SentenceId,EpisodeId,Season,Episode,Sentence
1,1,1,1,Pilot
2,1,1,1,Scene One
3,1,1,1,[Title: The Year 2030]
4,1,1,1,"Narrator: Kids, I'm going to tell you an incredible story. The story of how I met your mother"
5,1,1,1,Son: Are we being punished for something?
6,1,1,1,Narrator: No
7,1,1,1,"Daughter: Yeah, is this going to take a while?"
8,1,1,1,"Narrator: Yes. (Kids are annoyed) Twenty-five years ago, before I was dad, I had this whole other life."
9,1,1,1,"(Music Plays, Title ""How I Met Your Mother"" appears)"
10,1,1,1,"Narrator: It was way back in 2005. I was twenty-seven just starting to make it as an architect and living in New York with my friend Marshall, my best friend from college. My life was good and then Uncle Marshall went and screwed the whole thing up."
11,1,1,1,Marshall: (Opens ring) Will you marry me.
12,1,1,1,"Ted: Yes, perfect! And then you're engaged, you pop the champagne! You drink a toast! You have s*x on the kitchen floor... Don't have s*x on our kitchen floor."
13,1,1,1,"Marshall: Got it. Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted."
14,1,1,1,"Ted: Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Lily! I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lily. The night you met. Your first date... other first things."
15,1,1,1,"Marshall: (laughs) yeah, sorry. We thought you were asleep."
16,1,1,1,"Ted: It's physics Marshall, if the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves too. My god, you're getting engaged tonight."
17,1,1,1,"Marshall: Yeah, what are you doing tonight?"
18,1,1,1,(Scene Freezes)
19,1,1,1,"Narrator: What was I doing? Your Uncle Marshall was taking the biggest step of his life, and me-I'm calling your Uncle, Barney."
20,1,1,1,"[Cut to Later: Barney's in the barber shop, Ted's talking from home]"
21,1,1,1,"Barney: (on the phone) hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian girls? Well, now I've got a new favorite: Lebanese girls! Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians."
22,1,1,1,"Ted: Hey, you wanna do something tonight?"
23,1,1,1,"Barney: Okay, meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes, and Suit up!"
24,1,1,1,
25,1,1,1,Scene Two
26,1,1,1,(The Bar)
27,1,1,1,Ted: Hey.
28,1,1,1,"Barney: Where's your suit!? Just once when I say suit up, I wish you'd put on a suit."
29,1,1,1,Ted: I did that one time.
30,1,1,1,Barney: It was a blazer!
31,1,1,1,"Ted: You know, ever since college it's been Marshall and Lily and me. Now it's going to be Marshall and Lily... and me. They'll get married, start a family-before long I'm the weird, middle-aged bachelor their kids call ""Uncle Ted""."
32,1,1,1,(Barney hits Ted)
33,1,1,1,Barney: I see what this is about. Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met?
34,1,1,1,[Cut to Flashback the night Barney and Ted met]
35,1,1,1,[Still in the Bar]
36,1,1,1,(Ted is talking to another couple; Barney randomly joins them and interrupts)
37,1,1,1,"Barney: Ted, I'm going to teach you how to live. (Ted's shocked) Barney, we met at the urinal."
38,1,1,1,"Ted: Oh, right. Hi."
39,1,1,1,"Barney: Lesson one, lose the goatee. It doesn't look good with your suit."
40,1,1,1,Ted: I'm not wearing a suit.
41,1,1,1,"Barney: Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool. (Points to self with bear bottle in hand) Exhibit A. (Flirts to a woman unseen) Lesson three, don't even think about getting married till you're... thirty."
42,1,1,1,[Flashback ends]
43,1,1,1,"Ted: Thirty, right. You're right. I guess it's just, you're best friend gets engaged-you start thinking about that stuff."
44,1,1,1,"Barney: I thought I was your best friend. Ted, say I'm your best friend."
45,1,1,1,"Ted: You're my best friend, Barney."
46,1,1,1,"Barney: Good! And as your best friend, I suggest we play a little game called... ""Have you met Ted?"""
47,1,1,1,"Ted: Wai-no, no, no. We're not playing ""Have You Met Ted?"""
48,1,1,1,"Barney: (Taps a woman names Yasmine) Hi, have you met Ted? (Leaves and watches from a distance)."
49,1,1,1,"Ted: (To Yasmine) Hi, I'm Ted."
50,1,1,1,Yasmine: Yasmine.
51,1,1,1,Ted: It's a very pretty name.
52,1,1,1,"Yasmine: Thanks, It's Lebanese."
53,1,1,1,
54,1,1,1,Scene Three
55,1,1,1,(The Apartment)
56,1,1,1,Marshall: Hey!
57,1,1,1,"Lily: Urgh. I'm exhausted. It was finger painting day at school, and a five year old boy (takes coat off revealing a purple hand print on her right breast) got to second base with me. Wow, you're cooking?"
58,1,1,1,"Marshall: Yes, I am."
59,1,1,1,Lily: Aww-(They kiss) Are you sure that's a good idea after last time? You looked really creepy without eyebrows.
60,1,1,1,Marshall: I can handle this; I'm full of surprises tonight.
61,1,1,1,Lily: So there's more surprises? Like what?
62,1,1,1,"Narrator: Marshall was in his second year of law school, so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet."
63,1,1,1,Marshall: BOOGITY BOO! And that's all of them! I'm goanna go... cook. (Leaves)
64,1,1,1,"[Cut to the bar, Ted is chatting with Yasmine]"
65,1,1,1,"Ted: I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am. I just couldn't imagine settling down right now."
66,1,1,1,Yasmine: So do you think you'll ever get married?
67,1,1,1,"Ted: Well maybe eventually. Some fall day. Possibly in Central Park. Simple ceremony, we'll write our own vows. But--eh--no DJ, people will dance. I'm not going to worry about it! Damn it, why did Marshall have to get engaged? (Yasmine laughs) Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning out his own imaginary wedding, huh?"
68,1,1,1,"Yasmine: Actually, I think it's cute."
69,1,1,1,"Ted: Well, you're clearly drunk (pulls her wine glass away. Hold up glass to bartender) ONE MORE FOR THE LADY!"
70,1,1,1,"[Cut to Kitchen with Marshall and Lily. Lily has a pan out sautéing, Marshall jumps off a countertop]"
71,1,1,1,"Marshall: Okay, look what I got (runs to the fridge. Takes out wine bottle)"
72,1,1,1,Lily: Aw-honey. Champagne! (hands it to Marshall)
73,1,1,1,Marshall: (after short silence) Yeah. (hands it back)
74,1,1,1,"Lily: (realizing) No, you are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne!"
75,1,1,1,Marshall: I'm not scared.
76,1,1,1,Lily: Then open it!
77,1,1,1,Marshall: Fine (takes bottle. Looks at it for a couple of seconds) Please open it (hands it to Lily)
78,1,1,1,"Lily: You are unbelievable, Marshall. No-(Scene splits in half and shows both Lily and Marshall on top arguing and Ted and Yasmine on the bottom mingling)"
79,1,1,1,"Narrator: There are two big questions a man has to ask in life. One you plan out for months, the other just slips out when you're half drunk at some bar."
80,1,1,1,Marshall: (To Lily) will you marry me?
81,1,1,1,Ted: (To Yasmine) you wanna go out sometime?
82,1,1,1,"(Scene split ends, and returns to Lily and Marshall's scene)"
83,1,1,1,"Lily: Of course, you idiot! (hugs him and they fall back)"
84,1,1,1,[Cut to Scene with Ted and Yasmine at bar]
85,1,1,1,Yasmine: I'm sorry; Carl's my boyfriend (points to bartender)
86,1,1,1,"Ted: Sup, Carl?"
87,1,1,1,"[Cut to Scene in Kitchen, Marshall and Lily lay up while on the ground, after s*x]"
88,1,1,1,Marshall: I promised Ted we wouldn't do that.
89,1,1,1,Lily: Did you know there's a pop tart under your fridge?
90,1,1,1,"Marshall: No, but dibs. Where's that champagne? I wanna drink a toast with my fiancé."
91,1,1,1,Lily: aww (claps. They kiss)
92,1,1,1,"Marshall: I don't know why I was so scared of this. Pretty easy right? (Pops cork, hit's Lily's eye)"
93,1,1,1,Lily: (YELLS)
94,1,1,1,Marshall: (covers mouth) OH!
95,1,1,1,Ted: Why am I freaking out all of a sudden? This is crazy! I'm not ready to settle down.
96,1,1,1,Barney: (ignoring) how does Carl land a Lebanese girl?
97,1,1,1,"Ted: It's always been ""don't even think about it till you're thirty"""
98,1,1,1,Barney: Exactly-the guy doesn't even own a suit!
99,1,1,1,"Ted: Plus Marshall's found the love of his life. Even if I was ready, which I'm not, but if I was it's like, ""Okay, I'm ready! Where is she?"" (Spots Robin)"
100,1,1,1,Narrator: and there she was.
101,1,1,1,[Fade out]
102,1,1,1,
103,1,1,1,Scene Four
104,1,1,1,(The Bar-Focusing on Ted and Robin)
105,1,1,1,"Narrator: It was like something from an old movie. Where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, turns to his buddy and says, ""see that girl? I'm going to marry her someday"""
106,1,1,1,"Ted: Hey Barney, see that girl?"
107,1,1,1,(Breif cut-out portion)
108,1,1,1,"Barney: (to Robin) Hey, have you met Ted?"
109,1,1,1,"Robin: Let me guess, (points) Ted?"
110,1,1,1,(Ted Nods)
111,1,1,1,
112,1,1,1,Scene Five
113,1,1,1,(Taxi on the way to hospital)
114,1,1,1,"Marshall: I'm sorry, Lily. I'm so sorry. Take us to the hospital."
115,1,1,1,"Cabdriver: Whoa, whoa, whoa-did you hit her?"
116,1,1,1,(Laughter)
117,1,1,1,"Lily: Hit me? Please, this guy could barely even spank me in bed for fun. He's all like, (hits ice in bag using to cover eye) ""Oh, did that hurt?"" and I'm like, ""Come on, let me have it you pansy!"" (realizes) Wow, complete stranger."
118,1,1,1,"Cabdriver: no, no, no, no-it's okay, go on. (Turns meter on.) So these, spankin's...you in pajamas or going ""naturelle"""
119,1,1,1,[Cut to bar with Robin]
120,1,1,1,Ted: So what do you do?
121,1,1,1,Robin: I'm a reporter for Metro News 1.
122,1,1,1,Ted: (nods) Oh.
123,1,1,1,"Robin: Well, kind of a reporter. I do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news, you know. Like-um-monkey that can play the ukulele. I'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon."
124,1,1,1,"Ted: Bigger like, uh, gorilla with an up-right bass? Sorry, you're really pretty. (Robin laughs and waves to her friends) Oh, your friends don't seem too happy."
125,1,1,1,"Robin: Yeah, see the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend so tonight every guy is... ""The enemy""."
126,1,1,1,Ted: You know if you don't make your friend feel better you could throw a drink at my face. I don't mind.
127,1,1,1,Robin: She would love that! It does look fun in the movies.
128,1,1,1,"Ted: Hey, you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night?"
129,1,1,1,"Robin: Oh, I can't. I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday. Some guys attempting to make a big (cut) so my news is covering it."
130,1,1,1,Ted: That's going to take a week?
131,1,1,1,"Robin: Yeah, he's going to eat it too, it's another record."
132,1,1,1,"Robin's Dumped Friend: Hey, what's taking so long?"
133,1,1,1,"Ted: Uh, I know this is a long shot, but how about tomorrow night?"
134,1,1,1,"Robin: (stops) Yeah, (agrees) What the hell (passes number to Ted. Throws drink on Ted's face) JERK! (Walks away. Whispers) that was fun."
135,1,1,1,Barney: (comes back laughing) De-wait for it-nied! Denied!
136,1,1,1,Ted: We're going out tomorrow night.
137,1,1,1,Barney: I thought we were playing laser tag tomorrow night?
138,1,1,1,"Ted: Yeah, I was never going to go play laser tag. (Wipes alcohol off his face)"
139,1,1,1,
140,1,1,1,Scene Six
141,1,1,1,"(Bistro, Ted's date with Robin. There's a blue French horn showcased on the wall a table away from theirs.)"
142,1,1,1,"Narrator: The next night, I took her out to this little bistro in Brooklyn."
143,1,1,1,Robin: Wow that is one bad-ass blue French horn.
144,1,1,1,Ted: Yeah.
145,1,1,1,Robin: Mhmm.
146,1,1,1,Ted: Sort of looks like a... Smurf pen1s.
147,1,1,1,(Scene Freezes)
148,1,1,1,"Narrator: Son, a piece of advice. When you go on a first date you really don't wanna say ""smurf pen1s"". Girls don't ordinarily like that."
149,1,1,1,(Scene unfreezes. Robin spits her drink back into her glass. Laughs)
150,1,1,1,Narrator: But that was no ordinary girl.
151,1,1,1,[Cut to the Apartment]
152,1,1,1,(Lily and Marshall are sitting on the couch. Lily's wearing an eye patch on her left eye and is totally unaware that Marshall is sitting bedside her because of the eye patch.)
153,1,1,1,Marshall: Lilly?
154,1,1,1,(Lily jolts)
155,1,1,1,Lily: How long have you been sitting there!? Stupid eye patch.
156,1,1,1,(Ted enters)
157,1,1,1,"Ted: Mom, dad, I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby! Marshall, how have I always described my perfect woman?"
158,1,1,1,Marshall: Oh let's see (thinks) she likes dogs?
159,1,1,1,[Flashback to Date]
160,1,1,1,Robin: I've got five dogs.
161,1,1,1,[Flashback over.]
162,1,1,1,Marshall:...she drinks scotch?
163,1,1,1,[Flashback to Date]
164,1,1,1,Robin: I love a scotch that's old enough to order its own scotch.
165,1,1,1,[Flashback over.]
166,1,1,1,"Marshall: Can quote obscure lines from ""Ghostbusters""?"
167,1,1,1,[Flashback to Date]
168,1,1,1,"Robin: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god you say, ""Yes!"""
169,1,1,1,[Flashback over.]
170,1,1,1,Ted: And I'm saving the best for last.
171,1,1,1,[Flashback to Date]
172,1,1,1,Robin: Do you want these? (Holding up remaining olives from her plate) I hate olives.
173,1,1,1,[Flashback over.]
174,1,1,1,Marshall: She hates olives! Awesome!
175,1,1,1,Lily: The olive theory.
176,1,1,1,[Flashback to Date]
177,1,1,1,"Ted: The olive theory is based on my friends, Marshall and Lily. He hates olives, she loves them. In a weird way that's what makes them such a great couple. A Perfect balance (eats olive)."
178,1,1,1,"Robin: You know, I've had a jar of olives just sitting in my fridge forever."
179,1,1,1,Ted: (flirting) I can take them off your hands.
180,1,1,1,Robin: (flirting back) they're all yours.
181,1,1,1,[Flashback over]
182,1,1,1,"Marshall: Oh, it is on! It is on (imitates robot) till the break of dawn."
183,1,1,1,"Lily: wait, it's only the break of ten-thirty. What happened?"
184,1,1,1,[Flashback to Walking Robin home]
185,1,1,1,"Robin: I've gotta get one of those blue French horns for over my fireplace. It's gotta be blue, it's gotta be French."
186,1,1,1,Ted: No Green Clarinet?
187,1,1,1,Robin: No.
188,1,1,1,"Ted: Come on, no purple tuba?"
189,1,1,1,"Robin: It's a smurf pen1s, we're no dice."
190,1,1,1,(Metro News 1 Van appears)
191,1,1,1,"Producer: (from inside van) there you are! We've got a jumper! Some crazy guy on the Manhattan Bridge. Come on, you're covering it!"
192,1,1,1,"Robin: Um, alright. I'll be right there. (To Ted) I'm sorry. I had a really great time tonight."
193,1,1,1,Ted: Yeah.
194,1,1,1,[Flashback Over]
195,1,1,1,Marshall: So? Did you kiss her?
196,1,1,1,"Ted: No. The moment wasn't right. (They sigh) Look, this woman could be my future wife; I want our first kiss to be amazing."
197,1,1,1,"Lily: Aww, Ted that's so sweet. So you chickened out like the little bitch."
198,1,1,1,Ted: What? I did not chicken out! You know what? I don't need to take first kiss advice from some pirate who hasn't been single since the first week of college.
199,1,1,1,"Lily: Ted, anyone who's single would tell you the same thing. Even the dumbest single person alive, and if you don't believe me...call him."
200,1,1,1,(Calls Barney)
201,1,1,1,(Barney's playing laser tag on the other end of the line)
202,1,1,1,"Barney: (Phone) Hey loser, how's not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome! Oh, I killed you Connor; don't make me get your mom!"
203,1,1,1,"Ted: Hey, listen. I need your opinion on something."
204,1,1,1,"Barney: Okay, meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes-AND SUIT UP!"
205,1,1,1,
206,1,1,1,[Slides to Bar Scene]
207,1,1,1,"(Lily, Ted, Barney and Marshall sitting at a table)"
208,1,1,1,Ted: So these guys think I chickened out. What do you think?
209,1,1,1,Barney: I can't believe you're still not wearing a SUIT!
210,1,1,1,Ted: She didn't even give me the signal.
211,1,1,1,"Barney: What is she goanna-is she goanna bat her eyes at you in Morse code (bats eyes)?? Ted (bats eyes) Kiss me-No, you just kiss her!"
212,1,1,1,Ted: Not if you don't get the signal.
213,1,1,1,Barney: Ee-(Kisses Marshal) Did Marshall give me the signal?
214,1,1,1,"Marshall: No! (To Lily) I didn't, I swear."
215,1,1,1,"Barney: But see-at least, tonight, I get to sleep knowing, Marshall and Me... never going to happen. You should've kissed her."
216,1,1,1,"Ted: Urgh, I should've kissed her. What about when she gets back from Orlando?"
217,1,1,1,Barney: A week? That's like-a year in hot girl time. She'll forget all about you. Mark my words: you will never see that one again.
218,1,1,1,(notices Robin on Metro News 1 On TV)
219,1,1,1,Ted: There she is...
220,1,1,1,"Lily: Ooo. She's cute! (To Carl) Hey Carl, turn it up!"
221,1,1,1,"Robin: (on TV)...persuaded him to reconsider at which point the man came down off the ledge, giving this bizarre story a happy ending. Reporting from"
222,1,1,1,"Marshall: Huh, guy didn't jump"
223,1,1,1,"Robin: (on TV) Metro One News, back to you bill."
224,1,1,1,Ted: I'm goanna go kiss her. Right now.
225,1,1,1,"Marshall: Oh-Dude, it's midnight. As your future lawyer I'm goanna advise you: that's freakin' crazy!"
226,1,1,1,"Ted: I never do anything crazy! I'm always waiting for the moment! Planning the moment! Well she's leaving tomorrow this may be the only moment I'm goanna get! I gotta do what that guy couldn't, I gotta take the leap! Okay not a perfect metaphor, for me it's fall in love and get married-for him it's... death."
227,1,1,1,"Barney: Actually, that is a perfect metaphor. By the way, did I congratulate you two? (Raises glass to Lily and Marshall)"
228,1,1,1,Ted: I'm doing this. (Starts to leave)
229,1,1,1,Lily: Let's go (pulls Marshall up)
230,1,1,1,Marshall: Word up!
231,1,1,1,Lily: We're coming with you.
232,1,1,1,Ted:...Barney?
233,1,1,1,"Barney: Alright, but under one condition."
234,1,1,1,[Cut to Scene in Taxicab]
235,1,1,1,"Barney: (happy) look at you, you beautiful b*st*rd, you suited up! This is totally going in my blog!"
236,1,1,1,Ted: (To Ranjit-Cabdriver) Stop the car. Uh-pull over right here. I gotta do something.
237,1,1,1,(Runs into the bistro he was in on his date with Robin climbs on peoples table)
238,1,1,1,"Ted: Excuse me, pardon me. (grabs the Blue French Horn) Enjoy your coffee. (Runs away)"
239,1,1,1,"Waitor: Hey, HEY!"
240,1,1,1,(Jumps back into the taxicab)
241,1,1,1,"Ted: go, go, GO! (looks to his friends. Shrugs) Everybody brings flowers."
242,1,1,1,[Fade out]
243,1,1,1,
244,1,1,1,Scene Seven
245,1,1,1,(Taxicab)
246,1,1,1,Ted: (Exhales) Okay. Moment of truth. Wish me luck. (Exhales)
247,1,1,1,Barney: Ted's goanna get it on with a TV reporter (nods. Laughs.) This just in. Okay (holds hand up for high-fives)
248,1,1,1,"Lily: Kiss her, Ted. Kiss her good."
249,1,1,1,Marshall: Kiss the crap out of that girl
250,1,1,1,"Ted: Marshall, remember this night. When you're the best man at our wedding and you give a speech, you're goanna tell this story. (exits cab)"
251,1,1,1,Barney: Why does he get to be the best man? (Shouts out) I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND!
252,1,1,1,"Narrator: As I walked up to that door a million thoughts raced through my mind. Unfortunately, one particular thought did not."
253,1,1,1,[Flashback to Date]
254,1,1,1,Robin: I've got five dogs.
255,1,1,1,[Flashback Ends]
256,1,1,1,"(Ted presses the buzzer, dogs begin to bark. Walks down the steps back toward the cab)"
257,1,1,1,"Ted: Not good, not good, not good, not good."
258,1,1,1,Lily: No!
259,1,1,1,Marshall: Go back in there!
260,1,1,1,Barney: You're wearing a suit!
261,1,1,1,(Ted walks back toward the door)
262,1,1,1,Robin: (from window) Ted?
263,1,1,1,"Ted: Hi! (Silence) I was just uh-(hold up Smurf pen1s, aka French Horn)"
264,1,1,1,Robin: Come on up.
265,1,1,1,(Ted enters)
266,1,1,1,[In the Cab]
267,1,1,1,Marshall: He's in.
268,1,1,1,"Barney: So, (looks to the cabdriver) Ranjit... you must've done it with a Lebanese girl."
269,1,1,1,Lily: Okay-that's my Barney Limit. (Starts to leave the cab) I'm goanna see if that Bodega has a bathroom. (Leaves)
270,1,1,1,"Ranjit: Actually, I'm from Bangladesh."
271,1,1,1,Barney: The women hot there?
272,1,1,1,Ranjit: Here's a picture of my wife! (Shows picture)
273,1,1,1,Barney: (Whispers to Marshall) Simple no would have sufficed. (To Ranjit) She's lovely.
274,1,1,1,[Cut to Robin's Apartment]
275,1,1,1,"Robin: So, Ted. What brings you back to Brooklyn at one in the morning in a-suit."
276,1,1,1,Ted: I was just hoping to get those olives... that you said I could have.
277,1,1,1,Robin: Would you like those olives with some Gin and Vermouth?
278,1,1,1,Ted: Are you trying to get me drunk?
279,1,1,1,Robin: For starters (turns music on. Leaves to the kitchen)
280,1,1,1,Ted: (Looks up and mouths) Thank you.
281,1,1,1,[Cut to the Cab]
282,1,1,1,"Barney: So, Marshall. This ""Olive Theory"" based on you and Lily?"
283,1,1,1,Marshall: Yeah...
284,1,1,1,"Barney: You hate olives? Lily loves them, you can't stand them."
285,1,1,1,"Marshall: Yeah, hate olives."
286,1,1,1,"Barney: Two weeks ago, Spanish bar on 79th Street, dish of olives-you had some. What up?"
287,1,1,1,Marshall: (looks around for sign of Lily) You have to swear that this does not leave this cab.
288,1,1,1,Barney: I swear.
289,1,1,1,Ranjit: (Cuts into conversation) I swear.
290,1,1,1,"Marshall: On our first date, I ordered a Greek salad; Lily asked if she could have my olives. I said, ""Sure... I hate olives."""
291,1,1,1,Barney: But you like olives!
292,1,1,1,"Marshall: Well, I was eighteen, okay? I was a virgin. Been waiting for my whole life for a pretty girl to want my olives."
293,1,1,1,"Barney: Marshall, I'm going to get you an early wedding present. Don't get married."
294,1,1,1,[Cut to Robin's Apartment]
295,1,1,1,"(Robin and Ted are dancing, all five dogs are watching)"
296,1,1,1,"Robin: I think I like your ""Olive Theory""."
297,1,1,1,Ted: I think I like your French Horn.
298,1,1,1,Robin: I think I like your nose.
299,1,1,1,Ted: I think I'm in love with you.
300,1,1,1,[Cut to the bar]
301,1,1,1,(After Ted tells them the story)
302,1,1,1,"Lily, Marshall and Barney: What?"
303,1,1,1,[Cut to the year 2030.]
304,1,1,1,Son and Daughter: What?
305,1,1,1,[Cut to Robin's Apartment]
306,1,1,1,Robin: What?
307,1,1,1,[Cut to the Cab]
308,1,1,1,"Barney: Come on man, you said your stomach's been hurting, right? You know what that is! Hunger. You're hungry for experience. Hungry for something new. Hungry for olives. But you're too scared to do anything about it."
309,1,1,1,"Marshall: Yeah, I'm scared, okay? But when I think about spending the rest of my life with Lily... committing forever, no other women (Lily appears behind Marshall in the open window) doesn't scare me at all. I'm marrying that girl. (Lily pops her head in from the window. Marshall turns around) Lily. Lily, I like olives."
310,1,1,1,Lily: We'll make it work. (They kiss.)
311,1,1,1,Ranjit: aww.
312,1,1,1,[Cut to Robin's Apartment]
313,1,1,1,(Long Silence)
314,1,1,1,"Ted: So Orlando, you goanna hit Disney World?"
315,1,1,1,Robin: You love me?
316,1,1,1,"Ted: Oh, god, I can't believe I said that. Why did I say that? Who says that? I should just go. (Gets up)"
317,1,1,1,Robin: Hold on. (Gets up) Wait a minute. (Hands him Olives) Promised you these.
318,1,1,1,Ted: Olives. Thanks. I love you. What's wrong with me?
319,1,1,1,[Cut to cab]
320,1,1,1,"Barney: Why are we still sitting here? Let's go! We can still make last call. What do you say Lil? (Pirate Accent) Yo, ho ho and a bottle o' rum? (Silence) 'Cuz you're a pirate..."
321,1,1,1,"Lily: Okay, eye patch gone-(takes eye patch off and throws it at Barney) And we can't just abandon Ted. If it doesn't go well up there he's gonna need some support."
322,1,1,1,Marshall: It's been like twenty minutes. You think they're doin' it?
323,1,1,1,Barney: You think they're doing it in front of the dogs?
324,1,1,1,Marshall: Doggie style. (Laughs)
325,1,1,1,Barney: I had this girl in college; she had a golden retriever-
326,1,1,1,"Lily: Okay, we can go to the bar, just stop talking."
327,1,1,1,Barney: Hit it Ranjit. (They drive off)
328,1,1,1,(Ted and Robin come out the door)
329,1,1,1,"Ted: So when you tell this story to your friends, could you avoid the word ""psycho""? I prefer...eccentric."
330,1,1,1,"Robin: Good night, psycho (smiles). (Ted sarcastically clutches heart. Realizes friends left him)"
331,1,1,1,Ted: Great (before Robin closes the door) Umm... how do I get to the F Train?
332,1,1,1,"Robin: Oh, um-two blocks (comes out) that way (points) and take a right."
333,1,1,1,"Ted: (upset/tired) Thanks. (Walks down the steps. Robin begins to walk in) You know what? (Robin stops. Ted turns around). I'm done being single. I'm not good at it. Look, obviously you can't tell a woman you just met you love her. But... it sucks that you can't. I'll tell you something though, if a woman-not you... just some hypothetical woman-were to bare with me through all this. I think I'd make a damn good husband. Because that's the stuff I'd be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father... and walking her five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser."
334,1,1,1,Robin: Everyone thinks they're a good kisser.
335,1,1,1,"Ted: Oh, I've got references."
336,1,1,1,"Robin: Good night, Ted. (Shake hands.)"
337,1,1,1,Ted: And I'm a good hand shaker
338,1,1,1,Robin: that's a pretty great hand shake. (Looks him in the eyes)
339,1,1,1,[Cut to later at the bar]
340,1,1,1,"Ted: And that was it, probably never see her again. (Silence) What?"
341,1,1,1,Marshall: That was the signal!
342,1,1,1,Lily: That long lingering handshake-you should've kissed her!
343,1,1,1,Barney: There's no such thing as the signal. But yeah-that was the signal.
344,1,1,1,(Ranjit appears)
345,1,1,1,Rangit: Signal (nods)
346,1,1,1,"Marshal: Ah, Carl thank you. Something I gotta do."
347,1,1,1,"Carl: By the way, you should've kissed her."
348,1,1,1,Ted: Carl!? (turns to friends) You guys weren't there.
349,1,1,1,(Marshall Pops cork without injuring anyone)
350,1,1,1,Lily: I am so turned on right now.
351,1,1,1,"Ted: Guys, trust me. I've seen the signal. That was not the signal."
352,1,1,1,"Barney: Yeah Ted, we're not on you anymore."
353,1,1,1,Marshall: (Toasting) To my fiancé!
354,1,1,1,Lily: (smiles) to the future!
355,1,1,1,Ranjit: To one hell of a night!
356,1,1,1,Ted: That was not the signal!
357,1,1,1,(Scene pans out)
358,1,1,1,"Narrator: I asked her about it years later, and yeah, that was the signal. I could've kissed her. But that's the funny thing about destiny."
359,1,1,1,[Flashback to Robin Throwing Drink in Ted's face]
360,1,1,1,Narrator:... it happens whether you plan it or not. I mean I...
361,1,1,1,"[Flashback to Robin laughing at Ted's ""Smurf pen1s"" joke]"
362,1,1,1,Narrator:... never thought I'd see that girl again. But it...
363,1,1,1,[Flashback to Robin looking down at Ted from her apartment window]
364,1,1,1,"Narrator:...turns out, I was just too close..."
365,1,1,1,[Flashback to Robin and Ted dancing]
366,1,1,1,Narrator:...to the puzzle to see the picture that was forming. Because that kids...
367,1,1,1,[Cut to year 2030. Kids intently listening keenly interested]
368,1,1,1,"Narrator:...is the true story, of how I met your Aunt Robin."
369,1,1,1,Son: Aunt Robin?
370,1,1,1,Daughter: I thought this was about how you met mom!
371,1,1,1,Narrator: Will you relax? I'm getting to it. (Son and daughter sit back unpleased) like I said:
372,1,1,1,[Cut to panning out at the bar]
373,1,1,1,Narrator:...it's a long story.
374,2,1,2,Scene One
375,2,1,2,[Title: The Year 2030]
376,2,1,2,"Narrator: Okay, where was I?"
377,2,1,2,Daughter: You were telling us how you met mom.
378,2,1,2,Son: In excruciating detail...
379,2,1,2,"Narrator: Right, so (While Flashbacks take place) back in 2005 when I was twenty-seven, my two best friends got engaged. And it got me thinking, ""Maybe I should get married."" Then I saw... Robin. She was incredible. I just knew I had to meet her. That's where your Uncle Barney came in."
380,2,1,2,"Barney: I suggest we play a little game I like to call, ""Have you Met Ted?"""
381,2,1,2,"Ted: No, no, no-we're not playing ""Have you Met Ted!"""
382,2,1,2,Barney: (Taps Robin's shoulder) Hi! Have you met Ted? (Leaves)
383,2,1,2,"Narrator: So I asked her out, and I know this sounds crazy... but after just one date, I was in love with her, which made me say something stupid"
384,2,1,2,Ted: I think I'm in love with you.
385,2,1,2,Robin: What?
386,2,1,2,[Cut to Year 2030]
387,2,1,2,"Daughter: Oh, Dad."
388,2,1,2,Son: So then what happened?
389,2,1,2,"Narrator: Nothing. I mean, I made a complete fool of myself. So... a week went by and I decided not to call her."
390,2,1,2,[Cut to Entering the Bar]
391,2,1,2,"(As Marshell, Barney and Ted enter)"
392,2,1,2,"Marshall: So you're not goanna call her? You went from, ""I think I'm in love with you"" to ""I'm not gonna call her?"""
393,2,1,2,"Ted: I wasn't in love with her, okay? I was briefly in love with the abstract idea of getting married! That had absolutely nothing to do with Robin. (Finds Lily and Robin chatting at a table.) Robin!"
394,2,1,2,Robin: Hey!
395,2,1,2,Lily: Look who I ran into!
396,2,1,2,Ted: Since when do you guys know each other?
397,2,1,2,"Robin: Uh... since about (points to glass) here. Lily recognized me from the news and-(Lily and Marshall kiss) Hello, Sailor!"
398,2,1,2,Ted: They just got engaged.
399,2,1,2,"Robin: Well, I should get back to the station. See you guys. (Marshall raises a hand while still kissing Lily) Nice seeing you, Ted."
400,2,1,2,"Ted: Yeah, you too. (Robin leaves, Barney walks closer) Damn it."
401,2,1,2,Lily: What?
402,2,1,2,Ted: I'm in love with her.
403,2,1,2,Barney: (hits him) No! As your sponsor I will not let you relapse. You blew it; it's over-move on.
404,2,1,2,Ted: I don't know! I just have this feeling. She's the future Mrs. Ted Mosby.
405,2,1,2,(Lily Squeals)
406,2,1,2,"Ted: Lily, you squeaked?"
407,2,1,2,(Lily shakes her head)
408,2,1,2,"Ted: She said something about me didn't she? Come on, spill it, Red."
409,2,1,2,Lily: Fine!
410,2,1,2,[Flashback to Earlier. Lily and Robin talking at the bar]
411,2,1,2,Lily: So what do we think of Ted?
412,2,1,2,Robin: (laughs) Ted's something else.
413,2,1,2,[Flashback ends]
414,2,1,2,"Ted: Huh... I'm gonna spin that as good. Lots of guys are ""something"", I'm ""something else""."
415,2,1,2,[Flashback to Earlier. Lily and Robin talking at the bar]
416,2,1,2,Robin: Comes on a little strong.
417,2,1,2,[Flashback ends]
418,2,1,2,Ted: But...that's part of my charm.
419,2,1,2,[Flashback to Earlier. Lily and Robin talking at the bar]
420,2,1,2,Lily: But that's part of his charm.
421,2,1,2,"Robin: Oh, totally. I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, he's just looking for something a little bit more serious than I am. I mean the most I can handle right now is something casual. This just stays between us, right?"
422,2,1,2,Lily: Are you kidding? This flapper-for knocks.
423,2,1,2,[Flashback ends]
424,2,1,2,Lily: (shy) Oops...
425,2,1,2,"Ted: She wants casual. Okay, I'll be casual. I'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual. You know why? Cause it's a game! I wanted to skip to the end and do the ""happily ever after"" thing but you don't get there unless you play the game."
426,2,1,2,Marshall: So're you gonna ask her out?
427,2,1,2,"Ted: Yeah-No! I can't ask her out, because if I ask her out I'm asking her out. So how do I ask her out, without asking her out? (thinks)"
428,2,1,2,(Silence)
429,2,1,2,Lily: Did you guys get high?
430,2,1,2,Ted: I got it! I don't ask her out... I invite her to our party next Friday.
431,2,1,2,Marshall: We're having a party next Friday?
432,2,1,2,Ted: We are now-Casual
433,2,1,2,"Barney: Yeah, cuz nothing says ""Casual"" like inviting a hundred people over just to ""Mac"" on one girl. Oh, and Lily-that's my leg."
434,2,1,2,Lily: You waited five minutes to tell me that?
435,2,1,2,Marshall: Alright-so call her up!
436,2,1,2,"Ted: No-calling's not casual! I just gotta bump into her somewhere. If only I knew her schedule I could arrange a ""chance"" encounter."
437,2,1,2,"Lily: that's great, Ted. You'll be the most ""Casual"" stalker ever."
438,2,1,2,(They laugh)
439,2,1,2,
440,2,1,2,Scene Two
441,2,1,2,(The Apartment)
442,2,1,2,"Narrator: Now ever since Marshall put that ring on her finger, Lily had been...well... extra affectionate."
443,2,1,2,"Marshall: Baby, no. I have a twenty-five paged paper on unconstitutional law due on Monday, I barely started,"
444,2,1,2,"Lily: Hey, I'm just sitting here. Wearing my ring... my beautiful ring. Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. Like my shirt. Kind of don't wanna wear my shirt anymore. Or... my underwear. Oh-that's right-I'm not wearing any."
445,2,1,2,Marshall: (Closes laptop screen) No underwear?
446,2,1,2,Lily: Not slightly.
447,2,1,2,(Scene widens to show Ted is on the couch listening)
448,2,1,2,"Ted: Guys, boundaries! There she is!"
449,2,1,2,"Robin: (on TV) Thanks Bill, I'm reporting from the Razzle Dazzle Supermarket on 75th in Columbus"
450,2,1,2,Ted: 75th in Columbus. (Gets up and grabs coat) Game on! (Leaves)
451,2,1,2,[Cut to Razzle Dazzle Supermarket. Robin's reporting on the news]
452,2,1,2,"Robin: where four year old, Leroy Ellensburg, climbed inside a grab a prize machine (You see child stuck in toy machine) and gotten stuck."
453,2,1,2,[Cut to Ted running down the street]
454,2,1,2,[Cut to Razzle Dazzle Supermarket. Robin reporting on the news]
455,2,1,2,"Robin: And on the pursuit of a stuffed purple giraffe. (Ted appears behind her, leaves nervously) From Metro News One, I'm Robin Scherbatsky. (News report ends)"
456,2,1,2,(Ted re-enters running)
457,2,1,2,Cameraman: We're clear
458,2,1,2,Robin: (To cameraman) Thanks. (Notices Ted) Ted?
459,2,1,2,"Ted: (Turns around nonchalant) Robin, wow! What are the odds?"
460,2,1,2,Robin: What are you doing here?
461,2,1,2,"Ted: Oh, you know, just-uh-Shopping for-uh-dip (holds dip) I love dip... I mean I don't love dip, I like dip. As a friend, you know. So-uh-hey, you-uh-reporting a news story or something? (puts dip back)"
462,2,1,2,"Robin: Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine, how sweet of you to call it news."
463,2,1,2,"Ted: Wow, kid in a crane machine (approached machine. To boy) You just had to have that toy didn't ya? Couldn't play the game like everyone else."
464,2,1,2,Leroy: You're all sweaty!
465,2,1,2,"Ted: Cute kid (wipes forehead) Um yeah it's f-it's so funny running into your we're having a party next Friday if-if you like swinging by! But, you know, whatever."
466,2,1,2,"Robin: Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. It's too bad it's not tonight."
467,2,1,2,"Ted: (Shocked) It is, it's tonight. This Friday, Did I say next Friday? Yeah-sorry-cuz I've been saying ""next Friday"" all week, but yeah it's tonight. The-uh-party's tonight. But, you know, whatever."
468,2,1,2,
469,2,1,2,Scene Three
470,2,1,2,(Marshall and Lily in bed after s*x)
471,2,1,2,"(Phone rings, Marshall answers)"
472,2,1,2,Marshall: Hello?
473,2,1,2,"Ted: (on Phone) hey, am I interrupting anything? (Holding party mixes)"
474,2,1,2,"Marshall: No, no I'm just writing my paper. Hitting the books."
475,2,1,2,"Ted: (on Phone) Yeah, well you and Lily might wanna put some clothes on. We're throwing a party in two hours. Okay, bye (hangs up)"
476,2,1,2,[Fade out]
477,2,1,2,
478,2,1,2,Scene Four
479,2,1,2,(The Party #1)
480,2,1,2,"Marshall: So, Gatsby, what are you goanna do when Robin shows up?"
481,2,1,2,"Ted: Okay, I got it all planned out."
482,2,1,2,"[Shows Fantasy ""Plan"" as Ted tells story]"
483,2,1,2,"Ted: She steps through the door, and where's Ted? Not eagerly waiting by the door. Nah I'm across the room at my drafting table showing some foxy young thing all my cool architecture stuff. So Robin strolls over and I casually give her one of these, ""Hey, what's up?"" She says, ""Hey, nice place"" etcetera, etcetera. And then I say, ""Well make yourself at home,"" and I casually return to my conversation. Then, an hour later, ""Oh, you're still here?"" I say like I don't really care, but it's a nice surprise. And then very casually, ""Wanna see the roof?"""
484,2,1,2,[Fantasy pauses]
485,2,1,2,Lily and Marshall: (Gloating) The roof.
486,2,1,2,Ted: Get her up to the roof and the roof takes care of the rest.
487,2,1,2,Barney: What's so special about the roof?
488,2,1,2,"Lily: Oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. You can't not fall in love on that roof."
489,2,1,2,Marshall: We do it up there sometimes.
490,2,1,2,"Barney: Solid plan, my little friend."
491,2,1,2,Ted: We're the same height.
492,2,1,2,Barney: But may I suggest one little modification.
493,2,1,2,[Fantasy Continues as Barney takes over]
494,2,1,2,"Barney: That foxy young thing you were chatting up, take her up to the roof and have s*x with her! Crazy monkey-style."
495,2,1,2,Ted: That's not the plan.
496,2,1,2,"Barney: Should be the plan, I mean look at her. Ted, look at her. She's smokin'!"
497,2,1,2,Fantasy Girl: Thank you.
498,2,1,2,"Ted: Yeah, but she's not Robin."
499,2,1,2,[Fantasy Ends]
500,2,1,2,"Barney: Exactly! Ted, let's wrap. Statistic, at every New York party there's always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see-where I'm going-hu-with this?"
501,2,1,2,"Ted: Barney, I don't wanna say-"
502,2,1,2,"Barney: Aargh! (Pulls down imaginary scope) Scoping, beep, scoping, beep!"
503,2,1,2,Lily: Man you're a dork.
504,2,1,2,"Barney: beep, beep, beep, beep. Target acquired! And now it's time we play a little game I like to call ""Have You Met Ted?"""
505,2,1,2,"Ted: No, come on not this."
506,2,1,2,Barney: (taps woman) Hi! Have you met Ted?
507,2,1,2,Tatiana: No.
508,2,1,2,Ted: Hi.
509,2,1,2,Tatiana: Hi.
510,2,1,2,Barney: Do you know Marshall? Lily?
511,2,1,2,Tatiana: No. (smiles)
512,2,1,2,"Barney: Hmm, do you know anyone at this party?"
513,2,1,2,Tatiana: I work with Carlos.
514,2,1,2,"Barney: Excuse me, (to group) Anyone know a Carlos?"
515,2,1,2,Ted: No.
516,2,1,2,Lily: No.
517,2,1,2,Barney: On a silver platter! Bon appetite!
518,2,1,2,Ted: I don't think so.
519,2,1,2,"Barney: Your loss, her gain. (To Tatiana) Excuse me, can I show you the roof? It's magical up there!"
520,2,1,2,Tatiana: Sure (Smiles)
521,2,1,2,Ted: Whoa-whoa-Hey hey. I got that roof reserved!
522,2,1,2,"Barney: Dude, Robin's not coming."
523,2,1,2,"Ted: Hey, she's goanna show up. (Silence) She'll show up."
524,2,1,2,[Cut to day after party in the Apartment]
525,2,1,2,Narrator: She didn't show up.
526,2,1,2,Lily: At least it was a great party.
527,2,1,2,Marshall: I ate like four whole cans of dip!
528,2,1,2,Ted: You always know what to say old friend.
529,2,1,2,(Phone rings.)
530,2,1,2,Ted: It's Robin.
531,2,1,2,Lily: Answer it!
532,2,1,2,"Ted: No, no, no. Not right away. I gotta seem casual. (Answers phone) Hello?"
533,2,1,2,Robin: (on Phone) I'm so sorry I missed your party.
534,2,1,2,Ted: Who is this? Merideth?
535,2,1,2,Robin: (On Phone) Robin.
536,2,1,2,"Ted: Oh, Robin! Hey, yeah, guess you never showed up did you?"
537,2,1,2,"Robin: (on Phone) no I got stuck at work, but they finally got that kid out of the crane machine."
538,2,1,2,Ted: Did he get to keep the purple giraffe?
539,2,1,2,"Robin: (on Phone) Yeah, they let him keep all the toys. He was in there a long time and little kids have smaller bladders."
540,2,1,2,Ted: (scoffs)
541,2,1,2,Robin: (On Phone) I wish your party was tonight.
542,2,1,2,(Silence)
543,2,1,2,"Ted: It is the party's tonight. (Marshall's mad) Yeah-uh-it's a two day party. Because that's just how we roll. Uh-so if you wanna swing by its-uh-you know, Casual. See ya. (hangs up) So that was Robin."
544,2,1,2,"Marshall: What are you doing to me, man. I got a paper to write."
545,2,1,2,Ted: I know I'm sorry. It's terrible (grabs coat) I'll buy more dip (runs out)
546,2,1,2,"Marshall: TED! TED WAIT-GET FRENCH ONION. (Closes door) Can you believe this guy, I got a paper to write. (Lily smiles) Okay, fine-(they walk into the bedroom) but it's gotta be like super quick."
547,2,1,2,Lily: Oh!
548,2,1,2,Marshall: And no cuddling after.
549,2,1,2,Lily: I'm the luckiest girl alive (runs into bedroom. Marshall strips.)
550,2,1,2,
551,2,1,2,
552,2,1,2,Scene Five
553,2,1,2,(Party #2)
554,2,1,2,"Barney: Oh, you were so right about the roof. The roof. The roof is on fire, Ted! Girl from last night, took her back to my place then this morning took her outside, spun her around a couple of times sent her walking-she will never find her way back and there she is. How did she get here? Did you invite her?"
555,2,1,2,Ted: I have no idea who that is.
556,2,1,2,"Barney: She said she works with Carlos, who's Carlos?"
557,2,1,2,Ted: I don't know any Carlos.
558,2,1,2,"Barney: Grr. (Turns around) Hi, you. You're back."
559,2,1,2,"Tatiana: I sure am (kisses Barney). Come on, sweetie, I need a drink."
560,2,1,2,"Barney: ""sweetie""? Really? (They walk into the kitchen Barney mouths) Sweetie?"
561,2,1,2,(Marshall and Lily walk towards the stairs to the roof)
562,2,1,2,"Ted: Whoa-Whoa rabbits! Come on, I got that roof reserved."
563,2,1,2,Marshall: Alright.
564,2,1,2,"Barney: So, it's over between me-and-works with Carlos girl."
565,2,1,2,"Ted: Oh, that was fast."
566,2,1,2,"Barney: Yeah, I was trying to think what's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met?"
567,2,1,2,[Flashback]
568,2,1,2,Barney: I think I'm in love with you.
569,2,1,2,Tatiana: What?
570,2,1,2,[Flashback ends]
571,2,1,2,"Barney: Thanks, bro (walks away)"
572,2,1,2,Ted: (straight-faced) Glad I could help.
573,2,1,2,(Marshall's on his way up to the roof)
574,2,1,2,"Ted: What the-no, no, no, no-come on!"
575,2,1,2,"Marshall: Sorry, Ted. (Goes up)"
576,2,1,2,Ted: Great! What am I going to do when Robin shows up. (Silence) She'll show up.
577,2,1,2,[Later after the party]
578,2,1,2,Narrator: She didn't show up.
579,2,1,2,"Marshall: Alright, we threw two parties. Everybody had fun. Everybody wanged, everybody chunged. Now the kid has got to get to work, and the kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me, ""I will not have s*x with Marshall""."
580,2,1,2,Lily and Ted: I will not have s*x with Marshall.
581,2,1,2,(Phone rings)
582,2,1,2,Ted: It's Robin. (sighs. Answers) Hello?
583,2,1,2,"Robin: (on the Phone) Hi, Ted."
584,2,1,2,"Ted: Amanda? Oh, Denise-Sorry you totally sounded like Amanda (Does weird hand thing with Marshall)"
585,2,1,2,Robin: (On Phone) It's Robin.
586,2,1,2,"Ted: Oh, Robin-(laughs)-Hi."
587,2,1,2,Robin: (On Phone) I totally wanted to come; I got stuck at work again. I feel like I live there. I'm sorry I missed your party...again.
588,2,1,2,"Ted: Hey, ain't no thing but a chicken wing mamacita. (To Lily and Marshall) WHO AM I?"
589,2,1,2,Robin: (On Phone) I guess there's no change your two-dayer turned into a three-dayer.
590,2,1,2,"Ted: (Silence) It did indeed, the party continues tonight. (Marshall grabs for him, Ted runs away) Yeah. Last night people were like, ""KEEP IT GOIN' BRO! PARTY TRIFECTA!"""
591,2,1,2,"Robin: (On Phone) Wow, okay-well I'll be there."
592,2,1,2,"Ted: Great, see you tonight. (hangs up. Looks to Marshall) So that was Robin."
593,2,1,2,
594,2,1,2,Scene Six
595,2,1,2,(Party #3)
596,2,1,2,Narrator: So I threw a third party for Robin. On a Sunday night (Very Little people in the apartment)
597,2,1,2,"Barney: Oh, this is lame."
598,2,1,2,"Ted: lame or ""Casual""?"
599,2,1,2,Barney: lame.
600,2,1,2,"Ted: Or ""Casual""?"
601,2,1,2,Lily: Hey little old books. Ready for a little fifteen minute recess?
602,2,1,2,"Marshall: Sorry, baby, I gotta work. I need all my blood (points to brain) up here. Has anybody seen an introduction to contract work institution statutes from 1865 to 1923? (Silence) Anybody seen a big-ass book?"
603,2,1,2,"Crowd: (mutters) No, no."
604,2,1,2,"Tatiana: Hello, Barney."
605,2,1,2,Barney: Of course.
606,2,1,2,Tatiana: You look well. Isn't it weird they invited both of us?
607,2,1,2,Barney: Who? Who invited you? No one even know who you are!
608,2,1,2,"Tatiana: I understand you're hurt, but, you don't have to be cruel. Carlos was right about you."
609,2,1,2,Barney: Who is Carlos!?
610,2,1,2,"Marshall: Okay, where the hell is my-OHH! (Book has been used as coaster, all wet) Okay, introduction to contract work institution statutes from 1865 to 1923...is not a coaster! Ted! I'm jeopardizing my law career so that you can throw not one, not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met who's probably not gonna show up. (Ted's shocked) I mean where is she, Ted, huh? Where's Robin? (Finds Robin) Hi! Hi Robin. (Throws book on the floor and grabs Lily for s*x)"
611,2,1,2,Robin: so you threw all these parties for me?
612,2,1,2,"Ted: No! Oh you thought that-oh, no! I c-okay yes. You got me-I-(laughs)-one of the reasons I threw these parties was so that I could introduce you to uh-(Barney throws Ted a random guy) this guy. I figured, you know, since it didn't work out between us and now we can just laugh about it (nervously laughs)-Anyway Robin, this is."
613,2,1,2,Carlos: Carlos (shake hands)
614,2,1,2,Barney and Ted: Ohhh.
615,2,1,2,
616,2,1,2,Scene Six
617,2,1,2,"(Party #3. Robin's sitting with Carlos, happy. Ted's being supported by Lily and Marshall.)"
618,2,1,2,"Ted: She's still talking to Carlos. I can still win this, it's not over."
619,2,1,2,"Lily: Okay, buddy, time for the ""tough-talk"". Robin seems great. But let's look at the facts, you wanna get married and right now there's a million women in New York looking for exactly you, but Robin ain't one of them."
620,2,1,2,"Ted: She's not just ""one of them"" she's the one."
621,2,1,2,"Barney: Yeah well, ""the one"" is heading up to ""the roof"". (Robin leaves to the roof with Carlos)"
622,2,1,2,Marshall: What are you gonna do?
623,2,1,2,"Ted: Nothing. It's a game, I gotta just-keep playing it."
624,2,1,2,"[Flashback to Leroy playing the crane machine, and then crawling into the hole to get what he wants. Just like what Ted does by climbing out the window to reach the roof-what he wants]"
625,2,1,2,[Cut to the rooftop]
626,2,1,2,Robin: Hey.
627,2,1,2,"Ted: Hey. Carlos, can you give us a minute?"
628,2,1,2,"Carlos: Hey, no sweat hombre."
629,2,1,2,"Ted: Robin, look I didn't invite you to this party to set you up with Carlos. Or the one before that. Or the one before that. (Robin smiles) I threw these parties because I wanted to see you."
630,2,1,2,"Robin: Well, here I am."
631,2,1,2,"Ted: There's something here, look, unless I'm crazy."
632,2,1,2,"Robin: (exhales) you're not crazy. I-I don't know, Ted, I mean we barely know each other and you're looking at me with that look and it's like-(struggles)"
633,2,1,2,Ted: Like what?
634,2,1,2,"Robin: like-let's fall in love, and get married and have kids and drive them to soccer practice."
635,2,1,2,Ted: I'm not gonna force sports on them unless they're interested.
636,2,1,2,Robin: (laughs) It's a great look. But you're looking at the wrong girl.
637,2,1,2,"Ted: No, I'm not."
638,2,1,2,"Robin: Yes, you are. I don't wanna get married right now, maybe ever and if we got together I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you or break your heart and-I just couldn't do either of those things. Just like you can't turn off the way you feel."
639,2,1,2,Ted: (reaches in his Jacket) Click. Off. Let's make out.
640,2,1,2,Robin: (laughs) What?
641,2,1,2,"Ted: What? That was the off switch! And I turned it off. I mean sure yes, I wanna fall in love get married blah, blah, blah, but-on the other hand... you... me...the roof."
642,2,1,2,Robin: There's no off switch.
643,2,1,2,Ted: There is an off switch... and it's off.
644,2,1,2,"Robin: (smiling) no, it's not."
645,2,1,2,"Ted: (silence) yes, it is. (They draw closer)"
646,2,1,2,Robin: No (smiles)...it's-not.
647,2,1,2,"Ted: Yes-it is (they kiss long) No it's not. You're right, there's no off switch. God I wish there was an off switch."
648,2,1,2,Robin: (sighs) me too.
649,2,1,2,(Silence. They laugh)
650,2,1,2,Ted: So (They mutter together. Then laugh)
651,2,1,2,Robin: we could be friends (shrugs)
652,2,1,2,Ted: Oh (clutches heart)
653,2,1,2,"Robin: look, I know it sounds insincere when people say that but... we could."
654,2,1,2,"Ted: I don't know, Robin. I made such a jackass out of myself here, every time we start hanging out it'll be like, ""Oh-that's right-I'm a jackass."""
655,2,1,2,Robin: You're not a jackass. I'm sorry. I only moved here in April and I'm always working and-I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. But I understand.
656,2,1,2,"Ted: Well-uh-maybe in a few months after it's not so fresh, we could all-uh...you know, get a beer."
657,2,1,2,"Robin: yeah. (sighs) That sounds good. I'll see you, Ted. (walks away)"
658,2,1,2,"Ted: Or, you know-now. (Robin looks at Ted) We could all get a beer now."
659,2,1,2,Robin: (Smiles) I'd like that.
660,2,1,2,"Ted: My friends are goanna love you-like you-you know, as a friend. (Robin giggles) Jackass."
661,2,1,2,[Fades to Bar Scene]
662,2,1,2,"Barney: Unbelievable. That is just a recipe for disaster, they work together (Carlos and Tatiana are making out)"
663,2,1,2,Ted: You jealous?
664,2,1,2,"Barney: Oh, please, what does Carlos have that I don't?"
665,2,1,2,Robin: a date tonight?
666,2,1,2,"Marshall, Lily and Ted: Ohh!!"
667,2,1,2,"Lily: Stop the tape, rewind-play it again."
668,2,1,2,Robin: (Imitates a rewinding tape) a date tonight? (smiles)
669,2,1,2,"Mashall, Lily and Ted: Ohh!!"
670,2,1,2,Barney: I'm not sure I like her.
671,2,1,2,"Ted: Hey, don't you have a paper to write?"
672,2,1,2,"Marshall: Dude, you're talking to the kid."
673,2,1,2,Ted: I know it.
674,2,1,2,"Marshall: I'm goanna knock back this beer. I'm gonna knock back one more beer. I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna write a twenty-five page paper. I'm gonna hand it in and I'm gonna get a A. My name is Rufus, and that's the Trufus."
675,2,1,2,[Scene Freezes]
676,2,1,2,"Narrator: He got a B Minus. But still-twenty-five pages in one night, B minus? The kid was good."
677,2,1,2,[Scene Continues]
678,2,1,2,Ted: At least let me buy you a beer. Come on I'll buy everyone a beer.
679,2,1,2,"Robin: I'll help carry. You know something, Ted?"
680,2,1,2,Ted: What?
681,2,1,2,"Robin: You are a catch. You're gonna make some girl very happy, and I am going to help you find her."
682,2,1,2,"Ted: (laughs) Well, good luck. I mean maybe New York's just too big a town, you know? There's millions of people in this city. How in all this mess is a guy supposed to find the love of his life? I mean, where do you even begin?"
683,2,1,2,(Robin taps a random woman at the bar)
684,2,1,2,"Robin: Hi, Have you met Ted?"
685,2,1,2,(Cute girl shakes head)
686,2,1,2,(Music Takes over)
687,3,1,3,"[""How I Met Your Mother"", credits]"
688,3,1,3,[Title: The Year 2030]
689,3,1,3,"Narrator: So there was this one night, before I met your mother when I really wanted to go to the bar."
690,3,1,3,Son: The bar? Big surprise!
691,3,1,3,Daughter: You sure spend a lot of time in bars...
692,3,1,3,Narrator: Well that's just what we did back then.
693,3,1,3,(Shows picture of Ted)
694,3,1,3,Narrator: Me.
695,3,1,3,(Shows picture of Marshall and Lily sitting at a booth at the bar)
696,3,1,3,Narrator: Marshall and Lily.
697,3,1,3,(Shows picture of Barney using a payphone)
698,3,1,3,Narrator: Barney
699,3,1,3,"(Shows picture of Lily and Robin, Pans in on Robin)"
700,3,1,3,"Narrator: We all used to hang out at this one bar called ""MacLaren's""."
701,3,1,3,(Shows picture of the whole gang in front of a camera)
702,3,1,3,Narrator: But then one night.
703,3,1,3,[The Year 2005]
704,3,1,3,[In the Street - Ted/Lily/Marshall]
705,3,1,3,(Ted and Lily on the phone walking with Marshall)
706,3,1,3,Ted: (On Phone) Why don't we go to MacLaren's?
707,3,1,3,Lily: (On Phone) Let's go to MacLaren's.
708,3,1,3,Marshall: You guys talking to each other? Nobody's listening.
709,3,1,3,Ted: What's wrong with MacLaren's?
710,3,1,3,(Cut to Barney in Taxi)
711,3,1,3,"Barney: (On Phone) MacLaren's is bore, snore. Ted, tonight we're going to go out. We're going to meet some ladies. It's going to be legendary. Phone-five! (High-fives the phone)"
712,3,1,3,(Scene Freezes)
713,3,1,3,Narrator: I had no idea why I hung out with Barney.
714,3,1,3,(Scene unfreezes)
715,3,1,3,"Barney: You didn't phone-five did you? I know when you don't phone-five, Ted. Come on, we always go to MacLaren's."
716,3,1,3,(Cut to Ted)
717,3,1,3,"Ted: Yeah, cause MacLaren's is fun..."
718,3,1,3,Barney: MacLaren's is this much fun. What I'm offering is the chance to have this much fun.
719,3,1,3,"Ted: See, you say that. You say it's going to be this much fun. But most of the time it ends up being this much fun. This much fun is good! It's safe. It's guaranteed!"
720,3,1,3,"Barney: This hand gesture thing doesn't really work on the phone, does it?"
721,3,1,3,Ted: No it doesn't.
722,3,1,3,(Cab pulls up right beside Ted. Barney's head pops out of the window.)
723,3,1,3,Barney: Get in the cab. Marshall you too.
724,3,1,3,"Marshall: Oh, I wish I could... I think Lily and I are just goi..."
725,3,1,3,Barney: I understand. (To Ted) Get in the cab.
726,3,1,3,Ted: Why can Marshall say no?
727,3,1,3,Barney: Uhh... because he's getting laid.
728,3,1,3,Marshall: Consistently.
729,3,1,3,"Barney: (Doing ""I see you"" hand motion) Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here. You keep going to the same bar, you're in a rut and I am a rut buster. I'm going to bust your rut (Smiles)."
730,3,1,3,"Ted: It's not a rut, okay. It's a routine and I like it!"
731,3,1,3,"Barney: Ted, what's the first syllable in rutting (trying to make it sound like ""routine"". Ted gives in and jumps in the cab) Peace out, suckers. (Cab speeds off.)"
732,3,1,3,"Ted: Alright, so what's this legendary plan."
733,3,1,3,Barney: First we got to pick someone up at the airport.
734,3,1,3,"Ted: Okay, I'm outta here."
735,3,1,3,"Barney: (To cabdriver) Estaban, doors! (Cab doors lock)"
736,3,1,3,[The Airport - Barney/Ted]
737,3,1,3,"(Ted walks alongside Barney who is carrying two suitcases, one in each hand.)"
738,3,1,3,Barney: Just this one little thing and the rest of the night is ours.
739,3,1,3,"Ted: Why do you have those suitcases, and who are we picking up?"
740,3,1,3,Barney: I don't know. Maybe her? Or her.
741,3,1,3,"Ted: Wait so when you said you were going to ""pick someone up at the airport"". You meant you were going to ""pick someone up at the airport""."
742,3,1,3,"Barney: (winks) Scenario. Couple of girls fly into town, looking for a fun weekend in NYC when they meet two handsome international business men just back from a lucrative trip to Japan. Sample dialogue, ""You have a wheelie bag? Wh... I have a wheelie bag!"""
743,3,1,3,Ted: You've gotta be kidding me.
744,3,1,3,"Barney: False. Sidebar, tuck in your shirt. You look sketchy."
745,3,1,3,Ted: I'm sketchy?
746,3,1,3,"Barney: Trust me, it's going to be legendary."
747,3,1,3,"Ted: Don't say ""legendary"", okay? You're too liberal with the word legendary."
748,3,1,3,[Flashback - Ted answering the door to Barney]
749,3,1,3,Barney: We're building an igloo in Central Park. It's gonna be legendary. Snow suit up!
750,3,1,3,[Flashback ends]
751,3,1,3,"Barney: Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here! This is happening. Now you can either put your bags on the carousel now, or you can listen to me give you a really long speech convincing you to put the bags on the carousel. Your move. (Silence) Ted, since the dawn of time mankind has struggled... (Ted puts bags on carousel)"
752,3,1,3,[The Apartment - Marshall]
753,3,1,3,(Marshall studying in the Apartment)
754,3,1,3,"Narrator: That night, Marshall had a ton of studying to do. So Lily went out with Robin who was new to New York and looking for a friend."
755,3,1,3,[The Bar - Lily/Robin]
756,3,1,3,Lily: I'm so glad we finally get to hang out just the two of us!
757,3,1,3,Robin: Yeah.
758,3,1,3,Lily: You sure you're okay giving up your Friday night to hang with an old almost-married lady?
759,3,1,3,"Robin: Oh please, I'm so sick of the ""meet-market"" scene. Guys are like a subway. You miss one, another one comes along in five minutes."
760,3,1,3,"Lily: Unless it's the end of the night, then you get on anything."
761,3,1,3,Robin: Heyow!
762,3,1,3,"(Carl, the Bartender, gives them two drinks)"
763,3,1,3,Carl: Compliments of that guy.
764,3,1,3,Lily: Really? Sweet.
765,3,1,3,"Carl: Oh, for you it's six dollars."
766,3,1,3,Lily: I guess that's one drawback to being engaged. I'm sure that's why he didn't...
767,3,1,3,(Man interjects)
768,3,1,3,Guy#1: Hey.
769,3,1,3,"Lily: (peeking over his shoulder) Oh. Oh, hello!"
770,3,1,3,[The Airport - Ted/Barney]
771,3,1,3,"Ted: (To waiting woman) So...uh, did you just get in from Detroit? (Points to self) Japan. (Woman leaves)"
772,3,1,3,"Barney: Okay, carousel four is tapped out. Ready? Because I'm about to drop some knowledge. Cute girls are not from Buffalo. Time-out. Ten o'clock. You ready to rock this, Tedder?"
773,3,1,3,"Ted: Alright, um, I think we need to refine our back-story first. How did we..."
774,3,1,3,"Barney: Ted, you klutzy, great guy, you! (Barney shoves Ted into two lady's cart and Ted trips backwards. To Women) Hey, Barney. (Adjusts tie)"
775,3,1,3,"Laura: Oh, my god. (To Ted) Are you okay?"
776,3,1,3,Ted: I... I'm so sorry.
777,3,1,3,"Laura: It's fine, oh, you were a little shaky on your landing. I'd give you a 9.2. (Laughs)"
778,3,1,3,"Ted: So, hi... I'm Ted."
779,3,1,3,"Laura: Laura. (Shaking hand) Look I'm really sorry that we have to hit and run but we've got a plane to catch. (Looks to friend, Tatiana)"
780,3,1,3,"Ted: Oh, where're you headed?"
781,3,1,3,Laura: Philadelphia.
782,3,1,3,Barney: Philly? That's where we're headed!
783,3,1,3,Laura: You are? Well...uh...guess we'll see you on the plane.
784,3,1,3,"Barney: Yes, you will. (Girls leave. To Ted) Follow them, tickets on me."
785,3,1,3,"Ted: No, Barney. Don't you get on that escalator! And don't you dare get on that subsequent escalator!"
786,3,1,3,[The Apartment - Marshall]
787,3,1,3,(Marshall studying)
788,3,1,3,Marshall: (singing) Studyin' law. Making a responsible choice for my future... on a Friday Night. Bein' a lawyer had better be awesome.
789,3,1,3,(Phone Rings)
790,3,1,3,"Marshall: (on Phone. Singing) What's up, Ted?"
791,3,1,3,Ted: (on Phone) Are you alright?
792,3,1,3,Marshall: (on Phone) Yeah.
793,3,1,3,"Ted: (on Phone) Hey, guess where I am? I'm on a... ready? Plane to... ready?...Philadelphia."
794,3,1,3,Marshall: (on Phone) That is awesome.
795,3,1,3,"Barney: Hey, is that Marshall? (Takes Phone) Marshall, stop whatever you're doing, get in that hoopty-ass Vierro of yours and come meet us in Philly. It's going to be legendary."
796,3,1,3,"Marshall: (on Phone) Man, I wish I could, guys, but..."
797,3,1,3,"Barney: Yeah, yeah, yeah... I sent you some pictures on my phone, check it. (Pictures show Barney doing ""I see you"" hang gesture) Philly! (Hangs up. To Ted) Admit it, you're having fun. This much fun. Thirty-five thousand feet of fun!"
798,3,1,3,"Ted: Well I didn't think we'd be on a flying to Philadelphia when I woke up this morning, I'll give you that."
799,3,1,3,Barney: Let's go talk to those girls.
800,3,1,3,"Ted: Whoa, whoa, whoa, the seatbelt light is on."
801,3,1,3,"Barney: Ted, you've been living your whole life in a seatbelt. It's time to unclick. (Unclicks)"
802,3,1,3,"Fight Attendant: (Walks by) Sir, seatbelt light's on."
803,3,1,3,"Barney: (sits back down) Yeah, sorry, sorry."
804,3,1,3,[The Bar - Lily/Robin]
805,3,1,3,Lily: So I grew up in Park Slope.
806,3,1,3,"Robin: Oh, I love Park Slope. When did you move to Manhattan?"
807,3,1,3,Guy#2: (Interrupts. To Robin) You're from Park Slope.
808,3,1,3,"Robin: (Smiling) Uh, no she is. (Points to Lily)"
809,3,1,3,Guy#2: (Ignoring Lily) So where're you from? Heaven.
810,3,1,3,"Robin: Yeah, I'm a ghost! Died fifteen years ago, like that pickup line."
811,3,1,3,Lily: (Laughs) Heyow.
812,3,1,3,(Guy#2 leaves)
813,3,1,3,"Robin: God, I'm so sorry."
814,3,1,3,"Lily: Oh, believe me I've been there. I have this line that I use when guys come (Guy#3 walks by) Check it out."
815,3,1,3,Guy#3: (To Robin) Hey.
816,3,1,3,"Lily: You take this one, I'll save it for the next one."
817,3,1,3,[In the Plane - Ted/Barney/Laura/Tatiana]
818,3,1,3,(Ted and Barney are chatting with Laura and Tatiana)
819,3,1,3,Ted: So what brings you guys to Philly?
820,3,1,3,Laura: We're visiting our boyfriends.
821,3,1,3,Tatiana: I think Chris is going to propose this weekend!
822,3,1,3,Laura: (laughs) Isn't that great.
823,3,1,3,Ted: (To Barney) So great.
824,3,1,3,"Narrator: So there we were, stuck on a plane to Philadelphia with two very unsingle girls. All thanks to your Uncle Barney."
825,3,1,3,Laura: (Shows them pictures) Aren't they cute? They're both linebackers for the Eagles.
826,3,1,3,Ted: Both? (To Barney) Both of their boyfriends are linebackers.
827,3,1,3,[The Bar - Lily/Robin]
828,3,1,3,(Lily on cell phone with Marshall)
829,3,1,3,Lily: (On Phone) You're going to Philly? Why...
830,3,1,3,Marshall: (On Phone) I...I didn't ask.
831,3,1,3,Lily: (On Phone) Well it sounds like you're having a lot more fun than I am. I'm just talking to guys' backs while they hit on Robin.
832,3,1,3,"Marshall: (On Phone) Ouff, yeah... I bet she gets that a lot."
833,3,1,3,Lily: (On Phone) Don't you bet I get that a lot?
834,3,1,3,"Marshall: (On Phone) Not with a ring on your finger. I mean, you know, guys see the ring and it's like Cha-Chung! Marshall parking only."
835,3,1,3,"Lily: (On Phone) Oh, of course, that's it the ring! I guess I'm not used to it yet."
836,3,1,3,"Marshall: (On Phone) Oh, it's totally the ring. If you took that ring off your finger, you'd have a ton o' guys crowding around your junk."
837,3,1,3,Lily: (On Phone) I'm not going to take off my ring! Wouldn't you be jealous of guys swarming all over my beeswax?
838,3,1,3,"Mashall: (On Phone) Oh yeah, you know me, I'm the jealous type. Any groom so much as look at you, I'm a sack him in the kisser, no seriously, you girls have a good time tonight. (hangs up)"
839,3,1,3,Lily: (On Phone) Bye.
840,3,1,3,(Lily takes ring off and places it in her pocket)
841,3,1,3,"Lily: Robin! Robin. (Waves her left hand ridiculously to show that she has no ring. Robin walks over) Hey, I'm over here."
842,3,1,3,[Marshall's car - Marshall](Split scene of Barney and Ted vs. Marshall)
843,3,1,3,Marshall: (On Phone) G-g-g-going to Philly!
844,3,1,3,"Ted: (On Phone) Marshall, don't come to Philly."
845,3,1,3,Marshall: (On Phone) But we're on an adventure!
846,3,1,3,"Ted: (On Phone) We're on a Tarmac in Philadelphia, crazy adventure."
847,3,1,3,Marshall: (On Phone) Fine! (Hangs up)
848,3,1,3,"Barney: (To Ted) No! No! The night is just started. Look, airport bar. Flight attendants! They'll get your tray table at its full upright position. Say what? (Goes for a high five)"
849,3,1,3,"Officer McNeil: Passengers Mosby and Stinson? Please come with us, gentlemen. Keep your hands where I can see them."
850,3,1,3,"Ted: Barney, I am going to kill you."
851,3,1,3,"Barney: Don't say you're going to kill someone in front of airport security, not cool. (To security) Not cool."
852,3,1,3,[Officer McNeil's Office - A cop/Officer McNeil/Ted/Barney]
853,3,1,3,Barney: This is an outrage. We are international businessmen on an international business trip. I demand you release us immediately.
854,3,1,3,"Ted: You demand!? No, no, no, no, no... he does not demand. We... we... we have no demands!"
855,3,1,3,"Officer McNeil: Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to remain calm."
856,3,1,3,"Ted: (Whispering) Okay, yeah. I'm calm... I'm totally calm."
857,3,1,3,"Officer McNeil: We got footage of you placing two bags on JFK carousel three, and abandoning them to purchase a last minute flight with cash."
858,3,1,3,Barney: (To Ted) Those bags were your responsibility.
859,3,1,3,Ted: They were your bags.
860,3,1,3,"Officer McNeil: Sir, please. We're assessing the bag situation."
861,3,1,3,
862,3,1,3,"(Cut to JFK Airport, Carousel three. Bomb squad are hovering equipment over their bags)"
863,3,1,3,(Officer McNeil's office)
864,3,1,3,"Ted: Look, this is all just... it's a misunderstanding."
865,3,1,3,Barney: (Stopping him) Please. (Silence) We are international businessmen. My colleague accidentally left the bags there now please let us go before we miss our international business meeting.
866,3,1,3,"Officer McNeil: Can't remember the last time I saw an international business man with an untucked shirt. In addition, we received this footage taken over the last few months."
867,3,1,3,"(Footage shows Barney placing two bags onto a carousel and JFK airport. And then a footage of a bag unzipping itself, and Barney jumps out of it to flirt with a woman)"
868,3,1,3,"Barney: Believe it or not, that duff bag thing worked."
869,3,1,3,"Ted: Truth is, my friend... he does this thing where he goes to airports with fake luggage to pick up girls and we followed some here to Philadelphia. That's it! That's all this is!"
870,3,1,3,Officer McNeil: Nobody's that lame.
871,3,1,3,"Ted: Yes, he's that lame. Tell them you're that lame!"
872,3,1,3,(Silence)
873,3,1,3,Barney: We are international businessmen...
874,3,1,3,Ted: OH COME ON!
875,3,1,3,Officer McNeil: Sir! Lower your voice or we'll restrain you.
876,3,1,3,"Barney: Dude, seriously, relax."
877,3,1,3,Ted: We at least get to call our lawyer.
878,3,1,3,Barney: Exactly! (To Ted) We have a lawyer?
879,3,1,3,[Marshall's car - Marshall]
880,3,1,3,"Marshall: (On Phone) Listen to me, you're both American citizens. Don't let them pull any patriot-act voodoo. You both retain the right to refuse to answer any questions without an attorney present so don't say anything until I get there, alright? Okay, goodbye (Hangs up. Sings) To Philly! The adventure continues! Destroy!"
881,3,1,3,
882,3,1,3,[The Bar - Lily/Robin]
883,3,1,3,"Robin: It's ridiculous in here, why don't we go somewhere else?"
884,3,1,3,"Lily: (Unbuttoning sweater) No, this place is great (positions mouth in an inviting kiss position)"
885,3,1,3,Robin: What are you doing?
886,3,1,3,Lily: What?
887,3,1,3,Robin: With your lips and everything...?
888,3,1,3,Lily: My lips are always like this (drinks martini and drops it all over her blouse)
889,3,1,3,[Officer McNeil's Office - Ted/Barney/Officer McNeil]
890,3,1,3,(Ted and Barney have their heads on the table and their hands tied behind their backs)
891,3,1,3,Ted: You had to play the race card.
892,3,1,3,"Barney: Relax, Ted. We didn't do anything wrong. And, B.T.W, we'd be out of here by now if you'd have tucked in your shirt. (Ted turns his head to face away from Barney)"
893,3,1,3,"Officer McNeil: Go ahead, JFK... what is the baggage status?"
894,3,1,3,")Cut to JFK Airport, Carousel three with the Bomb Squad)"
895,3,1,3,Bomb Squad Guy: They're clean. It's just a whole bunch of condoms... and a power bar.
896,3,1,3,(Cut back to Officer McNeil's Office)
897,3,1,3,Officer McNeil: You're free to go.
898,3,1,3,[Marshall's car - Marshall]
899,3,1,3,Ted: (On Phone) Don't come to Philly.
900,3,1,3,"Marshall: (On Phone) Man, I'm almost half way there!"
901,3,1,3,"Ted: (On Phone) Yeah, we just got released and we're heading back on the next flight. Meet us at MacLaren's maybe we can still make last call."
902,3,1,3,Marshall: (On Phone) Can't we just... just...
903,3,1,3,"Ted: (On Phone) No, we can't just... we're going home!"
904,3,1,3,Barney: (To Ted) We're going to Sascha's?
905,3,1,3,Ted: Who the hell is Sascha?
906,3,1,3,Barney: Sascha. (Points to Security Woman) She's having friends over for drinks at her house. It's goanna be legen... wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose intolerant 'cuz the second half of that word is... dairy.
907,3,1,3,Ted: No.
908,3,1,3,Barney: Legendary!
909,3,1,3,"Marshall: (On Phone) Legendary, that sounds awesome!"
910,3,1,3,"Ted: (On Phone) No, Marshall, we're going back."
911,3,1,3,Marshall: (On Phone. Sighs) Fine. (Beep) Hold on I have another call. (Presses button) Hello.
912,3,1,3,"Barney: (On Phone) Marshall, we're going to Sascha's!"
913,3,1,3,"Ted: No, we're not."
914,3,1,3,"Barney: (On Phone) Ted, Ted, Ted. (Does I'm watching you hand gesture) Yes, we are."
915,3,1,3,"Marshall: (On Phone With Ted) Sorry, Buddy, two against one. (hangs up)"
916,3,1,3,[The Bar - Lily/Robin]
917,3,1,3,"Robin: Ooh, look a booth opened up."
918,3,1,3,Lily: Really.
919,3,1,3,"Robin: Yeah, I thought we could finally go talk, and you're not listening to me, so I'm going to walk away. (notices Lily is busy staring at a stranger)"
920,3,1,3,"Lily: Yeah, yeah...booth (throws purse to Robin, spots a man. Robin leaves to booth. Man walks up to Robin.)"
921,3,1,3,Derrick: Hey.
922,3,1,3,"Lily: (Smiling) Hey. (Silence) I'm engaged, sorry. (Puts ring on) I took my ring off! It's very, very sweet of you to come over and talk to me, but I... just..."
923,3,1,3,"Derrick: Yeah, I'm gay. Just came over to let you know that you sat on a grape. (Lily peels squished grape off her dress)"
924,3,1,3,"Lily: Oh, damn it! (Takes ring off and places it in her pocket, upset)"
925,3,1,3,[Cut to Scenes of Philly]
926,3,1,3,"Narrator: So, Barney and I hit the town. Philadelphia, PA. Our first and only stop... Sascha's party."
927,3,1,3,[Sascha's house - Sascha/Sascha friend's/Ted/Barney]
928,3,1,3,(It's messy and Ted is extremely bored. He's sitting on a couch beside Barney and they are both sitting between to men on a yellow couch staring at space)
929,3,1,3,"Barney: So, uh... you're Sascha's friends, huh?"
930,3,1,3,Dana: You know it.
931,3,1,3,"Sascha: (Comes down the stairs with drinks) You guys, keep the volume down. You're goanna wake my grandpa. Who wants hard lemonade? (They all take some)"
932,3,1,3,Barney: Philly!
933,3,1,3,Sascha: Shh!
934,3,1,3,Barney: (Whispers) Philly!
935,3,1,3,[The Bar - Lily/Robin]
936,3,1,3,"Narrator: Back at the bar, the girls night out wasn't going as Robin had hoped. (Cell Phone rings)"
937,3,1,3,Robin: (On Phone) Lily's phone.
938,3,1,3,Marshall: (On Phone) Robin! Uh... Where's Lily
939,3,1,3,Robin: (On Phone) She's uh...
940,3,1,3,"Marshall: (On Phone) Is she talking to some hot guy? Oh, you can tell me. It's totally cool. It was my idea! Hell, I told her she could take the ring off."
941,3,1,3,"Robin: (On Phone) Really? Well I thought it was kinda weird, but if you're cool with it. Yeah. It's off and she's talking to some guy. Do you want me to go over and..."
942,3,1,3,"Marshall: (On Phone) No! Don't interrupt it's awesome. So the rings really off, huh? (Realizing what he's done) It's awesome... Well just tell her I called and... tell her that... she's awesome. (Hangs up. Sings dryly) Really, really awesome. Our relationship is built on mutual trust. (Dryly) I can't breathe!"
943,3,1,3,[Sascha's house - Sascha/Saschas's friends/Ted/Barney]
944,3,1,3,"Barney: (Laughs) Did you hear that, Ted? Dana works security at the Liberty Bell."
945,3,1,3,Dana: (Smiling) I do okay.
946,3,1,3,Barney: Wow it must be really well cornered off over there. You ever go behind the rope and touch it?
947,3,1,3,Dana: Only all the time.
948,3,1,3,"Barney: Ever, like, stick your head inside it?"
949,3,1,3,Dana: Yeah.
950,3,1,3,Barney: D'you ever lick it?
951,3,1,3,"Dana: Nope, I have never licked it."
952,3,1,3,Barney: Hmm... I bet nobody in history has ever licked the Liberty Bell! If someone were to pull that off I dare say it would be... what's the word?
953,3,1,3,"Ted: (Decides he's going to leave) Well, this is my stop."
954,3,1,3,"Barney: Legendary, Ted, LEGENDARY!"
955,3,1,3,"Ted: Barney, I'm going to the airport. Sascha, thank you... and uh... tell your grandpa I'm sorry I walked in on him in the bathroom. (Leaves)"
956,3,1,3,
957,3,1,3,[The Bar - Robin/Lily/Derrick]
958,3,1,3,Derrick: I'll get some Club Soda for that stain. (Leaves)
959,3,1,3,"Robin: (enters) Lily, I thought tonight was about us hanging out, what are you doing?"
960,3,1,3,Lily: Just fending up the advances of that totally hot guy.
961,3,1,3,"Robin: Dude, I think that guy is gay."
962,3,1,3,"Lily: (Gives in) Oh, I know that guy is gay. Just Marshall and I have been together for nine years. I haven't been single since high school."
963,3,1,3,"Robin: You wanna be single? (Laughs) You wanna fight off loser guys all night, does that seem like fun to you?"
964,3,1,3,"Lily: I guess I wanted to throw this net back into the ocean and see how many fish I could catch. So far, one. One gay dolphin. (Smiles)"
965,3,1,3,"Robin: And Marshall. Lily, all these girls here tonight are looking to catch what you've already got."
966,3,1,3,Lily: You're right I know. Hey do you wanna get some coffee and have an actual conversation?
967,3,1,3,"Robin: If, by ""Coffee"" you mean ""Cheesecake"", then yes."
968,3,1,3,"Derrick: (enters) Hey, I got that Club Soda. Let's see that booty. (Lily bends over for him to clean the stain, Marshall walks in)"
969,3,1,3,"Lily: Oh, thank you so much."
970,3,1,3,Marshall (infuriated) You wanna mess pal? That's my fiancé's hot backside that you're dabbing.
971,3,1,3,"Lily: Marshall, no."
972,3,1,3,"Marshall: Baby, please don't ever take that ring off again. No matter how awesome I say that it is."
973,3,1,3,"Derrick: It's okay, man..."
974,3,1,3,Marshall: BACK OFF HOMBRE. I'm not that afraid to fight you. You wanna test this guy? Be my guest!
975,3,1,3,"Lily: Marshall, he's gay!"
976,3,1,3,"Marshall: Oh, thank god... I've never been in a fight before. (hugs him)"
977,3,1,3,Derrick: You don't say!
978,3,1,3,(Scene Freezes)
979,3,1,3,"Narrator: So it turns out Uncle Marshall really was the jealous type. Unfortunately, that guys boyfriend... also the jealous type."
980,3,1,3,(Scene Unfreezes)
981,3,1,3,(Boyfriend pulls Marshall off Derrick and drops him on the floor)
982,3,1,3,Lily: Hey!
983,3,1,3,[Taxi ride to Airport - Ted/Barney]
984,3,1,3,(Ted is exhausted and crabby)
985,3,1,3,Barney: Could have licked the Liberty Bell.
986,3,1,3,Ted: We're going to the airport.
987,3,1,3,"Barney: Bong, bong..."
988,3,1,3,"Ted: Why do I hang out with you? Why? All I wanted was to have a regular beer, in a regular bar with my regular friends, in my regular city!"
989,3,1,3,"Barney: Ted, Ted... you're not even looking."
990,3,1,3,"Ted: No, I'm not."
991,3,1,3,"Barney: Look, our forefathers died for the pursuit of happiness, okay. Not for the sit around and wait of happiness. Now if you want, you can go to the same bar, drink the same beer talk to the same people everyday, or you can lick the Liberty Bell! You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it!"
992,3,1,3,"Cabdriver#2: That was beautiful, man!"
993,3,1,3,"Barney: Thanks, Leonard. Ted, you're missing out on a valuable life lesson!"
994,3,1,3,"Ted: Look, I don't need you to teach me how to live, okay. I know how to live. If you want to go lick the Liberty Bell just go lick it yourself."
995,3,1,3,"Barney: No, it has to be the two of us."
996,3,1,3,Ted: Why? Why do you need me?
997,3,1,3,"Barney: Because, you're my best friend, alright? You don't have to tell me I'm yours. But the way I see it, we're a team. Without you, I'm just the dynamic uno. You know what, fine. If you wanna go home... then we'll go home."
998,3,1,3,Ted: Fine...we'll go lick the Liberty Bell!
999,3,1,3,"Barney: Good, (smiles) 'cuz we're here! (Hops out)"
1000,3,1,3,"Ted: (voice) I had no idea how Barney redirected the cab without me knowing, but we got out, Dana let us in and by god we licked the Liberty Bell. And you know what it tastes like?"
1001,3,1,3,[The Bar - Ted/Cute Girl]
1002,3,1,3,(Ted talking to a woman)
1003,3,1,3,Cute Girl: What?
1004,3,1,3,Ted: Freedom... No actually it tasted like pennies.
1005,3,1,3,"Cute Girl: (laughs) My, god. Did you guys really do that?"
1006,3,1,3,"Narrator: We really did and that was when I realized why I hung out with Barney. I never got where I thought I wanted to go, but I always got a great story."
1007,3,1,3,[Title: The Year 2030]
1008,3,1,3,"Daughter: So, that girl you were talking to... that was mom?"
1009,3,1,3,"Narrator: Kids, every story in a man's life is like a dot in an impressionist's painting. And when you..."
1010,3,1,3,Son: So that's a no?
1011,3,1,3,"Narrator: Yeah, that's a no. (Kids are fed up) What? Come on!"
1012,4,1,4,"[""How I Met Your Mother"", credits]"
1013,4,1,4,[Title: The Year 2030]
1014,4,1,4,"Narrator: Kids, when you're single all you're looking for is happily ever after. But only one of your stories can end that way. The rest end with someone getting hurt. This is one of those stories, and it starts... with a shirt."
1015,4,1,4,Daughter: A shirt?
1016,4,1,4,Narrator: Just listen...
1017,4,1,4,[The Year 2005]
1018,4,1,4,[The Apartment - Ted]
1019,4,1,4,(Ted in the closet taking out a shirt)
1020,4,1,4,Narrator: Because none of this would have happened if it hadn't have been for that shirt.
1021,4,1,4,Ted: (mouths) Wow.
1022,4,1,4,[The Bar - Barney/Lily/Robin/Marshall/Ted]
1023,4,1,4,(Ted enters)
1024,4,1,4,Robin: Nice shirt!
1025,4,1,4,Ted: Right? Right?
1026,4,1,4,Lily: Look at those colors! Green and brown together at last!
1027,4,1,4,"Marshall: Hot top, Bro, is it new?"
1028,4,1,4,"Ted: That's the crazy part. I've had this shirt for, like, six years... Until this morning I wasn't into it at all, but now it's like my tastes have changed."
1029,4,1,4,Barney: Booger.
1030,4,1,4,"Ted: Yes, hello, Barney."
1031,4,1,4,Robin: Barney's offering me fifty bucks to say some stupid word on a live news report.
1032,4,1,4,"Barney: Not some stupid word, ""Booger""."
1033,4,1,4,"Robin: But I'm not doing it, I am a journalist."
1034,4,1,4,"Barney: What? Journalist? You do the little fluff pieces at the end of the news. Old people, babies, monkeys... that's not journalism, that's just things in a diaper."
1035,4,1,4,"Robin: For your information, my boss is about to bump me up to the City Hall beat."
1036,4,1,4,"Lily: City hall, Miss Thang!"
1037,4,1,4,"Robin: So I'm not going to jeopardize my promotion by saying ""Booger"" for fifty bucks."
1038,4,1,4,"Barney: Of course not, because now you're saying ""Nipple"" and it's a hundred! (Whispers) Step into my web."
1039,4,1,4,Ted: (Sipping drink) Mmm... Who's bourbon is this?
1040,4,1,4,"Lily: Ooh, I don't know. It was here when we sat down."
1041,4,1,4,"Ted: Aaah, point is. I seem to like bourbon now. I could have sworn I hated bourbon. First the shirt, now bourbon. I spent twenty-seven years making up my mind about things, right? The movie I saw once in Haden, the city I'll never go back to because it was raining the day I visited. Maybe it's time to start forming some second impressions..."
1042,4,1,4,"Marshall: You're finally gonna watch ""Goonies AGAIN? Slow love, Chuck""."
1043,4,1,4,"Ted: (Laughs) Not Goonies, girls. What if there's someone from my past, who I thought was wrong for me at the time, but in fact she, like my shirt, is actually a perfect fit?"
1044,4,1,4,"Barney: Hold up, there are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated. Breast, Implants."
1045,4,1,4,"Lily: That's not a bad idea. Let's think, Ted's greatest hits... what about that girl, Steph?"
1046,4,1,4,Ted: Steph...
1047,4,1,4,[Flashback to Dinner with Steph]
1048,4,1,4,"Stefanie: Okay, this is difficult to say, back when I lived in LA, I was pretty broke, so I spent a month making adult films."
1049,4,1,4,"Ted: Wow, okay... how many did you make?"
1050,4,1,4,Stefanie: A-hundred-and-seventy-five.
1051,4,1,4,[Flashback ends]
1052,4,1,4,Lily: Say what you will about the p0rn industry... they are hard workers.
1053,4,1,4,Marshall: What about that chick...um...Jackie?
1054,4,1,4,[Flashback to Dinner with Jackie]
1055,4,1,4,Ted: And my bathing suit had fallen completely off.
1056,4,1,4,"Jackie: (laughs with Ted) I know the feeling, once... when I was sixteen, I was driving, and I hit this hitchhiker. Don't know what happened to him... just kept drivin'! (Laughs)"
1057,4,1,4,[Flashback ends]
1058,4,1,4,Ted: Uh...no.
1059,4,1,4,Lily: What about Natalie!
1060,4,1,4,Marshall and Ted: Natalie!
1061,4,1,4,Robin: Who's Natalie?
1062,4,1,4,"Narrator: Natalie, I had so many fond memories of her. The tea candles on her dresser. The sock monkey collection on her bed. That one Belle and Sebastian song that she always listened to. Her smile."
1063,4,1,4,"Ted: Man, I haven't seen her in like three years!"
1064,4,1,4,Robin: Well why'd you guys break up?
1065,4,1,4,"Ted: I just wasn't looking for a big commitment at the time, of course now a big commitment doesn't seem so bad... maybe I should call her? What do you guys think?"
1066,4,1,4,Barney: You dumped a p0rn star? Friendship over (gets up) FRIENDSHIP OVER!
1067,4,1,4,[Robin's Boss's office - Robin/Joel Adams]
1068,4,1,4,"Mr. Adams: Come in, (On Phone) Alright, I'll get back to you. (Hangs up)"
1069,4,1,4,"Robin: You wanted to see me, Mr. Adams?"
1070,4,1,4,"Mr. Adams: Yes, I did. I need you to cover a story. (Nods) It's down at City Hall."
1071,4,1,4,"Robin: City Hall? (Pans In) Oh, my god."
1072,4,1,4,"[City Hall, Hotdog stand - Robin]"
1073,4,1,4,"Robin: So, next time you're passing City Hall, make sure and stop by New York's oldest hotdog cart. Today a delicious hotdog will cost you $2.50, but back when the stand first opened in 1955, you could get one for only a nipple. Reporting live, Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News One."
1074,4,1,4,[The Apartment - Robin/Lily]
1075,4,1,4,"Robin: I said, ""Nipple"" on the news! That was so unprofessional! I said, ""Nipple"" on the news!"
1076,4,1,4,Lily: At least it's better than booger. (Laughs) Booger.
1077,4,1,4,(Barney Enters)
1078,4,1,4,"Barney: There she is. Hey is it cold in here, because I can kind of see Robin's nickels? Now for your next challenge..."
1079,4,1,4,"Robin: No, there is not going to be another challenge, I don't care how much you offer me."
1080,4,1,4,"Barney: Oh, search your soul, Robin. You and I both know this wasn't about the money. Sure, Metro News One pays you jack and hey, a little green salad on the side's good for you, me and Mr. McGee."
1081,4,1,4,"Lily: Seriously, who talks like that?"
1082,4,1,4,"Barney: Well baby really likes, is the thrill of pulling one over on those bean counters, who under appreciate you and still haven't promoted you. And for two more hundy-sticks, baby's going to look in the camera and say this (Whispers in her ear)"
1083,4,1,4,Lily: Eew. I'm just assuming.
1084,4,1,4,Robin: (sighs) I gotta get back to work. See ya.
1085,4,1,4,Lily: Bye.
1086,4,1,4,Robin: (To Barney) Baby's going to think about it.
1087,4,1,4,(Robin leaves. Ted enters from bedroom)
1088,4,1,4,Ted: Found it! I found Natalie's number.
1089,4,1,4,"Lily: Hey, Ted. Nice shirt! Is it yesterday already?"
1090,4,1,4,"Ted: Thank you. I am calling her; this is crazy I haven't talked to her in, like, three years. I wonder if she even remembers me."
1091,4,1,4,[Natalie's Apartment - Natalie]
1092,4,1,4,(She picks up the ringing phone)
1093,4,1,4,Natalie: Hello?
1094,4,1,4,"Ted: Natalie, its Ted Mosby."
1095,4,1,4,Natalie: Go to hell. (Hangs up)
1096,4,1,4,Ted: She remembers me.
1097,4,1,4,[The Apartment - Ted/Lily/Barney]
1098,4,1,4,Lily: Why would Natalie hang up on you?
1099,4,1,4,Ted: I don't know!
1100,4,1,4,Barney: Did you sleep with her sister?
1101,4,1,4,Ted: No.
1102,4,1,4,Barney: Sleep with her mom?
1103,4,1,4,Ted: No.
1104,4,1,4,Barney: I'm losing interest in your story.
1105,4,1,4,"Lily: Well, you must have done something. Why did you guys break up?"
1106,4,1,4,Marshall: He wasn't ready for a commitment.
1107,4,1,4,Lily: Uh-huh.
1108,4,1,4,Ted: And her birthday might have been coming up.
1109,4,1,4,Lily: (angrier) Uh-huh...
1110,4,1,4,"Ted: Okay, so I didn't wanna get a boyfriend level gift for a girl I was just about to break up with."
1111,4,1,4,Lily: So you dumped her right before her birthday?
1112,4,1,4,"Ted: No, I didn't dump her... right before her birthday."
1113,4,1,4,Marshall: Uh-oh.
1114,4,1,4,[Flashback to Day of Break up. Ted's on the phone]
1115,4,1,4,"Ted: Natalie! Hey, Happy Birthday! Listen..."
1116,4,1,4,[Flashback ends]
1117,4,1,4,Lily: (hitting Ted with every word) Never...break...up...with...a...girl...on...her...birthday!
1118,4,1,4,"Ted: LILY WAIT, THE SHIRT! I KNOW, IT WAS A MISTAKE!"
1119,4,1,4,"Lily: Well, did she cry her eyes out?"
1120,4,1,4,Ted: I don't know.
1121,4,1,4,"Lily: How do you n...Oh, you didn't!"
1122,4,1,4,[Flashback to Day of Break up. Ted's on the phone]
1123,4,1,4,"Ted: Natalie! Hey, Happy Birthday! (Scene splits in two to show he's leaving a message on her machine) Listen... you're awesome. You really are... awesome. I'm just like super busy right now, so... maybe we should just... call it a day. But you're awesome."
1124,4,1,4,[Flashback ends]
1125,4,1,4,Lily: (Hitting with every word) On...her...answering...machine!? And...on...her... birthday? Oh... who... breaks... up... with... somebody... on... their... answering... machine... on... their... birthday?!
1126,4,1,4,"Marshall: Yeah, dude, email!"
1127,4,1,4,"Lily: Not exactly the point I was trying to make, Marshall. That is a terrible way to break up with someone."
1128,4,1,4,"Marshall: Okay, in my client's defense. Is there an unterrible way to break up with somebody? No. Personally I'd rather hear the bad news on an answering machine than face the humiliation in person. (Lily Picks up her phone) It's the least painful way you can do it. Who are you calling?"
1129,4,1,4,"Lily: (On Phone) Hi, Marshall, it's Lily. We're not going have s*x for at least a month. But you're awesome. Okay bye-bye. (Hangs up)"
1130,4,1,4,"Barney: Know, that was a big mistake, Ted. You should've done it in person."
1131,4,1,4,Lily: Thank you.
1132,4,1,4,"Barney: Desperate ""Please-don't-leave-me"" s*x is amazing."
1133,4,1,4,"Ted: Okay, it was childish and stupid, I just...I didn't want to see her cry."
1134,4,1,4,Lily: Well guess what? She cried! You just didn't have the sack to face those tears.
1135,4,1,4,"Ted: That was me then, okay? This is the new old shirt-wearing, sack-having Ted. I'm gonna make this right."
1136,4,1,4,Barney: You know what else? My younger sister just got married and I'm about to turn thirty-sex. Fantastic.
1137,4,1,4,[Robin's in a deceased's house]
1138,4,1,4,"Robin: An occasion that was supposed to be joyous suddenly turned tragic when Ethel and Sadie Marsolis, New York's oldest twins, suddenly passed away on this, the eve of their one hundredth birthday. I'm a dirty, dirty girl (Slaps behind). Ow. Reporting live, Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News One."
1139,4,1,4,(Camera man mutters a word or two)
1140,4,1,4,Producer: Joel Adam's wants to see you in his office (leaves)
1141,4,1,4,[Mr. Adam's Office - Robin/Mr. Adams]
1142,4,1,4,"Robin: Before you say anything, I just want to say, I really like working here at Metro News One."
1143,4,1,4,Mr. Adams: That's great. So my dog keeps going (Makes three consecutive dog scoffs)
1144,4,1,4,Robin: What?
1145,4,1,4,"Mr. Adams: Well you have dogs, right? What do you... what do you think that means?"
1146,4,1,4,Robin: Take him to the vet?
1147,4,1,4,Mr. Adams: Genius. (Smiles) That's one I owe you.
1148,4,1,4,Robin: Was that all?
1149,4,1,4,Mr. Adams: Yeah.
1150,4,1,4,(Robin gets up to leave. Then stops)
1151,4,1,4,Robin: And nothing about the twins' story?
1152,4,1,4,"Mr. Adams: Oh, yeah, great job on that one. New York loves you. You're a superstar, bye-bye."
1153,4,1,4,"Narrator: That's when Robin realized, no one, not even her boss, watched Metro News One."
1154,4,1,4,[Natalie's Apartment]
1155,4,1,4,(Bell Rings. Natalie looks through the peephole and sees a giant sock monkey. Opens the door)
1156,4,1,4,Ted: Hi.
1157,4,1,4,(Natalie slams door shut)
1158,4,1,4,"Ted: Natalie. Come on, I just want to say I'm sorry. I only came down here because you wouldn't take my call."
1159,4,1,4,Natalie: I have an idea. Why don't you leave a message?
1160,4,1,4,"Ted: (Fake laughs) Good one. Okay, fine. I'm just going to leave this sock monkey here (Pretends to walk away) Goodbye."
1161,4,1,4,(Natalie opens door. Ted jumps in)
1162,4,1,4,Ted: Natalie... I.
1163,4,1,4,Natalie: OH!
1164,4,1,4,"Ted: OKAY, okay... I... look, look. I know you're mad. Happy Birthday (hands her a sock monkey) Three years ago."
1165,4,1,4,Natalie: Oh yeah? Up yours... three years ago (closes door. Ted opens it)
1166,4,1,4,"Ted: No, look... I was an idiot for leaving that message. I realize how much that sucked."
1167,4,1,4,Natalie: (shakes her head) No you don't.
1168,4,1,4,[Flashback to Day of Breakup]
1169,4,1,4,(Pans out on Answering Machine to show people listening in the apartment because it's a surprise party)
1170,4,1,4,"Ted: (On Machine) Maybe we should just, call it a day? But you're awesome. Okay, bye. (Hangs up)"
1171,4,1,4,(Natalie walks in. Everyone stands up)
1172,4,1,4,One Guest: Surprise...
1173,4,1,4,(Awkward moment)
1174,4,1,4,[Flashback ends]
1175,4,1,4,"Ted: There was a surprise party that night? (Natalie nods) How come nobody told me? People think I can't keep a secret but I totally can! Sorry, not the issue... Look, Natalie, I was just a stupid kid back then, terrified of commitment."
1176,4,1,4,Natalie: And I suppose you're suddenly ready to get married and settle down?
1177,4,1,4,"Ted: Well, yeah, actually (smiling). I'm a different guy now. Give me another chance."
1178,4,1,4,Natalie: You must think I have absolutely no self respect.
1179,4,1,4,Ted: Come on... Just a cup of coffee. (Pretending the sock monkey's talking) Please Natalie. Give the guy a chance. (Natalie looks at the sock monkey) Self respect is over-rated! (Monkey raises right arm as though it's a fact. Natalie laughs)
1180,4,1,4,
1181,4,1,4,[Natalie's Apartment - Ted/Natalie]
1182,4,1,4,(After s*x)
1183,4,1,4,"Natalie: Wow. Maybe it was the caffeine, but you really brought your game up to a whole new level."
1184,4,1,4,"Ted: Thanks. I did just start subscribing to esquire. They have some helpful columns. The following, is from the October issue."
1185,4,1,4,"Narrator: So, Natalie and I started dating again and just like that it all came back. The tea candles. The Sock monkeys. Belle and Sebastian... all of it. It seemed like happily ever after wasn't far off."
1186,4,1,4,[The Bar - Ted/Natalie/Lily/Marshall/Barney]
1187,4,1,4,"Natalie: Well I better run, I have my Krav Maga class in half an hour."
1188,4,1,4,"Ted: Krav Maga, how cool is it that she does Krav Maga?"
1189,4,1,4,Natalie: Thanks honey.
1190,4,1,4,Ted: Hmm...
1191,4,1,4,"Natalie: Bye, guys."
1192,4,1,4,All: Bye.
1193,4,1,4,"Marshall: Dude, what's Krav Maga?"
1194,4,1,4,Ted: I have no idea. Some kind of yoga?
1195,4,1,4,"Barney: You know, that Natalie... she's good times."
1196,4,1,4,"Marshall: Yeah, she's like the best girl you've dated in years."
1197,4,1,4,"Lily: Yeah, Ted, hold on to that one."
1198,4,1,4,"Ted: Yeah, I have to break up with her."
1199,4,1,4,"Marshall: I don't get it, man, Natalie is awesome."
1200,4,1,4,"Ted: I know, she's terrific, but I have to break up with her."
1201,4,1,4,Lily: (Hitting with every syllable) Why... couldn't... you... leave... that... poor... girl... alone?
1202,4,1,4,"Ted: I know! I hate this. These past three weeks have been great. I should be in love with her, but I'm not feeling that thing. It's ineffable."
1203,4,1,4,Marshall: Ineffable... good word. So when are you going to do it?
1204,4,1,4,"Barney: She's probably on the subway by now. You could call her Voice Mail. Beep, dumped. Click. Done!"
1205,4,1,4,Ted: I have to do this face-to-face. I just... I don't know what I'm going to say!
1206,4,1,4,"Marshall: ""I'm not ready for a commitment."""
1207,4,1,4,"Lily: Oh, that's such a cliché."
1208,4,1,4,"Marshall: It's not a cliché, it's a classic. It's the stairway to heaven of breakup lines."
1209,4,1,4,"Lily: Well, I think Natalie deserves better."
1210,4,1,4,Marshall: Better. There's no better in breaking up. There's only less awful. A cliché's a cliché for a reason. It's comforting.
1211,4,1,4,"Ted: It doesn't matter, I already told her I am ready for a commitment, so... oh, my god... there's no way out... I'm going to have to marry her."
1212,4,1,4,"Marshall: No, no. We're going to get you out of this. Okay, how about... ""It's not you it's me""?"
1213,4,1,4,"Barney: Mm... Mm! Six words! You... look... fat... in... those... jeans..., you're free to go."
1214,4,1,4,"Lily: Ted, have you considered telling her the truth?"
1215,4,1,4,(Barney and Marshall share a laugh)
1216,4,1,4,"Barney: Seriously, honey, men are working, here."
1217,4,1,4,"Lily: Ted, what is the truth? Why do you want to break up with her?"
1218,4,1,4,Ted: The truth? She's not the one.
1219,4,1,4,"Lily: So, tell her that."
1220,4,1,4,"Marshall: Oh, you can't tell her that. That's horrible."
1221,4,1,4,Lily: Why? What is so horrible about that?
1222,4,1,4,"Ted: Yeah, what is so horrible about that?...""She's not the one."" Why is that such a heart-breaking thing to hear? The chances of one person being another person's ""The one"" are like six billion to one."
1223,4,1,4,"Lily: Yeah, you have better chances of winning the lottery."
1224,4,1,4,"Ted: Exactly, you wouldn't take it personally if you lost the lottery."
1225,4,1,4,"Marshall: Alright, man, tell her the truth. She's goanna cry."
1226,4,1,4,"Lily: Yeah, and he's going to sit there and he's going to take it like a man."
1227,4,1,4,Ted: I have to do the mature thing.
1228,4,1,4,(Robin enters)
1229,4,1,4,Robin: Want to talk mature? I just wrapped up a live newscast by honking my own boobs.
1230,4,1,4,"Barney: And great TV was had by all. Alright Scherbatsky, new challenge. And this one's big. But so, is the cash reward. For one thousand dollars, you heard me, all you have to do is get up there on the news and do one of these... (does odd dance)"
1231,4,1,4,Robin: What the hell is that?
1232,4,1,4,All: The Ickey Shuffle.
1233,4,1,4,"Barney: And as you do it, you say this, ""Elbert Ickey Woods. The bangles were fools to cut you in '91. Your 1521 rushing yards and your 27 touch downs will not be forgotten. So Coach Dave Shullah, screw you and your crappy steakhouse."""
1234,4,1,4,"Robin: Just write it down for me. What do I care, it's not like anyone's watching anyway, right? (Sits down)"
1235,4,1,4,"Ted: Man, she's gonna cry."
1236,4,1,4,Lily: Slow loves junk
1237,4,1,4,"Ted: Thanks, Lil."
1238,4,1,4,[At the Restaurant - Natalie/Ted]
1239,4,1,4,Narrator: So the next night I took Natalie out to dinner. To do the mature thing.
1240,4,1,4,"Ted: Look, uh, Natalie there's something I have to say."
1241,4,1,4,"Natalie: Oh wait, wait. There's something I have to say first. Today at work, I had not one, not two, but three birthday cakes, so tonight; can we just skip the cake?"
1242,4,1,4,Ted: Today is your birthday?
1243,4,1,4,"Natalie: Yeah, no that's okay... I wasn't telling anyone about it."
1244,4,1,4,Ted: Today's your birthday! I... I didn't get you anything.
1245,4,1,4,"Natalie: Oh, it's okay. You know you've already given me the best present of all. I can trust again."
1246,4,1,4,"Ted: You're welcome. (Chugs wine. To waiter) Oh, so much more wine."
1247,4,1,4,
1248,4,1,4,"[West 53rd Street, Horse Stable - Robin/Henry]"
1249,4,1,4,"Robin: Henry, as New York's oldest handsome cab driver, you've seen quite a lot."
1250,4,1,4,(Cut to TV in bar)
1251,4,1,4,Robin: (On TV) In your past sixteen years on the job what is your most exciting memory?
1252,4,1,4,Henry: (On TV) Well...
1253,4,1,4,Barney: Ahh! This is it.
1254,4,1,4,"Lily: Oh, boy, here we go."
1255,4,1,4,"Barney: (To everyone in the bar) Everyone, everyone... If I may direct your attention to the television. You're about to see something... amazing."
1256,4,1,4,"Henry: (on TV) And them, in '72, Mickey Mantle rode my cab for the fourth time."
1257,4,1,4,"Barney: Come on, baby... bring it home."
1258,4,1,4,"Henry: (on TV) But the most exciting moment, that would have to be this one, right now."
1259,4,1,4,Robin: (on TV) What?
1260,4,1,4,"Henry: (on TV) Look at me, I'm on TV. I never thought I'd have my story told. Thank you, Miss Robin Scherbatsky."
1261,4,1,4,"(Cut to outside West 53rd Street, Horse Stable)"
1262,4,1,4,Henry: Thank you.
1263,4,1,4,"Narrator: And right then, Aunt Robin realized how important her job truly was."
1264,4,1,4,"Robin: It's an honor to tell your story, Henry."
1265,4,1,4,(On TV in Bar)
1266,4,1,4,"Robin: (on TV) You know, Metro News One may not be number one in viewer ship. But this reporter takes pride in... (trips and falls off camera) Whoa!! OH! Oh, my god! I'm covered in horse crap! It's in my hair!! Oh my, ow... ow my knee."
1267,4,1,4,Marshall: You planned that?
1268,4,1,4,"Barney: No, Marshall. That was beyond my wildest dreams (Robin's wailing on TV)"
1269,4,1,4,[At the Restaurant - Ted/Natalie]
1270,4,1,4,"Natalie: So, if you ever come to Alabama, my mom throws these huge crawfish boils and she's just dying to meet you, by the way."
1271,4,1,4,"Ted: Look, Natalie, there's something I have to say and there's no good way to say it. I wanna break up. I don't think you're the one for me. I don't want to waste your time because I really like you. I wanna do right by you, and I think the best way to do that is just to be honest. I'm sorry. (Natalie covers her face) Just let it out. They're only tears. (Throws her spaghetti on him) Aah!"
1272,4,1,4,Natalie: I'm not the one for you?
1273,4,1,4,Ted: I'm sorry. I just thought the mature thing to do would be...
1274,4,1,4,Natalie: It's my birthday!
1275,4,1,4,"Ted: Yes, I know I didn't realize that it was..."
1276,4,1,4,Natalie: It's my birthday and you're telling me I'm not the one for you?
1277,4,1,4,Ted: It's really not such a big deal. I mean it's the odds. It's like you lost the lottery.
1278,4,1,4,"Natalie: Oh, so dating you is like winning the lottery?"
1279,4,1,4,"Ted: No, no, no. I didn't mean that."
1280,4,1,4,"Natalie: Okay, So what's the problem?"
1281,4,1,4,Ted: It's... I can't explain it.
1282,4,1,4,Natalie: TRY!
1283,4,1,4,Ted: It's... ineffable.
1284,4,1,4,"Natalie: I'm not ""F-able""?"
1285,4,1,4,"Ted: No, no, no, no. Ineffable, ineffable means it can't be explained."
1286,4,1,4,"Natalie: Oh, so I'm stupid?"
1287,4,1,4,"Ted: Oh, god what's going on?"
1288,4,1,4,"Natalie: Okay, ""what's going on"" is, you broke my heart over my answering machine... on my birthday, waited three years for me to get over you. Tracked me down, begged me to go out with you again only so you could dump me three weeks later. Again on my birthday!"
1289,4,1,4,"Ted: No, it's... it's not like that. I'm just... it's, it's, it's."
1290,4,1,4,Natalie: WHAAAT!?
1291,4,1,4,Ted: I'm just like super busy right now.
1292,4,1,4,Narrator: Remember when Natalie said.
1293,4,1,4,[Flashback]
1294,4,1,4,Natalie: I have my Krav Maga class in half an hour.
1295,4,1,4,[Flashback ends]
1296,4,1,4,Narrator: Turns out Krav Maga is not a kind of yoga. It's a form of gorilla street fighting developed by the Israeli army.
1297,4,1,4,(She kicks Ted and he flies back)
1298,4,1,4,[The Bar - Robin/Barney/Marshall/Lily]
1299,4,1,4,Waiter: This is compliments of those two gentlemen at the bar. (For Robin)
1300,4,1,4,Guy#1: (mimicking) My knee!
1301,4,1,4,Guy#2: (mimicking) It's in my hair!
1302,4,1,4,(Robin's embarrassed)
1303,4,1,4,Barney: But isn't it nice to know that people are watching?
1304,4,1,4,(Robin shakes her head. Ted enters bruised)
1305,4,1,4,"Marshall: Oh, my god. Are you alright?"
1306,4,1,4,Lily: What happened to you?
1307,4,1,4,"Ted: Told the truth, turns out the truth has a mean round house kick."
1308,4,1,4,"Marshall: Oh, man."
1309,4,1,4,"Lily: Oh, well you did the right thing. I'm proud of you."
1310,4,1,4,Ted: I'm bleeding internally.
1311,4,1,4,"Barney: Hey, Ted, you know what always picks me up when I'm down? Other people's misfortune. You missed something so amazing."
1312,4,1,4,Robin: Please can we please have one person in this whole bar who didn't see it?
1313,4,1,4,Barney: Fine.
1314,4,1,4,Lily: Are you okay?
1315,4,1,4,"Ted: I really thought I was going the good way this time. I guess there is no good way. Sometimes no matter how hard you try to do the right thing, you just end up flat on your back flailing around in a big pile of horse crap!"
1316,4,1,4,Robin: You saw it?
1317,4,1,4,"Ted: It's going against the internet now! It's okay, grow up."
1318,4,1,4,Narrator: And that's how it ended with Natalie. No happily ever after. Just a whole lot of hurt. And just like that all those wonderful memories were replaced. By this one
1319,4,1,4,(Cut to Natalie beating him up)
1320,4,1,4,"Narrator: But you know, bad as that night was... within a year Natalie was married. With three beautiful children. So that's the up side of her. Sometimes it happens for a reason."
1321,4,1,4,[Title: The Year 2030]
1322,4,1,4,"Son: Wow, so you beat up by a girl?"
1323,4,1,4,Narrator: Is that all you're taking away from this story?
1324,4,1,4,Son: You got beat up by a girl?
1325,4,1,4,"Narrator: Hey, she knew Krav Maga."
1326,5,1,5,"[ How I Met Your Mother, credits]"
1327,5,1,5,[Title: The Year 2030]
1328,5,1,5,"Narrator: So kids, would you like to hear the story of the time I went deaf?"
1329,5,1,5,Son: Why does he even ask?
1330,5,1,5,"Daughter: I know, he's just going to tell us anyway."
1331,5,1,5,Narrator: I sure am. It all began.
1332,5,1,5,[The Bar - Ted/Robin/Barney]
1333,5,1,5,Narrator: When Robin strolled into the bar and said.
1334,5,1,5,Robin: Say you're my bitch.
1335,5,1,5,Ted: I'm your bitch. Why this time?
1336,5,1,5,"Robin: Because tonight, I am getting us all into ""Okay""."
1337,5,1,5,"Barney: ""Okay""!? Awesome!!"
1338,5,1,5,"Ted: What's going on, did I just have a stroke?"
1339,5,1,5,"Barney: ""Okay"" is the name of a club. Yeah, it's supposed to be incredibly exclusive. This friend of mine once waited outside for two hours, he couldn't get in."
1340,5,1,5,Ted: A friend of yours named you?
1341,5,1,5,"Barney: No... a friend of mine named, shut up."
1342,5,1,5,"Robin: Yeah, well the owner goes to my gym. It turns out that he is a fan of my reporting for Metro News One. So now, I'm on the list for tonight."
1343,5,1,5,"Ted: Nice going, Scherbatsky. You're becoming a long and difficult-to-spell household name."
1344,5,1,5,Robin: He's even getting me into the VIP room.
1345,5,1,5,"Barney: Yeah, he just wants to show you his own VIP if you know what I mean..."
1346,5,1,5,"Robin: Okay, what does ""VIP"" stand for in your universe?"
1347,5,1,5,"Barney:... I know that the ""P"" is pen1s."
1348,5,1,5,"Robin: Alright, so you guys are in. Should I invite Marshall and Lily?"
1349,5,1,5,(Ted and Barney laugh)
1350,5,1,5,Narrator: Why was this funny? I'll explain. You see.
1351,5,1,5,(Shows picture of Lily's Classroom)
1352,5,1,5,"Narrator: Lily was a kindergarten teacher. And so, one fateful naptime..."
1353,5,1,5,[Flashback - Lily's Classroom]
1354,5,1,5,"(Kids Napping and Lily talking to friend, Claire)"
1355,5,1,5,Claire: Austin and I spent Saturday night at the most charming bed and breakfast. It was so nice. What did you do this weekend?
1356,5,1,5,(Cut to the Bar)
1357,5,1,5,"Crowd: CHUG, CHUG, CHUG (etc...)"
1358,5,1,5,(Lily chugs beer)
1359,5,1,5,Marshall: TEN SECONDS!!
1360,5,1,5,Lily: SUCK IT LOSERS! (Burps)
1361,5,1,5,"(Cut to Kids Napping and Lily talking to friend, Claire)"
1362,5,1,5,"Lily: You know, quiet time with the fiancé."
1363,5,1,5,(Cut to the Apartment. Lily talking to Marshall)
1364,5,1,5,"Lily: I don't know, I just felt embarrassed. Claire is my age, and she and her husband do all these classy grownup stuff. Maybe we should start doing some grownup stuff."
1365,5,1,5,Marshall: That was some pretty grownup stuff we did this morning.
1366,5,1,5,"Lily: (Laughs) Yeah, but it wasn't classy. Maybe we should have a wine tasting party."
1367,5,1,5,"Marshall: I like wine. I like tasting. You know I can party, let's do it. Let's rock it, maturity style!"
1368,5,1,5,[Flashback ends]
1369,5,1,5,"Ted: Ever since then she's been signing him up for book clubs, cooking classes..."
1370,5,1,5,Barney: All the things you do when you know where the next ten thousand lays are coming from.
1371,5,1,5,"Ted: So, no. Lily and Marshall will not be doing this."
1372,5,1,5,"Robin: Got it. Anyway, Ted, part two of my story: my friend Kelly's going to be there."
1373,5,1,5,"Ted: Kelly, who supposedly I'm gonna love?"
1374,5,1,5,"Robin: Oh, you are gonna love Kelly. She's fun, she's smart, she lives in the moment."
1375,5,1,5,"Barney: Translation, she's ugly, she's ugly, she ugs in the ugly."
1376,5,1,5,"Robin: Oh, and she's totally hot."
1377,5,1,5,"Ted: Okay, I guess I can take her off your hands for an evening."
1378,5,1,5,"Barney: So, do you have any other hot single fr..."
1379,5,1,5,"Robin: No, Kelly works with the news breakers..."
1380,5,1,5,[The Apartment - Ted/Lily/Marshall]
1381,5,1,5,"(Ted walks out of his room, well-dressed)"
1382,5,1,5,"Lily: Oh, no, Ted, your blazer!"
1383,5,1,5,"Ted: What, what, what...?"
1384,5,1,5,Lily: Somebody spilled gorgeous all over it. Love it!
1385,5,1,5,Ted: Thank you.
1386,5,1,5,Barney: (enters) And his hair was perfect.
1387,5,1,5,"Lily: Hey we're wearing the same shirt! Oh, wait no that's just my shirt reflected in yours."
1388,5,1,5,"Barney: One of the twenty-four similarities between girls and fish is that they're both attracted to shiny objects. You really never read my blog, do you?"
1389,5,1,5,"Ted: Alright, Tin-Man. Let's hit it."
1390,5,1,5,"Marshall: Alright, well, have fun at your little disco, guys."
1391,5,1,5,Barney: What the hell happened to these two?
1392,5,1,5,Lily: Marshall and I are just growing up.
1393,5,1,5,"Marshall: Yeah, it's going to be sweet, too. Like tonight we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool gourmet cheeses..."
1394,5,1,5,"Barney: Wow, who knew being committed in a heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay."
1395,5,1,5,"Ted: Alright, cool kids are leaving now. Grandma, grandpa... don't wait up."
1396,5,1,5,[Outside the Okay club - Ted/Barney]
1397,5,1,5,"Barney: My, oh, my there are some ferocious looking cutlets here tonight. Alright, hookup strategy, colon, find a cutlet; lock her in early, grind with her all night till she's mine."
1398,5,1,5,Ted: Do strategies ever work for you?
1399,5,1,5,"Barney: Question is: do these strategies ever not work for me? Either way the answer's ""about half the time""."
1400,5,1,5,Robin: (Shows up) My bitches! Check this out. (To Doorman) They're with me. (Doorman allows them in)
1401,5,1,5,Bradley: (Geek on the street) Uh... we're her bitches too. (Doorman gives them a look) We'll wait here...
1402,5,1,5,"[The Apartment, the Wine Tasting Party - Marshall/Lily/Their friends]"
1403,5,1,5,"Chris:...And with todays interest rate climbing, you gotta go for the thirty year fixed mortgage."
1404,5,1,5,"Austin: Oh, totally. (High-five) So, Marshall, what about you? You guys thinking house, baby?"
1405,5,1,5,Claire: Ah! (Laugh)
1406,5,1,5,"Marshall: Ah, no I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff, but they make you old. Kind of like this anchor weighing you down to one spot...forever."
1407,5,1,5,Claire: I'm three month's pregnant.
1408,5,1,5,Marshall: I don't know guys. It's not awkward unless we let it be awkward.
1409,5,1,5,"[""Okay"" Club - Robin/Ted/Barney]"
1410,5,1,5,(Coat check)
1411,5,1,5,Ted: This place seems great. Is Kelly here?
1412,5,1,5,"Robin: Yeah, she's around somewhere. Let's go find her, I'll introduce you guys. Then I should probably dock into the VIP room, so stupid and arbitrary isn't it, who get's to be in VIP and who doesn't?"
1413,5,1,5,Ted: Can we come?
1414,5,1,5,Robin: It's... not that arbitrary...
1415,5,1,5,(They walk closer to entrance)
1416,5,1,5,Ted: Whoa... this place in lourd!
1417,5,1,5,Barney: You think?
1418,5,1,5,(The enter dance floor)
1419,5,1,5,(Incredibly loud music. You can't hear anything the characters are saying... you see subtitles)
1420,5,1,5,"Barney: (Subtitle) Okay, it's a little loud."
1421,5,1,5,Robin: (Subtitle) There's Kelly. (Leads them through the crowd)
1422,5,1,5,"(Barney opens shirt a little. Robin finds Kelly, they hug. You see them being introduced)"
1423,5,1,5,Ted: (Subtitle) You want to go somewhere we can talk?
1424,5,1,5,Kelly: (Subtitle) Totally! (Walks him to the middle of the dance floor and starts dancing)
1425,5,1,5,Ted: (Subtitle)...Okay...
1426,5,1,5,(Barney dances behind a woman he doesn't know. Woman doesn't notice who he is but accepts. They grind.)
1427,5,1,5,[The Apartment - Lily/Marshall/Their friends]
1428,5,1,5,Marshall: You think it was kind of weird that Ted didn't invite me out with him?
1429,5,1,5,"Lily: Why, you'd rather be out at some dance club, all noisy and sweaty with the... (Imitates music beat). Is that what you want? (Imitates music beat.)"
1430,5,1,5,Marshall: Is this what you want? (Imitating Chris) Thirty year fixed mortgage. (Imitating Claire) I'm three months pregnant. (You see Claire behind him) That was awkward. (Claire turns around and leaves)
1431,5,1,5,Lily: (to guests) Let's start drinking!
1432,5,1,5,"Chris: Oh, not so fast. In order for the tannins to mellow, you should let it breathe for about thirty minutes."
1433,5,1,5,Marshall: Freaking ten ends.
1434,5,1,5,[Okay Club - Robin/Ted/Kelly/Barney]
1435,5,1,5,Robin: (To VIP room doorman. Subtitle) Robin Scherbastky? (Door man shakes head) Robin Scherbatsky! (Doorman refuses. Robin walks away)
1436,5,1,5,"Ted: (Subtitle) So, how do you know Robin?"
1437,5,1,5,Kelly: (Subtitle) Sagittarius.
1438,5,1,5,Ted: (Subtitle) Is that near Westchester?
1439,5,1,5,"Kelly: (Subtitle) I would love one. Just a beer! (Imitates shooter. Ted mouths ""Oh, okay"" and leaves)"
1440,5,1,5,"[The Apartment, Wine Party - Lily/Marshall/Their friends]"
1441,5,1,5,Marshall: You know what they're doing in there right now? They're watching Claire's ultrasound video and I swear to god even the baby looks bored.
1442,5,1,5,"Lily: Come on, it's not that bad. We're really starting to click with these guys. Claire and Austin just invited us to their fondue fest next Saturday night."
1443,5,1,5,Marshall: You're also trying to get me excited about fondue?
1444,5,1,5,"Lily: It's dipping stuff in hot cheese, what's not to love?"
1445,5,1,5,"Marshall: Okay, that does sound good. But it's dipping stuff in hot cheese with boring people."
1446,5,1,5,"Lily: Marshall, it's time for us to grow up."
1447,5,1,5,Narrator: Marshall knew she was right. He had to stop acting like a kid.
1448,5,1,5,[The Apartment (Bathroom) - Marshall]
1449,5,1,5,"Narrator: But not tonight. Now our apartment was on the third floor, so I'm not sure if this part is actually true, but Uncle Marshall swears it happened."
1450,5,1,5,(Cut to alleyway)
1451,5,1,5,"(You see Marshall landing a jump on the ground, then walking off camera)"
1452,5,1,5,Marshall: Taxi!
1453,5,1,5,[Okay Club - Ted]
1454,5,1,5,(Ted edges over to the bar and orders two beers)
1455,5,1,5,"Bartender: (Subtitle) ""34""."
1456,5,1,5,"Ted: (Subtitle) ""14""?"
1457,5,1,5,"Bartender: (Subtitle) ""34"""
1458,5,1,5,"Ted: (Subtitle) ""7""?"
1459,5,1,5,"(Bartender writes down ""34"", then shows Ted)"
1460,5,1,5,"Bartender: (Subtitle) ""34!"""
1461,5,1,5,[The Apartment - Lily/Her friends]
1462,5,1,5,"Chris: The new album is great; it's all smooth and polished, not all dark and heavy like the early stuff."
1463,5,1,5,"Claire: Oh, yeah. Norah Jones just gets better and better."
1464,5,1,5,Lily: Please tell me we can drink the wine now.
1465,5,1,5,"Chris: Five more minutes, we don't want to rush to tannins."
1466,5,1,5,Lily: Freaking tannins.
1467,5,1,5,[Okay Club - Ted/Kelly]
1468,5,1,5,"Ted: (Subtitle) You really like this place? (Kelly nods. Subtitle) You have no idea what I'm saying, do you? I'm from outer space! I got thrown out of Sea World for humping a dolphin! (Music stops. Ted yells) I'M WETTING MY PANTS. (Everyone stares at him. Music begins again)"
1469,5,1,5,"Narrator: I think that's when I realized, clubs weren't awesome. Clubs weren't even ""okay"". Clubs sucked. I had to get out of there."
1470,5,1,5,[Outside the Okay Club - Marshall/Robin]
1471,5,1,5,(Marshall runs in)
1472,5,1,5,"Marshall: Hey, Robin."
1473,5,1,5,Robin: Hey!
1474,5,1,5,Marshall: Why aren't you inside?
1475,5,1,5,"Robin: I'm calling the owner, there's a guy in there who won't let me in to the stupid VIP room. What are you doing here?"
1476,5,1,5,"Marshall: Oh, I had this move. So I came here to bust it. Can you get me in? (Motions to doorman that he's with her)"
1477,5,1,5,"Robin: Great, voicemail."
1478,5,1,5,"Marshall: Thanks, I'll see ya."
1479,5,1,5,Robin: Bye.
1480,5,1,5,"Phil: (another geek outside) Oh, come on! He just got here!"
1481,5,1,5,Man on Street: Probably famous.
1482,5,1,5,"Bradley: Oh yeah, isn't there a third Affleck Brother? Keith Affleck or Brian Affleck or something?"
1483,5,1,5,Phil: Holy Crap. We just saw Brian Affleck! (High-five)
1484,5,1,5,"Robin: (On Phone) And it's not that I care so much about getting into the VIP room, I have been in tons of VIP rooms, not exactly a VIP room virgin. (You see doormen changing shifts) Seriously, call me back. (Turns around to doorman #2) Oh, um... I was just in there. Robin Scherbatsky, I'm on the list."
1485,5,1,5,"Doorman#2: Name's already crossed off, sorry."
1486,5,1,5,"Robin: But, I'm Robin Scherbatsky. I'm a reporter for channel one."
1487,5,1,5,Doorman#2: There's a channel one? Back of the line!
1488,5,1,5,Phil: You shoulda snuck in with Brian Affleck.
1489,5,1,5,[The Dance floor in the Okay Club - Barney/Ted/Marshall]
1490,5,1,5,"(Barney grinding with random woman. Barney tries to see her face, can't. Ted walks by.)"
1491,5,1,5,"Ted: (Subtitle) I'm bailing, see ya."
1492,5,1,5,"Barney: (Subtitle) Oh hey, I can't see her face. Is she hot?"
1493,5,1,5,(Ted checks)
1494,5,1,5,Woman: (Subtitle) Hi.
1495,5,1,5,Ted: (Subtitle) Nice eyes. Cute smile. Out of your league.
1496,5,1,5,(They continue grinding. Ted leaves. Bumps into Marshall)
1497,5,1,5,"Marshall: Aah! Coat wench do not uncheck that man's jacket. Sorry, just being dramatic. You're not a wench."
1498,5,1,5,"Coat Check Girl: No, no, no. Coat wench, I like it. I should get a sign made of it."
1499,5,1,5,Ted: What are you doing here? Lily let you go?
1500,5,1,5,Marshall: Lily? Pfft. Who cares right?
1501,5,1,5,Ted: You are so dead.
1502,5,1,5,"Marshall: Oh, I'm so dead."
1503,5,1,5,Ted: Wow. Uh... I'm going home.
1504,5,1,5,"Marshall: Aah! I put my ass and probably other parts of my body on the line to party with my bro. Now damn it, we're gonna party."
1505,5,1,5,"Ted: Alright, one beer."
1506,5,1,5,"Marshall: Yes, finally I don't have to wait half an hour for a drink."
1507,5,1,5,[Title: One Half Hour Later...]
1508,5,1,5,(They come out of the bar with drinks)
1509,5,1,5,Marshall: (Subtitle) Yeah. No tannins.
1510,5,1,5,(Scene Freezes)
1511,5,1,5,"Narrator: Oh man, I can't believe I forgot to tell you this. This is important to the story. Earlier that day, Marshall went to the dentist and got a temporary crown put in. Okay, so anyway."
1512,5,1,5,"(Scene unfreezes. Marshall drinks beer. Jolts, falls to the ground)"
1513,5,1,5,Marshall: (Subtitle) AAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!! (Pulls out crown)
1514,5,1,5,"Ted: (Subtitle) Come on, let's go. (Marshall refuses)"
1515,5,1,5,"Marshall: (Subtitle) I'm staying. (Marshall dances ridiculously, in pain)"
1516,5,1,5,[The Apartment (Bathroom) - Lily]
1517,5,1,5,(Lily talking to the bathroom door)
1518,5,1,5,"Lily: Marshall, are you okay?"
1519,5,1,5,"(Walks in and discovers he ran away out the open window. She calls Marshall and hears loud music, hangs up shocked.)"
1520,5,1,5,"Narrator: Again, I wasn't there. So I'm a little foggy on the details. (Lily jumps on the ground of the alleyway)"
1521,5,1,5,Lily: Taxi!
1522,5,1,5,
1523,5,1,5,[Outside the Okay Club - Robin/Lily]
1524,5,1,5,Lily: Hey.
1525,5,1,5,Robin: Hey.
1526,5,1,5,Lily: Marshall just ditched out on our own party. Can you get me in there? I kind of need to kill him.
1527,5,1,5,"Robin: Actually, I can't even get myself in. I was such a dork. I get recognized one time and I start thinking I'm Julia Roberts. No VIP. I'm not even an IP. I'm just a lonely little P sitting out here in the gutter."
1528,5,1,5,Lily: Know something; I'd take a pee in the gutter over Julia Roberts any day. (They realize it sounds gross and laugh)
1529,5,1,5,[Okay Club - Ted/Marshall/Barney]
1530,5,1,5,(They play music that stops and plays every few seconds.)
1531,5,1,5,Ted: (Subtitle) There's Barney. I'm leaving. (Marshall wobbles over to Barney)
1532,5,1,5,(Music stops for five seconds)
1533,5,1,5,Marshall: Broke my tooth.
1534,5,1,5,"(Music plays for five seconds, stops for five seconds)"
1535,5,1,5,Marshall:...Do you have...
1536,5,1,5,"(Music plays for five seconds, stops for five seconds)"
1537,5,1,5,Marshall:...any aspirin?
1538,5,1,5,"(Music plays for five seconds, stops for five seconds)"
1539,5,1,5,Barney: Maybe theres...
1540,5,1,5,"(Music plays for five seconds, stops for five seconds)"
1541,5,1,5,Barney: a machine in...
1542,5,1,5,"(Music plays for five seconds, stops for five seconds)"
1543,5,1,5,Barney: The restroom.
1544,5,1,5,(Marshall goes to the restroom)
1545,5,1,5,"Narrator: Now to this day, I don't know what happened in there. But when Marshall came out a few minutes later, (Marshall comes out happy and relieved)"
1546,5,1,5,(Ted asks for coat)
1547,5,1,5,Coat Check Girl: Rough night?
1548,5,1,5,"Ted: Yeah, these clubs are supposed to be fun, right? Why do I hate them so much?"
1549,5,1,5,Coat Check Girl: Because all of the stuff you're supposed to like... usually sucks. Like these clubs or cruises.
1550,5,1,5,Ted: Or New Year's Eve.
1551,5,1,5,Coat Check Girl: Or the Super Bowl.
1552,5,1,5,Ted: Or parades.
1553,5,1,5,Coat Check Girl: The rockettes.
1554,5,1,5,Ted: Or parades.
1555,5,1,5,Coat Check Girl: (laughs) You said that already.
1556,5,1,5,Ted: I really hate parades. (Laughs)
1557,5,1,5,[Outside the Okay Club - Lily/Robin]
1558,5,1,5,"Lily: He just left, in the middle of our own party, you don't do that. Unless, of course, you're chasing after someone who's already done it, and then I think it's okay."
1559,5,1,5,"Robin: Well, I hate to take his side... but come one a wine tasting? What's the big plan for next Saturday, scrabble night?"
1560,5,1,5,Lily: Don't check your email.
1561,5,1,5,Robin: Why are you becoming this person? I heard that in college you flashed a campus tour group on a dare.
1562,5,1,5,"Lily: Once on a dare. The other times were just for fun. I'm not in college anymore. I'd love to go back and be that person again, but you can't move backwards you can only go forward."
1563,5,1,5,"Robin: Um, pause... you can go wherever you want. I guess the question is where do you want to go?"
1564,5,1,5,Lily: I want to go into this club and find my fiancé.
1565,5,1,5,Robin: Well that you can't do. (Silence)
1566,5,1,5,"Lily: Wanna bet? (They get up) Follow my lead. (To doorman) Hey, big guy. (Flashes doorman, geeks watching.) I said follow my lead."
1567,5,1,5,"Phil: ""Follow my lead""."
1568,5,1,5,"Bradley: Please, please, please."
1569,5,1,5,(Robin flashes. They enter)
1570,5,1,5,Bradley: Those were the four greatest and only breasts I have ever seen.
1571,5,1,5,[Inside Coat Check room in the Okay Club - Coat Check Girl/Ted]
1572,5,1,5,"Coat Check Girl: Yeah, see, everyone keeps telling you something is supposed to be fun, it's usually not."
1573,5,1,5,Ted: Right.
1574,5,1,5,Coat Check Girl: Right!
1575,5,1,5,"Ted: So, by that logic, if you and I were to, say, go out on a date."
1576,5,1,5,Coat Check Girl: Then we couldn't go anywhere that's supposed to be fun.
1577,5,1,5,Ted: Right. The DMV it is.
1578,5,1,5,Coat Check Girl: Then we'll get our teeth cleaned.
1579,5,1,5,"Ted: Sounds awful, it's a date."
1580,5,1,5,Coat Check Girl: (laughs) Okay.
1581,5,1,5,Ted: But there's still one big question that needs to be answered.
1582,5,1,5,(Music stops)
1583,5,1,5,Ted: How many of these coats do you think I could put on all at once?
1584,5,1,5,(Music starts)
1585,5,1,5,[The dance floor - Lily/Robin/Marshall]
1586,5,1,5,(Lily motions for them to split up and look for Marshall. He's in the middle of a dance circle busting his moves. Lily just watches amazed. Marshall notices his fiancé. Lily laughs.)
1587,5,1,5,[The Apartment - Marshall and Lily's friends]
1588,5,1,5,"Chris: Okay, this question is for the wedge. (Takes a question card)"
1589,5,1,5,[The dance floor - Barney/Leslie/Ted]
1590,5,1,5,(Barney grinding. They turn around and finally see each other)
1591,5,1,5,Woman: Barney?? (Pushes him away and storms off. Barney walks out to the coat check)
1592,5,1,5,Ted: (Comes out wearing many coats) Barney.
1593,5,1,5,"Barney: Ted, bring your coat, we're leaving."
1594,5,1,5,"Ted: What? What happened to that, uh, cutlet you were grinding with?"
1595,5,1,5,"Barney: That was my cousin, Leslie."
1596,5,1,5,Ted: (laughs) What?!
1597,5,1,5,"Barney: No, no, no... we are not laughing about this, Ted. This is not going to be some funny story that we'll be telling in a couple months. It's not gonna be like, ""Hey, remember that time when you were grinding with... NO! And you know why? Because, italics, this night did not happen. And you promise me that you will never, ever, ever tell another soul what transpired here tonight. You promise. Promise"
1598,5,1,5,"Ted: (Laughing) Alright, I promise. Let's get Marshall and go, okay. (Takes coats off. To Coat Check Girl) Hey. Thanks for saving my night. I'll talk to you soon? Umm, hey... tip her, Barney."
1599,5,1,5,"Barney: Why, I didn't check a coat. And even if I did, on principle tip jars have become so..."
1600,5,1,5,"Ted: Funny story, Barney was grinding with this girl all night..."
1601,5,1,5,Barney: FINE! Just... eh. (Leaves)
1602,5,1,5,Ted: That's a handy new trick. (They run up to the dance floor)
1603,5,1,5,"Narrator: So, Marshall and Lily rediscovered their youth. It was nice, and then it got icky. (Lily and Marshall kiss and she grabs his ass)"
1604,5,1,5,"Barney, Ted and Robin: (Subtitle) Eww."
1605,5,1,5,[The Cab ride home - All]
1606,5,1,5,(They're all deafening from the loud music. Silence)
1607,5,1,5,Ted: (Yelling) I'M REALLY GLAD YOU GUYS CAME OUT TONIGHT.
1608,5,1,5,"Marshall: (Yelling) YOU KNOW DUDE, CAN I JUST SAY SOMETHING? IT KIND OF HURT THAT YOU GUYS DIDN'T INVITE ME OUT (Lily's asleep on his shoulder) I MEAN I KNOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED SINCE I GOT ENGAGED BUT IT WOULD'VE BEEN NICE TO BE ASKED."
1609,5,1,5,"Ted: I'M SORRY, I JUST ASSUMMED YOU..."
1610,5,1,5,Barney: THEY PLAYED SOME GOOD SONGS TONIGHT.
1611,5,1,5,Ted: --HAD OTHER PLANS. I MEAN LATELY...
1612,5,1,5,"Marshall: I KNOW, I KNOW. IT JUST SEEMS LIKE SUDDENLY WE'RE LIVING IN TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS. MAYBE YOU'VE GOT MORE IN COMMON WITH BARNEY."
1613,5,1,5,Barney: WHAT?
1614,5,1,5,Ted: YOU CRAZY? YOU THINK I LIKE GOING TO THOSE CLUBS? I'D SO MUCH RATHER GO TO YOUR FRUITY LITTLE WINE TASTING.
1615,5,1,5,(Lily wakes up)
1616,5,1,5,"Lily: Oh, my god...I'm going to barf. Where's my purse, where's my purse? (Sleeps) I'm okay."
1617,5,1,5,Ted: PROBLEM IS... YOU CAN'T DO ANY OF THAT COUPLE STUFF UNLESS YOU HAVE SOMEONE TO DO IT WITH. AND THE ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO FIND THAT SOMEONE IS BY GOING OUT DOING STUPID SINGLE STUFF WITH BARNEY.
1618,5,1,5,Barney: WHAT?
1619,5,1,5,"Ted: BUT MAN, WHEN I FIND HER. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SOME BADASS WINE TASTINGS."
1620,5,1,5,Marshall: IT'S A PLAN! HEY MAYBE IT'LL BE THAT CUTE COAT CHECK GIRL!
1621,5,1,5,"Ted: YEAH, MAYBE IT WILL BE."
1622,5,1,5,(Scene Freezes)
1623,5,1,5,Narrator: It wasn't.
1624,5,1,5,(Scene unfreezes)
1625,5,1,5,"Marshall: YOU KNOW, TED, I DON'T SAY THIS NEARLY ENOUGH BUT REALLY..."
1626,5,1,5,Barney: THAT PLACE MAKES GREAT SALADS!
1627,5,1,5,(Music begins as Lily shifts her head over to Ted's shoulder.)
1628,6,1,6,[The Year 2030]
1629,6,1,6,LIVING ROOM
1630,6,1,6,(Daughter and Son sitting on couch)
1631,6,1,6,"Future Ted: You know how Aunt Robin's a big fan of Halloween, always dressing up in crazy costumes? Well, she wasn't always that way. Back in 2005, she thought she was too cool for Halloween, unlike Aunt Lily."
1632,6,1,6,BAR
1633,6,1,6,"(Present day, Marshall, Barney and Robin sit at booth; Lily enters bar and heads over to them)"
1634,6,1,6,Lily: Guess what came in the mail today?
1635,6,1,6,(Lily sits down next to Marshall)
1636,6,1,6,Marshall: Our costumes? Do they rule?
1637,6,1,6,Lily: They rule. And yours is 100% wool so you won't get hypothermia like last year.
1638,6,1,6,Marshall: Tarzan nipple blue.
1639,6,1,6,"Barney: You know what I love about Halloween? It's the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag. If a girl dresses up as she a witch, she's a slutty witch. If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat. If she's a nurse..."
1640,6,1,6,"Lily (interrupting): Wow, we get it."
1641,6,1,6,Barney: She's a slutty nurse.
1642,6,1,6,"Marshall: Robin, what are you doing for Halloween?"
1643,6,1,6,"Robin: Oh, I don't know. Probably hanging out with Mike, this guy I've been seeing."
1644,6,1,6,Lily: Mike? There's a Mike? You have a boyfriend? You haven't told us?
1645,6,1,6,"Robin: No, I mean, he's not my boyfriend. He's just this guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks."
1646,6,1,6,Lily (in a sing-song voice): Boyfriend.
1647,6,1,6,Marshall: So why haven't we met him?
1648,6,1,6,Robin: We're not really ready to go public yet.
1649,6,1,6,Barney (in a sing-song voice): Married.
1650,6,1,6,Lily: How about we go about a Halloween double-date?
1651,6,1,6,"Robin: I don't know, we were kinda thinking about staying at home and dressing up as naked people."
1652,6,1,6,"Lily: Come on, Robin, trot our your new fella. Let us judge and evaluate him behind your back. It'll be fun."
1653,6,1,6,(Marshall looks over to see Ted approaching)
1654,6,1,6,"Marshall: Hey, Ted, you'll never guess what happened?"
1655,6,1,6,Ted: Your costumes came.
1656,6,1,6,"Marshall: Our costumes...yes, that is why we're best friends."
1657,6,1,6,"Robin: Hey, Ted, what are you doing for Halloween?"
1658,6,1,6,Ted: Well.
1659,6,1,6,"Marshall, Lily, Barney: Awww."
1660,6,1,6,Robin: What?
1661,6,1,6,Lily: Every Halloween Ted waits for the Slutty Pumpkin.
1662,6,1,6,Ted: That's right.
1663,6,1,6,Robin: What's the Slutty Pumpkin?
1664,6,1,6,"Ted: You mean, who is the Slutty Pumpkin? It was four years ago."
1665,6,1,6,EXT. ROOFTOP
1666,6,1,6,(Ted at Halloween party 4 years ago)
1667,6,1,6,Ted: I was at this Halloween party up on the roof of our building. I'm about to call it an early night when out of nowhere appeared this girl in the sexiest pumpkin costume.
1668,6,1,6,BAR
1669,6,1,6,"Robin: Wait, how can a pumpkin costume be sexy?"
1670,6,1,6,Ted: It was carved in strategic places.
1671,6,1,6,"Ted: So, uh, we're at the bar and I see her mix kahlua..."
1672,6,1,6,Lily: Kahlua and root beer
1673,6,1,6,Marshall: A cocktail she invented herself.
1674,6,1,6,Ted: And she...
1675,6,1,6,Barney: And she called it the Tootsie Roll.
1676,6,1,6,"Lily, Marshall, Barney: Because it tastes like an alcoholic Tootsie Roll."
1677,6,1,6,"Ted: Hey, can I please tell this story? So we had this instant connection. She gave me her number, but then something..."
1678,6,1,6,"Marshall, Lily, Barney: Something went terribly wrong."
1679,6,1,6,Ted: Guys! Something went terribly wrong.
1680,6,1,6,APARTMENT
1681,6,1,6,"(Halloween four years ago, Lily, dressed up as Sonny, is passing out candy at front door)"
1682,6,1,6,Lily: Happy Halloween.
1683,6,1,6,(Ted walks in through front door)
1684,6,1,6,"Ted: Sonny, where's Cher?"
1685,6,1,6,Lily: Cher?
1686,6,1,6,(Marshall walks in from his bedroom dressed up as a woman)
1687,6,1,6,"Marshall: Right here, babe."
1688,6,1,6,Ted: I just met the perfect woman. She's funny. She's beautiful. She loves Star Wars.
1689,6,1,6,Marshall: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. What's her take on Ewoks?
1690,6,1,6,Ted: Loves them.
1691,6,1,6,Marshall: Oh good. I don't know why people are so cynical about Ewoks. The Rebellion would have failed without the Ewoks.
1692,6,1,6,"Ted: Get this, she's a marine biologist. She spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins."
1693,6,1,6,"Marshall: Oh, penguins are cool, kinda like black and white Ewoks. I approve."
1694,6,1,6,"Ted: Hey, where's my, uh, Kit Kat? I put it right here on this table."
1695,6,1,6,"Lily: I don't know, but we have plenty of chocolate here."
1696,6,1,6,"Ted: No no no, you don't understand. I need that Kit Kat. She wrote her number on that wrapper. Where is it?"
1697,6,1,6,Lily: Uh-oh.
1698,6,1,6,(Ted runs out front door and chases down kid dressed up as Dracula)
1699,6,1,6,"Ted: Hey, Dracula. Come on. Give me your candy. Gimme!"
1700,6,1,6,(Ted grabs kid's candy and dumps it on the floor)
1701,6,1,6,Ted: Where's the Kit Kat? Where's the Kit Kat!
1702,6,1,6,BAR
1703,6,1,6,"Ted: Never found her number, never saw her again. But every year they have a Halloween party up on the roof so that's where I'll be."
1704,6,1,6,"Barney: You know, Ted, it's been four years. She could be engaged or married or, God forbid, fat."
1705,6,1,6,"Ted: I don't know, I got a feeling. This could be the year. Halloween is a night of wonder and magic."
1706,6,1,6,"(Lily, Marshall, and Barney groan)"
1707,6,1,6,"Ted: OK, bring the mockery. Fine, I can take it. Come on, wouldn't it be the coolest story ever if the Slutty Pumpkin turned out to be my future wife?"
1708,6,1,6,"Lily: Oh, on the off chance that that could happen, maybe we should stop calling her the Slutty Pumpkin."
1709,6,1,6,"(Marshall, Barney, and Ted mumble in agreement)"
1710,6,1,6,APARTMENT
1711,6,1,6,(Ted sitting on couch alone with laptop)
1712,6,1,6,"Lily (from bedroom): Ted, is your world ready to be rocked? (echo) rocked-rocked-rocked."
1713,6,1,6,Ted: Can't wait.
1714,6,1,6,(Marshall and Lily walk out in their pirate and parrot costumes)
1715,6,1,6,"Marshall: So, what do you think?"
1716,6,1,6,"Lily: (repeats like a parrot) So, what do you think? (squawks)"
1717,6,1,6,"Ted: Wow! Marshall, you wearing eye liner?"
1718,6,1,6,"Marshall: Oh, yeah. Weirdly hot, right?"
1719,6,1,6,Lily: We are so gonna win the costume contest this year.
1720,6,1,6,"Marshall: First prize, $50 gift certificate at the bar."
1721,6,1,6,Ted: And how much did you pay for your costumes?
1722,6,1,6,Marshall: $100
1723,6,1,6,Lily: (like parrot) Each.
1724,6,1,6,"Ted: Well, I think you guys look great."
1725,6,1,6,(Ted gets up from couch and leaves laptop on couch)
1726,6,1,6,"Lily: What are you going as? Oh, like I even have to ask."
1727,6,1,6,"Ted: Hey, I want the Slutty Pumpkin to recognize me and she knows me as a hanging chad."
1728,6,1,6,(Ted puts on his costume as a ballot with a hanging chad)
1729,6,1,6,Ted: What? She thought it was hilarious.
1730,6,1,6,"Lily: Yeah, four years ago, but nobody remembers what the hell a hanging chad is."
1731,6,1,6,Marshall: What a sad commentary on our national attention span that we could forget such a turbulent time in our political history.
1732,6,1,6,Lily (like parrot): Sad commentary. (squawks)
1733,6,1,6,"Lily: All right, Polly gotta pee."
1734,6,1,6,Marshall: Again?
1735,6,1,6,(Lily and Marshall walk toward bathroom)
1736,6,1,6,Ted: Where are you going?
1737,6,1,6,Marshall: It's an elaborate costume.
1738,6,1,6,"(Ted goes over to couch to shut laptop, Ted hears music coming from direction of door, Ted opens door to find Barney dressed in flight suit with ""Danger Zone"" playing behind him, Barney walks in a few steps, takes off his sunglasses and shakes his head around)"
1739,6,1,6,"Barney: No, no, not again. Not this year. You're going as my wingman. Flight suit up!"
1740,6,1,6,(Barney throws a costume to Ted)
1741,6,1,6,Ted: No thanks. I'm sticking with the hanging chad.
1742,6,1,6,"Barney: Oh you're dangerous, Maverick. Your ego's writing check your body can't cash. OK. Here's the plan, and I crap you not. I'm getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween party. Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging."
1743,6,1,6,"Ted: We can get rejected by supermodels any night of the year. Tonight, I'm going up to the roof, I'm gonna have a few beers, I'm gonna wait for the Slutty Pumpkin. That's just what I do."
1744,6,1,6,"Barney: Hm, (putting up left hand) Victoria's Secret models prancing around in bras and panties, or (putting up right hand) Yale preppies reuniting their stupid a capella group. What's that left hand? Right hand sucks? Word."
1745,6,1,6,Ted: I'm heading up to the roof.
1746,6,1,6,"Barney: Well, boys, looks like it's just the three of us. What's that? Self-five? Nice. (high fives himself) We out."
1747,6,1,6,(Robin comes in front door)
1748,6,1,6,"Robin: Hey, Chad, how's it hanging?"
1749,6,1,6,"Ted: Hey, word play. Funny."
1750,6,1,6,(Ted and Barney walk out front door)
1751,6,1,6,Robin: (to Barney as he walks by her out the door) Whoo.
1752,6,1,6,Robin: (to Lily) Nice outfit.
1753,6,1,6,Lily: I'm a parrot.
1754,6,1,6,Robin: You sure are.
1755,6,1,6,(Robin closes door)
1756,6,1,6,Lily: Where's Mike?
1757,6,1,6,Robin: He's meeting me here. I ran late covering the Halloween parade in the Village. There are like a zillion gay pirates this year.
1758,6,1,6,(Marshall walks into living room from bathroom)
1759,6,1,6,"Marshall: Seriously, does my eye liner look OK?"
1760,6,1,6,"Lily: Yes, it's weirdly hot."
1761,6,1,6,"Lily (to Robin): So, where's your costume?"
1762,6,1,6,(Knock at door)
1763,6,1,6,"Robin: Uh, you know, Mike and I joked about doing something together but we decided not to dress up."
1764,6,1,6,(Robin opens door and Mike is standing there dressed as Hansel)
1765,6,1,6,"Robin: Oh, geez."
1766,6,1,6,Mike: Hi.
1767,6,1,6,"Robin: Ah, everyone, this is Michael. Th-that is not his real hair."
1768,6,1,6,"Mike: Where's your costume, Gretel?"
1769,6,1,6,"Robin: You thought I was...Oh, I was just kidding. I gotta stop making jokes in e-mails. It's so hard to convey tone."
1770,6,1,6,Marshall (aside to Lily): I think we got them beat.
1771,6,1,6,(Marshall gives Lily five)
1772,6,1,6,EXT. ROOFTOP
1773,6,1,6,(Barney and Ted walk through Halloween party)
1774,6,1,6,Barney: I can't believe you talked me into this.
1775,6,1,6,Ted: I didn't. You followed me up here.
1776,6,1,6,Barney: This party sucks. There are seven chicks here.
1777,6,1,6,(guy in dress takes off blonde wig)
1778,6,1,6,Barney: There are six chicks here.
1779,6,1,6,"Ted: Relax, the night is young. It's gonna get better."
1780,6,1,6,"King Costume Guy: Ladies and gentlemen, as on-pitch as they were at Spring Fling '95, it's my pleasure to welcome back the Shagarats."
1781,6,1,6,(People applaud)
1782,6,1,6,Shagarats: (singing) My bonnie lies over the ocean. My bonnie lies over the sea. My bonnie lives over the ocean. Oh bring back my bonnie to me...
1783,6,1,6,(Barney walks over to bar and drinks from large bottle)
1784,6,1,6,BAR
1785,6,1,6,"(Lily, Marshall, Robin and Mike at booth)"
1786,6,1,6,Barney (talking like pirate): What be a pirate's favorite kind of sweater?
1787,6,1,6,Lily: Arr-gyle.
1788,6,1,6,Barney (talking like a pirate): And what be a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant?
1789,6,1,6,Lily: Arrr-by's
1790,6,1,6,"Barney (talking like a pirate): Would think it would be Arby's, (talking normal) but actually it's Long John Silver's."
1791,6,1,6,Robin: Actually I kinda need this hand to eat.
1792,6,1,6,Mike: Oh.
1793,6,1,6,(waiter brings food over)
1794,6,1,6,"Lily, Robin: Oh yeah. Oh, thank you"
1795,6,1,6,Marshall (like pirate): Starrr-ving
1796,6,1,6,"Lily: It's so nice to meet you, Mike. You guys are really cute together."
1797,6,1,6,"Mike: Yeah, we've been spending a lot of time together. We're even getting to that point where we finish each other's (stops talking, waiting for Robin to finish sentence)"
1798,6,1,6,Robin: This cheeseburger is so...
1799,6,1,6,Mike: Good. See.
1800,6,1,6,"Lily: I think you won the dish-off tonight, baby. This steak totally bitch-slapped my pork chop."
1801,6,1,6,Marshall: That might be true but your rice pilaf kicked my spinach in the crotch so hard it threw up a little bit.
1802,6,1,6,(Lily feeds Marshall some food)
1803,6,1,6,"Mike: (holding a fork of food out) Robin, you have to try this chicken."
1804,6,1,6,"Robin: Oh, well, that's good. I'm OK, thanks."
1805,6,1,6,Mike: Really tasty.
1806,6,1,6,Robin: I'm just really feeling this cheeseburger.
1807,6,1,6,"Mike: Come on, just try a little bite."
1808,6,1,6,"Robin: Dude, I'm kind of in the zone here."
1809,6,1,6,Lily: Oh for God's sake. (Lily grabs Mike's hand and eats food from his fork)
1810,6,1,6,Lily: Really tasty.
1811,6,1,6,
1812,6,1,6,EXT. ROOFTOP
1813,6,1,6,"(Shagarats finish singing, Barney approaches girl in hula outfit at bar area)"
1814,6,1,6,Barney: Hey.
1815,6,1,6,Hula Girl: Hey.
1816,6,1,6,"Barney: So, what does a fella have to do to get lei'd around here? Yeah."
1817,6,1,6,"Hula Girl: Right, cuz I'm wearing a lei."
1818,6,1,6,(Hula Girl walks away)
1819,6,1,6,Barney: It isn't funny if you explain the joke.
1820,6,1,6,(Ted walks over to Barney)
1821,6,1,6,Barney: Let's bail.
1822,6,1,6,"Ted: Oh, Barney, come on, I'm having fun. It's really great seeing these guys again."
1823,6,1,6,Barney: Name one person you know at this party.
1824,6,1,6,"Ted: Well, there's ninja, back of horse. Where's front of horse? That guys a riot. Where is he?"
1825,6,1,6,"Barney: OK, I'm leaving, but just know that this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht. And what will be sticking to that yacht? The Barnacle. (points to self)"
1826,6,1,6,Ted: Really? That's the nickname now?
1827,6,1,6,"Barney: Yeah, the Barnacle."
1828,6,1,6,Ted: The Barnacle.
1829,6,1,6,Barney: That's it. Barnacle out. (Barney walks away)
1830,6,1,6,"Ted: Have fun, Barnacle."
1831,6,1,6,LADIES ROOM
1832,6,1,6,(Robin and Lily walk in towards sink area)
1833,6,1,6,"Robin: So, do you like Mike?"
1834,6,1,6,Lily: Do you like Mike?
1835,6,1,6,Robin: Of course I do. Why?
1836,6,1,6,Lily: It just doesn't seem like it. You won't share your food. You won't wear a costume.
1837,6,1,6,"Robin: Ah, Lily, you know me, I'm just not into all that couple-y stuff."
1838,6,1,6,"Lily: OK, I know that stuff looks dumb from the outside, but it's kinda the greatest thing in the world when you're a part of it. If you just give it a chance, you might like it."
1839,6,1,6,Robin: Are you trying to get me to join a cult?
1840,6,1,6,"Lily: Robin, Mike likes you. If you don't start meeting him halfway, you're gonna lose him."
1841,6,1,6,Robin: What?
1842,6,1,6,"Lily: Look, it's Halloween. Just put on the girlfriend costume for the night."
1843,6,1,6,"Robin: OK, what am I supposed to do? Buy him a giant teddy bear or something?"
1844,6,1,6,Lily: How about you start by sharing dessert.
1845,6,1,6,"Robin: I can share dessert. He better want the brownie sundae, but yeah, yeah, I can totally share."
1846,6,1,6,(Robin and Lily walk out of the ladies room)
1847,6,1,6,EXT. ROOFTOP
1848,6,1,6,(Ted notices Barney at party wearing devil costume)
1849,6,1,6,"Ted: Barney. What, you're back?"
1850,6,1,6,Barney: That's right.
1851,6,1,6,Ted: In a totally new costume.
1852,6,1,6,"Barney: Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression."
1853,6,1,6,Barney: What's with the face?
1854,6,1,6,"Ted: It's half you're pathetic, half I have to pee."
1855,6,1,6,Barney: So go to the bathroom.
1856,6,1,6,"Ted: No, there's a huge line. I don't want to miss the Slutty Pumpkin."
1857,6,1,6,"Barney: So pee off the roof. Ooh, Ted, pee off the roof."
1858,6,1,6,"(Barney gets behind Ted's right shoulder, guy in angel costume comes up to Ted's left shoulder)"
1859,6,1,6,"Angel Guy: Whoa, I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's people walking down there."
1860,6,1,6,"Barney: Come on, Ted, who are you going to listen to? Me or Mr. Goody-goody over there."
1861,6,1,6,"Angel Guy: Yeah, whatever. You guys got some weed?"
1862,6,1,6,BAR
1863,6,1,6,(Robin is trying to take Marshall and Lily's picture so that it looks like Lily as a parrot is sitting on Marshall's shoulder)
1864,6,1,6,"Robin: A little to the left, Marshall. Lily, squat down."
1865,6,1,6,Marshall: This is gonna be a slaughter. None of these other costumes even come close to ours.
1866,6,1,6,Lily: Take the damn picture. (squawks)
1867,6,1,6,Robin: Got it.
1868,6,1,6,Marshall: I still think we should have won as Sonny and Cher. Maybe if I had worn that red dress. Ha! If I could turn back time.
1869,6,1,6,"(Marshall, Mike, Lily and Robin sit back down at booth)"
1870,6,1,6,"Robin: Wow, this sundae looks so good I could eat the whole thing."
1871,6,1,6,(Lily taps Robin on arm)
1872,6,1,6,"Robin: But, um, I would much rather share this small, one-scoop sundae with you, Mike."
1873,6,1,6,"Marshall: Apple tart, excellent choice, Lilypad."
1874,6,1,6,"Lily: Thanks, Marshmallow."
1875,6,1,6,"Robin: Well, let's dig in, Mi... Mi... Microwave Oven."
1876,6,1,6,EXT. ROOFTOP
1877,6,1,6,(Barney approaches Hula Girl)
1878,6,1,6,Barney: Let me guess. Every guy has used the lei'd line on you tonight.
1879,6,1,6,Hula Girl: You wouldn't believe.
1880,6,1,6,Barney: I apologize for my gender. Let me make it up to you. Make you a drink.
1881,6,1,6,Hula Girl: You certainly are a charming devil.
1882,6,1,6,Barney: I'm also a horny devil. (pointing to horns on top of head) Yeah.
1883,6,1,6,Hula Girl: No.
1884,6,1,6,"(Hula Girl walks away, Barney turn around to see Angel guy smirking at him)"
1885,6,1,6,"Barney (to Angel Guy): Oh, go to hell."
1886,6,1,6,BAR
1887,6,1,6,"(Robin and Mike, Lily and Marshall share desserts)"
1888,6,1,6,"Mike: You know, if you guys like tiramisu we found this little Italian place..."
1889,6,1,6,"Robin: No, you found it. I came with you. Go on."
1890,6,1,6,Mike: I'm just saying we love tiramisu.
1891,6,1,6,Robin: I cannot get enough of it.
1892,6,1,6,Mike: We're crazy for this stuff.
1893,6,1,6,Robin: I'm crazy and you're crazy for tiramisu.
1894,6,1,6,Mike: We love tiramisu. Am I wrong in saying that.?
1895,6,1,6,"Robin: No, no, no, I mean it just sounds a little bit weird, doesn't it? We love tiramisu. Is it really a group activity, loving tiramisu? Right?"
1896,6,1,6,Marshall: So this Italian place? How's their cannoli?
1897,6,1,6,"Robin: See there, hungry."
1898,6,1,6,(Robin grabs dessert from Mike)
1899,6,1,6,"Mike: Yeah, looks like we're both hungry."
1900,6,1,6,(Mike reaches over for dessert)
1901,6,1,6,"Robin: Hey, is that Gary Oldman? (pointing behind Mike and Marshall)"
1902,6,1,6,"Mike: Wait, where?"
1903,6,1,6,"(Mike and Marshall turn around to look, Robin tries to scarf down the sundae)"
1904,6,1,6,Mike: I don't see...
1905,6,1,6,"(Mike turns back around to see Robin trying to eat the sundae as fast as she can, Robin looks up to see everyone looking at her)"
1906,6,1,6,Robin: Brain freeze.
1907,6,1,6,EXT. ROOFTOP
1908,6,1,6,(Barney and Ted talking)
1909,6,1,6,Barney: OK Victoria's Secret party right now.
1910,6,1,6,Ted: Nope.
1911,6,1,6,"Barney: Come on, I can't stand to watching my delusional friend waste another precious Halloween. The Slutty Pumpkin is not coming."
1912,6,1,6,Ted: She might.
1913,6,1,6,Barney: Oy.
1914,6,1,6,"Ted: Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds, this is about believing. This girl, she represents something to me, I don't know, hope."
1915,6,1,6,Barney: Wow. I did not understand a word you just said. Lingerie models on a boat!
1916,6,1,6,Ted: (shrugs) See ya.
1917,6,1,6,"Barney: No, see ya. (evil laughs, sparks something in his hands) Ow."
1918,6,1,6,BAR
1919,6,1,6,Robin: Wanna drink the melty part?
1920,6,1,6,"Mike: You know what, it's getting late. I think I'm gonna take off."
1921,6,1,6,"(Mike gets up to leave, Robin follows)"
1922,6,1,6,"Robin: Hey, I thought we were gonna follow those bread crumbs back to my place, Hansel"
1923,6,1,6,"Mike: Robin, I don't get the sense you like being with me."
1924,6,1,6,Robin: I like being with you.
1925,6,1,6,"Mike: Not as much as you like being alone. You like eating your own food, sleeping in your own bed, doing your own crosswords."
1926,6,1,6,"Robin: Well, who uses ink? Sorry. OK, I'm a bit set in my ways. That doesn't mean that this won't work."
1927,6,1,6,"Mike: Actually, it kinda does."
1928,6,1,6,"Robin: Wait, are we breaking up?"
1929,6,1,6,Mike: We aren't breaking up. I'm breaking up with you.
1930,6,1,6,(Mike walks away)
1931,6,1,6,EXT. ROOFTOP
1932,6,1,6,(Ted standing alone)
1933,6,1,6,Future Ted VO: And then just when I was about to lose hope.
1934,6,1,6,(Ted notices someone in a penguin costume)
1935,6,1,6,(flashback to 4 years ago when Ted was telling Marshall and Lily about meeting the Slutty Pumpkin)
1936,6,1,6,Ted: She spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins.
1937,6,1,6,(Penguin pours kahlua and root beer into cup)
1938,6,1,6,"Future Ted VO: Kahlua, root beer, could this penguin be the Slutty Pumpkin?"
1939,6,1,6,(Ted walks over to Penguin)
1940,6,1,6,"Ted: Uh, excuse me, this is gonna sound crazy, but I met someone up on this roof four years ago and they mixed that cocktail and they loved penguins. By any chance, was that you? It's you. I was crazy but I can't..."
1941,6,1,6,(Penguin removes head to reveal Barney)
1942,6,1,6,"Barney: You are such a loser. Come on, I came back for you, Ted. I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways. And to score hula girl's number. Check and check."
1943,6,1,6,Ted: Unbelievable.
1944,6,1,6,"Barney: Yes, it is."
1945,6,1,6,(Hula Girl walks over and notices Barney in penguin costume)
1946,6,1,6,Hula Girl: Wait a minute. You're that lame army guy.
1947,6,1,6,"Barney: What? No no, that's some other guy and he was a kick-ass fighter pilot"
1948,6,1,6,Hula Girl: I cannot believe I gave you my number
1949,6,1,6,"Barney: Yeah, well, you did, thanks."
1950,6,1,6,"Hula girl: Well, give it back."
1951,6,1,6,"Barney: Uh, I don't think so. I earned it fair and square. I'm calling you."
1952,6,1,6,Hula Girl: But I'm never gonna go out with you.
1953,6,1,6,Barney: But how will you know it's me? I'm a master of disguise. Yeah.
1954,6,1,6,(Hula Girl sighs and walks away)
1955,6,1,6,Ted: Nice.
1956,6,1,6,"Barney: Come on, Ted, Victoria's Secret party now. Let's go."
1957,6,1,6,Ted: I'm staying.
1958,6,1,6,Barney: Fine. Fine. (puts his flipper up towards Ted)
1959,6,1,6,Ted: What are you doing?
1960,6,1,6,Barney: I'm flippering you off.
1961,6,1,6,BAR
1962,6,1,6,"(Lily, Marshall and Robin sitting at booth)"
1963,6,1,6,"Lily: Sweetie, I'm so sorry."
1964,6,1,6,"Robin: Seriously it's not a big deal. He wanted to be a 'we,' and I wanted to be an 'I'. Dudes are such chicks. You guys, I'm fine."
1965,6,1,6,"Carl: Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in. And the winners of this year's costume contest are Lily Aldrin as a parrot and Marshall Eriksen as a gay pirate."
1966,6,1,6,Marshall: Oh yeah!
1967,6,1,6,(Marshall and Lily get up from booth)
1968,6,1,6,Marshall: Wait. What did he say?
1969,6,1,6,"Lily: Oh, who cares, Marshall? We won!"
1970,6,1,6,"Marshall: Gay pirate, where are you getting that from?"
1971,6,1,6,"Carl: Dude, you're wearing eye liner."
1972,6,1,6,"Marshall: OK, I just want everybody here to know that I'm not a gay pirate. I have s*x with my parrot all the time. That came out wrong. Oh yeah, it doesn't matter! We won!"
1973,6,1,6,"Lily: I love you, Marshmallow."
1974,6,1,6,"Marshall: I love you too, Lilypad."
1975,6,1,6,(Lily and Marshall kiss)
1976,6,1,6,"Robin: You guys, let me get a picture."
1977,6,1,6,(Robin takes picture)
1978,6,1,6,EXT. ROOFTOP
1979,6,1,6,"(Ted sitting as people leave Halloween party, Robin walks in)"
1980,6,1,6,Robin: I had a feeling I'd find you here.
1981,6,1,6,"Ted: Hey. If you're here for the Shagarats, you just missed the fourth encore."
1982,6,1,6,Robin: I never played any team sports
1983,6,1,6,Ted: Are we playing 'I never' cuz there's nothing left but peach schnapps.
1984,6,1,6,Robin: I played tennis in high school. You know why? Because it was just me out there. I couldn't even stand playing doubles. I just got dumped.
1985,6,1,6,"Ted: Man, that sucks."
1986,6,1,6,"Robin: Yeah, it's OK. I wasn't that into him. Story of my life. Everyone else is all falling in love and acting stupid and goofy and sweet and insane, but not me. Why don't I want that more? I want to want that. Am I wired wrong or something?"
1987,6,1,6,"Ted: No. Look, you didn't want to be with me so clearly you have abysmal taste in men."
1988,6,1,6,(Robin laughs)
1989,6,1,6,Ted: But you're wired just fine.
1990,6,1,6,"Robin: Well, what if I'm just a cold person? Tonight, Mike was willing to look like a complete idiot for me, but I couldn't be Gretel. Why can't I be Gretel?"
1991,6,1,6,Ted: Because you just haven't met the right Hansel yet. One day you're gonna meet a guy who's gonna make you want to look like a complete idiot.
1992,6,1,6,Robin: Really?
1993,6,1,6,"Ted: Yeah, he's out there somewhere, just like the Slutty Pumpkin. (echoes) pumpkin-pumpkin..."
1994,6,1,6,"Robin: How do you do this, Ted? How do you sit out here all night on the roof in the cold and still have faith your pumpkin's gonna show up."
1995,6,1,6,"Ted: Well, I'm pretty drunk. Look, I know that odds are the love of my life isn't going to magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at 2:43 in the morning but it seems as nice a spot as any to just, you know, sit and wait."
1996,6,1,6,(Robin sits down by Ted and shares blanket)
1997,6,1,6,Robin: Scoot.
1998,7,1,7,YEAR 2030
1999,7,1,7,LIVING ROOM
2000,7,1,7,(Daughter and Son sitting on couch)
2001,7,1,7,"Future Ted: Kids, before I met your mother, when I was still out there searching, I learned something valuable, that love is not a science."
2002,7,1,7,"Daughter: Wow, that was a great story, Dad."
2003,7,1,7,Son: We're gonna go watch TV.
2004,7,1,7,(Daughter and Son get up and leave)
2005,7,1,7,"Future Ted: You see, sometimes in life, you just have to accept that certain things can't be explained. And that's kinda scary."
2006,7,1,7,(Daughter and Son return to sit on couch)
2007,7,1,7,BAR
2008,7,1,7,"(year 2005; Ted, Barney and Robin sitting around table; Lily and Marshall run in)"
2009,7,1,7,Marshall: Oh my God.
2010,7,1,7,"Lily: I know, I'm still shaking."
2011,7,1,7,(Lily grabs Barney's drink and drinks from it)
2012,7,1,7,"Barney: What the? Haha, joke's on you, I have a cold."
2013,7,1,7,Robin: Are you guys OK? Marshall (yelling over to bartender): Another round and back it up for me and Lily.
2014,7,1,7,Ted: What happened?
2015,7,1,7,"Marshall: We saw something, up in the apartment."
2016,7,1,7,Lily: Something bad.
2017,7,1,7,(flashback to Lily and Marshall entering apartment while kissing)
2018,7,1,7,"Marshall: I don't know what it is, but margaritas make me sexy."
2019,7,1,7,"Lily: Oh, mucho sexy. You quiero Marshall."
2020,7,1,7,"(Marshall and Lily hug and kiss, Lily looks over and sees something and looks scared)"
2021,7,1,7,Lily: Oh my God.
2022,7,1,7,(Lily and Marshall scream and run out of the apartment)
2023,7,1,7,(cut back to present scene in bar)
2024,7,1,7,Ted: What was it?
2025,7,1,7,"Marshall: Only the craziest, meanest looking mouse you've ever seen."
2026,7,1,7,"Lily: Mouse? Sweetie, that wasn't a mouse. That was a huge cockroach."
2027,7,1,7,"Marshall: Baby, it was a mouse. It had a whiskers."
2028,7,1,7,"Lily: But those things coming out of his head, those were antennae"
2029,7,1,7,Barney: Marshall ran away from a cockroach.
2030,7,1,7,"Marshall: It, it was a mouse."
2031,7,1,7,"Barney: Oh, yeah, sorry, my bad. You're a man."
2032,7,1,7,"Robin: Ooh, my story's on. Ted, pay attention. Carl, turn it up."
2033,7,1,7,(newscast on TV)
2034,7,1,7,"Robin: I'm here with Ellen Pierce, New York's premiere matchmaker. Ellen, your company, Love Solutions boasts a 100% success rate. What's your secret?"
2035,7,1,7,"Ellen: Science. Everything in life can be broken down to ones and zeros, even love."
2036,7,1,7,"All I have to do is input the variables, run the algorithm, and presto manifesto, you have a soulmate, and it works. Just ask all of my happy couples. And these are just the attractive ones, I have more photos in the bathroom."
2037,7,1,7,"Robin: Love Solution's Ellen Pierce, a beacon of hope for New York city's lovelorn. Robin Scherbatsky..."
2038,7,1,7,BAR
2039,7,1,7,Barney: Was that chick at the end really a client?
2040,7,1,7,Robin: Yes.
2041,7,1,7,Barney: We're signing up.
2042,7,1,7,Ted: What?
2043,7,1,7,"Barney: Ted, these chicks are desperate and hot. That's a perfect cocktail. Shake well, then sleep with."
2044,7,1,7,Ted: I'm not going to a matchmaker. That's like giving up. It's the man version of getting a cat.
2045,7,1,7,"Marshall: No, it wasn't a cockroach. It had fur and only mammals have fur."
2046,7,1,7,Lily: It was a cockroach.
2047,7,1,7,"Marshall: Come on, Lily, the only way that that was a cockroach was if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just killed."
2048,7,1,7,Lily: Oh my God.
2049,7,1,7,(Lily grabs Barney's drink as he's about to take a drink from it and drinks it herself)
2050,7,1,7,Barney: Come on.
2051,7,1,7,APARTMENT
2052,7,1,7,"(Ted sitting on couch reading magazine, Ted hears squeaking and tiny footstep noises, Barney barges into the apartment_"
2053,7,1,7,"Barney: Ted, hurry, you gotta help me. My boat is sinking."
2054,7,1,7,Ted: What?
2055,7,1,7,Barney: My boat is sinking.
2056,7,1,7,Ted: You have a boat?
2057,7,1,7,"Yes, I bought a boat last year at a police auction. I just got a call from a guy down at the marina that it's leaning starboard at a 45 degree angle. If I don't get there right now, it's gonna capsize. Now, come on!"
2058,7,1,7,(Ted and Barney run out of the apartment)
2059,7,1,7,OFFICE
2060,7,1,7,(Ted and Barney are filling out applications for Love Solutions)
2061,7,1,7,Ted: Your boat is sinking. That was good.
2062,7,1,7,"Barney: Come on, Ted, this is an incredible opportunity. We'll meet our soulmates, nail 'em and never call them again. (chuckles)"
2063,7,1,7,(Ellen enters the office)
2064,7,1,7,"Ellen: All finished, gentlemen? Congratulations, you have just taken your very first step."
2065,7,1,7,"Barney: Gosh, thanks, Ellen. I sure hope this works. I'm so done with the single life, all the games, the meaningless s*x."
2066,7,1,7,Ellen: You deserve more.
2067,7,1,7,"Barney: That is so true, Ellen. I really think I'm ready to stop being a me and start being a we."
2068,7,1,7,"Hey, is there anyway I can let it be known that I love cuddling?"
2069,7,1,7,"(Ellen, Ted and Barney sit around desk)"
2070,7,1,7,"Ellen: Oh, of course you can. That is so..."
2071,7,1,7,"Barney: It's kinda hard to talk about with Ted here, but I just want someone who's not afraid to hold me at night when the tears come. Ellen, can you help me find her?"
2072,7,1,7,Ellen: Get out.
2073,7,1,7,Barney: What?
2074,7,1,7,"Ellen: I get 15 guys like you every week. Jerks who just want to meet vulnerable women, nail 'em and never call them again."
2075,7,1,7,"Barney: Oh my God, people do that."
2076,7,1,7,Ellen: You wanna do this the easy way or the hard way?
2077,7,1,7,Barney: What's the hard way? Security roughs me up and tosses me out?
2078,7,1,7,Ellen: That's the easy way. The hard way is that I stomp the crap out of you myself.
2079,7,1,7,"(Barney looks like he doesn't believe her, Ellen stands up quickly, Barney stands up to run away)"
2080,7,1,7,"Barney: OK, Ted, let's go."
2081,7,1,7,(Ted gets up to leave)
2082,7,1,7,"Ellen: Not you, you stay."
2083,7,1,7,(Ted and Ellen sit back down)
2084,7,1,7,"Ellen: You're cute. You're an architect. Good career and you didn't use an obvious alias on your application like your friend, Jack Package."
2085,7,1,7,Barney (through office door): It's pronounced 'Pa-kojj.'
2086,7,1,7,Ellen: Get outta here!
2087,7,1,7,(Barney runs away)
2088,7,1,7,Ellen: You I can work with. You give me three days and I will find the woman you will marry.
2089,7,1,7,"Ted: Ah, no thanks. I don't need an algorithm to meet women. It's New York City. You know, plenty of fish in the sea."
2090,7,1,7,"Ellen: Plenty of fish in the sea. Yes, there's 9 million people in New York, 4.5 million women. Of course you wanna meet someone roughly your own age, let's say, plus minus 5 years. So if we take into account the most recent census data, that leaves us with 482,000. But, uh, wait"
2091,7,1,7,"48% of those are already in relationships and then you have to eliminate half for intelligence, sense of humor and compatibility and then you have to take out the ex-girlfriends and the relatives and oh, we can't forget those lesbians and then that leaves us with 8 women."
2092,7,1,7,"Ted: That can't be right. Eight? Really, eight?"
2093,7,1,7,"Ellen: There are 8 fish in that big, blue ocean, Ted. And if you feel confident that you can reel one into your boat without me, there's the door."
2094,7,1,7,Ted: Do you take credit cards?
2095,7,1,7,BAR
2096,7,1,7,(Barney and Robin sitting at booth; Marshall and Lily walk in)
2097,7,1,7,"Lily: OK, it's back and this time we got a good look."
2098,7,1,7,(Lily sits by Barney and takes his drink away from him and drinks it)
2099,7,1,7,"Barney: Hey, seriously, you have to stop doing that."
2100,7,1,7,Marshall: It's bigger now. It's been feeding.
2101,7,1,7,Lily: We were just upstairs watching TV.
2102,7,1,7,(flashback to Lily and Marshall sitting in apartment on couch in front of TV)
2103,7,1,7,Marshall: Ah gosh.
2104,7,1,7,(Marshall and Lily see something on ground)
2105,7,1,7,"Lily: OK, let's do this."
2106,7,1,7,"(Lily grabs aerosol spray can, Marshall grabs large phone book, Lily sprays and Marshall throws phone book on it, Lily screams and Marshall holds her)"
2107,7,1,7,"Marshall: Shh, shh, it's OK, it's over."
2108,7,1,7,"(phone book starts moving towards kitchen, Marshall and Lily run out of apartment)"
2109,7,1,7,(back to scene at bar)
2110,7,1,7,Barney: So did you get a good look at it?
2111,7,1,7,"Lily: Yeah. It has six legs, a hard exoskeleton like a roach..."
2112,7,1,7,"Marshall: But it has mouse-like characteristics. Grey-brown tufts of fur, a tail."
2113,7,1,7,"Robin: So which is it, a cockroach or a mouse?"
2114,7,1,7,Lily: It's a cockamouse.
2115,7,1,7,Robin: What?
2116,7,1,7,Lily: It's some sort of mutant combination of the two. It's as if a cockroach and a mouse...you know...
2117,7,1,7,Barney: Hit the horizontal ten-legged interspecies cha-cha?
2118,7,1,7,Robin: That's impossible. That simply can't happen.
2119,7,1,7,"Lily: Oh, but it can."
2120,7,1,7,Marshall: And it has
2121,7,1,7,Lily: And it's pissed.
2122,7,1,7,(Lily and Marshall down shots)
2123,7,1,7,(Ted walks into the bar)
2124,7,1,7,"Ted: Dude, is everything OK? You left the front door open."
2125,7,1,7,Marshall: There was no time.
2126,7,1,7,"Robin: So Love Solutions, did you meet the love of your life?"
2127,7,1,7,Ted: She said it'd take three days. It's been five days. Should I be worried?
2128,7,1,7,"Lily: Oh, just play it cool. Don't Ted out about it."
2129,7,1,7,Ted: Did you just use my name as a verb?
2130,7,1,7,"Barney: Oh, yeah, we do that behind your back. Ted-out: to overthink. Also see Ted-up. Ted-up: to overthink something with disastrous results. Sample sentence: Billy Tedded up when"
2131,7,1,7,"Ted: OK, I get it. Don't worry, I'm not gonna ted anything up or out. I'll just give it a few more days."
2132,7,1,7,LOVE SOLUTIONS OFFICE
2133,7,1,7,"(subtitled '20 minutes later,' Ted enters Ellen's office)"
2134,7,1,7,"Ted: Hi, Ellen. Remember me? I'm Ted."
2135,7,1,7,"Ellen: Ted, hi. I meant to call you. The computer is still crunching the numbers. Busy as a bee, that little computer."
2136,7,1,7,Ted: You said it was gonna be three days.
2137,7,1,7,Ellen: Did I?
2138,7,1,7,Ted: Hm.
2139,7,1,7,Ellen: Three days? Really?
2140,7,1,7,"Ted: Yeah. When someone says you're gonna meet the perfect woman in three days, you gotta put that in your datebook, so..."
2141,7,1,7,"Ellen: How do I say this? This is gonna be really hard. Ted, there are absolutely no women out there for you. Phew, actually I got through that OK."
2142,7,1,7,(return from commercial break)
2143,7,1,7,Ted: There are no women for me out there? I thought you said there were 8.
2144,7,1,7,Ellen: I know. There are supposed to be. I don't know where they are.
2145,7,1,7,"Ted: But, I'm an architect. And you said I'm cute. I'm a cute architect."
2146,7,1,7,Ellen: How do you think I feel? I have a 100% success rate. It's my hook. I could probably find somebody for you if you were gay.
2147,7,1,7,"Ted: Well, I'm not."
2148,7,1,7,Ellen: A little bi maybe?
2149,7,1,7,"Ted: No. You're messing with me, right?"
2150,7,1,7,Ellen: Come see for yourself.
2151,7,1,7,(Ellen brings Ted over to her computer)
2152,7,1,7,"Ellen: I cannot set you up unless you have a compatibility rating of 7.0 or higher, and look, 5.4, 4.8, 5.6..."
2153,7,1,7,Ted: There's a 9.6 right there.
2154,7,1,7,(Ted points to something on computer monitor)
2155,7,1,7,"Ellen: Don't touch the computer. Yes, Sarah O'Brien. I fixed her up six months ago. She would have been absolutely perfect for you."
2156,7,1,7,Ted: What about the guy you set her up with? Is he a 9.6 compatibility rating?
2157,7,1,7,Ellen: 8.5.
2158,7,1,7,Ted: So he sucks.
2159,7,1,7,"Ellen: No, 8.5 is an extremely good match-up quotient."
2160,7,1,7,"Ted: Oh, sure, it's good. It's solid. But a 9.6?"
2161,7,1,7,"Ellen: Yes, 9.6 is off the charts, but Sarah is matched up. Ted, look, I have a lunch. Please. I promise we will find you somebody. Don't lose hope. There are new women turning 18 every day."
2162,7,1,7,"(Ted and Ellen leave office, Ted sneaks back into office and goes to computer and takes printouts, hides them in his jacket and runs back out of office)"
2163,7,1,7,
2164,7,1,7,BAR
2165,7,1,7,"(Lily and Marshall giving presentation at bar, Marshall is drawing something on a little chalkboard)"
2166,7,1,7,Lily: He's a whole new species. The cockamouse.
2167,7,1,7,Marshall: And it's the size of a potato.
2168,7,1,7,(Marshall shows everyone his drawing of the cockamous)
2169,7,1,7,"Robin: So, what, now it's a cockapotatomouse?"
2170,7,1,7,Marshall: Don't make it sound ridiculous. It's a cockamouse.
2171,7,1,7,(Barney and Ted are sitting at booth with Ted looking at printouts he took from Love Solutions)
2172,7,1,7,"Ted: My God, this is incredible. We're like the same person. Sarah O'Brien loves brunch."
2173,7,1,7,She wants to have two children. Her guilty pleasure song is Summer Breeze by Seals and Croft.
2174,7,1,7,"Barney: Wow, Ted, sounds like you're her perfect woman."
2175,7,1,7,Marshall: And like the majestic seahorse it's hermaphroditic.
2176,7,1,7,Lily: Obviously the whole thing is shrouded in mystery.
2177,7,1,7,"Marshall: For as much as we know about the cockamousse, there are still so much we don't know."
2178,7,1,7,"Robin: Well, we know that there's no such thing as a cockamouse. What we don't know is what you guys have been smoking."
2179,7,1,7,Marshall: So you really don't believe in the cockamouse?
2180,7,1,7,"Robin: Well, I believe that you saw something perfectly normal but you've exaggerated it in your mind, you know, um, like the Loch Ness Monster."
2181,7,1,7,"Marshall: If by 'like the Loch Ness Monster,' you mean, totally exists and is awesome, then yeah, it's like the Loch Ness monster."
2182,7,1,7,(Robin walks over to Ted and Barney)
2183,7,1,7,"Marshall: It's diet is not unlike our own, grains, cereals and it's awfully fond of cheese..."
2184,7,1,7,"Ted: OK, this is getting weird, the similarities go on and on. She hates phonies. I totally hate phonies too. She's a dermatologist. I have skin."
2185,7,1,7,Barney: You wanna be her boyfriend. She already has a boyfriend. It's uncanny.
2186,7,1,7,"Ted: All right, but it wouldn't hurt to check her out, right? See what my 9.6 looks like in person, as, you know, a frame of reference. And if she thinks she can do 11.45% better, who am I to deny her that?"
2187,7,1,7,"Future Ted VO: That's right, I did the math."
2188,7,1,7,DOCTOR'S OFFICE
2189,7,1,7,"(Ted waiting in examination room, doctor walks in)"
2190,7,1,7,Ted: Hi.
2191,7,1,7,"Sarah: Hi, I'm Dr. O'Brien."
2192,7,1,7,Ted: I'm Architect Mosby. Sorry I just wanted to say my job too.
2193,7,1,7,(Sarah laughs)
2194,7,1,7,"Ted: Hi, I'm Ted."
2195,7,1,7,"Sarah: So, what are we doing today?"
2196,7,1,7,Ted: I have a kind of mole on my back. It's probably nothing but I'm a cautious guy.
2197,7,1,7,Sarah: I'm exactly the same.
2198,7,1,7,"Ted (singing): Summer breeze makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in my mind."
2199,7,1,7,Sarah (joining in singing): Blowing through the jasmine in my mind.
2200,7,1,7,"Ted: Sorry about that, Summer Breeze is my guilty pleasure song."
2201,7,1,7,"Ted: Oh, it's been stuck in my head ever since I heard it this weekend at brunch."
2202,7,1,7,Sarah: I love brunch.
2203,7,1,7,"Ted: It's the best, as long as I don't have to spend it with a bunch of phonies."
2204,7,1,7,"Sarah: I like the way you think, Architect Mosby."
2205,7,1,7,"Ted: Hey, this may sound weird but it'll definitely sound more weird once my shirt's off so I'm gonna ask you now. Do you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night?"
2206,7,1,7,"Sarah: Oh, that's very sweet, but I'm actually getting married on Saturday."
2207,7,1,7,Ted: Friday night?
2208,7,1,7,(return from commercial break)
2209,7,1,7,"Ted: Wow, you're getting married. Congratulations."
2210,7,1,7,Sarah: Thank you.
2211,7,1,7,Ted: I'm really sorry I asked you out. If just felt like there might be this weird connection between us. How crazy am I coming off here?
2212,7,1,7,Sarah: Only a little.
2213,7,1,7,"Ted: Well, by some million to one shot, and I'm not rooting for this, you wind up not getting married this weekend, give me a call."
2214,7,1,7,"Sarah: OK, but it's not likely. I look damn good in my dress."
2215,7,1,7,Ted: I'm sure you do.
2216,7,1,7,APARTMENT
2217,7,1,7,"(Lily and Marshall working on contraption in living room area, Robin walks in from kitchen)"
2218,7,1,7,"Robin: Wow, that's a pretty sophisticated trap. You think the road runner's gonna fall for it?"
2219,7,1,7,"Lily: OK, we get it. You're skeptical. But Marshall and I, we're believers. We believe."
2220,7,1,7,"Marshall: Yeah, look around. The universe is mysterious and awesome. You got the Bermuda triangle, ghosts, Big Foot."
2221,7,1,7,Robin: Bad maps. Creaky houses. Hillbilly in a gorilla suit.
2222,7,1,7,Marshall: Aliens.
2223,7,1,7,(Robin shakes her head)
2224,7,1,7,"Marshall: Oh, come one, you gotta give me aliens. Stonehenge. Area 51. There's alien crap all over the place."
2225,7,1,7,Robin: You can't be serious.
2226,7,1,7,"Marshall: My friend, you just poked the bear."
2227,7,1,7,"(Marshall walks toward his bedroom, Ted and Barney walk in through front door)"
2228,7,1,7,"Ted: So, my 9.6, beautiful, charming, intelligent, engaged."
2229,7,1,7,Robin: Oh.
2230,7,1,7,"Lily: Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry."
2231,7,1,7,"Ted: Yeah, it was a long shot. I told her to call me anyway if she changes her mine, but I don't know..."
2232,7,1,7,"Lily: Whoa whoa whoa, let's not skip over this. Raise your hand if earlier today you hit on an engaged woman."
2233,7,1,7,(Ted and Barney both raise their hands)
2234,7,1,7,"Barney: Come on, Lily, don't hate the player, hate the game."
2235,7,1,7,(Marshall walks in from his bedroom reading from a book)
2236,7,1,7,"Marshall: On the night of July 2nd, 1947, conditions were clear over Roswell, New Mexico."
2237,7,1,7,Robin: Oh geez.
2238,7,1,7,"Marshall: Oh, hey, Ted, there's a message on the machine for you. Dr. O'Brien."
2239,7,1,7,Ted: What?
2240,7,1,7,"Marshall: When suddenly, an array of"
2241,7,1,7,(Ted jumps over to machine and shushes Marshall to listen to message)
2242,7,1,7,"Sarah (on answering machine): Ted, hi, this is Dr. O'Brien. About today, listen, I really need to talk to you. Call me, I'll be at the office all day."
2243,7,1,7,Barney: The doctor will see you now.
2244,7,1,7,(return from commercial break)
2245,7,1,7,"Ted: What should I do? I should totally go down there, right?"
2246,7,1,7,Lily: Don't interfere. Some guy is expecting to marry this woman on Saturday.
2247,7,1,7,"Ted: Yeah, an 8.5 guy. Look, if I was marrying the wrong person and the right person was out there and knew it, I'd want that person to come down to my dermatology office and tell me so."
2248,7,1,7,"In that scenario, I'm not interfering, I'm a happy ending."
2249,7,1,7,Barney: (chuckles) Happy ending.
2250,7,1,7,"Ted: Look, I have to go down there. I don't know what's gonna happen when I get there but I have to give it a shot."
2251,7,1,7,(Ted leaves apartment)
2252,7,1,7,"Barney: All right, see you later. Happy hunting."
2253,7,1,7,(Barney and Robin get up to leave)
2254,7,1,7,"Lily: Wait, where are you guys going? Don't you want to stay and see the cockamouse."
2255,7,1,7,"Barney: Yeah, we're gonna make some crop circles."
2256,7,1,7,(pot falls down from contraption)
2257,7,1,7,Marshall: Oh my God!
2258,7,1,7,Lily: Holy crap. We got it! What do we do with it?
2259,7,1,7,"Marshall: Calm down, I have a plan. I told my friend, Sudeep, about it. He wants to show it to the Columbia biology department. But it has to be alive."
2260,7,1,7,"Lily: Wait, no no. They'll do lab experiments on it. That's so mean. Shouldn't we just beat it to death with a bat?"
2261,7,1,7,DOCTOR'S OFFICE
2262,7,1,7,(Ted enters Dr. O'Brien's office)
2263,7,1,7,Ted: Hello again.
2264,7,1,7,Sarah: I'm glad you came down. I would prefer to say this to you in person.
2265,7,1,7,"Ted: Go ahead, Sarah, you can tell me anything."
2266,7,1,7,Sarah: You have a basal cell carcinoma.
2267,7,1,7,Ted: Anything else?
2268,7,1,7,"Sarah: Your mole. The biopsy came back. It's not life-threatening, but we should excise the rest of it."
2269,7,1,7,"Ted: Wait, then you're still getting married."
2270,7,1,7,Sarah: Of course I'm still getting married.
2271,7,1,7,Ted: But we're a 9.6.
2272,7,1,7,Sarah: Excuse me.
2273,7,1,7,"Ted: OK, I, I went to Love Solutions and I saw on Ellen Pierce's computer that you and I are a 9.6. Your fiance's only an 8.5."
2274,7,1,7,Sarah: You looked at my file.
2275,7,1,7,Ted: I had to. You're my only match. Aren't you even a little curious? The woman who set you up with your fiancé thinks we're a better match.
2276,7,1,7,Sarah: I am getting married on Saturday.
2277,7,1,7,Ted (singing): Summer breeze...
2278,7,1,7,Sarah: Ted.
2279,7,1,7,"Ted: Look, don't you think you're being a little impulsive marrying a guy you just met a few months ago?"
2280,7,1,7,Sarah: Don't you think it's a little impulsive for you to proposition an engaged woman you don't even know?
2281,7,1,7,"Ted: See, we're both impulsive. We're perfect for each other."
2282,7,1,7,"Sarah: Ted, just calm down."
2283,7,1,7,Ted: Calm down! You're my only match! There was a computer and there were 8 fish in the sea full of lesbians.
2284,7,1,7,"Sarah: Ted, Ted, do you honestly believe deep down that there is no one else out there for you just because some computer says so."
2285,7,1,7,"Ted: Didn't used to. There was math, I got confused."
2286,7,1,7,"Sarah: Love isn't a science. You can't calculate a feeling. When you fall in love with someone, 8.5 equals a perfect 10."
2287,7,1,7,Ted: You're right.
2288,7,1,7,LAB
2289,7,1,7,(Marshall bring Sudeep cockamouse in pot)
2290,7,1,7,"Sudeep: If this thing is what you say it is, it could be huge for my career."
2291,7,1,7,"Marshall: Brace yourself, dude. This is gonna blow your mind hold."
2292,7,1,7,(Sudeep moves cover to peek into pot)
2293,7,1,7,"Sudeep: You b*st*rd, I actually got excited about this."
2294,7,1,7,Marshall: What?
2295,7,1,7,Sudeep: It's empty.
2296,7,1,7,(Sudeep removes cover of pot completely and Marshall looks in)
2297,7,1,7,"Marshall: Wait, but if it's not here, that means...Lily."
2298,7,1,7,APARTMENT
2299,7,1,7,"(Robin sits on couch, Lily walks into living room area but backs away and hides)"
2300,7,1,7,Lily: Robin.
2301,7,1,7,Robin: What?
2302,7,1,7,(Robin walks over to Lily and sees what she sees)
2303,7,1,7,Robin: Oh my God. It's real.
2304,7,1,7,"Lily: Oh, is it? Do something."
2305,7,1,7,(Robin throws drink at it)
2306,7,1,7,Lily: What the hell was that? You trying to get it drunk?
2307,7,1,7,Robin: It was the only think I could think of.
2308,7,1,7,(Marshall runs into apartment)
2309,7,1,7,Marshall: Lily thank God.
2310,7,1,7,(Lily points over to cockamouse)
2311,7,1,7,"Marshall: Lily, I love you."
2312,7,1,7,(Marshall grabs cockamouse and run towards window)
2313,7,1,7,"Marshall: Robin, open the window!"
2314,7,1,7,"(Lily, Marshall and Robin run over to window and Robin tries to open window, Marshall throws cockamouse out the window)"
2315,7,1,7,Robin: It can fly.
2316,7,1,7,"Lily, Marshall: Wow."
2317,7,1,7,"Marshall: Be free, mutant beast. I'll miss this private war of ours. I grew to admire your tenacious...Oh my God, it's headed this way."
2318,7,1,7,(Marshall slams window shut and animal flies into it)
2319,7,1,7,LOVE SOLUTIONS OFFICE
2320,7,1,7,"(Ellen sits alone in the dark, Ted enters office)"
2321,7,1,7,Ted: Hi Ellen. I think I want my money back.
2322,7,1,7,"Ellen: I'm a failure. I'm all washed up. I tried everything, Ted. I widened the search parameters. I tweaked the program. Last night, I stood out on the street for five hours showing your photo to random pedestrians, no takers. Although this transvestite hooker said he/she would do you for half price because you kinda look like John Cusack and his/her favorite movie was Say Anything."
2323,7,1,7,"Ted: Come on, Ellen, I mean, a pint of ice cream isn't that a bit cliché?"
2324,7,1,7,Ellen: It's for the bourbon.
2325,7,1,7,Ted: This isn't hopeless. You're gonna find someone for me.
2326,7,1,7,"Ellen: No, I won't. You're gonna die alone."
2327,7,1,7,"Ted: I'm not gonna die alone. Look at me. I'm bright, I'm attractive. You just have to get back out there and keep looking."
2328,7,1,7,"Ellen: No, you're never gonna find anybody. And every year, you're just getting older and it's getting harder and harder."
2329,7,1,7,Ted: You're being ridiculous. I'm gonna be up on that wall one of these days.
2330,7,1,7,Ellen: No you won't.
2331,7,1,7,Ted: Yes I will
2332,7,1,7,"Ellen: How do you know? Ted: I don't know, but I believe. Hell, if a cockroach and a mouse can find love in this crazy city, then, dammit, so can I."
2333,7,1,7,Ellen: You're losing me.
2334,7,1,7,"Ted: Point is, something good is going to happen to me. Maybe your computer will help, maybe it won't, but it'll happen."
2335,7,1,7,Ellen: So I should keep looking?
2336,7,1,7,Ted: Of course you should. And now you're gonna do it for free.
2337,8,1,8,THE YEAR 2030
2338,8,1,8,LIVING ROOM
2339,8,1,8,(Daughter and Son sitting on couch)
2340,8,1,8,"Future Ted: So kids, there are many buildings New York City."
2341,8,1,8,EXT. NEW YORK CITY BUILDINGS
2342,8,1,8,"Future Ted: Thousands of apartments. Millions of stories. And even though it's been decades and someone else lives there now, there's one apartment in particular that will always be our apartment. I have so many great memories of that place."
2343,8,1,8,EXT. APARTMENT
2344,8,1,8,(Marshall sitting on couch playing video game)
2345,8,1,8,Future Ted VO: Marshall playing video games.
2346,8,1,8,"(Lily painting on fire escape, drops paintbrush)"
2347,8,1,8,Future Ted VO: Lily painting on the fire escape.
2348,8,1,8,Mr. Madsen: Hey!
2349,8,1,8,"Lily: Sorry, Mr. Madsen."
2350,8,1,8,(Ted in kitchen making coffee)
2351,8,1,8,"Future Ted VO: And me making the coffee. I had this coffeepot that was probably 50 years old at that time, and it made truly terrible coffee. We called it Shocky"
2352,8,1,8,Ted: Plugging in.
2353,8,1,8,Marshall: Saving game.
2354,8,1,8,(Ted plugs in coffeemaker and lights flicker and Ted gets shocked)
2355,8,1,8,(Interior shots of apartment)
2356,8,1,8,Future Ted VO: I loved every last detail of that place. Right down to the incredibly tacky swords we hung on the wall. I never wanted any of it to change. But that's not how life works.
2357,8,1,8,"(Marshall and Ted sitting in living room, Lily and Robin enter through front door holding four paper bags)"
2358,8,1,8,Lily: You guys will never believe what just happened to us.
2359,8,1,8,Robin: I don't even believe it myself.
2360,8,1,8,Lily: We were in Queens and we decided to stop by my apartment.
2361,8,1,8,"INT. LIVING ROOM, YEAR 2030"
2362,8,1,8,(Daugher and Son sitting on couch looking bewildered)
2363,8,1,8,"Daughter: Wait, her apartment? I thought Aunt Lily lived with you and Uncle Marshall."
2364,8,1,8,EXT. STREET
2365,8,1,8,(flashback to Lily and Robin walking to Lily's apartment)
2366,8,1,8,Lily: I could see how you would think that but I have to have my own place. It's an independence thing.
2367,8,1,8,Robin: When was the last time you were there?
2368,8,1,8,Lily: Three months ago.
2369,8,1,8,(Robin laughs)
2370,8,1,8,Lily: What? It's like fat pants. You hope you never have to use 'em but you're glad to know they're there.
2371,8,1,8,"(Lily and Robin stop walking, Lily looks confused)"
2372,8,1,8,Lily: What the hell?
2373,8,1,8,Robin: What?
2374,8,1,8,Lily: This is my apartment.
2375,8,1,8,Robin: Where?
2376,8,1,8,Lily: Right here.
2377,8,1,8,INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT
2378,8,1,8,(Lily and Robin enter through front door)
2379,8,1,8,Lily: What the hell?
2380,8,1,8,"Robin: Lily, this is a Chinese restaurant."
2381,8,1,8,"Lily: No, no, this was my apartment. My dresser was right..."
2382,8,1,8,(Lily looks around to point out to Robin where her dresser would be)
2383,8,1,8,Lily: That's my dresser! And this is my closet.
2384,8,1,8,(Lily opens closet door)
2385,8,1,8,And I spilled nail polish there. There's the stain.
2386,8,1,8,(Lily and Robin look at something on carpet)
2387,8,1,8,(Waitress walks in from kitchen)
2388,8,1,8,"Waitress: Hi, how many?"
2389,8,1,8,(Lily looks up at Waitress) Waitress: Lily.
2390,8,1,8,"Lily: Yes, you know me?"
2391,8,1,8,"Waitress: Yeah, from your homecoming picture. You're much prettier in person."
2392,8,1,8,"Lily: Yeah, I know, the bangs were a mistake. Where's my stuff? Waitress: It's all in the back. We could wrap it up for you. You want it to go?"
2393,8,1,8,Lily: This is my apartment!
2394,8,1,8,Waitress: Not anymore.
2395,8,1,8,INT. APARTMENT
2396,8,1,8,(back to Lily and Robin telling this story to Ted and Marshall)
2397,8,1,8,Ted: No way. You're making this up.
2398,8,1,8,"Marshall: Yeah, the building would have had to give you some sort of notice."
2399,8,1,8,(back to Chinese restaurant flashback)
2400,8,1,8,Waitress: They sent you a notice about this.
2401,8,1,8,Lily: When?
2402,8,1,8,Waitress: Three months ago. Here's your mail minus the magazines.
2403,8,1,8,(back to everyone in apartment)
2404,8,1,8,"Marshall: Well, still, legally, they can't just toss you out onto the street. You have a lease."
2405,8,1,8,(back to Chinese restaurant scene)
2406,8,1,8,"Lily: OK so I didn't have a written lease as such but, but go ask my landlady, Mrs. Conroy."
2407,8,1,8,(Lily turns to Robin)
2408,8,1,8,Lily: She may be 98 years old but she's still...
2409,8,1,8,(Lily turns back to Waitress)
2410,8,1,8,"Lily: She's dead, isn't she?"
2411,8,1,8,Waitress: Never even saw the bus.
2412,8,1,8,INT. APARTMENT
2413,8,1,8,Lily: My apartment is a Chinese restaurant. What am I gonna do?
2414,8,1,8,Ted: Come live with us.
2415,8,1,8,Lily: Really?
2416,8,1,8,Ted: Of course.
2417,8,1,8,"Marshall: You sure about this, Ted?"
2418,8,1,8,"Ted: Yeah. I mean, you basically live here anyway. It's not like it'll change anything."
2419,8,1,8,INT. BAR
2420,8,1,8,"(Barney, Robin and Ted sit at booth)"
2421,8,1,8,"Barney: No, it's like it'll change everything. Oh, Ted, you are so screwed."
2422,8,1,8,Ted: What? What are you talking about?
2423,8,1,8,Robin: And why is that girl checking you out?
2424,8,1,8,(Girl at another table is looking at Barney)
2425,8,1,8,"Barney: Because I look good. Now focus, you and Marshall are roommates. You have an amazing apartment. Marshall and Lily just got engaged"
2426,8,1,8,"Ted: Yeah, so?"
2427,8,1,8,"Barney: So, you're not still gonna be his roommate when he gets married, are you? Someone's going to move out. So who's it gonna be?"
2428,8,1,8,"Robin: Come on, Barney, I'm sure they've talked about who gets the apartment. You talked about who gets the apartment, right?"
2429,8,1,8,"Ted: Yeah, we've talked about it."
2430,8,1,8,(flashback to Ted and Marshall playing video games in their apartment)
2431,8,1,8,"Marshall: So, when Lily and I get married, who's gonna get the apartment?"
2432,8,1,8,"Ted: Oh, that's a tough one. You know who I think could handle a problem like that?"
2433,8,1,8,Marshall: Who?
2434,8,1,8,Ted: Future Ted and Future Marshall.
2435,8,1,8,Marshall: Totally. Let's let those guys handle it.
2436,8,1,8,"(back to Ted, Barney and Robin in bar)"
2437,8,1,8,Ted: Dammit Past Ted
2438,8,1,8,"Barney: You blew it, dude. Now that Lily's there, it's a whole new dynamic. They're edging you out."
2439,8,1,8,Ted: That's crazy. They're not edging me out. Marshall's my best friend.
2440,8,1,8,(Barney exhales loudly)
2441,8,1,8,Ted: One of my best friends. He wouldn't do that to me.
2442,8,1,8,"Barney: Just keep your eyes open. That's all I'm saying, Ted. Little things are gonna be changing around that apartment."
2443,8,1,8,"Robin: Come on, Barney, you're just being paranoid. OK, seriously, what is this girl's deal?"
2444,8,1,8,"(Girl at other table waves at Barney, Barney waves back)"
2445,8,1,8,Barney: Sort of on a date with her.
2446,8,1,8,Ted: What?
2447,8,1,8,"Barney: I found her online. I'm tired of the whole bar scene, the one-night hookups. I'm looking for a soul-mate, someone who I can love and cuddle, or so it says in my profile. (evil laugh) But this girl, she wants the same stuff and it's bumming me out. All right, Ted, call me from the hospital."
2448,8,1,8,Ted: All right.
2449,8,1,8,Robin: You're going to the hospital?
2450,8,1,8,"Ted: No, see, he's gonna go back over there and I'm gonna call him and he's gonna pretend that it's an emergency call from a family member at the hospital."
2451,8,1,8,"Robin: Oh, Lord, fake emergency? That is lamest, most pathetic cop-out in the book. I expect more from you, Barney."
2452,8,1,8,"Barney: Well, stay tuned, I'm working on some stuff. But in the meantime, wish me luck."
2453,8,1,8,(Barney gets up to sit with Girl)
2454,8,1,8,"Robin: So, are you gonna talk to Marshall?"
2455,8,1,8,"Ted: He's gonna want the apartment. I'm gonna want the apartment. It's gonna lead to an argument, so no."
2456,8,1,8,"Robin: Hm, that's real healthy. So, when a serious issue comes up, your response is just to avoid it."
2457,8,1,8,Ted: I should really make this call.
2458,8,1,8,(Ted takes out his cell phone and starts dialing)
2459,8,1,8,"Robin: Ooh, can I do it?"
2460,8,1,8,(Ted pushes phone over to Robin)
2461,8,1,8,"(Barney's phone rings, he answers)"
2462,8,1,8,"Barney: Hello? Robin: Hi there, sexy."
2463,8,1,8,"Barney: Hello, Aunt Kathy, what's up?"
2464,8,1,8,"Robin: Oh, nothing. Just sitting here, thinking about you, hot stuff."
2465,8,1,8,"Barney: An accident? Well, is Uncle Rudy gonna be OK? Robin: Aunt Kathy's got an itch that only you can scratch, big boy."
2466,8,1,8,Barney: Oh God! Why did he think he could build his own helicopter?
2467,8,1,8,"Robin: Come on, daddy, break me off a piece of that white chocolate."
2468,8,1,8,"Barney: Well, if he needs a transplant, he can have mine. I'll be right there."
2469,8,1,8,"(Barney stammers and gets up to leave, walks by Ted and Robin's booth)"
2470,8,1,8,Barney: See you guys later.
2471,8,1,8,(Barney walks out of bar)
2472,8,1,8,INT. APARTMENT
2473,8,1,8,"(Lily is painting by fireplace, Ted is sitting on couch drinking coffee, Marshall is at table studying)"
2474,8,1,8,"Ted: Ah, this'll be nice, the three of us living together. I think it's a good setup."
2475,8,1,8,"(Marshall smiles at Ted and Lily, Lily smiles back)"
2476,8,1,8,"Ted: Man, this coffee's great. It's really great. Too great."
2477,8,1,8,(Ted puts down coffee cup and runs to kitchen and sees a different coffeemaker)
2478,8,1,8,Ted: What happened to Shocky?
2479,8,1,8,(Ted notices Shocky in trash can and gasps)
2480,8,1,8,(Ted carries new coffeemaker into living room)
2481,8,1,8,"Ted: What's this? Lily: My coffeemaker from my apartment. Makes great coffee, right?"
2482,8,1,8,"Ted: Yeah, definitely. I mean, so does Shocky."
2483,8,1,8,Marshall: Really? I always thought Shocky's coffee tasted kinda rusty.
2484,8,1,8,"Ted: Yeah, no, it did. I mean, I kinda liked the rusty taste. I'm used to it. I don't know."
2485,8,1,8,"Marshall: Also Lily's coffeemaker doesn't, you know, shock you."
2486,8,1,8,"Ted: No. You gotta admit, that shock, wakes you up in the morning"
2487,8,1,8,Marshall: You know what else wakes you up in the morning? Coffee.
2488,8,1,8,Ted: That's great. You're right. Roomies! I love it.
2489,8,1,8,INT. BAR
2490,8,1,8,"(Robin, Ted and Barney sitting at table)"
2491,8,1,8,Ted: They're edging me out. They're totally edging me out. I didn't' believe it but you're right.
2492,8,1,8,"Barney: Told you. That Lily, she's a shrewd one."
2493,8,1,8,"Robin: Yeah, she got you a nice new coffeemaker. How dare she!"
2494,8,1,8,Ted: It's not just the coffeemaker.
2495,8,1,8,INT. APARTMENT
2496,8,1,8,"(Lily painting, Marshall studying close by, Ted walks into living room from his bedroom)"
2497,8,1,8,Lily: Done. The painting's done.
2498,8,1,8,Marshall: That is great.
2499,8,1,8,Ted: Nice.
2500,8,1,8,Marshall: Where do you wanna hang it?
2501,8,1,8,"Lily: I don't know. Um, over the piano?"
2502,8,1,8,"Ted: Yeah, that would be a good place for it. Too bad the swords are there. We kinda love those swords."
2503,8,1,8,"Marshall: Well, those swords have been up there a long time."
2504,8,1,8,"Ted: I know, right? I'd really miss them too. So, maybe Marshall's room?"
2505,8,1,8,Lily: OK.
2506,8,1,8,INT. BAR
2507,8,1,8,"(Robin, Ted, and Barney at table)"
2508,8,1,8,Ted: He was gonna take the swords down. Can you believe that?
2509,8,1,8,"Robin: Ted, why don't you just talk to him? He's your best friend."
2510,8,1,8,(Barney makes protest sounds)
2511,8,1,8,"Robin: One of your best friends. The point is, maybe it's time for some healthy communication."
2512,8,1,8,"Barney: Healthy communication? That's the worst idea ever. Look, you held off their first advance. That's good. Now it's time to counter-strike."
2513,8,1,8,"Ted: Yeah, well, what am I supposed to do?"
2514,8,1,8,"Barney: You gotta mark your territory, and I don't mean missing the toilet. You gotta do something big."
2515,8,1,8,"Ted: What, like buy a new sofa?"
2516,8,1,8,Barney: Bigger.
2517,8,1,8,(Barney looks over and sees Katie enter bar)
2518,8,1,8,"Barney: Katie's here. OK, real quick, last night, epiphany! I realized what the world of dating needs. Ready? A lemon law."
2519,8,1,8,"Robin: A lemon law, like for cars."
2520,8,1,8,"Barney: Exactly. From the moment the date begins you have five minutes to decide whether you're going to commit to an entire evening. And if you don't, it's no hard feelings just good night, thanks for playing, see you never. Huh? Huh? The lemon law, it's gonna be a thing, possibly starting right now."
2521,8,1,8,(Barney walks over to booth where Katie is sitting and sits down)
2522,8,1,8,Barney: Hi Katie. Barney.
2523,8,1,8,"Katie: Hi, it's good to finally meet you."
2524,8,1,8,(Barney looks over at Ted and looks back at Katie)
2525,8,1,8,"Barney: Hm, yeah. Katie, you are about to be a part of history."
2526,8,1,8,(Barney talks to Katie and she gets up to leave)
2527,8,1,8,Barney (yelling to Katie as she leaves): Tell your friends.
2528,8,1,8,Barney (to Robin and Ted at other table): It's gonna be a thing.
2529,8,1,8,
2530,8,1,8,KITCHEN
2531,8,1,8,"(Marshall making sandwich, Lily grabs some drinks from the refrigerator)"
2532,8,1,8,"Lily: Man, Ted's been acting weird. He started labeling all his food. He even carved ""Ted"" into that block of cheese."
2533,8,1,8,"Marshall: Yeah. Well, now it's Ed's."
2534,8,1,8,Lily: He's not cool with me moving in.
2535,8,1,8,"Marshall: No, that's not it. I mean, you basically lived here all along. Ted loves you."
2536,8,1,8,"Lily: So, what's he PMS'ing about?"
2537,8,1,8,(Lily and Marshall take food into other room to eat at table)
2538,8,1,8,Marshall: I don't know. But when he's ready to talk to me about it he'll come and talk to me about it.
2539,8,1,8,Lily: Are you kidding? You guys never talk about anything.
2540,8,1,8,(knock on front door)
2541,8,1,8,Lily: He'll just let it fester under the surface until he does something big and passive-aggressive.
2542,8,1,8,Marshall: You clearly don't know Ted.
2543,8,1,8,(Marshall opens front door)
2544,8,1,8,Delivery guy: Delivery for Ted Mosby.
2545,8,1,8,LIVING ROOM
2546,8,1,8,"(Marshall sitting on couch, large red phone booth is next to couch, Ted walks in through front door)"
2547,8,1,8,Marshall: Your English phone booth arrived.
2548,8,1,8,"Ted: Oh, awesome. It's great, right?"
2549,8,1,8,"Marshall: Yeah, I guess. Just not sure if Lily's gonna like it."
2550,8,1,8,"Ted: Well, I like it, so I'm just gonna keep it right here, if that's cool."
2551,8,1,8,"Marshall: Of course, we all live here so we should all be able to have things the way we want them."
2552,8,1,8,Ted: Exactly.
2553,8,1,8,Marshall: Great
2554,8,1,8,Marshall: Terrific.
2555,8,1,8,(Marshall walks over to painting)
2556,8,1,8,Marshall: You like the phone booth. It stays. I like this painting so I'm just gonna hang it...right here on the wall.
2557,8,1,8,"(Marshall takes swords down and throws them down on the ground, hangs painting in their place)"
2558,8,1,8,"Ted: Oh, so it's like that, is it?"
2559,8,1,8,"Marshall: Bring, bring."
2560,8,1,8,(Marshall walks over to phone booth and picks up phone)
2561,8,1,8,"Marshall (in British accent): Oh hello governor, oh it's like isn't it? Cheerio."
2562,8,1,8,(hangs up phone)
2563,8,1,8,"Marshall: Yeah, it's like that."
2564,8,1,8,Ted: I want this apartment.
2565,8,1,8,"Marshall: Well, I want it too."
2566,8,1,8,BAR
2567,8,1,8,(Girl #2 standing at table Barney's sitting at)
2568,8,1,8,Girl #2: You're a jerk.
2569,8,1,8,(Girl #2 walks away)
2570,8,1,8,"Barney: No, I'm a visionary. Lemon law, it's gonna be a thing!"
2571,8,1,8,(Barney walks over to Robin at bar)
2572,8,1,8,"Robin: For the record, your little lemon law is a symbol of everything that's wrong with our no-attention span society."
2573,8,1,8,"Barney: No, wrong, lemon law is awesome."
2574,8,1,8,"Robin: It takes longer than five minutes to really get to know someone. You keep giving up on people so quickly, you're gonna miss out on something great."
2575,8,1,8,"Barney: OK, you're on a blind date, sitting across the table is that guy."
2576,8,1,8,(Barney points over to geeky guy)
2577,8,1,8,Barney: You really think it'll take more than five minutes to realize there will be no date number two?
2578,8,1,8,"Robin: Yes I do. For all I know, that guy's my soul-mate."
2579,8,1,8,"Barney: Bad move, Scherbatsky."
2580,8,1,8,(Barney goes over to geeky guy)
2581,8,1,8,"Barney: Hi, have you met Robin?"
2582,8,1,8,Kevin: Hi.
2583,8,1,8,Robin: Hi.
2584,8,1,8,INT. APARTMENT
2585,8,1,8,(Ted and Marshall talking)
2586,8,1,8,"Ted: All right Marshall, we're deciding right now who gets this apartment. It may lead to an argument, but we're settling this."
2587,8,1,8,Marshall: Or we could flip a coin.
2588,8,1,8,"Ted: Yeah, let's flip a coin."
2589,8,1,8,Marshall: Flip it.
2590,8,1,8,"Ted: OK, I'm flipping it, here I go."
2591,8,1,8,Marshall: Flip it.
2592,8,1,8,"Ted: OK, here I go."
2593,8,1,8,Marshall: Flip it.
2594,8,1,8,"Ted: I'm flipping. But before I do, I just wanna say something. You didn't even wanna move in here in the first place. You said a pre-war building was bad for your allergies."
2595,8,1,8,Marshall: That was five years ago. Now you can get prescription-level antihistamines over the counter. Oh snap. What else you got?
2596,8,1,8,"Ted: OK, I'm flipping. Heads or tails."
2597,8,1,8,Marshall: You don't need two rooms
2598,8,1,8,"Ted: Heads or tails, Marshall. Like you need two rooms?"
2599,8,1,8,Marshall: We might be starting a family soon.
2600,8,1,8,"Ted: Oh, no you're not. There's no way you're having a baby while you're in law school. It's gonna be at least three years."
2601,8,1,8,"Marshall: It could be sooner, we're not that careful with our birth control Two-zip."
2602,8,1,8,"Ted: Oh, come on, you know damn well I move out that room's going unused."
2603,8,1,8,"Marshall: Oh, and I suppose you'll get a new roommate? Who's it gonna be? Barney? You know he cooks naked."
2604,8,1,8,"Ted: Yeah, well, at least Barney wouldn't take the swords down."
2605,8,1,8,"(Ted runs over to the swords, picks up a sword)"
2606,8,1,8,Ted: We were bros! These swords represent our bro-hood. And you took 'em down to make room for your fiance's stupid painting?
2607,8,1,8,"Marshall: My fiancé...suddenly, she's my fiancé."
2608,8,1,8,"(Marshall picks up other sword) Marshall: Lily's a part of who I am. And if you're such a bro, she's a part of who you are too. She's a bro by extension."
2609,8,1,8,"Ted: I deserve this apartment, Marshall."
2610,8,1,8,(Ted taps Marshall's sword with his sword)
2611,8,1,8,Marshall: No more than I do.
2612,8,1,8,(Marshall taps Ted's sword with his sword)
2613,8,1,8,"Ted: Great, so let's flip for it."
2614,8,1,8,(Ted taps Marshall's sword with his sword)
2615,8,1,8,Marshall: Flip it.
2616,8,1,8,"(Ted gets ready to flip coin, Ted and Marshall start sword fighting)"
2617,8,1,8,"Ted: So, is this how we're deciding who gets the apartment?"
2618,8,1,8,Marshall: I guess so.
2619,8,1,8,Ted: How are we doing this exactly? Is this like to the death?
2620,8,1,8,Marshall: We should probably figure that out.
2621,8,1,8,"(Marshall swipes at Ted, Ted jumps back and falls into chair)"
2622,8,1,8,"Ted: It's OK, it's OK."
2623,8,1,8,(Ted gets up and goes to other side of room)
2624,8,1,8,Ted: Can I observe something?
2625,8,1,8,Marshall: That this is kinda awesome?
2626,8,1,8,Ted: Totally.
2627,8,1,8,Marshall: I can't believe we didn't do this before.
2628,8,1,8,Ted: I know!
2629,8,1,8,INT. RESTAURANT
2630,8,1,8,"(Robin and Kevin sitting at table, waiter dressed in futuristic costume serves them drinks)"
2631,8,1,8,Robin: Thank you.
2632,8,1,8,Kevin: I can't believe this. I'm sitting here with a beautiful woman I just met eating at my favorite restaurant. Sweet.
2633,8,1,8,Robin: It's a nice place. It's good to know the future has ribs.
2634,8,1,8,Kevin: In the future food will most likely be served in gel-cap form. Plus cows will probably have died out by then... or be our leaders.
2635,8,1,8,(Robin's cell phone rings)
2636,8,1,8,Robin: Just a second.
2637,8,1,8,(Robin answers her phone)
2638,8,1,8,Robin: Hello.
2639,8,1,8,(Barney on phone looking at his watch)
2640,8,1,8,"Barney: (laughs) Time's running out, Scherbatsky. Last chance for the lemon law."
2641,8,1,8,(Robin on phone)
2642,8,1,8,Robin: Leave me alone.
2643,8,1,8,(Barney on phone looking at his watch)
2644,8,1,8,"Barney: 4:56, 4:57, 4:58."
2645,8,1,8,(Robin on phone)
2646,8,1,8,Robin: We're only just getting to know each other.
2647,8,1,8,(Barney on phone)
2648,8,1,8,Barney: Say I'm right and this could all be over. This could be your call from the hospital.
2649,8,1,8,(Robin hangs up phone)
2650,8,1,8,Robin: Sorry.
2651,8,1,8,"Kevin: Let me guess, there's been a crazy accident and you have to go."
2652,8,1,8,"Robin: No, I would never do that. I don't wanna go anywhere. I'm all yours."
2653,8,1,8,"Kevin: Look, if you're a hooker, I don't have a lot of money."
2654,8,1,8,INT. APARTMENT
2655,8,1,8,"(Marshall and Ted hit swords, Ted spins around and they hit swords again)"
2656,8,1,8,Marshall: That was awesome.
2657,8,1,8,Ted: I know.
2658,8,1,8,Marshall: Do it again.
2659,8,1,8,"Ted: OK, but this time, jump up and I'll swipe your legs."
2660,8,1,8,"(Marshall and Ted hit swords, Ted spins around and they hit swords again, Marshall jumps up and Ted swipes sword beneath his feet, the continue sword fight)"
2661,8,1,8,"Ted: Look. Here's why I should get the place. You and Lily, you get to be married. What do I get, right? I get to be unmarried, alone, minus two roommates. And on top of that I could be homeless. Does that seem fair?"
2662,8,1,8,"Marshall: Oh, boo-freakin-hoo."
2663,8,1,8,Ted: What?
2664,8,1,8,"Marshall: Woe is me. I'm not married yet. My ovaries are shrinking. Ted, if you wanted to be married by now you would be but you're not. And you know why? Because you're irrationally picky. You're easily distracted and you're utterly anhedonic."
2665,8,1,8,Ted: Anhedonic?
2666,8,1,8,Marshall: Anhedonic. It means you can't enjoy anything.
2667,8,1,8,Ted: The hell I can't. I'm enjoying this.
2668,8,1,8,"Marshall: I know, this rules."
2669,8,1,8,(Marshall and Ted continue sword fight)
2670,8,1,8,"Marshall: Hey, I'm sorry I took the swords down."
2671,8,1,8,"Ted: That's OK, it led to this totally rad sword fight, didn't it?"
2672,8,1,8,Marshall: Yeah it did.
2673,8,1,8,(Marshall is standing on table and they lock swords)
2674,8,1,8,Marshall: You remember when we first got these swords?
2675,8,1,8,Ted: It was the day we moved in.
2676,8,1,8,"(flashback to day they moved in, Marshall is assembling coffee table, Ted just mounted swords on wall)"
2677,8,1,8,"Ted: Congratulations, Marshall. We live in an apartment with swords on the wall."
2678,8,1,8,"Marshall: List of lifelong dreams, you're not half as long. Crap. I'm missing one of the screws for this table"
2679,8,1,8,"Ted: Just use this wood glue, it'll hold."
2680,8,1,8,Marshall: Yeah.
2681,8,1,8,"(back to present scene, Lily enters apartment through front door, table collapses under Marshall and he falls back towards front door, Lily screams, Ted screams with horror with hands to face)"
2682,8,1,8,INT. RESTAURANT
2683,8,1,8,(Robin is on phone)
2684,8,1,8,"Robin: Oh God, I'll be right there."
2685,8,1,8,(Robin hangs up phone)
2686,8,1,8,"Robin: Kevin, I'm so sorry. I have to go. My friend's been stabbed with a sword."
2687,8,1,8,"Kevin: Hab slosi quch! You have no honor. You know, if you felt this way you could have just been upfront."
2688,8,1,8,"Robin: No, I swear that was a real call. I just...Oh forget it."
2689,8,1,8,(Robin gets up and leaves restaurant) INT. HOSPITAL WAITING AREA
2690,8,1,8,"(Ted and Marshall sitting, Marshall's holding flowers)"
2691,8,1,8,Marshall: I stabbed Lily. I stabbed my fiancé.
2692,8,1,8,"Ted: Come on, Marshall, do you really think she's still your fiancé? I'm kidding. Hey, I think you guys should have the apartment. Marshall: But you fought so bravely for it."
2693,8,1,8,"Ted: I wasn't fighting for the apartment. I was fighting for...I don't know...for everything to stay the way it is. But I'm not gonna get that, so, seriously, take the place, it's yours."
2694,8,1,8,(Robin and Barney enter waiting area)
2695,8,1,8,Robin: Is she OK?
2696,8,1,8,Marshall: They're just patching her up. She's gonna be fine.
2697,8,1,8,"Barney: So get this, I was on a date with this girl, Jackie."
2698,8,1,8,"(Ted, Marshall and Robin look at him surprised)"
2699,8,1,8,"Barney: What? You said she's fine. So, anyway, I was on date with this girl, Jackie."
2700,8,1,8,INT. BAR
2701,8,1,8,(Barney sitting at table with Jackie)
2702,8,1,8,"Barney: Wow, Jackie, you make a really great first impression. I have a feeling that tonight you might end up being Jackie O."
2703,8,1,8,"Jackie: Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to lemon law you."
2704,8,1,8,INT. HOSPITAL WAITNG ROOM
2705,8,1,8,"Barney: It's out there, it's a thing. The lemon law is a thing. Damn, I should have called it Barney's law."
2706,8,1,8,Robin: But you're totally...
2707,8,1,8,Ted: Just let him have this one.
2708,8,1,8,(Doctor exits examining room to go into waiting area)
2709,8,1,8,Doctor: All set. She said she'd like to see the knights of the poorly constructed round table?
2710,8,1,8,Marshall: That's us.
2711,8,1,8,(Marshall and Ted get up and go into examining room)
2712,8,1,8,INT. EXAM ROOM
2713,8,1,8,"(Ted and Marshall stand sheepishly in front of Lily, Lily sits on exam table with right shoulder bandaged)"
2714,8,1,8,Lily: A sword fight?
2715,8,1,8,"Marshall, Ted: Sorry, Lily."
2716,8,1,8,"Lily: On Monday, I'm gonna have to tell my kindergarten class who I teach not to run with scissors that my fiancé ran me through with a frickin' broad sword."
2717,8,1,8,"Marshall: Well, just to be fair, it didn't go all the way through."
2718,8,1,8,"Lily: I'm sorry, is this a discussion of the degree to which you stabbed me?"
2719,8,1,8,Marshall: You're right. I'm sorry. We were fighting to see who gets the apartment. And I won.
2720,8,1,8,"Ted: Uh, you didn't win. I gave it to you."
2721,8,1,8,"Marshall: Uh, you know, if I tried..."
2722,8,1,8,"Lily: Wait wait wait wait wait. I don't want that apartment. It's a boy apartment. It's full of swords and videogames, and kinda smells like dude. It's fine for now, but when we get married, I wanna start a new life with you in a new place."
2723,8,1,8,Marshall: Gonna miss the old place.
2724,8,1,8,(Marshall sits next to Lily)
2725,8,1,8,Lily: I will too. We're not getting married for like a year.
2726,8,1,8,"Ted: Yeah, that's Future Marshall's problem. Let that guy deal with it."
2727,8,1,8,Marshall: Totally.
2728,8,1,8,Lily: Maybe it's the massive blood loss talking but I'm starving.
2729,8,1,8,Marshall: Let's go get some dinner.
2730,8,1,8,Lily: I know just the place.
2731,8,1,8,INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT
2732,8,1,8,"(Robin, Marshall, Lily, Ted, and Barney sitting around table)"
2733,8,1,8,"Ted: Chinese restaurant, I still don't believe it."
2734,8,1,8,"Lily: I told you. OK, a toast."
2735,8,1,8,(Everyone lifts their cup)
2736,8,1,8,"Lily: Life is full of changes. One day you have an apartment, the next day it's a house of dumplings. But the important stuff doesn't change. To the important stuff."
2737,8,1,8,(Everyone clinks glasses)
2738,8,1,8,Everyone: Here here. Cheers
2739,8,1,8,Barney: And to the lemon law.
2740,8,1,8,"(Barney lifts up his glass, no one joins him)"
2741,8,1,8,Barney: Self-clink.
2742,8,1,8,(Barney picks up another cup and clinks his two cups together)
2743,8,1,8,"Lily: And by the way, I bought these glasses. I bought them at Ikea. These are my glasses."
2744,8,1,8,Marshall: I love this song. I haven't heard this in forever.
2745,8,1,8,Lily: I'm pretty sure this is a mixed tape you made me in sophomore year.
2746,8,1,8,"Robin: Lily, your apartment makes the best Shanghai dumplings."
2747,8,1,8,"Marshall (on tape): I love you, Lily. Happy Valentine's Day 1998."
2748,9,1,9,THE YEAR 2030
2749,9,1,9,INT. LIVING ROOM
2750,9,1,9,(Daughter and Son sitting on couch)
2751,9,1,9,"Future Ted: Kids, this is a Thanksgiving story."
2752,9,1,9,(exterior shots of New York City)
2753,9,1,9,"Future Ted VO: Thanksgiving in New York is a wonderful time. It's a time for giving of yourself, for thinking of your fellow man, a time when the unforgiving city becomes a little kinder."
2754,9,1,9,INT. APARTMENT
2755,9,1,9,"(Robin and Ted sit on couch, Lily enters from bathroom)"
2756,9,1,9,"Lily: Well, I just ralphed."
2757,9,1,9,Robin: How much did you guys drink last night?
2758,9,1,9,Ted: Not how much? What.
2759,9,1,9,"(flashback to Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall at MacLaren's sitting at booth)"
2760,9,1,9,"Barney: The Thankstini. A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner."
2761,9,1,9,"(Barney puts bouillon cube in each of their drinks, Marshall drinks his Thankstini)"
2762,9,1,9,Marshall: It's like Thanksgiving in my mouth.
2763,9,1,9,(back to present scene)
2764,9,1,9,"Ted: You want a good holiday drink, try his Kwanzaapolitan."
2765,9,1,9,"(horn honks, Marshall runs out from his bedroom and looks out the window)"
2766,9,1,9,Marshall: The shuttle's here!
2767,9,1,9,(Marshall runs back into his bedroom)
2768,9,1,9,Lily: He hasn't been back home to Minnesota since Christmas. He's a little excited.
2769,9,1,9,(Marshall runs into living room area)
2770,9,1,9,"Marshall: Baby, we're holding up the shuttle, do you have everything you need? Toothbrush, pajamas, underpants. Underpants."
2771,9,1,9,"(Marshall runs back into his bedroom, Lily gets up to get ready to go)"
2772,9,1,9,"Ted: So, Lil, Marshall's family. Whole weekend with the future in-laws, you excited?"
2773,9,1,9,"Lily: Yeah, no, it'll be fun."
2774,9,1,9,"Robin: Lily, you just said, ""yeah, no."""
2775,9,1,9,"Lily: Did I? No, I, I love Marshall's family."
2776,9,1,9,"Robin, Ted: Oh."
2777,9,1,9,"Lily: But, yeah, no, it'll be great."
2778,9,1,9,Ted: You just did it again.
2779,9,1,9,"Lily: Yeah, no, shut up."
2780,9,1,9,"Robin: Wait, so you're not going home for Thanksgiving."
2781,9,1,9,"Ted: No, I have to work on Friday. You?"
2782,9,1,9,"Robin: I'm Canadian, remember? We celebrate Thanksgiving in October."
2783,9,1,9,"Ted: Oh, right, I forgot you guys are weird. You pronounce the word out, ""oat"""
2784,9,1,9,"Robin: You guys are the world's leader in handgun violence, your healthcare system is bankrupt and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue."
2785,9,1,9,Ted: Your cops are called Mounties.
2786,9,1,9,"Robin: So, probably hanging out with Barney then?"
2787,9,1,9,"Ted: No, Barney's got his own Thanksgiving tradition."
2788,9,1,9,"(flashback to Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall sitting at booth at MacLaren's)"
2789,9,1,9,"Barney: Thanksgiving in a strip club, who's in? The Lusty Leopard has a surprisingly good Thanksgiving buffet. Plus, they do this thing. Heather dresses up as a pilgrim and Misty dresses up as an Indian, and they share a meal."
2790,9,1,9,"Lily: Oh, Barney."
2791,9,1,9,"Barney: I'm sorry, Native American."
2792,9,1,9,(back to present scene)
2793,9,1,9,"Ted: I think I'm gonna go to a homeless shelter, serve food."
2794,9,1,9,Robin: That's awesome.
2795,9,1,9,"Ted: Yeah, I thought I'd just spend the day giving back, you know, doing some good."
2796,9,1,9,Barney: Canceling out Barney.
2797,9,1,9,Ted: Exactly.
2798,9,1,9,(Marshall runs into the living room)
2799,9,1,9,Marshall: Where are all my underpants?
2800,9,1,9,Lily: Did you check your suitcase?
2801,9,1,9,"(Marshall checks his suitcase, gives a thumbs-up)"
2802,9,1,9,Marshall: Let's go.
2803,9,1,9,"Future Ted VO: And go they went, all the way to St. Cloud, Minnesota, Marshall's hometown. And as Lily stepped into her fiance's boyhood home, she received a big welcome."
2804,9,1,9,INT. ERICKSEN HOME
2805,9,1,9,(Marshall opens door and Marshall and Lily walk in to the kitchen)
2806,9,1,9,"Marshall: Hello, we're home!"
2807,9,1,9,(tall Ericksens come in to the kitchen to greet Marshall and Lily)
2808,9,1,9,"Future Ted VO: A very big welcome. You see, at 6'4"", Marshall was the runt of the Ericksen clan."
2809,9,1,9,"Lily: Wow, I forgot how tall you guys are."
2810,9,1,9,(Mr. Ericksen walks in and stands in doorway)
2811,9,1,9,Mr. Ericksen: Where's my almost daughter-in-law?
2812,9,1,9,Lily: Here I am. (Lily raises her hand)
2813,9,1,9,(Mr. Ericksen hugs Lily)
2814,9,1,9,"Mr. Ericksen: You got yourself a great little bride here, son."
2815,9,1,9,(Mr. Ericksen pushes Lily aside and goes over to Marshall)
2816,9,1,9,"Mr. Ericksen: All right now, no farting around. Put your skates and your pads on, boys. Game on in five minutes."
2817,9,1,9,Lily: You're gonna go play hockey?
2818,9,1,9,(Mr. Ericksen tosses a basketball to Marcus)
2819,9,1,9,Lily: With a basketball?
2820,9,1,9,"Mr. Ericksen: Well, it's a combination of the two. We call it baskiceball."
2821,9,1,9,(Marcus passes the basketball to Marshall and Marshall spins it on his finger)
2822,9,1,9,Marshall: We invented it. It's the most dangerous and awesome sport in the world.
2823,9,1,9,Lily: Baskiceball? Not iceketball?
2824,9,1,9,Mr. Ericksen: Iceketball? Just sounds weird.
2825,9,1,9,Ericksens: Yeah.
2826,9,1,9,(Marshall passes ball back to Marcus)
2827,9,1,9,"Marcus: It's baskiceball, OK? And I'm the best."
2828,9,1,9,(Marcus tossess ball to Lily)
2829,9,1,9,Marshall: You wish.
2830,9,1,9,"Lily: Oh, well maybe that's just 'cause you haven't seen me play."
2831,9,1,9,(Lily throws ball to Marcus who throws it to Marshall)
2832,9,1,9,"Marshall: I don't know honey, it's not really a sport for a girl."
2833,9,1,9,"Lily: Well, that's funny because your brother throws like a girl."
2834,9,1,9,"(Lily takes ball from Marshall and throws it to Marcus, Marcus throws it back at Lily and hits her in the head and she falls back)"
2835,9,1,9,Mrs. Ericksen: (quietly) Marcus!
2836,9,1,9,INT. HOMELESS SHELTER KITCHEN
2837,9,1,9,"(Robin and Ted enter, lots of volunteers bustling around)"
2838,9,1,9,Robin: This is gonna be great.
2839,9,1,9,"Ted: I know. I'm so psyched we did this. Look at all these people, giving up their Thanksgiving to help their fellow man. These have got to be the best people in New York."
2840,9,1,9,(Barney enters kitchen from dining area singing)
2841,9,1,9,"Barney: Excuse me, guys. Coming through."
2842,9,1,9,Ted: Barney?
2843,9,1,9,"Barney: Well, hi guys."
2844,9,1,9,Ted: What are you doing here?
2845,9,1,9,"Barney: Oh, just the Lord's work."
2846,9,1,9,Ted: But you're Satan.
2847,9,1,9,"Barney: Guys, OK, look, I don't advertise it, but I volunteer here. I think it's important to help the less fortunate. I'm the Angelina Jolie of incredibly hot guys."
2848,9,1,9,"Robin: This is a joke, right? You don't actually volunteer here."
2849,9,1,9,"Kendall: Barney, we need you out front. There is a logjam on the stuffing line. Can you show them how it's done?"
2850,9,1,9,Barney: I'm on it.
2851,9,1,9,"Ted: Wait, so, this is real. Barney does this?"
2852,9,1,9,"Kendall: Every Sunday, all year long. He's our best volunteer"
2853,9,1,9,"Barney: That's because I was trained by the best, Kendall."
2854,9,1,9,"Ted: Anyway, uh, we're psyched to be here, Kendall. What do you need us to do?"
2855,9,1,9,"Kendall: Go home, we're full."
2856,9,1,9,"Robin: What? Ted: We're volunteers, we're unpaid help. Can you really ever have enough unpaid help?"
2857,9,1,9,"Kendall: On the biggest volunteer day of the year, yeah, you can."
2858,9,1,9,"Robin: Come on, we just wanna help out."
2859,9,1,9,"Barney: Kendall, they're cool."
2860,9,1,9,"Kendall: Fine, but I'm not promising anything. Wait here, we'll let you know if we need you."
2861,9,1,9,"Barney: OK, well, I better get out there. There's a lot of food to give out. And a lot of smiles."
2862,9,1,9,"(Barney goes back out to dining area, Ted and Robin look at Barney with mouths agape)"
2863,9,1,9,INT. ERICKSEN'S KITCHEN
2864,9,1,9,(Ericksen women preparing Thanksgiving dinner)
2865,9,1,9,"Mrs. Ericksen: Oh, I almost forgot. I know it's early but you are a future Mrs. Ericksen."
2866,9,1,9,"(Mrs. Ericksen puts a ""Mrs. Ericksen"" apron on Lily)"
2867,9,1,9,Lily: Thank you. It'll go great with my...I just love it.
2868,9,1,9,"Mrs. Ericksen: OK, Lily, we're putting you on salad duty."
2869,9,1,9,"Lily: Oh, I make this great frisee and endive salad with a coriander lime vinaigrette."
2870,9,1,9,Pregnant Mrs. Ericksen: But this is an American holiday.
2871,9,1,9,"Mrs. Ericksen: Now that you're going to be a Mrs. Ericksen, I'm going to let you in on a secret recipe. The Ericksen family seven-layer salad."
2872,9,1,9,Lily: Seven-layer salad?
2873,9,1,9,(Mrs. Ericksen hands Lily paper with recipe on it)
2874,9,1,9,Lily: Six cups of mayonnaise? That can't be right.
2875,9,1,9,"Mrs. Ericksen: Oh no, dear, sixteen cups."
2876,9,1,9,(Mrs. Ericksen places a large glass cylinder next to Lily)
2877,9,1,9,Mrs. Ericksen: Mayo's in that cabinet.
2878,9,1,9,"(Lily goes over to cabinet to get mayo, Marshall comes in through front door limping)"
2879,9,1,9,"Marshall: Oh my God, there is some serious baskiceball going on out there. Dad totally nailed Marcus in the face with a snowball, which is a foul because you only get one snowball per possession, so I nailed him in the shin with my skate and I totally dunked it."
2880,9,1,9,(Mr. Ericksen and Marvin enter)
2881,9,1,9,"Mr. Ericksen: Yeah, you were sitting pretty until I whacked you with that mallet."
2882,9,1,9,Mr. Ericksen: (to Mrs. Ericksen) Hey Gorgeous!
2883,9,1,9,"Marshall: You having fun? Lily: Yeah, but I kinda miss you. Could you stay in here for a little bit?"
2884,9,1,9,"Marshall: Yeah, yeah yeah, no problem, it's halftime."
2885,9,1,9,"Mr. Ericksen: Oh, halftime's over. Get yours butts out here, come on."
2886,9,1,9,"Marvin: And I hope you like the taste of stick, dorko."
2887,9,1,9,Lily: Go.
2888,9,1,9,Marshall: Thanks baby.
2889,9,1,9,(Marshall hugs Lily)
2890,9,1,9,"Marshall: Oh, isn't this great? Can't you see why everybody from my high school stays in this town?"
2891,9,1,9,(Marshall heads out the door)
2892,9,1,9,"Marshall: Hey Marvin, you're the dorko, dorko!"
2893,9,1,9,(Lily scoops out a lot of mayo)
2894,9,1,9,INT. HOMELESS SHELTER KITCHEN
2895,9,1,9,(Barney talking to Ted and Robin)
2896,9,1,9,"Barney: Man, it's amazing out there. I've done so much good today, I've got like a soul boner."
2897,9,1,9,"And the way the faces of the less fortunate light up when you give them a hot, nutritious meal, is there a better feeling on earth?"
2898,9,1,9,Robin: Yesterday you said the best feeling on earth was getting your toes sucked. Then you requested a high-five with your foot.
2899,9,1,9,"Ted: Hey, Barn? What do you say you let us sub in for you, scoop stuffing for a little bit?"
2900,9,1,9,"Barney: (laughs) You wanna scoop stuffing your first day out? Hello, NFL, can I be quarterback this Sunday? Dude."
2901,9,1,9,(Barney walks away)
2902,9,1,9,INT. ERICKSEN KITCHEN
2903,9,1,9,(Ericksen women preparing Thanksgiving dinner)
2904,9,1,9,"Lily: OK, I finished the gummy bear layer of the salad. What's next?"
2905,9,1,9,(Lily looks at recipe)
2906,9,1,9,Lily: Potato chips.
2907,9,1,9,"Mrs. Ericksen: So, Lily, when are you gonna start thinking about having a baby?"
2908,9,1,9,(Lily drops some potato chips)
2909,9,1,9,"Lily: Baby? Uh, you know, I hadn't really thought about it at all."
2910,9,1,9,"Future Ted VO: Actually Aunt Lily was lying. It'd been all she'd been thinking about. You see, remember when she said..."
2911,9,1,9,(flashback to Lily coming in to living room from bathroom)
2912,9,1,9,"Lily: Well, I just ralphed."
2913,9,1,9,(back to present scene)
2914,9,1,9,Future Ted VO: At that point she was five days late. This was day six.
2915,9,1,9,"Lily: Yeah, I mean, I'm way too young to have a baby, right?"
2916,9,1,9,"Mrs. Ericksen: Oh, are you kidding? I was younger than you when I had Marcus. Beautiful 15 pound boy. Not much bigger than this turkey right here."
2917,9,1,9,(Mrs. Ericksen puts turkey on counter)
2918,9,1,9,Lily: (staring at turkey) Oh my.
2919,9,1,9,(back from commercial break)
2920,9,1,9,"Future Ted VO: Now if Lily was already uneasy about joining the Ericksen family, imagine how she felt about possibly having a 15-pound Ericksen growing inside of her."
2921,9,1,9,"Lily: That's a big baby, Judy."
2922,9,1,9,Mrs. Ericksen: The doctor thought he was twins.
2923,9,1,9,Lily: (laughs nervously) Twins. Twins!
2924,9,1,9,INT. HOMELESS SHELTER KITCHEN
2925,9,1,9,(Ted and Robin talking)
2926,9,1,9,Ted: This is crazy. When did it get so hard to do charity work?
2927,9,1,9,Robin: I do charity work all the time. Remember when I said I'd find you a girlfriend.
2928,9,1,9,Ted: Ha ha. Delightful. How is that little project coming along anyway?
2929,9,1,9,Robin: I'm working on it. I'm gonna introduce you to that girl you've been staring at.
2930,9,1,9,"Ted: What? That's crazy, I haven't been staring at any girl..."
2931,9,1,9,(Robin walks over to girl)
2932,9,1,9,Robin: Have you met Ted?
2933,9,1,9,(Ted goes over to shake her hand)
2934,9,1,9,"Ted: Hi, I'm the aforementioned Ted, and this is..."
2935,9,1,9,(Ted looks around for Robin to introduce her and notices she's walked away)
2936,9,1,9,Ted:... gone.
2937,9,1,9,Amanda: I'm Amanda.
2938,9,1,9,Ted: Hi.
2939,9,1,9,"Amanda: So, what do you do here, Ted?"
2940,9,1,9,"Ted: Well, I've been...nothing. I do nothing."
2941,9,1,9,"Amanda: If you want to do something, you and your girlfriend can help sort through these donations."
2942,9,1,9,(Robin walks back over)
2943,9,1,9,"Robin: Oh, um, I'm not his girlfriend. I used to be but, um, I just wasn't enough woman for Ted, emotionally or sexually. Oh my God."
2944,9,1,9,"Ted: So, Amanda, what do you need us to do?"
2945,9,1,9,"Amanda: OK, this is important. Go through all these boxes of food donations, take out the really good stuff and put it into this box."
2946,9,1,9,Ted: Got it. Consider it sorted.
2947,9,1,9,(Amanda walks away)
2948,9,1,9,"Robin: Hey, we're in business."
2949,9,1,9,"Ted: Hey, Barney's not gonna get all the glory today."
2950,9,1,9,"(Ted moves some boxes which uncovers framed photo of Barney as ""volunteer of the year"", Ted puts boxes back to cover photo)"
2951,9,1,9,Ted: Let's start with this one.
2952,9,1,9,Robin: Yeah.
2953,9,1,9,
2954,9,1,9,INT. ERICKSEN DINING AREA
2955,9,1,9,(Ericksen join hands in prayer)
2956,9,1,9,Mr. Ericksen: Amen.
2957,9,1,9,Ericksens: Amen.
2958,9,1,9,(Pregnant Mrs. Ericksen comes in carrying baby boy)
2959,9,1,9,Pregnant Mrs. Ericksen: Look who came to say good-night. It's little Martin. Three-months old.
2960,9,1,9,Lily: Three months! Three months?
2961,9,1,9,Marshall: He's been drinking his milk.
2962,9,1,9,(Ericksens lift up their large glasses of milk)
2963,9,1,9,Ericksens: Here here.
2964,9,1,9,Lily: And she's already pregnant again.
2965,9,1,9,"Mr. Ericksen: Well, that's 'cause those Ericksen boy's boys can swim. They've got two tails and a drill bit for a head."
2966,9,1,9,"Marshall: Dad, you're embarrassing me."
2967,9,1,9,"Mr. Ericksen: Ah, son, she's cool. She's gonna be an Ericksen."
2968,9,1,9,"Lily: Yeah, well, well, not literally because, you know, I'm keeping my name."
2969,9,1,9,Mrs. Ericksen: But the apron.
2970,9,1,9,"Marshall: Well, we haven't actually decided anything yet so..."
2971,9,1,9,"Lily: No, I've decided and I'm keeping my own name."
2972,9,1,9,Mr. Ericksen: But Ericksen is a great last name. People know the Ericksen's.
2973,9,1,9,"Lily: Oh, sure, in St. Cloud but our kids aren't gonna be growing up in St. Cloud. Right, baby?"
2974,9,1,9,"Marshall: Why not St. Cloud? I mean, I loved growing up St. Cloud. St. Cloud is a great place to have a childhood."
2975,9,1,9,"Lily: Oh, so is New York."
2976,9,1,9,(Ericksens laugh)
2977,9,1,9,Lily: What? It is. And we grew up just fine. And we grew to the proper size and then we stopped.
2978,9,1,9,(Lily looks at Marcus to her left and Marcus stops smiling)
2979,9,1,9,INT. HOMELESS SHELTER KITCHEN
2980,9,1,9,"(Ted, Robin and Amanda sort through food donations)"
2981,9,1,9,"Ted: Hey, Amanda, what's this box for?"
2982,9,1,9,"Amanda: Oh, that's for me. You can put it in my car."
2983,9,1,9,"Ted: In your car, um, then you'll take it..."
2984,9,1,9,"Amanda: Home? We get so much extra food, no one can eat it all. Oh, Truffle oil. Score."
2985,9,1,9,Ted: People donated this food thinking it was going to feed the hungry.
2986,9,1,9,"Amanda: I know, and I'm starving."
2987,9,1,9,INT. ERICKSEN DINING ROOM
2988,9,1,9,(Ericksens around table having Thanksgiving dinner)
2989,9,1,9,"Lily: But, Marshall, you love New York."
2990,9,1,9,"Marshall: Yes, I do. But you always said that when we had kids, you wanted to move out of Manhattan."
2991,9,1,9,"Lily: Yeah, to Brooklyn."
2992,9,1,9,Marshall: Why are we even talking about this? This is way down the road.
2993,9,1,9,Future Ted VO: But Lily knew way down the road might not be so far down the road.
2994,9,1,9,Lily: I need to go to the restroom.
2995,9,1,9,(Lily gets up from table and goes out the door)
2996,9,1,9,"Marshall: Lily, the restroom's the other way."
2997,9,1,9,Future Ted VO: So she headed down the road.
2998,9,1,9,Marshall: Lily.
2999,9,1,9,(sound of car starting outside)
3000,9,1,9,Marshall: Lily!
3001,9,1,9,(car drives down road)
3002,9,1,9,INT. HOMELESS SHELTER KITCHEN
3003,9,1,9,"(Barney, Ted and Robin talking by where food donations are)"
3004,9,1,9,"Barney: So, wait, not only have you not done any good for anyone today, you're actually helping someone steal from the homeless. You know, Ted, it's called Thanksgiving, not Thankstaking. Damn."
3005,9,1,9,"Kendall: Barney, you need me to sign your time sheet, right?"
3006,9,1,9,"Barney: Yeah, Right. Thanks."
3007,9,1,9,"(Barney gets paper out of his pocket and gives it to Kendall, Ted and Robin look at each other)"
3008,9,1,9,Ted: Barney.
3009,9,1,9,"Barney: Yeah, what's up?"
3010,9,1,9,Ted: You have a time sheet. No one else has a time sheet.
3011,9,1,9,"Barney: Yeah, so."
3012,9,1,9,(Kendall gives paper back to Barney)
3013,9,1,9,"Ted: All right, let me see that."
3014,9,1,9,(Ted grabs paper away from Barney)
3015,9,1,9,Barney: That's my private personal business!
3016,9,1,9,Ted: Court-mandated community service.
3017,9,1,9,"Oh my God, you're on probation? What did you do?"
3018,9,1,9,Barney: That's my private personal business.
3019,9,1,9,"(flashback to urinating against a wall in an alley, police siren and lights approach, Barney turns around, zips up his pants and runs away)"
3020,9,1,9,(back to present scene)
3021,9,1,9,Barney: I was unfairly punished because the wall belonged to the judge's church.
3022,9,1,9,Ted: You peed on a church?
3023,9,1,9,Barney: I peed in an alley which happened to have a church which I did not see because I was drunk.
3024,9,1,9,"Ted: Oh, you are evil."
3025,9,1,9,"Robin: Now, all's right with the world again."
3026,9,1,9,"Barney: OK, fine, so a judge is making me do this but I'm still doing it, and kicking ass at it, BTW."
3027,9,1,9,"(Barney points to his ""volunteer of the year"" picture and poses like his picture)"
3028,9,1,9,Barney: When's the last time either of you did any good? Huh?
3029,9,1,9,(Ted grabs a bag of Portobello mushrooms and walks over to Kendall)
3030,9,1,9,"Ted: Kendall, ah, Kendall, Amanda is stealing Portobello mushrooms from homeless people."
3031,9,1,9,Kendall: Amanda! I called dibs on the Portobello mushrooms.
3032,9,1,9,(Amanda smiles and shrugs)
3033,9,1,9,Ted: Those are for the hungry.
3034,9,1,9,"Kendall: I know, and I'm starving."
3035,9,1,9,(Kendall and Amanda laugh; Ted grabs mushrooms from Kendall and runs out to dining area and Kendall chases after him)
3036,9,1,9,Amanda: Those are good mushrooms!
3037,9,1,9,INT. HOMELESS SHELTER DINING AREA
3038,9,1,9,(Ted runs in with mushrooms and starts throwing them towards people)
3039,9,1,9,Ted: Mushrooms. Mushrooms. Portobello mushrooms for everybody! Take them and run! They're very expensive!
3040,9,1,9,INT. CONVENIENCE STORE
3041,9,1,9,"(Lily pays for something, clerk takes money and makes change and gives it to Lily)"
3042,9,1,9,Clerk: Happy Thanksgiving.
3043,9,1,9,"Lily: Happy Thanksgiving. As in check out the chick buying the knock-up test everybody, wonder what must be going through her head. Yeah, well, since you asked, a family of mayonnaise-guzzling giants is trying to suck me into their suburban nightmare. And there's a solid chance that I have an Ericksen the size of a 15-pound turkey growing inside of me."
3044,9,1,9,Clerk: You know the Ericksen's? Marshall's fiancé.
3045,9,1,9,Lily: Fantastic.
3046,9,1,9,Clerk: So nice to meet you. You are taller than described.
3047,9,1,9,Lily: I'm sorry I just yelled at you. You mind if I use your bathroom?
3048,9,1,9,Clerk: Don't have one.
3049,9,1,9,Lily: So what do you do when you have to...?
3050,9,1,9,Clerk: I hold it.
3051,9,1,9,"(Clerk takes sip from his drink, Lily walks out of store)"
3052,9,1,9,EXT. STREET
3053,9,1,9,(Ted and Robin sit on curb)
3054,9,1,9,Ted: You can't fire a volunteer.
3055,9,1,9,Robin: Apparently you can. And his two non-mushroom-throwing friends.
3056,9,1,9,(Barney walks over to Robin and Ted)
3057,9,1,9,Barney: I can't believe that I told Kendall you guys were cool. I had 40 hours left on my community service and now I've got to spend it spearing trash on a freaking median strip.
3058,9,1,9,"(Barney picks up his ""volunteer of the year"" poster and holds it in front of him)"
3059,9,1,9,Barney: Volunteer of the year!
3060,9,1,9,"Ted: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. OK, look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, just tell me, I'll do it."
3061,9,1,9,"Barney: Ted, I'm glad you asked."
3062,9,1,9,INT. LUSTY LEOPARD
3063,9,1,9,"(Dancer twirling around pole; Barney and Robin eating Thanksgiving dinner, Ted sitting with head in hands)"
3064,9,1,9,Robin: Surprisingly good.
3065,9,1,9,Barney: Right? I told you so.
3066,9,1,9,Ted: Public urination. Who gets arrested for public urination?
3067,9,1,9,INT. ERICKSEN DINING ROOM (Marshall has his cell phone to his ear and puts it down to his chest)
3068,9,1,9,Marshall: Lily's been arrested.
3069,9,1,9,"Judy: Oh dear, what for? Marshall: Public urination."
3070,9,1,9,INT. JAIL CELL
3071,9,1,9,"(Lily sitting on cot, officer opens cell door to let Marshall in)"
3072,9,1,9,"Marshall: Thanks, Pete."
3073,9,1,9,Pete: No problemo Marsh.
3074,9,1,9,Marshall: You all right? Lily: No. I embarrassed myself in front of your family and now I'm celebrating Thanksgiving in probably the most depressing place ever.
3075,9,1,9,INT. LUSTY LEOPARD
3076,9,1,9,(Dancer takes money from Barney's mouth
3077,9,1,9,INT. JAIL CELL
3078,9,1,9,(Marshall and Lily talking)
3079,9,1,9,"Marshall: Well, I'm glad that you're safe. Hey, weird question, why did you drive three miles down Route 23 and take a pee behind a convenience store?"
3080,9,1,9,"Lily: OK, I'll tell you but before I do, promise me that we are not gonna move to St. Cloud, Minnesota, promise."
3081,9,1,9,"Marshall: Look, I'm not suggesting that we move here tomorrow. I'm just..."
3082,9,1,9,Lily: Just promise.
3083,9,1,9,Marshall: Why do you want me to promise you that?
3084,9,1,9,(Lily stands up)
3085,9,1,9,Lily: Because I don't fit in here. I'm not eight feet tall and I don't think you can call it a salad if it has Funyuns in it.
3086,9,1,9,"Marshall: I'm Funyuns and mayonnaise and gummy bears and baskiceball and I love St. Cloud. And yes, there is a part of me that would like to move here someday, and why are we having this discussion in a jail cell on Thanksgiving?"
3087,9,1,9,(Pete walks into cell with a bag of Lily's things)
3088,9,1,9,"Pete: OK, personal effects, one wallet, one cell phone, one pregnancy test."
3089,9,1,9,"(Lily takes bag with pregnancy test from Pete, Pete walks out of cell)"
3090,9,1,9,Lily: Pete arrested me before I could look at it.
3091,9,1,9,"(Lily sits down, Marshall sits down next to Lily)"
3092,9,1,9,Marshall: Whoa.
3093,9,1,9,Lily: Yeah.
3094,9,1,9,"Marshall: Lily, we can't let our kids play baskiceball. Baskiceball is really dangerous."
3095,9,1,9,"Lily: Yeah, what are the rules to that game, anyway? Marshall: There are no rules, we just wail on each other."
3096,9,1,9,"(Lily leans on Marshall and grabs his arm, Marshall puts his hand over Lily's)"
3097,9,1,9,"Marshall: Look, I don't wanna be exactly like my family, and don't take this the wrong way, but I don't wanna be exactly like your family either."
3098,9,1,9,"(Lily shakes her head) Marshall: We'll be our own family, and we'll find our own way to freak out the people our kids bring home."
3099,9,1,9,(Lily smiles and wipes a tear away)
3100,9,1,9,"Lily: Great, now I'm crying. Look, we may have some really big decisions to make in about 10 seconds but right now, I don't care where our kids grow up as long as they have you for a father."
3101,9,1,9,"(Lily leans into Marshall's open arm, Marshall kisses Lily on the top of her head)"
3102,9,1,9,"Lily: Gosh, I hope you're the father. Just a little joke to lighten up the mood."
3103,9,1,9,Marshall: What does it say? Lily: I'm afraid to look.
3104,9,1,9,Pete: (yelling from outside cell) It's negative.
3105,9,1,9,Lily: Thank God.
3106,9,1,9,(Lily and Marshall hug)
3107,9,1,9,Lily: (to Pete) And hey!
3108,9,1,9,INT. LUSTY LEOPARD
3109,9,1,9,(Robin and Ted talking)
3110,9,1,9,Robin: Ted. Are you listening? You're a good guy.
3111,9,1,9,"Ted: You wanna know why I have to work tomorrow? My firm's designing an executive lounge for a tobacco company. In the fight against cancer, I'm on the side of cancer."
3112,9,1,9,"(Barney walks over to Ted and Robin, homeless guy follows him)"
3113,9,1,9,"Barney: OK, Ted, I found a way for you to help someone, to do some good. This is Walter, and Walter is homeless. And Walter would like a lap dance."
3114,9,1,9,Ted: Are you joking?
3115,9,1,9,Barney: I never joke about the sublime art of burlesque entertainment.
3116,9,1,9,"Ted: No, Barney, that's insane. Sir, would you like me to buy you a ticket to the buffet."
3117,9,1,9,"Walter: No, I'm stuffed. Just a lap dance would be fine."
3118,9,1,9,"Barney: Ted, Walter's been to three shelter dinners. You know where he hasn't been? To heaven with Samantha. Look, it's the one chance you've had all day to help someone in need. Now buy this man a lap dance."
3119,9,1,9,Robin: You said you wanted to see the joy in someone's eyes.
3120,9,1,9,"Ted: You know, I don't think I'm gonna watch."
3121,9,1,9,"Ted: Here you go, Walter. Happy Thanksgiving."
3122,9,1,9,(Ted gives money to dancer)
3123,9,1,9,"Walter: Thank you so much. No really, thank you."
3124,9,1,9,"Ted: Happy Thanksgiving, guys."
3125,9,1,9,Robin: Thanksgiving in November. Weird.
3126,9,1,9,"(scenes of Ericksen Thanksgiving dinner and Ted, Robin and Barney's Thanksgiving at the Lusty Leopard)"
3127,9,1,9,"Future Ted VO: So that was Thanksgiving 2005. To be honest, it didn't go great. But like has plenty of good parts. It's the rough parts that make you thankful that you have people to share it with."
3128,9,1,9,INT. LUSTY LEOPARD
3129,9,1,9,"(Ted at buffet line, dancer approaches him)"
3130,9,1,9,"Dancer: Hey, I saw what you did for that guy? It was really sweet. Do you wanna dance?"
3131,9,1,9,"Ted: Uh, no thanks. You want some yams?"
3132,9,1,9,Dancer: No thanks. I'm Amber.
3133,9,1,9,"(Dancer extends her hand out, Ted shakes it)"
3134,9,1,9,Ted: I'm Ted.
3135,9,1,9,"Dancer: Actually, I'm Tracy."
3136,9,1,9,Ted: Still Ted.
3137,9,1,9,"Future Ted VO: And that, kids, is the true story of how I met your mother."
3138,9,1,9,INT. LIVING ROOM
3139,9,1,9,"(Year 2030, Daughter and Son sit on couch, sit up suddenly)"
3140,9,1,9,"Daughter, Son: What?!"
3141,9,1,9,Future Ted: I'm kidding.
3142,9,1,9,(Kids relax on couch again)
3143,10,1,10,EXT. NEW YORK CITY
3144,10,1,10,"Future Ted VO: Now I remember a lot of stories from back in the days before I met your mother, but there's one story I don't remember. Uncle Marshall still refers to it as the pineapple incident."
3145,10,1,10,The night started like any other. We were downstairs at the bar.
3146,10,1,10,INT. MACLAREN'S
3147,10,1,10,"(Lily, Marshall, Ted, Robin and Barney sit at booth, Carl comes over with drinks)"
3148,10,1,10,Carl: On the house.
3149,10,1,10,Everyone: Whoa.
3150,10,1,10,Carl: It's my own concoction. I call it the Red Dragon.
3151,10,1,10,"Everyone: Wow. Thanks, Carl."
3152,10,1,10,(Carl walks away)
3153,10,1,10,"Ted: We're not really doing shots, are we?"
3154,10,1,10,Lily: I hope not.
3155,10,1,10,"Barney: No, no."
3156,10,1,10,Lily: These look kinda like blood.
3157,10,1,10,"Marshall: OK, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before, but is there any chance that Carl is a vampire?"
3158,10,1,10,Barney: That's ridiculous.
3159,10,1,10,"Marshall: I'm serious. Think about it. He always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark."
3160,10,1,10,"Robin: Oh my God, that does describe a vampire, or you know, a bartender."
3161,10,1,10,(Everyone but Marshall laughs)
3162,10,1,10,"Robin: Well, I should go get dressed."
3163,10,1,10,"Ted: Where are you going, buddy? Hot date?"
3164,10,1,10,"Lily: I'll say, she's going out with a billionaire."
3165,10,1,10,"Robin: Lily, I told you not to call him that."
3166,10,1,10,"Ted: Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire?"
3167,10,1,10,Robin: He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred millionaire. Why do people always round up?
3168,10,1,10,"Ted: So, uh, where's Thurston Howell taking you?"
3169,10,1,10,Robin: A charity dinner.
3170,10,1,10,"Lily: Yeah, $2000 a plate."
3171,10,1,10,"Robin: $1500, Stop rounding up. And it's for third world hunger."
3172,10,1,10,Barney: You gonna put out?
3173,10,1,10,(Everyone looks at Barney incredulously)
3174,10,1,10,Barney: What? There's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner and it's not so little Mutu can get his malaria pills.
3175,10,1,10,Lily: I think my soul just threw up a little bit.
3176,10,1,10,"Robin: Well, I'm gonna be late. You guys have fun. Bye."
3177,10,1,10,(Robin gets up and leaves)
3178,10,1,10,Ted: See ya.
3179,10,1,10,Lily: Bye.
3180,10,1,10,Marshall: You OK?
3181,10,1,10,"Ted: Sure, why?"
3182,10,1,10,Marshall: I don't know. Girl of your dreams dating a billionaire.
3183,10,1,10,"Ted: OK, first of all, hundred millionaire. And second, she's not the girl of my dreams. We're just friend. Look, it would not be smart if we got together. I mean, I'm looking to settle down. She's looking for..."
3184,10,1,10,"(Barney starts snoring, Ted stops talking)"
3185,10,1,10,Barney: What? You done? Great. Check out table number four. See that little hottie on the end. She's short but has an ample bosom. I love it. She's like half-boob. Let's go.
3186,10,1,10,(Barney stands up)
3187,10,1,10,"Ted: Yeah, and say what? What's our big opening line?"
3188,10,1,10,Barney: Daddy's home.
3189,10,1,10,Ted: Daddy's home?
3190,10,1,10,Barney: Yeah.
3191,10,1,10,"Ted: You want us to go over there right now and say to those girls, 'daddy's home.' Really think about that, Barney."
3192,10,1,10,"Barney: Hm. Yeah, I think it's pretty solid."
3193,10,1,10,(Barney walks away from their booth over to table four)
3194,10,1,10,"Marshall: OK, think about this, is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it?"
3195,10,1,10,Lily: Garlic fries.
3196,10,1,10,"Marshall: OK, well, I'll get back to you."
3197,10,1,10,(Barney walks back to their booth)
3198,10,1,10,"Ted: Oh, daddy's back. See, if you'd taken a moment to think about that..."
3199,10,1,10,"Barney: (holding up small yellow piece of paper) Then Daddy wouldn't have gotten this seven-digit Father's Day card from Amy, huh?"
3200,10,1,10,Ted: That worked. I hate the world.
3201,10,1,10,"Barney: Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. I'm teaching you how to do, do, do."
3202,10,1,10,Marshall: Doo-doo.
3203,10,1,10,Barney: Totally.
3204,10,1,10,"Ted: So, I think a lot. I happen to have a very powerful brain. It can't be helped."
3205,10,1,10,Barney: Oh yes it can.
3206,10,1,10,(Barney puts a shot in front of Ted)
3207,10,1,10,Marshall: Interesting
3208,10,1,10,"Barney: Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It's like the universe was saying, hey, Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool but it's your job to make him awesome. Your brain screws you up, Ted. It gets in the way. It happened with Robin, it happened with half-boob. And it's gonna keep on happening until you power down that bucket of neuroses inebriation-style."
3209,10,1,10,"Ted: So, what? You want me to do a shot."
3210,10,1,10,Barney: Oh no. I want you to do five shots.
3211,10,1,10,"Marshall: Oooh, more interesting."
3212,10,1,10,"Ted: Barney, I think you've officially..."
3213,10,1,10,"Barney: No, don't think. Do."
3214,10,1,10,"Marshall: Ted, he's right. You overthink. Maybe you should overdrink."
3215,10,1,10,"Marshall, Barney: Drink, drink, drink, drink..."
3216,10,1,10,"Ted: Ah, Lily, will you tell these guys how stupid they're being?"
3217,10,1,10,"Lily: Guys, you are being immature and moronic and drink, drink, drink"
3218,10,1,10,"Marshall, Lily, Barney: Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink..."
3219,10,1,10,(Ted takes a shot)
3220,10,1,10,"Marshall, Lily, Barney: Yes! Drink, drink, drink..."
3221,10,1,10,"Ted: Let me tell you something about this brain, OK?"
3222,10,1,10,(Ted takes second shot)
3223,10,1,10,"Marshall, Lily, Barney: Drink! Drink, drink..."
3224,10,1,10,Ted: Even alcohol cannot stop this brain.
3225,10,1,10,(Ted takes third shot)
3226,10,1,10,"Barney: I love it, I love it, I love it."
3227,10,1,10,"Marshall, Lily: Drink, drink, drink..."
3228,10,1,10,"Ted: This brain, dear mortals, is no ordinary brain."
3229,10,1,10,(Ted takes fourth shot)
3230,10,1,10,"Marshall, Lily, Barney: Drink, drink, drink, drink..."
3231,10,1,10,Ted: This is a superbrain.
3232,10,1,10,(Ted takes fifth shot)
3233,10,1,10,Ted: This brain is unstoppable. This brain...
3234,10,1,10,(screen blacks out)
3235,10,1,10,"Future Ted VO: And that's all I remember, except for a few hazy memories."
3236,10,1,10,"(black screen with white swirls spinning around and fire on the side, pineapple spins around, the words, ""I am Ted, please call"" spin around)"
3237,10,1,10,"Future Ted VO: But really, the next thing I remember is waking up the following morning."
3238,10,1,10,INT. TED'S BEDROOM
3239,10,1,10,"(Ted lying in bed rolls over to his right side to see pineapple on his bedside table, gets up slightly looking surprised, rubs side of head and gets up and notices girl sleeping next to him on other side)"
3240,10,1,10,"Future Ted VO: So, there were some unanswered questions."
3241,10,1,10,(Ted sits up in bed and puts on some sweatpants)
3242,10,1,10,Future Ted VO: How much did I drink? How did I sprain my ankle?
3243,10,1,10,(Ted gets up and grabs left ankle in pain)
3244,10,1,10,Future Ted VO: And who was this girl in my bed?
3245,10,1,10,INT. APARTMENT
3246,10,1,10,"(Lily and Marshall sitting in living room area, Ted walks in from his room) Lily: There's our rock star"
3247,10,1,10,"Ted: OK, what the hell happened last night?"
3248,10,1,10,"Marshall: You really don't remember, Superbrain?"
3249,10,1,10,"Future Ted VO: So, Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily filled me in."
3250,10,1,10,"(flashback to previous evening at bar, Marshall, Lily, Barney and Ted sit at booth, Carl walks over)"
3251,10,1,10,Carl: And how did you guys like the shots?
3252,10,1,10,"Ted: I drank all five, bitch."
3253,10,1,10,Marshall: (laughing) I love drunk Ted.
3254,10,1,10,Ted: Marshall thinks you're a vampire.
3255,10,1,10,(Marshall laughs and then gives Ted a stern look)
3256,10,1,10,"Carl: If he pukes, one of you guys cleans it up."
3257,10,1,10,(Carl walks away)
3258,10,1,10,Lily: No dibs. (Lily puts index finger on her nose)
3259,10,1,10,Marshall: Oh. (Marshall puts index finger on his nose)
3260,10,1,10,(Barney moves top put his index finger on his nose)
3261,10,1,10,Barney: No....Dammit.
3262,10,1,10,Ted: How quickly you all forget. I haven't puked since high school. I am vomit-free since ninety-three. Vomit free since ninety-three. That's funny. I'm funny.
3263,10,1,10,(Ted gets his cell phone out)
3264,10,1,10,Lily: Who are you calling?
3265,10,1,10,Ted: Robin.
3266,10,1,10,"Marshall: Oh, bad idea."
3267,10,1,10,"Barney: No, no, that's a great idea. That's the whole point of getting drunk. You do things you would never do in a million years if you were sober."
3268,10,1,10,Lily: Says every girl you've ever slept with.
3269,10,1,10,(Lily puts her hand up for a high-five from Barney)
3270,10,1,10,Marshall: (pointing to Lily) Say what?!
3271,10,1,10,"(Barney shakes his head, Lily puts her hand down)"
3272,10,1,10,"Ted: Hello Robin, it's Ted."
3273,10,1,10,"(Robin sitting in back of limo dressed up, talking on phone with Ted)"
3274,10,1,10,Robin: Oh hi Ted.
3275,10,1,10,(Ted on phone)
3276,10,1,10,"Ted: Hello Robin, it's Ted."
3277,10,1,10,(Robin on phone)
3278,10,1,10,Robin: Hi Ted. Sounds like you're having fun.
3279,10,1,10,Ted on phone)
3280,10,1,10,"Ted: Robin, have I ever told you that I'm vomit-free since ninety-three?"
3281,10,1,10,(Robin on phone)
3282,10,1,10,"Robin: Listen, Ted, I can't really talk right... '93? Dude, that's impressive."
3283,10,1,10,(Ted on phone)
3284,10,1,10,"Ted: I don't say this enough, but you're a great woman, and a great reporter. You should be on 60 Minutes. You should be one of the minutes."
3285,10,1,10,(Robin on phone)
3286,10,1,10,Robin: That's sweet and odd. But I'm kinda on a date right now.
3287,10,1,10,(Ted on phone)
3288,10,1,10,"Ted: Yeah, and I disagree with Barney. Just 'cause this guy is spending a lot of money doesn't mean you have to put out. Take it slow, Robin, take it slow. Slow."
3289,10,1,10,(Robin on phone)
3290,10,1,10,Robin: Bye Ted.
3291,10,1,10,(Ted on phone)
3292,10,1,10,Ted: Slow.
3293,10,1,10,(Lily takes away Ted's phone)
3294,10,1,10,"Marshall: Wow, right, that's why we don't do shots."
3295,10,1,10,Lily: Friends don't let friends drink and dial.
3296,10,1,10,Ted: I need that phone back.
3297,10,1,10,Lily: You'll get this back at the end of class.
3298,10,1,10,"Barney: Ding, class dismissed. Here you go, kid, you call whoever you want."
3299,10,1,10,(Barney takes phone from Lily and returns it to Ted)
3300,10,1,10,Ted: Thank you kind sir. At least someone appreciates the fact that I'm doing and not thinking. And now I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom.
3301,10,1,10,(Ted walks away)
3302,10,1,10,"Lily: Was that necessary? He is not making smart decisions. Barney: Exactly. It's like, what's he gonna do next. I don't know, but I want to find out."
3303,10,1,10,"(Cheap Trick's ""Voices"" starts playing on the jukebox)"
3304,10,1,10,Marshall: Cheap Trick? Oh Ted.
3305,10,1,10,"(Robin in car, her phone rings, she answers)"
3306,10,1,10,"Robin: Hello again, Ted."
3307,10,1,10,(Ted on phone singing along with jukebox)
3308,10,1,10,"Ted: Hey, it's me again."
3309,10,1,10,(Robin on phone smiles)
3310,10,1,10,Ted: (singing along with jukebox) Plain to see again.
3311,10,1,10,(Ted jumps up on table)
3312,10,1,10,Ted: (singing along with jukebox) Please can I see you every day?
3313,10,1,10,Ted: (yelling to everyone in bar) I love everyone in this bar.
3314,10,1,10,"Marshall: And we love you, drunk Ted."
3315,10,1,10,Ted: (singing along with jukebox) I'm a fool again.
3316,10,1,10,(Robin in car on phone with mouth wide open)
3317,10,1,10,Ted: (singing along with jukebox) I fell in love...
3318,10,1,10,(Ted falls off table)
3319,10,1,10,(Robin on phone)
3320,10,1,10,Robin: Ted?
3321,10,1,10,(back to present scene in apartment)
3322,10,1,10,"Ted: Well, that explains the ankle."
3323,10,1,10,Lily: And then we brought you home and put you to bed.
3324,10,1,10,Ted: Was there anyone else in there with me?
3325,10,1,10,"(Lily and Marshall get up and run over to Ted's bedroom door, Ted limps behind them, Lily opens door and she and Marshall peek in room to see girl lying on bed, Lily closes the door)"
3326,10,1,10,Lily: There's a girl in there.
3327,10,1,10,Ted: I know.
3328,10,1,10,Marshall: And a pineapple.
3329,10,1,10,Ted: I know.
3330,10,1,10,Lily: Who is she?
3331,10,1,10,Ted: I don't know.
3332,10,1,10,(Ted sees his jacket burnt)
3333,10,1,10,Ted: What the hell happened to my jacket? Marshall: Whoa.
3334,10,1,10,"Lily: That girl in there is alive, right? Ted: I should call Barney, maybe he knows what happened."
3335,10,1,10,"(Marshall gets his phone out of his pocket and dials and gives to Ted, sound of phone ringing from bathroom, Lily, Ted and Marshall walk into the bathroom, Lily pulls curtain aside to find Barney lying in the tub)"
3336,10,1,10,Barney: Hello.
3337,10,1,10,Ted: Why are you sleeping in our tub?
3338,10,1,10,Barney: The porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling.
3339,10,1,10,"Lily: Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night?"
3340,10,1,10,"Barney: Don't worry, I slept through it. (laughs) I totally didn't sleep through it. For a little girl, you've got a big tank."
3341,10,1,10,Marshall: How did you get in here anyway? We put Ted to bed around one.
3342,10,1,10,"Barney: Oh, you put Ted to bed all right."
3343,10,1,10,(flashback to Marshall and Lily putting Ted to bed)
3344,10,1,10,Ted: You guys take care of me. You guys are the best. I love you guys so much.
3345,10,1,10,"Lily: Good night, Ted."
3346,10,1,10,"Marshall: Love you too, buddy."
3347,10,1,10,"(Lily turns out light, Marshall and Lily leave Ted's bedroom and close door, Ted asleep on his bed)"
3348,10,1,10,(Ted enters MacLaren's)
3349,10,1,10,Ted: I'm back baby doll!
3350,10,1,10,"Barney: Hey, hey hey hey, he rallies. And the night begins now."
3351,10,1,10,(Barney and Ted high-five)
3352,10,1,10,"Barney: All right, game face on. Carl, two more. All right, all right, what do we think of this one?"
3353,10,1,10,Ted: I think....
3354,10,1,10,"Barney: Ehhh! Trick question, no thinking. You know what time it is? It's do o'clock. Let's ride."
3355,10,1,10,Ted: Bring it.
3356,10,1,10,"(Barney walks over to table and sits down next to girl, Ted walks in another direction)"
3357,10,1,10,Barney: Have you met Ted?
3358,10,1,10,"(Barney gestures behind him and finds that Ted's not there, sees Ted standing by jukebox with his phone) Barney: Excuse me."
3359,10,1,10,(Barney walks over to Ted)
3360,10,1,10,Barney: You're calling Robin.
3361,10,1,10,Ted: I'm calling Robin.
3362,10,1,10,"Barney: Ted, as your mentor and spiritual guide, I forbid you from calling her."
3363,10,1,10,Ted: Oh yeah? What you gonna do?
3364,10,1,10,"Barney: If you complete that call, I will set your coat on fire."
3365,10,1,10,Ted: You're bluffing.
3366,10,1,10,(Ted completes call to Robin)
3367,10,1,10,"Ted: Hello, Robin, it's Ted."
3368,10,1,10,"(Robin at dinner, answers phone)"
3369,10,1,10,"Robin: Ted, for the last time, stop."
3370,10,1,10,(Robin hears Ted screaming)
3371,10,1,10,Robin: Ted!
3372,10,1,10,"(back to present scene at apartment, Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall sit around living room)"
3373,10,1,10,Ted: You set me on fire.
3374,10,1,10,"Barney: Real suede wouldn't have gone up so fast. You got robbed, this is a blend."
3375,10,1,10,Ted: You set me on fire. And who's the girl in my bed?
3376,10,1,10,"(Barney looks at Lily and Marshall and Ted, stumbles over to Ted's room and peeks in, closes door and stumbles back to living room) Barney: There's a girl in your bed."
3377,10,1,10,Marshall: And a pineapple. Am I the only one who's curious about the pineapple?
3378,10,1,10,Barney: Who is she?
3379,10,1,10,Ted: I have no idea.
3380,10,1,10,Barney: Nice.
3381,10,1,10,Ted: You really don't know who that is?
3382,10,1,10,"Barney: No, after I hosed you down with a beverage gun, I brought you back here."
3383,10,1,10,Ted: I better not have gotten burned.
3384,10,1,10,"(Ted pulls up sleeves to check his skin, notices writing on his right arm)"
3385,10,1,10,Ted: Did any of you write that?
3386,10,1,10,"Lily: (reading what's on Ted's arm) Hi, I'm Ted, if lost, please call...Who's number is that?"
3387,10,1,10,Ted: I don't know.
3388,10,1,10,"Marshall: Dude, call it. Hold on, I'm gonna make some popcorn."
3389,10,1,10,(Marshall runs to kitchen)
3390,10,1,10,(Marshall runs back from kitchen with bowl of popcorn)
3391,10,1,10,"Marshall: OK, you can call now. God, this is intense, I love it."
3392,10,1,10,(Ted calls number on arm)
3393,10,1,10,Guy: Hello.
3394,10,1,10,"Ted: Uh, hi, who is this?"
3395,10,1,10,"Guy: You called me, who's this?"
3396,10,1,10,Ted: It's Ted.
3397,10,1,10,
3398,10,1,10,INT. MACLAREN'S
3399,10,1,10,(Carl on phone)
3400,10,1,10,"Carl: It's Carl, from the bar."
3401,10,1,10,INT. APARTMENT
3402,10,1,10,(Ted on phone)
3403,10,1,10,Future Ted VO: And then Carl filled us in.
3404,10,1,10,(flashback to Barney putting Ted to bed)
3405,10,1,10,"Ted: Barney, you've always taken care of me. You are a gentleman and a scholar. Go into my stable and take my finest stallion. He's yours, his name is Windjammer."
3406,10,1,10,(Ted lies down)
3407,10,1,10,"Barney: Sleep it off, bra."
3408,10,1,10,(Barney turns off light and closes down behind him)
3409,10,1,10,(Ted enters MacLaren's)
3410,10,1,10,"Ted: I'm back, baby doll! Ted: And I am gonna throw up."
3411,10,1,10,(Ted walks over to bathroom)
3412,10,1,10,(back to present scene)
3413,10,1,10,"Ted: I threw up? My streak is over. Vomit-free since '05 doesn't sound good. Sorry, Carl, go on."
3414,10,1,10,(flashback to Ted talking to Carl at bar)
3415,10,1,10,"Ted: Carl, did you know the word karaoke is Japanese for empty orchestra? Isn't that hauntingly beautiful? Are you a vampire? Carl: I am cutting you off. Go home and get some sleep, Ted."
3416,10,1,10,"Ted: Yeah, sun's gonna come up soon. Wouldn't want to be around for that, would we?"
3417,10,1,10,"Ted: Hey, how easy do you think it'll be to sneak into the zoo? I have to see some penguins, like right now."
3418,10,1,10,Carl: Give me your arm.
3419,10,1,10,(Ted puts arm on bar)
3420,10,1,10,"Carl: This way, if you pass out in the gutter..."
3421,10,1,10,"(Carl writs on Ted's arm, Ted starts laughing)"
3422,10,1,10,Ted: That tickles.
3423,10,1,10,Carl: Someone will call me and I will come get you.
3424,10,1,10,"Ted: Thanks Carl. We can't just be friends, we're attracted to each other and we both know it."
3425,10,1,10,Carl: Excuse me?
3426,10,1,10,"Ted: Me and Robin. Me and Robin, I have to make one more call."
3427,10,1,10,(Ted makes call on his cell phone)
3428,10,1,10,"Carl: Yeah, this'll go good."
3429,10,1,10,"Ted: Hey, it's me again. Look, who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. We're young, we're drunk, half of us anyway. And we only get one life, so shy don't you come over to my apartment and we'll think of something stupid to do together? Really? Great. Wait, really? Great."
3430,10,1,10,(back to present scene)
3431,10,1,10,Ted: Thanks Carl.
3432,10,1,10,Ted: It's Robin. That's Robin in there.
3433,10,1,10,Marshall: Did you guys?
3434,10,1,10,(Barney puts up hand for high-five)
3435,10,1,10,"Barney: Oh come on. You've gotta give me this one. Those five shots got you farther with Robin than your brain ever did. See what happens when you don't think? You do! More importantly, you do Robin. Come on."
3436,10,1,10,(Ted high-fives Barney)
3437,10,1,10,"Lily: All right, right over here."
3438,10,1,10,(Lily and Ted high-five)
3439,10,1,10,"Ted: Still, what does this mean? Are we dating now? I mean, I never pictured it going down this way, but maybe that's how it had to happen. I mean, think about it..."
3440,10,1,10,"Barney: Someone get him a shot, he's thinking again."
3441,10,1,10,"Marshall: Maybe it's not such a bad idea to think about this one. You and Robin went down this road before, you got dinged up pretty bad."
3442,10,1,10,Lily: You know who might have something to say about Ted's future with Robin? Robin. Go wake her up.
3443,10,1,10,Ted: Wake her up and say what?
3444,10,1,10,Barney: Daddy's home.
3445,10,1,10,(Ted limps over to his room)
3446,10,1,10,Marshall: Good luck buddy.
3447,10,1,10,INT. TED'S BEDROOM
3448,10,1,10,"(Ted limps in, phone rings, Ted hurriedly answers it)"
3449,10,1,10,Ted: Hello.
3450,10,1,10,(Robin in cab on phone)
3451,10,1,10,"Robin: Ted, it's Robin."
3452,10,1,10,"(Ted looks at girl lying in bed then looks at phone then back to girl, puts phone back to his ear)"
3453,10,1,10,Ted: Are you sure?
3454,10,1,10,INT. APARTMENT
3455,10,1,10,(Ted closes bedroom door behind him and walks over to living room)
3456,10,1,10,"Ted: Hey, Robin, how are you?"
3457,10,1,10,"(Lily, Barney and Marshall look at each other)"
3458,10,1,10,"(screen splits in two with living room scene on top half of screen, Robin in cab on phone on bottom half)"
3459,10,1,10,"Robin: Ted, I think you and I should have a talk about those phone calls last night. Do you mind if I swing by?"
3460,10,1,10,"(While Robin is talking, Lily, Barney, Marshall and Ted whisper to each other about girl in bed)"
3461,10,1,10,Marshall: Ask her about the pineapple.
3462,10,1,10,"Ted: Yeah, sure, come on over."
3463,10,1,10,Robin: Thanks.
3464,10,1,10,"(Robin hangs up phone, full screen of apartment scene)"
3465,10,1,10,"Ted: No, wait, don't, no."
3466,10,1,10,(Ted hangs up phone)
3467,10,1,10,Ted: She's coming over. Crap.
3468,10,1,10,"Lily: Wait, this is killing me. We have to find out who that girl is."
3469,10,1,10,(Trudy walks into the living room)
3470,10,1,10,Trudy: Trudy. My name is Trudy.
3471,10,1,10,Future Ted VO: And then Trudy filled us in.
3472,10,1,10,"(flashback to previous evening at bar, Trudy sitting at booth with three girlfriends)"
3473,10,1,10,Trudy's friend: I'm just surprised you didn't dump him sooner.
3474,10,1,10,"Trudy: I know, it's two years of my life I'm never getting back. A little part of me just wants to jump the bones of the next guy I see."
3475,10,1,10,(Barney walks over)
3476,10,1,10,Barney: Daddy's home.
3477,10,1,10,Trudy: Or the one after that.
3478,10,1,10,"Barney: OK, fair enough. I've got to prove a point to a friend, so you just gave me your number and your name is Amy."
3479,10,1,10,"(Barney takes out yellow paper and pen from inside jacket pocket, scribbles on paper)"
3480,10,1,10,Barney: Ladies.
3481,10,1,10,(Barney puts pen back in his pocket and walks away)
3482,10,1,10,(flash forward to Ted standing on table while singing)
3483,10,1,10,Ted: I love everyone in this bar.
3484,10,1,10,Trudy's friend: Look at that idiot go.
3485,10,1,10,Trudy: He's kinda cute.
3486,10,1,10,(Ted falls down and Trudy and her friends laugh)
3487,10,1,10,"(flash forward to Trudy washing her hands in the ladies room, Ted walks out of stall)"
3488,10,1,10,"Ted: What are you doing in the men's room? What am I doing in the ladies' room? Oh right, I came in here 'cause I thought I was gonna throw up."
3489,10,1,10,Trudy: Did you?
3490,10,1,10,Ted: I did not.
3491,10,1,10,(back to present scene)
3492,10,1,10,Ted: And the streak continues. Vomit-free since '93.
3493,10,1,10,(Ted and Marshall high-five)
3494,10,1,10,"Ted: Sorry, Trudy, go on."
3495,10,1,10,(flashback to Trudy and Ted in ladies room)
3496,10,1,10,Trudy: I liked your performance.
3497,10,1,10,Ted: What? The karaoke? Domo arigato.
3498,10,1,10,"Trudy: I wish I had your guts, getting up and making a complete idiot of myself."
3499,10,1,10,Ted: Do it.
3500,10,1,10,"Trudy: I don't know. Still, I've had a pretty serious week. I could sure stand to do something stupid."
3501,10,1,10,"Ted: I'm something stupid, do me."
3502,10,1,10,Trudy: You're funny.
3503,10,1,10,"Ted: Hey, can I call you sometime? Trudy: OK."
3504,10,1,10,"(Ted gets his phone out) Trudy: Here, let me."
3505,10,1,10,(Trudy takes it and puts her phone number in)
3506,10,1,10,Ted: Why do they call it karaoke anyhow? Was it invented by a woman named Carrie Okie? These are the kinds of things I think about. Trudy: Karaoke is Japanese for empty orchestra.
3507,10,1,10,Ted: That's hauntingly beautiful.
3508,10,1,10,(Ted presses send and Trudy's phone rings)
3509,10,1,10,"Ted: Hey, it works."
3510,10,1,10,Trudy: Then I guess you're gonna have to call me.
3511,10,1,10,(Trudy walks out of ladies room)
3512,10,1,10,(flash forward to Ted and Carl talking at bar)
3513,10,1,10,Ted: I need to make one more call.
3514,10,1,10,"(Ted gets phone out, cut to Trudy sitting in back of cab, her phone rings and she answers)"
3515,10,1,10,Trudy: Hello.
3516,10,1,10,"(screen divides into two with Trudy talking on phone on left side, Ted on phone on right side)"
3517,10,1,10,"Ted: Hey, it's me again."
3518,10,1,10,Trudy: Hey.
3519,10,1,10,"Ted: Look, who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. We're young, we're drunk, half of us anyway. And we only get one life."
3520,10,1,10,"(back to present scene, Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall listen to Trudy telling story in living room)"
3521,10,1,10,"Trudy: So I came over here. And now I'm really, really embarrassed."
3522,10,1,10,"Marshall: Dammit, Trudy, what about the pineapple? Sorry."
3523,10,1,10,(knock on door)
3524,10,1,10,"Ted: Uh, Robin's here. Um, look, Trudy, I need you to hide in my bedroom."
3525,10,1,10,(Ted grabs Trudy's hand and drags her to his room)
3526,10,1,10,"Trudy: Why, is that your girlfriend?"
3527,10,1,10,"Ted: No, that's not my girlfriend. Look, it's complicated."
3528,10,1,10,"Trudy: You're married. Yeah, I can't believe I did this."
3529,10,1,10,"Ted: No, I'm not married. Um, I'll explain after you hide."
3530,10,1,10,"(Trudy goes into Ted's room, Ted goes over and opens front door)"
3531,10,1,10,Ted: Hi.
3532,10,1,10,Robin: Hey guys.
3533,10,1,10,Barney: Robin.
3534,10,1,10,Lily: Hi Robin.
3535,10,1,10,Barney: Top of the morning.
3536,10,1,10,"Ted: Um, sorry I kept calling you like that. I was very drunk."
3537,10,1,10,"Robin: No kidding. Those calls were really weird. Look, Ted, maybe we need to talk."
3538,10,1,10,Lily: Let's go get a snack.
3539,10,1,10,(Lily stands up)
3540,10,1,10,Marshall: I love to snack.
3541,10,1,10,(Marshall stands up)
3542,10,1,10,Barney: I'm good.
3543,10,1,10,"(Lily pulls Barney up, Marshall, Lily and Barney walk over to kitchen)"
3544,10,1,10,"Ted: Come on, those calls weren't that weird."
3545,10,1,10,"(Robin clears her throat, gets her phone out of her purse, presses button and phone replays Ted's call to Robin)"
3546,10,1,10,"Ted: (recording form phone) Robin! Come hang out! OK, I'm gonna make this sound until you come hang out."
3547,10,1,10,(Ted makes weird sound)
3548,10,1,10,Robin: That goes on for three-and a half minutes.
3549,10,1,10,Ted: Without a breath? That's gotta be some kind of record.
3550,10,1,10,"Robin: Ted, you can't do this. Please, we're to be friends and now you're making it all confusing."
3551,10,1,10,"Ted: No I'm not. Look, I just turned off my brain for the night. Nothing's changed, you've moved on, I've moved on."
3552,10,1,10,"Robin: Really, you moved on?"
3553,10,1,10,"Ted: Yes. What, you don't believe me?"
3554,10,1,10,(Robin exhales)
3555,10,1,10,"Ted: Oh, OK."
3556,10,1,10,(Ted limps over to his room)
3557,10,1,10,"Ted: Trudy, come on out."
3558,10,1,10,(Ted points to Robin) Ted: You are gonna laugh.
3559,10,1,10,"Robin: Wait, you were with someone last night? Ted: Yeah, Trudy, she's cool."
3560,10,1,10,(Ted knocks on his bedroom door)
3561,10,1,10,"Ted: Trudy, come on out."
3562,10,1,10,(Robin walks over to Ted)
3563,10,1,10,"Ted: Seriously, it's OK. This is so Trudy. She's really shy, I think."
3564,10,1,10,(Ted opens door)
3565,10,1,10,Ted: Trudy?
3566,10,1,10,INT. TED'S BEDROOM
3567,10,1,10,"(Ted and Robin enter to find room empty, Robin walks over to pineapple)"
3568,10,1,10,"Robin: Hi Trudy, I'm Robin. It's nice to meet you. You're right, she is shy."
3569,10,1,10,Ted: I'm not making this up. She must have climbed out the fire escape.
3570,10,1,10,(Robin looks at Ted incredulously)
3571,10,1,10,"Ted: Whatever, whatever. I don't care what you think."
3572,10,1,10,"Robin: Then why did you hide her from me? Ted: Wow, you're good. Did anyone ever tell you you should be on 60 Minutes?"
3573,10,1,10,"Robin: Yes, you did, last night."
3574,10,1,10,Ted: Really? Well.
3575,10,1,10,"Robin: Get some sleep, Ted. You had a long night. And don't feel bad, I've woken up with worse."
3576,10,1,10,"(Robin walks out of his room, Ted sits down on bed and lies back)"
3577,10,1,10,"Future Ted VO: I left Trudy a message but she never called me back. That's just how life works sometimes. You turn off your brain for a night, and all you're left with is a bad hangover, a sprained ankle."
3578,10,1,10,(Ted looks at pineapple)
3579,10,1,10,INT. APARTMENT
3580,10,1,10,"(Barney, Robin, Lily, Ted and Marshall sit around table eating pineapple)"
3581,10,1,10,"Future Ted VO: Oh, and we never found out where that pineapple came from, but it was delicious."
3582,11,1,11,"Ted from 2030: Kids, the thing about New Year's Eve is that it sucks. Sure, it looks great on TV, but in reality, it's always just a big let down, but in 2005, I attempted to do the impossible, to give my friends a great New Year's Eve. I had an idea of how to do it, too. And all it cost was half my Christmas bonus."
3583,11,1,11,"Ted: Yeah, that's right...a limo."
3584,11,1,11,[3 hours before midnight]
3585,11,1,11,"Robin: Oh, man, Ted, this is great."
3586,11,1,11,"Ted: Okay, people, let's talk strategy. Last new years, we went our separate ways, and it sucked. This year we party together or not at all. Now, I sifted through your party submission and I narrowed them down to these five."
3587,11,1,11,Barney: Question?
3588,11,1,11,"Ted: Yes, Barney, your submissions were received and no, we will not be attending any parties in your pants."
3589,11,1,11,"Barney: But you enjoyed the e-vite, right? Thas an actual picture of my pants."
3590,11,1,11,Lily: Yeah.
3591,11,1,11,"Ted: We will hit all five parties before midnight, and then narrow them down to one, the most awesome party in New York City and that is where we will ring, nay rock, in the new year."
3592,11,1,11,"Lily: All right, and party number one that's where we get to meet Mary Beth?"
3593,11,1,11,Robin: Mary Beth?
3594,11,1,11,"Ted: Oh, she works in my office. She seems like she might be into me. She's always finding reasons to hug me. So tonight..."
3595,11,1,11,"Barney: People often ask me ""Barney, how is it that you're so psyched so much of the time?"""
3596,11,1,11,Lily: By who? Who asks you that?
3597,11,1,11,"Barney: And the answer is right here... my own, personal ""get psyched"" mix. Now, people often think a good mix should rise and fall, but people are wrong. It should be all rise, baby. Now prepare yourselves for an audio journey into the white-hot center of adrenaline. Bam."
3598,11,1,11,Lily: It's working.
3599,11,1,11,Ted: I am definitely getting psyched.
3600,11,1,11,"Marshall: Oh, God. I'm reaching dangerous levels of psychage. Must do robot."
3601,11,1,11,Barney: Let's do this!
3602,11,1,11,"Ted: Yes! Let's! Oh, driver?"
3603,11,1,11,"Barney: Ranjit! Dude, you're driving a limo now. That's awesome."
3604,11,1,11,Ranjit: I've moved up in the world.
3605,11,1,11,Robin: How do you guys know each other?
3606,11,1,11,"Ted: Oh, we rode in his cab one time. It's a long story."
3607,11,1,11,"Barney: Hey, what are we waiting for? We got five parties to hit, and three hours to do it."
3608,11,1,11,"Robin: Oh, I wish I could come with you guys but Derek should be coming by any minute to pick me up."
3609,11,1,11,"Ted from 2030: Oh, yeah, Robin was spending New Year's with her boyfriend, Derek. Derek. He was like rich, successful, handsome. I hated that guy."
3610,11,1,11,"Robin: Oh, I'll miss you guys. Have fun."
3611,11,1,11,Lily: Bye.
3612,11,1,11,Ted: See ya next year. Go get 'em.
3613,11,1,11,"Lily: Well, this kind of sucks."
3614,11,1,11,"Ted: Okay, nobody get down. We knew this going in. We're a man down. That just means we're gonna have to party that much harder. Ranjit! Party number one."
3615,11,1,11,Ranjit: Party number one!
3616,11,1,11,Barney: Party number one!
3617,11,1,11,[2H30 before midnight]
3618,11,1,11,"Marshall: I can't believe we're leaving a party that had pigs in blankets. If you think we can beat that, you got some brass ones."
3619,11,1,11,"Ted: Hey, we've got four more parties to hit. If party number one turns out to be the best, we'll just limo on back to it."
3620,11,1,11,"Lily: We didn't really get a chance to meet. I'm Lily, and this is my fiance, Marshall."
3621,11,1,11,Mary Beth: Hi. Mary Beth. So great to meet you guys.
3622,11,1,11,Marshall: My word.
3623,11,1,11,"Lily: You're, you're friendly."
3624,11,1,11,Mary Beth: American party friends of Barney's.
3625,11,1,11,"Lily: Oh, no."
3626,11,1,11,"Ted: So, Barney, who's your new friend?"
3627,11,1,11,Barney: Natalya.
3628,11,1,11,"Natalya: Oh, friendly."
3629,11,1,11,"Lily: So, where are you from, Natalya?"
3630,11,1,11,Barney: She... Who knows? The former Soviet Republic of Drunk-Off-Her-Ass-Istan?
3631,11,1,11,"Natalya: Super-drunk-fantastic, huh?"
3632,11,1,11,Barney: Isn't she awesome?
3633,11,1,11,"Marshall: How are your feet doing, baby?"
3634,11,1,11,"Lily: Okay, I love these shoes, but the pain-to-hotness ratio is pretty steep. Can we swing by the apartment, so I can change?"
3635,11,1,11,"Ted: Come on, Lily, we have a tightly scheduled evening of awesomeness ahead of us. I need you to power through the pain."
3636,11,1,11,"Lily: Okay, Ted, but these dogs are really barking."
3637,11,1,11,"Barney: It's true. I can hear them. What's that, little boys? What's that? You wanna go for a... rock?"
3638,11,1,11,Ted: Ranjit! Party number two.
3639,11,1,11,Ranjit: Party number two.
3640,11,1,11,[1h55 before midnight]
3641,11,1,11,Ted: Party number two? Not so good.
3642,11,1,11,Marshall: Let's go back to party number one.
3643,11,1,11,"Ted: No, no turning back. Ranjit, party number three."
3644,11,1,11,Ranjit: Party number three. Yeah.
3645,11,1,11,"Barney: Oh, wait, wait, wait. We have to turn around. We left Natalya."
3646,11,1,11,"Lily: Barney, none of us really liked her."
3647,11,1,11,Barney: What?!
3648,11,1,11,Lily: Sorry.
3649,11,1,11,"Barney: Oh, very nice, Lily. You know, she is a guest in this country. So while you may chose to turn your back on her, I choose to turn my front on her. What up?"
3650,11,1,11,Ted: I'm sorry about Barney.
3651,11,1,11,"Mary Beth: No, I'm having a great time. I'm really glad that you asked me out tonight."
3652,11,1,11,"Ted: Me, too. (Ted's phone starts ringing) Hey, Robin."
3653,11,1,11,"Robin: Ted, Derek stood me up."
3654,11,1,11,"Ted from 2030: Pfft. Derek. Now, we had a tight schedule to keep that night and I was already on a date with another girl. But... it was Robin."
3655,11,1,11,"Ted: Ranjit, turn it around."
3656,11,1,11,[1h38 before midnight]
3657,11,1,11,"Robin: Oh, God, I'm so sorry about this. You guys had your schedule and I screwed it all up."
3658,11,1,11,"Ted: No, this is perfect. It's meant to be. We're all back together."
3659,11,1,11,Lily: What happened?
3660,11,1,11,Robin: Derek's stuck in Connecticut closing some deal. Who works on New Year's Eve? Okay. Now I feel worse. I was really looking forward to this night. This sucks.
3661,11,1,11,(Barney puts the music on)
3662,11,1,11,"Marshall: Oh, dude, not now!"
3663,11,1,11,Barney: What? She needs to get psyched. Fine.
3664,11,1,11,(Barney stops the music)
3665,11,1,11,Robin: Maybe I should just go home.
3666,11,1,11,(Barney puts the music back on)
3667,11,1,11,Barney: My finger slipped.
3668,11,1,11,(He stops the music one more time)
3669,11,1,11,"Ted: Look, Robin, you're not going home. Come on, it's New Year's Eve. Look, so your date fell through. So what? What do you need a date for? Someone to kiss at midnight? Fine. I'll kiss you at... a little bit after midnight."
3670,11,1,11,"Robin: Hi, I'm Robin."
3671,11,1,11,Mary Beth: Mary Beth.
3672,11,1,11,Robin: You're friendly. I haven't eaten dinner yet. Is there anything to eat in this thing?
3673,11,1,11,"Ted: That's it. I know what you're jonesing for. Ranjit, take us to Gray's Papaya!"
3674,11,1,11,"Robin: Oh, yes. Ted, you rock."
3675,11,1,11,"Barney: We couldn't go back for Natalya, a human being, but we do have time for hot dogs?"
3676,11,1,11,"Marshall: Yeah, we like hot dogs."
3677,11,1,11,"Barney: No. No. We are already behind schedule. Ted, come on. We have an hour and a half before midnight I don't want to be kissing Ranjit."
3678,11,1,11,Ranjit: You don't know what you're missing.
3679,11,1,11,"Ted: Come on, it's only a 20-minute detour."
3680,11,1,11,"Lily: Which is exactly how much time I need. Ranjit, stop the car."
3681,11,1,11,Ranjit: Stopping the car.
3682,11,1,11,"Marshall: Wait. Baby, what are you doing?"
3683,11,1,11,Lily: I'm going home.
3684,11,1,11,Ted: What? No!
3685,11,1,11,"Lily: I can't stay in these heels any longer, I just can't. There's a cab over there. I'll just run back to the apartment and change shoes."
3686,11,1,11,Marshall: But... hot dogs.
3687,11,1,11,"Lily: Well, I know, baby, I'd love to go, but it's two against one."
3688,11,1,11,"Marshall: Okay, I'll go with you."
3689,11,1,11,"Lily: No, baby. Baby, you go with them and I'll meet you at, at... party number three."
3690,11,1,11,Marshall: Are you sure?
3691,11,1,11,"Lily: If I don't see you, happy new year."
3692,11,1,11,Marshall: Don't say that. We'll find each other. We'll find each other.
3693,11,1,11,Lily: I know we will. (Lily leaves the limo)
3694,11,1,11,Marshall: Hell of a woman. Let's go get some hot dogs!
3695,11,1,11,[1h18 before midnight]
3696,11,1,11,"Ted: Ranjit, party number three."
3697,11,1,11,Ranjit: Party number three.
3698,11,1,11,"Marshall: Oh, yeah! Look at us. Riding around in a limo. Eating hot dogs. It's like we're the president."
3699,11,1,11,Ted: Hey. I'll bet you're feeling better now.
3700,11,1,11,"Robin: Oh, so much better."
3701,11,1,11,Marshall: Guys. Is that Moby? I think that that's Moby.
3702,11,1,11,"Ted from 2030: Now, kids, Moby was a popular recording artist when I was young."
3703,11,1,11,Ted: No way.
3704,11,1,11,Robin: That's totally Moby. That's awesome.
3705,11,1,11,"Ted: Should I say something? I should say something, right? Moby! Hey, Moby!"
3706,11,1,11,"Barney: Oh, my God. He's coming over. Everybody be cool. Everybody be cool."
3707,11,1,11,Ted: Hey.
3708,11,1,11,Moby: Hello.
3709,11,1,11,"Ted: What's up? Uh, you, uh, going somewhere?"
3710,11,1,11,"Moby: Yeah, I'm just going to this party downtown."
3711,11,1,11,Ted: You want a ride?
3712,11,1,11,Moby: Sure.
3713,11,1,11,Ted: Welcome.
3714,11,1,11,Moby: Wow. You're friendly.
3715,11,1,11,"Barney: Big fan. Barney Stinson. So, uh... what about this party?"
3716,11,1,11,"Moby: It's just a New Year's thing. You know, with some friends."
3717,11,1,11,"Robin: Wow, that sounds awesome."
3718,11,1,11,Moby: You guys want to come?
3719,11,1,11,"Ted: Yeah, we'd love to."
3720,11,1,11,Moby: All right.
3721,11,1,11,"Marshall: Uh, Ted. Sidebar?"
3722,11,1,11,"Ted: Um... Moby, switch up, will you? Yeah, what's up?"
3723,11,1,11,Marshall: What about Lily?
3724,11,1,11,Ted: Call her.
3725,11,1,11,Marshall: I've been trying to call her. I can't get through. All the circuits are jammed.
3726,11,1,11,"Ted: That's New Year's Eve for you. Well, look, we'll just swing by Moby's party and then afterwards..."
3727,11,1,11,"Marshall: No, I-I can't. Lily's waiting. I gotta... I gotta find her. Okay, I'll meet you at party number three."
3728,11,1,11,Ted: But... Come on! Moby's party! Moby's party! Moby's par... Ranjit. Moby's party.
3729,11,1,11,Ranjit: Moby's party.
3730,11,1,11,"Moby: This is a cool mix. You know, people think a great mix has to rise and fall. I think it should be all rise."
3731,11,1,11,"Barney: Yes. Moby... Yeah, it should start high, get higher. This mix is my pride and joy. I never leave home without it."
3732,11,1,11,"Moby: Oh, that's how I feel about Janice here."
3733,11,1,11,Barney: Jan... Aah!
3734,11,1,11,"Moby: So then I say, ""your motorcycle was like that when I got here."""
3735,11,1,11,"Ted: You're not Moby, are you?"
3736,11,1,11,Moby: Who?
3737,11,1,11,"Robin: Moby... the recording artist, Moby."
3738,11,1,11,Moby: No.
3739,11,1,11,"Barney: But when we said, ""Hey, Moby,"" you said, ""Yeah."""
3740,11,1,11,"Not-Moby: I thought you said ""Tony."""
3741,11,1,11,Ted: So your name is Tony?
3742,11,1,11,"Not-Moby: No. Oh, hey, we're here. All right. You guys going to come in?"
3743,11,1,11,Ted: Nah.
3744,11,1,11,Not-Moby: You're sure? Come on. It's going to get nuts in there. There's this dude who owes me money.
3745,11,1,11,"Barney: No, uh, we're good. We're good. Happy New Year, Not Moby."
3746,11,1,11,"Not-Moby: Oh, hey, hey, um, be safe."
3747,11,1,11,Barney: Why did we think that guy was Moby?
3748,11,1,11,"Ted: I don't know. I see a short bald hipster, my mind goes straight to Moby."
3749,11,1,11,Barney: That's Marshall's phone. Hello.
3750,11,1,11,"Lily: Oh, Marshall, thank God I got through."
3751,11,1,11,"Barney: Hey, sexy."
3752,11,1,11,"Lily: Barney, where's Marshall?"
3753,11,1,11,Barney: He left his phone in the limo. He's out looking for you.
3754,11,1,11,Lily: What? Where?
3755,11,1,11,Barney: Party number three.
3756,11,1,11,"Lily: Well, I'm here at party number three and... Oh, my God! Guess who just walked in... Moby!"
3757,11,1,11,Barney: Moby?! She's upstairs.
3758,11,1,11,"Ted: Lily, you have to get out of there this instant. That's not Moby."
3759,11,1,11,"Lily: Uh, no, I know Moby and that's Mo... Does he have a gun?"
3760,11,1,11,"Ted: Run! Oh, my God, Not Moby's party is party number four. What are the odds?"
3761,11,1,11,(Lily comes in)
3762,11,1,11,Lily: Who was that guy?!
3763,11,1,11,"Barney: Well, we know it's not Moby and it's not Tony."
3764,11,1,11,"Ted: Ranjit, drive!"
3765,11,1,11,Ranjit: Where to?
3766,11,1,11,Ted: Party number three!
3767,11,1,11,Ranjit: Party number three!
3768,11,1,11,"Lily: No, but I was just at party number three."
3769,11,1,11,"Ted: No, no, no, no you were at party number four. You must have looked at the list wrong."
3770,11,1,11,"Barney: Well, after that rather unpsyching experience, you know what it's time for? It's time to... what? That's right, re-psych. Re-psy... Where's the...? Oh, my God! Not Moby took my ""Get Psyched"" mix!"
3771,11,1,11,"Ted: Barney, Barney, Barney, it's not worth it! Let it go. We need to get back on schedule."
3772,11,1,11,"Ranjit: Ah, nuts."
3773,11,1,11,
3774,11,1,11,[28 minutes before midnight]
3775,11,1,11,"Ted: Ranjit, are you sure I can't help?"
3776,11,1,11,"Ranjit: No. I am pissed. Ted, I don't want you to see me pissed."
3777,11,1,11,"Ted: Okay Okay, not a problem. He'll jack it up, slap on a tire and we'll be at party number three in no time."
3778,11,1,11,Lily: I wish Marshall would call. I guess the circuits are jammed.
3779,11,1,11,"Barney: Yeah, you know why all the circuits are jammed because everyone's calling their loved ones, everyone around the world. Everyone except Barney. Oh, sure, laugh. Laugh for Barney Stinson. Laugh for the sad clown trapped on his whirling carousel of suits and cigars and bimbos and booze. Round and round it goes. And where's it all heading? Nowhere."
3780,11,1,11,"Robin: Is this just 'cause you lost your ""Get Psyched"" mix?"
3781,11,1,11,Barney: I'm sorry. Am I not allowed to have a pensive side?
3782,11,1,11,"Robin: No. No, not tonight. Not in the limo. We got to stay psyched. Ted went to a lot of trouble to make this an awesome New Year's. (singing...) *Shot through the heart And you're to blame, darling*"
3783,11,1,11,Ted and Robin: *You give love a bad name*
3784,11,1,11,Ranjit: *A bad name*
3785,11,1,11,Ted and Robin: *I play my part and you played your game*
3786,11,1,11,Mary Beth: I'm going to get some air.
3787,11,1,11,"Ted and Robin: *Darling, you give love a bad name, bad name!*"
3788,11,1,11,Ted: It'll be fine. We'll be out of here in a jiff.
3789,11,1,11,"Mary Beth: Ted, I'm going to head out. My roommates are having a party not far from here."
3790,11,1,11,"Ted: No. Look, I know this night isn't turning out the way I planned, but..."
3791,11,1,11,Mary Beth: How long have you been in love with Robin?
3792,11,1,11,Ted: I'm not in love... We're just friends. Where are you getting that from?
3793,11,1,11,"Mary Beth: Ted, it's okay. I'm fine. And I can tell that she's into you, too."
3794,11,1,11,Ted: That's ridiculous. Wait. Really?
3795,11,1,11,"Mary Beth: Happy New Year, Ted."
3796,11,1,11,[19 minutes before midnight]
3797,11,1,11,Lily: I can't believe Mary Beth left before midnight.
3798,11,1,11,"Ted: Oh, she just had to make an appearance at this other party. It's no big deal."
3799,11,1,11,"Barney: The first time I rode in a limo I was five. I was on the way to my grandfather's funeral. I suppose, in a way, I still am."
3800,11,1,11,"Lily: Okay, wow, it's getting weird in here. I'm going to call Marshall."
3801,11,1,11,Ted: But he left his phone.
3802,11,1,11,Lily: Marshall! Marshall!
3803,11,1,11,Robin: I'm sorry about your girl.
3804,11,1,11,Ted: Sorry about your guy.
3805,11,1,11,"Robin: Well, at least we both have someone to kiss at midnight. Did you forget about our little deal? Because I did not."
3806,11,1,11,"Ted: I did not, too."
3807,11,1,11,(Robin's phone starts ringing)
3808,11,1,11,Robin: Derek. Hi. How's work?
3809,11,1,11,Ted: I'll give you some privacy.
3810,11,1,11,Lily: Marshall!
3811,11,1,11,"Ted: Okay, how's this for a plan? We start walking now, we get to party number three by 12:45. We celebrate the New Year in Central Standard Time."
3812,11,1,11,Lily: Marshall!
3813,11,1,11,"Barney: Give it a rest, Ted."
3814,11,1,11,Ted: Give what a rest?
3815,11,1,11,"Barney: Trying to turn this night into anything more than what it is, which is New Year's Eve which is the single biggest letdown of a night every single year."
3816,11,1,11,Lily: Marshall!
3817,11,1,11,"Ted: Come on, come on, we can still turn this thing around. We've still got ten minutes."
3818,11,1,11,"Barney: Stop trying to chase down some magical, perfect New Years, Ted. It doesn't exist."
3819,11,1,11,Lily: Marshall!
3820,11,1,11,Marshall: Lily!
3821,11,1,11,Ted: Holy crap.
3822,11,1,11,Lily: Marshall!
3823,11,1,11,Marshall: I knew I'd catch up with you guys eventually. So much to tell. I couldn't find Lily at party number three so I walked... I walked to the next party on the list.
3824,11,1,11,Ted: Not Moby's party?
3825,11,1,11,"Marshall: Yes, Moby's party. Check it out. He signed my shirt. And guess what I found. Yeah, I heard it playing at the party, so I swiped it. Yeah, I know. Come on."
3826,11,1,11,Barney: Come on! Oh! Oh!
3827,11,1,11,"Lily: Baby, baby, I was so worried about you. Why didn't you call me?"
3828,11,1,11,"Marshall: I tried, baby. All the circuits were jammed. But wait, there's more. After party number four, I figured you guys went to party number five. And so I went there, too, and it is awesome. I want to cry, it is so awesome. We have to go there."
3829,11,1,11,Ted: How? We'll never get a cab.
3830,11,1,11,Ranjit: The flat's fixed.
3831,11,1,11,"Ted: Let's do this! Come on! In! Go, go, go!"
3832,11,1,11,Lily: Natalya?
3833,11,1,11,"Barney: Yeah, it turns out she was asleep in the front seat the whole time. Ranjit, why didn't you tell me?"
3834,11,1,11,Ranjit: I didn't want to awake her. She looked so peaceful.
3835,11,1,11,"Ted: Party number five is 20 blocks away and all the way across town. Ranjit, can you get us there in eight minutes?"
3836,11,1,11,Ranjit: I get you there in six.
3837,11,1,11,[3 minutes before midnight]
3838,11,1,11,Ranjit: I don't think I can do it.
3839,11,1,11,All: No! Come on!
3840,11,1,11,"Lily: Move, you stupid taxi!"
3841,11,1,11,Marshall: Three minutes!
3842,11,1,11,All: Come on!
3843,11,1,11,"Ted: Ranjit, put her in park. Dudes, I'm sure party number five is awesome, but it's not the best party in New York. 'Cause this is, right here."
3844,11,1,11,Barney: Cheers. Well said.
3845,11,1,11,All: Cheers.
3846,11,1,11,"Ted from 2030: And just like that, we were having the perfect New Year's Eve. The funny thing is all night long, I'd been trying to chase something down that was right there in that limo."
3847,11,1,11,Robin: Derek?! Derek.
3848,11,1,11,Derek: Hey.
3849,11,1,11,"Ted: Hey, uh, come on in."
3850,11,1,11,Derek: I cut my meeting short because I wanted to see you at midnight.
3851,11,1,11,Robin: I can't believe you made it.
3852,11,1,11,"Derek: I made it, baby."
3853,11,1,11,"Natalia: I super love you, okay?"
3854,11,1,11,"Barney: Here, you need a mint."
3855,11,1,11,"All: Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! Happy New Year!"
3856,11,1,11,"Ted from 2030: You probably want to feel bad for your old man at this point in the story. Well, don't. Not every night has a happy ending. But all of it's important. All of it was leading somewhere. Because suddenly, it was 2006. And 2006 was a big one."
3857,11,1,11,"Robin: What the hell, man? I thought we had a deal."
3858,11,1,11,Ted: What about your guy? It's midnight. Go kiss him.
3859,11,1,11,"Robin: Eh, he kept me waiting. I can keep him waiting."
3860,11,1,11,"Ted: Well, a deal is a deal."
3861,11,1,11,Robin: Happy New Year.
3862,11,1,11,Ted: Happy New Year.
3863,12,1,12,INT. APARTMENT
3864,12,1,12,"(Ted opening wedding invitation, Ted sits down and looks at R.S.V.P card, makes check mark)"
3865,12,1,12,"Future Ted VO: When you're single and your friends start to get married, every wedding invitation presents a strange moment of self-evaluation. Will you be bringing a guest or will you be attending alone? What it's really asking is where do you see yourself in three months? Sitting next to your girlfriend or hitting on a bridesmaid? I always checked that I was bringing a guest. I was an optimist."
3866,12,1,12,"('Two Months and 26 Days Later,' Ted sitting on couch talking on phone)"
3867,12,1,12,Ted: Who the hell am I gonna bring to this wedding?
3868,12,1,12,"(screen splits, Barney in cab on phone on left side of screen, Ted on right side)"
3869,12,1,12,"Barney: Ted, have you ignored all my teachings? Ted: For the most part, yeah."
3870,12,1,12,"Barney: You don't bring a date to a wedding. That's like bringing a deer carcass on a hunting trip. Oh Ted, oh Ted, no, no date."
3871,12,1,12,"Ted: Deer carcass, really? That's the metaphor you're going for?"
3872,12,1,12,"Barney: Ted, it's a simile."
3873,12,1,12,"Ted: Well, it's too late now. If I don't bring a date, a $200 piece of chicken-slash-salmon will go uneaten. I gotta bring someone, but who?"
3874,12,1,12,Future Ted VO: Of course I knew who I wanted to bring: Robin.
3875,12,1,12,(TV screen showing Robin reporting in front of bridge)
3876,12,1,12,"Future Ted VO: The big unanswered question in my life. Problem was, she was dating this really rich guy named Derek."
3877,12,1,12,(shot of Derek and Robin sitting in back of car)
3878,12,1,12,"Future Ted VO: Pft, Derek."
3879,12,1,12,INT. MACLAREN'S
3880,12,1,12,"(Marshall, Lily, Ted and Barney sit at booth, Robin stands by booth)"
3881,12,1,12,"Robin: Well, Derek and I just broke up."
3882,12,1,12,"Lily: No, that's terrible, are you OK?"
3883,12,1,12,"Marshall: Yeah, do you need a drink or something?"
3884,12,1,12,(Robin sits down next to Lily)
3885,12,1,12,"Robin: Never really clicked. I felt bad though, he was pretty bummed."
3886,12,1,12,"Barney: Don't beat yourself up. He'll be fine. I mean, the guy's like a billionaire. He can put his platinum card on a fishing line and reel in 10 chicks hotter than you."
3887,12,1,12,"Robin: Thanks, I feel a lot better. Think I'll get that drink now."
3888,12,1,12,(Robin gets up and walks over to bar)
3889,12,1,12,"Ted: OK, guys, I gotta say something. I think my feelings for Robin may be resurfacing."
3890,12,1,12,(Marshall laughs)
3891,12,1,12,"Lily: Oh, because they were buried in a shallow grave."
3892,12,1,12,"Marshall: Not again. Come on, dude, we all know how this movie ends. Ted falls in love. Love kicks Ted in the sprouts. Roll credits."
3893,12,1,12,"Ted: No, you guys just have to look at the whole picture. Fact."
3894,12,1,12,(flashback to Robin and Ted dancing in her apartment)
3895,12,1,12,Ted: Robin was into me when we first met. Fact.
3896,12,1,12,(flashback to Ted and Robin kissing on roof)
3897,12,1,12,"Ted: Even though she didn't want a relationship, we had an amazing kiss on the roof. Fact."
3898,12,1,12,(flashback to Ted and Robin kissing at New Year's)
3899,12,1,12,"Ted: On New Year's Eve, we kissed again. Fact."
3900,12,1,12,(back to present scene)
3901,12,1,12,Ted: I need a date to this wedding. Wish me luck
3902,12,1,12,(Ted gets up and walks over to Robin at bar)
3903,12,1,12,"Barney: What I don't get is, why is Claudia marrying Stuart? She's way hotter than him. How way? Way way."
3904,12,1,12,"Marshall: This wedding does sound pretty amazing though. Fancy hotel ballroom, everybody all dressed up."
3905,12,1,12,"Lily: Ah, here we go."
3906,12,1,12,Barney: What?
3907,12,1,12,Lily: We can't get anywhere with our wedding plans because I want it to be fun and Marshall wants it to be lame.
3908,12,1,12,"Marshall: Oh yeah, OK, that's a pretty fair assessment of our two arguments."
3909,12,1,12,Lily: I thought so.
3910,12,1,12,"Marshall: You know what, excuse me if I don't wanna get married barefoot in the woods next to Lake No-one's-gonna-drive-that-far. Yes, I want a ballroom and I want a band and I want shoes."
3911,12,1,12,I've been dreaming about this day since I was like...
3912,12,1,12,Lily: A little girl?
3913,12,1,12,Barney: What up?
3914,12,1,12,"(Barney and Lily high-five) Marshall: OK, I'm just saying, that it's my wedding too and I should have a say in it."
3915,12,1,12,"Lily: Yes, but I'm the bride so I win."
3916,12,1,12,"Marshall: Well, I thought marriage was about two equal partners sharing a life together."
3917,12,1,12,"Lily: Right. But I'm the bride, so I win."
3918,12,1,12,"Barney: Seriously, Claudia and Stuart?! I mean, I've hooked up with the odd lass who was beneath my level of attractiveness, but, you know, I was drunk. There's no way Claudia has been drunk for three years."
3919,12,1,12,(Ted and Robin talking over by bar)
3920,12,1,12,"Ted: You know, I've always found that the best way to get over a failed relationship is to celebrate someone else's successful one."
3921,12,1,12,"Robin: Well, makes sense."
3922,12,1,12,"Ted: So, with that mind, our friends Claudia and Stuart are having this crazy, black-tie wedding on Saturday. You wanna be my 'plus one'?"
3923,12,1,12,"Robin: Ooh, 'plus one', you make it sound so romantic. Ted: Fine. You wanna be my date?"
3924,12,1,12,"Robin: Your date? I'd love to. Um, how fancy are we talking about here?"
3925,12,1,12,"Ted: Oh, you're gonna wanna bring your A game."
3926,12,1,12,"Robin: Oh, I'll bring it. I'll bring it so hard the bride's gonna look like a big white bag of crap."
3927,12,1,12,(Robin puts her drink down on the bar and heads over to booth)
3928,12,1,12,"Robin: Lily, I need a dress."
3929,12,1,12,"Lily: You're going. That's awesome. Oh my God, four days to find a dress?"
3930,12,1,12,"Robin: I know, it's a suicide mission."
3931,12,1,12,"Lily: Well, if we leave now, we can still have a fighting chance. Let's do it."
3932,12,1,12,(Lily and Robin rush out of bar)
3933,12,1,12,Marshall: Bye babe.
3934,12,1,12,"Ted: Whoa, did you see how fired up she was? I don't know, there's something there. And come Saturday, a little music, a little dancing, a lot of champagne. Who knows? Barney: Wow, Ted, you're gonna have to find another gender for yourself 'cause I'm revoking your dude membership."
3935,12,1,12,"Ted: Yeah, how was that manicure yesterday?"
3936,12,1,12,"Barney: Invigorating, thanks."
3937,12,1,12,"Future Ted VO: OK, I wasn't going to say it in front of the guys but back then I really thought that's how it worked."
3938,12,1,12,(Ted and Robin dressed up dancing)
3939,12,1,12,Future Ted VO: You put yourself and a girl you like in some romantic setting. The stars line up and shazam.
3940,12,1,12,(Ted and Robin lean in towards each other as if to kiss)
3941,12,1,12,Future Ted VO: I know now that life is never that simple.
3942,12,1,12,EXT. STREET
3943,12,1,12,(Ted sees Claudia talking on phone)
3944,12,1,12,"Ted: Hey, Claudia!"
3945,12,1,12,"Claudia: (on phone) Yes, I want Tahitian vanilla. You wrote it down wrong? No no no no no, listen to me. If I go to my wedding and the cake is not Tahitian vanilla, I will come down there and burn your little shop to the ground. Do you wanna find out if I'm kidding? Good-bye."
3946,12,1,12,(Claudia hangs)
3947,12,1,12,"Ted: Hey, how's it going? Claudia: My wedding's in two days, that's how it's going."
3948,12,1,12,"Ted: Oh, don't worry, it's gonna be great. I'm so excited."
3949,12,1,12,"Claudia: You should be, lots of single girls."
3950,12,1,12,"Ted: Oh, well, yeah, I'm bringing a date, so I'll be off the market."
3951,12,1,12,Claudia: What? Ted: I'm bringing a date.
3952,12,1,12,Claudia: You're not bringing a date.
3953,12,1,12,"Ted: Uh, yes I am."
3954,12,1,12,"Claudia: Uh, no you're not."
3955,12,1,12,Ted: I checked 'plus one'.
3956,12,1,12,Claudia: No you didn't.
3957,12,1,12,"Ted: Claudia, I'm pretty sure I checked..."
3958,12,1,12,"Claudia: Ted, you did not check 'plus one', you are not bringing a date to my wedding."
3959,12,1,12,Ted: But I already invited someone.
3960,12,1,12,"Claudia: You are not bringing a guest, Ted. The guest list has been closed for months. Months!"
3961,12,1,12,Ted: But I checked 'plus one'. I always check 'plus one'.
3962,12,1,12,"Claudia: You absolutely did not check 'plus one'. If you had checked 'plus one', I would have called you to get the name of your guest so I could get the guest cards printed up. Did I call you to get the name of your guest? Is there a place card with her name card printed on it?"
3963,12,1,12,"Ted: She doesn't need a place card, she knows her name."
3964,12,1,12,"Claudia: What's she eating? You ordered the chicken, what did she order? Do you see how your story is full of holes?"
3965,12,1,12,"Ted: Come on, Claudia, we go way back. Isn't there room for just one more person?"
3966,12,1,12,Claudia: Don't make me hurt you Ted.
3967,12,1,12,INT. MACLAREN'S
3968,12,1,12,"(Marshall, Barney and Ted sit at booth)"
3969,12,1,12,"Ted: I don't believe this, Claudia is crazy."
3970,12,1,12,"Barney: But to be fair, she's also hot."
3971,12,1,12,"Ted: I totally checked 'plus one', I'm sure I did."
3972,12,1,12,"Barney: Yeah, right."
3973,12,1,12,Ted: I did.
3974,12,1,12,"Barney: Yeah, I don't think you did. You know why? Because deep down, you didn't want to show up at this thing with a date. See, for all your big talk about being ready for a relationship, deep down you're single. It's your default setting. Ted, you know what's in the back of your brain?"
3975,12,1,12,"Ted: Oh great, here comes the 'little Barney' speech."
3976,12,1,12,"Barney: Behind a curtain, in a dark little room, secretly controlling your every move..."
3977,12,1,12,"Ted, Marshall: A little Barney."
3978,12,1,12,"Barney: A little Barney. And you know what he said? (changing tone of voice) ""Ted, you will bring no dates to this wedding. You will hit on drunk bridesmaids with actual-size Barney."""
3979,12,1,12,Marshall: Wow.
3980,12,1,12,Ted: Please stop. I gotta call Claudia. If I just explain to her...
3981,12,1,12,"Marshall: Ted, no. Let it go. She's about to get married. She's got enough to worry about."
3982,12,1,12,Ted: Then what am I gonna do?
3983,12,1,12,Marshall: The only thing you can do. Tell Robin she can't come.
3984,12,1,12,INT. ROBIN'S APARTMENT BUILDING
3985,12,1,12,"(Ted walks towards Robin's front door, Ted knocks on door)"
3986,12,1,12,Robin: (from inside apartment) Just a second.
3987,12,1,12,"(Lily opens door and steps out into hallway with Ted, Lily closes door behind her)"
3988,12,1,12,Lily: Hey.
3989,12,1,12,"Ted: Hey, listen."
3990,12,1,12,"Lily: Wait, two things. First of all, I've been laying groundwork all afternoon, totally subtle, totally cool, not pushing, not even nudging. Just the theme of today is Ted rocks. And she's picking up on it lying down."
3991,12,1,12,Ted: Lily's there's a problem.
3992,12,1,12,"Lily: Wait, no, thing number two. The dress, we got a dress."
3993,12,1,12,(Lily opens door and steps aside)
3994,12,1,12,Lily: Go.
3995,12,1,12,(Ted walks into Robin's apartment)
3996,12,1,12,INT. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
3997,12,1,12,"Robin: Well, did I bring it? Or did I bring it?"
3998,12,1,12,(Robin spins and flips her hair)
3999,12,1,12,Robin: I think I brought it.
4000,12,1,12,Ted: Wow.
4001,12,1,12,Robin: That's what I was going for. I'm so excited about tomorrow. We're gonna have so much fun.
4002,12,1,12,"Ted: Yeah, about that."
4003,12,1,12,(Robin looks at Ted) Ted: I'll pick you up at five.
4004,12,1,12,(Robin smiles)
4005,12,1,12,INT. CAB
4006,12,1,12,(Ted and Lily sit in back of cab)
4007,12,1,12,"Lily: So, the dress?"
4008,12,1,12,Ted: I don't have a 'plus one' for the wedding.
4009,12,1,12,Lily: What?
4010,12,1,12,Ted: I ran into Claudia and she told me I didn't check 'plus one' on the reply card.
4011,12,1,12,Lily: Why didn't you check 'plus...
4012,12,1,12,Ted: I did check 'plus one'.
4013,12,1,12,Lily: But Robin is so excited.
4014,12,1,12,Ted: I know.
4015,12,1,12,Lily: And the dress.
4016,12,1,12,Ted: I know.
4017,12,1,12,"Lily: Oh. OK, OK, we'll, we'll sneak her in."
4018,12,1,12,"Ted: We can't sneak her in, we're not ninjas."
4019,12,1,12,Lily: I wish we were ninjas.
4020,12,1,12,Ted: I know.
4021,12,1,12,Lily: You can always ask Stuart.
4022,12,1,12,Ted: Can I do that?
4023,12,1,12,"Lily: Sure, you guys have been friends for a long time, and it's 40% his wedding too."
4024,12,1,12,"Ted: Oh, it's gonna be a tough sell."
4025,12,1,12,INT. STUART'S APARTMENT
4026,12,1,12,(Ted and Stuart standing and talking)
4027,12,1,12,"Stuart: Dude, no problem whatsoever."
4028,12,1,12,"Ted: Really? Stuart: Sure, the more the merrier."
4029,12,1,12,"Ted: Wow, wow, thanks for being so cool about this 'cause you know Claudia said..."
4030,12,1,12,"Stuart: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, this morning at the rehearsal, Claudia called our 7-year-old flower girl a whore. So, don't take it personally, she's just a little stressed."
4031,12,1,12,(Stuart opens front door)
4032,12,1,12,"Ted: Yeah, she's not usually like that."
4033,12,1,12,Stuart: No.
4034,12,1,12,"Ted: Well, thanks, Stu, it's gonna be a great wedding."
4035,12,1,12,(Ted walks out front door)
4036,12,1,12,
4037,12,1,12,INT. APARTMENT
4038,12,1,12,"(Lily sitting on couch reading magazine, Marshall sitting at table behind couch)"
4039,12,1,12,"Lily: Honey, this magazine says more and more couples are opting to have nontraditional weddings out in the woods."
4040,12,1,12,"Marshall: Well, if a magazine says so, we should go get married in the woods like a couple of squirrels."
4041,12,1,12,"Lily: Squirrels don't get married, Marshall."
4042,12,1,12,Marshall: Like you could possibly know that.
4043,12,1,12,(Ted enters front door)
4044,12,1,12,Ted: I did it. I did it. I'm taking her to the wedding.
4045,12,1,12,Lily: Nice.
4046,12,1,12,Marshall: What? How?
4047,12,1,12,Ted: I talked to Stuart.
4048,12,1,12,"Marshall: Oh, you went around the bride. ""Oh, this hornet's nest looks harmless. Maybe I'll poke it with a stick. Oh, look, some gremlins, let me go feed them after midnight."" Did you known about this?"
4049,12,1,12,Lily: It may have been my idea.
4050,12,1,12,(Marshall exhales)
4051,12,1,12,Lily: What? Stuart doesn't get a say.
4052,12,1,12,"Marshall: Ha! So you admit it, the groom should have an equal say."
4053,12,1,12,"Lily: Oh, yeah, sure, on the stupid stuff, like who comes."
4054,12,1,12,Marshall: So I can invite whoever I want.
4055,12,1,12,"Lily: Sure, there's plenty of room in the woods."
4056,12,1,12,"(Cell phone rings, Ted takes his cell phone out of his pocket)"
4057,12,1,12,Ted: It's Claudia.
4058,12,1,12,"Marshall: So, it begins."
4059,12,1,12,"Ted: Come on, it can't be that bad."
4060,12,1,12,(Ted looks at phone)
4061,12,1,12,"Ted: Here, Lily, you answer it."
4062,12,1,12,(Ted hands phone to Lily)
4063,12,1,12,Lily: What? Why?
4064,12,1,12,Ted: Because this whole thing was your idea. And Claudia scares me.
4065,12,1,12,Lily: But...but you're the guy...oh.
4066,12,1,12,(Lily takes Ted's phone and answers it)
4067,12,1,12,"Lily: Ted's phone. Oh, hi Claudia. What?"
4068,12,1,12,"Future Ted VO: Now I wasn't there, but what I heard, it went something like this."
4069,12,1,12,(flashback of Stuart and Claudia talking in their apartment)
4070,12,1,12,"Stuart: Uh, by the way, honey, Ted stopped by and I told him he could bring his date to the wedding."
4071,12,1,12,Claudia: You what?
4072,12,1,12,Stuart: I told him he could bring a date to the wedding.
4073,12,1,12,(scene fast forwards)
4074,12,1,12,Claudia: Always undermining me at every turn.
4075,12,1,12,(scene fast forwards again)
4076,12,1,12,"Stuart: Try to show a little flexibility, but no, it's all about you."
4077,12,1,12,(scene fast forwards some more)
4078,12,1,12,"Claudia: And your mother, calling me all the time..."
4079,12,1,12,(scene fast forwards yet again)
4080,12,1,12,"Stuart: You know what, the wedding's off."
4081,12,1,12,(Stuart walks out and slams door)
4082,12,1,12,(back top present scene)
4083,12,1,12,(Lily covers mouthpiece of phone and whispers to Ted and Marshall)
4084,12,1,12,Lily: They broke up.
4085,12,1,12,(Marshall slaps Ted)
4086,12,1,12,Ted: Ow!
4087,12,1,12,"Lily: (to Claudia on phone) Uh-huh, uh-huh."
4088,12,1,12,"Ted: It's not because of me, is it?"
4089,12,1,12,(Lily nods to Ted)
4090,12,1,12,Lily: Uh-huh.
4091,12,1,12,(screen splits to show Claudia in back of cab talking on phone on right side of screen)
4092,12,1,12,"Claudia: My dad already paid for this huge wedding. He's gonna kill me. He's gonna kill Ted, then I'm gonna kill Ted."
4093,12,1,12,"(another cell phone rings, Lily passes phone to Ted)"
4094,12,1,12,Ted: It's Robin.
4095,12,1,12,Lily: Answer it.
4096,12,1,12,"Ted: Uh, Lily's phone."
4097,12,1,12,(screen splits with Robin on phone on left side and Ted on phone on right side)
4098,12,1,12,Robin: Ted. Where's Lily? I need to tell her about these awesome shoes I just bought.
4099,12,1,12,"Ted: Uh, Lily's busy."
4100,12,1,12,"Robin: Oh, OK, well I just wanted to say they're gorgeous and Ted's gonna love them."
4101,12,1,12,"Ted: That's great. I'll tell Lily to tell me. Uh, listen, I really wanna keep talking but now's not a good time so, um, I'm really excited about tomorrow. OK, bye."
4102,12,1,12,Robin: Bye-bye.
4103,12,1,12,(Ted and Robin hang up)
4104,12,1,12,"Ted: Crap, she bought some expensive shoes. She's really looking forward to this. Do you think she's into me?"
4105,12,1,12,"Marshall: Ted, focus."
4106,12,1,12,(split screen with Lily and Claudia on respective phones)
4107,12,1,12,"Lily: Sweetie, just calm down. Do you wanna go somewhere and talk?"
4108,12,1,12,Claudia: I wanna go somewhere and drink.
4109,12,1,12,"Lily: OK, meet me at MacLaren's. I'll see you there."
4110,12,1,12,(Lily and Claudia hang up phones)
4111,12,1,12,Ted: I feel terrible.
4112,12,1,12,"Marshall: Well, feel terrible later. Right now, we gotta fix this. Lily, you go down to the bar and comfort Claudia. Ted and I will go and try to talk some sense into Stuart."
4113,12,1,12,Ted: Tell Claudia I'm sorry. Did she seem pissed at me?
4114,12,1,12,"Lily: She said if there's no wedding tomorrow, you owe her father $400,000."
4115,12,1,12,Ted: Let's say we get these crazy kids back together.
4116,12,1,12,INT. MACLAREN'S
4117,12,1,12,"(Claudia sitting at bar drinking and looking sad, Barney approaches her)"
4118,12,1,12,"Barney: Hi, sad-eyes. What's got you down? Claudia: Stuart and I just broke up."
4119,12,1,12,(Claudia starts to cry)
4120,12,1,12,"Barney: Oh, God, I'm so sorry. That's just, that's just... (to bartender) two vodka cranberries."
4121,12,1,12,Claudia: You remembered I drink vodka cranberries.
4122,12,1,12,"Barney: Remember? When it comes to you, how could I forget?"
4123,12,1,12,Barney: (to bartender) They all drink vodka cranberries.
4124,12,1,12,"Barney: So, is there anything else you need, sweetie?"
4125,12,1,12,"Claudia: You got $400,000?"
4126,12,1,12,"Barney: No, but I do have a hug."
4127,12,1,12,"(Barney puts his arms out, Claudia hugs him)"
4128,12,1,12,"Barney: (looking up, whispers) Thank you."
4129,12,1,12,INT. STUART'S APARTMENT
4130,12,1,12,(Ted and Marshall talk to Stuart as he packs books into boxes)
4131,12,1,12,"Ted: Stuart, I don't know what to say. If I caused this in any way..."
4132,12,1,12,"Stuart: Ted, for all I know you did me the biggest favor anyone's every done me."
4133,12,1,12,"Marshall: Oh, come on, man, you don't mean that."
4134,12,1,12,"Stuart: Yeah, I do. This whole thing's made me realize, I miss being single. I miss staying out late and making messes and not cleaning them up. I miss owning p0rn."
4135,12,1,12,"Marshall: Dude, who doesn't."
4136,12,1,12,"Stuart: You know, I'll see some super-hot model chick and I'll think, ""why am I with Claudia? I can be with her."""
4137,12,1,12,"Ted: That's crazy. I mean, you're the luckiest...you and Claudia both..."
4138,12,1,12,"Stuart: The point is, I wanna get married, I wanna settle down. But right now, that's just not who I am. I'm not a commitment guy, I'm a single guy."
4139,12,1,12,"Ted: Stuart, you don't have to be one or the other. Everybody feels this way sometimes."
4140,12,1,12,"Relationships aren't easy, they're hard work. It's about compromise, growing together, all that Dr. Phil crap."
4141,12,1,12,"Stuart: How would you know, you're not even married?"
4142,12,1,12,"Ted: OK, ask this guy. Nine years he's been with Lily. He's the pro. This guy knows relationships. Tell him, Marshall."
4143,12,1,12,"Marshall: Stuart, don't get married."
4144,12,1,12,Ted: Dude.
4145,12,1,12,Stuart: What?
4146,12,1,12,"Marshall: I'm sorry. Being in a couple is hard and committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person, then it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it's not like that, then she's not the one. I'm sorry."
4147,12,1,12,"Ted: You know I don't have $400,000, right?"
4148,12,1,12,INT. MACLAREN'S
4149,12,1,12,"(Barney and Claudia sit next to each other in booth) Claudia: Maybe we got together too young. Maybe that's what the problem was. I mean, I'm 28 years old. I've really only been with one man."
4150,12,1,12,"Barney: That's just, that's... (yelling over to bartender) two more vodka cranberries please."
4151,12,1,12,"Barney: Claudia, it's all gonna be OK."
4152,12,1,12,"Claudia: Thanks for listening, Barney. Really means a lot to me."
4153,12,1,12,"Barney: Isn't it weird that we should run into each other like this? Two souls of equal levels of attractiveness, both fitting together like two pieces of a very attractive puzzle."
4154,12,1,12,"Lily: Oh, hell no."
4155,12,1,12,(Lily grabs Barney's ear and drags him away from Claudia)
4156,12,1,12,Barney: Oww
4157,12,1,12,"Lily: Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God, if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, I will take those peanuts you try to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes."
4158,12,1,12,"Barney: Wait, my eyes or my testicles? Lily: One of each."
4159,12,1,12,"Barney: All right, all right."
4160,12,1,12,"(Stuart, Marshall and Ted enter MacLaren's)"
4161,12,1,12,Stuart: Claudia.
4162,12,1,12,Claudia: Stuart. I'm so sorry.
4163,12,1,12,(Claudia stands up)
4164,12,1,12,Stuart: I'm so sorry too.
4165,12,1,12,Claudia: I love you.
4166,12,1,12,"Stuart: I love you too, babe. Marshall and Ted set me straight, and when Marshall told me not to marry you, it made me realize..."
4167,12,1,12,Claudia: Marshall said what?
4168,12,1,12,"(Claudia pushes Stuart out of the way to try to attack Marshall, Marshall hides behind Lily)"
4169,12,1,12,Stuart: He made me realize how much I love you. These guys got us back together.
4170,12,1,12,(Stuart and Claudia kiss)
4171,12,1,12,"Ted: So, where did we land on the whole 'plus one' thing?"
4172,12,1,12,"(Claudia turns around and tries to attack Ted, Ted runs away) Future Ted VO: It took three more vodka cranberries to subdue Claudia but eventually she graciously agreed to let me bring Robin."
4173,12,1,12,INT. ROBIN'S APARTMENT BUILDING
4174,12,1,12,"(Ted walks up to Robin's front door in tuxedo, knocks on door, Robin opens door)"
4175,12,1,12,Ted: Still wow.
4176,12,1,12,Robin: Wow yourself. Look who else brought it.
4177,12,1,12,INT. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
4178,12,1,12,(Ted walks into Robin's apartment)
4179,12,1,12,"Ted: Oh yeah, I thought about leaving it at home, but I figured I don't wanna get there and realize I need it and have to go all the way back to get it, so, yeah, I brought it."
4180,12,1,12,(Robin's cell phone rings)
4181,12,1,12,Robin: Sorry.
4182,12,1,12,(Robin takes phone out of purse and answers)
4183,12,1,12,"Robin: Hello. Oh my God, tonight? You're kidding. Robin: (to Ted) They want me to anchor the news tonight."
4184,12,1,12,"Robin: Really? Like, anchor anchor? What happened to Sandy? OK, OK, sure, what time do you need me to...Right now! Oh."
4185,12,1,12,Ted: Do it. Do it.
4186,12,1,12,"Robin: OK, I need like five minutes to change and um, I'll call you from the cab..."
4187,12,1,12,INT. WEDDING RECEPTION
4188,12,1,12,"(Ted and Barney sit at table, Marshall and Lily dancing)"
4189,12,1,12,"Marshall: So, admit it, this wedding is both indoors and amazing."
4190,12,1,12,Lily: I'll give you the crab puffs. The crab puffs are good.
4191,12,1,12,Marshall: Crab puffs were incredible.
4192,12,1,12,Lily: We should totally have them at our wedding.
4193,12,1,12,"Marshall: Definitely. Hey, we just agreed on something."
4194,12,1,12,Lily: Did we just start planning our wedding?
4195,12,1,12,Marshall: I think we did.
4196,12,1,12,(Marshall and Lily kiss)
4197,12,1,12,Lily: We totally have to get that brown dipping sauce.
4198,12,1,12,"Marshall: Oh, I thought the red sauce was like aweome."
4199,12,1,12,"Lily: My God, were you born without taste buds? (Marshall smiles and laughs)"
4200,12,1,12,Lily: What?
4201,12,1,12,Marshall: I love you.
4202,12,1,12,(cut to Robin anchoring the news)
4203,12,1,12,"Robin: Coming up, are there snakes living in your walls? The answer may surprise you, after the break."
4204,12,1,12,(back to wedding scene)
4205,12,1,12,(Stuart and Claudia dance)
4206,12,1,12,"Barney: Man, you know something, Stuart's my new hero. If that dude can bag a nine, I gotta be able to bag like a sixteen."
4207,12,1,12,Ted: What's a sixteen?
4208,12,1,12,Barney: Those two eight's right over there. Yeah.
4209,12,1,12,(Claudia and Stuart walk over to Ted and Barney)
4210,12,1,12,Claudia: Hi Ted.
4211,12,1,12,Ted: Claudia.
4212,12,1,12,Claudia: We just wanted to get a picture with the woman who almost ended our relationship.
4213,12,1,12,"Stuart: Yeah, where is she?"
4214,12,1,12,Ted: Um (clears throat) She couldn't make it.
4215,12,1,12,(Claudia laughs)
4216,12,1,12,"Ted: What's so funny? Claudia: Plan a wedding, you'll see."
4217,12,1,12,(Stuart and Claudia walk away)
4218,12,1,12,"Ted: Look at that. That's how it's supposed to be, that, right there. Easy. Simple. It's just not like that with Robin. It's not easy, and on some level, it has to just be easy."
4219,12,1,12,"Barney: Speaking of easy, bridesmaids, Ted. Bridesmaids."
4220,12,1,12,(Claudia walks towards Ted)
4221,12,1,12,"Claudia: By the way, I almost forgot. We found this."
4222,12,1,12,"(Claudia hands Ted his reply card, Ted takes it and looks at it, Claudia walks away)"
4223,12,1,12,Ted: I didn't check 'plus one'. You were right. Barney: Of course I was right.
4224,12,1,12,Ted: I'm single. Maybe that's just who I am. And you know what? I like being single.
4225,12,1,12,Barney: Being single's the best.
4226,12,1,12,Ted: Stay out as late as you want.
4227,12,1,12,Barney: Answer to no one.
4228,12,1,12,Ted: The whole world full of endless possibilities.
4229,12,1,12,Barney: Never having to go to a farmer's market.
4230,12,1,12,(Ted and Barney clink champagne glasses)
4231,12,1,12,"Barney: OK, ah, doing some math here. Table six has got three bridesmaids, an eight, an eight and a seven. I am willing to give you one of the eight's, lowering myself to a fifteen, which means you owe me..."
4232,12,1,12,"Future Ted VO: So there we were, two single guys doing our usual single guy thing. For whatever reason, I had let myself believe that this night would be a turning point, that this was the night that my life, my real life, would finally begin. Funny thing is, I wasn't totally wrong."
4233,12,1,12,"(Ted notices girl at table, Girl looks at Ted and smiles"
4234,12,1,12,Future Ted VO: 'Cause that night was just beginning.
4235,13,1,13,(pictures of brides and grooms at their weddings)
4236,13,1,13,"Future Ted VO: Kids, in life there are a lot of big romantic moments, and they make life worth living. But here's the problem, moments pass, and lurking just around the corner from those moments is a cruel, unshaven b*st*rd named reality."
4237,13,1,13,INT. WEDDING RECEPTION
4238,13,1,13,"(Ted, Barney and Tanya, a bridesmaid, sit)"
4239,13,1,13,"Future Ted VO: And so, back in 2006, on the night of Claudia and Stuart's wedding, reality was the enemy."
4240,13,1,13,"Tanya: Wow, the Peace Corps?"
4241,13,1,13,"Barney: Yeah, I ship out tomorrow for two years. You know, some people say the Peace Corps is the most noble thing a person can do. To those people, I say, ""Is it?"" And usually they say, ""yes it is."""
4242,13,1,13,"Tanya: Barney, they are so right. I wish there was something I could do."
4243,13,1,13,"Barney: Oh, Tanya, I'm so glad you said that."
4244,13,1,13,(Barney leans over and whispers to Tanya)
4245,13,1,13,Future Ted VO: This wasn't how I thought the night would turn out.
4246,13,1,13,(Ted's dream scenario of him and Robin dancing)
4247,13,1,13,Future Ted VO: This was finally supposed to be my big moment with Robin. But then reality came along.
4248,13,1,13,"(flashback to Robin getting called to do news, then flashback of Robin anchoring the news)"
4249,13,1,13,Future Ted VO: Robin got called up last minute to anchor the 11 o'clock news. It was her big break.
4250,13,1,13,(back to present scene)
4251,13,1,13,"Future Ted VO: And I went to the wedding stag. Then, when I least expected it..."
4252,13,1,13,"(Ted notices girl and smiles, Girl smiles back)"
4253,13,1,13,INT. APARTMENT
4254,13,1,13,"(Lily and Marshall sitting on couch, Ted walks over to them)"
4255,13,1,13,"Lily: Hey, where the hell did you disappear to last night?"
4256,13,1,13,Ted: I had the most amazing night ever.
4257,13,1,13,"Marshall: Tell me about it, that cake, best cake I ever had. Seriously. My stomach was like, hey bro, I don't know what you're eating 'cause I don't have any eyes but it's basically awesome so keep sending it down gullet alley."
4258,13,1,13,"Lily: Yeah, I know. My stomach was like, girlfriend, we don't always get along but that cake..."
4259,13,1,13,Marshall: Say what?
4260,13,1,13,Ted: Lily.
4261,13,1,13,"Lily: Oh right. Most amazing night ever, and go."
4262,13,1,13,(flashback to Ted talking to Victoria at wedding)
4263,13,1,13,"Victoria: I should tell you, I have a rule. I never hook up at weddings."
4264,13,1,13,Ted: I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule.
4265,13,1,13,"Victoria: Well, here's the thing. Those big romantic moments, they're great when they happen, but they're not real."
4266,13,1,13,"Ted: Exactly. Exactly, like, like just now, when I saw you doing the chicken dance out there, I'm not gonna lie to you, big time thunderbolt."
4267,13,1,13,Victoria: You should see me tap-dance. You'd be down on bended knee.
4268,13,1,13,Ted: Sadly not out of character. But I know now it's just a mirage.
4269,13,1,13,Victoria: Wedding goggles.
4270,13,1,13,"Ted: Exactly. And that, in a nutshell, is why I'm not putting the moves on you."
4271,13,1,13,Victoria: This isn't the moves?
4272,13,1,13,"Ted: What, you think this is the moves? Believe me, you'd know the moves. People ten tables away would know the moves."
4273,13,1,13,Victoria: That's too bad.
4274,13,1,13,Ted: Tell me about it.
4275,13,1,13,"Victoria: You know, I think I have a solution."
4276,13,1,13,Ted: Interested.
4277,13,1,13,"Victoria: And, to preface this, we're not going to sleep together tonight."
4278,13,1,13,Ted: Less interested.
4279,13,1,13,(Victoria laughs)
4280,13,1,13,Ted: Go ahead.
4281,13,1,13,"Victoria: OK. So the thing that always screws it up is the next day, right? So, why don't we just cut that part out."
4282,13,1,13,Ted: What are you saying?
4283,13,1,13,"Victoria: I'm saying, I'm here, you're here, and this is a big, romantic wedding. Why don't we just dance and have a great time and then when it's over, never see each other again."
4284,13,1,13,Ted: Unless...
4285,13,1,13,"Victoria: No, no unless. No emails, no phone numbers, not even names. Tonight we will make a memory that will never be tarnished. And then, when we're old and gray, we'll look back on this night and it'll be perfect."
4286,13,1,13,"Ted: Wow. OK, I'm in."
4287,13,1,13,Victoria: OK.
4288,13,1,13,"Ted: I guess, what, we'll need fake names?"
4289,13,1,13,"Victoria: Um, you can call me Buttercup."
4290,13,1,13,"(Victoria extends hand, Ted shakes it)"
4291,13,1,13,"Ted: Pleased to meet you, Buttercup. I'm Lando Calrissian."
4292,13,1,13,(Victoria laughs)
4293,13,1,13,"Ted: Wow, this is kind of exciting. Our names will forever be shrouded..."
4294,13,1,13,(Barney comes up to Ted with a bridesmaid)
4295,13,1,13,"Barney: Ted, Ted, Ted, look, I got a bridesmaid, Ted, look, look, Ted, the second hottest bridesmaid, Ted, look. See ya Ted."
4296,13,1,13,(Barney leaves quickly with Tanya)
4297,13,1,13,"Ted: So, I'm Ted."
4298,13,1,13,Victoria: Victoria. But no last names.
4299,13,1,13,Ted: No last names.
4300,13,1,13,(back to present scene)
4301,13,1,13,Marshall: Oh.
4302,13,1,13,"Lily: Oh, what is wrong with you?"
4303,13,1,13,"Marshall: Dude, that is just like... a weenie ass idea."
4304,13,1,13,"Ted: No, it was awesome. I had a great night, I'm never gonna see her again, and there's no way to ruin it."
4305,13,1,13,"Marshall: Ted, how do I explain this to you? Last night I had the best cake of my life. You think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell, no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake and then I'm gonna get some more cake."
4306,13,1,13,"Ted: That cake really got to you, huh?"
4307,13,1,13,Marshall: It haunts me.
4308,13,1,13,"Lily: So, what happened next?"
4309,13,1,13,"(flashback to Ted and Victoria at wedding) Victoria: OK, ground rules have been established."
4310,13,1,13,Ted: Mm-hm.
4311,13,1,13,Victoria: Now let's see some of these moves I've heard so much about.
4312,13,1,13,(Ted gets up and grabs a bottle of champagne and two glasses and comes back over to Victoria and grabs her hand and leads her out of the reception area)
4313,13,1,13,Victoria: Wait wait wait wait wait.
4314,13,1,13,(Ted and Victoria slow down and stop by the cake table)
4315,13,1,13,Victoria: Let's do all the single ladies in this joint a big favor and steal the bouquet.
4316,13,1,13,"Ted: Yes, but we'll need a diversion."
4317,13,1,13,(Ted grabs utensil from table and starts clinking his glass with it)
4318,13,1,13,Ted: Kiss.
4319,13,1,13,"(Other people at wedding start clinking their glasses and chanting ""kiss, kiss..."", Victoria grabs bouquet and she and Ted rush out of reception)"
4320,13,1,13,"Ted: Go. Go, go, go"
4321,13,1,13,(back to present scene)
4322,13,1,13,"Lily: So, that's what happened to the bouquet. You know, good for Victoria. It's such an evil tradition."
4323,13,1,13,Ted: You're not gonna do it at your wedding?
4324,13,1,13,"Lily: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, crawl for it, bitches. It's just what girls do."
4325,13,1,13,"Marshall: So, where did you guys go?"
4326,13,1,13,(flashback to Ted playing piano and Victoria tap-dancing)
4327,13,1,13,Ted: Very nice.
4328,13,1,13,Victoria: Yeah?
4329,13,1,13,(Victoria sits down on piano bench next to Ted)
4330,13,1,13,"Victoria: OK, I don't really know how to tap-dance."
4331,13,1,13,Ted: I couldn't really tell.
4332,13,1,13,(Ted and Victoria laugh)
4333,13,1,13,"Ted: Well, it's too bad you're not gonna get some tonight."
4334,13,1,13,"Victoria: Oh, if I wanted some, I could get some."
4335,13,1,13,Ted: No you couldn't.
4336,13,1,13,Victoria: You're a dude. I could totally...
4337,13,1,13,Ted: Totally get some.
4338,13,1,13,"(Ted and Victoria look at each other, Ted starts to lean in towards Victoria)"
4339,13,1,13,Victoria: We're not gonna kiss tonight.
4340,13,1,13,(Ted pounds keys on piano)
4341,13,1,13,"Victoria: If we kiss, all of this becomes real. You, you might use too much tongue, or not use enough and then suddenly, poof, spell's broken."
4342,13,1,13,Ted: I will use exactly the right amount of tongue.
4343,13,1,13,"Victoria: OK, how about this? The best part of any first-kiss is the lead-up to it, the moment right before the lips touch. It's like a big drumroll. So, how about, tonight, we just stick with the drumroll."
4344,13,1,13,Ted: OK.
4345,13,1,13,Victoria: But we can't kiss.
4346,13,1,13,Ted: OK.
4347,13,1,13,(Victoria and Ted lean in to each other as if to kiss and pull away)
4348,13,1,13,(back to present scene)
4349,13,1,13,"Marshall: A drumroll? That's it. So, what, you just said good-night, came home, and performed a drum solo?"
4350,13,1,13,"Lily: Oh, Ted, you're such a doof. I mean, this girl sounds amazing."
4351,13,1,13,"Ted: She was completely amazing. She was amazing and funny and we connected on every level. And, I'm never gonna see her again."
4352,13,1,13,"(Ted gets up and walks towards kitchen, turns back suddenly toward Lily and Marshall)"
4353,13,1,13,"Ted: Dammit, I have to see her again."
4354,13,1,13,"Lily, Marshall: Yes."
4355,13,1,13,"Marshall: So, let's get to work, man. What else do you know about her?"
4356,13,1,13,"Ted: Nothing. Her name's Victoria, that's all I got. Wait, Claudia, Claudia would know."
4357,13,1,13,"Lily: Well, Claudia's on her honeymoon. She'll be back in two weeks. Call her then."
4358,13,1,13,"Ted: Yes, two weeks, good idea. I'm calling her now."
4359,13,1,13,(Ted starts dialing his cell phone)
4360,13,1,13,"Lily: No, Ted, you don't mess with a honeymoon."
4361,13,1,13,"Marshall: Yeah, come on, dude. Ask her about the cake."
4362,13,1,13,INT. AIRPORT
4363,13,1,13,"(Claudia and Stuart are in line to board, Claudia's phone rings, she answers it)"
4364,13,1,13,Claudia: Ted?
4365,13,1,13,"(Ted on phone in his apartment) Ted: Hey, Claudia, great wedding, beautiful toast, touching stuff. How's the honeymoon? Listen, I'm calling because last night I met this girl and I was wondering if you had..."
4366,13,1,13,(Claudia on phone)
4367,13,1,13,"Claudia: Oh, you have got to be freakin kidding me."
4368,13,1,13,"Stuart: Oh, here we go."
4369,13,1,13,"Claudia: 24 hours ago, you were begging, begging me to bring some other girl to my wedding, and now, what, you're over her?"
4370,13,1,13,(Ted on phone)
4371,13,1,13,Ted: I've moved on.
4372,13,1,13,(Claudia on phone)
4373,13,1,13,"Claudia: What was her name? Was it my fat cousin, Lindsay? Don't be embarrassed. She has pretty eyes."
4374,13,1,13,(Ted on phone)
4375,13,1,13,"Ted: Uh, no, her name was Victoria, I don't know her last name."
4376,13,1,13,(Claudia on phone)
4377,13,1,13,"Claudia: Well, lucky for you, I know that guest list backwards and forwards."
4378,13,1,13,(Ted on phone)
4379,13,1,13,Ted: Thank God.
4380,13,1,13,(Claudia on phone)
4381,13,1,13,"Claudia: Unlucky for you, there was no Victoria at my wedding. Good-bye, Ted."
4382,13,1,13,(Claudia hangs up)
4383,13,1,13,INT. APARTMENT
4384,13,1,13,(Ted puts phone down from his ear)
4385,13,1,13,Ted: There was no Victoria at the wedding.
4386,13,1,13,"Lily: Maybe she used a second fake name. Oh, she's good, she's very good."
4387,13,1,13,"Marshall: Maybe she was a ghost. That's why she didn't wanna kiss you, because you'd just pass right through her and feel really cold for a second. Oh my God, I just had a great idea for a screenplay."
4388,13,1,13,Ted: Marshall. She was not a ghost.
4389,13,1,13,"Marshall: I know that she wasn't a ghost, she picked up a bouquet, proving she had corporeal form."
4390,13,1,13,"Ted: Wait, wait, wait, she was sitting across from a couple of bridesmaids. She must have been at their table. Maybe they know who she was?"
4391,13,1,13,Lily: Great. How do we get in touch with the bridesmaids?
4392,13,1,13,(Ted dials his phone)
4393,13,1,13,
4394,13,1,13,INT. MASSAGE PARLOR
4395,13,1,13,"(Barney lying down getting massage, masseuse is standing on Barney's back, Barney's phone vibrates, he answers)"
4396,13,1,13,"Barney: This better be good, I'm about to enter nirvana. By the way, I should give you Nirvana's phone number, she gives a great massage. Say what?"
4397,13,1,13,Nirvana: Barney.
4398,13,1,13,(Nirvana kicks Barney)
4399,13,1,13,Barney: Ow. I know the house rules. Es un chiste.
4400,13,1,13,(Ted on phone)
4401,13,1,13,"Ted: Uh, listen, Barney, I saw you talking to that bridesmaid last night. Did you happen to get her phone number?"
4402,13,1,13,(Barney on phone)
4403,13,1,13,Barney: You know I did.
4404,13,1,13,(Ted on phone)
4405,13,1,13,Ted: Great. I'm gonna need you to call her for me.
4406,13,1,13,(Barney on phone)
4407,13,1,13,Barney: You know I won't.
4408,13,1,13,(Ted on phone)
4409,13,1,13,Ted: Why not?
4410,13,1,13,INT. MACLAREN'S
4411,13,1,13,"(Ted, Barney, Marshall, and Lily sit at booth)"
4412,13,1,13,"Barney: Because we just hooked up last night. I can't call the girl the next day. I have to wait at least, like, forever. Oh snap. Never gonna call her. Besides, she thinks I'm on my way to India."
4413,13,1,13,"Lily: Oh, come on, Barney. It's for a good cause."
4414,13,1,13,"Barney: Ted going all castrati over another girl is exactly not a good cause. Sorry, buddy, I wish I could help you, my hands are tied. Oh no, wait, that was last night."
4415,13,1,13,(Barney makes whip sound)
4416,13,1,13,"Ted: OK, Barney, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. You make this call and I will go with you to Foxy Boxing."
4417,13,1,13,Barney: Really? Ted: Yeah.
4418,13,1,13,Barney: But you always said that Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy nor good at boxing.
4419,13,1,13,Ted: I'm ready to be proven wrong.
4420,13,1,13,Barney: Tonight? Ted: Tonight. Dial.
4421,13,1,13,"Barney: (on phone) Yeah, Tanya, turns out I don't leave for the Peace Corps until tomorrow. Yeah, I know, sucks. Just one fewer day I get to help people. Anyway, this girl, any idea who she was? Hold on."
4422,13,1,13,Barney: (to Ted) What kind of shoes...
4423,13,1,13,"Barney: (on phone) Tanya, he's a dude. He's not gonna know what kind of shoes she was wearing."
4424,13,1,13,Ted: Actually.
4425,13,1,13,Barney: Oh come on.
4426,13,1,13,(flashback to Ted walking out of piano room)
4427,13,1,13,Victoria: Hey.
4428,13,1,13,"(Victoria throws bouquet to Ted, Victoria walks up to Ted)"
4429,13,1,13,"Ted: So, what do you want to do next?"
4430,13,1,13,Victoria: Uh...
4431,13,1,13,Ted: Don't think...first thing that comes into your mind.
4432,13,1,13,Victoria: Hold this.
4433,13,1,13,"(Victoria takes off her shoes and hands them to Ted, Victoria does a cartwheel)"
4434,13,1,13,Ted: Whoa. There she goes.
4435,13,1,13,(back to present scene)
4436,13,1,13,Barney: (on phone) Apparently she was wearing brown shoes with little snowflakes on them.
4437,13,1,13,"Yeah, they do sound cute. Any idea who...? OK, well thanks anyway. Yeah, you take... Tonight? Well, I'm shipping out pretty early so I won't be able to stay over, but, yeah, sure, I'd love to. OK, I'll talk to you later."
4438,13,1,13,(Barney hangs up phone)
4439,13,1,13,"Barney: Sorry, Ted, I won't be able to make foxy boxing tonight."
4440,13,1,13,Ted: I understand.
4441,13,1,13,"Lily: OK, let's not lose hope. We'll call the hotel, maybe she was staying there. We'll have them check the registry for anyone named Victoria. Or maybe she goes by Vicky or Tori..."
4442,13,1,13,Marshall: Or Ictor. Probably doesn't go by Ictor.
4443,13,1,13,"Ted: No, you know what? This is fate. I am never supposed to see this girl again. That was the whole point of the night. I've just been saved from myself. Let's drink many beers."
4444,13,1,13,Marshall: Agreed.
4445,13,1,13,(Marshall and Ted clink beer glasses)
4446,13,1,13,"Future Ted VO: And I thought that was the end of it, but then..."
4447,13,1,13,INT. APARTMENT
4448,13,1,13,"(Lily sits on couch reading magazine, knock at door, Lily gets up and opens door, Robin comes in)"
4449,13,1,13,"Lily: Hey, there's the anchor lady! How was it?"
4450,13,1,13,"Robin: Oh, I don't know. Why don't you ask the new substitute weekend anchor. Robin? Thanks, Robin, it was awesome. Back to you, Robin."
4451,13,1,13,"Lily: Congrats, that's so cool."
4452,13,1,13,"(Lily and Robin hug, then sit down on couch)"
4453,13,1,13,"Robin: Yeah, I felt really bad bailing on Ted though."
4454,13,1,13,"Lily: Oh, don't even worry about it. In fact..."
4455,13,1,13,"(flashbacks of Ted and Victoria running out of reception with bouquet, Victoria sitting next to Ted on piano bench, Victoria doing her cartwheel)"
4456,13,1,13,"Future Ted VO: And then Lily told her the whole story, right down to the brown shoes with the little snowflakes on them, and by the end of it..."
4457,13,1,13,"(back to present scene, Robin sits there with her mouth agape)"
4458,13,1,13,Lily: What?
4459,13,1,13,Robin: I know who she is.
4460,13,1,13,"Lily: You know who she is? But, you weren't even at the wedding."
4461,13,1,13,"Robin: Actually, I kind of was."
4462,13,1,13,Lily: What?
4463,13,1,13,"Robin: Well, after the newscast, I was so excited, I decided to surprise Ted by going to the reception."
4464,13,1,13,"(flashback to Robin walking in hallway of reception in her red dress, she stops at doorway of piano room and sees Ted and Victoria lean in as if to kiss each other, Robin walks away and walks into bathroom, Robin goes into stall and sits down and starts to cry)"
4465,13,1,13,Robin: Dammit. Stop it. What the hell?
4466,13,1,13,Victoria: Hello? You OK in there?
4467,13,1,13,"Robin: Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Just allergies or something. I'm fine."
4468,13,1,13,"Victoria: Listen, do you wanna come and cry out here? I've been told I'm an excellent hugger."
4469,13,1,13,"Robin: Oh, thanks, but I don't actually cry in front of people, or cry at all for that matter. Man, it's gross. Does everyone snot up this much when they cry?"
4470,13,1,13,"Victoria: Hey, you're speaking to a fellow snotter. So, why are you crying?"
4471,13,1,13,(back to present scene)
4472,13,1,13,Lily: Because you have feelings for Ted.
4473,13,1,13,"Robin: I don't know, maybe."
4474,13,1,13,"Lily: OK, what is wrong with the two of you?! Seriously. He likes you and you like him, just, just, just be together. Geez, Louise, happiness is not that difficult."
4475,13,1,13,"Robin: Oh, look, OK. Yes, I cried in the bathroom, and that was weird. But that doesn't mean I'm in love with the guy. The fact is I don't know how I feel."
4476,13,1,13,Lily: Yes you do. Seeing him with someone else and crying about it. Guess what? That's how you feel. That is nothing but how you feel.
4477,13,1,13,"Robin: OK, fine, I have feelings for him. Happy? Lily: Kinda, yeah."
4478,13,1,13,Robin: But it doesn't change anything. I still don't wanna get married and he's still... Ted. What I should do is just tell him who Victoria is so he could be happy.
4479,13,1,13,Lily: Or you could tell him you're into him and then you could both be happy.
4480,13,1,13,Robin: I'm gonna go find him.
4481,13,1,13,(Robin walks towards the front door)
4482,13,1,13,"Lily: Well, wait. Which one are you gonna tell him?"
4483,13,1,13,Robin: I have no idea.
4484,13,1,13,INT. MACLAREN'S
4485,13,1,13,"(Marshall, Ted and Barney sit at booth)"
4486,13,1,13,"Barney: And here's the most amazing part. Because I told her I converted all my money to India dollars, she gave me fifty bucks to take a cab to the airport. That's right, I just got paid for s*x."
4487,13,1,13,(Barney takes a 50-dollar bill out of his pocket)
4488,13,1,13,Barney: I really should give this money to the Peace Corps. They've done so much for me lately.
4489,13,1,13,(Robin walks up to booth)
4490,13,1,13,"Robin: Hi, guys,"
4491,13,1,13,Ted: Hey.
4492,13,1,13,"Robin: Um, Ted, can I talk to you outside for a second?"
4493,13,1,13,Ted: Sure. What's up?
4494,13,1,13,"(Ted gets up, Ted's phone rings)"
4495,13,1,13,"Robin: Uh, I, I have to tell you something."
4496,13,1,13,Ted: Oh.
4497,13,1,13,"Robin: Oh, just get it."
4498,13,1,13,(Ted answers his phone)
4499,13,1,13,Ted: Hello.
4500,13,1,13,(Stuart sitting in airport on phone with Ted)
4501,13,1,13,"Stuart: Ted, it's Stuart. My lovely bride would like to say something to you."
4502,13,1,13,(Stuart passes phone to Claudia)
4503,13,1,13,Claudia: Ted. I'm sorry I hung up on you earlier. My new husband and a vodka cranberry which cost $10.50 at the freakin' airport bar. When is this plane going to board?!
4504,13,1,13,Stuart: Sweet pea.
4505,13,1,13,Claudia: Have helped me realize that sometimes I can act like a crazy person. And I don't want my new husband to think I'm a crazy person.
4506,13,1,13,(Ted on phone)
4507,13,1,13,"Ted: It's fine, Claudia. Don't worry about it."
4508,13,1,13,(Marshall whispers to Ted about cake and makes cake-eating motions)
4509,13,1,13,"Ted: Oh, um, Marshall wanted to know where you guys got that cake."
4510,13,1,13,(Claudia on phone)
4511,13,1,13,Claudia: Cake.
4512,13,1,13,(Robin looks at Ted) (flashback to Victoria passing bouquet to Robin under bathroom stall door)
4513,13,1,13,Victoria: Why don't you take this? Sounds like you could use it.
4514,13,1,13,"Robin: Thanks. You're very sweet. So, are you a friend of the bride or groom?"
4515,13,1,13,(back to present scene of Claudia on phone)
4516,13,1,13,Claudia: We got it at this little bakery downtown.
4517,13,1,13,(flashback to Victoria and Robin talking in bathroom)
4518,13,1,13,"Victoria: Actually, neither."
4519,13,1,13,(back to present scene of Claudia on phone)
4520,13,1,13,Claudia: It's called the Buttercup Bakery.
4521,13,1,13,(flashback to Ted and Victoria sitting at reception)
4522,13,1,13,"Pleased to meet you, Buttercup."
4523,13,1,13,(flashback to Victoria talking to Robin in bathroom)
4524,13,1,13,Victoria: I made the cake.
4525,13,1,13,(back to present scene)
4526,13,1,13,(Ted hangs up phone)
4527,13,1,13,Ted: She made the cake.
4528,13,1,13,(back from commercial break)
4529,13,1,13,Ted: Buttercup Bakery. She wasn't on the guest list because she wasn't a guest. She made the cake.
4530,13,1,13,"Marshall: She made that cake. Ted, this is the girl. You gotta marry her, today. She has to move in with us."
4531,13,1,13,Ted: I'm going down to that bakery.
4532,13,1,13,"Lily: No, no, don't do it."
4533,13,1,13,"Marshall: Baby, what are you talking about?!"
4534,13,1,13,"Ted: Yeah, all day long, you've been busting my apple bag about finding this girl."
4535,13,1,13,"Lily: Well, I just think that maybe she's not that into you and that's why she didn't give you her number. Robin, care to chime in with anything? Robin: Yes. Ted. Go get her."
4536,13,1,13,Ted: Going. Getting.
4537,13,1,13,"(Ted turns to leave, Barney gets up also)"
4538,13,1,13,"Barney: Ted, oh my gosh, I love this moment. You know why? Because I'm gonna say it and this time you're actually gonna say yes. You ready? You ready to say yes? Ted, suit up!"
4539,13,1,13,Ted: Yes! No.
4540,13,1,13,Barney: Oh come on!
4541,13,1,13,(flashback to Ted and Victoria returning to reception hall to find everyone has left)
4542,13,1,13,Ted: Whoa. Guess we were gone a while.
4543,13,1,13,"Victoria: Well, that's too bad. I was looking forward to one last dance."
4544,13,1,13,"(Ted sees little boom box on table and turns it on, Ted and Victoria begin to dance)"
4545,13,1,13,"Ted: Why yes I am. Sorry, I could tell what you were just thinking."
4546,13,1,13,"Victoria: Wow, what was I thinking?"
4547,13,1,13,"Ted: Damn, he's looking mighty fine in that tux."
4548,13,1,13,"Victoria: You got me, you are good."
4549,13,1,13,"Ted: You know, I don't look like this every day. On a real weekend, the real Ted wears a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt with bleach stains on it."
4550,13,1,13,Victoria: The real Ted sounds real sexy. It's too bad I'll never get to see it.
4551,13,1,13,(back to present scene)
4552,13,1,13,INT. CAB
4553,13,1,13,"(Ted sitting up front in sweatshirt, Barney, Lily and Marshall sit in back of cab)"
4554,13,1,13,Lily: Buttercup Bakery. This is it.
4555,13,1,13,"Marshall: Good luck, dude. Grab me a cupcake."
4556,13,1,13,"Barney: Ted, you still with us?"
4557,13,1,13,"(flashback to Ted and Victoria dancing, they lean in to kiss but pull away)"
4558,13,1,13,Ted: Tell me your last name.
4559,13,1,13,(Victoria shakes her head)
4560,13,1,13,"Ted: You know, there's one little flaw in our plan."
4561,13,1,13,Victoria: What's that?
4562,13,1,13,Ted: I'm gonna go home tonight with a lot of great memories and one really sucky memory: the memory of you walking out that door.
4563,13,1,13,(Victoria pulls away from Ted)
4564,13,1,13,"Victoria: Hey, Ted."
4565,13,1,13,Ted: Yeah?
4566,13,1,13,"Victoria: Close your eyes, and count to five."
4567,13,1,13,(Ted closes his eyes)
4568,13,1,13,"Ted: One, two, three, four, five."
4569,13,1,13,(Ted opens his eyes to find Victoria gone)
4570,13,1,13,(back to present scene)
4571,13,1,13,"Ted: And to our dying day, we will remember everything about that night as perfect. Maybe we both need that. So many things go wrong in life, but this is the one thing that never will. It'll always, always be pure, unadulterated awesome. If I walk in there, I'm robbing both of us of what could be..."
4572,13,1,13,"Barney: The meter's running, dude. Crap or get off the pot."
4573,13,1,13,Ted: OK.
4574,13,1,13,(Ted gets out of cab)
4575,13,1,13,INT. BUTTERCUP BAKERY
4576,13,1,13,"(Ted stands outside bakery looking in to see Victoria icing a cupcake, Ted enters bakery, bell on door tinkles, Victoria turns her head to see Ted standing there)"
4577,13,1,13,Victoria: Oh thank God.
4578,13,1,13,(Victoria rushes towards Ted and they kiss)
4579,14,1,14,"Ted from 2030: When you meet someone special, suddenly life is full of firsts. The first kiss. The first night together. The first weekend together. For me, all those firsts happened within 48 hours of meeting Victoria."
4580,14,1,14,The appartment
4581,14,1,14,"Marshall: They have to come out soon, it's Monday."
4582,14,1,14,Lily: Do you think they've been in there the whole time? I don't know whether to be proud or concerned.
4583,14,1,14,Marshall: Maybe they're not even in there.
4584,14,1,14,(The door of Ted's room opens and Marshall Lily runs away from it)
4585,14,1,14,Victoria: Good morning.
4586,14,1,14,"Ted: Hey, guys."
4587,14,1,14,Victoria: I'm just going to ignore that.
4588,14,1,14,Marshall: Thank you!
4589,14,1,14,Ted: I wish you could stay.
4590,14,1,14,"Victoria: I know, me, too. But I have to go to work, and you have that meeting."
4591,14,1,14,Ted: Call you afterwards?
4592,14,1,14,Victoria: I'll inappropriately text you during. Bye.
4593,14,1,14,Ted: Bye.
4594,14,1,14,Marshall: Two days straight?!
4595,14,1,14,"Lily: Wow, your room must smell like a monkey cage!"
4596,14,1,14,"Marshall: Come on, give us a number. Lily guessed eight, but I know my boy got to double digits."
4597,14,1,14,Ted: Zero.
4598,14,1,14,Marshall: What?
4599,14,1,14,Lily: What?
4600,14,1,14,"Ted: Guys, we just met. And we both screwed up relationships in the past by jumping in too quick, so we talked about it, and we decided to take this one slow."
4601,14,1,14,Marshall: Her idea.
4602,14,1,14,"Ted: Totally her idea! But, I don't know, I'm really into this girl, and if going slow is what it takes to make this happen, I say bring it on."
4603,14,1,14,[3 weeks later]
4604,14,1,14,The Bar
4605,14,1,14,Ted: I don't feel so good. t's like my testicles mixed pop rocks and soda.
4606,14,1,14,Marshall: I can't believe she's making you wait a whole month. I would never put up with that.
4607,14,1,14,Ted: You've only had s*x with one girl in your whole life.
4608,14,1,14,Lily: Burn!
4609,14,1,14,"Barney: Ted, the only reason to wait a month for s*x is if the girl is 17 years, 11 months old."
4610,14,1,14,Robin: Good news: I don't have to cover the cat show tomorrow night. Who's up for hanging out?
4611,14,1,14,"Ted: Oh, I can't, I'm taking Victoria out for dinner."
4612,14,1,14,"Lily: No, no, we can't, it's our nine-year anniversary."
4613,14,1,14,"Robin: Wow, nine years? Your relationship's a fourth grader. Congrats."
4614,14,1,14,Lily: Thanks. We're going to the Berkshires for the maple syrup harvest.
4615,14,1,14,"Marshall: It's one of New York Magazine's ""Top five romantic getaways on a budget."" Who says sexual can't be sensible?"
4616,14,1,14,"Robin: Well, looks like it's going to be just you and me."
4617,14,1,14,Barney: Really?
4618,14,1,14,"Robin: Actually, I was talking to my martini."
4619,14,1,14,The appartment
4620,14,1,14,Marshall: Ready to go?
4621,14,1,14,"Lily: Hell, yeah. Nothing better than a weekend at a good bed and breakfast."
4622,14,1,14,Marshall: Yeah. Waking up for breakfast at 7:00 A.M....Sharp.
4623,14,1,14,Lily: Complimenting the odors and their collection of needle-point geese.
4624,14,1,14,Marshall: Awkward conversations with middle-aged couples trying to stave off divorce.
4625,14,1,14,"Lily: Yeah, well, we'd better get going, it's like a four-hour drive."
4626,14,1,14,Marshall: And it's supposed to rain tonight.
4627,14,1,14,Lily: Or we could just stay home.
4628,14,1,14,Marshall: Maybe watch some TV.
4629,14,1,14,Lily: Order in some Chinese.
4630,14,1,14,"Marshall: Oh, Sichuan Garden! Are we really bailing?"
4631,14,1,14,"Lily: Hell, yeah."
4632,14,1,14,"Marshall: Good, cause this thing's empty."
4633,14,1,14,The Bar
4634,14,1,14,"Barney: Hundred dollars says when you turn around, I say ""wow."""
4635,14,1,14,"Robin: Barney, this is the third time you've hit on me by accident."
4636,14,1,14,Barney: It's one of the many risks of the blind approach. It's usually a two-man operation where Ted signals that the target is hot. But Ted's too busy being in a lesbian relationship.
4637,14,1,14,Robin: Why don't you just check out the girl's reflection in the bar mirror?
4638,14,1,14,Barney: You can't just... Wow!
4639,14,1,14,Robin: Hey? What's taking so long? I have to go.
4640,14,1,14,"Barney: Not so fast, Scherbotsky. I like the way you think. That mirror thing. Simple. Elegant. Okay, limited-time offer: I need a ""bro"" for my bro-ings on about town. How would you like to be said bro?"
4641,14,1,14,"Robin: Well, as tempting as that sounds, I'm hanging out with my friend who just got dumped. She really needs some support... or a stranger's tongue down her throat. That seems healthy. All right. Guess I'm in."
4642,14,1,14,In a cab
4643,14,1,14,Victoria: So... one more week and it'll be a month.
4644,14,1,14,"Ted: Really? Are you sure? Wow, that snuck up on me."
4645,14,1,14,"Victoria: Oh, come on."
4646,14,1,14,Ted: The 18th can't get here fast enough.
4647,14,1,14,"Victoria: Wait, the 18th? Oh, crap! I can't believe I forgot this... I'm going to be out of town on the 18th!"
4648,14,1,14,"Ted: Oh. Well, um, we can just... wait until you get back. I mean, the whole point was not to rush into this."
4649,14,1,14,Victoria: Yeah. Or we could do it tonight.
4650,14,1,14,Ted: 75th and Amsterdam.
4651,14,1,14,In the bathroom
4652,14,1,14,Lily: I'm so glad we decided to just stay home.
4653,14,1,14,"Marshall: Oh, I know. Can you imagine if we'd gone? We'd be just getting there now, all tired and cranky."
4654,14,1,14,Lily: And yet we'd feel obligated to have s*x.
4655,14,1,14,"Marshall: Yeah, for 89 bucks a night, we're doing it. I would like to propose a toast. To the most awesomely mellow anniversary ever."
4656,14,1,14,"(Ted and Victoria enters the appartment, kissing)"
4657,14,1,14,Ted: I'm so glad you have to go to your parents' next weekend.
4658,14,1,14,Victoria: I'm so glad your roommates are out of town.
4659,14,1,14,"Lily: Oh, my God, what are they doing home?"
4660,14,1,14,"Marshall: They think we went away. Oh, it is on for my boy, Ted."
4661,14,1,14,"Lily: But we didn't go away, we're in the bathroom."
4662,14,1,14,Marshall: They don't know that. All we have to do is hide out in here until Ted moves his mojo into the bedroom.
4663,14,1,14,Lily: But I don't want to hide out in here.
4664,14,1,14,"Marshall: Honey, Ted has been going out of his mind waiting for this. If we go out there and spoil the mood, it's not going to happen. Then one of us is going to have to have s*x with Ted, and... not going to be me."
4665,14,1,14,"Lily: Okay, fine. I guess I'll actually floss."
4666,14,1,14,In a bar
4667,14,1,14,Barney: You suited up!
4668,14,1,14,"Robin: Well, I figured if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right."
4669,14,1,14,Barney: Emilio? The woman will have...
4670,14,1,14,"Robin: I'll have a Johnny Walker Blue, neat, and a Montecristo No. 2 Thanks."
4671,14,1,14,"Barney: Ah, the No. 2, a.k.a. ""The Torpedo."" Or, as the rollers call it, ""Piramide."""
4672,14,1,14,"Robin: My father was a cigar fanatic, it was the only way to get his attention."
4673,14,1,14,Barney: Father issues. Hot.
4674,14,1,14,Robin: I know... I was this close to being a huge slut.
4675,14,1,14,"Barney: Slut would have been better, but I'll settle for bro. Especially now that Ted's with Victoria and can't drink. Because he's pregnant. Cause he's the girl."
4676,14,1,14,"Robin: Oh, come on, Ted can't be pregnant. You need to have s*x to get pregnant."
4677,14,1,14,Barney: What up! Freeze frame high five!
4678,14,1,14,The appartment
4679,14,1,14,Victoria: I think this may be a perfect moment. I wish we could hold onto it forever.
4680,14,1,14,"Ted: No. Because the beauty of a moment is that it's fleeting. By its very nature, it... slips through our fingers... making it that much more precious."
4681,14,1,14,"(In the bathroom, Lily and Marshall are ears dropping...)"
4682,14,1,14,"Lily: Ugh, that is bad. That is, like, high-school-literary-magazine bad."
4683,14,1,14,Marshall: And they're not even high.
4684,14,1,14,Lily: It's actually working.
4685,14,1,14,"Marshall: Yeah, smooth but slowly. God, close the deal, already. It's been, like, 45 minutes... we could have had s*x three times by now."
4686,14,1,14,"Lily: Yeah, try five."
4687,14,1,14,Marshall: What up! Maybe we should just go out there.
4688,14,1,14,Lily: No way! We can't go out there now. They'll know that we've been sitting in the bathroom the whole time. It'll be too weird.
4689,14,1,14,Marshall: Fine. But if we're stuck in here... I'm turning up the volume. Shh. Shh.
4690,14,1,14,(Marshall opens the door)
4691,14,1,14,"Victoria: I want to know you. Like, know your soul. Ted, what makes you cry?"
4692,14,1,14,"Lily: Honey, could you hold my hair back, I think I'm going to hurl."
4693,14,1,14,In a bar
4694,14,1,14,Robin: So. What do you and Ted usually do after the cigar bar?
4695,14,1,14,Barney: Are you kidding? Ted's never been here. You've already flown higher and faster than he ever did. Still...
4696,14,1,14,Robin: What?
4697,14,1,14,Barney: There is one other thing we could do. If you're up for it.
4698,14,1,14,At Laser-Tag
4699,14,1,14,"Robin: Oh, I had no idea laser tag still existed!"
4700,14,1,14,"Barney: Yeah, well, enjoy it before it becomes cool again. I give it two months."
4701,14,1,14,"Robin: Oh, I believe it... this is awesome!"
4702,14,1,14,"Barney: Okay, follow my lead, stay low, and never underestimate a 12-year-old with a... Scherbotsky, you have to focus! You just saved my life, didn't you?"
4703,14,1,14,Robin: Thank me later. Let's keep moving. These little bastards are everywhere.
4704,14,1,14,The appartment
4705,14,1,14,Marshall: He's just staring into her eyes.
4706,14,1,14,"Lily: I don't know, we used to be even more nauseatingly into each other than Ted and Victoria. Now look at us."
4707,14,1,14,Marshall: Yeah... now we just make fun of people like that. It's the circle of life.
4708,14,1,14,"Lily: No, I'm serious, Marshall. I mean, we couldn't even get it up to go on our big trip. And now we're celebrating our anniversary stuck in a bathroom."
4709,14,1,14,"Marshall: Well, it's not fair to compare us to Ted and Victoria. This is their first time."
4710,14,1,14,"Lily: Yeah, but we could still have some more romance. Now, you just say, ""Want to do it?"" And I say, ""Yeah."""
4711,14,1,14,Marshall: Want to...
4712,14,1,14,Lily: No! Maybe we're just out of firsts.
4713,14,1,14,Marshall: Looks like they're about to have theirs.
4714,14,1,14,Ted: Should we take this to the bedroom?
4715,14,1,14,Marshall: Yes!
4716,14,1,14,Lily: Yes!
4717,14,1,14,Victoria: Yes.
4718,14,1,14,Marshall: Yes!
4719,14,1,14,Lily: Yes!
4720,14,1,14,(Ted's phone starts ringing)
4721,14,1,14,"Marshall: No. No, don't answer it!"
4722,14,1,14,Victoria: You can answer it. We have all night.
4723,14,1,14,Marshall: You're answering it? He's answering it!
4724,14,1,14,Lily: No! Do her! Do her now!
4725,14,1,14,Ted: Sure. Good luck with that. (He hangs up) Sorry about that.
4726,14,1,14,Victoria: How about a little more wine?
4727,14,1,14,Ted: I'll get another bottle.
4728,14,1,14,Lily: I need a drink. Do we have any cough syrup in here?
4729,14,1,14,Marshall: Shh...
4730,14,1,14,
4731,14,1,14,At Laser-Tag
4732,14,1,14,"Robin: Oh, God. These brats have us completely surrounded. I counted nine, maybe ten. I'll lay down some cover fire, you make a run for it."
4733,14,1,14,Barney: No. Leave no man behind. Either we all get out of here or no one does.
4734,14,1,14,Robin: But I...
4735,14,1,14,"Barney: Don't be a hero, Scherbotsky."
4736,14,1,14,Robin: See you on the other side.
4737,14,1,14,Barney: Damn. Want to go get a soft pretzel?
4738,14,1,14,Robin: Yeah.
4739,14,1,14,Barney: All right.
4740,14,1,14,The appartment
4741,14,1,14,"Lily: Marshall, what happened to us? We used to just stare into each other's eyes all night long. Have we lost that?"
4742,14,1,14,"Marshall: Maybe. But I think I just found it. Right here. Baby, I'm giving you sexy smoldering with just a hint of crazy eyes."
4743,14,1,14,"Lily: Okay, well, get ready for my sex-ray vision. Did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning? Oh, damn it."
4744,14,1,14,Marshall: It's all right. We can do this.
4745,14,1,14,Lily: Let's just hold hands. This is nice.
4746,14,1,14,Marshall: You love that move. It's a classic Marshall.
4747,14,1,14,"Lily: All right, we totally suck at this. We really, really need to get out of here."
4748,14,1,14,"Marshall: Well, we can't."
4749,14,1,14,"Lily: Baby, there's something I have to do, and if I do it in front of you, it'll change the entire nature of our relationship."
4750,14,1,14,Marshall: What is it?
4751,14,1,14,Lily: I have to pee.
4752,14,1,14,Marshall: This is bad.
4753,14,1,14,Lily: Yeah.
4754,14,1,14,Marshall: We've gone nine years without peeing in front of each other. You always think there'll be more time.
4755,14,1,14,"Lily: Look at us. We're basically an old married couple, and we're not even married yet. The flame of our romance is flickering, and if I pee all over it, it might go out forever."
4756,14,1,14,Marshall: How much longer do you think you can hold it?
4757,14,1,14,Lily: I drank a Big Gulp of Mountain Dew during that Quantum Leap marathon.
4758,14,1,14,"Marshall: Oh, boy."
4759,14,1,14,The Bar
4760,14,1,14,Robin: Playing laser tag really takes me back. You know what game I really miss? Battleship. I've never lost a game.
4761,14,1,14,Barney: Neither have I. Of course I cheat.
4762,14,1,14,"Robin: Oh, yeah, me, too. The trick is to bend the aircraft carrier so it makes an L."
4763,14,1,14,Barney: Ah. I always just stacked the ships on top of each other.
4764,14,1,14,"Robin: Nice. You know, we should have a cheaters grudge match. I think I still have a... Hello. Target acquired. Hottie by the jukebox."
4765,14,1,14,"Barney: Ooh, good eye, Scherbotsky. I got someone for you. Two o'clock, blue shirt."
4766,14,1,14,Robin: That's a woman.
4767,14,1,14,"Barney: Oh, my mistake. Or is it?"
4768,14,1,14,Robin: Let's just focus on your target.
4769,14,1,14,Barney: Right.
4770,14,1,14,"Robin: Yeah, I got this one. Oh, my God. I love your jeans."
4771,14,1,14,Woman: Okay. Is this a lesbian bar? Because that girl with the blue shirt just...
4772,14,1,14,"Robin: Oh, no. I am all about the dudes. Although pickings are pretty slim tonight. Only hot guy here is blondie in the suit, and he's playing hard to get."
4773,14,1,14,Woman: Really? 'Cause he's totally vibing me right now. Must be the jeans.
4774,14,1,14,"Robin: Well, jeans will only get you so far. I'm going home with him."
4775,14,1,14,Woman: We'll see about that.
4776,14,1,14,The appartment
4777,14,1,14,"Lily: Oh, my God, I hate Ted. I hate him so much."
4778,14,1,14,"Marshall: Baby, why don't you just go? Tons of other couples have peed in front of each other."
4779,14,1,14,"Lily: No, but we haven't, because I want to keep some of the mystery alive."
4780,14,1,14,"Marshall: Well, you have farted in front of me."
4781,14,1,14,"Lily: Yes, but I always cover it with a cough."
4782,14,1,14,Marshall: You always do.
4783,14,1,14,The Bar
4784,14,1,14,Barney: Hey.
4785,14,1,14,Robin: Hey.
4786,14,1,14,Barney: Let's get out of here. Let's go somewhere else.
4787,14,1,14,Robin: What happened?
4788,14,1,14,"Barney: Eh, you sometimes like to do a little catch and release."
4789,14,1,14,Robin: But why?
4790,14,1,14,Barney: Leave no man behind. Either we all score or no one scores.
4791,14,1,14,"Robin: Right on. Hey, you want to go play Battleship?"
4792,14,1,14,Barney: Hit!
4793,14,1,14,The appartment
4794,14,1,14,"Victoria: Ted, I can't wait any longer."
4795,14,1,14,Ted: Should we move to the bedroom?
4796,14,1,14,Victoria: There's no time for that.
4797,14,1,14,"Marshall: They can suck on each other's fingers for an hour, but there's no time to take two steps to the bedroom?"
4798,14,1,14,"Lily: Baby, I can't hold it in any longer. It's time."
4799,14,1,14,Marshall: I know.
4800,14,1,14,"Lily: I love you, Marshall."
4801,14,1,14,"Marshall: I love you, Lily."
4802,14,1,14,In front of Robin's appartment
4803,14,1,14,"You know, Barney, I had a surprisingly good time bro-ing out tonight."
4804,14,1,14,"Barney: Well, you make a good bro. You're a better Ted than Ted. Hey, in fact, you have just earned yourself an invite to Marshall's bachelor party. And you don't even have to come out of the cake."
4805,14,1,14,"Robin: Thanks. And, um, thanks for sticking around tonight. I hope you're ready for some hard-core Battleship. Come on, boys."
4806,14,1,14,Barney: Hard-core? That's the only way I play. (Barney strips down)
4807,14,1,14,Robin: I found it. Are you ready to... What the hell are you doing?
4808,14,1,14,"Barney: I'm birthday suiting up.vI'm sorry, did you want to undress me?"
4809,14,1,14,Robin: No! I thought we were just hanging out as friends.
4810,14,1,14,"Barney: Oh, come on, you have been throwing yourself at me all night."
4811,14,1,14,Robin: What?! I did the opposite! I threw some other girl at you.
4812,14,1,14,"Barney: You invited me up to your apartment to ""play Battleship."" Is that not an internationally recognized term for s*x?"
4813,14,1,14,Robin: No.
4814,14,1,14,Barney: Great. I hope you're happy. You sunk my battleship.
4815,14,1,14,The appartment
4816,14,1,14,Lily: I'm okay. You okay?
4817,14,1,14,"Marshall: I feel the same. And yet, strangely different."
4818,14,1,14,"Lily: I'm happy for my bladder, yet sad for us."
4819,14,1,14,"Marshall: You had to do it, sweetie... for Ted. And, hey, look, at least now we can stay in here as long as it takes."
4820,14,1,14,"Lily: Yeah. I guess our relationship had to take a hit so a new one out there could blossom. Oh, crap!"
4821,14,1,14,Marshall: They must have heard that.
4822,14,1,14,"Lily: Well, I guess we can come out now. I don't believe it. They're gone."
4823,14,1,14,Marshall: Good. 'Cause I got to take a whiz.
4824,14,1,14,At Robin's
4825,14,1,14,"Robin: Okay, you and me, that's insane. If you even thought about it for one second..."
4826,14,1,14,"Barney: But I have thought about it for three seconds, and it makes a lot of sense. We both think the marriage commitment thing's a drag. We both want something casual and fun. And we clearly get along really well."
4827,14,1,14,"Robin: Wow, that actually did make a lot of sense. But what about Ted?"
4828,14,1,14,Barney: I checked with Ted.
4829,14,1,14,[FLASHBACK]
4830,14,1,14,"Barney: Ted, so now that things with you and Victoria are going pretty well, I assume you're over all the girls you were into before, right? I take your silence as a yes, so say I were to hook up with someone, say Robin, you'd be cool with that, right?"
4831,14,1,14,Ted: Sure. Good luck with that.
4832,14,1,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
4833,14,1,14,Barney: Totally gave us his blessing.
4834,14,1,14,Robin: Really?
4835,14,1,14,Barney: Really.
4836,14,1,14,Robin: So Ted didn't care that you wanted to make a move on me?
4837,14,1,14,Barney: Didn't care at all. Oh. Oh...
4838,14,1,14,Robin: What?
4839,14,1,14,Barney: You like Ted.
4840,14,1,14,Robin: I didn't say I liked Ted.
4841,14,1,14,Barney: You like Ted. Wow. This is huge.
4842,14,1,14,"Robin: Barney, I don't like Ted. He's moved on, and I'm really happy for..."
4843,14,1,14,"Barney: Yeah, yeah. Look, are we gonna play Battleship or what?"
4844,14,1,14,"Robin: You're not gonna tell him, are you?"
4845,14,1,14,Barney: No. That's the bro code. A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him. Just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro that the original bro went bare pickle in front of her. It's quid pro bro.
4846,14,1,14,Robin: A-7.
4847,14,1,14,Barney: Miss.
4848,14,1,14,Robin: Of course.
4849,14,1,14,The appartment
4850,14,1,14,"Marshall: Well, we still have one frontier left. Still got the deuce."
4851,14,1,14,Lily: Not making me feel better.
4852,14,1,14,"Marshall: Well, it certainly was a first."
4853,14,1,14,"Lily: It was, wasn't it? We still have firsts."
4854,14,1,14,"Marshall: Of course we do. And you know what, I actually feel closer to you now. I want to know you. Like, know your soul."
4855,14,1,14,"Lily: Marshall, what makes you cry?"
4856,14,1,14,Marshall: This moment is fleeting because it's being chased by another moment.
4857,14,1,14,"Lily: Oh, just grab my boob already."
4858,14,1,14,(Ted comes out of his room)
4859,14,1,14,"Ted: Come on, guys, get a room."
4860,15,1,15,"Ted from 2030: Kids, something you might not know about your Uncle Marshall is that he's always been good at games. I mean, unbeatable. Gin! Yahtzee! Poker!"
4861,15,1,15,"Ted: You don't have to shout out ""poker"" when you win."
4862,15,1,15,Marshall: I know. It's just fun to say.
4863,15,1,15,"Ted from 2030: We all finally agreed Marshall should be running our game nights instead of playing in them. Which he took to mean, ""invent your own game."""
4864,15,1,15,The Bar
4865,15,1,15,"Marshall: It's called ""Marsh-gammon."" It combines all the best features of all the best games... Candy Land, I Never, Pictionary."
4866,15,1,15,"Robin: Backgammon, obviously."
4867,15,1,15,"Marshall: No. Backgammon sucks. I took the only good part of backgammon, the ""gammon,"" and I left the rest of it in the trash where it belongs."
4868,15,1,15,Lily: I'm so excited Victoria's coming.
4869,15,1,15,Robin: I'm going to go get another round.
4870,15,1,15,"Ted: Okay, I want to lay down some ground rules for tonight. Barney, I actually like Victoria... a lot, so don't say anything embarrass... Don't say anything. And guys, I haven't exactly told Victoria that I used to have a kind of thing for Robin, so we you could just avoid the..."
4871,15,1,15,"Barney: Well, well, well. How rich. You make me promise to be on my best behavior around your girlfriend, yet, you have been lying to her since day one. Excuse me.Hi. Leg Warehouse? Yeah, my friend Ted needs something to stand on. So, nothing for him to stand on? Okay, and thanks so much. Ted, doesn't Victoria deserve to know that you once had the hots for Robin? I have half a mind to tell the story of the re-return."
4872,15,1,15,Ted: No. I-I swore you to secrecy on that.
4873,15,1,15,"Lily: Ooh, I am smelling dirt. What is the story of the re-return?"
4874,15,1,15,"Ted: Nothing. It's nothing. And speaking of digging up dirt, can I count on you two to behave around Victoria?"
4875,15,1,15,Lily: Us? What would we do?
4876,15,1,15,"Ted: Look, um, you guys have always been like the parents that I still have and, in fact, moved here to get away from. However, could we skip the traditional interrogation of the new girlfriend tonight?"
4877,15,1,15,Marshall: Fine.
4878,15,1,15,Lily: Fine.
4879,15,1,15,Ted: Thank you.
4880,15,1,15,Lily: I should go help Robin.
4881,15,1,15,Robin: Hey.
4882,15,1,15,"Lily: Hey. So, are you going to be okay hanging out with Victoria tonight?"
4883,15,1,15,"Robin: Oh, sure. She's great. Oh, what? Because of the whole thing where I said I liked Ted? No. Victoria's great. She's fun, she's free-spirited, she's great. I said, ""She's great"" too many times, didn't I?"
4884,15,1,15,Lily: You must really hate the bitch.
4885,15,1,15,The appartment
4886,15,1,15,"Marshall: But if you roll an even number while adjacent to the Peppermint Forest, then you ""Marshall out,"" and all your chips go into the pot, and remember, if you ever ask the question ""What?"", then... you got to drink. Got it?"
4887,15,1,15,All: No
4888,15,1,15,"Marshall: Okay, okay, no, no, we'll just start, you guys'll pick it up. Newbie goes first. Roll."
4889,15,1,15,Victoria: Okay.
4890,15,1,15,"Marshall: Three! You got Autobiography. Now, that's where you have to answer a personal question about your dating life truthfully in order to move on."
4891,15,1,15,"Ted: Marshall, come on."
4892,15,1,15,"Marshall: Hey, she's the one who rolled a three. Victoria, ""Have you ever cheated while in a relationship?"" Wow, good question."
4893,15,1,15,Ted: You don't have to answer that.
4894,15,1,15,"Victoria: It's okay. Um, well, I was in a really crappy relationship in college, and I wound up kissing this guy at a party one night, and I felt terrible about it, so, I came clean, and we broke up."
4895,15,1,15,"Marshall: Victoria, that was an honest and mature answer. You may advance to The Gumdrop Mountains."
4896,15,1,15,"Barney: So Victoria, did you ever re-return to this guy?"
4897,15,1,15,Victoria: What?
4898,15,1,15,"Marshall: You said what, you got to drink!"
4899,15,1,15,"Lily: Oh, Barney, by the way, I went to a party in that new building on 82nd, and the host said she knew you. What is her name? Sharon? Shannon?"
4900,15,1,15,"Barney: Shannon?! Shannon, Shannon... No, don't remember any Shannon."
4901,15,1,15,"Lily: Really? Well, 'cause she gave me a videotape to give..."
4902,15,1,15,Barney: Where's the tape?
4903,15,1,15,Lily: Fine. I'll go get it.
4904,15,1,15,"Barney: Cool, okay. You know, whenever."
4905,15,1,15,"Marshall: Okay, Robin, your roll. Five! Another Autobiography... for the player to your left, which... Victoria!"
4906,15,1,15,Ted: Of course.
4907,15,1,15,"Marshall: Victoria, ""How many boyfriends did you have before you started dating Ted?"""
4908,15,1,15,"Ted: Wait, the card actually says ""Ted?"""
4909,15,1,15,"Victoria: Okay, uh, well, boyfriends--I guess I've only had... two."
4910,15,1,15,Robin: Prude alert.
4911,15,1,15,Victoria: Well... that's serious boyfriends. I've dated other guys in between.
4912,15,1,15,"Robin: Oh, slut alert!"
4913,15,1,15,"Barney: Oh, great, there it is. Thanks, Lily. You're a peach. Oh, wow, look at that. Robin landed on the Chocolate Swamp. That's five chips for me."
4914,15,1,15,Marshall: Thank you! Finally somebody understands Marsh-gammon.
4915,15,1,15,"Lily: Barney, what was on that tape?"
4916,15,1,15,Barney: Too bad you'll never find out.
4917,15,1,15,"Lily: Oh, damn it! If only I'd given you a fake tape and hidden the real tape in my purse. Oh, wait. That's exactly what I did."
4918,15,1,15,Barney: What?!
4919,15,1,15,Marshall: Drink!
4920,15,1,15,"Lily: Yeah, you were acting so weird about it, I gave you Ted's graduation tape instead. So, should we pop it in?"
4921,15,1,15,"Barney: Give it to me, give it, give me..."
4922,15,1,15,"Ted: Play the tape, play it, play it!"
4923,15,1,15,"Barney: Ted! Fine, fine. You cannot play it. Shannon! I love you! I love you so much. What about us changing the world together? Don't tell me you've forgotten. I know I haven't. Will I ever see another rainbow? Will an eagle ever soar through this tempest of woe? Baby, please Don't go There's a thief in the palace, she's stolen all my love There's a thief in the palace and she's..."
4924,15,1,15,(Barney stands up and leave the appartment)
4925,15,1,15,The Bar
4926,15,1,15,Marshall: Did you try his cell phone?
4927,15,1,15,"Ted: Yeah, I left two messages. I checked the cigar club, the Lusty Leopard. He's off the grid."
4928,15,1,15,(Barney arrives)
4929,15,1,15,"Barney: Hey, guys, what up?"
4930,15,1,15,"Robin: Barney, where have you been?"
4931,15,1,15,"Ted: Yeah, we're-we're really sorry about that."
4932,15,1,15,"Lily: Yeah, so sorry. But seriously, what was up with the tape? No, no, stay."
4933,15,1,15,All: Come on. Stay!
4934,15,1,15,"Barney: I'm sorry. I don't want to talk about it. It was the most embarrassing, and humiliating thing that ever happened to me."
4935,15,1,15,"Marshall: Well, we all have embarrassing stories. Sometimes it's good to-to talk about it."
4936,15,1,15,"Barney: Oh, really? Then why don't you tell us your most humiliating moment, Marshall? Show me how good it is."
4937,15,1,15,Marshall: All right.
4938,15,1,15,[FLASHBACK]
4939,15,1,15,"Marshall: I was stopping by Lily's kindergarten class to say hi, but they were all at recess. I really had to pee, so I went into the class's restroom. It was a-a smaller target than I'm used to, so I figured I should sit down. What I didn't realize was, it was a shared bathroom. I wish I'd pulled up my pants."
4940,15,1,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
4941,15,1,15,Lily: The kids still call him Funny Butt.
4942,15,1,15,"Barney: Okay. I'll tell you my story. Believe it or not, I was not always as awesome as I am today."
4943,15,1,15,[FLASHBACK]
4944,15,1,15,"Barney: It was 1998. I was just out of college, and I was working at a coffeehouse with my girlfriend. My girlfriend... *Shannon. Yeah, you were meant for me And I was meant for you. Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh.* Thank you. All right."
4945,15,1,15,"Shannon: I love your singing, Barney."
4946,15,1,15,"Barney: And I love you, Shannon."
4947,15,1,15,Shannon: Joining the Peace Corps with you is gonna be legendary.
4948,15,1,15,Barney: I know. Only five short weeks till we're down in Nicaragua.
4949,15,1,15,"Man: Hey, nonfat latte to go."
4950,15,1,15,"Barney: Mellow order, bro, mellow order."
4951,15,1,15,"Man: Dude, that your g-friend? All right, high five!"
4952,15,1,15,"Barney: Sorry, I only give high twos."
4953,15,1,15,Man: Whatevs. As long as you're nailing that.
4954,15,1,15,"Barney: Listen to you. That? You know, women aren't objects. They're human beings. And FYI, Shannon and I have decided to wait till we're married. You can read about it in my zine."
4955,15,1,15,"Man: Hey, haircut, right here. Open up your knowledge basket, 'cause here it comes. Forget that touchy-feely crap. You get money, you get laid. End of discussion."
4956,15,1,15,"Barney: I feel sorry for you, man."
4957,15,1,15,"Man: Peace out, hombre."
4958,15,1,15,"Barney: Suits. Five weeks later, we were all set to leave for the Peace Corps. Only problem was... she never showed up."
4959,15,1,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
4960,15,1,15,Robin: She never showed?
4961,15,1,15,"Ted: So, what happened next?"
4962,15,1,15,Barney: You know what? This was a mistake.
4963,15,1,15,Lily: Wait... What if somebody else told their most humiliating story?
4964,15,1,15,"Marshall: Oh, I know just how to decide who."
4965,15,1,15,Lily: You brought the game to the bar?
4966,15,1,15,"Marshall: Well, we're not quitting just 'cause Ted's so far ahead."
4967,15,1,15,Ted: I was winning?
4968,15,1,15,Robin: Fine. I'll go next.
4969,15,1,15,
4970,15,1,15,[FLASHBACK]
4971,15,1,15,Robin: I was doing a report on live TV about a hansom cab driver.
4972,15,1,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
4973,15,1,15,Barney: Not the slipping-in-horse-poop story!
4974,15,1,15,"Ted: Yeah, we all know that one."
4975,15,1,15,"Victoria: Okay, how about this? I will tell you my most humiliating story."
4976,15,1,15,"Marshall: Yeah, Victoria, way to step up!"
4977,15,1,15,"Victoria: Okay, it involves a game of truth or dare, a squeeze-bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparents' retirement community."
4978,15,1,15,"Ted from 2030: Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way in hell I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, though, it wasn't that great."
4979,15,1,15,Marshall: That is the greatest story ever!
4980,15,1,15,Lily: Oh my God!
4981,15,1,15,"Ted: Wow, wow!"
4982,15,1,15,"Barney: Victoria, I deem your offering... worthy. My saga... continues."
4983,15,1,15,[FLASHBACK]
4984,15,1,15,Barney: I went back to the coffeehouse to find Shannon.
4985,15,1,15,Shannon: Barney.
4986,15,1,15,"Barney: Sugar Bear, where were you?"
4987,15,1,15,"Shannon: Oh, I'm sorry. My dad won't let me go."
4988,15,1,15,Barney: But the Nicaraguans need us!
4989,15,1,15,"Shannon: It's just, he's still supporting me, and... Look, he's coming by soon to talk about it, but I think you should go on without me."
4990,15,1,15,"Barney: Shannon, there is no..."
4991,15,1,15,"Shannon: Barney, it's your dream. It's only two years. I know we can make it."
4992,15,1,15,"Barney: As I walked away, I realized Shannon was an adult. Her father couldn't control her life. I had to go back and confront him. She was in the middle of a heated argument with her dad."
4993,15,1,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
4994,15,1,15,What?!
4995,15,1,15,Marshall: Now we all got to drink.
4996,15,1,15,"(They all drink, except Barney)"
4997,15,1,15,"Ted: Oh, my God. What happened next?"
4998,15,1,15,"Barney: I don't know, guys."
4999,15,1,15,"Lily: Okay, okay. Marshall's mom sent us cookies..."
5000,15,1,15,"Marshall: Lily, no!"
5001,15,1,15,"Lily: For the team, Marshall, for the team."
5002,15,1,15,[FLASHBACK]
5003,15,1,15,(Lily's on the phone)
5004,15,1,15,"Lily: Hey, Mrs. Eriksen, it's Lily. Thank you so much for the delicious cookies. Mayonnaise. Really? Never would have guessed. Well, I will definitely give Marshall a kiss for you. Okay. Take care."
5005,15,1,15,"Marshall: Oh, crap. My mom sent cookies?"
5006,15,1,15,"Lily: Yeah. I wish we had a dog, so they wouldn't go to waste."
5007,15,1,15,Marshall: So we've got the whole place to ourselves.
5008,15,1,15,Lily: I'm thinking floor s*x.
5009,15,1,15,Marshall: Sounds reasonable.
5010,15,1,15,"Lily: Ooh, floor's cold. Grab that afghan your mom made."
5011,15,1,15,(Marshall's mom was stil on the phone...)
5012,15,1,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
5013,15,1,15,Robin: The whole time?
5014,15,1,15,Lily: The... whole... time.
5015,15,1,15,"Marshall: Barney, that was really embarrassing for both of us. We just earned a huge chunk of story."
5016,15,1,15,"Barney: Right. So where was I? Oh, yeah. Shannon was sucking face with her dad."
5017,15,1,15,[FLASHBACK]
5018,15,1,15,"Barney: How can... With your dad? I mean, I know judge not lest ye be judged, but gross!"
5019,15,1,15,"Shannon: Barney, that's not my dad. His name's Greg. I've been seeing him for a few weeks. I was hoping you'd just leave, and we could avoid all this."
5020,15,1,15,Barney: We're breaking up? But what about the Peace Corps?
5021,15,1,15,"Shannon: Yeah, all this granola business, it was just a phase. Greg's older. He's successful. He buys me all this cool stuff."
5022,15,1,15,Barney: But I love you.
5023,15,1,15,Shannon: But he has a boat. You should go to the Peace Corps and forget about me.
5024,15,1,15,"Barney: I didn't go. That night, I recorded my video and mailed it to Shannon. I didn't see her until a week later. There's sugar in the basket. Shannon! Shannon, you came back!"
5025,15,1,15,Shannon: I'm just picking up my last paycheck.
5026,15,1,15,Barney: Oh. Did you... did you get my tape?
5027,15,1,15,"Man: Oh, she got the tape."
5028,15,1,15,Barney: You? It was you?
5029,15,1,15,"Man: Will I ever see another rainbow Oh, man."
5030,15,1,15,"(Barney leaves the coffee shop, crying. A man gives him a flyer on which you can read ""Suit up"". He grabs his hair and cut them short. He then shaves and put on a suit)"
5031,15,1,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
5032,15,1,15,"Lily: Oh, you poor thing."
5033,15,1,15,Barney: The story's not over. I did see Shannon one more time.
5034,15,1,15,Robin: When?
5035,15,1,15,Marshall: Sorry.
5036,15,1,15,Lily: You've got to tell us.
5037,15,1,15,"Barney: I don't know, I think I might need one last story to get me through it."
5038,15,1,15,Ted: Fine. Um... oh! The green testicle story. So I was playing ultimate frisbee in college and there was this barefoot dude with weirdly sharp toenails...
5039,15,1,15,"Barney: Oh, come on, Ted! You know what story I want to hear. Everyone else here has manned up tonight and told the truth. Why can't you?"
5040,15,1,15,"Ted: You're right. Victoria, I'm sorry I haven't told you this yet, but a while back, I was kind of into Robin. In fact, on our first date, I might have said, ""I love you."" Understandably, she freaked out and I left. But unfortunately, the night did not end there."
5041,15,1,15,[FLASHBACK]
5042,15,1,15,Ted: We all ended up at the bar with our cab driver Ranjit.
5043,15,1,15,Ranjit: To one hell of a night!
5044,15,1,15,"Ted: And I drank... a lot. So you guys think I should have kissed her? Well, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna go kiss her right... now."
5045,15,1,15,Barney: Yes! Do it!
5046,15,1,15,Ranjit: To the cab.
5047,15,1,15,"(Ted arrives in front of Robin's door, he throws up on her doormat)"
5048,15,1,15,Robin: Hello? Is someone out there?
5049,15,1,15,"( Ted, Barney et Ranjit run out. Robin opens her door, et sees her doormat...)"
5050,15,1,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
5051,15,1,15,Lily: You ralphed and ran?
5052,15,1,15,Marshall: I thought you were vomit-free since '93. So that was a lie?
5053,15,1,15,Robin: You re-returned for me. That's really sweet. Though you kind of ruined my customized Scherbotsky doormat.
5054,15,1,15,Ted: Sorry.
5055,15,1,15,Robin: It's okay.
5056,15,1,15,"Ted: Victoria, I know this must be..."
5057,15,1,15,Victoria: Yeah. It kind of is.
5058,15,1,15,"Barney: Wow, Ted, you were right. You shouldn't have told that story. But you did earn yourself the right to the end of mine. We fast-forward eight years into the future."
5059,15,1,15,"Marshall: Wait, eight years, that's, that's this year."
5060,15,1,15,"Barney: Marshall, not only is it this year, it's tonight."
5061,15,1,15,[FLASHBACK]
5062,15,1,15,Barney: Hi.
5063,15,1,15,Shannon: Barney?
5064,15,1,15,"Barney: Hi, Shannon."
5065,15,1,15,Shannon: What are you doing here?
5066,15,1,15,"Barney: Just listen. When you left me for that guy Greg, it changed me. Now I'm this. I-I know this is crazy. It's just, you were once such a big part of my life. And it just seemed insane that you didn't know who I am now. So here I am. And then she told me about her life."
5067,15,1,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
5068,15,1,15,"Barney: She and Greg dated for a while and then split up. But here's the real kicker: Shannon's a mom. She has a little kid named Max. That's crazy. That could have been my kid. But instead, what do I have? My whole life's some money in the bank, some suits in my closet and a string of one-night stands."
5069,15,1,15,"Lily: Hey. Come on. I mean, just because her life went one way and yours went another, it doesn't make your life any worse."
5070,15,1,15,"Barney: My life rocks! Money, suits and s*x. These are tears of joy! I could be cooped up in some tiny apartment changing some brat's poopy diapers. But instead, I'm out in the world being awesome 24-7, 365! You let me dodge a bullet, Big Guy. Plus, here's the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life. After Shannon and I talked, I nailed her."
5071,15,1,15,Lily: Nope.
5072,15,1,15,Barney: Yeah.
5073,15,1,15,Lily: Nope.
5074,15,1,15,Barney: Yeah.
5075,15,1,15,"Lily: Sorry. Don't buy it. You're making it up. You're just trying to cover the fact that you actually had a profound moment of doubt about yourself and... Oh, my God."
5076,15,1,15,"Shannon: Oh, Barney!"
5077,15,1,15,"Barney: Video's pretty good on this phone, huh?"
5078,15,1,15,Shannon: Is your phone on?
5079,15,1,15,"Barney: Oh, no. It just takes a while to power down."
5080,15,1,15,"Lily: Ew, gross. Just stop it."
5081,15,1,15,"Barney: Ladies, gentlemen... Ted. This has been a wonderful evening. I got great dirt on all you guys. I got Ted to tell the re-return. I finally nailed Shannon! Told her I'd call her tomorrow. Yeah, right. And I rediscovered just how awesomely awesome my life is. Peace out, hombres!"
5082,15,1,15,(Barney leaves the bar)
5083,15,1,15,Marshall: I think Barney just won game night.
5084,15,1,15,"Ted from 2030: We spend so much effort trying to keep parts of our lives hidden even from our closest friends. But those rare times when we do open up, it's amazing how minor those secrets all end up seeming. Of course, not every secret was told that night. But that's getting ahead of the story."
5085,16,1,16,Ted's kitchen
5086,16,1,16,"Ted from 2030: Kids, when it comes to love, the best relationships are the ones that just come naturally."
5087,16,1,16,Ted: My first solo batch.
5088,16,1,16,"Victoria: Um, I think those need to stay in the oven a while longer. Here's a professional tip. If it's still runny, it's not a cupcake. It's a beverage."
5089,16,1,16,"Ted from 2030: Yeah, well, things with Victoria were fun, and easy, and uncomplicated. It was pretty great."
5090,16,1,16,"(Barney arrives, while Marshall is coloring his butt)"
5091,16,1,16,"Barney: Um, are you coloring in your butt?"
5092,16,1,16,"Marshall: I have a big interview coming up, and my suit has holes in it. I can't sew, I don't own Navy boxers, so, yeah, I'm coloring in my butt."
5093,16,1,16,Barney: So wear another one.
5094,16,1,16,Marshall: I don't have another one. I'm flat broke. My only other suit options are track or birthday.
5095,16,1,16,"Barney: Dude, you show up to an interview in that, even the hippie lawyers from Granola Mountain Earth Pals will hackey sack you straight out the door."
5096,16,1,16,"Marshall: Okay, it's the National Resource Defense Council, and it's my dream job. Except it's only an internship, and I won't be getting paid. Mostly getting people coffee. But the people I'm getting coffee for... their bosses are going to save the world."
5097,16,1,16,"Barney: Okay, tomorrow... oh, and I should mention this is going to rock your world-- tomorrow I'm taking you to my personal tailor."
5098,16,1,16,"Marshall: A tailor? Barney, I make negative $300 a week, and I need every negative penny of that for my wedding."
5099,16,1,16,"Barney: Relax, my guy does everything for one third the cost. And there is no way you're getting married in that sarcastic-quotation-marks ""suit."" Tomorrow, noon, my tailor."
5100,16,1,16,"Marshall: No thanks, dude. (Barney grabs Marshall's pants and tears them apart) Noon?"
5101,16,1,16,Barney: Noon. See you then.
5102,16,1,16,The Bar
5103,16,1,16,"Victoria: Hey, girls."
5104,16,1,16,Robin and Lily: Hey.
5105,16,1,16,"Victoria: Hey. I'm on my way to meet Ted. It's our two monthiversary, so we're going out to dinner."
5106,16,1,16,"Robin: Great! Well, that answers all the questions I didn't ask."
5107,16,1,16,Lily: Robin!
5108,16,1,16,"Robin: Oh, come on. We bust on each other. We're just at that place in our strong friendship."
5109,16,1,16,Victoria: Really? Oh.
5110,16,1,16,"Robin: Get off me. Oh, see? I did it again."
5111,16,1,16,"Victoria: What are you guys up to? Oh, dress shopping. You know, I make wedding cakes for a lot of fancy bridal shops. If you want, I could take you shopping, maybe get you a discount."
5112,16,1,16,Lily: Really? That'd be great.
5113,16,1,16,Victoria: Yeah. Huh. I should take this. Hello.
5114,16,1,16,"Robin: Hey, I thought it was going to be just us tomorrow. What's with inviting Punky Brewster?"
5115,16,1,16,"Lily: Robin, you've got to get over this Ted and Victoria thing. You had your chance, and now he's moved on. Can't you just be happy for them?"
5116,16,1,16,Robin: The best I can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes.
5117,16,1,16,"Lily: Sold. Victoria, what's wrong?"
5118,16,1,16,Victoria: I've just been offered a fellowship at a culinary institute in Germany.
5119,16,1,16,The Bar
5120,16,1,16,"Ted: Wait. Germany, Europe?"
5121,16,1,16,"Victoria: It's for two years. I figured I didn't have much of a chance, 'cause they don't let many Americans in, but... I'm in."
5122,16,1,16,"Ted: So, this is the Europe Germany?"
5123,16,1,16,Victoria: What other Germany would it be?
5124,16,1,16,Ted: The one in Epcot?
5125,16,1,16,Victoria: Ted.
5126,16,1,16,Ted: Sorry. Congratulations.
5127,16,1,16,Victoria: Thank you. I don't know if I'm going to go.
5128,16,1,16,"Ted: Mm-hmm. And if you do, what does that mean for us?"
5129,16,1,16,Victoria: I don't know. I just... I don't think that long distance really works for anyone.
5130,16,1,16,"Ted: Oh, God, no. Long-distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college."
5131,16,1,16,"Victoria: So, that leaves us with..."
5132,16,1,16,"Ted: Either you stay here, or we break up. Wow. Um, look, let's just see how things progress, and if by September, we still feel..."
5133,16,1,16,Victoria: I have to leave on Monday.
5134,16,1,16,"Ted: Monday, September the...?"
5135,16,1,16,Victoria: Ted. Do you have any thoughts?
5136,16,1,16,Ted: Maybe we should each take some time to think about what we want. We'll meet up tomorrow to discuss it.
5137,16,1,16,Victoria: It's a date.
5138,16,1,16,Ted from 2030: And that's when things got complicated.
5139,16,1,16,Marshall is At Barney's tailor / Lily is shopping for her wedding dress with Victoria and Robin
5140,16,1,16,"Marshall: Hey, baby, how's the dress place?"
5141,16,1,16,Lily: Everything's so fluffy and white. It's like shopping in a marshmallow. How's Barney's tailor?
5142,16,1,16,"Marshall: Um, everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. It's like shopping in Barney's mind."
5143,16,1,16,"Lily: Well, good luck, baby."
5144,16,1,16,"Marshall: Bye. Hey, Barney, I'm not sure about this. A tailor in the back room of a pet store?"
5145,16,1,16,"Barney: Look, do you want a quality suit and a free rabbit or not? Ted, Sergei says stop moping around. You're distracting him from his process."
5146,16,1,16,Marshall: You speak Ukrainian?
5147,16,1,16,"Ted: Guys, I'm kind of screwed here. I don't want to lose Victoria, but I can't ask her to stay just for me. And long distance definitely isn't an option."
5148,16,1,16,"Marshall: No. No, no, no. No way. You know who likes long distance? Girls. It's all talking and no s*x. Kill me now."
5149,16,1,16,Barney: Don't knock long-distance relationships. I really think they can work.
5150,16,1,16,Ted: Really? You?
5151,16,1,16,"Barney: Absolutely. I'm juggling four right now. There's Lisa in Madrid, there's Erica in Tokyo, there's Laura in Denmark, and Kelly on 34th Street. The lass thinks I'm a humble sheep shearer from Killarney."
5152,16,1,16,"Marshall: Ted, do you remember in college when Lily did that summer art program in Paris?"
5153,16,1,16,Ted: Yeah.
5154,16,1,16,"Marshall: Well, she kept talking about this cheesy French guy, Gabriel. So, I went out to visit, and there was this party. And who shows up but Gabriel. And he's got this weak-ass, thin French moustache. I'm not much of a fighter, but I knew I could take this weird little dude. So, I took him aside, and I got all creepy quiet, I got the crazy eyes going, and I said, ""You stay away from Lily, or I swear to God I'll eat that moustache right off of your ugly French face."" Yeah. Yeah, he literally ran away. I think he was crying. I never told Lily about it. To be honest, I'm not very proud of it. To be even more honest, I am."
5155,16,1,16,"Ted: Um, other than confirming a lot of European stereotypes about Americans, did that little story have a point?"
5156,16,1,16,"Marshall: Yeah, the point is that even though Lily is my soul mate, long distance still almost killed us. If you think that there's any chance that Victoria is your soul mate, you should ask her to stay."
5157,16,1,16,"Ted: Well, I don't know if she is. It's still so early, but yeah, she could be."
5158,16,1,16,"Marshall: Oh, please. You barely know this girl. What's her favorite color? Is she a cat person or a dog person? Is she open to a three-way? Ted, I do more research than this before buying a cell phone. FYI, yes, I have three-way calling."
5159,16,1,16,"Ted: Look, she can't be a cat person. I'm a dog person, I'm attracted to other dog people."
5160,16,1,16,Barney: Are you sure?
5161,16,1,16,Ted: All right. (He calls Victoria)
5162,16,1,16,Victoria: Hello.
5163,16,1,16,"Ted: Hey, random question. How do you feel about cats?"
5164,16,1,16,"Victoria: Cats. Hated the musical, love the animal."
5165,16,1,16,"Ted: Good to know. Um, okay. Good-bye. (He hungs up) She's a cat person. I don't know this girl at all."
5166,16,1,16,"Barney: Oh, excellent. We'll take this one."
5167,16,1,16,"Marshall: Whoa. Hey, hey, it's my suit. Shouldn't I be the one to choose?"
5168,16,1,16,Barney: Here. Play with this pin cushion.
5169,16,1,16,Marshall: God. I'm going to look hot.
5170,16,1,16,"Barney: Marshall, I can't let you waste a suit this nice fighting a losing battle for our planet's survival. This is a suit for winners. I am getting you an interview at my office. We need good men like you in our legal department. We get sued a lot."
5171,16,1,16,Marshall: No way. The Kid does not sell out.
5172,16,1,16,"Barney: Oh, come on, dude! Three months working with me, you'll make more than Lily makes in a year."
5173,16,1,16,Marshall: No. I've made my decision.
5174,16,1,16,"Ted: So have I. If I ask this girl to give up her dreams for me, and two weeks later, it's not working out, I'm, like, the biggest jerk of all time. It's just too much pressure on a new relationship. I'm going to tell her to go."
5175,16,1,16,In a restaurant
5176,16,1,16,Ted from 2030: And so I met her that night to tell her my decision.
5177,16,1,16,"Victoria: All right, I've been thinking a lot about this... Okay, wait, before you say anything, I wanted to give you this. This is what happens when you, you know, let them finish baking."
5178,16,1,16,Ted: I want you to stay.
5179,16,1,16,At the Tailor / At the wedding shop
5180,16,1,16,Marshall: Everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. It's like shopping in Barney's mind.
5181,16,1,16,"Lily: Oh, good luck, baby."
5182,16,1,16,Marshall: Bye.
5183,16,1,16,"Woman: Now, what sort of dress did you have in mind, dear?"
5184,16,1,16,Lily: Nothing too huge or-or poofy. I'm not really a girlie girl. But I would like to look like a beautiful princess.
5185,16,1,16,Robin: I saw a couple up front that were nice.
5186,16,1,16,"By the window? No offense, dear, but those are a little out of your price range."
5187,16,1,16,Lily: Where does she get off? She doesn't know how much money I make.
5188,16,1,16,"Victoria: Oh, these women are experts. They can guess your net annual income just by looking at your underwear."
5189,16,1,16,Lily: Damn you Old Navy and your reasonably-priced three-packs!
5190,16,1,16,Victoria: At least we get free champagne!
5191,16,1,16,Robin: And cake.
5192,16,1,16,Victoria: Mm-hmm.
5193,16,1,16,"Robin: Speaking of which, Victoria, have you decided what to do about your doughnut fellowship?"
5194,16,1,16,"Victoria: You know, I don't know. I mean, I want to go, but I don't want to lose Ted. I even thought about long distance, as if that ever works."
5195,16,1,16,Lily: Ugh. All talking and no s*x. Kill me now.
5196,16,1,16,"Victoria: I know it sounds lame, but I actually think that Ted might be The One. That's pretty hard to walk away from."
5197,16,1,16,"Robin: Well, I don't know. I'd feel a little Stepford turning down a huge opportunity to chase some guy I'd only known two months."
5198,16,1,16,Victoria: But this isn't just some guy. This is Ted. He's amazing. He's the best guy I know.
5199,16,1,16,"Robin: Yeah, in America, but German guys? Whew! I would let them bread my schnitzel any day, if you know what I mean."
5200,16,1,16,Victoria: I really don't...
5201,16,1,16,"Robin: s*x. Oh, excuse me, ma'am. This b*st*rd's kicked."
5202,16,1,16,Woman: Thanks.
5203,16,1,16,Victoria and Robin: Oh!
5204,16,1,16,"Lily: It's okay, guys, I hate it."
5205,16,1,16,Victoria: Just horrible.
5206,16,1,16,"Robin: It's bad, it's really bad. Short in front, long in the back? That is the mullet of wedding dresses."
5207,16,1,16,"Lily: You know, Victoria, Marshall and I did long distance once. In college, I did an art course in Paris. I was the only American there. It was really lonely. I only had one friend, Gabrielle. She was kind of homely and strange-looking, and she was really self-conscious about this little moustache she had. Anyway, halfway through the semester, she just stopped talking to me, and I never figured out why. And then I had nobody. The only thing that got me through was knowing that my soul mate was back at home waiting for me. If Ted's your soul mate, then it may be worth it to hang onto him."
5208,16,1,16,Victoria: But how am I supposed to know if we're soul mates? It's too soon. Ooh. Speak of the devil. Hello.
5209,16,1,16,"Ted: Hey, random question: how do you feel cats?"
5210,16,1,16,"Victoria: Cats. Hated the musical, love the animal."
5211,16,1,16,Robin: A cat person. Why am I not surprised?
5212,16,1,16,Victoria: Bye. Why does Ted want to know if I like cats?
5213,16,1,16,Lily: Maybe he's going to buy you one.
5214,16,1,16,Victoria: I did hear barking in the background. Maybe he was in a pet store. Does he want us to get a cat together?
5215,16,1,16,Robin: Maybe he's using an adorable kitty to guilt you into staying.
5216,16,1,16,Victoria: That is low. Do you really think that's what he's doing?
5217,16,1,16,"Robin: Oh, I wouldn't even wait to find out. I would be on the next plane to Germany."
5218,16,1,16,Victoria and Robin: Aw.
5219,16,1,16,"Lily: Oh, God, you guys are sucky liars."
5220,16,1,16,"Robin: Ugly, ugly, ugly."
5221,16,1,16,"Victoria: I don't know what to say. You know what? We're doing this all wrong. I am going to get you one of those front window dresses, just for fun."
5222,16,1,16,Lily: Are you okay?
5223,16,1,16,Robin: I'm fine.
5224,16,1,16,Lily: Okay. Just kind of seemed like you're trying to hustle Victoria out of the country.
5225,16,1,16,"Robin: I'm not, I'm just trying to support her. She got a super-important dessert scholarship."
5226,16,1,16,"Lily: Stop being sarcastic. It is a super-important dessert scholarship. Wow, that's hard to say without sounding sarcastic. Look... I know you're not Victoria's biggest fan, but she seems to make Ted happy. So think about that before you use your miles to buy her a plane ticket."
5227,16,1,16,"Victoria: Somebody say ""beautiful princess."""
5228,16,1,16,"Lily: Oh, my gosh, it's perfect! Oh! This dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night."
5229,16,1,16,"Victoria: Oh, look how happy she is. You know, I've always thought of myself as one of those independent women who would never let any guy mess with my career. And now I'm actually thinking about it. I feel guilty, like it's un-feminist or something."
5230,16,1,16,Robin: I know what you mean.
5231,16,1,16,Victoria: You do?
5232,16,1,16,"Lily: Well, I'm always putting my career ahead of my relationships, and... to be honest, there's a lot of lonely nights in that job description."
5233,16,1,16,"Victoria: See, that's what I'm afraid of."
5234,16,1,16,Robin: Choosing Ted over your career doesn't make you un-feminist. Maybe it just means that you guys would be happy together.
5235,16,1,16,Victoria: Robin... I think that you are the coolest. I'm so glad that we're friends.
5236,16,1,16,"Robin: Oh, no way... you're the coolest."
5237,16,1,16,"Victoria: No, you are."
5238,16,1,16,"Robin: Okay, I am."
5239,16,1,16,Victoria: I'm going to stay.
5240,16,1,16,Victoria and Robin: Aw.
5241,16,1,16,"Lily: Oh, I am so beautiful! Oh, don't tell me how much it costs. Just snap my neck now, so I can die this pretty."
5242,16,1,16,"Robin: Wow, you look incredible."
5243,16,1,16,"Lily: Oh. Okay, okay, how much is it, on a scale of never to never ever?"
5244,16,1,16,"Robin: Never ever, ever, ever, ever... times infinity."
5245,16,1,16,"Lily: Well, it's okay. You know, what makes a bride beautiful is that she's just happy to be getting married. (She sits on the cake, without noticing it) Oh, guys, I know I look amazing, but the important thing is that Marshall and I love each other, right?"
5246,16,1,16,"Robin: Yes, you're right. But also... you just sat down in the cake."
5247,16,1,16,"Victoria: But, you know what? It's going to come out because it's only... chocolate and raspberry."
5248,16,1,16,"Robin: Okay. Come on, get up, let us see how bad it is."
5249,16,1,16,"(Lily stands up and tears the dress apart, the woman arrives at the same time)"
5250,16,1,16,Lily: It was like this when I found it?
5251,16,1,16,Woman: And how will you be paying for this?
5252,16,1,16,Lily: Credit card... s.
5253,16,1,16,In a restaurant
5254,16,1,16,"Victoria: I wanted to give you... this. This is what happens when you... you know, let them finish baking."
5255,16,1,16,Ted: I want you to stay.
5256,16,1,16,Victoria: I have to go to Germany.
5257,16,1,16,Ted: You're going?
5258,16,1,16,Victoria: Yes. I have to.
5259,16,1,16,Ted: So that's what you decided?
5260,16,1,16,"Victoria: Well, no... I mean, I actually came here tonight leaning toward staying, but when you just told me to stay, it made me realize that I have to go."
5261,16,1,16,"Ted: What is this, opposite day or something?"
5262,16,1,16,Victoria: No.
5263,16,1,16,Ted: So it is?
5264,16,1,16,"Victoria: Ted, we've only been dating for two months. I can't let you make this decision for me."
5265,16,1,16,"Ted: I was totally going to tell you to go, but then you gave me this cupcake, and it reminded me how great you are."
5266,16,1,16,"Victoria: Well, is there any chance that you would move to Germany with me?"
5267,16,1,16,"Ted: Well, that's just crazy."
5268,16,1,16,"Victoria: Oh, okay. So it's fine for me to make sacrifices for you, but for you it's crazy."
5269,16,1,16,Ted: But you have a job here and a life; I'd have nothing there.
5270,16,1,16,Victoria: You'd have me.
5271,16,1,16,"Ted: We've only been dating two months. Oh, it's not fair. It's not fair that we have to break up. I hate this."
5272,16,1,16,Victoria: So... we're breaking up?
5273,16,1,16,Ted: I guess so. I guess so.
5274,16,1,16,
5275,16,1,16,At the appartment
5276,16,1,16,"Marshall: God, that sucks, man. I'm so sorry."
5277,16,1,16,"Ted: It was just too much pressure too soon. I mean, maybe it was silly to even think... Yes, Marshall, I see your new suit, and it's awesome."
5278,16,1,16,"Marshall: Well, thank you for acknowledging it. It was weird that you hadn't. Look, I understand that you guys had to break up eventually, but why today?"
5279,16,1,16,Ted: She's leaving tomorrow.
5280,16,1,16,"Marshall: Yeah, but she's still in town."
5281,16,1,16,"Ted: Yeah, she... she's still in town."
5282,16,1,16,"Marshall: Yeah, so you spend one more amazing day together. Ted, think about it this way: if you knew that you were going to lose your leg tomorrow, would you sit on the couch and cry about it, or would you run, and jump, and do some awesome air kicks while you still could?"
5283,16,1,16,"Ted: Awesome air kicks, huh?"
5284,16,1,16,Marshall: New pajama bottoms?
5285,16,1,16,Ted: You know it.
5286,16,1,16,The Bar
5287,16,1,16,"Ted: So we can sit around and cry, or we can run, and do awesome air kicks before our leg gets chopped off."
5288,16,1,16,"Victoria: Wait, so we're sharing the leg?"
5289,16,1,16,"Ted: No, the leg is a metaphor."
5290,16,1,16,"Victoria: How could the leg be well enough to do awesome air kicks one day, and yet still so sick it needs to be chopped off the next? I don't know, Ted."
5291,16,1,16,"Ted: Come on, we've had a good run. Why end on a fight?"
5292,16,1,16,"Victoria: Well, what would you want to do?"
5293,16,1,16,Ted: Let's do all the stuff we talked about doing and never got around to.
5294,16,1,16,Victoria: Like go to the Mets.
5295,16,1,16,"Ted: Yeah, we'll walk across the Brooklyn Bridge."
5296,16,1,16,Victoria: See some monkeys at the zoo?
5297,16,1,16,Ted: Go to that French-Vietnamese place we keep passing and say we want to try?
5298,16,1,16,Victoria: Wow! We better get going.
5299,16,1,16,"Ted: Yeah, big day."
5300,16,1,16,Victoria: Yeah.
5301,16,1,16,"Ted from 2030: And, kids, that's exactly what we did with our last day. The museum, the bridge, the restaurant, and all of those nice things."
5302,16,1,16,The Bar
5303,16,1,16,"Robin: Lily, you have to tell him. That dress cost a fortune."
5304,16,1,16,"Lily: No, I'm just gonna wait for the next time Marshall really screws up, and then, I'll just slip this in, and it won't seem so bad by comparison."
5305,16,1,16,"Robin: Well, here's hoping he cheats on you."
5306,16,1,16,"Lily: Yeah, but only, like, second base."
5307,16,1,16,"Barney: Look at us: two guys in suits. You feel that slight tingle? That's every girl in the bar wanting you, and every guy wanting to be you. Actually, it's mostly me, but you're getting some of the splash."
5308,16,1,16,"Marshall: Hey, babe. Dollar beer night, so I splurged and got us each our own."
5309,16,1,16,"Barney: So, have you thought more about coming to work for Barney Corp?"
5310,16,1,16,"Marshall: Oh, please... your company is not called Barney Corp."
5311,16,1,16,"Barney: Yet. Oh, I almost forgot. Sergei sent me your bill."
5312,16,1,16,"Marshall: B... Barney, this says $4,000. I thought you said that it was one-third price."
5313,16,1,16,"Barney: Yeah, must be a $12,000 suit. Oh, well, guess you'll have to come work at my company."
5314,16,1,16,Marshall: You set this up! You set this whole thing up!
5315,16,1,16,Barney: I most certainly did...
5316,16,1,16,"Marshall: Well, it won't work. Even if I have to get two extra night jobs, I'll pay your precious tailor. I'm not selling my soul. Baby, I know that this will make things harder, but I will make it work, I promise."
5317,16,1,16,"Lily: I destroyed an $8,000 wedding dress."
5318,16,1,16,Marshall: What time is the interview?
5319,16,1,16,"Barney: 9:00 a.m., and you'll need new shoes. Don't worry, I know a guy."
5320,16,1,16,At the airport
5321,16,1,16,Victoria: I'm glad we got to spent the day doing awesome air kicks.
5322,16,1,16,"Ted: Yeah, I was almost too tired for all the s*x."
5323,16,1,16,Victoria: I'm going to miss you so much.
5324,16,1,16,"Ted: I'm going to miss you, too."
5325,16,1,16,"Victoria: Hey, you know, I mean, if, when I get back, we're still single, we can..."
5326,16,1,16,Ted: Even if we're not.
5327,16,1,16,Victoria: Okay.
5328,16,1,16,"Ted: Look, I know it never works for anyone, but... do you want to try long distance?"
5329,16,1,16,Victoria: Yes. Yes!
5330,16,1,16,Ted: We can beat the odds.
5331,16,1,16,"Victoria: Odds, schmodds."
5332,16,1,16,Ted: It's gonna work. We're going to make it work-- it'll work.
5333,16,1,16,"Ted from 2030: It didn't work. Long-distance was and is a terrible idea, a really terrible idea, just awful. But more on that later."
5334,17,1,17,"(In 1988, a little boy is reading a book)"
5335,17,1,17,"Ted from 2030: When your Uncle Marshall was ten years old, he read a book called Life Among the Gorillas. It was written by an anthropologist named Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez, it told the story of the year she spent living among the Western Lowland Gorillas of Cameroon. When Dr. Birnholz-Vazquez came to the local community college to give a lecture, Marshall, the youngest member of the audience, raised his hand with a question."
5336,17,1,17,Marshall: What advice do you have for a budding anthropologist?
5337,17,1,17,Dr. Birnholz: So you want to be an anthropologist?
5338,17,1,17,"Marshall: Yep. When I grow up, I want to go live with the gorillas, just like you did."
5339,17,1,17,Ted from 2030: What she said next changed his life.
5340,17,1,17,"Dr. Birnholz: Oh, that's wonderful, but I'm afraid you can't. They'll all be dead by then..."
5341,17,1,17,[in 2006]
5342,17,1,17,"Marshall:...and if economic sanctions and trade restrictions aren't enforced, the destruction of the rainforests will continue and over a million species will be wiped out."
5343,17,1,17,Ted: So you don't want coffee.
5344,17,1,17,Marshall: I'm saying that the coffee industry is causing irreversible...
5345,17,1,17,Ted: All right. I'm pouring it out.
5346,17,1,17,"Marshall: Okay, one cup. The kid needs to be alert. First day on the job and everything."
5347,17,1,17,"Ted: I still can't believe you're going all corporate on us. ""The kid"" has become ""the man."""
5348,17,1,17,"Marshall: Okay, it's just an internship to make a little money. After law school, I'm going to work for the NRDC. They're gonna stop global warming."
5349,17,1,17,Ted from 2030: Well... I mean... they did their best.
5350,17,1,17,Lily: Here's your sack lunch.
5351,17,1,17,"Marshall: Okay, I love you because, one, you made me a sack lunch and two, you laugh every time you say the word ""sack""."
5352,17,1,17,"Lily: I love you, Marshmallow."
5353,17,1,17,Marshall: I love you.
5354,17,1,17,"Ted: I love you too, Marshmallow."
5355,17,1,17,Marshall: Uh-oh. Ted?
5356,17,1,17,"Ted: Oh, no. No, she didn't."
5357,17,1,17,"Marshall: Yeah. Yeah, she did."
5358,17,1,17,Ted: Another care package?
5359,17,1,17,Ted from 2030: Another care package. I'd been in a long-distance relationship with Victoria for nearly a month. Long-distance relationships are a bad idea.
5360,17,1,17,Marshall: How many is that so far?
5361,17,1,17,Ted: Three.
5362,17,1,17,Lily: And how many have you sent her?
5363,17,1,17,"Ted: In the mail or in my mind? Zero. She's up three-zip. Oh! Cupcakes! Great. I bet they're delicious, too. Yup, they're delicious. Damn it! I don't deserve these delicious cupcakes. God, I hate myself right now."
5364,17,1,17,"Marshall: God, that is so me at 15."
5365,17,1,17,"Ted from 2030: Marshall was going to work for a big corporation called Altrucel. Altrucel was most well-known for making the yellow fuzzy stuff on the surface of tennis balls. I mean, this was a huge company, so they did other things... But mostly they wanted the public to focus on the yellow fuzzy stuff. Anyway, Marshall managed to score an internship in their legal department because he knew someone who worked there."
5366,17,1,17,Barney's office
5367,17,1,17,(Barney's on the phone)
5368,17,1,17,Barney: Go for Barney.
5369,17,1,17,"Voice: Mr. Stinson, this is Willis from lobby security. Sorry to bother you, but we've had reports of a sasquatch loose in the building."
5370,17,1,17,Barney: A sasquatch?
5371,17,1,17,"Voice: That's right, sir, a Bigfoot. We don't want to alarm you, but he's been spotted on your floor."
5372,17,1,17,Barney: Yes! Look at you. You suited in an unmistakably upward direction.
5373,17,1,17,Marshall: Whoa. That is a butt-load of motivational posters.
5374,17,1,17,"Barney: Yeah, hell, yeah. I got 'em all: Teamwork, Courage, Awesomeness..."
5375,17,1,17,Marshall: There's one for awesomeness?
5376,17,1,17,"Barney: Yeah, I had it made. Sit."
5377,17,1,17,"Marshall: Hey, so, now that I'm working here, are you finally going to tell me exactly what your job is?"
5378,17,1,17,Barney: Please.
5379,17,1,17,Man #1: My dawg!
5380,17,1,17,Man #2: My dawg!
5381,17,1,17,"Barney: Hey, Blauman, Bilson, this is Marshall. These guys are in legal. You're gonna be working with them."
5382,17,1,17,Marshall: Marshall Eriksen. Nice to meet you.
5383,17,1,17,Bilson: Nice tie. Steak sauce.
5384,17,1,17,"Blauman: Oh, steak sauce! For true, though."
5385,17,1,17,"Marshall: Where, I don't, I don't see..."
5386,17,1,17,Barney: Marshall? Sidebar. Your tie is steak sauce. It means A-1. A-1? Get it? Try to keep up.
5387,17,1,17,"Bilson: Okay, Eriksen, let's get to work. It's 2:00 a.m. It's raining outside. Ding dong! What? The doorbell? Oh, hello, Jessica Alba in a trench coat and nothing else. But wait-- knock, knock. Somebody's at the back door?"
5388,17,1,17,Marshall: I don't have a back door.
5389,17,1,17,"Bilson: Oh, my gosh, Jessica Simpson? What a surprise. Two Jessicas, you gotta pick one. What do you do? Go."
5390,17,1,17,"Marshall: Right. Well, uh... I'm engaged, so--"
5391,17,1,17,Bilson: Fiancee's out of town. What do you do? Go.
5392,17,1,17,"Marshall: We're still engaged, even if she's..."
5393,17,1,17,"Bilson: Okay, fiancee's dead. Hit by a bus. What do you do? Go."
5394,17,1,17,The Bar
5395,17,1,17,Ted: Sure you don't want one?
5396,17,1,17,Robin: How many of those have you eaten?
5397,17,1,17,"Ted: Four. Teen. No, just four. And the icing from two more. So, anyway, here's the problem."
5398,17,1,17,[FLASHBACK]
5399,17,1,17,"Ted: Hey, it's Ted. I guess you're asleep. Anyway, I got the care package, and it's just great. Here, listen... Mmm. Mmm!"
5400,17,1,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
5401,17,1,17,"Ted: So I'm standing there, my mouth full of this delicious relationship-winning cupcake... And... I said something dumb."
5402,17,1,17,[FLASHBACK]
5403,17,1,17,"Ted: Oh, and, um... don't worry, yours is in the mail. I sent it a couple days ago. And it's awesome. Really, really awesome."
5404,17,1,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
5405,17,1,17,Ted: Why did I say that? I think frosting makes me lie.
5406,17,1,17,"Robin: Oh, Teddy boy."
5407,17,1,17,"Ted: Yeah. So now, whatever I send her, she'll know I sent it after I talked to her. So that's the problem. You work on that. I'm gonna eat this cupcake."
5408,17,1,17,"Robin: All right, here's what you do: Put together a care package of stuff from New York-- some H&H bagels, an Empire State Building keychain... and then, top off the package with a New York Times... Ready? From three days ago."
5409,17,1,17,"Ted: That's brilliant. You're brilliant. You know, it's funny, not so long ago, I was coming to Marshall and Lily for advice on how to impress you."
5410,17,1,17,Robin: That is funny.
5411,17,1,17,Ted from 2030: And here's why it was funny.
5412,17,1,17,[FLASHBACK]
5413,17,1,17,"Ted from 2030: Little did I realize, a few weeks earlier, here's what Robin was saying to Lily about me."
5414,17,1,17,"Robin: Okay, fine, I have feelings for him."
5415,17,1,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
5416,17,1,17,"Ted: Now it's ironic, the girl I used to like is helping me impress the girl I now like."
5417,17,1,17,"Robin: The irony is clear, Ted."
5418,17,1,17,The appartment
5419,17,1,17,Lily: Hey! How was your first day?
5420,17,1,17,Marshall: I don't wanna talk about it. The guys I work with are a bunch of jerks.
5421,17,1,17,Lily: What?
5422,17,1,17,Marshall: They're jerks!
5423,17,1,17,Lily: What makes them jerks?
5424,17,1,17,"Marshall: Forget it, I don't want to talk about it. Well, like today at lunch.."
5425,17,1,17,[FLASHBACK]
5426,17,1,17,"Bilson: What do you got there, Ericksen? Mommy pack your lunch?"
5427,17,1,17,"Marshall: For your information, my fiancee did."
5428,17,1,17,"Blauman: Oh... Does she cut the crusts off your sandwich, too?"
5429,17,1,17,Marshall: No.
5430,17,1,17,Blauman: What's that?
5431,17,1,17,Marshall: Nothing. Give it.
5432,17,1,17,"Bilson: ""Dear Marshmallow. Good luck today. I love you. Lilypad."""
5433,17,1,17,Marshall: Give it.
5434,17,1,17,"Bilson: P.S. If you've unfolded this note, your kiss already got out. Quick-- catch it."""
5435,17,1,17,"Marshall: Give it back. Hey, give it. Gimme... Give it!"
5436,17,1,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
5437,17,1,17,"Lily: Oh, screw those guys! We're adorable."
5438,17,1,17,"Marshall: I know. God. It's like freshman year all over again. Only this time, my sweet dance moves aren't going to be enough to win them over. Not even Old Reliable."
5439,17,1,17,"Lily: Sweetie... It would be cool to have some extra money, but, but, if you're unhappy, it's not worth it."
5440,17,1,17,The Bar
5441,17,1,17,Marshall: I quit.
5442,17,1,17,"Barney: What? No. We're having so much fun. You, me, working together. It's great."
5443,17,1,17,"Marshall: We're not even working together, Barney. I'm in the legal department and you're... Seriously, what is it that you do?"
5444,17,1,17,Barney: Please.
5445,17,1,17,"Marshall: I'm sorry, dude, this corporate thing, it's just... it's not for me."
5446,17,1,17,"Barney: Oh, of course it's not for you. It's for Lily."
5447,17,1,17,Marshall: What?
5448,17,1,17,Barney: Marshall. Lily's a catch. But do you really think you're going to hang onto a girl that great without the package?
5449,17,1,17,Marshall: The package?
5450,17,1,17,Barney: The package. The house. The car. Sending your kids to a great school. A vacation once in a while.
5451,17,1,17,Marshall: Lily doesn't care about that stuff.
5452,17,1,17,"Barney: Well, no-- now she doesn't, but how's she going to feel in a couple years, when she's supporting you on a kindergarten teacher's salary while you're off in court defending some... endangered... South American... flying beaver."
5453,17,1,17,Marshall: She'll be happy.
5454,17,1,17,Barney: Okay. But will you be happy knowing you could have made her a lot happier.
5455,17,1,17,At Marshall's work
5456,17,1,17,Bilson: And all four are totally naked. You gotta choose one. What do you do? Go.
5457,17,1,17,"Marshall: I guess, uh... Bea Arthur."
5458,17,1,17,"Bilson: Ahh! Wrong! Betty White. Clean this stuff up, Eriksen."
5459,17,1,17,The Bar
5460,17,1,17,"Robin: So, did she get the awesome care package yet?"
5461,17,1,17,Ted: Yep. Yesterday.
5462,17,1,17,Robin: Did she love it?
5463,17,1,17,"Ted: Ooh, she loved it."
5464,17,1,17,Robin: So what's the problem?
5465,17,1,17,"Ted: So I was talking to her last night. And, I should tell you, we've been talking on the phone every other night for, like, an hour and a half. Eventually you just run out of stuff to say."
5466,17,1,17,[FLASHBACK]
5467,17,1,17,Ted: What did you have for lunch today? Oh. Rye bread. Yeah.
5468,17,1,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
5469,17,1,17,"Robin: Oh, Teddy boy."
5470,17,1,17,"Ted: I'm usually so good at being a boyfriend, but this never-seeing-each-other thing, it's a bitch. Maybe it just can't be do. I think it's clear what I have to do."
5471,17,1,17,Robin: It's pretty clear.
5472,17,1,17,Ted: I have to go to Germany and surprise her.
5473,17,1,17,"Robin: Totally what I was thinking. Get out of my head, man!"
5474,17,1,17,Barney's office
5475,17,1,17,"Marshall: Barney, how do I get these idiots to leave me alone?"
5476,17,1,17,"Barney: Marshall, consider the penguins."
5477,17,1,17,Marshall: The penguins?
5478,17,1,17,Barney: On the wall.
5479,17,1,17,"Marshall: ""Conformity. It's the one who's different that gets left out in the cold."" This is a motivational poster?"
5480,17,1,17,"Barney: Look at yourself, Marshall. You're not happy. And you know why? Because you're different. Now, I suppose you could learn to love yourself for the unique little snowflake that you are, or... you could change your entire personality, which is just so much easier."
5481,17,1,17,
5482,17,1,17,The appartment
5483,17,1,17,"Lily: Change your personality? That is so awful, and not at all motivational."
5484,17,1,17,"Marshall: Not necessarily. Okay, at first, I was appalled, but then I realized it's just like Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vasquez in Life Among the Gorillas. I have to gain the acceptance of the herd by behaving exactly like one of them. It's an anthropological study. Isn't that cool?"
5485,17,1,17,Lily: It sounds kinda like peer pressure.
5486,17,1,17,"Marshall: No, no, no. It's totally anthropological and it's cool and I'm doing it."
5487,17,1,17,"Lily: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's peer pressure. We have an assembly every year."
5488,17,1,17,Marshall: I'm portraying someone who succumbs to peer pressure.
5489,17,1,17,"Lily: All right, but if those guys try to pressure you to smoke, what do you say?"
5490,17,1,17,Marshall: Only when I'm drunk.
5491,17,1,17,Lily: Good boy.
5492,17,1,17,"Ted from 2030: And so, to fit in with the gorillas, Marshall had to learn to act like a gorilla, and that meant gorilla lessons."
5493,17,1,17,The Bar
5494,17,1,17,"Barney: Okay, I'm psyched about this. But if I'm going to mentor you, I need to know you're psyched about this, too."
5495,17,1,17,"Marshall: Oh, I am. I'm, I'm psyched."
5496,17,1,17,"Barney: Yeah, but it's one thing to say it, it's another thing to show it. Show it."
5497,17,1,17,Marshall: I'm psyched!
5498,17,1,17,"Barney: What was that? Marshall, I should feel tremors of psychitude rock my body like a seizure. That was like a declawed pregnant cat on a porch swing idly swatting at a fly on a lazy Sunday afternoon."
5499,17,1,17,"Marshall: Wow, that was really specific."
5500,17,1,17,Barney: Show me you're psyched! Let's do this! Ow! That hurt!
5501,17,1,17,Marshall: So badly.
5502,17,1,17,Barney: And then you slip it to the guy with a discreet handshake and he'll get it done.
5503,17,1,17,Marshall: Right. Get what done?
5504,17,1,17,Barney: Whatever.
5505,17,1,17,Marshall: Cool. And what guy is this?
5506,17,1,17,Barney: There's always a guy.
5507,17,1,17,"Marshall: Okay, all right, I, uh, I think I'm ready."
5508,17,1,17,Barney: You sure? You want to practice your story one more time?
5509,17,1,17,"Marshall: All right. So dude, check it. I'm in San Diego with two of my bro-sephs from Kappa, and they're all, ""Yo, Eriksen, let's roll to the strip clubs."" So I'm, like, ""Snapadoo!"" So we find this choice nudie nest near the airport......and that is when the bouncer kicked us out. Now, I have no idea if Svetlana ever got her green card, but dudes, fake diamond ring? Worth every penny, bruh."
5510,17,1,17,Blauman: Eriksen...that was steak sauce!
5511,17,1,17,Bilson: Great story.
5512,17,1,17,The appartment
5513,17,1,17,"Ted from 2030: The next moning, I was about to buy my ticket to Germany when I got an e-mail."
5514,17,1,17,Ted: Uh-oh.
5515,17,1,17,The Bar
5516,17,1,17,"Victoria's voice: ""Hey, Ted, sorry I missed your call last night. This long-distance thing sucks, huh? Listen, I've been thinking and I really need to talk to you tonight. I'll call you at 11:00. Victoria."" So?"
5517,17,1,17,"Ted: So she's going to dump me. Has anyone ever said, ""Listen, I've been thinking,"" and then follow it up with something good? It's not like: Listen, I've been thinking, Nutter-Butters are an underrated cookie. What else can it be? What could she possibly have to say to me that she couldn't write in an e-mail?"
5518,17,1,17,"Robin: I cut off all my fingers? Ted, you're a great guy. I know it, you know it, she knows it. I would bet you a gazillion dollars-- no, I'm even more confident. I would bet you a floppity jillion dollars that she's not calling to break up with you."
5519,17,1,17,"Ted: Thanks. You're right. I'm being crazy. So I should still buy that plane ticket, right?"
5520,17,1,17,Robin: I'd wait.
5521,17,1,17,The Appartment
5522,17,1,17,"(Marshall is on the phone, Lily is painting)"
5523,17,1,17,"Marshall: 'Sup, Blauman? E-bomb here. We still on for karaoke? Dope. I'm going to rock you on the mike so hard your hears are going to bleed gravy. Catch you on the flip, butt puppet."
5524,17,1,17,Lily: Okay...what do you think?
5525,17,1,17,Marshall: Steak sauce.
5526,17,1,17,Lily: Steak sauce?
5527,17,1,17,Marshall: Yeah.
5528,17,1,17,"Lily: Look, you know, whatever anthropology you do at work is your business, but please don't act like that around here."
5529,17,1,17,"Marshall: Lily, when Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-..."
5530,17,1,17,"Lily: No, when Dr. Australia Birdbath-Vaseline came home from the gorillas, she didn't run around picking nits out of people's hair and-and throwing feces. I'm begging you just, just leave it at the office."
5531,17,1,17,Marshall: Why?
5532,17,1,17,"Lily: Because you're acting like one of those guys, and those guys are lame."
5533,17,1,17,"Marshall: Okay, those guys were mean at first, yes, but they're actually good guys, and if you got to know them, then you would see that. Come karaoke with us tonight, and you'll see how totally not that lame they are, okay?"
5534,17,1,17,Lily: Okay.
5535,17,1,17,At the karaoke
5536,17,1,17,"Blauman: But wait, knock-knock, back door, who's there? Angelina Jolie... wait, in a wheelchair. What do you do? Go."
5537,17,1,17,"Bilson: Dude, Scarlett Johannsen with no arms, any day of the week. Yeah."
5538,17,1,17,Lily: You're right. They're delightful.
5539,17,1,17,"Marshall: So, Barney, you gonna sing anything?"
5540,17,1,17,Barney: Nah. I'm so over karaoke.
5541,17,1,17,Marshall: Really? I thought you'd be totally into it.
5542,17,1,17,"Barney: Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm good. The best, really. But it's the greatest samurai who lets his sword rust in its scabbard."
5543,17,1,17,"Lily: Oh, baby, they have our song. Let's do ""Don't Go Breaking My Heart."""
5544,17,1,17,Bilson: What?
5545,17,1,17,"Marshall: ""Don't Go Breaking My Heart."" Elton John, Kiki Dee."
5546,17,1,17,Bilson: No way. You got to go with some Black Sabbath.
5547,17,1,17,"Lily: Well, actually, Marshall and I have this little dance routine."
5548,17,1,17,"Marshall: ""Iron Man."" I could do ""Iron Man."""
5549,17,1,17,Blauman: Steak sauce.
5550,17,1,17,"Bilson: Steak sauce, dude."
5551,17,1,17,"Blauman: Should we tell him? All right, Eriksen, I've got some good news. On Monday, Bilson and I are going to talk to Montague in HR. When you graduate, we want you working with us. What do you say? Yes!"
5552,17,1,17,Bilson: That's my man!
5553,17,1,17,"Blauman: I told you he would. Aw, we're gonna own the office."
5554,17,1,17,"Lily: Okay, that was gross. When were you going to tell me you changed your entire career path?"
5555,17,1,17,"Marshall: Nothing has changed, okay? I still want to help the environment. I just thought that maybe I could make some money for a few years. We could buy an apartment, send our kids to good schools. You could quit your job and focus on your painting. I know that you say you don't need it, but... I love you and I want to give it to you anyway. I want to give you the package."
5556,17,1,17,"Lily: The package?! You've already given me the package. You've got a great package, Marshall. I love your package."
5557,17,1,17,"Marshall: Lily, you're the most incredible woman I know, and you deserve a big package."
5558,17,1,17,"Lily: Your package has always been big enough. You may not realize this, Marshall Eriksen, but you've got a huge package."
5559,17,1,17,Robin's work place
5560,17,1,17,(Robin is on the phone with Ted)
5561,17,1,17,Robin: Hello.
5562,17,1,17,Ted: Why hasn't she called yet?
5563,17,1,17,"Robin: Okay, you're making yourself crazy. It's Saturday night. Go out and do something."
5564,17,1,17,"Ted: No, what's the point of going out? I got a girlfriend... for now. Besides, if I go out, who's going to watch the news? I'm, like, half your viewership."
5565,17,1,17,"Robin: I'm flattered you think we have two viewers. She's not going to break up with you, Ted. You're awesome."
5566,17,1,17,"Ted: Thanks. Anyway, it's almost 11:00. I should let you go. Break a leg."
5567,17,1,17,"Ted from 2030: And so I was sitting at home, waiting for the phone to ring, something occurred to me."
5568,17,1,17,Ted: I'm actually sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring.
5569,17,1,17,At the karaoke
5570,17,1,17,(Ted arrives)
5571,17,1,17,"Barney, singing: *He's giving you the blues. You want to graduate, but not in his bed. Here's what you got to do Pick up the phone...*"
5572,17,1,17,Ted: Marshall.
5573,17,1,17,"Marshall: Hey, hey."
5574,17,1,17,"Ted: Dude, I feel like I haven't seen you in a month."
5575,17,1,17,Marshall: Yeah. Yeah. How you doing?
5576,17,1,17,Ted: I think Victoria's about to break up with me.
5577,17,1,17,"Marshall: Oh, God, I'm sorry, man."
5578,17,1,17,"Ted: Yeah, well, honestly, I'm having trouble remembering what she looks like. The more I try to picture her, the more I can't. Like, I remember how she makes me feel. I just... I don't completely remember her. It's like I'm trying to preserve something that's already gone."
5579,17,1,17,Marshall: Preserving something that's already gone. Sounds like environmental law.
5580,17,1,17,"Ted: I don't know. We struggle so hard to hold onto these things that we know are going to disappear eventually. And that's really noble, but even if you save every rainforest from being turned into a parking lot, well, then where are you going to park your car?"
5581,17,1,17,"Barney, singing: *Done dirt cheap! Dirty deeds. Done dirt cheap! Dirty deeds. Done dirt cheap! Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap, ow. Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap...* Uh, rockupied. Dude, what...?"
5582,17,1,17,"(Marshall says something to Barney, who then passes him the microphone)"
5583,17,1,17,"Next up, Marshmallow and Lillypad."
5584,17,1,17,Marshall: *Don't go breakin' my heart*
5585,17,1,17,Lily: *I couldn't if I tried*
5586,17,1,17,"Marshall: *Honey, if I get restless*"
5587,17,1,17,"Lily: *Baby, you're not that kind...*"
5588,17,1,17,"Ted from 2030: It turns out some things are worth preserving. But here's the real question: It's 2:00 a.m. Your friends are still out singing karaoke, but you're home early 'cause you're expecting a call from your girlfriend in Germany, who was supposed to call four hours ago. And then the phone rings."
5589,17,1,17,Ted: Hello.
5590,17,1,17,"Robin: Hi, Ted. It's Robin. Um, listen, I know it's late, but, uh, do you want to come over?"
5591,17,1,17,Ted from 2030: What do you do? Go.
5592,18,1,18,Ted from 2030: Previously on How I Met Your Mother...
5593,18,1,18,Ted: She was completely amazing. She was amazing and funny and...
5594,18,1,18,Lily: You have feelings for Ted.
5595,18,1,18,Robin: Maybe.
5596,18,1,18,The Bar
5597,18,1,18,Victoria: I've just been offered a fellowhip at a culinary institute in Germany.
5598,18,1,18,Ted: Do you want to try long distance?
5599,18,1,18,Victoria: Yes.
5600,18,1,18,"Robin: ""This long-distance thing sucks, huh? And I really need to talk to you tonight."""
5601,18,1,18,Ted: She's going to dump me!
5602,18,1,18,"Robin: She's not going to break up with you, Ted."
5603,18,1,18,Ted: Hello?
5604,18,1,18,Robin: Do you want to come over?
5605,18,1,18,"Ted from 2030: Kids, your grandma always used to say to me, ""Nothing good happens after 2:00 a.m.,"" and she was right. When 2:00 a.m. rolls around, just go home and go to sleep. Case in point:"
5606,18,1,18,Ted: Hello.
5607,18,1,18,"Robin: Hi, Ted, it's Robin. Um, listen, I know it's late, but do you want to come over?"
5608,18,1,18,Ted from 2030: Let's back up a little bit.
5609,18,1,18,"Robin: Sit. Good boys. Okay, remember, stay out of the liquor cabinet. I'll see you tonight."
5610,18,1,18,In Lily's class
5611,18,1,18,"Robin: And so the life of a television reporter is very rewarding, and I stronly urge you to consider it as a career. Thank you. Yeah?"
5612,18,1,18,Little Girl: Do you have a fiancé?
5613,18,1,18,"Lily: Marshall was here yesterday. They just learned the word ""fiancé."""
5614,18,1,18,"Robin: Oh, no, I don't have a fiancé."
5615,18,1,18,Little Girl: Then who do you live with?
5616,18,1,18,"Robin: Well, actually, I've got five dogs."
5617,18,1,18,Little Girl: Don't you get lonely?
5618,18,1,18,"Robin: No, I've got five dogs."
5619,18,1,18,Little Girl: My grandma has five cats and she gets lonely.
5620,18,1,18,"Robin: Well, yeah, that's cats. I'm not some pathetic cat lady. Not that your grandmother is..."
5621,18,1,18,Robin: Does anyone else have a...? Yes?
5622,18,1,18,Little Boy: Are you a lesbian?
5623,18,1,18,Robin: No. Are you? Just because a woman lives alone doesn't mean she's a les...
5624,18,1,18,"Lily: Okay, let's have a big hand for Robin the reporter. All right, our next guest is another friend..."
5625,18,1,18,"Barney: So, Robin, you ever report on train wrecks? 'Cause I just saw one. What up? Tiny five."
5626,18,1,18,"Robin: Ha-ha. Laugh now, those kids are monsters. They're going to eat you alive."
5627,18,1,18,Lily: He has a job doing... What do you do?
5628,18,1,18,"Barney: Please. Kids, let's rap. You guys don't give half a brown Crayola what I do for a living, do you?"
5629,18,1,18,All: No.
5630,18,1,18,Barney: No. I know what you want. Magic.
5631,18,1,18,[FLASHBACK]
5632,18,1,18,Robin: Hello.
5633,18,1,18,Ted: Why hasn't she called yet?
5634,18,1,18,"Robin: Okay, you're making yourself crazy. It's Saturday night. Go out and do something."
5635,18,1,18,"Ted: What's the point of going out? I got a girlfriend... for now. Besides, if I go out, who's going to watch the news? I'm, like, half your viewership."
5636,18,1,18,Robin: I'm flattered you think we have two viewers.
5637,18,1,18,Director: And we're clear.
5638,18,1,18,"Man: So, Scherbotsky, got a boyfriend?"
5639,18,1,18,"Robin: No, and why does this keep coming up today?"
5640,18,1,18,"Man: Oh, I just thought that guy you were on the phone with..."
5641,18,1,18,"Robin: What? Oh, no, that was Ted. He's just a friend. I mean, there was this moment where we almost dated, but we want completely different things. Anyway, now he has this girlfriend in Germany and he thinks she's calling to dump him tonight, but I don't think she is. And besides, we want completely different things."
5642,18,1,18,Man: We should have s*x.
5643,18,1,18,Robin: What?
5644,18,1,18,"Man: Why not? We're both available, we're both attractive, we're both good at it. At least, I'm good at it. And even if you're not, don't worry, I'll have a good time either way."
5645,18,1,18,"Robin: Well, moving past the horrifying image of your hair helmet clanging against the headboard, don't get involved with people I work with."
5646,18,1,18,"Man: Get involved? Who said get involved? I'm just saying we should have s*x, it could be fun."
5647,18,1,18,Ted from 2030: Having s*x is fun.
5648,18,1,18,Man: Home number. Call me anytime. A lot of local teens in action tonight...
5649,18,1,18,[END OF FLASHBACK]
5650,18,1,18,"Robin: Hey, guys. Miss me? I missed you, too. Hi, Ted, it's Robin. Um, listen, I know it's late, but do you want to come over? Ted?"
5651,18,1,18,"Ted: Uh, yeah... Uh, hi, I'm here."
5652,18,1,18,Robin: Do you want to come over?
5653,18,1,18,Ted: Why? What's up?
5654,18,1,18,"Robin: Well, um, I just finally set up my new juicer and I was going to make some juice, and I was, like, ""You know who likes juice? Ted."""
5655,18,1,18,Ted: I love juice.
5656,18,1,18,Robin: Great. So you want to come over and make juice?
5657,18,1,18,"Ted from 2030: When it's after 2:00 a.m., just go to sleep because the decisions you make after 2:00 a.m. are the wrong decisions."
5658,18,1,18,"Ted: Okay, sure. I'll come over. We'll... juice."
5659,18,1,18,"Robin: Yes, we'll juice."
5660,18,1,18,Ted: Okay.
5661,18,1,18,Robin: Okay... bye.
5662,18,1,18,Ted: Bye.
5663,18,1,18,In a cab
5664,18,1,18,Ted: This is fine. This is totally fine.
5665,18,1,18,Cab driver: What's fine?
5666,18,1,18,"Ted: Oh, I'm, uh, going over to this girl's house to make some juice."
5667,18,1,18,Cab driver: Nice.
5668,18,1,18,"Ted: No, it's not like that. We're juicing as friends. See, I have this girlfriend, I would never cheat on her. She lives in Germany. See, she was supposed to call me four hours ago to have a serious talk. I still haven't heard from her. I don't know. Sorry to bug you with my problems. Guess cab drivers are the new bartenders, huh?"
5669,18,1,18,"Cab driver: You ain't kidding, kid. Want a nip?"
5670,18,1,18,Ted: You can just let me out right up here.
5671,18,1,18,In another cab
5672,18,1,18,"Cab driver: Where you going to, buddy?"
5673,18,1,18,"Ted: Park Slope, Eighth and Eighth. Okay, here's where I left off with the last guy. See, I have a girlfriend, but I'm going over to this other girl's house..."
5674,18,1,18,"Victoria: And you're wondering if I'd be upset. Hi, Ted. Remember me, your girlfriend?"
5675,18,1,18,"Ted: Okay, relax, Robin's just a friend."
5676,18,1,18,Victoria: Right. You're going to go make some juice.
5677,18,1,18,"Ted: Yes, yes! Juice is perfectly harmless. In fact, it's healthy."
5678,18,1,18,"Victoria: Oh, yeah? Then why are you wondering what she looks like naked?"
5679,18,1,18,"Ted: I am not won... Okay, even if I am wondering that, it's only 'cause you put it in my head."
5680,18,1,18,"Victoria: Ah, but I'm just a manifestation of your subconscious, so actually, you put it in your own head."
5681,18,1,18,Ted: Damn it! Nothing's going to happen.
5682,18,1,18,Victoria: Right.
5683,18,1,18,"Ted: Okay, okay. You want a second opinion? Fine."
5684,18,1,18,At the Karaoke
5685,18,1,18,(Marshall's phone is rigging)
5686,18,1,18,"Marshall: Hey, did she call?"
5687,18,1,18,"Ted: No. I need a ruling. Um, I'm... Yeah, this is stupid. It's not even a big deal, but I'm on my way over to Robin's right now. She got a new juicer. Whatever. We're going to test it out."
5688,18,1,18,"Marshall: Let me call you back. Honey, there's a situation developing. Do you remember the huge secret that you told me that you weren't supposed to but you did? The thing... about Robin?"
5689,18,1,18,"Barney: Oh, you mean how Robin's in love with Ted?"
5690,18,1,18,Marshall & Lily: What?
5691,18,1,18,"Barney: Yeah, she told me already. Go on."
5692,18,1,18,Marshall: Wait. So I'm the only one that she didn't tell? She told you and not me?
5693,18,1,18,"Barney: Well, I guess I'm just better friends with her than you are."
5694,18,1,18,"Marshall: Well, I'm better friends with Ted than you are."
5695,18,1,18,Barney: That is a lie!
5696,18,1,18,Marshall: It is not a lie.
5697,18,1,18,"Barney: Okay, that's it! You and me! I'm not afraid of you!"
5698,18,1,18,Marshall: I'll show you things you never seen before! I used to box in the Army!
5699,18,1,18,In the cab
5700,18,1,18,"Ted: Come on, pick up. Damn it, Victoria, where are you? Pick up, pick up!"
5701,18,1,18,Victoria: Cupcake?
5702,18,1,18,"Ted: No, thanks. Where are you? Why haven't you called?"
5703,18,1,18,"Victoria: Oh, I'm out hooking up... with three other guys. Or maybe I'm a devoted girlfriend and I'm calling you right now."
5704,18,1,18,Ted: Yeah. Why do I doubt that? Hello.
5705,18,1,18,"Marshall: Ted, I just saw the news and a truck carrying sulphuric acid overturned right in front of Robin's house. And it's melting through the sidewalk. You can see straight down into hell. It's bad. You should go home, dude."
5706,18,1,18,"Ted: Marshall, it's fine. Nothing's going to happen."
5707,18,1,18,"Marshall: Ted, what does your mom always say?"
5708,18,1,18,Ted: Nothing good ever...
5709,18,1,18,Marshall: Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 a.m. Go home! It's too late for juice.
5710,18,1,18,"Ted: Dude, Robin and I are just friends. She doesn't even like me that way."
5711,18,1,18,"Lily: Yes, she does! She likes you. She told me."
5712,18,1,18,Ted: What?
5713,18,1,18,"Lily: It's a big secret, so don't tell her I told you, but she's very vulnerable right now and you have a girlfriend. Go home, Ted."
5714,18,1,18,Ted: She-she likes me?
5715,18,1,18,"Lily: Yes. So you see why it would be a very bad idea for you to go up there. Go home, Ted."
5716,18,1,18,Ted: She likes me?
5717,18,1,18,"Lily: Go home, Ted."
5718,18,1,18,"Ted: Uh, you're right. I'll, uh, I'll see you at home."
5719,18,1,18,Lily: Good. He's going home.
5720,18,1,18,Marshall: He is so not going home. I cannot believe you just told him that.
5721,18,1,18,Lily: What do you mean?
5722,18,1,18,"Marshall: Lily, here's what you just said: ""Ted, whatever you do, don't go up there. There's a beautiful girl who wants to have s*x with you. And then she's gonna make you some delicious juice."""
5723,18,1,18,"Lily: No, he's not going up there. He has more sense than that."
5724,18,1,18,Ted from 2030: I did have more sense than that.
5725,18,1,18,Ted: Keep the change.
5726,18,1,18,Cab driver: Thanks.
5727,18,1,18,"Ted from 2030: But after 2:00 a.m, my good sense was sound asleep."
5728,18,1,18,Victoria: So you're doing this? You're going up there?
5729,18,1,18,Ted: You want to get out of the way?
5730,18,1,18,Victoria: I'm not in the way.
5731,18,1,18,"Ted: You know, if you had just called me, I..."
5732,18,1,18,Robin: Hi.
5733,18,1,18,"Ted: Hi. Um, I got some vegetables. I got carrots, I got beets."
5734,18,1,18,Robin: Or we could just drink wine.
5735,18,1,18,"Ted: Wine... not? Well, that's the stupidest thing I've ever said."
5736,18,1,18,Robin: Thanks.
5737,18,1,18,Ted: Make it a big glass.
5738,18,1,18,Robin: Sure.
5739,18,1,18,"Ted: So, how's it hanging?"
5740,18,1,18,Robin: Have you ever had one of those days where nothing at all that monumental happens but by the end of it you have no idea who you are anymore or what the hell you're doing with your life? Do you ever have one of those days?
5741,18,1,18,"Ted: Uh, about once a week."
5742,18,1,18,"Robin: I don't know, it was just a, a rough day and the only person I wanted to see at the end of it was you. So... um... how was the big phone call with your girlfriend?"
5743,18,1,18,"Ted from 2030: When the clock strikes 2:00, just go to sleep."
5744,18,1,18,Ted: We broke up.
5745,18,1,18,Robin: What?
5746,18,1,18,"Ted: Yeah. Yeah, she finally called. We talked for a while-- how hard long distance is-- and then... she dumped me."
5747,18,1,18,"Robin: Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry. That's just terrible. I feel awful."
5748,18,1,18,Ted: You're smiling.
5749,18,1,18,"Robin: Am I? No I'm not. I'm a news anchor. Smiling's a part of the job. Thousands died in a tragic avalanche today. See? You're smiling, too."
5750,18,1,18,Ted: Yeah. I have no idea what that's all about.
5751,18,1,18,
5752,18,1,18,At the karaoke
5753,18,1,18,*There's got to be a morning after...*
5754,18,1,18,Marshall: How much does Korean Elvis rock? I'll answer that. Infinity. He rocks... infinity.
5755,18,1,18,"Lily: Okay, it's time for bed."
5756,18,1,18,Barney: What? No. It's 2:30.
5757,18,1,18,Lily: Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 a.m.
5758,18,1,18,"Barney: You know, I have found, in my travels... that all the best things in life happen after 2:00 a.m. When I look back at the best stories of my life-- the Liberty Bell incident, the little scrape I got in at the Russian Embassy, the almost four-way."
5759,18,1,18,Marshall: You never had a four-way.
5760,18,1,18,"Barney: I said ""almost."" All those things happened after 2:00 a.m. because after 2:00 a.m. is when things get-- audience, say it with me-- legendary."
5761,18,1,18,Lily: We're going home.
5762,18,1,18,"Barney: What's that? Interesting theory, Barney, but I'll need some proof? Okay. Korean Elvis. How would you like to have a drink with me and my friends?"
5763,18,1,18,Korean Elvis: Rock 'n' roll.
5764,18,1,18,Barney: And it begins.
5765,18,1,18,At Robin's
5766,18,1,18,"Ted: So, um... Hey. I got a new phone. Same as yours. Look."
5767,18,1,18,"Robin: Oh, yeah. Do you like it?"
5768,18,1,18,"Ted: Yeah. Yeah. This is some solid small talk. I had that other phone, and it was good, but I think the whole time a little part of me wanted this phone instead. This phone... um... feels right."
5769,18,1,18,(Ted's phone starts rigging)
5770,18,1,18,Robin: Wow. Weird.
5771,18,1,18,"Ted: Yeah. Uh, I should probably take this."
5772,18,1,18,Robin: I'll be here.
5773,18,1,18,(Ted goes out in the hall)
5774,18,1,18,Ted: Hello?
5775,18,1,18,"Korean Elvis: Ted, this is your main man, K.E. I want you to shake your tail feathers down here ASAP, you dig?"
5776,18,1,18,Marshall: Sorry about that.
5777,18,1,18,Ted: Was that Korean Elvis?
5778,18,1,18,"Marshall: I'll explain later. Hey, we're headed down to MacLaren's."
5779,18,1,18,"Ted: Um... Actually... I'm at Robin's. Yeah, and, um... I might have done something bad. I just lied and told her I broke up with Victoria."
5780,18,1,18,"Marshall: Ted, I don't want to swear in front of Korean Elvis, but what the bleep are you doing, dude?"
5781,18,1,18,"Ted: What do you expect from me? It's Robin. Victoria's great, but, it's Robin. I've made up my mind. I'm going to end it with Victoria."
5782,18,1,18,Lily: Gonna?
5783,18,1,18,Ted: Yes. First thing tomorrow.
5784,18,1,18,"Lily: Okay, but, but, as of right now at-at... 2:45 a.m. you still have a girlfriend. Ted, I love you. I love Robin. But if you do this right now, your entire future with her will be built on a crime. Just go home, Ted. Don't do this the wrong way."
5785,18,1,18,Ted: I hate how you're always right.
5786,18,1,18,Lily: It's my best and most annoying trait.
5787,18,1,18,Ted: Okay. I'm coming home. I'll see you soon.
5788,18,1,18,(Ted comes back to Robin's appartment)
5789,18,1,18,Robin: Hey.
5790,18,1,18,Ted: I should probably get going. It's pretty late. I'm sorry. I...
5791,18,1,18,"Robin: Oh. Oh, no. I understand. It's fine. Yeah."
5792,18,1,18,Ted: Can I call you tomorrow?
5793,18,1,18,Robin: Totally. Totally. Call me tomorrow.
5794,18,1,18,"Ted: Okay. Good night, Robin."
5795,18,1,18,"Robin: Good night, Ted."
5796,18,1,18,They embrace each other
5797,18,1,18,"Robin: Oh, my God. We're making out."
5798,18,1,18,Ted: Right.
5799,18,1,18,Robin: This is crazy.
5800,18,1,18,Ted: Right? Right?
5801,18,1,18,"Robin: Should we go to my room? I mean, there's five dogs in there, but..."
5802,18,1,18,Ted: Yeah.
5803,18,1,18,Robin: Yeah?
5804,18,1,18,"Ted: Yeah. I just, um... I have to run to the bathroom real quick."
5805,18,1,18,Robin: Okay.
5806,18,1,18,(Ted goes to the bathroom while Robin waits in the living room)
5807,18,1,18,Ted: Stop doing that.
5808,18,1,18,Victoria: Whatcha doin'?
5809,18,1,18,"Ted: I'm calling you. We're breaking up. I'm doing this right now, I'm coming out of this bathroom a single man."
5810,18,1,18,"Victoria: Okay. Say, Ted... how long do you think that conversation's going to be? Length of an average pee? No. We're gonna be on the phone for at least 20 minutes. Robin's out there. She's gonna think you're in here taking a massive..."
5811,18,1,18,Ted: What do you want from me? People break up. It happens.
5812,18,1,18,Victoria: Not like this. Not from the bathroom of the girl that you're about to sleep with.
5813,18,1,18,Ted: It's not ideal.
5814,18,1,18,The Bar
5815,18,1,18,"Ted from 2030: Meanwhile, back at the bar, Barney was still trying to prove that good things can happen after 2:00 a.m."
5816,18,1,18,"Barney: Come on, Lily. How many women can say they've been personally serenaded by Korean Elvis?"
5817,18,1,18,Lily: I think he just spat on me.
5818,18,1,18,"Marshall: Barney, you tried, I think that's great, but we're going."
5819,18,1,18,"Barney: No! No, come on."
5820,18,1,18,Marshall: Yes!
5821,18,1,18,"Barney: Dude, we haen't hit legendary yet. We're only at the ""le"". We still got the ""gen."" The ""da."" The ""ry."""
5822,18,1,18,"Lily: Okay, if we're at the ""le,"" then I say we follow it up with a ""t's go home."""
5823,18,1,18,"Marshall: Oh, wow, you just got burned, phonics style."
5824,18,1,18,"Korean Elvis: No, no, no, no, no. Baby, baby, baby, don't go. Just one dance, huh?"
5825,18,1,18,"Lily: Okay, seriously."
5826,18,1,18,"Korean Elvis: Hey, I know what you like."
5827,18,1,18,"Ted from 2030: And so, Barney was right-- the night was legendary. It would come to be known as The Time Lily Kicked Korean Elvis in the Nards."
5828,18,1,18,"Marshall: Hey, you guys remember the time that Lily kicked Korean Elvis in the Nards?"
5829,18,1,18,At Robin's
5830,18,1,18,Ted: You're right. I owe you a real breakup call. I'll call you tomorrow.
5831,18,1,18,Victoria: Good. So you're gonna go home?
5832,18,1,18,"Ted: Why should I have to go home? You know, there's every chance Robin's the woman I'm going to marry."
5833,18,1,18,Victoria: Ted.
5834,18,1,18,"Ted: It could happen. And so really, what's it gonna matter in 50 years if I jump the gun by one night? Look, I-I know this is a moral gray area, but... It's Robin. And I'm exhausted. I am. I'm exhausted from pretending I'm not in love with her. I think that makes this okay."
5835,18,1,18,"Victoria: Oh, please. You just want to get laid."
5836,18,1,18,"Ted: Yes, I do. You got me. That is exactly what I want right now. And so what? I want this. She wants this. It's happening, and if you have a problem with it, don't be in Germany. It's been nice pretending to talk to you. Thanks for not calling me and good night."
5837,18,1,18,Victoria: That's not your phone.
5838,18,1,18,Ted: This isn't my phone.
5839,18,1,18,(He goes back to the livingroom; Robin's on the phone)
5840,18,1,18,"Robin: Okay. Bye. (She hungs up) I thought it was mine, so I answered it."
5841,18,1,18,Ted: Was it...?
5842,18,1,18,Robin: It was your girlfriend. You might want to call her back.
5843,18,1,18,"Ted from 2030: I called Victoria from the cab and we broke up. Yes... And there you have it, kids. The stupidest thing I've ever done. In one night, I managed to hurt two people I cared about. And none of it would've happened if I just listened to my mom. So I guess if there's a lesson to be learned here, it's this: when it's 2:00 a.m., just go to sleep."
5844,19,1,19,"[In 2006, 3 months earlier, at the Bar]"
5845,19,1,19,"Ted: Her favorite CD in the Otis Redding box set? Disc three. My favorite? Any guesses? Anyone? Come on. Disc three! God, Victoria's so amazing! I could talk about her for hours."
5846,19,1,19,"Lily: What do you mean ""could""?"
5847,19,1,19,"Ted: I'm sorry, it's just... God, I... I'm crazy about this girl. It feels like maybe... I don't want to say it."
5848,19,1,19,"Barney: Trust that impulse, Ted."
5849,19,1,19,"Robin: Hey. Something kind of cool just happened. My story on Pickles, the Singing Dog, just got nominated for a Local Area Media Award."
5850,19,1,19,Lily: A... LAME-A?
5851,19,1,19,"Robin: We prefer Local Area Media Award. Um... there's going to be this big banquet. I know these things aren't much fun, but it would really mean a lot to me if you guys came. And there's an open bar."
5852,19,1,19,All: Yes! Word up!
5853,19,1,19,"Ted: Yeah, put me down for two."
5854,19,1,19,Robin: Really? It's three months away.
5855,19,1,19,"Ted: I know, but... guys, I'm sorry, I'm going to say it. I have a feeling Victoria's going to be around for a long time."
5856,19,1,19,"[3 months later, at the Bar]"
5857,19,1,19,Ted: I'm going to miss Victoria. I should just skip this thing entirely. Robin's still pissed at me after... you know.
5858,19,1,19,Barney: You lied and said you were broken up with Victoria before you actually were so you could try to nail Robin and you wound up losing both girls in one night?
5859,19,1,19,"Ted: Yes, that's what I meant by ""you know."" I haven't seen her in three weeks. She won't return my calls. Look, I shouldn't go."
5860,19,1,19,"Marshall: You should definitely go. Look, it's a chance to show her you're still friends and that you support her."
5861,19,1,19,"Barney: Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter. Even better, triple threat-- hotter and bigger boobs."
5862,19,1,19,Ted: That's only two.
5863,19,1,19,Barney: Count again.
5864,19,1,19,"Ted: Barney, I'm not bringing a date. Even if I wanted to, the thing's in two hours."
5865,19,1,19,Barney: So get an escort.
5866,19,1,19,"Ted: By ""escort,"" you mean prostitute?"
5867,19,1,19,Barney: Why not?
5868,19,1,19,Ted: Because... gross?
5869,19,1,19,"Barney: Oh, gross. What, you have some puritanical hang-up about prostitution? Dude, it's the world's oldest profession."
5870,19,1,19,Marshall: You really think that's true?
5871,19,1,19,"Barney: Oh, yeah. I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers, like, an extra fish for putting out."
5872,19,1,19,"Marshall: Aha, so then the oldest profession would be fishermen. Kaboom! You've been lawyered."
5873,19,1,19,"Barney: Come on, Ted, let's get you a hooker. It'll be fun."
5874,19,1,19,"Ted: Okay, to bring to the banquet and hang out with ironically or to actually have s*x with?"
5875,19,1,19,Barney: Yes.
5876,19,1,19,Ted: No! It's illegal. And did I mention gross?
5877,19,1,19,"Barney: That's adorable. Ted, you're such a hayseed. The companionship business is the growth industry of the 21st century. You do realize that one out of every eight adult women in America is a prostitute."
5878,19,1,19,Marshall: You just made that up.
5879,19,1,19,Barney: Withdrawn.
5880,19,1,19,"Marshall: Lawyered. The point is, how long has it been?"
5881,19,1,19,Ted: 57 days.
5882,19,1,19,Barney: Is that your water? May I?
5883,19,1,19,"Ted: Yeah, go ahead."
5884,19,1,19,"Barney: Much obliged. 57 days?! Ted, you are in a slump."
5885,19,1,19,"Ted: No, it's not a slump. It's an intentional hiatus from girls. A slump is when you strike out every time you step up to the plate. But I'm off the roster, baby. I'm in the locker room sitting in the whirlpool. And I'll tell you something, it feels pretty good."
5886,19,1,19,"Barney: Yeah, you know what else is in that locker room? A naked dudes hanging brain. Ted, you need a lady. And I've got the next best thing-- Mary. She lives in my building. She's smart, she's hot, she's totally cool."
5887,19,1,19,"Ted: Oh, she sounds great. And who knows? Maybe we'll wind up getting married someday. You know, if we can get a blessing from her pimp."
5888,19,1,19,Barney: You want to judge a fellow human being based solely on one external characteristic? That's racism. And I do not drink with racists. Good day.
5889,19,1,19,"Ted: You're just waiting for me to speak, so you can..."
5890,19,1,19,Barney: I said good day!
5891,19,1,19,At the appartment
5892,19,1,19,Robin: So should I wear my hair up or down? Lily.
5893,19,1,19,Lily: What?
5894,19,1,19,Robin: You okay?
5895,19,1,19,"Lily: Oh, yeah, sorry. I'm just exhausted from work. The stupid school board took away nap time in all kindergarten classes and now the kids are just going crazy by the end of the day. It's much harder to deal with because, well, I don't get my nap."
5896,19,1,19,"Robin: Wait, you were taking naps when the kids were? Is that safe?"
5897,19,1,19,"Lily: Well, they're only five. What are they gonna do to me?"
5898,19,1,19,"Robin: Ted's still coming to this thing, right?"
5899,19,1,19,Lily: Yep.
5900,19,1,19,"Robin: Do you think, um... hypothetically... it would be weird if I bring a date?"
5901,19,1,19,"Lily: Look at you, Scherbotsky, blatantly trying to make Ted jealous."
5902,19,1,19,"Robin: No, it's just this guy at the station. I never get involved with co-workers, but he asked me and I said yes. Is it going to be weird?"
5903,19,1,19,"Lily: No, it's not going to be weird at all. (Lily's on the phone with Marshall) Robin's bringing a date."
5904,19,1,19,Marshall: Boy. That's going to be really weird.
5905,19,1,19,Lily: I know.
5906,19,1,19,The Bar
5907,19,1,19,Marshall: Robin's bringing a date.
5908,19,1,19,Ted: Oh. Okay. That's not weird. She's bringing a date. I'm glad she's moving on.
5909,19,1,19,"Marshall: Dude, it's going to be weird."
5910,19,1,19,"Ted: No, it's fine. Look, in spite of whatever happened between us, Robin and I are still friends. I don't think it'll be weird."
5911,19,1,19,"Barney: Yeah, it won't be weird."
5912,19,1,19,Ted: Thank you.
5913,19,1,19,Barney: Because you're going to bring your own date.
5914,19,1,19,"Woman: Hello, Barney."
5915,19,1,19,"Barney: Hi, Mary. Have you met Ted?"
5916,19,1,19,Mary: Nice to meet you Ted.
5917,19,1,19,"Ted: Hi, Mary. Wow. It's, uh, nice to meet you, too."
5918,19,1,19,Mary: So we're going to an award show?
5919,19,1,19,"Ted: Uh, yeah, will you just excuse us for one minute? Barney."
5920,19,1,19,"Barney: See you in two shakes, Mare. You two make yourselves comfortable."
5921,19,1,19,Ted: What the hell?
5922,19,1,19,"Barney: Dude, your narrow-minded views on professional fornicators were harshing my mellow. So I got you a date for the evening."
5923,19,1,19,Ted: You got me a hooker. A really hot hook-- A hooker!
5924,19,1,19,"Barney: Think about it, this is perfect. A: it will make Robin insanely jealous... B: you get to have s*x with her... and C: maybe by getting to know Mary, you'll come to see that courtesans are people, too. And D: ""B"" all night long."
5925,19,1,19,Ted: I'm not taking a prostitute to Robin's banquet.
5926,19,1,19,"Barney: The only people who will know are you, me and Marshall. No one will suspect a thing. They'll just see you with this unbelievably smoking hot girl and... Okay, that's a little bit suspicious. Look, I'm just trying to expand your horizons a little bit tonight. But if you're not interested, fine, I'm out 500 bucks. Whatever."
5927,19,1,19,Ted: 500 bucks?
5928,19,1,19,"Barney: Ted, you're my cabron. You think I'm gonna stick you with some toothless tranny from the Port Authority? Look at how hot she is. Robin would be so jealous."
5929,19,1,19,"Ted: I'm not trying to make Robin jealous, Barney. Look, I... tell Mary, thanks, but no thanks. I have a soul."
5930,19,1,19,Ted from 2030: And then your Uncle Marhsall and I had one of our famous telepathic conversations.
5931,19,1,19,Marshall: Check out Robin's date.
5932,19,1,19,Ted: I know.
5933,19,1,19,Marshall: Is that who I think it is?
5934,19,1,19,Ted: Yep. It's Sandy Rivers.
5935,19,1,19,"Ted from 2030: Sandy Rivers was the face of Metro News One, the most low-budget cable news network ever."
5936,19,1,19,[FLASHBACK]
5937,19,1,19,Ted: Sandy time. Sandy time!
5938,19,1,19,"Ted from 2030: He was best known for his morning segment ""In Today's Paper,"" during which he literally flipped through today's papers, reading them aloud to viewers."
5939,19,1,19,"Sandy: Here we have, on the front page, a story about a... I guess, a guy in a superhero costume climbing the Empire State Building. Looks interesting."
5940,19,1,19,Ted from 2030: These idiotic filler pieces were a guilty pleasure of ours.
5941,19,1,19,"Ted: Which Sandy do we want today? French Sandy, p0rn star Sandy...?"
5942,19,1,19,"Marshall: Yosemite Sandy, definitely."
5943,19,1,19,Ted: Excellent choice. I love this guy.
5944,19,1,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
5945,19,1,19,Ted: I hate this guy.
5946,19,1,19,Lily: Hey.
5947,19,1,19,Mary: Hi.
5948,19,1,19,Lily: I'm Lily.
5949,19,1,19,Mary: Hi. Mary. It's nice to meet you.
5950,19,1,19,"Marshall: Mary is a friend of Barney's. Barney invited her. Just met Mary ourselves. Don't know too much about Mary. Look, a beer."
5951,19,1,19,Ted: Hey.
5952,19,1,19,Robin: Hi.
5953,19,1,19,Ted: You look nice.
5954,19,1,19,"Robin: Oh, um, Ted, this is Sandy."
5955,19,1,19,Sandy: Hi. Sandy Rivers. Use my full name. People get a kick out of it.
5956,19,1,19,"Ted: Hi, Sandy. Rivers. So are you two, uh..."
5957,19,1,19,Sandy: Starting a bunch of office rumors? Looks that way. Looks that way.
5958,19,1,19,"Ted: Oh, how rude of me. Uh, Robin, Sandy... Rivers... this is Mary, my date."
5959,19,1,19,At the ceremony
5960,19,1,19,"Voice: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 45th annual Local Area Media Awards. Please say hello to our host for the evening, king of the Saturday Afternoon Kung Fu Movie, Vampire Lou!"
5961,19,1,19,Vampire Lou: Tonight we celebrate the very best in broadcasting and the triumph of the human spirit.
5962,19,1,19,"Marshall: Man, Vampire Lou just looks great."
5963,19,1,19,Ted: I can't believe I'm on a date with a hooker.
5964,19,1,19,"Marshall: Yeah, I can't believe you let her and Lily go to the ladies' room together, man. Secrets come out in there."
5965,19,1,19,"Barney: Oh, please. How's it's going to come out? ""Uh, pass me a towel. P.S., I have s*x for money."""
5966,19,1,19,Lily: Who has s*x for money?
5967,19,1,19,Marshall: Nobody. What did you guys talk about in there? Anything interesting?
5968,19,1,19,"Lily: No, not really. We just chitchatted and I borrowed her lipstick. Why is Vampire Lou the host of a Saturday Afternoon Kung Fu Movie? You know, it just makes no sense. God, that pisses me off."
5969,19,1,19,"Ted: Lily, you okay?"
5970,19,1,19,"Lily: Oh, yeah, I'm just tired. And when I get tired, I get cranky."
5971,19,1,19,Sandy: Really? I couldn't imagine you cranky.
5972,19,1,19,"Lily: ""Really? I couldn't imagine you cranky."""
5973,19,1,19,Mary: Wow. Why are you so tired?
5974,19,1,19,"Lily: Well, I teach kindergarten and the school board took away my nap time, the kids' nap time."
5975,19,1,19,"Barney: Lily, quit your job. Work at a private school. You won't have to deal with the school board, and you'll make a ton more money."
5976,19,1,19,"Lily: Well, guess what, Barney? I don't base all my life decisions on how much money I'm going to make, unlike you and, sadly, my fiance."
5977,19,1,19,"Marshall: Well, it's just an internship, for the record."
5978,19,1,19,"Lily: Yeah, because if I did sacrifice all my values just for an easy buck, what would that make me?"
5979,19,1,19,Mary: A prostitute.
5980,19,1,19,"Lily: Exactly. Thank you, Mary."
5981,19,1,19,"Robin: So, Mary, what do you do for a living?"
5982,19,1,19,Barney: She's a paralegal.
5983,19,1,19,"Mary: Yes, I'm a paralegal."
5984,19,1,19,"Robin: Oh, so, Mary the paralegal. What does a paralegal do exactly?"
5985,19,1,19,Mary: I just assist with day-to-day clerical work in a law firm downtown.
5986,19,1,19,"Lily: Oh, what firm?"
5987,19,1,19,"Mary: Douglas, O'Halloran and Stamp."
5988,19,1,19,Marshall: That's a real law firm.
5989,19,1,19,Mary: I know.
5990,19,1,19,Marshall: Nice.
5991,19,1,19,Ted: You're pretty good on your feet.
5992,19,1,19,Mary: Are you flirting with me?
5993,19,1,19,Ted: Is that allowed?
5994,19,1,19,"Mary: Yes, it's encouraged."
5995,19,1,19,"Ted: You know, I wouldn't normally say this on a first date, but... well, considering... I'm just going to say it. You are so hot!"
5996,19,1,19,"Mary: Well, thank you."
5997,19,1,19,Ted: You're welcome.
5998,19,1,19,"Robin: Mary, Ted is a great guy. You hold on to him. Don't let him out of your sight for a minute."
5999,19,1,19,"Ted: So, Sandy, what do you do? Oh, wait, I know what you do. You're the guy who reads the paper in the morning."
6000,19,1,19,"Sandy: You got me. What do you do, Ted?"
6001,19,1,19,"Ted: Oh, same thing as you-- I read the paper every morning. But then after that, I finish my coffee and I go to my real job as an architect where I make an actual contribution to the world. I'm just kidding. Love your show. You're terrific."
6002,19,1,19,Sandy: Thanks. I never tire of hearing that.
6003,19,1,19,"Mary: Hey, you know that scene in Empire where they lower the helmet onto Darth Vader's head? Do you think that's how Sandy puts his hair on in the morning?"
6004,19,1,19,"Ted: You just insulted someone I hate by referencing something I love. Damn, you just got even hotter."
6005,19,1,19,"Ted from 2030: And so, as the night wore on, I started to realize, this girl, despite what she did for a living, was kind of great."
6006,19,1,19,Ted: Hey.
6007,19,1,19,"Robin: Hey. Mary seems nice. Have you kissed her yet, or are you waiting until you're in a serious relationship with someone else?"
6008,19,1,19,"Ted: I, uh... I wanted to apologize for everything that happened."
6009,19,1,19,"Robin: And just like that, it's all okay. Roll credits."
6010,19,1,19,"Ted: So you're going to be mad at me forever? What, we're not even friends now?"
6011,19,1,19,Robin: We're still friends.
6012,19,1,19,"Ted: Are we? You don't return my calls, we never hang out and now you're trying to make my jealous by waving Edward R. Moron in my face?"
6013,19,1,19,"Robin: Oh, and Paralegally Blonde isn't here in her low-cut dress to make me jealous?"
6014,19,1,19,"Ted: Oh, so now she's a whore?"
6015,19,1,19,Robin: What?
6016,19,1,19,"Ted: You know something? Mary the paralegal is awesome. And you know what else? I didn't come here tonight to make you jealous, I came here to support you as a friend. And frankly, I'm sick of trying."
6017,19,1,19,Sandy: I like that guy.
6018,19,1,19,Ted: Hey.
6019,19,1,19,Sandy: Hey. What were you guys talking about over there?
6020,19,1,19,"Ted: Oh, I was, uh, just telling my friend that I think you're awesome."
6021,19,1,19,"Sandy: Well, thanks. You know, this is one of the nicer hotels I've ever been in."
6022,19,1,19,"Ted: Oh, yeah, my friend did the remodel. You should see the rooms. The views are amazing."
6023,19,1,19,Mary: Yeah? Maybe it's too bad we don't have a room.
6024,19,1,19,"Barney: Room 1506. My treat. You kids go nuts. Actually, don't use the mini-bar. Do it. Come on, Ted, do it. This is one of those things you have to do before you turn 30."
6025,19,1,19,Ted: Sleep with a prostitute?
6026,19,1,19,"Barney: No, lose your virginity. What up. Statistic-- men who have had at least one relationship with a prostitute are 75% more likely to have success in future relationships."
6027,19,1,19,Marshall: You just made that up.
6028,19,1,19,Barney: Withdrawn.
6029,19,1,19,"Marshall: Lawyered. Okay, three things. First of all, Robin's category's almost up. And second of all, you cannot do this. It's wrong on every level. And third, I've been placing small items in Sandy's hair all night. He still hasn't noticed."
6030,19,1,19,Ted: I know I can't do this. I'm not doing this. It's just... it's a shame. She's really cool.
6031,19,1,19,"Marshall: Yeah, well... there we go."
6032,19,1,19,"Vampire Lou: Scooter ""Bam-Bam"" Branson for A Bicycle-- Joyride or Deathtrap? Mike Murphy for 13, Pregnant and Addicted. And Robin Scherbotsky for Pickles, the Singing Dog. And the winner is... Robin Scherbotsky."
6033,19,1,19,"Robin: Thanks. Oh, wow. This is really a surprise. Um, you know it's nice to be able to share this award with my friends. They're all here tonight. Marshall, Lily, Sandy Rivers... Barney... And that's it. Those are all my friends. Thank you."
6034,19,1,19,Marshall: Congratulations.
6035,19,1,19,"Robin: Oh, thanks. Um, Sandy, do you want to get a cab?"
6036,19,1,19,Sandy: Sure. Let's go.
6037,19,1,19,"Ted: Yeah, this party's dead. Mary, you want to go upstairs? We, uh, got a room."
6038,19,1,19,"Marshall: Dude, what are you doing?"
6039,19,1,19,Ted: What's it look like?
6040,19,1,19,"Marshall: It looks bad, is what it looks like. You cannot do this."
6041,19,1,19,"Ted: Marshall, she is a really cool girl when you get to know her. Besides, I'm trying to make Robin jealous."
6042,19,1,19,"Marshall: Oh, that's real mature."
6043,19,1,19,"Lily: Marshall, what is up with you and Ted?"
6044,19,1,19,"Marshall: Nothing, baby. Don't worry about it. Fine. Do what you want. Hey."
6045,19,1,19,Mary: Should we go?
6046,19,1,19,Ted: Yeah. Thanks. Well... Good night.
6047,19,1,19,Robin: Good night.
6048,19,1,19,
6049,19,1,19,In the elevator
6050,19,1,19,"Ted: So, did you and Barney ever...?"
6051,19,1,19,Mary: There's not enough money in the world.
6052,19,1,19,"Ted: Oh, thank God."
6053,19,1,19,"Marshall: Wow, so they're...? Robin, where's Sandy Rivers?"
6054,19,1,19,Robin: I put him in a cab.
6055,19,1,19,Barney: So you and he aren't...?
6056,19,1,19,Robin: I don't date people I work with. I was just trying to make Ted jealous. Is he...?
6057,19,1,19,Marshall: He's off trying to make you jealous.
6058,19,1,19,"Robin: Oh, well, good for them. And, you know, if Ted likes her, she's probably pretty cool."
6059,19,1,19,"Marshall: Lily, I know you're asleep, but I have to tell someone this, and we tell each other everything. So, here it goes. Mary's not a paralegal. She's a prostitute."
6060,19,1,19,"Lily, waking up: Mary's a prostitute?"
6061,19,1,19,Robin: What?!
6062,19,1,19,Marshall: Barney paid for her.
6063,19,1,19,Lily: Is that true?
6064,19,1,19,"Marshall: We were having a conversation about prostitution, and then Barney calls her up and then she shows up at the bar and now she and Ted are upstairs."
6065,19,1,19,"Robin: Okay, seriously, what is going on with Ted lately? Is he having a nervous breakdown?"
6066,19,1,19,"Lily: You know, Barney, for anyone else, this would be a new low, but sadly, for you, it's just a new middle. Oh, my God, I used her lipstick! Ah!"
6067,19,1,19,Marshall: That's her napkin.
6068,19,1,19,Lily: No!
6069,19,1,19,"Barney: Okay, well, I guess now is as good a time as any. In keeping with tonight's award show motif, I'd like to announce this evening's big twist ending! Vampire Lou, would you do the honors?"
6070,19,1,19,"Vampire Lou: ""Mary's not really a prostitute."""
6071,19,1,19,Marshall: What?
6072,19,1,19,"Barney: That's all, Vampire Lou. Nicely done."
6073,19,1,19,Marshall: So she's not...?
6074,19,1,19,"Barney: No. Mary's just a paralegal who lives in my building. Oh-- ha-ha! And here's the best part-- she has no idea that Ted thinks she's a hooker. Oh, come on. If you don't laugh, it just seems mean."
6075,19,1,19,In the hall of the hotel
6076,19,1,19,Ted: I feel kind of like Richard Gere.
6077,19,1,19,"Mary: Not shy about your looks, are you?"
6078,19,1,19,"Ted: No. You know, Mary, I've never done this before."
6079,19,1,19,Mary: Done what?
6080,19,1,19,"Ted: You know, been... on a ""date."""
6081,19,1,19,"Mary: Yeah, right. Wait, you're kidding, right?"
6082,19,1,19,"Ted: No. Why, is that so odd?"
6083,19,1,19,"Mary: Well, Ted, I mean, I've been going on dates since I was 15."
6084,19,1,19,"Ted: God, you were just a kid. Well, look, let's just have a few drinks. We'll relax and..."
6085,19,1,19,"Mary: Yeah, that sounds great. I had clients riding me all day long."
6086,19,1,19,Ted: Must be tough.
6087,19,1,19,"Mary: Yeah. I mean, this one guy just wouldn't leave me alone. I mean, talk about a**l. Well, here we are."
6088,19,1,19,"Ted: Okay, look, Mary, I like you a lot. I'm sort of amazed at how much I like you, but I can't do this. You're a hooker."
6089,19,1,19,Mary: What?
6090,19,1,19,"Ted: Look, maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I'm sorry, that's a deal-breaker for me. I'm not going to have s*x with a prostitute."
6091,19,1,19,"Mary: No... Ted, I'm a paralegal."
6092,19,1,19,"Ted: Come on, Mary, there's no one else around. You're a hooker."
6093,19,1,19,"Mary: No, Ted... I'm a paralegal."
6094,19,1,19,"Ted: No, you're a hooker."
6095,19,1,19,"Mary: No, I'm a paralegal."
6096,19,1,19,Ted: You're a paralegal.
6097,19,1,19,The Bar
6098,19,1,19,Ted: That was not funny.
6099,19,1,19,"Marshall: Not funny, dude."
6100,19,1,19,"Barney: I know, it was hilarious."
6101,19,1,19,Ted: Why would you do that?
6102,19,1,19,Barney: I did it to prove a point.
6103,19,1,19,Ted: What point?
6104,19,1,19,"Barney: Stay with me. It's going to come to me. No. Ah, okay, here's the point. You thought that Mary was a sure thing, right? So what happened? She took you up to a hotel room on the first date. All you have to do is be that confident with every girl you meet and your slump is over."
6105,19,1,19,"Ted: So the message is, I should treat every woman like a whore?"
6106,19,1,19,"Barney: Come on, dude, you should be thanking me."
6107,19,1,19,Ted: She slapped me and stormed off.
6108,19,1,19,Barney: Can you blame her? You called her a hooker.
6109,19,1,19,"Marshall: I'm sorry, dude, it was funny."
6110,19,1,19,"Ted: Yeah. Well, it's getting late. I should get back to my room."
6111,19,1,19,Barney: Your room?
6112,19,1,19,"Ted: Yeah, that really expensive hotel room you put on your credit card-- never checked out. By the way, you know what's super fun? Pouring Dom Perignon down a bathtub drain. Well, it's almost 3:00. Got a massage. Toodles."
6113,19,1,19,(Ted leaves)
6114,19,1,19,"Marshall: Come on, if you don't laugh, it just seems mean."
6115,20,1,20,Lily and Marshall are running in the streets
6116,20,1,20,"Ted from 2030: Kids, about eight months into Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall's engagement, there occurred a game-changing emergency."
6117,20,1,20,"[12 minutes earlier, at the appartment]"
6118,20,1,20,Marshall: Van Smoot is available.
6119,20,1,20,"Lily: Oh, my God!"
6120,20,1,20,"Ted from 2030: Van Smoot House was a gorgeous mansion right on the Hudson River. It had everything Marshall and Lily wanted for their wedding, but it was never available. And then, suddenly, it was."
6121,20,1,20,Marshall: There was a cancellation two months from now.
6122,20,1,20,Lily: You want to have our wedding in two months? No. It's impossible.
6123,20,1,20,"Marshall: It's Van Smoot, Lily. It's the dream!"
6124,20,1,20,"Lily: No, there's just not enough time. There's no way... Oh! Mini-vomit."
6125,20,1,20,"Marshall: Okay, look, look, look. I know that it's sudden, but check it. If we don't take this, guess who's on their way with a deposit check."
6126,20,1,20,Lily: Todd and Valerie?
6127,20,1,20,(An other couple is running)
6128,20,1,20,"Ted from 2030: When you're planning a wedding, there's always one couple with similar taste that seems to be one step ahead of you. Todd and Valerie were that couple."
6129,20,1,20,Marshall: We got to make a decision. Todd and Valerie are in motion. Van Smoot!
6130,20,1,20,"Lily: Oh! Kids, color!(Lily runs out of class, Marshall runs out pf the appartment, they join in the street) Come on, baby."
6131,20,1,20,"Marshall: Come on, come on, come on."
6132,20,1,20,"Todd: Hello, Marshall. Lily."
6133,20,1,20,Marshall: Todd. Valerie. Stairs.
6134,20,1,20,The Bar
6135,20,1,20,Lily: I can't believe it. We got Van Smoot House.
6136,20,1,20,Marshall: It is on. It is on! Like the former Soviet Republic of Azerbaijan.
6137,20,1,20,Robin: What?
6138,20,1,20,Marshall: You're a wonder.
6139,20,1,20,Ted: Wow! You guys are getting married in two months.
6140,20,1,20,Robin: How are you going to get everything done?
6141,20,1,20,"Lily: Division of labor. Everyone's got a job to do, so listen up. Okay, Robin, you and Ted go to the florist."
6142,20,1,20,Ted from 2030: Robin had been mad at me since the night I slightly exaggerated my not-having-a-girlfriend-ness.
6143,20,1,20,[FLASHBACK]
6144,20,1,20,Ted: Was it...?
6145,20,1,20,Robin: It was your girlfriend. You might want to call her back.
6146,20,1,20,[END OF FLASHBACK]
6147,20,1,20,"Lily: Or, actually, Robin, why don't you go to the florist? And, Ted, I could use your keen architectural eye on... on the invitations."
6148,20,1,20,"Marshall: Wow. That was really awkward, Lil. And still. It's still really awkward right now."
6149,20,1,20,"Barney: Hey, what about me? What's my job? What do I get to do?"
6150,20,1,20,"Lily: Okay, your job is very simple. At the wedding, do not sleep with anyone even remotely related to me."
6151,20,1,20,"Barney: Lil, you know I can't promise that."
6152,20,1,20,At the appartment
6153,20,1,20,"(Lily fell asleep on wedding books, Marshall and Ted enters)"
6154,20,1,20,"Marshall: Shh! Shh! Look how cute she looks. All tuckered out. Hey, babe. Hey, little one. Hey, Lilypad."
6155,20,1,20,Lily: Crap! Band! We forgot a band! It's just gonna be silence and then people chewing.
6156,20,1,20,"Marshall: Shh! Shh! Baby, don't worry about it. I called The 88!"
6157,20,1,20,Lily: Who?
6158,20,1,20,Marshall: The 88. They're this awesome band. They played my law review party. They were found guilty. On three counts of rocking.
6159,20,1,20,"Ted: I saw them two months ago at my cousin Bonzo's wedding, they were great."
6160,20,1,20,"Lily: John ""Bonzo"" Bonham from Led Zeppelin?"
6161,20,1,20,"Ted: Yes, Lily, my cousin, the drummer from Led Zeppelin, who died in 1980, got married two months ago."
6162,20,1,20,"Lily: Look, I... I can't sign off on a band I've never even seen. We... we don't even know if they can play our song. They're... they're going to have to come over here and audition."
6163,20,1,20,"Marshall: Baby, The 88 don't audition. They're, like, the Wiggles of wedding bands."
6164,20,1,20,"Lily: Well, then... I have to say no."
6165,20,1,20,"Marshall: Baby, they're only holding the date until Monday."
6166,20,1,20,"Lily: Well... well, are they playing anywhere this weekend?"
6167,20,1,20,Marshall: Let me check their Website.
6168,20,1,20,Lily: What?
6169,20,1,20,"Ted: Lily, you're being a wee bit intense about this band thing."
6170,20,1,20,"Lily: Intense? I have a wedding to plan in nine weeks for 200 people. Even if a dinosaur should poke his head out of my butt and consume this coffee table, I need you to roll with it, okay?"
6171,20,1,20,Ted: Wow.
6172,20,1,20,(Barney enters)
6173,20,1,20,Barney: Guys! I just tasted an amazing caterer.
6174,20,1,20,Lily: We already have a caterer.
6175,20,1,20,"Barney: Oh, right. You're getting married. You see what I did there? Took a..."
6176,20,1,20,Marshall: It looks like The 88 are playing at a high school prom in New Jersey tomorrow.
6177,20,1,20,Lily: A prom? Can... can we go to that?
6178,20,1,20,"Marshall: Yeah, we'll just call the high school, they'll let us stand in the back and watch."
6179,20,1,20,[11 secondes later...]
6180,20,1,20,"Lily: Yeah. No, they won't."
6181,20,1,20,Marshall: Why not?
6182,20,1,20,Lily: 'Cause it turns out we're not in high school.
6183,20,1,20,"Barney: No sweat, we'll just sneak in."
6184,20,1,20,Marshall: We're not sneaking in to a high school prom.
6185,20,1,20,"Lily: Yes, we are. It's the only way."
6186,20,1,20,"Ted: You're getting on board with Barney's idea? Man, you really have snapped."
6187,20,1,20,"Lily: It's nine weeks till the wedding. At this point, I'd say yes to just about anything."
6188,20,1,20,Barney: Well...
6189,20,1,20,"Lily: No, Barney."
6190,20,1,20,The Bar
6191,20,1,20,"Ted from 2030: And so, Aunt Lily had the plan to crash the prom."
6192,20,1,20,Robin: I'll go with you.
6193,20,1,20,Lily: Really?
6194,20,1,20,Robin: Yeah. I never got to go to my prom. We always had field hockey nationals in the spring.
6195,20,1,20,Barney: Lesbian.
6196,20,1,20,"Robin: The cough is supposed to cover the ""lesbian."""
6197,20,1,20,"Barney: No, I'm trying to start a thing where the cough is separate."
6198,20,1,20,Lily: Do you think we look young enough to blend in at a high school?
6199,20,1,20,"Barney: Please, I'm ageless, Scherbotsky just needs a good night's sleep, and you've got ""statutory"" written all over your body."
6200,20,1,20,"Ted: Hey, why don't we all go?"
6201,20,1,20,Robin: I don't know-- more people might be harder to sneak in. We don't want to mess things up for Lily.
6202,20,1,20,"Ted: Yeah, you're right. Besides, Marshall and I have been planning on having a guy's night out before the wedding. Why don't we just make it tomorrow night?"
6203,20,1,20,Marshall: Sounds awesome. We should go out and just get freakin' weird.
6204,20,1,20,Ted: Yeah.
6205,20,1,20,"Marshall: 'Cause, you know, you be a bad, bad man, and I be an outlaw."
6206,20,1,20,"Barney: Wow. Hey, Thelma, Louise, y'all don't drive off no cliffs now, ya hear? Lame! But seriously, leave me a message, and we'll meet up later."
6207,20,1,20,At the appartment
6208,20,1,20,"Lily: All right, what do you think?"
6209,20,1,20,Barney: Horrible.
6210,20,1,20,Lily: You're gonna make such a great dad.
6211,20,1,20,"Barney: You look so classy and nice. You're going to stick out like a sore thumb. Have you seen how the kids are dressing these days, with the Ashlee and the Lindsay and the Paris? They all dress like strippers. It's go ho or go home."
6212,20,1,20,"Lily: Well, we have to get in. I have to see this band, 'cause we have to make a decision by Monday, 'cause I'm getting married in 71 days, and we still don't have..."
6213,20,1,20,"Robin: Shh. Sweetie, just focus on one thing at a time, okay? Right now, you just have to dress like a whore and that's it."
6214,20,1,20,Lily: All right.
6215,20,1,20,"Barney: That's the spirit. Now, ladies, slut up!"
6216,20,1,20,In the bedroom
6217,20,1,20,"Robin: I never thought this would be a bad thing, but my wardrobe just isn't slutty enough."
6218,20,1,20,Lily: I didn't know I still had this.
6219,20,1,20,Robin: What?
6220,20,1,20,Lily: The dress I wore to my actual prom.
6221,20,1,20,[FLASHBACK]
6222,20,1,20,"Scooter: Dude, you are the hottest girl at this prom, and not like in a corporate, plastic way. Like, truly, truly hot. Like a hot soul."
6223,20,1,20,"Lily: Aw, you look great, too, Scooter."
6224,20,1,20,Scooter: So big news. I heard from umpire school. I'm in!
6225,20,1,20,"Lily: Oh, disco! I am so happy for you."
6226,20,1,20,"Scooter: You mean happy for us, right, babe?"
6227,20,1,20,"Lily: Scooter, you're gonna be an umpire someday."
6228,20,1,20,"Scooter: No, baby. We're gonna be an umpire someday."
6229,20,1,20,[END OF FLASHBACK]
6230,20,1,20,"Barney: Nice. You ladies look good, but your outfits are missing just one thing."
6231,20,1,20,"Robin: No, Barney, this is as far as we're going to go. I'm not showing anymore..."
6232,20,1,20,Barney: Two beautiful flowers for two beautiful flowers.
6233,20,1,20,Lily: Aw. Sweet. Thank you.
6234,20,1,20,"Barney: Oh, Robin, are you tearing up?"
6235,20,1,20,"Robin: No. I've never been to prom before, okay?"
6236,20,1,20,Lily: We got to go. See ya.
6237,20,1,20,"Ted: Bye, have fun. See you."
6238,20,1,20,"(Lily, Robin and Barney leave)"
6239,20,1,20,"Marshall: They grow up into skanks so fast, don't they, Ted?"
6240,20,1,20,"Ted: So, what, we ready for tonight?"
6241,20,1,20,Marshall: Yeah. Just one thing we got to do first.
6242,20,1,20,Ted: Shot of Jim Beam?
6243,20,1,20,Marshall: Yeah.
6244,20,1,20,Ted: Yes!
6245,20,1,20,Marshall: And then I promised Lily that we'd stuff 200 wedding invitations.
6246,20,1,20,Ted: What?!
6247,20,1,20,"Marshall: I'm sorry, dude, but you saw how stressed out she is."
6248,20,1,20,"Ted: Come on! You've been doing wedding stuff nonstop. Take a break. Once you're married, if we go out and you get so drunk you throw up, it'll be sad, but if we do it tonight... it'll be less sad."
6249,20,1,20,"Marshall: Okay, it'll be cool-- I'll tell you what. We'll make a game out of it. First one to stuff a hundred invitations gets a big prize."
6250,20,1,20,"Ted: Do I look like I'm four? All right, what kind of prize are we talking?"
6251,20,1,20,
6252,20,1,20,Outside the prom
6253,20,1,20,"Lily: Wow, a lot more security than when we were kids."
6254,20,1,20,Robin: Is this gonna work?
6255,20,1,20,"Lily: Yeah. Look, when I was 17, I used to sneak into clubs all the time. It's all about confidence. Follow me. Whee-hoo! Happy prom, everybody. Going to prom-- whee-hoo!"
6256,20,1,20,"Security guard: Uh, you're adults."
6257,20,1,20,"Lily: Okay, bye. Okay, look, I just need to see the band. I'm getting married in two months, and..."
6258,20,1,20,Security guard: And you're just finding a band?
6259,20,1,20,"Barney: Hey, ho, hey!"
6260,20,1,20,"Security guard: I'm sorry, ma'am. You either need to be a student or the date of a student."
6261,20,1,20,"Lily: Wow. ""Ma'am?"" Check and mate."
6262,20,1,20,"Barney: It's cool. Time to activate plan B. Scherbotsky, how comfortable are you with a crossbow? Scherbotsky?"
6263,20,1,20,"Robin: Hey, guys. Do you want to take two hot girls to prom?"
6264,20,1,20,Boy: We don't have that kind of money.
6265,20,1,20,Robin: For free.
6266,20,1,20,"Boy: Oh, hell yeah!"
6267,20,1,20,"Robin: Great. I'm Robin, this is my friend Lily."
6268,20,1,20,Lily: Hi. Shall we?
6269,20,1,20,Boy: Sure. I knew it would happen. This is the dream.
6270,20,1,20,"Robin: Oh, hey, wait. How's Barney getting in?"
6271,20,1,20,Barney: Don't worry about me. I'll get in. Oh... I'll get in.
6272,20,1,20,Inside the building
6273,20,1,20,Lily: We're in!
6274,20,1,20,Singer: Thank you. We're going to take a break.
6275,20,1,20,"Lily: Oh, you're kidding me."
6276,20,1,20,"Boy #1: Hey, uh, you ladies want something to take the edge off?"
6277,20,1,20,"Robin: Yeah, what the hell? It's prom. That tastes like cough syrup."
6278,20,1,20,"Boy #1: Yeah, we couldn't get any alcohol. Um, our fake IDs say we're only 20. We didn't realize it till after we bought them."
6279,20,1,20,"Robin: Nerds who aren't good at math? Life's going to be rough, boys."
6280,20,1,20,"Lily: Hi. Excuse me. I was wondering if you guys could play ""Good Feeling"" by the Violent Femmes. I know it's probably not in your repertoire, but I'm getting married and my fiancé wants to hire you guys as the band, but I can't sign off on it until I hear you play ""Good Feeling"" because that's our song, and what kind of wedding band would you be if you couldn't play our song, right? Right?"
6281,20,1,20,"Man: Look, I'm kinda wasted right now, so I didn't understand any of that. But, uh, if you get us the sheet music, we'll play your song."
6282,20,1,20,"Boy #1: So, you buzzing, baby?"
6283,20,1,20,Robin: My phlegm feels looser.
6284,20,1,20,At the appartment
6285,20,1,20,"Ted: This is pathetic. It's guys' night. We should be out in a bar getting in fights. If I got in a fight, would you have my back?"
6286,20,1,20,Marshall: You know it.
6287,20,1,20,"Ted: I'd have your back, too."
6288,20,1,20,Marshall: That's cool.
6289,20,1,20,"Ted: What, you don't think you'd need my help? You don't know what I can do. I'm like... like a berserker."
6290,20,1,20,"Marshall: Okay, Ted. (His phone starts rigging) Hello."
6291,20,1,20,"Robin: Hey, it's Robin. Um, Lily needs you to download the sheet music for ""Good Feeling"" and bring it out here, like, now."
6292,20,1,20,Marshall: Hang on. It's Robin. She wants me to go to prom. Can Ted come?
6293,20,1,20,Ted: Wait! Don't ask! That's so lame! I don't even want to go anyway.
6294,20,1,20,"Robin: Uh, I don't know. Things have been so weird between us."
6295,20,1,20,Ted: What'd she say? What'd she say?
6296,20,1,20,"Robin: He lied and told me he broke up with his girlfriend to try to hook up with me. I mean, I know he apologized for it but it's just, it's not easy to forgive. Look, if you absolutely must bring Ted, it's, it's not like I'm going to claw my own eyes out if he comes."
6297,20,1,20,"Marshall: Okay, bye. She totally wants you to come."
6298,20,1,20,At the prom
6299,20,1,20,"Robin: All right, sheet music's on the way. Are you okay?"
6300,20,1,20,Lily: There's just so much to do for this wedding. My head is swirling. It's just all moving too fast.
6301,20,1,20,[FLASHBACK]
6302,20,1,20,Scooter: How is it moving too fast? We've been together for two years.
6303,20,1,20,Lily: I just... I just don't want everything in my life to be decided already.
6304,20,1,20,"Scooter: What's decided? I go to umpire school, you go to college. We move into my dad's house in Staten Island. We have kids, we grow old together. What's decided? It's wide open!"
6305,20,1,20,"Lily: Scooter, when I go off to college, that's the end for us."
6306,20,1,20,"Scooter: You're, you're breaking up with me?"
6307,20,1,20,"Lily: There's still so much I want to do. I want to travel, live overseas as an artist, maybe have a lesbian relationship. Plus, I think I was just dating you 'cause you look a little bit like Kurt Cobain."
6308,20,1,20,"Scooter: I can't believe this. I can change. I can look more like Kurt Cobain. Please, just don't leave me. I'm nothing without you, baby."
6309,20,1,20,Lily: Please don't put that kind of pressure on me! It's too much!
6310,20,1,20,[END OF FLASHBACK]
6311,20,1,20,"Boy #2: It's just one dance, God!"
6312,20,1,20,Lily: What?
6313,20,1,20,"Robin: Well, we did promise them one dance."
6314,20,1,20,"Lily: Yeah, sure, okay. So Andrew, what's your big plan? What's life going to be like after tonight?"
6315,20,1,20,"Andrew: Well, you know I got it all worked out. Uh, leave this place in my dust, four awesome years at college, and then I'll move to Prague or start my own video game company or something."
6316,20,1,20,"Lily: No, you won't."
6317,20,1,20,Andrew: I won't?
6318,20,1,20,"Lily: No, you won't accomplish anything you set out to. You'll get a girlfriend the first day of college and you'll give up your independence and you'll never live abroad and you'll wind up old before your time wondering ""Whatever happened to my hopes and my dreams?"""
6319,20,1,20,Andrew: Whoa. You really think I'll get a girlfriend?
6320,20,1,20,"Boy #1: So, uh, what's the deal here? Am I getting lucky tonight?"
6321,20,1,20,"Robin: Oh, Sean, look, um, you're a nice guy, but I just don't... No, you're not getting lucky tonight."
6322,20,1,20,"Giant Turtle: Okay, just be cool. Don't look at me."
6323,20,1,20,Ted: Okay.
6324,20,1,20,Giant Turtle: How'd you get in here?
6325,20,1,20,"Marshall: What's it to you, giant turtle?"
6326,20,1,20,"Giant Turtle: It's me, Barney."
6327,20,1,20,"Marshall: Oh, hey. Where's Lily?"
6328,20,1,20,Barney: She's in the bathroom.
6329,20,1,20,"Marshall: Wait here, I should go talk to the band."
6330,20,1,20,Ted: All right.
6331,20,1,20,Barney: How did you guys get in here?
6332,20,1,20,Ted: We just snuck in the back.
6333,20,1,20,Barney: You just snu... Are you serious? I've been trying to get in here all night. I finally paid a janitor 200 bucks to let me borrow this mascot costume.
6334,20,1,20,Ted: But you got in. Slow and steady won the race.
6335,20,1,20,"Marshall: Hey, bro, have you seen my fiancée Lily?"
6336,20,1,20,"Andrew: Your fiancée? Whoa, tonight she's with me, bro. Unless you're looking for trouble."
6337,20,1,20,"Marshall: Listen, little buddy, I understand it's prom and the adrenaline's pumping, but..."
6338,20,1,20,"Andrew: No, not tonight. I've waited too long for this. I finally got a girl and I'm not going to let you take her away from me."
6339,20,1,20,"Marshall: Whoa, whoa. Look, let's not get carried away."
6340,20,1,20,Andrew: Yah! Nunchaku!
6341,20,1,20,Lily: I can't believe I unloaded like that on a high school senior.
6342,20,1,20,"Robin: I can't believe a high school senior unloaded like that on me. I'm going to ask you something and, um, maybe it's crazy 'cause you guys are the cutest couple ever. But, um, are you having second thoughts?"
6343,20,1,20,Lily: Yeah. But not about Marshall. About me. I just keep thinking about the girl I was ten years ago and wondering what happened to her.
6344,20,1,20,[FLASHBACK]
6345,20,1,20,"Lily: I don't want to be tied down. I want to live in France and Spain and Italy and just soak up life and put it on a canvas, even if it means being a waitress in crappy cafés for five years, I don't care. I'm going to be a painter. And I can't do any of that with a, with a boyfriend shackled around my neck, you know? But anyway, I'm blabbering. Way to make new friends, Lily. I'm sorry. What was your name again?"
6346,20,1,20,Man: Marshall.
6347,20,1,20,"Lily: Nice to meet you, Marshall. Guess we're hallmates."
6348,20,1,20,Marshall: Yeah.
6349,20,1,20,Lily: It works.
6350,20,1,20,Marshall: Violent Femmes. I love this song.
6351,20,1,20,"Lily: Me, too."
6352,20,1,20,[END OF FLASHBACK]
6353,20,1,20,"Lily: I didn't have any of the experiences I set out to. The travel, the bohemian art life, my big lesbian experience. I didn't do any of it."
6354,20,1,20,"Robin: Lily, you're marrying your best friend in the world. I mean, isn't that worth all the other experiences combined?"
6355,20,1,20,Lily: Yeah.
6356,20,1,20,"Robin: And look, you can still travel, I mean, you can still paint. And as far as your lesbian experience... Happy?"
6357,20,1,20,"Lily: Yeah. So field hockey, huh?"
6358,20,1,20,Robin: Shut up.
6359,20,1,20,Outside
6360,20,1,20,"Security guard #1: Trespassing, assaulting a minor. This mascot costume you stole cost $5,000."
6361,20,1,20,"Security guard #2: We can have you guys arrested, you know that?"
6362,20,1,20,"Ted: Oh, come on-- you're the one who let in a kid with nunchakus. You call yourself security guards? I was just defending my boy here."
6363,20,1,20,Marshall: I totally could have taken that kid.
6364,20,1,20,"Ted: Uh, yeah, and I totally had your back, so..."
6365,20,1,20,"Marshall: Well, I don't need it, but thanks."
6366,20,1,20,"Ted: Uh, yeah, you did, and you're welcome."
6367,20,1,20,"Marshall: No, the kid was totally, like, a white belt and I'm gigantic. Listen, guys, I'm sorry. Please, I just need to get in there for one more song."
6368,20,1,20,Security guards: Absolutely not.
6369,20,1,20,"Barney: You guys will thank me for this later, okay? Listen, Don, Ray, can't we all...?"
6370,20,1,20,"(Barney takes the head of the turtle, and starts running away)"
6371,20,1,20,Security guard #1: Hey!
6372,20,1,20,"Ted: You know, for a turtle, he's surprisingly quick."
6373,20,1,20,Singer: This one goes out to that redhead girl and that tall guy.
6374,20,1,20,Ted: So how was your first prom?
6375,20,1,20,"Robin: You tell me. I hated my dress, my date got wasted and puked on me, there was a huge fight and I kissed a girl."
6376,20,1,20,"Ted: So, basically, it was a prom."
6377,20,1,20,"Robin: Okay, I've missed you. Not in a we're-going-to-make-out way, not even in an I-forgive-you way. Just in a I've-missed-you way."
6378,20,1,20,Ted: I'll take what I can get.
6379,20,1,20,"Barney: And that, my friends, is why you don't get your money's worth when you wear jeans to a strip club."
6380,20,1,20,"Marshall: So you got to admit, The 88 are rocking our song."
6381,20,1,20,"Lily: Yeah, it's good."
6382,20,1,20,"Marshall: Band? Check. Two months, baby. Two months."
6383,20,1,20,Lily: Two months.
6384,21,1,21,"Ted from 2030: Kids, life is a dark road. You never really know what's up ahead. One night you're cruising along enjoying the ride, and then all of a sudden, you're 28."
6385,21,1,21,At the Bar
6386,21,1,21,"Waitress: And for the birthday boy, lasagna."
6387,21,1,21,Ted: Thank you.
6388,21,1,21,Waitress: Careful. The plate is very hot.
6389,21,1,21,"Ted: 'Kay. Oh, go on, touch it."
6390,21,1,21,"Lily: Ah! Sweet damn, that's a hot plate."
6391,21,1,21,"Ted: All right, so, Barney, are you doing this or what?"
6392,21,1,21,"Robin: Oh, geez, Barney, don't do this."
6393,21,1,21,"Barney: I have to, it's my birthday present to Ted."
6394,21,1,21,"Marshall: You don't have to. Please, it's going to be embarrassing and we're going to have to stop coming here, which will suck... in addition to probably being kind of healthy."
6395,21,1,21,"Ted: Come on, Marshall, it's the greatest pickup line of all time. Barney."
6396,21,1,21,"Marshall: Oy, gevalt."
6397,21,1,21,"Barney: Ah... Happy birthday, Ted."
6398,21,1,21,Ted: Whoo-hoo!
6399,21,1,21,(Barney stands up and approaches a woman)
6400,21,1,21,"Barney: Uh, excuse me, has anyone ever told y... Oh, my God."
6401,21,1,21,Woman: What?
6402,21,1,21,Barney: Oh! Call an ambulance!
6403,21,1,21,Woman: What's going on?
6404,21,1,21,"Barney: Try not to speak. Here, sit down. Just don't talk, don't talk."
6405,21,1,21,Waitress: Is she okay?
6406,21,1,21,"Barney: I'm serious, call 911."
6407,21,1,21,Woman: What's wrong? What's the matter?
6408,21,1,21,"Barney: Shh! Shh! Just don't move. Don't move. Just try... Here, have some water. Water! Here, drink this. Shh! Shh!"
6409,21,1,21,"Robin: You know, the more I watch this, the less convinced I am that it's the greatest pickup line of all time."
6410,21,1,21,Ted: Wait for it.
6411,21,1,21,"Lily: 28. Two more 'til the big one, three-oh."
6412,21,1,21,"Ted from 2030: Actually, my 30th birthday wasn't so bad. Well, except for the goat in my bathroom. Which is a great story. But I'll get to that later."
6413,21,1,21,"Lily: Still, you know, another year older. Still single. You don't hear your Tedological clock ticking?"
6414,21,1,21,Ted: Nope. I hit the snooze button.
6415,21,1,21,Robin: And here come the paramedics.
6416,21,1,21,"Barney: Oh, thank God, you're here."
6417,21,1,21,Paramedic: What is going on?!
6418,21,1,21,Barney: I think there might be some internal bleeding. Probably some fractures. We got to get her to the hospital.
6419,21,1,21,Woman: What are you talking about?
6420,21,1,21,Barney: You've had a terrible fall.
6421,21,1,21,"Woman: No, I haven't."
6422,21,1,21,Barney: Really? 'Cause I could swear you fell straight out of heaven. Angel... Give him your number. What? Give him your number. What?
6423,21,1,21,All: Give him your number.
6424,21,1,21,"Barney: Come on, guys, you're embarrassing me."
6425,21,1,21,All: Give him your number.
6426,21,1,21,Barney: What are you...? Come on. They're not going to stop 'til you give me your number.
6427,21,1,21,Woman: All right!
6428,21,1,21,Barney: It works!
6429,21,1,21,Marshall: I cannot believe that she gave him her number.
6430,21,1,21,Robin: Maybe she really does have a brain injury.
6431,21,1,21,"Barney: Thank you, everyone. Thank you, everyone. It's been fun. It's Wendy the waitress. Tip her well. Thanks a lot, guys. Troilus and Cressida. Neighborhood Playhouse. Check them out, they're good."
6432,21,1,21,"Ted: I realize why I'm still single. I'm picky. I'm not going to settle. If I'm going to marry someone, she has to be perfect."
6433,21,1,21,"Lily: Well, what's perfect?"
6434,21,1,21,Ted: It's not like I have a list.
6435,21,1,21,"Robin: Oh, yes, you do."
6436,21,1,21,"Ted: Attractive, college-educated, she wants two kids-- a boy and a girl..."
6437,21,1,21,Lily: That's not hard. I know at least...
6438,21,1,21,"Ted: I'm not done. She likes dogs, Otis Redding, does the crossword. She's into sports, but not so much so that her legs are, like, more muscular than mine. That weirds me out. And she plays bass guitar like Kim Deal from the Pixies."
6439,21,1,21,Marshall: Or Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth.
6440,21,1,21,"Ted: Any Kim from any cool band, really. Can't be too picky."
6441,21,1,21,Lily: You're never going to find this girl.
6442,21,1,21,Ted: Exactly. So I'm just going to wait for her to come to me. I am done trying to plan the unplannable.
6443,21,1,21,"Marshall: So, what, you think fate's just going to take care of it?"
6444,21,1,21,Ted: That's the plan.
6445,21,1,21,"Ted from 2030: And little did I know, at that very moment, fate... in the form of a 600 gigahertz superprocessing computer... was taking care of it."
6446,21,1,21,At the appartment
6447,21,1,21,"Ted: Whoa, you're up early."
6448,21,1,21,"Lily: Yeah, thought I'd whip up some pancakes."
6449,21,1,21,Ted: Does Marshall know?
6450,21,1,21,Lily: He's still sound asleep.
6451,21,1,21,"Marshall: Awesome. So awesome. God! Best girl ever. Screw these pancakes, I should cover you in syrup and gobble you up."
6452,21,1,21,"Ted: Please don't do that. Hey, is this milk any good?"
6453,21,1,21,"Marshall: Oh, yeah, that totally got me yesterday."
6454,21,1,21,"Ted: God, why didn't you throw it away?"
6455,21,1,21,Lily: I'm going shopping after work. I'll pick up some milk.
6456,21,1,21,Marshall: Oh...! These pancakes are delightful.
6457,21,1,21,"Lily: What's wrong, baby?"
6458,21,1,21,Marshall: This is the high point of my day.
6459,21,1,21,"Ted from 2030: It was true. See, Marshall had always dreamed of using his law degree to protect the environment. But he needed money for the wedding, so he'd been interning for two months at Barney's firm... and he hated every minute of it."
6460,21,1,21,Barney's office
6461,21,1,21,"Marshall: Hey, Barney, I had some questions about filling out these requisition forms."
6462,21,1,21,Barney: Binoculars. Second pair on my desk.
6463,21,1,21,"Marshall: I don't have time to be creepy, dude. I have a lot of work to do."
6464,21,1,21,"Barney: Just take a look, will ya? Okay, corner office. Top floor. Check out that guy. Name's Clark Butterfield. He works over at Nicholson, Hewitt and West and every morning, he orders a sandwich from the deli downstairs."
6465,21,1,21,Marshall: So?
6466,21,1,21,"Barney: So guess what I did to that sandwich? Here, I took a picture."
6467,21,1,21,Marshall: Oh! Sweet Lord.
6468,21,1,21,Barney: And now I'm e-mailing said picture to him.
6469,21,1,21,Marshall: Ooh! Duck! That is sick! Why would you do that?
6470,21,1,21,Barney: Who knows? This feud goes so far back I can't remember who fired the first shot.
6471,21,1,21,Marshall: You?
6472,21,1,21,"Barney: Totally. Well, look, if you would just... help me fill out these forms, that would be great."
6473,21,1,21,Marshall: What?
6474,21,1,21,"Barney: Butterfield is going to retaliate within the next four hours. That's been his pattern. This is war, Eriksen. I need you to clear your schedule, call Lily, tell her you'll be home late."
6475,21,1,21,Marshall: This is stupid.
6476,21,1,21,"Barney: Stu... Come on, man, I didn't recruit you to work here for your lawyering skills. I recruited you to be my executive mischief consultant."
6477,21,1,21,"Marshall: This is a job for me, Barney. It's a way to make some extra wedding money, and that's it. Now I'm sorry, but I have work to do."
6478,21,1,21,"Barney: Tracy, could you come in here, please? Would you please inform Mr. Eriksen that I'm no longer speaking to him."
6479,21,1,21,"Tracy: Mr. Eriksen, Mr. Stinson is no longer..."
6480,21,1,21,"Marshall: I get it. Thank you, Tracy."
6481,21,1,21,At the appartment
6482,21,1,21,Ted: Hello?
6483,21,1,21,Man: Hello. May I speak with a Mr. Ted Mosby?
6484,21,1,21,Ted: Speaking.
6485,21,1,21,"Man: Mr. Mosby, how you doing, sir? Bob Rorschach over here at Love Solutions. You signed up for our services about six months ago."
6486,21,1,21,"Ted: Uh, yeah. You guys never found me a match."
6487,21,1,21,"Bob: Right. Well... actually, that's why I'm calling. We found her, sir. We found your soul mate."
6488,21,1,21,At Love Solutions
6489,21,1,21,Ted: I don't understand. What happened to Ellen Pierce? Doesn't she run this place?
6490,21,1,21,"Bob: Well, my firm bought out the company. You know, we're a high-end meats and textiles conglomerate, but the geniuses at corporate decided they wanted to diversify, so... here I am."
6491,21,1,21,Ted: So I'm in good hands. You found me a match?
6492,21,1,21,Bob: There she is. Your soul mate. That'll be 500 bucks.
6493,21,1,21,"Ted: No way. The last time I did this, the girl turned out to be engaged."
6494,21,1,21,Bob: She's not engaged. She's your soul mate. Just read the file.
6495,21,1,21,"Ted from 2030: So I read the file. And by God, this woman was perfect. She liked dogs, she spent her summers in North Carolina, she played bass guitar, she did the Times crossword, she played tennis, she liked old movies, her favorite food was lasagna, her favorite book was Love in the Time of Cholera, her favorite singer was Otis Redding and she wanted two kids-- a boy and a girl."
6496,21,1,21,"Ted: All right, fine. Set it up."
6497,21,1,21,Barney's office
6498,21,1,21,"Marshall: You wanted to see me, so I guess that means we're talking again?"
6499,21,1,21,Barney: Will you taste this latte for me? I think they gave me decaf.
6500,21,1,21,Marshall: Tastes normal to me.
6501,21,1,21,"Barney: That's what I thought, too. Then I got this e-mail from Butterfield."
6502,21,1,21,"Marshall: Oh, God!"
6503,21,1,21,Barney: It got me as well.
6504,21,1,21,"Marshall: Well, then why did you have me drink it?!"
6505,21,1,21,Barney: Because now... you're in.
6506,21,1,21,Marshall: Okay. Don't think I'm overlooking the obvious fact that I should just be mad at you. But Executive Mischief Consultant Marshall Eriksen reporting for duty. Let's make that b*st*rd pay. You think that we should brush our teeth first?
6507,21,1,21,"Barney: Yeah, it's probably a good idea."
6508,21,1,21,In a bar
6509,21,1,21,"Ted from 2030: So that night I had a blind date with my perfect match. I was so excited, I got there early. But before it even started..."
6510,21,1,21,"(Ted's phone starts ringing, he picks up)"
6511,21,1,21,Ted: Lily?
6512,21,1,21,"Lily: Hey, Ted, are you busy?"
6513,21,1,21,Ted: Um... yes.
6514,21,1,21,"Lily: Oh, right. Soul mate. Forgot. Listen, could you take a cab out to Duchess County and change a flat on Marshall's Fiero?"
6515,21,1,21,Ted: What? What? No. Can't you just call Marshall?
6516,21,1,21,"Lily: Marshall can't know about this. Look, Ted, it's dark, I don't know how to change a tire, and I've stumbled into the beginning of a very scary campfire story. Can you please hurry?"
6517,21,1,21,"Ted: I can't, I'm waiting..."
6518,21,1,21,"Lily: Oh, my God, is that a drifter with a hook for a hand? No, drifter, no!"
6519,21,1,21,"Ted: Come on, Lily."
6520,21,1,21,Lily: But you see my point.
6521,21,1,21,"Ted: All right, stay there. I'm on my way."
6522,21,1,21,At Duchess County
6523,21,1,21,"Ted from 2030: And so, one $90 cab ride later, I was in the middle of nowhere."
6524,21,1,21,"Lily: Oh, thank God. I'm so sorry about this. Did you get ahold of your date?"
6525,21,1,21,Ted: Yes.
6526,21,1,21,Lily: And was she okay about pushing it back?
6527,21,1,21,Ted: Yes. Because she's perfect. So what am I doing here?
6528,21,1,21,Lily: You can never tell Marshall.
6529,21,1,21,Ted: I won't.
6530,21,1,21,Lily: Ever. Swear. Swear on the lives of your unborn boy and girl.
6531,21,1,21,Ted: I swear on Luke and Leia.
6532,21,1,21,"Lily: About a month ago, I started getting insomnia. Marrying Marshall had been all I wanted for a long time. But, now that it was really happening, it seemed kind of huge and scary."
6533,21,1,21,Ted: Did you talk to Marshall about it?
6534,21,1,21,"Lily: He wouldn't have understood. He's not exactly nervous about tying the knot. So I spent my nights reading, painting, setting the high score on Super Bomber Man..."
6535,21,1,21,Ted: That was you? Awesome!
6536,21,1,21,"Lily: I know! I just got in the zone and... Not the point of the story. And then I started thinking about Victoria and how she followed her dream to Germany, and I found that art fellowship."
6537,21,1,21,Ted: Let me guess. It's somewhere far away.
6538,21,1,21,"Lily: San Francisco. But it's not like I'm going to do it. The dates conflict with the wedding. But I love painting, and I've always wondered if I'm any good. This was a way to find out. And the interview is tonight. In New Haven."
6539,21,1,21,Ted: You don't want to get married.
6540,21,1,21,Lily: Of course I want to get married. I... It's not like I was ever going to do it. I just... I just really wanted to see if I could get this.
6541,21,1,21,"Ted: Lily, we live in the center of art and culture in America. I'm sure you could find a program here that's just as selective. But you chose one in a city 3,000 miles away, and you didn't tell Marshall. I think it's pretty clear what that means."
6542,21,1,21,"Lily: Okay, I was... I was having second thoughts. But I'm not any more. I... I mean, this flat tire was a sign. I'm not supposed to do this. I'm supposed to go home and-and be with Marshall. You must think I'm so stupid."
6543,21,1,21,Ted: I don't think you're stupid.
6544,21,1,21,Lily: I love Marshall.
6545,21,1,21,Ted: I know you do. Come here. It's okay. Look... Marriage is big. You're allowed to freak out.
6546,21,1,21,Lily: But why am I the only one? How come Marshall isn't doing anything crazy?
6547,21,1,21,
6548,21,1,21,Barney's office
6549,21,1,21,Marshall: So all we need is one large shipping box and 100 white mice.
6550,21,1,21,At Duchess County
6551,21,1,21,Ted: All done.
6552,21,1,21,"Lily: Ted, let's go to New Haven."
6553,21,1,21,"Ted: Lily, don't do this to yourself."
6554,21,1,21,"Lily: I just need to know if I can get in. If I do this interview, and get into the program, then I'll know, and I can forget all about it, and get married. Come on! It's an adventure."
6555,21,1,21,"Ted: No, it's not an adventure. It's a mistake."
6556,21,1,21,"Lily: Okay, yes, it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake. But there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back, and say, ""Yep. That was a mistake."" So, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. And, damn it, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this-- my life, my relationship, my career-- mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?"
6557,21,1,21,"Ted: I don't know. You said ""mistake"" a lot. Lily, don't do this."
6558,21,1,21,"Lily: Ted, I'm getting married in two months, and I'm freaking out, and you're my best friend, and you just have to forgive me for this."
6559,21,1,21,"Ted: Forgive you for what? (Lily leaves with he car) Lily. Lily! Hey, Lily, this is Ted, the guy you left stranded by the side of the road. I just wanted to say good luck with the interview, remember to pick up some milk... Oh, and, when I get home, I'm going to kill you. And, also, I texted you the same thing. (He calls Barney) Hey, I need a big favor."
6560,21,1,21,"Barney: Anything, bro."
6561,21,1,21,Ted: I need you to come up to Duchess County and pick me up.
6562,21,1,21,Barney: No.
6563,21,1,21,Ted: It's kind of an emergency.
6564,21,1,21,Barney: What are you doing in Duchess County?
6565,21,1,21,Ted: Apple picking. Can you just get up here?
6566,21,1,21,"Barney: I wish I could help, buddy, but I'm stuck here at work. We're kind of swamped."
6567,21,1,21,Marshall: Is that Ted?
6568,21,1,21,Barney: Yeah. He's stuck in Duchess County.
6569,21,1,21,Marshall: Don't you have a big date tonight?
6570,21,1,21,"Ted: Uh... Marshall. Hi. Yes. Yes, I do."
6571,21,1,21,Marshall: So what are you doing in Duchess County?
6572,21,1,21,Ted: Can't a brother go apple picking without getting the third degree? Damn!
6573,21,1,21,"Marshall: Okay, well, hang on. I'm coming to get you."
6574,21,1,21,Ted: No!
6575,21,1,21,"Marshall: Relax, man. I'll take the Fiero."
6576,21,1,21,"Ted: No, no, no. Just... forget it. Ha, ha! A little prank. I'm not in Duchess County."
6577,21,1,21,Marshall: So that's the prank? That you're not in Duchess County?
6578,21,1,21,Ted: Yep. Gotcha! Classic! Gotta go.
6579,21,1,21,Barney's office
6580,21,1,21,"Barney: Hey, check out this one. It actually looks like Butterfield."
6581,21,1,21,"Marshall: You know, over at the NRDC, it's a bunch of really committed people who take their job of saving the earth very, very seriously. Which is great, and everything, but I can't imagine having this much fun over there."
6582,21,1,21,Barney: You thinking about coming to work here full-time?
6583,21,1,21,"Marshall: Maybe. Don't tell Lily, okay?"
6584,21,1,21,Tracy: Taking off for the night.
6585,21,1,21,"Barney: Thanks, Tracy."
6586,21,1,21,Tracy: Are you guys planning on punching some holes in that box?
6587,21,1,21,Barney: Of course we are. Were you going to think of that?
6588,21,1,21,Marshall: No.
6589,21,1,21,Barney: That would have been bad.
6590,21,1,21,Marshall: Horrible.
6591,21,1,21,At Duchess County
6592,21,1,21,"Ted from 2030: Luckily, there was still one person I could call to get a ride home."
6593,21,1,21,"Robin: Need a ride, cowboy?"
6594,21,1,21,Ted: Sorry. I don't get in vans with strangers.
6595,21,1,21,"Robin: Hmm, too bad. I got candy."
6596,21,1,21,Ted: Candy?!
6597,21,1,21,Robin: So you're not going to tell me what you were doing by the side of a highway in Duchess County?
6598,21,1,21,Ted: Nope. Sworn to secrecy.
6599,21,1,21,"Robin: Oh, come on."
6600,21,1,21,Ted: I like your hat.
6601,21,1,21,Robin: Right. This is embarrassing. I got highlights.
6602,21,1,21,"Ted: Oh, for the waiting room of your dental practice? Highlights is a children's magazine."
6603,21,1,21,"Robin: Yeah, I got it. I thought it might look cool. Of course my colorist took ""highlights"" to mean, ""I want to look like a tiger,"" hence the hat."
6604,21,1,21,Ted: Oh. I gotta see this.
6605,21,1,21,Robin: No way.
6606,21,1,21,Ted: Please. I bet it doesn't look that bad. I bet it looks grr-eat!
6607,21,1,21,"Robin: So, she says, changing the subject. Big date tonight. How does she rate on the Mosby checklist?"
6608,21,1,21,"Ted: Kind of amazingly. Uh, she's 28, like me."
6609,21,1,21,"Robin: Wow, I'm 28. Hmm."
6610,21,1,21,"Ted: Uh, college educated-- check. Plays tennis-- check. Uh, favorite book is Love in the Time of Cholera-- check."
6611,21,1,21,"Robin: I read that. More like ""Love in the Time of Don't Bothera."""
6612,21,1,21,"Ted: You know, it's very rude to wear a hat indoors. I'm just saying."
6613,21,1,21,Robin: We're not indoors. We're in a van.
6614,21,1,21,Ted: Vans have doors-- let me see your hair.
6615,21,1,21,Robin: Never. What else?
6616,21,1,21,Ted: She loves lasagna.
6617,21,1,21,Robin: Barf.
6618,21,1,21,"Ted: You know, I am sensing a pattern here."
6619,21,1,21,Robin: What else?
6620,21,1,21,"Ted: Let's see what else... Oh, she doesn't look like a tiger-- check."
6621,21,1,21,Robin: And she's looking to get married and have kids?
6622,21,1,21,Ted: Check and check. She wants two kids... a boy and a girl.
6623,21,1,21,"Robin: Wow. You know, I've been thinking about this. I think I want to have zero kids."
6624,21,1,21,Ted: Really? You don't want kids?
6625,21,1,21,"Robin: You know, Ted, not everyone is as much of a woman as you. Hey. I'm driving. Look at that. 8:56. You're early."
6626,21,1,21,"Ted: Hey, thanks for picking me up."
6627,21,1,21,Robin: Good luck on your date. I hope she's everything you're looking for.
6628,21,1,21,Ted: Thanks.
6629,21,1,21,"Robin: All right, you've clearly had a rough night. I want you to go in there with a smile on your face, so, uh, here's what I'm going to do."
6630,21,1,21,Ted: You're going to show me your hair?
6631,21,1,21,"Robin: Actually, I was going to show you my breasts, but... sure, we can do hair."
6632,21,1,21,Ted: You just made my night.
6633,21,1,21,Robin: Go.
6634,21,1,21,"(Ted gets out of the van et watch Robin leaving. He sees himself at his wedding, except Robin is not the bride)"
6635,21,1,21,At the appartment
6636,21,1,21,"Marshall: Tomorrow morning, Barney's going to send out the package, and Butterfield's going to be knee-deep in angry white mice. Oh, hey, dude."
6637,21,1,21,"Ted: Hey, guys."
6638,21,1,21,Lily: Hi.
6639,21,1,21,"Ted: Hey. So, Lil, did you, uh, get the milk?"
6640,21,1,21,"Lily: Yeah. Yeah, I-I got it."
6641,21,1,21,Ted: You think you might want to... drink the milk?
6642,21,1,21,"Lily: No. Nope, I'm good. I don't need any milk."
6643,21,1,21,"Marshall: Look, guys, I know milk is important-- it's got vitamin A, vitamin D, it's a great way to start the morning-- but Ted just had a huge date. How'd it go, dude?"
6644,21,1,21,Ted: I didn't go.
6645,21,1,21,Marshall: What? Why?
6646,21,1,21,Ted: I changed my mind. I don't want to meet her.
6647,21,1,21,Marshall: Why? She sounds perfect.
6648,21,1,21,Ted: I don't want perfect. I want Robin.
6649,21,1,21,"Marshall: Oh, God, not this again. Ted, it's a mistake."
6650,21,1,21,Ted: Maybe. But it's a mistake I have to make.
6651,21,1,21,Marshall: Wrong. It's a mistake you don't have to make. Look at the evidence. You and Robin have tried this again and again...
6652,21,1,21,"Ted from 2030: Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway."
6653,21,1,21,[FLASHBACKS]
6654,21,1,21,"Lily: Ah, sweet damn, that's a hot plate."
6655,21,1,21,"Ted: Hey, is this milk any good?"
6656,21,1,21,[END OF FLASHBACKS]
6657,21,1,21,Ted from 2030: Even really really dumb mistakes.
6658,22,1,22,Ted from 2030: It was May of 2006 in New York City and life was good. But everything was about to change.
6659,22,1,22,At the Bar
6660,22,1,22,Ted: So... what do you think?
6661,22,1,22,"Barney: Robin again? Ted, the universe clearly does not want you and Robin to be together. Don't piss off the universe. The universe will slap you."
6662,22,1,22,Ted: But don't you think the universe has more important things to worry about than my dating life?
6663,22,1,22,Marshall: Unless your dating life is the glue holding the entire universe together... Whoa. Chills. Anybody else get chills?
6664,22,1,22,"Ted: Look, I realize we've been down this road before, but the fact is, whatever I do, it all keeps coming back to Robin, so... I gotta do this. (Barney slaps him) Ow! What the hell?"
6665,22,1,22,Barney: That wasn't me. That was the universe.
6666,22,1,22,"Ted from 2030: The funny thing was, at that very moment, the universe was working on something... a storm."
6667,22,1,22,At Metro News One
6668,22,1,22,"Weather man: And so tropical storm Willy is going to be with us at least until Monday. It's gonna rain cats and dogs, folks. So don't step in a poodle. Sandy? Robin?"
6669,22,1,22,"Robin: Thanks, Lou. Boy, too bad. Our big Metro News One camping trip was going to be this weekend."
6670,22,1,22,"Sandy: Yeah, but camping out in the rain? No fun. Muddy. Yuck."
6671,22,1,22,Robin: Guess we'll have to take a rain check.
6672,22,1,22,"Sandy: And we'll check in with you tomorrow, New York."
6673,22,1,22,Robin: Have a great night.
6674,22,1,22,"Man: And, we're clear."
6675,22,1,22,"Sandy: Bummer. I was hoping to finally have s*x with you this weekend, Scherbotsky."
6676,22,1,22,"Robin: Well, I'd give you the ""I don't date coworkers"" speech again, but, God, you must have that sum'bitch memorized by now."
6677,22,1,22,"Sandy: Shame, though. It was a pretty hot show tonight. The rhythmic give and take of our improvised banter there at the end really got my freak juice flowing."
6678,22,1,22,At the Bar
6679,22,1,22,"Marshall: Dude, he's right. How many times do you have to watch this crash and burn before you say, ""enough""?"
6680,22,1,22,"Ted: One more. One more time. One more big, beautiful, stupid romantic gesture. And then, whatever she says, yes or no, that's it. If it's yes, great. If it's no, then I am done going after Robin forever."
6681,22,1,22,"Lily: So what's this big, beautiful romantic gesture?"
6682,22,1,22,"Ted: I am going to make her... a mix CD. No, I'm kidding. I got a plan. Lily, I'm going to need the spare key to Robin's apartment."
6683,22,1,22,"Barney: I see where this is going. Ted, waiting naked in a girl's bed wearing whipped cream undies does not work... usually. The setting-- Martha's Vineyard, 1999. The characters: Yours truly and a raven-haired au pair by the name..."
6684,22,1,22,(Lily slaps him)
6685,22,1,22,"Lily: Universe. So, this plan you speak of?"
6686,22,1,22,Ted: Remember the first night Robin and I went out? I stole a blue French horn for her and it almost worked.
6687,22,1,22,"Marshall: Yeah. Dude, that was awesome, but how are you ever going to top that?"
6688,22,1,22,At Robin's appartment
6689,22,1,22,"(Ted is waiting for Robin, with a small orchestra)"
6690,22,1,22,Ted: She should be here any second.
6691,22,1,22,"Musician: Uh, we're pretty hungry. When do we get our pizza?"
6692,22,1,22,"Ted: Enough with the... we'll go get pizza later, all right? Just..."
6693,22,1,22,"(On the other side of the entry door, Robin is looking for her keyes)"
6694,22,1,22,Robin: Damn it.
6695,22,1,22,(Ted sees the keyes on the coffee table)
6696,22,1,22,Lily: Hello.
6697,22,1,22,"Robin: Hey, Lily, I'm locked out of my apartment. I need to come pick up my extra key."
6698,22,1,22,Lily: Extra key? Do I have an extra key to your apartment?
6699,22,1,22,"Robin: Yes, I gave it to you."
6700,22,1,22,"Lily: Oh, right. That key. Yeah, I lost it."
6701,22,1,22,"Robin: Great, now I gotta go to the locksmith."
6702,22,1,22,"Lily: No, wait, uh... Maybe you should just knock."
6703,22,1,22,"Robin: Knock? Lily, my dogs aren't that well trained."
6704,22,1,22,(Marshall comes in their appartment andlistens to the voice mails)
6705,22,1,22,"Voice mail: Hello, Lily, this is Janet Kagan at the Russell House Art Foundation here in San Francisco. I'm pleased to inform you that we've accepted your application for our summer fellowship. We look forward to hearing from you. Bye-bye."
6706,22,1,22,"Lily: Uh, Robin, I-I gotta go. Just knock, okay?"
6707,22,1,22,Marshall: Summer fellowship?
6708,22,1,22,Robin: Just knock. Okay.
6709,22,1,22,"(Robin knocks, and Ted opens the entry door)"
6710,22,1,22,Ted: Hi.
6711,22,1,22,Robin: Hi.
6712,22,1,22,"Ted: Robin... I've sort of said this already. I mean I've half said it. I've tried to say it, and I've said it badly. So this is me, just saying it. With strings. I'm crazy about you. I think we should be together. What do you say? What do you say?"
6713,22,1,22,Robin: Yes. No. I don't know.
6714,22,1,22,Ted: Those are the three options.
6715,22,1,22,"Robin: Ted, this is so..."
6716,22,1,22,Ted: I know.
6717,22,1,22,"Robin: I mean, I come home, I was going to watch Jeopardy and there's a string quartet and... I have to pee."
6718,22,1,22,"Ted: Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, well, go ahead. We'll, uh, we'll wait."
6719,22,1,22,(Robin goes to the loo)
6720,22,1,22,"Musician: Yeah, 'cause when we talked earlier, you said there'd be pizza."
6721,22,1,22,"Ted: No, I said I'd get you a pizza afterwards. Look, could we talk about this later? I'm sort of professing my love here."
6722,22,1,22,Musician: Sure. We're not getting any pizza.
6723,22,1,22,(Robin comes back)
6724,22,1,22,Robin: Okay. Let's talk.
6725,22,1,22,"Ted: Okay. Oh, hey, you guys want to take five?"
6726,22,1,22,"Robin: Thanks, guys. Just need a minute. Sort of a big life decision. Love the blue instruments, though. Kind of an inside joke. Thanks. (The musicians leave) You're crazy."
6727,22,1,22,Ted: Right. Come on.
6728,22,1,22,"Robin: It's not that I haven't thought about this. You know that I have, but let's look at this, okay? We only just started being friends again."
6729,22,1,22,Ted: I know. But... come on...
6730,22,1,22,"Robin: And we want different things. That's still there. That's not going away. I mean, what if we do this and it doesn't work out and I'd lose you as a friend? I gotta think about this."
6731,22,1,22,"Ted: Okay, fine. Think about it on the plane. Let's go to Paris for the weekend. I'm serious. I'm kidding. I'm serious."
6732,22,1,22,"Robin: I can't go to Paris, I'm going camping."
6733,22,1,22,Ted: I thought that thing was canceled.
6734,22,1,22,"Robin: Well, it's back on."
6735,22,1,22,Ted: Since when?
6736,22,1,22,Robin: Since like an hour ago.
6737,22,1,22,[FLASHBACK]
6738,22,1,22,Weather man:..sending the storm back out into the Atlantic. So it's blue skies this weekend. Sandy? Robin?
6739,22,1,22,"Sandy: Thanks, Lou, but that blue sky isn't without at least one cloud. I'm sorry to announce that one week from today I will be leaving Metro News One. It has been an honor to bring you the news each night, and read the paper to you each morning. I will always treasure it. Good night, New York."
6740,22,1,22,Man: And we're clear.
6741,22,1,22,Robin: You're leaving?
6742,22,1,22,Sandy: There. I quit my job. We're not coworkers. Will you please have dinner with me? I'm joking. I got offered a job at CNN.
6743,22,1,22,"Robin: Oh, congratulations."
6744,22,1,22,Sandy: Congratulations yourself.
6745,22,1,22,Robin: What do you mean?
6746,22,1,22,"Sandy: Well, Joel asked me who I thought should replace me as lead anchor. I told him you. They're announcing it next week. Act surprised."
6747,22,1,22,"Robin: Wow. Thanks. And, yes."
6748,22,1,22,"Sandy: Yes, what?"
6749,22,1,22,"Robin: Yes, let's go get dinner."
6750,22,1,22,Sandy: How about this weekend on the camping trip? I roast a mean weenie.
6751,22,1,22,[END OF FLASHBACK]
6752,22,1,22,"Ted: Oh, you're kidding me. No way. Don't go on this thing."
6753,22,1,22,"Robin: Ted, I have to go. It's a company camping trip."
6754,22,1,22,Ted: Really? Because it also kinda sounds like a date. With Sandy... and his weenie. I mean is this not a date?
6755,22,1,22,Robin: I don't-I don't know.
6756,22,1,22,"Ted: So, what? You actually like this guy now?"
6757,22,1,22,Robin: I don't know.
6758,22,1,22,Ted: Are you gonna hook up with him?
6759,22,1,22,Robin: I don't know.
6760,22,1,22,"Ted: Yes, you do."
6761,22,1,22,"Robin: No, Ted, I don't. And you know what? That's okay. I don't plan out every second of my life like you do."
6762,22,1,22,Ted: I don't plan out every...
6763,22,1,22,"Robin: Oh, really? What is all of this? I mean, why can't you just say, ""Hey, Robin, let's go get some sushi?"" No, it has to be a-a string quartet and-and Paris and flowers and chocolates and let's spend the rest of our lives together."
6764,22,1,22,"Ted: Don't you think we're a little bit past sushi at this point? God, you are so terrified of anything real. It's like you're floating out in space. Touch the ground, Robin. Live in the world, make a mistake. Make this mistake."
6765,22,1,22,Robin: I need to think about this.
6766,22,1,22,Ted: Fine.
6767,22,1,22,"Robin: No, I'm sorry, I... I can't do this anymore. I need an answer."
6768,22,1,22,"Ted: If you want me to say yes right now, I-I can't do that."
6769,22,1,22,"Robin: Well, if it's not yes, then it's a no."
6770,22,1,22,Ted: Then I guess it's not meant to be.
6771,22,1,22,At the Bar
6772,22,1,22,"Barney: Nice try, buddy."
6773,22,1,22,Good hustle out there.
6774,22,1,22,Marshall: Look at the bright side. At least you got some closure. She's made her choice and you can finally move on.
6775,22,1,22,Ted: Screw that. This ain't over.
6776,22,1,22,"Marshall: Ted, you sat here in this very booth and you said..."
6777,22,1,22,"Ted: I don't care what I said. This is gonna happen. She can't say it's not meant to be. It is meant to be, and you know why? 'Cause I mean it to be."
6778,22,1,22,"(Ted goes away, Barney is following him)"
6779,22,1,22,Lily: Unpause?
6780,22,1,22,Marshall: Unpause.
6781,22,1,22,"Ted from 2030: Let's pause. See, Marshall and Lily had a rule that at any point during a fight they could pause and take a break. Their fights often lasted for days."
6782,22,1,22,Marshall: A painting fellowship?
6783,22,1,22,Lily: I was never going to take it.
6784,22,1,22,Marshall: In California?
6785,22,1,22,Lily: I was never going to take it.
6786,22,1,22,"Barney: Ted, she is going on that camping trip. Dude, barring some act of God, Robin's gonna be with Sandy this weekend."
6787,22,1,22,"Ted: Fine. If an act of God is what it takes, then an act of God it is."
6788,22,1,22,Barney: What are you talking about?
6789,22,1,22,Ted: I'm gonna make it rain. I can't let Robin go camping with this guy. So how do I keep that from happening? Simple... I make it rain!
6790,22,1,22,"Barney: Ted, do you want me to slap you again? 'Cause I kind of enjoyed it the first time."
6791,22,1,22,"Ted: Look, I-I might be crazy right now... No, you know what? I am definitely crazy right now, but I have a plan. That girl you used to go out with, Penelope, wasn't she getting her PhD in Native American culture?"
6792,22,1,22,Barney: Yeah.
6793,22,1,22,Ted: Are you still in touch with her?
6794,22,1,22,"Barney: Sure. I mean, even though we stopped having s*x, we still get together, like, once a month to chat and catch up, and of course I'm not in touch with her!"
6795,22,1,22,"Ted: Well, you're gonna need to get in touch with her. She's gonna teach me how to do a rain dance."
6796,22,1,22,"Barney: Did you just say a ""rain dance""?"
6797,22,1,22,Ted: Yes.
6798,22,1,22,Barney: A rain dance.
6799,22,1,22,Ted: Yes.
6800,22,1,22,Barney: A dance to make it rain.
6801,22,1,22,Ted: Yes. (Barney slaps him once again and Ted slaps him back. Barney tries again to slaps Ted but he stops him) We're finding Penelope!
6802,22,1,22,"Barney: No, we are not!"
6803,22,1,22,"Ted: Yes, we are!"
6804,22,1,22,"Barney: Ted, you're forcing me to be the voice of reason, and it's not a good look for me!"
6805,22,1,22,(They both leave the Bar)
6806,22,1,22,
6807,22,1,22,Inside a library
6808,22,1,22,Penelope: Why the hell should I help you?
6809,22,1,22,"Barney: Come on, I know it didn't work out between us, but we did... have a relationship."
6810,22,1,22,"Penelope: We had s*x twice in your car, and then you dumped me. How is that a relationship?"
6811,22,1,22,Barney: Twice!
6812,22,1,22,"Penelope: Barney, there is no way..."
6813,22,1,22,Barney: Shh!
6814,22,1,22,"Penelope: Seriously, come on."
6815,22,1,22,"Ted: Penelope, I really need to make it rain this weekend."
6816,22,1,22,Penelope: Why?
6817,22,1,22,Ted: There's this girl...
6818,22,1,22,"Penelope: ""There's this girl."" You know, the traditional rain dance is a sacred prayer to nature. I don't think the Great Spirit looks too kindly on white dudes who co-opt it to get laid."
6819,22,1,22,"Ted: Penelope, this is the girl I love. If it doesn't rain this weekend, she's gonna end up with the wrong guy. Please."
6820,22,1,22,"Penelope: This wrong guy, is he a huge jackass?"
6821,22,1,22,Ted: Absolutely.
6822,22,1,22,Penelope: Kind of like Barney?
6823,22,1,22,Ted: Kind of.
6824,22,1,22,Barney: Hey.
6825,22,1,22,Penelope: You hit on my mom!
6826,22,1,22,Barney: We weren't exclusive!
6827,22,1,22,Penelope: I'm in.
6828,22,1,22,Ted from 2030: And so the three of us headed up to the roof of my building.
6829,22,1,22,On top of the roof of Ted's building
6830,22,1,22,(Barney is drinking a beer while Penelope is teaching Ted how to dance a rain dance)
6831,22,1,22,Penelope: Okay. Crouch down and bend over a little bit.
6832,22,1,22,"Barney: Wow, it took five shots of tequila to get you in that position."
6833,22,1,22,Penelope: I will throw you off this roof.
6834,22,1,22,Barney: There's so much of your mom in you.
6835,22,1,22,Robin is at the veterinary with her dog
6836,22,1,22,Robin: And she's been throwing up ever since.
6837,22,1,22,Veterinary: So how'd she manage to eat so much chocolate?
6838,22,1,22,"Robin: Remember that guy, Ted, that I was telling you about? Well, I came home and I found him waiting in my apartment with a string quartet and roses and chocolates..."
6839,22,1,22,"Veterinary: Oh, that's so sweet."
6840,22,1,22,"Robin: Okay, yes, it's sweet in theory, but isn't it also kind of crazy? I mean, a string quartet in my living room... who does that?"
6841,22,1,22,Veterinary: Nobody does that.
6842,22,1,22,Robin: Exactly.
6843,22,1,22,"Veterinary: No, honey... nobody does that. But I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic. I'm gonna put my hand up your dog now."
6844,22,1,22,At the appartment
6845,22,1,22,(Marshall and Lily are fighting)
6846,22,1,22,Lily: So you're saying you would forbid me from going?
6847,22,1,22,"Marshall: Forbid? Who said forbid? I was just reminding you that there's this wedding coming up in a couple of months, and I was kind of hoping you'd save the day. Look for me... I'll be the guy in the awesome suit. Come on, Lily. It's what you've always wanted."
6848,22,1,22,"Lily: Yeah, but there's a lot of things I've always wanted, and I haven't done any of them. I'm sorry. I just need to do this before settling down forever."
6849,22,1,22,"Marshall: So now we've gone from ""I was never gonna do it"" to ""I need to do this""? Did I leave the room at some point? When did that happen?"
6850,22,1,22,"Lily: Oh, maybe when you said you wouldn't let me do it."
6851,22,1,22,"Marshall: I never said that! You know, if you're having these kind of doubts now, what's gonna change in three months? Maybe we just shouldn't get married at all."
6852,22,1,22,Lily: Maybe not.
6853,22,1,22,Marshall: Pause.
6854,22,1,22,"Lily: So, are you just, like, starving?"
6855,22,1,22,Marshall: Totally. Red Lobster?
6856,22,1,22,"Lily: Oh, lobster, lobster, lobster, you are delicious!"
6857,22,1,22,"Marshall: Oh, God, I love butter sauce! There's nothing bad about it. Say something bad about butter sauce, I dare you."
6858,22,1,22,"Lily: I wouldn't dare. (Marshall starts crying) Marshall, no. We're on pause. There's no crying in Pauseland! Pauseland is a magical place, with... with popcorn shrimp mountains and butter sauce rivers! Damn it!"
6859,22,1,22,"Waiters: Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday, happy, happy, happy, happy, appy, happy birthday, happy, happy..."
6860,22,1,22,On top of the rooftop of Ted's building
6861,22,1,22,(Ted is dancing)
6862,22,1,22,"Barney: Ted, this is funny. Still funny. Still fu... And now it's sad."
6863,22,1,22,"Ted: Hey, Penelope, you sure I'm doing this right?"
6864,22,1,22,Penelope: I think so.
6865,22,1,22,"Ted: Does it, uh, look anything like a real rain dance?"
6866,22,1,22,Penelope: I think so.
6867,22,1,22,"Ted: Hey, Penelope, have you, uh, have you ever actually seen a rain dance performed?"
6868,22,1,22,Penelope: No.
6869,22,1,22,Ted: No?
6870,22,1,22,"Penelope: I've read extensively on the subject: firsthand accounts, theoretical criticism, the anthropological..."
6871,22,1,22,Ted: Have you ever seen a rain dance?
6872,22,1,22,Penelope: I've seen a film strip.
6873,22,1,22,"Ted: Terrific. Uh, look, I should run. I'm getting brain surgery from some guy who's seen a couple episodes of E.R. I can't believe this. We've been up here for the past hour making complete asses of ourselves."
6874,22,1,22,"Penelope: What do you mean ""we,"" white man?"
6875,22,1,22,At the appartment
6876,22,1,22,"Marshall: How did we get here? Couple of days ago, the biggest problem in my life was, did Ted eat the last pudding snack pack in the fridge."
6877,22,1,22,Lily: I think there's still one left.
6878,22,1,22,Marshall: Dibs.
6879,22,1,22,Lily: Unpause?
6880,22,1,22,Marshall: Unpause.
6881,22,1,22,Lily: Look... I know this sucks. It's just something I'm going through. I'm not asking you to understand it. I'm not asking you to be happy about it. I'm just asking you to support it.
6882,22,1,22,"Marshall: I want to, Lily, okay? I really do. But I just can't."
6883,22,1,22,Lily: Why not?
6884,22,1,22,"Marshall: Because you're scaring the hell out of me, that's why not. What if you decide to go be a painter and then you realize I don't fit in to your life anymore, and three months becomes forever? Can you promise me that that's not gonna happen?"
6885,22,1,22,Lily: Marshall...
6886,22,1,22,"Marshall: 'Cause if you can't promise me that, we shoul just break up right now. I'm not gonna wait around for three months just to have my heart ripped out."
6887,22,1,22,"Lily: Marshall, I love you."
6888,22,1,22,Marshall: Can you promise me that that's not gonna happen?
6889,22,1,22,Lily: Pause.
6890,22,1,22,"Marshall: No, Lily, we cannot pause this anymore. Can you promise me that that's not gonna happen?!"
6891,22,1,22,Lily: Pause!
6892,22,1,22,"Marshall: Why do you want me to pause?! (She throws herself on him et kisses him) That's just a great use of the pause function, baby."
6893,22,1,22,Lily: Thank you.
6894,22,1,22,On top of the rooftop of Ted's building
6895,22,1,22,"Barney: Hey, Ted. Whatcha doing?"
6896,22,1,22,Ted: A rain dance.
6897,22,1,22,"Barney: Dude, that's not a rain dance, that's a fat kid with a bee in his pants."
6898,22,1,22,"Ted: Look, I highly doubt the Great Spirit is a stickler for choreography. It's the thought that counts. She's leaving in half an hour."
6899,22,1,22,Barney: These are your awesome years. You're wasting them on this girl. This isn't gonna work!
6900,22,1,22,Ted: Yeah. I know that.
6901,22,1,22,"Barney: Well, then why are you doing this?"
6902,22,1,22,"Ted: Because I love her. I love her! I told her that the first night we went out, and here it is, eight months later, and nothing's changed. So yes, I know this isn't gonna work. But it has to work! You hear me, universe? This is Ted Mosby talking! Give me some rain! Come on! Come on! Come on...!"
6903,22,1,22,(Rain starts falling down)
6904,22,1,22,"Barney: Oh, come on!"
6905,22,1,22,In the street
6906,22,1,22,Weather man: Pushing the front back into the Tri-State area and giving Manhattan one of its worst storms in over a decade.
6907,22,1,22,At the Bar
6908,22,1,22,Barney: How about that? He did it.
6909,22,1,22,(Barney and Penelope kiss)
6910,22,1,22,In front of Robin's building
6911,22,1,22,(Ted goes out of a taxi et calls Robin while the rain is still falling down)
6912,22,1,22,"Ted: Robin! Hey, Robin! (Robin opens up her window) Oh, thank God you're here!"
6913,22,1,22,Robin: My camping trip got rained out.
6914,22,1,22,Ted: I know. I'm sorry.
6915,22,1,22,Robin: It's not your fault.
6916,22,1,22,"Ted: Yeah, it is. Come down here."
6917,22,1,22,Robin: It's pouring. You come up.
6918,22,1,22,"Ted: No, you have to come down here."
6919,22,1,22,Robin: Why?
6920,22,1,22,"Ted: Why? Because I made it rain, that's what I did today! And that's enough. I-I've done my part. Now, get down here!"
6921,22,1,22,"Robin: I'm not dressed, Ted. No. Come up."
6922,22,1,22,"Ted: I'm not coming up there, Robin, I'm not. You have to come down here!"
6923,22,1,22,"(She closes her window, opens her entry door et finds Ted there)"
6924,22,1,22,Robin: I was gonna...
6925,22,1,22,Ted: I know.
6926,22,1,22,(They kiss)
6927,22,1,22,"Ted from 2030: And that's how Robin and I ended up together. Turns out, all I had to do was make it rain. As I rode home the next morning, the city looked the same, the people looked the same. It all looked the same. But it wasn't. In just one night, everything had changed."
6928,22,1,22,"(Ted arrives in front of his building and finds Marshall sitting down the stairs, with Lily's engagement ring in his hand)"
6929,23,2,1,Year 2030
6930,23,2,1,"Ted: OK, where was I? It was June 2006 and life had just taken an unexpected turn."
6931,23,2,1,Ted's daughter:Can't you just skip ahead to the part where you meet Mom? I feel you've been talking for like a year
6932,23,2,1,"Ted: Honey, all this stuff I'm telling you is important. It's all part of the story."
6933,23,2,1,Ted's son: Can I go to the bathroom?
6934,23,2,1,"Ted: No. The summer of 2006 was both wonderful and awful. For me, it started out great. (In 2006, Ted and Robin are kissing after the rain dance) In fact, day one was amazing. I'd finally gotten together with Robin. But while I'd been off having one of the best nights of my life, your Uncle Marshall had been having one of the worst nights of his (Ted finds Marshall on their stairs, holding in his hand Lily's engagement ring)."
6935,23,2,1,"Year 2006 (Before Ted arrives, Marshall and Lily are in the apartment, arguing)"
6936,23,2,1,Marshall: So that's it? We're breaking up?
6937,23,2,1,"Lily: Marshall, I'm sorry. I just... I just need to go to San Francisco and do this art program and figure out who I am outside of us. And the only way that I can do that is if we don't talk for a while."
6938,23,2,1,"Marshall: For a while? Try never, OK? You walk out that door and we're done. You're never gonna hear my voice again."
6939,23,2,1,"Later, Ted joined Marshall."
6940,23,2,1,Marshall: I should call her.
6941,23,2,1,"Ted: No! No! If you call her, when she asked you not to, you're just gonna look weak and you're gonna regret it. Now, listen. Whenever you feel like calling her, you come find me first... and I will punch you in the face."
6942,23,2,1,Marshall: You're a good friend Ted.
6943,23,2,1,(Robin arrives.)
6944,23,2,1,"Robin: Hey! So, did you hear the big news?"
6945,23,2,1,"Ted: You mean how Lily and Marshall broke up and Lily is gone and nothing else even remotely important happened last night? Yeah, I think he knows."
6946,23,2,1,Robin: Oh my god! I... I'm so sorry. What happened?
6947,23,2,1,"Marshall: Well, she left. And I don't even know if she's coming back."
6948,23,2,1,(Barney arrives.)
6949,23,2,1,"Barney: I didn't get your message until I woke up. Bro, I am so sorry."
6950,23,2,1,Marshall: Thanks.
6951,23,2,1,Barney: I know it must be tough. But are you ready to hear something that will not only make you feel better but will actively excite you?
6952,23,2,1,Marshall: Sure.
6953,23,2,1,"Barney: For the first time ever, the three of us are single at the same time. I've dreamed about this day boys and it's going to be legendary! Together, we will own this city. Any time, a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriend, we'll be there. Any time a girl wants to solve her father issues through promiscuity and binge-drinking, we will be there. Any time a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo sticking their heads out, shouting ""What's up New York?"" we will be what is up New York! Gentlemen, we are about to embark on... (While he's speaking, Barney looks at Ted and then at Robin). Oh man, you guys did it, didn't you?!"
6954,23,2,1,CREDIT TITLES
6955,23,2,1,"Ted from 2030: One thing I learned that summer is that when love is beginning (Ted and Robin are making out) and love is ending (Lily is leaving the apartment, leaving Marshall alone) the first thirty days are remarkably similar. (DAY ONE, Ted and Robin are in bed after they had s*x) For one thing, you spend most of the time in bed (Marshall is in his bed groaning // DAY EIGHT, Ted and Robin are at MacLaren's with Barney, kissing and laughing. Barney seems to kill himself, miming a gun in his mouth) Your friends can't stand to listen to you (DAY SIXTEEN, Barney is with Marshall who is crying and says ""It was a really beautiful song"". Barney mimes a rope around his neck). And you never seems to wear pants. (DAY TWENTY-TWO, at the apartment, Robin is going to the bathroom only wearing a T-shirt while Marshall is wallowing on the couch in underpants. Ted, in underpants too, comes out of his room)."
6956,23,2,1,Ted: Hey Marshall.
6957,23,2,1,Marshall: Hey Ted.
6958,23,2,1,Ted: Are you hungry?
6959,23,2,1,"Marshall: What's the point? I could it some food, it's just gonna leave me."
6960,23,2,1,"Ted: At least in that scenario, you get to do the dumping. Come on, it's Sunday, it's pancakes day!"
6961,23,2,1,"Marshall: Lily always made the pancakes. God, I loved her pancakes. So soft. So warmed. So perfectly shaped."
6962,23,2,1,"Ted: Are we still talking about her pancakes? Come on, you gotta eat something. What can I get you?"
6963,23,2,1,Marshall: Beer.
6964,23,2,1,"Ted: No, that's what you had for dinner."
6965,23,2,1,Marshall: Fine. Than I'll just have the leftover
6966,23,2,1,(He pulls a beer out of the couch)
6967,23,2,1,"DAY THIRTY-ONE, Ted, Robin and Barney are at MacLaren's."
6968,23,2,1,"Barney: So he stays home all the time not getting laid? No, see, that's what you do when you have a fiancée. He should be down here celebrating. He's free. He got that red-head-tumor removed."
6969,23,2,1,Ted: You should write and illustrate children's books.
6970,23,2,1,"Barney: You know what Marshall needs to do? He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story."
6971,23,2,1,"Ted: It's only been a month. He just needs to goat his own pace. Anyway, lily is the one who caused this whole mess."
6972,23,2,1,"Robin: Hey, cut her some slack! She's our friend too. She's just trying to figure out who she is."
6973,23,2,1,"Ted: Figure out who she is? She should call me. I got a whole list. She's selfish, she's immature, she's..."
6974,23,2,1,Robin: What?
6975,23,2,1,"Ted: God, your eyes are so blue."
6976,23,2,1,"Robin: Teddy bear... (They kiss, Barney mimes his death with a sword. Ted and Robin look at him and keep kissing)"
6977,23,2,1,"Ted from 2030: Yeah it was hard to feel too bad. I was dating the woman of my dreams and things were going great. Well, for the most part. (Ted and Robin are watching TV, Marshall comes out of the bathroom, a bottle of shampoo in his hand)."
6978,23,2,1,"Marshall: So, I find her shampoo. I guess she left it here. It smells like her. Like lavender and seashells. Hope. Somehow erotic and comforting all at the same time."
6979,23,2,1,Robin: That's my shampoo.
6980,23,2,1,Marshall: Oh. Sorry.
6981,23,2,1,"Ted and Robin are in Ted's bedroom, making out."
6982,23,2,1,Robin: I thought he's never go to sleep.
6983,23,2,1,Ted: Uh-oh.
6984,23,2,1,Robin: Already?
6985,23,2,1,Ted: He's calling her. Dammit!
6986,23,2,1,Robin: I don't hear anyth...Ted (going out of the bedroom): He's calling her! (Tackling Marshall) Argh!
6987,23,2,1,"Marshall: Oh! OK, you're right. I won't call her. I will not call her."
6988,23,2,1,"Marshall comes in the bathroom, Ted and Robin are taking a shower together."
6989,23,2,1,"Marshall: Well, I called her. And get this, she changed her number. Well like I'm gonna stalk her or something? Like she's so special?! Like she's the only Lily Aldrin out there? 'Cause there are four others in the San Francisco area alone, and they all seem a lot better than her, based on the brief conversations I had with them!"
6990,23,2,1,Robin (to Ted): Does he know I'm in here?
6991,23,2,1,"Marshall: Yeah. Hey Robin. Anyway, one of the Lily Adrins..."
6992,23,2,1,At MacLaren's.
6993,23,2,1,"Robin: This has to stop! Ted, we just started dating. We agreed we don't wanna move too fast and yet somehow we have a baby. He can't feed himself, he cries a lot, he keeps us up all night..."
6994,23,2,1,Barney: Have you tried breast-feeding? Nailed it!
6995,23,2,1,Ted: They were together nine years. It's only been a month and a half. He just needs to go his own pace.
6996,23,2,1,Robin: He slept on our floor last night Ted.
6997,23,2,1,Ted: He watched a scary movie.
6998,23,2,1,Robin: It is time for some tough love. We need to get him out of that apartment. He needs fresh air. He needs sunshine.
6999,23,2,1,Barney: Mmm. Sunshine.
7000,23,2,1,"DAY FORTY-ONE, in a strip club."
7001,23,2,1,"Man: Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Sunshine!"
7002,23,2,1,"Marshall: Barney, I really don't think this is gonna help."
7003,23,2,1,"Barney: Do you know why you're not over Lily yet? It's 'cause you can still picture her naked. You can't get over a woman until you can no longer picture her boobs. It's a scientific fact. The average male brain can only store a finite number of boob images, or BPEGs and your hard drive's filled to capacity with Lily's."
7004,23,2,1,Marshall: There are a lot of them.
7005,23,2,1,"Barney: They won't go away until you overwrite them with images of other women's boobs. Now, this journey may take as many as a million boobs so we begin here tonight my friend. Two at the time. Those count as four."
7006,23,2,1,"DAY FORTY-FOUR, at a base-ball game."
7007,23,2,1,"Ted: Yeah, this is fun, right? We're outside, it's a beautiful day. The Indians are winning!"
7008,23,2,1,"Marshall: I gotta admit, it is really nice to be outside."
7009,23,2,1,"Man: Yankee's fans, please turn your attention to the Diamond Vision for a special seventh-inning-stretch surprise."
7010,23,2,1,"Ted: Oh, no. (A man is proposing to his girlfriend. Marshall stands up and throws a hotdog at the engaged couple.)"
7011,23,2,1,"Marshall: It's all a big lie! She's just gonna break your heart! (Men drag Marshall out of the stadium) You can drag me outta here, but she has no soul!"
7012,23,2,1,"DAY FORTY-SIX, at MacLaren's."
7013,23,2,1,"Ted: We've tried everything. Baseball, strippers. The guy still won't eat a damn pancake. I think he's beyond repair."
7014,23,2,1,"Robin: See, this is the problem with guys, you don't know how to deal with heartbreak."
7015,23,2,1,"Barney: So what's your prescription, Dr Oestrogen? Eat Häagen-Dazs and Watch Love actually until your periods sync up? (Ted and Barney laugh)"
7016,23,2,1,"At a shooting-range, Robin is shooting."
7017,23,2,1,"Robin: Yeah, that's the stuff."
7018,23,2,1,Marshall: Oh my God! How long have you been doing this?
7019,23,2,1,"Robin: My Dad taught me to shoot when I was a kid. Now, whenever I'm feeling lonely or depressed, I come here and it reminds me that... guns are fun!"
7020,23,2,1,"Marshall: Um, you know, Ted is kinda against guns.Robin (turning to Marshall, her gun still in her hand): That's why Ted never gonna find out about this. Whoa! That sort of got scary with me holding a gun, didn't it? No, I just mean, please don't tell Ted. You wanna try?"
7021,23,2,1,"Marshall: Only hell, yes. Oh yeah, yeah. This is what I needed. I felt so powerless this whole time but this... This is power, this is... (He shoots and falls down)"
7022,23,2,1,Robin: I should have mention the recoil.
7023,23,2,1,At MacLaren's.
7024,23,2,1,"Ted: I'll hand it to you. When he got home, Marshall was smiling. Did you sleep with him? 'Cause I was actually like three days away from suggesting that."
7025,23,2,1,"Robin: Sometimes, all you need is to get in touch with your feminine side. (We see Marshall shooting and laughing maniacally )"
7026,23,2,1,"Ted: Well, congratulations. You're the first person to cheer him up all summer. You win."
7027,23,2,1,Robin: Oh! What do I win?
7028,23,2,1,Ted: I'll tell what you win. I'm taking you away this weekend.
7029,23,2,1,Robin: You are? That's so nice!
7030,23,2,1,"Ted: My aunt and uncle have a beach house at Montauk. It's really romantic. My uncle had, like, three affairs there."
7031,23,2,1,"Robin: Wow, it must be a nice house. I saw pictures of your uncle. This is so great. We'll finally get some time alone. Are you sure Marshall is gonna be OK with this?"
7032,23,2,1,"DAY FIFTY-FIVE, at the apartment."
7033,23,2,1,"Marshall: Yeah sure. Absolutely. Dude, I'm doing much better. In fact, take my car."
7034,23,2,1,"Ted: Really? Hey, thanks. And hey, if you need anything, day or night, just call me. You know what? Please don't call me. What? What's wrong?"
7035,23,2,1,Marshall: It's Lily's credit card bill. She must have forgotten to switch her address.
7036,23,2,1,Ted: So?
7037,23,2,1,Marshall: I wonder what kind of charges she's making out there.
7038,23,2,1,"Ted: No, no. No good can come from looking at this. You've made too much progress already."
7039,23,2,1,"Marshall: I know, but I just..."
7040,23,2,1,"DAY FIFTY SIX, at MacLaren's. Marshall is holding Lily's credit card bill which he stuck back together."
7041,23,2,1,"Marshall: August 5, one charge - tickets. To what? George Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars. August 10, one charge, Tennis Emporium. August 18, two charges. Mario's bistro and - get this - Pet Palace. You guys see what it means right?"
7042,23,2,1,"Marshall daydream, in San Francisco."
7043,23,2,1,"Lily: Wow, Mario's bistro. What a perfect place to whore around."
7044,23,2,1,George Clinton: Only the best for my little Lily Pad.
7045,23,2,1,"Lily: Oh funk legend George Clinton, I am so glad you spotted me at your concert an drag me on stage to dance with you Courteney Cox style."
7046,23,2,1,George Clinton: I am so glad you agreed to play tennis with me.
7047,23,2,1,"Lily: Oh you know, Marshall tried to get me to play tennis for nine years but I didn't do it because I never truly loved him."
7048,23,2,1,George Clinton: I got you a gift.
7049,23,2,1,"Lily: Oh! A ferret. I'll buy it some food next door at the Pet Palace. I've always wanted one, but Marshall have this secret phobia of ferrets."
7050,23,2,1,George Clinton: I bet that's something he made you promise to tell nobody.
7051,23,2,1,"Lily: It was! Oh, I love you funk legend George Clinton."
7052,23,2,1,"George Clinton: I love you too, Lily. That's right Marshall, she's all mine. Now I'm gonna let her play with my hair."
7053,23,2,1,
7054,23,2,1,Back at MacLaren's.
7055,23,2,1,Ted: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
7056,23,2,1,"Robin: Yeah. Why are you afraid of ferrets, they are adorable."
7057,23,2,1,"Marshall: Because, Robin, they are like fuzzy tube-shaped rats."
7058,23,2,1,Barney: Those charges are from a month ago.
7059,23,2,1,Ted: Exactly!
7060,23,2,1,"Barney: For new charges, you have to go to her online account. You can see credit card activity from like two hours ago. But... You know... Don't... (Marshall leaves the bar, running)."
7061,23,2,1,Ted: Why do you talk? Why do you talk?
7062,23,2,1,At the apartment.
7063,23,2,1,"Barney: He needs her password. Its not like he has her password. Ooh, he has her password. This is... He has her password."
7064,23,2,1,"Marshall: There is a charge from earlier today. The Kellet Hotel, on Fifth. I don't believe this. Lily is back in New-York. (...) I can't believe this. Lily's in New-York? I guess I'd been thinking when she got back she's call me. That's the only reason I've been able to hold it together so far this summer."
7065,23,2,1,Robin (to Ted): This has been holding in together?
7066,23,2,1,"Marshall: OK, you know what? I'm calling her."
7067,23,2,1,"Ted: No! You're not calling her. This changes nothing. (To Barney) You, come here. (Barney and Robin follow Ted in the kitchen). While we're away this weekend can you keep an eye on him? Make sure he doesn't call her hotel."
7068,23,2,1,Barney: You want me to baby-sit him? 20 bucks. An hour. And money for pizza.
7069,23,2,1,Ted: Um yeah. How about you do it for free or every time we hang out you have to watch this. (To Robin) Come here my little baby. (Ted and Robin are making out)
7070,23,2,1,"Barney: OK, I'll do it! Stop being a couple."
7071,23,2,1,Robin: Marshall!
7072,23,2,1,Ted: Marshall! Marshall!
7073,23,2,1,(Back in the living room)
7074,23,2,1,"Marshall: Ted, I know I shouldn't do this but I have to!"
7075,23,2,1,Ted: Everything we've worked so hard for...!
7076,23,2,1,"Marshall: Hello, Lily Aldrin's room please. Thank you."
7077,23,2,1,Ted: Hang up now!
7078,23,2,1,"Marshall: Ted, I can't hang up now."
7079,23,2,1,Ted: Hang up now! Hang up now! Hang up now! Hang up!
7080,23,2,1,Marshall: Hello?! (He hangs up) A guy answered. There is... There is a guy in her room. I'm going down there.
7081,23,2,1,Barney: No!
7082,23,2,1,"Ted: Dude, you can't..."
7083,23,2,1,Marshall: I have to go down there and I have to tell her I love her. I have to beg to take me back even if I have to tell on my knees.
7084,23,2,1,"Robin: Marshall, you can't do that!"
7085,23,2,1,Marshall: Really? Why not?
7086,23,2,1,Ted from 2030: 56 days. That's how long it took me to get right about here.
7087,23,2,1,"Ted: Because you're pathetic! I'm sorry. But right now, you are not Marshall. You are the miserable, whining, shampoo-sniffing ghost of Marshall and frankly, a guy like you doesn't have a shot in hell with a girl like Lily. You know who might have a shot somewhere down the line? Marshall. The real Marshall. But if you go down there now like this, you'll blow it for him and he's never gonna forgive you. Of course, whatever I say, you just will do the opposite so, have a great weekend, good luck screwing up your life. Come on, Robin... Is it still OK if we borrow the car?"
7088,23,2,1,Barney: Bold. Bold to go for the car.
7089,23,2,1,In the car.
7090,23,2,1,Ted: What?
7091,23,2,1,Robin: I didn't say a thing.
7092,23,2,1,Ted: You think I was too hard on him.
7093,23,2,1,Robin: I didn't say a thing.
7094,23,2,1,Ted: I can't believe you're accusing me to be too hard on him. You're the one who said tough love.
7095,23,2,1,"Robin: Yeah, tough love, not hand the guy a noose."
7096,23,2,1,"Ted: Oh, but it's OK to hand him a 9 mm? Yeah. He told me. So you're a gun nut?"
7097,23,2,1,"Robin: No, I'm a gun enthusiast."
7098,23,2,1,Ted: Do you know how many people are killed...
7099,23,2,1,Robin: The Second Amendment protects my right to bear arms...
7100,23,2,1,"Ted: Alright, alright. I was too hard on him."
7101,23,2,1,Robin: A little.
7102,23,2,1,"Ted: I'm gonna call Barney, see how they're doing."
7103,23,2,1,[Phone call]
7104,23,2,1,Barney: Barney.
7105,23,2,1,"Ted: Uh, hey. Where are you guys?"
7106,23,2,1,Barney: We're at a fundraiser helping young women raise money for college.
7107,23,2,1,Ted: Strip-club. Nice. Is Marshall OK?
7108,23,2,1,"Barney: Yeah, he's here and he's great. Hang on. Marshall, tell Ted... Uh-oh."
7109,23,2,1,Stripper: Already?
7110,23,2,1,Ted: What? What uh-oh?
7111,23,2,1,Barney: He's gone.
7112,23,2,1,Ted: You lost him? I can't believe it! He's gonna go down to that hotel.
7113,23,2,1,"Barney: Crap, you're right. OK, here is the plan. Here is the plan. You go down to the hotel and find him. I'll stay here and get a lap dance. Bye Ted!"
7114,23,2,1,Ted: Barney![End of the phone call]
7115,23,2,1,Robin: Is there a hot tube at your uncle's place?
7116,23,2,1,Ted: A really nice one.
7117,23,2,1,At Lily's hotel.
7118,23,2,1,"Ted: Hi. Uh, could you tell me what room Lily Aldrin's in? Thanks. Marshall!"
7119,23,2,1,Marshall: Hey.
7120,23,2,1,Ted: What happened?
7121,23,2,1,"Marshall: Well, I went up to Lily's floor..."
7122,23,2,1,[Flashback]
7123,23,2,1,"Marshall:...and I had this little speech in my head. Everything I've been wanting to say to her all summer about love, loyalty, respect. I knocked on the door. (A man is opening the door and Marshall is punching him in the face)."
7124,23,2,1,[End of flashback]
7125,23,2,1,Ted: You knocked out Lily's new boyfriend?
7126,23,2,1,Marshall: Yeah. It wasn't Lily's boyfriend.
7127,23,2,1,Ted: What? Who was he?
7128,23,2,1,"Ted from 2030: His name was Joey Adalian. He went by a number of aliases as an identity thief. Apparently, earlier in the summer..."
7129,23,2,1,[Flashback]
7130,23,2,1,"Lily: Oh, this is so embarrassing. I could've sworn I have some change. I know, I know, I'm sorry. Oh, here we go. No that's, that's a button... It was a button. Do you take credit cards?"
7131,23,2,1,"Waiter/Joey Adalian: Yes, I do.[End of flashback]"
7132,23,2,1,"Ted: So Lily is not back in town and she doesn't have a boyfriend. That's good news, right?"
7133,23,2,1,Marshall: Yeah. I don't know. Those credit card charges were the only remaining connection I had to her. I don't know where she is or what she's doing. She was my whole life man and now she's... She's gone.
7134,23,2,1,"Ted: You know, first day at college, I showed up, I was so freaked out and I got up to my room and there was my roommate, lying on the bed with his feet up on the wall. He had headphones on, a big smile on his face like he just didn't give a crap. Happy. Confident. Not afraid of anything. That guy was you. You before you met Lily."
7135,23,2,1,Marshall: Ted.
7136,23,2,1,Ted: Yeah.
7137,23,2,1,Marshall: I was high that day. I was. I was so high I thought you were the dean.
7138,23,2,1,"Ted: What I'm saying is, there's a version of you without Lily and... It's not this. You can't let Lily stole your identity the way that guy stole hers."
7139,23,2,1,"Marshall: OK.OK! Resolved. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to start being OK. Cheers."
7140,23,2,1,Ted: Cheers.
7141,23,2,1,"DAY FIFTY-SEVEN, at the apartment.Ted from 2030: But it wasn't. 'cause that's no how life works. The next day he found one of her socks or something and we were back to square one. And then, one morning..."
7142,23,2,1,"DAY SIXTY-SEVEN, still at the apartment."
7143,23,2,1,Robin: Ted. Ted you should see this.
7144,23,2,1,"Ted: Oh, what now? Marshall? What are you doing?"
7145,23,2,1,Marshall: It's Sunday. It's pancakes day.
7146,23,2,1,"Ted from 2030: It took him 67 days and one really disgusting batch of pancakes, but Marshall had come back from the dead. Because while baseball, strippers and guns can help, the only thing that can really heal a broken heart is time."
7147,24,2,2,"Ted from 2030: Marshall and Lily have together for nine wonderful years until she dumped him and ran off to San Francisco. The healing process was taking a long time. Then, one night he made a giant leap forward."
7148,24,2,2,At MacLaren's.
7149,24,2,2,"Robin: Alright, see you guys later."
7150,24,2,2,Ted: I'll walk you out.
7151,24,2,2,Marshall: See ya.
7152,24,2,2,Barney: You just checked out Robin's ass.
7153,24,2,2,"Marshall: What? No. I... Barney, I was..."
7154,24,2,2,"Barney: Dude, that's awesome! You're finally forgetting about that short redhead."
7155,24,2,2,Marshall: Lily.
7156,24,2,2,"Barney: Yes, Lily, thank you. That was gonna drive me crazy all night. Hey, Ted! Marshall's just checked out your girlfriend's ass."
7157,24,2,2,Marshall: I did not Ted...
7158,24,2,2,Ted: Awesome! You're finally getting better.
7159,24,2,2,"Barney: This is the moment I've been waiting for. Starting tonight, I'm gonna teach you how to live. Ted, you're out of chance, Marshall's in."
7160,24,2,2,Ted: Yes!
7161,24,2,2,"Marshall: Oh, God!"
7162,24,2,2,"Barney: Marshall, being a single guy in New York city is like... Pfff... What does everybody like?"
7163,24,2,2,Marshall: Candy.
7164,24,2,2,Barney: Yeah! It's like being in a candy store. You just walk right in and grab yourself some Whoppers. Yeah. Is Whoppers the best ones?
7165,24,2,2,Ted: Mounds.
7166,24,2,2,Barney: Milk Duds.
7167,24,2,2,Ted: Gobstoppers.
7168,24,2,2,Barney: Um...
7169,24,2,2,Ted from 2030: This went on for another hour. I'll just skip to the end.
7170,24,2,2,Ted: Dubble Bubbles.
7171,24,2,2,"Barney: Nice! Marshall, we're doing this. I am not taking no for an answer."
7172,24,2,2,Marshall: Fine.
7173,24,2,2,Ted (on the phone): Hey Robin. Marshall checked out your ass.
7174,24,2,2,"Marshall: Ted, what is wrong with you?"
7175,24,2,2,"Robin (on the phone): He checked out my ass? Hey, tell him thanks. I felt like I was having a bad ass day. Cool. See ya."
7176,24,2,2,Robin reaches her apartment. Lily is on her landing.
7177,24,2,2,Robin: Lily.
7178,24,2,2,Lily: It is a great ass.
7179,24,2,2,CREDIT TITLES
7180,24,2,2,"Ted from 2030: None of us had seen Lily in three months. There were so many unanswered questions, so many things to say."
7181,24,2,2,Robin: Your hair is adorable!
7182,24,2,2,Lily: Thank you! (They hug)
7183,24,2,2,"At MacLaren's.Ted from 2030: Meanwhile, Barney was taking Marshall out to meet women for the first time since he was 17."
7184,24,2,2,Barney: Hi. Have you met Marshall?
7185,24,2,2,Woman: Hi.
7186,24,2,2,"Marshall: Hi. Look how sweaty my hands are! It's weird, right? Uh, sweat. Like this... Smelly water coming out of your skin. It was nice meeting you."
7187,24,2,2,"Barney: I-I-I Hate to interrupt but, uh... Do you like magic?"
7188,24,2,2,"Woman: Umm... I guess. (Barney makes a trick, Umm, I guess is writing on his hand). Oh my God! (Barney does it again, Oh my God! appears on his hand) Anyway, Marshall here is awesome. Salad in a bag? His idea!"
7189,24,2,2,In a snack bar.
7190,24,2,2,"Barney: Dude, you were awesome last night. You were charming, you were funny. You were totally working that girl."
7191,24,2,2,Marshall: You went home with her!
7192,24,2,2,"Barney: Yes, I did. But she told me that if it wasn't for me you would've had a shot with her. So in hypothetical terms, you scored last night! All right! Hypothetical high five! Nice! Tonight, we're gonna go to the bar..."
7193,24,2,2,"Marshall: Barney, no, I'm not going out with you ever again."
7194,24,2,2,Barney: Come on! I'll teach you all my strategies!
7195,24,2,2,"Marshall: Oh, really?"
7196,24,2,2,"Barney: My favorite, number seven. Create a mystery about yourself. That way, they become so intrigued that they have to hang out with you all night."
7197,24,2,2,"Marshall: Oh, come on. Does that really work?"
7198,24,2,2,Barney: Maybe it does and maybe it doesn't.
7199,24,2,2,"Marshall: Dammit that's intriguing! OK, I'm in."
7200,24,2,2,"At the apartment, Robin arrives."
7201,24,2,2,Robin: You've gotta hear this.
7202,24,2,2,Ted: You will not believe what just happened.
7203,24,2,2,Robin: You go first.
7204,24,2,2,Ted: I find a 1939 penny on the subway. Just imagine the history this little copper guy's seen...
7205,24,2,2,Robin: Lily is back in town.
7206,24,2,2,Ted: And you let me go first?! Have you seen her?
7207,24,2,2,"Robin: Uh, yeah. I actually went apartment hunting with her today."
7208,24,2,2,Ted: How is she doing?
7209,24,2,2,Robin: You're not gonna like it.
7210,24,2,2,[FLASHBACK]
7211,24,2,2,"Lily: I am doing great. This summer, best thing ever. San Francisco is so happening right now."
7212,24,2,2,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7213,24,2,2,Ted: She's happy? Marshall had the worst summer of his life and she's happy. And I suppose her art program was fulfilling or whatever.
7214,24,2,2,[FLASHBACK]
7215,24,2,2,"Lily: Oh, the art program, best thing ever."
7216,24,2,2,"In San Francisco, Lily is painting."
7217,24,2,2,"Man: Oh my God, this is your best work. In all my years teaching, I've never seen anything so... Needless to say, this is art! I can't teach you anything. (The man is giving Lily his paintbrush)."
7218,24,2,2,"In New-York, with Robin."
7219,24,2,2,"Lily: But the best part of SF - oh that's what we call San Francisco - the people. Even just riding around on the bus all summer, it was like a human tapestry."
7220,24,2,2,"In San Francisco, in a bus.Man 1: Hi, I'm Mike. I'm a Buddhist monk slash adventure writer travel."
7221,24,2,2,Woman: I'm Paula. I sing in a punk band for children. Yeah!
7222,24,2,2,"Man 2: I'm Dan. I'm a neurosurgeon. You are stunning, by the way."
7223,24,2,2,In New-York.
7224,24,2,2,"Robin: Wow, I am so happy for you."
7225,24,2,2,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7226,24,2,2,"Ted: Oh, she's such a... godda... God! After what she did to Marshall, she should come back here devastated. Crawling over the broken glass of her own shame and regret."
7227,24,2,2,Robin: You never chose sides. I respect that.
7228,24,2,2,Ted: She's unbelievable! Unbelievable!
7229,24,2,2,(Marshall arrives.)
7230,24,2,2,Marshall: Unbelievable? What's unbelievable?
7231,24,2,2,"Ted: Uh, listen Marshall..."
7232,24,2,2,Robin: Ted found a penny on the subway and it's old and that's interesting.
7233,24,2,2,Marshall: Way to go.
7234,24,2,2,(Marshall goes into his bedroom.)
7235,24,2,2,"Ted: OK, first of all, that is interesting. Second, we have to tell him."
7236,24,2,2,"Robin: No, we don't. He's just starting to get better. Going out with Barney. How do you think he'll feel when he hears Lily's moved on?"
7237,24,2,2,Ted: She's moved on?
7238,24,2,2,"Robin: Well, it happens. I've fallen out of love faster than that before. Sometimes, boom, with no warning whatsoever. One day we're in love, the next day, he's dead to me. But we're great! Honey?"
7239,24,2,2,At MacLaren's.
7240,24,2,2,Barney: Let's review Barney's rules for mating without dating. Lesson two: corollary five.
7241,24,2,2,Marshall: Make a beautiful woman feel self-conscious and unattractive and she'll be putty in your hands.
7242,24,2,2,Barney: Excellent. Have you chosen your entrée?
7243,24,2,2,"Marshall: I have. A sweet brunette, eight o'clock. Nine o'clock. Ten; thirty. She's walking to the bar."
7244,24,2,2,"Barney: Her? Really? No, you're right. Ambition is the enemy of success. OK, hit it."
7245,24,2,2,"Marshall (to the girl): Hey four-eyes. You got astigmatism or something? I'm sorry, I was trying to be playful but I just got out of a lonf relationship. I have no idea what I'm doing! I'm Marshall."
7246,24,2,2,"Girl: Hi Marshall. Amy. Don't worry, I've been there. Hold on."
7247,24,2,2,Barney: Nice recovery. I think it's working.
7248,24,2,2,"Marshall: Um, Amy, this is my friend Barney. Barney, this is Amy."
7249,24,2,2,"Amy: Hey Barney, nice to meet you."
7250,24,2,2,"Barney: Hi. Amy, do you like... magic?"
7251,24,2,2,At the apartment.
7252,24,2,2,Marshall: I hate you.
7253,24,2,2,Barney: I am so sorry. It's a sickness. I'm the real victim here.
7254,24,2,2,Marshall: Twice! Twice in a row you took my candy! That was my candy!
7255,24,2,2,Barney: I know but tonight...
7256,24,2,2,"Marshall: No, forget it. You're such a jackass!"
7257,24,2,2,"Barney (with you're a jerk writing on his hand): I though you were gonna call me a jerk. All right, I'm sorry. But I will make it up to you. Tonight, we'll go to a college bar near NYU. The Scorpion & The Toad. I figure in a younger crowd you'll seem more mature, more worldly. And, as a third-year law student, more smarter."
7258,24,2,2,"Marshall: OK, but no magic. (He turns to Barney who disappeared). How did you do that?"
7259,24,2,2,"Barney: I'm taking a leak, dumb-ass."
7260,24,2,2,In a building.Ted from 2030: Robin and I went apartment hunting with Aunt Lily.
7261,24,2,2,"Lily: But I need the freedom to really chase my passion, which was painting but now, I think it's music, or spoken words. Maybe both. God, isn't life amazing."
7262,24,2,2,Ted: Yeah.
7263,24,2,2,Lily: It is so great to see you Ted. Ah! I'm gonna get the key for the lockbox.
7264,24,2,2,(She leaves.)
7265,24,2,2,Robin: What?
7266,24,2,2,"Ted: She's miserable. She's realized she's made a huge mistake. Her and Marshall will be back together in a week, I love it!"
7267,24,2,2,"Robin: No, you just want Lily to be miserable. The truth is she's happy."
7268,24,2,2,Ted: Trust me. I've known Lily for nine years.
7269,24,2,2,"Robin: Trust me, I'm a girl!"
7270,24,2,2,Ted: Yeah. But you're Canadian.
7271,24,2,2,Robin: Why do you always have to bring that up?
7272,24,2,2,Ted: You're our weird neighbors!
7273,24,2,2,Robin: You bring it up every time...
7274,24,2,2,"Ted: No, alright. Five bucks says she still wants Marshall."
7275,24,2,2,Robin: You're on.
7276,24,2,2,Ted: Five American bucks.
7277,24,2,2,"Robin: Dammit! OK, so how do we get the truth out of her?"
7278,24,2,2,"Ted: Tequila. It's her weakness. Three shots, she tells you the truth about anything."
7279,24,2,2,"(Lily come back.)Lily: I hope this is my new home. (She comes in the apartment) Yeah, I'm gonna take that first apartment."
7280,24,2,2,"At the apartment, Barney knocks at the door, Marshall opens."
7281,24,2,2,"Barney: Marshall Eriksen, suit up!"
7282,24,2,2,Marshall: No way.
7283,24,2,2,Barney: Yeah you're good in that. Let's go.
7284,24,2,2,Marshall: Wait. Empty your pockets. Come on.
7285,24,2,2,Barney: Come on...
7286,24,2,2,Marshall: Sleeves.
7287,24,2,2,Barney: There is nothing in my sl...
7288,24,2,2,Marshall: Oh is that right?
7289,24,2,2,Barney: Huh? Huh? Let's go.
7290,24,2,2,Marshall: Behind my ear.
7291,24,2,2,Barney: Oh there is nothing behind your... Ohh!
7292,24,2,2,Marshall: Ohh!
7293,24,2,2,
7294,24,2,2,At The Scorpion & the Toad bar.
7295,24,2,2,"Girl: Yeah, I'm in pre-law. The workload's killing me though."
7296,24,2,2,"Marshall: Oh, tell me about it. I'm a third year at Columbia Law, so... If the workload does kill you I can probably get a conviction. Yeah."
7297,24,2,2,"In an other spot of the Scorpion & the Toad.Barney (to a girl): You must be majoring in chemistry 'cause what I'm picking up between us is, uh... (The girl leaves / to the girl's friend) College lesbian phase."
7298,24,2,2,Back to Marshall and the first girl.
7299,24,2,2,"Girl: Listen, I gotta go. But it'd be great to see you again."
7300,24,2,2,"Marshall: Yes, it would. It really would."
7301,24,2,2,Girl: Maybe I'll see you here sometimes.
7302,24,2,2,"Marshall: Probably not. I'm never here, so..."
7303,24,2,2,"Girl: You know, I do have a phone number."
7304,24,2,2,Marshall: Great. Nice.
7305,24,2,2,"Barney: Hi, I'm Barney."
7306,24,2,2,"Marshall: Oh, no."
7307,24,2,2,Barney: Do you mind giving my friend your phone number?
7308,24,2,2,Girl: Sure.
7309,24,2,2,In a cab.
7310,24,2,2,"Marshall: Whoo! I did it! I got a girl's phone number! Oh, and her handwriting is so cute. Look. I'll take her out for Chinese food and then we'll walk through the park. It'll be so... What?"
7311,24,2,2,"Barney: Sorry buddy, I'm taking this one too."
7312,24,2,2,Marshall (choking Barney): I'll kill you!
7313,24,2,2,At Robin's apartment.
7314,24,2,2,"Lily: And then I discovered this area, North beach. Best beach ever! Oh, I've been blabbering on about my summer. How are you guys doing? And hey, how is Marshall?"
7315,24,2,2,"In the cab, Marshall still chokes Barney."
7316,24,2,2,Marshall: Gimme the card! I swear I'm gonna...
7317,24,2,2,Barney: I'm not giving you...
7318,24,2,2,Back at Robin's.
7319,24,2,2,Ted: Terrific.
7320,24,2,2,"Lily: That is so good to hear. (Lily's phone rings). Oh, hold on. This could be about he apartment. (She leaves the room)."
7321,24,2,2,"Ted: OK, we're way past truth-telling Lily and about to hit Cinco-de-Mayo-1998 Lily, and I'm not cleaning that up again. So, congratulations. You win, she's happy."
7322,24,2,2,(Lily come back.)
7323,24,2,2,Lily: I didn't get it. That first apartment. I... I waited too long and somebody else got it. (She starts crying).
7324,24,2,2,"Ted: Interesting. Wow Lily, you, uh, seem to be having a pretty strong reaction to losing this apartment. I wonder is it because it reminds you of something you lost because you couldn't commit?"
7325,24,2,2,"Robin: No, Lily you're crying over the crown moulding and the real hardwood floor. There's no deeper meaning, right Lily? Just quit crying and tell him."
7326,24,2,2,Lily: The apartment is a metaphor for Marshall! (Robin gives back Ted his five dollars)
7327,24,2,2,In the cab.
7328,24,2,2,Barney: Stop it!
7329,24,2,2,Marshall: You don't want to see me when I'm angry!
7330,24,2,2,"Barney: Stop! If we can't settle this like gentlemen, then no one gets the number. (He sends the card across the window)."
7331,24,2,2,Marshall: Stop the cab! (Marshall gets out of the car)
7332,24,2,2,"Barney: No, wait. Come on. Wait. Marshall! 81st and 1st please. (He pulls the card out of his sleeve). Oh, she does have a cute handwriting."
7333,24,2,2,In a snack-bar.Ted from 2030: About hangovers - everyone has their own special remedy.
7334,24,2,2,"Waiter: Morning guys, what can I get you?"
7335,24,2,2,"Lily: Shhh! Bring me the dirtiest, greasiest tuna melt you got. And a milkshake."
7336,24,2,2,"Waiter: For you, sir?"
7337,24,2,2,Ted: Gravy.
7338,24,2,2,Waiter: You want that gravy on something?
7339,24,2,2,Ted: Surprise me.
7340,24,2,2,Robin: I'd take you with gravy if my boyfriend wasn't sitting right here! Just kidding. I'm good.
7341,24,2,2,Lily: What are you charpy about?
7342,24,2,2,Ted: She's still drunk from last night.
7343,24,2,2,Robin: I don't think so! Whoo!
7344,24,2,2,"Ted: Look, if you want Marshall back so bad, how come it took you two days to ask about him?"
7345,24,2,2,Lily: I was dying to ask. I was just trying to play it cool. But really...
7346,24,2,2,"[FLASHBACK, Robin and Lily visit an apartment]"
7347,24,2,2,"Robin: But it's good, I mean work's great..."
7348,24,2,2,"Lily: Say something about Marshall. Where is Marshall? How's Marshall? What's Marshall doing right now? (They are now with Ted in an other building) Shut up and talk about Marshall. Shut up and talk about Marshall! Shut up and talk about Marshall! Marshall! Marshall! Marshall! Marshall! Aaah I gotta ask! (Then, the three of them are in Robin's apartment) And, hey, how is Marshall?"
7349,24,2,2,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7350,24,2,2,Lily: It was such an awful summer! I just wanted to get back here and see him.
7351,24,2,2,Ted: But I thought your summer was great?!
7352,24,2,2,Lily: Not exactly...
7353,24,2,2,"[FLASHBACK, in San Francisco, Lily paints]"
7354,24,2,2,Man: Oh my God! This is your best work?! In all my years teaching I've never seen something so... needless. To say this is art... I can't teach you anything.
7355,24,2,2,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7356,24,2,2,Ted: So all those interesting people you met on the bus...?
7357,24,2,2,"Lily: Yeah, um..."
7358,24,2,2,"[FLASHBACK, in a bus]"
7359,24,2,2,Man: I'm Mike. I'm a Buddhist monk slash adventure writer travel.
7360,24,2,2,"I'm Paula. I sing in a punk band for children. I'm Dan. I'm a neurosurgeon. You are stunning, by the way."
7361,24,2,2,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7362,24,2,2,"Lily: I never got in touch because I was too embarrassed. I screwed everything up. I have no job, no place to live. I lost the love of my life. Look, I know I have no right to ask this but do you think Marshall would take me back?"
7363,24,2,2,"Ted: In a heartbeat. If you called him up, yeah, he'd take you back with open arms."
7364,24,2,2,"Lily: Wow. So, maybe I should call him?"
7365,24,2,2,"Ted: Maybe. No! This is... Ooww... Hold on. Look. If you're gonna go back to him, I don't wanna hear the word ""maybe"". ""Maybe"" cannot be in your vocabulary. This break-up almost killed him. And he cannot go through it again. So, unless you're absolutely certain, stay the hell away from him."
7366,24,2,2,Robin (laughing): This guy like pennies!
7367,24,2,2,At MacLaren's.
7368,24,2,2,Barney: Hi Marshall.
7369,24,2,2,"Marshall: No, go away, I don't want to talk to you."
7370,24,2,2,"Barney: OK. I know what I did a couple nights back was is in a moral grey area. But the great news is she loved you. If things had gone your way, you'd gone out a couple time, I think she definitely would've had s*x with you."
7371,24,2,2,"Marshall: There is no ""would"" in s*x. There totally is. I'm just no good at this Barney! I'm good at being in a couple. I'm good at being Lily's boyfriend. Being single, forget it."
7372,24,2,2,"Barney: You can't give up now. What if I told you that you could relive that night with the exact same conversations, the exact same jokes, only this time you get her and I don't."
7373,24,2,2,Marshall: That's not possible.
7374,24,2,2,"Barney: Oh, but it is. She has... Wait for it. Here it comes. Almost there...an identical twin. Yes!"
7375,24,2,2,Marshall: A twin isn't the same person.
7376,24,2,2,"Barney: Of course, it is. What do you think ""identical"" means? ""Ident-"" - same. ""-ical"" - person. Same person. Hey, we could double date."
7377,24,2,2,Marshall: Fine.
7378,24,2,2,Barney: Ah!
7379,24,2,2,"Marshall: But you have to promise me you're not gonna steal my new twin and leave me with your old, used-up twin."
7380,24,2,2,Barney: Used-up? They're a human being Marshall.
7381,24,2,2,Ted from 2030: So Uncle Marshall and Uncle Barney went out on a double date with the twins.
7382,24,2,2,Barney: How are you doing?
7383,24,2,2,Marshall: Great. Amazing. This is so much fun. Me and the girl are really cliking.
7384,24,2,2,"Barney: You are. You definitely are. Listen, you're gonna have to leave now. I just talked with the twins and, get this, I'm going home with both of them! Yeah. That's happening."
7385,24,2,2,Marshall: It is impossible that you're doing this to me again.
7386,24,2,2,Barney: But they're twins.
7387,24,2,2,Marshall: You said to me that being single would be like being in a candy store.
7388,24,2,2,"Barney: Well, it's not like a candy store. It's a lawless, post-apocalyptic wasteland. I may be your best friend..."
7389,24,2,2,Marshall: Ted's my best friend.
7390,24,2,2,"Barney:...but in this world it's every hombre for himself. That's what being single is. And after nine years of captivity, that is the single greatest lesson I can teach you about surviving in the wild. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have two unique breasts an two duplicates waiting for me. (Barney rejoins the twins, Marshall leaves the bar). Oh bad news. Marshall got food poisoning."
7391,24,2,2,Twin 1: What?
7392,24,2,2,Twin 2: That's so bad. I really liked him.
7393,24,2,2,Barney: Yeah. I guess we're just a threesome tonight.
7394,24,2,2,"Outside of MacLaren's, Marshall runs into Lily."
7395,24,2,2,Marshall: Lily. What are you doing here?
7396,24,2,2,"Lily: Oh, I-I was just walking by. I wasn't... Oh, you mean, New-York? My program ended. It was just great. Just lots of fun. It was awful. It was the worst mistake I ever made. I'm so sorry Marshall. And, hello."
7397,24,2,2,"Marshall: Lily, this was the worst summer of my life."
7398,24,2,2,Lily: I know. It was the worst summer of my life.
7399,24,2,2,Marshall: It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.
7400,24,2,2,Lily: Can we please get back together?
7401,24,2,2,"Marshall: All that crap you said to me about ""we need to figure out who we are outside of us, and we need to learn to do things on our own."". It broke my heart. Three months ago, you broke my heart."
7402,24,2,2,Lily: Can we please get back together?
7403,24,2,2,"Marshall: Lily, you were right. All that crap was right. So, no. No, we can't get back together. We shouldn't. At least, not right now."
7404,24,2,2,Lily: Wow. OK. Yeah. Wi... Will we still see each other?
7405,24,2,2,Marshall: Yeah. Yeah. I think so. I don't know. This is all really new to me. I just got out of a long relationship. I like your hair.
7406,24,2,2,"Lily: Thanks. I, uh, figured, new city, new color - uh, old color. (Music 'It's gonna be different this time' / Later). And the pizza there. Worst pizza ever! I'm so glad to be back in New-York."
7407,24,2,2,Marshall: Yeah.
7408,24,2,2,"Lily: Listen, if there is anything I can do to even begin to make things up to you."
7409,24,2,2,"Marshall: Actually, there's maybe something you can do for me. But you can never ever ask me why."
7410,24,2,2,"In MacLaren's, Barney is still with the twins."
7411,24,2,2,"Barney: So then, I was promoted to assistant ménage-er. Manager. Why do I keep doing that? (Lily arrives.) Lily?"
7412,24,2,2,"Lily: You gave me Chlamydia, you jerk! (She throws a drink at his face and leaves)"
7413,24,2,2,"Barney: So, where was I? Ah yes. Assistant ménage-er. I did it again. I can't believe it!"
7414,24,2,2,(Lily shows up again)
7415,24,2,2,"Lily: You gave my twin sister Chlamydia! You slime! (She throws a second drink at his face and leaves, following by the twins)."
7416,25,2,3,Year 2030
7417,25,2,3,"Ted: Kids you know that photo in the den? It was taken back in 2006, when Grandma and Grandpa came to visit me and we all went out to brunch. We all look pretty happy, right? Wrong."
7418,25,2,3,Year 2006
7419,25,2,3,Lily: I wish your face would melt off.
7420,25,2,3,Marshall: I wish your eyeballs would explode.
7421,25,2,3,Lily: I hate you.
7422,25,2,3,Marshall: I hate you more.
7423,25,2,3,Ted: I'm going to kill him.
7424,25,2,3,Barney: I can't say I blame you.
7425,25,2,3,"Ted: No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him."
7426,25,2,3,Robin: I don't care how unpleasant it is. You have to talk to him.
7427,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Not now.
7428,25,2,3,"Robin: Okay, if you don't, I will."
7429,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Robin...! (She lifts her arm and hits the waitress who falls down.)
7430,25,2,3,"Ted from 2030: Okay, for any of this to make sense, you got to understand, there are three parts to this story. Let's start with the Marshall and Lily part."
7431,25,2,3,The Marshall and Lily part.
7432,25,2,3,"The previous day, at the apartment.Ted from 2030: As a 30th anniversary gift, I had flown my parents to New York for the weekend."
7433,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Oh, I forgot to tell you, your cousin Jimmy had a wonderful time at that spa he visited."
7434,25,2,3,Ted: You mean the spa the judge ordered him to go to to quit cocaine?
7435,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Coffee?
7436,25,2,3,"Ted from 2030: You know, Grandma and Grandpa didn't like to talk about things that were uncomfortable, emotional, or in any way... real."
7437,25,2,3,"Lily: Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mosby."
7438,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Oh, Lily! Hi, Marshall."
7439,25,2,3,Marshall: Good to see you.
7440,25,2,3,Lily: I was just stopping by to pick up some of my things.
7441,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Yes, we were so sorry to hear about your... You know, the, the... Well..."
7442,25,2,3,Marshall: Lily calling off the wedding and dumping me?
7443,25,2,3,Lily: Me begging Marshall to take me back and him rejecting me?
7444,25,2,3,Ted's mother: I love your hair.
7445,25,2,3,OPENING
7446,25,2,3,"Ted from 2030: This was only the second time Marshall and Lily had seen each other since breaking up, but to their credit, it wasn't that awkward."
7447,25,2,3,"Marshall: Actually, we're cool. We just divided up CDs. It was all very civil. I'm proud of us. Wwe're, we're good."
7448,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Well, we were all going to go to Casa a Pezzi at 8:00. Lily, would you like to join us?"
7449,25,2,3,Lily (looking at Marshall): Um...
7450,25,2,3,Marshall: What?
7451,25,2,3,"Lily: Well, I-I don't want to go if it would make you uncomfortable."
7452,25,2,3,Marshall: Why would it?
7453,25,2,3,"Lily: Well, I mean, yeah, we're... We're good, but you got to admit there's that stuff between us."
7454,25,2,3,"Marshall: Um, not for me. Now it's just like we're friends. It's like we're brother and sister."
7455,25,2,3,"Lily: ""Brother and sister""?! Okay. Fine, yeah, I'll see you at the restaurant, bro. (She leaves)"
7456,25,2,3,Ted from 2030: See? Not awkward at all.
7457,25,2,3,"The evening, at ""Casa a Pezzi"". Lily arrives."
7458,25,2,3,"Lily: Hello, everyone."
7459,25,2,3,All: Hi.
7460,25,2,3,"Lily: Hello, Marshall."
7461,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Lily, that is a stunning dress."
7462,25,2,3,"Lily: Oh, thanks. It's kind of revealing, but I thought, ""Hey, we're all family."" Right, bro? Ooh, ah..."
7463,25,2,3,Ted: What's wrong?
7464,25,2,3,"Lily: Oh, I, I hurt my ankle in yoga today. The instructor told me to just take deep breaths to get through the pain, just... (She breathes deeply while Marshall glances at her low neckline) Are you all right? You're kind of sweating."
7465,25,2,3,"Marshall: No, I'm fine. It's just... This roll is really spicy."
7466,25,2,3,"The next morning, at the apartment."
7467,25,2,3,"Marshall: Lily is evil! She just wore that dress to torture me. Well, you know what? Two can play at that game. See, at brunch, I'm going to torture Lily right back. Yeah. There's a part of my body that she's got a weakness for, too."
7468,25,2,3,"Barney: Dude, you can't whip that out at brunch."
7469,25,2,3,"Marshall: No, not that. I'm going to unleash my calves."
7470,25,2,3,Barney: That's crazy. Nobody's turned on by men's calves. They're a thoroughly unerotic body part.
7471,25,2,3,"Marshall: Well, yeah, I'd say that, too, if I had those skinny little chicken legs."
7472,25,2,3,Barney: I'll be waiting by the phone for your apology.
7473,25,2,3,At brunch.
7474,25,2,3,Ted from 2030: So Marshall showed up at brunch with a plan.
7475,25,2,3,Marshall: Hello.
7476,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Oh, hi."
7477,25,2,3,"Ted: Hey, Marshall."
7478,25,2,3,Robin: Hey.
7479,25,2,3,Lily: Hey. How are you feeling? You looked kind of feverish last night.
7480,25,2,3,"Marshall: Oh, no, I actually feel great. It is kind of warm in here, though, isn't it?"
7481,25,2,3,"Lily: Oh, I don't know, if anything, it's kind of... (Marshall starts unzipping his knee zips) What are you doing?"
7482,25,2,3,"Marshall: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. I'm just making myself feel a little bit more... comfortable. (He starts massaging his calve) Oh. Oh, yes. I've been doing all these toe lifts lately, and so... My calves have really been cramping up."
7483,25,2,3,Marshall and Lily are in the restaurant bathroom.
7484,25,2,3,Marshall: Take off your dress.
7485,25,2,3,Lily: Take off the rest of your pants.
7486,25,2,3,"Later, leaving the bathroom and joining the table."
7487,25,2,3,Lily: I really wasn't expecting that to happen.
7488,25,2,3,"Marshall: Yeah, me neither. It kind of complicates things, doesn't it?"
7489,25,2,3,"Lily: Yeah, it does. Why did you have to throw your magnificent calves at me? You know you have a punter's leg."
7490,25,2,3,"Marshall: Well, why did you have to throw your beautiful boobs at me? You know you have... boobs."
7491,25,2,3,"Lily: Just admit it, you came here trying to seduce me."
7492,25,2,3,Marshall: Seduce you? You seduced me.
7493,25,2,3,Lily: You sat down next to me and took most of your pants off.
7494,25,2,3,Marshall: You went to San Francisco for three months.
7495,25,2,3,Lily: How is that seducing you?
7496,25,2,3,"Marshall: Well, it's not but I'm still mad about it."
7497,25,2,3,"Lily: All right, that's it - I want The Beatles Anthology."
7498,25,2,3,"Marshall: Oh, well, that's too bad. I'm keeping it! And you know the U2 box set I gave you? Look inside - all Dave Matthews."
7499,25,2,3,Lily: You are evil.
7500,25,2,3,The waitress (taking a photo): Smile!
7501,25,2,3,Ted: I'm going to kill him.
7502,25,2,3,Barney: I can't say I blame you.
7503,25,2,3,"Ted: No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him."
7504,25,2,3,Ted from 2030: Now let's talk about the Barney part of the story.
7505,25,2,3,The Barney part.
7506,25,2,3,"The previous day, at the apartment.Ted from 2030: This was going to be Robin's first time meeting my parents, so we were both a little nervous."
7507,25,2,3,(Somebody knocks at the door. Ted opens. It's Barney.)
7508,25,2,3,"Ted: Barney, what are you doing here?"
7509,25,2,3,Barney: Uh... I'm here to meet your parents. They must be dying to meet me after all the legendary Barney stories you've told them.
7510,25,2,3,Ted: I haven't told them any legendary Barney stories.
7511,25,2,3,Barney: What?
7512,25,2,3,"Ted: Barney, here is a list of all the things I talk with my dad about: baseball."
7513,25,2,3,Barney: But I'm your best friend.
7514,25,2,3,"Ted: Well, actually Marshall's my..."
7515,25,2,3,Barney: I'm the most important person in your life.
7516,25,2,3,"Ted: Well, Robin's actually..."
7517,25,2,3,Barney: How could your parents not know about me? I'm delightful.
7518,25,2,3,"Robin: To us, sure, in very small, infrequent doses. I mean, come on, you're not exactly the kind of friend parents want their kid to have."
7519,25,2,3,"Barney: Oh, really? Then I guess those shoes aren't the thing you're most wrong about today."
7520,25,2,3,"(Knock at the door, Ted opens.)"
7521,25,2,3,"Ted: Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad."
7522,25,2,3,Ted's father: Ted.
7523,25,2,3,Ted: I know you've all been excited to meet...
7524,25,2,3,"Barney: Barney Stinson. An honor to meet the two of you. That needlepoint ""Bless This Mess"" pillow you made for Ted - what a stitch. Stitch! Did that just happen? (Ted's parents and Barney laugh)"
7525,25,2,3,"Ted: Uh, Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend, Robin."
7526,25,2,3,Ted's father: Hello.
7527,25,2,3,Robin: Hello.
7528,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Oh, it's wonderful to meet you, Robin. Oh, you are so pretty. Isn't she pretty, Al?"
7529,25,2,3,Ted's father: A real looker.
7530,25,2,3,"Robin: That's funny, I didn't even ""look"" in the mirror today. That's not anything, is it? So, I made a reservation at San Marino tonight for 8:00."
7531,25,2,3,"Barney (laughing): San Marino! Oh, you're serious? Yikes. No. We have to try Casa A Pezzi. Best salmon risotto I have ever had."
7532,25,2,3,Ted's mother: I love salmon risotto.
7533,25,2,3,Barney: I know.
7534,25,2,3,Robin: How are we supposed to get a table at Casa A Pezzi? They're booked for weeks.
7535,25,2,3,"Barney: Well, lucky for you, I happen to know the head waitress, which is ironic because..."
7536,25,2,3,"Ted: Stop it! Don't, don't!"
7537,25,2,3,"Barney: Ironic because we both work at a homeless shelter where I serve the food. Where do you volunteer, Robin?"
7538,25,2,3,In the kitchen.
7539,25,2,3,"Robin: What's the matter with you? I'm his girlfriend, and I'm not even trying that hard. Way to wreck the curve, kiss-ass."
7540,25,2,3,"Barney: Robin, I'm his best friend. That's a commitment. Girlfriend? That's like a bad flu. Out of your system after a couple weeks in bed. High five!"
7541,25,2,3,(Ted's mother comes in the kitchen)
7542,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Can I help?
7543,25,2,3,"Barney: Yes, you can, Virginia. There's a story behind that broach, and I'm going to hear it."
7544,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Well, funny you should ask..."
7545,25,2,3,"At ""Casa a pezzi"". Barney is playing the piano.Ted's father: Whoa! Bravo, Barney. Oh, oh oh!"
7546,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: That is my all-time favorite sonata.Barney, you are just delightful."
7547,25,2,3,"Barney: No, Virginia, you're delightful, I am deligh-ted. And he's just Ted. I'm really not planning these things; they just keep happening."
7548,25,2,3,"Lily: Whoops. I think I dropped an ice cube down here. Ow, it's so cold."
7549,25,2,3,"Marshall: All right, that's it, I'm out of here. In a minute."
7550,25,2,3,Barney: Anyone up for a drink at MacLaren's?
7551,25,2,3,"Robin: No, I'm kind of tired."
7552,25,2,3,"Lily: Me, too."
7553,25,2,3,"Ted: Yeah, I'm sure my folks are gonna want..."
7554,25,2,3,Ted's father: I feel like I could knock back a few cervezas.
7555,25,2,3,Ted: Cervezas? Did he fall?
7556,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: I'd join you, too, but I want to get up early for Mass tomorrow."
7557,25,2,3,"Barney: St. Peter's, 8:45 a.m., it's my favorite service."
7558,25,2,3,Ted: Wait a minute. You're able to cross the threshold of a church?
7559,25,2,3,Barney: I'll save you a seat.
7560,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Oh, you are just terrific. Isn't he, Susan?"
7561,25,2,3,Robin: Robin.
7562,25,2,3,"Barney: Susan, her name is Virginia."
7563,25,2,3,"The next morning, at the aprtment."
7564,25,2,3,"Barney: Dude, I am sincerely ticked at your dad right now."
7565,25,2,3,Ted: Why?
7566,25,2,3,"Barney: Last night, we go to MacLaren's for a drink, right?"
7567,25,2,3,"[FALSHBACK, at MacLaren's]"
7568,25,2,3,"Ted's father (talking to a girl): So Barney darts back into the burning house, lifts up the refrigerator I'm pinned under and pulls me to safety."
7569,25,2,3,Girl: Wow. You're like a hero.
7570,25,2,3,"Barney: Oh, I'm no hero, Wendy. You know who is a hero? My Dalmatian, Smokey. He... didn't... make it out. I'm sorry."
7571,25,2,3,"Girl: You poor, brave man."
7572,25,2,3,Ted's father: Why don't you give the guy a hug?
7573,25,2,3,Barney: I'm... oh. (They hug).
7574,25,2,3,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7575,25,2,3,"Ted: My dad was your wingman? This is really messing with my head. Barney, is... Is my dad cool?"
7576,25,2,3,"Barney: I'm not done. So, your dad stays to finish his drink, but I take off because I have to be up early for Mass with your mom."
7577,25,2,3,Ted: Sure.
7578,25,2,3,"Barney: Anyway, I realize that I left my phone on the bar, so I come back..."
7579,25,2,3,"(Flashback: Barney arrives in the bar, sees Ted's father making out with Wendy and takes a photo of them with his phone. Back at the apartment, he hands Ted the phone)"
7580,25,2,3,"Ted: Oh, my God! Is that really...? Oh, my God!"
7581,25,2,3,Barney: I know. Can you believe your dad rack-jacked me like that?
7582,25,2,3,"Ted: My dad made out with Wendy the waitress? He cheated on my mom? No, that's impossible."
7583,25,2,3,"Barney: Ted, it's a well-known statistic that 83% of people married longer than six months are seeing someone on the side."
7584,25,2,3,"Ted: Do you know that when you make up a statistic, you always use ""83%""?"
7585,25,2,3,"Barney: You think I'm lying. Well, have you done any surveys on the subject? Because the good people at  m http://www.swingers.open-marriage-is-na ... lygamy.org m  have, and they beg to differ."
7586,25,2,3,Ted: That's not a real Web site.
7587,25,2,3,"Barney: Oh, and I suppose I didn't get a real T-shirt for running in their 10K."
7588,25,2,3,"(Knock at the door, Ted opens)"
7589,25,2,3,"Ted: Hi, Dad."
7590,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Hey, Ted. Barney!"
7591,25,2,3,Ted: Enjoying your vacation so far?
7592,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Oh, yeah."
7593,25,2,3,"Ted: Uh, listen, can I speak to you outside for a sec?"
7594,25,2,3,Ted's father: Sure.
7595,25,2,3,
7596,25,2,3,Outside.
7597,25,2,3,Ted: So you went out with Barney last night?
7598,25,2,3,Ted's father: Yeah.
7599,25,2,3,Ted: You have a good time?
7600,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry you couldn't join us."
7601,25,2,3,Ted: Yeah. So...
7602,25,2,3,Ted's father: What?
7603,25,2,3,Ted: Well...
7604,25,2,3,Ted's father: Well what?
7605,25,2,3,Ted: You think Cerrano's got a shot at the RBI title?
7606,25,2,3,At brunch.
7607,25,2,3,"Ted: I wanted to confront him, but I couldn't. I guess I got the let's-not-talk-about-anything-uncomfortable gene"
7608,25,2,3,"Barney: Well, you didn't get your dad's close-the-deal gene, that's for sure."
7609,25,2,3,The waitress (taking a photo): Smile!
7610,25,2,3,Robin: I don't care how unpleasant it is. You have to talk to him.
7611,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Not now.
7612,25,2,3,"Robin: Okay, if you don't, I will."
7613,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Robin...! (She lifts her arm and hits the waitress who falls down.)
7614,25,2,3,"Ted from 2030: Okay, now I got to back up all the way to the beginning to tell you the me and Robin part of the story."
7615,25,2,3,The me and Robin part.
7616,25,2,3,"The previous day, at the apartment."
7617,25,2,3,Ted from 2030: We were expecting my parents at any minute.
7618,25,2,3,Ted: One last thing about my mom. She grills every single one of my girlfriends about when we're gonna get married and have kids.
7619,25,2,3,Robin: But this is the first time she's meeting me.
7620,25,2,3,Ted: Doesn't matter. And you'll know it's coming when she mentions my cousin Stacy: six kids in five years. The woman's basically a ride at a water park.
7621,25,2,3,Robin: But I don't want to get married and have kids. What am I supposed to say?
7622,25,2,3,Ted: You know what? You're an adult with perfectly valid opinions. You shouldn't have to apologize for them.
7623,25,2,3,Robin: I'm gonna lie.
7624,25,2,3,Ted: I would.
7625,25,2,3,"At ""Casa a pezzi""."
7626,25,2,3,Lily: Thanks again for letting me have the U2 box set.
7627,25,2,3,Marshall: I know how important it is to you.
7628,25,2,3,Ted's mother: I talked to Aunt Caroline the other day. Stacy's pregnant again.
7629,25,2,3,"Ted: Oh, good for her."
7630,25,2,3,"Ted's mother (to Robin): So, dear..."
7631,25,2,3,"Robin: Oh, boy."
7632,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Tell us what it's like being a journalist.
7633,25,2,3,Robin: I'm just not ready.
7634,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Okay. No pressure.
7635,25,2,3,"Robin: Oh. Uh, I thought you, um... It's great."
7636,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Good. Focus on your job now, because your career clock is ticking. There's time for marriage and kids and all that other stuff later."
7637,25,2,3,"Barney: Ooh, a piano!"
7638,25,2,3,"The next morning, at the apartment."
7639,25,2,3,"Ted: You lucked out with my mom last night, huh? What a relief, right?"
7640,25,2,3,"Robin: Oh, absolutely. Whew, what a relief it is to know I'm the one girlfriend your mom doesn't want you to have kids with."
7641,25,2,3,Ted: Hooray?
7642,25,2,3,"Robin: I mean, did she really think that your college girlfriend Cheryl would pop out attractive children? 'Cause I've seen pictures, and, I'm sorry, that girl had a brow ridge like a caveman."
7643,25,2,3,"Ted: Come on, she was just frowning under direct light. And besides, that's not even what I liked about her. It was her... It's not important."
7644,25,2,3,At brunch.
7645,25,2,3,Barney: What happened to Marshall and Lily?
7646,25,2,3,Ted: They've been fighting lately. They're probably off somewhere going at it.
7647,25,2,3,Waitress: More coffee?
7648,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Oh, no, thank you. Isn't she sweet?"
7649,25,2,3,"Robin: Well, if she's so sweet, maybe she should have Ted's babies."
7650,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Excuse me?
7651,25,2,3,"Robin: Nothing. (She leaves the table to go to the bathroom, the door is locked, she knocks.)"
7652,25,2,3,Lily: Just a minute.
7653,25,2,3,Marshall: Maybe less.
7654,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Robin, dear, did I say something to upset you?"
7655,25,2,3,Robin: Why don't you want me to have your grandkids?
7656,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Do you want to have my grandkids?
7657,25,2,3,"Robin: No! I mean, I don't know. I just... I want you to want me to want to have your grandkids. And you should. I'm a genetic gold mine. No family history of diabetes or heart disease. Everyone has nonporous teeth and perfect eyesight. I had one schizophrenic uncle but even he had perfect vision. Which was unfortunate for the people around the bell tower he was in, but still he was a very fine man, and..."
7658,25,2,3,(Marshall and Lily go out the bathroom)
7659,25,2,3,Marshall: Excuse me. Sorry. Didn't know that there was a line.
7660,25,2,3,"Lily: Marshall, your zipper."
7661,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Robin, it's not that I don't want grandkids. It's just I don't think anyone should make the mistake of getting married too young."
7662,25,2,3,"Robin: Why do you say that? I mean, you got married pretty young. That wasn't a mistake. Was it?"
7663,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Well... Okay, there's something you don't know..."
7664,25,2,3,Back to the table.
7665,25,2,3,Waitress: Smile!
7666,25,2,3,Lily: I wish your face would melt off.
7667,25,2,3,Marshall: I wish your eyeballs would explode.
7668,25,2,3,Ted: I'm gonna kill him.
7669,25,2,3,"Robin: I don't care how unpleasant it is, you have to talk to him."
7670,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Not now.
7671,25,2,3,"Robin: Okay, if you don't, I will."
7672,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Robin...! (She lifts her arm and hits the waitress who falls down.)
7673,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Oh, gosh, let me help you pick those up, sweetheart."
7674,25,2,3,"Ted: Sweetheart? Sweetheart?! The only sweetheart in your life should be the woman you married 30 years ago, not the waitress at the bar last night and not this clumsy floozy! (To the waitress) I'm sorry, you're not a floozy. I'm upset, I don't know what I'm saying. But stay away from my dad."
7675,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Ted, what are you talking about?"
7676,25,2,3,"Ted: Dad? You, uh, want to tell Mom what happened at the bar last night?"
7677,25,2,3,Ted's father: Okay. I hooked up with a waitress.
7678,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Oh.
7679,25,2,3,Ted: Oh?
7680,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: I mean, oh! Oh! Ooh! We're going to have a serious talk about this when we get home, Al. Oh, ooh!"
7681,25,2,3,"Ted: Serious talk? Mom, what...? He was kissing another woman. Don't you care?"
7682,25,2,3,Robin: Mrs. Mosby?
7683,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Ted, we weren't quite sure how to tell you this..."
7684,25,2,3,Ted's father: Your mother and I are divorced.
7685,25,2,3,Ted: What do you mean you're divorced? Since when?
7686,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Oh, gosh, it's been about nine months now."
7687,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Closer to ten, I think."
7688,25,2,3,Ted's mother: Time flies.
7689,25,2,3,"Ted: So ten months ago, you just up and decided to get divorced without telling me?"
7690,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: No, it wasn't a snap decision."
7691,25,2,3,Ted's father: We'd been separated almost two years.
7692,25,2,3,Ted: How could you not tell me this?!
7693,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: We meant to, it just never seemed like the right time."
7694,25,2,3,Ted: So last Christmas...?
7695,25,2,3,"Ted's father: We talked about telling you kids then, but it didn't seem very Christmasy."
7696,25,2,3,Ted: I got you a tandem bike.
7697,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Oh, it didn't go to waste. Your mother and Frank ride it all the time."
7698,25,2,3,Ted: Who the hell is Frank?!
7699,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Oh, great guy. I actually set them up. You remember Dr. Muchnik. He did your braces."
7700,25,2,3,"Ted: Okay, my head's about to explode, and I don't want to get it all over everyone's waffles, so I am leaving. (He leaves, following by his parents and Robin)"
7701,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Teddy bear, oh..."
7702,25,2,3,"Barney: You know, he mentioned he was divorced last night. I totally spaced on that. Ooh, no line at the omelet station."
7703,25,2,3,Marshall: Lily... I'm sorry that I said all those things.
7704,25,2,3,"Lily: Me, too."
7705,25,2,3,Marshall: I just find it really confusing to be around you right now.
7706,25,2,3,Lily: It's the same for me. I think we're probably both better off trying to keep some distance for a while.
7707,25,2,3,"Marshall: Yeah, I think you're right. Are you wearing a push-up bra?"
7708,25,2,3,Lily: Did you Mystic Tan your calves?
7709,25,2,3,Marshall: I withdraw the question.
7710,25,2,3,Outside.Ted's father: We're sorry we didn't say anything about the divorce.
7711,25,2,3,Ted's mother: It was wrong not to tell you.
7712,25,2,3,Ted: Thank you.
7713,25,2,3,"Ted's father: But listen, don't tell your sister."
7714,25,2,3,Ted's mother: It would just upset her.
7715,25,2,3,"Ted: No, this is ridiculous! We have to start talking about stuff, and not just baseball."
7716,25,2,3,Ted's father: Indians won today on a walk-off double.
7717,25,2,3,"Ted: Against the Red Sox? Boy, that's a big win. No. No. No. We're not gonna blow past this. I mean, I don't even know who you people. I don't even know how you met."
7718,25,2,3,Ted's father: I never told you how I met your mother?
7719,25,2,3,Ted: No.
7720,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Oh, great story. At a bar."
7721,25,2,3,"Ted: That's it? That's what passes for communication in our family? Man, when I have kids, and I tell them how I met their mother, I'm gonna tell them everything, the whole damn story."
7722,25,2,3,Ted's father: I think it was an Irish bar.
7723,25,2,3,"Ted: I just, I don't... I don't understand. You seemed so happy. When I was growing up, you seemed so... What happened?"
7724,25,2,3,Ted's father: We just realized we're very different people.
7725,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: Your father's kind of a head-in-the-clouds romantic, and I'm much more down to earth."
7726,25,2,3,Ted: So? Robin and I are like that. That doesn't mean anything.
7727,25,2,3,Ted's father: I wanted kids. And your mother... also wanted kids.
7728,25,2,3,Ted: Robin and I have different views on families. We're not about to break up because of it.
7729,25,2,3,"Ted's mother: On some level, I always knew. I didn't even want to go out with him in the beginning. But he spent months badgering me until I finally gave in."
7730,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Well, when you don't connect on that many fundamental levels, it's only a matter of time before you realize you're not meant to be together."
7731,25,2,3,Ted's mother: But we love Robin.
7732,25,2,3,"Ted's father: Absolutely. Meeting you was the highlight of my trip. Well, second highlight."
7733,25,2,3,Ted's mother: We'll see you inside.
7734,25,2,3,Ted's father: Sorry.
7735,25,2,3,Robin: Wow.
7736,25,2,3,Ted: I know.
7737,25,2,3,Robin: They love me!
7738,25,2,3,"Back inside, later.Ted's mother: So we are definitely going to try and communicate more."
7739,25,2,3,"Ted's father: From now on, full disclosure."
7740,25,2,3,"Ted: Good. Good, I think it'll be really good for the family. By the way, how's Grandma? She hasn't returned my last couple calls."
7741,25,2,3,Ted's mother: I'm gonna get some juice.
7742,25,2,3,Ted: No. No.
7743,26,2,4,"Ted from 2030: Kids, sometimes your relationship goes so smoothly for so long that you think it will be that way forever. It never is."
7744,26,2,4,"At MacLaren's, Ted arrives."
7745,26,2,4,"Ted: Well, we just had our first fight."
7746,26,2,4,Robin joins Lily at a chiroposdist's place.
7747,26,2,4,Robin: We had our first fight.
7748,26,2,4,MacLaren's.
7749,26,2,4,"Barney: Oh, no, what'd you fight about? (He puts his headphones on)."
7750,26,2,4,"Ted: A few months ago, my architecture firm was approached to design this new building..."
7751,26,2,4,Chiroposdist's place.
7752,26,2,4,Robin: It's this big skyscraper in Spokane. It'd be a huge project for his firm.
7753,26,2,4,MacLaren's.
7754,26,2,4,"Ted: And if we don't get it, we could go under."
7755,26,2,4,Chiropodist's place.
7756,26,2,4,"Robin: So anyway, the head architect unveils his new design to the whole company."
7757,26,2,4,"(At Ted's office, the head architect unveils his new design, everybody applauses except for Ted.)"
7758,26,2,4,MacLaren's.
7759,26,2,4,Both Marshall and Barney: No.
7760,26,2,4,Ted: Yes.
7761,26,2,4,"Marshall: Well, all skyscrapers kind of look like a..."
7762,26,2,4,"Ted: Marshall, it's a 78-story pink marble tower with a rounded top and two spherical entryways at the front."
7763,26,2,4,"Marshall: Wow, so it's the whole package."
7764,26,2,4,"Barney: Yeah, you did."
7765,26,2,4,Marshall: Had to.
7766,26,2,4,"Barney: Oh, dude, if they're selling condos, you got to get me in. And don't give me the shaft."
7767,26,2,4,"Marshall: Yeah, you did."
7768,26,2,4,Barney: Had to.
7769,26,2,4,"Ted: It's a travesty. It's gonna define the skyline of the city. If it was me, I could've designed something amazing. Instead, I'm spending 12 hours a day designing the cornices."
7770,26,2,4,"Marshall: Yeah, you did."
7771,26,2,4,Ted: That wasn't one.
7772,26,2,4,CREDIT TITLES
7773,26,2,4,At the chiroposdist's.
7774,26,2,4,"Lily: So you and Ted had your first fight. It obviously ended well. I mean, you're here with me."
7775,26,2,4,"Robin: Actually, it didn't end at all. I started getting bummed out, so I came here. It's what I do. When my grandma died, I got a perm."
7776,26,2,4,"Lily: Ooh, two tragedies in one day."
7777,26,2,4,"Robin: The thing is, Ted has been literally complaining about work nonstop for weeks. So, when I came over today, I was kind of done."
7778,26,2,4,"[FLASHBACK, at the apartment]"
7779,26,2,4,Ted: Hey.
7780,26,2,4,Robin: Hey.
7781,26,2,4,Ted: How was your day?
7782,26,2,4,Robin: Good.
7783,26,2,4,"Ted: Wow, you're a great interviewer. Aren't you gonna ask how my day was?"
7784,26,2,4,"Robin: No, I know how it was. It was awful. Ooh, you want to rent a movie tonight?"
7785,26,2,4,"Ted: You know, um... I listen to your work stories all the time."
7786,26,2,4,"Robin: Yeah, but... and I don't want to be rude here, but my work stories are interesting. I'm a television news reporter."
7787,26,2,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7788,26,2,4,Lily: Robin!
7789,26,2,4,Robin: What? I knew exactly what he was going to say. I was just helping him get there faster.
7790,26,2,4,Lily: You should work at a suicide hotline.
7791,26,2,4,Robin: And then it got ugly.
7792,26,2,4,[FLASHBACK]
7793,26,2,4,"Robin: What I don't do is tell you the same story over and over again. I mean, you wouldn't watch the same movie over and over again, would you? Maybe a great movie like Die Hard. But Field of Dreams? Once is more than enough."
7794,26,2,4,"(At MacLaren's, Marshall and Barney make a face.)"
7795,26,2,4,Ted: So that's your go-to bad movie? The number one example on the tip of your tongue of a bad movie is Field of Dreams?
7796,26,2,4,Robin: It's about ghost baseball players. I think it's stupid.
7797,26,2,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7798,26,2,4,"Robin: So, now he's all mad at me about the stupid movie."
7799,26,2,4,"Lily: Robin, he's upset because you wouldn't listen to him, not because you didn't like some movie."
7800,26,2,4,At MacLaren's.
7801,26,2,4,Ted: How do you not like Field of Dreams?!
7802,26,2,4,At the chiropodist's.
7803,26,2,4,"Lily: Listening is the foundation of a relationship. And if he's really droning on, you can always practice saying the alphabet backwards. You know, in case you get pulled over for a DUI."
7804,26,2,4,Robin: I guess I don't know how to do that.
7805,26,2,4,"Lily: Yeah, it's really hard, even when you're sober. That's what I tried to explain to the cop."
7806,26,2,4,"Robin: No, I mean, I guess I don't know how to do this girlfriend thing. I've never been in a relationship this serious before. I should probably go tell him I'm sorry, shouldn't I? You're trying to do it right now, aren't you?"
7807,26,2,4,"Lily: What the hell comes before ""Q""?"
7808,26,2,4,At MacLaren's.
7809,26,2,4,"Ted: Then at the end of the movie when he has a catch with his dad, like... Like he never did when he was young enough for it to matter."
7810,26,2,4,Barney (brokenly): Can we talk about something else?
7811,26,2,4,"Marshall: You know what, dude? Forget about Robin, okay? You're hanging with us tonight. I've got an awome party lined up."
7812,26,2,4,"Barney: Oh, God! This gonna be another one of your weird all-guy parties?"
7813,26,2,4,"Marshall: That was a poker game. What is wrong with you? No, it's the first law school party of the year and it's gonna be awesome. I haven't seen this guys since, like, last year before Lily and I broke up. So I'm gonna have to break the news to everybody. It's really gonna bum them out. This party's gonna suck."
7814,26,2,4,"Barney: Well, love to join you at that one. But I got tickets to Foxy Boxing."
7815,26,2,4,"Ted: I wish I could join you guys, but I got to get back to my apparently boring job."
7816,26,2,4,Marshall: Your job's not boring.
7817,26,2,4,Ted: Robin thinks so.
7818,26,2,4,"Barney: Dude, lots of chicks think architects are hot. Think about it, you create something out of nothing. You're like God. There's nobody hotter than God."
7819,26,2,4,Ted: I love it when you quote Scripture.
7820,26,2,4,"Barney: I'm telling you, you should use the architect angle with the ladies."
7821,26,2,4,"Ted: Okay, first of all, I have a girlfriend. Second, the architect angle doesn't even work on her. And, third, I can't imagine that working on anyone ever."
7822,26,2,4,"Barney: That's 'cause you're always like... (Dully) ""Ted Mosby, architect"". If it were me, I'd be like... (Confidently) ""Ted Mosby, architect"". Anything sounds impressive when it's said with the right attitude."
7823,26,2,4,"Marshall (suavely): Marshall Ericksen. Recently dumped and heading to a lame party. Whoa. Whoa, ladies, please take it easy. There's enough of me for everyone. Oh. Hi. Hello. All right. We're gonna take off.."
7824,26,2,4,"Barney: Wait up, I'll leave with you guys. ""Ted Mosby, architect"". Trust me."
7825,26,2,4,(Barney and marshall leave. Ted starts leaving and suddenly walk to a girl)
7826,26,2,4,"Ted: Hey, just out of curiosity. If a guy told you he was an architect, what would you think of that?"
7827,26,2,4,Girl: Are you kidding? Architects are hot. How do you think Mr. Brady scored a babe like Carol?
7828,26,2,4,Ted: Solid point. She did have hair of gold.
7829,26,2,4,"Girl: Yes, she did."
7830,26,2,4,Ted: Mm-hmm.
7831,26,2,4,"Later, Robin and Lily arrive at MacLaren's."
7832,26,2,4,"Robin: Hey, Carl, is Ted still here?"
7833,26,2,4,"Carl: No. Hey, Lily. You still single?"
7834,26,2,4,Lily: Yes.
7835,26,2,4,Carl: You know... I've poured a lot of free drinks for you over the years. A lot.
7836,26,2,4,"Lily: Carl, do you really want to be with a woman who would trade s*x for beer?"
7837,26,2,4,Carl: Only if you're into it. It's on me.
7838,26,2,4,Lily: Thanks.
7839,26,2,4,Robin: I wonder where Ted went.
7840,26,2,4,"A girl: Ted Mosby, the architect?"
7841,26,2,4,"Robin: Actually, yeah. Oh, he is such a cool guy. He was here earlier."
7842,26,2,4,"[FLASHBACK. The girl, the one whose Ted was talking to earlier and Ted]"
7843,26,2,4,Girl 1: And what made you decide you wanted to become an architect?
7844,26,2,4,"Ted: Well, you know, soul of an artist, hands of a master craftsman. It was inevitable, I guess."
7845,26,2,4,"Girl 1: I bet you can draw, can't you? You should draw me."
7846,26,2,4,"Ted: Well, I could try, but you might end up looking like a midcentury tri-level. Hey, if you want, my friend Marshall invited me to this party we could all go to. Marshall's great. He's just a lawyer, but somebody has to push the paper around for us creative types. Am I right?"
7847,26,2,4,Girls: Yeah.
7848,26,2,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7849,26,2,4,"Lily: He asked her to a party. Oh, my God, are you okay?"
7850,26,2,4,"Robin: Okay? It's awesome. It's a win-win. Ted got to vent and I don't have to hear it. Maybe after he's done with the talkie-talk, he'll come over and I'll get the fun part."
7851,26,2,4,"Lily: What is wrong with you? God, I feel like I'm teaching love as a second language here. Okay, you know how when he tells you boring work stories you're supposed to listen? Well, when he picks up some random girl at a bar, you're supposed to freak out."
7852,26,2,4,"Robin: I'm not freaking out because in my mind, she's fat."
7853,26,2,4,Girl: She's a kickboxing instructor. Her ass looks better than my face.
7854,26,2,4,"Robin: All right, we'll swing by the party."
7855,26,2,4,"Ted from 2030: Now the party was for some of Marshall's classmates from Columbia Law School, who by day were some of the sharpest and most serious young legal minds in the country. By night, however..."
7856,26,2,4,At the party.
7857,26,2,4,"Robin: Damn, these are some drunk almost-lawyers."
7858,26,2,4,Guy 1: Okay! Seriously... Who wants to shave my ass?!
7859,26,2,4,Ted from 2030: That guy went on to become a Supreme Court justice.
7860,26,2,4,"Lily: Okay, where are the guys and the hooker?"
7861,26,2,4,"Guy 2: Yo, what's up, ladies? Welcome to the party. Yeah! Just need you to sign this release protecting the host from any and all responsibility should you harm yourself or a third party. Then freakin' rage! Yeah!"
7862,26,2,4,"Robin: Hey, drunk legal dude, um... Have you seen Marshall Ericksen? He was with a guy named Ted."
7863,26,2,4,"Guy 2: You mean Ted Mosby, the architect? Man, what a visionary. Yeah, they were here."
7864,26,2,4,[FLASHBACK]
7865,26,2,4,"Ted: Awards are nice, they look good on my shelf. But none of that acclaim means anything compared to the joy of seeing the sun rise over your first building."
7866,26,2,4,Girl: Wow. I would love to watch the sun rise with you.
7867,26,2,4,Ted: I know you would. It's the job.
7868,26,2,4,Guy 2 (to guy 1): Dude. You should let us shave your ass tonight.
7869,26,2,4,Guy 1: No way.
7870,26,2,4,"Girl 2: Hey, Marshall, where's Lily?"
7871,26,2,4,"Marshall: I didn't want to ruin the party for everybody this early, but, uh... everyone take a seat. Um... Lily actually called off the wedding this summer to go to San Francisco. So... We're broken up."
7872,26,2,4,"Guy 2: Her name wasn't on your lease, was it? 'Cause if not, New York state law, you're not obligated to give her half the deposit when you move."
7873,26,2,4,"Marshall: Yeah, that's not really the part I was worried about, guys."
7874,26,2,4,"Girl 2: And don't forget the precedent set by Smith v. Rosenblatt, '74. Any personal effects she left in your house or dwelling become yours after 30 days."
7875,26,2,4,"Marshall: Guys, can we cease and desist with the lawyer speak for a minute? Love died. The love that made you all believe in love, that's dead now."
7876,26,2,4,Girl 2: You should sue her.
7877,26,2,4,"Marshall: Uh, really? On what ground, Kara?"
7878,26,2,4,Kara: On the grounds of... shut up.
7879,26,2,4,Ted from 2030: That's our Attorney General.
7880,26,2,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7881,26,2,4,Lily: See? Marshall's still hung up on our breakup. Why? Because I listened to him. It was a strong and nurturing relationship that I threw away like old gum.
7882,26,2,4,"Robin: Not that I'm worried or anything, but, um, back to the sun rising over Ted and, uh... Oh, what tasteful way did you describe her?"
7883,26,2,4,Guy 2: The girl with the smackable ass.
7884,26,2,4,"Robin: Yes, that's the young lady."
7885,26,2,4,[FLASHBACK]
7886,26,2,4,"Girl: So, I know the bouncer at this techno club, Posers. Do you feel like dancing?"
7887,26,2,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7888,26,2,4,"Robin: Yeah, okay. There is no way Ted went dancing. Ted hates clubs."
7889,26,2,4,[FLASHBACK]
7890,26,2,4,"Ted: Hell, yeah. I love clubs. I mean, I was going to design a cathedral tonight, kind of take a whack at the whole relationship between God and man conundrum. But sure, let's go dancing."
7891,26,2,4,Girl: Yay!
7892,26,2,4,"Ted: Wait, let me just check with my friend."
7893,26,2,4,Girl: Okay.
7894,26,2,4,"Ted: Hey, Marshall. You up for some super loud, repetitive music that hasn't changed since the mid-90s?"
7895,26,2,4,Marshall: Um... only always.
7896,26,2,4,Ted: Let's go.
7897,26,2,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7898,26,2,4,"Robin: Dancing? He went dancing with this girl? Okay, maybe this is a little bad. Dancing is bad. Dancing leads to s*x."
7899,26,2,4,Lily: Did you grow up in that Footloose town?
7900,26,2,4,"Robin: I'm calling him. I'm telling him that I was wrong and I'm sorry, and I totally want to listen to his stupid stories."
7901,26,2,4,"Lily: Yeah, think of another way to phrase that and you'll be fine."
7902,26,2,4,Robin: He's not answering. Calling Marshall.
7903,26,2,4,
7904,26,2,4,"(In a club, Marshall picks up his phone.)"
7905,26,2,4,Marshall: Hello.
7906,26,2,4,"Robin: Marshall, hi, it's Robin. Can I talk to Ted?"
7907,26,2,4,"Marshall: Oh, Robin, hi. Um, no, Ted's not here tonight. He's, uh... he's working."
7908,26,2,4,"Robin: Uh, okay. Bye. (She hangs up) Marshall just lied. Ted's cheating on me."
7909,26,2,4,In front of a club.
7910,26,2,4,"Robin: Excuse me. I'm looking for a couple guys who came in here earlier. One's about six-four, 210, sandy brown hair. And the other's a cheating b*st*rd."
7911,26,2,4,Bouncer: You're going to need to refresh my memory.
7912,26,2,4,"Lily: Okay, fella. Baby knows how this game's played. How's a $20 help your memory?"
7913,26,2,4,"Bouncer: Thanks, but seriously, it was crazy tonight. You really do need to refresh my memory."
7914,26,2,4,Lily: Then can I have the...? That's cool. You keep that.
7915,26,2,4,Robin: So these guys... One of them's an architect.
7916,26,2,4,"Bouncer: Ted Mosby, the architect?"
7917,26,2,4,Robin: That's the one.
7918,26,2,4,"Bouncer: Oh, yeah, he was here."
7919,26,2,4,[FLASHBACK]
7920,26,2,4,"Ted: And then I was all, ""No, Frank Gehry, you're on your own this time."" And that, my dear, was the end of that hack's career."
7921,26,2,4,Girl: I live across the street.
7922,26,2,4,Ted: That is one hell of a non sequitur.
7923,26,2,4,Girl: You want to come over?
7924,26,2,4,"Ted: Well, I don't know. But I suppose I should at least give you a ride home. Hop on. (The girl jumps on Ted's back)"
7925,26,2,4,"Girl (to the bouncer): I'll see you at book club, Vinny."
7926,26,2,4,Bouncer: Yeah. I'll be bringing the crudités.
7927,26,2,4,Girl: Nice. Giddy up!
7928,26,2,4,"Marshall: Dude, dude, what are you doing?"
7929,26,2,4,Ted: Galloping.
7930,26,2,4,"Marshall: You proved it, all right? The whole ""Ted Mosby, architect"" things works."
7931,26,2,4,Girl: Architects rule! Whoo-hee!
7932,26,2,4,"Marshall: Aren't you a little worried that a certain somebody might find out that you're doing this? This isn't you, Ted."
7933,26,2,4,Ted: It is tonight. Whoo!
7934,26,2,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7935,26,2,4,Robin: You know this girl. Where does she live?
7936,26,2,4,Bouncer: I'm not telling you that for less than 20 bucks.
7937,26,2,4,"Lily: Well, I'm out of money."
7938,26,2,4,"Robin: I'm cashed, too."
7939,26,2,4,Bouncer: I'll take your purse.
7940,26,2,4,Robin: My purse?
7941,26,2,4,"Bouncer: Yeah, my girl likes clutches."
7942,26,2,4,"Robin: Okay, fine."
7943,26,2,4,Lily: You should tell her that looks really good with a chocolate boot.
7944,26,2,4,Robin: Bitch is lucky I brought my small purse. No room for my gun. Here. Now where does the rodeo slut live?
7945,26,2,4,"Bouncer: The building with the green light, apartment 3-C."
7946,26,2,4,"Lily: Oh, my God, Robin, are you going to kick this girl's ass?"
7947,26,2,4,Robin: Yeah... And steal her purse.
7948,26,2,4,In a building.
7949,26,2,4,"Robin: I can't believe he's cheating on me. You know how many times I could have cheated? Six... no seven. And you know two of them, and they would surprise you."
7950,26,2,4,"Lily: 3-C, let's do this. You ready?"
7951,26,2,4,Robin: Should I just kick the door in?
7952,26,2,4,"Lily: Those are really nice heels and you already lost the purse. Let's see if it's unlocked. It's unlocked. Okay, get in there and kick some spankable ass. Robin?"
7953,26,2,4,Robin: I'm the problem.
7954,26,2,4,Lily: What?
7955,26,2,4,Robin: You were right. I don't know how to be a girlfriend. I took the nicest guy in the world and I made him a cheater.
7956,26,2,4,"Lily: Well, don't stand out here and beat yourself up. Get in there and beat Ted up. I'll handle the slutty kickboxer. Actually, I'll take Ted."
7957,26,2,4,Robin: Let's do this.
7958,26,2,4,Lily: Bring it. (They come in)
7959,26,2,4,Robin: What do you think you're...? Barney?
7960,26,2,4,Barney (tied up to the bed): Thank God you're here. Can you help with this? I need nails.
7961,26,2,4,"Robin: Okay, I'm totally lost here. Where's Ted?"
7962,26,2,4,Barney: Ted? He's at work.
7963,26,2,4,Robin: How did you get here?
7964,26,2,4,Barney: Awesome story. As per usual.
7965,26,2,4,[FLASHBACK. At MacLaren's]
7966,26,2,4,Girl: How do you think Mr. Brady scored a babe like Carol?
7967,26,2,4,Ted: Solid point. And she did have hair of gold.
7968,26,2,4,"Girl: Yes, she did."
7969,26,2,4,"Barney (coming back in the bar): Sorry, I forgot my binocs for Foxy Boxing. Whoo, looks like things just got a little foxier right here."
7970,26,2,4,"Ted: Yes, they did. And you're just in time. Girls, I got to go, but I'm leaving you in very good, if slightly sullied hands."
7971,26,2,4,Girl: Don't go. We don't even know your name to look out for your buildings.
7972,26,2,4,"Barney: Yeah, stay (mouthing ""go"")"
7973,26,2,4,"Ted: Excuse us for one second. (To Barney) Okay, you were right - the architect thing totally works. But I've got a girlfriend and I've got to get back to work. This project is getting harder and harder."
7974,26,2,4,"Barney: Yeah, you did."
7975,26,2,4,"Ted: Yeah, had to. See ya. (He leaves)"
7976,26,2,4,"Barney (to the girl): Sorry, my, uh... intern had to leave."
7977,26,2,4,"Girl: Oh, well, that's too bad. I'm Anna, by the way."
7978,26,2,4,Barney: Ted Mosby... Architect.
7979,26,2,4,(At the party)
7980,26,2,4,Barney: But none of that acclaim means anything compared to the joy of seeing the sun rise over your first building.
7981,26,2,4,(In front of the club)
7982,26,2,4,"Anna: Giddy-up, giddy-up, giddy-up!"
7983,26,2,4,"Marshall: Dude, dude, what are you doing?"
7984,26,2,4,Barney: Galloping.
7985,26,2,4,"Marshall: All right, you proved it. The whole ""Ted Mosby, architect"" thing works."
7986,26,2,4,Anna: Architects rule! Whoo-hoo.
7987,26,2,4,"Marshall: Aren't you afraid a certain somebody might find out about this? I mean, this isn't you, Ted."
7988,26,2,4,Barney: It is tonight.
7989,26,2,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
7990,26,2,4,"Barney: And that led to a couple of hours that I cannot, as a gentleman, divulge to you. We did it right here, and here and here."
7991,26,2,4,Robin: But why would you use Ted's name?
7992,26,2,4,"Barney: I've had some recent bad press on the World Wide Web. So I'm taking a T.O. on the whole ""using my real name"" thing."
7993,26,2,4,"Lily: Oh, this is great. It wasn't Ted. Everything's okay."
7994,26,2,4,Robin: Everything isn't okay. Look at me. I'm acting crazy and jealous and paranoid.
7995,26,2,4,Lily: This is how people act in relationships.
7996,26,2,4,Robin: And that's why I avoid relationships.
7997,26,2,4,"Lily: Well, guess what, I haven't been crazy or jealous or paranoid in months, and I really miss it."
7998,26,2,4,"Barney: And thus ended this chapter of, ""Let's pour our hearts out in the bedroom of Barney's one-night stand."" Come on, let's go before she gets out of the shower."
7999,26,2,4,Robin: You're such a pig. You're not even going to say good-bye?
8000,26,2,4,"Barney: I'll have you know I composed a lovely form letter for use in just such an occasion. Just fill out her name and then... Something with a ""A."" A... A... I'll just put ""resident."" Go, go, go, go."
8001,26,2,4,Ted from 2030: Robin took a long walk that night. She thought about how opening yourself up to another person usually means opening yourself up to going a little crazy. She thought about how much easier it was just to be alone. And then she came to see me.
8002,26,2,4,Ted's office.
8003,26,2,4,Robin: Hey.
8004,26,2,4,Ted: Hey. What are you doing here?
8005,26,2,4,"Robin: I brought donuts. And I don't want to brag, but they're filled with jelly."
8006,26,2,4,"Ted: Thanks. So, uh... how was your night?"
8007,26,2,4,Robin: It was... fine. Nothing exciting. How was yours?
8008,26,2,4,Ted: You really want to hear about boring architect stuff?
8009,26,2,4,"Robin: Yes, I do. I'm sorry about earlier. To tell you the truth, I never even saw all of Field of Dreams. I fell asleep half way through."
8010,26,2,4,Ted: What? The best part's the last 20 minutes.
8011,26,2,4,"Robin: Well, maybe they should have moved that part up a little bit earlier, 'cause... You know what, um... What I'm trying to say is... I love being the person you bitch to. So how was your day, Mr. Architect?"
8012,26,2,4,"Ted: Oh, I like the way you say that. Hey, you want to see the building that will make every man in Spokane feel inadequate?"
8013,26,2,4,Robin: Obviously. Wow.
8014,26,2,4,Ted: Yes.
8015,26,2,4,"Robin: You know, you didn't mention all the foliage around the base. If you trim that back, the rest would look bigger."
8016,26,2,4,"Ted: You don't have to tell me. And, um... just for fun, I've... I've sort of been working on my own idea of what I think the building should be. What do you think?"
8017,26,2,4,Ted from 2030: You know that time we went to Spokane and I pointed out that skyscraper? That was the first building I ever designed. And that night was the first time I showed anyone my first drawing of it.
8018,26,2,4,"Robin: Wow. Ted, this is amazing."
8019,26,2,4,Ted: Thanks. It's not like it will ever come to anything.
8020,26,2,4,"Robin: I don't know. It might come to something. You know, girls find architects very hot. (They kiss)"
8021,26,2,4,"Ted: Okay, but I don't want you expecting 78 storeys or anything. (They kiss again)"
8022,26,2,4,"Anna's apartment. Anna's reading the letter Barney left.Barney's voice: ""Dear Resident... The time we spent together, however long it was, meant the world to me. I would love to see you again, but unfortunately, I cannot. You see, I am a ghost. I can't only materialize once every decade on the anniversary of my death. I chose to spend my one day among the living with you, sweet... Resident. Perhaps we will meet again in another decade, provided you keep your figure. Until then, all my love from the beyond. Barney."""
8023,27,2,5,"Ted (from 2030): Your Uncle Barney was always a bit of an enigma. In all the years we lived in new york, none of us had ever set foot in his apartment. Until one day, one of us did."
8024,27,2,5,"In Barney's bed, Lily and Barney wake up."
8025,27,2,5,Barney: Aaaaaaah!
8026,27,2,5,Lily: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
8027,27,2,5,"Ted (from 2030): It's a pretty good story. And believe it or not, alcohol did not play a role. It all started two weeks earlier at Lily's housewarming."
8028,27,2,5,Lily's apartment.
8029,27,2,5,Lily: Welcome to my new home.
8030,27,2,5,"Ted: Oh, wow, Lily, this is... Oh, this is all of it."
8031,27,2,5,"Lily: Yeah,I know it's small, but it's got character. Thank you. And I am learning Lithuanian from my neighbors. They're great. They're always out there in the hall, you know, cooking and gambling and giving each other haircuts. It's nice."
8032,27,2,5,"Ted: Hey,is that a toilet in your kitchen?"
8033,27,2,5,Robin: Or a stove in your bathroom?
8034,27,2,5,"Lily: Oh, that's not just a stove. That's a stovenkerator: a combination of a stove, oven and sink and refrigerator. Stovenkerator. Isn't that futuristic?"
8035,27,2,5,"Ted: God,I hope not. Hey, cool murphy bed."
8036,27,2,5,"Lily: It's kind of a mess. I didn't make my bed this morning, so..."
8037,27,2,5,Robin: Oh! You know what? I bet sleeping at this angle is good for you. For some reason.
8038,27,2,5,"Ted: Hold on, I got it."
8039,27,2,5,(A man's voice speaking Lithuanian is heard)
8040,27,2,5,"Lily: That was ""something, something, I am going to something you like a something donkey."
8041,27,2,5,Robin: Uh. Other cultures!
8042,27,2,5,"Lily: Hey, let's break out the fruit basket. Hey, who ate all the...? (Mouse squeaking) Aaaaaah!"
8043,27,2,5,CREDIT TITLES
8044,27,2,5,At MacLaren's.
8045,27,2,5,"Ted: Okay, we have to get Lily out of that apartment. Her roommate is a raccoon."
8046,27,2,5,"Robin: I'd offer her my place, but I've got dogs and she's allergic."
8047,27,2,5,Ted: Dogs? I live with her ex-boyfriend. I think she's a little more allergic to that.
8048,27,2,5,"Robin: What about your place, Barney? I know it's shrouded in mystery, but it's gotta have a couch."
8049,27,2,5,Barney: The fortress of barnitude? No way.
8050,27,2,5,Robin: Come on. She's desperate.
8051,27,2,5,"Barney: Hmm, normally a prerequisite for the women I bring home, but... pass."
8052,27,2,5,"Marshall (arriving): One of you guys is very, very lucky because I have... A boom! An extra ticket to the Alanis Morissette concert. Who's in?"
8053,27,2,5,Robin: Absolutely not.
8054,27,2,5,Ted: No.
8055,27,2,5,"Marshall: Damn! I got these tickets like months ago for me and Lily and now I can't find anyone to go with me. This is what I miss about being in a couple. I always had someone to go to concerts with, or farmer's market, or brunch. God, I miss brunch!"
8056,27,2,5,"Ted: Well, I guess you could - well, you could try going to brunch alone."
8057,27,2,5,"Marshall: Oh, you don't think I've tried?"
8058,27,2,5,[FLASHBACK]
8059,27,2,5,Marshall: Table for one.
8060,27,2,5,Head waiter: One... Couple?
8061,27,2,5,"Marshall: Um, no, just me."
8062,27,2,5,Head waiter: Really? For brunch?
8063,27,2,5,Marshall: You're right. Who am I kidding?
8064,27,2,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8065,27,2,5,"Robin: Oh, the Popover Pantry! That place is great. Can we go get brunch tomorrow?"
8066,27,2,5,"Ted: Of course, sweetie."
8067,27,2,5,Marshall: Can I go with you guys?
8068,27,2,5,Ted: Really? For brunch?
8069,27,2,5,"Marshall: God, I hate being single!"
8070,27,2,5,"At Barney's apartment.Barney (on the phone): Okay,I'll take the over on the Pittsburgh game. Oh and P. to the S., I never got my payout from Seattle from two weeks ago. Yeah. Don't make me call the gaming commission on you. I'm sure they'd be very interested to know what's going on over there. All right? All right? Okay, I love you too Mom. Take care. (He hangs up) Hello Lily. You've somehow managed to circumvent my security. How did you do it?"
8071,27,2,5,Lily: Ted gave me your spare key.
8072,27,2,5,Ted: Spare key! Brilliant!
8073,27,2,5,"Lily: I'm sorry,but you know I'd only come here if I had no other choice. But earlier today, I was getting ready to go to sleep and..."
8074,27,2,5,[FLASHBACK. Lily tries to spread out her bed and the wall collapses]Lily (to her Lithuanian neighbor): Sveikas (=Hello)
8075,27,2,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8076,27,2,5,"Barney: That's terrible. Well, see ya."
8077,27,2,5,"Lily: Wait, can I stay here maybe?"
8078,27,2,5,"Barney: I'd let you, but I don't have any room."
8079,27,2,5,Lily: You live in a two-bedroom apartment. You have one room just for your suits.
8080,27,2,5,"Barney: Hey I'm at a point in my life where my suits are my family. Look around you Lily. You are in the heart of bachelor country, and as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. Now,you can try to apply for a s*x visa, but that only lasts 12 hours. 14 if you qualify for multiple entry."
8081,27,2,5,"Lily: Ewww!...Is something some lame, judgmental chick would say, but I say give me multiple high fives."
8082,27,2,5,"Barney: Wow, you really are desperate."
8083,27,2,5,Lily: I really am.
8084,27,2,5,"Barney: Oh okay, you can stay here for two days. But I only have one rule. You can't change anything."
8085,27,2,5,Lily: Why would I change anything? This place is... Perfect. Except for the fact that you don't have a TV.
8086,27,2,5,"Barney: See that wall? 300-inch flat-screen. They only sell them in Japan, but I know a guy. Had to ship it over in a tugboat like freakin' King Kong."
8087,27,2,5,Lily: It hurts my eyes.
8088,27,2,5,Barney: Yeah. That doesn't go away.
8089,27,2,5,"At the apartment, Marshall arrives."
8090,27,2,5,"Ted: Hey, where have you been?"
8091,27,2,5,Marshall: The Alanis Morissette concert.
8092,27,2,5,Ted: By yourself?
8093,27,2,5,"Marshall: No,actually I went with a friend from law school."
8094,27,2,5,"Robin: Oh,really? Who's this friend?"
8095,27,2,5,Marshall: Brad.
8096,27,2,5,[FLASHBACK. At MacLaren's]
8097,27,2,5,"Brad: Bro, Alanis Morissette rocks!"
8098,27,2,5,Marshall: Totally! I can't believe I almost didn't come tonight.
8099,27,2,5,Brad: Let me guess: you bought the tickets for you and Lily right before she dumped you.
8100,27,2,5,"Marshall: Yeah, how'd you know?"
8101,27,2,5,Brad: I just got dumped myself.
8102,27,2,5,"Marshall: What? Kara broke up with you? I'm sorry,man. That sucks. Brad,do you like brunch?"
8103,27,2,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8104,27,2,5,Ted: You invited him to brunch?
8105,27,2,5,"Marshall: Yeah, I invited him to brunch. Why? Is that weird?"
8106,27,2,5,"Ted: Yes. That's why I was all ""you invited him to brunch?"""
8107,27,2,5,Marshall: Why can't two guys who are friends go to brunch?
8108,27,2,5,Ted: Because brunch is kind of...
8109,27,2,5,Robin: Girly.
8110,27,2,5,Marshall: Girly? Breakfast isn't girly. Lunch isn't girly. What makes brunch girly?
8111,27,2,5,"Ted: I don't know. There's nothing girly about a horse, nothing girly about a horn, but put them together and you get a unicorn."
8112,27,2,5,"Marshall: I don't care what either of you say, I am going to the Popover Pantry with Brad. We're here. We're hungry. Get used to it, brunch."
8113,27,2,5,"At Barney's apartment, Lily cooks breakfast."
8114,27,2,5,"Barney: Uhm, smells delicious."
8115,27,2,5,"Lily: Thank you. There was no food in the fridge, so I picked up... (Barney puts the breakfast in the trash) What are you doing?"
8116,27,2,5,"Barney: Lily, what was the first rule again?"
8117,27,2,5,"Lily: ""Don't change anything""?"
8118,27,2,5,Barney: And what was the second rule?
8119,27,2,5,Lily: There was no second rule.
8120,27,2,5,Barney: Exactly! There was only one rule and you broke it.
8121,27,2,5,Lily: I bought groceries. That counts as changing something?
8122,27,2,5,"Barney: Lily, if I wanted a fridge full of groceries or fresh coffee in the morning, I'd be in a relationship. But I don't want to be in a relationship. That's why I make it crystal-clear to every girl that walks through that door that this is not a place to leave a toothbrush. This is not a place to leave a contact lens case. This is a place to leave. Come on, 'll give you a tour. Uh, no flash photography please. Bienvenido to the bedroom. Dig this: King-sized bed, full-sized blanket, one pillow. Everything about this bed says ""our work here is done."" Next we say bienvenue to the bathroom. What, only one towel? What, no hairdryer? You know where I keep that stuff? Your place. Beat it. And the coup de grâce... Yeah, that's right. Patent-pending. And wilkommen to the hallway. While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their p0rn..."
8123,27,2,5,Lily: Marshall doesn't have p0rn.
8124,27,2,5,"Barney: Aww, that's sweet. While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their p0rn, I had mine professionally lit. Girls see this, they can't get out of here fast enough."
8125,27,2,5,"Lily: And if that doesn't drive them away, there's always your life-sized storm-trooper."
8126,27,2,5,"Barney: No,that's just awesome. So you see, whenever a girl wakes up here, I never have to tell her to go build her nest somewhere else. My apartment does it for me."
8127,27,2,5,At Popover Pantry.
8128,27,2,5,"Marshall: God, I love brunch."
8129,27,2,5,"Brad: Oh, damn... The zucchini bread is ridonculous."
8130,27,2,5,"Marshall: This isn't weird, right?"
8131,27,2,5,"Brad: I sort of thought it might be, but it totally isn't. Oh and btw, you totally did not oversell the eggs benny."
8132,27,2,5,Marshall: Right? Right?
8133,27,2,5,"Brad: I mean, why can't two single bros go out and rock brunch Sunday morning-style?"
8134,27,2,5,"Marshall: Exactly. Thank you, that's exactly what I've been saying."
8135,27,2,5,Brad: This must be destiny.
8136,27,2,5,Marshall: What are you talking about?
8137,27,2,5,"Brad: I have two tickets for Mamma Mia! friday night. You like Abba, right? What am I saying?Who doesn't? Anyway, I was gonna take Kara, but now it's all you and me. We're gonna do Broadway, bro style. What do you say?"
8138,27,2,5,Marshall: Yeah!
8139,27,2,5,"At Barney's apartment, a girl watches him sleep."
8140,27,2,5,Barney: Hey. Did the cold wake you?
8141,27,2,5,"Girl: No,I've just been watching you sleep."
8142,27,2,5,"Barney: Oh,did you try and take a shower? I'm sorry, I only have one clean towel."
8143,27,2,5,Girl: I don't buy into the myth that we need to shower every day.
8144,27,2,5,"Barney: Okay. I'd offer you some coffee, but I don't have any, so you're gonna have to..."
8145,27,2,5,"Girl: I'm boycotting coffee. You may as well drink the tears of a colombian peasant farmer. God, I love this place. Good thing I don't have a job because I could stay here all day."
8146,27,2,5,"Barney: I think I left something on the bookshelf. Whoops. Oh, no, oh, look (he shows her his p0rn) Oh, I'm disgusting."
8147,27,2,5,"Girl: Wow, you're open about your sexuality and that's one of the reasons I love you. Did I just say that? Oh well. Cat's out of the bag. I love you."
8148,27,2,5,"Barney: Whoa, uh, okay. Beep beep. Backing up, um..."
8149,27,2,5,Lily (walking in): Barney... Oh!
8150,27,2,5,Girl: Oh my god! Are you married? Is this your wife?
8151,27,2,5,Barney: What? No. Yes!
8152,27,2,5,Girl: Yes?
8153,27,2,5,Barney: Yes.
8154,27,2,5,Girl: You son of a bitch! I can't believe I let you enter my sacred temple.
8155,27,2,5,"Barney: Come on, baby. please, no. You don't understand. What have I done? This is the worst. How could you...? (The girl is gone. To Lily) You're not going anywhere. Live claritin clear. Wow, that was close. That hippie chick wouldn't leave. She was ready to squat here."
8156,27,2,5,"Lily: Well, she'd have to with your spring-loaded toilet seat, wouldn't she?"
8157,27,2,5,Barney: She was freakishly immune to everything in my apartment... Except you. You're better than p0rn.
8158,27,2,5,Lily: Thank you.
8159,27,2,5,"Barney: How would you like to extend your stay here? All you'd have to do is pretend to be my wife, and scare off the occasional one-night stand. I know,I know. You've got your ethics. You've got your principles..."
8160,27,2,5,Lily: I'll do it.
8161,27,2,5,Barney: Really?
8162,27,2,5,"Lily: Barney,you've clearly got some serious mother issues that have left you the emotional equivalent of a scavenging sewer rat. But, in my other apartment, I would be living with an actual scavenging sewer rat, so you win."
8163,27,2,5,Barney: I'll take it.
8164,27,2,5,
8165,27,2,5,At MacLaren's:
8166,27,2,5,Ted: Mamma mia!?
8167,27,2,5,"Marshall: Mamma mia!. You know what? It's supposed to be a great musical, okay? It won all sorts of Tonies and stuff."
8168,27,2,5,"Ted: No, totally. It sounds like a really, really fun, exciting, third date."
8169,27,2,5,"Robin: Ooh, third date. You know what that means."
8170,27,2,5,"Marshall: It is not a date,okay. It's just two bros taking in a Broadway show."
8171,27,2,5,Ted: You bros going to get dinner beforehand?
8172,27,2,5,"Marshall: We might grab a steak, yeah."
8173,27,2,5,Ted: Where at?
8174,27,2,5,"Marshall: Café l'amour. (Ted and Robin laugh) Brad says the food is really good there, okay?"
8175,27,2,5,"Robin: Sounds like Brad's got quite the night planned out. You better bring your ""A"" game. That means no granny panties."
8176,27,2,5,"Marshall: All right, you know what? You two are just threatened because I'm a single guy moving in on your couples' stuff. Well, guess what? It's my territory now. I'm peeing all over brunches, fancy dinners and musicals. That's right. Brad and I are taking back Broadway."
8177,27,2,5,Ted: What are you going to wear?
8178,27,2,5,"Marshall: I was thinking like this collared shirt and these pin... (Ted and Robin laugh) Oh, you know what? Shut up."
8179,27,2,5,"At Barney's apartment, Barney takes breakfast with a girl."
8180,27,2,5,Barney: Can you pass the arts and leisure? (The girl does it. More loudly) Can you pass the arts and leisure?
8181,27,2,5,Girl: I just did.
8182,27,2,5,"Lily (walking in): Honey, I'm... Barney, what the hell is going on here?"
8183,27,2,5,"Barney: Lily, I can explain..."
8184,27,2,5,Lily: How could you? In our own home? (She slaps him) You b*st*rd!
8185,27,2,5,Girl: I'm so sorry. I-i didn't know he had...
8186,27,2,5,Lily: Just get out. This is what I get after I worked as a stripper for four years to put you through medical school? I got breast implants for you. I... (The girl is gone) I was just about to turn on the tears.
8187,27,2,5,Barney: Brava. That was incredible. And that slap was genius. You did not hold back.
8188,27,2,5,"Lily: Yeah, that I just always wanted to do."
8189,27,2,5,"Barney: Fair enough. I have to say, it's kind of nice having food around here for a change."
8190,27,2,5,"Lily: You know... Oh nah, never mind."
8191,27,2,5,Barney: What? You're my wife. You can tell me anything.
8192,27,2,5,"Lily: Well,if you really wanted to sell this ruse, we should try to make this place a little more... You know, homey. Like... Like a woman would actually live here."
8193,27,2,5,Barney: What did you have in mind?
8194,27,2,5,"(Barney and Lily redecorate the apartment, putting pillows on the couch, changing the living-room carpet, switching the storm-stooper for a plant, adding flowers on the kitchen counter and replacing the p0rn on the bookshelves by books)"
8195,27,2,5,At the apartment.
8196,27,2,5,"Ted: Hey,you're home. I didn't think we'd be seeing you until tomorrow morning."
8197,27,2,5,"Marshall: Ha,ha,ha,ha. It wasn't a date. Okay, it was a date and it got way weird."
8198,27,2,5,[FLASHBACK. At café l'amour.]
8199,27,2,5,"Marshall: Oh, you really don't have to do that."
8200,27,2,5,"Brad: No, I insist. You're my guest."
8201,27,2,5,"Marshall: Thanks, Brad."
8202,27,2,5,Brad: Bro. You got some chocolate on your chin. Still there. I'll get that bad boy. (He licks his serviette and cleans Marshall's chin)
8203,27,2,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8204,27,2,5,Ted: Woah!
8205,27,2,5,"Robin: Well, it could have been worse. It could have fallen in your lap."
8206,27,2,5,Marshall: It gets worse.
8207,27,2,5,"[FLASHBACK. At the restaurant, Brad helps Marshall with his coat.]"
8208,27,2,5,"Marshall: No, I can do it, Brad. Okay,thank you."
8209,27,2,5,"Brad: So anyway,ah,it's this Saturday. Do you want to come?"
8210,27,2,5,Marshall: You want me to go to a wedding with you?
8211,27,2,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8212,27,2,5,"Ted: Okay, that's not too bad. Two single guys on the prowl. It'll be like ""Wedding crashers""."
8213,27,2,5,Robin: Just keep Brad away from the bouquet.
8214,27,2,5,Marshall: It gets worse.
8215,27,2,5,[FLASHBACK]
8216,27,2,5,Brad: It gets better.The foliage in Vermont this time of year is ridonc.
8217,27,2,5,Marshall: Vermont?
8218,27,2,5,"Brad: Yeah,the wedding's at this awesome B&B. Kara and I used to go there. Anyway, there is one room left,and we got it. Walt Whitman Suite, bro."
8219,27,2,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8220,27,2,5,"Ted: You said no, right?"
8221,27,2,5,Marshall: Of course.
8222,27,2,5,[FLASHBACK]
8223,27,2,5,Brad: I understand. It's cool. It's the first time I was going to see my college friends since Kara left me. I just... I just miss her so much. (Brad starts sobbing)
8224,27,2,5,Marshall: I'll go to Vermont with you.
8225,27,2,5,"Brad: That's great! You know, uh, they're registered at Pottery Barn. I figure we could go halfsies on a gravy boat."
8226,27,2,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8227,27,2,5,(Ted and Robin laugh)
8228,27,2,5,Ted: I'm sorry. It's not funny anymore.
8229,27,2,5,"Marshall: Damn you,brunch! This guy's crazy, right?"
8230,27,2,5,"Ted: Look,I don't think he's crazy. I just think he's suffering from a severe case of girlfriend withdrawal. And unfortunately, you're his nicotine patch."
8231,27,2,5,Robin: And now you have to do what every dysfunctional couple has to do: Break up.
8232,27,2,5,"Marshall: You're right. You're right. I promised brad I would go to the wedding with him,and then that is it."
8233,27,2,5,Ted: Good man.
8234,27,2,5,"In Barney's bedroom, Lily and Barney put pillows on the bed."
8235,27,2,5,"Lily: Oh,I think we made the right decision going for the custom-made italian sheets."
8236,27,2,5,"Barney: Hey, if my bed's going suit up, it's going to do it right. Want to give it a whirl?"
8237,27,2,5,Lily (jumping on the bed): Oh. Ooooh!
8238,27,2,5,"Barney: All right, I'm going to head out, hit the bars. What are you going to do tonight?"
8239,27,2,5,"Lily: Oh, I was just going to watch ""Letterman"" but, God this bed is so comfy. I wish you had a TV in here. (Barney turns on a another wall-size TV) Okay, seriously, what do you do for a living?"
8240,27,2,5,Barney: Please. (He settles himself on the bed)
8241,27,2,5,Lily: I thought you were going out.
8242,27,2,5,Barney: Eh. After the monologue.
8243,27,2,5,"Ted (from 2030): The next morning, as the sun rose over Manhattan, your Uncle Marshall headed over to Brad's apartment to leave for the wedding in Vermont. But when he got there..."
8244,27,2,5,"(Brad waits on the sidewalk, holding flowers)"
8245,27,2,5,"Marshall: No. No... No. No! No! (On the phone) Ted. Um, Brad got me flowers."
8246,27,2,5,Ted: Hold on. (To Robin) Brad got him flowers. (They laugh) I'm sorry. It just got funny again. (Marshall hangs up)
8247,27,2,5,"Brad: Oh, hey..."
8248,27,2,5,"Marshall: No, Brad, uh, I don't want to hear it. I do like you. And calla lilies are my favorite flower. I don't know how you knew that. I guess you just get me, but this is not cool, man. I can't believe that you would..."
8249,27,2,5,(A girl arrives)
8250,27,2,5,"Girl: Hey,sweetie."
8251,27,2,5,Brad: Hey. (They kiss and Brad give her the flowers)
8252,27,2,5,"Girl: Aww. Hey, Marshall."
8253,27,2,5,"Marshall: Hi, Kara. So you guys,are like back together now?"
8254,27,2,5,"Brad: Yeah. Happened last night. Uh, I'm sorry, bro. I should have called you."
8255,27,2,5,"Marshall: Yeah, you should have."
8256,27,2,5,"Brad: Well, I didn't mean to hurt..."
8257,27,2,5,"Marshall: Don't, Brad. Just don't. (He leaves)"
8258,27,2,5,"Kara: Oh, what was with him?"
8259,27,2,5,Brad: I don't know. I think he's in love with me.
8260,27,2,5,"In Barney's bed, Barney and Lily wake up."
8261,27,2,5,Barney: Aaaaaah!
8262,27,2,5,Lily: Aaaaaaaaaaah!
8263,27,2,5,Barney: I can't believe we just... You and I... What have we done?
8264,27,2,5,Lily: Nothing. Nothing happened. We... We just went to sleep.
8265,27,2,5,"Barney: ""Just went to sleep""? I don't sleep in the same bed as a woman and not make a move. How could... You! You spooned me against my will."
8266,27,2,5,"Lily: Hey,it takes two to cuddle."
8267,27,2,5,"Barney: We... We redecorated my place. We stayed in on a friday night to watch ""Letterman"", and then slept together and didn't have s*x? Oh my God! We're in a relationship!"
8268,27,2,5,Lily: That's what you think a relationship is?
8269,27,2,5,"Barney: You were supposed to be the vaccine, but you gave me the disease. You gotta go."
8270,27,2,5,"Lily: Barney. I don't think you're mad at me. You're mad at yourself. You let down your guard, and let someone into your life, and... And it actually felt okay. And that terrifies you."
8271,27,2,5,Barney: Uh-uh. You gotta go.
8272,27,2,5,"Lily: Hey, you can't just kick me out! I put a lot of work into this place, and I've grown accustomed to a certain standard of living."
8273,27,2,5,"Barney: ""A certain standard of living""? You didn't pay a single..."
8274,27,2,5,"Ted (from 2030): And so Mr. and Mrs. Stinson, after two weeks of marriage, decided to call it quits. Fortunately, they reached a settlement. And that's the story of how Aunt Lily furnished her apartment."
8275,27,2,5,Ted (from 2030): Marshall ran into Brad again some time later.
8276,27,2,5,"Marshall: Oh my God, it's Brad. Laugh like I said something really funny. (Ted laughs)"
8277,27,2,5,Ted: That was great.
8278,27,2,5,Marshall: Right? Right?
8279,27,2,5,"Brad: Hey, Marshall."
8280,27,2,5,"Marshall: Oh, hey, hey, how's it going?"
8281,27,2,5,"Brad: It's good. (To ted) Hey, I'm uh..."
8282,27,2,5,"Ted: Yeah, I know who you are."
8283,27,2,5,"Brad: Well,I got to go. I got this thing."
8284,27,2,5,"Marshall: Yeah, me too, but more important."
8285,27,2,5,"Brad: So, I guess I'll see you around."
8286,27,2,5,"Marshall: Sure. Sure. (Brad leaves) Even if you don't believe it, tell me he looks fat."
8287,28,2,6,"Ted from 2030: Kids, when you reach your late twenty, you might be surpise to discover you still don't have life quite figured out. Like with aunt Lily. Even though she was back from San Francisco, she was still on a quest to find herself."
8288,28,2,6,Robin's apartment.
8289,28,2,6,Lily: It's just that all I've ever done is teach kindergarten. I want to get out there and change the world. I want to find my passion.
8290,28,2,6,Ted from 2030: And she did find it.
8291,28,2,6,Lily (coming in Robin's): I'm going to be a life coach.
8292,28,2,6,"Ted from 2030: In fact, she found it again and again."
8293,28,2,6,Lily: I'm going to be a marine biologist... Slam poet... Beekeeper! Not a beekeeper.
8294,28,2,6,Robin (on the phone): Her newest lifelong dream? Singing in a punk rock band.
8295,28,2,6,Ted: What is she doing for money through all this?
8296,28,2,6,"Robin: Oh, she's been waiting tables at Big Wave Luau."
8297,28,2,6,"Ted: Wait, you mean that hawaiian place where they wear those embarrassing outfits?"
8298,28,2,6,Robin: No.
8299,28,2,6,Big Wave Luau.
8300,28,2,6,Marshall: Here she comes. Here she comes.
8301,28,2,6,"Lily: Welcome to big Wave Luau. Can I tiki your drink order? Aw, crap."
8302,28,2,6,Robin: I'm sorry.
8303,28,2,6,"Barney: Oh, hi, Lily. We were just in the neighborhood, thought we'd get some lunch. We didn't even know you'd be here. (Marshall takes a photo of her)."
8304,28,2,6,Lily: What do you want?
8305,28,2,6,Ted: I don't think that's how you're supposed to greet a customer at Big Wave Luau.
8306,28,2,6,"Lily: Aloha, island visitors. The big wave brought you to our humble luau. For that, we thank you. Or in my native tongue, mahalo."
8307,28,2,6,Barney: I didn't catch your name. Did you guys catch her name?
8308,28,2,6,Ted: No.
8309,28,2,6,"Lily: My name is Anuhea. It means cool and fragrant,much like any of our 12 specialty drinks."
8310,28,2,6,"Ted: Robin, nothing to add?"
8311,28,2,6,Robin: No. Lily is my friend and I'm not going to make fun of her for trying to follow her dreams.
8312,28,2,6,Lily: Thank you.
8313,28,2,6,"Robin: Although, you might want to bring out the big hawaiian drum because I'm pretty sure today's my birthday."
8314,28,2,6,CREDIT TITLES
8315,28,2,6,MacLaren's.
8316,28,2,6,Marshall: I've never need the beer more than I do right now.
8317,28,2,6,"Ted: I thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake. I remember because you were eating a piece of cake at the time and you said, ""dude, my semester is gonna be this."""
8318,28,2,6,"Marshall: Yeah, well, it was supposed to be, but my professor's like the toughest grader I've ever seen. She had like a bad divorce this summer and now she's taking it out on us. To tell you the truth, I think she just needs to get laid."
8319,28,2,6,"Barney: Really? Laid, you say?"
8320,28,2,6,"Marshall: You wouldn't be into her.She's, like, in her late 40s."
8321,28,2,6,Barney: She hot?
8322,28,2,6,"Marshall: Yeah, I guess she's kind of hot, yeah."
8323,28,2,6,Barney: And she's looking for some action. Sounds to me like she could be a cougar.
8324,28,2,6,Robin: A what?
8325,28,2,6,"Barney: A cougar. An older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single and on the prowl for a younger man."
8326,28,2,6,Ted: What's a woman in her 60s or 70s? A turtle?
8327,28,2,6,"Barney: Marshall, I've thought it over and I accept your challenge."
8328,28,2,6,Marshall: I didn't challenge you to have s*x with...
8329,28,2,6,"Barney: Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins."
8330,28,2,6,"Lily (arriving): So, I quit my job. I just couldn't take it anymore. Approximately 50 times a day, some guy asks me for a lei..."
8331,28,2,6,Marshall: Classic.
8332,28,2,6,"Robin: Ted, didn't you tell me they need a new assistant in your office?"
8333,28,2,6,Ted: Yeah. Somebody did just quit.
8334,28,2,6,[FLASHBACK. Ted's office]
8335,28,2,6,"Ted: So, where should we eat today? (looking at the assistant with a whole chicken in a container) Oh awesome, you brought lunch for everyone? (the girl leaves, crying)"
8336,28,2,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8337,28,2,6,"Marshall: Dude, that is cold-blooded."
8338,28,2,6,"Ted: It was an honest mistake. Look, when somebody opens up a container with an entire chicken in it, it's okay to assume they made lunch for everyone."
8339,28,2,6,"Robin: Ted, that girl didn't quit. You destroyed her."
8340,28,2,6,Ted: It was an whole chicken. And did I mention she had 12 sides?
8341,28,2,6,"Barney: Oh, now you're gonna bash her figure. Real classy, Ted."
8342,28,2,6,"Ted: So, Lily, what do you say? Do you want the job?"
8343,28,2,6,Lily: What would I be doing?
8344,28,2,6,"Ted: Basically, you're sort of a general office assistant."
8345,28,2,6,Ted's office.
8346,28,2,6,Ted: You'll sit there. My station is right over here. And things are a little bit crazy right now 'cause we're pitching a new building to a big client.
8347,28,2,6,"Lily: Oh, right, is that the...?"
8348,28,2,6,Ted: Yeah. Here's the model.
8349,28,2,6,Lily: You weren't kidding. It really does look like a giant pen1s.
8350,28,2,6,"Ted: I know. For whatever reason, Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it."
8351,28,2,6,Lily: How can he not see it? I mean there's the...
8352,28,2,6,Ted: I know.
8353,28,2,6,Lily: And the way it...
8354,28,2,6,Ted: I know.
8355,28,2,6,Lily: And the two little...
8356,28,2,6,Ted: I know.
8357,28,2,6,Lily: It is just...
8358,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers (arriving): Spectacular? Why, thank you."
8359,28,2,6,"Ted: Lily, this is Mr. Druthers, the head architect on the project. Lily's going to be our new office assistant."
8360,28,2,6,Mr Druthers: Ah.
8361,28,2,6,Lily: Nice to meet you.
8362,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Isn't it? Ted, I looked at your design for the penthouse balcony. Tell me, do you want to be an architect?"
8363,28,2,6,"Ted: I, uh... I am an architect."
8364,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Really? Well, my six-year-old nephew plays with legos. Is he an architect?"
8365,28,2,6,"Ted: Well, not unless he somehow passed all his licensing exams."
8366,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Ted, you've got promise. But you have to study what I do more carefully. Now I want you to design some styrofoam trees for the building model. Think you can handle that?"
8367,28,2,6,Ted: Absolutely.
8368,28,2,6,Mr Druthers: So you're going to design the...
8369,28,2,6,Ted: Styrofoam trees.
8370,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Once again, with feeling."
8371,28,2,6,Ted: Styrofoam trees.
8372,28,2,6,Mr Druthers: Styrofoam trees!
8373,28,2,6,Ted: Styrofoam trees!
8374,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: That's the spirit. Now, gather 'round. This isn't just about trees, Ted. This is about life. And sometimes in life, you have to get the trees just right or you're fired, hmm? (He leaves)"
8375,28,2,6,"Lily: Man, that guy is a total, well... (gestures to the building model)"
8376,28,2,6,Marshall's law school.
8377,28,2,6,"Marshall: Okay, wait, wait, wait. That's professor Lewis's office there."
8378,28,2,6,"Barney: Okay, let's take a look. Oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. A prime specimen. See, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. Start with the hair. The cougar keeps up with current hairstyles as a form of camouflage. The prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar until he's already being dragged, helpless, back to her lair. Now, the blouse. The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey. If you're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce. See the claws? Long and sharp, to ward off rival females... Or open alimony checks. Yeah, this one's a beaut. Okay, let the hunt begin."
8379,28,2,6,"Marshall: Wait, wait, wait.I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with you hunting my constitutional law professor."
8380,28,2,6,"Barney: Who do you rather have grading your papers: a savage, man-eating jungle cat, or a purring, satisfied kitty?"
8381,28,2,6,"Marshall: Go, Barney. Go mount and stuff that cougar."
8382,28,2,6,"Barney (stepping into the office, speaking with an Italian accent): Scusi, I am Luigi, italian exchange student. I was, uh, walking to class, but then I noticed you... Bella principessa..."
8383,28,2,6,Pr Lewis: Tell me what you want or get out.
8384,28,2,6,Barney: Direct. I like that. The name's Barney. What I want... is you.
8385,28,2,6,Pr Lewis: Turn around. My place. Two hours. Don't be tardy.
8386,28,2,6,MacLaren's.
8387,28,2,6,Lily: I can't believe how Mr. Druthers treats people. And that building? Talk about overcompensating.
8388,28,2,6,"Ted: He's not usually this bad. It's just that the partners have made it very clear this project is make or break for us, so lately he's been a little testy. (The girls giggle) You know what I mean: crotchety. (Giggles) I'm just saying it's been hard on him. (More giggles). All right stop."
8389,28,2,6,Robin: Did you show lily your design?
8390,28,2,6,Ted: No.
8391,28,2,6,Lily: What design?
8392,28,2,6,Ted: It's nothing.
8393,28,2,6,"Robin: It's fantastic. Just for fun, Ted's been working on his own design. And it doesn't look at all like male genitalia. At least, not healthy male genitalia."
8394,28,2,6,"Lily: Ted, you should pitch your building to Druthers."
8395,28,2,6,"Ted: Are you kidding? He's Hammond Druthers. He's a legend. I'm just part of his team. This building is huge for the firm, so it's really important we don't blow it. (Giggles) All right, enough!"
8396,28,2,6,Pr Lewis' apartment.
8397,28,2,6,"Barney: Oh, my god. Incredible."
8398,28,2,6,Pr Lewis: Hmm... C minus.
8399,28,2,6,Barney: C minus? What are you talking about? I just pulled an all-nighter!
8400,28,2,6,"Pr Lewis: You didn't budget your time well, you glossed over some of the most important points, and your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive."
8401,28,2,6,Ted's office.
8402,28,2,6,Lily: Mr. Druthers asked if you were making the trees or waiting for them to sprout on their own. Then he stared at me until I laughed.
8403,28,2,6,"Ted: Okay, I'm done."
8404,28,2,6,Lily: Great. I'll put the paints away. You just go show him.
8405,28,2,6,Ted: Great. Thanks.
8406,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Well, finally. I wondered whether you were making the trees or waiting for them to sprout on their own."
8407,28,2,6,"Ted: Good one, sir. Anyway, here they are."
8408,28,2,6,Mr Druthers: Too green.
8409,28,2,6,Ted: Too green?
8410,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Yes, the leaves should really be more of a natural brown color. Almost brunette. And think bushier. I want this tower to rise from a thicket of wild, ungroomed, brunette shrubbery. Can you picture it, Ted?"
8411,28,2,6,Ted: I can't un-picture it.
8412,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Good. Oh, my God! It's gone!"
8413,28,2,6,Ted: What? What's gone?
8414,28,2,6,Mr Druthers: My baseball signed three times by Pete Rose.
8415,28,2,6,"Ted: Well, it's got to be around here somewhere."
8416,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: What do you think, Ted, it just let itself out of its plastic case and rolled away? Somebody stole it."
8417,28,2,6,"Ted: Well, um, I better get back to these styrofoam trees."
8418,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Oh, who cares about the trees? It's just busy work to make you feel like you're contributing."
8419,28,2,6,"Ted: Inspiring as always, sir. Lily? Where's she put those paints? (Ted opens one of Lily's desk drawers and find the ball)"
8420,28,2,6,
8421,28,2,6,MacLaren's.
8422,28,2,6,Lily: Hey.
8423,28,2,6,"Ted: Hey. Um, Lily, question for you. Why did I find Mr. Druthers' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer?"
8424,28,2,6,Lily: That's easy. I took it.
8425,28,2,6,Ted: Why?
8426,28,2,6,Lily: It's simple.
8427,28,2,6,[FLASHBACK]Mr Druthers: I can't believe there's no horseradish for the roast beef. I guess you were sick the day they taught that at sandwich university
8428,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Mother, no one from the nursing home is stealing from you. I didn't get you a birthday present."
8429,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers (to a kid): What? You gonna cry? Huh? Little crybaby's going to cry? Hey, everybody, look! The little crybaby's gonna cry! I lost my ice cream!"
8430,28,2,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8431,28,2,6,"Lily: Okay, I may have exaggerated that last one, but the point is, he was mean. And that's why I took away his ball."
8432,28,2,6,Ted: What does his ball have to do with anything?
8433,28,2,6,"Lily: Druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. When I was teaching kindergarten,whenever a kid was mean, I would take away one of his toys. The kid would be upset at first,but then he'd learn to stop being mean."
8434,28,2,6,"Robin: Hey, guys. What's going on?"
8435,28,2,6,Ted: Lily stole my boss' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose.
8436,28,2,6,Robin: Why? Was he being mean?
8437,28,2,6,Ted: You know about this?
8438,28,2,6,Robin: Yeah. It's her own personal form of justice. Did you tell him about that time at the Gap?
8439,28,2,6,"Lily: Oh, that was a good one. This sales guy was rude to Robin, so I took a pair of khakis."
8440,28,2,6,Robin: I gave them to you for your birthday.
8441,28,2,6,Ted: So I've been walking around in stolen khakis?
8442,28,2,6,"Lily: I prefer to call them ""justice khakis."""
8443,28,2,6,"Ted: That's not justice. It's shoplifting,and it's a crime."
8444,28,2,6,Lily: So is being mean.
8445,28,2,6,"Ted: Lily, your little system doesn't even make sense. In kindergarten, the kid knew why he was being punished. Druthers just thinks someone stole his ball."
8446,28,2,6,"Lily: Well, that's why I left a note."
8447,28,2,6,Ted: A note?
8448,28,2,6,"Lily: Yeah. When he finds it, he'll understand why his ball was taken away, he'll stop being mean, and the office will be a nicer place to work. Maybe he'll even be open to hearing your ideas."
8449,28,2,6,"Ted: Look, Lil, we're all tolerating this prolonged nervous breakdown you're clearly having, with the punk band and the beekeeping and the petty larceny, but this is my career you're messing with."
8450,28,2,6,Lily: I'm not sure I like your tone. You know what? Now you just lost the ball.
8451,28,2,6,At the apartment.
8452,28,2,6,"Marshall: I'd ask you how last night went, but we had a pop quiz today. Nobody got higher than a c-minus."
8453,28,2,6,"Barney: I know, I know."
8454,28,2,6,Marshall: You claim to have so much s*x. I only assumed you'd be good at it.
8455,28,2,6,"Barney: Look, I miscalculated. I thought she'd be old and fragile, like most cougars. But kitty's got claws. Don't worry though. Tonight, I'm seeing her again."
8456,28,2,6,"Marshall: Just let it go, man. You're making things worse."
8457,28,2,6,"Barney: I promise you, after tonight, that cougar will be my pet, and I its master."
8458,28,2,6,Pr Lewis' apartment.
8459,28,2,6,Barney: I think I'm falling in love with you.
8460,28,2,6,"Pr Lewis: Oh, God. That wasn't your first time, was it? Although that would explain a lot."
8461,28,2,6,Barney: What? No.We had s*x yesterday.
8462,28,2,6,"Pr Lewis: Oh, right. That. Well, you had s*x yesterday. I revised my syllabus for the spring semester."
8463,28,2,6,Ted's office.
8464,28,2,6,"Ted: When Druthers goes to get his bagel, I'll go in, grab the note, put the ball back. If something goes wrong, yell out, ""who wants espresso?"" So I'll know he's coming. Got it? Okay, now give me the ball."
8465,28,2,6,Lily: No.
8466,28,2,6,"Ted: What do you mean, no?"
8467,28,2,6,"Lily: I mean I stand by what I did, Ted."
8468,28,2,6,"Ted: Come on, Lily. We're running out of time."
8469,28,2,6,Mr Druthers: Everybody get in here now!
8470,28,2,6,"Lily: ""Who wants espresso?"""
8471,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Now, as most of you know, my Pete Rose, Pete Rose, Pete Rose baseball has been stolen. Well, I just found this note."
8472,28,2,6,"""Dear mr. Druthers,I, your baseball, am leaving. Maybe, if you start being nice, I'll come back. If not, other things in your office may follow my lead. In fact, I overheard your iPod talking, and he may shuffle off at any minute."" Normally, I would scream at everyone until my voice goes, but maybe that's the wrong reaction here."
8473,28,2,6,Lily: Interesting.
8474,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Instead, I'm giving my baseball until the end of the day to decide he's homesick, or, tomorrow morning, I'll begin firing three people an hour. And, if the thief doesn't believe me, well, then you are gambling more than Pete Rose - major league baseball's all-time hit leader, a man whose absence from the hall of fame is a travesty to the entire sports world - ever ""allegedly"" did!"
8475,28,2,6,"Lily: Wow. Looks like bye-bye, iPod."
8476,28,2,6,Ted: Give him his ball back right now. People are going to get fired.
8477,28,2,6,"Lily: No, they're not. It's just a tantrum, Ted. I saw this in kindergarten all the time."
8478,28,2,6,"Ted: This isn't kindergarten. Mr Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back."
8479,28,2,6,"Lily: All right, I'll give it back if you show him your plans."
8480,28,2,6,Ted: No. You'll give it back or you're fired.
8481,28,2,6,"Lily: I'm sorry, Ted. I just can't do that."
8482,28,2,6,Ted: Then you're fired.
8483,28,2,6,Lily: Fine. Here's the ball. At least you have one now.
8484,28,2,6,MacLaren's.
8485,28,2,6,"Marshall: Dude, you're killing me. You didn't tame the cougar. You just made her angrier."
8486,28,2,6,Barney: Do you not see the powerbar in my hand? I'm fueling up.
8487,28,2,6,Marshall: So you're going back over there?
8488,28,2,6,"Barney: Oh, yeah. And tonight, just like John Mellencamp, I am going to get rid of the ""cougar"" once and for all. Get it? 'Cause that's what he did with his name."
8489,28,2,6,Pr Lewis' apartment.
8490,28,2,6,Barney: I can't stop thinking about you. Please give me another chance.
8491,28,2,6,"Pr Lewis: Barney, I teach all day. It's the last thing I want to do when I get home."
8492,28,2,6,"Barney: But you don't understand. See, I've been going easy on you, holding back, 'cause I was afraid you'd break a hip or something. But, this time, no mercy.I don't care how long it takes days, weeks, half a year."
8493,28,2,6,Pr Lewis: Fine.Come in. You can start while I finish grading some papers.
8494,28,2,6,Ted's office.
8495,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Hurry up. Clients will be here any moment. Now, slide it closer to his chair. I want this thing to really smack him in the face."
8496,28,2,6,"Ted: Mr. Druthers, thank you again for understanding about Lily."
8497,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Oh. Well, I pity her. I mean, to steal from my office and then write that slanderous note... You might say that Lily was mentally deranged. You might say that, Ted."
8498,28,2,6,Ted: Lily was mentally deranged.
8499,28,2,6,Mr Druthers: You might even say it loud enough for everyone to hear.
8500,28,2,6,Ted: Lily was mentally deranged!
8501,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Oh! That's a bit harsh, don't you think, Ted?"
8502,28,2,6,Man: The clients are here.
8503,28,2,6,Mr Druthers: Excellent. Bring them in.
8504,28,2,6,Ted from 2030: Our client was a major bank and financial services company in Spokane. They wanted a modern skyscraper that still captured the distinct flavor and history of the northwest.
8505,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Spokane national bank building."
8506,28,2,6,Client: That's a pen1s!
8507,28,2,6,Mr Druthers: That's... that's ridiculous. There's no way this majestic tower can be confused with the male organ of love.
8508,28,2,6,Client: We're not building a pen1s. You got any other ideas?
8509,28,2,6,Mr Druthers: Other ideas? You said you wanted Hammond Druthers. This is Hammond Druthers.
8510,28,2,6,"Client: Well, hats off to your ladyfriends, but I'm not building it. We're done here."
8511,28,2,6,Ted from 2030: The trajectory of my entire career might have been different had I not unwittingly worn my justice khakis that day.
8512,28,2,6,Ted: Wait! We have one more idea for you.
8513,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Ted, what are you doing?"
8514,28,2,6,Ted: I have another design.
8515,28,2,6,"Mr Druthers: Sit down, shut up right now."
8516,28,2,6,Ted: No.
8517,28,2,6,MacLaren's.
8518,28,2,6,Robin: To Ted! The youngest person to ever design a building over 70 stories... Probably!
8519,28,2,6,All: Probably!
8520,28,2,6,"Lily: Congrats, ted."
8521,28,2,6,"Ted: Hey, thanks for telling me to stand up to Druthers and pitch my idea. Seriously, none of this would have happened if it weren't for you."
8522,28,2,6,"Lily: Oh. You know what, Ted? That was very nice. You have earned these screws back. Don't sit in your desk chair until you've put them back in."
8523,28,2,6,"Ted: Hey, I'm project manager now, so, if you want your old job back..."
8524,28,2,6,"Lily: No, thanks. I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up."
8525,28,2,6,Lily's kindergarten.
8526,28,2,6,"Lily: Casey, that's not how we treat people. You'll get this back when you learn to be nice."
8527,28,2,6,Hospital.
8528,28,2,6,"Robin: Barney! Oh, my god!"
8529,28,2,6,Ted: What happened?
8530,28,2,6,Pr Lewis: He broke his hip.
8531,28,2,6,"Barney: That's not true. It's just temporarily dislocated. Seriously, I'm fine."
8532,28,2,6,"Pr Lewis: No, he's not fine."
8533,28,2,6,"Marshall: Professor Lewis, hi."
8534,28,2,6,Pr Lewis: Mr. Eriksen. Hello. I graded your paper tonight. I was pleasantly surprised.
8535,28,2,6,"Barney: Yeah, she was."
8536,28,2,6,Pr Lewis: B plus.
8537,28,2,6,"Barney: B-plus?! Marshall, after I've gone through my eight weeks of physical therapy, I am going to get you that ""A""!"
8538,28,2,6,Marshall: Let her go. She belongs out there in the wild. You should feel proud. You fought the cougar and lived.
8539,29,2,7,"Ted from 2030: Kids, when you reach your late twenty, you might be surpise to discover you still don't have life quite figured out. Like with aunt Lily. Even though she was back from San Francisco, she was still on a quest to find herself."
8540,29,2,7,Robin's apartment.
8541,29,2,7,Lily: It's just that all I've ever done is teach kindergarten. I want to get out there and change the world. I want to find my passion.
8542,29,2,7,Ted from 2030: And she did find it.
8543,29,2,7,Lily (coming in Robin's): I'm going to be a life coach.
8544,29,2,7,"Ted from 2030: In fact, she found it again and again."
8545,29,2,7,Lily: I'm going to be a marine biologist... Slam poet... Beekeeper! Not a beekeeper.
8546,29,2,7,Robin (on the phone): Her newest lifelong dream? Singing in a punk rock band.
8547,29,2,7,Ted: What is she doing for money through all this?
8548,29,2,7,"Robin: Oh, she's been waiting tables at Big Wave Luau."
8549,29,2,7,"Ted: Wait, you mean that hawaiian place where they wear those embarrassing outfits?"
8550,29,2,7,Robin: No.
8551,29,2,7,Big Wave Luau.
8552,29,2,7,Marshall: Here she comes. Here she comes.
8553,29,2,7,"Lily: Welcome to big Wave Luau. Can I tiki your drink order? Aw, crap."
8554,29,2,7,Robin: I'm sorry.
8555,29,2,7,"Barney: Oh, hi, Lily. We were just in the neighborhood, thought we'd get some lunch. We didn't even know you'd be here. (Marshall takes a photo of her)."
8556,29,2,7,Lily: What do you want?
8557,29,2,7,Ted: I don't think that's how you're supposed to greet a customer at Big Wave Luau.
8558,29,2,7,"Lily: Aloha, island visitors. The big wave brought you to our humble luau. For that, we thank you. Or in my native tongue, mahalo."
8559,29,2,7,Barney: I didn't catch your name. Did you guys catch her name?
8560,29,2,7,Ted: No.
8561,29,2,7,"Lily: My name is Anuhea. It means cool and fragrant,much like any of our 12 specialty drinks."
8562,29,2,7,"Ted: Robin, nothing to add?"
8563,29,2,7,Robin: No. Lily is my friend and I'm not going to make fun of her for trying to follow her dreams.
8564,29,2,7,Lily: Thank you.
8565,29,2,7,"Robin: Although, you might want to bring out the big hawaiian drum because I'm pretty sure today's my birthday."
8566,29,2,7,CREDIT TITLES
8567,29,2,7,MacLaren's.
8568,29,2,7,Marshall: I've never need the beer more than I do right now.
8569,29,2,7,"Ted: I thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake. I remember because you were eating a piece of cake at the time and you said, ""dude, my semester is gonna be this."""
8570,29,2,7,"Marshall: Yeah, well, it was supposed to be, but my professor's like the toughest grader I've ever seen. She had like a bad divorce this summer and now she's taking it out on us. To tell you the truth, I think she just needs to get laid."
8571,29,2,7,"Barney: Really? Laid, you say?"
8572,29,2,7,"Marshall: You wouldn't be into her.She's, like, in her late 40s."
8573,29,2,7,Barney: She hot?
8574,29,2,7,"Marshall: Yeah, I guess she's kind of hot, yeah."
8575,29,2,7,Barney: And she's looking for some action. Sounds to me like she could be a cougar.
8576,29,2,7,Robin: A what?
8577,29,2,7,"Barney: A cougar. An older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single and on the prowl for a younger man."
8578,29,2,7,Ted: What's a woman in her 60s or 70s? A turtle?
8579,29,2,7,"Barney: Marshall, I've thought it over and I accept your challenge."
8580,29,2,7,Marshall: I didn't challenge you to have s*x with...
8581,29,2,7,"Barney: Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins."
8582,29,2,7,"Lily (arriving): So, I quit my job. I just couldn't take it anymore. Approximately 50 times a day, some guy asks me for a lei..."
8583,29,2,7,Marshall: Classic.
8584,29,2,7,"Robin: Ted, didn't you tell me they need a new assistant in your office?"
8585,29,2,7,Ted: Yeah. Somebody did just quit.
8586,29,2,7,[FLASHBACK. Ted's office]
8587,29,2,7,"Ted: So, where should we eat today? (looking at the assistant with a whole chicken in a container) Oh awesome, you brought lunch for everyone? (the girl leaves, crying)"
8588,29,2,7,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8589,29,2,7,"Marshall: Dude, that is cold-blooded."
8590,29,2,7,"Ted: It was an honest mistake. Look, when somebody opens up a container with an entire chicken in it, it's okay to assume they made lunch for everyone."
8591,29,2,7,"Robin: Ted, that girl didn't quit. You destroyed her."
8592,29,2,7,Ted: It was an whole chicken. And did I mention she had 12 sides?
8593,29,2,7,"Barney: Oh, now you're gonna bash her figure. Real classy, Ted."
8594,29,2,7,"Ted: So, Lily, what do you say? Do you want the job?"
8595,29,2,7,Lily: What would I be doing?
8596,29,2,7,"Ted: Basically, you're sort of a general office assistant."
8597,29,2,7,Ted's office.
8598,29,2,7,Ted: You'll sit there. My station is right over here. And things are a little bit crazy right now 'cause we're pitching a new building to a big client.
8599,29,2,7,"Lily: Oh, right, is that the...?"
8600,29,2,7,Ted: Yeah. Here's the model.
8601,29,2,7,Lily: You weren't kidding. It really does look like a giant pen1s.
8602,29,2,7,"Ted: I know. For whatever reason, Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it."
8603,29,2,7,Lily: How can he not see it? I mean there's the...
8604,29,2,7,Ted: I know.
8605,29,2,7,Lily: And the way it...
8606,29,2,7,Ted: I know.
8607,29,2,7,Lily: And the two little...
8608,29,2,7,Ted: I know.
8609,29,2,7,Lily: It is just...
8610,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers (arriving): Spectacular? Why, thank you."
8611,29,2,7,"Ted: Lily, this is Mr. Druthers, the head architect on the project. Lily's going to be our new office assistant."
8612,29,2,7,Mr Druthers: Ah.
8613,29,2,7,Lily: Nice to meet you.
8614,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Isn't it? Ted, I looked at your design for the penthouse balcony. Tell me, do you want to be an architect?"
8615,29,2,7,"Ted: I, uh... I am an architect."
8616,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Really? Well, my six-year-old nephew plays with legos. Is he an architect?"
8617,29,2,7,"Ted: Well, not unless he somehow passed all his licensing exams."
8618,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Ted, you've got promise. But you have to study what I do more carefully. Now I want you to design some styrofoam trees for the building model. Think you can handle that?"
8619,29,2,7,Ted: Absolutely.
8620,29,2,7,Mr Druthers: So you're going to design the...
8621,29,2,7,Ted: Styrofoam trees.
8622,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Once again, with feeling."
8623,29,2,7,Ted: Styrofoam trees.
8624,29,2,7,Mr Druthers: Styrofoam trees!
8625,29,2,7,Ted: Styrofoam trees!
8626,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: That's the spirit. Now, gather 'round. This isn't just about trees, Ted. This is about life. And sometimes in life, you have to get the trees just right or you're fired, hmm? (He leaves)"
8627,29,2,7,"Lily: Man, that guy is a total, well... (gestures to the building model)"
8628,29,2,7,Marshall's law school.
8629,29,2,7,"Marshall: Okay, wait, wait, wait. That's professor Lewis's office there."
8630,29,2,7,"Barney: Okay, let's take a look. Oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. A prime specimen. See, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. Start with the hair. The cougar keeps up with current hairstyles as a form of camouflage. The prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar until he's already being dragged, helpless, back to her lair. Now, the blouse. The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey. If you're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce. See the claws? Long and sharp, to ward off rival females... Or open alimony checks. Yeah, this one's a beaut. Okay, let the hunt begin."
8631,29,2,7,"Marshall: Wait, wait, wait.I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with you hunting my constitutional law professor."
8632,29,2,7,"Barney: Who do you rather have grading your papers: a savage, man-eating jungle cat, or a purring, satisfied kitty?"
8633,29,2,7,"Marshall: Go, Barney. Go mount and stuff that cougar."
8634,29,2,7,"Barney (stepping into the office, speaking with an Italian accent): Scusi, I am Luigi, italian exchange student. I was, uh, walking to class, but then I noticed you... Bella principessa..."
8635,29,2,7,Pr Lewis: Tell me what you want or get out.
8636,29,2,7,Barney: Direct. I like that. The name's Barney. What I want... is you.
8637,29,2,7,Pr Lewis: Turn around. My place. Two hours. Don't be tardy.
8638,29,2,7,MacLaren's.
8639,29,2,7,Lily: I can't believe how Mr. Druthers treats people. And that building? Talk about overcompensating.
8640,29,2,7,"Ted: He's not usually this bad. It's just that the partners have made it very clear this project is make or break for us, so lately he's been a little testy. (The girls giggle) You know what I mean: crotchety. (Giggles) I'm just saying it's been hard on him. (More giggles). All right stop."
8641,29,2,7,Robin: Did you show lily your design?
8642,29,2,7,Ted: No.
8643,29,2,7,Lily: What design?
8644,29,2,7,Ted: It's nothing.
8645,29,2,7,"Robin: It's fantastic. Just for fun, Ted's been working on his own design. And it doesn't look at all like male genitalia. At least, not healthy male genitalia."
8646,29,2,7,"Lily: Ted, you should pitch your building to Druthers."
8647,29,2,7,"Ted: Are you kidding? He's Hammond Druthers. He's a legend. I'm just part of his team. This building is huge for the firm, so it's really important we don't blow it. (Giggles) All right, enough!"
8648,29,2,7,Pr Lewis' apartment.
8649,29,2,7,"Barney: Oh, my god. Incredible."
8650,29,2,7,Pr Lewis: Hmm... C minus.
8651,29,2,7,Barney: C minus? What are you talking about? I just pulled an all-nighter!
8652,29,2,7,"Pr Lewis: You didn't budget your time well, you glossed over some of the most important points, and your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive."
8653,29,2,7,Ted's office.
8654,29,2,7,Lily: Mr. Druthers asked if you were making the trees or waiting for them to sprout on their own. Then he stared at me until I laughed.
8655,29,2,7,"Ted: Okay, I'm done."
8656,29,2,7,Lily: Great. I'll put the paints away. You just go show him.
8657,29,2,7,Ted: Great. Thanks.
8658,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Well, finally. I wondered whether you were making the trees or waiting for them to sprout on their own."
8659,29,2,7,"Ted: Good one, sir. Anyway, here they are."
8660,29,2,7,Mr Druthers: Too green.
8661,29,2,7,Ted: Too green?
8662,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Yes, the leaves should really be more of a natural brown color. Almost brunette. And think bushier. I want this tower to rise from a thicket of wild, ungroomed, brunette shrubbery. Can you picture it, Ted?"
8663,29,2,7,Ted: I can't un-picture it.
8664,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Good. Oh, my God! It's gone!"
8665,29,2,7,Ted: What? What's gone?
8666,29,2,7,Mr Druthers: My baseball signed three times by Pete Rose.
8667,29,2,7,"Ted: Well, it's got to be around here somewhere."
8668,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: What do you think, Ted, it just let itself out of its plastic case and rolled away? Somebody stole it."
8669,29,2,7,"Ted: Well, um, I better get back to these styrofoam trees."
8670,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Oh, who cares about the trees? It's just busy work to make you feel like you're contributing."
8671,29,2,7,"Ted: Inspiring as always, sir. Lily? Where's she put those paints? (Ted opens one of Lily's desk drawers and find the ball)"
8672,29,2,7,
8673,29,2,7,MacLaren's.
8674,29,2,7,Lily: Hey.
8675,29,2,7,"Ted: Hey. Um, Lily, question for you. Why did I find Mr. Druthers' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer?"
8676,29,2,7,Lily: That's easy. I took it.
8677,29,2,7,Ted: Why?
8678,29,2,7,Lily: It's simple.
8679,29,2,7,[FLASHBACK]Mr Druthers: I can't believe there's no horseradish for the roast beef. I guess you were sick the day they taught that at sandwich university
8680,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Mother, no one from the nursing home is stealing from you. I didn't get you a birthday present."
8681,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers (to a kid): What? You gonna cry? Huh? Little crybaby's going to cry? Hey, everybody, look! The little crybaby's gonna cry! I lost my ice cream!"
8682,29,2,7,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8683,29,2,7,"Lily: Okay, I may have exaggerated that last one, but the point is, he was mean. And that's why I took away his ball."
8684,29,2,7,Ted: What does his ball have to do with anything?
8685,29,2,7,"Lily: Druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. When I was teaching kindergarten,whenever a kid was mean, I would take away one of his toys. The kid would be upset at first,but then he'd learn to stop being mean."
8686,29,2,7,"Robin: Hey, guys. What's going on?"
8687,29,2,7,Ted: Lily stole my boss' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose.
8688,29,2,7,Robin: Why? Was he being mean?
8689,29,2,7,Ted: You know about this?
8690,29,2,7,Robin: Yeah. It's her own personal form of justice. Did you tell him about that time at the Gap?
8691,29,2,7,"Lily: Oh, that was a good one. This sales guy was rude to Robin, so I took a pair of khakis."
8692,29,2,7,Robin: I gave them to you for your birthday.
8693,29,2,7,Ted: So I've been walking around in stolen khakis?
8694,29,2,7,"Lily: I prefer to call them ""justice khakis."""
8695,29,2,7,"Ted: That's not justice. It's shoplifting,and it's a crime."
8696,29,2,7,Lily: So is being mean.
8697,29,2,7,"Ted: Lily, your little system doesn't even make sense. In kindergarten, the kid knew why he was being punished. Druthers just thinks someone stole his ball."
8698,29,2,7,"Lily: Well, that's why I left a note."
8699,29,2,7,Ted: A note?
8700,29,2,7,"Lily: Yeah. When he finds it, he'll understand why his ball was taken away, he'll stop being mean, and the office will be a nicer place to work. Maybe he'll even be open to hearing your ideas."
8701,29,2,7,"Ted: Look, Lil, we're all tolerating this prolonged nervous breakdown you're clearly having, with the punk band and the beekeeping and the petty larceny, but this is my career you're messing with."
8702,29,2,7,Lily: I'm not sure I like your tone. You know what? Now you just lost the ball.
8703,29,2,7,At the apartment.
8704,29,2,7,"Marshall: I'd ask you how last night went, but we had a pop quiz today. Nobody got higher than a c-minus."
8705,29,2,7,"Barney: I know, I know."
8706,29,2,7,Marshall: You claim to have so much s*x. I only assumed you'd be good at it.
8707,29,2,7,"Barney: Look, I miscalculated. I thought she'd be old and fragile, like most cougars. But kitty's got claws. Don't worry though. Tonight, I'm seeing her again."
8708,29,2,7,"Marshall: Just let it go, man. You're making things worse."
8709,29,2,7,"Barney: I promise you, after tonight, that cougar will be my pet, and I its master."
8710,29,2,7,Pr Lewis' apartment.
8711,29,2,7,Barney: I think I'm falling in love with you.
8712,29,2,7,"Pr Lewis: Oh, God. That wasn't your first time, was it? Although that would explain a lot."
8713,29,2,7,Barney: What? No.We had s*x yesterday.
8714,29,2,7,"Pr Lewis: Oh, right. That. Well, you had s*x yesterday. I revised my syllabus for the spring semester."
8715,29,2,7,Ted's office.
8716,29,2,7,"Ted: When Druthers goes to get his bagel, I'll go in, grab the note, put the ball back. If something goes wrong, yell out, ""who wants espresso?"" So I'll know he's coming. Got it? Okay, now give me the ball."
8717,29,2,7,Lily: No.
8718,29,2,7,"Ted: What do you mean, no?"
8719,29,2,7,"Lily: I mean I stand by what I did, Ted."
8720,29,2,7,"Ted: Come on, Lily. We're running out of time."
8721,29,2,7,Mr Druthers: Everybody get in here now!
8722,29,2,7,"Lily: ""Who wants espresso?"""
8723,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Now, as most of you know, my Pete Rose, Pete Rose, Pete Rose baseball has been stolen. Well, I just found this note."
8724,29,2,7,"""Dear mr. Druthers,I, your baseball, am leaving. Maybe, if you start being nice, I'll come back. If not, other things in your office may follow my lead. In fact, I overheard your iPod talking, and he may shuffle off at any minute."" Normally, I would scream at everyone until my voice goes, but maybe that's the wrong reaction here."
8725,29,2,7,Lily: Interesting.
8726,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Instead, I'm giving my baseball until the end of the day to decide he's homesick, or, tomorrow morning, I'll begin firing three people an hour. And, if the thief doesn't believe me, well, then you are gambling more than Pete Rose - major league baseball's all-time hit leader, a man whose absence from the hall of fame is a travesty to the entire sports world - ever ""allegedly"" did!"
8727,29,2,7,"Lily: Wow. Looks like bye-bye, iPod."
8728,29,2,7,Ted: Give him his ball back right now. People are going to get fired.
8729,29,2,7,"Lily: No, they're not. It's just a tantrum, Ted. I saw this in kindergarten all the time."
8730,29,2,7,"Ted: This isn't kindergarten. Mr Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back."
8731,29,2,7,"Lily: All right, I'll give it back if you show him your plans."
8732,29,2,7,Ted: No. You'll give it back or you're fired.
8733,29,2,7,"Lily: I'm sorry, Ted. I just can't do that."
8734,29,2,7,Ted: Then you're fired.
8735,29,2,7,Lily: Fine. Here's the ball. At least you have one now.
8736,29,2,7,MacLaren's.
8737,29,2,7,"Marshall: Dude, you're killing me. You didn't tame the cougar. You just made her angrier."
8738,29,2,7,Barney: Do you not see the powerbar in my hand? I'm fueling up.
8739,29,2,7,Marshall: So you're going back over there?
8740,29,2,7,"Barney: Oh, yeah. And tonight, just like John Mellencamp, I am going to get rid of the ""cougar"" once and for all. Get it? 'Cause that's what he did with his name."
8741,29,2,7,Pr Lewis' apartment.
8742,29,2,7,Barney: I can't stop thinking about you. Please give me another chance.
8743,29,2,7,"Pr Lewis: Barney, I teach all day. It's the last thing I want to do when I get home."
8744,29,2,7,"Barney: But you don't understand. See, I've been going easy on you, holding back, 'cause I was afraid you'd break a hip or something. But, this time, no mercy.I don't care how long it takes days, weeks, half a year."
8745,29,2,7,Pr Lewis: Fine.Come in. You can start while I finish grading some papers.
8746,29,2,7,Ted's office.
8747,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Hurry up. Clients will be here any moment. Now, slide it closer to his chair. I want this thing to really smack him in the face."
8748,29,2,7,"Ted: Mr. Druthers, thank you again for understanding about Lily."
8749,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Oh. Well, I pity her. I mean, to steal from my office and then write that slanderous note... You might say that Lily was mentally deranged. You might say that, Ted."
8750,29,2,7,Ted: Lily was mentally deranged.
8751,29,2,7,Mr Druthers: You might even say it loud enough for everyone to hear.
8752,29,2,7,Ted: Lily was mentally deranged!
8753,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Oh! That's a bit harsh, don't you think, Ted?"
8754,29,2,7,Man: The clients are here.
8755,29,2,7,Mr Druthers: Excellent. Bring them in.
8756,29,2,7,Ted from 2030: Our client was a major bank and financial services company in Spokane. They wanted a modern skyscraper that still captured the distinct flavor and history of the northwest.
8757,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Spokane national bank building."
8758,29,2,7,Client: That's a pen1s!
8759,29,2,7,Mr Druthers: That's... that's ridiculous. There's no way this majestic tower can be confused with the male organ of love.
8760,29,2,7,Client: We're not building a pen1s. You got any other ideas?
8761,29,2,7,Mr Druthers: Other ideas? You said you wanted Hammond Druthers. This is Hammond Druthers.
8762,29,2,7,"Client: Well, hats off to your ladyfriends, but I'm not building it. We're done here."
8763,29,2,7,Ted from 2030: The trajectory of my entire career might have been different had I not unwittingly worn my justice khakis that day.
8764,29,2,7,Ted: Wait! We have one more idea for you.
8765,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Ted, what are you doing?"
8766,29,2,7,Ted: I have another design.
8767,29,2,7,"Mr Druthers: Sit down, shut up right now."
8768,29,2,7,Ted: No.
8769,29,2,7,MacLaren's.
8770,29,2,7,Robin: To Ted! The youngest person to ever design a building over 70 stories... Probably!
8771,29,2,7,All: Probably!
8772,29,2,7,"Lily: Congrats, ted."
8773,29,2,7,"Ted: Hey, thanks for telling me to stand up to Druthers and pitch my idea. Seriously, none of this would have happened if it weren't for you."
8774,29,2,7,"Lily: Oh. You know what, Ted? That was very nice. You have earned these screws back. Don't sit in your desk chair until you've put them back in."
8775,29,2,7,"Ted: Hey, I'm project manager now, so, if you want your old job back..."
8776,29,2,7,"Lily: No, thanks. I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up."
8777,29,2,7,Lily's kindergarten.
8778,29,2,7,"Lily: Casey, that's not how we treat people. You'll get this back when you learn to be nice."
8779,29,2,7,Hospital.
8780,29,2,7,"Robin: Barney! Oh, my god!"
8781,29,2,7,Ted: What happened?
8782,29,2,7,Pr Lewis: He broke his hip.
8783,29,2,7,"Barney: That's not true. It's just temporarily dislocated. Seriously, I'm fine."
8784,29,2,7,"Pr Lewis: No, he's not fine."
8785,29,2,7,"Marshall: Professor Lewis, hi."
8786,29,2,7,Pr Lewis: Mr. Eriksen. Hello. I graded your paper tonight. I was pleasantly surprised.
8787,29,2,7,"Barney: Yeah, she was."
8788,29,2,7,Pr Lewis: B plus.
8789,29,2,7,"Barney: B-plus?! Marshall, after I've gone through my eight weeks of physical therapy, I am going to get you that ""A""!"
8790,29,2,7,Marshall: Let her go. She belongs out there in the wild. You should feel proud. You fought the cougar and lived.
8791,30,2,8,The apartment.
8792,30,2,8,"Ted from 2030: And so, after six months apart, Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall were finally back together."
8793,30,2,8,"Lily: Oh, my God. These pancakes are delicious!"
8794,30,2,8,"Marshall: Yes! Thank you. Uhm, I learned how to cook while you were gone this summer."
8795,30,2,8,Lily: Oh. Do you want to cook dinner tonight?
8796,30,2,8,"Marshall: Yeah, sure. How about pancakes?"
8797,30,2,8,Ted from 2030: And things were back to normal... Almost.
8798,30,2,8,"Lily: You may not have much range, but at least I'm marrying a guy who knows how to make pancakes."
8799,30,2,8,"Marshall: Oh, uhm..."
8800,30,2,8,"Lily: I mean, uhm... Well, I... I realize that we haven't really discussed whether us getting back together means us getting married, but... I still wanna. Do you still wanna?"
8801,30,2,8,Marshall: Really?
8802,30,2,8,"Lily: Of course, I love you."
8803,30,2,8,"Marshall: No, I mean, that's how you're gonna do it? ""Do you still wanna?"" That's like the lamest proposal ever. When I did it, I got down on my knees... I don't know, I'm just saying."
8804,30,2,8,"Lily (getting down on one knee): Marshall Eriksen, will you ma..."
8805,30,2,8,"Marshall: No, no, no, no, no, no."
8806,30,2,8,Lily: What?!
8807,30,2,8,"Marshall: You can't lead with that. You got to... build up to that. You got to have, like, a little speech."
8808,30,2,8,Lily: Do you remember your proposal to me? (She puts her hand on her eye)
8809,30,2,8,Marshall: I had a speech prepared.
8810,30,2,8,Lily: What do you want to hear?
8811,30,2,8,"Marshall: I don't know. I mean, you could tell me, like, about how good-looking and funny and smart I am and I've been working out lately. It might be nice for you to mention something about that."
8812,30,2,8,Lily: Marshall... You are good-looking...
8813,30,2,8,Marshall: Thank you.
8814,30,2,8,Lily: Funny...
8815,30,2,8,"Marshall: Oh, thanks."
8816,30,2,8,Lily: Smart...
8817,30,2,8,Marshall: And a few tears wouldn't hurt.
8818,30,2,8,"Lily: Okay, would you freakin' marry me already?"
8819,30,2,8,"Marshall: I'll marry you. Of course. But, uhm, until you see a ring on this finger, don't expect me to put out."
8820,30,2,8,"Lily: Yeah, right. (They kiss)"
8821,30,2,8,CREDIT TITLES
8822,30,2,8,The apartment. Marshall and Lily straighten after they had s*x on the kitchen floor.
8823,30,2,8,Marshall: I'll give you this. That was a very creative use of syrup.
8824,30,2,8,"Lily: I can't even look Mrs. Butterworth in the eye. Oh, my God. We're getting married!"
8825,30,2,8,"Marshall: I know, I know."
8826,30,2,8,"Ted from 2030: It was a moment of happiness, followed of course by a moment of total panic. See, when they called off their first wedding, Aunt Lily took off for San Francisco leaving Uncle Marshall with the unfortunate task of telling his entire family."
8827,30,2,8,"[FLASHBACK]Marshall (on the phone): Yeah, so now she's gone and the wedding's off. What do you call someone who just takes off and leaves like that? What do you call that? I think that that's a little strong. I can't even believe you would use a word like that. Geez, Grandma."
8828,30,2,8,[END OF FLASHBACK]
8829,30,2,8,"Lily: Man, I made a big mess by canceling this wedding, didn't I?"
8830,30,2,8,"Marshall: It's okay, baby. You're not just realizing that now, are you?"
8831,30,2,8,"Lily: God, the idea of standing up there in front of all those people who hate my guts... Just makes me want to run off to Atlantic City and get married today."
8832,30,2,8,Marshall: Yeah...
8833,30,2,8,Metro News One station.
8834,30,2,8,Robin: Coming up at 11:00: Are there piranhas in the East River? What you don't know... could eat you.
8835,30,2,8,Marshall: Robin! Stop the news!
8836,30,2,8,Woman: What the hell?
8837,30,2,8,Robin: It's okay. They're my friends.
8838,30,2,8,Lily: We're going to Atlantic City to elope. You got to come with us.
8839,30,2,8,"Robin: Oh, my God, that is so fantastic! I don't know if I can just leave work."
8840,30,2,8,"Woman: It's okay, Mike can read the news tonight. (To the cameraman) Hey, Mike... You can read, right?"
8841,30,2,8,"Mike: Yeah, I'm the best at reading."
8842,30,2,8,Robin: Let's go to Atlantic City!
8843,30,2,8,All: Yeah!
8844,30,2,8,Ted's office.
8845,30,2,8,"Ted: You guys are eloping! Oh, that's fantastic. Wait, is this because there's a time crunch Uncle Ted should know about?"
8846,30,2,8,Lily: I hope not because I plan on getting hammered.
8847,30,2,8,"Ted: Guys, this sounds like so much fun, but I can't really take off work. I'm kind of important around here, you know? I'm the project manager."
8848,30,2,8,"Lily: Ted, for the rest of our lives, we are going to be telling the amazing story of how we went to Atlantic City and got married. Don't you want to be in that story?"
8849,30,2,8,Ted: Of course I do. Let's go to Atlantic City!
8850,30,2,8,Marshall: Yeah!
8851,30,2,8,"Ted: Oh, but when we tell the story, can you leave out the part where I hesitate?"
8852,30,2,8,Marshall: You got it.
8853,30,2,8,Pedicure's place.
8854,30,2,8,"Barney: Hey, guys."
8855,30,2,8,Ted: Wow. A pedicure.
8856,30,2,8,"Barney: Uh, if there were any shame in a dude getting a pedicure I don't think there would have been a feature about it in Details magazine."
8857,30,2,8,Lily: We're going to Atlantic City to elope right now!
8858,30,2,8,"Barney: Oh, congratulations, Lily. Marshall, you're getting married? What the hell?"
8859,30,2,8,Marshall: So are you in or not?
8860,30,2,8,"Barney: Hell, yeah, I'm in! Just... I'm almost done."
8861,30,2,8,"Marshall: No, we got to get going to the..."
8862,30,2,8,"Lily: Well, actually, I mean... It is my wedding day, and since we're here..."
8863,30,2,8,Ted from 2030: So we all got a pedicure and then headed down... to Atlantic City.
8864,30,2,8,A casino in Atlantic City.
8865,30,2,8,Lily: Wow. Look at this place. I guess I'll have my pick of something old.
8866,30,2,8,Marshall: And something blue. Somebody should really check on this lady.
8867,30,2,8,"Barney: Ah, A.C., always in decline, never hitting bottom. It's good to be back, old friend."
8868,30,2,8,Ted: You been here before?
8869,30,2,8,"Barney: Oh, uh, once or twice."
8870,30,2,8,Chinese 1: Barney!
8871,30,2,8,"Barney: Ah, good to see you, too. Three times, maybe."
8872,30,2,8,Lily: The wedding chapel... This is it. Are you ready to do this?
8873,30,2,8,Marshall: I'm ready. Let's get married.
8874,30,2,8,"Barney, Ted and Robin: Yeah."
8875,30,2,8,"Lily: Oh, crap. I don't have a veil. I'm a bride, I can't get married without a veil. And a bouquet. I need a veil and a bouquet. Oh, my God, we're getting married."
8876,30,2,8,"Robin: Don't worry. Relax. We'll get you a veil, honey."
8877,30,2,8,"Lily: Oh, Robin, that's a really cute outfit."
8878,30,2,8,"Robin: Oh, really? Thanks."
8879,30,2,8,"Lily: Yeah, it has to go. I'm the bride, you can't look better than me."
8880,30,2,8,Robin: Done. (She leaves)
8881,30,2,8,Lily: I'm going to get the bouquet. You guys get the veil. We'll meet in the chapel in 20 minutes. Ready? Break. (She leaves)
8882,30,2,8,Ted: You guys want to go gamble?
8883,30,2,8,"Marshall: No, we got to go get the veil."
8884,30,2,8,"Ted: Or we looked everywhere, and we couldn't find one."
8885,30,2,8,"Marshall: Yeah, okay."
8886,30,2,8,"Barney: No, you guys go ahead. I'm going to find the veil. (He leaves)"
8887,30,2,8,"Ted: So this is it, right? The last 20 minutes of your single life. I'm proud of you, buddy."
8888,30,2,8,Marshall: Thanks.
8889,30,2,8,Ted: How are you feeling?
8890,30,2,8,"Marshall: Great, a little nervous."
8891,30,2,8,Ted: Yeah? Craps?
8892,30,2,8,Marshall: Not that nervous.
8893,30,2,8,"Ted: No, I mean do you want to play craps."
8894,30,2,8,"Marshall: Oh, yeah, definitely."
8895,30,2,8,"Barney: Okay, I got the veil. She wasn't ready to be married. All right, let's talk bachelor party. Are we thinking full-on strip club, or should we rent a room and have a private toy show?"
8896,30,2,8,Ted: What did you just say?
8897,30,2,8,"Marshall: Barney, no."
8898,30,2,8,"Barney: Marshall, I'm your best man."
8899,30,2,8,Marshall: You're not my best man.
8900,30,2,8,Ted: Right here.
8901,30,2,8,"Barney: And as your best man, I have to throw you a bachelor party. That's part of being a best friend."
8902,30,2,8,Marshall: You're not my best friend.
8903,30,2,8,Ted: Right here.
8904,30,2,8,"Marshall: Barney, I don't have any time for a bachelor party. I've got, like, 18 minutes."
8905,30,2,8,Ted: 18 minutes...
8906,30,2,8,18 minutes later.
8907,30,2,8,"Lily: Oh, good. Did you get the veil?"
8908,30,2,8,Barney: Of course.
8909,30,2,8,Marshall: And it took us exactly 18 minutes. We went to a strip club.
8910,30,2,8,Ted: Dude!
8911,30,2,8,Barney: Unbelievable!
8912,30,2,8,Marshall: We weren't there for very long. It's not like I had time to have a lap dance or anything. I got a lap dance.
8913,30,2,8,Lily: Your last lap dance ever.
8914,30,2,8,Marshall: Right. What?
8915,30,2,8,"Robin (arriving, wearing a ""shirt boobs""): Okay, I'm here. Right?"
8916,30,2,8,"Ted: Oh, God, the things people waste money on in Atlantic City."
8917,30,2,8,Robin: Does it smell like strippers in here?
8918,30,2,8,"Ted: That's weird, right? Marshall and Lily are getting married!"
8919,30,2,8,"Lily: Hell, yeah, look at this. (She turns on her musical bouquet, playing the Wedding March)"
8920,30,2,8,"Marshall: Oh, baby, this is it. Let's do this thing."
8921,30,2,8,Lily: Hi. We're here to get married.
8922,30,2,8,Woman: Congratulations. We offer a variety of packages to give you the special day you've always dreamed about.
8923,30,2,8,Marshall: We don't want any of that. Just your basic quickie wedding will be fine.
8924,30,2,8,"Woman: Yeah. You know this isn't Vegas, right?"
8925,30,2,8,"Robin: Well, sure. In Vegas, the casinos pump in oxygen. Here, it looks like everyone brought their own."
8926,30,2,8,Ted (looking at Robin's shirt): What?
8927,30,2,8,Woman: It also takes three days to get a marriage license in New Jersey. The earliest I could book you for is Monday.
8928,30,2,8,"Lily: No, no, no, it has to be today. That's the whole point."
8929,30,2,8,"Woman: Look, I don't know what to say, but if you guys don't want to book a wedding for Monday or play a round of keno, I can't help you. Thirty-five."
8930,30,2,8,"Ted: Wait, I don't understand, people get married in Atlantic City all the time."
8931,30,2,8,"Woman: Yes, they do, but they don't elope. They choose Atlantic City for its white sand beaches, world-class amenities, and exotic Riviera feel."
8932,30,2,8,Lily: Have you been outside?
8933,30,2,8,Ted: There is half an orca whale rotting not 20 feet from the cabana.
8934,30,2,8,"Marshall: You guys, take it easy, guys. Are you sure about this?"
8935,30,2,8,"Woman: About the marriage laws of the state where I work in a wedding chapel? Yeah, I'm pretty sure."
8936,30,2,8,Barney: Bright side: the bachelor party continues!
8937,30,2,8,"Ted: Yes! Continues? You mean ""start."" He means ""start."" We went to a strip club."
8938,30,2,8,
8939,30,2,8,Woman: Twenty-seven.
8940,30,2,8,Lily: Is there any way that we could get a license today?
8941,30,2,8,"Woman: You could go to the courthouse. In some extreme circumstances, the waiting period can be waived, but you have to have a good reason."
8942,30,2,8,"Lily: Well, we're in love."
8943,30,2,8,Marshall: What better reason could there be?
8944,30,2,8,"Woman: The last one I heard was, ""I'm going to Iraq tomorrow to defend my country,"" but, you know, give yours a whirl."
8945,30,2,8,Ted from 2030: So we went to the courthouse.
8946,30,2,8,Courthouse.
8947,30,2,8,"Marshall: God, this is taking forever."
8948,30,2,8,Robin (to Ted): Can't believe they're getting married.
8949,30,2,8,"Ted: I know. I am so proud of these two. After all they've been through. In fact, that crazy road has led them all the way here to Atlantic City..."
8950,30,2,8,"Robin: Ted, up here."
8951,30,2,8,Ted: Uhm?
8952,30,2,8,Robin: You were just staring at my shirt boobs.
8953,30,2,8,"Ted: No! I wasn't. I was checking out the hot body underneath the shirt. Okay, look, maybe I was looking at your shirt, but it's a, it's a funny, funny shirt."
8954,30,2,8,"Chinese 2: Hey, it's Barney! Barney!"
8955,30,2,8,Barney: Hi.
8956,30,2,8,Chinese 2: (speaks Chinese language)...suit up! (both speak Chinese language) Legen-...-dary!
8957,30,2,8,Barney: See you.
8958,30,2,8,Ted: What the hell was that?
8959,30,2,8,Barney: A... Chinese guy?
8960,30,2,8,"Marshall: Hi. Hello. Uh, we need a marriage license, but we need to skip the waiting period because... We're in love."
8961,30,2,8,Woman 2: Aw. I'm gonna waive this waiting period right now.
8962,30,2,8,"Lily: Oh, really?!"
8963,30,2,8,"Woman 2: Is what I would say if I could waive the waiting period, but unfortunately, only a judge can do that."
8964,30,2,8,"Lily: Oh. Well, so can we see a judge?"
8965,30,2,8,Woman 2: Absolutely.
8966,30,2,8,Lily: Really?!
8967,30,2,8,"Woman 2: Is what I would say if there was any chance of you seeing a judge today, which there isn't."
8968,30,2,8,Marshall: Why are you doing this to us?!
8969,30,2,8,Woman 2: 'Cause you're on Candid Camera!
8970,30,2,8,Robin: Really?!
8971,30,2,8,Woman 2: Is what I would say...
8972,30,2,8,Marshall: You know what? We get it.
8973,30,2,8,"In a corridor, on a bench."
8974,30,2,8,"Lily: Okay, this is a good plan B. Judges are people. People go to the bathroom. A judge is bound to come by eventually, and we'll get married. I'm sure we won't be waiting long."
8975,30,2,8,(Image fading in old people on the bench)
8976,30,2,8,"Marshall: Geez, you go to a vending machine for 30 seconds."
8977,30,2,8,Barney: Vultures.
8978,30,2,8,Ted (to Robin): Psst. (They move away)
8979,30,2,8,Robin: What? Here?
8980,30,2,8,Ted: Yeah. Got a little time to kill.
8981,30,2,8,"Robin: Oh, my God, it's the T-shirt, isn't it?"
8982,30,2,8,Ted: No. A little.
8983,30,2,8,Robin: Something is seriously wrong with you.
8984,30,2,8,"Ted: So what, is that a no?"
8985,30,2,8,"Robin: All right, let's do it."
8986,30,2,8,"Ted: All right. Um, also...?"
8987,30,2,8,"Robin: Yes, I'll leave it on."
8988,30,2,8,Ted: Sweet.
8989,30,2,8,"Barney: Guys, let's bail. This is never gonna happen."
8990,30,2,8,"Lily: Look, I know this is turning into a bit of a disaster, but believe me, it's better than the alternative."
8991,30,2,8,"Barney: You throwing a big, free party with lots of booze and food and all your single, desperate girlfriends from college? Yeah, glad we dodged that bullet."
8992,30,2,8,"Lily: Judge! Judge, come on. Come on, come on, come on!"
8993,30,2,8,Judge's office. Lily turns on her musical bouquet.
8994,30,2,8,Judge: Turn it off.
8995,30,2,8,Lily: Okay. May we please get married today?
8996,30,2,8,"Judge: Now, normally I would say no to a request like that, but you two impress me. Just the fact that you've been together for ten years, standing by each other's side through thick and thin, never wavering. What was that?"
8997,30,2,8,Lily: What was what?
8998,30,2,8,Judge: That little look. What was that?
8999,30,2,8,Marshall: A look of love.
9000,30,2,8,"Judge: You two have stood together through thick and thin, right?"
9001,30,2,8,"Marshall: You know, what's thick? what's thin?"
9002,30,2,8,"Lily: Yeah, I mean, all... yeah."
9003,30,2,8,Marshall: I have.
9004,30,2,8,"Judge: All right, what was that look? What's going on?"
9005,30,2,8,Barney: They broke up over the summer. Lily totally ran off to San Francisco and these two just had s*x in the closet. What? We're under oath.
9006,30,2,8,"Ted: No, we're not."
9007,30,2,8,"Barney: Yeah, we are. He's a judge."
9008,30,2,8,Ted: Wh-- Did we take an oath? Do you even know what an oath is?
9009,30,2,8,"Barney: Uh, yeah. Courthouse. Oath. We're under it."
9010,30,2,8,Casino.
9011,30,2,8,Marshall: Guys. It's looking like this isn't gonna happen.
9012,30,2,8,"Lily: No, Marshall, we are gonna get married today."
9013,30,2,8,"Marshall: Baby, anyplace we go, we're gonna need a marriage license."
9014,30,2,8,Lily: Except international waters. So let's find a ship captain. A ship captain can marry us. There's boats all over this place.
9015,30,2,8,"Ted: Oh, is that what those wooden things are floating between the garbage?"
9016,30,2,8,Lily: This is a great idea. This is gonna work. Let's go. (To a woman) Excuse me. Are you a ship captain?
9017,30,2,8,Woman: This is my machine.
9018,30,2,8,Marshall: I should go talk to her.
9019,30,2,8,"Robin: No, let me."
9020,30,2,8,Ted: Blackjack?
9021,30,2,8,Marshall: Yeah.
9022,30,2,8,"Lily: Well, I found a guy who said he'd be willing to put his boat in my slip, so we're getting closer."
9023,30,2,8,"Robin: Okay, Lil, why is it so important to do this today?"
9024,30,2,8,"Lily: Because... If we don't do it today, I just know we're gonna wind up having a huge wedding with a huge crowd full of huge Midwestern people looking all disapproving and judging me while sipping little cups of mayonnaise and cracking runaway bride jokes all night long."
9025,30,2,8,Robin: Nobody's gonna do that.
9026,30,2,8,"Lily: No, they're not because I'm not gonna give them the chance. I'm gonna find a ship captain and we're gonna be married tonight."
9027,30,2,8,"Robin: Sweetie, this is crazy. You're never gonna find a ship capt..."
9028,30,2,8,"Marshall: Hey, Lily. Found a ship captain."
9029,30,2,8,Lily: What?
9030,30,2,8,Ted: Yeah. First guy we talked to. Ship captain. How great is that?
9031,30,2,8,"Lily: See? See, this is destiny. So, captain, can you take us out to international waters and marry us?"
9032,30,2,8,"Captain: I sure can. If there's two things I love, it's bringing people together in marriage and making $5,000."
9033,30,2,8,Marshall: What?
9034,30,2,8,"Lily: Deal. $5,000, okay, we can do that. Come on, everybody. Fork over your cash. Don't think. Just do it."
9035,30,2,8,Barney: I can get us that money.
9036,30,2,8,Ted: How?
9037,30,2,8,Barney: Have you noticed that all day today Chinese guys have been coming up and saying hi to me?
9038,30,2,8,Ted: Yes. Have you noticed I haven't asked about it because I'm too scared of the answer?
9039,30,2,8,"Barney: Well, those are my old gambling buddies. Truth is... I used to come here all the time. Play an old Chinese game called ""Shing Hasabu Shing"". Had a small gambling problem. Actually, it wasn't so small. I kind of lost my entire life's savings. But tonight, I don't know, I'm feeling hot. I think I can win us that money."
9040,30,2,8,"Robin: No, we're not letting you gamble all our money away."
9041,30,2,8,"Barney: Uh, it's not gambling if you absolutely know you're going to win. I'll get us that money. I swear it, nay... I oath it."
9042,30,2,8,"Ted from 2030: Now, I had been to a lot of casinos before that night, and I've been to a lot of casinos since, but in all that time I've never seen a game quite like this one. To this day, I have no idea how it was played. But luckily, Barney did."
9043,30,2,8,Lily: Do you understand what's happening?
9044,30,2,8,Ted: Not a clue.
9045,30,2,8,Robin: Do you think he's winning?
9046,30,2,8,Ted: I don't even know if he's playing.
9047,30,2,8,"Marshall: Wait, I get it. I understand this game."
9048,30,2,8,"Ted: No, you don't."
9049,30,2,8,"Marshall: I totally understand the game, Theodore. Barney, split your tiles. You can triple your money if you find the jellybean."
9050,30,2,8,"Barney: Marshall, please. Don't you think I know what I'm... My God, you're right."
9051,30,2,8,On the ship.
9052,30,2,8,Lily: Wow. It's beautiful.
9053,30,2,8,"Marshall: Thanks, Barney."
9054,30,2,8,"Barney: Did you guys see me? I was on fire tonight. Man, I can't wait to get back to the shore. God, I love gambling!"
9055,30,2,8,"Ted: When we get home, we're gonna go to a little meeting. Okay?"
9056,30,2,8,Barney: Why can't I do it just a little?
9057,30,2,8,Lily: Okay. Let's get this started.
9058,30,2,8,"Captain: Okay, uh... You guys want the serious one or the funny one?"
9059,30,2,8,"Oh, I think. Serious would be best."
9060,30,2,8,"Captain: You sure? I got a lot of great nautical jokes in there. Like how you two float each other's boat, stuff like that."
9061,30,2,8,"Marshall: Yeah, serious is probably good."
9062,30,2,8,"Captain: ""We stand witness today to celebrate the union of Lily and Marshall. Today, you two will become one, sharing your lives, the happiness, the sadness, the frustrations and the joy..."""
9063,30,2,8,Ted: This is pretty cool. I can't believe you never want to get married.
9064,30,2,8,"Robin: I never said ""never."""
9065,30,2,8,"Captain: ""...to declare your love and devotion to each other in front of friends and family, all the people who matter most to you."" What was that?"
9066,30,2,8,Marshall: What was what?
9067,30,2,8,Captain: That little look. You two just shared a look.
9068,30,2,8,Lily: We don't want to do this.
9069,30,2,8,Marshall: We don't.
9070,30,2,8,Ted: Are you kidding me? You guys are calling off another wedding?
9071,30,2,8,Robin: After I spent all this money on a bridesmaid shirt?
9072,30,2,8,"Barney: Did I bet someone that they'd call it off? I did, didn't I? Who'd I bet?"
9073,30,2,8,Ted: You actually expect any of us are gonna come to your third wedding?
9074,30,2,8,"Lily: Yes. Because it's gonna be amazing. Look, before I was afraid to face Marshall's family and I didn't want to do all that work, but... Now that we're here... I realize that I have to face Marshall's family and I really want to do all that work."
9075,30,2,8,"Marshall: So do I. And yeah... My family might still be upset with you. But when they see us up there, they're gonna see how much we love each other and none of that other stuff is gonna matter."
9076,30,2,8,"Lily: I love you, Marshmallow."
9077,30,2,8,"Marshall: I love you, too, Lilypad."
9078,30,2,8,Captain: I now pronounce you man and wife.
9079,30,2,8,Lily: What?!
9080,30,2,8,Captain: Is that not right?
9081,30,2,8,Marshall: Are... we married? Did you just marry us? Weren't you listening? We don't want to be married.
9082,30,2,8,Captain: Uh... I-I suppose I could unpronounce you.
9083,30,2,8,Both Marshall and Lily: Unpronounce us! Unpronounce us!
9084,30,2,8,"Captain: All right, I unpronounce you man and wife."
9085,30,2,8,"Lily: Oh, whew... That was close."
9086,30,2,8,Ted from 2030: And that's the story of how Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily got married for 12 seconds somewhere off the coast of Atlantic City.
9087,30,2,8,The apartment.
9088,30,2,8,"Ted (wearing Robin's shirt boobs): Hey, guys."
9089,30,2,8,Marshall: Hey... Ted.
9090,30,2,8,Lily: Is Robin here?
9091,31,2,9,INT. KITCHEN
9092,31,2,9,"(Robin cooking, Ted walks in)"
9093,31,2,9,Future Ted VO:...learn about relationships is that you're never done getting to know someone.
9094,31,2,9,Everyone has secrets. Some are nice.
9095,31,2,9,Ted: You know how to make crepes? That is so cool.
9096,31,2,9,(Ted and Robin kiss)
9097,31,2,9,INT. TED'S BEDROOM
9098,31,2,9,(Robin and Ted sitting in his bed)
9099,31,2,9,Future Ted VO: Some aren't as nice.
9100,31,2,9,"Robin: And then there was Derek and counting you, that puts the total up to..."
9101,31,2,9,"Ted: Oh, I got your total...counting along..."
9102,31,2,9,INT. MACLAREN'S
9103,31,2,9,"(Robin, Ted, Marshall and Lily sitting at booth)"
9104,31,2,9,Future Ted VO: And some are just weird.
9105,31,2,9,Ted: You're scared of the Seven Dwarfs?
9106,31,2,9,"Robin: Just Doc. He's creepy. I mean, the guy went to medical school. What's he doing living with six coal miners?"
9107,31,2,9,(Barney runs in)
9108,31,2,9,"Barney: Oh, man, I'm so excited. I couldn't sleep last night. I bet you guys couldn't either."
9109,31,2,9,Robin: Why?
9110,31,2,9,"Barney: Ah, only the gala event for the grand opening of Sharper Image's 500th store. Didn't you get my email?"
9111,31,2,9,"Robin: No, I blocked your address after the fourth time you sent me the video of the monkey sniffing his own butt."
9112,31,2,9,"Barney: Come on, it's on me! I'm buying three of you foot massagers and one of you a nose hair trimmer. You know who you are."
9113,31,2,9,"(Marshall looks at Lily then looks down, Lily strokes his shoulder)"
9114,31,2,9,"Barney: Come on, let's go."
9115,31,2,9,"Robin: All right, I'm in."
9116,31,2,9,"(Robin, Ted, Marshall and Lily get up to leave)"
9117,31,2,9,Barney: To the Willowbrook Mall!
9118,31,2,9,"Ted, Marshall: To the Willowbrook Mall!"
9119,31,2,9,"Robin: Oh, it's at a mall? I'm not going."
9120,31,2,9,Ted: What? Why not?
9121,31,2,9,Robin: I just don't feel like going to a mall.
9122,31,2,9,Lily: We can split a cinnabun.
9123,31,2,9,"Robin: No, I'm really not gonna go."
9124,31,2,9,"Ted: Come on, it'll be fun."
9125,31,2,9,"Robin: No, I don't go to malls! Sorry, I just don't like malls."
9126,31,2,9,Barney: Why not?
9127,31,2,9,Robin: I'd rather not say.
9128,31,2,9,"(Barney, Lily, Marshall walk closer to Robin and talk over each other)"
9129,31,2,9,"Ted: Guys, guys, guys, Robin doesn't like malls. If she doesn't want to tell us why, she doesn't have to. I think we should all just respect her privacy."
9130,31,2,9,Robin: Thanks Ted.
9131,31,2,9,INT. TED'S BEDROOM
9132,31,2,9,(Ted and Robin lie in bed together)
9133,31,2,9,"Ted: So, what's the deal with you and malls?"
9134,31,2,9,"Robin: You said if I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't have to."
9135,31,2,9,"Ted: Yeah, with those people. I'm your boyfriend. Come on, what is it? Did you get arrested in a mall?"
9136,31,2,9,Robin: No.
9137,31,2,9,Ted: Dumped in a mall?
9138,31,2,9,Robin: Ted.
9139,31,2,9,Ted: Found out you were Canadian at a mall?
9140,31,2,9,Robin: Let it go.
9141,31,2,9,Ted: Trapped under a fake boulder at the mall? Robin: Let it go.
9142,31,2,9,Ted: Mauled at the mall?
9143,31,2,9,"Robin: Let it go. And who gets trapped under a fake boulder at the mall? Ted: Not me in Ohio when I was nine, that's for sure."
9144,31,2,9,OPENING CREDITS
9145,31,2,9,INT. MACLAREN'S
9146,31,2,9,"(Lily, Marshall, Ted and Barney sit around booth)"
9147,31,2,9,"Ted: What, I don't get it, why won't Robin tell me why she hates malls?"
9148,31,2,9,"Barney: Ted, you should be happy Robin has a secret. The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal 'oh' moment."
9149,31,2,9,Marshall: The 'oh' moment?
9150,31,2,9,"Barney: Yeah, that moment when you find out that one detail about a person that is going to be a deal breaker."
9151,31,2,9,(flashback to Barney talking to a girl at the bar)
9152,31,2,9,Girl #1: It's a promise ring. I made a pact with God to stay a virgin till I'm married.
9153,31,2,9,Barney: Oh.
9154,31,2,9,(Barney moves to leave)
9155,31,2,9,(flashback of Barney talking to a different girl at a table in the bar)
9156,31,2,9,"Girl #2: I don't have an eating disorder. It's just when I put food in my mouth, I chew it and then I spit it out."
9157,31,2,9,Barney: Oh.
9158,31,2,9,(Barney gets up to leave)
9159,31,2,9,(flashback of Barney talking to another girl by the jukebox)
9160,31,2,9,Girl #3: I just turned 30.
9161,31,2,9,Barney: Oh.
9162,31,2,9,(Barney turns around a walks away)
9163,31,2,9,(back to present scene)
9164,31,2,9,"Barney: So, trust me, you want to postpone knowing anything about each other for as long as possible."
9165,31,2,9,"Ted: I disagree. If there's some potential 'oh' moment, I want to know about it right away. I mean, what's the alternative?"
9166,31,2,9,(flash forward to Ted and Robin marriage scenario)
9167,31,2,9,Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife.
9168,31,2,9,(Ted lifts Robin's veil)
9169,31,2,9,Ted: I love you.
9170,31,2,9,Robin: I used to be a dude.
9171,31,2,9,(back to present scene)
9172,31,2,9,"Lily: Yeah, I agree with Ted. In a real relationship, you share everything. That's why Marshall and I don't keep any secrets."
9173,31,2,9,"Barney: You are such a cutie pie. Here's a quarter, go play something on the jukebox."
9174,31,2,9,Ted: It's true. They tell each other everything.
9175,31,2,9,Barney: I can think of tons of things there's no way Marshall told you
9176,31,2,9,Lily: Try me.
9177,31,2,9,Barney: Do you know about the time the Marshall was in Trenton?
9178,31,2,9,Lily: Doggie ate his pants. Yep.
9179,31,2,9,Barney: Bill's bachelor party in Memphis.
9180,31,2,9,"Lily: Oh, when they had to pump out all the nickels from his stomach?"
9181,31,2,9,"Barney: OK, Seattle."
9182,31,2,9,"Lily: Trick question, Marshall's never been to the Pacific Northwest because he's afraid of Sasquatch."
9183,31,2,9,Barney: Damn.
9184,31,2,9,Marshall: I'm not afraid of Sasquatch. I just think we should all be on alert.
9185,31,2,9,"Ted: Trust me, not only do they tell each other everything. They want to know everything."
9186,31,2,9,(flashback of Marshall and Lily sitting at table talking while Ted sits on couch watching TV in their apartment)
9187,31,2,9,"Marshall: So, after the shower, I was brushing my teeth, and I was like, oh man, I wanted to have some orange juice, I should have done that first, but I already had the toothpaste on the toothbrush so I just went ahead and brushed them anyway."
9188,31,2,9,Lily: What happened next?
9189,31,2,9,(Ted rolls his eyes)
9190,31,2,9,"(back to present scene) Ted: Yeah, meanwhile, Robin tells me nothing."
9191,31,2,9,"Barney: Fine, do you want to know what Robin's secret is?"
9192,31,2,9,Ted: You know?
9193,31,2,9,"Barney: Of course I know. She couldn't look at us. Her face got flushed. That's shame. Our friend, Robin, used to do p0rn, wait for it, ography."
9194,31,2,9,"Ted: Yeah, we didn't really have to wait for that. And it's ridiculous."
9195,31,2,9,"Lily: I don't know, he could be right. She does have the fake orgasm noises down."
9196,31,2,9,Ted: Hey.
9197,31,2,9,Lily: What? The walls are thin.
9198,31,2,9,Ted: That's not what I'm hey-ing you about.
9199,31,2,9,Marshall: You know what it might be. This is gonna sound a little crazy but what if robin's married?
9200,31,2,9,Ted: Married? What does have to do with the mall?
9201,31,2,9,"Marshall: Well, maybe she got married at the mall. Back home in Minnesota a ton of people would get married at the Mall of America, it's great. It's a gorgeous indoor golf course for pictures. Numerous fine dining options, and talk about a reasonable price..."
9202,31,2,9,Lily: We're not getting married at the mall.
9203,31,2,9,Marshall: Just meet with the guy.
9204,31,2,9,Ted: She's not married. Robin hates marriage.
9205,31,2,9,"Marshall: Because she already got married, at the mall."
9206,31,2,9,"Lily: No, because before Robin moved to New York, she...What was she doing?"
9207,31,2,9,"Ted: Well, I don't know, whenever I ask her about Canada, she kinda clams up."
9208,31,2,9,Marshall: She's a pretty private person.
9209,31,2,9,Lily: Except when she's talking about...
9210,31,2,9,(flashback to Robin and Lily talking at bar)
9211,31,2,9,Robin: A friend of mine in Canada got married way too young and it really turned her off to marriage.
9212,31,2,9,"(flashback to Lily and Robin on couch looking at wedding magazines, Marshall sits behind them in his desk studying)"
9213,31,2,9,Lily: What do you think of this wedding cake?
9214,31,2,9,"Robin: Oh, I like it. Hey, you remember that friend of mine in Canada who got married too young? Her wedding cake was a Mrs. Field's giant cookie."
9215,31,2,9,"(Marshall looks up and smiles widely, Lily looks at him and shakes her head)"
9216,31,2,9,Lily: No.
9217,31,2,9,(Marshall stops smiling and resumes his studying)
9218,31,2,9,"(flashback to Barney, Lily, Marshall, Ted and Robin sitting around booth at MacLaren's)"
9219,31,2,9,"Robin: My friend in Canada who got married way too young, they had to do their vows twice, once in French."
9220,31,2,9,Barney: They speak French there too? God! That place is a mess.
9221,31,2,9,(back to present scene)
9222,31,2,9,"Ted: So, you don't think there's any friend from Canada?"
9223,31,2,9,"Marshall: Oh, I'm sure there is. Just like I have a friend who wet his bed till he was ten. Use your brain, Ted."
9224,31,2,9,"Barney: Guys, there's not way Robin's married. It's ludicrous to even suggest it."
9225,31,2,9,Ted: Thank you Barney.
9226,31,2,9,Barney: 'Cause it's p0rn.
9227,31,2,9,Ted: I need another beer.
9228,31,2,9,(Ted gets up and leaves booth)
9229,31,2,9,Marshall: Robin is not in p0rn. I'll bet you anything that she's married.
9230,31,2,9,"Barney: 20,000 says it's p0rn."
9231,31,2,9,"Marshall: I don't have 20,000."
9232,31,2,9,"Barney: Well then, what do you have?"
9233,31,2,9,Marshall: Well.
9234,31,2,9,(Marshall looks at Lily)
9235,31,2,9,Lily: No.
9236,31,2,9,Barney: I got it. The ultimate wager. Slap bet.
9237,31,2,9,"Ted: Oh, slap bet. We used to do those when I was a kid."
9238,31,2,9,Lily: What the hell's a slap bet?
9239,31,2,9,"Marshall: Whoever's right gets to slap the other person in the face as hard as they possibly can, but no rings."
9240,31,2,9,Lily: Are you really gonna do that? That's so immature. Marshall: You can be Slap Bet Commissioner.
9241,31,2,9,"Lily: Oh, I love it. What are my powers?"
9242,31,2,9,"Marshall: Um, if a problem arises and we need a ruling, that's your job. Barney: But you have to be unbiased and put the integrity of slap bet above all else. This is an honor you will take with you to your grave. On your tombstone, it will read ""Lily Aldrin, caring wife, loving friend, Slap Bet Commissioner."""
9243,31,2,9,"Marshall: And your tombstone will read, ""got slapped by Marshall so hard, he died."""
9244,31,2,9,(Ted comes back and sits down at booth)
9245,31,2,9,"Ted: All right, what if I ask Robin point-blank if she has a husband?"
9246,31,2,9,Lily: You said you would respect her privacy so maybe you should just drop it.
9247,31,2,9,"Ted: Yeah, you're right."
9248,31,2,9,INT. APARTMENT
9249,31,2,9,"(Robin and Ted sit on ground around table playing Scrabble, Ted plays a word)"
9250,31,2,9,Ted: Husband.
9251,31,2,9,Robin: There's no 'p' in husband.
9252,31,2,9,"Ted: Wow, you seem to know a lot about husbands."
9253,31,2,9,(Robin looks at Ted)
9254,31,2,9,"Ted: Fine, I'll take it back."
9255,31,2,9,(Ted takes back his tiles)
9256,31,2,9,"Ted: Oh, hey, since you mentioned husbands, this is great, you're gonna love this. Marshall, you know Marshall. He thinks that the reason you didn't wanna go to the mall the other day is because you got married in a mall and have a husband in Canada."
9257,31,2,9,Robin: Huh.
9258,31,2,9,"Ted: I told him he's crazy because he's crazy, right? I mean, how crazy is that?"
9259,31,2,9,"Robin: Are you asking me if I'm married? Ted: You can ask me. Nope, I'm not married. Your turn."
9260,31,2,9,"Robin: What happened to respecting my privacy? Ted: Just say, ""no, I'm not married."""
9261,31,2,9,"Robin: Ted, I don't understand why you can't..."
9262,31,2,9,"Ted: Just say, ""no, I'm not married."""
9263,31,2,9,"Robin: I can't. Marshall's right. I was young and I got married. It was a mistake and he moved away, but, yeah, I'm married."
9264,31,2,9,Ted: Oh.
9265,31,2,9,(return from commercial break)
9266,31,2,9,Ted: You have a husband? Robin: I was young and stupid and we got married at a mall and we broke up at a mall and I haven't been to a mall since.
9267,31,2,9,Ted: Why didn't you get divorced?
9268,31,2,9,"Robin: He moved to Hong Kong for work and I was like, good enough."
9269,31,2,9,"Ted: Good... good enough. That's not good enough. You order pancakes and you get waffles, that's good enough."
9270,31,2,9,Robin: I haven't seen him in years. It's just a part of my life I wanna forget. Just please don't tell anyone about this.
9271,31,2,9,Ted: OK.
9272,31,2,9,
9273,31,2,9,INT. MACLAREN'S
9274,31,2,9,(Marshall slaps Barney)
9275,31,2,9,Barney: Your hand is monstrous.
9276,31,2,9,"Marshall: Well, what did you expect? You've seen my pen1s."
9277,31,2,9,"(Lily, Marshall, Ted and Barney sit down at booth)"
9278,31,2,9,Lily: I can't believe you told us Robin's secret.
9279,31,2,9,Ted: How can I keep something like that to myself? And you begged me to tell you.
9280,31,2,9,Lily: No I didn't.
9281,31,2,9,(flashback to '30 seconds earlier')
9282,31,2,9,"Lily: Please tell us, just tell us. I'm begging you. Tell us, tell us, tell us, please, please, please, please, please."
9283,31,2,9,"Ted: Fine, Robin's married."
9284,31,2,9,Marshall: Ha ha ha.
9285,31,2,9,(Marshall slaps Barney)
9286,31,2,9,(back to present scene)
9287,31,2,9,"Lily: Yeah, well, you still shouldn't have told us. I mean, what kind of boyfriend are you?"
9288,31,2,9,"Ted: See, that's just it. I'm not the boyfriend, I'm the mistress. No, not the mistress. The mastress. Master. What do you call it?"
9289,31,2,9,Barney: I'm pretty sure we're gonna call is mistress.
9290,31,2,9,Ted: What am I gonna do? My girlfriend's married. Do I ask her to get a divorce?
9291,31,2,9,"Lily: Ted, even if she is married, it's a Canadian marriage. It's like their money or their army. Nobody takes it seriously."
9292,31,2,9,Ted: It's serious to me.
9293,31,2,9,"Marshall: You know what, in some countries, if you've been separated for longer than five years, technicall, you're no longer married. I can check it out at the law library at school."
9294,31,2,9,(Marshall laughs)
9295,31,2,9,Marshall: I can see my hand print on your face.
9296,31,2,9,"Barney: Don't get too cocky, Slappy. I just got a shipment of p0rn from Canada I have to go through."
9297,31,2,9,Marshall: I won the bet. Why are you still searching?
9298,31,2,9,Barney: Just because you were right doesn't mean I'm wrong.
9299,31,2,9,"Lily: Oh, right, like you need an excuse to watch p0rn."
9300,31,2,9,"Barney: Canadian p0rn. Trust me when I tell you their universal health care system doesn't cover breast implants. If I have to sit through one more flat-chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni, I'll go ""oat"" of my mind."
9301,31,2,9,INT. APARTMENT
9302,31,2,9,"(Marshall enters through front door, Ted working at his drafting table)"
9303,31,2,9,Ted: Hey.
9304,31,2,9,"Marshall: Hey. Listen, dude, I gotta talk to you, but you gotta promise me that you won't tell Barney."
9305,31,2,9,"Ted: Fine, I won't tell Barney. What is it?"
9306,31,2,9,Marshall: Robin's not married.
9307,31,2,9,"Ted: What? Then, why would she tell me she was?"
9308,31,2,9,Marshall: I don't know but I cross-checked every record in Canada. There's no record of her ever being married.
9309,31,2,9,Ted: There must be some mistake.
9310,31,2,9,"Marshall: I promise you, she's not married. She's not great at parking legally either."
9311,31,2,9,"Ted: So, she lied to me? What, what am I gonna do? I can't confront her 'cause then she'll know I told you."
9312,31,2,9,"Marshall: You gotta lawyer her. You gotta ask her a bunch of questions, try to trip her up, maybe make her feel guilty, whatever it takes to get a confession out of her."
9313,31,2,9,(Ted and Robin in apartment talking)
9314,31,2,9,"Ted: Thanks for telling me your secret. It means so much to me that you could be so, what's the word I'm looking for, honest."
9315,31,2,9,Robin: Thanks Ted.
9316,31,2,9,"Ted: Yeah, you know what's probably the best part about your honesty? How truthful it is."
9317,31,2,9,Robin: I say we just move on.
9318,31,2,9,"Ted: In order for me to get total closure on this whole my-girlfriend-has-a-husband thing, I think I'm gonna need a little bit more information. Like, what month did you get married? Robin: June. We had a June wedding."
9319,31,2,9,"Ted: Ah, Canada in June. That's great."
9320,31,2,9,Ted: Sit down or buffet.
9321,31,2,9,Robin: Um...
9322,31,2,9,Ted: Whoa. It's weird that you don't remember.
9323,31,2,9,"Robin: No, I just didn't know how to answer because we did butlered hors deouvres in the atrium, but the actual dinner was a buffet in the food court featuring a filet mignon or roasted potato-crusted salmon with a lobster scallion ber blanc."
9324,31,2,9,Ted: Hm. Band of DJ?
9325,31,2,9,"Robin: String quartet played at the ceremony, but for the actual reception we had a seven-piece band. We paid extra for the sax 'cause I just love that smooth alto sound."
9326,31,2,9,Ted: How many bridesmaids? Robin: Seven.
9327,31,2,9,Ted: Flowers? Robin: Azaleas.
9328,31,2,9,Ted: Color scheme?
9329,31,2,9,Robin: Dusty rose and sienna.
9330,31,2,9,Ted: Husband's name?
9331,31,2,9,Robin: Um.
9332,31,2,9,Ted: You were never married.
9333,31,2,9,Robin: Yes I was.
9334,31,2,9,Ted: No you weren't.
9335,31,2,9,Robin: How do you know?
9336,31,2,9,Ted: I looked it up at the library.
9337,31,2,9,Robin: What library?
9338,31,2,9,Ted: The one on 5th.
9339,31,2,9,Robin: When did you go?
9340,31,2,9,Ted: Today at lunch. And I had a an apple brie panini with potato salad....
9341,31,2,9,"Robin: I'm not questioning the lunch part, Ted. What database did you use?"
9342,31,2,9,Ted: I used the Canadian Mall Marriage 6000.
9343,31,2,9,"(Robin looks at Ted) Ted: Fine, Marshall looked it up in school."
9344,31,2,9,Robin: You told Marshall?
9345,31,2,9,Ted: You lied to me!
9346,31,2,9,"Robin: See, this is why I don't tell people secrets. You were supposed to be the one person I trusted the most and even you couldn't keep a secret."
9347,31,2,9,Ted: But it was a fake secret.
9348,31,2,9,"Robin: Yeah, I was testing you and you failed, and now you're never gonna know why I never go to the mall. And it's good too."
9349,31,2,9,"Ted: Testing me, that's insane."
9350,31,2,9,"Robin: Oh yeah, how long did it take for you to tell Marshall my biggest secret in the world?"
9351,31,2,9,Ted: That wasn't a real secret.
9352,31,2,9,"Robin: Yeah, but it could have been."
9353,31,2,9,Ted: You are driving me crazy. No wonder your fake husband moved to Hong Kong.
9354,31,2,9,Robin: He moved there for business.
9355,31,2,9,INT. MACLAREN'S
9356,31,2,9,"(Lily and Marshall sit at booth, Barney walks up to them)"
9357,31,2,9,"Barney: You, you got something to say to me?"
9358,31,2,9,Marshall: What are you talking about? Barney: I know Robin was never really married.
9359,31,2,9,Marshall: How could you possibly know that?
9360,31,2,9,"(Barney looks over at Lily, Lily squirms in her seat)"
9361,31,2,9,(flashback of Lily and Marshall talking in bed) Lily: And then I put on my pajamas and got into bed. What about you?
9362,31,2,9,"Marshall: Uh, let's see. Uh, first, I took the subway to school, and I got a bagel. Then I went to the library and found out Robin was never married. Crazy. And then I was hungry again so I went down to the vending machine..."
9363,31,2,9,(Lily looks away slowly looking disturbed)
9364,31,2,9,(back to present scene)
9365,31,2,9,"Marshall: You told him? Lily: I had to. I'm Slap Bet Commissioner. Baby, this hurts me more than it's gonna hurt you."
9366,31,2,9,Barney: Don't count on it. I've been practicing on a tree trunk.
9367,31,2,9,Lily: Barney gets three slaps.
9368,31,2,9,Marshall: Three?
9369,31,2,9,Lily: One because you lied. And two for being prematurely slapped. Three slaps.
9370,31,2,9,"(Barney slaps Marshall three times in quick succession, Marshall looks like he's going to cry)"
9371,31,2,9,Barney: Oh my God. Are you gonna cry? Marshall: No. You're gonna cry.
9372,31,2,9,INT. APARTMENT
9373,31,2,9,(Ted and Robin talking)
9374,31,2,9,Ted: I just don't think it's healthy to keep big secrets in a relationship. My parents didn't really talk to each other for thirty years and now they're divorced.
9375,31,2,9,"Robin: I have shared more of myself with you than I have ever shared with anyone. I'm asking for this one secret, which has nothing to do with us, to just be mine."
9376,31,2,9,"(front door opens, Barney, Lily and Marshall run in)"
9377,31,2,9,Barney: So I just got a very interesting phone call.
9378,31,2,9,Ted: What are you talking about?
9379,31,2,9,Barney: I know Robin's secret.
9380,31,2,9,Robin: What?
9381,31,2,9,"Barney: That's right, I know your secret, Robin. Or should I say Robin Sparkles? Robin: How do you know that name? Barney: 'Cause I know the truth. And I am about to show it to you right now."
9382,31,2,9,(Barney sits down at table and opens laptop)
9383,31,2,9,"Barney: Gather around, Ted, you're gonna wanna see this."
9384,31,2,9,Ted: Yeah. No I don't.
9385,31,2,9,(Ted closes laptop)
9386,31,2,9,Barney: What?
9387,31,2,9,Ted: Robin wants to keep this a secret so it's gonna stay a secret.
9388,31,2,9,"Barney: Yeah, it's not gonna stay a secret. You see, in my research, I came upon a certain gentleman in Malaysia who is in possession of a certain video tape. He just emailed me that it will be up and running on MySpace in about, right now!"
9389,31,2,9,(Barney opens up laptop)
9390,31,2,9,"Barney: Robin's world is about to be turned upside-down. I mean, I'm guessing."
9391,31,2,9,"Robin: Barney, don't, okay."
9392,31,2,9,"Barney: Robin, please don't panic. I'm only going to show enough to prove to Marshall that I was right."
9393,31,2,9,"Ted: No, Barney, I said we're not watching this."
9394,31,2,9,(Ted closes laptop)
9395,31,2,9,"Robin: No, it's time. Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do but if it's out there, there's no point in trying to hide it anymore. Let's just watch it and be done with it."
9396,31,2,9,(Barney opens laptop)
9397,31,2,9,Lily: Are you as terrified as I am?
9398,31,2,9,Marshall: I don't wanna get slapped again.
9399,31,2,9,Robin: I wanna stress that I was young.
9400,31,2,9,Barney: Yeah you were.
9401,31,2,9,Robin: And I didn't know any better.
9402,31,2,9,Barney: They never do.
9403,31,2,9,Robin: And it started out as an innocent modeling job.
9404,31,2,9,Barney: It always does.
9405,31,2,9,(video plays on laptop showing Robin Sparkles dressed as a school girl in a classroom with a teacher)
9406,31,2,9,"Robin Sparkles: Please, Mr. Johnson, I'm sorry I was a bad girl. Please don't give me detention. Isn't there something I can do to make it up to you?"
9407,31,2,9,(Robin Sparkles bites her lip)
9408,31,2,9,(Barney stops video)
9409,31,2,9,Ted: Oh my God.
9410,31,2,9,"Barney: Well, obviously, I've been proven right, so in the interest of Robin's dignity, I won't show anymore. Plus, it's getting late. It's already slap o'clock."
9411,31,2,9,(Barney slaps Marshall)
9412,31,2,9,Robin: What the hell was that?
9413,31,2,9,"Ted: I slap bet Marshall that you did p0rn, so I win."
9414,31,2,9,"Robin: p0rn? I wish it was p0rn, it would be less embarrassing."
9415,31,2,9,(Robin plays video)
9416,31,2,9,"Robin Sparkles: I know, how about I sing you a song!"
9417,31,2,9,(Robin Sparkles starts skipping)
9418,31,2,9,"(Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall look at the laptop with mouths agape, video keeps playing while everyone watches and makes comments)"
9419,31,2,9,"Robin Sparkles: Let's go the mall everybody! Come on, Jessica. Come on, Tori."
9420,31,2,9,Robin: I was a teenage pop star in Canada.
9421,31,2,9,"Robin Sparkles: Put on your jelly bracelets and your cool graffiti coat. At the mall, having fun is what it's all about."
9422,31,2,9,Lily: This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
9423,31,2,9,Marshall: That's you?
9424,31,2,9,Robin: Yes. I had one minor hit. I had to go all over Canada and sing this song in malls. For a whole year I lived off of Orange Juliuses and Wetzel's Pretzels.
9425,31,2,9,"Robin Sparkles: Everybody come and play. Throw every last care away. Let's go to the mall, today."
9426,31,2,9,Marshall: This is the 90's. Why does it look like 1986?
9427,31,2,9,Robin: The 80's didn't come to Canada till like '93.
9428,31,2,9,"Marshall: Taking a break from the first of many viewings, I can't help but notice that this isn't p0rn."
9429,31,2,9,Lily: And yet a slap occurred without the permission of the Slap Bet Commissioner.
9430,31,2,9,Marshall: Looks like someone suffered from premature slapulation
9431,31,2,9,"Ted: Oh my God, Robin's rapping. Guys, Robin's rapping."
9432,31,2,9,Robin Sparkles: Went to the mall with a couple of friends. Had a whole week's allowance to spend.
9433,31,2,9,"Lily: OK, I'm going to give you a choice. Either ten slaps right now in a row or five slaps that can be doled at any point from here to eternity."
9434,31,2,9,"Marshall, Ted: Cool."
9435,31,2,9,Ted: Go with the 10 now.
9436,31,2,9,"Robin: No, wait, why get 10 when you can get 5?"
9437,31,2,9,"Ted: Yeah, but the constant fear of knowing that at any moment you can get slapped in the face would drive you crazy."
9438,31,2,9,Barney: I'm gonna go with the five for eternity.
9439,31,2,9,Robin: Good call.
9440,31,2,9,Ted: Horrible call.
9441,31,2,9,(Marshall reaches over and Barney flinches)
9442,31,2,9,"Marshall: Relax, dude, I'm just going for my soda, man. Take it easy. This is gonna be fun."
9443,31,2,9,Robin Sparkles: Let's go to the mall today! Everybody loves the mall
9444,31,2,9,"Lily: So, just to be clear, you wanted everybody to go to the mall today?"
9445,31,2,9,"Barney: Wow, we're gonna watch this a lot. Robin: I even wore a bedazzled jean jacket."
9446,31,2,9,"Ted: Hey, just so you know, 16-year-old me would have been all over you. You could have been the girlfriend in Canada I told everyone I had. Hey, I'm really sorry I pried this out of you. I probably should have left it alone."
9447,31,2,9,"Robin: You know what, you know me better now. That feels kinda nice."
9448,31,2,9,(Ted and Robin kiss)
9449,31,2,9,"Lily, Marshall, Barney: Aw."
9450,31,2,9,(Marshall slaps Barney)
9451,31,2,9,Marshall: That's one.
9452,31,2,9,"Robin Sparkles: Everybody come and play. Throw every last care away. Let's go to the mall, today!"
9453,31,2,9,Barney: Did you have to laugh like that every time? Robin: Yes.
9454,31,2,9,Robin Sparkles: There's this boy I like. Met him at the food court. He's got hair like Gretzky and he does jumps on his skateboard. I hope he asks me out. Take me to my favorite spot. It'll be just him and me.
9455,31,2,9,Robot: But don't forget the robot.
9456,31,2,9,Marshall: The robot! Hey!
9457,31,2,9,(Marshall and Robin high-five)
9458,31,2,9,"Robin Sparkles: But, baby, I don't wanna wait."
9459,31,2,9,"Ted: No, she doesn't wanna wait."
9460,31,2,9,"Robin Sparkles: I'm gonna rock your body anyway. I'm going to rock your body 'til Canada Day. Everybody, come and play. Throw every last care away. Let's go to the mall, today! Today, today, today, today. Let's go to the mall (today). Let's go to the mall (today)..."
9461,32,2,10,"Ted (V.O.): Kids, there's nothing more wonderful than New York City in the winter... except the view of New York City in the winter through your apartment window.In the winter of 2006, Marshall, Lily, Robin and I were all deep in couple hibernation mode. Sadly, this left Uncle Barney out in the cold."
9462,32,2,10,Barney comes into the apartment.
9463,32,2,10,"Barney: Okay. All-night rave, abandoned tire factory in Newark. We're on the list. Who's in?"
9464,32,2,10,Ted: - Nope.
9465,32,2,10,Robin: - No.
9466,32,2,10,"Later, Barney comes back.."
9467,32,2,10,"Barney: Private jet. Teeterboro Airport, skinny-skydiving. Who's in?"
9468,32,2,10,Ted: - Nope.
9469,32,2,10,"Marshall, lily, Robin: - No, thanks."
9470,32,2,10,And again...
9471,32,2,10,"Barney: One beer. Bar, downstairs, 15 second walk. Who's in?"
9472,32,2,10,Marshall: Shh... Lily went sleepy-bye.
9473,32,2,10,"Ted (voix off): It got so bad, Barney tried to be his own wingman."
9474,32,2,10,Barney is at the bar talking to a girl
9475,32,2,10,Barney:  Hi. Have you met me?
9476,32,2,10,"Ted (voix off): Finally, he decided to bring in reinforcements."
9477,32,2,10,Barney comes into the apartment.
9478,32,2,10,Tous: - No.
9479,32,2,10,"Barney: Yes. And do you know why? Hang on to your bedsores, grandparents from Willy Wonka, because guess who's on his way up to this apartment right now? My... wait for it... brother, James. React."
9480,32,2,10,Tous: - Hey!
9481,32,2,10,Robin: - You have a brother?
9482,32,2,10,"Barney: - Yeah. He's the awesome-est, most best looking-est, greatest guy ever."
9483,32,2,10,Lily: He's exactly like Barney.
9484,32,2,10,Barney: That's what I just said.
9485,32,2,10,"Ted: Well, Barney and his brother aren't exactly alike. James is gay."
9486,32,2,10,"Robin: Really? I never in a million years would I picture you with a gay brother, that's awesome."
9487,32,2,10,"Ted: Yeah. I just wanted you to have a heads up, so you don't act all surprised when he gets here."
9488,32,2,10,Someone knock on the door and Barney opens
9489,32,2,10,Barney Here he is.
9490,32,2,10,"James: What up, New York."
9491,32,2,10,Robin: Thanks for the heads up.
9492,32,2,10,Générique
9493,32,2,10,"Robin: How in God's name did it never come up that Barney has a gay, black brother?"
9494,32,2,10,"Ted: Is he black? I guess I'm the kind of person that focuses on who people are on the inside rather than the color of their skin. I'm kidding, I just wanted to see your face."
9495,32,2,10,"Marshall: Yeah, so now the wedding's back on."
9496,32,2,10,"Lily: Anyway, James, how have you been?"
9497,32,2,10,"James: Awesome, as per ""yoozh."" I just went skinny-skydiving. Legendary. And my laser tag team, just made it to regional finals.""Legendarier."" And by now you've noticed the suit. go 'head, touch it. Handcrafted by Pietro Dellacamera, Milan's famous 101-year-old tailor who upon completing the very last stitch in this suit dropped dead, which is ironic because that is how gorgeous I look in it. C'mon. Gimme five."
9498,32,2,10,"Barney: Is ""gimme five"" back?"
9499,32,2,10,"James: Oh, yeah. I put it in my blog this morning."
9500,32,2,10,"Barney: Guys, ""gimme five"" is back!"
9501,32,2,10,"Ted: Oh, James, this is my girlfriend, Robin."
9502,32,2,10,Robin: - Hey. It's so nice to meet you.
9503,32,2,10,"James: - You, too."
9504,32,2,10,"Robin: So, I have to ask, there's a story here."
9505,32,2,10,Barney and James: Please.
9506,32,2,10,"Flashback - In 1982, Barney and James are kids and are sitting on the cough."
9507,32,2,10,"Ted (voix off): The truth is, Barney and James got a lot of... different explanations from their mom over the years."
9508,32,2,10,"Mere: Well, boys, you look different because when I was pregnant with you, I only ate vanilla ice cream. And when I was pregnant with you, can you guess what kind of ice cream I ate?"
9509,32,2,10,James: - Coffee?
9510,32,2,10,"Mere: - No, James, I ate chocolate ice cream. But I did drink tons of coffee when I was pregnant with both of you. Can't smoke without my coffee."
9511,32,2,10,In 1984
9512,32,2,10,"Mere: I don't know, boys, I guess it's just one of those things."
9513,32,2,10,In 1986
9514,32,2,10,Mere: Stop asking me! You know what you two are? You're little racists!
9515,32,2,10,End of Flashback
9516,32,2,10,Ted: So what are you guys gonna do tonight?
9517,32,2,10,"Barney: I'll tell you what James is gonna do. He's gonna do the job you've been neglecting. And, as always, he'll do it a lot better than you ever did. Ted... James is my wingman now."
9518,32,2,10,Ted: Okay.
9519,32,2,10,"Marshall: Last time James was in town, Barney got slapped once, lucky twice, and... whose penthouse hot tub did you end up in?"
9520,32,2,10,"James: Ah, public figure, confidentiality agreement. But I will say this: way more back hair than any guy who can afford laser hair removal should have."
9521,32,2,10,Lily: And then there was the time they scored the brother/sister combo.
9522,32,2,10,Barney: It was everything we ever dreamed of when watching Donnie and Marie. She was a little bit country.
9523,32,2,10,James:  He was a little bit way into black guys.
9524,32,2,10,"Tes (voix off): Yeah, Barney and James together was a lethal combination. Since there was never any crossover in targets, James was always there for Barney with the assist."
9525,32,2,10,Flashbach. James and Barney are et the bar.
9526,32,2,10,James: Whoa. Your scarf... it is fierce!
9527,32,2,10,Women: Thanks. H & M.
9528,32,2,10,"James: What? I would never know, 'cause it is so hot that my eyes are melting. Oh, I can't see. Hey! You know, speaking of things that would look good wrapped around you, have you met my straight brother, Barney? Oh, he is fab--don't you go nowhere-- ""ulous."" Okay?"
9529,32,2,10,Ted (voix off): And Barney always returned the favor.
9530,32,2,10,"Barney: Help, I don't think he's breathing. Does anyone know mouth-to-mouth?"
9531,32,2,10,"Man: Oh, my God, I do!"
9532,32,2,10,"Barney:  Okay, great. How 'bout you instead?"
9533,32,2,10,End of flashback.
9534,32,2,10,"Barney: Oh, man, I am so excited that you're here! It has been forever since I have been around anyone even remotely fun. Uh, yes offense."
9535,32,2,10,"James: You guys are still going out with us tonight, right?"
9536,32,2,10,Ted: - No.
9537,32,2,10,Lily: - Jammies.
9538,32,2,10,Marshall: Tonight? It's after 9:00 and...I have warm soup belly.
9539,32,2,10,"James: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Guys... you are young, attractive people here in the greatest city on earth. There are boys and girls in Nobody Cares, Wyoming, wishing they could be here. But instead, they are in someone's basement drinking bad malt liquor, debating whether or not they're going to spend their Saturday night in the parking lot of the feed store or in some other dude's basement. You owe it to them to rise up and shimmy your lazy asses into something hot, and you go out there and you live their dream!- Can I get a ""hell, yeah""?"
9540,32,2,10,"Tous: - Hell, yeah!"
9541,32,2,10,"James: Can I get a ""hell, yeah""?"
9542,32,2,10,"Tous: - Hell, yeah!"
9543,32,2,10,"James: Can I get a ""woo-woo""?"
9544,32,2,10,Tous: - Woo-woo!
9545,32,2,10,James: Go do it for Wyoming!
9546,32,2,10,Tous: Yes!
9547,32,2,10,James: Testify!
9548,32,2,10,"Ted (voix off): So that night, Barney got his wish. We all went out."
9549,32,2,10,They get into a bar.
9550,32,2,10,"Barney: Daddy's home! Yeah. All right, bro. What do you like? Guy in super tight black T? Super tight black guy? Guy who looks like Mr. T?"
9551,32,2,10,"James: Mmm, yes, yes, and... talk to me after two martinis. Let's focus on you, my man."
9552,32,2,10,Barney: I'm feeling lazy. How 'bout girl with the chocolatini?
9553,32,2,10,"James: Oh... boom, back tattoo. Hero and the pig?"
9554,32,2,10,Barney: - Let's ride.
9555,32,2,10,"James: - Fo' 'sho. Damn baby, nice tramp stamp!"
9556,32,2,10,"Women: - Get off me, you pig!"
9557,32,2,10,"Barney: - Hey! Hey! Her body art is not an invitation to grope her, it's an expression of her inner self. I'm sure, in many ways, she is the dolphin encircled by flowers."
9558,32,2,10,James: - What? What?
9559,32,2,10,Barney: - What? What?
9560,32,2,10,James: Cool.
9561,32,2,10,Barney: Let me know if he bothers you again.
9562,32,2,10,Women: Thanks. You should stay close... just in case.
9563,32,2,10,Barney: Sure. If it'll make you feel safer. I'm Barney.
9564,32,2,10,"Ted (voix off): Now, kids, when you're out at a noisy, crowded bar, you can always tell the difference between the singles and the couples. You just have to look for the signs."
9565,32,2,10,James: - Break.
9566,32,2,10,Barney: - Boiling hot.
9567,32,2,10,Ted (voix off): Singles stay on their feet for maneuverability.
9568,32,2,10,"James: - Hey! - Hi, how are ya?"
9569,32,2,10,James and Barney: Have you met my brother?
9570,32,2,10,"Barney: Oh, hello. Have a drink."
9571,32,2,10,James: Nice to meet ya.
9572,32,2,10,"Ted (voix off): Couples, exhausted by the sheer act of leaving the house, are obsessed with finding a place to sit down. There are a lot of other indicators, too. From choice of social lubricant...to basic body language. But the point is, there are many ways to tell whether someone has Single Stamina or Couples Coma."
9573,32,2,10,"James: I wish I would've worn sneakers. I just got finished running from some fat, hairy guy who was periscoping out of his pleather pants. Permission to come aboard denied."
9574,32,2,10,Lily: I miss my jammies. I can't believe I wore a bra for this.
9575,32,2,10,Robin: Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural.
9576,32,2,10,"Lily: Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo."
9577,32,2,10,"Man: Well, why don't you take it off then and let those puppies breathe?"
9578,32,2,10,"Lily: Oh, please go sweat on someone else."
9579,32,2,10,Marshall: Poor guy.
9580,32,2,10,Lily: Poor guy? Poor my boobs.
9581,32,2,10,"Marshall: Well, it takes a lot of guts to approach a girl and you just crushed him."
9582,32,2,10,"Lily: Oh, yeah, yeah. He looks all broken up inside."
9583,32,2,10,"Robin: Whatever, you guys have no idea what it's like to be on the receiving end."
9584,32,2,10,"Ted: ""Oh, poor me. I'm a pretty girl and everybody everywhere wants to buy me drinks and have s*x with me."" Waa."
9585,32,2,10,"Marshall: ""Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy, pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like, but can't order because they'll be made fun of."""
9586,32,2,10,Ted: - Dude.
9587,32,2,10,Marshall: - They're delicious!
9588,32,2,10,Man: Excuse me. Join me in a shot?
9589,32,2,10,"James: Oh, no thanks. I've had enough. He's too in shape, we'd spend all night talking about his body fat content. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a yummy, pink drink with fruit in it... because I can."
9590,32,2,10,"Lily: You know, that was, like, the third hot guy that James blew off tonight."
9591,32,2,10,"Marshall: Yeah, he's turning down shots, he's yawning, he's whining about his feet. He's as bad as we are."
9592,32,2,10,"Ted: He is. Wait, he's exactly as bad as we are. You guys don't think that James is... in a relationship?"
9593,32,2,10,Robin: No. There's no way. He's Barney's brother.
9594,32,2,10,Marshall: Look at that. He's texting!
9595,32,2,10,"Ted: Oh, my God! He is in a couple."
9596,32,2,10,Lily: This is gonna kill Barney.
9597,32,2,10,Barney: What's gonna kill me? What's going on?
9598,32,2,10,Marshall: B-Barney? Have you noticed anything...different about James?
9599,32,2,10,"Barney: No. I mean, he's glowing from his peel, if that's what you mean."
9600,32,2,10,"Ted: We have reason to believe that James is, uh, maybe hiding something from you. I-I know you're not gonna like hearing this, but... Barney... your brother is...monogamous."
9601,32,2,10,"Barney: That's ridiculous! Just because he's a little sleepy, and he hasn't had s*x with anyone in a bathroom stall... He hasn't had s*x with anyone in a bathroom stall."
9602,32,2,10,"Robin: And, Barney... I hate to be the one to tell you this, but... he's texting."
9603,32,2,10,"Barney: No, he... No! That... is impossible. Excuse... Excuse... Ex..."
9604,32,2,10,"James: Hey, bro."
9605,32,2,10,Barney: Don't change the subject. Let me see your phone.
9606,32,2,10,James: Why?
9607,32,2,10,Barney: I just want to see your phone. Let me see your phone.
9608,32,2,10,"James: No, it's just a phone. It's just a phone! And it's got Internet access, and it's got a camera on it, and you can surf the Web and do the whole thing. It's so amazing how far technology has come. What kind of phone do you have?"
9609,32,2,10,"Barney: I got... Who is this? And the answer better be: ""I don't remember his name."""
9610,32,2,10,James: That is Tom. And he's my fiancé.
9611,32,2,10,
9612,32,2,10,James meets Barney at McLaren's
9613,32,2,10,James: Hey.
9614,32,2,10,Barney: I don't support this.
9615,32,2,10,James: Gay marriage?
9616,32,2,10,"Barney: Not gay marriage-- marriage! How can you do this?We were raised in the same house, with the same values!"
9617,32,2,10,"James: Believe me, I fought this for a long time. Come on, it's embarrassing. Look, this felt unnatural to me, too, at first. But I fell in love. And Tom and I realized you can't fight love."
9618,32,2,10,"Barney: Oh, God. Is that what you two do together? You sit around the house and talk about love? I think... I'm gonna be sick."
9619,32,2,10,"James: Okay, okay, look,I need you to wrap your head around this, okay? Because it is happening. And I want you to be my best man."
9620,32,2,10,Barney: What? No way.
9621,32,2,10,"James: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you change your mind."
9622,32,2,10,"James leaves Barney. Three girls come in, one of them with a bridal veil."
9623,32,2,10,"Woman: Two beers, one shot."
9624,32,2,10,"Barney: Oh, it's a freaking epidemic."
9625,32,2,10,"Marshall, Lily, Ted and Robin are at the apartment."
9626,32,2,10,"Lily: Oh, sweetie! Did you make that for me?"
9627,32,2,10,Marshall: Yes.
9628,32,2,10,"Barney: Clam Bake. Staten Island. Who's in? Okay, I didn't have high hopes for that one. Okay, here's my thing. If gay guys start getting married, then suddenly the whole world's gonna be doing it. That's how it works. They start something, then six months later, everyone follows. Like now everyone gets manicures."
9629,32,2,10,Ted: I don't get manicures.
9630,32,2,10,"Barney: Okay, then like how... Like getting your chest waxed."
9631,32,2,10,Lily: You get your chest waxed?
9632,32,2,10,"Barney: You know what I mean! Gay marriage is going to cause single life, as we know it, to die out. Think of how the American family will be strengthened."
9633,32,2,10,"Marshall: Barney, I'm sorry you're upset, but you got to suck it up and be a man about this."
9634,32,2,10,"Barney: No. It's always been me and him together, being awesome, while the rest of you walked two-by-two onto your ark of sexless boredom."
9635,32,2,10,Marshall: Just because James is getting married doesn't mean things are going to change.
9636,32,2,10,Barney: Yeah. Like things haven't changed with you people.
9637,32,2,10,"Ted: Look, my sister married a guy I didn't like. Sandals and socks--come on, buddy. But I took her out, we celebrated. It was the right thing to do. You got to support him."
9638,32,2,10,"Barney: You're right, Ted. This is a cause for celebration. We need to take him out and celebrate the commitment he and Tom are about to make."
9639,32,2,10,"Barney and james arrive at a gay bar with Marshall, lily, Ted and Robin."
9640,32,2,10,James: Yeah. This is where we're celebrating the commitment that Tom and I are about to make?
9641,32,2,10,"Barney: What? Yeah! See, that cage represents your commitment."
9642,32,2,10,"Marshall: Oh, my God. Freedom has never tasted so delicious."
9643,32,2,10,Man: Hey. You work out?
9644,32,2,10,Marshall: I do. And thank you for noticing. You're obviously in very good shape yourself.
9645,32,2,10,"Man: Well, I try. So you want to dance?"
9646,32,2,10,"Marshall: You know what? I'm very flattered, and, objectively, you're a very attractive man, but this is actually my fiancée."
9647,32,2,10,"Man: I'm sorry. You know, I saw your drink and I..."
9648,32,2,10,"Marshall: No, no, this isn't my drink. This is hers."
9649,32,2,10,"Lily: No, it isn't."
9650,32,2,10,Man: Whatever. How 'bout you?
9651,32,2,10,"Ted: Oh, I'm straight, too. But I thank you for your time, and I appreciate your interest in my body."
9652,32,2,10,"Marshall: You see that? Being hit on doesn't have to be terrible. I feel flattered, and everyone left with their dignity."
9653,32,2,10,"Man: Hey, I really like your sweater."
9654,32,2,10,"Robin: Wow. You actually do, don't you? You're not checking out my boobs or anything."
9655,32,2,10,"Man: My name's Gay Ken, what do you think?"
9656,32,2,10,Robin: I love this place! Let's dance!
9657,32,2,10,Lily:  - And not be groped!
9658,32,2,10,Robin: - Whoo! Thank you.
9659,32,2,10,Man(looking at Ted)- Damn.
9660,32,2,10,Ted: - Thank you!
9661,32,2,10,Marshall: - We're hot.
9662,32,2,10,Ted: - Totally.
9663,32,2,10,"James:  And then Tom says to the dealer that the handmade Georgian clock has a chip on the corner. Blam, we get that puppy half price. What up?! Bam!"
9664,32,2,10,Barney: Sounds like you really rocked that arts and crafts fair.
9665,32,2,10,"James: Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Hey, oh, my God. This is so liberating, being able to talk about this to you. I cannot wait for you to meet Tom."
9666,32,2,10,"Barney: And I cannot wait for you to meet my good friend... this guy. Excuse me, do you know anyone who would like to buy my incredibly muscular, fun, large-handed brother a drink?"
9667,32,2,10,"James: Eh, eh, eh, let's focus on you, Barnaby. Okay. All right. I spy a group of women who have let their defenses down because they are in a gay club. You see that chick right there? She looks like she'd fall for sports agent and football player."
9668,32,2,10,"Barney: Okay, I'm in. Which one am I?"
9669,32,2,10,James: Please.
9670,32,2,10,"Barney: He's very shy, loves tennis and Brazil, and drops his pants after three dirty martinis. Now go, man, go!"
9671,32,2,10,Marshall: I just never thought I'd see Barney so vulnerable.
9672,32,2,10,"Ted: Well, I guess no one wants to feel like they're going through the world alone."
9673,32,2,10,"Man: Look at me, in a yummy sandwich!"
9674,32,2,10,"Marshall: Okay, we're actually right in the middle of something right now, so..."
9675,32,2,10,"Man: Ooh, I know what I want to be in the middle of. Thoughts?"
9676,32,2,10,"Ted: God, can't two straight guys come to a gay dance club, enjoy some techno and good conversation without being bothered?"
9677,32,2,10,"Robin: How's it going, guys? Still enjoying the attentions of men?"
9678,32,2,10,"Marshall: That's like the eighth guy who's hit on us in ten minutes. It's like, hello,"
9679,32,2,10,my eyes are up here.
9680,32,2,10,Ted: And it's never the hot ones. It's always the losers. Bums me out!
9681,32,2,10,Lily: Looks like the boys learned their lesson. Do you totally miss being hit on?
9682,32,2,10,"Robin: Oh, totally. Let's go find a sports bar."
9683,32,2,10,"Barney: James, James, since you like arts and crafts, look at what Charles here made with cherry stems. He did it with his tongue. Yeah."
9684,32,2,10,James: Barney.
9685,32,2,10,"Barney: So, Charles, why don't you put your number in my brother's phone, and once he's in a funner mood..."
9686,32,2,10,"James: Barney, Barney, I don't want his number. I don't want anyone's number, okay? I'm getting married."
9687,32,2,10,Charles: Wow.- Best of luck to you both.
9688,32,2,10,James: - Thank you.
9689,32,2,10,Charles: My number's in here. I'm very discreet.
9690,32,2,10,"James: Okay, okay, excuse me. Barney, family talk. Okay, dude, you have got to stop this, okay? I know that my getting married is threatening to your way of life..."
9691,32,2,10,"Barney: Oh, so now it's my way of life? I thought it was our way of life. You've completely turned your back on it. Look at you, not even suited up. Do you remember why we suit up, James?"
9692,32,2,10,James: To get laid.
9693,32,2,10,"Barney: To show people that we are different from the millions of T-shirt and jeans lemmings out there. The suit shows that we are a force to be reckoned with, a two-person army that plays by its own rules. But you've taken off the uniform, you've crossed enemy lines, and you've abandoned me. Well, I'm not gonna let you do that. It's not too late to back out of this stupid marriage thing! You don't have to do this, bro!"
9694,32,2,10,"James: - Yes, I do."
9695,32,2,10,Barney: - Why?!
9696,32,2,10,James: Because Tom and I are gonna have a baby.
9697,32,2,10,Barney: What? There's gonna be a baby?
9698,32,2,10,James: Yes. We're adopting.
9699,32,2,10,"Barney: Oh, my God. I'm gonna be an uncle?"
9700,32,2,10,James: For the rest of your life.
9701,32,2,10,"Ted (voix off) And that's how Barney became Uncle Barney. A year later, at James's wedding, Barney could not have been more proud."
9702,32,2,10,At James's wedding
9703,32,2,10,Barney: To James and Tom. May you have a long and happy life together. And may I always have the skin and libido of a much younger man.- Cheers.
9704,32,2,10,Tous: - Cheers.
9705,32,2,10,Barney: Thanks. I decided to leave out the hetero college phase. No one wants to
9706,32,2,10,hear about that.
9707,32,2,10,Lily: It was perfect. You even made Tom's dad cry. Might have been doing that because he's a Republican.
9708,32,2,10,Marshall: Whoa. It's 9:00. We should be getting back. You guys want to split a cab?
9709,32,2,10,"Ted: Uh, no, I think I'm gonna stay a little bit longer."
9710,32,2,10,"Robin: Yeah, me, too. I'm not tired at all."
9711,32,2,10,"Marshall: All right, well, it's getting late. Got to get the wife home."
9712,32,2,10,"Lily: Oh, stop calling me that. It makes me sound fat."
9713,32,2,10,"Barney: Ugh, it's a freaking epidemic."
9714,32,2,10,Ted and Robin get up to dance.
9715,32,2,10,Barney: - May I?
9716,32,2,10,James: - Yeah.
9717,32,2,10,James stands un and leaves the baby with Barney.
9718,32,2,10,"Barney: Hey, buddy. Your parents are married. Now, listen, you. Just because you're being raised by married people doesn't mean you have to choose that lifestyle. High-five. Luckily, you got me. In 20 and a half years, you'll be 21, and I will be... Well, I haven't decided how old I'll be yet. But we are gonna bro out, uncle and nephew style. Stick with me, kid. I am gonna teach you how to live. Great suit, by the way. Who is the cutest?"
9719,32,2,10,Barney talks with a woman.
9720,32,2,10,Rosa: I don't get it. Tom liked my breasts in tenth grade. Why doesn't he like them now? Why?
9721,32,2,10,"Barney: Rosa, why always be attracted to the unavailable ones? Why not accept the fact that you're a beautiful woman who is worthy of love? Are you brave enough to hear that? You..."
9722,33,2,11,"Ted (V.O.): Kids, as you know, Christmas is a time you spend with your family. So in December of 2006, I had three options. Spend it with my mom and her new boyfriend Clint, spend it with my dad and his new girlfriend micro-brewing, or head down to Staten Island to spend it with my super religious cousin Stacy and her family. So I opted for none of the above and decided to spend Christmas 2006 in Manhattan... celebrating with my other family."
9723,33,2,11,Lily is decorating the apartment while Marshall studies
9724,33,2,11,"Marshall: Okay, I have one last paper due at 5:00 p.m. today, so until then, I will be at the law library at school, but I'm not to be disturbed for any reason."
9725,33,2,11,"Ted: Dude, open your eyes. You're going to hurt yourself."
9726,33,2,11,"Marshall: No, no. Christmas Eve winter wonderland is my reward for finishing my paper. Baby, do I smell your Sinfully Cinnamon Cookies?"
9727,33,2,11,Lily: Yes.
9728,33,2,11,"Marshall: Damn me and my heightened other senses. Must be strong. Okay, I'll be back here at 5:00. Save me at least 20 cookies and do not clean the bowl. Was that a reindeer? I don't want to know!"
9729,33,2,11,"Lily: Hey, look. Our old answering machine."
9730,33,2,11,"Ted: Oh, yeah. After you left, we, uh, we unplugged it because it reminded Marshall of how you used to, you know, leave messages. But hey, you guys are back together. I say we're plugging it back in. It's good to have you back."
9731,33,2,11,"Lily: Thanks. Oh, hey, look, there's still some messages on here."
9732,33,2,11,"Ted's father: Hey Ted, it's Dad calling to check in. I'm going fishing this"
9733,33,2,11,"weekend with my friend Clint, so if I don't hear from you beforehand, I'll talk to you next week."
9734,33,2,11,"Ted: Yes, same Clint."
9735,33,2,11,"Ted (voix dans le répondeur): Hey, Marshall. Are you lying on the couch right now moping about Lily? You are, aren't you? Well, stop it. She's not worth it. You gotta get over that Grinch."
9736,33,2,11,"Ted (voix off): But I didn't say ""Grinch."" I said a bad word. A very, very bad word."
9737,33,2,11,"Ted: Oh, fudge."
9738,33,2,11,Ted (voix off): But I didn't say fudge.
9739,33,2,11,Lily: I'm... a what?
9740,33,2,11,"Ted: I-- That was Barney, that was Barney."
9741,33,2,11,"Lily: That was you, Ted."
9742,33,2,11,Ted: That was Marshall.
9743,33,2,11,Lily: Marshall left a message for Marshall?
9744,33,2,11,"Ted: You know, it may have been me, but it was so long ago. Man, that machine, it really garbles your voice.You know, it almost made it sound like I said..."
9745,33,2,11,Lily: Why would you call me that?
9746,33,2,11,Ted (voix off): It was a fair question. Marshall's breakup with Lily had sent him into a deep depression and nothing could get him out of it. Until one day...
9747,33,2,11,Marshall is eating on the couch while Ted reads the newspaper.
9748,33,2,11,Marshall: She was perfect. I lost the perfect woman. I should have knocked her up when I had the chance.
9749,33,2,11,Ted: Okay. That's it. You're never going to get over her until you stop putting her on a pedestal. So no more ice cream until you tell me one thing that's wrong with Lily.
9750,33,2,11,Marshall: There's only one of her?
9751,33,2,11,Ted: Okay. She called off your wedding and dumped you to be a painter in San Francisco. What do you call that?
9752,33,2,11,Marshall: Fiercely independent? Brave? I guess it was a little selfish.
9753,33,2,11,Ted: There you go.
9754,33,2,11,"Ted (voix off): And in almost no time, that spark turned into a roaring fire."
9755,33,2,11,"Flashback. Marshall, Ted and Barney are at the bar."
9756,33,2,11,"Marshall: Yeah. No, you're right. Lily would laugh at anything."
9757,33,2,11,"Barney: She'd give it up for a bad pun. I'm telling you, she's a laugh slut."
9758,33,2,11,"Ted: Remember that time we heard her laughing and we thought she was watching Weekend At Bernie's, but it turned out she was watching Weekend At Bernie's 2?"
9759,33,2,11,"Barney: And her art? ""I'm Lily, I'm an artist."" She doesn't even own a beret."
9760,33,2,11,"Marshall: Yeah, and if she's such a great ""artist,"" why does she suck at Pictionary? Who draws a ninja star like a Star of David? Right, right?"
9761,33,2,11,Ted: Yeah!
9762,33,2,11,Marshall: Another round!
9763,33,2,11,End of flashback. Back at the apartment.
9764,33,2,11,Ted: I was trying to help him. I'm his best friend. That's the best friend's job.
9765,33,2,11,Lily: The best friend's job is to call me that word?
9766,33,2,11,Ted: Yeah.
9767,33,2,11,"Barney, Robin and äTed are at the bar."
9768,33,2,11,"Robin: Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy boy."
9769,33,2,11,"Ted: Why is this such a big deal? It's just a word. We use lots of words, every day. It shouldn't be any different than any other word."
9770,33,2,11,Barney: Then why don't you say it now?
9771,33,2,11,Ted: Grinch. You timed that didn't you?
9772,33,2,11,Barney: Perfectly.
9773,33,2,11,"Robin: Well, at least you apologized. You apologized, didn't you?"
9774,33,2,11,"Ted: Oh, yeah. ""I'm sorry"" were the first words out of my mouth."
9775,33,2,11,Flashback. Lily and Ted at the apartment.
9776,33,2,11,"Ted: I'm sorry, but I am not apologizing. I was just trying to put the guy back together. You smashed him to pieces."
9777,33,2,11,Lily: Are you seriously not going to apologize for leaving that message?
9778,33,2,11,Ted: No!
9779,33,2,11,Lily: Why not?
9780,33,2,11,"Ted: Because, Lily, this summer, you were kind of a Grinch."
9781,33,2,11,"Lily: Oh, you'll be sorry, Ted Mosby."
9782,33,2,11,End of flashback. Back to the bar.
9783,33,2,11,Barney: Ted Vivian Mosby!
9784,33,2,11,Ted: That's not my middle name.
9785,33,2,11,Barney: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
9786,33,2,11,Ted: Like you've never said that word.
9787,33,2,11,Barney: I don't kiss your mother with my mouth. Yet. (Barney sneezes)
9788,33,2,11,Ted: Are you sick?
9789,33,2,11,Barney: Is it sick to find maturity and experience sexy?
9790,33,2,11,"Ted: No, I meant do you have a cold?"
9791,33,2,11,"Barney: I'm fine. I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out. Now, if you'll excuse me, the holidays are a time when people are lonely and desperate. It's the most wonderful time of the year."
9792,33,2,11,Ted: I should go apologize. It's Christmas Eve.
9793,33,2,11,"Robin: Yeah. I mean, slamming doors and screaming curses? If I wanted that, I would have gone home for the holidays."
9794,33,2,11,Barney talks to a girl.
9795,33,2,11,"Barney: I don't see any mistletoe, but... (He sneezes on her)"
9796,33,2,11,"Woman: Oh! Oh, God!"
9797,33,2,11,"Barney: Uh... ""Bless you"" would have been nice."
9798,33,2,11,Robin walks Barney home. On the Hallway.
9799,33,2,11,Robin: You're sick.
9800,33,2,11,Barney: I'm not sick.
9801,33,2,11,Robin: You're sick.
9802,33,2,11,Barney: You know what? I am sick. Sick of you telling me I'm sick. What up?
9803,33,2,11,Barney cough so strongly that he fells.
9804,33,2,11,"Ted: Ahh... Three flights of stairs, not a drop spilled. Hey, buddy."
9805,33,2,11,Robin: You sure this is gonna work?
9806,33,2,11,"Ted: Yeah, this is our thing. In college, whenever I wanted to make up with her, I'd buy her a beer. Cute, right?"
9807,33,2,11,Robin: Totally. Plus free mug.
9808,33,2,11,"Ted (voix off): Usually that would've done the trick, but it turned out this was a problem not even alcohol could solve. Actually the beer helped a little."
9809,33,2,11,Ted: She took the decorations. She took the decorations! What a Grinch!
9810,33,2,11,"Ted (voix off): That time I did say ""Grinch."""
9811,33,2,11,"Ted: All right. I guess I have to call her, right? Lily's cell phone. She'll listen to reason-- right? Oh, hey, Billy. Actually, funny thing--the voice dial got you. I was trying to call... Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. (20 minutes later) Yeah, the holidays are a rough time for everyone, Billy. Okay, yeah, dinner next Wednesday. Okay. Damn voice dial."
9812,33,2,11,"Robin: Barney! What the hell are you doing? Get in here, it's freezing outside. Are you insane?"
9813,33,2,11,"Barney: Hey, blame Lily and her oppressive ""no cigars in the apartment rule."" God, it's like Marshall's marrying the Taliban. (he sneezes on his hand). High five."
9814,33,2,11,Robin: Eww. No. You have to go home and get to bed.
9815,33,2,11,"Barney: Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be legen... Wait for it... (Barney falls asleep)"
9816,33,2,11,Ted: Lily!
9817,33,2,11,"Lily: Merry Christmas, assface."
9818,33,2,11,"Ted: Um, Lily? Where are the Christmas decorations?"
9819,33,2,11,Lily: At my apartment.
9820,33,2,11,Ted: You want to bring them back so we can celebrate Christmas together-- please?
9821,33,2,11,"Lily: Ted, do you know what I would do if one of my kindergartners used that kind of language? I would be on the phone with their parents."
9822,33,2,11,"Ted: Yeah, I'm not a kindergartner."
9823,33,2,11,Lily: Exactly. You know what that word means. You know that calling people names is mean and hurtful... assface.
9824,33,2,11,"Ted: Lily, if you don't bring that stuff back right now, we..."
9825,33,2,11,Ted to Robin: She hung up.
9826,33,2,11,Robin: She's just mad. She'll cool down.
9827,33,2,11,The phone rings
9828,33,2,11,Ted: Lily...
9829,33,2,11,Lily: Don't forget to take the cookies out of the oven... assface!
9830,33,2,11,Ted: Damn it! I could be in Cleveland right now making peppermint lager with my dad.
9831,33,2,11,Robin: Where are you going?
9832,33,2,11,"Ted: Marshall gets home in three hours. He's gonna show up--no Lily, no winter wonderland.I gotta get up to the Bronx."
9833,33,2,11,Ted goes out slamming the door which wakes up Barney)
9834,33,2,11,Barney:...dary.
9835,33,2,11,Ted's on the street when his phone rings.
9836,33,2,11,"Ted: Hey, dude, how's the paper going?"
9837,33,2,11,"Marshall: Screw the paper, how's the winter wonderland? Is it magical?"
9838,33,2,11,Ted: Oh... so magical.
9839,33,2,11,"Marshall: When you walk through the door, does it feel like you've been slapped in the face by Christmas?"
9840,33,2,11,"Ted: Sure does. Look, I gotta go."
9841,33,2,11,"Marshall: Come on, man, describe it! Tell me about the decorations. Is Rudolph there? He is, isn't he? Hi, Rudolph!"
9842,33,2,11,"Ted: Ah, yeah, but, you know... decorations, is that really what Christmas is about?"
9843,33,2,11,"Marshall: Hell, yeah! What else would it be about?"
9844,33,2,11,"Ted: Uh, try the birth of Christ. You know, Christmas-- Christ Mas, which means ""More Christ"" to our Spanish friends."
9845,33,2,11,"Marshall: Yeah, well, all I know is walking in that door and seeing the winter wonderland and seeing Lily and all you guys, just... I can't wait."
9846,33,2,11,Ted: Right. I gotta go.
9847,33,2,11,"Marshall: Right. Okay.Oh, wait. Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted. One more thing. How about the cookies? Are they delicious?"
9848,33,2,11,
9849,33,2,11,Robin is at the apartment with a fire extinguisher
9850,33,2,11,"Ted: You know, honestly, they taste a little store-bought. Oh! I got another call."
9851,33,2,11,"Marshall: Well, tell Lily I love her."
9852,33,2,11,Ted:  Right. (he hangs up end takes the other call)- Hello?
9853,33,2,11,His mother: Ted Evelyn Mosby!
9854,33,2,11,"Ted: Oh. Uh, hey, Mom. Merry Christmas."
9855,33,2,11,His mother: I just got the most disturbing call from Lily. How could you use such a horrible word?
9856,33,2,11,"Ted: Oh, God, she called you?"
9857,33,2,11,His mother: Are you acting out because of the divorce? Is-is this all about Clint?
9858,33,2,11,"Ted: No, Mom, why would it be about Clint?"
9859,33,2,11,"Clint: Hey, buddy, it's Clint. How you doing, champ?"
9860,33,2,11,"Ted: Hey, Clint. Listen, um, I don't really have time to..."
9861,33,2,11,"Clint: Hey, hey, no, no, no. Ted, Ted. You don't know this yet, but you and I are going to be great friends. Now, the Native Americans have this ritual..."
9862,33,2,11,Ted hangs up and takes the subway.
9863,33,2,11,Barney is in bed and Robin brings hm food.
9864,33,2,11,"Barney: This is a low moment for the Barnacle. I should be off playing laser tag right now, but instead... Don't look at me. I'm hideous."
9865,33,2,11,Robin: You just look like a regular guy.
9866,33,2,11,Barney: Exactly. I'm a Ted. I'm wearing elastic-waist fleece pants.
9867,33,2,11,Robin: And isn't it more comfy?
9868,33,2,11,Barney: Yes.
9869,33,2,11,"Robin: Come on, you need eat something."
9870,33,2,11,Barney: Too weak... to hold... bowl.
9871,33,2,11,"Robin: Fine, I'll feed you."
9872,33,2,11,Barney: Ouchie in my mouth! I don't want it. I want ice cream.
9873,33,2,11,"Robin: No, you're not having ice cream for dinner just 'cause you're sick."
9874,33,2,11,Barney: But my throat hurts.
9875,33,2,11,Robin: No!
9876,33,2,11,Barney: I hate you!
9877,33,2,11,Robin stands up
9878,33,2,11,Barney: Don't leave me.
9879,33,2,11,Lily is at her apartment when someone knocks on the door.
9880,33,2,11,Lily: Who is this?
9881,33,2,11,Ted: Pizza delivery.
9882,33,2,11,"Lily: Hey, you tricked me."
9883,33,2,11,Ted: You really thought I was the pizza delivery guy?
9884,33,2,11,"Lily: No, I knew it was you. I just thought you'd at least bring a pizza."
9885,33,2,11,"Ted: Yeah, well, I brought a beer, but I gave it to a homeless guy. All right, he took it from me. Now, will you please come home?"
9886,33,2,11,"Lily: No, I'm not spending Christmas with you."
9887,33,2,11,"Ted: Okay, I'm sorry for calling you a... that word, over the summer, and for saying it again today. And for thinking it a lot on the subway ride over. I had no right to say that. It was hurtful and immature and I'm sorry."
9888,33,2,11,"Lily: Oh, shut up. You think I don't know your fake apologies by now, Ted Mosby? Huh? You're clearly still mad at me."
9889,33,2,11,Ted: I'm not mad at you.
9890,33,2,11,"Lily: Yes, you are."
9891,33,2,11,"Ted: I am not mad at you, Lily. Now, can we please just..."
9892,33,2,11,Lily: I've apologized to Marshall and he's forgiven me and we've moved passed it. Why can't you?
9893,33,2,11,"Ted: Because you never apologized to me. Marshall's not the only one you walked out on. You leave for three months, you don't even call. Come on, Lily, we're supposed to be friends!"
9894,33,2,11,"Lily: Yeah, some friend, you called me a Grinch."
9895,33,2,11,Ted: You were a Grinch!
9896,33,2,11,Lily: How can you...
9897,33,2,11,"Ted: Grinchy, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch."
9898,33,2,11,The light goes out
9899,33,2,11,"Lily: Happy? Now, you've pissed off the big guy upstairs."
9900,33,2,11,"Ted: Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I..."
9901,33,2,11,Voice: You use that language again and I'll turn off your water!
9902,33,2,11,"Lily: That's my super. He lives above me. Great. Thanks to your filthy mouth, now I'm going to have Christmas alone in the dark."
9903,33,2,11,Ted: Fine. I don't want to ruin Christmas. You can have the apartment. Don't worry about seeing me there I'll be in Staten Island with my cousin Stacy. Just.... Merry Christmas.
9904,33,2,11,Ted walks out lily's apartment.
9905,33,2,11,"Robin (on the phone): You're spending Christmas Eve with your family? Baby, that sucks. I'm so sorry."
9906,33,2,11,"Ted: Uh, they're fine. They're just... they're a little weird. You know they don't believe in gifts or Christmas trees. And they think Santa's how Satan spells his name when he wants to trick us."
9907,33,2,11,"Robin: Well, do you want me to go with you?"
9908,33,2,11,Ted: Was that a sincere offer?
9909,33,2,11,Robin: First tell me your answer.
9910,33,2,11,"Ted: Stay there. Save yourself. We'll spend all day together tomorrow. Okay. Oh, how's Barney feeling?"
9911,33,2,11,"Robin: You mean the whiney bottomless pit of neediness? He was bugging me, so I spiked his echinacea tea with codeine."
9912,33,2,11,Ted: You're gonna be a great mom.
9913,33,2,11,Marshall walks into the apartment with a box.
9914,33,2,11,"Marshall: Holy crap, the magical Christmas season is upon us. And thank God we don't pay for utilities."
9915,33,2,11,Lily: Merry Christmas! What's in the box?
9916,33,2,11,Marshall: Only the best present for the best girl ever. It took me all day to track it down.
9917,33,2,11,Lily: I thought you were writing a paper.
9918,33,2,11,"Marshall: Ah, naw, I blew that off. I'll get an extension. School's not important. What is that pitter patter on the roof? Could it be the sound of an awesome Christmas story about to come down the chimney? Why, yes, it is. 'Twas the day before Christmas..."
9919,33,2,11,Flashback. Marshall is at the post office
9920,33,2,11,"Marshall: It was supposed to arrive, like, five days ago, but then it got lost and rerouted. I checked two other branches, finally they told me it was here."
9921,33,2,11,"Women: Yeah, all I needed to know was the tracking number. Looks like it's headed out to our regional branch in Poughkeepsie."
9922,33,2,11,"Marshall: What?No, no, no, no,I need that package today."
9923,33,2,11,"Women: Listen, the truck already left five minutes ago so unless you want to run after it..."
9924,33,2,11,Marshall runs after the truck
9925,33,2,11,"Marshall: Stop! Stop! Stop, please, stop. Stop. Stop the truck. I need a package on your truck. Can I please take a look in back?"
9926,33,2,11,Truck driver: Sure. But I gotta keep driving my route. I'm running behind.
9927,33,2,11,Marshall gets in the truck
9928,33,2,11,Truck driver: My bad.
9929,33,2,11,"Marshall: I'm okay. (out of the truck) Hey, man, thanks for helping me make my fiancee's Christmas."
9930,33,2,11,Truck driver: No problem. Too bad I can't deliver all these packages by the end of the day.
9931,33,2,11,"Marshall: Wait, so some people aren't going to get their gifts in time for Christmas?"
9932,33,2,11,"Truck driver: Sadly, no."
9933,33,2,11,Marshall helps the truck driver deliver the gifts. End of flashback. Back at the apartment
9934,33,2,11,"Marshall: We delivered every single package on that truck. But I still have one package left to give. Yeah, I did. Merry Christmas. Open it, Baby."
9935,33,2,11,"Lily: Okay. Oh, my God. An Easy Bake Oven! I've wanted one of these ever since I was a little girl. In this exact model. I never told you that. How did you know?"
9936,33,2,11,Flashback. A month earlier Marshall and Ted are in the bar.
9937,33,2,11,Marshall: It's our first Christmas since we got back together. I want to get her something really special. So I'm getting her a jukebox.
9938,33,2,11,"Ted: Wow, that's a great gift."
9939,33,2,11,Marshall: Not really. It's this big and it dispenses gum.
9940,33,2,11,"Ted: Oh, man, I know something you could get her that would blow her mind. Ready? Eight years ago..."
9941,33,2,11,Flashback. Ted and Lily are in marshall and Ted's college room.
9942,33,2,11,"Lily: When I was a kid, all I wanted was an Easy Bake Oven. I begged and I begged, but all I got was a stupid Lego set because my feminist mom didn't want me conforming to traditional gender roles."
9943,33,2,11,Ted: Easy Bake Oven--that's what I'm going to call my van.
9944,33,2,11,Marshall walks in
9945,33,2,11,Ted: Dude... how was the concert?
9946,33,2,11,Marshall: I couldn't find the outside.
9947,33,2,11,End of flashback. Back to the apartment with Lily and Marshall.
9948,33,2,11,Lily: I can't believe Ted remembered after all these years.
9949,33,2,11,"Marshall: Yeah, and after all that weed. Where is he anyway?"
9950,33,2,11,Lily: Staten Island.
9951,33,2,11,Marshall: Why?
9952,33,2,11,Staton island. Ted is in the livingroom with kids.
9953,33,2,11,"Ted: Okay, don't tell your mom, but I got you guys some presents."
9954,33,2,11,A kid: Like the gift of God's love?
9955,33,2,11,"Ted: No, dude, real presents."
9956,33,2,11,Kid: Uncle Ted got us presents!
9957,33,2,11,"Stacy: That's okay, Ted, we'll just give them to charity."
9958,33,2,11,Charity: Yay!
9959,33,2,11,"Stacy: Uh, not you, Charity. I meant the less fortunate. Ted, how would you like to say grace tonight?"
9960,33,2,11,"Ted: Uh, you know what, why don't you say it. I really wouldn't know what to say."
9961,33,2,11,Charity: Why don't you recite your favorite passage of scripture.
9962,33,2,11,"Ted: That's a great idea, Charity. But, really, I don't know. I mean how do you choose your favorite passage? It's the Bible; there's so many... great ones... That one from Pulp Fiction's pretty cool. Doorbell rings. Ooh, I'll get it. Charity, I'm tapping you in."
9963,33,2,11,"Charity: Dear, Father, thank you for this day, and thank you for bringing this family together. Amen."
9964,33,2,11,Ted opens the door and sees everybody. Lily's holding a beer.
9965,33,2,11,"Stacy: Who is it, Ted?"
9966,33,2,11,"Ted: Uh, it's... it's just, um, carolers. Marshall starts singing. Robin and Barney follow."
9967,33,2,11,# Silent night. Holy night... #
9968,33,2,11,"Lily: I came here to apologize. I'm so sorry, Ted."
9969,33,2,11,Ted: I accept. Give me the beer. it is so good to see you guys.
9970,33,2,11,Lily: Are you coming home?
9971,33,2,11,"Ted: Totally. But first, Lily, I owe you an apology."
9972,33,2,11,"Lily: Oh, for the love of God, are you as sick of apologies as I am?"
9973,33,2,11,Ted: Yes
9974,33,2,11,Lily: Can we just skip the apology and go straight to the forgiving?
9975,33,2,11,"Ted: Yes. And I promise, I will never ever call you a... you know, again."
9976,33,2,11,Lily: That's okay. I was kind of a Grinch.
9977,33,2,11,Kid(in the house) What's a Grinch?
9978,33,2,11,Ted: Nothing. It's something you shouldn't say.
9979,33,2,11,"Kid: Mom, what's a Grinch?"
9980,33,2,11,Stacy spits out the water she had in the mouth.
9981,33,2,11,"Both kids: Grinch, Grinch, Grinch..."
9982,33,2,11,"Ted ( to the family): Merry Christmas, everybody. Ted takes his coat and leaves (to his friends) Run, run."
9983,33,2,11,In the apartment Mashall is eating the cookies.
9984,34,2,12,"Ted (V.O.): Kids, you remember my first day with Robin."
9985,34,2,12,Flashaback. Ted and Robin are at Robin's apartment.
9986,34,2,12,Ted: I think I'm in love with you.
9987,34,2,12,Robin: What?!
9988,34,2,12,End of flashback.
9989,34,2,12,"Ted (voix off): Well, here's the thing, normal people, you know, people who aren't your dad, usually take longer to say ""I love you."" Robin went through the usual stages."
9990,34,2,12,"Flashback. Ted, Robin and Barney are at the apartment."
9991,34,2,12,Robin: Spider! Spider!
9992,34,2,12,Barney: I left something in the hallway.
9993,34,2,12,Ted: Where?
9994,34,2,12,Robin: Right there.
9995,34,2,12,Ted: Got it.
9996,34,2,12,Ted kisses Robin. Barney comes back to the apartment.
9997,34,2,12,Ted (voix off): First there's the moment when you think you think it.
9998,34,2,12,"Ted: Whoa, still alive."
9999,34,2,12,Barney leaves the apartment.
10000,34,2,12,Ted (voix off): There's the moment you think you know it.
10001,34,2,12,Robin is sick and in bed:
10002,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, you don't want to kiss me, you'll get sick."
10003,34,2,12,Ted still kisses her. Two days later he's the one who's sick.
10004,34,2,12,Ted: Totally worth it.
10005,34,2,12,"Ted (voix off): There's the moment where you know you know it, but you can't yet say it."
10006,34,2,12,"Ted: All right, it's getting to be that time. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
10007,34,2,12,Robin: Good night.
10008,34,2,12,Ted: Good night.
10009,34,2,12,"Robin: Wait, Ted?"
10010,34,2,12,Ted: Yeah?
10011,34,2,12,Robin: Good night.
10012,34,2,12,"The next morning, Ted walks into Robin's apartment. Robin's on the phone."
10013,34,2,12,"Robin: Well, great, I'll see you then. Bye, sweetie. (To Ted) Hey. Guess what? My sister Katie is coming to visit next weekend. She gets in on Thursday."
10014,34,2,12,Ted: That's awesome. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take off work Friday. We're gonna take her to the Empire State Building.
10015,34,2,12,Robin: Really? You'd do that?
10016,34,2,12,Ted: Of course. Everyone should see the Empire State Building.
10017,34,2,12,"Ted (voix off): And then there's the moment where you know you know it, and you can't keep it in any longer."
10018,34,2,12,Flashback. At Ted's apartment.
10019,34,2,12,Robin: Ted.
10020,34,2,12,Ted: Yeah?
10021,34,2,12,Robin: Falafel.
10022,34,2,12,Credits. Robin and lily are at the airport.
10023,34,2,12,Lily: Falafel?
10024,34,2,12,Robin: Falafel.
10025,34,2,12,"Lily: Instead of telling Ted you love him, you said ""falafel""?"
10026,34,2,12,Robin: I totally choked.
10027,34,2,12,Lily: I just don't get it. Why can't you tell Ted you love him?
10028,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, come on, this is a big deal for me."
10029,34,2,12,"Lily: Oh, God, you'd think you never said it to a guy before. No."
10030,34,2,12,"Robin: Okay, well, I don't usually getthis far in the relationship. I usually take the three-week exit."
10031,34,2,12,Lily: Don't tell me you're actually buying into Barney's freeway theory.
10032,34,2,12,The whole gang is at the bar
10033,34,2,12,"Barney: Watch your steps when you get up, kids, 'cause I am about to drop some knowledge. Relationships are like a freeway."
10034,34,2,12,"Marshall: Wait a minute, a month ago you told me relationships are like a traveling circus."
10035,34,2,12,"Barney: No, this is new. This trumps that. Freeways have exits. So do relationships. The first exit, my personal favorite, is six hours in. You meet, you talk, you have s*x, you exit when she's in the shower."
10036,34,2,12,"Robin: So every girl you have s*x with feels the immediate need to shower? Actually, yeah, I get that."
10037,34,2,12,"Barney: The next exits are four days, three weeks, seven months--that's when you guys are gonna break up, mark your calendars."
10038,34,2,12,Ted: What?
10039,34,2,12,"Barney: Then a year and a half, 18 years, and the last exit-- death. Which, if you've been with the same woman for your entire life, it's like, ""Are we there yet?"""
10040,34,2,12,End of flashback. Back with Robin and Lily.
10041,34,2,12,"Robin: So I've never been on the freeway this long before. I mean, usually by now I find out the guy has some weird personality thing that makes me want to take the next exit."
10042,34,2,12,"Lily: Yeah, been there. I once dated a guy who could only go to the bathroom when classical music was playing. Okay, it was Marshall."
10043,34,2,12,Robin: It's just things are going so well with Ted I just don't want to complicate it.
10044,34,2,12,"Lily: Relax, it'll happen when it happens. Which is also the advice I gave Marshall to get him over the classical music thing."
10045,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, here comes Katie."
10046,34,2,12,"Lily: Aw, your sister's so cute."
10047,34,2,12,"Robin: Yeah. This reminds me of when I used to see her coming up the driveway from school, with her little pigtails and her Hello Kitty backpack."
10048,34,2,12,Her sister is kissing a boy.
10049,34,2,12,"Lily: Hello, Kitty."
10050,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, no. No. No. No."
10051,34,2,12,"Katie: Hey, Robin. How are you?"
10052,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, good. Good. So, who is this... tongue person?"
10053,34,2,12,"Katie: Robin, this is my boyfriend Kyle."
10054,34,2,12,Kyle: Looks like hotness runs in the family.
10055,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, you said that. Great. So how long have you two been...?"
10056,34,2,12,Katie: Two whole months.
10057,34,2,12,Kyle: Yeah.
10058,34,2,12,"Katie: He's actually coming to visit family in New York, too. Isn't that great?"
10059,34,2,12,"Kyle: My cousin. He's 23, kind of a wad, but he buys me beer, so..."
10060,34,2,12,Robin: That's cool. This is my friend Lily.
10061,34,2,12,Kyle: Hot.
10062,34,2,12,"Robin: You say things! Well, come on, let's get you back to my place, we'll get you settled."
10063,34,2,12,"Katie: Um, actually, I'm going to stay with Kyle tonight."
10064,34,2,12,"Robin: Uh, no, you're not."
10065,34,2,12,"Katie: Oh, come on. It's kind of a special night. If you know what I mean."
10066,34,2,12,Robin: What? Oh. Oh...
10067,34,2,12,The whole gang is at the bar.
10068,34,2,12,Robin : I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a......douche with a faux hawk. This can't happen. You guys have to help me talk her out of it.
10069,34,2,12,Marshall: Speech to talk a girl out of having s*x.
10070,34,2,12,"Ted: Yeah, I don't have any of those."
10071,34,2,12,Barney: Discouraging premarital s*x is against my religion.
10072,34,2,12,Robin: Please? I'm her older sister. I'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions.
10073,34,2,12,Lily: It's 2:00 and you've already had three scotch and sodas.
10074,34,2,12,Robin: That's why I need your help.
10075,34,2,12,They're all at the Empire State Building.
10076,34,2,12,"Ted (voix off): Robin convinced Katie to stay with her that first night. And the next day, I took everybody to the Empire State Building."
10077,34,2,12,Ted: You guys are lucky you came here with an architect. Empire State Building fun
10078,34,2,12,"fact number one: When construction began on March 17, 1930, the framework rose at a rate of four and a half stories per week. Four and a half stories per week. Four and a half stories per week. There it is. There it is. Come on. These are fun facts, guys, let's have fun with them."
10079,34,2,12,"Robin: You know, Katie, I have wanted to come to the Empire State Building for so long, but I waited to come here with someone special."
10080,34,2,12,"Katie: Oh, here we go."
10081,34,2,12,Lily: Marshall and I have never been to the Empire State Building either. But I'm so glad I waited to do something so important with my fiancee.
10082,34,2,12,"Marshall: Speaking of waiting, I signed an abstinence pledge in high school. It's totally cool to wait. And stay away from drugs... other than pot."
10083,34,2,12,Katie: You told them?
10084,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, okay, yes, I told them. But only because I think you should hear it from other grownups, too. Everyone thinks you should wait. Right, guys?"
10085,34,2,12,All: Totally. You should wait.
10086,34,2,12,Barney: s*x is fun.
10087,34,2,12,Robin: See?
10088,34,2,12,Katie: You are such a hypocrite. You were only 16 when you lost yours.
10089,34,2,12,"Robin: Well, how do you know that? You left your diary in your old room slash my new room."
10090,34,2,12,"Barney: I'll pay you $10,000 for that diary."
10091,34,2,12,"Katie: Look, I've been dating Kyle for two months now. It's like forever. I mean, we've already done everything else. I mean, we've even..."
10092,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh. La, la, la, la, la.La, la, la, la, la, la, la,la, la, la, la, la."
10093,34,2,12,Marshall: Even Kyle gets to do that.
10094,34,2,12,Katie: You have no right to tell me not to do it.
10095,34,2,12,"Robin: But Kyle? Why can't you just wait? Because if you wait, you can get a nice guy like Ted."
10096,34,2,12,"Katie: Robin, this is happening. Look, I already put it up on my Myspace page. I need a clove."
10097,34,2,12,"Robin: You smoke now, too?"
10098,34,2,12,"Lily: Oh, remember cloves?"
10099,34,2,12,Marshall: No!
10100,34,2,12,"Robin: No ""Aw, remember cloves?"" This can't happen. She's my baby sister, okay? She should be watching The Little Mermaid and drinking Yoohoo, and not having s*x."
10101,34,2,12,"Ted: Come on, you were only 16 when you had s*x. I was 17."
10102,34,2,12,Marshall: We were 18.
10103,34,2,12,Ted: Barney was probably 12.
10104,34,2,12,"Barney: Good one, Ted. I was, uh, six... fourt... How old were you again?"
10105,34,2,12,Ted: 17.
10106,34,2,12,"Barney: Dude, me, too."
10107,34,2,12,"Lily: Barney, you okay?"
10108,34,2,12,"Barney: Yeah, of course. What, you don't believe me? - It was at camp, so I'm..."
10109,34,2,12,Marshall: What camp?
10110,34,2,12,Barney: This place in the Catskills. Look it up. I was there teaching for the summer.
10111,34,2,12,Robin: What did you teach?
10112,34,2,12,"Barney: Uh, dance."
10113,34,2,12,Ted: Dance?
10114,34,2,12,"Barney: Yeah, Ted, dance. Maybe you've heard of it. It was just a simple summer job, but it turned into so much more. Her name was Frances Houseman, but everyone called her Baby."
10115,34,2,12,Flashback. Where Barney work that summer.
10116,34,2,12,Barney: Sylvia
10117,34,2,12,"Sylvia: Yes, Mickey?"
10118,34,2,12,Barney: How you call your loverboy?
10119,34,2,12,"Sylvia: Come here, loverboy"
10120,34,2,12,Barney: And if he doesn't answer
10121,34,2,12,"Sylvia: Oh, loverboy"
10122,34,2,12,Barney: And if he still doesn't answer?
10123,34,2,12,"Sylvia: I simply say, baby... Oh, baby. My sweet baby"
10124,34,2,12,End of flashback. Back to the Empire State Building.
10125,34,2,12,Lily: That's Dirty Dancing.
10126,34,2,12,Ted: It was on last night.
10127,34,2,12,"Marshall: No, it was two nights ago. ""She's Like the Wind"" has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. I just got it out. Now it's back in. Damn you, Swayze!"
10128,34,2,12,Lily: Do you remember our first time?
10129,34,2,12,Marshall: Yeah. It was back in college.
10130,34,2,12,Flashback. 1996. In Marshall and Ted's college room. Marshall and lily are kissing.
10131,34,2,12,"Lily: Oh, wait, wait. Look... I really want to do this, but... we should make it special, you know? Do this right."
10132,34,2,12,Marshall: Okay. You're right. Maybe we could go to the beach and get a house for the weekend.
10133,34,2,12,"Lily: Yeah, New Year's Eve."
10134,34,2,12,Marshall: Okay.
10135,34,2,12,"Lily: Oh, and we'll light candles and maybe put on some classical music."
10136,34,2,12,Marshall: That's not a good idea.
10137,34,2,12,Lily: Why not?
10138,34,2,12,Marshall: Long story. But maybe we could put on some Al Green and take a bubble bath together.
10139,34,2,12,"Lily: Oh, yeah, that sounds so good. Oh, I love you, Marshall. I'm so glad we're waiting. (12 minutes later): Oops. End of flashback."
10140,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, that's adorable."
10141,34,2,12,"Ted: Yeah, tell her what happened next."
10142,34,2,12,Back to Marshall and lily's flashback.
10143,34,2,12,Marshall: That was amazing.
10144,34,2,12,Lily: Yeah. Want to do it again?
10145,34,2,12,Ted (on the bed of the top): Please don't. End of flashback.
10146,34,2,12,Marshall: We said we were sorry.
10147,34,2,12,"Ted: Yeah, well, then why'd you do it again?"
10148,34,2,12,"Marshall: You know what, I loaned you my Walkman."
10149,34,2,12,"Lily: The point is no matter what, it's never gonna be as perfect as you want it to be."
10150,34,2,12,"Robin: Well, mine was terrible."
10151,34,2,12,"Lily: Wait, I've never heard your story."
10152,34,2,12,"Robin: Well, as you know, I was 16. And it was with my boyfriend Brian."
10153,34,2,12,Flashback. Robin's in bed with Brian.
10154,34,2,12,Brian: Ready?
10155,34,2,12,Robin: Yeah.
10156,34,2,12,Brian: This feels so right.
10157,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, I know."
10158,34,2,12,"Brian: Oh, Robin."
10159,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, Brian."
10160,34,2,12,"Brian: Yeah, I'm gay. End of flashback."
10161,34,2,12,Lily: I'm so sorry.
10162,34,2,12,"Robin: Eh, I should've known. There were signs."
10163,34,2,12,Back to Robin's flashback.
10164,34,2,12,"Brian: Oh, my God! My mom's home. Quick! Get under my bed."
10165,34,2,12,"Robin: What?! Oh, my God!"
10166,34,2,12,End of flashback.
10167,34,2,12,"Robin: You only get one shot at losing your virginity. And even though I just barely had s*x, it counts."
10168,34,2,12,Lily: What do you mean just barely?
10169,34,2,12,"Robin: Well, he didn't dive all the way into the pool, but he... splashed around in the shallow end."
10170,34,2,12,Lily:  Then you didn't lose your virginity to him. Just barely doesn't count.
10171,34,2,12,"Robin: Yes, it does."
10172,34,2,12,"Lily: No, it doesn't."
10173,34,2,12,"Marshall: Yes, it does."
10174,34,2,12,"Lily: No, it doesn't. It doesn't count. End of story."
10175,34,2,12,"Barney: Ooh, why, Lily Aldrin, you saucy little harlot. Could it be that before Marshall took a swim, someone else tested the water?"
10176,34,2,12,"Marshall: No. Nobody else tested the water, right? Scooter?"
10177,34,2,12,Barney: Who's Scooter?
10178,34,2,12,"Lily: My high school boyfriend, who I did not have s*x with."
10179,34,2,12,"Marshall: I... I can't believe this. We're Marshall and Lily, when people see us, they say, ""Oh, look at them, they've only had s*x with each other."""
10180,34,2,12,"Barney: No, Marshall, they say, (with a sad voice) ""Oh, look at them, they've only had s*x with each other."""
10181,34,2,12,"Marshall: But now that's not true anymore, now you've had s*x with twice as many people as I have. I knew that you were too good at it."
10182,34,2,12,Katie: Know what? I don't want to see the stupid Empire State Building anymore.
10183,34,2,12,Ted: It's not stupid.
10184,34,2,12,Katie: I'm going to see Kyle.
10185,34,2,12,"Robin: Katie, please. You only get to lose your virginity once. You should only be having s*x with someone who's special."
10186,34,2,12,"Katie: Oh, please, you've had s*x with, like, a hundred guys."
10187,34,2,12,Robin: It's not a hundred guys. It's not a hundred guys.
10188,34,2,12,Katie: I'm sure you were madly in love with all of them.
10189,34,2,12,Robin: I had different levels of feeling for each of the... very reasonable number of guys.
10190,34,2,12,"Katie: Really. Well, do you love Ted? Do you love Ted?"
10191,34,2,12,"Robin: I, um..."
10192,34,2,12,"Ted: Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 22: The Empire State Building has tons of places where people can have private conversations. ( goes away with Robin) You're off the hook, okay?"
10193,34,2,12,Robin: Just let me explain.
10194,34,2,12,Ted: You don't have to explain anything. You don't have to say it-- it's fine.
10195,34,2,12,"Robin: Okay, but if relationships are like a freeway, then saying... ""hm hm hm"" is like... getting into the carpool lane. And I don't want to take an exit, but... at the same time, I'm not ready to get into the carpool lane. Because what's in the carpool lane? Oh, it's a big diamond, and I'm just not ready to get..."
10196,34,2,12,"Ted: Okay, Robin, Robin, stop. It's no big deal, you don't have to say it."
10197,34,2,12,"Robin: It's just, it's a big thing to say to someone, and I don't want to say it too soon."
10198,34,2,12,"Ted: What, you mean like I did?"
10199,34,2,12,"Robin: No. I didn't... Yeah, like you did. I mean, you have to admit it, Ted, it was a little weird."
10200,34,2,12,Ted: Weird... or courageous?
10201,34,2,12,"Robin: Pretty sure weird. I mean, who gives it up on the first date?"
10202,34,2,12,"Ted: Well, come on, it shows I'm brave and bold, like a knight."
10203,34,2,12,"Robin: No, it shows that you're an I-love-you slut."
10204,34,2,12,"Ted: Well, then you're an I-love-you prude. You know what? I take mine back."
10205,34,2,12,Robin: You... What?
10206,34,2,12,"Ted: I take my ""I love you"" back."
10207,34,2,12,Robin: You can't take it back.
10208,34,2,12,"Ted: Nah. Just did. Got it right here. But, you know, I'm such a slut. I'm just gonna give it away. Hey, you, sir. I love you."
10209,34,2,12,"Man: Thank you, man. I was going up there to jump. (the man hugs Ted)"
10210,34,2,12,"Lily: Marshall, why is this such a big deal?"
10211,34,2,12,"Marshall: Why is this such a big deal? Oh, uh, sorry, Christopher Columbus, guess who actually discovered the New World. Some dude named Scooter. Oh, uh, Neil Armstrong, it actually goes like this: ""One small step for man, one giant leap for Scooter."" Whoa, hey, Adam, guess who got with Eve before you did..."
10212,34,2,12,"Lily: Okay, Marshall, I get it."
10213,34,2,12,Marshall: It's a big deal because it rewrites our history.
10214,34,2,12,"Lily: No, it doesn't. Look, have you been to the Empire State Building? No. You've only been in the lobby. People don't buy tickets to get in the lobby. They buy tickets to get to the top. Scooter only got in the lobby, and the lobby doesn't count."
10215,34,2,12,"Marshall: Really. Excuse me, sir, uh, can you tell me how to get to the Empire State Building?"
10216,34,2,12,"Man (the same that talked to Ted) Um, we're in it right now."
10217,34,2,12,"Marshall: Thank you, sir. You're a very wise and brilliant man."
10218,34,2,12,Man: You're right. Why would I throw that all away? I'm having the best day!
10219,34,2,12,"Robin: Katie, I'll admit, maybe I'm not in any place to lecture you on romantic relationships, but... but I just don't want you to make the same mistakes that I've made."
10220,34,2,12,"Katie: Oh, believe me, Kyle is not gay."
10221,34,2,12,Robin: That's not what I meant. I just wish you weren't in such a rush to grow up. Please don't do this.
10222,34,2,12,"Ted (V.O.) : But, kids, later that night, Katie did it, and she got pregnant... with quintuplets... and she lived out her days in a trailer park... where she died an alcoholic. So the moral here, kids, don't have s*x until you're married. Maybe even, like, a year or two into marriage."
10223,34,2,12,His kids: Dad!
10224,34,2,12,"The girl: Come on, what really happened?"
10225,34,2,12,"Ted (V.O.): All right, here's what really happened."
10226,34,2,12,
10227,34,2,12,Ted is sitting on the couch at the apartment when Robin comes in.
10228,34,2,12,Robin: Hey.
10229,34,2,12,Ted: Hey.
10230,34,2,12,Robin: She didn't do it.
10231,34,2,12,"Ted: Hey, that's great! You got through to her."
10232,34,2,12,"Robin: No, I didn't. You did. She told me that you talked to her."
10233,34,2,12,Flashback. Ted meets Katie et the Empire State Building.
10234,34,2,12,"Ted: Hey, Katie."
10235,34,2,12,Katie: Hey. Got another Empire State Building fun fact for me?
10236,34,2,12,"Ted: No. I wouldn't bore you with the seven million man-hours it took to build this 102-story testament to human will. So, you okay?"
10237,34,2,12,"Katie: I don't know what everyone is freaking out about. Kyle, he's a really nice guy. He could've cheated on me with my lab partner Gretchen Gwynn, but he didn't. 'Cause he said he knew I'd find out."
10238,34,2,12,"Ted: That's very gallant. Well, I don't know what your sister's freaking out about, either. - I was your age my first time."
10239,34,2,12,"Katie: Oh, really?"
10240,34,2,12,"Ted: Yeah, yeah. It was, uh, it was with this girl, Molly."
10241,34,2,12,Flashback. Ted is on the bed with molly.
10242,34,2,12,"Molly: I love you, Ted."
10243,34,2,12,"Ted: Oh, I love you, too, Molly. (Voix off ) But I didn't."
10244,34,2,12,Molly: That was amazing.
10245,34,2,12,"Ted: Look, I got to go."
10246,34,2,12,Molly: Where are you going?
10247,34,2,12,Ted: My cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. We're going out to the woods to light 'em-- it's gonna be awesome.
10248,34,2,12,"Molly: Well, will you call me?"
10249,34,2,12,"Ted: Yeah. Yeah, I'll totally call you. (Voix off) But I didn't. Molly?"
10250,34,2,12,Molly: Yeah?
10251,34,2,12,Ted: Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back.(Voix off) But I didn't.
10252,34,2,12,End of flashback. Back to Katie and Ted.
10253,34,2,12,"Ted: And I never saw her again. I told her I loved her, but... I just wanted to have s*x. I-I would've said anything to make that happen, and... that's exactly what I did. Look, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just telling you what all 17-year-old boys are like. Even the nice ones."
10254,34,2,12,Flashback. Katie's at Robin apartment.
10255,34,2,12,Katie: So I told Kyle I wanted to wait... and he dumped me.
10256,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Aw, honey. I promise everything is gonna be okay. You want to watch The Little Mermaid and drink some YooHoo?"
10257,34,2,12,Katie: Only if you put a buttload of Kahlua in it.
10258,34,2,12,Robin: Don't tell Mom.
10259,34,2,12,End of flashbacks. Back to robin and Ted.
10260,34,2,12,Robin: Thanks for doing that.
10261,34,2,12,Ted: You're welcome. I knew it meant a lot to you.
10262,34,2,12,"Robin: But, man, your story, I mean, it doesn't even sound like you."
10263,34,2,12,"Ted: Yeah, well..."
10264,34,2,12,Flashback. Ted and molly are on the bed.
10265,34,2,12,"Ted: I love you, Molly."
10266,34,2,12,"Molly: Oh, I love you, too, Ted."
10267,34,2,12,Ted: Wow. That was amazing.
10268,34,2,12,"Molly:  Look, I got to go."
10269,34,2,12,Ted: Wh-Where are you going?
10270,34,2,12,"Molly: Uh, my cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. We're going into the woods to light them. It's gonna be awesome."
10271,34,2,12,Ted: Will you call me?
10272,34,2,12,"Molly: Yeah. I'll totally call you. Oh, Ted?"
10273,34,2,12,Ted: Yeah?
10274,34,2,12,Molly: Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back.
10275,34,2,12,End of flashback.
10276,34,2,12,Ted: But she didn't.
10277,34,2,12,"Robin: Oh, come here. I love you. I said it. Feels right. I love you."
10278,34,2,12,"Ted: I'm gay. I'm kidding. I love you, too. Hey... you lost your I-love-you-ginity."
10279,34,2,12,Robin: Yeah. I guess I was just waiting for the right guy.
10280,34,2,12,Ted (voix off): Katie ended up having a great first time in New York. And the last thing we did before she left was go to the Empire State Building.
10281,34,2,12,Ted: I am so glad we're finally doing this.
10282,34,2,12,Barney: What are you talking about? We were here yesterday.
10283,34,2,12,"Marshall: Yeah, but that didn't really count. Oh, crap."
10284,34,2,12,"Lily: Exactly! So yesterday doesn't count as having gone to the Empire State Building. So I lost it to you, Marshall. And I rode that elevator to the top, and I saw that view, and I basked in the awesomeness. And that's our story."
10285,34,2,12,"Marshall: Yeah. Yeah, that's our story. We've only had s*x with each other."
10286,34,2,12,Lily: We've only had s*x with each other.
10287,34,2,12,Barney: They've only had s*x with each other.
10288,34,2,12,"Ted: Ooh, okay, in, in we go, in we go. Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 81: There are 1,860 steps from this... (They push him outside the elevator) Whoa, whoa! Come on!"
10289,34,2,12,They're at the bar.
10290,34,2,12,"Ted: So, now you guys can finally say you've been to the Empire State Building. How have you lived here so long and never been to the top?"
10291,34,2,12,"Marshall: Well, we're usually busy... drinking."
10292,34,2,12,"Lily: Speaking of first times, we never got to hear your virginity story."
10293,34,2,12,"Marshall: That's right, I almost forgot."
10294,34,2,12,"Barney: Okay. I was 16, and it was in a baseball dugout..."
10295,34,2,12,Marshall: Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
10296,34,2,12,"Barney: I mean, I was in a subway with a high-priced call girl..."
10297,34,2,12,Ted: Risky Business.
10298,34,2,12,Barney: I was accidentally hacking into NORAD'S computer...
10299,34,2,12,"Ted: That's War Games, and there's not even a s*x scene in it."
10300,34,2,12,"Barney: All right! I was 23, and it was with my mom's 45-year-old divorced friend, Rhonda. She called me ""Barry"" the whole time, and for two weeks, my comforter smelled like menthol cigarettes. You happy?"
10301,34,2,12,Marshall: Hey... Why don't you tell us again about your first time at the camp in the Catskills.
10302,34,2,12,Barney: Baby and her family spent every summer at Kellerman's. Her dad did not approve of our love.
10303,34,2,12,Ted: Did anyone put Baby in a corner?
10304,35,2,13,"Flashback. In 1982, Ted is building a tower with legos."
10305,35,2,13,"Ted (voix off): Some kids dream of being astronauts. Some kids dream of playing baseball. When I was a kid, I had only one dream. To build a skyscraper."
10306,35,2,13,Boy: That's stupid. (he destroys Ted's tower.)
10307,35,2,13,End of flashback
10308,35,2,13,Ted (voix off): There were some obstacles along the way. But eventually my dream came true. I became an architect.
10309,35,2,13,Ted at work.
10310,35,2,13,"Ted: Morning, everyone! So, I had an idea for the atrium. Ready? Columns."
10311,35,2,13,Mr. Druthers: That's stupid. (he destroys his model)
10312,35,2,13,Credits.
10313,35,2,13,Ted: I... I can't believe you knocked over my model.
10314,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Well, it's just... it's not exactly new, is it-- columns? I mean, what's your next groundbreaking idea-- ceilings? Floors? Windows?"
10315,35,2,13,"Ted (voix off): I know what you're thinking: Who's this jerk? Well, this jerk was Hammond Druthers, a legend in the architecture community. Very big in the '80s. He was also far and away the worst boss I ever had. Then I designed the Spokane National Bank Building. And suddenly... I was his boss. - And he didn't like it."
10316,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: Stairs?
10317,35,2,13,"Ted (voix off): And to be honest, I wasn't sure I liked it either. See, before, when I was just another employee, I was happy, carefree. The guy who hung out in the break room making fun of the boss."
10318,35,2,13,Flashback. Ted's in the break room with two co-workers.
10319,35,2,13,Ted: Did you see what he was wearing today? It was like his pants were being held up by his nipples.
10320,35,2,13,"Co-worker: Yeah, and that shirt with the flowers, I get hay fever just looking at it."
10321,35,2,13,Ted (voix off): But suddenly I was a different guy.
10322,35,2,13,Ted's in the break room with two co-workers.
10323,35,2,13,"Ted: Hey, guys. What's so funny?"
10324,35,2,13,Co-worker: Nothing. Um... nice shirt.
10325,35,2,13,Ted: Thanks.
10326,35,2,13,Ted (voix off): The hours were insane. I was always working even when I wasn't at work.
10327,35,2,13,Ted and Robin are on the bed. Robin is sleeping.
10328,35,2,13,"Ted: Oh, Robin... I just had a great idea."
10329,35,2,13,"Robin: Oh, do whatever you want to me just don't wake me up."
10330,35,2,13,"Ted (voix off): Before, I used to be this guy."
10331,35,2,13,"Ted: Dude, of course you should take the day off for the Foo Fighters concert. Just say you're sick."
10332,35,2,13,Ted (voix off): But now...I was this guy.
10333,35,2,13,"Ted: Sick, huh? Unbutton your shirt. Hmm... ""Foo Fighters."" Get back to work."
10334,35,2,13,"Ted (voix off): But still, the worst part was Druthers."
10335,35,2,13,End of flashback. Back to work.
10336,35,2,13,"Ted: Well, I was thinking..."
10337,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Ceilings? Oops. Said that already. Then again, you seem to like rehashing old ideas. I'm kidding, of course. Another hole in one, boss."
10338,35,2,13,The whole gang's at the bar.
10339,35,2,13,"Robin: Oh, wow, he must be really good-looking."
10340,35,2,13,Ted: Why would you say that?
10341,35,2,13,"Robin: Well, 'cause only good-looking people can get away with saying things like that."
10342,35,2,13,Barney: I have found that to be true.
10343,35,2,13,Marshall: It's a blessing and a curse really.
10344,35,2,13,"Lily: Ted, you can't let him treat you like that."
10345,35,2,13,"Marshall: Yeah, you gotta ask yourself, who's the boss?"
10346,35,2,13,Ted: Tony.
10347,35,2,13,Robin: Angela.
10348,35,2,13,Barney: Mona.
10349,35,2,13,Robin: Mona?
10350,35,2,13,Barney: Watch it more closely. Rock your world.
10351,35,2,13,"Robin: So, what are you gonna do?"
10352,35,2,13,"Ted: Well... it's awkward, I mean, the guy used to be my boss. So, I went to talk to the managing partner."
10353,35,2,13,Flashback. Ted is with the Managing Partner.
10354,35,2,13,MP: Fire him.
10355,35,2,13,"Ted: Well, sir, I was thinking he could just be put on a different project."
10356,35,2,13,"MP: Fire him! He's an arrogant, washed-up, pain in the ass. In fact, fire everyone on that project. Druthers, Mosby, the whole lot of them."
10357,35,2,13,"Ted: Mosby, sir? I, I... I hear Mosby's doing some great work."
10358,35,2,13,"MP: Fine, Mosby can stay. But tell him he's on thin ice. Come here. I like you, Crosby."
10359,35,2,13,End of flashback. Back at Ted's apartment.
10360,35,2,13,Barney: You mind if I charge my phone?
10361,35,2,13,Ted: Knock yourself out.
10362,35,2,13,"Robin: Well, Ted, if you do fire Druthers, the key is timing. Remember when I had to fire my makeup artist?"
10363,35,2,13,Flasback Robin's work.
10364,35,2,13,"Robin: Vicki, um... I'm so sorry about this, but there's been some budget cuts and, um, we have to let you go. I mean, after tonight. I still need my makeup for the broadcast. So... (Robin on TV wearing a lot of make-up.): Our thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the victims."
10365,35,2,13,End of flashback
10366,35,2,13,Ted: You know what? I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna fire Druthers tomorrow.
10367,35,2,13,"Barney: Oh, my God! (barney's holding a painting)"
10368,35,2,13,Ted: What?
10369,35,2,13,Barney: Do you know about this?
10370,35,2,13,Ted: No.
10371,35,2,13,Robin: What is that?
10372,35,2,13,"Barney: Only the greatest thing ever. Wait, wait, wait-- that's not enough buildup. If they were to cure cancer tomorrow, this would still be the greatest thing to happen all week. Okay. Now you're ready for naked Marshall."
10373,35,2,13,"Ted: Oh, my God. This is awesome times awesome. It's awesome squared."
10374,35,2,13,"Barney: I know, right? Behind the piano this whole time."
10375,35,2,13,"Robin: Wait. If Marshall went to all this trouble to hide it, he clearly doesn't want us to find it."
10376,35,2,13,"Barney: Oh, come on, Robin."
10377,35,2,13,"Robin: No, I'm saying that he must be really embarrassed by this. We are gonna have so much fun."
10378,35,2,13,Barney: I know! We're gonna have so much fun!
10379,35,2,13,At Ted's work.
10380,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Oh, sorry I'm late; lunch ran a little long. You wanted to see me, Mosby?"
10381,35,2,13,"Ted: Uh, yeah, like four hours ago."
10382,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Well, excuse me, for spending the last four hours drawing designs for your building."
10383,35,2,13,"Ted: This is a cocktail napkin. Covered in profanity. Look, Hammond, um, there's no easy way to say this, so... why don't we just, um, step into your office."
10384,35,2,13,The others employees come with a cake and singing.
10385,35,2,13,Employees: Happy birthday to you.
10386,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Oh, you had me. You so had me."
10387,35,2,13,In Ted's apartment.
10388,35,2,13,"Robin: So, you didn't fire him?"
10389,35,2,13,"Ted: I can't fire a guy on his birthday. Everyone would hate me. Besides, they put a party hat on me. My authority was compromised."
10390,35,2,13,"Barney: Oh, hey, Marshall. Have a seat. I know how much you love stools."
10391,35,2,13,"Marshall: Thanks. Yeah, stools are better for your posture."
10392,35,2,13,"Robin: And, uh... I... got you a rose."
10393,35,2,13,Marshall: Thank you. That's so sweet. You guys are being... so sweet.
10394,35,2,13,"Barney: Hey, guys. Guess what I got. A new dart."
10395,35,2,13,"Robin: Oh, wow, a new dart."
10396,35,2,13,"Ted: Hey, that new dart is great."
10397,35,2,13,"Robin: I did not know you were such a fan of new dart, Barney."
10398,35,2,13,"Barney: Oh, yes, Robin, I just love new dart. Nude art."
10399,35,2,13,Ted:  Nude art.
10400,35,2,13,Robin:  Nude art.
10401,35,2,13,"Marshall: Okay, all right, so what, you guys found the painting, huh?"
10402,35,2,13,Lily: I knew this day would come.
10403,35,2,13,Marshall: How did you know that?
10404,35,2,13,Lily: Because I didn't hide it very well.
10405,35,2,13,"Flashback. In 1998, lily's on the bad while marshall's playing a videogame."
10406,35,2,13,"Ted (voix off): So the story on the painting is that,back in college, Lily wanted to do a nude study for her art class. Marshall wasn't so into the idea."
10407,35,2,13,"Marshall: Well, I just... don't think that some dude should drop trou just to pose for you."
10408,35,2,13,"Lily: It's for class, and it's just that weird kid Hunter from my freshman hall."
10409,35,2,13,Marshall: The frisbee dude with the soul patch? He's like the hottest guy in school!
10410,35,2,13,"Lily: No, he's actually a little husky..."
10411,35,2,13,"Marshall: Oh, he's just huggable! And complicated... and a little bit of a jerk. Just enough so you think maybe you can change him."
10412,35,2,13,"Lily: Okay, just forget it."
10413,35,2,13,"Marshall: Call me old-fashioned, I just think that I'm the only guy you should see naked."
10414,35,2,13,"Lily: Well, then you'll have to do it."
10415,35,2,13,Marshall: Are you kidding me? What if somebody sees it?
10416,35,2,13,Lily: We're not in high school anymore. People don't make fun of you for posing nude for a painting. We're adults now.
10417,35,2,13,End of flashback.
10418,35,2,13,Barney: We totally saw your butt.
10419,35,2,13,Marshall: This painting has caused too much grief already. I'm destroying it right now.
10420,35,2,13,"Barney: Oh, no, what's the matter, Marshall?"
10421,35,2,13,Marshall: Where is it?
10422,35,2,13,Barney: I'll tell you where it is if you'll answer these riddles three.
10423,35,2,13,"Marshall: You hung it up in the bar, didn't you?"
10424,35,2,13,"Barney: Yo, why you gotta ruin my riddles?"
10425,35,2,13,Ted: Field trip!
10426,35,2,13,Marshall comes running into the bar with the others
10427,35,2,13,"Barney: Oh, no. Someone put your painting up behind the bar. Classic! What a memorable prank."
10428,35,2,13,"Carl: Hey, Marshall. What'll you have?"
10429,35,2,13,"Marshall: What'll I have? Um, I don't know, maybe a beer and that nude painting of me hanging behind the bar!"
10430,35,2,13,"Carl: Ooh, I'm sorry, that painting's property of the bar."
10431,35,2,13,Marshall: I know that Barney gave you that painting.
10432,35,2,13,Carl: I don't know what you're talking about.
10433,35,2,13,"Marshall: Whatever he's paying you, I'll pay you double."
10434,35,2,13,Carl: I doubt it.
10435,35,2,13,"Marshall: Whatever he's paying you, I'll give you that plus ten bucks."
10436,35,2,13,Carl: I doubt it.
10437,35,2,13,"Marshall: All right, you know what, Carl, you just lost yourself a regular customer."
10438,35,2,13,Carl: I doubt it.
10439,35,2,13,Marshall: This painting is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
10440,35,2,13,"Robin: Okay, where should we put it up next? In his law school? Ooh on the side of a bus. Oh, oh! How much do billboards cost?"
10441,35,2,13,"Barney: Easy, Scherbatsky. Finesse. I've got a five-year rollout plan. I'll have you know that painting's got commitments all over the city. Then, after New York..."
10442,35,2,13,"Marshall runs to the painting, takes it and goes out yelling."
10443,35,2,13,"Ted: One of my worst fears has come true-- I just saw Marshall grabbing himself naked. Well, I gotta go. Believe it or not, I have to go back to the office."
10444,35,2,13,"Robin: Oh, I'll go out with you. Bye, guys."
10445,35,2,13,Ted and Robin leave. There's only Lily ant Barney left.
10446,35,2,13,"Lily: You know, I wish everyone didn't have to make fun of that painting."
10447,35,2,13,"Barney: Eh, we're not making fun of the painting, we're just making fun of Marshall. The painting's actually really great."
10448,35,2,13,Lily: Are you serious?
10449,35,2,13,Barney: Yeah.
10450,35,2,13,"Lily: Well, thank you. You know, seeing it again makes me miss painting nudes. What?"
10451,35,2,13,Barney: Paint me.
10452,35,2,13,Lily: What?
10453,35,2,13,Barney: Paint me.
10454,35,2,13,Ted is at the office.
10455,35,2,13,Voice: Who's that? Who's out there?
10456,35,2,13,"Ted: Hammond, is that you?"
10457,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: Mosby?
10458,35,2,13,"Ted (voix off): Druthers and I were alone in the office. If I was gonna fire him, this would be the best chance I'd ever have."
10459,35,2,13,"Mr Druters: Uh, look, just a second, Ted."
10460,35,2,13,"Ted: Uh, no, I, I really need to talk to you. Look, there's no easy way to say... What, what are you doing?"
10461,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: What are you doing?
10462,35,2,13,Ted: I'm standing here wearing pants. Are you sleeping here? What's going on?
10463,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Okay, fine, yes. Not that it's any of your business but my wife had a little spat a few weeks ago, and I've been sleeping here until she cools off."
10464,35,2,13,"Ted: Okay, well, uh, you're right-- that is none of my business. Uh, look, there's no easy way to say this-- I..."
10465,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: Who am I kidding? She's never gonna take me back.
10466,35,2,13,Ted: It's okay.
10467,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: What did you want to say to me?
10468,35,2,13,"Ted: Happy birthday, buddy. So, you've been living at the office?"
10469,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: Yes. I'm an architect without a home. You see the tragic irony in that?
10470,35,2,13,"Ted: Yeah, I do."
10471,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: Cause I design homes.
10472,35,2,13,Ted: I see it.
10473,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: But I don't have a home.
10474,35,2,13,"Ted: Not lost on me at all. But I don't understand, why don't you just go to a hotel? You could be sleeping on a mattress instead of... what appears to be torn-up drawings of my building."
10475,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Why would I go to a hotel, when any second, she's going to call and tell me to come home. She's a very special lady, Ted. She's quite... mannish. She gives me what I need. Do you understand that?"
10476,35,2,13,"Ted: Uh, no, I don't."
10477,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: If you were lost in the wilderness, she can provide for me."
10478,35,2,13,"Ted: Well, that's the dream."
10479,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: I'm glad you came here tonight, Ted."
10480,35,2,13,"Ted: Me too, Hammond."
10481,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: Call me Ham.
10482,35,2,13,"Ted: No, thanks."
10483,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: Hammy D?
10484,35,2,13,"Ted: No, I think just Hammond."
10485,35,2,13,
10486,35,2,13,Robin and Ted are at the apartment. Mr Druthers is on the couch.
10487,35,2,13,"Robin: So, I'm guessing you didn't fire him."
10488,35,2,13,Ted: I was this close.
10489,35,2,13,"Ted (voix off): Meanwhile, Lily had been up all night in the grips of a dilemma."
10490,35,2,13,Lily's trying to wake up marshall.
10491,35,2,13,"Lily: Oh honey, you're awake?"
10492,35,2,13,Marshall: I'm awake. Is everything okay?
10493,35,2,13,Lily: Yeah. I've kind of been wrestling with something. What if I told you I had a way to pay for our honeymoon?
10494,35,2,13,"Marshall: Baby, our honeymoon's already paid for. We're going to Howe Caverns."
10495,35,2,13,"Lily: Well yeah, but-- but what if we didn't want to spend our honeymoon in a cave?"
10496,35,2,13,"Marshall: It's not just a cave, it's a whole labyrinth of caves. It's an underground adventure. There's a cave that's so dark that you don't even know you're in there. I mean, we're going to experience a whole new kind of dark."
10497,35,2,13,"Lily: Well, what if I found a way to make a little extra money so that we spend our honeymoon not in Howe Caverns, but in Scotland?"
10498,35,2,13,Marshall: Loch Ness?
10499,35,2,13,"Lily: Yeah. And you know, Edinburgh and the Highlands and Glasgow..."
10500,35,2,13,"Marshall: Loch Ness. Nessy. Baby, I would love to search for the enchanted creature of the Emerald Loch, but... we can't afford that."
10501,35,2,13,Lily: Maybe we can.
10502,35,2,13,Flashback. Barney and lily are at Mclaren's.
10503,35,2,13,Barney: Paint me.
10504,35,2,13,"Lily: Okay, I don't get this. You've been making fun of that painting all this time and now you want me to paint you?"
10505,35,2,13,"Barney: We knew we could torture Marshall because he has shame. I do not. In my body, where the shame gland should be, there's a second awesome gland. True story."
10506,35,2,13,"Lily: Yeah, that's not the gland I'm worried about painting."
10507,35,2,13,"Barney: Yeah. A nude Barney is a challenge. But I think you're talented enough to immortalize this. Now is the time-- I'm 31. I'm at the peak of my physical beauty. If I were a woman, I'd have passed it long, long ago. Long ago."
10508,35,2,13,Lily: Forget it. I promised Marshall he was the only guy I would ever see naked.
10509,35,2,13,"Barney: I'll give you $5,000."
10510,35,2,13,End of flashback. Back to Lily and Marshall.
10511,35,2,13,Marshall: We're going to Loch Ness!
10512,35,2,13,Lily: Yeah!
10513,35,2,13,Ted arrives at the office.
10514,35,2,13,Ted: That cabby would not shut up.
10515,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Yeah, we should call him a gabby."
10516,35,2,13,"Ted: I think it, you say it."
10517,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Hey, uh... thanks for putting me up last night, buddy. Give 'em hell."
10518,35,2,13,"Ted: Morning, team. So, I have given it some thought, and I say we revisit columns."
10519,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Oh, God, not this again. Ted, a man in a toga just arrived and delivered a parchment. Let me read it: Oh! It's from ancient Greece. They want their basic architectural elements back. Geez."
10520,35,2,13,Ted: What?
10521,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: You didn't hear me? Toga, parchment..."
10522,35,2,13,Ted: Can I see you for one second?
10523,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Ooh, I'm in trouble now."
10524,35,2,13,"Ted: What are you doing? I thought we were friends. You slept on my couch, you ate my cereal. I tossed you more toilet paper."
10525,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: We are friends. But that doesn't magically make your bad ideas good.
10526,35,2,13,"Ted: What? I don't believe this! You're, you're, you're wearing my clothes! And my"
10527,35,2,13,"girlfriend's... sneakers, man, you have weirdly small feet."
10528,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Ted, I hope that you're not going to let our professional woes interfere with our friendship, because I really kind of need you right now."
10529,35,2,13,Lily is with Barney in the room.
10530,35,2,13,"Lily: Okay, let's get this over with."
10531,35,2,13,"Barney: Hey, hey! I don't want you phoning this in. This painting could, someday, become a serious work of art. I mean, you have been blessed with an amazing gift."
10532,35,2,13,Lily: Thank you.
10533,35,2,13,"Barney: I meant me. Now, I like how you captured Marshall's essence. Goofy and unburdened, with wit. But me, I want something more regal. Something my progeny could look at and say, ""There's stands Barnabus Stinson."" He was wise... and strong."
10534,35,2,13,Lily: I don't think your sword will fit.
10535,35,2,13,Barney: I get that a lot.
10536,35,2,13,"Ted (voix off): And so, as Lily began painting, Marshall thought about the $5,000 and what his fiancee was doing to earn it."
10537,35,2,13,Marshall is at the bar with money on his hands.
10538,35,2,13,Marshall: This isn't right. This isn't right at all.
10539,35,2,13,"Ted (voix off): Finally, he could take it no more."
10540,35,2,13,Back to the room where lily's painting.
10541,35,2,13,Lily: Hold still. Hold still. Hold still!
10542,35,2,13,Barney: Paint faster!
10543,35,2,13,"Lily: Okay, I guess it's time. Drop your shorts."
10544,35,2,13,"Barney: Yeah. Wait, wait! That wasn't enough buildup. I need... In a world without justice, one man..."
10545,35,2,13,"Lily: Oh, just drop them!"
10546,35,2,13,Barney: All right.
10547,35,2,13,Marshall comes in.
10548,35,2,13,"Marshall: No! No, this is not right!"
10549,35,2,13,Barney: We had a deal!
10550,35,2,13,"Marshall: Well, I'm going back on the deal. Barney, get out!"
10551,35,2,13,Barney: You...!
10552,35,2,13,"Marshall: It's over! (he closes the door at Barney's face). (Yelling) Lily, I can't let you go through with this! (whispering) I found a castle we can stay in, but it's an extra two grand. (Yelling) It's just not right! (whispering). It's beautiful and they say it's haunted."
10553,35,2,13,(Yelling) I can't let the woman I love compromise her values for money! (whispering) I totally think we can get some more money out of him. (Yelling) I'm never letting my
10554,35,2,13,"fiancee, ever...! (he opens the door) Oh, you're still here?"
10555,35,2,13,"Barney: Before you say anything, I'll give you an extra five grand."
10556,35,2,13,Marshall:  We accept.
10557,35,2,13,"Barney: You people are so easy to control. Dance for me, puppets, dance."
10558,35,2,13,Ted (voix off): And that's how Uncle Barney paid for Lily and Marshall's honeymoon.
10559,35,2,13,Ted is at the office.
10560,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Come on, Ted, listen, why don't we get back and finish drawing the plans for a building which, in my opinion, is never going to get built, so you and I can get out of here and grab a couple of beers."
10561,35,2,13,"Ted: No. Look, Hammond, there's no easy way to say this but..."
10562,35,2,13,Man: Looking for Hammond Druthers.
10563,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Oh, that's me. I'm Hammond Druthers."
10564,35,2,13,Man: These are divorce papers. You've been served.
10565,35,2,13,"Ted: Oh, God."
10566,35,2,13,Mr Druthers: She's really going through with this. So that's it. It's over.
10567,35,2,13,"Ted: There is no easy way to say this, but..."
10568,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: She's giving me the remains of Wolfie? My dog is dead? Oh, my God. I can't believe this. She always played too rough with him."
10569,35,2,13,"Ted: Believe me, there is no easy way to say this..."
10570,35,2,13,Men (singing): # Happy birthday to you... #
10571,35,2,13,Ted: You've got to be kidding me!
10572,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Guys, you have no idea how much this means to me right now."
10573,35,2,13,"Ted: Wait, his birthday was yesterday!"
10574,35,2,13,"Man: Yeah, but a bunch of us were up at the conference in Montreal, so we thought..."
10575,35,2,13,"Ted: No! No birthday! No! I got something to say and I'm gonna get it out. Hammond, listen to me. I am sorry that your dog died, and that your wife is divorcing you and that... your life is falling apart and that these guys missed your birthday. And there is no easy way to say... What are you doing? What's going on?"
10576,35,2,13,"Mr Druthers: Oh, God..."
10577,35,2,13,"Ted: Oh, come on, you're not going to pull that, are you? Oh! Look, yeah, right. Now we're falling onto the ground. Well, nice try, but guess what? You're fired! You're fired, you get it? You hear me? You're gone! You're fired! (Mr Druthers is taken on a stretcher with an oxygen mask on his face.) In my defense, I think we all suspected Hammond might have been faking. On the plus side, the EMTs seem to think he's going to be just fine and, as you saw, they did admit that I did not cause the heart attack, even if they said it a bit begrudgingly."
10578,35,2,13,"Ted (voix off): And there it was, rock bottom: They all hated me. But just when all seemed lost, I had the greatest idea of my entire career."
10579,35,2,13,"Man: Margarita Fridays--great idea, boss."
10580,35,2,13,Lily is still painting
10581,35,2,13,"Lily: Okay, it's done. I'm gonna step out, so you can admire it."
10582,35,2,13,"Barney: Thank you very much, Lily."
10583,35,2,13,Lily steps out of the room.
10584,35,2,13,"Lily: Marshall, do you have the money?"
10585,35,2,13,Marshall: Yeah.
10586,35,2,13,Lily: Let's get out of here!
10587,36,2,14,"Ted (voix off): Kids, I told you stories about all the big holidays - Christmas... Halloween... Thanksgiving... but one holiday was always my favorite-- Super Bowl Sunday. And there was one Super Bowl back in 2007 that I will never forget."
10588,36,2,14,They're all at Mclaren's
10589,36,2,14,"Ted: Marshall, you're on beer detail. Lily, you're making the bean dip. Uh, Robin, you're on chips and pretzels, and Barney, I'm giving you nothing to do so you can just focus on controlling your gambling problem."
10590,36,2,14,"Barney: ""Problem."" Oh, poor Superman, he should really do something about his flying problem. It's not a problem if you're awesome at it."
10591,36,2,14,"Ted: And I will be going to Quinn's to pick up the world's greatest food, the Super Bowl Hot Wings Platter."
10592,36,2,14,"Marshall: If I were a chicken, I'd go cannibal for those bad boys. Just eat my own damn wing off. I don't care. I'm crazy like that."
10593,36,2,14,The waitress: Here's the info for tomorrow night.
10594,36,2,14,Ted: What's tomorrow night?
10595,36,2,14,"The waitress: Oh, God, you didn't hear? Mark died."
10596,36,2,14,"Lily: Oh, my God."
10597,36,2,14,"Marshall: Oh, my gosh."
10598,36,2,14,"The waitress: The funeral's tomorrow at 6:00, and I know it would have meant a lot to Mark if you came. You guys were his favorite customers."
10599,36,2,14,All: Stay strong. We're so sorry. (the waitress leaves)
10600,36,2,14,Ted: Who was Mark?
10601,36,2,14,Marshall: No idea.
10602,36,2,14,Barney: Not a clue.
10603,36,2,14,"Lily: Well, I guess we should go, right?"
10604,36,2,14,"Marshall: Wait... tomorrow night at 6:00, that's the Super Bowl."
10605,36,2,14,"Ted: Okay, I feel terrible, but the truth is we didn't know Mike."
10606,36,2,14,Lily: Mark.
10607,36,2,14,"Ted: Mark, and as long as we send flowers, I can't think of any reason we'd have to Carl (at the bar): Get out of here! I never want to see your face in this bar again! This soulless b*st*rd just told me he can't come to Mark's funeral because he wants to watch the Super Bowl. Could you believe that? You guys are coming, right?"
10608,36,2,14,All: Yes... Wouldn't miss for the world.
10609,36,2,14,CREDITS
10610,36,2,14,At the apartment they're preparing for the funeral.
10611,36,2,14,"Ted: Okay, here's the plan: record the game, go to the funeral, pay our respects to Matt..."
10612,36,2,14,Lily: Mark.
10613,36,2,14,"Ted: Mark, and start watching only an hour late."
10614,36,2,14,"Marshall: Okay, that's great, but just to make sure it records, maybe we should bow our heads and say a quiet prayer to the TiVo gods."
10615,36,2,14,"Ted: Almighty TiVo, we thank you for all the gifts you have given us: the power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of Godlike. Let's not forget fast-forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, O magic box, but if you malfunction and miss the Super Bowl, we will destroy you in the"
10616,36,2,14,alley with baseball bats.
10617,36,2,14,Marshall: Amen.
10618,36,2,14,Ted: Amen.
10619,36,2,14,Lily: We are not fast-forwarding through the commercials.
10620,36,2,14,"Robin: Yeah, they're the best part."
10621,36,2,14,"Ted: Oh, come on. Remember last year? Who wants to watch a monkey in a coconut bra order a pizza?"
10622,36,2,14,"Robin: Oh, my God. This monkey was so cute."
10623,36,2,14,Barney comes into the apartment. He's on the phone.
10624,36,2,14,"Barney: Seriously, that's the last time I'm gonna call you today. Okay. Good-bye. You didn't hang up either! I know! You hang up! You hang up! My bookie. Great guy."
10625,36,2,14,Ted: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?
10626,36,2,14,"Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted?"
10627,36,2,14,Ted: Virtually.
10628,36,2,14,Barney: Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
10629,36,2,14,"Ted: Sartorial""?"
10630,36,2,14,"Barney: ""Of or pertaining to tailors or their trade."" Suits are for the living. That's why when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it buck naked. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies. What up?!"
10631,36,2,14,"At the funeral, they all see Mark and remember who he was."
10632,36,2,14,Barney: Such a waste.
10633,36,2,14,Lily: I know. He was so young.
10634,36,2,14,"Barney: A hand-stitched, cashmere, double-breasted Dolce & Gabbana. It must be so frightened."
10635,36,2,14,"Robin: This is going faster than I thought. We'll make an appearance at the bar for the wake, we'll be watching the game by 8:00."
10636,36,2,14,They're at the bar for the wake.
10637,36,2,14,"Carl: And even though we didn't see any whales, Mark and I both said it was the best day of our lives. Okay, I'm getting us another round. And when I come back, everyone else is telling their favorite Mark story."
10638,36,2,14,Marshall: Dibs on the one Carl just told.
10639,36,2,14,"Robin: Okay, I have to be at work exactly one Super Bowl from now."
10640,36,2,14,"Lily: Oh, let's face it, we're not going to get to watch it. We should just find out the score."
10641,36,2,14,"Barney: Oh, thank God! I'll find out."
10642,36,2,14,"Ted: No, no, no, we can't! We have to watch the game together. It's tradition. Think of all the great times we've had watching this game."
10643,36,2,14,"Flashback. In 2003, they're all watching the Super Bowl."
10644,36,2,14,"Ted: Second down, everyone drink."
10645,36,2,14,"Barney: Ted, it's not a drinking game if you drink anytime anything happens."
10646,36,2,14,"Marshall: Are these chicken wings or angel wings? God, I love these things."
10647,36,2,14,"Ted: I love you guys. This is so great, all of us watching the Super Bowl together. This is special. We need to do this every year, promise me!"
10648,36,2,14,"Marshall: Calm down, buddy."
10649,36,2,14,"Lily: Oh, commercials!"
10650,36,2,14,Ted: Everyone drink!
10651,36,2,14,In 2004.
10652,36,2,14,"Ted: God, this is such a great tradition, all of us watching the game together. How did this start?"
10653,36,2,14,"Marshall: Hey, Barney, I bet you 20 bucks that Casey misses this field goal."
10654,36,2,14,Barney: I don't bet. Betting's for suckers.
10655,36,2,14,"Marshall: Make it like a dollar or something, you know. Who cares? No big deal."
10656,36,2,14,Barney: Fine.
10657,36,2,14,"Marshall: See, there you go, he made it. You win."
10658,36,2,14,"Barney: Wait. This is mine, just like that? God, that feels good. No, that feels really... good. What else can we bet on?"
10659,36,2,14,"Marshall: Nothing, it's the halftime show."
10660,36,2,14,"Lily: Oh, so lame. Nobody even pays attention. I mean, Janet Jackson, who cares?"
10661,36,2,14,In 2006.
10662,36,2,14,"Ted: God, how cool is Robin?"
10663,36,2,14,Marshall: I can't believe you invited this girl we've only known for a few months to our sacred day. Now she's gonna be in all the pictures.
10664,36,2,14,"Barney: Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll give you the Seahawks plus six points for 500 bucks."
10665,36,2,14,Marshall: Are you crazy? Maybe for $50.
10666,36,2,14,"Barney: $50?! What fun is $50?! Why don't we just bet air?! God, Marshall! Okay, $50."
10667,36,2,14,"Robin: Hey, I'll take that action. Seahawks, but make it four points and make it a grand. Hey, these wings, are they chicken wings or angel wings? Oh, commercials! Monkey with a coconut bra. Hilarious."
10668,36,2,14,End of flashback. Back to the bar.
10669,36,2,14,"Ted: Look, we always watch the Super Bowl together. So we make a pact to watch it tomorrow at 6:00 and go the next 18 hours without finding out who won."
10670,36,2,14,Barney: That's impossible.
10671,36,2,14,"Ted: I'm not gonna lie to you. It's not gonna be easy. That means no TV, no Internet, no newspapers, nothing. Media blackout. But our tradition lives on. Who's in?"
10672,36,2,14,Lily: I'm in.
10673,36,2,14,Robin: I'm in.
10674,36,2,14,Marshall: I'm in.
10675,36,2,14,"Barney: What the hell, I'm in. High five!"
10676,36,2,14,"Ted: Dude, we're at a wake."
10677,36,2,14,Barney: Sorry. Solemn low five.
10678,36,2,14,Ted opens the door of his apartment to take the newspaper.
10679,36,2,14,"Ted (voix off): As the day began, none of us had any idea how hard it would be to go nine hours without hearing the outcome of the Super Bowl. I decided to work from home to avoid contamination by the outside world."
10680,36,2,14,Barney comes in
10681,36,2,14,"Barney: Hey, take this key and swallow it."
10682,36,2,14,Ted: What? No.
10683,36,2,14,"Barney: Come on, Ted, you eat salads. It'll be out by game time."
10684,36,2,14,"Ted: Lots more, no."
10685,36,2,14,"Barney: I'm not messing around, Theodore. I've got a lot of money riding on this game. If I don't handcuff myself to this radiator, I'll check the score. Please take the key."
10686,36,2,14,Ted: Fine. But only because you didn't think through a bathroom plan and I think that's funny.
10687,36,2,14,Robin at work.
10688,36,2,14,"Ted (voix off): The media blackout was particularly hard on Robin because, well, she was the media."
10689,36,2,14,"Robin: But unfortunately, the City won't be fixing the unusually large pothole any time soon, so buckle up if you're on the BQE. It's gonna be a bumpy one."
10690,36,2,14,Kevin: Like morning commutes needed to get any harder.
10691,36,2,14,"Man: You're right, Kevin."
10692,36,2,14,"Kevin: Well, Robin, what do you say? I think it's time to check in with Sid for a sports update."
10693,36,2,14,Robin: No!
10694,36,2,14,Kevin: What?
10695,36,2,14,Robin: No.
10696,36,2,14,"Kevin: But it's, uh, time for Sports."
10697,36,2,14,"Robin: No, it's not. It's time for Weather."
10698,36,2,14,"Kevin: We, we just did Weather."
10699,36,2,14,"Robin: Well, weather's pretty fickle, it may have changed. What's it doing out there, Lou?"
10700,36,2,14,"Lou: Pretty much the same thing it was two minutes ago. Back to you, Robin."
10701,36,2,14,"Kevin: Okay, now it's time for Sports."
10702,36,2,14,Robin: No! Let's go to Traffic Todd in the Metro News 1 Gridlock Chopper.
10703,36,2,14,"Kevin: Robin, it's time for Sports! Over to you, Sid."
10704,36,2,14,"Sid: Thank you, Kevin and Robin. Let's talk about the Super Bowl."
10705,36,2,14,Marshall is in Lily's classroom.
10706,36,2,14,"Ted (voix off): Weeks earlier, Marshall had promised Lily he'd come into her kindergarten class for show-and-tell day."
10707,36,2,14,Lily: And he's a little bit double-jointed... And his favorite animal is the Loch Ness monster.
10708,36,2,14,"Marshall: Lily, how many times...? Nessie is a gentle creature. We're trying to stay away from terms like ""Monster."""
10709,36,2,14,"Lily: Well, I think we can all agree, he is much more interesting than Sally's one-eyed goldfish. Three weeks in a row? Come on, Sally. Okay, well, that's all the time we have. Arts and crafts, everybody."
10710,36,2,14,Doug: Hey. I'm Doug.
10711,36,2,14,"Marshall: Oh, hey, I'm Marshall."
10712,36,2,14,Doug: Are you going to be staying here for the rest of day?
10713,36,2,14,"Marshall: Yeah, I'm actually trying to hide out 'cause I don't want to know who won the Super Bowl."
10714,36,2,14,Doug:  I know who won.
10715,36,2,14,"Marshall: Oh, um, that's great, but I really don't want to know, so if you could just keep that to yourself."
10716,36,2,14,Doug: How badly do you not want to know?
10717,36,2,14,Marshall: Excuse me?
10718,36,2,14,Doug: Ten bucks.
10719,36,2,14,Marshall: Are you serious?
10720,36,2,14,Doug: Just went up to eight.
10721,36,2,14,
10722,36,2,14,Ted's place. Barney's still tied up to the radiator.
10723,36,2,14,"Barney: Unlock me, Ted. I've never gone this long without calling my bookie. He worries."
10724,36,2,14,Ted: Not until game time.
10725,36,2,14,Barney: Where are you going?
10726,36,2,14,Ted: Pick up the hot wings.
10727,36,2,14,Barney: What? How the hell are you planning on getting in and out of a sports bar without seeing the score? There's TVs everywhere.
10728,36,2,14,"Ted: Ah, don't worry. I got it all planned out. First of all: I placed duct tape on a pair of sunglasses so I can only see out of two tiny holes. Next, I constructed blinders out of an old cereal box. Top it all off: high-tech noise-reducing headphones I bought when Marshall and Lily first got back together and were doing it a lot. I call it the Sensory Deprivator 5000."
10729,36,2,14,Ted walks into a sports bar.
10730,36,2,14,"Ted: Hello! Uh, my name is Ted Mosby. I'm here to pick up my hot wings. In my hand, you'll find the exact total for the wings plus a generous tip. Please take the cash. Put the wings in my hand and I'll be on my way. Thank you!"
10731,36,2,14,Back to Metro News One.
10732,36,2,14,"Sid: And that closes the book on one heck of a Super Bowl. Back to you, Kevin and Robin."
10733,36,2,14,Robin has blocked her ears.
10734,36,2,14,Kevin: We'll be right back.
10735,36,2,14,Man: And we're clear.
10736,36,2,14,Robin: I'm sorry.
10737,36,2,14,"Woman: Um, Robin, is it just me, or were you doing something different there?"
10738,36,2,14,"Robin: I haven't watched the game yet. I'm begging you, for the rest of the newscast there can't be any references to who won the Super Bowl. I mean, change the teleprompter. No team names, nothing specific."
10739,36,2,14,Woman: That is crazy. I can't do that.
10740,36,2,14,Robin: My friend Mark passed away this week.
10741,36,2,14,"Woman: Okay, sweety okay. Okay, I'm so sorry."
10742,36,2,14,Man: Back in five... four... three...
10743,36,2,14,Robin: It's just so hard.
10744,36,2,14,"At the apartment, Barney's trying to free himself from the radiator. He finally does it and runs to the bathroom. 8 minutes and 23 seconds later Ted comes back with the chicken wings."
10745,36,2,14,Ted: Ha! Who's the idiot now?! You said the Sensory Deprivator 5000 was stupid. But it totally worked! (barney leaves and Ted doesn't notice.) I couldn't see or hear anything happening around me. Right?! Right?! (He takes his glasses off) No...!
10746,36,2,14,"Ted (voix off): And if that weren't bad enough, I was about to have a horrible realization."
10747,36,2,14,Ted: Where's the dipping sauce?
10748,36,2,14,Marshall is still in lily's classroom. Lily's reading a book.
10749,36,2,14,"Doug: The team that won, want to know what their name rhymes with?"
10750,36,2,14,"Marshall: Come on, dude. You promised you'd stop if I ate all those crayons. Why are you doing this?"
10751,36,2,14,Doug: I'm in love with Miss Aldrin.
10752,36,2,14,"Marshall: Well, you can't have Miss Aldrin, she's mine."
10753,36,2,14,Doug drops an object and breaks it.
10754,36,2,14,"Lily: Okay, now who did this?"
10755,36,2,14,Marshall: I did.
10756,36,2,14,Doug: Does that mean Marshall gets a time-out?
10757,36,2,14,"Lily: Well, Marshall's a grownup, so..."
10758,36,2,14,"Doug: When one of us breaks something, we get a time-out."
10759,36,2,14,Lily: Sorry. Marshall gets a time-out.
10760,36,2,14,At Robin's work.
10761,36,2,14,"Robin: And after the Super Bowl, the mayor of the losing team's city had to pay up, sending the mayor of the winning team's city 15 pounds of a delicacy his of her city is famous for. Better fire up whatever type of grill, steamer or fryer one might use to cook that delicacy, Winning Team's Mayor."
10762,36,2,14,Back to lily's classroom.
10763,36,2,14,Doug: Hey. Hey.
10764,36,2,14,Marshall: I'm not talking to you.
10765,36,2,14,"Doug: Yes, you are. You'll do whatever I say. Hold your breath."
10766,36,2,14,Marshall: I'm not holding my breath.
10767,36,2,14,Doug: The winning team was the... (Marshall holds his breath) Now here's how this is going to work: you're going to take me to three R-rated movies a week...
10768,36,2,14,"Ted (voix off): And then Uncle Marshall got an idea. It was not one he was proud of in retrospect, but desperate times..."
10769,36,2,14,Marshall takes a glass of water and throwns it on Doug's pants.
10770,36,2,14,"Marshall: Oh, no. Somebody wet their pants."
10771,36,2,14,"Doug: No, I didn't."
10772,36,2,14,"Marshall: Oh, really? Who's everyone gonna believe? I'm a grownup third-year law student at Columbia and you're just a little pants wetter. So now I ask you a question: You want to be able to quietly sneak off to the restroom and dry off or am I gonna have something for show and tell today? Hey, everyone..."
10773,36,2,14,"Doug: Okay, okay. You win."
10774,36,2,14,Marshall: I want my money back. And your pudding snack pack.
10775,36,2,14,Barney's running on the street.
10776,36,2,14,"Barney: Sir, who won the Super Bowl?"
10777,36,2,14,Man: Sorry. I missed the game.
10778,36,2,14,Barney: You missed...?! How could he miss...? Excuse me! Who won the Super Bowl?!
10779,36,2,14,Man 2: I... don't really follow sports.
10780,36,2,14,"Barney: Oh, my...! Emmitt Smith! Oh, thank God."
10781,36,2,14,"Emmitt Smith: Yeah, I get that a lot."
10782,36,2,14,"Barney: You got to tell me, who won the Super Bowl?"
10783,36,2,14,"Emmitt Smith: The game was last night? You know, once you win two or three of those things, it's kind of like, eh."
10784,36,2,14,"Barney: But you're Emmitt Smith. You're a football player, it's Super Bowl Sunday. What could possibly be more important than football?!"
10785,36,2,14,"Emmitt Smith: Dance, my friend. Dance."
10786,36,2,14,Barney: No...!
10787,36,2,14,Barney's on the knees. Ted walks passed him but doesn't see him with his glasses.
10788,36,2,14,Ted: Hello! It's me again.
10789,36,2,14,Barman: Oh! I didn't recognize you.
10790,36,2,14,"Ted: Yeah, you forgot to give me the dipping sauce! Ah. Yes. This is the one."
10791,36,2,14,"Ted (voix off): It was 4:00, and so far, all of us had done the impossible. But then, almost simultaneously, things started to go wrong."
10792,36,2,14,Robin's finishing the news.
10793,36,2,14,Robin: And let's end the day on a happy note. There is a new arrival at the Bronx Zoo. Trish Sanchez has the story.
10794,36,2,14,Lily's closing the classroom and Marshall's drinking at a fountain when the cleaner walks there with his radio.
10795,36,2,14,Barney is still in the street looking for the results and he finds kiosk.
10796,36,2,14,Ted's leaving the sports bar.
10797,36,2,14,"Man 1: Hey, buddy."
10798,36,2,14,"Man 2: Hey, dude, look out."
10799,36,2,14,At the Bronx Zoo.
10800,36,2,14,Trish Sanchez: And in honor of yesterday's big win...
10801,36,2,14,At the sports bar.
10802,36,2,14,"Man 1: Hey, buddy, look out."
10803,36,2,14,"Man 2: Dude, watch out!"
10804,36,2,14,At the Zoo.
10805,36,2,14,Trish Sanchez: ...the zoo decided to name the baby panda after Super Bowl champions...
10806,36,2,14,Robin: No...!
10807,36,2,14,Marshall (at school): No...!
10808,36,2,14,Barney (tearing the newspaper): No...!
10809,36,2,14,Ted falls without dropping the sauce.
10810,36,2,14,Ted: Yes...!
10811,36,2,14,"Monday, 18h15, Robin, Marshall and Lily comes into the apartment."
10812,36,2,14,"Ted: Awesome. Just in time for kick-off. None of you guys found out the score, right?"
10813,36,2,14,Robin: Mission accomplished.
10814,36,2,14,Lily: Didn't find out.
10815,36,2,14,"Ted: Great. Let's do it. I already fast-forwarded through the four hours of pre-game coverage. So we are ready. (Barney comes in) Barney, I can't even look at you. I don't want any sign of who won."
10816,36,2,14,"Ted: Don't worry, I'm not going to give anything away. Feel free to start without me. Ah...! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! So much money! You screwed it up, Barney! You screwed everything up! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Okay, let's watch the game."
10817,36,2,14,"Ted: Barney, what the hell was that? We know who you bet on. Now you've ruined the game for everyone."
10818,36,2,14,"Lily: Yeah. Thanks a lot, Barney."
10819,36,2,14,Robin: Way to blow it.
10820,36,2,14,"Marshall: Yeah, I didn't know and now I do know."
10821,36,2,14,Ted: There's no point in even watching the game.
10822,36,2,14,"Lily: Well, at least the commercials aren't ruined."
10823,36,2,14,Marshall: Wings are still good.
10824,36,2,14,Robin: Beer still works.
10825,36,2,14,"Ted: Ah, what the hell. Let's watch Barney lose some money."
10826,36,2,14,"Marshall: Hey, so check this out: I got extorted by a five-year-old today."
10827,36,2,14,Robin: I almost got fired today.
10828,36,2,14,Barney: I met Emmitt Smith today.
10829,36,2,14,"Lily: Ooh, you go first."
10830,36,2,14,Ted: I tried out the Sensory Deprivator 5000.
10831,36,2,14,"Lily: Yeah, go ahead, Barney."
10832,36,2,14,"Barney: Well, I was frantically running down the street trying to find out the score to the game..."
10833,36,2,14,"Ted (voix off): And here's the funny part, as unforgettable as that Super Bowl was, here it is 23 years later and I don't remember who won... Hell, I don't even remember who played. What I do remember is that we drank beer, we ate wings and we watched the Super Bowl together. Because sometimes, even if you know how something's going to end, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride. We even raised a toast to good old Mike. I mean Mark. Matt. Crap! Why do I keep doing that?"
10834,36,2,14,Ted and Barney are at Mclaren's.
10835,36,2,14,"Barney: I didn't only lose the game, I lost every single prop bet. Total penalty yardage, number of replay-challenges, coin toss... What are the odds of losing the coin toss?"
10836,36,2,14,"Ted: 50-50, give or take."
10837,36,2,14,"Barney: Interceptions, field-goals, total sacks, whether or not there'd be a safety, first..."
10838,37,2,15,"Ted (voix off): Kids, never underestimate the power of destiny. Because when you least expect it, the littlest thing can cause a ripple effect that changes your life. Take for instance my trip to Chicago."
10839,37,2,15,2007. Robin and Ted are running in a airport.
10840,37,2,15,Robin: That security guard was a little bit handsy.
10841,37,2,15,"Ted: That's funny. She barely touched me. Uh, Gate 23. Come on. If we miss this flight, I will never forgive myself."
10842,37,2,15,Ted (voix off): Why was this flight so important? Let's back up a few months to the fall of 2006. I had just sold my first building design and become the youngest project manager in my firm's history. Suddenly I was being headhunted. One firm was even considering me to run their entire New York office. They were flying me in for a final interview at their corporate headquarters in Chicago. It was the opportunity of a lifetime. It was my destiny. There was just one problem.
10843,37,2,15,Robin and Ted arrive at the gate.
10844,37,2,15,"Ted: Hi, wait, two more."
10845,37,2,15,"Woman: Sorry, you're too late, I already shut the doors."
10846,37,2,15,"Ted: Well, I'm sure if we pull real hard we can open them."
10847,37,2,15,"Woman: Hmm, I wish it worked like that, but see, once I close those doors, that's it. Nobody else is allowed down that jet-way. Except for that guy."
10848,37,2,15,"Ted: Please, if-if I miss this flight, I'll miss the chance to interview for my dream job."
10849,37,2,15,"Woman: I'm sorry, sir."
10850,37,2,15,"Robin: His dream job! Didn't you ever have a dream job? Something from when you were a little girl, that was all you wanted to do? I mean, for God's sakes, I'm sure you didn't go to bed at night dreaming about being a... I mean, uh... This is a cool job."
10851,37,2,15,"Ted: Please, I have to be on this flight."
10852,37,2,15,Woman: I'll see what I can do. But it doesn't look good.
10853,37,2,15,Ted: Thanks.
10854,37,2,15,Robin: Your uniforms are pretty.
10855,37,2,15,CREDITS
10856,37,2,15,"Woman: Okay. They haven't armed the doors yet, so you still have a chance. It's up to the captain now and they're calling us back."
10857,37,2,15,"Ted: Great, please let us know as soon as you hear anything."
10858,37,2,15,"Woman: Sure, and for the future, we recommend you arrive at the airport an hour and a half before your flight, not, you know, one minute after."
10859,37,2,15,"Ted: Normally, I'm incredibly responsible. I just had to go to court this morning and get sentenced. Not that I'm a criminal or anything."
10860,37,2,15,"Rubin: Yeah, he just jumped a subway turnstile."
10861,37,2,15,"Woman: You seem to have a lot of problems with the rules of travel. (The phone rings) Hello? Oh, that is great news. It's my mom-- she found her missing earring. Have a seat. I'll call you when I hear something. Where was it?"
10862,37,2,15,Ted: That thing better have call waiting.
10863,37,2,15,Robin: Could you just call the firm and explain what happened?
10864,37,2,15,Ted: It's down to three people and I know they need to make their decision today. I sort of feel my not showing up might put me at a disadvantage. I'm so stupid. Why did I have to jump that turnstile?
10865,37,2,15,"Robin: Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. And isn't this whole thing really Barney's fault?"
10866,37,2,15,Ted (voix off): She had a point. It was kind of Barney's fault. Let's back up a few months.
10867,37,2,15,"Flashback. A few months earlier Marshall, Lily, Robin and Ted are at Mclaren's."
10868,37,2,15,"Robin: Oh, Marshall, how's the broken toe?"
10869,37,2,15,"Marshall: Oh, man, it kills."
10870,37,2,15,"Lily: You want some aspirin, baby?"
10871,37,2,15,Marshall: You know I don't believe in pain killers.
10872,37,2,15,"Ted: Wow, your first broken bone. Kind of kills your whole ""Unbreakable"" theory."
10873,37,2,15,Lily: Marshall used to think he was indestructible.
10874,37,2,15,"Marshall: Well, it added up. I've never broken anything. I've never been sick, and when I need to, I can summon incredible strength. Ted, tell her the story of the really heavy door."
10875,37,2,15,Ted: There was a really heavy door. He opened it.
10876,37,2,15,Marshall: On one pull.
10877,37,2,15,"Robin: Well, you must be really bummed, you're not gonna be able to run tomorrow."
10878,37,2,15,"Marshall: Yeah. It sucks, all that work I put in training for the marathon was a total waste."
10879,37,2,15,Barney: Training for a marathon.
10880,37,2,15,Marshall: What?
10881,37,2,15,Barney: You don't need to train for a marathon. You just run it.
10882,37,2,15,"Marshall: You're kidding, right?"
10883,37,2,15,Barney: Not at all. I could run a marathon anytime I wanted to.
10884,37,2,15,"Marshall: So like tomorrow, you think you could wake up, roll out of bed, and just run the New York City Marathon?"
10885,37,2,15,Barney: Absolutely.
10886,37,2,15,"Robin: Barney, we're talking about 42 kilometers."
10887,37,2,15,"Ted: Thanks, Canada. I'll take it from here. Barney, it's like 26 miles."
10888,37,2,15,"Barney: Here's how you run a marathon. Step one, you start running. There is no step two."
10889,37,2,15,Marshall:
10890,37,2,15,"Okay, you know what? Prove it. Take my number and run in my place. I will bet you 50 bucks you don't even finish the race."
10891,37,2,15,"Barney: 50 bucks? Gee, Grandpa, if I win, maybe I can buy myself an ice-cream cone. Make it $10,000."
10892,37,2,15,Marshall: You have a gambling problem. You'll bet me 50.
10893,37,2,15,"Barney: Fine, then no bet. Okay, $50."
10894,37,2,15,"Ted (voix off): The next morning, as the marathon began, we were focused on Marshall's computer."
10895,37,2,15,"Marshall: Each runner gets a tracking chip so you can follow them online, see when they pass certain checkpoints. Barney's got mine in his shoe."
10896,37,2,15,"Robin: Ooh, he's starting!"
10897,37,2,15,Marshall: This ought to be good. Wow. (48 minutes later) He's already passing the second checkpoint.
10898,37,2,15,"Lily: This tracking thing is amazing. When we get married, you're getting one of these."
10899,37,2,15,53 minutes later...
10900,37,2,15,Robin: Wow. Look at his time. It's pretty impressive.
10901,37,2,15,"Marshall: He's gotta be cheating, okay. He knew we'd check."
10902,37,2,15,"Ted: Yeah, he'll do anything to win a bet. Remember that time he bet me that Men at Work sang ""Hungry Like the Wolf,"" and when he found out that they didn't, he tried to hire them to?"
10903,37,2,15,"Marshall: Well, it looks like, ""Barney"" should be coming over the Queensboro Bridge and up First Avenue within the next hour or so. But... there is no way that that's really him."
10904,37,2,15,"Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin are on the course to see if Barney's running."
10905,37,2,15,Marshall: It's really him.
10906,37,2,15,A runner takes lily's water.
10907,37,2,15,"Lily: Hey! That's mine. Yeah, you'd better run!"
10908,37,2,15,Back to the apartment...
10909,37,2,15,"Barney: What up, non-finishers?"
10910,37,2,15,"Ted: Wow. Very impressive, Barney."
10911,37,2,15,"Barney: Right? Yeah, my time would have been like a half an hour better, but I met this total hottie on Mile Seven. We took a quick detour and had our own mini marathon behind a Nathan's. I won."
10912,37,2,15,Lily: I'm not sure anyone in that story is a winner.
10913,37,2,15,Barney: So where's my 50 bucks?
10914,37,2,15,"Marshall: All right. I got to admit, you earned this."
10915,37,2,15,"Barney: Huh? Can't believe they haven't made a coin for this yet. Anyway, I'm heading home. Might go hit the gym."
10916,37,2,15,"Marshall: Oh, hey, just so you know, uh, all marathon runners get to use the subway for free today."
10917,37,2,15,"Barney: Wow. You know I really should check out this ""subway."" Heard so much about it. Wow. Look at me. Slumming it. Maybe I'll make a weekend out of it and I'll call my bridge and tunnel girl tonight."
10918,37,2,15,Ted: You're dating a girl from New Jersey?
10919,37,2,15,Barney: No.
10920,37,2,15,Barney leaves the apartment...
10921,37,2,15,Ted (voix off): So Barney did it. He actually finished the marathon. But a little while later... I got an interesting phone call.
10922,37,2,15,Ted: Hello?
10923,37,2,15,"Barney: Ted, it's Barney. Listen to me, I need you to come and pick me up on the subway."
10924,37,2,15,"Ted: What, what are you talking about?"
10925,37,2,15,"Barney: I was sitting here, totally minding my own business."
10926,37,2,15,"Flashback. 2 hours earlier, Barney is sitting on the subway next to two girls."
10927,37,2,15,"Barney: Finisher. Yeah, you know what I mean."
10928,37,2,15,Voice: 86th street.
10929,37,2,15,Barney stands up but fell. The Subway continues.
10930,37,2,15,End of flashback.
10931,37,2,15,"Barney: My legs don't work. I've already ridden the subway twice end to end. I've seen where it turns around. Ted, you don't ever want to see where the subway turns around."
10932,37,2,15,Ted: (to Marshall) Barney's legs won't work. He's riding the subway from end to end because he physically can't get off the train.
10933,37,2,15,Marshall: Best 50 bucks I ever spent.
10934,37,2,15,"Barney: Listen to me, Ted. I'm going to lose you any second. I'm on the fourth car of the six train heading south from Pelham Bay Park in the Bronx. Meet me at the 86th Street station in, like, half an hour?"
10935,37,2,15,Ted: All right. I'll be right there. Stay where you are.
10936,37,2,15,"Barney: Ted, Ted."
10937,37,2,15,"A pregnant woman, on ald lady and a boy in crutches wait for Barney to give up his place."
10938,37,2,15,"Woman: Oh, come on. You're not even going to give up your seat for him?"
10939,37,2,15,Barney: I'm sorry. I can't.
10940,37,2,15,Old lady: Douche.
10941,37,2,15,"25 minutes later, Ted arrives at the station."
10942,37,2,15,Ted: Barney?!
10943,37,2,15,Barney: Ted!
10944,37,2,15,Ted jumpes a subway turnstile A policeman catches him.
10945,37,2,15,Policeman: Hey!
10946,37,2,15,Barney: No...!
10947,37,2,15,End of flashbacks. Back to the airport with Robin and Ted.
10948,37,2,15,"Robin: See? If Barney never tried to run the marathon, you never would have jumped that turnstile, you wouldn't have had that court date today, and we would have made this flight."
10949,37,2,15,Ted: You're right. Everything can be traced back to him. Like that rash we all got at Christmas. I have to see what's going on.
10950,37,2,15,Woman: So I was able to get you two seats.
10951,37,2,15,Ted: Really? That's great!
10952,37,2,15,"Woman: No, no, not you. I'm talking to my mom about Blue Man Group. Ma, can I call you back?"
10953,37,2,15,"Ted: Okay, what about our flight? Can we get on?"
10954,37,2,15,Woman: I'm still waiting for... Huh. Looks like your flight left already.
10955,37,2,15,"Ted: What? No, n-n-n-no, n-no. I have to be in Chicago today."
10956,37,2,15,"Robin: Well, he never even called you back?"
10957,37,2,15,"Woman: Well, it's typical pilot.They don't call you back at work and they don't call you back after you spend two nights with them at a Radisson in Orlando."
10958,37,2,15,"Ted (voix off): It turned out there was one other flight that would just barely get me to Chicago on time for my job interview, but it was all the way on the other side of the airport."
10959,37,2,15,Robin: What was the name of the airline again?
10960,37,2,15,Ted: I think it was something like Flights R' Us.
10961,37,2,15,"Robin: Was the ""R"" backwards?"
10962,37,2,15,"Ted: God, I hope not."
10963,37,2,15,Robin: Geez.
10964,37,2,15,Ted: Stupid smart carts. More like dumb carts.
10965,37,2,15,"Robin: If we miss this flight, it's all Barney's fault."
10966,37,2,15,"Ted: You know, Barney never would have run the marathon in the first place if Marshall hadn't broken his toe."
10967,37,2,15,"Robin: Yeah, so? What, you think this is my fault?"
10968,37,2,15,"Ted (voix off): For Marshall, the initial idea to run the marathon came way back in April."
10969,37,2,15,
10970,37,2,15,April 2006. Marshall and Lily are in the bathroom.
10971,37,2,15,Marshall: My pants are starting to feel a little tight.
10972,37,2,15,"Lily: Oh, that's okay. I love that cute little belly."
10973,37,2,15,Marshall: I cannot allow this.
10974,37,2,15,Lily: What?
10975,37,2,15,Marshall: I am going to run the New York City Marathon.
10976,37,2,15,Marshall starts training for the marathon.
10977,37,2,15,"Lily: ""It is important to load up on carbohydrates two to four hours before a big run. Try a breakfast of a bagel, a banana, oatmeal, strawberries and some orange juice."" Here you go, Marshmallow. Just like the book said."
10978,37,2,15,"Marshall: Yeah, but from now on, I'm eating all of my breakfast runner-style. Liquids are digested faster. That way, no energy is wasted, and it's all about the run."
10979,37,2,15,"Lily: ""Don't forget to give yourself plenty of positive reinforcement."""
10980,37,2,15,Marshall: This is gonna be your best run yet. You're going to accomplish all of your goals. You are a robot sent from the future to win the marathon! You are... Marshall. You are... Marshall. You are Marshall! Yeah!
10981,37,2,15,"Lily: ""Chafing or blisters can occur in a number of areas, including the feet, armpits, or even the nipples. Try using some petroleum jelly on the affected areas."""
10982,37,2,15,Marshall comes into the apartment scratching himself and goes to the bathroom.
10983,37,2,15,"Marshall: Oh, gosh! Dude, you are a terrific runner. Tomorrow you're gonna run and finish the New York City Marathon! You're the best. You look good. Nobody does it better than you."
10984,37,2,15,Robin comes in the bathroom behind Marshall.
10985,37,2,15,"Robin: Marshall? Oh, my God!"
10986,37,2,15,End of flashback. Back to the airport...
10987,37,2,15,"Ted: So, yes, it was your fault. I mean, if you don't show up at the apartment in the middle of the day, Marshall doesn't break his toe, Barney doesn't run in his place, I don't jump the turnstile and get a court date, and we make our flight in plenty of time! (Ted fells) And I don't fall down and bite my tongue at the airport."
10988,37,2,15,Robin: That really wasn't my fault. I wouldn't have walked in on
10989,37,2,15,"Marshall if it weren't for Lily. Hey, think about it."
10990,37,2,15,Flasback. Ted and Robin eat while walking on the street.
10991,37,2,15,"Robin: Hey, what's going on here?"
10992,37,2,15,"Ted: Oh, looks like they're camping out for something."
10993,37,2,15,"Robin: Yeah, but for what?"
10994,37,2,15,"Ted: I don't know. Usually there's a Stormtrooper or Klingon in line to give you some indication. ""Annual wedding dress blowout. Designer sample dresses up to 90% off. Doors open tomorrow, 8:00 a.m."""
10995,37,2,15,"Robin: Oh, my God. Can you believe what some nut bags will do to save a few bucks?"
10996,37,2,15,"Barney, Ted, Lily and Robin are at Mclaren's."
10997,37,2,15,Lily: We have to camp out.
10998,37,2,15,Robin: Are you serious?
10999,37,2,15,"Lily: You don't understand. This is an amazing sale. I've heard about it before, but I never knew where it was. We'll have a wedding dress campout. It'll be fun."
11000,37,2,15,Barney:  I can't go. I've got this thing.
11001,37,2,15,Lily: What thing?
11002,37,2,15,Barney: A pen1s.
11003,37,2,15,Lily and Robin arrive at the wedding dress shop.
11004,37,2,15,Robin: This is the place.
11005,37,2,15,"Lily: Oh, wow. Badgley Mischka! Melissa Sweet! Vera Wang! Oh, Robin, do you have any idea what you guys stumbled onto here?"
11006,37,2,15,Robin: You said wang.
11007,37,2,15,"Lily: Oh, this reminds me of the ticket line to Lilith Fair, 1998. Only fewer mullets."
11008,37,2,15,"Robin: You should feel good. You're only, like, the tenth craziest bride in New York."
11009,37,2,15,"Lily: Ooh, this is comfy. We might actually be able to sleep."
11010,37,2,15,On alarm starts beeping.
11011,37,2,15,Robin: That's kind of annoying.
11012,37,2,15,"Lily: Well, I'm sure somebody will be out here to turn it off any minute. (5 hours later) I don't think I can take this. Every time it turns off, I think, oh, maybe it won't turn on again, but then it does. Why does it, Robin? Why does it keep turning on?"
11013,37,2,15,"Robin: It's gonna be okay, sweetie. Why... Why don't we make a game out of it, okay? Why don't we sing along?"
11014,37,2,15,"3 hours later, the alarm didnt' turned off."
11015,37,2,15,"Lily: If we get through this, I swear I'm gonna live my life differently."
11016,37,2,15,Robin: I just want to tell my parents I love them one more time.
11017,37,2,15,A man comes and shut down the alarm.
11018,37,2,15,"Man: Morning, ladies."
11019,37,2,15,Lily: It's him. It's the car guy!
11020,37,2,15,Robin: Get out of here!
11021,37,2,15,All women throw things at him.
11022,37,2,15,"Ted (voix off): The next morning, Robin was too tired to go all the way back to Brooklyn, so while I was at work, she went to crash at my apartment for a couple hours, and that's when..."
11023,37,2,15,Marshall: Nobody does it better than you.
11024,37,2,15,"Robin: Marshall?! Oh, my God! (Marshall falls)"
11025,37,2,15,End of flashback. At the airport.
11026,37,2,15,"Robin: So if Lily hadn't dragged me down to the wedding dress store, we would have made the first flight."
11027,37,2,15,"Ted: Oh, thank God. The doors are still open. We made it. Hi. Please. We really need to get on this flight."
11028,37,2,15,"Man: Oh, my God! You're that reporter from Metro News 1."
11029,37,2,15,"Robin: Yes, yes, I am. I can't believe you recognized me."
11030,37,2,15,Man: You did that story on the giant pizzas?
11031,37,2,15,Ted: Would you check to see if you have any more seats?
11032,37,2,15,"Man: One moment, sir. Were those pizzas real? Come on, were they?"
11033,37,2,15,Ted: Robin...
11034,37,2,15,"Robin:  One second, Ted. Um, you know, a lot of people ask me that. The truth is,"
11035,37,2,15,the pizzas were real. - Calzones. Trick photography.
11036,37,2,15,Man:  I knew it!
11037,37,2,15,"Robin: God, it is so nice to meet a fan! And I would be a fan of your work if you could get us two seats on that next flight."
11038,37,2,15,"Man: Well, the, uh, flight attendants are just finishing up their final seat count. Let me see what I can find out."
11039,37,2,15,Ted: Would it help if I got on and gave an impassioned speech about my destiny?
11040,37,2,15,Man: I think it might hurt. This is such a nightmare.
11041,37,2,15,"Robin: Okay, so we agree? This goes back to Lily wanting to camp out for a wedding dress?"
11042,37,2,15,Ted: No. Wait. It goes back further. Remember why we were eating hot dogs on the East Side?
11043,37,2,15,Flashback. Ted is in the subway.
11044,37,2,15,Ted: 1939?! This penny's from 1939! (at the bar with Robin) A 67-year-old penny. Do you realize this penny was minted during World War II?
11045,37,2,15,"Robin: Oh, so was my grandfather, but that doesn't make him interesting."
11046,37,2,15,"Ted: Look, I know a little something about coins, and this baby is worth something to a collector."
11047,37,2,15,"Robin: No, it's not."
11048,37,2,15,"Ted: Yes, it is! You know what? I'm gonna take you out to dinner with the money I get for this little guy."
11049,37,2,15,Ted( voix off): And that's exactly what I did.
11050,37,2,15,They're on the street.
11051,37,2,15,Robin: You're lucky there's still a place that serves anything for a dollar fifty.
11052,37,2,15,"Ted: Hey, that's 150 times its original value. Actually, the meal was only $1.49. 1984."
11053,37,2,15,"Robin: Hey, in 50 years, we can get dinner again."
11054,37,2,15,Ted: How dare you.
11055,37,2,15,"Robin: Hey, what's going on?"
11056,37,2,15,Ted: I don't know. Looks like they're camping out for something.
11057,37,2,15,"Robin: Yeah, but for what?"
11058,37,2,15,End of flashback. Back to the airport.
11059,37,2,15,"Ted: It was me. I started this. If I hadn't picked up that penny, we wouldn't have gone to get hot dogs all the way across town."
11060,37,2,15,"Robin: And we wouldn't have seen that wedding dress store, Lily wouldn't have wanted to camp out there, and I wouldn't have needed a nap at your apartment the next day."
11061,37,2,15,"Ted: Marshall wouldn't have broken his toe. Barney wouldn't have run the marathon. I wouldn't have jumped that turnstile, gotten arrested, had that court date..."
11062,37,2,15,Robin: And we would have made our flight. I don't think we can go back any further than that unless you know who dropped the penny.
11063,37,2,15,"Ted: I wish I did. Though that person's already been punished enough, losing a sweet penny like that."
11064,37,2,15,"Man: Uh, sir?"
11065,37,2,15,"Ted: Oh, please tell me you have some good news."
11066,37,2,15,"Man: Uh, I'm afraid not. There are no extra seats on the plane. I'm sorry."
11067,37,2,15,"Robin: All, right, well, thanks for trying."
11068,37,2,15,"Ted: I can't believe this. That's it, it's over."
11069,37,2,15,"Robin: Ted, come on. Your destiny just wasn't to make it to Chicago today. Anyway, if that firm really wants you, they'll reschedule."
11070,37,2,15,"Ted (voix off): But that's not what happened. They didn't reschedule. They hired someone else. And as it turned out, three months later, that guy ended up having to relocate to Chicago. Kids, funny thing about destiny, I thought I was destined to get that job. But I was wrong. My destiny was to stay in New York. Because if I hadn't, I never would have met your mother."
11071,38,2,16,"Ted (voix off): Kids, the key to a good relationship is communication. You need to talk."
11072,38,2,16,Ted and Robin are et the bar.
11073,38,2,16,Robin: How about Mimi's?
11074,38,2,16,"Ted: Nah, I don't really feel like Mimi's."
11075,38,2,16,"Robin: Well, I'm hungry. Let's just pick a place and go."
11076,38,2,16,"Ted: Oh, you know where we should go? Cynthia's. You love that place, remember what a great time we had the last time we were there?"
11077,38,2,16,Robin: We did?
11078,38,2,16,"Ted: Yeah, yeah. We had that crazy waiter who kept going, ""You two should get married! You two should get married!"""
11079,38,2,16,Ted (voix off): It's also important to know when to stop talking.
11080,38,2,16,Ted: Come on. Then we stepped outside. It was raining. It was so romantic? How can you not remember this?
11081,38,2,16,Robin: Because it wasn't me.
11082,38,2,16,"Ted: Oh, right! It was... my sister."
11083,38,2,16,"Ted (voix off): You see, by the time you've hit your late 20s, you've dated a few people, but when you're in a relationship, it's common courtesy to pretend that you haven't."
11084,38,2,16,Ted and Robin are at the apartment.
11085,38,2,16,"Ted: Oh, my God, Van Helsing is on. Remember when we went to see it? We sat in the back row."
11086,38,2,16,Robin: I've never seen Van Helsing.
11087,38,2,16,Ted:  That's right. I saw it with my sister.
11088,38,2,16,Robin: My boss just got back from Maui. He said it was really romantic.
11089,38,2,16,"Ted: Oh, it's so romantic."
11090,38,2,16,Robin: When were you in Maui?
11091,38,2,16,Ted: I... went... with my sister.
11092,38,2,16,"Robin: With my sister. Why do you always say that? Look, we're not 16. We've both dated other people. It's silly to try to act like we didn't."
11093,38,2,16,Ted: You're right. We should just be honest.
11094,38,2,16,Robin: Totally.
11095,38,2,16,They're back at the bar.
11096,38,2,16,"Ted: See that girl over there? Three years ago, I totally made out with her."
11097,38,2,16,Robin: I don't want to hear that.
11098,38,2,16,Ted: What? You said...
11099,38,2,16,"Robin: God, that is so insensitive."
11100,38,2,16,Ted: Remember honesty...?
11101,38,2,16,Robin: You're a jerk!
11102,38,2,16,"Ted: Well, you're...confusing."
11103,38,2,16,CREDITS
11104,38,2,16,Marshall is at the bar with Barney.
11105,38,2,16,"Marshall: Okay, so you have to have s*x with one. Either classic mermaid; bottom half fish, top half human, or inverted mermaid, top half fish, bottom half human. Go!"
11106,38,2,16,Barney: I don't know. Is she fat?
11107,38,2,16,"Marshall: Yeah, but it's a fish, so it's the good kind of fat."
11108,38,2,16,Lily: Hot off the presses!
11109,38,2,16,Barney: I-I don't take flyers.
11110,38,2,16,Marshall: You took one two seconds before you walked in here.
11111,38,2,16,Barney: That's different. It was for a strip club. Two bucks off wings. How much is your flyer going to save me on wings?
11112,38,2,16,Lily: Fine. It's a flyer from my play.
11113,38,2,16,"Barney: Oh, Lily, I'd love to, but we're not in college and I'm not trying to sleep with you. So anyway, this mermaid..."
11114,38,2,16,"Marshall: Hey, Lily's friend asked her to be in this play, and it's gonna be really good."
11115,38,2,16,"Barney: Lily, I love you, but we're too old for this. Asking someone to come see your play is like asking someone for a ride to the airport or to crash on your couch or to help you move. Call a cab, book a room, hire some movers and repeat after me: Friends don't let friends come see their crappy play."
11116,38,2,16,"Ted: Okay, first of all, I've thought about it and top half fish. Second of all, we need you guys to decide something for us."
11117,38,2,16,"Barney: Yes, you should break up."
11118,38,2,16,"Ted: So, earlier tonight..."
11119,38,2,16,Flashback. Ted and Robin are on the couch.
11120,38,2,16,"Robin: Mm, we should get down to the bar."
11121,38,2,16,"Ted: I know we should, but you just look so sexy in my red sweatshirt."
11122,38,2,16,End flashback.
11123,38,2,16,"Barney: Oh, God, why is this part of the story?"
11124,38,2,16,Ted: We're getting to it.
11125,38,2,16,Flashback.
11126,38,2,16,"Robin: Damn, my face is so dry. Is there any moisturizer around here?"
11127,38,2,16,"Ted: Yeah, there's some in the bathroom. Got to moisturize! Got to keep that pretty face moist."
11128,38,2,16,End flashback.
11129,38,2,16,"Lily: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
11130,38,2,16,Barney: What's wrong with her?
11131,38,2,16,Marshall: She hates that word.
11132,38,2,16,"Barney: What word, ""moist""?"
11133,38,2,16,"Lily: No! Seriously, stop!"
11134,38,2,16,"Robin: So, anyway, Ted goes into the bathroom to get the moist... face lotion..."
11135,38,2,16,Flashback.
11136,38,2,16,"Robin: Wow, this is great stuff. Now I know the secret to your great complexion."
11137,38,2,16,Ted: What are you talking about? It's yours.
11138,38,2,16,"Robin: No, it's not."
11139,38,2,16,"Ted: Oh, well... then I guess it's Lily's."
11140,38,2,16,End flashback.
11141,38,2,16,"Lily: No, it's not."
11142,38,2,16,Flashback.
11143,38,2,16,"Robin: Whose moisturizer is this, Ted?"
11144,38,2,16,"Ted: Um, my sister's."
11145,38,2,16,"Robin: So, in other words, some girl you went out with."
11146,38,2,16,Ted: Um... I love you.
11147,38,2,16,Robin: Disgusting. You let me put on the same moisturizer as one of your exes?
11148,38,2,16,End flashback.
11149,38,2,16,Lily: It was probably Carla's. Her face was a train wreck.
11150,38,2,16,Marshall: I'm don't think Ted was dating her for her face.
11151,38,2,16,"Ted: Thank you, Marshall. Thank you so much."
11152,38,2,16,Flashback.
11153,38,2,16,Robin: Why is that still in your apartment?
11154,38,2,16,Ted: I don't know. I just never threw it out.
11155,38,2,16,"Robin: Well, why not? Do you still have feelings for this girl?"
11156,38,2,16,"Ted: Yeah. I'm madly in love with her, and the only way I can deal with it is by holding onto a three-dollar tube of lotion."
11157,38,2,16,Robin: Not three dollars! Try 14.
11158,38,2,16,Ted: Why is this such a big deal?
11159,38,2,16,Robin: Because I don't want to use some whore's moisturizer!
11160,38,2,16,"Ted: Whoa, she wasn't a whore."
11161,38,2,16,"Robin: Well, she's leaving expensive lotions all over town. It sounds like a whore to me. What else do you have from old girlfriends just lying around?"
11162,38,2,16,"Ted: Nothing. That's it. Well, except for the phone booth. And the lamp by the desk... and the..."
11163,38,2,16,"Robin: No. No! No! Oh, Ted!"
11164,38,2,16,End flashback.
11165,38,2,16,"Lily: Ah, the age-old question: after you break up with someone, what do you do with the stuff?"
11166,38,2,16,"Robin: Question? Ain't no question, girl. Obviously, he's got to get rid of it."
11167,38,2,16,"Ted: Which is obviously crazy and obviously, I'm not gonna do it."
11168,38,2,16,Robin: So we agreed that we would let you guys decide.
11169,38,2,16,"Ted: Yeah, like we did with Marshall's pants."
11170,38,2,16,"Barney: Ah, the 2005 landmark case of Lily v. The Joey Buttafuoco Pants."
11171,38,2,16,Flashback. Marshall comes in with pants.
11172,38,2,16,"Marshall: Nice, right?"
11173,38,2,16,Robin: I'm gonna have to say no. I don't want some 16-year-old
11174,38,2,16,girl falling in love with you and then shooting Lily in the face.
11175,38,2,16,Lily: Yes!
11176,38,2,16,"Barney: I vote they can stay. ""Check out the jackass in the parachute pants"" is a good icebreaker."
11177,38,2,16,Marshall: Ted. Ted? Ted?
11178,38,2,16,"Ted: Sorry, buddy, it's a ""no"" for me, too. Oh, and by the way, Bel Biv Devoe called. Even they don't want those pants back."
11179,38,2,16,End flashback.
11180,38,2,16,Marshall: They were insanely comfortable! They were like pajamas you could wear outside.
11181,38,2,16,"Barney: Marshall, it's over. We even gave you an appeal and they didn't look any better with combat boots."
11182,38,2,16,"Lily: All right, well, let's hear the arguments. Ted, you go first."
11183,38,2,16,"Ted: Okay. The fact that I still have things from ex-girlfriends is no big deal. I mean, when I see the phone booth on the piano, I don't think of Jeannie Radford, I think of the good times I had backpacking through Europe. And when I see the lamp, I don't think of Allison Moses. I remember when I was broke, just out of college, and I really needed a lamp. And when I see that throw pillow, I don't think of Lauren Stein. I think of that weird orange-brown stain and how it got there."
11184,38,2,16,"Marshall: Creamsicle and turkey gravy, not at the same time."
11185,38,2,16,"Robin: Well, that's adorable, but from now on, when I walk into the apartment, here is what I will see."
11186,38,2,16,The phone booth turns into Ted's ex-girlfriend.
11187,38,2,16,Ex-girlfriend 1: I'm Ted's college girlfriend. He made me 12 mix tapes. How many has he made you?
11188,38,2,16,The lamp turns into Ted's ex-girlfriend.
11189,38,2,16,"Ex-girlfriend 2: He calls you ""sweetie pie""? He called me ""sweetie pie."""
11190,38,2,16,The pillow turns into Ted's ex-girlfriend.
11191,38,2,16,"Ex-girlfriend 3: I'm stupid, but my rack is bigger than yours."
11192,38,2,16,Ted: Really? You can't look at a pillow without seeing my ex-girlfriend-- a pillow!
11193,38,2,16,"Robin: Yes, Ted, the fact that you still have that pillow is creepy and gross."
11194,38,2,16,Ted: You're creepy and gross.
11195,38,2,16,Robin: Your mom's creepy and gross.
11196,38,2,16,"Lily: Order! Order! I got to side with Robin. She's your girlfriend, and if the stuff upsets her, you got to get rid of it."
11197,38,2,16,Marshall: I've got to side with Ted. Just 'cause you still have something an ex girlfriend gave you doesn't mean you're holding onto her.
11198,38,2,16,"Ted: All right, Barney. It all comes down to you."
11199,38,2,16,Barney: I side with Robin.
11200,38,2,16,Ted: What?
11201,38,2,16,"Barney: Ted, your place is too cluttered. It's like you're living in a Bennigan's."
11202,38,2,16,"Robin: Or a Danby's. What, they don't have Danby's in the US? Really? Well, then were do you get Grizzly Paw ice cream sandwiches?"
11203,38,2,16,"Ted: Just stop, sweetie."
11204,38,2,16,Ted is getting rid off his ex-girlfriends stuff.
11205,38,2,16,"Ted (voix off): So I had no choice. I packed up everything I had gotten from ex-girlfriends. It was painful, but not as painful as what I had to endure later that night. New York is famous for its theater, but there's many different levels. There's Broadway, off-Broadway, off-off-Broadway, homeless people screaming in the park, and then below that, the play Aunt Lily was in."
11206,38,2,16,"Ted, Robin and Barney arrive in the room where Lily's going to play."
11207,38,2,16,"Robin: Eight flights, of stairs. Who puts a theater up eight flights of stairs? What kind of building is this?"
11208,38,2,16,"Barney: From the smell of it, I'm guessing a urine factory."
11209,38,2,16,Ted: Where do you guys want to sit?
11210,38,2,16,Barney: I know where I don't want to sit.
11211,38,2,16,"Marshall (in the front row): Guys, four together!"
11212,38,2,16,Barney: I brought a bag in case anyone needs to puke.
11213,38,2,16,Robin: Come on. It's not gonna be that bad.
11214,38,2,16,Barney: No? Okay.
11215,38,2,16,
11216,38,2,16,The lights turn off and the play starts.
11217,38,2,16,Man 1: I... am... Rage!
11218,38,2,16,Woman: I... am Greed.
11219,38,2,16,Lily: I am Rage... Envy!
11220,38,2,16,Barney: I am outta here.
11221,38,2,16,"Marshall: No, you're not. You have to stay."
11222,38,2,16,Lily: This is the face of Consumerism!
11223,38,2,16,"Marshall: Oh, my God. Ted's part of the play."
11224,38,2,16,"Man 2: Hello, Greed, Rage...Envy... and Consumerism. I... am your father... America!"
11225,38,2,16,3 hours later the play is over.
11226,38,2,16,"Marshall: Oh, baby, that was wonderful!"
11227,38,2,16,"Ted: Totally, I had no idea Greed was the killer."
11228,38,2,16,"Robin: And when it became a play within a play, I was, like, ""Now we are really cookin'!"""
11229,38,2,16,"Barney: Wow, Lily, that sucked!"
11230,38,2,16,Marshall: Barney!
11231,38,2,16,"Barney: What? It was terrible. I mean, come on. You guys agree, right? Hey, sorry, I'm just being honest 'cause, you know, we're friends."
11232,38,2,16,"Lily: No, friends make each other feel good. They build each other up and support them. That's what being a good friend is about."
11233,38,2,16,"Barney: Yeah, if you're a Smurf."
11234,38,2,16,"Lily: You know if you did a play, I would sit through the whole thing and I would compliment you on it afterwards."
11235,38,2,16,"Barney: Oh, really? You would?"
11236,38,2,16,Lily: Yes.
11237,38,2,16,"Barney: Bad move, Aldrin, bad move."
11238,38,2,16,Man: We'll be starting our Q&A with the director-- yours truly-- in five minutes right here. Barney runs out
11239,38,2,16,Robin and Ted arrive at Ted's apartment.
11240,38,2,16,Robin: Can you believe Barney said that about Lily's play?
11241,38,2,16,Ted: I know. He can be really insensitive.
11242,38,2,16,"Robin: It was pretty bad, though."
11243,38,2,16,"Ted: Oh, my God, it was so bad."
11244,38,2,16,"Robin: Oh, my God, you've been robbed!"
11245,38,2,16,Ted: Nope.
11246,38,2,16,Robin: All that stuff was from old girlfriends? Don't you buy anything for yourself?
11247,38,2,16,Ted: What can I say? Papa gets swag.
11248,38,2,16,Ted (voix off): And that should've been the end of it. But the next day...
11249,38,2,16,Ted is walking the dogs with Robin.
11250,38,2,16,"Ted: You know, at first I was really bummed about getting rid of all my stuff. But seeing how happy it makes you - totally worth it."
11251,38,2,16,"Robin: Mm, that's kind of how I feel when I begrudgingly have s*x with you when I'm really tired."
11252,38,2,16,"Ted: Exactly. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team. Well, sit. Sit, yeah. So you never keep anything your ex-boyfriends gave you?"
11253,38,2,16,"Robin: Nope. Well, except for my dogs."
11254,38,2,16,At Robin's apartment.
11255,38,2,16,"Ted: So I had to get rid of everything from my past relationships because you don't keep things from your past relationships except, uh, where are your five dogs from? Oh, that's right: your past relationships."
11256,38,2,16,"Robin: What's your point, Ted?"
11257,38,2,16,"Ted: Well, you know how you said you come over to my apartment, and all you can see are my ex-girlfriends?"
11258,38,2,16,"Robin: What, so when you look at my dogs, all you see is my ex-boyfriends?"
11259,38,2,16,Ted: I do now.
11260,38,2,16,Robin: That's ridiculous.
11261,38,2,16,"Ted: I thought you said you got rid of everything your ex-boyfriends gave you. Well, yeah, but not my dogs."
11262,38,2,16,Ted: You said everything.
11263,38,2,16,Robin: But not living things.
11264,38,2,16,"Ted: Well, tell that to the rare Bolivian cactus I threw away."
11265,38,2,16,Robin: Things with a heartbeat can stay.
11266,38,2,16,Ted: Enjoying this?
11267,38,2,16,"Robin: Pickles, go get your ball. Go get your ball."
11268,38,2,16,Ted: Just admit it. It was a little hypocritical of you to make me get rid of all my stuff.
11269,38,2,16,"Robin: Well, what do you want me to do, Ted? Get rid of my dogs?"
11270,38,2,16,The dog turns into a man.
11271,38,2,16,Man: Guess what position we did it in.
11272,38,2,16,"Ted: Yes. Yes, I want you to get rid of your dogs."
11273,38,2,16,"Robin: Um, no."
11274,38,2,16,"Ted: Really? Well, I say we take it to the group, but I don't like your chances."
11275,38,2,16,They're all at the bar.
11276,38,2,16,Marshall: She's not getting rid of the dogs.
11277,38,2,16,Lily: What's the matter with you?
11278,38,2,16,Barney: Even I wouldn't do that.
11279,38,2,16,Robin: Yes!
11280,38,2,16,"Lily: You can ask somebody to get rid of their iguana after it poops in your hair, but not their dog."
11281,38,2,16,Marshall: I miss Jebediah.
11282,38,2,16,"Barney: Oh, I almost forgot. Flyers for my new play."
11283,38,2,16,Lily: Very funny.
11284,38,2,16,"Barney: Oh, it's not a joke. It's my one-man show premiering tomorrow night. And even though it's terrible and excruciatingly long, I expect you all to be there since we're such good friends."
11285,38,2,16,"Lily: Oh, we'll be there."
11286,38,2,16,"Barney: Unless, of course, you just want to admit that you were wrong..."
11287,38,2,16,Lily: Never.
11288,38,2,16,"Barney: Good. Okay, I gotta go rehearse. Oh, I almost forgot. Bring a poncho; the first three rows get wet."
11289,38,2,16,Robin and Ted are in Robin's apartment.
11290,38,2,16,Robin: I'm sorry I didn't tell you where the dogs came from.
11291,38,2,16,Ted: I'm sorry I asked you to get rid of them. That was ridiculous.
11292,38,2,16,Robin: So we're-we're okay?
11293,38,2,16,"Ted: Yeah, we're great."
11294,38,2,16,"Ted (voix off): And I thought we were, but just as it did in the seventh act of Aunt Lily's play, Jealousy reared its ugly head."
11295,38,2,16,Robin has one of her dog in her knees but Ted sees a man instead.
11296,38,2,16,"Man: Oh, yeah, that's the spot."
11297,38,2,16,Robin and Ted are kissing on the bed when a man (dog) interrupts them.
11298,38,2,16,"Man: Dude, I gotta pee."
11299,38,2,16,Ted: I gotta go.
11300,38,2,16,The gang is at Barney's play.
11301,38,2,16,"Lily: Oh, he's really having trouble dealing with this, huh?"
11302,38,2,16,"Robin: Yeah, he really is. It's got me thinking, maybe I should get rid of my dogs. Might be time to send them to the farm."
11303,38,2,16,Lily: You're gonna kill your dogs?!
11304,38,2,16,"Robin: No! No, no, no, there really is a farm. My aunt has a farm upstate."
11305,38,2,16,"Lily: Oh, thank God. Aw, you know, if I were five dogs, I'd rather live on a farm than in an apartment in Brooklyn."
11306,38,2,16,"Robin: Yeah. I could visit them on weekends. My aunt is awfully lonely up there. It's just her and her lover, Betty."
11307,38,2,16,"Lily: Oh, that's perfect. They love dogs."
11308,38,2,16,"Robin: ""They""? What do you mean by ""they""?"
11309,38,2,16,"Lily: Uh... uh.... uh... People upstate. Oh, look, it's starting. Shh!"
11310,38,2,16,"Marshall: Are you sure you're gonna be okay? I mean, you know that this is gonna be..."
11311,38,2,16,"Lily: I know, but I'm gonna sit through the whole thing, and I'm gonna say something nice about it afterwards. You know why? Because that's what friends do."
11312,38,2,16,Barney's play starts.
11313,38,2,16,Barney: Moist. Moist. Moist. Moist.
11314,38,2,16,Ted (voix off): That was the first 40 minutes of Barney's show.
11315,38,2,16,Barney: Moist.
11316,38,2,16,Ted (voix off): And then we endured about 20 minutes of this.
11317,38,2,16,Barney shoots at Lily with a water gun.
11318,38,2,16,Barney: I have to go refill. I'll be back in a moment. Play's not over.
11319,38,2,16,Marshall: I never get picked for audience participation.
11320,38,2,16,Ted (voix off): And then it just got weird.
11321,38,2,16,"Barney: Feelings. Inside. Oh, no!"
11322,38,2,16,Ted (voix off): And when that didn't work...
11323,38,2,16,"Lily: Okay! Stop! You win. Fine. Barney, I'm sorry I made you come to my show."
11324,38,2,16,"Barney: Thank you, Lily. Is there anything you'd like to say about my show?"
11325,38,2,16,"Lily: No. No, I have nothing nice to say about your show. You were right, Barney. Let's go to the bar."
11326,38,2,16,"Barney: Yes! I win! I love winning! Oh, Lily. Oh, Lily, Lily, Lily. I was just getting"
11327,38,2,16,"warmed up, man!"
11328,38,2,16,"Lily: Well, I imagine it was pretty awful, so let's go."
11329,38,2,16,Barney: Pretty awful? Pretty awful?! It was a masterpiece of awful. It's genius how bad it is. I kind of wish you guys could see it.
11330,38,2,16,"Lily: Yeah, well, anyway."
11331,38,2,16,"Barney: Act two is where I really hit my stride. Spoiler alert: the robot falls in love. Lily: How about this, Barney? How about we stay and-and watch the rest of your show?"
11332,38,2,16,"Barney: It's your funeral. Five, six, one, two."
11333,38,2,16,"Ted (voix off): So we stayed and let Barney torture us for another hour and a half, 'cause that's what friends do, apparently."
11334,38,2,16,Ted is about te enter in his apartment.
11335,38,2,16,Robin: Hey.
11336,38,2,16,Ted: Where've you been? I called you earlier.
11337,38,2,16,Robin: I gave my dogs away to my aunt.
11338,38,2,16,Ted: You what?
11339,38,2,16,"Robin: Yeah. Just for a few months as a test run, but... I think it's for the best."
11340,38,2,16,"Ted: Wow. Oh, man."
11341,38,2,16,Robin: Can we go inside?
11342,38,2,16,"Ted: Uh, no. Uh, let's go to the bar."
11343,38,2,16,Robin: Why? What's going on inside?
11344,38,2,16,"Ted: Um, the floors are gone."
11345,38,2,16,Robin: What?
11346,38,2,16,"Ted: Yeah. I-I sent them out to get, um, fixed. This is a terrible lie. I'm just going to bail."
11347,38,2,16,Robin walks into the apartment and Ted brought back all his ex-girlfriends stuff.
11348,38,2,16,Ted: I didn't know you were getting rid of the dogs!
11349,38,2,16,Robin: You said you threw all that stuff away!
11350,38,2,16,"Ted (voix off): Kids, this was the worst fight Robin and I ever had. It was one of those fights that last for hours and you start to get woozy and lose track of what you're fighting about. We fought for so long, seasons changed outside the window. Pages of the calendar blew off. It was crazy. But, ultimately, and I couldn't tell you how for the life of me, but somehow we got to here."
11351,38,2,16,Robin: We're really doing this?
11352,38,2,16,Ted: Yeah.
11353,38,2,16,At the bar...
11354,38,2,16,Ted and Robin: We're moving in together!
11355,38,2,16,During Barney's play...
11356,38,2,16,"Barney: The robot found love Confusing my circuitry My software's been hacked Toaster oven You're the one for me Two, three, four."
11357,38,2,16,Marshall stand up and slaps Barney.
11358,39,2,17,Ted and Marshall are in a car.
11359,39,2,17,Ted: This is awesome.
11360,39,2,17,"Marshall: I can't believe this moment's finally here. One more mile and my little boy turns 200,000."
11361,39,2,17,"Ted: Your baby Fiero's grown into a really old man Fiero. And just like an old man, he leaks fluid, smells stale, makes weird noises out the back."
11362,39,2,17,"Marshall: Yeah, he does. Hey, light up those cigars in the glove compartment. They're real Cubans. I got 'em in Chinatown last year just for this moment."
11363,39,2,17,"Ted: Uh, Marshall, I'm not saying you were definitely ripped off, but these are chopsticks wrapped in napkins."
11364,39,2,17,Marshal: What are you talking about?
11365,39,2,17,"Ted: Whoa, pothole. The car stops."
11366,39,2,17,"Marshall: What? No. Oh. No. No, no, no. No, there's only.8 miles to go. Come on, buddy. Buddy!"
11367,39,2,17,Ted: Is it cool if I still light these?
11368,39,2,17,CREDITS
11369,39,2,17,"Ted (voix off): Kids, sometimes life forces us to be someone we didn't want to be. When that happens, we often try to hold on to a little piece of who we were. Maybe a tattoo. Or a piece of jewelry. A tiny souvenir that reminds us, ""This is who I really am."" Marshall's souvenir was not so tiny, but the more he found himself being pushed toward the corporate world and away from his dream of saving the environment, the tighter he held on to that Fiero."
11370,39,2,17,Ted and Marshall are in a garage.
11371,39,2,17,Ted: Hey. One good thing: we're off the hook for the folding party today.
11372,39,2,17,Marshall: Hey. It's very important to both Lily and me that there be a handmade origami crane in each of our wedding's... I couldn't even get through it. Thank God.
11373,39,2,17,"Ted: Hey, your car's going to be fine. This is the best auto shop around. Look at this certificate. One of the mechanics here finished a 64-ounce steak."
11374,39,2,17,"Lily, Robin and Barney arrive at the garage."
11375,39,2,17,Lily: Surprise.
11376,39,2,17,"Robin: We felt bad that you guys were missing the super-fun origami folding party, so... we suggested moving it here."
11377,39,2,17,Barney: We insisted.
11378,39,2,17,Ted: Terrific.
11379,39,2,17,Barney: How's the Fiero?
11380,39,2,17,Marshall: She's still in triage.
11381,39,2,17,Ted: She? I thought it was your little boy.
11382,39,2,17,"Lily: Oh, it goes back and forth. It's sort of a tranny car."
11383,39,2,17,Robin: How long have you had her... slash him?
11384,39,2,17,Marshall: My brothers handed it down to me when I was 16.
11385,39,2,17,"Robin: Oh, how nice of them."
11386,39,2,17,Marshall: Not really.
11387,39,2,17,Flashback. Marshall is in the front of his house with his brothers.
11388,39,2,17,Brother 1: Congratulations.
11389,39,2,17,Brother 2: The Fiero is yours. If you pass the final test.
11390,39,2,17,Marshall: Come on! I already shaved my legs and swallowed five dollars in quarters. Only $4.50 has come out.
11391,39,2,17,Brother 1: Just go to the Weinerburger drive-thru and get us 12 cups of coffee.
11392,39,2,17,Marshall: That's it?
11393,39,2,17,"Brother 2: Oh, yeah. But we get to decide what you wear."
11394,39,2,17,Marshall: Agreed. Totally agreed.
11395,39,2,17,Marshall is in a drive-in naked in his car.
11396,39,2,17,Man: You're naked.
11397,39,2,17,Marshall: I'm aware of that.
11398,39,2,17,Man: You have 50 cents?
11399,39,2,17,"Marshall: No... Look, can I just have my coffee, please?"
11400,39,2,17,"Man: Sorry, we're all out of trays and lids. Two tall guys just came through here a few minutes ago and bought 'em all."
11401,39,2,17,"Marshall puts the cups of coffee in the car, then his brothers jump at him to scare him, so Marshall stops the car and because of it all the cups of coffee fall on him and it burns him."
11402,39,2,17,End of flashback.
11403,39,2,17,"Ted: And that is the origin of Marshall's insane ""no food or drinks in the Fiero, not even groceries"" rule."
11404,39,2,17,Marshall: It is not insane.
11405,39,2,17,Lily: Barney. That's like the third one in a row that you've screwed up.
11406,39,2,17,"Barney: Well, I'm trying, but it's..."
11407,39,2,17,"Lily: Look. You fold twice to the middle, fold back and forth, pull the ends out, flip over, open the flaps, fold the edges, crease the front, fold in half, fold the wings down, push in the bottom corners, and fold the wings back out. Or would you like one of my kindergartners to show you?"
11408,39,2,17,"Barney: Wait, wait, wait. Wait, I think I've got it."
11409,39,2,17,Lily: No. Forget it; the paper's too expensive. You're out.
11410,39,2,17,"Barney: Aw, nerts."
11411,39,2,17,Ted: The food rule is insane. We could have died because of it. Remember the 100K fiasco?
11412,39,2,17,"Marshall: Ah, the Fiero-asco."
11413,39,2,17,"Ted: Dude, I told you that doesn't work. It's the 100K fiasco."
11414,39,2,17,Robin: What's the 100K fiasco?
11415,39,2,17,Marshall: The Fiero-asco?
11416,39,2,17,"Ted: It was just before winter break our freshman year of college. Marshall and I were roommates, but we weren't really good friends yet."
11417,39,2,17,Marshall: I thought Ted was a little bit pretentious.
11418,39,2,17,Ted: And Marshall was a total slob.
11419,39,2,17,Flashback. College. Marshall comes in the room while Ted's on the bed reading.
11420,39,2,17,"Marshall: Hey (Marshall throws a sandwich in the trash but misses it) I'm driving my Fiero back over break. I know we see enough of each other as it is, but if you want a ride, I could use the gas money. You live in Ohio, right? I could swing through and pick you up."
11421,39,2,17,"Ted: All right, first of all, my parents live in Ohio. I live in the moment. Plus, Karen and I haven't seen each other since Thanksgiving. We're both really invested in making this long-distance thing work, so..."
11422,39,2,17,"Marshall: All right, well, call me if you change your mind. My odometer's going to hit 100K."
11423,39,2,17,Ted: She'd be so bummed if I left early.
11424,39,2,17,In Marshall's car...
11425,39,2,17,"Ted: It was totally mutual. I mean, Karen brought it up first, but I... it was... it was totally mutual."
11426,39,2,17,Marshall: I hear you.
11427,39,2,17,Ted: So what's up with you and Lily? Anything serious
11428,39,2,17,"Marshall: Yeah. Dude, we're college freshmen. I'm not going to get tied down by the first chick I hook up with. Lily's cool, but this bird you'll never chain, you know?"
11429,39,2,17,Ted(voix off): The next few hours of our drive were classic road trip.
11430,39,2,17,Ted: So... this song.
11431,39,2,17,"Marshall: Oh, it's the best song in the world. It's the only song I like. Just kidding. Tape's been stuck in the player for, like, two years. Better than nothing, though."
11432,39,2,17,Ted: Maybe. I am so... sick... of this song.
11433,39,2,17,Marshall: Don't worry. It comes around again.
11434,39,2,17,Ted: What do you mean?
11435,39,2,17,"Ted and Marshall singing: Just to be the man who walks 1,000 miles And falls down at your door..."
11436,39,2,17,"Marshall: Yeah, we totally nailed the ending."
11437,39,2,17,"Ted: That was probably our best one. Hey, you want to play Zitch Dog?"
11438,39,2,17,Marshall: What?
11439,39,2,17,"Ted: Uh, it's a car game. Every time you see a dog, you got to be the first one to say, ""Zitch dog."" I'm pretty good, so..."
11440,39,2,17,Marshall: Zitch dog.
11441,39,2,17,"Ted: Well, no, I didn't know we had...we'd started, but... Okay, that's cool. You got the first point."
11442,39,2,17,Marshall: Zitch dog.
11443,39,2,17,Ted: Zitch dog. Damn it!
11444,39,2,17,Ted: Are we still playing? 'Cause I wasn't... I wasn't really...
11445,39,2,17,Marshall: 12-nothing.
11446,39,2,17,Marshall's sleeping and Ted driving.
11447,39,2,17,Ted: Marshall. Marshall.
11448,39,2,17,"Marshall: Zitch dog, blue Suburban."
11449,39,2,17,Ted: Damn it!
11450,39,2,17,Marshall: 18-nothing.
11451,39,2,17,"Ted (voix off): Then Marshall, who was so busy cheating at Zitch Dog, got us totally lost."
11452,39,2,17,Marshall: Where the hell are we?!
11453,39,2,17,End of flashback. In the garage.
11454,39,2,17,"Marshall: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. I think you skipped something."
11455,39,2,17,Barney: Really? Seems impossible.
11456,39,2,17,Flashback. Ted's driving the car...
11457,39,2,17,"Ted: Hey, we got some time. What do you say we get off the highway, take the road less traveled, you know? Robert Frost."
11458,39,2,17,Marshall: Doesn't seem like a smart idea.
11459,39,2,17,"Ted: Too late. I'm taking this exit. Who's not fun enough now, Karen?"
11460,39,2,17,Marshall: Then we got lost. Where the hell are we?! I'm pulling over.
11461,39,2,17,"Ted: No, keep driving."
11462,39,2,17,"Marshall: We're almost out of gas, and we might not even be on a road anymore."
11463,39,2,17,"Ted: It's below zero out. If we pull over, we could be snowed in for days. Plus, I only have, like, six granola bars and three bottles of water."
11464,39,2,17,"Marshall: Nah, I threw them out."
11465,39,2,17,Ted: What?!
11466,39,2,17,Marshall: No food or drink in the Fiero.
11467,39,2,17,Ted: No food or drink in the F...? You haven't washed your sheets since... (Voix off): Thus began the longest night of our lives.
11468,39,2,17,Marshall: Pretty sure that my foot is frozen solid.
11469,39,2,17,"Ted: Marshall... there's a very real chance that we're gonna be snowed in here for days. If I die first, do whatever you need to survive. Eat my flesh. Slice me open like a tauntaun, whatever."
11470,39,2,17,"Marshall: Thanks, Ted. You're a good friend. And if I die first, you just leave my body alone."
11471,39,2,17,Ted: What? I just said you could cut me open and crawl inside me.
11472,39,2,17,"Marshall: Yeah, don't do any of that stuff to me; it skeeves me out."
11473,39,2,17,"Ted: But... but you're dead, and I'm gonna die if I don't."
11474,39,2,17,Marshall: Wasn't an easy decision.
11475,39,2,17,Ted: This is all because of your insane no-food rule.
11476,39,2,17,Marshall: It's perfectly rational.
11477,39,2,17,They start fighting.
11478,39,2,17,"Ted: Hey! My spectacles! Hey. I know we're low on gas, but can we turn on the heat for just a minute?"
11479,39,2,17,Marshall: Okay. Dude... I hate to say this... but it's so cold... there's only one way that we're gonna make it through this night.(they're both in the back seat in each other arms) We should've kept driving.
11480,39,2,17,"Ted: Come on, Marshall."
11481,39,2,17,"Marshall: No. No. We might die now. I may never see Lily again. I never told anybody this, but... I've known for a long time that I'm gonna marry that girl. If we survive this, someday I'm gonna marry her. I'm sorry about your spectacles."
11482,39,2,17,"Ted: That's okay. They were decorative. Hey, Marshall."
11483,39,2,17,Marshall: Yeah?
11484,39,2,17,Ted: Are you still thinking about Lily?
11485,39,2,17,Marshall: Yeah.
11486,39,2,17,Ted: Please stop.(voix off) And so Marshall and I thought we were gonna die out there in the middle of nowhere. But funny thing...
11487,39,2,17,
11488,39,2,17,Ted and Marshall are sleeping in the car which is next to a hotel. A man knocks onthe window.
11489,39,2,17,Man: Hey. You lovers better just keep on driving.
11490,39,2,17,Marshall: Zitch dog!
11491,39,2,17,Ted: Damn it!
11492,39,2,17,End of flashback. In the garage...
11493,39,2,17,Lily: You said you were gonna marry me that long ago? That is so sweet.
11494,39,2,17,Ted: That trip is when Marshall and I became best friends.
11495,39,2,17,"Barney: With privileges, from the sound of it."
11496,39,2,17,Mechanic: Eriksen. (Marshall follows the mechanic)
11497,39,2,17,Barney: Wow. Looks like he really needs a hug. Ted.
11498,39,2,17,"Marshall: He said it would be at least 3,000 bucks to make it run again. And even then, there's no guarantee."
11499,39,2,17,"Ted: Well, it's a pretty old car."
11500,39,2,17,"Robin: Yeah. You can keep prolonging its life, but it's really mostly machine at this point."
11501,39,2,17,"Marshall: I know that it's a lot of money, but it's my Fiero, you know? I'm about to graduate and take some sellout corporate law job, and without that Fiero, I'm just another guy in a suit."
11502,39,2,17,Barney: How dare you...
11503,39,2,17,Robibn: Hey.
11504,39,2,17,Marshall: I've been through so much in that car. The suicidal cat.
11505,39,2,17,Marshall are kissing in the car when a cat jumps in the roof.
11506,39,2,17,Marshall: Hitchhiking Waldo. (a guy is sitting between Barney and Marshall in the car)The homeless guy who broke in through the window and threw up all over the backseat.
11507,39,2,17,"Robin: Lily, don't. Be strong. Do not go all ""prisoner's dilemma"" on me."
11508,39,2,17,"Lily: The car's on its deathbed, Robin. I have to clear my conscience."
11509,39,2,17,"Marshall: Guys, what are you talking about?"
11510,39,2,17,"Lily: Okay. Shortly after we met Robin, she and I were jonesing for Thai food from this one place."
11511,39,2,17,Flashback. In Ted's apartment...
11512,39,2,17,Robin: An hour and a half delivery. We can't wait that long.
11513,39,2,17,"Lily: I wish we could take the Fiero, but Marshall has this insane no-food rule."
11514,39,2,17,"Robin: But Thai food, Lily. Pad Yum Mao. Tom Kai Gah. Thai See Ran."
11515,39,2,17,"Lily: Oh! You're just saying random syllables, and it still sounds delicious. Okay. Here's what we'll do. We'll drive over, pick it up, have them double-bag it, very carefully drive it back here with the windows open, and he'll never know. (Lily slows down the car and knock down the food). Wow, these brakes are really sensitive. Oh, Marshall is gonna kill me! This and the difference between ""affect"" and ""effect"" are the only two things he's really serious about."
11516,39,2,17,"Robin: Lily, it's gonna be fine."
11517,39,2,17,"Lily: No, it's not. Marshall's gonna freak. Oh, God, oh, God. What are we gonna do? Oh, God, oh...!"
11518,39,2,17,"Robin: Shut up! Now, listen to me. The clock is ticking. Okay, first thing, we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. Next, what we need to take care of are the really messy parts-- the pools that have collected. We got to soak that soup up. Last is the smell. We got to cover up that Tom Kah Gai. You mentioned cigars."
11519,39,2,17,"Lily: There's two in the glove compartment, but he's been saving them."
11520,39,2,17,"Robin: Hand me those chopsticks. Hey, how about some tunes? Oh, great song."
11521,39,2,17,Lily: These cigars aren't helping at all.
11522,39,2,17,Robin: Yeah. This was a terrible idea.
11523,39,2,17,Lily: Now it just smells like a homeless guy threw up in here. End of flasback.
11524,39,2,17,Marshall: The broken windows?
11525,39,2,17,Lily: We had to make it look realistic.
11526,39,2,17,Marshall: Why did you break two of them?
11527,39,2,17,Robin: It looked like fun when she did it. So I wanted to try.
11528,39,2,17,Marshall: Can't believe this whole time it was you guys. I've been blaming really tanned dancing leotard guy.
11529,39,2,17,"Lily: Marshall, I'm so sorry, but sharing that secret-- that's when Robin and I became best friends."
11530,39,2,17,"Mechanic: Wow. What a special car. So, can I crush it into a little cube yet?"
11531,39,2,17,Marshall: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
11532,39,2,17,"Barney: Come on, Marshall. This is your Fiero. You know the rightthing to do here."
11533,39,2,17,"Robin: Wow, Barney, why do you love that car so much?"
11534,39,2,17,Barney: Love it? Hold on a second. Love it? I hate it!
11535,39,2,17,Lily: What? Why?
11536,39,2,17,Barney: Why? Why? Why?! Why?!
11537,39,2,17,Ted: Let me tell it. It was last year during the transit strike.
11538,39,2,17,Flasback. Barney comes into Ted's apartment.
11539,39,2,17,Ted: Hey.
11540,39,2,17,"Barney: Hey. Uh, is Marshall around? I have a massage in Queens in half an hour. I need a ride."
11541,39,2,17,"Ted: Uh, no, he's at the library all day. Just take the keys."
11542,39,2,17,Barney: Hey! Why don't you drive me? It'll be like a total road trip.
11543,39,2,17,Ted: To Queens?
11544,39,2,17,"Barney: Yeah, we'll get, we'll get beef jerky, Triscuits."
11545,39,2,17,"Ted:Uh, actually I have a lot of work to do, so."
11546,39,2,17,"Barney: Okay. Well, anyway, I'll cancel. See you later."
11547,39,2,17,"Ted: Wait! You know how to drive, right?"
11548,39,2,17,"Barney: What, of course I know how to drive. I love driving. Hitting the road. Cruising the lanes. And braking. Honking. Love it. Except for lady drivers. Don't get me started on lady drivers."
11549,39,2,17,Ted: Which pedal's the gas?
11550,39,2,17,Barney: Trick question.
11551,39,2,17,"Ted: No, it's not"
11552,39,2,17,"Barney: Yes, it is."
11553,39,2,17,"Ted: No, it's not."
11554,39,2,17,"Barney: Middle, left, right? I never learned how to drive! I grew up in the city. I never had a chance."
11555,39,2,17,"Ted: Well, guess what? You're getting your chance. Because I'm going to teach you. Barney Stinson, buckle up."
11556,39,2,17,Barney's driving and Ted's teaching him.
11557,39,2,17,Barney: This isn't right. God never meant for us to travel at such breakneck speeds.
11558,39,2,17,Ted: Relax. You're doing great. Ignore the old lady on the rascal; this isn't a race.
11559,39,2,17,"Barney: Dude, a dog."
11560,39,2,17,"Ted: Zitch dogs, this. Or nothing."
11561,39,2,17,"Barney: What do I do? Tell me what to do, Ted."
11562,39,2,17,Ted: Step on the brakes. Sometime in the next 20 minutes.
11563,39,2,17,Barney: Which? Which one's the break again?
11564,39,2,17,Ted: The left one.
11565,39,2,17,"Barney: Left. Oh, man, left. I'm totally blanking."
11566,39,2,17,Ted: Make the Ls
11567,39,2,17,".Barney: Oh, we're not going to make it."
11568,39,2,17,Ted: Why did you just turn on the radio?
11569,39,2,17,"Barney: I don't know why I turned on the radio! We're going to die. Tell me what to do, Ted."
11570,39,2,17,Ted: Relax. You're being crazy.
11571,39,2,17,"Barney: Help me, Ted! I'm being serious."
11572,39,2,17,"Ted: Stop, drop and roll. Screaming is fun! Screaming is fun!"
11573,39,2,17,Barney: I can't move. I can't... I can't feel my... Wait. Wait. We're okay.
11574,39,2,17,Ted: We're okay.
11575,39,2,17,"Barney: We're okay. It's a miracle, Ted!"
11576,39,2,17,End of flaxhback.
11577,39,2,17,Robin: Wow. Sounds like you had some accident in that car.
11578,39,2,17,"Ted: Actually, he had two accidents if you add the fact that he..."
11579,39,2,17,"Barney: ummina-hummina-hummina-hummina ummina-hummina-hummina hummina. I shouldn't even be here, thanks to that deathtrap. But fate... fate gave me a second chance. And helped me realize that our days on this planet are too few to squander. So I decided from that moment on to continue living life to its fullest."
11580,39,2,17,Lily: So you made a life-changing decision to not change your life at all.
11581,39,2,17,Barney: True story.
11582,39,2,17,Marshall: Guys. This Fiero's meant a lot to all of us. Friendships were made. Adventures had. Horrors faced. That's why we have to get rid of it.
11583,39,2,17,Barney: Yes!
11584,39,2,17,Ted and Robin: What?
11585,39,2,17,"Marshall: It's lived a great life and it deserves to die with dignity.Ted: But 200,000..."
11586,39,2,17,"Marshall: But that's life. You know? You never end up where you thought you wanted to be. I'm not helping the environment. Ted's not a philosopher. Lily's not not a world-famous artist. Barney's never driven more than ten miles an hour. Robin, I'm sure, has also experience disappointment in her life. Maybe? And my Fiero's not a Fiero that went 200,000 miles. It's okay. You know? Those are old dreams. We'll get a new car and we'll fill that one up with new memories. And that'll be the car we had when we were first married. When we owned our first house. Maybe even the first car our four kids remember."
11587,39,2,17,Lily: That's so sweet. The first car our two kids remember.
11588,39,2,17,Marshall: I would like to say good-bye. Marshall is in the car and the other are around it. Marshall taps the dashboard and the cassette goes out.
11589,39,2,17,"Ted: You know what? This Fiero, it's effected all our lives."
11590,39,2,17,Marshall: Affected.
11591,39,2,17,Ted: That's what I said.
11592,39,2,17,"Marshall: Just making sure. Got us all a lot of places. I mean maybe it's time we return the favor. This Fiero should have made it to 200,000. So, let's get it out that door. And we'll push it the last.7 miles. It'd do the same for us. Marshall puts the cassette back in and they all start to push."
11593,39,2,17,"Maechanic: Hey, geniuses. The back wheels are on blocks. That car ain't going anywhere."
11594,39,2,17,Marshall: Close enough!
11595,39,2,17,All: Close enough!
11596,39,2,17,"Ted (voix off): And so Marshall said good-bye to his Fiero. And as the car's final gift to us all, the money he got for scrap parts paid our bar tab for the next two nights."
11597,39,2,17,At the bar...
11598,39,2,17,"Marshall: Arrivederci, Fiero! You were the freaking giving tree of cars.Lily: May you rust in peace."
11599,39,2,17,"Barney: Rot in hell, devil steed."
11600,39,2,17,Ted (voix off): And what better friend is there than that?
11601,39,2,17,Flashback. Marshall and his brother are in the Fiero.
11602,39,2,17,Marshall: Bro. Have you heard this new song? I just got the cassingle.
11603,39,2,17,Brother: Put it in.
11604,40,2,18,"Kids, in the spring of 2007, everything was great between me and Robin."
11605,40,2,18,So we decided to try and make it even better.
11606,40,2,18,We decided to move in together.
11607,40,2,18,"So, I can have the moving truck here by 8:00 am."
11608,40,2,18,Does that sound good to everybody?
11609,40,2,18,"By the way, what are you guys doing with Ted's room?"
11610,40,2,18,"'Cause if you need help with the rent, I'll take it."
11611,40,2,18,Why would you want to live with us?
11612,40,2,18,"I don't call what you guys do ""living."""
11613,40,2,18,"Here's the deal, I need a room closer to the bar."
11614,40,2,18,It takes me exactly 23 minutes to get a girl from the bar back to my apartment.
11615,40,2,18,A lot can go wrong in 23 minutes.
11616,40,2,18,This is going to be so hot.
11617,40,2,18,She's paying.
11618,40,2,18,"I swear, if he doesn't call me back, I'm going to go through with this."
11619,40,2,18,"Please hurry, sir."
11620,40,2,18,I want to do dirty stuff with you.
11621,40,2,18,Stuff I won't let him do.
11622,40,2,18,Every red light run is an extra $20.
11623,40,2,18,Baby?
11624,40,2,18,"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It was all my fault."
11625,40,2,18,I am so drunk.
11626,40,2,18,"When I'm this drunk, I go crazy!"
11627,40,2,18,I bet you do.
11628,40,2,18,Check this out.
11629,40,2,18,What up NYPD?
11630,40,2,18,So close.
11631,40,2,18,See? If I had a room here all I have to do is get them upstairs.
11632,40,2,18,"Come on, guys. It'll be great!"
11633,40,2,18,We'll come in after you guys are asleep and I'll be gone before you wake up.
11634,40,2,18,"So, you get to have s*x and we get to wake some skanky girl up in the morning and kick her out?"
11635,40,2,18,"God, Lily."
11636,40,2,18,Some guy just told her that he loved her then pretended to go to the bathroom and never came back you can't make her a cup of coffee?
11637,40,2,18,Real nice.
11638,40,2,18,"I put all your heavy jackets in this box marked ""winter."""
11639,40,2,18,"And all your colorful sweaters in this box marked ""Bill Cosby."""
11640,40,2,18,"Make fun, but America loved that guy for a reason."
11641,40,2,18,Wow!
11642,40,2,18,Almost done.
11643,40,2,18,Not so fast.
11644,40,2,18,Take your sword.
11645,40,2,18,Wow.
11646,40,2,18,End of an era.
11647,40,2,18,Yeah.
11648,40,2,18,"It's a bummer to break up the set, but you're going to need that sword."
11649,40,2,18,It's true... my building is infested with dragons.
11650,40,2,18,Looks like our little boy is finally moving out.
11651,40,2,18,It seems like just yesterday he was a cute little freshmen.
11652,40,2,18,Discovering Reggae and ultimate Frisbee.
11653,40,2,18,He did it later than the other kids but we never pushed him.
11654,40,2,18,We knew he'd get there.
11655,40,2,18,"You haven't moved in yet, have you?"
11656,40,2,18,Good. You guys have to take this quiz.
11657,40,2,18,I found it in a magazine.
11658,40,2,18,"It's called the ""Are you ready to move in together?"" quiz."
11659,40,2,18,"Well, if it's anything like you're ""Are you wearing panties"" quiz, I'm out."
11660,40,2,18,"Question one, Ted, ""Do you want to move in with Robin?"""
11661,40,2,18,Mm. Yes.
11662,40,2,18,"Oh, you got the first one wrong."
11663,40,2,18,"The answer is ""no,"" you secretly want to be single and hang out with your awesome friend Barney."""
11664,40,2,18,Question two.
11665,40,2,18,"Robin, ""Do you think you can score a hotter guy than Ted?"""
11666,40,2,18,Correct. The answer was awkward silence.
11667,40,2,18,"Question three, ""Did I just make up this quiz to prove a point?"""
11668,40,2,18,Yes.
11669,40,2,18,"Yes, I did."
11670,40,2,18,Really? You mean it's not from Old Yellow Legal Pad Magazine?
11671,40,2,18,So? We all agree?
11672,40,2,18,We move Ted's stuff back up here?
11673,40,2,18,Mm... no. We're still moving in together.
11674,40,2,18,Why? This is crazy.
11675,40,2,18,Ted you're throwing your life away. This girl is blinding you.
11676,40,2,18,With her shiny hair and her boobed shaped boobs.
11677,40,2,18,"This is bad for you, too, you know."
11678,40,2,18,How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?
11679,40,2,18,I'm not wearing makeup right now.
11680,40,2,18,"Holy crap, you're beautiful."
11681,40,2,18,"All right then, how will you feel when you can't sneak the occasional cigarette?"
11682,40,2,18,"Oh, come on, Robin doesn't smoke."
11683,40,2,18,"Wait, do you?"
11684,40,2,18,Of course not. Why?
11685,40,2,18,Don't tell me how to live my life!
11686,40,2,18,"Ted, I can't let you do this."
11687,40,2,18,Come on. This is happening.
11688,40,2,18,"So instead of fighting it why, why don't you just help?"
11689,40,2,18,You want me to help you?
11690,40,2,18,Yeah.
11691,40,2,18,"Okay, Ted."
11692,40,2,18,I'll help you.
11693,40,2,18,Can't believe we actually got him to take a box down.
11694,40,2,18,Maybe he's finally getting on board.
11695,40,2,18,Where's the truck?
11696,40,2,18,Where's Barney?
11697,40,2,18,Wait for it.
11698,40,2,18,I can't believe this! Everything I own in the world is in there.
11699,40,2,18,Except for this box of pot lids.
11700,40,2,18,And the sword.
11701,40,2,18,I'm going to kill him. I swear to God I'm going to kill him!
11702,40,2,18,Right. Maybe I'll just hold on to that. For now.
11703,40,2,18,"Marshall, we live alone."
11704,40,2,18,This is so great!
11705,40,2,18,We can finally do all the things we always said we wanted to do if we lived alone.
11706,40,2,18,"Oh, I know what I want to start with."
11707,40,2,18,"So, here we are, right?"
11708,40,2,18,Sitting around the apartment naked.
11709,40,2,18,Awesome.
11710,40,2,18,Yep.
11711,40,2,18,It's not as awesome as I thought it would be.
11712,40,2,18,My butt itches.
11713,40,2,18,I'm cold.
11714,40,2,18,I noticed.
11715,40,2,18,"Yeah, like you're one to talk, Pointy."
11716,40,2,18,"Barney, I don't know if you got my other 47 messages, but if my stuff isn't here within the hour I'm calling the cops."
11717,40,2,18,This is the last time I'm calling you.
11718,40,2,18,Because my charger's in the back of the truck.
11719,40,2,18,"Don't worry, it's Barney. He'll bring the stuff back."
11720,40,2,18,"No, it's just... I was really looking forward to settling in, you know?"
11721,40,2,18,Maybe setting up my TV.
11722,40,2,18,Watching a movie in bed.
11723,40,2,18,What?
11724,40,2,18,Do we really want a TV in the bedroom?
11725,40,2,18,I thought we did.
11726,40,2,18,I'm not sure that we do.
11727,40,2,18,"Well, where else would we put my TV?"
11728,40,2,18,We could just put it in our storage unit in the basement.
11729,40,2,18,But wouldn't we miss my TV?
11730,40,2,18,Would we?
11731,40,2,18,"Yes, we would."
11732,40,2,18,We've had that TV for a long time and we would feel more at home if it were setup in our bedroom.
11733,40,2,18,"We need wine, don't we?"
11734,40,2,18,"Yes, we do."
11735,40,2,18,"Should we, um, move this to the bedroom?"
11736,40,2,18,Why?
11737,40,2,18,Ted doesn't live here anymore.
11738,40,2,18,We can do it wherever we want.
11739,40,2,18,You know what else?
11740,40,2,18,We don't have to be quiet anymore.
11741,40,2,18,We can be as loud as we want.
11742,40,2,18,"Okay, I think we need to lay down some ground rules."
11743,40,2,18,Just because we can be loud doesn't mean we have to be loud.
11744,40,2,18,"And although it might turn you on, you screaming, ""I'm the best,"" doesn't do much for me."
11745,40,2,18,"Well, it's a lot better than yelling, ""Ted's not here,"" over and over again."
11746,40,2,18,"Well, at least what I said is true."
11747,40,2,18,"Well, that was unnecessary."
11748,40,2,18,"Well, since I only have one box I figure I might as well unpack it."
11749,40,2,18,"Mm, where do you think we should put it?"
11750,40,2,18,"Well, unless you have a separate pot lid room, I was thinking the cupboard."
11751,40,2,18,What?
11752,40,2,18,"Uh, the thing is my kitchen is kind of small."
11753,40,2,18,"And, um, I already have a bunch of pot lids and mine come with pots, so..."
11754,40,2,18,You're saying there's no way to make room for the single box of stuff I try to move into our place?
11755,40,2,18,"Well, why don't you just take it down to the..."
11756,40,2,18,Do not say storage space.
11757,40,2,18,I was going to say Dumpster.
11758,40,2,18,"Damn it, Robin, this is all I have left in the world--"
11759,40,2,18,eight pot lids and a sword.
11760,40,2,18,"Yeah, about the sword."
11761,40,2,18,Hello.
11762,40,2,18,"Put on the suit, Mr. Mosby."
11763,40,2,18,"Barney, I know it's you. Where's my stuff?"
11764,40,2,18,It's not me.
11765,40,2,18,"If you want to see your precious possessions again, put on the suit."
11766,40,2,18,What suit?
11767,40,2,18,"Ding-dong. Oh, what's that? The doorbell."
11768,40,2,18,That's the suit I'm talking about.
11769,40,2,18,I haven't gotten to the door yet.
11770,40,2,18,"Oh, okay, let me know when you get there."
11771,40,2,18,"Okay, I opened it. And there's a suit there."
11772,40,2,18,That's the suit I'm talking about.
11773,40,2,18,Barney....
11774,40,2,18,This isn't Barney.
11775,40,2,18,But I hear that guy's awesome.
11776,40,2,18,All right. Listen very carefully.
11777,40,2,18,You will get your stuff back if you are able to complete a series of challenges.
11778,40,2,18,"Number one, put on the suit."
11779,40,2,18,"Number two, meet me at McClaren's in an hour."
11780,40,2,18,How will I know who to look for since we've never met?
11781,40,2,18,I look like Barney.
11782,40,2,18,"Oh, hey, Ted."
11783,40,2,18,Suit and sneakers.
11784,40,2,18,A little Ellen DeGeneres but you pull it off.
11785,40,2,18,I don't have any other shoes because you stole them along with everything else I own in the world.
11786,40,2,18,"Where's the truck, Barney?"
11787,40,2,18,Barney.
11788,40,2,18,People's whose trucks I'm not holding for ransom call me Barney.
11789,40,2,18,I think you should call me The Commodore.
11790,40,2,18,I'm not calling you...
11791,40,2,18,You're not getting your stuff back.
11792,40,2,18,Can I please have my stuff back...
11793,40,2,18,The Commodore?
11794,40,2,18,No.
11795,40,2,18,"Here's the deal, Ted, you're my bro."
11796,40,2,18,"And you're about to become a henpecked, beaten down, shell of a man."
11797,40,2,18,"So tonight, we are going to have one last awesome night together as bros."
11798,40,2,18,It's a bro-ing away party.
11799,40,2,18,A special bro-casion.
11800,40,2,18,A bro-choice rally.
11801,40,2,18,Bro-time at the Apollo.
11802,40,2,18,"Oh, bro me."
11803,40,2,18,"Well, so what do I have to do?"
11804,40,2,18,"No, it's not what you have to do, it's what you want to do, and you want to have a good time before you go take Fun Ted out back and shoot him."
11805,40,2,18,So... first thing on the docket... get me that girl's number.
11806,40,2,18,Absolutely not.
11807,40,2,18,Mm. That's too bad.
11808,40,2,18,"Hey, hypothetical question: if I was all your stuff, would I rather be at the bottom of the East River or The Hudson?"
11809,40,2,18,"Hey, look, world's strongest man is on."
11810,40,2,18,"Ooh, it's the one where Lou Ferrigno pulls the bus from the Partridge family with his teeth."
11811,40,2,18,"It's the best one. Hey, Ted, get in..."
11812,40,2,18,We live alone.
11813,40,2,18,Yay.
11814,40,2,18,"Well, I win."
11815,40,2,18,
11816,40,2,18,You need to give my friend your phone number.
11817,40,2,18,"Wow, I really didn't think Lou Ferrigno could pull that bus."
11818,40,2,18,Are you sure this is live? It looks pretty old.
11819,40,2,18,"Yeah, that's 'cause the, uh, TV is old."
11820,40,2,18,"So, I'll, uh, call you tomorrow?"
11821,40,2,18,"Yeah. Um, not too early. I have church."
11822,40,2,18,"You were impressive, buddy."
11823,40,2,18,"Nice work. All right, next challenge."
11824,40,2,18,"No. No next challenge. Look, this is my first night living with Robin."
11825,40,2,18,She's probably pissed I'm spending it out with you.
11826,40,2,18,"This might be our last hurrah, my little friend."
11827,40,2,18,"Marshall, I am gonna cook you the best dinner of your life."
11828,40,2,18,How would you like a... one-egg omelet with some ketchup and film?
11829,40,2,18,Guess Ted's the one who did the shopping.
11830,40,2,18,"Ooh, look, a microwave pizza!"
11831,40,2,18,"Guess the microwave was Ted's, too."
11832,40,2,18,Yeah.
11833,40,2,18,So were all the towels.
11834,40,2,18,Turns out that everything that was useful in this apartment was Ted's.
11835,40,2,18,Everything that was a Foghat poster we bought ironically in college was mine.
11836,40,2,18,Marshall.
11837,40,2,18,"Yeah, baby?"
11838,40,2,18,I miss Ted.
11839,40,2,18,Is it too soon to call him?
11840,40,2,18,"No, we shouldn't."
11841,40,2,18,I don't want to interrupt his first night living with Robin.
11842,40,2,18,"Ha, nice shooting."
11843,40,2,18,"You know, if we win this one it's free onion rings at the Intergalactic Snack Shack."
11844,40,2,18,What a bargain.
11845,40,2,18,We only had to spend 20 bucks a game.
11846,40,2,18,"Admit it, you're having fun."
11847,40,2,18,Maybe.
11848,40,2,18,"I mean, it was pretty funny when that little girl fell over that space barrel."
11849,40,2,18,Nice... We win.
11850,40,2,18,"Oh, walk of shame, walk of game--"
11851,40,2,18,what up?
11852,40,2,18,Okay. Let's go one more.
11853,40,2,18,I don't know.
11854,40,2,18,You know you want to.
11855,40,2,18,"All right, let's do it... I just got to call Robin real quick."
11856,40,2,18,"Oh, so that's what it's gonna be like from now on?"
11857,40,2,18,"No. Okay, okay. You call your old lady and ask permission to have fun."
11858,40,2,18,"Me, I will be at the Snack Shack eating our victory onion rings Han style."
11859,40,2,18,Solo.
11860,40,2,18,"Hey, Ted."
11861,40,2,18,"Hey, sweetie listen, I'm really sorry but I'm gonna be pretty late, so don't wait up."
11862,40,2,18,"Oh, it's totally fine. You do what you got to do."
11863,40,2,18,Thanks. You're the best. I love you.
11864,40,2,18,"I love you, too. Bye."
11865,40,2,18,"Hey, sorry about that. Thanks for holding."
11866,40,2,18,"Um, so if you could go ahead and cancel my subscription to Guns and Ammo, that would be great."
11867,40,2,18,"No, it's a great magazine. Really great."
11868,40,2,18,They've printed three of my letters.
11869,40,2,18,It's just that my boyfriend is moving in and he kind of doesn't approve of the whole gun thing.
11870,40,2,18,A free hand grenade phone?
11871,40,2,18,You know what? Let me give you my work address.
11872,40,2,18,"I did it, baby!"
11873,40,2,18,I got beer. I got food.
11874,40,2,18,We don't need Ted anymore.
11875,40,2,18,"I am the provider of this apartment now, and I have provided!"
11876,40,2,18,"""Provode""? Provided."
11877,40,2,18,"Anyway, I got us everything we need."
11878,40,2,18,Could you toss me the toilet paper?
11879,40,2,18,"Be right back, baby. Sit tight."
11880,40,2,18,"Hey, I got to admit, um... I didn't think I would, but, uh..."
11881,40,2,18,I had a really good time tonight.
11882,40,2,18,"You're a good friend, Barney."
11883,40,2,18,"Hey, man, why don't you, uh... why don't you tell me where my truck is."
11884,40,2,18,"No, I don't think so."
11885,40,2,18,Where's my truck?!
11886,40,2,18,Do you know why I haven't given you any of your possessions back yet?
11887,40,2,18,"Uh, because you're Admiral Jerk of the British Royal Douchery?"
11888,40,2,18,Because you don't want them back.
11889,40,2,18,"You could've left at any time tonight, but you didn't, Ted."
11890,40,2,18,Why is that?
11891,40,2,18,Because I didn't want to go back to Robin's without my stuff.
11892,40,2,18,False. You know what I think?
11893,40,2,18,I think you spent one day with her and it already sucked.
11894,40,2,18,"I think you didn't like being there, she didn't like having you there and you both realized that you made a huge mistake."
11895,40,2,18,And that's why you spent your first night living with Robin out playing laser tag with me.
11896,40,2,18,"And that's why three seconds ago you didn't call it ""my place"" or ""our place"" or ""home,"" you called it ""Robin's."""
11897,40,2,18,You know what?
11898,40,2,18,You can keep my stuff.
11899,40,2,18,Hey.
11900,40,2,18,"Hey, did you get the truck back?"
11901,40,2,18,No.
11902,40,2,18,Why not? What happened?
11903,40,2,18,"Oh, he pissed me off so much, I left."
11904,40,2,18,"Anyway, I just wanted to come back here, space out and watch a movie."
11905,40,2,18,Do you anything that wasn't made by John Woo?
11906,40,2,18,"Why, do you?"
11907,40,2,18,"You know, forget the movie. I just want to sit."
11908,40,2,18,What?
11909,40,2,18,It's just I eat at that table.
11910,40,2,18,"Fine, I'll take my shoes off."
11911,40,2,18,"You know, why don't you just throw me down in the storage space where you have room for me."
11912,40,2,18,"Ted, come on."
11913,40,2,18,"No, you come on."
11914,40,2,18,I had to jump through hoops all night for Barney and then it took me an hour to get home because his place is so far away from the bar.
11915,40,2,18,"Oh, my God."
11916,40,2,18,What?
11917,40,2,18,I know where Barney put my truck.
11918,40,2,18,Let's go back to my place.
11919,40,2,18,I bet you my place is closer.
11920,40,2,18,Here we are.
11921,40,2,18,You live in the loading dock behind the bar?
11922,40,2,18,"I don't live here, baby. This is just my ride."
11923,40,2,18,"No, no, no, no. I'm not getting into any van, I've seen Silence of the Lambs."
11924,40,2,18,"Oh, my God. We're drinking champagne in the back of a moving van."
11925,40,2,18,"Why, yes, Sara. Yes, we are."
11926,40,2,18,Those other Rockettes who called you slow are crazy.
11927,40,2,18,"Oh, my God. I knew it. You're kidnapping me."
11928,40,2,18,Help! Help!
11929,40,2,18,"No, no, no, no."
11930,40,2,18,I can explain.
11931,40,2,18,Hello?
11932,40,2,18,Enjoying the ride?
11933,40,2,18,"Ted? Ted, you let us out of here. You let us out of here this instant!"
11934,40,2,18,This isn't Ted.
11935,40,2,18,But I hear that guy's awesome.
11936,40,2,18,So I took Sara home and I took Barney to a bar near his apartment.
11937,40,2,18,"Apparently, that strategy had never occurred to him."
11938,40,2,18,That poor girl must've been so confused.
11939,40,2,18,Yeah.
11940,40,2,18,"Well, at least Barney learned a valuable lesson."
11941,40,2,18,You do not want to get scissor kicked in the groin by a Rockette.
11942,40,2,18,"So, uh, I guess we should get you unpacked."
11943,40,2,18,Yeah.
11944,40,2,18,"Yeah, I guess we should."
11945,40,2,18,"Lily... deep within the Amazonian rainforest, there is a type of tree that only grows around the body of an existing tree."
11946,40,2,18,It cannot survive without this tree.
11947,40,2,18,It is supported... by this tree.
11948,40,2,18,"Lily, we are that tree."
11949,40,2,18,The inside tree or the outside tree?
11950,40,2,18,The outside tree.
11951,40,2,18,Shouldn't there be three trees?
11952,40,2,18,You and I are one tree.
11953,40,2,18,"Okay, look, Lily, the point is that we grew around Ted and without him, we're slowly dying."
11954,40,2,18,What do we do?
11955,40,2,18,I think we can marry each other.
11956,40,2,18,But we also have to marry Ted.
11957,40,2,18,"I'll tell you right now, my Dad is not gonna pay for that wedding."
11958,40,2,18,Ted!
11959,40,2,18,What are you doing here?
11960,40,2,18,Robin and I aren't gonna move in together after all.
11961,40,2,18,What happened?
11962,40,2,18,I thought we decided we were ready?
11963,40,2,18,I know.
11964,40,2,18,How did we come to that again?
11965,40,2,18,I don't remember. We were fighting?
11966,40,2,18,It's all so blurry.
11967,40,2,18,Yeah.
11968,40,2,18,"The ""let's move in together"" s*x was pretty amazing."
11969,40,2,18,I know.
11970,40,2,18,I did that thing with no hands I normally need both to do.
11971,40,2,18,You know... I'm really happy with you.
11972,40,2,18,I really happy with you. The way things are.
11973,40,2,18,Maybe we shouldn't mess with that.
11974,40,2,18,I don't know that we should.
11975,40,2,18,"Hey... I hear the ""let's not move in together"" s*x is pretty incredible."
11976,40,2,18,Let's go back to my place.
11977,40,2,18,"Ooh, thank you."
11978,40,2,18,You're welcome.
11979,40,2,18,"No, thank you."
11980,40,2,18,You'll be very happy.
11981,40,2,18,"Look, I know you guys are really excited about having the place to yourself."
11982,40,2,18,"Until after the wedding, I mean, if it's not too much of an imposition..."
11983,40,2,18,"God, this feels so right."
11984,40,2,18,Never leave us again.
11985,40,2,18,"Guys, Robin's down in the truck and there's actually a lot of boxes, so maybe we should..."
11986,40,2,18,Do we have time for this?
11987,40,2,18,"Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list."
11988,40,2,18,The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
11989,40,2,18,It was never your truck.
11990,40,2,18,...if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
11991,40,2,18,It was a rental.
11992,40,2,18,"Number ten, ""The Winne-Bango."""
11993,40,2,18,"Number nine, ""The Pick-Up Truck."""
11994,40,2,18,"Number eight, ""The Ford Explore Her."""
11995,40,2,18,"Number seven, ""The You Scream Truck."""
11996,40,2,18,You Scream.
11997,40,2,18,"Number six, ""Feels On Wheels."" Hello!"
11998,40,2,18,"Number five, ""The Ride Her Truck."""
11999,40,2,18,"Number four, ""The 18-Squeeler."""
12000,40,2,18,"Number three, ""The Esca-Laid."""
12001,40,2,18,"Number two, ""The Slam-Boney."" and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back..."
12002,40,2,18,"""The '69 Chevy."""
12003,41,2,19,It took me a while to figure out but the key to understanding your Uncle Barney is this.
12004,41,2,19,"When times are hard, it's impossible to keep him around."
12005,41,2,19,Like when your aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall were broken up.
12006,41,2,19,Hey. What are you guys talking about?
12007,41,2,19,Lily.
12008,41,2,19,I got to go.
12009,41,2,19,"But when times are good, it's impossible to get rid of him."
12010,41,2,19,What are you guys doing?
12011,41,2,19,We just finished planning Marshall's bachelor party.
12012,41,2,19,"Good, you haven't started yet. Let's talk logistics."
12013,41,2,19,"Now, have you laid out ground rules with Lily?"
12014,41,2,19,Where you are or aren't allowed to touch or be touched?
12015,41,2,19,Show me on Ted.
12016,41,2,19,"Actually, we're, uh, we're thinking of skipping the strippers."
12017,41,2,19,You... you want to have a party without strippers.
12018,41,2,19,This was the worse thing I could have said.
12019,41,2,19,"You see, uncle Barney loved cooking up bachelor parties."
12020,41,2,19,And it was always the same recipe.
12021,41,2,19,You start with a slightly cramped hotel suite.
12022,41,2,19,Arrange the chairs in a circle...
12023,41,2,19,Fill them with your closest friends.
12024,41,2,19,Turn the heat up to about 90.
12025,41,2,19,Pump in a metric ton of cigar smoke.
12026,41,2,19,"And then, right in the middle of the room, you throw in a girl."
12027,41,2,19,"But not a beautiful girl... no, if this girl was ever beautiful, it was two kids, three tattoos and one pesky substance abuse problem ago."
12028,41,2,19,Which one of you is Stuart?
12029,41,2,19,"Please, I really don't want to do this."
12030,41,2,19,"Shut up, put in your mouth guard."
12031,41,2,19,"Then she proceeds to do things that demean the groom, herself and really, the entire human race."
12032,41,2,19,Disgusting.
12033,41,2,19,"Ah, horrifying."
12034,41,2,19,Classic.
12035,41,2,19,"Oh, please, please, no, no."
12036,41,2,19,I don't want anything like that happening to me.
12037,41,2,19,Stuart's still trying to forget that night.
12038,41,2,19,It's my bachelor party. We're not having strippers.
12039,41,2,19,"Oh, he thinks he has a sain it."
12040,41,2,19,"So, strippers it is!"
12041,41,2,19,"Now, just, uh, tell me where we're going to be and I'll make some calls."
12042,41,2,19,"Barney, there is..."
12043,41,2,19,"Before you say no, it has attachments."
12044,41,2,19,"Look, I know you have some stuff planned for Marshall's bachelor party, but he really doesn't want strippers."
12045,41,2,19,"Yes, he does."
12046,41,2,19,"Uh, well, he told me he doesn't."
12047,41,2,19,"Uh, well, he told me he does."
12048,41,2,19,When?
12049,41,2,19,Every minute of every day as his inner animal thrashes against the cage of his own puritanical upbringing.
12050,41,2,19,Or do you guys not like naked girls.
12051,41,2,19,"Um, we love naked girls."
12052,41,2,19,They're one of the best things in the world.
12053,41,2,19,"It goes... naked girls, democracy, the scene in Every Which Way But Loose where the monkey gives a guy the finger."
12054,41,2,19,We just don't like your naked girls.
12055,41,2,19,"What, my girls aren't hot enough?"
12056,41,2,19,"I mean, all right, fine, the stripper at Stuart's bachelor party was a 15."
12057,41,2,19,She was 15?
12058,41,2,19,"No, a 15. Like in blackjack."
12059,41,2,19,"As in, not sure whether you'd hit it?"
12060,41,2,19,Exactly.
12061,41,2,19,Nice.
12062,41,2,19,"This is important to Marshall. So, promise me, no strippers."
12063,41,2,19,"All right, I promise."
12064,41,2,19,I'm serious.
12065,41,2,19,So am I. No strippers.
12066,41,2,19,Now say it without winking.
12067,41,2,19,No strippers.
12068,41,2,19,You just winked.
12069,41,2,19,No I didn't.
12070,41,2,19,"So, when the day arrived, we all climbed into a rented Escalade and set out."
12071,41,2,19,"Now, every bachelor party is usually made up of the same stock characters."
12072,41,2,19,You've got the groom... the best man... the guy who speaks only in clichés...
12073,41,2,19,Dead man walking!
12074,41,2,19,...the guy who disappears at the beginning of the night and doesn't show up again until the end.
12075,41,2,19,"All right, who's up for a little blackjack before we check in."
12076,41,2,19,"No, no, no."
12077,41,2,19,None for me.
12078,41,2,19,"See you guys back at the room, then."
12079,41,2,19,"And, of course, well... Barney."
12080,41,2,19,"Every bachelor party has a Barney. Oh, what's this?"
12081,41,2,19,"This car has a DVD player? You mean, we could have been watching these pornos the whole time?"
12082,41,2,19,Yeah.
12083,41,2,19,This one's in HD.
12084,41,2,19,This one's in H-double-D. Oh!
12085,41,2,19,"That same night, aunt Lily was having a wedding shower."
12086,41,2,19,And Robin showed up gift in hand.
12087,41,2,19,Funny story about that gift.
12088,41,2,19,"Hey, Barney, check out what I got Lily for her shower."
12089,41,2,19,It's kind of racy. Think you can handle it?
12090,41,2,19,"Uh, I've been in a ten-way. So, yeah."
12091,41,2,19,It's kind of see-through.
12092,41,2,19,"Whoa, ho ho!"
12093,41,2,19,You weren't kidding! You know when you should give that to her?
12094,41,2,19,1850.
12095,41,2,19,"Robin, it's her bridal shower!"
12096,41,2,19,"All her friends are gonna be there, they're going to be drinking."
12097,41,2,19,"You need to get her something daring, something outrageous."
12098,41,2,19,"Well, what do you think I should get her?"
12099,41,2,19,There's a store on Eighth Avenue that specializes in--
12100,41,2,19,how to put this delicately?--
12101,41,2,19,"uh, battery-powered, adult-"
12102,41,2,19,recreational fake penises.
12103,41,2,19,"And so Aunt Robin went to a store on Eighth Avenue, and a battery-powered, adult-recreational..."
12104,41,2,19,"Well, it was something inappropriate. And we're back in."
12105,41,2,19,Robin!
12106,41,2,19,I'm so glad you're here.
12107,41,2,19,"Come in, I want you to meet everybody."
12108,41,2,19,"Robin, this is my Grandma Lois and my Aunt Florence."
12109,41,2,19,"Oh, lovely to meet you, dear."
12110,41,2,19,They put this whole party together.
12111,41,2,19,"It's different from what I expected, but lovely."
12112,41,2,19,Lovely.
12113,41,2,19,"And oh, look, there are little kids here!"
12114,41,2,19,"Yeah, my cousins."
12115,41,2,19,"Listen, I, uh, I forgot something somewhere so I'm going to just go..."
12116,41,2,19,"Robin, this is my mom, Janice."
12117,41,2,19,"Oh, honey. I'm so glad to finally meet you."
12118,41,2,19,"Me too. I, I've heard so much about you."
12119,41,2,19,"Me, too. Oh, here. Let me take your gift."
12120,41,2,19,"Can I guess what it is? Is it a, a, a mini food processor?"
12121,41,2,19,No.
12122,41,2,19,No? Oh.
12123,41,2,19,"Oh, give me a hint. What color is it?"
12124,41,2,19,Black.
12125,41,2,19,"Well, I guess I'm just going to have to wait and see!"
12126,41,2,19,"Oh, great."
12127,41,2,19,Robin...
12128,41,2,19,this is my Cousin Margaret.
12129,41,2,19,"Oh, finally, someone our own age!"
12130,41,2,19,"Wait, do I introduce you as ""Cousin Margaret"" or ""Sister Margaret?"""
12131,41,2,19,"Well, I'm not officially confirmed as a nun until next month and I don't want to tick off the Big Guy, so let's stick with ""Cousin"" for now."
12132,41,2,19,God's watching. Excellent!
12133,41,2,19,"Man, they spent a lot of money on this porno."
12134,41,2,19,"Whoa-- Morgan Freeman? Man, that guy's in everything."
12135,41,2,19,"Aw, man, I grabbed the wrong Deep Impact!"
12136,41,2,19,"No, leave it in, it's a good movie."
12137,41,2,19,"But, dude, there's no s*x in it."
12138,41,2,19,"Yeah, just like marriage. Huh? Right?"
12139,41,2,19,"Oh, oh, hey, check this out! Don't ask how, but I procured for us five loco-bueno, hand-rolled, highly illegal Cubans."
12140,41,2,19,"Seriously, you could go to jail for smoking these things."
12141,41,2,19,"Marriage is like jail! Right, fellas?!"
12142,41,2,19,"But at least in jail, you get to have s*x!"
12143,41,2,19,"But we're not lighting these babies up, till we get to the A.C."
12144,41,2,19,A.C.?
12145,41,2,19,"Um, Atlantic City. Try to keep up, Brad."
12146,41,2,19,We're not going to Atlantic City.
12147,41,2,19,"Just a second, Brad."
12148,41,2,19,Hi.
12149,41,2,19,Hi.
12150,41,2,19,"We're still going to Atlantic City, right?"
12151,41,2,19,"Oh, did I not tell you? Yeah, we switched it. We're going to Foxwoods."
12152,41,2,19,Foxwoods?
12153,41,2,19,But I've got an ipperstray waiting in tlanticaay itycay.
12154,41,2,19,What the heck's in Foxwoods?
12155,41,2,19,"Well, we've got five third row seats to the Popinski-Salazar rematch."
12156,41,2,19,"They've set aside our very own craps table, and I reserved a private room for us at Connelly's, where the five of us are going to be sharing a 102-ounce steak from a cow that I picked out on the Internet."
12157,41,2,19,Yeah.
12158,41,2,19,Great. The night's ruined.
12159,41,2,19,"Sorry, Barney. It was an honest mistake."
12160,41,2,19,This is going to be great!
12161,41,2,19,"Meat, violence, throwing money down the toilet."
12162,41,2,19,America-- one; every other country-- zero.
12163,41,2,19,"Thanks, guys."
12164,41,2,19,Yeah.
12165,41,2,19,"You okay, Barney?"
12166,41,2,19,"What can I say, Ted? You won."
12167,41,2,19,Hi.
12168,41,2,19,"You one... sad, pathetic loser."
12169,41,2,19,"Boys, say hello to Treasure."
12170,41,2,19,"Hi, Treasure."
12171,41,2,19,I can't believe that you did this.
12172,41,2,19,I had to.
12173,41,2,19,I'm your best man.
12174,41,2,19,Ted's my best man.
12175,41,2,19,You've yet to make a decision and that's fine.
12176,41,2,19,"But as your best-man-to-be, it's my job to make sure at your bachelor party you see a woman take her clothes off while dancing to Whitesnake's ""Here I Go Again."""
12177,41,2,19,"All right, fine, but... let's make it fast, all right."
12178,41,2,19,The fight starts in an hour we don't want to miss it.
12179,41,2,19,It's a girl taking her clothes off. How long can it take?
12180,41,2,19,It's a bit more complicated than that.
12181,41,2,19,"I need two grounded sockets, a large sterile pot filled with hot water and you all need to sign these releases."
12182,41,2,19,"An egg beater! Aw, thank you, Aunt Sylvia!"
12183,41,2,19,I love that it's cordless.
12184,41,2,19,"Well, at least I got that part right."
12185,41,2,19,All of these gifts are so thoughtful.
12186,41,2,19,Lily?
12187,41,2,19,I need you to look at me right now and read my mind.
12188,41,2,19,"Oh, my God! You're hearing me!"
12189,41,2,19,Yeah!
12190,41,2,19,Sorry this party's so boring. What's up?
12191,41,2,19,Do not open my gift. See what I'm doing here?
12192,41,2,19,"I'm looking over at the gift, then back at you, and I'm shaking my head, ""no."""
12193,41,2,19,Gift. You. No.
12194,41,2,19,Are you getting that?
12195,41,2,19,I totally got it.
12196,41,2,19,
12197,41,2,19,Here you go.
12198,41,2,19,Lily said it was your time of the month.
12199,41,2,19,You're welcome.
12200,41,2,19,What are you doing?
12201,41,2,19,"Oh, just, um... rearranging the gifts. The pile looked a bit precarious. So..."
12202,41,2,19,"Oh, don't worry, I'll keep an eye on it."
12203,41,2,19,Great. You do that.
12204,41,2,19,You're gonna make a damn good nun.
12205,41,2,19,"As many times as Robin told this story over the years, she would never quite be able to explain the logic of her next move."
12206,41,2,19,Is this a strip show or a Kiss concert?
12207,41,2,19,Shh! She's starting.
12208,41,2,19,"Please turn off your cell phones, pagers and sense of shame."
12209,41,2,19,"All right, boys. Lie back, get comfortable, and enjoy the show."
12210,41,2,19,Of course there's no way I'm telling you about her show.
12211,41,2,19,"So, let's skip ahead a little."
12212,41,2,19,Ow!
12213,41,2,19,"Oh my God, are you all right?"
12214,41,2,19,"No, I am not all right, you idiot. My ankle is broken!"
12215,41,2,19,Take me to the hospital!
12216,41,2,19,"Um, actually, we have tickets."
12217,41,2,19,"You know what? Thanks a lot, Barney."
12218,41,2,19,She told you at the beginning of the show not to use the smoke machine when she's on the hippity hop.
12219,41,2,19,Now I'm going to have to spend the rest of my bachelor party in a hospital.
12220,41,2,19,"Well, hey, maybe we'll get to see her X-rays."
12221,41,2,19,The ultimate strip show.
12222,41,2,19,X-rays. More like triple X-rays.
12223,41,2,19,Just stop.
12224,41,2,19,Which exit is the hospital?
12225,41,2,19,What if she doesn't make it to the hospital?
12226,41,2,19,"Barney, please calm down."
12227,41,2,19,"Maybe we should just take her to the desert, bury her and wash our hands of this whole thing!"
12228,41,2,19,"Dude, what is the matter with you?"
12229,41,2,19,I'm just trying to illustrate to Marshall that as his best man...
12230,41,2,19,You're not my best man.
12231,41,2,19,"As his best man, I would help him bury a hooker in the desert."
12232,41,2,19,I'm not a hooker.
12233,41,2,19,And you're not my best man.
12234,41,2,19,You've ruined my bachelor party.
12235,41,2,19,I don't know why you wouldn't just listen to me when I said I didn't want this.
12236,41,2,19,"Well, the fight started ten minutes ago. Maybe-maybe we should listen."
12237,41,2,19,"Oh, Doctor, what a fight!"
12238,41,2,19,That knockout will be talked about for years to come!
12239,41,2,19,Anyone lucky enough to be in the arena tonight just witnessed boxing history in the making!
12240,41,2,19,"Thank you so much, Margaret. I can't believe you carved that crucifix yourself."
12241,41,2,19,So talented.
12242,41,2,19,Didn't think you could carve.
12243,41,2,19,For you. Oh. And this one's from...
12244,41,2,19,Grandma Lois.
12245,41,2,19,"Oh. No, wait, darling."
12246,41,2,19,"Before you open this, I-I want to say a few words."
12247,41,2,19,"Okay, something you need to know."
12248,41,2,19,Grandma Lois thought she was giving her granddaughter an antique sewing machine.
12249,41,2,19,And we're back in.
12250,41,2,19,"Honey, this handy little device has been in our family for generations."
12251,41,2,19,"I used it, your great grandmother used it."
12252,41,2,19,"Now, her mother didn't use this one, but she used one just like it."
12253,41,2,19,"Of course, back then, they were made out of wood."
12254,41,2,19,"And, uh, I guess before that, you just had to do it by hand."
12255,41,2,19,"Would you pass the wine, please?"
12256,41,2,19,No.
12257,41,2,19,"Hey, Marshall, while we're here, you may as well go down to the morgue and climb into a drawer, 'cause that's what marriage is like."
12258,41,2,19,Can I get an amen?
12259,41,2,19,"Is everything all right at home, Stuart?"
12260,41,2,19,No.
12261,41,2,19,It's broken.
12262,41,2,19,"Oh, damn it, this is bad. I really can't lose this job."
12263,41,2,19,"My daughters are about to start school, and my fiancé, well... ever since he got back from Iraq, pretty much all he does is drink."
12264,41,2,19,"I think about leaving him, but..."
12265,41,2,19,I don't want my girls growing up without a dad like I did.
12266,41,2,19,I don't want them to know what that's like.
12267,41,2,19,"So, show time?"
12268,41,2,19,What is the matter with you?
12269,41,2,19,Her ankle's broken.
12270,41,2,19,I know for a fact that the second half of her act takes place largely in a seated or supine position.
12271,41,2,19,"Oh, that's true."
12272,41,2,19,"Treasure, please, don't worry about the show."
12273,41,2,19,"Uh, we'd feel bad."
12274,41,2,19,What does that mean?
12275,41,2,19,"No. We just mean, uh, you're off the hook."
12276,41,2,19,You don't have to do it.
12277,41,2,19,"I don't have to do it? Well, guess what?"
12278,41,2,19,I know I don't have to do it. I do it because I am good at it.
12279,41,2,19,"Look, I don't need your pity."
12280,41,2,19,All I want to do is give you a great show because you're getting married!
12281,41,2,19,Is that so much to ask? Is that such a major inconvenience?!
12282,41,2,19,"Oh, that is wrong."
12283,41,2,19,"Oh, that's just so wrong."
12284,41,2,19,"Well, the doctor did say for her to keep it elevated."
12285,41,2,19,"When I was a girl, my mother taught me and my sister to use it."
12286,41,2,19,We used to have contests to see who could finish faster.
12287,41,2,19,It was so exciting. The whole family would gather around to watch.
12288,41,2,19,"And when I was a new bride, this is what kept me buzy all those long nights when your grandfather was in Korea."
12289,41,2,19,"And speaking of your grandfather, though I don't think he'd care to admit this to any of his army buddies, but... he'd have a go at it every once in a while."
12290,41,2,19,And he enjoyed it.
12291,41,2,19,"Oh, open it up, sweetie."
12292,41,2,19,May this give for you as much joy as it's brought me.
12293,41,2,19,"Grandma, um..."
12294,41,2,19,Wow.
12295,41,2,19,"Well, take it out, honey. I want to show you how to use it."
12296,41,2,19,"Okay, no, no! Don't take it out."
12297,41,2,19,"Lily, that's not your grandma's gift. It's mine."
12298,41,2,19,"I panicked, and I switched the cards because I was embarrassed."
12299,41,2,19,"Well, what is it?"
12300,41,2,19,It's just like the one Miranda gave to Charlotte on s*x and the City.
12301,41,2,19,"Oh, I love that show. I always watch it on TBS."
12302,41,2,19,"Oh, you would. You're such a Samantha!"
12303,41,2,19,"Oh, I'm a Carrie! You're a Samantha!"
12304,41,2,19,And then the night became a whole new kind of uncomfortable.
12305,41,2,19,So where do I get one of these?
12306,41,2,19,Mom!
12307,41,2,19,"Man, what a show, huh?"
12308,41,2,19,She did some disgusting stuff. Really sticks with you.
12309,41,2,19,I may be done eating.
12310,41,2,19,"Me, too."
12311,41,2,19,"I mean, like, forever."
12312,41,2,19,"Me, too."
12313,41,2,19,I miss my wife.
12314,41,2,19,"Hey, let's go around the table and say what our favorite part was."
12315,41,2,19,Mine was that thing with the typewriter.
12316,41,2,19,"I mean, she made some spelling mistakes, but still."
12317,41,2,19,"Ooh, and you guys were all, ""Barney, put out the cigar!"
12318,41,2,19,"It's a non-smoking room!"" And I was all, ""Hell, no, this is a Cuban!"""
12319,41,2,19,"Of course, eventually, I did put it out."
12320,41,2,19,Did I put it out?
12321,41,2,19,I put it out.
12322,41,2,19,Did I put it out?
12323,41,2,19,I put it out.
12324,41,2,19,Did I put it out?
12325,41,2,19,"It was a small fire, not even big enough to force an evacuation of the hotel, but definitely big enough to get us kicked out, and bring Marshall's bachelor party to an early end."
12326,41,2,19,Is that...?
12327,41,2,19,It is.
12328,41,2,19,"Hey, guys."
12329,41,2,19,How was the fight?
12330,41,2,19,"Hey, what are you guys doing here? What happened to the bachelor party?"
12331,41,2,19,"We missed the fight, dinner was ruined, we spent half the night in the hospital, and got kicked out of the hotel."
12332,41,2,19,What do you think happened?
12333,41,2,19,Barney. Barney.
12334,41,2,19,"Hey, I was just trying to be a good best man."
12335,41,2,19,"You know what a best man does, Barney? He does what the groom wants."
12336,41,2,19,"But all you ever think about is what you want, what's best for you."
12337,41,2,19,Best man?
12338,41,2,19,I'm not even sure I'm inviting you to the wedding at this point.
12339,41,2,19,You don't mean that.
12340,41,2,19,Why should I invite you? You don't even want us to get married.
12341,41,2,19,That's not true.
12342,41,2,19,"Lily, don't."
12343,41,2,19,What?
12344,41,2,19,"I'm sorry, Barney."
12345,41,2,19,It happened last summer when we were broken up.
12346,41,2,19,"Hey, what are you guys talking about?"
12347,41,2,19,Lily.
12348,41,2,19,"Ah, I got to go."
12349,41,2,19,"Newark Airport, please."
12350,41,2,19,"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Barney, what are you doing here?"
12351,41,2,19,"I can't believe it's really you. Come in, have a seat."
12352,41,2,19,"Do you want some tea? I know the apartment's small, but I don't need much space. Let me show you some of my paintings."
12353,41,2,19,I think it's some of my best work ever. Just stop it.
12354,41,2,19,"Lily, you have to come home. You and Marshall belong together."
12355,41,2,19,The two of you have something that most people search their whole lives for and never find.
12356,41,2,19,"I know you love him, and if you knew what he was going through right now, you wouldn't be here for one more second."
12357,41,2,19,I bought you a ticket home.
12358,41,2,19,"Marshall is one of the best people I know, and it won't be long until someone else realizes that, and you'll lose him forever."
12359,41,2,19,"I can't stand the thought of that happening, and I cannot keep stealing chicks from him forever."
12360,41,2,19,"Never, ever tell anyone I was here. I will deny it tooth and nail."
12361,41,2,19,This trip never happened.
12362,41,2,19,"Hey, if you had three hours to kill before your flight, what would you do--"
12363,41,2,19,Alcatraz or Fisherman's Wharf?
12364,41,2,19,You really did that?
12365,41,2,19,"Marshall, I think Barney's your best man."
12366,41,2,19,Yeah.
12367,41,2,19,"Yes, he is."
12368,41,2,19,"See, Lily? This is why I didn't..."
12369,41,2,19,Really?
12370,41,2,19,Really.
12371,41,2,19,Real...
12372,41,2,19,"In your face, loser!"
12373,41,2,19,"Take it easy, all right. Ted's still my best man, too."
12374,41,2,19,You guys are co-best men.
12375,41,2,19,"Right. Yes, we're both best man."
12376,41,2,19,"No, um, seriously. You guys are co-best men."
12377,41,2,19,Of course.
12378,41,2,19,I can't believe you got me this.
12379,41,2,19,"Oh, I only did it as a joke. I can return it for you you want."
12380,41,2,19,"Oh, no, it's okay. You don't have to go all the way back down there."
12381,41,2,19,"I'll, I'll just throw it away."
12382,41,2,19,"Well, I mean, if you were going to throw it away, maybe I'll take it in case I get invited to another wedding shower."
12383,41,2,19,It's a great gag gift.
12384,41,2,19,"Yeah, it's really funny."
12385,41,2,19,You know who would get a kick out of it?
12386,41,2,19,Marshall.
12387,41,2,19,"So, so maybe I'll just hold on to it."
12388,41,2,19,"I would be embarrassed if Marshall found out that I bought it for you,"
12389,41,2,19,so I'd better just take it.
12390,42,2,20,"Ted (2030): When the marriage approched, some weird stuff started happening."
12391,42,2,20,Lily: Why does my stomach hurt?
12392,42,2,20,"Marshall: I'm sorry, baby. I ate a bunch of ice cream earlier today."
12393,42,2,20,"Lily: Oh, baby, you know we're lactose-intolerant."
12394,42,2,20,"Tes: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you suggesting that when one of you feels something, the other feels it, too? Oh, God, you guys are so codependent."
12395,42,2,20,"Lily: No, we're not."
12396,42,2,20,"Ted: Oh, really? What about the other day?"
12397,42,2,20,Flashback. Lily and Marshall are in the kitchen.
12398,42,2,20,"Lily: Oh, I need to get some eggs."
12399,42,2,20,"Marshall: Oh, I'll come with you."
12400,42,2,20,Marshall accompanies Lily up to the refrigerator. End of flashback.
12401,42,2,20,Marshall: Just because we like spending time together doesn't mean we're codependent.
12402,42,2,20,Barney: Really? Then whatever happened to your plan of spending the last two weeks before your wedding sleeping apart?
12403,42,2,20,"Marshall: Okay, we decided not to do that because of..."
12404,42,2,20,Lily: Logistics. Wedding logistics.
12405,42,2,20,"Marshall: Frickin' logistics, man. They mess everything up."
12406,42,2,20,Ted: You didn't do it because you couldn't do it.
12407,42,2,20,Marshall: Sure we could.
12408,42,2,20,Robin: Then why don't you? You can stay with me.
12409,42,2,20,Lily: It would make our wedding night more special.
12410,42,2,20,"Marshall: Okay, let's do it."
12411,42,2,20,Lily: Done.
12412,42,2,20,Marshall: I'm gonna go grab a beer.
12413,42,2,20,Lily: I'll come with you. No. I'll stay.
12414,42,2,20,CREDITS
12415,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Lily's on the phone. Robin and Ted come in..."
12416,42,2,20,"Lily: Okay, I know. You know? I got to go. Good-bye. My mom's driving me cra...."
12417,42,2,20,"God, you guys are covered in sauce. We'll get to that. Me first. My mom is driving me crazy about the wedding music. The woman takes one cruise to Jamaica, and suddenly, it's ""not a party without steel drums."" Doesn't everybody know you're not supposed to stress out a bride right before her wedding?! Okay, sauce, go."
12418,42,2,20,Ted: Long story. I'll tell you later.
12419,42,2,20,"Barney: Yeah. It's a dirty story, isn't it? You guys went out to dinner, did it in the kitchen and got caught. Scherbatsky reeks of someone who likes to get caught."
12420,42,2,20,"Robin: Okay, now I have to wash up for two reasons."
12421,42,2,20,"Marshall: Oh, you didn't. That's right."
12422,42,2,20,Barney: So you and Lily really think you can spend two weeks apart?
12423,42,2,20,"Marshall: You know what, Barney? Lily and I are a lot less chees than you make us out to be."
12424,42,2,20,"Lily: Marshmallow, don't forget to pack my night-night tape."
12425,42,2,20,"Barney: Night-night tape? Did you make a tape of you saying ""night-night"" to her?"
12426,42,2,20,Marshall: No.
12427,42,2,20,Lily: He doesn't say it. He sings it.
12428,42,2,20,"Barney: Oh, that is so sweet. Why don't you kiss? I love it when two chicks make out."
12429,42,2,20,Lily: Damn it. Nobody's bought us anything cool yet off our registry.
12430,42,2,20,Barney: What's on there?
12431,42,2,20,"Lily: Ooh, lots of stuff. Kitchen Aide Artisan Series tilt-head stand mixer..."
12432,42,2,20,Barney: Retail price $319.99. What else?
12433,42,2,20,"Lily: Um, the Dyson DC17 Animal vacuum."
12434,42,2,20,"Barney: Ah, $549.99. A little greedy, don't you think?"
12435,42,2,20,Marshall: Did you memorize our registry?
12436,42,2,20,"Barney: No, I'm training."
12437,42,2,20,Marshall: Training? For what?
12438,42,2,20,"Barney: I'm glad you asked. Ted, Robin, get in here! You guys know how it's hard to be friends with me 'cause I'm so awesome?"
12439,42,2,20,"Ted: Yes, it's hard to be friends with you. Go on."
12440,42,2,20,"Barney: Well, this isn't going to make it any easier. I am going to be on... The Price Is Right."
12441,42,2,20,Marshall: No way!
12442,42,2,20,Ted: What?!
12443,42,2,20,"Barney: Yes, in a couple days, Rich Fields is going to call out my name, and I will come on down."
12444,42,2,20,"Marshall: Whoa, that is so awesome."
12445,42,2,20,"Robin: Barney, I didn't know you were such a fan of The Price is Right."
12446,42,2,20,"Barney: Are you kidding? T.P.I.R. is not just an indescribably entertaining hour of television, it's a microcosm of our entire economic system-- a capitalist utopia, where consumers are rewarded for their persistence, market acumen and intrepid spirit. I gaze upon the glory of The Price Is Right, and I see the face of America. And it is divine. Plus, you know, hot chicks on sports cars."
12447,42,2,20,Ted (2030): Then Lily headed out to Robin's for her first night away from Marshall.
12448,42,2,20,Lily: I'm ready! Lily comes into the livingroom with her wedding dress while Robin singins.)
12449,42,2,20,"Robin: Ta-da-da-da-da... Wow, Lily, you look so beautiful."
12450,42,2,20,Lily: I know! I'm beautiful! I'm a fairy princess! (she raises her arms and the dress falls.) I'm too skinny for my dress!
12451,42,2,20,At Ted's apartment...
12452,42,2,20,"Ted(2030): Meanwhile, I was testing out my best man toast on Marshall."
12453,42,2,20,"Ted: Here goes. Hello, everyone, I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man. Strong opening, right?"
12454,42,2,20,Marshall: That's fantastic.
12455,42,2,20,"Ted: When Marshall graduates this spring, he'll be a lawyer. But did you know that Marshall has a criminal record? That's right, on a road trip up to Cape Cod, Marshall was pulled over for driving by himself in a car pool lane."
12456,42,2,20,Flashback. Marshall's in the car and the siren oft he police rings...
12457,42,2,20,"Marshall: Oh, crap."
12458,42,2,20,Lily gets up...
12459,42,2,20,"Lily: Oh, crap."
12460,42,2,20,End of flashback.
12461,42,2,20,"Marshall: Are you crazy? You cannot tell that story at my wedding. My entire family's gonna be there. My little cousins, my mom, my grandma, my grandpa the minister."
12462,42,2,20,Ted: That grandpa died three years ago.
12463,42,2,20,"Marshall: His favorite grandson is getting married, Ted. I think he can take a day off from haunting the barn to make an appearance."
12464,42,2,20,"Barney comes into the apartment yelling, then he leaves again and yells diferently."
12465,42,2,20,"Barney: So which one, ""A"" or ""B""?"
12466,42,2,20,Marshall: What was that?
12467,42,2,20,"Barney: I have to decide how to run to contestant's row when they say, ""Barney Stinson, come on down!"""
12468,42,2,20,"Ted: Oh, I didn't realize that's what it was. Can you do them again?"
12469,42,2,20,"Barney: Yeah, of course."
12470,42,2,20,"Barney leaves again, behind him Ted closes the door."
12471,42,2,20,"Barney: Hey! Very funny. Just for that, when I win all the prizes, the only thing you guys are getting is Rice-A-Roni and Turtle Wax."
12472,42,2,20,"At Robin's apartment, Lily's on the phone..."
12473,42,2,20,"Lily: It's $300 just to take the bust in? Oh, please, you have to have some sympathy for me. I'm getting married next Saturday, and I'm too skinny for my dress. I lost all this weight without even trying. Hello?"
12474,42,2,20,Robin: What happened?
12475,42,2,20,"Lily: She called me a bitch and hung up. Oh, I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just have to pay the $300."
12476,42,2,20,"Robin: Pay the $300? Lily, are you crazy? This isn't a problem. It's a license to eat. Look, what have you always wanted to eat but didn't because it was too ridicuusly decadent?"
12477,42,2,20,"Lily: Ooh, a Valrhona chocolate soufflée with a raspberry brandy sauce topped with caramelized bananas and hazelnut gelato."
12478,42,2,20,Robin: I have Cool Whip and half a bag of Fritos.
12479,42,2,20,Lily: Done!
12480,42,2,20,At the apartment...
12481,42,2,20,"Ted: Okay, think you're gonna be happy with my new toast. There's nothing sexual. It's, uh, it's just the story of an important moment in your relationship."
12482,42,2,20,"Marshall: I'm all ears. Hello, everyone,"
12483,42,2,20,"Ted: I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man."
12484,42,2,20,Marshall: Nice.
12485,42,2,20,"Ted: Right? That's great. Back when we were all freshman and Marshall and Lily were just a few short weeks into their relationship... It was 4:00 in the morning, and I'm not gonna lie, we were a wee bit wasted. We were starving. So I'd gone out to get us some snacks, and when I got back..."
12486,42,2,20,"Flasback. In their college room, Lily and Marshall are sitting on the floor, when Ted comes in with the snacks, Lily doesn't see him."
12487,42,2,20,Marshall: I love you.
12488,42,2,20,"Lily: I love you, too. I know it's soon to say it, but I'm so glad you did."
12489,42,2,20,Marshall: Yeah. Ted leaves the room.
12490,42,2,20,End of flashback. Ted and Marshall are at the bar.
12491,42,2,20,"Marshall: So here's what you want to talk about in front of my entire family: drinking, having a girl in my room, eating junk food."
12492,42,2,20,"Ted: Dude, you're almost 30. Your mom would be mad at you for eating junk food?"
12493,42,2,20,"Marshall: Yeah, Ted, 'cause nutrition's not important. Also, so Lily's never heard that story before. How's she going to react when she finds out the first time I said ""I love you"" to her, I was actually saying it to you and a bag of Funyuns"
12494,42,2,20,"Ted: But who cares? You did love her. And you still do. And you're totally over Funyuns, so it's not weird."
12495,42,2,20,They join Robin and Lily at a table.
12496,42,2,20,"Marshall: Hey, Lil."
12497,42,2,20,Lily: Hey.
12498,42,2,20,Ted: Hey? That's it?
12499,42,2,20,Marshall: What are you talking about?
12500,42,2,20,"Ted: Well, you guys have been spending the last few nights apart. I figured there'd be a lot of giggling, crying, jumping up and down, and then whatever Lily would do"
12501,42,2,20,"Ted (2030): Now, one thing I remember about the bar menu at McClaren's is that there were no fewer than 11 different deep-fried appetizers. That night, Aunt Lily ordered them all."
12502,42,2,20,Barney comes in with the wheel of a bike.
12503,42,2,20,"Barney: Check it out. Okay, imagine... imagine, if you will, that this is the $1 space on The Price Is Right wheel. Ready? (he turnst he wheel)"
12504,42,2,20,"Marshall: Oh, wow, that was pretty close."
12505,42,2,20,"Barney: Close? Close?! It's called The Price Is Right, not The Price Is Close! Oh, man, this is bad. If I don't win the spin-off, and I can't get into the Showcase Showdown, everything's ruined! It's all ruined!"
12506,42,2,20,"Ted: What is ruined? Why, why is this such a big deal?"
12507,42,2,20,"Barney: Okay, guys... sit down, I've got to tell you something. The reason I'm going on The Price Is Right is because I've decided that it's time for me to meet my real father."
12508,42,2,20,Ted: Your father?
12509,42,2,20,Barney: That's right. My father... is Bob Barker.
12510,42,2,20,Ted: Your dad... is Bob Barker?
12511,42,2,20,Barney: That's right
12512,42,2,20,"Lily: The host of The Price Is Right, Bob Barker?"
12513,42,2,20,Barney: That's Pops.
12514,42,2,20,Robin: Barney?
12515,42,2,20,"Bareney: Yes, Robin?"
12516,42,2,20,Robin: Why in the world do you think Bob Barker is your father?
12517,42,2,20,"Barney: Uh, because my mother told me he was, that's why."
12518,42,2,20,Flashback. Barney's a kid and he's wathing the Price is Right.
12519,42,2,20,"Barney: Mom, who's my dad? All the other kids at school know who their dad is. Who's mine?"
12520,42,2,20,"Barney's mom: Oh, I don't know. That guy. (she shows him Bob Barker on TV)"
12521,42,2,20,"Barney(in front oft he tv):Look, Dad, I got straight A's!"
12522,42,2,20,"Bareny (dressed as Bob Barker): Hey, Dad, guess who I'm going as for Halloween?"
12523,42,2,20,"Barney (throwing a ball at the TV): Want to play some catch, Pop?"
12524,42,2,20,End of flashback.
12525,42,2,20,"Barney: So now I'm gonna go to L.A., be on the show, win the Showcase Showdown, make him proud of me, and then tell him who I am."
12526,42,2,20,Ted: You're gonna tell Bob Barker that you're his son on national television?
12527,42,2,20,Barney: Why is this so hard for you people to believe?
12528,42,2,20,"Robin: Drop the popper! Lily has to gain five pounds in a week and a half, and it is my job to help her get there."
12529,42,2,20,Lily: This is the best wedding diet ever.
12530,42,2,20,
12531,42,2,20,At Robin's...
12532,42,2,20,Lily: I lost a pound.
12533,42,2,20,Robin: That is impossible. You ate McDonald's every meal for three days.
12534,42,2,20,Lily: I knew that Super Size Me guy was full of it.
12535,42,2,20,"Robin: Well, it must be the wedding stress. We just got to up the intake. Lily Aldrin, drop and give me 20 bites of fudge! Okay? Don't nibble at it. Attack it! Come on, Lily. You can do better than that!"
12536,42,2,20,Lily: I can't.
12537,42,2,20,"Robin: Well, eat faster, before your body figures out it's full."
12538,42,2,20,Lily: I'm trying.
12539,42,2,20,"Robin: Oh, are you gonna cry? You gonna cry? Skinny little baby's gonna cry? Well, eat, damn it, eat!"
12540,42,2,20,Lily: Okay!
12541,42,2,20,At the apartment...
12542,42,2,20,"Ted: Hey, so I think I figured out how to do your toast in a completely appropriate way."
12543,42,2,20,Marshall: Finally.
12544,42,2,20,"Ted: Yeah. Good evening. I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man."
12545,42,2,20,"Marshall: Still strong, right?"
12546,42,2,20,"Ted: Great, yeah. I'd like to share with you all a story about the momentous evening last fall"
12547,42,2,20,Flashback. At the bar... Marshall and Lily kissing.
12548,42,2,20,"Ted: when Marshall and Lily got back together. Afterward, we stayed up till 10:00 at night, doing shots of chocolate milk."
12549,42,2,20,"Ted (last year): Man, I'm well nourished right now!"
12550,42,2,20,Barney: Calcium promotes healthy teeth and bones.
12551,42,2,20,"Robin: Thanks, Marshall, for teaching us you don't need alcohol to have fun."
12552,42,2,20,"Marshall: Oh, don't thank me. Thank my parents for teaching me good values."
12553,42,2,20,"Ted: Now, I wasn't supposed to hear this next part, but Marshall leaned over to Lily and whispered."
12554,42,2,20,Marshall: You know what I'd like to do to you right now? I'd like to hold your hand. I'd like to hold your hand so hard that you're not able to shake hands for a week.
12555,42,2,20,Lily: Are you just going to talk about holding my hand or are you going to hold it?
12556,42,2,20,At the bathroom in the bar...
12557,42,2,20,"Ted: Then a little later, Robin caught them... Oh, um......holding hands. End flashback. It was a lovely and responsible night. To Marshall and Lily."
12558,42,2,20,"Marshall: That's the worst toast I've ever heard, dude. It's totally boring."
12559,42,2,20,"Ted: Exactly. It's impossible to write a good toast with you censoring me, man. I give up. I'm just going to read that thing about Jesus and the footprints."
12560,42,2,20,"Lily: I give up, too. I don't care if my dress doesn't fit. I can't eat anymore. I-I feel like my stomach's going to explode."
12561,42,2,20,Marshall: I know.
12562,42,2,20,2 weeks later...
12563,42,2,20,"Ted: And so, Lily and I were both about to give up, but as you can all see, Lily does look beautiful in that dress, and here I am giving a toast. You know, all this time, I'd been wracking my brain trying to pick out the perfect moment to capture Lily and Marshall as a couple. But then I realized the perfect moment wasn't some needle lost in the haystack of their ten years together. The perfect Lily and Marshall moment happened two nights ago."
12564,42,2,20,"Flashback. At the apartment, Ted comes into the livingroom and Marshall comes homes."
12565,42,2,20,"Ted: Marshall, what are you doing?"
12566,42,2,20,Marshall: Going to the bathroom.
12567,42,2,20,Ted: In the hall?
12568,42,2,20,Marshall: Sleepwalking?
12569,42,2,20,Ted: You're wide awake.
12570,42,2,20,Marshall: Robbing us?
12571,42,2,20,Ted: Dude.
12572,42,2,20,"Ted (giving the toast): Turns out, all week long he'd been sneaking out to a hotel on 72nd, to meet Lily."
12573,42,2,20,Marshall and Lily are liying down on the bed of the hotel room.
12574,42,2,20,"Lily: God, I missed you."
12575,42,2,20,"Marshall: I can't sleep without you. Hey, baby? Would you be the big spoon for a while?"
12576,42,2,20,"Lily: Sure, baby."
12577,42,2,20,Marshall: How's the weight gaining going?
12578,42,2,20,"Lily: Ugh, terribly. I'm too stressed out without you around."
12579,42,2,20,"Marshall: Well, I'm here now."
12580,42,2,20,"Ted(giving the toast): And so Lily and Marshall failed in their experiment with apartness, but they succeeded in getting Lily into her dress. You know, there really are a million things I could tell you about Lily and Marshall, but really, the only thing you need to know is that ten years into their relationship, they still couldn't spend a single night apart. May they never have to again. To Lily and Marshall."
12581,42,2,20,All: To Lily and Marshall.
12582,42,2,20,"Ted (2030): Now, kids, the story of Lily and Marshall's wedding is a good one. No matter how perfectly you plan your... You know, wait a second, guys. I'll get to that. First, I've got to tell you what happened with Barney."
12583,42,2,20,They're all at the apartment watching The Price Is Right...
12584,42,2,20,"Bob: Rich, what is the name of our next participant?"
12585,42,2,20,"Rich: Bob, it's Barney Stinson! Come on down! You're the next contestant on The Price Is Right."
12586,42,2,20,"Barney: Nooo. Oh, my God!"
12587,42,2,20,"Bob: Working his way out. High-five here, high-five there. A big old hug here."
12588,42,2,20,"At the apartment, all: Oh, my God!"
12589,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Barney: Yeah, I know, the camera loves me."
12590,42,2,20,"Bob: Welcome to contestant's row, Barney. Nice suit."
12591,42,2,20,"Barney: Thanks, Da... Bob."
12592,42,2,20,Bob: Here is the next item up for bid!
12593,42,2,20,"Rich: Bob, the stylish his-and-her watches feature an 18k gold bezel and crown and stainless steel bands."
12594,42,2,20,"Bob: And Barney, what do you bid on that?"
12595,42,2,20,"Barney: Um... Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Retail price is $1,349.99, so, since you round off, I'll say $1,350, Bob."
12596,42,2,20,"Bob: $1,350 for Barney."
12597,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Lily: So, was it $1,350?"
12598,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Barney: I don't know. Was it?"
12599,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Lily Oh, my God!"
12600,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Barney: Happy wedding."
12601,42,2,20,"Bob: Barney, you won that camcorder in just one second! That is impressive. I mean impressive."
12602,42,2,20,"Barney: Thank you, Bob."
12603,42,2,20,"Bob: Now, to win the computer, you're going to have to bid again, and again I will say higher or lower. And let's show the audience the price of the computer, and audience, please, do not try to help us. And the clock will start with your first bid."
12604,42,2,20,Barney: $1 billion.
12605,42,2,20,Bob: Lower.
12606,42,2,20,"Barney: So, I brought some photos that I thought you might like to see. This is me on my first birthday."
12607,42,2,20,"Bob: Yes, Barney. This is..."
12608,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Ted: What are you doing?"
12609,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Barney: Uh, spending some quality time with my dad."
12610,42,2,20,"Bob: That's very nice, but look, the clock is moving. You have only about 16 seconds. Keep bidding."
12611,42,2,20,"Barney: No, no, I want you to see this. This is great."
12612,42,2,20,Bob: Keep bidding.
12613,42,2,20,"Barney. This is me at my graduation. I know, the hair."
12614,42,2,20,"Bob: That, no, that's nice. That's nice. You have only five, four, three, two, one..."
12615,42,2,20,Barney: $999.
12616,42,2,20,"Bob: Nine... Barney, you got it exactly right!"
12617,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Barney: Happy wedding again!"
12618,42,2,20,"At the apartement, Lily: Oh, my..."
12619,42,2,20,"Barney: I have to be honest, Bob. The big wheel is the only weak part of my game."
12620,42,2,20,"Bob: I'm sure you'll do just fine, son."
12621,42,2,20,"Barney: Did you just... I'm ready, Bob."
12622,42,2,20,"Bob: Do it! Do it! Here we go! He's looking for the dollar. It's going around, and around..."
12623,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Ted: Oh, no, you spun it too hard."
12624,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Robin: No, he didn't spin it hard enough."
12625,42,2,20,"Bob: Here it comes, Barney. You got it! You won... But Barney... Barney, you're not through. You've won $1,000. You've won a place in the showcase. You are doing splendidly so far."
12626,42,2,20,"Barney: Thank you, would you, would you say you're proud of me?"
12627,42,2,20,Bob: Sure.
12628,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Ted: That was kind of a weird moment."
12629,42,2,20,"Bob: Very well, Barney, you have seen the first showcase. Do you want to bid on it or do you want to pass it to Millie?"
12630,42,2,20,"Barney: Please, no car and an above-ground spa? Pass."
12631,42,2,20,"Bob: Millie, he has passed this showcase to you. What do you bid on it?"
12632,42,2,20,"Millie: $17,640."
12633,42,2,20,"Bob: $17,640."
12634,42,2,20,Barney: Overbid!
12635,42,2,20,"Bob: Now, let's see Showcase #2. Barney, your showcase begins with a mystery."
12636,42,2,20,"Barney: Oh, I love this."
12637,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Robin: I can't believe how excited I am right now"
12638,42,2,20,"Bob: Barney, you have seen your showcase. What do you bid on it?"
12639,42,2,20,"Barney: Please, please. Please. Let me. 1-8-4-2-1."
12640,42,2,20,"At the apartment, Marshall: I don't even know what we're going to do with a dune buggy, but I want it!"
12641,42,2,20,Bob: And the actual retail price of your showcase is...
12642,42,2,20,"Barney: $14,628."
12643,42,2,20,"Bob: $14,628. Millie, you are over. Too bad. Barney, you bid $18,421 on your showcase. And the actual retail price of Barney's showcase is... $18,421 exactly right! You win both showcases, Barney. Bob Barker, reminding you, help control the pet..."
12644,42,2,20,"Barney: Before, before we wrap up the show, there's just something I want to say to you.... Congratulations on 35 wonderful years hosting The Price Is Right."
12645,42,2,20,"Bob: Well, thank you, Barney. Thank you..."
12646,42,2,20,Barney: Have your pets spayed or neutered.
12647,42,2,20,Ted: Why didn't you tell him?
12648,42,2,20,"Barney: Well, it's just... If you lived your whole life thinking one thing, it would be pretty devastating to find out that wasn't true. I just don't think Bob could have handled it."
12649,42,2,20,Ted: Bob. Yeah. Probably a good choice.
12650,42,2,20,"Barney: Anyway, on the bright side. Happy wedding again!"
12651,42,2,20,Ted (2030): And that's the story of how Uncle Barney gave Lily and Marshall a dune buggy for their wedding.
12652,42,2,20,Marshall's recording the good night tape for Lily.
12653,42,2,20,"Marshall: Um, I thought since we're going to be apart for two whole weeks, I would sing you your night-night song. Night-night, Lily Night-night, Lily It's time to go to bed, oh, my silly, little Lily Time to rest your little head Sha-la-la-la-la Sha-la-la-la-la Come on, Ted."
12654,42,2,20,"Ted: No, it's weird."
12655,42,2,20,Marshall: You promised.
12656,43,2,21,"Ted (2030): In May of 2007, Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall got married at the historic Van Smoot House in upstate New York."
12657,43,2,21,Lily and Robin enter in a house...
12658,43,2,21,"Robin: Wow, it's beautiful, Lily."
12659,43,2,21,Lily: Yeah. It's just how I always pictured it.
12660,43,2,21,"Ted (2030)Well, that was a load of crap. You see, kids, when you get married, you learn a hard lesson. The wedding you set out to have is almost never the wedding you end up with."
12661,43,2,21,"At the bar, 8 months before the wedding..."
12662,43,2,21,"Lily: So, we've decided on a small, outdoor wedding, just family and close friends. No more than 25 people in a beautiful garden somewhere, maybe an acoustic guitar playing while we walk down the aisle."
12663,43,2,21,Barney: And maybe you already know someone who went down to the courthouse and registered as an officiant so that he or she-- he-- could perform the ceremony.
12664,43,2,21,Robin: But you hate marriage. Why do you want to perform the ceremony?
12665,43,2,21,"Barney: Because it subtly implants in the mind of every woman there that when I ask a question, you say, ""I do."" Yeah."
12666,43,2,21,"Ted (2030): The closer you get to the big day, the more concessions you make."
12667,43,2,21,"At the apartment, 6 months before the wedding..."
12668,43,2,21,Lily: Great. Now my mom's making me invite the Lessners. This puts our numbers in the triple digits.
12669,43,2,21,"Robin: Wow. I guess sometimes, Lessner is more... ner. You know how like sometimes less is more."
12670,43,2,21,"Ted: Yeah. This is one of those times, sweetie?"
12671,43,2,21,Marshall: You know what? That's okay. It'll be a slightly big outdoor wedding.
12672,43,2,21,"At the bar, 5 months before the wedding..."
12673,43,2,21,"Lily: So it's not going to be an outdoor wedding anymore. Marshall's dad is convinced if we have an outdoor wedding in New York, he's going to get mugged, so it's going to be inside now. It'll be great. We're still going to have our acoustic guitar player."
12674,43,2,21,"At the apartment, 3 months before the wedding..."
12675,43,2,21,"Lily: So now, instead of an acoustic guitar, we're having a harp player. Yeah. My dad owes a guy, and... that guy's daughter plays the harp."
12676,43,2,21,"Barney: Is she hot? I'd love to be able to cross ""harp player"" off my list."
12677,43,2,21,Marshall: How long is this list?
12678,43,2,21,"Barney: Dude, I'm not gonna count how many pages the list is. I'm not crass."
12679,43,2,21,"Lily: Well, it doesn't matter anyway. She's pregnant."
12680,43,2,21,Barney: Sweet! I can cross off two things.
12681,43,2,21,CREDITS
12682,43,2,21,Ted (2030): And the day arrives for Lily and Marshall's very big indoor wedding... with a harp.
12683,43,2,21,1 hour and 42 minutes before the wedding...
12684,43,2,21,"Andrea: Hi, Lily."
12685,43,2,21,Lily: Wow. Andrea. You really are pregnant.
12686,43,2,21,Andrea: Yeah.
12687,43,2,21,Robin: How do you play the harp with your belly so...?
12688,43,2,21,"Andrea: Oh, I don't really-- I can only reach about half the strings."
12689,43,2,21,Robin: You only play half the harp?
12690,43,2,21,Andrea: Yeah.
12691,43,2,21,"Robin: Oh, no. Uh, okay. Lily, I will take care of this. Um, I'll just pluck the other half. Is it hard to learn?"
12692,43,2,21,Andrea: I've been studying the harp for 12 years.
12693,43,2,21,"Robin: Yeah, but I'm a fast learner. You ever hear of ""Guitar Hero""? Learned that in a day. Is there a ""Harp Hero""?"
12694,43,2,21,"Lily: Robin, it's fine. So, so, when are you due?"
12695,43,2,21,Andrea: Tuesday.
12696,43,2,21,"Lily: Wow, that's soon."
12697,43,2,21,Andrea: Last Tuesday.
12698,43,2,21,1 hour and 38 minutes before the wedding...
12699,43,2,21,"Robin: Holy crap, we have to fire her. She's gonna drop a shorty in the middle of your ceremony."
12700,43,2,21,"Lily: Robin, I'm not going to freak myself out. I hate those women who say, ""Oh, my wedding has to be perfect."" Things go wrong. Sometimes the deejay screws up your playlist. Sometimes you slip on placenta during the recessional."
12701,43,2,21,Barney arrives at the bar of the wedding...
12702,43,2,21,Barney: Can I grab a scotch and soda real quick?
12703,43,2,21,Barman: No. I'm not allowed to serve anything until the reception.
12704,43,2,21,"Barney: Wow. You just cost yourself a big tip, buddy."
12705,43,2,21,"Barman: I'm not allowed to accept tips, buddy."
12706,43,2,21,"Barney: You allowed to accept criticism? You, sir, are an ass... buddy."
12707,43,2,21,In Lily's room...
12708,43,2,21,"Barney: Hey, you want to know what line doesn't work on a harp player? ""Hey, baby, want to pluck?"""
12709,43,2,21,Robin: Really? That didn't work.
12710,43,2,21,Barney: Not even a little. Hey! Who's Bill?
12711,43,2,21,Lily: Bill?
12712,43,2,21,Barney: Yeah. This guy came up to me at the bar.
12713,43,2,21,Flashback.
12714,43,2,21,Bill: Can I ask you something? Where in the ceremony is the place where they ask if anyone objects?
12715,43,2,21,Barney: Uh... Don't think they do that anymore.
12716,43,2,21,"Bill: Oh, so when do you think someone should do it? Just wait for a lull or what?"
12717,43,2,21,End of flasback.
12718,43,2,21,"Lily: Oh, no. Did he look like a guy who tried to be an umpire but failed?"
12719,43,2,21,Barney: He kind of did.
12720,43,2,21,Lily: That's Scooter.
12721,43,2,21,"Robin: Your high school boyfriend, Scooter?"
12722,43,2,21,Lily: His real name is Bill. My mom must have invited him.
12723,43,2,21,Robin: Why? Why would she do that?
12724,43,2,21,"Lily: Our families are really close. But my ex-boyfriend? Come on, Mom. I didn't invite that professional squash player Dad busted you with. Oh, I need a glass of wine."
12725,43,2,21,Barney: I'll get it.
12726,43,2,21,"Lily: Oh, thanks. Hey, how's Marshall doing?"
12727,43,2,21,Barney: He's great. He's about to get his hair cut.
12728,43,2,21,Lily: Oh. I'm worried my cousin's going to cut it too short.
12729,43,2,21,"Barney: Me, too. I was up all night."
12730,43,2,21,Barney leaves the room when Scooter comes in...
12731,43,2,21,"Scooter: Hello, Lily."
12732,43,2,21,"Barney: Hey, Bill."
12733,43,2,21,"Scooter: Hey, Barney."
12734,43,2,21,"Lily: Scooter, what are you doing here?"
12735,43,2,21,"Scooter: It's not ""Scooter"" anymore. It's Bill. A lot of things have changed about me, Lily, but one hasn't. I still love you. And I came here to win you back."
12736,43,2,21,"Lily: You're really cute. Oh, no. Really?"
12737,43,2,21,"Scooter. Lily, I-I know it's crazy, but I love you, and if you can look me in the eye and tell me that you want to marry Marshall, I will leave right now and be out of your life forever."
12738,43,2,21,Lily: I want... I want... Scooter!
12739,43,2,21,Barney's back a the bar...
12740,43,2,21,Barney: I need a glass of wine.
12741,43,2,21,Barman: And I need you to get out of my face.
12742,43,2,21,"Barney: It's for the bride, so..."
12743,43,2,21,BarmanWhite or red?
12744,43,2,21,"Barney: White. And, uh... she'd also like a scotch and soda."
12745,43,2,21,Barman: You got it.
12746,43,2,21,Barney: She'd also like a bowl of smoked almonds.
12747,43,2,21,"Barman: I don't have any, but I guess I could run out to the corner and get some."
12748,43,2,21,"Barney: Well, it's only the biggest day of her life, so...The barman leaves... Let the games begin."
12749,43,2,21,47 minutes before the wedding...
12750,43,2,21,Barney: Here. Can't stay. Got to try something.
12751,43,2,21,"Scooter: Maybe my words won't change your mind, but maybe the words of a poet will. I read from ""November Rain."" By W. Axl Rose."
12752,43,2,21,Robin: That is a good song.
12753,43,2,21,Brad: Barney said you needed me to bounce some guy named Scooter?
12754,43,2,21,Scooter runs out...
12755,43,2,21,Brad: What's up with Bill?
12756,43,2,21,Robin: That's Scooter.
12757,43,2,21,Brad: I'm on it.
12758,43,2,21,People start to sit in the wedding place...
12759,43,2,21,Barney: Hey.
12760,43,2,21,Woman: Hey.
12761,43,2,21,Barney: Can I have your phone number?
12762,43,2,21,Woman: No.
12763,43,2,21,Barney: It's for the bride.
12764,43,2,21,Woman: Oh. Hold on. Let me go get a pen.
12765,43,2,21,Barney: The bride wants you to walk slower.
12766,43,2,21,"40 minutes before the wedding, in Lily's wearing her dress..."
12767,43,2,21,"Robin: Oh, wow."
12768,43,2,21,"Lily: Oh. Robin... My makeup looks perfect right now, and I'm about to cry. Do something."
12769,43,2,21,Robin: I have hairy nipples.
12770,43,2,21,Lily: Really?
12771,43,2,21,"Robin: No, but it worked, didn't it?"
12772,43,2,21,"Brad: Hey. Funny story. I tackled this guy I thought was Scooter. Turns out it was your photographer. Don't worry. I got this sweet camera phone, so we're covered."
12773,43,2,21,"Robin: There's a photographer? Oh, my God. Okay, I just have to call..."
12774,43,2,21,"Lily: Robin, stop. Stop. It's okay. I am not gonna let anything get to me today."
12775,43,2,21,33 minutes before the wedding...
12776,43,2,21,Woman: I just got a call from the florist. The flowers won't be here till halfway through the ceremony.
12777,43,2,21,Lily: I'm okay.
12778,43,2,21,28 minutes before the wedding...
12779,43,2,21,"Man: I hate to bother you, but... I think I found your veil in the parking lot."
12780,43,2,21,Lily: I'm fine.
12781,43,2,21,24 minutes before the wedding...
12782,43,2,21,Andrea: Just FYI: my water broke. But I can probably......make it through.
12783,43,2,21,Lily: Totally cool.
12784,43,2,21,"Robin: Oh, no. Lily, I think I forgot your bridal panties. I-I thought I had them. I'm so sorry."
12785,43,2,21,"Lily: Oh, it's okay, I'll just wear the ones I have on."
12786,43,2,21,Robin: Are you sure?
12787,43,2,21,"Lily: I'm marrying Marshall today. So it doesn't even matter that I'm gonna walk down the aisle without a veil in a room that has no flowers to the music of half a harp played by a woman who's crowning, as my high school boyfriend reads Guns N' Roses lyrics. But that's okay, because there's no photographer there to take any pictures of it anyway."
12788,43,2,21,"Robin: Lily, are you okay?"
12789,43,2,21,Lily: What do you think?! Of course I'm not okay! Everything that could possibly go wrong at my wedding has! It's ruined!
12790,43,2,21,"Robin: What happened to ""I don't want a perfect wedding""?"
12791,43,2,21,"Lily: Oh, grow up, Robin! Of course I want a perfect wedding! Oh, God. I wanted... I wanted not to care about the wedding, but... I do. I... I'm supposed to feel like a princess today."
12792,43,2,21,"Robin: And you will. It's gonna be okay, sweetie. Why don't we go outside? I have something that'll make you feel better."
12793,43,2,21,"Lily: What could you have that could possibly make me feel better? God, I hope Marshall's having a better day than I'm having."
12794,43,2,21,Marshall enters in a room with something to hide his hair...
12795,43,2,21,"Marshall: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!"
12796,43,2,21,Ted: What?
12797,43,2,21,Marshall shows his hair and he has blond drills.
12798,43,2,21,"Barney: Well, it's not too short."
12799,43,2,21,Marshall: My hair! Look at my hair! She ruined my hair! I look like one of the Backstreet Boys!
12800,43,2,21,"Barney: You totally do. And not even the good Backstreet Boys, the older, lame dance move, comeback tour Backstreet Boys."
12801,43,2,21,Ted: The good Backstreet Boys?
12802,43,2,21,Marshall: Guys! Guys! What am I gonna do?!
12803,43,2,21,Ted: What-what the hell happened to you?
12804,43,2,21,"Marshall: Lily's cousin is in beauty school, and Lily didn't want her to do her hair, so she said she could do mine."
12805,43,2,21,Flashback. Marshall's with Lily's cousin...
12806,43,2,21,"Marshall: So, um, just not-not too short, okay?"
12807,43,2,21,"Cousin: Oh, no, we don't even have to cut it at all. Could just give it some style."
12808,43,2,21,"Marshall: Oh, okay, yeah, that's great. 'Cause, um, when it gets too short, it starts to look weird. And I don't want to look weird when I'm up there, you know."
12809,43,2,21,"Cousin: Ooh, I could give you some cool guy tips."
12810,43,2,21,"Marshall: I don't think I need advice on how to be cool, but yeah, great, lay that on me."
12811,43,2,21,End of flashback.
12812,43,2,21,Marshall: I can't get married like this! There's no way!
12813,43,2,21,"Barney: Ah, let me see what I can do."
12814,43,2,21,Ted: What? What can you do?
12815,43,2,21,Barney: I have a superpower.
12816,43,2,21,Marshall: Lily is gonna kill me! Look at me! She's not gonna want to marry me like this.
12817,43,2,21,Ted: That's crazy. Of course she will.
12818,43,2,21,Marshall: Would you marry me?
12819,43,2,21,Ted: No. But not because of the hair. It's because I have a rule: never marry anyone you've had a farting contest with.
12820,43,2,21,"Marshall: Oh, great. So now you're saying Lily and I shouldn't even get married?"
12821,43,2,21,
12822,43,2,21,In the wedding room...
12823,43,2,21,"Barney: Could I have everyone's attention, please? It's for the bride. One, the bride would... like all of this tension out of my shoulders. And she would like, let's say, you in the inappropriatel short dress to rub them. Two... What was two?"
12824,43,2,21,In Marshall's room...
12825,43,2,21,"Ted: Okay, we have a bit of a situation. Let's not panic. Let's just find a solution."
12826,43,2,21,"Marshall takes a razor and shaves the middle of his hair... Dude, you shaved your freakin' head."
12827,43,2,21,"Marshall: Yeah, yeah, but it's good. I ought to shave it all off. What a great solution. Just be bald 'cause it's cool, right? Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan, Britney Spears... Oh, God, what did I do?! How could you let me shave my head?!"
12828,43,2,21,Ted: What?!
12829,43,2,21,Marshall: You're the worst best man ever! I hate you! I'm not going out there! I'm leaving and I'm never coming back.I'm gonna go find that money under the rock by the tree and go live with the guys on the beach in Zihautanejo.
12830,43,2,21,"Ted: Dude, those guys are criminals."
12831,43,2,21,"Marshall: Only Red Andy was falsely accused. Ted, you're my best man! You got to do something!"
12832,43,2,21,"Ted: Okay, all right, come here. Just breathe, breathe, all right? Don't worry. Don't worry. I'll just... I'll take these."
12833,43,2,21,Marshall: No!
12834,43,2,21,Ted's in the wedding room...
12835,43,2,21,"Ted: Uh, hi. Uncle Ben, right?"
12836,43,2,21,Ben: Yes.
12837,43,2,21,"Ted: Yes, we're, we're having a little bit of a problem back there. Um, and I was wondering if you could help us out."
12838,43,2,21,Ben: Yeah.
12839,43,2,21,Ted: Marshall accidentally shaved part of his head.
12840,43,2,21,"Ben: Oh, no!"
12841,43,2,21,"Ted: Yeah. Yeah, so here's what I was thinking. What if I found something to cover up the bald area?"
12842,43,2,21,"Ben: Yeah, that would probably work, but with what? That's a tough one."
12843,43,2,21,"Ted: Maybe a wig of some sort or a, um... toupee. Something that matches"
12844,43,2,21,"his hair color, which is, which is kind of the same color as the top of your hair."
12845,43,2,21,"Ben: Mm, yeah. Does anyone here wear a toupee? (Ben's wearing a toupee) Shouldn't be hard to find out. Most of them are pretty bad."
12846,43,2,21,Ted: That is true. That is true. We just need to find someone who wears a toupee that is the same color as Marshall's and your hair.
12847,43,2,21,"Ben: Boy, that's a pretty tall order."
12848,43,2,21,Ted: Really? You can't think of any place in the general area where there might be a toupee of the kind I'm describing to you?
12849,43,2,21,"Ben: No, not off the top of my... No. Can't."
12850,43,2,21,Ted: Let me come at this from a different angle. I got $50 in my pocket which is probably a lot more... Barney comes and takes the toupee.
12851,43,2,21,Barney: The bride needs this.
12852,43,2,21,"13 minutes before the wedding, Marshall's wearing the toupee."
12853,43,2,21,"Marshall: Actually, I think it kinda works."
12854,43,2,21,Ted: It totally does.
12855,43,2,21,Marshall: Barney?
12856,43,2,21,"Barney: To be honest, I'm, uh, I'm jealous I don't get to wear it."
12857,43,2,21,"Marshall: Okay, problem solved. Crisis averted. Let's get me married. It looks terrible, doesn't it?"
12858,43,2,21,"Ted: It kinda looks like fur, which gives you the appearance of a cleaned-up Bigfoot."
12859,43,2,21,"Marshall: Oh, you know..."
12860,43,2,21,Ted: In a bad way.
12861,43,2,21,"Brad: Hey. Cool hair, bro."
12862,43,2,21,Ted: What happened to your shirt?
12863,43,2,21,Brad: I got sauce on it when I tackled the caterer.
12864,43,2,21,Ted: You gonna put another shirt on?
12865,43,2,21,"Brad: No, I'm good. Hey, you guys seen Scooter?"
12866,43,2,21,Marshall: What? What? Scooter's here? That guy's at my wedding?
12867,43,2,21,"Brad: Not for long, bro. Not for long."
12868,43,2,21,"Marshall: Okay, you know what? I need some air. I think we should go for a walk, okay?"
12869,43,2,21,In the park...
12870,43,2,21,Barney: It would cover up the problem. It's festive and it celebrates the heritage of this great nation.
12871,43,2,21,"Ted: Okay, unless you actually have one in your car, stop suggesting authentic Native American headdress."
12872,43,2,21,"Marshall: Oh, no."
12873,43,2,21,"Lily: Oh, my God! Marshall..."
12874,43,2,21,"Marshall: Lily, you're not supposed to see me."
12875,43,2,21,"Robin: Holy crap, I don't think anyone's supposed to see you."
12876,43,2,21,Lily: What happened? Did Amy do this to you?
12877,43,2,21,"Marshall: Just the frosted tips. I did the rest. I'm sorry, baby. I've ruined the whole wedding, haven't I?"
12878,43,2,21,"Lily: Oh, no, you didn't ruin the wedding, sweetie. It was already ruined. There's no flowers, no photographer. Oh, and Scooter's here, by the way."
12879,43,2,21,"Marshall: Yeah, I know. I heard."
12880,43,2,21,"Lily: My veil got thrashed, the harp player is in labor, and I'm not wearing my wedding underwear."
12881,43,2,21,"Marshall: What? No ""Property of Marshall"" across the back? How are people going to know whose butt that is?"
12882,43,2,21,"Lily: What happened? Remember the wedding we wanted, the intimate outdoor ceremony?"
12883,43,2,21,Marshall: I wish we could have that wedding.
12884,43,2,21,Ted: So do it.
12885,43,2,21,Marshall: What?
12886,43,2,21,"Ted: Get married now. Right here. Look, it's outside like you always wanted. Intimate, close friends. There's no guitar, but it's pretty close. Barney can officiate."
12887,43,2,21,"Barney: Yes. Yes, I can. Uh, excuse me, guys. You all dropped something: your jaws-- because Barney Stinson is about to aid and abet a marriage."
12888,43,2,21,"Marshall: Could we even do that? I mean, what about all those people in there?"
12889,43,2,21,"Robin: Do that one, too. And then when everything goes wrong, you won't care because you already had the real wedding out here."
12890,43,2,21,"Marshall: What do you think, baby?"
12891,43,2,21,Lily: I love it.
12892,43,2,21,"Marshall: Me, too. Let's do it. Let's get married before we get married."
12893,43,2,21,"Lily: Great. Wait, hold on. Excuse me, sir. Could we borrow your hat?"
12894,43,2,21,Man: Okay.
12895,43,2,21,Lily: Thank you.
12896,43,2,21,Lily takes the hat and gives it to Marshall.
12897,43,2,21,Marshall: Hat. We thought of authentic Native American headdress before we thought of hat.
12898,43,2,21,"Barney: Thank you all for coming. For those of you who don't know me... I'm not the biggest believer in marriage. But... you two are so great together, you know? It's like you were, uh, made for each other."
12899,43,2,21,Robin: He's gonna cry.
12900,43,2,21,"Barney: No, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. Lily and Marshall... when everyone sees you, they... see true love. It's the best love... Can we just, um, move on to the rings or something?"
12901,43,2,21,"Marshall: Oh, no. I don't have my vows."
12902,43,2,21,Lily: I don't have mine either.
12903,43,2,21,Ted: You don't need your vows. Just say why you love each other.
12904,43,2,21,"Marshall: Okay, I'll go first. Lily, there are a million reasons why I love you. You make me laugh and you take care of me when I'm sick. You're sweet, caring and you even created an egg dish and named it after me. She puts a little Italian dressing in scrambled eggs before she cooks them. It's called ""Eggs Marshall,"" and it's awesome. But the main reason that I love you is that you're my best friend, Lily. You're, uh... you're the best friend I ever had. I'm sorry, buddy."
12905,43,2,21,Ted: No problem.
12906,43,2,21,Barney: It's totally okay.
12907,43,2,21,"Lily: My turn. Oh, thank you. Marshall, I love you because you're funny and you make me feel loved and you make me feel safe and for our anniversary you gave me a sweatshirt that says, ""Lily and Marshall. Rockin' It Since '96."" I kinda wish I was wearing it right now 'cause it smells like you. But the main reason I love you, Marshall Ericksen, is you make me happy. You make me happy all the time."
12908,43,2,21,"Robin: Hey, I found your panties!"
12909,43,2,21,Lily: I'm good.
12910,43,2,21,"Barney: Marshall, do you take Lily to be your wife to have and to hold from this day forward?"
12911,43,2,21,Lily: Slow down.
12912,43,2,21,Barney: I can't From this day forward so as long as you both shall live?
12913,43,2,21,Marshall: I do.
12914,43,2,21,"Barney: Lily, do you promise to take Marshall to be your husband to have and to hold... live?"
12915,43,2,21,Lily: I do.
12916,43,2,21,"Barney: Okay, then, by the power invested in me by the very bitter old Pakistani man who works down at the courthouse on Lafayette Street, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."
12917,43,2,21,They kiss
12918,43,2,21,Marshall: Did you smoke?
12919,43,2,21,Lily: No.
12920,43,2,21,Robin: Wow. First lie of marriage. That was fast.
12921,43,2,21,"Ted (2030): After that, we all went back inside for the second wedding. And yes, a lot of things did go wrong, but it didn't matter because when I look back on that day, what I remember is the first wedding; the intimate outdoor ceremony with just close friends and an acoustic guitar."
12922,43,2,21,In a room...
12923,43,2,21,Marshall: How do you feel?
12924,43,2,21,Lily: Tired. I got married twice today.
12925,43,2,21,"Marshall: So where do you want to do it for the first time as a married couple, nice hotel room or a reception hall bathroom?"
12926,43,2,21,"Lily: What do you think? Bathroom, of course."
12927,43,2,21,In the bathroom...
12928,43,2,21,Ted: Please don't.
12929,44,2,22,"Man: Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever Mr. and Marshall Eriksen and Lily Aldrin."
12930,44,2,22,Lily: Does it make you kind of sad that we don't share the same last name?
12931,44,2,22,"Marshall: You know, in a totally evolved 21st-century kind of way yeah, a little."
12932,44,2,22,Lily: You know what we should do? We should come up with a whole new last name.
12933,44,2,22,"Marshall: Oh, that's easy-- Lily and Marshall Skywalker."
12934,44,2,22,Lily: Lily and Marshall Hasselhoff.
12935,44,2,22,Marshall: I got it. You ready? You ready?
12936,44,2,22,Lily: Yeah.
12937,44,2,22,"Marshall: Lily and Marshall Awesome. Have you met the Awesomes? Marshall, Lily, their son, Totally and their daughter, Freakin'?"
12938,44,2,22,"Lily: I love you, Mr. Awesome."
12939,44,2,22,"Marshall: I love you, Mrs. Awesome."
12940,44,2,22,They kiss... Robin and Ted dancing...
12941,44,2,22,Ted: So...
12942,44,2,22,Robin: So...
12943,44,2,22,Ted: Wedding's over.
12944,44,2,22,"Robin: Yes, it is."
12945,44,2,22,"Ted: I guess starting tomorrow, we can tell people."
12946,44,2,22,Barney: Tell people what?
12947,44,2,22,"Robin: Hi, Barney."
12948,44,2,22,Barney: Tell people what?
12949,44,2,22,"Ted: The food looks delicious, doesn't it?"
12950,44,2,22,Barney: Tell people what?
12951,44,2,22,Robin: Nothing.
12952,44,2,22,"Barney: Oh, okay. Tell people what?"
12953,44,2,22,Ted: Can we talk about this later?
12954,44,2,22,Barney: Absolutely. Tell people what?
12955,44,2,22,Robin: Hi. Have you met Barney?
12956,44,2,22,"Barney: Hey. Barney Stinson. Lovely dress. I know, I'm sick of these things, too. It's like the same wedding over and over again. You're totally right. You want to dance? Great, see you out there. Tell people what?"
12957,44,2,22,"Ted: Look, this is just not something we want to talk about right now, okay, Barney?"
12958,44,2,22,Barney: Okay. (Barney leaves)
12959,44,2,22,"Ted: Whoo, that was a close one."
12960,44,2,22,Robin: Think he'll actually let it go?
12961,44,2,22,Barney(with a microphone) Tell people what? Tell people what? Tell people what? Tell people what? Tell people... (A man tells him something) There's a black Nissan Stanza in the parking lot with it's lights on. Tell people what? Tell people what?
12962,44,2,22,CREDITS
12963,44,2,22,Ted and Robin are at the bar of the wedding...
12964,44,2,22,Robin: Can I get a water please?
12965,44,2,22,Barney: Tell people what?
12966,44,2,22,"Robin: Oh, God! Okay. Look, we have some... news."
12967,44,2,22,Ted: But we don't want to draw attention away from Lily and Marshall's big day.
12968,44,2,22,Robin: So just forget about it until they leave for the honeymoon.
12969,44,2,22,Barney: Fine.
12970,44,2,22,"Ted: It's pretty big, though."
12971,44,2,22,"Barney: Oh, my God, just tell me!"
12972,44,2,22,"Lily: Oh, help us."
12973,44,2,22,Robin: What's wrong?
12974,44,2,22,"Lily: We're starving. We planned this amazing meal with the caterers, and we haven't had a bite of it."
12975,44,2,22,"Marshall: Every time we get near the food, we get cocktail weiner blocked. We haven't eaten all day."
12976,44,2,22,"Robin: All right, let's run some interference."
12977,44,2,22,"Ted: Yeah, we'll get you back to your table. Come on."
12978,44,2,22,"Lily's grandma: Oh, there you are. My dear, you look so beautiful."
12979,44,2,22,"Lily: Thanks, Grammie, but we really need to..."
12980,44,2,22,Lily's grandma: And you... you look like a 1940s movie star.
12981,44,2,22,Marshall: And you look like a pepper-crusted rack of lamb with mint jelly.
12982,44,2,22,"Robin: All right, let's get these two back to their table."
12983,44,2,22,"Lily's grandma: We will see you on the floor for the conga line later, won't we?"
12984,44,2,22,Ted(2030): The answer to that one was decided weeks earlier.
12985,44,2,22,Flashback. At Ted's apartment.
12986,44,2,22,Robin: Conga line.
12987,44,2,22,"Lily: Oh, yes, definitely."
12988,44,2,22,"Ted: How about a slide show of you guys through the years set to Green Day's ""Time of Your Life"" and ending with your baby photos side by side."
12989,44,2,22,"Lily: Oh, that's great. Going on the list."
12990,44,2,22,Barney: What list?
12991,44,2,22,Lily: Horrible wedding clichées we're not going to touch with a ten-foot limbo pole.
12992,44,2,22,"Barney: Oh, like First Corinthians? That Bible verse? They do that at every wedding."
12993,44,2,22,Robin: How's it go?
12994,44,2,22,"Marshall: ""Love is patient and kind. ""Love does not envy or boast. ""It is not arrogant or rude. ""Love does not insist on it's own way. ""It is not irritable or resentful. ""Love bears all things, ""believes all things, ""hopes all things... ""endures all things."""
12995,44,2,22,Robin: Lame.
12996,44,2,22,Lily: Going on the list.
12997,44,2,22,End of flashack. Back to the wedding.
12998,44,2,22,Lily: We've done it. A wedding with zero clichées.
12999,44,2,22,"Ted: Wait, isn't doing it in the reception hall bathroom kind of a clichée?"
13000,44,2,22,"Lily: Well, okay, one clichée."
13001,44,2,22,"Marshall: Well, technically two."
13002,44,2,22,Lily: No! They cleared our plates again!
13003,44,2,22,"Marshall: Pepper-crusted rack of lamb, where did you go? It's my wedding night. I was supposed to have my way with you."
13004,44,2,22,"Lily: Well, you still have me."
13005,44,2,22,Marshall: Yeah...
13006,44,2,22,"Barney: Anyway, guys, we're kind of in the middle of something, so if you could go bicker or share a tense, sexless silence or whatever married people do somewhere else, that'd be great."
13007,44,2,22,"Lily: No, Barney, this is my wedding, and I will sit wherever I damn well..."
13008,44,2,22,Barney: Are those mini quiches? (Marshall and Lily run) Tell the secret.
13009,44,2,22,"Ted: Okay, uh... it was our anniversary, so we went to this restaurant Carmichael's, which is where we went on our first date. Remember, the place where I stole the blue French horn for Robin?"
13010,44,2,22,"Barney: Oh, right, that was you. I knew that was somebody I knew."
13011,44,2,22,"Ted: What? Dude, you were there. That was like a big iconic moment in all of our lives."
13012,44,2,22,Barney: Maybe in your life-- I got a lot of stuff going on.
13013,44,2,22,"Robin: Okay, so we're sitting there and the waiter comes over..."
13014,44,2,22,Flashback. At the restaurant...
13015,44,2,22,Waiter: Champagne?
13016,44,2,22,"Robin: Um, we didn't order champagne."
13017,44,2,22,Waiter: Compliments of the house.
13018,44,2,22,Ted: Wow. Thanks. Cheers.
13019,44,2,22,"Robin (voive over): And there, sitting at the bottom of my champagne glass is..."
13020,44,2,22,End of flashback. At the wedding...
13021,44,2,22,Lily: Mini quiche. You're a mega-douche.
13022,44,2,22,"Barney: Oh, that's right, they moved that table back toward the kitchen, because that's where they're setting up a surprise chocolate fountain. Oh, no, I gave it away.(Lily and Marshall leave) So what was in the glass?"
13023,44,2,22,"Ted: Right. So the waiter comes up with two glasses of Dom. He says, ""Champagne?"" ""We didn't order any champagne."" ""Compliments of the house."" ""Wow."""
13024,44,2,22,Barney: You said that already!
13025,44,2,22,Flashback. At the restaurant...
13026,44,2,22,"Ted (voice over): Right. So Robin looks down, and there at the bottom of her glass..."
13027,44,2,22,Robin: Is an engagement ring.
13028,44,2,22,End of Flashback.
13029,44,2,22,Man( with a camera): Anything you want to say to the bride and groom?
13030,44,2,22,Barney: Don't get married.
13031,44,2,22,Man: Why don't I come back.
13032,44,2,22,"Barney: An engagement ring?No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Ted, you cannot do"
13033,44,2,22,"this to me. No. No, no, no!"
13034,44,2,22,Ted: That's what she said.
13035,44,2,22,Flashback.
13036,44,2,22,No.
13037,44,2,22,"Robin: No, no, no, no, no. Ted, you cannot do this to me. No. No, no, no."
13038,44,2,22,Ted: What are you talking about?
13039,44,2,22,"Robin: This. This is what I'm talking about. What is this doing in my champagne? Oh, God, listen... I just got to get out of here."
13040,44,2,22,Ted: That's not mine.
13041,44,2,22,Robin: What?
13042,44,2,22,Ted: That's not mine.
13043,44,2,22,Robin: Then whose is it?
13044,44,2,22,Man: It's mine. Janna... will you marry me?
13045,44,2,22,Janna: Yes.
13046,44,2,22,Robin: Wow. That was hilarious. I was like... what? Anyway.
13047,44,2,22,Ted: What the hell was that?
13048,44,2,22,Robin: What the hell was what?
13049,44,2,22,Ted: That reaction?
13050,44,2,22,Robin: I thought you were proposing to me.
13051,44,2,22,Ted: Really? Because it sounded like you thought I was trying to set you on fire.
13052,44,2,22,"Robin: Ted, you know how I feel about marriage."
13053,44,2,22,Ted: Now more than ever.
13054,44,2,22,"Robin: I'm sorry, were you planning on proposing tonight?"
13055,44,2,22,Ted: No.
13056,44,2,22,Robin: Then why is this an issue?
13057,44,2,22,"Ted: Because even though you don't want to get married, I'd like to think the fact that we've been together for a year, and that we love each other might get me a gentler reaction than, ""No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. ""Ted, you cannot do this to me. ""No. No, no, no."""
13058,44,2,22,"Robin: Okay, you're right, I just... freaked out. I don't know why. I'm sorry. Can we please just let it go?"
13059,44,2,22,Ted: No.
13060,44,2,22,End of flashback.
13061,44,2,22,"Marshall: Hey, Stinson. Never lie to a man about a chocolate fountain."
13062,44,2,22,Robin: So did you guys find anything to eat?
13063,44,2,22,Lily: I had four strawberries.
13064,44,2,22,Ted: Was there a side of champagne with each of the strawberries?
13065,44,2,22,Lily (burping): Yes.
13066,44,2,22,"Marshall: Lily, you could have burped or said the word ""Yes,"" but the fact that you did both is exactly why I married you."
13067,44,2,22,"Lily: Oh, look, more strawberries!"
13068,44,2,22,Barney: So what happened next?
13069,44,2,22,Flashback.
13070,44,2,22,"Robin: Ted, don't do this."
13071,44,2,22,"Ted: No, seriously. Where do you see yourself in five years?"
13072,44,2,22,Robin: Where do you see yourself?
13073,44,2,22,"Ted: Honestly, in five years... I probably want to be married."
13074,44,2,22,Robin: And I probably want to be in Argentina.
13075,44,2,22,Ted: Argentina?
13076,44,2,22,"Robin: Or Tokyo, or Paris. Look, Ted, I don't know where I'm going to be in five years. And I don't want to know. I want my life to be an adventure."
13077,44,2,22,"Ted: We have an expiration date, don't we?"
13078,44,2,22,End of flashback.
13079,44,2,22,"Barney: Oh, my God. You guys broke up. You guys broke up. I can't believe it."
13080,44,2,22,Ted: Barney... story's not over.
13081,44,2,22,Flashback.
13082,44,2,22,Robin: Can we please not talk about this here. Can we go home?
13083,44,2,22,"Ted: Yeah, of course. Uh, excuse me, I'm sorry about this. Can we actually..."
13084,44,2,22,"Waiter: Oh, my God, it's you."
13085,44,2,22,Ted: Wha... what?
13086,44,2,22,Waiter: You're the son of a bitch who stole our blue French horn.
13087,44,2,22,Ted: Run!
13088,44,2,22,End of flashback.
13089,44,2,22,
13090,44,2,22,Barney: Run? Your strategy was run?
13091,44,2,22,Ted: It was a perfectly good idea. They didn't have our credit card information. They didn't know us from Adam. I stand by it.
13092,44,2,22,Robin: Yeah? And how did that work out for you?
13093,44,2,22,"Ted and Robin run and knock down the tray that the waiter was holding, at Robin's apartment..."
13094,44,2,22,Ted: I don't see why they had to keep my credit card and driver's license till we bring the horn back.
13095,44,2,22,"Robin: Well, come on, Ted, can you blame them?"
13096,44,2,22,"Flashback, at the restaurant..."
13097,44,2,22,"Ted: Look, I'm sorry about the French horn. I want to make this right. So what we're going to do right now is, we're going to run!"
13098,44,2,22,Ted runs and fall. End of flashback..
13099,44,2,22,Ted: So... Argentina.
13100,44,2,22,Robin: Argentina.
13101,44,2,22,Ted: Why is this the first I've heard of Argentina?
13102,44,2,22,"Robin: Mmm, American schools suck at geography. What would be the point in telling you that I want to live in Argentina? You don't want to live there."
13103,44,2,22,Ted: I could want to live in Argentina.
13104,44,2,22,"Robin: No, you couldn't. I mean, you life is here and your career. I'm a journalist, my career could take me anywhere, and I hope it does."
13105,44,2,22,"Ted: Hey. I could be an architect anywhere, too. They have buildings in Argentina. And Paris. And even Tokyo. I don't know if you ever saw Godzilla, but he wasn't knocking down a bunch of tents."
13106,44,2,22,"Robin: So, what? You're saying you want to move to Argentina?"
13107,44,2,22,"Ted: Well, I always regretted not taking a year in college to live abroad. I just finished a big project at work. I got some money saved up. If ever there were a time in my life to do something like this, it's right now. Let's move to Argentina."
13108,44,2,22,"Robin: Oh, shut up."
13109,44,2,22,Ted: You're scared I might not be kidding.
13110,44,2,22,Robin: Aren't you?
13111,44,2,22,"Ted: Nope. Your move, Scherbatsky."
13112,44,2,22,Robin: Okay. Let's do it-- let's move to Argentina.
13113,44,2,22,End of flashback...
13114,44,2,22,"Barney: No es posible! Nobody moves to Argentina. The Argentinean peso has dropped two-thirds in five years, the government is opposed to free market reforms, and the railroad has been a mess since the breakup of Ferrocarriles Argentinos. I hooked up with an Argentinean exchange student in a Porta-John outside Yankee Stadium. Man, she was chatty."
13115,44,2,22,Robin: Right? Right?
13116,44,2,22,Barney: You caught the bouquet?
13117,44,2,22,Ted: Barney. The story's not over yet.
13118,44,2,22,Flashback. Ted and Robin are in Robin's apartment kissing.
13119,44,2,22,"Robin: Wait, wait, wait, wait."
13120,44,2,22,Ted: What?
13121,44,2,22,Robin: I don't know if I can do this to you.
13122,44,2,22,Ted: Do what?
13123,44,2,22,"Robin: Well, you say you want to move to Argentina, but you want to have kids."
13124,44,2,22,"Ted: Oh, right. 'Cause there are no kids there. On Santa's map of the world, there's a big black ""X"" over Argentina."
13125,44,2,22,Robin: You know what I mean.
13126,44,2,22,"Ted: No, I don't. Okay, say we had kids. They wouldn't have to grow up in some suburb somewhere. They would grow up on the road having adventures with us. Think of all the Hard Rock Cafe T-shirts they could collect."
13127,44,2,22,"Robin: Ted, you know that kids were never a part of my plan. But if I was going to have someone's babies, I'd have your babies."
13128,44,2,22,Enf of flashback
13129,44,2,22,"Barney: That's when you run. Tell me you ran, Ted."
13130,44,2,22,Flashback. Ted and Robin are kissing on the couch.
13131,44,2,22,"Robin: Wait, wait, wait. We don't want to start having babies right this second. Do you have a...?"
13132,44,2,22,"Ted. No, I don't."
13133,44,2,22,"Robin: Well, we probably shouldn't."
13134,44,2,22,Ted: Yeah.
13135,44,2,22,Robin: Risk it?
13136,44,2,22,Ted: Risk it.
13137,44,2,22,End of flashback.
13138,44,2,22,Barney: No.
13139,44,2,22,"Man: All right, ladies and gentlemen, if you're all gather around, Lily and Marshall are going to cut the cake."
13140,44,2,22,"Barney: No. Robin, you're not... No, say the story's not over."
13141,44,2,22,"Robin: Come on, they're cutting the cake."
13142,44,2,22,"Barney: Say the story's not over! Oh, God, this is the 12th most worried I've ever been that someone's pregnant."
13143,44,2,22,"Marshall: Okay, Lily. I'm really hungry, so let's just, uh, aim for my mouth, okay? Besides, the smearing the cake thing's a clichée, remember?"
13144,44,2,22,"Lily: No, it's going to be so funny."
13145,44,2,22,"Marshall: Lily. Lily, just feed me the cake. Please, baby, I am so hungry. (Lily's so drunk that she falls)"
13146,44,2,22,Lily: Whoopsy-daisy.
13147,44,2,22,"Marshall: And she's okay. She's all right. That was funny. And it's time for the honeymoon. Guys, guys, guys. Thank you so much."
13148,44,2,22,Lily: We love you. I love you.
13149,44,2,22,The man who was with the camera comes back near Barney...
13150,44,2,22,"Barney: Getting married, having kids. It's all a mistake. It's a horrible, horrible mistake."
13151,44,2,22,"Man: God, this guy's giving me nothing."
13152,44,2,22,"Ted: All right, have fun in Scotland. If you see the Loch Ness Monster, tell him Ted Mosby says, ""What's up?"""
13153,44,2,22,"Marshall: Nessie's a she, Ted, come on. Marshall and Lily leave."
13154,44,2,22,"Ted: Hey, kiddo."
13155,44,2,22,BarneyYou are going to miss out on a lot of awesome stuff. You'll be at home with the kid while I am out awesome-ing all over the place. And you're going to get fat.
13156,44,2,22,"Ted: The story's not over, Barney."
13157,44,2,22,Flashback
13158,44,2,22,"Ted: Okay, time to get the horn back to the bistro."
13159,44,2,22,"Robin: Oh, Ted, I don't know if I can go again. That tuckered me out."
13160,44,2,22,Ted: Not a euphemism.
13161,44,2,22,"Robin: Right. Okay, let me just go change, and we'll leave."
13162,44,2,22,"Ted: Whoa, whoa, you get to change and I don't? Uh-uh. Solidarity, sister."
13163,44,2,22,Robin: That is crazy. I have a change of clothes and you don't. Suck it up.
13164,44,2,22,"Ted: Well, if we'd actually moved in together, all my stuff would be here, but we didn't, so..."
13165,44,2,22,"Robin: Yeah. We were all talk, weren't we?"
13166,44,2,22,"Ted: We're not doing this, are we?"
13167,44,2,22,Robin: I don't want to have kids in Argentina.
13168,44,2,22,Ted: And I don't want to have kids in Argentina.
13169,44,2,22,Robin: So where does that leave us?
13170,44,2,22,Ted: Well... we could stay together and... pretend this stuff doesn't matter. Or... we could give back the blue French horn.
13171,44,2,22,Robin: You stole a blue French horn for me.
13172,44,2,22,Ted: I would have stolen you a whole orchestra.
13173,44,2,22,End of flashback.
13174,44,2,22,Barney: You did break up.
13175,44,2,22,Ted: Yep.
13176,44,2,22,Barney: You're not pregnant?
13177,44,2,22,Robin: Nope.
13178,44,2,22,Barney: An-And Marshall and Lily don't know?
13179,44,2,22,"Ted: Well, afterwards, uh, we came by to tell you guys, but Lily was pretty stressed out, so..."
13180,44,2,22,Robin: We decided not to say anything till after the wedding.
13181,44,2,22,Barney: You guys okay?
13182,44,2,22,"Ted: Well, it hasn't been the easiest two weeks of our lives, but..."
13183,44,2,22,Robin: But we're okay.
13184,44,2,22,Ted: The open bar helps.
13185,44,2,22,"Kid: Excuse me, Miss."
13186,44,2,22,Robin: Hi.
13187,44,2,22,Kid: Could I have this dance?
13188,44,2,22,"Ted: Well, we knew this day would come eventually. Take care of her, little man."
13189,44,2,22,Marshall and Lily are in a limo...
13190,44,2,22,"Marshall: This is by far the drunkest I've ever seen you. Uh, driver."
13191,44,2,22,Ranjit: Hello!
13192,44,2,22,"Marshall: Ranjit!! Hey, can we make a stop before we head back to the hotel?"
13193,44,2,22,"Ranjit: You do not have to stop. You can be together as man and wife right back there, and because we are friends... I will not watch."
13194,44,2,22,"Marshall: Um, no, we actually had something else in mind."
13195,44,2,22,Ranjit: Okay.
13196,44,2,22,In a fast food..
13197,44,2,22,"Marshall: Lily, go sit down."
13198,44,2,22,Man: Welcome to Wienerburger.
13199,44,2,22,"Marshall: Hi. Can we get a number one, please, with no pickles? And a number four with no onions."
13200,44,2,22,Man: Let me guess. Jefferson High prom?
13201,44,2,22,"Marshall: No. But thank you. Actually, we just got married."
13202,44,2,22,Man: Wow. Congratulations.
13203,44,2,22,Marshall: Thank you.
13204,44,2,22,"Man: That's $7.80. Hey, dude."
13205,44,2,22,Marshall: Yeah.
13206,44,2,22,"Man: I don't know how to say this, but your wife just threw up in the trash."
13207,44,2,22,Marshall: My wife...
13208,44,2,22,"Ted (2030): So Marshall and Lily were married, and Robin and I were broken up. And as hard as it was at the time, in the end we both got what we wanted. She did eventually go on to live in Argentina and Morocco and Greece, Russia, even Japan for a little while. And I... well, I met your mom. I think for the most part if you're really honest with yourself about what you want out of life, Of course, at that moment, all I really wanted was a scotch and soda and a cigar."
13209,44,2,22,Ted meets Barney in the terrace.
13210,44,2,22,"Barney: I'm really sorry about you and Robin. I know I was always joking around about wanting you two to break up, but you were really good together."
13211,44,2,22,"Ted: Yeah... we were. She just wasn't the one, you know?"
13212,44,2,22,"Barney: The one. Oh, Ted, no. Do not tell me you're going to start searching for ""the one"" again. The only time I want to hear you saying ""the one"" is if it's followed by the word ""hundredth."" What up?"
13213,44,2,22,"Ted: No, I need a break from all that, I... I just want to get out there and have fun for a while, you know?"
13214,44,2,22,"Barney: Really? 'Cause... you know, you've been in a relationship for a year. You're going to... be a little rusty."
13215,44,2,22,Ted: Yeah.
13216,44,2,22,"Barney: I'm just saying... you're gonna need, need, need some help out there."
13217,44,2,22,Ted: Could be.
13218,44,2,22,Barney: Ted?
13219,44,2,22,"Ted: Yes, Barney."
13220,44,2,22,Barney: Do you think... Do you think maybe you might... need a wingman again?
13221,44,2,22,Ted: I do.
13222,45,3,1,[Title: The Year 2030]
13223,45,3,1,"Narrator: Kids, there's more than one story of how I met your mother. (Cut to a yellow umbrella floating down a street) You know the short version, the thing with your mom's yellow umbrella. But there's a bigger story. The story of how I became who I had to become before I could meet her. And that story begins here."
13224,45,3,1,[Title: The Year 2007]
13225,45,3,1,[At the wedding of Marshall and Lily - Ted/Barney]
13226,45,3,1,"Barney:...Dary! Legendary! Dude, I am so excited that you're single again. We're going to conquer New York City. I already have a girl from work lined up for you. Right boob bigger than the left boob, which some choose to look at as bra half empty. I choose to look at as bra half full."
13227,45,3,1,Ted: I dont' know... Robin and I broke up two weeks ago. I'm... I'm not ready.
13228,45,3,1,Barney: When will you be ready?
13229,45,3,1,"Narrator: It was a good question. (Flashback of Robin and Ted hugging after breaking up) After a big relationship ends, you need some time to recuperate. Robin took a trip to Argentina, and I went through my usual routine. (End Flashback)"
13230,45,3,1,[The Apartment - Ted/Barney]
13231,45,3,1,(Ted checking out his beard in a mirror)
13232,45,3,1,Narrator: I grew my breakup beard.
13233,45,3,1,(Barney bursts into the room)
13234,45,3,1,"Barney: Ted Mosby, suit up, 'cause here's the plan. There's a Miss Nassau County pageant. We'll pretend to be judges and, yes, our votes are for sale."
13235,45,3,1,Ted: I'm not ready.
13236,45,3,1,(Ted paints a wall. Barney comes in)
13237,45,3,1,Narrator: I repainted the apartment.
13238,45,3,1,Barney: Finish line of a woman 10K. Salty girls on an endorphin high who just want to lie down. Yeah.
13239,45,3,1,Ted: I'm not ready.
13240,45,3,1,[The Bar - Ted/Barney/Marshall/Lily]
13241,45,3,1,"Narrator: And the truth is, I was doing really good."
13242,45,3,1,"Barney: Female acrobats from Montreal. Super flexible. We're going to get ""Cirque de So-Laid"". What up?"
13243,45,3,1,"Ted: Barney, come on, we've covered this."
13244,45,3,1,Lily: Robin!
13245,45,3,1,(Robin walks up with Gael)
13246,45,3,1,"Robin: Hey, guys. I just got in last night. Um, uh, this is Gael."
13247,45,3,1,Gael: Hola.
13248,45,3,1,"Ted: Okay, I'm ready."
13249,45,3,1,"[""How I Met Your Mother"", credits]"
13250,45,3,1,[The Apartment - Lily/Marshall/Barney/Ted]
13251,45,3,1,"(Ted is in the bathroom, where a razor is heard)"
13252,45,3,1,"Ted: I just can't believe her. (He walks into the room with only his chin shaved) We have this totally amicable split, everything's cool. And she comes back from vacation with THAT guy? You know what she's doing? She's trying to win the breakup."
13253,45,3,1,"Lily: What do you mean ""Win the breakup"", old timey inventor."
13254,45,3,1,"Marshall: What our 21st president, Chester A. Arthur, is trying to say is that in every breakup there are winners and losers."
13255,45,3,1,"Lily: It's not a competition. Now, your 80-day ballon race around the world, that was a competition."
13256,45,3,1,Marshall: That's my wife.
13257,45,3,1,"Barney: Of course it's a competition, Lil. How else do you explain... what's his name?"
13258,45,3,1,[Flashback to Earlier. They talking at the bar.]
13259,45,3,1,Gael: Gael.
13260,45,3,1,"Ted: I'm sorry, Gayle?"
13261,45,3,1,Gael: Gael.
13262,45,3,1,Barney: Kyle?
13263,45,3,1,Gael: Gael.
13264,45,3,1,Marshall: Girl?
13265,45,3,1,"Robin: It's pronounced ""guy-el""."
13266,45,3,1,"Gael: It's means ""joyful"". That is why I live my life by bringing joy, good energy and happiness to others. Especially those less fortunate that I."
13267,45,3,1,Ted: I'm sorry. So it's Gayle?
13268,45,3,1,[End Flashback]
13269,45,3,1,[The Apartment]
13270,45,3,1,Ted: (With only a mustache now) What a jerk? I don't go to your stupid country and try to seduce woman with my sexy accent.
13271,45,3,1,"Barney: That's a great point, Persian nightclub owner."
13272,45,3,1,"Ted: And, oh, he is a masseuse."
13273,45,3,1,[Flashback to Earlier. They talking at the bar.]
13274,45,3,1,Gael: With a massage everything is connected. I can touch your foot cleanse your kidney. I can touch your earlobe and slow your heartbeat.
13275,45,3,1,"Ted: One time I used warm water to make a guy pee. Of course, I didn't make a career out of it."
13276,45,3,1,Gael: Career? Such an American idea. My career is living. Windsurfing. Making love. Sometimes at the same time.
13277,45,3,1,"Barney: How? How would one do that exactly? Seriously, don't giggle. Tell me."
13278,45,3,1,[End Flashback]
13279,45,3,1,[The Apartment]
13280,45,3,1,Barney: Not possible. You cannot have s*x on a windsurfing board.
13281,45,3,1,Lily: How do you know?
13282,45,3,1,"Barney: Glad you asked Lily. I have crafted a list of every vehicle land-based, aquatic and airborne in which/on which it's possible to have s*x. And of those 33 vehicles, I have had s*x in/on 31. Windsurfing board, not on the list, not possible. Oh, P.S., in order to hit 33, all I need is bobsled and the Apollo 11 space capsule."
13283,45,3,1,"Lily: To get that last one, you'd have to break into the Smithsonian."
13284,45,3,1,Barney: This conversation never happened.
13285,45,3,1,"Ted: All right, you're suit up, I bearded down. Let's get out there and win this thing."
13286,45,3,1,Barney: Yes!
13287,45,3,1,"Ted: You guys, have fun of your duble date."
13288,45,3,1,"Lily: Oh, for the hundredth time, I'm sorry, there was a lull."
13289,45,3,1,[Flashback to Earlier. They talking at the bar.]
13290,45,3,1,Gael: And then we fell asleep on the beach while counting the stars.
13291,45,3,1,"Lily: Do you want to have diner with me? Uh, us?"
13292,45,3,1,[End Flashback]
13293,45,3,1,[The Apartment]
13294,45,3,1,Marshall: There was no lull. You just think he's incredibly hot.
13295,45,3,1,"Lily: No, I don't!...Not incredibly. It's a little hard to believe how hot is he. But I mean, she isn't serious about him. The girl never marries the hot guy."
13296,45,3,1,"Marshall: Well, you did."
13297,45,3,1,Lily: I'm one of the lucky few.
13298,45,3,1,"Marshall: Lily, Ted is our best friend, so let's get something straight: Male Gayle is not hot. He's not our friend. Don't even look at him. Just... no eye contact."
13299,45,3,1,[Later at the apartment...]
13300,45,3,1,(Robin and Gael enter)
13301,45,3,1,"Narrator: So that night, as Lily and Marshall did their best to hate Gael..."
13302,45,3,1,"Lily: Hey, Robin. (Looks down) Gael."
13303,45,3,1,"Narrator:...Robin pulled me aside to check in. Now, I'm sure, she meant the best, but she said the worst."
13304,45,3,1,Robin: I just want to make sure you're okay with this.
13305,45,3,1,[The Bar - Ted/Barney]
13306,45,3,1,"Ted: ""I just want to make sure you're okay with this""? Damn it! I can't believe she's the one that gest to say that. She's winning, isn't she?"
13307,45,3,1,"Barney: Hum-hum. Not for long. Okay, pep talk. Take a knee. Ted, tonight, we're going to get you someone way hotter than Robin. Okay, Robin's a ten. Fine we'll get you a 12. Or, you know... two sixes. Failing that, four threes. And break glass in case of emergency we'll go the Staten Island, I'll get you 12 ones. Ted, my boy, I'm going to re-teach you... Ah."
13308,45,3,1,(Ted kiss a girl and they stop kissing)
13309,45,3,1,Amy: Amy.
13310,45,3,1,Ted: Ted.
13311,45,3,1,(They are kissing again)
13312,45,3,1,"Barney: Barney. Ted, we are back. Up here. Up high. Fivin' it up five-style!"
13313,45,3,1,[The Apartment - Robin/Gael/Marshall/Lily]Robin: I'm sorry this is all so weird.
13314,45,3,1,Marshall: Weird? Why would it be weird? Because you used to date our best friend or because my wife thinks your new boyfriend is incredibly hot?
13315,45,3,1,"Lily: I do not! Shut up! Oh, my God!"
13316,45,3,1,Robin: I just hope Ted's okay.
13317,45,3,1,Marshall: Hmm.
13318,45,3,1,"Gael: I hate to see you so tense. (Begins massaging her) I mean, we had a really clean break up, you know? We really acted like adults, so the last thing... Oh! Oh, God, oh!"
13319,45,3,1,(Robin sits on the floor in front of Gael moaning)
13320,45,3,1,"Marshall: Gael, are you properly licensed massage therapist?"
13321,45,3,1,Gael: What?
13322,45,3,1,Marshall: Are you legally certified by some type of gouverning entity?
13323,45,3,1,Gael: I train for three years at an institute in Buenos Aires. I have a card. I can show you.
13324,45,3,1,Marshall: Is the card laminated?
13325,45,3,1,"Gael: What do you mean ""laminated""?"
13326,45,3,1,Marshall: Covered in protective plastic.
13327,45,3,1,"Gael: Oh, yes."
13328,45,3,1,Marshall: Damn it! (To Lily) He checks out...
13329,45,3,1,
13330,45,3,1,[The Bar - Ted/Barney/Amy]
13331,45,3,1,(Ted and Amy are still making out)
13332,45,3,1,Barney: Ted. Ted. Ted. Ted. Ted.
13333,45,3,1,(They stop kissing)
13334,45,3,1,Ted: What?!!
13335,45,3,1,(Barney leads Ted away from Amy)
13336,45,3,1,"Barney: Let's bail, this place is dead."
13337,45,3,1,"Ted: Yeah, you're right. We're both totally striking out."
13338,45,3,1,"Barney: Yes, exactly, plus, we're on a tight schedule. I've got the entire evening perfectly planned out... Spoiler alert: Our last stop is an after hours club so after hours, it's three days from now. What up?"
13339,45,3,1,Ted: Are you blind? I'm making out with a 12. I am winning.
13340,45,3,1,Barney: Yeah. But I didn't get to help.
13341,45,3,1,Ted: So you're saying you want me to throw away a super hot girl just because you didn't help me get her?
13342,45,3,1,Barney: Apology accepted. Let's go.
13343,45,3,1,(Amy walks over)
13344,45,3,1,Amy: Who's the suit?
13345,45,3,1,"Ted: Hum. This is Barney. Barney, Amy."
13346,45,3,1,"Barney: I'm not gonna remember that. Now, if you'll excuse me, random chick from earlier tonight, as you shall henceforth be known. Ted and I have a schedule to keep."
13347,45,3,1,"Amy: Oh, well. You can check out off 08:54, dress up like a dork and bother the cool kids. Beat it, nerd."
13348,45,3,1,"Barney: Wow. Wow. Great stuff, Tommy Lee. See what you don't understand is, I'm Ted wingman. It's a sacred bond, much stronger that any... They're making out again!"
13349,45,3,1,[The Apartment (Kitchen) - Marshall]
13350,45,3,1,"Marshall: Massage therapist. And you know what, ""Gayle""? Your piece of chicken looks a little tense to me. Oh, oh, does that feel good, Mr. Chicken? Well, guess what? I didn't wash my hands. Got him."
13351,45,3,1,(Marshall walks back into the living room. Lily is being massaged by Gael)
13352,45,3,1,Marshall: Lily?!
13353,45,3,1,Gael: We carry so much ancient emotion in our neck and shoulders. Things we should have let go of years ago.
13354,45,3,1,"Lily: Oh, I forgive you, Mom."
13355,45,3,1,(Marshall takes Lily into the kitchen)
13356,45,3,1,"Marshall: Lily, we are Ted's best friends. Our job is to hate that guy."
13357,45,3,1,"Lily: Oh, yeah, that's what I was doing. I was building him up so few minutes later, I could totally cut him down."
13358,45,3,1,Marshall: Weren't you wearing a bra?
13359,45,3,1,[The Bar - Ted/Amy/Barney/A girl]
13360,45,3,1,Narrator: The night was doing great. Amy was cool and dangerous. She found a friend for Barney. She even paid for drinks... (Amy steals liquor from behind the bar) sort of.
13361,45,3,1,Barney: They know us here! You're gonna get us in trouble.
13362,45,3,1,Amy: Tell me something. Do you ask your tailor to leave extra room in the crotch for your huge vagina?
13363,45,3,1,"Barney: You... your vagina... Ted, this chick is crazy. We're leaving."
13364,45,3,1,Amy: Good idea. Let's all go back to my place.
13365,45,3,1,"Barney: Your place? Thanks, but no thanks, 1994 Courtney Love."
13366,45,3,1,Amy: I have a hot tub.
13367,45,3,1,"[The ""Amy's aparment"" in the hot tub - Barney/A girl/Ted/Amy]"
13368,45,3,1,"Barney: Okay, this place is actually pretty nice."
13369,45,3,1,Ted: I like your tatts.
13370,45,3,1,Amy: Thanks. You can play with them if you want. They're a hundred percent real.
13371,45,3,1,"Ted: No, your tatts... toos. Your tattoos."
13372,45,3,1,"Amy: Oh, thanks. You should get one."
13373,45,3,1,"Barney: Wrong. Ted has a classic clean-cut look that never goes out of style season after season, burn."
13374,45,3,1,Amy: Yeah? Well. I think he would look hot with some ink.
13375,45,3,1,"Barney: No, he wouldn't."
13376,45,3,1,"Amy: Yes, he would."
13377,45,3,1,"Barney: No, he wouldn't."
13378,45,3,1,Amy: Yuh-huh.
13379,45,3,1,Barney: Nuh-uh.
13380,45,3,1,The Girl: I'm ready to do anything you want by the way. Anything. Right now.
13381,45,3,1,Barney: Ted. Who are you gonna side with on this tattoos thing?
13382,45,3,1,Ted: I think I'd look way hot with some ink.
13383,45,3,1,"Amy: Yeah, you would."
13384,45,3,1,Ted: Yeah.
13385,45,3,1,(A kid enters.)
13386,45,3,1,"Amy: Oh my God, Tyler?"
13387,45,3,1,Tyler: Mommy! Daddy! She's back.
13388,45,3,1,Amy: Damn it! They're supposed to be in the Hamptons. Run!
13389,45,3,1,
13390,45,3,1,[In the street - Amy/Ted/Barney/The Girl]
13391,45,3,1,Amy: Sorry. I used to nanny for those jerks before they fired me. So unfair.
13392,45,3,1,"Barney: Unfair? I wouldn't let you take care of the imaginary kids I make up to score with single moms. That's it Ted, we're going home. Ted? Ted, you okay?"
13393,45,3,1,(Cut to fantasy: Robin and Gael are windsurfing)
13394,45,3,1,"Gael: Hello, Ted. Robin and I are about to make fantastic aquatic s*x on this windsurfing board."
13395,45,3,1,"Robin: And I just want to make sure you're okay with this. (Both laugh) Okay, how do we do this?"
13396,45,3,1,"Gael: I think your leg goes up, up..."
13397,45,3,1,"Robin: Okay, how 'bout if I, um..."
13398,45,3,1,"Gael: No, mine..."
13399,45,3,1,(End fantasy)
13400,45,3,1,"Ted: I'm okay. In fact, here's how okay I am. I'm gettin' a tattoo."
13401,45,3,1,"Barney: You're not getting a tattoo. It's not you. Ted, you are heading down a dark path."
13402,45,3,1,Ted: That dark path is my driveway.
13403,45,3,1,Barney: But you need a plan and you need a wingman!
13404,45,3,1,(Ted and Amy's taxi drives away)
13405,45,3,1,Barney: This is so going in my blog!
13406,45,3,1,Amy's friend: Want to have s*x?
13407,45,3,1,Barney: Okay.
13408,45,3,1,"[The Tattoo parlor - Ted/Amy/A guy]Ted: And underneath, it should say ""I win"". And then it should have flames coming out the bottom."
13409,45,3,1,"Amy: Oh, fire. We should start a fire."
13410,45,3,1,"Ted: After this maybe. Oh, man, this is going to be legen... wait for it..."
13411,45,3,1,[Ted's bedroom - Ted]
13412,45,3,1,"Narrator: And that's all I remember. (Ted wakes up) The next morning, I woke up alone back home. (He doesn't have a tattoo anywhere on his arms or his chest. He sighs, relieved. As he leaves the room, we see the butterfly tattoo across his lower back)"
13413,45,3,1,[The Apartment - Ted/Marshall/Lily]
13414,45,3,1,"Marshall: Hey, buddy, how was your night?"
13415,45,3,1,"Ted: You know, it was great. I met this crazy girl, I almost got a tattoo. Don't worry, I didn't. But it was... It was amazing. I think it's safe to say, I am winning this breakup."
13416,45,3,1,(Lily points out the tattoo to Marshall)
13417,45,3,1,Lily: Look.
13418,45,3,1,Marshall: Oh my God!
13419,45,3,1,Ted: What?
13420,45,3,1,Marshall: Nothing. This J. Crew catalog. Who brings two golden retrievers in a canoe?
13421,45,3,1,(Ted leaves the room)
13422,45,3,1,Lily: We've gotta call Barney.
13423,45,3,1,Marshall: Way ahead of you.
13424,45,3,1,[Later at The Apartment - Ted/Marshall/Lily]
13425,45,3,1,"(Barney comes in. Ted is in the kitchen, now in a shirt)"
13426,45,3,1,"Barney: Hey, guys, what's the big emergency? Oh and B the W: I am never speaking to Ted again."
13427,45,3,1,"Lily: Hum. Really, never? Not even if, say, butterflies flew out of his ass?"
13428,45,3,1,Barney: What?
13429,45,3,1,Marshall: Hum. Ted? Could you grab me the fondue pot?
13430,45,3,1,(Ted reaches up and shows his tattoo)
13431,45,3,1,Marshall: (To Barney) He has no idea. (Barney falls backward) And up we go.
13432,45,3,1,(Ted hands Marshall the fondue pot)
13433,45,3,1,Marshall: Thank you.
13434,45,3,1,Ted: Hum. Hum. What?
13435,45,3,1,Barney: Ted?
13436,45,3,1,Ted: Hmm?
13437,45,3,1,Barney: I came here this morning because... I want to apologize.
13438,45,3,1,"Ted: Apology accepted, Barney. As you can see, I do just fine on my own. I don't need a baby-sitter."
13439,45,3,1,"Barney: See. All this time, I thought you need a wingman to fly, but the truth is you... you've got your own wings now."
13440,45,3,1,Ted: Hmm.
13441,45,3,1,"Barney: Since you and Robin split, you've been gestating. Growing in your cocoon. And last night... you burst out of that cocoon..., like a majestic, uh... gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? I was always bad at science."
13442,45,3,1,Lily: He's gonna say it.
13443,45,3,1,Ted: A butterfly? (Everyone laughs) What?
13444,45,3,1,"Barney: Nothing, buddy."
13445,45,3,1,(Barney hits Ted's tattoo)
13446,45,3,1,Ted: Ow. Why did that hurt so...? Oh my God! (Looks in mirror) I have a tattoo.
13447,45,3,1,"Barney: Oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp."
13448,45,3,1,Ted: Tramp stamp?
13449,45,3,1,"Barney: You know, a ho tat. Ass antlers. A Panama City license plate."
13450,45,3,1,Narrator: And suddenly it all came back to me.
13451,45,3,1,"[Flashback: Tattoo parlor]Ted:...Dary. Legendary! Man, I am so winning this breakup."
13452,45,3,1,"Amy: Mm, I just broke up with my boyfriend Steve. He was totally annoying. He was like, ""I think you're the one, I want to marry you."""
13453,45,3,1,Ted: What a wuss. Do you think exes can be friends?
13454,45,3,1,"Amy: Yeah. Sure, I mean, we're still friends, right Steve?"
13455,45,3,1,"Ted: Hey, your name is Steve. And her ex-boyfriend's name is Steve. What are the odds of that...? Wait."
13456,45,3,1,[End flashback]
13457,45,3,1,Ted: No no no no no no no. Give me this.
13458,45,3,1,(Steals Barney's water and starts dabbing it on his tattoo)
13459,45,3,1,"Barney: Oh, yeah, that'll get it out."
13460,45,3,1,Marshall: Maybe you should try club soda.
13461,45,3,1,"Ted: Oh, damn it, it really hurts. I need like, some ointment or something. What is this? Spanish massage oil. Spanish massage oil? What happened here last night?"
13462,45,3,1,Marshall: Last night got weird.
13463,45,3,1,[Flashback: The Apartment]
13464,45,3,1,"(Gael is playing the guitar and singing. Robin is in love, Lily is in love, Marshall is in love.)"
13465,45,3,1,(Gael is massaging Marshall)
13466,45,3,1,Gael: Feel the emotions release.
13467,45,3,1,Marshall: Think I just got over being chunky in the ninth grade.
13468,45,3,1,Gael: You're beautiful.
13469,45,3,1,Marshall: I am beautiful.
13470,45,3,1,(Later... Gael is feeding Robin.)
13471,45,3,1,Gael: Experience your food.
13472,45,3,1,(He moves to feed Lily)
13473,45,3,1,Gael: Try the mango.
13474,45,3,1,(Marshall eats it instead)
13475,45,3,1,"Gael: Okay, that's enough of the fruit."
13476,45,3,1,[End flashback]
13477,45,3,1,"Marshall: We're sorry, Ted. It'll never happen again."
13478,45,3,1,Lily: It meant nothing to us. It just felt really really really good.
13479,45,3,1,Ted: I can't even look at you two right now.
13480,45,3,1,Marshall: Ted.
13481,45,3,1,(Ted leaves)
13482,45,3,1,Lily: He got a tramp stamp. (Everyone laughs)
13483,45,3,1,"[The hallway outside Robin's Apartment - Ted/Robin]Ted: All right, first of all, this isn't one of those, ""I came all the way over here because I want you back"" things. There'll be no startling confession of love, no sweet indie rock song that swells up just as we're about to kiss, none of that crap. Got it?"
13484,45,3,1,Robin: Okay.
13485,45,3,1,"Ted: Good. Now, here's the thing. It sucks that you came back from Argentina with someone as awesome as Gael. And I know I have no right to be upset at you. We're broken up, life goes on, whatever. But you know what? We-we never did this. We-we had this polite breakup with no irrational yelling and that's just wrong. So I'm gonna yell irrationally for a while and you're just gonna have to stand there and deal with it, okay?"
13486,45,3,1,"Robin: If you feel like you need to do that, then..."
13487,45,3,1,"Ted: (yells) I think I do! I really think I do! So now, I'm yelling!"
13488,45,3,1,Robin: You shaved.
13489,45,3,1,Ted: (yells) I did.
13490,45,3,1,Robin: I like the beard.
13491,45,3,1,"Ted: (still yelling) I liked it too, but it was getting kind of hot. Maybe in the winter, I'll grow it back out! (quietly) Okay, I'm done."
13492,45,3,1,Robin: I know it was weird showing up with Gael. I'm sorry.
13493,45,3,1,"Ted: Look, us breaking up, it was the right thing. But it took some time to get over you, you know? I-I'm still getting over you. But you, you were over it the minute they started the in-flight movie."
13494,45,3,1,"Robin: Over it? My first three days in Argentina, I cried my eyes out. I missed you so much. I wanted to go and prove how adventurous I am, but the truth is, it was really lonely. And that's why Gael happened."
13495,45,3,1,Ted: You weren't trying to win the break-up?
13496,45,3,1,Robin: I was trying to survive it.
13497,45,3,1,"Ted: Okay. No. See, look, that all sounds good, and we'll still be friends and move on, but..., did he have to be so hot? The guy's an Adonis."
13498,45,3,1,Robin: He's not an Adonis.
13499,45,3,1,Ted: He's the Cadillac of rebound guys. Marshall has a crush on him. The guy's perfect.
13500,45,3,1,Robin: He's not perfect.
13501,45,3,1,"Ted: Oh, come on. He's hot, he windsurfs, he massages things. Name one way I'm better than that guy."
13502,45,3,1,"Robin: ""You're bigger""."
13503,45,3,1,"Ted: Don't patronize me. If anything, he may even be a little bit taller."
13504,45,3,1,"Robin: No, Ted... ""you're bigger""."
13505,45,3,1,[The Bar - Ted/Marshall/Barney]Ted: I win!
13506,45,3,1,"Narrtor: Kids, I can't remember exactly what helped me get through the whole Robin-Gael incident. I'm sure it was something profound and meaningful and not at all macho and petty. But after that, I was back on my feet. And what followed was a new era in my life. A crazy time unlike anything that came before. (The camera goes outside to show a sea of black umbrellas, and one yellow one walking through the crowd) It's funny looking back on those days, knowing now exactly what I was heading towards, and what was heading towards me."
13507,45,3,1,[Barney's office - Barney](His phone rings. He answers on his headset)
13508,45,3,1,Barney: Go for Barney.
13509,45,3,1,"(Marshall is in his darkened apartment, alone)"
13510,45,3,1,"Marshall: Hey, man. It's Marshall. Check your e-mail. Sent you something."
13511,45,3,1,Barney: What is it?
13512,45,3,1,Marshall: Just a new website. Slapcountdown.com.
13513,45,3,1,(The countdown reads 55: 23: 59: 57...and counting)
13514,45,3,1,Barney: What does this mean? Marshall? Ma...?
13515,45,3,1,"(Marshall hangs up. He sniffs his hand, then practices a slap)"
13516,45,3,1,Barney: No. (screams) No!
13517,46,3,2,[Title: The Year 2007]
13518,46,3,2,[The Bar - Ted/Barney/Marshall/Lily]
13519,46,3,2,"Ted: So, beeing married, different? Not different?"
13520,46,3,2,"Marshall: It's the same. Mostly, except I think I might be getting carpal tunnel. My hands keeps cramping up."
13521,46,3,2,Barney: I think the whole point of getting married was that you didn't have to do that anymore.
13522,46,3,2,"Marshall: No, it's from writing all the thank you notes. Mostly."
13523,46,3,2,"Lily: Yeah. You're writing constantly. There's forms we have to sign, our death folders, thank you notes..."
13524,46,3,2,Barney: Whoa. Whoa. What are death folders?
13525,46,3,2,Lily: It's this thing they recommend you do in case one spouse died unexpectedly.
13526,46,3,2,Marshall: It's all the information your spouse might need all in one convenient location.
13527,46,3,2,"Lily: Yeah. Account info, important addresses, a letter to the other person, all that stuff. I'll get the next round."
13528,46,3,2,Ted: Thanks.
13529,46,3,2,(Lily leaves)
13530,46,3,2,Marshall: I am such a jerk.
13531,46,3,2,"Barney: Yeah. Wait, why?"
13532,46,3,2,Marshall: I didn't know that I was supposed to write a letter. All Lily's gonna find in that folder are a bunch of bank statements and a funny list of things to do with my ashes.
13533,46,3,2,Ted: Marshall brownies.
13534,46,3,2,"Marshall: Number six. Yeah. Oh, God, I am a bad husband. No, uh, no, I'll just write, I'll write Lily a letter tonight, everything'll be fine."
13535,46,3,2,"Barney: That's right. Unless... you die between now and then. Ooh. But, come on, that's never gonna happen."
13536,46,3,2,"Ted: Yes! There is one thing we can state with absolute certainly, it's that Marshall Eriksen is not going to die before writing that letter."
13537,46,3,2,"Barney: No way at all. In fact, I dare God to smite down this perfectly healthy..."
13538,46,3,2,"Marshall: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I get it, okay, you guys know I'm a little superstitious, and you guys are trying to freak me out. Well, guess what? It didn't work. So, there."
13539,46,3,2,"(Marshall knocks the table three times, throw salt behind his shoulder and turns a lot of times...)"
13540,46,3,2,Marshall: You guys are jerks!
13541,46,3,2,(He leaves)
13542,46,3,2,"[""How I Met Your Mother"", credits]Narrator: (Flashback of Robin and Ted hugging after breaking up) So, after Robin and I broke up, she needed some time away."
13543,46,3,2,[A house in Argentina - Robin/Gael]
13544,46,3,2,"Narrator: Away from her normal home, her normal life, and it turns out, her normal self."
13545,46,3,2,"(They are sitting and eating, with a lot of people)"
13546,46,3,2,"Robin: I was just so uptight in New York, you know? I mean, down here everybody shares everything. It's like we're all one big shimmering ball of positive energy. I wonder if anyone's ever thought that before."
13547,46,3,2,Gael: Here. Eat. If we run out of fish I will catch more with my hands.
13548,46,3,2,(Drums playing)
13549,46,3,2,Robin: A drum circle! They're different every time. Let's go watch!
13550,46,3,2,[End Flashback]
13551,46,3,2,[The Bar - Robin/Ted/Lily/Barney]
13552,46,3,2,Robin: And here I am at the drum circle.
13553,46,3,2,"Barney: Whoa. Are you topless? Ted, check this out."
13554,46,3,2,Ted: Seen 'em.
13555,46,3,2,Lily: Wow. It seems like a great trip.
13556,46,3,2,"Robin: Oh, it was. I feel like the Robin who left is not the same Robin who came back, you know."
13557,46,3,2,Lily: Wow. There's a lot of nude people in here.
13558,46,3,2,"Barney: You haven't changed, Scherbatsky. You're a sophisticated, scotch-swilling, cigar-smoking, red-meat-eating, gun-toting new yorker."
13559,46,3,2,Lily: Just shoes and a shirt. That's a look.
13560,46,3,2,"Barney: What you are not is a massage-giving, windsurfing, bongo-playing, teetotaling, vegan, peacenik, hippy like you soon to be ex-boyfriend, Gael. Back me up here, Ted."
13561,46,3,2,Ted: I'm just happy Robin's happy.
13562,46,3,2,Robin: Thank you.
13563,46,3,2,"Lily: Man, this is like ""Where's Waldo"" of exposed genitalia. Except that it's really easy to find Waldo."
13564,46,3,2,"Robin: I'm evolved, and I'm enjoying living my life a little bit closer to the way Gael and I did in Argentina."
13565,46,3,2,"Barney: Please, vacation romances have an expiration date. Gael's got a ""Best if banged by"" sticker on him. Once your romance starts to stink, you'll dump his ass down the drain like sour milk and go back to being ""Unevolved Robin"", the one we actually like. Back me up here, Ted."
13566,46,3,2,Ted: I'm just happy Robin's happy.
13567,46,3,2,"Barney: I'm telling you, within three days..."
13568,46,3,2,"Lily: Ooh, here he comes. Switched to big words."
13569,46,3,2,(Gael comes in)
13570,46,3,2,"Barney: Within a triad of solar periods, you'll recognize your dearth of compatibility with your paramour and conclude your association."
13571,46,3,2,Robin: My journey was transformative and I reassert my commitment to both the aforementioned paramour and the philosophies he espouses.[/b]
13572,46,3,2,Gael: What are we talking of? Baseball?
13573,46,3,2,"Barney: This is all gonna returns to masticate you in the gluteals. Support my hypotehesis, Ted."
13574,46,3,2,Ted: I'm just jubilant my former paramour's jubilant.
13575,46,3,2,[The Apartment - Marshall]
13576,46,3,2,"Narrator: That night, Marshall, sit down, to write the letter he hoped Lily would never have to read."
13577,46,3,2,"Marshall (voiceover): ""My dearest, sweetest, Lily pad. Let this letter be a small beacon, a tiny firefly to help light your way trough the years ahead. My love for you persists, higher than the Himalayas, deeper than a scottish loch. (sobbing) If I died under suspicious circumstances then beware. Trust no one, not even Ted. Especially not Ted. Know that I'll always be there in your heart, whenever you need me. (cry and sobbing) And my love for you will never die. Love. (sobbing) Your Marshmallow."" (cry and inhales sarply)"
13578,46,3,2,(He opens Lily's envelop)
13579,46,3,2,"Lily (voiceover): ""M., Atm Pin Code: 5-4-5-9. Teacher's pension account: a-3-9-3-2. Cancel Vogue. L."""
13580,46,3,2,[The Bar - Gael/Robin/Lily/A lot of girls]
13581,46,3,2,"Gael: My windsurfing board... it had floated away. And the shark... he was getting closer. They say to escape you punch a shark in the nose. But I said... ""Brother shark, we are both children from the same earth mother."" (Lily sighs) And that's all I remember until the hospital."
13582,46,3,2,(Further in the bar)
13583,46,3,2,Barney: That guy...
13584,46,3,2,Ted: Yeah. That guy. Look at how easy he has it.
13585,46,3,2,"Barney: Well. You and me, we have to bend over backwards to get a woman to, well, bend over backwards. But that guy... every woman in the bar is hanging on his every slightly mispronounced word. And why?"
13586,46,3,2,Ted: He's better looking than us.
13587,46,3,2,Barney: No. Because he's from out of town.
13588,46,3,2,Ted: Mmm.
13589,46,3,2,"Barney; With an accent and an innoncent smile, you don't even have to try."
13590,46,3,2,"Ted: Yeah. Plus automatic out, you're leaving in a couple of days. God, I wish we were tourists."
13591,46,3,2,Barney: Yeah. Actually... You know where I've been meaning to visit?
13592,46,3,2,[New York City - Ahead of the Bar - Ted/Barney]
13593,46,3,2,(Camera shutter clicking)
13594,46,3,2,"Ted: Okay, okay. We're from a small town in the south of France. Our plane leaves sunday morning."
13595,46,3,2,(Two girls arrives)
13596,46,3,2,"Barney: (With southern accent) Uh, hey, uh, howdy, ladies. Hate to bother you. We seem to be a little bit lost. Would you happen to know which street the statue of liberty's on?"
13597,46,3,2,"Girl #1: Actually, it's on its own island."
13598,46,3,2,Ted: Oh.
13599,46,3,2,"Barney: Oh, it's right. And, thank you very... Uh, my name is, uh, Ignatius Peabody Nobel, from East Westerton, Missouri. And this is my friend... Ted."
13600,46,3,2,"Colleen: Hi, um, I'm Colleen."
13601,46,3,2,"Barney: Hi, Colleen."
13602,46,3,2,Colleen: This is Lindsay.
13603,46,3,2,"Barney: Hi, Lindsay."
13604,46,3,2,"Ted: So, hey, you-you ladies, been awful nice to us. What do you say... ah, never mind. No..."
13605,46,3,2,"Colleen: No, what is it?"
13606,46,3,2,"Ted: Well, it's just we're leaving sunday morning. It sure would be nice to have some real New Yorkers show us around."
13607,46,3,2,Barney: Yeah.
13608,46,3,2,"Lindsay: Well. We're tonight, but... maybe tomorrow afternoon? Atfer lunch?"
13609,46,3,2,Barney: Well. Hotdog! Should we... you want to just meet here in front of Mac... MacLaren's pub?
13610,46,3,2,"Colleen: It's kind of a lame bar, but sure."
13611,46,3,2,Ted: Really? It doesn't seem that lame to me.
13612,46,3,2,Lindsay: It's pretty lame.
13613,46,3,2,Ted: I think it's cool.
13614,46,3,2,Colleen: We'll see you tomorrow.
13615,46,3,2,Barney: All right.
13616,46,3,2,(They leave)
13617,46,3,2,Ted: (yelling)I'm just saying it seems like a kind of bar a lot of cool people would hang out there.
13618,46,3,2,Barney: Okay. All right.
13619,46,3,2,[The Bar - Robin/Lily]
13620,46,3,2,"Lily: So, Gael, huh?"
13621,46,3,2,Robin: Mmm.
13622,46,3,2,Lily: Still going strong?
13623,46,3,2,"Robin: Yeah. It's great. Amazing, fantastic, awesome."
13624,46,3,2,"Lily: Ooh, that's one too many. What's going on?"
13625,46,3,2,"Robin: Well, now that I'm home, I'm finding myself getting annoyed at things that I loved on vacation."
13626,46,3,2,[Flashback - Argentina - Gael/Robin]
13627,46,3,2,"Gael: Here, taste. Experience your food."
13628,46,3,2,"Robin: Oh, so good."
13629,46,3,2,[Flashback - Brooklyn - Gael/Robin]
13630,46,3,2,Gael: Here taste. Experience your food.
13631,46,3,2,"Robin: Ooh sofa! Ooh sofa! Sofa, sofa, oh... ooh (she grunts)"
13632,46,3,2,[Flashback - Argentina - Gael/Robin]Robin: Ooh.
13633,46,3,2,"Gael: We're alone, now. I must have you."
13634,46,3,2,(She laughts)
13635,46,3,2,[Flashback - Brooklyn - Gael/Robin]
13636,46,3,2,Robin: Ooh.
13637,46,3,2,Gael: I must have you.
13638,46,3,2,Robin: Laptop! Laptop! Laptop! (She sighs when the laptop fall over)
13639,46,3,2,[End Flashbacks]
13640,46,3,2,[The Bar - Robin/Lily]
13641,46,3,2,"Robin: And you know what else? I'm still finding sand everywhere. I mean, we haven't been to the beach since Argentina. Where is all coming from?"
13642,46,3,2,"Lily: Well, maybe you're just going back to the person you were before the trip."
13643,46,3,2,"Robin: But I don't want to. I was so happy down there. No, you know what? I'm done complaining. I'm evolving. Just gonna go with the flow."
13644,46,3,2,[Robin's Apartment (Bathroom) - Robin](She takes a shower and someone enters in the bathroom)
13645,46,3,2,"Robin: Wow. Gael, you're peeing while I'm in the shower. Okay. Okay, old Robin would have been like, dude, ocupado. But now, you know what, I'm cool with it. Pee it up. In fact, when you're done, why won't you come in here and join me?"
13646,46,3,2,"A guy (but he's not Gael): Don't mind if I do, love."
13647,46,3,2,(She screams and get out of the bathroom)
13648,46,3,2,"Robin: Gael, there's some weird du.. (A lot of people is on her apartment) Hello."
13649,46,3,2,"Gael: Hey. Good news. I made some travelling friends today, and they'll be staying with us. How do you say... indefinetly?!"
13650,46,3,2,All: G'day.
13651,46,3,2,"[The Apartment - Lily/Marshall]Lily: Oh, here. Will you sign this thank you note?"
13652,46,3,2,Marshall: Wow. Both sides. You wrote on both sides of a thank you note to my third cousin for a blender that you haven't even taken out of the box.
13653,46,3,2,"Lily: Wow, it's a really nice blender."
13654,46,3,2,"Marshall: Well, if you love that blender so much, why don't you just marry it."
13655,46,3,2,Lily: I can't. I married you. That's how we got the blender. What's wrong?
13656,46,3,2,"Marshall: Nothing. Nothing's wrong. What could be wrong? Except that when you die, I'm gonna find out that your parting words to comfort me for all eternity were ""Cancel Vogue""."
13657,46,3,2,Lily: How can you open my letter?
13658,46,3,2,"Marshall: That was not a letter. It was barely even a text message. Next time you write something that short, at least have the courtesy to make it rhyme."
13659,46,3,2,"Lily: Marshall, wait. (He opens the door) This was our first fight as a married couple."
13660,46,3,2,"Marshall: Oh, baby."
13661,46,3,2,Lily: Oh.
13662,46,3,2,(He leaves the apartment)
13663,46,3,2,[Pictures of New York]
13664,46,3,2,"Narrator: Kids, when you visited New York, there are count of something funny to see and do. And yes Colleen and Linsay took us to Tater-Skinz."
13665,46,3,2,
13666,46,3,2,[Tater-Skinz - Lindsay/Ted/Barney/Colleen]
13667,46,3,2,Colleen: This is our favorite restaurant in the city.
13668,46,3,2,"Ted: Yes, I'm sure this is the best of their 57 ""spudtacular"" east coast locations."
13669,46,3,2,Lindsay: I'm going to run to the restroom.
13670,46,3,2,"Colleen: I'm gonna go, too."
13671,46,3,2,"(They leaves to the restroom) (Barney growls, Ted groans and Barney laughts)"
13672,46,3,2,"Barney: This is the easiest date ever. You know what I'm gonna try next? A knock, knock joke."
13673,46,3,2,Ted: Easiest? Somehow we have managed to find the two lamest new yorkers of all time.
13674,46,3,2,"Barney: Ted, Ted, Ted. Dude."
13675,46,3,2,Ted: I'm looking at you. What?
13676,46,3,2,Barney: Right. Stay with me. We are on the cusp of moving from out-of-towners to in-their-pantsers. Ay-o?
13677,46,3,2,(They make a high-five)
13678,46,3,2,"Ted: All right, Ignatius, one more hour."
13679,46,3,2,"Barney: Nice. (The girls are coming in) Nice. Hey, nice."
13680,46,3,2,Lindsay: Hey. Our friends invited us to a party. You guys want to come along?
13681,46,3,2,"Barney: Knock, knock."
13682,46,3,2,Lindsay: Who's there?
13683,46,3,2,"Barney: Yes, we do."
13684,46,3,2,(All laughing)
13685,46,3,2,[Robin's apartment - Robin/Gael/Gael's friends]
13686,46,3,2,"Robin: Quick announcement. I am so glad that you're here, fellow travelers. A couple rules... not even rules. Let's call them guidelines for harmonious living. Guideline for harmonious living number one ; The kitchen sink is for dishes, the toilet is for pee-pee. G.F.H.L. number two ; Marijuana is illegal in the United States, even when baked into a blueberry muffin that someone might mistakenly eat for breakfast right before they leave for their job as a TV Newscaster. ""This just in: Look at my hand, how weird is my hand?"" is not an appropriate thing to say on the air. And number three... I... (All cherring). (Yelling) And number three is please keep the noise to a minimum. I have to take a nap. I'm still pretty baked."
13687,46,3,2,[In the Cab - Barney/Colleen/Ted/Lindsay]
13688,46,3,2,"Barney: Everything's so bright, even at night. No wonder the city never sleeps. (Barney and Colleen laughing)"
13689,46,3,2,"Ted: Hey. If we're going north, why did we cross over the FDR? We should have taken the Hudson."
13690,46,3,2,"Barney: (scoffing) Now he knows all the streets. Someone's been watching too many ""Steinfield reruns"". (Woman laughing, Ted laughts sarcastically)"
13691,46,3,2,Ted: Where are we even going anyway?
13692,46,3,2,Lindsay: 148th and Brook Avenue.
13693,46,3,2,Ted: A hundred... on the south of Bronx at this time of night? We're going to get killed.
13694,46,3,2,"Barney: Ted. I think these local new yorkers know more about the city than we do, so relax. We're in very capable hands."
13695,46,3,2,[(Later) South of Bronx - Ted/Barney/Lindsay/Colleen/Policeman]
13696,46,3,2,(Sirenes wails)
13697,46,3,2,"Ted: There were three of them, at least two guns... they took all our money."
13698,46,3,2,Barney: Well. I only had traveler's checks.
13699,46,3,2,[The Apartment - Lily/Marshall]
13700,46,3,2,"Marshall: Hey, babe. I've been thinking about our fight."
13701,46,3,2,Lily: Yes?
13702,46,3,2,"Marshall: I'm really, really... surprised that you haven't apologized to me yet."
13703,46,3,2,"Lily: Wow. You really want to open this up again. Oh, I forgot, you open everything up, even if you're not supposed to until I'm dead."
13704,46,3,2,Marshall: You know that is important to me. Why won't you just write the letter?
13705,46,3,2,"Lily: Because, I can't bear the thought of not being with you, not even for long enough to write you a stupid letter."
13706,46,3,2,Marshall: Really?
13707,46,3,2,"Lily: Yes, really. Plus, I know as soon as I write it, you're just going to open it up and read it again."
13708,46,3,2,"Marshall: Lily, I won't, I promise."
13709,46,3,2,Lily: Okay. I'll write you a letter for my death folder.
13710,46,3,2,"Marshall: Do you mind, um, maybe slipping in a little bit of dirty stuff, too?"
13711,46,3,2,Lily: I tell you what. How about I make it all dirty stuff and slip in a little clean stuff?
13712,46,3,2,Marshall: You're the best. And maybe a couple polaroids?
13713,46,3,2,[South of Bronx - Ted/Barney/Colleen/Lindsay]Ted: Come on. Let's get out of here. This night's a disaster.
13714,46,3,2,Barney: What?! This night couldn't have gone any better. We've just survived a mugging. You know what that means.
13715,46,3,2,"Ted: ""Thank God, we're alive"" s*x."
13716,46,3,2,"Barney: ""Thank God we're alive"" s*x. It's even better than ""I can't believe you just proposed to me"" s*x, which I've only had, like, four of five times. Ted, please, we are so close."
13717,46,3,2,Ted: All right. I'm in. I've never worked this hard for anything in my life.
13718,46,3,2,(They join the girls)
13719,46,3,2,Ted: Whew.
13720,46,3,2,Lindsay: Wow. I think we all need to go back to our place and recover.
13721,46,3,2,Colleen: Yeah. I just want to celebrate the fact that we survived. You know?
13722,46,3,2,Barney: Mmm-mm. Me too. So where do you live?
13723,46,3,2,Ted: What? West village?
13724,46,3,2,Colleen: Close. West Orange.
13725,46,3,2,Ted: West Orange? New Jersey?
13726,46,3,2,Collee: Yeah.
13727,46,3,2,"Ted: You guys live in New Jersey, not New York?"
13728,46,3,2,Barney: Theodore.
13729,46,3,2,Colleen: Yep.
13730,46,3,2,Ted: New Jersey?
13731,46,3,2,Barney: Teddy?
13732,46,3,2,"Colleen: Yeah. But don't worry, it's pretty much New York."
13733,46,3,2,"Ted: Oh, no. Oh, no."
13734,46,3,2,"Barney: Oh, no."
13735,46,3,2,"Ted: New Jersey is not ""pretty much New York"". You are not ""pretty much new yorkers""."
13736,46,3,2,Colleen: And how would you know?
13737,46,3,2,"Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a new yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a new yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland tunnel and flush yourselves back to ""pretty much New York""? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!"
13738,46,3,2,(Lindsay huffs)
13739,46,3,2,"Barney: (with an accent) You're not from Missouri? Well, I will be a monkey's unc..."
13740,46,3,2,Colleen: Ew. (To the Policeman) Can we get a ride?
13741,46,3,2,"Barney: Hey, um, sir, can we get ride, too?"
13742,46,3,2,"Policeman: Newark, born and raised."
13743,46,3,2,[Robin's Apartment (Bedroom) - Robin/Gael]
13744,46,3,2,(Drumming) (Robin go to the living-room)
13745,46,3,2,Robin: Can you please keep it down?
13746,46,3,2,(There is another Robin... The other Robin sighs and stop drumming)
13747,46,3,2,"Robin #2: What happened to you, man? You said you wouldn't change, but look at you. No more tan, no more beaded braids, no more lush, untamed forest of leg and armpit hair. You're back at work. What gives?"
13748,46,3,2,Robin: Well. I have to have a job.
13749,46,3,2,"Robin #2: ""I have to have a job"", God, that's so american."
13750,46,3,2,Robin: I'm canadian. You know that.
13751,46,3,2,"Robin #2: What about the important things like making your own jewerly and lying on the beach and thinking about peace? God, don't you care about thinking about peace?"
13752,46,3,2,Robin: Wow. I just realized something.
13753,46,3,2,Robin #2: That you've lost your way.
13754,46,3,2,"Robin: No, that you really suck. You're boring and lame and you're getting sand everywhere. Seriously, where is all the sand coming from? You're not the real me. All you are is me on vacation trying to get away from a break-up."
13755,46,3,2,Robin #2: Don't you remember Argentina?
13756,46,3,2,(Drumming) (Robin #2 stand up and approach Robin)
13757,46,3,2,Robin #2: Don't you want to go back?
13758,46,3,2,Robin: What are you doing?
13759,46,3,2,Robin #2: Shh. Let this happen.
13760,46,3,2,(Robin #2 wants to kiss Robin)
13761,46,3,2,(But it was just a dream...)
13762,46,3,2,"(Robin stand up very quickly and gasps. Drumming) (She go to her living-room, the travelers are here)"
13763,46,3,2,"Robin: All right, everyone out! I said everyone out!"
13764,46,3,2,"(Robin go to her bedroom, takes her guns and returns to the living-room)"
13765,46,3,2,"(Drumming stops, panicked shouting)"
13766,46,3,2,"All: All right, we're living, we're leaving, okay. Michael Moore was so right about americans."
13767,46,3,2,(She returns to her bedroom and slam the door)
13768,46,3,2,Robin: (yelling) I'm canadian!
13769,46,3,2,(Gael wakes up)
13770,46,3,2,"Gael: Robin, are you okay?"
13771,46,3,2,"Robin: No, I'm not. Listen, Gael, I need to talk to you about something."
13772,46,3,2,"Narrator: After they broke-up, Robin went back to being Robin."
13773,46,3,2,[The Bar - Barney/Robin]
13774,46,3,2,"Barney: Welcome home, Scherbatsky."
13775,46,3,2,"Robin: Oh, good to be back. Although it's weird, vacation Robin popped into my dream again last night."
13776,46,3,2,Barney: Listening.
13777,46,3,2,Robin: This time we went all the way. Tell you one thing. She is maybe sandy but that chick knows what I like.
13778,46,3,2,[The Apartment - Lily/Marshall]
13779,46,3,2,"Lily: Okay, I'm done... but I really don't want you reading this unless... you know, something happens. Can you swear to me you won't open it?"
13780,46,3,2,Marshall: Totally. What does it say?
13781,46,3,2,"Lily: Marshall, I'm serious."
13782,46,3,2,"Marshall: Okay. I promise I won't, I won't open that until you're dead."
13783,46,3,2,Lily: Okay.
13784,46,3,2,"Narrator: And through 22 wonderful years of marriage, Marshall kept his promise."
13785,46,3,2,[Title: The Year 2029]
13786,46,3,2,[Marshall's desk - Marshall]
13787,46,3,2,"Narrator: Until November 1 of last year when, sadly..."
13788,46,3,2,(Marshall opens the letter)
13789,46,3,2,"Lily (voiceover): ""Busted! I knew you'd read this. You suck, Marshall, you totally suck."""
13790,46,3,2,Marshall: That's it? I suck. Lily.
13791,46,3,2,(Lily comes in)
13792,46,3,2,"Lily: Yes, you suck. You said you wouldn't read it and you did."
13793,46,3,2,"Marshall: Well, you didn't keep your promise either. I don't see any dirty pictures in here."
13794,46,3,2,"Lily: Oh, fine, I'll take the dirty pictures."
13795,46,3,2,Marshall: I don't want 'em now.
13796,46,3,2,Lily: What is that supposed to mean?
13797,46,3,2,Marshall: What?! Nothing. Nothing. You're beautiful. I would love the photos. Have I told you how beautiful you look?
13798,47,3,3,YEAR 2030
13799,47,3,3,INT. LIVING ROOM
13800,47,3,3,(Daughter and Son sitting on couch)
13801,47,3,3,"Future Ted: Kids, I know you think that you've heard every story from back before I met your mother. But there are some stories you tell and some stories you don't."
13802,47,3,3,INT. MEN'S RESTROOM
13803,47,3,3,(Ted rushes in while on his cell phone)
13804,47,3,3,Ted: Oh my God. Barney...oh my God.
13805,47,3,3,(Barney on his cell phone while up at Ted's apartment)
13806,47,3,3,"Barney: Use your words, Ted."
13807,47,3,3,(Ted on phone)
13808,47,3,3,"Ted: OK. Barney, I'm about to go for the belt."
13809,47,3,3,(Barney on phone)
13810,47,3,3,Barney: The belt?
13811,47,3,3,(Ted on phone)
13812,47,3,3,Ted: The belt.
13813,47,3,3,(Barney on phone)
13814,47,3,3,Barney: But that's impossible. You were up here less than half an hour ago.
13815,47,3,3,"(flashback to 'less than half an hour ago,' Barney and Marshall are playing Wii tennis in the living room)"
13816,47,3,3,"Marshall: Yes, advantage Ericksen."
13817,47,3,3,Barney: Don't get cocky. Wimbledon lasts a fortnight.
13818,47,3,3,"Marshall: Fortnight. British words are so cool. Plus, did you know lawyers there get to wear wigs? I wear a wig to work, I'm a jackass."
13819,47,3,3,(Ted enters the living room from his bedroom)
13820,47,3,3,"Ted: All right, I'm ready, let's hit it."
13821,47,3,3,Marshall: Can't go. Tournament.
13822,47,3,3,"Ted: What? We agreed, I suited up."
13823,47,3,3,Barney: You take too long to get ready
13824,47,3,3,"Ted: What are you talking about? I got the low-maintenance, just-rolled-out-of-bed look."
13825,47,3,3,"Marshall: Yeah, which takes an hour and a half of waxing, tugging and teasing to achieve."
13826,47,3,3,Barney: And then he starts on his hair. Ace.
13827,47,3,3,"Ted: Ha ha ha ha. Look, are we going or not?"
13828,47,3,3,"Barney: Just go without us, we'll be there in five minutes."
13829,47,3,3,Ted: Really?
13830,47,3,3,"Barney, Marshall: Yes."
13831,47,3,3,"Ted: All right, going down to the bar and ordering three beers, I'll see you in five minutes."
13832,47,3,3,(Ted opens front door to leave)
13833,47,3,3,"Ted: (holding up appropriate number of fingers) 3 beers, 5 minutes."
13834,47,3,3,"(Ted leaves, Marshall and Barney make strange finger movements mocking Ted's; Lily and Robin enter living room area from Lily's bedroom)"
13835,47,3,3,Robin: Thanks for lending me these boots. Where did you get them from?
13836,47,3,3,"Lily: Oh, this store in the Village had one of those crazy sales. It was a footwear feeding frenzy."
13837,47,3,3,(flashback to Lily in shoe store with lots of woman hurriedly grabbing merchandise)
13838,47,3,3,Lily: I saw it first.
13839,47,3,3,"(Lily fighting over a boot with a blonde girl, boot slips out of Lily's hand and she falls down)"
13840,47,3,3,"Lily: You just made the list, bitch."
13841,47,3,3,(back to first flashback)
13842,47,3,3,"Barney: So many questions. Firstly, what do you think would happen if a guy walked into that store wearing a suit of boots?"
13843,47,3,3,"Lily: You look fantastic in them, Robin. But don't you think they're a little high for that dress?"
13844,47,3,3,"Robin: Oh, that's the point. It's to hide the point that I haven't shaved my legs. I've begun a strict no-shave policy for the first three dates. It's all about self-control. If I don't shave, I must behave."
13845,47,3,3,"Barney: FYI, it doesn't matter, baby. Guys just wanna get on the green. They don't mind going through the rough."
13846,47,3,3,(Marshall jumps up to hit an overhead shot)
13847,47,3,3,Marshall: Shekwakie.
13848,47,3,3,"(Barney's cell phone rings, Barney takes phone out of his pocket and answers)"
13849,47,3,3,Barney: Stinson.
13850,47,3,3,"(Ted, down at bar, on phone)"
13851,47,3,3,"Ted: All right, the beers are here."
13852,47,3,3,"Barney: Yeah, we're not gonna make it."
13853,47,3,3,"Ted: Oh come on, we agreed...Did Marshall take his pants off?"
13854,47,3,3,"(Barney on phone, Marshall wearing boxers)"
13855,47,3,3,"Barney: Yeah, pants are off."
13856,47,3,3,"Marshall: This is Wimbledon, Ted. I need the freedom and mobility that only underwear can provide. Cheerio."
13857,47,3,3,(Barney and Ted hang up)
13858,47,3,3,"Ted: Fine, I don't need friends. I got you guys. You guys are my friends, my cold refreshing friends. I'm talking to beer."
13859,47,3,3,(Trudy walks up behind Ted)
13860,47,3,3,Trudy: Ted.
13861,47,3,3,(Ted turns around)
13862,47,3,3,Trudy: Trudy.
13863,47,3,3,"Ted: Trudy. Oh my God, I haven't seen you since..."
13864,47,3,3,"(flashback to 'about 2 years ago', Ted and Trudy making out in his room and then back to present scene)"
13865,47,3,3,"Trudy: I slept with you, then climbed down the fire escape?"
13866,47,3,3,Ted: That was you? Kidding. I was super wasted... that night. These are not all for me.
13867,47,3,3,"(Trudy sitting at bar, Ted talking to her)"
13868,47,3,3,"Ted: No, I was gonna call you but I was so embarrassed."
13869,47,3,3,"Trudy: You were embarrassed? I was like, I really like this guy and now I'm climbing out his window."
13870,47,3,3,(Ted laughs)
13871,47,3,3,Trudy: And I forgot my underwear.
13872,47,3,3,"Ted: Those were yours? I thought they felt kinda tight. Kidding, I don't wear underwear, ladies underwear. Often. Again, I'm kidding."
13873,47,3,3,Trudy: I am so glad I ran into you.
13874,47,3,3,"Ted: I know, do you wanna get a..."
13875,47,3,3,(Ted gets interrupted by Rachel who just notices Trudy)
13876,47,3,3,"Rachel: Trudy, no way!"
13877,47,3,3,"Trudy: Oh my God, Rachel, how are you?"
13878,47,3,3,(Rachel and Trudy scream and hug)
13879,47,3,3,"Trudy: Ted, this is Rachel."
13880,47,3,3,Rachel: Hi.
13881,47,3,3,"Rachel, Trudy: Kappa Epsilon Gamma! Whoo!"
13882,47,3,3,"Ted: Let me guess, you guys met in prison."
13883,47,3,3,"Rachel: No, we're sorority sisters."
13884,47,3,3,"Trudy: And best friends forever, all sophomore year."
13885,47,3,3,Rachel: When we weren't at each other's throats.
13886,47,3,3,Trudy: We could be so competitive. But that's all behind us now.
13887,47,3,3,"Rachel: (singing and dancing) Hey, mista..."
13888,47,3,3,"Rachel, Trudy: (Trudy joins in singing and dancing)... hey mista, stay away from my sista."
13889,47,3,3,Trudy: We have so much catching up do to.
13890,47,3,3,(Trudy and Rachel walk away from Ted together)
13891,47,3,3,"Rachel: OK, are you going to Stacy's wedding?"
13892,47,3,3,"Trudy: Oh, it's off, apparently he's into dudes."
13893,47,3,3,Rachel: No! Again? That's like her third one.
13894,47,3,3,Trudy: I know.
13895,47,3,3,"Ted: Well, beers, what do you want to do? Stay here, or I know this other place called my belly."
13896,47,3,3,(Rachel returns to Ted)
13897,47,3,3,"Rachel: So, Trudy and I got a table."
13898,47,3,3,"Ted: Oh, that's cool, I was gonna get outta here anyway, I'm really tired."
13899,47,3,3,Rachel: But I want you to stay.
13900,47,3,3,Ted: Tired of people who fold early 'cause I am wide awake.
13901,47,3,3,"(Rachel laughs and heads back to her table, Ted turns to his beers and picks them up)"
13902,47,3,3,"Ted: OK, guys, be cool."
13903,47,3,3,OPENING CREDITS
13904,47,3,3,INT. APARTMENT
13905,47,3,3,"(Barney and Marshall playing Wii tennis, Marshall serves)"
13906,47,3,3,"Marshall: Kazouwee. Vanquished, old bean."
13907,47,3,3,Barney: That's 'cause you distracted me. You've been hanging crumpet ever since the third set.
13908,47,3,3,"(Marshall turns around to rearrange himself, Barney's phone rings, Barney answers)"
13909,47,3,3,Barney: Stinson.
13910,47,3,3,(Ted on phone at bar standing away from table Rachel and Trudy are sitting at)
13911,47,3,3,"Ted: I've got a situation. Trudy is here, you know, the pineapple incident."
13912,47,3,3,(Barney on phone)
13913,47,3,3,"Barney: You mean, the girl who chalked your pool cue and snuck down the fire escape."
13914,47,3,3,Respect.
13915,47,3,3,(Ted on phone)
13916,47,3,3,"Ted: So, we're hitting it off and then her friend shows up and they're kinda competitive."
13917,47,3,3,I think the new girl's kinda into me.
13918,47,3,3,(Barney on phone)
13919,47,3,3,Barney: So you now have two on the line?
13920,47,3,3,(Ted on phone)
13921,47,3,3,Ted: And I don't know which one to go for.
13922,47,3,3,Barney: Go for the new girl.
13923,47,3,3,(Barney on phone)
13924,47,3,3,"Barney: Given the choice, always party with Dr. Strangelove."
13925,47,3,3,Lily: New girl? What new girl?
13926,47,3,3,Barney: Two girls are allegedly vying for Ted's affections and I think...
13927,47,3,3,"Lily: Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. Give it to me."
13928,47,3,3,(Lily takes phone from Barney)
13929,47,3,3,Lily: Are they friends? (Ted on phone)
13930,47,3,3,"Ted: Yeah. No, I don't know. They're old sorority sisters."
13931,47,3,3,Lily: Are they Betas?
13932,47,3,3,(Lily on phone)
13933,47,3,3,Lily: Because they're all sluts and you can tell them right now I didn't wanna be in their sorority anyway.
13934,47,3,3,(Ted on phone)
13935,47,3,3,"Ted: They're Kappas and I think I can score with one of them. I don't know which one and if I choose wrong, I lose 'em both."
13936,47,3,3,(Lily on phone)
13937,47,3,3,"Lily: OK, well, don't worry, I'll come down and help you figure it out."
13938,47,3,3,(Lily and Ted hang up phone)
13939,47,3,3,Marshall: I thought we were in for the evening.
13940,47,3,3,"Barney: That's what I thought about your bangers and mash down there but I guess we're both wrong, governor."
13941,47,3,3,(Marshall turns around to rearrange again) INT. MACLAREN'S
13942,47,3,3,(Ted returns to table)
13943,47,3,3,"Trudy: Oh, Ted, OK, settle an argument. Is it stealing if you go out with someone's boyfriend after they've broken up?"
13944,47,3,3,"Ted: Well, that's very complicated."
13945,47,3,3,"Rachel: See, he agrees with me. You're such a little man-thief."
13946,47,3,3,"Trudy: You're the man-thief, man-thief."
13947,47,3,3,"Ted: Oh, somebody should lock you girls up."
13948,47,3,3,(Rachel and Trudy laugh)
13949,47,3,3,Trudy: You're so funny. I think Ted is funny.
13950,47,3,3,Rachel: Really? I think Ted is hilarious.
13951,47,3,3,(Ted's phone rings)
13952,47,3,3,Ted: (muttering to himself) I am never not wearing a suit again.
13953,47,3,3,(Ted answers phone)
13954,47,3,3,Ted: Hello.
13955,47,3,3,(Lily on phone standing next to bar)
13956,47,3,3,"Lily: It's me, I'm at the bar. Don't look, just call me mom."
13957,47,3,3,"Ted: Hi Mom, how's dad's colon?"
13958,47,3,3,"Lily: What? What's the matter with you? Anyway, both of these girls are into you. Take your pick."
13959,47,3,3,Ted: They are? Are you sure?
13960,47,3,3,"Lily: Yes, of course. They're playing with their hair and touching your arm. Class green light."
13961,47,3,3,Ted: Are you positive?
13962,47,3,3,INT. RESTAURANT
13963,47,3,3,"(Robin on date, flipping her hair)"
13964,47,3,3,Robin: That is so fascinating. So what happened?
13965,47,3,3,(Robin reaches over and touches her date's arm)
13966,47,3,3,"Robin's date: Well, after eighteen hours of surgery, I closed and thankfully both girls just celebrated their second birthday."
13967,47,3,3,"Robin: Wow, gosh, separating conjoined twins. That must be the most amazing feeling."
13968,47,3,3,"Robin's date: True, but now the parents don't know what to do with their huge supply of four-legged overalls."
13969,47,3,3,(Robin laughs and flips her hair)
13970,47,3,3,Robin: That is so funny. You are so funny.
13971,47,3,3,INT. MACLAREN'S
13972,47,3,3,(Ted and Lily on phone with each other)
13973,47,3,3,"Lily: Positive. They both want you bad. It's a clearance sale and you're the boots, baby."
13974,47,3,3,(Rachel and Trudy both smile at Ted)
13975,47,3,3,"Lily: Oh, it's Robin. Good luck."
13976,47,3,3,Ted: Bye mom.
13977,47,3,3,(Ted hangs up phone)
13978,47,3,3,Ted: My mom.
13979,47,3,3,(Lily answers call from Robin)
13980,47,3,3,Lily: Hello.
13981,47,3,3,(Robin on phone while standing in the ladies room)
13982,47,3,3,Robin: Bring me a razor.
13983,47,3,3,(Lily on phone)
13984,47,3,3,Lily: What about the no-shave rule? What happened to your convictions?
13985,47,3,3,(Robin on phone)
13986,47,3,3,Robin: They've been surgically removed by Dr. Awesome.
13987,47,3,3,(Lily on phone)
13988,47,3,3,"Lily: No, I'm not doing it. The whole point to not shaving..."
13989,47,3,3,(Robin on phone)
13990,47,3,3,"Robin: Lily, please, he's really cute and I really like him. And he's got a British accent."
13991,47,3,3,(Lily on phone)
13992,47,3,3,Lily: I'm on my way.
13993,47,3,3,(Lily hangs up and rushes out of bar)
13994,47,3,3,"Ted: So, this college boyfriend, who, who won him?"
13995,47,3,3,Trudy: Neither of us.
13996,47,3,3,"Rachel: He left, junior year abroad."
13997,47,3,3,Trudy: It's really too bad. There was that one thing we wanted to do.
13998,47,3,3,"Rachel: We were gonna do, but never did."
13999,47,3,3,"Ted: What? What, what were you guys gonna do but never did."
14000,47,3,3,"Rachel: No, It's too embarrassing. You tell him."
14001,47,3,3,"Trudy: No, you tell him."
14002,47,3,3,Rachel: I don't care if you don't care.
14003,47,3,3,Trudy: I don't care.
14004,47,3,3,"Ted: Nobody cares, just say it."
14005,47,3,3,Rachel: Why don't we tell him together?
14006,47,3,3,"Trudy: OK, on three."
14007,47,3,3,Trudy: One.
14008,47,3,3,(Lily enters front door of apartment)
14009,47,3,3,"Lily: Well, he's right, it's a dead heat."
14010,47,3,3,(Trudy and Rachel both get closer to Ted)
14011,47,3,3,Trudy: Two.
14012,47,3,3,(Lily continues walking into apartment)
14013,47,3,3,Lily: Neither one is giving ground. I could not tell who was the third wheel.
14014,47,3,3,(Rachel and Trudy both put their hand on Ted's leg)
14015,47,3,3,Trudy: Three
14016,47,3,3,INT. MEN'S RESTROOM
14017,47,3,3,(Ted on cell phone)
14018,47,3,3,Ted: It's a tricycle.
14019,47,3,3,(Barney on phone)
14020,47,3,3,"Barney: No way, no way, no way!"
14021,47,3,3,Marshall: What's happening?
14022,47,3,3,(Barney passes phone to Marshall)
14023,47,3,3,Ted: It's a tricycle.
14024,47,3,3,"Marshall: No way, no way, no way. It's a tricycle."
14025,47,3,3,"Lily: Well, I'll just say it right now, all sorority girls are sluts."
14026,47,3,3,Barney: Put him on speaker.
14027,47,3,3,Barney: So what you're saying to us right now is you have a shot at the belt?
14028,47,3,3,"Marshall: Wait wait wait, what belt?"
14029,47,3,3,Ted: Barney and I have this running joke that the first guy to actually pull this off would win the championship belt.
14030,47,3,3,"Marshall: Oh, so it's a metaphorical belt, right?"
14031,47,3,3,(flashback to Barney removing a large belt from a box) Barney: Behold.
14032,47,3,3,Ted: You actually bought a belt.
14033,47,3,3,"Barney: That's right, it's resplendent."
14034,47,3,3,"Ted: It's just a thing we said, we were kidding around."
14035,47,3,3,"Barney: I never kid. Remember you said if I ever slept with that girl from Days of our Lives, I'd be the king? Well..."
14036,47,3,3,(Barney pulls a crown out of the box and puts it on his head) (back to present scene)
14037,47,3,3,Marshall: Why wasn't I told about the belt? I could go for the belt.
14038,47,3,3,"Marshall: If Lily were to die before me, then I could ride the tricycle."
14039,47,3,3,"Lily: If I died, I'd just come back and haunt your pen1s."
14040,47,3,3,"Ted: Guys, come on, help me out. What do I do?"
14041,47,3,3,"Barney: All right, Ted, if you're about to go for the belt, then the bylaws require me to ask the following questions. One, is the aggregate age of all the participants under 83?"
14042,47,3,3,Ted: Yes.
14043,47,3,3,"Barney: Two, is the aggregate weight of all participants under 400 pounds."
14044,47,3,3,Ted: Yes.
14045,47,3,3,"Barney: Theodore Mosby, are you paying these women?"
14046,47,3,3,Ted: What? No.
14047,47,3,3,Barney: Ted?
14048,47,3,3,"Ted: No. Look, I gotta go. They're gonna think I inherited my dad's imaginary bathroom issues."
14049,47,3,3,(Ted hangs up_
14050,47,3,3,INT. MACLAREN'S
14051,47,3,3,"(Ted walks in from restroom, Trudy and Rachel are walking towards front door)"
14052,47,3,3,"Ted: Oh, are you guys leaving?"
14053,47,3,3,"Rachel: Well, it is getting pretty late."
14054,47,3,3,"Ted: Right, well..."
14055,47,3,3,Trudy: I thought maybe we could all go and listen to that Wilco CD you talked about before.
14056,47,3,3,"Ted: Great, I have it right upstairs. It's in my apartment upstairs. Let's so upstairs."
14057,47,3,3,"Rachel: I'm sorry, where was your apartment again?"
14058,47,3,3,Ted: That's funny. I love that. You should tell more jokes at my apartment upstairs.
14059,47,3,3,"(Rachel and Trudy walk toward front door, Ted walks behind them while he texts from his cell phone)"
14060,47,3,3,
14061,47,3,3,INT. APARTMENT
14062,47,3,3,(Marshall and Lily talking in living room)
14063,47,3,3,"Marshall: Scenario number 12. We're in a horrific car crash, you die, I'm left paralyzed. Two sexy nurses with a six-pack of wine coolers sneak into my room late at night. I try to blink at them in morse code, ""Please, don't, I love my dead wife,"" but they're medical professionals and I gotta think somehow they're saving my life."
14064,47,3,3,"Lily: Fine, sleep with your nurses. Tonight you ride the unicycle."
14065,47,3,3,Marshall: I already did this morning.
14066,47,3,3,"(Lily's phone rings, she answers)"
14067,47,3,3,Lily: Hello.
14068,47,3,3,(Robin on phone)
14069,47,3,3,"Robin: Lily, I have pounded three cappuccinos waiting for you. Pretty soon I won't have to shave, the hair is going to vibrate off my legs."
14070,47,3,3,(Lily on phone)
14071,47,3,3,"Lily: Sorry, I can't leave now."
14072,47,3,3,(Robin on phone)
14073,47,3,3,"Robin: Lily, he can't see my legs like this. I look like a Turkish lesbian"
14074,47,3,3,(Lily hangs up)
14075,47,3,3,INT. RESTAURANT
14076,47,3,3,"(Robin hangs up phone, waitress comes over to her table)"
14077,47,3,3,Robin: There is a pharmacy across the street. Would 20 bucks buy me a razor?
14078,47,3,3,"Waitress: No, but fifty will."
14079,47,3,3,INT. APARTMENT
14080,47,3,3,"(Lily, Marshall and Barney in living room, Barney's phone beeps)"
14081,47,3,3,"Barney: Oh, hold on. Ted's texting me. (reading text) We're combing upsars."
14082,47,3,3,Marshall: We're combing upsars? What does that mean?
14083,47,3,3,Lily: He's coming upstairs!
14084,47,3,3,"(Lily, Marshall and Barney scramble around the living room; Ted, Rachel and Trudy walk up the hallway towards his apartment, Ted drops his keys)"
14085,47,3,3,Marshall: Where are my pants? Where's my pants!
14086,47,3,3,(Ted picks up his keys)
14087,47,3,3,Ted: Got 'em.
14088,47,3,3,"(Ted, Rachel and Trudy walk through front door)"
14089,47,3,3,"Rachel: Ooh, nice place!"
14090,47,3,3,(Rachel notices Marshall and Lily's wedding photo and picks it up)
14091,47,3,3,"Rachel: Hey, are these your roommates?"
14092,47,3,3,"Ted: Yes, yes, but they are not here. They are somewhere else. We have total privacy because privacy is essential when you're listening to music."
14093,47,3,3,Rachel: You know what else is essential when you're listening to music? Music.
14094,47,3,3,Ted: That's hilarious. You are hilarious. I'll go get it in my bedroom. The CD's in my bedroom. Bedroom.
14095,47,3,3,"Rachel: OK, we'll try and stay out of trouble."
14096,47,3,3,Trudy: Of course we can't promise anything.
14097,47,3,3,"(Rachel and Trudy laugh, they sit on the couch)"
14098,47,3,3,Ted: This is gonna be awesome.
14099,47,3,3,"(Ted walks into his bedroom with Rachel and Trudy's coats, Ted sees Lily, Marshall and Barney in his room)"
14100,47,3,3,Ted: No!
14101,47,3,3,(back from commercial break)
14102,47,3,3,"Ted: What are you guys doing here? I've got, I've got..."
14103,47,3,3,"Lily: We know, we know, Ted. Well done, this is very impressive. Up top."
14104,47,3,3,(Lily and Ted high-five)
14105,47,3,3,"Marshall: Yeah bro, up top."
14106,47,3,3,(Marshall puts his hand up)
14107,47,3,3,"Lily: Oh, don't be gross."
14108,47,3,3,(Lily puts Marshall's hand down)
14109,47,3,3,"Ted: You guys need to get out of here right now. Please, take the fire escape."
14110,47,3,3,"Marshall: No, no way. The other day I saw a pigeon take a crap on it and the whole thing shifted."
14111,47,3,3,"Lily: Oh, you can use our bedroom."
14112,47,3,3,"Ted: OK, all I need to seal the deal is the Wilco CD...Barney."
14113,47,3,3,(Barney picks up CD from Ted's bedside table and snaps it in half)
14114,47,3,3,Ted: What are you doing?
14115,47,3,3,Barney: I cannot allow Ted to do this.
14116,47,3,3,"Ted: Why, why?"
14117,47,3,3,Barney: Because the belt is my birthright. You can't claim it before I do. That would be like Jimmy Olsen capturing Lex Luther while Superman watches impotently from the bedroom.
14118,47,3,3,"Marshall: But Barney, you've done way dirtier stuff than Ted. You're disgusting."
14119,47,3,3,"Barney: I've never ridden the tricycle. I was on the verge last year, it was so close."
14120,47,3,3,(flashback to Barney sitting in a living room with two girls)
14121,47,3,3,"Barney: So, ladies, why don't we move this party to a more horizontal location?"
14122,47,3,3,(Barney leans closer to Blonde Girl and accidentally knocks over wine glass and spills red wine on white carpet)
14123,47,3,3,"Blonde Girl: Oh my God. My new carpet. Oh my God, this is a disaster, You get the carpet cleaner, I'll get a towel."
14124,47,3,3,Brunette Girl: OK.
14125,47,3,3,(Blonde Girl and Brunette Girl get up)
14126,47,3,3,Barney: I'll get the video camera.
14127,47,3,3,Blonde Girl: Get out!
14128,47,3,3,Barney: OK then.
14129,47,3,3,(back to present scene)
14130,47,3,3,Ted: Let me get this straight. You're gonna trike block me? That is so petty. It's like you're...
14131,47,3,3,Marshall: Tom Petty.
14132,47,3,3,Ted: Tom Petty. You're Tom Petty.
14133,47,3,3,(Ted turns around and sees his door open and Lily not in his room anymore)
14134,47,3,3,Ted: Where's Lily?
14135,47,3,3,"(Ted walks out of his room to find Lily standing, looking at girls on couch, Ted pushes her into his room)"
14136,47,3,3,"Ted: Still looking for that CD, so..."
14137,47,3,3,(Ted goes back into his room)
14138,47,3,3,Ted: What are you doing?
14139,47,3,3,Lily: I knew it. I had a hunch about that girl and I was right.
14140,47,3,3,(flashback to Lily at shoe sale fighting over boot)
14141,47,3,3,Lily: I saw it first.
14142,47,3,3,(Lily's grasp of boot slips and she falls)
14143,47,3,3,"Lily: You just made the list, bitch."
14144,47,3,3,(camera shows Rachel holding boot Lily just fought over)
14145,47,3,3,(back to present scene)
14146,47,3,3,"Lily: I cannot give up my bedroom to a boot thief. She should be punished, not rewarded."
14147,47,3,3,"Ted: Fine, then I'll try to work in a little light spanking. Just do this for me."
14148,47,3,3,"Lily: No, never."
14149,47,3,3,(Lily turns away from Ted and crosses her arms)
14150,47,3,3,"Ted: What if I reimburse you for the boots, full retail?"
14151,47,3,3,(Lily turns back to Ted with her hand out)
14152,47,3,3,"Lily: Thanks, enjoy our bedroom."
14153,47,3,3,(Ted gets money out and gives it to Lily)
14154,47,3,3,"Ted: OK, take it."
14155,47,3,3,(Lily takes money)
14156,47,3,3,Ted: Wish me luck.
14157,47,3,3,"(Ted checks out his hair in the mirror, steps towards the door, steps back to mirror and touches up his hair again, steps towards the door, steps back to mirror and continues to touch up his hair"
14158,47,3,3,Barney: Oh my God.
14159,47,3,3,(Ted heads out his door)
14160,47,3,3,INT. RESTAURANT
14161,47,3,3,"(Waitress stands at Robin's table, Robin looks through brown paper bag)"
14162,47,3,3,Robin: Where's the shaving cream?
14163,47,3,3,"Waitress: Well, you didn't ask me for shaving cream."
14164,47,3,3,"Robin: Well, it was implied. Who buys a razor without buying shaving cream?"
14165,47,3,3,"Waitress: Well, who doesn't shave their legs for her date?"
14166,47,3,3,"Robin: Well, who's not getting a tip because of her attitude?"
14167,47,3,3,"Waitress: Well, here's a little tip for you. Shave your legs before you leave the house, Sasquatch."
14168,47,3,3,"Robin's date: Hey Robin, the valet's brought the car around. I thought we'd go back to my place. You in the mood for a night cap?"
14169,47,3,3,Robin: Absolutely. I just have to go to the ladies room. I've got TB...tiny bladder. I'll meet you out front?
14170,47,3,3,Robin's date: Yeah.
14171,47,3,3,"(Robin walks into the ladies room, puts her purse down on the sink counter and takes out the razor from her bag, Robin props her right foot on the counter and unzips her boot, grabs the soap and pumps it but no soap comes out)"
14172,47,3,3,Robin: You've gotta be kidding me.
14173,47,3,3,"(Robin walks out into the restaurant with her right boot still down, grabs the butter from the nearest table)"
14174,47,3,3,Robin: Excuse me.
14175,47,3,3,"(Robin heads back to the ladies room with the butter, props right foot back up on the counter, rubs butter over her right leg and begins to shave, slips and falls backwards)"
14176,47,3,3,INT. APARTMENT
14177,47,3,3,(Ted walks back into the living room)
14178,47,3,3,"Ted: So, I'm having a little trouble finding the CD."
14179,47,3,3,"Rachel: That's OK, we don't need music to have fun."
14180,47,3,3,(Rachel seats Ted down between herself and Trudy)
14181,47,3,3,Ted: Exactly.
14182,47,3,3,"Trudy: You do like to have fun, don't you Ted?"
14183,47,3,3,"(Ted smiles at Trudy, image of belt shows up over his forehead while Ted starts to look nervous and sweaty)"
14184,47,3,3,"Ted: It's getting late, I'll get your coats."
14185,47,3,3,(Ted gets up while Trudy and Rachel look surprised)
14186,47,3,3,INT. TED'S BEDROOM
14187,47,3,3,(Ted enters his room)
14188,47,3,3,"Lily: I'll get your coats? Ted: I don't know why I said that. Why did I say that? It's the opposite of what I meant. I wanna take clothes off them, not put more on."
14189,47,3,3,"Marshall: Ted, you're ruining this for everyone."
14190,47,3,3,Barney: Leave him alone! Sometimes even the greatest warriors shoot themselves in the foot.
14191,47,3,3,"Lily: What are you talking about? Barney: If you must know, it wasn't a freak beverage malfunction that stopped me from riding the tricycle that night."
14192,47,3,3,(flashback to Barney sitting on the ground of a living with two girls)
14193,47,3,3,"Blonde Girl: So, Barney, why don't we take this party to a more horizontal location?"
14194,47,3,3,"(Barney looks at both girls, image of belt flashes across his eyes, Barney looks nervous and sweaty, Barney purposely knocks over wine glass and spills red wine over white carpet)"
14195,47,3,3,"Barney: Oh no, the night's ruined!"
14196,47,3,3,"Brunette Girl: No, baby, it's not."
14197,47,3,3,Barney: Yes it is. Whatever this night was heading towards is ruined. Where's my coat?
14198,47,3,3,(Barney hurriedly gets up) (back to present scene)
14199,47,3,3,Marshall: Why would you do that to yourself?
14200,47,3,3,"Barney: Because you get up in your head, man. Start thinking, I can't do this. It's two women. That's two of everything, four of some things. The logistics alone are enough to cripple even a pro like me."
14201,47,3,3,"Ted: See? If a complete degenerate like Barney choked, what chance do I have?"
14202,47,3,3,"Barney: The best chance in the world. Fear took the belt from me. Fear rode the tricycle that night, my friends. But fear will not get a second turn."
14203,47,3,3,Ted: It won't?
14204,47,3,3,"Barney: No, because I now realize it isn't my destiny to win the belt. It is my destiny to help my friend win it. Ted is fated to go there first. He is our Neil Armstrong. (laughs) Space-suit-up, Ted, 'cause you're going to the moon. Step 1."
14205,47,3,3,"(fantasy scenario, Ted walks into living room in dressing gown)"
14206,47,3,3,"Ted: Ladies, couldn't find your coats but I did find tequila."
14207,47,3,3,"Trudy, Rachel: Oh!"
14208,47,3,3,(Ted turns on fireplace with a remote control)
14209,47,3,3,(Fantasy Scenario Ted talks to camera)
14210,47,3,3,"Ted: Wait, wait wait, a remote control fire place? We don't have a remote control fire place."
14211,47,3,3,"(back to present scene) Barney: Right, that's my apartment. Dressing gown's mine too. Damn, this should be me."
14212,47,3,3,"Anyway, continue."
14213,47,3,3,"(Fantasy scenario, Trudy, Ted and Rachel dancing in living room then plop down on the couch)"
14214,47,3,3,Rachel: I am so exhausted.
14215,47,3,3,Trudy: So exhausted.
14216,47,3,3,(Fantasy Scenario Ted talks to camera)
14217,47,3,3,Ted: Why would I want to tire them out?
14218,47,3,3,(back to present scene in Ted's room)
14219,47,3,3,Barney: That's your excuse to unleash pretext for physical contact number one.
14220,47,3,3,"(Fantasy scenario continues, Rachel reclining in couch)"
14221,47,3,3,Rachel: You give the most amazing foot massage.
14222,47,3,3,Ted: It's 'cause I used to practice all the time on my grandmother.
14223,47,3,3,(Fantasy Scenario Ted talks to camera)
14224,47,3,3,Ted: Why in God's name would I say that?
14225,47,3,3,"(back to present scene in Ted's room) Barney: It's endearing, you're a caregiver. Never take family values out of the equation."
14226,47,3,3,Step three.
14227,47,3,3,"(Fantasy scenario continues, Ted is massaging Rachel's feet, Trudy is holding grapes)"
14228,47,3,3,"Trudy: Ted, what's wrong?"
14229,47,3,3,Ted: I was just thinking about this documentary I saw once about something called a supervolcano.
14230,47,3,3,(Fantasy Scenario Ted talks to camera)
14231,47,3,3,"Ted: OK, what the hell."
14232,47,3,3,(back to present scene in Ted's room)
14233,47,3,3,"Barney: OK, wait for it."
14234,47,3,3,(Fantasy scenario continues)
14235,47,3,3,"Ted: Could happen at any time and obliterate all life on earth, which is why I live by three simple words. Don't postpone joy."
14236,47,3,3,Rachel: Oh my God.
14237,47,3,3,Trucy: That's so true.
14238,47,3,3,Ted: Yeah.
14239,47,3,3,(back to present scene in Ted's room)
14240,47,3,3,"Ted: Mortality angle, that's actually pretty good. I can do this."
14241,47,3,3,Barney: Yes you can.
14242,47,3,3,"Lily: I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I'm actually moved. Bring it in, guys."
14243,47,3,3,"(Barney, Ted, Marshall and Lily group-hug)"
14244,47,3,3,Ted: All right.
14245,47,3,3,"(Ted walks over to his door, grabs doorknob, stops and turns back)"
14246,47,3,3,Ted: I'll see you on the other side.
14247,47,3,3,(Ted leaves his bedroom)
14248,47,3,3,INT. APARTMENT
14249,47,3,3,"(Ted walks into the living room area to find it empty, Ted hears giggling coming from Marshall and Lily's bedroom, Ted walks over to their bedroom and opens the door, Ted smiles)"
14250,47,3,3,INT. MACLAREN'S
14251,47,3,3,"(Lily, Barney, Ted and Marshall sitting at booth)"
14252,47,3,3,"Barney: So, what happened next? Did you do it? Ted: Doesn't seem right to talk about it."
14253,47,3,3,Barney: What? No! Tell me. Don't tell me because you don't have to because you didn't do it.
14254,47,3,3,(Ted shrugs)
14255,47,3,3,"Barney: You didn't do it. You did it. You did it, didn't you? Did you?"
14256,47,3,3,(Ted shrugs)
14257,47,3,3,"Barney: You didn't do it. Yes, you did. You did. No, you... Just tell me!"
14258,47,3,3,"Ted: Some stories you tell, some stories you don't."
14259,47,3,3,"Barney: Because you didn't do it. He didn't do it. You did it, you did it, you did it. Tell me, did you?"
14260,47,3,3,(Ted doesn't answer)
14261,47,3,3,"Barney: Ted, belt."
14262,47,3,3,(Barney lifts up belt) Barney: Did you? Did you? Or didn't you?
14263,47,3,3,(Ted doesn't answer)
14264,47,3,3,Barney: Did? Tell me. You know if he did it?
14265,47,3,3,INT. RESTAURANT
14266,47,3,3,"(Robin's date stands outside the door of the ladies room, Waitress walks by)"
14267,47,3,3,Robin's date: Oh hey. Will you go in there and see if my date's OK?
14268,47,3,3,Waitress: No problem.
14269,47,3,3,"(Waitress opens door and peeks in, sees Robin lying on floor and smiles, closes door)"
14270,47,3,3,"Waitress: No, nobody's in there, but the window's actually open."
14271,47,3,3,"Robins' date: I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. I mean, she was acting weird all night, right? Waitress: Yeah. You know..."
14272,47,3,3,"(Waitress laughs, flips her hair and touches his arm)"
14273,47,3,3,Waitress: Why don't I buy you a drink?
14274,47,3,3,Robin's date: OK.
14275,47,3,3,(Robin's date and Waitress walk away from the ladies room door)
14276,47,3,3,Waitress: Did I overhear that you're a surgeon?
14277,47,3,3,Robin's date: Guilty as charged.
14278,47,3,3,(Waitress laughs)
14279,47,3,3,Waitress: You're so funny.
14280,47,3,3,(Robin runs out of ladies room)
14281,47,3,3,"Robin: I'm here, I'm fine, my head is bleeding. Going down again."
14282,47,3,3,(Robin falls down)
14283,48,3,4,EXT. NEW YORK CITY
14284,48,3,4,"Future Ted VO: It was Saturday night in New York City and the young metropolitan set was out on the town, living the kind of crazy lifestyle you can only find in the Big Apple."
14285,48,3,4,INT. APARTMENT
14286,48,3,4,"(Ted, Barney and Robin throw peanuts into Marshall's mouth)"
14287,48,3,4,"Robin, Ted: 97, 98, 99, 100!"
14288,48,3,4,Lily: 100! We only got to 82 on our honeymoon.
14289,48,3,4,(Barney laughs)
14290,48,3,4,"Lily: So, Robin, I've got a guy for you. He's cute, he's funny, he's smart."
14291,48,3,4,Ted: What's his 'but'?
14292,48,3,4,Lily: What do you mean? Ted: When someone wants to set you up they always tell you the good qualities first but then they leave out their huge flaw.
14293,48,3,4,"(flashback to MacLaren's, Barney telling Ted about a girl)"
14294,48,3,4,Barney: She's totally hot and really fun.
14295,48,3,4,Barney: (to himself) But she has a dead tooth.
14296,48,3,4,"(flashback to MacLaren's, Marshall telling Ted about a girl)"
14297,48,3,4,Marshall: She's superhot and she's so successful.
14298,48,3,4,Marshall: (to himself) But she has a pug that she pushes around in a stroller.
14299,48,3,4,"(flashback to MacLaren's, Lily and Ted sit at booth, Lily tells Ted about a girl)"
14300,48,3,4,Lily: She's so cute and she's so smart.
14301,48,3,4,Lily: (to herself) But her last boyfriend had to get a restraining order against her and then his cat and new vacuum cleaner both went missing.
14302,48,3,4,"Ted: Wow, set it up."
14303,48,3,4,(back to present scene)
14304,48,3,4,Ted: I'm still convinced she killed my turtle.
14305,48,3,4,"Robin: Hey, you know what, not every setup has a 'but'. What about, um, Jamie, that girl that Lily set you up with? She was really nice."
14306,48,3,4,"Barney: If memory serves me, she had a huge 'but'. Her huge butt. Nailed it!"
14307,48,3,4,(Ted and Barney hit fists)
14308,48,3,4,"Lily: Well, there's nothing wrong with this guy. He's really nice and he's really cute."
14309,48,3,4,"Ted: But? Lily: Fine, but he has a kid."
14310,48,3,4,Marshall: Oh.
14311,48,3,4,Ted: Aha! There it is. Robin's not going out with a guy with a kid.
14312,48,3,4,"Lily: But the guy is really great. And his kid's sweet, he's in my class."
14313,48,3,4,Ted: Doesn't matter. Robin hates kids.
14314,48,3,4,Robin: I don't hate kids.
14315,48,3,4,"Ted: You told me even when you were a kid, you hated kids."
14316,48,3,4,"(flashback to Little Robin and another little girl, little girl sitting in front of TV, Little Robin sitting behind her reading)"
14317,48,3,4,"Little Girl: Robin, will you watch cartoons with me?"
14318,48,3,4,Little Robin: I go to school all week. Can't I just have five minutes to myself to read Highlights and drink my juice?
14319,48,3,4,(back to present scene)
14320,48,3,4,"Robin: OK, yes, kids are not my favorite thing in the world but I like them."
14321,48,3,4,"Ted: Well, you don't wanna have them."
14322,48,3,4,Robin: I like sports cars but it doesn't mean I wanna push a Ferrari through my vagina
14323,48,3,4,Barney: Shotgun.
14324,48,3,4,(Marshall laughs)
14325,48,3,4,"Marshall: You can't blame us for thinking that the kid would be a problem. I mean, if we were friends with Garfield, we wouldn't set him up on a date with Mondays."
14326,48,3,4,Barney: Nice.
14327,48,3,4,"Robin: You know what, the kid is not a problem. I wanna meet this guy."
14328,48,3,4,"Lily: OK, that's awesome."
14329,48,3,4,"Robin: Yeah. Hey, what's my 'but'? You know, I'm really nice, but..."
14330,48,3,4,Ted: (to himself) But she's afraid of commitment.
14331,48,3,4,Lily: (to herself) But she's a gun nut.
14332,48,3,4,Barney: (to himself) But she's Canadian.
14333,48,3,4,Marshall: (to himself) But she didn't like Field of Dreams.
14334,48,3,4,Barney: I can't think of anything.
14335,48,3,4,Ted: You don't have a 'but'.
14336,48,3,4,OPENING CREDITS
14337,48,3,4,INT. MACLAREN'S
14338,48,3,4,(Barney walks over to Ted sitting at booth)
14339,48,3,4,"Barney: OK, I've got it. Here, put on this eye patch."
14340,48,3,4,(Barney throws Ted an eye patch)
14341,48,3,4,Ted: Why?
14342,48,3,4,Barney: The ultimate ice breaker.
14343,48,3,4,(Barney puts on his eye patch)
14344,48,3,4,"Barney: A bunch of cobras got loose in Central Park. You and I are jogging, training for the Death Valley Iron Man. No big deal, we do it every year. Suddenly we see these snake bastards sneaking towards a little baby. Not on our watch. You grab the kid, I strangle six cobras with my bare hands. Women of New York, one at a time please."
14345,48,3,4,"Ted: So, what are the eye patches for?"
14346,48,3,4,Barney: We got bit.
14347,48,3,4,Ted: On the eye? Barney: Yes.
14348,48,3,4,Ted: Both of us.
14349,48,3,4,Barney: They're different eyes. I don't see why this bugs you. Patch up!
14350,48,3,4,EXT. NEW YORK CITY
14351,48,3,4,(Robin and George walking on street)
14352,48,3,4,"Future Ted VO: So, Robin went on a date with George, the guy with the kid. And afterwards..."
14353,48,3,4,INT. APARTMENT
14354,48,3,4,(Robin enters front door and talks to Lily)
14355,48,3,4,"Robin: OK, here's the thing, George is a great guy, we had a wonderful date."
14356,48,3,4,Lily: But?
14357,48,3,4,"(flashback to Robin and George walking on street having ice cream on their date) Robin: Great, I can't wait to meet him."
14358,48,3,4,(back to present scene)
14359,48,3,4,Robin: Can't wait to meet him? Why did I say that? I don't wanna meet his kid.
14360,48,3,4,"Lily: Well, you knew you'd meet him sooner or later."
14361,48,3,4,"Robin: I was just hoping for later, like in 20 years when I'm a cougar and he's as hot as his dad."
14362,48,3,4,"Lily: Robin, What's the big deal? He's just a kid. He's not gonna bite. He may bite. We're working on biting."
14363,48,3,4,Robin: Why is this kid around anyway? Shouldn't he be with his mom? What kind of lawyer does this guy have if he has to take care of the kid all the time?
14364,48,3,4,Lily: A good one. He won full custody.
14365,48,3,4,"Robin: He won? He won. Oh God, getting the kid is winning, isn't it?"
14366,48,3,4,(Lily nods)
14367,48,3,4,Robin: Don't tell anyone I said that.
14368,48,3,4,INT. MACLAREN'S
14369,48,3,4,"(Barney and Ted sit at booth) Barney: I'm going out, buying eye patches. What are you doing to help score chicks?"
14370,48,3,4,"Ted: OK, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. People with real game don't need eye patches."
14371,48,3,4,"Barney: Oh, Theodore..."
14372,48,3,4,(Barney takes off his eye patch)
14373,48,3,4,"Barney:...no no no, you can't spell game without me, and me has the best game."
14374,48,3,4,"Ted: Yeah, well, I got so much game, I'm Cornish game hen."
14375,48,3,4,Barney: Oh yeah? I'm the New York state gaming commissioner.
14376,48,3,4,"Ted: Well, I'm The Game, well-crafted, keep-you-guessing thriller starring Michael Douglas and Sean Penn."
14377,48,3,4,Barney: Wow.
14378,48,3,4,(Marshall walks over to Ted and Barney's booth)
14379,48,3,4,Marshall: Wow. You're here and not in stall two.
14380,48,3,4,"Ted: Yeah, so?"
14381,48,3,4,Marshall: I may have made some wildly inappropriate homoerotic comments to a gentleman wearing your shoes.
14382,48,3,4,"Barney: OK, Marshall."
14383,48,3,4,Marshall: Yes.
14384,48,3,4,Barney: Which one of us has more game?
14385,48,3,4,"Marshall: Neither of you guys has any game, right, or else you'd be married like me."
14386,48,3,4,"Barney: What? Marshall: If dating is the game, then marriage is winning the game."
14387,48,3,4,"Ted: Yeah, if you're playing in the women's league."
14388,48,3,4,"Marshall: You're joking. I have mad game, bra."
14389,48,3,4,"Barney: OK. One, we agreed not to ever say 'bra' anymore. It was a good week, we had a lot of fun, but it's over. Two, you've been with Lily for eleven years. You're idea of good game is slapping on a Dr. Seuss hat and flashing two tickets to a Spin Doctors concert."
14390,48,3,4,"Ted: I hate to say it, buddy, but you're kinda' irrelevant."
14391,48,3,4,Marshall: What? I am not irrelevant. I know tons of stuff. I could help you guys. I don't wanna be left out.
14392,48,3,4,"Barney: Ted, you do not have more game than me. By sheer numbers alone, I win. Come on, dude, you've seen my list."
14393,48,3,4,Marshall: Do you guys wanna hear one of my lines?
14394,48,3,4,"Ted: First of all, I did not ask to see that list and I am still horrified. True game is about quality, not quantity. And a quality girl would pick me over you any day."
14395,48,3,4,Marshall: Are you a model? That one's good because it's flattering to the girl.
14396,48,3,4,"Barney: Ted, I challenge you to a picking-up-girls Olympiad."
14397,48,3,4,Ted: Fine.
14398,48,3,4,Barney: There will be 26 events spread out over 11 weeks. We will travel to a neutral city where a panel of international judges...
14399,48,3,4,Ted: Or we could just choose a girl and the first one to seal the deal wins.
14400,48,3,4,Barney: That's good too.
14401,48,3,4,(Barney looks around and sees blonde girl at bar)
14402,48,3,4,Barney: How about her?
14403,48,3,4,Ted: You're on.
14404,48,3,4,(Ted and Barney shake hands)
14405,48,3,4,"Barney: Before we start, why don't we jot down a few basic ground rules?"
14406,48,3,4,(Barney hands Ted a pen)
14407,48,3,4,"Ted: OK, great. Rule number one, no eye patches or props of any kind."
14408,48,3,4,(Barney gets up while Ted is writing and approaches blonde girl at bar)
14409,48,3,4,"Marshall: One time I was with this girl and I tried that model line, and I totally got some over-the-shirt boob action at a Just Say No assembly."
14410,48,3,4,Ted: Just stop. You're bumming everybody out.
14411,48,3,4,(Blonde girl slaps Barney)
14412,48,3,4,"Ted: Rule number two, this bet is for one million dollars."
14413,48,3,4,(Barney sits back down at booth)
14414,48,3,4,Barney: I win.
14415,48,3,4,Ted: How?
14416,48,3,4,"Barney: Oh, I slept with her, about a year ago, I just forgot."
14417,48,3,4,"Ted: Oh, well, that doesn't count. The bet started the moment we shook."
14418,48,3,4,Barney: I can't sleep with her again. She hates me.
14419,48,3,4,"Ted: Oh, Interesting. Look who just took a commanding lead. Now, with you out of the picture, I can take my sweet time."
14420,48,3,4,"Marshall: Ted, she's leaving."
14421,48,3,4,Ted: Get out of my way.
14422,48,3,4,(Ted gets up quickly and follows blonde girl)
14423,48,3,4,"Barney: By the look of those shoes, here comes your bathroom buddy."
14424,48,3,4,(Guy walks over and hands Marshall a card)
14425,48,3,4,Marshall: Look who's got game.
14426,48,3,4,(Marshall puts card in his shirt pocket)
14427,48,3,4,INT. GEORGE'S APARTMENT
14428,48,3,4,(George and robin sit at breakfast table drinking wine)
14429,48,3,4,"George: You're a big kids person, huh?"
14430,48,3,4,"Robin: Only the biggest ever. I think kids are so great. Especially the little ones. You know, uh, pudgy, can't sit up, don't have teeth yet."
14431,48,3,4,George: Babies.
14432,48,3,4,"Robin: Yeah, I like that kind."
14433,48,3,4,"George: Well, Doug's almost six"
14434,48,3,4,"Robin: Oh, six is great. You are gonna love six. Six is when they really start to... (Robin nods) I hate kids."
14435,48,3,4,"George: Excuse me, what? Robin: I mean, I don't hate kids. I'm just not a kid person. I mean, yeah, it's cute that their shoes are real little, but beyond that, what's the draw? You must think I'm nuts."
14436,48,3,4,"George: What? No no no. So you don't like kids, so what? I'm not looking for a mother for Doug. Why don't we just hold off on you meeting him?"
14437,48,3,4,"Robin: Yeah, let's take things slow."
14438,48,3,4,"Future Ted VO: And, kids, that's exactly what she did."
14439,48,3,4,INT. GEORGE'S BEDROOM
14440,48,3,4,"(Robin lying on bed, George kneels by bed to kiss her)"
14441,48,3,4,"Future Ted VO: Then on a totally different day that was definitely not the next morning, Aunt Robin had to face her worst fear."
14442,48,3,4,INT. GEORGE'S APARTMENT
14443,48,3,4,"(Robin sits at breakfast table alone reading the newspaper, Doug enter, Robin looks up at him and dials her phone)"
14444,48,3,4,INT. APARTMENT
14445,48,3,4,(Lily in kitchen answers her cell phone)
14446,48,3,4,"Lily: Hey, what's up?"
14447,48,3,4,(Robin on phone)
14448,48,3,4,"Robin: It's here, Lily. It's looking at me. The kid, what do I do?"
14449,48,3,4,(Lily on phone)
14450,48,3,4,"Lily: Just talk to him. You can do this, Robin."
14451,48,3,4,INT. GEORGE'S APARTMENT
14452,48,3,4,(Robin hangs up phone)
14453,48,3,4,Doug: Who are you? Robin: I'm Robin.
14454,48,3,4,Doug: That's a bird's name.
14455,48,3,4,Robin: No it's not. It's actually a type of bird.
14456,48,3,4,"Doug: My friend, Patrick, has a parakeet named Robin, so there. You wanna talk in Morse code?"
14457,48,3,4,"Robin: Dude, I'm just reading my paper."
14458,48,3,4,"Doug: Beep, beep beep beep, beep beep, beeeep. I'm starving. Can you make me cereal?"
14459,48,3,4,Robin: Sure.
14460,48,3,4,(Robin pours cereal into bowl)
14461,48,3,4,"Doug: What are you doing? You're supposed to pour milk first? Robin: What? No, you pour the cereal first so you know how much milk you need."
14462,48,3,4,Doug: It tastes better milk first.
14463,48,3,4,Robin: It all tastes the same once it's in the bowl.
14464,48,3,4,Doug: Why are you wearing my dad's pants?
14465,48,3,4,Robin: Milk first it is.
14466,48,3,4,(Robin dumps cereal into trash can)
14467,48,3,4,"(Doug eating cereal at table, Robin continues to read paper)"
14468,48,3,4,"Doug: What are you reading? Robin: The business section. The Fed's gonna lower rates again to bail out these subprime lenders, bunch of idiots."
14469,48,3,4,Doug: Miss Aldrin says it's not nice to call people names.
14470,48,3,4,"Robin: Well, maybe if they weren't such idiots, I wouldn't have to call them that."
14471,48,3,4,Doug: That's what I said. You're pretty cool.
14472,48,3,4,Robin: You too.
14473,48,3,4,"(scenes of Ted and Stacy's dates - Ted and Stacy sitting in living room watching TV - Ted and Stacy in kitchen cooking - Ted and Stacy on street, Ted giving her a flower)"
14474,48,3,4,"Future Ted VO: Meanwhile, Stacy and I had started dating. Oh, Stacy was the girl from the bar. Anyway, I was close to winning the bet when something unexpected happened, I started to really like her."
14475,48,3,4,
14476,48,3,4,INT. MACLAREN'S
14477,48,3,4,"(Ted and Barney about to sit down at booth, Ted on cell phone)"
14478,48,3,4,"Ted: Well, have fun in yoga."
14479,48,3,4,(Ted puts phone down to say something to Barney)
14480,48,3,4,Ted: She's strengthening her core. That's gonna be good.
14481,48,3,4,(Ted gets back on phone)
14482,48,3,4,"Ted: Yeah, all right. After a while, crocodile."
14483,48,3,4,(Ted hangs up phone)
14484,48,3,4,Ted: You see this. Game face.
14485,48,3,4,"Barney: Whatever, Ted."
14486,48,3,4,"Ted: Oh, get this, she plays bass in a reggae band. They're having a show this Friday. How cool is that?"
14487,48,3,4,"Barney: Oh, does she know that one song? Mm-hm chaka, mm-hm chaka. What's that song called? Oh, right, it's called every reggae song."
14488,48,3,4,(Marshall walks over to Ted and Barney)
14489,48,3,4,"Marshall: I am not irrelevant. I ran the numbers. If Lily and I have s*x twice a week, which, let's be honest, we all know is being conservative. And we've been together for ten years plus seventeen more times on the honeymoon. Minus the two week drought when I said the checker at the grocery store reminded me of a young Lily. Then we have had s*x a total of...wait for it..."
14490,48,3,4,Barney: Nice.
14491,48,3,4,"Marshall: One thousand fifty-three and a half times...my mom called once. But that's more times than Barney has ever had s*x and to your point, Ted, Lily is a quality girl. I win. Lawyered."
14492,48,3,4,Barney: Doesn't count.
14493,48,3,4,Marshall: Totally counts.
14494,48,3,4,"Ted: You're right, it counts. It counts as one. You've had s*x once. How was it? Marshall: I still matter."
14495,48,3,4,(Marshall walks away)
14496,48,3,4,"Barney: OK, Ted, go win the bet. You have my blessing. She's a wonderful girl. I should know."
14497,48,3,4,"Ted: Oh, OK, OK, I see what you're doing."
14498,48,3,4,"Barney: We've never shared a woman, have we, Ted? Isn't that funny? You're with her now, I was with her a year ago. You figure for her, that's like 200 showers ago. You gotta ask yourself, Ted, is 200 enough? Ted: You know what, I don't mind. Barney: No, of course you don't mind. Just like the second guy to climb Mt. Everest didn't mind getting all the way to the top only to find Sir Edmund Hilary's flagpole thrust into its supple peak."
14499,48,3,4,(Ted has a disgusted look on his face)
14500,48,3,4,"Barney: No, I'm sure when you're with her I'll be the furthest thing from your mind. Kissing what I've already kissed. Nuzzling what I've already nuzzled. Going (lowers head slightly and shakes it vigorously) on what I've already gone (lowers head again slightly and shakes it vigorously) on."
14501,48,3,4,"Ted: Barney, I'm not afraid of catching your cooties, OK?"
14502,48,3,4,"Barney: Really? Ted's not afraid of cooties. OK, well then I guess you'd have no problem having a sip of my gin and tonic."
14503,48,3,4,(Barney holds out his drink to Ted)
14504,48,3,4,Ted: Fine.
14505,48,3,4,(Ted takes drink and brings it up to his mouth and puts it down on the table)
14506,48,3,4,Barney: And I only stirred that with my pinky.
14507,48,3,4,INT. APARTMENT
14508,48,3,4,"(Lily sitting at table grading papers, Robin enters front door)"
14509,48,3,4,"Robin: Guess who loves Robin? Kids, kids love Robin. Doug thinks I'm pretty cool."
14510,48,3,4,"Lily: Really, that's great. You and George, all thanks to me."
14511,48,3,4,"Robin: Yeah, I'm gonna have to break up with him."
14512,48,3,4,Lily: What?
14513,48,3,4,"Robin: Well, tt's just getting a little bit too serious with the kid. You know, it's just not what I'm looking for. So, better that I break it off now before he gets too attached."
14514,48,3,4,(Lily gives Robin a look)
14515,48,3,4,Robin: What?
14516,48,3,4,"Lily: I hate to tell you this but, too late."
14517,48,3,4,(Lily shows Robin a picture Doug drew titled 'My New Mommy')
14518,48,3,4,Lily: He drew it in class today.
14519,48,3,4,Robin: Oh crap.
14520,48,3,4,(back from commercial break)
14521,48,3,4,"Robin: There's no way that's a picture of me. That woman has on hoop earrings, I don't even own hoop earrings. I have one pair and they're gold. Those are Fruit Loops."
14522,48,3,4,Lily: You are so in denial right now. And you're doing what you always do in relationships.
14523,48,3,4,"The second you get close to a guy, you wanna bail. OK, granted, he's six, but the point stands."
14524,48,3,4,Robin: We'll ask the guys. They'll tell you that's not me
14525,48,3,4,INT. MACLAREN'S
14526,48,3,4,"(Marshall, Lily, and Robin sit at booth, Marshall looking at picture)"
14527,48,3,4,Marshall: That's totally you.
14528,48,3,4,Robin: You guys are totally crazy.
14529,48,3,4,(Ted sits down and sees picture)
14530,48,3,4,"Ted: Hey, who drew the picture of Robin?"
14531,48,3,4,Robin: It's not me.
14532,48,3,4,"Marshall: You're joking, right?"
14533,48,3,4,Robin: It's not me.
14534,48,3,4,"Ted: ""My new mommy."" Kinda has a nice ring to it."
14535,48,3,4,"Marshall: Hey, now that you're a mom, are you gonna start wearing those totally awesome jeans that go right up to your boobs?"
14536,48,3,4,Robin: Do guys really think this is me?
14537,48,3,4,"Lily: Honey, it's you. And if you're gonna break up with George, you have to break up with his kid too."
14538,48,3,4,Robin: Really?
14539,48,3,4,"Lily: Yeah, you can't just abandon him. You have to talk to him. Come on, Robin, you know it's the right thing to do."
14540,48,3,4,"Robin: Man. Doug was right, you are a pain in the ass."
14541,48,3,4,INT. STACY'S APARTMENT
14542,48,3,4,(Ted and Stacy sit on her couch)
14543,48,3,4,"Stacy: So, I, I had a really nice time tonight."
14544,48,3,4,Ted: Me too.
14545,48,3,4,Stacy: Yeah?
14546,48,3,4,Ted: Mm-hm.
14547,48,3,4,"(Ted and Stacy close in to kiss, Ted backs up and imagines a little Barney in a safari outfit holding a flagpole sitting on Stacy's lip)"
14548,48,3,4,"Little Barney: Hey, Ted, pucker up all you want but I was here first."
14549,48,3,4,"(Little Barney plants flagpole into Stacy's lip and laughs, Ted looks at Stacy's lip and then at Stacy and laughs and goes in to kiss her neck but stops because he imagines a Little Barney there)"
14550,48,3,4,"Little Barney: From this spot, I also launched an expedition to those two large ridges down there."
14551,48,3,4,"(Little Barney pops up from Stacy's cleavage and laughs, Ted looks at Stacy with mouth agape, multiple Little Barney's all over Stacy)"
14552,48,3,4,"Stacy: Uh, Ted, something wrong?"
14553,48,3,4,INT. GEORGE'S APARTMENT
14554,48,3,4,(Doug opens door for Robin)
14555,48,3,4,"Robin: Hey, Doug."
14556,48,3,4,Doug: Are you here to see my dad? He's taking a shower.
14557,48,3,4,"Robin: Actually, I came to see you."
14558,48,3,4,"Doug: I wrote a poem, you wanna hear it.?"
14559,48,3,4,"Robin: Sure, why not?"
14560,48,3,4,"Doug: To my new mommy. You're pretty, you're nice, And you smell like daisies."
14561,48,3,4,"Robin: Oh, that is so sweet, Even though it doesn't rhyme."
14562,48,3,4,(Robin sits down)
14563,48,3,4,"Robin: Look, uh, Doug. There's no good way to say this."
14564,48,3,4,Future Ted VO: Aunt Robin didn't know what to say. This kid had never been dumped before.
14565,48,3,4,But then she realized this kid had never been dumped before. She could use every cliché in the book.
14566,48,3,4,"Robin: We need to talk. I just think, um, we both could use some space right now. It's not you, it's me. I know this hurts but you deserve someone better. I'm just really trying to focus on my career right now, you know. I just hope we can still be friends."
14567,48,3,4,"(knock on door, Robin gets up to open door, Brooke stands at front door)"
14568,48,3,4,"Brooke: Hi, I'm Brooke, I'm here for my date with George. You must be the babysitter."
14569,48,3,4,"(Robin has a flashback of the picture Doug drew and then notices Brooke's hoop earrings, has a flashback of the hoop earrings Doug drew)"
14570,48,3,4,"Brooke: I had so much coffee earlier, I need to run to the loo. Hey Dougie."
14571,48,3,4,(Brooke enters apartment and walks over to bathroom)
14572,48,3,4,Robin: What the hell was that? Doug: That was my new mommy.
14573,48,3,4,"Robin: So, this picture is not of me?"
14574,48,3,4,Doug: Why would I draw a picture of you?
14575,48,3,4,Robin: How many dates has she been on with your dad?
14576,48,3,4,Doug: Two.
14577,48,3,4,"Robin: Well, I've been on like five and you like her better?"
14578,48,3,4,Doug: We just really connected.
14579,48,3,4,Robin: And what about me? You think I go around pouring cereal for every boy in town.
14580,48,3,4,"Doug: Why are you getting so upset, Roberta?"
14581,48,3,4,"Robin: Robin. My name is Robin. Like the bird, remember?"
14582,48,3,4,Doug: Whatever.
14583,48,3,4,"Robin: So, that's it, huh?"
14584,48,3,4,"Doug: Look, you're great, but..."
14585,48,3,4,"Robin: Yeah, there's always a 'but'."
14586,48,3,4,INT. MACLAREN'S
14587,48,3,4,(Ted sits down at booth with Marshall and Barney)
14588,48,3,4,"Ted: Well, I couldn't do it. I broke up with her. Thanks a lot by the way. A beautiful, sexy girl and all I could think about was you being there first. You were stuck in my head like a Chumbawumba song."
14589,48,3,4,"Marshall: Which Chumbawumba song? Barney: Well, what an interesting turn of events. It looks like I'm going to win."
14590,48,3,4,"Ted: What do you mean, win? You couldn't even talk to her. You tried, you got slapped."
14591,48,3,4,Barney: That's what you think happened.
14592,48,3,4,(flashback to Barney walking away as Ted writes down rules of game)
14593,48,3,4,"Ted: OK, great, rule number one no eye patches or props of any..."
14594,48,3,4,(Barney talks to Stacy at bar)
14595,48,3,4,Barney: Here's the deal. My friend just got dumped so he's a little shy but he'd love to buy you a drink and get to know you. The problem is he thinks a pretty girl like you won't go for a guy like him. So would you slap me across the face so he could see you're not into guys who feed you lines? What do you say? For my friend?
14596,48,3,4,Stacy: You are so sweet.
14597,48,3,4,(Stacy slaps Barney)
14598,48,3,4,(back to present scene)
14599,48,3,4,"Barney: So now, whatever nice things Ted does for her, in her mind, I'm the guy who's even nicer than him."
14600,48,3,4,Ted: So you never slept with her?
14601,48,3,4,Barney: Not even at all.
14602,48,3,4,"Marshall: Wow, that's good."
14603,48,3,4,Barney: It gets better. Remember Ted's phone conversation?
14604,48,3,4,(flashback to Ted talking on cell phone with Stacy)
14605,48,3,4,"Ted: Well., have fun in yoga"
14606,48,3,4,(back to present scene)
14607,48,3,4,Barney: Well?
14608,48,3,4,"(flashback to Stacy leaving yoga class, runs into Barney)"
14609,48,3,4,Barney: Oh.
14610,48,3,4,Stacy: I'm sorry.
14611,48,3,4,"Barney: Stacy, right?"
14612,48,3,4,"Stacy: Yeah. Oh, you're Ted's friend from the bar?"
14613,48,3,4,"Barney: Yeah, wait, don't tell me you go to yoga here too?"
14614,48,3,4,Stacy: I do.
14615,48,3,4,(flashback to Ted telling Barney about Stacy) Ted: She plays bass in a reggae band.
14616,48,3,4,(back to flashback of Barney and Stacy running into each other outside of yoga studio)
14617,48,3,4,Barney: I'm gonna head out to a reggae concert. I'm a huge fan of reggae.
14618,48,3,4,"Stacy: Oh my gosh, I play in a reggae band."
14619,48,3,4,"Barney: No way, I wonder why Ted didn't tell me about that. Like I said, I'm a huge reggae fan."
14620,48,3,4,I should go inside.
14621,48,3,4,(flashback of Ted on phone with Stacy)
14622,48,3,4,Ted: After a while crocodile.
14623,48,3,4,(back to flashback of Barney and Stacy outside yoga studio)
14624,48,3,4,"Stacy, Barney: See you later alligator."
14625,48,3,4,Barney: We are two peas.
14626,48,3,4,(Stacy laughs)
14627,48,3,4,"Barney: Wow, take care. Namaste."
14628,48,3,4,"(Stacy and Barney walk away in different directions, Barney tosses yoga mat into trash can)"
14629,48,3,4,(back to present scene)
14630,48,3,4,Ted: You are a sociopath. That was my yoga mat.
14631,48,3,4,"Barney: So now with Ted out of the picture, I'm gonna swoop in and take the whole thing."
14632,48,3,4,Why? Parce que je le jeu me chienne.
14633,48,3,4,(Ted and Marshall look confused)
14634,48,3,4,"Barney: Translation: 'cause I got game, bitches."
14635,48,3,4,"Ted: No, no, this doesn't prove anything because..."
14636,48,3,4,(Barney's phone rings)
14637,48,3,4,"Barney: Hold one, hold on a second. Stacy."
14638,48,3,4,(Barney answers phone)
14639,48,3,4,"Barney: Hey, stace. What happened? He did not. Stay there, I'll be right over."
14640,48,3,4,(Barney gets up and leaves)
14641,48,3,4,Ted: I should have just worn that stupid eye patch.
14642,48,3,4,INT. APARTMENT
14643,48,3,4,"(Lily and Robin sit on couch, Robin is eating a pint of ice cream)"
14644,48,3,4,Lily: I can't believe you got dumped by a 6-year-old.
14645,48,3,4,"Robin: Whatever. He's a stupid head. I'm just, I'm done with kids."
14646,48,3,4,"Future Ted VO: Of course, Robin eventually made her peace with kids. And as you guys know she went on to appear in some very important works of arts. Yours."
14647,48,3,4,"(pictures kid drew of 'us and Aunt Robin' in front of house, at zoo, at beach)"
14648,48,3,4,INT. STACY'S APARTMENT
14649,48,3,4,"('one month later,' Stacy practices on her bass while Barney tries not to fall asleep)"
14650,48,3,4,Stacy: Hey.
14651,48,3,4,(Barney wakes up and starts to clap)
14652,48,3,4,"Stacy: You know, I really appreciate how cool you've been about us taking things slow."
14653,48,3,4,"Since Ted, you know, I don't really wanna get too physical too fast."
14654,48,3,4,"Barney: That's what makes you so special, baby."
14655,48,3,4,"Stacy: Anyway, I am so psyched to be playing Sun Splash tomorrow. We go on sometime between 11 and 6 so you probably wanna get there before nine to be safe. Oh, and it's gonna be muddy."
14656,48,3,4,"(Stacy pinches Barney's cheek, Barney smiles at her, smile fades as he lies back on couch, Barney imagines Little Ted dancing on Stacy's shoulder and Barney shakes his head)"
14657,49,3,5,INT. MACLAREN'S
14658,49,3,5,"(subtitled, 'the year 2007,' Robin, Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall sit at booth, Ted waves at girl entering bar who waves back and walks over to him)"
14659,49,3,5,"Future Ted VO: Kids, back in the fall of 2007, I was dating this girl named...oh God, what was her name? It's been 23 years, I can't remember all this stuff. For the sake of the story, let's call her..."
14660,49,3,5,"Ted: Everyone, this is Blah-blah."
14661,49,3,5,Blah-blah: Please call me Blah.
14662,49,3,5,"Marshall: So, Blah, how did you two meet?"
14663,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Well, I was taking this cooking class, French fusion, and everyone already had a partner but then I looked up, and across a crowded room, I saw Ted. It was magical."
14664,49,3,5,Ted: It was so magical.
14665,49,3,5,(Ted and Blah-blah kiss)
14666,49,3,5,Future Ted VO: Except it wasn't.
14667,49,3,5,"(flashback to 'one hour earlier,' Barney, Robin, Ted, Marshall and Lily enter MacLaren's)"
14668,49,3,5,Ted: She's gonna tell some bogus story about a cooking class because she's embarrassed we met online.
14669,49,3,5,"Marshall: Ay, Chihuahua."
14670,49,3,5,(Everyone sits down at booth)
14671,49,3,5,Ted: What? There's no stigma anymore.
14672,49,3,5,"Robin: Oh, there's a stigma. That's why people always say there's no stigma anymore."
14673,49,3,5,"Barney: So, she's hot."
14674,49,3,5,"Ted: Oh, she's gorgeous."
14675,49,3,5,Barney: Then she's crazy.
14676,49,3,5,Ted: No she's not.
14677,49,3,5,"Barney: Ted, the only hot girls that troll the Internet for dudes are crazy, hookers or dudes."
14678,49,3,5,"Ted: OK, she's not crazy, she's not a hooker, she's not a dude. Though there's this guy I pass on my work every day who's all three, scares the crap out of me."
14679,49,3,5,Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
14680,49,3,5,Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
14681,49,3,5,"Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?"
14682,49,3,5,Barney: Let me illustrate.
14683,49,3,5,(Barney draws with his finger in the air a 90 degree angle as a graph)
14684,49,3,5,Barney: A girl is allowed to be crazy...
14685,49,3,5,(Barney writes the word 'crazy' on the x-axis of graph)
14686,49,3,5,Barney:... as long as she is equally hot.
14687,49,3,5,(Barney writes the word 'hot' on the y-axis of graph)
14688,49,3,5,"Barney: Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot."
14689,49,3,5,(Barney draws an 'x' on the graph)
14690,49,3,5,"Barney: If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot."
14691,49,3,5,(Barney draws another 'x' up and to the right of the first 'x')
14692,49,3,5,Barney: You want the girl to be above this line
14693,49,3,5,(Barney draws a line at 45 degree angle)
14694,49,3,5,"Barney: Also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head..."
14695,49,3,5,(Barney draws circle in 'crazy' part of scale)
14696,49,3,5,Barney:...then lose ten pounds.
14697,49,3,5,(Barney moves his finger to the left into 'hot' part of scale and draws another circle)
14698,49,3,5,Barney: She'd stab me with a fork...
14699,49,3,5,(Barney moves his finger higher up on the 'crazy' side of the scale and draws another circle)
14700,49,3,5,Barney:... then get a boob job.
14701,49,3,5,(Barney moves his finger to the left into the 'hot' side of the scale and draws another circle)
14702,49,3,5,Barney: I should give her a call.
14703,49,3,5,(Barney reaches into his jacket inside pocket)
14704,49,3,5,OPENING CREDITS
14705,49,3,5,INT. MACLAREN'S
14706,49,3,5,"Ted: OK, so please, just play along with her fake story. We met in a cooking class."
14707,49,3,5,"Barney: I don't know, Ted, I don't know if I can just play along with your crazy girlfriend's fake story. Now, if you had said fake breasts..."
14708,49,3,5,Ted: She's not crazy.
14709,49,3,5,"Barney: OK, we'll see."
14710,49,3,5,(back to present scene)
14711,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Long story short, thank goodness I'm such a bad cook or I never would have met Ted."
14712,49,3,5,Barney: It's crazy how cute that is. It's crazy.
14713,49,3,5,Ted: You know who else has a really cute story of how they met? Marshall and Lily. You guys should tell that story right now.
14714,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Yeah. Marshall: All right, but spoiler alert, it ends with everyone saying 'aw.'"
14715,49,3,5,Lily: Aw.
14716,49,3,5,Marshall: Starts with it too.
14717,49,3,5,"Future Ted VO: When you've been a couple as long as Marshall and Lily, telling the how we met story becomes a choreographed dance."
14718,49,3,5,Lily: It was late August 1996
14719,49,3,5,Marshall: Lily and I were both freshmen moving into
14720,49,3,5,"Lily, Marshall: Hewitt Hall."
14721,49,3,5,"(flashback to 'the year 1996,; College Lily in her dorm room)"
14722,49,3,5,Marshall VO: And she needed some help setting up her stereo.
14723,49,3,5,(College Lily walking down hallway to room 110)
14724,49,3,5,"Lily VO: For some unknown reason, I felt drawn to room 110."
14725,49,3,5,Marshall VO: As if she knew that someone very special was behind that door.
14726,49,3,5,"Lily VO: And as fate would have it, that someone was Marshall."
14727,49,3,5,"Marshall, Lily VO: It was love at first sight."
14728,49,3,5,College Marshall: Hi.
14729,49,3,5,College Lily: Hi.
14730,49,3,5,(back to present scene)
14731,49,3,5,Blah-blah: Ohhh.
14732,49,3,5,"Marshall: I know, right?"
14733,49,3,5,"Future Ted VO: Now, they perfected that story over hundreds of tellings. The first time Marshall told it to me, it was a little different."
14734,49,3,5,(flashback to College Ted and College Marshall playing video games in their dorm room)
14735,49,3,5,"Marshall: Dude, this black-haired Goth chick stopped by today, (singing) wanna tap that."
14736,49,3,5,(back to present scene)
14737,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: You guys are so lucky. You know, when Ted and I were cooking and our hands touched for the first time, I knew right then that after class he would take me up on the roof, kiss me and give me a rose, which he did."
14738,49,3,5,(Everyone nods in silence)
14739,49,3,5,Blah-blah: Saw 'aw.'
14740,49,3,5,Everyone: Aw.
14741,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: I know, right? I'll get the next round, OK guys."
14742,49,3,5,"(Blah-blah gets up and walks over to bar, Barney looks at Ted)"
14743,49,3,5,"Ted: Anybody'd be stressed out meeting new people. She's not crazy. Crazy generous maybe, buying us drinks."
14744,49,3,5,(Barney is about to say something) Ted: Shut up.
14745,49,3,5,"(back from commercial break) Blah-blah: So, we know how Marshall and Lily met. Robin, how did you and Barney meet?"
14746,49,3,5,"Robin: No, no no no no no no no no no no no no no. Barney and I are not together. No. No."
14747,49,3,5,Barney: Really? Sixteen no's. Really?
14748,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: So, you're single."
14749,49,3,5,Robin: Yeah.
14750,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Hm. Oh, so, pretty and single and friends with Ted. Great."
14751,49,3,5,"Ted: You know who else is friends with Ted? Marshall. How did we meet? It's a good story, I'm gonna tell it right now. Uh, it was the first day of college."
14752,49,3,5,"(flashback to 'the year 1996,' College Marshall is sitting on bottom bunk in dorm room reading magazine)"
14753,49,3,5,"Future Ted VO: Kids, to understand this story, you need to know that your Uncle Marshall was doing something that lots of college kids do. How do I say this? He was, uh, let's say eating a sandwich."
14754,49,3,5,"(College Marshall brings a sandwich up to his mouth, takes a bit and starts laughing, College Guy runs and pokes head through Marshall's door)"
14755,49,3,5,"College Guy: Dude, I heard the dean is coming. Put out your sandwich."
14756,49,3,5,"(College Guy runs off, College Marshall gets up and puts his sandwich out in an ashtray, covers sandwich with his magazine, Marshall sprays air freshener in room, College Ted enters through door)"
14757,49,3,5,College Ted: Hey.
14758,49,3,5,"College Marshall: Good afternoon, sir. I'm Marshall Eriksen. College Ted: Sir? Please, just call me Ted."
14759,49,3,5,(College Marshall and College Ted shake hands)
14760,49,3,5,"College Marshall: OK, Dean Ted."
14761,49,3,5,College Ted: Whoa. Someone's been eating a sandwich.
14762,49,3,5,College Marshall: What? No. Really? I don't know 'cause I don't even know what sandwiches smell like. My parents are gonna donate a lot of money to this school.
14763,49,3,5,"College Ted: So you're bottom bunk, that's cool. I wanted the top bunk anyway."
14764,49,3,5,(College Ted puts his bags on the top bunk)
14765,49,3,5,College Marshall: What do you mean?
14766,49,3,5,College Ted: I'm your new roommate. College Marshall: This is so unfair.
14767,49,3,5,(back to present scene)
14768,49,3,5,Marshall: I didn't realize Ted wasn't the dean until later that night.
14769,49,3,5,"(flashback to College Ted eating sandwich in dorm room, Marshall walks in)"
14770,49,3,5,Marshall: You're not the dean.
14771,49,3,5,(College Marshall and College Ted start laughing)
14772,49,3,5,(back to present scene)
14773,49,3,5,"Robin: College, good times."
14774,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Oh, I get it. Ted told you I didn't go to college so now you're giving me a cute little backhanded slap."
14775,49,3,5,"Barney: Oh, here we go."
14776,49,3,5,(Barney claps lightly)
14777,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Well, while you were busy majoring in being freaking beautiful, I was starting my own line of handbags."
14778,49,3,5,Barney: Your own line of handbags? That's crazy.
14779,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: These have sold in Japan. Robin, have you ever sold anything in Japan?"
14780,49,3,5,"Robin: Uh, no, but I would love to buy one of them if... Where can I get one?"
14781,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: I don't have a distributor here yet, but thanks for rubbing that in. Why are you trying to undermine me in front of Ted?"
14782,49,3,5,"Robin: Look, there's nothing going on between me and Ted."
14783,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Wow, that just came out of nowhere."
14784,49,3,5,"Robin: No, I'm just saying you don't have anything to worry about."
14785,49,3,5,Blah-blah: I wasn't worried. Are you saying I should be?
14786,49,3,5,"Robin: No, I'm saying that you shouldn't be."
14787,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Oh good, 'cause I'm not. Now, Robin, could you just let it go? You're making all of us really uncomfortable."
14788,49,3,5,"Ted: You know what else is a good story, how Barney and I met. Barney, tell that story, right now. Please."
14789,49,3,5,"Barney: OK, Ted, this is a crazy story. You're gonna love it."
14790,49,3,5,"(flashback to 'the year 2001,' Barney and Ted are at the urinals standing next to each other)"
14791,49,3,5,Barney: Tonight's the first time I'm taking my deaf brother out since our mom died.
14792,49,3,5,"Ted: Oh, I'm sorry about that."
14793,49,3,5,"Barney: No, it's OK. I have to take care of him now. Of course, I have had to put my dreams on hold in order to do it, but I'm happy to. He's my brother and I love him. I'm sorry, it's all still so fresh."
14794,49,3,5,"Ted: Oh man, I'm really sorry."
14795,49,3,5,(Ted flushes and walks toward sink)
14796,49,3,5,"Barney: Wow, you bought that?"
14797,49,3,5,(Barney flushes and walks toward sink)
14798,49,3,5,"Ted: What? Barney: I just made that up mid-pee. It worked on you, it's definitely gonna work on that blonde chick at the end of the bar. Unless you're a total idiot. What's your name?"
14799,49,3,5,Ted: Ted.
14800,49,3,5,"Barney: Are you a total idiot, Ted?"
14801,49,3,5,"Ted: Well, I'm still having this conversation, so... Barney: (laughs) Well played."
14802,49,3,5,(Barney walks toward door and opens it)
14803,49,3,5,Barney: I like you Ted.
14804,49,3,5,"('fifteen minutes later,' Ted sitting at booth, Barney slides in next to him)"
14805,49,3,5,"Barney: Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live."
14806,49,3,5,(Ted looks at Barney confused)
14807,49,3,5,Barney: Barney. We met at the urinal.
14808,49,3,5,"Ted: Oh right, hi."
14809,49,3,5,"Barney: Lesson one, lose the goatee, it doesn't go with your suit."
14810,49,3,5,Ted: I'm not wearing a suit.
14811,49,3,5,"Barney: Lesson two, get a suit. Sutis are cool. Exhibit A."
14812,49,3,5,(Barney points to himself)
14813,49,3,5,"Barney: Lesson three, don't even think about getting married till your thirty. And lesson four, be totally silent for the next five minutes."
14814,49,3,5,(Audrey walks over to Barney and Ted's booth and sits down)
14815,49,3,5,"Barney: Hey, Audrey, this is my deaf brother, Edward."
14816,49,3,5,"Barney: (yelling at Ted) Edward, this is Audrey."
14817,49,3,5,"Audrey: You know, I actually know some sign language."
14818,49,3,5,"Audrey: (signing) Hi, my name is Audrey. Nice to meet you"
14819,49,3,5,Barney: He doesn't sign. He's embarrassed by his hands. They're tiny and lady-like.
14820,49,3,5,Ted: (signing) I'm Edward. Nice to meet you too.
14821,49,3,5,Barney: What? You are over your hand issues. It's about time.
14822,49,3,5,Ted: (signing) My brother's a great guy. You should give him your phone number.
14823,49,3,5,"(Ted hands Audrey a pen, Audrey writes on a napkin and slides it over to Barney)"
14824,49,3,5,Audrey: Here. Call me.
14825,49,3,5,"(Audrey gets up and leaves, Barney looks at Ted and gives him a thumbs-up)"
14826,49,3,5,(back to present scene)
14827,49,3,5,"Barney: And even though that girl ended up giving me a fake number, I knew that Ted and I would be each other's wingmen forever."
14828,49,3,5,"Ted: Barney, it's time you knew, um, that story actually goes a little bit differently."
14829,49,3,5,(flashback to Ted signing to Audrey)
14830,49,3,5,Ted: (signing) He's lying to you. Just give him a fake number.
14831,49,3,5,(Ted hands Audrey a pen)
14832,49,3,5,(back to present scene)
14833,49,3,5,"Barney: Great, funny. God, with a wingman like Ted, I might need to resort to meeting someone in a super desperate and lame way, like online. Online. Online."
14834,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Oh my God, you told them."
14835,49,3,5,"Ted: OK, yes, I told them, but it's not a big deal. Lots of people meet on the Internet. That whole seeing a stranger across a crowded room thing, that only happens in the movies."
14836,49,3,5,"Barney: Yeah, that never happens. Oh wait, except you and Robin. That's how you guys met, right?"
14837,49,3,5,"(flashback to 'the year 2005,' Ted standing in bar with Barney behind him, Ted notices Robin, Robin sees Ted and smiles)"
14838,49,3,5,(back to present scene)
14839,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Wait, you guys dated. For how long?"
14840,49,3,5,"Robin: A year. But don't worry, the relationship wasn't that good. By the end, it was mostly about s*x, which was not that good. But I was the problem. I'd just lie there. Ted is very good. I'm sure he will get you where you need to go. Can I buy your bags online?"
14841,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Oh, I see what's going on here, Ted, I'm just some random girl to make Robin jealous and after she takes you back, you probably won't even remember my name."
14842,49,3,5,(Blah-blah gets up and leaves table and walks over to bar)
14843,49,3,5,"Ted: Come on, blah-blah, it's not like that."
14844,49,3,5,(Ted gets up and follows Blah-blah)
14845,49,3,5,
14846,49,3,5,"Barney: Well, we're closing in on the half. Let's see how Blah-blah's doing on the crazy-hot scale."
14847,49,3,5,(Barney visualizes scale with diagonal line)
14848,49,3,5,Barney: She started the night here
14849,49,3,5,(Barney draws circle on 'hot' side of scale)
14850,49,3,5,"Barney: But as the night's progressed, she's gotten crazier but no hotter which has caused her to drift across the Mendoza diagonal and dangerously close to the Shelley Gillespie zone."
14851,49,3,5,"(Barney makes straight line across diagonal which circle follows, red zone in very crazy territory appears)"
14852,49,3,5,Barney: Another girl I dated. She gained twenty pounds and tried to kill me with a brick.
14853,49,3,5,(Ted and Blah-blah talk over by bar)
14854,49,3,5,"Ted: I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but seriously there's nothing going on with me and Robin."
14855,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Then why has she been trying to undermine me all night? I mean, look at her. She's laughing at me right now."
14856,49,3,5,(Ted and Blah-blah look over at Robin who's sitting at booth eating)
14857,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: I'm sorry, it's just Lily and Marshall's story is so romantic. I just wish we had something like that."
14858,49,3,5,Ted: Their story is not as magical as it seems.
14859,49,3,5,Blah-blah: What do you mean?
14860,49,3,5,"Ted: No, I can't, it's kind of a secret."
14861,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Well, how about I tell you a little secret about what you might get to do later tonight."
14862,49,3,5,"(Blah-blah whispers in Ted's ear, hot-crazy scale appears with circle in 'crazy' area moving up into the 'hot' area)"
14863,49,3,5,"Ted: The night before Lily met Marshall, there was this party."
14864,49,3,5,"(flashback to 'the year 1996,' college party, College Ted and College Lily look at each other from different parts of room, College Ted approaches College Lily)"
14865,49,3,5,"College Ted: Hey, you a freshwoman? I never use the word freshman. Sexist."
14866,49,3,5,"College Lily: Yeah, I'm a first-year. I'm in Hewitt 220."
14867,49,3,5,"College Ted: No way, Hewitt 110. You should totally come by."
14868,49,3,5,"College Lily: Maybe I will, Hewitt 110."
14869,49,3,5,College students: Chug chug chug chug
14870,49,3,5,(College Marshall is being held upside-down over keg with beer being directly poured into his mouth through spigot)
14871,49,3,5,"College Ted: These drunk idiots. Hey, don't drink their two dollar beer. This is a pinot noir from Europe."
14872,49,3,5,"(College Ted takes College Lily's drink and hands her a glass of wine, College Lily takes a sip of the wine)"
14873,49,3,5,"College Lily: Oh, it's fruity."
14874,49,3,5,"College Ted: Yeah, I cut it with some cranberry juice, it's pretty strong."
14875,49,3,5,"College Lily: So, uh, do you have a girlfriend?"
14876,49,3,5,"College Ted: Yeah. Not sure about the whole long distance thing though. It's like Descartes says, ""In order to determine whether we can know anything with certainty, we first have to doubt everything we know."" You know?"
14877,49,3,5,College Lily: Wow.
14878,49,3,5,(College Ted and College Lily start kissing)
14879,49,3,5,(back to present scene)
14880,49,3,5,"Ted: As drunk as she was, when she woke up the next morning, she still remembered room 110. That's why she knocked on the door. She was looking for me."
14881,49,3,5,Blah-blah: Oh my God.
14882,49,3,5,"Ted: Yeah, and in all these years Lily and I have never spoken about it, so again, mum's the word, OK?"
14883,49,3,5,Blah-blah: You have to tell Marshall.
14884,49,3,5,"Ted: If he heard that, it would destroy him."
14885,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: If you don't tell him, I will."
14886,49,3,5,"Ted: Oh, come on, you wouldn't."
14887,49,3,5,(Blah-blah gives Ted a scary look)
14888,49,3,5,Ted: Oh no.
14889,49,3,5,(Blah-blah and Ted walk back over to booth and sit down)
14890,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: So, Lily, how did you and Ted meet? Come on, Lily, the real story."
14891,49,3,5,Ted: I don't think anyone wants to hear that story.
14892,49,3,5,"Lily: Don't be embarrassed, Ted, it was a long time ago."
14893,49,3,5,(flashback to College Ted crying while talking on phone)
14894,49,3,5,"College Ted: I made a huge mistake last night, but it's like Descartes says."
14895,49,3,5,(College Marshall and College Lily enter room)
14896,49,3,5,"College Ted: In order to determine whether there's anything we can know with certain, we first have to doubt everything we know. And I now know for certain that I love you, Karen. Anyway, call me back when you get this. I'm also going down to the computer center to send you an electronic mail."
14897,49,3,5,(College Ted hangs up phone)
14898,49,3,5,"College Marshall: Ted, this is Lily."
14899,49,3,5,"College Ted: No, no, I'm sorry but I love Karen."
14900,49,3,5,(College Ted leaves room in a hurry)
14901,49,3,5,(back top present scene)
14902,49,3,5,"Ted: Yes, that is the unabridged story of how Lily and I met. How embarrassing. Who wants another round?"
14903,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: That's not the story, Ted, tell 'em."
14904,49,3,5,Marshall: Tell us what?
14905,49,3,5,"Ted: Lily, will you help us get the next round?"
14906,49,3,5,"(Ted, Blah-blah and Lily walk over to bar)"
14907,49,3,5,"Lily: Ted, what's going on?"
14908,49,3,5,"Ted: She knows about us, about how we really met."
14909,49,3,5,"Lily: Yeah, I know, I just told her."
14910,49,3,5,"Ted: No, the real story."
14911,49,3,5,"Lily: Ted, what are you talking about?"
14912,49,3,5,"Ted: Lily, come on."
14913,49,3,5,Lily: Come on what?
14914,49,3,5,"Ted: Lily, come on."
14915,49,3,5,"Lily: Ted, I honestly don't know what you're talking about."
14916,49,3,5,"Ted: Lily, come on."
14917,49,3,5,Blah-blah: I know that you and Ted made out the night before you met Marshall.
14918,49,3,5,Lily: What? Ted and I never made out.
14919,49,3,5,"Ted: Yeah, we did."
14920,49,3,5,"Lily: I only made out with one other guy in college before I met Marshall, and it was just some random dude. I don't even remember his name. I just call him too-much-tongue guy."
14921,49,3,5,Ted: What? Too-much-tongue guy? I'm not surprised to hear that coming from unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl.
14922,49,3,5,Lily: That wasn't me.
14923,49,3,5,"Ted: Yes it was, at the freshman orientation party."
14924,49,3,5,"Lily: No, no no no no no no no no no no no."
14925,49,3,5,"(Barney, Robin and Marshall sitting at booth)"
14926,49,3,5,"Barney: How much fun is this? All of us reminiscing about how we met me? Robin, have I told you how I met Marshall? Robin: Yeah, like five or six times."
14927,49,3,5,Barney: It was right over there.
14928,49,3,5,"(Barney points to booth behind them) (flashback to 'the year 2001,' Barney, Ted and Marshall sit at booth)"
14929,49,3,5,"Barney: Here's your problem, you've only slept with one woman. Those kind of stats are only okay if you're eleven. But tonight, we're getting you a new girl because Marshall Eriksen, from this moment on, I make all your decisions for you."
14930,49,3,5,"Marshall: I'm sorry, who are you again?"
14931,49,3,5,"Ted: This is Barney, I met him the other day. He's kind of a jackass."
14932,49,3,5,"Barney: I'm teaching Ted how to live, and lucky you, I have room for one more student. Think of me as Yoda, only instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro. I'm bro-da. And tonight you are gonna use The Force to get the hottest chick in this bar into bed."
14933,49,3,5,"Ted: You're gonna use force? 'Cause that sounds wrong, bro-da."
14934,49,3,5,"Barney: No, The Force. It's a Star Wars reference."
14935,49,3,5,"Ted: So we should make lots of Star Wars references around girls, that's what you're saying?"
14936,49,3,5,Marshall: I'm not gonna cheat on my girlfriend.
14937,49,3,5,"Barney: Yes, you are, with the hottie that just walked in. Look at her."
14938,49,3,5,(Ted and Marshall turn to look at girl Barney's talking about and notices that it's Lily)
14939,49,3,5,"Barney: How much hotter is she than your girlfriend? Marshall: There's no comparison. What do you think, Ted? Go for it? Ted: Oh, don't do it, man. Think about Lily."
14940,49,3,5,"Marshall: You know what, I don't care. I've been with one woman for too long. I need me some strange."
14941,49,3,5,"Barney: Yes, yes, pep talk. You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can't. You're way out of practice and she is way too hot for you. So, remember, tonight isn't about scoring, it's about believing that you can do it even though you probably can't. Go get him, tiger."
14942,49,3,5,"(Marshall gets up and walks over to bar, Ted moves to other side of booth and sits next to Barney)"
14943,49,3,5,Barney: Poor guy's gonna crash and burn.
14944,49,3,5,(Marshall walks over and kisses Lily)
14945,49,3,5,Barney: That man is a god.
14946,49,3,5,(back to present scene)
14947,49,3,5,"Marshall: For like a week after, Barney followed me around, asking me to teach him how to live. I even got him to do my laundry once."
14948,49,3,5,Barney: I thought it was a Mr. Miyagi kind of thing.
14949,49,3,5,"(Lily, Ted and Blah-blah walk back over to booth)"
14950,49,3,5,"Lily: Marshall, I need to talk to you. Can we go somewhere in private?"
14951,49,3,5,"Marshall: Yeah, of course, what's wrong?"
14952,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Lily and Ted made out. What do you think of that, Robin? Marshall: What are you talking about? Lily: You know that guy I made out with at the freshman orientation party?"
14953,49,3,5,Marshall: Too-much-tongue guy? Yeah.
14954,49,3,5,Ted: And you know that girl I made out with at the freshman orientation party?
14955,49,3,5,Marshall: Unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl? Yeah.
14956,49,3,5,Ted: I'm too-much-tongue guy.
14957,49,3,5,Lily: And I'm unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl.
14958,49,3,5,Barney: Worst superheroes ever.
14959,49,3,5,"Lily: Baby, I am so sorry."
14960,49,3,5,"Marshall: I don't think you need to be. I was at that party. It was dark, and granted, I had eaten quite a few sandwiches but I'm a hundred percent sure that unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl was Alexa Leskies, it's not Lily."
14961,49,3,5,"Ted: Really? Marshall: Yeah, I'm positive. And too-much-tongue guy was Colin O'Riley."
14962,49,3,5,"Lily: Are you sure? Marshall: If it wasn't, I peed in the wrong guy's shampoo, man."
14963,49,3,5,(Marshall and Lily kiss)
14964,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: (to Ted) You don't really believe that, do you? You swore it was Lily."
14965,49,3,5,Ted: I guess I made a mistake. Must have been Alexa.
14966,49,3,5,"Blah-blah: Another girl, Ted? Who haven't you made out with? You know what, I don't need this. I design handbags. I'm writing a memoir. I'm a superstar. This is totally my year. Someday the name Blah-blah will be up in lights. Ted, next time you're online playing World of Warcraft, don't even think about chatting with me."
14967,49,3,5,(Blah-blah gets up and leaves)
14968,49,3,5,Barney: World of Warcraft? The online role playing game? That's how you two met online?
14969,49,3,5,"(flashback, computer screen with armor-suited warrior-type avatar and female avatar conversing)"
14970,49,3,5,Warrior Avatar: We should grab some coffee sometime...
14971,49,3,5,"Female Avatar: Yes, we should."
14972,49,3,5,Warrior Avatar: What's your name?
14973,49,3,5,Female Avatar: Ted. What's yours?
14974,49,3,5,(back to present scene)
14975,49,3,5,"Ted: Yeah, it's really, it's a cool game."
14976,49,3,5,"Future Ted VO: So, suffice it to say, Blah-blah did not turn out to be your mother. As for the girl I made out with at the party..."
14977,49,3,5,(flashback scene of College Ted and College Lily kissing)
14978,49,3,5,"Future Ted VO:...there wasn't a doubt in my mind, that was your Aunt Lily."
14979,49,3,5,"(flashback scenes from Lily and Marshall's telling of the story of how they met - College Lily setting up her stereo, College Lily walking down hallway to room 110, College Marshall opens door)"
14980,49,3,5,"Future Ted VO: But you know that magical story of how she and Uncle Marshall met, it was worth preserving, so I kept my mouth shut."
14981,49,3,5,(flashback of Blah-blah and Ted talking)
14982,49,3,5,Ted: I guess I made a mistake. Must have been Alexa.
14983,49,3,5,EXT. BUILDING
14984,49,3,5,"(subtitled, 'the year 2020)"
14985,49,3,5,INT. COLLEGE REUNION
14986,49,3,5,Future Ted VO: Until our 20th college reunion when I ran into Alexa Leskies.
14987,49,3,5,"(Ted and Alexa sitting down, Ted showing her pictures)"
14988,49,3,5,"Alexa: So, Ted, remember the last time we were here?"
14989,49,3,5,Ted: You and me? No idea.
14990,49,3,5,"Alexa: Ted, come on. Freshman year, we were both pretty drunk?"
14991,49,3,5,"(flashback to College Ted making out with College Alexa, camera pans to show College Lily kissing another guy)"
14992,49,3,5,Ted: That was you?
14993,49,3,5,"(Ted rushes up from table) Ted: Lily, we never made out."
14994,49,3,5,Lily: I know.
14995,49,3,5,Ted: So I am not too-much-tongue guy.
14996,49,3,5,Alexa: Actually.
14997,49,3,5,Ted: No.
14998,49,3,5,"(back from commercial break) (subtitled, 'the year 2020', Ted and Lily sit at table, Marshall joins them)"
14999,49,3,5,Marshall: Look what I've confiscated from some kids.
15000,49,3,5,(Marshall pulls a sandwich in a plastic bag out from inside his jacket)
15001,49,3,5,Ted: That is a fat sandwich.
15002,49,3,5,"Marshall: I know, right?"
15003,49,3,5,"(Marshall raises his eyebrow, cut to Marshall, Lily and Ted sitting on floor in front of vending machine, Marshall passes sandwich to Lily, Lily takes a bit of sandwich)"
15004,49,3,5,"Marshall: Chew chew chew chew, swallow."
15005,49,3,5,"(Lily coughs a little, Marshall, Lily and Ted laugh)"
15006,49,3,5,"Marshall: It's all right, honey."
15007,49,3,5,Lily: Sandwiches are strong these days.
15008,49,3,5,(Ted takes sandwich from Lily)
15009,49,3,5,Ted: I can't believe I used to be able to eat a whole sandwich by myself. Now it's like two bites and I am done.
15010,49,3,5,(Ted takes a bit out of the sandwich)
15011,49,3,5,"Marshall: Baby, can we grow sandwiches behind the garage?"
15012,49,3,5,"Lily: Dude, we're 42."
15013,49,3,5,"(Marshall, Lily and Ted giggle)"
15014,49,3,5,Ted: Where's my wife?
15015,50,3,6,[Title: The Year 2007]
15016,50,3,6,Narrator: It was a quiet november afternoon in 2007.
15017,50,3,6,[The Apartment - Ted]
15018,50,3,6,"Narrator: I was working from home, because, you know, no distractions."
15019,50,3,6,"(Baney get into the apartment, and Marshall get out of his bedroom, at the same time)"
15020,50,3,6,Barney: This is incredible!
15021,50,3,6,Marshall: (At the same time) Oh my God! I can't believe it!
15022,50,3,6,Barney: I have big news!
15023,50,3,6,Marshall: (At the same time) Oh my God!
15024,50,3,6,"Barney: Okay. My thing's pretty huge. But fine, you can go first."
15025,50,3,6,"Marshall: Okay, I just found out..."
15026,50,3,6,Barney: I just find a porno starring Ted Mosby!
15027,50,3,6,Ted: What are you... What you're talking about?
15028,50,3,6,"Barney: I'm talking about welcome to the s*x plane, and look who plays the navigator, Ted Mosby (He shows a porno dvd)"
15029,50,3,6,"Ted: Oh, it's the same exact spelling as my name."
15030,50,3,6,"Marshall: Okay, you know, cute coincidence, Barney. Whatever. I just got on the phone with the NR..."
15031,50,3,6,Ted: Oh my God. This totally explains the thing at my doctor's the other day.
15032,50,3,6,"[Flashback - At the doctor's - Ted/Ted doctor's]The doctor: Open wide. I guess you're more used to saying that hearing it, huh, Ted Mosby?"
15033,50,3,6,[End Flashback]Ted: Who is this guy? And why my doctor watching p0rn?
15034,50,3,6,Barney: All right. Let's meet your new doppelganger. Or should I say doppel banger.
15035,50,3,6,"Marshall: Guys, guys, guys! Can I tell my news? It's pretty..."
15036,50,3,6,Ted: This is really bizarre. The only other famous Mosby I know was a confederate general during the civil war.
15037,50,3,6,Barney: Probably not the same guy.
15038,50,3,6,Marshall (yelling): I got the job at the NRDC.
15039,50,3,6,"Ted: You got the job! Oh, yeah!"
15040,50,3,6,[Pictures and vid of the Environment]
15041,50,3,6,"Narrator: The NRDC, or natural ressources defense council, fought for preserve american clean water, fresh air and to preserve's america's wilderness. It was Marshall's dream job."
15042,50,3,6,"[The Apartment - Ted/Marshall/Barney - He watchs ""Welcome to the s*x place"" a p0rn]"
15043,50,3,6,"Ted: Congrats, buddy."
15044,50,3,6,Marshall: Thanks. It's kind of weird hugging with p0rn on.
15045,50,3,6,"Ted: Yeah, it really is."
15046,50,3,6,"Barney: Oh, hey, hey-o. New guy entering the cockpit. Could it be the navigator, Ted Mosby."
15047,50,3,6,"Ted: Uh, no. No, navigators have three stripes on their hats. Captains have four. That guy's a captain."
15048,50,3,6,"Barney: Yeah, and I'm sure complete accuracy in all those details was very important to the directors... ""Dirt and skank, the raunch brothers""."
15049,50,3,6,(Lily and Robin come in)
15050,50,3,6,"Marshall: Baby, I have some exciting news."
15051,50,3,6,Lily: I hope it's not that you just won some sort of race here.
15052,50,3,6,Marshall: I got the job at the NRDC.
15053,50,3,6,Lily: Wow.
15054,50,3,6,Barney: And I found a porno starring Ted Mosby.
15055,50,3,6,"Lily (to Marshall): Oh my God, that's amazing!"
15056,50,3,6,"Barney: I know, right?"
15057,50,3,6,"Robin: Oh, congratulations, Marshall!"
15058,50,3,6,Barney: Congratulation for us all.
15059,50,3,6,"Lily: Oh, let's go celebrate."
15060,50,3,6,Barney: The fact that I found a porno starring a guy named Ted Mosby... Let's do it!
15061,50,3,6,"Robin: Oh, is that him? Cause that Ted Mosby really knows what he's doing."
15062,50,3,6,"Ted: No, that's not him. What do you mean, ""that"" Ted Mosby really knows what he's doing?"
15063,50,3,6,"Robin: Oh, no! No, I meant, that Ted Mosby, he really knows what he's doing. Like all Ted Mosbys. (to Marshall) Wow, NRDC! Way to go, Marshall."
15064,50,3,6,"Lily: But you're still gonna go to your job interview today, right, baby?"
15065,50,3,6,"Narrator: Marshall had an interview (Picture of a building) at a firm called Nicholson, Hewitt and West. (Video of a factory unit) They represented, well, pretty much everybody Marshall was going to sue (Video of a tree in the process of uproot) once he started at the NRDC."
15066,50,3,6,(The Apartment)
15067,50,3,6,Marshall: I'm not doing that interview. Those people are evil.
15068,50,3,6,"Lily: Marshall, your dad went through a lot of trouble to set this up. You can't just pull out at the last second."
15069,50,3,6,Robin: Apparently you can.
15070,50,3,6,"Barney: Ted, Ted, Ted, guy in the hat! Three stripes, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ted Mosby, p0rn star."
15071,50,3,6,"Robin: I know what kind of plane this is. It's a ""boing""."
15072,50,3,6,"Barney: See, this is way better than Marshall's intership."
15073,50,3,6,Marshall: It's a real job.
15074,50,3,6,"Ted: Who is this guy? Are we related? Do, do I look like him?"
15075,50,3,6,"Marshall: Hmm. It's hard to tell. Go, go like this."
15076,50,3,6,All: Oh yeah. A little bit. Yeah.
15077,50,3,6,Barney: More around the eyes.
15078,50,3,6,"Robin: Oh, I do see that."
15079,50,3,6,"[""How I Met Your Mother"", credits]"
15080,50,3,6,[The Bar - Lily/Barney/Robin/Ted]
15081,50,3,6,"Wendy: And here's you water, in case you're dehydrated, Ted Mosby."
15082,50,3,6,"Ted: Ah, ah, very funny, Wendy. Now we know you watch p0rn. (She leaves) This Ted Mosby must be getting kind of famous."
15083,50,3,6,"Barney: Hmm. You're not wrong. (He looks on his phone) According to the web site, of the far superior Ted Mosby... he's been in the business three months, and he's made 125 movies."
15084,50,3,6,"Robin: Wow. That's 42 movies a month. Who is he, Jude Law? Right? He makes a lot of movies. I mean, not so much lately, but maybe, like, two years ago, you couldn't go to a movie without..."
15085,50,3,6,Ted: Shh.
15086,50,3,6,"Barney Oh, hey, look, check it out. Ted Mosby did an interview in Adult Video Weekly."
15087,50,3,6,"Ted: Adult Video Weekly? Oh, no..."
15088,50,3,6,[Flashback - The Apartment - Ted/Lily/Marshall]
15089,50,3,6,(The phone ring. Ted pick up the phone)
15090,50,3,6,Ted: Hello?
15091,50,3,6,"Leonard: Hi, I'm looking for Ted Mosby. It's Leonard Ross from AVW."
15092,50,3,6,Ted: Oh my God! (To Marshall and Lily) AVW? It's architecture vision weekly.
15093,50,3,6,(To Leonard) Wow. I've been reading your magazine since I was a little kid.
15094,50,3,6,"Leonard: Well, that's a bummer. Anyway, I'm calling to interview you about your latest project."
15095,50,3,6,"Ted: Well, I don't want to say it's my project. I mean, I'll be working with at least three partners."
15096,50,3,6,Leonard: Oh! Group scene. Always fun.
15097,50,3,6,"Ted: Yeah. Yeah. I'm really looking forward to it. I mean, I know they're gonna ride me pretty hard but they're great guys."
15098,50,3,6,"Leonard: Guys? Oh, wouah, there's a scoop."
15099,50,3,6,[End Flashback]
15100,50,3,6,Ted: That interview went on for 20 more minutes.
15101,50,3,6,"Lily: ""This project was so demanding, I can't tell you how many nights I spent bent over a table."""
15102,50,3,6,(Marshall comes in)
15103,50,3,6,"Lily: Oh, hey, baby, how'd the interview go?"
15104,50,3,6,"Marshall: Um, interesting. There I am in the office of Jefferson Coatsworth and I figure I'm not gonna take this job anyway, I might as well give this old b*st*rd a piece of mind. Jefferson Coastworth wasn't what I expected."
15105,50,3,6,[Flashback - Jefferson Coastworth's office - Marshall/Jefferson]
15106,50,3,6,"Jefferson: Marshall, Jefferson Coastworth."
15107,50,3,6,Marshall: Hello.
15108,50,3,6,"Jefferson: Dude, I am so, so psyched that you're here. Can I beer ya?"
15109,50,3,6,"Narrator: Marshall was thrown. This guy seemed nice. Of course, he wasn't."
15110,50,3,6,
15111,50,3,6,[Title: Three Years Later]
15112,50,3,6,(Jefferson go out of a tribunal. A lot of media and photographer are here)
15113,50,3,6,Jefferson: Go to hell! I'd do it again! (To the media) I'm innocent. I'm innoncent.
15114,50,3,6,[Jefferson Coastworth's office - Marshall/Jefferson]
15115,50,3,6,"Jefferson: Marshall, why don't you want to work at Nicholson, Hewitt and West?"
15116,50,3,6,"Marshall: Right, um, okay, Jeff, I've actually given this a lot of thought..."
15117,50,3,6,"Jeff: I'm sorry. Stop. I can't do this with a straight face. You don't want to work here. You're only here 'cause your dad went to high school with Joe Hewitt. Fact is, you just got a sweet job at the NRDC. And it's awesome. Man, I could have gone the non-profit route. I didn't. And it eats me up inside every day. I hate myself. I hate myself."
15118,50,3,6,[End Flashback]
15119,50,3,6,[The Bar - All]
15120,50,3,6,"Barney: Oh, he is good. Classic seduction technique."
15121,50,3,6,Marshall: What do you mean?
15122,50,3,6,"Barney: Oh, I use it all the time. First I buy her... and by her I mean you... a drink. Now, I'm the guy who gets her what she wants. Then I pretend to care about whatever idiotic thing she cares about. For you, that would be the enviroment. Now, I'm the great guy who shares her interests. And before you know it, you're naked in my apartment, shouting ""oh-oh Bar-r-r-ne-e-y""! And by you, I mean her."
15123,50,3,6,Marshall: He is not trying to seduce me. He didn't even offer me the job.
15124,50,3,6,"Barney: That comes later. At dinner. He did invite you to dinner, didn't he?"
15125,50,3,6,[Flashback - Jefferson Coastworth's office - Marshall/Jeff]
15126,50,3,6,"Jeff: Let me buy you a dinner. Tomorrow night. As a thank you, okay? You'll tell me all about the NRDC, and we'll charge it all to one of my evil clients."
15127,50,3,6,"Marshall: I, you know, I don't know if..."
15128,50,3,6,"Jeff: Marshall, you know what kobe beef is?"
15129,50,3,6,Marshall: The most expensive beef in the world.
15130,50,3,6,Jeff: The place I'm taking you has kobe lobster. That is lobster fed with kobe beef.
15131,50,3,6,[End flashback]
15132,50,3,6,[The Bar - All]
15133,50,3,6,Marshall: Oh my God. He's trying to seduce me.
15134,50,3,6,Robin: So are you gonna go to dinner with him?
15135,50,3,6,Marshall: No. No way. I promise myself to the NRDC. I'm not that kind of lawyer.
15136,50,3,6,"Lily: Oh, you should go. I mean, you're not gonna take the job, but you might as well get a great meal out of the deal."
15137,50,3,6,Barney: Don't wait up.
15138,50,3,6,"Robin: Guys, guys, guys, check this out. Ted Mosby p0rn star's bio says his hometown is your hometown. Shaker Heights, Ohio."
15139,50,3,6,"Ted: What? Okay, this is getting creepy. Who, who is this guy? I gotta find him."
15140,50,3,6,"Robin: Well, it's your lucky day. He's gonna be signing autographs tomorrow night in Manhattan at something called the Adult Video Expo."
15141,50,3,6,"Lily: Hmm. Wait, are you telling me that they actually have conventions for p0rn?"
15142,50,3,6,Barney: Affirmative. Or to put in another way... God bless America.
15143,50,3,6,[At the Restaurant - Marshall/Jeff]
15144,50,3,6,Marshall: You can really taste the beef in that lobster.
15145,50,3,6,"Jeff: Right, listen, I know we're only here to screw over my client, who quite frankly deserves it... hum, but I gotta be able to tell the guys upstairs I gave you the spiel, okay? So, first up, starting salary. (He gives him a paper)."
15146,50,3,6,"Marshall: Okay. Here we go. This is the big number that's supposed to impress me and... (He looks at the paper) whoa, that's a BIG number."
15147,50,3,6,"Jeff:There's also a signing bonus, uh, use of a company car, expense account, blah, blah, blah. Hey, by the way, turn around and wave to Patrick Swayze."
15148,50,3,6,"Marshall: Hey, I'm going to, uh, try to remain cool. But you know Patrick Swayze?!"
15149,50,3,6,"Jeff: He's a client. Who do you think bought us this wine? (To Patrick) Crazy, Swayze. Cheers, buddy."
15150,50,3,6,"Marshall: Okay, no. Jeff, this is all very impressive, but I just don't think that..."
15151,50,3,6,"Jeff: Listen, I know, I know. You are not gonna be tempted by big numbers and fancy perks. You're gonna do the noble thing, take the low-paying job at the NRDC, live off you family money."
15152,50,3,6,Marshall: Family money?
15153,50,3,6,"Jeff: You do have family money, don't you?"
15154,50,3,6,"Marshall: No, hum, not that I know of. I do have an uncle who owns a, a pretty successful bait shop."
15155,50,3,6,Jeff: NRDC. No family money. Hum. So you don't plane on having kids?
15156,50,3,6,"Marshall: Actually, I want to have four kids."
15157,50,3,6,"Jeff: Well. New York public school make a lot of parents nervous, but the kids who walk out, walk out proud."
15158,50,3,6,"Narrator: He was surely doing a tough decision. Now, kids, when I'm faced with a tough decision, I like to make a list of pros and cons. Marshall knew all cons. (We see the list. Pros: Money, Security, Swayze. Cons: Evil.) But there is one thing he didn't know, a big guy live in a pros con."
15159,50,3,6,[The Apartment - Robin/Lily]
15160,50,3,6,"Robin: Lily, you're a kindergarten teacher?"
15161,50,3,6,Lily: Yeah.
15162,50,3,6,Narrator: Cause Robin was about to ask Lily the one question...
15163,50,3,6,"Robin: And you make a kindergarten teacher's salary, right?"
15164,50,3,6,Lily: Yeah.
15165,50,3,6,Narrator: That Lily had been dreading for years.
15166,50,3,6,"Robin: Well, how do you afford all of these expensive clothes?"
15167,50,3,6,Lily: I shop the sales. There were in the closet when we moved in. I steal. I'm a criminal. I once shot a man just to watch him die.
15168,50,3,6,Robin: Lily?
15169,50,3,6,"Lily: Oh, okay."
15170,51,3,7,[the year 2030]
15171,51,3,7,Narrator: everybody make mistakes. Take this girl Meg for instance
15172,51,3,7,[the year 2007 - the bar - Barney/Meg]
15173,51,3,7,"Narrator: She made a mistake, a mistake named Barney."
15174,51,3,7,"Meg: Yeah i thought i was gonna get married to my last boyfriend but, boy, did that guy have commitment issues! That whole relationships, that 3 weeks of my life i'll never get back."
15175,51,3,7,"Barney: Well, I love commitment. I wish i could marry commitment."
15176,51,3,7,[The appartement - Ted/Barney]
15177,51,3,7,Barney: I met a girl last night.
15178,51,3,7,Ted: Really?
15179,51,3,7,Barney: So perky and full of life and not at all fake.
15180,51,3,7,"Ted: You're talking about her boobs, right?"
15181,51,3,7,"Barney: C! And that wasn't spanish, that was cup size! What up!"
15182,51,3,7,Ted: So these boobs...
15183,51,3,7,Barney: Mmmm...
15184,51,3,7,Ted: Paint me a word picture.
15185,51,3,7,"Barney: All right, Ted. Imagine the heads of two Irish babies. Let's call them...(bbllluuuuu) and (bllluuu)"
15186,51,3,7,Lily: Please stop!
15187,51,3,7,Lily and Marshall eat near the sofa.
15188,51,3,7,"Narrator: When you get married you start out growing certain parts of your life; and for Lily and Marshall, those certain parts were, for the most part, me."
15189,51,3,7,"(Lily walks toward the bathroom, open the door and yells, Ted gets out the bathroom, only dressed by a bath towel, an electric razor in a hand)"
15190,51,3,7,Ted: Why could you come in? you hear me shaving!
15191,51,3,7,Lily: I thought you were shaving your face!
15192,51,3,7,"Ted: Well, clearly i wasn't!"
15193,51,3,7,[The apartment -Barney/robin- They smoke a cigar and watch a catch game on tv]Together: Oh! No no!
15194,51,3,7,Barney (to Robin): Pay up! pussy!
15195,51,3,7,(Marshall gets out of his bedroom)
15196,51,3,7,"Marshall: Guys, it's 3:00 in the morning and it reeks in here."
15197,51,3,7,Robin: Ted said it was okay.
15198,51,3,7,"Ted (gets out of the kitchen): Ah, hey, Marshall. You're still up? Aren't you taking the bar tomorrow?"
15199,51,3,7,"Narrator: Discontent was bubbling under this surface, until one day..."
15200,51,3,7,"[The apartment -Marshall comes toward Ted, furious]"
15201,51,3,7,"Marshall: Ted! How many times have i asked you to put the lid back on the peanut butter jar? (Ted wants to speak but Marshall goes on) It's this sort of incoiderate, immature jackassery that makes me feel like i'm living in the Realworld house, and not the early years when they all had jobs and social consciences. I'm talking about Hawaii and after! I can't take this anymore!"
15202,51,3,7,"Ted, Lily and i are married now! It's time! We're getting our own place!"
15203,51,3,7,"Lily (on the sofa): Actually, I left the lid open. Sorry baby."
15204,51,3,7,"Narrator: But still, it was time to move forward. So they set out to find a new apartment to rent."
15205,51,3,7,[The bar- Marshall/lily- they're on the web]
15206,51,3,7,"Marshall: Hey, here's one. Private building, recently renovated, hardwood floors, tons of light, two bedroom, 2 bath."
15207,51,3,7,"Lily: Oh yeah, but that one's not for rent. It's for sale!"
15208,51,3,7,Marshall: Oh right!
15209,51,3,7,"Narrator: Kids, uncle Marshall always like to say that he made 3 big mistakes in his life. This was the first (Marshall, when he was kid, on his roof with cardboard wings is going to jump). This was the second (Marshall shaves his head just before his weeding with lily). And this was the third and biggest."
15210,51,3,7,Marshall: You should buy a place!
15211,51,3,7,Lily: what?
15212,51,3,7,"Marshall: Baby, real estate is always a good investment!"
15213,51,3,7,Narrator: It's not!
15214,51,3,7,Marshall: And the market is really hot right now.
15215,51,3,7,NArrator: It wasn't.
15216,51,3,7,"Marshall: And because of my new job, we are in such a strong place financially."
15217,51,3,7,Narrator: They weren't. 'Cause Lily had a secret.
15218,51,3,7,[Flashback: Shopaholic reunion - Lily/Robin]
15219,51,3,7,Lily: Hy! My name is Lily and I'm a shopaholic.
15220,51,3,7,"Robin (alone): Hi, Lily. O, you guys don't do that here? sorry. (to lily) Proceed."
15221,51,3,7,"Lily: I buy designer clothes and accessories that i can't afford. I have 15 creditcards and they're all maxed out. And no one outside of this room, not even my husband, knows. And i feel terrible because all i want to do right now is ask you (to a girl of the meeting) where you got those shoes? They're adorable."
15222,51,3,7,[End flashback]
15223,51,3,7,"Lily: we can't buy, we have debt."
15224,51,3,7,"Marshall: Yeah, i know, my sudent loans are pretty big."
15225,51,3,7,Lily: I forgive you.
15226,51,3,7,Marshall: What?
15227,51,3,7,"Lily: Well... I'm just saying as your wife, you know i'm cool that you spent tens of thousands of dollars on a brand name law school because i know it make you feel good and pretty."
15228,51,3,7,Marshall: Let's just go take a look at this place.
15229,51,3,7,Lily: Where is it?
15230,51,3,7,"Marshall: Uh, it's in a neighborhood called... Dowisetrepla?"
15231,51,3,7,Lily: Dowisetrepla?
15232,51,3,7,"[A building in Dowisetrepla- An appartment -Marshall/Lily/An estate agent]The estate agent: Dowisetrepla. Oh, i see, you're not New Yorkers."
15233,51,3,7,"Marshall: O, Actually we live on the Upper West side, so..."
15234,51,3,7,"The estate agent: No need to be embarassed, listen, here in New York we just shorten the names of all the neighborhood: soho, trybeka, nolita,..."
15235,51,3,7,"Lily: O right Dowisetrepla! No, i'm from New york. I know this neighborhood. I'm down in the D-town."
15236,51,3,7,"The estate agent: Oh, well, nobody calls it D-town. Dowistrepla the up-and-coming neighborhood. And i have to tell you, for these prices you're not going to be able to find an other..."
15237,51,3,7,"Marshall: I'm, I'm gonna stop you right there. Dont bother with the hard sell. This place is, is way out of our price range, and besides, we've only just started to looking."
15238,51,3,7,Narrator: Is what Marshall should have said.
15239,51,3,7,[Rewind] Marshall: I'm gonna stop you right there. I LOVE IT. LET'S GET IT!
15240,51,3,7,"[""How I Met Your Mother"", credits]"
15241,51,3,7,[The dowisetrepla apartment - All]
15242,51,3,7,Marshall: Thank you guys for coming down here so quickly.
15243,51,3,7,Ted: I've never been to this neighborhood. Kind of thought this part of town was water
15244,51,3,7,"Marshall: No, Dude. This is dowisetrepla."
15245,51,3,7,Ted: Dowisetrepla?
15246,51,3,7,Marshall: yeah!
15247,51,3,7,Ted: Is that an abbreviation for something?
15248,51,3,7,Marshall: pffff (to the estate agent) he's from Ohio. (to Ted) Dowisetrepla is the up-and-coming neighborhood.
15249,51,3,7,Ted: oh!
15250,51,3,7,"Marshall: I think this right the place where lily and i start a family, I can see it now."
15251,51,3,7,"[Marshall's thought] He plays drumps with his 3 boys in a band """
15252,51,3,7,"Marshall: All right, bring it home, boys!"
15253,51,3,7,Lily comes with a child and a cake in her hands
15254,51,3,7,Lily: Sounds great boys! Who wants chocolate pancakes?
15255,51,3,7,Boys:Tthanks mommy!
15256,51,3,7,[End]
15257,51,3,7,"Marshall: Man, life is gonna be sweet!"
15258,51,3,7,"Robin: Oh my god lily, have you seen this kitchen?"
15259,51,3,7,Lily: I know. It's... Isn't it amazing?
15260,51,3,7,Robin: What the hell are you doing? You can't buy this place; lily you have a debt of the size of Mount Waddington!
15261,51,3,7,Lily: Waddington?
15262,51,3,7,Robin: It's the tallest mountain in Canada. It's like 4000 meters high.
15263,51,3,7,Lily: meters?
15264,51,3,7,"Robin: Ro, don't let Marshall fall in love with this apartment."
15265,51,3,7,"Lily: I know, i know, i know, i know! But what do i tell him?"
15266,51,3,7,"Robin: I-I don't know, tell him, tell him you saw a ghost. Tell him it's haunted."
15267,51,3,7,Lily: You really don't know Marshall at all.
15268,51,3,7,"[The living room- Barney makes a sign to the estate agent]Barney: So, uh, the owners, where are they?"
15269,51,3,7,"The estate agent: Oh, they're on vacation in France for 2 weeks."
15270,51,3,7,"Barney: I see. Between you and me, i'm also interested in this apartment. So is there any way i could come back later and check it out while you'rte showing them other places?"
15271,51,3,7,"The estate agent: The lockbox combination is 1421, and here's my card."
15272,51,3,7,(Ted comes to Barney)
15273,51,3,7,Ted: Are you serious? You're trying to sneak this apartment away from Marshall and Lily?
15274,51,3,7,"Barney: Ted, do you think i have no morals whatsoever? I simply want to fool a girl into thinking this is my apartment so i can nail her once and never have to see her again. I'm not a monster!"
15275,51,3,7,(Lily&Marshall talk to the estate agent)
15276,51,3,7,"The estate agent: Now, listen, i don't want to put a lot of pressure on you, but there is one other couple that expressed very serious interest"
15277,51,3,7,"Marshall: I see what you're doing here. ""another couple"", please, that crap is page one out of the Realtor's playbook. And we're not buying it."
15278,51,3,7,Narrator: Is what Marshall should have said.
15279,51,3,7,Marshall: Another couple? No! We want it. Sell it to us. We'll give you so much more money.
15280,51,3,7,"Lily: Oh Marshall, can i talk to you? Marshall, i just... I don't know if now is the right time to buy."""
15281,51,3,7,"Marshall: But we're not doing this for now, we're doing this for our future. Can't you imagine starting a family here?"
15282,51,3,7,[Lily's thought] She paints a picture then talks to her 2 girls
15283,51,3,7,Lily: oh persephone! oh daphne! these'll be perfect additions to our upcoming mother-daughter exhibit at the Met.
15284,51,3,7,(Marshall comes with a cat and a cake in his hands)
15285,51,3,7,Marshall: Looks great girls. Who wants crapes of
15286,51,3,7,Girls: Merci papa (en francais)
15287,51,3,7,[End flashback]
15288,51,3,7,The estate agent: So... What do you guys think?
15289,51,3,7,"Lily: I love it, but Marshall, i should have told you this long time ago. We can't afford to buy an apartment because i have too much credit card debt. I am so sorry."
15290,51,3,7,Narrator: Is what she should have said.
15291,51,3,7,Lily (to marshall): I love it. Let's get it. (to the agent) Can we charge it?
15292,51,3,7,[The bar ]Ted: To Lily and Marshall and their momentous step forward into adulthood.
15293,51,3,7,All: Cheers! Chug! chug! chug! chug! drink it! yes! Well done. Nice! yeah!
15294,51,3,7,The waitress: Anything else?
15295,51,3,7,"Marshall: Yes! I've been staring at that thing for years. Wendy, bring me the comically large bottle of champagne."
15296,51,3,7,Wendy: Really? Are you sure? It's never been refrigerated. And i think at some point there was a fish in it.
15297,51,3,7,"Marshall: Honey, once you've made the sale, stop selling."
15298,51,3,7,"Wendy: All right, but you guys have to help me carry it."
15299,51,3,7,"Marshall, Ted, Barney: All right, let's do it. Let's do it."
15300,51,3,7,"Lily (to Robin): I know what you're thinking. I should tell Marshall the truth. I've got the whole thing figure out. We'll apply for the loan under Marshall's name, and he'll never need to know. And then in the meantime, i'll slowly work down my debt, right after i furnish the apartment. I saw this amazing leather sofa today."
15301,51,3,7,Robin: you should be a reality show.
15302,51,3,7,(The guys carry the bottle of champagne on the table): nice! nice!
15303,51,3,7,Marshall (to Ted): Wait! That cork is the size of a softball and you're pointing it directly at Wendy the waitress's face.
15304,51,3,7,Narrator: Is what he should have said.
15305,51,3,7,[black background]
15306,51,3,7,"[The building in Dowisetrepla]Narrator: Now if you are thinking about buying an apartment, it's always good to check the place out at night."
15307,51,3,7,(Barney comes into the apartment with a girl)
15308,51,3,7,Barney: Welcome to my humble abode.
15309,51,3,7,The girl: This place is so nice.
15310,51,3,7,"Barney: Ah, make yourself at home. Please get comfortable. If you see something you like, just take it."
15311,51,3,7,The girl (taking picture on the table): Who are these people?
15312,51,3,7,Barney: Uh... That's my parents.
15313,51,3,7,The girl: They're Asian.
15314,51,3,7,"Barney: Yeah! They're a chinese couple that wanted a white baby, it works both ways. Cookie?"
15315,51,3,7,The girl: Wow! Did you make those?
15316,51,3,7,Barney: You got me. My sisters taught me how to bake and how to listen.
15317,51,3,7,"The girl: Wow, i feel so at home here."
15318,51,3,7,"Barney: I'm glad. Sometimes, i don't. A place like this really needs a lady of the house. I know it's early to be thinking of you as... Oh, God, i'm freaking you out, aren't I? It's just you make me feel so safe. I didn't..."""
15319,51,3,7,(The girl starts kissing Barney)
15320,51,3,7,"[A bank's office - Lily/Marshall/a bank employee]Narrator: The next day, Lily and Marshall went to the mortgage broker to get a loan."
15321,51,3,7,"Marshall: Hey, uh, can we get this in singles? Before we get the apartment i want to put in a kiddie pool and swim around in it naked. (laugh)"
15322,51,3,7,"Bank employee: Great, that is great"
15323,51,3,7,Marshall: Thank you.
15324,51,3,7,"Bank employee: okay! All right, back to business. All right, MRS Aldrin, i'm going to need your social as well."
15325,51,3,7,"Lily: What? Why? I mean, you already have Marshall's."
15326,51,3,7,"Bank employee: Yes, but since you're a married couple, you'll be applying for a joint loan, so."
15327,51,3,7,"Lily: Well, can we just go ahead and do it in my husband's name? He's the head of the household. He earns the big bucks. I mean, can women even own property?"
15328,51,3,7,"Marshall: Go ahead, just give him your social."
15329,51,3,7,"Lily: Okay my... my social is, uh... 1glmmdhgj2."
15330,51,3,7,Bank employee: Got it! Let's see what kind of rate i can get you 2.
15331,51,3,7,"Marshall: Under six percent, under six percent, please"
15332,51,3,7,"Bank employee: There we go, Congratulation you've been approved for a loan at 18%."
15333,51,3,7,Marshall: No way. That-that can't be right.
15334,51,3,7,Bank employee: you're lucky to be getting mortgage.
15335,51,3,7,"Lily: Let's get out of here, Marshall."
15336,51,3,7,"Marshall: Hold it, I- i don't understand. Did we do something wrong or...?"
15337,51,3,7,Bank employee: You have quite a bit of debt.
15338,51,3,7,"Marshall: My student loans. Great. I thought we were friends. you know what, it's fine to penalize me for trying to get an education and bud a career, but i will not let you deprive my beautiful wife of her dream home just because i..."
15339,51,3,7,"Bank employee: Okay, actually, it's because of your wife's credit card debt."
15340,51,3,7,(The bank employee shows on his computer the Lily's debt to Marshall. He seems astonished)
15341,51,3,7,"Lilly: Marshall, there's something i have to tell you, and i want you to hear it from me first."
15342,51,3,7,
15343,51,3,7,[The appartment - Ted/Barney/Robin - they come in]
15344,51,3,7,"Robin: Okay, let me get this straight. You just snuck this girl into some stranger's apartment?"
15345,51,3,7,"Barney: Yeah, we spent the night."
15346,51,3,7,"[Flashback: The morning, Barney and the girl are in the dowisetrepla apartment]"
15347,51,3,7,"Barney: Hey, look at you."
15348,51,3,7,Girl: I'm wearing your bathrobe. I hope you don't mind.
15349,51,3,7,Barney: The only thing missing from that bathrobe are your initials.
15350,51,3,7,(laugh)
15351,51,3,7,Girl: My mom's gonna be in town next week. It's okay if she stays with us?
15352,51,3,7,Barney: Only if she sleeps in the bed and i sleep on the couch.
15353,51,3,7,Girl: You're so sweet.
15354,51,3,7,"Barney: I love you. There, i said it and i'm not taking it back."
15355,51,3,7,Girl: Oh my god! I love you too. I'm finally not the first one to say it!
15356,51,3,7,"Barney: How about you get in the shower, and i will make us some waffles."
15357,51,3,7,"(They kiss, she goes to the bathroom, he left)"
15358,51,3,7,[End flashback]
15359,51,3,7,Barney: Works at every time.
15360,51,3,7,Robin: Wait. That time that you offered to walk my dogs when i went to visit my dad in Vancouver...
15361,51,3,7,Barney: Yup!
15362,51,3,7,Robiin: Is that why my Yorkie trembled for like a week after i got back?
15363,51,3,7,Barney: Yeah. That little guy saw some stuff i'm not proud of.
15364,51,3,7,(Ted looks worried)
15365,51,3,7,Robin: Wh-what?
15366,51,3,7,Ted: There was a fight here.
15367,51,3,7,Robin: What do you mean?
15368,51,3,7,"Ted: Whenever Marshall and Lily have a big argument, they always leave a trail of evidence all over the apartment."
15369,51,3,7,"Robin: Oh, God here we go. He had a detective club as a kid."
15370,51,3,7,Ted: HUm the Mosby boys cracked a lot of big cases.
15371,51,3,7,Robin: The Mosby boys? You mean you and your sister.
15372,51,3,7,Ted: We solved the mystery of the missing retainer.
15373,51,3,7,"Robin: Let me guess, it was in the garbage."
15374,51,3,7,"Ted: Why are you like this? Anyway, this is serious. I know Lily and Marshall. All the tell tale signs are here. Like this"
15375,51,3,7,Robin: A water bott.
15376,51,3,7,Barney (to Robin): Don't touch the evidence. (to Ted) I got your back partner.
15377,51,3,7,Ted: It's not stiny water bottle. Notice the label is peed off.
15378,51,3,7,"[Flashback - The apartment- Lily/Marshall - They quarrel]Ted (voice off): Lily always peels labels off the bottle when she's feeling guilty. This lab is not only peel off but torn up. Oh man, she must have done something bad. Which means Marshall must have been really angry, and when Marshall gets rely angry, he eats."
15379,51,3,7,[End flashback]
15380,51,3,7,"(Ted runs to the kitchen, picks up a ben & jerry ice cream on the floor)"
15381,51,3,7,"Ted: Just as i suspected, Cherry Garcia. Given the liquid consistency, i place the fight between... noon and 1."
15382,51,3,7,"Robin: Ew, that was on the floor."
15383,51,3,7,"Barney: If you wwant to get to the bottom of this, you're gonna need a stronger stomach than that, doll face."
15384,51,3,7,"Ted: Marshall stood here. Eating and yelling, yelling and eating. Lily stood here. Crying. (Ted takes a handkerchief on the bar of the kitchen)"
15385,51,3,7,"Robin: Hey, Ted!"
15386,51,3,7,Ted: And then Marshall tried to storm out... but Lily went for the Hail Marpass.
15387,51,3,7,(We see Lily jump on Marshall and kiss him) Which would mean... (Ted finds an underwear behind the pillows of the sofa).
15388,51,3,7,"Barney: What do you think, make obsess?"
15389,51,3,7,"Ted: There'd be a bigger mess. tempted as he was, Marshall was still too upset."
15390,51,3,7,"He had to get out of here, any way he could. He choose the door slamming it behind him."
15391,51,3,7,Robin: Which Is why this picture is crooked.
15392,51,3,7,"Ted: Nice catch, Robin."
15393,51,3,7,"Barney: I'll just, uh, take this down to the lab. (He wants to take the wonderbra. Robin grab it from him)."
15394,51,3,7,Ted: Now that we need is a motive. The million dollar question what were they fighting about?
15395,51,3,7,Robin: I know what they've been fighting...
15396,51,3,7,Ted: bup bup bup bup bup... Theres's only one possible conclusion. Lily and Marshall are fighting about peanut butter.
15397,51,3,7,Barney: Ah!
15398,51,3,7,Ted: Lily left the lid off... (Ted put dark sunglasses) and marshall blew heads.
15399,51,3,7,"Robin: I know what they were fighting about, and it wasn't peanut butter."
15400,51,3,7,"Barney: Robin, just..."
15401,51,3,7,"Ted: I appreciate your help, but there's a reason your name is Robin, not Batman."
15402,51,3,7,Barney (to Robin): Just...
15403,51,3,7,Robin: They were fighting because they didn't get the loan and it's all Lily's fault.
15404,51,3,7,"Barney: Robin, just..."
15405,51,3,7,Ted: What?
15406,51,3,7,"Robin: Yeah, she has a pile of debt the size of mount... Rushmore"
15407,51,3,7,"Ted: Nice try Robin. So, the next thing Lily did was give Marshall a few hours to cool off about the peanut butter. Then she called him to apologize, which is why the last number dialed is... (Ted take the phone and see the last number)"
15408,51,3,7,"Phone Voice: Greenstein and Lee, Divorce Attorneys. (Surprised, Ted throws the phone)"
15409,51,3,7,"[The apartment - Ted, Barney, Robin - They're sitting down the floor of the kitchen and eating ice cream]"
15410,51,3,7,Ted: This can't be happening.
15411,51,3,7,Barney: They can't... get divorced.
15412,51,3,7,"Ted: Not Lily and Marshall, no way."
15413,51,3,7,"Robin: Well, it's been nice knowing you guys."
15414,51,3,7,Ted: What do you mean?
15415,51,3,7,"Robin: Well, Marshall's gonna get yyou guys, Lily's gonna get me."
15416,51,3,7,"Ted: Even if they break up, that doesn't mean we can't all hangout. I mean we broke up and we still hang out. It's not weird."
15417,51,3,7,Robin: It's a little weird.
15418,51,3,7,"Ted: Yeah, it is. It's weird."
15419,51,3,7,"Barney: The world needs Marshall and Lily... together... I'm not crying, there's something in my eye."
15420,51,3,7,(keys noise)
15421,51,3,7,Robin: They're back.
15422,51,3,7,(Lily and Marshall come into the room)
15423,51,3,7,"Marshall: Hey, hey guys."
15424,51,3,7,Lily: We have an annoucement.
15425,51,3,7,"Barney (going to cry): I know, it's a terrible idea. You can't do it. Just look at me."
15426,51,3,7,Ted: I hit redial on the phone. Divorce lawyers?
15427,51,3,7,"Lily: Ow, I should explain. We got in a pretty big fight."
15428,51,3,7,"ted: Yeah, I know"
15429,51,3,7,Lily: Marshall stormed out.
15430,51,3,7,"Marshall: I went, uh, to the bar."
15431,51,3,7,"[Flashback: The bar- Marshall drinks the big bottle of champagne, Lily comes to him]"
15432,51,3,7,Lily: Still drinking that?
15433,51,3,7,"Marshall: I paid for it. And apparently money's tight now, so..."
15434,51,3,7,"Lily: Listen, i've been thinking about this, and i know there's no way to undo what i've done, but, well, I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer."
15435,51,3,7,Marshall: What?! What?!
15436,51,3,7,"Lily: Oh no no! no, no, no"
15437,51,3,7,Marshall (in the same time): You want a divorce now?
15438,51,3,7,"Lily: No! I just mean on papers, so that you can buy the apartment without my bad credit dragging us down."
15439,51,3,7,Marshall: Lily... are you trying to kill me?
15440,51,3,7,"Lily: I'm sorry, i shouldn't have led with the divorce lawyer part."
15441,51,3,7,"Marshall: No, you shouldn't have! I love you, Lily."
15442,51,3,7,"Lily: I love you too, and i want us to have our dream home. And well, i don't know, it seems like this is a way to do it. So Marshall Eriksen, will you divorce me?"
15443,51,3,7,Marshall: That's the sweetest divorce proposal i've ever heard.
15444,51,3,7,Lily: So is that a yes? You can't sleep with other women though.
15445,51,3,7,"Marshall: No we're not getting divorced, not even on paper. Lily, when i married you, i married your problems too. The ones i knew about and the ones i didn't. So that was the deal, we'll figure this out together. (They kiss, the waitress comes)"
15446,51,3,7,"Wendy, upset, with a black eye: Can i get you guys anything else?"
15447,51,3,7,[End flashback]
15448,51,3,7,Robin: So you're not getting a divorce?
15449,51,3,7,Lily: No!
15450,51,3,7,"Ted: Wow, guys! You scared us."
15451,51,3,7,"Barney: Oh, thank God. Cause, i mean, if you did then who'd be the lame married couple i get to make fun of? Like 'Hey Marshall, you're married mrs right, you just didn't know her first name was Always.' That stuff is cold."
15452,51,3,7,Robin: So what's the annoucement?
15453,51,3,7,"Marshall: I just got off the phone with the Realtor. We told her that, uh, because of our finances, we're not getting the place. It's just --it's not the right time."
15454,51,3,7,Narrator: Is what Marshall should have said.
15455,51,3,7,[Rewind] Marshall: I just got off the phone with the Realtor. we got the place!
15456,51,3,7,Lily: We're home on earth!
15457,51,3,7,The others: Are you insane?
15458,51,3,7,Narrator: Is what we should have said.
15459,51,3,7,Together: Yeah!! (They hug each other)
15460,51,3,7,[On a cab -Lily/Marshall]
15461,51,3,7,Marshall: Ow this is exciting!
15462,51,3,7,Lily: Yeah! There it is! Our new home!
15463,51,3,7,Marshall: Shall we?
15464,51,3,7,Lily: We shall.
15465,51,3,7,(They go out then come back quickly because of it stinks)
15466,51,3,7,Lily: Oh! what a horrible smell.
15467,51,3,7,Marshall: It reeks!
15468,51,3,7,"Cab driver: Oh, that's just the plant. Don't worry, they shut it down on the weekends."
15469,51,3,7,Lily: Wh-what plant? What are you talking about?
15470,51,3,7,"Cab driver: Don't you know? Baby, this whole neighborhood is downwind of the sewage treatment plant."
15471,51,3,7,Marshall: Wait... What did you just say?
15472,51,3,7,"Cab driver: I said, we're downwind of the sewage treatment plant."
15473,51,3,7,[Title: DOWISETREPLA]
15474,51,3,7,Marshall & Lily: Oh oh
15475,52,3,8,"Kids, the early bloom of a romance is a wonderful thing. You meet someone, you have a connection, and that person becomes sheer perfection in your eyes. You just can't find anything wrong with them. And you can't wait to tell the world about it."
15476,52,3,8,She convinced you to go jogging?
15477,52,3,8,"Wow, you really want to get in this girl's pants."
15478,52,3,8,"I'm telling you, you guys are gonna love her."
15479,52,3,8,"Lily, she knows all about art."
15480,52,3,8,"Marshall, she's open to the existence of UFOs."
15481,52,3,8,"Barney, she's hot. Robin, she's not hotter than you."
15482,52,3,8,Like her already.
15483,52,3,8,How not hotter?
15484,52,3,8,"So we all went out to dinner, and I couldn't wait to see if my friends were as crazy about Cathy as I was."
15485,52,3,8,"So, what's everyone getting?"
15486,52,3,8,"Well, I can't decide."
15487,52,3,8,"Which sounds better, chicken or lasagna?"
15488,52,3,8,Lasagna. Just get the lasagna!
15489,52,3,8,Oh. You guys just got a new place.
15490,52,3,8,How many bedrooms is it?
15491,52,3,8,Two. It's two bedrooms!
15492,52,3,8,Okay! Let's hear it.
15493,52,3,8,What's wrong with Cathy?
15494,52,3,8,"Are you kidding me, Ted?"
15495,52,3,8,She's got a...
15496,52,3,8,Wait! You don't notice it?
15497,52,3,8,Notice what?
15498,52,3,8,"Oh, he doesn't see it."
15499,52,3,8,"If we point it out, we're gonna ruin her for him."
15500,52,3,8,"As his friends, we'll just keep him in the dark."
15501,52,3,8,You're right.
15502,52,3,8,"She's great, man."
15503,52,3,8,She's a keeper. Just... keep her somewhere else.
15504,52,3,8,"Marshall, what is everyone's problem with Cathy?"
15505,52,3,8,"Oh, she's a total nightmare, Ted, but can we talk about this later?"
15506,52,3,8,I'm a minute away from finding out if I'm gonna be a lawyer or not.
15507,52,3,8,"You see, kids, during the summer, Marshall had taken the New York Bar exam. His years of school, his countless hours of study, had finally culminated in this grueling, two-day ordeal."
15508,52,3,8,And... begin.
15509,52,3,8,"The pressure of it was enormous. Every year, people taking the bar simply cracked. But Marshall had made it through."
15510,52,3,8,And...
15511,52,3,8,time.
15512,52,3,8,Time's up.
15513,52,3,8,Right.
15514,52,3,8,Time.
15515,52,3,8,Sir.
15516,52,3,8,I know.
15517,52,3,8,Your time is...
15518,52,3,8,I know it is.
15519,52,3,8,Give me...!
15520,52,3,8,"Now, months later, the results of that exam were scheduled to post online at 10:00, and it was 9:59."
15521,52,3,8,"Damn, they're not up yet."
15522,52,3,8,"Oh, don't worry, baby. I'm sure you rocked it."
15523,52,3,8,"I mean, how many people fail the bar?"
15524,52,3,8,Half.
15525,52,3,8,"Oh, my God, half? Only half the people pass?"
15526,52,3,8,"I mean, half the people pass. That's fantastic."
15527,52,3,8,"Go, Marshall."
15528,52,3,8,"Oh, hey, can I jump on there? I want to show you something awesome."
15529,52,3,8,"What? No, no. Bar results. My future."
15530,52,3,8,Trust me. You need to see this.
15531,52,3,8,What is so important that I need to see it right now?
15532,52,3,8,It's a video of a dog pooping on a baby.
15533,52,3,8,How do I need to see that?
15534,52,3,8,Why would I want to see that?
15535,52,3,8,In what possible way could subjecting my eyes and my brain to something that disgusting enrich my life?
15536,52,3,8,It's a dog pooping on a baby.
15537,52,3,8,Get away from my computer.
15538,52,3,8,"Okay, just do a quick Google search for ""caca spaniel."""
15539,52,3,8,The results are in.
15540,52,3,8,Whoo. What's it say?
15541,52,3,8,"""Input password."""
15542,52,3,8,Input the password !
15543,52,3,8,It's okay. They assigned it to me when I took the test.
15544,52,3,8,It's gotta be around here somewhere.
15545,52,3,8,Here. Here-here-here-here.
15546,52,3,8,"Jelly beans, fluffernutter, Gummi Bears, ginger snaps..."
15547,52,3,8,This is a grocery list For who? A witch building a house in the forest?
15548,52,3,8,Sugar helps me study.
15549,52,3,8,This is like the shopping a ten-year-old does when his parents leave him alone for the weekend.
15550,52,3,8,What parent leaves a ten-year-old alone for the weekend?
15551,52,3,8,And your mom was perfect.
15552,52,3,8,I can't find my password!
15553,52,3,8,"Okay, just... can't you let 'em know that you lost it and they'll e-mail it to you or something?"
15554,52,3,8,"No! They won't let me do that. I'm gonna have to wait till the results come in the regular mail. That could be weeks from now, if ever!"
15555,52,3,8,Our mail carrier hates me ever since I asked her when the baby was due.
15556,52,3,8,She wasn't pregnant?
15557,52,3,8,"No, he was not."
15558,52,3,8,"Okay, well, that's a drag, but the results will come eventually."
15559,52,3,8,Just try to keep it off your mind until then.
15560,52,3,8,"Hey, Brad."
15561,52,3,8,"Oh, congratulations, man."
15562,52,3,8,"I'm, uh... I'm not sure yet. I..."
15563,52,3,8,lost my password.
15564,52,3,8,"That's great, Cara."
15565,52,3,8,I don't know yet. I lost my password.
15566,52,3,8,I don't know how I lost it!
15567,52,3,8,This stuff happens!
15568,52,3,8,You're one to talk. You misplace stuff all the time.
15569,52,3,8,"I'm sorry. I'm sure the nurses are stealing your medicine, Grandma."
15570,52,3,8,"Love you, too."
15571,52,3,8,"If I have to wait six weeks to find out if I passed, I'm gonna have a heart attack."
15572,52,3,8,"Based on that grocery list, I'd say diabetes is a bigger worry."
15573,52,3,8,You know what? Laugh all you want.
15574,52,3,8,"This affects my whole future, all right?"
15575,52,3,8,Okay. I probably shouldn't be telling you this.
15576,52,3,8,"I definitely shouldn't be telling you this, but there is a way I can help you with your problem."
15577,52,3,8,How?
15578,52,3,8,I know a guy at work.
15579,52,3,8,He can get access to software designed to penetrate firewalls and retrieve passwords through secure servers.
15580,52,3,8,I can get into any computer.
15581,52,3,8,So what do we do?
15582,52,3,8,"Like, arrange a secret meeting in a darkened parking structure?"
15583,52,3,8,No.
15584,52,3,8,Can we?
15585,52,3,8,No.
15586,52,3,8,I have a trench coat.
15587,52,3,8,"Dude, be cool."
15588,52,3,8,"So, I just got off the phone with Cathy."
15589,52,3,8,"God, you guys are so right. I totally hear it now."
15590,52,3,8,See it now?
15591,52,3,8,Smell it?
15592,52,3,8,What is it?!
15593,52,3,8,I left the table for two minutes.
15594,52,3,8,What could she have possibly done in that time that was so horrible?
15595,52,3,8,Was it...
15596,52,3,8,I'll be back in one second.
15597,52,3,8,"One time, in the tenth grade, as a joke, I told everyone that my English teacher had s*x with me."
15598,52,3,8,He's still in jail.
15599,52,3,8,Or maybe...
15600,52,3,8,I'll be back in a second.
15601,52,3,8,So I volunteer at the pound.
15602,52,3,8,"Oh, isn't that nice?"
15603,52,3,8,Yeah.
15604,52,3,8,You can't imagine the rush you get from killing an unwanted puppy.
15605,52,3,8,I make bracelets out of the collars.
15606,52,3,8,Or...
15607,52,3,8,I'll be back in one second.
15608,52,3,8,I bet he's going to the urinal.
15609,52,3,8,Yeah. I remember when I had a pen1s.
15610,52,3,8,It wasn't anything she did while you were in the bathroom.
15611,52,3,8,It's just the way she is.
15612,52,3,8,"I don't get it. If it's so obvious and you guys all see it, how come I don't?"
15613,52,3,8,'Cause we're not trying to have s*x with her.
15614,52,3,8,"Brother, you're driving the ""I want to have s*x with her"" truck, and it's got a huge blind spot."
15615,52,3,8,That's ridiculous.
15616,52,3,8,Is it really?
15617,52,3,8,"Ted, let me tell you a little story about a young lady I wanted to have s*x with..."
15618,52,3,8,Lucilia.
15619,52,3,8,"On a white sand beach in Rio de Janeiro, we made love for ten straight hours."
15620,52,3,8,"When we were done, she applauded and told me I was far, far better than the best lover she could possibly imagine, and that I had restored her faith in God."
15621,52,3,8,What does this have to do with Cathy?
15622,52,3,8,Who's Cathy?
15623,52,3,8,Just tell me what the hell is wrong with her already.
15624,52,3,8,Okay. You want to know?
15625,52,3,8,Yes.
15626,52,3,8,You want to shatter this beautiful illusion you've created for yourself?
15627,52,3,8,Fine. Here it is.
15628,52,3,8,Cathy talks...
15629,52,3,8,a lot.
15630,52,3,8,"Oh, come on. That's not true."
15631,52,3,8,"Ted. Really, really think about that dinner we all just had together."
15632,52,3,8,And I did.
15633,52,3,8,"So, what's everyone getting?"
15634,52,3,8,"Well, I can't decide."
15635,52,3,8,"Which sounds better, chicken or lasagna?"
15636,52,3,8,"I like chicken. I like lasagna. I like them both, but I really like pork. A lot of people don't eat pork, and maybe it's because of that movie Babe or something."
15637,52,3,8,"But that was funny. He was a talking pig and he was like ""Bah, Ram, Ewe!"""
15638,52,3,8,"What-what if there was a sorority, ""Bah, Ram, Ewe?"""
15639,52,3,8,I'd totally rush it. ...And so I named him Dr. Seuss!
15640,52,3,8,Lorax is a funny word.
15641,52,3,8,Lasagna! Just get the lasagna!
15642,52,3,8,"Oh, you guys just got a new place."
15643,52,3,8,How many bedrooms is it?
15644,52,3,8,"I would love to have an extra bedroom, because I would put a Stairmaster in there."
15645,52,3,8,But you guys should get a convertible sofa.
15646,52,3,8,Or a futon. Futons are great. Or what about one of those Murphy beds?
15647,52,3,8,Who invented the Murphy bed? Was it a guy named Murphy?
15648,52,3,8,"Oh, my God. Do you guys remember that show Murphy Brown?"
15649,52,3,8,That was a funny show. She had a new assistant every episode. ...and it was like half an hour before I realized he wasn't even on the phone anymore! Isn't that hysterical?
15650,52,3,8,Two! It's two bedrooms!
15651,52,3,8,"Hey, do you guys like cannolis?"
15652,52,3,8,"Because I know this place and it's in the South Bronx and you wouldn't expect it, but they have the best cannolis in town."
15653,52,3,8,"And just like that, the illusion was shattered."
15654,52,3,8,"She just never shuts up, does she?"
15655,52,3,8,She didn't stop to swallow her food.
15656,52,3,8,I was scared for her. I didn't want her to choke.
15657,52,3,8,At first.
15658,52,3,8,"So kids, this girls I was dating would not stop talking. Can you imagine how awful that is?"
15659,52,3,8,Do you own a wok?
15660,52,3,8,'Cause that's really how...
15661,52,3,8,Don't you just love autumn?
15662,52,3,8,"Today I'm dressed for... Oh, my God. The sweetest thing."
15663,52,3,8,And I know this great place where we can go.
15664,52,3,8,They have guys and girls clothes. We could both shop at the same time.
15665,52,3,8,And a lot of times boyfriends and girlfriends...
15666,52,3,8,Hey! Why are you running so fast?
15667,52,3,8,"Well, thank you, pal. You and your little friends, you just had to tell me."
15668,52,3,8,You just had to give in to my incessant begging.
15669,52,3,8,You said that you wanted to know.
15670,52,3,8,I didn't want to know!
15671,52,3,8,You said you wanted to know!
15672,52,3,8,"Well, I didn't know I didn't want to know! You knew."
15673,52,3,8,And you know me. And you should have known I didn't want to know!
15674,52,3,8,You know?
15675,52,3,8,I'm sorry we told you. I'm surprised she didn't tell you herself at some point.
15676,52,3,8,There's only a finite combination of words in the English language.
15677,52,3,8,"Well, you could have let me enjoy it a little longer."
15678,52,3,8,She's got all these other great qualities. She's smart.
15679,52,3,8,She's caring. She loves animals...
15680,52,3,8,You know how to teach her a lesson? Buy her a parrot.
15681,52,3,8,"Oh, come on. I'm sorry that we told you, okay?"
15682,52,3,8,It's part of being in a relationship.
15683,52,3,8,"Eventually, you get used to these annoying little things that bug you at first."
15684,52,3,8,"Yeah, I guess."
15685,52,3,8,"I mean, you got used to Lily's loud chewing, right?"
15686,52,3,8,Lily doesn't chew loudly.
15687,52,3,8,Dude... Come on. This isn't news.
15688,52,3,8,"Why do you think I call her ""Chewbacca""?"
15689,52,3,8,"I assumed because she's loyal, wears shiny belts and I resemble a young Harrison Ford."
15690,52,3,8,Think about it.
15691,52,3,8,"Oh, man, honestly, dude, that's the meanest thing you've ever done to me."
15692,52,3,8,I really thought you knew.
15693,52,3,8,We had ribs the other night. It sounded like Jurassic Park.
15694,52,3,8,Ha-ha-ha. You know what? It doesn't matter.
15695,52,3,8,But it did.
15696,52,3,8,"Say, what's in that cereal besides dry twigs and small animal bones?"
15697,52,3,8,What's that supposed to mean?
15698,52,3,8,"Lily, I love you, but honest to God, when you eat, it sounds like a garbage disposal full of drywall screws."
15699,52,3,8,What's the matter with you?
15700,52,3,8,"We've been together ten years, and you're saying this now?"
15701,52,3,8,"Well, I never noticed it before until..."
15702,52,3,8,Until what?
15703,52,3,8,"Can you believe Ted? What a lame thing to say, that I'm a loud chewer."
15704,52,3,8,"Yeah, that's crazy."
15705,52,3,8,Maybe enough with the pretzels.
15706,52,3,8,"Oh, my God, do I really chew that loudly?"
15707,52,3,8,"No, no, no."
15708,52,3,8,"Okay, now that you pointed it out, maybe it does sound slightly like someone put a screwdriver in a pencil sharpener, but in a cute way."
15709,52,3,8,
15710,52,3,8,"This is all Ted's fault. Oh, like he's so perfect, Mr. Corrector."
15711,52,3,8,What do you mean?
15712,52,3,8,"Oh, come on. You dated the guy for a year and you never noticed that most of what Ted says is correcting you."
15713,52,3,8,"Hey, can you hand me a Kleenex?"
15714,52,3,8,"Actually, Kleenex is a brand. This is a facial tissue."
15715,52,3,8,"Oh, my God, is Frankenstein gonna kill that little girl?"
15716,52,3,8,"Uh, Dr. Frankenstein isn't in this scene."
15717,52,3,8,That's Frankenstein's monster.
15718,52,3,8,That literally blew my mind.
15719,52,3,8,Figuratively.
15720,52,3,8,"Oh, my God, you're right."
15721,52,3,8,That is so annoying.
15722,52,3,8,Isn't it?
15723,52,3,8,"Where are those pretzels from, Ace Hardware?"
15724,52,3,8,"Hey, man, you like kettle corn? I'm trying to get rid of anything crunchy."
15725,52,3,8,Are the blinds closed?
15726,52,3,8,I don't know.
15727,52,3,8,Are the blinds closed?!
15728,52,3,8,"Yes, the blinds are closed."
15729,52,3,8,"Good, I didn't think I was followed, but you can never be too sure."
15730,52,3,8,Now double-lock the door and stay away from the windows.
15731,52,3,8,Is there a reason that you're acting like this?
15732,52,3,8,We're about to find out if you're a lawyer.
15733,52,3,8,"Now, in good conscience, I have to inform you that using this software is in violation of the Patriot Act, the Strategic Defense Initiative, and the National Security Act of 1948, which created the CIA."
15734,52,3,8,"So I hope you passed the bar because if we use this software, the night janitor Gligor who I fooled into putting fingerprints on my computer, is going to need a good lawyer."
15735,52,3,8,Are you certain you want to go through with this?
15736,52,3,8,"I have to know, yes, yes."
15737,52,3,8,Very good.
15738,52,3,8,"First, we go to the New York State Bar Web site."
15739,52,3,8,"We disable the firewall, then the recursive algorithm grabs your password, and as the application erases itself leaving no trace we were here ever..."
15740,52,3,8,"you ready to see your future, bro?"
15741,52,3,8,Yes.
15742,52,3,8,It's a dog pooping on a baby.
15743,52,3,8,Right! Isn't that awesome?
15744,52,3,8,So you went through all this just to get me to look at your stupid video?
15745,52,3,8,"Yeah, it was worth it."
15746,52,3,8,"Barney, Barney, that was the biggest test of my life."
15747,52,3,8,"I'm incredibly stressed out right now, and I..."
15748,52,3,8,"Okay, that's pretty funny."
15749,52,3,8,You got to see this.
15750,52,3,8,"Yeah, I have to..."
15751,52,3,8,She'll call back when she realizes I'm gone.
15752,52,3,8,Probably in about 45 minutes.
15753,52,3,8,Hey.
15754,52,3,8,Hi.
15755,52,3,8,You guys want a drink?
15756,52,3,8,I'll just have a water.
15757,52,3,8,"Mm, technically, water is a drink."
15758,52,3,8,"Really, Professor? You drink it?"
15759,52,3,8,Is that how water works?
15760,52,3,8,Because I was just gonna smear it on my skin and hope that I absorbed it.
15761,52,3,8,"Or you could, you know, pour it over your shirt."
15762,52,3,8,What's with you?
15763,52,3,8,You're always correcting people.
15764,52,3,8,You totally do that!
15765,52,3,8,That's absolutely right.
15766,52,3,8,"Right? I never noticed it before, and now it's literally driving me crazy."
15767,52,3,8,Figuratively.
15768,52,3,8,"Okay, maybe so, but it's no worse than you using the word ""literally"""
15769,52,3,8,in every other sentence.
15770,52,3,8,Don't they teach vocabulary in Canada?
15771,52,3,8,They literally don't. They literally don't.
15772,52,3,8,"Shut up, Marshall."
15773,52,3,8,That's nothing compared to your thing of singing what you do all the time.
15774,52,3,8,What?
15775,52,3,8,Paying my bills using return address labels From a charity that I haven't given money to Writing a check 'cause now I feel guilty The Salivation Army does not fight fair. Heading down to the basement today With my laundry and a roll of quarters But I'm back too soon 'cause I left the detergent and the fabric softener
15776,52,3,8,Those lines are so sloppy.
15777,52,3,8,"Oh, come on!"
15778,52,3,8,"What about you, ""Barney""?"
15779,52,3,8,"Okay, you..."
15780,52,3,8,always...
15781,52,3,8,"Interesting, interesting, everyone has annoying habits but me."
15782,52,3,8,"Oh, got it."
15783,52,3,8,"Okay, you sometimes talk in a weird high-pitched voice."
15784,52,3,8,And you're constantly using lame catchphrases.
15785,52,3,8,And sometimes you space out and don't even pay attention to what we're talking about.
15786,52,3,8,I'm sorry. What?
15787,52,3,8,"Oh, see? You can't think of anything 'Cause I'm awesome!"
15788,52,3,8,All three right there.
15789,52,3,8,"Well, technically, ""awesome"" wouldn't be a catchphrase."
15790,52,3,8,"If anything, it's more of a catchword."
15791,52,3,8,I literally want to rip your head off.
15792,52,3,8,"You mean ""figuratively""!"
15793,52,3,8,"No, I literally mean ""literally."""
15794,52,3,8,"Literally, literally, literally."
15795,52,3,8,"Oh, my God, Lily, what are you eating, gravel?"
15796,52,3,8,"Oh, I know, right? It sounds like cufflinks going up a vacuum cleaner."
15797,52,3,8,"Well, why don't you sing about it?"
15798,52,3,8,Because I don't sing about everything I do.
15799,52,3,8,"No, no, sometimes you just sing nonsense sentences like a stroke victim, and what's worse, they're catchy."
15800,52,3,8,"Apple, orchard, banana, cat dance, 8663"
15801,52,3,8,"See? We know that one because once you sang that for, like, three hours. What the hell is that?"
15802,52,3,8,That's my password.
15803,52,3,8,AOBCD8663.
15804,52,3,8,"Oh, Marshall!"
15805,52,3,8,Awesome!
15806,52,3,8,"There's another one. It's called ""Golden Reliever,"" where this dog..."
15807,52,3,8,"Yeah, we can guess."
15808,52,3,8,"All right, guys, guys, guys."
15809,52,3,8,I'm a lawyer.
15810,52,3,8,And just like that we stopped fighting and celebrated Marshall's success.
15811,52,3,8,"You see, when someone's bad habits are pointed out to you, it's hard to ignore them."
15812,52,3,8,I'm a lawyer now 'cause I passed the bar I'm imposing Marshall law on this champagne.
15813,52,3,8,"Oh my God, are you literally on cloud nine right now?"
15814,52,3,8,"Baby, you never have to take the bar again."
15815,52,3,8,"Actually, if he practices law in another state, he will have to, but New York, man! It's a great state to practice law in!"
15816,52,3,8,Lawsuit up!
15817,52,3,8,"But if you love them enough, those bad habits are easy to forget. Three years later, I ran in to Cathy and she was doing well."
15818,52,3,8,"Ted?! Oh, my God, I haven't seen you in so long! How long has it been?"
15819,52,3,8,"Three years? No, four. No, three, 'cause I went blonde and then I went back 'cause I was having too much fun."
15820,52,3,8,It's true what they say: blondes have more fun.
15821,52,3,8,"Oh, my God, I'm being so rude."
15822,52,3,8,"Ted, this is my fiancé. Yes, I'm engaged."
15823,52,3,8,"Ted, this is Daniel."
15824,52,3,8,Daniel... this is Ted.
15825,52,3,8,"Great, great, nice to meet you."
15826,52,3,8,You guys seem perfect for each other.
15827,52,3,8,"Oh, my God. I know, right? Totally, it was like love at first sight."
15828,52,3,8,"Hey, we should go out sometime. Are you seeing anyone?"
15829,52,3,8,"Because we could double-date. That... ? No, it's not weird."
15830,52,3,8,We can go have brunch out the street. I know this place.
15831,52,3,8,Do you guys like popovers?
15832,52,3,8,Because I love popovers.
15833,52,3,8,"She sur can talk a lot, huh?"
15834,52,3,8,"They're like croissants, but they're a little bit less flaky and they're kind of round."
15835,53,3,9,At the appartment
15836,53,3,9,Ted from 2030: Back when we were dating robin and I had this running joke. We were the only two people in the world who found it funny.
15837,53,3,9,Barney: No way! March does not have 31 days.
15838,53,3,9,"Marshall: Yes, it does! Everyone knows that. It's like general knowledge."
15839,53,3,9,Ted & Robin: General knowledge.
15840,53,3,9,Ted from 2030: And we did it all the time.
15841,53,3,9,At the Bar
15842,53,3,9,"Lily: Isn't it sad? I mean in 2007, some countries actually still condone corporal punishment."
15843,53,3,9,Ted & Robin: Corporal punishment.
15844,53,3,9,"Ted from 2030: Because once you start, it's surprisingly hard to stop."
15845,53,3,9,"Marshall: Oh, man, I got a kernel stuck in my teeth."
15846,53,3,9,Ted & Robin: Colonel stuck-in-my-teeth.
15847,53,3,9,Please stop! I hate you! You're killing me!
15848,53,3,9,"Ted from 2030: But now, we were broken up,so when Marshall said..."
15849,53,3,9,"Marshall: But after the first year,I get a major pay raise."
15850,53,3,9,"Ted from 2030: We just let it slide. You see, on the surface, Robin and I looked like we were doing great. But the truth is, trying to be friends with your ex is a lot harder than it looks. You can't be as candid as you used to be."
15851,53,3,9,At the appartment
15852,53,3,9,"Ted: So then this hot intern leans over my desk, I can totally see she has a pierced... (Robin and Lily walk across the room) Brosnan. Pierce brosnan is my favorite of all the bonds."
15853,53,3,9,At the Bar
15854,53,3,9,"Ted from 2030: But most importantly, you can never, ever be alone together."
15855,53,3,9,"(Barney, Marshall and Lily leave the booth)"
15856,53,3,9,Barney: I gotta go.
15857,53,3,9,Marshall: I'm gonna go pay.
15858,53,3,9,Lily: Peeing.
15859,53,3,9,"(Ted and Robin stays awkwardly at the booth, then...)"
15860,53,3,9,Ted: I'm gonna help marshall pay.
15861,53,3,9,Robin: I'm gonna help lily pee.
15862,53,3,9,[OPENING CREDITS]
15863,53,3,9,At the Bar
15864,53,3,9,(Lily drops a big turkey onto the table)
15865,53,3,9,"Lily: All right,we have a turkey."
15866,53,3,9,"Marshall: Yeah, we do."
15867,53,3,9,Lily: Isn't this exciting? Our first Thanksgiving together as a group.
15868,53,3,9,"Marshall: Yeah, this is gonna be the best Slapsgiving ever."
15869,53,3,9,Barney: What?
15870,53,3,9,Marshall: I said this is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever.
15871,53,3,9,"Ted: yeah, this is going to be great. Just the five of us, right?"
15872,53,3,9,"Robin: Oh, uh, that reminds me, I invited Bob."
15873,53,3,9,"Lily: Bob? You've been on, like, three dates with that guy. We haven't even met him."
15874,53,3,9,"Robin: Well, he didn't have anywhere else to go, and I didn't know what to say. Is it really that big a deal?"
15875,53,3,9,"Lily: Yes. This is our first Thanksgiving. 30 years from now, we're going to look at the photos and say, ""Oh, there's the four people I love most in the world... and Bob."""
15876,53,3,9,"Robin: I'm sorry,sometimes I forget how seriously you guys take American Thanksgiving. Real thanksgiving happened over a month ago."
15877,53,3,9,"Barney: I'm sorry. Did you just say Canadian Thanksgiving was and I'm quoting,""the real Thanksgiving""? What do Canadians even have to celebrate about?"
15878,53,3,9,Robin: Canadian Thanksgiving celebrates explorer martin frobisher's valiant yet ultimately unsuccessful attempt to find the northwest passage.
15879,53,3,9,Barney: Why are you guys even a country?
15880,53,3,9,"Marshall: Oh, hey, by the way, if anyone wants to come over early thursday, we can watch the Slapsgiving day parade."
15881,53,3,9,"Barney: Well, there, you said it again."
15882,53,3,9,Marshall: Said what?
15883,53,3,9,Barney: Slapsgiving.
15884,53,3,9,"Marshall: Oh, I guess I did. You know why? I've invented a new holiday: Slapsgiving. It's the one day we set aside each year to gather together and give slaps."
15885,53,3,9,"Ted from 2030: I should explain. Kids, you remember the slap bet a year earlier, Marshall made a bet with Barney and won the right to slap him five times. He had already used the first and the second. But Marshall had something special in store for the third."
15886,53,3,9,[FLASHBACK]
15887,53,3,9,(There's a countdown on a computer screen)
15888,53,3,9,"Marshall, on the phone with Barney: slapcountdown.com."
15889,53,3,9,Barney: no.
15890,53,3,9,[END OF FLASHBACK]
15891,53,3,9,"Barney: No, no. The countdown ends at 3:00 p.m., the day after Thanksgiving. I counted it out."
15892,53,3,9,Ted: How many days are in october?
15893,53,3,9,"Barney: Uh, thirty."
15894,53,3,9,"Ted: Dude, I thought we cleared this up last year."
15895,53,3,9,[FLASHBACK]
15896,53,3,9,"Barney, with a funny accent: I like Halloween very much. Is nice."
15897,53,3,9,Ted: Is also tomorrow.
15898,53,3,9,Barney: Damn it!
15899,53,3,9,[END OF FLASHBACK]
15900,53,3,9,"Barney: Wait, you're gonna slap me on Thanksgiving?"
15901,53,3,9,Marshall: Slapsgiving.
15902,53,3,9,"Barney: That's not allowed. Lily, you're the slap bet commissioner, is that allowed?"
15903,53,3,9,"Lily: The hostess in me who's using her wedding china for the first time wants to say hell, no, but yeah, I 'm going to allow it."
15904,53,3,9,"Barney: Well, you know what? If you're trying to freak me out about spending Thanksgiving..."
15905,53,3,9,Marshall: Slapsgiving.
15906,53,3,9,"Barney:...at your place, then you failed. Truth is, I'm not scared."
15907,53,3,9,Marhall: Really?
15908,53,3,9,"Barney: Right. Cause you blew it. The worst part about getting slapped is not knowing when it's going to happen. But now I know exactly when I'm gonna get slapped. So, you took all the suspense out. You showed your hand."
15909,53,3,9,"Marshall: And thursday at 3:01 p.m., your face is going to show my hand."
15910,53,3,9,"Robin: Oh, there's Bob! By the way, heads up, he's a little bit older than us."
15911,53,3,9,Ted: How old is he?
15912,53,3,9,"Robin: He's forty-one. Hey, bob! Over here!"
15913,53,3,9,"Ted from 2030: Okay, kids, the truth is, Bob probably looked like this."
15914,53,3,9,(A fortyish-looking kind of man enters the bar)
15915,53,3,9,"Bob: Hey, sweetie."
15916,53,3,9,Robin: Hi.
15917,53,3,9,Ted from 2030: But when your ex is dating someone new your mind tends to accentuate their flaws. This is how I saw bob.
15918,53,3,9,(Bob looks now like an eighty-years-old man)
15919,53,3,9,"Bob: Hey, dudes,what's crackin'?."
15920,53,3,9,"Ted: Hey, man, how are you?"
15921,53,3,9,Bob: Good to meet you. Sorry I'm late. I just got off the phone with my parents.
15922,53,3,9,Ted: Parents?
15923,53,3,9,"Bob: They were totally on my case: ""What are you gonna do with your life? You're forty-one."" and I'm like, ""Chillax, snowboarding is a legit career. you ought to be stoked I found my bliss."" and speaking of bliss,sugar me, baby. ( Robin and Bob kiss)"
15924,53,3,9,Robin: Let's go get a drink.
15925,53,3,9,(Bob and Robin goes away)
15926,53,3,9,Ted: Unbelievable. Robin is dating Orville Redenbacher.
15927,53,3,9,Lily: What are you talking about? He's forty-one.he looks great.
15928,53,3,9,"Marshall: Yeah, du he's in pretty good shape. He could probably kick your ass."
15929,53,3,9,"Ted: How are you guys not seeing this? He's 150; Robin's 27. Barney, come on,what do you got?"
15930,53,3,9,Barney: Nothing but respect for that man.
15931,53,3,9,"Lily: Oh, by the way, we're all baking pies at robin's tomorrow. Marshall can't be trusted in the apartment with pies overnight."
15932,53,3,9,"Marshall: For the millionth time, sleep-eating is a very serious and delicious medical condition."
15933,53,3,9,"Ted: Hey, uh, what time are you guys going to robin's?"
15934,53,3,9,Lily: 7:30.
15935,53,3,9,"Ted: Perfect. Just to be safe, I'll get there like 8:00, 8:30."
15936,53,3,9,At Robin's
15937,53,3,9,Ted: Sorry I'm late. Where are Marshall and Lily?
15938,53,3,9,"Robin: Uh, they just called. They're both super swamped preparing for tomorrow."
15939,53,3,9,Ted: Is Bob coming?
15940,53,3,9,"Robin: No, he went to see green day."
15941,53,3,9,Ted: So it's...
15942,53,3,9,Ted and Robin:...just the two of us.
15943,53,3,9,Robin: Making pies.
15944,53,3,9,Ted: Pies. They're things that friends make together.
15945,53,3,9,"Robin: Yeah, they do."
15946,53,3,9,Ted: Great.
15947,53,3,9,Robin: Yeah.
15948,53,3,9,"Ted: Great. Well, this is great. It'll give us a chance to catch up."
15949,53,3,9,Robin: Yeah.
15950,53,3,9,"Ted: I'm going to make a phone call. (On the phone with Barney who is at the Bar) Hey, it's me. listen, you have to come over here and make pies."
15951,53,3,9,"Barney: Yeah, I'll be there, absolutely."
15952,53,3,9,"Ted: Oh, awesome, you're a lifesaver. It's still kind of weird being alone with Robin, but if you were here..."
15953,53,3,9,"Barney: Hey, say no more. I mean, when I pulled you out of that burning wreckage, I wasn't doing it to have a battleship named after me. But if you insist, yes, I'll be there for the christening."
15954,53,3,9,"Ted: You're hitting on someone right now, aren't you?"
15955,53,3,9,"Barney: No, I'm not going to wear the medal of honor. That would just be tacky."
15956,53,3,9,Ted: So you're not coming to make pies.
15957,53,3,9,"Barney: No, no. Thank you, mr. President. (He hungs up) Sorry."
15958,53,3,9,At the appartment
15959,53,3,9,"Ted from 2030: After a very long night, it was finally the big holiday. Sorry, the two big holidays."
15960,53,3,9,"Lily: Oh, marshall, are you working on the cranberry sauce?"
15961,53,3,9,"Marshall: In a minute, baby. I've only got so many hands. You see what I got going on here? They're turkeys, but they're also hands, because later, we're going to eat turkey... and then i'm going to slap you in your face."
15962,53,3,9,"Barney: Please, you took out all the suspense. In a horror movie, the killer does not grab a bullhorn and announce, ""Attention unsupervised teens here at the lake house: at precisely 3:00 a.m., I'm gonna jump out of that closet right there and hack you all up with a machete. P.S. fire is my one weakness."""
15963,53,3,9,"(Someone is knocking on the door, Ted opens it)"
15964,53,3,9,"Robin: Hey, ted."
15965,53,3,9,"Ted: Hey, happy Thanksgiving."
15966,53,3,9,"Robin: You, too. Is lily in the kitchen?"
15967,53,3,9,Ted: yep.
15968,53,3,9,Robin: Great.
15969,53,3,9,Ted: Marshall?
15970,53,3,9,Robin: Lily?
15971,53,3,9,Ted and Robin: Something really weird happened last night.
15972,53,3,9,Marshall: What do you mean something weird happened last night?
15973,53,3,9,"Ted: You may not realize this, but since we broke up, Robin and I have never really been alone together."
15974,53,3,9,[FLASHBACK]
15975,53,3,9,"Ted: So we're in the kitchen, starting on the pies, and we realize, we don't have a damn thing to say to each other."
15976,53,3,9,[END OF FLASHBACK]
15977,53,3,9,"Ted: I mean, you can't talk about how close you used to be. You can't talk about how close you're not now. You just feel like everything you say is gonna make things worse."
15978,53,3,9,"Barney: Exactly. And you know why? Because you don't want to hurt someone you really care about, especially around the holidays. I mean, what decent human being would want to cause any kind of emotional or physical pain..."
15979,53,3,9,Marshall: You're still getting slapped.
15980,53,3,9,"Ted: I wanted to leave, but i couldn't stick her with making all the pies by herself. She was exhausted."
15981,53,3,9,Robin: I yawned like a million times trying to get him to leave.
15982,53,3,9,"Lily: Yeah, some people just can't take a hint. By the way, I'm really swamped in here."
15983,53,3,9,Robin: I kept looking at the clock and sighing... totally clueless.
15984,53,3,9,"Lily: Uh-huh. I'm not sure I have time to mash those potatoes, you're standing right next to."
15985,53,3,9,Robin: And then Ted does the thing that he always does when there's an awkward silence.
15986,53,3,9,"Lily: Yep. masher's right there, next to the pot."
15987,53,3,9,Robin: He panics and says the first thing that pops into his head.
15988,53,3,9,[FLASHBACK]
15989,53,3,9,"Robin: Hey, did you know that the first pies in recorded history came from Ancient Egypt?"
15990,53,3,9,"Ted: Remember last year's Thanksgiving, when we had s*x seven times?"
15991,53,3,9,[END OF FLASHBACK]
15992,53,3,9,Barney: Ooh. terrible.
15993,53,3,9,Ted: What?! I thought it would break the ice.
15994,53,3,9,Robin: I'd already broken the ice with my cool pie fact. then he makes it ten times more awkward.
15995,53,3,9,Lily: How do you respond to something like that?
15996,53,3,9,[FLASHBACK]
15997,53,3,9,Robin: Did you know that the egyptian pyramids can be seen from space? Probably?
15998,53,3,9,"Ted: Ooh, the oven's pre-heated!"
15999,53,3,9,"Robin: Okay, um... the pecan pie is gonna take the longest. Why don't we put that one in first?"
16000,53,3,9,Ted: Pecan pie? Why are we making that?
16001,53,3,9,"Robin: Um, it's my favorite."
16002,53,3,9,Ted: You're allergic.
16003,53,3,9,Robin: I know. I just like smelling it. It's like eating with your nose.
16004,53,3,9,Ted: So we're making a pie for Bob.
16005,53,3,9,Robin: Yeah.
16006,53,3,9,[END OF FLASHBACK]
16007,53,3,9,Barney: She's got you making pies for this guy?
16008,53,3,9,Ted: Yeah.
16009,53,3,9,Marshall: That is a real slap in the face.
16010,53,3,9,[FLASHBACK]
16011,53,3,9,"Ted: You know, you could have just told me it was for Bob."
16012,53,3,9,"Robin: Yeah, I-I just thought it might upset you."
16013,53,3,9,Ted: Upset me? Wait a second. Do you think that......Do you think that I'm jealous of Bob?
16014,53,3,9,Robin: I don't know. Is it so ridiculous to think that you might be?
16015,53,3,9,Ted: Yes.
16016,53,3,9,Robin: Why?
16017,53,3,9,Ted: Because he's a thousand years old.
16018,53,3,9,[END OF FLASHBACK]
16019,53,3,9,"Lily: No, Ted! What are you doing?"
16020,53,3,9,Robin: Right?
16021,53,3,9,[FLASHBACK]
16022,53,3,9,"Ted: The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is that we can only talk about the first Thanksgiving,"
16023,53,3,9,Robin: Come on.
16024,53,3,9,Ted: The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is because I heard noah gave him shotgun in the ark.
16025,53,3,9,Robin: Ted...
16026,53,3,9,"Ted: The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is that I'm just an architect, but he discovered fire. How do you top that?"
16027,53,3,9,Robin: He's 41! Why are you bashing on him so hard?
16028,53,3,9,Ted: I'm not. I'm just joking around. That's what friends do.
16029,53,3,9,Robin: It's mean.
16030,53,3,9,"Ted: Well, how come we're all allowed to bust on barney when he dates some skanktron, but when you sleep with the crypt keeper's dad, I'm not allowed to say a word?"
16031,53,3,9,"Robin: First of all, Bob and I are not sleeping together. We're just dating. Secondly, have I said one word about the parade of dubious conquests you've been marching past me the last few months? One of whom got you a butterfly tattoo?"
16032,53,3,9,"Ted: Hey, that is..."
16033,53,3,9,Robin: And if you and I are such good friends... why is baking a pie for Bob so weird?
16034,53,3,9,"Ted: Yeah, if you and i are such good friends, why couldn't you just tell me that's what we were doing? Okay, maybe we should talk about this later. I-I should get going."
16035,53,3,9,"Robin: Well, what are we doing? It's Thanksgiving."
16036,53,3,9,Ted: I don't know. I'm sorry. This is stupid.
16037,53,3,9,"Robin: I'm sorry, too. Of course we're friends. I'm glad we're friends."
16038,53,3,9,"Ted: me, too."
16039,53,3,9,(They hug and then kiss)
16040,53,3,9,[END OF FLASHBACK]
16041,53,3,9,"Lily, Marshall and Barney: You guys slept together last night?"
16042,53,3,9,Lily: That is a terrible idea!
16043,53,3,9,Marshall: Horrible idea.
16044,53,3,9,"Barney: Relapse five! That's where we high-five, then it's awkward for a little bit... and then we high-five again!"
16045,53,3,9,Lily: What the hell were you doing? Let's review: you and Ted broke up six months ago. You're dating another man...
16046,53,3,9,"Robin: You are correct, Sir."
16047,53,3,9,Lily:...who's coming to my thanksgiving today...
16048,53,3,9,Robin: That is a truth-fact.
16049,53,3,9,Lily:...an event Ted is also attending.
16050,53,3,9,Robin: kablammo.
16051,53,3,9,Lily: Why are you trying to destroy American Thanksgiving?!
16052,53,3,9,"Robin: Oh, Lily, it's not as bad as it sounds. Bob and I aren't that serious, and what happened last night with Ted was a fluke."
16053,53,3,9,"Lily: Well, did you guys at least talk about it?"
16054,53,3,9,[FLASHBACK]
16055,53,3,9,Ted:: There's office material...
16056,53,3,9,Robin: I hear something burning...
16057,53,3,9,[END OF FLASHBACK]
16058,53,3,9,"Ted: Clearly, we need to ignore this."
16059,53,3,9,"Robin: Clearly, we need to talk about this."
16060,53,3,9,Ted and Robin: You know? to save the friendship.
16061,53,3,9,Robin: We need to talk.
16062,53,3,9,Ted: Stuffed mushroom?
16063,53,3,9,Robin: We need to talk about last night.
16064,53,3,9,Ted: Did you know that some mushrooms are carnivorous? Probably... not?
16065,53,3,9,"Robin: Ted, can we please just deal with this? Look, I'm not mad. I just think..."
16066,53,3,9,"Ted: Wait, wait, wait, wait. why would you be mad... you started it?"
16067,53,3,9,Robin: What?! you're crazy!
16068,53,3,9,"Ted: We called a truce, we hugged, and when I tried to pull away, you kept your hand on my neck."
16069,53,3,9,Robin: Only because your hand was still around my waist.
16070,53,3,9,"Ted: Oh, come on! You leaned into it."
16071,53,3,9,Robin: I... leaned into it?
16072,53,3,9,"Ted: Yeah. You're like the crappy kid in little league who knows he's not going to make contact, so he just...""Oops, I got hit by the pitch. Better take my base."""
16073,53,3,9,"Robin: Oh, that was you in little league, wasn't it?"
16074,53,3,9,Ted: My on-base percentage was off the charts!
16075,53,3,9,(Ted drops a plate full of appetizers)
16076,53,3,9,"Marshall: Oh, no! The slap-petizers."
16077,53,3,9,"Lily: You know what? That's it! This is Thanksgiving. Solve this right now. And if you have s*x again, neither of you gets dessert! Oh, what the hell kind of Thanksgiving is this anyway?"
16078,53,3,9,"Barney: Um, most Thanksgivings."
16079,53,3,9,"Marshall: Don't stress, baby. I'll try to find us something relaxing."
16080,53,3,9,"Lily: Thanks, baby. Ooh, some classical music, maybe."
16081,53,3,9,
16082,53,3,9,(The count-down appears on the computer screen)
16083,53,3,9,"Marshall: Oh, my! Look at that. That means we're in the final hour of the countdown."
16084,53,3,9,Barney: I'm not scared.
16085,53,3,9,"Marshall: Then why is your right cheek twitching? It's not... maybe it's because future me slaps future you so hard, it reverberates back to the present, shattering the time-slap continuum."
16086,53,3,9,Barney: Please don't slap me.
16087,53,3,9,"Marshall: I'm sorry, what?"
16088,53,3,9,"Barney: Oh, God! don't slap me again! I don't want to get slapped again, and the first two times hurt so bad, I don't like it! I don't like it one bit!"
16089,53,3,9,"Marshall: I thought I ruined it by putting a clock on it, Barney?"
16090,53,3,9,"Barney: Well, you didn't ruin it; you made it so much worse! I can't eat. I can't sleep. I've lost ten pounds; my suits are wearing me. You know what? I'm outta here."
16091,53,3,9,"Marshall: Well, no, no, no. you can't leave."
16092,53,3,9,"Barney: Why can't I?! Nowhere in the rules does it say that I have to sit through sort of mental torture! You are allowed to slap my face, Sir, but you are not allowed to slap my mind! Good day!"
16093,53,3,9,Marshall: But it's Slapsgiving.
16094,53,3,9,"Lily: No! It's not! It's Thanksgiving! Our first one as a married couple, as grownups and you're not even trying to be a part of it! None of you are! So... as slap bet commissioner, I'm issuing a ruling. Thanksgiving is a day of peace. There will be no slaps today!"
16095,53,3,9,Marshall: What?!
16096,53,3,9,Barney: Yes! In your face! Not my face... your face!
16097,53,3,9,(Bob arrives)
16098,53,3,9,"Bob: What's up, dudes?"
16099,53,3,9,"All: Hey, bob."
16100,53,3,9,"Marshall: Baby,please... -no!"
16101,53,3,9,"Lily: The slap bet commissioner's word is final, so get in the kitchen and mash some potatoes, now. And for the rest of the day, we are going to enjoy a civilized, grownup holiday."
16102,53,3,9,"Bob: Not too grownup. I made jell-o shots. We're gonna get silly, bitches."
16103,53,3,9,In Ted's room
16104,53,3,9,"Robin: Look at us! We can't be alone together, can we?"
16105,53,3,9,Ted: Apparently not.
16106,53,3,9,Robin: What does that mean? We're supposed to be friends.
16107,53,3,9,"Ted: We aren't friends, are we? Not really. We avoid each other. We smile politely. We're two people who pretend to be friends because it would be inconvenient not to."
16108,53,3,9,"Robin: Well, maybe we should stop pretending."
16109,53,3,9,Ted: Maybe we should.
16110,53,3,9,Robin: So... what do we do now?
16111,53,3,9,Ted: I suppose... we eat dinner. And then that's it.
16112,53,3,9,Robin: Okay.
16113,53,3,9,(Robin leaves the room)
16114,53,3,9,Ted: Happy Thanksgiving.
16115,53,3,9,(Ted leaves the room too)
16116,53,3,9,At diner
16117,53,3,9,"Ted from 2030: So we sat down to our first Thanksgiving together as a group...and, apparently, our last."
16118,53,3,9,"Barney: Marshall, you're not eating. Did something spoil your slap-petite?"
16119,53,3,9,"Marshall: No, i just thought...before we eat, maybe the chef would like to say a few words."
16120,53,3,9,Lily: Nope. This sucks. Eat up and leave.
16121,53,3,9,"Marshall: Well, then, I'd like to say something. If that's cool? Um... today, Lily did something great. Not only did she gather us all here together and cook a delicious meal, but she also started a new tradition. We're gonna do this again next year, and the year after that... maybe for the rest of our lives. I think that's pretty amazing if you think about it. And it's all thanks to you,Lily. I love you. So, to the first of many Thanksgivings together."
16122,53,3,9,"Bob: This is rad! A nice, small,simple Thanksgiving. I'm the youngest of ten in my family, so our Thanksgiving is a mess. All the yelling and the screaming..."
16123,53,3,9,Ted from 2030: And then a funny thing happened...
16124,53,3,9,Bob: It's really a major buzz-kill.
16125,53,3,9,Ted and Robin: Major buzz-kill.
16126,53,3,9,"Lily: Oh, no..."
16127,53,3,9,Barney: I thought we were done with that?
16128,53,3,9,Robin: I guess we're not.
16129,53,3,9,Ted: Guess we're not.
16130,53,3,9,"Ted from 2030: You see kids, friendship is an involuntary reflex... It just happens,you can't help it. That first Thanksgiving turned out to be a wonderful dinner with the four people I love most in the world... and Bob and it did become a tradition. That's why every year,we go to aunt Lily and uncle Marshall's for Thanksgiving."
16131,53,3,9,"Barney: Hey, check it out! We're in the last 20 seconds of Marshall's countdown to nothing."
16132,53,3,9,"Lily: Barney, put it away."
16133,53,3,9,"Barney: How does it feel, Marshall,to sit there, impotently... your large, flaccid hand,just dangling in the wind?"
16134,53,3,9,Voice: The slap will occur in ten..
16135,53,3,9,"Barney: Ooh, classy touch, dude. Too bad!"
16136,53,3,9,"Lily: Barney, put it away."
16137,53,3,9,Voice:...six...
16138,53,3,9,Barney: I will in... five...
16139,53,3,9,"Voice:... five, four..."
16140,53,3,9,Lily: You can slap him.
16141,53,3,9,Voice:...three...
16142,53,3,9,"Barney: What?! Wait, you..."
16143,53,3,9,Voice:...two...one.
16144,53,3,9,"(Marshall slaps Barney with all his might, Barney falls down)"
16145,53,3,9,"Marshall: That's three! Thanks, baby, you're the best. And as a special, added bonus, I've composed a song just for this occasion. Ted, lights! (Marshall starts playing the piano and singing) *What is this feelin' that's put you in your place a hot, red burnin' on the side of your face you feel the blood rush to your cheek. Tears start to fill your eyes and your lips are tremblin' but you can't speak,you're tryin', oh, you're tryin' not to cry! You just got sla-apped-oh, oh! Across the face, my friend-oh, oh, oh! You just got slapped. Yes, that really just happened. Everybody saw it and everybody laughed and clapped, it was awesome. Wait,you just got... slapped. Happy Slapsgiving, everybody.*"
16146,53,3,9,"Bob is gone, the gang is in the kitchen"
16147,53,3,9,"Lily: Well, guys have fun."
16148,53,3,9,Ted: This is gonna be majoy cleaner.
16149,53,3,9,All: Major cleaner!
16150,53,3,9,"Marshall: Oh man, we're gonna be doing this all the time, now aren't we?"
16151,53,3,9,Robin: That's the general idea.
16152,53,3,9,All: General idea.
16153,54,3,10,"Kids, back to 2007, it seems like everyone belonged to these silly things called gyms. The idea was you'd pay them lots of money to run around and lift heavy things. Biggest rip-off in the world. And yet people fell for it. Including me."
16154,54,3,10,"Oh, hum, forgot my wallet."
16155,54,3,10,It started with one of those moments when you realize you're not as in shape as you want to be.
16156,54,3,10,That's further than it looks.
16157,54,3,10,Coupon's on my dresser.
16158,54,3,10,That's too far. Forget it.
16159,54,3,10,Please don't judge me.
16160,54,3,10,I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza.
16161,54,3,10,I woke up all greasy and sweaty.
16162,54,3,10,My sheets looked like what they wrap deli sandwiches in.
16163,54,3,10,Maybe I should join a gym.
16164,54,3,10,Do you go to a gym?
16165,54,3,10,"Well, I go to Total Rip Fitness, but I don't work out there."
16166,54,3,10,What do you do?
16167,54,3,10,I invest.
16168,54,3,10,There goes one of my investments now.
16169,54,3,10,"Cheryl, hard work's paying off. Keep up the good work."
16170,54,3,10,So your investments... are women?
16171,54,3,10,"Women who, how shall I put this delicately?"
16172,54,3,10,They fat.
16173,54,3,10,"So, I come here, give them lots of attention now."
16174,54,3,10,"Then when they get hot, who's the first guy they run to?"
16175,54,3,10,The one who invested in them when they weren't.
16176,54,3,10,"Wow, I can't decide if I'm thoroughly disgusted or really, really impressed."
16177,54,3,10,"Of course, not all investments pay dividends."
16178,54,3,10,"See the girl over there at the vending machine, Tonya."
16179,54,3,10,She is one Kit Kat away from junk bond status.
16180,54,3,10,"Hey, Barney."
16181,54,3,10,"Becky, elliptical machine's really working for you. Nice stuff."
16182,54,3,10,That one's going to reward shareholders soon.
16183,54,3,10,I foresee aggressive growth in my future.
16184,54,3,10,What up?
16185,54,3,10,"Wow, that makes me want to join a gym."
16186,54,3,10,So I can get super strong and punch you really hard in the face.
16187,54,3,10,"Yes, we should all do it."
16188,54,3,10,"Yeah, let's all punch Barney in the face."
16189,54,3,10,we might as well take it off together.
16190,54,3,10,Or we could just stop drinking beer.
16191,54,3,10,No.
16192,54,3,10,I say we join a gym.
16193,54,3,10,Are you Marshall?
16194,54,3,10,"Hi, I'm Trish. I'm the trainer you signed up for."
16195,54,3,10,"Oh, hi."
16196,54,3,10,"Really great to meet you, Trish."
16197,54,3,10,"It's a pleasure. Marshall, can I talk to you for a second?"
16198,54,3,10,"Yeah, sweetie, I think she is..."
16199,54,3,10,may be just a little too hot to be your trainer.
16200,54,3,10,I get it.
16201,54,3,10,"I mean, I see what you're worried about."
16202,54,3,10,But this is just about me taking care of myself.
16203,54,3,10,You'll always be my sugar.
16204,54,3,10,"So, Marshall, are you ready to make a commitment to your body?"
16205,54,3,10,"Please, I'm all about committing to my body."
16206,54,3,10,I'll drive to Vermont and have a commitment ceremony to my body if you want.
16207,54,3,10,That was a weird thing to say.
16208,54,3,10,All right.
16209,54,3,10,Start with 100 push-ups.
16210,54,3,10,"All right, cool. How many do you want me to do?"
16211,54,3,10,A hundred.
16212,54,3,10,"Oh, I thought that was a figure of speech, 100 push-ups, like, do a bazillion push-ups. No one can do 100."
16213,54,3,10,Do you smell that?
16214,54,3,10,No.
16215,54,3,10,It smells like there's a little bitch in my gym.
16216,54,3,10,Are you being a little bitch in my gym?
16217,54,3,10,No.
16218,54,3,10,Then get on the floor and give me 100!
16219,54,3,10,You don't have to yell at me.
16220,54,3,10,I love it here.
16221,54,3,10,It's just normal women who want to get in shape.
16222,54,3,10,"I don't have to put on makeup, do my hair, wear some trendy outfit."
16223,54,3,10,"Yeah, this place is great. We're meeting our friend Robin here."
16224,54,3,10,I hope you don't hate her. She's pretty hot.
16225,54,3,10,Shut up.
16226,54,3,10,"Lily, tell him to shut up."
16227,54,3,10,"I'm sorry, lesbian prison guard, do we know each other?"
16228,54,3,10,"Ted, Lily, you'll never believe what just happened."
16229,54,3,10,"Oh, hey, dude, I'm Barney."
16230,54,3,10,So I was at the smoothie bar...
16231,54,3,10,What can I get you?
16232,54,3,10,"Oh, my God, Rhonda?"
16233,54,3,10,It's Barney.
16234,54,3,10,Barney Stinson from Staten Island Boulevard.
16235,54,3,10,"Hey, Barney Stinson from Staten Island Boulevard. What can I get you?"
16236,54,3,10,I can't believe she didn't remember me.
16237,54,3,10,Why? Who is she?
16238,54,3,10,That's Rhonda.
16239,54,3,10,I lost my virginity to her.
16240,54,3,10,"Baby, are you still sore?"
16241,54,3,10,"Trish made me do 70 push-ups, but she only gave me credit for ten."
16242,54,3,10,"Then she had me do 100 sit-ups and then she made me cry, using only her words."
16243,54,3,10,It just doesn't add up.
16244,54,3,10,How could Rhonda not remember me?
16245,54,3,10,"Well, maybe it wasn't that good for her. I mean, it was your first time."
16246,54,3,10,"Ted, it's me."
16247,54,3,10,I rocked her world.
16248,54,3,10,"You don't believe me? Okay, story time."
16249,54,3,10,The year was 1998.
16250,54,3,10,I'd been going out with Shannon since freshman year of college.
16251,54,3,10,We were saving ourselves.
16252,54,3,10,"So when we broke up there I was, 23 and still a virgin."
16253,54,3,10,I knew nothing about girls.
16254,54,3,10,So I went to the guy who knew everything about girls my brother James.
16255,54,3,10,"Wait, your gay brother James?"
16256,54,3,10,"Yeah, this was before he was gay."
16257,54,3,10,"Barney... Barney, you need to find a girl and have s*x with her ASAP."
16258,54,3,10,That is what dudes do after a breakup.
16259,54,3,10,"I know. I want to, but..."
16260,54,3,10,I guess I'm just scared.
16261,54,3,10,Of course you're scared. It's gross.
16262,54,3,10,The thought of doing that with a woman...
16263,54,3,10,But it's part of being a guy.
16264,54,3,10,Try thinking about baseball.
16265,54,3,10,Somehow I imagine those players on the field and it's over a lot faster.
16266,54,3,10,But I don't know the first thing about seducing a woman.
16267,54,3,10,What do you...? How do you...? Where do you...?
16268,54,3,10,Stop. Don't overthink it.
16269,54,3,10,You don't want to get the yips.
16270,54,3,10,The yips?
16271,54,3,10,"Yeah, when you overthink simple things so much that you can't do them at all."
16272,54,3,10,The yips.
16273,54,3,10,"Yeah, it happens to athletes all the time."
16274,54,3,10,Like the second baseman who suddenly can't throw to first or the figure skater who does a perfect triple toe loop and then loses it on the arabesque.
16275,54,3,10,I've actually really been getting into figure skating lately.
16276,54,3,10,"But, James..."
16277,54,3,10,what woman's going to have s*x with me?
16278,54,3,10,It's not like I'm a Backstreet Boy.
16279,54,3,10,The Man Maker.
16280,54,3,10,"Rhonda ""Man Maker"" French was our mom's friend from down the street."
16281,54,3,10,Got any kings?
16282,54,3,10,Go fish.
16283,54,3,10,"So, Patty, know that new paperboy?"
16284,54,3,10,"I let him throw one into my hedges, if you know what I mean."
16285,54,3,10,Did you see that new guy who cleans my pool?
16286,54,3,10,"I let him snake my drain, if you know what I mean."
16287,54,3,10,You know that Chinese food delivery boy?
16288,54,3,10,I had s*x with him.
16289,54,3,10,I don't have a funny way of saying it yet. It just happened 20 minutes ago.
16290,54,3,10,Of course.
16291,54,3,10,The Man Maker.
16292,54,3,10,"And it'll be easier too, 'cause she knows me so well."
16293,54,3,10,"Hi, Barry."
16294,54,3,10,Barney.
16295,54,3,10,"Hi, Ms. French. I know we haven't seen each other for a while, but if there was any chance... Oh, boy."
16296,54,3,10,You just rocked my world.
16297,54,3,10,That was the best s*x I ever had.
16298,54,3,10,That was the night I was born.
16299,54,3,10,"I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani clad and fully awesome."
16300,54,3,10,"God, please let me stop!"
16301,54,3,10,"Yes, great, let's stop. Let's just kick back and wait for the massive coronary you're going to have a couple years from now when you're 40."
16302,54,3,10,I'm... I'm 29.
16303,54,3,10,50 more!
16304,54,3,10,"Hi, sweetie."
16305,54,3,10,"I got a trainer, too. This is Max."
16306,54,3,10,We're going to focus on flexibility.
16307,54,3,10,"Yeah, I'm gonna stretch her out."
16308,54,3,10,"Great... Wait, what?"
16309,54,3,10,"50 more, now!"
16310,54,3,10,"Okay, well, that's not cool."
16311,54,3,10,"You know, Rhonda, running into you really got me thinking about the old days."
16312,54,3,10,You were quite popular.
16313,54,3,10,I sure got around back then.
16314,54,3,10,And there was one young man who stood out above the pack.
16315,54,3,10,Freddy Chibatoni. That kid had a tongue like a gecko.
16316,54,3,10,"No, no, I was thinking about someone else."
16317,54,3,10,"Chaz Alderman. Hips like a woman, but he knew how to use them."
16318,54,3,10,What about me?!
16319,54,3,10,You?
16320,54,3,10,Yes. We slept together.
16321,54,3,10,And you said I was the best you ever had.
16322,54,3,10,Did I?
16323,54,3,10,"Oh, right."
16324,54,3,10,About that...
16325,54,3,10,And tell him that he's the best you ever had.
16326,54,3,10,"Oh, I don't know."
16327,54,3,10,He's just a kid.
16328,54,3,10,"No he isn't. He's 23 and he is really hurting, Rhonda."
16329,54,3,10,Please.
16330,54,3,10,Maybe we could make a deal.
16331,54,3,10,What?
16332,54,3,10,"No, girl, I got a girlfriend."
16333,54,3,10,"Yeah, yeah, yeah, hers is the only vagina for me."
16334,54,3,10,Oh... I love it.
16335,54,3,10,It... it isn't scary at all.
16336,54,3,10,"Well, too bad. I guess your brother's going to stay a virgin."
16337,54,3,10,Fine.
16338,54,3,10,
16339,54,3,10,"Reggie Jackson, Reggie Jackson, Reggie Jackson..."
16340,54,3,10,But those compliments you gave me.
16341,54,3,10,You just rocked my world.
16342,54,3,10,That was the best s*x I ever had.
16343,54,3,10,But you said I rocked your world.
16344,54,3,10,All subsequent worlds that I rocked were only so rocked because of the confidence I earned from said first world rocking.
16345,54,3,10,"Sorry, Barry."
16346,54,3,10,It's Barney.
16347,54,3,10,"So I'm doing sit-ups and she says, ""All right, Marshall, just one more set."""
16348,54,3,10,"So I summon all my strength and I do that set, and then she says, ""Give me another set."""
16349,54,3,10,"So I'm like, ""Is this the last set?"""
16350,54,3,10,"And she says yes. So I do that set and then she says, ""Give me another set."" She lied to my face!"
16351,54,3,10,Everything hurts.
16352,54,3,10,"Baby, the whole point of working out is to feel better."
16353,54,3,10,This trainer is making you miserable. You have to call her and quit.
16354,54,3,10,I got to work through it. I got to finish what I started.
16355,54,3,10,"If you're too scared, I can call her."
16356,54,3,10,Her number's on this card.
16357,54,3,10,Hi. Is this Trish?
16358,54,3,10,"This is Marshall's wife. Listen, we have a problem here and it's you."
16359,54,3,10,"I don't know who the hell you think you are, but from now on, you don't tell Marshall what to do."
16360,54,3,10,You are an employee. We tell you what to do.
16361,54,3,10,"And I'm telling you you're fired, bitch."
16362,54,3,10,"Okay, bye. You better get down there, baby. She's pretty pissed."
16363,54,3,10,"Hey, buddy. Still bummed about the whole Rhonda thing?"
16364,54,3,10,No. Why would I let the approval of one woman define who I am?
16365,54,3,10,"That's very mature of you, Barney."
16366,54,3,10,Let him finish.
16367,54,3,10,When I can let the approval of a gaggle of supermodels define who I am. What? What?
16368,54,3,10,Three tickets to the after party of the Victoria's Secret fashion show?
16369,54,3,10,"Uh, kablammie!"
16370,54,3,10,"Lily, um, could I go?"
16371,54,3,10,Go. You're too sore to do anything anyway.
16372,54,3,10,"Okay, this, boys, is not a regular season game."
16373,54,3,10,This is the World Series.
16374,54,3,10,"So remember, we work together."
16375,54,3,10,We're a team. And if anyone sees Heidi Klum... dibs.
16376,54,3,10,Target acquired. Dig deep.
16377,54,3,10,"Hey, it's a nice party, huh?"
16378,54,3,10,"Yeah, it's great."
16379,54,3,10,Do you guys work for the company?
16380,54,3,10,"Yeah, it's called ""I'm Gonna Get In Your Panties, Incorporated."""
16381,54,3,10,Gross!
16382,54,3,10,Dude!
16383,54,3,10,I don't know. That was terrible. I am so sorry.
16384,54,3,10,Wait a minute. It's okay. It's okay. It's fine.
16385,54,3,10,It's a numbers game. I'm cool.
16386,54,3,10,Model... model.
16387,54,3,10,Hi.
16388,54,3,10,"I know, right?"
16389,54,3,10,This party is legend- Wait for it...
16390,54,3,10,"Uh, how long do we have to wait for it?"
16391,54,3,10,I think he's having a stroke.
16392,54,3,10,What is the matter with me?
16393,54,3,10,I don't know.
16394,54,3,10,"Wait, wait, wait... you don't think I have the yips, do ya?"
16395,54,3,10,"No, no, no, relax."
16396,54,3,10,There's Alessandra Ambrosio. English is her second language.
16397,54,3,10,"Even if you screw up, you'll never know."
16398,54,3,10,Come on.
16399,54,3,10,Hi.
16400,54,3,10,Hi.
16401,54,3,10,Those are very nice honkers.
16402,54,3,10,Honkers?
16403,54,3,10,I don't know this word. Do you want to go dance?
16404,54,3,10,I'm talking about those things. Ah-ooga! Ah-ooga!
16405,54,3,10,"Oh, no, I can't have the yips. I can't have the yips, not here. Not now."
16406,54,3,10,"This is me. It's Barney, Barney!"
16407,54,3,10,Heidi Klum!
16408,54,3,10,This is perfect. I can do this. I can do this.
16409,54,3,10,"Thanks for coming. Heidi Klum, I'm Barney."
16410,54,3,10,"Hi, Barney. Nice to meet you."
16411,54,3,10,"Goobidy, goobidy, goobidy, goobidy."
16412,54,3,10,Is he okay?
16413,54,3,10,"Uh, he has the yips."
16414,54,3,10,Hasn't been able to hit on a woman all night.
16415,54,3,10,He has the yips?
16416,54,3,10,"Ooh, that's bad."
16417,54,3,10,"You know, in Germany, we call this #@%!. Whoa, that is bad."
16418,54,3,10,"I don't know what's happened to me. I've, I've totally lost my confidence."
16419,54,3,10,"Barney, maybe you have to open up to somebody."
16420,54,3,10,Maybe you have to open up to some...
16421,54,3,10,He just found out that the woman he lost his virginity to only did it because his brother bribed her.
16422,54,3,10,That's a rough one.
16423,54,3,10,"I mean, the only thing I can think of to get rid of #@%! is you have to go out there. And you need to find that woman."
16424,54,3,10,And you need to earn it with her for real.
16425,54,3,10,That is the only way how you can find yourself.
16426,54,3,10,I see little hamburgers! I love little hamburgers.
16427,54,3,10,Wiedersehen.
16428,54,3,10,I just made out with Heidi Klum.
16429,54,3,10,What?
16430,54,3,10,"Ted, just... okay?"
16431,54,3,10,Come in.
16432,54,3,10,"Hi, Rhonda."
16433,54,3,10,"Hi, kiddo. Surprised to see you here."
16434,54,3,10,"So, hey, uh, maybe how about s*x?"
16435,54,3,10,Let's s*x.
16436,54,3,10,What are you talking about? I'm watching Wheel of Fortune.
16437,54,3,10,You can keep watching. I'll face you toward the TV.
16438,54,3,10,"That's a cute idea, kid."
16439,54,3,10,Great.
16440,54,3,10,"No, I'm not having s*x with you. Sit down a minute."
16441,54,3,10,I'm not the Man Maker anymore. You know what?
16442,54,3,10,"About five years ago, I realized there was an emptiness inside of me that no amount of meaningless s*x could fill."
16443,54,3,10,I needed something more.
16444,54,3,10,And that's when I discovered Indian casinos.
16445,54,3,10,"Hey, Barney, it's weird not seeing you in a suit. What's going on?"
16446,54,3,10,"Uh, not much."
16447,54,3,10,My entire sexual history was built on a rotting foundation of lies.
16448,54,3,10,My whole identity is lost in a pit of menthol ashes.
16449,54,3,10,Work is good.
16450,54,3,10,I'm never going back to that gym again.
16451,54,3,10,"Today at work, I had to have an intern rip up my bagel and put little pieces in my mouth."
16452,54,3,10,"Yeah, I'm done there, too. That place is horrible."
16453,54,3,10,What about your big muscular trainer who's so into stretching you out?
16454,54,3,10,"Yeah, well, turns out that guy had no affiliation with the gym whatsoever."
16455,54,3,10,"Come on, guys, don't give up on the gym."
16456,54,3,10,It's been great for us.
16457,54,3,10,"Like today, Robin and I had a really nice moment."
16458,54,3,10,"Oh, God! Oh... Yahhh!"
16459,54,3,10,"Robin, hey, I just wanted to..."
16460,54,3,10,come over and thank you.
16461,54,3,10,Thank me for what?
16462,54,3,10,"Well, you know how it's hard for exes to be friends because there's this lingering sexual tension between them?"
16463,54,3,10,Gone. Thank you.
16464,54,3,10,"You know, for all the crap you've given me, I haven't seen you work up a sweat there once."
16465,54,3,10,It's not true. I was there today.
16466,54,3,10,"Yeah, but didn't you leave early?"
16467,54,3,10,"Oh, great."
16468,54,3,10,Now I got to go home and charge this.
16469,54,3,10,Wait a minute.
16470,54,3,10,You didn't work out Tuesday either.
16471,54,3,10,Brought the wrong shorts.
16472,54,3,10,"Yeah, and you totally disappeared on Monday, too."
16473,54,3,10,"No, I was at the gym the whole time."
16474,54,3,10,"Ooh! Oh, I love this gym."
16475,54,3,10,"Lily, help me bend down these three fingers."
16476,54,3,10,"Actually, I have an idea."
16477,54,3,10,"Do it! Come on! Do it, you worthless piece of crap!"
16478,54,3,10,"Please! Please, I just want to go home."
16479,54,3,10,Come on. This is your last set!
16480,54,3,10,You said that last time!
16481,54,3,10,Gone.
16482,54,3,10,I saw your friend Ted at the gym.
16483,54,3,10,"After he puked and cleared the line at the smoothie bar, he said you were kinda having a tough time."
16484,54,3,10,"Did you change your mind about having love, making s*x, pen1s vagina? What is the matter with me?"
16485,54,3,10,"Oh, honey..."
16486,54,3,10,"I just, I don't get it."
16487,54,3,10,You slept with so many guys. You slept with my brother.
16488,54,3,10,We are practically the same person. Was I really so bad?
16489,54,3,10,Nobody's good the first time.
16490,54,3,10,But I was.
16491,54,3,10,At least I thought I was.
16492,54,3,10,"Oh, Barney, you know... s*x isn't everything."
16493,54,3,10,When is the last time you had a conversation with a woman with no intention of scoring with her?
16494,54,3,10,I sat next to former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright at a benefit once.
16495,54,3,10,I certainly didn't intend to hit that.
16496,54,3,10,"Yeah, well, I tell you what. Sleeping with me again isn't gonna solve anything."
16497,54,3,10,I don't know what else is.
16498,54,3,10,I think I know.
16499,54,3,10,Do you have any kings?
16500,54,3,10,"No, go fish."
16501,54,3,10,"See, Barney, isn't it nice to just sit and have a evening with a woman, no agenda?"
16502,54,3,10,Just make nice conversation?
16503,54,3,10,No.
16504,54,3,10,"Yeah, kinda sucks, doesn't it?"
16505,54,3,10,"Oh, my God, Barney, you really did just rock my world."
16506,54,3,10,That was amazing.
16507,54,3,10,And I'm not lying.
16508,54,3,10,"I know you're not lying, baby."
16509,54,3,10,And it was good for you?
16510,54,3,10,It was the best s*x I've ever had.
16511,54,3,10,Later.
16512,54,3,10,Daddy's back.
16513,54,3,10,"Hey, buddy, how's it going?"
16514,54,3,10,Hey. Pretty good.
16515,54,3,10,Pretty good. Ooh! I can move my legs now and I can lift my arms this high.
16516,54,3,10,"Yeah, you know, I feel like I have more energy."
16517,54,3,10,"Yeah, it was hard at first, but now if I go a day without working out, I miss it."
16518,54,3,10,"I'm proud of us, guys."
16519,54,3,10,The first week is the hardest. We're over the hump.
16520,54,3,10,Joining that gym was the best decision we ever made.
16521,55,3,11,[September 2007 - The appartment]
16522,55,3,11,Lily and Marshall (laughing): Oh my god!
16523,55,3,11,Ted (gets out of his bedroom): I have a tattoo!
16524,55,3,11,"Barney: oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp!"
16525,55,3,11,Ted: a tramp stamp?!
16526,55,3,11,[Title: present day -in a tatto remote clinic]
16527,55,3,11,"Narrator: kids, too often in life, we make decisions that we're not prepared to live with. (a man with a tattoo ""rex&evelyn forever"" cries) This is a story about those decisions, and the consequences that follow. (Ted is in the clinic, hidden derriere a newspaper)"
16528,55,3,11,[the appartment - Ted/Marshall/Barney]
16529,55,3,11,"Ted: Say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer. (He shows his tattoo)"
16530,55,3,11,"Lily: oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly, how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper fron reno with daddy issues?"
16531,55,3,11,"Ted: yes, yes, enjoy these final moments of mockery because in just ten surprisingly expensive sessions, Stella is gonna zap that butterfly right off the face of my lower back."
16532,55,3,11,Lily: Stella?
16533,55,3,11,Ted: Dr Stella Zinman. She's the best in the business. And she's rather cute in fact. In fact... we're going to a movie together tonight.
16534,55,3,11,Barney: what?
16535,55,3,11,Ted: I asked her out.
16536,55,3,11,"All: Ted, why would you do that?"
16537,55,3,11,Barney: what's matter with you?
16538,55,3,11,Ted: What? What do you mean?
16539,55,3,11,Barney: Dude... don't poop where you eat.
16540,55,3,11,"Ted: oh, no, this doesn't count."
16541,55,3,11,"Marshall: If it's someone you see on a regular basis, and you can't avoid them..."
16542,55,3,11,"Lily: and in this case, you're paying them... then yes, it counts."
16543,55,3,11,"Barney: You've heard of the golden rule, right? ""love their neighbor?"""
16544,55,3,11,"Ted: uh, actually, it's ""do unto others as you would have them do unto you."" It's from the bible."
16545,55,3,11,"Barney: Damn it Ted, i've worked out this whole thing where the golden rule is ""love thy neighbor"", ok?... Now the golden rule is ""love thy neigbor"". But, there's one rule above it: the platinum rule: ""never ever, ever, ever, love thy neighbor."""
16546,55,3,11,"Ted: Well, that's cute. But she's not my neighbor, she's my doctor. So if you'll excuse me..."
16547,55,3,11,"Robin: Wait, Ted, Barney has a point. Remember what happened with me and curt down at the station?"
16548,55,3,11,"Marshall: Oh, yeah, and remember what happened with us and the gerards across the hall?"
16549,55,3,11,Barney: Need i remind you about me and Wendy the waitress?
16550,55,3,11,"Ted (combs his hair): yeah, i don't have time for this. I'm out the door as soon as i'm finished with my hair."
16551,55,3,11,"Barney: good, then we've got a solid half hour. And in that time, we will convince you not to set foot out that door. It's a story older than time, my friend, and it always plays out in the same eight steps. Step 1: Attraction."
16552,55,3,11,[TITLE: ATTRACTION - November 2005- The bar- Barney/Robin/Lily/Marshall/Ted/Wendy the waitress]
16553,55,3,11,Barney: It's true.
16554,55,3,11,Marshall: That's not even possible.
16555,55,3,11,Barney: 12 of them.
16556,55,3,11,Marshall: There's no way.
16557,55,3,11,Wendy: Here's your gin and tonic.
16558,55,3,11,Barney: Thanks.
16559,55,3,11,"wendy: O gosh! Look at that. (She leaves scrubing a stain in her shirt, Barney starves at her with interest)"
16560,55,3,11,[December 2006 -The hall- Lily/Marshall - They gets out of their apartment]
16561,55,3,11,"A man: Oh, hey! You must be our new neighbors. I'm Michael."
16562,55,3,11,A women: and i'm laura.
16563,55,3,11,"Marshall: Oh, hi, welcome to the building. Yeah."
16564,55,3,11,Laura: Do you guys know any good brunch places around here?
16565,55,3,11,Lily: We love brunch!
16566,55,3,11,[October 2007 - set of Metro news 1 -Robin/a host]
16567,55,3,11,The host: You must be Robin.
16568,55,3,11,Robin: yeah!
16569,55,3,11,"The host: Curt ""the iron man"" irons. I'm gonna be doing sports."
16570,55,3,11,"Robin: Oh, welcome. You look really familiar. Are you a former athlete?"
16571,55,3,11,Curt: Hockey.
16572,55,3,11,Barney (off voice): The attraction is instant and undeniable.
16573,55,3,11,[Present- The apartment]
16574,55,3,11,"Barney: But you know better. You've seen your friends make the same mistakes before. You've laughed smugly at them.(laughs) Idiots! But still, you think, ""this is different. The platinum rule doesn't apply to me."" And that step 2! Bargaining."
16575,55,3,11,[TITLE: BARGAINING- 2007- The bar- All]
16576,55,3,11,Robin: I think i've got a little crush on our sports guy.
16577,55,3,11,"All: NO! no, no, don't do it!"
16578,55,3,11,"Robin: I know, i know but he used to play hockey, and i'm canadian. I can't help it. If he were missing some teeth, i probably would have already hit that."
16579,55,3,11,"Lily: Robin, it's a mistake. Remember what happened with me and Marshall? The Gerards across the hall?"
16580,55,3,11,[2006- The bar- All]
16581,55,3,11,Lily: Michael and LAura. They're awesome. We're gonna invite them over for dinner.
16582,55,3,11,"The others: Oh no, no guys guys! Are you insane?"
16583,55,3,11,"Ted: This is NYC.You don't get close to the neighbors. You nod at them politely in the hall. You call the cops if you haven't seen them in a while and you smell something funny, and that is it."
16584,55,3,11,Lily: we're not gonna date them. We're just gonna be friends with them.
16585,55,3,11,Barney: That's the couples version of dating.
16586,55,3,11,"Robin: And you've got the couples version of the hots for them. Oh, yeah, you want to browse at pottery barn with them. You want to go antiquing with them, don't you? Oh, yeah, you want to antique the crap out of them."
16587,55,3,11,Barney: Need i remind you what happened with me and Wendy the waitress?
16588,55,3,11,[2005- The bar- All]
16589,55,3,11,Barney: I've decided to seduce Wendy the waitress.
16590,55,3,11,The others: No! Don't do it!
16591,55,3,11,Barney: Request denied! What rule is there that say's i can't seduce the waitress at my favorite bar?
16592,55,3,11,Lily: I don't know. I'd expect you to have one already.
16593,55,3,11,"Robin: Yeah, with some sort of catchy name."
16594,55,3,11,"Barney: Well, i don't. I don't have one and i never will be because it's a great idea. Come on, guys! She's gullible. I'm bored. We're perfect for each other."
16595,55,3,11,"Ted: Barney, we love this bar. If you screxw over Wendy the waitress, you're going to kill the bar."
16596,55,3,11,Robin: Bar killer.
16597,55,3,11,"Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude."
16598,55,3,11,"Barney: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay."
16599,55,3,11,[2006- The bar- All]
16600,55,3,11,Barney (to Marshall and Lily): And it was a huge mistake.
16601,55,3,11,"Marshall: yeah, well, i think it'll be okay."
16602,55,3,11,[2007- The bar]
16603,55,3,11,Lily (to Robin): And it was a huge mistake.
16604,55,3,11,"Robin: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay."
16605,55,3,11,[Present day- The apartment]
16606,55,3,11,Robin: And it was a huge mistake.
16607,55,3,11,"Ted: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay."
16608,55,3,11,[How i met your mother - Credits]
16609,55,3,11,"Barney: Ted, trust me. You don't want to do this."
16610,55,3,11,"Ted: Look, Stella and i are adults; we're both smart, mature people capable of making good decisions."
16611,55,3,11,Robin: You have a butterfly tramp stamp.
16612,55,3,11,"Ted: We're just seeing a movie. If it seems at all weird, i'll back off."
16613,55,3,11,Barney: That's what everyone thinks and then along comes step 3: Submission.
16614,55,3,11,[TITLE: SUBMISSION- Closing of the bar- Barney/Wendy the waitress]
16615,55,3,11,Barney: Good night!
16616,55,3,11,Wendy: Hey Barney! Carl had to take off. You mind giving me a hand?
16617,55,3,11,Barney: Not at all.
16618,55,3,11,[Set of metro news 1- Robin/Curt]
16619,55,3,11,Curt: Robin! I got 2 tickets to the rangers. Center ice. Want to go?
16620,55,3,11,[The hall of the appartment- Marshall/Lily/Laura&Michael]
16621,55,3,11,Laura: and then we discover the movers lost all our kitchen boxes. We don't have a single pot or pan.
16622,55,3,11,Michael: Guess we're ordering take-out.
16623,55,3,11,Lily: Want to have dinner with us tonight?
16624,55,3,11,[Barney kisses Wendy/ Robin and Curt are in the hockey match/ Lily&Marshall cook with Laura&Michael/ Barney and wendy have s*x on the bar/ The 2 couples play mime/ Robin kisses Curt]
16625,55,3,11,"[Barney and Wendy, just after they had s*x]"
16626,55,3,11,Wendy: That was an intersting use of the beverage gun.
16627,55,3,11,Barney: Club soda can get anything off.
16628,55,3,11,"Wendy: It finally happened, all this time, every drink i brought you... I always felt there was this unspoken connection between us. And i was right!"
16629,55,3,11,"Barney: hey, can i get a gin and tonic?"
16630,55,3,11,[Present day- the apartment]
16631,55,3,11,"Ted: See, i bet you didn't pay for that gin and tonic."
16632,55,3,11,"Barney: oh, i paid for it."
16633,55,3,11,"Ted: But you got to admit, there is an upside to breaking the platinum rule. Like maybe as her boyfrien, i could get a discount on treatments."
16634,55,3,11,"Barney: Oh, Ted, of course there's an upside. At first, that's step 4: Perks."
16635,55,3,11,[TITLE: PERKS- 2007 The bar]
16636,55,3,11,"Robin: we can split a cab to work together. We always have a standing lunch date. And last night, at the hockey game, Curt got us into the locker room, and i met Mason Raymond. Left wing for the Vancouver canucks."
16637,55,3,11,Barney: What the opposite of name-dropping?
16638,55,3,11,"Robin: Damn it you guys, be psyched. Yes, we see each other every day, but i think it's going really well."
16639,55,3,11,Lily: That's what we thought.
16640,55,3,11,[2006 - The bar]
16641,55,3,11,Lily: And it's so conveniant. They're right across the hall. Say it's sunday and we want to have a brunch double date with someone.
16642,55,3,11,Marshall: We just go across the hall.
16643,55,3,11,Lily: And say we want to have a dinner party exploring the wine and cuisine of France's Loire Valley.
16644,55,3,11,Marshall: We just go across the hall.
16645,55,3,11,Lily: Say we want to play a game of charades...
16646,55,3,11,(Marshall mimes something)
16647,55,3,11,Barney (guessing): you just go across the hall? (Marshall agreed)
16648,55,3,11,"Lily: Come on people, get excited for us! We've got a great thing going here."
16649,55,3,11,Barney: That's what i thought.
16650,55,3,11,[2005 - The bar]
16651,55,3,11,"Marshall: Dude, you got to flick it."
16652,55,3,11,Barney: you don't have... (Wendy the waitress comes and serves food to Barney)
16653,55,3,11,"Wendy: Hi, sweetie. I had the kitchen whip these up, no charge. (They kiss) Okay. Bye. I mean, not bye. I'm not leaving. I'll be over there. okay. (She leaves)"
16654,55,3,11,"Barney: Come on, guys, free nachos. What?"
16655,55,3,11,Ted: We like this bar.
16656,55,3,11,"Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude."
16657,55,3,11,"Ted: Barney, we love this bar."
16658,55,3,11,"Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude."
16659,55,3,11,Ted: This bar is like home to us.
16660,55,3,11,Marshall(at the same time): Don't kill the bar.
16661,55,3,11,Lily: You're killing the bar.
16662,55,3,11,"Barney: I'm not killing the bar. Wendy the waitress has seen how i operate in this place. It is perfectly clear to everyone involved that this is nothing more than a temporary fling. (Wendy starves him, lovely) It's fiiine."
16663,55,3,11,[2006 - The bar]
16664,55,3,11,Barney (to Lily and Marshall): But it wasn't.
16665,55,3,11,Marshall: It's fine.
16666,55,3,11,[2007 -The bar]
16667,55,3,11,Lily (to Robin): But it wasn't.
16668,55,3,11,Robin: It's fine.
16669,55,3,11,[Present day -the appartment]
16670,55,3,11,Robin: But it wasn't.
16671,55,3,11,Barney: Which brings us to step 5: THE TIPPING POINT.
16672,55,3,11,
16673,55,3,11,[TITLE: THE TIPPING POINT- set of metro news 1- Curt/Robin]
16674,55,3,11,"Curt:...but he should be back on the mound by spring training and that's sport. Back to you, Robin."
16675,55,3,11,Robin: Thanks iron man we'll be right back.
16676,55,3,11,Productor: and clear.
16677,55,3,11,Robin: So you want to do something later?
16678,55,3,11,"Curt: Oh, so you're talking to me now?"
16679,55,3,11,Robin: What are you talking about?
16680,55,3,11,"Curt: I'm talking about last night. You said you'd call and you didn't. I missed you and i waited up, but you didn't call. That really hurts."
16681,55,3,11,"Robin: oh, um, i'm sorry, i-i guess i just forgot."
16682,55,3,11,Curt: I'm sorry Sweetie. I don't want to fight tonight. It's our first weekiversary. (he hugs her)
16683,55,3,11,[2005- The bar- Barney/Ted/Marshall]
16684,55,3,11,"Marshall: on my suggestion, you... (Barney looks at a girl)"
16685,55,3,11,"Barney: hey, Wendy, uh, do me a favor and send a glass of champagne to that pretty young girl over there."
16686,55,3,11,"Wendy: What? (Ted and Marshall starve Barney, anxious)"
16687,55,3,11,Barney: over there... YOU... you're the pretty young thing...is what i meant. Champagne? Would you? on me.
16688,55,3,11,"Wendy: Oh, okay, thanks sweetie. (She kisses him)"
16689,55,3,11,Barney: okay. All right.
16690,55,3,11,"[2006- The apartment- Lily/Marshall- They want to go out, lily opens the door]"
16691,55,3,11,"Michael: hey, neighbors."
16692,55,3,11,Laura: We bought all the fixings for a mexican fiesta.
16693,55,3,11,"Lily: um, well, we actually have tickets..."
16694,55,3,11,Michael: and no fiesta would be complete without
16695,55,3,11,"Marshall: Dude, actually, we made other plans, so... okay (Michael mimes) one word. 2 syllables. Sounds like... parades: charades."
16696,55,3,11,Michael: charades!
16697,55,3,11,Laura: What do you say?
16698,55,3,11,"[3 plans on the same time: Curts hugs Robin on the set/ Lily&Marshall sit down the couch, looking the couple mime/ Barney and Wendy at the bar]"
16699,55,3,11,All: Oh no!
16700,55,3,11,[Present day- The apartment]
16701,55,3,11,Barney: which brings to step 6.
16702,55,3,11,"Ted: Yeah, listen i'm leaving so if you want to write the rest of these down, i will read it tomorrow."
16703,55,3,11,"(Ted wants to go out, Barney stops him)"
16704,55,3,11,Barney: Don't do this Ted.
16705,55,3,11,Ted: You want to get out of the way?
16706,55,3,11,Ted: Don't do this Ted. Don't (He brushes his hair in a mess)
16707,55,3,11,Ted: Dude! ya! It was perfect! You're such a jerk!
16708,55,3,11,Barney: Which brings us to step 6. You finally realize you've made a huge mistake and now you have to live with it. Step 6 is called purg... wait for it. Keep waiting. Keep waiting for the eternity only to dicover there's no escap-atory.
16709,55,3,11,[TITLE: PURGATORY - 2007 - The bar- All]
16710,55,3,11,"Robin: God, i'm such an idiot."
16711,55,3,11,Marshall: yeah.
16712,55,3,11,"Robin: Curt ""the iron man"" irons keeps leaving me love notes on post-its. On the teleprompter, on my desk, on the coffee-maker, on the jar of sugar packets next to the coffee-maker."
16713,55,3,11,"Lily (reads a post-it): ""here's some sugar for my sugar."""
16714,55,3,11,Robin: The iron man. oh!
16715,55,3,11,Marshall: I remember that.
16716,55,3,11,[2006- The bar- All]
16717,55,3,11,Marshall: Ro! we are such idiots!
16718,55,3,11,Barney: Yeah!
16719,55,3,11,"Lily: Every time we step out the door, they're out there waiting for us. Sometimes, we'll send Ted out first as a scout. Nobody's there. Then we'll go out one second later, and there they are."
16720,55,3,11,Marshall: It's freakin' supernatural. Are they ghosts? Can only we see them?
16721,55,3,11,"Lily: ""Hey neighbor!"" ""Hey, neighbor""""Hey neighbor."""
16722,55,3,11,Barney: I remember that.
16723,55,3,11,[2005 -The bar- All]
16724,55,3,11,Barney: How could you guys let me date Wendy the waitress?
16725,55,3,11,All: oh you are kidding me?! What?!
16726,55,3,11,Marshall: Don't kill the bar dude!
16727,55,3,11,"Lily (same time): We said ""don't do it!"""
16728,55,3,11,"Barney: tss (He looks at a girl but Wendy is right behind, she smiles, he looks desperate)"
16729,55,3,11,"My own bar. I can't hit on women in my own bar. Remember the old Barney? He was a lion, the king of the jungle, stalking whatever prey he chose, going in for the kill."
16730,55,3,11,"Ted: You've got a whole meat locker at home full of corpses, don't you?"
16731,55,3,11,"Barney: Now look at me. Declawed. Neutered. What was once my jungle is now my zoo and i am forced to mate with the same old lioness again, and again, and again while families pay to watch."
16732,55,3,11,"Ted: yeah, this metaphor's really falling apart."
16733,55,3,11,"Barney: Put a bell around my neck and scratch my belly kids, for i am just a docile housecat now. Miaou!"
16734,55,3,11,"Lily: Well, we love this bar. You can't dump her. Marry her if you have to."
16735,55,3,11,Robin: Wendy the waitress hyphen Stinson.
16736,55,3,11,Marshall: don't kill the bar dude.
16737,55,3,11,[Present day- The apartment]
16738,55,3,11,"Barney: And so, inevitably, you have to do the thing you've been dreading all along. Now, a relationship-ectomy is a delicate surgery as it is, but in the case of the platinum rule, it takes a very, very steady hand, and that's step 7: CONFRONTATION."
16739,55,3,11,[TITLE: CONFRONTATION- set of metro news 1]
16740,55,3,11,"Robin: Curt, we need to talk. I like you..."
16741,55,3,11,[The hall- Lily/Marshall/the couple]
16742,55,3,11,"Marshall: guys, we like you a lot..."
16743,55,3,11,[The bar -Barney/Wendy]
16744,55,3,11,Barney: I don't like you.
16745,55,3,11,"Robin: We're pretending this works, but it doesn't. And i'm getting a little sick of the whole charade."
16746,55,3,11,Lily: We're getting a little sick of charades.
16747,55,3,11,"Barney: I mean, i don't like you that way. I used to like you that way but now that i've seen everything there is to see, i don't know, i kind of want to see those same parts just on other girls."
16748,55,3,11,Robin: So maybe we could go back to just being coworkers.
16749,55,3,11,Marshall: Maybe we should just go back to being neighbors.
16750,55,3,11,"Barney: other girls and you, if you're into that but the other girls have to be there, too. That's the important part."
16751,55,3,11,"Wendy: Gosh, you're just terrified of ever getting close to anyone, aren't you?"
16752,55,3,11,Barney: or that. Let's say it's that. So can i get a gin and tonic?
16753,55,3,11,[Present day]
16754,55,3,11,"Barney: And in any other relationship, that would be it. End of story. But because you have to see this person again, there's a step 8: FALLOUT."
16755,55,3,11,[TITLE: FALLOUT- set of metro news one]
16756,55,3,11,"Robin: And now, here's Curt ""the iron man"" irons with sports. Curt? (he's demoralized) Curt?"
16757,55,3,11,"Curt: Well, the Knicks lost. It's sad, really. They had a real shot. Then, out of nowhere, game over. And why? Why Robin?"
16758,55,3,11,"Robin: Uh, well, their perimeter shooting has been a little bit off this season..."
16759,55,3,11,"Curt: The knicks lost because they were afraid of getting hurt. So they didn't even try. Well, you know what i think? I think the knicks didn't deserve my love to begin with. Kincks suck! (He gets out, on tears)"
16760,55,3,11,Robin: And that's sports.
16761,55,3,11,[camera looks inside the boudha of the apartment]
16762,55,3,11,Lily: Do you see anything?
16763,55,3,11,Marshall: I think we're clear.
16764,55,3,11,"Lily: ok go go go. (They go out but the door of the Gerards opens, they gets in quickly)"
16765,55,3,11,Marshall: That was close.
16766,55,3,11,Lily: Too close. (Someone knocks on the door) You've got to be kidding me. What do we do?
16767,55,3,11,Marshall: I have no idea. (it knocks again)
16768,55,3,11,"Ted: guys, are you here? I forgot my keys. Can you open up?"
16769,55,3,11,Lily: It's just Ted!
16770,55,3,11,Marshall: Wait! (He looks at the judha: Ted is alone)
16771,55,3,11,Ted: Hello? Guys? (Marshall looks again and see the Gerards go out their apartment)
16772,55,3,11,"Marshall: Baby, we only have one choice."
16773,55,3,11,"Lily: Okay, hurry! (They come down to the rescue ladder) Michael and Laura are probably..."
16774,55,3,11,"Laura: Hey, neighbors."
16775,55,3,11,[The bar]
16776,55,3,11,"Wendy: Barney, i just want you to know, i have no hard feelings. It wasn't the best idea for us to get involved. I hope we can still be friends."
16777,55,3,11,Barney: Thanks Wendy. Of course we can.
16778,55,3,11,"Wendy: If you need anything else, let me know."
16779,55,3,11,Ted: waouh. I've got to hand it to Wendy the waitress that was very mature of her.
16780,55,3,11,Barney: She's gonna try to kill me. This is poisoned.
16781,55,3,11,Ted: What? You're being ridiculous.
16782,55,3,11,Barney: Yours is poisoned too. She's trying to kill me and everyone close to me.
16783,55,3,11,Ted: What are you talking about?
16784,55,3,11,"Barney: Ted! Look at the facts. I dump her and she says ""no hard feelings"". She's a psycho! What other explanation is there?"
16785,55,3,11,"Ted: Uh, that you're letting yourself believe she's crazy so you don't have to face the far more likely possibility that she doesn't want to date you either?"
16786,55,3,11,Barney: Where did Marshall get that hamburger?
16787,55,3,11,"Ted: I don't know, i guess Wendy the Waitress brought it to him."
16788,55,3,11,"Barney (in slow motion, comes towards Marshall): Noooooooo! (He throws his hamburger away)"
16789,55,3,11,Marshall: Dude.
16790,55,3,11,Barney: You're welcome.
16791,55,3,11,[Present day]
16792,55,3,11,"Robin: Wait a second. You've been sitting here, pretending to be the expert on all this, but the truth is, this was no real fallout from your breakup at all?"
16793,55,3,11,Barney: Yet.
16794,55,3,11,Robin: You're an idiot.
16795,55,3,11,"Ted: All right, i'm taking off."
16796,55,3,11,Barney: What?
16797,55,3,11,Ted: I have a date. (Barney brushes Ted's hair in a mess)
16798,55,3,11,Ted: You're such a jerk!
16799,55,3,11,"Barney: Ted, have you not been listening? Attraction, bargaining, submission, perks, tipping point, purgatory, confrontation, fallout! These things will all happen to you as surely as they happened to all of us! It's a rule of nature."
16800,55,3,11,"Ted: Well, i'm sick of all the rules! There's too many of them! The hot/crazy scale, the lemon law, the platinum rule! If everyone in the world followed every one of your rules, the human race would cease to exist. Yes chances are to Stella and I are not going to live happily ever after the overwhelming odds have it ending badly. And when that happens, it'll be for one of a million possible reasons. But that doesn't mean i'm not gonna try. And when it does fail, so help me god, it's not gonna be because of some rule. (He watches himself in th mirror) PS: you just made my hair look awesome. Good night. (He leaves)"
16801,55,3,11,"Narrator: So Stella and i went on our date. But here's the funny thing: turns out, it wasn't actually a date."
16802,55,3,11,[TITLE: 3 hours later- The apartment- All]
16803,55,3,11,"Marshall: So what do you mean ""it wasn't a date""?"
16804,55,3,11,Ted: She thought we were seeing a movie just as friends.
16805,55,3,11,Marshall: Why would she think that?
16806,55,3,11,Robin: Did she see your tattoo and assume you were gay?
16807,55,3,11,"Ted: Apparently, there's a rule that says i can't date Stella."
16808,55,3,11,"Barney: Exactly, the platinum rule. Stella reads my blog."
16809,55,3,11,"Ted: No, this rule comes from the american medical association. Doctors aren't legally allowed to date their patients."
16810,55,3,11,"Lily: Oh, sorry Ted."
16811,55,3,11,Ted: It's okay. What are you guys watching?
16812,55,3,11,"Narrator: So that was the end of the story between me and Stella, at least for the time being. But i don't know, looking back on the platinum rule, i think there's a ninth step. We'll call it coexistence. It's the moment you realize that all that anger and resentment just isn't useful."
16813,55,3,11,[Set metro news one]
16814,55,3,11,Robin: Thanks for watching.
16815,55,3,11,Curt: Good night.
16816,55,3,11,Narrator: and you start to let go of it.
16817,55,3,11,[The hall]
16818,55,3,11,Marshall&Lily (to Michael&Laura): Hey guys!
16819,55,3,11,Lily: So what do you guys have going on tonight?
16820,55,3,11,Laura: We're going to have a few friends over.
16821,55,3,11,Michael: gonna play some charades.
16822,55,3,11,Marshall: Have fun.
16823,55,3,11,Narrator: And move on with your life.
16824,55,3,11,[The bar- All]
16825,55,3,11,Narrator: It just takes a while.
16826,55,3,11,(Wendy comes to the table and offers a drink to Barney): On the house.
16827,55,3,11,Barney: Thanks. (She leaves and he throws the drink) Crazy!
16828,56,3,12,"Kids, I never wouldn't met your mother without a little luck Specifically the luck of the Irish Saint Patrick's Day The one day of the year when every young person in New York Go out and gets crazy Really Crazy Okay, maybe not that crazy But by 2008, we'd all had enough. Well, most of us."
16829,56,3,12,Who wants to kiss The Barney Stone?
16830,56,3,12,"Look, it's the Riddler."
16831,56,3,12,That's not the Riddler.
16832,56,3,12,That's Gumby.
16833,56,3,12,"Hey, Gumby, can we tie you in a knot later?"
16834,56,3,12,"Hey, NBA player sidelined by a knee injury?"
16835,56,3,12,"All right, laugh all you want, but this is my lucky St. Patty's Day suit."
16836,56,3,12,I have dry-cleaned many a stain off of this baby.
16837,56,3,12,You know why it's lucky?
16838,56,3,12,"'Cause it's green, the color of go, as in let's."
16839,56,3,12,"Uh, Barney, we, uh..."
16840,56,3,12,"we talked this over, and, uh, we're not doing St. Patty's Day this year."
16841,56,3,12,Come on. Let's...
16842,56,3,12,Are you s...
16843,56,3,12,Wow. Okay.
16844,56,3,12,I think I got to lie down.
16845,56,3,12,Can we shoot pool on you?
16846,56,3,12,No! No!
16847,56,3,12,Unacceptable!
16848,56,3,12,That's so not Raven!
16849,56,3,12,What are you gonna do instead?
16850,56,3,12,"We just got the keys to our new apartment, so we're gonna go over there and hang up that painting, have board game night."
16851,56,3,12,You're welcome to join us if you want.
16852,56,3,12,Board game night?!
16853,56,3,12,Board game night.
16854,56,3,12,Come on!
16855,56,3,12,Let's drink green beer.
16856,56,3,12,Let's do green Jell-O shots!
16857,56,3,12,Where's your St. Patty's Day spirit?!
16858,56,3,12,"Sorry, Peter. We're grown-ups now."
16859,56,3,12,We can't fly off to Neverland with you anymore.
16860,56,3,12,"All right, fine."
16861,56,3,12,You know what?
16862,56,3,12,I'll celebrate St. Patty's Day by myself.
16863,56,3,12,I don't need you people.
16864,56,3,12,You make me physically ill.
16865,56,3,12,He did look a little green.
16866,56,3,12,Hello?
16867,56,3,12,"Hey, happy St. Patty's Day!"
16868,56,3,12,"How are you? Yeah, I haven't talked to you forever."
16869,56,3,12,Who is it?
16870,56,3,12,It's Ted's butt.
16871,56,3,12,"Ah, damn it!"
16872,56,3,12,My phone keeps pocket-dialing!
16873,56,3,12,"That's, like, the eighth time today."
16874,56,3,12,"In fairness, I did call Ted's butt at, like, 2:00 this afternoon."
16875,56,3,12,It took long enough to call you back.
16876,56,3,12,"Barney, where are you?"
16877,56,3,12,"In a cab, heading downtown with our hot and sexy dates for the evening."
16878,56,3,12,"Yes, it happens that fast!"
16879,56,3,12,"We're going to that club Low Point, and you're coming with us."
16880,56,3,12,"Barney, for the last time..."
16881,56,3,12,"All right, I didn't want to tell you this in front of Marshall and Lily because they're old and married, and it's too late for them anyway, but Ted, the world is going to come to an end tonight."
16882,56,3,12,Yes. Think about it.
16883,56,3,12,"End of the world, Nostradamus. Notre Dame."
16884,56,3,12,Fighting Irish.
16885,56,3,12,Irish. St. Patrick's Day.
16886,56,3,12,"This is it, bro."
16887,56,3,12,Bro-pocalypse Now.
16888,56,3,12,Bromageddon.
16889,56,3,12,"Ted, you are young, you're single."
16890,56,3,12,You'll have so much more fun with me.
16891,56,3,12,Do you really want to spend your last night on Earth playing board games with Marshall and Lily?
16892,56,3,12,My hands smell weird. Smell this.
16893,56,3,12,"Yeah, they do. That's new."
16894,56,3,12,I'll be there in five minutes.
16895,56,3,12,Yes! All right!
16896,56,3,12,He's in! Ted's a great guy.
16897,56,3,12,Y... You're gonna love him.
16898,56,3,12,"So on March 17, 2008, I went to a big St. Patrick's Day party. And it's a good thing I did, because, funny story: your mother was there."
16899,56,3,12,Hi. Have you met Ted?
16900,56,3,12,Hi. I'm Mary.
16901,56,3,12,Hi. Happy St. Patty's Day.
16902,56,3,12,"I haven't met Ted, either."
16903,56,3,12,I'm Stephanie.
16904,56,3,12,Hi.
16905,56,3,12,"Dude, back off. I called dibs on Stephanie."
16906,56,3,12,Okay. Mary's hot.
16907,56,3,12,"Well, then I want Mary."
16908,56,3,12,Fine.
16909,56,3,12,"Oh, I see. Reverse psychology."
16910,56,3,12,"Then I'm sticking with Stephanie, Dr. Freud."
16911,56,3,12,Okay.
16912,56,3,12,Which one do you want more?
16913,56,3,12,Either one.
16914,56,3,12,I want them both.
16915,56,3,12,"You're an idiot, and it may be a moot point."
16916,56,3,12,"I mean, it doesn't look like we're getting in."
16917,56,3,12,Look at this.
16918,56,3,12,You know why there's a line?
16919,56,3,12,"It's because I ditched Marshall and Lily, and now the universe is punishing us for it, that's why."
16920,56,3,12,Yeah.
16921,56,3,12,"What's it gonna cost us to get in, $20?"
16922,56,3,12,$40?
16923,56,3,12,"Dude, come on, you're making the wee folk look bad."
16924,56,3,12,Just give him your pot o' gold.
16925,56,3,12,Is it just you two?
16926,56,3,12,Don't worry. We're not gonna blow your ratio.
16927,56,3,12,We happen to have two very hot girls with us.
16928,56,3,12,Mine's the hotter one.
16929,56,3,12,"Look, if it was just you two, you could go in right now."
16930,56,3,12,We got nothing but girls in there.
16931,56,3,12,People are gonna start thinking it's a lesbian bar.
16932,56,3,12,Would you excuse us for just a minute?
16933,56,3,12,"Ted, I'm gonna be honest."
16934,56,3,12,I was full of it with that whole Nostradamus thing.
16935,56,3,12,No.
16936,56,3,12,But I am starting to think there is some serious planetary crap going on here tonight.
16937,56,3,12,"Never in the history of New York City nightclubs has there been a shortage of dudes, not even during the Great Dude Shortage of 1883."
16938,56,3,12,We got to ditch these girls.
16939,56,3,12,But you dragged them all the way down here.
16940,56,3,12,I don't see no ring on this finger.
16941,56,3,12,"All right, hold on."
16942,56,3,12,"Uh, excuse me?"
16943,56,3,12,Are the girls in there hotter than our dates?
16944,56,3,12,"I don't know if they're hotter, but they're drunker."
16945,56,3,12,Rock 'n' roll.
16946,56,3,12,"Welcome to your dream home, my lady."
16947,56,3,12,"All right, all right."
16948,56,3,12,You can put me down. Robin thinks we're weird.
16949,56,3,12,"No, it's fine."
16950,56,3,12,It was only weird on the subway.
16951,56,3,12,Oh. I'm gonna check the other rooms to see if the previous owners left us any free stuff.
16952,56,3,12,I'm gonna hang our first piece of art.
16953,56,3,12,"Oh, look, there's already a nail."
16954,56,3,12,"Hey, Lil, free nail!"
16955,56,3,12,Score!
16956,56,3,12,How's that? Perfect.
16957,56,3,12,"Oh, now this is ridiculous."
16958,56,3,12,Is it the nail?
16959,56,3,12,Marshall?
16960,56,3,12,Is the wall slippery or something?
16961,56,3,12,Marshall.
16962,56,3,12,Is there a wind? Is there some sort of draft in here?
16963,56,3,12,Marshall!
16964,56,3,12,What?
16965,56,3,12,Your apartment's crooked.
16966,56,3,12,What do you mean?
16967,56,3,12,"It was the kind of thing you didn't notice until you noticed it. But once you did notice it, you couldn't not notice it. Lily and Marshall's new apartment was crooked."
16968,56,3,12,"Oh, no!"
16969,56,3,12,"Oh, no, no, no!"
16970,56,3,12,"Oh, no, no. Oh, no."
16971,56,3,12,Yes.
16972,56,3,12,Are you telling me that we just spent our entire life savings and then some on... on a crooked apartment?
16973,56,3,12,"Oh, my God!"
16974,56,3,12,"No, she's gonna flip."
16975,56,3,12,Just calm down. It's gonna be fine.
16976,56,3,12,Look what I found in the kids' room!
16977,56,3,12,Free skateboard. Score!
16978,56,3,12,Free Hungry Hungry Hippos.
16979,56,3,12,Double score! I'm gonna check the kitchen!
16980,56,3,12,Okay. How could she not notice this?
16981,56,3,12,It's like the last 20 minutes of Titanic in here.
16982,56,3,12,We have to keep this quiet.
16983,56,3,12,"If Lily finds out her new dream house is crooked, it's gonna... it's gonna break her heart."
16984,56,3,12,Free salad strainer!
16985,56,3,12,I love this place.
16986,56,3,12,"Just for tonight, okay?"
16987,56,3,12,Okay.
16988,56,3,12,But it's gonna be an uphill battle.
16989,56,3,12,I am just saying we have to think of the right angle.
16990,56,3,12,"I have a third one, but I'm not gonna say it."
16991,56,3,12,"Okay, Barney, I think we've stumbled into some kind of ethical, philosophical wormhole."
16992,56,3,12,Green suit.
16993,56,3,12,Yeah.
16994,56,3,12,"I ditched Marshall and Lily, and was rewarded with two beautiful girls."
16995,56,3,12,Suit's made of green.
16996,56,3,12,"We bailed on those two beautiful girls, and now we're being rewarded with a sea of beautiful girls."
16997,56,3,12,38 long.
16998,56,3,12,It's like the laws of the universe are working in reverse.
16999,56,3,12,Can you put it on my tab?
17000,56,3,12,Yeah. What's the last name?
17001,56,3,12,Garrido.
17002,56,3,12,"All right, I'm gonna try something, and if this works..."
17003,56,3,12,"Uh, hey."
17004,56,3,12,"Hey, what can I get you guys?"
17005,56,3,12,"A bottle of Dom Perignon, and can you put it on my tab?"
17006,56,3,12,Sure. What's the name?
17007,56,3,12,Garrido.
17008,56,3,12,Dude!
17009,56,3,12,"Oh, uh, yeah, you're right. Uh, make it two bottles."
17010,56,3,12,Two.
17011,56,3,12,"Now we wait, see if something good happens..."
17012,56,3,12,
17013,56,3,12,Oh! Hello!
17014,56,3,12,St. Patrick's Day tradition.
17015,56,3,12,"If you're not wearing green, you got to get pinched."
17016,56,3,12,"Well, I guess I got what I deserved."
17017,56,3,12,"I'm not wearing green, either."
17018,56,3,12,"This is, um, deep teal."
17019,56,3,12,The lighting makes it...
17020,56,3,12,"Uh, I'm Ted."
17021,56,3,12,"Ashlee with two ""e""s."
17022,56,3,12,"Please. ""C""s at most."
17023,56,3,12,"You know, you guys should come join me and my friends."
17024,56,3,12,We have a bottle of tequila and shockingly deep belly buttons.
17025,56,3,12,"Okay, it's official: do bad things, good things happen."
17026,56,3,12,"Ted, listen."
17027,56,3,12,Are you hearing that? That's the universe.
17028,56,3,12,The universe is talking to us.
17029,56,3,12,"We don't have to build a baseball field, do we?"
17030,56,3,12,No. The universe is telling us that we have a free pass tonight.
17031,56,3,12,The universe is saying that we don't have to live in fear of the...
17032,56,3,12,Are you still there?
17033,56,3,12,"Yeah, I'm here."
17034,56,3,12,...of the repercussions of our actions.
17035,56,3,12,"There is no waiting for tomorrow, because do you know why, Ted?"
17036,56,3,12,There is no tomorrow.
17037,56,3,12,"No tomorrow, huh?"
17038,56,3,12,"By the way, Mr. Garrido, second bottle of champagne gets you a complimentary ounce of caviar."
17039,56,3,12,Enjoy.
17040,56,3,12,No tomorrow!
17041,56,3,12,No tomorrow!
17042,56,3,12,No tomorrow!
17043,56,3,12,"Hey, I wonder what the grown-ups are doing right now."
17044,56,3,12,I win again.
17045,56,3,12,Why do I keep winning?
17046,56,3,12,Maybe your hippo is just hungrier hungrier than ours.
17047,56,3,12,That's it.
17048,56,3,12,"That's what it is. It's not gravity, that's for sure. I'll tell you that."
17049,56,3,12,What was that?
17050,56,3,12,What's going on here?
17051,56,3,12,"Okay, Lily..."
17052,56,3,12,"while you were in the other room, Robin and I, we discovered something about the apartment."
17053,56,3,12,It's not a big deal.
17054,56,3,12,It's not like a disaster. It's just...
17055,56,3,12,It's something that we're going to have to learn to live with.
17056,56,3,12,Robin and I saw a ghost.
17057,56,3,12,What?
17058,56,3,12,"Oh, he's kidding, right?"
17059,56,3,12,"No, we really saw a ghost."
17060,56,3,12,What did it look like?
17061,56,3,12,"Uh, a sheet with two holes in it."
17062,56,3,12,"He was a Confederate general who was wounded at the Battle of Antietam, and he died at the army hospital which once stood on this very spot."
17063,56,3,12,"And now he wanders these halls, vowing revenge against the Union cannonade hat once felled him."
17064,56,3,12,But he seems nice. He's a good-good guy.
17065,56,3,12,"Marshall, you see ghosts everywhere. You see ghosts at Stars Bucks."
17066,56,3,12,That Kenny G holiday CD just flew off the shelf.
17067,56,3,12,Last time that happened.
17068,56,3,12,"But, Robin, you're a skeptic, so if you say you saw a ghost..."
17069,56,3,12,"It passed right through me, and suddenly I felt cold, so very cold."
17070,56,3,12,"You know, Ashlee, I'm sorry."
17071,56,3,12,"You're probably just gonna want to get up and walk away, but I just have to test out this theory I've been working on."
17072,56,3,12,"Tonight, I am not looking for a relationship."
17073,56,3,12,"I really just want to hook up with you, leave before breakfast, and never see you again."
17074,56,3,12,I'm in.
17075,56,3,12,Unbelievable.
17076,56,3,12,"Hot damn, that's a deep navel."
17077,56,3,12,"No tomorrow, Ted."
17078,56,3,12,"Yeah, no tomorrow, Barney."
17079,56,3,12,"No tomorrow, huh?"
17080,56,3,12,I like that idea.
17081,56,3,12,"Because if there is a tomorrow, I'm gonna be in a lot of trouble."
17082,56,3,12,"Oh, yeah? Why is that?"
17083,56,3,12,I'm married.
17084,56,3,12,"Tell me you're messing with me, guys."
17085,56,3,12,You didn't actually see a ghost.
17086,56,3,12,"It's not a big deal, baby. He seemed friendly."
17087,56,3,12,You said he's a Confederate general. They're the bad guys.
17088,56,3,12,And he's probably racist.
17089,56,3,12,"No, he seemed polite."
17090,56,3,12,He had courtly Southern manners.
17091,56,3,12,We're gonna raise our kids here.
17092,56,3,12,I don't want some Confederate general ghost teaching them his racism.
17093,56,3,12,He loves people of all colors and creeds.
17094,56,3,12,"He was fighting for states' rights, that's all."
17095,56,3,12,Robin said he was wearing a sheet.
17096,56,3,12,What do you think that means?
17097,56,3,12,The apartment is crooked.
17098,56,3,12,What?
17099,56,3,12,Robin and I didn't see a ghost.
17100,56,3,12,"The floor is crooked, isn't it?"
17101,56,3,12,Yeah.
17102,56,3,12,We spent our entire life's savings on this floor.
17103,56,3,12,"The next 30 mortgage-paying years of our lives will be spent on this floor, and it's crooked."
17104,56,3,12,"Thanks a lot, Robin."
17105,56,3,12,"How is ""racist ghost"" better than ""crooked""?"
17106,56,3,12,"Seriously, somebody tell me how that's better."
17107,56,3,12,"Oh, I'm sorry."
17108,56,3,12,"Oh, that's okay."
17109,56,3,12,"Um, dude, so, I'm having second thoughts about that theory."
17110,56,3,12,"I'm telling you, if you want to know how old a woman is, check her elbows."
17111,56,3,12,Not that theory.
17112,56,3,12,"You have to be more specific, Ted, 'cause I have so many theories."
17113,56,3,12,"The whole do bad, good things happen..."
17114,56,3,12,Ashlee is married.
17115,56,3,12,So?
17116,56,3,12,"What do you mean, so?"
17117,56,3,12,"Open your brain tank, brah, 'cause here comes some premium 91 octane knowledge."
17118,56,3,12,There's three rules of cheating:
17119,56,3,12,"It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married, it's not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels, and it's not cheating if she's from a different area code."
17120,56,3,12,You're fine on all three counts.
17121,56,3,12,How do you know she's from a different area code?
17122,56,3,12,She's 516.
17123,56,3,12,"She might dress like she's 718, act like she's 212, but trust me, she's 516."
17124,56,3,12,"Oh, and her husband..."
17125,56,3,12,letting her out alone on Saint Patty's Day?
17126,56,3,12,"If that dude's not 973, I'm 307."
17127,56,3,12,Wyoming.
17128,56,3,12,We're gonna have to nail down all our furniture.
17129,56,3,12,We won't be able to get a pinball machine.
17130,56,3,12,"I mean, unless we put some books under two of the legs or something."
17131,56,3,12,But then what if we want to read those books?
17132,56,3,12,This is a nightmare.
17133,56,3,12,We can't raise our kids here. They'll grow up slanted.
17134,56,3,12,"If we have a daughter, we'll have to call her Eileen."
17135,56,3,12,"I don't think we can live here, Marshall."
17136,56,3,12,I don't know what we're gonna do.
17137,56,3,12,Marshall?
17138,56,3,12,Open the door.
17139,56,3,12,"If I make it through the door, that's five points."
17140,56,3,12,Woo-hoo!
17141,56,3,12,Yeah!
17142,56,3,12,Five points.
17143,56,3,12,Ten bucks says I can do it backwards.
17144,56,3,12,So Lily and Marshall decided to make the best of a bad situation. And that's also how the sport of Apartment Roller Luge was invented.
17145,56,3,12,Very careful baby! Oh yeah!
17146,56,3,12,So she's married? It's not like she has kids.
17147,56,3,12,How do you know?
17148,56,3,12,Wrists.
17149,56,3,12,It's like you don't even listen to me.
17150,56,3,12,"Oh, hey."
17151,56,3,12,Hey.
17152,56,3,12,Where'd you go?
17153,56,3,12,"Well, I just, um..."
17154,56,3,12,Was it something I said?
17155,56,3,12,"No, no, no, it's just, well..."
17156,56,3,12,"you're married and-and we've been drinking, and I was worried we might..."
17157,56,3,12,"Oh, this is a very bad idea."
17158,56,3,12,We have a problem.
17159,56,3,12,"Hey, hey. Hey."
17160,56,3,12,Hey.
17161,56,3,12,Is this your husband?
17162,56,3,12,I've never seen this man in my life.
17163,56,3,12,"Oh, okay. Uh, what's our problem?"
17164,56,3,12,Rick. Rick Garrido.
17165,56,3,12,"According to the bartender, I'm the guy that's been buying you champagne all night."
17166,56,3,12,"Okay, there's-there's a very simple explana..."
17167,56,3,12,"Next thing I know the police show up, they arrest the other guy, and I'm drinking for free the rest of the night."
17168,56,3,12,It was awesome.
17169,56,3,12,"Awesome, huh?"
17170,56,3,12,Yeah.
17171,56,3,12,You don't see anything wrong with that story?
17172,56,3,12,"Well, I lost my new phone back at the club somewhere."
17173,56,3,12,"What the hell is wrong with you, dude?"
17174,56,3,12,"You know me, I lose things."
17175,56,3,12,"You kissed a married woman, Ted."
17176,56,3,12,You committed credit card fraud.
17177,56,3,12,You... you kissed a married woman. Do you know how offensive that is to me?
17178,56,3,12,You're turning into Barney.
17179,56,3,12,We don't need another Barney.
17180,56,3,12,Look... it's Saint Patty's Day.
17181,56,3,12,It wasn't as bad as it sounds.
17182,56,3,12,"""It wasn't as bad as it sounds""?"
17183,56,3,12,No.
17184,56,3,12,Huh? Okay...
17185,56,3,12,"I want you to hear exactly how it sounds, Ted."
17186,56,3,12,First skipped message: I don't see no ring on this finger.
17187,56,3,12,And then last night started coming back to me:
17188,56,3,12,The real version.
17189,56,3,12,Are the girls in there hotter than our dates ?
17190,56,3,12,"I don't know if they're hotter, but they're drunker."
17191,56,3,12,Rock 'n' roll.
17192,56,3,12,How many messages did I...
17193,56,3,12,Seventeen...
17194,56,3,12,"Kids, it's sometimes possible to think you're doing just fine in life..."
17195,56,3,12,Next message: Can you put it on my tab?
17196,56,3,12,"Sure, what's the last name?"
17197,56,3,12,Garrido.
17198,56,3,12,"...and then someone opens your eyes a little bit, and you realize..."
17199,56,3,12,"Next message: I really want to hook up with you, leave before breakfast, and then never see you again."
17200,56,3,12,...your whole world is off balance...
17201,56,3,12,Next message: ...out of whack...
17202,56,3,12,"Okay, look, brah, there is a very simple explana..."
17203,56,3,12,...crooked.
17204,56,3,12,That was hard to listen to.
17205,56,3,12,No one likes how they sound on an answering machine.
17206,56,3,12,Thanks for doing that.
17207,56,3,12,You yelled at me.
17208,56,3,12,You got very firm with me.
17209,56,3,12,Very confident.
17210,56,3,12,It was cool.
17211,56,3,12,Thanks.
17212,56,3,12,"You're very sexy when you yell, Marshall."
17213,56,3,12,Shut up.
17214,56,3,12,"Veins, crazy muscles in your neck."
17215,56,3,12,You look like a Kentucky Derby-winning steed.
17216,56,3,12,You're ruining a nice moment.
17217,56,3,12,"At one point, I swear, I thought we were gonna kiss."
17218,56,3,12,"Ted, seriously."
17219,56,3,12,I'm married.
17220,56,3,12,Oh... a slanted floor.
17221,56,3,12,"Architecturally speaking, fixing that's going to be..."
17222,56,3,12,"Very, very, very expensive."
17223,56,3,12,"And it's gonna take some time, too, so it looks like you're stuck with us for a little while longer, if that's okay."
17224,56,3,12,Are you kidding?
17225,56,3,12,I love it.
17226,56,3,12,I don't know what's gonna happen to me without you guys around.
17227,56,3,12,Where are you going?
17228,56,3,12,I'm going to get my stupid phone.
17229,56,3,12,"So that was Saint Patrick's Day, 2008."
17230,56,3,12,I found out years later that your mom was at that party.
17231,56,3,12,I just didn't meet her.
17232,56,3,12,"And it's a good thing I didn't, 'cause if I had met her, I don't think she would have liked me."
17233,56,3,12,"Heck, I don't think I liked me."
17234,56,3,12,But that's okay.
17235,56,3,12,Tomorrow had arrived.
17236,56,3,12,"♪ Leave me alone, and there'll be ♪♪ No one to get hurt ♪"
17237,56,3,12,♪ Nobody move and there'll be Nothin' to disturb ♪♪ The sum of it all is that you Don't know where to turn ♪
17238,56,3,12,♪ Despite all your promises you Don't keep what you learn ♪
17239,56,3,12,"You see, I didn't know it yet, but my luck was about to change."
17240,56,3,12,♪ Beautiful beat get me out of this mess ♪
17241,57,3,13,Ted is waiting for his turn in the tattoo removal center.
17242,57,3,13,"Ted from 2030: Kids, sometimes in life you see someone and you just instantly know this is the person for you. It can happen anywhere. Even the waiting room of a tattoo removal clinic. And that's what happened when I met..Stella."
17243,57,3,13,Ted is inside the doctor's office
17244,57,3,13,"Stella: Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp. My bread and butter. So I'm guessing that the real story involves a bad breakup and some booze. Unless it's a gang tattoo, in which case, I think it's time to find a new gang."
17245,57,3,13,"Ted: No, I just thought it would be cool to get a caterpillar tattoo, and then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden..."
17246,57,3,13,"Stella: Well, I can get rid of it in ten one-hour sessions, but, I should warn you, laser surgery's very painful."
17247,57,3,13,"Ted: Well, I think you'll find I have a very high tolerance for pain. Just last night, I sat through the worst movie ever made."
17248,57,3,13,"Stella: Oh, Plan 9 From Outer Space?"
17249,57,3,13,"Ted: No, the worst movie... Manos: Hands of Fate."
17250,57,3,13,"Stella: Uh, I'm a doctor, went to medical school. It's Plan 9. If you don't believe me, it's playing down at the Pamela Theater."
17251,57,3,13,"Ted: Uh-huh. I don't believe you, Doctor."
17252,57,3,13,"Stella: Well, what are you doing tonight?"
17253,57,3,13,At the movie theater
17254,57,3,13,"(Ted arrives there, Stella is already there and is waiting to buy a ticket)"
17255,57,3,13,"Stella: Hey, Ted."
17256,57,3,13,"Ted: Hey. Hey, put that away. Tonight's on me."
17257,57,3,13,"Stella: Oh, no, no, don't..."
17258,57,3,13,"Ted: Come on, I insist."
17259,57,3,13,"Stella: That's so nice. Thank you. Hey, guys, this is my friend Ted. (3 women approaches) He wants to pay."
17260,57,3,13,"Ted: Oh, wow. Oh, yay. Wow, thank you. One, two, three, four."
17261,57,3,13,"(Later, the movie has begun, Stella's friends are sitting between she and Ted)"
17262,57,3,13,"Woman 1, to Ted: Is something wrong?"
17263,57,3,13,"Ted: No, it's just, um... I'm just a little embarrassed. I thought this was a date. But it's no big deal. Don't worry about it."
17264,57,3,13,"Woman 2, to Woman 1: What's wrong?"
17265,57,3,13,"Woman 1, to Woman 2: Ted's embarrassed-- he thought this was a date."
17266,57,3,13,"Woman 2, to Woman 3: Ted thought this was a date."
17267,57,3,13,"Woman 3, to Stella: Stella, did you know Ted thought this was a date?"
17268,57,3,13,"Stella, to Woman 3: What? I'm not allowed to date a patient. It's an AMA rule."
17269,57,3,13,"Woman 3, to Woman 2: She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule."
17270,57,3,13,"Woman 2, to Woman 1: She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule."
17271,57,3,13,"Woman 1, to Ted: She's not allowed to date..."
17272,57,3,13,"Ted: Yeah, I got it."
17273,57,3,13,Man: We all got it. Ted's a schmuck.
17274,57,3,13,[OPENING CREDITS]
17275,57,3,13,In Stella's office
17276,57,3,13,Stella: And you bought all the tickets.
17277,57,3,13,"Ted: Yeah, yeah. Hey, you were right. Worst movie-going experience ever. Of course, it had nothing to do with the movie."
17278,57,3,13,Stella: I am so sorry that you thought that was a date.
17279,57,3,13,"Ted: No, it's fine. I got to hang out with you on girls' night out. All right, so if you're not allowed to date a patient, I'll just... I'll wait until these ten session are up and then I'll ask you out then."
17280,57,3,13,"Stella: Well, then,fair warning: I'm going to say no."
17281,57,3,13,"Ted: Really? I'm getting mixed signals from you. I feel like you've been staring at my ass for quite some time. What, you're married?"
17282,57,3,13,Stella: No.
17283,57,3,13,Ted: Boyfriend?
17284,57,3,13,Stella: No.
17285,57,3,13,Ted: Lesbian?
17286,57,3,13,Stella: No.
17287,57,3,13,Ted: Only date black guys?
17288,57,3,13,Stella: No.
17289,57,3,13,"Ted: And yet you can say with absolute confidence that ten weeks from now, if I ask you out on a date, your answer will be..."
17290,57,3,13,Stella: No.
17291,57,3,13,At the Bar
17292,57,3,13,"Robin: No... Hmm. What could she mean when she says 'no'? I don't know, it is totally cryptic."
17293,57,3,13,Ted: This is far from over. We're talking ten weeks from now. Who knows what she'll want then? Do you know what you're going to want for lunch ten weeks from now?
17294,57,3,13,"Marshall: Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail and a milk shake."
17295,57,3,13,"Barney: Ted, do you know how long it takes a woman to decide whether or not she's going to sleep with a guy? 8.3 seconds. After that, her decision is made. She will not change her mind."
17296,57,3,13,Ted: That's ridiculous.
17297,57,3,13,Barney: Is it? Describe your first 8.3 seconds with Stella.
17298,57,3,13,[FLASHBACK]
17299,57,3,13,Ted is waiting for his appointment.
17300,57,3,13,Stella: Lower back butterfly tattoo... you're up.
17301,57,3,13,(Ted and a woman stand up at the same time)
17302,57,3,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17303,57,3,13,"Ted: So we got off to a rocky start. That may be a problem for some guys, but I get better over time. Right? I'm not some Top 40 song... easily digestible. I'm complex. I require time and multiple listens. I'm 'Stairway to Heaven'."
17304,57,3,13,"Robin: Wow, Roger Daltrey just rolled over in his grave. That's not the right guy, is it? He's not even dead, is he?"
17305,57,3,13,"Lily: I think that's great, Ted. You can do whatever you set your mind to. In fact, you've inspired me. I'm going to stop biting my nails."
17306,57,3,13,"Marshall: But, baby, you love biting your nails."
17307,57,3,13,"Lily: I know, but I'm doing this for Ted. Hmm. God, this is really hard."
17308,57,3,13,"Ted: Give me ten sessions, I'm going to turn that ""no"" into a ""yes."""
17309,57,3,13,"Barney: Really, Ted? You think so? Well, tell me, how did the rest of that session go?"
17310,57,3,13,[FLASHBACK]
17311,57,3,13,(Ted is lying on a table)
17312,57,3,13,Stella: This is going to hurt a little.
17313,57,3,13,"Ted: Yeah, well, I can handle pain. This one time I was playing tennis, and... (He screams in a high-pitched ton)"
17314,57,3,13,"Stella: Yeah, but tattoo removal really hurts. Everyone probably sounds like that."
17315,57,3,13,"(Abby, the receptionist, enters the room)"
17316,57,3,13,"Abby: Doctor, are you all right? I heard a woman screaming in here. Oh. (she starts laughing and leave)"
17317,57,3,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17318,57,3,13,Ted: Here's to nine more great sessions.
17319,57,3,13,Ted from 2030: Weeks went by. The second session I told her about how I spent a summer working with inner-city kids. The third session we both spoke nothing but French. The fourth session I made her laugh so hard she fell out of her chair. So by the time the fifth session came around...
17320,57,3,13,Stella: Still no.
17321,57,3,13,At the Bar
17322,57,3,13,"Ted: Still no. What's up with that? I mean, I juggled."
17323,57,3,13,Barney: You juggled? I thought you were trying to impress her.
17324,57,3,13,Ted: You do magic. How is juggling any lamer than magic?
17325,57,3,13,Barney: Magic's not lame.
17326,57,3,13,Ted: I don't get it. I mean...
17327,57,3,13,Barney: Is this lame?
17328,57,3,13,"Robin: Oh, Barney, no, no. We said no fireballs at the table."
17329,57,3,13,Marshall: What the hell is wrong with you?
17330,57,3,13,Robin: There's alcohol in here.
17331,57,3,13,Lily: Barney...
17332,57,3,13,Barney: I...
17333,57,3,13,Lily: We've talked about this. It's a fire code violation.
17334,57,3,13,"Barney: Yeah, but Ted provoked me."
17335,57,3,13,"Lily: No, no, you are on a time-out. Go sit over there."
17336,57,3,13,Barney: But...
17337,57,3,13,Lily: Go!
17338,57,3,13,Ted: Anyway... I don't get it. She should be into me by now.
17339,57,3,13,"Lily: You know, you can do this, Ted. I said that I would stop biting my nails, and kablam-ey. It's just a challenge. It can't be easy to woo someone while you're sticking your naked butt in their face."
17340,57,3,13,"Marshall: Works for baboons. It's called ""presenting."""
17341,57,3,13,Ted: I got four sessions left. Ther-There's got to be an angle I'm not seeing.
17342,57,3,13,"Barney: You can't turn a ""no"" into a ""yes,"" Ted. Can't be done."
17343,57,3,13,"Robin: I don't know, Barney. I mean, sometimes persistence pays off. I said ""yes"" eventually."
17344,57,3,13,"Barney: No, you didn't. You were like, ""No, we can't, we're friends. It would mess up the dynamic of the group."""
17345,57,3,13,Robin: To Ted.
17346,57,3,13,"Barney: Oh, right."
17347,57,3,13,"Ted: Wait a second. Wait a second, I got the angle."
17348,57,3,13,[FLASHBACK]
17349,57,3,13,"(Ted comes out of Stella's office. Abby, the receptionist, is on the phone; she looks upset.)"
17350,57,3,13,"Abby: Sir, please don't yell at me, because when people yell at me, I have a tendency to start crying. Please don't do it."
17351,57,3,13,"Stella: Abby, I've told you before."
17352,57,3,13,Abby:...Please...
17353,57,3,13,"Stella: When they're rude to you, hang up the phone."
17354,57,3,13,Abby:...how difficult it is for me to...
17355,57,3,13,"Stella: Go on, you can do this, hang up. Abby, hang it up."
17356,57,3,13,Abby: I am too busy to waste my time... (Abby finally hangs up)
17357,57,3,13,"Stella: I'm sorry, I just wish that some of the patients would be nicer to you."
17358,57,3,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17359,57,3,13,Ted: The receptionist. That's my way in.
17360,57,3,13,Barney: I like this. Seduce the receptionist. That's a great plan.
17361,57,3,13,Ted: That's not the plan. And how would that help me with Stella?
17362,57,3,13,Barney: Who?
17363,57,3,13,Ted: Here's the plan.
17364,57,3,13,-SESSION 6-
17365,57,3,13,"(Ted arrives at the center and gives a paper bag to Abby, the receptionist."
17366,57,3,13,"Ted: Hi. Here. I stopped... (He takes the bag back and wait for stella to be able to see him to give it back to Abby) Hi, I stopped for coffee and I... and I thought I'd grab you something."
17367,57,3,13,"Abby: Oh, wow, thank you, that's so nice. You're like a knight. I should call you Sir Ted."
17368,57,3,13,Ted: What?
17369,57,3,13,"Abby: Nothing. Nothing. (laughs nervously) It's really stupid. (She calls Stella, who is standing right behind her) Um, Dr. Zinman, Ted's here."
17370,57,3,13,"Stella: Thanks. Thanks, Abby."
17371,57,3,13,At the Bar
17372,57,3,13,Ted: And now... we wait.
17373,57,3,13,"Ted from 2030: And sure enough, by session seven, she saw me in a whole new light."
17374,57,3,13,-SESSION 7-
17375,57,3,13,"Stella: Okay, I'm about to break my big rule here."
17376,57,3,13,Ted: Break it.
17377,57,3,13,"Stella: Okay. Abby goes bowling with her church group every Wednesday nights...and she really wanted to invite you, but she's too shy."
17378,57,3,13,Ted: Abby is...?
17379,57,3,13,"Stella: My receptionist. You really made quite an impression on her with the coffee the other day. I mean, she has really not stopped talking about you."
17380,57,3,13,"Ted: Oh, Abby. I thought you said ""Alan."""
17381,57,3,13,"Stella: But you just said, ""Abby is...?"""
17382,57,3,13,"Ted: Right. Right, I thought I said ""Alan."""
17383,57,3,13,Stella: Who's Alan?
17384,57,3,13,Ted: Who's Abby?
17385,57,3,13,Stella: My receptionist.
17386,57,3,13,Ted: Exactly.
17387,57,3,13,At the Bar
17388,57,3,13,Ted: What is happening?
17389,57,3,13,"Lily: Ted. You just got to be yourself, no more gimmicks."
17390,57,3,13,"Ted: You're right, no more gimmicks. One more gimmick."
17391,57,3,13,[FLASHBACK]
17392,57,3,13,(Ted is examining Stella's office.)
17393,57,3,13,Ted: You know what's on her shelf? That self-help book 'The Power of Me'.
17394,57,3,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17395,57,3,13,"Ted: I know, I know, but I thought if I read it, maybe we'd have something new to talk about."
17396,57,3,13,Marshall: It's actually a great book. It taught me the power of complete memory.
17397,57,3,13,Ted: Can I borrow your copy?
17398,57,3,13,Marshall: I left it somewhere... I forget.
17399,57,3,13,-SESSION 8-
17400,57,3,13,"(Ted arrives at the center, holding the book)"
17401,57,3,13,Ted: Hi. Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman.
17402,57,3,13,"Abby: Hi, Ted. I'll let her know."
17403,57,3,13,Ted: Telepathically?
17404,57,3,13,"Abby, laughing: That's funny. That's funny, smart, and great."
17405,57,3,13,"Stella: I am so sorry that I am late. I have, like, two minutes for lunch everyday."
17406,57,3,13,"Ted: It's crazy. Yeah, I understand. I was just, uh, checking out the old bookshelf here. I see you've read 'The Power of Me'. It's funny..."
17407,57,3,13,"Stella: What? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, I would never read that piece of crap. Some patient left it here."
17408,57,3,13,"Ted: Oh, thank God. (chuckling) I couldn't agree more. That's total crap. I see people reading that on the subway and I just want to shout, ""Get a life, people!"""
17409,57,3,13,(Abby enters the office)
17410,57,3,13,"Abby: Ted, I found your book."
17411,57,3,13,Ted: What?
17412,57,3,13,Abby: Your book 'The Power of Me'. I think you accidentally dropped it in the garbage.
17413,57,3,13,"Ted: What? No, that's... that's not mine. I've never seen that before in my life."
17414,57,3,13,"Abby: No, you were reading it in the lobby."
17415,57,3,13,"Ted: Wha... no, you have me confused with someone else."
17416,57,3,13,"Abby: No, no, look right here. ""From the personal library of Ted Mosby."" That's you."
17417,57,3,13,At the Bar
17418,57,3,13,"Robin: Ted, I hate to say this, but I think it's ""nail the receptionist"" time."
17419,57,3,13,Ted: I'm not gonna nail the receptionist.
17420,57,3,13,"Barney: Ted, every little boy wants to grow up to nail the doctor or the lawyer. Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist."
17421,57,3,13,Ted: No. I like Stella.
17422,57,3,13,"Barney: Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, Ted. Your little Stella is not so perfect."
17423,57,3,13,Ted: What do you mean?
17424,57,3,13,"Barney: I went down there and checked her out for myself. Yeah. And while I was down there, I discovered that she had a secret, a terrible... terrible secret."
17425,57,3,13,Ted: What? What is it?
17426,57,3,13,"Barney: Hold on, I gotta pee. (He stands up et goes to the toilets) Okay, I'm back. What's going on at work?"
17427,57,3,13,Ted: What's the big secret?!
17428,57,3,13,"Barney: Oh. Oh, right."
17429,57,3,13,[FLASHBACK]
17430,57,3,13,(Barney is at the Bar and gives a phone call)
17431,57,3,13,"Barney: Hi, I'd like to see Dr. Zinman, please."
17432,57,3,13,"Abby: Sure, what's it regarding?"
17433,57,3,13,"Barney: Oh, I just want to see her. Want to look at her, see what she looks like."
17434,57,3,13,Abby: I-I don't understand.
17435,57,3,13,"Barney: I'm sorry, did I accidentally oprima numero dos when I called? Do you speak English? I want to see her!"
17436,57,3,13,"Abby: Sir, please don't yell at me because when people yell at me, I have a tendency to start crying."
17437,57,3,13,Barney: What are your credentials?!
17438,57,3,13,Abby: Please don't do that. Please.
17439,57,3,13,Barney: I want to know who am I speaking with!
17440,57,3,13,
17441,57,3,13,(Stella and Ted are coming out of Stella's office)
17442,57,3,13,"Barney: At first she seemed great, beautiful, smart, way out of your league. But then, I overheard this conversation."
17443,57,3,13,"Stella: Oh, Abby, did my hypnotherapist call yet?"
17444,57,3,13,Abby: No.
17445,57,3,13,Stella: When am I going to kick this folliculaphilia?
17446,57,3,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17447,57,3,13,Ted: Folliculaphilia?
17448,57,3,13,Barney: Folliculaphilia.
17449,57,3,13,Ted: What is that?
17450,57,3,13,"Barney: Ted, your perfect woman can only be attracted to men with moustaches."
17451,57,3,13,Ted: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. That's not real.
17452,57,3,13,"Barney: You're right, Ted. I'm just making that up."
17453,57,3,13,Ted: I know that you are because there's no such thing.
17454,57,3,13,Robin: I got it a little bit.
17455,57,3,13,-SESSION 9-
17456,57,3,13,"(Ted arrives at the center, he is now growing a moustache)"
17457,57,3,13,"Ted: Hi. Uh, Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman."
17458,57,3,13,"Abby: Oh, hi, Ted. Love the 'stache. You look like a young Tom Selleck, only a million times handsomer. Dr. Zinman, Magnum's here to see you. Just kidding. Stupid."
17459,57,3,13,Stella: Sorry I'm late. Typical two-minute lunch. So we are very close to getting...
17460,57,3,13,(Stella burst into laughs when she sees Ted's moustache)
17461,57,3,13,At the Bar
17462,57,3,13,Ted: Why? Just why?
17463,57,3,13,Barney: Y-you don't remember?
17464,57,3,13,[FLASHBACK]
17465,57,3,13,(One year earlier...)
17466,57,3,13,Barney: I'll bet anyone ten bucks I can get Ted to grow a moustache.
17467,57,3,13,Ted: Uh... okay.
17468,57,3,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17469,57,3,13,Ted: You sabotaged my next to last chance with Stella for ten dollars?
17470,57,3,13,"Barney: I know. I would've done it for free. But, no. You owe me ten bucks."
17471,57,3,13,"Ted: This is awful. My-my tenth session is next week. I'm gonna ask her out, and she's gonna say the most demoralizing syllable in the English language... no. You know what? Just forget it. I'm not even gonna ask her."
17472,57,3,13,"Lily: No, you have to. She likes you. She said so herself. (clearing throat) I mean..."
17473,57,3,13,"Ted: Oh, my God, you went and saw her, too."
17474,57,3,13,"Lily: I swear to you, I did not."
17475,57,3,13,[FLASHBACK]
17476,57,3,13,(Marshall is in Stella's office)
17477,57,3,13,Marshall: My wife's always getting on me about my dry elbows. So good to be in a relationship. Anyone special in your life? Or maybe just someone you're interested in? Interes-ted in?
17478,57,3,13,"Stella: You know, we should really get this mole checked out. It's just a little irregular."
17479,57,3,13,"Marshall: Irregular? Oh, my God. This is it. It's all over."
17480,57,3,13,Stella: One of my patients has this little butterfly tattoo at the bottom of his back.
17481,57,3,13,"Marshall: Can you stop talking about your other patients?! I'm dying here, woman!"
17482,57,3,13,"Stella: There you go. Look, even if it is something, it's easily treatable, so try to relax."
17483,57,3,13,"Marshall: Okay. Hey, what was it you were saying before about the guy with the butterfly tattoo?"
17484,57,3,13,"Stella: Oh, that... that's nothing. It's just a little crush. So I will be calling you with your results."
17485,57,3,13,Marshall: Oh. Okay. Thank you.
17486,57,3,13,"Stella: Oh, sir, your book!"
17487,57,3,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17488,57,3,13,Ted: No.
17489,57,3,13,Marshall: Yes.
17490,57,3,13,"Ted: She said ""crush""? And she was talking about me?"
17491,57,3,13,-SESSION 10-
17492,57,3,13,Ted from 2030: That last session was the least painful of all. I savored every searing blast of that laser.
17493,57,3,13,Stella: All done.
17494,57,3,13,Ted from 2030: The moment I'd waited ten weeks for had arrived.
17495,57,3,13,"Ted: Stella...now that I'm no longer your patient, would you like to have dinner with me?"
17496,57,3,13,"Stella: Ted, you're a really nice guy..."
17497,57,3,13,"Ted: Oh, no."
17498,57,3,13,Stella: It has been so great getting to know you.
17499,57,3,13,Ted: I am gonna kill Marshall.
17500,57,3,13,Stella: I've had so much fun these last ten weeks.
17501,57,3,13,"Ted: Oh, my God, this is worse than the laser."
17502,57,3,13,Stella: I have a daughter.
17503,57,3,13,Ted: What?
17504,57,3,13,"Stella: Her name's Lucy. She's eight. Work and being with her, that's pretty much my life. My social calendar is movie night with the girls once a month when I can get a sitter. I mean, I've been to one party in the past year... St. Paddy's Day... it was awful, I left early. But, really, my only free time is the two minutes I get for lunch, so... this is why I don't date. Ted, I only have time for one most important person in my life, and that's Lucy. Anyway, it's been fun. Next time, think before you ink. But if you ever do wake up with, like, a dolphin tattoo on your ankle, just give me a call."
17505,57,3,13,At the Bar
17506,57,3,13,Ted: There it is... she's a mom. It's just not gonna happen.
17507,57,3,13,"Marshall: Sorry, dude. Have a shrimp."
17508,57,3,13,Ted: I'm good. I guess I got no one but myself to blame. She told me right from the start she was gonna say no and sure enough... Wait a minute.
17509,57,3,13,At the tattoo removal center
17510,57,3,13,(Ted is waiting for Stella)
17511,57,3,13,Ted: You didn't actually say no.
17512,57,3,13,Stella: What do you mean?
17513,57,3,13,"Ted: All this time you were, uh, you were supposed to say no, but you didn't... I checked the transcript. So, here's what I'm proposing. Uh... You only have two minutes, right?"
17514,57,3,13,Stella: Right.
17515,57,3,13,"Ted: Okay. You want to, uh... go on a a two-minute date with me?"
17516,57,3,13,Stella: Last two-minute date I had gave me a daughter. Um... Okay.
17517,57,3,13,Ted: Great. And... go. Taxi!
17518,57,3,13,Ranjit: Hello!
17519,57,3,13,"Stella: Ted, I seriously only have two minutes..."
17520,57,3,13,Ted: I know.
17521,57,3,13,Stella: That's like 120 seconds.
17522,57,3,13,"Ted: 380 West 22nd, please. And step on it. We're in a hurry."
17523,57,3,13,Stella: 380 West 22nd? That's...
17524,57,3,13,(They step off the taxi)
17525,57,3,13,Ted: Right this way.
17526,57,3,13,"Stella, laughing: Thank you, sir. You know, I have always wanted to try this place."
17527,57,3,13,Waitress: House salad.
17528,57,3,13,"Ted: So, college?"
17529,57,3,13,Stella: Stanford.
17530,57,3,13,Ted: Uh-huh. Wesleyan.
17531,57,3,13,"Stella: Oh, good. Do you know Adam Lazar?"
17532,57,3,13,Ted: No. Scott Crable?
17533,57,3,13,Waitress: Eggplant parmesean.
17534,57,3,13,Ted: Thanks.
17535,57,3,13,"Stella: Oh, already cut up. Nice."
17536,57,3,13,Ted: Could we get the check please. We're trying to make a movie in 15 seconds.
17537,57,3,13,Waitress: Of course.
17538,57,3,13,"Ted: Okay, great. Uh, how do you want to do this? You had the eggplant parm. I only really had water so... I'm kidding. Oh. Okay. Let's go. Taxi! You nervous?"
17539,57,3,13,Stella: A little bit.
17540,57,3,13,Ted: You can't tell at all.
17541,57,3,13,"Stella: Oh, good. Yeah."
17542,57,3,13,Ranjit: Hello!
17543,57,3,13,Ted: 384 West 22nd.
17544,57,3,13,Stella: 15 seconds. The movie's started.
17545,57,3,13,"Ted: Nah, previews. We'll be fine. Ah! Just in time. It hasn't started yet."
17546,57,3,13,"Stella: So, what are we seeing?"
17547,57,3,13,Ted: Manos: Hands of Fate.
17548,57,3,13,Stella: The whole thing?
17549,57,3,13,Ted: Only the important parts. Worst movie ever.
17550,57,3,13,"Stella: Yeah, I almost walked out, like, five times."
17551,57,3,13,Ted: How we doing on time? Taxi!
17552,57,3,13,Stella: We got a little time.
17553,57,3,13,Ted: Okay. Do you want to walk it?
17554,57,3,13,Stella: Why not?
17555,57,3,13,Ranjit: Hello! Good-bye!
17556,57,3,13,Ted: So what grade's your daughter in?
17557,57,3,13,Stella: Third grade.
17558,57,3,13,Ted: Ah! That's a good year.
17559,57,3,13,"Stella: Yeah, she's wonderful. I just wish that I could get her to quit smoking, you know?"
17560,57,3,13,Ted: What?
17561,57,3,13,Stella: I'm kidding.
17562,57,3,13,"Ted: Oh. Look, coffee and dessert?"
17563,57,3,13,"Stella: You know, this neighborhood just keeps on changing. This used to be a cute, little Italian restaurant."
17564,57,3,13,"Ted: I know. New York. It's a living organism, an ever-changing tapestry. Ooh, look at the time. Let's go."
17565,57,3,13,"Stella: Mmm, the cheesecake's amazing."
17566,57,3,13,Ted: Flowers?
17567,57,3,13,Stella: I'm allergic.
17568,57,3,13,"Ted: Okay. See? We're getting to know each other. Stella, I had a lovely... Doggy bag? Stella, I had a lovely time."
17569,57,3,13,"Stella: Me, too, Ted."
17570,57,3,13,Ted: And... date.
17571,57,3,13,Stella: Huh?
17572,57,3,13,"Ted: That wasn't so bad, right? No lengthy, awkward silences. Dessert ran a little long, so... I had to cut the good-night kiss."
17573,57,3,13,Stella: I think I can be late just once. (They kiss) Ted...
17574,57,3,13,"Ted: Look, I would love to have a second date, I would. But I understand that you really don't have time right now, but if you ever do, will you give me a call?"
17575,57,3,13,Stella: Yes.
17576,57,3,13,Ted: Okay.
17577,57,3,13,"Ted from 2030: And that, kids, is how you turn a ""no"" into a ""yes."""
17578,57,3,13,"Abby: All my friends told me, ""Abby, be strong. He doesn't deserve another chance."" But I forgive you! (She runs after Ted)"
17579,57,3,13,"Ted: No, no, no, no!"
17580,57,3,13,At the center
17581,57,3,13,Abby:...then he just kept toying with my emotions.
17582,57,3,13,Barney: Wow. This Ted guy sounds like a real jerk. You know your problem? You're too sweet.
17583,57,3,13,Abby: Aren't you going to see the doctor about that mole?
17584,57,3,13,"Barney: Oh, yeah. Turns out it's just a Raisinet. Hey, how would you like me to take you out to a fancy restaurant and then go on a shopping spree? Treat you the way you should be treated. Would that make you forget about that Ted monster?"
17585,57,3,13,Abby: My mom was wrong. There are nice guys in New York.
17586,57,3,13,Barney: We just have to go by my hotel room first. My bed was broken. I just have to make sure they fixed it.
17587,57,3,13,"Abby: Well, then if it's fixed, can we can have s*x on it and then go shopping."
17588,57,3,13,Barney: I like you.
17589,58,3,14,"Ted from 2030: Kids,back when we were younger, your Uncle Marshall and I were really into college basketball. Every year,March Madness would take over the entire apartment."
17590,58,3,14,At Ted's apartment
17591,58,3,14,(Lily and Robin arrive)
17592,58,3,14,Robin: Hey.What's with the blackboard?
17593,58,3,14,Ted: It's our NCAA bracket.
17594,58,3,14,Marshall: Big board equals big luck!
17595,58,3,14,"Lily: Hey, that looks familiar, where did you get it?"
17596,58,3,14,[FLASHBACK]
17597,58,3,14,Marshall comes into Lily's classroom with flowers. There's no one inside except for the cleaner.
17598,58,3,14,"Marshall: Hello. Uh, I'm looking for my wife, Ms.Aldrin."
17599,58,3,14,Cleaner: There's no school today. It's Saturday.
17600,58,3,14,Marshall: Of course. How could I forget?
17601,58,3,14,Cleaner: Dumb ass.
17602,58,3,14,(The cleaner leaves the classroom. Ted comes in. He and Marshall take the blackboard out.)
17603,58,3,14,Ted: Big board!
17604,58,3,14,Marshall: Big luck!
17605,58,3,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17606,58,3,14,"Marshall: We found it. No big deal. Anyway, every year, Ted and I go in together on this big money pool out in Staten Island."
17607,58,3,14,"Ted: Yeah. The winner gets $100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag."
17608,58,3,14,Marshall: And you get to keep the duffel bag.
17609,58,3,14,Lily: Why do you guys put yourselves through this? You lose every year.
17610,58,3,14,"Ted: That's because in the past, we were just guessing. This year, we watched every game, read box scores, tracked injuries. This isn't March Madness. This is March Meticulously Thought-outness."
17611,58,3,14,Barney: Your team lost 20 minutes ago.
17612,58,3,14,Ted: I didn't know they were playing today.
17613,58,3,14,"Lily: You okay, Barney?"
17614,58,3,14,Barney: Something strange is going on. I was down at the hardware store trying to get a little somethin' somethin'.
17615,58,3,14,Robin: Wait. You go to the hardware store to pick up girls?
17616,58,3,14,Barney: There are four kinds of women who go to the hardware store by themselves.
17617,58,3,14,Robin: Of course there are.
17618,58,3,14,"Barney: Single, recently single, recently divorced, lesbian who will let me watch."
17619,58,3,14,Lily: You could not be more evil.
17620,58,3,14,"Barney: Sorry. Five. Recently widowed. So, I'm talking to this girl..."
17621,58,3,14,[FLASHBACK]
17622,58,3,14,"(Barney is at the hardware store, et is talking to a crying woman.)"
17623,58,3,14,"Barney: Look, I'm sure he's in a better place. Now let's find you a sturdier ladder."
17624,58,3,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17625,58,3,14,Barney: I was only gone for a second when...
17626,58,3,14,[FLASHBACK]
17627,58,3,14,(Barney comes back with a sturdier ladder)
17628,58,3,14,Barney: See? Skid-proof.
17629,58,3,14,(The woman slaps him)
17630,58,3,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17631,58,3,14,Barney: The same thing happened at the pet store yesterday.
17632,58,3,14,Marshall: Pet store?
17633,58,3,14,"Ted: Single girl, mid-twenties, looking for a canine replacement for the boyfriend who just dumped her. Instead, finds Barney."
17634,58,3,14,"Barney: God bless you, Ted. You're reading my blog."
17635,58,3,14,Ted: I'm really bored at work.
17636,58,3,14,[FLASHBACK]
17637,58,3,14,"Barney: I'd call your ex a dog, but that would be an insult to little Ladybug here."
17638,58,3,14,"Woman: Oh, I want to take her home right now."
17639,58,3,14,"Barney: Not without a chew toy from Uncle Barney first. And when I got back... I'm sorry,I'm already spoiling her but diamond in the rough... Could your heart just melt?"
17640,58,3,14,"Woman, slapping him: Jerk!"
17641,58,3,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17642,58,3,14,"Barney: Weird, right? Yeah. The same thing happened last week at the museum."
17643,58,3,14,"Lily: Ooh, ooh, ooh!"
17644,58,3,14,Barney: Lily.
17645,58,3,14,Lily: You pretend to be a struggling young artist who needs a new muse.
17646,58,3,14,Barney: No. Marshall.
17647,58,3,14,Marshall: You're a millionaire art thief casing the joint for a thrill money can no longer give you!
17648,58,3,14,Barney: Oh. No. Robin.
17649,58,3,14,"Robin: You're going blind, and you're trying to soak up all the beauty in the world before the darkness descends."
17650,58,3,14,"Barney: Bingo! So, I was talking to this girl..."
17651,58,3,14,[FLASHBACK]
17652,58,3,14,"Barney: At this point, about 83%. Soon, these audio guides will be all that I have left."
17653,58,3,14,Woman: I'm so sorry.
17654,58,3,14,(Barney touches her face)
17655,58,3,14,"Barney: My God, you are beautiful. How about I get you a headset so you can see with your ears like I do? I couldn't have been gone more than 20 seconds, but when I came back... Hmm.You know, I also love the smell of great art."
17656,58,3,14,(The woman slaps him and leaves)
17657,58,3,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17658,58,3,14,Barney: Why does this keep happening?
17659,58,3,14,Lily: Maybe you're not as good a liar as you think you are.
17660,58,3,14,"Barney: Oh, really? Then why am I not in prison for perjury? But I don't want to talk about work. Something weird is going on here."
17661,58,3,14,Ted from 2030: But the next night got even weirder.
17662,58,3,14,At the Bar
17663,58,3,14,Barney: Alan Alda. It was Alan Alda.
17664,58,3,14,Lily: You never gonna believe what just happened.
17665,58,3,14,[FLASHBACK]
17666,58,3,14,(2 minutes earlier...)
17667,58,3,14,"Barney: Who was that, um, guy from Mash? The main guy. What...? Hawkeye from Mash. How can I be blanking on this?"
17668,58,3,14,Lily: Alan Alda?
17669,58,3,14,Barney: No.
17670,58,3,14,(Barney stands up and goes away; a woman approaches Lily.)
17671,58,3,14,"Mystery woman: Hey, a word of advice? That guy you were talking to, Barney Stinson... I know he seems charming, but he's just saying whatever it takes to get in your pants. Sleeping with Barney was the biggest mistake of my life."
17672,58,3,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17673,58,3,14,"Barney: Oh, my God. Where is she?"
17674,58,3,14,Lily: She must have left. She...
17675,58,3,14,"Barney: Well, she-she said I hooked up with her? What was her name? What did she look like?"
17676,58,3,14,"Lily: She didn't say her name, but she had blonde hair, boobs. Kind of trashy."
17677,58,3,14,Barney: Dead in the eyes with an aura of self-loathing and despair?
17678,58,3,14,Lily: Yes!
17679,58,3,14,"Barney: That's all of them. Okay. Stay calm. Let's think this through. One of the girls who I lied to, seduced and abandoned is trying to ruin my life. Shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one it is. Oh, dear God!"
17680,58,3,14,[OPENING CREDITS]
17681,58,3,14,"Barney: Some woman that I slept with and screwed over is trying to ruin my life. God, why is this happening to me?"
17682,58,3,14,Lily: It's karma.
17683,58,3,14,"Barney: Nah, it's not Karma. She's stripping in Vegas. Plus, we're good."
17684,58,3,14,"Ted: Look, if you want to figure out who it is, why don't you just start by checking your list?"
17685,58,3,14,"Barney: My list? Dude, do not pretend you're not the kind of guy who keeps a list of all the girls he's slept with."
17686,58,3,14,Marshall: I have one. It's called my marriage license.
17687,58,3,14,"Ted: Come on, let's see the list."
17688,58,3,14,"Barney: Ted, don't be crass. I would never demean the women that I've slept with by putting their names on some tawdry list."
17689,58,3,14,At Barney's
17690,58,3,14,"Barney: This is a scrapbook of all of the women I've slept with. I made it at the Scrapbook Barn on 7th. Ask for Heloise. Tell her I sent you. What do you think, Lil? You recognize the saboteur?"
17691,58,3,14,"Lily: I don't know, Barney. I only saw her face."
17692,58,3,14,Ted: How many of these girls know they're being photographed?
17693,58,3,14,"Barney: All of them, but only about half buy a copy on the way out."
17694,58,3,14,"Lily: Oh, Barney, you're never gonna figure out which one of these is the mystery woman. All of these women have a right to hate you."
17695,58,3,14,"Robin: Oh, Lily, come on, lighten up. I mean, any girl who's gonna be with a guy like Barney and do this or that, or this and that, or do this with those in that... I mean, she should have known what she was getting into."
17696,58,3,14,Barney: Absolutely. And what I do with these women should be between me and them. And you guys. And Heloise. She helped me do the decoupage.
17697,58,3,14,"Lily: I don't know, Barney. I don't recognize any of these women. I mean, some minor celebrities, one government official, and what appears to be a national fast food chain mascot."
17698,58,3,14,Barney: This is impossible. There's too many girls. How the hell am I gonna narrow this down?
17699,58,3,14,At Ted's
17700,58,3,14,"Barney: The top 64 women I've slept with, split into four regions. This tournament will systematically narrow down which girl has the most cause to hate my guts. Last girl standing has to be the saboteur."
17701,58,3,14,"Lily: Absolutely not, Barney. We are not going to make a game out of the women you've tricked into sleeping with you. No way!"
17702,58,3,14,"(Barney takes out the beer, and the tournament begins)"
17703,58,3,14,Lily: The girl who thought he had 12 hours to live has way more cause to ruin his life than the girl he faked proposed to.
17704,58,3,14,"Robin: It's fake proposal girl. I mean, she hired a wedding planner!"
17705,58,3,14,Ted: It's 12 hours to live! That girl flew them both to Paris!
17706,58,3,14,"Robin: Oh, she only bought him a one-way ticket!"
17707,58,3,14,"Barney: Okay, okay, everybody! Hands."
17708,58,3,14,"Marshal, Lily and Ted: 12 hours to live!"
17709,58,3,14,Robin: Damn it!
17710,58,3,14,"Barney: Okay, toss up. ""Thought I was Jorge Posada,"" or ""You have my dead wife's kidney?"""
17711,58,3,14,Ted: Kidney!
17712,58,3,14,Robin: Jorge Posada!
17713,58,3,14,Lily: She bought Yankees season tickets to watch him play!
17714,58,3,14,Barney: That's true...
17715,58,3,14,"Marshall: It's ""Dead wife's kidney."" How are we even discussing this?"
17716,58,3,14,Lily: Fake baby!
17717,58,3,14,Marshall: Lost at sea!
17718,58,3,14,Ted: Fake baby!
17719,58,3,14,Marshall: Lost at sea!
17720,58,3,14,Ted: I was there. Trust me. It's fake baby.
17721,58,3,14,"Barney: Down to the sweet 16. And coming out of the Upper West Side, we have the number three seed, ""Girl who thought I owned Google,"" up against the number seven seed, ""Girl who thought I was a scuba instructor."""
17722,58,3,14,Ted: You got to go scuba instructor.
17723,58,3,14,Robin: You're kidding me!
17724,58,3,14,Ted: She got the bends!
17725,58,3,14,"Barney: Yeah, she did."
17726,58,3,14,Marshall: Evil twin!
17727,58,3,14,Ted: Prince of Norway! How could it not be Prince of Norway?!
17728,58,3,14,"Robin: Barney, you're the tiebreaker."
17729,58,3,14,Barney: I'm going with Evil Twin.
17730,58,3,14,Ted: You're kidding me!
17731,58,3,14,"Barney: Sorry, but I did sleep with that girl twice. As Barney and Larney. Okay, we're down to the Final Four. What do you think, people? Come on, dig deep."
17732,58,3,14,Robin: Oh! I can't decide. It could be any one of them.
17733,58,3,14,Lily: Is that the blackboard from my classroom?
17734,58,3,14,Barney: Come on! Marshall?
17735,58,3,14,Marshall: I'm tired and sad.
17736,58,3,14,Barney: Mosby?
17737,58,3,14,"Ted: I want to call my mom, just tell her I love her."
17738,58,3,14,"Barney: Okay. Then this is as far as we get. The Final Four. It's got to be Meg, Anna, Kate or Holly. We are gonna track these girls down, and you're going to tell me which one approached you at the bar."
17739,58,3,14,Lily: You guys stole my blackboard!
17740,58,3,14,
17741,58,3,14,In the street
17742,58,3,14,"Barney: Okay, there's her building. When she comes out, I'm gonna hide, and once you figure out if she's the girl from the bar, we run like hell."
17743,58,3,14,Lily: No.
17744,58,3,14,"Barney: What do you mean ""no""?"
17745,58,3,14,"Lily: That woman, like every woman in your Final Four, deserves an apology, and I'm not telling you if she's the one until hear you say, ""I'm sorry."""
17746,58,3,14,"Barney: Are you nuts? That would involve me speaking to a woman I've already had s*x with, which, frankly, is a little t like changing the oil in a rental car."
17747,58,3,14,"Lily: Barney, you're doing this."
17748,58,3,14,"Barney: Lily, this girl hates me. I hooked up with her in an apartment I was pretending was my own, told her I loved her, and then ditched her there. She got arrested for trespassing, bit a cop, and spent eight days in jail. Oh, crap, there she is! If she sees me, she's gonna kill me!"
17749,58,3,14,"Lily: Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Hey, Meg! Over here! Look who it is! Yo old friend Meg: Barney! Barney?"
17750,58,3,14,"Barney: If she kills me, I want you to go into my apartment, grab the metal briefcase under my bed and throw it in the East River."
17751,58,3,14,Meg: What are you doing here?
17752,58,3,14,"Barney: Look, Meg, we need to talk."
17753,58,3,14,"Meg: It was all my fault. I know it was, baby. I just came on too strong."
17754,58,3,14,Barney: And I forgive you. I love you.
17755,58,3,14,"Meg: Oh, my God! I love you, too!"
17756,58,3,14,(They kiss)
17757,58,3,14,"Lily: No! What's the matter with you? Get off of him! Look, she's not the one, but you still owe her an apol..."
17758,58,3,14,(Barney leaves without a word)
17759,58,3,14,Inside a restaurant
17760,58,3,14,"Barney: So you remember who this one is, right?"
17761,58,3,14,Lily: Yes. You told her you were Ted and that you were an architect.
17762,58,3,14,"Barney: Right, and if you recall, her computer had a web cam and a T-1 line, so I..."
17763,58,3,14,"Lily: Yeah, I know, Barney, you showed me. And that still doesn't count as a Christmas present. So go over there and apologize."
17764,58,3,14,"Barney: Ah, there she is."
17765,58,3,14,Lily: Ooh and she's holding hot coffee. Maybe she'll throw it in your face.
17766,58,3,14,"Barney: You're really enjoying this, aren't you?"
17767,58,3,14,Lily: I'm making a scrapbook.
17768,58,3,14,"(She takes a picture of him, as he is approaching Anna)"
17769,58,3,14,"Barney: Anna, hi."
17770,58,3,14,"Anna: Look who it is, Mr. Big Shot Architect. If you're here to ask me to take down the Web site, forget it."
17771,58,3,14,Barney: What Web site?
17772,58,3,14,Anna: Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
17773,58,3,14,"Barney: You're right, I do deserve that. That's all I came here to say. You know what? I don't care who knows about it. Excuse me. Excuse me. I, Ted Mosby, am a jerk to women. Tell your sisters. Tell your daughters to stay away! Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com."
17774,58,3,14,"Ted from 2030: And that little Web site went on to get 400,000 hits. Thanks, Barney!"
17775,58,3,14,Lily and Barney are now knocking on Kate's door
17776,58,3,14,"Lily: Okay, which one is this again?"
17777,58,3,14,Barney: She's...
17778,58,3,14,(Kate opens the door and throws herself onto Barney to strangle him)
17779,58,3,14,Kate: Larney! Die!
17780,58,3,14,Barney: Is it her?
17781,58,3,14,Kate: Die!
17782,58,3,14,Lily: Smile.
17783,58,3,14,Barney: You look good. Have you lost weight?
17784,58,3,14,They finally arrives at Holly's
17785,58,3,14,"Barney: We're down to the number one seed. I knew it was Holly. It had to be Holly. Man, I was hoping it wasn't Holly."
17786,58,3,14,[FLASHBACK]
17787,58,3,14,"Holly: Barney, did you hear that? Somebody's stealing my truck. Barney? Barney!"
17788,58,3,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17789,58,3,14,Lily: That is the worst thing you've ever done. That's the worst thing anyone has ever done.
17790,58,3,14,"Barney: But in my defense, she was kind of annoying."
17791,58,3,14,Lily: She's gonna kill you.
17792,58,3,14,(Holly opens the door)
17793,58,3,14,Holly: Barney.
17794,58,3,14,Barney: Holly.
17795,58,3,14,"Holly: Mark, come over here. Barney, this is my fiancé. Mark."
17796,58,3,14,Mark: Barney? You're the Barney who ditched her in the woods?
17797,58,3,14,Lily: So you're not mad at Barney? Don't you want an apology? An admission of guilt? Your truck back?
17798,58,3,14,"Holly: No, whatever happened was in the past. Mark is my present and my future."
17799,58,3,14,"Mark: And if you ditching Holly in the woods made her stop running around with guys like you, then cheers."
17800,58,3,14,"Barney: Well then, to the last Fourth of July weekend I'll spend getting eaten alive by mosquitoes."
17801,58,3,14,Mark: Fourth of July? We started dating in June.
17802,58,3,14,Back at the apartment
17803,58,3,14,Lily: We ruined their lives. And the worst part of it is that you didn't apologize to any of those women.
17804,58,3,14,"Barney: No, the worst part is that we still have no idea who my stalker is."
17805,58,3,14,"Robin: Well, that's because you're going about this all wrong. I mean, why chase someone who's following you? All you need to do is go down to the bar, hit on someone, and wait until she turns up."
17806,58,3,14,Barney: That's not a bad idea.
17807,58,3,14,Robin: I'll pretend to be the girl that you're hitting on.
17808,58,3,14,Ted: I don't know. That's a lot riding on a girl who giggles when she lies.
17809,58,3,14,Robin: I do not.
17810,58,3,14,Ted: Have you ever fallen asleep while eating ribs?
17811,58,3,14,"Robin: No. Look, I can do this, okay? I mean, how else are you going to find out who this girl is."
17812,58,3,14,Barney: I'm in.
17813,58,3,14,"Robin: Okay, here's how it's gonna work. Now, Lily..."
17814,58,3,14,(Robin starts imagining how it will go)
17815,58,3,14,"Robin:...she knows what you look like, so just hang out at the jukebox, and don't draw any attention to yourself. And the guys will be in the booth, just pretending to have a normal conversation."
17816,58,3,14,"Barney: Talking, we should be talking. Words. Here are words. Why is this so hard? Laughter!"
17817,58,3,14,"Robin: And then I'll come in, looking hot as all hell."
17818,58,3,14,"Man: Wow, you are gorgeous. Oh, God, I know that's awful."
17819,58,3,14,"Robin: I just, uh.... Shh, go away. But come back later. And then Barney will make his move."
17820,58,3,14,"Barney: Hey, there, how are you doing?"
17821,58,3,14,"Robin: Fine, Barney. I mean, um, fine, stranger."
17822,58,3,14,"Barney: Wow, you really are awful at this, aren't you?"
17823,58,3,14,"Robin: Get your hand off my thigh, Barney."
17824,58,3,14,"Barney: It's supposed to look like we're about to hook up, Robin."
17825,58,3,14,Robin: You know I'm curious. What do you say to these girls to get them to come home with you?
17826,58,3,14,"Barney: Usually I just lean in and whisper this one thing in their ear. You're a little turned on right now, aren't you?"
17827,58,3,14,"Robin: No. Oh. Look, somebody's watching us. Make your move to the bathroom."
17828,58,3,14,"Barney: Uh, I'm going to go to the bathroom now, but, uh, when I come back we'll go to my place and have s*x."
17829,58,3,14,(Barney goes to the bathroom)
17830,58,3,14,"Ted: Dude, dude, dude, look. Blonde girl heading over to Robin right now. We are go."
17831,58,3,14,Marshall: I don't know what to do with my hands. What do I normally do with my hands? (Barney joins them at the booth) Barney. I brought a copy of the bracket. Which one is she?
17832,58,3,14,Barney: I don't recognize her. She's not on the Top 64.
17833,58,3,14,Marshall: Not even on bracket. Cinderella story comes out of nowhere to win the whole thing. That'll warm your heart.
17834,58,3,14,Ted: Are you okay?
17835,58,3,14,"Barney: I don't even recognize her. I don't remember you. I've spent the last two days trying to remember every girl that I've slept with and all the horrible things that I have done to them. And I have done some horrible things. I mean, at one point, I'm pretty sure I sold a woman. I didn't speak the language, but I shook a guy's hand, he gave me the keys to a Mercedes, and I left her there. I'm the guy who keeps a scrapbook of all of the women I have slept with, but I never thought I was the guy who would sleep with a girl and not even remember her. So from the bottom of my heart, for whatever I did to you, I apologize."
17836,58,3,14,"Lily: Oh, Barney! Oh, I'm so proud of you. That's not her. I'm so sorry."
17837,58,3,14,Barney: What? What?
17838,58,3,14,"Robin: Barney, I'm sorry, that's my friend Sally from work. We just ran into each other."
17839,58,3,14,Barney: So I apologized for nothing?
17840,58,3,14,"Lily: Yes, but it was a great apology. And a perfect way to end my scrapbook. I'm going to call this photo ""Barney's Redemption."" Could you stop giving me the finger?"
17841,58,3,14,"Ted from 2030: Eventually, Barney did figure out who the mysterious girl was. But we on that later."
17842,58,3,14,At Barney's
17843,58,3,14,(Barney is writing on his blog)
17844,58,3,14,"Woman: Barney, come back to bed. You have a shuttle launch tomorrow. And that asteroid that's headed for Manhattan, It's not gonna destroy itself."
17845,59,3,15,"Ted from 2030: Kids,the spring of 2008 was a pretty great time for me. Stella and I had started dating, and I'd just gotten a big raise at work. So I decided to purchase something I knew would be the envy of all my friends."
17846,59,3,15,Outside
17847,59,3,15,Ted: A new car!
17848,59,3,15,"Barney: Ted, this is new york city... You're never gonna drive it. This is a really, really stupid purchase, and I'm sorry, but none of us can support it. Shotgun for eternity!"
17849,59,3,15,Robin: You can't call shotgun for eternity.
17850,59,3,15,Barney: I just called it.
17851,59,3,15,"Robin: You can't just call things, barney."
17852,59,3,15,Barney: I call that I can call things!
17853,59,3,15,"Lily: Hey, baby."
17854,59,3,15,Marshall: Beer.
17855,59,3,15,Lily: Are you okay?
17856,59,3,15,Marshall: Beer.
17857,59,3,15,At the Bar
17858,59,3,15,"Ted: Okay, what happened?"
17859,59,3,15,Marshall: They always told me that working at a big law firm was like being at war...
17860,59,3,15,[FLASHBACK]
17861,59,3,15,"Marshall is at work, at Nicholson, Hewitt and West"
17862,59,3,15,"Marshall:...You get out of law school, it's like getting out of boot camp. That first day at work, you're storming the beaches, full of piss and vinegar..."
17863,59,3,15,"Man: Dude, we're lawyers now."
17864,59,3,15,Marshall: Totally.
17865,59,3,15,Man: We've got briefcases and everything.
17866,59,3,15,Marshall: Freakin' briefcases.
17867,59,3,15,Man: You have anything in yours?
17868,59,3,15,Marshall: Totally empty. you?
17869,59,3,15,Man: Candy bars.
17870,59,3,15,Marshall: Then you get in the trenches side by side with your buddies. And you feel a sense of camaraderie. But before too long...
17871,59,3,15,A man enters his office.
17872,59,3,15,"Arthur: Hey, Marshall...."
17873,59,3,15,"Marshall:...the shells start to fall. Hello, Arthur."
17874,59,3,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17875,59,3,15,"Marshall: Arthur Hobbes is one of the senior partners at my firm, and he's... he's my boss. He seems like a nice guy, but he's got a nickname... Artillery arthur."
17876,59,3,15,[FLASHBACK]
17877,59,3,15,Arthur: How's your morning going?
17878,59,3,15,Marshall: It's going fine. How is yours?
17879,59,3,15,"Arthur: Not too bad, not too bad. Hey, is Ferguson in yet?"
17880,59,3,15,"Marshall: He is, he's in... just in his office next door."
17881,59,3,15,"Arthur: That's great... have a good one, buddy."
17882,59,3,15,"Marshall: You, too. (Arthur leaves Marshall's office) You never know who's gonna get hit..."
17883,59,3,15,"(Marshall hears Arthur screaming in the next office, Ferguson's.)"
17884,59,3,15,"Arthur: Hey, Ferguson! I read your report, and it's complete crap! No, you know what? That's an insult to crap. If crap could eat and then crap stuff out, it's that! Your report is the crap that crap craps! If you last two more days here, I'll be shocked! Shocked!"
17885,59,3,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17886,59,3,15,"Marshall: It was brutal, But the worst was a few minutes later."
17887,59,3,15,[FLASHBACK]
17888,59,3,15,(Ferguson is at the door of Marshall's office)
17889,59,3,15,Ferguson: Did you hear that?
17890,59,3,15,"Marshall: Yeah, sorry."
17891,59,3,15,"Ferguson: Can you believe he did that On ""Take-your-daughter-to-work"" day?"
17892,59,3,15,(A little girls comes out of his father's shadow)
17893,59,3,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17894,59,3,15,"Marshall: So that brings us to today. A little background. So I'm working on this report called ""Using 23-b-3 spurious class action precedent to contest a class certification order based on a lack of commonality, numerosity..."""
17895,59,3,15,"Ted: Dude, you lost us. Can't you just call it something cool like ""the ninja report""?"
17896,59,3,15,"Marshall: Okay. yeah, fine, whatever. Um, so I'm supposed to turn in ""the ninja report"" yesterday. But I got insanely busy with other stuff, I didn't get a chance to finish it, and then this morning..."
17897,59,3,15,[FLASHBACK]
17898,59,3,15,"(Marshall is in his office, on the phone. Marshall hears Arthur talking to Ferguson nearby)"
17899,59,3,15,"Arthur: Hey, Ferguson."
17900,59,3,15,"Ferguson: Hey, Arthur."
17901,59,3,15,Arthur: How's your day going?
17902,59,3,15,Marshall: I gotta go.
17903,59,3,15,Ferguson: Great. how is yours?
17904,59,3,15,"Arthur: Great, great... Hey, is Marshall in yet?"
17905,59,3,15,"Ferguson: Oh, thank god. Yeah, he's right in there."
17906,59,3,15,"Arthur: Fantastic. have a good one, buddy."
17907,59,3,15,(Arthur comes in Marshall's office without annoucing himself)
17908,59,3,15,Marshall: And then...
17909,59,3,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17910,59,3,15,Marshall: He screamed at me.
17911,59,3,15,"Lily: Oh, baby, I'm so sorry."
17912,59,3,15,"Barney: What, that's it? You're upset because a guy talked loudly near you?"
17913,59,3,15,"Marshall: Barney, I have never been screamed at like that in my life."
17914,59,3,15,"Ted: Come on, when's the last time you got screamed at at work?"
17915,59,3,15,"Barney: I got screamed at three times today. Once in Korean. This is corporate America, Marshall. Screaming is a motivational tool, like christmas bonuses or sexual harassment. It's just good business."
17916,59,3,15,"Lily: Oh, baby, it's just not fair. You've been working so hard. Late nights, weekends. I never see you. We've barely made love in weeks. It's bad, guys, mama needs her sugar."
17917,59,3,15,"Robin: Look, Marshall, he screamed at you, you took it. He probably respects you more for it."
17918,59,3,15,"Marshall: Yeah, about that... So Arthur's busy giving me the full screaming treatment... Face turning red, vein in his forehead about to burst, spittle flying like shrapnel. Everyone you work with walking by your office, peering in. And suddenly, I just felt all of it."
17919,59,3,15,Ted: All of what?
17920,59,3,15,"Marshall: All of it. The fact that I became a lawyer to save the environment, and now I'm working for the bad guys instead. The fact that I am stuck in this job because of a mortgage I can barely afford on an apartment that is crooked. The fact that I am a grown man, and nobody, not even Artillery Arthur, has the right to talk to me like that!"
17921,59,3,15,[FLASHBACK]
17922,59,3,15,(Arthur is still screaming at Marshall)
17923,59,3,15,Marshall: I begged my body not to do it. But it was no use. I just... I just...
17924,59,3,15,(Marshall starts crying)
17925,59,3,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17926,59,3,15,"Barney: Just because you weren't around for this, I called shotgun for all eternity in Ted's car."
17927,59,3,15,[OPENING CREDITS]
17928,59,3,15,Barney: Dude I can't believe you cried in front of your boss.
17929,59,3,15,"Marshall: I don't know what happened. There's just something about being yelled at like that, like I was being scolded by my dad. Suddenly... suddenly I was a little boy."
17930,59,3,15,"Robin: Is ""boy"" the right word?"
17931,59,3,15,"Marshall: I felt absolutely powerless. Flaccid... Hell, I... I felt castrated."
17932,59,3,15,"Lily: God, you're hot right now."
17933,59,3,15,"Marshall: And the worst thing is, tomorrow morning I have to walk into Arthur's office and give him the ninja report."
17934,59,3,15,Barney: Ooh. ooh. ninjas are cool.
17935,59,3,15,Marshall: How the hell am I supposed to face this guy again?
17936,59,3,15,Robin: Here's what I would do if I were you.
17937,59,3,15,[ROBIN'S SCENARIO]
17938,59,3,15,"Robin: Hi, Arthur."
17939,59,3,15,"Arthur: Hello, Marshall. Have you finally finished the ninja report?"
17940,59,3,15,"Robin: Yeah, I got it. Right here. I think it's gonna blow you away."
17941,59,3,15,"Arthur: Please, I have a family."
17942,59,3,15,Robin: So we good?
17943,59,3,15,Arthur: We're so good.
17944,59,3,15,Robin: Then why are you still in my office?
17945,59,3,15,[END OF ROBIN'S SCENARIO]
17946,59,3,15,"Ted: Okay, gun violence might be the answer to everything up in Canada, Robin, but here in America, we solve our problems with words. Marshall, you go in and you dazzle this guy with a big eloquent speech defending human dignity. Like abraham Lincoln."
17947,59,3,15,"Marshall: Yeah, because it's so easy just to bust out a big, eloquent speech off the top of your head."
17948,59,3,15,Ted: Observe.
17949,59,3,15,[TED'S SCENARIO]
17950,59,3,15,Ted: Arthur?
17951,59,3,15,"Arthur: What do you want, Marshall?"
17952,59,3,15,"Ted: Justice, sir. You see, we are all born with certain incontrovertible rights, the most fundamentally paramount of which is the right... Wait, you can't be fundamentally paramount. One means highest, one means lowest."
17953,59,3,15,Arthur: You are nailing this.
17954,59,3,15,"Ted: Human beings have rights, and those rights are, um..."
17955,59,3,15,"Arthur: You got me hooked, reel me in."
17956,59,3,15,Ted: There are certain justices that cannot or will not be inalienable... as such... for the future.
17957,59,3,15,Arthur: Stuck the landing... bravo! Thank you. Security's gonna rough you up a bit on the way out.
17958,59,3,15,[END OF TED'S SCENARIO]
17959,59,3,15,"Marshall: Guys, guys, this is not helping, okay? I can't have some big confrontation with Arthur. I need this job, i... I need the money."
17960,59,3,15,"Ted: Yeah, but how good would it feel to walk in there tomorrow, tell him off and then quit?"
17961,59,3,15,"Marshall: It's great to fantasize about, but nobody ever actually does it."
17962,59,3,15,"Barney: Gary blauman did it. Guy I used to work with, the guy's a legend now. We were at the morning meeting and old Blauman was getting reamed out but good."
17963,59,3,15,[FLASHBACK]
17964,59,3,15,"Barney: Pretty much routine at the morning meeting, but then, on this particular day, something amazing happened."
17965,59,3,15,"Bilson: You made yourself look bad, you made this company look bad, and quite frankly, you made our friends, the North Koreans, look bad! And I'll tell you something else, Blauman, if you think for one moment..."
17966,59,3,15,"Blauman: You know what, Bilson? You can kiss my ass."
17967,59,3,15,"Barney: Oh, snap."
17968,59,3,15,Bilson: What?
17969,59,3,15,"Blauman: You heard me. I don't need to take your crap anymore. My cousin's website went public today, and I made a pile of money on the ipo, so you know what I think Of this whole damn company?"
17970,59,3,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17971,59,3,15,"Ted: Oh, my God."
17972,59,3,15,Marshall: He peed on the conference table?
17973,59,3,15,[FLASHBACK]
17974,59,3,15,(Blauman is standing on the conference table)
17975,59,3,15,"Blauman: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Uh, look, could you guys just look away for a second till I get started? Come on. Come on."
17976,59,3,15,"Barney, pouring some water in a glass: Does this help?"
17977,59,3,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
17978,59,3,15,"Barney: Eventually, he just gave up and left. And then his cousin's website tanked. And then he became a janitor at an old folks' home and moved into a one-room apartment above a bowling alley."
17979,59,3,15,Marshall: That's it? that's the end of the story?
17980,59,3,15,"Barney: No, no, of course not... he died."
17981,59,3,15,"Marshall: How does that help me? How does any of this help me? Can somebody, for god's sakes, please give me one piece of useful advice?"
17982,59,3,15,"Barney: Lily, control your woman. The lesson of Blauman is that when your boss screams at you, you never scream back. That's why there's a little thing in corporate America I like to call the chain of screaming."
17983,59,3,15,Marshall: Chain of screaming?
17984,59,3,15,"Barney: Yes. The chain of screaming starts at the top. Arthur's boss's boss screams at Arthur's boss. Arthur's boss screams at Arthur. Arthur screams at you. You go home and scream at Lily. Lily screams at one of the kids in her kindergarten class. Then that kid screams at her dad, Arthur's boss's boss. And the whole thing starts all over again, Thus completing the circle of screaming."
17985,59,3,15,Ted: I thought it was a chain of screaming.
17986,59,3,15,"Barney: It's a circle, Ted, I called it a circle."
17987,59,3,15,Marshall: I don't scream at Lily.
17988,59,3,15,"Lily: And I don't scream at my kids, none of whom have parents who work at marshall's firm."
17989,59,3,15,Robin: So it's not a circle.
17990,59,3,15,"Barney: Fine! You want it to be a chain of screaming, it's a chain of screaming. I came up with the circle idea halfway through, 'cause I thought it was a more elegant metaphor, but fine, ruin it! You guys always undermine me when I'm trying to make a point, and I'm sick of it! God, I'm surrounded by idiots! Idiots! See, doesn't everyone feel better now?"
17991,59,3,15,"Marshall: Lily, I need your take on this. What... what should I do?"
17992,59,3,15,"Lily: Well, what I teach my kids in kindergarten..."
17993,59,3,15,"Barney: Oh, God."
17994,59,3,15,"Lily:...When dealing with a bully, the most important thing is to be constructive and positive."
17995,59,3,15,
17996,59,3,15,[LILY'S SCENARIO]
17997,59,3,15,"Lily: Hello, Arthur."
17998,59,3,15,"Arthur: Hello, Marshall."
17999,59,3,15,"Lily: I have the ninja report right here. But Arthur, in the future, if you want someone to do their best work, try to motivate them, not with fear and intimidation, but through encouragement, inspiration and respect."
18000,59,3,15,"Arthur: Well said, Marshall, I needed to hear that. By the way, I saw your wife's picture in your office. That is one tasty slice."
18001,59,3,15,"Lily: Oh, you're damn right. You know what I'm gonna do when I get home?"
18002,59,3,15,"Arthur: Oh, yeah."
18003,59,3,15,Lily: I'm gonna rip that girl's clothes off...
18004,59,3,15,Arthur: That's it.
18005,59,3,15,Lily:...just throw her on the bed...
18006,59,3,15,Arthur: That's where she belongs.
18007,59,3,15,Lily:...and drive her home like a pack of sled dogs!
18008,59,3,15,[END OF LILY'S SCENARIO]
18009,59,3,15,"Lily: It's bad, guys. Mama needs it bad."
18010,59,3,15,"Marshall: You're right, baby, it's about respect. That is the first useful thing anyone's said to me tonight. Can you give me that speech again?"
18011,59,3,15,Lily: I'm gonna drive her home like a pack of...
18012,59,3,15,"Marshall:No, the other part, please."
18013,59,3,15,"Lily: I have the ninja report right here, but..."
18014,59,3,15,"Ted from 2030: And it seemed like that was the end of it, but it wasn't, because the next night..."
18015,59,3,15,At the apartment
18016,59,3,15,"Lily: Which of these carpets would look better in the new apartment? I like the color of this one, but this one's so soft. It would feel great on your bare feet......or your bare back, a bead of eager sweat rolling down your trembling bosom."
18017,59,3,15,"Ted: Lily, didn't we just go through this with bathroom tiles?"
18018,59,3,15,(Ted picks up his phone)
18019,59,3,15,"Marshall: Shh, don't say my name. Lily can't know it's me. Just pretend you're talking to Stella. Be all lovey dovey."
18020,59,3,15,"Ted: Hey, Stella. Sweetie, how's it going?"
18021,59,3,15,"Marshall: Not good, not good at all."
18022,59,3,15,Ted: Where are you right now?
18023,59,3,15,"Marshall: Right downstairs, come find me. Without Lily."
18024,59,3,15,"Ted: Okay, I'll see you soon."
18025,59,3,15,Marshall: I love you.
18026,59,3,15,"Ted: I love you, too."
18027,59,3,15,"Lily: Wow, you two are already saying the ""l"" word, huh?"
18028,59,3,15,Ted: Apparently.
18029,59,3,15,Lily: You hitting that?
18030,59,3,15,Downstairs...
18031,59,3,15,"Marshall: I'm in trouble, Ted. Ted, I'm freakin' out, man."
18032,59,3,15,"Ted: Um... it's a new car, so just be careful..."
18033,59,3,15,"Marshall: I did something stupid, can we just drive somewhere? I need to get away... just drive, man. Please just drive."
18034,59,3,15,"Ted: It's just, this is a really good parking spot."
18035,59,3,15,Marshall: Dude!
18036,59,3,15,"Ted: Look, just tell me what happened first."
18037,59,3,15,"Marshall: Remember how I said I was gonna give that big speech that Lily told me to give, be firm but respectful? Well, it didn't totally go that way."
18038,59,3,15,"Ted: There is a lot of ketchup on that burger. Sorry, what happened?"
18039,59,3,15,"Marshall: After we all finished talking last night, I went to the diner to finish working on the ninja report."
18040,59,3,15,[FLASHBACK]
18041,59,3,15,"(Marshall is at the Diner, Barney finds him)"
18042,59,3,15,"Barney: Hey, marshall."
18043,59,3,15,Marshall: How long have you been sitting there?
18044,59,3,15,"Barney: If you go in there with Lily's kindergarten nonsense, you're gonna get torn apart. I'm here to save your life. you hungry?"
18045,59,3,15,"Marshall: Yeah, I was just about to order."
18046,59,3,15,Barney: What do you want?
18047,59,3,15,Marshall: A sandwich and gravy fries.
18048,59,3,15,"Waiter: Okay, friends, what do you like?"
18049,59,3,15,"Barney: A green tea with lemon for me, and for my friend here, the meatloaf, please."
18050,59,3,15,Waiter: Very good.
18051,59,3,15,"Marshall: No, I didn't want meatloaf."
18052,59,3,15,"Barney: Marshall, the chain of screaming is a real thing. Arthur screamed at you... now you have to scream at someone else."
18053,59,3,15,"Marshall: No, I don't."
18054,59,3,15,"Barney: Yes, you do, or else that anger is gonna eat you alive."
18055,59,3,15,Marshall: Who would I even scream at?
18056,59,3,15,Barney: I don't know. How about somebody who's disappointed you? Someone who's let you down. Someone who's gonna bring you meatloaf when you explicitly ordered a sandwich and gravy fries.
18057,59,3,15,Marshall: No.
18058,59,3,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18059,59,3,15,(Robin climbs in)
18060,59,3,15,"Robin: Hey, I was just heading to the bar. What are you guys doing out here?"
18061,59,3,15,"Marshall: Oh, I was just telling Ted a story."
18062,59,3,15,"Robin: Ooh, I like stories. You want a lick? What?"
18063,59,3,15,Ted: Is that ice cream cone big enough?
18064,59,3,15,"Robin: Uh, it's delicious enough."
18065,59,3,15,"Marshall: Okay, so... Then I say to Barney..."
18066,59,3,15,[FLASHBACK]
18067,59,3,15,"Marshall: I'm not gonna scream at the waiter, barney."
18068,59,3,15,"Barney: Yes, you are. That waiter is every boss and every bully who ever embarrassed or belittled you. And how dare he deny you the one thing that you want, that would make you happy at this moment. A sandwich and gravy fries."
18069,59,3,15,"Waiter: One green tea with lemon, one meatloaf. Enjoy, my friends."
18070,59,3,15,Barney: Marshall.
18071,59,3,15,Marshall: Excuse me?
18072,59,3,15,Waiter: Yes?
18073,59,3,15,Marshall: This is not what I ordered.
18074,59,3,15,"Waiter: Yes, it is."
18075,59,3,15,"Marshall: I beg your pardon, sir, But I ordered a sandwich and gravy fries, And as the customer, I'm always right, so..."
18076,59,3,15,"Waiter: No, no, I am not going to stand here and take this! I am at the end of a triple shift... that's 18 hours!... And then I have to take two trains and a bus to astoria to have my wife scream at me because I'm never home. No, no, you eat your damn meatloaf!"
18077,59,3,15,(Barney climbs in)
18078,59,3,15,"Barney: Hey, what are you guys doing out here?"
18079,59,3,15,"Robin: Oh sweet, can I get a toot?"
18080,59,3,15,"Ted: Uh-uh. against car rules, it's against car rules!"
18081,59,3,15,"Barney: Oh, Ted, relax, it's Cuban. People pay to have their car smell like this."
18082,59,3,15,"Ted: Well, that's just not true."
18083,59,3,15,"Barney: Oh, Marshall, switch seats with me. I called shotgun for all eternity."
18084,59,3,15,Robin:You can't call shotgun for eternity.
18085,59,3,15,"Barney: Well, that's funny, cause I did!"
18086,59,3,15,Robin:It's case by case.
18087,59,3,15,"Marshall: Guys, I'm telling a life-altering story here!"
18088,59,3,15,[FLASHBACK]
18089,59,3,15,(Barney and Marshall are walking in the street)
18090,59,3,15,"Barney: A 20% tip, really, for that waiter?"
18091,59,3,15,"Marshall: I don't know, Barney, he worked a triple, it just..."
18092,59,3,15,"Barney: I can't believe it! If you're not gonna yell at the waiter, Yell at me."
18093,59,3,15,Marshall: What?
18094,59,3,15,Barney: Yell at me.
18095,59,3,15,"Marshall: I'm not gonna yell at you, Barney."
18096,59,3,15,"Barney: What, you think you're gonna upset me? Please, give me your best shot."
18097,59,3,15,"Marshall: Okay, fine... what, you want me to yell at you?"
18098,59,3,15,Barney: Yeah.
18099,59,3,15,"Marshall: This is me yelling at you, Barney."
18100,59,3,15,"Barney: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of a butterfly landing on a leaf about three blocks away."
18101,59,3,15,"Marshall: This is me yelling at you, Barney!"
18102,59,3,15,"Barney: Okay, you got some volume, now give me some content. Make it hurt."
18103,59,3,15,Marshall: You don't look as good in suits as you think you do!
18104,59,3,15,"Barney: No, something that's true-- come on. The man made you cry. Make me cry."
18105,59,3,15,Marshall: Your mom's a slut!
18106,59,3,15,Barney: Yes.
18107,59,3,15,"Marshall: Your mom's a slut, and I'm sorry, Barney, but you and your brother clearly have different fathers, And you know why? It's probably because your mom is a slutty slut!"
18108,59,3,15,Barney: Keep going.
18109,59,3,15,Marshall: I don't care what you say. Bob Barker is not your father!
18110,59,3,15,"Barney: Okay, now, well, that's just not cool."
18111,59,3,15,"Marshall: Oh my god, Barney, I'm so sorry..."
18112,59,3,15,"Barney: No, I'm kidding... keep going."
18113,59,3,15,"Marshall: Bob Barker's not your father! You've concocted this delusional idea that a game show host is your real father, and he's not! You were abandoned, Barney! You were abandoned, and you never dealt with it, and so now you never allow yourself to feel anything, and that's how you survive in this corporate world, and if I keep heading down this path, I'm gonna turn into you! And I don't want that! I don't want any of this! This is not why I became a lawyer. This is not the person that I wanted to be..."
18114,59,3,15,"(Later, at Marshall's firm)"
18115,59,3,15,"Marshall:... I quit, Arthur! I quit!"
18116,59,3,15,"Arthur: Well, thank you, Eriksen, I needed to hear that."
18117,59,3,15,"Marshall: Really, 'cause I didn't mean to attack you personally, It's just that i..."
18118,59,3,15,"Arthur: No, no, no, the part where you said, ""I quit."" Now we don't have to pay you a severance package. Uh, security's gonna rough you up a bit on the way out."
18119,59,3,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18120,59,3,15,"Ted: Robin, you dropped a little ice cream..."
18121,59,3,15,Marshall: Dude!
18122,59,3,15,Ted: I'm sorry.
18123,59,3,15,"Barney: Don't blame this on me, Marshall. I told you to yell at someone beneath you. The circle of screaming is... The chain of scr... Pyramid... the pyramid of screaming! The pyramid of screaming."
18124,59,3,15,"Marshall: How am I supposed to tell lily? She supported me through three years of law school, and now is the time when I'm supposed to pay her back. Now we're gonna lose the apartment. The place where we were gonna raise our children. How am I supposed to tell the person who I love more than anything in this world that I've just thrown away our future?"
18125,59,3,15,"(Lily knocks on the window, startling everybody in the car)"
18126,59,3,15,"Ted: Everybody out, everybody out of the new car! Out of the new car!"
18127,59,3,15,"Barney: Ted, screaming never solves anything."
18128,59,3,15,"(Ted, Barney and Robin go out of the car, Lily climbs in)"
18129,59,3,15,Ted from 2030: And so marshall finally had to tell lily what happened.
18130,59,3,15,"Marshall: I'm so sorry. I just lost it. But I can fix it. First thing tomorrow, I'm gonna go in there on my hands and knees and beg for my job back."
18131,59,3,15,"Lily: No, you're not."
18132,59,3,15,Marshall: What?
18133,59,3,15,"Lily: Marshall, our future isn't money or an apartment. And it's definitely not you being miserable at that horrible job. I'm just happy to have my husband back. We'll figure the rest out."
18134,59,3,15,Marshall: I love you.
18135,59,3,15,"Lily: I love you, too."
18136,59,3,15,At the Bar
18137,59,3,15,(Ted is writing a check for Marshall)
18138,59,3,15,"Ted from 2030: Ultimately, they were able to make ends meet without going bust on the apartment."
18139,59,3,15,Marshall: You sure about this?
18140,59,3,15,"Ted: Yeah, who needs a car in new york city, right?"
18141,59,3,15,"Marshall: Ted, I don't think I can accept..."
18142,59,3,15,"Ted: Marshall, don't make me scream at you."
18143,59,3,15,"Marshall: Thanks a lot, buddy."
18144,59,3,15,"Ted: You guys did it in the car, didn't..."
18145,59,3,15,"Marshall: Oh, yeah!"
18146,60,3,16,"Ted from 2030: Now kids, When aunt Robin was the teenager. She was, well, the Canadian pop star. But by 2008, she was the entirely different person."
18147,60,3,16,Robin is presenting the news.
18148,60,3,16,"Robin: Coming up next, 'Is your baby trying to kill you?'"
18149,60,3,16,At the Bar
18150,60,3,16,"Ted from 2030: Which maybe events that week, all the more surprising."
18151,60,3,16,"Ted: So, I got up this morning, its freezing. So I walked over there. And I don't know why I am still talking. Because clearly we are all asking the same question. What in God's creation is going on with Robin's breasts."
18152,60,3,16,"Robin: I know, right, isn't that amazing? I spent half an hour making these happen. Its tape in there, cotton balls, half of a Nerf football, but it works, right?"
18153,60,3,16,Lily: Totally. What's the occasion?
18154,60,3,16,Robin: And old friend from Canada is in town and I'm meeting him for a drink.
18155,60,3,16,Barney: Ooh! Somebody you went to Degrassi with?
18156,60,3,16,"Robin: No. Actually, he was my first boyfriend."
18157,60,3,16,[FLASHBACK]
18158,60,3,16,"A young man is at the beach, Robin joins him."
18159,60,3,16,Robin: Simon. I thought he was the coolest guy ever. He smelled like Drakkar. He could ollie on a skateboard. He had the most amazing collection of Hard Rock Cafe T-shirts. We spent the whole summer madly in love.
18160,60,3,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18161,60,3,16,"Barney: Tell me more. Tell me more. Like, did he have a car?"
18162,60,3,16,"Marshall: So he's the guy who... How shall I say this like a gentleman? Robin, did he take your maple leaf?"
18163,60,3,16,"Robin: No, it wasn't like that."
18164,60,3,16,"Barney: Sounds to me like he gave you your first ""O, Canada!"" face."
18165,60,3,16,Ted from 2030: This went on for a really long time. Some of them jokes were elegant and well-crafted...
18166,60,3,16,"Lily: Wait, wait. Did he break up with you and tell you he's just not that Inuit?"
18167,60,3,16,(laughing)
18168,60,3,16,"Ted from 2030:...others were crude, and ill-formed..."
18169,60,3,16,"Ted: Um, something about fur trapping."
18170,60,3,16,"Ted from 2030:...and others were obvious, but needed to be said..."
18171,60,3,16,Barney: Did you ride his Zamboni?
18172,60,3,16,"Marshall: Wait, wait, wait. Did he...? I think I'm out."
18173,60,3,16,"Ted: Yeah, I'm also ""oot. Okay, now I'm really out."
18174,60,3,16,"Robin: Well, I'm sorry, guys. It was all very tame. We only dated for a week and a half."
18175,60,3,16,Barney: Wha...? I thought you said you were together all summer.
18176,60,3,16,"Robin: Yeah. Summer in Canada is pretty much the last week of July. Anyway, one night, his band just finish playing this gig..."
18177,60,3,16,[FLASHBACK]
18178,60,3,16,Robin is lifting a big box into the trunk of a van.
18179,60,3,16,"Robin: Oh, my God! Simon. That was such a good show. You guys totally rocked out."
18180,60,3,16,"Simon: Yeah. I know. I figure we're about four or five gigs away from really exploding. We're gonna be big, babe. I mean, like Crash-Test-Dummies big. So, that everything? All right. Listen, babe... It's over."
18181,60,3,16,Robin: What?
18182,60,3,16,Simon: I'm getting back together with Louise Marsh.
18183,60,3,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18184,60,3,16,Lily: Louise Marsh?! That's a whore's name if I ever heard one.
18185,60,3,16,"Marshall: Yeah, why would he want to get back together with Louise Marsh?"
18186,60,3,16,[FLASHBACK]
18187,60,3,16,"Simon: Well, the thing is... her folks just put in a pool."
18188,60,3,16,"Robin: Oh... So... I totally... I get it. Pools are great. Swimming's awesome. We have a sprinkler. Run right through it. Well, I should go."
18189,60,3,16,"Simon: Uh... Babe, wait."
18190,60,3,16,"Robin: Yeah, Simon?"
18191,60,3,16,Simon: You forgot to load the drum set.
18192,60,3,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18193,60,3,16,Ted: No! Tell me you did not load the drum set.
18194,60,3,16,Robin: I did.
18195,60,3,16,"Marshall: And now he's coming here? Robin, why do you want to see this guy?"
18196,60,3,16,"Lily: Oh! I know why. You're gonna win, aren't you?"
18197,60,3,16,Robin: I have no idea what you' talking about.
18198,60,3,16,"Ted: Yes, you do. Whenever you haven't seen someone for a long time, no matter how much you want to deny it, there's always a clear winner and a clear loser."
18199,60,3,16,"Robin: Well, since you brought it up, let's add up the points."
18200,60,3,16,Barney: You're starting out with two big ones right there.
18201,60,3,16,"Robin: Thank you. Okay. So, Simon still lives with his mom."
18202,60,3,16,Ted: Point Robin.
18203,60,3,16,"Robin: Um, he never became a rock star."
18204,60,3,16,Lily: Point Robin.
18205,60,3,16,Robin: He now works at a water slide park outside of Ottawa.
18206,60,3,16,Marshall: Point Simon.
18207,60,3,16,Ted: Wait. Do they have a wave pool?
18208,60,3,16,Robin: No.
18209,60,3,16,Marshall: Ah. Point Robin. That's five-zip. There's no coming back from that.
18210,60,3,16,"Robin: Yeah, he's going down. I mean, unless somehow, he got hotter. There he is."
18211,60,3,16,"Ted from 2030: And sure enough, there was a clear winner, and a clear loser. It just wasn't clear to everybody."
18212,60,3,16,"Simon: Hey, babe."
18213,60,3,16,"Robin, giggling: Oh, my God."
18214,60,3,16,[OPENING CREDITS]
18215,60,3,16,At the apartment
18216,60,3,16,"Ted: Okay, what the hell just happened?"
18217,60,3,16,"Robin: Oh, come on, it wasn't so bad, was it?"
18218,60,3,16,(The others groan)
18219,60,3,16,[FLASHBACK]
18220,60,3,16,"Robin: Hey, Simon."
18221,60,3,16,"Simon: Wow, look at you. You got old."
18222,60,3,16,"Robin: Yeah. You look great. You got hotter, like that's possible."
18223,60,3,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18224,60,3,16,"Robin: So... Look, I know it didn't go as planned, but I can't help it. I mean... he's still got it."
18225,60,3,16,[FLASHBACK]
18226,60,3,16,Simon: Whoa! Four bucks for a brew? What a rip. Good thing I'm packing.
18227,60,3,16,(He takes a can out of his pants)
18228,60,3,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18229,60,3,16,"Robin: So he's not a snob. He's from a different part of Canada, you know? The maple leaf flag on the back of the pickup truck? He's Red Province. He's from the Deep North."
18230,60,3,16,"Marshall: The thing is, we gave you so many opportunities."
18231,60,3,16,[FLASHBACK]
18232,60,3,16,"Lily: So, Simon, Robin's a bit of a local celebrity here in New York. She's the lead anchor at Metro News One. Tell him, Robin."
18233,60,3,16,"Robin: No. It's stupid. It's not cool, like Simon's shirt."
18234,60,3,16,"Barney: I'm sorry, Simon. Here we are nattering on about our big celebrity. What do you do for a living?"
18235,60,3,16,"Simon: Oh, I work at the Splish Splash Ottawa Water Slide Park."
18236,60,3,16,Ted: Huh! A water slide park. That sure is different than what Robin does.
18237,60,3,16,"Simon: Yeah, it is... because I save lives. If I'm not sitting in that stool at the top of the slide, going... Go.. Go... Go... people die. What, you think it's so easy? You try it."
18238,60,3,16,Ted: Um... (clears his throat)... okay. Go.
18239,60,3,16,Simon: You didn't put your hand up; kid just died.
18240,60,3,16,"Ted: No, I didn't know..."
18241,60,3,16,Simon: Another kid just went; he died too.
18242,60,3,16,"Ted: Oh, well, sure. I mean, if I was actually..."
18243,60,3,16,"Simon: Another kid just went; now you've got a pile-up and Robin's got something to report on the news. This just in: My friend, Ted, just killed a bunch of kids today."
18244,60,3,16,"Lily: Well, that's cool. You got to pay the bills somehow since your whole music thing didn't really pan out, did it?"
18245,60,3,16,"Simon: Well, it hasn't panned out yet, but the band's still going. About four or five gigs away from really exploding."
18246,60,3,16,Robin: The Foreskins are still playing?
18247,60,3,16,Ted: The Foreskins? How'd you guys come up with that name?
18248,60,3,16,"Simon: Well, there's four of us, and we play without shirts. Babe, seriously."
18249,60,3,16,Robin: I know. I'm sorry.
18250,60,3,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18251,60,3,16,"Robin: I know. I'm sorry. But you guys just don't understand. The fact that he kept the band going...that's impressive! I mean, I gave up my musical dream."
18252,60,3,16,Barney: Which brings us to the most important piece of information from tonight.
18253,60,3,16,[FLASHBACK]
18254,60,3,16,"Barney: So, Simon, how did you guys meet?"
18255,60,3,16,"Simon: Oh, I was in her video."
18256,60,3,16,Robin: Starred in it is more like it.
18257,60,3,16,"Simon: Well, once you win Mr. Teen Winnipeg, everybody wants a piece of the moneymaker."
18258,60,3,16,"Barney: I'm sorry. I've seen ""Let's Go to the Mall"" about a thousand times, and you, sir, are not in it."
18259,60,3,16,"Simon: No, I was in the other one."
18260,60,3,16,Barney: There's another video?!
18261,60,3,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18262,60,3,16,"Barney: Robin, seriously, just make this easier on yourself and give us the tape."
18263,60,3,16,Robin: No.
18264,60,3,16,"Barney: All right! You leave me no choice. From this moment on, I will spend every waking minute ching down this tape. I will not sleep. I will not eat. My life will be a living hell of search engines and overseas phone calls, chasing down something that possibly can't be found."
18265,60,3,16,Robin: Okay.
18266,60,3,16,"Marshall: It's just... It was so hard to watch, Robin. You're usually so cool."
18267,60,3,16,"Robin: I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sitting next to Simon, and suddenly I'm 16 again."
18268,60,3,16,"Ted: Oh, it's actually a common thing. When you're around someone from your past, you kind of revert back to who you were when you knew them. There's not really a name for it, though."
18269,60,3,16,"Marshall: It's called ""revertigo."""
18270,60,3,16,"Ted: Yeah, I don't know about ""revertigo."""
18271,60,3,16,"Marshall: You know who gets really bad revertigo? (whispers) Lily when she around her high school friend, Michelle."
18272,60,3,16,Barney: Michelle? She sounds hot.
18273,60,3,16,Ted: You don't know about Lily and Michelle?
18274,60,3,16,Barney: No. What about Lily and Michelle?
18275,60,3,16,"Marshall: Oh, my friend, you are in for a treat. Hey, Lil?"
18276,60,3,16,Lily: What?
18277,60,3,16,"Marshall: You know, I was just thinking, we haven't seen your friend Michelle in a while."
18278,60,3,16,"Lily: Oh, yeah. I'll give her a call, see if she wants to hang out."
18279,60,3,16,Barney: What... (stammers) Do they make out?
18280,60,3,16,Marshall: Better.
18281,60,3,16,Ted: Comparable.
18282,60,3,16,Marshall: Comparable.
18283,60,3,16,"Robin: Whatever. It's over. I lost. I guess you, uh, you don't get second chance."
18284,60,3,16,
18285,60,3,16,"Later, at the Bar"
18286,60,3,16,Robin: I got a second chance.
18287,60,3,16,Lily: What happened?
18288,60,3,16,Robin: He came by my place tonight...
18289,60,3,16,[FLASHBACK]
18290,60,3,16,Robin: Simon. What are you doing here?
18291,60,3,16,Simon: I just feel like there's some unfinished business between you and me. Seeing you now... has made me realize that breaking up with you is the biggest mistake I made in my entire life.
18292,60,3,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18293,60,3,16,"Robin: Oh, I like where this is going."
18294,60,3,16,[FLASHBACK]
18295,60,3,16,"Simon: I know this is crazy, and I'm only in town for a couple of days, but do you want to go on a date?"
18296,60,3,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18297,60,3,16,"Lily: He asked you out?! Oh, step into my web, Simon."
18298,60,3,16,Ted: The coup de grace.
18299,60,3,16,Barney: Finish him!
18300,60,3,16,[FLASHBACK]
18301,60,3,16,Robin: I'd love to!
18302,60,3,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18303,60,3,16,Ted: Wait. You're going on a date with Simon? That Simon?The one we met?
18304,60,3,16,"Lily: Robin, this guy doesn't deserve a second chance. Not after the way he treated you."
18305,60,3,16,"Robin: That was ten years ago. People evolve. I mean, are you the same person that you were in high school?"
18306,60,3,16,"Lily: Oh, hell, no!"
18307,60,3,16,Marshall: I think you're gonna enjoy this.
18308,60,3,16,Lily: That my girl Michelle?
18309,60,3,16,"Michelle: Bitch, you know it!"
18310,60,3,16,Lily: How she livin'?
18311,60,3,16,Michelle: She living only way she know how to. Large!
18312,60,3,16,"Lily: Oh, girl, you gots to get your drink on up in here."
18313,60,3,16,Michelle: I'm hoping my big ass can hustle me up a vodka-Gatorade.
18314,60,3,16,Lily: For reals.
18315,60,3,16,(Lily and Michelle leave the bar together)
18316,60,3,16,"Barney: I want her around all the time. I'd even consider not trying to sleep with her if that's what it takes. Guys, I've decided to seduce Michelle."
18317,60,3,16,In some garage
18318,60,3,16,(Robin is watching Simon's band playing)
18319,60,3,16,Robin: Yeah!
18320,60,3,16,"Simon: Guys, that was great. Let's take five. Hey, babe, did you like it after my bass solo when I flicked my pick at you?"
18321,60,3,16,Robin: That rocked.
18322,60,3,16,"Simon: Yeah. Uh, 'cause I'm gonna need that pick back."
18323,60,3,16,"Robin: Oh, uh, sure."
18324,60,3,16,"Simon: Um, I think it... It's cool. You'll find it later."
18325,60,3,16,"Robin: Oh, cool. I wish I didn't have to go to work in the morning."
18326,60,3,16,"Simon: Oh, but, babe, you got to go to work. You got to play our demo on your show."
18327,60,3,16,"Robin: Oh, well, you know, it's not a show. It's the news."
18328,60,3,16,"Simon: Right. So you can be, like ""Hey, did you hear there's some news? There's a rad band you guys should check out."" And then play it. Or just, like, the first three songs."
18329,60,3,16,Robin is presenting the news...
18330,60,3,16,"Robin: And now it's time for ""Puppy Corner,"" some little angels looking for a new home, courtesy of the Midtown Animal Shelter."
18331,60,3,16,Dog's pictures are shown with Simon's music in the background (hard-metal music)
18332,60,3,16,At the Bar
18333,60,3,16,"Robin: Hey, a lot of puppies got adopted. Of course, a lot of the people calling in thought we were going to kill them."
18334,60,3,16,"Marshall: Robin, your revertigo is really starting to affect your work."
18335,60,3,16,Lily: What's revertigo?
18336,60,3,16,"Ted: It's a stupid, made-up word with no meaning."
18337,60,3,16,"Marshall: No. It's a phenomenon where, when you're around people from your past, you start behaving like them."
18338,60,3,16,Lily: Oh. One example of that springs to mind. I think we all know what it is.
18339,60,3,16,Marshall: You do?
18340,60,3,16,Lily: Yeah. Ted.
18341,60,3,16,Ted: Me?
18342,60,3,16,"Lily: Whenever Ted's friend Punchy comes into town, it's like, all of a sudden, Ted's in high school again."
18343,60,3,16,"Ted: Okay, okay. First of all, his name is Adam Punciarello, and I don't do that."
18344,60,3,16,[FLASHBACK]
18345,60,3,16,(Someone is knocking at the door)
18346,60,3,16,"Ted: Ooh. That must be Adam. 'Sup, Punchy?"
18347,60,3,16,"Punchy: 'Sup, Shmosby?!"
18348,60,3,16,Ted: You want to go?
18349,60,3,16,Punchy: I'm already there!
18350,60,3,16,"Ted: Dude, seriously, I'm sorry about your dad."
18351,60,3,16,"Punchy:Yeah, it was a real shock."
18352,60,3,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18353,60,3,16,"Ted: I can't believe you, of all people, are saying this."
18354,60,3,16,Lily: Why?
18355,60,3,16,Ted: No reason.
18356,60,3,16,"Marshall: Robin, the point is, what are you doing? I mean, this guy?"
18357,60,3,16,"Robin: Okay, you want the truth? Yeah. I like Simon. I do. We have fun together."
18358,60,3,16,"Lily: Oh, we know you do, honey, but we're worried about you."
18359,60,3,16,"Robin: You're worried? Okay, hold on. Is there any version of this conversation where you guys don't sound like my parents?"
18360,60,3,16,Lily: I don't know. Is there any version where you don't sound like a 16-year-old?
18361,60,3,16,Robin: That's exactly what my mom would say.
18362,60,3,16,"Lily: No. If I was your mom, I woulsay, ""We forbid you from seeing this boy."""
18363,60,3,16,Robin: Lily!
18364,60,3,16,"Lily: No, I'm sorry, but it's for your own good."
18365,60,3,16,Robin: This is my life! You guys just don't get it! You've never felt the way that I feel!
18366,60,3,16,"Marshall: Now, now. We were once young and in love, too."
18367,60,3,16,"Robin: Yeah, like, a billion years ago."
18368,60,3,16,"Lily: You've been drinking, haven't you?"
18369,60,3,16,"Robin: Yeah, we all have. You bought the last round."
18370,60,3,16,Lily: You're not going to that show tonight!
18371,60,3,16,"Robin: Oh, yes, I am, and you know what else? Tonight, after the show, Simon and I are going all the way."
18372,60,3,16,"Lily: Young lady, get back here! Thanks for your help."
18373,60,3,16,"Ted: Hey, so, today at work..."
18374,60,3,16,"Marshall: Not now, Ted!"
18375,60,3,16,Ted: Geez.
18376,60,3,16,At the back of Simon's van
18377,60,3,16,(Robin is lifting boxes into the van)
18378,60,3,16,"Robin: Oh, hey, Simon. Great show. You guys still rock."
18379,60,3,16,Simon: Yeah. They totally dug my bass solo. Man! Why can't I always feel this alive?!
18380,60,3,16,"Robin: God, I just love seeing you so happy."
18381,60,3,16,"Simon: Yeah. About that. Listen, babe. It's over."
18382,60,3,16,Robin: What?
18383,60,3,16,Simon: I'm getting back together with Louise Marsh.
18384,60,3,16,"Robin, laughing: What? You're kidding me. You're breaking up with me? Again? F-For the same ex-girlfriend? In the same van? What is it? Her-Her parents got a pool? Is that still the reason?"
18385,60,3,16,At the Bar
18386,60,3,16,"Ted: Well... I'm sorry, Robin."
18387,60,3,16,"Robin: I'm fine, really."
18388,60,3,16,"Lily: Oh, Robin, I'm gonna tell you for real. Simon's a dawg. You feel me, Chelle?"
18389,60,3,16,"Michelle: Mm-hmm, for reals. He a scrub."
18390,60,3,16,Lily: Mm. True dat. I'ma get me my champagne and grape soda on.
18391,60,3,16,"Ted: So, how's Columbia?"
18392,60,3,16,Michelle: Great! I'm almost done with my dissertation. Hmm. I'm getting a PhD in behavioral psychology.
18393,60,3,16,"Robin: Um, can I make an observation?"
18394,60,3,16,"Michelle: Oh. I know. Whenever I'm around Lily, she just brings out that side of me. There's a psychological term for the phenomenon."
18395,60,3,16,Marshall: Revertigo?
18396,60,3,16,"Michelle:No. Actually, it's associative regression. You see, the neural pathways that... Oh, no, you did not just put on my jam! Oh. Put your hands up, girl!"
18397,60,3,16,(Lily and Michelle start dancing around)
18398,60,3,16,"Ted from 2030: One by one, we all had to go home. Soon, it was just Robin."
18399,60,3,16,Barney: All right. I can't find your video. I've wasted three days tr... What's the matter?
18400,60,3,16,Robin: Uh... Simon dumped me in his van after the show.
18401,60,3,16,"Barney: Yeah, Robin, that was, like, ten years ago."
18402,60,3,16,"Robin: No, tonight."
18403,60,3,16,"Barney: Ooh. Really? (Robin starts crying)Oh! Oh, come here."
18404,60,3,16,"Robin: It's just... when I was young, I was so... vulnerable and-and open to things, you know? And... I guess I just... I wanted to feel that way again. I wanted to be 16 again."
18405,60,3,16,"Barney: Robin, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth. You want to be 16 again? I have watched your first Robin Sparkles video 1,000 times, and it's not because I'm proud of you as a friend. It's because you were totally, totally lame back then. But now, come on. Pa-cow! You're the most awesome person I have ever known. Well, second most awesome."
18406,60,3,16,"Robin: Right. Of course, the-the first being you."
18407,60,3,16,Barney: No. No. The first is this guy who lives in a place called the mirror. What up?! I'm saying that you are way more awesome than Simon ever will be.
18408,60,3,16,"Robin: Barney, do you want to come back to my place?"
18409,60,3,16,Barney: Your place?
18410,60,3,16,At Robin's
18411,60,3,16,Barney: Are you sure you want to do this?
18412,60,3,16,"Robin: Yeah. I am. Let's just not tell anyone about this, okay?"
18413,60,3,16,"Barney: Of course. So, should I just put it in?"
18414,60,3,16,"Robin: Yeah, why not?"
18415,60,3,16,(Barney plays a video tape)
18416,60,3,16,"Robin: This was my big artistic follow-up to""Let's Go to the Mall."" It kind of tanked."
18417,60,3,16,Barney: Is that Tiffany? Mm-hmm. You are so rad. It's everything I want it to be and more.
18418,60,3,16,"Robin: Oh, I'm so glad."
18419,60,3,16,Barney: Is that Alan Thicke?
18420,60,3,16,Robin: Yeah.
18421,60,3,16,"Barney: You know, if you reedit it, there's a tampon commercial in here somewhere. Do you seem how lame you were back then?"
18422,60,3,16,"Robin: Yeah, you're right. I was lame."
18423,60,3,16,"Barney: Totally lame. Ugh. And, of course, the robot makes an appearance in the sad love ballad."
18424,60,3,16,Robin: He was my sidekick. He had to be.
18425,60,3,16,Ted from 2030: And so they watched it again... And again... And again. They watched it over and over that night until finally... (Robin and Barney kiss) they stopped watching.
18426,61,3,17,"Ted from 2030: Well, kids, here we are. We've arrived, my 30th birthday. The long-awaited story of...the goat. That week started just like any other. Barney woke up in some girl's bed."
18427,61,3,17,In Robin's bedroom
18428,61,3,17,"Barney: In my experience, the way this normally goes is, we lie here for a while, make a little awkward chitchat."
18429,61,3,17,Robin: Check.
18430,61,3,17,"Barney: Then I make up some cabinet meeting, heart surgery, rocket test flight I've got to be at, slip out of the apartment and never call you again."
18431,61,3,17,"Robin: And later at the bar, you tell your good friend Robin the story of your latest conquest, and she thinks to herself, ""who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed into bed with Barney Stinson?"""
18432,61,3,17,"Barney: Actually, you usually say that out loud. So...I just slept with my best friend's ex-girlfriend"
18433,61,3,17,Robin: And I just slept with my ex-boyfriend's really good friend.
18434,61,3,17,Barney: Best friend.
18435,61,3,17,"Robin: Okay, here's the deal, Barney. The second my feet touch the ground, this never happened."
18436,61,3,17,"Barney: Okay. Wait. Right click, save as... Into the.bpeg folder, and okay. This never happened. It's a good plan."
18437,61,3,17,Robin: Now we go back to exactly the way things were before.
18438,61,3,17,"Barney: Okay. Right. So, Robin?"
18439,61,3,17,"Robin: Yes, Barney?"
18440,61,3,17,Barney: Guess who nailed the chick from metro news one last night?
18441,61,3,17,[OPENING CREDITS]
18442,61,3,17,"Robin: I'm gonna shower... till June, and, um, since you were never here to begin with, you won't be here when I get out."
18443,61,3,17,Barney: Okay. This never happened. Never happened. Never... happened.
18444,61,3,17,Ted from 2030: But pretending it never happened wouldn't be that easy.
18445,61,3,17,At the Bar
18446,61,3,17,"Ted: So, tell us, what was it like?"
18447,61,3,17,Barney: What?
18448,61,3,17,"Ted: Penetrating that barrier. You and I are the first ones to hit it. Well, not the first ones, certainly, but the first ones at this table."
18449,61,3,17,Barney: I... I... I'm... I'm...
18450,61,3,17,"Marshall: Although, I'm gonna be hitting it pretty soon."
18451,61,3,17,"Robin: Yeah, you are."
18452,61,3,17,"Marshall: Yeah, and when I hit it, I'm going to go nuts."
18453,61,3,17,"Lily: It's gonna be all night, and I think I want a clown there. I'm a little bit scared of clowns, but for you, I'm there."
18454,61,3,17,Barney: What are you talking about?!
18455,61,3,17,"Ted: The big three-oh. You know, my 30th birthday's this friday. Did you forget? What kind of friend is this guy?"
18456,61,3,17,"Barney: Ha-ha right. A great friend, by the way. The best. Is it my imagination, or are these drinks getting smaller? If this were a doctor's office, they'd say, ""try again."" How you doing there, Robin?"
18457,61,3,17,Robin: I'm good.
18458,61,3,17,"Ted: Oh, so, I made a a decision. I'm going to go through all my old stuff, And I'm getting rid of anything I have no use for anymore. Hmm. Barney, you want my xbox?"
18459,61,3,17,"Barney: Ted, she has a name! And just what are you accusing me of?"
18460,61,3,17,Ted: Liking video games?
18461,61,3,17,Robin: I'm gonna get a drink.
18462,61,3,17,Barney: I'll come with you.
18463,61,3,17,Robin: Okay.
18464,61,3,17,"Barney: God, this is awkward."
18465,61,3,17,Robin: What is?
18466,61,3,17,Barney: Being around Ted.
18467,61,3,17,Robin: Why?
18468,61,3,17,Barney: Because of our thing.
18469,61,3,17,Robin: What thing?
18470,61,3,17,Barney: You're really gonna pretend this never happened?
18471,61,3,17,(Ted arrives behind Barney and startles him)
18472,61,3,17,Ted: What never happened? What are you guys talking about?
18473,61,3,17,Robin: Nothing.
18474,61,3,17,"Ted: Guys, cut the act. I know. I know about the surprise party you guys are throwing me. Marshall let it slip earlier today. Hey, I'll totally act surprised and everything. Just be sure to invite Stella."
18475,61,3,17,"Barney: Stella! You have a serious girlfriend now! You're over this one. Robin who, right? Stella makes this one look like a filthy bag of gbabage, am I right? Happy birthday, bro."
18476,61,3,17,At Marshall's
18477,61,3,17,"(Marshall is playing a video game. His phone starts ringing, he picks up)"
18478,61,3,17,Marshall: Hello.
18479,61,3,17,"Barney: Hey, Marshall, I need your help."
18480,61,3,17,"Marshall: Yeah, I'm kind of real focused on the job hunt right now."
18481,61,3,17,Barney: I know. I want to hire you.
18482,61,3,17,"Marshall: For the last time, Barney, I will not be your butler."
18483,61,3,17,Barney: I need a lawyer. I'll pay you.
18484,61,3,17,Marshall: How much?
18485,61,3,17,Barney: A little.
18486,61,3,17,Marshall: I'll take it.
18487,61,3,17,In Barney's office
18488,61,3,17,"Marshall: Hey. so, I'm reading this, and, I got to say, this might be a little bit over my head. For one thing, I'm fairly certain that if these contracts aren't executed precisely, we will be at war with Portugal."
18489,61,3,17,"Barney: Forget that. That's a Tuesday for me. New shredder. This baby'll chew up a bicycle in 17 seconds. From sky mall. It's all from sky mall. Whenever I get upset, I shop at sky mall. Want a hot dog?"
18490,61,3,17,Marshall: Of course. Why are you upset?
18491,61,3,17,"Barney: Marshall, I'm about to tell you a secret that you can't tell anyone-- not Ted, not Robin, not Lily."
18492,61,3,17,"Marshall: No. no, no, no, I don't want any more secrets, especially now that I know what you guys did to the drinking water in lisbon. I..."
18493,61,3,17,"Barney: You are hearing this secret, Marshall. I... I slept... (Marshall covers his ears with his hands and starts singing) Stop..stop doing that. (Barney throws a bowling ball at him, Marshall catches it) I slept... I slept with Robin."
18494,61,3,17,Marshall: You slept with Robin?
18495,61,3,17,Barney: Are you mad at me?
18496,61,3,17,Marshall: I don't know.
18497,61,3,17,Barney: How's the hot dog?
18498,61,3,17,"Marshall: It's helping. You slept with Robin?! I... I cannot keep that secret. I mean, you know I at least have to tell Lily."
18499,61,3,17,Barney: You can't. you can't tell anyone. Attorney-client privilege.
18500,61,3,17,Marshall: Why are you doing this to me?!
18501,61,3,17,"Barney: Because I need you, Marshall, as my lawyer, to prove that I didn't do anying wrong."
18502,61,3,17,"Marshall: How can I help you as your lawyer? You didn't break any laws, did you? Robin knows you slept with her, doesn't she?"
18503,61,3,17,"Barney: I didn't break any state or federal laws, but I think I broke a much, much higher law. The Bro Code."
18504,61,3,17,"Ted from 2030: For many years, we had heard Barney quote the Bro Code, a list of do's and don'ts for all bros. Some were basic."
18505,61,3,17,[FLASHBACK]
18506,61,3,17,"Barney: Bro Code article one:""Bros before hoes."""
18507,61,3,17,Ted from 2030: Some were unbelievably complicated.
18508,61,3,17,"Barney: Bro Code article 89: ""The mom of a bro is always off limits, but the stepmom of a bro is fair game if she initiates it, and/or is wearing at least one a article of leopard print clothing."""
18509,61,3,17,Ted from 2030: And some were just plain disturbing.
18510,61,3,17,"Barney: Bro Code article 34: ""Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's three-way."" Two dudes."
18511,61,3,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18512,61,3,17,Marshall: This is not a legal docume.. This is just something you wrote.
18513,61,3,17,"Barney: You think I wrote that? Oh, Marshall, don't you know the glorious history of the Bro Code?"
18514,61,3,17,[HISTORICAL FLASHBACK]
18515,61,3,17,Two men are sitting at a table.
18516,61,3,17,Barney: The year was 1776. The place: Philadelphia. Benjamin Franklin and George Washington were hangng a drink.
18517,61,3,17,"Benjamin: But, bro, seriously, I called the dibs on that wench. You codpiece blocked me."
18518,61,3,17,George: So what if I did? There's no rule against it.
18519,61,3,17,"Benjamin: Well, there should be. There should be a set of rules that govern the way bros comport themselves among other bros."
18520,61,3,17,"George: But who shall write such a document? I have to go to Me, D.C.,and pose for the dollar bill."
18521,61,3,17,Benjamin: And I have to do some kite-flying or setething.
18522,61,3,17,Barney: I shall write this set of rules. And I shall inscribe it on theacack of the Constitution. To save paper.
18523,61,3,17,George: It's resolved! Barney Stinson shall write... the Bro Code.
18524,61,3,17,"Barney: And I shall l include a provision that stateth ""No eye contact in a devil's three-way."""
18525,61,3,17,Benjamin: Seconded.
18526,61,3,17,George: Seconded.
18527,61,3,17,[END OF HISTORICAL FLASHBACK]
18528,61,3,17,"Marshall: Listen, what do you want me for?"
18529,61,3,17,"Barney: I've just been losing my mind lately, and do you know why I feel so bad?"
18530,61,3,17,"Marshall: Yeah, because you slept with Robin."
18531,61,3,17,"Barney: No, that was awesome. I feel bad because the Bro Code clearly states ""No s*x with your bro's ex."" But if you, my lawyer,can find a loophole somewhere, then that bad feeling will go bye-bye."
18532,61,3,17,Marshall: And you would pay me for that?
18533,61,3,17,"Barney: No, I'll just be the one shredding your paperwork. Technically, you'll be paid by a toy factory in Pyongyang."
18534,61,3,17,"Marshall: Barney, I'm no shrink, okay, but don't you see that this is just a desperate way for you to avoid an unpleasant confrontation with Ted?"
18535,61,3,17,"Barney: Hey, if I wanted a psychological evaluation, I'd hire the guy we pay to hint notize us before depositions. Now, get cracking!"
18536,61,3,17,"Ted from 2030: While Marshall examined the Bro Code, Lily's kindergarten class welcomed a special guest."
18537,61,3,17,In Lily's class
18538,61,3,17,"Lily: And with a little luck, in a few days, Farmer Frank's cold will be all gone. And that's why Farmer Frank's breath smells like medicine. Right, Farmer Frank?"
18539,61,3,17,"Frank: You got it, toots."
18540,61,3,17,Lily: Any last questions for Farmer Frank? Yes.
18541,61,3,17,Girl: Will we ever go to see Missy the Goat again?
18542,61,3,17,"Frank: Oh! Ah, isn't that sweet! Well, you know, honey, right after this, I'm gonna drop old Missy off at the butcher shop. And they're going to take a great big knife..."
18543,61,3,17,Ted from 2030: And Frank went on to traumatize Lily's entire class with a graphic explanation of where meat comes from... So not one little scrap of Missy goes to waste.
18544,61,3,17,"Girl: Ms. Aldrin, please don't let emem eat Missy."
18545,61,3,17,"Lily is going home, with... the goat."
18546,61,3,17,At the apartment
18547,61,3,17,"Lily: I know, I know. I already called an animal rescue, and they're going to come get her on Monday."
18548,61,3,17,"Ted: Monday?! Where's she going to sleep and eat and go to the bathroom?! Okay, where's she going to sleep and eat?"
18549,61,3,17,Lily: I-I guess I'll keep her up on the roof.
18550,61,3,17,"Ted: Look, call me crazy. I just... I don't think having a goat in the apartment is a good idea."
18551,61,3,17,"Ted from 2030: And, boy, was I right,because what Missy the Goat would go on to do in that bathroom was so... No, you know what? I'm m getting ahead of myself. We'll get there."
18552,61,3,17,(Robin arrives at the apartment.)
18553,61,3,17,"Robin: Hey, Ted. You ready to, um... Where'd the goat turd come from?"
18554,61,3,17,Ted: How'd you know that was a goat turd?
18555,61,3,17,"Robin: Well, it was either that, or a musk ox turd, and I figured,what the hell would a musk ox be doing in here?"
18556,61,3,17,Ted: Hey. Guess what your wife brought home.
18557,61,3,17,Marshall: Attorney-client privilege.I can't talk about it.
18558,61,3,17,Ted: Talk about what?
18559,61,3,17,"Marshall: Nothing. How was your day? Oh, goat turd on the floor,I see. Is that new?"
18560,61,3,17,Ted: How does everyone know that's a goat turd?
18561,61,3,17,Robin: Barney told you.
18562,61,3,17,"Marshall: I don't know what you're talking about,madam."
18563,61,3,17,"Robin: Marshall, you can't look me in the eye, you're blushing, coughing, and your hands are shaking."
18564,61,3,17,"Ted: Robin, come here!"
18565,61,3,17,"Robin: Ted is never finding out about this, you understand? Because it never happened, none of us are saying anything. And don't even think about opening that can until I'm out of the splash zone."
18566,61,3,17,
18567,61,3,17,In Barney's office
18568,61,3,17,(Marshall arrives.)
18569,61,3,17,"Barney: Fantastic, you're here. Give me the good news."
18570,61,3,17,Marshall: I'm sorry. You did too good of a job writing this thing. It's-it's iron-clad.
18571,61,3,17,"Barney: No! Bad lawyer! I need a loophole! I want to feel better, Marshall! I can't keep buying things! I have six self-cleaning litterboxes and I don't even have a kid. Wait. How about this? Ted's probably broken this thing himself, right? And if he's broken the Bro Code, then I'm off the hook."
18572,61,3,17,"Marshall: I thought about that. And I gotta say, Ted has upheld this thing time and time again. For example, article 87: ""A bro shall at all times say yes."""
18573,61,3,17,[FLASHBACK]
18574,61,3,17,Woman: So he saved you from an avalanche?
18575,61,3,17,Ted: Yes.
18576,61,3,17,Woman: And he carried you six miles to safety on his broken leg?
18577,61,3,17,Ted: Yes.
18578,61,3,17,Woman: And you're a pre-op transsexual nightclub singer who used to be a member of the Russian mob?
18579,61,3,17,Ted: Da.
18580,61,3,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18581,61,3,17,"Marshall: Article 29 ""A bro will in a timely manner alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight."""
18582,61,3,17,[FLASHBACK]
18583,61,3,17,"Ted: Dude, two girls are fighting at MacLaren's."
18584,61,3,17,Barney: What?!
18585,61,3,17,"Ted: Yeah, yeah. It was crazy. This one girl was like... Oh, hey."
18586,61,3,17,Barney: Hey.
18587,61,3,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18588,61,3,17,"Marshall: Article 53: ""A bro will, whenever possible, provide his bro with protection."""
18589,61,3,17,[FLASHBACK]
18590,61,3,17,Woman: That feels nice.
18591,61,3,17,Barney: Good.
18592,61,3,17,Woman: I just wish we had some wine.
18593,61,3,17,"Barney: Yeah. I wish we had some wine, too."
18594,61,3,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18595,61,3,17,"Barney: Damn it, Marshall. I'm not paying you to tell me what a saint Ted is! You're my lawyer! The answer is in there! Find it!"
18596,61,3,17,"Marshall: Okay, this isn't about the Bro Code, and you know it. The reason that you're upset is because what you did was wrong. And the only way you're ever gonna feel any better about it is if you tell Ted what you did."
18597,61,3,17,Barney: What if he never wants to talk to me again?
18598,61,3,17,"Marshall: Well, I guess that's just a chance you're gonna have to take."
18599,61,3,17,"Ted from 2030: Which brings us to April 25, 2008. My 30th birthday, or as it would come to be referred to in later years: The Day of the Goat."
18600,61,3,17,On the roof
18601,61,3,17,(Everyone has arrived for the surprise-party. They are all waiting for Barney and Ted)
18602,61,3,17,"Lily: Hey, where are you?"
18603,61,3,17,"Barney:I'm in the limo, right outside of Ted's office."
18604,61,3,17,"Lily: Great. Well, everyone's here. Stella just arrived and there is something here so awesome, I'm not going to tell you what it is, but you won't believe..."
18605,61,3,17,Barney: Goat in a party hat?
18606,61,3,17,"Lily: Damn it! Well, you still gotta see it. It's so much fun having a goat at a party!"
18607,61,3,17,"Ted from 2030: In a few short hours, Lily would come to regret those words. But we'll get there."
18608,61,3,17,"Barney:Uh, gotta go. Here he comes."
18609,61,3,17,Lily: Okay. Bye.
18610,61,3,17,(Ted climbs in)
18611,61,3,17,"Ted: Whoa, you guys went all out."
18612,61,3,17,"Lily: Okay, everyone, Ted's in the limo, five-minute warning! Everyone get ready! Oh, Missy, are you excit?? Yes, you are!"
18613,61,3,17,"Ted: Whoa, we're leaving the city. Where the hell is this party?"
18614,61,3,17,Barney: Vegas.
18615,61,3,17,Ted: Vegas? I thought the party was on the rooftop.
18616,61,3,17,"Barney: Surprise! Just a decoy, my friend."
18617,61,3,17,Ted: So there's no roof party?
18618,61,3,17,"Barney: Oh, no. There is. We're just not going. This is how good a friend I am. They want you to spent your 30th standing around drinking flat beer ten feet above your living room. But not me, bro. I pulled out all the stops. Private jet, Valderrama suite at the Bellagio. Steaks at BOA, scotch at Ghostbar, then two ringside seats to watch Floyd Mayatather go ten rounds with, wait for it... a grizzly bear!"
18619,61,3,17,"Ted: Take me home, Barney."
18620,61,3,17,"Barney: No! We have to go to Vegas. Look, Ted, I didn't want to say this, but... there's something that I have to tell you, and I wanted you to be in the best possible frame of mind before you heard it."
18621,61,3,17,Ted: You slept with Robin.
18622,61,3,17,Ranjit: You slept with Robin? Barney! That is Ted's ex-girlfriend!
18623,61,3,17,Barney: When did you find out?
18624,61,3,17,[FLASHBACK]
18625,61,3,17,"Ted: Hey, Robin. Come here!"
18626,61,3,17,Robin: What's up?
18627,61,3,17,"Ted: I was, uh, just going through some old stuff and I..."
18628,61,3,17,"Marshall: Oh, crap!"
18629,61,3,17,"Ted: Anyway, uh, I came across this."
18630,61,3,17,Robin: From my vacacation in Vermont.
18631,61,3,17,"Ted: Yeah. I don't know if you'd even want it, but if you do, it's yours."
18632,61,3,17,Robin: I slept with Barney!
18633,61,3,17,Ted: What?
18634,61,3,17,"Robin: It was just one time, it, it was the night that Simon dumped me and I was in a really vulnerable place and I, I wanted to just pretend like it never happened, but I couldn't, and... I can't. I just, I had to tell you. And... I just hope that we can still be friends."
18635,61,3,17,Ted: Of course we can still be friends.
18636,61,3,17,Robin: So you're not mad?
18637,61,3,17,"Ted: Well, I'm... it's a little weird, but, um... No, I'm not mad."
18638,61,3,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18639,61,3,17,Barney: So you're not mad?
18640,61,3,17,"Ted: No, I'm not mad. I mean, Robin and I broke up a year ago. We've, we've both dated lots of people since then. I'm with Stella now. Seriously, I...I'm fine with this."
18641,61,3,17,Barney: I'm so relieved to hear you say that.
18642,61,3,17,"Ted: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, hey, I just remembered, um, my mom is coming into town next month. Maybe you'd like to nail her, too!"
18643,61,3,17,On the roof
18644,61,3,17,Marshall: Where are they?! I'm getting a cramp.
18645,61,3,17,"Lily: Marshall, can we keep the goat?"
18646,61,3,17,Marshall: No.
18647,61,3,17,Lily: But she's so cute and furry and soft.
18648,61,3,17,"Marshall: Yeah, and she also sheds, eats out of the garbage and can't control her bobowels."
18649,61,3,17,Lily: Why don't we just call Duluth Mental Hospital and say my Uncle Linus can live with us?
18650,61,3,17,"Robin: Yeah, Lily, that may seem like a good idea after a couple of drinks but tomorrow morning you're going to want this thing out of your house."
18651,61,3,17,"Lily: Oh, you should talk.You slept with Barney."
18652,61,3,17,Robin: Marshall!
18653,61,3,17,Marshall: I'm sorry! I couldn't take it anymore.
18654,61,3,17,Lily: I can't believe you did that. That's so gross. Was it amazing?
18655,61,3,17,"Robin: What? I... Lily, I really don't want to talk about this."
18656,61,3,17,Lily: I know but it's Barney. It's just hard not to be curious. Did he have like devices and stuff?
18657,61,3,17,"Robin: Lily,come on."
18658,61,3,17,Lily: Hot wax?
18659,61,3,17,Marshall: Stop it.
18660,61,3,17,Lily: Did he tie you to anything?
18661,61,3,17,Marshall: That's enough. What's wrong with you?
18662,61,3,17,Lily: I'm sorry. Is he all smooth down there?
18663,61,3,17,In the limo
18664,61,3,17,Ted: Three billion women on the planet! Three billion! And you have to sleep with the one that I dated for a year! Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?! Robin?!
18665,61,3,17,Barney: You think I'm proud of this?! I'm horrified that this happened.
18666,61,3,17,"Ted: How did it happen? Huh? Barney, I want to know. Tell me exactly how it happened."
18667,61,3,17,Barney: You mean... what position? (They starts fighting) Stop it! Stop it!
18668,61,3,17,Ranjit: Hit him!
18669,61,3,17,Barney: Ted! Stop!
18670,61,3,17,Ranjit: Hit him!
18671,61,3,17,Barney: Stop!
18672,61,3,17,Ranjit: Hit him!
18673,61,3,17,"Barney: Okay. Okay. You're pissed. You deserve to be. Fine. You know what? One free shot. On me. Anywhere but the face. (Ted hits him where it hurts the most...) Who punches someone in the groin? Okay.Okay. I deserved that. I deserved that. But what's important now is... we're passed this whole Robin thing now, right?"
18674,61,3,17,"Ted: You think that this is just about Robin? This is about... You know, I've seen you do some bad stuff. I mean some really terrible stuff to a lot of different people. I just always thought there had to be a limit. I always thought I was the limit. You're always spouting off these rules for bros. Isn't one of them, ""don't do this""?"
18675,61,3,17,"Barney: Yeah. And I broke it. I'm sorry. But, Ted...seriously, this suite at the Bellagio..."
18676,61,3,17,"Ted: I am not going to Vegas with you! I'm not going to blow off my friends and my girlfriend, and spend my 30th birthday in a strip club. The fact that you think I would... You know, Barney,earlier this week I started putting things in a box and that box was labeled ""stuff I have no use for anymore."""
18677,61,3,17,Barney: What does that mean?
18678,61,3,17,Ted: It means... maybe you belong in that box.
18679,61,3,17,Barney: Are you saying you don't want to be bros anymore?
18680,61,3,17,Ted: I'm saying I don't want to be friends anymore.
18681,61,3,17,"Barney: Okay, I'm going to stop you right there, because it seems like you're about to say something that's going to pretty much ruin Vegas."
18682,61,3,17,"Ted: Ranjit, stop the car. I'm getting a cab."
18683,61,3,17,Ted finally arrives at the apartment and goes up to the roof.
18684,61,3,17,Everyone: Surprise!
18685,61,3,17,"Ted from 2030: Oh, right, the goat. So funny.You're going to love this. So later in that night, the goat locked himself in the bathroom and was eating one of Robin's washcloths and wait, hold on. Robin wasn't living here on my 30th birthday. When did this happen? Oh, wait, the goat was there on my 31st birthday. Sorry, I totally got that wrong."
18686,62,3,18,[Title: The Year 2030]
18687,62,3,18,"Narrator: Now kids, the spring of 2008 was a complicated time in your old man's life. (Cut to when Ted and Barney was in the limo) The last time I had seen Barney was shortly after I found out he has spent the night with Robin."
18688,62,3,18,[The Year 2008 - Flashback](Barney and Ted are in the limo)
18689,62,3,18,Barney: Are you saying you don't wanna be bros anymore?
18690,62,3,18,Ted: I'm saying I don't wanna be friends anymore.
18691,62,3,18,[End Flashback]
18692,62,3,18,[The Bar - Lily/Marshall/Robin/Ted]
18693,62,3,18,(Ted's phone rings)
18694,62,3,18,"Ted: It's Barney. (To Barney, in the phone) Dude, seriously you need to stop calling me."
18695,62,3,18,"Barney (he is at work, in the phone): Ted, I'm sorry, I haven't returned your calls."
18696,62,3,18,"Ted: (in the phone) Yeah I never called you, you called me fifteen times and my parents twice."
18697,62,3,18,"Barney: I'm sorry, I gotta let you go. It's just too many good wingmen out there. Ted are you crying?"
18698,62,3,18,Ted: No I'm not.
18699,62,3,18,"Barney: Sh! Let it out, let it out."
18700,62,3,18,Ted: Goodbye Barney. (He hangs up)
18701,62,3,18,Lily: So are you two back together?
18702,62,3,18,Ted: No.
18703,62,3,18,"Marshall: I miss Barney. I haven't ""high five"" with anyone like a week. I think I might be starting to lose my fist bone careless."
18704,62,3,18,Robin: Let me ask you something Ted. Why are you so much madder at Barney than me?
18705,62,3,18,Lily: Yeah! She had just as much s*x with Barney as Barney had with her.
18706,62,3,18,Robin: You know what? I'm not sure that's true. I think I actually prefered if you are mad at me. This is too weird.
18707,62,3,18,Ted: I'm not mad at anybody. I've forgiven you. And I've outgrown Barney as a friend. It's that's simple.
18708,62,3,18,Lily: I will tell you why he is not mad. Because he is so happy with Stella.
18709,62,3,18,"Narrator: She was right. (We see videos of Stella and Ted) Stella and I had been dating for two months. And things were going really well. (Stella, Ted and his friends are playing) She had mat my friend in past for flying colors. There was just one little problem."
18710,62,3,18,[The Apartment - Ted/Lily/Mashall]
18711,62,3,18,"Lily: You guys haven't had s*x yet!!?? When Marshall and I were two months, we were doing it 24/7."
18712,62,3,18,"Ted: I know, I was in the top bunk. Also sat next to you at football games."
18713,62,3,18,Lily: So what you guys waiting for?
18714,62,3,18,"Ted: I think she wants to make sure we are serious first, that's why she hasn't introduced me to her daughter either. She wants to take things slow."
18715,62,3,18,"Marshall: Wait, so you haven't had s*x since like Thanksgiving. Do you know how many big federal holidays have come and gone since then."
18716,62,3,18,"Lily: Oh baby, do you remember Martin Luther King day?"
18717,62,3,18,"Marshall: Yeah, I do. We ode that dude big time."
18718,62,3,18,"Ted: Look, I'm crazy about this girl, if waiting is what it takes, then I'm fine with that. And totally unrelated note. Does anybody have gamma icer or a piece of bark that you are not chewing?"
18719,62,3,18,[Barney's Office - Barney/Randy]
18720,62,3,18,"Randy: Hey Barney, new sky mall come in. So worldaround blog's fear is you are looking for a new wingman. I wanna let you know, I'm available. Just the say the word, or don't even say the word. Just do something with you eyebrow. Was that it?"
18721,62,3,18,"Barney: No offence Randy, but there is a long list of candidats for this slot. This slot is for vice president of awesome. And you are like assistant under secretary of only ok."
18722,62,3,18,"Randy: Assistant under secretary of only ok. Thank you, I will not let you down."
18723,62,3,18,Narrator: So uncle Barney began to search for a new wingman.
18724,62,3,18,"Barney: (in the phone) Pitt, Barney Stinson!"
18725,62,3,18,"Pitt: Hey! I haven't been calling you, it has been a while."
18726,62,3,18,"Barney: Yeah. Yeah. So, listen you should meet me in McLaren's tonight."
18727,62,3,18,Pitt: You never gonna believe this. I'm at the hospital. Just had a baby daughter.
18728,62,3,18,Barney: So what do you think? 9:30 or 10 o'clock? (They both hang up)
18729,62,3,18,"Barney: Starry Porten, Barney Stinson."
18730,62,3,18,"Starry: What up, chef?"
18731,62,3,18,"Barney: I need a new bro, what do you say?"
18732,62,3,18,"Starry: Dude, I'do love to but now I'm bro with Duck Stan."
18733,62,3,18,"Barney: Oh, I understand. Duck Stan is a good bro. I'm happy for you. Best of luck. (He hangs up)"
18734,62,3,18,Barney: Crazy Willie! Barney Stinson.
18735,62,3,18,"Willie: What up B dog, long time no bro, so are we gonna tire it up tonight or what?"
18736,62,3,18,Barney: Yes finally!
18737,62,3,18,"Willie: Here is what on the rocket tocket. My wife is gonna put the cheese out at seven, scrabble at 8:00 PM, 9 PM we watch 27 dresses, everybody's home by 11:00. Booya! (Barney hangs up and he remakes a phone call to Willie)"
18738,62,3,18,Willie: Hello?
18739,62,3,18,Barney: Hanging up on you once wasn't enough. (And then Barney hangs up)
18740,62,3,18,[Stella's Office - Stella/Ted]
18741,62,3,18,(During the break lunch...)
18742,62,3,18,"Stella: So I lanced this thing on this guy's back, and I'll be honest with you, I didn't even know what it was, and then it exploded like a volcano. Plus everywhere."
18743,62,3,18,"Ted: Let's have s*x. Right now, I'll lock the door."
18744,62,3,18,"Stella: Oh, there is no lock on that door."
18745,62,3,18,"Ted: We can do it against the door. It'll be hot! It'll be like a three-way: you, me and the door."
18746,62,3,18,"Stella: Yeah, but then it's just gonna be weird between me and the door tomorrow."
18747,62,3,18,Ted: I'm sorry. We're waiting. It's cool.
18748,62,3,18,Stella: You've been so patient Ted. The truth is... I'm kind of nervous. I have a confession to make.
18749,62,3,18,Ted: I was afraid of this. You're 14.
18750,62,3,18,"Stella: No, um... it's kind of embarrassing, but it's been a while since I was intimate with anyone."
18751,62,3,18,Ted: Wow. It's funny that you say that. Me too.
18752,62,3,18,Stella: Really? How long it's been for you?
18753,62,3,18,Ted: It's been a while.
18754,62,3,18,Stella: Tell me.
18755,62,3,18,(Ted shows 5 with his fingers)
18756,62,3,18,Stella: Me too!
18757,62,3,18,Ted: It's been five months for you too?
18758,62,3,18,[The Apartment - Ted/Robin/Marshall/Lily]
18759,62,3,18,All (except Ted): Five years!!??
18760,62,3,18,"[""How I Met Your Mother"", credits]"
18761,62,3,18,[The Apartment - Ted/Robin/Marshall/Lily]
18762,62,3,18,"Marshall: Wow. Stella hasn't had s*x since 2003. Let's just put this in context. The last time Stella had s*x, the movie, Seabiscuit, had just galloped into the theaters... and our hearts."
18763,62,3,18,"Lily: Five years! God, if I even went one year, I would be out on the street selling it for a nickel."
18764,62,3,18,"Marshall: The last time Stella had s*x, the world was just learning about SARS."
18765,62,3,18,"Robin: Well, Ted, what else did she said? Did she gave you any kind of explanation?"
18766,62,3,18,[Flashback - Ted/Stella]
18767,62,3,18,"Stella: Look, after Lucy was born, I dated a little, but it was hard to find a guy I could trust enough. Sooner or later, every one of them gave me a reason not to."
18768,62,3,18,Ted: But nobody in five years?
18769,62,3,18,"Stella: Look, Ted, guys regret the girls they didn't sleep with. Girls regret the guys they do sleep with. And for the past five years, I've had no regrets. Ted, you're staring at my boobs."
18770,62,3,18,"Ted: In my defense, they were staring at me."
18771,62,3,18,[End Flashback]
18772,62,3,18,Lily: So what does this mean for you? Is she ever wanna want to get intimate?
18773,62,3,18,Ted: Actually...
18774,62,3,18,[Flashback - Ted/Stella]
18775,62,3,18,"Stella: But the truth is, I really do want to do this with you. I don't think I'd regret it at all."
18776,62,3,18,Ted: Your pillow talk's a little rusty.
18777,62,3,18,"Stella: You know what I mean Ted, I'm ready."
18778,62,3,18,"Ted: That's great. Like ""right now"" ready? (She laughs)"
18779,62,3,18,[End Flashback]
18780,62,3,18,"Ted: So, her sister's driving up to baby-sit Lucy, and we're getting a hotel room in the city Saturday night."
18781,62,3,18,"Marshall: The last time Stella had s*x, The Da Vinci Code had just come out."
18782,62,3,18,Robin: Well that's doesn't seem like that long ago.
18783,62,3,18,"Marshall: Not the movie, the book."
18784,62,3,18,Robin: Wow.
18785,62,3,18,"Ted: It's a lot of pressure, isn't it?"
18786,62,3,18,Lily: You know what? It's not. This woman needs it bad. Anything you do is going to be fireworks. I remember my longest drought...
18787,62,3,18,[Flashback - Lily in San Francisco]
18788,62,3,18,Lily: (V.O.) It was that summer I lived in San Francisco. I hadn't had been with Marshall since two months and 19 days. (There is a shock. And Lily likes the sensation which that gets her.)
18789,62,3,18,[End Flashback]
18790,62,3,18,"Lily: Oh, San Francisco!"
18791,62,3,18,"Ted: I don't know Lily, after five years, her expectations have gotta be pretty high."
18792,62,3,18,Marshall (watching on Internet): Notable deaths in 2003... Oh my God... Nell Carter. Did you guys know that Nell Carter had died?
18793,62,3,18,Ted: I really gonna have to bring my A-game to satisfy this woman.
18794,62,3,18,"Robin: Yeah, it'll be pretty hard now that she's dead."
18795,62,3,18,Ted: Not Nell Carter... Stella.
18796,62,3,18,"Marshall: Dude, relax, it's all about expectations management. Do you know why I hated Jerry Maguire so much?"
18797,62,3,18,Ted: Because you're dead inside?
18798,62,3,18,"Marshall: No, because you built it up for, like, two weeks, saying it was the greatest movie ever. With Stella, do the opposite: lower expectations."
18799,62,3,18,"Ted: Right, right, and then no matter what happens, she'll be happy."
18800,62,3,18,"(Marshall's phone rings, he picks up the phone)"
18801,62,3,18,"Marshall (in the phone): Hey, buddy. I'm married, Barney, I cannot be your new wingman. (Marshall hangs up, then Robin's phone rings, she picks up the phone and say directly...)"
18802,62,3,18,Robin: No. (And hangs up)
18803,62,3,18,
18804,62,3,18,[Barney's Office - Barney] (He sees Randy in the lane)
18805,62,3,18,"Barney: Hey, Randy. Could you come here for a minute? (Randy releases a box. And comes in Barney's office by running) Good news. I'm calling you up to the majors. Starting tomorrow night, how would you like to be my new wingman?"
18806,62,3,18,"Randy: Uh... Just need to check my calendar. Be right back. (Then he goes in the lane, and dances. He comes back.) Tomorrow works."
18807,62,3,18,[Stella's Office - Ted/Stella]
18808,62,3,18,Ted: I have a surprise appetizer for us today. Check it out. Potato skins.
18809,62,3,18,Stella: Fancy?
18810,62,3,18,"Ted: Yeah. Right? God, it's been forever since I had potato skins. I remember them as being pretty much the most delicious things ever. (He eats the potato skin) Huh. That's surprising."
18811,62,3,18,Stella: What?
18812,62,3,18,"Ted: This potato skin. It's good but not nearly as good as I'd built it up to be in my head. Even though potato skin performed admirably, and is a totally respectable size... I couldn't enjoy it because of my own unrealistic expectations."
18813,62,3,18,"Stella: Hmm, Ted, I see what you're doing. You're trying to lower my expectations for tonight. Is this a lengh thing?"
18814,62,3,18,Ted: No.
18815,62,3,18,Stella: Quick on the draw?
18816,62,3,18,Ted: No.
18817,62,3,18,Stella: Unexpected number of testicules?
18818,62,3,18,"Ted: No. It's just that this is a big deal for you. I mean, it's like your virginity: the sequel. (She laughs)"
18819,62,3,18,Stella: Virginity 2: Eletric Boogaloo?
18820,62,3,18,"Ted: Exactly, and I don't want to mess it up. I don't want you to ever wonder if was worth it."
18821,62,3,18,"Stella: Oh Ted, of course it's gonna be worth it. Stop worrying. It's you and me. It already has everything it needs. (They kiss each other)"
18822,62,3,18,"Ted: ""Unexpected number of testicules?"""
18823,62,3,18,Stella: It happens. I knew a guy in med school... we used to joke that we was one ball away from getting walked. (They laugh)
18824,62,3,18,[The Bar - Barney]
18825,62,3,18,(Randy comes in.)
18826,62,3,18,Barney: Hey.
18827,62,3,18,Randy: What up bro-seph Lieberman?
18828,62,3,18,"Barney: No, uh-uh. Randy, we never use the word ""bro"" in the name of a failed Democratic vice presidential candidate."
18829,62,3,18,"Randy: (He takes out his memo pad) Goodbye ""Geraldine Ferrar-bro""."
18830,62,3,18,"Barney: You know what? I'm excited about this, Randy. You will be my next masterpiece. It's like with Ted. When I first met him, he was an even bigger loser than you."
18831,62,3,18,Randy: What a loser.
18832,62,3,18,"Barney: But tonight, I'm going to make you the greatest wingman in the history of wingmen."
18833,62,3,18,"Randy: Oh, it's gonna be easier than you think, bro. Yeah. I've been reading your blog for years. You are like a God to me. That's why tonight is going to be legendary... wait for it... dary."
18834,62,3,18,"Barney: Oh, okay, Randy, let's do this. (Barney wants to pick up two young woman)"
18835,62,3,18,Randy: Ok.
18836,62,3,18,Barney: You ready?
18837,62,3,18,"Randy: Yes. (Barney starts walking and Randy holds Barney by the arm) No, no, no, no, no, no!"
18838,62,3,18,Barney: What? What's the matter?
18839,62,3,18,"Randy: Nothing, let's do this. (Barney starts walking and Randy holds Barney by the arm) No, no, no, no, no, please, please, please! Just wait, just wait, just wait, just wait!"
18840,62,3,18,Barney: Randy what are you doing?
18841,62,3,18,"Randy: Dripping with game, that's what i'm doing. Okay let's go. No. Yes. No! Randy listen to me: you can do this okay? Ok. I don't know. Are thos girls really that hot? Yes, they're hot. Let's do this. Okay!"
18842,62,3,18,"Barney: (Finally Randy is ready, so Barney goes talking to the girls) Hey, laddies. Have you met... (He points the finger towards Randy and turns around. But Randy hid under a table.)"
18843,62,3,18,[The Apartment - Ted]
18844,62,3,18,(Somebody knocks at the door. He opens. It is Stella)
18845,62,3,18,Ted: Hey.
18846,62,3,18,Stella: Hey.
18847,62,3,18,(She comes in the apartment and Ted kiss her)
18848,62,3,18,"Ted: So, here's the plan. Take a horse-drawn carriage through the park, and it just so happens the Philharmonic is playing an open-air..."
18849,62,3,18,Stella: Ted. Five years.
18850,62,3,18,Ted: Straight to the hotel?
18851,62,3,18,Stella: Straight to the hotel.
18852,62,3,18,Ted: I'll get my bag. (Ted go to his bedroom)
18853,62,3,18,(Marshall and Lily come in the apartment)
18854,62,3,18,"Stella: Hey, guys."
18855,62,3,18,Lily: Hey.
18856,62,3,18,"Marshall: Hey. So, uh, looking forward to tonight?"
18857,62,3,18,Stella: Yeah. Definitly. It's been such a long time since I've had a night out.
18858,62,3,18,"Lily: Yeah. We heard. I would explode if it had been that long since I had a ""night out""."
18859,62,3,18,Marshall: This one wakes me up at 4am sometimes just to have a little night out.
18860,62,3,18,"Stella: Um, what are you guys talking about?"
18861,62,3,18,Lily: Nothing. Pizza. What are you talking about?
18862,62,3,18,(Ted comes back)
18863,62,3,18,Ted: Hey guys.
18864,62,3,18,"Stella: Ted, you told them, didn't you?"
18865,62,3,18,Ted: Told them what?
18866,62,3,18,Stella: You told them that I haven't had s*x in five years. (She seems embarrassing)
18867,62,3,18,Marshall: You haven't had s*x in five years??!! That is a shocking revelation that we're just finding out right now!
18868,62,3,18,(Marshall and Lily are not any more there. Ted and Stella are alone.)
18869,62,3,18,"Ted: Stella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told them. But they're my best friends. I tell them everything. I-I didn't even think about it."
18870,62,3,18,"Stella: Ted, that was so personal. Plus, now your friends think I'm a freak."
18871,62,3,18,"Ted: No, they don't."
18872,62,3,18,"Stella: Look, I realize it's weird, okay? Not many people go five years without having s*x."
18873,62,3,18,[The Bar - Barney/Randy]
18874,62,3,18,Barney: 13 years??!!
18875,62,3,18,Randy: I peaked really young.
18876,62,3,18,[The Apartment - Ted/Stella]
18877,62,3,18,Stella: That's why it was difficult for me to tell you. But I did tell you because I thought that I could trust you.
18878,62,3,18,Ted: You can trust me.
18879,62,3,18,"Stella: Obviously, I can't. You know there's always a reason not to sleep with a guy, and you just gave me yours."
18880,62,3,18,"Ted: Wait, did I gave you a reason or were you looking for one?"
18881,63,3,19,"Ted from 2030: Kids, in the spring of 2008 something kind of strange have been happening to your uncle Barney. He's been doing great with a woman."
18882,63,3,19,At the Bar
18883,63,3,19,"Barney: So I threw the pressure air oxygen into its mouth. I shoot the tank, boo, nomore shark. Mr. Hall and I swam back to shore. Hey,let me serve you a drink."
18884,63,3,19,Ted from 2030: He's only been gone a few moments but when he return...
18885,63,3,19,Barney: So where were we?
18886,63,3,19,Ted from 2030:...he gets slap! It kept happening...
18887,63,3,19,(The woman slaps him.)
18888,63,3,19,Woman: Jerk!
18889,63,3,19,[FLASHBACK]
18890,63,3,19,"A woman slaps Barney, at a pet shop, then at the museum, and at the hardware store."
18891,63,3,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18892,63,3,19,Ted from 2030: Until finally Lily was approached by a mysterious woman who wants her stay away from Barney...so when it happened once more...
18893,63,3,19,Barney: Again? Really? Wait...
18894,63,3,19,Ted from 2030: Barney knew who to look for...
18895,63,3,19,"Barney: Hey, excuse me. Did I sleep with you and then totally screw you over?"
18896,63,3,19,Woman: No.
18897,63,3,19,Barney: What are you doing on Friday?
18898,63,3,19,"(He runs after another woman, who just climbed into a cab.)"
18899,63,3,19,Barney: Stop! Amy?
18900,63,3,19,Abby: Abby.
18901,63,3,19,Barney: Riiiggghhhttt!!!
18902,63,3,19,[OPENING CREDITS]
18903,63,3,19,"Ted from 2030: Kids, sometimes you can do something right a thousand times in a row..."
18904,63,3,19,In Lily's class
18905,63,3,19,Lily: A rainbow! That's beautiful! What a beautiful rainbow! Another rainbow? It's beautiful!
18906,63,3,19,"Ted from 2030: But then, that thousand-and-first time..."
18907,63,3,19,"Lily: You're kidding me. Seriously, aren't you sick of these things?"
18908,63,3,19,At the appartment
18909,63,3,19,"Ted: Hey, how was your day?"
18910,63,3,19,"Lily: Today, I yelled at a little girl for painting a rainbow."
18911,63,3,19,Ted: A rainbow? Sounds like that bitch had it coming.
18912,63,3,19,(Marshall arrives)
18913,63,3,19,"Marshall: So, uh, I just met with the contractor. and it turns out, that fixing the floors of the new apartment is going to cost a lot more than the estimate."
18914,63,3,19,Lily: But we can barely afford that to begin with.
18915,63,3,19,"Marshall: I hate to say this, but I think you're going to have to sell your stuff."
18916,63,3,19,"Lily: Whoa! Marshall, that's just a game we play in the bedroom."
18917,63,3,19,Marshall: I mean your clothes. All those designer pieces and everything.
18918,63,3,19,Lily: What? Why just my clothes?
18919,63,3,19,"Marshall: We can sell my stuff, too, but I got to tell you, I think your Marc Jacobs cocktail dress is going to go for a lot more than my ""Split Happens"" bowling shirt."
18920,63,3,19,Ted: Dude.
18921,63,3,19,Marshall: I'm not selling that. I've already made the Website.
18922,63,3,19,Lily: You made a Website?
18923,63,3,19,"Marshall: Yeah, it's called ""Lily-and-Marshall-sell- their-stuff-dot-com."""
18924,63,3,19,"Lily: No, you know what would be a better name for the site? Guy-forces-his-wife- to-dress-in-a-garbage-bag- for-the-next- three-years-dot-com. That's real."
18925,63,3,19,Marshall: I'm worried. That woman is actually wearing a-a garbage bag.
18926,63,3,19,"Lily: Hmm, but, girlfriend, you cannot pull off a tall kitchen."
18927,63,3,19,In the cab
18928,63,3,19,Barney: Why are you trying to ruin my life?
18929,63,3,19,"Abby: Well, you slept with me and then you never called me again."
18930,63,3,19,Barney: And?
18931,63,3,19,Abby: That's it.
18932,63,3,19,"Barney: That's it? As far as I'm concerned, if I leave you safe on dry land with adequate transportation home, you've got nothing to complain about."
18933,63,3,19,"Abby: Well, it hurt, okay? And then Ted, the love of my life started dating my boss instead of me. Do you know how that feels?"
18934,63,3,19,"Barney: Oh, boo-hoo, poor little Ashley."
18935,63,3,19,Abby: Abby!
18936,63,3,19,"Barney: Abby. A few weeks ago, Ted dumped me as his wingman. You had a crush on him for a couple weeks? I was Ted's best friend for seven years."
18937,63,3,19,Abby: Ted said Marshall was his best friend.
18938,63,3,19,Barney: Seven years!
18939,63,3,19,Abby: Sorry.
18940,63,3,19,"Barney: Ted. What an idiot. With his stupid ""meaningful relationship"" with Stella."
18941,63,3,19,Abby: I hate Ted.
18942,63,3,19,Barney: I hate Ted more.
18943,63,3,19,Abby: Are you as turned on as I am?
18944,63,3,19,Barney: Probably not quite as much.
18945,63,3,19,"(Later, they are both in bed...)"
18946,63,3,19,"Abby: I'm sorry I yelled out ""Ted."""
18947,63,3,19,"Barney: I'm sorry I yelled out ""Abby."""
18948,63,3,19,Abby: I am Abby.
18949,63,3,19,"Barney: Oh, cool."
18950,63,3,19,At the apartment
18951,63,3,19,Ted: This is insane. Has Lily even worn half this stuff?
18952,63,3,19,"Robin: Oh, yeah, like there's nothing in your closet you've never worn?"
18953,63,3,19,"Ted: As a matter of fact, no, there isn't."
18954,63,3,19,"Robin: Whatever, red cowboy boots."
18955,63,3,19,Ted: Those are nice boots. I totally pull those off.
18956,63,3,19,"Marshall: Hey, Lil, if I were to say ""Ted could never pull them off,"" What would I be talking about?"
18957,63,3,19,Robin: His red cowboy boots.
18958,63,3,19,Ted: I totally pull them off! It's a classic Western look.
18959,63,3,19,"Marshall: Oh, okay, uh, today's category: classic Westerns that involve red cowboy boots. Ooh, ooh! Robin."
18960,63,3,19,"Robin: ""The Good, the Bad, and the Fabulous."""
18961,63,3,19,"Lily: ""The Magnificent Kevin."""
18962,63,3,19,"Marshall: ""No Country for Straight Men."""
18963,63,3,19,Lily: I don't want to sell my clothes!
18964,63,3,19,"Robin: Oh, I know, sweetie. Come here. Is this a hundred percent silk?"
18965,63,3,19,"Marshall: Lily,listen, we really need the money. I have some leads on a job, but until then, I just... I don't know what else we can do."
18966,63,3,19,Lily: I'll sell my paintings!
18967,63,3,19,Marshall: What?
18968,63,3,19,"Lily: Yeah, I'll sell my paintings. Good oil paintings go for like, $500."
18969,63,3,19,Marshall: Yeah. Totally. But...
18970,63,3,19,"Ted from 2030: Kids, sometimes you can do something right a thousand times in a row..."
18971,63,3,19,[FLASHBACK]
18972,63,3,19,Lily shows her paintings to Marshall)
18973,63,3,19,Marshall: I love it. It's a masterpiece. That's it. We're selling the TV. I just want to come home and stare at this all day. Aw. Somebody call the cops! My wife stole an awesome painting from the museum!
18974,63,3,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
18975,63,3,19,"Ted from 2030: But then, that thousand-and-first time..."
18976,63,3,19,Marshall:...that kind of money only goes for real paintings.
18977,63,3,19,Lily: What does that mean?
18978,63,3,19,"Marshall: Look, it just, it just means that-that we need money right now and I'm not sure that selling your paintings is-is how we're going to get it."
18979,63,3,19,Lily: You don't believe in me.
18980,63,3,19,"Marshall: No, wait, wait! Of c... of course I believe in you!"
18981,63,3,19,"Lily: Marshall, I am proud of my work as an artist. My paintings are good. I bet Robin would buy one. What now?"
18982,63,3,19,"Marshall: I love your painting, I just... I'm trying to be realistic."
18983,63,3,19,"Lily: Well, how much money do we need for the contractor to finish the job?"
18984,63,3,19,"Marshall: About 1,500 bucks."
18985,63,3,19,"Lily: Okay. So, if I can sell three of my paintings at 500 bucks a pop, then I get to keep all my clothes."
18986,63,3,19,"Marshall: Babe, we need money fast."
18987,63,3,19,"Lily: Well, give me a week."
18988,63,3,19,"Marshall: Okay, a-a week."
18989,63,3,19,Lily: Fine.
18990,63,3,19,Marshall: Fine.
18991,63,3,19,"(Ted comes out of his room, with the red boots on.)"
18992,63,3,19,Ted: Pulling... Them... Off.
18993,63,3,19,Ted from 2030: Lily's first move on a great art challenge of 2008 was to display one of her favorite paintings at her friend's gallery. The night didn't go so well. But then at the last minute...
18994,63,3,19,Woman: I love it.
18995,63,3,19,Lily: You do?
18996,63,3,19,"Woman: Yeah, your top. It's gorgeous. Is that 100% silk?"
18997,63,3,19,Lily: It's not for sale! My clothes are not for sale!
18998,63,3,19,"Ted from 2030: So the next day, Lily took her painting to a coffee house that displayed local artists."
18999,63,3,19,Lily: We've been sitting here for hours and nobody's even glanced at my painting. Come on. Let's start talking it up.
19000,63,3,19,Robin: Wow! I really like that painting! It's neat! The-the colors are neat. The-the shapes are neat. It's really just... neat. What?
19001,63,3,19,"Ted: Observe. I think there's a dynamic quality to the brushwork that, combined with the fluid composition, creates an almost Kandinsky-like emotional resonance."
19002,63,3,19,"Robin: Yes, and you can still enjoy it even if you're not a pretentious douche."
19003,63,3,19,"Ted: Can you clarify something for me about your critique? Are the colors ""neat"" or are they more ""neato burrito?"""
19004,63,3,19,"Robin: Uh, then again, red cowboy boots."
19005,63,3,19,Ted: I pull these off! (Everyone is laughing at him) I pull these off!
19006,63,3,19,In bed...
19007,63,3,19,Abby: You know what I hate most about Ted?
19008,63,3,19,Barney: What?
19009,63,3,19,"Abby: His stupid hair. His stupid, lame awesome hair. It's so stupid and awesome."
19010,63,3,19,Barney: You know what I hate most about Ted?
19011,63,3,19,Abby: What?
19012,63,3,19,"Barney: How he's always like, ""Oh, I want to fall in love and have a relationship. I care about the people I have s*x with."" He's so lame."
19013,63,3,19,Abby: He's so lame and awesome.
19014,63,3,19,Barney: You know what he needs? He needs to see just how horrible he is when he's in a relationship.
19015,63,3,19,"Abby: Yeah, and I need to show Ted that I'm over him. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
19016,63,3,19,Barney: I think so.
19017,63,3,19,Abby: You're thinking of having s*x with Ted?
19018,63,3,19,"Ted from 2030: After four days without selling a single painting, Lily was getting desperate."
19019,63,3,19,In the street
19020,63,3,19,Lily: Painting for sale! $500! Lifelong dream hanging in the balance! It's like they don't even see us.
19021,63,3,19,"Man: Yeah, we're dirt to them. What do you need money for?"
19022,63,3,19,"Lily: Oh, I'm trying to fix the hardwood floors in my new apartment. You?"
19023,63,3,19,Man: Heroin.
19024,63,3,19,Lily: Do you like heroin?
19025,63,3,19,"Man: Love it. In fact, if you sell that, I'm going to take your money and go buy some more heroin."
19026,63,3,19,"Lily: Thanks for your honesty, Crazy Sock Guy. Oh, I'm never gonna sell this..."
19027,63,3,19,Man: It's not very good.
19028,63,3,19,"Ted from 2030: And just as she was about to lose all hope, something amazing happened."
19029,63,3,19,"Man: 2 Oh, my God!"
19030,63,3,19,At the Bar
19031,63,3,19,(Lily arrives)
19032,63,3,19,"Lily: 500 bucks! Who's a real painter now, Marshall?"
19033,63,3,19,"Marshall: Honey, I never said you weren't a real painter."
19034,63,3,19,"Lily: Oh, I know, sweetie. And since I'm a professional artist now, I'm going to sketch you an Aldrin original, you know, to say thanks for being such a supportive husband. I'm thinking about calling it... ""Suck It!"""
19035,63,3,19,"Marshall: Lily, come on. I'm proud of you. Who-who bought it?"
19036,63,3,19,"Lily: Well, that's the best part. A gay couple without kids. A G-CWOK!"
19037,63,3,19,Ted: You bagged a G-CWOK?!
19038,63,3,19,"Lily: Yeah, that's right. They are the heart and soul of the art-buying community."
19039,63,3,19,Ted: You know what you should do? You should call up the G-CWOKs and offer them a free painting if they throw a private art party for all their G-CWOK friends.
19040,63,3,19,"Lily: That's an amazing idea. I'm going to go call them. I can probably sell two more paintings with time to spare. Oh, wait, Marshall. There was something I had to tell you. What was it? Oh, that's right. Suck it."
19041,63,3,19,
19042,63,3,19,(Barney and Abby arrives as Lily is leaving)
19043,63,3,19,"Barney: Ted, fancy bumping into you here. Have you guys met my girlfriend Abby?"
19044,63,3,19,"Ted: Uh, yeah."
19045,63,3,19,"Barney: Hi, Abby."
19046,63,3,19,"Ted: Hello, Abby. So, uh, s-so you guys are dating now?"
19047,63,3,19,"Barney: That's right. I am done with this whole being awesome thing. Now I'm all about farmers' markets and day hikes in matching khaki cargo shorts. Isn't that right, sweetie?"
19048,63,3,19,"Abby: That's right. And girlfriends are lame. Unless they're me. I miss you, Ted."
19049,63,3,19,"Barney: Abby and I are in love. Not hot passionate love. Couple love. You know, movie night with my girlfriend, then waiting for her to go to bed so I can steal one pitiful moment of hollow ecstasy by the cold, blue light of my computer monitor."
19050,63,3,19,Abby: We're showing Ted how lame he is.
19051,63,3,19,"Barney: You don't have to say it, though."
19052,63,3,19,"Ted: Uh, okay, Barney, you can stop."
19053,63,3,19,"Barney: Stop what, Ted? Stop being in love? Next he'll ask us to stop breathing."
19054,63,3,19,"Abby: We can't stop breathing, Ted. Your hair looks amazing."
19055,63,3,19,"Ted: Um, Barney, I, I see what you're doing. Please stop."
19056,63,3,19,"Barney: Not before I share with you what being in a relationship leads to, Ted. Abby, Pookie Bear... I am so pathetically desperate for you that... aw, heck, I'll just say it. Would you marry me?"
19057,63,3,19,"Abby: Wait, really?"
19058,63,3,19,Barney: I would never joke about true love.
19059,63,3,19,"Abby: Yes, I'll marry you."
19060,63,3,19,Barney: Okay.
19061,63,3,19,"Abby: Thank you, thank you. I have to call my mom."
19062,63,3,19,Barney: That's you.
19063,63,3,19,"Ted: Uh, yeah, I don't think Abby knows you're kidding."
19064,63,3,19,"Barney: Uh, yes, she does."
19065,63,3,19,"Abby: It finally happened, Mama. I just wish Daddy were alive to walk me down the aisle."
19066,63,3,19,Barney: Totally committed to the bit.
19067,63,3,19,Lily's on the phone
19068,63,3,19,"Lily: Yes, Lily Aldrin. I sold you the painting earlier today."
19069,63,3,19,"Man 2: Oh, honey, hello."
19070,63,3,19,Lily: You sound happy.
19071,63,3,19,Man 2: Are you kidding? We're popping the champagne right now.
19072,63,3,19,"Lily: Well, I just wanted to offer you an exclusive chance to view some of my other paintings."
19073,63,3,19,"Man 2: Oh, honey, oh, sweetie, oh, I guess I should have told you. We just bought that for the frame."
19074,63,3,19,Lily: What?
19075,63,3,19,"Man 2: Yeah, it's an original Anton Kreutzer, a very rare frame from the turn of the century."
19076,63,3,19,Lily: So... y-you didn't like my painting?
19077,63,3,19,"Man 2: Oh, honey, oh, sweetie, no, not at all. But you know, good for you."
19078,63,3,19,"Lily: Okay. Well, if you didn't want the painting, can I... can I at least get it back?"
19079,63,3,19,"Man 2: Yeah, no, we don't have it anymore."
19080,63,3,19,Lily: Where is it? I see. H-He threw out my painting.
19081,63,3,19,"Man 2: Champagne for everyone on me, the happiest guy in the world."
19082,63,3,19,At the apartment
19083,63,3,19,"Lily: This is great. My dream of becoming an artist is dead, and now I'm watching my wardrobe disappear piece by piece. There goes my favorite dress. This dress meant a lot to me."
19084,63,3,19,Robin: Really?
19085,63,3,19,Lily: Yeah. It was spring of 2004 and I had been having a hard few months.
19086,63,3,19,[FLSHBACK]
19087,63,3,19,"Lily is walking up the street, a man looks at her."
19088,63,3,19,Man: Da-amn.
19089,63,3,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
19090,63,3,19,"Lily: I got a two-syllable ""damn"" in this dress."
19091,63,3,19,"Robin: A two-syllable ""damn."" That's the dream."
19092,63,3,19,Lily: Yeah. Now she belongs to...  e CanadaGirl@MetroNewsOne.com e .
19093,63,3,19,Robin: It's still in the family.
19094,63,3,19,(Marshall and Ted arrive)
19095,63,3,19,"Marshall: Lily, you're not going to believe this. Something amazing happened."
19096,63,3,19,Lily: What?
19097,63,3,19,Marshall: I went to the G-CWOK's apartment.
19098,63,3,19,Lily: Really? Why?
19099,63,3,19,Marshall: Because I felt guilty. This auction was my idea and now you've had to sit around all day while a bunch of vultures ruthlessly pick apart the carcass of your wardrobe.
19100,63,3,19,Robin: It's still in the family.
19101,63,3,19,"Marshall: And more importantly, I honestly love that painting and I couldn't stand to think of it in a trashcan someplace."
19102,63,3,19,"Lily: Well, what happened?"
19103,63,3,19,[FLASHBACK]
19104,63,3,19,Marshall and Ted arrive at the G-CWOK's apartment.
19105,63,3,19,"Man 2: Well, hello."
19106,63,3,19,"Marshall: Hi, um... Lawrence. I-I'm here about the painting my wife Lily solyou-- the one in the nice frame."
19107,63,3,19,"Lawrence: Talk about a nice frame. My, my, you are a big one, aren't you? And you're married to that little bit of a thing. How does that work? I'd like to find out."
19108,63,3,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
19109,63,3,19,"Lily: Yeah, we get it. Gay guys like you."
19110,63,3,19,"Marshall: No, Lily, they love me, but that's not the important part."
19111,63,3,19,Ted: Here's the important part.
19112,63,3,19,[FLASHBACK]
19113,63,3,19,"Ted: Since you're clearly a man of impeccable taste and style, I-I came down here to ask you: what do you think of the boots?"
19114,63,3,19,Lawrence: Walter. Boots.
19115,63,3,19,Walter: Pulling... Them.... Off.
19116,63,3,19,Ted: I'll be in the cab.
19117,63,3,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
19118,63,3,19,Ted: G-CWOK-approved.
19119,63,3,19,Lily: The painting!
19120,63,3,19,"Marshall: Right, so, um, they told me they threw it in the building's Dumpster."
19121,63,3,19,[FLASHBACK]
19122,63,3,19,"Marshall: It wasn't in there, but the super told me that he'd seen one Dr. Greer-- a veterinarian who works in the building-- take the painting out of the trash."
19123,63,3,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
19124,63,3,19,Lily: Dr. Greer? Who's Dr. Greer a-and why did he take my painting?
19125,63,3,19,Marshall: You're about to find out.
19126,63,3,19,At the vet
19127,63,3,19,Dr Greer: I had to make a trash run. Been a busy day-- lots of neuterings.
19128,63,3,19,"Lily: Ooh, we don't need the details."
19129,63,3,19,"Dr Greer: Oh, n-n-no, it's not what you think. Oh, thank God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, mostly just dog testicles."
19130,63,3,19,[FLASHBACK]
19131,63,3,19,"Dr Greer: Anyway... I noticed your painting just sitting right there on top and I thought, ""Hey,free painting,"" so I brought it upstairs and hung it up in Exam Room 3, and then the strangest thing happened. Hey, Muffin. Whoa, I think he remembers me from the last time he was here. Take Muffin to Exam Room 3. I'll meet you there. I went in, expecting the worst. I'd never seen Muffin that calm, and then a little later the same thing happened again with Tidbit... and King Larry... and again with the Weinstein triplets."
19132,63,3,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
19133,63,3,19,Dr Greer: Something about your art speaks to the canine sensibility on a very primal level.
19134,63,3,19,Lily: Really? Dogs like my paintings?
19135,63,3,19,"Dr Greer: Yeah. But you know who it bums out? Birds. Yeah. Had a parrot in there today. He took one look at it, pried open his cage, flew right into the ceiling fan."
19136,63,3,19,"Marshall: Anyway, because your first painting worked so well, I convinced Dr. Greer to buy four more."
19137,63,3,19,Lily: Really?
19138,63,3,19,"Marshall: Mm-hmm, at $500 a piece."
19139,63,3,19,Lily: That's two grand. That's more than we need for the contractor.
19140,63,3,19,"Marshall: Yeah, but I was actually thinking we could reinvest it."
19141,63,3,19,Lily: In what?
19142,63,3,19,Marshall: In you.
19143,63,3,19,At the apartment
19144,63,3,19,Ted from 2030: Marshall explained that he was building a fancy new Web site specifically to sell Lily's artwork to veterinarians.
19145,63,3,19,"Lily: Well, it's not exactly the clientele I had in mind, but... thank you for believing in me."
19146,63,3,19,(They kiss; a bird crashes into their window)
19147,63,3,19,"Marshall: Man, birds do not get you."
19148,63,3,19,At Abby's
19149,63,3,19,"Abby: Hi, sweetie."
19150,63,3,19,"Barney: Hey, I think I left my tie here. Have you seen it?"
19151,63,3,19,"Abby: No, I'm in wedding-planning mode. Stressville. Population: me. Okay, big decision. What do you think the cake should be: Fudgie the Whale or Cookie Puss?"
19152,63,3,19,"Barney: Yeah, that was a bit. We were doing a bit."
19153,63,3,19,"Abby: So I'm thinking Labor Day. I was going to say Fourth of July, but I don't want to steal any attention away from America."
19154,63,3,19,"Barney: Abby, I've... I've got some bad news. I can't marry you."
19155,63,3,19,Abby: What?
19156,63,3,19,Barney: Ted begged me not to. I think he's in love with you.
19157,63,3,19,Abby: Really?
19158,63,3,19,"Barney: Yes, our plan worked better than we ever dreamed. You have to go to him. Here's his home address. But you know what? He works late, so I wouldn't go before 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning."
19159,63,3,19,"Abby: Oh, my God, thank you. But now I feel wrong keeping this."
19160,63,3,19,"Barney: Oh, yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. That's made of candy. Later."
19161,63,3,19,"Marshall: Hey, go to lilyandmarshallselltheirstuff.com or charityfolks.com."
19162,63,3,19,Lily: We're having an auction to rise money for the children's hospital of Los Angeles
19163,63,3,19,Marshall: You could get tons of cool stuff on the sell and they all use for great cause.
19164,63,3,19,Lily & Marshall: Thanks.
19165,64,3,20,??? of the cab ride that changed my life.
19166,64,3,20,"I know it sounds crazy, but for all I know my life would be very different if I had taken, say... that cab."
19167,64,3,20,Or that cab.
19168,64,3,20,God knows what would have happened if I had gotten into that cab.
19169,64,3,20,I took this cab.
19170,64,3,20,And it changed my whole life.
19171,64,3,20,"But first, we need to back up a little."
19172,64,3,20,Hey.
19173,64,3,20,Is there any beer in the fridge?
19174,64,3,20,It's 10:00 in the morning.
19175,64,3,20,Grab me one.
19176,64,3,20,"So, something bad just happened."
19177,64,3,20,Stella and I were out having breakfast.
19178,64,3,20,"So, my sister broke up with her boyfriend."
19179,64,3,20,"Well, I can finally say it."
19180,64,3,20,I hated that guy!
19181,64,3,20,"Everything out of his mouth is, ""I'm a vegan. ""Fish feel pain."
19182,64,3,20,"I'm never constipated. """
19183,64,3,20,The guy's an idiot.
19184,64,3,20,"Actually, she's marrying him."
19185,64,3,20,I just wanted your honest opinion.
19186,64,3,20,He's actually a really nice guy.
19187,64,3,20,I think there's a wisdom to...
19188,64,3,20,"Anyway, they picked a date, so, uh, you want to come with me, so that we can laugh our asses off as we watch him walk barefoot down the aisle in a hemp tuxedo?"
19189,64,3,20,"Yeah, sure. When is it?"
19190,64,3,20,"Uh, first weekend in November."
19191,64,3,20,Is that
19192,64,3,20,the something bad?
19193,64,3,20,That she invited you to a wedding?
19194,64,3,20,Six months from now.
19195,64,3,20,As in we'll be together six months from now.
19196,64,3,20,Do you guys remember Barney's whole thing about making plans in a relationship?
19197,64,3,20,Fourth row.
19198,64,3,20,"Ted, no."
19199,64,3,20,You're violating the date-time continuum.
19200,64,3,20,You never make plans with a girl further in the future than the amount of time you've been going out.
19201,64,3,20,"You've been dating this girl for, what, two weeks?"
19202,64,3,20,"No, you're not taking her to a Springsteen concert in January."
19203,64,3,20,By that time you won't even remember this Robin girl's name.
19204,64,3,20,"Ugh, man, I love Springsteen!"
19205,64,3,20,He's like the American Bryan Adams.
19206,64,3,20,Well...
19207,64,3,20,But Barney had a point.
19208,64,3,20,"As soon as she started talking about the wedding, it freaked me out."
19209,64,3,20,"Oh, that sounds like so much fun."
19210,64,3,20,Mmm. So I get to look forward to it for six months.
19211,64,3,20,Which is twice as long as we've been dating.
19212,64,3,20,Uh-oh.
19213,64,3,20,I'm sure your daughter Lucy'll come so it'll be like a... a family trip.
19214,64,3,20,Our first trip as our funny little family.
19215,64,3,20,So that... that'll be super-exciting.
19216,64,3,20,"Oh, boy."
19217,64,3,20,"Man, they crank up the heat in these places."
19218,64,3,20,"What's going on, Ted?"
19219,64,3,20,We need to talk.
19220,64,3,20,"Oh. Oh. Oh. ""We need to talk""?"
19221,64,3,20,"There's only two situations where you say that to someone and unless you're pregnant, it sounds like you broke up with her."
19222,64,3,20,"Yeah, I did."
19223,64,3,20,So how did she take it?
19224,64,3,20,Um...
19225,64,3,20,I'm only trying to be honest with you.
19226,64,3,20,"You know, Ted. I have to go to work."
19227,64,3,20,"Stella, can we just..."
19228,64,3,20,I d't want to leave it like this.
19229,64,3,20,"No, Ted, it's okay."
19230,64,3,20,We're good.
19231,64,3,20,Ow!
19232,64,3,20,"Look, I know it sounds rough, but Stella's a mom."
19233,64,3,20,I have to be responsible.
19234,64,3,20,"If I'm having these feelings now, what if they don't go away?"
19235,64,3,20,"What if they just get worse and worse d six months from now, I break up with her over tofu salmon at her sister's wedding?"
19236,64,3,20,I can't do that to her.
19237,64,3,20,And I definitely can't do that to her daughter.
19238,64,3,20,"It sucks, but I'm being the good guy here."
19239,64,3,20,This is the right decision.
19240,64,3,20,Which brings me back to the cab ride.
19241,64,3,20,"Hello, may I speak with Marshall Eriksen?"
19242,64,3,20,"Hey, guys."
19243,64,3,20,Jell-O?
19244,64,3,20,How I Met Your Mother Jimmy
19245,64,3,20,???t believe this. So you're totally fine.
19246,64,3,20,"No, I'm not fine."
19247,64,3,20,I made the biggest mistake of my life.
19248,64,3,20,I want Stella back.
19249,64,3,20,"I've left her like ten messages, but her phone's off."
19250,64,3,20,She's at that arcade Kiddie Funland with her daughter.
19251,64,3,20,Please.
19252,64,3,20,Let me go to Kiddie Funland.
19253,64,3,20,"You can say that all you want, buddy, but you're not getting any morphine."
19254,64,3,20,"No, I'm serious. I got to get out of here."
19255,64,3,20,You're not going anywhere until we get the tests back.
19256,64,3,20,You could have internal bleeding.
19257,64,3,20,Your brain could be all full of blood.
19258,64,3,20,Think that's good for it? ain't.
19259,64,3,20,This sucks.
19260,64,3,20,This sucks. This sucks. Are you... are you kidding me?
19261,64,3,20,You walked away from a car accident without a scratch.
19262,64,3,20,A miracle took place today.
19263,64,3,20,"Oh, here we go."
19264,64,3,20,You don't think this was a miracle?
19265,64,3,20,There's no such thing as miracles.
19266,64,3,20,"March 2006, MacLaren's Bar."
19267,64,3,20,Oh.
19268,64,3,20,That's terrible. Gentle.
19269,64,3,20,That's in! Gentle.
19270,64,3,20,Ow. Here we go.
19271,64,3,20,Hey!
19272,64,3,20,Bravo.
19273,64,3,20,Cheers...
19274,64,3,20,Mm-hmm.
19275,64,3,20,No... way.
19276,64,3,20,That did not just happen.
19277,64,3,20,Am I dead?
19278,64,3,20,Miracle!
19279,64,3,20,"A pencil went up Barney's nose, and you call it a miracle."
19280,64,3,20,"Well, do you have a better explanation for it?"
19281,64,3,20,A drunk jackass with a box of pencils?
19282,64,3,20,"A drunk jackass called ""God!"""
19283,64,3,20,"And a box of pencils called ""destiny!"""
19284,64,3,20,"Speaking of Barney, I should give him a call."
19285,64,3,20,Why? We're not friends anymore.
19286,64,3,20,You'd want to know if thisappened to him.
19287,64,3,20,Go for Barney.
19288,64,3,20,"Hey, Barney."
19289,64,3,20,"Listen, I have something to tell you."
19290,64,3,20,"Oh, boy, here we go."
19291,64,3,20,I've been waiting for this one.
19292,64,3,20,You talked to Robin.
19293,64,3,20,She told you what's under the hood and you want to take it for a spin yourself.
19294,64,3,20,Not even if you boiled it in detergent.
19295,64,3,20,It's about Ted.
19296,64,3,20,Ted?
19297,64,3,20,My former best friend Ted who I asked you never to mention to me again?
19298,64,3,20,Yeah.
19299,64,3,20,He's been in a car accident.
19300,64,3,20,He's at Saint Anthony's hospital.
19301,64,3,20,Everything's...
19302,64,3,20,"No, I understand."
19303,64,3,20,You've got that important thing.
19304,64,3,20,Okay.
19305,64,3,20,"Oh, of course I'll tell him you love him."
19306,64,3,20,Okay.
19307,64,3,20,Suit up!
19308,64,3,20,He is always saying stuff like that!
19309,64,3,20,"He hung up, didn't he? Yeah."
19310,64,3,20,"See, I told you. We're not friends anymore."
19311,64,3,20,♪♪♪♪♪♪
19312,64,3,20,What did he say?
19313,64,3,20,"Ah, a hundred and thir... What?"
19314,64,3,20,You...
19315,64,3,20,"I'm coming, Ted."
19316,64,3,20,"So, what made you change your mind about Stella?"
19317,64,3,20,"Well, I was in the cab, and the car was coming at me, and you know how they say that your whole life flashes before your eyes in a near-death experience?"
19318,64,3,20,It doesn't.
19319,64,3,20,You don't see everything.
19320,64,3,20,Just the things you love.
19321,64,3,20,I realized in that moment that Stella is the most important thing in my life and-and I have to get her back.
19322,64,3,20,Aw!
19323,64,3,20,Miracle!
19324,64,3,20,Very sweet.
19325,64,3,20,Very romantic.
19326,64,3,20,Not a miracle.
19327,64,3,20,July 1999.
19328,64,3,20,Kennedy Airport.
19329,64,3,20,"So, did you enjoy..."
19330,64,3,20,Amsterdam?
19331,64,3,20,No.
19332,64,3,20,Nothing illegal.
19333,64,3,20,Paintings.
19334,64,3,20,"All right, Bob Marley."
19335,64,3,20,Let's have a conversation.
19336,64,3,20,Shift change.
19337,64,3,20,"Oh, Amsterdam."
19338,64,3,20,All right.
19339,64,3,20,"Float on through, brother."
19340,64,3,20,Miracle!
19341,64,3,20,Don't you go into the light!
19342,64,3,20,Don't you do it!
19343,64,3,20,"Hey, Mosby, you got a visitor."
19344,64,3,20,"Hey, guys."
19345,64,3,20,Hey. Hey. Hey.
19346,64,3,20,"Can you guys, uh, give us a minute?"
19347,64,3,20,"Stella, before you say anytng..."
19348,64,3,20,I love you.
19349,64,3,20,"I love you, too."
19350,64,3,20,Can we just forget about...
19351,64,3,20,It's forgotten.
19352,64,3,20,Is this your chart?
19353,64,3,20,Okay.
19354,64,3,20,Uh-huh.
19355,64,3,20,Everything looks good.
19356,64,3,20,I think you can handle it.
19357,64,3,20,Handle what?
19358,64,3,20,Aww! Aww! Aww!
19359,64,3,20,This morning he dumped her and now she's dry-humping him on a hospital bed.
19360,64,3,20,"Miracle! Yeah, you know, I bet if you call up the Vatican, they will tell you that most of their certified miracles involve dry-humping, so."
19361,64,3,20,April 2008.
19362,64,3,20,Lily's kindergarten classroom.
19363,64,3,20,You're gonna go in there and beg for your old job back?
19364,64,3,20,That's crazy.
19365,64,3,20,You hated it there.
19366,64,3,20,"I- I know, the job market is just really bad right now."
19367,64,3,20,"Hey, kids, who wants Uncle Marshall to get his old job back?"
19368,64,3,20,They'll cheer for anything if you say it like that.
19369,64,3,20,"Kids, a super tanker spilled five million gallons of oil off the coast of Alaska this morning!"
19370,64,3,20,"Hello, Marshall."
19371,64,3,20,"Mr. Hewitt, I came here to apologize."
19372,64,3,20,I'm going to go grab some more glue.
19373,64,3,20,Will you watch them for a sec?
19374,64,3,20,Of course.
19375,64,3,20,"Leaving Nicholson, Hewitt, and West was a huge mistake, and I can see that now."
19376,64,3,20,So... who wants to see the big guy put on these tiny hats?
19377,64,3,20,My behavior was disrespectful.
19378,64,3,20,It was unprofessional.
19379,64,3,20,I'm a pilgrim.
19380,64,3,20,"I know it looks like I have a tiny hat, but in reality, I have an abnormally large head!"
19381,64,3,20,I was going through a stressful time.
19382,64,3,20,I wasn't getting enough sleep.
19383,64,3,20,"Fourscore and seven years ago, I had a great, big giant head!"
19384,64,3,20,"I had just bought an apartment, and there were some problems."
19385,64,3,20,I- I don't want to bore you with the details.
19386,64,3,20,I only regret that I have but one giant head to give for my country.
19387,64,3,20,
19388,64,3,20,"Sir, if you could just see your way into giving me one more chance, I promise... Marshall."
19389,64,3,20,I'm willing to give this a second chance.
19390,64,3,20,I remember my first years as an attorney.
19391,64,3,20,"Why, I don't know how many hours I spent."
19392,64,3,20,I don't think I ever left...
19393,64,3,20,"Oh, my God!"
19394,64,3,20,I have lice.
19395,64,3,20,Those little bastards gave me lice.
19396,64,3,20,"God, it itches."
19397,64,3,20,Don't scratch it.
19398,64,3,20,You'll look like a fool.
19399,64,3,20,You'll never get your job back.
19400,64,3,20,"Okay, you can scratch, but just make it subtle."
19401,64,3,20,"Okay, that's not working."
19402,64,3,20,", sweet, sharp corner of the desk, how I long to rub my infested scalp against you."
19403,64,3,20,"I was, um... just, uh..."
19404,64,3,20,"You okay, Eriksen?"
19405,64,3,20,"Oh! Oh, yes, I'm good."
19406,64,3,20,I am good.
19407,64,3,20,Continue.
19408,64,3,20,Mind over matter.
19409,64,3,20,"There are no lice in my hair... laying eggs, burrowing into my scalp,"
19410,64,3,20,eating their way all the way down to my brain![/i]
19411,64,3,20,I have lice!
19412,64,3,20,"""Lice""?! Lice! Get out!"
19413,64,3,20,Get out of my office!
19414,64,3,20,We've got lice!
19415,64,3,20,Everybody out of the building.
19416,64,3,20,"If it weren't for the lice, I would have gotten my job back, and I would have been working there when,"
19417,64,3,20,"two weeks later, the Securities and Exchange Commission came a-knocking."
19418,64,3,20,God sent those lice to my head like he sent the locusts to Egypt:
19419,64,3,20,to liberate me from corporate bondage.
19420,64,3,20,Miracle.
19421,64,3,20,"Hey, guys."
19422,64,3,20,"Oh, I'm just so glad you and Ted are back together. Yeah."
19423,64,3,20,"Wait, um, what do you mean ""back together""?"
19424,64,3,20,"Well, you know, since you guys broke up."
19425,64,3,20,"What? Oh, no."
19426,64,3,20,It was just a small fight.
19427,64,3,20,That wasn't a breakup.
19428,64,3,20,Was that a breakup? Did he think that was a breakup?
19429,64,3,20,What?
19430,64,3,20,Son of a bitch!
19431,64,3,20,That was a breakup. Wasn't it?
19432,64,3,20,You broke up with me.
19433,64,3,20,Yeah.
19434,64,3,20,I didn't know that that was a breakup.
19435,64,3,20,Are you kidding?
19436,64,3,20,"I- I said, ""I feel awful. """
19437,64,3,20,"You said, ""We're good. """
19438,64,3,20,Then you got up and left.
19439,64,3,20,"Yeah, I said, ""We're good, "" as in ""We're good. """
19440,64,3,20,"Like when the waiter comes around and asks if you want any more muffins, and you say, ""We're good. """
19441,64,3,20,"Exactly, and I took that ""We're good"" to mean you didn't want any more metaphorical relationship muffins."
19442,64,3,20,This is crazy.
19443,64,3,20,Forget about all that.
19444,64,3,20,That was a whole life-changing car accident ago.
19445,64,3,20,I love you.
19446,64,3,20,I don't want to break up.
19447,64,3,20,But you did.
19448,64,3,20,You did want to.
19449,64,3,20,"And if you had those feelings once, then you're going to have those feelings again, and you're going to keep on having them."
19450,64,3,20,And I can't count on that car to hit you every time you do.
19451,64,3,20,What are you saying?
19452,64,3,20,"I'm saying... you wanted your breakup, you got it."
19453,64,3,20,"What?! Stella, wait!"
19454,64,3,20,"No, you know what, Ted?"
19455,64,3,20,???
19456,64,3,20,So you broke up with her and she didn't know it?
19457,64,3,20,Apparently.
19458,64,3,20,"And you actually said, ""I want to break up""?"
19459,64,3,20,"No, of course not."
19460,64,3,20,"Who says ""I want to break up""?"
19461,64,3,20,That's a horrible thing to say.
19462,64,3,20,"Well, that's true."
19463,64,3,20,Hello?
19464,64,3,20,"Hi, Ted Mosby? We have you listed as the emergency contact for Barney Stinson."
19465,64,3,20,What is it?
19466,64,3,20,What it was was this.
19467,64,3,20,I made it. I made it!
19468,64,3,20,"Dude, I..."
19469,64,3,20,I can't believe you ran all the way up here.
19470,64,3,20,Jeez. Flatter yourself much?
19471,64,3,20,What an ego on this guy.
19472,64,3,20,"Um, I was up in this part of town because I had to attend a very important international business meeting."
19473,64,3,20,"If you're here to come crawling back, just save it."
19474,64,3,20,I'm doing awesome without you.
19475,64,3,20,"Even br now, 'cause I can play the sympathy card with the females."
19476,64,3,20,"And BTW, there's one bone downstairs that ain't broken."
19477,64,3,20,"Marshall, you know what I'm talking about."
19478,64,3,20,Up top!
19479,64,3,20,Hup!
19480,64,3,20,Are you sure?
19481,64,3,20,"Yeah, dude. Why do y think I had them set it this way?"
19482,64,3,20,Okay.
19483,64,3,20,Ow!
19484,64,3,20,Worth it.
19485,64,3,20,"Barney, you, uh..."
19486,64,3,20,Yocould've died.
19487,64,3,20,"Ted, I'm sorry I broke the bro code."
19488,64,3,20,"No, I'm-I'm sorry."
19489,64,3,20,"Ted, can we be friends again?"
19490,64,3,20,"Barney, come on, we're... we're more than friends."
19491,64,3,20,We're brothers.
19492,64,3,20,"You're my brother, Ted. You're my brother, Barney."
19493,64,3,20,"Did you hear that, Marshall?"
19494,64,3,20,We're brothers now.
19495,64,3,20,"Marshall's my brother, too."
19496,64,3,20,We're all brothers.
19497,64,3,20,"Yeah, but I'm your best brother, right?"
19498,64,3,20,And that's how your Uncle Barney and I buried the hatchet.
19499,64,3,20,It got pretty mushy and embarrassing after that.
19500,64,3,20,Let's skip ahead.
19501,64,3,20,"I had to look away because if I watched what the paramedics were about to do, I would have passed out."
19502,64,3,20,"Then they took out this electric blade thing and I kept thinking, ""This isn't happening. This isn't happening. """
19503,64,3,20,"Oh, my God. What did they cut?"
19504,64,3,20,My suit.
19505,64,3,20,My beautiful suit.
19506,64,3,20,"But you're alive, and, and Ted's alive."
19507,64,3,20,This is amazing!
19508,64,3,20,Two miracles in one day.
19509,64,3,20,What is the matter with you?
19510,64,3,20,How can you possibly be this cynical?!
19511,64,3,20,You want to know? Yeah.
19512,64,3,20,You really want to know? Yeah!
19513,64,3,20,Fine.
19514,64,3,20,"When I was a kid, I had this dog, Sir Scratchawan."
19515,64,3,20,"Anyway, Sir Scratchawan got really old, so my parents decided to put him down."
19516,64,3,20,It was the toughest day of my young life.
19517,64,3,20,Good-byI love you.
19518,64,3,20,"And when they took him to the vet, he told them that earlier that very day, he had learned about an experimental procedure called a canine/testudine cerebro-xenograft."
19519,64,3,20,Ever heard of it?
19520,64,3,20,No.
19521,64,3,20,"Well, it saved Sir Scratchawan's life."
19522,64,3,20,He lived another seven years.
19523,64,3,20,Miracle. Except for one... kind of big side effect from the surgery.
19524,64,3,20,SiScratchawan!
19525,64,3,20,Welcome home!
19526,64,3,20,He turned into a turtle.
19527,64,3,20,"I know. It's weird, right?"
19528,64,3,20,"Apparently, a very common complication from canine/testudine cerebro-xenografts."
19529,64,3,20,And he didn't seem to remember any of his old tricks.
19530,64,3,20,"Go get it, Scratchy."
19531,64,3,20,Go get it!
19532,64,3,20,Go get it! Get it!
19533,64,3,20,"Go get it, Scratchy."
19534,64,3,20,Go get it.
19535,64,3,20,How long was it before...?
19536,64,3,20,"Longer than I'm proud of, Lily."
19537,64,3,20,Longer than I'm proud of.
19538,64,3,20,And that's when I realized miracles ain't real.
19539,64,3,20,Excuse me.
19540,64,3,20,"Mosby, you're still here?"
19541,64,3,20,"Your tests came back, like, an hour ago. You're fine."
19542,64,3,20,Are you kidding me? Why didn't you tell me?!
19543,64,3,20,I'm sorry.
19544,64,3,20,I guess it was rude of me to keep resuscitating that guy with a rake sticking out of his chest.
19545,64,3,20,"Um, I have to go right now. Barney, I..."
19546,64,3,20,Go.
19547,64,3,20,"Run, Ted. Run."
19548,64,3,20,"If there's anything I've taught you over the years, it's..."
19549,64,3,20,"Barney, he left. Oh."
19550,64,3,20,"Hey, Ted said that right before the accident, his life flashed before his eyes."
19551,64,3,20,"You know, all the stuff he loves."
19552,64,3,20,"Did that happen to you? Oh, yeah."
19553,64,3,20,I know what he saw: boobs. Scotch.
19554,64,3,20,And money.
19555,64,3,20,Suits. A suit of money.
19556,64,3,20,A suit of boobs.
19557,64,3,20,A giant boob wearing a suit of money.
19558,64,3,20,And the boob is lactating scotch.
19559,64,3,20,"I guess that's pretty much everything you love, right?"
19560,64,3,20,"Yeah, pretty much."
19561,64,3,20,"Kids, a lot of weird, random things have happened in my life,"
19562,64,3,20,"but that car accident is one of the few I'd call a miracle, not because of what happened, but because of what happened next.[/i]"
19563,64,3,20,Hi.
19564,64,3,20,Hi.
19565,64,3,20,Can I talk to you?
19566,64,3,20,Okay.
19567,64,3,20,I got you this orange kangaroo.
19568,64,3,20,Uh... thanks.
19569,64,3,20,So I've been thinking about what changed from the moment I broke up with you to the moment I knew I wanted you back.
19570,64,3,20,"And, um, I think I finally figured out what happened."
19571,64,3,20,Your cab got T-boned by a jackass on a cell phone?
19572,64,3,20,No. I changed.
19573,64,3,20,I'm ready to give you what you need.
19574,64,3,20,"That's why I spent ten minutes on the damn claw machine trying to get the big, fake diamond ring."
19575,64,3,20,But all I could get was this orange kangaroo.
19576,64,3,20,Diamond ring?
19577,65,4,1,"Ted(2030): Kids, there is something I wish my dad told me. The longest pause you will ever experience in your life is the one that follows asking the question..."
19578,65,4,1,Ted is in a playroom with Stella...
19579,65,4,1,Ted: Will you marry me?
19580,65,4,1,"Ted(2030): Your brain goes into overdrive, imaging every possible response."
19581,65,4,1,Stella: No.
19582,65,4,1,"Stella: Oh, God, no."
19583,65,4,1,Stella: You want me to marry..(laughing).No.
19584,65,4,1,"Stella: Oh, I'm sorry, Ted. I can't. Mark Johnson, the quarterback from your high school football team, already asked me."
19585,65,4,1,"Mark Johnson: What's up, Turd?"
19586,65,4,1,Ted: It's Ted!
19587,65,4,1,"Ted (2030): But if you're lucky, she may answer with the single greatest word in the English language."
19588,65,4,1,Stella: Yes.
19589,65,4,1,CREDITS
19590,65,4,1,Ted (2030): Stella and I spent that summer happily engaged. Marshall was still coping with unemployment.
19591,65,4,1,Marshall to lily: What are you doing?
19592,65,4,1,Ted(2030): Lily threw herself into her painting.
19593,65,4,1,Marshall to Barney: What are you doing?
19594,65,4,1,Ted(2030): Barney was rehabilitating from his bus accident.
19595,65,4,1,Marshall to himself: What are you doing?
19596,65,4,1,"Ted(2030): And well, Marshall just kept coping with unemployment."
19597,65,4,1,Marshall to Robin: What are you doing?
19598,65,4,1,Ted(2030): And Robin continued to uphold the high journalistic standards of Metro News 1.
19599,65,4,1,Robin: Is your favorite brand of dental floss poisoning your entire family? Tune in at 11:00 for the shocking... Tooth.
19600,65,4,1,At the bar...
19601,65,4,1,"Robin: Okay, I officially hate my job. I'm not a reporter, I'm just someone who shows up at night and scares people. I'm the bogeyman with a teleprompter."
19602,65,4,1,"Barney: ""Bogeyman with a teleprompter."" That's hilarious! Great joke, Robin, great joke."
19603,65,4,1,"Lily: Barney, no offense to Robin, but that wasn't that funny."
19604,65,4,1,"Barney: Are you kidding? That was a great joke. It's smart, funny, beautiful, the whole package. It's everything you're afraid to let yourself want. In a joke. ""Bogeyman with a teleprompter."" Classic."
19605,65,4,1,Lily is at Barney's apartment...
19606,65,4,1,"Lily: Okay, what is so urgent that you called me and begged me to come over at 7:22 in the morning?"
19607,65,4,1,"Barney: I could tell you knew something was up with me, and you're right. But I can't tell you what it is. I should tell you, but I can't! I have to. I never will! I'm going to. Let's just drop it. What's up with you?"
19608,65,4,1,"Lily: Barney, just say it."
19609,65,4,1,Barney: I think I'm in love with Robin.
19610,65,4,1,At the apartment...
19611,65,4,1,"Marshall: Hey, Lily needs some gift ideas for Stella's wedding shower. Does she like to cook?"
19612,65,4,1,"Ted: Actually, I don't know."
19613,65,4,1,Marshall: What's her favorite color?
19614,65,4,1,Ted: Don't know that either.
19615,65,4,1,"Marshall: Well, does she have any hobbies?"
19616,65,4,1,"Ted: Yes. She's exactly the kind of person who would have hobbies. And interests, too. I am one lucky son of a bitch."
19617,65,4,1,"Marshall: Dude, you don't know anything about the woman you're marrying."
19618,65,4,1,Ted: What? You're crazy! I know plenty.
19619,65,4,1,Marshall: What color are her eyes?
19620,65,4,1,Ted: The color of the ocean after a storm.
19621,65,4,1,Marshall: Which is?
19622,65,4,1,Ted: Beautiful.
19623,65,4,1,At Barney's apartment...
19624,65,4,1,"Lily: I don't believe it. I thought you called me over here to uncuff you from your s*x swing again, but you're in love? That is so sweet!"
19625,65,4,1,"Barney: It's not ""sweet."" It's like a disease. I slept with Robin one time and I caught feelings. I caught feelings bad. I used protection and everything."
19626,65,4,1,"Lily: Barney, you don't ""catch"" feelings, you just have them. And they're good."
19627,65,4,1,"Barney: They're terrible! I can't eat, I can't sleep. She's all I think about. I close my eyes, I see Robin. I, I hear a song; it reminds me of Robin."
19628,65,4,1,Girl: Morning.
19629,65,4,1,"Barney: I sleep with that chick, I'm thinking about Robin."
19630,65,4,1,At the apartment...
19631,65,4,1,"Ted: Okay, so I don't know every single detail about Stella. What's really about? Do you not like her or something?"
19632,65,4,1,"Marshall: No, Ted, I like Stella a lot. She's a Mets fan."
19633,65,4,1,Ted: Really?
19634,65,4,1,Marshall: It's just that everything with you has moved so fast. You've only known each other a few months. Don't you think maybe you should slow things down a little bit? Get to know each other better?
19635,65,4,1,"Ted: I'll have a whole life time to get to know her better. Right now, I know the one thing that I have to: that I love her."
19636,65,4,1,At Barney's apartment...
19637,65,4,1,"Lily: You love her? Barney, how can you be in love, and still be sleeping with anything that moves?"
19638,65,4,1,"Barney: I'm sorry, I don't follow you. That's like saying, ""How can an ant carry ""20 times its body weight, but root beer floats are still delicious?"" Are the two even related? Really?"
19639,65,4,1,"Lily: Barney, you're going to have to stop screwing around if you want to be Robin's boyfriend."
19640,65,4,1,"Barney: ""Boyfriend""? I don't want to be Robin's boyfriend."
19641,65,4,1,"Lily: Well, what do you want, then?"
19642,65,4,1,Barney: I don't know. I just want to be with her. All the time. I want to hear about her day and tell her about mine. I want to hold her hand and smell her hair. But I don't want to be her stupid boyfriend.
19643,65,4,1,"Lily: Barney, what you just described is a relationship between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. And a pretty clingy one at that."
19644,65,4,1,"Barney: Look, Lily, are you going to help me out with this or not?"
19645,65,4,1,"Lily: I'm a kindergarten teacher. I see a confused, little kid in the corner trying to eat the lefty scissors, I gotta help the poor, little b*st*rd. But only if you stop sleeping around. Deal?"
19646,65,4,1,Barney: Deal.
19647,65,4,1,At Metro News One...
19648,65,4,1,"Robin: Coming up next, is your local ice cream man actually driving a roving meth lab on wheels? Stay tuned for the full... Scoop. Really?"
19649,65,4,1,"At the apartment, Ted and Stella are eating..."
19650,65,4,1,"Stella: I know dudes think it's girlie for a guy to cook, but us ladies? We find it mighty sexy."
19651,65,4,1,Ted: Really? You know... My grandma taught me how.
19652,65,4,1,"Stella: Oh, yeah, she did."
19653,65,4,1,Ted: Yeah. I had a lot of time after school to watch her cook because I wasn't good at sports.
19654,65,4,1,Stella: I'm on fire right now. Delicious. What's in this pesto?
19655,65,4,1,"Ted: Oh, you know, the usual: basil, garlic, olive oil, but can you guess my secret ingredient?"
19656,65,4,1,Stella: Peanuts.
19657,65,4,1,Ted: Yes. How did you know that?
19658,65,4,1,Stella falls of her stair... A few moments later...
19659,65,4,1,"Ted: OK, let me think, what else?"
19660,65,4,1,"Stella: You know what, sweetie? I woke up so early and I had a really long day at work. And there was that whole thing where you tried to kill me. Can we please just go to sleep?"
19661,65,4,1,"Ted: No, I clearly need to know more about you. Let's do firsts. First kiss?"
19662,65,4,1,"Stella: Dale Harris, second grade. You're talking like peck on the cheek or a full-on passionate making out?"
19663,65,4,1,Ted. Passionate making out.
19664,65,4,1,"Stella: OK, yeah, Dale Harris, second grade."
19665,65,4,1,Ted: First time you had s*x.
19666,65,4,1,"Stella: Dale Harris, second..."
19667,65,4,1,Ted: Stop it.
19668,65,4,1,"Stella: Billy Devito, sophomore year of college."
19669,65,4,1,"Ted: Prude. Molly McKenzie, junior year of high school."
19670,65,4,1,Stella: Slut.
19671,65,4,1,At Barney's apartment...
19672,65,4,1,Lily: Robin just needs to see this new see of you.
19673,65,4,1,Barney: So just call her up?
19674,65,4,1,Lily: Just call her up.
19675,65,4,1,"Barney (on the phone): Hi, Robin..(he jabbers something and hang up) She wasn't there. I left a voice mail."
19676,65,4,1,"Lily: You left a voice, but it wasn't male. Barney, I don't get it. You've called a million girls a million times."
19677,65,4,1,"Barney: Yeah, but those were just booty calls."
19678,65,4,1,Flashback.
19679,65,4,1,21h03. Barney's at the bar and calls someone...
19680,65,4,1,"Barney (present): On a booty call, you barely even have to talk. Around 9:00 p.m., you say..."
19681,65,4,1,"Barney: Hey, baby, it's Barney. You busy tonight? Sweet. See you in half an hour? Can't wait."
19682,65,4,1,"Barney (present): But the later it gets, the fewer words you need."
19683,65,4,1,Barney (on the phone) Barney. Busy? Sweet.
19684,65,4,1,Barney (present): And by 3:00 in the morning...
19685,65,4,1,The screan of Barney's phone shows a question mark followed by an exclamation mark.
19686,65,4,1,Barney: Sweet.
19687,65,4,1,End of flashback.
19688,65,4,1,Lily: A question mark? You got laid off a question mark?
19689,65,4,1,Barney: It's no worse than your super-obvious code words.
19690,65,4,1,Flashback. At the bar...
19691,65,4,1,Lily: Rhinoceros.
19692,65,4,1,Marshall: We have to go.
19693,65,4,1,End of flashback.
19694,65,4,1,Lily: Great. Now we need a new code word.
19695,65,4,1,Barney's phone rings
19696,65,4,1,"Barney: Ah, ah, it's her, it's Robin. What do I do? No-no-no-no, aah! Robin... Great to hear from you. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
19697,65,4,1,"Robin: You called, said..., and hung up. What do you want?"
19698,65,4,1,Barney (to lily): Help me!
19699,65,4,1,Lily: Just ask her something.
19700,65,4,1,Barney: How are you feeling today?
19701,65,4,1,Robin: Fine.
19702,65,4,1,Lily: Something personal.
19703,65,4,1,Barney: At what age did you first get your period?
19704,65,4,1,Robin: Did you just ask me about about my period?
19705,65,4,1,"Barney: No, I did not."
19706,65,4,1,"Robin: Look, Barney, I'm at work right now."
19707,65,4,1,Lily: Just ask her out.
19708,65,4,1,"Barney: Robin, I was wondering if... Nothing. Gotta go. Bye. That was just a practical joke. I'm not really in love with Robin. You should've seen the look on your face. There's cameras right there and there and there. What a legendary prank that we're never going to speak of again."
19709,65,4,1,Lily looks and sees that there really is a camera...
19710,65,4,1,Lily: Gross.
19711,65,4,1,At the apartment
19712,65,4,1,Ted: First movie you ever saw.
19713,65,4,1,"Stella: Benji,1981. I watched it recently with Lucy and I just thought, ""Oh, that dog is so dead right now."" What about you?"
19714,65,4,1,Ted: My dad took me to an old drive-in to see the original Star Wars.
19715,65,4,1,"Stella: You know, I've actually never seen Star Wars."
19716,65,4,1,Marshall and Ted are at the bar...
19717,65,4,1,"Marshall: She's never seen Star Wars?! Ted, the only people in the universe who haven't seen Star Wars are the characters, and that's 'cause they lived them. That's 'cause they lived theStar Wars."
19718,65,4,1,Ted: You've got to calm down.
19719,65,4,1,"Marshall: I told you. You didn't know this girl well enough. What if... you show it to her, she doesn't like it?"
19720,65,4,1,"Ted: Dude, it's just a movie."
19721,65,4,1,"Marshall: Star Wars is your all-time favorite movie, and whether or not Stella likes it is actually important. It's like, it's a test of how compatible you guys are."
19722,65,4,1,Ted: It's just a movie. It's just a movie!
19723,65,4,1,
19724,65,4,1,121 awesome minutes later...
19725,65,4,1,"Ted: If Stella doesn't like this movie, I can't marry her."
19726,65,4,1,Marshall: You can't.
19727,65,4,1,Ted: You want to watch it again?
19728,65,4,1,Marshall: I do.
19729,65,4,1,Barney and Lily are at the restaurant. Robin's already there...
19730,65,4,1,Barney: Where are the boys? I thought this was a group thing.
19731,65,4,1,Lily: I lied. They're not coming and I'm about to leave.
19732,65,4,1,Barney: Why?
19733,65,4,1,"Lily: Because... they're not in love with Robin, and neither am I. I mean, she's great and sweet. I'm not going to pretend that I haven't noticed her body, but this is off topic. Good luck."
19734,65,4,1,"Barney: Wait, wait, I can't do this. She'll never take me seriously. She thinks I'm some womanizing idiot."
19735,65,4,1,Lily: We both know you're more than that. Show Robin the Barney I met the other day.
19736,65,4,1,"Barney: You mean the insecure, touchy-feely she-male who sounded alarmingly close to Ted?"
19737,65,4,1,Lily: Ted hit that for over a year.
19738,65,4,1,Barney: Wish me luck.
19739,65,4,1,Barney goes to the table where Robin is. At Ted's apartment...
19740,65,4,1,"Ted: I just thought it'd be fun to watch a movie tonight, and since you've never seen Star Wars, I figured why not? No big deal. It's pretty good."
19741,65,4,1,Stella: Sounds like a plan. I'm gonna grab a beer. You want one?
19742,65,4,1,"Ted: The movie's already started, so..."
19743,65,4,1,Stella: It's some words flying through space. I'm not going to read that anyway.
19744,65,4,1,"Ted: Oh, my God. Marshall appears behind the couch."
19745,65,4,1,Marshall: Off to a bad start.
19746,65,4,1,Ted: What are you doing down there?
19747,65,4,1,Marshall: I'm making sure my best friend is marrying the right woman. That's what I'm doing.
19748,65,4,1,"Ted: What are you doing, hiding behind the couch? You need to get a job."
19749,65,4,1,"Marshall: I really do, don't I?"
19750,65,4,1,At the restaurant...
19751,65,4,1,"Barney: So, Robin... tell me about your day, and not just what happened, how you felt about what happened."
19752,65,4,1,Robin: What?
19753,65,4,1,"Barney: I'm not looking to problem-solve, I'm just looking to listen."
19754,65,4,1,Robin: Why are you acting like this?
19755,65,4,1,Barney: Like what?
19756,65,4,1,"Robin: You're being super nice. It's... freaking me out. Be... gross, be inappropriate. Be Barney."
19757,65,4,1,"Barney: I'm being Barney, and I think tonight's going to be de... wait for it... lightful. Delightful."
19758,65,4,1,Robin: Right. So I went to the chiropractor yesterday. That guy bent me over the table and pounded me for a good hour.
19759,65,4,1,Barney: Is insurance going to cover that? Sometimes they don't.
19760,65,4,1,"Robin: That's it? Today I was at the dentist. That guy drilled me all day long. He drilled me hard. He filled all of my cavities. Come on, man."
19761,65,4,1,Barney: Your teeth look fantastic.
19762,65,4,1,Robin: Who are you?
19763,65,4,1,At the apartment...
19764,65,4,1,Stella: What?
19765,65,4,1,Ted: Nothing.
19766,65,4,1,Stella: You were staring at me.
19767,65,4,1,Ted: You look really beautiful tonight.
19768,65,4,1,"Stella: You don't look so bad yourself, mister. She kisses him on the neck"
19769,65,4,1,"Ted: Great scene, great scene. Star Wars fun fact number seven... George Lucas based the film's structure on Akira Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress. He also owes a debt to Campbell's work with comparative mythology."
19770,65,4,1,"Stella: Yeah, Ted, I'm losing wood over here. What's going on?"
19771,65,4,1,Ted: Nothing.
19772,65,4,1,"Stella: Wait, it's really important to you that I like this movie, isn't it? I'm not gonna like it with you staring at me the whole time. Go to your room and I will come get you when it's over. Go."
19773,65,4,1,Ted goes to his room. Marshall stands up from behind the couch which scares Stella and makes her drop the popcorn.
19774,65,4,1,"Marshall: Should I leave, too?"
19775,65,4,1,"Ted: What part, what part?"
19776,65,4,1,"At the restaurant, the waitress leans over to pour the wine and shows her cleavage to Barney, but he leans over and looks at Robin."
19777,65,4,1,Barney: Thanks.
19778,65,4,1,Robin: Nothing? Not even a glance? Even I was thinking about rocking a motorboat on those bad boys. What the hell is wrong with you?
19779,65,4,1,"Barney: I don't always want to be that guy. Sometimes I want to be someone you can have an actual conversation with. Now, tell me something about you that I don't know yet. Seriously."
19780,65,4,1,"Robin: There's a job opening at a new cable network that would be perfect for me... completely legit world news, interviews with people who matter... but I decided I'm not going to apply."
19781,65,4,1,Barney: Why not?
19782,65,4,1,Robin: Because I'm a joke. I'm just the scary news lady from some stupid local news channel.
19783,65,4,1,Barney: We both know you're more than that. Promise me you'll apply.
19784,65,4,1,Robin: It's not as easy...
19785,65,4,1,Barney: Promise me you'll apply.
19786,65,4,1,Robin: I promise.
19787,65,4,1,Ted and Marshall are in Ted's room.
19788,65,4,1,"Marshall: She's up to the scene where Luke, Leia, Han and Chewy escape from the Death Star's trash compactor."
19789,65,4,1,Ted: Great scene.
19790,65,4,1,"Marshall: Great scene! Okay, we should have just heard... but Stella didn't make a peep."
19791,65,4,1,Ted: I'm gonna take a look. She's not even watching. She's texting.
19792,65,4,1,Marshall: I'll tell her you still want to be friends.
19793,65,4,1,"Ted: I don't believe this. I believe, she knows this is important to me. She's blatantly...(Ted looks at his phone) ""Stop watching me, jackasses."""
19794,65,4,1,At the restaurant.
19795,65,4,1,Barney: To taking chances.
19796,65,4,1,Robin: To taking chances.
19797,65,4,1,"Barney: You know, Robin, there's actually something, I do want to talk to you about."
19798,65,4,1,Barman: Last call.
19799,65,4,1,Barney: Of course it is. One more for the road?
19800,65,4,1,"Robin: Yeah, why not? Hold that thought?"
19801,65,4,1,Barney ; I will.
19802,65,4,1,Ted and Marshall are in the room. Stella comes in.
19803,65,4,1,Stella: I loved it.
19804,65,4,1,Ted: Yes! I am marrying a woman who is not only hot but loves Star Wars. That's the dream.
19805,65,4,1,Stella: What was that?
19806,65,4,1,"Ted: I was high-fiving 15-Year-Old Me through the space-time continuum. We did it. We did it, you masturbating little b*st*rd. Champagne for everybody. Ted leaves the room."
19807,65,4,1,Stella: It was so good.
19808,65,4,1,"Marshall: You hated it, didn't you?"
19809,65,4,1,"Stella: It's so stupid. First of all, how do they understand that walking bear they hang around with all the time?"
19810,65,4,1,Marshall: Wookiee.
19811,65,4,1,"Stella: He goes nin nin nin... They're all like, ""That's a good point, Bear, ""let's try that."""
19812,65,4,1,"Marshall: He's a Wookiee, and his kind is actually more intelligent than they appear. That is Ted's favorite movie of all time. He watches it when he's home sick with the flu. He watches it on rainy Sunday afternoons in the fall. He watches it on Christmas Eve. Ted watches Star Wars in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. Do you really think that you can pretend to like a movie that you actually hate for the rest of your life?"
19813,65,4,1,Stella: I do.
19814,65,4,1,"Marshall: Then, Ted's a lucky guy. Bear."
19815,65,4,1,At the restaurant. Robin comes back and Barney has two glasses.
19816,65,4,1,"Barney: So, here's the deal."
19817,65,4,1,"Robin: April, have... you met Barney? April just finished her shift, she's looking to blow off some steam."
19818,65,4,1,Barney: Would you excuse us for one sec? What are you doing?
19819,65,4,1,"Robin: You were so nice to me tonight, I wanted to return the favor, wingwoman-style. So, as I was saying, Barney is the Yankees' new second-baseman. And Barney, April asked if tomorrow, you could hit a goal for her during the baseball match. You can't make this stuff up. So, you two kids have fun."
19820,65,4,1,April: So are you... nervous about the game?
19821,65,4,1,"Barney: Yeah, I'm nervous for the other team 'cause when I step up to that plate... I am not a New York Yankee. Any other night, I would probably try to convince you that I am, but I'm not. I'm just some guy who's in love with the girl that just left, and she's never going to feel the same way. So I'm just going to go."
19822,65,4,1,Lily's at Barney's apartment.
19823,65,4,1,Barney: And that was it.
19824,65,4,1,"Lily: I'm so sorry, Barney. You can't give up. You know, it may take some time, but once Robin sees the new you..."
19825,65,4,1,"April: When my family gets to Yankee Stadium, are the tickets under your name or mine?"
19826,65,4,1,"Barney: My name, and tell your nephews to bring their mitts. They're going to be in foul ball country. Come on. The Robin stuff was completely true."
19827,65,4,1,"Lily: Damn it, Barney. I mean, for the last time, you can't... you can't be in love with Robin and still be sleeping with every bimbo on the planet. You have to choose right now."
19828,65,4,1,Barney: I choose bimbos.
19829,65,4,1,Lily: What?
19830,65,4,1,"Barney: Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, but at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos."
19831,65,4,1,"Lily: This is just a defense mechanism, because you're afraid of getting hurt. You're just confused."
19832,65,4,1,"Barney: Oh, I'm not confused. You know who is confused? Bimbos. They're easily confused. It's one of the thousand little things I love about them. I love their vacant, trusting stares, their sluggish, unencumbered minds, their unresolved daddy issues. I love them and they love me. Bimbos have always been there for me, through thick and thin. Mostly thin. B- man don't do thick crust. What up?"
19833,65,4,1,"Lily: See you, Barney."
19834,66,4,2,"Ted from 2030: When I first moved to New York, it was dingy, disgusting, ugly, flea-ridden, stinky and altogether terrifying, but then, sadly. The whole city started to go uphill. The streets got a little cleaner, the rents got a little higher, and one by one, the crappy old places we loved began to disappear. The Elbow Room, an old punk rock club, became a drugstore. McHale's, a working-class watering hole, became a fast-food place. And Fez, a Moroccan-themed lounge, became a bank. And not just any bank."
19835,66,4,2,At Ted and Marshall's apartment
19836,66,4,2,"Barney: Goliath National Bank. The world leader in credit and banking. God, I love Goliath National Bank!"
19837,66,4,2,"Ted: Okay, first of all, you look like the last pick in the draft. And, second, why are you so excited about some bank?"
19838,66,4,2,"Barney: Our company just bought them out in a ruthless takeover. Took two months. Cost 2,000 jobs. It was brutal. Who wants a T-shirt? (He throws one to Ted.) Hey, Marshall, they're hiring in the legal department. I could get you a job."
19839,66,4,2,"Lily: Barney, Marshall didn't quit his last soul-sucking corporate job just to go work at a bank. He's gonna be an environmental lawyer."
19840,66,4,2,"Ted from 2030: That was the plan, anyway. (We can see Marshall in front of the mirror of the bathroom.) Over the next few weeks, Marshall went on a lot of interviews."
19841,66,4,2,"Marshall (to the mirror): You are confident, you are energetic, you are focused!"
19842,66,4,2,Ted from 2030: A lot of interviews.
19843,66,4,2,"Marshall(to the mirror): You are flexible on salary, you're willing to compromise, you're not gonna cry this time."
19844,66,4,2,Ted from 2030: Too many interviews.
19845,66,4,2,"Marshall(to the mirror): You are sad, you are beaten down, you will get through this, come home, get in your big underpants and take a nap."
19846,66,4,2,"Ted from 2030: Which brings us to September 29, the night of the burger."
19847,66,4,2,At McLaren's
19848,66,4,2,"Ted: So, what do you guys want to do for dinner?"
19849,66,4,2,"Wendy: Oh, we just got a new cook. You have to try the burger, it's amazing."
19850,66,4,2,"Robin: Great, we'll take five of those."
19851,66,4,2,Wendy (taking note): Five burgers.
19852,66,4,2,Ted: Really? You want to eat here?
19853,66,4,2,"Robin: Yeah, I'm freaking starving. I just finished a seven-day cleanse."
19854,66,4,2,Marshall: I thought you started that yesterday.
19855,66,4,2,"Robin: I finished early, OK? (To Wendy) Five of those."
19856,66,4,2,Wendy: Five burgers.
19857,66,4,2,Ted: Wait. What about sushi?
19858,66,4,2,Lily: We had sushi last night.
19859,66,4,2,Barney: Italian.
19860,66,4,2,Ted: I had Italian for lunch.
19861,66,4,2,Wendy: I can come back.
19862,66,4,2,"Robin: No. We always do this. We spend an hour arguing about where to eat, and we end up here anyway. I haven't eaten for two days. Can we please, for the love of God, just order something now?"
19863,66,4,2,Ted: Chinese?
19864,66,4,2,Robin: Oh.
19865,66,4,2,Barney: I don't like Chinese.
19866,66,4,2,Ted: Indian?
19867,66,4,2,Barney: I just said I don't like Chinese.
19868,66,4,2,Ted: Indian isn't Chinese.
19869,66,4,2,"Barney: Weird meats, funny music, side of rice. Why are we splitting hairs?"
19870,66,4,2,Ted: Mexican?
19871,66,4,2,Barney: I just said I don't like Chinese.
19872,66,4,2,Robin: God.
19873,66,4,2,Credit title
19874,66,4,2,Wendy serves everybody except Robin.
19875,66,4,2,"Wendy: Robin, yours will be right out."
19876,66,4,2,"Robin: Of course, mine comes last. Go ahead, start without me."
19877,66,4,2,Everybody: Sweet! You shouldn't have. That's so kind of you.
19878,66,4,2,"Lily: My God. This burger is so good. It's like Christmas in my mouth, meat Christmas."
19879,66,4,2,Ted: It's like an angel from heaven landed in the kitchen at MacLaren's. Where the chef killed it and ran it through the meat grinder.
19880,66,4,2,"Barney: I love this burger so much, I want to sew my ass shut."
19881,66,4,2,Marshall: It's okay.
19882,66,4,2,Everybody: Are you kidding me?
19883,66,4,2,"Marshall: Guys, guys, guys. When you've had the best burger in NY, every other burger tastes like my grandpa's feet. But you guys eat up, enjoy my grandpa's feet."
19884,66,4,2,Robin: And you've had the best burger in New York?
19885,66,4,2,"Marshall: It was eight years ago, my first week in New York, and for a kid from Minnesota, the big city was a scary place."
19886,66,4,2,[Flashback - Eight years earlier]
19887,66,4,2,At Ted and Marshall's apartment
19888,66,4,2,Marshall waits behind the door with a bat of baseball in hands. When Ted opens the door and is surprised by his friend.
19889,66,4,2,"Marshall: Oh, thank God it's just you."
19890,66,4,2,"Ted: You are being ridiculous. (Taking the bat.) Tell me, you left the apartment today?"
19891,66,4,2,"Marshall: Why would I have to leave? I can have anything I want delivered, and New York City cable is awesome. Have you seen this public access show with the old Jewish lady in a bikini? (Laughing) It's disgusting."
19892,66,4,2,"Ted: Marshall, you have to get over this paranoia. You are not gonna get mugged."
19893,66,4,2,"Marshall: What if I do, Ted. I don't have a switchblade. I don't know how to break-dance and win the begrudging respect of a street gang."
19894,66,4,2,"Ted: That's it, you're taking a walk. Come on, go."
19895,66,4,2,"Marshall: No. Look, the old lady in a bikini is back on. I'm just gonna lie back and get comfortable."
19896,66,4,2,"Ted: Go outside, go, go."
19897,66,4,2,Marshall: Okay. (He takes the bat discreetly.)
19898,66,4,2,Ted: Leave the bat.
19899,66,4,2,Marshall: Fine.
19900,66,4,2,In the streets
19901,66,4,2,"Marshal: So I went for a walk in the big, scary city. And I discovered something amazing: it wasn't scary at all. All right. What's the word?"
19902,66,4,2,Man in the street (Distributing pamphlets): Your search is over!
19903,66,4,2,"Marshall: And then, right when I started to get a little hungry, I turned a corner..."
19904,66,4,2,[End of Flashback]
19905,66,4,2,At McLaren's
19906,66,4,2,Marshall: And there it was.
19907,66,4,2,"The tiniest little burger joint you ever saw, tucked between a taxidermist and a triple-X bookstore."
19908,66,4,2,Barney: Name two places where things get stuffed.
19909,66,4,2,"Marshall: So, I went inside."
19910,66,4,2,[Flashback - Eight years earlier]
19911,66,4,2,Marshall voiceover: And I ordered the burger.
19912,66,4,2,A man tattooed from head to foot brings him his plate.
19913,66,4,2,Marshal: Thank you.
19914,66,4,2,"Marshall starts eating his burger. He feasts, and raises the head towards the wall. His glance settles on Regis Philbin's photo. Then, Marshall runs through streets, returns to the apartment."
19915,66,4,2,There he wakes Ted.
19916,66,4,2,"Marshall: Ted, you got to wake up. Wake..."
19917,66,4,2,Ted is surprised and he hits Marshall with the bat.
19918,66,4,2,"Ted: Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"
19919,66,4,2,"Marshall: I'm all right. Ted, I've just had the most amazing burger of my life! It's this awesome little place, Regis Philbin eats there, so it's sort of like a celebrity hot spot. But the burger. The burger. Dude."
19920,66,4,2,Ted: I want one of those burgers right now! Do you think they're still open?
19921,66,4,2,Marshall: I don't know. (Looking to his watch.) Does stuff in New York stay open past... 9:30?
19922,66,4,2,Ted and Marshall are walking in the New York's streets.
19923,66,4,2,Marshall voiceover: So we went out to get another burger. But after hours of searching...
19924,66,4,2,Marshall (Raising hands in the sky.): Damn it! Where is this place?
19925,66,4,2,[End of Flashback]
19926,66,4,2,At McLaren's
19927,66,4,2,Robin: You couldn't find it?
19928,66,4,2,Ted: We didn't know our way around. Just getting back to the apartment took us three hours and one very helpful drag queen.
19929,66,4,2,"Marshall: Wait, Penny Noir was a drag queen?"
19930,66,4,2,Robin: Where do you think it was?
19931,66,4,2,Lily: Probably tucked between her legs.
19932,66,4,2,They laugh.
19933,66,4,2,Barney: You know what's not a drag? Getting a home equity loan at Goliath National Bank. I'm just saying.
19934,66,4,2,"Marshall: Anyways, we never found the place. Now, eight years have passed, still... No burger."
19935,66,4,2,A man who sat at the table behind them calls to Marshall.
19936,66,4,2,Man: I couldn't help but overhear.
19937,66,4,2,"Marshall: Okay, here we go."
19938,66,4,2,Man: I know the place you're talking about.
19939,66,4,2,"Marshall: No, you don't."
19940,66,4,2,Man: It's a place called the Corner Bistro. Greatburger.
19941,66,4,2,"Marshall: Oh, the Corner Bistro! It's amazing, I spent a quarter of my life searching for the best burger in New York City, but silly me, it never occurred to me to check the highest-rated burger in the Zagat guide. Wow, thanks a lot, guy. Let me return the favor. Great cup of coffee: Starbucks."
19942,66,4,2,"Irritated, he makes him sign leave them quiet."
19943,66,4,2,Robin: So I take it you've tried the Corner Bistro.
19944,66,4,2,"Marshall: Robin, I've tried every so-called best burger in New York City trying to find that burger. Or at least forget about her."
19945,66,4,2,[Flashback]
19946,66,4,2,Corner Bistro
19947,66,4,2,"Marshall and Lily are eating a burger. Lilly questions him of the glance, he shakes the head."
19948,66,4,2,Paul's place
19949,66,4,2,Marshall shakes the head.
19950,66,4,2,21
19951,66,4,2,He throws his burger to his plate.
19952,66,4,2,Veggie Heaven
19953,66,4,2,Marshall (getting up): We're going.
19954,66,4,2,[End of Flashback]
19955,66,4,2,At McLaren's
19956,66,4,2,Marshall: But none of those places even came close.
19957,66,4,2,"Ted: There was that one time we thought we had a break in the case, remember?"
19958,66,4,2,[Flashback]
19959,66,4,2,At Ted and Marshall's apartment
19960,66,4,2,Barney: Get this. You know who works out at my gym? Regis Philbin.
19961,66,4,2,Marshall (Watching Ted): The autographed picture.
19962,66,4,2,At the gym
19963,66,4,2,"Regis Philbin (Lifting weights): Of course I remember the place. It was the best burger I ever had. I still have dreams about this burger. Beautiful, haunting dreams! I wake up at night screaming, ""Get out of my head, burger! Get out!"""
19964,66,4,2,"Marshall: That's the one, Mr. Philbin. Do you remember where it is?"
19965,66,4,2,Regis Philbin(He knocks in a bag of boxing.): No! I never wrote it down. But not a day goes by that I don't regret it. (To Marshall) Why? Why? Do you know where it is?
19966,66,4,2,Marshall: No.
19967,66,4,2,"Regis Philbin (Threatening him with his fists.): And if you tell me it's at the Corner Bistro, I'm gonna smack you right in the face!"
19968,66,4,2,"Barney: No. No, we don't know where it is."
19969,66,4,2,"Regis Philbin (Taking Barney by the collar): Listen, Blondie! Don't mess with me! Daddy needs his meat."
19970,66,4,2,"Barney: I don't know where it is, Regis, I swear!"
19971,66,4,2,"Regis Philbin (To Marshall): What about you, Lurch? (To Ted) And what about you, satchel-mouth? (Giving a card to Barney) This is my cell. You find that burger; you call me day or night."
19972,66,4,2,"Barney: OK, Regis, we will, we will."
19973,66,4,2,Regis Philbin:What are you waiting for? Get out and find the burger!
19974,66,4,2,Barney: All right.
19975,66,4,2,"Regis Philbin: Let's go, all of you!"
19976,66,4,2,[End of flashback]
19977,66,4,2,At McLaren's
19978,66,4,2,"Marshall: That's where my story ends. Now I'm doomed to walk the earth forever searching for that green door and that red neon sign that says ""Burger."""
19979,66,4,2,"Robin: Green door, red neon sign that says ""Burger?"""
19980,66,4,2,Marshall: Yeah.
19981,66,4,2,"Robin: I know that place. I've walked by it a million times. It's on West 12th, right off of 7th."
19982,66,4,2,Marshall: I knew it was on a numbered street!
19983,66,4,2,Wendy gives to Robin her burger. Robin is going to eat it.
19984,66,4,2,Robin: Finally.
19985,66,4,2,"Marshall (taking Robin's burger in his hands): No! Robin! If any of us is gonna eat a burger tonight, it's gonna be the best burger in New York. We're going downtown! He throws away the burger."
19986,66,4,2,Robin: No...
19987,66,4,2,
19988,66,4,2,In a cab
19989,66,4,2,Marshall: I cannot believe we're finally gonna have this burger
19990,66,4,2,"Lily: Honey, I'm so excited for you. After all these interviews, after all these disappointments, you deserve a triumphant mouth full of meat."
19991,66,4,2,"Barney: You know what else is a mouthful? All that double-talk other banks give you. At Goliath, customer satisfaction is our most important investment."
19992,66,4,2,"Lily: Barney, I hate to break this to you, but working for a bank's kind of lame."
19993,66,4,2,"Barney: How lame is free automatic bill pay? How lame is 3.3% APY online savings? Yeah, that's right. Hate to make you look stupid in front of your friends, but you left me no choice. He laughs."
19994,66,4,2,Ted: We should probably call Regis.
19995,66,4,2,Barney: Reg... (He takes his phone.) That guy scares me. I think I'll leave him a text.
19996,66,4,2,"""Million Dollar: Heads or Tails"" - Studio set"
19997,66,4,2,"Regis Philbin: Now, Kathy, your last flip was heads. The one before that was tails. You polled the audience; they came out split, 50/50. No help at all there. So, for $258,000... I have to ask you, Kathy, what's it gonna be: heads...or... (His phone rings, he reads the text and starts to leave the studio.) Excuse me. Oh, boy. I've got to go. I've got to go!"
19998,66,4,2,In the streets - In front of a green door
19999,66,4,2,"Marshall: Green door, red neon sign. Guys, this is the place. I've actually, I prepared a few words."
20000,66,4,2,Robin (On nerves): I will eat your hand.
20001,66,4,2,Marshall:Let's just go inside then. Shall we?
20002,66,4,2,In the restaurant
20003,66,4,2,"The waitress gives us their burger, except to Robin."
20004,66,4,2,Marshall (to the waitress): Thank you.
20005,66,4,2,Waitress:Yours will be right out.
20006,66,4,2,"Robin: Please, go ahead, start."
20007,66,4,2,They make as if they could wait.
20008,66,4,2,Robin: Just shut up and eat.
20009,66,4,2,Barney: All right.
20010,66,4,2,Everyone starts to eat his burger.
20011,66,4,2,Ted: Oh my god. I'm never brushing my teeth again unless it's with a toothbrush made from this burger.
20012,66,4,2,Lily: I think I just had my first burg-asm.
20013,66,4,2,"Barney: I want... to take this burger out to dinner, then maybe a movie, then take it back to my place, put on a little Terence Trent D'arby, and then I would just... fool around a little bit. Nothing serious, just take it slow, you know?"
20014,66,4,2,Marshall (putting his burger in his plate): This isn't it.
20015,66,4,2,Everybody: What?
20016,66,4,2,Marshall: It's not it.
20017,66,4,2,"Ted: Marshall, you might not want to hear this, but... is it at all possible this is the same"
20018,66,4,2,"burger you had eight years ago, only it could never live up to your ridiculously high expectations?"
20019,66,4,2,"Robin: I mean, it is just a burger."
20020,66,4,2,"Marshall: Just a burger? It's so much more than just a burger. I mean, that first bite... Oh, what heaven that first bite is. The bun, like a sesame-freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below. Flavors mingling in a seductive ""pas de deux"". And then... a pickle the most... playful... little pickle, and then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce, and a... a patty... of ground beef, so... exquisite...swirling in your mouth, breaking apart and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savories so... delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread. This is God... speaking to us through food."
20021,66,4,2,Lily: And you got our wedding vows off the Internet.
20022,66,4,2,"Marshall: Okay, look, so, so this, this isn't the place. All right, it's no big deal. It's another place with a green door and a red neon sign that says ""Burger"". I'll just... I'll call every restaurant in Manhattan and ask 'em what colour their door is. No big deal, right? Let's do this."
20023,66,4,2,He leaves the restaurant.
20024,66,4,2,Robin: I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this isn't just about a burger.
20025,66,4,2,"Lily: Marshall's not doing so well, guys. He really needs to get a job."
20026,66,4,2,Ted: Tell them about the underpants.
20027,66,4,2,Robin: What about the underpants?
20028,66,4,2,Lily: It started a couple of weeks ago.
20029,66,4,2,[Flashback]
20030,66,4,2,"Marshall is lying on the couch, watching TV."
20031,66,4,2,Marshall: Heads! It's going to be heads. It's almost usually heads.
20032,66,4,2,Lily comes in the apartment.
20033,66,4,2,"Lily: Hey, baby."
20034,66,4,2,Marshall: Hey!
20035,66,4,2,Lily: Did you put on pants today?
20036,66,4,2,Marshall: Nope. They laugh.
20037,66,4,2,[End of flashback]
20038,66,4,2,"Lily: It was funny at first, but then it became a daily thing. I thought, ""Okay, well, at least he's not leaving the house like that."" Then, one day, he opened the door to get the paper. Day after that, went downstairs to get the mail."
20039,66,4,2,"Ted: Everyone's got an underpants radius. For most of us, it's the distance from the bedroom to the bathroom, but as your self-esteem gets smaller, your underpants radius gets bigger."
20040,66,4,2,Robin: How big is Marshall's underpants radius?
20041,66,4,2,[Flashback]
20042,66,4,2,Veggie Heaven
20043,66,4,2,Marshall: We're going.
20044,66,4,2,He gets up from table and we can see that he's wearing underpants.
20045,66,4,2,[End of flashback]
20046,66,4,2,"Ted: Come on, Lily, he'll find a job eventually."
20047,66,4,2,"Barney: You know, Lil, when times are tough, I like to remember the uplifting words of my favourite song. He starts singing. ""We'll be on your side when you need a friend. Through thick and thin you can always depend. On the world leaders in credit and banking. Goliath National Bank."" Member FDIC."
20048,66,4,2,Lily: We've got to find Marshall that burger.
20049,66,4,2,"Ted: Lily, I think we're all eating that burger."
20050,66,4,2,Robin: I'm not eating that burger.
20051,66,4,2,"Lily: No, if Marshall says this isn't the burger, this isn't it."
20052,66,4,2,The waitress arrives with Robin's burger.
20053,66,4,2,Robin: Finally.
20054,66,4,2,"Lily: Excuse me. Did you guys change cooks or something? Because my husband was here 5 years ago, he's sure he had a different burger. Robin is trying to take the plate."
20055,66,4,2,"Waitress: Yeah, we get this a lot. This place is modelled after this other place uptown with the same green door and ""Burger"" sign."
20056,66,4,2,Ted: What? Uptown? Where?
20057,66,4,2,Waitress: 106th and Manhattan Avenue.
20058,66,4,2,"Robin takes her plate when Ted, Lily and Barney are leaving the restaurant. She's going to eat the burger when Barney makes her sign to come."
20059,66,4,2,Robin: Damn it.
20060,66,4,2,In a cab
20061,66,4,2,Marshall: 106. A numbered street. Of course.
20062,66,4,2,Barney's phone rings. He answers.
20063,66,4,2,Barney: Barney Stinson.
20064,66,4,2,"Regis Philbin (in front of the last restaurant): Barney, where the hell are you?"
20065,66,4,2,"Barney: I'm sorry, this is...?"
20066,66,4,2,Regis Philbin: Regis. I'm at the place.
20067,66,4,2,"Barney: Of course. I'm sorry, I forgot to call you. That's not the place. The real place is on 106th and Manhattan Avenue. We're headed there right now."
20068,66,4,2,"Regis Philbin: What? Uptown? He breaks a mail box. Fine, fine, I'll be there in 20. If you get there first, medium rare."
20069,66,4,2,Barney: Onions?
20070,66,4,2,Regis Philbin (screaming): Onions?
20071,66,4,2,"Barney: Okay, no onions."
20072,66,4,2,Marshall: Stop the cab!
20073,66,4,2,They come down from the taxi and Marshall begins to look for the famous green door.
20074,66,4,2,Marshall: Wait. This is it.
20075,66,4,2,Man in the streets: Your search is over. We got girls taking off their clothes.
20076,66,4,2,Marshall: This is it.
20077,66,4,2,They discover a Goliath National Bank ATM.
20078,66,4,2,"Barney: One of 9,000 convenient locations."
20079,66,4,2,Marshall: It was ri... it was right here. It was... it was right on this very spot.
20080,66,4,2,Robin: I don't understand. Where is the burger place?
20081,66,4,2,Ted: It's not a burger place anymore; it's a Goliath National Bank ATM.
20082,66,4,2,Robin (getting crazy): That's fine. Let's just eat here.
20083,66,4,2,Ted: We can't eat here. It's an ATM.
20084,66,4,2,Robin: But... food.
20085,66,4,2,Lily starting to hit Barney with her fits.
20086,66,4,2,Barney: What the...
20087,66,4,2,"Lily: This is your fault, you and your stupid bank. You did this."
20088,66,4,2,"Barney: It's not my... Stop, okay. She hits his knee. Stop that, Lily."
20089,66,4,2,"Lily: I will never use a Goliath ATM ever again. Goliath National Bank sucks. It's the worst bank on the face of the earth. Attention, New Yorkers, this bank sucks! They suck!"
20090,66,4,2,"Barney: Marshall, Geez."
20091,66,4,2,"Lily: They suck, suck!"
20092,66,4,2,Barney: Will you just tell her already?
20093,66,4,2,Lily: Tell me what? Tell me what?
20094,66,4,2,Marshall: I got a job.
20095,66,4,2,Lily: What? Where?
20096,66,4,2,"Marshall: Goliath National Bank. That's why Barney's been going on and on about how, how great Goliath is. He wanted you to be excited for me since we will to working together."
20097,66,4,2,"Barney: Well, technically not together. You won't have access to my floor."
20098,66,4,2,Lily: But you want to be an environmental lawyer.
20099,66,4,2,"Marshall: Yeah and I also want to be a Harlem Globetrotter and get paid in candy, but in the meantime, I need a job, and this is, this is a really good one. It's great pay and there's good benefits, and to be honest, it gives me a reason to put on pants in the morning. You know, I have my whole life to save the planet, but right now I'm kind of really excited to wear pants again."
20100,66,4,2,Lily: You've got great pants.
20101,66,4,2,Marshall: I love you.
20102,66,4,2,Lily: I love you.
20103,66,4,2,They hug while Robin is searching into the dustbin.
20104,66,4,2,"Ted: Robin, no!"
20105,66,4,2,Robin: They're unopened.
20106,66,4,2,Ted: Give it.
20107,66,4,2,Robin: They're barbecue.
20108,66,4,2,Ted: Give it!
20109,66,4,2,He takes her a package of chips.
20110,66,4,2,Lily: I'm sorry you didn't get your burger.
20111,66,4,2,"Marshall: It's stupid. I think about that first week in New York. You know? I was 22 years old. I had my whole future ahead of me. I guess I just kind of thought that if I could have that burger one more time and feel that way for one more night, that I might be able to check that off the list, and grow up, go work for the stupid bank, and just... be happy."
20112,66,4,2,"Man: You know, that burger place isn't gone. It just moved to a new location. And I can tell you where that is for a hundred bucks."
20113,66,4,2,Robin (Licking an envelope.): A hundred bucks? That's crazy.
20114,66,4,2,Marshall: Let's pay the man.
20115,66,4,2,Lily: I paid for the cab.
20116,66,4,2,Ted: I have any cash.
20117,66,4,2,Marshall: I haven't worked since March.
20118,66,4,2,"Barney: If only there were an easy, convenient way to get some cash right now."
20119,66,4,2,They all turn around face to the Goliath ATM.
20120,66,4,2,Barney: Member FDIC.
20121,66,4,2,"Ted from 2030: So we paid the guy, and 20 minutes later..."
20122,66,4,2,Restaurant
20123,66,4,2,The man tattooed from head to foot brings to Marshall his plate.
20124,66,4,2,Marshall: Thank you.
20125,66,4,2,"Ted: All right, Marshall, remember. It might not taste as good. This place has changed, you've changed, New York has changed. Just... don't get your hopes up too high, okay?"
20126,66,4,2,He begins to crunch his burger slowly.
20127,66,4,2,Marshall: This is it.
20128,66,4,2,Everybody: Yes!
20129,66,4,2,"Marshall: It's exactly the same. It's the best burger in New York. Go ahead, eat up, eat up."
20130,66,4,2,Everyone starts to eat.
20131,66,4,2,"Ted from 2030: And so, after finally tasting again the burger he'd craved for so many years, Marshall got up the next morning, put on some pants, and went to work, and he never looked back."
20132,66,4,2,"Lily: I want to get tiny fitted sheets for this burger, and just... crawl into this bun, get all cosy, and die there."
20133,66,4,2,"Robin: Oh, my God. I just want you inside of me."
20134,66,4,2,Barney: This feels so good. I'm worried I'm gonna get this burger pregnant.
20135,66,4,2,"Marshall: If he does get that burger pregnant, I have dibs on the delicious burger babies."
20136,66,4,2,Regis Philbin: This isn't it.
20137,66,4,2,Everybody: What? Come on.
20138,66,4,2,Regis gets up.
20139,66,4,2,Barney: That's outrageous.
20140,66,4,2,Regis: That is unbelievable. Wait. This is it!
20141,66,4,2,Marshall: You were just freakin' teasing us.
20142,67,4,3,"Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin are in McClaren's."
20143,67,4,3,"Ted (2030): During the fall of 2008, I had a little problem."
20144,67,4,3,Barney comes dressed in a odd.
20145,67,4,3,"Barney: Well, I must go to Stella. Tonight is the big night. I tried before, I always failed. This time I will succeed. Tonight... I am a lesbian. Robin, your lipstick."
20146,67,4,3,"Ted: Oh, no! Take pictures, okay?"
20147,67,4,3,"Barney: Hi, Ted."
20148,67,4,3,"Ted (2030): I lived in New York, but Stella was living across the river in New Jersey..."
20149,67,4,3,"Ted comes home and finds Stella on the couch, asleep, in undress."
20150,67,4,3,"Ted: Oh, no!"
20151,67,4,3,Ted (2030):... So I took the train all the time.
20152,67,4,3,"Man: What's up, Ted?"
20153,67,4,3,"Ted: Hi, Matisse."
20154,67,4,3,Ted arrives at the bar.
20155,67,4,3,Marshall: Theodore!
20156,67,4,3,Barney: T-Diddy! You've missed that!
20157,67,4,3,Lily: Robin has had the job of presenter.
20158,67,4,3,Robin: And we have a free bottle of champagne.
20159,67,4,3,Marshall: But it's empty now.
20160,67,4,3,"Ted: Oh, no!"
20161,67,4,3,"Ted (2030): So, it was always as if I missed any."
20162,67,4,3,Ted comes back with Stella where she is at table with her daughter.
20163,67,4,3,"Stella: Sorry, we could not wait. It cooled."
20164,67,4,3,"Ted: Oh, no!"
20165,67,4,3,"Lucy: Hey, big."
20166,67,4,3,"Ted: What's up, G?"
20167,67,4,3,Stella: Are you okay?
20168,67,4,3,"Ted: Yeah, okay. It's just that... You know, I want to spend time with you, with my friends. I seem to spend my life on the train."
20169,67,4,3,"Stella: Exactly, why not you invited your friends to come here?"
20170,67,4,3,Ted: It's a great idea.
20171,67,4,3,"Marshall, Lily, Barney and Ted are in the bar."
20172,67,4,3,"Marshall: You want us to go in New Jersey? Oh, that's great."
20173,67,4,3,Ted: Why?
20174,67,4,3,"Barney: First, I no longer have my gold medallions. I sold them when they are out of date, 400 years ago."
20175,67,4,3,Ted: Lily?
20176,67,4,3,"Lily: I'm sorry, Ted. I am a New Yorker pure juice. I am programmed to despise and hate New Jersey and all it represents. Why I say that? You hate him more than anyone."
20177,67,4,3,Ted: What? I love New Jersey. Why you say that?
20178,67,4,3,Flashback
20179,67,4,3,Ted returned to the apartment.
20180,67,4,3,"Ted: And then he walks past me. I hate you not respect the queue more than New Jersey. In fact, this is false. There's nothing I hate more than New Jersey."
20181,67,4,3,Then he arrives at the bar with a T-shirt indicating he did not like New Jersey.
20182,67,4,3,"Ted: Great, huh?"
20183,67,4,3,Marshall and Lily out of the apartment.
20184,67,4,3,Marshall: It's waiting for you?
20185,67,4,3,"Ted: No, it'll take a while. I have to drop a massive New Jersey."
20186,67,4,3,End flashback
20187,67,4,3,"Ted: So New Jersey is not my favorite place. But when we get married, and they have moved in with me, I will never stay there. Unless I see the Giants and I evacuated New York or I get rid of a body."
20188,67,4,3,"Lily: Ted, if you murdered me and bury me in New Jersey, I'll haunt thee for ever."
20189,67,4,3,Ted: And if I assassinate and bury you somewhere else?
20190,67,4,3,Lily: I'll leave you alone. I'm sure you had your reasons.
20191,67,4,3,GENERIC
20192,67,4,3,"Ted (2030): Children, your Aunt Robin was tired of his job, tired of lousy production..."
20193,67,4,3,"Robin: I am Robin Scherbatsky, and you look... (The Metro M falls) Etro New One to 23h. (Thus the one from 11 pm) And again at 1am."
20194,67,4,3,Ted (2030):... tired of the stories she had to announce.
20195,67,4,3,Robin: So hurry up and vote for the cutest dog in New York.
20196,67,4,3,"Ted (2030):... and most of all, fed up with stupid puns."
20197,67,4,3,"Robin: Four workers were electrocuted when a subway train derailed. Stay here for more... de-rail shocking. Joel, people died."
20198,67,4,3,"Ted (2030): So, when she knew she was national presenter, she could finally say the words she longed to say for years."
20199,67,4,3,"Lily, Marshall, Barney and Ted Metro New One look at the bar."
20200,67,4,3,"Robin: Tonight is my last issue. I arrived in Metro New One as a small caterpillar. And for 4 years, this office was my cocoon.But tonight, I turned into a butterfly ambitious."
20201,67,4,3,Marshall: Why it looks silly? She had a stroke?
20202,67,4,3,"Ted: Yeah, a stroke of genius. This speech is really good."
20203,67,4,3,"Robin: With an eye on the horizon, a look at the truth, and an eye on you all."
20204,67,4,3,"Lily: It's you who wrote, right?"
20205,67,4,3,Ted: This is a modified version of one I did when I left the swim team because of an ear problem.
20206,67,4,3,Marshall: You wore towels.
20207,67,4,3,Ted: It's part of the team.
20208,67,4,3,"Ted (2030): This Saturday, when Robin left for his first day, we crossed the river to experience the amazing nightlife of New Jersey."
20209,67,4,3,The band is at Stella except Robin.
20210,67,4,3,"Ted: Stella has not found a babysitter, you're stuck. Instead, we'll all stay here and it'll be awesome."
20211,67,4,3,"Stella: Well, there are games, there are movies. And there shall be beer in the garage."
20212,67,4,3,Stella goes out to the garage.
20213,67,4,3,"Marshall: It's pathetic. It's Saturday night. We should get drunk in a bar. I know this sounds depressing, almost tragic, but it is a fact."
20214,67,4,3,"Barney: Yeah, and I want another drink for this girl, Doris. I know I can ask this aircraft lesbian."
20215,67,4,3,Marshall: No snakes on that plane.
20216,67,4,3,"Ted: Come on guys, you promised. We stay there and we try to have fun. We're all here. Being with friends. It's not that the primary?"
20217,67,4,3,"Lily: With the next train, you can be in McClaren's to 23h."
20218,67,4,3,Barney: You can be at 22h.
20219,67,4,3,"Lily: No, I have to change. I'm not feeling in New Jersey."
20220,67,4,3,Stella came back with beers in their hands.
20221,67,4,3,Stella: You really hate this part.
20222,67,4,3,Marshall: What? No!
20223,67,4,3,"Stella: No, I understand, you're New Yorkers, you need a bar.You could go to the coolest bar in the state, which is so close that you will not believe it. (They descend the basement) and bang, here. The coolest bar in New Jersey."
20224,67,4,3,"Lily: Yeah, probably."
20225,67,4,3,Ted: That's great! We have darts. A half ping-pong. An aquarium. Look how it's getting a great night as planned. One could make the bait and watch them fight.
20226,67,4,3,Barney: No thank you. I play not with aquariums unless they are my two favorite animals: the pilot fish and torturlute. Did you see!
20227,67,4,3,Ted: For torturlute? You're right.
20228,67,4,3,Barney: Marshall.
20229,67,4,3,Marshall: You deserve better than that.
20230,67,4,3,Barney: Lily.
20231,67,4,3,Lily: Not good enough.
20232,67,4,3,Barney: Stella.
20233,67,4,3,Stella: Sorry.
20234,67,4,3,"Barney: I fall not rest until we not make me respect for another person's knuckles brushing against mine so sweet, but manly.Small, small... Small, small... Small... Who's the baby? Know that as long as it does not have what he wants. No, deserves.This fist will not waver. It... bow... not."
20235,67,4,3,Stella: Who wants to play Scrabble?
20236,67,4,3,"Lily: Yes, why not."
20237,67,4,3,"Stella: Look, the letter ""X"" is a bit difficult to read because a few years ago, she walked into my dog. You know, we should get a dog when you come to live here."
20238,67,4,3,Ted: When I what?
20239,67,4,3,Stella: Super. This is Robin.
20240,67,4,3,She gets up and goes back to go open the door.
20241,67,4,3,Lily: I thought they came to live with you.
20242,67,4,3,"Ted: Me too. My God, I moved to New Jersey?"
20243,67,4,3,"Barney: Guys, I'm sure the dog had to soaring after swallowing the tablet X. Too good! Go!"
20244,67,4,3,Ted: I can not live here.
20245,67,4,3,"Marshall: It's not so bad. You can put a mini fridge, there, and perhaps an air hockey."
20246,67,4,3,Barney: Air Hockey. Well done my fat.
20247,67,4,3,"Ted: I speak of New Jersey in general, not the basement. She wants me moved? I do not get it. It was discussed there for months."
20248,67,4,3,Flashback
20249,67,4,3,Ted and Stella have a drink at the apartment.
20250,67,4,3,"Ted: I thought that after marriage, Lucy and you could sit here."
20251,67,4,3,"Stella: Yeah, it could play in the fire escape, be friend with the guy who sleeps on a couch in the driveway, biking on Broadway. Great idea, Ted."
20252,67,4,3,End flashback
20253,67,4,3,Ted: I understand why they want to live in New Jersey when you can live in Manhattan? I thought my apartment was one of his reasons for marrying me.
20254,67,4,3,"Barney: Seriously, I thought it was the only one. Too much!(Robin arrives in the basement) You're glowing. Tape the Barnacle."
20255,67,4,3,Robin: Stella has already warned me.
20256,67,4,3,"Marshall: So, your first day?"
20257,67,4,3,Robin: It was not.
20258,67,4,3,All: What?
20259,67,4,3,"Robin: It was not my first day. I arrived and there were 20 people. In fact, I have not really got the job. I just had an interview."
20260,67,4,3,Barney: How so?
20261,67,4,3,Robin: I know. He told me that I had had it.
20262,67,4,3,Flashback
20263,67,4,3,"Robin is in the toilet of the bar, on the phone."
20264,67,4,3,Robin: I got it? I got it!
20265,67,4,3,Robin puts his phone and dance.
20266,67,4,3,"Voice: Let's be clear, when I say ""you"", I mean the interview.You have the interview. I do not want there to be confusion.You only maintenance. Not the job."
20267,67,4,3,She takes her phone.
20268,67,4,3,Robin: Thank you! Thank you!
20269,67,4,3,End flashback
20270,67,4,3,Robin: I'll call and beg Joel for giving me my job.
20271,67,4,3,Marshall: No!
20272,67,4,3,Lily: You hate that job.
20273,67,4,3,Robin: It was not so bad.
20274,67,4,3,Lily: How they made you call the Hurricane Hector when he was pouring with rain?
20275,67,4,3,Robin: A cycorde.
20276,67,4,3,Marshall: You're in the eye of cycorde.
20277,67,4,3,Ted: Thank you.
20278,67,4,3,Barney: Naughty.
20279,67,4,3,"Robin: That sucks, but I can do what? I will not have another job. You would have seen other women in the interview. They were all more experienced, more ""ethnic"". There was a black girl with blue eyes. How can I compete?"
20280,67,4,3,Barney: You can not.
20281,67,4,3,"Lily: You can compete with anyone. You're Robin Scherbatsky. Confident, strong, great. With super long legs that look great in shorts."
20282,67,4,3,Robin: I called Joel.
20283,67,4,3,"Barney: If you call now, you'll regret it. I slept with me full of women who were then sent to graze and then decamped. And sometimes they take the phone and they call me and do it again. And when we finished, I see that look on their faces, that look that says they hate themselves and they would never have known. But if you could see this look... In fact, you can see that look, there is a video,  m http://www.. m ."
20284,67,4,3,Robin: Come on. I will not call.
20285,67,4,3,"Stella (descending): not Drink Beer! I remember when I bought it. That was before she became pregnant with Lucy. You can go pick on PriceCo? While you will be there, get yourself a map. You surely will go there all the time."
20286,67,4,3,Barney: This is the look.
20287,67,4,3,
20288,67,4,3,Ted and Marshall are at the supermarket.
20289,67,4,3,Ted: I can not live here. I hate being here. I would kill myself.
20290,67,4,3,"Marshall: New Jersey is not so bad. Stella has a lawn. You can have a lawn mower. They sell there. I've seen with a cup holder. I saw a deck chair with a cup holder. I even saw a hammock with a cup holder. You live in New Jersey, you will not have to hold a cup."
20291,67,4,3,"Ted: It asks me no problem holding a cup, unlike you."
20292,67,4,3,Stella...
20293,67,4,3,Barney: I'll give you $ 100 for hitting my fist. $ 200.
20294,67,4,3,"Lily: Drop it, Barney. Your arm should make you suffer."
20295,67,4,3,Barney: $ 10 000.
20296,67,4,3,At the supermarket...
20297,67,4,3,Marshall: You'll be on the other side of the river. You'll be in New York all the time.
20298,67,4,3,Ted: I'm sorry. You are in New York?
20299,67,4,3,Woman: We lived in Manhattan.
20300,67,4,3,Ted: Are you in town?
20301,67,4,3,Woman: All the time.
20302,67,4,3,Marshall: You see? All the time.
20303,67,4,3,Ted: When was the last time?
20304,67,4,3,Man: We dined with O'Rourke.
20305,67,4,3,Ted: It's been closed for six years.
20306,67,4,3,"Woman: It's been a while. Funny, not that we lack."
20307,67,4,3,"Man: I guess is the New Jersey-vegans, now. Honey, look, T-shirt with dogs."
20308,67,4,3,Ted: I can not do that. I'll tell Stella she and Lucy are coming to town and that's it.
20309,67,4,3,"Marshall: What do you think guys? Beagle, or Boston terrier?"
20310,67,4,3,Stella...
20311,67,4,3,Lily: It's the tears?
20312,67,4,3,Barney: They are magnificent... manly tears of pain. They are not emotional. They are a little emotional.
20313,67,4,3,Lily: Where is Robin?
20314,67,4,3,They date back to the lounge where Robin phone.
20315,67,4,3,"Robin: Shirley, this is Robin. I called Joel."
20316,67,4,3,"Barney: Robin, hangs up. Do not do that."
20317,67,4,3,"Robin: Sorry, I know, OK?"
20318,67,4,3,Lily: If you hang up no...
20319,67,4,3,"Robin: Stop! Joel, this is Robin."
20320,67,4,3,"Joel: So, Ms. Papillon wants to return to his cocoon."
20321,67,4,3,Robin: I'm sorry for saying all this stuff.
20322,67,4,3,"Joel: You can put your socks with your apology, for you have already been replaced. Brian is the makeup and it could not be more excited."
20323,67,4,3,Biran: I can not do that. I can not do that.
20324,67,4,3,"Joel: Look, although I want to see what college is over for the camera, if you can be here for the 23h, you can get your job."
20325,67,4,3,Robin hangs up.
20326,67,4,3,"Robin: Ok, I have half an hour to arrive at the studio."
20327,67,4,3,Lily: You can never be in town in 30 minutes.
20328,67,4,3,"Barney: Do not do it. It's scary to bet on itself, if you do not, nobody will. I'm not saying that to pat my fist. Even if a punch would be great. I mean it."
20329,67,4,3,Robin: I bet on me. I bet I can be there for 23h.
20330,67,4,3,She leaves home and takes Stella the bike that is on the porch. It is 10:31 p.m.. Marshall and Ted back.
20331,67,4,3,Stella: You got the beer?
20332,67,4,3,"Ted: Yeah, I took a pack of 144. The rest is in the trunk."
20333,67,4,3,Stella: And you registered?
20334,67,4,3,Ted: No.
20335,67,4,3,Stella: Why?
20336,67,4,3,"Ted: Was in line for the pictures, my hair is in the air... I want to live in New Jersey."
20337,67,4,3,Stella: What?
20338,67,4,3,Ted: I can not. And I see no reason that you did not come to New York.
20339,67,4,3,"Stella: My daughter goes to school here. All his friends are here. I have lived here all my life. My whole family is here. This is my house. I'm at the EPA. And since June 1, I am the deputy mayor."
20340,67,4,3,"Ted: Yes, but my apartment is close to the Metro."
20341,67,4,3,"Stella: It moves not, end of discussion."
20342,67,4,3,"Ted: How does it ""end of discussion""? It never was."
20343,67,4,3,Stella: That's what being a parent. I want to uproot Lucy.
20344,67,4,3,Ted: People with kids are moving all the time. It would be great for Lucy to grow up in the largest city in the world.
20345,67,4,3,Stella: It is. New York is the largest city in the world. Where the dream come true and of pigeon sh1t tastes like tapioca. Want a little secret? New Jersey... is better than New York.
20346,67,4,3,Ted: Better than...? You think...? I... The Empire State Buil...H and H Bage... The center Linco... Zabar's... Papaya King.New York is the cultural and intellectual center of the planet.
20347,67,4,3,"Stella: New York is full of crazies, snobs and bad people. You know that once an old woman called me a slut and gave me a cat in his face? And you want to know if it's the same in New Jersey? 86th and Lex, right in front of your dear little Papaya King. The people of New Jersey are nice. This is the kind of place where you know your neighbors."
20348,67,4,3,"Ted: Hey, I know my neighbors!"
20349,67,4,3,"Stella: Yes, that kind?"
20350,67,4,3,"Ted: At the other end of the hall, there is... Clax... pa... I."
20351,67,4,3,Stella: Claxpamon?
20352,67,4,3,Lily: It is called Paxton.
20353,67,4,3,Ted: I love this guy.
20354,67,4,3,"10:47 p.m., Robin is the bike on the train."
20355,67,4,3,"Robin: Sorry, I'm in a hurry. I go to before I go down first."
20356,67,4,3,Matisse: Do not spill Matisse.
20357,67,4,3,Basement of Stella...
20358,67,4,3,"Lily: Ok, this is crazy. You can not believe that New Jersey is better than New York. In New York, there was Broadway. No need to say more."
20359,67,4,3,"Barney: Oh, yes. Tape for safety."
20360,67,4,3,Stella: It was Atlantic City.
20361,67,4,3,Barney: You can not beat A.C. Pity! Nobody needs to know.
20362,67,4,3,Ted: New York has Greenwich Village.
20363,67,4,3,Stella: New Jersey coast.
20364,67,4,3,Barney: Chronicles of the Oscar-winning on urban neurotic.Tape!
20365,67,4,3,Stella: Bruce Springsteen.
20366,67,4,3,Ted: Sinatra.
20367,67,4,3,Stella: It's in Hoboken... New Jersey.
20368,67,4,3,"Ted: But that city he sings? This is not ""Secaucus, Secaucus."""
20369,67,4,3,"10:56 p.m., Robin slalom between the cars."
20370,67,4,3,"Ted (2030): Children, believe it or not, but Aunt Robin swears it happened like this..."
20371,67,4,3,Robin takes flight and goes over the cars creating a traffic jam.
20372,67,4,3,Stella...
20373,67,4,3,"Lily: Look, Stella, I understand that coming from New Jersey, you think not to like New York, but believe me, Marshall did not believe it either, and now he would move for anything."
20374,67,4,3,"Marshall: I hate New York! Sorry, but it's true. Today, I passed PriceCo. You've already been? It's huge. The New York stores are cramped. When I turn, I spill something. I'm like a big monster out of the ocean to destroy bodegas."
20375,67,4,3,"Lily: but, Marshall, you love New York."
20376,67,4,3,"Marshall: Yes, except I hate it. I'm too big for New York! I try to hold seats in the cramped subway or stoop under doors over 150 years. People are taller, have larger doors. What is your problem?"
20377,67,4,3,"Barney: Small town, big men, then tope."
20378,67,4,3,"Marshall: It is too noisy, all the time. Yes, it is the city that never sleeps. Well, I would sleep well. I'm tired for 8 years. Tired and scared, with black and blue marks on my elbows to try to keep between the gateway for elves. New Jersey's great. There are department stores, and lawn and you do not have to wear a cup. For the rest of your life. I'm not afraid to say so. I love New Jersey. Just kidding."
20379,67,4,3,"Ted: I understand, OK? I see what you mean. I guess... we could live in Brooklyn."
20380,67,4,3,"Stella: You know what, Ted... Live wherever you want. I do not care."
20381,67,4,3,Stella back.
20382,67,4,3,Barney: Silence embarrassed. Tope then.
20383,67,4,3,Ted goes upstairs to see Stella.
20384,67,4,3,"Ted: Hey, Lucy. What are you doing up?"
20385,67,4,3,Lucy: There was noise in the cellar.
20386,67,4,3,Ted: Sorry. Go back to sleep.
20387,67,4,3,Lucy: I can not sleep without a story.
20388,67,4,3,"Ted: Ok, I'll get your mom..."
20389,67,4,3,Lucy: Why do you not read me one?
20390,67,4,3,Ted: Let's go.
20391,67,4,3,Ted reads a story to Lucy while Stella is sitting on the stairs.Lucy falls asleep and Ted goes down to the lounge where he hugged from behind Stella.
20392,67,4,3,Ted: I moved here.
20393,67,4,3,Stella: Really?
20394,67,4,3,Ted: Really. New Jersey wins.
20395,67,4,3,"10:59 p.m., Robin arrives at the studio of Metro New One."
20396,67,4,3,"Robin: Oh, thank you! Wait. Good evening, New York."
20397,67,4,3,"Barney: Look, it did."
20398,67,4,3,"Robin: Our story tonight, the baby panda at the zoo in Central Park made his first tooth today. I think that makes him a... Bear molar. Bear molar. Bear molar. You know what? It's really over for me. Good night, New York."
20399,67,4,3,Lily: It really stops.
20400,67,4,3,Barney: You think you're there for something?
20401,67,4,3,"Lily: I think so. Good job, Barney."
20402,67,4,3,"Barney: Oh, my God! Thank you! Oh, I killed my arm. My arm has never been so sore since I was 13 the day I knew how to close the bathroom. Cool!"
20403,67,4,3,"Stella, Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall are at the bar and joined Robin. Barney again the bars in the air."
20404,67,4,3,Lily: What's the matter?
20405,67,4,3,Robin: I have not officially got the job.
20406,67,4,3,Lily: I'm sorry.
20407,67,4,3,Robin: It's OK. They offer me another.
20408,67,4,3,Ted: It's great. This is for what?
20409,67,4,3,Robin: Foreign Correspondent. I... moved to Japan.
20410,67,4,3,Barney lowers his arm.
20411,68,4,4,"Marshall, Lily, Ted and Robin are in McClaren's."
20412,68,4,4,Robin: Barney's crazy if he thinks it'll work.
20413,68,4,4,Marshall: I think it'll work.
20414,68,4,4,Lily: I hope not.
20415,68,4,4,Ted: There he is.
20416,68,4,4,"Barney arrives at the bar, disguised as a senior."
20417,68,4,4,"Barney (old): You there, what's your name?"
20418,68,4,4,Woman: Excuse me?
20419,68,4,4,"Barney (old): Your name, woman, what's your name?"
20420,68,4,4,Wife Cindy.
20421,68,4,4,"Barney (old): I knew it. You are ""the"" Cindy, one that can change everything and bring us to our downfall. Listen to me, Cindy. I am Barney Stinson, and I have an urgent mission from the future."
20422,68,4,4,Cindy: From the future?
20423,68,4,4,"Barney (old): The future, and I can prove it to you. In exactly four seconds, the woman at this table will slap this man."
20424,68,4,4,Robin slaps Ted.
20425,68,4,4,Ted: What are you doing?
20426,68,4,4,"Barney: In a few minutes, the young me your time will enter through this door. I know it sounds crazy, but to save the planet, you have to sleep with him tonight."
20427,68,4,4,Cindy: What? I...
20428,68,4,4,"Barney (old) to bed with Barney Stinson tonight, do whatever he wants, or he will find no solution to global warming that would save the human race."
20429,68,4,4,Cindy: You mean what?
20430,68,4,4,"Barney (old): I have not the time to explain. I must return to reality accelerator before the vortex closes. Only you can save us, Cindy. I must go!"
20431,68,4,4,Barney leaves the bar.
20432,68,4,4,"Lily: Well, the movers arrive in 14 hours. We have to go back to finish the boxes."
20433,68,4,4,Robin: You have not finished? Why is it so long?
20434,68,4,4,Ted: The best memories of our 20 years were held in it. It's not that throw stuff in a box. You look back at the past.
20435,68,4,4,Robin: Not me. The key? Discard tips and not looking back. I go to Japan. It took me half an hour.
20436,68,4,4,Lily: A half hour?
20437,68,4,4,"Robin: I could take 20 minutes, but a friend called me in tears."
20438,68,4,4,Marshall: Moving is very moving.
20439,68,4,4,"Ted: But it is. Finally, everything changes. I will live with Stella, you will be in your new apartment. You start a new job in Tokyo. This is the end of an era. We should make a toast, but not with the usual sh1t. Your bottle of Scotch the most expensive."
20440,68,4,4,"Wendy: This is a Glen McKenna 50 years, and it is $ 2 500."
20441,68,4,4,"Ted: Excellent. A bottle of beer with it, and what do you think will cancel the Scotch?"
20442,68,4,4,Barney enters the bar.
20443,68,4,4,Barney: Vive la vodka.
20444,68,4,4,Robin: It will not work.
20445,68,4,4,"Cindy: My God, you are... ho, my God! I offer you a drink?"
20446,68,4,4,"Barney: I guess I have time for a drink and 45 minutes to an hour for other activities, but after that, I must return to the top secret research project I'm working on."
20447,68,4,4,Cindy: Global warming?
20448,68,4,4,Barney: My God! How do you know that?
20449,68,4,4,GENERIC
20450,68,4,4,"Marshall, Lily, Robin and Ted are the cartoons."
20451,68,4,4,Ted: Look at this. A photo of the day we moved. So many good memories.
20452,68,4,4,"Robin: Well, that's exactly the kind of crap to throw away."
20453,68,4,4,Ted: So you keep a photograph?
20454,68,4,4,"Robin: It's like love letters, directories or the ashes of people.They take up space. In addition, she will let you not keep half your mess."
20455,68,4,4,Ted: Why not?
20456,68,4,4,"Lily: Oh, dear. That's what the guys know that after moving in with a woman. All your stuff are idiots."
20457,68,4,4,Ted: Like what?
20458,68,4,4,Lily: Like everything else you bought the medieval festivals.
20459,68,4,4,Ted: There is not enough drinks in the world that I drop my scourge.
20460,68,4,4,"Marshall: As you will not get bail, I thought you could pay me half."
20461,68,4,4,"Ted: Wait, why I pay more?"
20462,68,4,4,Marshall: Because you've treated this apart as John Bonham treated his nervous system.
20463,68,4,4,Ted: That's not true.
20464,68,4,4,Marshall: Proof A.
20465,68,4,4,He draws a card and reveals a wall damaged.
20466,68,4,4,Flashback
20467,68,4,4,Marshall entered the apartment. Ted puts his books on shelves.
20468,68,4,4,Marshall: What is it?
20469,68,4,4,"Ted: An Encyclopedia ""World Book"" of 1986. It is with these that I grew up."
20470,68,4,4,Marshall: Encyclopedia?
20471,68,4,4,"Ted: Do you think we should say-die encyclo-pil. It's a common mistake. But if you look at the direction of the bar on the ""e"". The symbol of this encyclopedia, you'll know it is a diacritic which aims to change..."
20472,68,4,4,The shelves and take away the plaster fall with them.
20473,68,4,4,"Marshall: You know, it'll have you ""dia-pays"" for it."
20474,68,4,4,End flashback
20475,68,4,4,"Marshall: But you've ever done. Second, the evidence B."
20476,68,4,4,Flashback
20477,68,4,4,"Ted entered the apartment, disguised."
20478,68,4,4,"Ted: Hello, good topics. Look what I won at the festival."
20479,68,4,4,He turned his scourge and pat on the ceiling.
20480,68,4,4,End flashback
20481,68,4,4,Marshall: You're also responsible for damage to Robin when she was your girlfriend.
20482,68,4,4,Robin: What damage did I do?
20483,68,4,4,Marshall: Do you remember the time you got drunk the pack of beer and you've become Super Canadian?
20484,68,4,4,Flashback
20485,68,4,4,Robin plays hockey in the apartment.
20486,68,4,4,Robin: Stanley Cup game six? The Rangers will regret having met with the Canucks.
20487,68,4,4,Marshall: $ 20 if you manage to run it through the door.
20488,68,4,4,Robin: You're more amazing than a Tim Hortons donut. Timmy Ho!
20489,68,4,4,It takes Lily and the intercepts.
20490,68,4,4,Lily is Enough. Give me the stick.
20491,68,4,4,"Robin: I'll give you the teeth of happiness. A little here, a little there."
20492,68,4,4,Lily: Give me the stick.
20493,68,4,4,"Robin: Get out, bouseuse."
20494,68,4,4,Lily: Let's go!
20495,68,4,4,Lily throws herself on her to catch the crook.
20496,68,4,4,"Ted: Catch it, guys!"
20497,68,4,4,Robin: I'll break!
20498,68,4,4,They fight.
20499,68,4,4,"Ted: Girls, stop!"
20500,68,4,4,Marshall: For America.
20501,68,4,4,Ted: It's good enough!
20502,68,4,4,Barney: It does not stop a fight between girls! Ever!
20503,68,4,4,"He gives a fist into the wall, and made a hole."
20504,68,4,4,End flashback
20505,68,4,4,"Ted: Barney's fault entirely. As fat burning on the mantelpiece, for that matter."
20506,68,4,4,Flashback
20507,68,4,4,Lots of people are in an apartment.
20508,68,4,4,"Ted (2030): Children, to understand the history of the burn, I must tell you the story of the intervention for our friend, Stewart."
20509,68,4,4,Stewart: What's going on?
20510,68,4,4,Man: This is an intervention.
20511,68,4,4,"Women: Alcohol has changed you, Stewart. We recognize you more. And I love the man I married."
20512,68,4,4,Stewart: Thank you. This is the boost I need. I love you all.
20513,68,4,4,Barney reaches a bottle in his hand.
20514,68,4,4,Barney: This is the man of the evening. It's time to let the monster out of his cage!
20515,68,4,4,Stewart: No.
20516,68,4,4,"Barney: Come on, man. People want to see Bruce Banner.They want Hulk. What?"
20517,68,4,4,(Robin whispers in his ear) That's the invitation to have flown.
20518,68,4,4,"Ted (2030): This evening, we celebrated our first successful intervention."
20519,68,4,4,At the apartment...
20520,68,4,4,Robin: I'm really proud that we have helped Stewart.
20521,68,4,4,"Lily: Yes, what a moment of incredible human sincerity."
20522,68,4,4,Marshall: It's true. We live.
20523,68,4,4,Barney: You're going to seriously continue to wear this hat?
20524,68,4,4,"Lily: Yes, it's been two weeks."
20525,68,4,4,"Marshall: Two wonderful weeks... and oh yes, I will continue to wear it."
20526,68,4,4,He left the apartment with the hat on. The next day...
20527,68,4,4,Lily: This is an intervention.
20528,68,4,4,Ted: About the hat.
20529,68,4,4,Marshall: I control. I can remove it whenever I want.
20530,68,4,4,"Robin: ""Dear Marshall, I do not like that stupid hat. I want to cut with a scythe. Or, cut the chisel, for you looks like a real jerk. """
20531,68,4,4,"Ted (2030): After that, the interventions have become frequent in the apartment."
20532,68,4,4,Lily returns.
20533,68,4,4,Lily: Oh my God. This is one of p'tain of pleasant surprise. This is about what?
20534,68,4,4,Ted: This is about the exaggerated English accent.
20535,68,4,4,Lily: P'tain.
20536,68,4,4,It's time for Robin.
20537,68,4,4,"Robin: Self Tanner? They entice you with a coupon, and after it becomes addictive."
20538,68,4,4,"Lily: We know, darling, you know. This is a brand new vest."
20539,68,4,4,Then Barney.
20540,68,4,4,Barney: What?
20541,68,4,4,Robin: The magic tricks.
20542,68,4,4,"Lily: Specifically, those with fire."
20543,68,4,4,"Barney: The magic tricks? Guys, interventions are meant to help people, not to address every aspect you do not like.Sorry, but it warms me. It makes me boil! I mean, I am filled with a burning rage! (There is a magic trick, but set fire to the banner) Thanks! Oh, sh1t."
20544,68,4,4,Lily: It smells like hair!
20545,68,4,4,Ted (2030): And here the history of the burn.
20546,68,4,4,End flashback
20547,68,4,4,"Ted: It's weird. By removing the closet, I thought I saw the banner."
20548,68,4,4,Marshall: And?
20549,68,4,4,"Ted: And the flag was burned. Why new? And there are letters from you all, with ""Ted"" written on it. You prepare a response for me?"
20550,68,4,4,"Lily: Well, that was stupid. Yes, forget it."
20551,68,4,4,Ted: That was why? The sandals? Hair products?
20552,68,4,4,Marshall: No Stella.
20553,68,4,4,"Ted: My God, it was for Stella."
20554,68,4,4,"Marshall: I just said ""No Stella."" It was perhaps for your hearing problems."
20555,68,4,4,Ted: What?
20556,68,4,4,Marshall: It's getting serious. You see?
20557,68,4,4,Ted: You think I should not marry Stella. You think I should not marry.
20558,68,4,4,Marshall: We want him. We are all really happy for you.
20559,68,4,4,"Lily: Like I said, it was stupid."
20560,68,4,4,"Ted: Obviously, it was not, it had agreed to make interventions more stupid to work on interventions."
20561,68,4,4,Flashback
20562,68,4,4,They are all in the apartment.
20563,68,4,4,Ted: We made too many interventions.
20564,68,4,4,End flashback
20565,68,4,4,Ted: What was your biggest problem with me and Stella?
20566,68,4,4,"Barney (incoming): Yes! In the mouth! You said that the ""Barney the future"" work out. You told me I was crazy. My shrink told me I was crazy. Which is the narcissist with severe emotional disorders, Dr. Grossbard? A banner of intervention?That's what?"
20567,68,4,4,Ted: Stella.
20568,68,4,4,"Barney: ""I can not remain indifferent... """
20569,68,4,4,Ted: You kept it on you?
20570,68,4,4,"Barney: Please. ""I can not remain impassive while you make the biggest mistake a man can do... get married. Keep my words, it will all part... ""Flames! Oh, sh1t! I sent the flame too soon. I had so many important things to say, and... The fact is, Ted, marriage is stupid. Each year there are a million girls aged 22, sexy, who go to bars and call me, ""glass half full"", but I think they become beasts."
20571,68,4,4,"Marshall: Even you, you will meet more girls in 22 years when you get 80."
20572,68,4,4,Barney: I meet this challenge.
20573,68,4,4,Marshall: What challenge?
20574,68,4,4,Barney: Prove that I will be just as great at 80. I'll go out with a girl of 22 years with my old man makeup.
20575,68,4,4,"Marshall: I did not challenge. I would love to see it, but I've not challenged."
20576,68,4,4,Barney part.
20577,68,4,4,Ted: I want to hear the other letters.
20578,68,4,4,Lily: This is ridiculous. It changed his mind.
20579,68,4,4,"Ted: And if you changed yet? Go Lily, listen to yours."
20580,68,4,4,"Lily: ""The capabilities of Gilbert reading have improved considerably... ""This is a letter I had to give one of my students."
20581,68,4,4,
20582,68,4,4,A mother is in her son's room.
20583,68,4,4,Woman: Things go too fast between you and a girl named Stella?
20584,68,4,4,Boy: I'd like.
20585,68,4,4,Ted: I can hear yours?
20586,68,4,4,"Robin: ""Dear Ted, it's encyclo-pe-die, not encyclo-pil-die. Why you always want to say things so pretentious? Looks like a moron, and it's cr-e-tin and non-cr-ay-tin. """
20587,68,4,4,Ted: You've already read the intervention on my pronunciation. Where is the letter of Stella?
20588,68,4,4,"Robin: I have not written. I am your ex. I told myself that everything I say is offensive. In addition, I am sexier it, so who cares?"
20589,68,4,4,Marshall: Water has flowed under the bridge...
20590,68,4,4,Ted: Come on.
20591,68,4,4,"Marshall: ""Dear Ted, Stella seems to be wonderful. But you do not know enough to get married. You do not know probably not enough to get involved in raising a child with her. You do not restore her service or her child or yourself by throwing yourself like that. Just take a little longer. "" It was there for months, OK?That was before we know Stella and that way as she's great and what you train super torque. That's why we decided to not make this statement."
20592,68,4,4,Ted: Thank you. Because I really need you to handle it.
20593,68,4,4,Marshall: And we're here.
20594,68,4,4,Robin: And we hope you're not sorry.
20595,68,4,4,Ted: Of course not. It's not like what you said was nonsense.You you were worried.
20596,68,4,4,Lily: But concerns that a completely expelled.
20597,68,4,4,Ted: But you score a point. It all happened very quickly.
20598,68,4,4,"Marshall: You know what? This may be because... when it's good, you know."
20599,68,4,4,"Ted: I guess, but we are still at the stage where one seeks to know himself. And Lily, you may be right. Stella will not like my stuff. As the robot pot cake. This is the first thing we bought here, remember?"
20600,68,4,4,Marshall: Of course it does. My sensors indicate that your shortbread levels are dangerously low.
20601,68,4,4,"Ted: My collection of James Bond. You know, we looked at them in order, and... Lily spoke with this weird English accent, until the next month?"
20602,68,4,4,Lily: It was sophisticated.
20603,68,4,4,Ted: My cleats signed by Bernie Kosar. My lamp elephant.The English phone booth. My sombrero!
20604,68,4,4,Robin: What are you doing?
20605,68,4,4,Ted: I unpack. I never leave this apartment.
20606,68,4,4,"Lily: Ted, stop unpacking. You're in the process of pinball."
20607,68,4,4,"Ted: I'm not ready for this responsibility, let alone to be the stepfather of a 7 year old daughter. If I get married and moved to the suburbs, in a twinkling, I exchange old!"
20608,68,4,4,"Barney at the bar, again disguised as a senior."
20609,68,4,4,"Barney (old): Good evening, young lady. You want a caramel?What do you mean, ""nothing in common""? We're both older."
20610,68,4,4,Woman: You're cute. How old are you?
20611,68,4,4,Barney: 83 years. How old are you?
20612,68,4,4,Female: 31 years.
20613,68,4,4,At the apartment...
20614,68,4,4,Lily: Ted going bonkers. The movers arrive in 10 hours. His bride awaits in New Jersey. We must do something.
20615,68,4,4,"Marshall: I'm on it. Hey, man?"
20616,68,4,4,Ted: Hey.
20617,68,4,4,Marshall: Come here a minute.
20618,68,4,4,Ted: What?
20619,68,4,4,"Marshall: Know that this is quite normal. The major change can be frightening, and fear... it is one of them. So... why not you give me the knife? Give it to me. Go. That way I can unpack too. I will stay with you forever! We had a nice life here.That's why we rejected the package. Because unconsciously, we all know that it would be stupid to leave. It's safe and warm here. There is a downstairs bar, a robot cookie in the kitchen.This is my house and I never leave!"
20620,68,4,4,"Robin: Listen up! You sound like that big beta colo. ""Mom, Dad, I want to go. Cool boys play hide and seek with my inhaler. """
20621,68,4,4,Marshall: I can not believe my father had read this letter at our wedding.
20622,68,4,4,"Robin: You can not do that to Lily. Your new apartment a few problems with the floor not right and the sewage treatment plant next door, but you will make a great home. Tell her, Lily."
20623,68,4,4,"Lily: This is the black hole where dreams go to die. I move it, either."
20624,68,4,4,Robin: Come on.
20625,68,4,4,"Lily: Guys, finish unpacking. I will bake cookies to fill R2-plump."
20626,68,4,4,"Robin: My God, what a band of cowards! Frightened by the slightest change. Terrified by all that is new. Desperate to cling to your comfort zone. I can not go to Japan. What was I thinking? It's so far. I speak the language. I have not even good pictures of you."
20627,68,4,4,"Lily: Oh, honey."
20628,68,4,4,"Marshall: Everybody says it's good to change, right? But it's what's good?"
20629,68,4,4,"Ted: Who wants to go to the same old bar, sit at the same place and drink the same thing? The same thing! My favorite!"
20630,68,4,4,They arrive at the bar and discovers Barney (old) kissing a woman.
20631,68,4,4,"Ted: Oh, my God!"
20632,68,4,4,Barney: I think someone owes me $ 200.
20633,68,4,4,"Marshall: Barney, it was not a gamble. Person..."
20634,68,4,4,Barney (old): This proves that I will be as great as that when I have 80 years. Tope my arthritis.
20635,68,4,4,Ted: I am moving to New Jersey.
20636,68,4,4,Lily: What?
20637,68,4,4,"Ted: And you should move into the new apartment, and Robin should go to Japan."
20638,68,4,4,Robin: Why?
20639,68,4,4,"Ted: Because it will age like it or not, then the real question is: do we want to go forward or clinging desperately to the past and end up like that?"
20640,68,4,4,"Barney (old): You mean great? I am 80 years old guy, and I pack a girl of 22 years."
20641,68,4,4,"Woman: Take me with you, darling. I want to see your medals from World War II."
20642,68,4,4,Barney (old): In an instant my child.
20643,68,4,4,"Marshall: Okay, it matters not."
20644,68,4,4,Barney (old): What? Why?
20645,68,4,4,"Robin: It is French, it's like playing tennis without a net."
20646,68,4,4,"Ted: You know what? I take care of the warranty. It makes me happy, because every hole in this apartment is a memory I will never forget. But on one condition: you put all 10 tickets aside every week for next year and come back here and buy this tape 50 years of age, and a toast to the incredible year full of change that we had it. Remove from us. My new family and I, Marshall and Lily, in their apartment and Robin in a number of English-language journalists in the West Pacific, ending up here in New York to celebrate this day... The day we closed one chapter of our lives incredibly, to open a new one."
20647,68,4,4,Woman: I had to leave my laptop...
20648,68,4,4,Ted: Remove from here.
20649,68,4,4,In 2009...
20650,68,4,4,"Ted (2030): And a year later, that's exactly what we did."
20651,68,4,4,"Ted: So, let's raise our glasses of scotch at $ 2 500 for a year of hell."
20652,68,4,4,Robin: Amazing.
20653,68,4,4,Barney: It's amazing.
20654,68,4,4,"Ted: It's smoky, with hints of cedar and old... You see the difference between that and tape for $ 10?"
20655,68,4,4,Marshall: Not at all.
20656,68,4,4,Barney: I would much Red Bull.
20657,68,4,4,"Robin: Wendy, you can take a picture?"
20658,68,4,4,"Ted (2030): Many things we changed this year, but some have remained the same."
20659,68,4,4,Lily: So if we continued the evening up there?
20660,68,4,4,Marshall: Yeah.
20661,68,4,4,Ted: Good idea. I have the tape.
20662,68,4,4,"Barney enters the apartment, disguised as old."
20663,68,4,4,Barney (old): What...?
20664,68,4,4,Robin: Barney is an intervention.
20665,68,4,4,"Barney (old): Sorry, I hear you."
20666,68,4,4,"Marshall: That's enough, the trick of ""old."""
20667,68,4,4,Barney (old): The trick in the middle?
20668,68,4,4,Lily: Forget it.
20669,68,4,4,Barney (old): Leave baby? I love this old rhyme!
20670,68,4,4,Ted: I will get my problem.
20671,68,4,4,Barney: You're going to get my boat?
20672,69,4,5,Ted and Stella joined the others at McClaren's.
20673,69,4,5,Ted: Hi.
20674,69,4,5,Lily: Hi. How are you?
20675,69,4,5,Stella (taking the glass of Barney): I'll just finish this.
20676,69,4,5,Ted: It was just dinner with her sister Stella and her boyfriend.They married before us.
20677,69,4,5,"Stella: You know, you dream of the perfect wedding since you been little girl."
20678,69,4,5,Lily: Yeah.
20679,69,4,5,Marshall: Bluntly.
20680,69,4,5,"Stella: My sister steals my dream wedding. So every little detail on Shelter Island, the sun managed to sleep..."
20681,69,4,5,Flashback
20682,69,4,5,Stella and Ted are the restaurant's sister Stella and her boyfriend.
20683,69,4,5,Sister Stella:... near the beach in the old family home. This is my dream wedding.
20684,69,4,5,Stella (Ted taking the glass): I'll finish it.
20685,69,4,5,Ted: It seems that the lamb is great here.
20686,69,4,5,"Nora: I'm vegan. I wish I could silence that voice in me that says eating animals is murder, but I guess I'm not as strong as you."
20687,69,4,5,Ted: Did you need protein. I take the lamb.
20688,69,4,5,End flashback
20689,69,4,5,"Ted: New objective: Our marriage is to kick the ass of hers.Our marriage is to take the head of his, press it down the toilet and flush 20 times."
20690,69,4,5,"Lily: Ted, in high school, his marriage was you, right?"
20691,69,4,5,"Stella: You know, she always wants to overtake. I like it, but there is a part of me that would like it all falls apart."
20692,69,4,5,Stella is the restaurant with his sister and Ted.
20693,69,4,5,"Nora: I hate it! I hate him. God, this steak is good. 4 days before and he fled with a consultant from Whole Foods? I do my make-up more for him. I do not shower more for him. I shave armpits more for him."
20694,69,4,5,Ted: Hard to know where is the problem.
20695,69,4,5,"Nora: Now, so close to the wedding... Got some bacon or something in the sauce. I love it. I would not be refunded. I will lose thousands of dollars."
20696,69,4,5,"Ted (2030): Children in a relationship, you develop as a telepathy with your partner."
20697,69,4,5,Stella: You think about what? It might help.
20698,69,4,5,"Ted: No, Stella, it should help. Pay for dinner. Do not worry.Taking Charge."
20699,69,4,5,"Stella: It's true. Recovering your marriage, we reimburse you all that you paid for. Ted and I are getting married Sunday."
20700,69,4,5,GENERIC
20701,69,4,5,Ted: We get married on Sunday? It is sure to be ready for this?
20702,69,4,5,"Stella: I've wasted years waiting for the father of Lucy decides to be ""ready"" for it, but it has ever been. That's why we had never married. Come on, must be spontaneous, I dreamed that Tony is spontaneous like that."
20703,69,4,5,Ted: I'm leaving. And I'm also... spontaneous. (He throws a glass of water on his face) I would not have done that.
20704,69,4,5,"Ted (2030): Children, morality often happens at the end of the story, but this one is too important, I will say now: Never, never, invite ex to your wedding. If I was given this advice, it would have changed everything."
20705,69,4,5,"Ted, Barney, Marshall and Lily are at the bar. Ted phone."
20706,69,4,5,"Ted: We need you to come, this is my marriage."
20707,69,4,5,"Robin: I can not. I am in Tokyo. This is my first week. I can not leave like this. In addition, I am finally serious information."
20708,69,4,5,Ted (2030): Robin was serious information.
20709,69,4,5,Flashback
20710,69,4,5,A man brings a fan on the set of information.
20711,69,4,5,"Ted (2030): It was the first English news channel in Japan. Of course, the info was a little different there."
20712,69,4,5,Robin: The board of the Fed voted not to change the... rates.
20713,69,4,5,End flashback
20714,69,4,5,Ted: This is my marriage. You gotta be there.
20715,69,4,5,"Robin: OK, I'll be there. I gotta go. Good evening. And I'm Robin Scherbatsky. The talks have been arrested in the Middle East. Despite a promising start in the final negotiations, the talks foundered on security."
20716,69,4,5,Ted: It is.
20717,69,4,5,"Barney: Okay, burial of bachelorhood. Tonight, I have three exotic dancers most flexible physically and mentally that you've ever seen..."
20718,69,4,5,Ted: No time.
20719,69,4,5,Barney: I'll tell you.
20720,69,4,5,Marshall and Ted leaves the bar.
20721,69,4,5,Ted: Do we really have to rent the cars for tomorrow.
20722,69,4,5,Barney: What?
20723,69,4,5,"Lily: No ""You not married, Ted?"" No ""You're making a big mistake, Ted?"" Have you stopped the fight against marriage?"
20724,69,4,5,"Barney: No, I recognize a lost cause, when I see it. That's why I'm not recycle. In addition, Ted getting married, it is my interest. You know..."
20725,69,4,5,Flashback
20726,69,4,5,Barney is in his office.
20727,69,4,5,"Barney: I worked on an issue of utmost importance. I admit I was baffled. Until I decided to take the bull by the horns.(Barney written on a board: how to lie down again with Robin) Then, finally, I décryptais code. ""GIVE THE MARRIAGE OF TED. """
20728,69,4,5,End flashback
20729,69,4,5,Lily: So you come back to Robin.
20730,69,4,5,Barney: Let's hope. This weekend is my best chance to start with it.
20731,69,4,5,"Lily: You'll never there. Too many opportunities. The first bridesmaid drunk, you'll have your head under the dress as a photographer of yesteryear."
20732,69,4,5,"Barney: Lily, kidding. I want to look cutesy and romantic, but this weekend, Robin will be the only girl that I will draw."
20733,69,4,5,Stella and Ted are on a boat.
20734,69,4,5,"Ted (2030): And the day before the wedding, Stella and I made the trip to Shelter Island. With others not far away."
20735,69,4,5,"Marshall, Lily and Barney are also on board."
20736,69,4,5,"Marshall, Lily and Barney are in a bar."
20737,69,4,5,Lily: It's not really the place I imagined for the wedding of Ted.
20738,69,4,5,"Barney: ""The Collective Namaste Yoga and Meditation."""
20739,69,4,5,"Marshall: I know about you, but I will not namaster here too long."
20740,69,4,5,"Lily: Honey, will see the dirty hippie to the reservation there, we, we'll take to drink."
20741,69,4,5,Barney: You have anything like Scotch?
20742,69,4,5,"Bartender: In the center, we have a strict anti-alcohol."
20743,69,4,5,"Marshall: Super, meals included, right?"
20744,69,4,5,"Woman: Yes, and they are all 100% vegan."
20745,69,4,5,"Barney: I need alcohol. I'm not gonna do that stuff with Robin.Look at that. Berry cocktail, conditioner meninges. I dream, these drinks could make a girl smarter. What hell Ted brought us?"
20746,69,4,5,Marshall: There's no meat.
20747,69,4,5,Lily: There's no alcohol.
20748,69,4,5,"Marshall: Even worse, I'm 90% sure that this kind in which you spoke was the lead singer of Spin Doctors."
20749,69,4,5,Ted joined them.
20750,69,4,5,"Ted: Guys, Stella and I have a little problem."
20751,69,4,5,Flashback
20752,69,4,5,"Stella is sitting on the bed and watch the programs, while Ted packs his things."
20753,69,4,5,"Stella: The programs are great. It is not our names on it, but otherwise it looks nice."
20754,69,4,5,"Ted: Actually, I spoke to Robin. It is a little late, but it will be there on time."
20755,69,4,5,Stella: You're invited Robin?
20756,69,4,5,"Ted: Yes, of course."
20757,69,4,5,Stella: You gave me no warning. I'm not sure what to think.
20758,69,4,5,Ted: Can I help you? Are you happy. You like him.
20759,69,4,5,"Stella: Yes, but it's your ex girlfriend. It's weird."
20760,69,4,5,Ted: But no.
20761,69,4,5,Stella: It's weird. Not what you imagine is to see her boyfriend's ex marriage.
20762,69,4,5,Stella imagine the scene.
20763,69,4,5,Robin: Your new husband dismounted me out three times a day.
20764,69,4,5,"Stella: When the former are present, I dunno, it brings back...things unresolved. Close with your ex, do you know that the flame will not turn back?"
20765,69,4,5,"Ted: Come on, we're friends. In addition, we already had our Thanksgiving last relapse, it is not old."
20766,69,4,5,Stella: Have you bet money against you in this quarrel?
20767,69,4,5,Ted: She already has his ticket.
20768,69,4,5,Stella: It's important to me. I would have never invited the father of Lucy.
20769,69,4,5,Ted: It would not bother me. Tony is great. Invite him too.
20770,69,4,5,"Stella: No, Tony is the last person I want to see here, OK? And Robin is the penultimate."
20771,69,4,5,Flashback
20772,69,4,5,"Ted: Robin will soon get on the plane. In addition, it unleashed a lot of work for that."
20773,69,4,5,"Robin has the information, while a monkey sits next to her and slap on the desktop."
20774,69,4,5,"Robin: Driven by concerns about the environment and oil prices, sales of hybrid vehicles rose 11% over last year."
20775,69,4,5,Back to the place of marriage of Ted and Stella.
20776,69,4,5,Ted: What should I do?
20777,69,4,5,"Marshall: I know. I understand something is ""no ex"". Why would we want that history failed to come see one successful?It's like inviting the Seattle Mariners World Series. It's embarrassing for everyone."
20778,69,4,5,Barney: What? No. Robin must come.
20779,69,4,5,"Ted: That's true, this is my best friend. Girl friend. My best friend girl."
20780,69,4,5,"Lily: I do not care, why do such."
20781,69,4,5,"Barney: Dude, Robin has to be there."
20782,69,4,5,Marshall: It should not come.
20783,69,4,5,Barney: What are you parl...
20784,69,4,5,"Ted: Aldrin Justice, the last word."
20785,69,4,5,"Lily: OK, this would be weird without Robin. But not contradict the bride."
20786,69,4,5,Ted: I will not tell him to come.
20787,69,4,5,Marshall: It's the right decision.
20788,69,4,5,Ted: It's gonna be the worst phone call of all time.
20789,69,4,5,"Barney: Co-witness, I'll handle this."
20790,69,4,5,Robin picks up the telephone.
20791,69,4,5,Robin: Hello?
20792,69,4,5,"Barney: Robin, where are you?"
20793,69,4,5,Robin: I'm off to the airport.
20794,69,4,5,"Barney: OK, in a few hours. Have a good flight. Bad news. I can not have it. Robin is gone."
20795,69,4,5,"Ted: OK, Robin arrives. You know, I'm fine. The former should be able to go to weddings. I'll tell Stella to do with."
20796,69,4,5,Lily: You should be more delicate with Stella about Robin.
20797,69,4,5,"Ted: What do you mean by ""delicate""?"
20798,69,4,5,"Lily: The brides are very stressed before a wedding. Well, of course, I was under control."
20799,69,4,5,Marshall: Do not you remember?
20800,69,4,5,Flashback
20801,69,4,5,"In 2006, Lily arrives at the apartment in tears."
20802,69,4,5,Lily: The florist told me that roses are medium pink pale pink that means. Medium pink pale! All're done. Our wedding hall uses a boiler instead of a forced air heating. This is the thing that concerned me. Why are we still married?
20803,69,4,5,End flashback
20804,69,4,5,"Marshall: After a while, is that the waffle."
20805,69,4,5,Lily: Poor Stella must be the crazy one month in three days.
20806,69,4,5,Ted: What do I do?
20807,69,4,5,"Lily: You wait for the next crisis, the rules you, you're a hero.After, you dealt with on about Robin, but this time she will say yes."
20808,69,4,5,Ted: And if there is no other crises?
20809,69,4,5,Lily: This is a bride. There will be another crisis.
20810,69,4,5,Four minutes later...
20811,69,4,5,Ted: There is a new crisis.
20812,69,4,5,Lily: Great! What is it?
20813,69,4,5,Flashback
20814,69,4,5,Stella and Ted are in their rooms.
20815,69,4,5,"Stella: My daughter, my daughter does not come to our wedding."
20816,69,4,5,Ted: What?
20817,69,4,5,"Stella: Tony was the lead here tomorrow, but cash hurt my marriage, and he will not take him. It's been 5 years. Why not turn the page?"
20818,69,4,5,End flashback
20819,69,4,5,"Ted: So, first thing tomorrow I'm going to talk to him, convince him to let me take Lucy, then boom, crisis solved. Stella is happy. Robin comes to marriage."
20820,69,4,5,Nora: You are Barney?
20821,69,4,5,Barney: Yes.
20822,69,4,5,"Nora: I heard you were a real b*st*rd, so listen. Tomorrow night, I want to do things so nasty and depraved that I forget that it was supposed to be my wedding."
20823,69,4,5,Barney: I'm here with someone.
20824,69,4,5,Nora: Bring her.
20825,69,4,5,Lily: You'll never get there.
20826,69,4,5,
20827,69,4,5,Ted is by car.
20828,69,4,5,"Ted (2030): So the morning of my wedding, I made the way home Tony, to take Lucy."
20829,69,4,5,Ted hits Chez Tony.
20830,69,4,5,Ted: We did a little karate?
20831,69,4,5,Tony makes a decision.
20832,69,4,5,"Tony: Sorry, sorry dude. You have my alarm activated defense. You must remember these things. Stay alert, rest life."
20833,69,4,5,Ted: OK.
20834,69,4,5,Tony: What brings you here? I thought you'd be in a bridal suite with my wife.
20835,69,4,5,Ted: Not yet. Soon.
20836,69,4,5,"Tony: That's right, tonight is the big night. Oh, man, you gonna make love to the mother of my daughter."
20837,69,4,5,"Ted: Actually, I've already had s*x many times. Why I always corrects people?"
20838,69,4,5,Tony: You and Stella. You're lucky. I could just... I am very happy for you.
20839,69,4,5,"Ted: Look, here's the thing..."
20840,69,4,5,Tony: You can not take it.
20841,69,4,5,"Ted: Tony, stop. It is also a great day for Lucy. You'll have to put your problems aside and think about what is best for her.Whether you like it or not, it really should be the wedding of his mother. I take Lucy with me."
20842,69,4,5,He shakes Ted in his arms.
20843,69,4,5,"Tony: You're right, man. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just... You see all... made me realize what I had."
20844,69,4,5,Ted: Let's cuddle.
20845,69,4,5,"Tony: I'm sorry. Lucy is everything to me. I will lose it with this family, I am not one."
20846,69,4,5,Ted: But you're part of.
20847,69,4,5,Tony: I have not been invited to the wedding.
20848,69,4,5,Ted: You are now.
20849,69,4,5,Ted is in a car with Tony and Lucy.
20850,69,4,5,"Tony: ""Road Trip"" OK? (They are on a boat) ""Road Trip 2, back in the car."""
20851,69,4,5,Stella's sister comes to see Barney.
20852,69,4,5,Nora: This is the big day. You hydrate?
20853,69,4,5,"Barney: Dear wife, thank you for the interest you have for Barney Stinson..."
20854,69,4,5,Nora: Your back will look like a Jackson Pollock.
20855,69,4,5,Barney: I regret to inform you that at this time...
20856,69,4,5,Nora: I have been vegan for 2 years. I need meat.
20857,69,4,5,Barney: There are currently no positions available.
20858,69,4,5,Nora: I am a teacher of Yoga. All positions are possible. Your room in 20 minutes. No preliminary.
20859,69,4,5,"Barney: I will not do, huh?"
20860,69,4,5,Lily: No chance.
20861,69,4,5,"Ted, Lucy and Tnny arrive."
20862,69,4,5,Ted: Let me talk to Stella first.
20863,69,4,5,Lucy: Mom! Ted invited Dad!
20864,69,4,5,"Stella: Hi, my heart. You've missed. Just one second, OK?Tony invited you? At our wedding? This was discussed. No ex at our wedding. Why did you do that?"
20865,69,4,5,Robin comes up behind Ted.
20866,69,4,5,Robin: What did Ted this time?
20867,69,4,5,Ted and Stella are isolated in their room to talk.
20868,69,4,5,Stella: What does Robin here? I thought I was clear. No ex at our wedding.
20869,69,4,5,Ted: To be fair... your ex is here.
20870,69,4,5,Stella: You've invited!
20871,69,4,5,"Ted: Come on, it's not weird."
20872,69,4,5,"Stella: It's weird. It is as if it was not over between you. Tony and... I can not look after him. Will you tell him to leave? You can say it's my fault. I'll talk to Robin, she knows it's not personal."
20873,69,4,5,"Ted (2030): The children, if I had left Stella talking to Robin, this story would have ended differently."
20874,69,4,5,Stella speaks with Robin.
20875,69,4,5,Robin: I understand.
20876,69,4,5,Ted talks to Tony.
20877,69,4,5,Tony: I get it.
20878,69,4,5,"Man: For the first time, Ted and Stella Mosby."
20879,69,4,5,In 2030...
20880,69,4,5,"Ted (2030): And now, how I met your mother."
20881,69,4,5,Stella: Your father has finally finished drooling? Who wants ice cream?
20882,69,4,5,Ted (2030): But I have not done.
20883,69,4,5,Ted: You can talk to Tony? Robin made the trip from Tokyo. I should talk to him.
20884,69,4,5,Stella: Of course.
20885,69,4,5,Ted goes to talk to Robin.
20886,69,4,5,Ted: Sorry to have run away like that.
20887,69,4,5,"Robin: It's OK. Can you imagine not traveling I did. I was on a plane, a whole day. But it was worth it to see you get married.How I would have missed it..."
20888,69,4,5,Ted: You can not come to the wedding.
20889,69,4,5,Robin: thank you God!
20890,69,4,5,Ted: What?
20891,69,4,5,Robin: It's weird.
20892,69,4,5,Ted: It's not weird.
20893,69,4,5,Robin: It's weird. You know how it feels to be one of the former married?
20894,69,4,5,Robin imagine the scene.
20895,69,4,5,"Stella: Take that, bitch! I won!"
20896,69,4,5,"Ted: It was broken, there is more than a year."
20897,69,4,5,"Robin: Yes, but it's not that long ago. See you marry another woman is not really something I look forward to. I just thought if I changed my mind about marriage and children, it was nice knowing you were there."
20898,69,4,5,"Ted: So, I was your backup plan. It's flattering."
20899,69,4,5,Robin: That's not it. It's just...
20900,69,4,5,Ted: Why do you mention that? There was nothing between us.
20901,69,4,5,"Robin: Maybe so. I mean, of course it does. The kind of thing that leaves no one fell swoop. I'm not a guest over."
20902,69,4,5,"Ted: It's true. We went out together, but... we have moved on.And we got what we wanted. I marry, You have the job of your dreams in Tokyo. And they lived happily..."
20903,69,4,5,Robin: I quit my job.
20904,69,4,5,Ted: You what?
20905,69,4,5,"Robin: I return to New York. I thought I wanted this job, but...Getting back to my real life. And you should go back to yours."
20906,69,4,5,Ted: What does that mean?
20907,69,4,5,"Robin: You married. Listen, this is precipitated. It's as if you started a book by the end. You are the most romantic. You stole a blue horn for me. You tried to make rain."
20908,69,4,5,Ted: I did the rain.
20909,69,4,5,"Robin: It was a coincidence. After all this is how your romantic quest comes to an end? You hide in the wedding of another in his house in his life, without thinking twice. This is not the end spectacular than you deserve. It's not Ted Mosby."
20910,69,4,5,Ted: I love Stella. This is good. If you feel it all... I think it is good that you come to the marriage.
20911,69,4,5,Bartender: Big fight?
20912,69,4,5,Robin: Yes.
20913,69,4,5,Barman: There you go. It is for me.
20914,69,4,5,"Robin: You stop it. (Robin drinks the glass of a sudden) My God, so, stop."
20915,69,4,5,Robin knocks on a bedroom door. Barney opens half naked.
20916,69,4,5,Robin: I spend a very bad day. I've stolen scotch at the duty free. It tells you?
20917,69,4,5,Barney: Let's go to your room. Far from it. And can be the whistle.
20918,69,4,5,"Robin: I have no room. In fact, I thought I could stay with you."
20919,69,4,5,Barney: No problem. I just need to tidy up a little. Of clothes on the floor and...
20920,69,4,5,"Robin: And a girl naked, tied to your bed."
20921,69,4,5,"Barney: The towels in the bathroom, a real mess. So, give me 10 minutes... to restore order..."
20922,69,4,5,"Robin: In addition, Barney."
20923,69,4,5,Robin takes his suitcase and leaves. Nora arrives at that time.
20924,69,4,5,"Nora: OK, let's go. Who's that?"
20925,69,4,5,Barney: The girl on reception.
20926,69,4,5,"Ted (2030): Children, sometimes you think you live a story, but the truth turns out to be quite different. (Robin is on board a boat, Ted is in his room and read a map and Stella is also on board) In those days, I thought it covered only the presence of Robin marriage. (Stella Tony covers his coat) If only I had understood what it was about."
20927,69,4,5,Flashback
20928,69,4,5,Ted and Stella discuss.
20929,69,4,5,Stella: Have his former close... it reveals unresolved problems.
20930,69,4,5,End flashback
20931,69,4,5,Lily and Ted joined Marshall in the room.
20932,69,4,5,Flashback
20933,69,4,5,"Stella: With your ex not far, which tells you that the flame will not turn back?"
20934,69,4,5,End flashback
20935,69,4,5,Barney joined them in turn.
20936,69,4,5,Flashback
20937,69,4,5,Stella: It's as if it was not over between you.
20938,69,4,5,Ted and Stella are in the restaurant.
20939,69,4,5,"Stella: I've wasted years waiting for the father of Lucy decides to be ""ready"" for it."
20940,69,4,5,Tony is in the arms of Ted.
20941,69,4,5,Tony: You see all... made me realize what I had.
20942,69,4,5,Back at the restaurant...
20943,69,4,5,Stella: I dreamed that Tony is spontaneous like that.
20944,69,4,5,End flashback
20945,69,4,5,"Ted (2030): Seriously, kids, do not invite your ex to your wedding."
20946,70,4,6,"Ted (2030): Children, on your wedding day should be the happiest of your life, the culmination of a perfect love story. My marriage, at least the first has not gone so well."
20947,70,4,6,"Ted reads the word of Stella while she on a boat, kissing Tony."
20948,70,4,6,Ted is with his friends at McClaren's.
20949,70,4,6,"Ted: It's funny when I think about it. I was sure that Stella was good. When she left me, I was so devastated. But you helped me overcome that. Now the hard part is over. I came out a little louder. You know, I do not think further of it. This is the work of time, I guess."
20950,70,4,6,"Lily: Ted, the wedding was yesterday. It's been 24 hours."
20951,70,4,6,"Ted: I know. That's all I advance. A new chapter in my life begins today, and we'll celebrate. Here, we need two things.We need Kool and the Gang. It's time the jukebox!"
20952,70,4,6,"He rises from his chair, dancing and going to turn the jukebox."
20953,70,4,6,"Barney: I watch this young man dancing near the jukebox, and I can not help thinking... Stella may have made the right choice. Ouch!"
20954,70,4,6,Marshall: How can he dance here? He should be trying to smash the car with a club of Stella.
20955,70,4,6,"Barney: Assumption. He is not pretending to be happy. Ted is really happy. He did not want to marry from the start. Ted had the best train dodge since Stand by Me Well, not the first kid, but others."
20956,70,4,6,"Lily: No, it is a mess."
20957,70,4,6,Ted: It gauze?
20958,70,4,6,Lily: A mess. And one must be there for him.
20959,70,4,6,"Ted (2030): But all my friends wanted to be there for me, I would, seemingly, well."
20960,70,4,6,"Lily and Robin arrives at the apartment, a pizza in hand and beers."
20961,70,4,6,"Lily: Hey, man."
20962,70,4,6,Robin: You wanna hang out?
20963,70,4,6,"Ted: Girls, I'm fine."
20964,70,4,6,Marshall has a glove and a baseball ball.
20965,70,4,6,"Marshall: Dude, you make some?"
20966,70,4,6,Ted: I'm fine.
20967,70,4,6,Barney entered the apartment with two women.
20968,70,4,6,"Barney: Hey, kid."
20969,70,4,6,"Ted: Barney, I'm fine! It is not necessary, and it is rather unhealthy. Sorry, ladies."
20970,70,4,6,Barney: I did not know you'd be here. Girls stairwell.
20971,70,4,6,GENERIC
20972,70,4,6,The band is at the bar...
20973,70,4,6,"Ted (2030): Finally, after two weeks, emotions eventually overflow."
20974,70,4,6,Ted: What do you want for dinner?
20975,70,4,6,"Lily: Oh, the farm. I'm sorry, is that you have experienced something traumatic, and we try to be there for you, but do not you leave us, and it irritates us, selfish little whore. Sorry."
20976,70,4,6,Marshall: We are concerned that you faced not what happened with Stella. Do you remember when Lily left me? How I buried my emotions?
20977,70,4,6,Flashback
20978,70,4,6,"Marshall is in the arms of Ted, on the couch, crying."
20979,70,4,6,Marshall: It... I... miss him so much.
20980,70,4,6,End flashback
20981,70,4,6,"Robin: Yeah man, you've been a rock."
20982,70,4,6,"Marshall: I should have been worse, OK? I should have my nerves, follow your advice and burn cases Lily."
20983,70,4,6,"Lily: Super. Thank you, Ted."
20984,70,4,6,"Marshall: I have not done it, and that's why I took so long to get better. So Ted, I want you explode. Release your rage.Ready? Now!"
20985,70,4,6,Ted: It's OK.
20986,70,4,6,"Barney: Guys, let him go. He is happy. Listen, if Ted was married, then he would be married, he would live in New Jersey, and he would be married. It is well. Good, let's eat. Let Flat Michael's?"
20987,70,4,6,Ted: It is between the 44th and Lex. Impossible.
20988,70,4,6,Robin: Why?
20989,70,4,6,"Ted: It is near the gym Stella. We could cross. Everywhere else, it's going."
20990,70,4,6,"Robin: Ok, how about Hurley's?"
20991,70,4,6,Ted: Stack between his office and dry cleaner. Sorry.
20992,70,4,6,"Lily: Well, The Meatloaf Charlie?"
20993,70,4,6,Ted: Two blocks from her mother's hairdresser.
20994,70,4,6,"Barney: Okay, Ted, is there a place in Manhattan where one can dine?"
20995,70,4,6,Ted: Of course. Look at this.
20996,70,4,6,"Ted pulls out a map of Manhattan, half colored red."
20997,70,4,6,Robin: It's that thing?
20998,70,4,6,Ted: A reference card I made. A guide to places where you can meet Stella Zinman. The red areas: to avoid. White: OK.Blue: the sea
20999,70,4,6,Lily: This is ridiculous.
21000,70,4,6,Robin: The sea is blue.
21001,70,4,6,Lily: You can not live like this.
21002,70,4,6,"Marshall: It leaves you on the altar, and it's you who're avoiding?"
21003,70,4,6,"Ted: Yes, I avoid it. What is the problem? It goes like this."
21004,70,4,6,"Marshall: It's that ""one"" small dicks?"
21005,70,4,6,"Ted: No, 'on', it is the people of the great state of Ohio. When life is hard, we take the pain and bury us. And if the pain goes, is buried pain over another. Why cope when you can avoid?All I have to do is to never see her again, and I will have a long happy life. So who wants to eat?"
21006,70,4,6,Lily: Someone told me of a tapas bar located in the white zone.
21007,70,4,6,Ted: Super. Let's go.
21008,70,4,6,"Barney, Robin, Ted, Marshall and Lily are in the restaurant."
21009,70,4,6,Waiter: Have you decided?
21010,70,4,6,Ted: Not yet. Can we have almonds to the table?
21011,70,4,6,Waiter: Certainly.
21012,70,4,6,"Ted: Well done, Lily. This place looks cool. That you talked about?"
21013,70,4,6,Lily: I actually remember it. Oh Oh!
21014,70,4,6,Robin: What?
21015,70,4,6,Lily: I remember.
21016,70,4,6,Ted turns around and sees Stella.
21017,70,4,6,"Ted: Oh my God! Oh my God! OK, stay cool. We'll just have to manage it. Everyone... follow me."
21018,70,4,6,He hides under the table.
21019,70,4,6,"Marshall: Oh, you laugh."
21020,70,4,6,Lily: He is serious?
21021,70,4,6,"Barney: I will not in this table. Possibly, in this one."
21022,70,4,6,Robin: She turns around.
21023,70,4,6,Everyone is hiding under the table.
21024,70,4,6,"Ted: Think, think. Guys, stay there. I'll take a look. Marshall will look."
21025,70,4,6,Server: Do you want covered?
21026,70,4,6,"Stella: No, I'm going home."
21027,70,4,6,Marshall: She took to win.
21028,70,4,6,Ted: She looks happy? She talked about me? I do not care.Where are the almonds?
21029,70,4,6,Barney: Where may well be nuts Ted? You should check the garage in the grip of Stella.
21030,70,4,6,Marshall: Will the yelling.
21031,70,4,6,"Lily: You're maybe Ohio, but you live in New York now. We do not bury our emotions in New York. We take our emotions and they are sent to the other side!"
21032,70,4,6,Ted: Let me go. You'd do the same if you were in this situation.
21033,70,4,6,Lily: I dream! There's not one person on Earth to which I would hide under a table.
21034,70,4,6,"Ted: Really, not one? Not even... Gazeur?"
21035,70,4,6,Lily: How dare you pronounce this name to me?
21036,70,4,6,Robin: Who is Gazeur?
21037,70,4,6,Lily: This is the last person I would like to see here. Michael purifier. This is a guy I was in high school.
21038,70,4,6,Flashback
21039,70,4,6,Lily is in progress.
21040,70,4,6,"Lily: Michael was next to me in Biology. It was a failure for the entire college, but the summer before the third, he grew 30 cm and joined the baseball team. It was becoming a cool guy.Until one day..."
21041,70,4,6,We hear someone fart.
21042,70,4,6,End flashback
21043,70,4,6,"Barney: Lily, you're all been there. When we loose one, it's not pretty."
21044,70,4,6,Robin: You did what?
21045,70,4,6,Lily: Are you kidding? It was the third. I had a choice.
21046,70,4,6,Flashback
21047,70,4,6,"Lily: Oh, my God, purifier! It gauze?"
21048,70,4,6,Purifier: It was not me. That was it.
21049,70,4,6,Lily: Of course purifier. Or rather Gazeur. Gazeur!
21050,70,4,6,Purifier: I'm in the team baseball. I'm cool.
21051,70,4,6,End flashback
21052,70,4,6,"Lily: The Gazeur nickname stuck. He had so much ridicule, he had to change schools."
21053,70,4,6,Barney: The kids are great.
21054,70,4,6,"Lily: It made me always feel guilty. But if Gazeur... Michael...came now, as hard as it may be, I would go to Gazeur...Michael... and I should settle things between us."
21055,70,4,6,"Robin: Clearing the air, as before. Oh, man. It does not happen often. You are welcome."
21056,70,4,6,The server slides under the table.
21057,70,4,6,Server: It's going guys?
21058,70,4,6,"Ted: Let's just eat here, if possible."
21059,70,4,6,Server: This is your almonds.
21060,70,4,6,Ted: Thank you. You have a daily special?
21061,70,4,6,"Marshall: Ted, this is ridiculous."
21062,70,4,6,"Barney: I am a person who... Well, are facing. There are a bunch of people I do not want to see... as the group of ""girls that I skipped""... but if one of them came here, I would stay there, and I would look into his eyes. For some, this would be the first time."
21063,70,4,6,"Ted: Really, you hide from anybody? Not even... Becca Delucci?"
21064,70,4,6,Barney: Son of a bitch.
21065,70,4,6,Host: Who is Becca Delucci?
21066,70,4,6,Barney: Do you mind?
21067,70,4,6,Robin: Who is Becca Delucci?
21068,70,4,6,Barney: Becca is this girl who lives in the North. I saw her from time to time.
21069,70,4,6,"Ted: Where exactly in the north, Barney?"
21070,70,4,6,Barney: Bedford Hills Federal Penitentiary.
21071,70,4,6,Flashback
21072,70,4,6,Barney is in the parlor with a woman.
21073,70,4,6,"Barney: And yes, the visits were of a conjugal nature."
21074,70,4,6,End flashback
21075,70,4,6,Lily: That's not true?
21076,70,4,6,"Barney: Really. And that I had with Becca was a perfect relationship. She was allowed to call me once a week. If it becomes too sticky, the armed guards stoppaient. I've never had to pay for dinner. In fact, this is false. I pay taxes. I guess we all paid for dinner. Thank you, guys. Anyway, at the last visit, I screwed up."
21077,70,4,6,Flashback
21078,70,4,6,"Barney: I know it's hard, baby, but I'm in a prison too.Imprisoned in my heart. This room is ready or what? We can...?"
21079,70,4,6,Woman: You're the only thing that kept me here.
21080,70,4,6,"Barney: That's why I'm here, baby. I am your strength. I'm...Oh, my God. Hello, stranger. (He hangs up with the first woman prisoner and will talk to another who has just arrived) Barney Stinson, attorney. Let's talk about your output."
21081,70,4,6,"Woman: Hell, no!"
21082,70,4,6,The first woman throws herself on the other woman.
21083,70,4,6,End flashback
21084,70,4,6,"Barney: Now I have letters from Becca who say, ""I'll come see you the day I get out of here. I'll hang your eyes in my rearview mirror. ""Women, eh?"
21085,70,4,6,Ted: You see? Are you afraid of Becca. Lily is afraid of Gazeur. (Marshall head out from under the table) are still under the table.
21086,70,4,6,Marshall: We do not need. Stella is a party.
21087,70,4,6,"Ted: Oh, my God. That's it, and that's it, the style Ohio. The problem manifested itself. It has been avoided. It is a party.Here you can dine in peace..."
21088,70,4,6,"Marshall: It comes back. (They go back under the table) We all think that you need... Wait, where is Barney? (Barney is in the next table) We think you should talk to him."
21089,70,4,6,Robin: Not me.
21090,70,4,6,Marshall: What?
21091,70,4,6,"Robin: If the last person I wanted to see, came in I would not talk to him."
21092,70,4,6,Ted: Really?
21093,70,4,6,Lily: Who is it?
21094,70,4,6,Robin: My father.
21095,70,4,6,"Barney: Boy, this sure is another table. What are we talking?"
21096,70,4,6,Lily: From Robin's father.
21097,70,4,6,Robin: I have not spoken to him in 3 years and I want to start now.
21098,70,4,6,Lily: Why?
21099,70,4,6,Flashback
21100,70,4,6,A woman is giving birth.
21101,70,4,6,Robin: It goes back to my birth.
21102,70,4,6,"Man: Come on, give me my son. Grows."
21103,70,4,6,End flashback
21104,70,4,6,Robin: He wanted a son and the fact that I am a girl has not changed.
21105,70,4,6,Ted: How so?
21106,70,4,6,"Robin: My full name is Robin Charles Scherbatsky, Jr. And it only got worse."
21107,70,4,6,Flashback
21108,70,4,6,Robin's father gives him a gun.
21109,70,4,6,"Robin: At 8, he took me hunting for the first time. I want to shoot a deer."
21110,70,4,6,"Father of Robin: Trivia, RJ Shoot a deer is the most noble goals."
21111,70,4,6,Robin: But they're cute.
21112,70,4,6,Father: You said the same about our rabbits. You remember how they were delicious?
21113,70,4,6,End flashback
21114,70,4,6,Robin: My body started to change...
21115,70,4,6,"Barney: Wait a second. Sorry, continues."
21116,70,4,6,Robin: It was increasingly hard for him to act as if I was a boy.
21117,70,4,6,Flashback
21118,70,4,6,"Robin: The worst moment came in my 14 years. My junior hockey team had just won the ""Squamish Invitational."" And everybody came to my house to celebrate."
21119,70,4,6,"Father: Guys, you have behaved splendidly there on the ice.Splendidly. You go outside. I come back with soft drinks and pretzels."
21120,70,4,6,"Boy: I can not believe you hast missed the last shot, silly."
21121,70,4,6,Robin: You're an idiot.
21122,70,4,6,"Boy: No, it's you, the idiot."
21123,70,4,6,"Robin and kissing the boy when his father returns, and drops the tray."
21124,70,4,6,"Father: What do you do? You are teammates, hockey players.Teammates do not kiss! Hockey players do not kiss! Oh, my God. I have no son."
21125,70,4,6,End flashback
21126,70,4,6,"Barney: My poor. Being forced to grow up in Canada with America, right next door."
21127,70,4,6,"Marshall: It's sad for your father, Robin, but congratulations for this game."
21128,70,4,6,Robin: And Kyle and I are doing anything serious. It was only the blue line.
21129,70,4,6,Barney: The blue line?
21130,70,4,6,"Robin: You know when you're a kid, you give the terms of hockey at all? The blue line is the kiss, the red is to be naked, and I think that ""crease"" speaks for itself. After that, my relationship with my father has cooled. I moved with my mother, let my hair grow, was a Canadian pop star. Young normal stuff."
21131,70,4,6,Lily: You do not think you'd feel better if you talked to him?
21132,70,4,6,"Robin: That's just it. It would be useless. This is history, it's done. I would say what? ""I wish not to be raised as a boy, that thou teach me not to hunt, fish and smoke cigars and drinking scotch because girls do not do that. And you know why I run like a girl? Because I am one. """
21133,70,4,6,"Ted: You kept it for quite some time, eh?"
21134,70,4,6,Robin: Yes.
21135,70,4,6,Ted: It has returned to you.
21136,70,4,6,Marshall: Sorry.
21137,70,4,6,Barney: It's hot.
21138,70,4,6,"Ted (2030): And I realized... all my friends were haunted, but there was a difference between my and their ghosts. It was not too late for me."
21139,70,4,6,"Ted: I'll talk to him. (They go out from under the table, but Stella is gone) She's gone. I'll catch up."
21140,70,4,6,"Barney: There, there."
21141,70,4,6,
21142,70,4,6,They leave the restaurant and the taxi from Stella.
21143,70,4,6,Ted: There she is!
21144,70,4,6,"Ted, Barney, Robin, Marshall and Lily are in a taxi."
21145,70,4,6,"Ted: I see. It is two taxis right front. Not lose it, OK?"
21146,70,4,6,"Marshall: Well, well you do. You're going to confront it."
21147,70,4,6,Ted: I will face it.
21148,70,4,6,Robin: This is so exciting.
21149,70,4,6,Ted: Bluntly.
21150,70,4,6,Lily: You're gonna say what?
21151,70,4,6,"Ted: I will say, ""Sorry it did not work. ""We will discuss in adults. She'll tell me his views and... I will listen. What I should have done more before."
21152,70,4,6,"Barney: You can fly it into the lamp? Fasten your seat belts!Not you, Ted."
21153,70,4,6,Marshall: You have to get angry. Go ahead. Looking good.
21154,70,4,6,"Ted: Come on. There is no question of moving his arms, stomping feet and get angry. This is Stella and I finally communicating. Clearly, it was..."
21155,70,4,6,Marshall: Stella hated Star Wars. She lied to you. Seeking your feelings. You know it's true.
21156,70,4,6,Ted: That's his problem.
21157,70,4,6,"Barney: Come on, Ted. She left you on the altar."
21158,70,4,6,Robin: I understand!
21159,70,4,6,Ted: In the name of all that is sacred...
21160,70,4,6,"Lily: Wait, wait! Where it goes? His taxi has missed the exit for the Lincoln Tunnel."
21161,70,4,6,"Robin: Why take it away to bring him back in New Jersey, anyway?"
21162,70,4,6,Ted: Maybe she goes to his office.
21163,70,4,6,Marshall: No.
21164,70,4,6,Flashback
21165,70,4,6,At the restaurant...
21166,70,4,6,"Marshall: The waiter asked him: ""Do you want covered? ""And she said:"" I'm going home. """
21167,70,4,6,End flashback
21168,70,4,6,"Ted: If she goes to her, why you go to...? Oh, my God. Tony lives in the city center. ""At home"" is Tony's apartment. She would move in with me in New Jersey and moved to town, Tony? The bitch!"
21169,70,4,6,"Marshall: Finally. Finally, my friend."
21170,70,4,6,Ted: I have the balls too!
21171,70,4,6,"Marshall: I know and I love it! It's great! Sir, we will pay gladly handle that has been broken. I love Ted angry!"
21172,70,4,6,Ted: Me too!
21173,70,4,6,"Marshall: Lets get out, man, let out."
21174,70,4,6,Lily: She stops.
21175,70,4,6,Ted: That's it. That's it!
21176,70,4,6,"Marshall: Yes, Ted. Come on, buddy!"
21177,70,4,6,Robin: Get rid of your demons!
21178,70,4,6,Barney: I have ants in my leg!
21179,70,4,6,"Lily: OK, wait. Wait..."
21180,70,4,6,Marshall: What are you doing?
21181,70,4,6,"Lily: Wait. Listen, Ted, it's great that you're angry..."
21182,70,4,6,Marshall: Sure.
21183,70,4,6,"Lily:... and that you face all that, but... you only have one chance. Take a moment and think about what you will say."
21184,70,4,6,"Ted: I know exactly what I say. (Ted comes out of the taxi) You chose the wrong guy. You chose the wrong guy. You did a very, very, very bad choice. What were you thinking? This guy? You kidding me? Have you learned anything these past 8 years? You'll be sorry. You know it? You'll be sorry, and you can do anything about it because it is too late. Anything you can do is start up your life miserable and disappointing that will never be as happy as it could be with me. Goodbye."
21185,70,4,6,"Stella: Ted, wait."
21186,70,4,6,"Ted: Look, I'm not there to pick you. I am here because I need to know that you know you've made the worst mistake of your life."
21187,70,4,6,Stella: I know.
21188,70,4,6,Ted: Okay. (Ted is still in the taxi) This is what I say.
21189,70,4,6,Marshall: It kills!
21190,70,4,6,Barney: From cold blood.
21191,70,4,6,"Lily: Okay, tell him that."
21192,70,4,6,Ted down the taxi and went to see Stella who does the same.
21193,70,4,6,"Ted (2030): So I got out of the cab, ready to tell her everything, ready to explode but then..."
21194,70,4,6,"Tony is dating his daughter, Lucy in her arms."
21195,70,4,6,Lucy: Mom!
21196,70,4,6,"Ted (2030): Here we go at once. And it was over. At this point, I was not angry. I saw that she was made to be with him.Children, you might think that the only choices are to swallow his anger, or swing at someone. There is another option: you can let it flow, and when you do that, we can forget and move forward. And that was the perfect ending to a perfect love story.It was just not mine. Mine was always there, waiting for me."
21197,71,4,7,Ted's friends are in McClaren's.
21198,71,4,7,"Barney: I'm not impressed by the talent here tonight. And more I drink, the less it is attractive. I'm a whiskey and Coke in the Cantina scene in Star Wars."
21199,71,4,7,Ted: And those girls over there? They are cannon.
21200,71,4,7,Barney: Absolutely not.
21201,71,4,7,"Lily: Are you kidding? I have hated as soon as I saw them. So they are cannon. In fact, I've hated almost as much as Robin when I've ever known."
21202,71,4,7,Robin: You hate me?
21203,71,4,7,Lily: A max.
21204,71,4,7,"Marshall: Barney, they are canon."
21205,71,4,7,"Barney: There is so much to learn. You are only victims of...the effect cheerleaders. Good question. The effect cheerleading is when a group of women air cannon, but only in groups. As with the cheerleaders. They look like cannon, but take them individually? Cod."
21206,71,4,7,Ted: Anything.
21207,71,4,7,Barney: Look at it carefully. Individually.
21208,71,4,7,Marshall: I know. The last one is kinda cute.
21209,71,4,7,"Lily: Yeah, really cute."
21210,71,4,7,"Barney: And this, my friends, is ""the effect cheerleaders."" Also known as the paradox of a bridesmaid syndrome sorority, and for a brief moment in the 90s, the conspiracy of the Spice Girls.Scary Spice, indeed. (His phone rings) Barney Stinson. OK.Understood. Great, we remember."
21211,71,4,7,Ted: What?
21212,71,4,7,"Barney: Apparently, I'll be a father."
21213,71,4,7,GENERIC
21214,71,4,7,Ted: You're gonna be a father? How will it happen?
21215,71,4,7,Barney: It's a girl I plugged in a few weeks ago. It is not certain.She sees the doctor tomorrow.
21216,71,4,7,Lily: That may be a false alarm. It is perhaps not pregnant.
21217,71,4,7,"Barney: No part of Barney Stinson does not run at less than 110%. If one of my Michael Phelps escaped, he swims for gold. It's a nightmare. I want no children. How can want to have children without being mad?"
21218,71,4,7,Barney leaves the bar.
21219,71,4,7,"Ted (2030): When you're 30 and you're a couple, something weird happens."
21220,71,4,7,Flashback
21221,71,4,7,Lily and Marshall are sitting on the steps at the entrance of the apartment. Several strollers pass and they get excited to see them.
21222,71,4,7,Ted (2030): You start to see babies everywhere.
21223,71,4,7,"Then a woman walks with a dog and a child on his stomach, followed by several puppies Marshall: Go."
21224,71,4,7,Ted (2030): Marshall and Lily caught baby fever. And their neighbors did not help.
21225,71,4,7,Marshall and Lily are their neighbors.
21226,71,4,7,"Marshall: You have not lost a sock, little guy? This is probably the cutest little thing I've ever seen."
21227,71,4,7,Woman: That's my little plug!
21228,71,4,7,"Ted (2030): That night, they had a serious discussion and hands-on children."
21229,71,4,7,"Marshall and Lily are in their apartment, sitting on the couch."
21230,71,4,7,"Lily: So if you have a baby, you think you can work less?"
21231,71,4,7,"Marshall: No matter, it will be so cute, I'm going to exhaust the first day."
21232,71,4,7,Lily: And for the money? It has a ton of debt.
21233,71,4,7,Marshall: We count the unpaid bills on her pretty little fingers.Let's make a baby.
21234,71,4,7,Lily: Now?
21235,71,4,7,Ted (2030): There was just one problem.
21236,71,4,7,Robin: Push yourself. I recorded The View. This problem and was unemployed and sleeping on the couch.
21237,71,4,7,"Marshall: So, Robin, when you're in for the job and apartment?"
21238,71,4,7,"Robin: Are not you aware? I am a presenter on CNN. And I have made gold a terrace overlooking Central Park. Get out of your ass's head, Marshall."
21239,71,4,7,"Ted (2030): They realized that if they wanted to start a family, they had the plan."
21240,71,4,7,End flashback
21241,71,4,7,"Lily: Robin, would you mind not sleeping with Ted tomorrow night? I... prepares a special dinner for Marshall."
21242,71,4,7,Marshall: Just a dinner. That's it. Nothing else.
21243,71,4,7,"Robin: Okay, but you better not be as they stuck together when I cans on the roof. ""My ears. The neighbors called the cops.You almost hit me. """
21244,71,4,7,Marshall: Enjoy it. It is a good time.
21245,71,4,7,"Barney is in a church, and pray."
21246,71,4,7,"Barney: God? It's me, Barney. Are you okay? I know we will not speak often, a bunch of girls said your name on my account. Great. But, God... If you could get out of there, I swear I'll never, never... never, never, never... (His phone rings and people have turned to him) Wait, man. Barney to the device.Really?"
21247,71,4,7,He leaves the church happy and dancing.
21248,71,4,7,It happens in Marshall's office.
21249,71,4,7,Barney: Good news! I'm not a father!
21250,71,4,7,"Marshall: Congratulations, buddy."
21251,71,4,7,"Barney: This is the best time of my life, Marshall. What I feel in having no children? I have never thought something like it as much. That's why I created a public holiday. Now, today is ""Day of Non-fathers."""
21252,71,4,7,Marshall: You create a holiday?
21253,71,4,7,"Barney: Why not? Everyone has one: mothers, fathers, soldiers. Why not a day for singles who like it?"
21254,71,4,7,Marshall: It looks like a big day of Valentine's Day.
21255,71,4,7,"Man: Hello, Stinson."
21256,71,4,7,Barney: Hi. How are the children?
21257,71,4,7,"Man: Ready for tonight, Eriksen? Big merger."
21258,71,4,7,"Marshall: That's between me and my wife, sir."
21259,71,4,7,Man: The meeting with Mr. Li Tonight.
21260,71,4,7,Marshall: I thought it was a lunch.
21261,71,4,7,"Man: Yes, in China. This is a teleconference with the Chinese.I count on you."
21262,71,4,7,Lily is making dinner when the phone rings.
21263,71,4,7,Lily: Marshall?
21264,71,4,7,Marshall: Baby. It's lunchtime in China.
21265,71,4,7,Lily: Yeah.
21266,71,4,7,"Marshall: It's not a euphemism. Listen... Wait, what does that mean?"
21267,71,4,7,"Lily: I know, hot bread, spicy pork? Stuff like that. You come not tonight, right? You shake your head for ""no""? That's what I thought."
21268,71,4,7,Ted and Robin arrive at the apartment Marshall and Lily.
21269,71,4,7,Lily: Thank you for coming so quickly.
21270,71,4,7,Robin: Are you okay? You looked upset on the phone.
21271,71,4,7,"Lily: Marshall and I, we took the decision to have a great...dinner. And I thought I was ready for a... dinner. But he called to cancel, and it got me thinking. Is it too early for us to make a... Dinner?"
21272,71,4,7,"Ted: I had lunch early, so I can eat."
21273,71,4,7,"Lily: Dinner, it's a baby!"
21274,71,4,7,"Robin: Lily, it's horrible!"
21275,71,4,7,"Lily: No, I need you to clarify a situation for me."
21276,71,4,7,Robin: What?
21277,71,4,7,"Lily: Are we ready, Marshall and me to have a baby? So, are we ready to have a baby or not?"
21278,71,4,7,Ted: We can not decide for you. It's huge.
21279,71,4,7,Robin: You know what is huge? Marshall's head. It is as big as a watermelon in late August. Marshall's baby who is passing by?
21280,71,4,7,Ted: He thinks what?
21281,71,4,7,Robin: A lot of things in the helmet of the space of 50 years who serves as its head.
21282,71,4,7,Lily: Marshall is really excited. But I think he sees only the good sides of it.
21283,71,4,7,Flashback
21284,71,4,7,Lily and Marshall are with their neighbor.
21285,71,4,7,"Lily: The other day while playing with the little Jeremy, I was talking with his mother."
21286,71,4,7,"Woman: Thank you for the invitation. It's been a while since I have not told an adult. Well, except my husband. But ""For you to change"" and ""Make him be silent,"" it's not really count as conversation. Sorry, I ramble. It's been 7 months that I have not kissed. That's it, I start! Lack of sleep! Wait, I cry there, though?It happens to me often. I will not complain. Here, I feel bad!That's my little plug! I love you so much!"
21287,71,4,7,End flashback
21288,71,4,7,"Lily: I will be as carbon copy Charlotte. Worse. At least, her husband works at home. Well, he deale of sh1t, but it is a caring father."
21289,71,4,7,Ted: Marshall is a very good father.
21290,71,4,7,"Lily: Marshall is always at work, and I'm afraid to hit all the work if we have one now."
21291,71,4,7,Ted: You panic and you see only bad side.
21292,71,4,7,Robin: I think it's just realistic.
21293,71,4,7,"Lily: Well, that's perfect. That's why I called you. Ted, you're for children. Robin, you're against. Councillors, please proceed."
21294,71,4,7,"Ted: OK, I know you're afraid of not being ready. But we think ever be. You just take the plunge and it will come naturally."
21295,71,4,7,"Robin: Of course for you, it is natural, you're practically already a father."
21296,71,4,7,Lily: You're a father too.
21297,71,4,7,Ted: What are you talking?
21298,71,4,7,Flashback
21299,71,4,7,At the bar...
21300,71,4,7,"Robin: Ted, thoughtful. You go out jokes father of super lame."
21301,71,4,7,Ted: A cereal killer! A cereal killer!
21302,71,4,7,At the apartment...
21303,71,4,7,Robin: You make us moral. Like when you broke your ship in a bottle.
21304,71,4,7,Ted: I'm not sorry. I'm just disappointed.
21305,71,4,7,Barney: That's it!
21306,71,4,7,Robin: Shut up!
21307,71,4,7,At the restaurant...
21308,71,4,7,Robin: And you do that thing that all fathers are with the waitresses.
21309,71,4,7,Waitress: My name is Lori. I'll be your waitress tonight.
21310,71,4,7,"Ted: Hello, Lori, me, this is Ted. I will be your customer tonight.Before leaving, tell me. What is a killer in a wheat field? No index."
21311,71,4,7,End flashback
21312,71,4,7,"Lily: She's right. Perhaps you're single and childless, but you're really a redneck dad."
21313,71,4,7,"Ted: I do not appreciate that tone, young lady."
21314,71,4,7,
21315,71,4,7,Barney and Marshall are in the conference room.
21316,71,4,7,"Barney: The No-Fathers Day is a success! Laraby Finklestein and help me celebrate. Matt. Mugs ""Best Non-Father of the world."" There... T-shirts ""Who is your daddy? ""Available on fetedesnonperes.com. Looking greeting cards."
21317,71,4,7,"Marshall: ""For everything you do for your pear, for all the tape on your desk, on the road darkens your Porsche Carrera, I wish you... a night of threesome. Happy Birthday Non-Fathers. """
21318,71,4,7,Barney: Look at the illustration.
21319,71,4,7,Marshall: It looks like an Asian hooker.
21320,71,4,7,"Barney: Because at the Non-Fathers Day, you have a Thai girl you a blowjob. Tope, puns!"
21321,71,4,7,Back to Lily and Marshall...
21322,71,4,7,"Lily: It puts you in the mash, then. Your only hope is to be negative."
21323,71,4,7,Ted: I'll tell you why my opponent says it all. Three words: fear of... babies.
21324,71,4,7,Robin: What? You're crazy. This is false.
21325,71,4,7,Ted: Really?
21326,71,4,7,Flashback
21327,71,4,7,Ted: And when we saw my cousin and her baby? She's so cute!
21328,71,4,7,Cousin: You want to wear it?
21329,71,4,7,Robin takes the baby and passes it directly to Ted.
21330,71,4,7,Ted: Where the party that Lily had done for her friend Erika?You do feel for this baby?
21331,71,4,7,Robin: I do not want to bite.
21332,71,4,7,Ted: And do not forget...
21333,71,4,7,They are watching TV and she starts crying and runs into Ted's room.
21334,71,4,7,Marshall: Pub with baby talk?
21335,71,4,7,Ted: Pub with baby talk.
21336,71,4,7,End flashback
21337,71,4,7,Ted: But you're not like that. You like children too.
21338,71,4,7,"Lily: Yes, I'm lovely, beautiful and brilliant, but it's enough?"
21339,71,4,7,"Robin: It comes down to one word: ""you"". Are you ready to put your dreams in the background? Back in college, taught art at the university? You have to concentrate on the project before starting Lily Baby Project. Otherwise, you'll regret it forever.And it would be good neither for you nor for the baby. What is it?"
21340,71,4,7,Lily: The sock Jeremy. I will make a baby.
21341,71,4,7,"Robin: Well, and everything I said?"
21342,71,4,7,Lily: But sock.
21343,71,4,7,Robin: And Marshall who works all the time?
21344,71,4,7,Lily: But sock.
21345,71,4,7,Robin: But but Lily Project!
21346,71,4,7,Lily: With small fish.
21347,71,4,7,"Robin: We had this debate, and this is the sock that makes you make the decision?"
21348,71,4,7,"Ted: I think you're taking a ""chausettogari"", eh, Robin?"
21349,71,4,7,"Robin: Shut up, Dad."
21350,71,4,7,"Ted: You, shut up, baby-phobic."
21351,71,4,7,"Robin: Babies are scary, OK? With their giant eyes. And seriously, the fontanelle? If there is a self-destruct button, at least, hide it where it will not accidentally press."
21352,71,4,7,Ted: Where is Lily? You have to drink?
21353,71,4,7,Robin: Not a drop.
21354,71,4,7,Ted: I do not either.
21355,71,4,7,Marshall at work...
21356,71,4,7,"Men: Meeting in 5 minutes. You better be on top for Mr. Li This haunts my nightmares. Finally, have fun well, small."
21357,71,4,7,Marshall enters his office and Lily is lying on it.
21358,71,4,7,"Lily: Put a baby in me, Marshall. I'm ready."
21359,71,4,7,Marshall: What are you doing here?
21360,71,4,7,Lily: I'm ready. This is the big night. Removing your seed melon-headed in my belly.
21361,71,4,7,Marshall: What?
21362,71,4,7,"Lily: Come on, come on. Make me a baby. I'm ready. Hey, look. The types of the other building make me cuckoo. Hello, gentlemen! We will make a baby!"
21363,71,4,7,Robin and Ted are in a taxi.
21364,71,4,7,"Ted: I dream, it has been lost."
21365,71,4,7,Robin: That's why I have no children. We can not even taking his eyes for a second.
21366,71,4,7,Marshall: I can not find my file.
21367,71,4,7,"Lily: I'm all out of ""A"" to ""G""."
21368,71,4,7,"Robin: They sit there with their stupid bottles. They cry. They vomit. That's why babies, it sucks."
21369,71,4,7,Ted: That's good that we have broken. I had totally forgotten your psychosis on the kids.
21370,71,4,7,"Robin: My psychosis? Whenever you hear the word ""kid"", you have two small Milk tasks on your shirt."
21371,71,4,7,"Ted: God thank you, you're not my mother. You're an ice queen. All you have breastfed baby by a frozen brain."
21372,71,4,7,They arrive at the bar.
21373,71,4,7,Robin: Do not depict me as a monster for wanting to remain independent. In there is a lot of people who do not want it.
21374,71,4,7,"Barney: My brother, lay your hand on the box tops and repeat after me. Me, the false name you give to women."
21375,71,4,7,"Man: I, Johnny Banana."
21376,71,4,7,Barney: Swear to always choose the wet t-shirts to wet diapers.
21377,71,4,7,Man: Swear to always...
21378,71,4,7,Ted: You're in good company there.
21379,71,4,7,Robin: I'll see if the toilet. I also want to bring you back buffer.
21380,71,4,7,"Ted: Okay. When you have finished, you could ask a magician to heart."
21381,71,4,7,Robin: You know what? I should find another place to sleep.
21382,71,4,7,Ted: No argument.
21383,71,4,7,Robin: Well.
21384,71,4,7,Ted: Super.
21385,71,4,7,Barney: Welcome to our fraternity of non-paternity. In is one of ours.
21386,71,4,7,Marshall made his speech.
21387,71,4,7,"Marshall: Gentlemen, Mr. Li, if you will go to page 5 of your file merge. I think..."
21388,71,4,7,"Lily goes on a chair, a fire extinguisher in his hands."
21389,71,4,7,"Man: What has he, Eriksen?"
21390,71,4,7,Marshall: Nothing. I think you are... very beautiful today.
21391,71,4,7,Man: What are you looking?
21392,71,4,7,Marshall: I look at the future... of our two companies and it seems very... naked. Will you excuse me one second?
21393,71,4,7,Mr. Li: No one saw the girl drunk?
21394,71,4,7,At the bar...
21395,71,4,7,"Barney: Guys, you did not... This is a picture of me without children. And with macaroni glued to the frame. Guys, I love it."
21396,71,4,7,Robin: Lily is not there.
21397,71,4,7,Ted: Your cell phone rang. I answered. Hope it bother you. Lily is at Marshall. She is fine.
21398,71,4,7,Robin: thank you God. What?
21399,71,4,7,"Ted: When storing your mobile, I found something in your bag."
21400,71,4,7,Robin: I have a permit for that. And the other thing is a gift.
21401,71,4,7,Ted: You've stolen the Ca sock Jeremy.
21402,71,4,7,Robin: No. I do not know what she's doing there. It must have fallen into it. Bizarre!
21403,71,4,7,"Ted: ""Falling in? """
21404,71,4,7,Robin: Or Lily put it there for fun. That bitch is stuffed. I took it.It's just... so cute. Sock.
21405,71,4,7,"Ted: Robin Scherbatsky, you get the idea of having children?"
21406,71,4,7,"Robin: I know. One day, perhaps. When I'm 70. Science will catch me. I'm just... I'm lost right now. I'm unemployed, I live on a couch."
21407,71,4,7,Ted: There were two difficult months both. I have a room free.Why not come to me in the meantime?
21408,71,4,7,Robin: Really?
21409,71,4,7,Ted: Yeah.
21410,71,4,7,"Robin: Thank you, Ted. I have some ideas, so it will be one week, two large max."
21411,71,4,7,Ted (2030): And this is how your aunt Robin moved in with me.
21412,71,4,7,Lily Marshall back in his office.
21413,71,4,7,Lily: I'm bored. Come and dance. Come fly a liquor store!
21414,71,4,7,"Marshall: We're going nowhere. Each time we go out when you're drunk, you always fall asleep when you enter the..."
21415,71,4,7,Lily and Marshall get on a taxi.
21416,71,4,7,Lily: Let's dance! We gonna party all night!
21417,71,4,7,Lily sleeps.
21418,71,4,7,Marshall: Can you make several turns to make sure she is asleep?
21419,71,4,7,Driver: Sure.
21420,71,4,7,"At the bar, Barney joined Ted and Robin to the table."
21421,71,4,7,"Barney: The last great idea for Fathers Day-No, a pregnancy test, but instead of a blue line, there is a small blue Barney who does that."
21422,71,4,7,"Ted: Day of Non-Fathers, it sucks. It's a feast for the losers."
21423,71,4,7,Barney: What are you talking? This is a good group of friends.
21424,71,4,7,Ted: This is the effect cheerleaders.
21425,71,4,7,"Barney: No, Ted. It works for girls."
21426,71,4,7,"Robin: Look at these guys, individually. These geniuses are not childless by choice, my friend."
21427,71,4,7,"Ted: Good night, Barney."
21428,71,4,7,Robin: Good night.
21429,71,4,7,"Ted and Robin out of the bar, leaving Barney alone."
21430,71,4,7,Barney: Sock.
21431,71,4,7,Marshall joined Lily in the kitchen.
21432,71,4,7,Marshall: I smell pancakes with chocolate?
21433,71,4,7,"Lily: No, you feel ""pancake, I'm sorry for being such a stupid drunk"" chocolate."
21434,71,4,7,"Marshall: There's no ""I wish not to throw up on you"" bacon?"
21435,71,4,7,Lily: Of course.
21436,71,4,7,Marshall: Baby...
21437,71,4,7,Lily: I blame myself for last night. I was really painful. I just panicked at the thought of whether we are ready to parent. But you are so well taken care of me. I know you're gonna be a good father.
21438,71,4,7,Marshall: I want to be a father now.
21439,71,4,7,Lily: What?
21440,71,4,7,"Marshall: Last night, it was just... I share between work and drunk baby Lily, it was too. I just begin with this job, I work long hours... I love you. And I really want to have children one day.I just want... I want to be ready for that."
21441,71,4,7,"Lily: Me too. When we're ready, I know you'll be fantastic."
21442,71,4,7,Marshall: You too.
21443,71,4,7,"Lily: You wanna make love, by protecting themselves now?"
21444,71,4,7,Marshall: Yes.
21445,71,4,7,Lily: You want to finish your bacon first?
21446,71,4,7,Marshall: You're the perfect woman.
21447,71,4,7,Barney sings karaoke.
21448,71,4,7,"Barney: ""And the cat is in the cradle and the silver spoon Little Boy Blue and the Man on the Moon. When are you going back home, Dad? I do not know when we're together then, son I know we will have a good time. """
21449,72,4,8,"Ted (2030): Children at the end of 2008, your Aunt Robin was unemployed and a little adrift, so his friendship with Lily was more important than ever."
21450,72,4,8,Lily and Robin are in McClaren's.
21451,72,4,8,"Robin: So, it seems that Marshall has to work late on Friday.You know what that means, party girls."
21452,72,4,8,"Lily: Well, a teacher at my school, Jillian, a birthday. What?"
21453,72,4,8,"Robin: It's just that... I have never heard of this before Jillian, and suddenly, it's your best friend. You do not stop talking about her."
21454,72,4,8,Lily: Do not be jealous. We hang out together all the time.
21455,72,4,8,"Robin: Yeah, but Marshall is still there. There was not much time to talk, just us two."
21456,72,4,8,Lily: This is false.
21457,72,4,8,Flashback
21458,72,4,8,"At the apartment Marshall and Lily, Lily and Robin are sitting on the couch."
21459,72,4,8,Robin: This is where the story gets really good. So it goes...
21460,72,4,8,Marshall: Hi.
21461,72,4,8,"Robin:... place. And then this... guy talking about this thing with the stuff of which I spoke the other day about this place.Well, anyway... it happened."
21462,72,4,8,Marshall: My God. You and the guy the mayor's office did it to the UN under the office of Ambassador of Zaire? Cool.
21463,72,4,8,End flashback
21464,72,4,8,"Robin: I wish we had time for girls. I love Marshall, but I am not free to express myself."
21465,72,4,8,"Lily: Come with me and Jillian, then."
21466,72,4,8,"Robin: OK, but I want to stay too late because... (Marshall and Ted joined them at the table) Do you remember... this thing last month after going there? You know who said it was going, but she gave me tips."
21467,72,4,8,Marshall: You always mycoses?
21468,72,4,8,GENERIC
21469,72,4,8,Barney: I want to take this moment.
21470,72,4,8,Marshall: Which one?
21471,72,4,8,Barney: The last time you and I are just competing for the title of best friend Ted.
21472,72,4,8,Ted: Marshall is my best friend.
21473,72,4,8,Barney: Exactly. Draw. But it's all about to change. Is it correct that you are an architect?
21474,72,4,8,"Ted: My best friend does not, but still."
21475,72,4,8,Barney: You draw what now?
21476,72,4,8,"Ted: Well, you renovate the library Nouillorc."
21477,72,4,8,Robin: That's great!
21478,72,4,8,"Ted: No, not the New York Public Library. This is the library Nouillorc, in Dakota. Their books are in two parts: fishing and not fishing."
21479,72,4,8,Barney: I think you'll love what's happened at work.
21480,72,4,8,Flashback
21481,72,4,8,Barney is in a meeting.
21482,72,4,8,"Bilson: While corruption has destabilized the regime and killed most of the royal family, it helped to relax banking regulation in Rangoon. Good for us. Last order of the meeting it was decided to continue on the project's new headquarters in the city of Goliath National Bank."
21483,72,4,8,End flashback
21484,72,4,8,Ted: Who's going to draw?
21485,72,4,8,Barney: That was my first question.
21486,72,4,8,Flashback
21487,72,4,8,Barney: Who's going to draw?
21488,72,4,8,Bilson: We approached a company. This Swedish architectural collective called Sven.
21489,72,4,8,End flashback
21490,72,4,8,Ted: Sven?
21491,72,4,8,"Ted (2030): Sven was this swedish architecture collective revered for their bold, innovative designs. I hated them."
21492,72,4,8,Ted: I hate them. Swedish architecture collective.
21493,72,4,8,Robin: No one.
21494,72,4,8,Lily: Pretentious.
21495,72,4,8,"Ted: ""It is not a company. It is a collective. """
21496,72,4,8,"Barney: I know. ""We're Swedish. It's so cool with our baguettes and our Eiffel Tower. """
21497,72,4,8,"Marshall: Sweden, this is not France. You know that?"
21498,72,4,8,"Barney: It's France. No matter, I told Bilson..."
21499,72,4,8,Flashback
21500,72,4,8,"Barney: Bislon, saving your..."
21501,72,4,8,End flashback
21502,72,4,8,"Barney: No, I get up, and I told Bilson..."
21503,72,4,8,Flashback
21504,72,4,8,"Barney: Bislon, saving your..."
21505,72,4,8,End flashback
21506,72,4,8,Barney: Music. Imagine a patriotic music.
21507,72,4,8,Flashback
21508,72,4,8,"Barney: Bilson, with all due respect... it would be terrible if a job that would suit American architects was relevant to a band of French. Where is our patriotism? Love of country? Our love of all that..."
21509,72,4,8,"Bilson: Listen, Stinson, no one hates all the other countries of the world than me, but you have arguments?"
21510,72,4,8,Barney: Yes. I know a great American architect who would be perfect. Ted Mosby.
21511,72,4,8,End flashback
21512,72,4,8,"Barney: All you have to do is come and offer your drawing, I take care of the Board, the project is yours."
21513,72,4,8,Ted: You realize what a hero I'd be if I brought this project to my box?
21514,72,4,8,"Barney: It's not the best. We three, we'll work together."
21515,72,4,8,Marshall: Ted will come to call.
21516,72,4,8,"Barney: Yes, totally."
21517,72,4,8,Ted: What is it?
21518,72,4,8,Barney: It works like this: one of us goes into the office the other and said...
21519,72,4,8,Flashback
21520,72,4,8,Marshall is in his office with two men. Barney comes to see.
21521,72,4,8,"Barney: Marshall, the teleconference begins soon."
21522,72,4,8,"Marshall: Sorry, I gotta go."
21523,72,4,8,Barney: And then you go up on the roof... and drink beer.
21524,72,4,8,Barney and Marshall are on the roof.
21525,72,4,8,Marshall: It's great. Drinking at work.
21526,72,4,8,"Barney: Basically, it is of ""Mad Men."""
21527,72,4,8,"Marshall: Yes! There is too much ""Mad Men""!"
21528,72,4,8,Barney: I'll spank a secretary.
21529,72,4,8,Marshall: That's exactly what they would do in this series.
21530,72,4,8,Barney: What series?
21531,72,4,8,End flashback
21532,72,4,8,Barney: And then you throw the bodies of cans at pigeons.
21533,72,4,8,Marshall: I do not do that.
21534,72,4,8,Ted: I love to do that.
21535,72,4,8,Barney: I will realize your dream.
21536,72,4,8,"Ted: Seriously, Barney, from what I've lived with Stella, I have this opportunity... it touches me."
21537,72,4,8,"Ted (2030): It was true. You see, children, when I became an architect, I had a dream... contribute to building a panorama of New York. I wanted to point one of these buildings and say, ""See that? That right there? This is mine. ""This job was the opportunity to realize that."
21538,72,4,8,Robin and Lily walk into a bar.
21539,72,4,8,"Robin: Your friend has a birthday here? She has what, 19?"
21540,72,4,8,"Lily: No. Believe me, it's not his style. She must not know what kind of place this is."
21541,72,4,8,"Jillian: We're here, my little p *** sexy! We just get served!"
21542,72,4,8,All: Wooo!
21543,72,4,8,"Lily: Oh, my God. At school, she is so calm and normal. I thought it was not... a Woo."
21544,72,4,8,Flashback
21545,72,4,8,"Ted (2030): What is Woo? Let me explain. Woo is a kind of a young woman, who, like the cuckoo and the nightingale, takes its name from its singular it produces. Also, a Woo can be triggered in different ways. On one particular song on the jukebox..."
21546,72,4,8,"Jillian: My God, this song is my story too."
21547,72,4,8,All: Wooo!
21548,72,4,8,"Ted (2030):... to a cheap shooter. On a ride on a mechanical bull... up, everything and anything."
21549,72,4,8,"Jillian: Oh my God, I was afraid of not having fed the cat, then I remembered that I had done."
21550,72,4,8,All: Wooo!
21551,72,4,8,End flashback
21552,72,4,8,"Lily: I swear, at school, Jillian is not so Woo."
21553,72,4,8,Robin: It was not like a Woo. Perhaps it is that holidays like Mardi Gras and the day of the year. Maybe this is a cyclical Woo.
21554,72,4,8,"At the apartment, Ted shows his drawing to Barney."
21555,72,4,8,"Ted: Okay, be cool with me. This is a first draft."
21556,72,4,8,"Barney: Ted, it's incredible. Detail. Shadows. The liveliness of the lines. This is exactly what Princess Leia would look like, topless."
21557,72,4,8,"Ted: My way of saying thank you. Okay, you wanna see my designs for the building?"
21558,72,4,8,"Barney: No, that's fine."
21559,72,4,8,Marshall enters the apartment.
21560,72,4,8,"Marshall: Listen to this. Lily sent me a text message. It was at this bar, The Giddy Ups with full of Woos."
21561,72,4,8,Barney runs out.
21562,72,4,8,"The bar ""Gippy Ups..."
21563,72,4,8,"Jillian: My God, girls, my breast just out of my top bar. And no! I took it out for a drink blackjack!"
21564,72,4,8,All: Wooo!
21565,72,4,8,"Robin: So, Jillian, it seems that when you not flash the bartenders, you are mistress of CE1. How is it?"
21566,72,4,8,"Jillian: If rewarding. I dunno if you know the RIE method, but it derives from the philosophy of progressive education Steiner founded the Waldorf school, which is... Oh my God, I love this song! Come on bitches, let's dance!"
21567,72,4,8,All: Wooo!
21568,72,4,8,"Jillian: You too, my ****** s."
21569,72,4,8,Lily: No thank you... drag ignorant.
21570,72,4,8,"Barney: Lily Aldrin, little secretive. For years, I say that our gang needs a Woo, and thou hast hid me in a whole herd."
21571,72,4,8,Lily: You do not need a Woo. Nobody needs it.
21572,72,4,8,"Barney: Attention Lily. The world badly needs the Woos. If there were not Woos, there would not Girls Gone Wild, no bachelor party girl, no pool bar in Las Vegas... all the things you hold dear would not exist."
21573,72,4,8,Lily: None of this stuff...
21574,72,4,8,"Barney: Industry shooters memories would collapse. Just like the glitter body and that of Hummer limos. The mini cowboy hats would be worn by the little cowboys. And when ""Brown Eyed Girl"" happen on a jukebox, you do not hear... that silence. And ""Brown Eyed Girl."" But who would Woo, Lily?Who would woo? Would you? You'd... Woo?"
21575,72,4,8,Jillian: Who wants to name my tits?
21576,72,4,8,All: Wooo!
21577,72,4,8,"Barney: Well you'll excuse me, I have a date with Bataille and Fontaine."
21578,72,4,8,"Ted (2030): The weeks that followed, I immersed myself in work. It was great to be on a project I really wanted to heart.Finally, the morning of the presentation arrived."
21579,72,4,8,"Ted presents his project, the company Barney."
21580,72,4,8,"Ted: And we think this design will radiate timeless power and stability of the Goliath National Bank. Thank you, gentlemen."
21581,72,4,8,Ted (2030): I came out pretty confident about my chances.That evening I met Barney.
21582,72,4,8,Barney is sitting on the steps of a building.
21583,72,4,8,"Ted: Hey, Barney! Give me the good news."
21584,72,4,8,Barney: You did not have.
21585,72,4,8,Ted: What?
21586,72,4,8,Barney: The Board... Sven decided to choose.
21587,72,4,8,Woman (in a limo): Wooo!
21588,72,4,8,In McClaren's...
21589,72,4,8,Ted: I can not believe I had not. I thought I had hit the nail. Why did they choose Sven?
21590,72,4,8,Barney: I've done everything to change their minds. But they did not budge. I'm sorry.
21591,72,4,8,Ted: It's really bad. After the way the last few months have passed... I guess I'd need more than I thought.
21592,72,4,8,"Marshall: You want to go to the current GNB building and just... I dunno, just a little pee on it?"
21593,72,4,8,Ted: I think I need it.
21594,72,4,8,Barney: Finish Your Beer. Fill the machine.
21595,72,4,8,They leave when Robin arrives.
21596,72,4,8,Robin: It's been what?
21597,72,4,8,Lily: Ted did not get the job. But this is not the biggest disappointment of the day.
21598,72,4,8,Robin: What?
21599,72,4,8,Lily: You were seen to Woo.
21600,72,4,8,"Robin: Given that, do Woo?"
21601,72,4,8,Lily: You who did Woo?
21602,72,4,8,Robin: I have not done Woo.
21603,72,4,8,"Lily: Oh, yes."
21604,72,4,8,Robin: That's not true.
21605,72,4,8,Lily: Your nose is growing. You've become best friends with Jillian now?
21606,72,4,8,"Robin: It's just... You're married, I'm still single. Whenever I'm with you, I'm usually the 3rd wheel. Sometimes it's nice to go out with other singles and doing stuff you do not."
21607,72,4,8,Lily: Like what?
21608,72,4,8,"Robin: As to Woo, Lily. As to Woo."
21609,72,4,8,Lily: I can Woo.
21610,72,4,8,Robin: That's not true.
21611,72,4,8,Lily: But if.
21612,72,4,8,"Robin: It's not you, that."
21613,72,4,8,
21614,72,4,8,Marshall is in his office when Bilson from the corridor.
21615,72,4,8,"Marshall: Bilson? I just wanna say, I know that you chose Sven, but... Ted Mosby is extremely talented, and... he would have made a hell of a job."
21616,72,4,8,Bilson: Yes. I voted for him.
21617,72,4,8,Barney is in the meeting room.
21618,72,4,8,Barney: It's okay. All withdrawals at ATMs are free.
21619,72,4,8,Marshall: Teleconference. Now.
21620,72,4,8,Barney leaves the room and climbed onto the roof with Marshall.
21621,72,4,8,Marshall: You wanna tell me something?
21622,72,4,8,Barney: Good grief. I told Heather to put everything back as it was on your desk.
21623,72,4,8,Marshall: Bilson told me he wanted to give the job to Ted.What has happened?
21624,72,4,8,Barney: Okay.
21625,72,4,8,Flashback
21626,72,4,8,Ted presents his project.
21627,72,4,8,"Ted:... will radiate power and stability of the Goliath National Bank. Thank you, gentlemen."
21628,72,4,8,Ted leaves the room.
21629,72,4,8,Barney: So?
21630,72,4,8,Bilson: It was great. I like it.
21631,72,4,8,Barney: It looks like we had our man. I not think there need to see...
21632,72,4,8,"Man: I'm Sven Jorgensen. With me, there's Pilsen and Sven Sven Johanssen, and it is... Sven! You are the Goliath National Bank. You are at the forefront. You are new and fresh.Women want to be with you, men want to hurt you, but the fool who dares challenge you will be crushed! Your home office will show the world these facts. And one more thing... Do not look now! (It shows a dinosaur) Who is Barney Stinson, the head of the Research Committee?"
21633,72,4,8,"Barney: Oh, my God. It's me!"
21634,72,4,8,"Sven: You, Barney Stinson, are a man of power and virility.Your office will be here in the head of Tyrannosaurus."
21635,72,4,8,"Barney: I've never known so far, but I've always wanted."
21636,72,4,8,"Sven: On your desktop rosewood Honduras, there is this button."
21637,72,4,8,Barney: What does this button?
21638,72,4,8,Sven: Press! Press for the glory!
21639,72,4,8,Barney supports and fire proceeds from the mouth of the dinosaur.
21640,72,4,8,Barney: It's building the coolest of the universe. It could not be more awesome.
21641,72,4,8,"Sven: There is a striptease club in the letter ""N""."
21642,72,4,8,End flashback
21643,72,4,8,"Marshall: What is your problem? This is the big break of Ted!You have betrayed to work in the brain of a Tyrannosaurus, which, incidentally, if you knew the dinosaurs is very, very small."
21644,72,4,8,Barney: It's not my office. The building was well Ted. That of Sven was better. And I will not let the fact that I am the best friend of Ted influence business.
21645,72,4,8,Marshall: You have not chosen one of Sven because he was better. You wanted an office dinosaur.
21646,72,4,8,"Barney: It's a lie! I chose it because it... He breathes fire, Marshall."
21647,72,4,8,"Marshall: ""Fire Marshall""."
21648,72,4,8,Barney: I have not even paid attention.
21649,72,4,8,Marshall: How could you do that to Ted after all that happened with Stella? You are an egoist.
21650,72,4,8,"Barney: I never made a career choice by selfishness. I am a professional. Go. Spend a good day, drunk, and throw the bodies of the pigeons."
21651,72,4,8,"Marshall: No. For two reasons. A, pigeons are smarter than you think. They are resentful. And two, it's our last conference call, Mr. Stinson. There are repercussions to ride a friend."
21652,72,4,8,Barney: Like what?
21653,72,4,8,"Marshall: Because, that."
21654,72,4,8,"It removes the extinguisher that held the door and closes it, leaving Barney alone on the roof. Several pigeons land on the edge of the roof."
21655,72,4,8,"Back at the Bar ""Gippy Ups""..."
21656,72,4,8,"Jillian: My God, girls. Yesterday, we collected $ 10 000 for my charity that fights illiteracy children. It's a real problem."
21657,72,4,8,Robin: Someone won a trip buttocks until the first dance floor of the canyon of spanking!
21658,72,4,8,All: Wooo!
21659,72,4,8,Lily: Wooo!
21660,72,4,8,Robin: What are you doing here?
21661,72,4,8,Lily: The same things are funny as singles.
21662,72,4,8,Robin: That's what the fireman's helmet?
21663,72,4,8,"Lily: I had no cowboy hat, and it was the day of fire safety at school... My God, ***** s. This is our theme."
21664,72,4,8,Robin: Really? Who sings that?
21665,72,4,8,Lily: LL Cool J stuff always comes out?
21666,72,4,8,Barney is still on the roof but Sven had joined him.
21667,72,4,8,"Barney: That's great, Sven. You are so much cooler than Marshall. He has not even mix. Who wants a foam?"
21668,72,4,8,Sven: I do not understand. Where is the call?
21669,72,4,8,"Barney: It's the call. Got it? In America, when we work late, you lie on a conference call, and here we ascend a few beers. It's great."
21670,72,4,8,Sven: It's a waste of time. Pumps!
21671,72,4,8,"The ""Gippy Ups""..."
21672,72,4,8,"Jillian: Misty, you're a real slut. We get another shot."
21673,72,4,8,All: Wooo!
21674,72,4,8,"Misty: It's you, the slut, drag. It is you who pays."
21675,72,4,8,All: Wooo!
21676,72,4,8,"Woman: No, ***** s, it is you who pays. You're too p *** a."
21677,72,4,8,All: Wooo!
21678,72,4,8,Lily: You are a bunch of prostitutes. You must have STDs.
21679,72,4,8,Jillian: Come and dance.
21680,72,4,8,"Robin: Lily, it does not work. You should not be there."
21681,72,4,8,"Lily: I get it. Because I am happily married, I'm a schmuck?"
21682,72,4,8,"Robin: On the contrary. Why do you think the Woo Woos have to when they win a drinking game? Or when a guy takes off his gun t-shirt? Because that's all that life brings. These are...People really sad. And when she go out with someone who has it all, someone like you, it's disappointing. It takes them Woo."
21683,72,4,8,Lily: You say that to make me feel not like an old married.
21684,72,4,8,Robin: Look at those girls. Look at them and listen to what they mean Woo.
21685,72,4,8,"Woman: Wooo! (""I cry in the shower!"")"
21686,72,4,8,"Misty: Wooo! (""I've never had a second date!"")"
21687,72,4,8,"Jillian: Wooo! (""And if I was ever mother?"")"
21688,72,4,8,"Woman 2: Wooo! (""I'm secretly in love with Jillian!"")"
21689,72,4,8,"Ted: Wooo! (""My career and my love life going nowhere!"")"
21690,72,4,8,Lily: The poor girls... and Ted. I want to give them a hug.
21691,72,4,8,"Robin: Right now I am like them. I have no job, no boyfriend, I'm confused. So... occasionally, I need to Woo, but when I need to talk about something concrete, it is to you I turn. You're my best friend."
21692,72,4,8,"Lily: And you, mine. And I promise to dedicate ourselves more time. Marshall did not need to paste something from being done."
21693,72,4,8,Marshall: You have tested those purple shots in test tubes? I took five. I believe that there is no alcohol in it.
21694,72,4,8,Lily: Where did you get that hat?
21695,72,4,8,Marshall: What hat?
21696,72,4,8,Barney: It turned Sven.
21697,72,4,8,Ted: What?
21698,72,4,8,"Barney: Those guys were morons. Of course, they had cool ideas... really cool ideas. In fact, I wonder if it's not too late...The fact is: you have the job."
21699,72,4,8,Ted: Really?
21700,72,4,8,"Barney: The committee realized he had erred. In addition, you are precious to them and they want you to be happy."
21701,72,4,8,Ted: It's weird.
21702,72,4,8,"Barney: Your plans were the best and you deserve it. You should know one thing that you did not get the job early. You see, Ted..."
21703,72,4,8,"Marshall: It was Bilson. Bilson wanted to have a head office in the dinosaur, Barney convinced him that it was really, really stupid."
21704,72,4,8,Barney: You know...
21705,72,4,8,"Ted: Thank you, Barney. I believe it. I brought in my box the largest contract that she had. Wooo! (""Now, only my love life is a disaster!"") The next is for me."
21706,72,4,8,Barney: Why you helped me?
21707,72,4,8,"Marshall: You did the right thing. You got a well deserved boost. And then it would have disappointed Ted, and it is finally... very happy for the moment."
21708,72,4,8,"Barney: You are truly the best friend Ted. And me too. Tie.Thank you, Marshall."
21709,72,4,8,"Ted (2030): Marshall eventually cracked and confessed the truth about Barney, like, ten minutes later, so much so that Uncle Barney attached to a mechanical bull, set to position ""Mixed Paint"" and it returned."
21710,72,4,8,"Ted: I love you, man."
21711,72,4,8,"Barney: Me too, buddy."
21712,72,4,8,Ted: You mount the bull?
21713,72,4,8,"Barney: No, even if you pay me. I have an inner ear problem."
21714,72,4,8,Ted (2030): It was a rather brilliant night.
21715,72,4,8,"Hours later, the ""Gippy Ups""... A man stands Barney's mechanical bull."
21716,72,4,8,Man: three hours. This is the record of the bar.
21717,72,4,8,He falls down and the bull.
21718,72,4,8,"Barney: That's right, girls."
21719,72,4,8,"Woman: You know what would be really crazy, funny and stupid to do tonight? If you and I, we found a guy to do it for three."
21720,72,4,8,Jillian: Maybe... If we find the right guy.
21721,72,4,8,"Barney tries to see the two young women, but falls."
21722,72,4,8,"Woman: Yes, and... if there is not the right guy, both could just..."
21723,72,4,8,"Jillian: You know who is more cute? This guy, Ted. Come and get it."
21724,73,4,9,"Ted (2030): Children, it is believed all know how long it takes to recover from a breakup."
21725,73,4,9,"At the apartment of Lily and Marshall, Lily and Ted in the kitchen."
21726,73,4,9,Lily: Half the time the relationship.
21727,73,4,9,Marshall: One week per month spent together.
21728,73,4,9,"At the apartment, Ted is sitting on the couch with Robin."
21729,73,4,9,"Robin: Just 10,000 glasses. No matter how long it takes."
21730,73,4,9,It is now McClaren's with Barney.
21731,73,4,9,Barney: You can not measure something like that in a while. It is step by step. From his bed at the front door. Bam! You're outside. Next!
21732,73,4,9,"Ted (2030): But you're beginning to recover when you meet the person who puts you in the game. This is the story of how I met this person. (Ted takes the elevator with a woman. She goes out and Ted is in the elevator) Children, if you go swimming, you immerse them directly. (Another, he finds himself again in the elevator with the woman) First, you dip your toe in the water."
21733,73,4,9,Ted: Hi.
21734,73,4,9,Woman: Hi.
21735,73,4,9,"She goes back to the elevator. And the next day, they are again in the elevator together."
21736,73,4,9,"Ted (2030): You take the temperature, to get an impression."
21737,73,4,9,Ted: For me it's Ted.
21738,73,4,9,Wife Vicky.
21739,73,4,9,"Then she goes out. Another day, between Ted and then take the elevator to spring. Vicky arrives and does the same. The elevator reaches the ground floor and ride the elevator together."
21740,73,4,9,Ted (2030): And you come back gently into the water.
21741,73,4,9,"Ted: I was left on the altar, there is one month."
21742,73,4,9,"Ted (2030): Or, you know, the bomb."
21743,73,4,9,"Ted: It was a complete disaster and since then I have not even managed to look at another woman. Except the old lady in the subway that makes break dancing. I look at it that way. I just watched. Finally, it is an old lady who made the break dance.And it is good. I will give him a dollar, the next time. Let's pretend I said it: These travel lift were asleep the moment of my week, and I would like to see you Friday night. In a lift. At the restaurant, nice. What do you think?"
21744,73,4,9,Vicky: Yes.
21745,73,4,9,GENERIC
21746,73,4,9,"Ted (2030): Children, I saw a bunch of crazy stuff on entering the apartment all these years."
21747,73,4,9,Flashback
21748,73,4,9,"On November 26, 2004, Ted returned to the apartment. There are two acrobats and Lily with its range of hand painting."
21749,73,4,9,Lily: Sorry guys. I'll just make a fruit cup.
21750,73,4,9,"July 16, 2007, Barney was handcuffed and locked in a box filled with water."
21751,73,4,9,Marshall: It's been 12 minutes!
21752,73,4,9,"December 15, 2006, Robin holds a gun in his hands and also two men, including one on TV under his arm."
21753,73,4,9,Robin: Put it!
21754,73,4,9,Man 1: You first!
21755,73,4,9,"Man 2: Why you referred me, Ike?"
21756,73,4,9,Ike: Do not say my name!
21757,73,4,9,Robin: Ask your weapons!
21758,73,4,9,"May 8, 2009, a goat is in the living room."
21759,73,4,9,End flashback
21760,73,4,9,Ted (2030): But one of the craziest things I saw happened when I was a roommate with your Aunt Robin.
21761,73,4,9,Ted returned to the apartment and found a naked man sitting on the couch.
21762,73,4,9,Ted: You're who?
21763,73,4,9,Man Mitch.
21764,73,4,9,"Ted: What are you doing, Mitch?"
21765,73,4,9,Mitch: You must be the roommate. I'm with Robin. She came out to take a call. I think its handheld gaming here.
21766,73,4,9,"Ted: Robin did not use the super secret signal. We put the old menu on the handle. This restaurant had to close. Mr. Popol...No need to explain why it's funny. I'm off. When leaving, take the pillow with you. This is a waste now."
21767,73,4,9,Ted left the apartment. Robin is still out on the phone.
21768,73,4,9,"Robin: I think I am more than qualified for the job. My weaknesses? I would say too caring, overworked, and I spend my career first. Oops! The latter is true. What?"
21769,73,4,9,"Ted finds Barney, Marshall and Lil McClaren's in there."
21770,73,4,9,"Ted: Apparently, our sweet, innocent, little Robin led a lover. A young skinny named Mitch."
21771,73,4,9,Lily: His thing arranged? A real disaster. She sent me text messages all night. She just let go to use the bathroom.
21772,73,4,9,Ted: Excuse me one minute.
21773,73,4,9,He gets up and goes back to the apartment.
21774,73,4,9,"Mitch: Man, you annoy me. I am in action here."
21775,73,4,9,Ted: What action?
21776,73,4,9,"Mitch: This is my technique. It's called, ""The guy with hair."""
21777,73,4,9,"Ted: ""The guy naked?"""
21778,73,4,9,Flashback
21779,73,4,9,Robin returned to the apartment with Mitch.
21780,73,4,9,"Mitch: That's the trick. You're the first date, you've had a few drinks, you go out an excuse to go to the girl."
21781,73,4,9,"Robin: The bathroom is. (His phone rings) You know what, I will respond."
21782,73,4,9,"Mitch: Then when she leaves, you undress and wait for you.When she returns, she laughs. She is so fascinated by your insurance, and your bravado she sleep with you."
21783,73,4,9,End flashback
21784,73,4,9,Ted: No chance it works!
21785,73,4,9,Mitch: Two out of three.
21786,73,4,9,Ted: Two out of three?
21787,73,4,9,"Mitch: Two out of three. You just choose your moment. ""The guy naked"" mostly run as a last resort, the last resort to first appointment when you know that there will be no second."
21788,73,4,9,Ted: How do you know?
21789,73,4,9,Mitch: Look at me.
21790,73,4,9,Ted: I'd rather not.
21791,73,4,9,"Mitch: Robin is not in my division. I'm not smart, funny and handsome. As you can see, there is nothing impressive nowhere there. My only chance with a girl like Robin, is the surprise. And let's be honest, a little pity. This is shock and ""Ohhh."""
21792,73,4,9,Ted: It does not work really.
21793,73,4,9,Mitch: Two out of three. Guaranteed.
21794,73,4,9,Back at the bar...
21795,73,4,9,Marshall: No December '.
21796,73,4,9,Ted: Two out of three. He assured me.
21797,73,4,9,"Barney: Seriously. No chance it works on Robin. It will come, take a look at this idiot and send tampers."
21798,73,4,9,"Lily: She'll beat him up, yes."
21799,73,4,9,Marshall: It's going to take his gun and shoot him.
21800,73,4,9,They laugh and run off the bar. They arrive at the door where the menu is hung on the doorknob.
21801,73,4,9,Marshall: My God!
21802,73,4,9,Ted: It worked.
21803,73,4,9,Marshall: The business returns for Mr. Popol.
21804,73,4,9,At the bar...
21805,73,4,9,"Barney: ""The naked guy"" works! It will revolutionize the blows of an evening! It's like the forward pass in American football.Dunk the basketball. This stuff barber where they hold the wick and cut above. It changes everything!"
21806,73,4,9,"Lily: Barney, this guy has slept with Robin, you say that being in love. How it makes you excited?"
21807,73,4,9,"Barney: ""The naked guy"" is more important than me and Robin. All these years, I broke my ass, with my secret identity, my laps and my gadgets. I mean, I'm Batman. But this guy is Superman. He tears his clothes and go."
21808,73,4,9,Lily: What kind of gadgets you talking about?
21809,73,4,9,"Ted: So, it's going to be, a roommate? I come home, and guys with whom you will go out sitting on the couch, naked."
21810,73,4,9,Robin: I can not tell you.
21811,73,4,9,"Ted: I can not believe that ""The guy with hair 'market has on you."
21812,73,4,9,"Robin: How do you say? I entered and he was naked. It was funny. I laughed, he laughed. And then it happened. I know not."
21813,73,4,9,Marshall: I say ***** s!
21814,73,4,9,Robin: Sorry?
21815,73,4,9,"Marshall: Sorry Robin, but cate with this type suggests that all that separates you from s*x, it's the clothes."
21816,73,4,9,Robin: I have not slept with Mitch because he was naked.
21817,73,4,9,"Marshall: So, why did you lie?"
21818,73,4,9,Robin: Because... It... It... because I like Mitch. Much. There was a... connection specificity. Specificity and feelings.
21819,73,4,9,"Marshall: Because he was naked. Sorry, but I disagree. There is only one reason to sleep with someone, and it is ""love"".Marshall is a big girl because he believes in love and read ""And it was true"" because the secretaries were forced to join the Oprah book club. But you know I'm right."
21820,73,4,9,"Lily: Marshall, I love you, but there are plenty of reasons to lie."
21821,73,4,9,Marshall: Cite me one.
21822,73,4,9,Lily: I will quote 50.
21823,73,4,9,Marshall: You could not.
21824,73,4,9,Lily: Number one: last Thursday.
21825,73,4,9,Flashback
21826,73,4,9,Marshall and Lily are in bed. Lily does not sleep.
21827,73,4,9,"Lily: Marshall, you wanna do?"
21828,73,4,9,Marshall: I'm here.
21829,73,4,9,End flashback
21830,73,4,9,Marshall: You have defiled the marital bed because you could not sleep?
21831,73,4,9,"Lily: It was you who said, ""This shadow on the ceiling, it looks an awful clown toothless. Good night, Lily. """
21832,73,4,9,Marshall: Okay! It makes one. But I dare you to...
21833,73,4,9,"Lily: I'll give you 50. There's s*x reconciliation... breaking s*x, and s*x ""a friend told you about a new position."""
21834,73,4,9,"Barney: You're welcome. There is also ""revenge"", ""bounce back"", ""parachuting"". When you're traveling, but instead of going to the hotel, you'll live in a bar to find a girl to get a foothold."
21835,73,4,9,"Robin: Oh, that, ""the kiss for a roof."""
21836,73,4,9,Marshall: ***** S!
21837,73,4,9,Robin: I do not. My roommate in college did.
21838,73,4,9,"Marshall: No, Robin, it's just a bad cough. I'm not really a bad cough. We all know that the ""roommate in college,"" it's you, ***** s! Nobody has a Strepsil?"
21839,73,4,9,"Lily: Oh, I have one. s*x ""bugger all on TV."""
21840,73,4,9,"Ted: The s*x ""hotel room""."
21841,73,4,9,"Barney: ""Curiosity,"" style, ""Me have always wondered how to do this is with a great girl."" Big guy not a girl, just great. Like...if a normal girl was 2.10 m, 2.25 m high, and... wearing a mini denim skirt. I wonder how it is."
21842,73,4,9,42 reasons later...
21843,73,4,9,"Robin: s*x, ""He says he loves you, but do not want to say the same."""
21844,73,4,9,Lily: 43.
21845,73,4,9,"Ted: ""The co-pilot who jumps on the grenade to a friend."""
21846,73,4,9,Lily: 44.
21847,73,4,9,"Barney: ""Condoms will expire."""
21848,73,4,9,Lily: 45. It gets a little tough.
21849,73,4,9,Barney: 46!
21850,73,4,9,"Lily: Still 4. ""You make a crisp fall on his knees and the when you picked up, he thinks it is an approach, and it happens."""
21851,73,4,9,Marshall: Thanks for ruining the memory of the anniversary of our six months.
21852,73,4,9,Lily: You gave me some chips.
21853,73,4,9,Marshall: You can stop with this stupid list? You make me sad.
21854,73,4,9,"Lily: No, I have fun. But this thing of a ""partner"", it sucks sometimes. I always talk about you. I can not play ""I never,"" because everyone knows all the quirks that I let you do."
21855,73,4,9,Marshall: The only oddity that I did was to open my heart and my soul when I had put me to hair when the room was empty.
21856,73,4,9,Robin: I have not slept with Mitch because he was naked!Mitch and I have something special. My fingers are crossed.That may be correct.
21857,73,4,9,Marshall: The good? Mitch? The guy naked?
21858,73,4,9,"Barney: You mean the naked genius. All this time I wore a suit when I should have removed it. That's it. I ""The guy naked,"" tonight. And you too."
21859,73,4,9,Ted: What?
21860,73,4,9,"Barney: With the girl from the elevator. You're with her tonight?""Dude naked""!"
21861,73,4,9,"Ted: This is the first girl I had the courage to invite, from Stella."
21862,73,4,9,"Barney: ""Dude naked""!"
21863,73,4,9,Ted: This is the eighth place I try tonight! I cut my hair 3 times! I am out!
21864,73,4,9,Robin: You're makeup?
21865,73,4,9,"Ted: It's not the makeup! It is a sun cream with a subtle shade of... It is for men. It's good, I want my eyes stand out."
21866,73,4,9,"Barney: ""Dude naked""!"
21867,73,4,9,"Ted: No, Barney, I like Vicky. It could be serious. I want to do anything stupid to jeopardize that."
21868,73,4,9,"Barney: I really like... this girl, but... I had not seen from behind. I really like... this girl. And I am willing to compromise our future for a night of glory. ""Dude naked""!"
21869,73,4,9,Barney gets up and goes to see the woman at the counter.
21870,73,4,9,Ted (2030): That night we all had something to prove. Robin wanted to defend his honor.
21871,73,4,9,"Robin (on phone): Mitch, baby, that's me. Robin. Want to grab something to eat tonight? Because you're my boyfriend!"
21872,73,4,9,
21873,73,4,9,"Lily is sitting on the couch, when Marshall returns."
21874,73,4,9,Ted (2030): Lily needed to prove she could finish his list.
21875,73,4,9,Lily: I'm stuck. I find it the last 2.
21876,73,4,9,"Marshall: Reason 48: ""To reinforce good behavior, such as shaving or dental hygiene."" Now you conditioned me? Great!That's why I have an erection when I go floss."
21877,73,4,9,Ted is the restaurant with Vicky.
21878,73,4,9,"Ted (2030): I had to prove that as scary as it may be out, Stella and I had forgotten I was ready to return. (Barney from the bar with a woman) And Barney had to prove that he too could be ""The guy naked."""
21879,73,4,9,In women...
21880,73,4,9,Barney: Thanks for letting me see your aquarium. You save my life.
21881,73,4,9,"Woman: Sure, no problem."
21882,73,4,9,"Barney: I just go to the bathroom and I'm off. Ted, I do. I ""The guy naked""!"
21883,73,4,9,Ted: Me too!
21884,73,4,9,"Ted is in the living room of Vicky, naked."
21885,73,4,9,Barney: You...
21886,73,4,9,"Ted: I do. I ""The guy naked""!"
21887,73,4,9,Barney: It's great! Why did you change your mind?
21888,73,4,9,"Ted: The evening started well, but... not as good as I hoped."
21889,73,4,9,Flashback
21890,73,4,9,At the restaurant...
21891,73,4,9,"Vicky: Oh, my God! Ted, you're so funny! And I can tell you that you have beautiful eyes."
21892,73,4,9,"Ted: What, this old stuff?"
21893,73,4,9,The server reverses a pitcher on Vicky.
21894,73,4,9,"Vicky: Well done, hothead."
21895,73,4,9,Server: I'm sorry.
21896,73,4,9,"Vicky: Stop! Go and tell the director he owes us an entry. One of those with shrimp! Nothing. You were saying? And then his cane missed the last step and fell, while, I swear, at least 2 minutes. God, I love old."
21897,73,4,9,End flashback
21898,73,4,9,"Ted: When I realized that there was no future in this relationship, I decided to do."
21899,73,4,9,"Barney: Great! OK, the important question: What will your pose ""naked guy""?"
21900,73,4,9,Ted: It's a good question. I have not really thought.
21901,73,4,9,"Barney: I thought ""Superman."""
21902,73,4,9,"Ted: And the ""Captain Morgan""?"
21903,73,4,9,"Barney: And ""Oops, I did not have you seen?"""
21904,73,4,9,Ted: The Thinker?
21905,73,4,9,Barney: And the Heisman?
21906,73,4,9,Ted: Mr. Clean?
21907,73,4,9,"Barney: The ""Burt Reynolds""."
21908,73,4,9,Robin is the restaurant with Mitch.
21909,73,4,9,Robin: It's a pleasure to see you again. I really enjoyed it last night. So how does it feel to hold a Pizza Hut? Who had the idea to put a pineapple in the...
21910,73,4,9,"Mitch: OK, enough. I know what it is. I have already given. This is the hot date ""I'm not a ***** s""."
21911,73,4,9,"Robin: What? It's crazy. Usually, you see clearly in my game, but there you are mistaken."
21912,73,4,9,"Mitch: C'mon, Robin. One of us has had a good time, and you know it's me."
21913,73,4,9,Robin Mitchell... Thing is... not true!
21914,73,4,9,Mitch: Really? How was the s*x?
21915,73,4,9,Robin: I have not hated.
21916,73,4,9,"Mitch: Did you see my technique. That's it. I have nothing to offer you. I am ruined, I sweat when I eat, and I'm in fantasy football leagues 5. I talking about it. Believe me, you want to be."
21917,73,4,9,Robin: What? Of course I do! I did not sleep with you just because you were naked.
21918,73,4,9,"Mitch: But if. And now you pretend that it was more to feel better. Say what you want, at least ""The naked guy"" is honest."
21919,73,4,9,"Ted and Barney are always on the phone, naked in the living room of Vicky and the other in the bathroom of another woman."
21920,73,4,9,"Ted: What do you think of the good old ""Baby Cadum""?"
21921,73,4,9,Barney: The Olympic gymnast successful landing.
21922,73,4,9,Ted: I gotta go.
21923,73,4,9,"Barney: ""Dude naked""!"
21924,73,4,9,They hang up.
21925,73,4,9,Ted: It's nice home!
21926,73,4,9,"Vicky: Thank you, from you, it's a real compliment. I love you to be an architect, it's fascinating. I could listen to you talk about design structures all night."
21927,73,4,9,"Ted (2030): This is where I saw, lying on the table, a book of love poems by Pablo Neruda. The same issue I had in college. And the bookmark was my favorite poem. Maybe I was wrong about this girl. It was perhaps a future."
21928,73,4,9,Ted: Damn!
21929,73,4,9,He dressed quickly. Vicky returns to the show.
21930,73,4,9,Vicky: And that's it.
21931,73,4,9,Ted: Pablo Neruda.
21932,73,4,9,"Vicky: Yeah, this book is a sh1t. An idiot with whom I left it out there. This is in Mexico. (She returns to the kitchen) You know who writes good poems? Jewel. She has rotten teeth and she lives in a car. It has stuff to tell."
21933,73,4,9,"When she returns, Ted is naked. Barney is naked in the hallway, in the woman he met at the bar. And Lily is naked in the apartment."
21934,73,4,9,Ted joined Marshall and Lily to McClaren's.
21935,73,4,9,"Ted: ""The naked guy"" works! I just sleep with a horrible person. I'm back!"
21936,73,4,9,"Marshall: Congratulations, buddy."
21937,73,4,9,"Ted: You're not the only one who provided e ""Dude-haired."""
21938,73,4,9,Flashback
21939,73,4,9,Marshall discovers Lily naked in the living room.
21940,73,4,9,Marshall: You just want to do to change the subject.
21941,73,4,9,"Lily: Hey, it's 49! It worked?"
21942,73,4,9,Marshall: As if I had just flossing.
21943,73,4,9,Lily: I love you.
21944,73,4,9,Marshall: It's been 50.
21945,73,4,9,End flashback
21946,73,4,9,Ted: Pretty! What made you ask?
21947,73,4,9,"Lily: It's ""I have breasts."""
21948,73,4,9,Marshall: right on target.
21949,73,4,9,Mitch and Robin arrive.
21950,73,4,9,"Ted: My God! Guys, guys! That's him! This is ""The guy naked""!"
21951,73,4,9,"Robin: Ted, his name is Mitch. And... this is my boyfriend. So..."
21952,73,4,9,"Marshall: Okay, I'll treat you more ***** s."
21953,73,4,9,Robin: Okay you can go. It's over.
21954,73,4,9,Mitch: Thank you.
21955,73,4,9,"Ted: Wait, Mitch, I have to thank you. We all tried ""The guy naked,"" tonight."
21956,73,4,9,Marshall: We should see what is Barney.
21957,73,4,9,He calls Barney but the young woman who wins.
21958,73,4,9,Woman: Hello?
21959,73,4,9,"Marshall: Hi, Barney's there?"
21960,73,4,9,Woman: No.
21961,73,4,9,Flashback
21962,73,4,9,"When the woman discovers Barney naked, she starts shouting."
21963,73,4,9,Woman: My God. What is your problem? Vire!
21964,73,4,9,Barney: I take my costume. It is expensive. Just tie...
21965,73,4,9,"Woman: Get out, now! Releases, you ugly whack!"
21966,73,4,9,Barney: Call me.
21967,73,4,9,End flashback
21968,73,4,9,"Woman: And if I see him, I called the cops."
21969,73,4,9,She throws the phone in the toilet.
21970,73,4,9,Mitch: Two out of three.
21971,73,4,9,"Ted: I want you to know tonight, as crazy as it was, took me out of my shell."
21972,73,4,9,"Mitch: That's the beauty of the ""naked guy."" It gives you just what you need. Nothing more, nothing less. If you'll excuse me, I have to replace the shoulder of one of my quaterbacks imaginary football. He dislocated his shoulder!"
21973,73,4,9,"Ted: A toast... Mitch. The sum of its parts makes him a man.But when it serves its parts, it becomes much more. It does not fit the definition of a hero, but he is the one I needed. The hero who helped me get over the disaster of the failure of my marriage and I was almost back in the saddle. He lives in the shadows. Is this a dream? The truth? A fiction? Damnation?Salvation? It is all that and also, no nothing. Because it is...""The guy with hair."""
21974,73,4,9,Barney is naked in the street.
21975,73,4,9,Woman: My God!
21976,73,4,9,He arrives at a costume store for sale.
21977,73,4,9,Barney: thank you God.
21978,73,4,9,"He goes his way, naked."
21979,74,4,10,"Ted (2030): Why do they fight? What is it hidden in us that drives us to settle disagreements with our fists? (In Lily's class, two boys fight) Whatever it is, this is from the beginning."
21980,74,4,10,Lily: Stop fighting!
21981,74,4,10,Boy 1: Why?
21982,74,4,10,Lily: It's stupid and childish.
21983,74,4,10,Boy 2: It has been six years. It is stupid and childish.
21984,74,4,10,"Ted (2030): Children, I fought just once in my life. And that's how it happened. You know I have recently been abandoned at the altar. And the worst when it comes to us, apart from being abandoned at the altar, is what happens after. A steady stream, persistent and unbearable pity."
21985,74,4,10,"At McClaren's, Wendy brings drinks to Marshall, Lily, Barney, Ted and Robin."
21986,74,4,10,"Wendy: Cranberry Vodka, gin and tonic. Scotch and soda."
21987,74,4,10,Ted: Thank you. Can I see the menu?
21988,74,4,10,"Wendy: Ted, I'll get you a menu... but I promise I will return."
21989,74,4,10,"Ted: We'll have to go elsewhere. In this bar, I will always be the guy left at the altar. It sucks!"
21990,74,4,10,Barney: Good times.
21991,74,4,10,Ted: We lost Barney.
21992,74,4,10,Robin: What?
21993,74,4,10,"Lily: There's a girl there in a sweater wrap. He does not listen to a word they say. Hein, Barney?"
21994,74,4,10,Barney: Leave me alone!
21995,74,4,10,"Ted: He understood, there is little time, he could hold a conversation with just the titles of sitcoms ""black"" of the 70s and 80s."
21996,74,4,10,Barney: What's going on?
21997,74,4,10,"Lily: Barney, you wanna go and get my stuff does not Marshall?"
21998,74,4,10,Barney: Diff'rent Strokes.
21999,74,4,10,Man: What is this?
22000,74,4,10,"Ted (2030): I spoke to Doug, children? Not? Well..."
22001,74,4,10,Flashback
22002,74,4,10,In McClaren's...
22003,74,4,10,Ted (2030): Doug Martin was in McClaren's bartender. He was always in the corner.
22004,74,4,10,Barney: You... Been to Ted?
22005,74,4,10,"Ted: It is not play ""You know Ted."""
22006,74,4,10,Barney (a pencil in his nose): I'm dead? (Doug misses and laughs) I'm dead? (It is disguised as a woman) Tonight... I am a lesbian.
22007,74,4,10,Ted (2030): There are three things to know about Doug. The first is that Doug is a bit violent.
22008,74,4,10,"Doug:... collapsed, so he's down. And it hits him! He made this face, trembling. What we did is that we left it there. I ressers?"
22009,74,4,10,Ted (2030): The second is that he was weird about her hair...
22010,74,4,10,Doug: What?
22011,74,4,10,Ted: What?
22012,74,4,10,Doug: You look at my hair?
22013,74,4,10,"Ted: No, sir. Not at all."
22014,74,4,10,Doug: That's a dummy. It's funny? Want to laugh? It's funny?Why you do not tear out?
22015,74,4,10,Ted: What?
22016,74,4,10,"Doug: Go ahead, tear it out of my head. Go ahead. Want to pull? Go. Go, go and pluck it out. You want to tear my head?Pluck my hairpiece my head. I love you, guys!"
22017,74,4,10,Ted (2030): But the third is that he was very faithful with its regulars.
22018,74,4,10,"Ted, Lily Marshall, Barney and Robin arrive at the bar."
22019,74,4,10,Doug: There they are! You want your table?
22020,74,4,10,All: We will be well by then.
22021,74,4,10,Doug: Yes? Yes?
22022,74,4,10,Ted (2030): Maybe a little too faithful.
22023,74,4,10,"Doug: No, that's right, all right. (He goes to the usual table where Ted and his friends are) Lovebirds! Put it elsewhere, this table is reserved. Here we go! Now! Go! We move, my Father. Here we go. OK, guys, here!"
22024,74,4,10,End flashback
22025,74,4,10,Ted (2030): So that's Doug.
22026,74,4,10,Doug: What is this?
22027,74,4,10,"Ted: Some guys are sitting at our table. But you know, it's good."
22028,74,4,10,"Doug: Let's go, I take care of that."
22029,74,4,10,"Lily: Damn, there goes."
22030,74,4,10,"Doug: Ladies, if you will join your table. Gentlemen, I need your help out."
22031,74,4,10,Ted: Our help?
22032,74,4,10,Doug: We're going down the aisle and fight with these guys.
22033,74,4,10,Barney: What's going on?
22034,74,4,10,GENERIC
22035,74,4,10,"Ted: Sorry, you just said..."
22036,74,4,10,"Doug: These guys are off-handedness. So we go outside and they fit in, OK? It's gonna be fun!"
22037,74,4,10,Doug part.
22038,74,4,10,Ted: He wants to be fought? As with our hands and stuff?
22039,74,4,10,Marshall: And your feet maybe? I do not know the rules.
22040,74,4,10,Ted: A fight. We gotta go?
22041,74,4,10,"Barney: No, I would fight for three things, the closing of a stubborn bra, accusations of sexual harassment... 9 of 9! And wanted to vomit when I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit."
22042,74,4,10,"Marshall: The fighting is for dummies. We are civilized people, civilized people not fight. Except with a lightsaber, but that's in for 3 or 5 years..."
22043,74,4,10,Robin: That's not true.
22044,74,4,10,"Marshall: I'm on the forums every day. In 3-5 Thanksgiving, I découperai turkey with my saber green."
22045,74,4,10,"Robin: No, I say there are plenty of legitimate reasons to fight, it is perhaps not beautiful, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do."
22046,74,4,10,"Ted: Yes, I forgot. She is sexy fights."
22047,74,4,10,"Robin: No, it's true! I love it! I have a culture of hockey. If a guy is a fighter, it is rather sexy. And scars, seriously! If a guy has one, it has a Robin. And if he lost a tooth, I lose my panties."
22048,74,4,10,"Barney: I lost my wisdom tooth. Without surgery. Local anesthesia. Frankly, it's nothing."
22049,74,4,10,Ted: We should go.
22050,74,4,10,"Lily: I can not believe that we have this discussion. Ted, you're 30, you're too old to act like that."
22051,74,4,10,"Ted (2030): I was 30. And of those 30 years, I was struck once."
22052,74,4,10,Flashback
22053,74,4,10,Ted is in a bar.
22054,74,4,10,Ted: There is an explanation very simp...
22055,74,4,10,A man gives him a punch.
22056,74,4,10,End flashback
22057,74,4,10,Ted (2030): There was this thing in colo.
22058,74,4,10,Flashback
22059,74,4,10,Ted is in the forest with children.
22060,74,4,10,Ted: Today we are going to braid friendship bracelets.
22061,74,4,10,A pat on the boy's private parts and they run off.
22062,74,4,10,"Ted (2030): In college, I studied Kung-Fu. And some other stuff. For the goat, it would be a few months after."
22063,74,4,10,End flashback
22064,74,4,10,Ted (2030): The idea is that I had never beaten.
22065,74,4,10,Ted: I'm going.
22066,74,4,10,Lily: No!
22067,74,4,10,"Marshall: Listen to me, trust me, I fought hard. There is no pride to be learned."
22068,74,4,10,Ted: With which you fought?
22069,74,4,10,Marshall: My brothers.
22070,74,4,10,"Barney: Yeah, it was surely the ruckus in the playroom of Eriksen."
22071,74,4,10,Flashback
22072,74,4,10,Marshall horseplay with his two brothers.
22073,74,4,10,A brother: I love the squabbles between brothers!
22074,74,4,10,Marshall: That's the monster of guilis!
22075,74,4,10,Brother 2: Patrol Commies!
22076,74,4,10,Marshall: Wait! Go! Go! Cocoa break.
22077,74,4,10,End flashback
22078,74,4,10,"Ted: Break cocoa. OK, it's time to fight."
22079,74,4,10,"Lily: Ted, do not do that, you're a good guy. This is your greatest quality."
22080,74,4,10,"Ted: Oh yeah? I seem to remember that this guy was well dumped by his girlfriend for a Taekwondo teacher. It might sound crazy, but... I need that. I think it's an experience I do. I go there."
22081,74,4,10,Ted part.
22082,74,4,10,"Barney: Me too! (Followed by Barney) Guys... watch what face. The next time you see it, it will be distorted as the sexiest possible. Because that's what I am: a real man. I like to fight and do battle in the dirt. You find me a wooden hanger for that?"
22083,74,4,10,Ted and Barney arrive in the driveway but Doug already has to KO the other guy.
22084,74,4,10,Barney: It's been what?
22085,74,4,10,"Doug: I know, huh! Who do now eyeing more my hairpiece?Look what they did!"
22086,74,4,10,"Ted: ""We""?"
22087,74,4,10,"Doug: Yes, ""on"". Come on, we made a great team. Well done guys! We did it!"
22088,74,4,10,"Ted: No, you did. There was nothing we."
22089,74,4,10,"Doug: OK, yes, it is clear, I have beaten three types alone. You and you, free drinks for life."
22090,74,4,10,Doug enters the bar.
22091,74,4,10,Ted: He thinks he fought with him.
22092,74,4,10,Barney: We fought with him. So we will go and tell everyone the legendary story of how we beat types. And everyone will find it great and everyone goes back to bed with me.
22093,74,4,10,"Ted: Come on man, no one will believe we fought, we look at."
22094,74,4,10,"Barney: Oh, it's good..."
22095,74,4,10,Barney gives a blow to itself.
22096,74,4,10,Ted: What are you doing?
22097,74,4,10,Barney: What I should have done there is a lease.
22098,74,4,10,Ted: What?
22099,74,4,10,"Barney: I dunno, I typed the eye! I even know what I say! I have a great right, either. You ready?"
22100,74,4,10,Ted: To go home?
22101,74,4,10,"Barney: No, for that."
22102,74,4,10,Barney gives a blow to Ted.
22103,74,4,10,Ted: You hit me in the nose!
22104,74,4,10,Barney: Are you crying?
22105,74,4,10,"Ted: Yes, I cry! You hit me in the nose!"
22106,74,4,10,"Barney: It's going to swell to death. You're going to look like Owen Wilson. Come on, we go."
22107,74,4,10,"Ted: Ok, but we do not add too. I do not want it to catch proportions."
22108,74,4,10,"Barney enters the bar, followed by Ted. Doug says the fight to include Ted and Barney."
22109,74,4,10,"Doug: Can Ted arrives, takes off her shoe hit him in the mouth... A, they are! The guys who supported me!"
22110,74,4,10,Everyone applauds.
22111,74,4,10,"Always at the bar, but at their usual table..."
22112,74,4,10,Marshall: So you fought. Seriously.
22113,74,4,10,"Ted: No, Barney hit us head to pretend. Without in December ', Marshall!"
22114,74,4,10,Robin: Just look at that eye. You look like a bad boy. I did not know you had it in me. You. That you had it in you.
22115,74,4,10,Barney: You... want to touch?
22116,74,4,10,It affects the eye of Barney.
22117,74,4,10,"Robin: My God, it's hot!"
22118,74,4,10,Doug: The pot of victory! Blackjack! Blackjack! Blackjack!Blackjack! $ 7 50.
22119,74,4,10,Marshall: Why should I pay?
22120,74,4,10,Doug: Because thou hast not supported. They supported me.
22121,74,4,10,"Marshall: You know what, Doug? I will gladly pay. And why?As adults do. They pay their glasses, and they fight it. You know what I did when you were kids? That's what I did."
22122,74,4,10,Barney: Your nails?
22123,74,4,10,Marshall: I was...
22124,74,4,10,Ted: The quiz of love in the last Gala?
22125,74,4,10,Marshall: No. I was...
22126,74,4,10,Barney: your best to not cry when Big came to Carrie at the end of the film s*x and the City?
22127,74,4,10,Marshall: You spoiles? No. I'll tell you what I did...
22128,74,4,10,Robin: Tips to captain the football team because he gave you his ring and you were so cute in your evening gown?
22129,74,4,10,Lily: I'm sorry.
22130,74,4,10,Lily and Marshall are in their beds.
22131,74,4,10,"Marshall: I hate them! They behave like guys the most virile of the universe, as Crocodile Dundee and David Hasselhoff."
22132,74,4,10,Lily: It's the guys the most virile of the universe?
22133,74,4,10,"Marshall: I know why they are given all the attention. In fact, it's me, the real hero."
22134,74,4,10,"Lily: Yeah, it's you."
22135,74,4,10,"Marshall: I'm serious, woman. Put it in your pants."
22136,74,4,10,"Lily: You're the man every boy should be and every girl should marry. You know what? I have two boys under way that will not stop fighting. If you come to school tomorrow to tell them your story of choice of the path of nonviolence, it could put them right. And avoid me getting up early to prepare lessons."
22137,74,4,10,Marshall: Okay. OK. I recadrerai.
22138,74,4,10,
22139,74,4,10,Lily's class...
22140,74,4,10,Boy 1: wimp!
22141,74,4,10,Marshall: What? No! The panda and the koala Mahatma Luther King tell you that story to show...
22142,74,4,10,Boy 2: Show that you're a wimp?
22143,74,4,10,Boy 1: Why hast not beaten? You were afraid?
22144,74,4,10,"Marshall: What? I was not afraid! I did a lot of fights, OK?"
22145,74,4,10,Boy 2: You're great! You have to weigh almost 500 pounds.
22146,74,4,10,"Marshall: First, I wear a sweater off, which has horizontal stripes. And I also... I ate salty... So I... You know what? Shut up!"
22147,74,4,10,Boy 2: wimp! Wimp!
22148,74,4,10,The two boys fight while others cry.
22149,74,4,10,Barney and Ted are in the bar and talk with two women.
22150,74,4,10,Woman 1: So you've just beaten?
22151,74,4,10,Barney: Just?
22152,74,4,10,"Ted: Amanda, was it that simple? You know, the fight in melee, it is more than using force against his opponent, huh B?"
22153,74,4,10,Barney: Exactly!
22154,74,4,10,"Ted: It is an art. The noble art, as it were."
22155,74,4,10,"Woman 2: But I do not understand, what they did to deserve this?"
22156,74,4,10,"Barney: It may seem insignificant, but they got to our table."
22157,74,4,10,Ted: At our table.
22158,74,4,10,Barney: And...
22159,74,4,10,Ted: No one.
22160,74,4,10,Barney:... no one sits at our table.
22161,74,4,10,2 men are sitting at the table.
22162,74,4,10,Amanda: You will beat them up?
22163,74,4,10,Robin arrives at that time.
22164,74,4,10,"Barney: Let's beat them up. Ted, come on. You two. Our table.Go. Now!"
22165,74,4,10,Ted: What are you doing?
22166,74,4,10,"Barney: Relax, it was Doug. Doug supports us."
22167,74,4,10,Ted: He's not here tonight.
22168,74,4,10,Barney: I offer you what? A drink? Money? These two girls over there?
22169,74,4,10,"Man 1: It's you, Ted Mosby."
22170,74,4,10,Ted: Yes.
22171,74,4,10,Male 2: And you're Barney Stinson?
22172,74,4,10,"Barney: They know who you are. All right, guys. It lets you go without kick your ass. This time. Okay?"
22173,74,4,10,Both men are given two envelopes.
22174,74,4,10,Ted: That's... What is it?
22175,74,4,10,Man 2: You are summoned.
22176,74,4,10,Man 1: You are charged with assault. Enjoy it.
22177,74,4,10,The two men leave the bar.
22178,74,4,10,Barney: That was close.
22179,74,4,10,"Barney, Ted and Marshall are at the apartment and watch the invitations."
22180,74,4,10,Ted: Assault! They continue to attack us!
22181,74,4,10,Barney: What is the penalty for assault? I'll have a fine?Picking up garbage on the highway? Because I already did that.
22182,74,4,10,Marshall: I know.
22183,74,4,10,"Ted (2030): In fact, he knew they risked a small community service, surely no criminal charges. But he was furious against us."
22184,74,4,10,Marshall: You could have a good time in prison.
22185,74,4,10,Barney: The Prison?
22186,74,4,10,"Ted: I can not go to jail! I could read a bunch of books, writing short stories. Drag me all the time. Seriously, if I get lost really hefty..."
22187,74,4,10,Barney: You can not go to jail! They are dying in the hallways!And meals are really heavy.
22188,74,4,10,Marshall: You should have thought before beating them.
22189,74,4,10,Ted: And if we have not done?
22190,74,4,10,Marshall: No what?
22191,74,4,10,Ted: beaten. And if Doug had beaten them all alone and we had done nothing?
22192,74,4,10,Marshall: I knew it! You have not even given a single shot.
22193,74,4,10,"Barney: I hit Ted and me, so..."
22194,74,4,10,Marshall: Who's the wimp now? Answer: you.
22195,74,4,10,Ted: You can spin us a hand?
22196,74,4,10,"Marshall: You know the old saying: ""If you can not assume, do not pretend to have done, do not laugh and refuses glasses blackjack and not defend your friend, who, coincidentally, lived full of fights with his brothers. """
22197,74,4,10,"Barney: You gotta help us, Marshall. We're the Three Musketeers! If I let Ted I how long?"
22198,74,4,10,Robin entered the apartment.
22199,74,4,10,"Robin: Barney? I was looking for you. I have tickets for the hockey game tonight. It's stupid. Want to go? It can run late, we could go see a drink after."
22200,74,4,10,"Marshall: Listen to this. You know, this fight? The guys were pretending."
22201,74,4,10,And he left the apartment.
22202,74,4,10,"Robin: Oh, I forgot! Tonight, it is not possible. I can not go to hockey tonight, I have this... This... This..."
22203,74,4,10,She goes into the room.
22204,74,4,10,Back at the bar...
22205,74,4,10,"Marshall: Good news, I talked to the guys."
22206,74,4,10,Ted: What guy?
22207,74,4,10,Marshall: The ones you do not beaten. They will not go to trial.Lawyer.
22208,74,4,10,Barney: What? They dropped?
22209,74,4,10,"Marshall: Yes, I just told them you were wimps. It has made us laugh. Poilade good, actually. I said that you did manicure every month."
22210,74,4,10,"Barney: Weeks, Wolverine... Some are careful."
22211,74,4,10,Marshall: And you played the harp in the dance club of the pre-reform in college.
22212,74,4,10,Ted: You're at least they said we were one of the best medieval music group of the academy?
22213,74,4,10,Marshall: Sure. We were all agreed that it was a guy who had beaten and that you had nothing to do with it...
22214,74,4,10,"Ted: Wait, so... they attack Doug."
22215,74,4,10,Marshall: Affirmative.
22216,74,4,10,"Ted: The angry, irrational, violent Doug, who now knows, you pushed under a bus."
22217,74,4,10,Doug (on phone): They what?
22218,74,4,10,"Marshall, Barney, Lily and Robin are in the driveway with Doug."
22219,74,4,10,Barney: We can tell you...
22220,74,4,10,Doug: Explain what? How you have me stabbed in the back just under my eyes?
22221,74,4,10,"Lily: Robin, I'm afraid."
22222,74,4,10,"Robin: Yeah, Doug sees someone?"
22223,74,4,10,Lily: You visit? You really should.
22224,74,4,10,"Ted: Look, you do not understand, you beat these guys all by yourself."
22225,74,4,10,Marshall: It's true. They have nothing to do with it. Look at them.
22226,74,4,10,Barney: It's Ted's fault!
22227,74,4,10,Barney runs off.
22228,74,4,10,Marshall: Look at him.
22229,74,4,10,"Ted: Yes, look at me!"
22230,74,4,10,Marshall: It would not 5 minutes in combat.
22231,74,4,10,Ted: I could hold at least 5...
22232,74,4,10,Marshall: It is as limp as spaghetti.
22233,74,4,10,"Ted: Yes, spaghetti with meatballs... Mate it. Look!"
22234,74,4,10,Marshall: No.
22235,74,4,10,"Doug: OK, maybe it was... than me. In fact, it makes sense. I have many black holes. In short, I have always supported. I expected much from you. And you did what? Nothing. We can not count on you. No wonder your girlfriend has dumped you."
22236,74,4,10,"Ted (2030): And here, children, the only fight I've ever had.What can I say? For starters, a punch to the face, it hurts...very badly. And what hurts more? Ca (Doug gives him a punch too) All I remember is waking up."
22237,74,4,10,Barney comes running.
22238,74,4,10,"Barney: OK, I'm hot. Let's go."
22239,74,4,10,"Ted: A fight was not a good idea, actually. And that's my story."
22240,74,4,10,Ted tells his story to the class of Lily.
22241,74,4,10,Lily: And what did you learn?
22242,74,4,10,Ted: I learned that it is not right to fight and must never do.
22243,74,4,10,Lily: Questions?
22244,74,4,10,Boy 1: Where you find them?
22245,74,4,10,Boy 2: I know! Was a big sale at the market for wimps?
22246,74,4,10,Children: wimp! Wimp!
22247,74,4,10,And both boys are still fighting.
22248,74,4,10,Ted (2030): I have not told them what had really happened.
22249,74,4,10,Flashback
22250,74,4,10,Barney comes running.
22251,74,4,10,"Barney: OK, I'm hot. Let's go. What has happened?"
22252,74,4,10,Marshall: Ca
22253,74,4,10,Ted: Damn!
22254,74,4,10,"Marshall: Apparently, Uncle Marshall and his brothers did more than fight."
22255,74,4,10,Robin: Marshall looks like. He lost weight?
22256,74,4,10,"Lily: S *****, do not even think about."
22257,74,4,10,End flashback
22258,74,4,10,Ted and his friends at the bar.
22259,74,4,10,"Ted (2030): Children, I would tell you that fighting is malet need to do it, but it's useless. So I tell you this: do you ever fight with Uncle Marshall. It's a big tared."
22260,74,4,10,"Thanksgiving day, 3 to 4 years later... Marshall is with his family at the table."
22261,74,4,10,"Marshall: It's so good to be home. Mom, Lily, good job. ""Good meat, good food, good Lord, to the food. ""No? OK, let's go. Put your glasses. (Everyone dons glasses and takes out a sword Marshall Green) Okay, pass me the plate. Lily, white or red meat?"
22262,74,4,10,"Lily: Red! Honey, be careful."
22263,75,4,11,"Ted, Marshall and Lily are in McClaren's when Robin joins them."
22264,75,4,11,Robin: Hi!
22265,75,4,11,Marshall: Hi.
22266,75,4,11,Ted: It is freezing outside. Where is your jacket?
22267,75,4,11,Robin: I'm Canadian. No need to coat. This kind of weather does not scare me.
22268,75,4,11,"Marshall: It looks like a spring day in Minnesota, there was no q'il all the taxis, the skyscrapers and the blacks."
22269,75,4,11,Ted: There are no black people?
22270,75,4,11,Marshall: Not if Prince is on tour.
22271,75,4,11,GENERIC
22272,75,4,11,"Ted: my sister's plane arrived an hour ago, or would like a meteorologist, hurricane between Heather on Lands."
22273,75,4,11,Lily: Go. It's not like that.
22274,75,4,11,"Ted: That's the history of Heather. It has been six years and three high schools for his baccalaureate. She took the opportunity to ruin two cars, being married for five days, and spent nine weeks in a tree only to find that no one intended to kill him. And there, Heather said she moved to New York."
22275,75,4,11,Lily: Great news.
22276,75,4,11,Ted: It will not come out. Remember when she talked of going to college here? And then the day of admission...
22277,75,4,11,Flashback
22278,75,4,11,"Ted is in the apartment, the phone."
22279,75,4,11,Ted: Where are my TV and my couch?
22280,75,4,11,Woman: I have sold tickets for the concert of Nine Inch Nails.
22281,75,4,11,Ted: Nothing but the TV is 2000 balls.
22282,75,4,11,Woman: A last minute flight is expensive.
22283,75,4,11,Ted: Wait. Where are you?
22284,75,4,11,Woman: Somewhere in Spain. I go there. Quiet song.
22285,75,4,11,End flashback
22286,75,4,11,Ted: Damn. This is Barney.
22287,75,4,11,Robin: And?
22288,75,4,11,"Lily: Since that time Heather happening in New York, Ted has never left the Barney show."
22289,75,4,11,"Ted: I never will. Every year, when the greeting card of Mosby happens..."
22290,75,4,11,Flashback
22291,75,4,11,Christmas 2005...
22292,75,4,11,"Barney (singing): Drop your trousers. Mine hard. Under the bunch of mistletoe, I'll make your sister moan. Oh! Dear Heather, Heather dear, we'll do it in all directions..."
22293,75,4,11,Christmas 2006...
22294,75,4,11,Barney: If I could see her naked. If I could see her naked. If I could see her naked. And fours.
22295,75,4,11,Christmas 2007...
22296,75,4,11,"Barney: Ted has a little sister who is so playful every day. And if I meet with her breasts, I will play! Little sister, Little Sister!What? I can also celebrate Hanukkah."
22297,75,4,11,End flashback
22298,75,4,11,"Ted: It's still him. I should answer. Hello, Barney."
22299,75,4,11,Barney: Hi. What are you doing tonight?
22300,75,4,11,"Ted: We go to Marshall and Lily get a full Kathy Bates, Misery exception. Want to go? He hung up."
22301,75,4,11,Ted's sister arrives and takes him in her arms.
22302,75,4,11,Heather: It's nice to see you.
22303,75,4,11,Ted: Hi kid. It looks to go. How are things at home?
22304,75,4,11,Heather: I took your room. Did you know you see the room of Miss Gottwald opposite?
22305,75,4,11,Ted: I know. She looks good?
22306,75,4,11,"Heather: Ted, it was 62 years."
22307,75,4,11,Ted: Answer.
22308,75,4,11,"Heather: Incredibly gay. (They return to the apartment) Dude, quail out there."
22309,75,4,11,"Barney: Why, hello. I was expecting you."
22310,75,4,11,Ted: One second. It is not our chair. You've made yourself?
22311,75,4,11,Barney: I needed one that rotates.
22312,75,4,11,Barney gets up and makes a hand-kissing Heather.
22313,75,4,11,Ted: How did you know that Heather was coming?
22314,75,4,11,Lily: Do not tell me anything! You know I can not keep secrets if it's almost Christmas! Robin offers you an iPod!
22315,75,4,11,Barney: Can I talk to one second in the kitchen? Not touch the chair. I praise him. I can not believe that thou hast hid thy sister all these years.
22316,75,4,11,"Ted: Really? You're like ""Weird Al"" Yankovic to write that song on how to jump my sister."
22317,75,4,11,"Barney: First, I'm flattered. Then it's just jokes. A friend can joke on a friend's sister. Does not mean I'm going to act."
22318,75,4,11,"Ted: I love my sister, and as a big brother, it's my job to protect guys like you."
22319,75,4,11,Barney: You do not trust me?
22320,75,4,11,Ted: No. And it either.
22321,75,4,11,Barney: Okay. All right. I'll just... take my chair and leave.
22322,75,4,11,Ted: Wait... Rest... Back... Lily and I were dining out with Heather Sunday. Want to go?
22323,75,4,11,Barney: I have already called to add a person.
22324,75,4,11,Ted: You really can not tell Lily.
22325,75,4,11,"Barney: No, nothing really..."
22326,75,4,11,"Ted (2030): That year, Canada was really lacking in Aunt Robin, Marshall then brought him to where he was when he was nostalgic Minnesota: The bar of the Perche."
22327,75,4,11,Marshall and Robin arrive at the bar...
22328,75,4,11,Marshall: Hi everyone.
22329,75,4,11,All: Marshall!
22330,75,4,11,Marshall: This is Robin.
22331,75,4,11,All: Robin!
22332,75,4,11,Marshall: Turn drink.
22333,75,4,11,All: Drink!
22334,75,4,11,"Man: How are you, Marshall?"
22335,75,4,11,"Marshall: And you? Hey, man! You got anything in the leg?"
22336,75,4,11,Man: I played hockey today. I hurt my knee.
22337,75,4,11,Robin: You went to the hospital?
22338,75,4,11,Man: I poured beer on it. I miss the game of the Vikings.Minnesota!
22339,75,4,11,Robin: I love the guys here. This is real guys. Without shampoo or manicure. The guys from New York are 10% chick.
22340,75,4,11,Marshall: Go. You're wrong.
22341,75,4,11,"Lily, Barney and Ted are the sister restaurant."
22342,75,4,11,Barney: I'll take the vichyssoise with a hint of cream. Dairy ballonnent me.
22343,75,4,11,Heather: So... I found an apartment today.
22344,75,4,11,Ted: Really?
22345,75,4,11,"Heather: Yes. And I hoped you would have drunk a little more wine hand side before you to ask you this, but... I need you to lease the instructions."
22346,75,4,11,Ted: Let me think.
22347,75,4,11,"Barney: It, it means he will not."
22348,75,4,11,Heather: I really need your help.
22349,75,4,11,"Ted: We'll talk later, OK?"
22350,75,4,11,Barney: You do not have any illusions.
22351,75,4,11,Heather: What's the matter? You do not trust me?
22352,75,4,11,Ted: You're my sister.
22353,75,4,11,Barney: There he just says the obvious.
22354,75,4,11,"Heather: Listen, Ted, I want to get into finance, but... you see me like I was four and I wanted to become an astronaut."
22355,75,4,11,Ted: I just think you have no idea of the difficulty of succeeding in New York.
22356,75,4,11,"Barney: Exactly. Do you need relationships. If only Ted knew someone who works at, say... Goliath National Bank, then...expect. What? I work for Goliath National Bank. Incredible!"
22357,75,4,11,Back at the bar of Marshall...
22358,75,4,11,Man: Okay. It's been two beers and Bemidji... who ordered the mini burgers?
22359,75,4,11,Robin: My God! This is Fisherman's Quest? I played all the time FQ at the time!
22360,75,4,11,"Marshall: Oh, yeah? I have the best score. Without boasting, I caught... a pike of almost 1 m. The biggest fish virtual nobody has ever taken. Finally... freshwater."
22361,75,4,11,Robin: I'll take my hat fisherman. Thank you for bringing me here. This is mine.
22362,75,4,11,"At the restaurant, Ted is still sitting when Lily puts her coat and Heather Barney helps to do the same."
22363,75,4,11,Ted: It's not a good idea. Heather and Barney alone in his office? And I do not want to be guarantor for the lease.
22364,75,4,11,"Lily: It ripens, just as you see it yet."
22365,75,4,11,"Ted: It is about a girl who got caught for stealing, eight months ago."
22366,75,4,11,"Lily: Ted, many women have a period kleptomaniac. And yes, maybe sometimes they happen to mow a small object because it excites them in a strange way they are not explained. But... If it reassures you, I will accompany them to GNB, tomorrow. I will say that I'm going to lunch with Marshall, but in fact I espionnerai."
22367,75,4,11,Ted: It suits me. Good luck tomorrow at the GNB. I'm sure you will impress them.
22368,75,4,11,Lily: And I espionnerai. And sh1t!
22369,75,4,11,Lily and Marshall are still at the bar.
22370,75,4,11,"Robin: ""I drink to forget the 1999 NFC Championship""?"
22371,75,4,11,"Marshall: The match. The Vikings were 2 minutes to go to the Super Bowl, when our striker, who had not missed a year's messed up a penalty and we lost in overtime. Damn!"
22372,75,4,11,Male: 1999 NFC Championship Game?
22373,75,4,11,Marshall: Yes.
22374,75,4,11,Man: Damn!
22375,75,4,11,"Marshall: My father, I had never seen him cry in my life, wiped away a tear. He said... ""A small part of me just died, son. """
22376,75,4,11,Robin: I love the passion you have for your Vikings. It's like looking for hockey in Canada... What?
22377,75,4,11,Marshall: Do not let... anyone here know that you're not from Minnesota.
22378,75,4,11,Robin: Why? They will do anything q'ils learn that I am...
22379,75,4,11,"Man 1: It looks like a bar in Dallas, man?"
22380,75,4,11,"Male 2: It's weird, but is a reassuring side to be worn like that."
22381,75,4,11,"Man 3: Dude, did you see this guy! So, Robin, are you coming from?"
22382,75,4,11,"Robin: Bemidji. Bemidji, Minnesota. Go Vikes!"
22383,75,4,11,Ted is in the street with her sister Lily.
22384,75,4,11,"Ted (2030): Children, for the rest, I'll skip a few days."
22385,75,4,11,"Heather: Very nice, this briefcase."
22386,75,4,11,"Ted: Very friendly, the security camera, too. And there is one another. And a security guard."
22387,75,4,11,"Heather: I intend to pay it, Ted."
22388,75,4,11,"Ted: Yes. You got the job yet. Must push the door, not pull.And that's it. Thank you for having watched yesterday. Maybe I was wrong. She seems to have been able to manage with Barney. It will perhaps manage New York."
22389,75,4,11,Lily: Not enough!
22390,75,4,11,Ted: Why?
22391,75,4,11,Lily: I have a secret. No! It has not happened. It happened something.
22392,75,4,11,Ted: It's been what?
22393,75,4,11,"Lily: Nothing. After the interview Heather, I went to see Marshall one time, when I came back..."
22394,75,4,11,Flashback
22395,75,4,11,Lily enters the office of Barney when he gets dressed and Heather.
22396,75,4,11,Lily: My God!
22397,75,4,11,"Barney: Before you say or do something, give me a favor."
22398,75,4,11,Lily: What?
22399,75,4,11,Barney: Move away. It's a Prada.
22400,75,4,11,Barney picks up his shirt.
22401,75,4,11,End flashback
22402,75,4,11,Lily: I'm really sorry.
22403,75,4,11,Ted: I knew it. I've always known. It remained the same trail irresponsible. And when I see Barney...
22404,75,4,11,"Lily: You will say nothing. Ted, Heather begged me not to tell you. She hate me if she knows that I sneaked."
22405,75,4,11,"Heather: I love this kit, but I can not afford. You were right, Ted."
22406,75,4,11,Ted: And how!
22407,75,4,11,Lily: You see? She has not bought the briefcase! It is responsible! And no chance that she slept with someone here.She turns the page.
22408,75,4,11,Marshall returns to the bar...
22409,75,4,11,Marshall: Hi everyone!
22410,75,4,11,Robin: So my father and I were in the NFC championship game by 99.
22411,75,4,11,"Marshall: I said, good evening everyone!"
22412,75,4,11,Robin: And when we missed the penalty and lost...
22413,75,4,11,All: Holy sh1t!
22414,75,4,11,"Robin: Holy sh1t! f*cking. My father that I had never seen him cry in my life, wiped away a tear and said, ""A small part of me just died, son. """
22415,75,4,11,"Man: ""Son""?"
22416,75,4,11,"Robin: That's what I tell my son. If I am fortunate to have a son, I will call Rashad Tarkenton."
22417,75,4,11,Man: Nice story.
22418,75,4,11,Marshall: Beautiful story! But it seems a bit familiar.
22419,75,4,11,Robin: I know! They all bought into.
22420,75,4,11,Marshall: I see what you do.
22421,75,4,11,Robin: What?
22422,75,4,11,"Marshall: I've brought here because... I was sorry for you. And there, it looks like you're trying to steal my bar."
22423,75,4,11,Robin: You think I'm trying to steal your bar? Host.
22424,75,4,11,"Man: ""Host""? Are you Canadian?"
22425,75,4,11,"Robin: No, I..."
22426,75,4,11,"Man: If you want to imitate a Canadian, just turn off the light and act as if you were afraid!"
22427,75,4,11,Robin: What was that?
22428,75,4,11,"Marshall: With the nearby Canada, Minnesota, we like to make jokes on your back and they are often on the same theme."
22429,75,4,11,Robin: As fear of the dark?
22430,75,4,11,"Marshall: Yes. For example, everyone, how many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb? ""What? No, the bulb is dead? I'm afraid! """
22431,75,4,11,Robin: This is stupid. Why do you think Canadians are afraid of the dark?
22432,75,4,11,"Marshall: Where do prejudices? A stereotype appears, and suddenly, it spreads like fire. Asians misbehave, the Scots are stingy, the Brazilians are too many stamps. I doubt it works.You can not hang out with people who belittle your beloved country. I take you back."
22433,75,4,11,"Robin: No, wait. I have something to say. Everyone. Let me tell you something about Canadians."
22434,75,4,11,"Marshall: Please, no scene."
22435,75,4,11,"Robin: Why Canadians are not of birthday wishes? Because they are too afraid to put out the candles. My God, I love this place!"
22436,75,4,11,
22437,75,4,11,Ted and his sister are in McClaren's with Lily and Barney.
22438,75,4,11,Barney: I think your prospects are good for GNB. U you have shown me that you can take any position.
22439,75,4,11,Lily: This is the new coasters?
22440,75,4,11,Barney: I hope you get the job. Nothing makes me happier than to fill an opening.
22441,75,4,11,"Lily: I swear, these coasters are thicker."
22442,75,4,11,Heather: I'm ready to bend over backwards.
22443,75,4,11,"Ted: OK, enough! I can not believe you hast slept with my sister!"
22444,75,4,11,Barney: You've sneaked?
22445,75,4,11,Lily: You know what? It's a new batch of old coasters. I will confirm with the bartender.
22446,75,4,11,"Ted (holding Lily): And you, you're mature and responsible?It's responsible adult to go to your first interview in New York and banging a stranger? You've always been immature and irresponsible. You'll always be immature and irresponsible.And I cosignerai not a subscription with you, let alone a lease."
22447,75,4,11,"Heather: Barney and I, we did nothing."
22448,75,4,11,Ted: Come on. Lily saw you.
22449,75,4,11,Barney: Oh yeah?
22450,75,4,11,Flashback
22451,75,4,11,Heather and Barney's Barney's office and get naked.
22452,75,4,11,"Barney: You see, Ted, you have so little faith in me and Heather..."
22453,75,4,11,Heather:... That we decided to show you what you expect from us.
22454,75,4,11,Barney: And as we can count on Lily to sneak.
22455,75,4,11,Lily enters the office.
22456,75,4,11,Lily: My God!
22457,75,4,11,End flashback
22458,75,4,11,Ted: What? Why do this?
22459,75,4,11,Heather: Because you deserve it.
22460,75,4,11,"Barney: Ted, you know, I'm not a saint. And yes, it is true that the times I drove your mother at the airport, say that there has been a... sexually confused and confusing time in the parking lot, but I said I draguerai not your sister, and I thought. You should have me believe."
22461,75,4,11,"Heather: You're so convinced that I am still a teenager out of control, you forgot that I grew up. I'll find a hotel. I will take my business later. Merry Christmas."
22462,75,4,11,"Barney: Your mother and I, we kissed."
22463,75,4,11,Robin plays at Fisherman's Quest.
22464,75,4,11,Man 1: Continuous. You got five seconds to catch sturgeon still 2.
22465,75,4,11,Man 2: We will perhaps see the screen of the gills.
22466,75,4,11,Marshall: You can catch two fish with a hook.
22467,75,4,11,"Robin: No, but I can catch a fish and use this one to catch the other."
22468,75,4,11,Man 1: High Scores! You got beat Marshall!
22469,75,4,11,Marshall: It is Canadian! Robin is Canadian! She is Canadian.It comes not from Bemidji and she knows bugger all about the Vikings.
22470,75,4,11,Man 1: You're angry because she beat you.
22471,75,4,11,"Marshall: During the 1999 NFC Championship, when the Vikings lost..."
22472,75,4,11,All: Holy sh1t!
22473,75,4,11,Marshall:... who was the scorer who missed the penalty?
22474,75,4,11,Robin: Rashad Tarkenton.
22475,75,4,11,Marshall: Gary Anderson. He is retired. It was a case of fly fishing... in Canada.
22476,75,4,11,Man 1: Goodbye.
22477,75,4,11,"Robin: You know what? I'm glad you know it because I am proud to be Canadian. It was not a good NFL team or Prince, but we invented Trivial Pursuit. Anything, the Earth! In addition, in Canada, you can go to a strip club full of alcohol and order. And yeah. Moosejaw in the Bay of Fundy, you can whistle your pint of Pilsner while watching a minor girl to get naked. Jealous? In Canada, people do not care where you come from, as you are whisked away nice and possibly a cigarette, or when a donut. I am proud to come from the ""Great White North""... and I want to be right now. And was not afraid of the dark. Finally, we do not really like, but like everyone else."
22478,75,4,11,Robin leaves the bar.
22479,75,4,11,"At the apartment, Heather opens her bag and pulls out a briefcase."
22480,75,4,11,Ted: Merry Christmas. Look into it. If you push around the...Not down the middle.
22481,75,4,11,Heather: I do not need you.
22482,75,4,11,Ted: Got it.
22483,75,4,11,Heather: You've signed the lease.
22484,75,4,11,Ted: You know why?
22485,75,4,11,Heather: Because you trust me and that's a good idea?
22486,75,4,11,Ted: I want to know you. The new you.
22487,75,4,11,Heather: Thank you.
22488,75,4,11,"Ted: By the way, in your new neighborhood, you should put a good lock on your door. If you want... live."
22489,75,4,11,Robin is out to eat ice cream. Marshall joins.
22490,75,4,11,Marshall: Sorry about what happened inside. I was stupid. I should say anything.
22491,75,4,11,"Robin: I'm sorry. That was your cue. I should not have my own.But every year during the holidays, I am homesick. And so far, every year, I had a reason to stay: a boyfriend, a job or something. But... This year, for the first time, I have nothing."
22492,75,4,11,Marshall: But if.
22493,75,4,11,Robin: What?
22494,75,4,11,"Marshall: We love you all. If you ever leave again in Canada, we jump on a plane, you are pursuing, and after that Barney has dragged some of the club with which you have spoken, we will bring you here where you are supposed to be. This is not New York without Robin Scherbatsky."
22495,75,4,11,Robin: Thank you.
22496,75,4,11,Marshall: Yeah.
22497,75,4,11,Robin: I miss sometimes. I wish I could close my eyes and find myself one hour in Canada.
22498,75,4,11,Marshall: I was hoping that you say that.
22499,75,4,11,Marshall takes Robin to another bar.
22500,75,4,11,Robin: How did you find this place?
22501,75,4,11,"Marshall: Just like home, eh?"
22502,75,4,11,Robin: There's only one way to know.
22503,75,4,11,Robin shakes a man intentionally.
22504,75,4,11,Man: Sorry. I had not seen. Are you okay?
22505,75,4,11,Robin: It's OK.
22506,75,4,11,"Man: OK, I apologize. Take a donut, it's a gift."
22507,75,4,11,Robin: thank you.
22508,75,4,11,"Marshall: OK. You come home in him, he apologized and you file a donut free?"
22509,75,4,11,Robin: It's like home.
22510,75,4,11,The light goes out.
22511,75,4,11,Marshall: Sorry! All is well! Sorry.
22512,75,4,11,Robin: No one likes the dark.
22513,75,4,11,Man (speaking): The following comes from Ontario: Marshall Eriksen.
22514,75,4,11,Robin: You were a member? You sing what?
22515,75,4,11,"Marshall: I think you will recognize. I will throw your body anyway. I will throw your body into Canada Day! Dude, you can split the screen. We know the words."
22516,75,4,11,All: Everyone comes to play. Take all your worries. (Robin puts on a mask) Let's go to the mall. Today!
22517,76,4,12,"Ted (2030): Children in the winter of 2009, Robin and I became roommates. And to be honest it was not really the top."
22518,76,4,12,Robin eats on the couch when Ted leaves his room.
22519,76,4,12,Ted: It looks good. I'll do.
22520,76,4,12,Robin: There's no more milk.
22521,76,4,12,Ted: I saw in the fridge.
22522,76,4,12,Robin: empty.
22523,76,4,12,"Ted: So, throw it."
22524,76,4,12,Robin: The trash can is full.
22525,76,4,12,"Ted: So, take out the trash."
22526,76,4,12,Robin: I eat cereal.
22527,76,4,12,"Ted: You know, when I asked you to be my roommate, I said, ""A girl, she will be careful."" But no, you're an ogre Revenge of the Nerds."
22528,76,4,12,"Robin: You know what? Instead of coming with references typical last minute like that, you should spend some time, I dunno... washing a dish."
22529,76,4,12,"Ted: Damn, I can not. I'm busy leave a plate of cookies for the elf magic puts toilet paper. Wait, there's no elf. It's always me!"
22530,76,4,12,"Robin: I always changing. You, never!"
22531,76,4,12,Ted: This is ridiculous!
22532,76,4,12,"Robin: No, I went there yesterday... Stop it! Stop it! My God, what happens? When we were a couple, we lived together and we almost went insane."
22533,76,4,12,Ted: I know. It's been what?
22534,76,4,12,Robin: You know what this is? We made love. Men and women need s*x to live together. It resolves all disputes.
22535,76,4,12,Ted: As Barney's theory on world peace?
22536,76,4,12,Flashback
22537,76,4,12,Ted and Barney are at McClaren's.
22538,76,4,12,"Barney: I explained. I said, Madeline, every international conflict essentially boils down to sexual tension."
22539,76,4,12,Ted: All international conflicts?
22540,76,4,12,"Barney: All, man."
22541,76,4,12,"Ted: So, the crisis in the Middle East could be solved by..."
22542,76,4,12,Barney: Gaza Strippers. Next.
22543,76,4,12,Ted: Apartheid?
22544,76,4,12,"Barney: ""Apartouze"". You have what?"
22545,76,4,12,Ted: The Cold War?
22546,76,4,12,"Barney: ""Mrs. Gorbachev, removed her underwear."""
22547,76,4,12,End flashback
22548,76,4,12,"Ted: Well, I think we should love again."
22549,76,4,12,"Robin: Yes, of course."
22550,76,4,12,Ted and Robin are in bed.
22551,76,4,12,"Robin: I know. It's like riding a bike, man?"
22552,76,4,12,"Ted: Biking upside down. Well, listen. If it should happen on occasion, they say nothing to anyone. Sold."
22553,76,4,12,Robin: Sold.
22554,76,4,12,Marshall: Sold.
22555,76,4,12,GENERIC
22556,76,4,12,"Marshall: You do not care what, guys? You are back together?"
22557,76,4,12,Ted: No. It was just love to do more fighting.
22558,76,4,12,"Marshall: It's a great idea. No, really. Hat guys. I saw in the future and everything works perfectly for everyone."
22559,76,4,12,Robin: Why are you here anyway?
22560,76,4,12,Marshall: I was working and I had to take a leap here...reading this magazine. In... the room there.
22561,76,4,12,Ted: I understand. No problem.
22562,76,4,12,"Robin: If this is a problem. You've done all the way here to read a magazine? I am willing to bet that there is a place to read this magazine at work. You know, a room with a little man on the door?"
22563,76,4,12,"Marshall: Well, Robin. Nobody likes reading a magazine at work. You leave your office holding a magazine..."
22564,76,4,12,Flashback
22565,76,4,12,Marshall is at work with a magazine in hand.
22566,76,4,12,Marshall:... and the magazine says one thing and no one.
22567,76,4,12,"Magazine: Hey everybody, look at what Marshall will do!Marshall will read an old magazine in the bathroom that you all share with him."
22568,76,4,12,End flashback
22569,76,4,12,Robin: Have you thought about maybe not reading a magazine when you read a magazine?
22570,76,4,12,Marshall: You have to read a magazine. That's why there has magazines.
22571,76,4,12,"Ted: So, this is wasted time."
22572,76,4,12,"Marshall: Exactly. And the worst part is, this piece of my hallway door to the toilet. It's exposure to criticism."
22573,76,4,12,Flashback
22574,76,4,12,Marshall: It was my head.
22575,76,4,12,Leader: We know exactly what you will do.
22576,76,4,12,Marshall: The boss.
22577,76,4,12,"Bilson: Eriksen, why you do not move your office there?"
22578,76,4,12,"Man: Donald ""I think he has a Woman."" My darling, if flagrant."
22579,76,4,12,End flashback
22580,76,4,12,"Marshall: Anyway, I'd rather do it here."
22581,76,4,12,"Robin: No, I'm sorry. This is our house now. Marshall, you should also read a magazine. Give me your key."
22582,76,4,12,"Marshall: No, certainly not. Reminds me of a bargain between three parties where no one would discuss a certain event happened. An event... persuasion. This key, madam, this is my silence. Good day to you both."
22583,76,4,12,He left the apartment.
22584,76,4,12,"Barney, Robin, Ted, Marshall and Lily are in McClaren's."
22585,76,4,12,Lily: You slept together?
22586,76,4,12,"Marshall: Thank you, Lily."
22587,76,4,12,Marshall gives the key to Robin.
22588,76,4,12,"Barney: You... have slept together. What are épouv...stouflant. Epouvstouflant. Well done, Ted. Bravo."
22589,76,4,12,Robin: It seems more important than it is.
22590,76,4,12,Ted: We talked and we realized we had some difficult months.It deserves a little fun.
22591,76,4,12,"Lily: No. It could ruin your friendship. When two former try the ""right opportunity"", someone always ends in pain."
22592,76,4,12,"Ted (2030): In fact, Lily was right. We talk about it later."
22593,76,4,12,"Robin: We will not get there, OK? Nobody will get hurt. It has established rules."
22594,76,4,12,Flashback
22595,76,4,12,Ted: Rule number one: purely physical relationship. There are no feelings.
22596,76,4,12,Robin: This is like telling Fonzie be cool.
22597,76,4,12,"Ted: And since it's just physical, it was not to worry love."
22598,76,4,12,Robin: You can do it watching TV!
22599,76,4,12,Ted: Absolutely! Let's multitasking. Use s*x to spice up the boring activities.
22600,76,4,12,Robin: As folding laundry.
22601,76,4,12,Ted: Paying the bills.
22602,76,4,12,Robin Cook.
22603,76,4,12,Ted: It's not very hygienic.
22604,76,4,12,"Robin: Yes, not that one."
22605,76,4,12,End flashback
22606,76,4,12,"Robin: And now they sleep together, we argue more."
22607,76,4,12,"Ted: Problem solved. In fact, the credit goes to Barney. This idea just your thing on the world peace."
22608,76,4,12,"Robin: Yes. Thank you, Barney. You were right. Peace was established. More than once."
22609,76,4,12,"Barney: So, I am responsible for... Excellent. Excellent.Excellent. The next tour is for me!"
22610,76,4,12,It moves away from the table and Lily follows him.
22611,76,4,12,Lily: Are you okay?
22612,76,4,12,Barney: Yes. Why you ask?
22613,76,4,12,"Lily: For one thing, you cry openly."
22614,76,4,12,Barney: From joy. I am so happy for them.
22615,76,4,12,"Lily: Barney, admit it. You always have feelings for Robin and it tortures you."
22616,76,4,12,"Barney: I'm going quite well. Excuse me just a minute. (He goes out into the alley behind the bar, takes a television in a trash can and throws it down. Then back to talk to Lily) I'm going quite well."
22617,76,4,12,Lily: You must learn to express your feelings. Perhaps you should see a psychiatrist.
22618,76,4,12,"Barney: Wait. If I pay a woman $ 200 an hour to feel better, it will not discuss. And there will be both on the couch. The woman in my scenario, she is a prostitute. Dirty, vulgar, all redone, from Eastern Europe..."
22619,76,4,12,Lily: I entered.
22620,76,4,12,Ted: There's something liberating not to take it seriously.
22621,76,4,12,Robin: Last night we did when I answered the phone.
22622,76,4,12,Marshall: I knew you had not of paddler!
22623,76,4,12,"Barney: Wonderful, we still speak of that!"
22624,76,4,12,"Robin: Look, it's a private thing between me and Ted."
22625,76,4,12,Ted and Robin Trick private.
22626,76,4,12,Robin: It is not even discuss it if Marshall could read a magazine at work.
22627,76,4,12,"Lily: It was always like that. You remember, in law?"
22628,76,4,12,Marshall: Sure.
22629,76,4,12,Flashback
22630,76,4,12,"Lily is sitting on the couch, crying, when Marshall enters the apartment."
22631,76,4,12,Marshall: Baby? What has he?
22632,76,4,12,"Lily: The bank statement arrived today. You have booked a hotel two blocks from your school, a Tuesday."
22633,76,4,12,Marshall: That's not what you think.
22634,76,4,12,"Lily: It's that, Marshall? What's her name?"
22635,76,4,12,Marshall: Burrito. Carnitas Burrito.
22636,76,4,12,End flashback
22637,76,4,12,Robin: Have you booked a hotel room just to read a magazine?
22638,76,4,12,Marshall: You do not want me to see if the waitress at a huge scale for this haughty tone with you? Nobody likes reading a magazine at work and they say they are not human.
22639,76,4,12,"Barney: Dude, I read a magazine at work every day. I will not say how many meetings where I was late because I 'was reading a magazine. "" But I'm not ashamed of that. This is my moment. Sure, ""magazine is read"" is not sexy, but you know, this is something I have to do. Why be ashamed? Wait, ""read a magazine"" that's wank, right?"
22640,76,4,12,Ted and Robin are back at the apartment.
22641,76,4,12,Ted: I think so. You still have drank all my milk!
22642,76,4,12,Robin: We can make love.
22643,76,4,12,Ted: OK.
22644,76,4,12,Ted is the bar with Barney.
22645,76,4,12,"Ted: This is the ideal plan. Each time you start to yell, he lieth in place. One minute you're on the back of each other, and the one after that, well, the same thing."
22646,76,4,12,Barney: Super.
22647,76,4,12,Barney is in the driveway and threw a television.
22648,76,4,12,"Ted: This morning, she cried through the door, ""You're too long in the shower! "". A second later, she joined me. There, it has not bothered me to take my time."
22649,76,4,12,Barney: If great.
22650,76,4,12,"Again, he threw a television."
22651,76,4,12,"Ted: Sorry for the delay. I was typing a Scherbatsky. She used all my stamps, so in short, the postman rang twice. Should you stamp it!"
22652,76,4,12,Barney: It's... just... if... Excuse me one second.
22653,76,4,12,He gets up and goes out into the aisle. It goes to get something in the trash but there is more.
22654,76,4,12,Barney is in an appliance store.
22655,76,4,12,"Barney: So, plasmas are better in low light, but the LCD is best to play?"
22656,76,4,12,"Seller: Okay, but CRTs have the deepest blacks."
22657,76,4,12,Barney: So if I want a very good contrast ratio...
22658,76,4,12,Seller: The deep structure of the CRT pixel resolution produces unrivaled in LCD.
22659,76,4,12,Barney: I take the CRT.
22660,76,4,12,He is now behind the bar and throw again on TV. He enters the bar with a smile when Lily is waiting.
22661,76,4,12,"Lily: Barney, it's crazy."
22662,76,4,12,"Barney: I'm fine, thank you."
22663,76,4,12,"Lily: No, it's wrong. You must learn to get it out. As we did in my kindergarten class. ""The time for emotions"", every Tuesday morning."
22664,76,4,12,"Barney: Look, maybe your kids resent their friends sleep together, but not me. I have never been better."
22665,76,4,12,
22666,76,4,12,Marshall is at his job.
22667,76,4,12,"Ted (2030): Meanwhile, Marshall always drooled at work."
22668,76,4,12,"Magazine: Listen all, big breakfast this morning. You know what that means."
22669,76,4,12,Ted (2030): Then came the best news he had heard long ago.
22670,76,4,12,Woman: Are you aware? They fired everyone in the eighth.
22671,76,4,12,Man: I know. This is a ghost town there.
22672,76,4,12,Marshall arrived at work one floor. He goes to the bathroom.
22673,76,4,12,Ted leaves his room while Robin is reading a magazine.
22674,76,4,12,Ted: Hello.
22675,76,4,12,Robin: Hello.
22676,76,4,12,Ted: It was fun last night.
22677,76,4,12,"Robin: Sure, it was a good one. Personal memo: leave it lying around the pizza box more often."
22678,76,4,12,"Ted: Okay, see you later."
22679,76,4,12,They kiss.
22680,76,4,12,Ted is in McClaren's with Marshall and Barney.
22681,76,4,12,"Ted: Last night, Robin left a pizza box lying on the floor, so we had s*x three times."
22682,76,4,12,Marshall: OK.
22683,76,4,12,Ted: And this morning before leaving for work... we kissed.
22684,76,4,12,Marshall: Bizarre. It's weird.
22685,76,4,12,Ted: What? This kiss has violated the spirit of our arrangement. She probably thinks that I have feelings for her.
22686,76,4,12,Marshall: Do you have any?
22687,76,4,12,"Barney: Yes, I love it. That's what... It's you, man."
22688,76,4,12,Ted: No. It meant nothing. It was just a reflex when we were a couple. But I did everything go wrong.
22689,76,4,12,Barney: Clearly. This is the end.
22690,76,4,12,Marshall: Wait. Maybe she has not found it weird.
22691,76,4,12,Lily and Robin are in the apartment.
22692,76,4,12,"Robin: It was weird. Bizarre, weird, weird. B-I-R-A-Z-R-E.Bizarre."
22693,76,4,12,Lily: That's not how it is written.
22694,76,4,12,"Robin: Come on, Lily. Do not your Ted."
22695,76,4,12,"Lily: I warned you. When ex relapse, ultimately, it hurts someone. But nobody is listening. This is the story of my life.My nice face that prevents people listen to my message."
22696,76,4,12,Robin: What do I do?
22697,76,4,12,At the bar...
22698,76,4,12,"Barney: A single solution. You must stop sleeping together, please."
22699,76,4,12,At the apartment...
22700,76,4,12,"Robin: I think we should stop sleeping. Ted and I, it's like cigarettes. You take one into thinking it is good. And very quickly, you buy one carton per week. I must stop it."
22701,76,4,12,At the bar...
22702,76,4,12,Ted: I have to stop it.
22703,76,4,12,Ted and Robin are at the apartment and talk.
22704,76,4,12,"Robin: So, you stop that, huh?"
22705,76,4,12,Ted: I think so.
22706,76,4,12,"Robin: This is for the best. It was fun, but I do not want it becoming weird."
22707,76,4,12,Ted: I do not either.
22708,76,4,12,Robin: Colocs?
22709,76,4,12,Ted: Colocs.
22710,76,4,12,Ted opens the fridge and took the empty bottle of milk. Ted and Robin are in bed.
22711,76,4,12,Ted: But they say nothing to anyone. Okay?
22712,76,4,12,Robin: Sold.
22713,76,4,12,Marshall: Sold.
22714,76,4,12,Robin: Dude!
22715,76,4,12,Ted: Seriously!
22716,76,4,12,At the bar...
22717,76,4,12,Lily: What is your problem?
22718,76,4,12,Barney (the appliance store): This one.
22719,76,4,12,He throws it down.
22720,76,4,12,Ted: It did not last long.
22721,76,4,12,"Robin: Actually, what you did not care for us? I thought you had the perfect plan."
22722,76,4,12,Marshall: That was the case.
22723,76,4,12,Flashback
22724,76,4,12,Marshall eats with others of his job.
22725,76,4,12,"Marshall: Everything was going well. I felt more and more comfortable, more confident. I could conquer the world. One morning I'm in the eighth with a magazine."
22726,76,4,12,He enters the bathroom and two workers arrived.
22727,76,4,12,"Man 1: We will demolish everything. I want that you will destroy these walls, here... and there."
22728,76,4,12,Male 2: It works.
22729,76,4,12,The first man goes and takes a second mass.
22730,76,4,12,Marshall: The celebrities extend their clothes? I also extend my machine. (The man breaks the wall of the toilet where Marshall is located) Do not enter!
22731,76,4,12,End flashback
22732,76,4,12,Marshall: It did not last long.
22733,76,4,12,"Barney takes out the trash, when Ted returns."
22734,76,4,12,Barney: Thank you.
22735,76,4,12,Ted: What are you doing?
22736,76,4,12,"Barney: Because of your bickering roommates are always a source of conflict between you two, I wanted to help. In fact, I went to the post. I took you stamps. In about 10 000. That should be enough."
22737,76,4,12,"Ted: Thanks, I guess. You want a beer?"
22738,76,4,12,Ted opens the fridge full.
22739,76,4,12,Barney: I took it in passing. It's nothing.
22740,76,4,12,Ted: You have bought us a dishwasher?
22741,76,4,12,Barney: It has always been there. You've been here how long?
22742,76,4,12,"Ted: So you take it all and you can avoid to argue, eh?"
22743,76,4,12,Barney: Exactly. I worry about you.
22744,76,4,12,"Ted: It bothers you that we sleep together, right?"
22745,76,4,12,Barney: Not at all. It's crazy. What?
22746,76,4,12,Ted: You're in love with Robin? You're in love with Robin.That's why you not want people sleeping together.
22747,76,4,12,Barney: What? You say anything. A friend can not clean the apartment of another friend like friends do?
22748,76,4,12,Ted: Cite me a buddy in the story of friends who has already done that.
22749,76,4,12,Barney: I give you two: Clean and gentlemen Solcarlus.
22750,76,4,12,Ted: That thing between me and Robin is completely innocent.I flipperai if you tell me not feel something for her. This is the case?
22751,76,4,12,"Barney: No. This is not true, no. This is not true, no. No. Robin is all yours, man. Exploding yourself with it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go sleep with other girls."
22752,76,4,12,Ted: Are you sure?
22753,76,4,12,Barney: Yes!
22754,76,4,12,Ted: Positive?
22755,76,4,12,Barney: Absolutely. (Barney out of the apartment)
22756,76,4,12,Barney is in the class of Lily.
22757,76,4,12,"Barney: And I went with a bang. Why did I do that? It comes perhaps my father issues, but... basically, I allowed my best friend to sleep with the girl of my dreams. I completely sabotaged. And now, I smoke. I smoke."
22758,76,4,12,Lily: Get out of here.
22759,76,4,12,"Barney: But it's time and emotions I Emotive, bears sharing.Whoever Emotive, Bear's shares, can sit on the chair of the division."
22760,76,4,12,"Lily: Barney, you're not at your therapist. These children also have their problems, you know. Ben's parents divorced."
22761,76,4,12,Ben: Really?
22762,76,4,12,Lily: Who wants to do the coloring?
22763,76,4,12,Barney is now in his office. Between Marshall.
22764,76,4,12,"Barney: Great, it's Lily who sent you? I have not the bear, OK?I will make it! Why are you smiling?"
22765,76,4,12,Marshall: I just... reading a magazine. Here at work.
22766,76,4,12,Barney: What?
22767,76,4,12,"Marshall: It's the funniest thing. I was on the net, looking at hotels when I realized something."
22768,76,4,12,Flashback
22769,76,4,12,Marshall is on his computer.
22770,76,4,12,Marshall: This is stupid.
22771,76,4,12,End flashback
22772,76,4,12,"Marshall: I decided it was time to face my complex and do what I had to do and once that decision, everything changed."
22773,76,4,12,Flashback
22774,76,4,12,Marshall walks in the hallway with a magazine and coffee in hand.
22775,76,4,12,Woman: That's a young man at ease in his sneakers.
22776,76,4,12,Man: I know what you are about to do and I respect you for that.
22777,76,4,12,Bilson: Well the road.
22778,76,4,12,"Magazine: You have taken a big step today. Remember Shakespeare: ""Virtue is fearless and goodness, without fear."""
22779,76,4,12,"Marshall: You're right, Super Babe Are My Woman Stop telling me Why You Are Not Famous But I stop To forget. Let's do it."
22780,76,4,12,Magazine: Watch the road.
22781,76,4,12,End flashback
22782,76,4,12,Barney: Congratulations.
22783,76,4,12,Marshall: Thank you. I would have done well at some point.Sometimes you have to... You have to say and... go there.
22784,76,4,12,"Barney: Marshall, I gotta go. In fact, there are toilets here, if you want to use."
22785,76,4,12,Barney out of his office.
22786,76,4,12,Marshall:... Species
22787,76,4,12,Barney arrives at Ted's apartment.
22788,76,4,12,"Barney: Ted, I must tell you the truth. I love... (Robin out the trash) tacos. What are you doing?"
22789,76,4,12,"Robin: I go step-louse. If you are looking for Ted, he was released. And... our little arrangement is... completed, by the way."
22790,76,4,12,Barney: Really? That's Wife... vantable.
22791,76,4,12,Robin: Epousvantable?
22792,76,4,12,"Barney: Yes, it is épousvantable. What has happened?"
22793,76,4,12,"Robin: He insisted. He said ""no longer able to do"" if ""it hurt someone."" I think we all know who he is talking about."
22794,76,4,12,Barney: Oh?
22795,76,4,12,Robin: It's not obvious?
22796,76,4,12,Barney: It is?
22797,76,4,12,Robin: Yes. This is Ted. You know how it romantic. He can not separate the physical emotion. It is kind of...
22798,76,4,12,Barney: I love you.
22799,76,4,12,"Robin: Right. It's not like you, you know? In addition, we are friends. I want to complicate matters by committing. Hanging out with friends never works. So... you want to go eat a taco?"
22800,76,4,12,Barney: A Taco?
22801,76,4,12,"Robin: You love them, right?"
22802,76,4,12,Barney: Just.
22803,76,4,12,"Robin: Come on, I'm hungry."
22804,76,4,12,In McClaren's...
22805,76,4,12,"Ted (2030): So Robin and I have again become roommates and everything is back to normal. Your Aunt Lily was right.When two former try the ""right opportunity"", someone is always hurt. It was just not one of us."
22806,77,4,13,"March 1998, Lily Marshall waits at the airport."
22807,77,4,13,"Ted (2030): Children, during the second year of college, when Lily is back from vacation, Marshall surprised her at the airport.And she caught him with a pack of Root Beer."
22808,77,4,13,Lily: Fort Lau-ger-Dale! Get it?
22809,77,4,13,"Ted (2030): And suddenly, a ritual was born. The next 11 years, if one of them was on a plane..."
22810,77,4,13,"June 2002, Lily Marshall waits at the airport."
22811,77,4,13,Marshall: Minne-Cider! Get it?
22812,77,4,13,Ted (2030):... the reunion was still commemorated with a sign and a pack where they came from.
22813,77,4,13,February 2008...
22814,77,4,13,Lily: Aspen Yards Ale! Get it?
22815,77,4,13,"Marshall: Actually, no!"
22816,77,4,13,Lily: I do not either. I was hoping that you find.
22817,77,4,13,"Ted (2030): But, one night in January 2009, the unthinkable happened."
22818,77,4,13,"January 2009, Ted and Marshall are in McClaren's."
22819,77,4,13,Marshall: I will not get it.
22820,77,4,13,Ted: What?
22821,77,4,13,Marshall: Lily not want me to take a taxi to the airport just to get a taxi in the opposite direction.
22822,77,4,13,Ted: But the thing of the pack?
22823,77,4,13,"Marshall: It was fun when we were younger, but we exceeded it. When mature, the relationship matures with us."
22824,77,4,13,"Ted: But... you are an inspiration to us all, you are so dedicated and linked. I look at you, and that's all I want in the world."
22825,77,4,13,"Barney: There are two students out, and they look easy!"
22826,77,4,13,Ted and Barney runs out of the bar.
22827,77,4,13,Ted: Arizona... You know... I always wanted to see what looks like a license in Arizona.
22828,77,4,13,Barney: I already did that. 21 years.
22829,77,4,13,Ted: It's good. God thank you. What brings you here?
22830,77,4,13,Woman 1: Our group did a concert.
22831,77,4,13,Ted: You have a group? We will perhaps see you.
22832,77,4,13,Barney: Excuse me one second. (Barney leads Ted to the bar entrance) What is your problem? We will not see them play.
22833,77,4,13,Ted: Why?
22834,77,4,13,"Barney: If you go see them, it is not better than blondes showing their tits at a concert by Van Halen."
22835,77,4,13,"Ted: Yes, but these girls they sleep with Van Halen after?"
22836,77,4,13,"Barney: If you want to sleep with Van Halen, do it on your spare time. We're not guys who-could-come-you-see. It is the other guys, those older, who ever came and whose recognition is required."
22837,77,4,13,Ted: We are their fathers?
22838,77,4,13,"Barney: Exactly. (They go see the girls) This is a great meeting, I think that we can come. Another time, girls."
22839,77,4,13,"Ted: If you want to see us afterwards, we can exchange our numbers."
22840,77,4,13,Barney: Excuse us a minute. (Barney leads Ted still at the entrance of the bar) Have you gone crazy? We do not want their numbers.
22841,77,4,13,Ted: I know not what I was doing. I had panic there.
22842,77,4,13,"Barney: Qua na you exchange a number, you give him the opportunity to call to cancel. If you give a number without an appointment, they must come. Checkmate! No number, just my fingers. Truck."
22843,77,4,13,Ted: You're still their father?
22844,77,4,13,They go back again.
22845,77,4,13,Barney: Why not arrange to meet you here tomorrow night to 22h.
22846,77,4,13,Woman 1: I think it will snow. What do we do if there is a blizzard?
22847,77,4,13,"Barney: Whatever happens, we will be there."
22848,77,4,13,"Ted: That's all ""ski"" account."
22849,77,4,13,Barney: Sorry one last time.
22850,77,4,13,Ted: What is the problem here?
22851,77,4,13,Barney: Well done.
22852,77,4,13,Ted: Thank you.
22853,77,4,13,Barney: At tomorrow night.
22854,77,4,13,Woman 2: Bluntly.
22855,77,4,13,Woman 1: Great!
22856,77,4,13,The two women leave.
22857,77,4,13,"Barney: 'Definitely. Great! ""Dude, these students seem stupid."
22858,77,4,13,Ted: Bluntly.
22859,77,4,13,"Barney: Awesome. Here's the thing: tomorrow night, dress up well, it will move!"
22860,77,4,13,Ted: We would still have had to make their numbers.
22861,77,4,13,"Barney: You always imagine the worst. Ted, I promise, everything will be okay. It begins to snow."
22862,77,4,13,GENERIC
22863,77,4,13,"Ted (2030): Children, the blizzard of 2009 was a monster. It snowed for 3 days, which gave three incredible stories. I start with Barney and me."
22864,77,4,13,Ted and Barney are the only McClaren's.
22865,77,4,13,Ted: It's really bad outside. They will not.
22866,77,4,13,"Barney: But if it will come. It has to. If I can touch one of those girls, I get a ""Bingo party student."" Come on, Ted. You're the only one here."
22867,77,4,13,"Ted: Sorry, a ""Bingo party student""?"
22868,77,4,13,"Barney: Every year, Playboy publishes a list of the best student parties in the country. I take the top 25, and I do... a bingo card. All I need now that Arizona Tech, which is crazy. In a contest, it would be given automatically."
22869,77,4,13,Ted: How many people are on this festive bingo student?
22870,77,4,13,Barney: Just me.
22871,77,4,13,Ted: What is the purpose then?
22872,77,4,13,Barney: The goal is to make it five in a row.
22873,77,4,13,"Ted: And you got what, if you succeed?"
22874,77,4,13,Barney: I have a bingo.
22875,77,4,13,"Marshall repaired the radiator to Ted's apartment, in front of Robin."
22876,77,4,13,Robin: Thanks for stopping by. I hacked the thermostat for 1 h before it was seen that the intercom.
22877,77,4,13,"Marshall: Yeah, I heard you moan from below."
22878,77,4,13,"Robin: The theft of Lily's tonight, you're really not looking for it?"
22879,77,4,13,"Marshall: As I said, when you grow up, our relationship matures with us."
22880,77,4,13,"Robin: Knowing your wife, she'll still bring you back a pack."
22881,77,4,13,Marshall imagines the scene. Lily arrives at the airport and can not find Marshall.
22882,77,4,13,Lily: Marshall?
22883,77,4,13,Man: Puget Stout. The choicest of beverages from Seattle.And speaking of pack...
22884,77,4,13,He lifts his shirt and Lily goes with him.
22885,77,4,13,Robin: What are you doing?
22886,77,4,13,Marshall: I'm going to the airport. How could I be so stupid? Of course it takes me back a pack!
22887,77,4,13,Lily is on the plane.
22888,77,4,13,"Lily: But this time, I'm not back pack. Because... when it matures, the relationship matures with us."
22889,77,4,13,Woman: He looks like a nice young man. I bet it will surprise you and pick you up anyway.
22890,77,4,13,"Lily also imagines the scene. She arrives at the airport without pack, and Marshall awaits."
22891,77,4,13,Marshall: Where is my beer?
22892,77,4,13,Lily: It was said not this time.
22893,77,4,13,"Marshall turns his sign which says: ""Someone with beer."""
22894,77,4,13,Woman: I have beer.
22895,77,4,13,"Marshall: A pack and a size that suits me. Come on, new Lily."
22896,77,4,13,Marshall leaves with the woman and leaves Lily.
22897,77,4,13,Lily: I drink beer.
22898,77,4,13,"Voice: This is your captain speaking. Apparently, it will arrive with an hour early."
22899,77,4,13,Ted and Barney are still at the bar alone.
22900,77,4,13,"Carl: Finish, guys. I close the bar."
22901,77,4,13,Ted: No! It is only 21h.
22902,77,4,13,"Barney: And it rocks here, yo!"
22903,77,4,13,"Carl: I'm really sorry, but I have to install beds in the church. It becomes a refuge, snowy nights."
22904,77,4,13,Barney: selfish b*st*rd! There are two cannons girls who come to us here.
22905,77,4,13,Ted: You can leave it open a little more? We monitor everything.
22906,77,4,13,Carl: You two? Impossible. You ignore the low bar.
22907,77,4,13,Barney: Serve the guns first?
22908,77,4,13,"Carl: That's the key. Once your girls arrive, you turn off the lights and close. I want to go back and find a mess here."
22909,77,4,13,Ted: Seriously?
22910,77,4,13,Carl: I can trust you.
22911,77,4,13,"Ted (2030): To find out what it meant to have the keys to the bar, I must revert back to the night when I released five little words that everyone says at one point in his life."
22912,77,4,13,Flashback
22913,77,4,13,Barney and Ted are playing Monopoly.
22914,77,4,13,Ted: There should be a bar.
22915,77,4,13,"Barney: Of course, we should have a bar!"
22916,77,4,13,Ted: You really should have a bar.
22917,77,4,13,Barney: It really should have a bar.
22918,77,4,13,Ted: Our bar would be great.
22919,77,4,13,"Barney: And dude, dude, dude, dude... The name of our bar will be... Puzzles. People will, ""Why Puzzles? ""That's the puzzle."
22920,77,4,13,"Ted: That's... a great name for a bar! And also, Puzzles: no nightcap."
22921,77,4,13,Barney: No nightcap!
22922,77,4,13,"Ted: Except where everyone ended up spending the best night of his life, then we put the chairs on the tables and pulled out the margarita fountain."
22923,77,4,13,Barney: There should be a bar.
22924,77,4,13,Ted: There should be a bar.
22925,77,4,13,Ted (2030): Like all stupid sentences of five words that every man in her life said...
22926,77,4,13,Marshall is on the edge of the roof.
22927,77,4,13,Marshall: I can jump as far.
22928,77,4,13,At the apartment...
22929,77,4,13,Ted: I'm going to recover.
22930,77,4,13,At the bar...
22931,77,4,13,Carl: I can trust you.
22932,77,4,13,Ted (2030):... we would regret it. We knew not yet.
22933,77,4,13,End flashback
22934,77,4,13,"Ted and Barney are behind the bar and prepared cocktails, by engaging the bottles. Until they are falling."
22935,77,4,13,Lily is at the airport.
22936,77,4,13,Lily: You? Great! I'm coming. (She hangs up his phone) Ranjit?
22937,77,4,13,Woman: I'm Rachel Sondheimer.
22938,77,4,13,"Ranjit: One moment, Lily. IF you get off the plane, which is Marshall? And the pack of beer?"
22939,77,4,13,Lily: That's the problem. I must be Brunivers in East Meadow in one hour.
22940,77,4,13,Ranjit: In the car!
22941,77,4,13,Lily: Thank you.
22942,77,4,13,"Ranjit hand with Lily, leaving Rachel plan."
22943,77,4,13,In McClaren's...
22944,77,4,13,Ted: Barman. Triple Sec.
22945,77,4,13,"Barney: It happens, keep tap. We will buy one."
22946,77,4,13,Ted: Served.
22947,77,4,13,Ted slides the glass on the counter but Barney does not catch up.
22948,77,4,13,Barney: Served.
22949,77,4,13,Ted: We will buy one.
22950,77,4,13,"Woman 1: thank you God, you're still here."
22951,77,4,13,"Woman 2: I do not know if you've seen Star Wars, but it looks like Hoth out."
22952,77,4,13,Ted: Prem's.
22953,77,4,13,Woman 1: Reminds me of when I was sledding with my father... before he leaves.
22954,77,4,13,Barney: And prem's.
22955,77,4,13,Ted: It can get warm with a glass?
22956,77,4,13,"Woman 2: Sure... In fact, I invited the rest of the group to join us."
22957,77,4,13,Woman 1: It is the intention of getting drunk. Really get drunk.As my father did.
22958,77,4,13,"Barney: Prem's, prem's prem's."
22959,77,4,13,"Ted: I guess you could stay open longer. As it is you and the group? (The bar is crowded) Melissa, what kind of group is it?"
22960,77,4,13,Melissa: We are the band of hens fighting Arizona Tech.
22961,77,4,13,"All: Come on, Chickens!"
22962,77,4,13,Ted (2030): It was then that Uncle Barney and I had a telepathic conversation.
22963,77,4,13,"Ted: Dude, Carl is going to kill us if we turn not everyone immediately. I'm serious. He promised not to mess. Okay, you score a point. The bar is open! Who wants a beer?"
22964,77,4,13,Robin and Marshall drive to the airport.
22965,77,4,13,"Robin: I always find it silly. What happened to ""when you grow up, the relationship matures with us""?"
22966,77,4,13,"Marshall: It's just something Lily read in ""Psychology."" It's good, she read in ""Cosmo"". Okay, I read in ""Cosmo"". Well, it was in ""Cosmo Girl"". Drive, OK?"
22967,77,4,13,Robin: Why make a fuss a little ritual is abandoned.
22968,77,4,13,"Marshall: It's more than that, OK? This is our little rituals. You know what we did when I got home?"
22969,77,4,13,Robin: I do not wanna hear about f*ck like rabbits.
22970,77,4,13,Marshall: They told what they had eaten at noon.
22971,77,4,13,Flashback
22972,77,4,13,Marshall returned to the apartment.
22973,77,4,13,"Marshall: Two eggs, a cheese pizza and steamed vegetables."
22974,77,4,13,"Lily: A little bread, chicken, celery sticks and a spoon of peanut butter. We f*ck like rabbits?"
22975,77,4,13,Marshall: They f*ck like rabbits.
22976,77,4,13,End flashback
22977,77,4,13,
22978,77,4,13,Lily is with Ranjit.
22979,77,4,13,Ranjit: BTI... Too much information.
22980,77,4,13,Lily: You know what I miss? The call for lunch.
22981,77,4,13,Flashback
22982,77,4,13,Lily is in the kitchen on the phone.
22983,77,4,13,"Lily: Baby, it's lunch and I love you."
22984,77,4,13,Marshall at the office: I do not think less. Although I must warn you that there seems to be a surplus on my side.
22985,77,4,13,"Lily: No, I love you even more."
22986,77,4,13,"Marshall: Do we get a room to pull all this out? It seemed like a good compromise, although I have to work my positions. I love you too."
22987,77,4,13,Marshall hangs up.
22988,77,4,13,End flashback
22989,77,4,13,Marshall and Robin were always by car.
22990,77,4,13,"Marshall: Now, when she calls, I let the answering machine.The answering machine!"
22991,77,4,13,Robin: How dare you?
22992,77,4,13,Marshall: What I miss most is the kiss of midnight New Year
22993,77,4,13,Lily: It was New Year's tradition But you know what we did this year?
22994,77,4,13,Ranjit: Kiss like rabbits?
22995,77,4,13,Lily: No.
22996,77,4,13,Flashback
22997,77,4,13,Lily and Marshall are sleeping on the couch.
22998,77,4,13,End flashback
22999,77,4,13,"Robin: All of these little rituals, nice, cute... This is stupid. Say what we ate? They look like kids playing in the dinette."
23000,77,4,13,Marshall: Maybe you think it's stupid because you've never had a relationship that lasts long enough for that.
23001,77,4,13,Robin: What?
23002,77,4,13,"Marshall: You know nothing of love. You're like a robot that someone would cry and say that... ""Why this human leaking?"""
23003,77,4,13,Robin: Really? Okay... Robot mode station-you-on-the-aisle-in-waiting-for-excuse-of-the imbecile.
23004,77,4,13,Robin stops on the roadside.
23005,77,4,13,Marshall: My robot was... a thousand times better.
23006,77,4,13,"Ted and Barney are always at McClaren's, behind the counter."
23007,77,4,13,"Man: FYI, the sink overflows into the bathroom."
23008,77,4,13,Ted: There's no sink. And you get out of the kitchen.
23009,77,4,13,Barney: Is there anything in a gin and tonic? There's what in a gin and tonic?
23010,77,4,13,"Ted: Hold a bar, it sucks. Is closed."
23011,77,4,13,"Barney: No nightcap! (The phone rings) Puzzles, Barney here."
23012,77,4,13,"Carl: Well, you're still there. I arrive in 5 minutes."
23013,77,4,13,Barney: Last glass.
23014,77,4,13,Robin and Marshall are always stopping on the roadside.
23015,77,4,13,Marshall: A snowplow arrives. We must leave.
23016,77,4,13,"Robin: You think being in love, it's just to have pet names. Or let the words stupid or darken in the blizzard for no reason."
23017,77,4,13,Marshall: You know what will happen?
23018,77,4,13,"Robin: You know what you are? You're a snob of love. There's lots of ways to live a relationship, you would know if you left your little club ""Snob love."""
23019,77,4,13,"Marshall: We'll be buried under the snow, that's what will happen."
23020,77,4,13,Robin: Nothing to be done. I will not sit here and insult me.We're not going to the airport. We go. (The snowplow passes and buried under the snow) It's been what?
23021,77,4,13,Ranjit and Lily arrive at a store.
23022,77,4,13,Lily: It was earlier called for the drink of Seattle.
23023,77,4,13,"Man: You did well to call. I was close. It's the perfect storm outside. It was only in 2009, when the storm of the century, it is perhaps a little premature. Let the storm of the year. Even if one is in January."
23024,77,4,13,"Lily: It is rather a hurry, so we'll take the beer."
23025,77,4,13,Man: You are a cute couple.
23026,77,4,13,Ranjit: Thank you.
23027,77,4,13,Lily: We're not a couple.
23028,77,4,13,"Man: God thank you. It would have been weird. Here it is.""Supersonic Tonic""."
23029,77,4,13,Lily: No. It is a drum. I want a six pack.
23030,77,4,13,Man: That's all I have.
23031,77,4,13,Lily: You take the barrel.
23032,77,4,13,"Ranjit: What? No. The last time I had one in the car, I ended up removing the dried vomit on the seat with a knife."
23033,77,4,13,"Lily: Sorry, Ranjit, but it is a ritual, and I back this beer. If you could put it in the car. I'll give you $ 50."
23034,77,4,13,Ranjit: A car.
23035,77,4,13,Robin in the car...
23036,77,4,13,"Marshall: Robin, I'm sorry. You're not a robot. If you are, you are a very advanced model, and the human race has no chance. You did not choose to show your love through rituals tacky, and that's good. But maybe we did that because we have always done and we know no other way. What I know is that if there sitting alone at the airport, I have to go get her.These are the rules."
23037,77,4,13,Robin: Close your eyes.
23038,77,4,13,"Marshall: I know not how you thought I draguais you, but..."
23039,77,4,13,"Robin: Do it. (Robin opened the roof and the snow falls on them) Now, go find your wife."
23040,77,4,13,Barney makes people out of the bar.
23041,77,4,13,"Barney: Okay, go. You are not obliged to return, but you can not stay. I always wanted to say that. I mean, in a bar. I say all the time with me."
23042,77,4,13,"Man: One day, we should have a bar. And when it will, there will never be nightcap."
23043,77,4,13,Ted: We said no last drink. We must do.
23044,77,4,13,Barney: We should do what? Carl will be there from one moment to another.
23045,77,4,13,Ted: We can do one thing.
23046,77,4,13,Ted was a bar to his apartment.
23047,77,4,13,"Ted: Caring for a bar, it's boring. We should stick to what we know."
23048,77,4,13,Barney: We should start a band.
23049,77,4,13,Ted: Of course! Why was not yet formed a band?
23050,77,4,13,Marshall and Robin arrive at the airport.
23051,77,4,13,"Ted (2030): Children, sometimes in life, the planets align, everything comes together, and your timing is perfect.(Marshall and Lily calls Marshall called Lily but neither Marshall or Lily of the horizon. Lily sits on a bench and Marshall as well) It was not one of those moments."
23052,77,4,13,Marshall: Where is she?
23053,77,4,13,Robin: Seattle.
23054,77,4,13,Marshall: What?
23055,77,4,13,Robin: His flight was canceled. He has never taken off.
23056,77,4,13,Marshall: She would have called me and...
23057,77,4,13,Marshall looks at his phone. Lily is in Seattle.
23058,77,4,13,"Lily: Baby, it's me. My flight was canceled because of a snowstorm and I will not fly until Thursday, I'm still stuck here for two days. It's lunchtime and I love you."
23059,77,4,13,"Ted (2030): As I said, it was a storm of three days. Tuesday..."
23060,77,4,13,Robin and Marshall are by car.
23061,77,4,13,Robin: I still think it's stupid.
23062,77,4,13,"Ted (2030): Wednesday... (Barney and Ted are at McClaren's, behind the counter) And Thursday... (Lily is a store with Ranjit) So Tuesday, when Marshall heard this message..."
23063,77,4,13,"Marshall: It not return until Thursday. It was all the way here and not return until Thursday. I feel stupid. Listen, they say nothing to Lily about everything, OK? Especially the part where thou dredges."
23064,77,4,13,Robin: I've not dredged.
23065,77,4,13,Marshall: That's it.
23066,77,4,13,Ted (2030): Then Wednesday...
23067,77,4,13,"At the apartment, it's party time."
23068,77,4,13,"Ted: Dude, I do not believe that you've ever done this far.You'll have to go back and redo all that way again tomorrow."
23069,77,4,13,Marshall: The whole thing was a sign. Let us end this ancient ritual. I will not get it.
23070,77,4,13,Ted: Robin you really dredged?
23071,77,4,13,"Marshall: Dude, that was weird."
23072,77,4,13,"Man: Guys, this festival is great! You are true friends of Hens fighting. If necessary, do not hesitate to ask."
23073,77,4,13,Barney: The flute section does she see anyone?
23074,77,4,13,Ted: You're not really looking for it?
23075,77,4,13,Marshall: Really.
23076,77,4,13,"Ted: So, on New Year's kiss, calls for lunch, all... ""I ate it today,"" you're really going to drop it?"
23077,77,4,13,"Marshall: Yes, really."
23078,77,4,13,Ted (2030): Which brings us to Thursday.
23079,77,4,13,"Lily is sitting on a bench at the airport. 3 men playing music, then a band come in, revealing Marshall."
23080,77,4,13,"Marshall: A muffin, a pastrami sandwich, and chips. I know that lunch is over, but I love you. I love you Lily, more and more each day. Happy New Year. That means I have to bring a band at the airport now?"
23081,77,4,13,Lily: Yes.
23082,77,4,13,Marshall: Damn.
23083,77,4,13,"Marching band, Go Hens!"
23084,77,4,13,Ted is sitting on the couch with a woman.
23085,77,4,13,Ted: Puzzles.
23086,77,4,13,Woman: This is a great band name. Have you seen Amanda?
23087,77,4,13,Barney: Bingo!
23088,78,4,14,"Marshall, Lily, Robin, Barney and Ted read letters."
23089,78,4,14,Marshall: It's crazy that Metro News One sends you this letter now.
23090,78,4,14,"Robin: Yes, I went for 4 months."
23091,78,4,14,Lily: You got more fans than I thought.
23092,78,4,14,Ted: And only 60% of them are prisoners.
23093,78,4,14,"Robin: These guys think what? I am far from my phase ""dating a prisoner."" It's like: ""Hi, I am over 19 years."""
23094,78,4,14,Barney: The daughter of the lottery is there.
23095,78,4,14,Robin: I'm sorry for these women. This is where careers go to die on TV.
23096,78,4,14,Barney: Look. It's funny. I invented a little game
23097,78,4,14,Presenter: The lotto numbers tonight are... 19...
23098,78,4,14,"Barney: Your age on arrival in New York after a photographer you have ""discovered"" to be published in Vogue."
23099,78,4,14,Presenter: 53...
23100,78,4,14,Barney: The number of nude photos that he has done before you realize he had no connection to Vogue.
23101,78,4,14,Presenter: 22...
23102,78,4,14,Barney: The age that you say you have.
23103,78,4,14,Presenter: 31...
23104,78,4,14,Barney: Your real age.
23105,78,4,14,Presenter: 45...
23106,78,4,14,"Barney: The number of minutes for me to put in a taxi, get undressed and into my Jacuzzi."
23107,78,4,14,Presenter: And the super bowl tonight is...
23108,78,4,14,Barney: What happens after that is out of the jacuzzi. Great?
23109,78,4,14,GENERIC
23110,78,4,14,"Ted (2030): Children in the winter of 2009, Robin was unemployed for months. But there was a glimmer of hope."
23111,78,4,14,Robin joined the others at McClaren's.
23112,78,4,14,Robin: Hi.
23113,78,4,14,Lily: How was the audition?
23114,78,4,14,Robin: I went very confident. I knew it was just me against two other girls.
23115,78,4,14,Barney: I listening.
23116,78,4,14,Flashback
23117,78,4,14,"Robin is in a waiting room, sitting between two women."
23118,78,4,14,Robin: Hello.
23119,78,4,14,Woman 1: Hello.
23120,78,4,14,Robin: Robin Scherbatsky. And you are?
23121,78,4,14,"Woman 1: You have obviously never been to Denver.Rochelle Harper, News Center 12. It was just the first string for the Rockies... 5 years on."
23122,78,4,14,Robin: I was a presenter here for Metro News One.
23123,78,4,14,Rochelle: Presenter. You must have a mirror finish.
23124,78,4,14,Robin: Sorry?
23125,78,4,14,"Woman 2: You must have a mirror finish. Like Walker Cronkite: ""And that's how it is."""
23126,78,4,14,Rochelle: What is yours?
23127,78,4,14,"Robin: I always ended up with a simple ""all of us at Metro News One, have a great evening."""
23128,78,4,14,End flashback
23129,78,4,14,"Barney: Mine: ""From all of us in Barney's apartment, get out."""
23130,78,4,14,"Lily: You do not let these bitches destabilize you, right?"
23131,78,4,14,Flashback
23132,78,4,14,Robin this information.
23133,78,4,14,"Robin:... and the president's economic team hopes to have a proposal before Congress by the end of the month. All of us at News 10, have a great evening. So, good night, New York.And that the road ahead is illuminated in dreams and tomorrows. Which are lit with dreams... also."
23134,78,4,14,End flashback
23135,78,4,14,Ted: It's terrible. And bad... also.
23136,78,4,14,Robin: It's not over.
23137,78,4,14,Flashback
23138,78,4,14,"Robin: Arise, New York. Trust. Recycle. Exit covered."
23139,78,4,14,End flashback
23140,78,4,14,Marshall: Leave covered?
23141,78,4,14,"Robin: I will not be a presenter at Channel 10, right?"
23142,78,4,14,Barney: It just fell.
23143,78,4,14,They are back to the apartment to read the letters.
23144,78,4,14,Ted: The problem may be your CV. Have you seen like mine is ventilated? Yours is too busy.
23145,78,4,14,"Robin: As if everything on your resume is so important?""Program Director, Radio Wesleyan University""?"
23146,78,4,14,Marshall: My God.
23147,78,4,14,Lily: Dr. X? You always talk to Dr. X?
23148,78,4,14,Robin: Who is Dr. X?
23149,78,4,14,Ted: No one knows. It was a mysterious and awesome DJ.
23150,78,4,14,Marshall: It was Ted.
23151,78,4,14,Ted: His identity is still secret.
23152,78,4,14,Lily: It was Ted.
23153,78,4,14,Ted: But this phantom waves changed the face of the campus radio.
23154,78,4,14,Marshall: It was Ted.
23155,78,4,14,Lily: The show was zero.
23156,78,4,14,Flashback
23157,78,4,14,"In 1998, Marshall and Lily listen to the radio."
23158,78,4,14,"Radio: Here Dr. X, bullets of truth from an undisclosed location. For if I knew where they would silence me."
23159,78,4,14,"Marshall: You're the 3rd floor of the home student next to the playroom, dork."
23160,78,4,14,Radio: I received lots of letters for my story on the menus of racist school.
23161,78,4,14,"Lily: How do you receive mail if someone knows where you are, moron?"
23162,78,4,14,"Radio: This is why I organize an event to the self, Monday at midnight. It is time that leaders of the canteen remove ignorance and injustice menus. (Someone from the person of the radio) Ted, we are missing a player. What are you doing here, anyway? Dude, get out of here! I'll be right. Remember, self, Monday, midnight. Another event Dr. X. I'll be there, because X leaves its mark..."
23163,78,4,14,End flashback
23164,78,4,14,"Marshall: If you think people liked your show, it's wrong..."
23165,78,4,14,Barney: Bizarre. Look at what is mixed with your fan mail.
23166,78,4,14,Robin: What?
23167,78,4,14,Barney: It comes from the Ministry of Immigration.
23168,78,4,14,Robin: The postmark date of two months. My God.
23169,78,4,14,Lily: What has he?
23170,78,4,14,"Robin: My work permit. If I can not find a job in the coming...seven days, they will refer me to Canada."
23171,78,4,14,Barney: I can not believe you that turns the country.
23172,78,4,14,Robin: I know. My whole life is here.
23173,78,4,14,Ted: No. We will not let them. One of us will help you find.
23174,78,4,14,"Lily: Yes, I'm sure I can find you something at school."
23175,78,4,14,"Marshall: No, guys... it does not work like that. Robin will have its license if it works in his field. You could stay if you got married to a U.S. citizen. Yes, it might work. No. The procedure to formalize it would take too much time. It will not work."
23176,78,4,14,Robin: I'm screwed. I send my demo for 3 months and nothing.
23177,78,4,14,"Ted: Maybe there is something in it that people do not like.We'll watch it, OK?"
23178,78,4,14,Ted puts the tape.
23179,78,4,14,"Robin: Good question, Norm. For the first, I was an intern for Channel 22 in Red Deer. Alberta. In Canada. The snow falls hard enough, but these intrepid fishermen are still happy to contribute to the gathering of bass fishing Lake Athabasca, a tradition of 1 August To you, Norm. What? It was my first job. It shows where I come from."
23180,78,4,14,"Barney: Unless a bear attacks you in 3 seconds with your legs and you break his neck, it has nothing to do in your demo."
23181,78,4,14,"Marshall: No, no, I understand. Your origins are part of what you sell. Moreover, in 'Special jurisdiction' on my resume, I put that in Minnesota, I was dunk champion Nicollet County in 1995."
23182,78,4,14,Ted: You've put champion dunk in your CV?
23183,78,4,14,"Marshall: Yes, why not? Many companies have a basketball team. They like that TonnerreVanille can still crash into the net."
23184,78,4,14,Robin: We called you TonnerreVanille?
23185,78,4,14,"Marshall: Yeah, TonnerreVanille. The ghost of snowshoes.The gate man. I was not very good in defense."
23186,78,4,14,Ted: You can dunk more.
23187,78,4,14,"Marshall: Bine sure if. Finally, I could... until there is little."
23188,78,4,14,Lily: Until the injury.
23189,78,4,14,Flashback
23190,78,4,14,Lily and Marshall are at the doctor.
23191,78,4,14,Doctor: It's tendonitis of the iliopsoas.
23192,78,4,14,"Lily: Wow, it's scary."
23193,78,4,14,Doctor: More commonly known as the dancer's hip.
23194,78,4,14,Lily and the doctor laugh.
23195,78,4,14,Marshall: Go! Iliopsoas tendinitis. This is the name. This is the only name.
23196,78,4,14,End flashback
23197,78,4,14,"Marshall: iliopsoas tendinitis. It's a basketball injury. Finally, nothing incredible."
23198,78,4,14,"Lily: The dancer's hip, Marshall's ax dancer."
23199,78,4,14,"Marshall: OK, no. They call it like that because it is very common among ballet dancers."
23200,78,4,14,"Robin: Tell me, other girls in your class have the dancer's hip?"
23201,78,4,14,Marshall: Sure.
23202,78,4,14,Ted: I have a technical question. Is it easier to dance when you do not have external genitalia?
23203,78,4,14,"Marshall: Well, go ahead, feel free to me."
23204,78,4,14,"Lily: Come on, guys. It did not hurt while dancing."
23205,78,4,14,"Marshall: Thank you, Lily."
23206,78,4,14,"Lily: Obviously, the stirrups were too far apart during his last visit to the gynecologist."
23207,78,4,14,"Barney: Folks, sorry to stop you before Marshall falls into tears, but Robin, check it out. What you need is a super video resume. Like mine. I present to you: Barneysvideocv.com.(The video starts with an explosion) Hello. Barney Stinson, you have achieved great successes in business, sport and personal relationships, and have been an inspiration to many people."
23208,78,4,14,Ted: Is that you? You INTERVIEWED yourself?
23209,78,4,14,Barney: How could that be me? He is an Englishman. What would you recommend to your many admirers who want to reach the peak of their potential?
23210,78,4,14,Ted: And a little Scottish.
23211,78,4,14,"Barney: The first thing to know about success is that it will not come to you. Most people associate success with money and power, but in fact it is a mindset."
23212,78,4,14,Ted: You were supposed to be on a motorcycle to say that?
23213,78,4,14,"Barney: And when it comes to success, the only limit is that there is no limit."
23214,78,4,14,Marshall: You know you stand next to a horse. Impressive.
23215,78,4,14,"Lily: Barney, I do not understand. You doing anything in these clips."
23216,78,4,14,"Barney: Exactly. Because that's what the world wants to work.People who seem to take risks, but never do anything. In fact, you do things will turn. I write a book about this phenomenon."
23217,78,4,14,Marshall: Really?
23218,78,4,14,"Barney: No, it would be... You listen? All my life I have dared to go beyond the possible. Until the impossible? In fact, beyond that... where the possible and the impossible meet to become... the possimpossible."
23219,78,4,14,Lily: The possimpossible? Oh yeah?
23220,78,4,14,"Barney: Inventing your own word shows creativity and vision...""Visia-ness."" If I can leave you with one thought, is this one: nothing... and all... is possimpossible. (Several assembly passes with a song) This guy is awesome."
23221,78,4,14,Ted: It's you again...? You sing a song about you?
23222,78,4,14,"Barney: Absolutely not. It would be stupid. Stinson, Barney Stinson singing this song, it would be really stupid. One of the fans who think this guy is awesome. Perfect and available.Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great... Great, great. Barney Stinson, committed. This jewel has earned me 11 jobs."
23223,78,4,14,Ted: Impossible.
23224,78,4,14,"Lily: Barney, it was ridiculous and foolish."
23225,78,4,14,Marshall: insensate-ule.
23226,78,4,14,Robin: Make me one.
23227,78,4,14,Lily: What?
23228,78,4,14,"Barney: Now, we talk about it."
23229,78,4,14,Robin: What? I will be deported. I would try anything.
23230,78,4,14,"Barney: OK, we should get started. I have much to shoot, I can not use the tapes I have of you."
23231,78,4,14,Robin: Bands on me?
23232,78,4,14,Barney: Let's start.
23233,78,4,14,Lily and Marshall are both at the bar.
23234,78,4,14,Lily: Honey. You're always sorry for the joke of the dancer?They joked. We all know that this is a basketball injury.
23235,78,4,14,"Marshall: Yes, absolutely. I have something to say."
23236,78,4,14,Lily: What?
23237,78,4,14,Marshall: I dance more than you think.
23238,78,4,14,Lily: What?
23239,78,4,14,Marshall: I dance... more than you think.
23240,78,4,14,Lily: I do not know how to answer that.
23241,78,4,14,"Barney did his apartment a TV studio, where Robin is presenter."
23242,78,4,14,Barney: What does it mean to be a reporter for you?
23243,78,4,14,Robin: Since I was little...
23244,78,4,14,"Barney: Cut! You're mired in details. We need you to be vague, at ease with buzzwords like ""synergy"" and ""dynamism"". You can invent a word, as... ""Relationality."""
23245,78,4,14,Robin: How does make me feel stupid commit somewhere?
23246,78,4,14,"Barney: All right. Do not do it. There are many exciting stories to cover in Canada. I just read it, the nephew of the mayor of Winnipeg went fishing on the ice and took a pole of 7 Kg Live from the worst place in the world, I'm Robin Scherbatsky."
23247,78,4,14,Robin: Rotate the camera. Connectitude.
23248,78,4,14,Barney: I like it.
23249,78,4,14,Robin: Transformatation.
23250,78,4,14,Barney: Come on!
23251,78,4,14,Robin: relationality.
23252,78,4,14,"Barney: relationality, this is mine."
23253,78,4,14,
23254,78,4,14,At the bar...
23255,78,4,14,Lily: How many dances are we talking about?
23256,78,4,14,Marshall: I know. I think... I would say... average.
23257,78,4,14,"Lily: Why do you dance much, and I do not know why?"
23258,78,4,14,"Marshall: I do that when I'm alone. When something good happens, and I'm excited and move, and I... I dunno, I want to talk about it."
23259,78,4,14,Lily: You hurt the hip like that?
23260,78,4,14,Flashback
23261,78,4,14,Marshall is at work.
23262,78,4,14,Man: You're aware of? They give us half a day. One can start at 14h.
23263,78,4,14,"Marshall: Super! Thank you, Herm."
23264,78,4,14,Marshall enters his office and dance. Then screams.
23265,78,4,14,End flashback
23266,78,4,14,"Barney, Robin returns to the living room dressed in a kimono."
23267,78,4,14,"Robin: These clothes are ridiculous. In addition, the armor of the amazon princess itch."
23268,78,4,14,"Barney: Showdown. You're not the first to wear it here. But it expresses the power. And that, too. Now, I need you break these 15 bricks with your forehead."
23269,78,4,14,Robin: What? But you do anything in your video. You were right next to a horse and sitting on a motorcycle.
23270,78,4,14,Barney: I am a man. You're a woman. Assume that you can do nothing. You must prove that society is wrong.
23271,78,4,14,Robin: I can not break 15 bricks with my forehead.
23272,78,4,14,"Barney: There is more in 1950. Yes, you can."
23273,78,4,14,Robin: I'm off.
23274,78,4,14,Barney: Why?
23275,78,4,14,Robin: It will not help me find a job. I'm going to evict. I know what to do. (Robin enters an office) This is where the auditions for the daughter of lottery?
23276,78,4,14,Ted (2030): So your Aunt Robin had hit bottom. She auditioned to be the daughter of lottery.
23277,78,4,14,Robin: And the lotto numbers for tonight are...
23278,78,4,14,Man 1: Wait... Say the text before pressing the button.
23279,78,4,14,Male 2: It creates suspense.
23280,78,4,14,Man 1: It creates suspense.
23281,78,4,14,Robin: And the lotto numbers for tonight are... 17...
23282,78,4,14,Man 2: Stop it.
23283,78,4,14,Man 1: Wait.
23284,78,4,14,Man 2: Why she says like that? It's as if she did not care so that the 17. She looks nasty.
23285,78,4,14,"Man 1: Yes, she looks super wicked. You can repeat ""17"" for us?"
23286,78,4,14,Robin: 17.
23287,78,4,14,Man 2: I even understand what it does.
23288,78,4,14,Man 1: Let me try something. Try to be a little disillusioned.
23289,78,4,14,Robin: Disillusioned? On the 17th?
23290,78,4,14,Man 1: Disillusioned with a small...
23291,78,4,14,Man 2: crackling.
23292,78,4,14,Man 1:... sparkle.
23293,78,4,14,Robin: 17.
23294,78,4,14,Man 1: It was great!
23295,78,4,14,"Lily, Ted and Marshall are in McClaren's."
23296,78,4,14,Ted: I've taken a light beer. I know the dancers count calories.
23297,78,4,14,"Marshall: It's not funny. The doctor said if it gets worse, I should have surgery."
23298,78,4,14,Ted: As a vaginal rejuvenation?
23299,78,4,14,Marshall: You know who has not made a lot of vaginas in college?
23300,78,4,14,Ted: Who?
23301,78,4,14,Marshall: Dr. X.
23302,78,4,14,Ted: It was perfect!
23303,78,4,14,"Lily: You know what? The two geniuses are going to remove that crap on their CV. You're not Dr. X, and you can not do the dunk. Forget."
23304,78,4,14,Ted: Marshall and I are the only ones here with sh1t on our resume?
23305,78,4,14,Lily: What are you insinuating?
23306,78,4,14,"Marshall: I know! Does July 4, 1995 does remind you of anything?"
23307,78,4,14,Lily: A species of b*st*rd.
23308,78,4,14,Flashback
23309,78,4,14,"In 1995, Lily enters a contest."
23310,78,4,14,"Referee: End! And the new champion with 29 hot dogs, Lily ""The Belly"" Aldrin."
23311,78,4,14,End flashback
23312,78,4,14,Ted: What it's related to your job as mistress?
23313,78,4,14,Lily: It teaches kids... I can eat a lot of hot dogs very quickly.
23314,78,4,14,"Marshall: Yes, but you can not!"
23315,78,4,14,"Lily: You can dunk over, hip cardboard!"
23316,78,4,14,Marshall: How dare you? These hips can...
23317,78,4,14,Ted: Guys!
23318,78,4,14,Robin arrives.
23319,78,4,14,Robin: I have not even been taken as the daughter of lottery. I must leave Canada.
23320,78,4,14,At the apartment...
23321,78,4,14,Lily: I think so.
23322,78,4,14,Robin: I remember the night before. They made me a farewell party. They gave me a camera to take pictures and send them home. Everyone was sure I will have much success. You will really miss.
23323,78,4,14,Barney enters the apartment.
23324,78,4,14,Barney: What's the matter?
23325,78,4,14,Ted: Robin must leave Canada.
23326,78,4,14,"Barney: Oh, my God. It's horrible. It'll be along to commute."
23327,78,4,14,Robin: What do you mean?
23328,78,4,14,Barney: I've finished your video resume myself. I posted it to all channels of the city. A guy called from Channel 8. He adores you. He wants you to pass an audition.
23329,78,4,14,Robin: My God!
23330,78,4,14,Barney: I said no. Robin Scherbatsky do not audition. He is given the job or anything.
23331,78,4,14,"Robin: So, I have the job."
23332,78,4,14,"Barney: No. He cursed me and hung up. But after Channel 12, called. They'll love it too. They offer you to host their new talk show in the morning."
23333,78,4,14,Robin: It's amazing!
23334,78,4,14,Barney: I sent them sh1t.
23335,78,4,14,Robin: Dude!
23336,78,4,14,Barney: They want you even more. So they increased their offer by 10%. Congratulations. Looks like you'll have to stay.
23337,78,4,14,Lily: You're not going to dance?
23338,78,4,14,Marshall: It's OK. Later.
23339,78,4,14,Robin: How did you do that?
23340,78,4,14,Barney: I am the master of possimpossible.
23341,78,4,14,Robin: Yes. Thank you.
23342,78,4,14,"Ted (2030): So, thanks to your uncle Barney, it was possible to keep your Aunt Robin. And the others decided it was time to drop some things. Finally, except Lily."
23343,78,4,14,"At the bar, Lily tries to beat his record."
23344,78,4,14,Marshall: That one is good. And... end! What is the total?
23345,78,4,14,Ted: 33!
23346,78,4,14,Flashback
23347,78,4,14,"1998, Monday at midnight... A man holding a sign stating hidden ""menu = Racism""."
23348,78,4,14,Ted: Why nobody comes to my events?
23349,79,4,15,The band is in McClaren's.
23350,79,4,15,Lily: Look. Three beautiful blondes drinking bad decision juice at 8am.
23351,79,4,15,Marshall: Pretty radar chest. This is my wife.
23352,79,4,15,"Barney: No, I must go."
23353,79,4,15,Lily: Seriously? They are blond and stuffed. This is not your type?
23354,79,4,15,"Barney: Maybe I did not like. My God, you think that the male spirit is really so simple, we all have a favorite type? Lord.Asian, big tits. I go to the bathroom, then I'm going."
23355,79,4,15,Lily: You noticed that Barney is weird lately?
23356,79,4,15,"Ted: Actually, yes. You know, he never gives flowers to a girl, because living things remind babies?"
23357,79,4,15,Lily: Yes.
23358,79,4,15,"Ted: The other day I saw him in a flower shop on the 82nd, he bought roses."
23359,79,4,15,Robin: What?
23360,79,4,15,"Marshall: Now that you say, Barney did something weird yesterday at the office."
23361,79,4,15,Flashback
23362,79,4,15,Barney is sitting in his office.
23363,79,4,15,"Barney: OK, to Saturday. (Marshall is in the doorway) I was thinking of a brunch, and perhaps a hike. I love you too."
23364,79,4,15,End flashback
23365,79,4,15,"Marshall: I thought he was talking to a girl he just wanted to jump. Or Ted, but now I know more."
23366,79,4,15,Lily: You think it is possible that Barney Stinson has a girlfriend?
23367,79,4,15,Barney: A plus.
23368,79,4,15,Lily: Wait. Where are you going?
23369,79,4,15,Barney: Nowhere. At the beach. It's winter. Laser Tag. At home. Shut up! It is you who are going somewhere.
23370,79,4,15,Barney leaves the bar.
23371,79,4,15,Lily: My God. He goes to see now.
23372,79,4,15,Everyone ran from the bar to catch Barney.
23373,79,4,15,They are all in a taxi and follow Barney.
23374,79,4,15,Marshall: Where is Barney?
23375,79,4,15,Ted: Yeah. It is even more in Manhattan. Where does this girl?
23376,79,4,15,Robin: We talk about a woman that Barney Stinson has worked. I vote for Narnia.
23377,79,4,15,Ted: He stops.
23378,79,4,15,Barney enters a house without knocking. Lily knocking on the door. Barney opens.
23379,79,4,15,Barney: What are you doing here?
23380,79,4,15,Lily: Where is she?
23381,79,4,15,Barney: Who?
23382,79,4,15,"Lily: Your girlfriend. You did not really like, huh?"
23383,79,4,15,"Barney: These are my friends. Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin.Guys, here is Loretta. My mother."
23384,79,4,15,Loretta: Nice to meet you. I feel I already know you. Barney can not stop talking about you every day.
23385,79,4,15,Robin: You call your mother every day?
23386,79,4,15,Barney: Mom!
23387,79,4,15,Lily: So that's what we hide you? You did not want people to know that you're a momma's boy.
23388,79,4,15,"Barney: Yes, you got me. I guess you can leave."
23389,79,4,15,A woman walks down the stairs.
23390,79,4,15,Woman: Hello.
23391,79,4,15,Robin: Hi.
23392,79,4,15,Woman: Who are these people?
23393,79,4,15,"Barney: Ted, Marshall, Lily, Robin. I present to you Betty... my wife. And my son, Tyler."
23394,79,4,15,GENERIC
23395,79,4,15,Loretta: Betty and I are going to prepare dinner. There will be something for everyone.
23396,79,4,15,"Betty: But forget, one meatloaf, after what was said Dr. Grossbard on your cholesterol."
23397,79,4,15,Barney: She wants me to live long.
23398,79,4,15,Betty: Guilty. I love you.
23399,79,4,15,Barney: Me too.
23400,79,4,15,Barney kisses.
23401,79,4,15,Tyler: Me-seven!
23402,79,4,15,"Barney: Will in, little rascal! I'll see you at the bar?"
23403,79,4,15,"Robin: What's that, Barney?"
23404,79,4,15,"Barney: It's a long story. As you know, my father had to leave my mother when I was a baby because he became presenter of the Just Price."
23405,79,4,15,Robin: Very good program.
23406,79,4,15,Marshall: Bob Barker is your father.
23407,79,4,15,"Barney: She had to raise my brother and I, all alone. And his only wish was that his son did not end up alone like her. And there seven years, she fell ill."
23408,79,4,15,Flashback
23409,79,4,15,Barney is c hospital alongside his mother.
23410,79,4,15,Barney: I do not think she was going to make. So I decided to fulfill his wish. Mom. This is Betty. We're engaged.
23411,79,4,15,End flashback
23412,79,4,15,"Barney: I hired an actress to play my girlfriend ""Betty"". His real name is Margaret. It is mainly small theaters. Superb actress.In it a Moliere. I say no more. This is political. I should not talk about it. But there is a problem. Betty has a slight tendency to improvise."
23413,79,4,15,Flashback
23414,79,4,15,"Barney: You see, Mom? I found someone who makes me happy. As you wished."
23415,79,4,15,Loretta: It's beautiful. I wish I could stay for small children.
23416,79,4,15,Betty: I'm pregnant!
23417,79,4,15,End flashback
23418,79,4,15,"Barney: And then my mother went better. It was miraculous.But I had to keep ""Betty"" and make a casting to find my son, Tyler."
23419,79,4,15,Lily: It's crazy. Did you actually cast your own son?
23420,79,4,15,"Barney: For a while, it was enough to borrow / keep the baby from neighbors. And once at Christmas, my mother was drunk at the grog, I went out with a bag of flour and a Chucky mask.But eventually I had to audition."
23421,79,4,15,Flashback
23422,79,4,15,"Many children are before Barney, with numbers."
23423,79,4,15,"Barney: four, eight... thirteen, you stay. The other, you can leave."
23424,79,4,15,"Woman: You said if I slept with you, my son would have the role."
23425,79,4,15,Barney: Apparently I'm better actor than your son. Bring those from 11!
23426,79,4,15,End flashback
23427,79,4,15,Barney's son arrives in the lounge.
23428,79,4,15,Barney: And that's how the role of Tyler went to... Grant.
23429,79,4,15,"Ted: Come on, Grant looks pretty good."
23430,79,4,15,Barney: Really? Look. Tyler? Tyler? Tyler? Grant?
23431,79,4,15,Grant: Yes?
23432,79,4,15,"Barney: You see? This is amateur work. Believe me, the child stars had better possession in the 80s."
23433,79,4,15,Lily and Marshall go down the stairs.
23434,79,4,15,Lily: It sounds like your mother kept your child's room as you had left.
23435,79,4,15,Marshall: It's a huge Karate Kid poster above your bed.
23436,79,4,15,"Barney: Karate Kid's a great movie. This is the story of a young karate enthusiast whose dreams led him to Karate Championship All Star Valley. Unfortunately, he loses in the final against another loser. But he learned an important lesson in accepting his defeat."
23437,79,4,15,"Lily: Wait. When you watch Karate Kid, you are the wicked little blonde?"
23438,79,4,15,"Barney: No, I'm for the other loser from New Jersey who barely knows karate. When I watch Karate Kid, I'm for real karate kid: Johnny Lawrence of Cobra Kai dojo. Do not get dumber than you are, Lily."
23439,79,4,15,"Ted: I just remembered where I know you. I saw you play at the theater of disorientation, Die heilige Johanna der Schlachthöfe by Bertolt Brecht, last fall. You were a revelation!"
23440,79,4,15,Betty: Really?
23441,79,4,15,Ted: Yes.
23442,79,4,15,"Betty: Thank you. I know not, finally, the purpose of Brecht's work is of course..."
23443,79,4,15,Ted and Betty:... to confuse people.
23444,79,4,15,Ted: Yes. Sorry. You got a Brechtophile before thee!
23445,79,4,15,Betty: You know it really theater.
23446,79,4,15,"Ted: Mrs Theatre has won my heart once and has never left me. Every year at Christmas, I created a piece for parents with all the kids."
23447,79,4,15,Flashback
23448,79,4,15,"Boy: Hey, Santa, do you think we can take off with this weather?"
23449,79,4,15,"Ted: Cut! Cut! Grandpa and Grandma will be there in half an hour, and you always skinned my words. I feel like I'm going to write, direct and play this thing. Give me your elf hat. Sit down."
23450,79,4,15,End flashback
23451,79,4,15,Ted: I always wanted to be an actor. It is this kind of dream that flies away with time.
23452,79,4,15,"Betty: Look, if you want, I can give you advice as an actor."
23453,79,4,15,Ted: Really?
23454,79,4,15,Betty: I would love. Rule number one player...
23455,79,4,15,"While Betty speaks with Ted, Robin sits on the couch next to Tyler."
23456,79,4,15,Grant: At least one person who still loves to play. I miss that.
23457,79,4,15,Robin: You do not like playing the son of Barney?
23458,79,4,15,Grant: I hate. But what can I do? I get no phone call.
23459,79,4,15,"Robin: I know what it is. I am a presenter. But I had to accept a job on a morning show that starts at 4:30. I thought evolve much faster than that, you know? I'm almost 30 years."
23460,79,4,15,"Grant: Come on, you're still beautiful. I love your new nose."
23461,79,4,15,Robin: I have not had surgery.
23462,79,4,15,Grant: That's it. Neither do I.
23463,79,4,15,Marshall and Lily are in the kitchen with the mother of Barney.
23464,79,4,15,Lily: I can not believe that there has never met you. Who knew that Barney's mother was so great?
23465,79,4,15,"Loretta: Thank you, darling. Actually, I was not so perfect a mother when I was younger."
23466,79,4,15,Marshall: Do not say that. I'm sure you were great.
23467,79,4,15,"Loretta: Yeah, I was rather a drag."
23468,79,4,15,Lily: I'm sorry?
23469,79,4,15,"Loretta: A drag, darling. A dirty streak. I am not proud. But...Finally, I had fun. There's no pleasure as intense as... to watch a guy in the eye and say, ""I do not know your name, and you either, but... the next eight minutes we're going to flinch foundations of this gas station toilet. "" Then to proceed in opposite directions. And just drive."
23470,79,4,15,Marshall: Barney Mom? Loretta.
23471,79,4,15,"Loretta: Finally, all this is history now. I did the best I could, but... Sometimes, I wonder how Barney was able to become so perfect."
23472,79,4,15,Marshall and Lily talk to Barney.
23473,79,4,15,"Marshall: You must tell the truth to your mother, OK? Listen, this is a nice woman, loving, a little too direct that deserves better."
23474,79,4,15,"Barney: No, no question. The truth would kill her."
23475,79,4,15,"Marshall: I do not feel well to the idea of lying to a woman so warm, OK? It reminds me of my mother. What?"
23476,79,4,15,"Lily: Warm? Remember to marriage, I said we would be together forever? On our return down the aisle, your mother leaned over and said, ""Not forever, darling. Marshall will go to heaven. """
23477,79,4,15,Marshall: She was joking.
23478,79,4,15,"Lily: She hates me, Marshall. But that's okay, because...Forget."
23479,79,4,15,Marshall: You're going to say what?
23480,79,4,15,Lily: Nothing. You want to go do it again in the bedroom of Barney?
23481,79,4,15,"Barney: On the bed ""race car""?"
23482,79,4,15,"Marshall: The handles are great. Listen, Lily, if you learned something today, is that honesty is important in a family.Whatever your feelings about my mother, we've been together for 12 years, baby. I think I can handle it."
23483,79,4,15,Lily: Really? I hate your mother.
23484,79,4,15,Marshall: You know what? I hate you!
23485,79,4,15,Marshall goes upstairs.
23486,79,4,15,"Loretta: In two minutes, meat loaf!"
23487,79,4,15,Tyler: Meatloaf? Tyler to love!
23488,79,4,15,Barney: We talked about it a million times! You get no slogan!
23489,79,4,15,Grant: But it's funny.
23490,79,4,15,Barney: I can make another cast. Will remember your sentences for the big dinner scene.
23491,79,4,15,Robin: Wait. You wrote that we will have dinner?
23492,79,4,15,Barney: Just a little script. Things that my mother will be pleased to hear.
23493,79,4,15,Robin: What kind?
23494,79,4,15,
23495,79,4,15,Everyone is at the table.
23496,79,4,15,"Betty: And I really thought that Barney had forgot our anniversary. So I rushed into the garden, smoke coming out of my ears."
23497,79,4,15,Barney: The nostrils dilated. They do it when she gets mad. I love it. As now. Like now!
23498,79,4,15,Betty: You better stop!
23499,79,4,15,"Barney: Sorry, my little bear. Continues. You really like that for a relationship."
23500,79,4,15,"Betty: So I go out raging in the garden, and... candles everywhere... and a string quartet. You come to believe?"
23501,79,4,15,"Lily: No, not at all."
23502,79,4,15,Loretta: And my boy Ty-Ty. What's new?
23503,79,4,15,"Barney: Funny story, the other night, this little rascal had a nightmare. He came to tell us what it was, you remember what you said?"
23504,79,4,15,Tyler: Well...
23505,79,4,15,Barney: Page 4...
23506,79,4,15,Tyler: The dinosaur bones at the museum have come back to life and chasing me?
23507,79,4,15,"Marshall: Thank you very much, man. Tonight I will not sleep."
23508,79,4,15,"Barney: Tyler said: ""In my nightmare, mom and you did not know how much I loved you. So I'm here to say it was great...like that. """
23509,79,4,15,Loretta: It was cute.
23510,79,4,15,Barney: We're a happy family.
23511,79,4,15,Loretta: I will take a little ice in the freezer downstairs and make the ice creams in the kitchen.
23512,79,4,15,She gets up.
23513,79,4,15,Barney: No weak link in this scene. Bravo!
23514,79,4,15,"Robin: Come on, Barney. You have no idea of the difficulty of getting a job beneath you. I really liked your tip on the bones of dinosaurs."
23515,79,4,15,Marshall: You can stop with that?
23516,79,4,15,Barney: Go and eat your ice.
23517,79,4,15,Grant: I can not. I'm lactose intolerant.
23518,79,4,15,Barney: Guess who is not lactose intolerant: Tyler. Tyler will go there and enjoy every bite.
23519,79,4,15,Loretta: It's time for ice!
23520,79,4,15,Barney: Yum!
23521,79,4,15,Loretta: My God!
23522,79,4,15,Ted and Betty kissing in the kitchen.
23523,79,4,15,Tyler: Tyler dislike.
23524,79,4,15,Barney: You're not gonna get us out a slogan.
23525,79,4,15,Loretta: I do not understand.
23526,79,4,15,"Barney: I, yes. Follow me. I... been betrayed by my best friend.How could you do that, Ted? Think of the poor Tyler who tries valiantly to hold back tears. It's good my boy, you can cry.Weep!"
23527,79,4,15,Tyler: I do not want my mom and dad divorced!
23528,79,4,15,Barney: What can you have to say for yourself?
23529,79,4,15,Flashback
23530,79,4,15,"Betty: Rule number one player: ""Do not be afraid to improvise."""
23531,79,4,15,End flashback
23532,79,4,15,"Ted: Is it I who betrayed, or that you have betrayed me?"
23533,79,4,15,Barney: Sorry. What?
23534,79,4,15,Flashback
23535,79,4,15,"Betty: Rule number 5 player: ""Invent a rich backdrop for your character. """
23536,79,4,15,End flashback
23537,79,4,15,"Ted: November 14, 1998. The night train to Monte Carlo. I was in the car pool arnaquant Algerians few thousand dinars, while thou séduisais my bride! Who is blind and took you for me."
23538,79,4,15,"Barney: For God's sake, what are you talking?"
23539,79,4,15,Flashback
23540,79,4,15,"Betty: Rule number 8 player: ""Do not be afraid to come to blows. """
23541,79,4,15,End flashback
23542,79,4,15,Ted slaps Barney.
23543,79,4,15,Ted: You know not well what I mean?
23544,79,4,15,"Barney: No, not at all."
23545,79,4,15,He slaps him again.
23546,79,4,15,"Ted: Of course I do! And for sure I'll hear you admit it, manure!"
23547,79,4,15,"Barney: Mom, you leave us a moment?"
23548,79,4,15,Loretta: There was chocolate and caramel. There are lots of kinds of noodles and marshmallows.
23549,79,4,15,She leaves the kitchen and Marshall closes the door.
23550,79,4,15,Barney: You've lost your mind?
23551,79,4,15,Betty: You were amazing! You really become that character.
23552,79,4,15,"Ted: Honestly, I played a really Ted, I tried not to be him."
23553,79,4,15,She kisses Ted.
23554,79,4,15,Barney: What's wrong with you? How do I explain this to my mother?
23555,79,4,15,Lily: It may be time to tell him the truth.
23556,79,4,15,"Marshall: I know. Sometimes, honesty leads people to say bad things about the woman who always took care of me because I was the runt of the family. For God's sake, I'm just a 92 m!"
23557,79,4,15,Robin is out with Tyler.
23558,79,4,15,Grant: How were my tears?
23559,79,4,15,"Robin: Perfect. You see? Even in a role that you hate, you manage to love what you do."
23560,79,4,15,Grant: It may be like that in your new job.
23561,79,4,15,Robin: You think so?
23562,79,4,15,Grant: I know.
23563,79,4,15,"Robin: Thank you, Grant. You're pretty smart, you know that?"
23564,79,4,15,"Grant Robin tends to its mouth, closing his eyes."
23565,79,4,15,Grant: We are sorry! I thought something was happening.
23566,79,4,15,Barney joined his mother in the living room.
23567,79,4,15,"Loretta: Honey, you okay?"
23568,79,4,15,"Barney: Mom, I've got something to tell you. Something I should have told you long ago. Tyler is dying. And Betty said that when he is gone, it will go out. So it may soon be over."
23569,79,4,15,Loretta: My God!
23570,79,4,15,Barney: None of this is true! The truth is that... Betty and Tyler are actors I hired to pretend to be my family.
23571,79,4,15,Loretta: What?
23572,79,4,15,"Barney: I just wanted you to think I had the life you wanted for me. I wanted you to be proud of me. It sounds crazy, and I'm sorry, Mom."
23573,79,4,15,"Loretta: Well, Betty is not your wife?"
23574,79,4,15,Barney: No.
23575,79,4,15,Loretta: thank you God! I do not like this woman.
23576,79,4,15,Barney: Really?
23577,79,4,15,"Loretta: Yes. And Tyler... I know I am his grandmother and I'm supposed to love him, but I hate him. ""Tyler not love! ""What does that mean?"
23578,79,4,15,Barney: Is it not?
23579,79,4,15,"Loretta: With your fake friends over there, I wanted to shoot myself."
23580,79,4,15,"Barney: I know! They are not horrible? So really, you angry with me?"
23581,79,4,15,"Loretta: I'm confused. I do not know why you thought having to do that. I love you, perfect family or not. I love you, no matter what."
23582,79,4,15,Barney: Really?
23583,79,4,15,Loretta: Really.
23584,79,4,15,"Barney: I'm really relieved because in reality, I am also far from being a married man can be. My stories with women you would shock and horrify you."
23585,79,4,15,Loretta: Whatever. I love you always.
23586,79,4,15,"Barney: Seriously, you can not imagine what I could do."
23587,79,4,15,"Loretta: When you were 3 years old, I left you with a babysitter and spent three weeks with Grand Funk Railroad, from one guy to another like a bang."
23588,79,4,15,Barney: Mom!
23589,79,4,15,"Loretta: Promise me one thing. If ever you meet someone special, do not run away. Do not like me. Take a chance, okay?"
23590,79,4,15,Robin opened the door.
23591,79,4,15,Robin: The taxi is here.
23592,79,4,15,Barney: I'll try.
23593,79,4,15,"They are all in a taxi, except Ted."
23594,79,4,15,Ted (2030): Thus ended one of the strangest afternoons of our lives.
23595,79,4,15,"Lily: And I just wanted to say, if I was never cold or distant, I'm sorry."
23596,79,4,15,Robin: Who speaks it?
23597,79,4,15,Marshall: My mother.
23598,79,4,15,Lily: It mean a lot to me if we could be closer.
23599,79,4,15,Ted and Betty is in another taxi.
23600,79,4,15,Betty: Breathe loudly as if the result would be hard to say. I love you.
23601,79,4,15,Lily: I love you...
23602,79,4,15,Ted: Mom...
23603,79,4,15,He is also on the phone.
23604,79,4,15,Lily:... Mom.
23605,79,4,15,Betty: Do like I was nice.
23606,79,4,15,"Lily: Do like I was nice. I mean, it's really nice of you, Judy.You too. See you soon."
23607,79,4,15,"Marshall, Lily, Barney, Robin and Ted are in McClaren's."
23608,79,4,15,"Marshall: That I understand that. You tell me when you watch Karate Kid, you're not in San Daniel?"
23609,79,4,15,Barney: Nope!
23610,79,4,15,Ted: Who do you like in Die Hard?
23611,79,4,15,"Barney: Hans Gruber, the villain class. At the end, it is trapped.This is the title character."
23612,79,4,15,"Lily: OK, and Breakfast Club?"
23613,79,4,15,Barney: The teacher who is watching. This is the only one who passes the whole movie in a suit.
23614,79,4,15,Robin: I have one. Terminator.
23615,79,4,15,"Barney: What is the title, Robin? Who among us has not shed a tear when his small red eye goes to the end and he can not kill these people? Sorry. The film..."
23616,79,4,15,Ted: I'll watch the film again with you.
23617,79,4,15,Barney: They even try to help!
23618,80,4,16,"Ted (2030): In 2009, your Aunt Robin had a morning show.She had to get up early enough. At what point?"
23619,80,4,16,"1:45, Robin joined Barney, Ted, Marshall and Lily to McClaren's."
23620,80,4,16,"Robin: Hello, everyone."
23621,80,4,16,Marshall: So you do really? You really gonna go to work at 2am.
23622,80,4,16,Robin: I do not for me. I do it for the fans.
23623,80,4,16,Marshall: Who is a fan of a program broadcast at 4am?
23624,80,4,16,Lily: Those with a show at 5am?
23625,80,4,16,Ted: The addicts who have not sold their TV?
23626,80,4,16,Barney: The strippers in this weird time between work and waking the children?
23627,80,4,16,Robin: They are. Put me know. It's been what?
23628,80,4,16,"Marshall: You know, as usual."
23629,80,4,16,"Barney: Really, as usual.? Think the funniest thing that ever happened."
23630,80,4,16,Robin: It's good.
23631,80,4,16,Barney: And twice that.
23632,80,4,16,Robin: So a chimpanzee wearing two tuxedos?
23633,80,4,16,Barney: Something even funnier happened to Marshall today.
23634,80,4,16,"Marshall: First, nothing is funnier than that. Then it's not such a good story."
23635,80,4,16,"Robin: Come on, guys. You are four young people active in the most exciting city in the world. And you have nothing to tell me?"
23636,80,4,16,Lily: What do you want? Sometimes it's like that. The same thing over and over again. One of my students ate glue.
23637,80,4,16,Barney: I have used questionable methods to skip a very silly girl.
23638,80,4,16,"Ted: My ex, Karen, is in New York. The usual routine."
23639,80,4,16,Lily: Karen is here?
23640,80,4,16,Barney: You're kidding me!
23641,80,4,16,"Ted (2030): Children, I think you talked about Karen."
23642,80,4,16,Flashback
23643,80,4,16,"Ted (2030): It was my girlfriend in high school and at times in college. She was beautiful, intelligent. I was crazy in love with her. The only problem, Marshall and Lily were not. It should probably come out of this as soon as we opened."
23644,80,4,16,"Ted is on his bed, kissing a girl while Lily and Marshall are playing cards."
23645,80,4,16,Karen: I like you live in a dorm. It's so American. Like eating rotten sandwiches and be racist.
23646,80,4,16,End flashback
23647,80,4,16,"Lily: My God, it was a real idiot."
23648,80,4,16,"Marshall: Dude, the gold medal of the andouille de Vire."
23649,80,4,16,Ted: It was not that bad.
23650,80,4,16,"Lily: Of course, for you. You had it turned into a zombie of andouille."
23651,80,4,16,"Marshall: I want to eat your brain, but only if it is organic and free range."
23652,80,4,16,Ted: What?
23653,80,4,16,Flashback
23654,80,4,16,"Marshall, Lily, Ted and Karen eat in the room of Ted and Marshall."
23655,80,4,16,Lily: You pass me the salt?
23656,80,4,16,Karen: The salt? It's so bourgeois.
23657,80,4,16,Ted: Bluntly.
23658,80,4,16,"Marshall is lying on his bed, wearing Ted and Karen's books next."
23659,80,4,16,Karen: What is this?
23660,80,4,16,Marshall: It's... a TV.
23661,80,4,16,Karen: I not watch TV.
23662,80,4,16,Ted: Bluntly.
23663,80,4,16,Karen: You thought I would buy tickets to WrestleMania? It was ironic.
23664,80,4,16,Ted: Bluntly.
23665,80,4,16,Marshall (disguised): I know... you was ironic. Me too... I'm ironic.
23666,80,4,16,Lily (arriving disguised): Let's go! What?
23667,80,4,16,End flashback
23668,80,4,16,Marshall: This makeup has one month to go. I met with parents of Lily. I have never looked so stupid.
23669,80,4,16,"Barney: So far. Tells the story, tells the story!"
23670,80,4,16,Marshall: Get off me!
23671,80,4,16,Robin: Wait. It's really funny?
23672,80,4,16,"Barney: I'm not kidding. I almost do not want you to hear, because really, for the rest of your life, nothing will ever be as fun and you, curse you for agreeing to hear. You gotta hear it.This is too funny."
23673,80,4,16,Marshall: Okay.
23674,80,4,16,Flashback
23675,80,4,16,Marshall is in the locker room with his colleagues.
23676,80,4,16,Marshall: This morning I was in the gymnasium of the box to play basketball. The guys from work can be quite violent with their taunts.
23677,80,4,16,Bilson: Look Wisniewski. He will cry. Look at him.
23678,80,4,16,Man: Look at him.
23679,80,4,16,Marshall: I think that the knees are made to bend like that. He may have torn his cruciate ligament.
23680,80,4,16,"Bilson: Dude, all that he has torn, that's her uterus or maybe her hymen."
23681,80,4,16,"Man: Yeah, or the fallopian tube."
23682,80,4,16,End flashback
23683,80,4,16,"Marshall: I can be a bit watered down dialogue, whatever..."
23684,80,4,16,Flashback
23685,80,4,16,Marshall: I searched my bag to get my stuff working...
23686,80,4,16,End flashback
23687,80,4,16,Barney: Wait. Expect. I want to say.
23688,80,4,16,Marshall: Okay. Say it.
23689,80,4,16,"Barney: He searched his bag to get his stuff, and... No, say it.It's more fun if you say so. Let me say it. No, say it. You say.Say it. At the same time. No, go ahead."
23690,80,4,16,Marshall: I forgot...
23691,80,4,16,Barney: He forgot his pants!
23692,80,4,16,Flashback
23693,80,4,16,Marshall is in shorts in the corridors of his job. He enters his office.
23694,80,4,16,End flashback
23695,80,4,16,Barney: He forgot his pants.
23696,80,4,16,GENERIC
23697,80,4,16,"Robin: He forgot his pants. It's pretty funny. Less than a chimpanzee wearing two tuxedos. I mean, he... he forgot that he was already one? Moron, the monkey."
23698,80,4,16,"Ted: So, Karen in New York. Bizarre, no?"
23699,80,4,16,Lily: You can not get back with Karen.
23700,80,4,16,Ted: I never said I'd do that. I thought it arrives. That would be the worst disaster if I called?
23701,80,4,16,"Marshall: It is not the worst, no. That would be the fourth worst.1: Super volcano. 2: An asteroid falls to Earth. 3: Any record of Evel Knievel is lost. 4: Ted called Karen. 5: Lily is eaten by a shark."
23702,80,4,16,"Lily: My name is Lily and I approve this order. You know the story. Ted and Karen had a rocky relationship in college. It always happened like this. They were having fun, being obnoxious until one day..."
23703,80,4,16,Flashback
23704,80,4,16,Ted enters her room with a pizza.
23705,80,4,16,"Ted: You find pepperoni fascist and you're so right, so... (He finds Karen in bed with another) Oh, my God! Karen!"
23706,80,4,16,"Man: Sorry, dude."
23707,80,4,16,"Karen: Before you say a word, I think you should read Les Fleurs du Mal by Baudelaire."
23708,80,4,16,End flashback
23709,80,4,16,"Marshall: After that, they broke. Ted was totally depressed, and we waited the necessary time to tell him what we thought of it."
23710,80,4,16,Flashback
23711,80,4,16,Ted: I broke up with Karen.
23712,80,4,16,Lily: They hated it!
23713,80,4,16,"Marshall: Bye bye, the slut!"
23714,80,4,16,End flashback
23715,80,4,16,Lily: Then Ted went up the noggin and took the bus to Providence to tell Karen's four truths.
23716,80,4,16,Flashback
23717,80,4,16,Marshall: How was it?
23718,80,4,16,Ted: Super. Look who's here!
23719,80,4,16,Marshall and Lily: Karen.
23720,80,4,16,End flashback
23721,80,4,16,"Lily: And finally, all over again from scratch."
23722,80,4,16,Flashback
23723,80,4,16,"Ted: It's gonna be 10,002 Maniacs, because I have tickets to Natalie Merchant..."
23724,80,4,16,He finds Karen still in bed with a man.
23725,80,4,16,"Man: Sorry, dude."
23726,80,4,16,End flashback
23727,80,4,16,"Robin: She came to see you in college and when you had my back turned, she brought the guys in your room?"
23728,80,4,16,Barney: Respect.
23729,80,4,16,"Ted: I was an idiot. It was my first real girlfriend. I was crazy about her. We've all done things we regret in college. In the third year, Marshall has grown the goatee, wearing a beret and Rasta required to be called MJ Cool."
23730,80,4,16,Marshall: I regret it at all.
23731,80,4,16,Ted: So you really think that I should not call?
23732,80,4,16,Robin: No.
23733,80,4,16,Marshall: Go back in your little head it.
23734,80,4,16,"Ted: OK, OK. Interesting information: it is already done."
23735,80,4,16,Lily: Are you kidding!
23736,80,4,16,Barney: The pants!
23737,80,4,16,Lily: I can not believe that thou hast called. Why do not you invite him to lunch as you're at it?
23738,80,4,16,Ted: Because I will not invite him to lunch... again.
23739,80,4,16,Lily: You have to lunch?
23740,80,4,16,Marshall: Why do you want to lunch with an ex?
23741,80,4,16,"Barney: Good question, there are four reasons for a ""meal ex '.1: They want to get back together."
23742,80,4,16,"Lily: As my high school boyfriend, Scooter."
23743,80,4,16,Flashback
23744,80,4,16,A man arrives with flowers in the restaurant where Lily is already.
23745,80,4,16,"Lily: The Lilium, not stupid. Sorry, I have no scooter for you."
23746,80,4,16,Scooter: This is super funny! I forgot your humor.
23747,80,4,16,Lily: It is this server?
23748,80,4,16,"Scooter: Why? You like the servers? I can be a waiter. I will become the best server in the world, and you'll love me!"
23749,80,4,16,End flashback
23750,80,4,16,Barney: 2: They want to kill you. As my lunch with Wendy.
23751,80,4,16,Flashback
23752,80,4,16,Barney is the restaurant with Wendy.
23753,80,4,16,"Wendy: Happy is that way at last. You know, after you have rejected nine times, I almost drop."
23754,80,4,16,"Barney: But you did not do it, you've continued to insist."
23755,80,4,16,"Wendy: Actually, there is one thing I wanted to give you."
23756,80,4,16,Barney: Gun! She's got a gun!
23757,80,4,16,He runs away.
23758,80,4,16,Wendy: It's a tie!
23759,80,4,16,End flashback
23760,80,4,16,Barney: 3: They make you really want your business.
23761,80,4,16,Robin: As my lunch with Curt.
23762,80,4,16,Flashback
23763,80,4,16,
23764,80,4,16,Robin is the restaurant with Curt.
23765,80,4,16,"Curt: Actually, there is one thing I wanted to give you."
23766,80,4,16,He pulls out a gun and gives it.
23767,80,4,16,"Robin: My short-barreled 38 Special Police! I knew that I had left it somewhere. Every time I watch the news, I pray it is not my gun."
23768,80,4,16,Curt: We did well to break.
23769,80,4,16,End flashback
23770,80,4,16,Barney: Or four: You taunt with their success.
23771,80,4,16,Marshall: As my lunch with Nicole Barsamian.
23772,80,4,16,Robin: Who is Nicole Barsamian?
23773,80,4,16,Marshall: My ex.
23774,80,4,16,Flashback
23775,80,4,16,"Marshall is at school, at dinner with a girl."
23776,80,4,16,"Marshall: Hi, Nicole."
23777,80,4,16,Nicole: You look good.
23778,80,4,16,Marshall: You look pretty.
23779,80,4,16,Nicole: I see someone.
23780,80,4,16,Marshall: Already? Who?
23781,80,4,16,Nicole: Lee Roberts. He already reads like a CM2.
23782,80,4,16,End flashback
23783,80,4,16,Marshall: You must cancel the luncheon.
23784,80,4,16,"Ted: I'd do that, of course... if he had not already occurred."
23785,80,4,16,"Lily: Robin, I will have to borrow the butt of your gun."
23786,80,4,16,Robin: I still lost. You come to believe?
23787,80,4,16,Lily: How can you break bread with this chick?
23788,80,4,16,Ted: It was a lunch and not eat wheat. It was nice to be back.We even laughed at the idiots we were.
23789,80,4,16,Flashback
23790,80,4,16,"Ted is the restaurant with Karen, his ex."
23791,80,4,16,Karen: Say I had a beret different every day.
23792,80,4,16,Ted: Say I had a picture of Moliere on my backpack.
23793,80,4,16,Karen: It was pretentious.
23794,80,4,16,Ted: Bluntly pretentious.
23795,80,4,16,Waiter: What would you like?
23796,80,4,16,"Karen: I want to make a scene, but in your list of wines, there is a Chateauneuf-du-Pape listed under ""Côtes de Provence"".You should tell your waiter."
23797,80,4,16,Waiter: And for you?
23798,80,4,16,"Ted: I hate change, but take us brushettes and fresh mozzarella. Grazie."
23799,80,4,16,End flashback
23800,80,4,16,Ted: It was great. There was an odd moment near the end.
23801,80,4,16,"Robin: How to say goodbye in these situations? A kiss on the cheek, too familiar. A handshake, too formal."
23802,80,4,16,Barney: And a hug is like a hug in public.
23803,80,4,16,Marshall: You must embrace strangely.
23804,80,4,16,Lily: What has happened?
23805,80,4,16,Ted: So...
23806,80,4,16,Flashback
23807,80,4,16,"Karen: Schopenhauer had a discussion daring, in which he opposed..."
23808,80,4,16,Ted kisses her.
23809,80,4,16,End flashback
23810,80,4,16,"Lily: Ted, darling. Go outside and bite the curb. I arrive in 1 minute."
23811,80,4,16,"Ted: Karen was the first girl I really loved. And after the year I had, I dunno, I think of lunch with her reminded me what it was to turn 18 and life ahead. And I would remind everyone that at least I was wearing pants."
23812,80,4,16,Marshall: You can not change the subject like that.
23813,80,4,16,Robin: The pants.
23814,80,4,16,Barney: The pants! The pants!
23815,80,4,16,"Marshall: It was nothing! I had a small problem, so I called Lily."
23816,80,4,16,"Barney: Tell us, what was this concern?"
23817,80,4,16,Marshall: I forgot my pants.
23818,80,4,16,Flashback
23819,80,4,16,"At school, Lily is on the phone."
23820,80,4,16,Lily: What do you mean you forgot your pants?
23821,80,4,16,Marshall: I forgot. You have a bringest me.
23822,80,4,16,Lily: And the spare.
23823,80,4,16,"Marshall: Last Thursday, the mustard? You have a goldfish memory."
23824,80,4,16,End flashback
23825,80,4,16,"Lily: Ted, you're not going out so easily. While the history of pants is fun..."
23826,80,4,16,"Barney: Fun? Rather, very fun."
23827,80,4,16,Lily: That's nothing compared to this crazy thing with Karen.Ends.
23828,80,4,16,Ted: That's all. It was just a kiss in a restaurant.
23829,80,4,16,"Lily: Why do you say ""the restaurant""? You've embraced elsewhere?"
23830,80,4,16,"Ted: As in a tree? No, it was not done in a tree. What is his problem?"
23831,80,4,16,Marshall: You did what?
23832,80,4,16,Flashback
23833,80,4,16,"Ted and Karen return to the apartment, with a kiss."
23834,80,4,16,End flashback
23835,80,4,16,Barney: How could you?
23836,80,4,16,"Lily: Marshall forgot his pants today, and yet you are the stupidest in this table."
23837,80,4,16,"Ted: Lily, let's be honest. We know both your motives. You hate Karen because she lingered."
23838,80,4,16,Lily: Asshole.
23839,80,4,16,Robin: What do you mean by linger?
23840,80,4,16,"Lily: February 5,... In 1998. I painted..."
23841,80,4,16,Flashback
23842,80,4,16,Lily Marshall painted while laying bare. Karen enters the room.
23843,80,4,16,"Karen: I'm sorry. Sorry. (She goes out then comes back) The color palette is a bit derivative of the first Van Gogh, right?"
23844,80,4,16,End flashback
23845,80,4,16,"Lily: Ted Horn, critique my painting, anything, that's your business. But I catch you eyeing the mess of my guy and you lingered? You'll be received well."
23846,80,4,16,Robin: The game is the game
23847,80,4,16,"Marshall: In his defense, I had just the muscle."
23848,80,4,16,Ted: Why paint naked?
23849,80,4,16,"Lily: He had eaten my fruit bowl. The fact is that Karen is a dirty pervert, you can not bring into our lives."
23850,80,4,16,"Ted: Relax, it was just one night! And three after. And one morning. But at least I had pants. Even if, in fact, I had not."
23851,80,4,16,Robin: It happened to us? Where was I?
23852,80,4,16,Ted: You know the sleeping pills you take for your crazy schedule? They are stronger than you think.
23853,80,4,16,Flashback
23854,80,4,16,"Ted and Karen kissing on the couch, then rises to the room of it."
23855,80,4,16,Robin La Fontaine sends the puck to Turgeon. (She sleeps on the desk in the lounge) draws Turgeon. Judgment of the mitten.
23856,80,4,16,Ted and Karen kissing on the couch again.
23857,80,4,16,Robin: Do not worry. I will say nothing to Marshall.
23858,80,4,16,Karen: I'll have a beer. You want one? A beer. I decanted Bordeaux.
23859,80,4,16,"Robin is lying in the kitchen, half asleep and eat."
23860,80,4,16,End flashback
23861,80,4,16,"Barney: Ted, that's for sure, it's fun to look back when you were a farm girl fresh complexion and a virgin. But all that stuff... Ohio, Karen, in college... it was A.S. ""Before Stinson."" Now your life is great! Okay, you still live with your ex, which is ridiculous. Laser tag your skills are almost nonexistent. And your wardrobe, it's like, what, you're allergic to fabric quality?Seriously, pull yourself together. What are we talking?"
23862,80,4,16,Robin: What is the result with the bimbo?
23863,80,4,16,"Marshall: It's a foregone conclusion. Ted is Charlie Brown trying to shoot and Karen, it's Lucy who takes away the ball at the last second and sleeping with. You have understood me.Ted falls in love, and Karen is going wrong with a playboy, who says... ""Sorry, dude."""
23864,80,4,16,"Ted: False! You got to let the right answer in your pants, because that's exactly what did not happen."
23865,80,4,16,Ted (2030): Because that's what happened.
23866,80,4,16,Flashback
23867,80,4,16,Ted and Karen are in bed and kiss.
23868,80,4,16,Ted (2030): An afternoon at Karen.
23869,80,4,16,A man enters the room and discovers Karen with Ted.
23870,80,4,16,Man: My God. How could you?
23871,80,4,16,"Ted: Sorry, dude."
23872,80,4,16,"Ted (2030): This time, the playboy with whom she deceived..."
23873,80,4,16,End flashback
23874,80,4,16,Ted: That was me. Me. The one time Marshall forgot his pants?
23875,80,4,16,"Marshall: Damn! Stop changing the subject. You have gone too far. You are complicit in breaking the heart of this poor guy.And you, you are best placed to know how it feels."
23876,80,4,16,Robin: You really do speak of your pants?
23877,80,4,16,Marshall: What?
23878,80,4,16,"Barney: Pant, pant..."
23879,80,4,16,Marshall: Okay! Lily came to the office to bring me my pants...
23880,80,4,16,Barney: Why she did this?
23881,80,4,16,Marshall: Because I forgot.
23882,80,4,16,Flashback
23883,80,4,16,Lily out of the elevator and crosses Barney.
23884,80,4,16,"Barney: Lily, what are you doing here?"
23885,80,4,16,Lily: I just give something to Marshall.
23886,80,4,16,"Barney: He ""give"" something. Understood. Nice."
23887,80,4,16,Lily: But I'm in a hurry. I can give it to you?
23888,80,4,16,"Barney: Of course, yes."
23889,80,4,16,Lily: And you give him?
23890,80,4,16,Barney: Wait. I do not know. Yours had better be really good.
23891,80,4,16,Lily: What are you talking?
23892,80,4,16,Barney: What about you?
23893,80,4,16,"Lily: Marshall forgot his pants, so I brought him one."
23894,80,4,16,"Barney: He forgot his pants. Good thing you came because today it has an important meeting, and it would be embarrassing and not at all funny if it were to show no pants. I will make sure he has."
23895,80,4,16,Lily: Awesome. Thank you.
23896,80,4,16,End flashback
23897,80,4,16,Ted: And you did not give him.
23898,80,4,16,"Barney: Theodore Evelyn Mosby. Of course I gave him. I gave him my word. It is concrete. For cons, I made a few alterations."
23899,80,4,16,Flashback
23900,80,4,16,Barney cut Marshall's pants. Marshall is in a meeting.
23901,80,4,16,Marshall: As you can see on page 44 of the contract...
23902,80,4,16,Bilson: Since when you are in AC / DC?
23903,80,4,16,Marshall: You can look at page 44 of the contract?
23904,80,4,16,Man: Auditions for Oliver Twist are down!
23905,80,4,16,"Barney: Please, can I have more... pants?"
23906,80,4,16,End flashback
23907,80,4,16,Barney laughs alone.
23908,80,4,16,Barney: More...
23909,80,4,16,Robin: Is that all? It's the story?
23910,80,4,16,Marshall: What has happened to Karen?
23911,80,4,16,"Lily: I'll finish for you. Ted left without saying anything, and Karen got exactly what she wanted."
23912,80,4,16,Ted: Not this time.
23913,80,4,16,Flashback
23914,80,4,16,"In Karen, Ted gets dressed."
23915,80,4,16,Ted: You have a boyfriend?
23916,80,4,16,Karen: It's a moment you move away. I intended to break.
23917,80,4,16,"Ted: You're unbelievable. You do not have the guts to break up with someone decent. So, you've preferred to ride it all."
23918,80,4,16,"Karen: OK, you're right. I'm good in literature. Gifted in art.Good at identifying a French wine for less than a kilometer from where the grapes grew. But... I'm really bad to watch someone and say what I feel."
23919,80,4,16,Ted: We're both zero for that. But... I think we need to change.Why do not I would start? You are really hurtful and reckless.Goodbye.
23920,80,4,16,"Karen: Ted, wait. In fact, ""good bye"" means ""until we see each other again."" So I guess you mean that in fact, we'll meet again?"
23921,80,4,16,"Ted: Sorry, dude."
23922,80,4,16,End flashback
23923,80,4,16,Robin: I am impressed. For you too have worn it all day?
23924,80,4,16,Marshall: It shows my calves.
23925,80,4,16,Barney: The pants. Still tells.
23926,80,4,16,"Lily: You know, this is perhaps good that you called Karen."
23927,80,4,16,"Ted: Of course. And that for me, too. Later, she spoke with Jerry, and the discussion was that it avoided breaking with me."
23928,80,4,16,"Ted (2030): You see, children, sometimes when you have to have a difficult discussion, the better to do..."
23929,80,4,16,Lily: Wait a minute. You said that you never reparlerais him?So how do you know she has followed your advice?
23930,80,4,16,"Ted: Right. On this subject... After breaking up with this guy, we went out, we slept since we're together. It's really okay, this time it's different. Here it is. Be nice!"
23931,81,4,17,"Ted and Karen arrive at McClaren's where Marshall, Robin, Lily and Barney are already installed."
23932,81,4,17,"Ted (2030): In March 2009, I went out a few weeks with my high school girlfriend, Karen. My friends were not really happy."
23933,81,4,17,Karen: Hi all.
23934,81,4,17,All: Hi.
23935,81,4,17,"Ted: Sorry, can not stay."
23936,81,4,17,Barney: It's unfortunate!
23937,81,4,17,Robin: Disgusted!
23938,81,4,17,Karen: They are real diamonds?
23939,81,4,17,"Robin: Yes. Yes, absolutely. Thank you."
23940,81,4,17,Karen: I did not say that I loved.
23941,81,4,17,Robin: I got a great deal...
23942,81,4,17,Karen: I'm sure that minors exploited in Sierra Leone you would type in five if they still had their fingers. But it's nice.Meet me at the top.
23943,81,4,17,Karen part.
23944,81,4,17,Robin: They need a finger to do what I think.
23945,81,4,17,"Marshall: Ted, Karen is an idiot."
23946,81,4,17,Ted: Nice set of forms.
23947,81,4,17,Marshall: I put the forms there.
23948,81,4,17,"Ted: Believe it or not, my friends do not have a say on which I frequent. This is my life. I decide."
23949,81,4,17,Karen: Now!
23950,81,4,17,Ted: I arrive.
23951,81,4,17,"Following the call from Karen, he left."
23952,81,4,17,"Barney: I do not know what it is, this shrew. Okay, she has boobs, but... In fact, I see."
23953,81,4,17,Lily: That's because he met her in high school. This is his first girlfriend.
23954,81,4,17,"Marshall: For us, Karen is an idiot. For him, this is the first to have touched his pen1s in hand himself, his mother and pediatrician."
23955,81,4,17,Robin: It's almost 2am. I must work.
23956,81,4,17,"Lily: How can they call it a ""daily""? 4h, it's still the middle of the night. You impressed me."
23957,81,4,17,"Robin: It's been almost a month. I'm used to. And then the show is not bad, right?"
23958,81,4,17,Marshall: That is clear.
23959,81,4,17,Barney: I've never seen.
23960,81,4,17,Robin: You've ever watched?
23961,81,4,17,Marshall: Sure!
23962,81,4,17,Barney: I've never seen.
23963,81,4,17,Robin: Your favorite item?
23964,81,4,17,Marshall: Weather.
23965,81,4,17,Barney: I've never seen.
23966,81,4,17,Robin: Have you ever looked.
23967,81,4,17,Marshall: Sorry.
23968,81,4,17,Barney: I just said.
23969,81,4,17,"Robin: I know, this is basic and bland, and it is smaller audiences than the Korean channel that does that Kim Jong Il by the horse. But, friends, it would touch me to know that at least once you look."
23970,81,4,17,"Marshall: You know what? This Friday, everyone will come home at 3:30. We leave the pajamas and watch his show."
23971,81,4,17,Robin: You're the best.
23972,81,4,17,Lily: We want to encourage you.
23973,81,4,17,"Friday, 3:30, Marshall, Lily and Barney are in the lounge."
23974,81,4,17,Lily: I just want to sleep!
23975,81,4,17,Marshall: I hate Robin not to have done better.
23976,81,4,17,Ted arrives.
23977,81,4,17,"Ted: Hi, guys. Bad news: I was Karen plated. Go ahead."
23978,81,4,17,Marshall: I knew you were listening!
23979,81,4,17,GENERIC
23980,81,4,17,"Barney: We should not celebrate. Ted has just been dumped.Tell us everything, everything that happened. Seriously, do not forget any details. She said what? You, you said what? How you going? If you had to redo it from start, perhaps you...?"
23981,81,4,17,Lily: How did that happen?
23982,81,4,17,"Ted: This is totally stupid. We were together, you know, we laughed..."
23983,81,4,17,Flashback
23984,81,4,17,Ted and Karen are sitting on the bed and pillows are a battle.
23985,81,4,17,Ted: It's you who love the Chianti 2002.
23986,81,4,17,"Karen: No, it's you who love the Chianti 2002. Expect. What is this?"
23987,81,4,17,Ted: Looks like the earring Robin. Bizarre. It's you...
23988,81,4,17,Karen: What's she doing here?
23989,81,4,17,Ted: I know.
23990,81,4,17,Karen: Have you slept with Robin?
23991,81,4,17,Ted: What? Of course not! She had to be found in the laundry.
23992,81,4,17,Karen: Why I believe you?
23993,81,4,17,"Ted: Maybe because I've always been faithful, when thou hast deceived me 6 times, bitch."
23994,81,4,17,End flashback
23995,81,4,17,Marshall: In your face!
23996,81,4,17,Ted: Right? I too would have said that.
23997,81,4,17,Flashback
23998,81,4,17,Karen: Why I believe you?
23999,81,4,17,"Ted: Maybe because I've always been faithful, while you... I love you..."
24000,81,4,17,Karen: I knew it was a mistake. It's good. It's over.
24001,81,4,17,End flashback
24002,81,4,17,Ted: That's it. She's gone.
24003,81,4,17,Barney: What a story. What courage to share it with us.
24004,81,4,17,Lily: Wait. That's your pajamas? You sleep in pajamas suit?
24005,81,4,17,Barney: Of course. You think I'm sleeping in it?
24006,81,4,17,Ted: A coffin.
24007,81,4,17,Marshall: It's not look comfortable at all. You wear a tie.
24008,81,4,17,"Barney: First, it's a tie night. Second, it's not for comfort. This class is to be at any time."
24009,81,4,17,Marshall: Why have the class at any time?
24010,81,4,17,Barney: Let me tell you a story that happened to me recently.
24011,81,4,17,Flashback
24012,81,4,17,Barney is sleeping in his bed. He gets up and opens the door.
24013,81,4,17,"Woman 1: It is a contest of ""who is the hottest,"" and it was stained with massage oil."
24014,81,4,17,Woman 2: Super pajamas.
24015,81,4,17,Woman 1: You can use your shower?
24016,81,4,17,End flashback
24017,81,4,17,"Ted: It's not an anecdote, it's a porno."
24018,81,4,17,"Lily: This is not ""a"" skin flick, it's the scene... Forget it."
24019,81,4,17,"Barney: But it could happen. If it happened and I was in top form for these oiled bitches, I would regret it."
24020,81,4,17,"Marshall: Sorry, dude, but it is the nightwear most ridiculous I've seen in my life. Finally..."
24021,81,4,17,"Barney: Marshall wearing a nightgown! He wears a nightgown! You know when they say, ""Remember, he was wearing a nightgown? ""It is now! This is a nightgown. Call it, ""Held danger of Ninja,"" if you want. You stay still a transvestite."
24022,81,4,17,Marshall: I do not care. It's comfortable.
24023,81,4,17,"Barney: Nice to fly to Neverland with Peter Pan? Me, again! It was nice to get out of bed to accompany Charlie to the chocolate? Oh, me, me! Something about Scrooge! Come on, guys. I do all the work."
24024,81,4,17,"Ted: I know. I live with Marshall for 12 years. Every time I put something, it's a victory."
24025,81,4,17,Ted folds his clothes in the room.
24026,81,4,17,"Lily: Ted, it will start!"
24027,81,4,17,Ted: I arrive.
24028,81,4,17,Ted is an earring on Robin bedroom dresser.
24029,81,4,17,The show starts Robin.
24030,81,4,17,"Robin: Hello, New York. I'm Robin..."
24031,81,4,17,Ted mutes.
24032,81,4,17,"Ted: Marshall, I found an earring Robin on your dresser. You know why the other was in my bed?"
24033,81,4,17,Marshall: What are you talking?
24034,81,4,17,Ted: You hate Karen. You told me to break it. It's you. Did you put the loop in my bed for Karen to find.
24035,81,4,17,Marshall: I would never...
24036,81,4,17,Ted: Admit it!
24037,81,4,17,Marshall: There's nothing to admit!
24038,81,4,17,Ted: Why was it on your dresser?
24039,81,4,17,Barney: It is pretty!
24040,81,4,17,"Ted: I swear, if you tell me the truth on the field..."
24041,81,4,17,Lily: Wait! Marshall did nothing. It's me. I made you break.
24042,81,4,17,Ted: You made me break with Karen? Are you sick? What right did you do that?
24043,81,4,17,Lily: I did it for your own good. You do not see how it was horrible. She failed the test of the porch.
24044,81,4,17,Ted: What is this test?
24045,81,4,17,"Lily: You, Me and Marshall are friends since college. Imagine how they account for one another. So when I look to the future, I see us all together. (Lily imagines the scene) When will retirees, sipping tea on the porch of our house, playing bridge all day."
24046,81,4,17,"Marshall, Lily and Ted are on the porch of a house and play cards."
24047,81,4,17,"Lily, old: Bridges are wild. A bridge of four beats a royal bridge."
24048,81,4,17,"Ted, old: I see your bridges and I raise of 3 bridges."
24049,81,4,17,"Marshall, old: Bridge! I won!"
24050,81,4,17,"Barney: You know not to play bridge, eh?"
24051,81,4,17,Lily: It will take over.
24052,81,4,17,Marshall: It's important to stay active.
24053,81,4,17,"Lily: So whenever you go out with someone for a while, I take the test of the porch. How that person will fit over the years?And when I think of Karen..."
24054,81,4,17,"Marshall, old: Bridge! I won!"
24055,81,4,17,"Karen, old: Fantastic. Yet the bridge. Especially, not reading."
24056,81,4,17,"Ted, old: Look, darling... dolphins."
24057,81,4,17,"Karen, old: They seem happy. Apparently, the chemical releases of this property have not yet elitist rotten their vents. It will happen. This water will kill you. A real trap toxic."
24058,81,4,17,"Lily, old: I'm going swimming."
24059,81,4,17,"Marshall, old: I'm coming with you."
24060,81,4,17,Lily: Karen has failed the test of the porch. She had to leave.
24061,81,4,17,Ted: I can not believe you did that.
24062,81,4,17,"Lily: Do you like is great, you, me and Marshall. Really, think about it."
24063,81,4,17,Ted: It's pretty awesome.
24064,81,4,17,"Lily: It is really great! So for that you will marry, one that will join the Team Géniale, the bar is very high. I say that I did well, but..."
24065,81,4,17,Marshall: You're better off without her.
24066,81,4,17,"Barney: If the angel Clarence says it's true, it should be."
24067,81,4,17,"Marshall: You know what? Go ahead, laugh."
24068,81,4,17,Barney: Why are you wearing this stuff?
24069,81,4,17,Marshall: Several reasons.
24070,81,4,17,Barney: You can not even give five.
24071,81,4,17,Marshall: A: You can not wear anything underneath.
24072,81,4,17,Ted: I confirm. You can cross your legs?
24073,81,4,17,Marshall: Two: It's sexy.
24074,81,4,17,Lily: I confirm. You can uncross your legs?
24075,81,4,17,"Marshall: Three: My grandfather was Olaf and he died at 107 years. Four: No elastic waistband leaving its mark around my Thanksgiving belly. And five: each night as I sleep, it's the most wonderful and free feeling in the world. I feel... as if I was flying. That's how I'm going to bed at night: happy, light. With a heart full of joy. And you?"
24076,81,4,17,Barney: I have to stand still to avoid offending my pajama suit.But at least I do not wear a dress.
24077,81,4,17,Lily: So you're really angry?
24078,81,4,17,"Ted: I know. I mean, I guess if you get all this for Karen, then it may be better."
24079,81,4,17,"Lily: I'm really sorry. I hated to do it again, but Karen had to leave."
24080,81,4,17,"Ted: ""Redo""? How many times you made me break with my girlfriends?"
24081,81,4,17,Lily: Never! Six.
24082,81,4,17,Ted: Like who?
24083,81,4,17,"Lily: No one! Angie. In the second year. She used you to get revenge on her ex, and you will not see it, so..."
24084,81,4,17,Flashback
24085,81,4,17,
24086,81,4,17,A woman sleeps.
24087,81,4,17,Lily:... one day she was taking a nap...
24088,81,4,17,"Lily-between opens the door and on the CD is a convenient but then wants to see someone come out, she goes and hides in the closet. Ted's turn to the room and discovered the CD."
24089,81,4,17,"Ted: Creed? Oh, my God, I have to break up with her."
24090,81,4,17,He leaves and Lily out of the closet.
24091,81,4,17,End flashback
24092,81,4,17,Marshall: That's where is my CD of Creed.
24093,81,4,17,Ted: Who else?
24094,81,4,17,"Lily: Do you remember this strange girl who wanted you to marry him after two months? You loved him in trouble, but you thought there anyway, so..."
24095,81,4,17,Flashback
24096,81,4,17,"Ted is in a queue in disguise. A person, also disguised, comes to see."
24097,81,4,17,"Woman: Look, Ted, you're great, and it is very difficult, but I think it does not look the same. So, long life and prosperity. Or something else."
24098,81,4,17,End flashback
24099,81,4,17,Ted: That was you? It's crazy!
24100,81,4,17,"Lily: Ted, I did it to help you. You're addicted to the commitment. You fell in love with these women, even if they do not deserve you."
24101,81,4,17,Ted: And if one of them was to be the mother of my children?
24102,81,4,17,"Lily: If there was any chance, I swear, I would have done anything. As Victoria or Stella."
24103,81,4,17,Ted: Or Robin. Or Robin. You made us break too? You made us break too?
24104,81,4,17,"Lily: Stop talking to me as if I were your enemy! You know these women cry, but you have the luxury of not knowing what I know: you have these breaks tragic surely avoided a first marriage crap and very expensive."
24105,81,4,17,Ted: You have made us break up?
24106,81,4,17,"Lily: You do not want the truth, because deep down, you want me to watch over you. And basically, you know that none of these women would have been the mother of your children."
24107,81,4,17,Ted: You have made us break up?
24108,81,4,17,Lily: I did what I had to do.
24109,81,4,17,Ted: You have made us break up?
24110,81,4,17,Lily: Just as I did!
24111,81,4,17,Barney by nightdress: Your grandfather was a wise Olaf.
24112,81,4,17,Ted: You made me break with Robin?
24113,81,4,17,"Lily: No, it's not..."
24114,81,4,17,Ted: I can not believe it. I need another drink.
24115,81,4,17,Barney: I feel a little breeze there. It's nice.
24116,81,4,17,Marshall: You think that's good? Come to the mouth of heating.It's like your bazaar was on a tropical island.
24117,81,4,17,"Barney: The Little Barney says ""Mahalo."""
24118,81,4,17,"Ted: Seriously, just what is your problem? How could you do that?"
24119,81,4,17,Lily: I did it because I care about you!
24120,81,4,17,"Robin, entering: Too glad you watched that one!"
24121,81,4,17,"Barney: My God, what has happened?"
24122,81,4,17,Robin: You have not seen the show?
24123,81,4,17,Barney: The show! Sorry. It happened something?
24124,81,4,17,Robin: The routine.
24125,81,4,17,Ted: Lily has just told us it made us break.
24126,81,4,17,Robin: What? We do break? What does that mean? And why they wear a night gown?
24127,81,4,17,Marshall: A shirt.
24128,81,4,17,Barney: It's called a shirt.
24129,81,4,17,"Ted: It turns out that Lily has decided to sabotage many of my relationships, including ours."
24130,81,4,17,"Lily: Robin was different. I did not mean that you break, but you wanted different things and you refused to settle it. I could imagine the porch."
24131,81,4,17,"Ted, old: 2 of heart. As the heart of two children that I have ever had, because my lovely wife hates children."
24132,81,4,17,"Robin, old: Equality. As my career that fell when I decided to settle down and marry Ted. Bridge! I won."
24133,81,4,17,End flashback
24134,81,4,17,Marshall: I do not like this scenario.
24135,81,4,17,Lily: I was just trying to make you talk about your problems. I did not know it would lead to your break.
24136,81,4,17,Flashback
24137,81,4,17,"In April 2007, Ted and Lily are in the kitchen."
24138,81,4,17,"Lily: I have a funny joke. Where you see yourself in five years?(Later that night, Lily is with Robin at McClaren's) You know what's funny? Funny questions. Where you see yourself in five years?"
24139,81,4,17,"The next night, Ted and Robin are in the restaurant."
24140,81,4,17,Ted: Where do you see yourself in five years?
24141,81,4,17,Robin: And you?
24142,81,4,17,"Lily: Not that I want to make you say, but surely you want to get married."
24143,81,4,17,Ted: I would probably get married.
24144,81,4,17,Lily: You would surely be in Tokyo or Paris.
24145,81,4,17,Robin: I would surely be in Argentina.
24146,81,4,17,Ted: In Argentina?
24147,81,4,17,"Robin: Or Tokyo, or Paris."
24148,81,4,17,"Ted: We have a deadline, does not it?"
24149,81,4,17,End flashback
24150,81,4,17,Robin: My God.
24151,81,4,17,"Ted: You can not manipulate people like that! I've known you for 12 years, but I've never been back!"
24152,81,4,17,Lily: I was not...
24153,81,4,17,Ted: I want to hear!
24154,81,4,17,Barney: Calm down! Let us be calm! I have a question. This is how when you're in bed?
24155,81,4,17,"Marshall: Come, let's check."
24156,81,4,17,"Robin: So, without you we would come out still together?"
24157,81,4,17,"Lily: Or you'd been together too long, and would have had an incredibly bitter break without even remain friends, and we would never become best friends."
24158,81,4,17,Robin: Do not say that.
24159,81,4,17,Ted: Stop cuddling! You got no right to interfere in my relationships you. You're lucky. You have found the love of your life in a dorm you turn 18. It gives you no right to play God while others are still looking for. You worry so much about who will finish with you on the porch. You know what? Keep it for you.
24160,81,4,17,Lily: It is what happened to your jacket?
24161,81,4,17,"Robin: Soot, breadcrumbs, placenta. You have not even registered?"
24162,81,4,17,Barney and Marshall are installed in the same bed.
24163,81,4,17,"Barney: You're at home, every night, and Lily layer always with you?"
24164,81,4,17,"Marshall: Yeah, marriage, man, unconditional love. You can wear what you want and you get laid."
24165,81,4,17,Barney: Tell me about marriage.
24166,81,4,17,"Marshall: Sometimes when you're married, the smell of breakfast wakes you ready."
24167,81,4,17,Barney: The coffee too?
24168,81,4,17,Marshall: The cafe also. Sometimes she even puts a vase of fresh flowers.
24169,81,4,17,"Barney: I love flowers. And sometimes when you're afraid of making wrong choices and you're not the one you wanted to be, what it does?"
24170,81,4,17,Marshall: It says you're great and everything will be fine.
24171,81,4,17,Barney: It's beautiful. And it helps you to find other girls to sleep with?
24172,81,4,17,"Marshall: I guess. If you have agreed, perhaps. The guy had a hard day. We'll talk tomorrow. Good night, champ."
24173,81,4,17,"Ted (2030): The next night, I always wanted your aunt Lily.Until..."
24174,81,4,17,Ted arrives at the bar.
24175,81,4,17,Karen: What are you doing... (She kisses him before he finished his sentence) Lily rose and explained everything to me. And she gave me this for you.
24176,81,4,17,Ted reads the word that Lily wrote him.
24177,81,4,17,"Lily: Ted, I'm sorry. No matter who you marry. I know it will be great because she will think you are. To prove my sincerity, I have prepared a surprise for you and Karen at the top. Kisses, Lily."
24178,81,4,17,Marshall: PS: Sorry that the envelope is opened. I read what she wrote. Marshall.
24179,81,4,17,"Karen: Sabotaging our relationship? I must admit that even setting the bar really low for judging friends, Lily really outdid themselves. Clearly, we can not see her again. I know. It's hard, huh?"
24180,81,4,17,Ted thinks the porch with Karen.
24181,81,4,17,"Karen, old: Do you remember your college roommate? He was married to this girl's voice rattle."
24182,81,4,17,"Ted, old: It's been so long."
24183,81,4,17,"Karen, old: My God, I hated him. Finally, here is his obituary."
24184,81,4,17,Ted was at the apartment and talk to Robin.
24185,81,4,17,"Ted: I realized that no matter what my friends think of my girlfriend, but it really matters what my girlfriend thinks of my friends."
24186,81,4,17,"Robin: So, it's over?"
24187,81,4,17,"Ted: Yes. If you wanna be my guest, Lily is a sacred stove."
24188,81,4,17,"Robin: beef pie, macaroni and cheese, butter cookie house."
24189,81,4,17,Ted: Normal Marshall dies at age 68.
24190,81,4,17,Robin: Thank you.
24191,81,4,17,"Ted (2030): And with Robin, we're treated to a gourmet dinner.For her breakfast. And we ended up doing exactly what Lily wanted us to do: talk about our relationship."
24192,81,4,17,"Robin: Basically, Lily made us break."
24193,81,4,17,Ted: It makes you wonder.
24194,81,4,17,"Robin: If it had not been there, we always go out together?"
24195,81,4,17,"Ted: Maybe. She was right. We were not ready. We needed to move forward, we do our stuff. It is always the case."
24196,81,4,17,"Robin: We should make a pact. If the years pass and only 40 years old, one is always alone..."
24197,81,4,17,Ted: Will you be my wife back?
24198,81,4,17,"Robin: A girl dreams of hearing those words. A million times, yes!"
24199,81,4,17,They hug.
24200,81,4,17,"Ted: Okay, that's it. Do we must etablire rules?"
24201,81,4,17,Robin: Genre?
24202,81,4,17,"Ted: I know. As not to become huge, that sort of thing."
24203,81,4,17,Robin: Just one thing: no nightgown.
24204,81,4,17,Ted: I'll never wear.
24205,81,4,17,Barney gets up and opens the door.
24206,82,4,18,"Ted (2030): In spring 2009, I was hired to design a new headquarters for Goliath National Bank. And I hasten to add up to the plans of architect my paw."
24207,82,4,18,"Ted is in the apartment, on his desk, drawing."
24208,82,4,18,Ted: Wooden beams immersed in natural light from the atrium.They will love it!
24209,82,4,18,Ted (2030): There was a problem and his name was Bilson.
24210,82,4,18,Ted presents his project.
24211,82,4,18,"Bilson: Wood? Natural light? Oh, no! It reminds employees that there is an outside world where they have family and friends. We want to crush it! You arrive in the dark, you come home in the dark. You spend your whole damn day in the dark!"
24212,82,4,18,Marshall: I need to hear Lily.
24213,82,4,18,Marshall rises.
24214,82,4,18,Bilson: Who told you to leave?
24215,82,4,18,Then sits down.
24216,82,4,18,Ted (2030): Bilson killed every one of my original ideas. Then one day the GNB has withdrawn from the project to create a new working group to oversee my plans. Everything changed at once.
24217,82,4,18,"Ted: On the roof, a Zen garden to pray silently. In the lobby, a fountain where local kids can make wishes. The new GNB, your workplace and your home. Thank you, and.. welcome home."
24218,82,4,18,Ted (2030): Everything was fine until one day in the elevator.
24219,82,4,18,Ted takes the elevator when a woman is already there.
24220,82,4,18,"Ted: Yeah, it's Ted. No, no. I have not approved the change in plans for the new GNB headquarters, which I am the chief architect, just 30 years. Yes, I'm single and I give to charity.What is the relationship? Okay, bye, Mr. Mayor. You know it was bogus?"
24221,82,4,18,"Woman: Yes, and I also know that the draft of the new headquarters was abandoned last month. Nice try."
24222,82,4,18,The woman came out of the elevator.
24223,82,4,18,GENERIC
24224,82,4,18,"Lily, Marshall, Barney and Robin are in McClaren's."
24225,82,4,18,"Barney: Look at Scarlett Johansson at the Oscars. If I could get a celebrity, it would be Scarlett Johansson. Canon, talented and you do not turn as Woody Allen's father without issue."
24226,82,4,18,"Marshall: If I got a celebrity, it would be Lily. This is the star of my heart."
24227,82,4,18,Lily: For me it would be Hugh Jackman.
24228,82,4,18,"Robin: You know, the celebrities, they like really weird s*x stuff. Believe me."
24229,82,4,18,Barney: How do you know that?
24230,82,4,18,"Robin: It's embarrassing, but I... I came home one evening with a celebrity."
24231,82,4,18,Lily: My God! Seriously?
24232,82,4,18,"Robin: He wanted to do weird things with me, so I left. That's it.End of story."
24233,82,4,18,"Lily: No, not the end of history. I need to know who, what, when and where. Balance!"
24234,82,4,18,"Marshall: Please, calm down. You swallow too much air."
24235,82,4,18,"Barney: But before you poursuives, I'm flattered, but technically I'm not a celebrity. Also, one last time, the mask, it was a joke."
24236,82,4,18,"Robin: Not you, Barney."
24237,82,4,18,Lily: Who's who?
24238,82,4,18,Marshall: Now you've spun him hiccups.
24239,82,4,18,"Robin: I'll tell you anything specific. But all I will say is that he is Canadian, but you know it. And he brought home by offering to show me a single collection."
24240,82,4,18,"Marshall: What do you mean ""collection""?"
24241,82,4,18,Robin: As you collect stamps or coins. But I say nothing.
24242,82,4,18,Barney: Tell us at least the weird thing he wanted to do.
24243,82,4,18,"Robin: I know not what you call it, but we have a name for it in Canada. Listen, I've already said too much."
24244,82,4,18,Lily: So the mystery celebrity who collects something mysterious asked you to do a mystery Canadian s*x act.
24245,82,4,18,Robin: Yes.
24246,82,4,18,Lily: Tell us.
24247,82,4,18,Robin: I'll tell you. But only if you correctly guess the three parties.
24248,82,4,18,Marshall: It is simply impossible.
24249,82,4,18,Robin: Right.
24250,82,4,18,Lily: I do not even know of Canadian s*x act.
24251,82,4,18,"Barney: You have the Sled Dog, the Lobster Trap, the Mounted Police."
24252,82,4,18,Lily: How do you know that?
24253,82,4,18,"Barney: Canadiansexact.org, this is a favorite."
24254,82,4,18,Marshall: Point org?
24255,82,4,18,Barney: Yeah. It's nonprofit. They just want to disseminate information.
24256,82,4,18,Ted joined them.
24257,82,4,18,"Ted: I just had a conversation strange. A woman at the GNB told me that the new tower was abandoned last month. It's crazy, right? What is this look?"
24258,82,4,18,Barney: It is said? It should.
24259,82,4,18,Marshall: No. I want to.
24260,82,4,18,Barney: There's been no light.
24261,82,4,18,Ted: What's going on?
24262,82,4,18,"Marshall: It's time you know. A few weeks ago, Bilson called us."
24263,82,4,18,Flashback
24264,82,4,18,"A few weeks earlier, Barney and Marshall are in the office of Bilson."
24265,82,4,18,Bilson: We abandon the project for the new headquarters. This recession is killing us. It cancels all the superfluous. And I have difficult choices to make during my semi retirement in St. Croix.
24266,82,4,18,"Marshall: Dude, Ted will be devastated."
24267,82,4,18,Bilson: Not if he learns his best friend.
24268,82,4,18,Marshall and Barney: I have to say?
24269,82,4,18,Marshall and Barney are at the bar.
24270,82,4,18,"Marshall: Tell him, you're his best friend."
24271,82,4,18,"Barney: No, it's you."
24272,82,4,18,"Marshall: No, it's really you. Shhh, it happens."
24273,82,4,18,"Barney: White or Asian? You see, I hardly know him."
24274,82,4,18,Ted: How are you?
24275,82,4,18,Marshall: You okay?
24276,82,4,18,"Ted: I'm frustrated. The least innovative thing in my drawings, Bilson cuts with a machete. I hate to depend on what kind of guy."
24277,82,4,18,Barney: You should leave the project.
24278,82,4,18,"Marshall: It is clear, leave him. It is unworthy of you."
24279,82,4,18,Barney: It's decided. A new beginning! May the winds be with you...
24280,82,4,18,"Ted: Are you kidding? They still come to turn a guy in my box.Bilson, is heavy, it is clear, but without this project, I have more work."
24281,82,4,18,Barney: It's funny you mention the project. Because...
24282,82,4,18,"Marshall: You're super good. Keep it up, man. Your hair, your teeth are beautiful now. You shine like a diamond!"
24283,82,4,18,"Ted: Thank you. I needed it. Well, I go back to work. I must insert a plank in the dark hallway of Bilson. You have understood me."
24284,82,4,18,"Ted from leaving Barn, ey and Marshall alone."
24285,82,4,18,Barney: What was that?
24286,82,4,18,Marshall: I have an idea. The next two months Ted has paid anyway. We could not let it continue and not to tell her? He had a tough year. Let the fun a little.
24287,82,4,18,Barney: You suggest a complicated lie in the long term that implies a lot of discipline. A guy like you will not succeed.
24288,82,4,18,Marshall: But if I can.
24289,82,4,18,"Barney: Lie to me, there."
24290,82,4,18,Marshall: I have a spaceship.
24291,82,4,18,Barney: What kind of fuel?
24292,82,4,18,Marshall: I have no spaceship.
24293,82,4,18,"Barney: But no! Defend yourself! If someone asks, diverts it from the original lie with other lies. I show you. I have a pony.Question me."
24294,82,4,18,Marshall: It is what color?
24295,82,4,18,"Barney: When I was Dandelion, her complexion was of a deep hazel, unfortunately, his barn is located near a chemical plant, which contaminated water. Over time, it became a dull gray and the vet can not do anything to help."
24296,82,4,18,"Marshall: My God! It's horrible. Dandelion will make it? Okay...You're strong! Dandelion is not sick, huh?"
24297,82,4,18,End flashback
24298,82,4,18,Ted: So the tour is canceled and you really have lied to me.
24299,82,4,18,Marshall: We did it to protect you.
24300,82,4,18,Ted: I think so. My two best friends have planted and I saw nothing.
24301,82,4,18,"Lily: In Canada, it's called a snow plow Vicious."
24302,82,4,18,Ted: This tower was the dream job and it went up in smoke.
24303,82,4,18,"Marshall: Sorry, Ted."
24304,82,4,18,Ted: I need a drink.
24305,82,4,18,Lily: The poor. It's moved if I return to Canada on s*x?
24306,82,4,18,Marshall: Not at all.
24307,82,4,18,Barney: You've been slow.
24308,82,4,18,Lily: What is a Zamboni with 2 hands?
24309,82,4,18,"Robin: Well, the only thing that carries the woman is skates with his hands."
24310,82,4,18,Lily: Pack milk Manitoba?
24311,82,4,18,"Robin: It's like the Moustache of Chicago, but the person below wearing a combi."
24312,82,4,18,Lily: A Lobster Trap of Newfoundland?
24313,82,4,18,"Robin: I dunno, I want to know. These people are crazy."
24314,82,4,18,"Lily: Well, I decided my first proposal."
24315,82,4,18,"Robin: Okay, but I say only if you find the person, the act and the collection."
24316,82,4,18,"Lily: Well, I'm starting. Bryan Adams. He collects baseball cards and he wanted to make you... an oily Kayak."
24317,82,4,18,Robin: No.
24318,82,4,18,"Barney: Wayne Gretzky, former Hot Wheels, an Eskimo kneeling."
24319,82,4,18,Robin: No.
24320,82,4,18,"Marshall: Kiefer Sutherland, souvenir glasses, tights and a Pancake."
24321,82,4,18,Robin: No. I would have accepted it.
24322,82,4,18,"Ted: Wait. If they canceled the project a month ago, why did I go every week to see the new working group?"
24323,82,4,18,"Barney: Of course, you could not see you point and Bilson."
24324,82,4,18,Marshall: So we... invented the working group. It was enough just to gather a team.
24325,82,4,18,Flashback
24326,82,4,18,"Marshall: You see Roy Waterman, Vice President of Venture Capital? It's actually... Roy maintenance. (In the hallway...) I'm sorry, Roy. How would you like to make you some money?"
24327,82,4,18,Roy: How far I have DESAPER?
24328,82,4,18,"Marshall: Louisa Mendoza, Vice President at Capital exécutie, It's actually... Louisa from the cafeteria. (In the canteen...) Louisa, I need your help, but forbidden to speak."
24329,82,4,18,Louisa: I speak English.
24330,82,4,18,"Marshall: Exactly. This is an important secret. How do you say ""secret"" in Spanish?"
24331,82,4,18,Louisa: Pellets?
24332,82,4,18,"Marshall: Okay. Albondigas. This will be our little albondigas. I have balls, please? Arthur and Nasmith, the eccentric genius, investment guru, it's actually... Arty the cracked one-man band of 15th Street. (In the street...) Excuse me. One can argue?"
24333,82,4,18,"Arty: Actually, my assistant, Reginald took my appointments."
24334,82,4,18,A squirrel is on the sidewalk.
24335,82,4,18,Marshall: It was completed with the group of trainees and paid $ 50 for them to look enthusiastic when you talked...
24336,82,4,18,"Arty: Reginald, next week, get me out of here."
24337,82,4,18,End flashback
24338,82,4,18,Ted: That was one of the most inspired designs of my career. I was so excited.
24339,82,4,18,"Lily: Alex Trebek, a Guardian Eventé, teddy bear!"
24340,82,4,18,Robin: No.
24341,82,4,18,Lily: Damn!
24342,82,4,18,Ted: Wait. It explains what happened to Louisa.
24343,82,4,18,Flashback
24344,82,4,18,Ted has finished presenting his project.
24345,82,4,18,Marshall: Good job.
24346,82,4,18,Barney: All right!
24347,82,4,18,Ted: Louisa. What can we do about it? Do not like you not understand. You feel the same. After all!
24348,82,4,18,Ted kisses her.
24349,82,4,18,"Louisa: No, I can not. I am engaged to Mr. Barney. We do not care. We live once!"
24350,82,4,18,She kisses him in turn.
24351,82,4,18,"Ted: No, it's not good! Damn, you're in the working group!"
24352,82,4,18,End flashback
24353,82,4,18,Ted: Is there anything else you want to tell me?
24354,82,4,18,Marshall: When you played third base for the softball team GNB.
24355,82,4,18,"Barney: There is no softball team. We just rented a field, a bunch of guys together so they make you a hero."
24356,82,4,18,Ted: My lap of honor was bogus?
24357,82,4,18,"Marshall: Sorry, we knew you'd be unemployed soon. We wanted you to feel good. Friends do that."
24358,82,4,18,Ted: Lying?
24359,82,4,18,"Marshall: Sometimes, yes, to protect them."
24360,82,4,18,Ted: False! Never lie to his friends. I should never have lied.
24361,82,4,18,Barney: Really? And this open mic night at the Comedy Club?
24362,82,4,18,Flashback
24363,82,4,18,"Marshall is on stage, microphone in hand."
24364,82,4,18,"Marshall: You're like me, people? Have you ever considered the amount of fish species? And... the name of these fish?Here are a few. ""Trout. ""Right? ""Sturgeon. ""I think so buddy.""Salmon. ""I'll say it again... Salmon. Who thought it was a good idea? ""Bar. ""This guy is what I mean. ""Halibut. ""Thank you, good evening. How do I?"
24365,82,4,18,Ted: Super. Very funny.
24366,82,4,18,Barney: Fatal... Thursday evening for everyone.
24367,82,4,18,End flashback
24368,82,4,18,Marshall: Timeout. You do not like fish?
24369,82,4,18,Ted: It was horrible! You've just read a list of fish.
24370,82,4,18,Marshall: Whatever... This proves my point. You lied to me to protect me.
24371,82,4,18,"Ted: It has nothing to do! I lost one month of my life to work on a dead project. I could have spent that time to find new contracts. Instead, I'll go tomorrow morning and probably get fired. Best Screenplay, my boss yelling at me going in front of everyone."
24372,82,4,18,Ted part.
24373,82,4,18,"Robin: For me, it's called a..."
24374,82,4,18,Lily: A Totem of Saskatoon. It's here.
24375,82,4,18,
24376,82,4,18,Marshall and Barney enters Ted's apartment.
24377,82,4,18,"Ted: Hello, lying bastards. No lies before I go to work to get fired?"
24378,82,4,18,Barney: Nice shirt.
24379,82,4,18,Ted: You're the devil.
24380,82,4,18,"Marshall: What if we told you that you found another project to GNB, where you have to redo part of the 20th floor."
24381,82,4,18,"Ted: If it's a lie, it's really bad. And I will do what?"
24382,82,4,18,"Ted, Barney and Marshall are the GNB, in a room."
24383,82,4,18,"Barney: This is the P.T.E. 18th floor. Basically, Bilson wants a piece like that, two floors above us."
24384,82,4,18,"Ted: Wait, what is a P.T.E.?"
24385,82,4,18,Barney: Room for Transitional Employees.
24386,82,4,18,Ted: What does that mean?
24387,82,4,18,Barney: It's a place where a manager and an employee initiate a transfer of knowledge about an impending career change.
24388,82,4,18,Marshall: It turns people here.
24389,82,4,18,Ted: It's horrible. Why have a special room to turn people?
24390,82,4,18,Marshall: GNB think we need a safe place to meet new.
24391,82,4,18,Barney: It's serious there.
24392,82,4,18,Flashback
24393,82,4,18,"Barney is in P.T.E. with a man. The man throws himself on Barney. Then a woman does the same. Another man in the room with Barney and out, pressing his hand, then grabs a chair and breaks it on Barney. Another time, he emerged from under the table with a woman, they sit at the table and she attacks him."
24394,82,4,18,End flashback
24395,82,4,18,"Ted (2030): Reluctantly, I agreed to design a room where people turn. But I was determined to put my key."
24396,82,4,18,Ted presents his project.
24397,82,4,18,"Ted: Leaving space dismissal, you get into what I call ""the Renaissance Corridor Quiet."" Here, an oval room of rest with psychological support. Right there, after the fountain of the New Departure. And here it is. Instead of a sad and gloomy cell, a protective womb... giving birth to a new life."
24398,82,4,18,Bilson: I love.
24399,82,4,18,Barney: Really?
24400,82,4,18,"Bilson: Good job, Ted."
24401,82,4,18,Ted: Thank you.
24402,82,4,18,Bilson: You can add these keys to the PTE the 18th floor?
24403,82,4,18,Ted: Absolutely.
24404,82,4,18,Bilson: Awesome. 'll See about that.
24405,82,4,18,Bilson followed Ted will see the room from the 18th floor.
24406,82,4,18,"Ted: OK, I think this wall..."
24407,82,4,18,Bilson: You're fired!
24408,82,4,18,Ted: What?
24409,82,4,18,"Bilson: I wanted this piece! This same room, two floors up!"
24410,82,4,18,Ted: But...
24411,82,4,18,"Bilson: You're fired! Away from here. (His phone rings and Ted lot) Hi, honey."
24412,82,4,18,"Ted comes back in the room and takes a chair that breaks on Bilson, who is on the phone."
24413,82,4,18,Back at the bar...
24414,82,4,18,"Lily: Anyone of Rush, a Meat Pie from Montreal and a lunchbox superhero."
24415,82,4,18,Robin: No.
24416,82,4,18,"Lily: Rick Moranis, the Reverse Rich Moranis, of Jewish antiquities. I give up. It's been three days that I seek. I stop. If that means I could ever be."
24417,82,4,18,Robin: Well.
24418,82,4,18,Lily: Tell us about it!
24419,82,4,18,Robin: You really want to know?
24420,82,4,18,"Marshall, Lily and Barney: Yes!"
24421,82,4,18,Robin: But this info does not leave the table.
24422,82,4,18,Lily: My God. I am so excited. (Robin passes him a paper) I will read.
24423,82,4,18,Barney: Read it.
24424,82,4,18,Marshall: Read it.
24425,82,4,18,"Lily: I will read it. Let's go. ""The Frozen Snowshoe,"" ""Old King Clancy"", ""The Plateaux of Harvey."""
24426,82,4,18,Robin: So?
24427,82,4,18,Lily: I do not understand any of these words.
24428,82,4,18,Barney: One of them is supposed to be famous?
24429,82,4,18,Marshall: Who the hell... The Old King Clancy is?
24430,82,4,18,"Robin: This is not the person is the sexual act. It's like the Sacramento Turtleneck, but with maple syrup."
24431,82,4,18,"Marshall: And fame, this is Harvey Léplateaux?"
24432,82,4,18,"Robin: No, it's the collection. Harvey trays. These orange trays they give you when you eat at Harvey. Restaurants? Will you take a trip on the Trans-Canada Highway, you have a hollow between Milverton and Wawa, where you stop eating, eh? At Harvey. More than 12,000 customers!"
24433,82,4,18,Lily: So fame was...
24434,82,4,18,"Robin: The Frozen Snowshoe. Oh, my God! You know Racket jelly? This is the most famous pro wrestler of Canada. I met him after his victory over Rick ""The Daredevil"" at the Rogers Memorial Arena in Kamloops in 2002. A classic."
24435,82,4,18,"Lily: So you say you Racket Jelly invited him home to show you trays of Harvey, and you've asked him to do an Old King Clancy?"
24436,82,4,18,"Robin: Right. And I'm serious, do not tell anyone."
24437,82,4,18,Lily: My hiccups are gone. Perhaps forever.
24438,82,4,18,Barney: You again. You even found a way to spoil it. Why?Why let yourself do we as a country?
24439,82,4,18,Ted joined them.
24440,82,4,18,"Marshall: Hey, Mister Whisper. You should not be up there to draw your super PTE?"
24441,82,4,18,Ted: I'm more about the project.
24442,82,4,18,Marshall: What?
24443,82,4,18,Ted: Bilson fired me.
24444,82,4,18,Marshall: You're kidding.
24445,82,4,18,Lily: What does that mean for your company? You're going to be fired?
24446,82,4,18,"Ted: Actually, I just resign."
24447,82,4,18,Marshall: Why?
24448,82,4,18,"Ted: I can not work for large corporations with no heart. In selling me your ""working group"", I was the most inspired work of my career. In fact, you reminded me how my job could be fun when I'm not dealing with Bilson, so... I resigned."
24449,82,4,18,"Barney: They've turned, eh?"
24450,82,4,18,"Ted: Yes, sir. But I have good benefits and I have made a great decision. I'll start my own box."
24451,82,4,18,Lily: It's exciting.
24452,82,4,18,Barney: With this economy?
24453,82,4,18,"Marshall: So, do we want it?"
24454,82,4,18,"Ted: Ultimately, I am grateful."
24455,82,4,18,Barney: What was it with Bilson?
24456,82,4,18,"Ted: After he proposed a career change, I made an impromptu presentation with a four-step approach that put him in the knee."
24457,82,4,18,Barney: You've hit with a chair?
24458,82,4,18,Ted: Yeah.
24459,82,4,18,Barney: Well done.
24460,82,4,18,"British Columbia 2002, shows a man Robin trays."
24461,82,4,18,"Man: That one, I got to the restaurant between Milverton and Wawa."
24462,82,4,18,"Robin: It's very impressive, The Frozen Snowshoe."
24463,82,4,18,"Man: We're friends. Call me ""racket"". Sit down."
24464,82,4,18,Robin: So... Snowshoeing Would you like me... Old King Clancy one?
24465,82,4,18,Snowshoeing: You should go.
24466,83,4,19,"Barney goes to the apartment where Marshall, Robin and Ted are already."
24467,83,4,19,Barney: You believe not what happened last night laser tag.
24468,83,4,19,Ted: People freaked out because of a calibrated in suits who bothered their children?
24469,83,4,19,"Barney: Yeah, almost."
24470,83,4,19,Flashback
24471,83,4,19,Barney played laser tag with children. It takes a little girl in her arms and hides behind a phony.
24472,83,4,19,Barney: Go! You want that!
24473,83,4,19,Girl: My shoulder!
24474,83,4,19,Barney: Come on.
24475,83,4,19,"Pattern: Stinson, in my office! Now!"
24476,83,4,19,Barney: sh1t.
24477,83,4,19,Barney is in the boss's office of laser tag.
24478,83,4,19,"Pattern: Foul Play, three stampedes, and now this! Stinson, you are a ball!"
24479,83,4,19,"Barney: I know, I'm not your precious rules, McCracken, but, damn, the results are there!"
24480,83,4,19,"McCracken: Listen, you're a good player laser tag. Perhaps the best I've seen. But someday, you will hurt someone.Maybe even you."
24481,83,4,19,Barney: You forget what it's there. Your fat ass is stuck here for too long.
24482,83,4,19,"McCracken is Enough You are banned, Stinson! Make your gun and your badge!"
24483,83,4,19,Barney: My pleasure. Do not do that. This game is all I have.And I nearly enough tickets for the remote controlled helicopter. Pity.
24484,83,4,19,"McCracken: I can not believe I do that. But I'll leave you one last chance. But be aware, if you exceed the limits of a toe, you play the duck shooting in your mother's so fast it will make you dizzy. Get out!"
24485,83,4,19,Barney: You regret it.
24486,83,4,19,"30 seconds later, Barney has his foot on a guy and shoots him."
24487,83,4,19,"McCracken: It's over, Stinson. You are banned for life!"
24488,83,4,19,End flashback
24489,83,4,19,GENERIC
24490,83,4,19,Marshall: I can not believe you're kicked out of laser tag. Are you gonna do?
24491,83,4,19,Barney: What shall I do? I'll tell you that Ted and I will do. We will introduce and apply the PQ everywhere.
24492,83,4,19,"Ted: Barney, you're too old to put toilet paper because you can play laser tag more. And by the way, too old for laser tag."
24493,83,4,19,"Barney: Ted, laser tag has no age limit. As the striptease in the West Midlle."
24494,83,4,19,"Ted: Yeah, whatever. I added laser tag to the list of Murtaugh."
24495,83,4,19,Barney: No list of Murtaugh.
24496,83,4,19,Robin: What is the Murtaugh list?
24497,83,4,19,Ted (2030): The Murtaugh list was created around my 30th birthday. It all started with the beer funnel your uncle.
24498,83,4,19,Flashback
24499,83,4,19,Ted and Marshall are at a party.
24500,83,4,19,"Marshall:... two, one, chug!"
24501,83,4,19,"Ted (2030): In our 20 years, with each party, this funnel came out. And to our 30 years, none. Of course, at age 20, the day looked like this. (Marshall and Ted fight) But to our 30 years, the day looked like this. (Ted is sitting on the couch, the trash next to him) Then one day, in the suffering of the worst hangover of my life, I realized that one person in the world understood me: Detective Roger Murtaugh, played by Danny Glover in the masterpiece 1987: Lethal Weapon, known for his often repeated motto:"
24502,83,4,19,Roger Murtaugh: I'm too old for this...
24503,83,4,19,"Ted (2030): Stuff. He said, ""I'm too old for this stuff. """
24504,83,4,19,End flashback
24505,83,4,19,"Ted: It's hard to admit, but with age, we can do certain things.This is why I have this list, not to make the mistake of thinking that I can still make a sleepless night."
24506,83,4,19,Marshall: I'm too old for this stuff.
24507,83,4,19,Ted: Or eat a whole pizza in one sitting.
24508,83,4,19,Marshall: I'm too old for this stuff.
24509,83,4,19,Ted: Or put posters on the wall without a frame.
24510,83,4,19,"Marshall: ""Riggs. ""I'm too old for this stuff. In fact, it's Lethal Weapon?"
24511,83,4,19,"Robin: I know. It looks pumped. An old cop associated with a young and rebellious. It reminds you of anything? Mackleroy and LaFleur. Do not tell me you have never seen Mackleroy and LaFleur. This is the best action movie of all time Canadian. Mackleroy is a young Mountie whose horse is killed by evil Americans, and LaFleur, his old partner grumpy and Afro-Canadian, just buy a nice fishing shack in northern Alberta..."
24512,83,4,19,Marshall: I gotta go.
24513,83,4,19,"Lily: Hi, baby. Good workout."
24514,83,4,19,Robin: What? It's still one-man band? Because it was crap.
24515,83,4,19,Marshall is in a gym with children.
24516,83,4,19,"Ted (2030): In fact, Marshall was to coach the basketball team's class Lily. He thought it was funny, but Lily was dizzy: training father."
24517,83,4,19,Lily arrives with a basket.
24518,83,4,19,Marshall: My God! Orange wedges. That's nice. What are you doing here?
24519,83,4,19,Lily: I could not resist. I wanted to see Marshmallow coach at work.
24520,83,4,19,"Marshall: The children, who wants to stop earlier and eat orange slices?"
24521,83,4,19,All: Yeah!
24522,83,4,19,"Marshall: Yeah? No way! Oranges, it's for the winners, and you little sh1ts, you have not yet put one basket! Shame on you, shame on you Miss Aldrin, and worse, necks make me ashamed! Enough! Suicide, on the line! And make it snappy!Here we go."
24523,83,4,19,At the apartment...
24524,83,4,19,"Barney: There's nothing on this list for which you're too old. In fact, if you did everything on the Murtaugh list, I would call it a nice weekend."
24525,83,4,19,"Ted: Barney, you have more 18 years. If you did the whole list, you would die. It was not a challenge."
24526,83,4,19,"Barney: Challenge accepted. The next 24 hours, I will do everything on the list. And after that, you go to the PQ laser tag with me."
24527,83,4,19,Ted: And if you fail?
24528,83,4,19,Barney: I'll spend three hours listening to you talk about architecture.
24529,83,4,19,"Ted: It works for me. Robin, you do the honors?"
24530,83,4,19,Robin: An agreement of honor!
24531,83,4,19,"Barney: Come on guys, you do it!"
24532,83,4,19,Robin: Are you sure you want to do that? You know how it is.
24533,83,4,19,"Ted: There's some pretty hefty on the list. Finally, do you really think Barney is going to get ear pierced?"
24534,83,4,19,"Barney: ""To pierce the ear. ""Done. Well, I go to a laundry at my mother. (Barney hand, then returned several hours later) Do you mind if I use your futon?"
24535,83,4,19,Robin: There is no futon.
24536,83,4,19,"Barney: Put it there, guys."
24537,83,4,19,Robin: What's the matter?
24538,83,4,19,"Barney: It's on the list. ""Landing on the futon with a friend rather than going to the hotel. """
24539,83,4,19,Robin: I'm too old for this stuff.
24540,83,4,19,Ted: You got anything in your ear? It looks like the inside of a pumpkin after Halloween.
24541,83,4,19,"Barney: What, this? Just a quick foul '. Just a kid like me has to worry about. Then, ""pushing a medical"" on the list. (His phone rings) Hold on. Bar here..."
24542,83,4,19,A basketball practice in Marshall...
24543,83,4,19,"Marshall: It is not stop! You know, it's funny, I came to teach them... Do not stop running! All this time, it is they who have taught me things. (He throws the basketball on a kid) you not being there! You fall!"
24544,83,4,19,"Ted (2030): The next morning, Barney woke up on the futon in the living room."
24545,83,4,19,"Barney: Done. (Barney is McClaren's) ""Drinking shots with strangers. ""Done."
24546,83,4,19,"Ted: OK, Barney? You seem to have a bad back."
24547,83,4,19,"Barney: No, it's just the raver's hump. I like it. It brings me closer to my glass. A youth! (He can not drink his glass) You should have a straw?"
24548,83,4,19,Robin: There's a side admirable in its way to remain young.Who wants to be old?
24549,83,4,19,"Ted: This guy. Life is a meal and old age, the dessert. I get so many worries about the future. Where will my career? Who will I marry? When you're old, you do not worry, because all this has happened before. You got pumps and a comfortable seat for the stairs. That's perfect."
24550,83,4,19,"Robin: It's not perfect, it's pathetic. You can not skip to the end.The best thing is the journey."
24551,83,4,19,"Ted: I thought that, too, you'll understand when you grow older."
24552,83,4,19,Lily is always with Marshall at basketball practice.
24553,83,4,19,"Lily: Marshall, you can avoid the attack today?"
24554,83,4,19,"Marshall: I will not attack, Lily. I attack this pervasive culture of failure. I have to toughen them if you want to win the match tomorrow."
24555,83,4,19,Lily: Winning? There are no points.
24556,83,4,19,Marshall: What?
24557,83,4,19,Lily: There are no points.
24558,83,4,19,"Marshall: You not count... What interest not to do? How do you know... Lily, what were you doing with the team before I arrive?"
24559,83,4,19,Lily: I was training.
24560,83,4,19,Flashback
24561,83,4,19,"Lily is sitting in the stands and plays guitar, while the kids play basketball."
24562,83,4,19,Lily: That's my little angels. You are luminous beings of light.
24563,83,4,19,Boy: What's the score?
24564,83,4,19,Lily: Gender: joy joy!
24565,83,4,19,End flashback
24566,83,4,19,"Lily: Because that's the point of playing, having fun."
24567,83,4,19,"Marshall: The point of playing is to win the trophy. And if you do not know who wins, wins the trophy?"
24568,83,4,19,"Lily: Everyone. This is a participation trophy, everyone has one."
24569,83,4,19,Marshall: Everything that's Chinese to me.
24570,83,4,19,Barney at the bar with Robin and Ted.
24571,83,4,19,"Barney: Hi, this is Barney."
24572,83,4,19,Robin: And Robin.
24573,83,4,19,Barney: We can not answer because...
24574,83,4,19,Robin: He watches football and I'm...
24575,83,4,19,"Barney: Part shopping. Leave a message, you are reminded..."
24576,83,4,19,Robin:... soon...
24577,83,4,19,Barney:... we...
24578,83,4,19,Robin and Barney:... can!
24579,83,4,19,"Barney: ""Making an autoresponder message to two annoying.""Done. It will probably cost me a few appointments, but it's okay."
24580,83,4,19,Robin: Your ear begins to feel.
24581,83,4,19,Barney: It's good.
24582,83,4,19,"Ted: I hate to refuse, but you told me that the turkey was extremely thin, and see for yourself."
24583,83,4,19,Robin: Okay. It's good. You have your own list.
24584,83,4,19,Ted: What?
24585,83,4,19,Robin: A list of things that you are too young. Do all these things and tell me if you still want to be old.
24586,83,4,19,"Ted: Removes ""colonoscopy"" and ""sleeping with an old"", and is a cinch."
24587,83,4,19,"Barney: New bet, then. If you can finish your list before me, we will cover the laser PQ and you pay toilet paper.Biodegradable and not this crap. I want up there forever."
24588,83,4,19,"Ted: Well, if I finished first, it's six hours of study of American architecture from the early 20th, and you can not ever do something in the list of Murtaugh. This is for your own good."
24589,83,4,19,Barney: Bet held.
24590,83,4,19,Robin: An agreement of honor!
24591,83,4,19,
24592,83,4,19,Back to basketball practice...
24593,83,4,19,"Lily: Marshall, they were in kindergarten. It teaches not basketball like that."
24594,83,4,19,Marshall: Sure. I learned that way.
24595,83,4,19,Lily: Are you kidding? What kind of sociopath told you like that?
24596,83,4,19,Flashback
24597,83,4,19,"Marshall plays basketball, outside his home with his father."
24598,83,4,19,"Marshall: Come on, Dad. I'm tired."
24599,83,4,19,Father: Sleep is for the winners. You go to bed when you get labeled.
24600,83,4,19,Marshall: I'm trying.
24601,83,4,19,Father: I give you two points for trying. But I take off two points because of your big head.
24602,83,4,19,End flashback
24603,83,4,19,"Marshall: With my father, no mercy and I did not ask. I really need to call this guy. Continue stretching!"
24604,83,4,19,Ted is at his apartment.
24605,83,4,19,"Ted: ""Put on reading glasses. ""Done. ""Yelled the boy from the neighborhood. ""With pleasure. (Ted was about to leave when Robin and Barney come but this box) What happened to you?"
24606,83,4,19,"Barney: I just had a little ""screw up my knee and it hurts"" incident."
24607,83,4,19,Ted: How did you do?
24608,83,4,19,"Barney: It... ""Helped to move the sixth floor walk against pizza and beer."""
24609,83,4,19,Robin: Or you helped steal the sixth floor. They were in a hurry and left the pictures.
24610,83,4,19,"Barney's counting anyway. Now I will go ""Me dye flashy colors,"" and then we will go to ""Go to a rave."""
24611,83,4,19,Ted: 16 pm! Supper time.
24612,83,4,19,Marshall puts basketballs.
24613,83,4,19,"Lily: Your father was hard on you. It's ugly, but you do not have to be like him. You can learn from mistakes."
24614,83,4,19,"Marshall: Errors? Lily, result. The guy was successful. He taught me to be a winner. This is what I teach these kids. And besides, this is what I will do with our children."
24615,83,4,19,"Lily: OK, enough. This is not how we will raise our children!And that's not how you gonna lead this team! In tomorrow's game, if you're anything but a teddy bear with the cotton candy and rainbows, I foudroierai gaze so hard that you bruise! The times I've found your internet history, it was a mere side! Is that clear?"
24616,83,4,19,Marshall: There are different...
24617,83,4,19,Lily: Is that clear?
24618,83,4,19,"Marshall: Yes, ma'am. What is ironic is that..."
24619,83,4,19,"Lily Marshall launches a chair, he avoids."
24620,83,4,19,Barney and Robin are at a rave.
24621,83,4,19,Barney: Ted Calls. I want to go.
24622,83,4,19,Robin: Okay. I call it. But it is 4:30 am. It will not be awakened.
24623,83,4,19,Ted: Got up at 4am... Done.
24624,83,4,19,Barney: It answers?
24625,83,4,19,Robin: I have not called yet.
24626,83,4,19,"Barney: Hurry up, Robin."
24627,83,4,19,"At Ted, the phone rings."
24628,83,4,19,"Ted: Okay. ""Take time to answer the phone. """
24629,83,4,19,"Barney: Come on, Ted. I was given aspirin and I do not think it was."
24630,83,4,19,Ted: Done.
24631,83,4,19,It's game day for Marshall and his team.
24632,83,4,19,"Marshall: I know I was a little hard on you, the last two days.And I apologize. Today, we will not think of victory. We'll go there and... have fun."
24633,83,4,19,The referee and the children rush the field.
24634,83,4,19,"Ted (2030): Children, over time your Uncle Marshall rehashed the story this game hundreds of times. And in fact, children from the other team were older than one class. But harping on the story, they looked like that."
24635,83,4,19,The opposing team is an adult.
24636,83,4,19,"Marshall: Let them score easily. Now you're sitting. Great.Addison is not football. Do not shoot! Unless you find it funny, in this case, have fun though. It was not a foul, referee?"
24637,83,4,19,"Referee: I'm no referee, but Kenny. And watch your tone."
24638,83,4,19,"Marshall: No tone, Kenny. Good job. Thank you very much.See you later."
24639,83,4,19,"Robin, Barney and Ted return to the apartment."
24640,83,4,19,"Robin: As a manager, I threw in the towel. This bet is over.Your ear looks like a Danish pastry in a French breakfast."
24641,83,4,19,"Barney: No, he remains a. ""The beer funnel. """
24642,83,4,19,"Ted: It happens. I found these weird Russian beers, in the basement."
24643,83,4,19,Robin: The Russian beer? I will take a bierofski. Bierofski. Got it?
24644,83,4,19,"Ted: Yes, it's... a little hot. I hope this is not a problem."
24645,83,4,19,"Barney: No, no. Okay. You won, I hate it. I hate it. My back is killing me. At the rave, I was mistaken for a cop. I have an earache so I can hear... I hear my own ear. Think about it. My clothes... What... Take that! I have redeemed you your best costume for twice its price. This is... $ 30. And throw the shoes. You won, Ted. I will not make anything of the Murtaugh list. I'm too old for this stuff."
24646,83,4,19,"Ted: You know, yesterday I went to bed at 20h because it was on the list and I could not sleep... because it was 20h. So I watched Lethal Weapon."
24647,83,4,19,Flashback
24648,83,4,19,Ted is on the couch and watch TV.
24649,83,4,19,"Ted: I still could not sleep, so I watched Lethal Weapon 2. And then 3. And in the middle of Lethal Weapon 4, I realized..."
24650,83,4,19,End flashback
24651,83,4,19,"Ted:... that Murtaugh kept repeating: ""I'm too old for this stuff,"" but every time he says, he changes his mind, made another movie, and stuff. What I'm trying to say is that... the toilet, age.Will cover the PQ laser tag."
24652,83,4,19,Barney: And then the hospital.
24653,83,4,19,At the basketball game...
24654,83,4,19,"Marshall: Good job, guys. At least, there are no points, eh? No idea of the score. It could be 53-0. It could be something else.It's 53-0."
24655,83,4,19,"Boy: What are we doing wrong, coach?"
24656,83,4,19,"Marshall: You do not do anything wrong. It's great that you lost, because in life, no matter the effort you make, or how much you try, people give you things. Since graduation, jobs, promotions. No matter what you do on the ground, as... As you're having fun."
24657,83,4,19,"Ted (2030): Because they did not want to argue in front of children, your uncle and your aunt Lily Marshall had a telepathic conversation."
24658,83,4,19,Lily: Do not look at me like that.
24659,83,4,19,Marshall: I take it anymore! Your coaching is crazy!
24660,83,4,19,Lily: Stop yelling at me!
24661,83,4,19,Marshall: I'm sorry. But is what I can do it my way?
24662,83,4,19,"Lily: OK, but I'll do it my way too. With the guitar."
24663,83,4,19,"Ted (2030): Was it the determination of Marshall, Lily of encouragement, or the magic combination of both, but in the second half, the disorganized group of little urchins... have actually made things worse. In fact, according to Uncle Marshall, in the second half, the other team had even grown.And one of them had changed into a werewolf."
24664,83,4,19,Marshall: There is a werewolf on the ground! It can not be legit.
24665,83,4,19,"Lily: They look different, the children, but make sure they feel surrounded."
24666,83,4,19,"Marshall: It was not a market, right? You're killing me! You kill me outright!"
24667,83,4,19,"Kenny: Attention, coach, or I put a technical foul."
24668,83,4,19,Marshall: I beg you to put me in one.
24669,83,4,19,"Ted (2030): When the final whistle sounded charitably, the score was, according to the estimate of Marshall, 118 to nothing. And even if they did not win, everyone, including the coach, received a trophy for participation."
24670,83,4,19,Lily: I understand that you like it not.
24671,83,4,19,Marshall: I love it. I worked hard. It's nice to be appreciated at its true value.
24672,83,4,19,"Lily: I know, baby."
24673,83,4,19,Marshall: Your way is perhaps not completely stupid.
24674,83,4,19,Lily: Thank you. Yours is.
24675,83,4,19,"Ted, Barney and Robin meet the PQ laser tag."
24676,83,4,19,McCracken: My great... you cause me problems since you joined this club. But damn... if this is not the best battle of PQ I've ever seen. You are returned... And right away.
24677,83,4,19,Barney: Really?
24678,83,4,19,"McCracken: Good God, no! I call the police! Major cons with pink hair that dangle from the PQ. Are you kidding. I'm too old for this..."
24679,83,4,19,"Ted (2030): Stuff. He said ""Stuff""."
24680,84,4,20,"Ted, Barney and Marshall are at McClaren's and Lily joined them."
24681,84,4,20,Barney: I heard a joke at work.
24682,84,4,20,"Ted: Come on. She will not like it. It's funny for the guys, not girls."
24683,84,4,20,"Barney: It's sexist! When it's funny, it's funny. Lily's cool. She'll love it."
24684,84,4,20,Marshall: Do it yourself.
24685,84,4,20,Lily: Tell it.
24686,84,4,20,Barney: Ready? What is the difference between jam and Nutella? (Marshall laughs) It's funny.
24687,84,4,20,Ted: For the guys.
24688,84,4,20,Marshall: She will not like it.
24689,84,4,20,Lily: Why do not I decide? What is the difference between jam and Nutella?
24690,84,4,20,"Ted (2030): Can Barney gave the fall. To date, it remains the most disgusting joke I have ever heard in my life. And no, I do not say."
24691,84,4,20,"Lily: Yeah, I can not hang out with you."
24692,84,4,20,Lily leaves the bar.
24693,84,4,20,Barney: Come on. It's funny. This is...
24694,84,4,20,Ted: I told you so.
24695,84,4,20,Barney: She'll be back.
24696,84,4,20,Ted (2030): And we saw more Lily for 4 weeks.
24697,84,4,20,GENERIC
24698,84,4,20,"Ted (2030): The children, after being fired, I finally realized my lifelong dream: to create my own architectural firm. I had just customers."
24699,84,4,20,Ted checks the phone.
24700,84,4,20,"Robin, out of the room: I think it's great that you fly with your own wings. I admire that."
24701,84,4,20,Ted: Thank you. And thank you for letting me use the apartment.
24702,84,4,20,"Robin: Yeah, sure. Anything you want."
24703,84,4,20,"Ted: A little thing, do you mind to cut off the TV during labor?"
24704,84,4,20,Robin: It's not work!
24705,84,4,20,"Ted: Sorry. It's just... I can not concentrate during the Wheel of Fortune... A penny saved is a penny, Helen!"
24706,84,4,20,"Robin: I know you're nervous, but we must stop procrastinating. You've spent two days to choose the pen official Mosbius Designs."
24707,84,4,20,Ted: I've suggested! I removed the felt. I make fun of that? The felt is back.
24708,84,4,20,Barney comes to see that Marshall is in his office.
24709,84,4,20,Barney: You know for layoffs?
24710,84,4,20,"Marshall: Yes, I know. I tag. Are you worried?"
24711,84,4,20,"Barney: Are you kidding? I know one thing about this company. I will never be fired. It is likely that one day I was stranded on a beach with no footprints or teeth, but I will not fire."
24712,84,4,20,Marshall: I would like to have your insurance.
24713,84,4,20,Barney: You just gotta find a way to make you absolutely critical.
24714,84,4,20,Marshall: I work harder than anyone in my division.
24715,84,4,20,Barney: Keep your job has nothing to do with being a hard worker. You need something.
24716,84,4,20,Marshall: What do you mean something?
24717,84,4,20,"Barney: You know, something that makes you funny and loved, as Marcus Denisco."
24718,84,4,20,Flashback
24719,84,4,20,Barney is in a meeting.
24720,84,4,20,"Ted (2030): Marcus Denisco worked in accounting, and it was probably the worst employee of the box."
24721,84,4,20,Marcus: I brought donuts. They are probably stupid.
24722,84,4,20,"Ted (2030): But ultimately, it was called..."
24723,84,4,20,All: Chow-man!
24724,84,4,20,Marcus: Who wants pork barbecue? Of course you want!
24725,84,4,20,End flashback
24726,84,4,20,Marshall: I love Chow-man. They can not fire him. You know what I like about Chow-man?
24727,84,4,20,Barney: It's always food.
24728,84,4,20,Marshall: It's always food.
24729,84,4,20,Barney: You see? You need it. You need that thing that makes you a man.
24730,84,4,20,Marshall: I have this thing that makes me a guy. Maybe even a guy and a half.
24731,84,4,20,"Barney: Not this stuff. You know, something. Toy-like man."
24732,84,4,20,Flashback
24733,84,4,20,"Marshall and Barney are in the office filled with toys, one of their colleagues."
24734,84,4,20,"Toy-Man: Bad news. As HR, I must review the new overtime policy with you. The good news is that we will do with Wolverine's claws! (They start to play all three) Section 5A: doing overtime will no longer be paid double."
24735,84,4,20,Marshall: That's great!
24736,84,4,20,Barney: Claw tape!
24737,84,4,20,End flashback
24738,84,4,20,Marshall: I love Toy-man.
24739,84,4,20,Barney: You see? You need something. Youtube-like man.
24740,84,4,20,Flashback
24741,84,4,20,Marshall and Barney watch a video in the office of another of their colleagues.
24742,84,4,20,End flashback
24743,84,4,20,Marshall: You're right. I need something.
24744,84,4,20,Barney: But choose wisely. You want to become the horrible man Massage.
24745,84,4,20,Flashback
24746,84,4,20,Marshall and Barney are in the conference room.
24747,84,4,20,Barney: You filled it. Grub-man has a panna cotta in his office.
24748,84,4,20,"Massage man, massaging the shoulders of Marshall: Hi, dude."
24749,84,4,20,"Marshall: Hi, Douglas."
24750,84,4,20,Douglas: You're so tense.
24751,84,4,20,"Marshall: I was relaxed, two seconds ago."
24752,84,4,20,"Douglas, Barney: You're next."
24753,84,4,20,End flashback
24754,84,4,20,Robin returned to the apartment.
24755,84,4,20,Man: Welcome to Mosbius Designs.
24756,84,4,20,Robin: Who are you?
24757,84,4,20,"Man: PJ, the assistant of Mr. Mosby."
24758,84,4,20,Robin: What's going on?
24759,84,4,20,PJ: Sorry. You do not interrupt Mr. Mosby during his hours of reflection.
24760,84,4,20,"Ted, by phone at PJ interposed: Good, PJ. This is Robin. She lives here."
24761,84,4,20,"PJ: Sorry for the inconvenience, sir. You need something else?"
24762,84,4,20,Ted: I would not refuse a cup of coffee.
24763,84,4,20,Robin: You're right next door!
24764,84,4,20,Ted and Robin went down to the bar where Barney goes with them.
24765,84,4,20,Robin: So now Ted is assisted to do nothing.
24766,84,4,20,"Ted: PJ is a great help. Install the desktop, create the Web site. And in return, I guide a young brilliant mind."
24767,84,4,20,"Robin: Yes, the guide."
24768,84,4,20,Flashback
24769,84,4,20,Ted is in the apartment with a man eats and Robin.
24770,84,4,20,Ted: I want you to go out today and... put your hands on the buildings. Okay? Sense the vibrations of the concrete. Listen to the stories that you tell the stones. And going to the cleaners.
24771,84,4,20,"Man: I will. Thank you very much, Mr. Mosby."
24772,84,4,20,Ted: All right.
24773,84,4,20,The man left the apartment and Robin puts his ear on the table.
24774,84,4,20,Robin: This table just told me that you're an idiot.
24775,84,4,20,End flashback
24776,84,4,20,Robin: This idea of being a guide is to procrastinate the fact of calling customers.
24777,84,4,20,"Ted: I do not procrastinate. I just want everything to be perfect, right? I have only one test."
24778,84,4,20,"Robin: Okay, but PJ does not help."
24779,84,4,20,"Barney: If Ted says that PJ is necessary to society, then PJ will go nowhere."
24780,84,4,20,Ted: You see? It is useful.
24781,84,4,20,"Barney: PJ is a guy? PJ, this is not a hottie you f*ck?"
24782,84,4,20,"Ted: No, I guide him."
24783,84,4,20,"Barney: A Guide. I guided a young, once. I made him my co-pilot. Then one day, he hired an assistant to work 3 meters from her room, which... Check it out... is not a hottie, proving he has never listened. You know how to call this type?"
24784,84,4,20,Ted: Ted Mosby?
24785,84,4,20,"Barney: Maybe. I remember more. Because for me he is dead!(He rises) PJ will receive a mail with a disruptive place, it should in any circumstances be three days and then send it to me."
24786,84,4,20,"Everyone leaves the meeting room, Marshall called Barney who is about to leave too."
24787,84,4,20,"Marshall: I thought of something to become indispensable.The Ecolo-man! Everyone loves recycling, eh?"
24788,84,4,20,Barney: Fired. What else you got?
24789,84,4,20,Marshall: I have others. Ties-Fun-man.
24790,84,4,20,Barney: Fired.
24791,84,4,20,Marshall: Info-Unusual-man?
24792,84,4,20,Barney: Did you know? Whether you're fired?
24793,84,4,20,Marshall: Stretch-man?
24794,84,4,20,Barney: upside down Viré.
24795,84,4,20,Marshall: The Monty-Python-man?
24796,84,4,20,Barney: We are the knights who say... You're fired.
24797,84,4,20,Marshall: Wait! I ran a simulation league baseball in school.
24798,84,4,20,Barney: Not bad. You got maybe something.
24799,84,4,20,Marshall: Great! Great! I Simulates-man!
24800,84,4,20,"Barney: Actually, you'll Sports-man. We have already Simulates-man."
24801,84,4,20,"Man: OK, guys?"
24802,84,4,20,"Barney: Hi, Frank."
24803,84,4,20,Ted size pen when the phone rings.
24804,84,4,20,"Ted: Hello? Hello, PJ. Where are you? You're never late.You're mounted on the Empire State Building? Listen to the old lady. She knows stories. Take your time. (Hangs up) Wait.""Ted Mosby House."" The call comes from within! (He opens the bedroom door and discovered Robin in bed with PJ) This is not the Empire State Building. You can not sleep with my assistant. I try to work here, me. How did that happen?"
24805,84,4,20,"Robin: At noon, when you go to any walk of reflection, that leaves us time to spend together."
24806,84,4,20,Flashback
24807,84,4,20,Ted is at the door of the apartment while PJ is behind his desk.
24808,84,4,20,Ted: Inspiration... do your work.
24809,84,4,20,"PJ: Each time, chief. Every time."
24810,84,4,20,"He left the apartment, leaving Robin with PJ."
24811,84,4,20,"Robin: Tell me, PJ, I have a question for you architecture.Ted's ass what taste?"
24812,84,4,20,"PJ: No idea, but probably the taste of engineering."
24813,84,4,20,Robin: It's locked?
24814,84,4,20,PJ: Visitors must register for the key.
24815,84,4,20,"Robin: Listen, PJ. And I want you to think seriously before answering. You tell me I can not go to the bathroom with me?"
24816,84,4,20,PJ: I tell you that you must ask permission to use the toilet in my premises.
24817,84,4,20,Robin: Why does it excite me?
24818,84,4,20,She grabs him by the neck and kisses him.
24819,84,4,20,End flashback
24820,84,4,20,Ted: There's billions of guys on Earth. Why do you sleep with him?
24821,84,4,20,"Robin: When I leave the job, it is 5:30 am. Got an idea of guys I meet?"
24822,84,4,20,Flashback
24823,84,4,20,
24824,84,4,20,Robin is at the bar with a man.
24825,84,4,20,"Man: I distribute the newspaper, it's dirty but someone has to do. Do not worry, I wash them before you fiddle with the parties."
24826,84,4,20,Then with another...
24827,84,4,20,"Man: I live with my mom. In the evening they watch TV in bed.It's called ""The club hugs."""
24828,84,4,20,And yet another...
24829,84,4,20,"Robin: So, you get up very early to discuss the European market? How is it?"
24830,84,4,20,"Man: Look, we'll do it or not?"
24831,84,4,20,End flashback
24832,84,4,20,"Ted: First, I know Simulates-man, this is a good match.Second, it must stop! If you distract PJ, you lose productivity."
24833,84,4,20,Robin: What productivity? You did not call a single customer.
24834,84,4,20,"Ted: Once launched the website, printed brochures, and the choice of games at the business seminar, I will call."
24835,84,4,20,Robin: Seminar?
24836,84,4,20,PJ: Mr. Mosby and I are going camping on the roof.
24837,84,4,20,Marshall is in his office when Barney comes to see.
24838,84,4,20,Barney: Sports-man. I heard people talking about your club.
24839,84,4,20,"Marshall: It's a bit harder than I thought. Registration fees, transaction charges penalty, I... keeps a lot of money."
24840,84,4,20,Flashback
24841,84,4,20,Marshall is in the meeting room.
24842,84,4,20,"Grub-man: Good job, Sport-man. That's last week."
24843,84,4,20,"Marshall: 60, 80, 100. $ 18 000 in cash. It's nothing. I'll bring it home and put them in a safe place. (Marshall is in the street) OK, walk down the street with money in his pocket. Not touch the money. It's so obvious. Be natural. The baby looks at me.Babies can smell money. It is known! I carry a lot of money!"
24844,84,4,20,He starts running.
24845,84,4,20,End flashback
24846,84,4,20,Barney and Marshall are in McClaren's.
24847,84,4,20,"Marshall: Really, dude, I know not how long I'll keep."
24848,84,4,20,Barney: Last week you were a waste that nobody was looking.Now you're Sports-man.
24849,84,4,20,Marshall: A waste?
24850,84,4,20,Barney: Last week!
24851,84,4,20,"Ted enters the bar, followed by Robin."
24852,84,4,20,Marshall: This is Ted Mosby Mosbius Designs. How is the home office?
24853,84,4,20,"Ted: Okay, until Robin sleeps with my assistant."
24854,84,4,20,"Robin: This is our apartment. You let a cake on the counter, Mama's going to offer a slice."
24855,84,4,20,"Barney: I've told you, commits a pretty assistant with whom you can sleep instead of hiring an assistant with whom Robin sleeps. Of course he'll sleep with her. It is the coolest on the planet. I am off topic! You're an idiot! This is my message!You're an idiot! An angry person, that's not enough! Marshall with me!"
24856,84,4,20,Barney and Marshall away.
24857,84,4,20,"Marshall: Dude, why are you so upset that Ted does not sleep with the people he hires?"
24858,84,4,20,Barney: Because it hurts!
24859,84,4,20,Marshall: How so?
24860,84,4,20,Barney: It hurts because I love... when Ted... layer with women. I am a very devoted friend! Lily is the only one I can talk. Tell him to talk to me.
24861,84,4,20,"Marshall: I'll try, but no warranty. She is still shocked by this joke. This joke. It tore our group, which turns the people I love against the other. Frankly, I would... I would like this joke is never entered our lives."
24862,84,4,20,"Barney: It's funny anyway, right?"
24863,84,4,20,Marshall: It's very funny.
24864,84,4,20,Ted comes home and finds PJ behind his desk.
24865,84,4,20,"Ted: Good news, PJ. The brochures just arrived. Great choice for coverage. I like that instead of one of my creations, you to choose that."
24866,84,4,20,A photo of Robin and PJ.
24867,84,4,20,PJ: You know what? I had to send the wrong photo.
24868,84,4,20,"Ted: You think so? Listen to PJ, the website is still not done.You're not even come to the seminar... In fact, I saw a shooting star... and you're late every day. Sorry, PJ. I must be concentrated. You're fired."
24869,84,4,20,PJ: You can not fire me...
24870,84,4,20,Ted: You're fired.
24871,84,4,20,"PJ: Well! (He takes his phone) Hi, baby, I've just been fired.Yes, I'll wait with you. (He settles on the couch and turn on the TV) The Wheel of Fortune."
24872,84,4,20,Robin is with PJ on the couch.
24873,84,4,20,PJ: I like having all this time to spend with you book. I'll kiss you there... And there... And here and there. And...
24874,84,4,20,Robin: One more.
24875,84,4,20,Ted: Stop.
24876,84,4,20,PJ: I'm going to the toilet. I'll miss you.
24877,84,4,20,Robin: I'll miss you too.
24878,84,4,20,PJ gets up and goes to the bathroom.
24879,84,4,20,Ted: You've already tired of him.
24880,84,4,20,"Robin: It is driving me crazy. When PJ was working, he was sexy. The keeper of the key toilet. A sexy guy that says when you can go to the bathroom or not? It's the dream."
24881,84,4,20,"Ted: ""It's the dream""? The dream? As mentioned by Martin Luther King?"
24882,84,4,20,"Robin: I have to stop, right? I know not break."
24883,84,4,20,"PJ: I still have to go, but I could no longer stay away from you."
24884,84,4,20,"Robin: Listen... Dude, I know."
24885,84,4,20,PJ: What?
24886,84,4,20,"Robin: Yes, it's just... It's not really... that, you know?"
24887,84,4,20,PJ: It's on what?
24888,84,4,20,Robin: I feel it.
24889,84,4,20,PJ: Do you not feel anything?
24890,84,4,20,Robin: But friends and others.
24891,84,4,20,"Ted: My God, this is the worst break."
24892,84,4,20,PJ: You're breaking up with me?
24893,84,4,20,"Robin: If this is what you want, I totally understand."
24894,84,4,20,Marshall and Barney are in the boardroom.
24895,84,4,20,Toy-man: You do not use this short-stop that the Mariners have discussed. I must have.
24896,84,4,20,"Barney: You see, Sports-man. People adore you."
24897,84,4,20,"Marshall: I can be more Sports-man. I'm going crazy! I keep receiving text messages, emails and calls in the middle of the night. Sometimes I even think that I follow."
24898,84,4,20,"Douglas: Hi, dude. We need you to do this exchange, I can prepare my team. You are really tight, is it not?"
24899,84,4,20,"Marshall: Seriously, it's over."
24900,84,4,20,Douglas: I stop?
24901,84,4,20,Marshall: No.
24902,84,4,20,"Ted (2030): With the breakdown of Robin and PJ, I was free to change the personnel office."
24903,84,4,20,"Robin returned to the apartment, where Ted works."
24904,84,4,20,PJ: Welcome Mosbius Designs.
24905,84,4,20,Robin: Are you kidding?
24906,84,4,20,Ted (2030): Now that PJ came back to work...
24907,84,4,20,Ted returned to the apartment and finds Robin and PJ kissing on the couch.
24908,84,4,20,Ted: Are you kidding?
24909,84,4,20,Marshall and Barney are at the bar.
24910,84,4,20,"Marshall: Apparently, Robin and PJ are together again."
24911,84,4,20,Barney: You're kidding!
24912,84,4,20,Marshall: How are you?
24913,84,4,20,"Barney: As Lily not speaking to me, I must tell you something.And it's not easy to say, OK? I... wait... 'm... wait... love...wait... of... wait... a... wait... some... wait..."
24914,84,4,20,Marshall: I know you're in love with Robin.
24915,84,4,20,Barney: What?
24916,84,4,20,Marshall: Lily told me.
24917,84,4,20,Barney: She told you? Great. I guess you marrez my back all this time.
24918,84,4,20,"Marshall: Actually, oddly, we both think you're meant for each other."
24919,84,4,20,Barney: Really?
24920,84,4,20,Marshall: It even tries to sit on the same side for you to sit side by side.
24921,84,4,20,"Barney: Really? This is so cute. But let's be clear. I do not like it, OK? It's just that... I miss when she is not there. I think about her all the time, I guess one day we will run towards each other in slow motion and I wear a suede jacket."
24922,84,4,20,Marshall: Tell her how you feel?
24923,84,4,20,"Barney: No. Perhaps. Ever. I know not. Listen... I just need to get rid of that idiot PJ. If Lily was there, she would know how to get rid of him."
24924,84,4,20,Marshall: I can perhaps help you.
24925,84,4,20,"Barney: You're not Lily. Lily is a diabolical puppet master, the subtle situations to achieve its ends. This is evil incarnate. You have the right. Cling to it."
24926,84,4,20,PJ returned to the apartment with flowers.
24927,84,4,20,"Ted (2030): Meanwhile, I thank you without fight against Robin and PJ continued."
24928,84,4,20,Ted: I was going to do my walk with wisdom. Want to go?
24929,84,4,20,Robin: I took the key to the toilet without asking. Are you gonna do?
24930,84,4,20,"PJ: Listen... you're great. But I chose another job. This is for you. Robin, I hope this letter will offer a conclusion. You will really miss."
24931,84,4,20,Meeting Room of Goliath National Bank...
24932,84,4,20,Chow-Man: Manny Ramirez is not exchange against two replacements!
24933,84,4,20,"Toy-man: If you put your veto, I am going!"
24934,84,4,20,PJ: I'll find something.
24935,84,4,20,"Barney: Hire the kid as his assistant. He does all the work and you're still Sports-man. Evil incarnate, Eriksen. Evil incarnate."
24936,84,4,20,Robin returned to the apartment while Ted is at his desk.
24937,84,4,20,Robin: Are you okay?
24938,84,4,20,Ted: And if I did not think the books?
24939,84,4,20,Robin: Sorry?
24940,84,4,20,"Ted: There is a history of architecture on a famous architect who designed the library. She was perfect. But every year, sinking a few inches into the ground. Obviously, the building was condemned. He forgot to take into account the weight of books. This box... it's just me. If I ever thought not to books?"
24941,84,4,20,"Robin: No one goes to the library, so you do not care of this type. And you must pick up the phone and call customers."
24942,84,4,20,"Ted: The more I delayed the launch of my box, the more it can remain a dream and not something that I screwed up. It's like if I quit before it began."
24943,84,4,20,"Robin: You wanna talk drop? I described as the perfect guy ""funny, intelligent, passionate, ambitious."" And apparently, I just... ""In my apartment."" You thought that you would have understood, now?"
24944,84,4,20,"Ted: Are you kidding? At 30, I had to have an insolent success, being married to the perfect woman, maybe a kid on the way. Instead, I'm just a guy sitting in his apartment, which is a competition look with his phone. And who loses."
24945,84,4,20,Robin: You can do it.
24946,84,4,20,Ted picks up the phone and dials a number.
24947,84,4,20,"Ted: Hello, Ted Mosby Mosbius Designs. I learn about your design needs, present or future."
24948,84,4,20,Robin: It looks good.
24949,84,4,20,Ted: I looked confident?
24950,84,4,20,Robin: Now known as a real customer.
24951,84,4,20,Ted: Great.
24952,84,4,20,Marshall and Barney eats in the boardroom.
24953,84,4,20,"Marshall: Hey, Chow-man!"
24954,84,4,20,"Barney: Hey, Toy-man!"
24955,84,4,20,Marshall: Who's this guy?
24956,84,4,20,Barney: He is not here. I think we should leave.
24957,84,4,20,Marshall: Really?
24958,84,4,20,Barney: It's happened before.
24959,85,4,21,Ted is in McClaren's number and its exchange with a woman.
24960,85,4,21,Ted: Super. So I'll call you.
24961,85,4,21,Woman: I hope so.
24962,85,4,21,"The woman leaves and Ted joins Barney, Marshall and Robin at their usual table."
24963,85,4,21,Marshall: Look at this.
24964,85,4,21,Ted: I had the number of that girl. Look. Holly.
24965,85,4,21,"Barney: Owl. The girls with a name ending in LY are dirty.Holly, Kelly, Carly, Lily."
24966,85,4,21,"Marshall: Yeah, it's true."
24967,85,4,21,"Barney: And not to mention the girls with names ending in I instead of a Y. These girls are like rides. You make the long tail, but once inside, you hold on, hoping not to lose your keys."
24968,85,4,21,"Ted: You know what I'm going to do? I'll call on. I will do ""you remember me? It's been a "". It's funny because I just saw."
24969,85,4,21,Barney: You can not. You must wait three days before calling.This is the rule.
24970,85,4,21,"Ted: This rule is completely outdated. They know exactly what you do. I have another rule. It's a bit crazy, but I call it, ""you like him, you call him."""
24971,85,4,21,Barney: Sorry. Can you repeat that? I do not mean the I-fuck-ever.
24972,85,4,21,"Ted: My rule of three days, it is anything. Who invented it?"
24973,85,4,21,Barney: Jesus.
24974,85,4,21,"Marshall: Barney, do not do that. Not with Jesus."
24975,85,4,21,"Barney: Seriously. Jesus began this thing for three days. He waited three days to return to life. It was perfect. If he had waited one day we would not have known he was dead! They would have said: ""Jesus, are you? ""And Jesus would probably have said,"" You okay? I died yesterday! ""And they would say:"" You have the air alive, man. "" And they should explain his resurrection. And the miracle. And then the guy would say, ""Okay, whatever you want, dude."""
24976,85,4,21,Robin: The dialogues seem pompous old now.
24977,85,4,21,"Barney: And he will not come back on a Saturday. Everyone is busy doing chores. Weave, cut the beard. No. It looked exactly the right number of days... Three."
24978,85,4,21,"Ted: I promise, I'll wait three days. Stop talking."
24979,85,4,21,"Barney: And it's Sunday, they are all already in the church.They are all there, ""No, Jesus died."" Then, bam! He burst through the door, crossed the aisle, everyone is excited. And by the way, that's where he invented the ""tope there! ""3 days.We wait three days to call a woman because it is the time that Jesus wants us to wait. True story."
24980,85,4,21,GENERIC
24981,85,4,21,Ted: Okay. I promise. I will call not before three days.
24982,85,4,21,Ted is in the apartment.
24983,85,4,21,"Ted (2030): But I said nothing about texting. I started with something pretty and charming. ""I thought about you, then, I thought you send a text message piti."" By pressing send, I realized that it was not at all charming. That was the thing that sucks the most anyone has told someone. And the worst with texting, is that once sent... can not recover them. And then...(23 minutes later...) you wait. And just when you decided to never again send a text message... (His phone rings) ""I thought you too, it's crazy that you send me a text when I'm in my bath."""
24984,85,4,21,Holly is in her bath with her phone and Robin leaves his room.
24985,85,4,21,Robin: What was that?
24986,85,4,21,Ted: What?
24987,85,4,21,Robin: You made a noise.
24988,85,4,21,"Ted: This is my laptop, a text message."
24989,85,4,21,Robin: Not that. You made the sound of the naked girl.
24990,85,4,21,Ted: What?
24991,85,4,21,"Robin: When you see a naked girl, you make noise."
24992,85,4,21,Ted: That's not true.
24993,85,4,21,Robin: Really?
24994,85,4,21,Flashback
24995,85,4,21,"Ted enters the bathroom, but once spring."
24996,85,4,21,"Ted: Sorry, Lily."
24997,85,4,21,Ted and Robin are watching TV.
24998,85,4,21,"Voice: While the men hunt, women of the Korowai tribe native wash their clothes in the river."
24999,85,4,21,They are now in the museum.
25000,85,4,21,Ted: It's a breast.
25001,85,4,21,End flashback
25002,85,4,21,Robin: This is Holly who writes to you? You're not promised to wait three days?
25003,85,4,21,"Ted: To call. Texting, it's different."
25004,85,4,21,"Robin: Okay, just try to proclaim your sound of the naked girl."
25005,85,4,21,Ted: I make no noise.
25006,85,4,21,Robin: Really?
25007,85,4,21,"She opens her robe and went to the bathroom while Ted is the ""noise""."
25008,85,4,21,"Ted (2030): Holly and I, we had sent text messages until 2am.And all the next day, too. It seemed perfect."
25009,85,4,21,Ted: Holly just told me what she wears. It's pretty exciting.
25010,85,4,21,"Robin: Whatever it is, I guarantee you she do not wear it. She lies to please you."
25011,85,4,21,Ted: How do you know?
25012,85,4,21,"Robin: Because no woman in history has never, ""asked to read architectural magazines in my old... uniform cheerleader. """
25013,85,4,21,"Ted: Okay, maybe she's lying on the architectural magazines.No. This is bad."
25014,85,4,21,Robin: What?
25015,85,4,21,Ted: She just sent me a message clearly intended for someone else.
25016,85,4,21,"Robin: ""Baby, I got to eat at Generro. I come home soon. ""Yes, it sounds bad, but thinking a little. It is perhaps for his brother or father who is ill."
25017,85,4,21,Ted: Come down.
25018,85,4,21,"Robin: ""And then I want to... you to take me on the couch.""Maybe not a sick father. Father or a really sick... Right? Sorry."
25019,85,4,21,Robin joins Marshall and Barney at the bar.
25020,85,4,21,Robin: Hi guys! What is it?
25021,85,4,21,Marshall: A meal that I Generro back to Lily.
25022,85,4,21,Robin: Bizarre. Holly sent a message to Ted talking about a meal Generro. A second. Band of bastards!
25023,85,4,21,Barney: What?
25024,85,4,21,Robin: You are Holly! So Ted did not send messages to Holly? He sent to you?
25025,85,4,21,"Barney: We knew he would try to call three days before, so I took his cell phone and changed his number from mine."
25026,85,4,21,"Marshall: We wanted to call the chopper too early, but then he... sent text messages."
25027,85,4,21,Flashback
25028,85,4,21,Marshall and Barney are at the bar.
25029,85,4,21,"Barney: ""Piti texting""?"
25030,85,4,21,"Marshall: Poor, little Ted. It should... He should say it estnous."
25031,85,4,21,Barney: Yeah. Or... it pretends to Holly and we are in the bath.
25032,85,4,21,Marshall: It's better. It was funny. He should say that it is us.
25033,85,4,21,"Barney: It should. Or... it is said that red is our favorite color and found the look ""cowboy"" sexy."
25034,85,4,21,Marshall: It's better.
25035,85,4,21,Ted was at the apartment in a bathrobe and cowboy boots.
25036,85,4,21,Ted: I wear them right now and they are very sexy.
25037,85,4,21,Barney: He put the boots!
25038,85,4,21,Marshall: He bluntly put! It was great! But it's time to tell him that he wears.
25039,85,4,21,Barney: Or... we remove our shirts.
25040,85,4,21,Marshall: It's better.
25041,85,4,21,"Barney: Maybe that door below, a black bra with lace."
25042,85,4,21,Marshall: I believe that wearing anything underneath.
25043,85,4,21,Barney: It is hot.
25044,85,4,21,"Marshall: There, he wears only cowboy boots! Here we go!"
25045,85,4,21,Barney: Too! Tell him we slowly drag our... What do we do?
25046,85,4,21,Marshall: I think we'll... have s*x with Ted.
25047,85,4,21,End flashback
25048,85,4,21,Robin: You did this all day? This is wicked.
25049,85,4,21,"Marshall: No, actually it was for his good. It protects it from itself. He really likes this girl. He had that look."
25050,85,4,21,"Barney: The crazy eyes, ""I'm going too fast and I will f*ck up everything."""
25051,85,4,21,Marshall: The same he had with you the first time.
25052,85,4,21,Barney: We all know what it gave.
25053,85,4,21,Flashback
25054,85,4,21,Ted dances with Robin.
25055,85,4,21,Ted: I'm in love with you.
25056,85,4,21,Robin: What?
25057,85,4,21,End flashback
25058,85,4,21,"Robin: I was a single case. This is not Holly Robin Scherbatsky. What is wrong with her hair? News Flash: detangling, it exists for not having a helmet. I'm so mean."
25059,85,4,21,"Marshall: It's been that Ted did not like someone. He stored much... We thought him to say ""I love you"" when he contacted her."
25060,85,4,21,Barney: And it's coming. It shows all the telltale signs.
25061,85,4,21,Marshall: First: he jokes with the marriage.
25062,85,4,21,"Barney: ""You like architecture? We should get married. Ha-ha.MDR. Just kidding. So what? """
25063,85,4,21,Marshall: Deuzio: it's far too early suggestions crazy travel.
25064,85,4,21,"Barney: ""I like beer. We should go to Germany. MDR. JP.MDR. """
25065,85,4,21,Marshall: Third: it says too early personal things.
25066,85,4,21,"Barney: ""My parents divorced two years there. It was really hard. MDR. """
25067,85,4,21,Robin: And he really knows not what means MDR.
25068,85,4,21,"Marshall: Yeah, but that's the problem. Ted did not say ""I love you"" as easily as we thought."
25069,85,4,21,Barney: And then we met Stan.
25070,85,4,21,Flashback
25071,85,4,21,Marshall and Barney are still at the bar texting.
25072,85,4,21,Stan: Why do you so much noise?
25073,85,4,21,End flashback
25074,85,4,21,"Marshall: So, he explained everything and once finished, there was something fascinating."
25075,85,4,21,Flashback
25076,85,4,21,"Stan: Why not say you know it's there, thinking of you, concerned about you, and you feel safe? Your fears, your past disappear. And that the only hope is the promise of a hug."
25077,85,4,21,End flashback
25078,85,4,21,Robin: Super Stan. Who is it?
25079,85,4,21,Barney: A guard who works nights.
25080,85,4,21,Marshall: He eats here every day.
25081,85,4,21,Barney: And he had not finished.
25082,85,4,21,Marshall: Far from it.
25083,85,4,21,Flashback
25084,85,4,21,"Stan: I thank God for every mistake I made, because each of them told me the path that led me to you."
25085,85,4,21,Marshall: It's... really nice.
25086,85,4,21,Barney: No matter. It's OK.
25087,85,4,21,
25088,85,4,21,Ted sits at the apartment to read a text message.
25089,85,4,21,"Holly: ""And when, finally, we will be together, I want you to enlaces. """
25090,85,4,21,Stan: Hug me all night. Stroking my hair. Tell me I'm a woman and show me that you are a man. Until there is now. You and me... and now.
25091,85,4,21,Marshall: You want me to send it to Ted. I knew it.
25092,85,4,21,"Holly: ""I do not ask someone to explain the night. I wait and it envelops me. And you're like bread, light and shadow. """
25093,85,4,21,Stan: This is Pablo Neruda.
25094,85,4,21,"Marshall: I do not know... what comes to the bread here, but it touches me... here... and here."
25095,85,4,21,"Barney: Well, if Ted does not say, I will. I love you."
25096,85,4,21,Stan: That's cool. Still nothing?
25097,85,4,21,Marshall: It is perhaps not in love with us.
25098,85,4,21,Barney: How is this possible? It's all there waiting!
25099,85,4,21,Marshall: I do not understand men.
25100,85,4,21,Stan: I go to work.
25101,85,4,21,Marshall: Do... you come back?
25102,85,4,21,"Stan: I'll be back when the wind, destiny and luck will take me back. That is to say tomorrow. This is the day of the cheesesteak."
25103,85,4,21,End flashback
25104,85,4,21,Robin: That guy you fell in love. I hope his girlfriend is not jealous. He spoke of a friend or...?
25105,85,4,21,Barney: All was well until he sends a text message for Lily and ruins everything.
25106,85,4,21,"Robin: It's okay. It's over now. I have to leave, but that's what happens: you call it now, tell him what you did and apologize.Got it?"
25107,85,4,21,Barney: Yes. (Barney out of the bar) Or...
25108,85,4,21,Robin returned to the apartment.
25109,85,4,21,"Ted: Holly explained everything to me, it was just a misunderstanding. All is well now."
25110,85,4,21,Robin: Really? How she explained the scope of texting?
25111,85,4,21,"Ted: Apparently, his idiot friend of Marsha accidentally used his phone for a message to her husband Billy."
25112,85,4,21,Robin: Marsha and Billy. They are not trampled.
25113,85,4,21,"Ted: And now I feel better than ever. It sounds crazy, but I think that I am attached to this girl."
25114,85,4,21,Robin: You cling to Barney and Marshall.
25115,85,4,21,Ted: What?
25116,85,4,21,"Robin: They did not believe that you'd wait three days, so Barney has changed his number by that of his work laptop.Holly is Barney and Marshall."
25117,85,4,21,"Ted: Wait. It was them all along? So Holly was not in his bath?Or sitting by the window, gazing at the stars thinking of me? Or on his couch cheerleader reading architecture magazines?"
25118,85,4,21,Robin: I think they have done that. They were just at the bar.
25119,85,4,21,Ted: It's true.
25120,85,4,21,"Robin: Yes, it was them."
25121,85,4,21,Ted: Incredible!
25122,85,4,21,Robin: I know. You should tell them that you are not fooled.
25123,85,4,21,Ted: Or... I send them a text message that will really confuse them.
25124,85,4,21,"Robin: I see. Why not: ""I have told anyone yet, but I only have three months to live""?"
25125,85,4,21,"Ted: Not bad. And: ""I killed a man with a shovel, and those feelings resurface""?"
25126,85,4,21,Robin: I love this thing someone said about three months to live.
25127,85,4,21,"Ted: ""I've never told anyone but I slept with the mother of my best friend. """
25128,85,4,21,"Robin: It's good, but I think it comes down to trick the three months to live."
25129,85,4,21,Ted: Wait. I think I have.
25130,85,4,21,Marshall and Barney are in the latter's office.
25131,85,4,21,"Marshall: He replied! ""I probably should not tell you, finally, we barely knew, but never mind, I say it anyway. """
25132,85,4,21,"Barney: That's it, man. This is the ""I love you."""
25133,85,4,21,Marshall: I would like Stan to be there.
25134,85,4,21,Barney: Stan. What?
25135,85,4,21,"Marshall: ""I sometimes have dreams about my gay best friend."""
25136,85,4,21,"Barney: ""I sometimes have dreams about my gay best friend. """
25137,85,4,21,"Marshall: Ted Why send text messages to a girl he barely knows, where he says he dreams about me gay?"
25138,85,4,21,Barney: Easy. You? He speaks clearly to me.
25139,85,4,21,"Marshall: Dude, I'm his best friend."
25140,85,4,21,"Barney: Okay, one: It has never been proven. Two: If anyone had any dreams about gays one of us would be on me! Finally, look at me. Now look at you. An octogenarian still in her closet would not be in this state."
25141,85,4,21,"Marshall: That's the trick. I hug you, no. Who would not want to cuddle in this case, on Sunday morning? Wrapped in the quilt while it is raining, and there are muffins in the oven. I'm cuddly, bitch. You must do."
25142,85,4,21,Barney: I train every day. One thing we know about Ted is that he likes a nice body. This body would vibrate.
25143,85,4,21,"Marshall: Ted and I, we lived. I know what he likes. There are things I can do it... he époustoufleraient Why do they sleep with Ted?"
25144,85,4,21,Barney: I know. It's weird.
25145,85,4,21,Barney and Marshall are in McClaren's with Robin.
25146,85,4,21,"Barney: Crazy, no? Ted had dreams about me gay."
25147,85,4,21,"Marshall: And by ""me"", he means Marshall Eriksen, star of Ted's gay dreams."
25148,85,4,21,"Robin: So what? So Ted has gay dreams about one of you. It's not as if he had three months to live. It would... Shocking, no?"
25149,85,4,21,Marshall: Look at this guy. How is my best friend for 12 years?
25150,85,4,21,"Ted: It's a bit weird, but... I had a strange dream yesterday. It's a bit embarrassing."
25151,85,4,21,Barney: You can tell us. This is a secure area.
25152,85,4,21,Marshall: Your feelings are quite natural.
25153,85,4,21,Ted: That's what happened.
25154,85,4,21,"Ted (2030): And I wasted half an hour of life of these bastards, tell them about this dream where I dine with my top 5 best architects."
25155,85,4,21,"Ted: Then at the end of the meal, Frank Gehry addition to the slides and IM Pei said, ""Friend, tonight is your name I Paye.""Buckminster Fuller was almost choking. And I woke up."
25156,85,4,21,Marshall: That's it?
25157,85,4,21,Barney: No more dreams? Nothing disturbing or erotic?
25158,85,4,21,"Marshall: OK, what do you say that. You know that someday in the future, machines will rebel?"
25159,85,4,21,Ted: Of course.
25160,85,4,21,"Marshall: So, the machines... killed everyone. And there are only you, me, and Barney. Who among us would you... you?"
25161,85,4,21,"Ted: And.. why should I ""make me"" one of you?"
25162,85,4,21,Barney: Machines force you. They want to watch. That's how they erupt.
25163,85,4,21,"Ted: It's hard. I imagine it would be... Holly. Robin told me everything. That's why I invented everything. Guys, here is Holly. And I have not waited for your precious three days to call. I knew where she was working so I found. Let me ask you? It was too early?"
25164,85,4,21,Holly: I loved that he called me right away. It's very romantic.And I do not assoies home to read architectural magazines uniformed cheerleader. I do it naked.
25165,85,4,21,Ted: Holly and I are going to dinner.
25166,85,4,21,Holly: I'll meet you outside.
25167,85,4,21,Holly leaves the bar.
25168,85,4,21,Marshall: Sorry. It was just trying to help you.
25169,85,4,21,"Barney: And also, it was really funny."
25170,85,4,21,"Ted: I do not need help, OK? I can look after myself. And yes, maybe some girls do not like to be called away or they may say too, but guess what? These are not good for me. Maybe the good is the one that loves me to do that, because... this is who I am and I will not change because of a stupid rule of the Three Days. Holly spells his name with an ""I""."
25171,85,4,21,"Ted (2030): I had proved that the Rule of Three Days was wrong and I went out to dinner with a pretty girl. And so far, I have told anyone the truth about this hot date."
25172,85,4,21,Ted is the restaurant with Holly.
25173,85,4,21,"Holly: It's funny! I also love indie music. We should get married. I laugh. Or not? I laugh again. That's it. We go to Brazil together! I saw my doctor this morning, he told me that everything was settled, so I can go. I think I love you."
25174,85,4,21,"Ted (2030): Finally, I did not have to wait three days, but Holly should really have. Like many rules, sometimes you follow them and sometimes not. But I will say this. When I was your mother's number, I called immediately."
25175,85,4,21,Marshall and Barney are at the bar with Stan when Robin arrives.
25176,85,4,21,"Stan: Hi, friends."
25177,85,4,21,Barney: You work right?
25178,85,4,21,Stan: I took leave.
25179,85,4,21,Marshall: Great! We can have fun!
25180,85,4,21,Stan: I can not. I have a date. Ready?
25181,85,4,21,Robin: Yes.
25182,85,4,21,Barney: What...
25183,85,4,21,Marshall: Wait. You can not just sit there and have your date with us?
25184,85,4,21,"Barney: Yeah, it will be fun! Look, I'm kidding! It explodes! Do you like magic?"
25185,85,4,21,Stan: Friends. It's time to say goodbye. We all shared a special afternoon and it's something I cherish. I will never forget you.
25186,85,4,21,Robin by the arm of Stan.
25187,85,4,21,Robin: You know their names?
25188,85,4,21,"Stan: No. The large, this is Ted?"
25189,85,4,21,"Robin: No, it's Marshall. Married to Lily."
25190,85,4,21,Stan: OK. Do you like chicken wings?
25191,86,4,22,"Ted (2030): In May 2009, I was about to have my first big client as an independent architect. I was desperate for this to happen."
25192,86,4,22,Ted is in an office with two men.
25193,86,4,22,"Man: That's what you want, son. It's very simple. Opening a restaurant called Rib Town and it is to have the form... a cowboy hat."
25194,86,4,22,Ted (2030): Everything.
25195,86,4,22,"Ted: A hat? This is brilliant. I love it! Nothing better to say ""delicious"" as inside a cowboy hat. I tell you, I'm your man. I think being born to draw this building. I... I see."
25196,86,4,22,"Ted is in the apartment, slumped on his desk."
25197,86,4,22,Ted: I see it. I see it. (Robin enters) What is it good?
25198,86,4,22,Robin: All-Nighter?
25199,86,4,22,Ted: I told them I had a vision for this thing. They want a drawing in a week and I have nothing!
25200,86,4,22,Robin: It's cute.
25201,86,4,22,"Ted: Cute? I can draw concert halls and bridges. Bridges so beautiful they could be in museums. And I could draw these museums. But I draw, what instead? Where is my career? A two-story Stetson... with a terrace on the edge. It's a cosmic joke. The universe conspires against me."
25202,86,4,22,Robin: Did you just need to get out. Take a walk. Pay yourself a bagel.
25203,86,4,22,"Ted: Yeah, that'll solve everything. I have not slept for 34 hours, but a bagel is the answer. Cinnamon and raisin bagel with some cream. It looks good. I'll buy one."
25204,86,4,22,"Robin: Take an umbrella. It's going to rain, according Galoshes, our clown-weather."
25205,86,4,22,"Ted: Your show has a clown to present the weather? It's a bit nase, right?"
25206,86,4,22,"Robin: And this restaurant that you draw, what form it, Hoss?"
25207,86,4,22,"Ted: Okay. You want to fire me from here, I go out. I look forward to seeing what the universe has prepared me."
25208,86,4,22,"It takes an umbrella, left the apartment and then walking through the streets."
25209,86,4,22,"Ted (2030): Children, I tell you the story of meeting your mother. There is so much to learn from this story and it is most important. The greatest moments in life, it is not always what you do. This is also what happens to us. I'm not saying you can not influence the course of your life. You must act and you will. But remember that one day you could put one foot out and see your life changed forever. (He gives money to a homeless man) You know, the universe has a plan, children, and that plan is still moving. A butterfly flaps its wings... and it starts raining. (He opens his umbrella) It's scary. But it is also wonderful. All these workings of the machine running constantly, ensuring that you are exactly where you should be, exactly when you should be. The right place... (Someone taps him on the shoulder) at the right time."
25210,86,4,22,GENERIC
25211,86,4,22,"Ted (2030): Children, it's a miracle I've been at this corner.Especially since it would have been easy I'm not there."
25212,86,4,22,Flashback
25213,86,4,22,"Ted (2030): For example, when leaving the apartment, I almost go right instead of left. Why not right? For that, we must go back. As you know, your Aunt Robin had a show."
25214,86,4,22,"Robin: Eunice is itself these handbags. They are hand-embroidered silks at best. And each takes months to do. I can not say how long... (Robin threw in a bag) Weather, fools!"
25215,86,4,22,"Clown: Hi, everyone! A high pressure system arrives from the west..."
25216,86,4,22,Ted and Robin are in the apartment.
25217,86,4,22,"Robin: On the other hand, I bought a big bag today."
25218,86,4,22,"Ted: Wait, why did you vomit?"
25219,86,4,22,Robin: You want to know.
25220,86,4,22,Ted: Come on. Tell me.
25221,86,4,22,Robin: I'm pregnant.
25222,86,4,22,"Ted: I will raise this child with you. You're not alone. You can get married if you want, but I want to see other girls, it would be one of those marriages..."
25223,86,4,22,"Robin: Stop! I'm not pregnant. This is an intoxication. I ate something at the restaurant, three hours later, I vomited like a fountain."
25224,86,4,22,Ted: Where?
25225,86,4,22,Robin: This is a disgusting issue.
25226,86,4,22,Ted: Where was your meal?
25227,86,4,22,Robin: I want to tell you.
25228,86,4,22,Ted: What?
25229,86,4,22,"Barney, entering: Go to YouTube. Tape ""Robin Scherbatsky show vomit"". Robin, already gone."
25230,86,4,22,Robin: Someone has already put on YouTube?
25231,86,4,22,Barney: Yeah... someone. So... why did you vomit? You're pregnant?
25232,86,4,22,"Robin: Yeah, I'm pregnant."
25233,86,4,22,Barney runs off.
25234,86,4,22,Ted: Why do you not tell me where you got your intoxication?
25235,86,4,22,"Robin: You adore this place. If I tell you, it will ruin it."
25236,86,4,22,Ted: It makes sense. Do not say anything.
25237,86,4,22,Ted is in McClaren's with Robin.
25238,86,4,22,Ted: This Indian restaurant where the cat jumps on the tables?
25239,86,4,22,Robin: I say nothing.
25240,86,4,22,Ted: The Spanish restaurant with the cradle?
25241,86,4,22,Robin: I say nothing.
25242,86,4,22,The waitress brings a plate to Ted.
25243,86,4,22,Ted: Is it here? Tell me!
25244,86,4,22,Robin: You really want to know? This is Schlegel's Bagels.
25245,86,4,22,Ted: Why do you have told me? Schlegel's? Thank you! I'll have to find another New York place that serves bagels.
25246,86,4,22,"Ted (2030): The children, though as usual, I had gone to Schlegel's Bagels, I would have gone right. I would have taken a bagel would be returned to work on this building and you would perhaps never been born. But I went left, towards my second favorite place. And the rest is history. Of course, on the way, I stopped in this booth. Why I got arrested? That's why."
25247,86,4,22,Barney at the bar and reads a magazine. He returned to the apartment to see Ted.
25248,86,4,22,Barney: The Bro's Life magazine. Page 83. Look.
25249,86,4,22,"Ted: ""What does your paintball on your personality? """
25250,86,4,22,Barney: Lowest.
25251,86,4,22,"Ted: ""The last 3 kilos: how the push to lose. """
25252,86,4,22,Barney: Highest.
25253,86,4,22,Ted: Petra Petrova.
25254,86,4,22,"Barney: The Girl of the Year in May, according to Bro's Life magazine. A delicate flower in stiletto heel leopard thong and riding a 4x4."
25255,86,4,22,Ted: These magazines are broken. It is certainly retouched.
25256,86,4,22,Barney: I have an appointment with.
25257,86,4,22,Ted: You are my hero! Really? How did you do?
25258,86,4,22,Barney: It's not in the story. I waited a long time to say that.This girl... is the daughter.
25259,86,4,22,Ted: Of course it is. Marry them! It.
25260,86,4,22,"Barney: Marrying? I have something even more special in mind. Petra, if all goes well, will be my... wait, my 200th! Can not wait. Too exciting."
25261,86,4,22,Ted: The 200th with that... get laid?
25262,86,4,22,"Barney: Who I'll lie. I want the highest ""Tope there."""
25263,86,4,22,Ted: Even if I was wearing protective clothing. 200 is too much!
25264,86,4,22,"Barney: As if there could be too much of something wonderful.""Babe Ruth, gently, my grandfather. Do not hit too many home runs. Steve Guttenberg, you should not do that three Police Academy. America has laughed enough. """
25265,86,4,22,Ted: Who are these girls? It was rhetorical. Show me the list.
25266,86,4,22,"Barney: 199 satisfied customers. Finally, the big night is Thursday. I give a reception before, in McClaren's. Prepares a toast. Tuxedo optional but desired. Gifts are, I would say useless, but follow your heart."
25267,86,4,22,Ted: 200 is too much.
25268,86,4,22,Barney: It's not too much.
25269,86,4,22,Ted: That's too!
25270,86,4,22,"Barney, Marshall, Ted and Robin are at the bar."
25271,86,4,22,Marshall: It's not too much.
25272,86,4,22,Barney: Thank you.
25273,86,4,22,"Marshall: Do not misunderstand. You're disgusting and the cops should put a shoe on your part, but this number should be higher. After Barney told me about that, I reviewed the figures and... I have some graphics. Barney dredge about 20 girls a week."
25274,86,4,22,Barney: It's more than 20. B. Does nothing more precise estimate.
25275,86,4,22,"Marshall: Let 20. So 20 girls a week, that's 1,040 girls a year.In its 16 years of sexual activity, it would mean that he has dredged 16,640 girls. If he has slept with 199, it's a success rate... slightly higher than one per cent. This is an average of 12 hits, eight times worse than average in career... launcher in one hand, the launcher... Jim Abbott."
25276,86,4,22,"Barney: Jealous. Jealous. Hero. Strangely silent during this conversation on his number of sexual partners. Hero. The grand total, it is the only number that matters."
25277,86,4,22,Ted: Who said so?
25278,86,4,22,"Barney: Matthew Panning, the stud of Port Richmond College."
25279,86,4,22,Barney is in college.
25280,86,4,22,"Matthew: Stinson, you're an amateur. I bet you've never done."
25281,86,4,22,Barney: You neither.
25282,86,4,22,Matthew: How many times I have to tell you? I did it with 100 girls. Fifth in school from my cousin in Long Island.
25283,86,4,22,"Barney: You know what, Matthew? One day, I would have done with 200."
25284,86,4,22,Matthew: Call me when it happens.
25285,86,4,22,Barney: And I'll call.
25286,86,4,22,Ted: I think he'll say it again very slowly.
25287,86,4,22,Barney: I will... the call.
25288,86,4,22,"Robin: You have noted Gaby Allan dual, 78 and 162."
25289,86,4,22,"Barney: What? Let me see. Sixty... Once. Oh, my God. Wait...I counted the same girl twice? That means I'm only at 198?"
25290,86,4,22,Marshall: It just means you're less than 0.5% was thought disgusting.
25291,86,4,22,Barney: I win a Czech supermodel in two hours. I can not waste it in the 199th. Petra must be the 200th.
25292,86,4,22,Ted: are you gonna do? You will find not a partner in the next 2 hours.
25293,86,4,22,Barney: Astronaut Millionaire. You come home to see shells?
25294,86,4,22,Woman 1: Get out.
25295,86,4,22,Barney: I come from the grave of my wife. I buried her there was just one year. I miss her. I need comfort.
25296,86,4,22,Woman 2: You're scary.
25297,86,4,22,Barney: You're not as sick of all these games? I just want to settle down and have an army of toddlers at once.
25298,86,4,22,Woman 3: I have a mass and I love to use it.
25299,86,4,22,"Barney: Marshall? Knowing how important it is for me, you think that Lily... I would do the job..."
25300,86,4,22,Marshall: I'll kill you.
25301,86,4,22,Barney: Okay.
25302,86,4,22,Barney leaves the bar. Ted finds himself alone with Robin.
25303,86,4,22,Ted: Where did Barney? It's been over an hour.
25304,86,4,22,"Robin: You know, looking at the names on this list, I do not see a lot of ethnic diversity. It should really be questioned."
25305,86,4,22,Barney returns.
25306,86,4,22,"Barney: It's done. 199 made of, more than one. Have you finished your drink? (He takes the ice in the glass of Ted and puts them under the table) That's better."
25307,86,4,22,Ted: It has happened to you what?
25308,86,4,22,Barney: There... a girl in the gym. Pauline. She runs after me for a while.
25309,86,4,22,Ted: Why wait till then?
25310,86,4,22,Barney: It's not really my type.
25311,86,4,22,
25312,86,4,22,At the gym...
25313,86,4,22,"Barney: Good, Pauline. You're going to have all of Fonte Leveuse Sarasota Classic this fall. I thought... to you and me.And if you're still interested..."
25314,86,4,22,"Pauline: Ok, this is the hour of cardio."
25315,86,4,22,Barney: Good grief! Mom!
25316,86,4,22,"Barney: Every inch tasted like roast beef and creatine. But I did. I did and I still have 30 minutes before meeting with Petra.Robin, you have the foundation? I want to cover bruises and razor burn."
25317,86,4,22,"Robin: I hate to tell you this, but..."
25318,86,4,22,Barney: What?
25319,86,4,22,"Robin: You did the right Gaby Allan counted 2 times, but...you're also spent 138 to 138. Have you used the same number twice."
25320,86,4,22,"Barney: So that means... Pauline is not the 199th, it is the 200th?"
25321,86,4,22,Ted: Congratulations!
25322,86,4,22,"Barney: It must have Petra! Petra was to be the 200th!Beautiful, feminine, ""unrestrained power in bed"", Petra!"
25323,86,4,22,"Ted: Go! Happened to you at 200. You should be proud. You should be tested, but you should be proud. We do not care if Pauline does not pose in bikinis in magazines."
25324,86,4,22,"Barney: It does. She will be in the next Muscle Sexxy. And like many women in this magazine, Sexxy has two X and one Y."
25325,86,4,22,End flashback
25326,86,4,22,"Ted (2030): So, bagel on the way, I stopped a minute in a booth to see the photo of the 200th Barney. If I had not done that, I would have missed the cut by the booth and came 77th in this corner a minute earlier. I would have had the bagel, worked a little, and you children, you would not be born. Why I cut through the 77th and gave a dollar to the homeless? That's why. In the early days of Marshall to Goliath National Bank..."
25327,86,4,22,Flashback
25328,86,4,22,"Marshall: Fran, I will not bother you, but I have a presentation tomorrow and it would help me if I could have tables and graphs. Can you help me?"
25329,86,4,22,"Fran: This is the graphics department. We can make all the graphs, tables, in all colors on the paper you want."
25330,86,4,22,"Marshall: We'll have fun. (At the bar...) I ranked the presidents in order of disloyalty. A: Johnson. Two: Bush. Three Harding.Four: Polk. (At the apartment...) This circle represents ""Those who break my heart."" And this circle represents ""Those who constantly undermine my confidence. ""And where they meet: Cecilia. (Back at the bar...) This is a pie chart describing my favorite bars. And that is a graph describing my favorite pies.(Ted, Barney and Robin Marshall waiting for a response) What is it?"
25331,86,4,22,Robin: That's enough tables.
25332,86,4,22,Barney: What about the graphics.
25333,86,4,22,Ted: Any visual representation of data.
25334,86,4,22,"Marshall: I'm not stupid. I know what you think of my paintings and graphics. In fact, I made a picture of your reactions to my paintings. See it. Yes, that's true, since Cecilia, your interest in my paintings do not stop falling. But based on recent trends, I also... projection boards! And look... a large peak of interest is coming! And it's not just a blip dead cat. It is a long-term growth."
25335,86,4,22,"Barney: It's you, sustained growth."
25336,86,4,22,Marshall is at work in the meeting room.
25337,86,4,22,"Marshall: So, I prepared some charts to show how the setting up of a shell company in Bermuda could minimize our losses in the second quarter. And you avoid jail. To begin with...Excuse me a moment?"
25338,86,4,22,Marshall leaves the room. Ted is in the apartment when her phone rings.
25339,86,4,22,Ted: Mosbius Designs.
25340,86,4,22,Marshall: What happened to my pictures?
25341,86,4,22,Ted: They were thrown.
25342,86,4,22,Marshall: What?
25343,86,4,22,"Ted: That's an intervention. You could not stop eating, so we threw your cam."
25344,86,4,22,"Marshall: Come on, Ted! I need my pictures! Only for today and I promise to never ever do. I suffered a lot of pressure. I need my paintings, Jack!"
25345,86,4,22,Ted: You make tables work?
25346,86,4,22,"Marshall: It's for work, idiot! I make a great show and if I have not these pictures, I'm gonna get fired!"
25347,86,4,22,Ted: Damn. Not move. I bring them.
25348,86,4,22,"Marshall: Magne! I will research how to wait. (Marshall back in the room) Sorry, there is a little late with the tables. But we'll begin in a moment. Fish are weird, right? I mean, what's their problem?"
25349,86,4,22,Ted looking in garbage cans.
25350,86,4,22,Voice: Tables! Buy your tables!
25351,86,4,22,"Ted: I'm sorry, Milt? I think these are my paintings."
25352,86,4,22,Milt: These tables? On my coverage?
25353,86,4,22,Ted: This is my blanket. We'll see later. But I need these tables.
25354,86,4,22,Milt: Good thing they are selling.
25355,86,4,22,"Ted: Okay, how?"
25356,86,4,22,Milt: One million.
25357,86,4,22,Ted: I give you five dollars.
25358,86,4,22,Milt: One million.
25359,86,4,22,Ted: No one will pay a million for these pictures!
25360,86,4,22,Milt: One million.
25361,86,4,22,"Ted: OK, Milt, you won. I will give one million."
25362,86,4,22,Milt: I'm urine...
25363,86,4,22,Ted: The problem is that the distributor...
25364,86,4,22,Milt: The alien time machine...
25365,86,4,22,Ted: The alien time machine has a withdrawal limit. That's what I'll do. I give you a dollar... per day... for a million days.
25366,86,4,22,Milt: It's... It's been 2700 years. It works! (Ted gives him a ticket and take the pictures) Big nase.
25367,86,4,22,"Marshall: Sorry, there is a star of earth? (Ted comes into the meeting room with tables) start."
25368,86,4,22,"Ted (2030): If I had not bought these tables for Marshall, I would not be passed by the 77th to give Milt his dollar. In short, you know the rest. And now, children. There are lots of little reasons that great things happen to us. If I knew then that these things take me and how I shall be grateful to them, I probably would have done something like that."
25369,86,4,22,"(Ted restarts in the sense that he came and took Milt in his arms, and others. Sometimes the bar where Barney reads a magazine and also takes in his arms. Then the room Sprot, in Schlegel's Bagels, to work with Robin) Because at the end, I landed in the right place at the right time. And with that, my life has never been the same."
25370,86,4,22,He tapped on the shoulder and when he turns he finds Stella by his side.
25371,86,4,22,End flashback
25372,86,4,22,Barney is in McClaren's.
25373,86,4,22,"Ted (2030): The next day, Uncle Barney finally confronted Matthew Panning, the stud of the school of Port Richmond."
25374,86,4,22,"Matthew Barney, glad news, it's been a while. What's new?"
25375,86,4,22,Barney: I slept with 200 women.
25376,86,4,22,Matthew: My God! This is too much. Finally... It's disgusting.Have you thought of consulting as a s*x addict? You're the perfect candidate.
25377,86,4,22,"Barney: You've thought of consulting as ""I win, you lose""?Suddenly, your 100 girls in fifth, it is so impressive."
25378,86,4,22,Matthew: 100 girls? This is what it is? I lied!
25379,86,4,22,Barney: Of course.
25380,86,4,22,"Matthew: I was 12, I was lying of course. I had no Ewok companion."
25381,86,4,22,Barney: Of course.
25382,86,4,22,Matthew: Your adult life is built on... something... on which I lied to 12?
25383,86,4,22,Barney: Jealous?
25384,86,4,22,"Matthew: I get my kids to school. Looks like you got a lot of problems. Good luck, I guess."
25385,86,4,22,Matthew Barney left hand alone.
25386,86,4,22,Barney: I'm awesome. 200. Now what?
25387,86,4,22,Robin is also the bar.
25388,87,4,23,Ted is on the sidewalk with his umbrella.
25389,87,4,23,"Ted (2030): Children, Stella was the girl I thought to end my life. Before she left me on the altar, breaking my heart. So, when I cross seven months later, I had only one thing to say."
25390,87,4,23,Ted: Stella! Glad to see you again!
25391,87,4,23,Stella: I do too.
25392,87,4,23,Ted: And Tony! What a nice surprise.
25393,87,4,23,"Marshall, Barney, Robin and Ted are in McClaren's."
25394,87,4,23,"Robin: ""What a nice surprise""? No, a nice surprise would have been a safe falls from 40 stories e crushes them both. You let yourself do?"
25395,87,4,23,Ted: We had a friendly discussion and we resumed our respective paths.
25396,87,4,23,"Robin: You're f*cked up. He f*cked up, right?"
25397,87,4,23,Marshall and Barney gets up applauding.
25398,87,4,23,"Barney: Well played, sir."
25399,87,4,23,Marshall: Well done.
25400,87,4,23,Robin: What?
25401,87,4,23,"Marshall: You know, Ted has played cool, that's exactly what he should do. In fact, I would say on a scale of..."
25402,87,4,23,"Ted, crying: And I kept your sweater... and sometimes, I sit in the bathtub for hours, you know, feel it."
25403,87,4,23,Marshall:... up...
25404,87,4,23,"Ted, with a lookalike Stella: It's my new bride. This is Stella, except that it is French and, as you see, she has enormous breasts."
25405,87,4,23,Lookalike Stella: Magic.
25406,87,4,23,Tony: Enchanted.
25407,87,4,23,Marshall: I think you've been great.
25408,87,4,23,"Barney: I would say even more. You, sir, did think Stella. ""Ted looked so cool now. Do I chose the wrong? ""Wait a week. The bush on the back. And belly. Have you felt that? There was an earthquake ""Tope-there""."
25409,87,4,23,Ted: I am not on the back. Or stomach. I want to move forward.And it was an important step towards that. The future.
25410,87,4,23,"Ted (2030): And you know, I meant it. But anyway, that night, my mind wandered."
25411,87,4,23,Ted thinks we knocks on his door. It will open to find Stella.
25412,87,4,23,Stella: I made a terrible mistake.
25413,87,4,23,Ted: I know. I'm better than you.
25414,87,4,23,Stella: Bluntly. Ressortons lie down together and much more.
25415,87,4,23,Ted: Sold!
25416,87,4,23,They kiss.
25417,87,4,23,Ted was at the apartment and think a knock at his door.
25418,87,4,23,"Tony: Hi, Ted."
25419,87,4,23,GENERIC
25420,87,4,23,"Ted: No, between. It's not weird at all."
25421,87,4,23,Tony will lie on the sofa.
25422,87,4,23,"Tony: I knew it was wrong to steal someone's girlfriend. I got used to it. I could not sleep. And for the wrong reasons.Sometimes for good reasons. Stella and I, we had not seen for five years, so you can imagine, at first it was fast and intense.Broken lamps, furniture moved. You see this bald area?Regardless, we turned the page. Me, Lucy, Stella, we would be moving to LA I was going to become a screenwriter. Then, you have been crossed, and you looked so... sad."
25423,87,4,23,Ted: Sad? No. I think what you call sorrow was only... jovial nonchalance.
25424,87,4,23,"Tony: You're wrong, OK? As a small dachshund with back pain who should be walking in a bag."
25425,87,4,23,Ted: Why are you here?
25426,87,4,23,"Tony: I know I can be a bit harsh, but I can not bear to have you as many wounded. Fate put me in the street to fix it.Obviously, I can not fill the crater left by Stella in your heart."
25427,87,4,23,Ted: I met lots of girls.
25428,87,4,23,Tony: And I know you've been fired.
25429,87,4,23,Ted: I switched to running a small business. This is the lung of the economy.
25430,87,4,23,"Tony: No. Ted, my family has a lot of money. And I want to use that money to fix it with you."
25431,87,4,23,At the bar...
25432,87,4,23,Marshall: Tony is rich? Tell me that you wrote a check. Tell me that you did a very big check. So big that he not remove his shirt to go swimming.
25433,87,4,23,"Barney: It's a very big check. IF big, that if you sleep with, you would not tell your friends."
25434,87,4,23,Marshall: It's a very big check.
25435,87,4,23,"Robin: So big, that when you sit next to on the plane, you wonder if the check would not have had to buy two seats."
25436,87,4,23,Marshall: It's...
25437,87,4,23,Barney: A very big check!
25438,87,4,23,Ted: Yeah! He has not signed a check.
25439,87,4,23,Flashback
25440,87,4,23,"Tony: Ted, I want to offer you a job."
25441,87,4,23,Ted: A job?
25442,87,4,23,"Tony: Every year, my family gives a lot to Columbia University, I have contacts. How would you like to design..."
25443,87,4,23,Ted (2030): My heart jumped. A new library? A conservatory?
25444,87,4,23,Tony:... your own resume as professor of architecture.
25445,87,4,23,Ted: No thank you.
25446,87,4,23,End flashback
25447,87,4,23,"Marshall: What do you mean ""no thank you""? You'd be a great teacher. You are an expert, you can talk, and when necessary, you can get to grow a beautiful beard."
25448,87,4,23,"Ted: I will not be a professor. That's what you do when your career is in trouble and you have to pay the bills. Manager of small business. The lung of the economy. I will not take this job, okay? I'll get through. New topic."
25449,87,4,23,"Barney: Okay. Today, I had a $ 200 fine for speeding."
25450,87,4,23,"Marshall: That sucks, dude. You did not manage to blow it up?"
25451,87,4,23,Barney: You can not blow a fine.
25452,87,4,23,Marshall: I have done. It was... when? In 1998.
25453,87,4,23,Flashback
25454,87,4,23,"Minnesota 1998, Marshall was arrested by a policeman."
25455,87,4,23,Policeman: Where's the fire?
25456,87,4,23,"Marshall: There is no fire. In fact, you know, there's a fire in the barbecue where I go. Nothing special. Burgers, chops...merguez."
25457,87,4,23,"Policeman: You know it's dangerous to go... You said ""sausages""?"
25458,87,4,23,"Marshall: Yeah, merguez. My mother's marinated in beer for 2 days. That's it. It's weird, I could have sworn that what those big, succulent smoked sausages had writing on it. Bizarre.You were saying?"
25459,87,4,23,Policeman: That was writing what? The merguez?
25460,87,4,23,"Marshall: It said: ""Ownership of Minnesota police, Jorgensen.""You like merguez, Jorgensen agent?"
25461,87,4,23,Policeman: You go to this address? Follow me with the siren.It will burn red lights.
25462,87,4,23,End flashback
25463,87,4,23,"Barney: I would have done that too, if I went to a barbecue.Slim, I went there."
25464,87,4,23,Marshall: It's all in the assessment of your enemy. I knew he loved the sausages because he was out of breath just by coming to my car and he had mustard on his holster.
25465,87,4,23,Robin: Handling a police officer with your sausage. It's sexy.
25466,87,4,23,"Barney: You think I can not blow a fine? You think I can not blow my fine? I am Barney Stinson, master of manipulation. If I managed to make me pay for a stripper to dance, I can blow a fine. Challenge accepted... wait."
25467,87,4,23,"Ted: I understand. ""Ack-Ted. ""I understood."
25468,87,4,23,At the apartment...
25469,87,4,23,Ted: What now?
25470,87,4,23,Tony: You wanna be an architect? Super. A guy I was in school wants a new home. The job is yours if you want.
25471,87,4,23,"Ted: Tony, I do not need your help."
25472,87,4,23,Tony: That's his job.
25473,87,4,23,Ted: Now that's a very big check.
25474,87,4,23,Barney is driving his car.
25475,87,4,23,Barney: Let's go.
25476,87,4,23,Police: Driver and vehicle registration.
25477,87,4,23,"Barney: Of course, officer. On."
25478,87,4,23,"Policeman: Sir, this is a gift certificate for a custom Italian suit."
25479,87,4,23,"Barney: So, what's good?"
25480,87,4,23,Barney arrives at the bar.
25481,87,4,23,Barney: $ 375! And he kept the gift certificate. Emilio and I'll call him tell him to shorten the crotch.
25482,87,4,23,"Robin: You're wrong about that, man."
25483,87,4,23,"Barney: Anything, Robin. Like you've already blown a fine."
25484,87,4,23,Marshall: Are you kidding? Robin is a pretty girl. They have no fines. I bet she was often stopped and has never had.
25485,87,4,23,Robin: This is outrageous! And relevant.
25486,87,4,23,Flashback
25487,87,4,23,"Robin in tears, stopped by a policeman."
25488,87,4,23,"Policeman: Permits and... Sweetie. No, do not cry. OK, not fine for you. Drive slower next time, OK?"
25489,87,4,23,Robin: Thank you.
25490,87,4,23,End flashback
25491,87,4,23,Barney: Excuse me. I left something in New Jersey.
25492,87,4,23,He gets up and leaves the bar when Ted arrived.
25493,87,4,23,Robin: How was your lunch with the rich? It started well.
25494,87,4,23,Flashback
25495,87,4,23,Ted is a man with Tony.
25496,87,4,23,"Ted: I want to design a home that showcases the landscape without dominating. IN 1935, when Frank Lloyd Wright designed the house to the waterfall..."
25497,87,4,23,"Man: Yes, that's fine. You will do a good job. My concern is the basement. Especially the laundry."
25498,87,4,23,Ted: The laundry room?
25499,87,4,23,"Man: I want a laundry room of 5 x 5 meters, ceramic tiles stain-resistant floor to ceiling. I am a man who likes to do his own laundry, and sometimes it's messy."
25500,87,4,23,End flashback
25501,87,4,23,Marshall: Gruesome?
25502,87,4,23,Ted: Gruesome.
25503,87,4,23,Flashback
25504,87,4,23,Man: steel chains hanging from the ceiling 3 meters. This is where my bags of laundry will be hung for three days and three nights before I... cleans.
25505,87,4,23,End flashback
25506,87,4,23,"Robin: Ted, it looks like this guy asks you to design..."
25507,87,4,23,Ted: A deadly house.
25508,87,4,23,Robin: That's it. A house of horror.
25509,87,4,23,Flashback
25510,87,4,23,"Tony: By practicing martial arts, I learned to believe in my instinct and my instinct tells me that... it sounds great."
25511,87,4,23,Ted: The steak is very rare.
25512,87,4,23,End flashback
25513,87,4,23,Marshall jumps up.
25514,87,4,23,Ted: Do not you?
25515,87,4,23,Flashback
25516,87,4,23,"Man: One last point, soundproofing. I tend to make much noise when I wash. I'll show you. I'll go in the laundry room and tell me if you hear me."
25517,87,4,23,The man left the table.
25518,87,4,23,"Ted: It's a bit serious, huh?"
25519,87,4,23,Tony: Grave well. You hit the nail.
25520,87,4,23,End flashback
25521,87,4,23,Robin: You can not do this house!
25522,87,4,23,Ted: I will not do.
25523,87,4,23,Marshall: You can not do it!
25524,87,4,23,Ted: I will not do it!
25525,87,4,23,
25526,87,4,23,"While the others are at the bar, Barney is in his car and is still off."
25527,87,4,23,"Barney: Come on. Mr. Officer, please, my wife is having a baby! She just lost the waters!"
25528,87,4,23,Policeman: Where is your wife?
25529,87,4,23,"Barney: She took the other car. It's Italian leather, so... I... go..."
25530,87,4,23,Ted is in McClaren's with Tony.
25531,87,4,23,"Tony: Sorry for this house of horror. It was my fault. It is for me.New plan. My friend, you will build a husband to the Statue of Liberty. I have some knowledge in the town hall."
25532,87,4,23,"Ted: Stop! I do not want your help, OK? You did not do that."
25533,87,4,23,Tony: Yes
25534,87,4,23,Ted: Why?
25535,87,4,23,"Tony: Because... when you were with Stella, I missed her terribly. I can imagine how you feel."
25536,87,4,23,"Ted: Let me reassure you. I do not want to Stella. She lied to me, dumped me at the altar. Who can do that? I'm better off without her. It is all yours, buddy."
25537,87,4,23,Tony: Okay. A weight less.
25538,87,4,23,"Ted (2030): And that was all. Tony is gone and I started to put it all behind me. Finally, I thought."
25539,87,4,23,A knock at the apartment again.
25540,87,4,23,Ted: Stella?
25541,87,4,23,Stella: Tony left me.
25542,87,4,23,Ted: Tony left you?
25543,87,4,23,Stella: He said it was because of what you said.
25544,87,4,23,"Robin: You did break Tony and Stella? Really sorry, but I must insist that you topes there."
25545,87,4,23,Ted: Let's talk in the hallway.
25546,87,4,23,Robin: I'll wait.
25547,87,4,23,Ted closes the door behind him.
25548,87,4,23,Ted: Why are you here?
25549,87,4,23,"Stella: Look, Ted, I was 7 months late, but that's how. I'm in love with Tony, since high school. We went out for a long time, and then... I became pregnant and for a 19 year old daughter, it was too much to handle, and it broke. And for a long time, I too thought about my role as mother. I forgot Tony. I forgot...what it was like being in love. Then you came and everything was resurrected. And I loved you for that. I loved you so much, in fact, it was just... enough. But I always liked Tony."
25550,87,4,23,"Woman, leaving her: Take it back on, darling. He's sorry."
25551,87,4,23,"Ted: No, it's not what happens. Tuck, Mrs. Matsen. Delighted to have you review, Stella."
25552,87,4,23,Stella: Can you talk to Tony?
25553,87,4,23,Ted: What?
25554,87,4,23,Stella: He'll listen. You made him change his mind. You can do it again. It is cruel to ask that...
25555,87,4,23,"Ted: Yes, it's cruel to ask it."
25556,87,4,23,Stella: I do not know what else to do. I love it.
25557,87,4,23,"Ted: You love her? What, you do call my romance? It's your strategy? Because this guy is gone. You can have me over like that. I am attached to nothing, thanks to you."
25558,87,4,23,"Ms. Matsen: Come on, darling, kiss me!"
25559,87,4,23,"Stella, shouting: Tuck, Mrs. Matsen!"
25560,87,4,23,Ted: Enter!
25561,87,4,23,Barney is stopped on the roadside.
25562,87,4,23,"Barney: OK, you can do it. You can do it! You can do it."
25563,87,4,23,Police: Driver and...
25564,87,4,23,Barney: Licensing and registration papers.
25565,87,4,23,Police: Pardon?
25566,87,4,23,Barney: You must have a permit to be as pretty. And this body? I imagine that something as explosive must be registered with the authorities.
25567,87,4,23,It makes it a snap.
25568,87,4,23,Police: Exit the vehicle.
25569,87,4,23,"Barney: Why, am I under arrest?"
25570,87,4,23,Police: No. It depends on what you will do me.
25571,87,4,23,"Barney, Marshall and Robin were at the bar."
25572,87,4,23,Robin: False. This has never happened.
25573,87,4,23,"Marshall: It's from a porno. I saw him. sh1t, I did."
25574,87,4,23,Barney: When will you understand the difference between my life and a porno is that my life has better lighting.
25575,87,4,23,Robin: You're lying.
25576,87,4,23,Barney: I'm not lying! I swear on my mother. I swear Goliath National Bank. I swear on my costumes. I... do... mens... not.
25577,87,4,23,Ted (2030): He lied. That's what really happened.
25578,87,4,23,Flashback
25579,87,4,23,"Ms. Matsen: Come on, darling, kiss me!"
25580,87,4,23,"Stella: Tuck, Mrs. Matsen!"
25581,87,4,23,Ted: Enter!
25582,87,4,23,Stella: I can not do anything to fix everything?
25583,87,4,23,Ted: No.
25584,87,4,23,Ted's phone rings.
25585,87,4,23,Barney: It's me! This is Barney. With the help! I have big problems!
25586,87,4,23,Ted: Slow down. What's going on?
25587,87,4,23,Barney: I imagine that something as explosive must be registered with the authorities.
25588,87,4,23,Police: Get out.
25589,87,4,23,"Barney: Why, am I under arrest?"
25590,87,4,23,"Police: Yes, I did a search. You have 15 offenses of the past three days. Exit the vehicle."
25591,87,4,23,"Barney: No, my wife will give birth! I have a sausage with your name!"
25592,87,4,23,Police: Get out!
25593,87,4,23,"Barney: You must come to Brazzaville, in New Jersey to take me out."
25594,87,4,23,Ted: I'm a little busy.
25595,87,4,23,Barney: Come on. You have no idea what kind of criminals with whom they put me.
25596,87,4,23,Boy: Let's get our painting?
25597,87,4,23,"Barney: Save me, Ted!"
25598,87,4,23,Ted hangs up.
25599,87,4,23,Ted: You wanna do something for me? I have to go in New Jersey.
25600,87,4,23,"Stella: You pay the toll, eh? I laugh."
25601,87,4,23,"Ted (2030): So, Stella and I went to New Jersey, to release your uncle Barney and we went home."
25602,87,4,23,Stella in the car...
25603,87,4,23,"Barney: By the way, how's the girl you see? This superb French with huge tits?"
25604,87,4,23,Ted: You talk about Claudette? She is fine.
25605,87,4,23,Barney: The highest good of all those with whom you're never out! Ever!
25606,87,4,23,"Barney out of the car, leaving Ted and Stella both."
25607,87,4,23,"Stella: Again, sorry for everything. Actually..."
25608,87,4,23,Ted: I talk to Tony.
25609,87,4,23,Stella: Really?
25610,87,4,23,Ted: I want you to be happy. I will speak to him.
25611,87,4,23,"Ted (2030): And I did. I know what I told him, but he had to change his mind because the next day they went to California.Stella opened a new office. And against all odds, Tony became a successful writer. His film, ""The Bride"" was a hit. But we will come back."
25612,87,4,23,"Ted: Just tell me one thing. Why Tony? I mean, it's money, pajamas kung fu? Finally... What is it?"
25613,87,4,23,Stella: That is correct.
25614,87,4,23,Ted: Good.
25615,87,4,23,"Stella: It's a little silly, but yes."
25616,87,4,23,"Ted: I will say out loud something that I had managed not to say out loud. Have you, Tony and you... That at one point I thought I had with you... I know that Marshall and Lily... I want that. I want to. I keep waiting and waiting for that to happen and... I guess I'm just... tired of waiting. And that's all I have to say about it."
25617,87,4,23,Stella: I've already told you that I avoided a PV?
25618,87,4,23,Ted: Really?
25619,87,4,23,"Stella: I was at my parents by doing 130 and I was arrested.The cop comes out of his car. He struts around a bit to me like, ""Girl, I've waited all day. ""Then I looked and I said,"" Sorry, Mr. Officer. I came as fast as I could. """
25620,87,4,23,Ted: Really?
25621,87,4,23,"Stella: An old joke. I know you're tired of waiting and may require you to wait a little longer, but it happens, Ted. And it happens as fast as she can."
25622,87,4,23,"Ted drops to turn the car, and watches her go."
25623,87,4,23,In McClaren's...
25624,87,4,23,"Barney: She was found two days later, in the directory. I've never put my name in my underwear."
25625,87,4,23,Lily joined them.
25626,87,4,23,Barney: You're back!
25627,87,4,23,"Lily: When listening to this joke of peanut butter and jam, I was completely disgusted. But this morning in the shower, I thought about it and it made me laugh. Peanut butter. So I think I could win. According to Marshall."
25628,87,4,23,"Barney: It's good to see you, Lily."
25629,87,4,23,Lily: Thank you. So what's new?
25630,87,4,23,Barney: I'm in a world of amnesia with lots of pictures of my son and an alliance. I will find the best woman / woman and we will...
25631,87,4,23,"Lily: OK, that's enough for tonight. I'll go slowly."
25632,87,4,23,Lily leaves.
25633,88,4,24,Ted (2030): Each architect has a building that changed his career. For me it was to my 31st birthday. It was not a museum or a concert hall or a skyscraper. It was something else.
25634,88,4,24,"Man: We opened a restaurant called the Rib Town, we want it shaped..."
25635,88,4,24,The band of friends is to McClaren's.
25636,88,4,24,"Ted:... hat cowboy. Listen, I need this job. I have no other option."
25637,88,4,24,Robin: You can always do prof.
25638,88,4,24,"Ted: I have not worked as hard to finish in a crappy job. Get me wrong, Lily."
25639,88,4,24,Lily: I was pissed 3 times this morning. I can not say.
25640,88,4,24,"Ted: I pass this building, so I see you in three days."
25641,88,4,24,He leaves the bar to go home and get to drawing.
25642,88,4,24,"Ted (2030): The next three days, I worked as ever. And it led me... nowhere."
25643,88,4,24,Barney enters the apartment where Ted is still trying to design a building.
25644,88,4,24,Barney: What are you doing?
25645,88,4,24,Ted: A hat-shaped building.
25646,88,4,24,Barney: It's time to talk?
25647,88,4,24,Ted: No.
25648,88,4,24,Barney: What do you think of Robin?
25649,88,4,24,"Ted: I have to really work, so..."
25650,88,4,24,"Barney: Awesome. Say that is a tailor and you have found a nice suit. A nice suit Canada. Superb chest. You try it, but it does not suit you perfectly. So you return it. Then I try it. I'm not too keen... a suit that you have caught the eye, but at the same time, I love this costume."
25651,88,4,24,Ted: Buy the costume. It is important to you. Tell him how you feel.
25652,88,4,24,"Barney: But Ted, remember your answer, because... The costume is Robin. I know! Okay?"
25653,88,4,24,Ted: I'm with you.
25654,88,4,24,Barney: Now. For I have explained.
25655,88,4,24,Ted: What...
25656,88,4,24,Ted Barney greenhouse in his arms.
25657,88,4,24,GENERIC
25658,88,4,24,"Marshall: Come on, man, you're on it for three days without stopping. This is your birthday. Come have a beer on the roof."
25659,88,4,24,"Ted: Impossible, the presentation is tomorrow. These hats are not alone."
25660,88,4,24,Marshall: That's a big restaurant for tourists. Just put wide doors and chairs strengthened. Birthday beer on the roof. Let's go!
25661,88,4,24,Ted: Why do you want as I go on the roof? You made me a surprise party?
25662,88,4,24,"Marshall: What? We brought you a surprise party, last year.Thou shalt have no surprises on two holidays. The fact that the world has come to the first was surprising. Not? Two surprises on Christmas! It is very strong! It is very strong! Great!(Marshall goes on the roof) Super... It still will not mount."
25663,88,4,24,Robin: Come on. This is boring! I knew it was a bad idea.
25664,88,4,24,"Marshall: Yes, Robin, I know. This festival is... is... a disaster.It was my idea. I take responsibility. There is one thing to do."
25665,88,4,24,"Lily: Marshall, no."
25666,88,4,24,"Marshall: Lily, I have to! (He stands on the edge of the roof) It's useless to procrastinate."
25667,88,4,24,Ted (2030): I should explain. A few years earlier...
25668,88,4,24,Flashback
25669,88,4,24,"Ted, Marshall and Barney are on the roof with an inflatable pool."
25670,88,4,24,"Barney: Forget it. It really is not class. At best, it sucks."
25671,88,4,24,Marshall: You know who knows how to live? These people.
25672,88,4,24,Ted (2030): The terrace of the building next door. A paradise waiting for us behind a pit of 2 or 3 meters. And the best...
25673,88,4,24,Marshall: It looks to be a... sacred... spa.
25674,88,4,24,Barney: Owl. How do we go? We will do what? Jump?
25675,88,4,24,Marshall mounted on the edge of the roof.
25676,88,4,24,Marshall: I can jump it.
25677,88,4,24,"Ted: Recently, you need two tries to get up from the couch.You can not skip it."
25678,88,4,24,Marshall: Really?
25679,88,4,24,Ted: Really.
25680,88,4,24,Marshall: Look.
25681,88,4,24,Ted (2030): But he did not jump.
25682,88,4,24,An hour later... Marshall is always on the edge of the roof while Ted and Barney are in the pool.
25683,88,4,24,"Barney: Actually, it's not bad."
25684,88,4,24,Ted: Right?
25685,88,4,24,"Ted (2030): And the following years, he continued to try. But each time, without exception... He did not jump."
25686,88,4,24,End flashback
25687,88,4,24,"Marshall: Do not worry. If I can jump tonight, it will save the evening."
25688,88,4,24,"Lily: Honey, come down here, please."
25689,88,4,24,"Marshall: When Evel Knievel rode his rocket star on the shore of Snake River Canyon, you think his wife said ""Honey, come down here '?"
25690,88,4,24,"Lily: For the last time, I'm not Linda Knievel! I will never be Linda Knievel!"
25691,88,4,24,Marshall: No need to remind me.
25692,88,4,24,Ted is still on the drawing of his building.
25693,88,4,24,"Lily: Marshall, do not do that. Do not jump, please."
25694,88,4,24,"Marshall: Sorry, but I have to."
25695,88,4,24,Lily: You can not.
25696,88,4,24,Marshall: Why?
25697,88,4,24,Lily: You want a reason? You're going to have one. I am pregnant.
25698,88,4,24,"Marshall: My God! My God, really? I saw you look fat..."
25699,88,4,24,"Lily: I was lying, b*st*rd! Go ahead, jump! I hope u gonna die!"
25700,88,4,24,Marshall: This is the permission I needed.
25701,88,4,24,"Barney: Look, Robin... I must tell you something."
25702,88,4,24,"Robin: Wait. Before that, I must tell you something."
25703,88,4,24,Barney: What is it?
25704,88,4,24,Robin: I think I love you.
25705,88,4,24,Ted is a goat in her kitchen. Marshall is still on the edge of the roof when the phone rings from Lily.
25706,88,4,24,"Lily: This is Ted. Everyone! Ted, are you?"
25707,88,4,24,"Ted: She's here, Lily. She looks at me."
25708,88,4,24,Lily: What?
25709,88,4,24,Ted: The goat.
25710,88,4,24,Ted (2030): I have already told you some of the history of the goat.
25711,88,4,24,Fash-back
25712,88,4,24,"Ted (2030): When Aunt Lily a farmer invited to speak to his class how he brought the goat, and told the class what he would do later. How Aunt Lily, in a fit of kindness, bought a goat to commute his sentence."
25713,88,4,24,End flashback
25714,88,4,24,"Barney: It's been an incredible thing. I was talking to Robin, I would tell him my feelings, but just before, you will believe what ever she said."
25715,88,4,24,Flashback
25716,88,4,24,Robin: I think I love you.
25717,88,4,24,End flashback
25718,88,4,24,Lily: You said what?
25719,88,4,24,Barney: In your opinion? What we can say to that?
25720,88,4,24,Flashback
25721,88,4,24,"Barney: Robin, you're great listening. You're really great, but we're friends. This is not a good idea."
25722,88,4,24,Robin: You must be right. Have fun.
25723,88,4,24,"Barney: You too, sweetie."
25724,88,4,24,End flashback
25725,88,4,24,Lily: What?
25726,88,4,24,"Barney: Once she told me that, more than feelings. I'm more in love."
25727,88,4,24,"Lily: You were in love with her, throughout the year and when she feels the same, you love him more."
25728,88,4,24,Barney: It's not great?
25729,88,4,24,Ted draws again and again while the goat eats a cloth.
25730,88,4,24,Ted: It's a wuss. Not food. (He takes the mop in the bathroom and closes the door behind him) How...?
25731,88,4,24,"On the roof, Marshall is still trying to jump from the roof terrace managed to go next door."
25732,88,4,24,Marshall: It is. It... is... go! It is.
25733,88,4,24,"Barney: Tracey, tell Lily what you just said."
25734,88,4,24,Tracey: What I just arrived in New York?
25735,88,4,24,"Barney: No, how you've arrived there."
25736,88,4,24,Tracey: I just get off the bus from Iowa.
25737,88,4,24,Barney: Come off the bus from Iowa! How lucky that apprentice... dancer off the bus from Iowa... meeting... the producer of the Rockettes?
25738,88,4,24,Tracey: I believe in a classic story of showbiz.
25739,88,4,24,"Lily: Honey, you're there. You're really there."
25740,88,4,24,"Barney: You can make us one of those rum and beer, that your father loves so much?"
25741,88,4,24,Tracey: Of course!
25742,88,4,24,Lily: Damn.
25743,88,4,24,Barney: What?
25744,88,4,24,"Lily: Everyone always says, ""Do not tell Lily. Lily can not keep a secret. ""And, usually, they are right. But this time I kept the secret. And here you come with that crap and you force me to become the Lily will spill the beans!"
25745,88,4,24,Barney: What song? There was a piece?
25746,88,4,24,Lily: There was a song.
25747,88,4,24,Flashback
25748,88,4,24,Barney: The costume is Robin. I know! Okay?
25749,88,4,24,Ted: I'm with you.
25750,88,4,24,Barney: Now. As I explained...
25751,88,4,24,Ted: What...
25752,88,4,24,Barney takes Ted into his arms while Robin is in her room and heard everything.
25753,88,4,24,Robin: sh1t.
25754,88,4,24,"Marshall, Lily and Robin are at the bar."
25755,88,4,24,Lily: He said that? My God! What an incredible surprise!
25756,88,4,24,Robin: You know since when?
25757,88,4,24,Lily is 8 months.
25758,88,4,24,Robin: And you've said anything since? Bravo.
25759,88,4,24,"Marshall: Bravo, Lily. I mean, what a bomb. Who saw this coming?"
25760,88,4,24,Robin: You know since when?
25761,88,4,24,Marshall: 7 months and 29 days.
25762,88,4,24,Robin: I will do what?
25763,88,4,24,Lily: I know. Are you gonna do?
25764,88,4,24,Robin: I'll marry Barney in a large church. We'll move to New Hampshire and open cottages.
25765,88,4,24,Marshall: Really?
25766,88,4,24,Robin: No! This is Barney. I mean... This is Barney. But it's Barney. I have to say no.
25767,88,4,24,"Lily: Boy, you're going to break her... The thing that this black mud pump through his veins."
25768,88,4,24,"Robin: You're right. For the first time he likes a girl, she pushes him away? And not just any girl. It's going to destroy it."
25769,88,4,24,"Marshall: OK, first... Second, there is a trick you can try. It's risky, but it can pay off. Lack of anything better, I'll call it... The Mosby."
25770,88,4,24,Robin: The Mosby?
25771,88,4,24,"Lily: No, she can not mosbyser."
25772,88,4,24,Marshall: It could squarely mosbyser.
25773,88,4,24,Robin: What is the Mosby?
25774,88,4,24,"Marshall: Do you remember your first time with Ted? You wanted to get on the train Ted, visit his yard."
25775,88,4,24,Robin: I was ready to jump the turnstile.
25776,88,4,24,Marshall: What changed everything?
25777,88,4,24,Ted and Robin dance.
25778,88,4,24,Ted: I think I love you.
25779,88,4,24,Robin: What?
25780,88,4,24,Robin: The Mosby! It's great! And... excuse me.
25781,88,4,24,"Marshall: You're really pretty, but abnormally high and you will not believe in ghosts."
25782,88,4,24,End flashback
25783,88,4,24,"Barney: So... when she said love me, she meant... otherwise."
25784,88,4,24,Lily: That's it. It worked well. You are back to normal.
25785,88,4,24,Barney: Yes. It's true. And it's great. It's great. (Tracey returns) So Robin does not like me.
25786,88,4,24,Lily: No.
25787,88,4,24,Barney: Why?
25788,88,4,24,
25789,88,4,24,At the apartment...
25790,88,4,24,Ted: Mr. Goat? (He tries to open the bathroom but the door is closed) M. The goat? Enough. (He manages to enter) Crazy Goat. I do not understand your fascination with this mop. It should be normal with a brain the size of a...
25791,88,4,24,The goat runs toward him.
25792,88,4,24,On the roof...
25793,88,4,24,"Lily: Marshall, you can pick up Ted?"
25794,88,4,24,"Marshall: I was about to jump. You've not heard saying ""OK"" loop?"
25795,88,4,24,Lily: I'm sorry. Go ahead and jump.
25796,88,4,24,"Marshall: It's good. Sorry, everyone. Lily does not want me jumping. (He descends from the rim) Thank God."
25797,88,4,24,Marshall found Ted lying on the ground and the goat on top of him.
25798,88,4,24,Ted: The hospital!
25799,88,4,24,At the hospital...
25800,88,4,24,Lily: What has happened?
25801,88,4,24,Ted: It happened... you left a wild animal in our apartment. I've been attacked.
25802,88,4,24,Lily: This is the sweetest and adorable goat in the world.
25803,88,4,24,"Ted: ""The sweetest and adorable goat in the world""?"
25804,88,4,24,"Ted (2030): I lacked sleep, it was certainly not like that, but that's how I remember it."
25805,88,4,24,Flashback
25806,88,4,24,Ted struggles with the goat.
25807,88,4,24,End flashback
25808,88,4,24,Doctor: You're the one who wanted to be a goat?
25809,88,4,24,Ted: It's the goat jumped on me! Can I go?
25810,88,4,24,"Doctor: Yes. But remember, ""Bee"" means ""bee""."
25811,88,4,24,"Ted: Great, I'm late for my presentation. Thank you, Mr. Goat."
25812,88,4,24,Lily: Mr. Goat? It's a girl. Her name is Missy.
25813,88,4,24,Marshall: You got beat by a girl.
25814,88,4,24,Ted leaves the room followed by Marshall and Lily.
25815,88,4,24,Barney: So... You're in love with me?
25816,88,4,24,Robin: What? Yes. Much.
25817,88,4,24,Barney: You can stop. Lily told me everything.
25818,88,4,24,"Robin: Damn, Lily!"
25819,88,4,24,Barney: I can not believe it.
25820,88,4,24,"Robin: It's just... You mean to me, Barney. And... This kind of stuff, the emotional side. This is not your type. I thought you avoid that."
25821,88,4,24,"Barney: Maybe I will not avoid it. I am perhaps. I have not wanted for a long time. But with you, it does not look so...difficult. I know not. I thought... you felt the same."
25822,88,4,24,"Robin: Maybe. I know not. I am not good to face the feelings.There is clearly something... between us. Maybe my head said, ""stifles it in the bud"" because my heart said... something else. Listen... I feel for you. Maybe even that I love you."
25823,88,4,24,"Barney: It's going pretty fast, do not you think?"
25824,88,4,24,Robin: What?
25825,88,4,24,Barney: We're good friends. Why risk everything? Friends?
25826,88,4,24,Robin: Friends.
25827,88,4,24,Barney: My God. You just do it again. You've mosbysé!
25828,88,4,24,Robin: But no.
25829,88,4,24,"Barney: But if, little flirtatious."
25830,88,4,24,Robin: You're right. I've just mosbyser.
25831,88,4,24,Barney: Why are you scared to try?
25832,88,4,24,Robin: Because I'm afraid of how I could love you.
25833,88,4,24,Barney: Bad idea.
25834,88,4,24,Robin: You're right. There must be a mistake.
25835,88,4,24,Barney: No.
25836,88,4,24,Robin: I love you.
25837,88,4,24,Barney: Friends.
25838,88,4,24,"Robin: Friends, then."
25839,88,4,24,Barney: I love you.
25840,88,4,24,Robin: Let's get married.
25841,88,4,24,"Barney: No, you're smothering me."
25842,88,4,24,"Robin: OK, forget it."
25843,88,4,24,They kiss.
25844,88,4,24,Barney: You know what? We'll see later.
25845,88,4,24,"Robin: Yeah, let's go."
25846,88,4,24,They finally come out of the hospital room.
25847,88,4,24,"Ted (2030): It was a long and crazy night, but in the morning, against all odds, I made my presentation."
25848,88,4,24,"Ted: There he is, gentlemen. Rib Town. Is it not? Is it not?"
25849,88,4,24,"Man: Ted, listen. You are great and you did a... great job, and you'll make other restaurants very happy one day, but... we...decided to go... in another direction."
25850,88,4,24,Ted: What?
25851,88,4,24,Man 2: Treat yourself with... Rib Town!
25852,88,4,24,Ted: Sven...
25853,88,4,24,At the apartment...
25854,88,4,24,"Marshall: I'll tell you, I will eat more chops."
25855,88,4,24,"Barney: Yeah, right."
25856,88,4,24,Marshall: I will not eat.. never... chops! Before Ted!
25857,88,4,24,Ted: It's a disaster. How I will recover?
25858,88,4,24,"Lily: OK, I'm just asking. You really want to recover?"
25859,88,4,24,Ted: What does that mean?
25860,88,4,24,"Lily: Architecture is killing you and it kills us to see her kill you.You're like the goat with the mop. You want it so much, and whenever the world try to get the resume, it hooks you. But you know what? This is only a wimp. Why do you want?"
25861,88,4,24,Ted: Because I have to be an architect. This is... That's the plan.
25862,88,4,24,"Lily: In the crapper, the plan. I wanted to be a famous artist.Marshall wanted to be environmental lawyer. Robin wanted to be a TV reporter."
25863,88,4,24,Robin: I am a TV reporter. I am on the air at 4am.
25864,88,4,24,Lily: It continues? Bravo.
25865,88,4,24,"Robin: What someone looks, please."
25866,88,4,24,Lily: Barney wanted to be a violinist. Need not tell me. You can not draw your life as a building. It does not work like that. You must live it and draw it to itself.
25867,88,4,24,"Ted: So what, I should do anything?"
25868,88,4,24,Lily: Look what the world tells you to do and took the leap.
25869,88,4,24,"Marshall: You're right. You're completely right. I love you, Lily."
25870,88,4,24,Lily: A metaphorical leap. A metaphorical leap!
25871,88,4,24,All: Do not do that. Not cool.
25872,88,4,24,Marshall arrives and jump off the roof on the terrace opposite.
25873,88,4,24,Marshall: I did it!
25874,88,4,24,"Lily: Honey, you did it!"
25875,88,4,24,Marshall: I can do anything!
25876,88,4,24,Lily: It's true!
25877,88,4,24,Marshall: I bought a motorcycle!
25878,88,4,24,"Lily: No, not at all!"
25879,88,4,24,"Marshall: OK, sorry. Come on, guys."
25880,88,4,24,"Robin jumps in turn, then Barney, followed by Lily and Ted."
25881,88,4,24,"Ted (2030): This is the year that I was left at the altar. The year I was a bartender tared Knocked The year I got fired. The year I got beat by a goat. A girl goat, and more. Yet it was the best year of my life. Because if this had not happened, I never had the best job of my life. But most importantly, I would not have met your mother, because as you know... It was in this class.Of course, this story is just beginning."
25882,89,5,1,2009: IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
25883,89,5,1,"Ted (2030): Kids, on my first day as a college professor, there were two things I didn't know that I wish did. The first thing was that your mother was in that classroom."
25884,89,5,1,A blond girl in the classroom raises her hand and Ted looks at her.
25885,89,5,1,"Ted (2030): The second thing? Well, to explain that we have to go back to the beginning of the summer."
25886,89,5,1,**FLASHBACK WITH IMAGES OF ROBIN AND BARNEY**
25887,89,5,1,"Ted (2030): When, after a year of wrestling with their feelings for each other, Barney and Robin finally, well..."
25888,89,5,1,Image of their kiss.
25889,89,5,1,
25890,89,5,1,IN. MC LAREN'S
25891,89,5,1,Lily: Whoo!!!
25892,89,5,1,"Robin: Lily! All we need is your indoor ""whoo."""
25893,89,5,1,"Lily: Sorry. (slower) Whoo! It's just they kissed! They're finally a couple. Oh, my God, you guys! This is our first double date! First of millions! What if our kids get married?! Oh I love this!"
25894,89,5,1,"Barney: Yeah, Lily, listen."
25895,89,5,1,Robin: Barney's awesome.
25896,89,5,1,"Barney: Robin's more than just awe-""some."" She's awe-""quite a bit."" She's awe-""a whole darn lot."""
25897,89,5,1,"Lily: Wait, what are you saying?"
25898,89,5,1,Robin: We're just not feeling it right now. But we'll totally still be friends.
25899,89,5,1,Barney: Oh yeah.
25900,89,5,1,Lily: Is it something I did?
25901,89,5,1,"Robin: Oh no, no, no. God, no. Lily, it's not you. It's us."
25902,89,5,1,"Barney: Yeah, It's us. You understand, right?"
25903,89,5,1,"Lily: Sure, of course. As long as you're happy, I'm happy."
25904,89,5,1,
25905,89,5,1,IN. LILY AND MASHALL'S ROOM
25906,89,5,1,Lily is crying and eating ice-cream.
25907,89,5,1,Lily: We were gonna take cooking lessons together and we were gonna go on camping trips together and then we were gonna sit around telling funny stories about our cooking lessons and our camping trips.
25908,89,5,1,Marshall: (trying to console her) I know. I Know. So... has the boat sailed on s*x tonight or...
25909,89,5,1,
25910,89,5,1,"Ted (2030): After that, the summer went by way too fast. Until all of a sudden, it was the Friday before my first day as a college professor."
25911,89,5,1,IN. MC LAREN'S BAR
25912,89,5,1,Marshall offers a big present to Ted.
25913,89,5,1,Ted: Wow! What's this?
25914,89,5,1,Marshall: It's just a little something that we got for you that used to belong to my favourite professor of all time.
25915,89,5,1,Ted opens the box.
25916,89,5,1,Ted: A fedora! (he puts it on his head and pulls out a whip) I'm Indiana Jones! I'm Indiana Jones!!
25917,89,5,1,"Barney: That, my friend, is the Dominator 8000, the best bullwhip on the market, according to my whip guy. Yeah, I have a whip guy."
25918,89,5,1,Ted: You know what we should do? We should...
25919,89,5,1,"Marshall: Finish our drinks, go out in the alley, and whip stuff."
25920,89,5,1,Ted: God... you just get me.
25921,89,5,1,"Robin: OK, I should get going. I got a date."
25922,89,5,1,Barney: You're still seeing that guy?
25923,89,5,1,"Robin: Even better, seeing him naked."
25924,89,5,1,Robin and Barney: (striking their fist) What!
25925,89,5,1,"Barney: I should go, too. I hooked up with this Chinese girl last night and I don't know, it's weird. I already feel like seconds."
25926,89,5,1,They strike their fist and leave the bar together.
25927,89,5,1,
25928,89,5,1,OUT. STREET BEHIND THE BAR
25929,89,5,1,"Marshall: OK Ted, You got first whip!"
25930,89,5,1,"Ted: All right. (imitating Clint Eastwood) Hey, dummy (to a mannequin). What did tell you about smoking in here?"
25931,89,5,1,"Marshall: Make him whip the habit! I'so excited about this whip! I got whip fever! Just whip him, Ted! Don't even aim! Just whip him!"
25932,89,5,1,
25933,89,5,1,IN. TED ANDMARSHALL'S HALL
25934,89,5,1,Marshall's cheek is red.
25935,89,5,1,Ted: I'm so sorry.
25936,89,5,1,"Marshall: It's just the whip's not a toy. There's such a thing as common sense, you know."
25937,89,5,1,Ted: You can whip me if you want.
25938,89,5,1,"Marshall: I will, some other time."
25939,89,5,1,They open the door of the apartment and come in. They see Robin and Barney kissing in the sofa.
25940,89,5,1,Lily: Whoo!!!!!!
25941,89,5,1,****GENERIC
25942,89,5,1,IN. TED AND ROBIN'S APPARTMENT
25943,89,5,1,"Lily: So, how long has this been going on?"
25944,89,5,1,Barney: All summer.
25945,89,5,1,Lily: I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! You guys are boyfriend and girlfriend.
25946,89,5,1,"Barney and Robin: Wow, wow..."
25947,89,5,1,Barney: Girlfriend?
25948,89,5,1,"Robin: Slow your roll there, Lilypad."
25949,89,5,1,"Barney: Yeah, yeah."
25950,89,5,1,Lily: You've been together all summer. I don't get it.
25951,89,5,1,"Robin: Ok, It's like this. After we kissed, we sat down to have the talk."
25952,89,5,1,**FLASHBACK**
25953,89,5,1,Robin: We should figure out what this is.
25954,89,5,1,"Barney: Yes, we should. Or. Or..."
25955,89,5,1,They kiss again.
25956,89,5,1,And after having s*x:
25957,89,5,1,"Robin: Okay, now, we have to figure this out."
25958,89,5,1,"Barney: Yes, we do. Or. Or..."
25959,89,5,1,They kiss again.
25960,89,5,1,**END OF FLASHBACK**
25961,89,5,1,Robin: We kept trying to have the talk and then we realized we hate the talk.
25962,89,5,1,"Barney: Yeah, the talk sucks. You have to, like, talk. And be all, ""I don't know."
25963,89,5,1,"It's not that I don't like you. It's just that I haven't had a girlfriend in a really long time. I hope it doesn't make you mad."" Who needs it?"
25964,89,5,1,"Lily: You needs it. Guys, you can't just keep hooking up and not at least try and figure out what you mean to each other."
25965,89,5,1,"Robin: Yeah, we knew you would say that. That's why we kept it a secret."
25966,89,5,1,"Barney: Well, that and the fact that elaborate lies really turn us on."
25967,89,5,1,"Lily: No, no, no (trying to hold Barney who tries to kiss Robin). You need to define the relationship. You ne to have the talk."
25968,89,5,1,Barney: Or. Or...
25969,89,5,1,And he kisses Robin.
25970,89,5,1,
25971,89,5,1,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
25972,89,5,1,"Ted: I know what you're all thinking. Who's this cool peer of mine up in front the class?"" I know the board says ""Professor Mosby,"" but to you I'm Ted."
25973,89,5,1,The blond girl raises her hand.
25974,89,5,1,Ted: Question. Awesome. Hit it.
25975,89,5,1,"Blond Girl: Yeah, here's my question, ""Ted,"" who the hell do you think you are?"
25976,89,5,1,"A boy: Yeah Ted, we're supposed to learn from you? You failed as an architect."
25977,89,5,1,"Another boy: And if you're a professor, where's your hat and your whip?"
25978,89,5,1,Ted: They're at home. I...
25979,89,5,1,Another girl: And where are your pants?
25980,89,5,1,Ted has no pants. Everybody in the class laughs.
25981,89,5,1,"Ted wakes, he's in his bed."
25982,89,5,1,IN. TED'S ROOM
25983,89,5,1,"Ted: Oh, God."
25984,89,5,1,"Barney is in the room, looking for a condom."
25985,89,5,1,"Ted: Barney, it was awful. I was teaching..."
25986,89,5,1,"Barney: Ted, now's not a good time. Where do you keep your condoms?"
25987,89,5,1,
25988,89,5,1,IN. MC LAREN'S
25989,89,5,1,Ted: I am freaking out. I don't think I can do this.
25990,89,5,1,"Barney: Okay, look, mistake number 1 was taking that girl's question. You don't take questions on the first day. It shows weakness. Mistake number 2 was you should've hit that. Dude, your pants were already off, you had a classroom full of people to cheer you on, and you can't knock her up 'cause it's a dream. Class dismissed."
25991,89,5,1,"Marshall: Mistake number 3, dude, where was the hat? Cause if you're not going to wear it, I'm taking it back."
25992,89,5,1,"Lily: I think what Barney's saying is that definitions are important. You're their teacher, not their friend."
25993,89,5,1,Barney: Exactly.
25994,89,5,1,"Lily: If people don't know their place, nobody's happy."
25995,89,5,1,Barney: Amen.
25996,89,5,1,Lily: You have to make things clear.
25997,89,5,1,Barney: Run tell that.
25998,89,5,1,Lily: Define the relationship.
25999,89,5,1,"Barney: Yes! No! Lily, private convo time."
26000,89,5,1,They go a little further.
26001,89,5,1,"Barney: Lily, can't you just let us be happy?"
26002,89,5,1,Lily: You're not happy. You just think you're happy because you feel happy.
26003,89,5,1,Barney: And that's not happy?
26004,89,5,1,Lily: Of course not. You and Robin need to have the talk.
26005,89,5,1,Barney: Why? Give me one good reason.
26006,89,5,1,Lily: I'll give you 20...
26007,89,5,1,"Barney: Waow, You can't even think of one. Headlights. Dear. Lily, for the last time, things with me and Robin are as good as they can possibly be. Oh, hey, look, Brad's here."
26008,89,5,1,"Brad: (to Robin) I've got two tickets to the Rangers/Canucks game tomorrow night. I know you're a hockey fan, so I was thinking..."
26009,89,5,1,"Robin: Euh, oh, hum, heu..."
26010,89,5,1,Brad: What do I have to do? Put a gun to your head? Buy you a six pack?
26011,89,5,1,He lifts his T-shirt.
26012,89,5,1,"Robin: Come on, Brad, that's... Wow, There's really six of them. But, I can't."
26013,89,5,1,Brad: Why not? You have a boyfriend?
26014,89,5,1,"Robin: No. No, no boyfriend."
26015,89,5,1,Brad: Great! It's a date.
26016,89,5,1,He turns to leave.
26017,89,5,1,Brad: Hey Barn!
26018,89,5,1,Barney: Hey Brad.
26019,89,5,1,Lily: I just thought of a reason.
26020,89,5,1,
26021,89,5,1,"Ted (2030): The next night, Robin and Brad went to a hockey game."
26022,89,5,1,OUT. HOCKEY GAME
26023,89,5,1,Robin: You're probably wondering why I've been quiet all night.
26024,89,5,1,**LILLTE FLASHBACK**
26025,89,5,1,"Robin: Damn it, Hordichuk! You miss another gimme like that, I'm gonna come down there and put a slapper right up your beerhole! Come on!"
26026,89,5,1,**END OF FLASHBACK**
26027,89,5,1,Brad: Not really.
26028,89,5,1,"Robin: The truth is, I feel kind of weird being out with you."
26029,89,5,1,"Brad: Oh, man. Is this the talk?"
26030,89,5,1,Robin: What?
26031,89,5,1,"Brad: No, this is good. Let's get it all out of the way. Robin, I'm looking for something serious."
26032,89,5,1,"Robin: No, Brad, no, it's..."
26033,89,5,1,"Brad: But before we go any further, you should know something about my stuff below the belt. I was born a little different."
26034,89,5,1,"Robin: God, no... Brad, no... This is about me and Barney."
26035,89,5,1,"Brad: You and Barn... oh, so you guys are..."
26036,89,5,1,"Robin: Well, we don't know what we are. I mean, my heart says ""leap into it."" My brain says ""it's a bad idea."""
26037,89,5,1,Brad: Sounds like you guys need to have the talk.
26038,89,5,1,
26039,89,5,1,IN. TED'S APPARTMENT
26040,89,5,1,Barney: We're not gonna have the talk.
26041,89,5,1,"Marshall: Would you just have the talk, okay? It's a five-minute conversation, and then you get to have s*x afterwards. It's great! Back me up, Ted."
26042,89,5,1,Ted: I don't think the talk is necessary.
26043,89,5,1,Marshall: What?!
26044,89,5,1,"Barney: Thank you, Ted."
26045,89,5,1,Ted: Because Robin is already his girlfriend.
26046,89,5,1,Barney: What?!
26047,89,5,1,"Ted: MacLaren's Bar, four years ago..."
26048,89,5,1,"** FLASHBACK MC LAREN'S BAR, 4 YEARS AGO**"
26049,89,5,1,"Barney: How do you keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend? Simple, the rules for girls are the same as the rules for gremlins."
26050,89,5,1,"Ted: ""Gremlins""?"
26051,89,5,1,"Barney: Gremlins. Rule number 1. Never get them wet. In otherords, don't let her take a shower at your place. Number 2. Keep them away from sunlight. I.E. Don't ever see them"
26052,89,5,1,"during the day. And rule number 3, never feed them after midnight. Meaning she doesn't sleep over and you don't have breakfast with her ever."
26053,89,5,1,Ted: What about brunch? Is brunch cool?
26054,89,5,1,"Barney: No, Ted. Brunch is not cool."
26055,89,5,1,"Ted: OK, new topic. How do I pick a tie?"
26056,89,5,1,Barney: Simple. Remember in the movie Predator...
26057,89,5,1,**END OF FLASHBACK**
26058,89,5,1,Barney: I've done all three of those things with Robin. Is she my girlfriend?
26059,89,5,1,"Marshall: Just once, I wish you guys would call me on Tuxedo Night."
26060,89,5,1,
26061,89,5,1,
26062,89,5,1,OUT. HOCKEY GAME
26063,89,5,1,"Voice: Ladies and gentlemen, time to pucker up for the New York Rangers Kiss Cam!"
26064,89,5,1,Robin and Brad are chosen by in the video cam.
26065,89,5,1,"Brad: Okay, how about this. If you kiss me, and you feel bad about it, you're meant to be with Barney."
26066,89,5,1,Robin: Why not? Lay it on me.
26067,89,5,1,They are about to kiss but Barney arrives and separates them.
26068,89,5,1,Barney: Hey Brad!
26069,89,5,1,He hits him but he hurts himself.
26070,89,5,1,"Barney: Brad, we can't fight like this all night! We both got some good shots in. Let's call a truce!"
26071,89,5,1,"Brad: It's okay, dude. I shouldn't go kissing some other guy's girlfriend."
26072,89,5,1,"Barney: Wow, wow, wow, Girlfriend? Hey, come on."
26073,89,5,1,Robin: That's putting it a bit strongly.
26074,89,5,1,Barney: A bit strongly. She's not my girlfriend.
26075,89,5,1,"Robin: A gifriend's a bit much, Brad, okay?"
26076,89,5,1,
26077,89,5,1,IN. MC LAREN'S
26078,89,5,1,"Lily: Okay, seriously. We're at the point of physical violence. Now, will you please have the talk?"
26079,89,5,1,Barney: Because of that? Come on. That's my thing. I'm always punching guys. Girls... I'll punch a baby. I don't care.
26080,89,5,1,
26081,89,5,1,"Ted (2030 ): Finally, my first class had arrived. For real this time. I knew I had to make"
26082,89,5,1,a strong impression. I had thought of everything. Except...
26083,89,5,1,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26084,89,5,1,Ted is writing his name on the blackboard.
26085,89,5,1,"Ted: (for himself) Wait. Does professor have one ""F"" or two? Oh, my God... Oh, my God! Professor. Pro-fess-or. They're all staring at me. I don't know. Just do something! Two ""F's"". That looks right. I think that's right."
26086,89,5,1,"He turns to see the students' reaction. A girl moves her head to say ""no"". So Ted transforms the F into E. Then he turns to see the girl, who says yes with her head."
26087,89,5,1,
26088,89,5,1,IN. ROBIN'S ROOM
26089,89,5,1,"Barney: Hey, sorry I went little too far last night."
26090,89,5,1,"Robin: We've been over this. Unless I say ""flugelhorn"" you haven't gone too far."
26091,89,5,1,"Barney: No, I meant punching Brad."
26092,89,5,1,"Robin: Right. Look, don't even worry about it. It's..."
26093,89,5,1,She tries to open the door but it's locked.
26094,89,5,1,"Robin: God. The doorknob's broken off. We're locked in here. Did, did you do this?"
26095,89,5,1,Barney: No.
26096,89,5,1,Robin: Flugelhorn. Did you do this?
26097,89,5,1,"Robin: (knocking at the door) Ted, are you out there?"
26098,89,5,1,"Lily: (sitting behind the door) Ted's not here, Robin."
26099,89,5,1,"Robin: Lily, let us out of here."
26100,89,5,1,Lily: I'd be glad to. Just as soon as you and Barney have the talk.
26101,89,5,1,Robin: Lily! Come on. Let us out!
26102,89,5,1,"Lily: No. Sit down, define the relationship, write down that definition on a piece of paper, slip it under the door, and if I like what I read, you can go."
26103,89,5,1,Barney: We are not having the talk!
26104,89,5,1,Lily: Then you'll die in there.
26105,89,5,1,"Robin: You're gonna lock us in here? Well, guess what? Maybe we'll spend the whole day having s*x!"
26106,89,5,1,"Lily: Well, guess what? I broughtMarshall with me, so maybe we'll do the same."
26107,89,5,1,"Marshall: Hey, guys."
26108,89,5,1,
26109,89,5,1,IN. TED'S CLASROOM
26110,89,5,1,Ted (2030): I still hadn't decided what kind of professor I wanted to be...authoritative or cool guy. I thought I would decide in the moment. And I did. About 20 times.
26111,89,5,1,"Ted: Good morning. 'Sup, dudes? Silence! This is Architecture 101. I am Professor Mosby. But you can call me Ted. Professor Mosby. T-Dawg. Do not call me T-Dawg."
26112,89,5,1,The same blond girl raises her hand.
26113,89,5,1,Barney appears as an angel.
26114,89,5,1,"Barney: Never take questions on the first day. It shows weakness. Also, don't look right here (showing girl's boobs). Okay, good luck. Byesies."
26115,89,5,1,And he disappears.
26116,89,5,1,"Ted (2030): This was it, my crossroads moment. What kind of professor was I gonna be. I had to decide."
26117,89,5,1,Ted: Please save all your questions until the end of the lecture. Thank you! Now...
26118,89,5,1,"Ted (2030): Professor Mosby had arrived. Of course, if I had taken"
26119,89,5,1,"that girl's question... who, by the way, was not your mom. Your mom was sitting... Wait, let me finish this real quick. Here's what that girl would have said."
26120,89,5,1,"Blond girl: I'm sorry to bother you, Professor Mosby, but this isn't Architecture 101. This is Economics 305. You're in the wrong classroom."
26121,89,5,1,"Ted (2030): Yes, I was in the wrong classroom. And thus began the most humiliating seven minutes of my life."
26122,89,5,1,Ted: Here's your think-about-it for the day. Every single person in this room... is already an architect.
26123,89,5,1,A girl: Architect?
26124,89,5,1,
26125,89,5,1,IN. ROBIN'S APPARTMENT
26126,89,5,1,"Robin and Barney are always looked in the room, while Lily and Marshall wait behind the door. Robin slips a note under the door."
26127,89,5,1,"Marshall: (reading): We're just hanging out."""
26128,89,5,1,Lily: Just hanging out? Not good enough.
26129,89,5,1,Marshall: (whipping with the whip) Not good enough!
26130,89,5,1,
26131,89,5,1,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26132,89,5,1,Ted: Can anyone here tell me what this class is really all about?
26133,89,5,1,A boy: Economics?
26134,89,5,1,Everybody laughs.
26135,89,5,1,"Ted: Don't laugh. He's not... He's not entirely wrong. An architect must be economical in his use of space, so... well done. Looks like someone's building towards an A."
26136,89,5,1,
26137,89,5,1,IN. ROBIN'S APPARTMENT
26138,89,5,1,"Marshall: (reading the new note slipped by Robin) ""We're seeing where things are going."""
26139,89,5,1,Lily: I'll tell you where things aren't doing... out of that bedroom. Not good enough.
26140,89,5,1,Marshall: (whipping) Not good enough!
26141,89,5,1,
26142,89,5,1,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26143,89,5,1,Ted: (to a student) You... Why do you want to be an architect?
26144,89,5,1,Student: I don't want to be an architect.
26145,89,5,1,"Ted: Yes, exactly. It's not something you want to be. It's something you need to be. You don't have a choice, right? None of you has a choice."
26146,89,5,1,Everybody raise their hand.
26147,89,5,1,Ted: No questions!
26148,89,5,1,
26149,89,5,1,ROBIN'S APPARTMENT
26150,89,5,1,"Marshall: (reading the new note) ""We're Barnman and Robin."" (he laughs) Come on, you got to admit, that's kind of fun, Lily."
26151,89,5,1,Lily: Not... good enough.
26152,89,5,1,Marshall: (whipping) Not good enough!
26153,89,5,1,
26154,89,5,1,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26155,89,5,1,"Ted: So if any of you have even the slightest inclination to do anything with your life other than become an architect, you're wasting my time and yours. There's the door... You can go. I'm serious. Get out, now."
26156,89,5,1,They are all about to leave.
26157,89,5,1,Ted: Wait... Don't... all leave! Architecture's fun! Look! I brought a hacky sack!
26158,89,5,1,"Other professor: (coming into the classroom) Sorry I'm late, everyone. My name is Professor Calzonetti. This is Economics 305. You may return to your seats."
26159,89,5,1,"Ted: Sorry, sir. This is... Architecture 101. Who invited their dad, right?"
26160,89,5,1,"Professor: Young man, for the last 28 years, Economics 305 has been taught right here in building 14, room 7."
26161,89,5,1,"Ted: Euh, yeah, but, I'm sure 200 architecture students and their professor all got the room wrong."
26162,89,5,1,"Student: T-Dawg, you're in the wrong room, bro."
26163,89,5,1,Everybody laugh.
26164,89,5,1,Ted runs to the right classroom.
26165,89,5,1,"Ted: Kids, out of my way! Sorry. Coming through. Excuse me. Coming through."
26166,89,5,1,
26167,89,5,1,IN. ROBIN AND TED'S APPARTMENT
26168,89,5,1,"Ted is back, he has told Lily and Marshall about his first day."
26169,89,5,1,Lily: 20 minutes late on your first day? That's rough.
26170,89,5,1,"Ted: Yeah, but here's the funny thing. By that point, I didn't have time to think about what kind of teacher I was going to be. I just got up there and talked about architecture. And it was kind of great."
26171,89,5,1,"Lily: That's awesome, Ted."
26172,89,5,1,"Marshall: Congratulations, buddy."
26173,89,5,1,Ted: Thanks.
26174,89,5,1,"Robin: (from her room) Nice job, Ted."
26175,89,5,1,"Barney: (from Robin's room) Hey, Ted, door five! Were you there?"
26176,89,5,1,"Ted: (to Barney) Yeah, I got you, buddy. (to Marshall and Lily) They still haven't had the talk?"
26177,89,5,1,Marshall: I think I know how to speed things up
26178,89,5,1,A few minutes later.
26179,89,5,1,Robin: Not cool!
26180,89,5,1,Marshall is using a ventilator to bring smells in their room.
26181,89,5,1,"Marshall: Pancakes, fresh bacon. It is so yummy."
26182,89,5,1,"Robin: (to Barney) Dude, I'm starving. Let's... Let's just have the stupid talk. Come on."
26183,89,5,1,Barney: Fine. But how do these things even work? What do we say?
26184,89,5,1,Lily slips a note under the door.
26185,89,5,1,"Robin: (reading) Where do you see this relationship going? My God, that sounds so cheesy."
26186,89,5,1,"Barney: I know, right?"
26187,89,5,1,Robin: Totally. But hum... Where do you see this relationship going?
26188,89,5,1,"Barney: I don't know. I mean, it's not like I don't like you. I just haven't had a girlfriend"
26189,89,5,1,for a long time. I hope that doesn't make you mad.
26190,89,5,1,"Robin: Mad? I feel the same way. I suck at relationships. I mean, except with Ted. He really got it right. I know it's a cliché, but... he really ruined me for other men."
26191,89,5,1,"Ted (2030): Of course, I wasn't in the room for this conversation, but I have to imagine"
26192,89,5,1,Robin said something like that.
26193,89,5,1,Barney: Maybe we should go back to being just friends.
26194,89,5,1,Robin: Maybe. But hum... I don't want to stop having s*x.
26195,89,5,1,"Barney: Good. Me, neither."
26196,89,5,1,Robin: Friends isn't gonna work.
26197,89,5,1,Barney: We're not good at being friends. We're not good at being in a relationship. What are we good at?
26198,89,5,1,Robin: I know something we're good at.
26199,89,5,1,"Barney: I don't know. If we're gonna do it again, I'm gonna need some Gatorade..."
26200,89,5,1,"Robin: No,not that. Lying. Think about it. We spent the whole summer lying about being just friends. Why not just keep lying?"
26201,89,5,1,They slip a note under the door. Lily takes it and read.
26202,89,5,1,Lily: Really?
26203,89,5,1,Robin: Really. We sat down. We had the talk. Barney's my boyfriend now.
26204,89,5,1,"Barney: And Robin's my girlfriend. I know it sounds nuts, but it feels good to say."
26205,89,5,1,"Robin: We're both afraid of commitment but... the fact is, we also can't live without each other."
26206,89,5,1,"Barney: And if the alternative is not being together, then it's worth taking this risk 'cause... she's awesome."
26207,89,5,1,Robin: And he's awesome. He looks nice in a suit.
26208,89,5,1,Barney: She can handle her Scotch.
26209,89,5,1,Robin:  He's my boyfriend.
26210,89,5,1,Barney: And she's my girlfriend.
26211,89,5,1,Lily unlocks the door and hugs them.
26212,89,5,1,Marshall: (whipping) Good enough!
26213,89,5,1,
26214,89,5,1,OUT. STREET
26215,89,5,1,Robin: (leaving the building) She bought it.
26216,89,5,1,"Barney: Hook, line, and sinker. We are good."
26217,89,5,1,"Robin: Totally. So, you want to get some breakfast?"
26218,89,5,1,"Barney: You know, brunch actually does sound kind of good."
26219,89,5,1,"Robin: Well, lead the way, sweetie pie."
26220,89,5,1,Barney: Flugelhorn?
26221,89,5,1,"Robin:  Yeah, that felt wrong."
26222,89,5,1,"Lily, Marshall and Robin watch them going away holding hands."
26223,89,5,1,"Ted: You do realize they were lying, right?"
26224,89,5,1,"Lily: No, Ted, they don't realize they weren't lying."
26225,89,5,1,
26226,89,5,1,IN. MC LAREN's
26227,89,5,1,"Marshall is coming, wearing a suit."
26228,89,5,1,Marshall: Hello. Hello. Good evening. Hello. Don't get up. Didn't we meet on a yacht? Hello.
26229,89,5,1,He sits next to Barney and Ted.
26230,90,5,2,"TED (2030):  This is the story of two blind dates. One in 2009... And one seven years earlier. In all that time, my dating routine remained more or less the same... until the fall of 2009, when I finally had a date that was different. Because it was exactly the same. I was on a blind date with the same woman I went on a blind date with seven years earlier."
26231,90,5,2,IN. JEN'S APPARTMENT 2002/2009 [Two years in the same screen]
26232,90,5,2,"Ted knocks on the door, she opens."
26233,90,5,2,Jen: Ted?
26234,90,5,2,Ted: Jen?
26235,90,5,2,**2009**
26236,90,5,2,Jen: It's nice to meet you.
26237,90,5,2,Ted (2030): And she didn't remember it. But then again...
26238,90,5,2,"Ted: It's nice to meet you, too."
26239,90,5,2,Ted (2030): Neither did I.
26240,90,5,2,***GENERIC
26241,90,5,2,IN. MC LAREN'S
26242,90,5,2,"Barney: Guess who just got four tickets to the ""Origins of Chewbacca"" Star Wars exhibit?"
26243,90,5,2,Lily: Why?
26244,90,5,2,"Barney: No, I said, ""Guess who?"""
26245,90,5,2,Lily:  I heard you.
26246,90,5,2,"Robin: Yeah, um, isn't it a little early in our relationship to do something that would end our relationship?"
26247,90,5,2,"Marshall: What? No, what are you talking about? It can be our first double date as couples! And plus, it sounds awesome! Is the original Chewbacca going to be there?"
26248,90,5,2,"Barney: Peter Mayhew, in the fur. Who's with me?"
26249,90,5,2,IN. TAXI
26250,90,5,2,Marshall has accepted to go with Barney and they took a taxi.
26251,90,5,2,"Marshall: Hey, do you think they'll have Wookiee to English dictionaries there? I mean, even just an everyday phrase book would be helpful."
26252,90,5,2,"Barney: We're not going to the ""Origins of Chewbacca"" exhibit,Marshall. It's inHouston this year. Everyone knows that. I just wanted to get rid of the girls."
26253,90,5,2,"Marshall: Where are you taking me, Barney?"
26254,90,5,2,Ted (2030): This wasn't the first time your Uncle Barney had kidnapped one of us.
26255,90,5,2,**FLASHBACK 4 YEARS EARLIER**
26256,90,5,2,IN. TAXI
26257,90,5,2,"Ted: Wait a second, the ""Origins of Chewbacca"" exhibit's inMontreal this year. Everyone knows that. Where are you taking me?"
26258,90,5,2,Barney: My guy in the DA's office scored us front row seats to a lethal injection. But we're still stopping for chili dogs first.
26259,90,5,2,Ted: Stop the cab.
26260,90,5,2,**END OF FLASHBACK**
26261,90,5,2,Marshall: Where are you taking me?
26262,90,5,2,IN. STRIP CLUB
26263,90,5,2,"Marshall: Barney, why are we here?"
26264,90,5,2,"Barney: Marshall, now that Robin and I are together, I've learned a lot about relationships by watching you and Lily."
26265,90,5,2,"Marshall: Thanks, man."
26266,90,5,2,Barney: You're a terrible couple. Lily has taken all the man out of you. I used to think that's just every relationship. But what I've got with Robin proves that you can have a girlfriend and fully functioning male genitalia all at the same time.
26267,90,5,2,"Marshall: Okay, right. So, if Robin knew that you were here, she would be completely fine with it?"
26268,90,5,2,"Barney: Are you kidding? She'd sprint down here with a purse full of singles and a poncho for the 10:30 Jell-O show. BT-Dub, I called ahead it's lime."
26269,90,5,2,
26270,90,5,2,"Ted (2030): Meanwhile, Jen and I were at my favourite first date restaurant... for the second time."
26271,90,5,2,IN. RESTAURANT
26272,90,5,2,"Ted: So, Jen, what do you do?"
26273,90,5,2,Jen: I'm between jobs banking crisis.
26274,90,5,2,**FLASHBACK 2002**
26275,90,5,2,Jen: I'm between jobs Internet bubble burst. Makes me realize I should go into something more stable... like banking. So what about you?
26276,90,5,2,"Ted: I'm an architect. Hopefully, one day, I can use my own humble brush on the masterpiece that isManhattan's skyline."
26277,90,5,2,** 2009**
26278,90,5,2,"Ted: I teach architecture. Get 50% off so, that's pretty sweet."
26279,90,5,2,
26280,90,5,2,IN. STRIP CLUB
26281,90,5,2,A striper comes up to Marshall.
26282,90,5,2,Marshall: Married!
26283,90,5,2,Barney: What is wrong with you? You're just looking. It's like fantasizing about other women. It's harmless. Wait. Don't tell me you don't fantasize about other women.
26284,90,5,2,Marshall: I do! It's just not that easy.
26285,90,5,2,Barney: False! I once fantasized about that silhouette chick you see on a truck's mudflaps. Took me less than a mile.
26286,90,5,2,"Marshall: Not everyone is you, okay, Barney? Even when I do start to have a dirty thought like that... it seems so much like cheating on Lily, that I feel guilty. So first, I need to have a different fantasy."
26287,90,5,2,**MARSHALL'S FANTASY**
26288,90,5,2,Lily starts to hiccup. Marshall took her to the hospital.
26289,90,5,2,Doctor:  Bad news. Lily has a rare and fatal hiccup disorder that's apparently medical illegitimate.
26290,90,5,2,Marshall : What?! How could this be?!
26291,90,5,2,"Doctor: Beats me, but it says it right here on this doctor clipboard that doctors have."
26292,90,5,2,"6 months later, Lily is still in the hospital."
26293,90,5,2,"Lily: It's time, baby."
26294,90,5,2,Marshall: I will never love again.
26295,90,5,2,"Lily: No,Marshall, you must. And after an appropriate number of years, you should find someone else. Someone like that busty delivery girl from that one time. And plow her like a cornfield."
26296,90,5,2,Then she dies.
26297,90,5,2,"At the funeral, the priest speaks."
26298,90,5,2,"Priest: And so,Marshall, to honour Lily, you must find that busty delivery girl from that one time and plow her like a cornfield."
26299,90,5,2,"And after an appropriate number of years, someone knocks at the door."
26300,90,5,2,Delivery girl: Delivery for Marshall Eriksen.
26301,90,5,2,"Marshall: (kissing his hand and looking up and ) This one's for you Lily. (to the delivery girl, opening his shirt) Where do I sign?"
26302,90,5,2,**END OF FANTASY**
26303,90,5,2,"Marshall: And then watch out, because it is on!"
26304,90,5,2,"Barney: That is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Dude, Lily gets you in real life She has no business in your fantasies."
26305,90,5,2,"Marshall: It's all I know, okay? I can't, I can't help it."
26306,90,5,2,"Barney: I accept your invitation. Marshall Eriksen, from this day forward, I will be the wingman of your mind. Now, focus on the next dancer. Put Lily completely out of your mind."
26307,90,5,2,"Voice: Gentlemen, say hello J-J-J-Jasmine."
26308,90,5,2,The striper looks like Lily.
26309,90,5,2,Marsahll: Barney? Is it just me or does that stripper look exactly like...?
26310,90,5,2,"Barney, excited, calls Ted on the phone."
26311,90,5,2,"Barney: Ted, we found a stripper who looks exactly like Lily!"
26312,90,5,2,"Ted:  Yeah, I can't talk right now."
26313,90,5,2,"Barney: I'm speechless, too. Everything's as perky as we've always imagined!"
26314,90,5,2,Marshall: Stop looking at her.
26315,90,5,2,"Ted: Uh, look, I got to go. Take a picture."
26316,90,5,2,"Barney: Oh, I will. But first, I'm going to makeMarshall watch as I wedge Ulysses S. Grant between his wife's tatas."
26317,90,5,2,Marshall: (hitting him) I'll kill you!
26318,90,5,2,
26319,90,5,2,IN. RESTAURANT
26320,90,5,2,Ted: (hanging up his cellular) Sorry about that.
26321,90,5,2,"Jen: So, any thoughts on food?"
26322,90,5,2,**2002**
26323,90,5,2,"Ted: Yeah, do you wanna share the oysters?"
26324,90,5,2,Jen: I would love to share the oysters.
26325,90,5,2,Ted:  Good. 'Cause if you didn't......that would be mighty shellfish.
26326,90,5,2,"Jen: Wow, that's bad."
26327,90,5,2,Ted: That's why it's funny!
26328,90,5,2,**2009**
26329,90,5,2,Ted and Jen: We've been on this date before.
26330,90,5,2,Ted: We've been on this exact blind date before.
26331,90,5,2,Jen: In this exact same restaurant.
26332,90,5,2,"Ted: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that blind date went too well."
26333,90,5,2,Jen: Me neither. I remember thinking that you were a little snobby.
26334,90,5,2,"Ted: Wait, you... You dressur cats up in weird costumes."
26335,90,5,2,"Jen: They're not weird. See, you're being snobby again."
26336,90,5,2,"Ted: Oh, my God. Do you realize what this means? Since our first date, we've done a complete lap of all the single people inNew York only to end up back here, with each other."
26337,90,5,2,"Jen: Whoa. We're going to die alone, aren't we?"
26338,90,5,2,"Ted: Well, you've got your cats."
26339,90,5,2,They chuckle.
26340,90,5,2,Jen: This is insane.
26341,90,5,2,"Ted: Wait, I got to ask. Why did you think I was snobby?"
26342,90,5,2,"Jen: Wait... Okay... yeah, we were sitting over there... (showing a table)"
26343,90,5,2,**2002**
26344,90,5,2,"Ted laughs, reading the menu."
26345,90,5,2,"Ted: Main Lobster. They spelled ""Maine"" without the ""e."" Good to know we're not getting the crappy understudy lobsters, right? Tonight, the role of pound-and-a-half lobster will be played by..."
26346,90,5,2,"Jen: I get it, Ted."
26347,90,5,2,**2009**
26348,90,5,2,Jen: Pointing out spelling errors in a menu makes you seem kind of snooty.
26349,90,5,2,Ted: Huh. I had no idea.
26350,90,5,2,"Jen: Okay, well, what about me? Aside from the cats, how did I come across?"
26351,90,5,2,"Ted: That's right-- the check. The check came and, of course, I was going to pay, but you didn't do the check dance."
26352,90,5,2,**2002**
26353,90,5,2,The waiter brings the check. Ted takes it and Jen don't even look at it.
26354,90,5,2,**2009**
26355,90,5,2,"Ted ; Guys want to wave the girl off and, you know, look like a big shot."
26356,90,5,2,Jen: Huh. I had no idea.
26357,90,5,2,"Ted: This is good. We're learning stuff. You know what we should do? We should retrace the rest of that night and figure out what else we do wrong on first dates. 'Cause let's be honest, we are scaring people off, Jen."
26358,90,5,2,"Jen: We really are. Okay, I'm in."
26359,90,5,2,Ted: Great.
26360,90,5,2,Jen: Where'd we go next?
26361,90,5,2,Ted: I think we went to MacLaren's.
26362,90,5,2,Jen: Okay.
26363,90,5,2,They rise up.
26364,90,5,2,"Jen: Hey, I didn't really talk about my cats that much, did I?"
26365,90,5,2,**2002**
26366,90,5,2,"Jen: And then, there's Tabby-gail Adams, the jester of the group."
26367,90,5,2,**2009**
26368,90,5,2,Jen: Tone down the kitty talk. Check.
26369,90,5,2,They leave the restaurant.
26370,90,5,2,
26371,90,5,2,IN. MC LAREN'S
26372,90,5,2,Barney: You will not believe who we saw tonight.
26373,90,5,2,"Marshall: Dude, um..."
26374,90,5,2,Barney: We saw the third doppelganger!
26375,90,5,2,Ted (2030): I should explain. Over the years we had spotted two strangers who looked exactly like
26376,90,5,2,members of our group.
26377,90,5,2,**FLASHBACK**
26378,90,5,2,OUT. STEET
26379,90,5,2,"Barney: Hey, hey, hey, hey! (showing a girl who spits on the ground)"
26380,90,5,2,Ted (2030): Lesbian Robin.
26381,90,5,2,OUT. OTHER STREET
26382,90,5,2,The group sees a photo in a bus.
26383,90,5,2,"Ted (2030): And Moustache Marshall. By the following summer, we would find the remaining two doppelgangers. But I'll get to that."
26384,90,5,2,**END OF FLASHBACK**
26385,90,5,2,"Barney: Ladies, meet Stripper Lily. (showing a photo in his cellular)"
26386,90,5,2,Lily: Oh!
26387,90,5,2,"Barney: Yeah, I couldn't get her face in it. But she looks just like you."
26388,90,5,2,Lily: So you went to a strip club?
26389,90,5,2,Barney: Busted.
26390,90,5,2,Lily: And there was a stripper who looked exactly like me?
26391,90,5,2,"Marshall: Okay, babe, look, before you get mad, let me..."
26392,90,5,2,"Lily: Awesome! I bet the guys were going crazy. Oh, I bet they wanted to touch her so bad. But all you can do is look, unless you go into the back room, but honey, you got to pay for that."
26393,90,5,2,Robin: So... Strip club.
26394,90,5,2,Barney: Marshall made me go.
26395,90,5,2,
26396,90,5,2,
26397,90,5,2,OUT. STREET
26398,90,5,2,"Ted: All right, so what did I do wrong next? Let me have it. I'm here to learn."
26399,90,5,2,"Jen: Well, I kept telling you I was cold, but you didn't offer me your jacket."
26400,90,5,2,**2002**
26401,90,5,2,"Jen: It's a little brisk out tonight, huh?"
26402,90,5,2,Ted: Not really.
26403,90,5,2,Jen: Really? I can't feel my fingers.
26404,90,5,2,Ted: I'm pretty impervious to stuff like that.
26405,90,5,2,**2009**
26406,90,5,2,Ted: I couldn't admit I was cold. I didn't want to seem like a wimp compared to your action hero ex-boyfriend who you wouldn't stop talking about.
26407,90,5,2,**2002**
26408,90,5,2,"Jen: After a day of fighting fires, Jim would love to come home and unwind working on his '68 Camaro. That or bare-knuck boxing, which he learned in the Marine Corps."
26409,90,5,2,Ted: I had an aunt in the Coast Guard.
26410,90,5,2,**2002**
26411,90,5,2,"Jen: Okay, so no talking about the ex. Not even about his shockingly small wiener?"
26412,90,5,2,Ted: See? Why didn't you lead off with that?
26413,90,5,2,
26414,90,5,2,IN. MC LAREN'S
26415,90,5,2,Lily: Was there a shower on stage? Sometimes there's a shower on stage. I bet stripper me would get in there with another girl and just go bananas.
26416,90,5,2,"Barney: See,Marshall? We got to have a bros' night at a strip club and both of our ladies are totally cool with it."
26417,90,5,2,Robin: I'm not cool with it.
26418,90,5,2,Barney: Because they understand that it's healthy for us to do that from time to time.
26419,90,5,2,Robin: It's disgusting.
26420,90,5,2,Barney: Because it's harmless.
26421,90,5,2,Robin: Did one of your whores tell you that?
26422,90,5,2,"Barney: And, Lil,Marshall shouldn't have to go to so much trouble just to have an innocent fantasy."
26423,90,5,2,Lily: Trouble? What trouble?
26424,90,5,2,"Marshall: It's, no, it's nothing."
26425,90,5,2,"Barney: Marshall, tell her. We're all friends here."
26426,90,5,2,"Robin: No, we're not."
26427,90,5,2,"Marshall: Lily, Sometimes I think about other women. Okay, it happens. But even when I do, I feel so guilty that I have to imagine you... passing away first, because even in a fantasy world, I could never cheat on you. You're... you're just my life, baby. And I love you."
26428,90,5,2,"Lily: You kill me off?! I mean, fantasize about other girls all you want, but could you maybe not murder me?!"
26429,90,5,2,"Marshall: Murder?! No! I, baby-no. You develop a chronic illness! I spare no expense for your care! I even stand up a foundation in your name. We're, like, this close to a cure."
26430,90,5,2,
26431,90,5,2,OUT. STREET
26432,90,5,2,Ted: Remember? (showing the Mc Laren's bar)
26433,90,5,2,"Jen: Oh, yeah! I do remember. We went in here for a drink with your friends. Who I loved... Or hated, depending on whether you're still friends with them."
26434,90,5,2,Ted: You loved them.
26435,90,5,2,"Jen: They're family, Ted."
26436,90,5,2,"Ted: Let's go in and see what they remember. And they are my best friends, so don't be surprised if they suddenly ""can't think"" of anything I do wrong."
26437,90,5,2,IN. MC LAREN'S
26438,90,5,2,Robin: Did he juggle? Bad puns? Mmm. Expect a standing ovation for picking up a $19 check
26439,90,5,2,"Lily: Oh, let's not forget the menu typo gold mine. Keep pannin' that river, buddy."
26440,90,5,2,"Marshall: Well, it is a lot cheaper than buying a condom. Oh!"
26441,90,5,2,Jen: Actually you know what it was? I remember him coming across as kind of a player.
26442,90,5,2,Ted: Me?
26443,90,5,2,All the other: Ted?
26444,90,5,2,Jen: Yeah. We were all sitting over there... (showing a table)
26445,90,5,2,**2002**
26446,90,5,2,"Jen: And here's a picture of my cats dressed up like Batman villains. You got the Joker, the Riddler, Mr. Freeze..."
26447,90,5,2,Lily: What about Cat Woman?
26448,90,5,2,"Jen: Yeah, that would've been good."
26449,90,5,2,Barney: Psst! Ted! (showing a girl with his head)
26450,90,5,2,Ted: (looking at the girl) Nice.
26451,90,5,2,**2009**
26452,90,5,2,"Ted: Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no! I remember that. I was not checking out a girl."
26453,90,5,2,**2002**
26454,90,5,2,"Barney ; Psst, Ted. (showing a Moustache Marshall with his head)"
26455,90,5,2,Ted: Nice.
26456,90,5,2,**2009**
26457,90,5,2,Ted: We were checking out Moustache Marshall.
26458,90,5,2,The other: Ah...
26459,90,5,2,"Jen: Gosh, I thought you were such a jerk. I'm so sorry."
26460,90,5,2,"Ted: Yeah, well, it's nice to know ""past me"" wasn't a total jackass, huh?"
26461,90,5,2,"Jen: ""Present you"" isn't so bad, either."
26462,90,5,2,
26463,90,5,2,OUT. ROOFTOP OF TED'S BUILDING
26464,90,5,2,Jen: Thank you very much.
26465,90,5,2,Ted: You got it.
26466,90,5,2,"Jen: Yes. Oh, yeah! I remember this."
26467,90,5,2,**2002**
26468,90,5,2,"Ted: ...and there's theChryslerBuilding. And the Empire State Building. And at 12:00, a rotund couple going at it against the glass."
26469,90,5,2,"Jen: Aww... That's kind of sweet. Oh, look. Snack break."
26470,90,5,2,"Ted: Good for them. Letting a guy eat pizza off your back, that's love. So, um... I know this wasn't the best"
26471,90,5,2,"first date of all time, but, uh, I'm glad we stuck it out."
26472,90,5,2,"Jen: Me, too."
26473,90,5,2,They kiss.
26474,90,5,2,**2009**
26475,90,5,2,Ted: That was really great. Wh... What went wrong?
26476,90,5,2,Jen: I remember now.
26477,90,5,2,**2002**
26478,90,5,2,Jen: (after the kiss) Wow.
26479,90,5,2,"Ted: Yeah. So would you maybe, um... want to go out again?"
26480,90,5,2,"Jen: Yeah, I, I would. Will you call me?"
26481,90,5,2,Ted: Absolutely.
26482,90,5,2,Jen: Promise?
26483,90,5,2,Ted: Promise.
26484,90,5,2,**2009**
26485,90,5,2,Ted: I have been so busy.
26486,90,5,2,"Jen: Good night, Ted."
26487,90,5,2,She's leaving when her phone rings.
26488,90,5,2,Jen: Hello?
26489,90,5,2,"Ted: Jen, I sorry. Look, I know I'm seven years late with this call, but I was an idiot back then. You saw the goatee. The truth is, I had a great time tonight, and I'd love to see you again."
26490,90,5,2,"Jen: Ted, there are two kinds of guys. The guys that you want to call you, who don't; and the guys you don't want to call you, who always do. And somehow, right now, you're both."
26491,90,5,2,
26492,90,5,2,IN. MC LAREN's
26493,90,5,2,"Lily: Baby... You should be able to fantasize about another woman without feeling guilty, or you know, killing me off."
26494,90,5,2,"Marhsall: I wish that I could, but I've been doing this for so long, I'm all confused about death and s*x. It's gotten to the pot where every time I drive past a cemetery, I'm sportin' a partial."
26495,90,5,2,"Lily: All right, we got to fix this."
26496,90,5,2,
26497,90,5,2,IN. STRIP CLUB
26498,90,5,2,"Lily: Okay, when Stripper Lily gets out here, you have my permission to fantasize about her. And since she's basically me, maybe you won't feel guilty."
26499,90,5,2,"Marshall: Thanks, baby. I'm-I'm so lucky I have you. And stripper you."
26500,90,5,2,Lily: Bring out Stripper Lily!
26501,90,5,2,"Barney: (to Robin) You know, I don't come here that much."
26502,90,5,2,"Waitress: Hey, Barney. He's the usual and I'll send over the other usual as soon as she's done stretching."
26503,90,5,2,"Barney: Thank you, kindly stranger."
26504,90,5,2,"Voice: Ladies and gentlemen... Oh, hey, Barney. Didn't see you come in. I'll load up some AC/DC for you, buddy. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for J-J-Jasmine."
26505,90,5,2,Jasmine starts her show.
26506,90,5,2,"Lily: I am hot! Oh, crawl for it, stripper me.I is awesome. Baby, can I get another hundred?"
26507,90,5,2,Marshall: That was a hundred?
26508,90,5,2,"Lily: Wow, she crawls fast."
26509,90,5,2,
26510,90,5,2,OUT. ROOFTOP
26511,90,5,2,"Ted: Look, Jen, I wish I could go back and talk some sense into 2002 Ted, but that guy's a lost cause. He's 24. He thinks a little facial hair makes him look like John Depp. And he has no idea what a great girl he's missing out on. But I've learned a lot since then. I've learned a lot tonight."
26512,90,5,2,"Jen: The only thing that we've learned is that, seven years ago, it was mistake for us to go out. And I guess it was a mistake for us to go out tonight."
26513,90,5,2,"Ted: No, it wasn't. I had a great time tonight. And seven years ago, if you think about it, we didn't miss by that much. If a couple things had gone a little bit differently... who knows what"
26514,90,5,2,would have happened?
26515,90,5,2,Ted imagines: She wants to pay the restaurant. He offers her his jacket. They takes pictures with Moustache Marshall. He calls her after their date. They marry.
26516,90,5,2,Jen: Wow.
26517,90,5,2,Marshall: Wow.
26518,90,5,2,
26519,90,5,2,STRIP CLUB
26520,90,5,2,Barney: You are the best. My girlfriend is at a strip club with me and she couldn't care less.
26521,90,5,2,"Robin: I do care, Barney. Look, we're dating now, okay? That changes things. We have to have a serious talk about this."
26522,90,5,2,Barney: Just the best.
26523,90,5,2,"Marshall: Hey. Girlfriend trouble? I wish I could help, but my unbelievably cool wife just bought us a private dance with her stripper body double. So if you need me, I'll be getting grinded like some pepper, in theChampagne room."
26524,90,5,2,Barney: Just the best.
26525,90,5,2,
26526,90,5,2,OUT. ROOFTOP
26527,90,5,2,Jen: ... now what?
26528,90,5,2,Ted: I just remembered why I didn't call you.
26529,90,5,2,Jen: Why?
26530,90,5,2,"Ted: I can't believe I'm gonna screw this up again, but, um... I like finding typos in menus."
26531,90,5,2,Jen: What?
26532,90,5,2,Ted: And I know my shellfish pun is stupid but the truth... I'm not suddenly gonna stop making stupid jokes.
26533,90,5,2,Jen: Now that you mention it... I'm never going to stop talking about my cats. They're funny and adorable and totally worth having to take six Benadryl a day.
26534,90,5,2,"Ted: Shouldn't we hold out for the person who doesn't just tolerate our little quirks, but actually kind of likes them? Even if it means finding ourselves on another blind date with each other, seven years from now?"
26535,90,5,2,"Jen: Oh, dear God, I hope that doesn't happen."
26536,90,5,2,"Ted: Well... good luck out there, Jen."
26537,90,5,2,"Jen: You too, Ted. You'll find your shellfish lady."
26538,90,5,2,"Ted (2030): And kids, when I told your mother that shellfish joke, she did laugh. And I swear, it was only, like, 30% pity."
26539,90,5,2,
26540,90,5,2,IN. STRIP CLUB
26541,90,5,2,"Jasmine is on the stage, but is not doing very well. Lily is coming near Marshall."
26542,90,5,2,"Marshall: Hey, Lil. Looks like, uh, Jasmine's having a hard time getting out of those boots."
26543,90,5,2,"Lily: (smoking and looking weird) What did you say, buddy?"
26544,90,5,2,Marshall: Lily?
26545,90,5,2,"Lily: Who? Oh, yes... I am this Lily. We married long time. May I have monies for shopping?"
26546,91,5,3,"Ted (2030): Kids, your uncle Barney had been called a lot of names over the years."
26547,91,5,3,**SEVERAL FLASHBACK**
26548,91,5,3,Girl 1: (throwing her glass to his face) Jerk!
26549,91,5,3,**
26550,91,5,3,Girl 2: (throwing her glass to his face) b*st*rd!
26551,91,5,3,**
26552,91,5,3,Girl 3: Barack Obama Jr.?!
26553,91,5,3,Barney: Mm-hmm. And yes... we can.
26554,91,5,3,
26555,91,5,3,Ted (2030): But there's one name none of us ever expected to hear him called.
26556,91,5,3,2009 TED'S APARTMENT
26557,91,5,3,"Robin: Boyfriend. Barney Stinson is my boyfriend. I've said it, like, a hundred times it still sounds weird to say."
26558,91,5,3,"Ted: Well, anything sounds weird if you say it a hundred times. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl."
26559,91,5,3,"Lily: But other than that, things are good?"
26560,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl. Bowl.
26561,91,5,3,Robin: I don't know. I think Barney's been single for too long.
26562,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl.
26563,91,5,3,"Robin: Like, the other night, I wake up at 4:00 a.m"
26564,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl.
26565,91,5,3,**FLASHBACK**
26566,91,5,3,ROBIN'S BEDROOM
26567,91,5,3,"Robin: Barney, are you awake? Barney?"
26568,91,5,3,He tries to escape by the window.
26569,91,5,3,Robin: Barney. This is not a one-night stand. We're dating. Come back to bed.
26570,91,5,3,**END OF FLASHBACK**
26571,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl.
26572,91,5,3,Robin: That's happened three times.
26573,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl.
26574,91,5,3,"Robin: And it's not just that, it's other things."
26575,91,5,3,**FLASHBACK**
26576,91,5,3,Barney enters into to apartment and see Robin crying.
26577,91,5,3,Barney: Hey. What's wrong?
26578,91,5,3,"Robin: (crying) It was just one thing after another at work today, and then... (sniffling) I found out my aunt's in the hospital. I'm just, I'm feeling so overwhelmed and it's just..."
26579,91,5,3,"Barney: Shh, shh, shh. What you need to do is talk through this stuff."
26580,91,5,3,"Robin: Oh, thanks."
26581,91,5,3,"Barney: And then, once you're off the phone with Lily, I'll be down in the bar ready to have s*x. Mm-kay?"
26582,91,5,3,**END OF FLASHBACK**
26583,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl.
26584,91,5,3,"Robin: Look, I'm not the touchy-feely-est person in the world, but... a little more effort would be nice."
26585,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl. Bowl.
26586,91,5,3,Robin: I understand.
26587,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl.
26588,91,5,3,"Lily: I guess, in a lot of ways, Barney doesn't stack up."
26589,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl. Bowl.
26590,91,5,3,"Lily: I mean, you've had some pretty incredible boyfriends."
26591,91,5,3,Ted: (at various pitches) Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl.
26592,91,5,3,"Robin: No, that's not it."
26593,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl.
26594,91,5,3,Robin: I don't know.
26595,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl
26596,91,5,3,Robin: Maybe he just doesn't have it in him.
26597,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl. Bowl.
26598,91,5,3,Robin: Maybe is whole thing's a big mistake.
26599,91,5,3,Ted: Bowl?
26600,91,5,3,
26601,91,5,3,IN. MC LAREN'S
26602,91,5,3,Barney: She really said that?
26603,91,5,3,"Ted: And she meant it. Trust me. I dated Robin for a year-- if you don't want to lose her, you gotta try a little harder. Be more attentive to where she is emotionally. You know, just be present."
26604,91,5,3,"Barney: Yes, totally. Yeah. Only thing, and this is just me--"
26605,91,5,3,Ted: Mm-hmm.
26606,91,5,3,"Barney: I like my testicles attached to my body, rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out!"
26607,91,5,3,
26608,91,5,3,"Ted (2030): But then a funny thing happened. Over the next couple weeks, Barney was thoughtful, considerate, sweet. In short, the perfect boyfriend. Which, to Robin, meant only one thing."
26609,91,5,3,IN. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
26610,91,5,3,Robin: He's cheating on me.
26611,91,5,3,Lily: What?!
26612,91,5,3,Robin: Why else would he buy me flowers? He's gettin' some on the side.
26613,91,5,3,"Lily: Oh, come on, Robin. Barney's not the type of guy who would... Go on."
26614,91,5,3,"Robin: Plus, he keeps saying he's working late. But when I call his office, they say he left hours ago."
26615,91,5,3,"Lily: Well, that doesn't prove anything."
26616,91,5,3,Robin: Yes. Proof. Go word. I'm glad you brought that up. Barney's briefcase. He forgot it here this morning. (taking Barney's briefcase).
26617,91,5,3,Lily: And what do you plan on doing with it?
26618,91,5,3,"Robin: We, we-- you and I-- are going to open it up and look for evidence. Ted probably has a sledgehammer around here somewhere."
26619,91,5,3,"Lily: No! Stop! Stop! Eye contact. Listen to me. Robin Scherbatsky is many things: friend, confidant, occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target. But she is no crazy, jealous stalker-bitch. (snatching the briefcase) Let go."
26620,91,5,3,Marshall opens the door and enters into the apartment.
26621,91,5,3,"Marshall: Hey, I've been down in the basement storage area going through all the stuff that Lily and I left behind when we moved out. I'm Robin. We should've cleared it out for you much sooner."
26622,91,5,3,Robin: There's a basement storage area?
26623,91,5,3,"Marshall: Oh, you're not upset. Good. Baby, guess what I found."
26624,91,5,3,He brings a big barrel.
26625,91,5,3,"Lily: Oh, that's great, honey."
26626,91,5,3,Robin: What the hell is that?
26627,91,5,3,Lily: Marshall got it in college. He used it as a nightstand for years.
26628,91,5,3,Marshall: Until we found out that Lily was allergic to barrel resin
26629,91,5,3,Robin: (slowly) Barrel resin?
26630,91,5,3,Lily: Just go with it.
26631,91,5,3,Robin: So you need a hand throwing it out?
26632,91,5,3,"Marshall: No, I'm not... I'm not just going to throw her out, okay? Mabel's like family."
26633,91,5,3,"Robin: So, um, what are you gonna do with Mabel?"
26634,91,5,3,"Marshall: I want to give her away, um, to a lucky new owner. Do you know anyone?"
26635,91,5,3,"Robin: Yeah, hmm, let me think. Do I know any rodeo clowns? Oh, that's weird, I do. But even Lenny wouldn't go near that mess."
26636,91,5,3,"Marshall: Well, he's not going to have the chance, because I am putting old Mabel in the Bermuda Triangle."
26637,91,5,3,"Ted ( 2030): The Bermuda Triangle was the name we'd given years earlier to the curb right in front of our building. Whenever we wanted to give something away, we'd put it right there. It was uncanny."
26638,91,5,3,Marshall: This is so exciting. Right now there's some out there who has no idea that tonight they're going home with just... just the best barrel.
26639,91,5,3,"Robin: Well, let's just hope they're not allergic to barrel sin like Lily here."
26640,91,5,3,"Lily: (to Robin) Be cool, baby. Damn! (toMarshall who is leaving with his barrel) See you, sweetie. Good luck."
26641,91,5,3,"Marshall: Bye, babe."
26642,91,5,3,"Lily: Now, can we please get out of here?"
26643,91,5,3,Robin: Yeah. I'll grab my coat.
26644,91,5,3,Robin hits the briefcase with a big hammer.
26645,91,5,3,Robin: Oops.
26646,91,5,3,She opens it and look at the documents
26647,91,5,3,Lily: A college notebook?!
26648,91,5,3,"Robin: Oh, my God, he's cheating on me with some college girl. I knew there was a skank but I thought she'd at least be dumb.(reading the notebook) ""Birthday: July 23.Favorite hockey team: the Vancouver Canucks. Age: 29, but tells people that she's 26."" Oh, my God,these are notes about me. Or some 29-year-old version of me."
26649,91,5,3,"Marsahll comes back, excited."
26650,91,5,3,Marshall: I hope I'm not too late! I want to see the look of joy on the new owner's face!
26651,91,5,3,He runs to the window and takes binoculars.
26652,91,5,3,"Marshall: She's still there! Okay Mabel, let's find you a new home. Here comes a guy! And he... he just walked, walked right on by it. He's probably rushing home to get a handcart or something. Yeah! Hey, better hurry up, pal. What are you guys doing with Barney's secret Robin notebook? Let me rephrase that. Did you two ladies lose some weight?"
26653,91,5,3,"Lily: What do you know about this,Marshall?"
26654,91,5,3,Robin: Why would Barney have a notebook full of information about me?
26655,91,5,3,Marshall: Well...
26656,91,5,3,
26657,91,5,3,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26658,91,5,3,Ted (2030): The truth was...Barney was taking a night school class taught... by me.
26659,91,5,3,Ted: Welcome to Robin 101.
26660,91,5,3,
26661,91,5,3,IN. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
26662,91,5,3,Robin: Why is Ted teaching a class about me? It all started a few weeks ago.
26663,91,5,3,**FLASHBACK**
26664,91,5,3,IN. MC LAREN'S
26665,91,5,3,Barney: ...rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out!
26666,91,5,3,He leaves but come back immediately.
26667,91,5,3,"Barney: Stinson back in. Say, hypothetically, I did want to change who I am to become a better boyfriend to Robin, which I do not! What kind of changes are we talking about?"
26668,91,5,3,"Ted: Why, I mean, there's just so much you need to know about her. Okay, for starters, don't ever cry in front her."
26669,91,5,3,Barney: Okay.
26670,91,5,3,"Ted: And whatever you do, don't cry in front of her four times."
26671,91,5,3,Robin arrives.
26672,91,5,3,"Robin: Hey, guys. What you talking about?"
26673,91,5,3,Barney and Ted: Fantasy football.
26674,91,5,3,**END OF FLASHBACK**
26675,91,5,3,"Marshall: They realized they couldn't talk about this stuff at the bar, and since you live with Ted, they had to find someplace safe. So... Ted's classroom."
26676,91,5,3,
26677,91,5,3,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26678,91,5,3,"Ted:  ""How To Date Robin Scherbatsky."" Lesson one. Now, even though she puts up a tough exterior, what Robin really wants, deep down..."
26679,91,5,3,Barney: I'm bored.
26680,91,5,3,Ted: You said you wanted my help.
26681,91,5,3,Barney: Can we draw boobs on the chalkboard?
26682,91,5,3,Ted: We did that ready.
26683,91,5,3,"Barney:  No, like, really big boobs."
26684,91,5,3,"Ted: No. Look, I need this, too. I've only been a professor a few weeks. Being up here, it's, it's good practice for me."
26685,91,5,3,Barney: Can we have class outside?
26686,91,5,3,Ted: No! What Robin really wants deep down...
26687,91,5,3,Cell phone chimes.
26688,91,5,3,Ted: Barney!
26689,91,5,3,"Barney: What? I'm tweeting about you. You should be flattered. How do you spell blah-blah-blah- ""H's"" or no?"
26690,91,5,3,"Ted: Wow, you were just, like, the worst student in the world, weren't you?"
26691,91,5,3,Barney: They said I had A-D... something. Can we have class outside?
26692,91,5,3,"Ted: Barney, I'm only gonna say this once, so listen up. I love you and I love Robin. And I want to make this work. So if you give me a few weeks of attention, I could give you a lifetime of happiness. Can you do that for me?"
26693,91,5,3,Barney: Do you think I should get Sports Illustrated for 70% off the cover price? Can we have class outside? I got to find a way to reach this kid.
26694,91,5,3,IN. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
26695,91,5,3,"Lily: (reading) ""Class number two."""
26696,91,5,3,"Robin: ""Top Ten Robin Scherbatsky Facial Expressions and Their Meaning."""
26697,91,5,3,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26698,91,5,3,Ted makes a projection of a photo of Robin.
26699,91,5,3,"Ted: Now, notice the vacant eyes, the pale, queasy expression, suggesting nausea. What do these mean?"
26700,91,5,3,Barney: You guys just had s*x? Oh! Wasn't me.
26701,91,5,3,"Ted: Dude! I worked really hard on these slides, okay? Can we just..."
26702,91,5,3,Barney: Okay.
26703,91,5,3,"Ted: This look is hunger. If you ever see Robin looking like this, get some food in her quick,or one of two things will happen. One: weird, out-of-context laughter. (changing the photo) Or two: spontaneously falling to sleep in strange places. But the most important facial expression of all?"
26704,91,5,3,"He changes the photo but it is not one of Robin, it's a building."
26705,91,5,3,Barney: That's a building.
26706,91,5,3,Ted: Oh... (chuckling) That's for my class. TheFlatironBuilding. Fun story about it. It was designed byChicago's Daniel Burnham in the beaux arts style; this architectural gem...
26707,91,5,3,Barney: Dude!
26708,91,5,3,Ted: Right. The most important facial expression of all.
26709,91,5,3,He changes for the right photo.
26710,91,5,3,Barney: Whoa...
26711,91,5,3,"Ted: Flared nostril ridges. Wide, unblinking eyes. If you ever, ever see this face, Barney, run. And don't take a picture of it. She will punch you. And you will cry... for the third time... that night. Which brings us to an important point: defusing the bomb."
26712,91,5,3,
26713,91,5,3,IN. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
26714,91,5,3,"Robin: ""Defusing the bomb""? What does that even mean?"
26715,91,5,3,"Lily: (reading) ""Three Topics To Distract Robin From Being Mad At You."""
26716,91,5,3,"Robin: ""Distract"" me? Oh, that is so condescending. These guys are really starting to piss me off!"
26717,91,5,3,"Lily: ""Immediately switch the conversation To one of the following, ""unless you want Robin to start throwing her shoes."""
26718,91,5,3,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26719,91,5,3,"Ted: One. ""Vancouver Canucks 2004 Division Title."""
26720,91,5,3,IN. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
26721,91,5,3,"Robin: What?! That's not distracting. That's just talking about the story of a scrappy little underdog team that prevailed despite very shaky goal ending and, frankly, the declining skills of Trevor Linden."
26722,91,5,3,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26723,91,5,3,"Ted: Two: ""Proper Gun Cleaning and Maintenance."""
26724,91,5,3,IN. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
26725,91,5,3,"Robin: You have to clean your gun. My uncle had a filthy old shotgun, blew both his thumbs off trying to shoot a beaver. You want to distract someone, make them watch my uncle try to eat corn on the cob."
26726,91,5,3,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26727,91,5,3,"Ted: Three: ""Emperor Penguins."""
26728,91,5,3,IN. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
26729,91,5,3,"Robin: Did you know that before intercourse, the male and female emperor penguins bow to each other? Mr. Penguin (bowing). Mrs. Penguin (boxing). Oh, God, silly penguins, acting all fancy. ( she laugs) What were we talking about?"
26730,91,5,3,"Marshall (looking out the window): Uh-oh. Looks like we got a taker. Oh, come on, dude. You know you want to A guy like you, beard, no mustache. You're exactly the kind of guy who could use a sweet barrel. Do it. (a dog pees on the barrel) No. No. That's not a fire hydrant! What..."
26731,91,5,3,"For shame, Sir. For shame! I bet you couldn't even grow a mustache if you wanted to."
26732,91,5,3,"Lily: Neither can you, sweetie."
26733,91,5,3,"Marshall: Well, he doesn't know that, baby! God!"
26734,91,5,3,Robin: Ted's only teaching Barney horrible things about me.
26735,91,5,3,Lily: I don't know. Check this out. This is actually kind of sweet.
26736,91,5,3,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26737,91,5,3,"Ted: Now, we all know Robin's not what you'd call ""touchy-feely."" She doesn't say, ""I love you,"" like a normal person. Instead, she'll laugh, shake her head, give you a little smile and say, ""You're an idiot."""
26738,91,5,3,"Barney: ""You're an idiot""?"
26739,91,5,3,"Ted: Yup. If she tells you you're an idiot, you're a lucky man. And if she does say ""I love you,"" she's already broken up with you in her mind."
26740,91,5,3,IN. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
26741,91,5,3,Lily: I think 's nice that Ted knows you that well.
26742,91,5,3,"Robin: Ah, well, too bad it's next to a page entitled..."
26743,91,5,3,In. TED'S CLASSROOM
26744,91,5,3,"Ted: ""Robin Scherbatsky's Surprising Erogenous Zones."" Right knee-- ticklish. Left knee..."
26745,91,5,3,**FLASHBACK 2006**
26746,91,5,3,IN. ROBIN AND TED'S ROOM
26747,91,5,3,They are in bed.
26748,91,5,3,Ted: Does lefty like that?
26749,91,5,3,She moans.
26750,91,5,3,**END OF FLASHBACK**
26751,91,5,3,"Ted: Oh, yeah...lefty like that."
26752,91,5,3,"Barney: I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby. That's like taking fashion advice from... well, Ted Mosby."
26753,91,5,3,IN. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
26754,91,5,3,"Lily: Oh, here's a good one. ""Top Five Things Never to Do Around Robin."""
26755,91,5,3,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26756,91,5,3,"Ted: Three: ""Never, ever play the 'Guess Who' game with her."""
26757,91,5,3,Barney: What do you mean?
26758,91,5,3,**FLASHBACK SPRING 2006**
26759,91,5,3,Ted: (arriving behind Robin and putting his hands over her eyes) Guess who?
26760,91,5,3,She screams and she makes him falling down.
26761,91,5,3,Ted: (afraid) It's me! It's me! It's me!
26762,91,5,3,**END OF FLASHBACK**
26763,91,5,3,"Ted: Number four: ""Unless you want to see it 80 times a day, for the next month, never show Robin a YouTube clip of an animal playing a musical instrument."""
26764,91,5,3,Barney is sleeping in his chair.
26765,91,5,3,Ted: Barney! Do you have a problem with this class?
26766,91,5,3,"Barney: Yeah, it's boring as hell and I'm not learning anything."
26767,91,5,3,"Ted: Uh, well, maybe the problem is your attitude. You're not listening to a word I say."
26768,91,5,3,"Barney: Uh-huh. Uh, can you hear this, Professor? (showing is thumb down) Or should I turn it up for you? (he turns it up)."
26769,91,5,3,"Ted (2030): It may not have been a thumbs-up, kids."
26770,91,5,3,"Ted: Oh, you think you're not learning anything, huh? Okay. Pop quiz."
26771,91,5,3,Barney: What...
26772,91,5,3,"Ted: When Robin's PMS-ing, what kind of chocolate should you get her?"
26773,91,5,3,Barney: Trick question. Get her butterscotch.
26774,91,5,3,Ted: Correct! Why?
26775,91,5,3,Barney: Butterscotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women.
26776,91,5,3,Ted: Correct! What is Robin's dream job?
26777,91,5,3,Barney: To become the most successful female TV journalist of all time.
26778,91,5,3,"Ted: Correct! And if she achieves that, will she truly be happy?"
26779,91,5,3,"Barney: No! Robin's deep-seated need for attention can traced back to her father's emotional distance, and no amount of success will ever make up for what she truly needs, which is six simple words from her Dad: ""Robin, I'm proud of you, eh?"""
26780,91,5,3,Ted: Yes! But I guess you're right. You haven't learned anything. Sorry to have wasted your time.
26781,91,5,3,He leaves.
26782,91,5,3,"Barney: ""Oh, Captain! My Captain!"""
26783,91,5,3,Ted turns.
26784,91,5,3,Ted: How good was Dead Poet's Society?
26785,91,5,3,"Barney: I know, right? The end? Tears."
26786,91,5,3,IN ROBIN'S APARTMENT
26787,91,5,3,"Robin: (closing the book) Okay, can I just say that my deepest need in life not to have my father to say, ""I am proud of you, eh?"""
26788,91,5,3,Marshall: So why are you crying now?
26789,91,5,3,Robin: I'm not crying.
26790,91,5,3,"Lily: (hugging her) Oh, sweetie. Can I get you some butterscotch?"
26791,91,5,3,"Robin: Oh, stop it."
26792,91,5,3,She sighs. And look again in the book.
26793,91,5,3,Robin: Wait a second. It says here that the class meets at 6:15 on Tuesday.
26794,91,5,3,Lily: So?
26795,91,5,3,Robin: That's right now.
26796,91,5,3,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26797,91,5,3,"Ted: Now, as you can see, well over 50% of the blankets have been dragged onto her side. Make no mistake. Robin Scherbatsky is a classic, textbook... cover hog. Any questions?"
26798,91,5,3,"Robin, Lily and Marshall come into the class."
26799,91,5,3,"Robin: Yeah, I have one."
26800,91,5,3,"Ted: Yes, Robin?"
26801,91,5,3,Ted and Barney both gasp.
26802,91,5,3,"Ted: (to barney) Flared nostril ridges. Wide, unblinking eyes. Uh-oh."
26803,91,5,3,"Barney: I got this. So, emperor penguins-- crazy, huh?"
26804,91,5,3,Robin: What the hell do you two think you're doing?
26805,91,5,3,"Barney: Marshall, did you sells out?"
26806,91,5,3,"Marshall: I was vulnerable, I said good-bye to a very dear friend today."
26807,91,5,3,"Robin: Dude, it's a barrel!"
26808,91,5,3,Ted: Aw! You're giving Mabel away?
26809,91,5,3,Robin: I have so many questions. Why would you do this? What were you thinking? Who the hell is that guy? (showing a guy in the classroom).
26810,91,5,3,"Ted: Oh, that's Shin-Ya. He's sort of been auditing the class."
26811,91,5,3,"Robin: ""Auditing""?"
26812,91,5,3,"Ted: Well, tried to explain to him it wasn't a real class, but I don't think he speaks much English."
26813,91,5,3,"Barney: On the bright side, he came in handy standing in for you during the role-playing exercises."
26814,91,5,3,Robin: Wait. You did role-playing exercises where I was played by Shin-Ya?
26815,91,5,3,"Shin-Ya: (speaking Chinese) They made me wear a wig, It was very demeaning."
26816,91,5,3,"Robin: You know, I can't believe you, Ted. You actually think you're some kind of an expert on me?"
26817,91,5,3,Barney: Hey! He is an expert. He's a great teacher!
26818,91,5,3,Lily: (sneezing): Kiss ass.
26819,91,5,3,"Robin: You know, half the stuff in this notebook is patently wrong."
26820,91,5,3,"Ted: Uh, really? Name one wrong thing."
26821,91,5,3,"Robin: ""Robin Scherbatsky's Surprising Erogenous Zones""? Let me clear something up for you, Ted."
26822,91,5,3,** FLASHBACK 2006**
26823,91,5,3,Ted: Does lefty like that?
26824,91,5,3,Robin:  (embarassed) Oh. Yeah...
26825,91,5,3,Ted: Don't wanna leave out the righty.
26826,91,5,3,"Robin: Oh, uh, no. Um, the right one's ticklish, I guess. But the left one, yeah, I'm glad you're back there. Because that is just some sweet, sweet lovin'."
26827,91,5,3,Ted: Noted.
26828,91,5,3,**END OF FLASHBACK**
26829,91,5,3,Ted: That was a lie?
26830,91,5,3,Robin: We had just started dating. I was being nice.
26831,91,5,3,Barney laughs
26832,91,5,3,"Robin: (to Barney) And you. You know, I got it into my head this week that you were cheating on me. I even broke open your briefcase to look for evidence."
26833,91,5,3,Barney: That is a huge violation of my privacy! Go on.
26834,91,5,3,"Robin: You know, in a way, I was right. You cheated. You can't get some crib sheet on dating me. That's not how it works. If we didn't figure out how to be with each other in a real, honest way, I don't see the point of even trying."
26835,91,5,3,She leaves.
26836,91,5,3,
26837,91,5,3,IN MC LAREN'S
26838,91,5,3,Robin is sitting alone when Ted is arriving.
26839,91,5,3,Robin: What do you want?
26840,91,5,3,Ted: Look. All that stuff I told Barney... It was personal between you and me. I'm really sorry.
26841,91,5,3,Robin: I guess I'm impressed by how much you remembered.
26842,91,5,3,"Ted: It's funny. When you date someone, it's like you're taking one long course in who that person is and then, when you break up, all that stuff becomes useless. It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree. I guess I just liked the idea of putting all my Robin Scherbatsky knowledge to good use, you know?"
26843,91,5,3,"Robin: Well, since you know me pretty well... am I fooling myself with this whole Barney thing?"
26844,91,5,3,"Ted: I don't know. I will say this, though. I've seen Barney work very hard to get women. I've seen him work very hard to get rid of women. I've never seen him work this hard to keep one around. I was going to give him an A. Well, B+ -- Shin-Ya kind of screwed up the curve."
26845,91,5,3,
26846,91,5,3,EXT. STREET DEHIND TED'S BUILDING
26847,91,5,3,"Barney is sitting on the stairs, Robin comes to him."
26848,91,5,3,"Barney: Hey. Before you say anything, I am done with this stupid Robin 101, okay? Here, I'll get rid of the notebook. (he throws it on the barrel) But there's... there's something that I did want to say to you. Robin, I have been with a lot of women, blondes, brunettes, redheads, big boobs, small"
26849,91,5,3,"boobs, medium boobs, some boobs that were big, but kind of in a bad way. The point is-- boobs that pointed in opposite direc--the point is...I'm really scared that you're going to dump me and that's why I did this and I'm sorry."
26850,91,5,3,Robin: You're an idiot.
26851,91,5,3,She kisses him.
26852,91,5,3,Robin: You know...
26853,91,5,3,Barney: Hmm?
26854,91,5,3,"Robin: That notebook, um, does contain a lot of personal info, and I think it has my home address."
26855,91,5,3,Barney: And your work address.
26856,91,5,3,They turn to take the notebook but it has disappeared.
26857,91,5,3,Barney: Whoa.
26858,91,5,3,"Marsahll: (upstais, lookin gout the window) Hey, guys! If you don't want the barrel, can you sit somewhere else? You're scaring away potential takers."
26859,91,5,3,
26860,91,5,3,IN. TED'S CLASSROOM
26861,91,5,3,"Ted: Designed byChicago's Daniel Burnham in the beaux arts style, this architectural gem was the first of its kind..."
26862,91,5,3,"Student: Uh, Professor Mosby?"
26863,91,5,3,"Ted: Yes, Susan?"
26864,91,5,3,Student: That's a woman drinking beer on the toilet.
26865,91,5,3,"It was a photo of Robin, not a building."
26866,92,5,4,Ted (2030): It was the Fall of 2009 and I was a professor now. So I decided to change my look a little bit. And people were noticing.
26867,92,5,4,
26868,92,5,4,IN. MC LAREN'S
26869,92,5,4,"Barney: Ah, tweed. Textile of the eunuch."
26870,92,5,4,"Marshall: You know, I've always wondered why those tweed jackets have elbow patches."
26871,92,5,4,"Barney: Because the people who wear them are constantly going, ""Aw, geez, why can't I get laid?"""
26872,92,5,4,Marshall laughs.
26873,92,5,4,Ted: You are wrong. The ladies dig the professor look.
26874,92,5,4,"Robin: You know, there is something to that. I remember thinking my tenth grade math teacher was very sexy. I wonder if Harold's still in jail. What? Tax evasion. Among other things."
26875,92,5,4,"Lily: So guys, Marshall and I wanted to invite you to our place for a little couples' night."
26876,92,5,4,"Robin: Uh, sure. Why not?"
26877,92,5,4,"Ted (2030): For years, Marshall and Lily had been the only married couple in a group full"
26878,92,5,4,"of single people. It got lonely, so they were always searching for another couple to double-date. There was only one problem."
26879,92,5,4,
26880,92,5,4,IN. LILY AND MARSHALL' S HOME
26881,92,5,4,"The doorbell rings, they open the door."
26882,92,5,4,Lily: Welcome.
26883,92,5,4,Marshall: (holding a tray)Gouda?
26884,92,5,4,Ted (2030): They sucked at it.
26885,92,5,4,"Lily and Marshall, sitting in the sofa, laughs while the other couple is bored."
26886,92,5,4,"Lily: This is great. We're having fun. You're having fun, right?"
26887,92,5,4,"Marshall: So, should we just go ahead and lock the four of us in for new year's?"
26888,92,5,4,"Guy: Um, it's April."
26889,92,5,4,Marshall: Right. Sorry. We're getting ahead of ourselves. Let's talk Thanksgiving.
26890,92,5,4,Lily: Our parents really want to meet you!
26891,92,5,4,"Another day, with another couple who is bored."
26892,92,5,4,"Guy: Well, we should probably be going."
26893,92,5,4,"Marshall: Wait. But, wait, if you leave now, Colonel mustard just gets away with it."
26894,92,5,4,Woman: It's getting pretty late. We're going to go.
26895,92,5,4,Lily: (blocking their way) There's still pie.
26896,92,5,4,"Another day, with another couple who is also bored."
26897,92,5,4,Marshall: Tonight was fantastic. We should do it again.
26898,92,5,4,"Man: I'm sorry, Marshall, but Falguni and I are just not that into you. And you."
26899,92,5,4,"Ted (2030): But just when Lily and Marshall were about to give up, two of their best friends in the world got together. And hope returned to their hearts."
26900,92,5,4,Lily: (flashback when she saw Robin and Barney kissing) Wohoo!
26901,92,5,4,Ted (2030): So when Lily said...
26902,92,5,4,Lily: Marshall and I wanted to invite you to our place for a little couples' night.
26903,92,5,4,"Robin: Um, sure, why not?"
26904,92,5,4,Ted (2030): Barney and Robin had no idea what they were about to walk into.
26905,92,5,4,Lily and Marshall are preparing the couples' night.
26906,92,5,4,Lily: Okay. Game time. Let's review the flow of the room. (moving in the room) Barney and Robin enter here. Stop here for margaritas. That's a great conversation starter. We can tell them about nour trip to Cabo.
26907,92,5,4,"Marshall: Great, 'cause I got that story about Sammy Hagar Anthe Belgian waffle locked and loaded."
26908,92,5,4,"Lily: Then we'll move on to the hot apps station. And, depending on how things are going, Some lively pre-dinner charades."
26909,92,5,4,"Marshall: Right, but, uh, we'll play that one by... (showing his ears)"
26910,92,5,4,Lily: Sounds like?
26911,92,5,4,"Marshall: Okay, you can be Robin's partner."
26912,92,5,4,The doorbell rings.
26913,92,5,4,"Lily: Oh... Baby, we can do this."
26914,92,5,4,They open the door.
26915,92,5,4,Lily: Welcome.
26916,92,5,4,Marshall: Gouda?
26917,92,5,4,
26918,92,5,4,"Ted (2030): Meanwhile, my half-baked theory that ladies dig the professor look was actually proving to be true."
26919,92,5,4,IN. MC LAREN'S
26920,92,5,4,Girl: So is it hard to grade papers?
26921,92,5,4,"Ted: No, you've just got to make it fun. For example, uh, every time I spot a grammatical error, I do a shot. I'm trashed right now, and I blame our public school system."
26922,92,5,4,Ted (2030): Sometimes things just seem to magically fall into place.
26923,92,5,4,"Girl: So, you said you live right upstairs..."
26924,92,5,4,Ted (2030): Whether it's in the dating world...
26925,92,5,4,
26926,92,5,4,IN. LILY AND MARSHALL' S HOME
26927,92,5,4,Lily: Take care. Bye.
26928,92,5,4,Robin and Barney leave.
26929,92,5,4,Ted (2030): Or the double-dating world.
26930,92,5,4,Lily: Nailed it!
26931,92,5,4,Marshall: Best night ever!
26932,92,5,4,Barney: (in the corridor) Worst night ever.
26933,92,5,4,Robin imitates a gunshot.
26934,92,5,4,***GENERIC
26935,92,5,4,IN. TED' S APARTMENT
26936,92,5,4,"Ted: Hey, how was the big couples' night with Marshall and Lily?"
26937,92,5,4,Robin: Brutal.
26938,92,5,4,Ted: Really? How?
26939,92,5,4,"Barney: It was like we were on a date with a sad, chubby girl our mom made us call."
26940,92,5,4,"Robin: And they were so nervous, that they weren't even making sense half of the time."
26941,92,5,4,IN. MARSHALL AND LILY'S HOME
26942,92,5,4,Robin and Barney just arrived for the couples' night.
26943,92,5,4,Lily: Hey. Come on in. Would you like a margarita?
26944,92,5,4,"Marshall: In Cabo, I saw Sammy Hagar eating a Belgian waffle!"
26945,92,5,4,IN. TED'S APARTMENT
26946,92,5,4,Barney: And they kept shoving platters of food in our faces.
26947,92,5,4,"Ted: Let me guess: Did Marshall get, like, super intense about the cheese?"
26948,92,5,4,"Robin: Yeah, how'd you know?"
26949,92,5,4,"Ted: Poor Marshall., Lily's this gourmet cook, and all she letsMarshall do ss pick out one sad block of cheese."
26950,92,5,4,IN. LILY AND MARSHALL'S HOME
26951,92,5,4,Lily: That's prosciutto-wrapped melon.
26952,92,5,4,Marshall: You guys are going to want to get in on thisgouda.
26953,92,5,4,Lily: That's seared scallops with a mango chutney.
26954,92,5,4,"Marshall: Seriously, don't sleep on thegouda."
26955,92,5,4,Lily: And that's Lobster ravioli in a black truffle oil.
26956,92,5,4,Marshall: Ooh...Tick-tock goes thegouda clock.
26957,92,5,4,"Barney: Um, we-we-we didn't realize there was gonna be dinner. We sucked down a couple tacos outside the subway."
26958,92,5,4,"Robin: P.S., not sitting great."
26959,92,5,4,IN. TED'S APARTMENT
26960,92,5,4,"Barney: And if anything didn't go according to plan, they would freak out."
26961,92,5,4,IN. LILY AND MARSHALL'S HOME
26962,92,5,4,Marshall is trying to run the egg timer.
26963,92,5,4,"Lily: What do you mean, the egg timer is broken? What are we going to use for charades, sweetie?"
26964,92,5,4,"Marshall: I'm working on it, darling. Okay? Just stall them."
26965,92,5,4,"Lily: Now, Robin... You work in television. We're experiencing some technical difficulties. ( she laughs): You get that? We're still laughing. Right? Laugh,Marshall."
26966,92,5,4,Lily and Marshall laugh.
26967,92,5,4,IN. TED'S APARTMENT
26968,92,5,4,"Ted: Come on, they just got excited. They've been looking for couple best friends forever. Plus, I'm sure they weren't that bad."
26969,92,5,4,Robin: Show him.
26970,92,5,4,Barney: This is a web siteMarshall already made about last night. (he takes a computer) It's called itwasthebestnightever.com.
26971,92,5,4,**MARSHALL'S VIDEO**
26972,92,5,4,Marshall sings while scrolling pictures of that evening.
26973,92,5,4,"Marshall (voice): It was the best night ever laughter raining down like April showers oh, we talked for hours... best night ever..."
26974,92,5,4,"Ted: oh, that's not good."
26975,92,5,4,"Marshall (always singing in the video): Then we played charades. Lily made some creme brulee, lay-lay-lay-lay and now that we're best couple friends there's only one thing left to say... are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free next Saturday? That's the 17th.are you free? Friday or Sunday would also work. Or basically any other day."
26976,92,5,4,**END**
26977,92,5,4,"Barney: Needless to say, we've both changed our e-mail addresses."
26978,92,5,4,"Ted: I don't understand. If last night went so horribly, why do Lily and Marshall think it was such a hit?"
26979,92,5,4,IN. LILY AND MARSHALL'S APARTMENT
26980,92,5,4,"This is the end of the evening, Barney and Robin are about to leave."
26981,92,5,4,"Barney: I mean, we knew we were gonna have fun tonight, but we had no idea how much."
26982,92,5,4,Marshall: Oh.
26983,92,5,4,"Robin: Yeah, tough luck, every Saturday night I've ever had, 'cause this one just blew you out of the water."
26984,92,5,4,"Barney: Let's do it again, soon."
26985,92,5,4,"Robin: Yeah, we'll call you."
26986,92,5,4,IN. TED'S APARTMENT
26987,92,5,4,Ted: They're your friends! Why would you just blatantly lie to them like that?
26988,92,5,4,"Robin: Well, that's what you say at the end of a crappy date."
26989,92,5,4,A girl go out from Ted's bathroom.
26990,92,5,4,"Girl: Hey, Ted. Great time last night. Well, let's do it again, soon. I'll...uh, call you."
26991,92,5,4,She goes out of the apartment.
26992,92,5,4,Ted: Right?
26993,92,5,4,Robin: Who was that?
26994,92,5,4,"Ted: Oh, I don't want to brag, But it seems chicks are really digging the whole professor thing. Last night, she picked me up at the bar. And then... Well, she actually wound up falling asleep on the couch. But, hey, that happens."
26995,92,5,4,"Barney: Uh, no, it doesn't."
26996,92,5,4,"Ted: Sure, it does. You know, she was, she was just exhausted from being turned on. But you heard her. She wants to do it again, soon."
26997,92,5,4,"Barney: Ted, let me ask you a question. Where does this girl live, exactly?"
26998,92,5,4,Ted: Westchester. Why?
26999,92,5,4,Barney: (he laughs) You're the sexless innkeeper.
27000,92,5,4,"Robin: Oh, my god! You're right! He's totally the sexless innkeeper!"
27001,92,5,4,"Ted: What the hell is ""the sexless innkeeper""?"
27002,92,5,4,"Barney: Ted, many a man--nay, many a soul--has their own tale of the sexless innkeeper. Why, I had run-in with one just last year. I even composed a poem about it. Would you care to hear it?"
27003,92,5,4,Ted: Not really.
27004,92,5,4,"Barney: T'was the night before new year's, and the weather grew mean. It was 3:00 in the morning, And I was stranded in queens. (2008, the whole story of Barney is illustrated with images) The tavern grew empty, the gas lights grew dim. The horse-drawn carriages were all but snowed in..."
27005,92,5,4,"Ted: Wait. If this was last year, why are you acting like it was Oliver Twist?"
27006,92,5,4,"Barney: Ted, it's a poem. Last call was approaching, and my fortunes looked bleak. Then I turned to my left and stifled a shriek. She had a peach fuzz beard and weighed 16 stone. She gobbled up hot wings and swallowed the bones. I muffled a scream and threw up in my mouth.I asked, ""where do you live?""And she said, ""one block south."". I swallowed my pride and six shots of whiskey. And prayed to the gods that she wasn't too frisky. Back in her cave, she prepared us a snack. 'neath her mighty hooves, the floorboards did crack. But when she returned, she found a sound sleeper. And thus she became the sexless innkeeper. And so are you"
27007,92,5,4,"Ted: Wait, you're saying that girl just used me for a place to crash?"
27008,92,5,4,"Barney: Ted, you mentioned that you live right upstairs. She saw the tweed jacket"
27009,92,5,4,"which basically says you're not interested in, nor probably even capable of, having s*x. And she thought, ""hey, free lodging."""
27010,92,5,4,Ted: No way.
27011,92,5,4,"Barney: I'm not the sexless innkeeper. Ted, that girl had no intention of ever hooking up with you."
27012,92,5,4,"Robin: Which is funny, because usually it's the innkeeper who offers turndown service. Oh!"
27013,92,5,4,Robin and Barney laugh and clap their hands.
27014,92,5,4,
27015,92,5,4,
27016,92,5,4,IN. MC LAREN'S
27017,92,5,4,"Lily: Hey, guys. Good news. First of all, you can ignore all the e-mails and texts we've sent you."
27018,92,5,4,Robin: We have. Go on.
27019,92,5,4,Lily: Because we went ahead and booked that couples' weekend for all of us inVermont!
27020,92,5,4,"Robin: Wait, you guys were serious about that?"
27021,92,5,4,"Marshall: Oh, we never joke about b&b's, especially at the height of syrup season."
27022,92,5,4,"Lily: Check it out. Saturday we've got apple-picking, antiquing, then a hated hay ride."
27023,92,5,4,"Marshall: And then on Sunday, we're up at 6:00 a.m. for the fall foliage hike. Now, you better pack your long johns, 'cause it is cold up there."
27024,92,5,4,"Barney: Look! I'm sorry that we have been dodging your calls, but we respect you guys too much as friends to give you some song and dance. You deserve the truth. (he sighs) The US Navy has found intelligent alien life at the bottom of the ocean. For reasons I can't explain, Robin and I have been tapped to lead the expedition."
27025,92,5,4,"Lily: Wow, Barney. That kind of sounds like the stuff you say to girls when you're too much of a coward to dump them."
27026,92,5,4,"Marshall: Yeah. You know, that's exactly what it sounds like. But if that's true, that's awesome."
27027,92,5,4,Lily: What's going on?
27028,92,5,4,"Robin: Look, all the couple-y stuff, it's just not us. Barney and I are barely equipped to date each other, let alone you guys."
27029,92,5,4,"Barney: Plus, the alien thing."
27030,92,5,4,"Lily: Come on,Marshall."
27031,92,5,4,Marshall: Let's go.
27032,92,5,4,Robin: No...Lily...
27033,92,5,4,Marshall: You know what? I hope those underwater aliens are cold-blooded. 'cause then you guys will get along just fine.
27034,92,5,4,Lily and Marshall leave.
27035,92,5,4,Barney: I think they bought it.
27036,92,5,4,
27037,92,5,4,IN. LILY AND MARSHALL'S APARTMENT
27038,92,5,4,"They are both on the couch with a blanket, eating ice."
27039,92,5,4,Marshall: I can't believe they broke up with us.
27040,92,5,4,Lily: We're so lovable.
27041,92,5,4,"Marshall: No, we're not. We're ugly and gross."
27042,92,5,4,Lily: I thought we did everything right.
27043,92,5,4,Marshall: I know! I know. We had thegouda. We had my waffle story. I even sent them a awesome photo montage. Nothing.
27044,92,5,4,"Lily: Oh, dear god.Marshall, we've been over and over this. You have to stop sending those to people."
27045,92,5,4,"Ted (2030): It was true.Marshall had become addicted to creating songs and photo montages documenting various mundane events. So for months, all of Marshall's friends and professional colleagues were getting e-mails like this..."
27046,92,5,4,IN. TED'S APARTMENT
27047,92,5,4,Ted is watching videos in his computer. Every song in the videos is singing by Marshall and illustrated by photos of the event.
27048,92,5,4,"Marshall (singing on the video): ordered Chinese food today some moo shu pork sauce got away flipped the cushion, now everything's okay."
27049,92,5,4,Another video.
27050,92,5,4,"Marshall: Cat-sitting for Lily's mom, cat-sitting for Lily's mom, it's gonna be fun, it's gonna bring us all closer together. (in the video,Marshall let the cats going out by the window)"
27051,92,5,4,Another video.
27052,92,5,4,"Marshall: Cat funeral, cat funeral, it was an accident and not entirely my fault, cat funeral, meow, meow, meow, meow, ca funeral, meow, meow, meow, meow. We'll miss you, whiskers, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow..."
27053,92,5,4,IN. LILY AND MARSHALL'S HOME
27054,92,5,4,Lily: I can't believe you sent them one of those. They think we're insane now.
27055,92,5,4,"Marshall: If I recall, they didn't dump us until you brought up thatVermont trip. It was way too early. First, a boat ride around the city, then a trip toVermont. It's a rookie mistake, and you're better than that."
27056,92,5,4,"Lily: Oh, what about you forgetting to check the egg timer for charades? I gave you one thing to do,Marshall. One thing."
27057,92,5,4,"Marshall: One thing? (Lily nods) One thing? Wow. Really? So, I guess that gouda Just walked itself right through the door...Sliced itself up, and arranged itself in a perfect semi-circle around not three, not four... But five different kinds of sturdy, cheese-bearing crackers?"
27058,92,5,4,"Lily: You're a sturdy, cheese-bearing cracker!"
27059,92,5,4,
27060,92,5,4,IN. MC LAREN'S
27061,92,5,4,"Ted: Guys, Lily and Marshall haven't been to the bar all week. They're taking this really hard."
27062,92,5,4,"Barney: Ted, I could listen to this guilt trip all day, But don't you have to get back up to the inn? I mean, who's working the front desk?"
27063,92,5,4,"Ted: Seriously, they're your friends. You got to go apologize."
27064,92,5,4,"Barney: To your point, Ted, as an innkeeper. Do you do that cheapy thing where you only change the linens upon request? I mean, I mean, I mean, how much water is that actually saving?"
27065,92,5,4,"Ted: Robin, you know I'm right. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. Usually, it just makes it bigger."
27066,92,5,4,Robin: You're right.
27067,92,5,4,Ted: Thank you.
27068,92,5,4,Robin: All that sexlessness has made you wise.
27069,92,5,4,Ted: For god's sake!
27070,92,5,4,He leaves.
27071,92,5,4,"Barney: Mint on the pillow, Ted! And don't charge for wi-fi. It seems greedy! It does."
27072,92,5,4,Barney and Robin laugh.
27073,92,5,4,
27074,92,5,4,"Ted (2030): But eventually, even Barney and Robin had to admit they owed Lily and Marshall an apology."
27075,92,5,4,IN. LILY AND MARSHALL'S HOME
27076,92,5,4,Lily opens the door.
27077,92,5,4,Robin: Hey. We wanted to say we're sorry.
27078,92,5,4,Lily: Oh. I wish you had called.
27079,92,5,4,"Marshall: (to a couple, inside the apartment) I swear, he was right there just eating a Belgian waffle!"
27080,92,5,4,They laugh.
27081,92,5,4,"Guy: Well, he can't have enjoyed it as much as I'm enjoying thisgouda!"
27082,92,5,4,Marshall: Oh!
27083,92,5,4,"Lily: Um, listen, now's not a good time. We'll call you."
27084,92,5,4,Robin: Wait. We just want...
27085,92,5,4,But Lily closes the door.
27086,92,5,4,
27087,92,5,4,IN. MC LAREN'S
27088,92,5,4,"Marshall: Hey! Hey, guys."
27089,92,5,4,Barney: Hey. Long time no see. Have a seat.
27090,92,5,4,"Lily: Oh, we can't. We're here with Py and Shea."
27091,92,5,4,"Marshall: Yeah, sorry."
27092,92,5,4,"Robin: Oh, it's just... We haven't seen you guys all week."
27093,92,5,4,"Barney: Hey, maybe all six of us could hang out."
27094,92,5,4,Robin: Yeah.
27095,92,5,4,"Lily: Oh, it might be weird. We're kind of on a double date. Wouldn't want you to feel like a fifth and sixth wheel."
27096,92,5,4,Barney: Who the hell are these people?
27097,92,5,4,Lily: They just moved here fromHawaii. Py is a total foodie
27098,92,5,4,Marshall: Mmm!
27099,92,5,4,"Lily: And Shea, well... She's..."
27100,92,5,4,Marshall: Shea...Shea is just...
27101,92,5,4,They both laugh and sigh contentedly.
27102,92,5,4,"Lily: Anyhoo, we can't stay long. We're just gonna grab a quick beer and then take these kooks for a boat ride around the city."
27103,92,5,4,"Robin: Wow, it sounds like this is getting pretty serious."
27104,92,5,4,"Marshall: Well, we don't want to jinx it, but, uh... We kind of think they might be the two. (he touches the table) Ooh."
27105,92,5,4,"They both join their friends, letting Robin and Barney alone."
27106,92,5,4,"Robin: Pfft, who needs 'em?"
27107,92,5,4,Barney: Pfft. Not us.
27108,92,5,4,They hear laughter and then show a sad face.
27109,92,5,4,
27110,92,5,4,OUT. STREET
27111,92,5,4,Barney and Robin are walking sadly in the street. We can hear a song:
27112,92,5,4,"* Livin' alone, we think of all the friends we've known but when we dial the telephone, nobody's home *"
27113,92,5,4,They enter in a restaurant.
27114,92,5,4,Robin: Hi. Two for dinner.
27115,92,5,4,Woman: Just the two of you?
27116,92,5,4,IN. ROBIN'S APARTMENT
27117,92,5,4,"They go home, and eat ice cream sadly on the sofa."
27118,92,5,4,"* All by ourselves, don't want to be all by ourselves anymore, all by ourselves... *"
27119,92,5,4,"Barney: Hey, why don't we call that weird couple down the hall from you? You know, with the ferrets? Maybe they want to come over and play taboo."
27120,92,5,4,"Robin: After midnight? No way. We can't tabooty-call them, it's pathetic."
27121,92,5,4,Ted comes in the apartment
27122,92,5,4,"Ted: Hey, guys."
27123,92,5,4,They groan.
27124,92,5,4,"Ted: Barney, are you wearing sweat pants?"
27125,92,5,4,Barney: Maybe. But they're Armani.
27126,92,5,4,"Ted: Okay, guys, I've got some bad news for you. So I'm just going to come out and say it. You're a couple. And no matter how hard you try to fight it, couples need other couples. That's why you miss Marshall and Lily. And can't you just admit that?"
27127,92,5,4,
27128,92,5,4,IN. MARSHALL AND LILY'S HOME
27129,92,5,4,"Marshall, Lily and their two friends are playing Twister."
27130,92,5,4,"Marshall: Oh, yeah!"
27131,92,5,4,"Girl: That was amazing, Lily!"
27132,92,5,4,"Lily: I know! When I got that left-hand- yellow, I was like, ""what?!"""
27133,92,5,4,Guy: You guys are the best.
27134,92,5,4,"Marshall: Oh, right back at you!"
27135,92,5,4,"Someone knock at the door. Lily opens and there is just an egg timer. It dings. Lily and Marshall goes in the hall and find another egg timer. It dings. They continue until the building door. They open it and, outside, under the rain, there are Robin and Marshall who carry another egg timer."
27136,92,5,4,Robin and Barney: Ding.
27137,92,5,4,Marshall and Lily join them.
27138,92,5,4,Robin: For charades.
27139,92,5,4,Lily: How do we know you two won't hurt us again?
27140,92,5,4,Robin: You don't.
27141,92,5,4,Marshall: You know what? We have two very nice people up in that apartment Who are perfect for us.
27142,92,5,4,"Barney: Then what are you doing, standing out in the rain with us?"
27143,92,5,4,Lily: Damn it. Why is there something so attractive about a bad boy... And girl?
27144,92,5,4,Marshall: I think we can change them.
27145,92,5,4,"Lily: Come here, you two."
27146,92,5,4,They sob.
27147,92,5,4,Barney: We'll never sleep on thegouda again.
27148,92,5,4,* all by ourselves... *
27149,92,5,4,
27150,92,5,4,IN. TED'S APARTMENT
27151,92,5,4,"Ted: Hey, Barney. I got a little poem for you. You want to hear it?"
27152,92,5,4,"Barney: No, not really."
27153,92,5,4,"Ted: 'twas the night before, I had hours to kill. (the whole story is illustrated with images) I sat in the tavern, grading parchments with quill."
27154,92,5,4,Barney: With quill?
27155,92,5,4,"Ted: Barney. It's a poem. A busty, young lassie flashed me a grin. Her garb said ""classy,"" but her eyes whispered ""sin."" She said, ""you're a teacher?"" I said, ""yes, indeed."" ""I must have you,"" she moaned.""I'm turned on by tweed."" With haste we did scamper to my chamber anon. We fell to the couch, and, bro, it was on. I unlaced her bodice. Our passions grew deeper. And thus ends the tale of the sexless innkeeper."
27156,92,5,4,Barney: No way. You made that up.
27157,92,5,4,A girl appears from Ted's room.
27158,92,5,4,"Girl: Are you coming back bed, professor?"
27159,92,5,4,Barney: Whew!
27160,92,5,4,"Ted: God, I love being single."
27161,92,5,4,Robin appears from her room.
27162,92,5,4,"Robin: Barney, you ready for brunch with Lily and Marshall?"
27163,93,5,5,Ted's apartment...
27164,93,5,5,"Ted (2030): Kids, as you know, Aunt Robin grew up in Canada. That meant sometimes she dressed à little differently."
27165,93,5,5,"Robin: Okay, let's do this!"
27166,93,5,5,In McLaren's...
27167,93,5,5,Ted (2030): Sometimes she talked a little differently.
27168,93,5,5,"Robin: Ted, this hydro bill is bigger than Louis Cyr's biceps. What, you leave the garburator on all night, eh?"
27169,93,5,5,In another bar...
27170,93,5,5,Ted (2030): She hung out at different bars and enjoyed leisure time a little differently.
27171,93,5,5,"Robin,"
27172,93,5,5,fighting: You want to go? You want to go?! Come on! (In McLaren's...) Make fun of the Great White North all you want. It's the best country in the world.
27173,93,5,5,"Barney: The... mmm. Social experiment. (Chanting) U.S.A, U.S.A, U.S.A, U.S.A..."
27174,93,5,5,"Robin: Okay, okay. You know what, what does that even prove, okay? You chant anything, people we join in. (Chanting) Canada, Canada, Canada, Cana... Okay, they won't chant anything."
27175,93,5,5,"Barney, singing: Shrimp fried rice..."
27176,93,5,5,"All singing: Shrimp fried rice, shrimp fried rice..."
27177,93,5,5,"Ted, joining them: Shrimp fried rice totally. Anyway, speaking of food, Marshall, I've got so bad news. Just read online, Gazzola's is closing."
27178,93,5,5,Marshall: No!
27179,93,5,5,Robin: What Gazzola's?
27180,93,5,5,"Ted: A filthy mecca of spectacular if undercooked pizza located at 316 Kinzie Street, Chicago, Illinois."
27181,93,5,5,"Marshall: Back in college, Ted and I used to take these crazy road trips from Connecticut all the way to Chicago just for Gazzola's pizza."
27182,93,5,5,"Ted: 22 hours. No map. We'd just jump in the Fiero and drive. We were like Lewis and Clark, if Lewis and Clark peed in empty soda bottles and had a bong made out of a cantaloupe."
27183,93,5,5,"Marshall: Man, those Gazzola trips, that's... that's when we really became bros."
27184,93,5,5,Ted: Mm. We ate nothing but jerky.
27185,93,5,5,Marshall: Drank nothing but Tantrum.
27186,93,5,5,"Ted (2030): Ah, Tantrum. Tantrum was a soft drink with the highest caffeine content legally available over the counter. It was eventually discontinued after an extensive study by the FDA."
27187,93,5,5,"Marshall: Oh, man, we went through a whole case of Tantrum one trip."
27188,93,5,5,Ted: I was color blind for two weeks after that.
27189,93,5,5,Marshall: I think that's the reason that I pass out when I hear church bells.
27190,93,5,5,"Ted: It's probably a good thing they're closing Gazzola's. Those trips were brutal, right? The long hours in the car, the motion sickness, the smell."
27191,93,5,5,Marshall: So what time are we leaving for Gazzola's tomorrow?
27192,93,5,5,"Ted: I was thinking 9:00, 9:30."
27193,93,5,5,CREDITS
27194,93,5,5,Ted's apartment...
27195,93,5,5,"Ted: I am ready to hit the road. I got baby wipes. I got a variety of jerky. I got six cans of Tantrum. Well, four. One burned though the can, the other one I drank already. (He tears a pillow) Tantrum! I am so psyched! Marshall and I haven't done something, just the two of us, for so long. Ever since he got married, he's turned from an ""I"" to a ""We""."
27196,93,5,5,Barney: What do you mean?
27197,93,5,5,Ted: Think about it.
27198,93,5,5,Ted is thinking of the scene.
27199,93,5,5,"Ted: Hey, haven't seen you all week. How you doing?"
27200,93,5,5,"Marshall, in bar with Lily: We're doing great."
27201,93,5,5,Ted: Do you watch the Jets game?
27202,93,5,5,Marshall: We most certainly did.
27203,93,5,5,Ted: How'd things go at the doctor?
27204,93,5,5,Marshall: We no longer have a hemorrhoid problem.
27205,93,5,5,Barney: Hmm.
27206,93,5,5,Robin: You guys will not believe this. I've been talking to my lawyer all morning. You know that guy I have a slight disagreement with at the Hoser Hut? He's filing assault charges.
27207,93,5,5,Flash-back
27208,93,5,5,Robin is in a bar where she fights.
27209,93,5,5,Robin: Come on!
27210,93,5,5,End of flash-back
27211,93,5,5,"Robin: I broke his nose with a chair. And now, apparently, I may end up getting deported."
27212,93,5,5,"Ted: Oh, my God, that sucks! Yeah. I'm gonna go do push-ups in the kitchen. Tantrum!"
27213,93,5,5,"Robin: Well, there's only one possible way to avoid getting deported. My lawyer said I could become an American citizen."
27214,93,5,5,Barney: Perfect. Problem solved. Welcome aboard.
27215,93,5,5,"Robin: Well, it's not that simple. I'm a Canadian. I was born there. My family's there. It's who I am."
27216,93,5,5,"Barney: I know, and it's provided us with a lot of laughs. But, Robin, if you want to live here, work here and throw chairs at people here, you have to do this."
27217,93,5,5,"Robin: Well, there's a citizenship test tomorrow."
27218,93,5,5,Barney: A cit...
27219,93,5,5,Robin: I'll think about it.
27220,93,5,5,"Barney: No, no, you have to do it. I'll help you study. We're gonna stay up all night long. I'm gonna drill you, and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna do some cramming and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna bone up on..."
27221,93,5,5,"Robin: Okay, Barney."
27222,93,5,5,Barney: Sorry. It's a rich area.
27223,93,5,5,Robin: It is.
27224,93,5,5,"Barney: But you know, it's not going to be easy, this test. It's not like the Canadian citizenship test."
27225,93,5,5,Robin: How do you know the Canadian test is easy?
27226,93,5,5,Barney: It's Canada. Question one: Do you want to be Canadian? Question two: really?
27227,93,5,5,"Marshall, entering with ""a hat with drink"": Ted! Ted! Check it out! I got black coffee on the left, I got Tantrum on the right! Do you have a phone book?!"
27228,93,5,5,"Ted: Yes, I do! I don't why they make phone books anymore. Everything's online, right?"
27229,93,5,5,Marshall tears the phone book.
27230,93,5,5,Marshall: Tantrum!
27231,93,5,5,Ted: Tantrum!
27232,93,5,5,Lily enters in the apartment.
27233,93,5,5,"Lily: All right, let's hit the road."
27234,93,5,5,Ted: You invited Lily?
27235,93,5,5,Marshall: We most certainly did!
27236,93,5,5,Marshall and Lily leave.
27237,93,5,5,"Barney: I don't know if you caught that, but he did the ""we"" thing."
27238,93,5,5,"Ted: Yeah, I heard him."
27239,93,5,5,Barney: Okay.
27240,93,5,5,"Lily, Marshall and Ted are in the car."
27241,93,5,5,Lily: Road trip! So you guys want to talk about bitches? I'm kidding. They're called women.
27242,93,5,5,"Ted: All right, next stop: Chicago."
27243,93,5,5,Lily: I have to pee.
27244,93,5,5,Ted: Couldn't you have gone before we left?
27245,93,5,5,Lily: I did. I just pee a lot. You'll see.
27246,93,5,5,She goes out of the car.
27247,93,5,5,"Marshall: Don't worry, we'll get out on the road, it'll be just like old times."
27248,93,5,5,Ted (2030): It wasn't.
27249,93,5,5,Flash-back
27250,93,5,5,In 1999... Marshall and Ted were singing in the car. *I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more...*
27251,93,5,5,End of flash-back
27252,93,5,5,"Lily: Sugar snap pea? Pea... That reminds me, I have to pee."
27253,93,5,5,Flash-back
27254,93,5,5,"In 1999... In the car, Ted hides the visibility to Marshall."
27255,93,5,5,"Ted: Okay, straight, straight, straight. Now, wait, a little to the left. We'll pass a state trooper."
27256,93,5,5,End of flash-back
27257,93,5,5,Ted is sleeping in the car.
27258,93,5,5,"Lily, fighting Ted: Ooh, punch buggy yellow!"
27259,93,5,5,Ted: Ow!
27260,93,5,5,"Lily: Yellow, that reminds me, I have to pee."
27261,93,5,5,Flash-back
27262,93,5,5,In 1999...
27263,93,5,5,Ted: Thank you!
27264,93,5,5,End of flash-back
27265,93,5,5,"Lily: Great. Oh, hey, Ted..."
27266,93,5,5,Ted: You can't have to go again. It's not humanly possible.
27267,93,5,5,"Lily: No, I was just going to say maybe we should listen to something."
27268,93,5,5,"Ted: Oh, that's a great idea. I think I have some Jerky Boys."
27269,93,5,5,"Marshall: Goodbye, Sparky."
27270,93,5,5,Lily: It's an audio book about a boy and his dog. It made Elisabeth Hasselbeck cry.
27271,93,5,5,"Voice: Goodbye Sparky, by Nick Leotti. Read to you by Kenny Rogers."
27272,93,5,5,Marshall: Oh!
27273,93,5,5,"Kenny: Chapter one: When I first saw Sparky, he reminded me of my favorite comb; he was missing a lot of teeth, but I loved him anyway. Mother was fit to be tied every time he used her prized rhododendron to do his business."
27274,93,5,5,"Lily: That reminds me, I have to pee."
27275,93,5,5,In the apartment...
27276,93,5,5,"Barney: ""How many stars are on the flag?"""
27277,93,5,5,"Robin: 50, one for each state."
27278,93,5,5,"Barney: ""What are the first ten amendments to the Constitution called?"""
27279,93,5,5,"Robin: The Bill of Rights. Look, Barney, I know all this. I'm ready."
27280,93,5,5,"Barney: Ready for the test maybe, but ready to be an American? Not on your sweet life. For you to be an American, we got to get the Canadian out of you. That's why I've created these questions. Question one: ""Who is this?"""
27281,93,5,5,Robin: Queen Elizabeth II.
27282,93,5,5,"Barney: No, the answer is Elton John. Question two: ""What the hell is this?"""
27283,93,5,5,"Robin: Oh, curling. Um, it's a sport played..."
27284,93,5,5,"Barney: Wrong. The answer we were looking for was ""I don't care, it's dumb"". Let's go buy something that's bad for us and then sue the people who made it. That's America, Robin."
27285,93,5,5,In the car...
27286,93,5,5,"Kenny:...because Sparky loved chasing a ball, and it didn't much matter what kind. Tennis ball, baseball, Wiffle ball, golf ball, basketball, beach ball, gum ball, a grapefruit- which isn't actually a ball, but's round like a ball- a football- which isn't round, but it's still technically a ball- Indian rubber ball..."
27287,93,5,5,Voice: This ends disk seven. The audio book continues on disk eight. (Ted removes the disk and puts back the other one) Disk eight.
27288,93,5,5,"Kenny: Lacrosse ball, volleyball..."
27289,93,5,5,"Ted: Oh, my God, Lily, please tell me you have to go pee!"
27290,93,5,5,"Lily: Ah, I do."
27291,93,5,5,"Ted (2030): It was the worst trip ever, but then it got worse."
27292,93,5,5,"Marshall: Well, don't worry, the next exit's the hotel. We can go there."
27293,93,5,5,Ted: Hotel?
27294,93,5,5,"Ted, Marshall and Lily arrive in the hotel."
27295,93,5,5,"Woman: Crumpet Manor is listed in the American Registry of Historic Bed and Breakfasts. Our door is opened on Christmas day, 1881. And we have catered to couples ever since."
27296,93,5,5,"Marshall: Well, I mean, single people can have fun here, too, right?"
27297,93,5,5,"Woman: Oh, I suppose I could arrange a little recreation. Do you enjoy sitting on a bench?"
27298,93,5,5,In the apartment...
27299,93,5,5,"Ted (2030): And by the end of the night, Barney had turned Robin into a real American."
27300,93,5,5,Robin: I want to say- Jefferson?
27301,93,5,5,Barney: Correct.
27302,93,5,5,Robin: Oh!
27303,93,5,5,Barney: Archie Bunker's neighbor was George Jefferson.
27304,93,5,5,"Robin: Oh, boo-ya! I am nailing this. God, I'm buzzing on America right now!"
27305,93,5,5,"Barney: All right, hold your horses. Now to prove that you are as American as apple pie and the childhood obesity it leads to- who is this?"
27306,93,5,5,"Robin: That, Barney, is the American actor, beloved by millions, the ""Hey, Vern"" guy from the popular series of Ernest films. And his name... Jeff Foxworthy."
27307,93,5,5,"Barney: Jeff Foxworthy? No, it's Jim Varney. You're kidding me. You don't know that?"
27308,93,5,5,"Robin: Uh, that's Jeff Foxworthy, dumbass. End of story. Now shut your stupid face."
27309,93,5,5,"Barney: Not only are you wrong, but you are belligerently sticking to your guns and insulting me in the process. Robin Scherbatsky- you are an American."
27310,93,5,5,
27311,93,5,5,In the hotel...
27312,93,5,5,Woman: Look who's back from the wishing well.
27313,93,5,5,"Ted: It didn't work, I'm still here. Marshall, what are we doing? We should be on the road."
27314,93,5,5,"Marshall: Ok, Ted, we're not in college anymore, okay? We don't have to drive all night."
27315,93,5,5,"Lily: Besides, they have a spa. What kind of treatments do you offer?"
27316,93,5,5,"Woman: All our spa treatments are designed for couples. Would you be interested in the two person, cornmeal body scrub?"
27317,93,5,5,Ted (2030): And then finally it happened. Marshall and Lily globbed into one big married glob.
27318,93,5,5,Marshall and Lily: We'd love cornmeal body scrub!
27319,93,5,5,Ted: Whoa. I got to dial back on the Tantrum.
27320,93,5,5,Robin walks on the street.
27321,93,5,5,"Robin: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be an American, y'all. (She throws one bottle on the floor) Maybe I'll rob a liquor store. Maybe I won't. My choice. Learn English! The Hoser Hut. I could duck in for a drink. No, no, that life's behind me. Forget it. Well, I could in for just one beer. What's the harm in that? It's a free country. (She crosses the road and enter into the bar) *O Canada Our home and native land...* Oh, God, I miss it. *True patriots love...*"
27322,93,5,5,Ted knocks at Marshall and Lily's bedroom door.
27323,93,5,5,"Ted: Hey, man."
27324,93,5,5,Marshall: Shh.
27325,93,5,5,Ted: Sorry about what I said before. You want to go to the store and get some beer?
27326,93,5,5,Marshall: Lily is asleep. I suppose I could reschedule my pedicure. What the hell? But only light beer because we have a couple hike in the morning.
27327,93,5,5,Marshall gets out of his room in bathrobe. Ted and Marshall are in the car.
27328,93,5,5,"Marshall: Dude, why are we pulling to the highway? Ted, where exactly are we going to get this beer?"
27329,93,5,5,Ted: Chicago.
27330,93,5,5,"Marshall: What are you doing? We can't just leave Lily. When she wakes up, she's going to freak!"
27331,93,5,5,Ted: She'll have a back rub and a crumpet. She'll be fine. Relax. Have some fun.
27332,93,5,5,Marshall: I just abandoned my wife. How am I supposed to have fun?
27333,93,5,5,4 minutes later...
27334,93,5,5,"Marshall and Ted, singing: *And I would walk 500 miles. And I would walk 500 more...*"
27335,93,5,5,"Ted: Hey, you really think Lily's pissed?"
27336,93,5,5,"Marshall: If she's pissed, she's pissed."
27337,93,5,5,Ted: Pfft.
27338,93,5,5,"Ted (2030): When Barney finally tracked down your Aunt Robin, it wasn't a pretty sight."
27339,93,5,5,Barney enters in a room where Robin is.
27340,93,5,5,Barney: Good morning.
27341,93,5,5,"Robin: Barney? Oh, my God. What happened last night?"
27342,93,5,5,Barney: You went Canadian.
27343,93,5,5,Robin: How Canadian?
27344,93,5,5,Barney: This Canadian. (He opens the curtains) Oh. That was supposed to be a dramatic view of the Toronto sky- you're in Toronto.
27345,93,5,5,"Robin: Oh, God. Okay. It's coming back to me. I, uh, I went into the Hoser Hut... And I met this women's curling team."
27346,93,5,5,Flash-back
27347,93,5,5,"Robin: We started drinking. And the next thing I know, they're inviting me to a Bryan Adams/Rich title double bill in Toronto."
27348,93,5,5,End of flash-back
27349,93,5,5,"Robin: How did you find me, anyway?"
27350,93,5,5,"Barney: You called me, said you were never coming back. So, I jumped on a plane, flew across the Atlantic..."
27351,93,5,5,Robin: Canada isn't across the Atlantic.
27352,93,5,5,"Barney: You're talking nonsense. Now, listen... You slipped up. It's fine. The test is in a few hours."
27353,93,5,5,"Robin: Barney, I'm not taking the test."
27354,93,5,5,"Barney: God, you're still drunk."
27355,93,5,5,"Robin: Look, I appreciate your help, but... who am I kidding? I'm Canadian. I always will be."
27356,93,5,5,"Barney: Now, that's ridiculous. We're gonna get some coffee, in you, we'll sober you up, and get you back to New York for that test. But, before any of that, we're gonna do it on this bed 'cause... hotel room. Okay, let's get some coffee."
27357,93,5,5,Ted and Marshall are in Chicago and they're eating.
27358,93,5,5,Ted: Kind of cross.
27359,93,5,5,Marshall: You're making me wonder if this pizza is worth the 22 hour drive.
27360,93,5,5,Ted: Just like old times!
27361,93,5,5,Marshall: I feel so young again except for the chest pains.
27362,93,5,5,Ted: But the crust is so good. What is the secret to this crust?
27363,93,5,5,Man: It's no big secret. It's made of cornmeal.
27364,93,5,5,Marshall: Cornmeal...
27365,93,5,5,Lily: We'd love a cornmeal body scrub!
27366,93,5,5,Ted: I can't believe you guys are closing.
27367,93,5,5,Man: I can't believe we're still open. Gotcha! These are getting bigger.
27368,93,5,5,Barney: It's like an entire country without a tailor.
27369,93,5,5,"Robin: Yeah, give me two coffees."
27370,93,5,5,"Women: $3,50, please. Hey, what did you think of the game last night?"
27371,93,5,5,Robin: What game?
27372,93,5,5,Women: The Leafs beat Edmonton. Beauchemin went five hole in OT.
27373,93,5,5,"Robin: Oh, I guess I missed it."
27374,93,5,5,"Women: Oh, sorry. You're American. Here's your change."
27375,93,5,5,Robin: I'm not American.
27376,93,5,5,"Women: American money? Didn't watch the Leafs game? No ""please"" or ""thank you"" for the coffee? You sure don't seem like a Canadian."
27377,93,5,5,Barney: What's wrong? Other than the fact that this five dollar bill they gave you is blue.
27378,93,5,5,"Robin: Wow. I'm not American, and apparently, I'm not Canadian either."
27379,93,5,5,Barney: And there's kids playing hockey on the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you.
27380,93,5,5,In Chicago...
27381,93,5,5,Marshall: I don't want this anymore.
27382,93,5,5,"Ted: Dude, don't look at it. That's a rookie mistake."
27383,93,5,5,Marshall: We shouldn't have left Lily.
27384,93,5,5,"Ted: Well, if you're so worried, why don't you give her a call?"
27385,93,5,5,"Marshall: I have. I left her, like, 20 messages. I said, ""I'm sorry. Please forgive me. It's all Ted's fault!"""
27386,93,5,5,"Ted: What exactly is ""Ted's fault""?"
27387,93,5,5,"Marshall: This! This whole thing! We were having a perfectly nice trip, and then you kidnapped me. You didn't even let me, put on underwear!"
27388,93,5,5,"Ted: We never used to put on underwear! That was the fun of a bro's trip to Gazzola's! We left everything, and everyone behind. It was just you and me! But now it's like you've disappeared into Lily."
27389,93,5,5,Marshall: That is not true.
27390,93,5,5,"Ted: It is true. You're not upset because you're worried she's mad. You're upset because you'd rather be with her, eating muffins than here with me, eating this delicious... I think one of my mushrooms just crawled away."
27391,93,5,5,"Marshall: Well, you know what? That mushroom's not the only thing that's living. Car keys, please."
27392,93,5,5,Ted throws the keys to him and Marshall bends.
27393,93,5,5,"Barney: Look at this money! This one has a moose, this one has a beaver, and they all have Elton John on the back."
27394,93,5,5,"Robin: When I moved to the States, I swore to myself, I wasn't going to change. And yet, here I am, in the most Canadian place in the universe- Tim Horton's- around the corner from the Hockey Hall of Fame, and I don't belong. It's like I don't have a country."
27395,93,5,5,"Barney: Okay, that's it. (He climbs on a chair) Attention, Canada! I am Barney from America. And I'm here to fix your backward-ass country. Number one: get real money. Don't know what board game this came from, but it's a ""jhoke"". Number two- and this is the biggie- Quit letting awesome chicks like Robin Scherbatsky get away because, guess what? You don't want her? I'm planting my flag in her- if you know what I mean, which you probably don't- and getting her the hell out of here. You may now return to being pointless. (He sits down and three men arrive behind him) Ah, this coffee is excellent. Oh. Hey, fellas. It's called a ""tie""."
27396,93,5,5,A child locks the door with a hockey stick.
27397,93,5,5,Ted and Marshall are in the car.
27398,93,5,5,"Kenny: Sparky was my best friend, but after I married Helen, old Spark started to feel a little left out. For so long, it had been just me and him, but now he suddenly felt like Helen had taken his place. What Sparky didn't realize was, even though I loved Helen, I still loved him, too. I had room in my heart for both of them. But maybe I should have put aside some special ball-tossing time just for the two of us t o make sure Sparky knew that he was a good boy. I wish now I had, 'cause old Sparky ran out in front of a Cadillac and got splattered like a watermelon in one of them Gallagher shows."
27399,93,5,5,"Marshall: I'm sorry, ted!"
27400,93,5,5,"Ted: I'm sorry! No, I'm sorry. I never should have been mad at you!"
27401,93,5,5,"Marshall: No, I never should have brought lily. She pees all the time, even at the apartment. Still bros?"
27402,93,5,5,"Ted: Best bros. Hey, you want to crank some Van Halen just like old times?"
27403,93,5,5,"Marshall: Hells, yeah!"
27404,93,5,5,Ted: Or listen to the Sparky book again?
27405,93,5,5,Marshall: Listen to the Sparky book again.
27406,93,5,5,Ted: Okay. Let's listen to it again.
27407,93,5,5,Barney and Robin return to the apartment.
27408,93,5,5,"Barney: Man, those Canadian doctors banded me up, reset my jaw, put my shoulder back in its socket, and they didn't even bill me. Idiots. All right, I guess they're no idiots. The coffee was extraordinary. Huh. I guess Canada's not so bad. They play their cards right, maybe they can even become a state someday."
27409,93,5,5,"Robin: Barney, I've thought about this. When you stood up and told off those people, I thought, ""Yeah, America's cool."""
27410,93,5,5,Barney: Hmm.
27411,93,5,5,"Robin: And then when those guys pounded the stuffing out of you, I thought, ""Yeah, Canada's pretty cool, too."" I may have taken a few pokes myself. So, I've decided, dual citizenship. I'm going to be American and Canadian."
27412,93,5,5,"Barney: Wait, you can do that?"
27413,93,5,5,"Robin: Yeah, dummy. Instead of being a woman with no country, I'm going to be a woman with two."
27414,93,5,5,Barney: I see.
27415,93,5,5,Robin: You understand?
27416,93,5,5,"Barney: No, I can see out of my left eye again."
27417,93,5,5,Ted and Marshall return in Marshall and Lily's room.
27418,93,5,5,"Marshall: Hey, baby? Baby?"
27419,93,5,5,Lily: Hmm? Yeah?
27420,93,5,5,Marshall: I'm so sorry that we left you.
27421,93,5,5,"Lily: Did you go somewhere, sweetie?"
27422,93,5,5,Flash-back
27423,93,5,5,"Ted (2030): Yes, kids, it turns out Crumpet Manor had pampered Lily into a nearly comatose state of relaxation. She didn't even notice we were gone."
27424,93,5,5,Lily's phone vibrates.
27425,93,5,5,"Lily: Mmm... Oh, oh, oh... Yeah..."
27426,93,5,5,End of flash-back
27427,93,5,5,"Lily: So, I had a great time, too."
27428,93,5,5,Marshall: That's good. And I'm so sorry you didn't get any pizza.
27429,93,5,5,"Lily: Oh, that's okay."
27430,93,5,5,"Ted (2030): And if she didn't mean it then, she certainly meant it 19 minutes later."
27431,93,5,5,"Marshall: God, my stomach! Damn you, Gazzola's!"
27432,93,5,5,Ted: It's like a hot ball of lead!
27433,93,5,5,"Marshall: Baby, cut it out of me."
27434,93,5,5,"Ted and Marshall are in the car, again."
27435,93,5,5,"Marshall: That was a wild trip, huh, Ted?"
27436,93,5,5,Ted: I know. It was kind of crazy. But how great is it to drink some Tantrum again?
27437,93,5,5,"Marshall: You know who had fun, was Lily. Lily drank like, four cans of the stuff. Right Lil'? Where's Lily?"
27438,93,5,5,"Lily, on the roof of the car: Tantrum! I have to pee."
27439,94,5,6,"Ted (2030): In autumn 2009, a new couple moved just above.We had not met but you could hear all the time. They kept... children, say they did not stop ""playing the bagpipes."""
27440,94,5,6,Robin: This is nonsense. They are still playing the bagpipes.
27441,94,5,6,Ted: I know. It's been 6 hours. That must be the fact that Stan Tantric bagpipes.
27442,94,5,6,"Robin: It does not stop him from screaming to play louder, but it seems that there is rather strong. I have a glass of water in my room that vibrates like Jurassic Park."
27443,94,5,6,Ted: Are there neighbors! Stop the bagpipes!
27444,94,5,6,GENERIC
27445,94,5,6,"Ted is at McLaren's, alone."
27446,94,5,6,Ted (2030): I decided to go to the bar to be quiet. It was not really that.
27447,94,5,6,Barney joins him.
27448,94,5,6,Barney: I hate to be the one to tell you. Marshall and Lily get divorced.
27449,94,5,6,Ted: Not at all.
27450,94,5,6,Barney: Look what I saw yesterday.
27451,94,5,6,Flashback
27452,94,5,6,"Barney, Marshall and Lily are in the kitchen of the latter."
27453,94,5,6,"Lily: Baby, you can wash it?"
27454,94,5,6,Marshall: No problem.
27455,94,5,6,Barney: I gotta go.
27456,94,5,6,End flashback
27457,94,5,6,"Barney: She makes her dishes right away, Ted. I give them two or three weeks maximum."
27458,94,5,6,Ted: There is nothing serious. And certainly nothing serious enough that you hold my hand.
27459,94,5,6,Barney: They have a big problem.
27460,94,5,6,"Ted: I see what happens. You, my friend, you suffer from a disease little known... ""little known"" because I just invented it... called Adequacy of New Relationship. Robin, you are in your honeymoon stage. Everything is perfect. The songs on the radio talking about you. Other couples are concerned. Enjoy it. The SNR does not last forever."
27461,94,5,6,"Barney: If, when you're great like me. Listen to this. Robin taking into account the number of beds in which we did. One is 83 and a half."
27462,94,5,6,Ted: And a half?
27463,94,5,6,Barney: An Ottoman 19th in an antique shop.
27464,94,5,6,Marshall arrived in turn.
27465,94,5,6,Marshall: What's new?
27466,94,5,6,Barney: Big Tiger. You holding up? Want a hug? You mean yesterday? You're safe here.
27467,94,5,6,"Ted: According to Barney, Lily asking you to do your own dishes right away is a sign that your marriage falls apart."
27468,94,5,6,"Marshall: Why? Lily loves a clean sink so I do the dishes right away, what's the problem?"
27469,94,5,6,Barney: I'll tell you what's the problem. You know how I was always the best single? Now I'm the best in relationship. Even better than you and Lily.
27470,94,5,6,"Marshall: Look at you. You got a girlfriend for 5 minutes and you think playing in the big leagues. Adorable. Son... I'm in a relationship for your ponytail and that you were playing the guitar with Dave Matthews Mom. I am a good boyfriend when I sleep. I can do a killer foot massage, hand and prepare a great chamomile on the other, which would make you cry. Damn, I know more about how to make popcorn and watch movies with Sandra Bullock in that you'll ever know, but thank you to worry, blue."
27471,94,5,6,Barney: Let me ask you a question.
27472,94,5,6,Marshall: Go ahead.
27473,94,5,6,"Barney: Do you mind you, if the sink is full of dirty dishes?"
27474,94,5,6,Marshall: Not really.
27475,94,5,6,"Barney: So what is the problem of Lily, not yours."
27476,94,5,6,"Marshall: But if I said that, we will play, so..."
27477,94,5,6,"Barney: You argue. Robin, we do not fight."
27478,94,5,6,Ted: Of course I do.
27479,94,5,6,"Barney: No. And here's the secret, every time we say we're going to argue..."
27480,94,5,6,Flashback
27481,94,5,6,Barney takes his breakfast when Robin arrives in a dressing gown.
27482,94,5,6,"Robin: Why is there a bag of pants marked ""April 2008"" in your closet?"
27483,94,5,6,"Barney gets up and leaves his apartment, leaving Robin unanswered."
27484,94,5,6,End flashback
27485,94,5,6,Ted: So when you think you will play and you get up you go?
27486,94,5,6,Barney: It works in 100% of cases. No fighting if you're not there.This is what Gandhi said.
27487,94,5,6,Ted: This is not true.
27488,94,5,6,Marshall: I can not believe Robin supports it.
27489,94,5,6,Barney: Do not worry. It also has a good way to avoid arguments.
27490,94,5,6,Flashback
27491,94,5,6,Robin and Barney are at the apartment of the latter.
27492,94,5,6,Robin: The ties go to the machine?
27493,94,5,6,"Barney Probably not. Why? You want what? My God, you want what?"
27494,94,5,6,She does not respond and unbuttons her blouse.
27495,94,5,6,End flashback
27496,94,5,6,Marshall: You're leaving. Robin begins to coat. I never heard anything so stupid.
27497,94,5,6,"Ted: Well, the thing naked is not bad. It was weird."
27498,94,5,6,Marshall: Call me crazy.
27499,94,5,6,Ted: Mad.
27500,94,5,6,"Marshall: But when you have a problem with Lily, it is discussed."
27501,94,5,6,"Barney: There's so much to do with the mouth. Why spoil it by talking? But if you insist, here's what I would say on the dishes if I was married to Lily."
27502,94,5,6,Flash
27503,94,5,6,Barney imagine the scenario. He returned to the apartment where Lily is already.
27504,94,5,6,"Lily: Barney, you came home!"
27505,94,5,6,She jumps into the arms of Barney and they kiss.
27506,94,5,6,End flash
27507,94,5,6,Marshall: Go to the basics!
27508,94,5,6,Barney: Okay.
27509,94,5,6,Flash
27510,94,5,6,"Barney: Thank you, doll."
27511,94,5,6,"Lily: Honey, you're going to wash it?"
27512,94,5,6,"Barney: I'm glad you mention it. No. And that's why. I know you do not like dirty sinks. But do it for me to clean it? If one day I looked up the ceiling of the room and think, ""Hey, I want a replica of the Sistine Chapel"" is what you will paint the?"
27513,94,5,6,Lily: No. Of course not.
27514,94,5,6,"Barney: Exactly! Similarly, if you do not like having lots of dirty dishes, it's your washing."
27515,94,5,6,Lily: Thank you explained that. I get confused easily.
27516,94,5,6,Barney: It's because you're a woman.
27517,94,5,6,Lily: I do not even know why we laugh!
27518,94,5,6,Barney: Of course not.
27519,94,5,6,End flash
27520,94,5,6,Ted: Are you kidding me.
27521,94,5,6,"Marshall: Wait, Ted. Listen to the man."
27522,94,5,6,"Barney: Once I have his attention, it's time to get out the heavy artillery."
27523,94,5,6,Flash
27524,94,5,6,Lily and Barney are sitting on the couch.
27525,94,5,6,"Barney: Look, I love you. But, baby, with little energy I have left after work, I want to cover you with love, not washing dishes."
27526,94,5,6,Lily: You're right. I'll do the dishes. Just after doing this.
27527,94,5,6,She lowers the light and dance in a way... sexy.
27528,94,5,6,"Barney: Now, turn around."
27529,94,5,6,End flash
27530,94,5,6,Ted: You beat him or I do it?
27531,94,5,6,Marshall: He's right.
27532,94,5,6,"Ted: No. Marshall, look at me. Do not go into the circus of Barney Stinson, the house of mirrors and illogical logic. You got ear pierced like that in 2003."
27533,94,5,6,Barney: The piercing was cool.
27534,94,5,6,"Marshall: It was cool, huh?"
27535,94,5,6,Ted: Stay with me! Barney is wrong.
27536,94,5,6,"Marshall: No, not at all. I hate doing the dishes right away."
27537,94,5,6,Ted: You just said the opposite!
27538,94,5,6,Marshall: I hate it! I hate it from the depths of my soul! I hate it! I hate it I hate it!
27539,94,5,6,Barney: You're welcome.
27540,94,5,6,Robin joins them.
27541,94,5,6,Ted: Okay. There you are. You're gonna tell me the truth. Barney said that you did ever played.
27542,94,5,6,Robin: I think that's true.
27543,94,5,6,Barney: I told you.
27544,94,5,6,Ted: Impossible. I love you both but you're the two biggest emotional disabilities in the history of relations. You had to play at least once.
27545,94,5,6,"Robin: You know what? It's true. We tried to find out which of us was most great. But it said draw and we made love. Speaking of that, I am delighted that we go skiing this weekend. I need a break. The upstairs neighbors make me crazy."
27546,94,5,6,"Ted: Yeah, it's ugly. I'll go talk to them."
27547,94,5,6,Robin: Thank you.
27548,94,5,6,"Barney: Super. Here are your tasks for the weekend. Ted, you're gonna go see the neighbors. Marshall, you go see Lily. Robin and I need you for a crouched position on an animal skin in our chalet. Ready? Break!"
27549,94,5,6,"Barney hand, followed by Robin."
27550,94,5,6,Ted: Have fun.
27551,94,5,6,"Marshall: Barney... With his madness, his theory goes well thought might work."
27552,94,5,6,Ted: I will repeat once. This is a bad idea.
27553,94,5,6,Marshall: Will it work.
27554,94,5,6,Ted: A second time. This is a bad idea.
27555,94,5,6,"Marshall: Barney argued logically. Lily is a reasonable woman. I think if I explain, understand and can go in my opinion."
27556,94,5,6,Ted: No. She will be angry and you will play.
27557,94,5,6,Marshall: It is a slap bet?
27558,94,5,6,Ted: We bet a slap.
27559,94,5,6,Marshall is in the kitchen with Lily.
27560,94,5,6,"Lily: Baby, you can do the dishes?"
27561,94,5,6,"Marshall: Lily, I am delighted that you mention."
27562,94,5,6,Ted opens the door to his apartment to let in Marshall with his business.
27563,94,5,6,Marshall: I can stay here tonight?
27564,94,5,6,Ted slaps him.
27565,94,5,6,"Ted: I am preparing the couch, man."
27566,94,5,6,Barney and Robin join Ted and Marshall at the bar.
27567,94,5,6,Robin: The ski babes are back!
27568,94,5,6,Barney and Robin kissing.
27569,94,5,6,Ted: How was the trip?
27570,94,5,6,Barney: Okay.
27571,94,5,6,"Robin: We spent the weekend hugging the fireside. No black diamonds, nothing but red hearts. I'll unpack my bags."
27572,94,5,6,Robin is about to leave when sending him a kiss Barney makes it to emblant to catch.
27573,94,5,6,Ted: What has happened between you? When did you become disgusting?
27574,94,5,6,"Barney: It's not great to finally see blossomed emotionally, spiritually and sexually?"
27575,94,5,6,Ted: We all came out a year.
27576,94,5,6,"Barney: short, and your weekend?"
27577,94,5,6,Marshall: Terrible. And because of you! I listened to your advice stupid!
27578,94,5,6,Flashback
27579,94,5,6,Marshall removing the dishes in the sink.
27580,94,5,6,"Lily: Baby, you can do the dishes?"
27581,94,5,6,"Marshall: Lily, I am delighted that you mention. No. And that's why... It's like, okay? You want me to get up and I wash my dishes. But maybe... I want you... combs the ceiling, right? I can say, ""Yes. I will do my dishes, if you get up and you painted the ceiling of naked babies. "" You see? It's just..."
27582,94,5,6,End flashback
27583,94,5,6,"Marshall: I do not know what happened. I am a lawyer. I earn my living by arguing but when it is with Lily, I'm... confused. How not to be with her eyes and her breasts?"
27584,94,5,6,"Barney: What happened to the ""I'm tired after my exhausting day and I want to use what little energy I have left to cover you with love""?"
27585,94,5,6,Marshall: I should have noted.
27586,94,5,6,Flashback
27587,94,5,6,Marshall: I'm making more money than you.
27588,94,5,6,Lily: Excuse me?
27589,94,5,6,Marshall: Dance for me.
27590,94,5,6,End flashback
27591,94,5,6,"Marshall: It's so much better when you said but with me, it turned into an argument. And when we started arguing, it starts to mutate and multiply."
27592,94,5,6,Flashback
27593,94,5,6,Marshall: It started with the dishes but after...
27594,94,5,6,Lily: So you're saying you should not do the dishes because you work harder than me.
27595,94,5,6,"Marshall: It's not what I say... but it's true. And suddenly, we argue as to who works the hardest."
27596,94,5,6,Lily: I teach kindergarten. I shape the leaders of tomorrow.
27597,94,5,6,Marshall: You eat cookies and you glue stuff. And other disputes are parties. Until there is so much we can no longer follow.
27598,94,5,6,"Lily: If you need to go there at night, or you turn on the light or toilet you sit."
27599,94,5,6,Marshall: My mother does not hate you. It is neutral about you.I'm not afraid of your imitation of Shining. I just did not need to hear it mostly at night.
27600,94,5,6,"Lily: Danny is not here, Mrs. Torrance."
27601,94,5,6,"Marshall: Do not do that, please."
27602,94,5,6,End flashback
27603,94,5,6,"Marshall: Dude, Lily is played badly. It is small... but as a vicious badger that your brother would have caught and starved for 5 days and placed in your sleeping bag. I should go and apologize."
27604,94,5,6,"Barney: You need to be angry. Dispute yourself stronger.Imagine that Marshall never have to wash dishes in all your life, all the plates are clean. Why, it would relieve any anxiety to any meal. Not having to tie your T-shirt to form a bowl of salted fortune for your pleasures. This world belongs to you, Marshall.Beach house, take it, put yourself in holiday clothes, benefits."
27605,94,5,6,Marshall: He's right.
27606,94,5,6,Ted: Barney's stupid ideas you have put into this mess. There is no escaping it. Make this stupid dishwasher.
27607,94,5,6,Marshall: This dish is my manhood! And I want to leave my manhood deep in the dirty sink full of ketchup and pasta...
27608,94,5,6,Barney: What do you eat?
27609,94,5,6,"Marshall: Well sh1t, it's my right! I will wipe my manhood when I'm ready!"
27610,94,5,6,By Marshall and Robin arrives.
27611,94,5,6,"Robin: Where is he was not riding? Hey, Barnstormer."
27612,94,5,6,"Barney: Hey, Ro-Ro."
27613,94,5,6,They kiss.
27614,94,5,6,Ted: You're cute nicknames? Seriously. What happens to you both?
27615,94,5,6,Robin: Nothing. We're just happy.
27616,94,5,6,"Barney: As Gandhi said, ""A smile costs nothing, baby."""
27617,94,5,6,Ted: I'm not sure that you know who Gandhi is.
27618,94,5,6,Robin: So you talked to the neighbors?
27619,94,5,6,"Ted: Yeah, yeah, I did. I went up ready to put them back."
27620,94,5,6,Flashback
27621,94,5,6,Ted hits with his neighbors over. A man and a woman opens.
27622,94,5,6,End flashback
27623,94,5,6,Robin: Some old?
27624,94,5,6,Ted: Really old.
27625,94,5,6,Robin: So you did what?
27626,94,5,6,"Ted: I did not have the strength to tell them to stop, because, good for them. So I told them you want to welcome, ate a hard caramel, acquiesced to some racist comments and I left."
27627,94,5,6,"Ted (2030): The days of Barney and Robin continued to be happier than ever. (At the bar, Barney and Robin dance) and Marshall and Lily have continued to argue."
27628,94,5,6,
27629,94,5,6,At the apartment Marshall and Lily...
27630,94,5,6,"Marshall: I do not care if the dishes are not done. If you do not give a damn, do it."
27631,94,5,6,"Lily: Super. So I do not care if you have an orgasm. If you do not give a damn, do it yourself."
27632,94,5,6,Marshall: I spent 18 years without a woman does not affect me. I can do it again.
27633,94,5,6,Lily: You will perhaps have to do it again.
27634,94,5,6,Ted is on his couch.
27635,94,5,6,Ted (2030): And I heard more than a bagpipe parade of St. Patrick.
27636,94,5,6,Between Marshall.
27637,94,5,6,"Marshall: I do not know what to do. We never had to fight so long. It's as if I no longer existed. Sunday morning, she made a pancake, Ted. A pancake and a slice of bacon."
27638,94,5,6,Ted: It's your fault. You took advice in love with Barney.
27639,94,5,6,"Marshall: Well, maybe Barney was all inclusive. He and Ro-Ro are the best pair now. With Lily it was dethroned."
27640,94,5,6,"Ted: You know, I do not believe all this stuff cute and adorable, it's not them. And I know for a fact that Robin hates nicknames."
27641,94,5,6,Flashback
27642,94,5,6,"In 2006, Robin joined the McLaren's Ted."
27643,94,5,6,"Ted: Thank you, Robbie Engineering."
27644,94,5,6,Robin: I do not like nicknames.
27645,94,5,6,At Ted's apartment...
27646,94,5,6,"Ted: You're finished with the sports page, Sherbs?"
27647,94,5,6,"Robin: Seriously, stop."
27648,94,5,6,Ted is on the phone.
27649,94,5,6,Ted: It's T-Mose.
27650,94,5,6,Robin: I do not like with you either.
27651,94,5,6,End flashback
27652,94,5,6,"Marshall: Apparently, she loves them now. And... come on, someone had to stop T-Mose."
27653,94,5,6,Ted: T-Mose was great. I think of the show.
27654,94,5,6,Marshall: The bagpipe seems different today. There was an echo.
27655,94,5,6,Ted: They're probably playing the bagpipes on the shower chair.
27656,94,5,6,"Ted (2030): And suddenly, I found how to get the real scoop on Barney and Robin."
27657,94,5,6,"Barney, Robin and Ted are at McLaren's."
27658,94,5,6,Barney: How will Marshall and Lily?
27659,94,5,6,"Robin: Those two worry me, really."
27660,94,5,6,"Barney: You and your big, huge heart."
27661,94,5,6,Ted: Enough. The game is over.
27662,94,5,6,Barney: What do you mean by that?
27663,94,5,6,"Robin: Who, him?"
27664,94,5,6,A man is sitting at their table.
27665,94,5,6,"Ted: It's going to come. You see, I knew it was wrong. You two were too happy, too radiant, too ""surnomants"". It was not right.Never disputes? Crap. You argue all... the... time."
27666,94,5,6,Robin: How would you know that?
27667,94,5,6,Ted: Phil told me.
27668,94,5,6,Barney: Who the hell is Phil?
27669,94,5,6,Ted: Your downstairs neighbor.
27670,94,5,6,Man: I'm Phil. 12-B.
27671,94,5,6,Ted: And it has everything... heard. So Phil told me that Ro-Ro and Barnstormer argue... a lot. Explanations?
27672,94,5,6,Barney: All was going well. Our techniques dodges worked perfectly until the skiing trip last weekend.
27673,94,5,6,Flashback
27674,94,5,6,Barney and Robin are in a chairlift.
27675,94,5,6,Barney: I found at Marshall's arguments Lily were zero then it will never have to wash another dish. Slap me in two.
27676,94,5,6,Robin: It's your board that is zero.
27677,94,5,6,Barney: You're on the side of Lily? You... (The chairlift stops) No. We will argue and I can not spin.
27678,94,5,6,Robin: I can not undress. It's freezing here. I'll be hypothermic.
27679,94,5,6,Barney: Or so I tried the jump?
27680,94,5,6,Robin: Or just the pants?
27681,94,5,6,Barney: This trick of dodging is over?
27682,94,5,6,Robin: I think.
27683,94,5,6,Barney: You have the? This is the smallest!
27684,94,5,6,Robin: They fight because of you!?
27685,94,5,6,End flashback
27686,94,5,6,Barney: And it does not stop there. We argue non-stop since.
27687,94,5,6,Robin: All the disputes that had prevented us are above benefits.The bag of panties.
27688,94,5,6,Barney: The tie murdered by Robin.
27689,94,5,6,Robin: The hidden camera in the headboard.
27690,94,5,6,"Barney: As a quarterback to stay on top. Monday morning, he sits on an ice pack and are studying the tape of the match."
27691,94,5,6,Robin: Barney for the millionth time...
27692,94,5,6,They argue.
27693,94,5,6,Ted: I knew it! I knew you were too cute and perfect!
27694,94,5,6,"Barney: Look, we were fed up everyone to tell us how we are no relations."
27695,94,5,6,Robin: It was nice to be the ideal couple for one minute.
27696,94,5,6,Ted: I knew you were lying. Get up early for the feint-T Mose.
27697,94,5,6,Robin: Stop it.
27698,94,5,6,At the apartment Marshall and Lily... Marshall is sitting on the couch.
27699,94,5,6,"Lily: Marshall, dinner is ready."
27700,94,5,6,Marshall: You've done for me?
27701,94,5,6,"Lily: No, but what is your favorite."
27702,94,5,6,It sounds and Marshall will open.
27703,94,5,6,Barney: We need advice.
27704,94,5,6,"Ted (2030): Robin and Barney told Lily and Marshall to their disputes. And let's just say, in comparison, their quarrels dishes seemed bland."
27705,94,5,6,Flashback
27706,94,5,6,We see scenes of arguments between Barney and Robin.
27707,94,5,6,End flashback
27708,94,5,6,"Ted (2030): And in the end, Lily and Marshall had the same reaction."
27709,94,5,6,Marshall: I'll do the dishes directly to my death.
27710,94,5,6,"Lily: I do not care when you take out. But if it is made of cheese as a good ziti, do soak."
27711,94,5,6,"Marshall: Sure, honey."
27712,94,5,6,Lily: I love you.
27713,94,5,6,Marshall: I love you too.
27714,94,5,6,"Robin: You see? At the moment, how did you do to fix everything?"
27715,94,5,6,Marshall: I do not know. Sometimes you just let his ego aside.
27716,94,5,6,Lily: And keep in mind that the love you have for that other person is more important than winning.
27717,94,5,6,Barney and Robin laugh.
27718,94,5,6,Barney: More important than winning.
27719,94,5,6,"Robin: Calm. Calm down. Seriously, what's the secret?"
27720,94,5,6,"Lily: The honeymoon phase may be over, but now you can get down to business. And honestly, it's the best part."
27721,94,5,6,Robin: Good night.
27722,94,5,6,Barney and Robin go.
27723,94,5,6,Barney: What about now?
27724,94,5,6,Robin: I think we should talk about advantage and get down to business.
27725,94,5,6,"Barney: Or, there is a bench in the elevator."
27726,94,5,6,"Robin: That's better. It is not the best couple in the world, so what?"
27727,94,5,6,Barney: Grave. It's not a competition.
27728,94,5,6,At the apartment Marshall and Lily...
27729,94,5,6,Lily: We won!
27730,94,5,6,Marshall: Best couple of the world!
27731,94,5,6,He opens a bottle of champagne. On the couch...
27732,94,5,6,Marshall: Guess what? These glasses are plastic. So you can throw them. So no dirty dishes in the sink.
27733,94,5,6,Lily: You're dirty. It is you who should be in the sink.
27734,94,5,6,They kiss.
27735,94,5,6,"Ted (2030): And once the first fight set, all the others, well, they are also regulated."
27736,94,5,6,"Neighbors of Ted, the luster of living aspen and a bagpipe sounds."
27737,95,5,7,"Ted (2030): Children, since I know your Uncle Barney, he has always had strong views on relationships."
27738,95,5,7,Flashback
27739,95,5,7,In 2008... The band is at McLaren's.
27740,95,5,7,"Barney: Your girlfriend? This is your girlfriend!? It is small and it's your friend? Do not humanize the enemy. But, delighted."
27741,95,5,7,End flashback
27742,95,5,7,"Ted (2030): And yet, in fall 2009, it was he who had a girlfriend."
27743,95,5,7,"Marshall, Lily, Barney, Ted and Robin are at the apartment of the latter."
27744,95,5,7,Barney: Come on. Open it. It's p0rn collection! Just kidding. It would be weird.
27745,95,5,7,Ted: It's your p0rn collection.
27746,95,5,7,"Barney: This is my collection of p0rn! I offer you my p0rn. Now that it goes really well with Robin, I need more."
27747,95,5,7,"Lily: Voluntarily, you abandon your p0rn...? You're really serious."
27748,95,5,7,Marshall: This is obvious.
27749,95,5,7,Barney: What does that mean?
27750,95,5,7,"Marshall: Nothing, it's just, you know, you have love handles."
27751,95,5,7,Barney: What?! I have no love handles. This is ridiculous.
27752,95,5,7,"Marshall: It's nothing. Once you're with someone, it is natural to let some go. Trust me. It's been there."
27753,95,5,7,Lily: He really is growing at a time.
27754,95,5,7,"Barney: We gotta go. Goodbye, my dear friends. You were always there for me. We will miss you."
27755,95,5,7,Robin: He speaks to p0rn.
27756,95,5,7,"Ted: Hi, Robin. A more."
27757,95,5,7,Robin: Hi.
27758,95,5,7,Barney and Robin go.
27759,95,5,7,"Lily: My God, matte videos. The orgy of space? The surprise party of 23 students naughty?"
27760,95,5,7,"Marshall: You'd think after 22 celebrations, students would no longer surprises."
27761,95,5,7,Lily: You can get rid of it.
27762,95,5,7,"Ted: No, it's not a problem. I'll do it."
27763,95,5,7,Lily: Are you sure? It's nothing. We can go around back and throw the box in the trash.
27764,95,5,7,Marshall: I read six of the words you just said about this jacket.
27765,95,5,7,"Ted: Seriously, this is nothing. I'm on it."
27766,95,5,7,Lily: Because...
27767,95,5,7,"Ted: Let them! In a sense, it's sad, right? Barney who abandons his p0rn. He has love handles. They eat the same thing every night. We are witnessing the end of Barney Stinson as we know it."
27768,95,5,7,Marshall: So what? They are happy.
27769,95,5,7,Lily: Let's go. A more.
27770,95,5,7,"Lily and Marshall go in turn, leaving Ted alone. In the hallway..."
27771,95,5,7,Marshall: So you're what?
27772,95,5,7,Lily: I Tail-Dalle.
27773,95,5,7,Marshall: What...? I thought I had seen in one take.
27774,95,5,7,Lily: Yeah. It's called Tail-Dalle.
27775,95,5,7,Ted is alone in the apartment and sort p0rn.
27776,95,5,7,"Ted: ArchiSexTure. That's not how you write ""Buckminster Fuller."""
27777,95,5,7,"Ted (2030): Children, pornography is wrong, and when I got rid of that horrible pornography on the field..."
27778,95,5,7,Ted: I get rid of this horrible pornography on the field.
27779,95,5,7,Ted (2030): There is something terrible happened.
27780,95,5,7,He stumbles into the chair and all the tapes fall. Full of tapes with a fly that lands in the VCR.
27781,95,5,7,Voice: ArchiSexture.
27782,95,5,7,"Barney: If you watch this tape, and I knew it... is that you are in possession of all my p0rn. It can only mean two things, either I'm dead or I'm in a committed relationship. If I died, I want you honor my memory by taking my body in the Hamptons and recreating Weekend at Bernie. I want to dance. I want to make love. And I want to go fishing. If, on the other hand, I'm in a relationship, as best friend, I have one favor to ask. Please, for God's sake, get me out of here!"
27783,95,5,7,GENERIC
27784,95,5,7,"Barney: I can look happy, but do not believe it. Barney Stinson is suited for celibacy. (Marshall and Lily have joined Ted) Out of pity, if our best friends account... And yes, Marshall, I'm his best friend, how you take it? So, get me out of here. And finally, since you hoping to see some p0rn... (Barney turns the camera towards the bed where a woman waits) Do not worry. The green light means it is off."
27785,95,5,7,Ted cut the video.
27786,95,5,7,Lily: We're sure he had done?
27787,95,5,7,"Ted: There is no reason to take it seriously, though?"
27788,95,5,7,"Lily: No, of course. This is an old tape. Barney is pleased with Robin."
27789,95,5,7,Ted (2030): But over time I began to notice things. Barney and Robin have stopped their crazy adventures.
27790,95,5,7,In McLaren's...
27791,95,5,7,Lily: So what you did last night?
27792,95,5,7,"Robin: I wanted to go to a concert. Him at a party. We could obviously do what the other wanted, so we stayed to watch a movie on cable."
27793,95,5,7,Barney: It was Legen... wait... the Autumn. Legends of the Fall!It was fun.
27794,95,5,7,Ted (2030): Barney stopped being himself.
27795,95,5,7,"Ted: I spotted this girl there, and I will need help to land the plane."
27796,95,5,7,"Barney: Sorry, I have my own way tonight."
27797,95,5,7,Barney became obese.
27798,95,5,7,Ted (2030): And Robin was annoyed when he opened his mouth.
27799,95,5,7,Lily: How do you go?
27800,95,5,7,Barney: Super. Relations are deadly...
27801,95,5,7,Robin: Shut up...
27802,95,5,7,Barney: Exchanges and compromise...
27803,95,5,7,Robin: Shut up...
27804,95,5,7,Barney: Monogamy is the best.
27805,95,5,7,Robin: Shut up.
27806,95,5,7,Barney: Tagline!
27807,95,5,7,Robin: Shut up.
27808,95,5,7,Ted (2030): But it got worse... more
27809,95,5,7,Barney: More hungry...
27810,95,5,7,Barney looks for a kiss but Robin does not respond.
27811,95,5,7,"Ted (2030): The more they said everything was fine. In truth, Barney and Robin had just let go. But after a few weeks for us, they looked like that."
27812,95,5,7,"Robin and Ted meet Barney, Marshall and Lily at the bar but they are obese."
27813,95,5,7,Barney: I can... in a minute.
27814,95,5,7,At Ted's apartment...
27815,95,5,7,Ted: They kill.
27816,95,5,7,Lily: They love each other.
27817,95,5,7,"Ted: Barney and Robin are in love, but they are more Barney and Robin. They are big and old."
27818,95,5,7,Marshall: My favorite cop show.
27819,95,5,7,Ted: This is obvious. Barney eats too much because he hates to lose his freedom. Robin and stress because she hates what has become Barney.
27820,95,5,7,Lily: They are perfect together.
27821,95,5,7,Ted: It might be the problem. They are too similar. It's hard to have two dominant in a relationship.
27822,95,5,7,Marshall: We are two dominant sets.
27823,95,5,7,"Lily: Of course, my heart."
27824,95,5,7,"Marshall: If they are not happy, why not break?"
27825,95,5,7,Ted: They are too stubborn. Neither wants to be the first to admit he no longer wants. They play at first that deflates.
27826,95,5,7,Marshall: I think the first who plays Barney deflates.
27827,95,5,7,"Lily: It's a bad time. It takes time to get used to each other. They are... How do you say ""selfish"" nicely?"
27828,95,5,7,Marshall Independent.
27829,95,5,7,Lily: Independents. Every relationship goes through there.
27830,95,5,7,"Marshall: It's true... I had a friend astronaut, totally in love with his fiancee. On the eve of her mission, she surprised him with four other girls and two guys. It has become intense. She ended up sneaking into the space shuttle..."
27831,95,5,7,Ted: Talk about Space Orgy?
27832,95,5,7,Marshall: Yeah.
27833,95,5,7,Lily: It's a bad time. Let us do things.
27834,95,5,7,Marshall: She's right.
27835,95,5,7,"Lily: Two against one, Ted. Let them."
27836,95,5,7,Ted (2030): I left them alone. But this weekend there...
27837,95,5,7,Marshall and Barney are the McLaren's and Barney is still eating.
27838,95,5,7,"Barney: Did you notice that the beef ribs were absolutely disgusting, but recently they have become delicious?"
27839,95,5,7,"Marshall: I'll get to the point, and ask you a question. Are you happy with Robin?"
27840,95,5,7,Barney: Are you kidding?! How could I not be? It's Robin!
27841,95,5,7,Marshall: So you're happy?
27842,95,5,7,"Barney: Can you ask me this question. We argue constantly, but you know what they say about relationships, ""Every moment is a battle."""
27843,95,5,7,Marshall: So you're happy?
27844,95,5,7,Barney: And you know what happens right after a fight? Gender reconciliation. What is different... when you're in a loving and lasting relationship.
27845,95,5,7,Flashback
27846,95,5,7,Barney and Robin are in bed.
27847,95,5,7,"Barney: Stack we make love, we order a pizza face and it stays there to moan."
27848,95,5,7,Robin: Okay. Decides that the piece.
27849,95,5,7,He throws the room.
27850,95,5,7,Barney: What was the pizza again?
27851,95,5,7,Robin: Face.
27852,95,5,7,Barney: It's face.
27853,95,5,7,End flashback
27854,95,5,7,"Barney: s*x... I'm right? Fortunately, it is becoming rare. I'm still hungry. You're hungry?"
27855,95,5,7,Marshall enters Ted's apartment.
27856,95,5,7,Marshall: We must break them. You're right. Barney and Robin are unhappy together but they are too stubborn to admit it. We must make the break.
27857,95,5,7,Ted: What next?
27858,95,5,7,Marshall: We will release... the Kraken.
27859,95,5,7,Flashback
27860,95,5,7,"Ted (2030): Children, as you know, earlier this year I learned that Lily had broken no one, not two, but seven of my past relationships."
27861,95,5,7,End flashback
27862,95,5,7,"Ted, Marshall and Lily are at the bar."
27863,95,5,7,Lily: Forget. I took my retirement. I no longer.
27864,95,5,7,Marshall: But you're the best.
27865,95,5,7,"Lily: I swear, I gave up these shots there. I became legit. I am now matchmaker."
27866,95,5,7,Ted: Find me someone.
27867,95,5,7,Lily: I just started.
27868,95,5,7,Marshall: Please. You've got to break. This relationship is killing them.
27869,95,5,7,"Lily: I know, but I learned the lesson. I no longer interferes. I let things."
27870,95,5,7,Ted: It's two against one.
27871,95,5,7,Lily: But the one that's me.
27872,95,5,7,She gets up and goes to the counter Barney sitting at a table... to eat.
27873,95,5,7,Ted: No need for it. We can do it alone.
27874,95,5,7,Marshall: How?
27875,95,5,7,"Ted: When I was with Robin, you remember the only thing that made pinball?"
27876,95,5,7,Flashback
27877,95,5,7,Robin and Ted are in the restaurant.
27878,95,5,7,Robin: You do not have the right to do this to me.
27879,95,5,7,Ted: What are you talking?
27880,95,5,7,Robin: From this! That's what I mean. How does it feel in my champagne?
27881,95,5,7,End flashback
27882,95,5,7,"Ted: If Robin thinks for one second that Barney wants to marry her, she Petera a lead and they will break."
27883,95,5,7,"Marshall: That sucks. Why not let Barney be tempted by a sexy girl? (Barney wipes his hands on his shirt) Okay, going to the ring."
27884,95,5,7,Barney and Robin are in the restaurant. Ted and Marshall are also and monitor them.
27885,95,5,7,Marshall: A surveillance van.
27886,95,5,7,Ted: What?
27887,95,5,7,"Marshall: It should take one. We have ordered pizza, watched through binoculars and said, ""That's not why I signed,"" or stuff like that."
27888,95,5,7,Ted: The server arrives.
27889,95,5,7,"Robin: Please, shut up."
27890,95,5,7,Barney: What?
27891,95,5,7,"Robin: I thought you had mentioned, sorry. (The waiter brings them two glasses of champagne) This is an engagement ring?Are you...?"
27892,95,5,7,"Barney: No, this is not one. They had the wrong table. You can imagine we are married?"
27893,95,5,7,Robin: We're committed to one another.
27894,95,5,7,Barney: Your business is already in my apartment.
27895,95,5,7,Robin: Easier for taxes.
27896,95,5,7,Barney: And for your naturalization.
27897,95,5,7,"Robin: ""Scherbatsky"" is hard to spell."
27898,95,5,7,Barney: My mother would be so happy.
27899,95,5,7,"Robin: Yeah, I guess."
27900,95,5,7,Barney: No reason not to do so.
27901,95,5,7,
27902,95,5,7,The band is back at the bar.
27903,95,5,7,Barney: We get married!
27904,95,5,7,"Robin: Not so loud, sh1t."
27905,95,5,7,Lily: What did you do? I'm furious now. It will not?
27906,95,5,7,Robin: You will be my bridesmaid?
27907,95,5,7,"Lily: Oh, my God! I'd love to!"
27908,95,5,7,Lily throws herself into the arms of Robin.
27909,95,5,7,At Ted's apartment...
27910,95,5,7,"Lily: You have lost your mind? You knew they were playing that first deflates, and what? You give them an engagement ring!Okay, that's good. I care. I return to the center stage for a final rupture."
27911,95,5,7,Marshall: What next?
27912,95,5,7,"Lily: They are up to their necks. A single argument will not suffice. We must revive the four largest arguments they've ever had, at one time. Number one, the battle of dirty dishes. Number two, the conflict of ex-girlfriends."
27913,95,5,7,Flashback
27914,95,5,7,The band is at the bar.
27915,95,5,7,Robin: You do not know any that girl over there?
27916,95,5,7,"Barney: No, I do not think. (The woman bends down to pick something she brought down) No, actually, I do not know... This is Meg. I do not compare in my mind there. Can you pick me?"
27917,95,5,7,Robin: Really?
27918,95,5,7,They argue.
27919,95,5,7,End flashback
27920,95,5,7,"Lily: Number three, the altercation Star Wars."
27921,95,5,7,Flashback
27922,95,5,7,Robin is Barney.
27923,95,5,7,Robin: You're not a bit old for that stupid doll?
27924,95,5,7,Barney: It's not a doll. It's a stormtrooper.
27925,95,5,7,Robin: He wears a diaper.
27926,95,5,7,"Barney: No, it's protective armor."
27927,95,5,7,Robin: A stormtrooper? Rather a storm-merdeur.
27928,95,5,7,Barney: Come on.
27929,95,5,7,Robin: It looks like your storm-merdeur the changes we need.
27930,95,5,7,"Barney: You know, I'm sick."
27931,95,5,7,Robin: I said nothing.
27932,95,5,7,"Barney: The jokes about magic, the stormtrooper..."
27933,95,5,7,End flashback
27934,95,5,7,"Lily: And, of course, the biggest, the Canadian-American War."
27935,95,5,7,Flashback
27936,95,5,7,In McLaren's...
27937,95,5,7,"Barney: thank you God, the song is over. Who was the old devil who sang?"
27938,95,5,7,Robin: You know Neil Young is my favorite musician.
27939,95,5,7,"Barney: She was the wife of Archie in All in the family, or the same voice?"
27940,95,5,7,Robin: Neil Young is a Canadian treasure. Do not make fun of Neil Young.
27941,95,5,7,Barney: I never make fun of an old lady paralyzed vocal cord...
27942,95,5,7,End flashback
27943,95,5,7,Ted: I've found. I have found. They maile images reminding those fights.
27944,95,5,7,"Lily: Poor kid. This is how it will happen. They are the restau... (Lily imagines the scene) First, it rekindles debate US-Canada, when Alan Thicke, a native of Ontario, going to their table."
27945,95,5,7,Ted and Marshall's arrest.
27946,95,5,7,Ted: Alan Thicke?
27947,95,5,7,Marshall: Oh yes. Robin was known when she sang.
27948,95,5,7,"Lily: They are always in contact. I had his number on the mobile Robin. Seriously... amateurs. (She plunges into the scene) So, Alan Thicke stimulus battle USA / Canada. Just then, Meg-the-crazy happens. Then, a stormtrooper happening in the street.And just when they are tired, a diver passes with a basin full of what? Dirty dishes."
27949,95,5,7,Ted: This is your masterpiece.
27950,95,5,7,Marshall: It takes a surveillance van!
27951,95,5,7,"Ted, Marshall and Lily are in a car"
27952,95,5,7,Marshall: A Break? Really? You have rented a station wagon?
27953,95,5,7,Ted: A van costs $ 25 more.
27954,95,5,7,Marshall: A Break?
27955,95,5,7,Marshall looks through binoculars and approaches a man in disguise.
27956,95,5,7,"Robot: Greeting, Will Robinson! That a birthday?"
27957,95,5,7,Lily: Get in the car.
27958,95,5,7,Ted: What is that thing?
27959,95,5,7,Lily: They did not stormtrooper so I had to take another robot. It will work also.
27960,95,5,7,Ted: Another robot? The stormtroopers are not robots.
27961,95,5,7,"Lily: Of course they are robots! ""Must kill Luke Skywalker"""
27962,95,5,7,Ted: No one said this in Star Wars.
27963,95,5,7,Marshall: Very bad robot voice.
27964,95,5,7,Man: Someone ordered an extra large sausage?
27965,95,5,7,Ted: A film of Barney begins like that.
27966,95,5,7,Marshall: Barney Five... order something.
27967,95,5,7,Man: I do not know if everything will be back.
27968,95,5,7,Ted: Now you mention the movie.
27969,95,5,7,Marshall: It continues. The server supports a second sheet.
27970,95,5,7,Lily: We need it here. It is in hiding.
27971,95,5,7,Man: You dont need a van?
27972,95,5,7,Ted: A van is more expensive.
27973,95,5,7,Marshall: Thank you!
27974,95,5,7,"Robot: Pass me a slice, Will Robinson!"
27975,95,5,7,"Ted: If you work the costume, they will pay us."
27976,95,5,7,Marshall: Stop and think only of money.
27977,95,5,7,Lily: Give a hand to the stormtrooper.
27978,95,5,7,Ted and Marshall: It's not a stormtrooper.
27979,95,5,7,Man 2: Sorry for the delay. I was looking for a van.
27980,95,5,7,Marshall: Thank you!
27981,95,5,7,Ted: $ 25!
27982,95,5,7,Man 2: I greet between Robin?
27983,95,5,7,"Lily: No, go up. Wait... When they blew the Death Star with thousands of stormtroopers it was human?"
27984,95,5,7,Marshall: It was the Death Star. They did not sign in the wind.
27985,95,5,7,"Man 2: I do not want to play with celebrities, but I have a dinner tonight, so..."
27986,95,5,7,Man: Someone should take this sausage!
27987,95,5,7,Ted: You were in this video? The guy with the tan of a farmer?
27988,95,5,7,"Robot: Many want pizza, Will Robinson!"
27989,95,5,7,"Man 2: Come on, I'm Alan Thicke!"
27990,95,5,7,Man: That's not why I signed.
27991,95,5,7,"Lily: You know what? Everyone, stop! Alan thicke, close it!Marshall is a break. Put-in-t. Ted, stop talking about p0rn. And for God's sake, give the pizza stormtrooper!"
27992,95,5,7,Lily takes the twins to marshall.
27993,95,5,7,Ted and Marshall: It's not a stormtrooper!
27994,95,5,7,Lily: Damn! They see us.
27995,95,5,7,They try to hide.
27996,95,5,7,Marshall: You're sure they've seen us?
27997,95,5,7,A woman comes in and does little to Marshall.
27998,95,5,7,Woman: I can go talk to Barney? I'm too excited. You really think he'll ask me to marry?
27999,95,5,7,"Marshall: Forget it is located. If you try something, they'll know it's us. We should all go..."
28000,95,5,7,Lily: This is my masterpiece. And then they saw us? It will work anyway.
28001,95,5,7,Ted: Come on. We find something else.
28002,95,5,7,"Alan: I repeat, I'm Alan Thicke."
28003,95,5,7,Woman: You are Alan Thicke?
28004,95,5,7,"Lily: Alan Thicke, to you. Go ahead."
28005,95,5,7,"Ted (2030): So Lily went on with his plan. First, Alan Thicke.Followed by Meg-the-wild. Then the robot. And finally, the dirty dishes. But after all that..."
28006,95,5,7,Lily: They kiss? They should not! Why it does not work?
28007,95,5,7,Ted: Because they love.
28008,95,5,7,Marshall: It was a bad spot.
28009,95,5,7,Lily: What am I doing? All this was a mistake.
28010,95,5,7,Robot: So... it tells you to smoke joints?
28011,95,5,7,"Marshall, Lily, Ted and Alan Thicke were at McLaren's."
28012,95,5,7,"Ted: I thought that I would not say that this coir, but... Robin and Barney, the happy couple."
28013,95,5,7,"Ted (2030): This is when we learned that relationships are hard but ultimately, everything comes right."
28014,95,5,7,Robin joins them.
28015,95,5,7,Lily: Where is Barney?
28016,95,5,7,Robin: It was broken.
28017,95,5,7,Ted (2030): And that's when we have forgotten the lesson they had learned ten seconds.
28018,95,5,7,Flashback
28019,95,5,7,"Ted (2030): You see, rather in the evening, when Lily was believed that Barney and Robin had spotted us, this is what they really saw."
28020,95,5,7,"Barney, seeing himself in the window of the restaurant: Why this big and this old will not stop us... It's us!"
28021,95,5,7,Robin: Look at us. It is horrible all the time like that?
28022,95,5,7,"Barney: I'm not happy. Finally, I would be. Nothing would make me happier than to be happy, but... I'm not."
28023,95,5,7,"Robin: What are we doing wrong? We love. If it does not work, what then? We are so similar."
28024,95,5,7,Barney: We love scotch. It is awesome.
28025,95,5,7,Robin: That might be it. There may be too great there.
28026,95,5,7,"Barney: Exactly. Two awesome cancel out, and... I'm tired of being canceled."
28027,95,5,7,Robin: Me too. We separate?
28028,95,5,7,Barney: I think. sh1t. Following happens. After which you and I can not become friends again.
28029,95,5,7,Robin: It's maybe not a break. This is perhaps... two friends... who find themselves.
28030,95,5,7,Alan Thicke: It's always nice to see a compatriot.
28031,95,5,7,Meg-the-crazy: Good news! I forgive you for that restraining order.
28032,95,5,7,Robin: It's a stormtrooper?
28033,95,5,7,Barney: It's not a stormtr... We're going from here?
28034,95,5,7,Alan Thicke: See you later.
28035,95,5,7,"Robin: In addition, Alan."
28036,95,5,7,"Barney and Robin go hand in hand, and Alan and Meg-the-wild on their side."
28037,95,5,7,Meg-the-insane: You still live at 73rd Street?
28038,95,5,7,Alan: How do you know?
28039,95,5,7,Barney: Friends that are found. I like it.
28040,95,5,7,Robin: One for the Road?
28041,95,5,7,They kiss before leaving the restaurant.
28042,95,5,7,"Barney: And then who knows? Maybe in 40 years, if you have not found anyone..."
28043,95,5,7,Robin: I am already involved with Ted.
28044,95,5,7,"Barney: It's true. Thin. Maybe in 39 years, if you have not found anyone..."
28045,95,5,7,Ted (2030): It turned out that they had just let things happen.
28046,95,5,7,End flashback
28047,95,5,7,"Marshall: So, how is Barney?"
28048,95,5,7,"Robin: Well, I think. It may take a while to recover, but... You had a thrill?"
28049,95,5,7,Barney enters the McLaren's and everyone turns around. He again became slim.
28050,95,5,7,Barney: Dad returned.
28051,95,5,7,Alan: Content that is either mentioned it again.
28052,95,5,7,Robin: It is getting it soon.
28053,95,5,7,Lily: I love that you are always so many friends after this clip.
28054,95,5,7,"Alan: Clip? The video for ""Sandcastles""! It was also this together."
28055,95,5,7,"Barney: What do you mean ""too""?"
28056,95,5,7,Alan: We had this issue of Canadian variety that missed. It was so shameful. Imagine what would happen if someone put their hands on it?
28057,95,5,7,Robin: You then.
28058,95,5,7,Alan part. Robin and Barney sits down near the exit.
28059,96,5,8,"Ted (2030): Children, go out with someone for this is simple. We must be confident, good about yourself, and course of who you are. Uncle Barney was very good on this last point, although many times it was someone else."
28060,96,5,8,Barney is the bar disguised as a diver. Lily approaches a woman at the counter installed.
28061,96,5,8,Lily: You see that guy over there in diving suit? You think you're going to go talk to him?
28062,96,5,8,Woman: No.
28063,96,5,8,Lily: Okay. This is certainly the biggest con on this planet.
28064,96,5,8,Woman: How do you know?
28065,96,5,8,Lily: This is one of my best friends.
28066,96,5,8,Woman: And the diving suit?
28067,96,5,8,"Lily: It's a long story. You see, he just break..."
28068,96,5,8,Ted (2030): There are two basic ways to behave after a breakup.Some are dedicated solely to...
28069,96,5,8,Flashback
28070,96,5,8,At Ted's apartment...
28071,96,5,8,"Robin: My career. This is my new priority. From now on, more a date. The job."
28072,96,5,8,Ted (2030): While others are dedicated solely to...
28073,96,5,8,"Barney: All women of New York. That's right, Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mother, lock your daughters. Daughters, lock your MAQACENJaR."
28074,96,5,8,Marshall: MAQACENJaR?
28075,96,5,8,"Ted: Wait, I can find. With Mothers Who I'd like Sunset And Never Forgot."
28076,96,5,8,Barney: You have the right answer!
28077,96,5,8,"Lily: You're not rush a little, then?"
28078,96,5,8,"Barney: Since I went out with Robin there is a trick that I have not used as much as I wanted. It is... rather large, surprisingly heavy, with the skin, and it's black. My friends, this is the book of... Roles."
28079,96,5,8,GENERIC
28080,96,5,8,"Barney: The Roles book contains all the scams, trickery, deception, underhand, cunning, nonsense, and embobinages tricks I used, or expected use, to nab the girls and do their business."
28081,96,5,8,Marshall: You're writing another book? Stephen King was one right there.
28082,96,5,8,"Barney: It's all there. Everything, starting from the basic, like Le Bois Do Not Ca..."
28083,96,5,8,DO NOT THE WOOD ~ ~ CA
28084,96,5,8,"At MacLaren's, Barney keeps women from drinking his glass."
28085,96,5,8,Barney: Do not drink it. I saw a guy put something.
28086,96,5,8,Woman: What? Who?
28087,96,5,8,Barney: This guy.
28088,96,5,8,"It shows Ted, who is dumped to the ground by a man."
28089,96,5,8,Woman: Thank you.
28090,96,5,8,"Barney:... Until more advanced maneuvers, such as the Ms. Stinsfire."
28091,96,5,8,~ ~ THE Ms. STINSFIRE
28092,96,5,8,In an apartment...
28093,96,5,8,"Women: Kappas, after our disciplinary hearing on obscene behavior last semester, we welcome a new housekeeper. I present to you Ms. Stinsfire."
28094,96,5,8,"Barney arrives disguised as a woman, and a feather duster in hand."
28095,96,5,8,"Ms. Stinsfire: Hello, girls!"
28096,96,5,8,Marshall: I do not see how it could not walk.
28097,96,5,8,Ted: What The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn?
28098,96,5,8,"Barney: Glad you asked. The Lorenzon Von Matterhorn will be my comeback on stage. Or, you know, in my bed. In fact, my bed is on a stage. I put it on a platform and installed lighting. A real production. Barney goes!"
28099,96,5,8,He gets up from the couch and leaves.
28100,96,5,8,In McLaren's...
28101,96,5,8,Marshall: And you Robin? You leave it in play? Where is your book of Roles?
28102,96,5,8,"Robin: My book? Buddy... in two volumes, right here."
28103,96,5,8,Ted: A great book.
28104,96,5,8,"Lily: Yeah, I'm reading it."
28105,96,5,8,"Robin: So, I have told you, I take a break on that side."
28106,96,5,8,Ted: It's going to happen.
28107,96,5,8,Marshall: Bluntly.
28108,96,5,8,Robin: What?
28109,96,5,8,Ted: You'll fall in love.
28110,96,5,8,Marshall: Very soon.
28111,96,5,8,"Robin: It's unlikely, I focus on my career, finished the rencards."
28112,96,5,8,Ted: We play Pyramid. What people are saying just before meeting the love.
28113,96,5,8,"Marshall: Kelly Harris, a fellow law school, said... ""The law school is too hard, I want to focus on courses. ""Six months later?Married!"
28114,96,5,8,Robin: It's good but...
28115,96,5,8,"Ted: Travis Frenchroy, replacing bartender told me... ""I'm done with all these rencards. I want to concentrate on my fan fiction of Star Trek. ""Six months later... Married!"
28116,96,5,8,Robin: I answer? It's good for them...
28117,96,5,8,"Marshall: Matthew Blitz, accounting job, said... ""I will die alone.To focus as much on taxes this year. ""Six months later? PACS and plans to marry pending the enactment of the Act currently in the Senate from New York!"
28118,96,5,8,"Ted: It happens, whatever you say. It is a law of nature."
28119,96,5,8,Marshall: Judged. By nature.
28120,96,5,8,Ted: Trust me. I would not get interested in relationships. I would not be single if I wanted to be single.
28121,96,5,8,Lily: Okay. Are you ready?
28122,96,5,8,Ted: Ready for what?
28123,96,5,8,"Lily: Three years ago, Shelly started working at my school.When I saw her, I said, ""It's perfect for Ted."""
28124,96,5,8,Ted: Why do not you talk to me now?
28125,96,5,8,"Three years earlier, Lily enters MacLaren's with Shelly."
28126,96,5,8,Shelly: I usually hate rencards arranged but Ted looks great.
28127,96,5,8,Lily: He is. It is so great and attentive and intelligent.
28128,96,5,8,Marshall: Another chicken and stick to you the crown!
28129,96,5,8,Ted tries to make the most of chicken fingers in his mouth.
28130,96,5,8,"Lily: I do not see it. It must be voluntary. So, another bar?"
28131,96,5,8,Lily leaves the bar with Shelly.
28132,96,5,8,"Ted, with chicken fingers in the mouth: This girl is super nice with Lily!"
28133,96,5,8,Ted: Yeah she was pretty.
28134,96,5,8,Lily: It still is. And you're ready.
28135,96,5,8,Marshall: But you can put three times more than chicken fingers in your mouth. You know.
28136,96,5,8,Lily: I will fix it but promise me not to do anything stupid.
28137,96,5,8,Ted: I promise to do anything stupid.
28138,96,5,8,Ted (2030): And I kept that promise. But just because... it never came.
28139,96,5,8,A school where Lily works...
28140,96,5,8,"Shelly: I know. I'm sorry, I am ashamed."
28141,96,5,8,Lily: You should!
28142,96,5,8,Shelly: This is the case!
28143,96,5,8,Lily: You should! You should!
28144,96,5,8,"Shelly: This is the case, it does! This is false. I could not wait to meet Ted but I arrived at the bar an hour early and I met this great guy. Kind, serious genius."
28145,96,5,8,Lily: And you met him at McLaren's?
28146,96,5,8,Shelly: Just at the bar.
28147,96,5,8,Lily: What is the name there?
28148,96,5,8,Shelly: I should not say. And sh1t. This is Lorenzo Von Matterhorn!
28149,96,5,8,Barney opened his door.
28150,96,5,8,Lily: You... dirty b*st*rd.
28151,96,5,8,End flashback
28152,96,5,8,"Marshall, Lily, Robin, Ted and wife Lily was seeing are at the same table and watch Barney in diving suit, sitting at another table, alone."
28153,96,5,8,"Woman: So, he got Shelly? It must have upset you."
28154,96,5,8,Lily: Bluntly.
28155,96,5,8,Flashback
28156,96,5,8,Lily is Barney.
28157,96,5,8,Lily: I had put aside for Ted Shelly for 3 years.
28158,96,5,8,"Barney: My hen, Ted did not miss much. She is brainy, boring, a bit boring in bed. In fact it would have been perfect for Ted.Oops! (Lily hits him) If I had known she was there for Ted, I would have obviously not done, but... given the circumstances, I think Ted would be proud of me. I managed The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn."
28159,96,5,8,End flashback
28160,96,5,8,Woman: What The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn?
28161,96,5,8,"Lily: Exactly, yes."
28162,96,5,8,Flashback
28163,96,5,8,Lily: What The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn?
28164,96,5,8,Barney: Glad you asked.
28165,96,5,8,LORENZO THE VON ~ ~ MATTERHORN
28166,96,5,8,Barney is on his computer.
28167,96,5,8,"Barney: To achieve the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn is what you need, basic knowledge in web design and a truly unique fake name. So think about your fake name right away. You? Fine.Now choose your target. (It is now at the bar) Preferably a girl with a great big... phone. (He approaches the counter Shelly installed) Yeah that's me."
28168,96,5,8,Shelly: I know you?
28169,96,5,8,Barney: I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.
28170,96,5,8,"Shelly: You are, kind known?"
28171,96,5,8,"Barney: Yes. You do not know who I am, does not it? It feels good for once. Nice to meet you..."
28172,96,5,8,Shelly: Shelly.
28173,96,5,8,"Barney: Shelly? Again, I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. It is written as it is pronounced, with two ""T"". (He leaves) Then, once you leave, she takes out her phone and tries Lorenzo Von Matterhorn on the Internet. And that's when she discovers... A series of fake websites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. A false item of business on Lorenzo, the hermit billionaire. The fake of the Explorer Club newsletter on his trip to the North Pole in an airship, a feat of imagination and challenge. The fake medical journal with a story to make you cry the doctors saying that a reduction of the pen1s is not an option. And time to return... (Barney returns to Shelly) I hate to be cheeky, but I can offer you a coffee?"
28174,96,5,8,Shelly: Yes! Please.
28175,96,5,8,"Barney: How much is a coffee today, $ 50? And here we go."
28176,96,5,8,He leaves the bar with Shelly.
28177,96,5,8,Lily: It's horrible. You realize you've broken her heart? She is inconsolable.
28178,96,5,8,Barney: Why would it be inconsolable? The airship of Lorenzo will not disappear in the Arctic for a week. Sorry if this is that someone told her that it was lies.
28179,96,5,8,
28180,96,5,8,At school...
28181,96,5,8,Shelly: It was all lies?
28182,96,5,8,Lily: It was all lies.
28183,96,5,8,Shelly: The expedition in the airship?
28184,96,5,8,Lily: Lies!
28185,96,5,8,Shelly: The artificial island in the shape of his face off Dubai?
28186,96,5,8,Lily: Lies!
28187,96,5,8,Shelly: Finishing third in the contest of Laser Tag?
28188,96,5,8,"Lily: Men... Actually, that's true. I went there."
28189,96,5,8,Shelly: You went to the Vatican?
28190,96,5,8,Lily: Lies!
28191,96,5,8,"Barney: Oh my God! Well, I hope you are pleased with you."
28192,96,5,8,Lily: What?
28193,96,5,8,Barney: Thou hast broken my heart.
28194,96,5,8,Lily: Me?
28195,96,5,8,"Barney: You! She will never trust a man. You've spoiled for Ted.Not to mention Julio Von Matterhorn, the twin brother of Lorenzo."
28196,96,5,8,End flashback
28197,96,5,8,"Lily: Do you believe? He says it's my fault. And by the way, Ted, I bet she go out with you again."
28198,96,5,8,Ted: I'm thinking. Do I want to date a girl that Barney was typed?Help me for harmonies. Of course.
28199,96,5,8,"All, making the chorus: No way..."
28200,96,5,8,Lily: That must bother you a bit.
28201,96,5,8,Robin: It's his life. These girls had it coming if they are stupid enough to be fooled.
28202,96,5,8,Marshall: I agree. You've seen one called The Snåsa?
28203,96,5,8,~ ~ THE Snåsa
28204,96,5,8,Flashback
28205,96,5,8,Barney at the bar with a woman.
28206,96,5,8,Woman: You're an astronaut?
28207,96,5,8,"Barney: Actually, I'm in a top secret government space program called Secret NASA... Snåsa."
28208,96,5,8,Woman: Snåsa? You went to the moon and everything?
28209,96,5,8,"Barney: No Moon you know, but I went on Slune."
28210,96,5,8,Woman: The Slune.
28211,96,5,8,End flashback
28212,96,5,8,"Robin: If you fall in there, you break my heart, but sorry, you're sdébile."
28213,96,5,8,"Woman: So, then?"
28214,96,5,8,Flashback
28215,96,5,8,"Lily: Well, Barney, you go out... You just get out of a sincere relationship. You're a big boy now. You can return to your towers to two euros."
28216,96,5,8,Barney: Tours to two euros?! None of these towers is. The Tower A except two Euros.
28217,96,5,8,THE TWO TOWERS ~ ~ EUROS
28218,96,5,8,Barney is dressed and speaks with a woman.
28219,96,5,8,"Barney: I am the bassist for Tower Two Euros. And even that involves expensive hair extensions. Now, if you allow, I have to prepare for the event tonight. The I exécuterais he will not come.Glad you asked."
28220,96,5,8,~ THE THERE WILL NOT ~
28221,96,5,8,"Barney: The To run it will not come, you will need the observation deck of the Empire State Building. Got it? Fine. For generations, this is the place chosen by New Yorkers for reunion with their lost lovers of view, you need to go to every girl and say, ""He will not come."""
28222,96,5,8,Woman: What are you talking about?
28223,96,5,8,Barney: Let it go. (He goes to another woman) He will not come.(Then another) He will not come. She's not coming? Sorry. (The woman leaves) Until... He will not come.
28224,96,5,8,Woman: No? But we agreed. We always said we would meet again here. Tonight it. I'm an idiot.
28225,96,5,8,Barney takes her in his arms to console her.
28226,96,5,8,"At the apartment, Ted and Marshall are at the console."
28227,96,5,8,Robin: I'll fetch the newspaper.
28228,96,5,8,"Ted: Or rather, look for a husband."
28229,96,5,8,Marshall: Grave.
28230,96,5,8,"Robin: You must stop, seriously. The last thing I'm looking for now is a relationship."
28231,96,5,8,"Ted: Taking the newspaper, think to watch the ads for marriages.For yours."
28232,96,5,8,Marshall: It's like that. Have you any idea how many times in my life when I went to look for frozen waffles frozen in vain?
28233,96,5,8,Robin: Thousands?
28234,96,5,8,"Marshall: Millions. But when I go in search of a mirror or the remote because Lily and I had an argument and she has hidden there, whereupon I fall? Frozen waffles. It's like that. You go out to get the newspaper, but you come back with frozen waffles.And there, frozen waffles he's a guy. As long as you're there, you take it back frozen waffles? And there, frozen waffles are... frozen waffles."
28235,96,5,8,"Barney, entering: Everyone, code red! Emergency. Lock.Nobody gets out."
28236,96,5,8,Robin: What happened?
28237,96,5,8,"Barney: I tried the he will not come, and it worked. Monstrous.You should have seen this girl."
28238,96,5,8,Robin: I'm leaving.
28239,96,5,8,Robin fate.
28240,96,5,8,"Barney: So, we came up to me, and I go to my room to prepare the camera... lighting candles... and when I go out, nobody, paper and more roles! We all know who is responsible for that."
28241,96,5,8,"Lily: Yes, we know."
28242,96,5,8,Barney: Al-Qaeda.
28243,96,5,8,"Lily: No, you idiot. That was me."
28244,96,5,8,Barney: You... enfoirée dirty!
28245,96,5,8,End flashback
28246,96,5,8,In McLaren's... Barney is still dressed in diving.
28247,96,5,8,"Woman: You have stolen the Book of Roles? So, the daughter of the Empire State Building?"
28248,96,5,8,Lily: An actress friend.
28249,96,5,8,Flashback
28250,96,5,8,At Ted's apartment...
28251,96,5,8,Barney: An actress. Of course. That explains his perfect diction and style of Drag.
28252,96,5,8,Lily: I'm almost to the point of taking this book and put it on the net for everyone to see.
28253,96,5,8,Barney: You would not dare.
28254,96,5,8,"Lily: No, as you stop scams and confidence tricks, deception, underhand, tricks, schemes and embobinages."
28255,96,5,8,Barney: You did not say nonsense.
28256,96,5,8,Lily: No more nonsense!
28257,96,5,8,Barney: Slim.
28258,96,5,8,End flashback
28259,96,5,8,Robin: Sorry to interrupt but check it out.
28260,96,5,8,Ted: No.
28261,96,5,8,~ ~ THE Ted Mosby
28262,96,5,8,Flashback
28263,96,5,8,Barney pretends to Ted with a woman.
28264,96,5,8,Barney: I was abandoned at the altar.
28265,96,5,8,End flashback
28266,96,5,8,"Ted: Oh, my god, it's horrible. I wonder if it works."
28267,96,5,8,Marshall: And yet this is not the worst. Do you saw My pen1s grants wishes?
28268,96,5,8,~ THE MY pen1s grants wishes ~
28269,96,5,8,Flashback
28270,96,5,8,Barney is dressed as a genius.
28271,96,5,8,Woman: Really? A genie comes out?
28272,96,5,8,Barney: Only if you rub hard enough.
28273,96,5,8,End flashback
28274,96,5,8,Woman: And what happens after it?
28275,96,5,8,Ted: He starts singing and objects come alive and dance with him.
28276,96,5,8,Marshall: It's not very well designed. This is not Ms. Stinsfire.
28277,96,5,8,Woman: And in real life?
28278,96,5,8,Lily: A few hours later...
28279,96,5,8,Flashback
28280,96,5,8,A knock on the door. Ted will open. Barney comes into diving suit.
28281,96,5,8,"Ted: Apparently, it will rain."
28282,96,5,8,"Barney: If you wonder, I would be at McLaren's playing a character from the Book of roles being called The Diver. That's all."
28283,96,5,8,"He leaves, walking with fins."
28284,96,5,8,"Lily: It's good. I put the Book of Roles on the Internet. Baby, you can put the Book of Roles on the Internet?"
28285,96,5,8,"Marshall: Sure baby, but there is something odd. I flipped through the whole book. There is no role called The Diver."
28286,96,5,8,"Ted, Robin, Marshall and Lily have joined Barney at the bar."
28287,96,5,8,"Barney: Now you want to know what the diver. In fact, it was on the last page of the Book, but I pulled in case. But do not worry.You will see it in action. You see the blonde next to the bar?Cizzible repérizzée."
28288,96,5,8,"Lily: Barney, no. You are..."
28289,96,5,8,"Barney: Forget it, kid. If anyone should be angry with me, this is Robin. She loves the book."
28290,96,5,8,Robin: I did not worship the book.
28291,96,5,8,"Barney: But what...? The Book of the Rolls, this is gold. Granted this is truly spectacular."
28292,96,5,8,"Robin: We just broke. The costumes are nice, but... it just broke."
28293,96,5,8,"Barney: I did not know you felt it. I was so caught up with my own projects as... Damn, she looks out there. Quickly dispersed."
28294,96,5,8,"Everyone will sit at another table except Barney is left alone, and Lily goes to see the woman at the counter."
28295,96,5,8,Lily: It's good. You see that guy over there in diving suit?
28296,96,5,8,End flashback
28297,96,5,8,Lily: And here we are.
28298,96,5,8,Woman: Wait. Why he wears a wetsuit?
28299,96,5,8,"Marshall: I have no idea. And it's killing us, Claire. It kills us!"
28300,96,5,8,Claire: Let's ask him.
28301,96,5,8,They joined Barney at his table.
28302,96,5,8,"Lily: So what does the diver? Claire and here, in passing."
28303,96,5,8,"Barney: Hello, Claire. I am Lieutenant Frank Lyman. I train dolphins bomb detectors for... You know what? I can not do that.Robin, I'm sorry. I think this break is harder for me than expected.The Book of roles was just a way to change my mind."
28304,96,5,8,Robin: It's okay. It's hard for me too. Look at me. I gave up on relationships.
28305,96,5,8,Marshall: She is getting married.
28306,96,5,8,Ted: I will prepare my toast.
28307,96,5,8,Marshall: I have to check my tuxedo.
28308,96,5,8,Robin: I'll knock your heads like two coconuts.
28309,96,5,8,"Lily: I'm delighted that you stop it. And frankly, the real Barney is better than all the false Barney's Book of Roles."
28310,96,5,8,"Barney: Is it true? Claire, you must have heard a lot about the real Barney tonight. Want some coffee?"
28311,96,5,8,"Lily: Before refusing, you should know that in this neoprene combined with what appears to be a pair of socks..."
28312,96,5,8,"Barney: A Pringles, but still."
28313,96,5,8,Lily:... is an incredible kind. He's funny and it's one of my best friends. And he came out with this gun.
28314,96,5,8,Robin: It's a good guy.
28315,96,5,8,"Ted: Come on, go out with him."
28316,96,5,8,"Marshall: It's a coffee, huh?"
28317,96,5,8,Robin: It's nothing.
28318,96,5,8,"Claire: Okay, okay. Going for coffee."
28319,96,5,8,Ted (2030): And at the end of the evening...
28320,96,5,8,Barney share in the company of Claire.
28321,96,5,8,Marshall: I'm proud of him. It takes a lot of Pringles to be as vulnerable.
28322,96,5,8,"Lily: I had a message from Barney. ""Look under the table."" (She looks under the table and finds an envelope) A page from the Book of Roles."
28323,96,5,8,Robin: It says what?
28324,96,5,8,Ted: It's The Diver.
28325,96,5,8,~ ~ THE DIVER
28326,96,5,8,Flashback
28327,96,5,8,"Barney: Step one, talk to a friend Book Roles. Step two, play with one of his colleagues and make angry she steals the Book.Step three, put the combi and say you will do a final round, The Diver with the sexy girl next to the bar. Your friend, let's call her Lily, told him everything about the book. Now the hard part.When Lily and daughter are questioning The Diver, remove the mask, and pull out the stops on your deepest insecurities that do not exist because you are awesome. Sad for you, Lily talks about you to the girl who agrees to have coffee. And... is... gone."
28328,96,5,8,End flashback
28329,96,5,8,Lily: You dirty b*st*rd...!
28330,96,5,8,"Ted, a woman I'll call you. (The woman leaves and joins Robin and Ted Marshall) For those who count the points, The Ted Mosby works."
28331,96,5,8,"Marshall: It is. You say you do not want a relationship. Well, the love of your life will not pass this door, and this is... this kind."
28332,96,5,8,A man with blonde hair and large between.
28333,96,5,8,Robin: I will not fall in love with him.
28334,96,5,8,"Ted: Yes, because it is... this kind."
28335,96,5,8,Between an old man in turn.
28336,96,5,8,"Robin: No comment. The blue jacket, it does not suit me, so..."
28337,96,5,8,"Marshall: Right, because here it is. It is this type! (A woman enters) Let him at least a chance. Get out a bit with it, see if it can give something."
28338,96,5,8,Robin: I will work.
28339,96,5,8,"Marshall: Yeah, right."
28340,96,5,8,Robin: I'm really going to work.
28341,96,5,8,Ted (2030): And the irony of history...
28342,96,5,8,"The studio work of Robin, a man coming towards her."
28343,96,5,8,"Man: You, Robin?"
28344,96,5,8,Robin: Yes.
28345,96,5,8,"Man: Don, new co-host."
28346,96,5,8,Ted (2030): This was the day she met Don.
28347,96,5,8,"Robin: Damn, Marshall."
28348,97,5,9,"Ted (2030): In November 2009, Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily celebrated their first Thanksgiving in their own apartment. And Marshall had found the perfect turkey."
28349,97,5,9,"Marshall out of a taxi, the phone to your ear."
28350,97,5,9,"Marshall: It's beautiful. She is 10 pounds. It is organic. Do you remember my uncle Heinrek bald? Looks like his head squarely.(The taxi hand) Oh, my God! My my turkey... turkey!"
28351,97,5,9,He runs behind the cab to try to catch up.
28352,97,5,9,"Ted (2030): So when we got to the big day, Marshall was rather depressed."
28353,97,5,9,Ted and Robin arrive at Lily and Marshall where Barney is already there.
28354,97,5,9,Robin: We brought the turkey.
28355,97,5,9,Marshall: You have brought back an old turkey replacement.Why I have not listened to the message of former mayor Ed Koch saying not to forget my business.
28356,97,5,9,"Robin Marshall, you do not understand."
28357,97,5,9,"Ted: With Robin we went to the objects found in the prefecture and there, sitting in their fridge... Is this your turkey?"
28358,97,5,9,"Marshall: Yes! It's my turkey! Come here, my beautiful little enfoirée!"
28359,97,5,9,Lily: I'll go put it in the oven.
28360,97,5,9,Marshall: You're the best friends in the world!
28361,97,5,9,Marshall takes Robin and Ted in his arms.
28362,97,5,9,Barney: It was a team effort.
28363,97,5,9,Barney is going to give them a hug but Ted pushes.
28364,97,5,9,"Marshall: I do not know what to say. It's Thanksgiving, but ""thank you"" does not seem enough."
28365,97,5,9,Ted: You have done the same for us.
28366,97,5,9,"Marshall: Yes, and you know why? Because I love you. And I'll show you how. Ted Mosby and Robin Scherbatsky, I bring you... the fourth slap."
28367,97,5,9,Barney: Wait. What?
28368,97,5,9,Ted (2030): Children Remember the slap bet to Marshall and Barney.
28369,97,5,9,Flashback
28370,97,5,9,At Ted's apartment...
28371,97,5,9,"Ted (2030): When Barney lost, Marshall has earned the right to slap Barney five times as hard as he can. Until then, he had used three. The third was issued two years ago at Thanksgiving 2007. A day was appointed... Baffegiving."
28372,97,5,9,End flashback
28373,97,5,9,Ted: You're saying...
28374,97,5,9,Robin: What you think you say?
28375,97,5,9,"Marshall: Certainly not. Unless you were thinking... ""Baffegiving two: Revenge of the lower"" in this case, yes, that's what I'm saying!"
28376,97,5,9,Barney: The slaps are not transferable.
28377,97,5,9,Marshall: Lily is the curator of the bet.
28378,97,5,9,Lily: The slaps are transferable.
28379,97,5,9,Robin and Ted: Transferable.
28380,97,5,9,Robin: You realize that you will remain one. Are you sure you want to spend a day.
28381,97,5,9,"Marshall: Life is short. I tell myself, Baffe Diem. A rule, the slap must be given before sunset to avoid interference dinner Lily."
28382,97,5,9,Lily: And how!
28383,97,5,9,"Marshall: Two, you must decide which of you will. Three, we will attach to the chair Barney, now be called The Throne of Baffe. It fits you?"
28384,97,5,9,Lily: Awesome.
28385,97,5,9,Barney: Absolutely not!
28386,97,5,9,Ted (2030): Everything was in place for this to be the best Thanksgiving. Until...
28387,97,5,9,We rang the doorbell.
28388,97,5,9,Lily: We expect someone else?
28389,97,5,9,Ted (2030): It was someone with whom Lily had had no contact in three years.
28390,97,5,9,Lily opens the door.
28391,97,5,9,Lily: Dad?
28392,97,5,9,GENERIC
28393,97,5,9,"Ted (2030): Lily and her father, Mickey, have always had a difficult relationship."
28394,97,5,9,Flashback
28395,97,5,9,In 1998...
28396,97,5,9,Ted (2030): Mickey's dream was to invent the best game of American society. But his ideas were always weird.
28397,97,5,9,Lily Young: Doo-Dah? You missed my dance recital.
28398,97,5,9,"Mickey: Yes, sweetie, but look! I just finished my new board game hit, ""The Merchant of Sleep in Tijuana."""
28399,97,5,9,Lily Young: Doo-Dah? You missed my meeting gymnastics.
28400,97,5,9,"Mickey: Yes but it's good! ""Car Battery. How long can you hold?""Hey, Princess. Take that."
28401,97,5,9,He shows clips to charge car batteries.
28402,97,5,9,Lily Young: Doo-Dah? I had a nightmare.
28403,97,5,9,"Mickey: Well, just play the new game from Dad, ""There is a demon clown under the bed."""
28404,97,5,9,Lily by shouting.
28405,97,5,9,End flashback
28406,97,5,9,"Ted (2030): All his life, Mickey disappointed Lily. And she did it with, so far in 2006, when Lily went to see his grandparents."
28407,97,5,9,Flashback
28408,97,5,9,"In 2006, Marshall and Lily visit the grandparents of the latter."
28409,97,5,9,"Marshall: Rita, you are anxious... to move to Florida?"
28410,97,5,9,"Rita: Well, my dear, slight change of plan. We stay here for now."
28411,97,5,9,Grandfather was a minor setback financially.
28412,97,5,9,"Voice: The straw of my mini-juice broke! Man, hurry! What a nice surprise."
28413,97,5,9,Lily: What has happened with your apartment?
28414,97,5,9,Mickey: I had a little problem with my roommate.
28415,97,5,9,Lily: What has happened?
28416,97,5,9,Mickey: He wanted me to pay rent. It has ended badly.
28417,97,5,9,Lily: You should pay rent to live in the basement of your parents.
28418,97,5,9,Mickey: It's not my first choice. With the old schnoques up there it's a little disturbing. They do not understand the trick of the sock on the handle.
28419,97,5,9,Marshall: They surprised you with a girl?
28420,97,5,9,Mickey: In a sense.
28421,97,5,9,Grandfather soon sweetie. I go to work.
28422,97,5,9,Lily: Working? You are retired.
28423,97,5,9,Grandfather: Now that I have another mouth to feed I had to return to the mill. Where is my truss?
28424,97,5,9,Lily: You not only prevented them from moving to Florida but you obliged to rework grandfather?
28425,97,5,9,"Mickey: Just the time to share my games with my Aldrin limitless SENSAS last game ', ""Fighting dogs""."
28426,97,5,9,"Ted (2030): And Lily threw a glance at her father that Marshall had seen only a few times. A look that we all pray not to receive, his eyes ""You're dead to me."""
28427,97,5,9,End flashback
28428,97,5,9,Ted (2030): Which brings us back to Thanksgiving 2009.
28429,97,5,9,"Mickey: I brought ""The Disease""!"
28430,97,5,9,Lily he closes the door in his face.
28431,97,5,9,Lily: What is he doing here?
28432,97,5,9,Marshall: I do not know but we should bring him in and discover.
28433,97,5,9,Lily: I want to see him! Returns it!
28434,97,5,9,Lily hand in the room while Marshall will open the door.
28435,97,5,9,"Marshall: Stay there, okay? We will solve the problem."
28436,97,5,9,"Mickey: Take your time, amigo. All is well as I ""Of Diseases""!Having fun is contagious."
28437,97,5,9,Marshall closes the door.
28438,97,5,9,Robin: I hope Lily is well.
28439,97,5,9,"Ted: Me too. She speaks little, but that thing with his father gave him much trouble."
28440,97,5,9,Barney: Tell me which of you is going to slap me!
28441,97,5,9,Ted: What?
28442,97,5,9,"Barney: I die, I, here. Ted takes a chip, I jump! Robin arranges her hair, I jump! I jump all the time. It's bad for my skin. It gives me wrinkles. Wrinkles!"
28443,97,5,9,Marshall and Lily are in the room.
28444,97,5,9,"Marshall: Lily, go. It's been 3 years. This is long enough."
28445,97,5,9,Lily: The equity in my life brings me nothing but stress. It's easier that he is dead to me.
28446,97,5,9,"Marshall: I've supported when our neighbor, Mr. Sias, died in your sight."
28447,97,5,9,Flashback
28448,97,5,9,Lily comes out on the landing and his neighbor is about to go home.
28449,97,5,9,Lily: This is our journal.
28450,97,5,9,Neighbor: You will have it in 15 minutes. 20 or more. I ate a steak last night.
28451,97,5,9,End flashback
28452,97,5,9,"Marshall: And when Whitney, your maid of honor, had died in your sight."
28453,97,5,9,Flashback
28454,97,5,9,Lily prepares for her wedding.
28455,97,5,9,Robin: You're worth it!
28456,97,5,9,Female: The color is gorgeous!
28457,97,5,9,"Lily: Thank you, girls."
28458,97,5,9,Whitney: I'm not a fan of strapless.
28459,97,5,9,End flashback
28460,97,5,9,Marshall: I even understood when Mr. Park to the grocery store downstairs was dead in your eyes.
28461,97,5,9,Flashback
28462,97,5,9,Lily is in a grocery store.
28463,97,5,9,"Lily: A coffee, please. But only if it is decaf. I want to sleep tonight."
28464,97,5,9,Grocer: $ 1.50.
28465,97,5,9,Man: Coffee normal.
28466,97,5,9,Grocer: $ 1.50.
28467,97,5,9,Lily: I'm sorry. Are you sure mine is decaf? You used the same coffee.
28468,97,5,9,Grocer: I lied to him to him. Okay?
28469,97,5,9,"Lily: OK (She leaves the grocery store, coffee in hand. In his bed while sleeping Marshall)... You dirty b*st*rd! (It returns in pajamas to the grocery store) It was not decaf!"
28470,97,5,9,End flashback
28471,97,5,9,"Marshall: I've supported with these unknowns, but it's your father, okay? We can at least give him some turkey?"
28472,97,5,9,Lily: No.
28473,97,5,9,"Marshall: Go. Please, I can not ask him to leave at Thanksgiving."
28474,97,5,9,"Lily: You did not ask. Tell him it's just important that it is here. In less than two, it will be a games convention in Toledo, to give money to your dental apparatus in a so-called Milton Bradley."
28475,97,5,9,Marshall: He was trying to earn money to feed his family.
28476,97,5,9,"Lily: No, that's what mom was doing with his two jobs. This man broke my heart every day for 20 years."
28477,97,5,9,Marshall: So we can give pieces of chicken not cooked.
28478,97,5,9,In the lobby of Marshall and Lily...
28479,97,5,9,"Ted: Seriously Robin, you should have the slap. You're a big baffeuse. In fact, I want to study the slaps in your tutoring. I wanna be your apprentice-slap."
28480,97,5,9,Robin: Do not underestimate. You're a rock star of slaps. Your name should be Eric Baffe-PTON.
28481,97,5,9,Barney: This is torture. Put me in the chair...
28482,97,5,9,Ted: The Throne of Baffe.
28483,97,5,9,Barney: And finish it!
28484,97,5,9,Robin: It's all yours.
28485,97,5,9,"Ted: No. To you, I insist."
28486,97,5,9,"Robin: Okay, I will."
28487,97,5,9,"Ted: Great. Wait, what?"
28488,97,5,9,Robin: I say I'll slap.
28489,97,5,9,"Ted: What, so it's... the end of the discussion?"
28490,97,5,9,Robin: You said I could slap.
28491,97,5,9,"Ted: I was polite. If someone will slap, it will be me."
28492,97,5,9,"Robin: No, not at all."
28493,97,5,9,Barney: This is interesting.
28494,97,5,9,
28495,97,5,9,In the room of Marshall and Lily...
28496,97,5,9,Marshall: It's your family. And I'm sorry but we do not separate the family.
28497,97,5,9,"Lily: It's easy for you to say that, you come to the family the most ridiculously close to the world."
28498,97,5,9,Marshall: It is not ridiculously close.
28499,97,5,9,Lily: Really? And the Eriksen family dinner every Sunday?
28500,97,5,9,Flashback
28501,97,5,9,"Marshall's parents, the family is at the table."
28502,97,5,9,"Father: Everything looks delicious, mom Eriksen."
28503,97,5,9,"Mother: Thank you, daddy bear. Marshall, will you say grace?"
28504,97,5,9,"Marshall, in video on the computer: Well, I would be happy, Mom. Everyone, please, give your hands. Dear Lord..."
28505,97,5,9,End flashback
28506,97,5,9,Lily: I'm sorry but it's weird.
28507,97,5,9,Marshall: A family must be close like that. And I want our future family is. And that includes your father.
28508,97,5,9,"Lily: I can not believe you take her part. Let me be clear. This man will never set foot in this house, ever!"
28509,97,5,9,Marshall opens the door.
28510,97,5,9,Marshall: It will take about 5 minutes.
28511,97,5,9,"Mickey, sitting on the floor: I hope it's soon. I lose the war against hemorrhoids."
28512,97,5,9,Marshall: It's a disease?
28513,97,5,9,Mickey: No.
28514,97,5,9,He closes the door. Then leaves the room to join Lily.
28515,97,5,9,"Robin: We have one hour before sunset, and none of us baffera Barney."
28516,97,5,9,Ted: Let me do it. It was my idea to call the objects found in the prefecture.
28517,97,5,9,Barney: It's a good point. Rebuttal?
28518,97,5,9,Robin: I slipped a note of the type 20!
28519,97,5,9,Barney: philosophical riddle. Idea against execution. Itemize your arguments.
28520,97,5,9,Ted: I brought this large turkey so far.
28521,97,5,9,Robin: I paid the taxi.
28522,97,5,9,Ted: You've slept with one of my best friends!
28523,97,5,9,Robin: What? You said it was fine.
28524,97,5,9,"Ted: Well, no!"
28525,97,5,9,Robin: Why did not you say anything?
28526,97,5,9,Ted: Because I love you always!
28527,97,5,9,Robin: You really want to slap Barney the point of lying and pretending to be in love with me?
28528,97,5,9,Ted: I really want to slap!
28529,97,5,9,Lily brings the turkey on the table.
28530,97,5,9,"Marshall: Your father has made mistakes in the past, but it has changed. He moved out of your grandparents. He has a job. He pays his taxes."
28531,97,5,9,"Lily: Wait, how you know all this?"
28532,97,5,9,"Marshall: Gender, body language. Okay, we had a drink last week."
28533,97,5,9,Flashback
28534,97,5,9,Marshall is with McLaren's Lily's father.
28535,97,5,9,Mickey: I miss her so much. My little princess. She talks about me?
28536,97,5,9,"Marshall: Yeah, kind, all the time. She tells this story all the time..."
28537,97,5,9,Mickey: Never?
28538,97,5,9,"Marshall: No, not a word. But that does not have to be like that.We can fix that, right?"
28539,97,5,9,"Mickey: I always thought it would arrange the marriage. I even wrote a speech. But hey, not invited '. Thin, I have not even seen the wedding photo."
28540,97,5,9,"Marshall: And right before my eyes, your father broke down in tears. (Actually, it's Marshall who starts crying) Stop it! You come to Thanksgiving!"
28541,97,5,9,End flashback
28542,97,5,9,Lily: You've invited?!
28543,97,5,9,"Marshall: The poor man was sobbing. What could I do? A fool and called him a girl, what I found unjustified."
28544,97,5,9,Lily: I do not believe you. What gives you the right to do that?
28545,97,5,9,Marshall: You and I are married. So it is also part of my family.(Marshall will open the door for the third time) Enter.
28546,97,5,9,Lily left the apartment.
28547,97,5,9,"Robin, Marshall, Ted and Mickey playing a game of it."
28548,97,5,9,"Mickey: Ted, you should play quickly. Your gallbladder is about to explode."
28549,97,5,9,Marshall: It must be half an hour. We should get Lily.
28550,97,5,9,Mickey: You have to let it calm down. Finish the game.
28551,97,5,9,Barney: Repeat-a. The first seven!
28552,97,5,9,Ted: Robin sh1t! I knew Barney first. This is for me to slap.
28553,97,5,9,"Robin: This slap is mine, Mosby. I never slap Barney... above the belt."
28554,97,5,9,Ted: I want to slap Barney since I met him!
28555,97,5,9,Robin: And I would not slap?
28556,97,5,9,"Ted: One second. This slap was supposed to be a wonderful thing, a gift, and it has turned against each other."
28557,97,5,9,"Robin: My God, you're right. This fruit has changed in immaculate slap-poisoned apple. You know what? Seriously, do it."
28558,97,5,9,Ted: Are you sure?
28559,97,5,9,Robin: Baffe-solument.
28560,97,5,9,Marshall: We should really get Lily.
28561,97,5,9,"Mickey: Ted, gall bladder about to fart."
28562,97,5,9,"Ted: It's decided. Barney, go. Come on the throne."
28563,97,5,9,Barney: You're gonna...
28564,97,5,9,Ted: Yep. Go.
28565,97,5,9,"Barney: I guess this is the best choice, Robin. Finally... the men are stronger than women."
28566,97,5,9,"Barney is on ""the throne""."
28567,97,5,9,Ted: Do not listen. It's decided.
28568,97,5,9,"Barney: And that's what you always wanted, is not it? A strong man to take care of you? Of course, teenager, you were a feisty, playing hockey with the boys, you skinned your knees on the ice. But what you could say to your teammates... or even to yourself... that is all you really wanted was this pretty white dress in this beautiful white chapel. And at the end of the aisle strewn with pretty white flowers, a man to take care of all your slaps."
28569,97,5,9,Robin: Leads to me!
28570,97,5,9,Ted holds it.
28571,97,5,9,"Ted: Robin! Pull yourself together! (The timer sounds and ""something sprung from the game) What just happened?"
28572,97,5,9,"Mickey: Sorry, Ted. Explosion of the gallbladder. You stand back 3 spaces."
28573,97,5,9,Marshall: You come here and you watch your daughter go without care. And now you destroy the Thanksgiving dinner! Lily is on it since this morning!
28574,97,5,9,Mickey: Relax. This is not true of bile. It is of Chinese painting to lead. And bile horse.
28575,97,5,9,"Ted (2030): And at that time, Marshall is launching a look at Mickey none of us had ever seen."
28576,97,5,9,Mickey: What is it? It does what?
28577,97,5,9,Ted: You have swallowed this painting?
28578,97,5,9,"Marshall: This is my look ""you're dead to me."""
28579,97,5,9,"Mickey: Yeah, Lily does it better..."
28580,97,5,9,Marshall: Get out of my house!
28581,97,5,9,Marshall finds Lily at the grocery store.
28582,97,5,9,"Marshall: In Mr. Park... I was not expecting to find you here. Lily, I'm sorry. Just let me express myself. I thought the family was right but it's wrong. It is a privilege, and it deserves it. I put your father out. And I promise you, baby, I do... you never force her to see him again. (Lily starts to cry) What? Baby, what has happened?"
28583,97,5,9,"Lily: Marshall, I came here because I was cold and it was the only place that was open. I would not even look at Mr. Park in the eye. And then I discovered that... Mr. Park's death. He really died for me. And if I feel so bad to have never forgiven Mr. Park, a guy who literally did not mean anything to me? We have to get my father."
28584,97,5,9,Marshall takes off his coat and gave it to Lily.
28585,97,5,9,"Ted (2030): And that's the way to Thanksgiving 2009, your aunt Lily was a miracle. (Lily and Marshall arrive at the door of their apartment, when Mickey's father, Lily, was released. She throws herself into his arms) It has brought a man to life."
28586,97,5,9,"Entire band, and the father of Lily are at the table."
28587,97,5,9,"Marshall, tapping on a glass: Everyone. Before we begin, Barney, we'll need you on the throne of Baffe."
28588,97,5,9,"Barney: Commissioner of the bet-Baffe, tie me to the chair is a violation..."
28589,97,5,9,"Lily: Less talking shop, more slaps."
28590,97,5,9,Marshall: You just 2 minutes. You decided which of you will be entitled to a slap in the face to Barney?
28591,97,5,9,"It attaches to Barney ""Throne""."
28592,97,5,9,Robin: It's gonna be Ted.
28593,97,5,9,Ted: What? Why me?
28594,97,5,9,"Robin: Last year you were abandoned at the altar. You lost your job. You did so along way. I am so proud of you, Ted. You deserve to slap someone in the face as hard as you can."
28595,97,5,9,Ted: Thank you.
28596,97,5,9,Barney: This is the worst.
28597,97,5,9,Ted gets up and is about to slap Barney when he stops.
28598,97,5,9,"Ted: You just go through a break... and even though I know that you and Barney are remained on good terms, there is not a part of you, well hidden that wants to slap in the face?"
28599,97,5,9,Robin: Yes
28600,97,5,9,Ted: I know.
28601,97,5,9,Barney: It's downright hell.
28602,97,5,9,Ted and Robin hug.
28603,97,5,9,Ted: Okay.
28604,97,5,9,Robin is about to slap...
28605,97,5,9,Barney: It hurts!
28606,97,5,9,"Robin: I can not do it. I can not take that away from you, Ted."
28607,97,5,9,Ted: I do not either.
28608,97,5,9,Barney: thank you God.
28609,97,5,9,"Robin: So, I want to move. Mickey?"
28610,97,5,9,Barney: No way!
28611,97,5,9,"Robin: I'm glad you and Lily try to fix things. You want to welcome into our family, I would like to offer you the slap."
28612,97,5,9,"Mickey: Really? It's a bit weird for me, I just met Barney and I have nothing against him but how many times have we a chance to slap someone in the face?"
28613,97,5,9,It stretches and then...
28614,97,5,9,Barney: Gently!
28615,97,5,9,Mickey: I'm sorry. I can not do it.
28616,97,5,9,Barney: thank you God.
28617,97,5,9,Mickey: I know I have not been a good father.
28618,97,5,9,Barney: You're kidding me.
28619,97,5,9,"Mickey: So for all dance recitals that I missed, for all the art exhibitions that I should attend... for the wedding that I was not able to offer you... I give you, to you This slap."
28620,97,5,9,"Barney: No. No, no, no, no. It is the Commissioner of the bet-Baffe. It must remain impartial!"
28621,97,5,9,Lily: The Commissioner of the bet-Baffe says it's good.
28622,97,5,9,Barney: It's not good. Please... Let me...
28623,97,5,9,Lily: Close your eyes. It will soon be over.
28624,97,5,9,It warms the hand and stops.
28625,97,5,9,Barney: I'm running in a meadow.
28626,97,5,9,Lily: I can not do it. Why I can not do it?
28627,97,5,9,Marshall: Because... the slap did exactly what I hoped. It brought us together. And it forced us to recognize the weakness and at the same time the greatness in ourselves and in others.
28628,97,5,9,Barney: Stop your bullshit.
28629,97,5,9,Marshall: And so... there will not slap... of... today.
28630,97,5,9,"It separates the Barney ""Throne""."
28631,97,5,9,Barney: This is the best Thanksgiving...
28632,97,5,9,"Barney and Marshall gets up the slap, knocking him to the ground."
28633,97,5,9,Marshall: 4! So the turkey?
28634,97,5,9,"Voices: A new home Aldrin Games, is... The Bet-Baffe! The game of happy slaps which is a box. (Children are playing, and a little boy slap a girl, then they laugh) You got slap. Right in the face, my friend... For children of all ages. You got slap. It really happened... Everyone saw! Everyone laughed and applauded because it was great..."
28635,97,5,9,Boy: I won!
28636,97,5,9,"Voice:... The way you got yourself slap. Baffez you like crazy with the Pari-Baffe, Aldrin in a carton. No child was slap while filming the ad."
28637,98,5,10,Ted's apartment
28638,98,5,10,"Marshall: Well, I received another."
28639,98,5,10,Robin: What's there in the box? What there was in the boiiite?What there was in the boiiiiiite?! What there was in the boiiiiiiite?! Not bad eh? Nothing. I'm the idiot huh? What there was in the box?
28640,98,5,10,"Ted: Since Lily and Marshall have their apartment, her mother keeps sending him old things she wants to get rid."
28641,98,5,10,"Marshall: Well done 'man, right on target this time. I really needed the right arm of Himan, and this old book of Mad Libs.Pet went to fart to fart loud. This is good. Thank you 'man."
28642,98,5,10,The phone rings and Ted wins.
28643,98,5,10,Ted: Hello?
28644,98,5,10,Older woman: Ted Mosby?
28645,98,5,10,Ted: Yes.
28646,98,5,10,Elderly Woman: The window is open.
28647,98,5,10,Ted: What?
28648,98,5,10,Elderly Woman: The window is open.
28649,98,5,10,Ted: The window is open.
28650,98,5,10,"Marshall: What are you waiting for? Ted, run!"
28651,98,5,10,Ted puts his jacket over and out of the apartment.
28652,98,5,10,"Ted: Lily, the window is open. Fight your way, watercourse Ted, run!"
28653,98,5,10,He runs and then arrives at an apartment where a young woman comes out.
28654,98,5,10,Woman: Ted?
28655,98,5,10,"Ted: Hey, Maggie. I was just, you know, hmm... How are you?"
28656,98,5,10,"Maggie: I think I'm fine. Actually no, I'm not well. I just broke up with my boyfriend."
28657,98,5,10,"Ted: Oh, sorry for you. Wanna go out tonight?"
28658,98,5,10,"Maggie: Yes, of course."
28659,98,5,10,GENERIC
28660,98,5,10,The band is at McLaren's.
28661,98,5,10,"Marshall: Come on, tell me that happened to you on time?"
28662,98,5,10,Ted: I arrived!
28663,98,5,10,Robin: What's happening? What is this window?
28664,98,5,10,"Ted: You see how everyone knows a person, and whatever happens, this person is perfect for you."
28665,98,5,10,Robin: My cats.
28666,98,5,10,Marshall: Lily.
28667,98,5,10,Barney: That girl over there.
28668,98,5,10,Ted: Well this girl was and still is Maggie Wilks.
28669,98,5,10,"Marshall: We went to college together, she's great. Everybody liked him."
28670,98,5,10,Barney: Oh I know what we do here. Tell me when it stops.
28671,98,5,10,Ted: It was not the fact that Maggie was good. It was the...
28672,98,5,10,Marshall: It was the perfect girl next door.
28673,98,5,10,"Ted: It was the perfect girl next door. And still is. All the guys who meet Maggie fall madly in love with her. And that's the problem. Since I know her, she has been single for only three short windows of time."
28674,98,5,10,Flashback
28675,98,5,10,Ted goes to Maggie.
28676,98,5,10,"Ted: When she moved here and broke up with her boyfriend in college, I waited one month, not to go for the spare wheel. And the spare wheel well, he stayed two years. After their breakup, I have waited a week. Late again. She stayed with guys for 3 years."
28677,98,5,10,End flashback
28678,98,5,10,"Ted: The third time, I was super fast. I got not even one hour after their breakup. The only thing she has made between the break and I arrived, it's down to her mail."
28679,98,5,10,Flashback
28680,98,5,10,"Ted: Late again. And she went out with him four years. I would not let me have it again. So I begged her neighbor, Ms. Doglas, call me when she and David have broken loose."
28681,98,5,10,End flashback
28682,98,5,10,"Ted: And now, a single and Maggie is available along the way to this bar right now. I made him take a taxi with a woman driver for there is no interaction with a man, so far."
28683,98,5,10,"Barney: Even when I arrived here, she still will not touch with a man. I feel good tonight, this evening will be well."
28684,98,5,10,"Marshall: This is my overalls. I wore this little baby, during high school."
28685,98,5,10,"Robin: Hey, you were really a virgin before he met Lily."
28686,98,5,10,Marshall: It was not necessary.
28687,98,5,10,"Lily: She's right baby, if you had worn it in college, even I would not have slept with you. And if you remember, I wanted to."
28688,98,5,10,"Barney: No way, no one could sleep while wearing it. Challenge accepted. I, Barney Stinson, brilliant mind in an extraordinary body, this will overalls, and lie with a woman."
28689,98,5,10,Robin: I went out with this guy.
28690,98,5,10,"Ted: Ok, game plan Maggie arrives, a few minutes of gathering and presentation, and everyone leaves us. This is my only chance, and I will not go wrong."
28691,98,5,10,Robin: You do not give a lecture tonight?
28692,98,5,10,Ted: Damn!
28693,98,5,10,"Lily: Oh my God, good evening."
28694,98,5,10,Maggie arrives.
28695,98,5,10,"Ted: I want you to Maggie Robin, my roommate."
28696,98,5,10,Maggie: Nice to meet you.
28697,98,5,10,Robin: Likewise.
28698,98,5,10,"Ted: I completely forgot, I teach a class tonight. How would you like to come and see what happens during an architecture?"
28699,98,5,10,"Maggie: Ooh, not even a little. I'll stick with Marshall and Lily, that's fine."
28700,98,5,10,"Ted: Super. Sit down, put yourself at ease. Relaxed, everything is relaxed. Listen, you want me to find the perfect girl for you so all together, it's her. Do not let a guy to approach her. No server to take our order, clean the table, and if it ignites, I want a female firefighter to extinguish."
28701,98,5,10,Marshall: I think that emergencies are taking applications like that.
28702,98,5,10,"Ted: Marshall Good God, do what you need to keep single until my return. I pay the bill, but do not abuse."
28703,98,5,10,Ted leaves for his course.
28704,98,5,10,Marshall and Lily are in front of the toilet bar.
28705,98,5,10,Marshall: Target secure?
28706,98,5,10,Lily: Target secure.
28707,98,5,10,"Marshall: Wow, weird, pulled out all the toilets at the same time."
28708,98,5,10,Lily: Let's go to the table all together.
28709,98,5,10,"Marshall: Look at that, our table."
28710,98,5,10,"Lily, a man: Get out!"
28711,98,5,10,Barney arrives at the bar with the overalls of Marshall.
28712,98,5,10,Robin: Your challenge not interest me but you're cheating. Wear a suit under the overalls.
28713,98,5,10,"Barney: No. They are called not on the shirt, or on t-shirts for wholesale repairing the car and my mother spent some time with her top. They are called overalls, and I can relate to what I want."
28714,98,5,10,"Robin: Oh it does not tell you goodnight, he tells you how he feeds his horses. I could sit there and tell jokes Farmer on you all night. Challenge accepted."
28715,98,5,10,Ted can continue.
28716,98,5,10,"Ted: Good evening, tonight we will quickly see the different bridges. There are 6 types of bridges, small, large, with suspension and three others. You land on each side and water in the middle. See you next week."
28717,98,5,10,Student: It was a course of 1 hour.
28718,98,5,10,Ted: Who wants to hear me talk about bridges for 1 hour? (All raise their hands) Really?
28719,98,5,10,"At the bar, Marshall and Lily always watch Maggie."
28720,98,5,10,Lily: I just remembered how Ted is awesome.
28721,98,5,10,Maggie: Bizarre as drinking game.
28722,98,5,10,Barney: I offer you a drink?
28723,98,5,10,Robin: It was a big tractor 3-axis.
28724,98,5,10,Barney: What do I do?
28725,98,5,10,Architecture course Ted.
28726,98,5,10,Ted: One important thing to remember when designing a bridge.
28727,98,5,10,Student: Maggie?
28728,98,5,10,"Ted: No. Finally yes. When you design a bridge remember: ""Make Adjustments... Fetch energetically"" (""Make Ajustments Energize Go Get It"" Maggie acronym in English) Good advice in general too."
28729,98,5,10,"Student: Professor Mosby, Maggie is someone special?"
28730,98,5,10,"Ted: No, I mean it's just that girl that interests me very long time.And tonight this is my chance to get away with it."
28731,98,5,10,Student 2: It's Good?
28732,98,5,10,"Ted: Yes Jamie, she is very pretty. We can now finish the course. Betty?"
28733,98,5,10,"Betty: Maggie is finally free, but you Professor, are you ready for a serious relationship?"
28734,98,5,10,"Ted: Bluntly. I think. Perhaps. I dunno, you think what?"
28735,98,5,10,In McLaren's...
28736,98,5,10,"Marshall: Oh my God, I had totally forgotten that."
28737,98,5,10,Maggie: What is it?
28738,98,5,10,"Marshall: A duty that day of my 15 years. Write a letter to your future you with a list of things you hope to do. ""Dear Future Me..."""
28739,98,5,10,Flashback
28740,98,5,10,"In 1993, Marshall is in his room at his desk, dressed in his overalls and he writes."
28741,98,5,10,"Marshall: ""... you better drive a camaro or a super van. This is priority numero uno. And your ponytail should happen to you at the knees. You can always dunk course and change your name to ""Vanilla Thunder"". Your wife, girlfriend, 1m80, a great body and take care of yourself. """
28742,98,5,10,End flashback
28743,98,5,10,Marshall: Sorry darling.
28744,98,5,10,"Lily: No problem, you just described your mother."
28745,98,5,10,Maggie: Continuous.
28746,98,5,10,Flashback
28747,98,5,10,"Marshall: ""You still wear overalls faded because it looks torn.And more importantly, you better save the world, and if you became a poor guy then throw yourself off a cliff, because you suck. And I ""Licky boom boom down""."
28748,98,5,10,End flashback
28749,98,5,10,Lily and Maggie laughs the last sentence of Marshall.
28750,98,5,10,"Marshall: Yes that's right, it's hilarious, I became a business poor guy. I work for GNB, the bank most unhealthy existence."
28751,98,5,10,"Maggie: Oh come on Thunder vanilla, everyone should grow up and get a job."
28752,98,5,10,"Lily: I remember in college, Maggie wanted to be a marine biologist by day and tutor children in difficulty at night. What you ended up doing?"
28753,98,5,10,Maggie: These things.
28754,98,5,10,Marshall rises.
28755,98,5,10,"Lily: Baby, where you going?"
28756,98,5,10,"Marshall: I have to do something at work, it will not be long."
28757,98,5,10,Maggie: What did he?
28758,98,5,10,"Lily: Oh no, I think he'll resign. Sorry Maggie, I have to go stop him. (Lily comes out in pursuit of Marshall, leaving Maggie alone. A man turns to Maggie) Ted I had to leave the bar but it's good she is with Robin."
28759,98,5,10,Ted: You're left with Maggie Robin?
28760,98,5,10,"Robin: Relax, everything is under control."
28761,98,5,10,"Ted: You do not understand, this girl is like a magnet to men... overkill."
28762,98,5,10,Robin: I know a little something about loving to men... you see me as one of those magnets that can not put a picture of your children on the fridge. But I am one of these magnets... that can pick up cars in scrap yards...! (Robin returns to the table where she finds a man with Maggie) Who is it?
28763,98,5,10,"Maggie: Robin, this is a good friend of Jim's work."
28764,98,5,10,"Robin: Oh, well... hello you!"
28765,98,5,10,"Jim, without looking at Enchanted!"
28766,98,5,10,During Ted...
28767,98,5,10,"Ted: What does mean to be ready? I thought I was ready last year and I was left on the altar. I'll be honest. I'm scared! Ok, Luis and Betty!"
28768,98,5,10,"Luis: We're all scared, Professor Mosby."
28769,98,5,10,Betty: Do not be afraid you did not know that it's something important?
28770,98,5,10,"Ted: I mean, if you're not afraid you do not try your luck... and if you do not try your luck then... What are you doing? Not?"
28771,98,5,10,Jamie: I think you're ready buddy.
28772,98,5,10,
28773,98,5,10,"At the bar, Maggie laughs with Jim and Robin watching."
28774,98,5,10,Maggie: You're too funny!
28775,98,5,10,"Robin: Funny? I think it's hilarious. In fact, I liked so much that I think I'm pissed."
28776,98,5,10,Jim: I'd better go. I go to the first of this photo exhibition we talked about at work. I have a ticket if you want more?
28777,98,5,10,Robin: I'd love to!
28778,98,5,10,Ted is about to leave.
28779,98,5,10,"Ted: Ok, I gotta go!"
28780,98,5,10,Jamie: Just one last tip: M.A...
28781,98,5,10,All:... G.G.I.E!
28782,98,5,10,His phone rings.
28783,98,5,10,Ted: Hello?
28784,98,5,10,"Robin: Ted, change of plans!"
28785,98,5,10,She is out with Jim ready to take a taxi.
28786,98,5,10,Ted: You let him with Barney?
28787,98,5,10,"Barney: Ted, will you calm down? I'm your pal!"
28788,98,5,10,Ted: You're an animal!
28789,98,5,10,"Barney: And I know our relationship has suffered in this area, I assure you I'll be the perfect gentleman."
28790,98,5,10,"Maggie: Thank you! In fact, I love this bib!"
28791,98,5,10,"Barney: You have 10 minutes to get here, the window closes."
28792,98,5,10,Ted: 10 minutes?
28793,98,5,10,"Barney: Yeah, because we're friends!"
28794,98,5,10,Ted Short.
28795,98,5,10,"Ted (2030): While I was running through the city to return to the bar, your Aunt Robin was doing his best to keep Jim away from Maggie."
28796,98,5,10,Robin is the photo exhibition with Jim.
28797,98,5,10,"Jim: You could go to the bar, Maggie is still there?"
28798,98,5,10,"Robin: Oh, it's not possible! I love pictures of dogs ironic. You got it there with the dog Welsh dwarf who is a missionary?"
28799,98,5,10,"Jim: I'll take a taxi, I feel bad for leaving Maggie alone."
28800,98,5,10,"Robin: And if you took a glass of wine first? (It shatters his glass on it voluntarily) Oooh boy! I'm dirty, it's me! I'm just a dirty, dirty girl... that would defeat the second base with a friend of a friend.Tui love it! It's pig!"
28801,98,5,10,Jim: I'll call Maggie to see what it does.
28802,98,5,10,"Robin: Oh my God, Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. Leave her alone!Lord, she goes out with Ted tonight."
28803,98,5,10,Jim: Ted? And Devon?
28804,98,5,10,Robin: They have broken.
28805,98,5,10,Jim: Maggie is single?
28806,98,5,10,Robin: It tells me nothing!
28807,98,5,10,Jim hand and the server comes to Robin with a cloth to wipe her her dress.
28808,98,5,10,Server: I can remove it? Please?
28809,98,5,10,"Ted, always current: I hate Barney Stinson!"
28810,98,5,10,Voice: Me too!
28811,98,5,10,Ted (2030): Lily finally arrived at GNB. But the place was deserted.
28812,98,5,10,Lily Marshall is on a basketball court.
28813,98,5,10,Lily: Hey baby! I thought you came here to resign... I forgot the basket.
28814,98,5,10,"Marshall: Yeah, I thought so... so I got to do something on this list I will feel more so old so I... I came here to dunk."
28815,98,5,10,Lily: Do it helped you feel better?
28816,98,5,10,Marshall: I just touches the bottom of the net. You know my legs are so bad that I have a hard time getting approved.
28817,98,5,10,In McLaren's...
28818,98,5,10,Barney: Really...
28819,98,5,10,Ted comes running at the bar.
28820,98,5,10,Ted: How could you?
28821,98,5,10,"Barney: I'm challenged to have s*x with overalls. And if you stay on my path, then you let Barney win. And you do not want that!This place will never tell us the end of history."
28822,98,5,10,Jim: Thank God! Maggie! (Ted and Barney stops him) I love that girl.
28823,98,5,10,Ted: Put yourself on the line Bob!
28824,98,5,10,"Barney: Yeah, I'll sleep with her. After, he'll tell her he loves her.And you can do... what you want. Is there agreement on the order?"
28825,98,5,10,"Robin, Jim: Sir! You just missed... the night of your life! The night... of your life."
28826,98,5,10,Jim: I'm in love with her for 5 years!
28827,98,5,10,Ted: I'm in love with her for 12 years!
28828,98,5,10,Barney: I wear this jumpsuit since 1:30!
28829,98,5,10,Marshall and Lily are always the basketball court.
28830,98,5,10,"Lily: Maybe you can not dunk now. But you did more in 30 years that this 15 year old could have dreamed. You are a graduate of law. You had the good sense to cut you that stupid ponytail. And, you married this super bomb that is unlike any points to your mother. This entitles you to 30 cm less to dunk. (She drops a little basket) Go ahead Thunder vanilla!"
28831,98,5,10,Marshall: remote!
28832,98,5,10,"He rushes forward, touches the bottom of the net and falls."
28833,98,5,10,"Lily: Oh, Baby! And if instead of going to dunk on your desk... you allongeras and I'd put the banana oil everywhere?"
28834,98,5,10,Marshall: Sure baby. Why we would not do that here?
28835,98,5,10,Lily: Sure baby.
28836,98,5,10,"At the Bar, Ted, Barney and Jim will argue that Maggie."
28837,98,5,10,"Ted: Guys, guys, guys! We must fix that."
28838,98,5,10,Jim: We continue to negotiate until we have a very small window of opportunity.
28839,98,5,10,"Barney: Guys, let me assure you that if you let me... the window will reopen in about 10 minutes."
28840,98,5,10,"Ted: Wait, where is Maggie?"
28841,98,5,10,Robin: She's gone!
28842,98,5,10,Ted: What?
28843,98,5,10,Robin: I told him to return. You were like vultures... fighting for his carcass. Let her be single for once.
28844,98,5,10,Jim: What enfoirée!
28845,98,5,10,"Ted: Wait, she's right. Maggie deserves a little time for her.Nobody likes to be alone, especially after a break but... This is where we discover who we really are... and what you really want. She deserves it!"
28846,98,5,10,"Ted (2030): Children, I thought. That's why I'm not proud of what he was after..."
28847,98,5,10,Ted runs out followed by Jim and Barney.
28848,98,5,10,"Ted, in front of Maggie: It was after the corner!"
28849,98,5,10,He knocks on the door behind him and Jim Barney.
28850,98,5,10,"Ted: Oh, sorry, the course we had a little... Who is it?"
28851,98,5,10,"Maggie: It's Adam. It's crazy, we grew up together was not forced to see since..."
28852,98,5,10,Adam: Very long time!
28853,98,5,10,Ted (2030):... That's when Maggie told us the second most beautiful love story I heard.
28854,98,5,10,Flashback
28855,98,5,10,We see the story of Maggie and Adam take place over the years.
28856,98,5,10,End flashback
28857,98,5,10,Adam: I just moved to town and I've grown up a bit.
28858,98,5,10,Maggie: I think you have much to catch up.
28859,98,5,10,"Ted: Yeah, sure!"
28860,98,5,10,"Ted (2030): So the kids, I'm left with... the neighbor because the neighbor."
28861,98,5,10,Ted: Well... I'll see you next time!
28862,98,5,10,Ted (2030): There was never a next time. The window of Maggie never reopened.
28863,98,5,10,"Barney: Well, I found! There are bars country, ""the giddy ups"", there are tons of guys in overalls. Copilot me!"
28864,98,5,10,"Ted: I do not want the ""giddy ups."" That's what I want. I had forgotten how it felt to seeking the real thing... but I think I'm ready again."
28865,98,5,10,"Barney: Let me tell you where I am... I want to sleep with a girl in order to remove this jumpsuit. (From Ted) Go, go. You gotta help me, I have to remove this damn thing."
28866,98,5,10,Older woman: Hey you! I love your overalls!
28867,98,5,10,"At the bar, Marshall wrote a letter to him his future."
28868,98,5,10,"Marshall: Dear Marshall 60 years... Now you would work in a place that contributes to a better world. Or at least you try. No pressure man! I mean, sir. So... If time travel is possible, could you give me a little sign? Tuesday, December 8 at 8:29 p.m....."
28869,98,5,10,"Lily: Someone sent these chicken wings because they were too hot. I do... too hot, you're crazy? So chicken wings free."
28870,98,5,10,"Marshall: Old Marshall, as long as you're married to Lily you'll be fine."
28871,98,5,10,"Waitress at the old Marshall: Sir, it is for us. Sorry that the wings were so hot."
28872,98,5,10,"Old Marshall: Oh dear, it's not that they were too hot. It's just that I've ever had before. Much earlier!"
28873,99,5,11,"In 2030, Ted tells his children always to the history of the encounter with their mother."
28874,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): Children, in 2009, your Aunt Robin was the host of ""Welcome to New York."" And she was released early. How soon?"
28875,99,5,11,The cameraman sleeps standing before his camera.
28876,99,5,11,Robin: Mike? Wake up!
28877,99,5,11,Ted (2030): And then everything changed.
28878,99,5,11,Robin returned to the apartment where Ted played the console.
28879,99,5,11,Robin: Have you seen my show?
28880,99,5,11,"Ted: I wanted to watch it but I was too busy sleeping with this story. It took me all night, after 8 hours of the clock."
28881,99,5,11,"Robin: It's not serious, but listen to this! After the show..."
28882,99,5,11,Flashback
28883,99,5,11,"Robin at work, a man approaches her."
28884,99,5,11,Man: Are you Robin?
28885,99,5,11,Robin: Yes.
28886,99,5,11,"Man: I'm Don, your new co-presenter."
28887,99,5,11,Ted (2030): Don was Don Franck. A veteran of the morning shows... and a former host of 38 local programs across the country watched. This guy was a legend in the middle.
28888,99,5,11,End flashback
28889,99,5,11,"Ted: Wow, you're going you do too."
28890,99,5,11,"Robin: No, I just think it will be great both on the air."
28891,99,5,11,"Ted: And on the couch, the bed and on the coffee table."
28892,99,5,11,"Robin: Ok, ok, I'll go on the roof and stay there all alone 5 minutes."
28893,99,5,11,Ted: Have fun.
28894,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): And that's exactly what she did. She just stayed there. Okay kids, I'm a little liar with you. This is not what she did.That's what she did."
28895,99,5,11,"Robin: Okay, okay, I'll go smoke a cigarette."
28896,99,5,11,Children of Ted: What?
28897,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): I promised never to tell you. But occasionally, your Aunt Robin was enjoying a cigarette. And occasionally, the occasional cigarette. Was more than just casual."
28898,99,5,11,"Marshall, Barney and Ted entered the apartment while Robin does his gym."
28899,99,5,11,Barney: I just let something like that to my apartment.
28900,99,5,11,"Ted: Robin, going, going on the roof! We said no smoking in the apartment... after that you have set fire by the pumps."
28901,99,5,11,"Robin: Okay, very good, very good."
28902,99,5,11,"Marshall: Yeah Robin, I mean my God... not only is it a bad habit but... Do I have one?"
28903,99,5,11,Robin: Of course.
28904,99,5,11,Children of Ted: What?
28905,99,5,11,GENERIC
28906,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): Children, your Uncle Marshall would not like at all that you know that. But he also smoked from time to time."
28907,99,5,11,Flashback
28908,99,5,11,In 1991...
28909,99,5,11,Ted (2030): It started when he was 13. During an event camping in Minnesota.
28910,99,5,11,"Boy: Come on Marshall, it's Christmas! This holiday feast!"
28911,99,5,11,Marshall: But just one. This is the first and the last cigarette of my life.
28912,99,5,11,In 2006...
28913,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): And this was the first of many, many cigarettes last of his life."
28914,99,5,11,"Marshall: Okay, I'm done, I Quit!"
28915,99,5,11,In 2007 and 2008...
28916,99,5,11,Marshall:... last cigarette... my life.
28917,99,5,11,End flashback
28918,99,5,11,Ted (2030): And then what I had heard many times before.
28919,99,5,11,Marshall: last cigarette of my life.
28920,99,5,11,"Ted: What are you doing, you have not smoked in 6 months. Is it about ""MacGrib""? It closed guy, forget it."
28921,99,5,11,"Marshall: I'm worried about work, ok? They just hired a new chief legal department... and it will turn people."
28922,99,5,11,Ted: So that's why you're worried?
28923,99,5,11,Barney: The new head of legal department is Hobes Arthur.
28924,99,5,11,Ted: Is Arthur artillery? Your former leader.
28925,99,5,11,Ted (2030): Arthur Hobes is the worst leaders as Marshall or anyone have had. The last time Marshall had worked for him... it ended like that.
28926,99,5,11,Flashback
28927,99,5,11,Marshall: I quit!
28928,99,5,11,End flashback
28929,99,5,11,Ted: Is it always rebounded against you?
28930,99,5,11,Marshall: Worse!
28931,99,5,11,Flashback
28932,99,5,11,"Arthur: Sorry, who are you?"
28933,99,5,11,"Marshall: I have Marshall Eriksen. We had a pretty intense argument. As I've suggested that you take your head and you put yourself in the..., inside you. At a place that could reduce its exposure to the sun."
28934,99,5,11,"Arthur: Yeah, that describes 95% of my employees and my family. Except my dog. It's such a good boy. Well, I'll see you later... um Rendal Rilgurson."
28935,99,5,11,Marshall: Marshall Eriksen.
28936,99,5,11,"Arthur: The film Gary Taker, right?"
28937,99,5,11,End flashback
28938,99,5,11,"Ted: Wow, he not remember you."
28939,99,5,11,"Barney: Not great, it does not matter that Arthur Hobes not like Marshall, he loves no one. It is the people he knows that he has to separate. He just fired, ""What's his head? ""."
28940,99,5,11,"Marshall: It turned 'What is his head? ""Ted! And ""What's his head? ""Was priceless."
28941,99,5,11,"Ted: Look, I understand you to be upset but this is not a reason to kill you."
28942,99,5,11,"Barney: Yeah, after you turn'm doing... then you can kill you. As ""What is his head? "". Now I think it is, where is his head?"
28943,99,5,11,"Marshall: Look, it's just two cigarettes. Ok, I can collect 2. As it is not 3 within 24hrs I replongerai yet."
28944,99,5,11,Ted: What will Lily say when you learn that you smoked?
28945,99,5,11,Marshall: Lily did not discover. I have a system.
28946,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): Oh, yes, the system of Marshall."
28947,99,5,11,Flashback
28948,99,5,11,He smokes and then wash thoroughly and put the perfume.
28949,99,5,11,"Marshall: Well, Lil '!"
28950,99,5,11,Lily: You got smoked!
28951,99,5,11,Marshall: Damn!
28952,99,5,11,End flashback
28953,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): The next morning, your Aunt Robin was finally launched. She finally went on air with a real pro."
28954,99,5,11,Mike: In 3... 2... 1...
28955,99,5,11,"Robin: Hello, I'm Robin Scherbatsky!"
28956,99,5,11,"Don: And I'm Don... Frank! Two teenagers were arrested yesterday for stealing a police truck. No, I'm sorry not a cart, a police car. Damn! Brain fart! You with me? Oh, look at the teleprompter is still running. Something about a woman giving birth... on a bus. Well, we will not resume in the middle, we'll wait until the end. And, she cut the cord with a metro ticket. We come back! And it's good!"
28957,99,5,11,"Robin: But what was that? Don, you said Pet brain!"
28958,99,5,11,"Don: Robin, you're a bit like a nice kid but this is my 39th local newspaper. And all this time I learned three things: prevention of all sushi restaurants at will before work. Do not go to the bathroom while you're still on the air. And 3: at this time, all your audience... it's a guy who is half drunk and in his underwear."
28959,99,5,11,Mike: Back in 5... 4...
28960,99,5,11,"Robin: Well, let a good program for what is half drunk."
28961,99,5,11,Don: The guy in half drunk thank you.
28962,99,5,11,He gets up... without pants.
28963,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): The next day, Marshall was so crave a cigarette it made him mad. So he decided to take a little air."
28964,99,5,11,Marshall out on the roof where his boss is already there.
28965,99,5,11,"Arthur: Oh, no! You're not here to jump, does not it? I have turned many people today... and I would not do another jump ruin my record. Oh, cigarettes?"
28966,99,5,11,"Marshall: No, no thank you!"
28967,99,5,11,Arthur: Too bad! Geoffrey you know why I miss? We used to smoke. People are now replaceable. But you share a cigarette with someone and you have a real link.
28968,99,5,11,Marshall: You know what? I'll take one.
28969,99,5,11,Arthur: Ok!
28970,99,5,11,"Marshall: Marshall I am aware. It was Marshall, Marshall Eriksen."
28971,99,5,11,Arthur: Tell me something Marshall Eriksen. Would you like to see a photo of the cutest dogs in the world? Good boy!
28972,99,5,11,Marshall and Lily goes home is on the couch to read.
28973,99,5,11,Marshall: Hey!
28974,99,5,11,Lily: You got smoked!
28975,99,5,11,"Marshall: Yes, I smoked! And it was my third day. You know what that means? I'm a smoker now. Everything is ruined. I bought a packet coming back, and a lighter... and a Viking lamp that has nothing to do, but I saw in the window and I liked it."
28976,99,5,11,Lily: Damn Marshall. It has four lamps and Viking smoking kills.
28977,99,5,11,"Marshall: It was to create a link with my boss, you should have seen me up there."
28978,99,5,11,Flashback
28979,99,5,11,Marshall: It's a beautiful dog. And it is your children?
28980,99,5,11,"Chief: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey, hey, look what I got at the supermarket! (He shows his t-shirt under his shirt) he is! There he is! Go ahead, pet him now! Yeah, go! He loves it. Caress her chin!"
28981,99,5,11,End flashback
28982,99,5,11,"Lily: I do not care about your reasons, you know what I think of smoking. Now give me the cigarettes! And the lighter. (Lily lights a cigarette) Aaah, that thing!"
28983,99,5,11,Children of Ted: What!
28984,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): Oh yes, add your aunt Lily in the list! While your Uncle Marshall has relapsed, your aunt Lily has been trained with him."
28985,99,5,11,Robin is at work.
28986,99,5,11,Don: What are you doing?
28987,99,5,11,Robin: You should know that I tried to contact the town hall so we could get the mayor on the show.
28988,99,5,11,"Don: My God, you are adorable. The mayor does not come in emissions that no one is watching. My colonoscopy was more viewership. It was well twisted I admit."
28989,99,5,11,"Robin: I do not know why you act like that. Maybe you've never had a better job offer, but I still can, so I really want to focus."
28990,99,5,11,Don: I've already spent on the cable.
28991,99,5,11,Robin: You're already past the cable?
28992,99,5,11,"Don: It was the best weekend of my life. When you do the newspaper, you're sitting on ergonomic seats, you feel like sitting on a cloud, which was good also because it was just after my colonoscopy. And the locker room, wow."
28993,99,5,11,Mike: There are changing rooms?
28994,99,5,11,"Don: Oh yes there was the break, Mike. We will not change in the toilets of KFC on the other side of the street. Oh no. It was heaven. But once you get used to, they will not care at the door to find someone who is not undergoing divorce, or who is not addicted to gin. And before you know it, you find yourself in a dead end, surrounded by people who are going nowhere in their careers, making these programs in their underwear."
28995,99,5,11,"Robin: ok, the trick underwear was your choice. And I would not keep that going."
28996,99,5,11,Don: You are beautiful guys. It's comfortable eh?
28997,99,5,11,
28998,99,5,11,"Lily, Marshall and Robin were in the street and smoke."
28999,99,5,11,"Robin: I want to kill him, of course people watching this show.You look at her. My God, you still have not seen the program."
29000,99,5,11,Lily: We saw.
29001,99,5,11,Robin: Really? What color is the decor?
29002,99,5,11,"Marshall: It's black, or silver."
29003,99,5,11,"Robin: Not your TV, the decor of my show. If my best friends do not watch, will watch it..."
29004,99,5,11,"Marshall: A lot of people... Bedrin the insomniac, who portrays Blongs front of department stores. People to the emergency room where the TV is in a cage, and you can not change channels."
29005,99,5,11,Robin: You have film crews?
29006,99,5,11,Ted is with McLaren's Barney.
29007,99,5,11,"Ted: I can not believe they're smoking outside, it's really cold."
29008,99,5,11,Barney: Do you remember when you could smoke in bars?
29009,99,5,11,Flashback
29010,99,5,11,The bar is filled with smoke.
29011,99,5,11,Ted: I think there's a pretty girl smiling at me there.
29012,99,5,11,"Barney: Hey, this is a chair, but go ahead and drag it."
29013,99,5,11,Ted: Guys?
29014,99,5,11,Marshall: Marco?
29015,99,5,11,Ted and Barney: Polo!
29016,99,5,11,End flashback
29017,99,5,11,"Ted: Our group is divided into smokers and nonsmokers, and it's great."
29018,99,5,11,Barney: You're right. Going for a smoke.
29019,99,5,11,Children of Ted: What?
29020,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): Yes, I'm not proud."
29021,99,5,11,"Robin: Hey you two, smoking, like us."
29022,99,5,11,"Barney: I'm not a smoker. I do not smoke on certain occasions.After s*x, when I'm with German, sometimes both at the same time. During s*x, for birthdays, to annoy my mother, just before s*x, on a sailboat. The day the mentor MC mailly eliminated each year, and of course... wait, because God knows it's true: fear of pregnancy."
29023,99,5,11,Ted: And why you smoke there?
29024,99,5,11,Barney: I'm always on the verge of sleep Ted.
29025,99,5,11,"Lily: Maybe that smoking is not so bad, at least it is outdoors."
29026,99,5,11,Barney: And my abs muscle nicotine. I... am... muscular.
29027,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): As glamorous as it might be, we all cracked after one week."
29028,99,5,11,Marshall and Lily sleeps coughing.
29029,99,5,11,"Marshall: It's alright, darling?"
29030,99,5,11,"Lily, with a deep voice: Actually, my throat is a little dry."
29031,99,5,11,"Ted climbs stairs and three packets later, he is totally out of breath. Barney discovers a cigarette hole in his tie."
29032,99,5,11,Marshall and on the roof with his boss.
29033,99,5,11,"Arthur: So I teased him a little with the newspaper like that, and my wife said, you can not treat your son as well. Michael calls for help."
29034,99,5,11,It falls on the roof.
29035,99,5,11,"Marshall: Yes, right away, and me is Marshall."
29036,99,5,11,"Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall are on the roof of the apartment to smoke."
29037,99,5,11,"Barney: My God, I hope that Arthur is well. I reserve her office in case."
29038,99,5,11,Ted: We must stop smoking.
29039,99,5,11,"Lily, with a deep voice: Baby, you said it was going."
29040,99,5,11,"Marshall: I would never have started. I finally revisit in 13 years, if I could go back. (Young Marshall went camping with a buddy and they smoke. Older Marshall arrives and pat the hand of young Marshall to drop the cigarette. It gives him a punch in the stomach) I hate that little b*st*rd."
29041,99,5,11,Lily: Me too.
29042,99,5,11,"Ted: Ok it's good, we stop."
29043,99,5,11,"Marshall: Yes, we stop."
29044,99,5,11,"Marshall, Lily and Ted put out the cigarette. Only Barney keeps his."
29045,99,5,11,"Barney: I'm proud of you guys. I heard how it was difficult to stop smoking for as you, then the part of non-smokers, I tell you hat, so give me your cigarettes and I rid, one at a time."
29046,99,5,11,"Lily: You stop my chick. (She removes the cigarette from his hands) I know I did not call you chick normally, but it does with that voice. Chick."
29047,99,5,11,"Robin: Guys, I wonder, you also are interviewing the mayor tomorrow, or it just me? Don was in the teeth, while I'm smoking a. Lighter Marshall."
29048,99,5,11,"Marshall: Actually, we all decided to stop."
29049,99,5,11,"Robin: Fantastic, I was fed up that you piquiez me my smokes constantly."
29050,99,5,11,"Ted: Robin, we must do together."
29051,99,5,11,Robin: No.
29052,99,5,11,Lily: You can sleep with Marshall.
29053,99,5,11,"Marshall: Lily God, no."
29054,99,5,11,"Lily: Sorry darling, that's for the team."
29055,99,5,11,Robin: I do not want to have s*x with Marshall.
29056,99,5,11,Marshall: Sure.
29057,99,5,11,"Robin: I can not stop now, not before the most important interview of my life. It's too stressful."
29058,99,5,11,Barney: It's too stressful!
29059,99,5,11,Marshall: Just one.
29060,99,5,11,Lily: Give a cigarette!
29061,99,5,11,"Ted: Damn Robin, think about it a moment, Blue Bug is the mayor anti cigarette. You really want to go to the interview smelling cigarettes? It's like interviewing a feeling the vegetarian steak."
29062,99,5,11,"Marshall: Really, it's hard enough like that?"
29063,99,5,11,Ted: You stop! It all stops.
29064,99,5,11,"Robin: Ok, I stop."
29065,99,5,11,Ted: We should just spend the first 24 hours after a piece of cake.
29066,99,5,11,"26 hours later... Lily, Marshall, Ted and Barney are at the bar and the table is filled with food."
29067,99,5,11,Lily: Barney stops eating your fingers.
29068,99,5,11,"Barney: I do not bite my nails, I try to suck the rest of nicotine on my fingers."
29069,99,5,11,Ted: Marshall pass me your plate.
29070,99,5,11,"Marshall: What, you're a dinosaur?"
29071,99,5,11,Barney: What do cigarettes now? You believe they think of us?
29072,99,5,11,"Ted: Dude, if you do not stop moving your feet, I'll tear it off."
29073,99,5,11,"Marshall: Oh Ted, I'm sorry, maybe I should move closer to your ass!"
29074,99,5,11,Ted: Ok we'll do it now!
29075,99,5,11,Ted (2030): Nobody knew why we fight. We just knew we wanted to smoke more than anything. It was not great for Robin either.
29076,99,5,11,"Don, who arrive without pants: Sorry I'm late. Someone used the microwave, and I got stuck in the elevator. What are you doing?"
29077,99,5,11,"Robin Don, seriously, not tonight. I'm on my nerves, because I had quit smoking for the interview the mayor."
29078,99,5,11,"Don: Oh my little princess porcelain, why would you do that?"
29079,99,5,11,"Robin: Why? Because it is important to Don, the issue is important and my career. Not like you, you incompetent. You're boring, you are bad, and I want you to work at least as hard as the elastic of your underwear."
29080,99,5,11,Don: I begin to believe that it becomes personal.
29081,99,5,11,"Robin: No gift, it would become personal if I told you that just because you pass emission issue, it's because you're losing. A loser lazy and obnoxious."
29082,99,5,11,Don: The mayor canceled.
29083,99,5,11,Mike: 5... 4... 3... 2...
29084,99,5,11,"Robin: Hello, this is Robin Scherbatsky."
29085,99,5,11,"Don: You think I'm a loser? You're right, I'm a but at least I accept it."
29086,99,5,11,Robin: A raccoon has bitten a patient in a nursing home.
29087,99,5,11,"Don: I was like you at first, I always wanted more, and I had nothing. This is a dead Robin, you'll never be a superstar of television. Since you never stop smoking."
29088,99,5,11,Robin: What are you doing?
29089,99,5,11,Don: I like my cigarette. Oh that's good. Want a latte?
29090,99,5,11,Robin: You can be professional?
29091,99,5,11,"Don: Yes professional, you know who holds the camera? A chair, even the cameraman is not looking our show and that's why the mayor has canceled. And Mike went to fast food, and that you and I can enjoy a cigarette here."
29092,99,5,11,Robin: No thank you.
29093,99,5,11,"Don: Why? Because there are millions of viewers? If viewers are problems with this, call us at the number on the screen: 212-555-0192. Go robin, appreciate life a little. (She takes the cigarette when the phone rings) It must be Mike, he always forgets to take them into extra-crunchy."
29094,99,5,11,"Marshall: Robin, do not smoke this cigarette."
29095,99,5,11,Robin: Marshall?
29096,99,5,11,"Marshall: They look at you all, we are all impressed and if you smoke this cigarette, we shall return it to us too."
29097,99,5,11,Robin: You watch the show?
29098,99,5,11,"Lily: Yes sweetie, and you are very pretty."
29099,99,5,11,Robin: Oh guys.
29100,99,5,11,"Ted: You do not have to do that, you do not need to smoke."
29101,99,5,11,Lily: Resists sweetie!
29102,99,5,11,Robin: Thanks for calling friends.
29103,99,5,11,She puts the cigarette in the cup of Don and it ignites.
29104,99,5,11,Marshall: She did!
29105,99,5,11,Ted: Good for her.
29106,99,5,11,Lily: We will not smoke.
29107,99,5,11,Barney: I have a hiding on the roof.
29108,99,5,11,They get up and go on the roof. Robin arrives.
29109,99,5,11,"Barney: Oh, I woke up and I smoke. Robin, you know how it's dangerous to wake a smoker sleeps."
29110,99,5,11,Robin: I bought a packet on the way home.
29111,99,5,11,Marshall: Robin Good show.
29112,99,5,11,Lily: And this guy So what con.
29113,99,5,11,Robin: He ended up apologizing.
29114,99,5,11,"Lily: When he got up, the forms were more revealing, you should go out with him."
29115,99,5,11,Robin: We believe in it all.
29116,99,5,11,Ted (2030): They went out together three months later. But we will come back.
29117,99,5,11,"Ted: Well look, the sun rises."
29118,99,5,11,Robin: You know it's the perfect time there. For one last cigarette. The real last.
29119,99,5,11,"Barney: Come on, let's do it."
29120,99,5,11,Marshall: The last three.
29121,99,5,11,Ted: A...
29122,99,5,11,Lily:... two...
29123,99,5,11,Robin:... three.
29124,99,5,11,"Ted (2030): We all stopped for a while after that. But this was not the last, even though we ended up really stop. Robin was arrested in June 2013. Barney in March 2017. Lily stopped from the moment she wanted to get pregnant. Marshall stopped when it was Dad. And my last two weeks before I met your mother, and I did most affected."
29125,99,5,11,Marshall will see Marshall in his young day camping with her boyfriend. Buddy runs away when he saw Marshall get older.
29126,99,5,11,Marshall: Sorry to have hit my friend. I want to redeem myself by giving you this.
29127,99,5,11,"Young Marshall: Wow, she's pretty."
29128,99,5,11,Marshall: Well one day you will marry her.
29129,99,5,11,Marshall Young: For real?
29130,99,5,11,"Marshall: Yes, lucky."
29131,99,5,11,Marshall Young: Bluntly. I'll be in my tent.
29132,99,5,11,"Marshall: Oh no, no do not do that. Have fun for me."
29133,100,5,12,"In 2030, Ted tells his children the story of the encounter with their mother."
29134,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): Children, you never know when you will meet someone important. It's not as if life warned you. You look, and they are there."
29135,100,5,12,"Ted comes out of his classroom and in the corridors, he sees a group of young people with packs of beer."
29136,100,5,12,"Student: Come on, let's go get stoned on the roof."
29137,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): No, not this guy. It."
29138,100,5,12,"Student: Do not bother, Boomer."
29139,100,5,12,Student: I do not call me Boomer.
29140,100,5,12,"Student: For me, this is your name."
29141,100,5,12,"Ted: Gentlemen, I am a professor at this university and you are minor, so it is my duty to confiscate it, and that, and... the cooler?You know what, Boomer? You can keep it."
29142,100,5,12,Ted returned to his classroom with a student.
29143,100,5,12,"Student: Each week, a guy in a fraternity invites me to a party and I said ""I am preparing my PhD and I write a thesis which is entitled Foreign Direct Investment and intergenerational ties of consumption behavior. """
29144,100,5,12,Ted: And they will respond?
29145,100,5,12,"Student: ""It's sexy. """
29146,100,5,12,"Ted: Actually, it's really sexy."
29147,100,5,12,Student: I have a confession to make. I recognize you. Do you remember the first day of last semester? Advanced Eco?
29148,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): Children, do you remember the history of bad amphitheater."
29149,100,5,12,Flashback
29150,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): I thought I was in architecture intro, I was in advanced eco. Of course, I did not know that your mother was in the auditorium, and she took me for an idiot."
29151,100,5,12,End flashback
29152,100,5,12,Student: I took you for an idiot. But a very cute idiot.
29153,100,5,12,Ted: You go out with idiots cute?
29154,100,5,12,Student: Almost all the time.
29155,100,5,12,GENERIC
29156,100,5,12,"Ted is in his apartment with Robin, Barney and Lily."
29157,100,5,12,"Ted: She wants to do a doctorate, she reads the philosophy for fun, she finished the crossword in the Sunday New York Times."
29158,100,5,12,"Barney: Ted, I am happy for you. Sorry, not for you, not to be you."
29159,100,5,12,"Ted: To summarize, I have a date tonight. (We hear screaming outside) Thank you, New York! I try not to screw up."
29160,100,5,12,Lily: What's going on? There are queuing outside the McLaren's.
29161,100,5,12,Robin: Why it's almost that guys?
29162,100,5,12,Barney: Only two things can cause this turmoil.
29163,100,5,12,"Ted, Robin, Lily and Barney are down at the bar where all the guys at the counter."
29164,100,5,12,"Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, the McLaren's hired a sexy barmaid."
29165,100,5,12,Lily: Look at all these guys. The sidewalk will feel the pee now.
29166,100,5,12,Robin: We'd better find a new bar.
29167,100,5,12,"Barney: What... are you crazy? It's a sexy barmaid. Do you know how long I've waited for me... My friends, I slept with many women in my glory days. Lawyers, professors, poets, doctors, professional riders, and animators... A butcher, a baker, a candle maker. Yes, we got to the part where it rhymes. A teacher, a restorative, an observer... A puppeteer, a croupier, a housewife, it is also a job, guys. A circuit court judge..."
29168,100,5,12,Robin: Abbreviates!
29169,100,5,12,"Barney: I never, never slept with a barmaid sexy, until tonight."
29170,100,5,12,Robin: It's not so sexy.
29171,100,5,12,Ted: Would you jealous of the attention? Imagined would be the sexiest girl in the bar?
29172,100,5,12,Robin: No. Shut up!
29173,100,5,12,Barney: Wish me luck.
29174,100,5,12,Lily: It will never happen. She will pretend to enjoy yourself in the same way she has mesmerized all these geniuses.
29175,100,5,12,"Barney: Guess who will not fall under his spell? I will make him ""Do not try, baby. Papa needs a gin and tonic. ""And when she will, I recracherai saying"" Do it again. "" The dominant male where it should be: on top, and after a few minutes below. Why should I do anything?"
29176,100,5,12,Marshall arrives.
29177,100,5,12,"Marshall: Guys, what's up?"
29178,100,5,12,Lily: A new super sexy barmaid.
29179,100,5,12,Robin: You see? Marshall does not think she's sexy.
29180,100,5,12,Lily: If he thinks. Do not bother to pretend that other women are not attractive just for my own good.
29181,100,5,12,"Marshall: I know, and if this woman was almost as sexy as mine, so I admit, but it is not the case."
29182,100,5,12,"Lily: Baby, you're an angel, but compared to this woman, I am a big trash bag 3 days."
29183,100,5,12,"Marshall: I say what I see, and... I think until you're the most beautiful woman in the world."
29184,100,5,12,"Lily: You see, it's really annoying."
29185,100,5,12,Barmaid: You're so funny. It'll be $ 6.75.
29186,100,5,12,"Man: There's, 50, keep the change."
29187,100,5,12,Barmaid: Thank you.
29188,100,5,12,Barney: Amateurs.
29189,100,5,12,Barmaid: What do you want?
29190,100,5,12,"Barney: Do not even try, baby. Wait, what?"
29191,100,5,12,Barmaid: You're going to stay there in order to be ridiculous?
29192,100,5,12,Barney: Uh...
29193,100,5,12,Barmaid: I do not know a Heu. It's half vodka and half-bar of yourself then?
29194,100,5,12,Ted (2030): That night I went to a very important first date.
29195,100,5,12,Ted is in the student with whom he spoke earlier.
29196,100,5,12,Ted: How are you?
29197,100,5,12,Student: Okay. Between.
29198,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): It's funny, sometimes you walk into an apartment for the first time, but it was the feeling of being right where it should be. And children, it was the first time I saw the little yellow bus of your mother. You know him. It is right behind you."
29199,100,5,12,Ted: It's cute.
29200,100,5,12,"Student: Actually, this is my roommate."
29201,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): And so I was there in the apartment of your mother, except that I was dating her roommate, Cindy."
29202,100,5,12,"Ted: Sorry, I should not play with the affairs of your roommate.She look like?"
29203,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): I do not know, but I would hear the first description of the woman I would marry."
29204,100,5,12,Cindy: That is a whore. I think this is a dominatrix.
29205,100,5,12,Ted: What?
29206,100,5,12,"Cindy: Okay, sorry, this is not true. I have a roommate complex."
29207,100,5,12,Ted: Why?
29208,100,5,12,Cindy: The guys always fall in love with her.
29209,100,5,12,"Ted: Look at me. I promise, I would not fall in love with your roommate."
29210,100,5,12,Ted (2030): Oops!
29211,100,5,12,"At the bar, Marshall brings beers."
29212,100,5,12,"Lily: Now that you have been looking more closely, admit it: the bartender is the sexiest of the Bar."
29213,100,5,12,Robin: The second sexiest.
29214,100,5,12,Marshall: I repeat...
29215,100,5,12,"Lily: Baby, how can you not want you to do? I want to do it. If you do not wanna do it, sorry, but you must be gay."
29216,100,5,12,"Marshall: Yeah, I'm gay. Gay for you."
29217,100,5,12,Barney: No matter. You understand why I'm the only guy she does not know this bar?
29218,100,5,12,Marshall: Yes... You will not like the answer.
29219,100,5,12,Flashback
29220,100,5,12,2 minutes ago...
29221,100,5,12,Barmaid: My last three were former Wall Street brokers.Bastards. I swore never to go out with a guy who wears suits.
29222,100,5,12,End flashback
29223,100,5,12,Barney: It's easy. I just have to stop wearing costumes.
29224,100,5,12,"Robin: Is that all? Come on, you're always in costume."
29225,100,5,12,"Summer 2009, Barney skied in costume."
29226,100,5,12,"Barney: True... But for these two... And, for that... Finally, for her... I'll stop wearing, wait..."
29227,100,5,12,"Robin: We know you're gonna say ""costumes""."
29228,100,5,12,Barney costumes.
29229,100,5,12,Ted and Cindy are in the restaurant.
29230,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): Meanwhile, Cindy and I spent a pleasant evening, but she was not kidding about his roommate complex."
29231,100,5,12,Cindy: Another weird thing on my roommate: she paints robots who play sports.
29232,100,5,12,Ted: It's strange.
29233,100,5,12,Ted (2030): I lied. It looked great. The watercolor of the robot playing volleyball with your mother is still in remission.
29234,100,5,12,Cindy: And she has this weird habit of blackmailing his breakf.
29235,100,5,12,Ted: It's weird.
29236,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): The version of ""Memories"" of your mother, sung by an English muffin, is to date the most beautiful thing I've heard in my life."
29237,100,5,12,"Ted: Look, I am defeated. I hate it."
29238,100,5,12,Cindy: Sorry. It is not so bad. I'm just a little jealous.
29239,100,5,12,Ted: I do not know why. You're great.
29240,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): But not as much as your mother. And speaking of things that are less brilliant, your uncle Barney was formally arrested costumes."
29241,100,5,12,
29242,100,5,12,"Barney is at McLaren's, in jeans and T-shirt."
29243,100,5,12,"Barmaid: Sorry to have misjudged you. If there is a kind of men I can not stand are those in costume. Ca, and a woman who does not comply."
29244,100,5,12,Barney: The costumes and complexed. I hate them. I hate them.
29245,100,5,12,"Ted joined Robin, Lily and Marshall sitting at their usual table."
29246,100,5,12,"Robin: So, your date with Cindy?"
29247,100,5,12,"Ted: Well, last night, it was nice today, less."
29248,100,5,12,Lily: Why?
29249,100,5,12,Flashback
29250,100,5,12,At the University...
29251,100,5,12,Cindy: I discovered that the settlement on all outgoing students and teachers are very strict. I could lose my scholarship.
29252,100,5,12,Ted: It's not like if you followed my progress. It is not even in the same department.
29253,100,5,12,"Cindy: Sorry, but I can not take that risk."
29254,100,5,12,End flashback
29255,100,5,12,"Ted: She exaggerates, there, right?"
29256,100,5,12,"Robin: Well, Ted, she's right."
29257,100,5,12,"Lily: And thoughtful. If the rules are so strict, you could put your work in."
29258,100,5,12,"Marshall: I think you should leave it, buddy."
29259,100,5,12,"Ted: Okay, I start again. She exaggerates, there, right?"
29260,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): Of course they were right. I had to let her go, but as your uncle Barney was discovered, it is not always easy."
29261,100,5,12,Barney is looking for clothes in her wardrobe.
29262,100,5,12,Barney conscience: In costume.
29263,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): None of us had seen for so long without Barney costume, and children, it was not pretty."
29264,100,5,12,"Marshall joined the others at the bar, in costume."
29265,100,5,12,Marshall: Sorry for my delay. I was stuck at work. I had this presentation on taxes on dividends.
29266,100,5,12,"Lily: Of course, I listened carefully when you spoke."
29267,100,5,12,"Marshall: So, I started the Powerpoint... (rubs Barney costume at Marshall) Barney?"
29268,100,5,12,Barney locks himself in the bathroom where he finds a suit.
29269,100,5,12,Barney conscience: In costume.
29270,100,5,12,He finds himself in a suit when Marshall picks him.
29271,100,5,12,Marshall: We will order food.
29272,100,5,12,Barney: I arrive in a second.
29273,100,5,12,Marshall and Barney restarts off his costume. He cracked his suit jacket.
29274,100,5,12,"Barney, running down the street: Out of my way! Stay with me.It's not your time."
29275,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): If someone could fix such a thing, it was the tailor personnel Barney, TV's Tim Gunn."
29276,100,5,12,Barney is his tailor.
29277,100,5,12,"Tim: Sorry, Barney. There is nothing more to do."
29278,100,5,12,Barney: So young. You can not do anything else?
29279,100,5,12,Tim: No. But we can use the buttons on this costume to another.
29280,100,5,12,Barney: It can... As an organ donor?
29281,100,5,12,Tim: The death of this suit could save the life of another.
29282,100,5,12,Barney: But I... Do it.
29283,100,5,12,Tim: You do what it takes. Do not cry about it. It's silk.
29284,100,5,12,Barney: Sorry. I know. I know.
29285,100,5,12,"Barney joined Marshall, Lily, Ted and Robin at the bar, with an urn in his hands."
29286,100,5,12,Barney: We have the remains cremated. Its buttons have saved a sick jacket of the Upper East Side.
29287,100,5,12,"Robin: Finally, you can abandon the quest for so-called sexy barmaid."
29288,100,5,12,"Barney: No. My costume gave his life for this cause, and I do not should rest before these two... Well, it... Finally,... Be it mine."
29289,100,5,12,Ted: There is absolutely right.
29290,100,5,12,"Lily: Who, the guy who kisses an urn full of ashes costume. This guy?"
29291,100,5,12,"Ted: What if Cindy is the woman I am to marry, and I give up?Farewell, elegant but cozy house in Westchester, with a reasonable loan that I can pay without ruining me. Goodbye, the two children raised in a strict but loving hand, finding the perfect balance between the father and friend. Adios, triplets Schnauzers, Frank Lloyd Wright and. The fact is, I do not give up either! (Ted gets up and kissed the urn of Barney before leaving) I do not know why I did that."
29292,100,5,12,"Barmaid: Barney, sorry about your friend. Tell me about him."
29293,100,5,12,"Barney: It was Italian. Classic, elegant. And my God he knew how to deal with women. They could not say no."
29294,100,5,12,Barmaid: How old was he?
29295,100,5,12,Barney: 7 years. I miss him so much!
29296,100,5,12,Barmaid: You should not be alone tonight. I will finish earlier.
29297,100,5,12,"Barney: Thank you, old friend. You go on a good shot."
29298,100,5,12,Barney share with the barmaid.
29299,100,5,12,"Lily: Admit it, she is sexier than me. It will not hurt me."
29300,100,5,12,Marshall: I can not. You're sexier than she.
29301,100,5,12,"Lily: That's a goddess! Her skin glows. Her legs are super long.And that ass? I do not mind having it, even on the head! That night, I admit, I thought about it a little more than once."
29302,100,5,12,"Marshall: What do you...? Kind, you think she is sexier than me?"
29303,100,5,12,Lily: I never said that.
29304,100,5,12,Marshall: You think so!
29305,100,5,12,Lily: It's not comparable. She is younger than you.
29306,100,5,12,"Marshall: I'm just, like, me, my friend, against it, its old."
29307,100,5,12,"Robin: You two, the fact that it is not real sexy! She is sexy thanks to circumstances! Look."
29308,100,5,12,Robin takes off his jacket and goes behind the counter.
29309,100,5,12,Marshall: I guess you also think she is sexier than me.
29310,100,5,12,Carl: What are you doing?
29311,100,5,12,Robin: What?
29312,100,5,12,Carl: You do not have the right to be there.
29313,100,5,12,"Robin: Carl, listening. No. I do not want to leave. Mercy, mercy, do not force me to leave."
29314,100,5,12,Carl: You have to go. You have to go.
29315,100,5,12,"Robin: I was someone there, behind! Everybody loved me."
29316,100,5,12,Ted walking in the rain. A knock at Cindy.
29317,100,5,12,Ted: Can we talk?
29318,100,5,12,Cindy: My roommate is going out of the shower. Come into my room.
29319,100,5,12,"Ted: I know the law prohibits us from going out together. But he also says ""Do not teach in having drunk"" and I do it all the time.The fact is... I really appreciate you. You're cute, funny. You write a thesis which is entitled, Foreign direct investment and intergenerational ties of consumption behavior. It's too sexy! I know it sounds crazy, but... I feel that our paths are supposed to meet, and... I do not want to miss meeting you."
29320,100,5,12,"Cindy: I do not want it, me either."
29321,100,5,12,"Ted: I gotta tell you, just by looking at your room, I know we have much in common."
29322,100,5,12,Cindy: Really?
29323,100,5,12,Ted: The Unicorns? Who will cut our hair When We're Gone? I thought I was the only one with this album.
29324,100,5,12,Cindy: This is my roommate. I borrowed.
29325,100,5,12,Ted: And that? After World T.C Boyle?
29326,100,5,12,Cindy: Birthday present... my roommate. I did not read it yet.
29327,100,5,12,"Ted: You should. It is really good. And that? It is the height. You play the bass? Seriously, ask my friends. I have always said that my perfect woman... does not play bass, because that is clearly that of your roommate."
29328,100,5,12,Cindy: It is in a group.
29329,100,5,12,"Ted: Damn, that's cool."
29330,100,5,12,Cindy: It's amazing. You chose the only three things that are here to my roommate.
29331,100,5,12,Ted: The group played shows your roommate or...?
29332,100,5,12,Cindy: Get out.
29333,100,5,12,"Ted (2030): Children, as you guessed, it was not the night I met your mother. Although I think I saw his foot. But I approached the meeting with the woman of my dreams. And your mother... She had recovered her yellow umbrella."
29334,100,5,12,Barney the bartender back home.
29335,100,5,12,"Barney: It was so special, you know? We should observe a minute of silence. Followed by about 20 minutes of grunting."
29336,100,5,12,Barmaid: I'll help you feel much better. Let me refresh.
29337,100,5,12,"Barney: Okay. Expected. No, this is not the bathroom. This is..."
29338,100,5,12,Barmaid: They are yours?
29339,100,5,12,Barney: I'm the suit-sitting for someone.
29340,100,5,12,"Barmaid: Barney, you lied to me. You must choose immediately.Me... or costumes."
29341,100,5,12,The barmaid hand.
29342,100,5,12,"Barney, singing and dancing in the street: I know what you're thinking, ""What Barney has been drinking? This girl was hot! ""I might have to do it, but I did not miss anything because there is something she is not. 10 would make me a lot, but I'd rather be on my 31. It is a fact that you can not deny. Nothing goes better than n'me costume! Imagine a world where men and women are perfectly well-dressed! The delivery man in suit and tie savate, this puppy in a cross! This guy with sideburns, this baby with a pacifier! This gendarmette deliciously beautiful. Nothing goes better than n'leur costume! A first officer that I can wear, they are oh so distinguished! The perfect trick to get me a girl with father issues, navy blue or black! (2 men get out of a store with a rack filled with costumes) spy on this perfect rack! I want to make guilis."
29343,100,5,12,"Marshall, doing the same: Oh, really! Then answer these questions, I beg. What would you do if you had to choose between your suits and a pot of gold?"
29344,100,5,12,Barney: Costumes!
29345,100,5,12,"Marshall: What would you say, against all your costume you were offered eternal youth?"
29346,100,5,12,Barney: Costumes!
29347,100,5,12,Robin: What would you choose: a million girls and one three parts?
29348,100,5,12,Barney: Do we see.
29349,100,5,12,Lily: And a world at peace would be within your reach?
29350,100,5,12,"Barney: I'll stop. These are the costumes. Stops just bullshit.Two, three, four! Girls come and depart, but the clothes remain constant! Each buddy dépote and rambling, it is no substitute!Sorry, my costumes, I give you my life. My Sunday clothes are my best friends! The casual clothes go in the basket because nothing goes better with the undisputed often praised, claiming to fame... a true... Expect more... Costume..."
29351,100,5,12,"Ted, Marshall, Lily: Nothing suits her better... than... Costume.In costume! In costume! Costume...!"
29352,100,5,12,"Barney: Mind you, it is rather barrel. (Back at Barney) I choose you you, baby. Tomorrow morning, I get rid of these costumes."
29353,100,5,12,Barmaid: Really?
29354,100,5,12,Barney: Yeah. (They kiss) I will do you nothing!
29355,101,5,13,"Ted (2030): Children, when you're 30 and live in New York, there are few places where it is better not to be. Time Square at New Year, Christmas at Rockefeller Center, but the worst: a student bar!"
29356,101,5,13,Ted and Marshall enter into a student bar.
29357,101,5,13,"Ted: You're not serious, my students are going to catch me so I do them a lesson. I have not even my slide projector."
29358,101,5,13,"Marshall: Ted, I'm champion of skee-ball, since law school. I have come here at least once a month to keep my record."
29359,101,5,13,"Ted: Looks like you're not income from a lease, a guy called ""Big caramel"" you're passed."
29360,101,5,13,"Marshall: Yes, yes."
29361,101,5,13,"Ted: And you're ""Big caramel."""
29362,101,5,13,"Marshall: The biggest. In fact, I must tell you something. I invited Jenkins."
29363,101,5,13,"Ted Jenkins, no kidding me!"
29364,101,5,13,Ted (2030): We have heard of Jenkins few weeks ago.
29365,101,5,13,Flashback
29366,101,5,13,At the apartment...
29367,101,5,13,Marshall: You will not believe what Jenkins has done this time.
29368,101,5,13,Ted: Who is Jenkins?
29369,101,5,13,"Lily: This is a new lawyer in the office of Marshall, he is hilarious."
29370,101,5,13,"Marshall: Hilarious! There was a jar of cherries in the fridge, then Jenkins said: $ 200 and I eat the whole pot. So we gave him $ 200, and he ate the whole jar!"
29371,101,5,13,Ted (2030): And the stories continued.
29372,101,5,13,In McLaren's...
29373,101,5,13,"Marshall: The CFO comes to sign papers, then Jenkins said: Excuse me Mr Wilkocs, I think we forgot one of the documents.We all went to a bar after work, Jenkins goes on the table and begins to gesticulate like a stripper, and a second later, he removes his shirt. It was so disgusting."
29374,101,5,13,End flashback
29375,101,5,13,"Ted: Well it feels good to finally meet the famous Jenkins, after all these stories."
29376,101,5,13,"Barney, joining them: And there's going to have another. I'll sleep with Jenkins."
29377,101,5,13,Ted: What?!
29378,101,5,13,Barney: You heard me.
29379,101,5,13,Ted: You want to sleep with Jenkins?
29380,101,5,13,"Barney: With Jenkins, of Jenkins, near Jenkins. You said it, I want to put like a sock."
29381,101,5,13,Ted: But you are... really... I did not know that...
29382,101,5,13,"Woman: Hi, guys."
29383,101,5,13,Marshall: Ted Jenkins here.
29384,101,5,13,GENERIC
29385,101,5,13,"Ted: It's going to seem crazy, but I thought Jenkins was a guy."
29386,101,5,13,Marshall: What!? Where did you get it?
29387,101,5,13,"Ted: I do not know, maybe history: Jenkins pissed out the window of a taxi."
29388,101,5,13,"Marshall: Yes, even more impressive now, right?"
29389,101,5,13,Ted: Yes.
29390,101,5,13,"Marshall: Ok, I confess! It all started a few weeks."
29391,101,5,13,Flashback
29392,101,5,13,The work of Marshall...
29393,101,5,13,"Man: In fact the myopic! New lawyer, Jenkins here. Watch out for this guy, he steals things."
29394,101,5,13,Marshall: I do not steal. And I do not wear glasses. Marshall.
29395,101,5,13,"Jenkins: Hi Marshall. So you're really a fan of the Vikings, or he lied about that too?"
29396,101,5,13,"Marshall: Why? It's a trap, you're a fan of the Packers? My wife knows I'm here. She has no money, however it has very special skills."
29397,101,5,13,Jenkins: I'm a fan of the Vikings too! I think purple and gold. I am from Pelican Rapids.
29398,101,5,13,"Marshall: Pelican Rapids? My grandfather lives there. Finally he's dead now, but it haunts a bar on a road."
29399,101,5,13,End flashback
29400,101,5,13,"Ted: Wait, if you tell me that you flirt with a woman other than yours, I'll pull out and hit you."
29401,101,5,13,"Marshall: First, you can not control the Grand caramel. Secondly, I see it as a big brother, who has breasts. My older brother had also, in short."
29402,101,5,13,Flashback
29403,101,5,13,"Marshall: That night, I spoke to Lily."
29404,101,5,13,Lily: I'm in a hurry to meet him.
29405,101,5,13,"Marshall: I should correct, it would have been so simple."
29406,101,5,13,End flashback
29407,101,5,13,"Marshall: But I have not done. So now, whenever I talk about Jenkins, I avoid pronouns."
29408,101,5,13,Flashback
29409,101,5,13,"Marshall: So the manager comes to marketing staff to choose Midwest. So he, he, he, she, him, him, Jenkins, him, her."
29410,101,5,13,End flashback
29411,101,5,13,"Ted: Look, I understand why you have not told him? You really think she would be jealous too."
29412,101,5,13,"Marshall: Ted, think of the stories I've told."
29413,101,5,13,"Ted: Yes, it could be a problem."
29414,101,5,13,"Marshall: Exactly, that's why Lily can know nothing."
29415,101,5,13,Robin: Lily can know nothing of what?
29416,101,5,13,Ted: What Marshall is going to buy a horse.
29417,101,5,13,"Robin: Really?! It's great, I love this stuff. Guys why this kid staring at me? I understand, I think it happens at last. I recognized my show."
29418,101,5,13,"Ted: That's so cute. But it's Scotty, one of my students, and he looks at me me. Weird that I'm more famous than you."
29419,101,5,13,"Robin: No, I go on TV."
29420,101,5,13,"Ted: And I have 30 students in my class, which means, go, 30 times your hearing. We're going to buy Scotty a drink for old teacher. Scotty then, a question on neoclassical architecture, and it's good."
29421,101,5,13,"Scotty: You are Robin Scherbatsky, right?"
29422,101,5,13,Ted: What?
29423,101,5,13,Robin: Yes.
29424,101,5,13,"Scotty: I did not want to fix, it's just that I watch your show all the time."
29425,101,5,13,Robin: Really?
29426,101,5,13,Ted: Really?
29427,101,5,13,Scotty: Bluntly. Why do you hang out with Ted?
29428,101,5,13,"Ted: Uh, this is Professor Mosby."
29429,101,5,13,Robin: We're friends.
29430,101,5,13,Scotty: The cow! Robin Scherbatsky is friends with my art teacher.
29431,101,5,13,Ted: This is architecture. Go will study.
29432,101,5,13,"Scotty: And a second, you're ""Big caramel""?"
29433,101,5,13,Ted: Go!
29434,101,5,13,Marshall is working with Jenkins when his phone rings.
29435,101,5,13,Marshall: Hello?
29436,101,5,13,"Lily: Hey baby, I go up there."
29437,101,5,13,"Marshall: What, why?"
29438,101,5,13,"Lily: There was a problem at school, it was therefore the day. I thought to visit you, eat something with a nice little dessert."
29439,101,5,13,"Marshall: I have a problem, it was my wife. The first time I spoke to you, she thought you were a man, so..."
29440,101,5,13,Jenkins:... then you're afraid she became insane upon learning that I am a woman.
29441,101,5,13,Marshall: Absolutely.
29442,101,5,13,"Jenkins: Good God, I was in a band improv. Am what I do."
29443,101,5,13,They leave the office at the same time Lily out of the elevator.
29444,101,5,13,"Lily: Hello, I'm Lily, Marshall's wife."
29445,101,5,13,"Jenkins: Hi Lily, I am of the French Embassy. I am here because of a little problem with cheese but important."
29446,101,5,13,Marshall: It is Jenkins.
29447,101,5,13,Lily: You are Jenkins?
29448,101,5,13,"Jenkins: Yes, well, uh, I'll let you sort it out between you, see you later."
29449,101,5,13,Ted (2030): Marshall cracked. The moment he feared.
29450,101,5,13,"Lily: The famous Jenkins, gosh. I imagined a man, in short, we eat?"
29451,101,5,13,"Marshall: Wait, you're not jealous at all?"
29452,101,5,13,"Lily: Honey, I do not have to worry about you and another woman."
29453,101,5,13,"Marshall: Because we love to madness, right?"
29454,101,5,13,Lily: Yes of course. Let's eat.
29455,101,5,13,"Ted, Robin and Marshall at MacLaren's."
29456,101,5,13,Marshall: It was not jealous at all.
29457,101,5,13,"Ted: Of course she was not jealous, it is the dynamics of your relationship."
29458,101,5,13,Marshall: What is this supposed to mean?
29459,101,5,13,"Robin: That's how it goes boy, every relationship has a low and high."
29460,101,5,13,"Ted: Exactly, low in trying to conquer another out of reach, and the strong will go back down to be with the other person less."
29461,101,5,13,"Marshall: I am not diminished for Lily. Yes, it is a bit small, and my mother says she has no hips to carry a baby Eriksen. My God, you think I'm weak."
29462,101,5,13,"Robin: That's why Lily is not jealous. The strongest is never jealous because where could go lower? The fort, Lily, is the best thing that low, Marshall may have hoped."
29463,101,5,13,"Marshall: No, ok, I'm glad Lily, but Lily is as lucky as me. None of us is low."
29464,101,5,13,"Robin: Yes, it's definitely, you are going to buy a horse."
29465,101,5,13,Marshall: What?
29466,101,5,13,Robin: Try your luck.
29467,101,5,13,Ted teaches a course in architecture at the university.
29468,101,5,13,"Ted: So, to end modern architecture is very short, experimented with the houses in V. (Robin enters the classroom Ted) Excuse me one second. What are you doing here?"
29469,101,5,13,"Robin: I've realized that you forgot something this morning, so I thought I would bring thee: thy pen."
29470,101,5,13,"Ted: It's your pen, and you have chewed the end, recently."
29471,101,5,13,"Robin: Nothing to Ted, your course was on my way to work."
29472,101,5,13,"Ted: No, it is not."
29473,101,5,13,"Robin: Come on, stand New York."
29474,101,5,13,Student: I watch your show all the time.
29475,101,5,13,"Robin: Really, you watch my show? You flatter me see. Other fans here?"
29476,101,5,13,All students raise their hands to Ted.
29477,101,5,13,"Ted: Thank you for last, Robin."
29478,101,5,13,"Robin: That night, great show on poisons. (She goes out, then reopens the door) Also, who makes the worst pizza in New York, I will give you information on traffic streets 5 and 9."
29479,101,5,13,"Ted: Really? You watch his show? It's like watching an aquarium lit, and less interesting. And now that I think, not even informed."
29480,101,5,13,Scotty: The truth is that we look for the drinking game.
29481,101,5,13,Ted: The what?
29482,101,5,13,"Student: As the show starts early, it is often at the bar. So when she did an interview, one should drink when she says ""But um""."
29483,101,5,13,
29484,101,5,13,At the bar...
29485,101,5,13,Barney: But huh?
29486,101,5,13,"Ted: But um, it would seem, she often said."
29487,101,5,13,"Barney: It's funny, I also had a drinking game based on Robin, Robin finally. At the bottom of her stomach..."
29488,101,5,13,Ted: It was agreed that you do not speak of those things.
29489,101,5,13,"Barney: Sorry, you're right. She did not like anyway. She said it woke her up. Does she said ""But um"" so often?"
29490,101,5,13,"Ted (2030): Tonight, we saw how much she often said."
29491,101,5,13,Ted and Barney are watching TV while Robin interviews a young boy.
29492,101,5,13,"Robin: It's good but um, this was not your first spelling bee, does not it?"
29493,101,5,13,"Boy: No, the third."
29494,101,5,13,Robin: Oh that's good. But hmm. But um...
29495,101,5,13,"Ted and Barney have abused alcohol too, are hilarious."
29496,101,5,13,At the apartment Marshall and Lily...
29497,101,5,13,Marshall: Interesting article in the newspaper. They say that in every relationship there is a weak and strong.
29498,101,5,13,Lily: Let me see.
29499,101,5,13,"Marshall: It's not that one, it's in another, I've read before. The newspaper reminded me of the old. In short, what do you think?"
29500,101,5,13,Lily: I think sometimes it's the case.
29501,101,5,13,Marshall: But not for us?
29502,101,5,13,"Lily: No, of course not."
29503,101,5,13,"Marshall: Sure. Imagine, you have a gun to his head, you have to say that one of us is low."
29504,101,5,13,"Lily: I would say this is me, this is what is right."
29505,101,5,13,"Marshall: Now, the gun is pointed at me, and our future children, and our future little monkeys. Depends on who wins the game is played for 3 years."
29506,101,5,13,"Lily: No, no weak or strong."
29507,101,5,13,Marshall: So this...
29508,101,5,13,"Ted (2030): It went on for a while, until finally..."
29509,101,5,13,"Marshall: Our two children, our 8 grandchildren, 11 great grandchildren our, our plane piloted by Oprah, and it is poised to spits at an art museum that contains all your favorite pictures, and the only way save everything, and answered: Art thou the weak or strong?"
29510,101,5,13,Lily: And Oprah has tried everything?
29511,101,5,13,Marshall: Everything you need to decide now.
29512,101,5,13,"Lily: I think if I had to really say, maybe I'm strong."
29513,101,5,13,Marshall: How can you say such a thing!
29514,101,5,13,At the Bar with Ted and Barney...
29515,101,5,13,"Marshall: She thinks she is strong. That's right, I have to prove that I am not the weak. I will make her jealous."
29516,101,5,13,"Barney: Easy, that's the plan: A, layer with Jenkins. Two, I sleep with Jenkins first. Three, the second rule is the first I'm going to rule 2."
29517,101,5,13,It is beyond the current bar.
29518,101,5,13,"Ted: Okay, I know. You remember the other night, the game of skee-ball, when you did your good score?"
29519,101,5,13,"Marshall: Yes, an ordinary night for the ""Big caramel."""
29520,101,5,13,Flashback
29521,101,5,13,Marshall plays no matter how the skee-ball and score as 50 points.
29522,101,5,13,End flashback
29523,101,5,13,Marshall: Do you think she was flirting with me?
29524,101,5,13,Ted: Bluntly.
29525,101,5,13,"Marshall: Sure, I have an opening. If Madame Lily is jealous, young Marshall can not move, then by chance, the ""Big caramel""... may move, ok let me try again."
29526,101,5,13,"Ted: Okay, I understand."
29527,101,5,13,Robin comes as Marshall hand.
29528,101,5,13,"Robin: Ted, I have a great idea."
29529,101,5,13,Ted: Remove your hair in the bathtub once you're done? Looks like you want to make a bath mat.
29530,101,5,13,"Robin: If you want to make one of your classes exciting, I could read it from someone a little more fun, your students can pay attention and learn."
29531,101,5,13,"Ted: Oh, you're entertaining? Last night there were 3 minutes of silence where you tried to patch up your sweater."
29532,101,5,13,"Robin: Look, just because your class prefers me to you..."
29533,101,5,13,Ted:... You're a drinking game.
29534,101,5,13,Robin: What?
29535,101,5,13,"Ted: That's why they watch. They did a drinking game on you.Every time you say ""But um"", they take a shot."
29536,101,5,13,Robin: But umm?
29537,101,5,13,Ted: Yes.
29538,101,5,13,"Robin: I'm not But um, I never told But hum."
29539,101,5,13,"Ted: So I guess it's not a great drinking game. This means that last night when we played with Barney, I was not drunk and I did not vomit on it. Except that I did these two things here, take this."
29540,101,5,13,Marshall joined Jenkins in his job.
29541,101,5,13,Marshall: Hey Jenkins!
29542,101,5,13,Jenkins: Hey buddy!
29543,101,5,13,"Marshall: So, Lily and I go back to university bar. And you wonder if maybe you would come... You could watch me play skee-ball... do exactly what you did the other night, something like that. It's really up to you, I mean..."
29544,101,5,13,"Jenkins threw himself on Marshall to kiss. He leaves the office, crying."
29545,101,5,13,Marshall returned to the apartment.
29546,101,5,13,"Lily: Hey baby, what do you do at home?"
29547,101,5,13,"Marshall: Baby! That is, it's a name I do not deserve."
29548,101,5,13,Lily: What?
29549,101,5,13,"Marshall Jenkins kissed me! She kissed me! We hooked up the other day, she saw me playing skee-ball. And I do not know, it had to go to his head. But you must know, I immediately stopped... And you're the one for me baby."
29550,101,5,13,"Lily: Oh, I see what happens. That's about all that history of strong and weak."
29551,101,5,13,Marshall: You're sure it's not a fever?
29552,101,5,13,Lily: You wanna make me jealous so you invent a story with Jenkins.
29553,101,5,13,"Marshall: I did not invent it! It happened, this woman kissed me.With language, his tongue was in my mouth."
29554,101,5,13,Lily: Of course it was.
29555,101,5,13,Marshall: It was silky... and hard as a branch of starfish
29556,101,5,13,"Lily: I'm so jealous, I'll go see it and hit right on the nose... like an old sandwich. Come on baby, you want some soup?"
29557,101,5,13,Marshall: It happened! Have you... meatballs?
29558,101,5,13,Architecture course Ted...
29559,101,5,13,Ted: And here's a few of his contributions to architecture and now... We remember him for just one thing. My friends this is the sad legacy of Gregorio... Franchetti Gazibo. Questions?
29560,101,5,13,Scotty: You want to come to the bar with us tonight?
29561,101,5,13,Ted: What?
29562,101,5,13,"Scotty: Yeah, we wanted to do some of Robin Scherbatsky, if you want to come?"
29563,101,5,13,"Ted: Well, what can I say except... um But I am! I can always come? I will pay?"
29564,101,5,13,Robin has another interview.
29565,101,5,13,"Robin: So, your third book is your new novel, but um..."
29566,101,5,13,"All, the student bar: But hum!"
29567,101,5,13,"Robin: sh1t! Sorry. But, but just. No hum! Your first book was written more quickly?"
29568,101,5,13,"Man: Oh, it's true!"
29569,101,5,13,Robin: But umm...
29570,101,5,13,All: But hum!
29571,101,5,13,Ted: It's not pretty!
29572,101,5,13,Ted (2030): And that's when that Robin had an idea that would end the game forever.
29573,101,5,13,"Robin: I wanted to ask about the novel you're writing right now, but um..."
29574,101,5,13,All: But hum!
29575,101,5,13,"Robin: And tonight, you had to, but um..."
29576,101,5,13,All: But hum!
29577,101,5,13,"Robin: For a long time, but um..."
29578,101,5,13,All: But hum!
29579,101,5,13,"Ted: No, no, no, do not drink, it's a trap!"
29580,101,5,13,"Man: I think I should go, keep your $ 10!"
29581,101,5,13,"Robin: Ok, um... but thank you for coming but um... If there are students who look, but um, but um, but um..."
29582,101,5,13,"Scotty: We should drink professor, is the rule! She said but um."
29583,101,5,13,"Ted: My God, help us all!"
29584,101,5,13,Jenkins joined Marshall's office.
29585,101,5,13,Jenkins: Oh you're here! I'm really sorry to have embraced yesterday.
29586,101,5,13,Marshall: It's nothing.
29587,101,5,13,Jenkins: And I'm sorry I slept with you in the mail room.
29588,101,5,13,Marshall: It was not me!
29589,101,5,13,"Jenkins: Oh my God, that's embarrassing 2 discussions today. I do not do usually, I was totally stuffed."
29590,101,5,13,Marshall: You were drunk at 8am?
29591,101,5,13,"Jenkins: Yeah, I know not what has happened!"
29592,101,5,13,Flashback
29593,101,5,13,Jenkins is in a bar.
29594,101,5,13,Robin: The police officer was unharmed but um...
29595,101,5,13,Jenkins: But hum! (She drinks her glass bottoms up) I gotta work!
29596,101,5,13,End flashback
29597,101,5,13,Marshall: Happy to have you helped you remember.
29598,101,5,13,"Jenkins: Damn, how I could do that!"
29599,101,5,13,Marshall: It's nothing!
29600,101,5,13,"Jenkins: No, you know what it is not nothing. You are the coolest guy in the office that stupid. And I really do not want to spoil our friendship. This is so embarrassing, do not tell anyone please."
29601,101,5,13,"Marshall: No, who am I to say? Lily? I said to Lily."
29602,101,5,13,"Jenkins: For heaven's sake, I have to go talk to him, I must apologize!"
29603,101,5,13,"Marshall: No, no!"
29604,101,5,13,"Jenkins: If Marshall, I must say that it happened, it meant nothing... And I'm sorry."
29605,101,5,13,"Marshall: No, I... Yes! Yes! Do it!"
29606,101,5,13,Jenkins: I'm going.
29607,101,5,13,"Marshall: And if you got no time for all this, just tell him that it happened and that you're sorry. And if you're really in a hurry did not tell him you're sorry. Just as it happened, what is most important. It really happened. Thus abbreviated it as much as you can."
29608,101,5,13,In McLaren's...
29609,101,5,13,"Jenkins: So Lily, what I'm saying is that... It happened and I feel terrible. And I am truly sorry."
29610,101,5,13,"Marshall: Well, it happened! What will we do? It happened!Terrible, like you said. It happened!"
29611,101,5,13,"Jenkins: Exactly, I feel bad and I hate myself. If what I have done you got injured or affected your relationship with Marshall, forgive me!"
29612,101,5,13,Lily gives him a fist in the face.
29613,101,5,13,Lily: Kissed my husband! MY HUSBAND! Nobody embraces the father of my future children besides me.
29614,101,5,13,She throws herself on her and continues to type.
29615,101,5,13,"Barney: Marshall, you're in the field!"
29616,101,5,13,"Ted (2030): Children, your Uncle Marshall was never tried again to make your aunt Lily jealous."
29617,101,5,13,Marshall: Lil '? It's good!
29618,101,5,13,Ted's class is really not able to listen after they spent the evening.
29619,101,5,13,Ted: So we'll just have a quiet day course. Nobody is talking! No noise!
29620,101,5,13,Suddenly Robin between.
29621,101,5,13,Robin: How's you all?
29622,101,5,13,"Ted: No, no, no, please. Just goes away!"
29623,101,5,13,Robin: I just wanted to tell you go... (She takes a megaphone) To all those watching. Go! Standing New York! BUT HUM!
29624,102,5,14,Ted (2030): There are ways to relieve stress.
29625,102,5,14,"Woman: You'll have a few minutes, Mr. Stinson."
29626,102,5,14,Ted (2030): Many people bite their nails. Others tap their feet.And others imagine themselves to be interviewed by renowned sports commentator Jim Nantz.
29627,102,5,14,"Jim: Hi friends, any sport has had its icon, which it excels. Ali was boxing, basketball had Jordan, and the sport of sleeping with bombs snuff chance, my next guest, Mr Barney Stinson.Barney, welcome."
29628,102,5,14,"Barney: Thank you, Jim. I'm glad to be back on the show."
29629,102,5,14,"Jim: It's good to have you. And you know, the statistics, they really speak for themselves. Over 200 women spread over 6 continents, 17 countries, 74 sexual positions, and not a single bead. Impressive. But even with all these successes, there has always been an escape for you. Which brings us back to last week. Tell us about our history."
29630,102,5,14,"Barney: Hold on, Jimbo, it is extraordinary."
29631,102,5,14,"First night... Barney, Ted, Lily and Marshall are at McLaren's."
29632,102,5,14,Barney: It all started when I decided to start a small challenge.
29633,102,5,14,Marshall: Oh my God. Wow.
29634,102,5,14,Ted: He decides his victim.
29635,102,5,14,Barney: Whatever the girl I'm trying to point is that I go with her tonight. And... they're off!
29636,102,5,14,Barney gets up and goes to see a girl at the counter.
29637,102,5,14,Marshall: Hi!
29638,102,5,14,Robin: Hi!
29639,102,5,14,Lily: How did it go with Dale?
29640,102,5,14,"Robin: You know, sometimes, the guy with thick glasses and a t-shirt of the Smurfs, it's just a cliche. And sometimes it is a moron with a squint and a platonic relationship with Gargamel."
29641,102,5,14,"Lily: Robin, this is not because a guy talks a lot about a fictional character for your first date it can not be your future."
29642,102,5,14,Marshall: The Yeti is not fictitious.
29643,102,5,14,"Ted, from seeing Barney: That was fast."
29644,102,5,14,"Jim: So, the first night was pretty normal."
29645,102,5,14,"Barney: Jim, there is nothing in my usual way to pack."
29646,102,5,14,Jim: Respect. Which brings us to the second night.
29647,102,5,14,Second night...
29648,102,5,14,"Barney: That brings us to the second night. You see the bomb that pampers its Black Russian (Vodka and coffee liqueur)? She left to exchange it with a White American. Enter me five! You know... If you're not careful, you'll lose me."
29649,102,5,14,"Robin: Guys, when Dale called for a second hot date, what do I tell her?"
29650,102,5,14,Marshall: How do you know he'll call?
29651,102,5,14,"Robin: How cute, Marshall. But I think mom knows when she was a hit. I mean, he could not help but look at me."
29652,102,5,14,"Ted: And well, do not push too. People can be fragile. And sometimes, without even trying, you can tear someone's heart, and crush it in front of a roomful of 26 people and a teacher's assistant."
29653,102,5,14,"Lily: How it happened at school today, Ted?"
29654,102,5,14,Ted: Something bad happened. This was the first course of the semester...
29655,102,5,14,Flashback
29656,102,5,14,"Ted: Jamie Adamic. Salvation. Brian Glow-atz. Glau-atz?Salvation. Well done. Add a false name on the call sheet, very original guys. You know, I expected a little maturity, coming from students like you, and frankly, more creative. I mean, seriously, what kind of fake name is Jen Coulin?"
29657,102,5,14,Student: Present.
29658,102,5,14,"Ted: Come on guys, you would have at least been able to make it sound right. Jen Coulin?"
29659,102,5,14,Student: Present.
29660,102,5,14,"Ted: What happened to classic? Sat Troulcu, Ted and Bill Oukoi, Maby Stoukette, Roland Cule, that's false names, but Jen Coulin?"
29661,102,5,14,Student: Here.
29662,102,5,14,Ted: Jen Coulin!
29663,102,5,14,Student: It's just there.
29664,102,5,14,End flashback
29665,102,5,14,"Lily, Marshall and Robin laugh at Ted."
29666,102,5,14,"Ted: Come on, I wait, swing all your jokes about Jen Coulin."
29667,102,5,14,"Lily: We will not make jokes, Ted. I mean, this girl must really be in the hole."
29668,102,5,14,Marshall: You really soiled the name of Jen Coulin.
29669,102,5,14,Ted: Have you finished?
29670,102,5,14,Robin: You asked him if she had reached the right exit?
29671,102,5,14,"Lily: Wow, two in a row, Barney is thoroughly."
29672,102,5,14,Barney leaves the bar together.
29673,102,5,14,"Robin: This is a lucky girl, Barney was my best shot."
29674,102,5,14,Ted: And this is the best friend I ever had.
29675,102,5,14,Lily: It is everything I love that Marshall either.
29676,102,5,14,Marshall: It's all I want to be.
29677,102,5,14,Barney: I guess that's just what they said when I was gone.
29678,102,5,14,"Jim: I believe it. You are awesome. Now, night 3. Describe it to us."
29679,102,5,14,"Barney: Jim, I can tell you that I was gone, so I wanted a little spice."
29680,102,5,14,Third night...
29681,102,5,14,Barney: I think I'll take small tits tonight.
29682,102,5,14,Lily: You're yucky.
29683,102,5,14,"Barney: Lily, it's people too."
29684,102,5,14,Wendy: That's your burgers.
29685,102,5,14,Marshall: thank you.
29686,102,5,14,Lily: Thank you.
29687,102,5,14,Ted: You share it? Your share forever.
29688,102,5,14,Lily: Of course not!
29689,102,5,14,Marshall: There is no such Bizarros who share everything.
29690,102,5,14,Robin: Of course I do.
29691,102,5,14,Ted: That's exactly what you are.
29692,102,5,14,Lily: It is perfectly normal.
29693,102,5,14,Robin: What's happening guys?
29694,102,5,14,"Marshall: You know, Lily and I was looking for a new couple of friends since we lost Robin and Barney, and Ted and Stella and Ted and Robin, and Ted... Ted and Victoria, when do you arrive to keep one?"
29695,102,5,14,Ted: How we came up with that?
29696,102,5,14,"Lily: It was a great day out at 4 it was cool, we were relaxed, it was not freaked out."
29697,102,5,14,"Marshall: And there, a tiny detail has surfaced, and it ruined the whole evening."
29698,102,5,14,Flashback
29699,102,5,14,"Man:... and the toothbrush Joanna is ejected from the sink, facing the ceiling, and falls straight down the toilet."
29700,102,5,14,"Marshall: It's crazy that last week, it happened the same with our toothbrushes."
29701,102,5,14,Woman: Our toothbrush?
29702,102,5,14,End flashback
29703,102,5,14,Ted: Our toothbrush?
29704,102,5,14,Jim: Our toothbrush?
29705,102,5,14,Flashback
29706,102,5,14,Lily: Yeah.
29707,102,5,14,"Male: As in, a toothbrush?"
29708,102,5,14,End flashback
29709,102,5,14,"Robin: As in, a toothbrush? You use both?"
29710,102,5,14,Jim: Every day?
29711,102,5,14,Flashback
29712,102,5,14,Lily: That's weird?
29713,102,5,14,End flashback
29714,102,5,14,All Super Bizarre.
29715,102,5,14,"Ted: Marshall, 4 of 5 dentists have just vomited on."
29716,102,5,14,"Robin: Hey, look, Barney has yet fallen one."
29717,102,5,14,"Lily: Wow. 3 girls in 3 nights. This is gross, even from Barney."
29718,102,5,14,Ted: Yuck? Are you kidding? There is no one left to do...
29719,102,5,14,Marshall: Do not tell! You're going to jinx him!
29720,102,5,14,Lily: Wear what bad luck?
29721,102,5,14,Barney: I had left to do... flawless.
29722,102,5,14,GENERIC
29723,102,5,14,"Barney: It was faultless. 7 nights, 7 girls, 0 rejection."
29724,102,5,14,"Jim: Awesome. I mean, it's the equivalent of sexual perfect game in baseball, in even harder."
29725,102,5,14,Barney: Yeah. The only player in history to have accomplished both Pete was Drexell 'The mustache' in 1896.
29726,102,5,14,"Jim: It was not the first time you were about to accomplish. So you knew that one mistake, and we reach the end. Sometimes a teammate makes a mistake. Sometimes a minefield..."
29727,102,5,14,Barney: You and me in the closet of the Spanish supermarket next door.
29728,102,5,14,"Jim:... takes you straight into the wall. And sometimes you spread yourself. And it almost always ends badly. But this week, you were to 3 of 3, and no sign of abating."
29729,102,5,14,"Barney: I can even say, without a fault. I'd love to say the same of my friends."
29730,102,5,14,Fourth night...
29731,102,5,14,Ted: Jen has not come into being today.
29732,102,5,14,"Marshall: Excuse me, Jen?"
29733,102,5,14,"Robin: Yeah, Ted, we know tons of people who call Jen."
29734,102,5,14,Marshall: Yeah.
29735,102,5,14,Ted: Jen Coulin.
29736,102,5,14,"Robin: Oh, you're there. The dreaded call from Dale. Oh, that's my mother. She has big health problems. But why does he not call?"
29737,102,5,14,Lily: Wait a second. Want it called?
29738,102,5,14,Robin: No! Shut up! You have not a kind of toothbrush to share or something like that?
29739,102,5,14,Ted: Yeah. When did you start doing that too?
29740,102,5,14,"Marshall: It's been years! You had to know, you lived with us."
29741,102,5,14,"Ted: Yeah, but you always keep your toothbrush in the bathroom, which is, incidentally, also weird."
29742,102,5,14,Lily: We kept her in the bathroom.
29743,102,5,14,"Ted: No, there was a toothbrush in the bathroom, and it was mine."
29744,102,5,14,"Robin: Wait. Are you saying that for 8 years, you have shared a toothbrush every 3?"
29745,102,5,14,Marshall: Oh my god!
29746,102,5,14,Ted: Finish me!
29747,102,5,14,Robin: I'm having so much!
29748,102,5,14,Barney comes in with a woman.
29749,102,5,14,"Jim: So you're at four, he'll just make a 5 to 7."
29750,102,5,14,"Barney: Well done, Jim."
29751,102,5,14,"Jim: Hey, I try. I'm not you. It was then comes the night No 5, and trouble with."
29752,102,5,14,Fifth night...
29753,102,5,14,Ted: Beer! Salvation.
29754,102,5,14,Marshall: Hi. How is Barney?
29755,102,5,14,Ted: Like a charm. As all week.
29756,102,5,14,Marshall: Yeah? Hard to believe.
29757,102,5,14,Ted: Why?
29758,102,5,14,"Marshall: Apparently, this big merger last week went wrong, and Barney wears the hat."
29759,102,5,14,"Lily: Oh, it's weird. He said nothing."
29760,102,5,14,"Marshall: Even I who works with him, I just learned this afternoon when I walked past the office of his boss."
29761,102,5,14,Flashback
29762,102,5,14,Marshall is in front of the boss's office where Barney is lecturing.
29763,102,5,14,"Pattern:... what it has cost this company, Stinson?!"
29764,102,5,14,Marshall: I never thought about Barney so scared.
29765,102,5,14,End flashback
29766,102,5,14,Marshall: I think he'll get fired.
29767,102,5,14,Ted: I can not believe that Barney is going to get fired.
29768,102,5,14,"Marshall: Yeah, they have a meeting Friday to see if he keeps his job or not."
29769,102,5,14,Robin: Poor guy. It must pinball.
29770,102,5,14,Lily: I'll go talk to him.
29771,102,5,14,Ted: No! You can not distract a man who is right... you know what.
29772,102,5,14,"Lily: Come on, it's his career. This is much more important than a stupid without..."
29773,102,5,14,"Marshall: Ahh! Okay. You can lick my hand all you want, I will not let you ruin... Ouch!"
29774,102,5,14,Lily: It must go talk to him.
29775,102,5,14,Ted: I'm going. He needs a brother. Hey buddy.
29776,102,5,14,Barney: Hey!
29777,102,5,14,Ted: Is everything okay?
29778,102,5,14,Barney: Absolutely. A background. It could not get better. I make fun of that? I need you.
29779,102,5,14,Ted: Anything you want. What's the matter?
29780,102,5,14,Barney: Which of these girls look the most stupid?
29781,102,5,14,Ted: Let's see it. Already heated to perfection? The smashed out? Ok I will deal for Big Mac.
29782,102,5,14,"Barney: Thank you, Skip."
29783,102,5,14,Lily: So what did he say?
29784,102,5,14,"Ted: What? Oh, it will try with the girl holding the burger there."
29785,102,5,14,Lily: You were supposed to talk about his loss of job.
29786,102,5,14,"Ted: Lily, why is that force him to face a problem that can not adjust will help?"
29787,102,5,14,Lily: And why ignore it will fix things?
29788,102,5,14,Ted: You're much ignored the problems of dental hygiene for a dozen years. And yet you seem to...
29789,102,5,14,Lily: Jen Coulin!
29790,102,5,14,Robin: Jen Coulin.
29791,102,5,14,Ted: Dale you called?
29792,102,5,14,Robin: Why do you...
29793,102,5,14,"Marshall: Guys, guys, look!"
29794,102,5,14,
29795,102,5,14,Barney leaves the bar once again on the arm of a young woman.
29796,102,5,14,"Jim: Barney, I will interrupt you one second, I must ask you something. Have you ever taken Viagra?"
29797,102,5,14,"Barney: No, sir. I like to play by the rules. While I can not say I did not propose to."
29798,102,5,14,Flashback
29799,102,5,14,Barney is at Lily and Marshall.
29800,102,5,14,Marshall: It was pretty awesome. You should try it. I still have a few.
29801,102,5,14,Barney: No thank you.
29802,102,5,14,"Marshall: You sure? Ok, do as you like. What time is it?"
29803,102,5,14,Barney: It's 8:00.
29804,102,5,14,Marshall: 8:00? I have to go to hospital.
29805,102,5,14,End flashback
29806,102,5,14,"Barney: I've never touched. I can pee in a jar if you like, Jim Nantz."
29807,102,5,14,"Jim: Barney, I trust you. I miss you even ask the question. Let's talk about the night 6. Two girls prepared to perfection."
29808,102,5,14,Sixth night...
29809,102,5,14,Ted:... seriously guys.
29810,102,5,14,"Barney joined Marshall, Lily, Ted and Robin's apartment."
29811,102,5,14,Marshall: Hey!
29812,102,5,14,"Ted: Hey, what are you doing here? Returns to the bar!"
29813,102,5,14,"Barney: Ted, relax. I am already 6 of 6."
29814,102,5,14,Ted: Really?
29815,102,5,14,"Barney: Yeah. I ate at the Tavern of vegetables, I started talking to the Swedish Top Model, and the next moment we batifolait in the back of a carriage. Go my beautiful, Hue!"
29816,102,5,14,Ted: Great. What really happened?
29817,102,5,14,"Barney: I ate at the ""Staten Island Chili's,"" and I jumped a hairdresser completely stuffed. Are you happy, Ulysses?"
29818,102,5,14,"Lily: Barney, we know that you are going you may get fired. Wait, you ought to speak. You turn away from reality, kissing unnecessarily on all sides."
29819,102,5,14,"Barney: No vain, ok? Between number 5 and I, there was a connection. She will resume her studies, she has a child or who is studying... something with ""studies""."
29820,102,5,14,Ted: Now my students have taught me that Jen Coulin abandon my material.
29821,102,5,14,"Marshall: Oh, my God, you've really pushed to the limit."
29822,102,5,14,Robin: It scales all his education in the toilet.
29823,102,5,14,Ted: News from Dale?
29824,102,5,14,"Robin: It's only been five days, he will call!"
29825,102,5,14,Marshall: What do you care? You said it was a big con.
29826,102,5,14,"Robin: Tell Dale not like that, ok? It is twice as good as you never will!"
29827,102,5,14,"Lily: God forbid, if you manage to find a job, sell your apartment.Marshall and I, we have a free room. You can stay as long as you want."
29828,102,5,14,Robin: Forget not you bring your toothbrush.
29829,102,5,14,"Ted: Lily, what are you doing?"
29830,102,5,14,Lily: I talk to my friend who is going through a difficult period.
29831,102,5,14,Marshall: He's doing very well.
29832,102,5,14,"Lily: Try to sleep with seven women in seven nights, that's not what I would call ""very well get out."" It is a cry for help."
29833,102,5,14,Ted: His whole life is a call for help. But we do not mess with a man who is in the midst of a no...
29834,102,5,14,"Lily: What? Without fault? Flawless, faultless, flawless! Grow up a little!"
29835,102,5,14,Barney takes his jacket and leaves.
29836,102,5,14,"Jim: Unbelievable. You know, there are two things that do not.First: you do not open an email from Phil Simms to your children.And second: you do not wear bad luck to a man on track to flawless."
29837,102,5,14,"Barney: I do not know what to tell you, Lily is always trying to ruin me any."
29838,102,5,14,Jim: I think she cracked a bit for the Barnacle.
29839,102,5,14,"Barney: You have the eye to notice such details, Jim Nantz."
29840,102,5,14,Seventh night... In McLaren's.
29841,102,5,14,Ted: I can not believe that thou hast brought him bad luck.
29842,102,5,14,Marshall: He has no chance.
29843,102,5,14,"Lily: Ok, I have a question. If I ruined everything, why is it that Barney is in the process of hanging the girl three martinis in there?"
29844,102,5,14,"Ted: Oh, my God!"
29845,102,5,14,Marshall: There's going to happen!
29846,102,5,14,"Lily: Yeah, you know? Doors-jinx, it does not exist."
29847,102,5,14,"Jim: Do not tell me that she dared to say ""The door-jinx, it does not exist."""
29848,102,5,14,Barney: I wish I had power.
29849,102,5,14,Jim: You were about to achieve something so beautiful.
29850,102,5,14,"Barney: Well, thank you to her, the only thing that can prevent a stroke insured was about to walk out the door. A member of the New York Yankees World Champions in 2009."
29851,102,5,14,"Marshall: Lily, I'll buy my own toothbrush."
29852,102,5,14,"Ted: Well, that's it. Barney's still got to 6."
29853,102,5,14,Robin: What? Why? Because the guy with the weird cut went back?
29854,102,5,14,Marshall: This is Nick Swisher. It is part of the New York Yankees. No regular guy from New York can not compete with a Yankee.
29855,102,5,14,"Ted: And this is true for a former Yankee. When I arrived here, I was the fourth date with a girl I loved a lot before I do the fly by Phil Rizzuto."
29856,102,5,14,"Marshall: I was there. Damn, this guy could play."
29857,102,5,14,Robin: I'm still not.
29858,102,5,14,"Lily: Ok, let me do it the Canadian So how do you react if one of those guys with skates and sticks came back here?"
29859,102,5,14,"Robin: Lily, if one of the Vancouver Canucks came here, I fall on my ass so that there would be a hole halfway to China in the soil."
29860,102,5,14,Ted: It's the same thing for the Yankees.
29861,102,5,14,"Robin: Oh, Barney's done."
29862,102,5,14,"Marshall: It's happening, look."
29863,102,5,14,Barney: You wanna come to my house and watch the collection of snowballs?
29864,102,5,14,Marshall: A collection of snow globes?
29865,102,5,14,Ted: He is pinball.
29866,102,5,14,Woman: It's Nick Swisher!
29867,102,5,14,Overall: Nice try.
29868,102,5,14,"Ted: It was well played, well played, well played."
29869,102,5,14,Barney: But not play well enough. All this week was a waste of time. And tomorrow I'm getting fired.
29870,102,5,14,"Marshall: I'm sorry. But for what it's worth, this week was not a waste of time. We all had a horrible week, and you have helped us change a little air."
29871,102,5,14,"Ted: Yeah, I got my first drop."
29872,102,5,14,"Robin: I met my soul mate, and he never called back. Well, not yet. He will. He will."
29873,102,5,14,Marshall: We frightened a couple great just because we share a toothbrush.
29874,102,5,14,Barney: You share a toothbrush?
29875,102,5,14,"Robin: Well, they and Ted."
29876,102,5,14,Barney:... Huh?
29877,102,5,14,"Ted: Wait a minute. When we went out together, you borrow the toothbrush all the time."
29878,102,5,14,"Robin: Oh, sh1t."
29879,102,5,14,"Ted (2030): And that's when Aunt Lily has seen what is great about sport, they make you forget about your problems, but only for a little while. And deep within us, we all needed this flawlessly."
29880,102,5,14,"Ted: At the second she sits next to Swisher, we reach the end."
29881,102,5,14,"Marshall: Wait a minute! Aldrin was seen. She tries to escape, she jumps, and... I thought she would not do that."
29882,102,5,14,"Woman: Oh my God, are you?"
29883,102,5,14,"Lily: Yeah, sorry. I'm so clumsy! Oh, thank you. I think I twisted my ankle. Do what you can bring me some ice?"
29884,102,5,14,Woman: Sure.
29885,102,5,14,Marshall: She did! I believe that there is no jinx finally.
29886,102,5,14,"Wendy: I'm bringing ice, Lily."
29887,102,5,14,Marshall: Damn. Swisher is back in play Swisher is back in play!
29888,102,5,14,"Ted: Follow me. Hey, Nick Swisher! This guy and his wife share a toothbrush!"
29889,102,5,14,Nick: And?
29890,102,5,14,"Ted: And it's weird, right?"
29891,102,5,14,"Nick: Actually, I think it's cute. Are we not try to find someone who could share his toothbrush?"
29892,102,5,14,"Marshall: I'm sorry. Lily, Nick Swisher think it's cute."
29893,102,5,14,Barney: Martini?
29894,102,5,14,"Ted: You take a beer with a Yankee, if that's not cool!"
29895,102,5,14,"Robin: That's great, I'm all baseball. Mookie Wilson, while a player eh?"
29896,102,5,14,"Nick: Yeah, baseball is great, but I tell you, this is not hockey."
29897,102,5,14,Robin: I live just above.
29898,102,5,14,Woman: What do you say we go home?
29899,102,5,14,"Barney: Wow, to be honest, this is not my habit, but I feel a real connection, Number 7... Christy. I beg you. I did it! I did it!"
29900,102,5,14,Ted and Marshall are Barney.
29901,102,5,14,Jim: Unbelievable. Congratulations on your faultless.
29902,102,5,14,"Barney: Thank you, Jim. I would never have done it without the help of my friends."
29903,102,5,14,"Jim: Hey, on another subject, you really think you could get fired today?"
29904,102,5,14,"Barney: Uh, Jim, I told you I wanted to talk about it."
29905,102,5,14,"Jim: Barney, I go straight from your imagination, so apparently we must talk! Think about it."
29906,102,5,14,Barney: What a c**t.
29907,102,5,14,Jim: You're the idiot.
29908,102,5,14,Woman: Mr. Donovan will see you now.
29909,102,5,14,"Mr Donovan: Stinson, we made a decision. We keep you. I know this last week has been hard."
29910,102,5,14,Barney: I barely slept.
29911,102,5,14,The band is at the bar.
29912,102,5,14,"Marshall: That's the guy, the official caps of no fault of Barney. I was going to make t-shirts, but you know, sizes, all that, and it would hurt me to think."
29913,102,5,14,"Lily: In commemoration, at the entrance to the Barney legend, this tie, worn during his seventh night of her flawless, freshly removed."
29914,102,5,14,"Marshall: May the heroic story of Barney to be remembered, and transmitted from generation to generation."
29915,102,5,14,"Ted: I already see myself in front of my children, trying to tell them when their uncle Barney kissed 7 chicks in a row."
29916,102,5,14,Ted (2030): Is what I'm a bad father?
29917,102,5,14,In McLaren's...
29918,102,5,14,Wendy: A command to Coulin Jen? It has a large commission for Jen Coulin here.
29919,102,5,14,"Ted: You send Wendy to say now? Go! It's good, I understood.Jen Coulin is a crap name, and it becomes increasingly shitty when it is repeated. Jen Coulin. Jen Coulin. Jen Coulin."
29920,102,5,14,Jen: Present.
29921,103,5,15,"Kids, I remember one time we all gathered at my apartment to watch the Superbowl. Well, not all of us..."
29922,103,5,15,(cut to Barney at the stadium holding a sign)
29923,103,5,15,"TV anchor: ""Welcome back to Superbowl XLIV in Miami. Get a load of that guy! You think that's his real number?"""
29924,103,5,15,"Ted: Well, that explains where Barney is."
29925,103,5,15,Robin: Dibs on his wings!
29926,103,5,15,(credits)
29927,103,5,15,(at McLaren's)
29928,103,5,15,"Barney: Hey, guys!"
29929,103,5,15,Ted: Hey!
29930,103,5,15,Barney: Does anyone know who won the Superbowl?
29931,103,5,15,Marshall: You were there. It was the...
29932,103,5,15,"Barney: I won! Because I'm now in possession of a magic phone that always rings. And you know who's always usually on the other end? A chick. So how many chicks do I have calling me now? Infinity! Guys, remember Ranjit?"
29933,103,5,15,Ranjit: Hello.
29934,103,5,15,"Ted: Hey, Ranjit!"
29935,103,5,15,Marshall: Good to see you.
29936,103,5,15,Barney: OK I've enlisted Ranjit's services as my personal driver because for the next week I'll be sleeping with hundreds of women and I don't want to take the subway cause... you know... germs!
29937,103,5,15,"Ted: Wait, you're... you're actually gonna hook up with these girls that call you?"
29938,103,5,15,"Barney: Oh, indubitably! I'm meeting the first one here any minute. Keep your eyes pealed for a red sweater. Based on her texts, she's dirty, dyslexic and want to 96 me, semi-colon and parenthesis."
29939,103,5,15,Ted: This ought to be good. I can only imagine the quality of girls...
29940,103,5,15,"Red-sweater girl: Hi, you ARE the guy from the Superbowl."
29941,103,5,15,"Barney: Magic phone, guys. (whispers) Magic phone!"
29942,103,5,15,(Robin comes in)
29943,103,5,15,"Robin: Oh, hey guys, hey Ranjit."
29944,103,5,15,Lily: Hey.
29945,103,5,15,Marshall: How's it going?
29946,103,5,15,Ted: That beer looks a little flat.
29947,103,5,15,"Robin: Nuh, it's scotch."
29948,103,5,15,"Ted: Something troubling you, kiddo?"
29949,103,5,15,Robin: Hhhhh Don.
29950,103,5,15,"Don was Aunt Robin's co-host on her morning show. Now even though her show was on so early that noone watched, Aunt Robin was a consummate professional. But Don was not."
29951,103,5,15,(flashback to Robin's morning show)
29952,103,5,15,Don: Oh yeahh!
29953,103,5,15,"But that morning, Don had gone too far."
29954,103,5,15,Robin: Now that's what I call having a woof over your head. Don. DON?
29955,103,5,15,"Don: Why is ""Ulee's Gold"" in every crossword? On to me? Sorry, sorry... Next Sunday is Valentine's Day. And one lucky patient will be receiving a very special chocolate heart: a human heart. OK, that reminds me, I've been meaning to ask you... Robin, do you have any Valentine's Day plans?"
29956,103,5,15,(back at Mc Laren's)
29957,103,5,15,Lily: He asked you out?
29958,103,5,15,Robin: He asked me out.
29959,103,5,15,"Ted: That's crazy! And they use ""Ulee"" because of the vowels."
29960,103,5,15,Marshall: What did you say?
29961,103,5,15,"Robin: Well we were on the air, I was on the spot, so I said OK."
29962,103,5,15,"Lily: Oh, oh, oh!"
29963,103,5,15,"Marshall: Robin, you're gonna marry this man so freaking hard, right in the butt."
29964,103,5,15,Robin: What? Nooo I HATE Don. And now I can't cancel because I said I would go out with him on the air.
29965,103,5,15,Marshall: What would your viewers think?
29966,103,5,15,"Ted: Wow wow wow, you said you'd go out with him on Valentine's? I thought we had plans!"
29967,103,5,15,Robin: Getting drunk and cleaning the apartment was a plan?
29968,103,5,15,Ted: I did NOT...say... it was a good plan.
29969,103,5,15,"Barney: Guys, guys, guys, we're on me now. And it is getting in-teh-resting. Looks at these texts. Read this one. Yowza! Now look at this one. Does she text her mother with those fingers? Now look at this one... or this one, or this one, or this one, or..."
29970,103,5,15,"Ted: OK OK OK buddy, how about you do this? Go nail that girl, then read your texts."
29971,103,5,15,"Barney: I can't do that, Ted. I just can't hook up with a girl if there is a hotter girl out there with whom up can be hooked."
29972,103,5,15,Lily: Isn't there always a hotter girl?
29973,103,5,15,"Barney: I know, isn't it wonderful? (answers phone) Go for Barney. Cut to the chase, what's your cup size?...Oh, hi Mom!"
29974,103,5,15,"Ted: So there's a hotter girl. Isn't that the problem in a nutshell? There's too many options. You got internet dating, you got bars..."
29975,103,5,15,Lily: Holding up your phone number on national TV.
29976,103,5,15,"Ranjit: I never had that problem. When I was 18, I had an arranged marriage. And I love my wife more and more every day."
29977,103,5,15,Ted: Hm.
29978,103,5,15,Marshall: It is true. It's very rare that two people just meet and fall madly in love... like Robin and Don.
29979,103,5,15,"Robin: Oh but we're not even like going out for dinner, we're just hanging out at his place."
29980,103,5,15,All of them: Ooohhh ahh!
29981,103,5,15,"Robin: No, it's not like that. It's just us and a bunch of other people."
29982,103,5,15,All the them: Wooooooo!... (then they stop and think)
29983,103,5,15,"Lily: Wait, Robin, what exactly did Don say when he asked you out?"
29984,103,5,15,(flashback to the set)
29985,103,5,15,Don: I'm having some friends over at my place for a party. You should come by if you want.
29986,103,5,15,Robin: Errrrrrr...I... OK.
29987,103,5,15,(back at McLaren's)
29988,103,5,15,"Lily: Robin, Don didn't ask you out."
29989,103,5,15,"Robin: Err, of course he asked me out."
29990,103,5,15,Ted: Err no he didn't.
29991,103,5,15,"Robin: Yes, he did. He did. He did. He DID!"
29992,103,5,15,Ranjit: OK.
29993,103,5,15,"Marshall: Well, dog my cats! I think I know what's going on here. Robin... did you WANT Don to ask out?"
29994,103,5,15,"Robin: Whaaat?!! (in a high voice) (huffs) Nooo, I HATE Don! I-I-I can't stop thinking how much I hate him, it's like, it's like... all the time. I just wanna attack him and rip his stupid clothes off and spank him with his little paddle until his bum's all red. SHUT UP!! (leaves the table)"
29995,103,5,15,"Ted: See! That right there is what free will gets you. Constant ego-shattering uncertainty. I'm done with that. I want what Ranjit has. I've spent my entire adult life looking for the perfect woman and I'm spending Valentine's Day scrubbing the toilet. I need someone else to find me that woman. Marshall, Lily, arrange-marriage me!"
29996,103,5,15,"Barney: (walks by, phone ringing)Or this one, or this one, or this one..."
29997,103,5,15,Marshall: You want us to arrange your marriage?
29998,103,5,15,"Ted: Absolutely. Looks there's two sides to dating, right? Picking and getting picked. Getting picked, I'm good at. Ladies looove Teddy Westside."
29999,103,5,15,"Marshall: You're waiting for me to comment on your self-assigned nickname? Well, here's my comment. I love it."
30000,103,5,15,Ted: Really?! (excited)
30001,103,5,15,Marshall: Teddy Westside? Continue.
30002,103,5,15,"Ted: It's the picking, I suck at. I pick the wrong girls. But you guys, you're the best pickers I know. You picked each other."
30003,103,5,15,Lily: Oh well with the slight assist from the Wesleyan housing department.
30004,103,5,15,Marshall: And a healthy splash of Drakkar Noir. (they hive five) (Robin giggles)
30005,103,5,15,"Ted: Get out there and find me a girl. We'll double date on Valentine's Day. If I like her, I will marry her... if she's cool with it. And she will be. Cause I'll wear my nice blazer."
30006,103,5,15,Marshall: I love that blazer. Almost as much as Robin loves Don.
30007,103,5,15,Robin: I do not love Don.
30008,103,5,15,"Marshall: Robin, neurologically speaking, the part of the human brain that makes you hate people is located right next to the part of the brain that makes you want to jump people's bones. The two responses are so similar, it's hard to tell them apart."
30009,103,5,15,"Ted: You know what it's like? Wait, I have to get a book. Give me 30 seconds."
30010,103,5,15,(22 minutes later)
30011,103,5,15,"Ted: OK this is fun. Look at this picture. It's a rabbit! You can look at it for hours and be absolutely sure it's a rabbit. But then one day, you look at it and you realize, ""wait a second, it's a duck!"" Rabbit, duck, rabbit, duck. Isn't it fun?"
30012,103,5,15,It sure was.
30013,103,5,15,"Marshall: Relationships are like that. I mean, look, when you first met Don, you hated him, you thought ""This guy's a duck"", but one of these days you're gonna realize ""This is actually someone that I love, he's a rabbit""."
30014,103,5,15,"Ted: Wow I think you got it backwards there, buddy. The duck is the thing you love, the rabbit is the thing you hate."
30015,103,5,15,Marshall: What?!!
30016,103,5,15,"Robin: Yeah I got to agree. Duck's up, rabbit down."
30017,103,5,15,Lily: Definitely. Ducks are better than rabbits.
30018,103,5,15,"Marshall: I got... ducks are... ducks are... rabbits are adorable. Ducks are aargh. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? I mean, ducks are... jerks."
30019,103,5,15,This lead to one of the most intense arguments our group has ever had.
30020,103,5,15,(flash forward)
30021,103,5,15,Ted: Duck is delicious. Rabbit is all gamey.
30022,103,5,15,"Marshall: (yelling) We're not talking about flavour, Ted."
30023,103,5,15,Ted: (yelling as well) Flavour counts.
30024,103,5,15,(flash forward)
30025,103,5,15,Marshall: Who carries a duck's foot for good luck? Anyone?
30026,103,5,15,(flash forward)
30027,103,5,15,"Robin: You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. (almost yells) I wrap myself in one stuffed with duck feathers. Who's cosier? No, no, no, no, no, no... who's cosier?"
30028,103,5,15,(flash forward)
30029,103,5,15,"Ted: Hold on, I've got to get another book."
30030,103,5,15,(flash forward)
30031,103,5,15,"(Ranjit rants on in his mother tongue, probably Bengali, the official language of Bengladesh.)"
30032,103,5,15,(flash forward)
30033,103,5,15,"Ted: Then why don't we take, a rabbit, a duck, stick 'em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out?"
30034,103,5,15,"Marshall: Because it's illegal, Ted!"
30035,103,5,15,"Ted: Only if we bet on it, Marshall!"
30036,103,5,15,(flash forward)
30037,103,5,15,Marshall: FINE! I CAN SEE IT! YOU WIN!
30038,103,5,15,Robin: Say it.
30039,103,5,15,Ted: You have to say it.
30040,103,5,15,"Marshall: Duck's good... (long pause, then whispers...) rabbit's bad."
30041,103,5,15,Robin: YAYYYYY.
30042,103,5,15,Lily: YAY.
30043,103,5,15,Ted: YESSS.
30044,103,5,15,"Robin: Thank you. And Don is, and always will be, a rabbit."
30045,103,5,15,"Ted: Oh I wouldn't be so sure about that, Robin. Think about it. Don... Donald. Donald... Duck. (Marshall sighs heavily) And what, I wonder, does Donald Duck never wear?"
30046,103,5,15,Lily: Pants.
30047,103,5,15,"Ted: Pants. Don's... a duck. (Lily and Marshall sigh in awe of Ted) Permission to say ""lawyered""?"
30048,103,5,15,Marshall: I'll allow it.
30049,103,5,15,Ted: Lawyered.
30050,103,5,15,"Yes, kids, sometimes there's a fine line between love and hate. Case and point."
30051,103,5,15,(Barney's bedroom)
30052,103,5,15,"Barney: There is no place I would rather be and no one I would rather be with... (phone rings) I should get that. (picks up in the kitchen) Go for Barney... Look, I'm sort of in the middle of someone, something right now and I... You're a hot lady bullfighter?... (to the girl in his room) You gotta go."
30053,103,5,15,(Ranjit's cab)
30054,103,5,15,Barney: McLaren's pub.
30055,103,5,15,Ranjit: McLaren's pub.
30056,103,5,15,(at McLaren's)
30057,103,5,15,"Barney: Well, heeelllooo."
30058,103,5,15,(back in Barney's bedroom)
30059,103,5,15,"Barney: There is no place I would rather be, and no one I would rather be... (phone rings) Would you excuse me for one moment? (picks up in the kitchen) Go for Barney, look, I... You're a gold medalist japanese figure skater? (to the lady bullfighter) Adios, muchacha!"
30060,103,5,15,(Ranjit's cab)
30061,103,5,15,Barney: McLaren's pub.
30062,103,5,15,Ranjit: McLaren's pub.
30063,103,5,15,(at McLaren's)
30064,103,5,15,"Barney: Well, heeelllooo."
30065,103,5,15,(back in Barney's bedroom)
30066,103,5,15,"Barney: No place I'd rather be, no one I'd rather b... (phone rings) baaah... for Pete's sake. (picks up in the kitchen) You're a HOT chick? (to the skater) Sayonara."
30067,103,5,15,
30068,103,5,15,(Ranjit's cab)
30069,103,5,15,Barney: McLaren's pub.
30070,103,5,15,Ranjit: McLaren's pub.
30071,103,5,15,(at McLaren's)
30072,103,5,15,"Barney: Well, heeelllooo."
30073,103,5,15,"Hot Chick: I realize that you're very busy, so I'll just get straight to the point."
30074,103,5,15,Barney: OK.
30075,103,5,15,"(she puts her left leg behind her neck, opens her beer bottle with her toes, grabs the bottle with her right hand and drinks)"
30076,103,5,15,Barney: Ay ay ay.
30077,103,5,15,Hot Chick: And that's my bad leg. Very bad. (phone rings) Are you OK?
30078,103,5,15,"Barney: Yeah of course. Why, why wouldn't I be?... (picks up) Go for Barney."
30079,103,5,15,Barney had been sure that phone was something he loved. But now he realized it wasn't that at all. It was something else entirely.
30080,103,5,15,"(Barney loses it and sees the phone as a cute/bad white rabbit, runs to the back alley and drops the phone in the bin)"
30081,103,5,15,Barney: I'm free.
30082,103,5,15,(back in his bedroom)
30083,103,5,15,"Barney: Ahh now this feels right. There is no place I would rather be, and no one I would rather be... (hears THE phone ringing)"
30084,103,5,15,Hot Chick: What's wrong?
30085,103,5,15,Barney: Did you hear that?
30086,103,5,15,Hot Chick: Hear what?
30087,103,5,15,Barney: Shhhhhhhh. (loses his mind) aaahhhh
30088,103,5,15,(Ranjit's cab)
30089,103,5,15,Barney: McLaren's pub!!
30090,103,5,15,Ranjit: McLaren's pub!
30091,103,5,15,(Barney goes through the bar to the back alley and searches the bin for the phone.)
30092,103,5,15,"Barney: (crying) Go-o for Barrr-neeeeyy. (back to business) D cups, really?"
30093,103,5,15,"Finally Valentine's Day arrived. The deadline for Marshall and Lily to find me a wife. An important job they had...well, forgotten to do."
30094,103,5,15,(at McLaren's)
30095,103,5,15,Marshall: Aren't we supposed to go on a double date with Ted?
30096,103,5,15,"Lily: Ted? No, he's not seeing anyone. Remember, he asked us to find..."
30097,103,5,15,"Marshall: Oh, no."
30098,103,5,15,(they start running through the bar in search of Ted's future wife)
30099,103,5,15,"Marshall: Hey! Hey, wanna get married?"
30100,103,5,15,(cut to Lily)
30101,103,5,15,"Lily: (annoyed) I don't know what kind of architect? Houses, buildings, that kind of crap."
30102,103,5,15,"(cut to Marshall, there are 3 women sitting together)"
30103,103,5,15,Marshall: (to the 1st one) Wanna marry my friend Ted? (to the 2nd one) Wanna marry my friend Ted? (to the 3d one) Wanna marry my friend Ted?
30104,103,5,15,(back to Lily)
30105,103,5,15,"Lily: You can be choosey? You're in a bar on Valentine's Day, uh!"
30106,103,5,15,(cut to Marshall to a blond at the bar)
30107,103,5,15,"Marshall: Hey, just real quick... (the girl pepper-sprays him, he writhes in pain) you wanna marry my friend Ted?"
30108,103,5,15,(back to Lily and Marshall)
30109,103,5,15,"Lily: Man, Ted's right, it's tough out there."
30110,103,5,15,"Marshall: This is stupid. You know what, we forgot about this. I'm sure Ted did also."
30111,103,5,15,(Robin and Ted's apartment)
30112,103,5,15,"Ted: Here comes the groom in his favorite blazer, gonna meet my wife and I'm...laser, tazer, gaze her, take, bathe her?"
30113,103,5,15,"Robin: Hey, Ted?"
30114,103,5,15,Ted: Yeah?
30115,103,5,15,"Robin: Before you go meet your future wife, why don't you swing by Don's party with me?"
30116,103,5,15,Ted: That's what you're wearing?
30117,103,5,15,"Robin: Yeah, why?"
30118,103,5,15,"Ted: He's a duck. That dude be straight-ducking. ""And I think that I'll amaze her"". Nailed it!"
30119,103,5,15,So we went to Don's party.
30120,103,5,15,(in the hall to Don's apartment)
30121,103,5,15,"Ted: Look, Robin, I don't wanna crowd you on your little date here, so if things start to get hot and heavy with Don..."
30122,103,5,15,Robin: They're not gonna get...
30123,103,5,15,"Ted: I'm just saying, if they do... I'll just say ""Well, I got a dinner res"" and then, wait this is the last part, I've been working on it for a while... I'll duck out."
30124,103,5,15,"Robin: Ha ha ha. It's not gonna get happen... but yeah, do that!"
30125,103,5,15,(Don's apartment)
30126,103,5,15,"Don: Hello, Robin. (he gets up from the couch, he's naked, except for a heart-shaped red chocolate box covering his privates)"
30127,103,5,15,"Ted: Well, I got a dinner res... (Ted ducks out)"
30128,103,5,15,"Robin: Come... god, Don, what the hell are you doing?"
30129,103,5,15,"Don: I don't know. It's something called the Naked Man. I read about it on some guy's blog. My god, I'm so stupid, why did I ever think it would work on someone like you?"
30130,103,5,15,"Robin: Yeah, cause I would never, could like, standards, so... you know... I thought this was a party."
30131,103,5,15,Don: I only said that to get you to come over here. I didn't think you'd bring a date.
30132,103,5,15,Robin: Ted's not my date. He's a friend.
30133,103,5,15,"Don: Oh god, you probably think I'm some kind of playboy now, right?"
30134,103,5,15,Robin: (sees Don with imaginary rabbit's ears) You could say that.
30135,103,5,15,(later at Robin and Ted's)
30136,103,5,15,Ted: So he's a rabbit. At least you know for sure.
30137,103,5,15,"Robin: Ted, this may hurt a little, I'm recycling your old Architecture Weekly magazines."
30138,103,5,15,Ted: What are you doing?
30139,103,5,15,Robin: Cleaning. You go on your date. Happy Valentine's Day.
30140,103,5,15,(in front of the restaurant)
30141,103,5,15,"Marshall: Oh, thank god, you're here!"
30142,103,5,15,"Ted: Yeah, I've been thinking, hmm, maybe we should call this whole thing off..."
30143,103,5,15,"Marshall: No. Ted. We got her. It's, it's the craziest thing. We were searching all week and then a couple hours ago..."
30144,103,5,15,(flashback to McLaren's)
30145,103,5,15,Marshall: Trudy?
30146,103,5,15,Lily: Married.
30147,103,5,15,Marshall: Blah Blah?
30148,103,5,15,Lily: Committed.
30149,103,5,15,Marshall: Relationship?
30150,103,5,15,Lily: Bellevue.
30151,103,5,15,Marshall: Natalie?
30152,103,5,15,Lily: Ted's her least favorite person in the world.
30153,103,5,15,"Marshall: Well, she's not getting any younger."
30154,103,5,15,(Barney shows up)
30155,103,5,15,"Barney: Get rid of it. This phone is cursed. Cursed, I tell you! I tried to ignore it but it just never stops ringing. It's ruining my life! I should get that. (Marshall takes it away from him) No, please, please, please, Marshall, let me answer it, it could be an emergency, she could be trapped in a giant bra."
30156,103,5,15,"Ranjit: Barney, Barney, let it go... to voicemail. (carries him to the cab)"
30157,103,5,15,Barney: (mumbles) OK... (cries into Ranjit's shoulder)
30158,103,5,15,Marshall: We have to find Ted a wife. We're being too choosey. It almost doesn't matter who it is at this point. (both look over at Barney's phone)
30159,103,5,15,(flash forward to the front of the restaurant)
30160,103,5,15,Ted: It's a phone girl!?
30161,103,5,15,"Marshall: I know, I know... but no, then we met her and Ted... she's a world-class violinist, she's a gourmet cook and she can quote every line from Caddy Shack."
30162,103,5,15,Ted: Wow.
30163,103,5,15,"Hot Chick: Hello, Ted! ""And what brings you to this nape of the woods, neck of the wape? Why are you here?"" (Ted's impressed)"
30164,103,5,15,"So we all had dinner. And kids, Lily and Marshall's hard work had paid off. Because that girl was terrific. In fact..."
30165,103,5,15,"Marshall: Oh but Natalia, tell Ted the problem."
30166,103,5,15,"Lily: Yeah, yeah, tell him, tell him!"
30167,103,5,15,"Natalia: Well, unfortunately I'm going to have to leave the country soon because my visa is about to expire."
30168,103,5,15,Lily: (whispers) She needs to get married.
30169,103,5,15,Marshall: (whispers too) Federal law expressly dictates that a foreign national can't maintain residency for longer than six months without a work visa.
30170,103,5,15,But when it came down to it...
30171,103,5,15,"Waiter: And you, Sir? The rabbit or the duck?"
30172,103,5,15,Ted: What?
30173,103,5,15,"Waiter: It's a pre-fixed menu for Valentine's Day and we're already out of the steak, fish and chicken. So rabbit or duck?"
30174,103,5,15,"Ted: Rabbit. Sorry, guys, I gotta go. (he leaves)"
30175,103,5,15,Marshall: Why would Ted order the rabbit if he's just gonna run out?
30176,103,5,15,(Barney comes in)
30177,103,5,15,"Barney: I need it back. Where is the phone? Well, heeellooooo. Oh I met you already. Where is the phone?"
30178,103,5,15,Lily: It's hidden.
30179,103,5,15,Barney: Where?
30180,103,5,15,"Where had Aunt Lily hidden the phone? Well, to answer that question, we have to back up a little bit."
30181,103,5,15,(flashback to Robin and Ted's)
30182,103,5,15,Robin: You go on your date. Happy Valentine's Day.
30183,103,5,15,"(we hear Barney's phone, Ted walks over to the piano)"
30184,103,5,15,Ted: Barney's phone... I wonder how it got in there?
30185,103,5,15,Robin: Ted! Come on. Big date.
30186,103,5,15,Ted: Uh what's the harm... Hello!
30187,103,5,15,"And just like that, I was hooked."
30188,103,5,15,(flashforward to the front of the restaurant)
30189,103,5,15,Ted: Terrific. I will see you there. And I'll be the guy in the awesome blazer. Ah ah ah I think you'll know the blazer when you see it. Oooh! I gotta go.
30190,103,5,15,"Marshall: Oh, thank god, you're here."
30191,103,5,15,(flashforward to inside the restaurant)
30192,103,5,15,Waiter: So rabbit or duck?
30193,103,5,15,"Ted: Rabbit. Sorry, guys, I gotta go."
30194,103,5,15,(back at McLaren's)
30195,103,5,15,"Ted: Well, heeellooooo. (to a pretty girl ; phone rings) Sorry, babe, I gotta take this. Barney's phone, Teddy Westside speaking."
30196,103,5,15,Barney: My phone. I'm taking it back. And I'm taking your cool nickname too. Barney Westside speaking.
30197,103,5,15,"Ted: No, no, I love it so much. It just keeps ringing and ringing and ringing. Give it, give it."
30198,103,5,15,"Barney: (picks up) Hey, baby..."
30199,103,5,15,Ted: It's mine now.
30200,103,5,15,Barney: It's not your phone. (they fight over it)
30201,103,5,15,Marshall: Lily. (hands her the phone). No. No! (Barney grabs his neck) Aaaargh.
30202,103,5,15,Lily: (drops the phone into a pitcher) Oops.
30203,103,5,15,(later at Robin and Ted's)
30204,103,5,15,Ted: Being single sucks. It turns you into a crazy person.
30205,103,5,15,Robin: I know. So much running around and freaking out. For what?
30206,103,5,15,Ted: So long as you can find someone you can sit on the couch and put off cleaning the bathroom with.
30207,103,5,15,"Robin: Well, the joke's on the rest of the world cause we can do that on our own."
30208,103,5,15,Ted: Exactly.
30209,103,5,15,Robin: Exactly.
30210,103,5,15,"(next morning, on the set)"
30211,103,5,15,"Don: Robin, I have to apologize..."
30212,103,5,15,Robin: Save it. Let's just do the news.
30213,103,5,15,"Don: No. Listen... after you left the other night, I was embarrassed. Not because I was naked. I'm actually pretty OK with my body."
30214,103,5,15,Robin: Clearly.
30215,103,5,15,"Don: I got married in college. I just got divorced three months ago. I have no idea how to be single. But that's not why I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed by my behavior right here at Channel...hmm, it starts with a 1, I know that, but..."
30216,103,5,15,Robin: 12.
30217,103,5,15,Don: 12!...
30218,103,5,15,Robin: You can... just look at your mug.
30219,103,5,15,"Don: Right. Well, no, you look at this mug (point to his face). You are a tremendous news anchor. And you deserve a co-anchor who gives a crap. And from here on out, it's gonna be me."
30220,103,5,15,"Robin: Well, I'll believe that when I see it."
30221,103,5,15,"Don: Well, you'll see it right now. I'll go get you some coffee."
30222,103,5,15,Robin: Don!! You're wearing pants!
30223,103,5,15,"Don: Well, look at that!"
30224,103,5,15,"Robin: (sees him with an imaginary duck's beak) Uh, duck!"
30225,104,5,16,"Ted (2030): The children in my stories, I'm a romantic idealist in search of true love. In it, I'm just stupid."
30226,104,5,16,Ted joined the band at McLaren's.
30227,104,5,16,"Ted: Friends, tonight is the night. I invite Tiffany home to see my collection of vintage cameras."
30228,104,5,16,Barney: It's the lure of Ted.
30229,104,5,16,Lily: Bait?
30230,104,5,16,Barney: A true gentleman invents an excuse to bring home a respectable lady. Something interesting or beautiful that can claim to admire for 5 minutes before it starts on the track.
30231,104,5,16,"Ted: As if she had to ""borrow a book"" or ""listen to old vinyl."""
30232,104,5,16,Marshall: Or see your new poster rap.
30233,104,5,16,Robin: Post rap? On which it would work?
30234,104,5,16,Lily: It was the first week of college. I was way into Wu-Tang Clan.
30235,104,5,16,"Barney: It's tricky. It must be interesting enough that the girl up, but not too much not to spoil the evening."
30236,104,5,16,Flashback
30237,104,5,16,Barney is a girl with him and they play a slot machine.
30238,104,5,16,Barney: The slot machine is too much fun. And a trampoline... that's actually too dangerous. But I finally found the perfect bait... A mini pig.
30239,104,5,16,End flashback
30240,104,5,16,Ted: A mini pig? On which it would work?
30241,104,5,16,Lily: You got a mini pig?
30242,104,5,16,Robin: You can see the mini pig?
30243,104,5,16,Ted: I can borrow your mini pig?
30244,104,5,16,"Barney: Yes, you can borrow."
30245,104,5,16,Tiffany is in the apartment with Ted.
30246,104,5,16,Tiffany: You have a mini pig? I can not believe it! You're too cute!You're the cutest little pig on Earth! What?
30247,104,5,16,"Ted: You've always been so beautiful? You're going out on ""In high school I was super shy and I in my skin""?"
30248,104,5,16,Tiffany: I was shy and ill at ease. I'd like 50 more pounds and protruding teeth.
30249,104,5,16,Ted: Seriously?
30250,104,5,16,Tiffany: No. I was always canon. What can I do? You know who else would love this mini pig? (He goes to kiss) My boyfriend.
30251,104,5,16,GENERIC
30252,104,5,16,Ted: You got a boyfriend?
30253,104,5,16,"Tiffany: I know... Boring, eh? Finally, it is... not really my boyfriend."
30254,104,5,16,Ted: Okay.
30255,104,5,16,"Tiffany: Well, technically it is."
30256,104,5,16,Ted: He is or not?
30257,104,5,16,Tiffany: A little each but not both.
30258,104,5,16,Ted: Do you understand anything?
30259,104,5,16,"Tiffany: I appreciate you. But you must be patient. I do not want to lose you, my Dark Brown."
30260,104,5,16,Ted: Someone does not want to lose his Dark Brown.
30261,104,5,16,Robin: She gave you her hook.
30262,104,5,16,Ted: What? I am not to his hook.
30263,104,5,16,"Barney: Yes, completely."
30264,104,5,16,"Robin: It gives you false hope, but it does not engage with you, but it keeps you in the corner, just in case, like... an old canned chili in the pantry."
30265,104,5,16,Lily: Who would buy a can of chili for not eating it away?
30266,104,5,16,"Marshall: Amen, sister."
30267,104,5,16,"Robin: Do you feel pretty good. It is gone. It was on both sides. I was hooked and crocheter. It's good guys. I was shameless, but I did not have money problems."
30268,104,5,16,"Marshall: I've been hooked. Lisa Walker. See the scene... In 1994, St. Cloud, Minnesota."
30269,104,5,16,Flashback
30270,104,5,16,Marshall is sitting outside his house with a girl.
30271,104,5,16,"Marshall: So I was, like, thinking, Lisa, do, perhaps you want, like, go out with me?"
30272,104,5,16,"Lisa: It sounds great. But I'm seeing this guy. It has a LeBaron convertible and an unlimited pass to the rink, so I would not miss it."
30273,104,5,16,Marshall: I understand.
30274,104,5,16,Lisa: What if we did that? You could be my secret boyfriend who does all my homework.
30275,104,5,16,Marshall: Okay. Wanna see my post of rap?
30276,104,5,16,End flashback
30277,104,5,16,Lily: Whore posting!
30278,104,5,16,Marshall: So... Lisa Walker gave me false hope for months until one night I went to tell him how much I loved her. In song.
30279,104,5,16,Flashback
30280,104,5,16,Lisa Marshall is waiting outside her home.
30281,104,5,16,"Marshall: She was not home yet so I waited. And expected. I woke up, covered with snow, after 4h. And then I saw them. The footprints of Lisa. She had passed right by me to the house."
30282,104,5,16,End flashback
30283,104,5,16,Marshall: It was fine in the end. It freed me from its hook.
30284,104,5,16,Ted: That's not the same with me and Tiffany. Listen.
30285,104,5,16,Flashback
30286,104,5,16,Tiffany: You interest me very much. But I can not be with you for now.
30287,104,5,16,End flashback
30288,104,5,16,"Robin: ""Right now"" is the catch phrase of choice."
30289,104,5,16,"Marshall: ""For now"" you draw a picture of a future where everything will be magical, but in truth, it'll never happen."
30290,104,5,16,"Barney: It's like that. ""I can not be with you"". ""For now."""
30291,104,5,16,"Lily: I think my high school boyfriend Scooter, is a little to my hook."
30292,104,5,16,Marshall: A little? Completely. The poor showed up at our wedding hope you recover.
30293,104,5,16,Lily: It's weird when I see him at work.
30294,104,5,16,Marshall: Wait. What?
30295,104,5,16,Lily: Scooter works in the Ikea cafeteria 'school. We talked.
30296,104,5,16,Flashback
30297,104,5,16,Lily is able to meals noon.
30298,104,5,16,Scooter: Nice dress. French fries? I love you.
30299,104,5,16,End flashback
30300,104,5,16,Marshall: We certainly do not talk about that!
30301,104,5,16,"Lily: But if. I talked to full time. ""Scooter canteen."""
30302,104,5,16,"Marshall: I thought you was talking about a long-awaited means of transport, carrying such poor canteen."
30303,104,5,16,Lily: It explains a lot.
30304,104,5,16,Flashback
30305,104,5,16,Lily: Scooter canteen was still there today.
30306,104,5,16,Marshall: You're mounted on it? You did a tour?
30307,104,5,16,Lily: No!
30308,104,5,16,Marshall: Really? In your place I would have rode this scooter all day to break it into two.
30309,104,5,16,End flashback
30310,104,5,16,Marshall: So these poor women must still walk? Expect. Scooter works in your school?
30311,104,5,16,Lily: Are you jealous?
30312,104,5,16,Marshall: I feel bad for Scooter. It took this job just because he thinks he has a chance with you. You must ensure that he understands that it is wrong for it turns the page and gets a real work canteen. sh1t!
30313,104,5,16,Lily: I tried!
30314,104,5,16,Flashback
30315,104,5,16,Lily is in the Ikea cafeteria 'of his school.
30316,104,5,16,Scooter: I saw that you had free time. So do I. And if you fled?
30317,104,5,16,"Lily: Let me be clear, Scooter. There is no way that you and I are together. For now."
30318,104,5,16,Scooter: See you tomorrow. It's Tuesday Tijuana.
30319,104,5,16,End flashback
30320,104,5,16,"Marshall: ""For now""? You got to the earnest Scooter? You must release your scooter hook."
30321,104,5,16,"Lily: You're right. Tomorrow, that's what I'll do."
30322,104,5,16,Marshall: Why not tomorrow?
30323,104,5,16,Lily: I can not spoil the Tijuana Tuesday.
30324,104,5,16,Barney is Ted at the bar.
30325,104,5,16,Barney: Really? You really gonna sit and watch the door all night because Tiffany said she would try to pass?
30326,104,5,16,Ted: I will not give up.
30327,104,5,16,Ted (2030): I should have quit.
30328,104,5,16,Ted: This girl is special.
30329,104,5,16,Ted (2030): It was the devil!
30330,104,5,16,Ted: It will get better with Tiffany.
30331,104,5,16,"Ted (2030): No, moron!"
30332,104,5,16,"Barney: Ted, let me be clear. That girl is poison and you have to forget your life forever."
30333,104,5,16,Ted: There she is. (Between Tiffany followed by several other women) It has led to colleagues.
30334,104,5,16,Barney: Hold on to it. Never lets go! I have never seen more beautiful girls. They all work with Tiffany?
30335,104,5,16,Ted: Yep.
30336,104,5,16,"Barney: There can be only one explanation for that. Tiffany is a representative... e, pharmaceuticals?"
30337,104,5,16,Ted: How do you know?
30338,104,5,16,Barney: And you never thought to say?
30339,104,5,16,Ted: What? It's just a job.
30340,104,5,16,"Barney: That a b... Since time immemorial there has always been a professional edge to which girls guns, like Tiffany, have flocked. I'll redo the story?"
30341,104,5,16,Ted: I will not say explicitly.
30342,104,5,16,"Barney: It began 2.5 million years ago. The man was a hunter.So the profession's sexiest moment? Picker. Homo erectus, indeed. With improved technology, the profession's sexiest moment was changing. I'm sure it's a hernia. You can double-check? And then the man grabbed the heavens. So girls sexy stiletto heels began and became a flight attendant. I'm right and ready to fire. Then the man said, ""Life is hard. I should start taking lots of drugs. "" So sexy girls landed in medical offices, hot enough to make these pills erection ironically unnecessary. So today, girls are pharma's sexiest moment."
30343,104,5,16,Tiffany: Hi my great darkness. How are you?
30344,104,5,16,"Ted: Okay. In fact, you've dumped your loser of guy?"
30345,104,5,16,"Tiffany: No, sir."
30346,104,5,16,It returns to the counter.
30347,104,5,16,Ted: She touched my nose.
30348,104,5,16,"Barney: Largue Tiffany and join the Barnacle in a buffet of girls pharma. There may be loss of clothing, knees burned, respiratory weakness and sore abs the next day. That the world give a damn five?!"
30349,104,5,16,Lily returned to the apartment while Marshall is sitting on the couch.
30350,104,5,16,"Marshall: I know you're having trouble dropping Scooter. I decided that you need training. And you say that the problem is his sad eyes? (He returns with a mini pig) Okay, shut up, woman. Now I want you to look this mini pig and you tell him it is impossible for you to be with him one day."
30351,104,5,16,"Lily: Mini Pig, it is impossible that I may one day with you. For now."
30352,104,5,16,Marshall: Go! Be a man!
30353,104,5,16,"Lily: I'm sorry, but it is just so cute. I just want to cuddle him all day. Oh, yes."
30354,104,5,16,"Marshall: You know, it's funny. I remember when you told me stuff like that."
30355,104,5,16,Lily: I still do.
30356,104,5,16,Marshall: Not as much. Not as much.
30357,104,5,16,
30358,104,5,16,"Ted returns to McLaren's, where Barney is still there."
30359,104,5,16,"Barney: There's no nights like with pharma pharma because the nights never stop! Dude, I've flirted with three of them. The fantasy. In addition, my cholesterol is low. My restless legs syndrome is cured. I am more alive than ever."
30360,104,5,16,"He joined Robin, Marshall and Lily at their usual table."
30361,104,5,16,"Ted: Friends, good news. Tiffany broke up with her boyfriend. So I'm not the hook."
30362,104,5,16,Robin: You're always on the hook.
30363,104,5,16,Ted: Look what we did yesterday.
30364,104,5,16,Flashback
30365,104,5,16,Ted and Tiffany are sitting beside each other on the sofa.
30366,104,5,16,"Ted: First, it was spoiled. Then we shared a chocolate cake.Then, well, I did not used to join the discussions of changing rooms, but I made her a foot massage... rather sensual."
30367,104,5,16,End flashback
30368,104,5,16,Robin: And let me guess: it's not gone further than that.
30369,104,5,16,"Ted: Well, no, but..."
30370,104,5,16,"Lily: And tell me, would you have accidentally made this chocolate cake?"
30371,104,5,16,Ted: It was a pre-made.
30372,104,5,16,Lily: There's no shame to admit it. We were all hooked and we all hooked someone.
30373,104,5,16,Ted: I've never done that.
30374,104,5,16,Robin: Are you kidding? And this daughter of the university library? Henrietta?
30375,104,5,16,Ted: Henrietta and I are just friends.
30376,104,5,16,Robin: It is too much to your hook.
30377,104,5,16,Ted: Absolutely not.
30378,104,5,16,"Ted (2030): Yes, completely. Finally..."
30379,104,5,16,Flashback
30380,104,5,16,"Ted (2030):... it was spoiled. We shared a chocolate cake. It made me long foot massages. I'm not proud of, children."
30381,104,5,16,End flashback
30382,104,5,16,"Robin: You like to have Henrietta close for the same reason that Tiffany likes to have you close, it flatters the ego."
30383,104,5,16,Ted: You amaze me that such an expert is to keep people on your hook. And this poor cameraman your job?
30384,104,5,16,Robin: Mike and I are just friends.
30385,104,5,16,Ted: Come on.
30386,104,5,16,Flashback
30387,104,5,16,"Robin sits on the couch, eating a chocolate cake and a massage the feet."
30388,104,5,16,"Robin: Yeah, right."
30389,104,5,16,Mike: You never thought to go to the next step with me?
30390,104,5,16,"Robin: If you mean to do my laundry, I'm starting lineup."
30391,104,5,16,Mike: It's a deal.
30392,104,5,16,End flashback
30393,104,5,16,Robin: What! I do not keep Mike in my hook.
30394,104,5,16,Ted: You're Captain Hook.
30395,104,5,16,"Robin: Dude, I'm a girl. Our female parts are like a cobweb.Sometimes you jokes of things you want to."
30396,104,5,16,Ted: That's not why it's good.
30397,104,5,16,"Robin: And Henrietta, in any way, are not losing time with you, huh?"
30398,104,5,16,"Ted: Henrietta knows we're just friends. In fact, I'll call and get away with it tonight, friends."
30399,104,5,16,Ted arrives at Henrietta.
30400,104,5,16,Henrietta: I love you. What? Want a foot massage? Because I'm driven on me.
30401,104,5,16,"Ted: No, that's fine."
30402,104,5,16,"Henrietta: I did not know if you were hungry, I did some stuff... Nothing special."
30403,104,5,16,"Ted (2030): Children, looking back, I do not know how I have not seen Henrietta was crazy about me."
30404,104,5,16,Ted's phone rings.
30405,104,5,16,Ted: Hello?
30406,104,5,16,Tiffany: Hey Ted!
30407,104,5,16,Ted: Hey Tiffany!
30408,104,5,16,Tiffany: I go to the country this weekend at a friends wedding.Wanna be my cavalier?
30409,104,5,16,"Ted: I would love that. What are you doing here? Great. See you in 10 minutes. Super. Sorry, Henrietta, something unexpected.We redo it, my friend?"
30410,104,5,16,"Henrietta: Yeah, it's not a concern."
30411,104,5,16,"Ted: It works, yeah."
30412,104,5,16,Henrietta: You have the strength.
30413,104,5,16,Ted expressed in Henrietta.
30414,104,5,16,Ted (2030): What a jerk.
30415,104,5,16,Mother of Henrietta: Wait. Where is Ted? I thought we would finally meet him.
30416,104,5,16,"Henrietta: An unexpected, okay, Mom?"
30417,104,5,16,Father: I told you there was not.
30418,104,5,16,Henrietta: I heard.
30419,104,5,16,Ted prepares the room.
30420,104,5,16,"Ted (2030): So there I was, at one of the surest signs to make a landing in a relationship: a country wedding. It finally came."
30421,104,5,16,Tiffany between.
30422,104,5,16,Ted: Champagne?
30423,104,5,16,Tiffany: I forgot to call you.
30424,104,5,16,"Ted: Whatever it is, we can talk now."
30425,104,5,16,Tiffany: This is Jack. This is the man at the wedding. We just get back together.
30426,104,5,16,Ted: Now that I think a call would have been nice.
30427,104,5,16,Jack: Is that you Ted? But I heard you were doing a great chocolate cake.
30428,104,5,16,Tiffany: It is not great? And it is in a group. Thank you.
30429,104,5,16,Marshall Lily always leads to drop Scooter.
30430,104,5,16,"Marshall: Come on, Lily. You must drop Scooter. Try it again."
30431,104,5,16,Lily: Mini pig... I do not wanna be with you. For now.
30432,104,5,16,Marshall: Act like a man!
30433,104,5,16,Lily: Mini pig... I do not wanna be with you. Ever.
30434,104,5,16,Marshall: Finish him!
30435,104,5,16,Lily: It will never be together in any sexual way again.
30436,104,5,16,Marshall: Well done. Weird thing to say to a pig.
30437,104,5,16,Lily: Really bad.
30438,104,5,16,Back in the hotel room with Ted and Tiffany...
30439,104,5,16,"Tiffany: Well, I do not think it will work out between us. For now."
30440,104,5,16,Ted (2030): And that's when it hit me. I was at his hook. I also realized...
30441,104,5,16,"Tiffany: You've missed so much, baby."
30442,104,5,16,Ted (2030): Tiffany was to hook this guy. It was a vicious circle.Henrietta was my hook. And years later I learned that this poor guy was on the hook of Henrietta.
30443,104,5,16,Ted: You know what? That will not work between us... ever. I'm done. (He takes the jacket on the bed and hand) And that's really better for traffic if you weight the arch with your thumbs. Now I'm done.
30444,104,5,16,Lily and Marshall arrive at the Ikea cafeteria 'school.
30445,104,5,16,Lily: I can do it alone.
30446,104,5,16,Marshall: So prove it. And... take me a pudding.
30447,104,5,16,"Lily: Listen, Scooter. There is no way we ever be together."
30448,104,5,16,Marshall: Right now! I'm sorry but he is adorable.
30449,104,5,16,Lily: Listen. I want to be with you.
30450,104,5,16,Marshall: So far. Hang in there. I will not be eternal.
30451,104,5,16,Robin and Barney are at McLaren's.
30452,104,5,16,Barney: Yesterday I was with this girl so sexy that pharma should call a doctor if you have no erection for more than 4h. I have no reason people?
30453,104,5,16,Robin: There is no one. Just the girl with whom you came out recently.
30454,104,5,16,Woman: I want you to meet the latest arrival.
30455,104,5,16,Woman 2: Nice to meet you. I represent statins and other cholesterol-lowering drugs.
30456,104,5,16,Woman: Let's go have a drink.
30457,104,5,16,Barney: It's over.
30458,104,5,16,Robin: What?
30459,104,5,16,Barney: The girls of pharma are more than gunnery. This is the end of an era.
30460,104,5,16,Robin: You're a little dramatic.
30461,104,5,16,"Barney: Really? It starts with a Gladys. And suddenly, a few gay guys not so fabulous fall into the ranks. And before you know it, the girls look like pharma team to a Southwest flight to Albuquerque in Little Rock. It's over!"
30462,104,5,16,Ted (2030): So that night I went to live in Henrietta prepared to release it from my hook.
30463,104,5,16,Ted knocks on the door in Henrietta. Something falls to the ground and he picks up.
30464,104,5,16,Flashback
30465,104,5,16,Tiffany: This is Jack. This is the man at the wedding.
30466,104,5,16,Jack places his jacket on the bed where it was Ted.
30467,104,5,16,Ted: I'm done.
30468,104,5,16,Ted takes the jacket on the bed thinking it was hers.
30469,104,5,16,End flashback
30470,104,5,16,"Henrietta opens the door and found Ted to his knees, a ring in hand."
30471,104,5,16,Henrietta: The answer is yes!
30472,104,5,16,Ted is in the apartment with Robin.
30473,104,5,16,Ted: It's worse.
30474,104,5,16,Flashback
30475,104,5,16,"Henrietta: This is perfect! Mom, Dad! Ted asked me to marry him!"
30476,104,5,16,Mother: I knew this would happen!
30477,104,5,16,Father: My son!
30478,104,5,16,"Ted: Yeah, there was a..."
30479,104,5,16,End flashback
30480,104,5,16,Robin: What did you do?
30481,104,5,16,"Ted: Honestly, I thought to marry him just out of sheer embarrassment. But I did the right thing. I did what anyone who has someone should hook her. I would have broken my heart."
30482,104,5,16,Flashback
30483,104,5,16,"Ted: Henrietta, I'm sorry if it's brutal but I think you duty. I do not wanna be with you."
30484,104,5,16,Henrietta: Right now?
30485,104,5,16,Ted: Ever.
30486,104,5,16,"Henrietta: But we're still going to marry, does not it?"
30487,104,5,16,End flashback
30488,104,5,16,Ted: It was violent.
30489,104,5,16,"Robin: Sorry, big guy. Honesty is hard, but ultimately it is the softer alternative. (Mike enters with the laundry basket) I must tell you something. You've finished the laundry fragile?"
30490,104,5,16,Mike: Another tour.
30491,104,5,16,Robin: It can wait.
30492,104,5,16,Ted and Robin are at the bar when Barney comes.
30493,104,5,16,Robin: How are you?
30494,104,5,16,Ted: You still broies black to the end of the era of the daughters of pharma?
30495,104,5,16,Barney: I've realized that their reign had to stop to give way to a sexy new profession. It may be... communications officer in an intergalactic spaceship to a distant solar system that we can imagine. Maybe it will be... contract. It is not known. But one thing is certain. The future shines... as a huge sun throwing rays of orange light over our heads and our spirits.
30496,104,5,16,Robin: Why change your mind?
30497,104,5,16,"Barney: The realization that hope springs eternal. Ca and the little purple pill box found in my bag. I do not know what they are, but they are amazing!"
30498,105,5,17,"Ted (2030): Children, during a warm evening in March 2010, the New York police rescued a 34 year old man from the Hudson River... your Uncle Barney."
30499,105,5,17,"Barney is sitting on a bench, a blanket on the back."
30500,105,5,17,"Police: Okay, big guy, tell me all along."
30501,105,5,17,Barney: It all started a week ago.
30502,105,5,17,Flashback
30503,105,5,17,Barney is at McLaren's.
30504,105,5,17,Barney: I spent time at a local bar. Entered... a lady.
30505,105,5,17,Woman: Nothing is sexier than a man wearing a nice tie.
30506,105,5,17,Barney: Aside from a woman who appreciates a nice tie.
30507,105,5,17,Woman: But this is merely a tie.
30508,105,5,17,End flashback
30509,105,5,17,Barney: It was not my best tie.
30510,105,5,17,Police: Right.
30511,105,5,17,"Barney: So, right after that, I took her home."
30512,105,5,17,Flashback
30513,105,5,17,Barney is at home with the woman he met at the bar.
30514,105,5,17,"Woman: When I'm in bed with a man, my body becomes a machine fueled by desire, greed and a hunger to satisfy every single... the carnal desires of my lover."
30515,105,5,17,"Barney: Fortunately, the cleaning lady comes tomorrow."
30516,105,5,17,Woman: Good night.
30517,105,5,17,"Barney: What? Wait, what? I thought your body would become a machine fueled by desire, greed and a hunger only to satisfy my every carnal desires."
30518,105,5,17,She leaves the apartment of Barney.
30519,105,5,17,End flashback
30520,105,5,17,GENERIC
30521,105,5,17,"Don, Robin, Marshall and Lily are at McLaren's."
30522,105,5,17,Robin: I really think Don and I found our rhythm to work.
30523,105,5,17,Don: Thanks to this young woman to my left. This report on how rodent avoided in the subway...
30524,105,5,17,Robin: The answer might surprise you. It's all rodents.
30525,105,5,17,"Don: I gotta go, okay? See you soon."
30526,105,5,17,Marshall: Nice to meet you.
30527,105,5,17,Don: I do too.
30528,105,5,17,Don leaves the bar.
30529,105,5,17,"Marshall: This guy is awesome. It's funny, smart, beautiful. You have him to nab it before someone else."
30530,105,5,17,Robin: I hope you do not talk to you.
30531,105,5,17,Lily: It's been 4 months since you broke up with Barney. It's time to get back on the market.
30532,105,5,17,"Marshall: Yeah, Barney sees girls, it could not be happier."
30533,105,5,17,"Ted, Marshall and Lily's apartment and listen to Barney."
30534,105,5,17,"Barney: I could be more unfortunate. All night, she goes back on me. I brought her back home and she runs away? When I loose a daughter, I am polite to sleep with her before. It is good manners."
30535,105,5,17,"Ted: It looks like she has read this book, Of course you're alone, look at you, poor trail. What? It was this book that helps girls find a husband. It is that of Robin. I just laminated. Okay! Barney, when you were with this girl, she subtly used the word ""s*x""?"
30536,105,5,17,Flashback
30537,105,5,17,"Woman: I'm in the inter-gender-ing, and I have some sex-seconds before the light turns green. And then, everyone honks, and it really s*x, but I can not run because a jogger slips and falls in the Sacraments of sex-horse."
30538,105,5,17,Barney: Continuous. Continues.
30539,105,5,17,End flashback
30540,105,5,17,Ted: Did she used an excuse for physical contact?
30541,105,5,17,Flashback
30542,105,5,17,Woman: It's the cashmere?
30543,105,5,17,Barney: Kashmir? This is the virgin merino hand-woven. The fibers of this costume are spaced less than 12 microns.
30544,105,5,17,Female: 12 microns. I like the tight fibers.
30545,105,5,17,"Barney: Well, you're lucky, because mine are the tightest. And touched, they are more gentle."
30546,105,5,17,End flashback
30547,105,5,17,Barney: She did it too!
30548,105,5,17,"Ted: And here's the final test. Next time, invite the following evening. The book says that it is forbidden, then surely it will give you a bogus excuse, like, ""I can not tomorrow night. I have already planned to clean my garage and I take a bubble bath.But why not next week? """
30549,105,5,17,Barney at the bar with a woman.
30550,105,5,17,"Barney: You try this sh1t of course you're alone, look at you, poor trail."
30551,105,5,17,"Woman: It's not crap. Sure you're alone, look at you, poor trail, is a brilliant book. And it scares the guys who only want the ass."
30552,105,5,17,Barney: Did you just say you got a kid!
30553,105,5,17,Woman: You'd be surprised how many assholes we cross. That is why my book says to never sleep at first date.
30554,105,5,17,Barney: Completely.
30555,105,5,17,Woman: Or the second. Or the third.
30556,105,5,17,Barney: Of course. Well...
30557,105,5,17,Woman: Or the fourth.
30558,105,5,17,Barney: Just tell me how!
30559,105,5,17,Female: 17.
30560,105,5,17,"Barney: Excuse me, someone is using this stool?"
30561,105,5,17,He sits down and falls.
30562,105,5,17,The band is at the apartment of Ted and Robin.
30563,105,5,17,Ted: That is: no s*x before hot date 17th.
30564,105,5,17,"Lily: If you're not going to take her 17th hot date, you should give up."
30565,105,5,17,"Barney: I will not give up, but yes. For, thanks to the book of Ted..."
30566,105,5,17,Ted: From Robin is Robin.
30567,105,5,17,Barney: I can have two shots ahead. There is a flaw in there and I will get it.
30568,105,5,17,The phone rings and Robin wins.
30569,105,5,17,Don: Listen... You wanna go out on Saturday night?
30570,105,5,17,Robin: Saturday night?
30571,105,5,17,Marshall: It invites you to come out? Say yes! Say yes!
30572,105,5,17,"Robin: Don... Listen, it's... it's really nice of you, and you're really great..."
30573,105,5,17,"Marshall, with the phone in the kitchen: Yes, I'm going out with you."
30574,105,5,17,"Don: Robin, you okay?"
30575,105,5,17,Robin launches a cushion to Marshall but the spleen.
30576,105,5,17,"Marshall: I just have a cold. That's why for my voice. (She goes into the kitchen and tries to pick up the phone) But great for Saturday night. One can go to a restaurant grill, and you could bring a first side for my friends Marshall. I gotta go. Kisses."
30577,105,5,17,Robin: But what are you doing?
30578,105,5,17,"Marshall: You have to do, okay? A great guy like Don, it's rare.And speaking of rare, first one side, do not forget. Thank you."
30579,105,5,17,Barney: I can not believe. Friends... This is it! She wrote the book! It must be named Anita. My plan was to sleep with her but it changes everything. New plan: I'll sleep with her.
30580,105,5,17,"Marshall, Lily and Robin are at the bar."
30581,105,5,17,"Lily: That girl that Barney hunting, it seems a somewhat anti-Barney. I like the way the universe has decided to collect."
30582,105,5,17,"Robin: Actually, Anita Barney went to see him because I have requested."
30583,105,5,17,Lily: You told to go and see Anita Barney? How you know her?
30584,105,5,17,Robin: It was my show.
30585,105,5,17,Flashback
30586,105,5,17,Anita is interviewed by Robin.
30587,105,5,17,"Robin: But, uh... if you had to summarize your book in less than 30 words..."
30588,105,5,17,"Anita: I would summarize in one, Robin. And that word is ""no.""By saying no constantly and consistently, it gives a power, simultaneously transforming any fool in human wreck, subject, and whining."
30589,105,5,17,"Robin: Is not this the dream of all women? After the break, we'll talk about your new book, Of course you have not yet retirement plan, look at you, poor trail, scheduled for June We come back after the break."
30590,105,5,17,Mike: It's good. You want a coffee?
30591,105,5,17,"Robin: Absolutely, Mike, great idea."
30592,105,5,17,Mike: You?
30593,105,5,17,"Anita: No. And you, Robin? You go out with someone?"
30594,105,5,17,Robin: I have not really want right now.
30595,105,5,17,Anita: You were broken heart?
30596,105,5,17,End flashback
30597,105,5,17,"Robin: And then I told him everything. It came out at once. And in the end, she said..."
30598,105,5,17,Flashback
30599,105,5,17,"Anita: That Barney needs a lesson. Give me the order, and I will destroy it."
30600,105,5,17,Robin: That's to say?
30601,105,5,17,"Anita: I will use the power of ""no"" to destroy your friend Barney.Say it."
30602,105,5,17,"Robin: Come on, it does not really work, though?"
30603,105,5,17,"Mike: I knew not what you wanted when I caught you a cappuccino, espresso, latte, decaf... and a Turkish coffee."
30604,105,5,17,"Anita: Thank you, Mike. Think about it."
30605,105,5,17,"Robin: I never thought that I would think, but... I thought about it."
30606,105,5,17,The band is at the bar.
30607,105,5,17,"Barney: This Pilates teacher broke all scores. Imagine Robin, but younger. And bigger breasts. Not bigger, but more shapely.And larger. (Robin phone) I put on the StairMaster and..."
30608,105,5,17,Robin: It does.
30609,105,5,17,"Barney: Spoilers. Regardless, we did."
30610,105,5,17,"Anita: It's done. (Mike brings a drink to Anita) Thank you, Mike."
30611,105,5,17,End flashback
30612,105,5,17,"Robin: I know it was stupid, but, see, at that time, I was still depressed over the break. I was in my phase of mourning. It means a lot of tape and long nights at the shooting range."
30613,105,5,17,Lily: I hope this was not the same nights.
30614,105,5,17,"Robin: Serious, Lily. I do not remember everything."
30615,105,5,17,Marshall and Lily are in bed.
30616,105,5,17,Marshall: You knew that Robin was in mourning? It looked good after the break.
30617,105,5,17,"Lily: You know her. She keeps her emotions for her. But yes, I saw her crying sometimes."
30618,105,5,17,Marshall: She cried? Real tears? It means...
30619,105,5,17,Ted (2030): Marshall understood what he had been con with Robin.
30620,105,5,17,Flashback
30621,105,5,17,"Marshall: Yeah, Barney sees girls, it could not be happier. You see, this guy has been very active. Sexually. Finally, it is like that... bang... bang... bang... You see? It's like... bang... bang..."
30622,105,5,17,End flashback
30623,105,5,17,Marshall: How could you let me do? You're my wife. You must avoid that I ridiculed in public.
30624,105,5,17,"Lily: I know, but the song is rather catchy."
30625,105,5,17,They start to sing.
30626,105,5,17,
30627,105,5,17,Ted and Barney are at McLaren's.
30628,105,5,17,Barney: sh1t. I read this entire book and I find no fault. What will I do?
30629,105,5,17,Ted: There is another option... but you're not ready.
30630,105,5,17,Barney: Tell me.
30631,105,5,17,"Ted: If you must conclude in one hot date, a date that must be crazy. I do not speak of a restaurant-cine. Or mini golf. I speak of... 17 romantic rendezvous grouped into one incredible night. I mean... a super hot date."
30632,105,5,17,Barney: A great date? It's not very catchy. And if I say a mega date?
30633,105,5,17,"Ted: If you want my help, it's a super hot date."
30634,105,5,17,Barney: Okay.
30635,105,5,17,Ted: Let me do it. I will plan everything.
30636,105,5,17,Barney: You're going to plan everything? This is cutesy and romantic?
30637,105,5,17,Ted: Cutesy and romantic? (He starts singing) No need to take him to Paris or Peru...
30638,105,5,17,Barney: What are you doing?
30639,105,5,17,Ted singing: You just gotta make him understand...
30640,105,5,17,Barney: They look at us.
30641,105,5,17,Ted: How important it is for you...
30642,105,5,17,Barney: Really? You really gonna do that?
30643,105,5,17,"Ted, still singing: In your super hot date, Global problems will simply be put aside, for wonders and surprises that will be the stars. Hurry, do not be late because together, you will find a country where paradise is rebukes. And then, boom! Fireworks in the sky over Manhattan! You kiss him. And your super hot date."
30644,105,5,17,Barney: It looks to me like cutesy and romantic. Box strip?
30645,105,5,17,Ted: Box strip.
30646,105,5,17,"Ted (2030): Finally, the night of the great rencards arrived."
30647,105,5,17,Robin Marshall joined the bar.
30648,105,5,17,Marshall: Tonight is the big night. Where do you take D-Bag?This is a bad nickname for Don. I will look better.
30649,105,5,17,Robin: I just... I canceled.
30650,105,5,17,Robin hand to the bathroom.
30651,105,5,17,Marshall: How does it... Wait.
30652,105,5,17,Ted and Lily sit at the table.
30653,105,5,17,Lily: A problem?
30654,105,5,17,Marshall: Robin canceled his hot date.
30655,105,5,17,Ted: What? She was super excited there is one hour.
30656,105,5,17,Flashback
30657,105,5,17,Robin leaves his room in a red dress.
30658,105,5,17,Ted: You look like the classiest and most expensive of all prostitutes.
30659,105,5,17,Robin: Thank you.
30660,105,5,17,Ted: You're excited to go out with Don?
30661,105,5,17,Robin: You know what? Looks good. Do not tell Marshall.
30662,105,5,17,"Ted: I will say nothing. I bet you will spend a good evening. And not, however, a great night. A great night will be spent by Barney during his date with Anita. A carriage ride, dinner at ""Tombeur panties."" They call it a super hot date."
30663,105,5,17,End flashback
30664,105,5,17,Marshall: Ted! How could you do that?! Robin has just released his period of mourning!
30665,105,5,17,Ted: She seemed happy after the break.
30666,105,5,17,Marshall: You see nothing. Typical of a guy. She was obviously devastated.
30667,105,5,17,"Ted: Wait, but that would mean..."
30668,105,5,17,Ted (2030): And I understood what I had been con with Robin.
30669,105,5,17,Flashback
30670,105,5,17,Ted arrives at the bar while Marshall sings and dances.
30671,105,5,17,Ted: You sing what?
30672,105,5,17,Marshall: A song about the number of girls that Barney has typed recently.
30673,105,5,17,Ted: I'll sing a verse.
30674,105,5,17,Marshall: Super.
30675,105,5,17,End flashback
30676,105,5,17,Ted: Where is she?
30677,105,5,17,Marshall: I think it is the toilet.
30678,105,5,17,"Robin cries when Marshall, Lily and Ted enters the toilet."
30679,105,5,17,"Robin: I'm fine, I'm fine."
30680,105,5,17,"Barney and whistles will open the door of his apartment.Marshall followed between Ted and Lily, and he will give a punch in the robot's head of Barney."
30681,105,5,17,Barney: Why did you do that?
30682,105,5,17,"Marshall: Because I am angry against you. And against me. Ted and cons. And frankly, I still am against the Empire."
30683,105,5,17,Barney: Why are you angry against me?
30684,105,5,17,Ted: You were a real asshole to Robin when she was in her period of mourning.
30685,105,5,17,Barney: The period of mourning? She has not had a period of mourning.
30686,105,5,17,Ted: You see nothing.
30687,105,5,17,Marshall: Typical of a guy.
30688,105,5,17,"Lily: Barney, sit down, there are two three things to tell you."
30689,105,5,17,"Barney: What, she is upset?"
30690,105,5,17,"Lily: Of course she is upset. Look at you, poor trail."
30691,105,5,17,Ted (2030): Then Aunt Lily told Barney all the little details of what he had not seen since the break.
30692,105,5,17,Flashback
30693,105,5,17,Barney: You should have seen.
30694,105,5,17,Robin: I'm going.
30695,105,5,17,Barney: We go back home...
30696,105,5,17,"Robin left the apartment and crying in the hallway. We see Barney on television with a sign and Robin goes into the kitchen crying. At the bar, the boys sing and dance on the number of Barney's conquests."
30697,105,5,17,End flashback
30698,105,5,17,Barney throws his hat into the robot.
30699,105,5,17,Barney: I can not believe that Robin is upset.
30700,105,5,17,Marshall: And hast me you vomit in your Stormtrooper helmet.
30701,105,5,17,"Barney: I did worse after the premiere of ""The Phantom Menace.""It's been like that since we broke up?"
30702,105,5,17,"Lily: Well, it was much better before you decide to go to your stupid super hot date with Anita. And now she broods, God knows where."
30703,105,5,17,Barney: I know where.
30704,105,5,17,Robin is at the shooting range. Barney arrives.
30705,105,5,17,"Robin: Barney, what's up? I thought you had a super hot date."
30706,105,5,17,Barney: I know you're upset.
30707,105,5,17,"Robin: What? No. I've never been happier. Anita and this seems great. I'm so glad... by the merest chance, you found yourself. It warms my f*cking heart."
30708,105,5,17,"She pulls without the headphones on, then ends up throwing his gun because there is more balls."
30709,105,5,17,Barney: You sure you're not upset?
30710,105,5,17,Robin: Of course I do. Do not you see how to talk continually of your conquests makes me feel like another number for you?
30711,105,5,17,Barney: You're not another number for me.
30712,105,5,17,"Robin: And now you to take Anita you barely know, this extraordinary hot date, then you do not ever offered me that. It's just that... It sucks, that's all. It sucks."
30713,105,5,17,"Barney: I knew I was a bad boyfriend, but I had no idea that I was worse in the former boyfriend. I'm sorry. How can I be forgiven?"
30714,105,5,17,"Robin: Nothing, Barney. You've already proven I'm not important to you."
30715,105,5,17,"Barney: Stop saying that, I'm serious. Ask me what you want."
30716,105,5,17,Robin: Do not sleep with Anita.
30717,105,5,17,Barney: I promise.
30718,105,5,17,Robin: Of course you'll sleep with her. Why is this super hot date if not?
30719,105,5,17,Barney: It will not go super hot date. It is you who will go.
30720,105,5,17,"Ted (2030): Your uncle Barney gave Robin finally the super hot date she deserved. With a guy she deserved. Of course, there was a detail to be resolved."
30721,105,5,17,"Anita Barney comes to see who is at the bar with Ted, Marshall and Lily."
30722,105,5,17,Barney: I wanted to call you.
30723,105,5,17,"Anita: I violate any rules in my coming here, but... no one asks me rabbit like that, so we go out or not?"
30724,105,5,17,"Barney: I'm sorry, I... I made a promise to a friend. I must say no."
30725,105,5,17,"Anita: I see. You try the trick of ""no."" You really think it'll work?Because it will not work. Okay, I'll make a deal. Maybe... you might get lucky after the 12th hot date."
30726,105,5,17,Barney: No.
30727,105,5,17,Anita: The 11th?
30728,105,5,17,Barney: No.
30729,105,5,17,Anita: The fifth?
30730,105,5,17,Barney: No.
30731,105,5,17,Anita: Tonight?
30732,105,5,17,Barney: No.
30733,105,5,17,Anita: This evening before dinner?
30734,105,5,17,Barney: No.
30735,105,5,17,"Anita, Ted: And you? You're interested."
30736,105,5,17,Ted: Yeah.
30737,105,5,17,Anita: Go.
30738,105,5,17,Barney: I'm sorry. The answer is no.
30739,105,5,17,"Anita: Well. Because my answer is no, too. This is my last offer."
30740,105,5,17,She slides in the hollow of the ear. He gets up and leaves. He descends the stairs and jump over a fence and landed in the water.
30741,105,5,17,Barney: Here is my story.
30742,105,5,17,Police: This is a $ 500 fine for having jumped into the river. I hope it was worth it.
30743,105,5,17,A fireworks bursting in the sky while Barney is on the bench wrapped in a blanket.
30744,105,5,17,Barney: I hope so too.
30745,105,5,17,Don and Robin approach and embrace.
30746,105,5,17,The band is at the apartment.
30747,105,5,17,Ted: This is an old story of married women.
30748,105,5,17,Marshall: How was this date?
30749,105,5,17,Robin: Good enough. Pretty... pretty good.
30750,105,5,17,Ted: How so?
30751,105,5,17,"Robin: Come on, guys. It was good. It was nice. We spent a pleasant evening. Let... Let him that. Even if..."
30752,105,5,17,"She began singing followed by Marshall, Lily and Ted when Barney sits on the couch and watch Robin."
30753,106,5,18,"Ted (2030): Children, your aunt Lily has always been among those who like their birthday. Really."
30754,106,5,18,The alarm goes off at 12: 00 and Lily wakes.
30755,106,5,18,Lily: It's my birthday!
30756,106,5,18,Ted (2030): It's a good thing she married Marshall.
30757,106,5,18,The clock shows 9: 00.
30758,106,5,18,Lily: It's still my birthday!
30759,106,5,18,Ted (2030): Because he loves to prepare on birthdays.
30760,106,5,18,Marshall enters the room carrying a tray.
30761,106,5,18,"Marshall: Feliz cumpleanos, baby. The theme of this breakfast in bed is... ""Spanish Interlude."" (A musician enters the room and opens the curtain Marshall) How have we landed on the lyric rolling hills of northern Spain? Baby, it will be huge tonight. We five, dinner well dressed, and Ted brings your cognac cheesecake Pumpkin at Edgar. I'll go shopping super secret birthday. And I took him because I do not like the way he looks at you."
30762,106,5,18,"Robin, Barney, Marshall and Lily's birthday party at the latter's apartment Marshall and Lily."
30763,106,5,18,"Lily: A new camera! Thank you, Marshall. I love it!"
30764,106,5,18,"Marshall: Small bonus, I took pictures of me naked before packing. With a node."
30765,106,5,18,Lily: There was not a knot.
30766,106,5,18,Marshall: On the other device.
30767,106,5,18,Lily: Thank you. I will make great photos of our group with that.
30768,106,5,18,"Ted (2030): Children, have you seen the photo album of Lily... Bound in leather, acid-free paper, adorable handwritten captions. And most importantly, the group photo. Nice picture, eh? But what you do not see are the 10 seconds before this photo was taken."
30769,106,5,18,Flashback
30770,106,5,18,10 seconds before the photo...
30771,106,5,18,Lily: I want the perfect group shot. Marshall put yourself between Robin and Barney.
30772,106,5,18,Barney: Why?
30773,106,5,18,"Lily: You know... Light, color, balance, aperture..."
30774,106,5,18,"Robin: You say stuff pictures. Expect. You do not want it to look like a couple, right?"
30775,106,5,18,Lily: Of course. You will not last! The photo is forever.
30776,106,5,18,Barney: How dare you?
30777,106,5,18,Robin: It's so rude.
30778,106,5,18,Barney: It's true.
30779,106,5,18,"Robin: Totally. It is a tightrope, but still."
30780,106,5,18,Ted (2030): We hated group photos of Lily.
30781,106,5,18,End flashback
30782,106,5,18,"Lily: Okay, I am perhaps a little bossy, but I want to remember it all. Like tonight. I imagine no better birthday being with my 4 best friends only. (A knock at the door) And Ted's here."
30783,106,5,18,Lily opens the door.
30784,106,5,18,Ted: Happy Birthday! Here is Amanda.
30785,106,5,18,Lily: And Amanda...
30786,106,5,18,GENERIC
30787,106,5,18,"Marshall: Ted, you had to bring a cheesecake, but you've brought two shopping bags and a girl who knows not. My name is Marshall. Welcome. Ted talks."
30788,106,5,18,"Ted: Amanda will make a cake for Lily. She is head. We met at the restaurant last week when I returned my soup. Fortunately, she has such beautiful hair it not bother me a bit to eat."
30789,106,5,18,"Amanda: I've nicknamed ""Lose hair 'at work."
30790,106,5,18,Lily: I'm really happy you make me my cake.
30791,106,5,18,"Marshall: In honor of the 32nd anniversary of Lily, I expected a lot of great games, beginning with... ""Lil-ial Pursuit."" Who has the number 1?"
30792,106,5,18,Amanda: Me.
30793,106,5,18,"Marshall: Sure. Okay, this is Amanda begins. You have 32 seconds to answer a ton of questions. And... Here we go. Lily's favorite color?"
30794,106,5,18,"Amanda: Well, she wears pink, so I'll say pink."
30795,106,5,18,Marshall: It's Robin.
30796,106,5,18,Amanda: Her favorite color is... leg.
30797,106,5,18,"Marshall: I think Ted whispered the word ""yellow"". It is equally untrue. (Later...) This game is called... raising the cost of perfection."
30798,106,5,18,Lily: Pretty.
30799,106,5,18,"Marshall: Thank you. You wrote all that you love our queen of the day. And Lilypad, you must guess who wrote what. ""From his friends to his students, Lily that everyone in his life..."""
30800,106,5,18,"Ted: Lily is a teacher. Hence the ""students""."
30801,106,5,18,"Marshall: ""... feel loved. She makes the best cookies oatmeal raisin-, The Goonies knows by heart... """
30802,106,5,18,"Ted: Lily saw The Goonies just after his parents separated. After that, she had real problems of trust."
30803,106,5,18,"Marshall: ""And that's the strongest person I know. I can not imagine my life without her. I love you, Lily."
30804,106,5,18,Lily Robin.
30805,106,5,18,Robin: Of course it was me.
30806,106,5,18,Lily: Come here.
30807,106,5,18,"Marshall: Too cute. Lily, guess who wrote it. ""You look really nice."""
30808,106,5,18,Lily: I would say Amanda.
30809,106,5,18,"Barney: No, it was me. And I meant it."
30810,106,5,18,"Amanda: Well, I'm going to finish the cake."
30811,106,5,18,"Lily: Tell me if you need help. (Amanda from the kitchen) Quick, group photo! All front of the fireplace."
30812,106,5,18,They gather by the fireplace.
30813,106,5,18,"Ted: Wait, I'll find Amanda."
30814,106,5,18,"Lily: No problem, it is occupied. The bother, come on."
30815,106,5,18,"Ted: Wait... You do not want Amanda on the picture, right?"
30816,106,5,18,"Lily: Well, you know, auto focus, speed of obstruction, zoom..."
30817,106,5,18,"Ted: Lily, what's the matter?"
30818,106,5,18,Marshall: Who wants a party hat? I'm a bird! All do the bird!
30819,106,5,18,Ted: Tell me the truth.
30820,106,5,18,Lily: Of course not. I let another of your bitches spoil my memories.
30821,106,5,18,"Ted: Lily, what are you talking?"
30822,106,5,18,"Lily: Ted, you always do that. You bring a girl knows that not all our evenings with us."
30823,106,5,18,Ted: That's not true.
30824,106,5,18,"Lily: Really? So, let us walk bitch Street Shuffle."
30825,106,5,18,Lily pulls out a photo album.
30826,106,5,18,Marshall: Or we could continue the descent on the Avenue Best Birthday.
30827,106,5,18,Barney: I Can Vote? Street bitch! Street bitch!
30828,106,5,18,"Marshall: My friends, I made a song for tonight. Follow me, the chorus is this: Merry, Merry Lily-anniversary..."
30829,106,5,18,"Lily: Christmas morning, there was 4. Our first Christmas together, just us five. Here's another nice little game. It's called, Appoints This Bitch."
30830,106,5,18,Ted: That's Pap Pa......
30831,106,5,18,"Lily: False. You think the Santa Claus, because it was Christmas."
30832,106,5,18,Robin: Funny. Every year my mother took tea with her friend Easter Bell. Not so funny.
30833,106,5,18,"Ted: I remember, this is Sarah."
30834,106,5,18,"Lily: Almost. This is Leilani. She had to come at Christmas because, you said, ""Folks, this may be good."" And this is not the only ""maybe good"". Eve 2007, Barney, Lily, Robin, Ted, Marshall and ""It's good"" Emily. The funeral of Uncle Cecil Robin, Marshall, Lily, Robin, Barney, Ted and... ""It proves that you selected the eyes closed"" Isabelle. My appendicitis, Robin, Marshall, Barney, Lily, Ted, and it... you've admitted, you just wanted to make. Compliance."
30835,106,5,18,Barney: You remember the yoga teacher that got you into my birthday?
30836,106,5,18,Flashback
30837,106,5,18,The band is at McLaren's.
30838,106,5,18,Barney: Thank you. You believe not just enter. Look! Look! Why not look at you! This is Slash from Guns N'Roses!
30839,106,5,18,Lily: Group Photo!
30840,106,5,18,End flashback
30841,106,5,18,"Barney: And we have had. We had a group photo with Slash on my birthday. Great, huh? Eh?"
30842,106,5,18,"Robin: It was there, we know the end."
30843,106,5,18,Barney: False!
30844,106,5,18,Robin: The funny for this photo. I plottait ass.
30845,106,5,18,Lily: Oh? So do I.
30846,106,5,18,Barney: And me too. He has how many hands?
30847,106,5,18,Ted: Normal if it is good guitarist.
30848,106,5,18,"Marshall: Actually, sorry, man. I had you taken to Lily."
30849,106,5,18,Robin: Wait. Look at these pictures. Barney always has the same pose and all these years.
30850,106,5,18,"Barney: Yes, at this point, I have never an old head on the photos. Neither ever or always."
30851,106,5,18,Robin: It's gotta be a lousy picture of you.
30852,106,5,18,"Barney: Nope, not at all."
30853,106,5,18,Robin: And in elementary school? We all have school pictures ugly.
30854,106,5,18,"Barney: Not the Barnacle. I always look awesome mortally. Not like Marshall, who seems to be ingeniously death."
30855,106,5,18,"Ted (2030): He was right. Your uncle Marshall is many things well, but for the pictures, it's terrible."
30856,106,5,18,Marshall: They are not all bad. Like... this. Look. I have my eyes open.
30857,106,5,18,Barney: You really put a knot!
30858,106,5,18,"Robin: A crisp, Barney?"
30859,106,5,18,Barney: Of course.
30860,106,5,18,Robin takes a picture of Barney eating a chip.
30861,106,5,18,Robin: I! A photo ugly.
30862,106,5,18,Barney: You sure?
30863,106,5,18,Robin: No! Wait! You ate a potato chips! Where's the chips?
30864,106,5,18,Barney: It's physically impossible for me to take a picture ugly. I know why. Ask God.
30865,106,5,18,"Ted: Lily, sorry for Amanda. But I'll say. You make your spoiled rotten. You in all your statements because you think I messed up two three photos?"
30866,106,5,18,"Lily: These girls have ruined so many things, or you forget Paris."
30867,106,5,18,Robin: This is what happened in Paris?
30868,106,5,18,"Lily: In the first year of college, I studied in Paris, and I had not seen Marshall since 2 months."
30869,106,5,18,Marshall: 2 months. And I just started making love. I was not ready to stop for 2 months.
30870,106,5,18,"Lily: And Marshall came to me to spring break. And at the last minute, Ted decided to go with the girl he had just to get back, Karen."
30871,106,5,18,Flashback
30872,106,5,18,"Marshall, Ted and Karen are in an airplane."
30873,106,5,18,Ted: I'm so excited you're here.
30874,106,5,18,Karen: I'm so excited to go to Paris.
30875,106,5,18,Marshall: I'm so excited to remake love.
30876,106,5,18,Ted and Karen kiss.
30877,106,5,18,Lily: But just before takeoff...
30878,106,5,18,"Karen: Wait, I must tell you something."
30879,106,5,18,Ted: Really? Because I think I want to tell you the same thing.
30880,106,5,18,"Karen: Do your thing is, I slept with the philosophy teacher last night? Because I do."
30881,106,5,18,Lily: And so began the longest 7:30 of Marshall's life. When I went to look for...
30882,106,5,18,Karen: Ted broke. I have to sleep in your room this week.Marshall will go with Ted.
30883,106,5,18,End flashback
30884,106,5,18,Marshall: 2 months! My balls were blue! Blue!
30885,106,5,18,"Lily: It will not surprise you, but the rest of the trip was horrible. I did a picture of a romantic kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower, I actually had. It was just between Karen and Francis, our server yesterday."
30886,106,5,18,"Robin: It's terrible. My laptop is just... fell. You me collected?(Barney looks to pick it up) Mouse, m*therf*cker! I!"
30887,106,5,18,Barney: You sure?
30888,106,5,18,Robin: Wait. How you do that?! You were not even standing!
30889,106,5,18,"Barney: The camera loves me. Much more than that. The device I want. The unit wants to put on underwear, put an Al Green CD, dim the lights and do all the work while I was still lying with closed eyes."
30890,106,5,18,"Ted: I feel sorry for Paris and group photos ruined, but... when you're single, you must hope that every girl is good. I mean, Erin.Irene."
30891,106,5,18,Lily: Emily. Isabelle.
30892,106,5,18,Ted: And Sarah.
30893,106,5,18,Lily: Leilani! What's your problem?
30894,106,5,18,"Ted: At the time, I thought each of these girls could be good, but I have to keep hoping. I have no choice."
30895,106,5,18,"Lily: Here is another. More random bitch to my birthday! Hey, baby!"
30896,106,5,18,Amanda: You have a cake rack?
30897,106,5,18,Lily: The drawer under the oven. I can not wait. You're the best!
30898,106,5,18,"Robin: I'm sorry, Ted. I agree with Lily on this. This kind of evening is hard for someone new. That's why I have not brought Don. When I was in Japan, this guy, hot date for our third, took me to his brother's wedding. Now I, a complete stranger, am on the photo album of the marriage of a Japanese couple forever."
30899,106,5,18,Flashback
30900,106,5,18,A Japanese couple looking at a photo album.
30901,106,5,18,Woman: Names that bitch!
30902,106,5,18,Man: Uh...
30903,106,5,18,End flashback
30904,106,5,18,Lily: You should listen to Robin.
30905,106,5,18,Ted: Because Robin is your best friend.
30906,106,5,18,Lily: Right.
30907,106,5,18,Ted: Your best friend on Earth.
30908,106,5,18,Lily: Absolutely.
30909,106,5,18,Marshall: Attention Lily. It's a trap.
30910,106,5,18,"Ted: Before being your best friend, what was she? That's it. One of my random sluts."
30911,106,5,18,"Lily: Yes, okay, Ted. This bitch has proved some nice, but except for bitches, not the rule of bitches."
30912,106,5,18,Robin: I'm starting to cry.
30913,106,5,18,"Marshall: It puts an end to all this conversation about the bitches.Back to the birthday song! Barney, your part is this: ""She's cute She's cute."""
30914,106,5,18,Ted: I bring these girls to party because you are important. You are my family.
30915,106,5,18,"Marshall Robin. Your part is this: ""And nice and sweet and so nice! """
30916,106,5,18,Lily: Yes. We are a family. So why these parties can not they be us?
30917,106,5,18,Flashback
30918,106,5,18,"Marshall, Robin, Lily and Barney are at the restaurant when Ted comes accompanied by a woman."
30919,106,5,18,Lily: Like the time we celebrated the success of Marshall to the bar.
30920,106,5,18,Ted: Here's the disgusting smelly hippie with whom I go out.
30921,106,5,18,End flashback
30922,106,5,18,Ted: I did not say that!
30923,106,5,18,Lily: It's as if you had done.
30924,106,5,18,Flashback
30925,106,5,18,Ted: Here's Framboise.
30926,106,5,18,Marshall: You must order more food?
30927,106,5,18,Ted: No. Raspberry does not eat.
30928,106,5,18,Raspberry: I am a vegetarian.
30929,106,5,18,"Lily: Let us raise our glasses. During the last 3 years, Marshall has worked so hard, and I am so proud of you."
30930,106,5,18,Raspberry: Meat is murder! (She throws her drink in hand and cook) Murder!
30931,106,5,18,End flashback
30932,106,5,18,Ted: I confess. Raspberry was a mistake. But how would I know?
30933,106,5,18,All: It was called Raspberry!
30934,106,5,18,"Ted: If this is so important, Amanda is not in the picture. It does not spoil your birthday. Give him a chance."
30935,106,5,18,"Marshall: Look. We're all friends again! Now working on the harmonies. Merry, Merry Lily-versary! Merry, Merry Lily-versary!"
30936,106,5,18,Amanda: And that's it. I hope you will like.
30937,106,5,18,"Lily: ""Happy 42nd Birthday, Lori."""
30938,106,5,18,"Ted (2030): Children, you remember the look ""you're dead to me"" Lily, she has this expression before exploding in a rage?Well, that was not it. But it was that of Marshall."
30939,106,5,18,"Marshall: ""42nd""? Does the f*cking bomb appeared to have 42 years? Or worse, she has a mind to call Lori?!"
30940,106,5,18,"Lily: No, Marshall, it does not matter."
30941,106,5,18,Marshall: If Lily is serious. Get out of this stranger in my house!
30942,106,5,18,Amanda: I'm sorry.
30943,106,5,18,Marshall: Out!
30944,106,5,18,
30945,106,5,18,Amanda poses the cake and leaves. Ted was also released.
30946,106,5,18,Ted returns to the apartment Marshall and Lily.
30947,106,5,18,"Ted: Amanda refuses to return. She thinks you hate it. Marshall, you have to go apologize."
30948,106,5,18,"Marshall: You've ruined Lily's birthday and you want me to apologize? At worst, you should apologize."
30949,106,5,18,Ted: What are you talking?
30950,106,5,18,"Marshall: You bring her girls at our parties, and it lets them believe that things are serious. After the largues when you, you know to whom they turn? Me. I was the cleaning crew of your girlfriends for years."
30951,106,5,18,Flashback
30952,106,5,18,February 2005...
30953,106,5,18,"Marshall: I had just returned from a marathon to study the law library. Hi, Natalie, where is Ted?"
30954,106,5,18,Natalie: We broke... again! You sit with me a little while? Just sit down?
30955,106,5,18,Marshall: You know what? I have not slept for 36 hours. Just a few minutes.
30956,106,5,18,End flashback
30957,106,5,18,"Marshall: And at first I was totally sympathetic. But damn, Ted, over the years, you made me cynical."
30958,106,5,18,Flashback
30959,106,5,18,February 2005...
30960,106,5,18,"Marshall: I'll get us something to eat, and we'll talk about it until it is clear."
30961,106,5,18,In 2007...
30962,106,5,18,"Woman: I just thought we had something special, you know?"
30963,106,5,18,"Marshall: Me too. Yeah. But you know, life goes darling."
30964,106,5,18,In 2009...
30965,106,5,18,Woman: I know if I'll get over it.
30966,106,5,18,Marshall: Shut up.
30967,106,5,18,End flashback
30968,106,5,18,"Ted: Sorry that my search for love has you so upset. You know, your precious photos might be better if I was not over."
30969,106,5,18,Barney: They would be if Marshall was not on it.
30970,106,5,18,Marshall: Cheap Shot. Low blow.
30971,106,5,18,Ted: You know what these pictures? A big lie. We ask. They are retouched. They are what you want but not the reality.
30972,106,5,18,Lily: This is not true!
30973,106,5,18,"Ted: Oh? Look at that one. Halloween, there is 2 years old. You had not played because you wanted to disguise yourself as a penguin."
30974,106,5,18,"Marshall: It's not that she would not, but she said that penguins are zero. Penguins."
30975,106,5,18,"Ted: And yet you're there, smiling as if nothing was wrong, completely wrong. Robin's birthday, there is 3 years old. Robin had a cold, and you made him remove his pajamas for the photo."
30976,106,5,18,Robin: And you got me pinched cheeks very hard for them to be pink.
30977,106,5,18,"Lily: Yeah, but you were beautiful."
30978,106,5,18,Robin: And then we all ate chocolate cake in my bed.
30979,106,5,18,"Marshall: Actually, it was a good evening."
30980,106,5,18,Lily: It's true.
30981,106,5,18,"Ted: Yeah, that was good."
30982,106,5,18,Lily: Look at that one. This is the first picture of us three.
30983,106,5,18,Marshall: It's true.
30984,106,5,18,Ted: Do you remember what happened?
30985,106,5,18,Flashback
30986,106,5,18,Ted and Marshall are caught in photo.
30987,106,5,18,"Man: Well, are you ready?"
30988,106,5,18,"Ted: Wait, we take what poses? The two cops friends?"
30989,106,5,18,Marshall: No! Why not sitcom of the 80s with two roommates who never agree?
30990,106,5,18,"Man: Cool. Fine. One, two..."
30991,106,5,18,Lily enters the room.
30992,106,5,18,"Lily: Hi, Marshall. Ready for the film?"
30993,106,5,18,Marshall: Yeah. Just one second per cons. We are writing history. We'll take our first picture of roommate.
30994,106,5,18,Ted: And if you came to ask us?
30995,106,5,18,Lily: Really?
30996,106,5,18,Ted: Yeah.
30997,106,5,18,"Marshall: What are you doing, Ted? And if one breaks?"
30998,106,5,18,Ted: And if you break it?
30999,106,5,18,Marshall: Come.
31000,106,5,18,End flashback
31001,106,5,18,Lily: I had totally forgotten that. Marshall and I were together for only a few weeks and you invited me in the photo.
31002,106,5,18,Ted: I liked you.
31003,106,5,18,Lily: We must bring back Amanda.
31004,106,5,18,Ted: Really?
31005,106,5,18,"Lily: You believed in me. It's my turn to believe in you. As far as I know, this is good."
31006,106,5,18,"Ted: Thank you, Lil."
31007,106,5,18,Robin: I think Lori's age made him very wise.
31008,106,5,18,Barney: It is said that it was after 40 years we know each other really.
31009,106,5,18,Ted (2030): So your aunt Lily called Amanda.
31010,106,5,18,"Lily: Come on everybody, come here. Let's make a memory."
31011,106,5,18,"Ted: Marshall, try this. Keep your eyes closed until the last second and when I say, open them."
31012,106,5,18,Robin: It's a hole in your jacket?
31013,106,5,18,Barney: What? Where?
31014,106,5,18,"Ted: Now, Marshall!"
31015,106,5,18,The picture goes off.
31016,106,5,18,Robin: sh1t!
31017,106,5,18,A year later...
31018,106,5,18,Lily: Names that bitch.
31019,106,5,18,Ted: Ann has...? Anna?
31020,106,5,18,"Lily: No, it was my birthday."
31021,106,5,18,Marshall: Your brain is too predictable associations.
31022,106,5,18,"Lily: Come on, everybody. Come here. Let's make a memory."
31023,106,5,18,Barney: Is there anything in the sauce that you've made? It tastes like... coriander. And... you know that cilantro makes me...
31024,106,5,18,The photo is triggered when Barney sneezes.
31025,106,5,18,Robin: Yes!
31026,107,5,19,"Ted (2030): Kids, you have to wonder if everything I am telling you is true. And this is normal. After all, the limit is fine between a good story and a lie."
31027,107,5,19,Flashback
31028,107,5,19,Barney talks to a woman's McLaren.
31029,107,5,19,Ted (2030): No one played as well as Barney with this limit. A breeze for him.
31030,107,5,19,Barney: I love traveling.
31031,107,5,19,Woman: Really? What is the best place that you hast visited?
31032,107,5,19,"Barney: Hawaii is fun. A buddy of mine lives in Seattle. It's really not bad. But the best place? I must say, the moon."
31033,107,5,19,End flashback
31034,107,5,19,"Barney, Marshall, Lily and Ted are in the apartment of the latter."
31035,107,5,19,Ted: You're not convinced a girl that you were the first to walk on the moon? It was seven years before you were born.
31036,107,5,19,"Barney: Ted, a blonde, it's easy."
31037,107,5,19,Flashback
31038,107,5,19,"Barney: Our ship is passed through a hole spatiotemporal or gamma rays or something. I started to rejuvenate, blah, blah, blah. So you bump into one store yoghurt. It must be insane."
31039,107,5,19,End flashback
31040,107,5,19,"Marshall: But I worked at a yogurt shop in high school. And indeed, it was... insane."
31041,107,5,19,"Barney: So, after 20 minutes, the eagle has landed. We fuse into space. Houston, we have a complainer. Other double entender related to space."
31042,107,5,19,Ted: Why are you lying all the time?
31043,107,5,19,"Barney: I do not lie! We made love, I have pictures!"
31044,107,5,19,Robin enters and sighs.
31045,107,5,19,Robin: I hate my job.
31046,107,5,19,Marshall: What? You had not interviewed the mayor?
31047,107,5,19,"Robin: Mayor McWouaf. It teaches the children clean, dressed dog. Finally, it is supposed to."
31048,107,5,19,Flashback
31049,107,5,19,Robin McWouaf interview the mayor.
31050,107,5,19,Mayor: I do not want to talk about Mayor McWouaf. I mean those amazing shoes at Bon Pied-A-Ti! Watch as they absorb the shock!
31051,107,5,19,Robin: The table! There was a table... Back. (The cameraman has fun throwing papers) were returned.
31052,107,5,19,Mike: Sorry Robin. I was bored.
31053,107,5,19,"Robin: Yeah, I understand."
31054,107,5,19,End flashback
31055,107,5,19,"Robin: A single interview proper, it would be nice for a change."
31056,107,5,19,"Ted: Okay, I look at my calendar, see when I'm available. But I want a list of questions in advance and nothing about my private life."
31057,107,5,19,"Robin: Ted, you've nabbed seven peanuts in a row. Impressive but not enough to be published."
31058,107,5,19,Marshall: You have nabbed seven in a row?
31059,107,5,19,Ted: seven in a row. But I speak not of it. I talk about my selection for the construction of a scale model of the Empire State Building for the greater recovery of the New York skyline in the world.
31060,107,5,19,Robin: That's the thing with which you played the other day?
31061,107,5,19,Ted: I was playing it. I was working.
31062,107,5,19,Flashback
31063,107,5,19,Ted plays with characters.
31064,107,5,19,"Ted: ""It's you. """" It's me. """" I saw you in the street. """" Are you Annie? """" Yes. """
31065,107,5,19,"Robin, out of his room: Ted? You redo the end of Sleepless in Seattle with Polly Pocket?"
31066,107,5,19,Ted: How long are you here?
31067,107,5,19,Robin: Ten seconds.
31068,107,5,19,"Ted: Yeah, just the end."
31069,107,5,19,End flashback
31070,107,5,19,Marshall: Again?
31071,107,5,19,A knock on the door.
31072,107,5,19,"Lily: This is the pizza. Baby, you got the cash?"
31073,107,5,19,She gets up to open the door.
31074,107,5,19,"Marshall: You know, in fact, it was not me who should pay.Because I do not really like pizza."
31075,107,5,19,Lily: What!?
31076,107,5,19,Ted: It was literally across the country a hundred times for a pizza.
31077,107,5,19,Lily: I even caught a pizza in the shower.
31078,107,5,19,Delivery Man: Our coupons are your effigy.
31079,107,5,19,"Barney: I'm not saying he loves pizza, but the last time he went, the doctor said, ""stop eating pizza. ""Marshall:"" Why? ""Doc:"" To you examine. "" But seriously, we laugh because we love you."
31080,107,5,19,"Marshall: Okay, so I have no money on me... it's because... I was assaulted."
31081,107,5,19,Lily: You...?
31082,107,5,19,Ted: What?
31083,107,5,19,"Marshall: You can pay Arthur? I have the slab! How is your father, anyway?"
31084,107,5,19,Arthur: Better.
31085,107,5,19,Marshall: That's good.
31086,107,5,19,GENERIC
31087,107,5,19,Lily: Did you get mugged?
31088,107,5,19,"Barney: Who? He wore a black hat and beard of the day? He said ""Hands up! ""?"
31089,107,5,19,"Marshall: Yes, because I was assaulted in 1947 at the corner of Abbott and Costello. But no. I cut through Central Park back from work."
31090,107,5,19,Flashback
31091,107,5,19,Man: Watch out. Come any closer.
31092,107,5,19,Marshall: It's good. It's good.
31093,107,5,19,Marshall gives him his wallet and the man left.
31094,107,5,19,End flashback
31095,107,5,19,Marshall: It was downright terrifying.
31096,107,5,19,Barney: It was downright terrifying.
31097,107,5,19,Marshall: What are you doing?
31098,107,5,19,Barney: I repeat. I will say that it happened to me to lie on compassion.
31099,107,5,19,Marshall: It will not work. If?
31100,107,5,19,Lily: Not a bit.
31101,107,5,19,Marshall: I authorize you to do.
31102,107,5,19,"Lily: I do not think there's a gun to my Marshmallow. Now, I tremble. I think I will not sleep all night."
31103,107,5,19,"Robin: Oh, sweetie. I have a trick to help you sleep. (She pulls out his gun) Glue this under your pillow. You'll sleep like a f*cking baby."
31104,107,5,19,Ted: Robin puts it.
31105,107,5,19,Robin: It's going to hurt someone. There is the... security.
31106,107,5,19,"Marshall: Okay, you know what? We'll all calm down. We do not need a gun. I just want to forget what happened and continue to live my life."
31107,107,5,19,Barney: I just want to forget what happened and continue to live my life. It's great. But I think I'll add a tear.
31108,107,5,19,"Marshall: Listen baby, I know it's scary, but look at me. I'm fine.You can put this behind us?"
31109,107,5,19,"Barney: It's gold! But I'd rather say 'put me behind you. """
31110,107,5,19,"Lily: Baby, do not worry for me, I mean, yes, I'm a little scared, but I am New York. I will not let me change it."
31111,107,5,19,Lily and Robin are at the shooting range.
31112,107,5,19,Lily: I changed! I like the weapons now. Charger.
31113,107,5,19,Robin: Maybe there should be a pause..
31114,107,5,19,"Lily: I said, ""shipper""."
31115,107,5,19,Robin gives the charger.
31116,107,5,19,"Marshall, Lily, Barney and Ted are at McLaren's."
31117,107,5,19,Marshall: You wanna buy a gun?
31118,107,5,19,"Lily: No one who scares. A tiny Beretta pink that goes with these cute sandals I just bought. In fact, our new credit card works."
31119,107,5,19,"Marshall: You do not need a weapon. All studies in the world come together to say that a home is safer with no weapon, especially ours. You know how I ever hurt you unintentionally."
31120,107,5,19,Flashback
31121,107,5,19,Marshall opens a bottle...
31122,107,5,19,"Marshall: Pretty easy, huh? (And send the cork in the eye of Lily. Marshall and Lily sleeping when Marshall is a slap to Lily. Marshall before the fridge and opens the door when Lily arrives. They dance loose Lily and Marshall) Dispatch, baby. The party will begin. (Lily is dressed up and scared a killer Marshall puts his fist) You had to disguise yourself in sexy chat!"
31123,107,5,19,Lily: I have changed my mind.
31124,107,5,19,End flashback
31125,107,5,19,"Marshall: Now, you want to add a weapon in this equation?"
31126,107,5,19,"Lily: I know, you're right, but every time I close my eyes, I see this guy pointing a gun at you. And... you're my world, Marshall. If something happened to you one day, I would..."
31127,107,5,19,"Marshall: I know. I know. Listen, I must confess something. This attack did not go exactly as I said."
31128,107,5,19,Barney: So it was indeed a black bonnet. J'l'avais said!
31129,107,5,19,Marshall: He wore no black cap. It is wearing nothing at all.
31130,107,5,19,"Ted: Wait, so..."
31131,107,5,19,Flashback
31132,107,5,19,Man: Watch out. Come any closer.
31133,107,5,19,Marshall: It's good. It's good.
31134,107,5,19,Marshall gives him his wallet.
31135,107,5,19,End flashback
31136,107,5,19,Lily: He assaulted you naked?
31137,107,5,19,Barney: I do not ask where he kept his weapon.
31138,107,5,19,Ted: We're sure it was a weapon?
31139,107,5,19,"Marshall: No, guys. I came home from work on foot. Through Central Park, and I stopped at the zoo."
31140,107,5,19,Flashback
31141,107,5,19,Marshall looks at the monkeys.
31142,107,5,19,Man: Watch out. Come any closer.
31143,107,5,19,Marshall: It's good. It's good.
31144,107,5,19,The man from the monkey glue and Marshall against the railing of his cage.
31145,107,5,19,End flashback
31146,107,5,19,Barney: You're telling us...
31147,107,5,19,Ted: What you got mugged...
31148,107,5,19,Marshall: For a monkey. I got mugged by a monkey.
31149,107,5,19,"Ted, Barney and Lily laugh at Marshall."
31150,107,5,19,Barney: You've been mugged by a monkey?
31151,107,5,19,"Marshall: Yeah, I got mugged by a monkey. I was embarrassed, so I invented another story. The important, Lily, you do not need a weapon."
31152,107,5,19,Lily: Forget the weapon. It is on that now.
31153,107,5,19,Ted: The monkeys attack people? It really is a jungle out.
31154,107,5,19,Lily: This monkey has our address. And if it belonged to a gang?I hope he will climb to see us.
31155,107,5,19,Barney: Why did not you asked the guard to recover your wallet?
31156,107,5,19,Marshall: Because I saw that the monkey did and I wanted more after.
31157,107,5,19,"Robin, who happens: Hi, friends. What's new?"
31158,107,5,19,Barney: New information has been discovered on the attack on Marshall.
31159,107,5,19,Robin: Really? They caught him?
31160,107,5,19,Ted: He is behind bars.
31161,107,5,19,"Robin: So, where did they find?"
31162,107,5,19,"Lily: I think naked in a tree, throwing his feces."
31163,107,5,19,Robin: I've seen. That's why I take the taxi.
31164,107,5,19,"Ted: You know how they caught him, huh?"
31165,107,5,19,Marshall: They tracked.
31166,107,5,19,Ted: They tracked!
31167,107,5,19,Robin: What's happening?
31168,107,5,19,Marshall: Okay. That's what happened.
31169,107,5,19,"Barney: No, I said. This is my story. You see, the young Marshall was at the zoo, eating a banana..."
31170,107,5,19,Marshall is sitting on a bench and eat a banana.
31171,107,5,19,"Marshall: I ate no banana! If you tell it, do it well."
31172,107,5,19,Barney: You're right. The banana was on the floor.
31173,107,5,19,A banana is on the ground and Marshall try to pick it up but can not do it.
31174,107,5,19,Marshall: Was not... Was not banana banana.
31175,107,5,19,"Barney: Marshall, I'm sorry, really. Here's what happened."
31176,107,5,19,The monkey a banana tip in the back of Marshall.
31177,107,5,19,Marshall: Do not shoot. There was no banana!
31178,107,5,19,"Robin: Come on, Barney. I know that Marshall has not been mugged by a monkey."
31179,107,5,19,"Marshall: This part is right. It is not unusual, right? Thailand, China, Costa Rica, people are attacked by monkeys all the time.They are gatherers. Because of their dynamic inter-social, have a predisposition to flight, gives them a genetic advantage."
31180,107,5,19,Lily: You've been mugged by a monkey!
31181,107,5,19,Ted: It might be curious. You were wearing a yellow hat?
31182,107,5,19,"Robin Marshall, seriously, it's a great story. I can interview you on my show?"
31183,107,5,19,Ted: What? Him in your program? And my model?
31184,107,5,19,Robin: No one wants to see a guy who comes to play with dolls.
31185,107,5,19,"Ted: First, it was not what you think. Secondly, you got a guy playing with dolls."
31186,107,5,19,Flashback
31187,107,5,19,Robin interview a man with dolls.
31188,107,5,19,"Robin: So, your dolls are favorites of Rhinebeck prices next month."
31189,107,5,19,"Men: Only if they are holding up well. Last year, I found one of her frolicking with GI Joe. This is not funny. What were you thinking? And if you were pregnant?"
31190,107,5,19,End flashback
31191,107,5,19,Ted: And you invited back for a second interview.
31192,107,5,19,"Robin: Because the FBI wanted to be occupied while they searched his home. Come on, Marshall. I need history. It has everything. Crime, monkeys, no stupid model of the Empire State Building, which takes me all my living room and smelly glue everywhere. Go. Do this for me... As a friend?"
31193,107,5,19,Lily: It would be nice to see you on TV.
31194,107,5,19,Marshall: Can you promise me to present it so that I am not ridiculous to myself assaulted by a monkey?
31195,107,5,19,Lily: You've been mugged by a monkey.
31196,107,5,19,
31197,107,5,19,Barney entered the apartment while Ted is sitting on the couch.
31198,107,5,19,Barney: I've just been mugged.
31199,107,5,19,Ted: What?
31200,107,5,19,Barney: That's what I said to the girl at the bar just now...
31201,107,5,19,Flashback
31202,107,5,19,Barney: It was downright terrifying. I would just like to forget what happened and continue to live my life.
31203,107,5,19,Woman: My poor darling.
31204,107,5,19,Woman 2: Neil? Neil!
31205,107,5,19,"Barney: Well, my name is not Neil. This is Bar..."
31206,107,5,19,He turns to face the first woman with whom he discussed that and he said he was Neil Armstrong.
31207,107,5,19,Woman: Why you call it Neil?
31208,107,5,19,Woman 2: Because it's his name. This is Neil Armstrong.
31209,107,5,19,Woman: The cyclist?
31210,107,5,19,Woman 2: You're not supposed to be on a space mission?
31211,107,5,19,Woman: You've just mugged?
31212,107,5,19,"Barney: Well, I can do. You see, I was on the road to the launch pad when I got mugged. And the aggressor... took my keys from the shuttle. Successful. Who wants to do something to 3?"
31213,107,5,19,Woman 2: Me.
31214,107,5,19,Woman: Me too.
31215,107,5,19,End flashback
31216,107,5,19,Barney: And it was the best thing in my life 3.
31217,107,5,19,"Ted: Funny, you look like you just got two vodka and tonic in the face."
31218,107,5,19,Marshall: You're the lemon in your hair.
31219,107,5,19,"Barney: The story is better with my end... It's... Okay? So we were there, zero gravity. They wore helmets that astronauts..."
31220,107,5,19,"Robin, entering: Marshall, you never will believe. I spoke to my producer monkey aggressor and he loves!"
31221,107,5,19,Marshall: Really? Cool.
31222,107,5,19,Robin: Who knows someone who has been mugged by a monkey?
31223,107,5,19,"Marshall: Nobody except the good people of Thailand, China, Costa Rica and many other countries where the crime committed by the monkeys is a common nuisance."
31224,107,5,19,"Robin: The best is that it is possible that the story goes on national TV. Guys, this story of the monkey attacker can make me famous."
31225,107,5,19,"Marshall: Me too. Guys, it will not. I can not do that."
31226,107,5,19,Ted: It's a little embarrassing. So what?
31227,107,5,19,Marshall: That's not it. Guys... I'm not assaulted by a monkey.
31228,107,5,19,"Ted, Barney and Marshall are at the bar with the guys."
31229,107,5,19,"Ted: So, you've not been mugged by a monkey?"
31230,107,5,19,Marshall: Not at all.
31231,107,5,19,Barney: So what you're saying is that you got the monkey trapped so you give him your wallet?
31232,107,5,19,"Marshall: No, that's not it."
31233,107,5,19,Ted: So you got the monkey attacked?
31234,107,5,19,"Marshall: Guys, there was no monkey! He was a man with a gun."
31235,107,5,19,"Barney: You sure it was not a monkey on the shoulders of another monkey, wearing a trench coat?"
31236,107,5,19,Ted: That would be the right size.
31237,107,5,19,"Marshall: I just invented this story that Lily does not buy a weapon. In truth, it never happened."
31238,107,5,19,Barney: I can not believe.
31239,107,5,19,Marshall: What?
31240,107,5,19,Barney: You heard me. You got attacked by a monkey. You want to go to the issuance of Robin because you're afraid of being ridiculous.
31241,107,5,19,Marshall: I would not?
31242,107,5,19,"Barney: If serious, this is too funny."
31243,107,5,19,"Marshall: Well, this has never happened. And I can lie to you because you are my best friends."
31244,107,5,19,"Barney: I, yes, but still."
31245,107,5,19,Marshall: But I can not lie on national TV.
31246,107,5,19,Barney: You know a long time. He told the truth?
31247,107,5,19,"Marshall: Ted, do not do that..."
31248,107,5,19,Ted: I could not say. It smells good. But I could not say.
31249,107,5,19,Barney: I still say that it happened.
31250,107,5,19,"Ted: Maybe. But, Marshall, if you have not been attacked by a monkey, Robin must not speak on his show. It would be more credible."
31251,107,5,19,"Barney: Journalists lie constantly. Sorry, but I believe that Jack Palance is dead when I see the body."
31252,107,5,19,"Ted: It will perhaps shock you Barney, but people do not like lying to them."
31253,107,5,19,"Barney: False! They like to discover that they lied. ""Because a lie is just a great story that has mixed with the truth."" Barney Stinson. Example, that Sarah gave me this!"
31254,107,5,19,Marshall: You mean what you done to him.
31255,107,5,19,"Barney: No, I mean what she did. In truth, I fear that history has not gone exactly as I said."
31256,107,5,19,Flashback
31257,107,5,19,"Barney: Passed. Who wants to do something to 3? (The two women throw their glasses to him the figure) Lisa, wait."
31258,107,5,19,"Lisa: Yes, Neil?"
31259,107,5,19,"Barney: It's you Lisa? Sarah, wait. Listen. I'm Neil Armstrong.Sorry I lied."
31260,107,5,19,"Lisa: Well, I think I have not been completely honest with you either. I said I was 28, but in truth, I'm 31."
31261,107,5,19,End flashback
31262,107,5,19,"Barney: 31 years! I was happy, very happy, thinking that because I put a 28 year old daughter who has taken too much sun. People want to lie. Marshall, they need the lie, that's why, in my case, you've been mugged by a monkey. As far as I'm done with this plan 3. I am the best in the world!"
31263,107,5,19,"Lily, what happens: This is the belt of Planar 3?"
31264,107,5,19,Barney: You know it.
31265,107,5,19,Lily: Well done! I have too much sleep last night. Can you imagine that I almost buy a gun? I'm glad you assaulted by a monkey.
31266,107,5,19,Marshall: You got me. I was just nervous. I got mugged by a monkey.
31267,107,5,19,Barney: Yeah! I knew it.
31268,107,5,19,Ted: Now I think you're not really mugged by a monkey.
31269,107,5,19,"Barney: Come on, Ted. Why he would invent something like that?"
31270,107,5,19,"Marshall: Come on, Ted."
31271,107,5,19,"Ted: Come here. Seriously, what's your flavor? It's intoxicating."
31272,107,5,19,"Ted (2030): Late the next night, we went on board the issue of Robin."
31273,107,5,19,"Robin: Do not be nervous. We will sit down... It's that thing, whore?"
31274,107,5,19,"Ted: I know. Looks like something covered by a sheet. If you want to discover, you will have to do a story on it."
31275,107,5,19,Robin: It's you who will be covered by the sheet if you leave your model not stupid.
31276,107,5,19,"Barney: Dude, what do you do?"
31277,107,5,19,"Ted: I do not think Marshall will lie on TV. And when it gives up, I wanna be there for Robin, with a story. Or rather, 102 stories, because it is the height of a building in New York."
31278,107,5,19,Barney: Now I want a weapon.
31279,107,5,19,Marshall: The monkey is there.
31280,107,5,19,Robin: Surprise. We thought it would help to bring you to confront your abuser.
31281,107,5,19,"Man: Because of this incident, we will send Captain Bobo in a nature reserve."
31282,107,5,19,Lily: I bet he will love it.
31283,107,5,19,"Man: No, ma'am. You see, we will separate him from his wife, Milly. They have been together long."
31284,107,5,19,Marshall: The name of his companion is Milly?
31285,107,5,19,Ted (2030): And then the interview began.
31286,107,5,19,"Robin: In your own words, describe what happened."
31287,107,5,19,"Marshall: Well... I'd love to tell you what happened, Robin. But... I really want to know what's under that sheet."
31288,107,5,19,Robin: We talk about that. We speak your aggression.
31289,107,5,19,"Marshall: People are attacked every day in New York, Robin, do we often see what's under that sheet? You can shoot it?"
31290,107,5,19,Robin: We come back.
31291,107,5,19,Mike: It's good.
31292,107,5,19,Robin: What are you doing?
31293,107,5,19,Marshall: I have not really been attacked by a monkey. I invented it for that Lily buys a gun.
31294,107,5,19,Lily: You have not been attacked by a monkey?
31295,107,5,19,"Marshall: What are you talking, baby? Of course I do."
31296,107,5,19,"Robin: Great, tell it to America. Five minutes."
31297,107,5,19,Marshall: Not five minutes. I have not been attacked by a monkey.
31298,107,5,19,Lily: It's good. I buy a gun.
31299,107,5,19,Marshall: No. I got mugged.
31300,107,5,19,Man: So Bobo goes.
31301,107,5,19,Marshall: No! I have not been mugged!
31302,107,5,19,Barney: You know if it was attacked?
31303,107,5,19,Ted: I have no idea.
31304,107,5,19,"Man: Did you or not, was attacked by Captain Bobo?"
31305,107,5,19,Lily: Tell us just what happened.
31306,107,5,19,"Robin: Yes, tell us the truth."
31307,107,5,19,Ted (2030): And that's when Marshall realized that there was one thing to say.
31308,107,5,19,Marshall: Okay! That is the truth. I go back... back to bed.
31309,107,5,19,He gets up and leaves.
31310,107,5,19,"Ted (2030): And that was it. We never knew what really happened to the portfolio of Marshall. But we know that. Aunt Lily has never had a weapon, Robin's credibility remained intact, and Bobo and Milly lived together at the Central Park Zoo."
31311,107,5,19,"Robin: sh1t. Okay, put a microphone."
31312,107,5,19,Ted: Micro and makeup in place. The socks of the arch duchess.
31313,107,5,19,Barney: It was not very satisfactory. When I tell that he was attacked by a monkey. And I keep the stuff of banana. It was good.
31314,107,5,19,"Ted: Barney, stop lying. You can not put another end because the conclusion does not satisfy you."
31315,107,5,19,"Barney: Really? Well, believe me, Mosby. One day you shall tell this story and you'll see things my way."
31316,107,5,19,Ted: I doubt it.
31317,107,5,19,Ted (2030): The children you will not believe what happened.
31318,107,5,19,Mike: The monkey escaped!
31319,107,5,19,Male 2: It has one of my dolls!
31320,107,5,19,"Man: Bobo, just there, Bobo."
31321,107,5,19,Mike: He climbs the building!
31322,107,5,19,"Man: Bobo, come here."
31323,107,5,19,Mike: I'll get it.
31324,107,5,19,He throws paper airplanes.
31325,107,5,19,Ted: It's really happening?
31326,107,5,19,"Barney: Of course, Ted."
31327,107,5,19,Ted (2030): True story.
31328,108,5,20,"Ted (2030): Children, everybody has at least a moment to take a huge decision, a crazy decision that will change their lives forever. This is a story of mine."
31329,108,5,20,Ted is with his mother in the apartment.
31330,108,5,20,"Ted (2030): It all started with a visit to my mother and her boyfriend for a long time, Clint, who always said things in the style..."
31331,108,5,20,"Clint: Ted, your mother is really a woman... really erotic boy."
31332,108,5,20,Ted: Please do not.
31333,108,5,20,"Clint: As a painter, slash, composer, slash, voluntary combatant with fear. I find it incredibly... sensual. But you have s*x own memories of your mother, right?"
31334,108,5,20,"Ted: Please, stop."
31335,108,5,20,"Clint: Exciting her nipple, receiving her milk. You follow me?Fine."
31336,108,5,20,Clint rises.
31337,108,5,20,Mother: I can not believe I'm with this man.
31338,108,5,20,"Ted: Mom, mom, it's good. You're not obliged to ask you with him. There's full of guys..."
31339,108,5,20,Mother: It's so cool! And he chooses!
31340,108,5,20,"Ted: Yeah! Finally, I... I'm glad you're happy."
31341,108,5,20,"Clint: Oh, well... because that was an ad to make you... Son."
31342,108,5,20,GENERIC
31343,108,5,20,The band is at McLaren's with the mother of Ted and Clint.
31344,108,5,20,"Ted (2030): Yes, my mother was lapping. I married for the second time before I get married once. I was so happy for them.f*cking happy. While weddings can be magical. As far as I know, I'll end up dancing with my future wife in this marriage."
31345,108,5,20,Ted dancing with a woman of a certain age.
31346,108,5,20,"Woman: And if you do not boil the jars of jam, it will be a haven for bacteria."
31347,108,5,20,Ted (2030): It was not her.
31348,108,5,20,"Lily: Oh, congratulations!"
31349,108,5,20,Marshall: We're so happy for you!
31350,108,5,20,Mother: I feel like my 19 years. It is as if the past 35 years had never happened.
31351,108,5,20,"Ted: I love to listen to you, Mom."
31352,108,5,20,"Clint: Son, to show you that your mother and I will always be there for you, I want you to have this beautiful picture I have painted."
31353,108,5,20,"Ted (2030): Children, there was no guitar."
31354,108,5,20,"Clint: I'm sorry, Ted."
31355,108,5,20,Robin: Best...
31356,108,5,20,Marshall:... marriage...
31357,108,5,20,Lily:... never...
31358,108,5,20,Barney:... seen.
31359,108,5,20,"Clint: Hello everyone. Mahallow to be there with us. Throughout my life, well, this life. I waited a muse as Virginia. Girl... this is your song."
31360,108,5,20,He plays guitar and sings.
31361,108,5,20,Ted: Oh my God.
31362,108,5,20,"Ted (2030): Children, I swear, I remember the 12 minutes following. So I have no idea of the end of the song."
31363,108,5,20,"Clint, singing: And Mahatma Gandhi. And pancakes. Well all together! And the dragon. And you."
31364,108,5,20,"Barney: Guys, guys! Guess what Robin has done."
31365,108,5,20,Flashback
31366,108,5,20,20 seconds ago...
31367,108,5,20,Barney: You're currently whining?
31368,108,5,20,"Robin: I know it's stupid, but... And the dragon. They are happy, you know?"
31369,108,5,20,"Barney: Not as much as me, Robin. Guys, guys! Guess what Robin has done."
31370,108,5,20,End flashback
31371,108,5,20,"Barney: And then I just tell you guys what Robin has done, but you were there for. I must tell you the rest of the wedding. Aunt Meredith!"
31372,108,5,20,"Ted (2030): Children, I can not exaggerate how horrible it is to be a single guy in his mother's second marriage."
31373,108,5,20,"Man: So, Ted, when you get married?"
31374,108,5,20,"Male 2: So, Ted, when you get married?"
31375,108,5,20,Woman: You marry when?
31376,108,5,20,Woman 2: You marry when?
31377,108,5,20,Older woman: You marry when?
31378,108,5,20,"Barney: Robin whining during the song Clint. Oh, I've already said. The super good sister of Ted, Heather!"
31379,108,5,20,Ted: I gotta go.
31380,108,5,20,"Marshall: Wait, Ted. And your speech?"
31381,108,5,20,Ted: Inventing an emergency or anything. I... I... I'll get it.
31382,108,5,20,"Marshall: Ted, Ted, what are you doing? It is the marriage of your mother!"
31383,108,5,20,Ted leaves the room.
31384,108,5,20,"Barney: Uncle Larry, sky gods. Niagara Falls. It is empty."
31385,108,5,20,Ted (2030): And my friends I have not seen during the next 72 hours.
31386,108,5,20,"Robin, Marshall, Lily and Barney are at the bar."
31387,108,5,20,"Lily: Seriously, Ted is fine? I mean, I know that the weekend was hard, but hey... it's weird radio silence."
31388,108,5,20,Robin: I know. His mother called such five times to ask where he was.
31389,108,5,20,Barney: Sorry Robin. They are all out of pretzels. And I know how you're emotional. (He gives her a stack of paper towels) Shh. Leave it alone.
31390,108,5,20,"Robin: Okay! Okay, I... I cried during the song Clint."
31391,108,5,20,Barney: She cried to the song of Clint.
31392,108,5,20,"Ted: Hi, guys."
31393,108,5,20,"Lily: Ted, where were you?"
31394,108,5,20,Robin: Is that okay?
31395,108,5,20,"Ted: Oh, that's fine. I'm in top form. Go. We'll take a look!"
31396,108,5,20,"Marshall, Lily, Barney and Robin and Ted are in the car leads."
31397,108,5,20,"Marshall: Hey, man, you would not possibly let someone who does not like a kind of mania old driving license?"
31398,108,5,20,"Lily: Yeah, but where we're going to end?"
31399,108,5,20,"Ted: First, let me tell you what happened on the wedding day."
31400,108,5,20,Flashback
31401,108,5,20,"Ted: Watching my mother to marry, I realized how I was late in relation to it on my life. I'm just going to leave here. So I walked into my hotel room and I went on a website where I go sometimes when I have trouble sleeping."
31402,108,5,20,End flashback
31403,108,5,20,"All: Oh! Oh! Oh! Ted, come! Oh, my god!"
31404,108,5,20,Lily: We do not want to know what you do on the internet when you feel alone.
31405,108,5,20,Ted: I have not spent... It is not that part of the night I was talking about.
31406,108,5,20,Flashback
31407,108,5,20,"Ted: I was on my favorite site for real estate auction... Come on, we all did... visit some properties on the site."
31408,108,5,20,End flashback
31409,108,5,20,Ted takes his friends see a house.
31410,108,5,20,Ted: Guys... I just bought the house of my dreams.
31411,108,5,20,"Lily: What, are you saying that you bought the house?"
31412,108,5,20,"Ted: I mean, I put an online auction and I won the next day and I was accepted. I have just finalized all the paperwork."
31413,108,5,20,"Barney: And that was fine with Blair Witch, and she tried to haggle on closing costs?"
31414,108,5,20,"Marshall: Try not to laugh with you that, man."
31415,108,5,20,"Ted: So, I thought this piece would be the desktop. You see, a place just for dad. I mean, kids can come if they read a book, but no toy. This is not about to hold my love. It is rather a question of drawing a boundary."
31416,108,5,20,Robin: Whoa.
31417,108,5,20,"Lily: Ted, you're barge. It will take years and a small fortune for it to be liveable."
31418,108,5,20,"Ted: I'm an architect. I would find a way. And if I start now, this is over so that my wife and I can move."
31419,108,5,20,"Barney: Is it in the room with us right now, Ted?"
31420,108,5,20,"Ted: Okay, okay. I know. I have not found Ms. Mosby yet, but I will get it. Knock on wood."
31421,108,5,20,"Marshall: Look out, man."
31422,108,5,20,"Lily: Ted, you can not go on like this where you will make your life. It does not work like that."
31423,108,5,20,"Robin: Yeah, I agree. This is perhaps the dumbest thing you've ever done."
31424,108,5,20,Barney: The dumbest thing that ON've ever done.
31425,108,5,20,"Marshall: Okay, well. Ted let alone a little, right?"
31426,108,5,20,Ted: Thank you.
31427,108,5,20,"Marshall: Okay? We all did stupid stuff in our lives. For example, I remember once when I put the rocket in the bathroom and tried to put them to dry in the microwave."
31428,108,5,20,"Robin: My God, you had to be completely stuffed."
31429,108,5,20,"Barney: No, it's too dumb to whether adult. It should be child when it happened."
31430,108,5,20,Robin: Children? Why...
31431,108,5,20,Barney: Put rockets in...
31432,108,5,20,"Marshall: Oh, my God, guys! Great new game: ""Drunk or child? ""I was what? Guess."
31433,108,5,20,Lily: Bourre.
31434,108,5,20,Robin: Bourre.
31435,108,5,20,Barney: Gamin.
31436,108,5,20,Ted: Gamin.
31437,108,5,20,"Marshall: Drum roll, please. I was... Drunk!"
31438,108,5,20,"Barney: You know, I'm glad Robin have guessed. Because it is really sensitive and fragile. I talk about the times she cried during the song Clint. And while I whisper, I hope she hears me."
31439,108,5,20,Robin: It was not me!
31440,108,5,20,Lily: What?
31441,108,5,20,Robin: It's not me who cried during the song Clint.
31442,108,5,20,
31443,108,5,20,Flashback
31444,108,5,20,Robin: Are you crying?
31445,108,5,20,"Barney: I know it's silly, but... And the dragon. They are happy, you know?"
31446,108,5,20,Robin: Not as much as me.
31447,108,5,20,Barney: I shall spin you 500 dollars if it happened to you instead of me.
31448,108,5,20,Robin: $ 500? No worries.
31449,108,5,20,"Barney: Thank you, Robin. You saved me an explanation and an excruciating public humiliation. Guys! Guys! Guess what Robin has done."
31450,108,5,20,End flashback
31451,108,5,20,"Barney: Wait, you're..."
31452,108,5,20,"Man going: Hi, I'm here for inspection."
31453,108,5,20,"Ted: Oh, great! I began to think that you would not come."
31454,108,5,20,"Man: Well I'm here for a while, but I think the bell does not work."
31455,108,5,20,Ted: Hmm.
31456,108,5,20,"Man: Oh, hey! The doorbell does not work."
31457,108,5,20,"Barney: Wait, wait. You will inspect the place where now?"
31458,108,5,20,"Ted: Well, yeah."
31459,108,5,20,All: Hey! Hey! Hey!
31460,108,5,20,"Marshall: Okay! Well! Well, just remember that we all did stupid stuff in our lives, okay? For example, once I tried to cycle on an extension ladder to a roof of a two-story house. The only question is I was a kid or drunk? Drum roll, please."
31461,108,5,20,Flashback
31462,108,5,20,Marshall is lying on the ground.
31463,108,5,20,Marshall: I was...
31464,108,5,20,Mother: Marshall is dead! Marshall died!
31465,108,5,20,End flashback
31466,108,5,20,"Marshall: A kid! Mom, are you? You always make a fuss about nothing."
31467,108,5,20,"Ted: Hey, check the porch, huh? Go. I will put a gate there.Every Sunday here, it'll be a huge party sausage."
31468,108,5,20,Marshall: Hmm... sausage party?
31469,108,5,20,"Ted: Burgers, burgers will be made."
31470,108,5,20,"Lily: Ted, stop that. You can not keep this house. This is a huge mistake."
31471,108,5,20,"Ted: Lily, listen to me. I had a plan, right? A woman, a house, children, and it turned out that the universe is really sh1t to what is the wife and children. So what is the thing I can control? The house I bought. It's not a huge mistake."
31472,108,5,20,"Marshall: Exactly. Now, I currently drive the car of my brother in the opposite direction on I-94. Now that was a big mistake. I was... a kid."
31473,108,5,20,"Robin: Wow, Barney. You've been crying about this guy or what?"
31474,108,5,20,"Man: Yeah, you have leaky pipes. But on the bright side, the pond in your basement drowned rats the biggest and slowest.The others, well... They go by."
31475,108,5,20,"Lily: You see, you should have waited to see all the problems that home."
31476,108,5,20,"Ted: You can always have problems with any decision, but you can not let that stop you. First day in college, Marshall knew he wanted to spend his life with you. And if someone was there to contradict his decision?"
31477,108,5,20,Flashback
31478,108,5,20,1996... Lily leaves Marshall's room.
31479,108,5,20,"Marshall: I know this is our second hot date but, Lily Aldrin, I will marry you."
31480,108,5,20,"Man: Not so fast. (He brings Lily in the room) was some form of problem here. These hips are not suitable for a baby Eriksen.And that thing she does not have the right filter. This is a maintenance problem that never leave. And I know you think like this gothic look now. But basically, you've always imagined with a Spanish style? I would recommend you take a look at the options in the lease."
31481,108,5,20,End flashback
31482,108,5,20,"Ted: But Marshall took the risk, and that's the best thing that ever happened to you both."
31483,108,5,20,"Barney: It was Robin! ""What! ""Yes, it was Robin who cried at the song Clint! But she said... I know what she said. But that's not what she wanted you to know."
31484,108,5,20,Flashback
31485,108,5,20,10 minutes earlier...
31486,108,5,20,"Robin: Look, Barney, I support most all these jokes about me crying. And if I claim to prove it was you who was crying, that you would not be a problem?"
31487,108,5,20,Barney: Of course.
31488,108,5,20,"Robin: I made a mistake in letting you go, right? Your pen1s is huge."
31489,108,5,20,End flashback
31490,108,5,20,"Lily: Boy, you've almost had us still."
31491,108,5,20,Marshall: You're always a little too far.
31492,108,5,20,Barney: sh1t.
31493,108,5,20,"Man: Well, good news. I think we all will soon be out of here."
31494,108,5,20,Ted: Really?
31495,108,5,20,"Man: Yes, I ended up downstairs and outside. Now, I could continue to look and see what I could do except black mold, bearing walls damaged, frayed electrical son, lead paint, water damage, fire damage, sun damage, off the cares, the floor is rotting... Oh, look at that, not termites. The chimney cracked, bats, rats, spiders, raccoons, the tramp, the gutter parts, the old fuse box, paint the kitchen which is not bad, but really swear the plates with the plans working. Or I could advise you not to buy this miserable house Guantanamo Bay, and suggest you break all by before a wind blowing through all son of bitches from here."
31496,108,5,20,Ted: And if I had already bought the son of a bitch?
31497,108,5,20,Man: I'll see at the top if all goes well.
31498,108,5,20,Marshall: He said he had found a tramp?
31499,108,5,20,"Ted: Ok, yes. There are problems. But I see this house as I know it can be. I see a swing on the tree outside. I see a crown on the front door at Christmas. I see a barbecue outside on the patio or I would make Barbec every weekend. I see a life I know I can be here."
31500,108,5,20,The ceiling collapsed.
31501,108,5,20,Barney: I see a complaint.
31502,108,5,20,Man: Found termites.
31503,108,5,20,The man was taken on a stretcher.
31504,108,5,20,"Robin: Hey, good, good news is that the inspector has killed some cockroaches at the time of impact."
31505,108,5,20,"Lily: Oh, stay there. Huge hole on the second floor. I just want to be sure the report is accurate."
31506,108,5,20,"Ted: You were right. It was a huge mistake. It's just that... the world is changing, but me... You have a flat 'for years. It's getting serious between Robin and Don. Barney, perhaps this is a new tie?"
31507,108,5,20,Barney: Thank you. My God.
31508,108,5,20,Ted: Now my mother remarried. I... I'm exactly the same spot 5 years ago. I'm tired. I'm... I'm ready for life that goes with this house.
31509,108,5,20,"Barney: OK, buddy. Sometimes people make bad decisions in life. Like your mother."
31510,108,5,20,Ted: What do you mean?
31511,108,5,20,"Barney: Ted, as you know, I've always been really, really addicted to your mother."
31512,108,5,20,"Ted: Please, stop."
31513,108,5,20,"Barney: Actually, Virginia and I spent a special time in 2006.Before Clint."
31514,108,5,20,Ted: What are you talking about?
31515,108,5,20,Barney: I wanted to be your father!
31516,108,5,20,Ted: What does that mean?
31517,108,5,20,"Barney: Do not answer me, young man. That's why I cried at the song of Clint. Because that b*st*rd stole your mother. And now all that remains for me... is the memory of the drop at the airport."
31518,108,5,20,Flashback
31519,108,5,20,In 2006... Barney is in a car with Ted's mother.
31520,108,5,20,Barney: And that's how you got the pin? Incredible. You... So... here we go.
31521,108,5,20,Virginia: Here we go.
31522,108,5,20,Barney: It is a good time. Not much traffic...
31523,108,5,20,"Virginia: Oh, I love this song."
31524,108,5,20,Barney: Is it true? Hmm. I can... Listen... Ted's mother. I... I should really...
31525,108,5,20,They kiss.
31526,108,5,20,Virginia: Your pen1s is huge.
31527,108,5,20,End flashback
31528,108,5,20,Marshall: Again?! One too many!
31529,108,5,20,"Barney: Okay, that's good. Well, I invented the last, but everything else, I swear it was true. Come on, man. Your mother is a cougar."
31530,108,5,20,"Robin: Wait, I thought you said that a cougar could not be more than 50 years."
31531,108,5,20,"Barney: Okay, this is a Mellencamp."
31532,108,5,20,"Ted: Guys, I'm in trouble. I mean, the best I can do is to improve the house and sell the property with great losses."
31533,108,5,20,"Lily: Listen, Ted... Usually in life, when you make a huge mistake, you must learn to live with. But how many times you got the chance to take a mass break out and all?"
31534,108,5,20,Ted takes the mass of the hands of Lily.
31535,108,5,20,Ted: It's silly.
31536,108,5,20,Barney: Your mother and I were at second base.
31537,108,5,20,Ted breaks the wall and each turn he blows a mass in the wall.
31538,108,5,20,Ted: Thank you Lily. It was fantastic.
31539,108,5,20,"Lily: A Ted Mosby, owner, friends, and if he can rent it, Slumlord."
31540,108,5,20,Ted: There... there is one last thing I should do.
31541,108,5,20,Ted (2030): And my friends have not seen during the next 72 hours.
31542,108,5,20,Ted goes out and leaves the other in the dilapidated house.
31543,108,5,20,Robin: It was our turn.
31544,108,5,20,Ted went to her mother.
31545,108,5,20,Ted: Hi.
31546,108,5,20,"Virginia: Ted, what are you doing here?"
31547,108,5,20,"Ted: I have not been able to make your speech. I was selfish and I freaked out and I'm so sorry, so... and here... ""A hand sign for the Dj? Dee made the sign... ""I pass. ""Mom, I love you, and I've never seen him so happy with Clint. And Clint, welcome in the family... what you both is what I'd really like to have someday. But in the meantime, health to you both. I love you. """
31548,108,5,20,"Virginia: Ted... I'm so there... cooked. I'm 60% sure only that you're there before me. But if you're here, I love you. And you're the best son a mother could have."
31549,108,5,20,"Ted (2030): There was no reason why my mother could be with a guy like that. However, as you know children, be with Grandpa Clint was the best decision taken what did your grandmother.(Ted returns to the house he bought) Sometimes our best decisions are those that really have no meaning."
31550,108,5,20,Ted goes out on the patio and found that Marshall had a barbecue.
31551,108,5,20,Ted: Hey.
31552,108,5,20,"Marshall: Hey, man."
31553,108,5,20,Ted: How did you know that I would be here today?
31554,108,5,20,Marshall: Robin told me. Happy Housewarming!
31555,108,5,20,Ted: But I told you the last time I saw you I was coming home.
31556,108,5,20,"Marshall: I know what you said. I also know my best friend, Ted Mosby. Listen... for all time, all the years I have told you... ""Slow! Not go too fast with this girl! ""You've not heard a single f*cking time. Your heart is both drunk and child."
31557,108,5,20,"Ted: Please stay here with me, man."
31558,108,5,20,Marshall: That's what I do.
31559,108,5,20,Ted: I can... I can give you some ideas I have?
31560,108,5,20,Marshall: Yeah.
31561,108,5,20,"Ted (2030): And, children, Marshall was right. I have not given up my dream home because that's the thing with the stupid decisions. It makes them all. But time is funny. And sometimes a little magic. It may take a stupid decision... and turn it into something sensible. For children, as you know, this house... our house is."
31562,109,5,21,"Ted (2030): Children, your Aunt Robin was dating Don until recently, but one evening, coming from nowhere..."
31563,109,5,21,"Robin is at Don, sitting on the couch, when Don comes with pancakes."
31564,109,5,21,Don: You want to install?
31565,109,5,21,"Robin: Well... it's a bit early... but... of course, I might consider... I moved here, let me think."
31566,109,5,21,"Don: I mean, you can install yourself beyond me to sit?"
31567,109,5,21,"Robin: Yeah, that's what I was talking about me too. As I said, let me think. I agree."
31568,109,5,21,Don: But... now that you've mentioned... you wanna install?
31569,109,5,21,"Lily, Marshall, Ted, Barney and Robin are at McLaren's."
31570,109,5,21,Lily: You said what?
31571,109,5,21,Robin: I thought about it.
31572,109,5,21,"Barney: You think about it? You hardly know him. In addition, the guy is a draw with a job that is worthless."
31573,109,5,21,"Robin: We have the same job, Barney."
31574,109,5,21,"Barney: And we could not be more proud of you, my angel."
31575,109,5,21,Lily: It still seems fast.
31576,109,5,21,Robin: You're probably right.
31577,109,5,21,Ted: You should live with him.
31578,109,5,21,Robin: Really?
31579,109,5,21,"Ted: Yeah, you're happy with him, and i adore you as a roommate, I want you to do what is right for you."
31580,109,5,21,Robin: You wanna throw me out because of something with milk?
31581,109,5,21,Ted: It's super boring.
31582,109,5,21,Flashback
31583,109,5,21,"Ted closes the fridge having taken a milk carton, but it is empty."
31584,109,5,21,Ted: Robin?!
31585,109,5,21,He enters the chamber Robin sleeping. He puts the brick in the arms and leaves.
31586,109,5,21,End flashback
31587,109,5,21,Robin: No. I have a system. I put the empty brick in the fridge to remind us to buy milk.
31588,109,5,21,Ted: Why not let the solid brick to remind us not to buy?
31589,109,5,21,"Barney: All right. As a former... before you embark on anything, I'm meeting this guy. I think it's pretty weird not having yet met."
31590,109,5,21,"Robin: Bluntly. It's as if someone was orchestrating things for this specific purpose. Okay, but you must promise to behave well."
31591,109,5,21,Barney: I promise.
31592,109,5,21,Robin presented to Don Barney.
31593,109,5,21,"Barney: I'm doing this contortionist Portuguese, and I swear... it is so flexible, at a time, it was about me and beneath me. A top and a bottom! One and two! Which is empty?"
31594,109,5,21,Don: It's good.
31595,109,5,21,Robin: And it was Barney.
31596,109,5,21,Don: It's not bad.
31597,109,5,21,"Ted: Actually, I'm not sure."
31598,109,5,21,Don: I think it's great. But I pity any woman with self-esteem so low it would go out with him.
31599,109,5,21,Ted (2030): Robin had never told Don she was out with Barney.
31600,109,5,21,"Barney: I appreciate you, Don. Both, we love a good scotch, one likes my stories compelling. And we went out with Robin."
31601,109,5,21,"Ted (2030): There, he knew it."
31602,109,5,21,GENERIC
31603,109,5,21,Don: So Barney's your ex and you hang out with him? It makes me uncomfortable.
31604,109,5,21,"Robin: The'm not, it's as if we had never been together."
31605,109,5,21,"Barney: In short, the arms of the Erasmus student have dropped and there fell of my swing. Seriously, I have not found a girl who can do that from Robin."
31606,109,5,21,Marshall and Lily arrive.
31607,109,5,21,"Robin: How was your weekend, or any other topic?"
31608,109,5,21,Lily: Atrocious.
31609,109,5,21,Marshall: Terrible.
31610,109,5,21,Flashback
31611,109,5,21,Lily: Twin beds? I can not sleep in separate beds. We should complain.
31612,109,5,21,"Marshall: Yeah, you're right, I'll ask for another room."
31613,109,5,21,"Lily: Yeah, I'll go with you in just a second......"
31614,109,5,21,You hit the door.
31615,109,5,21,Voice: Maid!
31616,109,5,21,Marshall: You can come back later? It takes a nap.
31617,109,5,21,Voice: It's time to return the keys.
31618,109,5,21,End flashback
31619,109,5,21,Marshall: We spent 18 hours.
31620,109,5,21,Lily: We missed the full board.
31621,109,5,21,Marshall: I lost 5 kg.
31622,109,5,21,Don: It's not weird that Robin is still friends with Barney?
31623,109,5,21,Ted: It's odd that we all still be friends with Barney.
31624,109,5,21,Don: I do not know how to react to the fact that she hangs out with an ex.
31625,109,5,21,Ted (2030): Robin had said nothing either to Don about another of his ex. Me.
31626,109,5,21,"Ted: Trainer with an ex okay, two at a pinch. sh1t, two is even better. Because strawberry..."
31627,109,5,21,Don: But if you had someone and he hung out with an ex...
31628,109,5,21,"Ted: Wait, sorry. ""It? """
31629,109,5,21,Don: He was friends with his ex.
31630,109,5,21,"Ted: Wait, wait. You think I'm gay? Why you would assume that?"
31631,109,5,21,Flashback
31632,109,5,21,Ted returned to the apartment where Don and Robin are sitting on the couch and watch TV.
31633,109,5,21,Robin: Your teacher of calligraphy called...
31634,109,5,21,Ted: And?
31635,109,5,21,Robin: Your ink arrived.
31636,109,5,21,Ted: Yes.
31637,109,5,21,"Ted, leaving her room: I wanted to ensure that Project Runway is registering. The uniform changed to the Jets?"
31638,109,5,21,"Ted, an apron: I think there will be no creme brulee tonight. My torch to brown is broken."
31639,109,5,21,"Don: When I found out that your roommate is single, I was a little jealous, but now that I know he's gay, so good."
31640,109,5,21,Robin: Ted is not...
31641,109,5,21,Ted: But we still house boudoirs and hot dogs.
31642,109,5,21,Don: Thank you. Ted is not it?
31643,109,5,21,Robin: Ted will not be much there. It follows Cher's tour.
31644,109,5,21,End flashback
31645,109,5,21,"Ted: Think again, Cher made some great concerts. But I'm not gay."
31646,109,5,21,"Don: Lily, be honest. It's not weird that Robin train with an ex?"
31647,109,5,21,Lily: Ted and Robin broke up there for years. This is not a problem.
31648,109,5,21,Don: Ted? And Robin?
31649,109,5,21,"Ted: I'm so gay, eh, Donnie?"
31650,109,5,21,Bartender: An apple martini for gentleman.
31651,109,5,21,Ted: Thank you.
31652,109,5,21,"Don: You're also out with Ted? 4 people you consider your best friends, you've slept with 50% of them."
31653,109,5,21,Robin: It's just my friends.
31654,109,5,21,Don: But they are also your ex. And you live with one of them.I'm sorry. I have to think about all that.
31655,109,5,21,Lily and Marshall are in bed.
31656,109,5,21,"Marshall, thinking she is hot. It's like putting my leg on a muffler."
31657,109,5,21,"Lily, thinking: Her toenails are daggers."
31658,109,5,21,"Marshall, thinking I could do with a sandwich. But we do not eat in bed. Stupid rule! We had ants once..."
31659,109,5,21,"Lily, thinking: Great! And now he falls asleep. Hello, river of slime."
31660,109,5,21,"Marshall, thinking: My knee itches. I'll just scratch a little."
31661,109,5,21,Lily: It should have separate beds.
31662,109,5,21,"Marshall: Yes, a mini fridge. And separate beds."
31663,109,5,21,Lily: a deal!
31664,109,5,21,"Don joined Barney, Ted and Robin at the bar."
31665,109,5,21,Don: I came to apologize to you. I exaggerated.
31666,109,5,21,"Barney: Well, there you should also apologize. We said some pretty hurtful."
31667,109,5,21,Don: Not at all.
31668,109,5,21,Barney: That was after you to be part.
31669,109,5,21,Robin: Sorry for not having told the truth from the beginning.
31670,109,5,21,"Don: I acts as a hysteric. It's not offensive, right?"
31671,109,5,21,Ted: Still not gay.
31672,109,5,21,"Don: Sorry, I meant you're both important to Robin. How about dinner tomorrow night at home."
31673,109,5,21,Ted: It's great.
31674,109,5,21,"Barney: I can not wait, buddy."
31675,109,5,21,Robin: Thank you.
31676,109,5,21,Don: You're welcome.
31677,109,5,21,They kiss.
31678,109,5,21,"Robin: So long, guys."
31679,109,5,21,Don and Robin out of the bar.
31680,109,5,21,Barney: I have to get Robin.
31681,109,5,21,Ted: Are you kidding?
31682,109,5,21,"Barney: I do not know what it is, but I want to get Robin."
31683,109,5,21,Ted: I know what it is. You're like... a kid who threw his toys and wants them back as soon as another plays with.
31684,109,5,21,Barney: I had perhaps not done playing with. I just left to play with something else for a while.
31685,109,5,21,Ted: You ready.
31686,109,5,21,Barney: Ready for what?
31687,109,5,21,Ted: To read the letter.
31688,109,5,21,"Ted (2030): Children, I invented the letter to remind me of the reasons for a breakup. I did it for years."
31689,109,5,21,Flashback
31690,109,5,21,In 1996...
31691,109,5,21,"Ted: Dear Ted future, never returns with Karen, because it is a pretentious snob. And she has deceived you. Sorry that you discover the way. You see? We laugh now."
31692,109,5,21,In 2005...
31693,109,5,21,"Ted: Dear Ted future, stay away from Natalie. And girls who beat you to the ground for no reason, before a cheering crowd. PS... Check out a shrink to find out why it has you a little excited."
31694,109,5,21,In 2008...
31695,109,5,21,"Ted: Dear genius relations, Stella has left you at the altar, you'll love me maybe more. And you will surely die alone. It's not so sad written in calligraphy."
31696,109,5,21,In 2009...
31697,109,5,21,Ted (2030): When Barney and Robin have broken in the fall before...
31698,109,5,21,Barney: Hanging out with Robin was a huge mistake.
31699,109,5,21,Ted: Write it.
31700,109,5,21,Barney: What?
31701,109,5,21,Ted: Write yourself a letter. That way you will remember the reasons for the break when you miss.
31702,109,5,21,Barney: My pleasure. Dear Barney... the future... This ink is too cool.
31703,109,5,21,Ted: Right?
31704,109,5,21,Barney: You... and Robin...
31705,109,5,21,End flashback
31706,109,5,21,"Barney:... a couple were atrocious. It did not work. You always love Robin, but remember the other women... And above all, the other breast, and all the cool stuff you do with breasts... Y to the head, juggle... squeaker squeaker... I'm a hopeless romantic.And there are drawings of breasts."
31707,109,5,21,Ted: Get it?
31708,109,5,21,Barney: I understand. I really want it back.
31709,109,5,21,Lily and Marshall are sleeping in their beds each.
31710,109,5,21,"Marshall: Humans are not made to share a bed. s*x and sleep are associated, but these are two different things."
31711,109,5,21,"Lily: I know. I love you, but I want this new bed is a sanctuary of my sleep and my sleep only."
31712,109,5,21,"Marshall: Me too. And snacks, but that's all. You know what we should do? Buy a third bed to make love."
31713,109,5,21,Lily: A bed for s*x. For hot s*x and bestiality.
31714,109,5,21,"Marshall: Awesome. That way, each bed will have its uses."
31715,109,5,21,"Lily: Right. There will be two beds for sleeping, one for s*x, and I thought an ottoman for birthdays."
31716,109,5,21,"Marshall: Baby, you come to revolutionize modern marriage?"
31717,109,5,21,Lily: And how.
31718,109,5,21,
31719,109,5,21,"Ted, Marshall, Lily and Barney arrive at Don."
31720,109,5,21,Don: Do you like sushi?
31721,109,5,21,"Robin: Don made sushi, it's cool, huh? He learned in Japan."
31722,109,5,21,Barney: It's too easy.
31723,109,5,21,"Ted: Be nice. You want it just because you can not have it. Like saying ""Sit wherever you want, except on that chair."" You will be so..."
31724,109,5,21,Barney: My chair!
31725,109,5,21,Lily: From spicy tuna? My favorite.
31726,109,5,21,"Don: I do too. It is more spicy, the better."
31727,109,5,21,"Barney: Me too, man. More than you, certainly. Instance. Super spicy. I feel bad."
31728,109,5,21,Marshall: You will not believe. Don also has twin beds.
31729,109,5,21,Lily: We just had.
31730,109,5,21,Don: Great. Super.
31731,109,5,21,"Lily: Wait. This ""super"" does not look great."
31732,109,5,21,Don: My ex and I thought it would be a good idea but they separated.
31733,109,5,21,Marshall: But I bet you have no special bed s*x.
31734,109,5,21,"Don: It yes, with his personal trainer."
31735,109,5,21,Barney: This pepper is an ice cube in my mouth.
31736,109,5,21,"Don: But if Robin decides to move, I bought a giant bed."
31737,109,5,21,Robin: I would love. If I move.
31738,109,5,21,Don: If you moved in.
31739,109,5,21,Don and Robin and Barney kiss between them.
31740,109,5,21,Barney: Don Tokyo... You ever do that... in Japan? Wasabi!
31741,109,5,21,Ted: Great! Give her milk!
31742,109,5,21,"Robin: spit, spit!"
31743,109,5,21,"Don: We have more milk. Thank you for the reminder, Robin."
31744,109,5,21,Ted and Barney are at the apartment.
31745,109,5,21,"Ted: Well, I hope you're happy."
31746,109,5,21,Barney: I stay on my position. It was bold and romantic.
31747,109,5,21,Ted: You were emptied from the top and bottom.
31748,109,5,21,Barney: Come on. Did you do stupid stuff to impress Robin.
31749,109,5,21,"Ted: Yes, but not anymore, because I turned the page. Just like you."
31750,109,5,21,"Barney: You have not turned the page. You want it as much as me, but you not admit it."
31751,109,5,21,Ted: That's ridiculous and I'll tell you why.
31752,109,5,21,He fetches a box.
31753,109,5,21,Barney: For my biographer?
31754,109,5,21,"Ted: Concentrate on the letter, ok? At Ted, Robin is the ideal girl for you, but she will not engage. You need someone who wants to settle. So, until Robin is ready for this, it is not for you. I still remember stealing the blue French horn, our first kiss, her eyes when she told me she loved me. And sh1t. I want it back."
31755,109,5,21,"Ted (2030): So that night, with Barney, we sat down to talk calmly and reasonably to the most deserving Robin."
31756,109,5,21,Ted: I stole a blue french horn for her... I was with her for a year.I wanted her to be the mother of my children and spend eternity in his arms.
31757,109,5,21,"Barney:... I want to sleep with her, at least one last time. She is mine!"
31758,109,5,21,"Ted: It's not for you! And it's not mine, either. It is... to Don."
31759,109,5,21,"Barney: Okay. We must get rid of him. You know, metaphorically."
31760,109,5,21,Ted: Of course.
31761,109,5,21,"Barney: Or... literally. That's how it starts! I'm afraid, Teddy!"
31762,109,5,21,Ted: We all talk!
31763,109,5,21,Lily and Marshall are still sleeping in separate beds.
31764,109,5,21,Lily: I'm worried. I do not want that divorce.
31765,109,5,21,"Marshall: This is Don. It's not us. Our new way to sleep is only going to get closer. Now, get out of my bed."
31766,109,5,21,Lily: We can at least get closer?
31767,109,5,21,"Marshall: Sure. You spoke of the beds. No, I'm not."
31768,109,5,21,Lily: Why?
31769,109,5,21,"Marshall: I love you more than anything, but you're worse than a kettle. I'm surprised that your pee breaks are not as steam."
31770,109,5,21,Lily: You're not perfect either. Between the food and ants. But... I still want to be with you.
31771,109,5,21,"Marshall: To hit me and slam me all night? I swear, as soon as you fall asleep, it looks like it push you arms. One would think sleeping with an Indian goddess."
31772,109,5,21,Lily: We're getting closer?
31773,109,5,21,Marshall: You speak of beds yet?
31774,109,5,21,Lily: Nope.
31775,109,5,21,Marshall: Come here.
31776,109,5,21,Ted and Barney are always quarreling about who will be Robin.
31777,109,5,21,Barney: Robin Stinson!
31778,109,5,21,Ted: Robin Mosby!
31779,109,5,21,Barney: Robin Stinson!
31780,109,5,21,Ted: Ted Scherbatsky. I would take his name. I do not care.
31781,109,5,21,"Barney: Okay, wait. What do you say to that? It is being shared?I take up to 40 years and after you can have it."
31782,109,5,21,Ted: Who we laugh? It is with Don. We must accept it and move on.
31783,109,5,21,Barney: You're right. I go to you... I go to the bathroom. And then I'll break...
31784,109,5,21,"Robin's phone rings, she picks."
31785,109,5,21,Barney: It's BarnExclussif.
31786,109,5,21,"Robin: BarnExclussif, not quit. I have a double appeal."
31787,109,5,21,Ted: It's Teddy Bear. Want some honey?
31788,109,5,21,"Robin: No. Ted, not quit. I'll remember. Ted is on the other line... and I think he has a problem."
31789,109,5,21,"Barney: Ted calls you? Indeed, he has a problem."
31790,109,5,21,Robin: What's the matter?
31791,109,5,21,Ted: There's that you have beautiful hair. Front and back.
31792,109,5,21,Barney pat on the back of Ted and pounces on him.
31793,109,5,21,Ted: We almost lose control.
31794,109,5,21,Barney: It's true. I'm going to leave before something regrettable.
31795,109,5,21,Barney crying in the street.
31796,109,5,21,"Barney: Robin, I love you!"
31797,109,5,21,Ted joins him.
31798,109,5,21,Ted: Species of b*st*rd! I brought the blue French horn!
31799,109,5,21,"Barney: I brought the blue French horn! Ted has just given me.Sorry, I was there before you."
31800,109,5,21,"Robin, at the window: Guys, what do you do?"
31801,109,5,21,Ted: I want you back!
31802,109,5,21,"Don: Come on, get."
31803,109,5,21,"Barney: All right! Here we go! You, Me and Ted!"
31804,109,5,21,Ted: Something to three.
31805,109,5,21,"Don: Robin and I have to go to work. Sit down watching TV and will be discussed when we come back, okay?"
31806,109,5,21,"Ted: You abandoned easily. Game, set and match!"
31807,109,5,21,Barney: We won the fingers in the nose...
31808,109,5,21,Ted: Where's this great TV?
31809,109,5,21,Don: Right there.
31810,109,5,21,Robin: Thank you.
31811,109,5,21,"Don: You're welcome. Good night, guys."
31812,109,5,21,"Barney: Good night, Dad."
31813,109,5,21,"Marshall: It was good. Well, you gotta go."
31814,109,5,21,Lily: What?
31815,109,5,21,"Marshall: I'm sorry. It was great and you're great. But, I must get up early, so..."
31816,109,5,21,Lily: You throw me like that?
31817,109,5,21,Marshall: You knew before you start. (Lily gets up to join his bed) Wait. Forget your sweater. Nice try.
31818,109,5,21,"At Don, Robin comes into the room where Barney and Ted sleep."
31819,109,5,21,"Robin: The Teddy Bear, BarnExclussif."
31820,109,5,21,Barney: Dad?
31821,109,5,21,"Robin: We get up, fuckers. You remember last night?"
31822,109,5,21,"Barney: Damn, Ted was torn. Embarrassing..."
31823,109,5,21,"Ted: I'm sorry. It is both. We drank and we were stupid, but... We will do everything we can to ensure that Don is part of the group."
31824,109,5,21,"Robin: Don will not be part of the group. Neither do I. At least for a while. Guys... with Don, it works well. I want to see where it goes. And I could not do it if I continue to hang out with my ex. It will not. I moved in with Don."
31825,109,5,21,Lily and Marshall are sleeping entwined.
31826,109,5,21,Ted joins Barney in MacLaren's.
31827,109,5,21,Barney: So what's going on with Robin?
31828,109,5,21,"Ted: You were right, she was just angry. It's been four days and not talk to relocate. We must never repeat this kind of sh1t."
31829,109,5,21,"Barney: I agree. In fact... I even wrote another letter. Dear Barney the future, you think you want to get Robin, thou wilt not true. Let her. Sincerely, Barney's past."
31830,109,5,21,Ted: Let me see!
31831,109,5,21,Barney: Give me that.
31832,109,5,21,"Ted: Ps... The top was for Ted. He believed? Fine. Pull yourself together with Robin, but say nothing to Ted because he will still go wrong. And there are still drawings of breasts."
31833,109,5,21,"Barney: In my defense, the breasts, is not it great?"
31834,109,5,21,Ted: Too great.
31835,109,5,21,Ted uses a bowl of cereal. It takes a milk carton in the fridge but it is empty.
31836,109,5,21,Ted: Robin?!
31837,109,5,21,He goes into the vacuum chamber... Robin. It remains the blue horn...
31838,110,5,22,"Ted joins Barney, Marshall and Lily at McLaren's."
31839,110,5,22,Barney: Guess what I have behind my back.
31840,110,5,22,"Lily: Wait, wait. I will find. Left."
31841,110,5,22,Barney: Not a good game but okay. Five tickets well placed to Robots vs. Wrestlers.
31842,110,5,22,Marshall: Robots vs. Wrestlers?
31843,110,5,22,Ted: Great!
31844,110,5,22,Barney: You know Robots vs. Wrestlers?
31845,110,5,22,Marshall: No.
31846,110,5,22,Ted: But we think some kind of sport in which robots wrestlers.
31847,110,5,22,"Barney: That's exactly it, according to the website!"
31848,110,5,22,"Lily: Wait, wait. Who is the fifth ticket?"
31849,110,5,22,"Barney: Uh... Robin. I know... She lives with her boyfriend and she said not wanting to hang out with us, but it's Robots vs. Wrestlers. Robots vs.... Wrestlers!"
31850,110,5,22,Marshall: Barney is right. It is impossible to deny that.
31851,110,5,22,"Robin, on the phone: I refuse. I'd like to come but, I go out with Don Saturday. There is a Chinese."
31852,110,5,22,"Lily: I assume you're talking about cooking, otherwise I would have other issues."
31853,110,5,22,"Robin: I'm sorry, Lily, but I have a chance to Don. And I will not drink out with you every night... especially when ""you"" included two of my ex."
31854,110,5,22,Lily: I understand. You're right. We miss you much.
31855,110,5,22,"Robin: You too. I gotta go. It is called? (She hangs up) Sorry, New York, I had to answer. Where were we? Bus accident."
31856,110,5,22,"Marshall, Lily, Ted and Barney are at the bar."
31857,110,5,22,Barney: She said no? How could she? Robots vs. Wrestlers of our tradition is the largest group.
31858,110,5,22,Lily: Tradition? It was never done.
31859,110,5,22,"Barney: It's Robots vs. Wrestlers, Lily. This is obviously a tradition. It starts like this. First, Robin moves in with Don and Marshall and Lily have a baby, then Ted..."
31860,110,5,22,Ted: Goes?
31861,110,5,22,"Barney: I was going to say ""was found eaten by her cats,"" but it's not good either. Everybody leaves me, and I like it!"
31862,110,5,22,Lily: Do not worry about a baby on our side. It is not yet started.
31863,110,5,22,Marshall: Absolutely. A small road.
31864,110,5,22,Lily: A small long road.
31865,110,5,22,Marshall: But you can see.
31866,110,5,22,"Lily: Very, very far."
31867,110,5,22,Marshall: But you can see the exit sign.
31868,110,5,22,Lily: Oh? I see it.
31869,110,5,22,Marshall: You should put yourself on track.
31870,110,5,22,"Ted: I understand how you feel. It is important friendship. In this regard, Emerson wrote a great poem, titled Friendship. You'll love it. ""A drop of crimson blood carries more weight than the waves of the sea..."""
31871,110,5,22,"Ted (2030): It's always been like that, with the group as soon as I tried to get some culture."
31872,110,5,22,Flashback
31873,110,5,22,"Ted: You must try this Syrah. A taste of creme de cassis, red berries, oak heated... (Marshall and Lily are the kitchen while Ted sat on the bench) letter in September, baritone white. Of course! A lyric baritone! Which is higher than a bass-baritone.There is a key moment in the second act of La Boheme..."
31874,110,5,22,End flashback
31875,110,5,22,"Ted: I try to add some class to our meetings. It's like this quote from Dante's Inferno. ""Consider the race of which you are created not to live like brutes but to follow virtue and knowledge.""Or, in Italian original..."
31876,110,5,22,"Marshall, Barney and Lily laugh, from Ted."
31877,110,5,22,GENERIC
31878,110,5,22,Barney: You're right. I exaggerate with this story of Robin. What is an announcement? Wife Robin Don. I'll die alone! Ted eventually eaten by her cats!
31879,110,5,22,Ted: Relax... It's for Marissa Heller.
31880,110,5,22,"Barney: Marissa Heller? She looks good. Face, breasts, describe. Begins with the breasts."
31881,110,5,22,Ted (2030): Who is Marissa Heller?
31882,110,5,22,Flashback
31883,110,5,22,10 years earlier...
31884,110,5,22,Ted (2030): The mystery began when we moved there 10 years.
31885,110,5,22,"Marshall: Ted! It was our first post! It is popular. It was... a golf magazine for... Marissa Heller. A catalog of wicker furniture, also Marissa Heller. And a voucher for a bird shop... addressed to Marissa Heller... or check it out... ""Current Resident."" It's us! It has mail!"
31886,110,5,22,Ted: Fantastic! That must be the previous tenant. I wonder how it looks.
31887,110,5,22,"Ted (2030): And that's how an image began to form. A picture of Marissa Heller, Marissa... the golfer Heller, one who loves the wicker... And Marissa Heller, ornithophilic."
31888,110,5,22,End flashback
31889,110,5,22,"Ted: And since, in every mail we receive, the picture becomes clearer. But we know not how it looks. I will follow it as always..."
31890,110,5,22,Lily: Open it.
31891,110,5,22,"Ted: An invitation to the annual Spring Jefferson Van Smoot, for Saturday night... in his apartment in Alberta! Friends... This is the most beautiful building in Manhattan! We gotta go!"
31892,110,5,22,"Marshall: It depends, on the invitation, it's about robots fighting wrestlers to rule the galaxy?"
31893,110,5,22,Ted: It's about an open bar.
31894,110,5,22,Barney: We change the plan for Saturday. Evening Marissa Heller for alcohol and Robots vs. Wrestlers. But one of us should pretend to Marissa Heller.
31895,110,5,22,Marshall: I'm flattered but Lily should.
31896,110,5,22,Ted (2030): The big night arrived. Our first stop... The building Alberta.
31897,110,5,22,"Ted, Marshall, Lily and Barney enters the building."
31898,110,5,22,Ted: This building is fabulous! You saw the gate and terracotta panels outside?
31899,110,5,22,Lily: I just got a text from Robin. It says...
31900,110,5,22,"Barney: Guys, we get together. Lil, you can do... All you have to watch the guy in front, say your name is Marissa Heller, and it passes. And I repeat, to be sure, no accent."
31901,110,5,22,"Lily: It is certain that it is not English, though? Okay! I do. I go there. (A young woman arrives) Sorry. Go ahead."
31902,110,5,22,Woman: I come for the reception of Mr. Van Smoot. I'm Marissa Heller.
31903,110,5,22,Lily: Damn it then!
31904,110,5,22,Ted: That's Marissa Heller. She is pretty.
31905,110,5,22,Marshall: She has beautiful teeth. It should not need the reminder cards to go to the dentist.
31906,110,5,22,Lily: What do we do?
31907,110,5,22,"Barney: I do we go to the party, that's what! (He goes to Marissa) We met at the meeting of ornithophilic."
31908,110,5,22,Marissa: I do not believe.
31909,110,5,22,Barney: Lovers of wicker?
31910,110,5,22,Marissa: No.
31911,110,5,22,"Barney Stinson, outside. It will not."
31912,110,5,22,"Ted: I'm on it. This lift uses the same mechanism from its installation in 1906. It seems that Lamar Louis Skolnick, the architect of the building, has cut the panels himself."
31913,110,5,22,Marissa: A fan of Skolnick? I love the juxtaposition between the German Renaissance outside...
31914,110,5,22,"Ted: And some French influence inside! He was an architect with a poet's soul, really."
31915,110,5,22,"Lily, holding Barney: No, no. It works."
31916,110,5,22,"Ted: I must make a confession. It is not on the list, but I always wanted to see the inside of Alberta."
31917,110,5,22,"Marissa: So, this way. We are together."
31918,110,5,22,Barney: I said I'd get us.
31919,110,5,22,They take the elevator.
31920,110,5,22,Lily: So... nobody saw The Young and the Restless?
31921,110,5,22,Flashback
31922,110,5,22,"Lily: Great! Who commissioned illustrated soap? Marissa Heller, I like your style."
31923,110,5,22,End flashback
31924,110,5,22,Lily: No one? Do I understand that there is not one fan of soap in this elevator?
31925,110,5,22,Marissa: I have no television. The only opera I see are at the Met.
31926,110,5,22,Ted: Prem's.
31927,110,5,22,They exit the elevator.
31928,110,5,22,"Marissa: I'm sorry. Jefferson, my dear."
31929,110,5,22,Marshall: I'm not dressed for it.
31930,110,5,22,"Barney: In a coined word ""asshole-Apocalypse."""
31931,110,5,22,"Ted: This is Peter Bogdanovich, talking to Arianna Huffington and Will Shortz, crossword editors of The New York Times! Try at least, Chow and alcohol free. 20 minutes and off we go."
31932,110,5,22,"Man: But, the music changed, and Glovanni Artusi, simply do not understand the new way of composing."
31933,110,5,22,"Ted: Sorry, you talk about the fourth book of madrigals?"
31934,110,5,22,"Man: Dear boy, what else?"
31935,110,5,22,Ted: This is my favorite book of madrigals.
31936,110,5,22,Server: smoked foie gras with mango and caramel cream?
31937,110,5,22,Marshall: You have nothing that resembles a mini cheeseburger?
31938,110,5,22,"Server: I do not think, sir."
31939,110,5,22,Marshall: Mini pizzas? French fries? Something that makes me think I'm a giant?
31940,110,5,22,"Server: I look, sir."
31941,110,5,22,Marshall: He will watch it.
31942,110,5,22,Barney talks to a woman.
31943,110,5,22,Barney: This morning I made the heart of the Ambassador of the Netherlands. I hope he gets better.
31944,110,5,22,Woman: Really? A colleague of mine was prescribed Coumadin. And it is impossible it should be anticoagulated and if she had surgery.
31945,110,5,22,"Ted: You know who published an article on great Walt Whitman, and political semantics? Professor Hammersmith Oxford."
31946,110,5,22,Woman: I'm the teacher Hammersmith.
31947,110,5,22,Man: That's exactly what Truffaut spoke in his 1954 article in Cahiers du Cinema. Cinema is the substance of the filmmaker.
31948,110,5,22,"Marshall, laughing: Films... right? Actors. Willem Dafoe. Fun Fact of Willem Dafoe, his name sounds a bit like a frog, a parrot that talks. Willem Dafoe...! Willem Dafoe...!"
31949,110,5,22,"Barney: As Undersecretary of Finance, I had a great influence on this legislation. Now, I wonder if you will accompany me in the map room to stimulate my package."
31950,110,5,22,"Woman: I do not think, my dear. You're too old for me."
31951,110,5,22,"Barney: Zsa Zsa Gabor is still sexy, but other than that, it is rotten this holiday."
31952,110,5,22,"Lily: We tried, it's been 20 minutes. We are going. Where is Ted?"
31953,110,5,22,"Marshall: I know how to find it. Just a second... (They clap a gong) gongs, eh? Stronger than we think."
31954,110,5,22,"Man: Boy, this gong is a relic of 500 years that has not been hit since WS Gilbert at the premiere of The Mikado in London in 1885."
31955,110,5,22,Marshall: It is the relic of his wife 500 years that has not been hit since WS Gilbert at the premiere of The Mikado in London in 1885.
31956,110,5,22,"Ted: Friends, Will Shortz, editors of the Times crossword. You know, I always say they use ""Ulee"" of Gold Life for vowels? Tell them."
31957,110,5,22,Will Shortz: That's the vowels.
31958,110,5,22,Marshall: Can I talk for a second?
31959,110,5,22,"Ted: Ten letters, a diminutive egg pie?"
31960,110,5,22,Will: Mini quiche? Where?
31961,110,5,22,Ted: There. A great reception.
31962,110,5,22,Marshall: Grave. We are going. It's time for Robots vs. Wrestlers.
31963,110,5,22,Marissa: Ted. There you are. We will soon make blind-tests of white wine. It will surely be great.
31964,110,5,22,"Ted: I missed that glitch. I know, do not bother to say. There's no glitch in the wine."
31965,110,5,22,Lily: Miss Lily in the living room with the chancellor.
31966,110,5,22,"Man: Great God, no! They belonged to Edgar Allan Poe!"
31967,110,5,22,Lily: Sorry!
31968,110,5,22,"Ted: Look, I'm having fun here, so I'll pass Robots vs. Wrestlers."
31969,110,5,22,"Barney: But you never missed Robots vs. Wrestlers. It happens that way. First Robin us loose, and now you? And for those pretentious snobs and old game?"
31970,110,5,22,"Ted: Actually, I like those pretentious snobs and they are not old fashioned fart noise when I open my mouth. I remain. See you tomorrow."
31971,110,5,22,Barney: It's an evening.
31972,110,5,22,Lily: It means nothing.
31973,110,5,22,"Barney: It means everything. If you come not to Robots vs. Wrestlers, it's the end of our friendship."
31974,110,5,22,Ted: See you tomorrow.
31975,110,5,22,"Barney: All right. So you do most of our group, forever. You can ask to return in 2 years. Come see wrestlers fight like robots. I'm embarrassed. I forgot something."
31976,110,5,22,
31977,110,5,22,Barney taps the gong and enters the elevator with Marshall and Lily.
31978,110,5,22,Man: Where did your buddies?
31979,110,5,22,"Ted: You know, a reading of poetry."
31980,110,5,22,"Marshall, Barney and Lily attend combat Robots vs. Wrestlers."
31981,110,5,22,Marshall: The best tradition of all time!
31982,110,5,22,"Barney: You crazy not me, Marshall. Let's be honest. The group is finite. Ted is gone, like Robin. That separates us as well."
31983,110,5,22,"Lily: Boy, Barney, stop with your abandonment issues. Ted has the right to have a life outside the group. As we all."
31984,110,5,22,"Barney: Wait. Why do you say that all of a sudden? My God, you're pregnant!"
31985,110,5,22,Lily: No.
31986,110,5,22,"Barney: My God, have you ever had the baby! It is just behind me, huh?"
31987,110,5,22,"Lily: No, silly. One day we all move forward in our lives. It's called growing up."
31988,110,5,22,"Robot: That's all you got, fagot?"
31989,110,5,22,Barney: You can at least promise to not get pregnant within a year?
31990,110,5,22,Lily: I can not.
31991,110,5,22,Barney: You can not?
31992,110,5,22,Marshall: You can not?
31993,110,5,22,"Ted is blindfolded, a glass in hand."
31994,110,5,22,"Ted: Citrus and honeycomb with a sharp acidity. This is a Sauvignon Blanc, Loire Valley. The town of Sancerre."
31995,110,5,22,"Man: Okay, again! Bravo, my boy!"
31996,110,5,22,Barney: No! You can not have children! You want to raise a child in this crazy world.
31997,110,5,22,Marshall: The world is pretty cool right now.
31998,110,5,22,"Barney: Okay, Lily, I have no choice. If you have a daughter, day, no, the minute she is 18... Gong!"
31999,110,5,22,Marshall: Babies.
32000,110,5,22,Barney: I hope Ted is unhappy.
32001,110,5,22,Ted sings.
32002,110,5,22,"Will: Ted, you are a remarkable lyric baritone."
32003,110,5,22,"Ted: Thank you, Will Shortz."
32004,110,5,22,"Barney: Okay, you can have a baby, but only under the following conditions: 1-You promise to always love me more than the baby, 2-Once a month, I can use to shake the baby, 3 - It may include a drop baby from the first floor and that saves me; 4-No breastfeeding in front of me. Forget the five-four, get out your breasts when you want."
32005,110,5,22,Ted (2030): And something extraordinary happened.
32006,110,5,22,Marshall: Holy sh1t!
32007,110,5,22,Lily: I can not believe!
32008,110,5,22,"Ted: Of course, hell is an interesting concept, is not it? I always liked to imagine it as Dante's Divine Comedy. If I may. Italian original... (Thinking...) I do not believe it. I recite the Divine Comedy in Italian original, and nobody makes fart noises. It's weird. I've never gone that far. I just seem to be an asshole. My God, I control myself! Listen to me, I am completely let go! I'm the biggest asshole on the planet. I wish someone stops me."
32009,110,5,22,"Ted (2030): And someone did. Children, I told you that earlier this year, we met with duplicates of ourselves in the city. Robin There was a lesbian. There was the mustachioed Marshall. And, of course, Lily the stripper. That evening, another lookalike appeared... Ted Mexican wrestler."
32010,110,5,22,Ted wrestler: Soy el conquistador de las maquinas!
32011,110,5,22,Ted: I gotta run.
32012,110,5,22,"Barney, Marshall and Lily are at the bar."
32013,110,5,22,"Barney: Rule number 83. If something out of the baby ends up on my costume, I can touch the breasts of Lily."
32014,110,5,22,"Marshall: Dude, what's your thing with the breasts of my woman tonight?"
32015,110,5,22,Barney: It is not I who make the rules.
32016,110,5,22,Marshall: Do you really think about all this?
32017,110,5,22,Lily: I know. Maybe not.
32018,110,5,22,"Marshall: For what it's worth, I think we are ready. We love, we are financially stable, and frankly, it would change that much the way we live."
32019,110,5,22,Ted (2030): Lily still loves to remind Marshall that said that.
32020,110,5,22,"Lily: If being at home with a baby, tonight we have never seen a dead ringer for Ted. It would make you what, if we had missed it?"
32021,110,5,22,Marshall: I blame the boy for the rest of his life.
32022,110,5,22,"Lily: Right, for his daughter's life."
32023,110,5,22,Marshall: You're right. No need to rush.
32024,110,5,22,"Lily: What do you say that? We agree that it makes no sense to have a child before he saw the five doubles, right?"
32025,110,5,22,"Marshall: Sure, it goes without saying."
32026,110,5,22,"Lily: So when we finally see a dead ringer for Barney, this is the message of the universe to tell us to do. And at that time, we'll try. Deal?"
32027,110,5,22,Marshall: Deal.
32028,110,5,22,Ted arrives at the bar.
32029,110,5,22,"Barney: Look who thinks he can come here and repeat the group. Well, you can forget. Pity, remake the group! I want to lose anyone yet! We're sorry. You can recite all the poems of asshole that you want, we never say anything bad on it, I promise."
32030,110,5,22,"Ted: Really? Because there is a poem I would recite... Friendship of Ralph Waldo Emerson. ""A drop of crimson blood carries more weight than the waves of the sea The world uncertain comes and goes..."""
32031,110,5,22,Robin comes to making the fart noise.
32032,110,5,22,"Robin: Sorry, someone had to. I pay my tour."
32033,110,5,22,"Ted (2030): Children, let me say that over the years, none of us got a little separated at one time or another. We do not want, but it happens. But whatever had to happen, until now, and whatever happens, we will all, every year, see Robots vs. Wrestlers."
32034,110,5,22,"Man: Good night. Thank you very much, I enjoyed myself so much. Willem Defoe...!"
32035,111,5,23,"Ted (2030): Kids, when you are 20, going out with someone that's great, but reached 30 years, we realize that everyone has baggage. Of course, you can choose to ignore it, but sooner or later..."
32036,111,5,23,Ted saunters along with a woman.
32037,111,5,23,"Woman: That's my ex, sorry. We try to remain friends. Hello, my chick! You have tickets to Maui?"
32038,111,5,23,"She carries a bag with writing ""in love with her ex."""
32039,111,5,23,GENERIC
32040,111,5,23,"Ted (2030): That spring, I began to see Royce. She was beautiful, intelligent..."
32041,111,5,23,"Later that night... Ted is with Marshall, Lily, Robin and Barney at MacLaren's."
32042,111,5,23,Ted: Anyway... We were happy together.
32043,111,5,23,Lily: What...
32044,111,5,23,Ted: That's it. This is the problem.
32045,111,5,23,Barney: Her ass?
32046,111,5,23,Marshall: Big?
32047,111,5,23,Lily: Small?
32048,111,5,23,Robin: This is an access problem?
32049,111,5,23,"Ted: There will always be a bag. Even if it goes well, it ends one day by spoiling."
32050,111,5,23,Barney: Once in 30 years.
32051,111,5,23,"Ted: When I discover his luggage. I feel it. I do not know what it is, but when I know, it'll be over."
32052,111,5,23,"Barney: Please, tell me you repliest not emotional baggage."
32053,111,5,23,Ted: It's a good thing?
32054,111,5,23,Barney: The emotional baggage is the foundation of American cultural export the most important.
32055,111,5,23,All: The p0rn.
32056,111,5,23,"Barney: Actually, the p0rn. Only women with major baggage make p0rn."
32057,111,5,23,Ted and Robin: Major Baggage.
32058,111,5,23,Robin: Everyone has one. You should know the face.
32059,111,5,23,"Ted: Really? The last time I overcame a background, it was that of a certain Stella, and, damn, I draw a blank. How did it end?"
32060,111,5,23,Flashback
32061,111,5,23,"Ted (2030): This is how. I gave him my request, she said yes.We were happy. And I's wedding day, her ex, karate teacher, Tony Grafanello, showed up, he declared his love, Stella and fled with him, leaving me there, my heart completely broken."
32062,111,5,23,End flashback
32063,111,5,23,"Lily: What happened is horrible, it does not mean that is the case for everyone."
32064,111,5,23,"Marshall: Content that will be encountered young, not to be."
32065,111,5,23,Lily: Issues mother.
32066,111,5,23,Marshall: Not at all.
32067,111,5,23,Ted: From grandmother.
32068,111,5,23,Marshall: Certainly not.
32069,111,5,23,Barney: On the great grandmother.
32070,111,5,23,Marshall: I do not like it myself cuddly.
32071,111,5,23,Robin: And you know your worst baggage? You're too nice.
32072,111,5,23,Marshall: It's not a nice bag?
32073,111,5,23,Robin: You've already looked walking down the street?
32074,111,5,23,Marshall: I know not what to answer.
32075,111,5,23,Robin: I'll help.
32076,111,5,23,Flashback
32077,111,5,23,Marshall is in the street and greet people.
32078,111,5,23,"Marshall: I'll help you. (It helps a man to repair his bike) That should do it. Guys, not today. It would be... (He begins to dance)"
32079,111,5,23,End flashback
32080,111,5,23,Marshall: It's normal.
32081,111,5,23,Barney: There is a street where it's normal. One clue: a giant yellow bird lives on.
32082,111,5,23,Ted: I would love that one bag of Royce or she is nice.
32083,111,5,23,"Barney: Gentile? This is the worst baggage. The best: she hates her father, and she believes to be big, but no. Steamy s*x at first date, and have brekky, she left. Why are you with me?"
32084,111,5,23,"Ted (2030): That night, with Royce, I waited to see what would be his luggage."
32085,111,5,23,Royce and Ted are in the apartment.
32086,111,5,23,Royce: Spaghetti is your specialty?
32087,111,5,23,Ted: It does not beat my pancakes. I'll make once. There are incredible.
32088,111,5,23,"Royce: My father made me pancakes complete... Thanks to him, I worked in p0rn. You know? ""Parents Offering Recognition, Nutrition and Order""? A charity for teens who do not have access to sport or healthy food. Reminds me... I killed my brother... with this joke last night. A barber, a stripper and a pediatric psychiatrist..., walk into a bar."
32089,111,5,23,"Ted (2030): I searched and searched, but apparently there was no luggage so I had to worry about, until we go see a movie."
32090,111,5,23,Marshall and Lily meet Robin at the bar.
32091,111,5,23,"Robin: What took you so, one time!"
32092,111,5,23,Marshall: It's nothing. Forget.
32093,111,5,23,Lily: It was on his way and Marshall wanted to stop to help guys to load their van.
32094,111,5,23,Marshall: To be nice. It cost nothing.
32095,111,5,23,"Lily: And when the van is gone, which shows up if it is not the owner of the apartment, which had just been robbed help. And that was hard to explain to the police."
32096,111,5,23,"Robin: That's what I meant. New York is not a small town, friendly, crime-free, inbred, in the woods, with cows lost in Minnesota, where you've grown."
32097,111,5,23,"Marshall: No crime? In 1994, the cashier of the grocery store was robbed. Besides, I like being friendly, okay? I will change not it."
32098,111,5,23,"Lily: Do not change, baby. I find it pure. Pure. (Marshall gets up to the counter) Mashed mother of God is a moron sometimes. He lent them money to refuel."
32099,111,5,23,Robin: He gave them money?
32100,111,5,23,"Lily: Not given, lent. They said they would send a check, so Marshall gave our address. What prevents them from coming home one night, and maybe tie me? With Marshall, sometimes we pretend for real but it's terrifying."
32101,111,5,23,Robin: Why would you tell her anything?
32102,111,5,23,"Lily: What interest? He's from Minnesota. The mascot of his high school, it was a hug. Marshall is back with a beer while Ted joined them in turn."
32103,111,5,23,Robin: What was with Royce?
32104,111,5,23,Ted: Interesting. We went to this new film The Future Bride.
32105,111,5,23,"Marshall: Was it good?! Not that I'm interested. This is for girls.But it could take me there, like, 7:10 p.m. at the session tomorrow, 9:40 p.m. where because of my meeting. But I will leave soon, we will try to 7:10 p.m.."
32106,111,5,23,"Robin: What's the movie about, anyway?"
32107,111,5,23,Ted: This is where it's interesting.
32108,111,5,23,Flashback
32109,111,5,23,"Man: Big sucks, I'm Jed Mosley! I am the architect's most powerful and corrupt New York. I want... (He spills his coffee) It's gonna leave a job!"
32110,111,5,23,End flashback
32111,111,5,23,Ted: It's about me.
32112,111,5,23,Lily: The Future Bride talking about you?
32113,111,5,23,"Marshall: You sure it's you? When I saw The Wild History of space, I would have sworn..."
32114,111,5,23,Ted: This is my story. It is written by Tony Grafanello.
32115,111,5,23,Robin: Tony Grafanello? This is...
32116,111,5,23,Ted: With him that Stella is gone. This film tells the story of our breakup.
32117,111,5,23,"Robin: Why would he make a film? It's not him, the villain?"
32118,111,5,23,"Lily: Yes, nice and called Ted Mosby."
32119,111,5,23,"Ted: It's funny, it's also my recollection. But according to the film..."
32120,111,5,23,Flashback
32121,111,5,23,"Voices: Mr. Mosley, your fiancee is here."
32122,111,5,23,"Jed Mosley: Great, the ball and chain. I look forward to her moving from her home in New Jersey to live in an apartment above a bar. It falls! What do I owe this pleasure?"
32123,111,5,23,"Stella: We had to go taste the wedding cakes, remember?"
32124,111,5,23,"Jed: Bluntly not, doll."
32125,111,5,23,He falls off his chair.
32126,111,5,23,End flashback
32127,111,5,23,Marshall: I'm stunned.
32128,111,5,23,Ted: Right?
32129,111,5,23,Marshall: That's comedies these days? I fall off my chair! I really fell off my chair. It was funny.
32130,111,5,23,Robin: What idiot. He chose a beautiful girl for my role?
32131,111,5,23,Ted: You're not in it.
32132,111,5,23,Robin: What a jerk!
32133,111,5,23,"Ted: No, Tony is not stupid. Well, not after the movie."
32134,111,5,23,Flashback
32135,111,5,23,"Stella: I'm getting married. Sorry, Tony."
32136,111,5,23,"Tony: Stella, your happiness is all that matters to me, except his poor children I care volunteer."
32137,111,5,23,Royce: I love it.
32138,111,5,23,"Stella: It's not so easy. Jed Mosley is perhaps not as beautiful as you, or as big..."
32139,111,5,23,Ted: I'm bigger than him.
32140,111,5,23,Stella: And s*x is horrible. Once he fell asleep in the middle.
32141,111,5,23,Ted: Once. I was on medication!
32142,111,5,23,Royce: What?
32143,111,5,23,Ted: Nothing.
32144,111,5,23,End flashback
32145,111,5,23,"Ted: This movie is really rotten! And everything is wrong!Remember my request? This spontaneous moment in the game room, I had no ring, so I gave him a teddy?"
32146,111,5,23,Lily: It was cute.
32147,111,5,23,Marshall: And romantic.
32148,111,5,23,Robin: A little cutesy.
32149,111,5,23,Ted: That's how it was in the movie...
32150,111,5,23,Flashback
32151,111,5,23,"Jed: If it makes you shut up, I think we can get married."
32152,111,5,23,Stella: You do not give me the ring?
32153,111,5,23,"Jed: Bluntly not, doll. You pass it the finger."
32154,111,5,23,End flashback
32155,111,5,23,Ted: And the hot date 2 minutes? When I condensed a romantic rendezvous in 2 minutes to go with the busy schedule of Stella?
32156,111,5,23,Lily: You're a good guy.
32157,111,5,23,Marshall: It was really nice.
32158,111,5,23,Robin: And a little cutesy.
32159,111,5,23,Ted: According to the film...
32160,111,5,23,Flashback
32161,111,5,23,Stella: And our romantic weekend?
32162,111,5,23,"Jed: Bluntly not, doll. Can I suggest a date of 2 minutes, if you know what I mean. Naked!"
32163,111,5,23,End flashback
32164,111,5,23,"Marshall: If you know what you do, 2 minutes."
32165,111,5,23,Lily: Word expert.
32166,111,5,23,Ted: But the worst... the worst... it was the end. They are to marry...
32167,111,5,23,Flashback
32168,111,5,23,"Priest: Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosley as legitimate spouses?"
32169,111,5,23,End flashback
32170,111,5,23,"Marshall: Tell not the end! This is what I would say, if ever, I wanted to see a movie as bad. Continues."
32171,111,5,23,Ted: So they are to marry...
32172,111,5,23,Flashback
32173,111,5,23,Tony: Stella!
32174,111,5,23,Stella: Tony!
32175,111,5,23,Jed: Tony?
32176,111,5,23,"Tony: I must say something. Long ago, I left this beautiful daughter, Stella, to escape. And now she is with this jerk who does not appreciate the true value of this beautiful bride."
32177,111,5,23,Ted: What is your problem?
32178,111,5,23,Jed: You can not talk to me like that! I'm Ted Mosley!
32179,111,5,23,"Ted: He said ""Ted"", right?"
32180,111,5,23,"Tony: Stella, I promised you'd be my wife. And I would keep that promise."
32181,111,5,23,Stella: Everything I wanted in my life was your love.
32182,111,5,23,"Priest: Go ahead, darling, kiss him."
32183,111,5,23,Tony: If you still love me... Would you be my bride?
32184,111,5,23,"Stella: Bluntly, doll."
32185,111,5,23,She kisses him.
32186,111,5,23,Jed: Stop! Dad!
32187,111,5,23,"Children: Take that, Ted Mosby!"
32188,111,5,23,"Ted: Okay, he really said this time around."
32189,111,5,23,"Royce: It was too much. I laugh, I cry. This is cinema, but it would not tell real people? It was so real! Why did you say ""Oh, no"" early in the film?"
32190,111,5,23,"Ted (2030): This is where I realized that everyone has baggage, including me."
32191,111,5,23,Ted: Nothing.
32192,111,5,23,End flashback
32193,111,5,23,Lily: You must tell your story with Stella Royce. It will be released at one time or another.
32194,111,5,23,Ted: Why? So why should it?
32195,111,5,23,Robin: Because it is past the fifth most profitable films.
32196,111,5,23,Ted: I do not care. I will take it to my grave. It's a silly movie anyway!
32197,111,5,23,Lily: He looks like zero.
32198,111,5,23,Robin: I'll never see him out of friendship for you.
32199,111,5,23,"Ted (2030): Children, you see more."
32200,111,5,23,"Barney, Lily and Robin are the movies."
32201,111,5,23,Tony: She made her choice. Do not worry. I will not come to marriage.
32202,111,5,23,Jed: You'll come! I'll take you there myself and force you to watch!
32203,111,5,23,Tony: The code.
32204,111,5,23,Barney: That's exactly what happened. It was all good. Even the thing with nunchakus.
32205,111,5,23,Ted (2030): I was determined to make this film as far from me as possible. Unfortunately...
32206,111,5,23,"Ted, Royce are the bar with friends."
32207,111,5,23,Royce: It was not great the bride?
32208,111,5,23,Woman: I too loved it!
32209,111,5,23,Man: We'll see tomorrow.
32210,111,5,23,Royce: It may come? Want to see it again?
32211,111,5,23,"Ted: Yeah, that was good."
32212,111,5,23,"Royce: ""Good""? Rather perfect! The only thing, and for me it is a very small defect, compared to other films, is that I understand why Stella wants to marry a guy like Jed Mosley. Just the name of this guy: Jed Mosley..."
32213,111,5,23,"Woman: Royce, you're out with Jed Mosley, too."
32214,111,5,23,"Royce: Who has not? It is a sacred number. A butterfly tattoo, how to pronounce this encyclopedia."
32215,111,5,23,"Man and woman: ""Encyclopaedie""."
32216,111,5,23,"Ted: Bluntly. Well, technically, this is the correct pronunciation."
32217,111,5,23,"Royce: I was so happy that this loser is done let go before the altar. You know why? Because he saw it coming. And the best part is that he will live a long, sad life, knowing he has lost his only chance of happiness. And when he gets beaten up by the goat?"
32218,111,5,23,Woman: Too funny!
32219,111,5,23,Ted: Bluntly!
32220,111,5,23,Royce: What a loser!
32221,111,5,23,"Ted: Bluntly! This guy's life was ruined by humiliation before the world. Too funny! It will take years before you can watch his family in front. It must be so traumatized that never again will he love or trust someone. It was insane! Get Moving, Adolf Hitler, a new king has arrived!"
32222,111,5,23,"Royce: Ted, you're okay?"
32223,111,5,23,Ted: I thought you would be interested to learn some stuff about this movie that you love. It is rotten. And you are all stupid to love.
32224,111,5,23,"Royce: It was really bad, you should apologize."
32225,111,5,23,Ted stood up: Bluntly not Carrément doll... not...
32226,111,5,23,
32227,111,5,23,"Marshall, Lily, Robin and Ted are in the apartment."
32228,111,5,23,"Lily: You said ""not altogether, doll?"""
32229,111,5,23,Marshall: You really used the phrase Jed Mosley?
32230,111,5,23,Ted: I know! I was so excited... How do you know it's his sentence?
32231,111,5,23,Marshall: I wanted to see Avatar.
32232,111,5,23,Ted: It's good. I will emigrate to a country where nobody saw the bride.
32233,111,5,23,"Robin: Good luck. This film is international, it's great."
32234,111,5,23,Lily: Maybe North Korea?
32235,111,5,23,"Robin: I read that Kim Jong, he says it's his second favorite movie. Just after he made a film where the horse in slow motion."
32236,111,5,23,"Lily: Sorry, Ted, you're screwed."
32237,111,5,23,"Marshall: No, you know, Ted is not screwed. You know why I'm nice? Because I'm crazy baggage people. Most people see another person with this big suitcase, and they spend doing nothing. But not me. I look at them and say, ""Hi, stranger. Can I help you? ""And you know who taught me to be like that? A Ted Mosby. A decent and sincere guy who has faith. And you know what, Ted? Inside you, you're still that guy."
32238,111,5,23,Ted: I still am.
32239,111,5,23,Marshall: You wanna go get that girl.
32240,111,5,23,Ted: I want to go get that girl.
32241,111,5,23,Marshall: For it is the love of your life.
32242,111,5,23,"Ted: Because it is... Yeah, well... We had 3 rencards. It's nice."
32243,111,5,23,Marshall: Because she's nice.
32244,111,5,23,"Ted: It's really nice! You're right, Marshall. I have to go retrieve it.And I know exactly where it is."
32245,111,5,23,He runs out.
32246,111,5,23,Royce is the cinema.
32247,111,5,23,Tony: The wedding is in 15 minutes. I'll never make it.
32248,111,5,23,Child: You can do Sensei. Give a roundhouse kick to love. Live in the heart.
32249,111,5,23,Tony: You're right. What am I doing? There is still time!
32250,111,5,23,Tony Short and Ted does the same when it comes to the movies.
32251,111,5,23,"Priest: Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosley as legitimate spouses?"
32252,111,5,23,Ted stands in front of the screen.
32253,111,5,23,Ted: Royce!
32254,111,5,23,Royce: Ted?
32255,111,5,23,Barney: Ted?
32256,111,5,23,Ted: Barney?
32257,111,5,23,Tony: I must say something.
32258,111,5,23,"Ted: I must say something. Long ago, I left that horrible daughter, Stella, break my heart. And now she is with this jerk who wrote a movie about it and this movie is called... The Future Bride."
32259,111,5,23,Royce: What do you mean?
32260,111,5,23,Jed: You can not talk to me like that!
32261,111,5,23,"Ted: I'm Jed Mosley. But Royce, missed it... in that cowboy boots red, it's not me."
32262,111,5,23,"Barney: To be clear, you're saying that you do not have boots red cowboy?"
32263,111,5,23,Ted: What...
32264,111,5,23,Barney: I wanted... People want to know.
32265,111,5,23,Ted: They are burgundy in fact. I promised I'd make pancakes.And... I would keep that promise.
32266,111,5,23,Royce: All I wanted was some pancakes this week.
32267,111,5,23,"Barney: Come on, darling, kiss him."
32268,111,5,23,"Ted (2030): Barney did not say ""kiss"". Still not ""kiss""."
32269,111,5,23,Man: You must go!
32270,111,5,23,Barney: This is outrageous. Thou hast embraced evil!
32271,111,5,23,"Ted: Royce, if you..."
32272,111,5,23,"Tony Stella, if you still love me..."
32273,111,5,23,Ted: Do I always appreciate... Would you like me to make pancakes?
32274,111,5,23,"Royce: Bluntly, doll."
32275,111,5,23,She gets up and goes to kiss her.
32276,111,5,23,Barney: Kiss it! This film is embraced anyway.
32277,111,5,23,"Ted: That happened to me, it was pretty hard. I am not fully recovered."
32278,111,5,23,Royce: Let me help you.
32279,111,5,23,"Ted (2030): And like that, kids, my luggage no longer seemed so heavy. Everyone has his baggage, it's part of life. But like everything else, it's easier when someone helps us."
32280,111,5,23,Ted Royce and are sitting on the couch.
32281,111,5,23,Ted: It feels good to have you said those things. I'm happy to open myself to you.
32282,111,5,23,"Royce: It's not that important. Me too, I was let go before the altar. Three times. The last time, because I lost all our money at poker. That's why I live with my brother."
32283,111,5,23,"Ted: Wait, I thought you had a very small studio."
32284,111,5,23,"Royce: Just the two of us. You'll see, he still pulls the duvet."
32285,111,5,23,"Ted: Yeah, you need to go there."
32286,112,5,24,"Ted (2030): Kids, when you are 20, going out with someone that's great, but reached 30 years, we realize that everyone has baggage. Of course, you can choose to ignore it, but sooner or later..."
32287,112,5,24,Ted saunters along with a woman.
32288,112,5,24,"Woman: That's my ex, sorry. We try to remain friends. Hello, my chick! You have tickets to Maui?"
32289,112,5,24,"She carries a bag with writing ""in love with her ex."""
32290,112,5,24,GENERIC
32291,112,5,24,"Ted (2030): That spring, I began to see Royce. She was beautiful, intelligent..."
32292,112,5,24,"Later that night... Ted is with Marshall, Lily, Robin and Barney at MacLaren's."
32293,112,5,24,Ted: Anyway... We were happy together.
32294,112,5,24,Lily: What...
32295,112,5,24,Ted: That's it. This is the problem.
32296,112,5,24,Barney: Her ass?
32297,112,5,24,Marshall: Big?
32298,112,5,24,Lily: Small?
32299,112,5,24,Robin: This is an access problem?
32300,112,5,24,"Ted: There will always be a bag. Even if it goes well, it ends one day by spoiling."
32301,112,5,24,Barney: Once in 30 years.
32302,112,5,24,"Ted: When I discover his luggage. I feel it. I do not know what it is, but when I know, it'll be over."
32303,112,5,24,"Barney: Please, tell me you repliest not emotional baggage."
32304,112,5,24,Ted: It's a good thing?
32305,112,5,24,Barney: The emotional baggage is the foundation of American cultural export the most important.
32306,112,5,24,All: The p0rn.
32307,112,5,24,"Barney: Actually, the p0rn. Only women with major baggage make p0rn."
32308,112,5,24,Ted and Robin: Major Baggage.
32309,112,5,24,Robin: Everyone has one. You should know the face.
32310,112,5,24,"Ted: Really? The last time I overcame a background, it was that of a certain Stella, and, damn, I draw a blank. How did it end?"
32311,112,5,24,Flashback
32312,112,5,24,"Ted (2030): This is how. I gave him my request, she said yes.We were happy. And I's wedding day, her ex, karate teacher, Tony Grafanello, showed up, he declared his love, Stella and fled with him, leaving me there, my heart completely broken."
32313,112,5,24,End flashback
32314,112,5,24,"Lily: What happened is horrible, it does not mean that is the case for everyone."
32315,112,5,24,"Marshall: Content that will be encountered young, not to be."
32316,112,5,24,Lily: Issues mother.
32317,112,5,24,Marshall: Not at all.
32318,112,5,24,Ted: From grandmother.
32319,112,5,24,Marshall: Certainly not.
32320,112,5,24,Barney: On the great grandmother.
32321,112,5,24,Marshall: I do not like it myself cuddly.
32322,112,5,24,Robin: And you know your worst baggage? You're too nice.
32323,112,5,24,Marshall: It's not a nice bag?
32324,112,5,24,Robin: You've already looked walking down the street?
32325,112,5,24,Marshall: I know not what to answer.
32326,112,5,24,Robin: I'll help.
32327,112,5,24,Flashback
32328,112,5,24,Marshall is in the street and greet people.
32329,112,5,24,"Marshall: I'll help you. (It helps a man to repair his bike) That should do it. Guys, not today. It would be... (He begins to dance)"
32330,112,5,24,End flashback
32331,112,5,24,Marshall: It's normal.
32332,112,5,24,Barney: There is a street where it's normal. One clue: a giant yellow bird lives on.
32333,112,5,24,Ted: I would love that one bag of Royce or she is nice.
32334,112,5,24,"Barney: Gentile? This is the worst baggage. The best: she hates her father, and she believes to be big, but no. Steamy s*x at first date, and have brekky, she left. Why are you with me?"
32335,112,5,24,"Ted (2030): That night, with Royce, I waited to see what would be his luggage."
32336,112,5,24,Royce and Ted are in the apartment.
32337,112,5,24,Royce: Spaghetti is your specialty?
32338,112,5,24,Ted: It does not beat my pancakes. I'll make once. There are incredible.
32339,112,5,24,"Royce: My father made me pancakes complete... Thanks to him, I worked in p0rn. You know? ""Parents Offering Recognition, Nutrition and Order""? A charity for teens who do not have access to sport or healthy food. Reminds me... I killed my brother... with this joke last night. A barber, a stripper and a pediatric psychiatrist..., walk into a bar."
32340,112,5,24,"Ted (2030): I searched and searched, but apparently there was no luggage so I had to worry about, until we go see a movie."
32341,112,5,24,Marshall and Lily meet Robin at the bar.
32342,112,5,24,"Robin: What took you so, one time!"
32343,112,5,24,Marshall: It's nothing. Forget.
32344,112,5,24,Lily: It was on his way and Marshall wanted to stop to help guys to load their van.
32345,112,5,24,Marshall: To be nice. It cost nothing.
32346,112,5,24,"Lily: And when the van is gone, which shows up if it is not the owner of the apartment, which had just been robbed help. And that was hard to explain to the police."
32347,112,5,24,"Robin: That's what I meant. New York is not a small town, friendly, crime-free, inbred, in the woods, with cows lost in Minnesota, where you've grown."
32348,112,5,24,"Marshall: No crime? In 1994, the cashier of the grocery store was robbed. Besides, I like being friendly, okay? I will change not it."
32349,112,5,24,"Lily: Do not change, baby. I find it pure. Pure. (Marshall gets up to the counter) Mashed mother of God is a moron sometimes. He lent them money to refuel."
32350,112,5,24,Robin: He gave them money?
32351,112,5,24,"Lily: Not given, lent. They said they would send a check, so Marshall gave our address. What prevents them from coming home one night, and maybe tie me? With Marshall, sometimes we pretend for real but it's terrifying."
32352,112,5,24,Robin: Why would you tell her anything?
32353,112,5,24,"Lily: What interest? He's from Minnesota. The mascot of his high school, it was a hug. Marshall is back with a beer while Ted joined them in turn."
32354,112,5,24,Robin: What was with Royce?
32355,112,5,24,Ted: Interesting. We went to this new film The Future Bride.
32356,112,5,24,"Marshall: Was it good?! Not that I'm interested. This is for girls.But it could take me there, like, 7:10 p.m. at the session tomorrow, 9:40 p.m. where because of my meeting. But I will leave soon, we will try to 7:10 p.m.."
32357,112,5,24,"Robin: What's the movie about, anyway?"
32358,112,5,24,Ted: This is where it's interesting.
32359,112,5,24,Flashback
32360,112,5,24,"Man: Big sucks, I'm Jed Mosley! I am the architect's most powerful and corrupt New York. I want... (He spills his coffee) It's gonna leave a job!"
32361,112,5,24,End flashback
32362,112,5,24,Ted: It's about me.
32363,112,5,24,Lily: The Future Bride talking about you?
32364,112,5,24,"Marshall: You sure it's you? When I saw The Wild History of space, I would have sworn..."
32365,112,5,24,Ted: This is my story. It is written by Tony Grafanello.
32366,112,5,24,Robin: Tony Grafanello? This is...
32367,112,5,24,Ted: With him that Stella is gone. This film tells the story of our breakup.
32368,112,5,24,"Robin: Why would he make a film? It's not him, the villain?"
32369,112,5,24,"Lily: Yes, nice and called Ted Mosby."
32370,112,5,24,"Ted: It's funny, it's also my recollection. But according to the film..."
32371,112,5,24,Flashback
32372,112,5,24,"Voices: Mr. Mosley, your fiancee is here."
32373,112,5,24,"Jed Mosley: Great, the ball and chain. I look forward to her moving from her home in New Jersey to live in an apartment above a bar. It falls! What do I owe this pleasure?"
32374,112,5,24,"Stella: We had to go taste the wedding cakes, remember?"
32375,112,5,24,"Jed: Bluntly not, doll."
32376,112,5,24,He falls off his chair.
32377,112,5,24,End flashback
32378,112,5,24,Marshall: I'm stunned.
32379,112,5,24,Ted: Right?
32380,112,5,24,Marshall: That's comedies these days? I fall off my chair! I really fell off my chair. It was funny.
32381,112,5,24,Robin: What idiot. He chose a beautiful girl for my role?
32382,112,5,24,Ted: You're not in it.
32383,112,5,24,Robin: What a jerk!
32384,112,5,24,"Ted: No, Tony is not stupid. Well, not after the movie."
32385,112,5,24,Flashback
32386,112,5,24,"Stella: I'm getting married. Sorry, Tony."
32387,112,5,24,"Tony: Stella, your happiness is all that matters to me, except his poor children I care volunteer."
32388,112,5,24,Royce: I love it.
32389,112,5,24,"Stella: It's not so easy. Jed Mosley is perhaps not as beautiful as you, or as big..."
32390,112,5,24,Ted: I'm bigger than him.
32391,112,5,24,Stella: And s*x is horrible. Once he fell asleep in the middle.
32392,112,5,24,Ted: Once. I was on medication!
32393,112,5,24,Royce: What?
32394,112,5,24,Ted: Nothing.
32395,112,5,24,End flashback
32396,112,5,24,"Ted: This movie is really rotten! And everything is wrong!Remember my request? This spontaneous moment in the game room, I had no ring, so I gave him a teddy?"
32397,112,5,24,Lily: It was cute.
32398,112,5,24,Marshall: And romantic.
32399,112,5,24,Robin: A little cutesy.
32400,112,5,24,Ted: That's how it was in the movie...
32401,112,5,24,Flashback
32402,112,5,24,"Jed: If it makes you shut up, I think we can get married."
32403,112,5,24,Stella: You do not give me the ring?
32404,112,5,24,"Jed: Bluntly not, doll. You pass it the finger."
32405,112,5,24,End flashback
32406,112,5,24,Ted: And the hot date 2 minutes? When I condensed a romantic rendezvous in 2 minutes to go with the busy schedule of Stella?
32407,112,5,24,Lily: You're a good guy.
32408,112,5,24,Marshall: It was really nice.
32409,112,5,24,Robin: And a little cutesy.
32410,112,5,24,Ted: According to the film...
32411,112,5,24,Flashback
32412,112,5,24,Stella: And our romantic weekend?
32413,112,5,24,"Jed: Bluntly not, doll. Can I suggest a date of 2 minutes, if you know what I mean. Naked!"
32414,112,5,24,End flashback
32415,112,5,24,"Marshall: If you know what you do, 2 minutes."
32416,112,5,24,Lily: Word expert.
32417,112,5,24,Ted: But the worst... the worst... it was the end. They are to marry...
32418,112,5,24,Flashback
32419,112,5,24,"Priest: Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosley as legitimate spouses?"
32420,112,5,24,End flashback
32421,112,5,24,"Marshall: Tell not the end! This is what I would say, if ever, I wanted to see a movie as bad. Continues."
32422,112,5,24,Ted: So they are to marry...
32423,112,5,24,Flashback
32424,112,5,24,Tony: Stella!
32425,112,5,24,Stella: Tony!
32426,112,5,24,Jed: Tony?
32427,112,5,24,"Tony: I must say something. Long ago, I left this beautiful daughter, Stella, to escape. And now she is with this jerk who does not appreciate the true value of this beautiful bride."
32428,112,5,24,Ted: What is your problem?
32429,112,5,24,Jed: You can not talk to me like that! I'm Ted Mosley!
32430,112,5,24,"Ted: He said ""Ted"", right?"
32431,112,5,24,"Tony: Stella, I promised you'd be my wife. And I would keep that promise."
32432,112,5,24,Stella: Everything I wanted in my life was your love.
32433,112,5,24,"Priest: Go ahead, darling, kiss him."
32434,112,5,24,Tony: If you still love me... Would you be my bride?
32435,112,5,24,"Stella: Bluntly, doll."
32436,112,5,24,She kisses him.
32437,112,5,24,Jed: Stop! Dad!
32438,112,5,24,"Children: Take that, Ted Mosby!"
32439,112,5,24,"Ted: Okay, he really said this time around."
32440,112,5,24,"Royce: It was too much. I laugh, I cry. This is cinema, but it would not tell real people? It was so real! Why did you say ""Oh, no"" early in the film?"
32441,112,5,24,"Ted (2030): This is where I realized that everyone has baggage, including me."
32442,112,5,24,Ted: Nothing.
32443,112,5,24,End flashback
32444,112,5,24,Lily: You must tell your story with Stella Royce. It will be released at one time or another.
32445,112,5,24,Ted: Why? So why should it?
32446,112,5,24,Robin: Because it is past the fifth most profitable films.
32447,112,5,24,Ted: I do not care. I will take it to my grave. It's a silly movie anyway!
32448,112,5,24,Lily: He looks like zero.
32449,112,5,24,Robin: I'll never see him out of friendship for you.
32450,112,5,24,"Ted (2030): Children, you see more."
32451,112,5,24,"Barney, Lily and Robin are the movies."
32452,112,5,24,Tony: She made her choice. Do not worry. I will not come to marriage.
32453,112,5,24,Jed: You'll come! I'll take you there myself and force you to watch!
32454,112,5,24,Tony: The code.
32455,112,5,24,Barney: That's exactly what happened. It was all good. Even the thing with nunchakus.
32456,112,5,24,Ted (2030): I was determined to make this film as far from me as possible. Unfortunately...
32457,112,5,24,
32458,112,5,24,"Ted, Royce are the bar with friends."
32459,112,5,24,Royce: It was not great the bride?
32460,112,5,24,Woman: I too loved it!
32461,112,5,24,Man: We'll see tomorrow.
32462,112,5,24,Royce: It may come? Want to see it again?
32463,112,5,24,"Ted: Yeah, that was good."
32464,112,5,24,"Royce: ""Good""? Rather perfect! The only thing, and for me it is a very small defect, compared to other films, is that I understand why Stella wants to marry a guy like Jed Mosley. Just the name of this guy: Jed Mosley..."
32465,112,5,24,"Woman: Royce, you're out with Jed Mosley, too."
32466,112,5,24,"Royce: Who has not? It is a sacred number. A butterfly tattoo, how to pronounce this encyclopedia."
32467,112,5,24,"Man and woman: ""Encyclopaedie""."
32468,112,5,24,"Ted: Bluntly. Well, technically, this is the correct pronunciation."
32469,112,5,24,"Royce: I was so happy that this loser is done let go before the altar. You know why? Because he saw it coming. And the best part is that he will live a long, sad life, knowing he has lost his only chance of happiness. And when he gets beaten up by the goat?"
32470,112,5,24,Woman: Too funny!
32471,112,5,24,Ted: Bluntly!
32472,112,5,24,Royce: What a loser!
32473,112,5,24,"Ted: Bluntly! This guy's life was ruined by humiliation before the world. Too funny! It will take years before you can watch his family in front. It must be so traumatized that never again will he love or trust someone. It was insane! Get Moving, Adolf Hitler, a new king has arrived!"
32474,112,5,24,"Royce: Ted, you're okay?"
32475,112,5,24,Ted: I thought you would be interested to learn some stuff about this movie that you love. It is rotten. And you are all stupid to love.
32476,112,5,24,"Royce: It was really bad, you should apologize."
32477,112,5,24,Ted stood up: Bluntly not Carrément doll... not...
32478,112,5,24,"Marshall, Lily, Robin and Ted are in the apartment."
32479,112,5,24,"Lily: You said ""not altogether, doll?"""
32480,112,5,24,Marshall: You really used the phrase Jed Mosley?
32481,112,5,24,Ted: I know! I was so excited... How do you know it's his sentence?
32482,112,5,24,Marshall: I wanted to see Avatar.
32483,112,5,24,Ted: It's good. I will emigrate to a country where nobody saw the bride.
32484,112,5,24,"Robin: Good luck. This film is international, it's great."
32485,112,5,24,Lily: Maybe North Korea?
32486,112,5,24,"Robin: I read that Kim Jong, he says it's his second favorite movie. Just after he made a film where the horse in slow motion."
32487,112,5,24,"Lily: Sorry, Ted, you're screwed."
32488,112,5,24,"Marshall: No, you know, Ted is not screwed. You know why I'm nice? Because I'm crazy baggage people. Most people see another person with this big suitcase, and they spend doing nothing. But not me. I look at them and say, ""Hi, stranger. Can I help you? ""And you know who taught me to be like that? A Ted Mosby. A decent and sincere guy who has faith. And you know what, Ted? Inside you, you're still that guy."
32489,112,5,24,Ted: I still am.
32490,112,5,24,Marshall: You wanna go get that girl.
32491,112,5,24,Ted: I want to go get that girl.
32492,112,5,24,Marshall: For it is the love of your life.
32493,112,5,24,"Ted: Because it is... Yeah, well... We had 3 rencards. It's nice."
32494,112,5,24,Marshall: Because she's nice.
32495,112,5,24,"Ted: It's really nice! You're right, Marshall. I have to go retrieve it.And I know exactly where it is."
32496,112,5,24,He runs out.
32497,112,5,24,Royce is the cinema.
32498,112,5,24,Tony: The wedding is in 15 minutes. I'll never make it.
32499,112,5,24,Child: You can do Sensei. Give a roundhouse kick to love. Live in the heart.
32500,112,5,24,Tony: You're right. What am I doing? There is still time!
32501,112,5,24,Tony Short and Ted does the same when it comes to the movies.
32502,112,5,24,"Priest: Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosley as legitimate spouses?"
32503,112,5,24,Ted stands in front of the screen.
32504,112,5,24,Ted: Royce!
32505,112,5,24,Royce: Ted?
32506,112,5,24,Barney: Ted?
32507,112,5,24,Ted: Barney?
32508,112,5,24,Tony: I must say something.
32509,112,5,24,"Ted: I must say something. Long ago, I left that horrible daughter, Stella, break my heart. And now she is with this jerk who wrote a movie about it and this movie is called... The Future Bride."
32510,112,5,24,Royce: What do you mean?
32511,112,5,24,Jed: You can not talk to me like that!
32512,112,5,24,"Ted: I'm Jed Mosley. But Royce, missed it... in that cowboy boots red, it's not me."
32513,112,5,24,"Barney: To be clear, you're saying that you do not have boots red cowboy?"
32514,112,5,24,Ted: What...
32515,112,5,24,Barney: I wanted... People want to know.
32516,112,5,24,Ted: They are burgundy in fact. I promised I'd make pancakes.And... I would keep that promise.
32517,112,5,24,Royce: All I wanted was some pancakes this week.
32518,112,5,24,"Barney: Come on, darling, kiss him."
32519,112,5,24,"Ted (2030): Barney did not say ""kiss"". Still not ""kiss""."
32520,112,5,24,Man: You must go!
32521,112,5,24,Barney: This is outrageous. Thou hast embraced evil!
32522,112,5,24,"Ted: Royce, if you..."
32523,112,5,24,"Tony Stella, if you still love me..."
32524,112,5,24,Ted: Do I always appreciate... Would you like me to make pancakes?
32525,112,5,24,"Royce: Bluntly, doll."
32526,112,5,24,She gets up and goes to kiss her.
32527,112,5,24,Barney: Kiss it! This film is embraced anyway.
32528,112,5,24,"Ted: That happened to me, it was pretty hard. I am not fully recovered."
32529,112,5,24,Royce: Let me help you.
32530,112,5,24,"Ted (2030): And like that, kids, my luggage no longer seemed so heavy. Everyone has his baggage, it's part of life. But like everything else, it's easier when someone helps us."
32531,112,5,24,Ted Royce and are sitting on the couch.
32532,112,5,24,Ted: It feels good to have you said those things. I'm happy to open myself to you.
32533,112,5,24,"Royce: It's not that important. Me too, I was let go before the altar. Three times. The last time, because I lost all our money at poker. That's why I live with my brother."
32534,112,5,24,"Ted: Wait, I thought you had a very small studio."
32535,112,5,24,"Royce: Just the two of us. You'll see, he still pulls the duvet."
32536,112,5,24,"Ted: Yeah, you need to go there."
32537,113,6,1,"Ted from 2030: Kids, there are two big days in any love story: the day you meet the girl of your dreams, and the day you marry her."
32538,113,6,1,[a little ways down the road...]
32539,113,6,1,Outside a church
32540,113,6,1,Ted: Nice! Where'd you get this?
32541,113,6,1,Marshall: Stashed a cooler behind the pulpit. Beer be with you.
32542,113,6,1,"Ted: And also with you. Man, this is what church has been missing. Dude, you fixed church."
32543,113,6,1,"Marshall: Yeah. You're welcome, God. Nervous?"
32544,113,6,1,Ted: What? No. I'm just hoping it doesn't rain. Why? Do I look nervous?
32545,113,6,1,"Marshall: Look at your beer, dude. You always do that when you're nervous."
32546,113,6,1,[Present day]
32547,113,6,1,The Bar
32548,113,6,1,"Barney; It's a sad day in New York, Ted. A sad day, indeed. Do you know what I saw on my way in here? A girl... In a sweater. And you know what that means. The season of exposed skin is over. Exactly. Gone are the tank tops, Ted. Gone are the cute little skirts. Gone are the sun dresses. The sun dresses, Ted! I don't think I can make it another eight months with no sun dresses."
32549,113,6,1,"Ted: Barney, I really... I have to grade these papers."
32550,113,6,1,"Barney: I'm sorry. I'll let you work. But first, a riddle: What piece of women's attire most stokes a man's desire?"
32551,113,6,1,Ted: A sun dress.
32552,113,6,1,"Barney: Correct. What lightweight outfit, pink or white, makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight?"
32553,113,6,1,Ted: I really have to get this done.
32554,113,6,1,"Barney: Of course, of course."
32555,113,6,1,Ted: Thank you.
32556,113,6,1,"Barney: ""Sun dress,"" by the way. Hey! What are you nervous about? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. What flowing cotton frock..."
32557,113,6,1,"Ted: Okay, I'll tell you. Just... There's a... There's a girl sitting at the bar. Don't look!"
32558,113,6,1,Barney: I want to see a pretty girl.
32559,113,6,1,"Ted: Okay, you can look. Just-just-just be cool for once."
32560,113,6,1,"Barney: I'll be cool. Ah, Ted. You got your beer label in a bunch over nothing. Listen to your Uncle Barney. You have no reason to be nervous. None whatsoever. And I'm going to tell you why in one word."
32561,113,6,1,Ted: And what's that word?
32562,113,6,1,Barney: Dibs!
32563,113,6,1,Ted: What... You can't call dibs on a girl I've been sitting here thinking about maybe talking to eventually at some point.
32564,113,6,1,Barney: You never called dibs.
32565,113,6,1,Ted: Dibs were implied.
32566,113,6,1,Barney: Implied dibs?
32567,113,6,1,Ted: Yeah.
32568,113,6,1,"Barney: Ted, you are spitting on the grave of Sir Walter Dibs, inventor of the dib. It was 1652... The SS Dibs was lost at sea..."
32569,113,6,1,"Ted: Look, I don't have time for a fake history lesson, so I'll keep this simple. You go over there and talk to that girl, I will see you in court."
32570,113,6,1,Barney: And who's gonna represent you? Dibs on Marshall as my lawyer!
32571,113,6,1,Ted: Damn it!
32572,113,6,1,Barney: Where is Marshall anyway?
32573,113,6,1,Lily & Marshall's appartment / Marshall's office
32574,113,6,1,Ted from 2030: Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily had recently decided to take a swing at starting a family. Tonight was their first at-bat.
32575,113,6,1,"Marshall: Okay, I'm almost ready to leave. Let's just go through the checklist. Candles?"
32576,113,6,1,Lily: Check.
32577,113,6,1,Marshall: Music to set the mood?
32578,113,6,1,Lily: Check.
32579,113,6,1,Marshall: Music for when we're actually doing it?
32580,113,6,1,Lily: Check.
32581,113,6,1,The bar
32582,113,6,1,Ted: You know what? To hell with your dibs. I'm going over there right now and talking to her.
32583,113,6,1,"Barney: Oh, yeah, yeah? Be my guest. Fall in love with her. Get married. Just know this: When I step up to make my toast as your best man..."
32584,113,6,1,"Ted: Actually, Marshall would probably be..."
32585,113,6,1,Barney: As your best man...
32586,113,6,1,(Barney is imagining Ted's wedding dinner)
32587,113,6,1,Barney: Ladies and Gentlemen... I... had dibs.
32588,113,6,1,Ted: No!
32589,113,6,1,Barney: What?
32590,113,6,1,Ted's wife: Tell me this isn't true.
32591,113,6,1,Ted: I had implied dibs.
32592,113,6,1,"Ted's wife: (she slaps him in the face) You know, you've humiliated me! (turning towards Barney) I had no idea. You have to know that."
32593,113,6,1,"Barney: Shhh, shh. You're the victim here. We both are. Let's get out of here."
32594,113,6,1,"Ted's wife: Or, you know, we could just do it right here."
32595,113,6,1,Barney: We could just do it right here.
32596,113,6,1,Ted: Fine. Have at it. Exercise your dibs. She's got her shields up anyway. She's reading a book.
32597,113,6,1,"Barney: Yeah. At a bar. That book might as well be called, ""Are You There, Barney? It's Me, Horny."" That is not what ""shields up"" looks like. (He points to Robin who is entering the bar, with greasy hair and dirty clothes) That is what ""shields up"" looks like."
32598,113,6,1,"Robin: Move. God! (She come over Ted and Barney's table) Hey. 'Sup, dudes? Fries?"
32599,113,6,1,"Barney: Oh, good God, woman. You're a disgrace."
32600,113,6,1,Robin: No fries for this guy.
32601,113,6,1,"Barney: Robin, seriously, I love you, but it's like you have squiggly cartoon odor lines coming off of you right now."
32602,113,6,1,"Ted: You know what, Barney? Just cut her some slack, okay? She just went through a breakup."
32603,113,6,1,Barney: With hygiene?
32604,113,6,1,(Robin sits down)
32605,113,6,1,"Ted from 2030: No, with Don. A few months earlier..."
32606,113,6,1,[FASHBACK]
32607,113,6,1,A few months earlier...
32608,113,6,1,"Ted: Here, have some tea."
32609,113,6,1,Robin: Thanks.
32610,113,6,1,"Ted: Robin, I am here for you. Whatever you need."
32611,113,6,1,"Robin: Okay, about that. Ted, listen. I know myself pretty well. And, some time over the next few months, I'm going to want to sleep with you. And when that happens, you have to try to say no."
32612,113,6,1,Ted: Try? I will absolutely say no. Our friendship is too important.
32613,113,6,1,"Robin: Okay, you know, maybe I wasn't clear enough. I will come at you with everything I've got. I will stalk you like the lioness stalks the gazelle: careful, patient, deadly. And if you let your guard down for so much as a second, as sure as you were born, I will hump your brains out."
32614,113,6,1,two weeks later
32615,113,6,1,"Robin: Okay, I'm ready to have s*x now."
32616,113,6,1,[END OF FLASHBACK]
32617,113,6,1,"Ted: It was a tough summer, but I think our girl's been a real trooper. She's... Is this a Cheeto?"
32618,113,6,1,"Robin: No, we ran out of Cheetos last week. Oh, yeah, it's a Cheeto. Dibs."
32619,113,6,1,"Barney: Oh, you're exquisite. You must let me paint you."
32620,113,6,1,"Ted: Hey Robin, what do you think? The girl sitting at the bar. Shields up?"
32621,113,6,1,"Robin: Mmm, totes, toots. She's here on a date. She brought the book because she got here early, and she also wants to impress the guy she's meeting. Girls like to come across all classy and smart, you know? (She gets a giant hamburger out of a paper bag)"
32622,113,6,1,"Barney: This? What you're doing right now? I'm getting a ""de-rection."""
32623,113,6,1,(Lily & Marshall enters the bar)
32624,113,6,1,Ted: Hey! How'd it go? You pregnant yet?
32625,113,6,1,Marshall: Nope!
32626,113,6,1,"Lily: Okay, so, here's what happened. I was at home, waiting for Marshall."
32627,113,6,1,[FLASHBACK]
32628,113,6,1,Lily's & Marshall's appartment
32629,113,6,1,"Marshall: Hey! How was your day? Don't answer. No time. Bedroom. No, no. No time. Floor. No, no time. Against this wall!"
32630,113,6,1,"Lily: Marshall, whoa! Wait. A big package just arrived."
32631,113,6,1,"Marshall: Yeah, it did."
32632,113,6,1,"Lily: No, no. It's a real package from your dad."
32633,113,6,1,"Marshall: Well, that's a little weird, but yeah, it is."
32634,113,6,1,"Lily: Marshall, look!"
32635,113,6,1,"Marshall: A bassinet? Oh, my... He must've made it in his wood shop. Wasn't that sweet of him? Lil? Isn't that sweet? Lily?"
32636,113,6,1,Lily: You told your dad we're trying to have a baby?
32637,113,6,1,Marshall: Of course I did. I tell my dad everything. My dad is my best friend.
32638,113,6,1,[END OF FLASHBACK]
32639,113,6,1,Ted & Barney: Ohhh
32640,113,6,1,"Marshall: We have been looking forward to this magical, special night for two weeks now. And, sweetie, during that time, I have been... How do I put this delicately? Saving all my love for you."
32641,113,6,1,"Lily: I have read 11 books on conception. I have cut out alcohol, caffeine and sugar. I take my temperature every hour. But good for you for not playing with yourself."
32642,113,6,1,"Ted: I feel you, buddy."
32643,113,6,1,"Marshall: Ah, no! Don't even touch me, dude. It's been, like... It's been two weeks. I'm, like, a light breeze away from having a big problem. Seriously. (He looks at Robin, picking her teeth) Okay, I'm better now."
32644,113,6,1,"Ted: Okay, Barney. What's this going to cost me?"
32645,113,6,1,Barney: Excuse me?
32646,113,6,1,Ted: Your dibs. I want to buy your dibs.
32647,113,6,1,Barney: Two... hundred... and fifty thousand dollars.
32648,113,6,1,Ted: 20 bucks.
32649,113,6,1,Barney: But I... Can I go smell her first?
32650,113,6,1,Ted: No. (He takes $20 out of his wallet)
32651,113,6,1,Barney: Fine. (He takes the money)
32652,113,6,1,Ted: All right. Wish me luck.
32653,113,6,1,"Ted from 2030: Now kids, remember how I told you about a girl named Cindy? [FLASHBACK - Cindy's appartment] How I went on one date with her and it ended..."
32654,113,6,1,Cindy: Get out.
32655,113,6,1,Ted from 2030: badly? Well... [END OF FLASHACK]
32656,113,6,1,The Girl who was reading: How are you? (to cindy)
32657,113,6,1,Cindy: Good.
32658,113,6,1,Barney: What the hell are you doing?
32659,113,6,1,Ted: That girl she's talking to? I dated her.
32660,113,6,1,"Barney: Oh, that sucks! And dibs."
32661,113,6,1,"Robin: So you went on one date with one of her friends. It's not necessarily a big deal. I mean, did it end on bad terms?"
32662,113,6,1,[FLASHBACK]
32663,113,6,1,(Ted runs into Cindy in the hall of the university)
32664,113,6,1,[END OF FLASHBACK]
32665,113,6,1,"Robin: Well, I guess you just got to move on. I mean, it's not like you have a shot with Ready McGee over there, right? Ted?"
32666,113,6,1,"Ted from 2030: Then I remembered. Cindy had a roommate. A roommate I only caught a glimpse of... But a roommate who, by every indication, was something very special. Was it possible? Could this be the girl attached to that ankle?"
32667,113,6,1,Ted: I got to see her ankles.
32668,113,6,1,"Robin: You're one of those? God, I swear, one in five guys..."
32669,113,6,1,
32670,113,6,1,At the other side of the bar
32671,113,6,1,"Marshall: Lily! We kind of had a plan tonight, remember? Candles? Banjo?"
32672,113,6,1,Lily: Who else did you tell? Did you tell anyone at the office?
32673,113,6,1,[FLASHBACK]
32674,113,6,1,Marshall: Shannon? Start the music...
32675,113,6,1,[END OF FLASHBACK]
32676,113,6,1,"Marshall: I may have mentioned it in passing to a couple of colleagues at work. I'm sorry about that, but you know what? I got to be able to tell my dad."
32677,113,6,1,"Lily: Your dad is the last person you should tell! The man is too involved in our lives! It's like, every time the phone rings..."
32678,113,6,1,[FLASHBACK]
32679,113,6,1,Lily: Hello.
32680,113,6,1,"Marshall's dad: Lily, Marvin Eriksen. I noticed you hadn't changed your last name yet."
32681,113,6,1,"Lilly: No, I'm gonna..."
32682,113,6,1,"Marshall's dad: So, don't worry. I called the DMV, I called your Amex, I got that process started for you."
32683,113,6,1,[later]
32684,113,6,1,Lily: Hello.
32685,113,6,1,"Marshall's dad: Lily, Marvin Eriksen. I understand you and Marshall have been fighting. Well, let me tell you what works for me and the missus. Frilly French undies and a box of wine."
32686,113,6,1,[later]
32687,113,6,1,Lily: Hello.
32688,113,6,1,Marshall's dad: You might want to try pickles on that sandwich.
32689,113,6,1,[END OF FLASHBACK]
32690,113,6,1,Marshall: Pickles would have helped that sandwich!
32691,113,6,1,Lily: The man has no boundaries. And I just can't procreate under these conditions!
32692,113,6,1,"Marshall: Yeah, well, you know what? I've already told him, so the damage is done."
32693,113,6,1,"Lily: So, call him and tell him we decided not to have a baby."
32694,113,6,1,"Marshall: Okay, so you just... You want me to give my dad a stroke?"
32695,113,6,1,Lily: Only if you want to give this a stroke.
32696,113,6,1,"Marshall: That's ridiculous. Lily, there is no way that I would ever... Okay, everyone needs to shut up so that I can think!"
32697,113,6,1,"Back to the table with Barney, Robin & Ted"
32698,113,6,1,Robin: They're talking to a guy now.
32699,113,6,1,Ted: What kind of guy? A cheesy guy or a cool guy?
32700,113,6,1,"Robin: Oh, a cheesy guy. Don't worry."
32701,113,6,1,"Ted: Oh, man! That guy is cool. His hair's all cool, he's got a cool belt."
32702,113,6,1,"Robin: Well, that guy is cheesy, and if you think he's not cheesy, then you're cheesy, too, and now I want something cheesy. Who's feeling nachos?"
32703,113,6,1,"Barney: Oh, look at you, Robin. You're jealous."
32704,113,6,1,Robin: Jealous?
32705,113,6,1,"Barney: Yeah, jealous, because she's got it, and you've lost it."
32706,113,6,1,Robin: I have not lost it.
32707,113,6,1,Barney: You lost it.
32708,113,6,1,"Robin: I still have it. I know exactly where it is, and I can go get it whenever I want."
32709,113,6,1,"Barney: Robin, girls are like cartons of milk. Each one has a hotness expiration date, and you've hit yours. I'm not saying the occasional guy won't still open the fridge, pick you up, give a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway But it's all downhill from here."
32710,113,6,1,Robin: I don't have to take this. But I do have to take this.
32711,113,6,1,Back to Lily & Marshall
32712,113,6,1,"Marshall: Okay, so you just want me to call my dad and tell him that we're not having a baby?"
32713,113,6,1,Lilly: That's about the size of it.
32714,113,6,1,"Marshall: Okay, out of curiosity,when do we tell him about the baby?"
32715,113,6,1,Lily: We'll tell him about the baby when there's a baby to tell him about.
32716,113,6,1,"Marshall: So, he just gets no notice? He just walks into his boss's office, and says, ""I just had a grandson. I'm gonna be out for three months."""
32717,113,6,1,Lily: Out for three months?
32718,113,6,1,Marshall: Yeah. He and my mom are coming to live with us when the baby's born. We talked about this.
32719,113,6,1,"Lily: No, we didn't."
32720,113,6,1,"Marshall: I meant, me and my dad."
32721,113,6,1,"Lily: You know what, Marshall? Why don't you have a baby with your dad?"
32722,113,6,1,"Marshall: Oh, okay, Lily.Why don't you have a baby with your butt?"
32723,113,6,1,Lily: What?
32724,113,6,1,Marshall: I can't think straight! Why do you have to wear that shirt? This is not how I thought this night was going to go!
32725,113,6,1,Back to the table
32726,113,6,1,Cindy: Ted?
32727,113,6,1,"Ted: Oh, God, this sucks! Do you think she saw me?"
32728,113,6,1,(Cindy walks over)
32729,113,6,1,"Cindy: Hi, Ted!"
32730,113,6,1,"Barney: Yeah, she definitely saw you."
32731,113,6,1,Cindy: Can I see you for a minute... in private?
32732,113,6,1,"Ted: Yeah. Yeah, sure. I mean, how could that not be fun? If I don't come back, tell my mom I love her."
32733,113,6,1,"Barney: Okay, will do. And dibs."
32734,113,6,1,(Lily sits down at the table)
32735,113,6,1,"Lily: Barney, am I crazy? Marshall talks to his dad way too much, right?"
32736,113,6,1,"Barney: Oh, you don't want my opinion on that."
32737,113,6,1,Lily: Why not?
32738,113,6,1,"Barney: If I had my dad's number, I would never not be on the phone with him."
32739,113,6,1,Lily: That was really...
32740,113,6,1,"Barney: Whoa, a hottie with a body! Boing...!"
32741,113,6,1,Lily: Brief.
32742,113,6,1,"Barney: No. Lily, look. (looking at Robin standing at the bar) You saucy little minx. You sundressed up."
32743,113,6,1,(a man walks to her)
32744,113,6,1,The man: Hi.
32745,113,6,1,"Robin: 14 seconds! 14 seconds, and already some dingdong is stepping up, thinking he can get some of this broke off. I... still... got... it. All right, buddy, you proved my point. Now scram. Nice belt, by the way."
32746,113,6,1,"Barney: Robin, you do look super hot."
32747,113,6,1,"Robin: Oh, do I?"
32748,113,6,1,"Barney: Yeah, you do."
32749,113,6,1,Robin: Thanks.
32750,113,6,1,Camera on Ted & Cindy
32751,113,6,1,"Ted from 2030: I braced myself for what was next: rage, fury, a possible shanking."
32752,113,6,1,(Cindy hugs him)
32753,113,6,1,"Cindy: Thank you, Ted. After things didn't work out with us, I got really sad for a while. But then I realized, you're not what I wanted, Ted, and I'm not what you wanted. I'm sorry I was such a jerk. I feel like I should make it up to you somehow. You know, buy you a beer or Yankees tickets, or..."
32754,113,6,1,"Ted: Or set me up with one of your friends. No, I'm kidding. That would be weird."
32755,113,6,1,"Cindy: No, it wouldn't."
32756,113,6,1,"Ted: It wouldn't, would it? Any one of those three. Whichever's easiest and right nearby. And not the beer."
32757,113,6,1,Cindy: I should get back.
32758,113,6,1,Ted: Totally.
32759,113,6,1,Cindy: Come say good-bye before you leave.
32760,113,6,1,Robin: Say good-bye before you leave?
32761,113,6,1,Ted: Her words exactly.
32762,113,6,1,"Barney: Dude, you are so in. That is so awesome. A high five doesn't even cut it. High six!"
32763,113,6,1,"Ted: She didn't see us high-six, did she?"
32764,113,6,1,Barney: No. Good. That was pretty lame.
32765,113,6,1,"Ted: Yeah, let's never do that again."
32766,113,6,1,In the street
32767,113,6,1,Lily: Marshall?
32768,113,6,1,"Marshall: What? Lily, what? Are there more members of my family that you want to crap all over?"
32769,113,6,1,Lily: Here's the thing.
32770,113,6,1,(Marshall's phone rings)
32771,113,6,1,"Marshall: I'm sorry. Hold on. Just... It's my dad. Lily, it's my dad, okay? I love him, and if he calls me, I'm gonna answer the phone! Hey, Dad."
32772,113,6,1,"Marvin: Hey, hey. I know it's late, but I just had to call. How'd it go?"
32773,113,6,1,"Marshall: Dad, this is..."
32774,113,6,1,Marvin: Did you do everything the books say? Did you put the pillow under her back?
32775,113,6,1,"Marshall: Dad, I'm in the middle of something right now."
32776,113,6,1,Marvin: Did it feel like a boy? You can tell.
32777,113,6,1,"Marshall: He's insane. My dad is insane. I'm so sorry, Lily. He's just... He's so... enthusiastic. It's ridiculous, you know? Like, who's like that?"
32778,113,6,1,"Lily: You. You're like that. You and your dad both care so much. It's... it's why women fall in love with the Eriksen men to begin with. But right now, it's a lot of pressure."
32779,113,6,1,"Marshall: Baby, I'm not trying to pressure you one bit."
32780,113,6,1,Lily: What if I can't have a baby? That could happen. I could totally let you down. Has that thought not occurred to you?
32781,113,6,1,"Marshall: Not even for one second. Not having a baby would suck, but the idea of you letting me down... that's impossible. That would be like aliens landing. That's a bad example, because that could happen. It probably already has. I saw this, episode... All right."
32782,113,6,1,Ted: I'm doing this. I am going over there. Wish me luck.
32783,113,6,1,"Ted from 2030: Kids, nothing in this life quite compares to the sweet, terrifying exhilaration of making your move. When you just put it all on the line and go for it. And that night, by golly, Cindy went for it. So no, kids, that girl wasn't your mother. She ended up being someone else's mother. In fact, they both did."
32784,113,6,1,"Robin: Like I said, she's here on a date."
32785,113,6,1,Ted from 2030: So that was not the day I met your mother. The day I met your mother was the day of a wedding.
32786,113,6,1,Back to the church
32787,113,6,1,"Ted: Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous."
32788,113,6,1,"Marshall: Dude, it's just a wedding toast."
32789,113,6,1,"Ted: I know. I just... I want it to be great, you know? I want this whole day to be great."
32790,113,6,1,Marshall: It will be.
32791,113,6,1,Lily: Best man? You're being summoned.
32792,113,6,1,"Ted: Geez, what now?"
32793,113,6,1,"Marshall: Ted, seriously, relax. Everything's... Okay, and it's raining."
32794,113,6,1,Ted: Yeah. You were saying?
32795,113,6,1,"Marshall: You didn't happen to bring an umbrella, did you?"
32796,113,6,1,Ted: No. I didn't bring an umbrella.
32797,113,6,1,"Marshall: I mean, everyone told us that it might take a while, but... We thought we might be the exception to the rule. Anyways, we're getting back on that horse. I mean, feeling good about the future. Obviously, this goes without saying, but you won't tell Lily about any of this, right?"
32798,114,6,2,The bar
32799,114,6,2,"Barney: So, this chick and I are going at it behind the Central Park Zoo. The Bonobo chimps start giving us a standing O, and just when I'm about to give her the same thing... What up?... I... I can't. I just... I can't. Guys, I know you count the minutes until you can escape from your humdrum lives by hearing how awesome mine is, and I love doing that for you, but I just can't tonight."
32800,114,6,2,Robin: What's wrong?
32801,114,6,2,Barney: I don't want to talk about it.
32802,114,6,2,"Robin: Okay. Hey, you guys see Deadliest Catch last night?"
32803,114,6,2,Ted: Did I ever! Deadliest Catch ever!
32804,114,6,2,"Barney: All right, I'll tell you! My mother is selling the house I grew up in. All of my childhood memories gone, just like that!"
32805,114,6,2,"Ted: That sucks. I've been there, buddy."
32806,114,6,2,Marshall: What are you talking about? Your mother still lives in the house you grew up in.
32807,114,6,2,"Ted: With her new hippie husband, Clint. The comfort of home is a little ruined when someone turns your old room into what I'm pretty sure is a Tantric s*x temple. With all the bamboo, pot smoke and '60s music, it's like my old G.I. Joes are frozen in some weird Vietnam flashback."
32808,114,6,2,"Barney: Anyway, I need you guys to come out to Staten Island on Saturday and help box everything up."
32809,114,6,2,(laughing)
32810,114,6,2,Lily: You expect us to spend a whole day packing up your mom's house?
32811,114,6,2,Barney: Of course not. It's a two-day job.
32812,114,6,2,Robin: Pass.
32813,114,6,2,Ted: Same.
32814,114,6,2,Marshall: Unsubscribe.
32815,114,6,2,"Barney: You guys are adorable. You seriously believe that I, Barney Stinson, can't talk you into this? I got the Queen to give me a fist bump."
32816,114,6,2,Ted: No one believes that story.
32817,114,6,2,"Lily: You may be able to talk the brain surgeons you pick up into doing whatever you want, but it's not gonna work on us."
32818,114,6,2,"Staten Island, Barney's family home"
32819,114,6,2,Lily: How did he do that?
32820,114,6,2,[OPENING CREDITS]
32821,114,6,2,Ted from 2030: So there we were helping Barney pack up his childhood home.
32822,114,6,2,"Barney: Whoa, Ted, that thing you're packing is way too big to fit in that box."
32823,114,6,2,"Ted: Yeah, that's what your mom said."
32824,114,6,2,Barney: How dare you!
32825,114,6,2,"Ted: No, she actually said that."
32826,114,6,2,"Lauretta: Oh, dear, I thought I told you, that's just not going to fit in there."
32827,114,6,2,(James enters)
32828,114,6,2,"James: Someone order something tall, dark and awesome?"
32829,114,6,2,Everyone: James!
32830,114,6,2,Barney: Bro!
32831,114,6,2,Ted: How you doing?
32832,114,6,2,James: Hey!
32833,114,6,2,"Lauretta: Oh, my goodness!"
32834,114,6,2,James: Mama.
32835,114,6,2,Lauretta: Look at my two sons. So big and strong and handsome.
32836,114,6,2,Barney: Mom. Stop.
32837,114,6,2,"Lauretta: And how is my delicious little grandson? Oh, did he get the clothes I sent him?"
32838,114,6,2,"James: Check it. Huh? How cute is that, right? When was the last time you saw a diaper poking out of a Dolce and Gabana suit?"
32839,114,6,2,Barney: Tuesday at work. Some of the senior partners are really getting up there.
32840,114,6,2,"Robin: So, Ted, yesterday at work, I totally talked you up to that super-hot makeup girl, Liz."
32841,114,6,2,Ted: Oh yeah? Mm-hmm. What did you say?
32842,114,6,2,"Robin: Oh, you know, how funny you are..."
32843,114,6,2,Ted: Guilty.
32844,114,6,2,Robin: Handsome.
32845,114,6,2,"Ted: Who, me?"
32846,114,6,2,Robin: Incredible lover.
32847,114,6,2,Ted: Really?
32848,114,6,2,"Robin: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was all like, ""He knows a woman's body better than she knows her own, endless waves of pleasure just cresting and breaking for hours and hours..."" Blah, blah, blah. ""Orgasms so intense that you just black out."" All that stuff."
32849,114,6,2,"Ted: Robin, how can I possibly live up to that review?"
32850,114,6,2,"Robin: What? You know what you're doing down there. Oh, Teddy Westside can bring it. We know this."
32851,114,6,2,"Ted: But that is not the point. I mean, you broke the first rule of setting people up: undersell. It's like, if someone's never seen The Karate Kid, you don't say, ""It's the greatest movie ever."" You say, ""Uh, it's pretty good"" And then they see it, it blows their freakin' mind. Because Cobra Kai sensei's all like, ""Sweep the leg!"" And Daniel-san's all like... (high-pitched vocalizations, (mitates whooshing sounds)"
32852,114,6,2,Robin: Maybe I did oversell you a bit.
32853,114,6,2,James: Thank you guys so much for helping us out with this stuff.
32854,114,6,2,"Lily: Oh, it gives us a rare insight into the makings of Barney Stinson. Like, look at this. Who was a cute little basketball player before he became the biggest pervert in the world?"
32855,114,6,2,"Barney: I loved Pee Wee basketball. Well, until they kicked me off the team... I was so awesome, the coach asked me to quit because it wasn't fair to the other kids."
32856,114,6,2,[FLASHBACK]
32857,114,6,2,"Barney: I was so awesome, the coach asked me to quit because it wasn't fair to the other kids."
32858,114,6,2,[END OF FLASHBACK]
32859,114,6,2,Marshall: That sounds plausible.
32860,114,6,2,"Barney: Hey. It's true. Tell him, James."
32861,114,6,2,"James: Oh, yeah, he had, like, a four-foot vertical leap. He would hit it from the outside, hit it from the inside... He sucked. Coach cut him from the team, and Mom fed him that story so he'd feel better."
32862,114,6,2,"Barney: Oh, my God! Look at this. My letter from the Postmaster General. I still can't believe he took the time to write this..."
32863,114,6,2,[FLASHBACK]
32864,114,6,2,(Barney is celebrating his birthday)
32865,114,6,2,"Barney: ""Dear Barney... I sincerely apologize about losing all the invitations you sent out to your eighth birthday party. That's why none of your classmates showed up. Not because you threw up when they turned the lights off at the Planetarium. No one even noticed that. Also, Janey Masterson's mother is a whore, and with gin on her breath at 10:00 in the morning, she's got some nerve kicking us out of the carpool. Love, Postmaster General."
32866,114,6,2,[END OF FLASHBACK]
32867,114,6,2,Barney: Thank you.
32868,114,6,2,Marshall: Does your mom make stuff like that up a lot?
32869,114,6,2,"James: Constantly. I mean, she put more effort into some lies than others."
32870,114,6,2,[FLASHBACK]
32871,114,6,2,Barney: Mom? Who's my dad? All the other kids at school know who their dad is. Who's mine?
32872,114,6,2,"Loretta: Oh, I don't know... That guy."
32873,114,6,2,[END OF FLASHBACK]
32874,114,6,2,"Robin: Did she tell you that Bob Barker was your dad, too?"
32875,114,6,2,"James: No. No, no. I heard Flip Wilson, Bill Cosby, James Earl Jones, Meadowlark Lemon... The list goes on. I still can't get a straight answer about who my real dad is. And Barney's no help. He still believes every lie that my mom told us growing up. Not me. I caught on early."
32876,114,6,2,Barney: Careful! Michael Jackson sent me this glove for my tenth...
32877,114,6,2,Ted: Damn. Loretta really lied a lot to her kids.
32878,114,6,2,"Lily: Well, she's not alone. Whenever Marshall was acting too hyper, his mom would suddenly decide he was ""sick"" and give him cough medicine until he passed out."
32879,114,6,2,"Marshall: I'm pretty sure that's what stunted my growth. I hit 6'4"" in the fifth grade, and then I just stopped."
32880,114,6,2,Lily: And then there's the most popular parental lie in history. Santa.
32881,114,6,2,"Marshall: Yeah, but that's a good lie. Like when we tell Ted he'll meet the right girl and settle down."
32882,114,6,2,Ted: I always find that reassuring.
32883,114,6,2,"Marshall: You will meet her, buddy."
32884,114,6,2,Ted: You think so?
32885,114,6,2,Marshall: Yeah!
32886,114,6,2,"Lily is going down the stairs with a box in her hands, marshall is following her"
32887,114,6,2,"Lily: Santa's still a lie, and I'm not lying to our kids."
32888,114,6,2,"Marshall: Baby, it's Santa. Don't you want our kids going to sleep on Christmas Eve with their hearts full of hope, their heads full of crazy cough syrup nightmares, knowing that downstairs Kris Kringle is stuffing their stockings full of joy and stuffing his belly full of milk and lutefisk that they left him?"
32889,114,6,2,Lily: Milk and lutefisk? Santa doesn't get cookies in Minnesota?
32890,114,6,2,"Marshall: Yeah, that's just what Santa needs at 3:00 a.m. when he's battling a snowstorm over the Rockies: a sugar crash. No. Santa needs protein."
32891,114,6,2,Lily: I'm not lying to our kids.
32892,114,6,2,Barney: Ah... Valentines. The second base of third grade. I always got a Valentine from every single girl in my class.
32893,114,6,2,"James: Funny how all these girls have the exact same handwriting as the Postmaster General, Mom, and... home run king, Frank Aaron."
32894,114,6,2,"Barney: Yeah, school girls... The more they ignore you, pretend to hate your guts, lock you in the coatroom over winter break, the more they secretly like you. This isn't... Who's Sam Gibbs?"
32895,114,6,2,James: No idea. Why?
32896,114,6,2,Barney: Mom addressed this and never sent it.
32897,114,6,2,James: What's in it?
32898,114,6,2,"Barney: Hey. (laughs) It's a picture of you and me when we were little kids. On the back, Mom wrote... ""Your son."""
32899,114,6,2,"Loretta: Okay, everyone, lunch is ready. Who wants Sloppy Joes?"
32900,114,6,2,"James: Mom, who's Sam Gibbs?"
32901,114,6,2,Loretta: That doesn't sound familiar. Who wants Sloppy Joes?
32902,114,6,2,"James: There's a picture of me and Barney in an envelope addressed to him. And you wrote ""your son"" on the back."
32903,114,6,2,"Loretta: Oh, no, that... It says ""Yourson."" For Yourson, North Dakota. That's where we took the picture. Lovely town. We went kayaking, and you two rescued the mayor's dog, which had wandered into the rapids. That mayor, Sam Gibbs, asked for your picture so the city could make statues of you both. I guess I never sent it. That's embarrassing. Now, how about those Sloppy Joes?"
32904,114,6,2,"James: If this picture was taken in North Dakota, then why is our old swing set in the background?"
32905,114,6,2,"Loretta: I don't know! I did my best as a single parent, and it wasn't always easy, and I'd recommend putting the coleslaw right on top of the Sloppy Joe, because it's delicious that way!"
32906,114,6,2,James: Can you believe her?
32907,114,6,2,"Barney: I know. Forgetting to send the photo. That poor sculptor had to work from memory. Those statues probably look nothing like us. Damn it, Mom!"
32908,114,6,2,
32909,114,6,2,Back in the bedroom
32910,114,6,2,"Robin: So, Ted? You were worried that I oversold you to Liz. Well, I fixed it."
32911,114,6,2,Ted: How?
32912,114,6,2,"Robin: I sent her another email. ""Dear Liz. I hope it didn't sound like I was trying to oversell Ted. The truth is, he is a genuinely nice, down to earth guy, and I think you two would really hit it off."""
32913,114,6,2,Ted: Thank you. Thank you. That's perfect. That totally takes the pressure...
32914,114,6,2,"Robin: ""Is he going to rock your world in bed? No. But he's clean, open to criticism, and not into anything too weird. He's not bad at all. Not bad at all."""
32915,114,6,2,"Ted: See, now you went too far in the other..."
32916,114,6,2,"Robin: ""I'll be honest. The first few times aren't going to be that great. He's going to say 'Are you finished?' more times than a waiter in a busy restaurant."""
32917,114,6,2,Ted: Stop!
32918,114,6,2,In the living room
32919,114,6,2,"James: Listen to me. There is no Yourson, North Dakota. Mom... And Sam Gibbs wasn't the mayor. He might be one of our fathers."
32920,114,6,2,"Barney: Well, he's not my dad. My dad's Bob Barker."
32921,114,6,2,"James: Barney! You... You've got to stop living in these fairy tales that Mom told us! Bob Barker is not your father. Sam Gibbs might be, but Bob Barker is absolutely, unequivocally not your father."
32922,114,6,2,"Marshall: I suppose you have a problem with the Easter Bunny, too."
32923,114,6,2,Lily: Not now.
32924,114,6,2,"James: This address isn't too far. Are you coming with me, or not?"
32925,114,6,2,"Marshall, Lily, James and Barney take a trip to meet Sam Gibbs"
32926,114,6,2,"Barney: So we're doing this? We're really going to go disturb the peaceful Long Island retirement of the former mayor of Yourson, North Dakota on a Sunday afternoon? Real classy, James. Real classy."
32927,114,6,2,James: You're just too scared to face the truth. You're living in a dream world.
32928,114,6,2,Marshall: Maybe we shouldn't have brought these Sloppy Joes.
32929,114,6,2,"Lily: Oh, what's done is done."
32930,114,6,2,Ted and Robin are at the back of James' truck
32931,114,6,2,"Ted: ""Ted Mosby is solid as a rock."" No. ""Dependable."" No. ""Rugged."" No."
32932,114,6,2,Robin: Why don't I just go to the Chevy Web site and copy down adjectives?
32933,114,6,2,Ted: I just want to hit that perfect middle ground.
32934,114,6,2,"Robin: How about we just go wildly to both extremes and just let them balance each other out? ""Ted Mosby is really handsome, but extremely violent, and really rich, but lacks bladder control."" Oh, damn."
32935,114,6,2,Ted: What?
32936,114,6,2,Robin: That last bump just made me hit send.
32937,114,6,2,"Ted: Oh, no."
32938,114,6,2,Robin: Don't worry. I'm sure that everyone will get it's a joke.
32939,114,6,2,"Ted: No, they won't. They're going to think... Wait. ""Everyone""?"
32940,114,6,2,"(Marshall, Lily, James and Barney are all laughing)"
32941,114,6,2,"Barney: ""Really rich""?"
32942,114,6,2,They arrive in front of the Sam Gibbs' house
32943,114,6,2,James: You ready for this?
32944,114,6,2,"Barney: For what? I don't know who lives here, but it's not my dad. Wait. Wait. Please, stop. Just... just give me a second, okay?"
32945,114,6,2,James: I thought you said that he... Stop.
32946,114,6,2,"Barney: Come on. I know Bob Barker's not really... you know. I'm not crazy. I just... I needed that. I know it may sound stupid, but I didn't always feel so great about myself growing up, and so having a celebrity dad made me feel special. But you're right, James. It's time to let go of the fantasies. It's time to grow up."
32947,114,6,2,James: Come here.
32948,114,6,2,"(doorbell rings, a black man opens the door)"
32949,114,6,2,Sam Gibbs: Can I help you?
32950,114,6,2,James: Yeah... you're Sam Gibbs.
32951,114,6,2,Sam Gibbs: Yes.
32952,114,6,2,"James: I'm James Stinson, and, I think you may have known my mother, Loretta Stinson... in the '70s."
32953,114,6,2,"Sam: Loretta! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I... I knew Loretta."
32954,114,6,2,James: My mother meant to send you this.
32955,114,6,2,Sam: You're my son.
32956,114,6,2,"Lily: God, this must be so hard for Barney."
32957,114,6,2,"Marshall: Yeah, but you know what? He took a big step today..."
32958,114,6,2,"Barney: Papa! Look at us!nIt's like three of the same guy. Oh, my God, this explains why I was always so awesome at basketball. Guys, I'm black! Sorry. African-American. No. I'm allowed to say either. I got to go get my camera!"
32959,114,6,2,"James: That is my younger brother, Barney. He just thought he'd meet his real dad today, and clearly, he's not taking it so well."
32960,114,6,2,"Sam: Oh, my head's kind of spinning, too. I mean, Loretta and I only saw each other for a couple of months. You were two before I even knew you existed, and at that point, your mother made it very clear she was going to raise you on her own. I felt I had to respect her wishes, but I always wanted to meet you."
32961,114,6,2,"Ted: Wait. Barney and James are two years apart. If Sam only knew Loretta for a few months, he couldn't possibly be Barney's father."
32962,114,6,2,Robin: He's also quite the detective.
32963,114,6,2,Lily: Don't worry. We'll... We'll snap Barney out of this when he gets back.
32964,114,6,2,"Marshall: Or, he could just let him have this one."
32965,114,6,2,Ted: What?
32966,114,6,2,Lily: Are you kidding?
32967,114,6,2,"Marshall: Guys, Barney's losing his childhood home, he finally admitted Bob Barker's not his dad, and then he watched James meet his real father. It's just a lot to go through in one afternoon. Can't we just let the guy be black for a day?"
32968,114,6,2,"Barney: Here, Ted. Capture the moment!"
32969,114,6,2,"Ted: I think you'd need Salvador Dali to capture this particular moment, but I'll give it a whirl."
32970,114,6,2,"Barney: Man... I thought I was a light-skinned Caucasian, but in truth, I'm a really light-skinned African-American. Man, try to hail a cab in Manhattan. Am I right? Nope, no one's stopping for this. These guys don't understand what I'm talking about."
32971,114,6,2,"Ted from 2030: During that afternoon, Sam and James began to discover how much they had in common."
32972,114,6,2,"Inside the house, Sam is playing the piano, singing ""Stand By Me"""
32973,114,6,2,Sam: Come on. You know this. Come on.
32974,114,6,2,(James begins to sing with him)
32975,114,6,2,Sam: There you go. Come on.
32976,114,6,2,(Barney begins to scat sings)
32977,114,6,2,Robin and Ted are in the garden
32978,114,6,2,Robin: Weird day.
32979,114,6,2,Ted: Weird day.
32980,114,6,2,(phone chirps)
32981,114,6,2,"Robin: Hey, look at that! Liz still wants to meet you. That's great!"
32982,114,6,2,Ted: I guess. Wait a minute. You said Liz was a total ten. Why would she want to meet the incontinent freak show you described? You oversold her!
32983,114,6,2,Robin: Maybe a little.
32984,114,6,2,Ted: You said she was a ten.
32985,114,6,2,Robin: I did not specify on what scale.
32986,114,6,2,Ted: You said she looked like a movie star.
32987,114,6,2,"Robin: She does. It's Robert De Niro, but, like, super buff, like in Cape Fear."
32988,114,6,2,Sam and James are sitting in front of the house
32989,114,6,2,"Barney: Dad, look how fast I can run!"
32990,114,6,2,"James: He's actually a really sweet guy, and he's great with my son."
32991,114,6,2,Sam: I have a grandson?
32992,114,6,2,James: His name's Eli.
32993,114,6,2,Sam: He's beautiful.
32994,114,6,2,"Barney: Dad, you're not looking!"
32995,114,6,2,"Ted from 2030: Eventually, the strangest afternoon of our lives wound to a close, and we headed back to Staten Island, where Barney and his mom had a long overdue heart-to-heart."
32996,114,6,2,"Barney's room, Loretta comes in"
32997,114,6,2,Loretta: Barney? I need to talk to you.
32998,114,6,2,"Barney: Me first. Mom, there's something that I need to ask you, and I... I want you to be honest with me. Why do white people like Carrot Top?"
32999,114,6,2,"Loretta: Listen... I always wanted to be enough for you boys. I think that's why it always hurt whenever you asked about your dads, because I was always trying so hard to be both parents for you. But I was being selfish. You deserve the truth. So here it is. Sam is not your father."
33000,114,6,2,Barney: Are you sure?
33001,114,6,2,"Loretta: Yes. He's black, dear. But if you want, I can tell you who your father really is."
33002,114,6,2,"Ted from 2030: And at that moment, Barney suddenly saw his childhood more clearly than he ever had before."
33003,114,6,2,[FLASHBACKS]
33004,114,6,2,"Basketball coatch: I'm sorry, but your son can't be on the team. He's terrible."
33005,114,6,2,"Barney: What'd Coach say, Ma?"
33006,114,6,2,Loretta: He said you're simply too good to be on the team. It's not fair to the other boys. But that's okay. We can just play together in the backyard.
33007,114,6,2,Barney: Why didn't anyone come?
33008,114,6,2,"Loretta: Oh, you know what, dear? Apparently, there was a mix-up with the mail. I just got this letter from the Postmaster General. ""Dear Barney, I sincerely apologize ""for losing all the invitations you sent out to your eighth birthday party."""
33009,114,6,2,[END OF FLAHBACKS]
33010,114,6,2,(Barney tears the paper his mother is handing to him apart)
33011,114,6,2,Loretta: Barney.
33012,114,6,2,"Barney: It's okay, Mom. I don't need it."
33013,114,6,2,Loretta: But it's your father.
33014,114,6,2,Barney: I already have a father. And his name... is Loretta.
33015,114,6,2,"Ted from 2030: Kids, your uncle Barney grew up without a dad. And it always made him feel incomplete. But as he hugged Loretta, surrounded by the boxes into his happy childhood, he realized he had one hell of a mom."
33016,114,6,2,Sam's house
33017,114,6,2,(James and Sam are still singing. Barney comes in and begins to sing with them with a weird voice. James and Sam stand up et leave the room.)
33018,114,6,2,Barney: Wait. Dad! James! Where are you going? That's the best part. Can we go camping?
33019,115,6,3,"Ted from 2030: Kids, in my early days of being a professor, I had one simple goal: give a lecture that changes someone's life. Then one afternoon in 2010, I achieved that goal."
33020,115,6,3,Ted's class
33021,115,6,3,"Ted: Unfinished. Of all the words you could use to describe La Sagrada Familia... Brown, pointy, weird... The one that really seems to stick is ""unfinished."" Why? Because on June 7, 1926, the architect Antoni Gaudi... Whose beard was also brown, pointy, weird and unfinished......was run over by a bus. And so, his greatest masterpiece would remain forever..."
33022,115,6,3,"Ted from 2030: But first, let's back up a few days."
33023,115,6,3,A few days earlier - The Bar
33024,115,6,3,"Barney: Ted, look across the bar. Three chicks: one hot, one kind of hot and one who I'm assuming is really funny. We ride! What's wrong?"
33025,115,6,3,Ted: I don't know. Got a burger coming.
33026,115,6,3,"Marshall: Bro, I told you, if you ever need a wingman, I'm your guy."
33027,115,6,3,"Barney: Yeah, I'm not going to go through that again."
33028,115,6,3,[FLAHBACK]
33029,115,6,3,Barney: Hi. Barney Stinson.
33030,115,6,3,"Marshall: And I'm Marshall, Barney's wingman."
33031,115,6,3,Barney: Thank you for your time.
33032,115,6,3,[END OF FLAHBACK]
33033,115,6,3,Barney: Fine. I'll have a three-way with hot and kind of hot while Giggles works the camera. I ride!
33034,115,6,3,"Robin: So, get this: Last night, I was watching TV, and it turns out, some random satellite channel picks up a certain local Chicago newscast."
33035,115,6,3,[FLASHBACK]
33036,115,6,3,(Robin is watching TV in her appartment)
33037,115,6,3,"TV Speaker: And now, the 11:00 News with Don Frank."
33038,115,6,3,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33039,115,6,3,"Ted: Oh, man, it's bad enough to have to go through a horrible breakup, but then have that person pop up on your TV? Are you okay?"
33040,115,6,3,"Robin: Well, I'll admit, at first, I felt a little weird. But after the initial shock, I realized something: I've moved on. Finished with that. It was a peaceful moment of closure."
33041,115,6,3,Ted: That's great. Good for you.
33042,115,6,3,"Robin: Yeah, thank you."
33043,115,6,3,"Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?"
33044,115,6,3,Robin: Excuse me?
33045,115,6,3,"Lily: When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. Whenever he made the face that you're making right now, you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. Where's the poop, Robin?"
33046,115,6,3,Robin:I don't know what you're talking about.
33047,115,6,3,"Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?"
33048,115,6,3,Robin:There's no poop.
33049,115,6,3,Lily: Where's the poop?
33050,115,6,3,Robin:Okay. So it wasn't entirely a peaceful moment of closure.
33051,115,6,3,[FLASHBACK]
33052,115,6,3,"(Robin is watching TV, drinking a beer)"
33053,115,6,3,"Robin: Hey, Don, here's some breaking news: there's a zit breaking ou on your forehead. Finished with that."
33054,115,6,3,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33055,115,6,3,"Robin: Look, I'm not proud, but Don left so quickly that I never got the chance to have that final showdown. So yelling at him, even on TV, felt kind of good. And you know what? Now I truly am over him."
33056,115,6,3,Ted: That's great.
33057,115,6,3,Robin: Thank you.
33058,115,6,3,"Lily: Good for you. Where's the poop, Robin?"
33059,115,6,3,"Robin: Damn it! Okay, in the process of truly getting over him, I may have called him and left an... indelicate voice mail."
33060,115,6,3,[FLASHBACK]
33061,115,6,3,(Robin is on the phone with Don's vocal)
33062,115,6,3,"Robin: I am gonna kill you. I'm gonna fly to Chicago, kill you, put your stupid face on a deep dish pizza and eat it. And then maybe catch a Bears game. But mostly the killing and eating your face thing."
33063,115,6,3,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33064,115,6,3,Lily: Give me your phone. We're deleting Don's number.
33065,115,6,3,Robin: Don't worry. I am never doing that again. It was a one-time thing.
33066,115,6,3,Lily: Prove it. Delete contact.
33067,115,6,3,Robin: There. Deleted.
33068,115,6,3,(Barney comes back)
33069,115,6,3,"Marshall: Back already. How was flying solo? And by ""solo,"" I mean so low that you got shot down."
33070,115,6,3,"Barney: Look, I didn't get shot down. Trust me, I'll get the yes. Barney Stinson always gets the yes. This is all part of the plan. After initial contact, I'm now in the ignoring phase."
33071,115,6,3,"Lily: Barney, why can't you just take a girl out to dinner like a normal person?"
33072,115,6,3,"Barney: Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get the yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity. It requires a level of connection and eye contact that s*x just doesn't. Call me old-fashioned, but I need to have s*x with a girl at least three times before I'll even consider having dinner with her."
33073,115,6,3,"Ted from 2030: The next day, at the university, I had a surprise visitor."
33074,115,6,3,At the university
33075,115,6,3,"Ted: What are you doing here? Oh, God! You're dating one of my students. It's Rachel, isn't it? Barney, I know she wears provocative sweaters, but she's 19! Now I'm gonna have to hear all about it, right? Go on, tell me every detail."
33076,115,6,3,"Barney: No, you pent-up old perv. I brought you a present. Recognize this?"
33077,115,6,3,Ted: It's my building.
33078,115,6,3,"Ted from 2030: Kids, you may remember that, a few years earlier, I was chosen to design the new Manhattan headquarters for Goliath National Bank. It was the opportunity every architect dreams about. And when the project was ultimately scrapped... it broke my heart."
33079,115,6,3,"Barney: Do you remember how awesome it was to be co-workers... Nay, bro-workers?"
33080,115,6,3,Ted: Wait a minute. Y-You don't mean...
33081,115,6,3,"Barney: Ted Mosby, it's back on. We're gonna build your building."
33082,115,6,3,[CREDITS OPENING]
33083,115,6,3,The bar
33084,115,6,3,"Marshall: This is awesome... You're designing our new headquarters. Now, there will be voices that tell you a hockey rink on the roof is unfeasible. You've got to shut those voices out."
33085,115,6,3,"Ted: Actually, I think I'm gonna say no."
33086,115,6,3,Robin: No? Are you kidding me?
33087,115,6,3,Lily: But designing a building in New York City is your lifelong dream.
33088,115,6,3,"Ted: I do not want to work for GNB again. Those guys are evil. No offense, Marshall."
33089,115,6,3,"Marshall: Dude, none taken. Yes, GNB is, the Empire from Star Wars. But the Death Star's gonna get built either way. And don't you think the architect of the Death Star is pretty psyched to have that thing on his space resume? I mean, yes, his design was flawed in the sense that a single bullet fired into a particular vent would explode the whole thing."
33090,115,6,3,"Ted: For all we know, that was the contractor's fault."
33091,115,6,3,"Marshall: But that won't happen on your watch... you know why? Because you're Ted Mosby! And you are gonna design the most beautiful, ventless, Rebel-proof building in Manhattan, with clearly marked emergency stops for every trash compactor on the detention level."
33092,115,6,3,"Ted: Look, I know this is hard to understand, but right now, I have a quiet, simple, happy little life. And I like it that way. I know what my answer has to be."
33093,115,6,3,Barney's office
33094,115,6,3,"Ted: I can't take the job, Barney. I'm done with that life. No hard feelings?"
33095,115,6,3,Barney: Of course not.
33096,115,6,3,Ted: All right.
33097,115,6,3,Ted from 2030: And I thought that was the end of the story. But then that night...
33098,115,6,3,The Bar
33099,115,6,3,"Ted: I'm telling you, no architect would ever design a giant exposed vent right over a Death Star's core reactor. That's Space Architecture 101. It had to be the contractor. Barney, back me up. Barney. Dude, this is important."
33100,115,6,3,Barney: I need another drink.
33101,115,6,3,"Ted: Marshall, you want anything?"
33102,115,6,3,"Marshall: No, I'm fine."
33103,115,6,3,"Ted: Okay, I get that he's mad at me for turning down the job, but acting like I'm not even here?"
33104,115,6,3,"Marshall: Wait, you turned down the job? When?"
33105,115,6,3,Ted: This morning.
33106,115,6,3,"Marshall: That's so weird. Just, like, an hour ago, when we were leaving work..."
33107,115,6,3,[FLASHBACK]
33108,115,6,3,(Barney's office)
33109,115,6,3,"Marshall: So, you still think Ted's gonna take the job?"
33110,115,6,3,Barney: Please. I'll get the yes. Barney Stinson always gets the yes.
33111,115,6,3,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33112,115,6,3,Ted: Am I wrong or is that exactly what Barney says when he's putting the moves on a girl?
33113,115,6,3,"Marshall: Exactly. I mean, it's almost like he's putting the moves on you."
33114,115,6,3,"Ted: Yeah, more like the opposite. He's been ignoring me all night. Barney wants me to take the job so bad he's putting the moves on me?"
33115,115,6,3,"Marshall: I hope that's his end game. Actually, I don't. I like you two together."
33116,115,6,3,"Ted: I don't buy it. That's crazy, even for Barney."
33117,115,6,3,"Marshall: Okay, well, think about it. We've seen his moves countless times. What does he do after he's done ignoring a girl?"
33118,115,6,3,[FLASHBACK]
33119,115,6,3,"Barney: Chrissy, I love your glasses."
33120,115,6,3,Chrissy: Really?
33121,115,6,3,Barney: They totally pull focus up from that whole chin situation you got going on. To Chrissy.
33122,115,6,3,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33123,115,6,3,Marshall: The backhanded compliment to lower her self-esteem... a proven winner.
33124,115,6,3,Ted: But Barney hasn't done...
33125,115,6,3,"Barney: Ted, I admire your loyalty. You've had that hairstyle forever. You don't care that it's out of fashion or that it's been co-opted by the lesbian community. You stick with it. To Ted."
33126,115,6,3,Robin's appartment - Lily comes in
33127,115,6,3,"Robin: Hey, Lily!"
33128,115,6,3,"Lily: Don't ""Hey, Lily"" me. I smelled poop all the way from the hallway."
33129,115,6,3,"Robin: Oh, no, not this again."
33130,115,6,3,"Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?"
33131,115,6,3,"Robin: Okay, I left Don another message."
33132,115,6,3,[FLASHBACK]
33133,115,6,3,"Robin: ""This just in"" is what I'm gonna say when I'm stabbing you."
33134,115,6,3,(END OF FLASHBACK]
33135,115,6,3,Lily: But that's impossible. You deleted his number.
33136,115,6,3,"Robin: I tried to. But then this thing popped up on my phone that said, ""Are you sure?"" And I wasn't sure. I can't lie to my phone."
33137,115,6,3,"Lily:Oh, sweetie, I totally understand. Delete it!"
33138,115,6,3,"Robin: It's not that easy, okay? You're not just deleting a number, you're deleting a part of your life. You know, all those memories, all those experiences. It's like you're admitting they're gone forever."
33139,115,6,3,"Lily: I know, sweetie. I know. Delete it!"
33140,115,6,3,"Robin: Okay, if it's that easy, I'm gonna delete one of your numbers from your phone, see how you like it."
33141,115,6,3,"Lily: My ""plezh."" If you can find a number in there that I don't call regularly, I'll gladly delete it."
33142,115,6,3,Robin: Super Kicks Karate.
33143,115,6,3,"Lily: No, not that one. That's my dojo."
33144,115,6,3,Robin: You have a dojo?
33145,115,6,3,Lily: I took an introductory karate class.
33146,115,6,3,[FLASHBACK]
33147,115,6,3,"Lily: Ops, wrong room. Where do the grown-ups go for the real karate class?"
33148,115,6,3,"Boy: What's the matter, lady? You scared?"
33149,115,6,3,Lily: Of you? Please. I'm a kindergarten teacher.
33150,115,6,3,Boy: I hated kindergarten. All three times.
33151,115,6,3,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33152,115,6,3,Lily: But I'm totally gonna sign up for more lessons.
33153,115,6,3,Robin: How long ago did you take that class?
33154,115,6,3,"Lily: I don't know. It was around the time when everyone was going, ""Wassuuuuuuup!"""
33155,115,6,3,"Robin: How do you even remember that? Lily, this is a number that you will never dial again."
33156,115,6,3,Lily: I might.
33157,115,6,3,"Robin: No, no. But you keep it in your phone because it reminds you of a version of yourself that you could be, even if it's a version of yourself that you'll never become. And that's okay."
33158,115,6,3,"Lily: No, it's not. Okay, you know what? There, gone. Your move, Scherbatsky."
33159,115,6,3,
33160,115,6,3,(Ted and Marshall enters the appartment)
33161,115,6,3,Ted: I finally know what your kind goes through. I get it now.
33162,115,6,3,"Robin: For the last time, I don't care how big it was, it is not the same as giving birth."
33163,115,6,3,"Marshall: No! Barney's been ""putting the moves"" on Ted."
33164,115,6,3,"Lily: Oh, that sucks. Although I like you two together."
33165,115,6,3,"Marshall: No, he's been doing it to try to get Ted to design the new GNB Tower."
33166,115,6,3,Robin: Which moves are we talking about? Did he do the thing where he brags on himself in the form of a complaint?
33167,115,6,3,[FLASHBACKS]
33168,115,6,3,"Barney: Man, every time I take out my business card and women see the GNB logo, they throw themselves at me. I miss the chase. It sucks! (...) Man, the courtside Knicks seats that are available to all upper level GNB employees are too close to the action. I keep getting sweat on my suit. It sucks! (...) Man, GNB's benefits package is so comprehensive it gives me the freedom to see any doctor I want. It sucks!"
33169,115,6,3,[END OF FLASHBACKS]
33170,115,6,3,Ted: He did.
33171,115,6,3,Robin: And the intense eye contact thing?
33172,115,6,3,[FLASHBACK]
33173,115,6,3,"Barney: So, Ted, would you like to split some jalapeno poppers?"
33174,115,6,3,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33175,115,6,3,Ted: Okay. Yep.
33176,115,6,3,Robin: And the thing where he establishs intimacy through physical contact?
33177,115,6,3,[FLASHBACK]
33178,115,6,3,Ted: You know why jalapeno poppers are so good? It's the cream cheese.
33179,115,6,3,Barney: That is so true.
33180,115,6,3,Ted: Yeah... Cream cheese has a mild flav-flavor so it... it balances out the spiciness of the jal... the spiciness of the... Dude!
33181,115,6,3,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33182,115,6,3,"Robin: So at any point in this did you say, ""Barney, I know what you're doing, and it's not going to work. I am not taking that job""?"
33183,115,6,3,"Ted: Well, I mean, not exactly in those..."
33184,115,6,3,Lily: You're loving this.
33185,115,6,3,Ted: No.
33186,115,6,3,Lily: You are. You're loving the attention.
33187,115,6,3,"Ted: It's nice to be wanted, okay? And, yes, this is a new vest. Thank you all for noticing. Oh, that's right, you didn't. Barney did!"
33188,115,6,3,"Robin: Oh, Teddy, you are so going to spread your legs and design that building."
33189,115,6,3,Ted: I am not that kind of architect. So get this...
33190,115,6,3,(Ted goes into his room)
33191,115,6,3,Lily: Robin never deleted Don's number.
33192,115,6,3,"Robin: Oh, everyone thinks it's so easy. Give me your phone. Let's delete one of yours."
33193,115,6,3,"Marshall: Okay. No problem. If you can find a number that I don't need or shouldn't have in here, be my guest, but good luck. I keep my phone tight."
33194,115,6,3,Robin: Edwin.
33195,115,6,3,"Marshall: Oh, no, not that one. That's the booker for the club that my band plays at. You know, my all-lawyer funk band... you remember... The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk."
33196,115,6,3,[FLASHBACK]
33197,115,6,3,"(Ted, Lily and Robin are listening to Marshall's band playing)"
33198,115,6,3,"*Your witness lied so your case is sunk, hah! I sentence you to a life of funk Counselors, how do you plead? Funky. *"
33199,115,6,3,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33200,115,6,3,Robin: You guys played one gig four years ago. I'm deleting it.
33201,115,6,3,"Marshall: No, no, we're gonna... we're gonna play another gig again. Probably really soon. It's just we all got super busy, and... We're not going to play another gig again, are we?"
33202,115,6,3,"Lily: Probably not, baby."
33203,115,6,3,"Robin: See, it's hard to hit that delete button, isn't it?"
33204,115,6,3,"Marshall: Well, it's just that without that number in my phone, I'm just a corporate lawyer working 60 very un-funky hours a week."
33205,115,6,3,"Robin: Sorry, Marshall. But if I have to, you have to."
33206,115,6,3,Lily: Okay. Your turn.
33207,115,6,3,Barney's office - Ted comes in
33208,115,6,3,"Ted: Barney, I gotta tell you something."
33209,115,6,3,"Barney: Oh, that reminds me. I got you a little airplane. It represents the spirit of adventure. Do you like it, Ted? Do you?"
33210,115,6,3,Ted: Stop it. Stop looking at me like I'm the only person in the world who matters. I'm not designing the GNB Tower.
33211,115,6,3,"Barney: Yeah, I know. You turned it down. We hired someone else."
33212,115,6,3,The bar
33213,115,6,3,"Ted: Can you believe it? He's resorting to the oldest move in the book. The classic, ""pretend to take the offer off the table so I'll want it more."" It's so obvious, right? As if that's going to make me be like, ""Oh, God, I never should have said no."""
33214,115,6,3,"Marshall: It's not a move, dude. I executed the paperwork for the new architect this morning. Barney wasn't lying."
33215,115,6,3,"Ted: Oh, God, I never should have said no! Come on, GNB didn't really hire a new architect. This is just one of Barney's moves."
33216,115,6,3,"Marshall: It's not a move, dude. The senior partners were getting impatient. I thought you didn't even want the job."
33217,115,6,3,Ted: I didn't! I don't! I don't. I don't!
33218,115,6,3,Barney's office - Ted comes in
33219,115,6,3,"Ted: Okay, I'll do it!"
33220,115,6,3,"Barney: What? Ted, it's too late."
33221,115,6,3,Ted: I'll design it for half of what you're paying the other architect. And you know I will do stuff they would never do. Lobby stuff.
33222,115,6,3,"Barney: Wow, half? Ted, on behalf of Goliath National Bank..."
33223,115,6,3,"Marshall: Okay, it's a move."
33224,115,6,3,Ted: What?
33225,115,6,3,Barney: Dude!
33226,115,6,3,"Marshall: There is no other architect. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I lied. I was being Barney's wingman, and I never get to be the wingman."
33227,115,6,3,Ted: You guys lied to me?
33228,115,6,3,Barney: You're the world's worst wingman. You know what? I'm out of here.
33229,115,6,3,Marshall: I can do better. Take me back. You son of a bitch!
33230,115,6,3,"Ted: Look, I can't do business with people who lie to me."
33231,115,6,3,Barney: We only lied to you to make you realize that you want this job.
33232,115,6,3,"Ted: No, I don't. I mean, I know I said I did, but that's only because I fell for the same creepy, pickup artist voodoo of yours that countless women..."
33233,115,6,3,Barney: 236.
33234,115,6,3,"Ted:...before me fell for. Wow, respect."
33235,115,6,3,"Marshall: No... Ted... you want to do this, okay? You're just scared of getting hurt again. But you can't let fear steal your funk. That is good. There is a song in there. Excuse me."
33236,115,6,3,"Barney: Come on, Ted! This is your dream."
33237,115,6,3,"Ted: No, it's not. Not anymore. And you know what? Letting go of that dream was the best decision I ever made. You guys actually think I have some lingering itch to be an architect? Work 20 hours a day and weekends? To get ulcers and pull my hair out and worry and doubt myself and then at the end of it all, have the rug pulled out from under me? I love being a professor, okay? All that stupid crap they tell you about how fulfilling teaching is? It's all true. I'm happy, and I'm not letting go of that. My answer's no."
33238,115,6,3,The bar - Robin comes in
33239,115,6,3,"Robin: Hey, guys."
33240,115,6,3,"Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?"
33241,115,6,3,"Robin: How do you do that? You are like a bomb-sniffing dog, except with poop. You are a poop-sniffing dog."
33242,115,6,3,Marshall: I think that's just called a dog.
33243,115,6,3,"Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?"
33244,115,6,3,Robin: Fine. I called Don again.
33245,115,6,3,[FLASHBACK]
33246,115,6,3,"Robin: Hey, Don! It's Robin again. Look, I am sorry for all the calls. It's just, I saw you on the news, and it made me a little crazy for a minute. I guess I wasn't as over our breakup as I thought. But I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, I am going to kill you. No... No, I'm not. I am happy for you. And that Asian slut on your Facebook page. She's dead, too."
33247,115,6,3,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33248,115,6,3,Lily: I thought you deleted his number.
33249,115,6,3,"Robin: I did, but it turns out, I memorized it. You can't delete contacts from your brain, Lily."
33250,115,6,3,"Lily: Well, you have to try. If you ever want to have closure..."
33251,115,6,3,"Robin: I am never going to have closure. Okay? Closure doesn't exist. Okay, one day, Don and I are moving in together, and the next thing I know, he's on a plane to Chicago. It just... ended. And no matter how much I try to forget that it happened, it will have never not happened. Don and I will always be a loose end. We'll always be..."
33252,115,6,3,Ted's class
33253,115,6,3,"Ted: Unfinished. Gaudi, to his credit, never gave up on his dream, but that's not usually how it goes. I mean, usually, it isn't a speeding bus that keeps the brown, pointy, weird church from getting built. Most of the time, it's just too difficult or too expensive, or too scary. It's only once you've stopped that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it. But it's always there. And until you finish it, it will always be..."
33254,115,6,3,Barney's office
33255,115,6,3,"Ted: Hey, Barney. Hey, Rachel. Rachel, why aren't you in class?"
33256,115,6,3,Rachel: Why aren't you in class?
33257,115,6,3,"Barney: Yeah, Ted. Why aren't you in class? You son of a bitch. I'll call Marshall. We'll draw up the contract."
33258,115,6,3,Ted: Not so fast. I'm not that easy.
33259,115,6,3,Ted from 2030: And so I made Barney break his golden rule. I made him take me out to dinner before I finally gave him the thing he always got. Yes. And even though it didn't happen right away...
33260,115,6,3,Robin's appartment
33261,115,6,3,"TV Speaker: And now, the 11:00 News with Don Frank."
33262,115,6,3,(Robin makes a phone call)
33263,115,6,3,Voice: Bueno?
33264,115,6,3,Robin: Who is this?
33265,115,6,3,Voice: No hablo ingles. Quien es?
33266,115,6,3,"Robin: I'm sorry. Is this 917-456... I'm sorry, 465... No, wait."
33267,115,6,3,"Ted from 2030: Robin finally got some closure, too."
33268,115,6,3,Robin: Sorry. Wrong number. Finished with that.
33269,115,6,3,Lily arrives at the dojo
33270,115,6,3,"Lily: Hey, punk! Bit of advice. Next time you step on a kindergarten teacher's neck, you better finish the job."
33271,115,6,3,Man: I knew this day would come.
33272,116,6,4,The bar
33273,116,6,4,Barney: I cannot stop staring at that girl's face.
33274,116,6,4,Ted: Face. Huh. That's your weirdest nickname for boobs yet.
33275,116,6,4,"Barney: No, Ted, I'm really looking at her face."
33276,116,6,4,Lily: Aw... That's actually really sweet.
33277,116,6,4,"Barney: Puffy cheeks, smudged mascara, slightly red nose... That girl was just crying. She's so sad and defenseless. Anyone have a condom?"
33278,116,6,4,"Everyone: Oh! Oh, God! No, no, no!"
33279,116,6,4,Lily: That's it! You know what? Five-minute time-out! Corner booth! Now.
33280,116,6,4,"Marsall: Hey, get this. You know my friend Max from law school? He's at Gregor's Steakhouse downtown, and Woody Allen is sitting two tables over. He wants us to come check it out."
33281,116,6,4,"Robin: I don't know, it could be cool. I've never seen Woody Allen."
33282,116,6,4,"Marsall: What?! Robin, how can you be a New Yorker and never have seen Woody Allen?"
33283,116,6,4,Robin: I have seen plenty of other famous people. Last week I saw... Maury Povich.
33284,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: Kids, you know talk show host Maury Povich. It was uncanny how often we saw this guy."
33285,116,6,4,"Lily: Dude, everyone sees Maury Povich."
33286,116,6,4,"Marsall: Maury Povich is everywhere. I'm sorry, Robin, but you're not a real New Yorker until you've seen Woody Allen."
33287,116,6,4,"Robin: I am, too, a real New Yorker."
33288,116,6,4,Ted: That's adorable. You're from Canada.
33289,116,6,4,Robin: I have been here for almost six years. It's not like I just got off a boat.
33290,116,6,4,"Lily: A boat! Oh, wait, that is how you say it."
33291,116,6,4,Ted: I'd say you're not a real New Yorker until you've stolen a cab from someone who needs it more than you do.
33292,116,6,4,"Lily: No, you're not a real New Yorker till you've cried on the subway and not given a damn what anyone thinks."
33293,116,6,4,"Marshall: No, you're not a real New Yorker until you've killed a cockroach with your bare hands."
33294,116,6,4,"Robin: Those rules are all stupid, okay? I've never done any of those things."
33295,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: By the end of this day, Robin would have done all of those things."
33296,116,6,4,"Barney: Okay, time's up. What are we talking about?"
33297,116,6,4,"Marshall: Woody Allen is eating at Gregor's, and Robin thinks that we should go see him."
33298,116,6,4,Barney: Why would I do that? I'll see him at poker on Tuesday.
33299,116,6,4,"Robin: Oh, come on, if we jump in a cab, we'll be there in 15 minutes."
33300,116,6,4,"Lily: A real New Yorker would know the subway's faster. You just take the one, and transfer to the two-three."
33301,116,6,4,"Ted: Well, the bus runs more often on weekends. Take the M-7 to the M-5."
33302,116,6,4,"Barney: The bus? Every time I take the bus, there is one crazy person no one wants to sit near. That's why I have never taken the bus. Plus... I can run faster than a bus."
33303,116,6,4,"Ted: Dude, that's, like, seven miles. You can't do that. You can't beat the bus!"
33304,116,6,4,Marshall: I can beat a bus or a cab or a train!
33305,116,6,4,Robin: Is anyone else suddenly craving green eggs and ham?
33306,116,6,4,"Marshall: Machines are overrated, and someone needs to take them down a peg."
33307,116,6,4,"Barney: You're all wrong... I got a way to get there so fast, I could beat all of you, even if I sat down and ordered a big, juicy steak first."
33308,116,6,4,Marshall: How?
33309,116,6,4,"Barney: Medium rare. But that's not important right now. Look, I know the city better than any of you guys, okay?"
33310,116,6,4,"Lily: Oh, my God!"
33311,116,6,4,"Barney: Oh, wow!"
33312,116,6,4,"Ted: All right, all right, hold on, hold on! Let's just forget about it. Who cares? I mean, there's no way to find out who's right anyway. First person there wins! (Everyone stand up et run outside)Doesn't matter how you get there!"
33313,116,6,4,Barney: (to the sad girl at the bar) Stay sad! I'll be back!
33314,116,6,4,[OPENING CREDITS]
33315,116,6,4,"Barney: Hi. Can I see a menu, please? No rush."
33316,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: Kids, I should tell you, Lily really needed a win that day."
33317,116,6,4,[FLASHBACK]
33318,116,6,4,(2 months earlier)
33319,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: When Marshall and Lily decided to have a baby, they assumed it would happen right away."
33320,116,6,4,"Marshall: It's gonna be positive. Eriksen man are hella fertile. When Uncle Morris was 16, he got his girlfriend pregnant just by holding her hand too tight in the backseat of a car. Now I'm thinking my parents lied to me."
33321,116,6,4,Lily: Negative.
33322,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: As the weeks went by, Marshall's confidence never wavered. Then it started to mess with Lily's head."
33323,116,6,4,"Marshall: Negative? Well, we know it's not me."
33324,116,6,4,Lily: Everything's fine. These things take time.
33325,116,6,4,"Marshall: Not with an Eriksen. Something must be wrong with you. Also, my mom hates you."
33326,116,6,4,"Lily: You know what? Just to make sure, I'm gonna pee on this again."
33327,116,6,4,"Marshall: What? No, you wouldn't. Somebody help me! Somebody help me!"
33328,116,6,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33329,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: Lily was so fed up with not getting anywhere, maybe winning this race was just what she needed."
33330,116,6,4,Lily jumps into the subway train
33331,116,6,4,Man: Idiot!
33332,116,6,4,Marshall is running in the street
33333,116,6,4,Marshall: I'll show them. My body can outrun any motorized vehicle. I'm like John Henry when he beat the steam engine. All I need is a great folk song.
33334,116,6,4,"Folk singer: *Gather round, ye children to hear the tale so sweet of a man who dared to race machines with nothing but his feet*"
33335,116,6,4,"Marshall: Suck it, grand-butt!"
33336,116,6,4,Folk singer: * Marshall versus the machines *
33337,116,6,4,Robin calls a taxi
33338,116,6,4,"Robin: Ooh, taxi!"
33339,116,6,4,"Man: Excuse me, I got a thing."
33340,116,6,4,Lily is in the subway train
33341,116,6,4,Speaker: Maury... Maury...
33342,116,6,4,Lily: Track maintenance? 20-minute delay?
33343,116,6,4,Man:  How do you do that?
33344,116,6,4,"Lily: I grew up here, I speak conductor. Damn it! (she gets off the train) Damn it!"
33345,116,6,4,Ted is in the bus
33346,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: Kids, I also needed a win that day. A couple nights earlier, your Uncle Marshall had offhandedly mentioned a web site called..."
33347,116,6,4,[FLASHBACK]
33348,116,6,4,(The bar)
33349,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: A couple nights earlier, your Uncle Marshall had offhandedly mentioned a web site called..."
33350,116,6,4,Ted: Grademyteacher.net?
33351,116,6,4,"Marshall: It's this awesome site where students can go say what they really think about their professors. Hey, you're probably on there."
33352,116,6,4,Ted from 2030: I just had to see what my students had written about me. And it was... Majestic. Until...
33353,116,6,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33354,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: Now, kids, I knew I was a good Professor. That's why I didn't let it bother me. I had nothing to prove. Absolutely nothing."
33355,116,6,4,Ted: Here's a fun fact. See the Alberta Building over there?
33356,116,6,4,Man: Oh. The brown one or the gray one?
33357,116,6,4,Ted: That's the gray one. Did you know that in 18...
33358,116,6,4,(the man falls asleep)
33359,116,6,4,Barney is at the restaurant
33360,116,6,4,Barney: Hey! Come on! Elizabeth!
33361,116,6,4,(Barney falls down)
33362,116,6,4,Waiter: Somebody call an ambulance!
33363,116,6,4,Robin is trying to get the cab from a woman
33364,116,6,4,"Robin: Excuse me, I've got a thing."
33365,116,6,4,Woman: Hey! That's my cab!
33366,116,6,4,"Robin: Gregor's Steakhouse, downtown."
33367,116,6,4,Woman: (jumping onto the cab)This is my cab...!
33368,116,6,4,Barney is in the ambulance
33369,116,6,4,"Barney: Downtown hospital, please. It's right by Gregor's Steakhouse. Take the FDR, and maybe crank up some smooth jazz."
33370,116,6,4,"Medic: Uh, we're required by law to take you to the nearest hospital, which is St. Luke's-Roosevelt. Uptown."
33371,116,6,4,"Barney: Oh, no. (He makes a phone call) It's Barney. Help me."
33372,116,6,4,Ted from 2030: Robin also needed a win that day.
33373,116,6,4,[FLASHBACK]
33374,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: It had been a rough year for Robin. First her boyfriend and former cohost, Don, left her for another job. Then Robin met her new cohost, Becky."
33375,116,6,4,Becky: Hi! I'm Becky!
33376,116,6,4,Robin: Hi.
33377,116,6,4,Becky: I am so excited to be your coanchor! Yay!
33378,116,6,4,"Robin: Hi, Becky. My, you're perky."
33379,116,6,4,"Becky: Don't worry, I am not here to step on your toesies."
33380,116,6,4,Robin: Oh...
33381,116,6,4,Becky: You're still the star. I made chocolate chip cookies for everybody! Yay!
33382,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: And just like that, Becky started to eclipse Robin. I mean, literally eclipse her."
33383,116,6,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33384,116,6,4,The taxi driver pulls the breaks et the woman falls down.
33385,116,6,4,Woman: This is my cab! Aah!
33386,116,6,4,Robin: Keep it.
33387,116,6,4,"(She steps out the taxi, Marshall is behind her, still running)"
33388,116,6,4,Barney steps inside a car
33389,116,6,4,Ranjit: Hello.
33390,116,6,4,"Barney: Ranjit, take me to Gregor's."
33391,116,6,4,Ranjit: Taking you to Gregor's.
33392,116,6,4,Marshall slows down
33393,116,6,4,Folk singer: * As Marshall ran with all his might and passed his friend Christine *
33394,116,6,4,"Marshall: Hey, Christine."
33395,116,6,4,"Folk singer: * He thought of all the times that he had beaten the machine. He triumphed over ""Pitfall"" He vanquished the alarm. He brought the jukebox back to life with his Fonzarelli arm Marshall versus the machines. *"
33396,116,6,4,
33397,116,6,4,"In the bus, a woman sits down next to Ted"
33398,116,6,4,Woman: Last seat. Thank God. I just had the worst cab ride of my life.
33399,116,6,4,"Ted: Well, you're in luck. See that gothic church over there? Those corinthian columns were designed by Giuseppe Pegatto in 1896. (the woman stands up to find another place)"
33400,116,6,4,In Ranjit's car
33401,116,6,4,"Barney: Hey, Ranjit, pull over."
33402,116,6,4,Ranjit: Pulling over.
33403,116,6,4,"Barney: Hey, toots! How about a ride? Oh. Hey, Robin, it's you."
33404,116,6,4,Folk singer: * Hyah! Move along. Hyah! Move along. Hyah! *
33405,116,6,4,Ted is standing next to the bus driver
33406,116,6,4,Ted: See that over there? That's the old Arcadian Hotel. Fun fact... While today its neoclassical fenestration is considered to be... (the driver suddenly pulls the breaks)
33407,116,6,4,"Robin: So, is this ride your way of apologizing for this morning?"
33408,116,6,4,Barney: I'm sorry. I never apologize. And why would I?
33409,116,6,4,Robin: Are you kidding me?
33410,116,6,4,[FLASHBACK]
33411,116,6,4,"Robin: Hey, Barney, can I talk to you?"
33412,116,6,4,Barney: Sure. Stand a little more this way. I'm scouting some talent. Pretend we're talking about something important.
33413,116,6,4,"Robin: Oh, well, this... This is something important. Um, I'm having a... A really rough time at work. You know, the whole Becky thing..."
33414,116,6,4,"Barney: Oh, you know what? That's just getting distracting. Um, say ""carrots and peas"". Carrots and peas. Guys, I can't stop staring at that girl's face."
33415,116,6,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33416,116,6,4,"Barney: What, you really had something to talk about?"
33417,116,6,4,"Robin: Yes. Look, I've spent the last,six years in this city, focusing on my career, all for nothing. Some lady almost got me killed. Maury Povich stole my cab. I swear, this city is starting to reject me like a bad organ transplant. You know, everyone keeps saying that I'm not a real New Yorker. Well, maybe I should just stop trying."
33418,116,6,4,"Barney: Robin, I had no idea."
33419,116,6,4,"Robin: No, it's my fault for thinking that you might care. Ranjit, stop the car."
33420,116,6,4,Ranjit: Stopping the car.
33421,116,6,4,"Barney: No, don't stop the car."
33422,116,6,4,Ranjit: Not stopping the car.
33423,116,6,4,"Robin: Seriously, stop the car."
33424,116,6,4,Ranjit: Seriously stopping the car.
33425,116,6,4,"Barney: Look, you... Wait, wait... Robin, hold on. If you want to talk, I'm right here."
33426,116,6,4,Robin: Carrots and peas.
33427,116,6,4,Barney: Don't... You...
33428,116,6,4,(Robin steps out of the car)
33429,116,6,4,Ranjit: I'll crank up the smooth jazz.
33430,116,6,4,"Marshall is stopped at a pedestrian red light, waitin for it to turn green"
33431,116,6,4,Folk singer: * Our hero's strength was fading fast just as the light turned... green. He then thought back to all the times he'd lost to a machine. The cable box is fearsome but the stapler's mighty sting... The cable box's bite again... Getting too tired to sing. *
33432,116,6,4,(Barney steps out of his car and follows Marshall)
33433,116,6,4,Ted: Uses a hybrid steel tube structure...
33434,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: Kids, that day, I had a horrible realization. If you can't spot the crazy person on the bus...It's you. (Ted steps out of the bus) The good news is, I was halfway there, and nothing could stop me."
33435,116,6,4,They all arrive at the same time
33436,116,6,4,Marshall: Whoa! This is crazy.
33437,116,6,4,Robin: I can't believe it.
33438,116,6,4,"Ted: Okay, this is clearly a sign. Let's just call it a tie. Forget about the race. Head back to the bar."
33439,116,6,4,(Everyone goes on its side)
33440,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: Just like that, the race was back on."
33441,116,6,4,Lily jumps into the subway train
33442,116,6,4,Maury Povich: Idiot.
33443,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: Meanwhile, one subway car over..."
33444,116,6,4,Robin is also in the subway train
33445,116,6,4,"(A man points toward the poster showing Becky. Robin get it off, and finds, underneath, a poster of her and Don)"
33446,116,6,4,"Robin: Oh, God. Oh, bite me!"
33447,116,6,4,Barney is in a pedicab
33448,116,6,4,Barney: Faster. Mush! Mush! I need this win. I need this win.
33449,116,6,4,[FLASHBACK]
33450,116,6,4,"Barney: And firing half my department freed up the money to double my own salary. And this chick from Boston was wicked hot in bed last night, and I'm getting more muscular, even though I've stopped working out, and I've got this amazing poker group."
33451,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: Actually, Barney did not need a win."
33452,116,6,4,"Barney: And I smell incredible. Smell me. Just, seriously, smell me."
33453,116,6,4,Ted from 2030:He did smell incredible.
33454,116,6,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33455,116,6,4,Barney: Stop! Too slow. Switch.
33456,116,6,4,Lily steps out of the train and joins Robin
33457,116,6,4,Lily: Sweetie? Are you okay?
33458,116,6,4,Robin: No. I am done with this city. It wins. I just want to move somewhere new and start over.
33459,116,6,4,"Lily: You've had a rough year. But you're tough. And I love you like crazy. If you left, I'd have to follow you. And Marshall would follow me. And Ted would follow him. The only upside is that we might get rid of Barney. Bring it in."
33460,116,6,4,Robin: What did he say?
33461,116,6,4,"Lily: No clue. Hey, is that Maury Povich?"
33462,116,6,4,(Lily runs out of the train )
33463,116,6,4,Robin: Hey! Lily.
33464,116,6,4,"Lily: Sorry, sweetie. I swear I'll be a great friend at the finish line, but the conductor just said you're going express to Borough Hall, which means you're screwed, sweetie. So long, sucker. (the doors of the train opens) Damn it. (she makes a phone call) Hey, it's Lily. Help me."
33465,116,6,4,Ted is running with Marshall
33466,116,6,4,"Ted: And not a single passenger would listen to me. I mean, am I a bad teacher? Do I just put people to sleep?"
33467,116,6,4,(Marshall falls down)
33468,116,6,4,"Man, in a calculator display: Buddy? Hey, buddy? Need a hand?"
33469,116,6,4,Marshall: The machines have won! he machines have won.
33470,116,6,4,"Man: Dude, mellow."
33471,116,6,4,Marshall: I can't do it. I can't run that far. I can't outrace anything. I... I can't... I can't get my wife pregnant!
33472,116,6,4,Ted: Wait. Is that what this whole stupid running thing has been about?
33473,116,6,4,"Marshall: My body has been letting me down, and I just wanted to prove that it could still do something, but it can't."
33474,116,6,4,"Ted: Dude, you've been trying for two months, not two years. That's nothing."
33475,116,6,4,"Marshall: Well, you should talk. You know, you're the one who's freaking out because you have one mediocre review and, like, 50 great ones."
33476,116,6,4,Ted: 64. But whatever.
33477,116,6,4,"Marshall: And you're designing a frickin' building. I mean, come on, dude."
33478,116,6,4,"Man: Sounds like you guys need to clear everything, subtract the negativity, and add some perspective."
33479,116,6,4,(Ted and Marshall throw the man down. Lily arrives in a car)
33480,116,6,4,"Lily: Marshall! Marshall, get in!"
33481,116,6,4,Ranjit: Hello.
33482,116,6,4,"Barney, Ted and Robin arrive at the same time"
33483,116,6,4,Ted: There it is.
33484,116,6,4,Robin: Where are Marshall and lily?
33485,116,6,4,Barney: Who cares?
33486,116,6,4,"(They start running, Ted and Barney fall down while Robin keeps on running)"
33487,116,6,4,Robin: I won? I won!
33488,116,6,4,Barney: No!
33489,116,6,4,Robin: I can't believe I won!
33490,116,6,4,Barney: How did that even happen?
33491,116,6,4,Ted from 2030: Here's how it happened.
33492,116,6,4,[FLASHBACK]
33493,116,6,4,"Lily: Okay, he's in. Go. Go. Gun it."
33494,116,6,4,Ranjit: Ted is in the way.
33495,116,6,4,Lily: Run him over.
33496,116,6,4,Ranjit: Running him over.
33497,116,6,4,"Marshall: No. Lily, what the hell is the matter with you?"
33498,116,6,4,Lily: Nothing. I just want to win this really badly. So badly that I just ditched my best friend when she needed me.
33499,116,6,4,"Marshall: Oh, baby, you were also going to run over Ted."
33500,116,6,4,Lily: Why did I get so crazy about this?
33501,116,6,4,"Marshall: Maybe for the same reason that I kept saying that I could run seven miles. I... I'm trying to be really, um, confident and positive about all this, but, baby, I'm really scared that we're not pregnant yet."
33502,116,6,4,"Lily: Oh, thank God. I keep thinking there's something wrong with me."
33503,116,6,4,Marshall: I keep thinking there's something wrong with me.
33504,116,6,4,Lily: It's only been two months.
33505,116,6,4,Marshall: We are crazy.
33506,116,6,4,Lily: We're totally crazy.
33507,116,6,4,Marshall: This is the last time it's ever going to be just the two of us. Shouldn't we be enjoying that?
33508,116,6,4,Lily: We gotta go back to Paris.
33509,116,6,4,Marshall: And take ballroom dancing.
33510,116,6,4,Lily: And really learn how to ski. Not just up and get faced in the lodge.
33511,116,6,4,"Marshall: And see Coney Island. I've still never been. See, we have a whole bucket list of things to do before we start having kids."
33512,116,6,4,"Lily: Oh, a cradle list."
33513,116,6,4,"Marshall: I'm... So glad we're trying, and I'm going to be really excited for when it happens, but this isn't a race."
33514,116,6,4,Lily: It isn't a race.
33515,116,6,4,"Marshall: Ranjit, screw Gregor's. Let's go to Coney Island."
33516,116,6,4,Ranjit: Screwing Gregor's. Going to Coney Island.
33517,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: As for how Robin beat me and Barney, to this day, your uncle Barney won't admit it... Who cares? But here's what I saw: I saw Barney notice Robin's face... And maybe realize something. Barney says he tripped, but it sure felt like he tackled me on purpose. And when Robin won, I could have sworn I saw him smile."
33518,116,6,4,Robin: I won!
33519,116,6,4,Barney: No!
33520,116,6,4,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33521,116,6,4,Robin is at the restaurant with Max
33522,116,6,4,"Robin: So I said, ""the cab, of course"""
33523,116,6,4,Ted: I know what you did back there.
33524,116,6,4,"Barney: Yeah. Check it. I just drove a pedicab 26 blocks, and I still smell incredible. Smell me."
33525,116,6,4,Ted: I'm not gonna... Not gonna...
33526,116,6,4,Barney: Smell me.
33527,116,6,4,Ted from 2030: He did smell incredible.
33528,116,6,4,"Robin: Wait a minute. So, where is Woody Allen?"
33529,116,6,4,Max: He's right there.
33530,116,6,4,"Robin: Damn it, Max. That's Maury Povich."
33531,116,6,4,Max: I always get those two confused.
33532,116,6,4,"Ted from 2030: Technically, there was only one winner that day. And in that race, everyone found exactly what they needed. It's true, she wouldn't see Woody Allen for another couple months, but that's how Robin became, by just about any definition of the term... A real New Yorker."
33533,117,6,5,"Ted from 2030: Kids, in the fall of 2010, I was designing the new headquarters for Goliath National Bank, which meant working side by side with your Uncle Barney."
33534,117,6,5,Barney's office
33535,117,6,5,"Ted: I love your idea about a giant rooftop ring of fire you can jump through with a motorcycle, but I tweaked it slightly and... This is still super bad-ass. It's now a patio garden where you can bring a nice bag lunch."
33536,117,6,5,Barney: Sick. Yeah. Dude. Working together is gonna be legen... Wait for it. I'll send you an inter-office memo with the rest 'cause we freakin' work together!
33537,117,6,5,"Ted from 2030: Everything was going great. That is, right up until Barney said..."
33538,117,6,5,"Barney: Oh, big news. The board finally settled on a site for the building."
33539,117,6,5,"Ted from 2030: It was the site of The Arcadian, one of New York's grandest old hotels. In its heyday, it was the New York home to kings and queens. But lately... mostly just queens."
33540,117,6,5,The Arcadian
33541,117,6,5,"Transvestite: Hi, handsome. Lookin' for a date?"
33542,117,6,5,"Ted: Uh, no, thank you. Still got it."
33543,117,6,5,Barney's office
33544,117,6,5,"Ted: Barney, we have to talk."
33545,117,6,5,Barney: Sure. What's up?
33546,117,6,5,"Barney's Secretary: Excuse me, Mr. Stinson."
33547,117,6,5,"Barney: Not now, Trish!"
33548,117,6,5,Barney's Secretary: But there's an urgent memo for Mr. Mosby.
33549,117,6,5,"Ted: ""Dary."""
33550,117,6,5,"Barney: Legendary! So, what's on your mind?"
33551,117,6,5,Ted: I can't design the building.
33552,117,6,5,[OPENING CREDITS]
33553,117,6,5,Lily's and Marshall's bedroom
33554,117,6,5,"Marshall: Oh, yeah."
33555,117,6,5,"Lily: Oh, baby. No, no. Not the slipper socks with the rubber soles. I work so hard to-to set the mood, and-and when I see those, I feel the egg go right back up my Fallopian tube."
33556,117,6,5,"Marshall: Baby, these satin sheets are slippery. Papa needs traction."
33557,117,6,5,Lily: Traction?
33558,117,6,5,"Marshall: As you know, Papa likes to get down with enthusiasm."
33559,117,6,5,"Lily: Please stop calling yourself ""Papa."""
33560,117,6,5,"Marshall: And without traction, Papa's likely to boogie himself right out of bed. It's either these or soccer cleats."
33561,117,6,5,"Lily: Hey, so I talked to Robin. I guess she and Max hooked up last night."
33562,117,6,5,"Ted from 2030: Kids, as you may remember, Max was a friend of Marshall's from law school... with whom Robin was really starting to hit it off."
33563,117,6,5,Marshall: Nice! I love that guy. Max is both his name and his level of awesomeness.
33564,117,6,5,"Lily: Yeah. He's a sweet guy. She feels really comfortable with him. They bonded over hockey. I guess he has a small pen1s, but they want to double-date next weekend."
33565,117,6,5,Marshall: Why would you tell me that?
33566,117,6,5,Lily: So you'll clear your schedule.
33567,117,6,5,Marshall: No! The other part!
33568,117,6,5,"Lily: Oh, the small pen1s thing?"
33569,117,6,5,"Marshall: Ah! Don't! Stop saying that! Why do you keep saying that? You... I don't want to know that. I'm not going to be able to look the guy in the eye. I'm certainly not going to be able to call him ""Max."""
33570,117,6,5,"Lily: That's insane. I mean, just because you know Max has a small pen1s..."
33571,117,6,5,Marshall: Just don't!
33572,117,6,5,The Bar
33573,117,6,5,Barney: You're kidding me.
33574,117,6,5,"Ted: I'm sorry. I can't do this if it means tearing down The Arcadian. It's an architectural landmark. Plus, people live there. How does GNB plan to get hundreds of residents to just up and leave?"
33575,117,6,5,Barney: Snakes.
33576,117,6,5,"Ted: Did you just say ""snakes""?"
33577,117,6,5,"Barney: I don't recall saying ""snakes"". Ted, I know you love crappy old stuff no one cares about. But I'm gonna give you four words to live by: New is always better."
33578,117,6,5,Ted: New is always better?
33579,117,6,5,Barney: You know who's a million times hotter than the hottest girl I've ever slept with? Her okay-looking friend I haven't seen naked. Why? Because new is always better.
33580,117,6,5,Ted: Mm-hmm? And this theory applies to everything?
33581,117,6,5,Barney: Everything.
33582,117,6,5,"Ted: So, those new Star Wars movies... Those are better than the old ones?"
33583,117,6,5,Barney: Yeah. The first three barely mention the intricacies of intergalactic trade law.
33584,117,6,5,"Ted: And when you're at a Guns n' Roses concert, you're like, ""Yeah, yeah, Paradise City, whatever. When are they gonna rock me some Chinese Democracy""?"
33585,117,6,5,"Barney: Axl's really matured as a songwriter, Ted."
33586,117,6,5,Ted: Wendy! I'd like to buy my friend a drink. What's your oldest Scotch?
33587,117,6,5,"Wendy: Glenmckenna, aged 30 years in oak casks."
33588,117,6,5,Ted: Amazing. And what's your newest scotch?
33589,117,6,5,Wendy: Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch. Don't let it touch your skin.
33590,117,6,5,"Ted: Your call, buddy."
33591,117,6,5,"Barney: A glass of the J-Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch sounds lovely. Lots of ice. New is always better, Ted! That's a rule. Just like bigger is always better!"
33592,117,6,5,(Marshall and Lily come in)
33593,117,6,5,"Marshall: Pff. That's not true. Uh, sometimes smaller is better. ""Hey, look how big my cell phone is!"" You don't hear people say that. No. You want something compact and efficient that fits comfortably in your pocket, and I think Max is just a great guy."
33594,117,6,5,Robin: Lily told you.
33595,117,6,5,Ted: Told him what?
33596,117,6,5,Lily: Max has a small pen1s.
33597,117,6,5,Barney: How can you speak of such things?
33598,117,6,5,Robin: Girls talk about everything.
33599,117,6,5,"Lily: Size, shape, left or right leaning orientation..."
33600,117,6,5,"Robin: Length, resemblance to a historical figure, such as Winston Churchill... Yes, that's one of you. Girth, grooming..."
33601,117,6,5,Barney: How can you speak of such things?
33602,117,6,5,"Lily: You're kidding. Barney, every time I mention a woman you don't know, the first thing you say is, ""Boobs?"" Not the complete sentence, ""Does she have big boobs?"" Which also would not be great. Just: ""Boobs?"""
33603,117,6,5,Barney: I do not do that.
33604,117,6,5,Lily: My friend Lori from work...
33605,117,6,5,Barney: Boobs? Damn it. But... seriously. Boobs?
33606,117,6,5,"Lily: So why is it okay for guys to talk about boobs, but the moment we bring up a topic like Max's small pen1s... I'm gonna pretend this conversation never happened."
33607,117,6,5,Marshall: Impossible. Max's pen1s is stuck in my brain like a splinter. Like a splinter-sized splinter.
33608,117,6,5,"Barney: Speaking of disappointing weenies... Ted, tell them what you told me."
33609,117,6,5,Ted: I want to ask the board at GNB to move the site for the new headquarters so we don't have to tear down a classic old building.
33610,117,6,5,"Barney: I still don't get this. Why, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, do you want to ruin... Wait a minute. Who's the girl?"
33611,117,6,5,Robin: Duh. Of course there's a girl.
33612,117,6,5,Ted: What? I... There's no g-girl. Why would you even... Her name is Zoey.
33613,117,6,5,Barney: Boobs?
33614,117,6,5,[FLASHBACK]
33615,117,6,5,(Ted is looking at the Arcadian when a woman stops next to him)
33616,117,6,5,"Woman: Beautiful building, right?"
33617,117,6,5,"Ted: Look, mister, you are very convincing, and I am very flattered. Confused, even. But I'm not looking..."
33618,117,6,5,Woman: I'm not a drag queen. But you definitely have me rethinking this eye shadow.
33619,117,6,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33620,117,6,5,"Ted: Not only is she funny, hot and genetically female, but get this..."
33621,117,6,5,[FLASHBACK]
33622,117,6,5,"Woman: Look at the Palladian windows, the rusticated stonework, the marble cornices..."
33623,117,6,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33624,117,6,5,Ted: She's an architecture nerd! A hot architecture nerd! That's the dream!
33625,117,6,5,Barney: Whose dream?
33626,117,6,5,Ted: We wound up talking for hours.
33627,117,6,5,[FLASHBACK]
33628,117,6,5,Woman: I love how old parts of the city are. Hmm. It makes me feel connected to history.
33629,117,6,5,Ted: Old is always better. I can't wait to be old.
33630,117,6,5,"Woman: Me, too. You can wear elastic everything. Your lipstick doesn't have to stay inside the lines."
33631,117,6,5,Ted: You can shoplift and pretend you're just confused.
33632,117,6,5,Woman: You could nap anywhere. Uh-huh. Even while driving. It's gonna be great. I can't wait to be all run-down and weathered and wrinkly.
33633,117,6,5,"Ted: Well, I'd say you got a pretty long wait."
33634,117,6,5,"Woman: That's sweet. It would be sweeter if you hadn't thought I was a tranny before, but it's still sweet."
33635,117,6,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33636,117,6,5,"Barney: Oh, Ted, that's so romantic. I want to fill a pillowcase with dead batteries and beat you with it."
33637,117,6,5,[FLASHBACK]
33638,117,6,5,"Woman: Hey, Ted, can I ask you something"
33639,117,6,5,Ted: Anything.
33640,117,6,5,"Woman: Will you sign this petition? Save The Arcadian"" We are gonna stop the bastards at Goliath National Bank from demolishing it. Will you support us?"
33641,117,6,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33642,117,6,5,Barney: And you said...?
33643,117,6,5,[FLASHBACK]
33644,117,6,5,Ted: Where do I sign?
33645,117,6,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33646,117,6,5,"Barney: Hmm. Grape scotch. Not bad. Ted, you only think The Arcadian needs to be saved because some pretty girl thinks that. And seriously... Boobs?"
33647,117,6,5,Ted: This isn't about the girl. It's about the building.
33648,117,6,5,"Barney: And what did this ""Zoey"" say when she found out that you're the one tearing down her beloved Arcadian? That you, Ted Mosby, are the Architect Of Destruction?"
33649,117,6,5,Marshall: Whoa! Sweet wrestling name alert.
33650,117,6,5,"Ted: Well... Uh, it's a... it's a funny thing about that..."
33651,117,6,5,[FLASHBACK]
33652,117,6,5,"Zoey: So what do you do, Ted?"
33653,117,6,5,Ted: I'm a veterinarian.
33654,117,6,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33655,117,6,5,Ted: What? I panicked!
33656,117,6,5,Barney: This whole Arcadian thing is classic Mosby. Changing your personality to fit some girl.
33657,117,6,5,Ted: I don't do that.
33658,117,6,5,[FLASHBACKS]
33659,117,6,5,"Ted: Well, off to meet Steph. We're adrenaline junkies! [...]Penelope is taking me to the Battle of Gettysburg. We're gonna eat squirrel! [...] (Ted enters the living room, dressed up as a wizard) Look, she's really hot, okay?"
33660,117,6,5,[END OF FLASHBACKS]
33661,117,6,5,Ted: Aww! Come on! Come on! We all change a little for whoever we're into. Barney pretended to be a rabbi to get laid.
33662,117,6,5,Barney: Asian girls love them some Jews.
33663,117,6,5,Ted: And Marshall never would've listened to The Indigo Girls if it weren't for Lily.
33664,117,6,5,"Lily: Um, I think you got that backwards there, Chief."
33665,117,6,5,Marshall: And you're welcome.
33666,117,6,5,"Ted: The point is, you weren't pretending to like the Indigo Girls for the other person. You realized you liked them because of the other person. Just like me, Zoey and The Arcadian. Did GNB really put snakes in The Arcadian?"
33667,117,6,5,"Barney: No. Technically, they were eggs."
33668,117,6,5,"Ted: Did you just say ""eggs""?"
33669,117,6,5,"Barney: I don't recall saying ""eggs."""
33670,117,6,5,
33671,117,6,5,The restaurant
33672,117,6,5,"Max: So I walk into my boss's office and suddenly I realize, ""Holy crap, I'm about to quit"""""
33673,117,6,5,"Marshall, thinking: Small pen1s. You have a small pen1s. Oh, that's super interesting, but you have a small pen1s. Damn it, Marshall! Okay. Okay. Think of any two words other than ""small"" or ""pen1s"". Got it: small pen1s. Damn it!"
33674,117,6,5,"Robin: Yeah, I-I think it is so cool that you started your own law firm."
33675,117,6,5,"Max: Well, right now it's a pretty small practice."
33676,117,6,5,"Marshall: Hey, hey. I bet it's not that small."
33677,117,6,5,"Max: Bro, it's... pretty small."
33678,117,6,5,"Marshall: Yeah, but, uh, you know what they say. The important thing is-is how you use it, you know? ""The motion of the ocean."" That whole thing."
33679,117,6,5,"Robin: He said it's small, Marshall, and everybody's fine with that. Let's just move on."
33680,117,6,5,Marshall: I'm just saying that I bet it's bigger than he thinks. And thick.
33681,117,6,5,"Max: Nah. Everything about it is tiny. The office is tiny. The conference room is tiny. Plus, I got a very small staff."
33682,117,6,5,Robin: Let's order!
33683,117,6,5,Ted's appartment
33684,117,6,5,Ted from 2030: As I was mustering the courage to call Zoey and tell her my true identity...
33685,117,6,5,Ted: Zoey... I'm Batman. Hmm. That'd be cool.
33686,117,6,5,Ted from 2030:...the strangest thing happened.
33687,117,6,5,(Someone is knocking at the door)
33688,117,6,5,Zoey: I need your help. (They go outside. Zoey opens the back doors of a truck) Just to warn you. What I'm about to show you is not a hundred percent legal.
33689,117,6,5,Ted: Wasn't expecting bunnies.
33690,117,6,5,"Zoey: I stole them, Ted. My animal rights group liberated these guys from an evil cosmetics company. And I figured, ""Hey, Ted's a vet. He can check them out and make sure they're okay."""
33691,117,6,5,Ted: Absolutely. Just let me run up and get my bag of vet supplies. Okay. Why would I say that?
33692,117,6,5,The restaurant
33693,117,6,5,"Max: Well, I know what I'm getting.Oh? Oh?The porterhouse. I've had it here before. It is like this. It's huge."
33694,117,6,5,"Marshall: Well, spare no expense, buddy. Dinner is on me, and-and get dessert. Maybe this molten chocolate lava cake? I just want you to be happy."
33695,117,6,5,"Max: Thanks, man. Next time, it is on me. Aw. Excuse me. I'll be right back. All right."
33696,117,6,5,Robin: Totally.
33697,117,6,5,Marshall: We'll just be here. (He gives a hug to Max)You're great.
33698,117,6,5,"Max: Ah. Thanks, bro. It's, uh.... it's going on a while."
33699,117,6,5,Marshall: I know.
33700,117,6,5,Max: Thanks.
33701,117,6,5,"Lily: Damn, baby, be cool!"
33702,117,6,5,Robin: You're acting like he has six months to live.
33703,117,6,5,Marshall: It's your fault! You ladies and your salty sailor talk!
33704,117,6,5,"Robin: Oh, come on! What about you men and your locker room talk?"
33705,117,6,5,Marshall: Locker room talk. Do you want to know what it's like in a men's locker room?
33706,117,6,5,[FLASHBACK]
33707,117,6,5,Marshall: It's just a bunch of uncomfortable dudes trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. And one old guy just letting it all hang out.
33708,117,6,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33709,117,6,5,Lily: Are you suggesting that guys don't talk about s*x?
33710,117,6,5,"Marshall: Yes, we do, but you know what we say? ""I hit that.""""I got some.""""I tapped it."" ""I squeezed those."" Discreet and efficient."
33711,117,6,5,Robin: Not to mention classy.
33712,117,6,5,"Marshall: Thank God that I'm not dating. If I thought that Lily talked in that much detail about our s*x life, I'd probably kill myself. Oh, no. What did you tell her?"
33713,117,6,5,"Lily: Oh, nothing. We don't talk about you!"
33714,117,6,5,Marshall: Are you sure?
33715,117,6,5,Robin: Yeah. That argument has no traction whatsoever.
33716,117,6,5,At the back of Zoey's truck
33717,117,6,5,Ted: You just broke in and stole these guys? Aren't you worried about getting arrested?
33718,117,6,5,Zoey: Nah. I've been arrested lots of times. Chinese Democracy.
33719,117,6,5,Ted: Wow. You're a little bit crazy.
33720,117,6,5,"Zoey: Well, I'm usually crazy for a good cause. I can't just sit by while voiceless people or animals, r even buildings et screwed over. 'm certainly not going o just sit by hile GNB turns The Arcadian nto a soulless metal box."
33721,117,6,5,"Ted: Yeah. Yeah. Although I hear there's a lovely rooftop patio where folks can enjoy a nice bag lunch, so..."
33722,117,6,5,"Zoey: Ted, I will find the bastards at GNB responsible for this, and I promise you, I will take them down."
33723,117,6,5,Barney's office
33724,117,6,5,"Barney: Ted, this woman is an anarchist, a sociopath, a lunatic, and for the love of God, boobs?!"
33725,117,6,5,"Ted: Solid C-cup, perky bounce."
33726,117,6,5,Barney: Momentary grudging respect.
33727,117,6,5,"Ted: Zoey does what she believes is right, and I want to do the same thing. We have to find a new site for this building."
33728,117,6,5,"Barney: Ted, that is never gonna happen."
33729,117,6,5,"Ted: Well, I can't tear down The Arcadian. I'm sorry, but I'm off the project."
33730,117,6,5,In the street
33731,117,6,5,"Zoey: Hey, guys! I appreciate the great turnout, but just so we're all on the same page, this is not a rally to legalize marijuana."
33732,117,6,5,"Man: Oh, bummer!"
33733,117,6,5,Ted: Hey.
33734,117,6,5,"Zoey: Hey, Ted. I'm so glad you came."
33735,117,6,5,"Ted: Well, you really got to me the other night. I want to get involved with ""Save The Arcadian."""
33736,117,6,5,"Zoey: Great. I'll grab you a picket sign. Hmm. Do you want ""GNB puts the douche in fiduciary..""...or ""It's always 4:20 somewhere""? Dudes, you forgot your signs!"
33737,117,6,5,"Ted from 2030: As I looked up at that magnificent old structure, I realized I wasn't letting my feelings for Zoey mislead me. This building really was worth saving."
33738,117,6,5,"Zoey: Ted, everything okay? Yea... um... um... You work for GNB?"
33739,117,6,5,"Man: Dude, why are you dressed like a wizard?"
33740,117,6,5,"Ted: She was really hot, okay?"
33741,117,6,5,The appartment
33742,117,6,5,"(Barney is on the couch, holding a rabbit)"
33743,117,6,5,Ted: How the hell could you do that?
33744,117,6,5,Barney: Simple. I rented the chair. The bunny was here already. That was lucky. I waited to do the dramatic swivel until I heard your key enter the door.
33745,117,6,5,"Ted: The billboard, Barney."
33746,117,6,5,"Barney: I had to. Now that you have no shot with the girl, you'll realize you never cared about the building, and everything can go back to normal."
33747,117,6,5,Ted: You're wrong. I do care. And I'm still quitting.
33748,117,6,5,"Barney: Don't you get it, Ted? We're tearing down The Arcadian either way. It's a stupid old piece-of-crap, run-down, snake-infested dump!"
33749,117,6,5,"Ted: Okay, are there or aren't there snakes?!"
33750,117,6,5,Barney: Who mentioned snakes?! And stop shouting! You're scaring Cottontail.
33751,117,6,5,Ted: You named the rabbit?
33752,117,6,5,"Barney: You took longer to get here than I thought, we bonded, I'm keeping her. The point is, you now have a chance to design your own building. Dude, you can do whatever you want with it."
33753,117,6,5,Ted: You're right. You're right. I can design it however I want.
33754,117,6,5,Barney: So you're back in?
33755,117,6,5,Ted: Yeah.
33756,117,6,5,"Ted from 2030: That night, as I worked on a new design that just might solve all my problems... Marshall was visited by a disturbing vision."
33757,117,6,5,Lily's and Marshall's bedroom
33758,117,6,5,(Marshall is thinking about what Robin and Lily couuld talk about)
33759,117,6,5,"Lily: Ugh, he thinks I like this...But it feels disgusting."
33760,117,6,5,"Robin: Uh, it looks disgusting."
33761,117,6,5,"Marshall: Uh, is this working for you?"
33762,117,6,5,"Lily: ""Uh, is this working for you?"""
33763,117,6,5,"Robin: Oh, of course, because what woman doesn't like being slobbered on while some giant paws at her nether regions like Lenny from Of Mice and Men?"
33764,117,6,5,"Lily: Oh, you're bad."
33765,117,6,5,Robin: More Cosmos?
33766,117,6,5,Marshall: I can't... I can't do this! I can't stop thinking about you and Robin!
33767,117,6,5,"Lily: Oh, I've had that a couple times. Just lean into it and let it fuel things."
33768,117,6,5,"Marshall: Look, no. You know what? Why don't you just... Why don't you just call Robin, okay, and have a good laugh about it? Whoa! Traction could have prevented that."
33769,117,6,5,At the Arcadian
33770,117,6,5,"Zoey: Well, hope you don't mind, we made some changes to the billboard."
33771,117,6,5,"Ted: Well, that explains a few voicemails. Listen, Zoey, I think we can save The Arcadian. No. Maybe not in the way you were picturing, but I stayed up all night working on a new concept, all right? What if my design could incorporate The Arcadian's facade into the new GNB headquarters?"
33772,117,6,5,"Ted from 2030: Kids, it was one of those moments in life where everything comes together... the girl, the building, everything, until..."
33773,117,6,5,Ted: Are you married?
33774,117,6,5,"Zoey: Yeah. So you were saying, the facade will be completely preserved?"
33775,117,6,5,[FLASHBACK]
33776,117,6,5,Ted: This isn't about the girl. It's about the building.
33777,117,6,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33778,117,6,5,"Ted: Yeah, it was about the girl."
33779,117,6,5,"Zoey: Ted, wh-wh-what are you doing?"
33780,117,6,5,"Ted: This wouldn't work. Zoey, The Arcadian was a really great building once, but it's falling apart, and it's full of snakes."
33781,117,6,5,Zoey: Snakes?
33782,117,6,5,Ted: I don't recall saying snakes.
33783,117,6,5,Lily is on the phone
33784,117,6,5,"Lily: Then he gets this panicked look on his face, says, ""I can't do this,"" and storms out."
33785,117,6,5,"Robin: Wow, that is weird."
33786,117,6,5,Lily: But here's the crazier part.
33787,117,6,5,[FLASHBACK]
33788,117,6,5,Marshall: No. You know what? Papa don't back down from a fight. So why don't you tell Robin... about this!
33789,117,6,5,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33790,117,6,5,"Lily: It was amazing. He was passionate, animalistic, a complete stud."
33791,117,6,5,"Robin: Wow. So he's right there making you say all this, huh?"
33792,117,6,5,"Lily: Yup. ""'You're like a Greek god, I moaned, as the..."" I can't read that, baby."
33793,117,6,5,"Marshall: ""Musky scent of man."""
33794,117,6,5,"Lily: ""As the musky scent of man and Marshall's sure-footed traction intoxicated and overpowered me."""
33795,117,6,5,Robin: That sounds real.
33796,117,6,5,Ted's appartment
33797,117,6,5,"Ted from 2030: And as for Zoey, it was funny. I'd lied to her, then completely let her down. And I barely knew the girl. But there was something about her. I couldn't help but wonder if I'd ever see her again."
33798,117,6,5,(An egg comes crashing on the window)
33799,117,6,5,"Zoey: Hey, Mosby! You're gonna have to come out of your hole at some point, you son of a bitch! Yeah! Legalize it! Dude! Ready. Aim. Fire!"
33800,117,6,5,"Ted from 2030: Why, yes. Yes, I would see her again."
33801,117,6,5,The lockroom
33802,117,6,5,Marshall: How's it going with Robin?
33803,117,6,5,"Max: Uh, I think I have to break up with her."
33804,117,6,5,Marshall: Really? Why? You with her?
33805,117,6,5,"Max: Yeah, well, there's this... kind of weird thing she likes to do in the bedroom."
33806,117,6,5,"Ted: Hey, what's not for everyone?"
33807,117,6,5,"Marshall: Guys, come on. What is it?"
33808,117,6,5,"Max: Come on, bro. This is a locker room."
33809,117,6,5,"Marshall: I... What do you think it was, Murray?"
33810,118,6,6,"Ted from 2030: Kids, in the fall of 2010, our friends Stuart and Claudia had a baby, and Marshall and Lily were the first to visit the happy new parents."
33811,118,6,6,Marshall's and Lily's friends' appartment
33812,118,6,6,"Marshall: So, have you guys landed on a name yet?"
33813,118,6,6,"Stuart: We're trying, but it's tougher than you think. You see, I like ""Tiffany."""
33814,118,6,6,Claudia: And I don't want my daughter to have a whore's name.
33815,118,6,6,Stuart: That's my mother's name.
33816,118,6,6,Claudia: I know.
33817,118,6,6,"Stuart: Oh, I got it. How 'bout we name the baby after you-- ""Frigid Shrew."""
33818,118,6,6,"Claudia: Oh, that's good. No, no, no, no. Let's call her ""Vodka."" Then at least we know you'd hold her tight and never let her go!"
33819,118,6,6,Stuart: Don't knock the vodka. Wouldn't have a kid without it.
33820,118,6,6,"Marshall: Stuart, you are so... That's not gonna be us, right? I mean, how hard can it be to name a baby?"
33821,118,6,6,"Lily: Right? I mean, just look at her. Yeah. She's clearly a..."
33822,118,6,6,Marshall: Emily.
33823,118,6,6,Lily: Lisa.
33824,118,6,6,Marshall: Lisa?!
33825,118,6,6,Lily: Emily?!
33826,118,6,6,[OPENING CREDITS]
33827,118,6,6,The Bar
33828,118,6,6,Marshall: Okay! I made a list of awesome baby names. Starting at the top: number one...
33829,118,6,6,"Ted: I'm gonna stop you right here, Marshall. You name a chubby white kid ""LeBron,"" and he's the one getting stuffed in the basketball hoop."
33830,118,6,6,"Marshall: Then I'm also crossing off, um, ""Shaquille""... Mm-hmm. ""Hakeem,"" and ""Dikembe."" Hey, what about ""Rob""?"
33831,118,6,6,"Lily: ""Rob""? No."
33832,118,6,6,Marshall: Why not?
33833,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
33834,118,6,6,(Lily is in class)
33835,118,6,6,"Lily: Hey, Rob. What are you gonna make? A turkey?"
33836,118,6,6,(Rob puts his hand on Lily's breast)
33837,118,6,6,"Rob: Honka, honka!"
33838,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33839,118,6,6,"Lily: Not ""Rob."""
33840,118,6,6,"Marshall: um, how about ""Ryan""?"
33841,118,6,6,Ted: Ooh.
33842,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
33843,118,6,6,"(all screaming, Lily has a something stuck in her leg)"
33844,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33845,118,6,6,"Lily: Not ""Ryan."""
33846,118,6,6,"Marshall: ""Johnny?"""
33847,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
33848,118,6,6,"Lily: Hey, where's the goldfish?"
33849,118,6,6,(A child is eating the fish)
33850,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33851,118,6,6,"Lily: Not ""Johnny."" Or ""Gil."""
33852,118,6,6,"Marshall: ""Jeremy."""
33853,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
33854,118,6,6,"Lily: Jeremy, no!"
33855,118,6,6,(Jeremy is throwing paint around the room)
33856,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33857,118,6,6,"Lily: Definitely not ""Jeremy."" His stuff was so derivative."
33858,118,6,6,(Robin comes in and sits next to Ted)
33859,118,6,6,"Marshall: Well, I mean, geez, Lily."
33860,118,6,6,"Robin: Well, whatever you do, do not name your baby ""Becky,"" right?"
33861,118,6,6,Marshall: Why? What?
33862,118,6,6,Robin: Becky. My new co-anchor? Don't you guys ever watch the show?
33863,118,6,6,"Lily: Oh, honey, I really try."
33864,118,6,6,Marshall: Our DVR won't recognize it as a television program.
33865,118,6,6,"Ted: I watched. Robin insisted I confirm how ""awful"" Becky is, so last night I checked it out."
33866,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
33867,118,6,6,"Robin: Peace talks in the region have been described as, ""productive."" Becky?"
33868,118,6,6,"Becky: (in baby voice): Last night, in Staten Island, a taco cart owner was robbed at gunpoint. Aww... That's so sad."
33869,118,6,6,"Robin: Becky, we're-we're journalists. We can't get emotional about the news, we..."
33870,118,6,6,"Becky: Oh, no! They stole all his money and then pelted him with his own taco meat! Who would do that?"
33871,118,6,6,"Robin: Well, if you read the story, we might find out."
33872,118,6,6,"Becky: Oh, can I do this one, about the horse? I love horseys. Mm-hmm. Aww, the horse died. Guys! This news is all really sad."
33873,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33874,118,6,6,"Robin: Okay, no holds barred-- what'd you think of Becky?"
33875,118,6,6,Ted: Mmm... (muttering) I thought she was charming.
33876,118,6,6,"Robin: You, too? Can somebody please explain to me why the little girl act works on men?"
33877,118,6,6,Barney: You want the long version or the short version?
33878,118,6,6,Lily: Short version.
33879,118,6,6,Barney: Short version. Who's your daddy?
33880,118,6,6,"Lily: You know, when you think about that, that phrase is really creepy."
33881,118,6,6,"Marshall: No, it's not. It's fun. Here, watch this. Hey, Lily... Who's your daddy?"
33882,118,6,6,"Robin: Okay, uh, let me get this straight. So, in, uh, in this scenario, because you make such sweet love to Lily, she is now your daughter."
33883,118,6,6,"Marshall: No, she is not my daughter. I'm just her daddy."
33884,118,6,6,Ted: Wow. That is disgusting.
33885,118,6,6,"Robin: Exactly. And it's not like the opposite would work. There's no way a guy could pick up a girl, going around talking like a little boy."
33886,118,6,6,Barney: Challenge accepted.
33887,118,6,6,Robin: No.
33888,118,6,6,"Barney: I, Barney Stinson, will pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy."
33889,118,6,6,(all grumbling in protest)
33890,118,6,6,Lily: Okay. Here's my list of baby names.
33891,118,6,6,Marshall: Oh.
33892,118,6,6,"Lily: What about ""Tara""?"
33893,118,6,6,"Marshall: No. Not ""Tara."" Tara was the hottest girl in my high school. We were all, like, obsessed with her."
33894,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
33895,118,6,6,Marshall: We didn't just talk about her and fantasize about her... We wrote songs about her.
33896,118,6,6,"Marshall and his friends, singing: * Tara, your booty is so smooth; And I hope this isn't rude; But I want to get up on it. *"
33897,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33898,118,6,6,"Marshall: Not ""Tara."""
33899,118,6,6,"Lily: What about ""Esther""?"
33900,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
33901,118,6,6,"Announcer: Gentlemen, gentlemen. Coming up on the main stage, give it up for Esther!"
33902,118,6,6,"Marshall: Oh. Oh. Hey, Barney. That prime rib was surprisingly good, but it's 10:30 in the morning. I don't need to see a lady get naked and dance."
33903,118,6,6,"Barney: Oh, Esther gets naked. But she doesn't dance."
33904,118,6,6,Marshall: Then what does she do? Sweet mother nature!
33905,118,6,6,Barney: That was my card!
33906,118,6,6,"Announcer: Gentlemen, gentlemen. Give it up for Esther!"
33907,118,6,6,"(explosive pop, men cheering and whistling)"
33908,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33909,118,6,6,"Marshall: Not ""Esther."" I need a drink. Ted? Ted?"
33910,118,6,6,(Marshall and Ted go away)
33911,118,6,6,"Ted: Marshall, your list is entirely boy names. You do realize there's roughly a 50% chance of you having a daughter, right?"
33912,118,6,6,"Marshall: Okay, honestly, I've never thought about having a girl. I don't want to think about having a girl. Tara, Esther -- can you imagine being one of those girls' dads?"
33913,118,6,6,(Marshall is visualizing high school boys singing a song for his daughter:
33914,118,6,6,* Marshall's daughter; Your booty; Your booty's so smooth. *;
33915,118,6,6,then in a club:
33916,118,6,6,"Announcer: Gentlemen, gentlemen. On the main stage, give it up for Marshall's daughter.)"
33917,118,6,6,He screwed up my childhood. That's why I do this.
33918,118,6,6,"Marshall: I have no idea how to raise a daughter! What if she makes bad choices? I mean, what if she winds up dating some... Oh, God."
33919,118,6,6,"Marshall's daughter: Papa, I want you to meet my new boyfriend."
33920,118,6,6,"Barney: Hey, bro. Thanks for making such a hottie. (weak laughter) Who's your daddy?"
33921,118,6,6,"Marshall's daughter:You are, 'cause of all the s*x we have."
33922,118,6,6,(Barney chuckles salaciously)
33923,118,6,6,Marshall: I don't want a girl. I just want a little boy.
33924,118,6,6,"Ted: It's not what it sounds like, folks."
33925,118,6,6,Marshall is on a visio conference with his parents
33926,118,6,6,"Marshall: Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad."
33927,118,6,6,Judy: Marshall? Is that you?
33928,118,6,6,"Marshall:Oh, okay, um... You guys, you're a little too close to the camera. Can you back up a bit?"
33929,118,6,6,Marvin: How's this?
33930,118,6,6,"Marshall: Every time. Um, can you just sit in front of the computer like normal human beings? Perfect! Perfect."
33931,118,6,6,"Marvin: What's up, shooter?"
33932,118,6,6,"Marshall: Um, to be honest, I'm getting a little freaked out about the idea of having a daughter. I know you two probably aren't the right people to talk to about this. You had all boys."
33933,118,6,6,"Marvin: Oh, well, that was just dumb luck. Hey, honey, would you get me a brewski from out of the shed?"
33934,118,6,6,"Judy: Sure. You want anything, Marshall?"
33935,118,6,6,"Marshall: I'm in a computer, Mom."
33936,118,6,6,Judy: Oh.
33937,118,6,6,"Marvin: Yeah, all boys. Total co-winky-dink. It was no co-winky-dink. Since the Viking age, the Eriksen men have passed down ancient secrets for conceiving boys. Number one, avoid lemons. They're baby girl fertilizer."
33938,118,6,6,"Marshall: Okay... No offense, Dad, but I doubt there's any scientific data to support--"
33939,118,6,6,"Marvin: ""I doubt there's any scientific data to support.."""" I had all sons. Your grandfather had all sons. Your great-grandfather had all sons. Scoreboard! Who you gonna listen to? Me? Or ""scientific data""?"
33940,118,6,6,Robin's work place
33941,118,6,6,Robin: Members of the G-8 convened today in Vienna to discuss plans to fight climate change by re... What?
33942,118,6,6,Becky: Ask me what I did yesterday.
33943,118,6,6,"Robin: Hey, Becky, Becky, this is our news segment, okay? Nobody cares what you did yesterday."
33944,118,6,6,"Becky: Lighten up, Robin. (in baby voice): What'd you do, sweetheart?"
33945,118,6,6,Robin: Mike!
33946,118,6,6,"Becky: Well, I'm new in town and don't know many people. But yesterday, I met the sweetest man, who took me on a tour of the city. (whispering) Guys, New York is kind of cool."
33947,118,6,6,"Robin: Okay, back to the G-8 conference. Hello? Mike, can I get in the shot? Fantastic."
33948,118,6,6,"Becky: Then this cutie patootie took me to this bar called MacLaren's, right underneath his apartment."
33949,118,6,6,Robin:Wait-- did you go out with Ted Mosby?
33950,118,6,6,"Becky: Yes! Guys, I went out with Robin's roommate. I saw her bedroom. (whispering) She's a messy Bessie."
33951,118,6,6,"Robin:In other news, later today, a Manhattan architect gets punched in the throat."
33952,118,6,6,
33953,118,6,6,The Bar
33954,118,6,6,Ted: Ow!
33955,118,6,6,"Robin: Ted, of all the women in New York, you had to go out with an eight-year-old girl?"
33956,118,6,6,"Ted: Not what it sounds like, folks."
33957,118,6,6,"Robin: Ted, you know that I hate her. How could you go out on a date with this girl?"
33958,118,6,6,Ted: It wasn't a date. She came over to the apartment looking for you.
33959,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
33960,118,6,6,"Becky: I made Robin my famous chocolate chip cookies. But instead of chocolate chips, I used gummie bears."
33961,118,6,6,Ted: Aww...
33962,118,6,6,Becky: (shrieks) A spider!
33963,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33964,118,6,6,"Robin: Let me guess: she acted like a helpless little girl, and you stepped in as the big, strong man."
33965,118,6,6,Ted: I don't know if that's totally true.
33966,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
33967,118,6,6,"Ted: It's okay, little darlin'."
33968,118,6,6,Becky: Poor spider.
33969,118,6,6,"Ted: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Spiders gotta die so trees can grow."
33970,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33971,118,6,6,"Ted: Then I held her tight and told her it was all gonna be okay. By the way, I think I only wounded the spider. It crawled off into my bedroom."
33972,118,6,6,Robin: Wait. Is that why you slept on the couch last night?
33973,118,6,6,"Ted: (scoffing) Yeah, I slept."
33974,118,6,6,Barney: I'm dying out here. Talking like a little boy is not working with the ladies.
33975,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
33976,118,6,6,"Barney: (in childlike voice) Wow, lady. You got some tig ol' bitties! Gosh! Your body's a perfect... this many. (To another girl) Hi. Do you want to wrestle with our special bathing suit places? Come on!"
33977,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33978,118,6,6,Lily's and Marshall's appartment
33979,118,6,6,"Marshall: Mm, I just need two seconds, baby."
33980,118,6,6,"Lily: I know you think that's a compliment, but I'd rather you took your time."
33981,118,6,6,"Marshall: No, um... I'll be right back."
33982,118,6,6,(Marshall goes into the bathroom et takes a box from the bathtub)
33983,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
33984,118,6,6,"Marvin: Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that, to sire a son, you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden. First, eat pickled herring. Eat it!"
33985,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
33986,118,6,6,"Marshall: This is ridiculous. (He imagines his daughter, pregnant et in a wedding gown)"
33987,118,6,6,"ANNOUNCER: Gentlemen, gentlemen, on the main stage, throwing her life away, give it up for Marshall's daughter!"
33988,118,6,6,The Bar
33989,118,6,6,"Barney: (little boy voice) Hey, want to have a three-way with me and my imaginary friend? His name's Otis. Hey, hey, want to come to my house and play telephone? I got the string; you got the cans. (giggles) I wet myself! Will you change me? Can't blame her on that one. Guys... I have some terrible, terrible news. I, Barney Stinson, can't pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy. Challenge forfeited."
33990,118,6,6,"Robin: Yeah, we don't care about this..."
33991,118,6,6,"Ted: No one challenged you, so it wasn't really a challenge."
33992,118,6,6,Barney: (whispers) I'm sorry.
33993,118,6,6,"Man: Hey, Gerard, what's with that shirt? Nobody could pick up a chick wearing that thing."
33994,118,6,6,Barney: Challenge accept...
33995,118,6,6,"Ted: Wow, I'm glad that's over. It was creepy watching Barney talk like a little kid."
33996,118,6,6,"Robin: Oh, but you find it irresistible when Becky does? I don't get it. The Ted that I went out with was attracted to the kind of woman who could use a steak knife without supervision."
33997,118,6,6,"Ted: For your information, Becky doesn't like steak, she likes pasghetti. Spaghetti. And more importantly, she makes me feel needed."
33998,118,6,6,Robin: Needed? (scoffs) She makes training wheels feel needed.
33999,118,6,6,"Ted: Hey, it's nice to feel needed. And you know what? It's not a feeling guys get when they're with you."
34000,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
34001,118,6,6,Marvin: Son... Viking lore tells us that to ensure the continuation of your noble male lineage... get a big old bowl of ice and dunk your man sack right in there!
34002,118,6,6,Judy: You two and your football.
34003,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34004,118,6,6,Marshall: Okay. (He dunks your man sack in a big old bowl of ice) Mm-hmm.
34005,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
34006,118,6,6,"Marvin: Now get in there, point Lily due north and make me a grandson! Eriksen!"
34007,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34008,118,6,6,Marshall: Eriksen!
34009,118,6,6,(Marshall goes out of the bathroom)
34010,118,6,6,The Bar
34011,118,6,6,"Robin: When we were dating, I... I didn't make you feel needed?"
34012,118,6,6,Ted: Come on! You always took charge of everything.
34013,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
34014,118,6,6,(Ted takes the pizza and is going to pay for it when Robin arrives)
34015,118,6,6,Robin: I got this.
34016,118,6,6,Ted: Thanks.
34017,118,6,6,"(Later, on the couch)"
34018,118,6,6,Ted: This okay? Am I hurting y...
34019,118,6,6,Robin: I got this. Whoa!
34020,118,6,6,(Later)
34021,118,6,6,Ted: Someone's trying to break in-- call the cops.
34022,118,6,6,"(Robin comes out of the room, a gun in her hand)"
34023,118,6,6,Robin: I got this.
34024,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34025,118,6,6,Robin: Did that really bother you?
34026,118,6,6,"Ted: Well, yeah. It's nice to be needed. Look, I'm sorry. (phone chimes) I didn't mean to upset you. It's Becky. Aw, she's trapped in a revolving door."
34027,118,6,6,Robin: I got this.
34028,118,6,6,Ted: Yeah.
34029,118,6,6,Lily's ans Marshall's bedroom
34030,118,6,6,Marshall: (goofy voice) Let's make a baby!
34031,118,6,6,"Lily: Whoa! Baby, you're packing snowballs, and your breath smells like a mermaid fart."
34032,118,6,6,"Marshall: Loving the dirty talk-- but you know what's even hotter? If we face this-a-way. Ooh, we're bad."
34033,118,6,6,"Lily: Wait... hey, baby, why are you facing me north? You're trying to make us have a boy."
34034,118,6,6,"Marshall: I... can ex... How do you know about the north thing? Um, um... And what are you doing with those lemons?"
34035,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
34036,118,6,6,Marvin: Baby girl fertilizer!
34037,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34038,118,6,6,Marshall: You're trying to make us have a girl! You are trying to make us have a girl.
34039,118,6,6,"Lily: All my least favorite students have been boys. So I Googled ""how to make a girl some really weird stuff came up but finally, I found this conception Web site that said you should point south at the moment of conception... eat a lemon......and heat up your lady parts to a balmy 105 degrees. (blow-dryer whooshing) Ooh... ah... Oh, that's not bad."
34040,118,6,6,"Marshall: Lily, how could you do... exactly the same thing I did? You're supposed to be the sane one."
34041,118,6,6,Lily: See that? Another boy expecting a woman to clean up his mistakes. That's why girls are way better than boys.
34042,118,6,6,"Marshall: Oh, really. Well, then how come whenever there's a creepy kid in a horror movie it's always a little girl? Or twin girls, who speak... (eerily): in unison."
34043,118,6,6,"Lily: Oh, well, what about Chucky?"
34044,118,6,6,"Marshall: Okay, A) He was a doll; B) He was possessed by an adult serial killer; and C) How could you bring up Chucky right before bed?"
34045,118,6,6,Robin is at Barney's door
34046,118,6,6,Robin: Hey.
34047,118,6,6,Barney: Hey.
34048,118,6,6,"Robin: Hey. Um, when we were dating, did... did I make you feel needed?"
34049,118,6,6,"Barney: No, I didn't feel like you needed me at all."
34050,118,6,6,"Robin: That's what I thought. Uh, I'm sorry."
34051,118,6,6,"Barney: Wait, where are you... That's a compliment. You are the least needy woman I've ever met-- that's awesome. I mean, no guy's gonna say ""Who's your daddy?"" to Robin Scherbatsky. You're your own daddy. And mommy. And weird survivalist uncle who lives in a cabin with a shotgun blaming stuff on the government. And that is what makes you the most... amazing, strong... independent woman I've ever banged."
34052,118,6,6,"Robin: Thanks, Barney. You know, um... there's something that I wanted to ask you, and I don't really know how to say it so... here goes. Who's the crazy chick in the apron?"
34053,118,6,6,Woman: (baby voice) Someone naughty left his toys on the floor and needs to be spanked on his tushy-tush.
34054,118,6,6,"Barney: (baby voice): Uh-oh, I'm in ""twubble."""
34055,118,6,6,Woman: You did it? How?
34056,118,6,6,"Barney: Last night, after admitting defeat, I just let myself go."
34057,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
34058,118,6,6,(Barney is eating an icecream at the bar)
34059,118,6,6,"Woman: Mmm, that looks so good. Can I have some?"
34060,118,6,6,Barney: No! It's my ice cream; you can't have any.
34061,118,6,6,Woman:(baby voice) Someone needs to teach you how to share. Who's your mommy?
34062,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34063,118,6,6,"Barney: Challenge completed! (chuckles) Now, uh, can you get this freak out of here? I'm really scared."
34064,118,6,6,Robin: I got this.
34065,118,6,6,At Stuart's and Claudia's
34066,118,6,6,"Lily: Oh, so you finally agreed on a name?"
34067,118,6,6,"Claudia: Uh, well,vthe other night she ran a really high fever."
34068,118,6,6,[FLASHBACK]
34069,118,6,6,(Stuart and Claudia are taking their girl to the hospital)
34070,118,6,6,"Stuart: We rushed her to the emergency room at 3:00 in the morning, but they wouldn't admit her without a name. Right then and there, we realized how stupid we were being."
34071,118,6,6,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34072,118,6,6,"Claudia: We looked at each other and, well, we just knew. Our baby's name is... Esther."
34073,118,6,6,Marshall: Esther? That's beautiful.
34074,118,6,6,Lily is throwing the lemons
34075,118,6,6,Lily: We're idiots.
34076,118,6,6,"Marshall: Baby, names and gender, it's just, like... it's some way of giving ourselves the illusion that we have any control whatsoever. I- I just want a healthy, happy, 12-pound--"
34077,118,6,6,Lily: Whoa.
34078,118,6,6,Marshall: Ten-pound? Eight-pound?
34079,118,6,6,"Lily: I guess, but, dude, you're writing checks my vagina can't cash."
34080,118,6,6,Marshall: I love you. And I'm gonna love the crap out of whatever baby we have.
34081,118,6,6,"Lily: Me, too."
34082,118,6,6,"Marshall: You know what? We should just think of a name that's good for either a girl or a boy. Like, um..."
34083,118,6,6,Marshall & Lily: Jamie.
34084,118,6,6,Lily: Marshall... we just named our baby. Jamie.
34085,118,6,6,The Bar
34086,118,6,6,Lily: Not Jamie.
34087,118,6,6,(Lily leaves the bar. She has two hand prints on her ass)
34088,118,6,6,Ted is offering an ice cream to Becky
34089,118,6,6,"Ted: Shoe's untied. I got it. Yeah, this is over."
34090,119,6,7,Ted's class
34091,119,6,7,"Ted: And so, due to one architectural oversight, the Toledo Bridge Disaster of 1906 claimed the lives of 75 people. Now, I hate to stop while I'm on a roll, but happy Halloween, ya crazies!"
34092,119,6,7,(class cheering)
34093,119,6,7,"Student #1: Hey, Professor Brosby, you gonna come get beers with us later?"
34094,119,6,7,"Ted: Nah, I got a thing. But you kids have fun trick or treating. This is a treat."
34095,119,6,7,"Student #2: You're the coolest, Professor Mosby. Well, hot dog."
34096,119,6,7,(class laughs)
34097,119,6,7,At the GNB halloween party
34098,119,6,7,Lily: Did it hurt?
34099,119,6,7,Ted: What?
34100,119,6,7,Lily: Getting that kid's nose surgically removed from your ass.
34101,119,6,7,"Ted: It's not her nose that's in my ass, Lily, it's her heart. My class loves me; I-I'm really making an impression on those guys. I'd like to make impression on those guys."
34102,119,6,7,"Barney: Man, I love the office Halloween party. It is so much sluttier than the office Christmas party. Though not as freaky as the office President's Day Rave. Or the office Tu B'Shvat Pajama Jammy-Jam."
34103,119,6,7,"Randy: Hey, guys."
34104,119,6,7,"Marshall: Hey, Randy. Uh, you want a beer?"
34105,119,6,7,"Randy: Oh, no, thank you. I brew my own. At the risk of bragging, my Hazelnut Pilsner won fourth prize at the Weehawken Retirement Home Clam Bake and Wheelchair Maintenance Picnic."
34106,119,6,7,Barney: I wouldn't consider any part of that bragging.
34107,119,6,7,"Randy: Hey, it just occurred to me, is your friend, what's her name? Garbin, Flabin..."
34108,119,6,7,Ted: Robin?
34109,119,6,7,"Randy: Robin. That's it, yeah. Is she gonna be here? Oh, not that I really care."
34110,119,6,7,Lily: Robin has another party to go to.
34111,119,6,7,Randy: No! Damn it! I'm leaving.
34112,119,6,7,Lily: But she might stop by later.
34113,119,6,7,"Randy: I guess I can hang out a little longer. So, anyone going to see the Halloween parade?"
34114,119,6,7,"Ted from 2030: Oh, we were big fans of New York's annual Halloween parade. I don't mean the one that takes place Halloween night in the Village. I mean the one that takes place the morning of November 1st, the Annual Post Halloween Walk of Shame Parade."
34115,119,6,7,On the porch of Ted's appartment
34116,119,6,7,"Marshall: Look at them heading home after their dirty, filthy hookups."
34117,119,6,7,Barney: (shudders) Looks like that bee got busy.
34118,119,6,7,Ted: Looks like that French maid didn't turn down somebody's bed.
34119,119,6,7,"Marshall: Oh, looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees."
34120,119,6,7,"Ted: Come on, Marshall."
34121,119,6,7,Barney: That's a line.
34122,119,6,7,"Marshall: No, it's because of the..."
34123,119,6,7,Ted: We get it.
34124,119,6,7,Barney: Does it get any better than this?
34125,119,6,7,"Ted: Uh, yes. (Robin arrives) Yes, it does."
34126,119,6,7,Robin: Crap.
34127,119,6,7,[OPENING CREDITS]
34128,119,6,7,The Bar:
34129,119,6,7,Barney: There she is Florence Night-In-Bed-With-A-Stranger.
34130,119,6,7,"Lily: So, who's the lucky patient?"
34131,119,6,7,Robin: I don't want to talk about it.
34132,119,6,7,Ted: Please tell me you're not hooking up with one of your co-anchors again.
34133,119,6,7,Robin: My co-anchor's a woman.
34134,119,6,7,Barney: Please tell me you are hooking up with one of your co-anchors again. (laughing)
34135,119,6,7,"Ted from 2030: Robin had always believed that the key to success was intelligence, hard work and professionalism. Her new co-anchor Becky had a different philosophy."
34136,119,6,7,[FLASHBACK]
34137,119,6,7,(techno music playing)
34138,119,6,7,Becky: Boats! Boats! Boats!
34139,119,6,7,"Announcer: It's the Farhampton Boat Show! Remember 5th, 6th and 7th at the Farhampton Civic Center. Come on down."
34140,119,6,7,Becky: B-B-B-Boats!
34141,119,6,7,Robin: You did a commercial?
34142,119,6,7,Becky: Why not?
34143,119,6,7,Robin: You're a journalist! Don't you want to be taken seriously?
34144,119,6,7,Becky: No. I'm cute.
34145,119,6,7,"Robin: Okay, well, if you really think this is going to help your image."
34146,119,6,7,"Mike: Hi, Becky. Boats, boats, boats! Robin, a little help here?"
34147,119,6,7,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34148,119,6,7,"Ted: Robin, you gotta not worry so much about being liked."
34149,119,6,7,"Robin: Oh, easy for you to say. Everybody loves you at your job."
34150,119,6,7,"Ted from 2030: That was true of my teaching job. But I was also designing the new headquarters for Goliath National Bank, and well..."
34151,119,6,7,"Zoey: Ted Mosby, we don't like you! What do you have to say for yourself, tearing down a beautiful, old building just to put up a stupid band headquarters?"
34152,119,6,7,Ted: Hmm... Boo... freakin'... hoo.
34153,119,6,7,Zoey: Boo freakin' hoo? That's it? The Arcadian is an architecturally significant...
34154,119,6,7,"Ted: Architecturally significant?! Zoey, you're very pretty. Your hair smells great."
34155,119,6,7,Zoey: Shampoo. You should try it sometime.
34156,119,6,7,Ted: You don't know the first thing about architecture.
34157,119,6,7,Zoey: Key - Ted Mosby's car. Go on.
34158,119,6,7,"Ted: I'm a professor, okay? I teach this stuff at one of the best colleges in the country. I don't go down to your place of non-employment and lecture you about how your little protest is a misguided waste of time, except whoops, I just did. Ha-burn."
34159,119,6,7,"Zoey: Oh, good, the eggs are here."
34160,119,6,7,"Ted: Well, I should head up."
34161,119,6,7,"Ted from 2030: No, GNB was not popular. That's why every year they produced a feel-good video to improve the bank's image."
34162,119,6,7,The GNB Headquarters
34163,119,6,7,"GNB announcer: What makes Goliath National Bank different from other big banks? Here at GNB, we care."
34164,119,6,7,Barney: I care about our precious Earth.
34165,119,6,7,Randy: I care about old people.
34166,119,6,7,"Man: I care about high-yield offshore investments. And so does Tugboat here. Isn't that right, Tugboat?"
34167,119,6,7,"Marshall: Yeah. Okay, get that camera out of my face before I flip you like a cheese omelet."
34168,119,6,7,"Barney: All you have to do is say ""I care about making dreams come true."""
34169,119,6,7,"Marshall: First of all, that line makes me sound like a hooker and saying it makes me feel like a hooker, so."
34170,119,6,7,Barney: Everyone is in this video. Randy's in the video.
34171,119,6,7,"Randy: I don't want to brag, but in 29 takes, I only threw up thrice."
34172,119,6,7,"Marshall: Wait. Randy, did you send the Hermanson contracts downtown?"
34173,119,6,7,Randy: I did. I sent them downtown. Why are you saying it like that?
34174,119,6,7,Marshall: They never arrived at the downtown office.
34175,119,6,7,"Randy: They... Well, just to make sure we're on the same page is ""send them downtown"" not an expression for shredding a document?"
34176,119,6,7,Marshall: You shredded them?!
34177,119,6,7,"Randy: Yeah. I sent them downtown. You know, down into the shredder. You-you feed the paper in a downwards fashion, so that's where the expression comes from."
34178,119,6,7,Marshall: That's not an expression! That has never been an expression!
34179,119,6,7,"Randy: Okay, I can fix this. I am all over this project."
34180,119,6,7,Barney: I'll say this: There is no quit in that guy. You should fire him.
34181,119,6,7,"Marshall: Okay, that, that right there. That attitude is exactly why I won't be in your video. Because GNB doesn't care. They hand out pink slips like they're hors d'oevres. Just last week, I was talking to Arthur..."
34182,119,6,7,[FLASHBACK]
34183,119,6,7,"Arthur: Oh, whoa, you're wearing a green tie now. I'm wearing a green tie."
34184,119,6,7,(elevator bell dings)
34185,119,6,7,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34186,119,6,7,"Marshall: GNB treats people like they're disposable, and I will not be a part of that. Marshall Eriksen does not fire people, period."
34187,119,6,7,"Randy: Uh, just want you to know, we are making good progress on this new project. (phone rings) Oh, you gentlemen keep talking, I will answer that. Marshall Eriksen's office. [...] Yeah, I can get that for you. [...] Just a second. Uh... bank. The ""B"" stands for bank. Okay, Mother, I'll see you tonight. Oh, yikes. I'd better get Mr. Messy a napkin. (loud clattering)"
34188,119,6,7,Marshall: Period.
34189,119,6,7,The Bar
34190,119,6,7,Lily: Just tell me who you slept with!
34191,119,6,7,"Robin: Lily, I don't want to get into it, okay?"
34192,119,6,7,"Lily: Aha, it's someone we know. If it was some ding dong we didn't know, you'd just give me his name."
34193,119,6,7,Robin: Fine. It's Bill Pepper.
34194,119,6,7,Lily: Bill Pepper? Mm-hmm. Kind of a coincidence there happens to be a bill and a pepper shaker here on the table. Any chance you and Bill had a three-way with Fork Napkin? It's someone we know!
34195,119,6,7,Ted's class
34196,119,6,7,"Ted: So, I'm assuming you all read the chapters on the Greek Revival architecture. Any questions?"
34197,119,6,7,Zoey: Yes. How do you sleep at night?
34198,119,6,7,Ted: What are you doing here?
34199,119,6,7,"Zoey: It was recently made clear to me that I don't know the first thing about architecture, so here I am."
34200,119,6,7,"Ted: Very well, then, let's get started. (clears throat) Some examples of Greek Revival architecture..."
34201,119,6,7,Zoey: Ooh! Ooh! Is The Arcadian Greek Revival?
34202,119,6,7,Ted: No.
34203,119,6,7,Student: What's The Arcadian?
34204,119,6,7,"Zoey: Oh, it's just this beautiful, old building that Professor Mosby wants to tear down."
34205,119,6,7,"Student: What?! No, Professor Mosby loves old buildings. He wouldn't do that. Right, Ted?"
34206,119,6,7,Ted: Getting back to Greek Revival...
34207,119,6,7,The bar
34208,119,6,7,Ted: I lost them.
34209,119,6,7,"Lily: Look, you're new at teaching. In my kindergarten class, I have had plenty of troublesome students. Like Johnny Marley..."
34210,119,6,7,[FLASHBACK]
34211,119,6,7,(boy shouting playfully)
34212,119,6,7,Lily: Johnny? Johnny!
34213,119,6,7,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34214,119,6,7,Lily: He and that little stuffed horsey raised all kinds of hell. But I have a simple method for shutting down troublemakers. You know that '98 Taurus that's always parked outside? The one with the really annoying alarm?
34215,119,6,7,"(Robin and T'ed both mimick a long, complex car alarm blaring)"
34216,119,6,7,Ted: We're familiar with it.
34217,119,6,7,"Lily: Well, when a kid like Johnny acts up in my class..."
34218,119,6,7,[FLASHBACK]
34219,119,6,7,"(kids laughing and shouting playfully, when Lily starts mimicking a long, complex car alarm blaring)"
34220,119,6,7,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34221,119,6,7,Lily: Shuts them right up.
34222,119,6,7,"Ted: Lily, my students are adults, and I treat them that way. I'll just give them more candy and make them a mix CD. Problem solved."
34223,119,6,7,"Lily: Oh, baby, what's wrong?"
34224,119,6,7,Marshall: Something bad happened.
34225,119,6,7,[FLASHBACK]
34226,119,6,7,(knocking)
34227,119,6,7,"Marshall: Randy, hey, have you seen the..."
34228,119,6,7,"Randy: Before you get to that, regarding the earlier project I was working on... Voilà!"
34229,119,6,7,Marshall: That's the Hermanson contract?
34230,119,6,7,"Randy: The Hermanson contract? Oh, man, this is the Filbert contract. Damn it! No... (He shredds the file once again) Anyway, what's your thing?"
34231,119,6,7,Marshall: I need the Filbert contract!
34232,119,6,7,"Randy: Well, I'll do what I can. But in my experience, twice shredded is fairly permanent."
34233,119,6,7,"Marshall: Sorry, Randy, but... this just isn't working out."
34234,119,6,7,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34235,119,6,7,"Barney: Marshall popped his cherry! Oh! Come on, Marshall, you have to admit, the guy was a disaster. I mean, it reflected badly on the company. He was an embarrassment. A huge embarrassment."
34236,119,6,7,(pounds table)
34237,119,6,7,Lily: You slept with Randy!
34238,119,6,7,Robin: What?!
34239,119,6,7,"Lily: Why, it's elementary, my dear Scherbatson."
34240,119,6,7,[FLASHBACK]
34241,119,6,7,"Lily: Your co-host is getting super-popular because of her stupid commercial, ""Boats! Boats! Boats!"" So, when you arrived at the GNB party after we left, you were feeling vulnerable and drunk. Then, from across the not-so-crowded conference room, your eyes met. And as we all remember... Randy has a unique condition."
34242,119,6,7,"Robin: Yeah, your nose is bleeding like a faucet."
34243,119,6,7,"Randy: Oh, God, this happens every time I get an erection. I am so sorry."
34244,119,6,7,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34245,119,6,7,Robin: That's...exactly what happened.
34246,119,6,7,"Barney: See, Marshall, if getting fired is an execution, at least the guy had a last meal. I promise you, tomorrow you'll feel a lot better."
34247,119,6,7,Randy's office
34248,119,6,7,"Marshall: Randy, hey, what's going on?"
34249,119,6,7,Randy: I just wanted to say no hard feelings.
34250,119,6,7,Marshall: Thank you. So where you headed now?
34251,119,6,7,"Randy: Downtown. (Randy jumps into the shredder, Marshall wakes up)"
34252,119,6,7,Marshall: No!!
34253,119,6,7,"Lily: It's okay, baby."
34254,119,6,7,Ted from 2030: It wasn't okay. So the next morning...
34255,119,6,7,
34256,119,6,7,Marshall's boss' office
34257,119,6,7,"Marshall: Arthur, I'm here because I made a mistake. I fired Randy yesterday."
34258,119,6,7,Arthur: That was a mistake. You should have fired him a year ago.
34259,119,6,7,"Marshall: No, sir, that is what's wrong with this company. How can we say ""GNB Cares,"" and then turn around and treat someone like that? I mean, sure, he made a few mistakes but everybody makes mistakes. Like, like Tugboat here. Aw. I bet you he's made some mistakes. And you didn't fire Tugboat, did you?"
34260,119,6,7,"Arthur: No, I got him fixed, and he calmed down."
34261,119,6,7,Marshall: Exactly-- kind of. Randy doesn't need to be fired. He needs to be fixed.
34262,119,6,7,"Arthur: Marshall, we do some pretty bad things around here, but I..."
34263,119,6,7,"Marshall: No, sir, I'm saying instead of getting rid of someone when they screw up, we should... we should help them. We should nurture them."
34264,119,6,7,"Arthur: I changed the ice pack on his crotch every hour for three days. Wow, Eriksen, if you want to un-fire Randy, I support you, because to come in here and say what you just said, well, you've got a couple things that Tugboat doesn't."
34265,119,6,7,Ted's class
34266,119,6,7,(angry shouting)
34267,119,6,7,"Ted: Guys, Prof Rock is a really good mix, okay?"
34268,119,6,7,"Student: A piece of New York history is being torn down, and all you could say was ""Boo freakin' hoo""?"
34269,119,6,7,Ted: Boo... freakin'...
34270,119,6,7,Zoey: I may have mentioned our conversation over a session of hacky sack.
34271,119,6,7,"Ted: The one day I miss the sack circle, you guys sub her in?"
34272,119,6,7,Zoey: Why'd you miss? Too busy tearing down the Statue of Liberty?
34273,119,6,7,Ted: No. I was returning a hot dog costume that you all enjoyed.
34274,119,6,7,(angry shouting)
34275,119,6,7,"Ted from 2030: They were all turning against me, so I figured, what the hell."
34276,119,6,7,"(the shouting continues; Ted starts mimicking a long, complex car alarm blaring)"
34277,119,6,7,The Bar
34278,119,6,7,Lily: And did it work?
34279,119,6,7,"Ted: Like gangbusters. We're buddies again. After class, we hacked a little sack to the thumpin' strains of my Prof Rock CD. And no, none of them had heard the Pixies B-side. Actually, none of them had heard of the Pixies. Or a B-side."
34280,119,6,7,"Randy: Hey, guys."
34281,119,6,7,"Barney: Uh-oh. I know that smile. Lily, there's no easy way to say this. Marshall's dead. Randy murdered him."
34282,119,6,7,Lily: No. I know why Randy is smiling. You're smiling because of Robin.
34283,119,6,7,Randy: Robin? Like how I think about her when I'm in the shower?
34284,119,6,7,"Ted: I'm trying to eat here, buddy."
34285,119,6,7,Lily: No. Because you slept with her on Halloween.
34286,119,6,7,"Randy: What? No. I went home, had a shower an-and went to bed."
34287,119,6,7,Lily: You didn't sleep with her?
34288,119,6,7,"Randy: No. Even in the shower, the farthest we ever get is hugging."
34289,119,6,7,Lily: So why are you smiling?
34290,119,6,7,Randy: I'll tell you why.
34291,119,6,7,[FLASHBACK]
34292,119,6,7,Marshall: This just isn't working out.
34293,119,6,7,"Randy, thinking: I'm fired. Great. This is the candle kiosk at the mall all over again. Wait a minute. I can get a severance check. If I don't shred it, I can use that money to start my own brewery. Imagine a beer with my name on it. Randy Wharmpiss, this is the best day of your life."
34294,119,6,7,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34295,119,6,7,"Randy: Thanks to that severance check, this time next year, you'll all be enjoying a frothy mug of Wharmpiss."
34296,119,6,7,"Marshall: Randy, great news! You're not fired!"
34297,119,6,7,"Randy, wailing: No...!"
34298,119,6,7,Ted's class
34299,119,6,7,(Ted enters an empty room)
34300,119,6,7,"Ted: Good morning, everybody... Where's my class?"
34301,119,6,7,Next to the Arcadian
34302,119,6,7,(angry shouting)
34303,119,6,7,"Zoey: Hello, Professor. Ha-boom."
34304,119,6,7,Marshall's office
34305,119,6,7,"Marshall: I got you your job back, Randy. I thought that you'd be happy."
34306,119,6,7,Randy: But I don't belong here. I'm born to be a brewer! A... a hopsmeister!
34307,119,6,7,"Marshall: Well, then quit. No one's stopping you."
34308,119,6,7,Randy: I-I can't. I need my severance check.
34309,119,6,7,"Marshall: Well, I'm sorry Randy, but that's called fraud."
34310,119,6,7,Randy: It's not fraud. I'm just asking you to get me a lot of money to not work here and not tell anyone about it.
34311,119,6,7,"Marshall: Even if I wanted to fire you, after my talk with Arthur..."
34312,119,6,7,"Randy: Oh, come on, Arthur can't remember that."
34313,119,6,7,"Arthur, entering the room: Marshall, what a memorable talk we had yesterday. Randy, on behalf of everyone at GNB, both in and out of prison, we're sorry. And I want to assure you you will never be fired again. You're going to work here until you die, huh? Green tie? (clears throat) Nice choice."
34314,119,6,7,Randy: Thanks. It brings out my eyes.
34315,119,6,7,Arthur: Yeah. I'll bring out your eyes.
34316,119,6,7,"Marshall: Listen, Randy, I'm sorry, but I broke my own moral code once and I felt evil. I will not let GNB change me. I will never fire anyone again ever."
34317,119,6,7,"Randy: Oh, we'll see about that."
34318,119,6,7,"Barney: Anyhoo, while I got you-- big smile. ""We care about making dreams come true,"" in three, two..."
34319,119,6,7,Randy: No!
34320,119,6,7,Marshall: What are you doing?
34321,119,6,7,"Randy: Oh, are you unhappy with my performance? Well, I guess I'm fired, then. I'd better turn in my I.D."
34322,119,6,7,"Marshall: No, it's actually, um, nice having some of this clutter off my desk. So thank you, Randy."
34323,119,6,7,Randy: And there's more.
34324,119,6,7,"Marshall: I don't know what I'm going to use this for, but it's great stuff."
34325,119,6,7,Randy: Now am I fired?
34326,119,6,7,Marshall: I've been meaning to clean out that file cabinet for ages.
34327,119,6,7,"Barney: I'm not even here. Randy, the coffee."
34328,119,6,7,"Marshall: Oh! Okay. Okay. Thank you, Randy. I've been meaning to cut back on my caffeine."
34329,119,6,7,"Barney: Here, try this, but really go for it. Remember, this guy ruined your life."
34330,119,6,7,Marshall: That's just the pick-me-up I needed.
34331,119,6,7,"Barney: Speaking of pickups, can we try the first one again?"
34332,119,6,7,Lily's class
34333,119,6,7,(her phone starts ringing)
34334,119,6,7,Lily: Hello.
34335,119,6,7,Ted: It didn't work. They hate me. How do I get them to like me again?
34336,119,6,7,"Lily: You don't. Ted, you're their teacher. The only people that like their teachers..."
34337,119,6,7,Ted: I like my teachers.
34338,119,6,7,"Lily:...are dorks. Except for you, Miles. Ted, you just have to learn to embrace their hatred. Because behind that hatred lies fear. And you can use use that fear, like I did with Johnny Marley."
34339,119,6,7,Ted: Was there more to that story?
34340,119,6,7,Lily: A little bit.
34341,119,6,7,[FLASHBACK]
34342,119,6,7,(The boy wakes up from his nap and find the head of his stuffed animal next to him; he starts screaming)
34343,119,6,7,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34344,119,6,7,"Ted: Lily, you're a psychopath."
34345,119,6,7,"Lily: A little bit. Oh, a panda!"
34346,119,6,7,Ted's class
34347,119,6,7,Ted from 2030: I thought about Lily's advice. And I figured fear was worth a try.
34348,119,6,7,"Zoey: Well, Professor Mosby, is there anything you want to say to us?"
34349,119,6,7,"Ted: Anyone not in class tomorrow gets an ""F."""
34350,119,6,7,The Bar
34351,119,6,7,Lily: You said that?
34352,119,6,7,"Ted: Well, technically, they'd get an incomplete, but I thought ""F"" had a nice, scary ring to it. Right?"
34353,119,6,7,Lily: Yeah.
34354,119,6,7,"Robin: Hey, guys."
34355,119,6,7,"Lily: Robin, who'd you sleep with?"
34356,119,6,7,Robin: I told you-- Randy. He was a machine.
34357,119,6,7,"Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?"
34358,119,6,7,"Robin: Fine. I didn't sleep with anyone. The thing is, ever since Becky did that commercial, everyone at work loves her. So, the day after Halloween, I was in a commercial."
34359,119,6,7,Ted: What... Why didn't you tell us?
34360,119,6,7,[FLASHBACK]
34361,119,6,7,"Announcer: Bladder trouble; it's embarrassing, it's uncomfortable, and it can affect anyone."
34362,119,6,7,Robin: I'm going to the bathroom right now.
34363,119,6,7,Announcer: Neat and discreet adult diapers for anyone.
34364,119,6,7,"Robin: Say... ""Ah..."""
34365,119,6,7,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34366,119,6,7,(Ted laughing)
34367,119,6,7,Ted: Wow! I can't wait to see it.
34368,119,6,7,"Robin: Well, hopefully you never will. They said that they might not even use it."
34369,119,6,7,Ted from 2030: It ran for seven years.
34370,119,6,7,Marshall's office
34371,119,6,7,"Randy: Okay, you win. Maybe trashing your office was a mistake. It's just, uh, as long as I can remember, making beer has been my dream. Wharmpiss? I know it sounds dumb to someone who's already achieved his dream, big-time lawyer at a huge corporation."
34372,119,6,7,Marshall: You think working here is my dream?
34373,119,6,7,"Randy: Of course. Anyways, I'll clean this stuff up. Have someone get that dead squirrel out of your desk."
34374,119,6,7,Marshall: Randy. This is delicious. You're fired.
34375,119,6,7,"Ted from 2030: Kids, the next morning, my class had the highest attendance it had ever had. And not long after that, Randy used his severance money to start a little brewery. Now you can have a Wharmpiss at every bar in America. And all because..."
34376,119,6,7,Marshall: I care about making dreams come true. You got what you need?
34377,119,6,7,Barney: Yep. That's a wrap.
34378,120,6,8,"Ted from 2030: Kids, one morning in 2010, I opened the newspaper only to discover an op-ed written by Zoey Pierson. You remember Zoey."
34379,120,6,8,[FLASHBACK]
34380,120,6,8,Zoey: Key Ted Mosby's car.
34381,120,6,8,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34382,120,6,8,"Ted from 2030: In those four column inches, she railed against me and my company, GNB, for wanting to tear down a beautiful old building: The Arcadian. And as if that wasn't bad enough, the piece ran on a Saturday, which as you both know, is Dad's crossword day."
34383,120,6,8,"Ted: She ruined crossword day! I can't believe this. She singles me out by name. Calls me a ""fat cat."" Me and my ""fat-cat friends."" We're not fat cats."
34384,120,6,8,"Barney: Exactly. I say, Marshall, my good man, how's my bow tie?"
34385,120,6,8,"Marshall: Impeccable, old bean. To industry!"
34386,120,6,8,"Barney: Ah, bully!"
34387,120,6,8,"Ted from 2030: Okay, that night we weren't entirely un-fat-catty. You see, every year the Natural History Museum holds its Autumn Spectacular. It's attended by some of the most powerful and important people in New York, and, thanks to Goliath National Bank... us."
34388,120,6,8,Inside a cab
34389,120,6,8,"Marshall: Look at us, huh? In tuxedos? Can you imagine if our college selves saw us like this?"
34390,120,6,8,Ted: They'd pelt us with their Phish bootlegs.
34391,120,6,8,"Marshall: Yeah, we were pretty anti-establishment back then. Oh, God, remember Russell?"
34392,120,6,8,[FLASHBACK]
34393,120,6,8,(Marshall's college room)
34394,120,6,8,"Marshall: Nice monkey suit, Russell."
34395,120,6,8,"Russel: Come on, guys."
34396,120,6,8,"Marshall: Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you with that corporate noose around your neck. And don't even try showing up to the drum circle this weekend."
34397,120,6,8,"(Russel leaves the room, Ted enters)"
34398,120,6,8,"Ted: Oh, hey. You guys seen Russell? I'm supposed to drive him to his mom's funeral."
34399,120,6,8,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34400,120,6,8,Robin: I wish I knew you guys back then. You know why? Because you can't kick a story in the nuts.
34401,120,6,8,"Lily: Hey, we're still those people. One of these days, Marshall's going to quit his job and go to work for the NRDC, and save the world, right, baby?"
34402,120,6,8,"Marshall: Absotively. But let's just remember, I mean, nobody's the same as they were in college. You know, it's like, I wear a suit to work every day."
34403,120,6,8,"Lily: Well, yeah, but you wear it ironically, like Ted's fanny pack."
34404,120,6,8,"Ted: Next time we go to Great Adventure, you're carrying your own sunblock."
34405,120,6,8,The museum
34406,120,6,8,"Lily: Ooh! I love this exhibit. One time when I was a kid, this room was closed for cleaning, so I snuck under the rope."
34407,120,6,8,Everyone: Ooh.
34408,120,6,8,"Barney: Wow, that's pretty cool. When I was a kid, I knocked down the blue whale."
34409,120,6,8,"Marshall: Okay, the giant blue whale hanging from the ceiling?"
34410,120,6,8,"Barney: I was six. My uncle Jerry brought me here for the day. He said, ""Don't touch anything"". To a kid. That's like someone telling us ""Don't look at that girl's perky and impossibly symmetrical knockers."""
34411,120,6,8,Everyone: Ooh.
34412,120,6,8,Robin: Not bad.
34413,120,6,8,"Barney: So, naturally, I snapped the rib off a triceratops, blahbity-blahbity-blue, I knocked down the whale. I'm surprised security didn't stop me on the way in."
34414,120,6,8,"Robin: Well, I'm sure they don't remember. I mean, it's been like 30 years since that completely made-up story didn't happen."
34415,120,6,8,Barney: It happened. And these people don't forget. This is not the Natural Stuff That Happened No More Than Five Minutes Ago Museum. Huh?
34416,120,6,8,"(Arthur comes over, with another man)"
34417,120,6,8,"Arthur: Marshall, Barney, there you are. I want you to meet an old friend of mine from Exeter, George Van Smoot."
34418,120,6,8,"George: But you can, and should, call me The Captain."
34419,120,6,8,Marshall: The Captain?
34420,120,6,8,Barney: The Captain?
34421,120,6,8,"Arthur: Back in school we met during a production of Guys and Dolls. The Captain was Nathan Detroit to my assistant stage manager. Marshall and Barney here, are the future of Goliath National Bank."
34422,120,6,8,"George: Well, ahoy."
34423,120,6,8,Barney: Ahoy.
34424,120,6,8,"Marshall: Ahoy, The Captain."
34425,120,6,8,Arthur: The Captain pretty much paid for this entire shindig.
34426,120,6,8,"George: Please, enjoy yourselves, have fun, but don't touch anything."
34427,120,6,8,"Marshall: Thank you, The Captain."
34428,120,6,8,Barney: Challenge accepted.
34429,120,6,8,"Lily: Wow. ""The future of Goliath National Bank""?"
34430,120,6,8,"Marshall: I know, it's so, uh... You know, I totally forgot to tell you, but, um, the other day, Arthur offered me a five-year contract."
34431,120,6,8,"Lily: Oh, well, don't turn him down here in public. I broke up with Scooter at the prom. Right before the picture, too."
34432,120,6,8,"Lily: So whatever you do, don't tell him here tonight, 'cause..."
34433,120,6,8,Marshall: I think I'm going to say yes.
34434,120,6,8,(Barney slightly touches a statue)
34435,120,6,8,"Barney: Ah, that's the stuff."
34436,120,6,8,[OPENING CREDITS]
34437,120,6,8,"Robin: I didn't realize you were small potatoes. And to be clear, I am referring to your testicles."
34438,120,6,8,(Robin touches the same statue from head to arm)
34439,120,6,8,Barney: Impressive. Try this on for size.
34440,120,6,8,(He raises the statue's belt and shakes it)
34441,120,6,8,Robin: You want to dance? Let's dance.
34442,120,6,8,"(Robin lays a hand on the statue, Barneys does the same)"
34443,120,6,8,Barney: I live for the dance.
34444,120,6,8,Robin: Get... your other hand... off my ass.
34445,120,6,8,"Barney: Sorry, sorry."
34446,120,6,8,"Lily: What do you mean, you're going to say yes?"
34447,120,6,8,Marshall: I-I want to keep working at GNB.
34448,120,6,8,Lily: But I thought that you...
34449,120,6,8,"Ted: Guys, guys, guys? Architecture fun fact: If you stand right here, and you whisper, a person all the way across the other end of the room hears it like you're standing right next to them. It's one of the most sophisticated pieces of acoustical design in the world. Watch. (whispers): Diarrhea. Right? Right?"
34450,120,6,8,Lily: But a five-year contract. I thought you hated GNB.
34451,120,6,8,"Marshall: Look, I don't hate all of it. Tonight's fun. Take a look around. I mean, this is pretty high-class."
34452,120,6,8,"Ted, whispering: Poo-poo. Poo-poo platter."
34453,120,6,8,(Ted spots Zoey in the crowd)
34454,120,6,8,"Ted: Zoey? Well, well, well."
34455,120,6,8,Zoey: You have got to be kidding me.
34456,120,6,8,"Ted: So, what are we protesting tonight? Rising cost of jet fuel? The government's oppressive top hat and monocle tax?"
34457,120,6,8,"Zoey: And what are you doing here? Oh, right. Beautiful old building... you're here to knock it down. Can I finish my drink first?"
34458,120,6,8,"George: Darling, there you are."
34459,120,6,8,"Zoey: Ted, this is my husband."
34460,120,6,8,"Ted: Yeah, old stuff's great."
34461,120,6,8,"(Barney and Robin still have their hand onto the statue, Barney is trying to catch her glass)"
34462,120,6,8,"Robin: Mmm. Ah, this Scotch is good. How's your drink?"
34463,120,6,8,"Barney: This is ridiculous. We are two grown adults standing among the greatest collection of natural artifacts in the Western hemisphere, and look at what we're doing."
34464,120,6,8,Robin: You're right.
34465,120,6,8,Barney: Want to go touch a bunch of stuff?
34466,120,6,8,"Robin: Yeah, I do."
34467,120,6,8,"Ted: So, Captain. How'd you get that name, anyway?"
34468,120,6,8,George: Gave it to myself. A real man chooses his own name.
34469,120,6,8,"Ted: Well, pleased to meet you, Captain. I'm Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville."
34470,120,6,8,Zoey: This is Ted.
34471,120,6,8,"George: Capital. Honey, I may cut out early. I have to go check up on the boat."
34472,120,6,8,"Ted: The boat? There's a boat? You must tell me about this boat, Captain."
34473,120,6,8,"George: Well, she's an 85-foot sloop."
34474,120,6,8,Ted: She!
34475,120,6,8,George: Do you like boats? Does the sea call to you like it calls to me?
34476,120,6,8,"Ted: Yes. The sea is all like, ""Ted, come hang out."""
34477,120,6,8,George: I like Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville. You're coming on the boat sometime. Stepping off.
34478,120,6,8,"Ted: Man, I wish me and my dad were as close as you guys are."
34479,120,6,8,Zoey: Oh. You want to make this personal? Okay. Destroy Ted Mosby. Now it's personal.
34480,120,6,8,"Ted: No, if I wanted to make it personal, I'd call you a bored little trophy wife who likes to play activist when the shops on 5th Avenue are closed."
34481,120,6,8,Zoey: You're going down.
34482,120,6,8,"Ted: Down where? To the yacht club? Oh! I would love to. W-w-wait. I'm half Jewish, will that be a problem?"
34483,120,6,8,Lily: So what about becoming an environmental lawyer? What about saving the world?
34484,120,6,8,"Ted, whispering: Wieners."
34485,120,6,8,"Marshall: That was a great dream. But we have a mortgage, and we're trying to have kids. We're grown-ups now, Lily."
34486,120,6,8,Ted: Wieners and gonads.
34487,120,6,8,Lily: What would College You say if he heard what you were saying right now?
34488,120,6,8,"Marshall: Honestly? Probably something pretentious, and pseudo-intellectual, like..."
34489,120,6,8,Ted: Boogers.
34490,120,6,8,"Marshall: We all change, Lily. You know, you don't spell ""women"" with a ""Y"" anymore. And I'm okay with that. And you need to be okay with the fact that I may never become an environmental lawyer."
34491,120,6,8,Lily: So how long have you felt this way?
34492,120,6,8,Marshall: Honestly? Since my first day at GNB.
34493,120,6,8,Ted: Hershey squirts.
34494,120,6,8,(Robin joins Barney who was going to touch a wall)
34495,120,6,8,"Robin: Hey. How do you like my date's tux? Ooh! Uh, a-thank you! Oh, none for him. He's stuffed."
34496,120,6,8,"Ted: Oh! Zoey! There you are. Oh, my God. You have a monocle. Is this real? Is this really happening?"
34497,120,6,8,Zoey: Can you excuse us for a moment? Let's go for a walk.
34498,120,6,8,Ted: Good luck killing James Bond. (Zoey takes Ted away) Are we allowed in here?
34499,120,6,8,Zoey: What do you want from me?
34500,120,6,8,"Ted: I want my crossword day back. Okay? Go live your perfect little life, and leave me the hell alone."
34501,120,6,8,Zoey: My life isn't perfect.
34502,120,6,8,"Ted: Oh, please, what's your biggest problem? Having to sail back to the marina because the Captain's all out of white Zin? Oh. Great. Now you're crying. Like that's going to get my sympathy."
34503,120,6,8,Ted from 2030: It did.
34504,120,6,8,"Lily: You've known about this for two and a half years? So every time you've talked about wanting to be an environmental lawyer since then, that was a lie."
34505,120,6,8,"Marshall: Technically, I never lied. You asked me questions, and I responded with made-up words."
34506,120,6,8,Lily: What?
34507,120,6,8,[FLASHBACK]
34508,120,6,8,"Lily: So, you'll probably quit GNB in a couple years, right?"
34509,120,6,8,Marshall: Affirmatootly.
34510,120,6,8,Lily: And become an environmental lawyer?
34511,120,6,8,Marshall: Yepskerdoodles.
34512,120,6,8,"Lily: Hey, by the way, do you like this scarf?"
34513,120,6,8,Marshall: Posititochadochmecochepopocha.
34514,120,6,8,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34515,120,6,8,Marshall: Lawyered.
34516,120,6,8,"Lily: Okay, that's also a made-up word."
34517,120,6,8,"Marshall: Okay. Lily, what do you want from me? I want you to be the person I fell in love with."
34518,120,6,8,"(Robin has a fur on her back and a javelin; Barney, dressed up as a Pharao, scares her)"
34519,120,6,8,Barney: Niled it.
34520,120,6,8,Museum guard: Excuse me.
34521,120,6,8,Barney: Thank God you're here. She's been messing with the exhibits.
34522,120,6,8,Zoey: I got married when I was 22 to a man who calls himself The Captain.
34523,120,6,8,Ted: He seems like a good guy. He wears those red pants.
34524,120,6,8,"Zoey: I hate boats, Ted. I do, I hate 'em. I can't be on them. I can't be near them. I can't even think about them without getting seasick. You want to know why I want to save that building? Because when I look up at The Arcadian, I see something big and solid, and right now everything else in my life just feels like I'm on a boat. I know it's crazy to care that much about a building."
34525,120,6,8,"Ted: It's not crazy at all. I'm the same way. Look, Zoey, The Arcadian should be a landmark, it should. The lion head stonework is iconic. I hate that we have to tear it down. I hate working for GNB. They're a bunch of wieners and gonads."
34526,120,6,8,"Zoey: Ted, that was... really easy."
34527,120,6,8,Ted: What?
34528,120,6,8,(Zoey puts out a recorder)
34529,120,6,8,Ted's voice (on a recording): They're a bunch of wieners and gonads.
34530,120,6,8,Zoey: This should be useful.
34531,120,6,8,"Ted from 2030: And in that moment, another headline appeared before my eyes."
34532,120,6,8,Ted: You tricked me.
34533,120,6,8,"Zoey: Well, it the bug room, Ted. Your ass just got bugged. Oh, the offer still stands. We simply must have you out on the boat sometime."
34534,120,6,8,
34535,120,6,8,Barney and Robin are in the guard's office
34536,120,6,8,"Guard: Well, aren't you two clever. Well, guess what, this museum has seen every kind of prank you can think of. Mummies playing poker, penguins sticking out of volcanoes, dinosaurs from the Cretaceous period hanging out with dinosaurs from the Jurassic period. One time a kid knocked down the blue whale. You name it..."
34537,120,6,8,Robin: I'm sorry. Did you say someone knocked down the blue whale?
34538,120,6,8,"Guard: Oh no, not just someone. A six-year-old."
34539,120,6,8,"Barney: Oh, yeah, that story is legend... (phone ringing) Hold on....dary. And, um, would you happen to know what that young man's name was?"
34540,120,6,8,"Guard: No. But I could, uh, check the files."
34541,120,6,8,Barney: Thank you.
34542,120,6,8,"George: Now, Arthur, your turn. I just sang three songs. Now you-you do your part from Guys and Dolls."
34543,120,6,8,"Arthur: Take your seats, everyone. The show's about to start. Douche."
34544,120,6,8,(George spots Ted alone in a corner)
34545,120,6,8,George: So I hear my wife got you pretty good.
34546,120,6,8,Ted: She caught me on tape trashing GNB.
34547,120,6,8,"George: Oh, that damn recorder. Try being married to that. ""But you said you'd get the corgis neutered this weekend."" ""I said no such thing."" ""Oh, yeah?"" Click. You're a good guy, Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville. Tell you what, when Zoey goes to sleep, I'll find that tape and erase it for you. No hard feelings."
34548,120,6,8,Ted: Really? You'd do that to your own wife?
34549,120,6,8,"George: Sure. Why not? I mean, I'm glad she has these little causes, they keep her out of troubles, but when she throws a temper tantrum and it gets in the way of someone doing their job, that's a problem."
34550,120,6,8,"Ted: No, you know what? Don't erase the tape. And for what it's worth, I don't think she's throwing temper tantrums. I just think she's, you know, standing up for what she believes in. I respect that."
34551,120,6,8,"George: Hey, what about this? I'll take you out on the boat sometime. You've got to see this boat. She's breathtaking."
34552,120,6,8,"Ted from 2030: Kids, there's an amazing architectural phenomenon in the Natural History Museum. If you stand in the right spot, you can hear an entire conversation all the way across the room."
34553,120,6,8,The guard's office
34554,120,6,8,"Guard: July 23, 1981, incident report. At approximately 1000 hours,...vandal dislodged rib from triceratops skeleton...and flung said rib at giant whale. Causing said giant whale to fall in a downward trajectory. And the vandal's name... Well, I'll be damned... Barney Stinson."
34555,120,6,8,"Barney: Who's the master, Leroy?"
34556,120,6,8,"Guard: Stinson was reprimanded and returned to the custody of his father, Jerome Whittaker."
34557,120,6,8,"Barney: Uh, no, uncle. Jerome Whittaker is my uncle."
34558,120,6,8,Guard: Uncle Jerry. Says father. Even signed it and checked the box for father and everything.
34559,120,6,8,Barney: Jerry's my uncle.
34560,120,6,8,"College Marshall: Lily? Honey, what's wrong? You okay? Do you want a hit of this sandwich?"
34561,120,6,8,Lily: I want you.
34562,120,6,8,College Marshall: Awesome. Let me just put a sock on the doorknob.
34563,120,6,8,"Lily:No. I mean, I want you as opposed to who you've become. You've changed so much."
34564,120,6,8,College Marshall: What? How have I changed? Did I cheat on you?
34565,120,6,8,Lily: No.
34566,120,6,8,College Marshall: Did I stop writing poems for you?
34567,120,6,8,"Lily: Yes, but I'm okay with that."
34568,120,6,8,"College Marshall: Am I not as good at making the sweet, sweet love to you?"
34569,120,6,8,"Lily: Actually, you're way better now. You last, like, two, three times as long."
34570,120,6,8,College Marshall: You said that any longer would be too much.
34571,120,6,8,"Lily: It's okay. College Lily thinks those are orgasms. No, it's... it's none of that. It's just this new Marshall... Corporate Marshall... he wears suits all the time. He doesn't care about saving the world. He's not you. I want you back."
34572,120,6,8,"College Marshall: Well, you can't have me. Look at the sign. I'm extinct. I've gone the way of Jane's Addiction."
34573,120,6,8,"Lily: Actually, Jane's Addiction got back together."
34574,120,6,8,College Marshall: They did?
34575,120,6,8,"Lily: Yeah, they've done a few tours, they put out a new album."
34576,120,6,8,College Marshall: Are you serious?! That is awesome! Are they just as good?
34577,120,6,8,Lily: Sure.
34578,120,6,8,"College Marshall: Look, I know that Corporate Marshall wears a tie and everything, but it sounds like he hasn't changed where it counts."
34579,120,6,8,(The Marshall from today arrives)
34580,120,6,8,Marshall: Hey.
34581,120,6,8,Lily: Hi.
34582,120,6,8,"Marshall: Look, Lily, I know that you would have been okay if we were poor and I was trying to save the world, but will you still be okay if I make a lot of money and I spend all of it spoiling you and our kids?"
34583,120,6,8,Lily: We'll make it work.
34584,120,6,8,(Lily and Marshall leave the museum)
34585,120,6,8,College Marshall: There he goes. The Marathon Man. Mr. Stamina himself. I can kiss better than that old man.
34586,120,6,8,(Robin and Barney are sitting at a table)
34587,120,6,8,Robin: So when was the last time you saw him?
34588,120,6,8,"Barney: It was that day... July 23, 1981. My mom got pretty mad that he let me destroy a New York City landmark."
34589,120,6,8,Robin: Moms.
34590,120,6,8,Barney: He never came around anymore after that. Think he moved away.
34591,120,6,8,"Robin: Well, maybe the security guy had it wrong. You never know..."
34592,120,6,8,"Barney: But you do know, you do know. That's the thing. You know. He's my dad."
34593,120,6,8,"Robin: Barney, do you want...?"
34594,120,6,8,"Barney: I don't want to do anything. Don't tell anyone about this, okay?"
34595,120,6,8,"Ted: I'm serious. It's a great look. I think it could come back, but one question. Does it cost half as much as glasses?"
34596,120,6,8,Zoey: Can I steal you for a second? You don't need to worry. I... What are you doing?
34597,120,6,8,"Ted: Oh, I thought we were..."
34598,120,6,8,Zoey: Fine. I erased the tape.
34599,120,6,8,Ted: What?
34600,120,6,8,Zoey: I don't need it. I'm going to beat you fair and square.
34601,120,6,8,Ted: Thanks.
34602,120,6,8,Zoey: But it's good to know how easily you can be manipulated by a woman.
34603,120,6,8,"Ted: You look gross when you cry, you know that? Some women look cute. You look like a basset hound."
34604,120,6,8,"Zoey: Oh, laugh it up now. Because starting Monday, I got you in my crosshairs."
34605,120,6,8,"Ted: Bring it on, Princess."
34606,120,6,8,(Marshall is in his office when Arthur enters)
34607,120,6,8,"Arthur: Eriksen... It's, uh, 3:00 a.m. You know what, you might as well not even go home."
34608,120,6,8,"Ted from 2030: And so Marshall stayed right on at Goliath National Bank. Of course, it wouldn't last forever. But that's another story."
34609,121,6,9,"Ted from 2030: Kids, in the fall of 2010, it seemed like Aunt Lily could only talk about one thing: babies."
34610,121,6,9,The Bar
34611,121,6,9,"Robin: Oh, God, I have been craving this burger all day."
34612,121,6,9,Lily: Do you know what plays a huge role in helping a woman conceive? Cervical mucus.
34613,121,6,9,(Robin drops her burger)
34614,121,6,9,(Lily and Robin are watching a movie)
34615,121,6,9,"Robin: Oh, my God, I can't wait to see this movie. I hear it's really scary."
34616,121,6,9,"Lily: Oh, change of plans. I thought violent images wouldn't be good for my future fetus, so instead, I rented this video of a live water birth."
34617,121,6,9,(Lily and Robin are in the Kitchen)
34618,121,6,9,Robin: They don't know what it is. It just showed up on my mom's X-ray.
34619,121,6,9,Lily: Look at this crib.
34620,121,6,9,"Ted from 2030: But all in all, it wasn't a problem. That is, until the night of Barney's boutonniere."
34621,121,6,9,The Bar
34622,121,6,9,"Marshall: Oh, you're wearing a flower."
34623,121,6,9,Barney: Thank you.
34624,121,6,9,"Marshall: Ah, didn't compliment. Just observed."
34625,121,6,9,Barney: I know. Isn't it?
34626,121,6,9,Robin: Why are you wearing that?
34627,121,6,9,Ted: Why does Barney do anything ever?
34628,121,6,9,"Barney: Exactly. Science. There is an 83% correlation between the times men wear boutonnieres and the times they get laid. Think about it. Proms, weddings. Grandmas' funerals. Thanks for the redhead, Nana. The ""everyday boutonniere"" by Stinson."
34629,121,6,9,"Robin: And nope. I'm sorry, Barney, but no girl is going home with a guy with a flower on his chest. Unless he's a clown, and she's in the trunk of his car."
34630,121,6,9,Marshall: Along with 50 other clowns. It's a clown car. Oh.
34631,121,6,9,"Barney: Robin, did you know that boutonniere is French for ""bootie is near?"" True story. Une histoire vraie."
34632,121,6,9,"Robin: Hmm! Did you know that Barney is French for ""sad little guy who works way too hard to get laid"""""
34633,121,6,9,"Barney: Woman, you best check yourself."
34634,121,6,9,"Robin: Yeah, on the bright side, I guess suits are pretty boring without them, so..."
34635,121,6,9,Barney: Madam... that is an insult that cannot be borne! I demand satisfaction!
34636,121,6,9,"Robin: What, are we gonna duel?"
34637,121,6,9,"Barney: No. I'm going to show everyone this embarrassing video of you. It's Robin Sparkles III, y'all!"
34638,121,6,9,[OPENING CREDITS]
34639,121,6,9,"Ted from 2030: Kids, by this point, we knew Aunt Robin had been a teen pop sensation in Canada, known as Robin Sparkles. And we also knew that her Robin Sparkles character came from a Canadian TV show, which we'd never seen... until now."
34640,121,6,9,Ted's appartment
34641,121,6,9,Barney: I cannot wait to see what's on this DVD!
34642,121,6,9,"Marshall: Oh, you haven't watched it yet?"
34643,121,6,9,"Barney: No, of course not. I wanted my first time to be with someone I cared about."
34644,121,6,9,"Marshall: Sweet! I get that a lot. Well, once."
34645,121,6,9,"Lily: Hey, Robin, do you want to go get a Korean massage on Saturday?"
34646,121,6,9,"Robin: Oh, I'd love to. I've got this knot in my neck that's so annoying."
34647,121,6,9,"Lily: Yeah, I figured I should get one now because once I get pregnant, no more massages. Just so annoying."
34648,121,6,9,(Barney plays the dvd)
34649,121,6,9,Barney: Space Teens?! Is this a porno?
34650,121,6,9,"Robin: No, no. Dude, dude. Sweet! It's a kids' show."
34651,121,6,9,"Ted: I don't know. This does have all the earmarks of p0rn. Stripper pole, bad lighting, delusional girl who thinks it's a stepping stone to mainstream success."
34652,121,6,9,"Barney: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a big old bowl of pornflakes. Whoa! And who is this exquisite keytarist I assum you're about to make sweet love to?"
34653,121,6,9,"Robin: Oh, that's Jessica Glitter. She was my BFF on the show and in real life."
34654,121,6,9,"Barney: Ah, BFFs. Did you guys have sleepovers? Get mad at each other and wrestle, but then end up kissing in a tender embrace? Here, show us on Lily."
34655,121,6,9,"Robin: Barney, you know what? If you're going to be disgusting, we're not watching this, okay?"
34656,121,6,9,"Lily: Yeah. Come on, Barney. It's just a cute little story about... What exactly is this about?"
34657,121,6,9,"Robin: Oh, two average Canadian teenagers who solve crimes in space using math."
34658,121,6,9,Marshall: That sounds ridiculous.
34659,121,6,9,Robin Sparkles: So sue me. Like the producers of Milky Way Mathletes tried to.
34660,121,6,9,"Jessica Glitter: Great job using long division to catch that space burglar, eh?"
34661,121,6,9,"Robin Sparkles: Well, what can I say? He'll be in galactic jail for the remainder of his life."
34662,121,6,9,"Robot: Sparkles, Glitter, we're about to enter an asteroid belt, eh."
34663,121,6,9,Robin Sparkles: Brace for turbulence!
34664,121,6,9,"Lily: Oh. Oh. I have to say, as much as I hate to agree with Barney, this does seem to be a veritable pornucopia."
34665,121,6,9,"Robin: Okay, guys, come on. It's a kids' show! Like Electric Company or Sesame Street or, um..."
34666,121,6,9,Marshall: You can't do that on television.
34667,121,6,9,Robin: Exactly.
34668,121,6,9,Marshall: No. You can't do that on television!
34669,121,6,9,"Ted: Robin, this show is so dirty, I don't know whether to hug you or run a shower for you so you can sit there alone, crying and clenching your knees."
34670,121,6,9,"Robin: It's just bad camera work, okay? Wayne, our camera guy... he wasn't that great."
34671,121,6,9,"Marshall: I don't know. I think he did a pretty good job, considering he was probably only using one hand."
34672,121,6,9,"Robin: You know what? I feel bad for you Americans, that you can look at this wondrous and educational adventure through space, and see something obscene. Can you just please try to look at this with the innocence of a child?"
34673,121,6,9,"Man: Coming up. Here we go. Girls, if you want to get through the asteroid belt, you've got to use multiplication. To the joystick! Okay, Space Teens, let's multiply! Five times six?"
34674,121,6,9,Robin Sparkles: Oh. 30.
34675,121,6,9,Man: Yes! Oh! Seven times four?
34676,121,6,9,Jessica Glitter: 28!
34677,121,6,9,Man: Keep going! Eight times nine?
34678,121,6,9,Jessica Glitter: 72!
34679,121,6,9,Man: Don't stop now! Almost there! 23 times three?
34680,121,6,9,(Barney stops the dvd)
34681,121,6,9,"Barney: I'm sorry. We got to ration this. It's like we're on a desert island, and this video is a really hot, naked chick, and she's got, like, seaweed on her and a seashell bra. You all feel me?"
34682,121,6,9,"Lily: Hey, if you and Jessica are BFFs, how come we've never met her?"
34683,121,6,9,"Robin: Okay, well, it was a long time ago, okay? I get a Christmas card from her every year, but we're not really friends anymore."
34684,121,6,9,Lily: But BFFs are forever.
34685,121,6,9,"Marshall: Oh, come on, Lily. Nobody stays friends with their high school friends."
34686,121,6,9,Ted: I'm still friends with Punchy.
34687,121,6,9,"Marshall: Dude, he lives in Cleveland. You see him once a year, at which point, he punches you really hard in the arm and tells everyone how you dookied your pants. I know, on paper he sounds great, but you guys aren't really friends."
34688,121,6,9,"Ted: Look, I may not see him a lot, but it doesn't matter. Observe."
34689,121,6,9,(Ted makes a phone call)
34690,121,6,9,Punchy: Schmosby!
34691,121,6,9,Ted: Punchy!
34692,121,6,9,"Punchy: Hey, good talking to you, Ted."
34693,121,6,9,"Ted: Yeah, you, too. If you're ever in New York."
34694,121,6,9,Punchy: Definitely.
34695,121,6,9,(the call ends)
34696,121,6,9,Ted: We are just two peas.
34697,121,6,9,Lily: I don't get it. How can you and Glitter just stop being friends? Best friends don't do that.
34698,121,6,9,"Robin: Well, we did, okay? And I haven't talked to her in, like, five years, so just drop it. I got to go."
34699,121,6,9,Lily: Whoa. What do you think came between Robin and Jessica?
34700,121,6,9,"Ted: Much like our friends, the Space Teens, I think I can solve this crime with math. Okay... Okay, here is a Christmas card that Jessica sent Robin. Lily, how old would you say that kid is?"
34701,121,6,9,"Lily: Four years, three months."
34702,121,6,9,Ted: Which means Jessica got pregnant five years ago. Right around the time she and Robin stopped being friends.
34703,121,6,9,Marshall: Of course. Robin hates kids.
34704,121,6,9,Barney: The last thing she would want to do is hang out with some little brat.
34705,121,6,9,"Ted: Thus, if I may... When Glitter's womb a fruit did bear, Robin said, ""To hell with this, I'm outta hare. Glitter got pregnant, so Robin dumped her."
34706,121,6,9,"Marshall: That's got to be it, right, Lil? Lil?"
34707,121,6,9,Lily: Robin's gonna dump me!
34708,121,6,9,"Marshall: Oh, sweetheart."
34709,121,6,9,Ted: When a second uterus plumped becomes...
34710,121,6,9,Marshall: Dude. Feel the room.
34711,121,6,9,Ted's appartment
34712,121,6,9,Robin: No.
34713,121,6,9,Ted: We've been waiting all day!
34714,121,6,9,Robin: Just watch it without me.
34715,121,6,9,Barney: Two dudes on the couch together watching p0rn? That's kind of weird.
34716,121,6,9,"Robin: Okay, it's not p0rn, it's a kids' show."
34717,121,6,9,Ted: Two dudes watching a kids' show might be worse.
34718,121,6,9,"Robin: Okay, fine, I'll watch it with you. Yeah! But if either of you makes even one peep about the show being dirty, I'm turning it off."
34719,121,6,9,Barney: We...
34720,121,6,9,Robin: I'm serious.
34721,121,6,9,"Robin Sparkles: Hey Jessica, how's your beaver?"
34722,121,6,9,(Ted and Barney spill their beer)
34723,121,6,9,Jessica Glitter: Great. How's your beaver?
34724,121,6,9,Robin Sparkles: Busy as ever!
34725,121,6,9,Robin: Our characters had pet beavers.
34726,121,6,9,Ted: Sure.
34727,121,6,9,Robin: The beaver is the official animal of Canada. It's our national mascot.
34728,121,6,9,Barney: It's a noble creature.
34729,121,6,9,"Man: Okay, girls. Everyone knows a beaver's favorite food is wood. I just hope we brought along enough of it for our three-day galactic space journey. So let's do the math. If Robin's beaver devours six inches of wood every half hour, and Jessica's beaver devours eight inches of wood every 45 minutes, how much wood will I need to keep both of these beavers well-fed all weekend long? While you figure it out at home, how about we sing you a song about our beavers?"
34730,121,6,9,(Ted and Barney starts laughing)
34731,121,6,9,"Robin: Hey! No! You don't get to hear the beaver song! It is a sweet song about friendship, and you guys are being disgusting, and beavers are adorable!"
34732,121,6,9,Barney: No arguments here.
34733,121,6,9,(Someone is knocking at the door; Ted opens it)
34734,121,6,9,Punchy: 'Sup Shmosby!
34735,121,6,9,"Ted: Punchy, what are you doing here?"
34736,121,6,9,"Punchy: Well, yesterday you said if I was ever in New York. 'Sup, turds?"
34737,121,6,9,"Ted: Okay, uh, uh, where are you staying?"
34738,121,6,9,"Punchy:In your mom's pants. Trick. She's old. Hey, don't worry about me. I'm cool on the couch."
34739,121,6,9,Robin: Whoa. He's staying here? You're staying here?
34740,121,6,9,"Punchy: I know! It's so good, right? Feel like you're dreaming? But check your totem, brah. Punchy's here in the flesh. So, why don't we get one of these, Ted? Yeah. Remember these? High school? Junior high? Yeah. Elementary school? Remember those?"
34741,121,6,9,"Look, look, Punchy's here."
34742,121,6,9,
34743,121,6,9,The Bar
34744,121,6,9,"Punchy: Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied in your pants down by the lake? Unbelievable!"
34745,121,6,9,(Punchy stands up and goes away)
34746,121,6,9,"Robin: Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied on our couch in the form of your idiot high school friend? Unbelievable!"
34747,121,6,9,Ted: Come on. I worry about the guy. He's had the same dead-end job at a car rental place for 15 years.
34748,121,6,9,Robin: Don't care.
34749,121,6,9,Ted: He's been stuck in Cleveland his whole life.
34750,121,6,9,Robin: Get a hotel.
34751,121,6,9,Ted: Robin... LeBron.
34752,121,6,9,"Robin: Okay, one night. Got to go."
34753,121,6,9,(Marshall and Lily comes in)
34754,121,6,9,Lily: Where are you going? We just got here.
34755,121,6,9,"Robin: Oh, a Korean massage."
34756,121,6,9,Lily: By yourself?
34757,121,6,9,"Robin: Well, I figured you'd be busy, reading What to Expect When You're Expecting to Expect."
34758,121,6,9,"Lily: Guys, did you see that? She's going to a Korean massage without me. That's our thing. I'm telling you, she's gonna dump me, just like she dumped Glitter."
34759,121,6,9,"Marshall: Lily, come on. We don't even know that's what happened."
34760,121,6,9,"Ted: Um, hello, somebody already solved that crime using math, remember?"
34761,121,6,9,"Marshall: Look, Lily. Robin is clearly getting tired of you constantly talking about babies."
34762,121,6,9,Lily: I don't.
34763,121,6,9,"Marshall: Lily, how old am I?"
34764,121,6,9,Lily: 384 months.
34765,121,6,9,Punchy: Busted!
34766,121,6,9,"Marshall: Okay. So before you Lily all over the place, maybe you should try hanging out with Robin and not talking about babies."
34767,121,6,9,Ted from 2030: So Lily did just that. She tried not to talk about babies.
34768,121,6,9,"Robin: Hey, Lily, what brings you to the crib?"
34769,121,6,9,Lily: Crib...
34770,121,6,9,Robin: What's the matter? You look rattled.
34771,121,6,9,Lily: Rattled? I want to talk about babies.
34772,121,6,9,Robin: What?
34773,121,6,9,"Lily: Look, I know you don't care about this stuff, but I'm about to become a mother. And as a future mother, I'm gonna need the support..."
34774,121,6,9,"Robin: Oh, my God! You're not even pregnant yet."
34775,121,6,9,Lily: What's that supposed to mean?
34776,121,6,9,"Robin: It means that a fertilized egg has not yet attached itself to the lining of your uterine wall. You see? I read your Facebook updates. God, it's like it's all you ever talk about, Lily, and I'm sick of it!"
34777,121,6,9,"Lily: Well, guess what? I've got some good news. When that baby comes, you don't have to see it. In fact, you don't have to see me. This whole friendship thing? Done."
34778,121,6,9,Robin: Great.
34779,121,6,9,Lily: Great.
34780,121,6,9,"(Robin opens the appartment's entry door, Lily goes out)"
34781,121,6,9,Marshall's and Lily's bedroom
34782,121,6,9,Marshall: For crying out loud. You broke up with Robin?
34783,121,6,9,"Lily: I had to. We were growing apart, and we're better off without each other."
34784,121,6,9,"Marshall: Okay, Lily, you sound about as convincing as you did the time you ""accidentally"" shredded my Joey Buttafuoco pants."
34785,121,6,9,Lily: No!
34786,121,6,9,"Marshall: Get on the phone, call Robin and fix this."
34787,121,6,9,Lily: I can't. The damage is done. Can you just hold me?
34788,121,6,9,"Marshall: You know what? No. I don't agree with what you did, and so I refuse to comfort you, despite how adorable you are when you cry."
34789,121,6,9,Lily: Okay.
34790,121,6,9,"Marshall: Okay. Maybe just one cuddle, but then that is it."
34791,121,6,9,The Bar
34792,121,6,9,Punchy: Times Square's the bomb! I got so many great pictures of all the billboards.
34793,121,6,9,"Ted: Yeah. You know, there's more to New York than Times Square. There's the Village, the Lower East Side, Central Park..."
34794,121,6,9,Punchy: They got better billboards then the ones in Times Square?
34795,121,6,9,Ted: No.
34796,121,6,9,Punchy: Times Square's the bomb!
34797,121,6,9,"Ted: Here. You know what? Hold this, okay?"
34798,121,6,9,Punchy: I'm going to go pee in the jar I got going in the alley.
34799,121,6,9,"Barney: Seriously, dude, he has got to go. You need to be like, ""You are the weakest link. Goodbye."" Punchy, the tribe has spoken. Please pack up your knives and go. Your work of art didn't work for us. Your time's up. I have to ask you to leave the mansion. You must leave the chateau. Your tour ends here. You've been chopped."
34800,121,6,9,"Ted: Okay, yeah. I know."
34801,121,6,9,"Barney: You've been evicted from the Big Brother house. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Sashay away. Give me your jacket and leave Hell's Kitchen. I'm sorry, you did not get a rose. You have been eliminated from the race. You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model. You're fired. Auf Wiedersehen."
34802,121,6,9,"Punchy: Ted, come look at this. I found a little wounded bird in the alley."
34803,121,6,9,Ted: That's your scrotum.
34804,121,6,9,"Punchy: You know what it is, Ted. You know what it is. Come on, Ted. You always fall for that."
34805,121,6,9,"Ted: Yeah, he's gotta go."
34806,121,6,9,The Madison Square Garden
34807,121,6,9,Lily: What are we doing in Madison Square Garden?
34808,121,6,9,"Marshall: Okay, you refused to talk to Robin. So I thought that you might like to talk to... the organist for the New York Rangers. Jessica Glitter?!"
34809,121,6,9,Lily: How did you find Glitter?
34810,121,6,9,"Marshall: Simple, really. I used my powers of deduction. You see, I knew Glitter used to be a keytarist, which is basically a piano, so I just made a list of all the keyboard-based occupations and then I cross-matched them..."
34811,121,6,9,"Jessica Glitter: His friend Barney looked me up, hoping to buy my Space Teens costume."
34812,121,6,9,"Marshall: Yo, Glitter... Be cool."
34813,121,6,9,"Jessica Glitter: So, is this the one who's best friends with Robin now?"
34814,121,6,9,Lily: More like ex-best friends. Just like you.
34815,121,6,9,Jessica Glitter: I'm sorry to hear that. I miss Robin.
34816,121,6,9,"Lily: Yeah, well, Marshall and I are about to get pregnant, and I know she stopped being friends with you when you had a baby, so..."
34817,121,6,9,"Jessica Glitter: Oh, Robin didn't stop being friends with me. I stopped being friends with her."
34818,121,6,9,Lily: What? Why?
34819,121,6,9,"Jessica Glitter: Because I had a baby. Honey, when you have a baby, all that best friend stuff-- hockey, bow hunting for caribou, math...that all goes out the window. I mean, I tried to stay friends with her, but it just didn't happen. She took it pretty hard. I even thought she might try to kill herself."
34820,121,6,9,Marshall: Charge!
34821,121,6,9,Lily: Wow. You dumped her just because you had a baby? That's cold.
34822,121,6,9,Jessica Glitter: Didn't you do the same thing? Minus the baby?
34823,121,6,9,"Lily: Oh, God. I gotta go. I gotta go apologize to Robin. I- I need to tell her I love her, and that she'll always be a priority."
34824,121,6,9,"Jessica Glitter: Be careful, Lily. I made those promises, too. And now I haven't even talked to her in five years. Sure, I thought about picking up the phone and calling her a hundred times, but I just never have the courage to actually...(Marshall is playing the piano) Hey. Go ahead."
34825,121,6,9,Ted's appartment
34826,121,6,9,"Punchy: Hey, do you guys get Big Chuck and Little John out here?"
34827,121,6,9,"Ted: Punchy, it's time to go back."
34828,121,6,9,Punchy: Back to Times Square?!
34829,121,6,9,"Ted: Uh, no. Back-Back to Cleveland."
34830,121,6,9,"Punchy: I don't know if I can do that, bro. I mean, yeah, I've been jonesing for a piece of Cleveland-style pizza, but I feel bad about leaving you out here. I worry about you, Ted."
34831,121,6,9,Ted: You worry about me?
34832,121,6,9,"Punchy: Yeah. The other day, when you called..."
34833,121,6,9,[FLASHBACK]
34834,121,6,9,Punchy: Schmosby!
34835,121,6,9,Ted: Punchy!
34836,121,6,9,"Punchy: Hey, good talking to you, Ted."
34837,121,6,9,"Ted: Yeah. You, too. If you're ever in New York..."
34838,121,6,9,Punchy: Definitely.
34839,121,6,9,"Woman: Sweetie, who was that?"
34840,121,6,9,Punchy: It was my friend Ted. He sounded kind of depressed.
34841,121,6,9,Woman: Is this the Ted who got left at the altar?
34842,121,6,9,"Punchy: Yeah. He's not doing so good. Poor guy lives in a tiny apartment in New York, nowhere near Times Square. He's got no family around. He's still single, doesn't have a backyard. It's just a bummer."
34843,121,6,9,"Woman: Maybe you should go visit him. Cheer him up a little. You know, buy him some shots, do the whole wounded bird trick."
34844,121,6,9,Punchy: You think that would work?
34845,121,6,9,Woman: Worked on me.
34846,121,6,9,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34847,121,6,9,"Ted: Wow. She sounds pretty great, Punchy."
34848,121,6,9,"Punchy: She's my angel. In fact, uh... We're getting married."
34849,121,6,9,Ted: Wow! Wow! That's... I'm-I'm really happy for you.
34850,121,6,9,"Punchy: Thanks, Ted. Thanks. Actually, that's the other reason why I came out here. I wanted to see if you'd be my best man."
34851,121,6,9,Ted: Of course I will.
34852,121,6,9,"Punchy: Yeah! That's great! No, you're stupid. Oh, that's it..."
34853,121,6,9,"Ted from 2030: That night, Lily went to the one place she knew she could find Robin-- New York's premiere Canadian bar, the Hoser Hut."
34854,121,6,9,The Hoser Hut
34855,121,6,9,"Lily: Oh, there you are. Robin, I owe you a huge apology."
34856,121,6,9,"Robin: No, okay? Me first. I've been pulling away from you, and I'm sorry. It's just, the last time my best friend had a baby..."
34857,121,6,9,Lily: I know. I know all about it. It's not gonna happen with you and me. And I'm sorry I've been going crazy with this baby stuff. I know you hate babies.
34858,121,6,9,"Robin: Whoa. Look, I hate most babies. But your baby? I'm gonna love that kid so much. I'm gonna pick it up and everything."
34859,121,6,9,(Robin and Lily hug)
34860,121,6,9,Marshall: I'm so happy you guys made up.
34861,121,6,9,"Ted: Me, too."
34862,121,6,9,Barney: Where do I know this song from?
34863,121,6,9,"Robin: Oh, my God. It's the beaver song. Okay, which one of you put this on?"
34864,121,6,9,"Jessica, singing: * Hey, beaver, come on; When you feel alone; Just pick up that phone; And I'll be there to share my... *"
34865,121,6,9,Robin and Jessica: * Ice cream cone; We'll lick it side by side *
34866,121,6,9,Barney: Wow. This is so dirty.
34867,121,6,9,"Marshall: Come on, Barney. It's a sweet song about friendship."
34868,121,6,9,"Ted: Yeah, dude, come on."
34869,121,6,9,"Robin and Jessica: * Day is done; Two beavers are better than one; Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah; Two beavers are better than one; They're twice the fun; Ask anyone; A second beaver can be second to none; Two beavers are better than one. *"
34870,121,6,9,"Robin: *Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah...*"
34871,121,6,9,Jessica: *You're my favorite beaver...*
34872,121,6,9,"Robin and Jessica: *Two beavers are better than one. Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah; Two beavers are better than one; They're twice the fun; Ask anyone; A second beaver ; Can be second to none.*"
34873,121,6,9,Robot: Two beavers are better than one. *
34874,122,6,10,"Ted from 2030: Kids, in the fall of 2010, I was hosting my very first Thanksgiving. And I wanted it to be unforgettable."
34875,122,6,10,The Bar
34876,122,6,10,"Ted: Instead of stuffing, I'm going to fill the turkey with... a slightly smaller turkey. It's called a Turturkeykey!"
34877,122,6,10,Lily: A Turturkeykey?
34878,122,6,10,"Robin: Yeah, I was there for the ""insertion."" He used shoehorns. I'll be having sides."
34879,122,6,10,"Ted: Your loss. All right, it's dead in here. I'm gonna call it a little early."
34880,122,6,10,"Barney: What? No! You can't go now. It's the night before Thanksgiving. College chicks are back in town. Their moms just made a snide comment about the weight they gained. They called her a bitch, but deep down, they know she's right. And they're about to walk through that door, where we will be waiting with some light beer and some rock hard approval. Wh-what u-up?"
34881,122,6,10,"Marshall: Yeah. You don't want to bail early, man. You could become The Blitz."
34882,122,6,10,"Ted from 2030: Blitz was a guy we knew in college. Sadly, he was cursed."
34883,122,6,10,[FLASHBACK]
34884,122,6,10,Blitz: Well... I'm calling it a little early.
34885,122,6,10,Ted: Wh... you sure? We got big plans.
34886,122,6,10,"Marshall: Yeah. Remember how last week we fired up a sandwich, and we listened to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon while watching The Wizard of Oz?"
34887,122,6,10,"Ted: Well, tonight, we're doing the same thing, only with ""Weird Al"" Yankovic's Greatest Hits and Apocalypse Now."
34888,122,6,10,Marshall: We'll see what happens.
34889,122,6,10,"Blitz: Nah, it's Kraft/Croft night: mac and cheese and Tomb Raider. Biz-zow!"
34890,122,6,10,"Ted from 2030: You see, every time Blitz left a place, something amazing happened."
34891,122,6,10,(A woman enters the room with only a towel on her)
34892,122,6,10,Woman: Oh! I'm sorry. I thought this was my room.
34893,122,6,10,(The towel falls down. Later...)
34894,122,6,10,Ted: Completely naked!
34895,122,6,10,Marshall: Completely naked!
34896,122,6,10,"Blitz: Aw, man!"
34897,122,6,10,Marshall: And the movie was awesome.
34898,122,6,10,"Blitz: Aw, man!"
34899,122,6,10,"Ted: At the exact moment Brando first appeared, ""Weird Al"" launched right into ""Eat It."""
34900,122,6,10,"Blitz: Aw, man!"
34901,122,6,10,"Ted from 2030: And over the years, ""The Curse of The Blitz"" continued."
34902,122,6,10,"(Later, at the Bar...)"
34903,122,6,10,"Blitz: Well, I'm gonna call it. I just got Madden 2K1, and I can't stop thinking about it."
34904,122,6,10,(Blitz leaves)
34905,122,6,10,Bar Tender: Tap's broke! Can't turn 'em off! Free beer for everyone!
34906,122,6,10,(cheering)
34907,122,6,10,Ted: Free beer for everyone!
34908,122,6,10,Marshall: Free beer for everyone!
34909,122,6,10,"Blitz: Aw, man!"
34910,122,6,10,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34911,122,6,10,"Marshall: You know what? Ted, go ahead-- leave early to do something lame. Just don't blame us if you become... The Blitz."
34912,122,6,10,"Ted: All right, first of all... there's nothing lame about brining a Turturkeykey, copyright pending. And secondly, I don't believe ""The Curse of The Blitz"" is real. (gasps)"
34913,122,6,10,"Ted from 2030: Kids, I'd live to regret those words. You see, the ""Curse of Blitz"" could be passed from one person to the next, at any moment. Blitz had gotten the curse from Jerry Windheim, back in freshman year, who got it years before that from Davey Beaterman. The original Blitz, Matt Blitz, was a guy who went to Wesleyan back in the '60s. He dropped out right before the school went co-ed. And then, Thanksgiving morning..."
34914,122,6,10,Ted's appartment
34915,122,6,10,(Ted goes out of his room and find the living room completely trashed)
34916,122,6,10,Ted: What the hell happened here?
34917,122,6,10,"Robin: Hey! Morning, Blitz!"
34918,122,6,10,"Ted: Aw, man! No, no! Let's get one thing straight, okay? I am not The Blitz."
34919,122,6,10,"Barney, singing: My Blitzy lies over the ocean; My Blitzy lies over the sea; My Blitzy lies over the ocean; So bring back my Blitzy..."
34920,122,6,10,"Ted: Please stop. Okay, fine."
34921,122,6,10,Barney:...To me.
34922,122,6,10,Lily: The Gentleman!
34923,122,6,10,Everyone: The Gentleman!
34924,122,6,10,"Ted: Wait! Wait! Wait! What's that? What's ""The Gentleman""?"
34925,122,6,10,"Lily: Oh, you had to be there, Blitz. Yes."
34926,122,6,10,"Ted: I'm not The Blitz! (Ted goes into the bathroom, he hears a person yawning and opens the bath curtain) Zoey?"
34927,122,6,10,"Zoey: Morning, Blitz!"
34928,122,6,10,[OPENING CREDITS]
34929,122,6,10,"Ted from 2030: Kids, you remember Zoey. For the last two months, she'd been making my life hell."
34930,122,6,10,(Zoey leaves the appartment)
34931,122,6,10,"Zoey: Thanks, guys! Last night was amazing! The Gentleman!"
34932,122,6,10,Everyone: The Gentle...
34933,122,6,10,"Ted: How could you, my best friends in the world, hang out with my mortal enemy, then let her sleep in the tub where I clean myself?!"
34934,122,6,10,"Lily: Sorry, Ted. We can explain. After you Blitzed out last night..."
34935,122,6,10,Ted:I'm not The Blitz!
34936,122,6,10,[FLASHBACK]
34937,122,6,10,"Lily: Oh, my God... That's Zoey! That's Ted's enemy. Which means she's our enemy. Let's take this bitch down."
34938,122,6,10,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34939,122,6,10,Lily: Huh? Huh? Who's got your back? Now let's have dinner!
34940,122,6,10,"Ted: Finish the story, Red."
34941,122,6,10,"Lily: Okay, well, we all started brainstorming ways to mess with her. There were a lot of different ideas kicking around."
34942,122,6,10,[FLASHBACK]
34943,122,6,10,"Barney: And then I'm just going to leave her there... buck-naked, covered in candle wax, tied to the bed."
34944,122,6,10,"Marshall: Barney, I know that Ted doesn't like that girl, but that's a little extreme."
34945,122,6,10,Barney: Wait... Ted doesn't like that girl?
34946,122,6,10,"Lily: Okay. Wh...? Well, I got it. You see that silk scarf? I'm going to steal it."
34947,122,6,10,(Lily goes over to Zoey et try to steal her scarf)
34948,122,6,10,Zoey: Can I... help you?
34949,122,6,10,"Lily: Yeah. Yeah! My name is Lily Aldrin. I'm a friend of Ted Mosby's, so you better..."
34950,122,6,10,Zoey: You're Lily Aldrin? The painter?!
34951,122,6,10,"Lily: Well, yeah."
34952,122,6,10,Zoey: You're amazing! I bought a bunch of your paintings online.
34953,122,6,10,Lily: (gasps) That was you?!
34954,122,6,10,Zoey: Yeah.
34955,122,6,10,Lily: Oh! Thanks!
34956,122,6,10,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34957,122,6,10,"Robin: Look, none of us meant for it to happen, but, well, we had an awesome night with her."
34958,122,6,10,[FLASHBACK]
34959,122,6,10,"Everyone: The Gentleman! (whooping, applause)"
34960,122,6,10,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34961,122,6,10,"Lily: And then, the craziest thing happened."
34962,122,6,10,[FLASHBACK]
34963,122,6,10,(A dog is skate-boarding)
34964,122,6,10,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34965,122,6,10,Ted: I missed a skateboarding dog?
34966,122,6,10,"Lily: Yeah, but that wasn't the crazy part."
34967,122,6,10,Ted: It wasn't?
34968,122,6,10,[FLASHBACK]
34969,122,6,10,"Zoey: Okay, Marshall. Truth or dare?"
34970,122,6,10,"Marshall: Okay, awesome. Well, Lily doesn't let me do truths. So, dare."
34971,122,6,10,Zoey: Okay. I dare you to send a picture of your junk to a complete stranger.
34972,122,6,10,"(all laughing, gasping)"
34973,122,6,10,Marshall: Best idea ever!
34974,122,6,10,[END OF FLASHBACK]
34975,122,6,10,"Marshall: Worst idea ever! My junk ended up in some stranger's pocket. If there phone was on vibrate, I basically dry-humped them."
34976,122,6,10,[FLASHBACK]
34977,122,6,10,Zoey: Okay. Everybody shout out random numbers.
34978,122,6,10,"Blitz: 4, 8... 15, 16, 23, 42!"
34979,122,6,10,Zoey: And... send!
34980,122,6,10,(cheering)
34981,122,6,10,[END O FLASHBACK]
34982,122,6,10,"Ted: Wait. Blitz was there, too?"
34983,122,6,10,Blitz: The Gentleman!
34984,122,6,10,Everyone: The Gentleman!
34985,122,6,10,"Blitz: Oh, I was there for the whole thing. Something inside me just said ""Grand Theft Auto"" can wait a night."
34986,122,6,10,"Barney: It was legen-- wait for Ted to leave, 'cause he's now The Blitz-- -- dary. Legendary!"
34987,122,6,10,Ted: I'm not The Blitz!
34988,122,6,10,"Marshall: I'm afraid you are, Ted. You see, when you left last night, you changed the course of Blitztory."
34989,122,6,10,Mysterious voice: Blitz...
34990,122,6,10,"Blitz: I'm finally free! I mean, you have no idea what I've missed all these years: The university president's toupee being snatched by a hawk at graduation, Zeppelin reuniting at my cousin Ira's bar mitzvah, countless nip-slips, crotch shots, shooting stars and double rainbows. I've missed them all!"
34991,122,6,10,"Barney: Well, not anymore, Blitz."
34992,122,6,10,"Blitz: My name's not Blitz. My name is Steve! Colors seem so bright now. Thank you, Blitz."
34993,122,6,10,"Ted: What? No! N- n-n-n-no! N-n-no! I'm not The Blitz! The only thing I missed last night was my best friends stabbing me in the back by hanging out with my worst enemy. Guys! I hate Zoey! That means you're supposed to hate her, too! Th-that's your rule, Lily!"
34994,122,6,10,Lily: I tried.
34995,122,6,10,"Ted: Tried?! Lily, do you have any idea how many people I've blindly hated for you? I hated Renée Zellweger with a burning passion for eight years, only to discover you meant Reese Witherspoon!"
34996,122,6,10,"Lily: Hey, I will hate her until I get my money back for You, Me and Dupree!"
34997,122,6,10,Ted: That's Kate Hudson!
34998,122,6,10,"Lily: Oh, yeah. That's who I hate. Guys, we hate Kate Hudson."
34999,122,6,10,"Ted: No, we hate Zoey! I'm so furious at you all right now, but it's Thanksgiving, and I have a Turturkeykey to make. And not that I'm The Blitz, but could everyone please come with me into the kitchen? (all murmuring) Okay, I'm, uh, just gonna preheat the oven."
35000,122,6,10,Robin: The oven.
35001,122,6,10,[FLASHBAK]
35002,122,6,10,"Barney: Hey, Robin, you should dance on the oven."
35003,122,6,10,"(all agreeing, whooping)"
35004,122,6,10,"Everyone, chanting: Make out with Zoey! Make out with Zoey! Make out..."
35005,122,6,10,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35006,122,6,10,"(Ted opens the oven, and its door stays stuck in his hand)"
35007,122,6,10,Steve: Did they tell you about the skateboarding dog? It was awesome!
35008,122,6,10,"Ted: Great. So not only did you guys betray me, but you broke my oven on Thanksgiving?"
35009,122,6,10,"Barney: Full disclosure. We also used all your butter, greasing up Lily so we could see how far we could slide her down the hall."
35010,122,6,10,"Lily: But if it helps, I reached 4G."
35011,122,6,10,Ted: It doesn't help. 4G? No. What-What are we supposed to do now?
35012,122,6,10,Inside a cab
35013,122,6,10,Steve: This is awesome! I'm part of this!
35014,122,6,10,
35015,122,6,10,Barney's appartment
35016,122,6,10,"Ted: Barney, I don't know if the oven is deep enough. Plus, it's a display made of cardboard."
35017,122,6,10,Barney: Huh. I should probably disconnect the gas.
35018,122,6,10,In the cab
35019,122,6,10,"Marshall: Hey, just so you guys know, there was a tiny explosion at the sewage treatment plant across the street from our apartment, but I'm sure it's fine by now."
35020,122,6,10,A kitchen
35021,122,6,10,Steve: This is awesome!
35022,122,6,10,Ted: It's not awesome!
35023,122,6,10,Robin: I think the smaller turkey just tried to crawl further inside the bigger turkey.
35024,122,6,10,The cab
35025,122,6,10,Barney: Um... Um... I'm have... I'm having trouble breathing!
35026,122,6,10,At Steve's
35027,122,6,10,"Steve: Mom keeps an extra litter box in here. There you go. Good as new. Oh. Hey, Ginger."
35028,122,6,10,The cab
35029,122,6,10,"Lily: Ted, you're not gonna like this, but we do have one other option."
35030,122,6,10,[FLASHBACK]
35031,122,6,10,"Zoey: Hey, you guys should come to my house for Thanksgiving. My husband always spends it with his daughter, so I'm going to be alone anyway."
35032,122,6,10,Lily: Could we bring Ted?
35033,122,6,10,Zoey: It's Thanksgiving. What the hell?
35034,122,6,10,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35035,122,6,10,Ted: No. Absolutely not.
35036,122,6,10,Lily: Come on. Give her a chance.
35037,122,6,10,"Robin: Ted, you violated a dead turkey with another dead turkey. Don't let that be in vain."
35038,122,6,10,Marshall: Guys? Wait a minute. Where's Barney?
35039,122,6,10,Inside another cab
35040,122,6,10,"Barney: And here's the twist, Babaka. Because Ted left early, he's now The Blitz."
35041,122,6,10,"Babaka: But Barney, now you left the group. Wouldn't that put you in danger of becoming The Blitz yourself?"
35042,122,6,10,Barney: No. I c... Because... Step on it.
35043,122,6,10,In front of the elevator of Zoey's building
35044,122,6,10,Marshall: You missed it.
35045,122,6,10,"Steve: Oh, my goodness. Our cab took a wrong turn. We were in the Thanksgiving Day parade!"
35046,122,6,10,"Robin: Tony Bennett passed Ted the mike and he sang ""Twist and Shout!"""
35047,122,6,10,Barney: But he's The Blitz.
35048,122,6,10,Ted: No. I'm not The Blitz. I'm The Bueller. You know what this means. You're The Blitz.
35049,122,6,10,Mysterious voice: Blitz...
35050,122,6,10,"Barney: Oh, God, no!"
35051,122,6,10,"Marshall: Life moves pretty fast, Barney. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it."
35052,122,6,10,Ted: Chicka-chicka!
35053,122,6,10,(Lily knocks on Zoey's door)
35054,122,6,10,Zoey: Happy Thanksgiving! Ted.
35055,122,6,10,Ted: Zoey.
35056,122,6,10,Lily: Best friend alert!
35057,122,6,10,"Ted: Okay, the Turturkeykey is officially cooking."
35058,122,6,10,"Marshall: Oh, God, that is disgusting!"
35059,122,6,10,"Ted: Okay, guys, that's starting to hurt."
35060,122,6,10,"Marshall: No... no, Ted. Random number guy just sent me his wang back."
35061,122,6,10,"Robin: Wow. You sent a wang out, and you got a wang back."
35062,122,6,10,Lily: It's a boom-a-wang.
35063,122,6,10,Robin: Nice.
35064,122,6,10,Lily: Thank you.
35065,122,6,10,"Robin: No, I meant the wang."
35066,122,6,10,"Zoey: Barney, could you get me some more ice?"
35067,122,6,10,Barney: Sure. But... no one move while I'm gone. (whispering): I'm scared.
35068,122,6,10,Steve: You're safe. It's okay to leave the room. You have to actually leave the building for something cool to happen.
35069,122,6,10,Barney: Thanks. You're the only one who's nice to me about this.
35070,122,6,10,"Steve: Okay, I got to test this."
35071,122,6,10,"(Steve throw a coin in the air, and it lands on its edge, everyone start yelling happily)"
35072,122,6,10,Barney: What happened?
35073,122,6,10,Lily: You missed it!
35074,122,6,10,"Marshall: Dude, you walked out of the room, the laws of physics stopped and the laws of awesome tripled."
35075,122,6,10,"Barney: Aw, man! You said I could leave the room!"
35076,122,6,10,Steve: I just wanted to see something cool happen. I'm sorry. But I was on that island for what seems like eternity. I'm going to enjoy things on the other side.
35077,122,6,10,"Barney: No! Y-You... Robin, Robin. I will pay you to be The Blitz. $100! No-- $10,000. No-- 60 bucks. That's a lot of money for someone like you."
35078,122,6,10,"Marshall: Dude, The Blitz isn't something that can be bought or sold."
35079,122,6,10,"Zoey: Yeah, it's not like Ted's integrity."
35080,122,6,10,"Ted: Oh, what was that? I was distracted by the four-caret diamond your 53-year-old husband bought you."
35081,122,6,10,Steve: Facial!
35082,122,6,10,"Ted: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a turturkeykey to baste."
35083,122,6,10,Zoey: I'm coming with you.
35084,122,6,10,Ted: No... I baste alone.
35085,122,6,10,"Zoey: Oh, I'm sure you're a master baster, Ted."
35086,122,6,10,Steve: Word play. Loving it.
35087,122,6,10,Zoey: But relax. I've got a ton of sides to heat up since my plans fell through.
35088,122,6,10,Ted: Who canceled? Your coven?
35089,122,6,10,Steve: Coven. Group of witches.
35090,122,6,10,Zoey: Yeah. They were worn out from putting that spell on your hair.
35091,122,6,10,Steve: Oh! Serve returned.
35092,122,6,10,Ted: Are you happy? You're ruining Thanksgiving.
35093,122,6,10,"Zoey: Well, you're not exactly who I thought I'd be spending Thanksgiving with, either."
35094,122,6,10,"Steve: God, I'm so happy to be here. My face hurts from smiling."
35095,122,6,10,"Ted: Oh... I'm sorry, Lily. I'm just never going to like that woman."
35096,122,6,10,"Lily: Ted, give her a chance."
35097,122,6,10,Ted: Enemies can't become friends.
35098,122,6,10,"Zoey: Yes, they can. Right, guys?"
35099,122,6,10,"Ted: No, no, no. You guys can't be objective. You still feel guilty about last night."
35100,122,6,10,"Robin: Well, let's get an outside opinion."
35101,122,6,10,Ted: Who are we gonna...
35102,122,6,10,"Robin: ""Dear Wang Guy...Can enemies ever be friends? Just wondering."""
35103,122,6,10,Ted: Really? Wang Guy? We're asking Wang Guy?
35104,122,6,10,"Robin: He's bold and uninhibited, so why not? And guys, you know what? For fun, why don't we ask him what he does for a living? Wouldn't that be fun? Just ask..."
35105,122,6,10,"Lily: Aww. You've got a little crush on Wang Guy, don't you?"
35106,122,6,10,Robin: What? No. Shut up. I hate him.
35107,122,6,10,(cell phone chimes)
35108,122,6,10,"Marshall: Oh, look. We got an answer. Here it is. ""Yes, enemies can become friends. ""Remember what Gandhi said. 'Be the change you want to see in the world.'"""
35109,122,6,10,"Steve: Uh, did Wang Guy just quote Gandhi?"
35110,122,6,10,"Barney, laughing: That is amazing. And I was here for it. Now Zoey is The Blitz. Ha, ha! (weak laugh) Burn on her."
35111,122,6,10,"Steve: Come on, man. Don't be that Blitz."
35112,122,6,10,Barney: I'm not any Blitz! You're The Blitz! You're all The Blitz! I slept with that cute Indian girl who cuts my hair!
35113,122,6,10,Robin: What does that have to do with anything?
35114,122,6,10,Barney: Nothing! I just forgot to brag about it before!
35115,122,6,10,"Ted: Guys, despite the wit and wisdom of Wang Guy, Zoey and I are never going to be friends. We're just here for her oven and that's it."
35116,122,6,10,"(Ted inadvertantly bumps into Zoey, the entire bowl she was holding spills onto her)"
35117,122,6,10,"Ted: Oh, my God!"
35118,122,6,10,Zoey: Did you do that on purpose?
35119,122,6,10,Ted: What? No. It was an accident.
35120,122,6,10,"Zoey: Oh, yeah. Well, like this is."
35121,122,6,10,"Ted: Oh, great. Real mature."
35122,122,6,10,"Zoey: Yeah, well, you started it."
35123,122,6,10,(Ted and Zoey are shouting)
35124,122,6,10,"Lily: Just stop it! God, can't you two just stop fighting for one day? Like, when the Roadrunner and the Coyote clocked out and had a beer together? Or-Or-Or Tom and Jerry shared a cup of coffee."
35125,122,6,10,"Ted: Lily, those are cartoon characters, and I'm pretty sure you're making up episodes. And if Zoey is a cartoon character, she's Cinderella's evil stepmother!"
35126,122,6,10,"Zoey: Oh, get out. All of you, out!"
35127,122,6,10,Lily: But it's Thanksgiving.
35128,122,6,10,Steve: And I'm a part of it.
35129,122,6,10,Zoey: Out!
35130,122,6,10,Inside a cab
35131,122,6,10,Marshall: Wait... Where's Barney?
35132,122,6,10,At Zoey's
35133,122,6,10,"Barney: Hey, guys, the most amazing thing just happened to me in that other roo... Aw, man."
35134,122,6,10,Inside the cab
35135,122,6,10,Lily: I don't get it. Why'd she just kick us out like that?
35136,122,6,10,Ted from 2030: And then the cab driver said the last thing any of us wanted to hear.
35137,122,6,10,Driver: Where to?
35138,122,6,10,Ted: I guess we're going home.
35139,122,6,10,Driver: Yeah. I don't know where that is.
35140,122,6,10,"Ted: Lily, where'd you get that?"
35141,122,6,10,"Lily: Oh. When Zoey booted us, it made me want to steal something of hers again. Apartment full of designer labels, and what do I grab? ""Happy Turkey Day, Hannah. Love, Zoey."" I wonder who Hannah is."
35142,122,6,10,[FLASHBACK]
35143,122,6,10,"Zoey: Hey, you guys should come to my house for Thanksgiving. My husband always spends it with his daughter, so I'm going to be alone, anyway. Well, you're not exactly who I thought I'd be spending Thanksgiving with, either."
35144,122,6,10,"Ted: And if Zoey is a cartoon character, she's Cinderella's evil stepmother!"
35145,122,6,10,"Zoey: Get out! All of you, out!"
35146,122,6,10,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35147,122,6,10,Ted: We have to go back to Zoey's.
35148,122,6,10,"Driver: You gotta throw me some addresses, buddy."
35149,122,6,10,At Zoey's
35150,122,6,10,"Zoey: Oh, God. What are you doing here?"
35151,122,6,10,Ted: Barney let us in.
35152,122,6,10,Zoey: Barney was here? I was walking around half-naked.
35153,122,6,10,"Barney: Aw, man! Wait. Which half?"
35154,122,6,10,"Ted: Look, I'm sorry your stepdaughter didn't want to spend Thanksgiving with you."
35155,122,6,10,Zoey: How do you know that?
35156,122,6,10,Ted: I just do. It must be tough.
35157,122,6,10,"Zoey: It was the first Thanksgiving Hannah agreed to spend with me, and then at the last minute she changed her mind. She hates my guts."
35158,122,6,10,"Ted: I get that. Uh, you should hang on to this. You can give it to her next year."
35159,122,6,10,Zoey: Yeah... Right. Next year.
35160,122,6,10,"Ted: Hey, you never know. People don't stay enemies forever."
35161,122,6,10,Ted from 2030: And that's the story of how Zoey and I became friends.
35162,122,6,10,Everyone: Cheers.
35163,122,6,10,"Zoey: Before we eat, we should take a group picture and send it to Wang Guy."
35164,122,6,10,"Marshall: Ooh. Oh. Great idea. All right. Okay. Here we go. One, two, three."
35165,122,6,10,"Zoey: Ted, that is the best-looking turturkeykey I have ever seen."
35166,122,6,10,Ted: Thank you. Let's just hope it tastes as good as it looks.
35167,122,6,10,Ted from 2030: It didn't. It tasted wrong.
35168,122,6,10,Steve: Oops. We forgot to light the candles.
35169,122,6,10,(Steve stands up to go looking for the candles)
35170,122,6,10,"Ted from 2030: And just as Barney looked away, it happened."
35171,122,6,10,"(Barney picks up his spoon, steve knock down the books on the chimney, which knock down a ball, which knocks down a pot of flowers, wich throws a hat right onto the turkey)"
35172,122,6,10,Everyone: The Gentleman!
35173,122,6,10,Barney: What happened? I saw it!
35174,122,6,10,"Steve: Aw, come on, Blitz. Now it's just sad. Aw, man. Oh, go ahead. I forgot my jacket."
35175,122,6,10,(Barney enters the elevator as a woman leaves her appartment)
35176,122,6,10,"Woman: Oh, hold the door!"
35177,122,6,10,(She enters the elevator and her dress gets stuck as the doors closes.The dress got torn apart)
35178,122,6,10,"Barney: Thank you, God!"
35179,122,6,10,Mysterious voice: Blitz.
35180,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: Kids, in the winter of 2010, we had a new addition to our little group... Zoey. Zoey was married to... The Captain."
35181,123,6,11,Zoey is coming out of a car
35182,123,6,11,"Captain: Boys! Great to see you! Looking smart. Have a wonderful time tonight, okay?"
35183,123,6,11,(The car leaves)
35184,123,6,11,Marshall: Okay. That man is terrifying.
35185,123,6,11,"Barney: Everything he said was nice, but I am profoundly scared."
35186,123,6,11,Ted: Keep smiling. He can still see us.
35187,123,6,11,Ted from 2030: There was just something about him. We couldn't put our finger on it until...
35188,123,6,11,The appartment
35189,123,6,11,Marshall: I figured it out! I know what's so creepy about The Captain.
35190,123,6,11,Robin: Okay.
35191,123,6,11,(Robin shows a picture and everyone scream)
35192,123,6,11,"Marshall: Yeah. I snapped this photo of him last time he dropped off Zoey.Observe. The bottom half of his face... is smiling. He seems happy. Seems like a nice guy. (everyone is murmuring happily) But the top half of his face...wants to murder you! Cheerful. Wants to murder you. No. Cheerful. Wants to murder you. Now, hold on. Let me ask him a question. Captain, what do you think of ice cream? Oh, he loves it!"
35193,123,6,11,"Barney: Captain, what do you think of rainy days?"
35194,123,6,11,"Marshall: Whoa, he hates them."
35195,123,6,11,"Robin: Captain, quick question: How do you feel about the Jonas Brothers? Ooh."
35196,123,6,11,Ted: Ooh. What-What is that?
35197,123,6,11,Robin and Lily: I don't get it.
35198,123,6,11,Marshall: He hates that he loves them.
35199,123,6,11,[OPENING CREDITS]
35200,123,6,11,"Ted: Great. Okay. Hey, guys, Zoey just told me about this great Frank Lloyd Wright retrospective tonight. Who's in?"
35201,123,6,11,"Lily: Sorry, I'm, uh, I... I- I don't know, washing my hair."
35202,123,6,11,Marshall: Running the water.
35203,123,6,11,Robin: Holding the towel.
35204,123,6,11,Barney: And I'll be home trying to get over the fact that no one invited meto the big hair washing party.
35205,123,6,11,"Ted: All right, fine. Guess it'll just be me and Zoey."
35206,123,6,11,"Lily: Oh, wait. Just the two of you? Tread lightly, Mosby. Any time a single guy hangs out with a married woman, there are rules that must be followed. Rule number one..."
35207,123,6,11,Barney: Don't use the husband's condoms. That's just rude.
35208,123,6,11,Lily: Rule number one: don't go anywhere that has candles.
35209,123,6,11,"Marshall: Excuse me, Captain, how do you feel about Ted and Zoey having an intimate chat by candlelight? It'll be the last dinner they ever have."
35210,123,6,11,"Lily: Rule number two: No sharing food. In fact, anything involving saliva is off-limits. Toothbrushes, thermometers, lipstick."
35211,123,6,11,"Ted: Well, if I can't share her lipstick,there's really no pointin even going."
35212,123,6,11,Lily: And the most important rule of all...
35213,123,6,11,Barney: Lubricant is public property. (Robin groans)
35214,123,6,11,Marshall: Please.
35215,123,6,11,Lily: No lying to the spouse about anything you do.
35216,123,6,11,"Ted: Why would anyone lie? Look, Zoey and I are just friends. If there was anything more than that, I wouldn't hang out with her."
35217,123,6,11,"Marshall: Lily's right, Ted. Once you're married, it's very hard to be friends with a single person of the opposite s*x."
35218,123,6,11,"Robin: Yeah. Unless you're old friends, which is why I can hang out with Marshall whenever I want. Right, Marsh Madness?"
35219,123,6,11,"Marshall: No doubt, Robo Cop."
35220,123,6,11,Lily: You two never hang out alone. You just made up those nicknames right now.
35221,123,6,11,Marshall: I guess it's true. You and I never really hang out alone.
35222,123,6,11,"Robin: Well, let's. Let's have dinner together, just the two of us."
35223,123,6,11,Lily: Oh! Sweet. No candles.
35224,123,6,11,"Barney: Lily, I guess that leaves just you and me. Want to hang?"
35225,123,6,11,Ted from 2030: And then Lily said something to Barney that insulted every fiber of his being.
35226,123,6,11,Lily: Nah.
35227,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: Wait. No. It had to be more than just, ""Nah."" Oh, I think she said..."
35228,123,6,11,Lily: You're a big... stupid octopus head!
35229,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: No, that doesn't make sense. Okay, hang on. What did she say? She said, um, uh... To be honest kids, I'm having a little trouble remembering exactly what their fight was about. Hey, it was 20 years ago! I'll remember. Anyway, the next night..."
35230,123,6,11,The Bar
35231,123,6,11,"Ted: Well, Lily, you were right. Something weird happened with Zoey last night."
35232,123,6,11,[FLASHBACK]
35233,123,6,11,(Zoey's phone rings)
35234,123,6,11,"Zoey: Oh, that's the Captain. Yes, I call my husband The Captain, but that is the only concession I make to his seafaring ways. Hang on. Ahoy. I'm just out with friends."
35235,123,6,11,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35236,123,6,11,Ted: Friends. Plural. Like-Like there was more than one of me.
35237,123,6,11,"Lily: Ew! Ew! She lied to her husband? Uh-oh. So, what did you do?"
35238,123,6,11,[FLASHBACK]
35239,123,6,11,"Ted: Uh, Zoey, um, did you just say you were out with friends?"
35240,123,6,11,"Zoey: Yeah. The Captain's on his way home from Milan. He can get a little jealous sometimes, so I didn't want to make him worry. Is that okay?"
35241,123,6,11,Ted: It's totally okay.
35242,123,6,11,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35243,123,6,11,"Lily: It's not okay! I didn't really think it was okay! Pur-leez! You lie to your husband all the time. ""Uh, uh, that shirt looks great on you""""I love your mom""""I never fantasize about Barney when we're doing it"""" Sound familiar, Pinocchio?"
35244,123,6,11,Marshall: What's wrong with this shirt?
35245,123,6,11,"Ted: Lily, ruling. Do I have to stop hanging out with Zoey?"
35246,123,6,11,"Lily: No, you just need to spend time with her and The Captain together. If you're friends with the both of them, then there's not a problem."
35247,123,6,11,"Ted: Actually, I do have a standing invitation from The Captain to go for a ride with them on his boat."
35248,123,6,11,"Lily: Great. So go make nice with Captain Creepy, and problem solved."
35249,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: The next night, Marshall and Robin went to dinner, just the two of them. Now historically, they had three solid conversation topics: cold weather..."
35250,123,6,11,Robin: December chill... so great.
35251,123,6,11,Marshall: Totally.
35252,123,6,11,Ted from 2030:...sports...
35253,123,6,11,Marshall: Did you catch the game last night?
35254,123,6,11,Robin: Yeah. Nail-biter.
35255,123,6,11,Ted from 2030:...and cold weather sports.
35256,123,6,11,Marshall: You know what's fun? Is cold weather sports.
35257,123,6,11,Robin: They are fun.
35258,123,6,11,Ted from 2030: They blew through them all in the first 16 seconds.
35259,123,6,11,"Robin: Man, this is awkward."
35260,123,6,11,"Marshall: She's giving me nothing! He's just staring at me! She's just staring at me! It's making me nervous. Great, now my left eye is twitching."
35261,123,6,11,"Robin: Marshall, it's cool. She doesn't see it. What the hell's going on with his eye? Am I supposed to not talk about that? Great, now my right eye is doing it."
35262,123,6,11,Waiter: Can I get you two some drinks?
35263,123,6,11,Marshall: Lots of drinks.
35264,123,6,11,"Robin: Oh, so many drinks."
35265,123,6,11,The Bar
35266,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: That same night, Barney and Lily were still fighting about, um... something. Or was it that other thing?"
35267,123,6,11,(Lily arrives)
35268,123,6,11,Lily: Barney.
35269,123,6,11,"Barney: Save it, Lily. I am still mad at you for... something, and for that other thing."
35270,123,6,11,"Lily: Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. But let's be honest. You've been super sensitive lately."
35271,123,6,11,"Barney, crying: No, I haven't! God, how can you say that?!"
35272,123,6,11,Lily: Watch out!
35273,123,6,11,Ted from 2030: Wait. They were on the street.
35274,123,6,11,Lily: Watch out!
35275,123,6,11,"Barney: Oh! Wow. Thanks, Lily. You saved me. You saved us. Look, I know you didn't mean whatever it was you said that made me so mad."
35276,123,6,11,Lily: I think I probably didn't.
35277,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: And just like that, the fight was over. You know, kids, friendship is funny sometimes."
35278,123,6,11,Lily: Wait. I still can't resist getting one last shot in.
35279,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: Like I said, the fight was just getting started."
35280,123,6,11,The Captain's boat
35281,123,6,11,"Ted: Hi, Captain. The Captain. Captain."
35282,123,6,11,"Captain: Ahoy, Ted! Excellent to see you."
35283,123,6,11,"Ted: Ah, you, too. Uh, where's Zoey?"
35284,123,6,11,"Captain: Well, I'm afraid she's feeling a little under the weather. Looks like it's just you, me and six hours in frigid international waters."
35285,123,6,11,"Ted: Or we could stay on dry land, hang out with some... witnesses."
35286,123,6,11,"Captain: You're a hoot. I've been looking forward to this. For a very long time. Well, anchors aweigh!"
35287,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: Kids, here's one thing I do remember. I was pretty sure I was going to die that night."
35288,123,6,11,The restaurant
35289,123,6,11,"Robin: You know, I had this really boring poetry class in college."
35290,123,6,11,Marshall: You were just thinking that this dinner is really boring. That's what made you think of your boring class in college.
35291,123,6,11,"Robin: What?! What? No! No! No, no, no. Marshall, no. No. I... I just saw that board of specials, and I thought, you know what sucks? Being bored. Which I am not. So that clears that... right up."
35292,123,6,11,"Marshall: Robin, I'm an attorney."
35293,123,6,11,Robin: Fine. This night's a little awkward.
35294,123,6,11,Marshall: I guess it's 'cause we never hang out alone together.
35295,123,6,11,Robin: Why is that?
35296,123,6,11,Marshall: It's 'cause of The Mermaid Theory.
35297,123,6,11,[FLASHBACK]
35298,123,6,11,"Marshall: Two years ago, I had just hired a new assistant at GNB."
35299,123,6,11,"Barney: So, who's the eye broccoli?"
35300,123,6,11,"Marshall: Okay, that's Iris, my new assistant. And yes, she's a little plain, but I'm married, so that's good."
35301,123,6,11,"Barney: Mark my words, Marshall. Someday you will find Iris so excruciatingly attractive, you won't be able to look her directly in the boobs."
35302,123,6,11,Marshall: I don't think that's gonna be a problem.
35303,123,6,11,"Barney: Marshall, do you know how the myth of mermaids came to be?"
35304,123,6,11,Marshall: I'm sorry. Myth?
35305,123,6,11,"Barney: It was 300 years ago. Sailors stuck at sea would get desperate for female companionship. It got so bad that, eventually, the manatees out in the water started to look like... beautiful women. Mermaids. Let's go get some tail! Oh. You see, every woman, no matter how initially repugnant, has a mermaid clock... the time it takes for you to realize you want to bone her. Sure, today you see Iris as a manatee. But she ain't gonna stay that way. Marshall, your secretary's mermaid clock starts right now."
35306,123,6,11,"Marshall: And it took one year, three months, and 16 days, but eventually..."
35307,123,6,11,Barney: D'oh! Told you. The Mermaid Theory. It's a thing. You owe me 500 bucks.
35308,123,6,11,Marshall: Did we bet on this?
35309,123,6,11,Barney: Let's say yes.
35310,123,6,11,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35311,123,6,11,Robin: And that's why we never hang out alone? Yes.
35312,123,6,11,"Marshall: As Lily's best friend, you are the last person on the planet o's allowed to turn into a mermaid."
35313,123,6,11,"Robin: Wait, does that mean that I'm a manatee right now?"
35314,123,6,11,Marshall: Big-time manatee.
35315,123,6,11,Robin: What were those sailors thinking?
35316,123,6,11,Marshall: Huh. I don't know. Being out at sea can do crazy things to a man.
35317,123,6,11,
35318,123,6,11,On the boat
35319,123,6,11,"Captain: Vast, the sea. Deep. Endless. Going around for miles. You could scream and scream, and not a soul would hear you. Listen to this. (screams) Help! Somebody help me! I'm trapped on a boat with a madman! Help! See? Nothing."
35320,123,6,11,(both laughing)
35321,123,6,11,"Ted: He's gonna kill me. Okay, calm down, Teddy. He's not jealous. He hasn't even mentioned Zoey."
35322,123,6,11,"Captain: So, Ted, I noticed you've been spending a lot of time with Zoey."
35323,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: Okay, back to Barney and Lily and whatever the hell they were fighting about."
35324,123,6,11,"Lily: Seriously? I step away for five seconds, and you eat all my onion rings? No surprise there."
35325,123,6,11,"Barney: What's that supposed to mean? Are you calling me fat? If there is one thing you never do, it is call a woman fat right to her face!"
35326,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: Wait. Barney's not a woman. That's right... Barney wasn't hurt by Lily, Lily was hurt by Barney."
35327,123,6,11,[FLASHBACK]
35328,123,6,11,Lily: Want to hang?
35329,123,6,11,Barney: Nah. Watch out!
35330,123,6,11,"Lily: Wow... thanks, Barney. You saved me. You saved us."
35331,123,6,11,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35332,123,6,11,"Lily: If there's one thing you never do, it's call a woman fat right to her face!"
35333,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: Okay, now I'm on track. The rest of this story should make perfect sense."
35334,123,6,11,The Bar
35335,123,6,11,"Barney: Oh, Lily, I'm sorry. Hey, you want to see a magic trick?"
35336,123,6,11,Lily: You're a jerk.
35337,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: Okay, that makes no sense. Kids, I'm officially admitting defeat. I will never remember this story. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
35338,123,6,11,On the boat
35339,123,6,11,"Captain: Ted, let me show you my harpoon collection."
35340,123,6,11,"Ted: Just gonna make a quick call. Hey, silly question. What are our exact nautical coordinates?"
35341,123,6,11,"Captain: How now? Oh, bother. (sighs) Well... she's a goner. By now, the icy tide has already dropped its core temperature to near freezing. And down it goes. Now it's at 50 meters. Complete crushing blackness. 100 meters. The pressure is so intense, the keys are popping right out of its head."
35342,123,6,11,Ted: Head?
35343,123,6,11,"Captain: 200 meters. No one will ever find its mangled remains, save for the crustacea that feed off its lifeless husk. Can you hear me now? No. Because you're on the bottom of the sea."
35344,123,6,11,"Ted: Well, I got a big morning, so... Dry cleaners, bank, you know, so..."
35345,123,6,11,"Captain: Ted, it's time. I have something for you. Wait here."
35346,123,6,11,"Ted:: Okay, you got to swim for it, Mosby. Man versus sea. You can do this. You didn't get a ""Good Effort"" ribbon from the Shaker Heights JCC Swim Camp because you don't have what it takes."
35347,123,6,11,Captain: Found it. Zoey told me you're a scotch drinker. I bought this special for tonight.
35348,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030:And just as I started to realize that maybe I wasn't in danger after all, we hit a bump."
35349,123,6,11,(Ted falls into the water)
35350,123,6,11,Captain: Ted?
35351,123,6,11,The restaurant
35352,123,6,11,"Robin: you're afraid that if you spend too much time alone with me, I'll turn into a mermaid?"
35353,123,6,11,"Marshall: Yes. I mean, sure, right now, you're bald and leathery ancovered in a thick layer of blubber..."
35354,123,6,11,Robin: Am I blushing or...?
35355,123,6,11,"Marshall:...but at some point, my stupid male brain will transform you into a foxy fish-babe singin' ""Part of Your World"" to my pants."
35356,123,6,11,"Robin: Okay, even if that happens, is there any way to un-mermaid me?"
35357,123,6,11,Marshall: I asked Barney the same thing.
35358,123,6,11,[FLASHBACK]
35359,123,6,11,"Barney: Once mermaid-ified, there's only one way a woman can go back to being unattractive again, but it's pretty gruesome."
35360,123,6,11,Marshall: Death?
35361,123,6,11,"Barney: Worse. Pregnancy. If a baby's on board that train, it is headed straight back to Manatee City... where the grass ain't green and the girls ain't pretty."
35362,123,6,11,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35363,123,6,11,Robin: Pregnancy?
35364,123,6,11,"Marshall: Mm-hmm. Once a mermaid gets pregnant, she becomes a manatee again. Never thought I'd say that sentence."
35365,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: Wait! That's it! That's what Barney and Lily were fighting about! The Mermaid Theory! But their argument didn't happen at the same time as all this other stuff. I'm literally in the wrong year! It happened much, much later when Lily was... pregnant."
35366,123,6,11,"Barney: Well, Lily, I guess it's just you and me. You wanna hang?"
35367,123,6,11,"Liy: Nah. Whenever we're alone, you spend the whole time undressing me with your eyes. You even take off my shoes."
35368,123,6,11,"Barney: High heels chafe my shoulders. But you don't have to worry about that anymore. Ever since you got pregnant, you're just a big fat manatee."
35369,123,6,11,"Lily: Well, you're a big... stupid octopus face!"
35370,123,6,11,Ted from 2030: That was it! I remember now!
35371,123,6,11,"Lily: Wow. Thanks, Barney. You saved me. You saved us. If there's one thing you never do, it's call a woman ""fat"" right to her face!"
35372,123,6,11,"Barney: I'm sorry, Lily. Hey, you want to see a magic trick?"
35373,123,6,11,Lily: Oh... You're a jerk.
35374,123,6,11,(Barney chuckles)
35375,123,6,11,"Barney: Hey. Hey, wait. Come on. I was kid... Wait, wait, wait! There's another addendum to The Mermaid Theory. A pregnant woman who's become a manatee can become a mermaid again through one simple act."
35376,123,6,11,Lily:What's that?
35377,123,6,11,Barney: Breast-feeding. Hot.
35378,123,6,11,Lily: Really?
35379,123,6,11,Barney: Really. When those things swell up to three times their normal size... so do I.
35380,123,6,11,Lily: That's so sweet!
35381,123,6,11,Ted from 2030: See kids? Told you I'd get it!
35382,123,6,11,The Bar
35383,123,6,11,"(Ted enters, wearing a green dress)"
35384,123,6,11,"Ted: Okay, now we're even!"
35385,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: Yeah, that's the ending to a whole other story. We'll get there."
35386,123,6,11,On the boat
35387,123,6,11,Captain: So you really thought I was gonna kill you?
35388,123,6,11,Ted: Well... ish.
35389,123,6,11,"Captain: Oh, Ted, that's ridiculous. If I wanted to kill you, I'd invite you to my hunting lodge. It's far more remote, and I wouldn't have to worry about you turning up in some nosy fisherman's net."
35390,123,6,11,Ted: See? It's stuff like that. Why-why do you talk that way?
35391,123,6,11,"Captain: Oh, I'm just jesting for sport. See, sometimes I don't bond as well with Zoey's younger friends. But I know she really likes you. I was hoping that maybe we could be buddies."
35392,123,6,11,Ted: We can. We can be buddies. Just not on a boat.
35393,123,6,11,Captain: Fair enough. The hunting lodge it is.
35394,123,6,11,The appartment
35395,123,6,11,(Robin is really drunk)
35396,123,6,11,"Robin, slurring: You know, once we stopped trying to have a conversation and just focused on the drinking... I had fun."
35397,123,6,11,"Marshall: Yeah, me, too."
35398,123,6,11,Ted from 2030: And then a terrible thing happened. Marshall's beer goggles kicked in and his very drunk mind started to see...
35399,123,6,11,(Marshall begins imagining Robin as a manatee with a blond wig)
35400,123,6,11,"Marshall: No... No, no! No! No, don't turn!"
35401,123,6,11,"Robin: Uh-oh. I don't feel so good. (She vomits) Oh, my God! Oh, my God, I am, I am so sorry! Oh! You must think I'm totally disgusting."
35402,123,6,11,Marshall: I really do.
35403,123,6,11,"Ted from 2030: And from that moment on Marshall never worried about Robin becoming a mermaid again, and the two of them were closer than ever."
35404,123,6,11,The Bar
35405,123,6,11,"Zoey: Hey, Ted."
35406,123,6,11,Ted: Hey. You feeling better?
35407,123,6,11,Zoey: I have a confession to make. I wasn't really sick.
35408,123,6,11,Ted: You weren't?
35409,123,6,11,"Zoey: I'm sorry. I was just feeling guilty that I lied to The Captain and... I don't know, I just thought it would be good if you two spent some time together."
35410,123,6,11,"Ted: I get it. And you were right. He's a nice guy. I mean, he can be a little scary."
35411,123,6,11,"Zoey: Yeah, he gets a little murder-y when he's nervous."
35412,123,6,11,"Ted: Yeah, he's a creepy dude. But I like him. And I just want to make sure you and I hanging out doesn't, you know, cross any lines."
35413,123,6,11,"Zoey: Me, too."
35414,123,6,11,"Ted: I mean, if either one of us had even the slightest hint of feelings for the other, we shouldn't hang out. You don't, do you?"
35415,123,6,11,Zoey: No. Do you?
35416,123,6,11,Ted: No.
35417,123,6,11,Sailor #1: Still no sign of land.
35418,123,6,11,Sailor #2: It's been 243 days since we've seen another living soul. What are you looking at?
35419,123,6,11,"Sailor #1: Dude, we need to find land."
35420,124,6,12,"Ted from 2030: In December of 2010, my friends and I decided to go see It's a Wonderful Life on the big screen. It seemed like something we all needed. After all, it had been a crazy couple of days. It all started..."
35421,124,6,12,Marshall's and Lily's appartment
35422,124,6,12,Ted from 2030: With a pregnancy test.
35423,124,6,12,Marshall: This is taking forever. Are you sure you did it right?
35424,124,6,12,Lily: Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick?
35425,124,6,12,"Marshall: Hey, can I ask you a question that's plagued me for years? Can girls aim?"
35426,124,6,12,"Lily: Um, can boys aim? 'Cause it seems to me like I'm taking a mop to that bathroom floor every two days."
35427,124,6,12,"Marshall: Okay, you're the one who put the Far Side calendar up over the toilet. You know I laugh with my whole body."
35428,124,6,12,Lily: It's been two minutes.
35429,124,6,12,(Both exhale)
35430,124,6,12,"Marshall & Lily: One, two, three."
35431,124,6,12,Lily: It's positive.
35432,124,6,12,Marshall: It's positive? It's positive.
35433,124,6,12,Ted's appartment
35434,124,6,12,Lily: I'm pregnant.
35435,124,6,12,Robin: What?!
35436,124,6,12,Barney: I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations!
35437,124,6,12,The Bar
35438,124,6,12,Robin: To Lily and Marshall.
35439,124,6,12,"Marshall: Well, thank you. I mean, we've never been happier. Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now."
35440,124,6,12,At the gynecologist
35441,124,6,12,Doctor: You're not pregnant.
35442,124,6,12,"Marshall: Well, that did it."
35443,124,6,12,[OPENING CREDITS]
35444,124,6,12,"Ted from 2030: Kids, this is the story of the 36 hours we all thought Lily was pregnant, and how it caused each of us to reexamine our own lives. Because while this was happening..."
35445,124,6,12,Marshall: Are you sure you did it right?
35446,124,6,12,"Ted from 2030:...I was on the phone with Punchy, my best friend from high school, who had recently asked me to be his best man."
35447,124,6,12,"Ted: Hey, Punchy, I've given this some serious thought. I think I know how we can crush these floral arrangements."
35448,124,6,12,"Punchy: Ah, here it comes. Hit me up, Schmos!"
35449,124,6,12,"Ted: Peonies, lavender blossoms with a halo of baby's breath for an ambiance of springtime rejuvenation."
35450,124,6,12,Punchy: That's exactly the accent of whimsy this celebration of love needs!
35451,124,6,12,Ted: It's gonna be a magical day. (Ted hangs up) I know what you're thinking. I wish I was a dude.
35452,124,6,12,Robin: I do wish you were a dude.
35453,124,6,12,"Ted: Because if I was a dude, I could have Ted Mosby as my best man."
35454,124,6,12,"Robin: No, and here's why.,Ted, the best man's job is not to crush the floral arrangements. It's to get the groom down the aisle, because, no matter who he is, he will freak out. And I just don't think you have what it takes to get that get that soldier to pick up his rifle and charge up the hill."
35455,124,6,12,"Ted: Uh, are you forgetting I've done this before? I was Marshall's best man."
35456,124,6,12,Robin: And how did that go again? Oh for one.
35457,124,6,12,"Ted: Oh, come on. That wasn't my fault. And need I remind you, I gave a beautiful toast."
35458,124,6,12,"Robin: Ted. (Both yelling) Oh, do you take one to be your lawfully wedded wife? Oh, God, I'm freaking out. Why did I chose Ted to be my best man?"
35459,124,6,12,"Ted: Uh, yeah. It's hard to take criticism from someone who just recorded seven episodes of Million Dollar Heads or Tails."
35460,124,6,12,"Ted from 2030: Kids, Million Dollar Heads or Tails was an extremely popular show with an extremely simple premise."
35461,124,6,12,"Animator: All right, your practice flip came up tails... But our Vegas oddsmaker tells us that the next toss is still just 50-50. And so, Jordan, for one million dollars......Heads... or tails? (Audience shouting suggestions)"
35462,124,6,12,Jordan: What was the year of the coin again?
35463,124,6,12,Ted: Why this sudden obsession with Heads or Tails?
35464,124,6,12,"Robin: Well, it turns out that Heads or Tails has a job opening."
35465,124,6,12,(Audience shouting suggestions)
35466,124,6,12,Jordin: Ta... heads.
35467,124,6,12,"Animator: Marni, flip that coin."
35468,124,6,12,(She trhows it in the eye of the animator)
35469,124,6,12,"Robin: So now, because of that incident, Heads or Tails is looking for a new currency rotation specialist."
35470,124,6,12,Ted: You mean coin flip bimbo?
35471,124,6,12,Robin: They're not bimbos!
35472,124,6,12,"Ted: You auditioned, didn't you?"
35473,124,6,12,[FLASHBACK]
35474,124,6,12,"(Robin is auditionning, thorwing coins up in the air)"
35475,124,6,12,"And you're Canadian?! Mm. Robin, aside from that coin, this is the other thing that's flipping right now. What is my lid? For you."
35476,124,6,12,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35477,124,6,12,Ted: You're the new coin flip bimbo?
35478,124,6,12,Robin: Currency rotation specialist.
35479,124,6,12,"Ted: Robin, you better check yourself before you trebek yourself. You're a journalist! What is the matter with you?"
35480,124,6,12,"Robin: Well, it's a national audience! I get to wear shiny dresses!"
35481,124,6,12,"Ted: Robin, have you forgotten about your New Year's resolution?"
35482,124,6,12,[FLASHBACK]
35483,124,6,12,Robin: I am never drinking again.
35484,124,6,12,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35485,124,6,12,"Ted: No, before that."
35486,124,6,12,[FLASHBACK]
35487,124,6,12,"Robin, slurring: I am gonna finish this whole bottle tonight."
35488,124,6,12,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35489,124,6,12,"Ted: Before that, too."
35490,124,6,12,[FLASHBACK]
35491,124,6,12,"Robin: I moved here to work for a big-time cable news channel like World Wide News. Mm-hmm. Well, by this time next year, I will be wearing a World Wide News I.D. badge around my neck. And to show you that I'm serious, this is my first and only drink of the night. Okay. Okay? Oh, damn, that's smooth."
35492,124,6,12,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35493,124,6,12,Ted: I thought you finally got that interview at World Wide News.
35494,124,6,12,"Robin: Well, I did, but they only offered me a boring, low-paid, off-camera research job."
35495,124,6,12,Ted: Which could be a stepping stone to bigger things in your career.
35496,124,6,12,"Robin: Well, so could Heads or Tails. (snorts) The first currency rotation specialist went on to be a semi-finalist on The Bachelor, and then, she lost, like, a hundred pounds on The Biggest Loser, and now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab."
35497,124,6,12,"Ted from 2030: It seemed like there was no changing Robin's mind. But what we didn't know, in that moment, was that our world was about to be turned upside down."
35498,124,6,12,Ted's appartment
35499,124,6,12,Lily: I'm pregnant.
35500,124,6,12,Robin: What?!
35501,124,6,12,"Ted from 2030: Now, kids, when your friends have great news, you're happy for them... For, like, a millisecond. And then you start thinking about yourself."
35502,124,6,12,"Robin: Oh, my God! They're really having a baby. What am I doing with my life? Starting Monday, I'm a currency rotation spe... Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a coin flip bimbo, and I'm still single. Okay, let's not go there, Scherbatsky. That's a whole other thing. I've got to take that World Wide News job."
35503,124,6,12,"Ted from 2030: And so, the next night, we had two things to celebrate."
35504,124,6,12,The Bar
35505,124,6,12,"Robin: Well, you are looking at the new associate researcher at World Wide News."
35506,124,6,12,"Marshall: Oh, my gosh. That's amazing news."
35507,124,6,12,Ted: What changed your mind?
35508,124,6,12,"Robin: Marshall and Lily. I just realized that I am about to have a little niece who looks up to me. And I don't want to be sad aunt Robin, the aging coin flip bimbo who gives her the creeps. I want to be cool aunt Robin, the respected journalist... (quietly) Who gives her beer."
35509,124,6,12,Lily: What?
35510,124,6,12,Robin: What? Oh. I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. To Lily and Marshall.
35511,124,6,12,"Marshall: Well, thank you. I mean, we've never been happier."
35512,124,6,12,Ted from 2030: So the next day Robin called Heads or Tails to respectfully decline.
35513,124,6,12,The appartment
35514,124,6,12,"Robin: Hi, Mr. Trebek. This is Robin Scherbatsky."
35515,124,6,12,Ted from 2030: But at that moment...
35516,124,6,12,At the Gynecologist
35517,124,6,12,Doctor: You're not pregnant.
35518,124,6,12,"Robin: As honored as I am by the offer, um... (Phone chirps) Oh, my God. They're not having a baby. What am I getting all up in my head about? That research job sounds hard. And I'm pretty. I'm really, really pretty."
35519,124,6,12,In front of the movie theater
35520,124,6,12,Robin: You are looking at the new coin flip bimbo.
35521,124,6,12,Ted: You took the Heads or tails job?
35522,124,6,12,Robin: Yeah.
35523,124,6,12,"Ted: What about World Wide News, your I.D. badge? You made a New Year's resolution."
35524,124,6,12,"Robin: Okay, I also said I would never make out with a garbage man. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. What's with the gingerbread house?"
35525,124,6,12,Ted: We're seeing a Christmas movie. It's a Christmas-themed movie snack.
35526,124,6,12,"Robin: Let's hope Santa brings you a girlfriend this year, Teddy."
35527,124,6,12,Ted: Where the hell is Barney?
35528,124,6,12,Ted from 2030: Where was Barney? Let's back up again.
35529,124,6,12,[FLASHBACK]
35530,124,6,12,"Ted from 2030: You see, while this was going on..."
35531,124,6,12,Marshall & Lily: It's positive.
35532,124,6,12,Ted from 2030:...This was happening.
35533,124,6,12,Robin: And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab.
35534,124,6,12,(Barney enters)
35535,124,6,12,"Barney: Hey, guys. A yuletide riddle. What is my second favorite word that begins with b-o-n?"
35536,124,6,12,Ted: Bon Jovi?
35537,124,6,12,"Barney: Yeah. What is my third favorite word that begins with b-o-n? (Imitates buzzer) Bonus. As in, my end-of-the-year bonus check."
35538,124,6,12,"Ted: My God, Barney! I work for GNB, too. All I got was $15 gift card to Costa Coffee."
35539,124,6,12,"Barney: And you earned it, buddy. Check out what I'm gonna buy for myself. The dibiase. See those pinstripes? Diamonds. It is the uppest a person could ever suit."
35540,124,6,12,"Ted: Uh, has it ever occurred to you to give some of this to charity?"
35541,124,6,12,"Barney: Charity? You're seriously talking to me about charity? Dude, I am Mr. Charity. I frequently sleep with sixes, chubsters, over-thirties... I am the bill and Melinda gates of the sympathy bang."
35542,124,6,12,
35543,124,6,12,(Marshall and Lily arrives)
35544,124,6,12,"Marshall: Hey, guys. Big announcement."
35545,124,6,12,"Ted: Let me guess. You got a huge bonus check, too."
35546,124,6,12,"Marshall: No, just a $30 gift card to Costa Coffee."
35547,124,6,12,Ted: Thirty?!
35548,124,6,12,Lily: I'm pregnant.
35549,124,6,12,Robin: What?!
35550,124,6,12,"Barney: What?! I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry, force of habit. Congratulations!"
35551,124,6,12,Barney: Huh. Marshall and Lily are doing something meaningful. And it's making me less happy about this bonus. And I'm still single. At least I got that going for me. So why do I still feel outside of awesome looking in? What am I doing with my life?
35552,124,6,12,The Bar
35553,124,6,12,Marshall: we've never been happier. can't imagine bringing e down right now.
35554,124,6,12,"Barney: Oh, Marshall, you only think you're happy. Just wait, because tonight, (imitating Oprah) is Barney's Favorite Things!"
35555,124,6,12,(Everyone is cheering)
35556,124,6,12,Ted from 2030: That was the reaction Barney expected. This was the one he got.
35557,124,6,12,Marshall: Huh? I don't know what that is.
35558,124,6,12,"Barney: Barney's Favorite Things! I'm gonna give you all a bunch of free stuff... like Oprah. Just get excited, okay?"
35559,124,6,12,Ted from 2030: The next hour got pretty weird.
35560,124,6,12,Barney: Velour track suits!
35561,124,6,12,Marshall: Velour is so comfortable. They're so soft.
35562,124,6,12,"Barney: Remote control helicopters! Condoms! And last but not least... There is a fleet of limos outside waiting to take us to... A strip club! (Applause, cheering) You get a lap dance! You get a lap dance! You're gonna give me a lap dance! Everybody gets a lap dance! That was amazing! It was like a diamond suit for my soul. I gotta keep going. I gotta do more."
35563,124,6,12,Ted: No. No! I cannot go back to that strip club. I seen some things.
35564,124,6,12,Barney: I'm not going back either. I'm taking the rest of my bonus to God's strip club.
35565,124,6,12,"Ted from 2030: The next day, he paid a visit to the most charitable man he knew, his half-brother's father, Sam Gibbs, a minister at a church out on Long Island."
35566,124,6,12,At the church
35567,124,6,12,"Barney: Sam. Uh, father. I-I don't mean father father. Unless..."
35568,124,6,12,"Sam: What's up, Barney?"
35569,124,6,12,Barney: I'm thinking about giving some money to charity.
35570,124,6,12,"Sam: Is that the name of the stripper you've been e-mailing me about? You got to take me off that list, Barney."
35571,124,6,12,"Barney: No, I don't mean that charity. That charity is doing peachy. You'll see pics of the two of them in next week's e-mail."
35572,124,6,12,"Sam: What up! Barney, I'm a minister. Unsubscribe."
35573,124,6,12,"Barney: I-I recently started giving, and it felt surprisingly good. I want to do more."
35574,124,6,12,"Sam: Well, now you're talking. We have this program that helps those in need get back on their feet. We give them food, a place to live, clothes for job interviews."
35575,124,6,12,"Barney: Well, I would love to help by writing a check for... one, zero, zero, zero..."
35576,124,6,12,At the gynecologist
35577,124,6,12,Doctor: You're not pregnant.
35578,124,6,12,(Both gasp)
35579,124,6,12,At the church
35580,124,6,12,"Barney:...Zero... (Cell phone chimes) Woops. Hold on a second. Wait. They're not doing something meaningful with their lives. Well, this changes everything. Oh, no, I've already written four zeroes. Thank you, decimal point. One hundred dollars."
35581,124,6,12,"Sam: That's great. Thank you, Barney!"
35582,124,6,12,In front of the movie theater
35583,124,6,12,"Barney: Diamond suited up. Hey, Ted, can you spot me for the movie? I don't like to carry a lot of cash on me."
35584,124,6,12,Ted: What happened to giving the money away?
35585,124,6,12,"Barney: Yeah, that was back when Lily was pregnant. Now she's not. Ergo, a suit is born. (Chuckles) Dude, what's up with the gingerbread house? You look ridiculous!"
35586,124,6,12,Ted: It's a Christmas-themed movie snack!
35587,124,6,12,"Barney: Ah, I know that move. You cut a hole in the floor, she reaches into the living room, finds the tree... Nice."
35588,124,6,12,Ted: Where the hell are Marshall and Lily?
35589,124,6,12,Ted from 2030: Let's back up one last time.
35590,124,6,12,[FLASHBACK]
35591,124,6,12,Lily: I'm pregnant.
35592,124,6,12,Robin: What?!
35593,124,6,12,"Barney: What?! I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry, force of habit. Congratulations!"
35594,124,6,12,"Marshall: This is great. I'm happy. I'm so happy, my heart's pounding. And I'm sweating. And I can't breathe. This is what happiness feels like, right? Oh, crap. Lily's having a baby and I'm having a panic attack. I hope she can't tell what I'm thinking right now."
35595,124,6,12,"Lily: I can. And I'm freaking out, too! There's an alien growing in my stomach that's gonna explode out of my vagina!"
35596,124,6,12,Marshall: Do you think the others can tell we're freaking out?
35597,124,6,12,Robin: What am I doing with my life?
35598,124,6,12,Barney: What am I doing with my life?
35599,124,6,12,Ted: I should get a Christmas-themed movie snack for tomorrow night.
35600,124,6,12,Marshall: They're totally onto us. What do we do?
35601,124,6,12,"Lily: Just keep smiling, maybe wave. No, don't wave! That makes no sense!"
35602,124,6,12,Marshall: I'm committed. I'm riding this wave straight to hell.
35603,124,6,12,"Lily: Let's leave, then the waving will make sense."
35604,124,6,12,Ted from 2030: Narrator: So Marshall and Lily headed home.
35605,124,6,12,Marshall's and Lily's appartment
35606,124,6,12,"Marshall: Lily, we have to relax. There's no need to panic. True, there's a lot to do, but we've got nine months to prepare. So I say that we just make a list of everything that needs to get done before the baby arrives and do everything on that list tonight!"
35607,124,6,12,"Lily: Let's do it! Uh-huh, got it. Okay, that seems easy."
35608,124,6,12,"(Marshall enters the room, with paint all over him)"
35609,124,6,12,Marshall: Nursery's painted!
35610,124,6,12,Lily: Blue? What if it's a girl?
35611,124,6,12,Marshall: Damn it!
35612,124,6,12,"(Later, Lily is kneeting, Marshall is putting protections onto the furnitures)"
35613,124,6,12,"Lily: Oh, God, it's 8:00! We're supposed to meet the gang at the bar to celebrate."
35614,124,6,12,"Marshall: Oh, God. Okay, listen. When we meet them, we have to keep it together. Can you keep it together?!"
35615,124,6,12,"Lily: No, I can't keep it together!"
35616,124,6,12,The Bar
35617,124,6,12,Robin: I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. To Lily and Marshall.
35618,124,6,12,"Marshall: Well, thank you. I mean, we've never been happier."
35619,124,6,12,Marshall's and Lily's appartment
35620,124,6,12,Marshall: This is a nightmare! We've done everything wrong!
35621,124,6,12,Lily: The iPod was on shuffle! (Rock music stops) The Jerky Boys! Our baby heard the Jerky Boys!
35622,124,6,12,"Marshall: You know what, the Jerky Boys are funny."
35623,124,6,12,"Lily: The Jerky Boys aren't funny, they are awful."
35624,124,6,12,"Marshall: You know what, fine, if you don't think the Jerky Boys are funny, then I'm not sure that I can raise a child with you, liver lips."
35625,124,6,12,"Lily: Marshall, I don't like this."
35626,124,6,12,"Marshall: I know. Okay? I don't like it either. It's like I have a hot, burning ball of stress in my chest, and nothing will make it go away!"
35627,124,6,12,Doctor: You're not pregnant.
35628,124,6,12,"Marshall: Well, that did it."
35629,124,6,12,Doctor: I know this probably comes as quite a disappointment.
35630,124,6,12,Marshall: Yeah. Huge bummer.
35631,124,6,12,Lily: So disappointing.
35632,124,6,12,In front of the movie theater
35633,124,6,12,Ted: Are you guys okay?
35634,124,6,12,"Lily: Huh? Yeah. Why wouldn't we be? Oh, the baby thing."
35635,124,6,12,"Marshall: Oh, yeah, whatever. Oh, Christmas-themed movie snack. Nice."
35636,124,6,12,Lily: Don't reach into the living room!
35637,124,6,12,"Ted: Wow, I-I thought you guys would be devastated."
35638,124,6,12,"Marshall: Oh. You know, we're actually kind of relieved. We were freaking out for about a day and a half there."
35639,124,6,12,"Lily: Yeah, this whole thing got us thinking. Maybe we're not ready for kids yet after all."
35640,124,6,12,"Marshall: Yeah, we were thinking maybe we would just get a dog."
35641,124,6,12,Barney: Get a puppy!
35642,124,6,12,Marshall: Can you imagine... That would be the cutest thing!
35643,124,6,12,"Ted, yelling: No!"
35644,124,6,12,(Ted throws his snack down)
35645,124,6,12,Barney: Oh. Our movie snack.
35646,124,6,12,"Ted: Are you kidding me?! All you ever talk about is having kids! And now you have one little freak-out and you want to get a dog instead?! No. Unacceptable! You're gonna turn around, you're gonna go home, get naked, lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child. Right now! I'm serious! Go, go, go!"
35647,124,6,12,(Marshall and Lily leave)
35648,124,6,12,"Barney, singsongy: Marshall and Lily got in trouble."
35649,124,6,12,"Ted: And you! Ooh. Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. You're gonna go get your money back and give it to charity. And I don't mean that stripper you keep e-mailing us about, even though we beg you to take us off that list."
35650,124,6,12,"Barney: I can't give this suit back. Ted, I glow in the dark. I finally glow in the dark!"
35651,124,6,12,Ted: Criminals of New York! Attention! This man is wearing a diamond-covered suit! You could retire on the pants alone! Merry Christmas!
35652,124,6,12,(Barney runs away)
35653,124,6,12,"Robin, stuttering: So, if I get a large popcorn, you want to go split-skees or..."
35654,124,6,12,"Ted: And you... You did not move to the greatest city on earth to become a coin-flipping bimbo. So here's how it's gonna work: Heads, you take the job at World Wide News; Tails, you take the job at World Wide News. Ow! Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig!"
35655,124,6,12,"Robin: Fine, I'll call them tomorrow. I'll call them right now."
35656,124,6,12,(Ted's phone rings as Robin is leaving)
35657,124,6,12,Ted: Hello.
35658,124,6,12,"Punchy: Ted, I can't get married!"
35659,124,6,12,"Ted: Yes, you can! You love her!"
35660,124,6,12,"Punchy: You're right, I do! Thanks, Ted!"
35661,124,6,12,"Ted: One for It's a Wonderful Life, please. Thank you."
35662,124,6,12,Marshall's and Lily's appartment
35663,124,6,12,Marshall: We're idiots.
35664,124,6,12,Lily: This kid doesn't stand a chance.
35665,124,6,12,Marshall: We're ready for this.
35666,124,6,12,Lily: We're ready for this.
35667,124,6,12,At the church
35668,124,6,12,Sam: Wow. That's a lot of zeroes. Y-you sure you're not missing a decimal point?
35669,124,6,12,Barney: Nope.
35670,124,6,12,At World Wide News
35671,124,6,12,"Woman: And that's the tour. Uh, staff meeting's at noon, you'll meet everyone there, but first you need to head down to security. You need to get your picture taken. For your I.D. badge."
35672,124,6,12,"Marshall""s and Lily's appartment"
35673,124,6,12,Marshall: You sure?
35674,124,6,12,Lily: Positive.
35675,124,6,12,At the church
35676,124,6,12,Barney: And there's more. Do you still do that thing where you give people in need clothes for job interviews?
35677,124,6,12,Sam: Yeah. Why?
35678,124,6,12,"Barney: Bring 'em in, boys! Merry Christmas."
35679,124,6,12,"Sam: Thank you, son."
35680,124,6,12,Barney: Son?!
35681,124,6,12,Sam: It's just an expression. I'm still not your dad.
35682,124,6,12,Ted's appartment
35683,124,6,12,Ted: Congratulations.
35684,124,6,12,"Robin: You know, that was really cool what you did. When we all needed it, you got us back on the right path."
35685,124,6,12,Ted: It's what I do.
35686,124,6,12,"Robin: Hey, Ted, if I, um, if I ever get married and you're not the guy I'm marrying..."
35687,124,6,12,"Ted: Big mistake, but go on."
35688,124,6,12,"Robin:...I could really use someone like you. You know, in case I freak out. When I freak out. You interested?"
35689,124,6,12,Ted: Are you asking what I think you're asking?
35690,124,6,12,"Robin: Ted, will you be my best man?"
35691,124,6,12,Ted: Scherbatsky... I'm gonna crush it.
35692,124,6,12,The Bar
35693,124,6,12,"Barney: Hi, there. We've had a lot of fun tonight, but on a more serious note, this is the time of year when we remember the importance of giving. And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty. So, this holiday season, why not bang someone in need? I'm Barney Stinson, and that's... One to grow on."
35694,124,6,12,"Woman: Um, no."
35695,124,6,12,"Barney: Hi, there. You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight..."
35696,125,6,13,"Ted from 2030: Kids, when Lily and Marshall started trying to have a baby, they went a little crazy."
35697,125,6,13,At the doctor
35698,125,6,13,"Lily: We've been trying and trying, and still nothing's happened. I'm just worried we can't have children."
35699,125,6,13,Doctor: And how long have you been trying?
35700,125,6,13,Lily: Six days.
35701,125,6,13,"Ted from 2030: But then, months went by, and still nothing happened."
35702,125,6,13,Lily: Something must be wrong. W... we're doing it a lot.
35703,125,6,13,"Marshall: And everywhere... the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, outside in your wait... the kitchen."
35704,125,6,13,"Lily: Seriously, Doc, why isn't this happening?"
35705,125,6,13,"Doctor: Look, if you're really worried, here is a number for a reproductive endocrinologist... Dr. Stangel. He's the best in the city."
35706,125,6,13,The Bar
35707,125,6,13,"Marshall: Dr. John Stangel? I don't know, baby, do we really need a specialist?"
35708,125,6,13,"Lily: Well, what's your plan, Marshall, just have unprotected s*x day after day after day in every position imaginable until...? Wait, it sounded worse in my head."
35709,125,6,13,"Barney: Guys, we've got a problem. This is the application for the regional doubles laser tag tournament in Poughkeepsie. Problem is, only one of you can be my partner. So it looks like we've got a bake-off. You may now present your arguments."
35710,125,6,13,Marshall: I'm not playing laser tag.
35711,125,6,13,Ted: I'm absolutely not playing laser tag.
35712,125,6,13,Marshall: Damn it.
35713,125,6,13,Barney: And Marshall's the winner.
35714,125,6,13,"Lily: Well, I'm gonna call Dr. Stangel. It can't hurt."
35715,125,6,13,"Ted from 2030: So Aunt Lily went to see Dr. John Stangel, the man who knew more about human reproduction than anyone in New York City."
35716,125,6,13,Stangel: So I understand you want to get pregnant.
35717,125,6,13,[OPENING CREDITS]
35718,125,6,13,The Bar
35719,125,6,13,"Barney: Yeah, and it cuts in and out."
35720,125,6,13,Lily: Ooh! How did you do it?
35721,125,6,13,"Barney: Oh, God, you found one of the cameras. I swear that's the only one. Wait, which one did you find?"
35722,125,6,13,Lily: What are you talking about?
35723,125,6,13,Barney: What are you talking about?
35724,125,6,13,Lily: My visit to a certain Dr. Stangel.
35725,125,6,13,[FLASHBACK]
35726,125,6,13,"Strangel: We'll look at all the factors that contribute to fertility: dietary, environmental, genetic. But first, Ms. Aldrin, do you have any questions for me?"
35727,125,6,13,"Lily: Just one, ""Dr. Stangel"". Where'd you get the beard?"
35728,125,6,13,"Strangel: Well, m... my mother's Armenian."
35729,125,6,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35730,125,6,13,"Marshall: Lily, I've been with Barney since 9:00 a.m. Between the sexual harassment seminar all morning and the secretary beauty pageant all afternoon, he hasn't left my sight."
35731,125,6,13,"Lily: Wait, so you weren't wearing a fake beard and examining girl parts all day?"
35732,125,6,13,Barney: Not today I wasn't.
35733,125,6,13,"Ted: Wow, we finally found Barney's doppelganger. I guess we can tell you now, Lily. That hot dog guy did not look like Barney."
35734,125,6,13,"Lily: Uh, Marshall?"
35735,125,6,13,"Marshall: Yes, I know, we made our little deal with the universe, but..."
35736,125,6,13,"Lily: No, we've made a binding covenant with the universe. We said we weren't going to try to have kids until we saw Barney's doppelganger. Oh, this is bad news. This is like a black cat walked through my uterus. Okay, that's it. I am going back to Dr. Stangel and getting thoroughly checked out."
35737,125,6,13,Barney: Or... or cost-saving alternative: you could get checked out by someone who looks just like him. I'm gonna go scrub up. I'll meet you in stall three.
35738,125,6,13,At Dr Strangel's office
35739,125,6,13,Lily: I still kind of think it's Barney.
35740,125,6,13,Marshall: There's no way it's Barney.
35741,125,6,13,"Stangel: Hello, you must be Mr. Eriksen. I am Dr. Stangel."
35742,125,6,13,"Marshall: It's Barney. Wow. Really, dude, bravo. You almost got a peek. But seriously, what second-rate community theater did you get...?"
35743,125,6,13,Stangel: Would you...? I...
35744,125,6,13,Marshall: So my wife and I are trying to get pregnant.
35745,125,6,13,"Stangel: All right, Ms. Aldrin, please just put your feet up in the stirrups. We can begin."
35746,125,6,13,"Lily: Uh-uh, no. Can't do it."
35747,125,6,13,"Marshall: No, but, baby, I yanked on his beard."
35748,125,6,13,Stangel: He checks out. I really don't have time for this.
35749,125,6,13,"Marshall: No, Barney... Doctor, wait, please, it's... Can you just give us a couple minutes? I... Lily, how can I convince you that this is not Barney?"
35750,125,6,13,"Barney: Wow, it is like looking into a poorly dressed mirror."
35751,125,6,13,"Stangel: Okay, you have to go. Leave the model of the vagina."
35752,125,6,13,Lily: Okay. Convinced.
35753,125,6,13,"Stangel: Great. All right, you're a little low on the table. Please scoot up."
35754,125,6,13,"Lily: ""Suit up""... not convinced. This whole thing stinks to high heaven."
35755,125,6,13,"Marshall: Baby, you just saw Barney."
35756,125,6,13,Lily: He could have pulled some crazy switch. Remember when his Swedish cousin came to visit?
35757,125,6,13,"Marshall: Oh, yeah... Bjorney."
35758,125,6,13,"Lily: Yeah, I'm sorry, but unless I see Barney at the same time, I... I'll never be sure that Dr. Stangel isn't him."
35759,125,6,13,(Later)
35760,125,6,13,"Barney: How you doing, Lily?! Should I have a boner?!"
35761,125,6,13,"Strangel: Okay, we're all done. I'll call you in a few days with the results."
35762,125,6,13,Lily: Thank you.
35763,125,6,13,"Barney: Hey, you don't mind if I take pictures, do you?!"
35764,125,6,13,Lily: Can we leave him in here for a while?
35765,125,6,13,Strangel: I'm done for the day. You can leave him in here all night.
35766,125,6,13,"Barney: Aw, yeah. Smile for the birdie, Lil! Gyno-mite!"
35767,125,6,13,"Ted from 2030: Now, while all this was going on, your Aunt Robin was starting her new job at World Wide News, aka the big leagues. She was excited. This job was a new start, a clean slate."
35768,125,6,13,The appartment
35769,125,6,13,"Ted: So, first day of work?"
35770,125,6,13,[FLASHBACK]
35771,125,6,13,"Woman: Everyone, say hello to your new research associate Robin Scherbatsky."
35772,125,6,13,"Robin: Hi, guys."
35773,125,6,13,"Woman: Oh, here comes our new Hardfire host. Robin, this is Sandy Rivers."
35774,125,6,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35775,125,6,13,Ted: Sandy Rivers?!
35776,125,6,13,Ted from 2030: Sandy Rivers... Robin's old co-host and my old nemesis.
35777,125,6,13,[FLASHBACK]
35778,125,6,13,Sandy: We should have s*x.
35779,125,6,13,[END OF FLAHBACK]
35780,125,6,13,"Ted: Oh, I hate that guy."
35781,125,6,13,Robin: It gets worse.
35782,125,6,13,[FLASHBACK]
35783,125,6,13,"Woman: Sandy, this is..."
35784,125,6,13,Sandy: Robin.
35785,125,6,13,Woman: You two know each other?
35786,125,6,13,Sandy: Know each other? We've had s*x.
35787,125,6,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35788,125,6,13,Ted: You had s*x with Sandy Rivers?
35789,125,6,13,"Robin: No! Ugh! And I can't believe it's my first day, and already I'm the girl who slept with the host of the show."
35790,125,6,13,Ted: Already? Were you planning on eventually sleeping with the host?
35791,125,6,13,"Robin: Well, now that I know it's Sandy, I'm not."
35792,125,6,13,Marshall's and Lily's appartment
35793,125,6,13,"Marshall: Hey, babe."
35794,125,6,13,"Lily: Hi, honey. There's a couple messages on the machine. Your dad called. He wants to know if you have any sixes."
35795,125,6,13,"Marshall: Yeah, uh, we got a game of ""Go Fish"" going on the phone. P.S., Pops, go fish. Who's the second message from?"
35796,125,6,13,Lily: Dr. Stangel's office. I'm extremely fertile.
35797,125,6,13,"Marshall: You're extremely fertile! Oh, my God. I told you there was nothing to worry about. I got to call my dad and tell him the good news. If you're fertile, um, then that means I'm the problem."
35798,125,6,13,The Bar
35799,125,6,13,"Lily: Okay, now you're being ridiculous. An hour ago, you didn't even think there was a problem."
35800,125,6,13,"Marshall: Well, I was just putting on a brave face. Okay, think about it: we've had unprotected s*x 203 times in the past four months. Obviously I'm the problem."
35801,125,6,13,Barney: Problem?! You can't get a girl pregnant. That's the dream. I'd give my firstborn to not be able to have children.
35802,125,6,13,(Robin arrives)
35803,125,6,13,"Ted: So, second day of work?"
35804,125,6,13,Lily: What's wrong?
35805,125,6,13,"Ted: Oh, you didn't hear? She's the office slut."
35806,125,6,13,"Lily: Already? Oh, honey."
35807,125,6,13,Robin: I wish I was the office slut.
35808,125,6,13,[FLASHBACK]
35809,125,6,13,Robin: And we can explore how those policy changes will affect Iraq.
35810,125,6,13,Sandy: Yes. We definitely had s*x.
35811,125,6,13,Robin: We did not have s*x.
35812,125,6,13,Sandy: Then why do I remember you?
35813,125,6,13,"Robin: I don't know, maybe because I'm a smart, talented, professional."
35814,125,6,13,"Sandy: No, none of those. Oh, I remember. We didn't have s*x."
35815,125,6,13,Robin: Thank you.
35816,125,6,13,Sandy: You're the girl who did the report on the carriage driver and slipped and fell in horse poop...
35817,125,6,13,Robin: We did have s*x.
35818,125,6,13,"Sandy: Oh, I... I remember now. Gregory, do me a favor."
35819,125,6,13,Robin: But this reporter takes pride in...
35820,125,6,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35821,125,6,13,Robin: And now everyone calls me Scherpoopie. It's not funny.
35822,125,6,13,"Ted: Robin, a word of advice: play along. Okay, the more you fight it, the worse it's going to get. It's like when your car slides on ice, you steer into the skid."
35823,125,6,13,"Barney: Exactly! Or when your... I don't know... friend invites you to a laser tag tournament, you don't fight it. You just strap on the vinyl holster and race into that abandoned JCPenney guns a-blazin'. I'm just agreeing with Ted."
35824,125,6,13,(Marshall's phone starts ringing)
35825,125,6,13,"Marshall: Oh, it's my dad."
35826,125,6,13,Ted: Aren't you going to get it?
35827,125,6,13,"Marshall: No, no, you know what? Um, I'm gonna get my stuff checked out first. I'll call my dad after Dr. Stangel gives me the thumbs up."
35828,125,6,13,Ted: He has to do that?
35829,125,6,13,Robin: But I thought you talk to your dad about everything.
35830,125,6,13,"Marshall: I only like to call my dad with good news. I mean, telling him good news is what makes it feel real to me."
35831,125,6,13,[FLASHBACKS]
35832,125,6,13,Marshall: I'm getting married!
35833,125,6,13,Marvin: Yeah...!
35834,125,6,13,Marshall: I passed the bar!
35835,125,6,13,Marvin: All right!
35836,125,6,13,"Marshall: I found an amazing Viking lamp that fits right on the coffee table, as long as we don't mind stepping over the cord."
35837,125,6,13,Marvin: That's what I'm talking about!
35838,125,6,13,Marshall: Right?! I found someone who can fix the Viking lamp!
35839,125,6,13,[END OF FLASHBACKS]
35840,125,6,13,"Marshall: But the news that I might not be able to give him a grandchild? You know, like, I don't even know how to have that conversation."
35841,125,6,13,"Barney: I'll show you. ""Dad, there's, uh, there's something I need to tell you, and it's going to come as a bit of a shock to you, but here goes. You are speaking to the 2011 Tri-County Laser Tag Co-Champion""."
35842,125,6,13,"Marshall: Barney, I've already told..."
35843,125,6,13,"Barney: ""Oh, and my sperm don't work. Yeah, yeah, the laser tag thing is awesome""."
35844,125,6,13,
35845,125,6,13,The appartment
35846,125,6,13,"Ted: So, third day of work?"
35847,125,6,13,[FLASHBACK]
35848,125,6,13,"Robin: And the fertilizer is seeping into the ground water, causing..."
35849,125,6,13,Sandy: Is Scherpoopie pitching a story about manure? Genius.
35850,125,6,13,"Robin: Okay, yes, I, uh, I fell into some manure. It's hilarious, fine. In a five-year career of on-air reports, there are bound to be a few embarrassing moments."
35851,125,6,13,Sandy: A few?
35852,125,6,13,"Robin: Uh, but in my case, it was just the one, and you found it, so, uh... Just the one."
35853,125,6,13,Sandy: Gregory.
35854,125,6,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35855,125,6,13,"Ted: Oh, God. What did they find?"
35856,125,6,13,Robin: Everything.
35857,125,6,13,[FLASHBACK]
35858,125,6,13,"Robin: *Everybody, come and play*... I'm a dirty, dirty girl... *Throw every last care away; Let's go to the mall today; Today, today*... The Federal Reserve Board voted to leave interest... * Let's go to the mall; Today; Let's go to the ma-a-all; Let's got to the mall today; Let's go to the ma-a-all; Today; Let's go to the mall; Today; Let's go to the ma-a-all; Today... ; Let's go to the mall... *"
35859,125,6,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35860,125,6,13,Robin: They even found the video of me getting attacked by an owl.
35861,125,6,13,Ted: You got attacked by an owl?
35862,125,6,13,Robin: I did not get attacked by an owl.
35863,125,6,13,"Ted: Robin, listen, here's what you need to do..."
35864,125,6,13,"Robin: Okay, don't you dare tell me to steer into the skid, okay? It's too late. I'm already wrapped around a hydro pole. It's a Canadian telephone pole. I never should have taken this job."
35865,125,6,13,"Ted from 2030: Kids, at that moment, I knew what I had to do for my friend Robin. But first I had to do something for me."
35866,125,6,13,"Ted: Show me ""owl attack""."
35867,125,6,13,At Dr Stangel's office
35868,125,6,13,Marshall: I am freaking out. Is there a chance that I can't have kids? I've been hit in the nuts a lot.
35869,125,6,13,"Stangel: Well, we won't know anything until we run some tests. We'll need a sample of your sperm. No, no, no. There's a room at the end of the hall. If you find yourself inside the elevator, you've gone too far. You'd think I wouldn't have to say that, but you'd be surprised."
35870,125,6,13,(Marshall goes out of the exam room and cross a man leaving the he is now entering)
35871,125,6,13,"Man #1: All yours, buddy. The thing you're about to do in here... I did that in here, too. Three minutes ago."
35872,125,6,13,Man #2: I was here eight minutes ago.
35873,125,6,13,Man #3: 14 minutes ago.
35874,125,6,13,Man #4: I'm here every Thursday.
35875,125,6,13,"Marshall: I can't do it, Doc. Is there, like, another option? Could I... Could I take this home?"
35876,125,6,13,"Stangel: Sure, you could, but, uh... we close in an hour and I'm not back till Tuesday. So, clock is ticking. Make it fast."
35877,125,6,13,"Marshall: Only way I know how, Doc. Only way I know how."
35878,125,6,13,Marshall's and Lily's appartment
35879,125,6,13,Marvin: Surprise!
35880,125,6,13,Judy: Surprise!
35881,125,6,13,Marshall: Mom. Dad. Uh... What are you doing here?
35882,125,6,13,Judy: We hadn't heard from you in a couple days. We were worried about you.
35883,125,6,13,"Marvin: For God's sake, son. Do you have any sixes?"
35884,125,6,13,"Marshall: Go fish. Excuse me. Hey, Lily, can I just talk to you in here for a minute?"
35885,125,6,13,"Lily: Oh, yeah. Isn't it great? They just showed up. Your mom's already rearranged my kitchen, organized my closet... and she asked me if I lost height. Not weight. Height."
35886,125,6,13,"Marshall: Yeah, I'm very excited that they're here, too. But right now, I have to get excited about something else."
35887,125,6,13,"Lily: Oh, okay. Well, I'll go handle your parents. And you handle your, well... Wait, wait, wait. Marshall."
35888,125,6,13,"Marshall: Thank you, baby. You're the best."
35889,125,6,13,(Marshall is in the bathroom)
35890,125,6,13,"Judy: Marshall. Marshall. I just got my new bathing suit for the beach this summer. It's a two-piece. I mean, can you imagine? Me in a two-piece bathing suit at my age? Just picture it! Picture it!"
35891,125,6,13,Marvin: That's why Fred Cox is the greatest kicker the Vikings ever had.
35892,125,6,13,"Seriously, Marshall, picture it. Just picture it."
35893,125,6,13,"Marvin: Give me a ""C"". Give me an ""O"". Give me an ""X"". What's that spell? Cox! Cox! Cox! Cox! Cox! Cox!"
35894,125,6,13,"Ted: Uh... Okay, I did a bad thing last night. I looked up his address."
35895,125,6,13,Robin: Who?
35896,125,6,13,"Ted: Sorry. You said ""who"". It reminded me of the owl footage. Genius. No. Sandy. How dare he laugh at you. Who does he think... Sorry. ""Who"". Anyway. I looked up his address in your contact list."
35897,125,6,13,"Robin: Oh, God. Tell me you didn't go over there."
35898,125,6,13,Ted: I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse.
35899,125,6,13,"Robin: Oh, God. Tell me those aren't the names of your fists."
35900,125,6,13,Ted: They're my feet. I'm actually more of a kicker. So I went to his apartment.
35901,125,6,13,[FLASHBACK]
35902,125,6,13,Sandy: Ah... You're not the pizza guy.
35903,125,6,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35904,125,6,13,"Robin: Oh, my God. This is..."
35905,125,6,13,"Ted: This is how you make sure Sandy never makes fun of you again. I told you to steer into the skid. That was bad advice. So new advice. Steer into Sandy, and run him down."
35906,125,6,13,Robin: If people found out Sandy wears a toupee...
35907,125,6,13,Ted: Really? That's your take-away? Nothing on the bear in the bra?
35908,125,6,13,"Robin: Oh, no. He's very open about that. That's Gregory. Nice guy."
35909,125,6,13,Marshall's and Lily's appartment
35910,125,6,13,"Judy: And the top is so low-cut. Your father says he has front-row seats to the Minnesota Twins. Oh. Oh. By the way, Marshall, we do need to know if you're coming to Florida this summer. Are you coming? Marshall? Marshall, are you coming?"
35911,125,6,13,(Marshall opens the door steps out)
35912,125,6,13,Marshall: This isn't working.
35913,125,6,13,"Marvin: Where you going, son?"
35914,125,6,13,Marshall: I'm... I'm going to... I'm... I'm going to...
35915,125,6,13,"Ted from 2030: Kids, to this day, your uncle Marshall is thankful for what Lily said next."
35916,125,6,13,Lily: He's going to masturbate.
35917,125,6,13,Marshall: Lily!
35918,125,6,13,"Lily: Marshall, just tell them what's going on."
35919,125,6,13,Ted from 2030: And so Marshall told his parents everything.
35920,125,6,13,"Marshall: And so, now, I'm just scared that we won't be able to give you a grandchild."
35921,125,6,13,"Judy: Aw, Marshall. Hey, we don't care about that one bit. And if you guys want kids, there are other ways. Adoption. Maybe you have a good friend who could loan you some sperm?"
35922,125,6,13,"Marshall: Aw, yeah. Maybe adoption."
35923,125,6,13,"Marvin: What I'm saying is, we love you no matter what. Now, why don't you pretend you're in high school, get back in that bathroom, and ""blow dry your hair""."
35924,125,6,13,"Marshall: Wait, you knew?"
35925,125,6,13,"Judy: We didn't have a hair dryer, dear."
35926,125,6,13,The appartment
35927,125,6,13,Ted: So? Possibly last day of work?
35928,125,6,13,"Robin: Actually, it was a good day."
35929,125,6,13,[FLASHBACK]
35930,125,6,13,"Sandy: And I need more numbers on how the holiday season impacted the economy. Sparkles, got anything on malls?"
35931,125,6,13,"Robin: Actually, Sandy, I have something I think you're all gonna want to see."
35932,125,6,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35933,125,6,13,Ted: Yes! Put him in a body bag!
35934,125,6,13,"Robin: Okay, I didn't do it."
35935,125,6,13,Ted: What?
35936,125,6,13,Robin: I didn't want to just viciously attack someone out of the blue like some kind of...
35937,125,6,13,Ted: Owl?
35938,125,6,13,"Robin: Exactly. So, instead of taking your advice, I took your advice."
35939,125,6,13,"Ted from 2030: That day, Robin decided to steer into the skid. And though she never quite shook the nickname, Sparkles went on to do very well at World Wide News. Especially after this happened."
35940,125,6,13,"Ted from 2030: After his parents had gone back to Minnesota, Marshall got the results of his test."
35941,125,6,13,"Stangel: I'm afraid I have some very bad news, Marshall. Judging from the results of your test, it is... it is very unlikely that you'll be able to father a child."
35942,125,6,13,"Marshall: Oh, God."
35943,125,6,13,"Stangel: I know, I know."
35944,125,6,13,Marshall: It's just...
35945,125,6,13,"Stangel: Now... in some rare cases, a regimen change can fix the problem, so I'm recommending a spirited cardio routine. Preferably with a partner, involving any light-based firearm activity in the Tri-State area. Poughkeepsie, for example. Have you heard of the gentlemen's sport known as laser tag? Surprise!"
35946,125,6,13,"Marshall: Damn it, Barney! What are you doing in here?"
35947,125,6,13,"Barney: Think about it, Marshall. All entrants get 20% off at the snack bar! Oh, BT-dub, the receptionist. What's her situation?"
35948,125,6,13,"Stangel: Go! Well, Marshall. I've got your results."
35949,125,6,13,Marshall: And?
35950,125,6,13,Stangel: Your sperm is fine.
35951,125,6,13,The Bar
35952,125,6,13,Marshall: My sperm is fine!
35953,125,6,13,[FLASHBACK]
35954,125,6,13,"Stangel: Count, motility... everything's off the charts. You, sir, have got some strong swimmers."
35955,125,6,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35956,125,6,13,"Barney: Bro, that is awesome. Motility five!"
35957,125,6,13,"Marshall: Hey, um, can I borrow your phone? I want to call my dad."
35958,125,6,13,"Ted: Yeah, go ahead."
35959,125,6,13,[FLASHBACK]
35960,125,6,13,"Marshall: Man, this is great. I was expecting bad news. I really was."
35961,125,6,13,[END OF FLASHBACK]
35962,125,6,13,"Marshall: You're here! Oh, my God! I love you so much! Can you believe it?"
35963,125,6,13,"Lily: Marshall... Something's happened. Um... Your father, he had a heart attack. He... he didn't make it."
35964,125,6,13,Marshall: My dad's dead? I'm not ready for this.
35965,126,6,14,"Ted from 2030: Kids, when your best friend loses someone..."
35966,126,6,14,Marshall: My dad's dead?
35967,126,6,14,Ted from 2030:...you drop everything and rush to his side only to find yourself standing there with no idea what to do or say.
35968,126,6,14,At Marvin's funeral
35969,126,6,14,Ted: This is the toughest time in Marshall's life and I feel absolutely useless. What can we do to help?
35970,126,6,14,"Lily: Don't look at me. This morning Marshall said, ""I have to pee."" And I, ""Don't worry, baby, I'll do it for you."" Halfway through the pee, I'm, like, ""This doesn't even make sense!"""
35971,126,6,14,"Robin: Well, uh, I've been to a couple funerals, so I know my role: I'm Vice Girl. Whatever Marshall needs to get through this day, I got it right here."
35972,126,6,14,"Ted: Cigarettes, alcohol... Are these firecrackers? My God, Robin, you somehow crammed Tijuana into a purse."
35973,126,6,14,"Robin, hushing: Be cool, nerds!"
35974,126,6,14,"Lily: Marshall's mom hasn't eaten, slept or sat down since we got here. Wait! That can be my role! I'll take care of Judy!"
35975,126,6,14,"Robin: Yeah, but doesn't Marshall's mom hate you--the fact that you two aren't very close?"
35976,126,6,14,"Ted, whispering: Sweet save."
35977,126,6,14,"Lily: Okay, yes, Judy and I aren't besties, but today, whatever she needs, I'm there. I'm on Judy duty."
35978,126,6,14,"Ted: ""Judy duty."""
35979,126,6,14,"Barney: She said ""doody."""
35980,126,6,14,"Robin: Really, guys? At a funeral?"
35981,126,6,14,"Ted: Uh, okay, while not all of us possess your lofty sense of decorum, Drug-DealerFrom-An-'80s-After-School-Special, we have to laugh today. It's healthy."
35982,126,6,14,"Barney: Wait a minute! Today, we are gonna make Marshall laugh."
35983,126,6,14,Robin: How?
35984,126,6,14,"Barney: Ted, what's the one thing that always cracks him up?"
35985,126,6,14,Ted: Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts.
35986,126,6,14,"Barney: Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts, exactly! So we are gonna get our bro a four-star nad rattler. You search knees, feet, banisters, fire hydrants and diving boards, and I'll cover bats, rackets, hockey sticks, golf clubs and riding crops."
35987,126,6,14,Ted: What about animals?
35988,126,6,14,"Barney: Uh... Claws, paws, talons, hooves, beaks and clenched monkey fists. We can do this!"
35989,126,6,14,"Marshall: Hey, guys, sorry, uh... I left my charger back in New York, so my phone's out of juice. Does anyone have...?"
35990,126,6,14,Robin: Outlet or USB?
35991,126,6,14,"Marshall: Uh, outlet. Thank you. Oh..."
35992,126,6,14,"Lily: Wow, you really do have everything in there, don't you?"
35993,126,6,14,"Ted: You're like Mary Poppins, if her magic purse was also filled with drugs."
35994,126,6,14,"Robin: ""If""? Ted, the kids in that movie jumped into a painting and spent 15 minutes chasing a cartoon fox. ""Spoonful of sugar...""? Grow up."
35995,126,6,14,"Reverend: I'm so sorry for your loss, Judy."
35996,126,6,14,"Judy: Thank you, Reverend."
35997,126,6,14,"Reverend: Unfortunately, I can't. My daughter in Chicago just went into labor. But I'm leaving you in the capable hands of my second-in-command: my son."
35998,126,6,14,Marshall: Your son?
35999,126,6,14,"Reverend: Oh, you remember Trey. I'll go grab him."
36000,126,6,14,"Marshall: Guys... Trey Platt terrorized me growing up. He was, he was the toughest bully in school."
36001,126,6,14,Trey: 'Sup Marshall.
36002,126,6,14,"Marshall: Hello, Trey. Long time. Mm-hmm. I was not aware that you had become a reverend."
36003,126,6,14,"Trey: Yeah, well, your lunch money finally ran out. Kidding!"
36004,126,6,14,"Barney: Marshall Eriksen, you could use a laugh."
36005,126,6,14,"Ted: Yeah! This video is entitled, ""Little League Coach Gets Hit in the Nuts by a Foul Ball and Then Vomits in a Garbage Can."" I don't wanna give anything away. Let's just watch."
36006,126,6,14,"(bat connects with ball, man groans, vomits)"
36007,126,6,14,Barney & Ted: Oh!
36008,126,6,14,"Barney: See? 'Cause, 'cause he got hit..."
36009,126,6,14,"Ted:...right in the nuts,"
36010,126,6,14,Barney & Ted: The fat kid just runs away.
36011,126,6,14,"Marshall: Trey Platt. I can't believe my father's funeral service is being led by Trey ""The Noogie Machine"" Platt."
36012,126,6,14,"Ted: That guy gave you noogies? What, did he carry a stepladder?"
36013,126,6,14,Marshall: He made me carry it.
36014,126,6,14,"Trey: So, my dad has these questions he asks to help create a theme for the service, or whatever. Question one: ""What were your last words with the deceased?"" Lame. Question two:"
36015,126,6,14,Judy: Wait... My last words with Marvin were lovely. I've been thinking about them a lot.
36016,126,6,14,"Marshall's brother #1: Me, too. We went for a hike in the snow and had this amazing talk."
36017,126,6,14,"Marshall's brother #2: My last day with Pop, he taught my son how to skate."
36018,126,6,14,"Trey: Well, this is clearly yielding nothing. Thanks, Dad. Guess I'll have to fill the time with some jokes... again."
36019,126,6,14,"Judy: ""Last words"" seems like a good theme. Marshall, do you remember the last thing your father said to you?"
36020,126,6,14,[FLASHBACK]
36021,126,6,14,"Judy: Bye, sweetie."
36022,126,6,14,"Marshall: Bye, Mom."
36023,126,6,14,"Marvin: Son, there's something I want to say before I leave."
36024,126,6,14,"Marshall: Yeah, Dad?"
36025,126,6,14,Marvin: Could I snag that extra pork chop for the flight?
36026,126,6,14,"Marshall: I was gonna make a sandwich with that, Dad. Dad, don't they have food on the plane?"
36027,126,6,14,"Marvin: Yeah, but plane food is ass."
36028,126,6,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36029,126,6,14,"Marshall: ""Plane food is ass."" Those are the last words my father will ever say to me. Right after I denied the man a pork chop. Oh, God. Wait! I'm wrong! I'm wrong! That wasn't it! They couldn't find a cab so my dad called up from the street."
36030,126,6,14,[FLASHBACK]
36031,126,6,14,Marvin: Marshall! Looks like rain out here! I couldn't find an umbrella in your closet! You know who probably has an umbrella?
36032,126,6,14,"Marshall: And then, well, see, my dad grew up in a small town, in another generation, so sometimes - totally well-meaningly - he'd say stuff like..."
36033,126,6,14,"Marvin: The Koreans across the hall! Hey, the Koreans are a trustworthy and generous people!"
36034,126,6,14,Marshall: Dad...
36035,126,6,14,"Marvin: I betcha one of the Koreans has an umbrella! Heck, they're Koreans!"
36036,126,6,14,[END OF FLASHACK]
36037,126,6,14,Marshall: My dad's last words to me were a string of odd racial stereotypes.
36038,126,6,14,Robin: All that stuff was really nice!
36039,126,6,14,Lily: Yeah! It's positive racism!
36040,126,6,14,Marshall: This is worse than the pork chop.
36041,126,6,14,"Barney: This next clip is entitled, ""Guy Playing Bagpipes Gets Hit in the Nuts by Low-Flying Seagull"""
36042,126,6,14,Ted: Let's see what happens.
36043,126,6,14,Barney: Here he comes... Oh! Oh! 'Cause he gets hit right in the nuts.
36044,126,6,14,Ted: And then the fat kid loses his swim trunks.
36045,126,6,14,Barney: Fall off. Shorts just fall right off.
36046,126,6,14,"Marshall: No, wait-- I'm wrong. That wasn't it. They couldn't find a cab, so I went down there."
36047,126,6,14,[FALSHBACK]
36048,126,6,14,"Marshall: Hey, you were right. The Kangs did, in fact, have an umbrella."
36049,126,6,14,Marvin: Of course they did.
36050,126,6,14,"Judy: Bye, sweetie."
36051,126,6,14,"Marshall: Bye, Mom."
36052,126,6,14,"Marvin: Hey, son, I just want to leave you with a little advice. Rent Crocodile Dundee III. I caught it on the cable last night. It totally holds up!"
36053,126,6,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36054,126,6,14,"Marshall: Crocodile Dundee III is the second-best of the Croc trilogy, so maybe I can live with that. (cell phone beeps) Oh, sorry, my phone's charged."
36055,126,6,14,"Man: I, uh, I hear you're a woman who can get things."
36056,126,6,14,Robin: I've been known to locate certain objects from time to time.
36057,126,6,14,Man: I need vodka and dirty playing cards.
36058,126,6,14,Robin: I got ya.
36059,126,6,14,"Marshall: Oh, my God."
36060,126,6,14,Lily: What is it?
36061,126,6,14,Marshall: I have a voice mail from my dad.
36062,126,6,14,Lily: You have a voice mail from your dad?
36063,126,6,14,Robin: How?
36064,126,6,14,"Marshall: My phone's been out of juice, so he must've called me the day the he, uh..."
36065,126,6,14,"Lily: Baby, are you okay?"
36066,126,6,14,Marshall: I hold in my hand the last words my father will ever say to me. I'm gonna hit play.
36067,126,6,14,Robin: What's wrong?
36068,126,6,14,Marshall: What if it's worse than Crocodile Dundee III? I can't do this. I can't... My mom is about to collapse. I'm gonna...
36069,126,6,14,"Lily: Wait-- no, no, baby... Baby, I got it. Let me."
36070,126,6,14,Robin: You should listen to it. Just don't put too much pressure on it.
36071,126,6,14,"Ted: She's right. I mean, this idea that someone's last words have to be profound and meaningful? I mean, who can live up to that?"
36072,126,6,14,"Barney: Exactly. All those ""famous last word"" people supposedly said? They're all made up. Like that patriotic dude, Nathan Hale, from third-grade history?"
36073,126,6,14,[FLASHBACK]
36074,126,6,14,Nathan Hale: My I only regret is I have but one life to lose for my country.
36075,126,6,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36076,126,6,14,Barney: You know what his real last words were?
36077,126,6,14,[FLASHBACK]
36078,126,6,14,Nathan Hale: I'm peeing my pants!
36079,126,6,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36080,126,6,14,Barney: True story.
36081,126,6,14,"Robin: The point is, last words are overrated."
36082,126,6,14,"Ted: Look, think of it this way: you get to hear your dad's voice one last time."
36083,126,6,14,"Marshall: I should go listen to this... alone, okay? I'll be back."
36084,126,6,14,(Marshall steps away)
36085,126,6,14,"Woman: Hey, so, um, I heard you might have..."
36086,126,6,14,"Robin: You heard right. (whispering: ) I'm getting a reputation. So, what you need, mama? Come here."
36087,126,6,14,(Robin walk away with the woman)
36088,126,6,14,"Lily: Guys, listen to what just happened."
36089,126,6,14,
36090,126,6,14,[FLASHBACK]
36091,126,6,14,"Lily: Judy, do you need a break? I'm happy to cook for a while."
36092,126,6,14,"Judy: You think your snobby New York cooking is better than mine-- admit it! Well, go ahead, Lily, why don't you just whip up a batch of your fancy tofu sushi bagels! And choke on them!"
36093,126,6,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36094,126,6,14,Ted: Whoa. Are you okay?
36095,126,6,14,Lily: Listen!
36096,126,6,14,[FLASHBACK]
36097,126,6,14,(Judy yawns)
36098,126,6,14,Judy: I'm gonna go take a nap.
36099,126,6,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36100,126,6,14,"Lily: Judy's finally sleeping and it's all because of me! Guys, I have a role: I'm Judy's bitch! Yeah!"
36101,126,6,14,"Ted: Well, but this day is tough on you, too. You sure you can absorb all that?"
36102,126,6,14,"Lily: Yeah! Robin gave me a little orange pill from her purse. I don't know what's in it, but things are flowin' pretty smooth right now."
36103,126,6,14,"Robin: Hey, stay hydrated."
36104,126,6,14,(Marshall comes back)
36105,126,6,14,Barney: So?
36106,126,6,14,"Marshall: I couldn't listen to it. Guys, this is hard."
36107,126,6,14,"Lily: We know, baby. But you'll always wonder, if you don't. Your dad loved you. It almost doesn't matter what he said."
36108,126,6,14,Barney: It doesn't. That's true.
36109,126,6,14,"Marshall: Guys, guys, what if-- God forbid-- all of your dads died right now? What would their last words to you have been? Seriously."
36110,126,6,14,"Ted: I know mine. When I was in Cleveland last month, I went to visit my dad at his... post-divorce bachelor pad."
36111,126,6,14,[FLASHBACK]
36112,126,6,14,"Ted's dad: Been fun bro-ing out with you tonight, T-Dawg."
36113,126,6,14,Ted: Yeah... so glad we can we can talk about our s*x lives now. That's totally an improvement.
36114,126,6,14,Ted's dad: I hooked up with a younger woman the other week-- Donna Bromstead.
36115,126,6,14,Ted: My prom date?!
36116,126,6,14,"Ted's dad: How far did you get, T-Dawg?"
36117,126,6,14,Ted: I have to go.
36118,126,6,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36119,126,6,14,Marshall: How would you like those to be your father's last words?
36120,126,6,14,"Ted: Well, they might be. Donna Bromstead's husband is a cop."
36121,126,6,14,Marshall: Lawyered. Lily?
36122,126,6,14,[FLASHBACK]
36123,126,6,14,(phone ringing)
36124,126,6,14,Lily: Hello.
36125,126,6,14,"Lily's dad: Lily, it's Dad. Listen, I'm sort of in jail for not paying taxes for the last 25 years. ut bright side, I thought of a great new board game. ""Tax Evasion"", ages six to ten. Which is, ironically, what I might be looking at. Anyway, Pumpkin, I need $15,000."
36126,126,6,14,Lily: Fooled ya. Leave a message after the beep. We'll get back to ya. Beep.
36127,126,6,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36128,126,6,14,Marshall: Lawyered. Robin?
36129,126,6,14,[FLASHBACK]
36130,126,6,14,"Robin's dad: And so, despite the endless disappointment you've caused me, I pray that this will finally be the year you achieve something of actual significance. I'd love to stop lying to my friends about you being in a coma. Anyway, the point is, happy birthday, RJ."
36131,126,6,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36132,126,6,14,Ted: That's awful.
36133,126,6,14,"Robin: No, here's the awful part."
36134,126,6,14,[FLASHBACK]
36135,126,6,14,Robin: You remembered my birthday!
36136,126,6,14,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36137,126,6,14,"Marshall: Lawyered. Now can we all just admit that last words are, in fact, a big deal?"
36138,126,6,14,Everyone: Yes.
36139,126,6,14,"Barney: Man, I always thought I had it rough not really knowing my dad, but... now I realize at least I'll never have to suffer like this. Our next video is called ""German Shepherd Activates Tennis Ball Cannon While Fat Kid Sips Energy Drink."""
36140,126,6,14,"Marshall: Barney, please, Barney! It's... No more videos, okay? I just need a minute."
36141,126,6,14,"Judy: Okay... okay, who is responsible for this? Who got Cousin Daphne drunk? She is 15 years old."
36142,126,6,14,"Robin: Whoa, they grow big out here."
36143,126,6,14,Barney: And here's your phone number back.
36144,126,6,14,"Robin: Judy, I..."
36145,126,6,14,Lily: I did it.
36146,126,6,14,Judy: What possible excuse could you have for this?
36147,126,6,14,Lily: I'm from New York. We think getting minors drunk is funny.
36148,126,6,14,"Judy: There's nothing funny about getting minors drunk! You should be ashamed, Lily! Ashamed! Mmm! Oh, cripes, that's tasty. Mmm! Mmm!"
36149,126,6,14,"Lily: That salad's the first food she's eaten in two days. Sure, it's mostly cheese, mayonnaise and jelly beans, but it counts."
36150,126,6,14,"Ted: Well, at least someone's helping. We haven't made Marshall laugh once."
36151,126,6,14,Barney: Yeah. Showing videos of guys getting hit in the nuts wasn't going to do anything. I'm just stupid.
36152,126,6,14,Ted: Stupid.
36153,126,6,14,Barney: What we need to do is hit each other in the nuts.
36154,126,6,14,Ted: Yes. Nothing beats the immediacy of live theater. But which one of us is going to take the hit?(Barney hits Ted in the nuts) So that's it? No discussion?
36155,126,6,14,"Marshall: I'm not going to listen. ""Rent Crocodile Dundee II"" are the last words that my father will ever say to me, and I think I can live with that."
36156,126,6,14,Ted: Is he laughing?
36157,126,6,14,"Ted from 2030: Marshall really did think he could live with that. That is, until later, at the memorial service."
36158,126,6,14,Judy: My last talk with Marvin was so lovely.
36159,126,6,14,Ted from 2030: The stories his mother and brothers told were so perfect.
36160,126,6,14,"Marshall's brother #1: Then he picked my crying son up off the ice. He gave him a hug and said, ""Champ, it doesn't matter if you fall down once in a while."""
36161,126,6,14,"Marshall's brother #2: And as we hiked, a little deer appeared on the path. She hopped over to Dad and started eating-- right out of his hand."
36162,126,6,14,Judy: And then he kissed me and he said...
36163,126,6,14,"Marshall's brother #1: ""I will always be proud of you"""""
36164,126,6,14,"Marshall's brother #2: ""Life is such a gift."""
36165,126,6,14,"Judy: ""You know something, gorgeous, I'm the luckiest man alive."""
36166,126,6,14,"Barney, his voice breaking: Lame."
36167,126,6,14,Ted: These stories suck.
36168,126,6,14,Robin: Doesn't hold a candle to your Crocodile Dundee thing.
36169,126,6,14,"Lily: You're up next, baby."
36170,126,6,14,Marshall: I just need some air.
36171,126,6,14,"Lily: Baby, are you okay?"
36172,126,6,14,Marshall: I have to listen to it. It's a pocket dial. It's nothing.
36173,126,6,14,"Lily: Hey, so it's a pocket dial. You have so many great memories with your dad. Who cares about the last one?"
36174,126,6,14,Barney: She's right. Your dad was hilarious.
36175,126,6,14,"Marshall: You guys don't get it, okay? None of you do. My dad was my hero. And he was my teacher. And he was my best friend. He always came through for me. And now he's just gone. And what am I left with? (scratchy electronic sounds) Thanks a lot, God! Thank you! You took my father, the greatest man that I have ever known, and you ripped him off this Earth, way too young! And he'll never get to meet our kids, Lily. (scratchy sounds continue) But we got this voice mail. Thank you so much for the voice mail! It's a great comfort! 'Cause whenever I'm starting to feel lonely or sad, or-- or you know what, or maybe a little bit cheated, at least I got the sound of his pocket to console me. How is this fair? You know, like, an entire human life and it just ends for no reason, and... and what are we left with?"
36176,126,6,14,(scratchy sounds continue)
36177,126,6,14,"Marvin's voice: Marshall? Oh, looks like I've been calling you for almost five minutes. How's my pocket sound? (laughing) Oh, sorry about that, buddy. Um, anyway, your mom and I had such a great time seeing you. I love you."
36178,126,6,14,Lily: Looks like your dad came through one last time.
36179,126,6,14,"Marshall: ""I love you."" My father's last words to me are ""I love you."""
36180,126,6,14,"Marvin's voice: Ooh, and let me know if you find my foot cream. That fungus thing is acting up again."
36181,126,6,14,"Marshall: ""I love you."" My father's last words to me are ""I love you."""
36182,126,6,14,"Everyone: Yes. Yes, they were. We heard it. Loud and clear."
36183,126,6,14,"Marshall: Bye, Pop."
36184,126,6,14,"Ted from 2030: So Marshall finally got up to speak. Funny thing, though..."
36185,126,6,14,"Marshall: Then my father said the last words that he'll ever say to me: ""Rent Crocodile Dundee III. I caught it on the cable last night and it totally holds up."""
36186,126,6,14,Ted from 2030: He decided to keep Marvin's real last words just for himself.
36187,126,6,14,Judy: Thanks.
36188,126,6,14,Lily: For what?
36189,126,6,14,Judy: I know what you've been doing today. And I really needed it.
36190,126,6,14,Lily: Any time.
36191,126,6,14,"Judy: That dress makes you look like a Kansas City whore. Sorry, dear. Last one."
36192,126,6,14,At Judy's
36193,126,6,14,"Marshall: Oh, man. I should have rented Crocodile Dundee III."
36194,126,6,14,"Ted: Okay, seriously, how are you doing that?"
36195,126,6,14,"Marshall: Thanks. I'll be right back. And if I don't come back, well, then these are my last words to you all. I really, really, really love you guys. Now I'm going to go drop a deuce."
36196,126,6,14,"Ted from 2030: Last words-- it's a lot of pressure, kids."
36197,126,6,14,Ted is making a phone call
36198,126,6,14,"Ted: Hi, Dad."
36199,126,6,14,Lily is also making a phone call
36200,126,6,14,"Lily: Hi, Dad."
36201,126,6,14,Robin is calling her dad.
36202,126,6,14,"Robin: Hi, Dad."
36203,126,6,14,Barney is calling his mother.
36204,126,6,14,"Barney: Hey, Mom. I'm ready to meet my dad."
36205,127,6,15,"Ted from 2030: Kids, after Uncle Marshall lost his father, he decided to stay home a while to take care of his mother. (phone ringing) But the longer he stayed there, the more it was like he had never left Minnesota."
36206,127,6,15,Eriksen's house
36207,127,6,15,"Marshall: Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking."
36208,127,6,15,"Robin, laughing: Oh, that is too cute. Say it again."
36209,127,6,15,"Marshall: No. It's called manners, jerk. Now, what's-what's going on in New York? Give me something."
36210,127,6,15,"Robin: There is one thing that's been going on. Uh, it's about Ted... and Zoey."
36211,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36212,127,6,15,"Ted from 2030: Kids, remember. Zoey had tried to save an old building from being torn down and replaced by a new building that I'd been hired to design. And yet somehow, despite this, we had all managed to become friends. Which brings us to the night Aunt Robin decided to cook dinner."
36213,127,6,15,Ted's appartment
36214,127,6,15,Robin: I thought the oven was Celsius.
36215,127,6,15,Ted: It's okay. We got hot dogs.
36216,127,6,15,"Lily: Yeah, and it's not like you can screw up a hot dog. Oh, God. This is so good. I'm gonna finish it in the bathroom."
36217,127,6,15,Zoey: Could someone pass the ketchup?
36218,127,6,15,Barney: I hope I can pass this hot dog.
36219,127,6,15,(glass shatters)
36220,127,6,15,Zoey: Oh.Oops.
36221,127,6,15,"Ted: Well, looks like someone's going out in the cold to get more ketchup."
36222,127,6,15,"Zoey: Oh, come on, man, I brought the wine."
36223,127,6,15,Ted: Which is all gone.
36224,127,6,15,"Zoey: All right, I tell you what... you get this one bottle, I'll get the next three."
36225,127,6,15,"Ted: Hmm, tell you what... no dice."
36226,127,6,15,Zoey: I'll get the next hundred.
36227,127,6,15,Ted: You're not getting out of this.
36228,127,6,15,Zoey: You want to go on a date with my hot cousin?
36229,127,6,15,Ted: I'll get the ketchup.
36230,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36231,127,6,15,[OPENING CREDITS]
36232,127,6,15,"Marshall: Robin, I just want you to know, it's either this story you're telling me or another game of Clue against myself, so make it good."
36233,127,6,15,"Robin: Oh, it's good. You see, after that night, none of us heard from Zoey for a while."
36234,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36235,127,6,15,"Robin: Finally, Ted called her up."
36236,127,6,15,Zoey: Hello.
36237,127,6,15,"Ted: So are we ever gonna see you again? Because, if I recall correctly, you owe me a date with your hot cousin."
36238,127,6,15,Zoey: You still want to do that?
36239,127,6,15,Ted: Yes. And we miss you. But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that going.
36240,127,6,15,"Zoey: Don't worry, Ted, she's cute."
36241,127,6,15,"Barney, coughing: ""Cute"" means ""fat"""""
36242,127,6,15,Zoey: She's not fat.
36243,127,6,15,"Barney, coughing: ""Not fat"" means ""ugly"""""
36244,127,6,15,"Zoey: Oh, here she is."
36245,127,6,15,"Barney, coughing: I take back everything I said. That girl is extremely attractive."
36246,127,6,15,"Honey: Hey, Zoey."
36247,127,6,15,"Zoey: Hey. Ted, this is my cousin..."
36248,127,6,15,"Ted from 2030: Kids, to be honest, I don't quite remember this girl's name. None of us do, because as this story has been told and retold, we've always just referred to her as..."
36249,127,6,15,Honey: Honey.
36250,127,6,15,"Ted: Hi, Honey, I'm Ted."
36251,127,6,15,Ted from 2030: And here's why...
36252,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36253,127,6,15,"Robin: She is a lovely person... warm, intelligent, just kind of gullible. It's like, every word out of her mouth makes you want to be like, ""Oh, honey."""
36254,127,6,15,Marshall: Interesting. Show your work.
36255,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36256,127,6,15,Honey: My apartment building is so safe. My landlord... he even installed a security camera in my shower.
36257,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36258,127,6,15,"Marshall: Oh, honey."
36259,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36260,127,6,15,"Honey: Maybe I should feel weird about giving a stranger my Social Security number, but the guy's a Nigerian prince."
36261,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36262,127,6,15,"Marshall: Oh, honey."
36263,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36264,127,6,15,Honey: I just had a great TV audition. Behind the KFC where the executive producer works on the weekends.
36265,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36266,127,6,15,"Marshall: Oh, honey."
36267,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36268,127,6,15,"Honey: Long story short, I'm going to be on Lost."
36269,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36270,127,6,15,"Marshall: Oh, honey."
36271,127,6,15,"Robin: I know. You just want to wrap her up in a blanket and give her a cup of tea. She's, like, this little lost lamb who needs to be protected from the wolves. Speaking of whom..."
36272,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36273,127,6,15,"Honey: Yeah, I always get those e- mails from Michelle Obama and sometimes Obama himself."
36274,127,6,15,"Barney: Oh, honey."
36275,127,6,15,"Robin: So the night went on, and eventually everyone went home, except for Ted and Honey."
36276,127,6,15,"Honey: Wow, an architect. How fascinating."
36277,127,6,15,Barney: Why do they call 'em coasters?
36278,127,6,15,Robin: And Barney.
36279,127,6,15,"Honey: Okay, time to go home."
36280,127,6,15,"Barney: Ted, a word. God, I hate these situations. What are we gonna do about this?"
36281,127,6,15,Ted: What are you talking about?
36282,127,6,15,"Barney: Come on, Ted, it's obvious. Honey's vibing on me."
36283,127,6,15,Ted: What?
36284,127,6,15,Barney: It's called body language. Remember when she was touching your arm and leaning in real close?
36285,127,6,15,Ted: Mm-hmm.
36286,127,6,15,"Barney: Well, while that was happening, the straw in her drink was pointed right at me. I mean... that's as clear as a signal gets, so... I'm so sorry, man."
36287,127,6,15,"Ted: You're right. She's all yours, buddy. I'd say hump her brains out, but someone obviously already has."
36288,127,6,15,Ted's appartment
36289,127,6,15,"Robin: Good for you. Ted Mosby does not take advantage of poor, helpless honeys."
36290,127,6,15,"Ted: Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her."
36291,127,6,15,Robin: Hmm?
36292,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36293,127,6,15,Judy: He's gay!
36294,127,6,15,"Marshall: Mom, hang up!"
36295,127,6,15,Judy: I'm sorry.
36296,127,6,15,Marshall: Go on.
36297,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36298,127,6,15,"Ted: Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her."
36299,127,6,15,Robin: Hmm?
36300,127,6,15,Ted: I'm in love with Zoey.
36301,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36302,127,6,15,"Marshall: Oh, my God."
36303,127,6,15,"Judy: Oh, my God!"
36304,127,6,15,Marshall: Mom!
36305,127,6,15,Judy: Sorry.
36306,127,6,15,"Marshall: Ted's in love with Zoey? But, but she's married. That boy needs an intervention."
36307,127,6,15,Robin: Funny you should say that.
36308,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36309,127,6,15,Barney: Does anyone know why we're here?
36310,127,6,15,"Lily: Yeah, who called this intervention?"
36311,127,6,15,(Ted enters)
36312,127,6,15,Ted: I did. It's for me. This is about the coffee breath.
36313,127,6,15,Lily: Finally.
36314,127,6,15,"Robin: Hmm, no, it's the shoulder hair."
36315,127,6,15,"Barney: Guys, just let the man explain how it's all about his wearing a lady's watch."
36316,127,6,15,"Ted: It's because I'm in love with Zoey, and she's married, so it needs to stop. And... intervene."
36317,127,6,15,Lily: Are you sure it's love?
36318,127,6,15,"Ted: Remember the ketchup bottle? She wasn't the one who dropped it. When she reached for it, our fingers touched, and...(glass shatters) I knew, right in that moment, this isn't friendship. This is love."
36319,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36320,127,6,15,Wuss.
36321,127,6,15,Marshall: Marcus! This is a private conversation! So what'd the wuss do next?
36322,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36323,127,6,15,"Ted: This is love. And this was my grandmother's watch. Anyway, now I have only one course of action in front of me: I have to end my friendship with Zoey."
36324,127,6,15,Robin: Isn't that a little harsh?
36325,127,6,15,"Lily: Harsh? Robin, a single guy and a married woman cannot be friends if one's in love with the other."
36326,127,6,15,"Robin: Yeah, but Zoey is friends with us now, too. It's not like Ted can just ghost out on her. She'll always be around."
36327,127,6,15,Ted: Then what am I supposed to do?
36328,127,6,15,"Robin: Okay, just shut it down. Okay, just ignore your feelings. If-If she asks you for ketchup, tell her to get it her own damn self. Look, I like Zoey. Without her, my dinner party wouldn't have been such a success. So those feelings of yours... shut 'em down."
36329,127,6,15,Ted: Fine. I'll shut 'em down.
36330,127,6,15,"Lily: And seriously, mouthwash after coffee."
36331,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36332,127,6,15,(phone line beeps)
36333,127,6,15,"Marshall: Oh, um, that's my other line. It's not a number I recognize."
36334,127,6,15,Robin: So don't answer it.
36335,127,6,15,(line beeps)
36336,127,6,15,Marshall: Yeah.
36337,127,6,15,"Robin, with a Minnesotan accent: Oh, my God, you are so Minnesota. You can't not answer the phone because it would be rude."
36338,127,6,15,(line beeps)
36339,127,6,15,"Marshall: Well, it would be. Good-bye. Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking."
36340,127,6,15,"Barney: Hey, Marshall."
36341,127,6,15,Marshall: Barney. W- What number is this?
36342,127,6,15,"Barney: I'm up on burners, playa. Too many crazies had my old number, so now I'm all about disposable cell phones. I'll use one for a while, have my fun, then dump it and get a new one. And then I'll do the same with my phone."
36343,127,6,15,"Marshall: Hey, uh, so Robin told me about this whole Ted and Zoey thing."
36344,127,6,15,"Barney: Dude, she doesn't know how to tell a story. I'll tell you that story."
36345,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36346,127,6,15,(Zoey's cousin enters the bar)
36347,127,6,15,"Honey: Hey, Zoey."
36348,127,6,15,"Zoey: Ted, this is my cousin..."
36349,127,6,15,Honey: Honey.
36350,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36351,127,6,15,Marshall: Uh... Robin's version was...
36352,127,6,15,"Barney: That is exactly how it happened. So Ted did his best to impress her, but as per yoozh, he bored the pants very much on her."
36353,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36354,127,6,15,"Ted: Blah, blah, blah, I'm an architect. Blah, blah, blah, I don't wear suits. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
36355,127,6,15,"Honey: Wow, an architect. How fascinating."
36356,127,6,15,"Ted: Blah, blah, blah, blah. Rambling architecture anecdote. Blah, blah, something about a bridge. Blah, blah, blah..."
36357,127,6,15,"Honey, whispering: Straw."
36358,127,6,15,"Barney, whispering: Coaster."
36359,127,6,15,"Honey: Okay, time to go home."
36360,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36361,127,6,15,"Barney: Anyway, I get Honey back to her place."
36362,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36363,127,6,15,Barney: Who's your daddy?
36364,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36365,127,6,15,"Marshall: Okay, can we skip this part, please?"
36366,127,6,15,"Barney: Sure, I'll just summarize it. (imitating squeaky bedsprings)"
36367,127,6,15,"Marshall: Okay, that's been going on a while."
36368,127,6,15,"Barney: Only way I know how. Any-who, next day, I'm going into work. I run into Zoey."
36369,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36370,127,6,15,"Barney: Hey, Zoey. That cousin of yours... Honey... yowsa! I must say, your family tree has got a couple of pretty big coconuts."
36371,127,6,15,Zoey: Thanks.
36372,127,6,15,"Barney: Yeah, we had a great time last night. And then just hand stuff in the morning, so..."
36373,127,6,15,"Zoey: Wait, she didn't go home with Ted?"
36374,127,6,15,"Barney: Nope, he let me have her. I have to say, it was pretty noble of him. He fell on his sword so that she could fall on mine. I won't bore you with the details, but to summarize... (imitating squeaky bedsprings)"
36375,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36376,127,6,15,
36377,127,6,15,Barney: She hugged me. What was that all about?
36378,127,6,15,Marcus: Zoey's in love with Ted.
36379,127,6,15,Marshall: Marcus!
36380,127,6,15,"Marcus: Wait, hear me out, Marshall. Zoey's in love with Ted, but she's married, so she tried to push him away by setting him up with her cousin instead. But seeing Ted and Honey hit it off was more than her gentle heart could bear, so Zoey left early, pricked by love's fickle thorn. But then, the next morning, upon learning that Ted had not tasted of Honey's sweet nectar, her joy burst forth like a blossoming flower in spring."
36381,127,6,15,Marshall: Wow. Zoey's in love with Ted.
36382,127,6,15,"Marcus: Oh, Marshall, I stopped by that new doughnut shop Hertz Donuts. Would you like a Hertz Donut?"
36383,127,6,15,"Marshall: Sure. Hey, where's the...? No! Aah!"
36384,127,6,15,"Marcus: Hurts, don't it? I can't believe you fell for that, bro."
36385,127,6,15,"Marshall: So Ted's in love with Zoey and Zoey's in love with Ted? Well, that-that's not going to work. I got to call Ted."
36386,127,6,15,(phone ringing)
36387,127,6,15,Ted: Hello.
36388,127,6,15,"Marshall: Listen, Ted, um, I got to tell you something about Zoey."
36389,127,6,15,"Ted: Yeah, yeah. I need to tell you something about Zoey, too."
36390,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36391,127,6,15,(Ted opens his entru door)
36392,127,6,15,Zoey: Hey. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd take you up on that beer you're about to offer me.
36393,127,6,15,Ted: Can I get you a beer?
36394,127,6,15,"Zoey: Oh, Ted, I'm so busy. But I guess I got time for one. Lead the way."
36395,127,6,15,"Ted, laughing: Oh, my God."
36396,127,6,15,"Zoey: What?! Fridge full of ketchup? How? How, I ask you? What?"
36397,127,6,15,"Ted:Listen, Zoey, I, um... I need to tell you something. Um..."
36398,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36399,127,6,15,"Judy: Marshall, I'm going to Byerly's. You want anything?"
36400,127,6,15,Marshall: Mom! Get off the phone!
36401,127,6,15,"Marcus: Could you get some more Bugles, please?"
36402,127,6,15,"Judy: Of course, dear."
36403,127,6,15,"Marshall: Marcus, hang up! Both of you, hang up! And we need ice cream. Go on."
36404,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36405,127,6,15,"Ted: I, uh... I can't be friends with you anymore. And this may seem strange, but... you can't ask me why."
36406,127,6,15,Zoey: Wow. Okay.
36407,127,6,15,(Zoey leaves)
36408,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36409,127,6,15,Ted: And that was it. No more Zoey.
36410,127,6,15,(line beeps)
36411,127,6,15,"Marshall: Oh. Hey, buddy, that's Lily. I should take that. But, uh, you're a good guy, Ted. Hey, baby."
36412,127,6,15,Lily: We hate Ted now. Get on board or the sexting stops.
36413,127,6,15,"Marshall: Ted's a son of a bitch! (cell phone chirps) Oh, nice. But, hey, um, baby, go easy on Ted, okay? He just, he just ended things with Zoey."
36414,127,6,15,"Lily: Oh, I know. But did he tell you the whole story?"
36415,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36416,127,6,15,"Ted: I, uh, I can't be friends with you anymore. And you can't ask me why."
36417,127,6,15,Zoey: Why?
36418,127,6,15,Ted: Lily hates you.
36419,127,6,15,(Lily opens her appartment's entry door)
36420,127,6,15,Zoey: You hate me?
36421,127,6,15,Lily: That's crazy. I don't hate you.
36422,127,6,15,"Zoey: Well, I know that's not true, Lily. Ted told me everything."
36423,127,6,15,"Lily: He... Oh, really? And-And what did Ted say, exactly?"
36424,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36425,127,6,15,Ted: Lily hates you. She hates you so much it's hard to be around you. So we can't be friends.
36426,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36427,127,6,15,"Lily: Oh, he... Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay, well, I- I guess there's no use hiding it anymore. I- I hate you. Bitch."
36428,127,6,15,Zoey: I can't believe it. I really thought you and I were friends. Lord knows I could use a friend right now. I've been going through some pretty difficult stuff.
36429,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36430,127,6,15,Marshall: Difficult stuff? What difficult stuff?
36431,127,6,15,Lily: I don't know.
36432,127,6,15,"Marshall: Well, you did the right thing, baby."
36433,127,6,15,Lily: Not entirely.
36434,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36435,127,6,15,"Lily: Zoey, wait! I don't hate you! We just can't be friends anymore because... Robin hates you."
36436,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36437,127,6,15,(line beeps)
36438,127,6,15,Marshall: And that's Robin on the other line.
36439,127,6,15,"Lily: Oh, well, I'll let you take that. Love you, baby!"
36440,127,6,15,"Marshall: Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking... Listen, Robin. I know. I apologize for my wife. She never should have..."
36441,127,6,15,"Robin: Yeah, I told Zoey you hate her."
36442,127,6,15,Marshall: Me? You dragged me into this?!
36443,127,6,15,Robin: You just went through a tragedy. It's not like she's gonna call you up and...
36444,127,6,15,(line beeps)
36445,127,6,15,"Marshall: Oh, God, that's my other line. Oh, God, it's a 917 number, and I don't recognize it! I think it's Zoey!"
36446,127,6,15,Robin: Just don't answer it.
36447,127,6,15,Marshall: I can't not answer. It's impolite.
36448,127,6,15,"Robin: Marshall, you can beat this."
36449,127,6,15,Marshall: I can't turn my back on politeness.
36450,127,6,15,Robin: You don't have to answer. You can just let it ring.
36451,127,6,15,"Marshall: Good manners are what separate us from those ""elbows on the table"" Wisconsinites."
36452,127,6,15,"Robin: You can do this. I believe in you. Don't do it, Marshall!"
36453,127,6,15,"Marshall: I'm sorry, Robin! Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking."
36454,127,6,15,"Honey: Hi. I spent the night with your friend Barney and he accidentally left his phone in my apartment, in the garbage. But I've been going through all of his contacts because I'm sure he wants to get in touch with me. After all, he told me, uh... I was his first."
36455,127,6,15,"Marshall: Oh, honey. Oh! Honey! Zoey's cousin."
36456,127,6,15,Honey: Hi.
36457,127,6,15,"Marshall: Listen, um, about Barney..."
36458,127,6,15,"Honey: Oh, yeah. He's such a sweet guy."
36459,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36460,127,6,15,Barney: Who's your daddy?
36461,127,6,15,"Honey, giggling: Oh... Who's your daddy?"
36462,127,6,15,"Barney, sobbing: I don't know."
36463,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36464,127,6,15,Honey: I guess he recently decided to get in touch with his dad. His mom gave him the guy's address.
36465,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36466,127,6,15,Barney: So I wrote him a letter. And I poured my heart out. And I gave him my number and I told him to call me. And he still hasn't called me.
36467,127,6,15,"Honey: Oh, honey."
36468,127,6,15,"Barney: I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. Clearly, he wants nothing to do with me."
36469,127,6,15,"Honey: Oh, honey."
36470,127,6,15,"Barney: I mean, why else would he let 30 years go by? He's ashamed to have me as a son."
36471,127,6,15,"Honey: Oh, honey, he's not ashamed of you. He's ashamed of himself. I mean, look at you. You're do so great without him. I mean, you have an airline and three Nobel Prizes, and you play for the Yankees."
36472,127,6,15,Barney: Four. Four Nobel Prizes.
36473,127,6,15,"Honey: Four. See? That is impressive. I mean, how many does he have?"
36474,127,6,15,Barney: Only three.
36475,127,6,15,"Honey: Well, there you go."
36476,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36477,127,6,15,"Marshall: Hey, uh, listen, Honey, while I've got you, do you have any idea what kind of difficult stuff Zoey's been going through?"
36478,127,6,15,"Honey: Oh, I can't tell you about that. The only people that are allowed to know are me, Zoey and her therapist."
36479,127,6,15,Marshall: I am her therapist.
36480,127,6,15,"Honey: Oh! Well, in that case..."
36481,127,6,15,"Marshall: Uh, okay, listen, I think we've made great progress for today. I got to go. Bye. Mom! Marcus!"
36482,127,6,15,The appartment
36483,127,6,15,(knocking at door)
36484,127,6,15,Zoey: What's this really about?
36485,127,6,15,Ted: I told you. Lily hates you.
36486,127,6,15,"Zoey: I think you hate me. I think you have some big problem with me, and you're too chicken to come out and say it."
36487,127,6,15,Ted: All right. Yes. I... hate you.
36488,127,6,15,Zoey: Great. See? Was that so hard?
36489,127,6,15,Ted: Zoey.
36490,127,6,15,"Zoey: Can you at least tell me why? Because I'm racking my brain here, and I thought... I just want to know why."
36491,127,6,15,"Marshall: So we got Ted and Zoey. Ted is in love with Zoey. Zoey has no idea. Then Zoey's cousin Honey went home with Barney, and Zoey was happy about it. Which tells us what?"
36492,127,6,15,Marcus: Zoey's in love with...
36493,127,6,15,"Marshall: Zoey's in love with Ted and Ted doesn't know. So Ted and Zoey... they're in love with each other, which would be fine if Zoey wasn't married to Colonel Mustard. I mean, The Captain. Except now, as Honey informs me..."
36494,127,6,15,[FLASHBACK]
36495,127,6,15,Ted: And we miss you. But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that going.
36496,127,6,15,"Zoey: Fine, I will, uh, make it happen. Good-bye. Okay. Well... I guess I'll take it."
36497,127,6,15,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36498,127,6,15,Marshall: Zoey and The Captain are getting divorced. Which means...?
36499,127,6,15,"Marcus: So help me, Marshall, if you don't call those two crazy, mixed-up kids, I will."
36500,127,6,15,Marshall: Give me that phone.
36501,127,6,15,"Ted: Why do I hate you? Are you kidding? Uh, you're actively trying to prevent me from realizing a lifelong dream. So there's that. Plus, you're stubborn and-and-and argumentative. And what kind of name is Zoey, huh? What is that, short for Zoseph? (cell phone ringing) Go on, get it. I'll have more in a second."
36502,127,6,15,"Zoey: Hello. Oh, hey, Marshall...Yes, I am...Yes, I am...He is?...Bye."
36503,127,6,15,Ted: Why was Marshall calling?
36504,127,6,15,Zoey: Don't worry about it. Go on.
36505,127,6,15,"Ted: You talk during movies. You-You-You sneeze with your whole body. Uh, to my knowledge, you do not speak Portuguese."
36506,127,6,15,"Zoey: Well, actually... (speaking Portuguese)"
36507,127,6,15,Ted: You're a show-off.
36508,127,6,15,(cell phone ringing)
36509,127,6,15,Zoey: You better take that.
36510,127,6,15,"Ted: Uh, hey, Marshall, can I call you back? I'm out in the hallway with... She is? She is? Marshall, I got to go."
36511,127,6,15,"(He walks over Zoey et kisses her. The neighbour, on the phone, opens her door)"
36512,127,6,15,Neighbour: They're kissing.
36513,127,6,15,Marshall: They're kissing?! Yeah! (screams) They're kissing!
36514,128,6,16,"Ted from 2030: My first kiss with Zoey was amazing, and complicated."
36515,128,6,16,"Ted: Look, um... I know you're going through a lot right now. Getting divorced, being single, figuring out who you are on your own."
36516,128,6,16,Zoey: Someone knows how to set a mood.
36517,128,6,16,Ted: I just mean... I'm okay taking this slow. I want to do this right.
36518,128,6,16,"Ted from 2030: My friends, as usual, were completely supportive."
36519,128,6,16,The Bar
36520,128,6,16,"Barney:  You're doing this all wrong! Ted, there are couples in my kindergarten class who have moved faster than you two. Granted, their home lives are not great."
36521,128,6,16,"Ted: Hey, I'm trying. I keep suggesting these big, romantic dates, and she keeps putting on the brakes. Like tonight, she wants me to just come over and bake cookies."
36522,128,6,16,Robin:  Oh. Translation: booty-call.
36523,128,6,16,Barney:  Total booty-call.
36524,128,6,16,"Lily: Private Booty, reporting for duty."
36525,128,6,16,Ted: That's crazy. She-She wants to bake.
36526,128,6,16,"Robin:  Guys booty-call girls after 2:00 a.m. with a drunkenly slurred, ""What ya doing?"" But when a lady booty-calls a guy, she invents a respectable excuse to mask the fact that she wants to get stuck real good."
36527,128,6,16,"Lily: It's called class, Ted."
36528,128,6,16,"Ted: Wait. That... You think that's what she means by ""baking cookies""?"
36529,128,6,16,"Lily: Are you kidding? You're in the kitchen, it's getting hot, you start licking stuff off each others' fingers. Before you know it, she's bent over the marble island, and you're spanking her with a rubber spatula. And she's screaming, ""Stop, Marshall, stop,"" but that's just code for ""harder!"""
36530,128,6,16,"Ted: Marshall's been in Minnesota a while, huh?"
36531,128,6,16,Lily: So long! And now he's staying even longer. His mom has been having a really hard time since the funeral. He's waiting on her hand and foot. But... it's Valentine's Day. It's not going to be the same without the two of us watching Predator together.
36532,128,6,16,"Ted from 2030: I should explain. On their very first Valentine's Day, Marshall and Lily set out to watch Sleepless in Seattle."
36533,128,6,16,[FLASHBACK]
36534,128,6,16,"Marshall: You know, I saw this in the theater, like, five times, but I never got to see it with the right girl."
36535,128,6,16,Lily: I'm so glad none of those girls were right for you.
36536,128,6,16,Marshall: What girls?
36537,128,6,16,"ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: If it bleeds, we can kill it."
36538,128,6,16,Ted from 2030: Except Marshall's brothers had taped over it with Predator. And it became a tradition.
36539,128,6,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36540,128,6,16,"Barney:  Wow, you sound really lonely."
36541,128,6,16,"Lily: I am. Earlier today, I burst into tears..."
36542,128,6,16,"Barney:  Shh. Daddy's talking now. Loneliness. The looming specter of Valentine's Day fast approaching. The two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year, February 13: Desperation Day."
36543,128,6,16,Robin:  That's not a thing.
36544,128,6,16,"Barney:  It's a thing. Much like Valentine's Day itself, Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. Weddings were forbidden under ancient Roman law, so Saint Valentine performed them in secret, under threat of death."
36545,128,6,16,Ted: That's actually true.
36546,128,6,16,"Barney:  Wait, there's more."
36547,128,6,16,Ted: This won't be.
36548,128,6,16,[FLASHBACK]
36549,128,6,16,"Barney:  And right by Saint Valentine's side was his best bro, Saint Desperatius, there to pick off insecure bridesmaids."
36550,128,6,16,Saint Desperatius: Whoa. Check out that one. Her body is a perfect X.
36551,128,6,16,"Saint Valentine: Player, play on. High V."
36552,128,6,16,"Woman: Oh, Jupiter, what are your plans for me? 15 and still unmarried."
36553,128,6,16,Saint Desperatius: And I thought Pompeii was smokin'.
36554,128,6,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36555,128,6,16,"Barney:  Every woman wants a date on Valentine's Day. That neediness reaches its climax... what up... on February 13. A magical night when a ten has the self-esteem of a four and the depraved enthusiasm of a two. Now, there's only one thing you can't do."
36556,128,6,16,"Robin:  Please say ""widows."""
36557,128,6,16,"Barney:  Wherever you are, or whoever you're under, you must get home alone by 11:59 p.m. Otherwise, you're on a date on Valentine's Day."
36558,128,6,16,"Robin:  Barney, Desperation Day assumes that all single women freak out about Valentine's Day. Which we do not. Case in point, I will be spending February 13 with some lovely single ladies from work..."
36559,128,6,16,Barney:  Trolls.
36560,128,6,16,Robin: ...who could care less about Valentine's Day.
36561,128,6,16,Barney:  Lying trolls.
36562,128,6,16,"Robin:  And we will be celebrating the fact that we don't have to spend it with some dippy guy carting around roses and stuffed toys all night. Oh, no offense, Ted."
36563,128,6,16,Ted: And none was taken until just then.
36564,128,6,16,[OPENING CREDITS]
36565,128,6,16,Lily: I decided to go to Minnesota to see Marshall. He shouldn't have to help his mom through this rough time all by himself.
36566,128,6,16,"Barney: You losing your mind, being alone in your apartment?"
36567,128,6,16,Lily: I'm getting weird!
36568,128,6,16,[FLASHBACK]
36569,128,6,16,"Lily: See, it started off with me throwing Marshall's jersey on my body pillow. And, well, things kind of spiraled from there. I'm sorry I yelled like that before."
36570,128,6,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36571,128,6,16,"Lily: I call him ""Marshpillow."" And he calls me... nothing because he's a pillow."
36572,128,6,16,(Ted enters)
36573,128,6,16,"Robin:  Hey. How was ""baking cookies"" last night?"
36574,128,6,16,Ted from 2030: That was a tough question. You see...
36575,128,6,16,[FLASHBACK]
36576,128,6,16,Zoey: Uh... Is that an overnight bag?
36577,128,6,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36578,128,6,16,(Lily and Robin groan)
36579,128,6,16,Lily: You brought an overnight bag?
36580,128,6,16,Ted: You guys said I was definitely going to spend the night.
36581,128,6,16,"Barney:  We said you were going to have s*x. We didn't say, ""Bring a carry-on."""
36582,128,6,16,Robin:  So how did Zoey react?
36583,128,6,16,Ted: She thought it was presumptuous and asked me to leave. It's-It's not like I brought a ton of stuff.
36584,128,6,16,Robin:  Were there slippers for the morning?
36585,128,6,16,"Ted: Not slippers, exactly."
36586,128,6,16,"(Lily, Robin and Barney groaning)"
36587,128,6,16,Ted: They're called British morning socks.
36588,128,6,16,At the Eriksens' house
36589,128,6,16,Judy: This is such a nice surprise. Marshall will be so happy.
36590,128,6,16,"Lily: How are you holding up, Judy?"
36591,128,6,16,"Judy: Oh, I'm doin' okay. It gets a little lonely. My friends suggested a body pillow, but...(chuckles) I'm not a lunatic."
36592,128,6,16,"Marshall: Hey, Mom? I hate to be that guy, but I'm pretty sure it was Hot Pocket o'clock, like, ten minutes ago. Lily. What are you doing here?"
36593,128,6,16,Lily: I wanted to surprise you.
36594,128,6,16,"Marshall: Oh, my gosh. That's so sweet. I'm so glad you're here. Hey, um, before I forget, Mom, did you remember to get more double-A batteries?"
36595,128,6,16,"Judy: Oh, they're upstairs, sweetie. Right next to your washed and folded clothes."
36596,128,6,16,"Marshall: Oh, great, okay. I don't want my Game Boy to crap out. I'm having the sickest Dr. Mario run of my life. Okay. I'll be right back. I love you, Lily. Okay. You're the best, Mom."
36597,128,6,16,"Judy: Aw... Anything for my baby bear. Get him out of my house. Take Marshall back to New York with you. Please, I am begging you."
36598,128,6,16,Lily: I thought he was here helping you.
36599,128,6,16,"Judy: Well, he was, at first. But once he saw me starting to do better, he kind of regressed. He's been holed up in his room for days at a time, playing old video games. I mean, he is having a pretty sick Dr. Mario run, but..."
36600,128,6,16,"Lily: Uh, I'll talk to him."
36601,128,6,16,"Judy: I want to be there for him, but it's like he's a teenager again. I even walked in on him abusing himself."
36602,128,6,16,"Lily: Oh, God."
36603,128,6,16,"Judy: There he was, on the bed, looking at old photos of his dad. That's emotional self-abuse, don't you think?"
36604,128,6,16,Ted's appartment
36605,128,6,16,(knocking)
36606,128,6,16,"Ted: Listen, that was a dumb move for me to just assume..."
36607,128,6,16,"Zoey: No, no, I overreacted. I mean, I invited you over to ""bake cookies."" We both knew what that meant."
36608,128,6,16,Ted: We totally did.
36609,128,6,16,"Zoey: I just, you know... I saw those slippers in your bag, and suddenly everything felt really serious. And... ever since, I've been asking myself, ""Am I ready for this?"" And... the answer is ""yes."""
36610,128,6,16,Ted: They're actually called British morning socks.
36611,128,6,16,Zoey: Yeah. Don't get in your own way.
36612,128,6,16,Ted: Right. Okay.
36613,128,6,16,At the Eriksens' house
36614,128,6,16,"Lily: Um, Marshall, your mom asked me to carry this up. She turned her ankle on your Hot Wheels. Is my track okay? It's fine, but, Marshall, I thought you were here taking care of your mom. It seems like she's taking care of you."
36615,128,6,16,"Marshall: My mom loves to feel needed. Letting her take care of me is how I'm taking care of her. She's in a dark place, Lily. She needs this. Mom? You forgot my chocolate milk with the swirly straw!"
36616,128,6,16,Judy: Oops. Comin' right up!
36617,128,6,16,"Marshall, whispers: She needs this."
36618,128,6,16,"Lily: Marshall, tomorrow's Valentine's. Don't you want to be at home on our couch, cuddling up under a warm blanket, watching the Predator use his heat vision to stalk helpless prey?"
36619,128,6,16,"Marshall: Well, baby, we could watch Predator here. No, my mom can go rent it for us after she's done digging out the car."
36620,128,6,16,"Lily: Marshall, your mom wants you out of here."
36621,128,6,16,Marshall: What?
36622,128,6,16,"Judy: Anything else, sweetie?"
36623,128,6,16,"Marshall: Mom, d-do you want me to leave?"
36624,128,6,16,"Judy: Heavens to Bess, no! Of course not!"
36625,128,6,16,"Lily: But, Judy, you said..."
36626,128,6,16,"Judy: Oh, if Marshall could stay here forever, I would be the happiest mom in Minnesota."
36627,128,6,16,Zoey: So Valentine's Day is tomorrow.
36628,128,6,16,"Ted: Yeah. You know, there's this new Italian restaurant on 79th that's supposed to be amazing."
36629,128,6,16,"Zoey: I would be happier having just a simple, home-cooked meal. As long as it's with you."
36630,128,6,16,"Ted: Tomorrow night, my place."
36631,128,6,16,"Zoey: I'm ready for this, Ted. I am in it for the long haul. I can't wait for our first Valentine's Day as a couple. The one we'll remember for years."
36632,128,6,16,
36633,128,6,16,The bar
36634,128,6,16,Ted: Isn't that great?
36635,128,6,16,"Robin:  Yeah, if you say so, yeah."
36636,128,6,16,Ted: What do you mean?
36637,128,6,16,"Robin:  Look, she just got out of a marriage, Ted. That's heavy. I'm kind of freaking out, just listening to you. My heart is pounding, I'm hearing this weird clicking noise."
36638,128,6,16,"Ted: Well, it's romantic, right? Zoey and I are getting serious on Valentine's Day."
36639,128,6,16,"Robin:  See, that just amps up the pressure even more. Boy, it's a good thing that you're sure."
36640,128,6,16,"Ted: Who said I wasn't sure? I'm glad we're in a serious relationship. Right away. And if I screw this up, I'm the devil, because she's going through a divorce. But I'm not going to screw this up. So stop freaking out, Robin. Stop freaking out!"
36641,128,6,16,"Ted from 2030: Kids, I'm not super proud of what I did next."
36642,128,6,16,At the Eriksens' House
36643,128,6,16,Ted: Hi! I'm here to help Marshall.
36644,128,6,16,"Ted from 2030: Meanwhile, as Desperation Day turned into Desperation Night..."
36645,128,6,16,The Bar
36646,128,6,16,"Barney:  God, these girls are so hungry for male attention. It is like being a hunter and having the deer walk up, tie itself to the hood of your car and beg to get mounted."
36647,128,6,16,"Robin:  Barney, this is Bev and Anna, uh, my coworkers and my friends. Bev, Anna, this is Barney, a high-functioning sociopath and my ex."
36648,128,6,16,"Barney:  Enchanté. That's French for ""What's with the purple?"""
36649,128,6,16,"Robin:  Well, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and everything is pink and red, so Bev very thoughtfully suggested that we wear purple to show how little we care."
36650,128,6,16,"Bev: I use, uh, colors to express emotion. Purple is for pride. It was a stupid idea."
36651,128,6,16,"Anna: Bev, you look at me. It's not a stupid idea. Tonight, we are queens."
36652,128,6,16,"Robin:  And we don't care about some stupid, sexist, corporate holiday."
36653,128,6,16,"Barney:  Please! You might as well be dog-earing a tear-stained bridal magazine while wolfing down the box of chocolates you had delivered to yourself at work from your ""fiancé"" who no one's ever met."
36654,128,6,16,Bev: Gerard is real!
36655,128,6,16,At the Eriksens' house
36656,128,6,16,(Ted and Marshall are playing video games)
36657,128,6,16,Lily: Ted... I thought you were going to talk to Marshall about coming back to New York.
36658,128,6,16,"Ted: Yeah, but, you know, things move so fast in New York. Why not hang out here until at least after Valentine's Day. Plus, we're helping Marshall's mom. Uh, Mrs. Eriksen, we're running low on SunnyD!"
36659,128,6,16,Judy: Is orange juice okay?
36660,128,6,16,Ted & Marshall: No!
36661,128,6,16,The Bar
36662,128,6,16,"Barney:  Okay, when your ""fiancé"" Gerard comes back from fixing cleft palates in Peru, maybe snatch a photo of the two of you together, and then I'll totally believe you."
36663,128,6,16,"Bev: Well, he's going to Kenya after Peru, so..."
36664,128,6,16,"Nora: Hey, guys, so sorry I'm late."
36665,128,6,16,"Robin:  Hey. Hey, Nora. Uh, Nora, this is Barney. You want to see Anna beat him in an arm wrestle?"
36666,128,6,16,Barney:  My elbow slipped!
36667,128,6,16,At the Eriksens' house
36668,128,6,16,"Lily: Marshall, I'm going home."
36669,128,6,16,Marshall: What?
36670,128,6,16,"Lily: I'm flying out tonight before the big storm, and I want you to come with me."
36671,128,6,16,"Marshall: I can't right now, 'cause my mom needs me."
36672,128,6,16,Lily: While I'm sure it's been really helpful for her to have you here playing Super Mario Kart for 14 hours a day...
36673,128,6,16,Ted: You have Super Mario Kart?!
36674,128,6,16,"Marshall: Hell, yeah."
36675,128,6,16,Lily: But your mom doesn't need you. Your life in New York needs you. It needs you really bad.
36676,128,6,16,"Marshall: Baby, don't go."
36677,128,6,16,Lily: Please come home soon.
36678,128,6,16,The Bar
36679,128,6,16,"Barney:  So, you were an Olympic gymnast?"
36680,128,6,16,Woman: Silver medal.
36681,128,6,16,"Barney:  Ooh, sorry. Gold's the only thing that really counts."
36682,128,6,16,Woman: That's what my dad said.
36683,128,6,16,"Barney:  And she sticks the landing. Why don't you start stretching, and I'll... be right back. Hey, hey, sorry."
36684,128,6,16,"Nora: Oh, hi."
36685,128,6,16,Barney:  Quick question.
36686,128,6,16,Nora: Yeah.
36687,128,6,16,Barney:  Why aren't you wearing purple like your friends?
36688,128,6,16,"Nora: Oh, I told them I forgot, but the truth is, I'm kind of protesting their protest. Can you keep a secret?"
36689,128,6,16,Barney:  Sure.
36690,128,6,16,Nora: I love Valentine's Day.
36691,128,6,16,"Barney:  Oh, my gosh! Me, too! Um, is it getting crowded in here, 'cause I think there are two peas in this pod?"
36692,128,6,16,"Nora: Oh, you're a gooey romantic, too?"
36693,128,6,16,"Barney:  Guilty. This is embarrassing but every year, I buy flowers and a box of chocolates, even if I'm not with someone. Just in case, you know?"
36694,128,6,16,Nora: We are pitiful.
36695,128,6,16,Barney:  The worst.
36696,128,6,16,(both chuckle)
36697,128,6,16,Nora: Although there is one difference between you and me.
36698,128,6,16,Barney:  What's that?
36699,128,6,16,Nora: I'm not saying any of this to get in your pants.
36700,128,6,16,At the Eriksen's House
36701,128,6,16,"Marshall: I miss my dad, Ted. I miss him so much."
36702,128,6,16,Ted: I know.
36703,128,6,16,"Marshall: Um, when I was a kid, we would spend the summers in the Upper Peninsula. And every year, we wouldn't get to the cabin till, like, the middle of the night. And so, it would be pitch black, in the middle of the woods. And I could never see anything in front of the headlights but I always felt so safe 'cause my dad was driving. He was like some sort of superhero who could just see way out into the darkness. Now he's just gone. And it's pitch black. And I can't see where I'm going. I can't see anything."
36704,128,6,16,The Bar
36705,128,6,16,"Barney:  All right, okay. I was playing you before. But I was really doing you a public service. It's February 13... a day many are now calling Desperation Day. It's kind of a thing. And you walking around, saying you're a gooey romantic? It comes across a bit desperate."
36706,128,6,16,"Nora: What's desperate about knowing what you want? Look, life is really short, Barney. Who wants to spend Valentine's Day alone, distracting yourself from the fact that nobody loves you with some sad little activity?"
36707,128,6,16,"Barney:  Um, or you could be in the 47th Semi-Annual Laser Tag Tournament in Poughkeepsie."
36708,128,6,16,Nora: I have no idea what any of those words mean.
36709,128,6,16,"Woman: Hey, I'm all stretched out!"
36710,128,6,16,Barney:  Here's the first thing you need to know about laser tag.
36711,128,6,16,At the Eriksens' House
36712,128,6,16,"Marshall: Thanks a lot for coming out here, man."
36713,128,6,16,Ted: Yeah.
36714,128,6,16,"Marshall: Hey, are-are you sure it's okay with Zoey that you're here for Valentine's Day?"
36715,128,6,16,"Ted: Well, I mean, technically, she doesn't know yet."
36716,128,6,16,Marshall: What?
36717,128,6,16,"Ted: Things with Zoey are moving really fast, and the divorce just makes everything more complicated. I just, I needed to take a step back."
36718,128,6,16,"Marshall: You're not taking a step back. You're running away. And hiding out here, hiding out here is not gonna solve anything. You're just holed up in Minnesota because you're too scared to face reality, and it's... We got to go back to New York, tonight."
36719,128,6,16,Ted: We're snowed in. Lily got the last flight.
36720,128,6,16,"Marshall: So, we drive. It's time. It's time to get back to real life. It's time to grow up. Yeah Mom! Can you make us some PB and J's for the road?"
36721,128,6,16,Ted: Crusts cut off.
36722,128,6,16,"Marshall: Crusts cut off! No, Ted. What are we...? We're men. Mom! Leave the crusts on! They forced their opponents to scatter, picking them off, one by one, in a swift and merciless slaughter."
36723,128,6,16,The Bar
36724,128,6,16,Barney: ...became the 2010 Tri-County Champions.
36725,128,6,16,Nora: Wow. Laser tag sounds brilliant!
36726,128,6,16,"Barney:  Oh, it is. Plus, if you win, you get free pizza. This is my teammate for tomorrow."
36727,128,6,16,"Robin:  Oh, yeah, I agreed to that."
36728,128,6,16,Nora: Where are Bev and Anna?
36729,128,6,16,Robin:  Well...
36730,128,6,16,[FLASHBACK]
36731,128,6,16,"Bev: So, we're taking off."
36732,128,6,16,Robin:  What?
36733,128,6,16,Anna: Those guys are gonna buy us hot dogs at Grey's Papaya.
36734,128,6,16,"Robin:  What...? So that's it? A couple of white Urkels offer you sausages, and you're gone? What about the sisterhood? Solidarity? The color purple?"
36735,128,6,16,Bev: But tomorrow's Valentine's Day.
36736,128,6,16,Robin:  I thought we didn't care about Valentine's Day.
36737,128,6,16,"Anna: Look, Robin, you'll find someone, too. You're a queen. You've got so much to offer. Maybe do something with that hair."
36738,128,6,16,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36739,128,6,16,"Barney:  I'm telling you. The power of Valentine's Day. I'm Huey Lewis, and you just heard the news."
36740,128,6,16,"Nora: Well, I think I'm heading out, too."
36741,128,6,16,"Barney:  What? No, don't go! You want to see a magic trick?!"
36742,128,6,16,"Nora: It's late, and I have a date with my pillow. I mean, not literally. I'm not a lunatic. Boy Scout Troop 15 doesn't stand a chance. Bye."
36743,128,6,16,Robin:  Speaking of the power of Valentine's Day...
36744,128,6,16,Barney:  What are you talking about?
36745,128,6,16,"Robin:  Oh, come on. It's-It's past midnight. Desperation Day has come and gone, and you have neither gone nor come. You know why? You like Nora."
36746,128,6,16,"Barney:  No, I don't. She's gross."
36747,128,6,16,Robin:  Oh... You like her. You think she smells like rain.
36748,128,6,16,Barney:  Whatever you say.
36749,128,6,16,"Robin:  Oh, hey, Nora."
36750,128,6,16,Barney:  Nora...
36751,128,6,16,"MARVIN: Here's a secret. I couldn't see worth a damn, either, buddy. I just kept driving forward, hoping for the best. Look out! Gotcha."
36752,128,6,16,"Ted from 2030: And so we drove through the night, out of Desperation Day and into Valentine's. And there was no trace of my little freak out, except..."
36753,128,6,16,Ted's appartment
36754,128,6,16,Zoey: Really? An overnight bag for your own living room? Looks like we got a matching set.
36755,128,6,16,"Ted: Well, that was kind of presumptuous."
36756,128,6,16,At the Laser Tag Center
36757,128,6,16,"Barney:  The ground was shaking like. Robin, where are you? Those Boy Scouts have grown a foot since last year. They're terrifying!"
36758,128,6,16,"Robin:  Oh, yeah. Change of plans. Happy Valentine's Day."
36759,128,6,16,Barney:  Hap...?
36760,128,6,16,"Nora: Hey, Barney. Robin told me to meet you guys here."
36761,128,6,16,"Ted from 2030: And that's how, for the first time in his life, Barney Stinson wound up on a date on Valentine's Day."
36762,128,6,16,(Barney's shot)
36763,128,6,16,Barney:  Oh!
36764,128,6,16,Nora: You will be avenged.
36765,128,6,16,At Lily's
36766,128,6,16,SCHWARZENEGGER (over TV): Come on! Come on! Kill me! I'm here! Kill me!
36767,128,6,16,"Lily: Baby, you're back."
36768,128,6,16,"Marshall: Happy Valentine's Day, Lily Pad. Oh."
36769,128,6,16,"(Lily is sitting on the couch, talking to her Marshpillow)"
36770,128,6,16,Lily: We both knew this would end eventually.
36771,129,6,17,"Hong Kong, 2021..."
36772,129,6,17,"Ted from 2030: Kids, sometimes wonderful things come out of horrible situations. Like, remember that trip I took to Hong Kong where I got stuck in the airport? Well, a funny thing happened that day."
36773,129,6,17,"Ted: Yes, I realize it's raining, but, come on, it's 2021. We can make cell phones that project holograms, but a light drizzle shuts down a whole airport?"
36774,129,6,17,"Wendy: Hey, Ted."
36775,129,6,17,Ted: Hey... There she is. Wow.
36776,129,6,17,Wendy: Wendy the Waitress.
36777,129,6,17,Ted: Wendy the Waitress! I was just saying-- what are you doing here?
36778,129,6,17,"Ted from 2030: What was she doing there? For that, we have to back up about ten years."
36779,129,6,17,2011
36780,129,6,17,The Bar
36781,129,6,17,"Robin: So, Barney, I hear you and Nora had a fun time at laser tag."
36782,129,6,17,Barney: I don't know where you heard that. It was a disaster.
36783,129,6,17,Robin: Not according to her.
36784,129,6,17,[FLASHBACK]
36785,129,6,17,"Nora: Oh, my God, this was so much fun. We have to do this again. We do, we have to."
36786,129,6,17,Barney: You want to grab a drink right now?
36787,129,6,17,"Nora: No, I'm kind of tired. But... this is my number. Give me a call."
36788,129,6,17,Barney: Absolutely.
36789,129,6,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36790,129,6,17,Robin: How is that a disaster?
36791,129,6,17,"Barney: She didn't want to get drinks. And as soon as a girl says she doesn't want to get drinks, well..."
36792,129,6,17,[FLASHBACK]
36793,129,6,17,Barney: You want to grab a drink right now?
36794,129,6,17,"Nora: No, I'm kind of tired."
36795,129,6,17,Barney: Absolutely.
36796,129,6,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36797,129,6,17,"Barney: It's a shame, too. She was a really great laser tag partner. She's tiny, so she's allowed to push kids."
36798,129,6,17,"Robin: Please, Cheese. You like this girl."
36799,129,6,17,"Barney: What? Nora? No, I don't."
36800,129,6,17,"Robin: Barney, you can't say her name without smiling."
36801,129,6,17,"Barney: That's... Nora. Sorry, sorry. I was thinking of a funny thing that Nora said. Hmm. Stop it. No... ra. Nah... Damn it, what is the matter with me?"
36802,129,6,17,Robin: You like her. You should call her.
36803,129,6,17,"Barney: Call her? she had a nice face, her booty was in place, but Barney don't chase."
36804,129,6,17,"Robin: That is ridiculous. Barney, you know what, here's some advice."
36805,129,6,17,Barney: Totally.
36806,129,6,17,[OPENING CREDITS]
36807,129,6,17,"Ted from 2030: Kids, I had just started dating Zoey. And when you first start dating someone, everyone wants to know the same thing. How did we meet?"
36808,129,6,17,"Woman: Oh, Ted, she doesn't want..."
36809,129,6,17,"Ted: No, it's a cute story. Once upon a time..."
36810,129,6,17,[FLASHBACK]
36811,129,6,17,"Ted: Zoey was married to this super rich, super creepy guy called The Captain. So when Zoey and I became friends, I was careful not to cross any lines."
36812,129,6,17,"Zoey: Oh, man, this movie is scary."
36813,129,6,17,"Ted: I know, right? But then one day, Zoey and The Captain had a huge fight. He flipped out and demanded a divorce. And she was heartbroken. But after a little soul-searching, she ended up back in my and the rest, as they say, is history."
36814,129,6,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36815,129,6,17,"Woman: Actually, I said, ""How's your meat?"""
36816,129,6,17,Ted: Oh. A little cold.
36817,129,6,17,"Woman: Gee, wonder why."
36818,129,6,17,"Zoey: Oh, Ted, did you have a chance to pick up that box I left at my old apartment?"
36819,129,6,17,"Ted: Oh. Yeah, I don't want to see The Captain. I mean this in a super manly way. That guy scares the panties off me."
36820,129,6,17,Zoey: You don't have to see him. He left the box with the doorman.
36821,129,6,17,"Ted: If it's really important to you, I will pick it up tomorrow."
36822,129,6,17,"Marshall: All right, guys, I have to go. I have a big meaningless stack of paperwork that I have to get off my desk to make room for tomorrow's big meaningless stack of paperwork. But it's all worth it, you know, 'cause at least I know I'm making the world a... place. All right, see you guys later."
36823,129,6,17,Ted: I'm worried about Marshall. He doesn't seem like himself lately.
36824,129,6,17,"Lily: Yeah, he's been really... quiet."
36825,129,6,17,"Robin: Well, that's just what Minnesota guys are like... strong, silent, you know, man's man."
36826,129,6,17,Barney: Like Prince.
36827,129,6,17,"Lily: No, it's more than that. It's like, all the stuff he used to love, he suddenly has no interest in anymore."
36828,129,6,17,Barney: Oh. Ha-wink
36829,129,6,17,Lily: Excuse me?
36830,129,6,17,"Barney: Lily, in my travels, I've developed a finely calibrated sense of how long it's been since... How do I not put this delicately?... a girl's been porked. And, boo, you've been pork-free so long, you're practically kosher."
36831,129,6,17,Lily: It's been a while.
36832,129,6,17,"Barney: Five weeks, three days by my estimation."
36833,129,6,17,Lily: You should work at a carnival.
36834,129,6,17,Barney: I tried. They're pretty strict with backgrounds.
36835,129,6,17,"Ted: Anyway, we should get going."
36836,129,6,17,"Lily: Yeah, I'll walk out with you guys."
36837,129,6,17,"Robin: Good night. Good night, guys."
36838,129,6,17,Barney: 18 weeks.
36839,129,6,17,"Robin: Damn it. Okay, yes, I am in a bit of a dry spell. But I just started a new job, and dating's been on the back burner, and..."
36840,129,6,17,"Barney: Shh. Child, listen. If you're really hurting for it, I'd be more than happy to throw you one."
36841,129,6,17,Robin: Throw me one? Yeah.
36842,129,6,17,Barney: We're exes. We're probably due for a backslide. Or we could just do it the normal way.
36843,129,6,17,"Robin: Oh, I see what's going on."
36844,129,6,17,Barney: Yeah?
36845,129,6,17,"Robin: This is about Nora. You met a girl, you liked her, but then you missed your shot. And now you're trying to hook up with your ex-girlfriend to prove to yourself that you don't care."
36846,129,6,17,"Barney: Robin, you could not be more... What do you mean I missed my shot?"
36847,129,6,17,Robin: Nora met a guy. What?!
36848,129,6,17,Barney: What?
36849,129,6,17,Robin: Yep. Off the market. He's taking her to Cafe L'Amour this Friday night.
36850,129,6,17,"Barney: But ""L'Amour"" means love! They're going to the cafe of love! I'm fine. It's fine. Point is, Robin, I don't even like Nora. Damn it!"
36851,129,6,17,Lily's and Marshall's appartment
36852,129,6,17,"Lily: Oh, baby, why aren't you in bed?"
36853,129,6,17,Marshall: I can't sleep.
36854,129,6,17,Lily: Mmm. Anything I can do to help you with that?
36855,129,6,17,Marshall: Maybe after this documentary on garbage.
36856,129,6,17,"Lily: Man, I am losing my touch."
36857,129,6,17,"Tv: Nearly twice the size of Texas, the Gweat Pacific Garbage Patch, or ""Garbage Island,"" is an enviwonmental disaster. Sepawated from its pawents, this young bird stwuggles to survive, stwangling itself in the plastic wings of a six-pack. Marshall Eriksen, I think you know what you have to do."
36858,129,6,17,Marshall: I have to save the planet!
36859,129,6,17,Lily: Is it over? I call on top.
36860,129,6,17,The Captain's Building
36861,129,6,17,"Ted from 2030: A few days later, I headed over to The Captain's building to get Zoey's box."
36862,129,6,17,Ted: I'm here to...
36863,129,6,17,Captain: Ted. What a surprise. Ted.
36864,129,6,17,Ted: Captain. I...
36865,129,6,17,Captain:You've come to rescue me from the capsized wreckage of my marriage. Mm... I hesitated calling you because I know you and Zoey were friendly.
36866,129,6,17,"Ted: Pssh, nah..."
36867,129,6,17,"Captain:But my wife has left me. All my friends have abandoned me. Please, tell me you're on my side. Let's adjourn to the study."
36868,129,6,17,The Bar
36869,129,6,17,Marshall: Garbage Island. You haven't heard of Garbage Island? It's an island... made of garbage! It's in the Pacific Ocean. It's twice the size of Texas!
36870,129,6,17,"Robin: In other words, one-eighth the size of Canada. So..."
36871,129,6,17,"Marshall: Guys, I'm going environmental, okay? Phase one: the bar. I've already convinced MacLaren's to implement a new green initiative."
36872,129,6,17,Wendy: That's 'cause of you? I got to carry an 80-pound bag of bottles to the recycling center every night. I threw my back out.
36873,129,6,17,Marshall: You're welcome... Earth. Phase two: GNB. Tomorrow I'm going to make a presentation in front of the board about how we can cut our carbon footprint by half for only $12 million.
36874,129,6,17,"Barney: Dude, don't do that. All they're going to hear is ""$12 million,"" and all you're going to hear is the sound of the door smacking your fired ass. And some muffled laughter. Which I apologize for in advance."
36875,129,6,17,"Ted: Guys, I got a problem. I ran into The Captain."
36876,129,6,17,[FLASHBACK]
36877,129,6,17,"Captain:Ted, beneath this lustrous mane,I wear the horns of a cuckold. Zoey left me for another man."
36878,129,6,17,Ted: Wow.
36879,129,6,17,Captain:Do you have any idea who it could be?
36880,129,6,17,Ted from 2030: The Captain then told a story much different than the one I'd been telling. But one maybe just as true.
36881,129,6,17,"Captain: Once upon a time, Zoey and I were happy. Blissful as Arcadian shepherds. I was Poseidon, she my Amphitrite. I dare say, Scylla and Charybdis could not have torn us asunder. We had great big boners for each other. But then... enter the scoundrel. I don't know what he looks like, but I picture him with a mustache."
36882,129,6,17,Ted: Yes! Limit the search to guys with mustaches. Smart.
36883,129,6,17,"Captain: Anyway, soon the inevitable happened. She told me she was in love with someone else. Obviously, it made me angry."
36884,129,6,17,Ted: And that's the last time you saw her.
36885,129,6,17,"Captain: But I gathered my composure, and told her I'd do anything to keep her. I begged her not to leave. We made love that night."
36886,129,6,17,Ted: That's damn good brandy.
36887,129,6,17,"Captain: But morning came, and she was gone."
36888,129,6,17,"Ted: Oh, Captain... don't blame yourself."
36889,129,6,17,Captain: I don't blame myself. Hmm? There's only one man I blame for this.
36890,129,6,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36891,129,6,17,Ted: Me. I'm the bad guy.
36892,129,6,17,"Robin: Well, maybe to him you are, but in the story of picking up the box for Zoey, you're the hero."
36893,129,6,17,Ted: Damn it! The box!
36894,129,6,17,
36895,129,6,17,Lily's and Marsall's appartment
36896,129,6,17,"Marshall: Baby, baby, I really got to work on this presentation."
36897,129,6,17,"Lily: Oh, that's too bad, 'cause I was going to make a little presentation of my own."
36898,129,6,17,"Marshall: Okay, why not: from now until tomorrow afternoon, I do this, and then tomorrow night, I do that."
36899,129,6,17,"Lily: Deal. Come on, come on."
36900,129,6,17,Marshall: Lily!
36901,129,6,17,The Bar
36902,129,6,17,"Barney: You lying little minx. I happened to be at Cafe L'Amour tonight from 5:00 p.m. until closing, reading a newspaper with two holes cut out of it, and I never saw Nora or this Italian race car driver she's dating."
36903,129,6,17,Robin: Sorry. Who said anything about an...?
36904,129,6,17,"Barney: Come on, you just know he's an Italian race car driver."
36905,129,6,17,"Robin: No, he's not. He doesn't exist. I made the whole thing up to see if you like her. And you do. So you should just call her. Here is her number. And I also programmed it into your phone while you were in the bathroom. Wow. That was a joke. You just got here, remember? You really are smitten."
36906,129,6,17,"Barney: No, I'm not. I'm Barney Stinson. I don't get smitten, I smite!"
36907,129,6,17,"Robin: You are totally smitten, but you're scared of being in a relationship."
36908,129,6,17,"Barney: No, I'm not. I can't be anyone's boyfriend, Robin. If I got serious with Nora, it would be like if Mother Teresa focused all her attention on one really hot orphan. With great pen1s comes great responsibility."
36909,129,6,17,"Robin: Okay, Mother Teresa, throw me one."
36910,129,6,17,Barney: Sorry?
36911,129,6,17,"Robin: I would like it if you threw me one. Fastball, right down the middle. Actually, if I recall correctly, a slight curve."
36912,129,6,17,"Barney: Careful, Robin, I'll do it."
36913,129,6,17,"Robin: Oh, I don't think you will. Hmm. Because you don't want to screw things up with Nora. Hey, prove me wrong. Tomorrow night, my place."
36914,129,6,17,"Barney: Don't poke the dragon, Robin, 'cause the dragon will poke you back."
36915,129,6,17,Lily's and Marshall's appartment
36916,129,6,17,"Lily: s*x now, we'll do the foreplay after."
36917,129,6,17,"Marshall: Oh, no, baby, come on. Today didn't go so well."
36918,129,6,17,[FLASHBACK]
36919,129,6,17,"Marshall: The green initiative, for only $12 million, will change the way..."
36920,129,6,17,"Arthur: Okay, I've heard enough. Don't we already have a green initiative? I mean, didn't we do a whole thing? Hang a banner, make a video, Sting was there. I thought I met Sting."
36921,129,6,17,Man: You did meet Sting.
36922,129,6,17,"Arthur: Yeah, I met Sting. So why on Earth would we spend another $12 million?"
36923,129,6,17,"Marshall: Well, because we can always do more."
36924,129,6,17,"Arthur: Yeah, but I met Sting."
36925,129,6,17,"Marshall: Well, meeting Sting isn't gonna fix anything, Arthur!"
36926,129,6,17,Arthur: Who here supports Eriksen's proposal?
36927,129,6,17,"Meeker: Well, he has some good points."
36928,129,6,17,"Arthur: Meeker, you're fired! And as for you, Eriksen..."
36929,129,6,17,Man: His father just died.
36930,129,6,17,Arthur:...nice presentation. We'll keep it under advisement.
36931,129,6,17,[END OF FLASHBACK]
36932,129,6,17,Marshall: Meeker got fired because of me. I'm the bad guy.
36933,129,6,17,"Lily: No, sweetie, just-just put all that out of your mind and relax. Look, I got you a six-pack of tall boys from the deli."
36934,129,6,17,"Marshall: Hey, baby."
36935,129,6,17,Lily: Yeah?
36936,129,6,17,Marshall: What happened to the plastic rings that held the six-pack together?
36937,129,6,17,"Lily: Oh, I-I don't know. I threw them down the garbage chute. Let's just use the handcuffs instead."
36938,129,6,17,"Marshall: Baby, birds can get caught in those and then they dwown in a sea of wubbish! Weren't you listening? Don't you care about Garbage Island?"
36939,129,6,17,"Lily: Marshall, right now, I don't give a wat's ass about Garbage Island."
36940,129,6,17,"Marshall: Well, I do. I got to find those rings!"
36941,129,6,17,Lily: Cwap.
36942,129,6,17,The Captain's Building
36943,129,6,17,"Ted: Hi, I'm here to pick up..."
36944,129,6,17,"Captain: Hello, Ted."
36945,129,6,17,Ted: To the study?
36946,129,6,17,Captain: To the study! Mmm. Ted... I know.
36947,129,6,17,Ted: Know what?
36948,129,6,17,"Captain: I know who stole my Zoey. No man likes to be betrayed, especially by a friend. You can imagine then how painful it was when I learned that the name of my betrayer is... Ted... when I tell you who it is, you're gonna... It's my doorman!"
36949,129,6,17,Ted: That son of a bitch! You think Zoey's sleeping with the doorman?
36950,129,6,17,"Captain: He always winks and tips his hat when he sees her. I know how these things work. He holds her package, and pretty soon, she's holding his. And then there's his glorious mustache. I will have him fired for this!"
36951,129,6,17,"Ted: No, no, no, you can't fire him."
36952,129,6,17,Captain: You're right. Maritime protocol demands physical retribution!
36953,129,6,17,"Ted: Oh, my God! No, no! No physical retribution! Stop!"
36954,129,6,17,"Captain: Who is this flower child, and what has he done with my lionhearted friend Ted Mosby?!"
36955,129,6,17,"Ted: Look, look, yes, yes, the doorman is a scoundrel. The mustache alone gives that away. He's a rake, a rogue, a rapscallion!"
36956,129,6,17,"Captain: Whoa, ""rapscallion"" may be going a bit far, Ted."
36957,129,6,17,"Ted: But it's not his fault, okay? It's nobody's fault. You and Zoey have nothing in common. For God's sake, Captain, she hates boats! You're just not right for each other. Look, I know it's tough to face, but I'm sure a small part of you has always known that."
36958,129,6,17,"Captain: Why couldn't she just like boats? Just to have one thing in common? Other girls like boats, don't they?"
36959,129,6,17,Ted: Of course they do. And you'll find one. And you'll be much happier with her than you ever were with Zoey.
36960,129,6,17,"Captain: When you put it that way, I should almost thank the doorman."
36961,129,6,17,"Ted: Yeah, yeah! And, you know, since, since it doesn't really matter who Zoey's dating now..."
36962,129,6,17,"Captain: It doesn't, it really doesn't. It doesn't."
36963,129,6,17,Ted: It's me. You're welcome.
36964,129,6,17,"(Ted rapidly leaves, taking Zoey's box on the way)"
36965,129,6,17,In the trash bin
36966,129,6,17,"Lily: Okay, baby, what gives?"
36967,129,6,17,"Marshall: I'm sorry, but neither of us are getting any action until I find those rings."
36968,129,6,17,Lily: I hope this doesn't make me look desperate.
36969,129,6,17,Ted's appartment
36970,129,6,17,"Barney: All right, Robin, give it to me."
36971,129,6,17,"Robin: Damn it, Barney, you failed my test! You know, I- I try to root for you. Even as your ex-girlfriend, when you meet someone, I'm like, ""Yeah, Barney, go get her!"" But you know what? Just forget it. You're never gonna change. I'm done trying to help you."
36972,129,6,17,"Barney: The number. Give me the number, 'cause I really can't tell... Is that a seven or a nine?"
36973,129,6,17,"Robin: It's a five, idiot."
36974,129,6,17,Barney: A fi...? In what moon man language is that a five?
36975,129,6,17,"Robin: ""Moon man language""? What does that even mean?"
36976,129,6,17,Barney: How am I supposed to see that's a five?
36977,129,6,17,Robin: Look how you taped this up...
36978,129,6,17,"Barney: Fine, fine, fine. I have a phone call to make."
36979,129,6,17,Robin: Barney. Go get her.
36980,129,6,17,The Bar
36981,129,6,17,"Ted: Listen, Zoey, I need to ask you something. Did I steal you?"
36982,129,6,17,"Zoey: Well... yeah. You did. By being the kind of sweet, thoughtful guy who'd never even think of stealing someone, you stole me."
36983,129,6,17,Ted: So I'm the bad guy. Great.
36984,129,6,17,"Zoey: Well, the story isn't over, Ted. It'll be years before we know who's the good guy and who's the bad guy. I mean, yes, divorce sucks, but sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things."
36985,129,6,17,Ted: If you say so.
36986,129,6,17,"Zoey: I'm just saying, the eggs are already broken. Let's make sure we get a pretty good omelet out of it."
36987,129,6,17,In the trash bin
36988,129,6,17,"Lily: Okay, Marshall, seriously, what's going on?"
36989,129,6,17,Marshall: He'll never get to see how I turn out.
36990,129,6,17,Lily: What do you mean?
36991,129,6,17,"Marshall: My dad. You know, I used to, um, I used to always tell him that I was gonna be an environmental lawyer. And he was always so proud of me for that. But he never got to see the version of me that was anything but a corporate stooge. And now it's too late. And we're starting a family, you know."
36992,129,6,17,Lily: Are you avoiding sleeping with me 'cause you don't want to start a family?
36993,129,6,17,"Marshall: Lily, if we have a baby right now, that is just it for me. The cement will dry, and I will be stuck at GNB forever."
36994,129,6,17,"Lily: Marshall, if you want to quit your job and go work for the NRDC right now, then you need to do that right now. And then, once you've cleaned up all the oceans and saved the planet... you know, like, a year from now... then we'll start a family."
36995,129,6,17,"Marshall: I don't know. So far, in the name of saving the planet, I've ruined your night, I practically broke Wendy's back and I got Meeker fired. The guy must hate me."
36996,129,6,17,Lily: Meeker doesn't hate you.
36997,129,6,17,"Ted from 2030: Oh, Meeker hated him, all right. After all, Marshall was the one who got him fired. Meeker knew we all hung out at MacLaren's. So that night, he went there to confront Marshall. But as luck would have it..."
36998,129,6,17,Outsidethe Bar
36999,129,6,17,Meeker: Are you guys...?
37000,129,6,17,Wendy: Closed. Sorry. Thanks.
37001,129,6,17,Meeker: Rough night?
37002,129,6,17,Wendy: Yeah.
37003,129,6,17,Meeker: I'm sorry.
37004,129,6,17,Wendy: It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. Except for Marshall Eriksen.
37005,129,6,17,Meeker: What did you just say?
37006,129,6,17,"Wendy: Uh, I said it's Marshall Eriksen's fault. Why, do you know him?"
37007,129,6,17,Meeker: Know him? I hate that guy.
37008,129,6,17,"Wendy: Me, too."
37009,129,6,17,"Meeker: Well, hey."
37010,129,6,17,"Ted from 2030: And the rest, as they say...is history."
37011,129,6,17,In 2021
37012,129,6,17,"Wendy: And three kids later, we decided to come here on our second honeymoon."
37013,129,6,17,Ted: Wow. That's a pretty good omelet.
37014,129,6,17,"Wendy: Oh, and hey, what about you? You still with Zoey?"
37015,129,6,17,"Ted: No, no, no. Wow, that did not end well. But it's all for the best, 'cause now I'm married to an amazing girl, we have two kids. It's actually a funny story of how we met. I was a best man at this wedding..."
37016,129,6,17,"Wendy: Listen, Ted, it's great seeing you, but we got to run."
37017,129,6,17,"Ted: Okay, well, have a safe trip. It was great seeing you. (Ted phones Marshall) Hello. Marshall."
37018,129,6,17,"Marshall: Hey, Ted."
37019,129,6,17,Ted: Hey. You will not believe who I just ran into.
37020,130,6,18,"Ted from 2030: Kids, the heart is a mysterious muscle. You never really know what's going on in there. So after Uncle Marshall lost his father, he decided to get his heart checked. And so did I... and so did Lily... and so did Robin. And then Marshall went again, just to be sure. There was only one holdout."
37021,130,6,18,The Bar
37022,130,6,18,"Barney: I don't need to go to a heart doctor. I drink every day, I sleep three hours every night, and I have multiple s*x partners. I'm doing everything right."
37023,130,6,18,"Ted: Barney, come on, this is important. We need you around for a long time. Without you, we'd have to find some other sex-fueled, depraved animal to entertain us."
37024,130,6,18,"Robin:  Actually, I'm thinking about getting a dog again."
37025,130,6,18,"Lily: Oh, can she? Can she get a dog, please Dad?"
37026,130,6,18,"Ted: No. If you get a dog, I'm going to be the one stuck taking care of it."
37027,130,6,18,Robin:  You wouldn't have to take care of it.
37028,130,6,18,Ted: Really? And who watered the philodendron on your bookcase and sang it back to life?
37029,130,6,18,"Robin:  Yeah, that was made out of silk, Ted."
37030,130,6,18,"Marshall: Okay, Robin, what you need is indeed something that buries a bone, but I'm not talking about a dog. I'm talking about a man."
37031,130,6,18,Robin:  Here we go.
37032,130,6,18,"Marshall: You're clearly trying to fill a hole... in her heart. You feel like the seventh wheel, because now Ted is with Zoey and Barney's with Nora and Lily's with Big Fudge."
37033,130,6,18,"Barney: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Big Fudge. ""With""? I am not ""with"" Nora. Wrong preposition. Later tonight I'm hoping to be on Nora, right? Or under Nora, right? Or, we're all adults, I'll just say it... behind Nora."
37034,130,6,18,Robin:  I don't know. This will be your second date.
37035,130,6,18,"Lily: Oh, Barney's got feeling for a girl."
37036,130,6,18,"Barney: Yeah. pen1s feelings. Because she's hot. Guys, as you know, I only have one rule..."
37037,130,6,18,Ted from 2030: Barney said this a lot.
37038,130,6,18,[FLASHBACK]
37039,130,6,18,"Barney: If you're gonna get it on in a Port-O-Potty, do it early in the day [...] Never screw over a girl whose last name ends in a vowel. 'Cause she's got brothers [...] Never date a girl with a hook for a hand [...]"
37040,130,6,18,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37041,130,6,18,Barney: Never go out with the same girl more than once.
37042,130,6,18,Lily: Then why are you going out with Nora again?
37043,130,6,18,Barney: There is an exception.
37044,130,6,18,Ted from 2030: And it was always the same exception.
37045,130,6,18,[FLASHBACK]
37046,130,6,18,Barney:...unless she's hot [...]...unless she's hot [...]...unless she's hot.
37047,130,6,18,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37048,130,6,18,"Barney: And she is indeed hot. Which is why nothing, not even God himself... yeah, I said it, Beardy... is going to stand in the way of tonight being legend... Wait for it. (He sneezes)"
37049,130,6,18,[OPENING CREDITS]
37050,130,6,18,"Barney: Hey, Nora, sorry I'm late. I'm just, uh, just getting over a cold."
37051,130,6,18,"Nora: Oh, no. How long have you been sick?"
37052,130,6,18,Barney: About 20 minutes. Can't seem to shake it.
37053,130,6,18,"Nora: Okay, 'cause I was going to say you look a little..."
37054,130,6,18,Barney: Handsome? Rich? Well-endowed?
37055,130,6,18,"Nora: Huh, let's say well-endowed... with phlegm. All right, let's go. It's bedtime."
37056,130,6,18,Barney: The bed... that's where all the...happens.
37057,130,6,18,"Nora: Come on, let's get you sorted out."
37058,130,6,18,"Ted from 2030: That night, Barney didn't take care of business. Instead, Nora took care of Barney."
37059,130,6,18,Barney's appartment
37060,130,6,18,Barney: Ah. Thank you.
37061,130,6,18,"Nora: Good night, Barney."
37062,130,6,18,"Barney: Good night, Mommy."
37063,130,6,18,Ted's appartment
37064,130,6,18,"Lily: Wow, she nursed you back to health?"
37065,130,6,18,Barney: No. I didn't even see her boobs. She just took care of me.
37066,130,6,18,"Robin:  Oh, hey, guys. This is Nate. Nate, these are my friends."
37067,130,6,18,"Nate: What's up. guys? Nate Scooberman. But everyone calls me Scooby. I'd love to hang out, but I really gotta hit the john."
37068,130,6,18,"Ted: Uh, yeah, it's right in here... Scooby."
37069,130,6,18,"Nate: Thanks, brah. I like you guys."
37070,130,6,18,"Marshall: Oh, Robin, if you weren't so much stronger than me, I would slap you."
37071,130,6,18,Robin:  What? You told me to meet someone.
37072,130,6,18,"Marshall: I know, and, look, he seems plenty nice, but I didn't mean bring home the first guy you bump into on the street."
37073,130,6,18,"Robin:  Actually, I met him in the park."
37074,130,6,18,Ted: Should have just let you get a dog.
37075,130,6,18,"Barney: Oh, oh, I should go. Lily, can I talk to you for a second? So, um, I made an appointment with that cardiologist."
37076,130,6,18,"Lily: Aw, and you want me to go with you 'cause you're a little scared?"
37077,130,6,18,Barney: No.
37078,130,6,18,Lily: Do you want me to go with you because you're a lot scared?
37079,130,6,18,Barney: Yes!
37080,130,6,18,"Lily: Okay, fine. On one condition. You have to promise me you won't lie to Nora. She seems like something special."
37081,130,6,18,"Barney: Okay, I promise I won't lie to her. I may, however, lie on her. I said, bang-bang, bangity-bang.* Bang-bang-bang, bangity-bang *"
37082,130,6,18,At the cardiologist
37083,130,6,18,"Barney: * Bang, bang, bangity bang... *"
37084,130,6,18,The cardiologist: Are we done?
37085,130,6,18,"Barney: * A bang-bang, bangity-bang. *"
37086,130,6,18,"The cardiologist: Well, Barney, your heart sounds fine."
37087,130,6,18,"Barney: See, Lily? She was worried."
37088,130,6,18,The cardiologist: Although it seems like you might have a slight arrhythmia.
37089,130,6,18,"Lily: Ow! Nails, nails!"
37090,130,6,18,"The cardiologist: It's probably nothing to worry about, but I'd like you to wear this heart monitor for the next 24 hours."
37091,130,6,18,"Barney: Twen... Flag on the play, Doc. I have a date tonight."
37092,130,6,18,The cardiologist: Don't worry. It's totally safe. Unless part of your big date involves connecting yourself to a car battery.
37093,130,6,18,"Barney: Well, now it doesn't."
37094,130,6,18,"Ted from 2030: And exactly 24 hours later, they returned for the results."
37095,130,6,18,24 hours later...
37096,130,6,18,"The cardiologist: Okay, everything looks fine here, although I did notice a few irregularities. There's nothing to be...alarmed about."
37097,130,6,18,"Barney: Go on, Doctor."
37098,130,6,18,The cardiologist: What happened at 8:46 p.m. last night?
37099,130,6,18,"Barney: Well, let's see... uh, Wheel of Fortune, naked push-ups, naked chin-ups... I was at dinner."
37100,130,6,18,[FLASHBACK]
37101,130,6,18,"Nora: This might be a little forward, but do you have a bomb strapped to your chest?"
37102,130,6,18,"Barney: This? No, no. It's a heart monitor. It's a medical thing."
37103,130,6,18,"Nora: Oh, I'm so sorry. I've been trying not to stare at your chest all night."
37104,130,6,18,Barney: What's that like?
37105,130,6,18,Nora: So is everything okay?
37106,130,6,18,"Barney: My friend's dad passed away from a sudden heart attack. So I'm just getting myself checked out, too."
37107,130,6,18,"Nora: Oh, I am so sorry."
37108,130,6,18,Barney: Thanks.
37109,130,6,18,"Nora: Um, Barney, what I'm about to say is going to sound a little weird, but I think I'm starting to like you, so I have to say it."
37110,130,6,18,"Barney: Well, for what it's worth, I'm not easily shocked. Unless you dump water on me, 'cause I'll just... No. What is it?"
37111,130,6,18,"Nora: I want to get married. I mean, not tonight, or even to you, necessarily. But that's what I want. And if that's going to scare you off, then I'd rather it scare you off now. I want a family, and I want to live in a little house with a garden and a tree for the kids to climb. And I want to go to sleep every night with the same person by my side, and wake up next to him in the morning every morning for the rest of our lives. Just thought you should know that."
37112,130,6,18,Lily: You have to promise me you won't lie to Nora!
37113,130,6,18,"Barney: That's exactly what I want, too."
37114,130,6,18,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37115,130,6,18,Lily slaps Barney
37116,130,6,18,The Bar
37117,130,6,18,"Nate: I'm really into gardening, but these squirrels keep messing with my tomatoes. Every time I see them in the backyard, I'm like, ""get out of here!"" And they run off, but sure enough, a few minutes later, there they are again. And I'm like, ""get out of here!"" So annoying. I smell food. Does this place have a kitchen? I'll be right back."
37118,130,6,18,(He walks away)
37119,130,6,18,"Robin:  Okay, but you have to admit that he is a lot of fun."
37120,130,6,18,"Marshall: Oh, I actually think he's quite intelligent for what he is."
37121,130,6,18,Robin:  And what is he?
37122,130,6,18,Marshall: He's a dog.
37123,130,6,18,Ted: He's totally a dog.
37124,130,6,18,Robin:  What? You saw him hitting on someone?
37125,130,6,18,"Marshall: No, I didn't say, ""He a dawg."" I said, ""He's a dog."" As in, a dog. I think we've all noticed a few curious mannerisms. Or rather, doggerisms."
37126,130,6,18,[FLASHBACK]
37127,130,6,18,"Ted: Uh, Scooby, the tag's still on your jeans."
37128,130,6,18,Nate: Where?
37129,130,6,18,"Marshall: Okay, Scooby, you ready?"
37130,130,6,18,Ted: Good boy!
37131,130,6,18,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37132,130,6,18,Robin:  That last one did not happen.
37133,130,6,18,"Marshall: Okay, you're right. He dropped it."
37134,130,6,18,Robin:  He's not a dog.
37135,130,6,18,"Ted: Robin, it's fine. You said you wanted a dog and you got one. And the best part is, he got his shots."
37136,130,6,18,"Nate: Hey, guys, got my shots."
37137,130,6,18,Marshall: You are so playful.
37138,130,6,18,Ted: Nice job fetching those.
37139,130,6,18,"Lily: Yeah, guys, cut it out. Scooby, sit."
37140,130,6,18,"Marshall: So, Scooby, we were thinking if you're going to be hanging out with our Robin, you should be properly vetted."
37141,130,6,18,"Ted: Uh, yeah. We hope our nosiness doesn't give you ""paws."""
37142,130,6,18,Lily: How did you meet?
37143,130,6,18,"Marshall: Tell us the ""tail"""
37144,130,6,18,"Ted:Yes, how did you ""whisker"" off her feet? Shed a little light on the matter."
37145,130,6,18,"Lily: Did you send her an e-mail, or did you ""collar""?"
37146,130,6,18,"Robin:  Guys, just stop hounding him. Oh, geez."
37147,130,6,18,"Marshall: No, no, you're right, Robin. We don't want your new guy to ""flea."""
37148,130,6,18,Lily: We're just trying to make sure he's not a heel.
37149,130,6,18,"Ted: So, moving from Canada, that transition must have been pretty ""ruff."""
37150,130,6,18,Nate: Sure was. My part of Canada's pretty different from New York.
37151,130,6,18,"Lily: Oh, I bet it was an ""Incredible Journey"""""
37152,130,6,18,Marshall: What part of Canada is that? Speak.
37153,130,6,18,Nate: Labrador.
37154,130,6,18,Lily: This isn't happening.
37155,130,6,18,"Robin:  Hey, Nate, why don't you go play some music on the jukebox."
37156,130,6,18,"Nate: No, I'm good."
37157,130,6,18,"Robin:  Oh, shoot, dropped my keys."
37158,130,6,18,Nate: I'll get 'em.
37159,130,6,18,
37160,130,6,18,"(Barney arrives, with Nora)"
37161,130,6,18,"Barney: Hey, guys, this is Nora."
37162,130,6,18,"Nora: We were just passing by, and I wanted to pop in for two reasons. First, I wanted to let you know that your friend Barney is being a perfect gentleman."
37163,130,6,18,"Robin:  Well, it's still early."
37164,130,6,18,"Nora: I'm being serious. I had no idea that deep down, he's such a romantic."
37165,130,6,18,Lily: I had no idea he had a deep down.
37166,130,6,18,"Nora: Oh, you should have heard him at dinner."
37167,130,6,18,[FLASHBACK]
37168,130,6,18,"Barney: I mean, I like being single, but secretly, I want to have kids."
37169,130,6,18,Nora: How many do you want?
37170,130,6,18,Barney: Three... one of each. You?
37171,130,6,18,Nora: Three. All in an old stone house.
37172,130,6,18,"Barney: Yeah, with ivy growing on it."
37173,130,6,18,Cocktails on the patio.
37174,130,6,18,Barney: And we must have a pool.
37175,130,6,18,"Nora: We? A pool sounds brilliant. Are you for real, Barney?"
37176,130,6,18,Barney: I really am.
37177,130,6,18,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37178,130,6,18,Robin: Unbelievable.
37179,130,6,18,"Nora: I know, right? And the second reason we popped in is 'cause I need to use the loo. But when I get back, I'm dying to hear all about Mr. Softy here."
37180,130,6,18,"Barney: I assure you, that's not a nickname that I..."
37181,130,6,18,(Lily hits Barney's stomach really hard)
37182,130,6,18,The cardiologist: And that explains your 14-second cardiac arrest.
37183,130,6,18,"Lily: Barney, you promised you wouldn't lie."
37184,130,6,18,"Barney: I'm not lying! Guys, Nora's really special. In fact... I think I'm... falling in love with her. Guys! I'm serious."
37185,130,6,18,"Lily: I'm not going to let you do this. When Nora gets back here, I'm blowing the whistle."
37186,130,6,18,"Marshall: Just make sure it's not a high-frequency whistle, because we don't want to torture Robin's boyfriend."
37187,130,6,18,"Barney: Guys, this is real. And if you don't make me look good in front of Nora, just remember: I've got dirt on each of you, and I am not afraid to spill it."
37188,130,6,18,"Lily: Barney, you can't blackmail us into lying to Nora."
37189,130,6,18,"Barney: Really, Lily? Even if I were to mention, oh, I don't know... your kindergarten class's pet guinea pig?"
37190,130,6,18,"Lily: Mr. Buttons? Oh, you son of a bitch. Fine. I'll be nice."
37191,130,6,18,Barney: Marshall?
37192,130,6,18,Marshall: You got nothing on me.
37193,130,6,18,Barney: The calzone?
37194,130,6,18,Marshall: Checkmate.
37195,130,6,18,Barney: Robin.
37196,130,6,18,"Robin:  Don't say the Mr. T dream, don't say the Mr. T dream, don't say the Mr. T dream..."
37197,130,6,18,Barney: The Mr. T dream...
37198,130,6,18,Robin: I'm lost.
37199,130,6,18,Barney: Ted?
37200,130,6,18,Ted: Go ahead. Give me your best. My life's an open book.
37201,130,6,18,Barney: The ballet class.
37202,130,6,18,Ted: I once took a ballet class. Not ashamed.
37203,130,6,18,Barney: The 'N Sync concert.
37204,130,6,18,"Ted: 1998. Cleveland's Gund Arena, front row. Caught JC's shirt. What else you got?"
37205,130,6,18,"Barney: Okay, Ted. The thermos."
37206,130,6,18,Ted: I suppose it's possible Barney has real feelings for Nora.
37207,130,6,18,Barney: I do! So be cool!
37208,130,6,18,Nora: There's a man back there who seems fascinated by the records flipping in the jukebox.
37209,130,6,18,"Robin:  Sorry, toots. He's taken."
37210,130,6,18,Nora: So. How do you all know Barney?
37211,130,6,18,"Lily: Oh, I don't know how we know Barney. How does anyone know how they know anyone? I like your pretty hair, help me."
37212,130,6,18,"Marshall: We did not meet him at a strip club. No, sir. Because... Barney don't go to no strip clubs."
37213,130,6,18,"Nora: Oh, come on. Barney's been to a strip club once."
37214,130,6,18,Ted: Once?
37215,130,6,18,Barney: Thermos.
37216,130,6,18,Ted: Nope. Not even once.
37217,130,6,18,Nora: Really? So Barney really is a genuinely a nice guy.
37218,130,6,18,Lily: I don't recall.
37219,130,6,18,"Marshall: Okay, I think that we're done here, I think that we have adequately established that Barney is... the kind of guy that you would bring home to meet your parents. Okay? So... let's just drop it, all right?"
37220,130,6,18,"Nora: It's funny you should say that, because, as it happens, my parents are in town. They're only here like once a year. We're getting brunch tomorrow. Do you want to meet them?"
37221,130,6,18,Ted from 2030: This was a big deal for Barney.
37222,130,6,18,[FLASHBACK]
37223,130,6,18,"Barney: I only have one rule. Never, ever, ever meet a girl's parents."
37224,130,6,18,Ted: Not even if she's hot?
37225,130,6,18,Barney: Not even if her mom's hot.
37226,130,6,18,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37227,130,6,18,Barney: I'd love to meet your parents.
37228,130,6,18,"Nora: It's a date. Well, we should get going. Walk me home?"
37229,130,6,18,Nate: Walk? Somebody say walk? I'll go for a walk. I love a good walk.
37230,130,6,18,"Barney: No, Scooby, you, uh... stay!"
37231,130,6,18,"Robin:  Oh, no. I got called back in to work. Can you keep an eye on him until I get back? He's new to the city, and he doesn't really know anyone."
37232,130,6,18,"Ted: I knew it. I knew it. I knew if you got a dog, I'd wind up taking care of it."
37233,130,6,18,Robin:  He's not a... Good night.
37234,130,6,18,"Nate: What do we do now? Oh! I got an idea. I was in the park today, and this guy sold me a big bag of..."
37235,130,6,18,"Ted from 2030: Kids, it was a big bag of sandwiches."
37236,130,6,18,Marshall: Whoa. Put that away.
37237,130,6,18,Nate: You guys want to fire these up?
37238,130,6,18,"Lily: Scooby, we're in our 30s. We don't smoke sandwiches anymore."
37239,130,6,18,Ted: Sandwich brownies?
37240,130,6,18,Nate: Okay.
37241,130,6,18,Ted's apparrtment
37242,130,6,18,Marshall: Sandwiches make me hungry.
37243,130,6,18,Ted: Truth. Hey. I have a question.
37244,130,6,18,Marshall: Yeah?
37245,130,6,18,"Ted: What did Barney mean when he said ""calzone""?"
37246,130,6,18,"Marshall: Okay, I'll tell you. Okay. One time Barney saw me drop a calzone on the sidewalk, pick it up, and then keep eating it. It feels so good to finally say that out loud. I..."
37247,130,6,18,Ted: Dude. Listen to me. You have nothing to be ashamed of. That calzone sounds amazing.
37248,130,6,18,"Lily: Guys, I found this on the floor."
37249,130,6,18,"Ted: Oh, my God. Scooby ate the whole tray. Wait. Where is he, anyway?"
37250,130,6,18,(The entry door is open)
37251,130,6,18,Lily: Scooby got out!
37252,130,6,18,In front of Nora's
37253,130,6,18,Nora: Here we are. I had a really great time tonight.
37254,130,6,18,"Barney: Yeah, me, too."
37255,130,6,18,Nora: Do you want to come upstairs?
37256,130,6,18,"Barney: I'd love to. (He kisses her) There's just one little thing, and it probably doesn't matter, but... I don't want to get married. I've been saying that all night just to get in your pants."
37257,130,6,18,(Nora slaps him)
37258,130,6,18,(Lily slaps him again)
37259,130,6,18,Barney: Can you believe...
37260,130,6,18,(The cardiologist slaps him)
37261,130,6,18,"Lily: Oh, my God! I found Scooby's wallet."
37262,130,6,18,"Marshall: Oh, no! That means the poor guy's out there with no identification."
37263,130,6,18,"Ted, on the phone with Robin:Robin! Hey. Hey, um, remember Scooby? Uh, well, he got out."
37264,130,6,18,"Robin:  ""Got out""? What do you mean?"
37265,130,6,18,Ted: He just walked out of the apartment. Someone must've left the door open.
37266,130,6,18,Marshall: It wasn't me.
37267,130,6,18,Lily: Me neither. He must've figured out how to open it himself.
37268,130,6,18,Ted: He's so smart. We should get him on Letterman doing tricks.
37269,130,6,18,Marshall: I know Paul Schaffer's sandwich guy. This could happen.
37270,130,6,18,Robin:  Guys. Get yourselves together and start looking for Scooby. I'm on my way home.
37271,130,6,18,Ted: Wait wait! Robin. Can you pick up some calzones?
37272,130,6,18,"Barney: Wait... Nora, wait. Wait. I'm sorry I misled you."
37273,130,6,18,Nora: Misled? You lied to me! You had your friends lie to me!
37274,130,6,18,Barney: I was on the spot. This is your fault.
37275,130,6,18,Nora: My fault?
37276,130,6,18,"Barney: Yeah, with the whole ""I want to get married"" thing. You can't just tell someone exactly what you want out of a relationship. This... isn't England."
37277,130,6,18,"Nora: Good-bye, Barney."
37278,130,6,18,In the street
37279,130,6,18,Ted: Great idea.
37280,130,6,18,"Marshall: No, great idea!"
37281,130,6,18,"Lily: Okay. If you were new in town and had just ingested an eighth of sandwich, where would you go?"
37282,130,6,18,Marshall: Of course. Back to the pizza place!
37283,130,6,18,Ted: Yeah! Maybe that's where Scooby went.
37284,130,6,18,Marshall: Who's Scooby?
37285,130,6,18,"Robin:  Hey, have you seen Scooby?"
37286,130,6,18,"Barney: Uh, yeah. Isn't that him taking a leak on that fire hydrant?"
37287,130,6,18,Marshall: Scooby!
37288,130,6,18,"Nate: Oh, hey! It's my friends!"
37289,130,6,18,"The cardiologist: And that explains 12:51 a.m. Okay. None of this suggests a systemic issue. Your heart's fine. With a healthy diet, you can live a long and happy life. If nobody stabs you."
37290,130,6,18,Lily: Day's not over.
37291,130,6,18,"Barney: Okay. Lily, I'm sorry that I lied about wanting to settle down."
37292,130,6,18,"Lily: No, that wasn't the lie. The lie was when you told Nora you were lying. Because you weren't. You want that stuff, Barney, I know you do."
37293,130,6,18,"Barney: Okay. Maybe, eventually, I could settle down. 50 years from now, if I have like a Hefner thing going on with some really hot twins. But those twins won't even be born for another... 32 years. I mean... Nora's great. She's wonderful. But..."
37294,130,6,18,Lily: What time was your dinner reservation?
37295,130,6,18,Barney: Last night? 8:30.
37296,130,6,18,The cardiologist: What did his heart do at 8:30? It... literally skipped a beat.
37297,130,6,18,"Lily: Your heart's talking to you, Barney. Do you have the guts to listen to it."
37298,130,6,18,In a restaurant
37299,130,6,18,Barney: I lied.
37300,130,6,18,Nora: Barney.
37301,130,6,18,"Barney: When I said I lied, that was a lie, and I'm sorry."
37302,130,6,18,Nora: I'm confused.
37303,130,6,18,"Barney: So am I. This, all of this, this is totally new to me, but I know it's what I want. I want to be confused. With you."
37304,130,6,18,"Nora: Mom, Dad... this is Barney."
37305,130,6,18,"Barney: Hi. I'm Barney. Great to meet you. Hey, you want to see a magic trick?"
37306,130,6,18,"Barney is outside the restaurant where Nora is eating, he turns around."
37307,130,6,18,"In 2006, Marshall is walking in the street, and drops his calzone. He bends down, picks it up, then eats it while Barney is watching him."
37308,131,6,19,"Ted from 2030: Kids, I bought the house we live in now way back before I ever met your mother. It needed a lot of work, but I had a vision for it."
37309,131,6,19,Ted's house
37310,131,6,19,"Ted: Vintage rolltop desk here. I haven't decided whether to put the fern on the right or the left side, but you know, sometimes you just gotta wing it. Right? Left side. Oh, and right outside, I want to put up a basketball hoop for the kids."
37311,131,6,19,"Barney: Ted. This is your seduction lounge. s*x swing there, vibrating Jell-O pit right there, rotating Vietnamese Shame Wheel right here. Don't ask; you're not ready. And that basketball hoop? Outdoor stripper pole. We'll just tell the ladies to be careful in the winter. You think a tongue stuck to a frozen pole is bad..."
37312,131,6,19,"Marshall: Hey. Barney, let's go outside for a second."
37313,131,6,19,Lily:  We have a confession. This wasn't really about seeing Ted's house. It's an intervention.
37314,131,6,19,"Barney: Oh, thank God. I'll go first. Ted, this hous you bought for your hypothetical family is super weird. We talk about it all the time behind your back."
37315,131,6,19,Ted: Yeah. This intervention isn't for me. It's for you
37316,131,6,19,Ted from 2030: Why did Barney need an intervention? It all started a few nights earlier.
37317,131,6,19,A few nights earlier...
37318,131,6,19,Barney's appartment
37319,131,6,19,"Marshall: Barney, I can't believe your giant TV is broken. It's March Madness."
37320,131,6,19,"Ted: Okay, uh, I think I see what the problem is. Barney, can you grab me a screwdriver?"
37321,131,6,19,"Barney: Sure thing. Luis. Barney Stinson, 12 H. I got a hundred bucks if you can be here in five. Thanks."
37322,131,6,19,Lily:  You call the super for a screwdriver?
37323,131,6,19,"Barney: Yeah... here's the thing about me and tools... the only one I know how to use is attached to me, and I am not going to try putting it in the TV. Again."
37324,131,6,19,"Ted: Okay, that's ridiculous. Everyone should know how to use tools."
37325,131,6,19,(someone is knocking at the entry door)
37326,131,6,19,"Barney: Well, here's our screwdriver now. (Barney opens the door, then whispers loudly:) Guys, I'm pretty sure that's not Luis, but I can't be certain. Someone introduce yourself."
37327,131,6,19,"Jerry: Barney, I... I got your letter."
37328,131,6,19,Barney: Dad?
37329,131,6,19,[OPENING CREDITS]
37330,131,6,19,Ted's appartment
37331,131,6,19,Marshall: I can't believe Barney is talking to his dad right now.
37332,131,6,19,"Robin: Yeah, what do you say after three decades of not seeing each other?"
37333,131,6,19,"Lily:  ""So, how 'bout those last 30 Super Bowls""?"
37334,131,6,19,"Ted: Okay, now I feel bad about making fun of him for the tool thing. My dad was the one who taught me all that stuff."
37335,131,6,19,"Robin: Well, to be fair, everyone has some glaring gap in knowledge, something really obvious you somehow never learned."
37336,131,6,19,"Ted: Okay, but a screwdriver? Come on, I don't have any gaps that fundamental."
37337,131,6,19,Robin: Really? I seem to recall...
37338,131,6,19,[FLASHBACK]
37339,131,6,19,Ted: Daniel Burnham was an architect whose ever-shifting style and aesthetic made him a true architectural chamma-leeon. And only the most gifted chamma-leeon could've designed classic beaux arts masterpieces right alongside sleek modern flatirons. His name might as well have been Daniel Chamma-leeon.
37340,131,6,19,"Student: Um, Professor? Uh, do you mean ""chameleon""?"
37341,131,6,19,(laughs)
37342,131,6,19,"Ted: Betty, I'm pretty sure it's pronounced ""chamma-leeon,"" so... Class dismissed. No homework. For a while."
37343,131,6,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37344,131,6,19,"Ted: Okay, I learned that word by reading it. That's how I've always pronounced it."
37345,131,6,19,"Robin: Ted, that wasn't easy. It took a lot of ""ch-aracter"" to admit that."
37346,131,6,19,"Ted: Okay, Scherbatsky. You want to tussle? I'll tussle."
37347,131,6,19,Robin: You want to tussle? Let's tussle.
37348,131,6,19,Ted: Marine biologist.
37349,131,6,19,"Robin: Please, no."
37350,131,6,19,[FLASHBACK]
37351,131,6,19,"Scott: So this really sucks, but I'm going to be in the North Pole for the next three months."
37352,131,6,19,"Robin: Seriously? The North Pole? Okay, pal, if you want to break up with me, just tell it to me straight. Don't pretend you're going someplace we all know doesn't exist."
37353,131,6,19,"Scott: Um, I'm going to be studying the mating habits of..."
37354,131,6,19,"Robin: Of who? Santa's elves? Rudolph? You know what? I'm going on a trip, too, Scott. It, uh, starts in Narnia. It works its way up to Candyland, and then, hey, congratulate me, because I'm the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts. Expelliarmus!"
37355,131,6,19,"Scott: Robin, the North Pole is a real place. You know that, right?"
37356,131,6,19,Robin: So... you want to get pizza later? Or...
37357,131,6,19,Scott: I think we should break up.
37358,131,6,19,[END OF FLAHBACK]
37359,131,6,19,Robin: I still think about him in the shower.
37360,131,6,19,(Barney arrives)
37361,131,6,19,"Ted: Hey. Tell us everything. How'd it go, bud?"
37362,131,6,19,Barney: Where do I begin?
37363,131,6,19,[FLASHBACK]
37364,131,6,19,"Jerry (Barney's dad): So, I'm not sure how to start this."
37365,131,6,19,Barney: Yeah. I think I need a drink.
37366,131,6,19,"Jerry: Me, too."
37367,131,6,19,"Both: Glen McKenna, neat."
37368,131,6,19,Jerry: Nice order. Up top.
37369,131,6,19,"Barney: Look, it's been 30 years. And now you just show up out of nowhere? This is... this is going to take me a minute."
37370,131,6,19,"Jerry: Yeah. I understand. By the way, hell of a tie. Is that Italian silk?"
37371,131,6,19,"Barney: I love you, Daddy. I'm so glad we're best friends now."
37372,131,6,19,(Barney is sobbing)
37373,131,6,19,Barney: Make a muscle.
37374,131,6,19,Jerry: There you go.
37375,131,6,19,Barney: Ah!
37376,131,6,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37377,131,6,19,"Barney: Guys, my dad's awesome. He's the mother of all fathers. Check this out."
37378,131,6,19,[FLASHBACK]
37379,131,6,19,"Barney: Hey, back when I was a kid, you used to be a roadie. Do you still do that?"
37380,131,6,19,"Jerry: Not anymore. Back in '83 I'm lugging amps for The Stones through West Germany, and their tour manager loses his arms, bus-surfing through a tunnel. Gnarly. Long story short, I've been managing tours ever since, and that dude high-fives people with his face now."
37381,131,6,19,"Barney, laughing: You're funny. My dad's funny."
37382,131,6,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37383,131,6,19,"Barney: So, all these years, there's this one question I've been dying to ask him."
37384,131,6,19,Lily:  Why did you abandon me?
37385,131,6,19,Marshall: Why'd you wait so long to contact me?
37386,131,6,19,"Robin: You've hurt me before, why should I trust you now?"
37387,131,6,19,[FLASHBACK]
37388,131,6,19,Barney: Do you... get laid a lot?
37389,131,6,19,Jerry: Big-time. Observe.
37390,131,6,19,"Barney: Oh, my God, that took you five seconds."
37391,131,6,19,"Jerry: Oh, was it that long? Life's too short for chatty chicks."
37392,131,6,19,Barney: You're a master. You are legen... wait for it...
37393,131,6,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37394,131,6,19,"Barney:...daddy! Legendaddy! The man is a god. And he's still out there, living the dream."
37395,131,6,19,[FLASHBACK]
37396,131,6,19,Jerry: So I'm going to Sydney tomorrow with Bon Jovi. I'll be on the road the rest of the year.
37397,131,6,19,"Barney: Oh, that's cool."
37398,131,6,19,"Jerry: Say, you want to join me for the tour's Asian leg?"
37399,131,6,19,Barney: This is going to be the second-most fun I've ever had on an Asian leg. (both laughing)
37400,131,6,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37401,131,6,19,"Lily:  Barney, we... we know you're psyched, but just... be careful."
37402,131,6,19,Barney: What do you mean?
37403,131,6,19,"Ted: Well, this guy has flaked out on your whole life. It sounds like he just might be telling you what you want to hear."
37404,131,6,19,"Robin: Barney, we just don't want to see you get hurt."
37405,131,6,19,"Barney: First of all, Robin, my dad could beat up your dad. Second, you don't have to worry. He's cool. Now if you'll excuse me... I have to go renew my passport, and get a travel-sized rotating Vietnamese Shame Wheel. Don't ask; you're not ready."
37406,131,6,19,The Bar
37407,131,6,19,"Ted: I hope Barney's dad isn't just pretending to be something he's not, you know?"
37408,131,6,19,Lily:  Yeah. That would make Jerry a real chamma-leeon.
37409,131,6,19,"Ted: You have gaps, too, Lily."
37410,131,6,19,Lily:  You got nothing on me.
37411,131,6,19,(FLASHBACK]
37412,131,6,19,"Marshall: Hey, Lily, can you toss me a beer?"
37413,131,6,19,"Lily:  Sure, honey. (She throws the key toward the wall besides Marshall)"
37414,131,6,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37415,131,6,19,Ted: You have terrible aim.
37416,131,6,19,Lily:  That's not true.
37417,131,6,19,"Marshall: Lily, at our apartment, you're the one who pees on the floor."
37418,131,6,19,"Robin: Oh, my God. Barney's dad."
37419,131,6,19,"Jerry: Hey, uh, you're Barney's friends, right?"
37420,131,6,19,"Marshall: Yeah, but... aren't you supposed to be off managing some tour in Australia?"
37421,131,6,19,"Jerry: What? No, I... I'm a driving instructor up in White Plains. And I need your help... Barney won't return my calls."
37422,131,6,19,"Lily:  What do you mean, Barney won't return your calls? He said you two had an amazing night together."
37423,131,6,19,Jerry: That's not what happened.
37424,131,6,19,[FLASHBACK]
37425,131,6,19,Barney: I'm not sure how to start this.
37426,131,6,19,Jerry: Yeah.
37427,131,6,19,Barney: I think I need a drink.
37428,131,6,19,"Jerry: Me, too."
37429,131,6,19,"Barney: Glen McKenna, neat."
37430,131,6,19,"Jerry: Milk, skim."
37431,131,6,19,"Barney: Milk? Oh, you're taking it easy. Crazy night?"
37432,131,6,19,"Jerry: I'll say. Between you and me, I had a lot of acid last night."
37433,131,6,19,Barney: Wow.
37434,131,6,19,"Jerry: I think it was the chili dog. I had to take four Tums. I was up till, like, 9:30."
37435,131,6,19,"Barney: Hey, um.. When I was a kid, you used to be a roadie. You still do that?"
37436,131,6,19,"Jerry: No. I switched lanes years ago. I should explain. I'm a driving instructor. Now you get it, right"
37437,131,6,19,"Barney: Yeah, no, I get it. Um, but when I was a kid, you... you were this total badass."
37438,131,6,19,"Jerry: Oh, I know. I was a real hard partier."
37439,131,6,19,"Barney: Yeah, okay, now we're getting to the good stuff."
37440,131,6,19,"Jerry: The drugs, the alcohol, the women..."
37441,131,6,19,"Barney: Yes, yes, yes."
37442,131,6,19,Jerry: I was out of control.
37443,131,6,19,Barney: *Out of control.*
37444,131,6,19,"Jerry: So when your mom said I couldn't see you any more, it was rock bottom for me. I'm so sorry."
37445,131,6,19,Barney: You ever bang Stevie Nicks?
37446,131,6,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37447,131,6,19,Jerry: Barney wasn't interested in my apology. He just wanted me to be cool. And I was so desperate to connect with him. I did something I'm not proud of. I started bragging.
37448,131,6,19,[FLASHBACK]
37449,131,6,19,"Jerry: I bet you didn't know this about me, Barney, but I've published two nonfiction books about asparagus. And one fiction. I'm credited with inventing the word ""furgling."" It means fumbling for keys. So then all the county fair judges started chanting, ""More quiche! More quiche!"" I guess you could call me the LeBron James of drapes."
37450,131,6,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37451,131,6,19,"Jerry: I could tell he just wanted me to be this big ladies' man, so..."
37452,131,6,19,[FLASHBACK]
37453,131,6,19,"Jerry: What a hottie, huh? I'm sure you're a real player."
37454,131,6,19,Barney: Big-time.
37455,131,6,19,"Jerry: Observe. Excuse me, that's my son over there. I'm trying to reconnect with him after 30 years. Would you just write down any seven numbers here, so that I can impress him? Please, I'm desperate."
37456,131,6,19,"Barney: Oh, my God, you're a natural. Think of the pickup plays we can run as a father-son duo. There's the ""Father Knows Breast,"" there's the ""Bush Dynasty,"" the ""Lick Father, Lick Son."""
37457,131,6,19,"Jerry: Oh, no, no. I couldn't do that."
37458,131,6,19,Barney: Why?
37459,131,6,19,"Jerry: I have a family now. That's my wife Cheryl, my daughter Carly... she's in college. This is my son J.J. I was hoping you could come over to dinner sometime and meet them."
37460,131,6,19,"Barney: You're all wearing matching sweaters. That's cute. Look, I got to get going, Jerry. But, uh, this was great. Glad we did this."
37461,131,6,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37462,131,6,19,"Jerry: I made him wait all these years for me and... I'm just not the guy he wanted me to be. I know I don't deserve it, but... I need another chance to connect with my son."
37463,131,6,19,
37464,131,6,19,Back to the intervention at Ted's house...
37465,131,6,19,Lily:  We think you should give him another chance. That's the real reason we're out here. He lives ten minutes away.
37466,131,6,19,Barney: What?
37467,131,6,19,Marshall: You're having dinner with him tonight.
37468,131,6,19,"Barney: No, I most certainly am not. Look, I met him. He's not my kind of bro and that's that."
37469,131,6,19,Robin: Are you sure it's not more than that?
37470,131,6,19,"Barney: Guys, get it through your heads. I am never gonna talk to my dad again."
37471,131,6,19,"Marshall: No, Barney. I'm never gonna talk to my dad again. But your dad is alive and he lives just down the road."
37472,131,6,19,"Barney: Fine, I'll go."
37473,131,6,19,"Marshall: Awesome. Um, Lily, keys. (She throws them way too hard, they land in the trees) I'm literally 11 inches from you."
37474,131,6,19,Ted from 2030: And so Barney agreed to give his dad one more chance.
37475,131,6,19,At Jerry's house
37476,131,6,19,Cherryl: Hello. You must be Barney. I'm Cheryl. It's just so nice to finally meet you. I love that suit.
37477,131,6,19,"Barney: Oh, thank you very much. And I love your...coat. I love your coat."
37478,131,6,19,"Cherryl: Oh, that's your coat, Barney. I just took it from you."
37479,131,6,19,"Barney: Well, I do love it. It's doing a nice job covering up that chair."
37480,131,6,19,In the car
37481,131,6,19,Lily:  Guess now we wait.
37482,131,6,19,"Marshall: Hey, I got an idea how to pass the time. A little trivia game. Robin, reindeer: real or fake?"
37483,131,6,19,"Robin: Okay, I'm not an idiot. Reindeer are obviously f... re... fake?"
37484,131,6,19,"Marshall: Yikes! I'm surrounded by a bunch of dum-dums. Good thing I don't have any gaps in my knowledge. I am perfect. Oh, for the love of God, guys, enough already."
37485,131,6,19,"Lily:  What, baby?"
37486,131,6,19,Marshall: You've been treating me with kid gloves ever since my dad died.
37487,131,6,19,Robin: That's not true.
37488,131,6,19,"Lily:  Robin, don't disagree with Marshall."
37489,131,6,19,Robin: I'm sorry.
37490,131,6,19,Marshall: I first noticed it at the bar.
37491,131,6,19,[FLASHBACK]
37492,131,6,19,"Marshall: Hey, Lily, (his voice cracks) Can you get me a mojito? Normally, you would've given me crap for an hour about a voice crack that pubescently girl-like, but nothing. So then I started to test you guys. [...] The Phantom Menace is by far the best Star Wars movie."
37493,131,6,19,"Barney: It ages well, that's the thing."
37494,131,6,19,Marshall: You guys like my new soul patch?
37495,131,6,19,"Robin: Righteous hair tab, brotha."
37496,131,6,19,"Marshall: And once I figured it out, I started doing crazy stuff to see how far you'd let me go. [...]Hey, guys. This is Rex. He's a possum. I found him in the trash. He lives with us now."
37497,131,6,19,Lily:  I love him.
37498,131,6,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37499,131,6,19,"Marshall: Lily, we are living with a possum. Rex is violent and he hates us."
37500,131,6,19,"Lily:  But, baby, you just lost your dad. None of us wants to upset you."
37501,131,6,19,"Marshall: Please. If you guys really want me to get over the worst tragedy of my life, I'm begging you, tear me a new one. But not like Rex tried to in my sleep last night."
37502,131,6,19,At Jerry's house
37503,131,6,19,"Jerry: J.J., dinner. When I got your letter, I dug this up. You were probably too young to remember, but this is you, this is me, and, of course, ZZ Top."
37504,131,6,19,Barney: I do remember that. I climbed up on that dude's lap and told him what I wanted for Christmas.
37505,131,6,19,"Jerry: Yeah, I used to love taking you backstage. You were the coolest little kid."
37506,131,6,19,"JJ: Hi, Barney. It's great to finally meet you."
37507,131,6,19,"Barney: J.J., I'm talking to Dad right now. God."
37508,131,6,19,"Marshall: Seriously, it's time. What are my gaps?"
37509,131,6,19,"Ted: Well, I guess maybe one gap you have is... you can't wink."
37510,131,6,19,[FLASHBACK]
37511,131,6,19,At the Bar
37512,131,6,19,"Marshall: Don't you think that maybe we should go home and, uh, ""do the laundry"""
37513,131,6,19,At Ted's
37514,131,6,19,Lily:  You can't swallow pills.
37515,131,6,19,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37516,131,6,19,"Robin: Ooh, ooh, I got one. You think John Kennedy and Jack Kennedy are the same person. (laughs) Right? What?"
37517,131,6,19,At Jerry's house
37518,131,6,19,"Cherryl: So, Barney, I understand you have a pretty big job with a bank."
37519,131,6,19,"Barney: Yeah, I do. I make a ton of money. How much do you make, J.J.?"
37520,131,6,19,JJ: I'm 11.
37521,131,6,19,"Barney: Oh, well, huh, now we all know you make excuses. I was talking about money."
37522,131,6,19,"Cherryl: Actually, J.J. has a job. Tell him, J.J."
37523,131,6,19,JJ: I got a paper route.
37524,131,6,19,"Barney: Good time to get into print media. Am I right, Dad?"
37525,131,6,19,"Jerry: Good slam, Barney."
37526,131,6,19,Cherryl: Jerry.
37527,131,6,19,Jerry: It's all good fun. Just ribbing among long lost brothers.
37528,131,6,19,Cherryl: J.J.'s a heck of a basketball player.
37529,131,6,19,"Barney: Uh, you don't strike me as the athletic type, Jayj. Dad, check it. Triceps. What gym do you go to?"
37530,131,6,19,JJ: Fourth period?
37531,131,6,19,"Barney: Sounds like you're having your fourth period. Am I right, Dad?!"
37532,131,6,19,Jerry: Got him again.
37533,131,6,19,Cherryl: Jerry!
37534,131,6,19,"Jerry: Oh, okay, Barney. Uh, maybe that's enough."
37535,131,6,19,Barney: Why? J.J. started it. What does J.J. even stand for anyway? J... Jerky... Jerkface?
37536,131,6,19,Jerry: J.J. stands for Jerome Jr.
37537,131,6,19,Barney: Jerome Jr...? Oh. He's... he's named after you. Excuse me.
37538,131,6,19,JJ: I like having a brother.
37539,131,6,19,In the car
37540,131,6,19,Ted: You always add too much water to oatmeal.
37541,131,6,19,"Marshall: Yes, I drown the son of a bitch."
37542,131,6,19,Robin: You consistently miss at least one belt loop.
37543,131,6,19,Marshall: It's like I'm blind.
37544,131,6,19,Lily:  You're too old to ask to see the cockpit.
37545,131,6,19,"Marshall: Whoa. Whoa. Guys, my dad just died."
37546,131,6,19,"Lily:  Aw, honey."
37547,131,6,19,"Marshall: No, I'm just kidding. This is great. I really, I really missed this."
37548,131,6,19,In front of Jerry's house
37549,131,6,19,"Jerry: Barney, what is going on?"
37550,131,6,19,Barney: This is mine.
37551,131,6,19,Jerry: I don't understand.
37552,131,6,19,"Barney: J.J. gets a childhood, a dad, a real family and a basketball hoop? No, no. I at least get the hoop. I'm taking it with me."
37553,131,6,19,"Jerry: Please, just come down and talk to me."
37554,131,6,19,"Barney: Why? Why should I? You're lame, okay? You're just some lame suburban dad."
37555,131,6,19,Jerry: Why does that make you so mad?
37556,131,6,19,"Barney: Because if you were gonna be some lame suburban dad, why couldn't you have been that for me?!"
37557,131,6,19,"Jerry: Look, Barney, I know I screwed up..."
37558,131,6,19,"Barney: Oh, ""screwed up"" doesn't even begin to describe..."
37559,131,6,19,"Jerry: I know, I know, I know! I want to fix this, and I don't know how! Please, tell me what I can do! I'll do anything! You're never gonna get it down like that. Barney. Barney! Just put the pointy end into the grooves. That's it. Now turn it. Righty tighty, lefty loosey. I have no good excuse, Barney. It took me years before I was even able to look myself in the mirror for the way I let you down. It took courage to send me that letter. More courage than I've ever had. I owe you a lifetime of apologies, and I... I just have no idea where to begin."
37560,131,6,19,Barney: Can you help me with this?
37561,131,6,19,"Jerry: Here, got it. Look, if you... ever feel like you're ready, I'd love nothing more than to be a part of your life."
37562,131,6,19,Barney: Bye.
37563,131,6,19,At Ted's house
37564,131,6,19,Lily:  Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?
37565,131,6,19,"Barney: I'm fine. Hey, Ted."
37566,131,6,19,"Ted: Yeah, buddy."
37567,131,6,19,"Barney: You, uh, still want a basketball hoop out there?"
37568,131,6,19,"Ted: Oh, well, I also really liked your outdoor stripper pole idea. Yeah, it's fine."
37569,131,6,19,"Barney: No, you were right. A kid needs a hoop."
37570,132,6,20,Barney's Office
37571,132,6,20,"Ted from 2030: Kids, as you know, I was designing Goliath National Bank's new headquarters on the site of this old hotel, The Arcadian. Problem was, some people didn't want The Arcadian torn down. Even bigger problem, they were led by my girlfriend Zoey."
37572,132,6,20,"(Outside, Zoey and her supporters are protesting)"
37573,132,6,20,Crowd: G-N-B is the e-ne-my!
37574,132,6,20,"Zoey: (She sees Ted at the window) Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on! Hey, sweetie! Are we still on for dinner at 8:00 at Valenzisi's? That's great! I can't wait!"
37575,132,6,20,Crowd: That's great. I can't wait! That's great. I can't wait!
37576,132,6,20,"Ted from 2030: But somehow, Zoey and I were making it work."
37577,132,6,20,At the Bar
37578,132,6,20,"Barney: Ted, why are you dating our arch-enemy?! I mean, Wile E. Coyote wasn't trying to sleep with the Roadrunner."
37579,132,6,20,Robin: Or maybe he was. Think about it. The way that she bats her eyelashes and shakes her tail feathers in his face? (chuckles) She wants it.
37580,132,6,20,Lily: Isn't it hard for you guys to be on opposite sides of something like this?
37581,132,6,20,"Ted: Of course you feel that way, Lily. You and Marshall have basically melded into one big hermaphroditic blob. And that's fine for you guys. But some of us want a partner who challenges us to grow and evolve."
37582,132,6,20,Lily: You guys are in screaming matches all the time.
37583,132,6,20,"Ted: Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Growing matches."
37584,132,6,20,Ted from 2030: It was true. Zoey and I loved to challenge each other.
37585,132,6,20,[FLASHBACKS]
37586,132,6,20,(Ted and Zoey are watching the TV)
37587,132,6,20,Ted: The main character is a young spoiled prince thrust into leadership after the death of his father. It's obviously a modern-day retelling of Henry IV!
37588,132,6,20,Zoey:Are you kidding me?! It's Don Quixote...the classic quest story with the hero-jester and his long-suffering manservant!
37589,132,6,20,"Ted: Okay, clearly, when we're watching Tommy Boy, we're watching two different movies."
37590,132,6,20,"(Later, Ted is on the phone with Zoey)"
37591,132,6,20,"Ted: No, you hang up."
37592,132,6,20,"Zoey: No, you hang up."
37593,132,6,20,"Ted: No, you hang up."
37594,132,6,20,"Zoey: No, you hang up."
37595,132,6,20,"Ted: No, you hang up! (Later) No, you hang up."
37596,132,6,20,"Zoey: No, you hang up."
37597,132,6,20,"Ted: No, you... (His phone starts beeping) Hold on. (beep) Hello?"
37598,132,6,20,"Robin: For the love of God, will one of you idiots hang up the phone?"
37599,132,6,20,Ted: Why would you do that?!
37600,132,6,20,Zoey:I-I thought you'd like it.
37601,132,6,20,Ted: Who likes that?
37602,132,6,20,Zoey:I like it.
37603,132,6,20,Lily: Your relationship sounds exhausting.
37604,132,6,20,"Ted: Well, maybe yours is a bit lazy."
37605,132,6,20,"Lily: Marshall and I have been together 15 years, and the only debate we've had about Tommy Boy is whether it's awesome or super awesome. That's love, bitch."
37606,132,6,20,[OPENING CREDITS]
37607,132,6,20,"Ted from 2030: Now around this time, Marshall had truly come to hate his job. He hated the paperwork. He hated the coffee. He hated the dirty jokes. He hated everything."
37608,132,6,20,At the Bar
37609,132,6,20,Marshall: I have to quit.
37610,132,6,20,Barney: Quit GNB?! Why?
37611,132,6,20,"Marshall: I need to do better things with my life, okay? There's-There's an opening for an environmental lawyer at the National Resources Defense Council. Sure, it pays less, but I'd be saving the oceans, saving endangered species..."
37612,132,6,20,"Barney: Saving chicken bones and an old boot to make hobo soup? Marshall, you can't pay your mortgage with Hacky Sacks and good vibes."
37613,132,6,20,"Lily: Baby, you have my full support."
37614,132,6,20,"Barney: Well, then, you're not going to be able to pay for that trip to Spain that you've been planning. (Barney snickers) Say good-bye to riding around in gondolas, and eating bratwurst and seeing the pyramids."
37615,132,6,20,Robin:I don't think you know what Spain is.
37616,132,6,20,"Barney: Well, I know that a trip there costs some serious lira."
37617,132,6,20,Ted: It's dinero.
37618,132,6,20,Barney: Where? I want his autograph!
37619,132,6,20,"Ted from 2030: So Marshall walked in the next morning all ready to quit. But then something weird happened. Suddenly, he didn't hate the paperwork. He didn't hate the coffee. He didn't even hate the dirty jokes. Out of nowhere, Marshall actually liked GNB."
37620,132,6,20,Robin: It's graduation goggles.
37621,132,6,20,Marshall: What?
37622,132,6,20,"Robin:Graduation goggles, like with high school. It's four years of bullies making fun of all the kids with braces, even after the braces come off and they can walk just fine. But then, on graduation day, you suddenly get all misty because you realize you're never going to see those jerks again. I just had graduation goggles with that guy Scooby I dated."
37623,132,6,20,Lily: The guy who was basically a dog?
37624,132,6,20,Robin:He was the worst kisser I've ever been with. But the moment I decided to dump him...I suddenly got kind of wistful. (as speaking to a dog): He was a good boy.
37625,132,6,20,"Barney: Yeah. I've been there, too. Every time I'm done having s*x with a woman, at first,I never want to see her again. No, that's pretty much it."
37626,132,6,20,"Robin:The point is, you can't trust graduation goggles. They're just as misleading as beer goggles, bridesmaid goggles, and that's-just-a-bulky, outdated-cell-phone in-his-front-pocket goggles. That one was a bummer."
37627,132,6,20,"Marshall: You're right. Tomorrow, I'm quitting GNB."
37628,132,6,20,"Barney: No! You can't quit tomorrow! The lady with the big nipples is coming back to give another sexual harassment seminar, and I bribed one of the maintenance guys to keep the room at a brisk 55 degrees!"
37629,132,6,20,"Lily: Baby, more than ever, you have my full support. (Lily and Marshall kisses)"
37630,132,6,20,"Zoey and Ted are in bed, in Ted's appartment / Lily and Marshall are in bed in their appartment / Barney is in bed with a girl in his appartment"
37631,132,6,20,"Ted: You know, sometimes I feel bad for Lily and Marshall."
37632,132,6,20,Lily: I'm starting to feel bad for Ted and Zoey.
37633,132,6,20,"Barney: It starts with an... ""L?"""
37634,132,6,20,Girl: How can you not remember my name?
37635,132,6,20,Ted: It's like they never challenge each other. They just automatically agree all the time.
37636,132,6,20,"Zoey: Well, they don't do that all the time."
37637,132,6,20,"Ted:Yes, they do."
37638,132,6,20,"Zoey: No, they don't."
37639,132,6,20,"Ted:Yes, they do. It's like they..."
37640,132,6,20,Lily and Marshall:... don't see eye-to-eye on anything! Totally.
37641,132,6,20,Girl: It rhymes with your name.
37642,132,6,20,Barney: And I said my name was...?
37643,132,6,20,At Lily and MArshall's appartment
37644,132,6,20,(Marshall comes in)
37645,132,6,20,"Marshall: Baby, I did it! I quit. And then I walked right over to the NRDC, and I took that job."
37646,132,6,20,"Lily: Oh, good for you, sweetie."
37647,132,6,20,"Marshall: Yeah. It's a little less money than I was expecting. I mean, compared to what I was making at GNB, it's nothing. Actually compared to anything, it's nothing. It's nothing. The paid position just got filled, so all I can do is-is volunteer right now. You're cool with that, right?"
37648,132,6,20,"Lily: Baby, if this is what you need to do, we'll figure it out. How's Barney handling you leaving?"
37649,132,6,20,In Barney's office
37650,132,6,20,(Barney is burning a photo of Marshall; Ted enters)
37651,132,6,20,"Ted: Hey, Barney, there's a bunch of models in the lobby, and the gossip is one of them is really a dude. You want to play ""Who's Hot and Who's Scott?"""
37652,132,6,20,"Barney: It's always the one in the turtleneck, Ted. And no, I don't want to play. Stupid Marshall-... ruined everything."
37653,132,6,20,"Ted: Oh, come on. Everything's not ruined."
37654,132,6,20,(A man enters)
37655,132,6,20,"Man: Guys, everything's ruined."
37656,132,6,20,Ted: What? Why?
37657,132,6,20,"Man: Your girlfriend somehow got the Landmark Preservation Committee to agree to a hearing. If they declare the Arcadian a landmark, the whole project is dead. The good news is, I just got the phone number of a husky-voiced hottie in a turtleneck."
37658,132,6,20,(The man leaves the room)
37659,132,6,20,At the Bar
37660,132,6,20,"Robin:...so, if the Landmarks Preservation Committee sides with Zoey, your whole project goes down the tubes? You must be furious."
37661,132,6,20,Ted: I'm furiously enjoying being challenged.
37662,132,6,20,Lily: Why don't you admit that your girlfriend challenging your every move is getting you a little murder-suicidey?
37663,132,6,20,Ted: Why don't you admit that Marshall quitting his job and taking an unpaid internship is killing you?
37664,132,6,20,Lily: It's not.
37665,132,6,20,"Ted: Lily, the downside to having giant, Japanese anime eyes is that they're easy to read. And yours are screaming, ""What about my trip to Spain, deadbeat?"""
37666,132,6,20,"Lily: Okay, Ted, the downside to having a woman's mouth is, your feminine pout gives away your true feelings. And yours is saying, ""Oh, Zoey, why can't I be on top just this once?"""
37667,132,6,20,Ted: We take turns! Sometimes.
37668,132,6,20,(Marshall comes in)
37669,132,6,20,"Marshall: Hey, guys. Thanks. Hey. I just had the best first day at the NRDC."
37670,132,6,20,(Barney starts laughing)
37671,132,6,20,Barney: I'm sorry. Sorry. Something Hershel said at work today.
37672,132,6,20,Robin: Hershel?
37673,132,6,20,"Barney: What, don't you guys know Hershel? Didn't I tell you? Oh, he's the new lawyer who replaced Marshall at GNB. He is so awesome and funny and tall... taller than Marshall... and he knows way more laws."
37674,132,6,20,"Lily: Well, I'm glad you like your new co-worker."
37675,132,6,20,Barney: There's no Hershel! I was just saying that to make you jealous! Why do you insist we play these games?
37676,132,6,20,"Marshall: Barney, I'm not playing..."
37677,132,6,20,Barney: Just come back to GNB already!
37678,132,6,20,Marshall: I'm really loving my new job.
37679,132,6,20,"Lily: Oh, and I'm loving seeing you this happy."
37680,132,6,20,"Marshall: I'm so glad to hear you say that because I volunteered our apartment for a big NRDC fund-raiser tomorrow night. You're-You're cool with that, right?"
37681,132,6,20,"Lily: Baby, you have my full support."
37682,132,6,20,"Marshall: Thanks, baby. (phone chirps) Oh. Ooh, I gotta go. The invitations are ready. The party's for a bunch of environmentalists, so I found a guy downtown who makes biodegradable party invitations that can also be used as toilet paper."
37683,132,6,20,(Marshall leaves)
37684,132,6,20,Barney: That's how I'm gonna use mine.
37685,132,6,20,Robin: Why in the world do you care so much whether Marshall works at GNB?
37686,132,6,20,"Barney: Care? I don't care. I'm like, whatever. Marshall who? He's stupid. Hershel's way better."
37687,132,6,20,"Robin:Okay, Barney, is it possible that with everything that's gone on with your dad lately, you might have some unresolved abandonment issues you're transferring onto Marshall?"
37688,132,6,20,"Barney: Oh! Ugh! You are worse than my shrink. ""Barney, we have to talk about your father."" ""Barney, I'm not going to teach you how to hypnotize people. You'll only use it for evil."" ""Barney, I am not going to conduct a couples session ""between you and this woman. She's obviously a prostitute."" I don't need this!"
37689,132,6,20,
37690,132,6,20,At Ted's appartment
37691,132,6,20,(Lily arrives)
37692,132,6,20,"Ted: Ah, Lily Aldrin, half of the world's most perfect couple! I was thinking about that woman's mouth comment, and I have three good comebacks. One: your mom didn't seem to mind it last night on her..."
37693,132,6,20,"Lily: Okay, look, Ted, I need a favor. Would you mind driving out to Kennedy with me to pick up this famous ecologist for Marshall's fund-raiser? Apparently, he only speaks Spanish. And you speak Spanish, right? (Ted says something in spanish) Perfect. Let's go."
37694,132,6,20,At Barney's office
37695,132,6,20,(Barney is on the phone with Marshall)
37696,132,6,20,"Barney: Hey, Marshall, it's me. Listen, I know I've been kind of a jerk about your leaving GNB. I just wanted to call and say I'm sorry. No apologies necessary. We're good. Good. Um, hey, any chance you might maybe... I don't know... if you're not busy, uh, want to have lunch today?"
37697,132,6,20,"Marshall: Oh, buddy, I'd love to, but I can't."
37698,132,6,20,"Barney: Oh, that's cool. No biggie. Another time."
37699,132,6,20,"Robin: (Robin is standing at the door) Oh, my God!"
37700,132,6,20,Barney: How long have you been there?
37701,132,6,20,Robin: You don't remember?
37702,132,6,20,[FLASHBACK]
37703,132,6,20,"Robin: Hey. I was in the neighborhood. I just wanted to check in on you. You seemed, um, you seemed really upset the other day."
37704,132,6,20,"Barney: Oh, no, I'm fine."
37705,132,6,20,"Robin: Okay. Well, um, you want to go grab some lunch?"
37706,132,6,20,"Barney:Sure. Hey, are you okay if I invite Marshall to join us?"
37707,132,6,20,Robin: Yeah.
37708,132,6,20,(Barney makes a call to Marshall)
37709,132,6,20,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37710,132,6,20,"Barney:Right. So, um... Chinese?"
37711,132,6,20,In Ted's car
37712,132,6,20,"Ted: You know, just because Zoey and I are a different kind of couple than you and Marshall doesn't make us a worse couple."
37713,132,6,20,"Lily: You're right. I-If you and Zoey are happy, then who am I to judge? I'm so sorry."
37714,132,6,20,"Ted: Oh, my God, is that how support feels? It's so warm and wonderful. Oh, Lily, I've been so unhappy."
37715,132,6,20,Lily: But I thought you liked being challenged.
37716,132,6,20,"Ted: Nobody likes being challenged! Couldn't she agree with me just once, even on something little, like... like what movie to see or-or what topping to get on our pizza or... oh, I don't know, my lifelong dream of building a skyscraper in New York City?!"
37717,132,6,20,"Lily: Well, in her defense, hamburger pizza, Ted? What are you, 12?"
37718,132,6,20,"Ted: You were right, Lily. I mean, Zoey's great, but... sometimes I do wish we were a little more like you and Marshall. There he is. Here we go. (Ted says some incomprehensible things in spanish)"
37719,132,6,20,Man: I'm sorry. I don't speak... whatever it is you're speaking.
37720,132,6,20,"Ted: Um, he speaks perfect English."
37721,132,6,20,"Lily: Yeah, I-I know."
37722,132,6,20,Ted: Then why did you ask me to come?
37723,132,6,20,"Lily: So you can drive him to the fund-raiser. Supporting Marshall this much is driving me crazy. I'm going to Spain-- my flight leaves in 45 minutes. Adios, muchacho."
37724,132,6,20,"Ted: W-Wait, what do you mean you're going to Spain?"
37725,132,6,20,"Lily: You were right. If I hear myself say ""Baby, you have my full support"" one more time, I swear I'm gonna murder someone!"
37726,132,6,20,"Ted: What are you gonna tell Marshall, huh? And when are you coming back?"
37727,132,6,20,"Lily: I honestly haven't thought it all the way through, and I don't intend to. All I know is that I'm a ticking time bomb, and if I don't do something for me right away, I swear I'm gonna explode!"
37728,132,6,20,"Ted: Wow, tha... that's an evocative metaphor to use for your nonthreatening, totally patriotic emotions. U.S.A.! Okay, Lily, I get it."
37729,132,6,20,Lily: Marshall's been asking a lot lately.
37730,132,6,20,Ted: But the thing to do is-is tell him you've had enough.
37731,132,6,20,"Lily: I've never been good at that. And now, ever since his dad died, I-I feel like it's my job to just be fine with everything. But I'm not. I'm not fine that he volunteers our apartment for a giant fund-raiser and that he's not thinking about how we're gonna pay any of our bills and that, apparently, we've given up on trying to have kids."
37732,132,6,20,Ted: Lil...
37733,132,6,20,"Lily: Look, I'm sorry, Ted, I just, I gotta do this. (Lily leaves)"
37734,132,6,20,"Man: My bag? Oh, no. I got it."
37735,132,6,20,At the Bar
37736,132,6,20,Barney: There's nothing to talk about.
37737,132,6,20,"Robin: You trashed your office today. I mean, you obviously have some deep feelings you're not confronting. And I think they're about your dad."
37738,132,6,20,"Barney: I don't want to talk about it, okay?"
37739,132,6,20,Robin: Why not?
37740,132,6,20,Barney: Because I don't. And why am I explaining this to you? You're the most secretive person I know. You never tell anybody anything.
37741,132,6,20,"Robin: I've never... told anyone this before. Um... I was 16. I was awakened around midnight by the sound of my father arguing with his business partner, Andy Grenier. As things grew heated... I watched my father's hand slowly coil around the heavy antique clock on his desk. The sun was just starting to rise over the bramble orchard as we packed the fresh earth down with the flats of our shovels. My dad and I got our stories straight. We walked back to the house in silence and... haven't talked about it since. But sometimes... on a still night... you can still hear that clock, ticking... ticking... (quietly): ticking."
37742,132,6,20,Barney: That's... the most harrowing story I've ever heard. Is it true?
37743,132,6,20,"Robin: No. But it did get you to drink three scotches, which is why you're ready to spill your guts."
37744,132,6,20,Barney: Fine! The reason I'm upset about Marshall leaving GNB is... is...the meatball sub.
37745,132,6,20,Robin: Huh?
37746,132,6,20,Barney: It all started months ago in the GNB commissary. It was Meatball Sub Day.
37747,132,6,20,[FLASHBACK]
37748,132,6,20,"Barney: Oh, how I used to love Meatball Sub Day. And then, the most humiliating moment of my life."
37749,132,6,20,"Marshall: Hey, buddy, I think you got a tiny little bit of marinara sauce on your tie there."
37750,132,6,20,(Marshall and his co-workers start chuckling)
37751,132,6,20,"Barney: I plotted my revenge for weeks. But nothing seemed right. Then it hit me. The answer was so elegant and simple-- an exploding meatball sub. For months, I experimented. More... marinara sauce. Finally, the sub was perfected. The plan was in place. The snare was baited. And then..."
37752,132,6,20,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37753,132,6,20,"Barney:...he quit, Robin, he quit! It's Meatball Sub Day today, which is why I wanted Marshall to come over and have lunch. But no. All that work wasted. (quiet sobbing) You want to make God laugh, tell him your plans, right?"
37754,132,6,20,Robin: What is wrong with you?
37755,132,6,20,At Marshall's appartment
37756,132,6,20,"Marshall: Hey, Professor Rodriguez, thank you so much for coming."
37757,132,6,20,"Prof. Rodriguez: Oh, my pleasure. I have to use the restroom. Do you have some extra invitations?"
37758,132,6,20,"Marshall: Right over there. Enjoy. Hey. Hey, thanks for picking him up."
37759,132,6,20,"Ted: Yeah, absolutely. Um, listen, something happened at the airport. Um..."
37760,132,6,20,Marshall: What?
37761,132,6,20,"Ted: Well, we got there, and, uh, Lily...(sighs) Lily..."
37762,132,6,20,(Lily arrives)
37763,132,6,20,"Lily: Marshall, hey. Sorry, I, uh, I had to park and-and grab some ice. Sorry."
37764,132,6,20,"Marshall: Oh, thanks, babe. You would not believe how much this one has done to help throw this party, Ted. I don't know how she does it. Can't be easy, huh, Lil?"
37765,132,6,20,"Lily: Yeah. Listen, Marshall, I-I need to talk to you about something."
37766,132,6,20,"Marshall: No, you know what? Me, too. Um... I want to thank you for being so supportive of me in all this. I've been at the NRDC for less than a week, and I've already done more to be proud of than in two years at GNB. I can't believe how good it feels. But now, it's time for me to find a way to help the Earth and get paid for it, because I can't put that burden entirely on you. So, starting tomorrow, I'll look for something with a paycheck. What do you think?"
37767,132,6,20,"Lily: Baby, you have my full support."
37768,132,6,20,(Marshall and Lily kiss;Ted notices Zoey at the other end of the room)
37769,132,6,20,Zoey: Ted.
37770,132,6,20,Ted: Hey! What are you doing here?
37771,132,6,20,"Zoey: This is really important to Marshall, so I came to show my support."
37772,132,6,20,Ted: This you can be supportive of?!
37773,132,6,20,Zoey: What is that supposed to mean?
37774,132,6,20,"Ted: I have the chance to build a skyscraper in the best city on Earth, and who's the one leading the charge to kill that dream? My girlfriend!"
37775,132,6,20,"Zoey: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What about my lifelong dream of not seeing every beautiful building in Manhattan bulldozed?"
37776,132,6,20,"Ted from 2030: And in that moment, I realized, though I really cared about Zoey, I couldn't do this for the next 50 years. I had to break up with her. But then... Kids, some couples always support each other, and some couples always challenge each other, but is one really better than the other? Yes. Support is better. Way better. But I'd have to learn that the hard way."
37777,132,6,20,[Ten years later; at Barney's]
37778,132,6,20,"(Barney is in bed, looking very sick, Robin, Ted, MArshall and Lily are here)"
37779,132,6,20,Lily: You're too young. This isn't fair.
37780,132,6,20,"Marshall: We're not going anywhere, buddy. We're gonna stay here right till the end."
37781,132,6,20,"Barney, weakly: Thank you, Marshall. (coughs weakly) Marshall... can I ask one final favor, my friend?"
37782,132,6,20,"Marshall: Yes, of course, of course... anything."
37783,132,6,20,Barney: Eat this meatball sub.
37784,132,6,20,Marshall: Wh-Where'd you get a meatball...
37785,132,6,20,Barney: I don't have much time!
37786,132,6,20,"Marshall: Okay, yes, yes, of course. Of course. Does this have some sort of special meaning?"
37787,132,6,20,"(The sandwich explodes, throwing marina sauce all over Marshall; Barney leave his bed)"
37788,132,6,20,"Barney, with a mean laugh: I'm not sick, you idiots! I've racked up $30,000 of uninsured medical bills for symptoms I don't even have. Totally worth it! You should see the look on your face. Oh, wait, you can't-- 'cause it's covered in marinara sauce!"
37789,132,6,20,"Ted: Uh, Barney, you got a little marinara on your pajamas."
37790,132,6,20,(Barney looks at his pajamas and stops laughing; his face decomposes itself)
37791,133,6,21,[1983; on Jerry's porch]
37792,133,6,21,"Jerry: Barney, afraid this is good-bye. Your buzz kill of a ma... thinks I'm a... a bad influence on you."
37793,133,6,21,"Barney: What? That's... What is that word you taught me? ""Bull"" something?"
37794,133,6,21,"Jerry: But she's your mother and I'm... you know, I'm just your Uncle Jerry. So, this is the last time I can see you."
37795,133,6,21,Barney: But you're supposed to take me to see that Zeppelin cover band next week. The night is gonna be... Led-and-Jerry.
37796,133,6,21,"Jerry: Sorry, buddy, but this is it. But don't you forget your training. What's a magician's best friend?"
37797,133,6,21,Barney: A drunk audience.
37798,133,6,21,"Jerry, laughing: Attaboy. You still got that button from the festival we went to? Now... I'm gonna put this right inside your brain, behind your ear... so that I'll know that you won't forget me. See you, buddy. And hey... Never... stop... partying."
37799,133,6,21,"Ted from 2030: Kids, in 1983, Barney watched his father walk out of his life. And in 2011, when their first reunion ended badly..."
37800,133,6,21,[2011]
37801,133,6,21,At Jerry's
37802,133,6,21,Jerry: I'd love nothing more than to be a part of your life.
37803,133,6,21,Ted from 2030: This time it was Barney who did the walking.
37804,133,6,21,Barney: Bye.
37805,133,6,21,"Ted from 2030: And that was almost the end of it. Except, a few weeks later..."
37806,133,6,21,At Ted's appartment
37807,133,6,21,"(Ted, Lily, Marshall and Robin are eating chinese; Barney enters)"
37808,133,6,21,"Barney: I am so angry at my dad! Guess who called me today. Go on, guess."
37809,133,6,21,Marshall: Mmm. Your dad?
37810,133,6,21,Barney: My dad!
37811,133,6,21,[FLASHBACK]
37812,133,6,21,(Barney is at the Bar. Jerry is on his porch.)
37813,133,6,21,Barney: Barney Stinson.
37814,133,6,21,"Jerry: Hi, Barney. It's your dad. Look, would you like to go fishing with me and J.J. on Sunday morning?"
37815,133,6,21,"Barney: Ooh, hold on, let me check my personality. Oh, no. Turns out I would never do that in a million years."
37816,133,6,21,"Jerry: Barney, look... I know you're disappointed that your dad is just... a boring old driving instructor from the suburbs. But that guy I used to be... ""Crazy Jerry""? He was bad news! Drinking, partying, sleeping around. The party can't go on forever. You're 35; I'm-I'm sure you're starting to realize that, right?"
37817,133,6,21,Barney: You do not know how right you are.
37818,133,6,21,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37819,133,6,21,Barney: Zero right! We're not getting too old for anything.
37820,133,6,21,"Ted: You sure? I feel like we collectively learn the opposite lesson, like, at least once a year."
37821,133,6,21,"Barney: I have to face an ugly truth. Jerry Whittaker, my own father, is anti-awesome-etic. I know Crazy Jerry's still in there somewhere, but he's trapped under 20 years of lawnmower parties and carpool barbecues."
37822,133,6,21,"Robin: Wow, you know nothing about the suburbs."
37823,133,6,21,"Barney:Well, this Saturday night, I am bustin' him out. I'm gonna make Jerry realize he was wrong about giving up his old life by showing him the awesomest night of all time. And for the awesomest night of all time, I'm going to need the awesomest friends of all time. Okay, who do I know? Guys...! Do any of you know George Clooney?"
37824,133,6,21,At the Bar
37825,133,6,21,(Barney sits down at the booth)
37826,133,6,21,"Barney: Okay, my dad's almost here. I need everything to be as awesome as possible tonight."
37827,133,6,21,Lily: That's why you brought these guys.
37828,133,6,21,Barney:No. That's why I brought these guys. (He gets several cards out of his inside pocket) I've made some minor improvements to your identities. Uh. Mm! You'll find them on these cards.
37829,133,6,21,Marshall: Improvements?!
37830,133,6,21,Barney:Yeah.
37831,133,6,21,"Marshall: Bro, we are already the four jiggity-jamminest dudes and dudettes this side of... Okay, let's see the cards."
37832,133,6,21,"Barney:Robin, no one watches the news unless it's a car chase or a nip slip. You are now a professional scotch taster. Lily, Jerry needs to learn that other lifestyles are just as fulfilling as monogamy, so now you and Marshall are in an open marriage."
37833,133,6,21,Lily: Whoo-hoo!
37834,133,6,21,Marshall: Gross!
37835,133,6,21,"Barney:Also, Marshall, you can't just be unemployed, so you are now a gin-swilling, womanizing playwright. And, Ted, just be yourself. (chuckles) Just kidding. Here's a giant pile of topics you should avoid talking about."
37836,133,6,21,"Ted: Well. Well, this could actually be fun. In fact, I believe it was Oscar Wilde who said, ""Man is least himself when he talks..."""
37837,133,6,21,"Barney:Ted, card."
37838,133,6,21,"Ted: Ah. You're right... ""No quoting Oscar Wilde."""
37839,133,6,21,"Barney:Finally... Robin, you're dating Ted."
37840,133,6,21,"Robin: Aw, man! Why?"
37841,133,6,21,"Barney: I can't have any single female friends lying around. My dad'll be all, Why don't you marry Robin? You guys are cute together. Deep down, you know you were never happier than when you were with her. Uh... (chuckles) no, thanks."
37842,133,6,21,"Lily: Hey, Barney... love the new identities. Little thing... instead of being a naked super ninja, can I be Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada?"
37843,133,6,21,Ted: How good was that movie?
37844,133,6,21,(everyone start talking all at once)
37845,133,6,21,Barney: And... hence new identities.
37846,133,6,21,"(later, still at the Bar)"
37847,133,6,21,Ted from 2030: And so Barney's dad finally showed up.
37848,133,6,21,(Jerry arrives)
37849,133,6,21,"Barney: Jerry, you remember Marshall... he's a well-known writer."
37850,133,6,21,"Marshall: Playwright. We're all writers, just some of us don't know what our story is yet."
37851,133,6,21,"Barney: Lily, his wife."
37852,133,6,21,"Lily: Well, most nights. Mama don't let no ring get in the way of a good time."
37853,133,6,21,Jerry: That's... a little depressing.
37854,133,6,21,"Ted: Uh, hi again. Ted. Oh, and, Jerry, you remember my girlfriend."
37855,133,6,21,Robin: Robin. Hi. So nice to see you again.
37856,133,6,21,"Barney: Wait, wait. Jerry, I got to tell you the truth. Guys, I'm gonna tell him. We're also a band."
37857,133,6,21,At Ted's appartment
37858,133,6,21,"ROBIN: Two, three, four!"
37859,133,6,21,[OPENING CREDIT sang and played by the HIMYM gang]
37860,133,6,21,At the Bar
37861,133,6,21,"Jerry: So, Saturday night... time to cut loose, right? Who wants to split a beer?"
37862,133,6,21,"Barney: Oh, we're not drinking here. Tonight we're going big. Let's see, what club should we hit first? There's Club Was, there's Wrong..."
37863,133,6,21,"Marshall: Um, those places shut down a long time ago."
37864,133,6,21,"Barney: Oh, no."
37865,133,6,21,"Marshall: Oh, No shut down, too."
37866,133,6,21,Ted: There's Where?
37867,133,6,21,Jerry: Where's Where?
37868,133,6,21,"Lily: Where's where Was was, isn't it?"
37869,133,6,21,"Barney: No, Was wasn't where Where was, Was was where Wrong was, right?"
37870,133,6,21,Jerry: Okay.
37871,133,6,21,Ted: Not Okay. That place is lame.
37872,133,6,21,Robin: Okay is Lame? I thought Lame was a gay bar. Or is that Wrong?
37873,133,6,21,Marshall: That's wrong. That's not Wrong.
37874,133,6,21,"Barney: Guys, focus."
37875,133,6,21,"Robin: Oh, I like Focus. Let's go there."
37876,133,6,21,Ted: Where?
37877,133,6,21,Robin: Not Where. Focus.
37878,133,6,21,Lily: I thought Focus was closed.
37879,133,6,21,"Barney: No, Was was Closed. Once Was shut down, it reopened as Closed."
37880,133,6,21,Marshall: So Closed is open.
37881,133,6,21,"Robin: No, Closed is closed."
37882,133,6,21,Jerry: I don't know. Third base! Right?
37883,133,6,21,"Robin: Ew, Third Base is all frat guys."
37884,133,6,21,"Jerry: I'll go anyplace, okay?"
37885,133,6,21,Ted: Not Okay. Okay is lame.
37886,133,6,21,Robin: Okay is not Lame. Lame is a gay bar.
37887,133,6,21,"Lily: Guys, shut up."
37888,133,6,21,"Barney: No, Shut up shut down. I can't believe I don't know the clubs anymore."
37889,133,6,21,"Marshall: Guys, just pick a club, okay?"
37890,133,6,21,Ted: Not Okay!
37891,133,6,21,All: Okay is Lame! Gay bar.
37892,133,6,21,"Marshall: For the record, I was in there once by accident. I'm pretty sure it's pronounced Lamé."
37893,133,6,21,"Barney: It's hopeless, isn't it?"
37894,133,6,21,At Hopeless
37895,133,6,21,(dance music playing)
37896,133,6,21,Marshall: Wow. A lot of these girls are young enough to be our daughters.
37897,133,6,21,Barney: I know. Daddy's home. And Granddaddy's home! Tonight rocks so hard!
37898,133,6,21,Jerry: I might be allergic to this stamp.
37899,133,6,21,"Robin: Oh, my God, my secret crush is here."
37900,133,6,21,Lily: Mila Kunis?!
37901,133,6,21,"Robin: No, my secret crush. We met a few years ago."
37902,133,6,21,[FLASHBACK]
37903,133,6,21,(In a shop)
37904,133,6,21,Man: Hi. I could use a woman's opinion. Is this working for me?
37905,133,6,21,"Robin: Uh... no. (laughs) The only good thing about how ugly that shirt is, is that it distracts from how terribly it fits you."
37906,133,6,21,Man: I was trying on the pants.
37907,133,6,21,Robin: Oh. (Laughs)
37908,133,6,21,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37909,133,6,21,"Robin: I had to leave before we could finish talking, so that was it. You know, ever since then, I've always... Oh, my God, he's coming over here. Oh. Hello."
37910,133,6,21,Man: Hi. A few years ago at a department store... did you embarrass the hell out of me?
37911,133,6,21,"Robin: Oh, I'm sorry, you must have me confused with the shirt you were wearing that day."
37912,133,6,21,Man: I should be so lucky.
37913,133,6,21,(Ted pops in)
37914,133,6,21,Ted: Hi! I'm Ted! Robin's boyfriend! Nice to meet you.
37915,133,6,21,Man: Right. Um... it was really nice to see you again.
37916,133,6,21,"Robin: Mm-hmm. You, too."
37917,133,6,21,Man: Yeah.
37918,133,6,21,(Ted pats Robin twice)
37919,133,6,21,"Ted, whispering to Robin: You owe me one."
37920,133,6,21,"Barney: Man, isn't this place great?"
37921,133,6,21,"Jerry: Uh, I don't know. It's so loud!"
37922,133,6,21,Marshall: And so bourgeois. Many of plays are about the bourgeois. And ennui. And one rock opera about... a frozen yogurt shop.
37923,133,6,21,"Barney: Uh, L-Lily, uh, talk about your open marriage."
37924,133,6,21,"Lily: Okay. Well, after a long day of style meetings and photo shoots and being way too mean to my assistant, I sometimes bang an underwear model."
37925,133,6,21,Jerry: My goodness!
37926,133,6,21,"Marshall: I sleep around, too. Just as much. A little more, even."
37927,133,6,21,"Lily: Oh, uh, only 'cause you have nothing to do all day."
37928,133,6,21,Marshall: Are we having this fight again? Writing plays is a real job!
37929,133,6,21,"Lily: I work 90 hours a week subsidizing your ""real job."""
37930,133,6,21,Marshall: I won a Tony!
37931,133,6,21,Lily: I brought French cooking to America!
37932,133,6,21,Marshall: What?
37933,133,6,21,Barney: Let's do shots.
37934,133,6,21,"Jerry: Uh, no, thank you, Barney. I have that fishing trip with J.J. early tomorrow. I... I better take it easy."
37935,133,6,21,"Barney: No. Don't you remember what you said to me when I was a kid? ""Never stop partying."""
37936,133,6,21,"Jerry, looking horrified: I said that? To a six-year-old? I don't remember that."
37937,133,6,21,"Barney: You don't remember the last thing you said to me when I was a kid? Well... you know, why don't you just go back home?"
37938,133,6,21,Jerry: But I want to hang out with you.
37939,133,6,21,"Barney: Yeah, well, I want to hang out with Crazy Jerry, not Stay-at-Home Jerome."
37940,133,6,21,Jerry: Fine. You want Crazy Jerry? (He drinks four shots) There! You got him! I apologize... it might take a few minutes to kick in.
37941,133,6,21,All: Oh...
37942,133,6,21,
37943,133,6,21,(Later...)
37944,133,6,21,"Jerry: Hey, sugar! Five beers for the table, a Seven-and-Seven for me, and your ten digits for this guy here! Tonight Crazy Jerry's gonna burn this disco down! Whoo! Wa-hah!"
37945,133,6,21,Barney: Can you believe it? This is awesome!
37946,133,6,21,"Robin: Barney, how is that awesome?"
37947,133,6,21,Barney: I finally know what it's like to be embarrassed by my dad.
37948,133,6,21,Marshall: So you really believe that if we were in an open marriage that you would do better than me?
37949,133,6,21,"Lily: Hey, you do better than me at a lot of other things, like digesting dairy... and reaching for stuff."
37950,133,6,21,"Marhsall: Okay, you know what? Game on. If I can score five numbers before you can, then we have s*x in the bathroom. But... if you can score five numbers before me, then we have s*x in the bathroom."
37951,133,6,21,Lily: So our usual wager. Deal.
37952,133,6,21,"Barney: Hey, uh, hey, Jerry, y... you really want to be out here like this?"
37953,133,6,21,"Jerry: Oh, sorry, small-town preacher from the Midwest, is there a law against dancing?"
37954,133,6,21,"Barney: No, of course not. I... I just..."
37955,133,6,21,"Jerry: Oh, this club blows. Let's hit the greatest party in the world, the streets of New York!"
37956,133,6,21,"Barney: Yeah! Let's do it! Uh, maybe fix the tie. But mostly, party!"
37957,133,6,21,(Barney and Jerry leave)
37958,133,6,21,"Robin: Okay, Jerry's gone; Let's break up."
37959,133,6,21,"Ted: Okay. ""I would have stolen you a whole orchestra."" There. What's the rush?"
37960,133,6,21,"Robin: Well, that guy who came over here who thinks we're dating, I kind of have a crush on him. Can you help me clear it up?"
37961,133,6,21,"Ted: Really? That guy? He was, like, a four."
37962,133,6,21,"Robin: A four? God, you are, like, the worst judge of guys ever. Okay, if he is a four, what are you?"
37963,133,6,21,Ted: Hey! I'm not perfect; I'm an eight... and a half.
37964,133,6,21,Robin: You're a doofus and a half.
37965,133,6,21,Ted: Fine. Let's go talk to him. Where'd you meet this booger-eater anyway?
37966,133,6,21,Robin: At a close-out sale at Dawes.
37967,133,6,21,Ted: Really? I remember that sale.
37968,133,6,21,[FLASHBACK]
37969,133,6,21,"Ted: Hey, Robin."
37970,133,6,21,"Robin: Oh, Ted. Oh, no."
37971,133,6,21,Ted: Look what I just bought. Right? Right? (He is wearing the Red Boots)
37972,133,6,21,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37973,133,6,21,"Ted: Hold on. We were dating then. I specifically remember, because we had great s*x that night. Great s*x."
37974,133,6,21,[FLASHBACK]
37975,133,6,21,Ted: Let me guess. Someone wants to knock... boots. Boots. (imitating gunshots)
37976,133,6,21,Robin: Just take off your damn shirt. Okay.
37977,133,6,21,Ted: All right.
37978,133,6,21,"Robin: All right. Whoa, stop."
37979,133,6,21,Ted: What?
37980,133,6,21,Robin: Stop. Perfect.
37981,133,6,21,"Ted: But I... I can't see, and you can't see me."
37982,133,6,21,"Robin: Yeah. Yeah, just like that."
37983,133,6,21,[END OF FLASHBACK]
37984,133,6,21,Ted: You were picturing your crush!
37985,133,6,21,"Robin: Well, somebody had to."
37986,133,6,21,"Ted: Okay, okay, answer me this. Are you absolutely sure it had nothing whatsoever... to do with the boots?"
37987,133,6,21,Robin: Yes.
37988,133,6,21,"Ted, loudly: You hear that, everybody? She said ""yes""! We're getting married! (Ted chuckles) I love this girl. I'm never letting her go."
37989,133,6,21,In the streets of New York
37990,133,6,21,"Jerry: Hey... Bottoms up, amigo!"
37991,133,6,21,"Ted from 2030: After that, Barney's memory of the night got a little hazy."
37992,133,6,21,"Jerry, to a big tattoed biker: You want to fight me? Well, I'll fight you, dummy! You don't even know!"
37993,133,6,21,"Barney: (laughing): Hey, hey! There we go!"
37994,133,6,21,(Jerry is trying to rip out a parkmeter)
37995,133,6,21,"Jerry: Oh, look what I just ripped out of the ground!"
37996,133,6,21,Barney: Oh...!
37997,133,6,21,Jerry: I just puked on the hood of that... police car! (Laughing)
37998,133,6,21,(both laughing)
37999,133,6,21,"Jerry: Too bad your playwright friend isn't a lawyer. Barney, I'm so sorry. I'm afraid this is what it's like hanging out with Crazy Jerry."
38000,133,6,21,"Barney: It's okay, Dad. I never thought tonight would be so awesome! So... next stop, strip club. The Lusty Leopard has a special..."
38001,133,6,21,"Jerry: Oh, for corn's sake, Barney, I'm not drunk!"
38002,133,6,21,Barney: What?
38003,133,6,21,"Jerry: I told you, I don't party anymore, and you wouldn't take no for an answer. So... I used a little... sleight-of-hand... to make you think otherwise."
38004,133,6,21,[FLASHBACK]
38005,133,6,21,(Jerry substitutes a bottle of milk for a bottle of alcohol and hands out the alcohol bottle to Barney)
38006,133,6,21,Jerry: Here you go.
38007,133,6,21,"Barney, laughing: Whoa!"
38008,133,6,21,"Jerry: Bottoms up, amigo!"
38009,133,6,21,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38010,133,6,21,Barney: But all those crazy things you did.
38011,133,6,21,Jerry: Do you happen to remember what a magician's best friend is?
38012,133,6,21,Barney: A drunk audience.
38013,133,6,21,[FLASHBACK]
38014,133,6,21,"Jerry, to a dummy wearing a biker outfit: You want to fight me? Well, I'll fight you, dummy!"
38015,133,6,21,"Barney: No, no, no. You don't even know! Right here!"
38016,133,6,21,Jerry: Look. Look what I just ripped out of the ground!
38017,133,6,21,Barney: Oh...!
38018,133,6,21,"(Barney is groaning, wiping his mouth with his hand)"
38019,133,6,21,Barney: What just happened?
38020,133,6,21,Jerry: I... I just puked on the hood of that... (siren blares)...police car.
38021,133,6,21,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38022,133,6,21,"Barney: Well, why do all those things?"
38023,133,6,21,"Jerry: I figured if I showed you what... ""never stop partying"" really looked like, you'd realize you can't do it forever. (sighs heavily) Oh, well."
38024,133,6,21,Barney: You lied to me all night for your own selfish reasons? Daddy...!
38025,133,6,21,Jerry: I wanted to hang out with you... you're my son. And since you didn't want to come with me and J.J. On that fishing tri... Fishing trip. I'll never make it back in time now.
38026,133,6,21,"Barney: Hey, you know, a... a pretty good magician like you probably knows how to, say, get out of a standard set of handcuffs."
38027,133,6,21,Jerry: Perhaps.
38028,133,6,21,"Barney: Well, here's something you didn't know... I'm a pretty good magician, too. (They escape and run away) Abracadabra!"
38029,133,6,21,At Hopeless
38030,133,6,21,Woman: Congratulations!
38031,133,6,21,"Robin: Oh, hey! Thank you so much. We're super excited. We're thinking June. (laughs) Yeah, okay. Okay, jerk, do you remember how you ended up buying those red cowboy boots?"
38032,133,6,21,[FLASHBACK]
38033,133,6,21,"Ted, chuckling: Wow. Wardrobe malfunction at the O.K. Corral! I mean, who in their right mind would ever..."
38034,133,6,21,Woman: You would look so totally hot in those.
38035,133,6,21,Ted: Do you have these in a size 11?
38036,133,6,21,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38037,133,6,21,"Robin: So get off the field at the Superdome, because you ain't no saint."
38038,133,6,21,Marshall: Hello.
38039,133,6,21,"Robin: I, uh... Oh."
38040,133,6,21,"Marshall: Hi, Robin. Could I have your phone number?"
38041,133,6,21,"Outside, between two cars"
38042,133,6,21,Barney: We need someplace to hide.
38043,133,6,21,Jerry: Where?
38044,133,6,21,"Barney: No, Jerry, this is not the time to go to another club! We've got to get you back home in time for that trip. But there's no more trains, there's no cabs."
38045,133,6,21,"Jerry: Well, uh... I do have a few driving students in the city."
38046,133,6,21,In a car
38047,133,6,21,"(An old driving student of Jerry is driving the car, Jerry is in the passanger seat, Barney is at the back)"
38048,133,6,21,Barney: Step on it! Jerry...
38049,133,6,21,Jerry: Do not step on it.
38050,133,6,21,"Barney: Jerry, we have got to get you home in time for that fishing trip."
38051,133,6,21,Jerry: The laws are there to protect...
38052,133,6,21,Barney: This is no time for laws!
38053,133,6,21,"Jerry: Buckle up, Barney."
38054,133,6,21,Barney: I am not going to buckle up!
38055,133,6,21,Jerry: I am your father! You will listen to me!
38056,133,6,21,At Hopeless
38057,133,6,21,Ted: Hey! How's the open marriage going? Who was the first one to get the five numbers?
38058,133,6,21,Lily: I won that race. My prize... s*x in the bathroom.
38059,133,6,21,Marshall: And I won that race.
38060,133,6,21,In the streets of New York
38061,133,6,21,(The gang is going back home)
38062,133,6,21,"Lily: Aw, sorry that secret crush didn't work out for you."
38063,133,6,21,"Robin: Oh, it's okay. I guess it just wasn't meant to be."
38064,133,6,21,Lily: Why are you smiling?
38065,133,6,21,Robin: I don't know. Good night.
38066,133,6,21,In the same street
38067,133,6,21,"Man, on the phone: Saw that girl again. And guess what? She's engaged. So that's the end of that."
38068,133,6,21,Ted from 2030: It wasn't the end of that. More on that later
38069,133,6,21,Man: And her fiancé? The guy's like a two.
38070,133,6,21,In the car
38071,133,6,21,Barney: How did you do it?
38072,133,6,21,Jerry: Do what?
38073,133,6,21,"Barney: How did you become this? I mean, I love my life, but... I'm not sure I like loving it. Sure, strip clubs..."
38074,133,6,21,Jerry: You're drifting.
38075,133,6,21,"Barney: Hey, I'm trying to open up to you..."
38076,133,6,21,"Jerry: No, Mrs. Perkins, you're drifting! Go on, Barney."
38077,133,6,21,"Barney: When I think about going for anything more than that, I look at my life, and who I am, and... I'm too far gone. I'm broken."
38078,133,6,21,"Jerry: Son, I was far more broken than you'll ever be. And look at me now. Don't get me wrong... settling down is... a challenge. It's the biggest challenge of your life."
38079,133,6,21,Barney:So how do you do it?
38080,133,6,21,Jerry: A magician never reveals his greatest trick. But I'll give you a hint. You gotta meet the right girl. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet her tomorrow.
38081,133,6,21,Barney:Maybe I've met her already.
38082,133,6,21,"Jerry: And park. And emergency brake. I did have a good time tonight. And hey, if you want to go fishing, we got room in the boat."
38083,133,6,21,Barney:Maybe some other time.
38084,133,6,21,"Jerry: Okay. Oh, and, uh... thanks for taking such good care of this. It means a lot to me that you kept it safe all these years."
38085,133,6,21,(Jerry leaves the car and goes home)
38086,133,6,21,Barney:I'm going fishing with my dad.
38087,133,6,21,"Later, in a boat, in the middle of a lake, Jerry, JJ and Barney are fishing quietly..."
38088,133,6,21,"(Barney inhales deeply, exhales)"
38089,133,6,21,Barney: This... sucks.
38090,134,6,22,"Ted from 2030: Kids, when your Uncle Marshall finally quit Goliath National Bank to do something better with his life, he left on great terms with his boss."
38091,134,6,22,"Arthur: Good luck, Marshall. And promise you'll list me as a reference."
38092,134,6,22,Ted from 2030: Which made Marshall's big interview with a respected environmental organization all the more confusing.
38093,134,6,22,Head of the environmental Organization: I'm sorry. I don't think you're the kind of person we're looking for. I just got off the phone with Arthur Hobbs over at GNB.
38094,134,6,22,"Arthur: Oh, yeah, I worked with Marshall Eriksen... at least I did when he actually showed up."
38095,134,6,22,[FLASHBACKS]
38096,134,6,22,"Arthur: Marshall! Hey, it's, uh, it's 2:30. If it's no big deal, we'd sure love it if you'd try to get here at least before lunch."
38097,134,6,22,Marshall: Yeah? And I'd sure love to give a rat's ass.
38098,134,6,22,Assistant: Oh! Mr. Eriksen... You're not wearing any pants.
38099,134,6,22,Marshall: Your move.
38100,134,6,22,"Assistant: But Marshall, wh... What about the environment?"
38101,134,6,22,Marshall: Screw the environment!
38102,134,6,22,"Head of the environmental Organization: ""Screw the environment""?!"
38103,134,6,22,"Arthur: Oh, yeah. We fired him when we caught him clubbing a seal in his office with an even cuter seal. The guy's a maniac. He's just an awful, flatulent racist."
38104,134,6,22,[END OF FLASHBACKS]
38105,134,6,22,"Marshall: Sir, none of that is..."
38106,134,6,22,Head of the environmental Organization: Sorry. Interview over.
38107,134,6,22,Outside GNB
38108,134,6,22,"Ted from 2030: And so Marshall stormed over to GNB, where he ran into Zoey."
38109,134,6,22,"Zoey: If you want to get back at those jerks, I have a proposition for you."
38110,134,6,22,At the Bar
38111,134,6,22,"Barney: Invitations for the demolition of The Arcadian. As head of the project, I get to decide how we knock it down. I'm torn between training an actual coyote to use an ACME dynamite plunger, or hooking up a fuse to Eddie Van Halen's guitar that goes off the second he hits the last note to ""Hot For Teacher."" Barney! Barney! Bar... No, no. I'm going to go coyote."
38112,134,6,22,"Robin: Wait. While no one wants to see a, uh, coyote wearing a little hard hat more than me, remember: Zoey's protest could still shut your whole project down."
38113,134,6,22,"Barney: Oh, come on. Zoey's not shutting anything down, standing out there with her stupid megaphone, screaming in the wind; butt cheeks trembling with fury; her perky breasts heaving; her self-righteous nipples..."
38114,134,6,22,"Ted: Dude, that's my girlfriend."
38115,134,6,22,"Barney: Point is, we are taking her and The Arcadian down. Am I right, Teddy Westside?"
38116,134,6,22,Ted: You know it.
38117,134,6,22,"Lily: Okay. See, that's so weird to me. One second you're defending Zoey, and the next, you're talking about her going down."
38118,134,6,22,"Barney: Glad to know she's also mouthy in a good way. What up? Dude, that's his girlfriend."
38119,134,6,22,Lily: Isn't it tough dating the woman that's trying to prevent your building from being built?
38120,134,6,22,"Ted: At first, yes, but we figured out a great way to deal with it: we never talk about it. And since then, we've really been enjoying each other's company."
38121,134,6,22,"Lily: So, every time The Arcadian comes up, you guys just awkwardly change the subject?"
38122,134,6,22,"Ted: Yeah, but you'd be surprised. It doesn't even come up that often."
38123,134,6,22,Zoey arrives
38124,134,6,22,"Zoey: Hey, guys."
38125,134,6,22,All: Hey!
38126,134,6,22,Zoey: Meet the new lawyer I hired to help save The Arcadian.
38127,134,6,22,Ted: So Oprah's retiring. Oof! What's that world gonna be like?
38128,134,6,22,[OPENING CREDITS]
38129,134,6,22,"Robin: Wait, Marshall's helping you save The Arcadian, now."
38130,134,6,22,Zoey: Yeah. Having a former GNB employee on our side is huge for us. GNB is going down.
38131,134,6,22,"Marshall: Yeah, totally."
38132,134,6,22,"Ted: So, they found water on Mars. What?"
38133,134,6,22,"Marshall: Listen, um, I hate to go up against my two best friends, but... I really, I really need this right now. I mean, we're, we're cool, right?"
38134,134,6,22,"Barney: Not only do you quit the job I stuck my neck out to get you, now you sabotage the project I'm in charge of? Is this because I brushed Lily's boob with my elbow, the other day?"
38135,134,6,22,Lily: That was on purpose!
38136,134,6,22,Barney: I mean this is really like...
38137,134,6,22,"Marshall: Barney, please..."
38138,134,6,22,Ted from 2030: And thus began an all-out war between Barney and Marshall...
38139,134,6,22,Outside GNB
38140,134,6,22,Delivery Guy: Delivery from Mr. Stinson.
38141,134,6,22,"Zoey: Barney sent us pictures of himself. Oh, God. What's he doing to that megaphone?!"
38142,134,6,22,Marshall: Oh! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
38143,134,6,22,At the Bar
38144,134,6,22,"Ted from 2030: Later, back at the bar... another war was just beginning."
38145,134,6,22,"Lily: Babe, can I get you a drink?"
38146,134,6,22,"Marshall: No, I'm still not... ready to put my mouth on anything yet."
38147,134,6,22,Lily: I know.
38148,134,6,22,Marshall: You know what? Screw this. Game on.
38149,134,6,22,Marshall leaves the booth. A woman comes toward the booth then walks away when she sees that the girls are still there.
38150,134,6,22,Lily: Can you believe this one? Wants our booth. Keeps giving us the walk-by.
38151,134,6,22,Robin: That bitch is not giving us the walk-by.
38152,134,6,22,Lily: The walk-by with the stink eye.
38153,134,6,22,"Robin, in a high-pitched voice: A stink-eye-walk-by?! Aw, hell no! I hope this drink isn't teething, 'cause it's about to get nursed."
38154,134,6,22,Barney is talking to a girl; Marshall approaches.
38155,134,6,22,Marshall: Barney! Your wife just called from the hospital! It's a boy!
38156,134,6,22,Barney: No. I' was... I was...
38157,134,6,22,Ted from 2030: This went on for days.
38158,134,6,22,"Marshall, to the girl Barney is talking to: Congratulations. You're about to be the 250th girl that Barney has slept with."
38159,134,6,22,"Barney: Pfff. Try 283. 250 was months ago. No, no, no. No, I mean, you're totally 250, baby. No, don't. (The girl leaves)"
38160,134,6,22,"Marshall: Oh, bye-bye."
38161,134,6,22,Later...
38162,134,6,22,"Marshall: Mr. Stinson... I had to rush down as soon as I got your results. I'm sorry, but your crabs have super-herpes. (The girl leaves in a hurry)"
38163,134,6,22,"Lily: Oh, boy. Look who's back."
38164,134,6,22,"Robin: Look, Lily, I think this girl wants our seats. Should we leave... or stay here Lionel Richie style ""All Night Long""?"
38165,134,6,22,"Lily: Excuse me waitress, I'll have a mojito! And you'll have a no-seat-ho."
38166,134,6,22,Marshall joins them at the booth; Barney stands next to him.
38167,134,6,22,"Marshall: Ah, yes... the sweet, smoky taste of victory."
38168,134,6,22,Barney: Are you sure it doesn't taste like anything else?
38169,134,6,22,Marshall: That's it!
38170,134,6,22,Marshall catch Barney by his vest.
38171,134,6,22,Barney: Kent! Kent!
38172,134,6,22,"Kent shows a picture to Marshall, who then let Barney go."
38173,134,6,22,"Marshall: Oh, God! Ow... Why would you do that to your own jacket?!"
38174,134,6,22,"Barney: That's what you get, you traitor!"
38175,134,6,22,"Marshall: Oh, really? Really?"
38176,134,6,22,Barney: Yeah. Really.
38177,134,6,22,Marshall: Really. That... what...
38178,134,6,22,"Carl: Okay, enough! You guys are out of here."
38179,134,6,22,Robin: Ejected!
38180,134,6,22,Carl: I meant all of you. You're all banned from the bar. Out!
38181,134,6,22,"Robin: Carl! Oh... This has nothing to do with us. You're totally ridiculous. (The girls stand up and leave the booth; the other girl sits down at their booth) Don't look, baby. Just don't look. Come on."
38182,134,6,22,At the appartment
38183,134,6,22,"Lily: This stupid feud isn't going to end until Marshall and Barney finally talk about their feelings, cry, and then hug it out like they do on Oprah."
38184,134,6,22,"Robin: Man, what are we going to do without her?"
38185,134,6,22,Lily: Oh...
38186,134,6,22,"Robin: Wait, you know what, these guys are not going to get all mushy sober. We need to get these bitches drunk."
38187,134,6,22,"Lily: Yes, but the right kind of drunk. Uh... we should go with something mellow. Maybe red wine?"
38188,134,6,22,"Robin: Oh, I don't know. Red wine has kind of an odd effect on Barney. He reaches a point of sad clarity."
38189,134,6,22,[FLASHBACK]
38190,134,6,22,"All: Ten, nine, eight..."
38191,134,6,22,"Barney: I'm a B-plus. My whole life, I was hoping to be an A, and I'm a B-plus. And I'm okay with that."
38192,134,6,22,All: Happy New Year!
38193,134,6,22,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38194,134,6,22,"Robin: If we want them to open up, I say we go straight-up gin."
38195,134,6,22,Lily: Oh... last time Marshall got gin-drunk was at that douchey bar Barney likes to go to. Marshall almost got in a fight that night.
38196,134,6,22,[FLASHBACK]
38197,134,6,22,"Marshall: Look at this meatball. He's headed right towards me, showing me no respect. Well, if he wants to play chicken, this rooster ain't backing down! Oh. Mirror."
38198,134,6,22,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38199,134,6,22,Lily: How about martinis?
38200,134,6,22,Robin: Absolutely not. I'm not going anywhere near you and a martini.
38201,134,6,22,Lily: Why not?
38202,134,6,22,[FLASHBACK]
38203,134,6,22,"Lily: Ooh... You know what would be stupid? If we made out. That would be so stupid. Hey, I dare you guys to dare us to make out."
38204,134,6,22,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38205,134,6,22,Robin: Every time.
38206,134,6,22,Lily: I only say that because it would be so stupid if we did. So stupid...
38207,134,6,22,Robin: Uh-huh.
38208,134,6,22,"Lily: Oh, yeah? Well... what about you and absinthe?"
38209,134,6,22,[FLASHBACK]
38210,134,6,22,"Marshall: I don't know. We could have water, soda, purple stuff..."
38211,134,6,22,Robin: We're a dream a baby's having. We're a dream a baby's having.
38212,134,6,22,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38213,134,6,22,"Lily: I keep telling you, that didn't happen."
38214,134,6,22,"Robin: It happened, and it changed me. How about daiquiris?"
38215,134,6,22,Lily: Maybe. When Marshall has daiquiris... he gets really into how beautiful he is.
38216,134,6,22,[FLASHBACK]
38217,134,6,22,"Marshall, talking to a mirror: Hey. I dare you guys to dare us to make out."
38218,134,6,22,"Ted: Hey, Marsh, you know that's another mirror, right?"
38219,134,6,22,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38220,134,6,22,Lily: Peppermint schnapps?
38221,134,6,22,Robin: No. Peppermint schnapps turns Barney into Richard Dawson.
38222,134,6,22,Lily: Who?
38223,134,6,22,"Robin: The crazy old host of Family Feud, who greeted women by kissing them on the mouth."
38224,134,6,22,[FLASHBACK]
38225,134,6,22,"Barney: Hey there, darlin'. How you doin'? Ah, is this your sister? Mmm... Beautiful. Mmm..."
38226,134,6,22,"Ted: Hey, where are our chicken wings?"
38227,134,6,22,Barney: Show me chicken wings!
38228,134,6,22,"All: Good order, Ted! Good order!"
38229,134,6,22,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38230,134,6,22,"Ted goes out of his room, and walks toward the entry door."
38231,134,6,22,"Ted: Okay, I'm gonna go pick up Zoey, then we're off. See you Sunday."
38232,134,6,22,"Lily: Oh, wait, Ted. Do you have a specific reaction to any kind of alcohol?"
38233,134,6,22,Ted: Bourbon. When I drink bourbon... I get weirdly good at beatboxing.
38234,134,6,22,[FLASHBACK]
38235,134,6,22,Ted is beatboxing
38236,134,6,22,"Ted: Peace, I'm out."
38237,134,6,22,Everyone is cheering
38238,134,6,22,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38239,134,6,22,"Lily: Yeah, Ted, I hate to tell you, but the bourbon only makes it sound good to you."
38240,134,6,22,[FLASHBACK]
38241,134,6,22,Ted does some mouth noises.
38242,134,6,22,Ted: Peace. I'm out.
38243,134,6,22,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38244,134,6,22,"Ted: You had to take that away from me, didn't you? (He takes a bottle of Bourbon out of his bag and put it on the table)"
38245,134,6,22,"Robin: Well, enjoy Martha's Vineyard. Hopefully by the time you get back, we'll be allowed back into MacLaren's."
38246,134,6,22,Ted: What do you mean?
38247,134,6,22,Lily: Barney and Marshall's feud got us banned from the bar. We lost our booth.
38248,134,6,22,Robin: Stop.
38249,134,6,22,"Ted: Man, how did things get so screwed up?"
38250,134,6,22,Ted from 2030: Of course I knew the answer to that. I was dating her. But I wasn't about to ruin our first big romantic weekend away by bringing up the one topic we agreed was completely off-limits.
38251,134,6,22,
38252,134,6,22,In Ted's car
38253,134,6,22,Ted: You and The Arcadian are ruining my life! What?
38254,134,6,22,Zoey: I thought we weren't talking about...
38255,134,6,22,"Ted: We're talking about this. Look, I can handle you trying to prevent me from fulfilling a life-long dream. That's just being in a relationship. But now? You turn my best friend against me?"
38256,134,6,22,Zoey: Marshall made his own choice. Why aren't you mad at him?
38257,134,6,22,"Ted: Because he's going through a lot right now. He, he's looking for something to believe in, and you took advantage of that. You're, you're just like those Internet swindlers who tricked him into paying 300 bucks for a lock of Sasquatch fur."
38258,134,6,22,"Zoey: You cannot compare The Arcadian to a Ziploc bag full of Turkish armpit hair. The Arcadian is a beautiful, magnificent hotel."
38259,134,6,22,Ted: Okay. You know what? We're settling this once and for all.
38260,134,6,22,Zoey: Okay.
38261,134,6,22,At the bar
38262,134,6,22,Lily: We've cross-referenced every alcohol with Marshall and Barney's reaction. What's the right drink for this situation?
38263,134,6,22,"Robin: Well, they're not talking. They're not even looking at each other. That reminds me of those awkward Sunday dinners with my mom, my dad and his mistress. Families, right?"
38264,134,6,22,Lily: I-I guess. That... seems like a whole other thing. We need a drink that will start a fight.
38265,134,6,22,"A black screen with the word ""Gin"" at the center appears."
38266,134,6,22,Barney: Do you know what I had to do to get you that job?
38267,134,6,22,Marshall: Do you know what I had to do to will myself to show up every day?
38268,134,6,22,"Barney: What, wear a wrinkled suit and not give a damn about what your hair looked like?"
38269,134,6,22,Marshall: I showed up with wet hair once! Once!
38270,134,6,22,"Barney: Oh, my God."
38271,134,6,22,At the Arcadian
38272,134,6,22,"Ted: Well, here we are. I had a reservation at a four-star inn overlooking the ocean but, uh... How can that compete with such a beautiful, magnificent hotel? Welcome to The Arcadian. So here's the deal. If you can last until sunrise in your precious Arcadian, I'll join your side."
38273,134,6,22,Zoey: You're on. This place is fantastic. They even left a chocolate on the pillow.
38274,134,6,22,Ted: That's not a chocolate.
38275,134,6,22,At the bar
38276,134,6,22,"Robin: Okay, now we need to get them something that will make them emotionally vulnerable and completely, pathetically honest."
38277,134,6,22,"Lily: Yeah, we need a drink that, that takes subtext and turns it into text. Yeah."
38278,134,6,22,"A black screen with the word ""Whisky"" at the center appears."
38279,134,6,22,"Marshall: See, ever since the death of my father, I have been drawn to the idea of preservation. That's why The Arcadian speaks to me."
38280,134,6,22,"Barney: Ever since my father walked out on my childhood, I've had serious abandonment issues. You walking out on me like that..."
38281,134,6,22,"Marshall: Oh God, I didn't even think of that..."
38282,134,6,22,"Barney: It made me wonder, ""What could I have done to make him stay?"""
38283,134,6,22,"Marshall: Look, you didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't you, Barney."
38284,134,6,22,Barney: That's what everyone keeps saying but people just keep leaving me.
38285,134,6,22,Robin: Wow. That got real o'clock.
38286,134,6,22,Lily: Yeah. We need to get them up and having fun.
38287,134,6,22,"A black screen with the word ""Daiquiris"" at the center appears."
38288,134,6,22,"Robin: Dance, my puppets, dance!"
38289,134,6,22,Lily: Now do you see why I'm always interfering in other people's lives?
38290,134,6,22,"Robin: Oh, God, totally!"
38291,134,6,22,At the Arcadian
38292,134,6,22,"Zoey: Well, we're here for the night. Might as well have some fun. Dare to join me?"
38293,134,6,22,"Ted: Dust just flew out of that comforter in the shape of a skull. Whoa, something just passed through me. Can you get STDs from the ghost of a prostitute?"
38294,134,6,22,"Ted opens a door, a woman screams."
38295,134,6,22,Ted: What are... What are you doing in our bathroom?
38296,134,6,22,Woman: This bathroom for entire floor!
38297,134,6,22,At the bar
38298,134,6,22,Lily: Okay. Final round. What simple act will get the boys to finally forgive each other?
38299,134,6,22,"Robin: Sharing a brandy. Which is what I walked in on my parents doing once. Brandy was my father's mistress. God, parents. Right?"
38300,134,6,22,"Lily: Again, just a whole other thing, sweetie. Where'd they go? Oh, no. They did shots."
38301,134,6,22,Robin: What? What is it?
38302,134,6,22,Lily smells the inside of a glass
38303,134,6,22,Lily: What's the worst thing they could possibly drink right now?
38304,134,6,22,"A black screen with the word ""Tequila"" at the center appears."
38305,134,6,22,At the Bar
38306,134,6,22,(Barney is hitting on a female biker)
38307,134,6,22,Barney: Your place or mi... Your place or mi... Le-Let's go to your place. Mm.
38308,134,6,22,"Ted from 2030: Kids, don't drink tequila."
38309,134,6,22,At the Arcadian
38310,134,6,22,"Ted: Uh, these were supposed to be for a romantic dinner on our balcony as we were serenaded by the sounds of the ocean. But I guess we'll have to settle for what sounded like two very large men having s*x next door... with a third very small man."
38311,134,6,22,Zoey: I think that small man sounded very moved by The Arcadian's beauty.
38312,134,6,22,"Ted: Okay. What is it? And don't give me, ""It's beautiful."" Don't give me, ""It's magnificent"" What is it about this place that makes you so passionate to save it?"
38313,134,6,22,Zoey: Well... When I was a little girl... my family used to live here.
38314,134,6,22,"Ted: Why, why have you never told me that?"
38315,134,6,22,"Zoey: I never told anyone that. It makes it sound like it would be impossible for me to be objective, but... The truth is, I... I loved growing up here. We had just moved to New York. We were completely broke. But my mom told my sisters and me that The Arcadian was a castle. And we believed her. I know it's not what it used to be... but this building is a part of who I am. And that's why I want so badly for you to like it, too."
38316,134,6,22,"Ted from 2030: Kids, you never forget the first time or place you tell a girl:"
38317,134,6,22,Ted: I love you.
38318,134,6,22,"Zoey: I love you, too."
38319,134,6,22,At the Bar
38320,134,6,22,"Carl: Come on in, you're un-banned. I gave these guys some drinks and they calmed down and made up."
38321,134,6,22,"Robin: Well, what drink finally did the trick?"
38322,134,6,22,"A black screen with the word ""Beer"" at the center appears."
38323,134,6,22,"Robin & Lily: Of course, beer."
38324,134,6,22,Marshall: I love you.
38325,134,6,22,Barney: I love you.
38326,134,6,22,Kent comes in with some pictures. Barney makes signs to make him go away.
38327,134,6,22,"Barney: Uh, no. N-Not right..."
38328,134,6,22,At the Arcadian
38329,134,6,22,"Ted: You know, I guess this place isn't so bad."
38330,134,6,22,"Zoey: See? With a little renovation, we could restore it to its former... What was that?"
38331,134,6,22,Ted: What was what?
38332,134,6,22,Zoey: I think it went under the bed.
38333,134,6,22,Ted: I don't see anything.
38334,134,6,22,"Zoey: That, that was... that!"
38335,134,6,22,"Ted: Oh, my God! It's the cock-a-mouse!"
38336,134,6,22,Zoey: The what?
38337,134,6,22,"Ted: Cock-a-mouse. Part cockroach, part mouse. It used to live in our apartment. It must have settled here, and... Oh! Look, it had babies! Good for it."
38338,134,6,22,Zoey: Ew.... I give up. You win. Let's go!
38339,134,6,22,At the appartment
38340,134,6,22,"Lily: Be well, my friends! Aw, just how we left them."
38341,134,6,22,Robin: Morning. Who wants breakfast?
38342,134,6,22,Barney: You have some coffee? So I can throw it in this traitor's face?
38343,134,6,22,"Marshall: Oh, yeah? Hey! Hey! Do you guys have some pancakes, because I... would really like some pancakes. They're fantastic. Let's be honest, I love them. But I hate this guy!"
38344,134,6,22,Lily: I thought they made up last night.
38345,134,6,22,"Robin: Damn it, I know what happened."
38346,134,6,22,[FLASHBACK]
38347,134,6,22,Marshall: I love you.
38348,134,6,22,"Barney: I love you. Uh, no. N-not right..."
38349,134,6,22,"Lily: Carl, a round of champagne."
38350,134,6,22,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38351,134,6,22,Lily: Ooh! The champagne.
38352,134,6,22,Robin: We gave them one drink too many. They must've blacked out and forgotten the whole thing.
38353,134,6,22,"Barney: What kind of dirtbag doesn't stand by his best friends, but instead sides with some self-righteous bitch with a pointless cause and a megaphone?"
38354,134,6,22,Ted and Zoey come out of Ted's room
38355,134,6,22,"Ted: Dude. That's my girlfriend. And you know what? I'm on her side now, too."
38356,134,6,22,"Barney: Whoa, whoa, you have got to be kidding me. Ted..."
38357,134,6,22,"Robin: Okay, what drink can fix this?"
38358,134,6,22,Lily: Mama's done with this drama. What drink can fix the headache these clowns are giving me?
38359,134,6,22,Robin: I got it.
38360,134,6,22,Later...
38361,134,6,22,Robin and Lily are floating in the air
38362,134,6,22,Robin: Right?
38363,134,6,22,Lily: Time is music the planets make. Music the planets make...
38364,134,6,22,At the Bar
38365,134,6,22,Several women are sitting at the gang's booth.
38366,134,6,22,Woman: What is that?
38367,134,6,22,"Kent arrives with some pictures; after seeing them, the women leaves the booth. Lily and Robin run to the booth with detergeant products."
38368,135,6,23,"Ted from 2030: Kids, this is a story of landmarks. There are certain moments in life when you have to decide which things you can stand to see torn down, and which things you have to preserve, no matter what. Such a moment came for all of us in May of 2011, at a special meeting of the New York City Landmarks Preservation Commission, where the fate of The Arcadian would be decided once and for all."
38369,135,6,23,New York City Landmarks Preservation Commission
38370,135,6,23,"Marshall: A symbol of strength and constancy, the stone lion of The Arcadian has watched over New Yorkers for generations. So remember: if the lion head stonework is regal, then tearing it down should be illegal. Well. Did you like that? All right, uh... We must make sure the lion is always there. Destroy The Arcadian? Oh, no, don't you dare. Yeah? Yeah? Okay. Try this one on for size... If you want New York's history at your beck and call..."
38371,135,6,23,"Chairman: All right, thank you, Mr. Eriksen."
38372,135,6,23,Marshall: I just have...
38373,135,6,23,"Chairman: We will now hear from the architect of the proposed GNB Tower, Ted Mosby. Now, uh, Mr. Mosby, let's just cut right to the chase. Do you think The Arcadian should be a landmark?...Okay, it's killing me. What rhymes with ""beck and call?"""
38374,135,6,23,Marshall: Wrecking ball. Don't go swinging no wrecking ball.
38375,135,6,23,Audience: Ah...
38376,135,6,23,Marshall: Thank you.
38377,135,6,23,[OPENING CREDITS]
38378,135,6,23,"Chairman: Mr. Mosby, do you think The Arcadian should be a landmark? It's not a difficult question."
38379,135,6,23,"Ted from 2030: Actually, it a difficult question. Of course, had he asked me a few days earlier, I would have immediately said..."
38380,135,6,23,[Two days earlier...]
38381,135,6,23,"Ted: ""Yes. The Arcadian should be a landmark."" And then the crowd gasps: ""Oh, my God! Did he really just say that? Oh, heavens! Oh, my stars! I must clutch my pearls!"""
38382,135,6,23,Zoey: So these things are generally attended by old Southern ladies?
38383,135,6,23,"Ted: Almost exclusively. But here's my point: If they ask GNB's chief architect... aka me... if The Arcadian should be a landmark, and I say ""yes""?"
38384,135,6,23,"Zoey: That, no, that wasn't The Arcadian being destroyed; that was GNB's hopes of destroying The Arcadian."
38385,135,6,23,"Marshall: I'm sorry, I should have been more clear."
38386,135,6,23,Zoey: Yeah. The Arcadian's gonna be all like...
38387,135,6,23,Marshall: Nice.
38388,135,6,23,Robin: I have a message from Barney.
38389,135,6,23,Ted from 2030: Things between Barney and the rest of us had gotten a little frosty. First this happened.
38390,135,6,23,Zoey: Meet the new lawyer I hired to help save The Arcadian.
38391,135,6,23,Ted from 2030: And then this happened.
38392,135,6,23,"Zoey: What kind of dirtbag doesn't stand by his best friends, but instead, sides with some self-righteous bitch with a pointless cause and a megaphone?!"
38393,135,6,23,"Ted: Dude! That's my girlfriend. And ya know what? I'm on her side now, too."
38394,135,6,23,Ted from 2030: Which led to this happening.
38395,135,6,23,"Zoey: Message from Barney? That's my cue to leave. Good night, guys. I love you."
38396,135,6,23,"Ted: Mmm. Love you, too."
38397,135,6,23,"Lily: All right, what's the message? 'Cause if it's another hypothetical yet eerily accurate drawing of my boobs..."
38398,135,6,23,"Robin: Yeah, I have that, too."
38399,135,6,23,Lily: Damn it.
38400,135,6,23,"Robin: All right, here's the message. (clears throat, then reads Barney's note) ""Oh, hey, guys. Didn't see you there. I was too busy feelin' fine and..."" Really? ""Feelin' fine and gettin' some 'jine. You may have noticed the giant plate of hot wings in front of me. I know how much you love hot wings. Too bad someone bribed the kitchen to take them off the menu tonight. So, if you want some, you're going to have to come back to GNB. But hurry, this offer will be gone lickety-split. (Barney licks his hot wings peace by peace then throws them down) Do evil laugh."" Oh, um... (makes a poor impression of Barney's laugh) So, what are you turds up to?"
38401,135,6,23,"Marshall: Oh, we've got the big LPC meeting in two days. I have my whole presentation worked out. I just need to find a good rhyme to end on."
38402,135,6,23,Ted: Why does it need to rhyme?
38403,135,6,23,"Marshall: If you end an argument with a rhyme, it's convincing all the time."
38404,135,6,23,"Lily: Yeah. It's why in our apartment: If you're a-hopin' to score, don't leave your socks on the floor."
38405,135,6,23,Marshall: And she hasn't since.
38406,135,6,23,"Barney: Okay, okay. A couple of things. Lily, how'd I do?"
38407,135,6,23,Marshall: Nailed it.
38408,135,6,23,"Barney: Secondly, Ted, I'm sorry I said mean things about Zoey. Are you really going to walk away from this project just because you're mad at me?"
38409,135,6,23,"Ted: It's not because I'm mad at you. Barney, The Arcadian was designed by a guy named John Clifford Larrabee. And even though he's been dead for half a century, it's my duty, architect to architect, to keep his work alive. Please tell me a little part of you understands."
38410,135,6,23,Barney: I understand. Zoey has magic lady bits.
38411,135,6,23,Ted: What?
38412,135,6,23,"Barney: Zoey's lady bits... are magic, and that's how she controls your mind. You see, every few hundred millennia, lady bits leap forward..."
38413,135,6,23,"Lily: I know you're only just getting started, but this is already gross."
38414,135,6,23,Barney: I once knew such a girl.
38415,135,6,23,[FLASHBACK]
38416,135,6,23,Barney: It was last call. In this very bar.
38417,135,6,23,"Later...Barney and the girl from the bar are in bed, the girl is texting something on her phone..."
38418,135,6,23,Barney: What...?! No... What?!...No... What?!
38419,135,6,23,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38420,135,6,23,"Robin: Um... thank you for, um, not using a first name in that story."
38421,135,6,23,"Ted: Barney, this is about the building."
38422,135,6,23,Barney: Come on. This is so about the girl.
38423,135,6,23,"Ted: Okay, fine. It's about the girl! I am doing this for Zoey! I'm in love with her. Look, I know it's early, but there is a very good chance Zoey might be the mother of my children. So, in addition to doing this for John Clifford Larrabee, I'm also doing this for Luke and Leia."
38424,135,6,23,Lily: Wait. She's gonna let you name your kids Luke and Leia?
38425,135,6,23,"Ted: Not if I knock down her favorite building, she isn't. Barney, I'm sorry."
38426,135,6,23,"Barney: Oh, you're not sorry now, Ted Mosby. But you will be. You... will... be. (laughing harder and louder) That's how you do an evil laugh. Ciao for now."
38427,135,6,23,"Ted from 2030: Now, kids, you remember Arthur Hobbs, Barney and Marshall's old boss at GNB? Well, Arthur was going through a divorce and taking it kind of hard."
38428,135,6,23,[FLASHBACK]
38429,135,6,23,"Barney: Hi, Arthur. Everything okay?"
38430,135,6,23,"Arthur: No, everything's not okay. My stupid wife got custody of Tugboat. God, I should have kept her hidden in a cage in the basement."
38431,135,6,23,Barney: Isn't that animal cruelty?
38432,135,6,23,Arthur: I'm talking about my wife.
38433,135,6,23,"Barney: Oh. That's fine, then. So listen, you know Ted, the architect?"
38434,135,6,23,"Arthur: Yeah, I know your friend Ted."
38435,135,6,23,"Barney: So, if Ted stood up at that big meeting tomorrow and said that he thought The Arcadian should be a landmark... You wouldn't just fire him, would you? (laughing uncomfortably) Right? You wouldn't just... You wouldn't just... yeah..."
38436,135,6,23,"Arthur: No, Barney. I wouldn't just fire him. I'd also fire you."
38437,135,6,23,Barney: Come again for Big Fudge?
38438,135,6,23,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38439,135,6,23,"Barney: Can you believe that?! I can't be unemployed, Robin! My job is my identity; It's who I am. It gives me the confidence I need to convince girls I'm a fighter pilot."
38440,135,6,23,Robin: I-I don't understand. Why would he fire you?
38441,135,6,23,[FLASHBACK]
38442,135,6,23,In Arthur's office at GNB
38443,135,6,23,Barney: I don't understand. Why would you fire me?
38444,135,6,23,Arthur: Have you already forgotten how Mosby got that job?
38445,135,6,23,Barney: By being the best architect available?
38446,135,6,23,Arthur: No.
38447,135,6,23,Barney: By... being Latino?
38448,135,6,23,Arthur: No. Let me refresh your memory. We were in this very room.
38449,135,6,23,[FLASHBACK]
38450,135,6,23,"Barney: Guys, I'm telling you, if Ted Mosby isn't fantastic, fire me."
38451,135,6,23,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38452,135,6,23,Barney: Damn it! I was kidding?
38453,135,6,23,[FLASHBACK]
38454,135,6,23,"Barney: I'm not kidding! Oh, by the way, Arthur, uh, how are things with you and your wife?"
38455,135,6,23,"Arthur: Really good. In fact, I just put all my assets in her name. Smartest thing I've ever done."
38456,135,6,23,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38457,135,6,23,Both: Damn it!
38458,135,6,23,"Arthur: No, you'd better make sure Mosby doesn't screw up tomorrow. Because either that building is going down, or you're going down."
38459,135,6,23,[END OF LASHBACK]
38460,135,6,23,At the appartment
38461,135,6,23,Ted: They're going to fire him? That sucks. He loves that job.
38462,135,6,23,Marshall: And he's been doing it for years.
38463,135,6,23,"Lily: Okay, what does Barney do at GNB?"
38464,135,6,23,Ted: No idea.
38465,135,6,23,Marshall: He has a lot of keys.
38466,135,6,23,"Robin: Okay, Ted, can you just please think about this before you..."
38467,135,6,23,Ted: There's nothing to think about. I-I can't lose Zoey. That's the only thing that matters to me right now.
38468,135,6,23,"Robin: Okay, Ted... you know I love Zoey. But, look, sometimes... I go play chess in the park. And the key to chess... Okay, I play online. But the key to chess... Okay, it's Angry Birds! But the key to Angry Birds is to always try to see every possible outcome. And to... hit some pigs with rocks or something. I don't know; I don't play. I can't get it to download. The point is, this thing with you and Zoey? I can see it going three possible ways. There's the first scenario."
38469,135,6,23,[ROBIN'S FIRST SCENARIO]
38470,135,6,23,Robin: The chairman asks you...
38471,135,6,23,Chairman: Do you think The Arcadian should be a landmark?
38472,135,6,23,Robin: You say...
38473,135,6,23,Ted: No.
38474,135,6,23,Robin: And Zoey dumps you on the spot.
38475,135,6,23,Zoey: We're done here.
38476,135,6,23,[END OF ROBIN'S FIRST SCENARIO]
38477,135,6,23,Robin: There's the second scenario.
38478,135,6,23,[ROBIN'S SECOND SCENARIO]
38479,135,6,23,Robin: The chairman asks you...
38480,135,6,23,Chairman: Do you think The Arcadian should be a landmark?
38481,135,6,23,Robin: You say...
38482,135,6,23,Ted: Yes
38483,135,6,23,"Robin: And you're happy for, like, a second, until you realize the building you helped save has just become a monument to everything this woman made you give up, and you resent her for it, so much so, in fact, that you dump her."
38484,135,6,23,Ted: We're done here.
38485,135,6,23,[END OF ROBIN'S SENCOND SCENARIO]
38486,135,6,23,Ted: You said there was a third scenario.
38487,135,6,23,Robin: Right.
38488,135,6,23,[ROBIN'S THIRD SCENARIO]
38489,135,6,23,Robin: The chairman asks you...
38490,135,6,23,Chairman: Do you think The Arcadian should be a landmark?
38491,135,6,23,Robin: But before you can answer...You're hit in the neck with a blow dart fired by the ninja Zoey's ex-husband hired to assassinate you.
38492,135,6,23,[END OF ROBIN'S THIRD SCENARIO]
38493,135,6,23,Robin: That one's less likely. What I'm saying... what I hate saying... is this. You and Zoey are gonna break up. But you can still save your career and Barney's.
38494,135,6,23,"Ted: Okay, first of all, no ninja's getting a jump on me. I have the reflexes of a jungle... (Robin slaps him by surprise)"
38495,135,6,23,Lily: Tree?
38496,135,6,23,"Ted: Second of all, I don't care that the odds are stacked against us. I'd rather try to make this work with Zoey than spend the rest of my life alone playing Angry Birds, which, by the way, I've shown you how to download, like, 20 times."
38497,135,6,23,"Lily: I've got to say, I'm with Ted on this."
38498,135,6,23,Ted: Thank you.
38499,135,6,23,"Lily: I mean, yes, this is a huge, divisive issue for them. Which means no matter what happens, there's gonna be a lot of resentment. Probably lasting for years... infecting every single moment of the rest of their relationship. So, in conclusion, I'm with Robin on this."
38500,135,6,23,Robin: Thank you.
38501,135,6,23,"Ted from 2030: That night, as I slept soundly..."
38502,135,6,23,
38503,135,6,23,In Ted's bedroom
38504,135,6,23,"(A man looking very much like Barney in a renting old costume and brown hair, appears in Ted's bedroom)"
38505,135,6,23,"Ted: Barney, what are you doing?"
38506,135,6,23,"Ghost: Who is this Barney? My name is John Clifford Larrabee, architect of The Arcadian. And I am visiting you in a dream..."
38507,135,6,23,Ted: Really? 'Cause it feels more like my insane friend renting a costume and breaking into my apartment in the middle of the night for what I wish I could say was the first time.
38508,135,6,23,"Ghost: Look, it's a dream, it is. So just... okay? Theodore... heed my words: do not try to save The Arcadian."
38509,135,6,23,"Ted: Barney, there's condoms in the drawer. Just take them and get out."
38510,135,6,23,"Ghost, shouting dramatically: I am not... Barney..."
38511,135,6,23,(The lights twinkle)
38512,135,6,23,Ted: Whoa! Lighting change!
38513,135,6,23,"Ghost: Theodore, you know The Arcadian is a badly built, architecturally unimportant rat's nest designed by an overpaid, plagiarizing ether addict with two thumbs. This guy."
38514,135,6,23,"Ted: Okay, yes, it's-it's a terrible building, but... does that mean we have to knock it down? I mean, it's not bothering anyone. Just anyone who lives in it... Or looks at it... Or smells it."
38515,135,6,23,"Ghost: New York is never finished, Theodore. She's a lady only a handful of architects ever get to dance with. Do not miss your turn."
38516,135,6,23,"Ted: The Arcadian has to go, doesn't it?"
38517,135,6,23,Ghost: Indeed.
38518,135,6,23,Ted: You realize this kind of screws up my personal life.
38519,135,6,23,"Ghost: Mo' buildings, mo' problems."
38520,135,6,23,"Ted: This is a dream, right? Because, Barney, I swear to God, if that's you..."
38521,135,6,23,"(The ghost snaps his fingers, then transforms itself into Ted's mother)"
38522,135,6,23,"Ghost: Mommy's got Magic Lady Bits, Ted."
38523,135,6,23,"Ted, panting: Dream! Dream! It was just a dream. (He takes his breath again, then phones Zoey) Hey. I know it's late, but, uh... you want to meet up?"
38524,135,6,23,Outside the Arcadian
38525,135,6,23,"Zoey: Hello, Mr. Lion."
38526,135,6,23,"Ted: ""Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair"""""
38527,135,6,23,"Zoey: Hey, I met you right...(laughs)...here."
38528,135,6,23,Ted: Right. And I mistook you for a prostitute right... here.
38529,135,6,23,"Zoey: As far as you know, I still could be one. And you, my good man, have run up quite a tab."
38530,135,6,23,Ted: Worth every penny.
38531,135,6,23,Zoey: All right... this was fun. I'm gonna take this cab. Big day tomorrow. We need to get some sleep. And yet...
38532,135,6,23,"Ted: No, we should get some sleep. But this was fun."
38533,135,6,23,Zoey: Yeah. It's nice getting one last look to remember what we're trying to save.
38534,135,6,23,Ted: Exactly.
38535,135,6,23,Zoey: You okay?
38536,135,6,23,Ted: Yeah. Good night.
38537,135,6,23,At the Landmark Commission
38538,135,6,23,"Chairman: Mr. Mosby, I'm going to ask you one last time. Should The Arcadian be a landmark?"
38539,135,6,23,"Ted: No, it shouldn't be a landmark. There are a lot of important buildings in New York. The Arcadian isn't one of them."
38540,135,6,23,"Zoey: E-Excuse me, I have a question for Mr. Mosby. If he doesn't think The Arcadian's worth saving, then whose voice is this? (She plays a recorder)"
38541,135,6,23,"Ted, on recorder: The Arcadian should be a landmark. It should. The lion head stonework is iconic. I hate working for GNB. They're a bunch of... wieners and gonads."
38542,135,6,23,"Chairman: Is that your voice, Mr. Mosby?"
38543,135,6,23,"Ted: Yeah, that's me."
38544,135,6,23,At the Bar
38545,135,6,23,"Ted: This is a nightmare. I can't believe she kept that tape. The LPC's gonna come back with a decision tomorrow, and based on today..."
38546,135,6,23,Robin: They're gonna landmark the hell out of that place.
38547,135,6,23,Ted: Yeah.
38548,135,6,23,"Barney: We'll end up out of a job, all thanks to some stupid, only sort of awesome lion head."
38549,135,6,23,"Marshall: Better get used to that lion head. As of tomorrow, it's gonna be there till the end of times. And all because of my sweet, sweet rhymes."
38550,135,6,23,Ted: What are we gonna do? We should buy a bar.
38551,135,6,23,Barney: We should totally buy a bar!
38552,135,6,23,Marshall: We should absolutely totally buy a bar!
38553,135,6,23,Robin: It's really the only sensible idea right now.
38554,135,6,23,"Marshall: Oh, oh, and ready? It's a theme bar. It's a courtroom."
38555,135,6,23,Ted: Yes! Where the bartenders wear sexy judges' robes.
38556,135,6,23,Marshall: I'll allow it!
38557,135,6,23,"Barney: The only court where you show up, then get served."
38558,135,6,23,Robin: Ho! You're judged by a jury of your beers.
38559,135,6,23,Ted: That's not bad.
38560,135,6,23,Lily: Just stop it! No one's buying a bar. Right now we have a little problem. Let's just think of a solution.
38561,135,6,23,"Ted: Lily, it's over. The good guys lost."
38562,135,6,23,"Marshall: I don't know, homegirl is pretty diabolical. If there is a plan that'll get us out of this, it's somewhere inside this butter churn. She'll think of it. I'm just gonna sit here... and watch it happen. (Lily starts to jiggle) And she's got it! Lily, what's the plan?"
38563,135,6,23,"Barney: Oh, this ought to be good."
38564,135,6,23,Ted from 2030: And then Lily told us her plan.
38565,135,6,23,"Barney: Oh, this is good!"
38566,135,6,23,Ted: We have to find Arthur right now.
38567,135,6,23,In the street
38568,135,6,23,"Arthur: What is so difficult about this?! Tugboat figured this out in, like, five minutes. This is bush league!"
38569,135,6,23,"Barney: Hey, Arthur!"
38570,135,6,23,"Robin: Oh, cute dog!"
38571,135,6,23,"Arthur: No! Tugboat, my other dog, that was a cute dog. This little disappointment is nothing but a cheap facsimile. I said it! Yeah, my love is reserved for dogs that go to the bathroom on command instead of wasting my time!"
38572,135,6,23,"Barney: Listen, Arthur, Marshall's wife has an idea for how we can save, not saving The Arcadian."
38573,135,6,23,"Arthur: Oh, his wife has an idea. Let me tell you about wives, okay? They leave you and take your best friend with them. You're not Tugboat! You'll never be Tugboat!"
38574,135,6,23,"Barney: Uh... Hey, Arthur?"
38575,135,6,23,Arthur: I guess this one's kind of cute or whatever. So... so what's the idea?
38576,135,6,23,"Lily: Okay, first hear my demands. One, Ted and Barney keep their jobs. Two, when you guys do finally blow up The Arcadian, one of them gets to push the button."
38577,135,6,23,Barney and Ted: Dibs.
38578,135,6,23,Arthur: Fine! What's the idea?
38579,135,6,23,Lily: Well...
38580,135,6,23,"Ted from 2030: Kids, for legal reasons, I have to skip this part of the story and jump ahead to the next night, as the Landmarks Preservation Commission gave their verdict."
38581,135,6,23,Landmarks Preservation Commission
38582,135,6,23,"Chairman: Last night, this committee took a vote, and while we have all felt from the very beginning that The Arcadian is, well, an eyesore... Mr. Mosby's surprising testimony about the lion's head stonework left us no choice but to declare it... a landmark. But then, something else happened last night. That same lion's head stonework...disappeared. So... that makes our job a little easier. Motion denied."
38583,135,6,23,"(preservationists groan, GNB people applaud and cheer)"
38584,135,6,23,Ted: Zoey... Zoey!
38585,135,6,23,"Zoey: All right, what do you have to say for yourself?"
38586,135,6,23,Ted: I don't know. Sometimes... things have to fall apart to make way for better things.
38587,135,6,23,Zoey: We're done here.
38588,135,6,23,Ted's appartment / Barney's appartment
38589,135,6,23,(Ted and Barney are on the phone)
38590,135,6,23,"Ted: Okay, you don't have to hold back anymore. You may now say what you really think of Zoey."
38591,135,6,23,"Barney: I don't know, she may have been right about that lion's head. It gave The Arcadian a regal elegance. Then again, it goes really nice with my duvet. (He takes out a normal size screw driver) I hope I used the right screws."
38592,136,6,24,"Ted from 2030: Kids, in the spring of 2011, Zoey and I broke up. But the good news: Goliath National Bank was finally ready to demolish The Arcadian and build the new headquarters I'd designed for them. (A committee, including Ted holding a big pair of scissors, is standing behind a red ruban. Ted is going to cut it, when a very happy Barney arrives with a bigger pair of scissors and cut the ruban before Ted can) The only problem was... I kept butting heads with my project supervisor on one very important issue."
38593,136,6,24,At the Bar
38594,136,6,24,Ted: I want to press the button to blow up The Arcadian!
38595,136,6,24,Barney: I want to press it!
38596,136,6,24,Ted: I want to press it!
38597,136,6,24,Barney: I want to press it!
38598,136,6,24,"Robin: Guys, I dated you both, and neither of you is good at pressing or even finding the button. After some awkward pawing around, that building's going to fake an implosion, say, ""Baby, that was great"""" and go to sleep."
38599,136,6,24,"Both Ted and Barney, at the same time: She means you. I want to press it! I'm gonna press it!"
38600,136,6,24,"Robin: It's just a button, okay? Can we just talk about something else, please?"
38601,136,6,24,"Ted: Well, I ran into Zoey yesterday."
38602,136,6,24,Robin: That's the first time since the breakup. How's she doing?
38603,136,6,24,[FLASHBACK]
38604,136,6,24,"Zoey: I'm still unemployed, so I had to get a couple roommates."
38605,136,6,24,Ted: Saving money. Making new friends. No downside.
38606,136,6,24,"Zoey: They're all 22 and sell drugs. Which means they're not taking them. So, that's a win."
38607,136,6,24,"Ted: Well, I can tell you're really busy so I should... I'll let you go."
38608,136,6,24,Zoey: Hey. You want to get coffee sometime?
38609,136,6,24,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38610,136,6,24,"Robin: You know that ""coffee"" is code for ""I want to get back together"" right?"
38611,136,6,24,"Ted: Well, at first I wasn't sure, but then she said something that got me thinking."
38612,136,6,24,[FLASHBACK]
38613,136,6,24,Zoey: I want to get back together.
38614,136,6,24,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38615,136,6,24,"Ted: Don't worry, we're not. I just, I feel bad Zoey's having such a hard time."
38616,136,6,24,"Barney: You know what might... make you feel better, buddy?"
38617,136,6,24,Ted: I'm not letting you press the button.
38618,136,6,24,Barney: I want to press the button!
38619,136,6,24,Ted: You're not pressing the button! It's my button!
38620,136,6,24,"Ted from 2030: Sadly, that's all you need to know about my summer. Now, around this time, Uncle Marshall was still having a tough time finding a job."
38621,136,6,24,At a soup traitor
38622,136,6,24,"(Lily and Robin are waiting to take order. The place looks really filthy, there's even a cat standing near the food)"
38623,136,6,24,"Lily: He's out printing out a whole new batch of résumés because he misspelled the phrase ""detail-oriented."" And when he gets back home, he is going to find his favorite soup there waiting for him."
38624,136,6,24,"Robin: Oh, that's sweet, Lil, but didn't you guys get food poisoning here one time?"
38625,136,6,24,"Lily: Three times. But they're really nice about it. Their policy is, ""Get sick, get a free gallon of soup""."
38626,136,6,24,"Ted from 2030: And so, Lily dropped off Marshall's surprise soup and headed back to work to introduce the new class pet."
38627,136,6,24,In Lily's class
38628,136,6,24,"Lily: This is Mr. Buttons 2. Now, after what happened to Mr. Buttons 1, we have to be very gentle with... (Lily throws up onto Mr. Buttons 2. She leaves the shool, running to her apartment in order to stop Marshall from eating the soup) Marshall! Don't eat the soup! Oh, thank God."
38629,136,6,24,Marshall: This was about to be my third bowl. Why shouldn't I eat the soup? Why shouldn't I eat the soup?
38630,136,6,24,[OPENING CREDITS]
38631,136,6,24,At the Bar
38632,136,6,24,"Robin: Hey, Mr. Architect, big day for you tomorrow, huh?"
38633,136,6,24,Barney: Yeah. Getting to stand next to me while I press the button. That is going to be legend... wait for it...dary adjacent. Legendary adjacent!
38634,136,6,24,Robin: You okay?
38635,136,6,24,Ted: Yeah... no. This morning I was talking to the foreman.
38636,136,6,24,[FLASHBACK]
38637,136,6,24,"Foreman: Hey, hotshot."
38638,136,6,24,"Ted: You know, Rod, um, I'm loving that nickname, and I can tell it's totally affectionate, but, uh, I'd prefer Ted."
38639,136,6,24,"Rod: Yeah, but you're such a hotshot, I figured I'd just call you hotshot. Pick one. And make sure you like it. There's going to be 50,000 of these in your big, hotshot building, hotshot."
38640,136,6,24,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38641,136,6,24,"Ted: 50,000 lightbulbs! What if this one's too bright? What if this one flickers and gives everyone a weird headache? Do you know how many people it takes to change 50,000 lightbulbs?"
38642,136,6,24,"Barney: Are these people Irish, Polish, blondes... what are we dealing with here?"
38643,136,6,24,Ted: There's just-- there's so many decisions to be made. What if I make all the wrong ones and my building just sucks?
38644,136,6,24,Barney: Not possible. Your building is new. And I have one rule: New is always better.
38645,136,6,24,Ted: You can't keep saying you have one rule if they're always different rules.
38646,136,6,24,"Barney: Ah, but ""new is always better"" is my oldest rule, which makes it the best."
38647,136,6,24,(Marshall arrives; he's not looking very good)
38648,136,6,24,"Ted: Hi, Marsh."
38649,136,6,24,"Barney: Oh, hey, buddy."
38650,136,6,24,Robin: Hey. Everything okay?
38651,136,6,24,"Marshall: Lily got food poisoning from some soup. And then I ate the soup exactly three hours later. Which means I can see exactly three hours into my future, and it... doesn't... look... good. I tried to be supportive."
38652,136,6,24,[FLASHBACK]
38653,136,6,24,"(In the bathroom, Lily is throwing up into the toilettes. Marshall is standing near.)"
38654,136,6,24,"Lily: Oh, baby, can you just hold me, please?"
38655,136,6,24,"Marshall: Of course, baby. (He hesitates, then put one finger onto her back)"
38656,136,6,24,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38657,136,6,24,"Marshall: But it doesn't help it that when Lily gets going; she sounds like a velociraptor from Jurassic Park. But then I realized a man can do a lot of living in three hours. So, I'm out experiencing this beautiful, crazy dance called life. Ah, my last meal. MacClaren's famous jalapeno poppers. My doctor says I need to eat healthier, so I figured the round-trip flight these babies are about to take will land them permanently on the no-fry list. Good-bye, my friend. It's been a hell of a ride. I have to..."
38658,136,6,24,At Marshall and Lily's apartment
38659,136,6,24,"Marshall: Hey, babe. The gang says feel better."
38660,136,6,24,"Lily: Mm. Thanks. Wait, you didn't tell them I had food poisoning, did you?"
38661,136,6,24,"Marshall: Um, I..."
38662,136,6,24,"Lily: Marshall, when it's stomach stuff, you just say ""under the weather,"" or people start picturing you doing unspeakable things."
38663,136,6,24,Marshall: I know. I just said that you had the sniffles. No one is picturing anything but little red-nosed you under a blankie with some hot tea.
38664,136,6,24,At the Bar
38665,136,6,24,Barney: I wonder what end it's coming out of Lily right now.
38666,136,6,24,Robin: I bet it's her tushie.
38667,136,6,24,"Barney: I bet it's both. Hey, speaking of explosions... enough already, Ted! That button's mine!"
38668,136,6,24,"Ted, while texting on his phone: Yeah, fine, okay."
38669,136,6,24,"Barney: I got you this job, so I... Say what?"
38670,136,6,24,Ted: Whatever. It's yours. I gotta run. (Ted leaves the Bar)
38671,136,6,24,Barney: You...
38672,136,6,24,At Marshall and Lily's apartment
38673,136,6,24,"Marshall, picking up his phone: Hello?... Yes, it is. (To Lily) It's Bloom, Greenberg and Associates. They want me to come interview. (Lily throws up) I know it's risky to go, but this is the best environmental law firm in New York. It's my dream job. (Lily throws up) That's a great idea, babe. I'll ask them. (In his phone) Hey, is it at all possible, could I come in on Monday?... Okay, I'll, I'll see you at 5:00. (Marshall hangs up) Thank you. I love and believe in you, too, baby."
38674,136,6,24,At the Bar
38675,136,6,24,"Robin: Why would Ted just give up the button like that? And he forgot his phone. ""See you in an hour."""
38676,136,6,24,Barney: Who's that from?
38677,136,6,24,Robin: Zoey. They're meeting for coffee. Ted's getting back together with her!
38678,136,6,24,(Later)
38679,136,6,24,Barney: Why would Ted get back together with Zoey? He's doing great.
38680,136,6,24,"Robin: After a breakup, we all think we're doing great. Sometimes the tiniest trigger can unravel you and send you crawling right back."
38681,136,6,24,"Barney: No, I refuse to believe that Ted is getting back with Zoey because of lightbulbs."
38682,136,6,24,"Robin: Uh, Ted's gone back for less."
38683,136,6,24,[FLASHBACKS]
38684,136,6,24,(Ted runs out of whipped cream. He picks his phone and calls someone.)
38685,136,6,24,"Ted: Hi, Natalie. You want to get coffee sometime?"
38686,136,6,24,"(""Dated another three months"" appears onto the screen)"
38687,136,6,24,"(Ted, suffering from a heavy sunburn, is trying to put some cream onto his skin, but can't seem to reach his back)"
38688,136,6,24,Ted: Bro.
38689,136,6,24,"Barney: Ted, I only have one rule."
38690,136,6,24,"Ted: But I can't reach the worst part. (He picks his phone and calls someone) Hi, Karen. Want to get coffee sometime?"
38691,136,6,24,"(""Dated another nine months"" appears onto the screen)"
38692,136,6,24,
38693,136,6,24,(Ted is watching TV)
38694,136,6,24,TV
38695,136,6,24,"announcer: Coming up next, our two local pandas, Ming Ming and Bao Bao, are expecting a baby."
38696,136,6,24,"Ted: Robin, you want to get coffee sometime...?"
38697,136,6,24,"Robin: Get it together, bro."
38698,136,6,24,[END OF FLASHBACKS]
38699,136,6,24,At Marshall and Lily's apartment
38700,136,6,24,"Marshall: According to my calculations, at 6:00 p.m., my body is gonna pay out like the most disgusting slot machine in the world. That gives me two hours to go do the interview and still get back in time."
38701,136,6,24,"Lily: Oh, but, baby, what if you hit the jackpot early?"
38702,136,6,24,Marshall: Don't worry. I'll be prepared.
38703,136,6,24,"(Marshall puts some knee-caps on, put plastic sheets inside his case.)"
38704,136,6,24,"Neighbor: I'm talking your ear off, sorry. Is there anything I can do for you, sweetie?"
38705,136,6,24,Marshall: Can... I... borrow... an adult diaper?
38706,136,6,24,At the Bar
38707,136,6,24,Barney: We've got to stop Ted. Where are they meeting?
38708,136,6,24,"Robin: Okay, Zoey wrote, ""Meet me at 6:00, where it all began, where you gave me the orchid at the intersection."""
38709,136,6,24,"Barney: Well, that's good. All we have to do is think back to the time Ted told us about his first date with Zoey."
38710,136,6,24,[FLASHBACK]
38711,136,6,24,Ted: Amazing first date with Zoey! We met at the intersection... (The rest is unintelligible)
38712,136,6,24,"Robin: Aw, that's sweet."
38713,136,6,24,[END OF FLASHBACK]
38714,136,6,24,Barney: You weren't listening either?
38715,136,6,24,"Robin: I was in a coma. I mean, who pays attention to that sappy romantic crap?"
38716,136,6,24,Barney and Robin: Lily!
38717,136,6,24,At Marshall and Lily's apartment
38718,136,6,24,"Lily: Yeah, I wasn't listening, either. Ted really can go on about a bitch."
38719,136,6,24,Robin: Great. He could be anywhere. We're flat out of clues.
38720,136,6,24,"Lily: Hey, wait. Ted left a message. I could hear it 'cause I was in the bathroom... blowing my nose... I have the sniffles."
38721,136,6,24,(Lily plays the voice mail left earlier by Ted.)
38722,136,6,24,"Ted's voice: Hey, Lily, hope you're feeling better. Marshall told us you're exploding from both ends like a busted fire hydrant."
38723,136,6,24,"Lily: Damn it, Marshall."
38724,136,6,24,"Ted's voice: Anyway, listen, I was going to get back together with Zoey today, but I came to my senses on the way out here, so... False alarm... Oh, crap. Just stepped in some gum. I'm getting back together with Zoey!"
38725,136,6,24,"Robin: Okay, we're never gonna find him."
38726,136,6,24,"Lily: Wait, wait, wait. That's was a subway announcement in the background. I speak conductor."
38727,136,6,24,Ted's
38728,136,6,24,"voice: Hey, Lily, hope you're feeling better. Marshall told us..."
38729,136,6,24,Lily: Got it. Ted's at... (Lily runs to the bathroom and throws up) Oh... Ted's at Smith and Ninth Street.
38730,136,6,24,Barney: That's the intersection.
38731,136,6,24,Robin: That's in Brooklyn. How are we ever gonna get there in time?
38732,136,6,24,Barney: Way ahead of ya.
38733,136,6,24,Outside the apartment
38734,136,6,24,(Ranjit arrives with his car)
38735,136,6,24,Ranjit: Hello!
38736,136,6,24,"At Bloom, Greenberg and Associates"
38737,136,6,24,Man: Marshall. Jake Bloom. Great to meet you.
38738,136,6,24,"Marshall: Hello, hi."
38739,136,6,24,"Jake: Hey. Oh, I'm sorry about the stench. We're suing a factory that's been dumping raw sewage into a local marshland. Yeah, ten minutes ago, I was knee-deep in liquefied human feces. And that was just on the F train."
38740,136,6,24,In Ranjit's car
38741,136,6,24,Robin: I can't believe Ted's getting back together with Zoey.
38742,136,6,24,Barney: I know. They're a total train wreck.
38743,136,6,24,Robin: Unmitigated disaster.
38744,136,6,24,Ranjit: Worst couple ever.
38745,136,6,24,"Barney: Yeah, almost as bad as us."
38746,136,6,24,"Robin: We were a mess. Do you remember how awful I looked by the end? My hair was falling out, my skin was gray, my back was hunched."
38747,136,6,24,"Barney: What about me? I got so fat, at the end of a date, you'd unhook my bra."
38748,136,6,24,Robin: You were the only boyfriend I ever motorboated.
38749,136,6,24,"Barney: Thank God we're not sentimental saps who panic and get back together. Seriously, why would people do that?"
38750,136,6,24,Robin: I guess I get it.
38751,136,6,24,Barney: What do you mean?
38752,136,6,24,"Robin: Well, no matter how bad things got... Ted really did love Zoey for a minute there. Didn't he?"
38753,136,6,24,"Barney: Yeah... he did. And... she loved him, too. Didn't she?"
38754,136,6,24,"Robin: Yeah, she did."
38755,136,6,24,Ranjit: Smith and Ninth Street.
38756,136,6,24,"At Bloom, Greenberg and Associates"
38757,136,6,24,"Jake: So, let me show you some of the gut-wrenching environmental atrocities that we were working to stop, okay? Here, pop quiz. What is that?"
38758,136,6,24,Marshall: That's a seal.
38759,136,6,24,"Jake: Bingo! Yes, a bloated seal corpse rotting in industrial waste."
38760,136,6,24,Marshall: Mm-hmm.
38761,136,6,24,"Jake: Now, wait till you see what we found when we cut him open."
38762,136,6,24,At the intersection
38763,136,6,24,"Robin: Okay, where the hell are they?"
38764,136,6,24,Barney: Maybe this isn't the intersection.
38765,136,6,24,"Robin: Well, maybe it is and we're too late. Man, I wish we'd gone to Brooklyn sooner."
38766,136,6,24,"Man: I know, right? Ever since the Trader Joe's opened up, Brooklyn is so... whatever."
38767,136,6,24,"Robin: Wait. Where'd you get that? (The guy is holding a cup, on which is printed ""The Intersection"")"
38768,136,6,24,"Man: Across the street at the Intersection. So, uh, you guys... want to buy some weed or...?"
38769,136,6,24,(Zoey is standing alone inside the coffee shop)
38770,136,6,24,Barney: She's alone! There's still time! But where the hell is Ted?
38771,136,6,24,"Robin: Wait a minute. On their first date, he brought her an orchid. How much do you want to bet he's gonna do it again?"
38772,136,6,24,"Barney: Brilliant. But wait, he had a huge head start on us. There's no way he's still in there unless he spent a half an hour picking out the perfect orchid."
38773,136,6,24,"Ted, leaving the florist's shop: Thanks, Julia! You know what? Let me see the pink lady slipper again. (He goes back inside)"
38774,136,6,24,"At Bloom, Greenberg and Associates"
38775,136,6,24,"Jake: Now, do you know what that is?"
38776,136,6,24,Marshall: A pile of rotting seagull carcasses covered in toxic sludge.
38777,136,6,24,"Jake: Being eaten by rats. Exactly. Now this next slide... Oh, I'm sorry. That's my wife's water birth. I don't know how that got in there. Anyway, that's all my questions."
38778,136,6,24,"Marshall, thinking: Oh, my God, I made it! Now just shake his hand, clench your very soul and run like hell!"
38779,136,6,24,"Jake: Now, I like to set aside 20 minutes at the end of every interview for your questions. So don't hold back. Whatever you got inside there, you just let 'er rip."
38780,136,6,24,"Marshall, thinking: I can't do this anymore. I'm just gonna tell him the truth."
38781,136,6,24,"(Lily's head appears and talks to Marshall, like a guardian angel)"
38782,136,6,24,"Lily: When it's stomach stuff, you just say ""under the weather"" or people start picturing you doing unspeakable things."
38783,136,6,24,Marshall: I have food poisoning and I'm about to start volcanoing toxic sludge out of both ends! (Marshall leaves in a hurry)
38784,136,6,24,Lily: Nailed it.
38785,136,6,24,Outside the Intersection
38786,136,6,24,"Ted: Thanks, Julia! No, on second thought. (Barney and Robin jumps on him, all three fall down)Ooh! Come on. What the hell?!"
38787,136,6,24,Robin: You can't get back together with Zoey just because you're freaking out over a lightbulb.
38788,136,6,24,"Ted: I'm not freaking out over a lightbulb! I'm freaking out over 50,000 lightbulbs! I can't do this! I only got this job because you gave it to me, Barney. I didn't earn it!"
38789,136,6,24,"Robin: Look, Ted, the future is scary. But you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. Yes, it's tempting."
38790,136,6,24,Barney: But... it's a mistake.
38791,136,6,24,"Ted: You're right. (Ted stops an elderly woman who was about to enter the Intersection) Um, excuse me. Can you give this to the blonde sitting alone in there and tell her Ted's really sorry? Also... indirect sunlight. Don't overwater. Half a cup a week is more than enough. (The elderly woman enters and gives theflowers to a blonde sitting alone, but not the right one) No. Hi."
38792,136,6,24,Ted from 2030: And kids... that's how I met your mother. Psych. It was just some chick.
38793,136,6,24,At Marshall and Lily's apartment
38794,136,6,24,"Lily: Hey, baby, how'd it go?"
38795,136,6,24,"Marshall: Lily, this year, this nasty schoolyard bully of a year will not stop punching me in the face. How did we kick off 2011? My dad died. And now after five months of unemployment, I just blew my dream job. The good news is, in a few seconds, I'm gonna start heaving my guts out because that's what life is for me now: just losing what's inside until I'm just empty."
38796,136,6,24,"Lily: Baby, come here."
38797,136,6,24,Marshall: I just want to shut my eyes for a few seconds before it starts. (He lyes down onto the bed and falls asleep)
38798,136,6,24,Ted from 2030: And Marshall slept...all night.
38799,136,6,24,At the Arcadian site
38800,136,6,24,"Rod: Okay, hotshot. Mr. Stinson. Who's gonna do the honors?"
38801,136,6,24,Barney: He is.
38802,136,6,24,Ted: You sure?
38803,136,6,24,Barney: Yeah. You earned it.
38804,136,6,24,Rod: All clear!
38805,136,6,24,"Ted: Hey, new is always better, right?"
38806,136,6,24,Barney: Always.
38807,136,6,24,"Rod: Ten, nine, eight..."
38808,136,6,24,In Marshall and Lily's bedroom
38809,136,6,24,"Marshall: Lily, it's a miracle. I didn't get sick. I didn't get sick."
38810,136,6,24,"Lily: I know, baby. I'm pregnant."
38811,136,6,24,Rod:...one!
38812,136,6,24,"(Ted pushes the button, the buiding exploses. Marshall is kissing Lily.)"
38813,136,6,24,In the street
38814,136,6,24,Robin: I'm proud of you for giving Ted the button. It meant a lot.
38815,136,6,24,"Barney: It's just a button. Can we talk about something else, please? (Barney sees Norah, Robin says something to him that we can""t hear, then Barney walks up to Norah) Norah."
38816,136,6,24,Norah: Hi.
38817,136,6,24,Barney: How you been?
38818,136,6,24,Norah: Fine.
38819,136,6,24,"Barney: Look, I don't know why you would possibly say yes to this, but would you want to grab a cup of coffee with me sometime? 20 minutes. I was such a jerk to you. You can spend the entire time calling me every dirty name in the book."
38820,136,6,24,Norah: I speak four languages. I'm gonna need more than 20 minutes.
38821,136,6,24,"Barney: I'll call you. You look beautiful, by the way. And here I thought it was too late for sundresses."
38822,136,6,24,"Norah: It's never too late, Barney."
38823,136,6,24,Barney: Challenge accepted.
38824,136,6,24,"(Robin is standing behind, looking sadly at him)"
38825,136,6,24,[a little ways down the road...]
38826,136,6,24,"(Ted and Marshall, both wearing a suit, are standing outside a church. Lily comes out of it)"
38827,136,6,24,Lily: Best man? You're being summoned.
38828,136,6,24,"Ted: Geez, what now? (He goes inside, enters a room) I heard the groom needed me."
38829,136,6,24,"(Barney, the groom, turns over to face Ted)"
38830,136,6,24,Barney: What do you think of this tie?
38831,137,7,1,"Ted (2030): Children, if there is a major theme in this story, and I swear, it's almost, really, not quite at the end of the story.This is timing. The timing makes all the difference. For example, I never met your mother if it was not for a wedding.The last of the weddings that I thought would be."
38832,137,7,1,Ted enters a room where Barney.
38833,137,7,1,Barney: What do you think of this tie?
38834,137,7,1,"Ted: Thank you, God. Barney Stinson needs you just before her marriage, is that there must be a dead prostitute in the closet, right?"
38835,137,7,1,Barney: This one is better?
38836,137,7,1,"Ted: The tie is well, and you know, this is perfectly normal pinball shortly before his marriage."
38837,137,7,1,"Barney: I'm not scared. It's just that I think once I'd put this tie, I could never remove it. I should wear it again and again. And of course this tie is fine now, but how I will cope when it becomes big and it annoy me? Do I made a mistake? Is what I would have been happier with the other tie? Ted, I can tell you a big secret?"
38838,137,7,1,"Ted: Yeah, sure."
38839,137,7,1,Barney: I do not really talk about the tie.
38840,137,7,1,"Ted: Yeah, I realized that Barney."
38841,137,7,1,Barney: I wonder if this will be a disaster. And if it was the worst of all marriage?
38842,137,7,1,Ted: Impossible. It has already been the worst of all marriage.
38843,137,7,1,Barney: That of Punchy.
38844,137,7,1,Ted: Marshall has really ruined all that.
38845,137,7,1,Ted (2030): The story of Uncle Marshall has ruined everything in my friend's wedding Punchy starts in September 2011.
38846,137,7,1,September 2011...
38847,137,7,1,Ted (2030): Punchy asked me to be his witness.
38848,137,7,1,"Barney, Robin, Marshall and Lily to join Ted McLaren's."
38849,137,7,1,Ted: Hi. Guys before you go that you bother to read my toast for the wedding?
38850,137,7,1,"Barney: Yeah, no problem, of course."
38851,137,7,1,Ted: Ok
38852,137,7,1,Ted pulls out a thick binder.
38853,137,7,1,Barney: Woow.
38854,137,7,1,Ted: There are several different versions.
38855,137,7,1,"Robin: Ted, why you work so hard on this speech? Punchy has applied with a karaoke microphone in a bowling alley."
38856,137,7,1,"Ted: Ok, I have never said that, but over the years, some of my friends from high school asked me to give speeches at their weddings, and they have not gone well."
38857,137,7,1,Flashback
38858,137,7,1,In 2008...
38859,137,7,1,"Ted: These marriages have become associated as the worst moment of my life. The love between Joel and Mora is magnificent. I thought I had the same thing... Until my fiancee left me at the altar last week. I was asked not to talk about that, so I will not do. I sit in front of her home at night sometimes. It changed hairstyle. (In 2009...) After losing my job last week, I asked not to give this toast... (A man tries to take her microphone) No, no, no! The happy couple should hear. It's over. But from the ashes of your divorce statistically probable, hope can be reborn. That is why I opened my own architectural firm Mosbius Designs. (3 months later...) Mosbius Designs went bankrupt. But the love of Alex and Jessica reminds us that... Oh, my God!"
38860,137,7,1,Punchy: A Schmosby classic.
38861,137,7,1,End flashback
38862,137,7,1,Robin: Wow. Punchy has posted weaknesses of your life?
38863,137,7,1,"Ted: Oh, not that much. Now I am a total disaster for all my old high school friends. And a lot of people in Finland are the big stuff. This is why I have to type this toast."
38864,137,7,1,"Barney: Ted, you can hit you something else to this marriage.Let the big binder. The only thing you have to bring it to Cleveland."
38865,137,7,1,Ted (2030): This fall I became the youngest designer in the history of New York by building a skyscraper. This earned me a brilliant article in a magazine. I plan to frame it. Uncle Barney had different plans.
38866,137,7,1,"Barney: Here's your speech. ""In single file, girls. No big. """
38867,137,7,1,Ted: This is ridiculous.
38868,137,7,1,"Barney: Yeah, you're right. This is Cleveland. ""In single file, girls. """
38869,137,7,1,GENERIC
38870,137,7,1,Ted: I will not Punchy's wedding to brag... cover of a magazine.
38871,137,7,1,"Robin: Barney, he did not need your advice. You never called Nora."
38872,137,7,1,Flashback
38873,137,7,1,"Ted (2030): Children, you remember Nora. But the other day..."
38874,137,7,1,Barney: I'll call you.
38875,137,7,1,"Nora: It's never too late, Barney."
38876,137,7,1,End flashback
38877,137,7,1,Robin: Or you called? It's not that I want to know. So what? I do not care. You did?
38878,137,7,1,Barney: I did not call.
38879,137,7,1,"Robin: Slim, Barney. I was really, really, really for both of you.Who wants chicken wings?"
38880,137,7,1,"Lily: Me. Or maybe we should make the hot sauce on Barney, now that's a sissy."
38881,137,7,1,"Barney: I'm not a wimp. Nora wanted a professional. Not me.That's it. And yes, Robin, I want chicken wings."
38882,137,7,1,Lily: Cannibal.
38883,137,7,1,"Robin: Ok, next tour for me."
38884,137,7,1,"Marshall: Oh no, no, it does that."
38885,137,7,1,Ted (2030): Lily and Marshall had just heard that they have a baby.
38886,137,7,1,Flashback
38887,137,7,1,Lily and Marshall discuss their room.
38888,137,7,1,Marshall: I can not wait to tell everyone.
38889,137,7,1,"Lily: Baby, no one can tell anyone. Not before three months. I do not want you to have bad luck."
38890,137,7,1,"Marshall: It's a bit superstitious, do not you think?"
38891,137,7,1,"Lily: Whenever you take a plane, you lick."
38892,137,7,1,Marshall: Has it been crashed once?
38893,137,7,1,Lily: Do not say a word until we know that all is well. Ok?
38894,137,7,1,"Marshall: Ok, so everything will be okay. Promised."
38895,137,7,1,Lily: How can you guarantee that?
38896,137,7,1,"Marshall, lifting the shirt of Lily: Come here."
38897,137,7,1,End flashback
38898,137,7,1,Marshall: I'm so happy. I do not know how we will keep this secret for three months.
38899,137,7,1,Lily: Relax. It will be easy.
38900,137,7,1,Bartender: What'll it be?
38901,137,7,1,"Lily: Four beer, plus a non-alcoholic."
38902,137,7,1,Bartender: You're pregnant! Come here!
38903,137,7,1,Ted (2030): So we all went to my hometown where we had planned to celebrate the marriage of Punchy. Uncle Barney had other plans.
38904,137,7,1,"Barney: Stand ready, Cleveland. The last guy who has conned you so hard and then disappeared was LeBron James."
38905,137,7,1,Robin: You're going to try to make you anybody here?
38906,137,7,1,Barney: What?
38907,137,7,1,"Robin: My God, Barney, tonight is a magical night between the annoying friend of Ted and that is what this-face. A little respect."
38908,137,7,1,"Barney: It's not just be someone. This is a market survey. You see, my legendary success rate of 83%..."
38909,137,7,1,Ted: 17. He always reverse.
38910,137,7,1,"Barney:... never happens by accident. Each technique used to drag a woman has been thoroughly field tested. By eliminating improper techniques in small markets like Cleveland. I know which will go to New York. For example, tonight marks the inauguration of the escaped prisoner. Do prisoners on the run are sexy?"
38911,137,7,1,"All: No, no."
38912,137,7,1,Barney: We'll never know unless I try tonight.
38913,137,7,1,Punchy: Schmosby! Oh! sh1t head! What's up?!
38914,137,7,1,Marshall: You really feel this ring now.
38915,137,7,1,Kelly: Glad you all here.
38916,137,7,1,"Punchy: Open Bar. Bottoms up, sh1t head, because it is the father of Kelly who pays, and he hates me."
38917,137,7,1,Kelly: It's true.
38918,137,7,1,"Punchy: Who drinks? Go, go."
38919,137,7,1,"Lily: Oh, no, thank you."
38920,137,7,1,Punchy: You're pregnant or what?
38921,137,7,1,"Lily: Let's be crazy! You're going to drink for two tonight, baby."
38922,137,7,1,Marshall: I'll do it for the child.
38923,137,7,1,Kelly and Punchy: Go Browns!
38924,137,7,1,"Marshall: During the season of super bowl, but if they mean the super bowl. Go Vikings."
38925,137,7,1,"Barney: Prisoners on the run are not sexy. At the same time it was a faulty concept. Next step, the patient zero."
38926,137,7,1,"Robin: Lily, you go getting drunk tonight."
38927,137,7,1,"Lily: That's all you, baby."
38928,137,7,1,Marshall: I'd to 4 glasses without eating.
38929,137,7,1,Lily: In nine months I would push a baby Eriksen with a pumpkin head out of my hoo-haa. I think Dad can handle a few cocktails and more.
38930,137,7,1,Marshall: Well done.
38931,137,7,1,Lily: Hakuna Matata!
38932,137,7,1,Marshall: I gotta go get some air.
38933,137,7,1,"Ted (2030): Children, do you remember when I told you that Marshall has ruined the marriage of Punchy? (Marshall is close to the cake) It was not that."
38934,137,7,1,"Robin: My God, have you seen this guy. I want Barney is my new boyfriend. No, thank you."
38935,137,7,1,Lily: Wait a minute. It's your voice of truth.
38936,137,7,1,Robin: My what?
38937,137,7,1,"Lily: Whenever you try to pretend that you're kidding but in fact it is profoundly true, you are using that voice."
38938,137,7,1,Flashback
38939,137,7,1,Robin is watching TV with Lily.
38940,137,7,1,Robin: I would like the Spice Girls back together. They were awesome. The worst. (At the bar...) It was me. I farted. It is this type. (At Ted's apartment...) birthday gift from my father. All I want from him is that he tells me he loves me. Just kidding.This pen is sufficient. It's enough. It is completely sufficient.
38941,137,7,1,End flashback
38942,137,7,1,"Lily: Oh, my God. You always have feelings for Barney. Admit it, you still have feelings for Barney."
38943,137,7,1,"Robin: You're more drunk than I thought. I mean, look at this type."
38944,137,7,1,"Barney: Wait, wait, wait, before you leave, please do respond to this survey to help me better to seduce you in the future.What does not work for you in this game of seduction? Does A do not you think that I hold a bailiff of the world? B or fingernails disgusts you? (He shows her nails, very long and the girl goes away) Sea..."
38945,137,7,1,"Man: Eager to hear your toast, Schmosby."
38946,137,7,1,"Punchy: Yeah, here is the whiner."
38947,137,7,1,Ted: Wait. You encourage me to cry at your own wedding?
38948,137,7,1,"Punchy: Yes, everyone encourages you. Plus some new friends from Finland. Hey, good luck, Schmos."
38949,137,7,1,"Barney: Take that. Shows them how much you're great. Say your ad, not ashamed, say that."
38950,137,7,1,"Ted: I've told you, I'm not here to brag, ok?"
38951,137,7,1,"Marshall: That's it. You're too polite to brag. Well, fine. Let me do it. Because the only person on Earth who loves more than Ted Mosby Marshall Eriksen Marshall Eriksen is drunk. So here we go."
38952,137,7,1,
38953,137,7,1,It takes a rugby ball and throws...
38954,137,7,1,"Ted (2030): Children, do you remember when I see have said that Marshall would ruin the marriage of Punchy and Kelly? It was not that either."
38955,137,7,1,Robin: Barney and I have tried and failed. It was there two years. Why would I start? It would not make sense.
38956,137,7,1,"Lily: It does not make sense. It's chemistry. Listen, I always them a sixth sense for these things. And now that I'm pregnant... deep in me in my uterus, I see things more clearly. You and Barney have that kind of chemistry that is still there."
38957,137,7,1,Robin: Really? That's why he tries to Lebron anything that moves?
38958,137,7,1,"Barney: It does not work for you because A vampires are offside, B or pretend that I invented Facebook was a bit too?"
38959,137,7,1,The woman leaves.
38960,137,7,1,Lily: You're the reason why he never called Nora. You're the reason why he only tests tonight. And you're the reason why he continues to try to impress. Chemistry.
38961,137,7,1,"Marshall: Wow! Ted! It's really you on the cover of New York.Now, you say ""yes."""
38962,137,7,1,Ted: Stop please.
38963,137,7,1,Man: Schmosby. What is this magazine?
38964,137,7,1,"Ted: You know what, Clay? It's nothing."
38965,137,7,1,"Marshall: You know what? This is not nothing. Clay, my friend Ted has designed a building, Clay. What do you do, Clay?"
38966,137,7,1,"Clay: Well, I'm still working in the rental car..."
38967,137,7,1,"Marshall: Hear, hear, Clay. No major publication does write about your small agency?"
38968,137,7,1,"Clay: No, no, no items. My life is monotonous. I think the only news is that little thing."
38969,137,7,1,"Marshall: Oh my God, look at this little baby. She's so cute. All I want is to put her little feet in my mouth. You have created something really beautiful."
38970,137,7,1,Clay: It's all for me.
38971,137,7,1,"Ted: I mean, it's still huge... The building, you know?"
38972,137,7,1,"Marshall: Hey, kid. (With another couple and their child...) So this little angel is already every night?"
38973,137,7,1,Ted: I spent many sleepless nights... to design this building.(The baby makes a return to the magazine) Nothing symbolism there.
38974,137,7,1,Robin: Forget it. There is no chemistry between Barney and me. It's over.
38975,137,7,1,Lily: Oh really? Prove it. Go talk to him.
38976,137,7,1,Robin: Why should I tell him about that?
38977,137,7,1,"Lily: Because in the depths of himself, even if he does not know yet, Barney wants to be with you. And if it does not happen, he deserves to know."
38978,137,7,1,"Robin: Well. Barney, just to make things clear..."
38979,137,7,1,"Barney: I know what you gonna say. Show in Cleveland, how it goes."
38980,137,7,1,He pulls him and takes him to dance.
38981,137,7,1,Robin: Barney... I...
38982,137,7,1,Barney's phone rings.
38983,137,7,1,"Barney: Sorry. Oh, my God, this is Nora. She finally ended up reminding me."
38984,137,7,1,"Robin: Wait, you said you'd never recalled."
38985,137,7,1,"Barney: I lied. I called, like, five times. Wait, wait! You guys you know better than anyone how I show this stuff. Will you help me please? I would like just once to see what it feels like when you do not quite fair."
38986,137,7,1,Robin: Yeah.
38987,137,7,1,Barney: Hi Nora. Thank you for reminding me. The reason I'm calling...
38988,137,7,1,Robin: To tell you how I feel.
38989,137,7,1,Barney: To tell you how I feel.
38990,137,7,1,Robin: I know it did not work the first time...
38991,137,7,1,Barney: I know it did not work the first time...
38992,137,7,1,Robin:... and it makes no sense...
38993,137,7,1,Barney:... and it makes no sense...
38994,137,7,1,Robin:... but I can not help thinking that goes well together.
38995,137,7,1,Barney:... but I can not help thinking that goes well together.
38996,137,7,1,Robin: Is there a part of you that wants to try again?
38997,137,7,1,Barney: Is there a part of you that wants to try again?
38998,137,7,1,Barney thank Robin walking away.
38999,137,7,1,Marshall returns to see Lily with a baby in her arms.
39000,137,7,1,"Marshall: Baby, I can not do that. I have to tell someone that we are pregnant."
39001,137,7,1,"Lily: Eriksen, be strong. Keep it a secret."
39002,137,7,1,Marshall: There are babies everywhere. It's minefield of sweetness. Look at this little b*st*rd.
39003,137,7,1,"Lily: Marshall, stop that. Remains strong. Can not you let me hold a little baby with his little cheeks... so cute... and little arms and little legs... This little b*st*rd has dimples. We will tell everyone I'm pregnant."
39004,137,7,1,Marshall: Yeah!
39005,137,7,1,Robin comes out on the terrace and found there Ted.
39006,137,7,1,Ted: Are you okay?
39007,137,7,1,Robin: No. And you?
39008,137,7,1,Ted: Not really. Want to talk?
39009,137,7,1,Robin: Not even a little bit.
39010,137,7,1,Ted: It might help you feel better.
39011,137,7,1,"Robin: Okay, well, we'll make a deal. You go first and then I still do not tell you what's wrong."
39012,137,7,1,"Ted: Okay. All my friends from high school, are there with their wives and children. And me? My appointment is a dirty magazine."
39013,137,7,1,"Robin: As in high school. Sorry, I had to."
39014,137,7,1,"Ted: I've always believed in fate, you know? I will go in a magazine Bagel, I would see a pretty girl in the queue reading my favorite novel, whistling the song I had all week in my head, and I would think, ""Wow, this is perhaps the good. "" Now I think ""I just know that bitch will take the latest Bagel."""
39015,137,7,1,Robin: You've been too focused on your work.
39016,137,7,1,"Ted: No, it's more than that. I stopped believing. Not like some depressed, I cry during my speech. Not the way I had not even noticed, until tonight. It's just that every day I think I believe a little less and a little less and less. And... it sucks. What should I do about it, Scherbatsky?"
39017,137,7,1,Robin: You're Ted Mosby. You do it again to believe it.
39018,137,7,1,"Ted: What, in fate?"
39019,137,7,1,"Robin: A chemistry. If there is alchemy, you just need another thing."
39020,137,7,1,Ted: What is it?
39021,137,7,1,Robin: The timing. But the timing is a bitch.
39022,137,7,1,"Ted: Hey, we always have our market 40 years? If you are still only 40 years..."
39023,137,7,1,"Robin: I'm all yours. Unrelated, architects make a lot?"
39024,137,7,1,Ted: Not enough.
39025,137,7,1,Robin: sh1t.
39026,137,7,1,Man: Schmosby to you in two minutes.
39027,137,7,1,"Robin: Ok, promise me two things. One, believe in you again, and two, do not cry during the toast, Schmosby."
39028,137,7,1,Ted: I promise.
39029,137,7,1,Lily: We're having a baby.
39030,137,7,1,Robin: For real?
39031,137,7,1,Lily: For real.
39032,137,7,1,"Ted, Barney and Robin: Oh! Oh!"
39033,137,7,1,Voices: A little attention everyone! This is the time for which we are all here tonight. The speech Schmosby!
39034,137,7,1,Ted: We are here tonight to celebrate love. The love that brings us a new life...
39035,137,7,1,Marshall: Hey! (Marshall took the microphone from the hands of Ted) This is not a whiner. They are tears of joy. Ted is happy for his friends because it's the best guy I know. And do you know why he is happy? For the beautiful young lady is pregnant here.
39036,137,7,1,Kelly: How did you know...? It must have a secret!
39037,137,7,1,Ted (2030): It turns out that...
39038,137,7,1,Flashback
39039,137,7,1,Kelly: Will the Browns!
39040,137,7,1,Kelly gives his glass to Punchy and he just takes his own drinking.
39041,137,7,1,"Marshall: In the season's Super Bowl, but if they mean the Super Bowl. Go Vikings!"
39042,137,7,1,End flashback
39043,137,7,1,"Kelly's father: How dare you? This is my daughter, sort of junk."
39044,137,7,1,"Punchy: You always pay for it all, eh?"
39045,137,7,1,"Punchy's father: ""Species of junk""? This is my son."
39046,137,7,1,Ted (2030): And that's how Marshall has destroyed the marriage of Punchy. But we did not care. It would be a sixth member in our family.
39047,137,7,1,Back to today...
39048,137,7,1,"Ted: No marriage will be as bad as that one, huh?"
39049,137,7,1,"Barney: I chose the right tie, huh?"
39050,137,7,1,"Ted: You've nailed. And be glad it is not the tie-duck. Oh, the tie-duck."
39051,137,7,1,Ted (2030): This is a good story. I will return. We are not even close to the end.
39052,137,7,1,"Barney: You're a good best man, Ted. You'll cry during the toast, right?"
39053,137,7,1,"Ted: Oh, I'll cry too."
39054,137,7,1,A knock on the door.
39055,137,7,1,Barney: Between.
39056,137,7,1,"Lily: Ted, the bride wants to see you. Seriously? Will you be wearing this tie?"
39057,138,7,2,"Marshall: Oh my God, guys, I still have a hangover. Did I really ruin a marriage?"
39058,138,7,2,"Ted: No, you did not ruin a marriage. Only reception."
39059,138,7,2,Robin: And Miztva Bar next door.
39060,138,7,2,Lily: And my dress. And your dress. You put a dress at one point.
39061,138,7,2,"Marshall: Ok, you know what, it's good. I'll be a father, and I want to be the kind of man that my child can watch. Therefore, new resolution... I will never drunk! I'm serious!"
39062,138,7,2,"Ted (2030): Children, this is not your Uncle Marshall was a problem with the drink. But every time he was a good resolution, we knew about that..."
39063,138,7,2,Flashback
39064,138,7,2,"The day before, Marshall returned to the apartment, drunk."
39065,138,7,2,Marshall: I've done it again!
39066,138,7,2,Ted (2030): But I lost a bit in the story.
39067,138,7,2,End flashback
39068,138,7,2,Barney joined the others on crutches.
39069,138,7,2,Lily: What happened to your leg?
39070,138,7,2,"Barney: Oh, nothing. I must have coffee with Nora. She is still angry, so I need some ""sympathy points"". She loves musicals, so I'll tell him that I fell off stage during a performance of ""Man of La Mancha."" What do you think?"
39071,138,7,2,Ted: Lose the cast.
39072,138,7,2,Barney: A one-man show... I love it!
39073,138,7,2,Lily: Let us be clear... this woman is angry against you because you lied to him. So your solution is to claim that you broke your leg?
39074,138,7,2,"Barney: You're right. A cervical neck brace! Thank you, Lil. I should have to talk to you soon. I trained all day with these crutches and one who has left in my hall is likely to need it."
39075,138,7,2,"Ted: Well, I have good news. As you know, I recently decided to start out and see the girls."
39076,138,7,2,Flashback
39077,138,7,2,Ted is at the newsstand and a woman reads the magazine in which it appears.
39078,138,7,2,Woman: Is this you?
39079,138,7,2,"Ted: Uh, yes. Salvation. I'm Ted."
39080,138,7,2,Woman: Hi.
39081,138,7,2,End flashback
39082,138,7,2,"Lily: That's great, Ted."
39083,138,7,2,Ted: It was a completely random moment. The kind that you can create yourself... At least I thought.
39084,138,7,2,Flashback
39085,138,7,2,Ted behind her magazine down and when a woman arrives.
39086,138,7,2,"Ted: Oh, no. How have I landed on it? Salvation. Ted Mosby. (With another woman) I plead guilty. Salvation. Ted Mosby. (And another) It's embarrassing. I will be on the cover of ""An egg on my face"" magazine. But I'm not. I'm on the cover of that one. Salvation. Ted Mosby."
39087,138,7,2,End flashback
39088,138,7,2,"Ted: completely random 16 times in one day, and 16 of these, 10 were single. Of these 10, seven have loved what they saw. Of these seven, four were women. And these four, two have given me their real number. And I go with both."
39089,138,7,2,Marshall's phone rings.
39090,138,7,2,"Marshall: Guys, this is Garrison Cootes."
39091,138,7,2,"Ted (2030): Children, Garrison Cootes was a major partner of Honeywell & Cootes. One of the largest environmental law firms in the United States.Marshall would have given anything to work there."
39092,138,7,2,"Marshall: If I did not work, I could finish... in kind, a Taco Belle somewhere. And nobody wants that. Unless you want to do this, like this you would have free tacos, since you are my friends. But now I need you all calmiez! (He finally won) Hello."
39093,138,7,2,"Garrison: Marshall, it's Garrison Cootes. Sorry for not having reminded you earlier but I was stuck. What's funny, because I'm literally stuck in a swamp. Well, anyway, here I am trying to collect some samples for this trial on the pollution that we are working."
39094,138,7,2,Marshall: I love the work you do.
39095,138,7,2,Garrison: It's a...
39096,138,7,2,"Marshall: No, I mean it."
39097,138,7,2,"Garrison: No, no, there is a crocodile a few meters from me. So I'll just ignore the warm urine running down my leg right now, and tell you that we are very interested in your case."
39098,138,7,2,Marshall: He's interested!
39099,138,7,2,"Garrison: Obviously, we need to do some sort of verification purpose, you see, an investigation of crime and a Google search, but if nothing seems wrong to us, it takes you."
39100,138,7,2,"Marshall: It's fantastic, Mr Cootes!"
39101,138,7,2,"Garrison: Well, I'm going. It's very funny because in fact I really have run away."
39102,138,7,2,Marshall: The crocodile you saw?
39103,138,7,2,"Garrison: He is coming, yes."
39104,138,7,2,GENERIC
39105,138,7,2,"Ted (2030): The next night, Barney and Nora saw each other for a coffee.Fortunately, without the neck brace ridiculous."
39106,138,7,2,"Barney: Hi Nora, thank you for coming."
39107,138,7,2,Nora: What happened to your neck?
39108,138,7,2,"Barney: My naked...? Oh, that's nothing. I was playing in a One Man Show at Fiddler. There was this scene..."
39109,138,7,2,"Nora: Wow, this one has a beautiful chest."
39110,138,7,2,"Barney, turning: What? Where? Oh, and sh1t."
39111,138,7,2,Nora: Breasts...
39112,138,7,2,"Barney: Wait, Nora, waiting... No, please. I'm sorry."
39113,138,7,2,Nora: What is wrong with you? What kind of people need to lie like that?
39114,138,7,2,"Barney: Someone who likes you, really. And suspicious, and probably accurately you do it over more later, and therefore he feels the need... I'm sorry, you spoke of this fantastic pair of tits, right? Because I seek, and I do not see them."
39115,138,7,2,Ted returned to his apartment.
39116,138,7,2,"Ted: I just had two rencards following. With two adorable girls, four cappuccinos and wait... (2 minutes later...) I do not know which was the best. Here are the girls: Jessica is a student in Rhode Island, she traveled around the world, speaks four languages and plays the piano. Claire and fought for the bill. So I do not know. It is torture. You see, the two girls have the potential to be really special. They both deserve a second round."
39117,138,7,2,Lily: Wait a minute. You're going to handle two girls at once? You do not think you should pick one before it gets too serious?
39118,138,7,2,"Ted: Define ""serious""."
39119,138,7,2,"Lily: Well, it's complicated. I think it would be when you have expectations, emotional involvement..."
39120,138,7,2,"Marshall: Third base. Seriously, third base."
39121,138,7,2,Ted: So I can go to the second two with no problem?
39122,138,7,2,Marshall: Treat yourself my friend. Treat yourself. Oh no.
39123,138,7,2,"Ted (2030): Since Mr. Cootes had mentioned the investigation, Marshall ran through internet. The majority of what he found was touching, seeing truly extraordinary, until..."
39124,138,7,2,Marshall: Poor. This is very bad.
39125,138,7,2,"Girl: Thank you, Stacy. Wesleyan has a cafeteria. Thank you to the generous donation of... Marshall arrives on camera, naked."
39126,138,7,2,Marshall: Oh! Oh! Someone there mentioned generous donation? I'm Marshall Eriksen. But you can call me Biercules!
39127,138,7,2,"Lily: Well, it could be anyone. And thin, I had forgotten this story Biercules.Who made this site first?"
39128,138,7,2,Marshall: Pete Durkenson.
39129,138,7,2,Ted: Of course.
39130,138,7,2,Robin: This is the guy who convinced you to run around campus naked?
39131,138,7,2,"Marshall: I wanted to join a club that I left three days later, because the clubs are stupid and elitist. And I also discovered that it was not a club."
39132,138,7,2,"Ted: Oh my God. This is huge! I am invited to the Ball of Architects, the annual gala honoring the greatest architects of the city. Oh no. You guys see the problem?"
39133,138,7,2,Robin: This is an annual gala that honors the greatest architects of the city?
39134,138,7,2,"Ted: Robin, this is the biggest celebrity event of the year. In taking a girl at the ball, man, you reached third base. Whatever the girl I invite, it will be the steady girlfriend of Ted Mosby by the end of the evening. Ok, we stop to sit between two chairs. Robin, bring me my notebook. It's time to make lists of pros and cons."
39135,138,7,2,Ted (2030): And the children they loved.
39136,138,7,2,Nora: Let me clarify something for you. I do not date guys who lie to me.
39137,138,7,2,"Barney: Okay, I did not know. Mea culpa. So, from now, more lies. I never lie to you. I'm serious. Ask me anything."
39138,138,7,2,Nora: OK Have you ever managed to get in bed with a woman that you lied?
39139,138,7,2,Barney: Have I ever... If I'm totally honest... Yes.
39140,138,7,2,Nora: More than once?
39141,138,7,2,"Barney: More than once... Wow, this is... I guess if we... so, technically, there were a number of times I've lied to a woman to sleep with her."
39142,138,7,2,Nora: They were worth what?
39143,138,7,2,"Barney: Nine or ten for most. There has been a 4 once. It was an easy girl.But, Nora, after that, I had to flee so fast. Honesty is good."
39144,138,7,2,Nora: What was the lie?
39145,138,7,2,Barney: You want me to tell all the lies I have told to put a woman in my bed?
39146,138,7,2,Nora: A bed or any other place where you're sent into the air.
39147,138,7,2,Barney: You are good.
39148,138,7,2,Marshall goes to meet Pete.
39149,138,7,2,"Marshall: Pete, Pete. Hey!"
39150,138,7,2,"Pete: Biercules! Come here, man."
39151,138,7,2,"Marshall: Hey, I tried to call you all night."
39152,138,7,2,"Pete: My God, sorry. I should have responded but it was Thursday night."
39153,138,7,2,Marshall: It is Sunday.
39154,138,7,2,"Pete: And you know what that means. ""Edward bottles with money""!"
39155,138,7,2,"Ted (2030): Children, Edward bottles for money is a game that involves taping two bottles of liquor at the base of the hands. The goal is to finish the two bottles. Oh my God, why am I telling you this? Good move."
39156,138,7,2,"Marshall: Ok, you know this old video of me?"
39157,138,7,2,Pete: I watch it every day.
39158,138,7,2,Marshall: You have to take away the internet. Genre immediately.
39159,138,7,2,"Pete: There are two ways for me to do it: Either you give me $ 4 million, or help me to go to the bathroom because I can not..."
39160,138,7,2,"Marshall: Yes, both are non-negotiable refusal."
39161,138,7,2,"Pete: So, I'm sorry we could not handle together. But if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of the game ""to Edward bottles of money,"" and the competition is raised."
39162,138,7,2,Marshall: Who are you playing anyway?
39163,138,7,2,Pete: Just myself.
39164,138,7,2,"Ted (2030): Meanwhile, Barney continued to list every lie he used to sleep."
39165,138,7,2,"Barney: I do not have time to explain how I got there. I just need someone to suck the poison. The surgeon gave me a new face, darling. You realize that I am alive? My name is David Beckham. If I castais only the white swan, is the role for you. No, I am a lesbian. What I wear is just very realistic."
39166,138,7,2,"Nora: Ok, let's move. What was the worst? The best of the worst? The cream of the crop?"
39167,138,7,2,"Barney: Oh, once I am the soul man. There was this pretty girl who only go out with black."
39168,138,7,2,"Woman: Barney! Oh no, I knew it."
39169,138,7,2,
39170,138,7,2,"Ted, Lily and Robin are in the apartment."
39171,138,7,2,Ted: I can not choose. They are both extraordinary.
39172,138,7,2,"Robin: If architects had only two bullets, eh Ted?"
39173,138,7,2,"Lily: I knew it. Ted, left or right?"
39174,138,7,2,"Ted: Yes, yes, good idea. Let fate decide? I will choose the left."
39175,138,7,2,"Lily, slapping him: Just called one of the two."
39176,138,7,2,"Robin: Ted, to your heart, you know that you love one more than the other.Believe me, takes the other."
39177,138,7,2,"Ted: Uh, I have perhaps not been clear is the... Robin Ball Architects.This event is a very hip."
39178,138,7,2,"Robin: Ok, name one celebrity who will be there."
39179,138,7,2,Ted: Lenny Kravitz.
39180,138,7,2,Robin: Lenny Kravitz will be there?
39181,138,7,2,Ted: Yes. He is there every year. And it's a rock star.
39182,138,7,2,"Robin: You know, Ted, in hindsight, it is too early to choose between these two girls. Takes a friend. Like, I dunno, maybe a friend who has a poster of Lenny Kravitz on his wall, and may or may not have dated this post and transported from his high school..."
39183,138,7,2,Ted: This list of pros and cons leads to nothing. I need a color scale.
39184,138,7,2,Lily and Robin: Scale of colors!
39185,138,7,2,"Ted (2030): And the children, we really sang."
39186,138,7,2,"Marshall: Pete, please. I am unemployed. I have a huge mortgage. A baby arriving. And I'm about to lose a job that I really need because of a drunken video of 15 years ago."
39187,138,7,2,"Pete: Ugh, you mean? Biercules, what's going on? Looks like you're another person. The guy in this video was cool. It had potential. It could have been president of a club one day."
39188,138,7,2,Marshall: There is no club.
39189,138,7,2,Pete: There he is just a troublemaker.
39190,138,7,2,"Marshall: It's not that I want to be a troublemaker. Fair, I must be one. I'll be a dad. You have children one day, you will understand."
39191,138,7,2,"Pete: Dude, I have 4 children."
39192,138,7,2,"Marshall: Pete, please, remove the video."
39193,138,7,2,"Pete: Ok, Biercules, I will remove it. If... you can beat me to the game of my choice."
39194,138,7,2,Marshall: Oh no.
39195,138,7,2,"Pete: And I choose the beautiful game, the sweet science..."
39196,138,7,2,"Marshall: Pete, please, I'm tired..."
39197,138,7,2,Pete: The sport of kings...
39198,138,7,2,Marshall: I do not want to play Edward bottles money.
39199,138,7,2,"Pete: I was going to the darts, but it's Edward bottles to money!"
39200,138,7,2,"Barney: And that made all the lies related to space. Let the world of sports. Oh wait, I forgot for a space: ""I was bitten by a snake space. You have to suck all the poison around my... """
39201,138,7,2,"Nora: Okay, Barney, I have things to work tomorrow at 8 am which means I have just enough time to spend 11h in my shower to wash away all that."
39202,138,7,2,"Barney: So that was cool. I can remember, or...?"
39203,138,7,2,"Nora: Barney, you're funny, beautiful, and really nice. But you are also a sociopath."
39204,138,7,2,"Barney: Well, I count three for and one against."
39205,138,7,2,Nora: How can you still believe you have a chance with me?
39206,138,7,2,"Barney: Because you are sat here all night. You could leave, but you did not. Listen, Nora, these lies, it was the old me. But I swear I try to change.You... make me want to change."
39207,138,7,2,Nora: How I know this is not a lie?
39208,138,7,2,Barney: I will prove it. I'll show you how much I'm serious. I will not leave this restaurant as I have not got a second date with you.
39209,138,7,2,Nora: Goodbye Barney.
39210,138,7,2,Barney: I do not laugh. It is a restaurant 24h/24. I will stay forever if necessary. And I will. Just water for me please.
39211,138,7,2,Ted shows the color scale to Lily and Robin.
39212,138,7,2,"Ted: Ok, so the red bar indicates the level of attractiveness, blue, intellectual stimulation, green, emotional connection, yellow, compatibility aspirations of life, and purple, so she tried to pay or not."
39213,138,7,2,"Lily: Well, it looks like Jessica wins in the first four categories."
39214,138,7,2,Ted: Do not fight in...
39215,138,7,2,Robin leaves his room in evening dress.
39216,138,7,2,"Robin: Oh, that? It's nothing. It cost me three months' rent, and uh, I have never worn because I bought it for a big party to which you would have asked what did not happen. But, you know what? Do not feel guilty."
39217,138,7,2,Ted: What big event?
39218,138,7,2,Robin: This thing with your uncle.
39219,138,7,2,"Ted: His funeral? It fell into the water, he emerged miraculously from his coma."
39220,138,7,2,Robin: And I forgive you. Now I can have my place and meet Lenny Kravitz?
39221,138,7,2,"Marshall returned to the apartment, drunk."
39222,138,7,2,Marshall: I've done it again!
39223,138,7,2,"Lily: Oh, dear. You're still drunk. I can not believe that I made the bet."
39224,138,7,2,"Marshall: Just to be clear, ""I've done it again!""... Am not referring to my current state of inebriation."
39225,138,7,2,Lily: What does it therefore reference?
39226,138,7,2,"Video shows Marshall, nude with two bottles taped hands."
39227,138,7,2,"Marshall: My name is Marshall Eriksen. I'm 33 and if my potential future employer, Garrison Cootes, look at this... Prostrate to Biercules!"
39228,138,7,2,Lily: Well... it could be anyone...
39229,138,7,2,The phone rings but Pete it in the hands taped to the bottles.
39230,138,7,2,"Pete: Oh, God..."
39231,138,7,2,Lily is on the phone.
39232,138,7,2,"Lily: Pete, it's Lily Aldrin. I'll be brief. You're going out this video of Marshall. You know why? Because I am friends with three girls with whom you came to school, and girls say it all together. Every small detail.Huh. So... tick, tick... Pete so goes the clock in the little dick."
39233,138,7,2,Ted: Pete has a small dick?
39234,138,7,2,"Lily: I have no idea. Well, what do you take?"
39235,138,7,2,"Marshall: It had to happen eventually. I tried so hard to suppress my... ""side-idiot-who-is-not-care-for nothing"" he rebelled and has struggled!"
39236,138,7,2,Robin: It's for sure!
39237,138,7,2,Marshall's voice: Look at me! I am a windmill!
39238,138,7,2,"Marshall: Who do I crazy? I'm not ready to be a father. I thought I was, but it's like... My father never did such things, you know?"
39239,138,7,2,"Lily: But if he did, you would love all the same. And to be honest, you do not love to come across a video of him running down the street naked shouting, ""Hey, Marshall, look at me! I have a stalactite on the head! """
39240,138,7,2,Barney rises behind Marshall and Lily.
39241,138,7,2,Barney: Oh! Hi guys! Oh! My neck! Uh... oh! Hey! Look at this!
39242,138,7,2,"Robin: Barney, what are you doing here?"
39243,138,7,2,"Barney: Oh, I told Nora that I would not leave until I have no second appointment, and I intend to do. I am here since 9 o'clock. I still need another minute. Say I'm crazy, but I'll stay here as long as it will not be returned."
39244,138,7,2,"Ted: That's what I want. Barney's feelings for Nora, I want to feel again. I do not want to choose between two girls. I want to be completely baba one of the two."
39245,138,7,2,"Lily: Yes, the stupid thing that makes us turn the head, pretty cool."
39246,138,7,2,"Marshall: It's not bad. Also, for posterity, a statement drunk guy! I would not drink again."
39247,138,7,2,Ted (2030): And of course...
39248,138,7,2,Flashback
39249,138,7,2,Barney and Marshall are at the casino.
39250,138,7,2,Marshall: Carpet Biercules! Yeah!
39251,138,7,2,"Ted (2030): But again, I digress."
39252,138,7,2,End flashback
39253,138,7,2,The next day the phone rings Marshall.
39254,138,7,2,Marshall: Hello?
39255,138,7,2,Garrison: Marshall! Garrison Cootes.
39256,138,7,2,"Marshall: Yes, Mr Cootes. How are you?"
39257,138,7,2,"Garrison: I wanted you to know we had conducted our inquiries, and there is something annoying."
39258,138,7,2,"Marshall: Sir, the fact is that..."
39259,138,7,2,"Garrison: The rainbow in this sample is definitely related to chemical plants. Ok, I... Skip a line... We love you! It takes you."
39260,138,7,2,"Marshall: It's fantastic. Thank you, Mr Cootes."
39261,138,7,2,"Garrison: Well, nothing. Oh, and when you're in the office, try to wear something Biercules. Ok? Wow, that was a big snake."
39262,138,7,2,"Marshall: Oh, there was a snake in the swamp?"
39263,138,7,2,"Garrison: No, I was talking about your pen1s. See you tomorrow."
39264,138,7,2,Marshall: I got the job.
39265,138,7,2,Lily: Yes!
39266,138,7,2,Marshall: And I think my boss is already sexually harassing me. But he saw the video and he does not care!
39267,138,7,2,Lily: Saw what? Maybe the video is not so bad after all.
39268,138,7,2,Marshall's phone rings again.
39269,138,7,2,Marshall: Yes. Hello?
39270,138,7,2,"Pete: Hey Marshall, I'm Pete Durkenson. We all went to Wesleyan."
39271,138,7,2,"Marshall: Yes, no, I know. Pete, we drank together yesterday."
39272,138,7,2,"Pete: Absolutely, now, the message from Lily makes sense. Listen, do not worry Bro ', I remove the video."
39273,138,7,2,Marshall: You know what? Let her.
39274,138,7,2,"Pete: As you wish, Biercules. (He hangs up and is in an operating room with a man on the table) Scalpel."
39275,138,7,2,Marshall: You know what? That's good. I want my children to see every part of me.
39276,138,7,2,Lily: Yes. Even the side where you route the East Village naked.
39277,138,7,2,Marshall: I will remember Pete.
39278,138,7,2,Lily: It's a good idea.
39279,138,7,2,"Ted (2030): That night, I brought Robin Bal."
39280,138,7,2,Robin: Thanks for taking me.
39281,138,7,2,"Ted: The pleasure is mine. And you know, you might find it interesting.Some of these guys represent the history of New York."
39282,138,7,2,"Robin: Yes, yes. Where is Lenny Kravitz?"
39283,138,7,2,"Ted: Right there. Leonard Kravitz, world-renowned architect. This guy is a star. He will make his famous reading of 90 minutes on the beams."
39284,138,7,2,"Robin: Well, great. I'll go find one myself and hang myself."
39285,138,7,2,Ted: Ok
39286,138,7,2,"Ted (2030): Children, you can not control when falling in love. It does not take days to think about. When this happens, you know quickly and with absolute certainty. I had forgotten. But reminded myself it was going."
39287,139,7,3,"Marshall: Oh my God, guys, I still have a hangover. Did I really ruin a marriage?"
39288,139,7,3,"Ted: No, you did not ruin a marriage. Only reception."
39289,139,7,3,Robin: And Miztva Bar next door.
39290,139,7,3,Lily: And my dress. And your dress. You put a dress at one point.
39291,139,7,3,"Marshall: Ok, you know what, it's good. I'll be a father, and I want to be the kind of man that my child can watch. Therefore, new resolution... I will never drunk! I'm serious!"
39292,139,7,3,"Ted (2030): Children, this is not your Uncle Marshall was a problem with the drink. But every time he was a good resolution, we knew about that..."
39293,139,7,3,Flashback
39294,139,7,3,"The day before, Marshall returned to the apartment, drunk."
39295,139,7,3,Marshall: I've done it again!
39296,139,7,3,Ted (2030): But I lost a bit in the story.
39297,139,7,3,End flashback
39298,139,7,3,Barney joined the others on crutches.
39299,139,7,3,Lily: What happened to your leg?
39300,139,7,3,"Barney: Oh, nothing. I must have coffee with Nora. She is still angry, so I need some ""sympathy points"". She loves musicals, so I'll tell him that I fell off stage during a performance of ""Man of La Mancha."" What do you think?"
39301,139,7,3,Ted: Lose the cast.
39302,139,7,3,Barney: A one-man show... I love it!
39303,139,7,3,Lily: Let us be clear... this woman is angry against you because you lied to him. So your solution is to claim that you broke your leg?
39304,139,7,3,"Barney: You're right. A cervical neck brace! Thank you, Lil. I should have to talk to you soon. I trained all day with these crutches and one who has left in my hall is likely to need it."
39305,139,7,3,"Ted: Well, I have good news. As you know, I recently decided to start out and see the girls."
39306,139,7,3,Flashback
39307,139,7,3,Ted is at the newsstand and a woman reads the magazine in which it appears.
39308,139,7,3,Woman: Is this you?
39309,139,7,3,"Ted: Uh, yes. Salvation. I'm Ted."
39310,139,7,3,Woman: Hi.
39311,139,7,3,End flashback
39312,139,7,3,"Lily: That's great, Ted."
39313,139,7,3,Ted: It was a completely random moment. The kind that you can create yourself... At least I thought.
39314,139,7,3,Flashback
39315,139,7,3,Ted behind her magazine down and when a woman arrives.
39316,139,7,3,"Ted: Oh, no. How have I landed on it? Salvation. Ted Mosby. (With another woman) I plead guilty. Salvation. Ted Mosby. (And another) It's embarrassing. I will be on the cover of ""An egg on my face"" magazine. But I'm not. I'm on the cover of that one. Salvation. Ted Mosby."
39317,139,7,3,End flashback
39318,139,7,3,"Ted: completely random 16 times in one day, and 16 of these, 10 were single. Of these 10, seven have loved what they saw. Of these seven, four were women. And these four, two have given me their real number. And I go with both."
39319,139,7,3,Marshall's phone rings.
39320,139,7,3,"Marshall: Guys, this is Garrison Cootes."
39321,139,7,3,"Ted (2030): Children, Garrison Cootes was a major partner of Honeywell & Cootes. One of the largest environmental law firms in the United States.Marshall would have given anything to work there."
39322,139,7,3,"Marshall: If I did not work, I could finish... in kind, a Taco Belle somewhere. And nobody wants that. Unless you want to do this, like this you would have free tacos, since you are my friends. But now I need you all calmiez! (He finally won) Hello."
39323,139,7,3,"Garrison: Marshall, it's Garrison Cootes. Sorry for not having reminded you earlier but I was stuck. What's funny, because I'm literally stuck in a swamp. Well, anyway, here I am trying to collect some samples for this trial on the pollution that we are working."
39324,139,7,3,Marshall: I love the work you do.
39325,139,7,3,Garrison: It's a...
39326,139,7,3,"Marshall: No, I mean it."
39327,139,7,3,"Garrison: No, no, there is a crocodile a few meters from me. So I'll just ignore the warm urine running down my leg right now, and tell you that we are very interested in your case."
39328,139,7,3,Marshall: He's interested!
39329,139,7,3,"Garrison: Obviously, we need to do some sort of verification purpose, you see, an investigation of crime and a Google search, but if nothing seems wrong to us, it takes you."
39330,139,7,3,"Marshall: It's fantastic, Mr Cootes!"
39331,139,7,3,"Garrison: Well, I'm going. It's very funny because in fact I really have run away."
39332,139,7,3,Marshall: The crocodile you saw?
39333,139,7,3,"Garrison: He is coming, yes."
39334,139,7,3,GENERIC
39335,139,7,3,"Ted (2030): The next night, Barney and Nora saw each other for a coffee.Fortunately, without the neck brace ridiculous."
39336,139,7,3,"Barney: Hi Nora, thank you for coming."
39337,139,7,3,Nora: What happened to your neck?
39338,139,7,3,"Barney: My naked...? Oh, that's nothing. I was playing in a One Man Show at Fiddler. There was this scene..."
39339,139,7,3,"Nora: Wow, this one has a beautiful chest."
39340,139,7,3,"Barney, turning: What? Where? Oh, and sh1t."
39341,139,7,3,Nora: Breasts...
39342,139,7,3,"Barney: Wait, Nora, waiting... No, please. I'm sorry."
39343,139,7,3,Nora: What is wrong with you? What kind of people need to lie like that?
39344,139,7,3,"Barney: Someone who likes you, really. And suspicious, and probably accurately you do it over more later, and therefore he feels the need... I'm sorry, you spoke of this fantastic pair of tits, right? Because I seek, and I do not see them."
39345,139,7,3,Ted returned to his apartment.
39346,139,7,3,"Ted: I just had two rencards following. With two adorable girls, four cappuccinos and wait... (2 minutes later...) I do not know which was the best. Here are the girls: Jessica is a student in Rhode Island, she traveled around the world, speaks four languages and plays the piano. Claire and fought for the bill. So I do not know. It is torture. You see, the two girls have the potential to be really special. They both deserve a second round."
39347,139,7,3,Lily: Wait a minute. You're going to handle two girls at once? You do not think you should pick one before it gets too serious?
39348,139,7,3,"Ted: Define ""serious""."
39349,139,7,3,"Lily: Well, it's complicated. I think it would be when you have expectations, emotional involvement..."
39350,139,7,3,"Marshall: Third base. Seriously, third base."
39351,139,7,3,Ted: So I can go to the second two with no problem?
39352,139,7,3,Marshall: Treat yourself my friend. Treat yourself. Oh no.
39353,139,7,3,"Ted (2030): Since Mr. Cootes had mentioned the investigation, Marshall ran through internet. The majority of what he found was touching, seeing truly extraordinary, until..."
39354,139,7,3,Marshall: Poor. This is very bad.
39355,139,7,3,"Girl: Thank you, Stacy. Wesleyan has a cafeteria. Thank you to the generous donation of... Marshall arrives on camera, naked."
39356,139,7,3,Marshall: Oh! Oh! Someone there mentioned generous donation? I'm Marshall Eriksen. But you can call me Biercules!
39357,139,7,3,"Lily: Well, it could be anyone. And thin, I had forgotten this story Biercules.Who made this site first?"
39358,139,7,3,Marshall: Pete Durkenson.
39359,139,7,3,Ted: Of course.
39360,139,7,3,Robin: This is the guy who convinced you to run around campus naked?
39361,139,7,3,"Marshall: I wanted to join a club that I left three days later, because the clubs are stupid and elitist. And I also discovered that it was not a club."
39362,139,7,3,"Ted: Oh my God. This is huge! I am invited to the Ball of Architects, the annual gala honoring the greatest architects of the city. Oh no. You guys see the problem?"
39363,139,7,3,Robin: This is an annual gala that honors the greatest architects of the city?
39364,139,7,3,"Ted: Robin, this is the biggest celebrity event of the year. In taking a girl at the ball, man, you reached third base. Whatever the girl I invite, it will be the steady girlfriend of Ted Mosby by the end of the evening. Ok, we stop to sit between two chairs. Robin, bring me my notebook. It's time to make lists of pros and cons."
39365,139,7,3,Ted (2030): And the children they loved.
39366,139,7,3,Nora: Let me clarify something for you. I do not date guys who lie to me.
39367,139,7,3,"Barney: Okay, I did not know. Mea culpa. So, from now, more lies. I never lie to you. I'm serious. Ask me anything."
39368,139,7,3,Nora: OK Have you ever managed to get in bed with a woman that you lied?
39369,139,7,3,Barney: Have I ever... If I'm totally honest... Yes.
39370,139,7,3,Nora: More than once?
39371,139,7,3,"Barney: More than once... Wow, this is... I guess if we... so, technically, there were a number of times I've lied to a woman to sleep with her."
39372,139,7,3,Nora: They were worth what?
39373,139,7,3,"Barney: Nine or ten for most. There has been a 4 once. It was an easy girl.But, Nora, after that, I had to flee so fast. Honesty is good."
39374,139,7,3,Nora: What was the lie?
39375,139,7,3,Barney: You want me to tell all the lies I have told to put a woman in my bed?
39376,139,7,3,Nora: A bed or any other place where you're sent into the air.
39377,139,7,3,Barney: You are good.
39378,139,7,3,Marshall goes to meet Pete.
39379,139,7,3,"Marshall: Pete, Pete. Hey!"
39380,139,7,3,"Pete: Biercules! Come here, man."
39381,139,7,3,"Marshall: Hey, I tried to call you all night."
39382,139,7,3,"Pete: My God, sorry. I should have responded but it was Thursday night."
39383,139,7,3,Marshall: It is Sunday.
39384,139,7,3,"Pete: And you know what that means. ""Edward bottles with money""!"
39385,139,7,3,"Ted (2030): Children, Edward bottles for money is a game that involves taping two bottles of liquor at the base of the hands. The goal is to finish the two bottles. Oh my God, why am I telling you this? Good move."
39386,139,7,3,"Marshall: Ok, you know this old video of me?"
39387,139,7,3,Pete: I watch it every day.
39388,139,7,3,Marshall: You have to take away the internet. Genre immediately.
39389,139,7,3,"Pete: There are two ways for me to do it: Either you give me $ 4 million, or help me to go to the bathroom because I can not..."
39390,139,7,3,"Marshall: Yes, both are non-negotiable refusal."
39391,139,7,3,"Pete: So, I'm sorry we could not handle together. But if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of the game ""to Edward bottles of money,"" and the competition is raised."
39392,139,7,3,Marshall: Who are you playing anyway?
39393,139,7,3,Pete: Just myself.
39394,139,7,3,"Ted (2030): Meanwhile, Barney continued to list every lie he used to sleep."
39395,139,7,3,"Barney: I do not have time to explain how I got there. I just need someone to suck the poison. The surgeon gave me a new face, darling. You realize that I am alive? My name is David Beckham. If I castais only the white swan, is the role for you. No, I am a lesbian. What I wear is just very realistic."
39396,139,7,3,"Nora: Ok, let's move. What was the worst? The best of the worst? The cream of the crop?"
39397,139,7,3,"Barney: Oh, once I am the soul man. There was this pretty girl who only go out with black."
39398,139,7,3,"Woman: Barney! Oh no, I knew it."
39399,139,7,3,
39400,139,7,3,"Ted, Lily and Robin are in the apartment."
39401,139,7,3,Ted: I can not choose. They are both extraordinary.
39402,139,7,3,"Robin: If architects had only two bullets, eh Ted?"
39403,139,7,3,"Lily: I knew it. Ted, left or right?"
39404,139,7,3,"Ted: Yes, yes, good idea. Let fate decide? I will choose the left."
39405,139,7,3,"Lily, slapping him: Just called one of the two."
39406,139,7,3,"Robin: Ted, to your heart, you know that you love one more than the other.Believe me, takes the other."
39407,139,7,3,"Ted: Uh, I have perhaps not been clear is the... Robin Ball Architects.This event is a very hip."
39408,139,7,3,"Robin: Ok, name one celebrity who will be there."
39409,139,7,3,Ted: Lenny Kravitz.
39410,139,7,3,Robin: Lenny Kravitz will be there?
39411,139,7,3,Ted: Yes. He is there every year. And it's a rock star.
39412,139,7,3,"Robin: You know, Ted, in hindsight, it is too early to choose between these two girls. Takes a friend. Like, I dunno, maybe a friend who has a poster of Lenny Kravitz on his wall, and may or may not have dated this post and transported from his high school..."
39413,139,7,3,Ted: This list of pros and cons leads to nothing. I need a color scale.
39414,139,7,3,Lily and Robin: Scale of colors!
39415,139,7,3,"Ted (2030): And the children, we really sang."
39416,139,7,3,"Marshall: Pete, please. I am unemployed. I have a huge mortgage. A baby arriving. And I'm about to lose a job that I really need because of a drunken video of 15 years ago."
39417,139,7,3,"Pete: Ugh, you mean? Biercules, what's going on? Looks like you're another person. The guy in this video was cool. It had potential. It could have been president of a club one day."
39418,139,7,3,Marshall: There is no club.
39419,139,7,3,Pete: There he is just a troublemaker.
39420,139,7,3,"Marshall: It's not that I want to be a troublemaker. Fair, I must be one. I'll be a dad. You have children one day, you will understand."
39421,139,7,3,"Pete: Dude, I have 4 children."
39422,139,7,3,"Marshall: Pete, please, remove the video."
39423,139,7,3,"Pete: Ok, Biercules, I will remove it. If... you can beat me to the game of my choice."
39424,139,7,3,Marshall: Oh no.
39425,139,7,3,"Pete: And I choose the beautiful game, the sweet science..."
39426,139,7,3,"Marshall: Pete, please, I'm tired..."
39427,139,7,3,Pete: The sport of kings...
39428,139,7,3,Marshall: I do not want to play Edward bottles money.
39429,139,7,3,"Pete: I was going to the darts, but it's Edward bottles to money!"
39430,139,7,3,"Barney: And that made all the lies related to space. Let the world of sports. Oh wait, I forgot for a space: ""I was bitten by a snake space. You have to suck all the poison around my... """
39431,139,7,3,"Nora: Okay, Barney, I have things to work tomorrow at 8 am which means I have just enough time to spend 11h in my shower to wash away all that."
39432,139,7,3,"Barney: So that was cool. I can remember, or...?"
39433,139,7,3,"Nora: Barney, you're funny, beautiful, and really nice. But you are also a sociopath."
39434,139,7,3,"Barney: Well, I count three for and one against."
39435,139,7,3,Nora: How can you still believe you have a chance with me?
39436,139,7,3,"Barney: Because you are sat here all night. You could leave, but you did not. Listen, Nora, these lies, it was the old me. But I swear I try to change.You... make me want to change."
39437,139,7,3,Nora: How I know this is not a lie?
39438,139,7,3,Barney: I will prove it. I'll show you how much I'm serious. I will not leave this restaurant as I have not got a second date with you.
39439,139,7,3,Nora: Goodbye Barney.
39440,139,7,3,Barney: I do not laugh. It is a restaurant 24h/24. I will stay forever if necessary. And I will. Just water for me please.
39441,139,7,3,Ted shows the color scale to Lily and Robin.
39442,139,7,3,"Ted: Ok, so the red bar indicates the level of attractiveness, blue, intellectual stimulation, green, emotional connection, yellow, compatibility aspirations of life, and purple, so she tried to pay or not."
39443,139,7,3,"Lily: Well, it looks like Jessica wins in the first four categories."
39444,139,7,3,Ted: Do not fight in...
39445,139,7,3,Robin leaves his room in evening dress.
39446,139,7,3,"Robin: Oh, that? It's nothing. It cost me three months' rent, and uh, I have never worn because I bought it for a big party to which you would have asked what did not happen. But, you know what? Do not feel guilty."
39447,139,7,3,Ted: What big event?
39448,139,7,3,Robin: This thing with your uncle.
39449,139,7,3,"Ted: His funeral? It fell into the water, he emerged miraculously from his coma."
39450,139,7,3,Robin: And I forgive you. Now I can have my place and meet Lenny Kravitz?
39451,139,7,3,"Marshall returned to the apartment, drunk."
39452,139,7,3,Marshall: I've done it again!
39453,139,7,3,"Lily: Oh, dear. You're still drunk. I can not believe that I made the bet."
39454,139,7,3,"Marshall: Just to be clear, ""I've done it again!""... Am not referring to my current state of inebriation."
39455,139,7,3,Lily: What does it therefore reference?
39456,139,7,3,"Video shows Marshall, nude with two bottles taped hands."
39457,139,7,3,"Marshall: My name is Marshall Eriksen. I'm 33 and if my potential future employer, Garrison Cootes, look at this... Prostrate to Biercules!"
39458,139,7,3,Lily: Well... it could be anyone...
39459,139,7,3,The phone rings but Pete it in the hands taped to the bottles.
39460,139,7,3,"Pete: Oh, God..."
39461,139,7,3,Lily is on the phone.
39462,139,7,3,"Lily: Pete, it's Lily Aldrin. I'll be brief. You're going out this video of Marshall. You know why? Because I am friends with three girls with whom you came to school, and girls say it all together. Every small detail.Huh. So... tick, tick... Pete so goes the clock in the little dick."
39463,139,7,3,Ted: Pete has a small dick?
39464,139,7,3,"Lily: I have no idea. Well, what do you take?"
39465,139,7,3,"Marshall: It had to happen eventually. I tried so hard to suppress my... ""side-idiot-who-is-not-care-for nothing"" he rebelled and has struggled!"
39466,139,7,3,Robin: It's for sure!
39467,139,7,3,Marshall's voice: Look at me! I am a windmill!
39468,139,7,3,"Marshall: Who do I crazy? I'm not ready to be a father. I thought I was, but it's like... My father never did such things, you know?"
39469,139,7,3,"Lily: But if he did, you would love all the same. And to be honest, you do not love to come across a video of him running down the street naked shouting, ""Hey, Marshall, look at me! I have a stalactite on the head! """
39470,139,7,3,Barney rises behind Marshall and Lily.
39471,139,7,3,Barney: Oh! Hi guys! Oh! My neck! Uh... oh! Hey! Look at this!
39472,139,7,3,"Robin: Barney, what are you doing here?"
39473,139,7,3,"Barney: Oh, I told Nora that I would not leave until I have no second appointment, and I intend to do. I am here since 9 o'clock. I still need another minute. Say I'm crazy, but I'll stay here as long as it will not be returned."
39474,139,7,3,"Ted: That's what I want. Barney's feelings for Nora, I want to feel again. I do not want to choose between two girls. I want to be completely baba one of the two."
39475,139,7,3,"Lily: Yes, the stupid thing that makes us turn the head, pretty cool."
39476,139,7,3,"Marshall: It's not bad. Also, for posterity, a statement drunk guy! I would not drink again."
39477,139,7,3,Ted (2030): And of course...
39478,139,7,3,Flashback
39479,139,7,3,Barney and Marshall are at the casino.
39480,139,7,3,Marshall: Carpet Biercules! Yeah!
39481,139,7,3,"Ted (2030): But again, I digress."
39482,139,7,3,End flashback
39483,139,7,3,The next day the phone rings Marshall.
39484,139,7,3,Marshall: Hello?
39485,139,7,3,Garrison: Marshall! Garrison Cootes.
39486,139,7,3,"Marshall: Yes, Mr Cootes. How are you?"
39487,139,7,3,"Garrison: I wanted you to know we had conducted our inquiries, and there is something annoying."
39488,139,7,3,"Marshall: Sir, the fact is that..."
39489,139,7,3,"Garrison: The rainbow in this sample is definitely related to chemical plants. Ok, I... Skip a line... We love you! It takes you."
39490,139,7,3,"Marshall: It's fantastic. Thank you, Mr Cootes."
39491,139,7,3,"Garrison: Well, nothing. Oh, and when you're in the office, try to wear something Biercules. Ok? Wow, that was a big snake."
39492,139,7,3,"Marshall: Oh, there was a snake in the swamp?"
39493,139,7,3,"Garrison: No, I was talking about your pen1s. See you tomorrow."
39494,139,7,3,Marshall: I got the job.
39495,139,7,3,Lily: Yes!
39496,139,7,3,Marshall: And I think my boss is already sexually harassing me. But he saw the video and he does not care!
39497,139,7,3,Lily: Saw what? Maybe the video is not so bad after all.
39498,139,7,3,Marshall's phone rings again.
39499,139,7,3,Marshall: Yes. Hello?
39500,139,7,3,"Pete: Hey Marshall, I'm Pete Durkenson. We all went to Wesleyan."
39501,139,7,3,"Marshall: Yes, no, I know. Pete, we drank together yesterday."
39502,139,7,3,"Pete: Absolutely, now, the message from Lily makes sense. Listen, do not worry Bro ', I remove the video."
39503,139,7,3,Marshall: You know what? Let her.
39504,139,7,3,"Pete: As you wish, Biercules. (He hangs up and is in an operating room with a man on the table) Scalpel."
39505,139,7,3,Marshall: You know what? That's good. I want my children to see every part of me.
39506,139,7,3,Lily: Yes. Even the side where you route the East Village naked.
39507,139,7,3,Marshall: I will remember Pete.
39508,139,7,3,Lily: It's a good idea.
39509,139,7,3,"Ted (2030): That night, I brought Robin Bal."
39510,139,7,3,Robin: Thanks for taking me.
39511,139,7,3,"Ted: The pleasure is mine. And you know, you might find it interesting.Some of these guys represent the history of New York."
39512,139,7,3,"Robin: Yes, yes. Where is Lenny Kravitz?"
39513,139,7,3,"Ted: Right there. Leonard Kravitz, world-renowned architect. This guy is a star. He will make his famous reading of 90 minutes on the beams."
39514,139,7,3,"Robin: Well, great. I'll go find one myself and hang myself."
39515,139,7,3,Ted: Ok
39516,139,7,3,"Ted (2030): Children, you can not control when falling in love. It does not take days to think about. When this happens, you know quickly and with absolute certainty. I had forgotten. But reminded myself it was going."
39517,140,7,4,I can't believe I'm talking to a therapist.
39518,140,7,4,"Well, usually, I'm not the touchy-feely, talk-about-your-emotions type, but with this, I just had to be a big enough person to admit that I need help."
39519,140,7,4,Huh. I guess this is what growing up feels like.
39520,140,7,4,This is court-mandated therapy.
39521,140,7,4,You assaulted a woman.
39522,140,7,4,Oh...
39523,140,7,4,That silly thing.
39524,140,7,4,I guess we can talk about that.
39525,140,7,4,It all began a few months ago.
39526,140,7,4,"There's this guy, Barney. We used to date."
39527,140,7,4,"I set him up with this girl I work with, Nora."
39528,140,7,4,Barney was working hard to prove he was real boyfriend material.
39529,140,7,4,"So, all week, I had to sit there watching him..."
39530,140,7,4,send flowers... chocolates... balloons. Then one day...
39531,140,7,4,Hey...
39532,140,7,4,I heard Barney didn't send anything today.
39533,140,7,4,Patrice said maybe he met somebody else.
39534,140,7,4,"She's such a bitch, right?"
39535,140,7,4,♪ When a man loves a woman ♪♪ Can't keep his mind on nothin' else ♪
39536,140,7,4,He's so dreamy.
39537,140,7,4,"Nobody asked you, Patrice!"
39538,140,7,4,I'm sorry. You must already think that I'm a horrible person.
39539,140,7,4,"Robin, many of my patients are disturbed felons."
39540,140,7,4,"Last week, one of them mailed me a bag of his feces."
39541,140,7,4,"On the plus side, he remembered my birthday."
39542,140,7,4,You're doing fine.
39543,140,7,4,"Well, finally, I-I just couldn't take it anymore."
39544,140,7,4,I snapped.
39545,140,7,4,"♪ When a man, when a man, when this man ♪"
39546,140,7,4,♪ Loves a woman! ♪
39547,140,7,4,Aw...!
39548,140,7,4,And that's when the assault occurred?
39549,140,7,4,Not exactly.
39550,140,7,4,How I Met Your Mother 7x04
39551,140,7,4,The Stinson Missile Crisis
39552,140,7,4,"Original Air Date on October 3, 2011"
39553,140,7,4,"So, you're drunk under a desk, binge-eating stolen chocolates."
39554,140,7,4,"Boy, I am not coming across great here, am I?"
39555,140,7,4,This is not about how you're coming across.
39556,140,7,4,But no.
39557,140,7,4,"Okay, well, for this story to make sense, I have to tell you about my friends Marshall and Lily."
39558,140,7,4,The wine looks good.
39559,140,7,4,"Hey, hey, hey, hey, pregnant women can't drink alcohol."
39560,140,7,4,"No, my doctor says it's okay to have a sip of wine every now and then."
39561,140,7,4,Really?
39562,140,7,4,Dr. Sonya's great.
39563,140,7,4,"Whenever you ask her if you can have something, she's, like..."
39564,140,7,4,Just a little bit.
39565,140,7,4,"Wait, Dr. Sonya doesn't let you have sushi, does she?"
39566,140,7,4,Just a little bit.
39567,140,7,4,You're allowed to have Cheetos?
39568,140,7,4,Cheetos...
39569,140,7,4,"Ah, just a little bit."
39570,140,7,4,You mind if I double-check some of this stuff just in case?
39571,140,7,4,"I mean, it's the least I could do as part of Team Baby. ""Team Baby""? Whoa. What's next, like, cheesy matching T-shirts?"
39572,140,7,4,No.
39573,140,7,4,"Robin, I've had serial killers lead me to shallow graves faster than you're telling this story."
39574,140,7,4,"Okay! Look, it was getting impossible for me to be around Nora, so when an opportunity to get rid of her presented itself..."
39575,140,7,4,It's Sandy time!
39576,140,7,4,"Huddle up, gang."
39577,140,7,4,Two things: 1) Somebody stole a very expensive bottle of wine from my office...
39578,140,7,4,2) I need a producer to cover the G8 Summit in France.
39579,140,7,4,Nora will do it!
39580,140,7,4,"I mean, I know I have seniority, but..."
39581,140,7,4,I was gonna ask Nora anyway.
39582,140,7,4,"Thanks for the support, Robin. This is huge for me."
39583,140,7,4,"Are, are you sure about this, Sandy?"
39584,140,7,4,I do have seniority.
39585,140,7,4,"Oh, I'm sure. Nora's amazing."
39586,140,7,4,I want to have s*x with her.
39587,140,7,4,"To deal with that rejection from Barney, not to mention your boss... must've really hurt."
39588,140,7,4,Why don't we dig into those emotions?
39589,140,7,4,So Marshall and Lily were at Dr. Sonya's office...
39590,140,7,4,It's fascinating how profoundly little I know about vaginas.
39591,140,7,4,Come in.
39592,140,7,4,"Ted, what are you doing here?!"
39593,140,7,4,"I checked up on all the stuff this ""doctor"" says is okay, and she's wrong."
39594,140,7,4,"So, for the health of this baby, I'm stepping in."
39595,140,7,4,Sounds like this Ted guy could benefit from some therapy.
39596,140,7,4,"Oh, he definitely could."
39597,140,7,4,This is unacceptable.
39598,140,7,4,"I'm sorry, we're gonna have to find a new doctor."
39599,140,7,4,"Guys, for the health of our baby, Our? we have to get serious about what Lily is putting in her body."
39600,140,7,4,"Speaking of which, when we deliver, we won't be using any drugs."
39601,140,7,4,Get out!
39602,140,7,4,Why are you kicking me out?!
39603,140,7,4,Because you're always intruding on our intimate moments!
39604,140,7,4,This is like college all over again!
39605,140,7,4,"Man, you guys sure are messy!"
39606,140,7,4,There's clothes everywhere.
39607,140,7,4,There's even a sock on the door!
39608,140,7,4,"A sock on the door is a universal code for ""We need some space."""
39609,140,7,4,"We needed it back then, and we need it now."
39610,140,7,4,Come on! We're a trio!
39611,140,7,4,We've always been a trio!
39612,140,7,4,We're right up there with Batman and Robin and Alfred.
39613,140,7,4,Out!
39614,140,7,4,Romeo and Juliet and the Apothecary.
39615,140,7,4,Now!
39616,140,7,4,Salt and Pepper and Cumin!
39617,140,7,4,What's that little guy up there do?
39618,140,7,4,"Oh, you poor girl."
39619,140,7,4,Robin!
39620,140,7,4,"It all ties together, I swear."
39621,140,7,4,"So, Nora was about to leave for France."
39622,140,7,4,"You know, not too long ago, I would have been worried that if I left you alone, you'd be up to no good with some blond bimbo."
39623,140,7,4,"Oh, I've changed."
39624,140,7,4,"I know, which is why when I get back, it's gonna be the start of a new chapter for us."
39625,140,7,4,A chapter of me and you and hopefully not that tie.
39626,140,7,4,You got me!
39627,140,7,4,Have a nice trip!
39628,140,7,4,"Dr. Stinson? I saw your ad, and I'm here for my free breast-reduction consultation."
39629,140,7,4,What do you think?
39630,140,7,4,Are they too big?
39631,140,7,4,I can't believe you're still running plays on dumb blondes!
39632,140,7,4,I thought you were serious about Nora!
39633,140,7,4,"No, I've been good, I swear!"
39634,140,7,4,I just forgot about my BDSes.
39635,140,7,4,BDSes?
39636,140,7,4,Bimbo Delivery Systems.
39637,140,7,4,"You see, over the years, I've launched a variety of elaborate systems that are always working to get me laid."
39638,140,7,4,Like my pop-up ads.
39639,140,7,4,"Oh, hi. I'm Dr. Barney Stinson."
39640,140,7,4,Are your really large breasts making everyday tasks difficult?
39641,140,7,4,Oh!
39642,140,7,4,There's just got to be a better way!
39643,140,7,4,There is!
39644,140,7,4,"I, Dr. Barney Stinson, for a limited time only, can give you a free breast-reduction consultation."
39645,140,7,4,Call me.
39646,140,7,4,"If your knockers are just too damn big, I can handle them... it."
39647,140,7,4,Women actually fell for that?
39648,140,7,4,Yeah. That business really took off.
39649,140,7,4,It played in all kinds of markets.
39650,140,7,4,"Okay, survivors, today's reward challenge is brought to you by Dr. Barney Stinson's Free Breast Reduction Consultations."
39651,140,7,4,"That scam was so successful, it spawned a related enterprise."
39652,140,7,4,"If you've been fooled by a well-endowed man who claimed to be a doctor offering free breast-reduction consultations, come see me, Arnie Linson, attorney-at-law, and join my class-action suit."
39653,140,7,4,"If your giant breasts have been wronged, I can handle them... it."
39654,140,7,4,I got 'em comin' and goin'!
39655,140,7,4,Uh-huh.
39656,140,7,4,I can't believe you go to so much trouble to get laid.
39657,140,7,4,"Yeah, sometimes I don't even have to shower."
39658,140,7,4,Mama loves it musky.
39659,140,7,4,I gotta shut down all these systems before Nora gets back.
39660,140,7,4,How am I gonna do all that in three days?
39661,140,7,4,I'll help you.
39662,140,7,4,"Maybe you should write on your little chart there: ""Patient selflessly tried to help a friend in need."""
39663,140,7,4,"First of all, this is a crossword puzzle."
39664,140,7,4,"Secondly, you were clearly planning on using those three days to steal Barney back."
39665,140,7,4,I am his friend! How dare you!
39666,140,7,4,"God, you think you're so smart just because you went to Harvard and then Princeton and then... wow, Harvard again."
39667,140,7,4,"Okay, yes, fine."
39668,140,7,4,I was... I was trying to steal him back.
39669,140,7,4,"This is good. You're finally opening up and talking about yourself, not just what Marshall and Lily were up to."
39670,140,7,4,"Oh, yeah, so Marshall and Lily were folding laundry..."
39671,140,7,4,That one's my fault.
39672,140,7,4,You know...
39673,140,7,4,Never mind.
39674,140,7,4,It's just...
39675,140,7,4,Forget it.
39676,140,7,4,"Marshall, you're a grown-ass man."
39677,140,7,4,"If you want to say something, just say it."
39678,140,7,4,"I feel bad for Ted! And if my mom were here, she would ask me what was wrong."
39679,140,7,4,You feel bad for Ted?!
39680,140,7,4,It's tough feeling like the third wheel.
39681,140,7,4,"Okay, first of all, I'm sure Ted's fine."
39682,140,7,4,Who eats salt and pepper without cumin?
39683,140,7,4,"Second, Ted is way off base coming after Dr. Sonya."
39684,140,7,4,We love her! Right?
39685,140,7,4,Don't tell me you're doubting Dr. Sonya!
39686,140,7,4,Just a little bit.
39687,140,7,4,
39688,140,7,4,What's that thing?
39689,140,7,4,"Well, for some women, it was the ashes of my parents."
39690,140,7,4,"For others, it was the trophy from Wimbledon."
39691,140,7,4,"And believe it or not, for one busty dullard, it was both."
39692,140,7,4,"Game, enormous set, match."
39693,140,7,4,Hello?
39694,140,7,4,"Oh, yeah, thanks for calling me back."
39695,140,7,4,"Uh, Barney, It's Mitch from the Port Authority."
39696,140,7,4,"Port Authority Mitch. You'd always call me whenever a wide-eyed farm girl would get off the bus with big dreams of Broadway and no idea what a ""casting director"" could legally ask her to do, hold or lick during an audition."
39697,140,7,4,"I'm sorry, old friend, your services are no longer needed."
39698,140,7,4,"Oh, God, I can't believe I'm doing this over the phone!"
39699,140,7,4,My love to Marge and the kids!
39700,140,7,4,I know. Here.
39701,140,7,4,"I didn't realize this would be so hard! I know, I know."
39702,140,7,4,"But hey, you know what? We're almost through our checklist."
39703,140,7,4,Okay? Okay?
39704,140,7,4,Okay.
39705,140,7,4,"Which reminds me, why am I calling a hair salon and saying, ""Jack Fantastic is quitting""?"
39706,140,7,4,"Sweetheart, it's like Maya Angelou keeps telling Oprah, and I keep telling you: When you know better, you do better."
39707,140,7,4,"Wow, you are so wise."
39708,140,7,4,I wish you were straight so I could date you.
39709,140,7,4,"Well... as a matter of fact, I have an extremely attractive straight twin brother!"
39710,140,7,4,"Oh, hi."
39711,140,7,4,I cropped that Halloween photo.
39712,140,7,4,"It's just salt and pepper, now, so it looks ridiculous."
39713,140,7,4,"Ted, I want you back on Team Baby. What?"
39714,140,7,4,I knew you'd come around!
39715,140,7,4,Guys! I didn't really crop the photo!
39716,140,7,4,Plus...
39717,140,7,4,Good news.
39718,140,7,4,I signed us up for a birthing class.
39719,140,7,4,"Well, that's insane."
39720,140,7,4,"It's way too early for that, right, Marshall?"
39721,140,7,4,"Okay, listen. I am the father of this child, and I vote that we go to the birthing class."
39722,140,7,4,"Absolutely not. 'Kay, Lily."
39723,140,7,4,I hate to play this card... but if you don't come to this class...
39724,140,7,4,I'm withholding s*x.
39725,140,7,4,I don't think she's coming.
39726,140,7,4,Yeah.
39727,140,7,4,I was a little suspicious when she had us take separate cabs.
39728,140,7,4,"Lily, don't do it!"
39729,140,7,4,Just a little bit.
39730,140,7,4,Think about our baby!
39731,140,7,4,"You got to be kidding me, Robin. Get to the assault."
39732,140,7,4,"Okay, fine."
39733,140,7,4,So Barney and I were finishing packing his apartment...
39734,140,7,4,Okay. One last item on the checklist.
39735,140,7,4,Disconnect the Cold Call 5000.
39736,140,7,4,What the hell's that?
39737,140,7,4,I was able to secure the customer database from a company that sells body glitter and high-end pasties.
39738,140,7,4,"The Cold Call 5000 will dial every female client between the ages of 22 and 23, and leave the following message: Hi, I know this is crazy, but I saw you on the subway, and I knew we were meant to be."
39739,140,7,4,"If you believe in destiny, come to MacLaren's tonight and find me, Barney Stinson."
39740,140,7,4,Because I have this feeling that I'm supposed to be on you--
39741,140,7,4,with you.
39742,140,7,4,Why not re-record it?
39743,140,7,4,I did like a hundred takes. It kept happening.
39744,140,7,4,I can't believe Lily's not coming!
39745,140,7,4,You know what? Screw it!
39746,140,7,4,Who says that two bros can't rock a birthing class?
39747,140,7,4,Rock it!
39748,140,7,4,"Today, we'll be exploring ""The Sensual Massage."""
39749,140,7,4,Let's start by gently cupping our partner's hands... and just breathe each other in.
39750,140,7,4,"Thanks, Robin."
39751,140,7,4,You're the only person I know who would help me do all that.
39752,140,7,4,You're a real bro.
39753,140,7,4,"Am I, though? 'Cause I'm really more of a woman."
39754,140,7,4,To my femininity.
39755,140,7,4,"Nah, you're more of a bro."
39756,140,7,4,You're a dude. You're a man.
39757,140,7,4,"Hey, you are flying solo one more night."
39758,140,7,4,"How about I put on a smokin' hot dress, you slap a vest over that crime scene of a tie and we paint the town?"
39759,140,7,4,"I mean, when was the last time we got rip-roaring drunk in clothing that highlights our genders?"
39760,140,7,4,"So, your plan was to be out on the town, dressed provocatively, drinking with another woman's man."
39761,140,7,4,"Robin, this is our first session, and I know this is just one clinical opinion, but... you a dawg!"
39762,140,7,4,Yeah...
39763,140,7,4,There was just one problem...
39764,140,7,4,Surprise!
39765,140,7,4,I got back early!
39766,140,7,4,Hey!
39767,140,7,4,"Let me guess,"
39768,140,7,4,you got drunk under your desk again?
39769,140,7,4,"No, Mr. Harvard. I handled things a little differently..."
39770,140,7,4,"So, I suppose now you want me to talk about how it felt watching Barney and Nora walk off together, right?"
39771,140,7,4,I'd rather just skip ahead to the assault.
39772,140,7,4,My next patient thinks he's God.
39773,140,7,4,"On the off chance that he's right, I really don't want to keep him waiting."
39774,140,7,4,"Well, right after they left, something crazy happened."
39775,140,7,4,"Excuse me, do you know where I can find Barney Stinson?"
39776,140,7,4,He saw me on the subway and left me a message to meet him here.
39777,140,7,4,Why not re-record it?
39778,140,7,4,I did like a hundred takes. It kept happening.
39779,140,7,4,"Hi, I know this is crazy, but I saw you on the subway..."
39780,140,7,4,He asked me if I believed in destiny. And I do.
39781,140,7,4,We are so meant to be.
39782,140,7,4,Where can I find him?
39783,140,7,4,So I was faced with a moral dilemma.
39784,140,7,4,"Unleash this nut bag on them or be a bigger person, and help my friend."
39785,140,7,4,"Barney's at Café L'Amour,"
39786,140,7,4,75th and Amsterdam.
39787,140,7,4,Awesome!
39788,140,7,4,"No, wait, wait, wait!"
39789,140,7,4,"Okay, this isn't right."
39790,140,7,4,"Let's pop that top button, show off your gals."
39791,140,7,4,"Ooh! Good luck, go get 'em!"
39792,140,7,4,Let your love come through your fingers.
39793,140,7,4,"Dude, the rule is no moaning and keep your eyes open at all times."
39794,140,7,4,Stop being weird.
39795,140,7,4,"And hey, when do I get to be the woman?"
39796,140,7,4,"Now remember, the most important thing in pregnancy is to keep Mom calm and happy."
39797,140,7,4,She knows best what she needs.
39798,140,7,4,Trust her.
39799,140,7,4,"Now, Papas, I want you to take Mom's hands in yours, look deep into her eyes, and repeat after me."
39800,140,7,4,I believe in you.
39801,140,7,4,I believe in you.
39802,140,7,4,I honor your body's wisdom.
39803,140,7,4,I honor your body's wisdom.
39804,140,7,4,Your womb is a temple.
39805,140,7,4,Your womb is a--
39806,140,7,4,"Okay, I get it!"
39807,140,7,4,I feel terrible we didn't listen to what Lily wanted!
39808,140,7,4,"I know, so do I."
39809,140,7,4,"The truth is, I thought I'd be married by now and going through all this stuff alongside you guys."
39810,140,7,4,"But even if I meet the girl of my dreams right this second, I'm still one night and nine months away from having a family of my own."
39811,140,7,4,And that's assuming the mother of my children is just a huge slut.
39812,140,7,4,"Don't lose hope, Ted."
39813,140,7,4,That slut is out there.
39814,140,7,4,"Thanks, buddy."
39815,140,7,4,We owe Lily an apology.
39816,140,7,4,Yeah.
39817,140,7,4,"Dads, this is the time that I'll answer every question you've ever had about vaginas."
39818,140,7,4,Damn it!
39819,140,7,4,Hey.
39820,140,7,4,"I'm so sorry, Lily."
39821,140,7,4,You have just a little bit.
39822,140,7,4,"I realize now that it's my job for the next seven months to keep you happy, and that's why..."
39823,140,7,4,I'm no longer withholding s*x.
39824,140,7,4,My hero.
39825,140,7,4,"But I want to make sure that you feel comfortable with Dr. Sonya, too."
39826,140,7,4,"I do. And you know what, the fact that she's so calm and laid back, maybe that's not a bad thing."
39827,140,7,4,Maybe that's exactly what we're gonna want in that delivery room.
39828,140,7,4,"Lily, if you don't push, I will shove this baby up your throat and pull it out of your mouth!"
39829,140,7,4,Where the hell is Marshall?!
39830,140,7,4,"That's a crazy story, kids. I'll get to that."
39831,140,7,4,"Hey, Ted's out in the hall. He wants to apologize, too."
39832,140,7,4,Hey.
39833,140,7,4,What happened to your sock?
39834,140,7,4,"Long story. Bottom line, I realized that sometimes love means taking a step back."
39835,140,7,4,"Well, not always."
39836,140,7,4,"I mean, sometimes it's better to interfere and sabotage stuff, right?"
39837,140,7,4,"Well, I think if you care about somebody, you should want them to be happy, even if you wind up being left out."
39838,140,7,4,Wow.
39839,140,7,4,"The lesson you learned with Lily and Marshall is directly applicable to my situation, and is therefore a valid part of how I'll eventually tell this story."
39840,140,7,4,Really?
39841,140,7,4,That's how that went down?
39842,140,7,4,"Point is, it all tied together, right?"
39843,140,7,4,Not really at all.
39844,140,7,4,Can we just get to the assault?
39845,140,7,4,To us!
39846,140,7,4,"Barney, it's me!"
39847,140,7,4,"I love you, Barney!"
39848,140,7,4,"Mmm, scallops look good."
39849,140,7,4,"Oh, they are."
39850,140,7,4,"But the last time I was here they ran out, so, uh... knock... on... wood."
39851,140,7,4,"Well, I have my eye on the red velvet cake for dessert."
39852,140,7,4,Lovely. Splitsies?
39853,140,7,4,"Nah, I want it all to myself."
39854,140,7,4,Really?
39855,140,7,4,Arm wrestle for it?
39856,140,7,4,No!
39857,140,7,4,All right.
39858,140,7,4,I love this place.
39859,140,7,4,"Thank you, babe."
39860,140,7,4,You're welcome.
39861,140,7,4,Babe.
39862,140,7,4,Barney doesn't know a thing about any of this.
39863,140,7,4,But that's why I got court-mandated therapy.
39864,140,7,4,You must think I'm nuts.
39865,140,7,4,I think you're a really good friend.
39866,140,7,4,Really?
39867,140,7,4,Really.
39868,140,7,4,"As far as I'm concerned, there was no criminal intent to this assault."
39869,140,7,4,"Well, thanks, Doc!"
39870,140,7,4,"Well, look at us!"
39871,140,7,4,We got this wrapped up in one session.
39872,140,7,4,"Go us, right?"
39873,140,7,4,Now let's discuss how you keyed the judge's car.
39874,140,7,4,Okay. Um...
39875,140,7,4,"Here's how it happened: Marshall and Lily were supposed to go to the zoo-- okay, it all ties together, I swear. Now..."
39876,141,7,5,"Narrator: Kids, in October 2011, your Aunt Robin was in therapy. And against all logic, it was actually going well."
39877,141,7,5,But why?
39878,141,7,5,Why-why am I constantly looking for reasons not to be happy?
39879,141,7,5,Maybe because the idea of finally being happy... terrifies you.
39880,141,7,5,"Bro, you are killing it today."
39881,141,7,5,Pshh!
39882,141,7,5,We got something good here.
39883,141,7,5,We are totes gonna conquer my fear of abandonment!
39884,141,7,5,I can't see you anymore.
39885,141,7,5,"(laughs) Nice. ""Oh, no! You're abandoning me!"""
39886,141,7,5,"Oh, no. You're abandoning me?"
39887,141,7,5,I'm sorry. I'm moving to Alaska.
39888,141,7,5,Narrator: And that might have been the end of it.
39889,141,7,5,But a week later...
39890,141,7,5,Kevin?!
39891,141,7,5,What are you doing here?
39892,141,7,5,"Okay, look, I lied to you about moving to Alaska."
39893,141,7,5,I-I had to stop seeing you.
39894,141,7,5,Why? 'Cause I think you're cute.
39895,141,7,5,"And ethically, I can't be your therapist if I'm attracted to you."
39896,141,7,5,"Oh, I get it. You dump me as a patient just so you can ask me out?"
39897,141,7,5,I'm not gonna ask you out.
39898,141,7,5,You're not?
39899,141,7,5,No. We met in therapy.
39900,141,7,5,It's inappropriate for me to date a patient.
39901,141,7,5,"Anyway, it was nice seeing you."
39902,141,7,5,"Hey, wait."
39903,141,7,5,"How do you define ""date""?"
39904,141,7,5,"Two people having a meal together, sitting across the table making googly eyes at each other..."
39905,141,7,5,"What about two people eating alone, sitting side by side, making googly eyes at the coffee maker?"
39906,141,7,5,"Okay, it's not a date."
39907,141,7,5,Exactly. Not a date.
39908,141,7,5,"Narrator: And so Robin and Kevin had breakfast alone, side by side every day that week."
39909,141,7,5,Until finally...
39910,141,7,5,"Oh, hey!"
39911,141,7,5,Sorry. No cabs.
39912,141,7,5,Ran 40 blocks all the way here.
39913,141,7,5,"May have knocked an old lady into the street, don't know, I didn't look back."
39914,141,7,5,Let's just go on a real date.
39915,141,7,5,"Yeah, that might be a good idea."
39916,141,7,5,Finally!
39917,141,7,5,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x05 ♪
39918,141,7,5,Field Trip
39919,141,7,5,"Original Air Date on October 10, 2011"
39920,141,7,5,♪
39921,141,7,5,"Oh, I can't wait to see that movie."
39922,141,7,5,Is it good?
39923,141,7,5,"Awesome. Wait, totally hypothetically, do you like movies with a shocking twist where all the main characters die at the end?"
39924,141,7,5,Yes.
39925,141,7,5,You will love this movie.
39926,141,7,5,"Hey, guys."
39927,141,7,5,"Hey, Marshall. What's up?"
39928,141,7,5,"Well, I'll tell you what's up."
39929,141,7,5,"You know how my boss, Garrison Cootes, is, like, the most famous environmental lawyer in the world?"
39930,141,7,5,All: Yeah...
39931,141,7,5,"I mean, it's him or the other guy."
39932,141,7,5,Sir Anthony Howel?
39933,141,7,5,All: Yeah...
39934,141,7,5,"Anyway, he's an important guy, okay?"
39935,141,7,5,"And so today at work, I was trying to show him that I'm tough."
39936,141,7,5,I've been thinking about this settlement offer we're about to get from Gruber Pharmaceuticals.
39937,141,7,5,"If it's anything less than $20 million, then I'm gonna grab those corporate Earth rapists by their..."
39938,141,7,5,"Okay, I'm just gonna say something."
39939,141,7,5,"I'm growing a child in my belly, a child that just developed ears."
39940,141,7,5,This is a very thin sweater.
39941,141,7,5,"So please, if you must tell your story... just make it cheerful."
39942,141,7,5,Cheerful.
39943,141,7,5,Okay...
39944,141,7,5,"Then I'm gonna grab those corporate... employees... by their sweaty, dangling... hands... and squeeze until those greedy sons of... parents... realize that I'm the baddest mother... nature lover around."
39945,141,7,5,It's like watching
39946,141,7,5,The Breakfast Club on TBS.
39947,141,7,5,So what did he say?
39948,141,7,5,"Marshall, bend down so I can put my arm around you."
39949,141,7,5,That's all the way down. That's good.
39950,141,7,5,"Gruber Pharmaceuticals is a company full of well-meaning people doing their jobs, just like you and me."
39951,141,7,5,"Guys, I'm afraid that Garrison Cootes has gone soft!"
39952,141,7,5,He's like a teddy bear!
39953,141,7,5,A teddy bear or an Ewok?
39954,141,7,5,"You know, cute and cuddly around the village, but once the battle starts..."
39955,141,7,5,He'll smash in your metal skull with giant swinging logs.
39956,141,7,5,Marshall!
39957,141,7,5,"Okay, he'll hug you until you agree to peaceably shut down the Death Star."
39958,141,7,5,"Nora: Hi, sweetie."
39959,141,7,5,Hey.
39960,141,7,5,What are we all talking about?
39961,141,7,5,Ewoks.
39962,141,7,5,"Ugh, I hate the Ewoks."
39963,141,7,5,The only good thing about Ewoks in that movie?
39964,141,7,5,You got to see some of them die.
39965,141,7,5,"Well, I fancy a pint."
39966,141,7,5,Nora hates Ewoks.
39967,141,7,5,"Well, I have to break up with her."
39968,141,7,5,"Be gentle when you tell her, guys."
39969,141,7,5,I'll call you from Vegas. Tell me how it went. Okay.
39970,141,7,5,"Okay, Barney!"
39971,141,7,5,Sit down!
39972,141,7,5,Not liking Ewoks is no reason not to date somebody.
39973,141,7,5,"Yeah, I mean, who knows what the rules are, ya know?"
39974,141,7,5,"I mean, you're dating a girl who doesn't like Ewoks, I'm dating my former therapist."
39975,141,7,5,Oh!
39976,141,7,5,Eww!
39977,141,7,5,We are gentlemen of Harvard!
39978,141,7,5,It's not a big deal!
39979,141,7,5,"Robin, if you asked a hundred people, ""Who's the worst person you could possibly date?"" they'd all say, ""Your therapist."""
39980,141,7,5,"Except the ones saying ""Barney."""
39981,141,7,5,"Hey! Yeah, that tracks."
39982,141,7,5,"Well, I should get going."
39983,141,7,5,I got the big field trip tomorrow.
39984,141,7,5,Field trip?
39985,141,7,5,Yeah. I'm taking my Intro to Architecture class to the GNB Tower construction site.
39986,141,7,5,I'm trying to get them interested in architecture as a career.
39987,141,7,5,Why? Are we running out of buildings?
39988,141,7,5,Are we running out of boring people?
39989,141,7,5,"Guys, this is a big deal, okay?"
39990,141,7,5,If I can get just one kid interested in becoming an architect...
39991,141,7,5,"Okay, I'm just gonna stop you right there."
39992,141,7,5,"Ted, it's an Intro class."
39993,141,7,5,"Yeah, don't try to"
39994,141,7,5,Stand and Deliver
39995,141,7,5,an Intro class.
39996,141,7,5,Nobody takes an Intro class to get on any other path but the path to not being hungover anymore.
39997,141,7,5,I learned that in my Intro to something-ology class.
39998,141,7,5,"Well that's fine for something-ology, but tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. sharp Intro to Architecture is going on a field trip!"
39999,141,7,5,All 200 of 'em.
40000,141,7,5,"Well, it's 9:45."
40001,141,7,5,I guess the other 170
40002,141,7,5,"of you got lost, so we'll just start."
40003,141,7,5,"Now, some might say you guys are just taking this class because it's easy or because you've confused architecture with archaeology and think we're gonna do some cool Indiana Jones stuff today."
40004,141,7,5,But I think that...
40005,141,7,5,"I think just maybe, we got some future architects in the house."
40006,141,7,5,Show of hands: who's thinking about a career in architecture?
40007,141,7,5,"Well, today, all that's gonna change."
40008,141,7,5,Follow me.
40009,141,7,5,"Hey. Uh, sorry, nobody gets in here without a site pass."
40010,141,7,5,"It's okay, I'm Ted Mosby, the architect of this building."
40011,141,7,5,I don't care if you're the archaeologist of this building.
40012,141,7,5,Site's closed.
40013,141,7,5,Moving on!
40014,141,7,5,"Narrator: That morning, Marshall's firm was getting the settlement offer from Gruber Pharmaceuticals, and Marshall couldn't wait to see the teddy bear turn into an Ewok."
40015,141,7,5,"Gruber Pharmaceuticals dumped toxic waste into Frog Creek, a tributary of the Trout River that feeds into Clearwater Lake."
40016,141,7,5,All three of which now need new names.
40017,141,7,5,So it's time to win one for Mother Earth.
40018,141,7,5,"Let's take out the trash, shall we?!"
40019,141,7,5,Yes!
40020,141,7,5,"All right, everyone grab a bag."
40021,141,7,5,"Blue is recycling, green, compost."
40022,141,7,5,There we go.
40023,141,7,5,Sheila... we're ready to hear your offer.
40024,141,7,5,"$24,000?"
40025,141,7,5,"Yeah , that seems reasonable."
40026,141,7,5,"Narrator: Kids, I was wandering the city with 25 Intro to Architecture students when your Uncle Barney came to my rescue."
40027,141,7,5,"Okay, guys, seeing a building get built, not that exciting."
40028,141,7,5,What's really exciting is the financial side of...
40029,141,7,5,"Sit down, Ted, I got this."
40030,141,7,5,"Hey, Weird Beard, lights!"
40031,141,7,5,College... it's a confusing time.
40032,141,7,5,"Oh, no."
40033,141,7,5,Studies show that 83% of all college students desperately need... s*x lessons!
40034,141,7,5,Lights!
40035,141,7,5,"Barney, these are"
40036,141,7,5,18-year-olds!
40037,141,7,5,"Ted, these are 18-year-olds!"
40038,141,7,5,You have a girlfriend.
40039,141,7,5,But she doesn't like Ewoks!
40040,141,7,5,So what?
40041,141,7,5,"So what?! Bieber, lights!"
40042,141,7,5,"In 1983, George Lucas introduced the world to the Ewoks, a race of creatures indigenous to the second moon of Endor."
40043,141,7,5,"Now, the Ewoks have a rich back-story that the movie didn't really go into."
40044,141,7,5,"Barney, why don't you just skip to the part about you and Nora?"
40045,141,7,5,(sighs) Fine.
40046,141,7,5,"Ah, yes."
40047,141,7,5,"Ultimately, Ewoks split Star Wars fandom into two camps: those born before, and those born after May 25, 1973: the Ewok Line."
40048,141,7,5,"Anyone born on this side of the Ewok Line was at least ten years old when Jedi came out, and thus too old for something so cloying and cute."
40049,141,7,5,"Anyone born on this side loved the Ewoks because, why?"
40050,141,7,5,They reminded you of...
40051,141,7,5,Our teddies?
40052,141,7,5,They reminded you of your teddies.
40053,141,7,5,"Thank you, Gina."
40054,141,7,5,How do you know her name?
40055,141,7,5,"And so... by the immutable laws of the Ewok Line, my 29-year-old girlfriend who hates Ewoks must in fact be no younger than... 37."
40056,141,7,5,That's only a year younger than Will's mom.
40057,141,7,5,How do you know my mom? Class dismissed!
40058,141,7,5,I need to be alone.
40059,141,7,5,"All right, we're moving on."
40060,141,7,5,"Ooh, can I come?"
40061,141,7,5,(cell phone rings)
40062,141,7,5,"Hey, baby."
40063,141,7,5,"Hey, I just want to remind you we have Dr. Sonya at 4:00."
40064,141,7,5,I'll be there. I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm bummed.
40065,141,7,5,"We got our settlement offer today: $24,000 from a billion-dollar company."
40066,141,7,5,Wow. I take it people aren't happy about that.
40067,141,7,5,We won! Champagne and cake for everybody!
40068,141,7,5,They're celebrating.
40069,141,7,5,"I mean, it's crazy."
40070,141,7,5,We have no right to be eating cake.
40071,141,7,5,There's cake?! I'm on my way!
40072,141,7,5,
40073,141,7,5,"Narrator: Meanwhile, the worst field trip of all time was still trucking."
40074,141,7,5,"All right, this, this is exciting, okay?"
40075,141,7,5,This is the very room where I had the idea for the GNB Tower.
40076,141,7,5,"Now, Webster's defines ""inspiration"" as..."
40077,141,7,5,Hold on. It's still loading.
40078,141,7,5,"Uh, hey, roomie."
40079,141,7,5,"Robin! Hey, what are you doing here?"
40080,141,7,5,"Well, I was about to get my swerve on."
40081,141,7,5,You were?
40082,141,7,5,So you're the therapist.
40083,141,7,5,"You know, it's one thing to pretend to be a shrink and bang your patients. That's normal."
40084,141,7,5,"But to do it for real? A little creepy, bro."
40085,141,7,5,"Okay, it's not creepy."
40086,141,7,5,Both: Ehhhh... it's creepy.
40087,141,7,5,"Class, show of hands: Who thinks it's creepy to date your therapist?"
40088,141,7,5,Pollstered.
40089,141,7,5,Get out!
40090,141,7,5,All right. We're moving on!
40091,141,7,5,"So, class, to your left, you will see some excellent examples of what we'd call windows."
40092,141,7,5,So where are we going now?
40093,141,7,5,I have no idea.
40094,141,7,5,This is a disaster.
40095,141,7,5,Some of them are already starting to go home.
40096,141,7,5,Although we seem to have picked up a German family.
40097,141,7,5,Barney: Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
40098,141,7,5,That thing with Robin and her creepy therapist gave me an idea.
40099,141,7,5,"Ted, we have here a way to solve every single debate we've ever had!"
40100,141,7,5,"I mean, just look at the sample: guys, girls, blacks, Asians, a German family."
40101,141,7,5,You can't pay for that kind of focus group!
40102,141,7,5,Is macaroni salad really a salad?
40103,141,7,5,"Hands up if you say ""no."""
40104,141,7,5,Ha!
40105,141,7,5,Jacob or Edward?
40106,141,7,5,Who says Edward?
40107,141,7,5,"Ha, ha. See? I told you."
40108,141,7,5,It's Edward James Olmos.
40109,141,7,5,Would you rather have s*x with a dead human being or a live an...? Dude.
40110,141,7,5,What? Find the line.
40111,141,7,5,Who thinks David Hasselhoff is awesome?
40112,141,7,5,Hmm. It's true.
40113,141,7,5,"Okay. I've got one. If you're dating a girl, and she lies about her age, who says break up with her?"
40114,141,7,5,"Yes, yes, but what if the person she's lying to is notoriously shallow about age?"
40115,141,7,5,"Okay, but what if early in our relationship, she made a really big deal about wanting to not lie to each other?"
40116,141,7,5,What if she's hot?
40117,141,7,5,Who wants five bucks?
40118,141,7,5,Pollstered!
40119,141,7,5,Let's do this.
40120,141,7,5,(giggling)
40121,141,7,5,(clears throat)
40122,141,7,5,(murmurs)
40123,141,7,5,Hmm? Yeah.
40124,141,7,5,(giggling)
40125,141,7,5,Mm...
40126,141,7,5,"Okay, this is creepy."
40127,141,7,5,It's Crispin Glover creepy.
40128,141,7,5,You were my patient.
40129,141,7,5,You shared intimate stuff.
40130,141,7,5,It would be like dating your gynecologist.
40131,141,7,5,You were vulnerable.
40132,141,7,5,That's not something we can move past.
40133,141,7,5,(sighs)
40134,141,7,5,Guess not.
40135,141,7,5,"So, dating your gyno, that's bad, too?"
40136,141,7,5,"Oh, Robin."
40137,141,7,5,Kidding!
40138,141,7,5,"Look, we've got another one!"
40139,141,7,5,(laughing)
40140,141,7,5,"Come on, have a bite."
40141,141,7,5,"No, it's a matter of principle."
40142,141,7,5,"I don't care how good it is, I'm not gonna have a third piece of cake!"
40143,141,7,5,"Okay, guys, you all had a lot of fun today, but now it's time... to have even more fun!"
40144,141,7,5,Another cake!
40145,141,7,5,Marshall: Another cake?!
40146,141,7,5,What is the matter with you people?!
40147,141,7,5,That settlement today was a flaming pile of... puppies... that aren't on fire!
40148,141,7,5,"Look at what's happening to the environment, and we're here doing the limbo?"
40149,141,7,5,"I mean, we should be ashamed of ourselves!"
40150,141,7,5,"Sir, all I meant was..."
40151,141,7,5,"Ten years from right now, everyone outside in that bullpen will be dead."
40152,141,7,5,What?
40153,141,7,5,"I've seen the latest research, Marsh."
40154,141,7,5,You know how I'm always saying it's not too late to save the planet?
40155,141,7,5,It's too late to save the planet.
40156,141,7,5,There's nothing to do but sit back and await our inevitable doom.
40157,141,7,5,(noisemaker tooting)
40158,141,7,5,"Oh, my goodness, a piñata!"
40159,141,7,5,"Just give me one minute, Larry."
40160,141,7,5,Thank you.
40161,141,7,5,"Our grotesque, inevitable doom!"
40162,141,7,5,"Now, of course, you can't go around telling all the people that the good ship"
40163,141,7,5,Environmentalism
40164,141,7,5,has sailed off into the sunset.
40165,141,7,5,There would cause a panic.
40166,141,7,5,"So, instead, what we do is, we come to work, we put on a happy face, and we sue the big guys for just enough money for some cake before the unfiltered rays of the sun fry us like chalupas, and our lungs fill up with salt water, and we all die!"
40167,141,7,5,Mmm. This cake is delicious. Everything's fine.
40168,141,7,5,"Ugh, this day sucks."
40169,141,7,5,Kevin and I are kaputski.
40170,141,7,5,You think that's bad?
40171,141,7,5,The world is coming to an end.
40172,141,7,5,You think that's bad?
40173,141,7,5,My girlfriend is 37!
40174,141,7,5,And my field trip is not going as well as I'd hoped.
40175,141,7,5,Hmm.
40176,141,7,5,This day sucks.
40177,141,7,5,"Professor Mosby, is the field trip over?"
40178,141,7,5,We'd like to go home.
40179,141,7,5,"Yeah, it's over."
40180,141,7,5,Auf wiedersehen.
40181,141,7,5,"I just wanted to inspire them, you know, like my professors inspired me."
40182,141,7,5,"But here we are, at the end of the day..."
40183,141,7,5,"Hey, class, quick question."
40184,141,7,5,"Uh, is anyone here thinking of becoming an architect?"
40185,141,7,5,(clucks tongue)
40186,141,7,5,Really?
40187,141,7,5,"Yeah, dude. I mean, all jobs suck, but it's 4:00"
40188,141,7,5,"in the afternoon, and you're out at a bar with your friends, so the hours can't be that bad."
40189,141,7,5,"So... yeah, I don't know, I'd think about it."
40190,141,7,5,(voice cracking): I got through to you. Oh!
40191,141,7,5,"I mean, that is, if becoming a deejay doesn't pan out."
40192,141,7,5,You are gonna be a great architect.
40193,141,7,5,Narrator: He became a deejay.
40194,141,7,5,"Robin, what are you doing here?"
40195,141,7,5,I told you I can't be your therapist.
40196,141,7,5,I know.
40197,141,7,5,"Today, I am your therapist."
40198,141,7,5,What?
40199,141,7,5,"You said yourself, I'm always looking for reasons not to be happy."
40200,141,7,5,"Well, I'm trying to change that."
40201,141,7,5,"So, if the only reason we can't be together is because I was in a vulnerable place for the first two hours we knew each other then that is two hours of vulnerability you owe me."
40202,141,7,5,Sit down.
40203,141,7,5,Okay.
40204,141,7,5,"Okay, but I must warn you, as a professional, I'm immune to..."
40205,141,7,5,Tell me about your mother.
40206,141,7,5,Everything she says is a manipulation!
40207,141,7,5,When I was seven years old...
40208,141,7,5,Mr. Cootes.
40209,141,7,5,Hey.
40210,141,7,5,"Listen, I've been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday, about how we're all gonna die."
40211,141,7,5,"Oh, I'm not gonna die."
40212,141,7,5,I bought an old mine shaft in Colorado.
40213,141,7,5,"I've spent the last six months filling it with canned goods, assault rifles and all five seasons of Friday Night Lights."
40214,141,7,5,"Okay, first of all, you can skip season two."
40215,141,7,5,"Second of all, after our talk..."
40216,141,7,5,I came pretty close to giving up myself.
40217,141,7,5,But then I went to the doctor with my wife... and...
40218,141,7,5,(taps key)
40219,141,7,5,I saw this.
40220,141,7,5,Boy or girl?
40221,141,7,5,I don't know.
40222,141,7,5,But I know I sure as hell can't give up now.
40223,141,7,5,"So, if you're just looking for someone to hold the other end of the limbo stick, you got the wrong guy for the job, and you know why? 'Cause you're three feet taller than everyone in this office?"
40224,141,7,5,"No. Because if I am gonna work here, then first thing tomorrow morning, I'm walking down to Gruber Pharmaceuticals, and I'm rejecting their offer."
40225,141,7,5,Even if I have to do it myself.
40226,141,7,5,(door opens)
40227,141,7,5,"Listen, I want you to know... I know."
40228,141,7,5,Know what?
40229,141,7,5,Nora.
40230,141,7,5,Barney.
40231,141,7,5,Nora.
40232,141,7,5,Just say what you're gonna say!
40233,141,7,5,I know you're old!
40234,141,7,5,"And I've been struggling with it, but when I look at you..."
40235,141,7,5,"I don't care, because I really like you."
40236,141,7,5,"And because for 37, you are keeping it toit!"
40237,141,7,5,You think I'm 37?
40238,141,7,5,"Well, if you were really 29, then you would have been a little kid the first time you saw the Ewoks and you would have loved them."
40239,141,7,5,"Barney, I didn't see any of the Star Wars"
40240,141,7,5,movies until last year.
40241,141,7,5,You... you're 29!
40242,141,7,5,You still have one good year left.
40243,141,7,5,What?
40244,141,7,5,Nothing.
40245,141,7,5,Mm...
40246,141,7,5,"But Naveen's the neurosurgeon, so of course he gets all the attention!"
40247,141,7,5,"Oh, Naveen is so smart, he operates on people's brains!"
40248,141,7,5,"Well, guess what, Mom?!"
40249,141,7,5,I treat the human mind!
40250,141,7,5,Our time is up.
40251,141,7,5,(exhales)
40252,141,7,5,I don't think this is gonna work.
40253,141,7,5,"I scared you off, didn't I?"
40254,141,7,5,"No, I mean, I don't think I can be your therapist."
40255,141,7,5,You're really cute.
40256,141,7,5,"Narrator: The next day, Marshall returned to Gruber Pharmaceuticals alone."
40257,141,7,5,"I mean, you admit that you polluted the lake."
40258,141,7,5,We got the evidence.
40259,141,7,5,We got the charts.
40260,141,7,5,The fish...
40261,141,7,5,"Fish, huh?"
40262,141,7,5,Fish are weird.
40263,141,7,5,You ever think about the names of fish?
40264,141,7,5,"I mean, come on."
40265,141,7,5,Carp.
40266,141,7,5,"Garrison, what a nice surprise."
40267,141,7,5,"Your star apprentice was just, uh... ""Floundering."""
40268,141,7,5,"Little, little fish humor for you guys."
40269,141,7,5,It was not going well.
40270,141,7,5,"I'm here to turn down the 24,000."
40271,141,7,5,"Well, I can maybe get you"
40272,141,7,5,"24,500."
40273,141,7,5,Not... good... enough.
40274,141,7,5,Where are we going?
40275,141,7,5,"To war, son."
40276,141,7,5,We're going to war.
40277,141,7,5,We're going to save the planet.
40278,141,7,5,"Narrator: And kids, as we now know, they did."
40279,141,7,5,"Hey, you know what was on last night?"
40280,141,7,5,Stand and Deliver.
40281,141,7,5,Mm.
40282,141,7,5,So good.
40283,141,7,5,Mm-hmm.
40284,141,7,5,Whatever happened to Jacob James Olmos?
40285,141,7,5,Who?
40286,141,7,5,Jacob James Olmos. Whatever happened to that guy?
40287,141,7,5,He never existed.
40288,141,7,5,It's Edward James Olmos.
40289,141,7,5,You're Olmos correct.
40290,141,7,5,It's Jacob James Olmos.
40291,141,7,5,It's Edward James Olmos.
40292,141,7,5,Jacob James Olmos.
40293,141,7,5,Edward James Olmos.
40294,141,7,5,"You're joking, right...?"
40295,141,7,5,Are you serious...?
40296,141,7,5,Seriously.
40297,142,7,6,"Older Ted: By the fall of 2011, technology had taken a lot of the intrigue out of life."
40298,142,7,6,The Internet had everyone's wall of information.
40299,142,7,6,Nothing was a mystery anymore.
40300,142,7,6,"But, kids, there was a time before that, way back in the dark ages."
40301,142,7,6,Are you people insane?!
40302,142,7,6,The most popular food in America is the cheeseburger!
40303,142,7,6,No way! It's pizza!
40304,142,7,6,"Are we forgetting about a certain Mr. Furter, first name Frank?"
40305,142,7,6,"Um, what did every kid bring in their lunchbox every day till grade eight?"
40306,142,7,6,Pancakes with maple syrup.
40307,142,7,6,"Thanks, Canada."
40308,142,7,6,We're looking for a food the average American eats.
40309,142,7,6,Marshall: Yeah. Yeah.
40310,142,7,6,Oh!
40311,142,7,6,Chinese food.
40312,142,7,6,And then came the smartphone.
40313,142,7,6,"Hey, remember when we were arguing about the most popular food?"
40314,142,7,6,It's bread.
40315,142,7,6,Others: Hm.
40316,142,7,6,And the barroom debate was dead.
40317,142,7,6,Barney: You guys are idiots!
40318,142,7,6,"Narrator: Okay, not completely dead."
40319,142,7,6,You are seriously telling me you don't want to open that envelope and find out if you're having a boy or a girl?
40320,142,7,6,Nope. Dr. Sonya only gave us this in case we wanted to know.
40321,142,7,6,But we don't.
40322,142,7,6,Lilypad and I are just gonna wait till that baby pops out and enjoy the big surprise.
40323,142,7,6,"Look, I have pretended to be a licensed therapist enough times to know there is something unhealthy about your not wanting to find out."
40324,142,7,6,"Back me up here, Kev."
40325,142,7,6,"No, no, no, no, no."
40326,142,7,6,This real therapist won't risk upsetting his wonderful new girlfriend by analyzing her wonderful friends.
40327,142,7,6,No matter how mentally unbalanced they may be.
40328,142,7,6,I hear you.
40329,142,7,6,I don't think you do.
40330,142,7,6,We just don't want to burden our little angel with all kinds of
40331,142,7,6,gender-specific expectations.
40332,142,7,6,Boys can do ballet; girls can play football.
40333,142,7,6,"Hell, the Green Bay Packers have been proving that for years."
40334,142,7,6,That would've gotten a big laugh at a sports bar.
40335,142,7,6,"Well, I say define gender roles early."
40336,142,7,6,All the other girls got a pretty dress and a cake when they turned 14.
40337,142,7,6,Me...
40338,142,7,6,"I want to go home, Daddy!"
40339,142,7,6,That direction is nothing but wolves.
40340,142,7,6,And 40 kilometers that way is the mining town of Smithers.
40341,142,7,6,I'd take my chances with the wolves.
40342,142,7,6,I'll see you in three days.
40343,142,7,6,"Well, wait, wh-what am I supposed to eat?"
40344,142,7,6,"Hey, you've got a knife, the forest is full of animals--"
40345,142,7,6,"what do you want, a buffet?"
40346,142,7,6,Papa...!
40347,142,7,6,"Happy birthday, son...!"
40348,142,7,6,"Got any thoughts on that, Doc?"
40349,142,7,6,"If you guys think I'm going near that, you're crazy."
40350,142,7,6,"Why'd you emphasize ""you're""?"
40351,142,7,6,No reason. You're pretty.
40352,142,7,6,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x06 ♪
40353,142,7,6,Mystery vs. History
40354,142,7,6,"Original Air Date on October 17, 2011"
40355,142,7,6,"By the way, do you guys want to come over tomorrow night for sangria and tapas?"
40356,142,7,6,Si. Muchas gracias.
40357,142,7,6,That sounds awesome.
40358,142,7,6,Great. We're also gonna paint the nursery.
40359,142,7,6,"Oh, and a quick update on the sangria and tapas--"
40360,142,7,6,that's cancelled. Mmm...
40361,142,7,6,Guess what smooth son of a bitch just picked up a girl at the bar?
40362,142,7,6,"Barney, you're cheating on Nora already?"
40363,142,7,6,"No, guys, it's me."
40364,142,7,6,Janet McIntyre.
40365,142,7,6,"Struck up a conversation at the bar while ordering, she guessed bread right away, we laughed, it was a thing, boom, going out tomorrow night."
40366,142,7,6,"So, she said yes just like that?"
40367,142,7,6,Just like that.
40368,142,7,6,Barney/Robin: There's something wrong with her.
40369,142,7,6,"No, no, no, no."
40370,142,7,6,Stop it. They always do this.
40371,142,7,6,"Every time I go on a first date, they snap right into research mode."
40372,142,7,6,It started by accident.
40373,142,7,6,(phone rings)
40374,142,7,6,Ooh.
40375,142,7,6,Hello?
40376,142,7,6,"Ted, we did a little Internet research on your Mia Plumley."
40377,142,7,6,Barney: We just sent you a picture of her from six months ago.
40378,142,7,6,I don't understand--
40379,142,7,6,is Mia standing behind this morbidly obese wo...
40380,142,7,6,"(gasps) Oh, my God!"
40381,142,7,6,They had cookies and cream.
40382,142,7,6,And what you were saying about how women feel they have to starve themselves makes so much sense.
40383,142,7,6,"Ooh, hot dogs. Score!"
40384,142,7,6,"After that, background checks became standard operating procedure."
40385,142,7,6,The date with Nadine went great.
40386,142,7,6,Unless you guys found something.
40387,142,7,6,Are you sitting down?
40388,142,7,6,No.
40389,142,7,6,She's wanted in Florida on crystal meth charges.
40390,142,7,6,She breeds pit bulls for dog fighting.
40391,142,7,6,"Also, the FBI..."
40392,142,7,6,What's this link?
40393,142,7,6,"Oh, she also writes online movie reviews."
40394,142,7,6,"Anyway, she's still married to a death row inmate convicted..."
40395,142,7,6,She gave Annie Hall
40396,142,7,6,two out of ten stars?
40397,142,7,6,(gasps)
40398,142,7,6,"""Slow and overrated""?"
40399,142,7,6,Really? That's
40400,142,7,6,your takeaway?
40401,142,7,6,It's the Wood Man at the height of his powers.
40402,142,7,6,The way he broke the fourth wall by talking directly to camera?
40403,142,7,6,People have been ripping that off ever since.
40404,142,7,6,Can you believe this guy?
40405,142,7,6,Paula Vincenzo.
40406,142,7,6,She's in the bathroom.
40407,142,7,6,What's wrong with her?
40408,142,7,6,Total psycho. Her Facebook wall has a link to a site about dating inanimate objects.
40409,142,7,6,"For most of last year, she was engaged... to a mini fridge. And there's pictures: her and the mini fridge on a hike, her and the mini fridge in wine country, here's the mini fridge meeting her parents..."
40410,142,7,6,Run like the wind.
40411,142,7,6,(footsteps approaching)
40412,142,7,6,So... want to go back to my place?
40413,142,7,6,"Yeah, all right."
40414,142,7,6,"Well, thanks to us, you ran screaming from that freak show, right?"
40415,142,7,6,Absolutely.
40416,142,7,6,Cuckoo!
40417,142,7,6,So what's the problem?
40418,142,7,6,You need us.
40419,142,7,6,"No, I don't, okay?"
40420,142,7,6,I don't want a background check.
40421,142,7,6,I want adventure and excitement.
40422,142,7,6,"Look, if it's a choice between mystery and history, I want mystery."
40423,142,7,6,In fact...
40424,142,7,6,"Ted, I wouldn't..."
40425,142,7,6,"Uh, Janet."
40426,142,7,6,"I have a theory. People don't get the chance to just discover each other anymore, so... here's my idea."
40427,142,7,6,"Before we go out tomorrow, let's not do any prior Internet research on each other."
40428,142,7,6,"It sounds like I'm hiding something horrible, doesn't it?"
40429,142,7,6,I'm pretty sure you're a serial killer.
40430,142,7,6,I'm not. I'm not.
40431,142,7,6,"It's just, you know, like, when my parents met, they didn't have the Internet--"
40432,142,7,6,they just went out on a blind date and fell in love.
40433,142,7,6,That's nice. And they're still together?
40434,142,7,6,Right up to the divorce.
40435,142,7,6,"The point is, I'd love to get to know you in person, not on my computer."
40436,142,7,6,I like that. What started out sounding really creepy turned out really sweet.
40437,142,7,6,That's kind of my move.
40438,142,7,6,(laughs)
40439,142,7,6,"And she was on board with the whole ""no Internet"" thing?"
40440,142,7,6,She loved it.
40441,142,7,6,The bitch is hiding something.
40442,142,7,6,The bitch is totally hiding something.
40443,142,7,6,"Hey, Ted, before you leave--"
40444,142,7,6,is Janet McIntyre M-A-C or M-C?
40445,142,7,6,"For the last time, I don't want to know anything about her before the date."
40446,142,7,6,"You might want to see this, Ted-- naked pictures."
40447,142,7,6,That's not Janet.
40448,142,7,6,"Who, now?"
40449,142,7,6,Seriously... if you guys respect me as a friend... stop looking.
40450,142,7,6,"Well, Ted was pretty clear there, so... let's shut those laptops and go help Lily and Marshall, just like we promised."
40451,142,7,6,Let's leave the laptops here and go paint that baby room.
40452,142,7,6,Without laptops.
40453,142,7,6,Or bring the laptops. Either way.
40454,142,7,6,This is exciting.
40455,142,7,6,I give you... the color our child will grow up with.
40456,142,7,6,"Yellow, like the sun."
40457,142,7,6,Or daughter. Pun snuggle.
40458,142,7,6,"Oh, God, this room's about to get its first spit-up."
40459,142,7,6,Just open the envelope already!
40460,142,7,6,"Kevin, will you please tell Barney that it is perfectly normal for us to want to preserve the mystery."
40461,142,7,6,I'm not here to analyze; I'm here to win boyfriend points.
40462,142,7,6,"By the way, you all look great, especially Robin."
40463,142,7,6,"Come on, if you don't know the gender, you're gonna get generic crap at the baby shower."
40464,142,7,6,"But if you do know the gender, you'll get, oh, I don't know, this!"
40465,142,7,6,Marshall! Lights!
40466,142,7,6,Okay.
40467,142,7,6,(dance music playing)
40468,142,7,6,"Barney: When little Jack's not turning double plays, he's turning heads with this home run of an outfit!"
40469,142,7,6,And if it's a little girl...
40470,142,7,6,"This royal ensemble may leave you speechless, but it's sure to make little Sally say, ""I wuv you, Mommy, and I wuv my dress, and I would love to see you in the shower."""
40471,142,7,6,"Sorry, I kind of fell out of character in that last part."
40472,142,7,6,But if you don't know the gender...
40473,142,7,6,Little Fran is sure to be the pariah of the playground in this hermaphroditic burlap sack.
40474,142,7,6,♪ ♪
40475,142,7,6,Marshall! Lights!
40476,142,7,6,"Barney, you don't really care abo'."
40477,142,7,6,No. You just can't stand not knowing something.
40478,142,7,6,That's ridiculous!
40479,142,7,6,"Marshall, will you... will you hold these for a second?"
40480,142,7,6,"Yeah, sure. Why?"
40481,142,7,6,Because I gots to know!
40482,142,7,6,"Oh, Barney, no! Help! Get him off of me!"
40483,142,7,6,(all shouting) Everybody hold it! Hold it!
40484,142,7,6,"I found Janet McIntyre, who's been widowed three times."
40485,142,7,6,She's obviously killing her husbands!
40486,142,7,6,"Oh, my God!"
40487,142,7,6,They're six minutes into the date.
40488,142,7,6,Ted's probably already told her that he loves her!
40489,142,7,6,We've got to get down there!
40490,142,7,6,(all shouting)
40491,142,7,6,Nobody's going anywhere!
40492,142,7,6,Why?!
40493,142,7,6,"Narrator: Kids, at that moment, Kevin thought back to his earlier rule..."
40494,142,7,6,This real therapist won't risk upsetting his wonderful new girlfriend by analyzing her wonderful friends.
40495,142,7,6,...and threw it out the window.
40496,142,7,6,"You're all the most codependent, incestuous, controlling group of people I've ever met!"
40497,142,7,6,"By the way, you all look great, especially Robin."
40498,142,7,6,"Oh, mm-mm."
40499,142,7,6,This is so great.
40500,142,7,6,"Right? See, if we'd researched each other, we'd both be secretly steering the conversation one way or the other."
40501,142,7,6,"But this is more exciting, right?"
40502,142,7,6,Way more exciting.
40503,142,7,6,"I mean, we can talk about anything we want."
40504,142,7,6,Anything. (laughs)
40505,142,7,6,(mellow jazz playing)
40506,142,7,6,So...
40507,142,7,6,...how was the traffic getting here?
40508,142,7,6,You picked me up at my apartment.
40509,142,7,6,I certainly did.
40510,142,7,6,"Ted: Oh, my God, I've lost the ability to talk to girls without the Internet."
40511,142,7,6,My brain is completely shutting down.
40512,142,7,6,"So, are you folks gonna have dinner or just drinks?"
40513,142,7,6,(laughing)
40514,142,7,6,I-I don't know.
40515,142,7,6,"What the hell was that, Kevin?"
40516,142,7,6,"We're all crazy just because I'm looking up some stuff on the Internet, and Barney wants to know the baby's gender?"
40517,142,7,6,"Well, to be honest, I noticed some other disturbing..."
40518,142,7,6,Never mind.
40519,142,7,6,It's nothing. I'm sorry.
40520,142,7,6,I gots to know!
40521,142,7,6,"Okay, last night alone..."
40522,142,7,6,When-When are you coming back?
40523,142,7,6,"Because I miss you, silly!"
40524,142,7,6,"Wait, who's he talking to?"
40525,142,7,6,"Shh, I'll be back soon."
40526,142,7,6,"Yeah, you want me to bring you a pretzel?"
40527,142,7,6,(ding)
40528,142,7,6,Ted's texting me from the bathroom.
40529,142,7,6,(laughter)
40530,142,7,6,All: Oh.
40531,142,7,6,I don't get it.
40532,142,7,6,"It's just a ""C"" with an apostrophe."
40533,142,7,6,Oh.
40534,142,7,6,"Robin: Oh, yeah."
40535,142,7,6,"Sometimes when one of us is on the can, we'll, uh, sneak a peek and then text each other, you know."
40536,142,7,6,Symbols to describe what your bowel movement looks like?
40537,142,7,6,(laughter)
40538,142,7,6,"This morning, I took an ampersand."
40539,142,7,6,"Last summer, I dropped a deuce that actually looked like the number two!"
40540,142,7,6,(ding)
40541,142,7,6,"When you worked late Wednesday, I... I got lonely and..."
40542,142,7,6,I watched Survivor
40543,142,7,6,without you.
40544,142,7,6,(ding)
40545,142,7,6,Practically the only unhealthy behavior I didn't see from you people was physical violence.
40546,142,7,6,(grunting)
40547,142,7,6,(grunting)
40548,142,7,6,Yeah.
40549,142,7,6,At least we don't do that.
40550,142,7,6,"And to top it off, all the meddling in Ted's love life, not to mention Lily's pregnancy?"
40551,142,7,6,It all strikes me as just deeply dysfunctional.
40552,142,7,6,"So what you're saying is, we're fine?"
40553,142,7,6,(ding)
40554,142,7,6,"So, while this font is often mistaken for Helvetica, the fact is... it's Helvetica Bold."
40555,142,7,6,I can actually hear the sound of her vagina being boarded up.
40556,142,7,6,"I got to be honest, Janet."
40557,142,7,6,First of all... this is Times New Roman.
40558,142,7,6,"Second, I'm having trouble coming up with things to talk about."
40559,142,7,6,"You? I'm sitting here thinking, ""Damn it, I wish I had something as good as that font thing."
40560,142,7,6,"That's gold."""
40561,142,7,6,"Guys, I'm so sorry I said anything."
40562,142,7,6,"Um, you basically called my friends mentally ill."
40563,142,7,6,"Yeah, you think some lame apology will fix that?"
40564,142,7,6,What if I just paint the rest of the room by myself?
40565,142,7,6,"Robin, Lily & Marshall: Apology accepted."
40566,142,7,6,"Okay, let's do this."
40567,142,7,6,Let-Let's find out each other's likes and dislikes.
40568,142,7,6,Start with something totally random.
40569,142,7,6,"Like, um, oh, I don't know."
40570,142,7,6,Are you a fan of--
40571,142,7,6,I don't know--
40572,142,7,6,Annie Hall?
40573,142,7,6,"I'm guessing that's not random at all, and you use that movie to test whether a girl is cool?"
40574,142,7,6,"No, it's-it's the first movie that popped into..."
40575,142,7,6,I love Annie Hall.
40576,142,7,6,"Oh, thank God you're cool."
40577,142,7,6,
40578,142,7,6,Narrator: But just as things started to go well with Janet McIntyre...
40579,142,7,6,Whoa. I just found Janet McIntyre.
40580,142,7,6,The Janet McIntyre.
40581,142,7,6,Both: Sweet... mother... of God!
40582,142,7,6,(laughs)
40583,142,7,6,(phone chimes)
40584,142,7,6,"Uh, well, I got to run to the restroom."
40585,142,7,6,"No internet, Mister."
40586,142,7,6,"If you find out my deep, dark secret, I'll have to kill you."
40587,142,7,6,It's just my friends checking up on me.
40588,142,7,6,I'll politely let them know we're having a lovely time.
40589,142,7,6,Okay.
40590,142,7,6,"Ted says, ""I'm not clicking on the link, so leave me alone."""
40591,142,7,6,"And then either texted me a bunch of symbols for profanity, or got food poisoning and dropped the weirdest deuce of all time."
40592,142,7,6,You guys have to see this.
40593,142,7,6,No. We're with Ted on this.
40594,142,7,6,"We don't want to find out about Janet, just like we don't want to find out about the baby."
40595,142,7,6,"Because we like mystery, whether it's the hairy majesty of Bigfoot, or the bloodsucking ferocity of the Chupacabra, or the gender of our little miracle."
40596,142,7,6,"Thanks for putting those together in the same sentence, sweetie."
40597,142,7,6,Mm.
40598,142,7,6,"Look, if you guys don't want to know, how about this?"
40599,142,7,6,"Let me look, and I won't tell you."
40600,142,7,6,Absolutely not. Fine.
40601,142,7,6,(gasping)
40602,142,7,6,"Baby, if it will shut him up, what's the harm?"
40603,142,7,6,Can I...?
40604,142,7,6,(muttering)
40605,142,7,6,(both giggling)
40606,142,7,6,This may have been a mistake.
40607,142,7,6,Boy!
40608,142,7,6,Do I like babies!
40609,142,7,6,Girl!
40610,142,7,6,"...friend, your hair looks fantastic!"
40611,142,7,6,Twins! was the feel-good movie of 1988.
40612,142,7,6,"Okay, Barney, hey, it doesn't matter what you guys say."
40613,142,7,6,We're not gonna cave.
40614,142,7,6,"Yes, we are!"
40615,142,7,6,"Oh, just open your eyes."
40616,142,7,6,This gender-neutral yellow is horrible!
40617,142,7,6,We're clearly gonna paint over the whole thing!
40618,142,7,6,That's what you want to hear.
40619,142,7,6,I gots to know!
40620,142,7,6,"Yeah. ""It's a..."""
40621,142,7,6,It's a...
40622,142,7,6,Where is the rest of the card?
40623,142,7,6,I ripped it in half.
40624,142,7,6,"I knew you'd be desperate to see it, and I'll give it to you."
40625,142,7,6,All you have to do is admit that mystery is stupid by reading about Janet McIntyre.
40626,142,7,6,This is in no way emotional extortion.
40627,142,7,6,You guys are great.
40628,142,7,6,"Fine, we'll look at your laptop."
40629,142,7,6,Both: Sweet... mother... of God.
40630,142,7,6,I can't really see the computer screen.
40631,142,7,6,It just went down the wrong pipe.
40632,142,7,6,(phone chimes)
40633,142,7,6,Ted: Whoa.
40634,142,7,6,"If Lily and Marshall want me to click on it, maybe Janet really does have a deep, dark secret."
40635,142,7,6,What's going on?
40636,142,7,6,I'm a prostitute.
40637,142,7,6,"You didn't think I was actually into you, did you?"
40638,142,7,6,Sort of.
40639,142,7,6,(laughter)
40640,142,7,6,"Ted: Get it together, Mosby."
40641,142,7,6,Oh.
40642,142,7,6,(sighs)
40643,142,7,6,"You don't buy beer, you rent it."
40644,142,7,6,Am I right?
40645,142,7,6,This is the men's room.
40646,142,7,6,I know.
40647,142,7,6,I'm a dude.
40648,142,7,6,(gasps)
40649,142,7,6,(sighs)
40650,142,7,6,"Listen, there's something you should know."
40651,142,7,6,I lied.
40652,142,7,6,I only kind of liked Annie Hall.
40653,142,7,6,(gasps)
40654,142,7,6,Ted: I gots to know!
40655,142,7,6,Sweet... mother... of God.
40656,142,7,6,Hey.
40657,142,7,6,(sighs)
40658,142,7,6,"Ted, are you okay? You look freaked out."
40659,142,7,6,I'm not freaked out.
40660,142,7,6,Narrator: I was freaked out. Why? 'Cause I had just discovered that Janet McIntyre was... amazing!
40661,142,7,6,"And just like that, the wall went up."
40662,142,7,6,"Okay, he looked at Janet McIntyre's Internet extravaganza."
40663,142,7,6,Here's the other half of the card.
40664,142,7,6,Wait. Should we do this? I...
40665,142,7,6,"I don't know. I mean, my soul says no, but these hideous yellow walls scream yes."
40666,142,7,6,"Should I just stop, or...?"
40667,142,7,6,Sweet mother of God!
40668,142,7,6,A dog in Ottawa ran all the way to Saskatoon!
40669,142,7,6,What?
40670,142,7,6,We figured out the Janet thing.
40671,142,7,6,I'm catching up on Canada.
40672,142,7,6,(gasps)
40673,142,7,6,"You're with me on this, right?"
40674,142,7,6,"Otherwise, I can go down, and I can get the card."
40675,142,7,6,Absolutely.
40676,142,7,6,"Oh, thank you."
40677,142,7,6,"Narrator: And so the gender remained a secret, but Janet McIntyre's life no longer was."
40678,142,7,6,There was only one problem.
40679,142,7,6,"Ted, what's going on?"
40680,142,7,6,Nothing.
40681,142,7,6,Did I mention that I'm the youngest architect in New York history to have a skyscraper built?
40682,142,7,6,"Oh. So, I'm not quite as far beneath you as you might think."
40683,142,7,6,Why would I think that?
40684,142,7,6,"No reason, but this one time in sixth grade, I saw a raccoon trapped in a gutter, and I told my dad, and the firemen came and got it out, so it's not like I pulled a baby from a creek or anything, but at least I didn't ignore it and keep lighting bugs on fire with my magnifying glass."
40685,142,7,6,"We had one promise, and you broke it."
40686,142,7,6,What are you talking about?
40687,142,7,6,"You looked me up, and now you find me intimidating."
40688,142,7,6,"Why-Why would I find you intimidating, okay?"
40689,142,7,6,"It's not like I donated a kidney, but I donated blood once, although I wound up fainting, and they had to put it all back in."
40690,142,7,6,(sighs)
40691,142,7,6,I was so excited about this.
40692,142,7,6,But now you're just a blubbering idiot like the rest of them.
40693,142,7,6,"No, I ain't!"
40694,142,7,6,"I mean, no, I never do that thing you says."
40695,142,7,6,(sighs)
40696,142,7,6,"What I mean is, you gooder than me no make difference!"
40697,142,7,6,And that's that.
40698,142,7,6,I wish to God I'd never clicked on that link.
40699,142,7,6,"I'm sorry, Ted."
40700,142,7,6,We were just trying to help.
40701,142,7,6,"I said it was meddling and manipulative, but Kevin insisted we butt in."
40702,142,7,6,(ding)
40703,142,7,6,"No, it's my fault."
40704,142,7,6,I never should have looked.
40705,142,7,6,"In the battle of mystery versus history, it's best not to know."
40706,142,7,6,Lily Pad?
40707,142,7,6,What?
40708,142,7,6,We're having a boy.
40709,142,7,6,We're having a boy.
40710,142,7,6,We're having a boy! You're having a boy!
40711,142,7,6,We're having a... we're having a boy.
40712,142,7,6,We're having a boy.
40713,142,7,6,(laughter)
40714,142,7,6,We're having a boy.
40715,142,7,6,I'll go buy some blue paint.
40716,142,7,6,It needs sharpening.
40717,142,7,6,You see? I told you three days would go by in no time.
40718,142,7,6,"Phineas, take us up!"
40719,142,7,6,"Well, in case you were wondering, it rained the entire time I was in the Caribbean."
40720,142,7,6,Thank you for asking.
40721,143,7,7,"Narrator: Kids, in the fall of 2011, all of my friends were in relationships."
40722,143,7,7,"So when Barney's brother James came to visit, it created a slight logistical problem."
40723,143,7,7,We're gonna need a bigger booth.
40724,143,7,7,I'm gonna go to the loo.
40725,143,7,7,"I don't actually have to go, I just want a seat all to myself."
40726,143,7,7,"So, would anyone care to ask me where Nora and I are going tonight?"
40727,143,7,7,Don't ask him. It's a trap.
40728,143,7,7,Where you going?
40729,143,7,7,"Come on, man, for God's sake!"
40730,143,7,7,"Bootytown, Kevin!"
40731,143,7,7,We are finally going to Bootytown.
40732,143,7,7,And that's why we don't ask him.
40733,143,7,7,"I'm thinking I'm gonna hop on the Long Thighland Expressway, stop off for a nibble in Breastport, and then, with any luck, I'll be pulling into the Pork Authority by midnight."
40734,143,7,7,Wait. You're finally
40735,143,7,7,going to Bootytown?
40736,143,7,7,"Look, we just don't want to rush anything, okay?"
40737,143,7,7,So we decided to wait until she decides to let me have s*x with her.
40738,143,7,7,And that's gonna be tonight!
40739,143,7,7,How do you know for sure?
40740,143,7,7,"Ah, something she said earlier."
40741,143,7,7,"Guess what, my sweet boy, I've got a special treat for you tonight."
40742,143,7,7,(electric guitar riff plays)
40743,143,7,7,"Oh, yeah, you're going to Bootytown."
40744,143,7,7,"Hello again, my darlings."
40745,143,7,7,"Barney, I hope you're ready for tonight."
40746,143,7,7,Because you're gonna have to use muscles you haven't used in years.
40747,143,7,7,I am?
40748,143,7,7,Yes.
40749,143,7,7,"And I hope you have some aspirin at home, because your arse is gonna be killing you tomorrow."
40750,143,7,7,It is?
40751,143,7,7,Indeed.
40752,143,7,7,Because tonight...
40753,143,7,7,The Pork Authority's closed.
40754,143,7,7,"Looks like it's Hand Central Station for you, little buddy."
40755,143,7,7,(Marshall chuckles)
40756,143,7,7,So that's your special treat?
40757,143,7,7,Ice skating?
40758,143,7,7,Of course.
40759,143,7,7,"And after that, we're gonna shag."
40760,143,7,7,"We're going ice skating, everybody!"
40761,143,7,7,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x07 ♪
40762,143,7,7,Noretta
40763,143,7,7,"Original Air Date on October 24, 2011"
40764,143,7,7,Ask me what I think of Nora.
40765,143,7,7,What do you think of Nora?
40766,143,7,7,Lovely girl.
40767,143,7,7,Ask me what I really think of her.
40768,143,7,7,What do you really think of her?
40769,143,7,7,"Guys, she's great, seriously."
40770,143,7,7,Just drop it.
40771,143,7,7,Ask me one more time.
40772,143,7,7,What do you really think?
40773,143,7,7,"Fine! If you really must know, I do not like Barney with that woman!"
40774,143,7,7,Happy?
40775,143,7,7,What could you possibly not like about Nora?
40776,143,7,7,Her hair? Her mousy little nose?
40777,143,7,7,The way she does everything perfectly?
40778,143,7,7,"I mean, what's not to like?"
40779,143,7,7,It's not that I don't like her. It's just...
40780,143,7,7,She's our mom.
40781,143,7,7,"What do you mean, she's your mom?"
40782,143,7,7,Everything about her is vaguely our mom-like.
40783,143,7,7,The British accent...
40784,143,7,7,"Hello again, my darlings."
40785,143,7,7,"Mom's obsessed with Julie Andrews, so when we were growing up..."
40786,143,7,7,"(British accent): Hello again, my darlings."
40787,143,7,7,"Come here, you."
40788,143,7,7,Hey.
40789,143,7,7,And the way she hugs him.
40790,143,7,7,"Left hand on the nape of the neck, three gentle strokes on the back with the right?"
40791,143,7,7,"Come here, you."
40792,143,7,7,Trademark Loretta Stinson.
40793,143,7,7,But here's the clincher...
40794,143,7,7,"Guess what, my sweet boy."
40795,143,7,7,Guess what my sweet boy.
40796,143,7,7,I've got a special treat for you tonight.
40797,143,7,7,I've got a special treat for you tonight.
40798,143,7,7,Ice cream!
40799,143,7,7,(electric guitar riff plays)
40800,143,7,7,They're coming. Be cool.
40801,143,7,7,Forgot my raincoat.
40802,143,7,7,That makes one of us.
40803,143,7,7,"Well, shall we?"
40804,143,7,7,We shall.
40805,143,7,7,"Ooh, don't wear out that tongue, Barney."
40806,143,7,7,Don't wait up.
40807,143,7,7,"I mean, sure, Barney has slept with plenty of other people's mothers."
40808,143,7,7,But now he's gonna sleep with ours?
40809,143,7,7,"Psychologically speaking, it's perfectly normal to wind up with someone like your parents."
40810,143,7,7,"Thanks to my mom, I'll probably wind up with someone who loves my brother more than me."
40811,143,7,7,"Well, psychologically speaking, I'm gonna go throw up now."
40812,143,7,7,Oh...
40813,143,7,7,Ugh! This baby is making it so I can't button my pants anymore.
40814,143,7,7,"Big whoop. In 55 years, I don't think my dad buttoned his pants even once."
40815,143,7,7,"And somehow, despite sweet talk like that, I don't feel sexy anymore."
40816,143,7,7,Are you kidding?
40817,143,7,7,"I mean, you're-you're even sexier now that you're rounding out."
40818,143,7,7,(gasps)
40819,143,7,7,"I mean, you're even more sexy simply because there's so much more of you."
40820,143,7,7,(gasps)
40821,143,7,7,I'm never gonna get in the mood while your mammoth Eriksen seed is muffin-topping the bodiddly out of me.
40822,143,7,7,"Are you saying, ""No erky-erky until this baby pops out""?"
40823,143,7,7,"Okay, that's it."
40824,143,7,7,I-I am making it my mission to help you feel sexy again.
40825,143,7,7,I don't care how much more bloated you get.
40826,143,7,7,I'll get the next round!
40827,143,7,7,"Kevin! Yay, Kevin, thank you!"
40828,143,7,7,"So, Ted, you're cool with Kevin, right?"
40829,143,7,7,I know he's been over a lot lately.
40830,143,7,7,"Oh, yeah, yeah, Kevin's great."
40831,143,7,7,"I mean, there was, like, one weird thing the other day..."
40832,143,7,7,He was just standing there in his boxers?
40833,143,7,7,Yeah.
40834,143,7,7,I'll talk to him.
40835,143,7,7,Ted... be honest.
40836,143,7,7,"You'd bang Lily, right?"
40837,143,7,7,"Narrator: So, later that night, Barney and Nora went skating."
40838,143,7,7,"Hey, kid, you know how your mom won't let you have ice cream till after dinner?"
40839,143,7,7,But then the waiting kind of makes it taste better?
40840,143,7,7,"Well, I've been waiting two months for that bowl of ice cream."
40841,143,7,7,"And tonight, I'm gonna have s*x with it."
40842,143,7,7,"Look, Barney, one foot!"
40843,143,7,7,Oh!
40844,143,7,7,"Narrator: Now, kids, for most guys, this would have meant the end of the date."
40845,143,7,7,But your Uncle Barney is not most guys.
40846,143,7,7,I can turn this around.
40847,143,7,7,"Well, I'm impressed that you know a 24-hour dentist."
40848,143,7,7,"Oh, yeah."
40849,143,7,7,"He can also give you tattoos, do your taxes and alter a suit."
40850,143,7,7,But I wouldn't trust him with a suit 'cause...
40851,143,7,7,(glugging)
40852,143,7,7,"Speaking of drinking, you want to...?"
40853,143,7,7,"No, Barney."
40854,143,7,7,Tonight's been a disaster.
40855,143,7,7,I think we should just call it a night.
40856,143,7,7,"No! Come on, Nora, your tooth can't be that bad. Let me see."
40857,143,7,7,W-Which is the fake one again?
40858,143,7,7,(chuckles)
40859,143,7,7,You look beautiful.
40860,143,7,7,Mmm.
40861,143,7,7,"All right, maybe I could go for one more drink."
40862,143,7,7,Great.
40863,143,7,7,(electric guitar riff plays)
40864,143,7,7,It's funny.
40865,143,7,7,Sometimes the most romantic moments can just creep up on you...
40866,143,7,7,(gasping)
40867,143,7,7,(whimpering)
40868,143,7,7,(rat squeals)
40869,143,7,7,(gasps)
40870,143,7,7,I can turn this around.
40871,143,7,7,"Hey, um, should've mentioned this before, but, um, Ted and I prefer that our guests remain fully clothed in the public areas of the apartment."
40872,143,7,7,Been some complaints.
40873,143,7,7,Did Ted say something?
40874,143,7,7,"Oh, th-there's been some complaints."
40875,143,7,7,"Not pointing any fingers or anything, but let's just keep those pants on, okay? Good talk."
40876,143,7,7,"Well, if Ted said that, I've got something to complain about, too: Ted's nuts."
40877,143,7,7,"Okay, yes, Ted is a little neurotic, but I wouldn't say..."
40878,143,7,7,"No, no, no, I mean Ted's nuts."
40879,143,7,7,Hi.
40880,143,7,7,Hey.
40881,143,7,7,(sighs)
40882,143,7,7,(sighs)
40883,143,7,7,So what? It's his apartment.
40884,143,7,7,You're taking his side?
40885,143,7,7,"Wait, this isn't one of those classic ""You still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend, ""who's oddly also your roommate, ""which for the record I'm totally cool with, ""even though everybody tells me I've walked into a bear trap"" things, is it?"
40886,143,7,7,"No, I just, I feel bad."
40887,143,7,7,Ted's going through some stuff right now.
40888,143,7,7,You eyeballing his deal is the most action he's gotten in months.
40889,143,7,7,I'll be nice to him.
40890,143,7,7,"So, I was trying to think of how to best express how sexy you are to me."
40891,143,7,7,A song? A poem?
40892,143,7,7,And then it hit me: a board game!
40893,143,7,7,You just get women.
40894,143,7,7,"No, no, no, you'll like this."
40895,143,7,7,We answer risqué questions and perform spicy dares to slowly move up your shapely legs.
40896,143,7,7,I call it Chutes and Lilies.
40897,143,7,7,I would've guessed Monopo-Lily.
40898,143,7,7,"Yeah, that would've been better."
40899,143,7,7,"Okay, game play."
40900,143,7,7,"Roll the die to see who goes first, forfeit a turn on a pass--"
40901,143,7,7,intended for two-to-six players.
40902,143,7,7,Narrator: As Marshall explained the many
40903,143,7,7,"rules of Chutes and Lilies, Lily thought back to what Kevin said in the bar."
40904,143,7,7,It's perfectly normal to wind up with someone like your parents.
40905,143,7,7,And then she thought of the only other man she knew who loved board games that much.
40906,143,7,7,I brought Diseases!
40907,143,7,7,Marshgammon.
40908,143,7,7,Dog Fight Promoter!
40909,143,7,7,Lilial Pursuit.
40910,143,7,7,And that's how you play the game.
40911,143,7,7,"Oh, wait."
40912,143,7,7,"I forgot to tell you what happens if I land on ""community chest."""
40913,143,7,7,Honk-honk.
40914,143,7,7,(laughs)
40915,143,7,7,(groans)
40916,143,7,7,"I just want to go home, take a long bath and go to bed."
40917,143,7,7,No!
40918,143,7,7,"I mean, come on."
40919,143,7,7,My place is so much closer.
40920,143,7,7,"I'll-I'll draw you a bath, pour you some champagne, we can forget all about this."
40921,143,7,7,"All right, that sounds good."
40922,143,7,7,(electric guitar riff plays)
40923,143,7,7,(sighs)
40924,143,7,7,That bath was wonderful.
40925,143,7,7,Thank you.
40926,143,7,7,Of course.
40927,143,7,7,"What do you say we go out on the balcony, get some fresh air?"
40928,143,7,7,"Ooh, that sounds lovely."
40929,143,7,7,What a beautiful view.
40930,143,7,7,I couldn't agree more.
40931,143,7,7,"Man: Good-bye, cruel world!"
40932,143,7,7,"Oh, my God!"
40933,143,7,7,I can turn this around.
40934,143,7,7,Shh.
40935,143,7,7,(thud)
40936,143,7,7,Ooh!
40937,143,7,7,Ooh! Date night.
40938,143,7,7,"You know what? I'll just, just watch this in my room."
40939,143,7,7,"Already had dinner in there, why not a movie?"
40940,143,7,7,You should join us.
40941,143,7,7,"Yeah, join us."
40942,143,7,7,"No! No, no, no, no, no. Three's a crowd."
40943,143,7,7,"Besides, you guys wouldn't want to watch this anyway."
40944,143,7,7,Try us.
40945,143,7,7,"Well, have you seen Die Hard?"
40946,143,7,7,"Um, yes."
40947,143,7,7,"Okay, the guy who played Argyle produced this documentary about coin collecting."
40948,143,7,7,"Now, I know my sexy little lady can't resist a bubble bath, especially one with rose petals."
40949,143,7,7,"Oh, thanks, baby."
40950,143,7,7,(chuckles)
40951,143,7,7,(shudders)
40952,143,7,7,How about a sensual backrub?
40953,143,7,7,(shudders)
40954,143,7,7,Mm.
40955,143,7,7,Oh.
40956,143,7,7,"What's the matter, Lilypad?"
40957,143,7,7,You love my backrubs.
40958,143,7,7,Ah. I-I do... very much.
40959,143,7,7,"Good, because I got you a brand-"
40960,143,7,7,new... loofah!
40961,143,7,7,(crying)
40962,143,7,7,"Oh, yeah!"
40963,143,7,7,"Rubs... oh, yeah!"
40964,143,7,7,Trying to watch the coin documentary over here.
40965,143,7,7,"Hey, Ted, ever figure out who you're taking to that concert?"
40966,143,7,7,No.
40967,143,7,7,You want to go?
40968,143,7,7,(whispers): Sure.
40969,143,7,7,Really?
40970,143,7,7,Awesome!
40971,143,7,7,It's a date!
40972,143,7,7,
40973,143,7,7,"Narrator: Now, Kevin, as a trained psychologist, knew the appropriate way to voice his displeasure."
40974,143,7,7,I think we need to calmly discuss the relationship dynamics at play here.
40975,143,7,7,"I'm uncomfortable with how close you two are as roommates, given your particular romantic history."
40976,143,7,7,"Narrator: Instead, he took a different approach."
40977,143,7,7,"Aw, hell no!"
40978,143,7,7,"If you can go on a date with my girlfriend, I don't have to wear pants in your apartment!"
40979,143,7,7,I can't wait till this baby comes out so we can get started on another one.
40980,143,7,7,"Then again, why wait? Ew, wait..."
40981,143,7,7,Get off of me!
40982,143,7,7,Damn it!
40983,143,7,7,"Ever since Kevin said it's normal to wind up with your parents, I... I keep picturing yo as my dad."
40984,143,7,7,"Lily, that theory is crazy-town."
40985,143,7,7,How do you know?
40986,143,7,7,"Because my mother is six-foot-three, she buys her clothes at the drugstore, and she prefers to trap her own dinner."
40987,143,7,7,"I love you more than anything, and you're nothing like her."
40988,143,7,7,Aw.
40989,143,7,7,"Now, that's how you turn a girl on."
40990,143,7,7,Mm...
40991,143,7,7,Mm...
40992,143,7,7,Narrator: But then Marshall really started thinking about Kevin's theory.
40993,143,7,7,Midnight snack.
40994,143,7,7,Midnight snack.
40995,143,7,7,Mmm.
40996,143,7,7,"Oh, yeah."
40997,143,7,7,"Oh, yeah...!"
40998,143,7,7,I am gonna rock... your... world.
40999,143,7,7,Yay.
41000,143,7,7,"If it's any consolation, the, uh... the guy stole my"
41001,143,7,7,Wall Street Journal once.
41002,143,7,7,So... guess the world's kind of a better place without...
41003,143,7,7,"Oh, God, this night's ruined."
41004,143,7,7,"Oh, come here, you."
41005,143,7,7,"Yes, it's been a very tough night, but I still think we can turn this around."
41006,143,7,7,Really?
41007,143,7,7,Why not?
41008,143,7,7,No sense in letting things get us down.
41009,143,7,7,How does that song go again?
41010,143,7,7,♪ Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens ♪♪ Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens ♪
41011,143,7,7,♪ Brown paper packages tied up with strings ♪♪ These are a few of my favorite things ♪
41012,143,7,7,♪ When the dog bites ♪♪ When the bee stings ♪
41013,143,7,7,♪ When I'm feeling sad ♪♪ I simply remember my favorite things ♪
41014,143,7,7,Loretta: ♪ And then I don't feel ♪
41015,143,7,7,♪ So bad. ♪
41016,143,7,7,(sobbing softly)
41017,143,7,7,"Mommy, no."
41018,143,7,7,"I want to thank you, baby, for reminding me of what a vivacious woman I am."
41019,143,7,7,Yeah.
41020,143,7,7,"No, uh, no need really."
41021,143,7,7,"Whoa, but I've been such a naughty girl."
41022,143,7,7,Maybe I need a spanking.
41023,143,7,7,Great. We'll... we'll just skip the board games and get right down to me making love to you.
41024,143,7,7,Oh...
41025,143,7,7,"Okay, good, 'cause I'm gonna ride you like an unbroken stallion."
41026,143,7,7,Okay.
41027,143,7,7,"Giddyup, cowgirl."
41028,143,7,7,"No, I can't go through with this!"
41029,143,7,7,"Thank God, me neither!"
41030,143,7,7,You're too much like my dad.
41031,143,7,7,You're too much like my dad.
41032,143,7,7,Your dad?!
41033,143,7,7,"Okay, dropping trou--"
41034,143,7,7,bad idea.
41035,143,7,7,We're moving on from that.
41036,143,7,7,This guy is a snake.
41037,143,7,7,What?! No.
41038,143,7,7,Ted? He's a nice guy.
41039,143,7,7,"A really, really nice guy."
41040,143,7,7,You should be more like him.
41041,143,7,7,"Mom, right on schedule."
41042,143,7,7,What?
41043,143,7,7,Nothing.
41044,143,7,7,"I'm just saying, you think he's so fragile, and yet... Whoa, whoa, whoa, fragile?"
41045,143,7,7,You think I'm fragile?
41046,143,7,7,"Yeah, fragile like a fox."
41047,143,7,7,"First, he tries scaring me off with his little peep show."
41048,143,7,7,Then he crashes our movie.
41049,143,7,7,"Now, he's got tickets to some super romantic concert."
41050,143,7,7,It's Weird Al Yankovic.
41051,143,7,7,"Okay. But still, who's the first person he asked to go with him?"
41052,143,7,7,My girlfriend.
41053,143,7,7,(laughs)
41054,143,7,7,"Oh, man. Okay."
41055,143,7,7,You think I'm the first person Ted asked?
41056,143,7,7,(laughs)
41057,143,7,7,"Ted, am I the first person you asked?"
41058,143,7,7,Marshall...!
41059,143,7,7,"You, me, Weird Al."
41060,143,7,7,"No thanks, Ted."
41061,143,7,7,Barney...!
41062,143,7,7,I got two tickets to Weird Al Yan...
41063,143,7,7,(phone beeps off)
41064,143,7,7,Barney?
41065,143,7,7,Lily...!
41066,143,7,7,Come on! You'll be the hottest girl there!
41067,143,7,7,"Okay, you'll be the only girl there."
41068,143,7,7,(phone beeps off)
41069,143,7,7,Stuart...!
41070,143,7,7,Claudia...!
41071,143,7,7,Brad...!
41072,143,7,7,Nat-alie...!
41073,143,7,7,Trudy...!
41074,143,7,7,Ranjit...!
41075,143,7,7,Carl the bartender...!
41076,143,7,7,Dude from my bodega...!
41077,143,7,7,Steam cleaning coupon guy...!
41078,143,7,7,Mom...!
41079,143,7,7,Please? I'll fly you out.
41080,143,7,7,I don't think so.
41081,143,7,7,"I'm sorry, sweet pea."
41082,143,7,7,Is Clint there?
41083,143,7,7,No.
41084,143,7,7,Wow. You really are pretty fragile.
41085,143,7,7,"Look, I'm trying to explain to you guys that I'm..."
41086,143,7,7,"Well, how do you expect me to feel?!"
41087,143,7,7,"I mean, all I want is for someone to go to a Weird Al concert with me, and I'm stuck going with my roommate."
41088,143,7,7,"Yeah, I might have to rain-check you there, buddy."
41089,143,7,7,I'm not a Weird Al fan.
41090,143,7,7,He's just a rip-off of Peculiar Jacques.
41091,143,7,7,"(accordion playing ""O Canada"")"
41092,143,7,7,(boing)
41093,143,7,7,Guess I'm going to this concert alone.
41094,143,7,7,I'll be that weird guy.
41095,143,7,7,"I mean, that other weird guy."
41096,143,7,7,"You know, there is one guy you didn't ask yet."
41097,143,7,7,Someone who happens to be the biggest Weird Al fan in the whole world.
41098,143,7,7,Kevin...?
41099,143,7,7,Ted...!
41100,143,7,7,"Oh! Oh, you are gonna flip when you see our tickets."
41101,143,7,7,They're in the shape of an accordion.
41102,143,7,7,(falsetto): What?!
41103,143,7,7,"So, uh, you like Weird Al?"
41104,143,7,7,Not in the slightest.
41105,143,7,7,"No, dude, I'm the biggest Weird Al fan."
41106,143,7,7,"I know, I'm agreeing with you."
41107,143,7,7,"Do you know that I gave him the idea for ""Like a Surgeon."" Yeah."
41108,143,7,7,"Yeah. I wrote him a fan letter, and then a few months later..."
41109,143,7,7,All: Bam! Top of the charts!
41110,143,7,7,You guys can eat it.
41111,143,7,7,Just... eat it.
41112,143,7,7,Hey.
41113,143,7,7,Hey.
41114,143,7,7,How'd it go with Nora?
41115,143,7,7,"Well, among other things, I realized Nora's a lot like my mom."
41116,143,7,7,"I'll bet that ruined things, huh?"
41117,143,7,7,(electric guitar riff plays)
41118,143,7,7,Come on. Barney Stinson always turns it around.
41119,143,7,7,How?
41120,143,7,7,Simple.
41121,143,7,7,I turned... it... around.
41122,143,7,7,Others: Oh... Uh-huh? Uh-huh?
41123,143,7,7,"So the mom thing wasn't a total deal breaker, huh?"
41124,143,7,7,No!
41125,143,7,7,"Guys, my mom is the best person I know."
41126,143,7,7,"If Nora's even the tiniest bit like her, I'm a lucky guy."
41127,143,7,7,"Hey, you know what?"
41128,143,7,7,I'm a real lucky guy. 'Cause I married my dad.
41129,143,7,7,Aw.
41130,143,7,7,"So, uh, you want to go get luckier?"
41131,143,7,7,"Bye, guys."
41132,143,7,7,See ya.
41133,143,7,7,"So, what should we do now? ""We"" should do nothing."
41134,143,7,7,"You guys get out of here, go watch your movie."
41135,143,7,7,I'm fine. Really.
41136,143,7,7,You sure?
41137,143,7,7,Yeah.
41138,143,7,7,"Thanks, buddy."
41139,143,7,7,"Uh, hey... hey, Kevin."
41140,143,7,7,I think I'm a clone now.
41141,143,7,7,(laughs)
41142,143,7,7,I'm sorry.
41143,143,7,7,Were you just quoting Weird Al?
41144,143,7,7,I was indeed.
41145,143,7,7,I'm a huge Weird Al fan.
41146,143,7,7,"Well, then I need to buy you a drink."
41147,143,7,7,"I'll have a glass of champagne, sweet pea."
41148,143,7,7,One glass of champa--
41149,143,7,7,Sweet pea?
41150,143,7,7,Sure. Meeting a fellow Weird Al fan?
41151,143,7,7,That's cause for celebration.
41152,143,7,7,"Bottle of bubbly, coming right up!"
41153,143,7,7,(chuckles)
41154,143,7,7,(sighs)
41155,143,7,7,"""Dear Mr. Yankovic, ""my name is Ted Mosby... ""eight years old... 'Eat It' changed my life..."""
41156,143,7,7,"Blah, blah, blah."
41157,143,7,7,"Uhp. Here we go. ""I have some ideas for new songs you could do."""
41158,143,7,7,"Why can't they just leave me alone?! ""Wake Me Up Before You Pogo."""
41159,143,7,7,"Spend a whole afternoon on that one? ""Like a Surgeon."""
41160,143,7,7,(scoffs)
41161,143,7,7,"♪ I finally made it through med school ♪♪ Somehow I made it through, ooh... ♪"
41162,143,7,7,Vinny!
41163,144,7,8,"Narrator: Kids, for years, your Uncle Barney had reveled in mocking Aunt Robin's Canadian heritage."
41164,144,7,8,To have to grow up in Canada... with America right there.
41165,144,7,8,It's like an entire country without a tailor.
41166,144,7,8,Why? Why do we let you be a country?!
41167,144,7,8,Narrator: But all that was about to change.
41168,144,7,8,I was on Facebook.
41169,144,7,8,Nobody cool's on Facebook anymore.
41170,144,7,8,"Well, you know who is on Facebook now?"
41171,144,7,8,Everybody's parents.
41172,144,7,8,"And I just happen to be friends with Barney's long-lost father, Mr. Jerome Whitaker."
41173,144,7,8,"Me, too."
41174,144,7,8,He's gotten really good at Bejeweled Blitz.
41175,144,7,8,And guess who thought my status update about Manitoba was so interesting because his mother was born in Manitoba?
41176,144,7,8,What?
41177,144,7,8,Which means your grandmother...
41178,144,7,8,No...
41179,144,7,8,Which makes you...
41180,144,7,8,Don't say it!
41181,144,7,8,...one-quarter Canadian!
41182,144,7,8,"(""Oh, Canada"" plays)"
41183,144,7,8,"Welcome to the tribe, hoser!"
41184,144,7,8,No... it's not true!
41185,144,7,8,That's impossible!
41186,144,7,8,(gasps)
41187,144,7,8,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x08 ♪
41188,144,7,8,The Slutty Pumpkin Returns
41189,144,7,8,"Original Air Date on October 31, 2011"
41190,144,7,8,"Narrator: Once upon a time at a Halloween party, I met a girl dressed like a pumpkin... a slutty pumpkin."
41191,144,7,8,And she was extraordinary.
41192,144,7,8,"But she gave me her number on a Kit Kat bar,"
41193,144,7,8,which was tragically given away
41194,144,7,8,as Halloween candy.
41195,144,7,8,So every year I return to that same party hoping I'd see her again.
41196,144,7,8,"But with every passing October,"
41197,144,7,8,that hope grew a little dimmer.
41198,144,7,8,"Then one day, after ten years of searching..."
41199,144,7,8,"This might sound creepy, but do you have a record of who rented it in 2001?"
41200,144,7,8,"Wow, that was easy."
41201,144,7,8,You're not the first lovelorn young man to walk through that door.
41202,144,7,8,Three girls got proposals off my wife's slutty artichoke costume.
41203,144,7,8,"Two others disappeared, but I focus on the positive."
41204,144,7,8,I couldn't believe it. I actually had her address.
41205,144,7,8,I knew I had to play this right.
41206,144,7,8,It's not like I could just walk
41207,144,7,8,up and knock on her door.
41208,144,7,8,"Hi, you probably don't remember me, but..."
41209,144,7,8,"Halloween, ten years ago."
41210,144,7,8,Now that's a slow play.
41211,144,7,8,"The next day, Lily and Marshall headed out to Lily's grandparents for dinner."
41212,144,7,8,Marshall loved it out in the 'burbs.
41213,144,7,8,Look how many fireflies I caught!
41214,144,7,8,Don't forget to poke holes in the jar this time.
41215,144,7,8,Now we have a nice surprise for you.
41216,144,7,8,"Whatever it is, we're saying no."
41217,144,7,8,What?
41218,144,7,8,You know what.
41219,144,7,8,"Every time we're here, my grandparents stick us with some big old piece of junk they're getting rid of."
41220,144,7,8,It's like the world's worst Showcase Showdown.
41221,144,7,8,It's a perfectly usable lawnmower!
41222,144,7,8,(laughs gleefully)
41223,144,7,8,We live in an apartment!
41224,144,7,8,But maybe someday when we move to the suburbs...
41225,144,7,8,We're never moving to the suburbs!
41226,144,7,8,And you also get... this skinny microphone!
41227,144,7,8,Oh!
41228,144,7,8,"Before we head out to our place in Florida, we wanted to give our favorite granddaughter a little something."
41229,144,7,8,"Ooh, it's so small. I love it!"
41230,144,7,8,A key?
41231,144,7,8,We're giving you the house.
41232,144,7,8,"Lily, I know you've always hated the suburbs..."
41233,144,7,8,We'll take it!
41234,144,7,8,"Narrator: For my first date with the slutty pumpkin, I took her someplace special."
41235,144,7,8,"Ted, this is so romantic."
41236,144,7,8,The spot where we first met ten years ago.
41237,144,7,8,Do you remember the song that was playing that night?
41238,144,7,8,I remember how beautiful you looked.
41239,144,7,8,"♪ It's been one week since you looked at me ♪♪ Cocked your head to the side and said, ""I'm angry."" ♪"
41240,144,7,8,"Is that, uh, the Barenaked Ladies, huh?"
41241,144,7,8,♪ Five days since you laughed at me ♪
41242,144,7,8,"♪ Saying, ""Get that together. Come back and see me."" ♪"
41243,144,7,8,"Kids, it took me ten years, but I finally kissed her."
41244,144,7,8,And it was... terrible.
41245,144,7,8,"Lily, you hate the suburbs."
41246,144,7,8,"I know, but my grandparents giving us a house right when the baby's on the way?"
41247,144,7,8,It's perfect timing.
41248,144,7,8,This is great. I'm finally gonna be able to barbecue with proper ventilation.
41249,144,7,8,Marshall! (coughing)
41250,144,7,8,"We're moving to the suburbs, baby!"
41251,144,7,8,Oh...
41252,144,7,8,Okay.
41253,144,7,8,"Baby, you're not moving to the suburbs."
41254,144,7,8,Why not?
41255,144,7,8,Lily is only agreeing to all this because of Pregnancy Brain.
41256,144,7,8,Pregnancy Brain? That's not a thing.
41257,144,7,8,It's totally a thing.
41258,144,7,8,"Her brain is marinating in a cocktail of hormones, mood swings and jacked-up nesting instincts."
41259,144,7,8,"I mean, yes, right now Lily is a goddess bestowing the miracle of life, but damn, she dumb!"
41260,144,7,8,"Well, I have noticed some stuff."
41261,144,7,8,I can't find my keys or wallet anywhere!
41262,144,7,8,I found them... here in the freezer.
41263,144,7,8,"Hey, but where are the ice cube trays?"
41264,144,7,8,No idea.
41265,144,7,8,(sobbing): Those poor ice cubes!
41266,144,7,8,I guess she has been a little off lately.
41267,144,7,8,A little? She just texted me wanting directions back from the bathroom.
41268,144,7,8,Oh. We're over here!
41269,144,7,8,"You're doing great, sweetie!"
41270,144,7,8,That moron should not be making big life decisions right now.
41271,144,7,8,"If you let her move to the suburbs, it would be like taking advantage of a helpless drunk chick."
41272,144,7,8,What? Where?!
41273,144,7,8,"Oh, I got a girlfriend, right."
41274,144,7,8,"Baby, we should put off moving."
41275,144,7,8,Why?
41276,144,7,8,Because I think the pregnancy is affecting your judgment.
41277,144,7,8,"No, Marshall, this is an amazing opportunity that we have to take advantage of!"
41278,144,7,8,Just because my body is growing a fungus...
41279,144,7,8,Fetus.
41280,144,7,8,...doesn't mean that my metal factories...
41281,144,7,8,Meal faculties.
41282,144,7,8,...are in any way funicular.
41283,144,7,8,No idea.
41284,144,7,8,Mmm... (slurps)
41285,144,7,8,This is nice. What is this?
41286,144,7,8,Canadian whiskey.
41287,144,7,8,I want scotch!
41288,144,7,8,American scotch from Scotland!
41289,144,7,8,Get that swill away from me!
41290,144,7,8,(hisses)
41291,144,7,8,Why are you doing this to me?
41292,144,7,8,You have been ripping on Canada since Justin Bieber was knee-high to a snow blower.
41293,144,7,8,So now this Canuck's gonna beat on you like the drummer from Yukon Blonde hopped up on Timbits.
41294,144,7,8,Hey.
41295,144,7,8,Hey!
41296,144,7,8,How was your big date with the Snuffy Tuffkin?
41297,144,7,8,The Sniffy Napkin?
41298,144,7,8,The Slouchy Foreskin?
41299,144,7,8,Lily tie-tie.
41300,144,7,8,It was good... ish.
41301,144,7,8,"Look, there's Orion's Belt."
41302,144,7,8,Oh.
41303,144,7,8,Why does holding hands feel this weird?
41304,144,7,8,Should our fingers not intertwine?
41305,144,7,8,What's causing that pinching feeling?
41306,144,7,8,I'll just cup her hand.
41307,144,7,8,There. That's... not great.
41308,144,7,8,Her hair's up my nose.
41309,144,7,8,Her shoulder's jabbing into my windpipe.
41310,144,7,8,Maybe if we reposition.
41311,144,7,8,I have to say something.
41312,144,7,8,"She must be feeling it, too."
41313,144,7,8,This feels so right.
41314,144,7,8,We fit like two puzzle pieces.
41315,144,7,8,Yeah.
41316,144,7,8,"Ted, I know you've waited ten years for this girl, but some things just aren't meant to be."
41317,144,7,8,"Not so fast. At the end of the night, when I leaned in and somehow accidentally kissed her open eyeball, there was a slight flicker of something I might even call chemistry... adjacent."
41318,144,7,8,Thank you.
41319,144,7,8,Wait.
41320,144,7,8,Where is my cash?
41321,144,7,8,"Oh, yeah, I did a little exchange for ya, Canucklehead."
41322,144,7,8,"This Canadian dollar here is called a ""loonie."""
41323,144,7,8,"And this two-dollar coin? A ""toonie."" True story."
41324,144,7,8,It's federal currency and you people talk about it like it's a Hannah-
41325,144,7,8,Barbera character.
41326,144,7,8,"Not you people, Barney."
41327,144,7,8,Our people.
41328,144,7,8,"Narrator: Even though my first date with Naomi was a little awkward, our second date was a lot awkward."
41329,144,7,8,Mmm...!
41330,144,7,8,This is the worst kissing of all time!
41331,144,7,8,Mmm...
41332,144,7,8,How could she possibly be into this?
41333,144,7,8,(moans loudly)
41334,144,7,8,She sounds like those cows in Temple Grandin's hug machines.
41335,144,7,8,Do you want to listen to some music?
41336,144,7,8,Uh-huh!
41337,144,7,8,"(""One Week"" plays)"
41338,144,7,8,"Ted, this is our song."
41339,144,7,8,Let's make love to this song.
41340,144,7,8,"♪ Chickety China, the Chinese chicken ♪♪ Have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin' ♪"
41341,144,7,8,"Yeah, I just gotta run to the bathroom."
41342,144,7,8,"♪ X-Files with no lights on, we're dans la maison. ♪"
41343,144,7,8,"Hey, doofus!"
41344,144,7,8,It's me: you at age 15.
41345,144,7,8,And we made a deal we would always boink any chick that wants to boink us!
41346,144,7,8,"Yes, she's beautiful, it's just there's no connection there."
41347,144,7,8,"I don't feel intimate with her. ""Intimate""? Let me remind you of some things you did feel ""intimate"" with when you were 15: a catcher's mitt, an oven mitt, a glass of warm water, a half-open hide-a-bed sofa, a top-loading VCR!"
41348,144,7,8,It's not gonna happen!
41349,144,7,8,Come on!
41350,144,7,8,"It'll take, like, 30 seconds!"
41351,144,7,8,"Naomi, listen..."
41352,144,7,8,Shh...
41353,144,7,8,"You like that, Ted?"
41354,144,7,8,Hmm.
41355,144,7,8,Do you ike it when I caress your hair?
41356,144,7,8,Your hair is so nice to caress.
41357,144,7,8,Why is she saying that word?
41358,144,7,8,I like to caress your hair.
41359,144,7,8,"There it is again! ""Caress!"" Who says that?"
41360,144,7,8,Caress.
41361,144,7,8,"The thing is, I like her, okay?"
41362,144,7,8,"I really, really like her."
41363,144,7,8,I just don't seem to like anything she says or does.
41364,144,7,8,"I have to break up with her, don't I?"
41365,144,7,8,All: Yes!
41366,144,7,8,"After you sleep with her, yes!"
41367,144,7,8,"Marshall, I've been thinking about what you said."
41368,144,7,8,"You're right, we shouldn't move to the suburbs."
41369,144,7,8,Let's not make any huge life decisions right now.
41370,144,7,8,Is this because you tried to make waffles with the laptop this morning?
41371,144,7,8,"Anyway, I'm gonna call a real estate broker to come look at the house tomorrow."
41372,144,7,8,"Oh, by the way, I ordered those Minnesota Vikings drapes."
41373,144,7,8,"You're right, they're totally gonna class up our apartment."
41374,144,7,8,"Okay, yes. It's wrong to bang a drunk chick."
41375,144,7,8,"But you're an idiot if you don't get, like, a little something."
41376,144,7,8,"Yo, Canada."
41377,144,7,8,What? Dammit!
41378,144,7,8,"Ha, you answer to ""Canada"" now."
41379,144,7,8,I'll make you a deal.
41380,144,7,8,"You wear this costume to the Halloween party tomorrow night, I'll drop it forever."
41381,144,7,8,You can't be serious.
41382,144,7,8,"Oh, I am as serious as a poutine shortage in Chicoutimi during a curling bonspiel."
41383,144,7,8,I don't know what any of those words mean.
41384,144,7,8,Yes. You do.
41385,144,7,8,(doorbell rings)
41386,144,7,8,"Oh, that must be the broker. Marshall, will you get it?"
41387,144,7,8,Sure. Of course.
41388,144,7,8,Trick or treat!
41389,144,7,8,"Oh, my gosh. How cute!"
41390,144,7,8,"I'm sorry, we don't have any candy."
41391,144,7,8,"Um, we forgot about trick-or-treaters."
41392,144,7,8,We don't get any where we live.
41393,144,7,8,Yup. Only get this kind of cuteness in the suburbs.
41394,144,7,8,Oh. Look at how sweet and happy and unarmed they all are!
41395,144,7,8,Are you using adorable little children in costumes to manipulate me?
41396,144,7,8,Bye!
41397,144,7,8,"I mean, did you even call a real estate broker?"
41398,144,7,8,No.
41399,144,7,8,I've got Pregnancy Brain like a fiddle and I've been playing you like a fox.
41400,144,7,8,"♪ Oh, Canada... ♪"
41401,144,7,8,♪ Our home and native land... ♪
41402,144,7,8,(sobbing)
41403,144,7,8,
41404,144,7,8,Narrator: I knew it would be tough to break up with Naomi.
41405,144,7,8,"But when it's just not there, you can't force it."
41406,144,7,8,Happy Halloween.
41407,144,7,8,"And just like that, I was taken back ten years... to the hopeful kid in the hanging chad costume, falling head over heels for the Slutty Pumpkin."
41408,144,7,8,I made you something.
41409,144,7,8,Oh.
41410,144,7,8,Your costume from that first night.
41411,144,7,8,"Although you do realize that even ten years ago, the hanging chad reference was like almost a year old."
41412,144,7,8,(laughs) Wow...
41413,144,7,8,I can't believe you made this.
41414,144,7,8,I can't believe you found me.
41415,144,7,8,"Ted: Stay strong, Teddy. We can do this."
41416,144,7,8,I...
41417,144,7,8,"""Have to break up with you,"" just say it."
41418,144,7,8,Love...
41419,144,7,8,"Wait, what?"
41420,144,7,8,"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
41421,144,7,8,Say sunsets! Pancakes! Anything!
41422,144,7,8,Just don't say...
41423,144,7,8,You.
41424,144,7,8,No!
41425,144,7,8,Barney? Where are you?
41426,144,7,8,You're moving slower than John Diefenbaker climbing Mount Hungabee on Boxing Day.
41427,144,7,8,Those are all real references to our shared homeland.
41428,144,7,8,Barney: I'll be right there.
41429,144,7,8,"Can't wait to see you in your costume, Dudley Do-Right."
41430,144,7,8,♪ Living in America ♪♪ Ow! ♪
41431,144,7,8,♪ Eye to eye ♪♪ Station to station ♪
41432,144,7,8,♪ Living in America ♪♪ Hand in hand ♪
41433,144,7,8,♪ Across the nation ♪♪ Living in America ♪
41434,144,7,8,♪ Got to have a celebration ♪♪ Rock my soul ♪
41435,144,7,8,♪ Ow! ♪
41436,144,7,8,"If we move here, you're just going to have that baby, and then you're going to hate me for letting you do this. I'm going to love it here."
41437,144,7,8,"Oh, we'd have so much room in the suburbs."
41438,144,7,8,You can get that pinball machine you've always wanted.
41439,144,7,8,You can put it anywhere you want.
41440,144,7,8,Stop it. You don't know what you're saying.
41441,144,7,8,Anywhere.
41442,144,7,8,"Upstairs, downstairs... you can stick it in the back."
41443,144,7,8,"Lily, I want to be inside this house so bad."
41444,144,7,8,USA! USA!
41445,144,7,8,USA!
41446,144,7,8,Come on!
41447,144,7,8,"Okay, so rather than wearing a Mountie costume and end this forever, you show up shirtless to an outdoor party?"
41448,144,7,8,It's practically November.
41449,144,7,8,No biggie. I ain't cold.
41450,144,7,8,Huh. Interesting.
41451,144,7,8,It's fascinating.
41452,144,7,8,Almost as if your body was accustomed to low temperatures after generations of adapting.
41453,144,7,8,(whispering): Canada.
41454,144,7,8,No.
41455,144,7,8,"Guys, hey. Robin, Barney, this is Naomi."
41456,144,7,8,Hey.
41457,144,7,8,Hey.
41458,144,7,8,Nice to meet you guys.
41459,144,7,8,I'm gonna go make some Tootsie Rolls. It's a drink I invented.
41460,144,7,8,"There's a song and dance that goes along with it, but I have to drink three of them before I can do it."
41461,144,7,8,Oh. Okay. You go.
41462,144,7,8,This way.
41463,144,7,8,Sounds delicious. In theory.
41464,144,7,8,But you never know until you taste it.
41465,144,7,8,Ted... have you tasted her Tootsie Roll?
41466,144,7,8,Of course not.
41467,144,7,8,Ow.
41468,144,7,8,Wait. Have you?
41469,144,7,8,(gasps)
41470,144,7,8,You had s*x with someone you have zero feelings for!
41471,144,7,8,U-S-A!
41472,144,7,8,U-S...
41473,144,7,8,Stop it.
41474,144,7,8,Just no part of it felt right.
41475,144,7,8,"At first there was too much eye contact, then not enough."
41476,144,7,8,Where do you look during s*x?
41477,144,7,8,"Um, into the hidden camera at future me watching it."
41478,144,7,8,"Okay. Wait. How does saying ""I want to break up with you"" lead into s*x?"
41479,144,7,8,"I didn't say ""I want to break up with you,"" exactly."
41480,144,7,8,"What did you say, exactly? ""I love you."""
41481,144,7,8,Classic Schmosby.
41482,144,7,8,(sighs)
41483,144,7,8,"Marshall, this house wants you so bad. ""Mow my lawn. ""Rake my leaves."
41484,144,7,8,"Winterize my pipes"""""
41485,144,7,8,Yes!
41486,144,7,8,Yes! I'm coming... to terms with this decision!
41487,144,7,8,(doorbell rings)
41488,144,7,8,Oh!
41489,144,7,8,Trick or treat!
41490,144,7,8,Yay!
41491,144,7,8,Okay.
41492,144,7,8,Oh.
41493,144,7,8,Happy Halloween.
41494,144,7,8,Lily.
41495,144,7,8,Yeah?
41496,144,7,8,"You just gave those children a stapler, a pair of sharp scissors, and a pretty decent Pinot Noir."
41497,144,7,8,I did?
41498,144,7,8,"Oh, my God."
41499,144,7,8,(sobbing): I'm going to miss that stapler so much.
41500,144,7,8,"I'm not doing so great, am I?"
41501,144,7,8,Maybe not.
41502,144,7,8,"We shouldn't make any huge life decisions right now, should we?"
41503,144,7,8,"Hey, look, I love you and I-I love the idea of raising our kids with a lawn and a white picket fence, but we have our whole lives to decide when and if we want to do that."
41504,144,7,8,Do what?
41505,144,7,8,Let's get you home.
41506,144,7,8,Ooh.
41507,144,7,8,Kid: That's for the stapler!
41508,144,7,8,I hate the suburbs.
41509,144,7,8,(sighs)
41510,144,7,8,Naomi...
41511,144,7,8,We have to end this.
41512,144,7,8,W-- huh?
41513,144,7,8,"I'm sorry, Tootsie Rolls make me really honest."
41514,144,7,8,Ted... I know you're super into me.
41515,144,7,8,But we are terrible together.
41516,144,7,8,"Wait, what?"
41517,144,7,8,"I've been trying, saying things felt good that didn't just to..."
41518,144,7,8,"I thought saying it was good would make it feel good, but..."
41519,144,7,8,...it always felt off.
41520,144,7,8,(both sigh)
41521,144,7,8,Naomi: Why won't he stop sniffing my hair?
41522,144,7,8,And what's up with the hand holding?
41523,144,7,8,It's like he's trying to win a thumb war.
41524,144,7,8,"Ted, this is our song."
41525,144,7,8,"Oh, no, he thinks I'm actually into this song."
41526,144,7,8,Does he not get sarcasm?
41527,144,7,8,Let's make love to this song.
41528,144,7,8,I'll just be even more ridiculous to make it clear it's a joke.
41529,144,7,8,"♪ Chickety-China, the Chinese chicken... ♪"
41530,144,7,8,I...
41531,144,7,8,"Uh-oh, where you going with this, buddy?"
41532,144,7,8,...love...
41533,144,7,8,"Nope, too soon."
41534,144,7,8,"Say basset hounds, Pretzel Crisps, anything but..."
41535,144,7,8,...you.
41536,144,7,8,"Oh, God, just kiss him before he proposes."
41537,144,7,8,"Ted, I've been looking for the Hot Hanging Chad for the last nine Halloweens."
41538,144,7,8,"I've waded through a sweaty parade of Big Lebowskis, Harry Potters, Antoine Dodsons, and that jackass who always dresses as laundry."
41539,144,7,8,"Oh, I hate that guy."
41540,144,7,8,"That's why, once I finally found you..."
41541,144,7,8,...it was hard to let you go.
41542,144,7,8,"Good-bye, Ted."
41543,144,7,8,Let's just not touch ever again.
41544,144,7,8,"Probably a good idea, yeah."
41545,144,7,8,Okay.
41546,144,7,8,"Narrator: Kids, after spending a decade dreaming of the wrong girl, I wanted more than ever for the next woman I met to be the real thing."
41547,144,7,8,"Yeah, I don't know, Barney, she doesn't seem like my type."
41548,144,7,8,I will kill you.
41549,144,7,8,I'll see what I can do.
41550,144,7,8,(mouthing)
41551,144,7,8,(grunting)
41552,144,7,8,"(Canadian accent): Oh, hey there, I'm Barney, how are you?"
41553,144,7,8,"No, I'm Barney."
41554,144,7,8,Whoa.
41555,144,7,8,You pack quite a wallop there.
41556,144,7,8,Hope you didn't hurt your hand.
41557,144,7,8,Why are you so nice?
41558,144,7,8,(grunts)
41559,144,7,8,"Oh, sorry about my thick noodle there."
41560,144,7,8,"How about we split the cost of the vase, eh?"
41561,144,7,8,(grunts)
41562,144,7,8,Holy Zamboni.
41563,144,7,8,"Wow, you really put your weight behind that one."
41564,144,7,8,That was a really good one.
41565,145,7,9,♪ ♪
41566,145,7,9,Psst. In here!
41567,145,7,9,I'm safe. Not quite.
41568,145,7,9,"The amulet, please, Mr. Stinson."
41569,145,7,9,Why?
41570,145,7,9,Help! Help! The kid.
41571,145,7,9,"Help! Hang on, kid."
41572,145,7,9,Grab my tie.
41573,145,7,9,But you're not supposed to take the tie off.
41574,145,7,9,You lost a bet with your friends Lily and Marshall which requires you to wear the tie for a full year.
41575,145,7,9,"If it means saving your life, I think they'll understand!"
41576,145,7,9,They sound like nice people!
41577,145,7,9,"Yeah, they are."
41578,145,7,9,Grab that...
41579,145,7,9,Come on.
41580,145,7,9,That's it.
41581,145,7,9,"Thanks, Mister."
41582,145,7,9,How can I repay you?
41583,145,7,9,"You can stay in school, that's how."
41584,145,7,9,No!
41585,145,7,9,True story.
41586,145,7,9,"But golly, I'm just gonna miss the heck out of that ducky tie. I really am."
41587,145,7,9,Look what I just found in the trash.
41588,145,7,9,No!
41589,145,7,9,"Kids, you haven't truly lived until somewhere, somebody puts a sign up because of something you did. For instance..."
41590,145,7,9,"Have you guys seen that sign out front that says ""Absolutely No Boogie-Boarding""?"
41591,145,7,9,What's that all about?
41592,145,7,9,"Oh, that's a great story. You got time for it?"
41593,145,7,9,"Well, I'm supposed to go to my mom's birthday party, so... please make it as long as you can."
41594,145,7,9,"Well, it happened a few months ago."
41595,145,7,9,The night of the hurricane...
41596,145,7,9,"Kids, it was August 26, 2011, and Hurricane Irene was barreling towards New York."
41597,145,7,9,"Guys, guys, guys."
41598,145,7,9,And a Boy Scout is always what?
41599,145,7,9,Unpopular? Beaten up?
41600,145,7,9,Going to the movies with his mom?
41601,145,7,9,A Boy Scout is always prepared.
41602,145,7,9,Prepared to spend lunch in his locker?
41603,145,7,9,Prepared to die a virgin?
41604,145,7,9,Prepared to paint his sister's nails?
41605,145,7,9,Prepared for emergencies!
41606,145,7,9,"That's why a week ago, when Irene was just a tropical depression-"
41607,145,7,9,You're a tropical depression.
41608,145,7,9,"This guy got us... a disaster backpack, and a rental car that seats five, parked right outside."
41609,145,7,9,We're gonna drive up to my place in Westchester where we'll all be safe.
41610,145,7,9,Boy Scouted! You're welcome.
41611,145,7,9,"Ted's right, we should go."
41612,145,7,9,"Hey, on the way out of the city, do you mind if we stop at my place so I can get something?"
41613,145,7,9,"Okay, what did you have to get?"
41614,145,7,9,My drink on. We're not going anywhere.
41615,145,7,9,What? No!
41616,145,7,9,We don't have time for this! We gotta get going!
41617,145,7,9,"Ted, I'm older than you. Yeah."
41618,145,7,9,And taller. Just older.
41619,145,7,9,"And when you reach my age, and height, you'll see that things like this hurricane are no big deal."
41620,145,7,9,They're going to close the bridges.
41621,145,7,9,"You guys, we got to get out of here."
41622,145,7,9,I'm afraid I'm with blondie on this one.
41623,145,7,9,This storm is nothing. I'm from Vancouver.
41624,145,7,9,You know what we call this in the Couv?
41625,145,7,9,Barbecue weather.
41626,145,7,9,"Yeah, I'm with these guys."
41627,145,7,9,Drinking beer in front of Barney's giant TV beats sitting in the car
41628,145,7,9,listening to Memoires of a Geisha.
41629,145,7,9,"Come on, we're at the best part."
41630,145,7,9,"Oh, it's my mom, checking to see if I'm okay."
41631,145,7,9,"Hey, Mom."
41632,145,7,9,"Ooh, Mommy! It's drizzling out!"
41633,145,7,9,I'm so scared!
41634,145,7,9,Bikini weather.
41635,145,7,9,"Marshall, you're with me, right?"
41636,145,7,9,"Sorry, old friend."
41637,145,7,9,But I can't afford to tempt fate.
41638,145,7,9,"Oh right, I was being really weird."
41639,145,7,9,I should explain.
41640,145,7,9,Last summer I quit my job.
41641,145,7,9,"And then, a week before the hurricane..."
41642,145,7,9,"Huh, my medical insurance just expired."
41643,145,7,9,That gives me two uninsured weeks before I'm added to your plan.
41644,145,7,9,It's no biggie.
41645,145,7,9,Ow! Paper cut.
41646,145,7,9,Death is all around us.
41647,145,7,9,So for the next two weeks he was basically a really clingy Edgar Allan Poe.
41648,145,7,9,The Grim Reaper beckons.
41649,145,7,9,"I feel his icy grip around my throat, the breath of his hounds at my heels, the unrelenting rat-tat-tat of his scythe on my chamber door."
41650,145,7,9,"And you, with your blithe request, you only hasten his inevitable triumph."
41651,145,7,9,Is that what you desire?
41652,145,7,9,"Is that what you desire, Lily?"
41653,145,7,9,I just wanted you to get us some bagels.
41654,145,7,9,Bagels?!
41655,145,7,9,Do you have any idea what could happen to me whilst getting bagels?!
41656,145,7,9,"What the...?! No, not like this!"
41657,145,7,9,Fine. I'll go get the bagels.
41658,145,7,9,No!
41659,145,7,9,Why not?
41660,145,7,9,"And remember, not too much cream cheese."
41661,145,7,9,"Half a shmear, max."
41662,145,7,9,"Thanks, baby."
41663,145,7,9,No! No! Not like this!
41664,145,7,9,"Okay, now you're just being ridiculous."
41665,145,7,9,"Well, life is ridiculous, Lily!"
41666,145,7,9,"People get run over by buses and hit in the nuts by skateboards, bitten by babies."
41667,145,7,9,"Nobody wakes up and says, ""Today I'm gonna star in a YouTube video."""
41668,145,7,9,You've said that at least a dozen times.
41669,145,7,9,"Lily, for the next two weeks you must be by my side protecting me."
41670,145,7,9,"Why, what's gonna happen?"
41671,145,7,9,Answer: a hurricane.
41672,145,7,9,Just let me take off the tie! Please!
41673,145,7,9,I have to wear this at work.
41674,145,7,9,Do you have any idea what that's like?
41675,145,7,9,"If the SEC pursues charges, it's going to be all our asses."
41676,145,7,9,Nobody takes this more seriously than I do.
41677,145,7,9,"Please, can I take it off?"
41678,145,7,9,You... may... knot.
41679,145,7,9,"With a ""K."""
41680,145,7,9,A little tie pun.
41681,145,7,9,This is far from over.
41682,145,7,9,"You have a price, Eriksen, and I will find it."
41683,145,7,9,"When the end of day is nigh, I'll have taken off this tie."
41684,145,7,9,"I'm going to like the way I look, I guarantee it."
41685,145,7,9,So boogie-boarding...
41686,145,7,9,Boogie-boarding. So I was trying to get these guys to leave.
41687,145,7,9,"Hey, Nerdlinger, what's with the safety boner?"
41688,145,7,9,"I mean, come on."
41689,145,7,9,"The disaster kit, the car, the ladies' rain boots-"
41690,145,7,9,"Uh, they're men's."
41691,145,7,9,Pink is just easier to spot from the rescue chopper.
41692,145,7,9,"Look, forgive me for caring about you guys, but you're my best friends in the world and I just want to make sure you're okay."
41693,145,7,9,"Ah. Ted, you are a giant whining bummer."
41694,145,7,9,Barney...
41695,145,7,9,"Come on, Ted, this storm is not a big deal."
41696,145,7,9,This storm is a big deal.
41697,145,7,9,Let's replay that harrowing footage of Irene touching down in North Carolina.
41698,145,7,9,We gotta get out of here!
41699,145,7,9,"Go, go! Come on, come on!"
41700,145,7,9,Please let me take it off! No.
41701,145,7,9,"$5,000? No."
41702,145,7,9,Is he serious?
41703,145,7,9,"$10,000?"
41704,145,7,9,"No. Dudes, take the money."
41705,145,7,9,"$20,000? No."
41706,145,7,9,Yes. I'll let you slap me in the face as hard as you can. You have my attention.
41707,145,7,9,"Kids, you remember Marshall and Barney's slap bet. A few years earlier, Barney lost a bet to Marshall. His penalty was five slaps delivered anyplace, anytime. So far, Marshall had slapped Barney four times. Which meant he only had one slap left."
41708,145,7,9,"What do you say, Marshall? Are you going to seize this slap-ortunity or let it slap through your fingers?"
41709,145,7,9,"Don't let him tempt you, Marshall."
41710,145,7,9,"I don't know, Lily. I mean we have a baby on the way."
41711,145,7,9,An extra slap could really come in handy.
41712,145,7,9,No! No!
41713,145,7,9,This is crazy.
41714,145,7,9,You having to wear that tie for another ten months is all the satisfaction I need.
41715,145,7,9,"Plus, I still have one slap left, and that feels good. But if you didn't have that slap left-"
41716,145,7,9,"if say, I were to get you to slap me tonight-"
41717,145,7,9,I suppose that would change everything.
41718,145,7,9,I suppose it would.
41719,145,7,9,Le jeu commence. Je m'appelle Marshall.
41720,145,7,9,So boogie-boarding... Boogie-boarding.
41721,145,7,9,"So I was trying to get these guys to leave, but there was one little problem."
41722,145,7,9,"Come on, let's go."
41723,145,7,9,I'm staying.
41724,145,7,9,What?! Barney?!
41725,145,7,9,"Hey, hey, it's going to get pretty crazy out there."
41726,145,7,9,"And if some hot woman gets all her clothes blown off, and I'm not up here to videotape it and put it up on the Internet, who will, FEMA?"
41727,145,7,9,"Come on, open your eyes."
41728,145,7,9,"No, no, you are coming with us."
41729,145,7,9,We leave no man behind.
41730,145,7,9,"Hey, Mom."
41731,145,7,9,"Uh, yeah, the boots were a big hit."
41732,145,7,9,"You know, I better pee."
41733,145,7,9,"But when Lily and I get back, we're all leaving."
41734,145,7,9,"Wait, I have to go pee with you?"
41735,145,7,9,"You want me to go to the ""bathroom,"" the most dangerous room in the house by myself?"
41736,145,7,9,Do you have any idea what could happen?
41737,145,7,9,Ow! My eye!
41738,145,7,9,I'm blind!
41739,145,7,9,"No, no! Not like this!"
41740,145,7,9,I don't think we're seeing eye to eye about the likelihood of that happening.
41741,145,7,9,"Hey, it's my dad."
41742,145,7,9,My dad's calling me.
41743,145,7,9,"Hey, do you know where...? Ted got his boots?"
41744,145,7,9,Yeah. They're fabulous. I totally want a pair.
41745,145,7,9,"Okay, Dad, I will. Thanks."
41746,145,7,9,"Guys, Dad says this hurricane is a bigger deal than you thought."
41747,145,7,9,I'm taking charge. We are getting out of here.
41748,145,7,9,
41749,145,7,9,"Okay, what is with everybody's parents calling to check up on them?"
41750,145,7,9,It's just a little rain.
41751,145,7,9,Lawn-mowing weather.
41752,145,7,9,Bocce weather.
41753,145,7,9,Wow. You're really bummed that your dad's not worried about you.
41754,145,7,9,What?!
41755,145,7,9,Eh... What would my dad be worried about?
41756,145,7,9,That I'm not wearing enough sunblock?
41757,145,7,9,House-painting weather.
41758,145,7,9,"Ted, you're back."
41759,145,7,9,I've changed my mind. I'm in. Let's go.
41760,145,7,9,"Yeah, I changed my mind, too. You can't come."
41761,145,7,9,"Everybody else, we're moving out."
41762,145,7,9,That's harsh.
41763,145,7,9,You know what else is harsh? Ultraviolet light.
41764,145,7,9,I fell asleep in the tanning bed this week and I think I got a sunburn on my cheek.
41765,145,7,9,It's so sensitive.
41766,145,7,9,"It's like a big, red bull's-eye."
41767,145,7,9,Ouchie.
41768,145,7,9,Did you take my blush out of my purse?
41769,145,7,9,"So, boogie-boarding."
41770,145,7,9,Boogie-boarding.
41771,145,7,9,"Oh, come on, Ted, you can't just leave him here."
41772,145,7,9,"Uh, yeah, I can."
41773,145,7,9,You called me a giant whining bummer.
41774,145,7,9,You're not allowed in my car.
41775,145,7,9,You don't get to find out if the geisha finds love.
41776,145,7,9,This is about principle.
41777,145,7,9,"Hey, Ted. I'm ready to go."
41778,145,7,9,"And you must be ""Principle."""
41779,145,7,9,"Ah, on a separate note, guys, this is Maya."
41780,145,7,9,I just met her out in the hall.
41781,145,7,9,"We have a lot in common, such as our mutual love of country music, NASCAR and Jeff Foxworthy. Just go with it."
41782,145,7,9,"She needed a ride out of the city, and we have an extra seat in the car, so..."
41783,145,7,9,"Okay, let's hit it!"
41784,145,7,9,Wow.
41785,145,7,9,It's come to this.
41786,145,7,9,"You could help a friend, but instead, you're choosing the hot girl in the tight tank top."
41787,145,7,9,Your training is complete!
41788,145,7,9,I'm so proud of this kid!
41789,145,7,9,"But seriously, the storm's coming in, so dump the hoochie and wheels up."
41790,145,7,9,You promised me a seat.
41791,145,7,9,"Oh, for God's sake."
41792,145,7,9,You two both go. I'll stay here.
41793,145,7,9,"What? Lily, no! Shotgun!"
41794,145,7,9,You're staying. Then Lily can come! Wha...?
41795,145,7,9,"No, no, no, I'll stay here. Why?"
41796,145,7,9,I just want some time away from you!
41797,145,7,9,What?
41798,145,7,9,"Marshall, I'm sorry. I love you, but I haven't had a second alone in weeks!"
41799,145,7,9,It's summer vacation!
41800,145,7,9,"All I want to do is sit in the bathtub and read a book, but now..."
41801,145,7,9,"Baby, I forgot to bring a book."
41802,145,7,9,Do you mind reading yours out loud?
41803,145,7,9,"Hey, it's been no picnic for me either."
41804,145,7,9,You don't even do the voices.
41805,145,7,9,Blocked number.
41806,145,7,9,Hello?
41807,145,7,9,RJ? It's your father.
41808,145,7,9,Daddy?
41809,145,7,9,I love you.
41810,145,7,9,It means so much that you called.
41811,145,7,9,Ha! I knew that you wanted him to call. Busted!
41812,145,7,9,That was you?
41813,145,7,9,I really think you should slap him.
41814,145,7,9,You should slap him!
41815,145,7,9,Slap him. Slap him.
41816,145,7,9,"Two cheeks, no waiting."
41817,145,7,9,"Good, 'cause I really think I'm gonna slap him!"
41818,145,7,9,"So, boog -boarding?"
41819,145,7,9,Boogie-boarding.
41820,145,7,9,"Come on, Ted."
41821,145,7,9,"You're gonna give some random floozy a ride, but not take Barney?"
41822,145,7,9,Floozy?!
41823,145,7,9,"If she's going, I'm not going!"
41824,145,7,9,"Lily, you're staying. Let's go."
41825,145,7,9,"If Lily's staying, then I'm staying!"
41826,145,7,9,Then I'm going. Then I'm going.
41827,145,7,9,"You can't go, Marshall, 'cause I'm going."
41828,145,7,9,"If Barney's going, I'm not going! Then I can go."
41829,145,7,9,Then I'm staying. Then I'm staying.
41830,145,7,9,Then I'm going.
41831,145,7,9,Then I'm not going.
41832,145,7,9,"Okay, you know what? I'm going."
41833,145,7,9,This storm's been on Doppler radar for a week.
41834,145,7,9,I'm the only one who prepared for it.
41835,145,7,9,And you all made fun of me. So guess what?
41836,145,7,9,This Boy Scout is taking a hike. Good-bye!
41837,145,7,9,"Maya, real quick, did you think there was anything here, or..."
41838,145,7,9,"Oh, I have a boyfriend."
41839,145,7,9,Good-bye!
41840,145,7,9,"Um, Ted...?"
41841,145,7,9,The time for evacuation is over.
41842,145,7,9,"Everyone should now go inside and be prepared to stay inside until weather conditions improve, which won't likely be until Sunday afternoon."
41843,145,7,9,We're stuck here?
41844,145,7,9,"Okay, let's not panic."
41845,145,7,9,You know what? Let's panic.
41846,145,7,9,"Hey, if we don't make it through the night, I want you guys to know, and I really mean this..."
41847,145,7,9,I wish I had branched out and made more friends in my 20s.
41848,145,7,9,"Well, I'm going to go to the bathroom."
41849,145,7,9,"By myself, I guess."
41850,145,7,9,Watch out for bears.
41851,145,7,9,"Since this might be the end, I gotta confess something."
41852,145,7,9,Can I?
41853,145,7,9,Might as well.
41854,145,7,9,Barney and I have been doing the wild thing... this whole time.
41855,145,7,9,Except a brief period last year when he was shacking up with Marshall's mom.
41856,145,7,9,"But luckily, three-ways were on the menu, so..."
41857,145,7,9,"Marshall, you know she didn't say any of that, right?"
41858,145,7,9,"I know, but I just want to slap him so bad!"
41859,145,7,9,But that tie is so stupid! But the slap would feel so good!
41860,145,7,9,But he hates that tie so much!
41861,145,7,9,Perhaps I can help.
41862,145,7,9,"Marshall, ask yourself this question: why today?"
41863,145,7,9,"He hasn't said anything about that tie for weeks, and yet, suddenly today, he can't wear it another second?"
41864,145,7,9,"No, there's a reason."
41865,145,7,9,You've got something coming up.
41866,145,7,9,"Something where you're on display, vulnerable... exposed."
41867,145,7,9,It's not work-related.
41868,145,7,9,"No, this is relationship stuff."
41869,145,7,9,You're trying to impress someone.
41870,145,7,9,"In the lie you told, you said you were being chased by two goons."
41871,145,7,9,So it's two people.
41872,145,7,9,"A couple, perhaps."
41873,145,7,9,You're meeting Nora's parents tomorrow!
41874,145,7,9,Wrong!
41875,145,7,9,"Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!"
41876,145,7,9,"It's in two days, and I really want them to like me!"
41877,145,7,9,Oh-ho! Therapisted!
41878,145,7,9,Shrinked? Shrunk?
41879,145,7,9,We'll figure it out.
41880,145,7,9,"So, boogie-boarding."
41881,145,7,9,Boogie-boarding.
41882,145,7,9,"Hey, Lily, can I talk to you for just a second?"
41883,145,7,9,Come here.
41884,145,7,9,"Marshall, if I'm in here to brush your teeth, I swear to..."
41885,145,7,9,I'm sorry that I've been so needy lately.
41886,145,7,9,I know that you need some time alone.
41887,145,7,9,So... I'll be in the other room.
41888,145,7,9,You're not going anywhere.
41889,145,7,9,Mmm... Hey...
41890,145,7,9,"And the funny thing is, after that night, we'll never be alone again."
41891,145,7,9,You made that in my bathroom?
41892,145,7,9,Whoops.
41893,145,7,9,"Wow, a hurricane baby."
41894,145,7,9,"Oh, man, Hurricane Eriksen would be a sweet name."
41895,145,7,9,It would be a crazy sweet name!
41896,145,7,9,"Thanks, Ted."
41897,145,7,9,"Anyway, the next day, after the danger had passed..."
41898,145,7,9,It's closed.
41899,145,7,9,Now what?
41900,145,7,9,A Boy Scout is always prepared.
41901,145,7,9,Hey!
41902,145,7,9,Nice!
41903,145,7,9,To surviving the hurricane.
41904,145,7,9,Yay!
41905,145,7,9,I love you guys. Love you.
41906,145,7,9,"I did finally make it up here to the house later that week only to find that a falling oak tree had landed in the living room. If we'd been here, it would have crushed us like bugs. You see, kids, there's no way of knowing for sure where the safest place is... so the best you can hope for is to have some good company."
41907,145,7,9,"Guys, how far do you think I can boogie-board on this thing?"
41908,145,7,9,So far!
41909,145,7,9,"Marshall, your insurance doesn't kick in till tomorrow."
41910,145,7,9,"Yeah, well, you know what?"
41911,145,7,9,Life kicks in right now.
41912,145,7,9,♪ ♪
41913,145,7,9,"Don't worry, he wasn't hurt..."
41914,145,7,9,the first time. I have splints! The second time he went through the front window of Maclaren's.
41915,145,7,9,"Hence the ""No Boogie-boarding"" sign."
41916,145,7,9,"All right, guys, I gotta go."
41917,145,7,9,"Barney, good luck with Nora's parents."
41918,145,7,9,Bye. Bye.
41919,145,7,9,See you later.
41920,145,7,9,All right. See you. See ya.
41921,145,7,9,"Hey, Barney?"
41922,145,7,9,Hmm?
41923,145,7,9,"Listen, um, we made a baby in your bathroom."
41924,145,7,9,So we owe you one.
41925,145,7,9,So we say... you can take off the ducky tie.
41926,145,7,9,For three slaps.
41927,145,7,9,Three slaps?
41928,145,7,9,"And to be clear, this would add three slaps to Marshall's existing one, giving him four slaps in total."
41929,145,7,9,Deal.
41930,145,7,9,I'm free!
41931,145,7,9,"God, this feels so good!"
41932,145,7,9,This was a mistake!
41933,145,7,9,I wanna put the tie back on!
41934,145,7,9,I wanna put the tie back on!
41935,145,7,9,Why do I have to be Barney right now?
41936,145,7,9,Three slaps remaining!
41937,145,7,9,"Three slaps. Wow, I like the sound of that."
41938,145,7,9,"I think I'll save those bad boys, you know, for a rainy day."
41939,145,7,9,Okay. The worst is over.
41940,145,7,9,Ah!
41941,145,7,9,Two slaps remaining!
41942,145,7,9,It's all right.
41943,145,7,9,"Hey, it's all done... for now."
41944,145,7,9,I think I need to go home and reevaluate how I make life decisions.
41945,145,7,9,Come on. I have to go back to work.
41946,145,7,9,Let's split a cab. Okay. Yeah.
41947,145,7,9,Did you ever tell those guys about that other thing that almost happened?
41948,145,7,9,That other thing?
41949,145,7,9,"Oh, that. No. Did you?"
41950,145,7,9,No.
41951,145,7,9,"Hey, I'm really sorry about that phone call."
41952,145,7,9,"Oh, it's fine."
41953,145,7,9,"No, it is so not fine. I was a jerk."
41954,145,7,9,"And if you don't mind my saying, your dad is a complete idiot for not calling."
41955,145,7,9,He should never let a day go by without calling you because when I let a day go by without talking to you...
41956,145,7,9,"Um, that day's just no good."
41957,145,7,9,"Um, sorry."
41958,145,7,9,Um...
41959,145,7,9,It's my dad.
41960,145,7,9,"Wait, show me your hands."
41961,145,7,9,My hands.
41962,145,7,9,"Hey, Dad!"
41963,145,7,9,That's what I've been saying!
41964,145,7,9,Golf weather!
41965,145,7,9,Can you believe we almost...?
41966,145,7,9,I know.
41967,145,7,9,Good thing we didn't.
41968,145,7,9,"Yeah. I mean, not long after that you got together with Nora."
41969,145,7,9,And you met Kevin.
41970,145,7,9,Yeah. Disaster averted.
41971,145,7,9,Exactly.
41972,145,7,9,It would've ruined everything if we'd been all... ah-la-la-la...
41973,145,7,9,"I know, right? So dumb..."
41974,146,7,10,"Narrator: Kids, Einstein was right."
41975,146,7,10,Time moves at different speeds.
41976,146,7,10,"To Barney, the previous night raced by in a blur."
41977,146,7,10,"But then, all of a sudden, time stopped."
41978,146,7,10,This might be the worst thing I've ever done.
41979,146,7,10,"Hey, now, you weren't at the top of your game, but it was still pretty..."
41980,146,7,10,"Oh, my God!"
41981,146,7,10,I just cheated on Kevin.
41982,146,7,10,He is the nicest guy ever.
41983,146,7,10,I'm a terrible person.
41984,146,7,10,It's okay.
41985,146,7,10,We both cheated.
41986,146,7,10,"What's that saying about two wrongs making a right? ""Two wrongs don't make a right""?"
41987,146,7,10,"No, that's not it."
41988,146,7,10,"Oh, my God."
41989,146,7,10,I just cheated on Nora.
41990,146,7,10,How could I do this to her? What are we gonna do?
41991,146,7,10,I don't know.
41992,146,7,10,Well...
41993,146,7,10,"Can I ask you, did this mean anything?"
41994,146,7,10,Of course it did.
41995,146,7,10,Of course it didn't.
41996,146,7,10,Which one are you looking for? I could see it going either way.
41997,146,7,10,It meant nothing. It meant nothing!
41998,146,7,10,How could you say it meant nothing?!
41999,146,7,10,Of course it meant something!
42000,146,7,10,"No, it didn't! It can't."
42001,146,7,10,(groans)
42002,146,7,10,"Okay? You're with Nora, and I'm with Kevin and..."
42003,146,7,10,I have to go.
42004,146,7,10,"Wait, what are we gonna tell them?"
42005,146,7,10,Nothing.
42006,146,7,10,God! We made a horrible mistake.
42007,146,7,10,But it-it is over now.
42008,146,7,10,There's no reason to hurt more people by talking about it.
42009,146,7,10,You're asking me to lie?
42010,146,7,10,That's... fine.
42011,146,7,10,Damn it.
42012,146,7,10,Nora and I have that work cruise tomorrow night. but what if-- and hear me out--
42013,146,7,10,we don't go?
42014,146,7,10,No.
42015,146,7,10,"I just want this whole night to fade into history, so we have to act like it never happened."
42016,146,7,10,We should go.
42017,146,7,10,"I mean, it's a three-hour boat ride--"
42018,146,7,10,what could happen?
42019,146,7,10,I'm sure that's what Gilligan say.
42020,146,7,10,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x10 ♪
42021,146,7,10,Tick Tick Tick
42022,146,7,10,"Original Air Date on November 14, 2011"
42023,146,7,10,Groovapalooza!
42024,146,7,10,All the smug hippie bands from the '90s in one big concert
42025,146,7,10,(sniffs)
42026,146,7,10,"Ah, even the tickets smell like cloves and mediocrity."
42027,146,7,10,"Ah, to really take us back, I scored us bag of, yes, mari..."
42028,146,7,10,"Kids, we used to do something before concerts to enjoy them more."
42029,146,7,10,And that thing was to... eat a sandwich.
42030,146,7,10,...nated steak subs.
42031,146,7,10,"Oh, yeah!"
42032,146,7,10,"Well, as future parents, we'll pass on the sandwiches."
42033,146,7,10,"How could you even suggest such a thing, Ted?!"
42034,146,7,10,(whispers): I better get my 60 bucks back.
42035,146,7,10,No sandwich?
42036,146,7,10,"Marshall, it's a palooza."
42037,146,7,10,We've eaten sandwiches at every palooza.
42038,146,7,10,"Lollapalooza, Funkapalooza..."
42039,146,7,10,Gender-diversity-awareness-
42040,146,7,10,"palooza, junior year."
42041,146,7,10,"Yeah, there were some real bitches there."
42042,146,7,10,"Ted: Okay, quick,"
42043,146,7,10,"before Lily gets here, let's fire this up."
42044,146,7,10,No way. I promised Lily that I would be responsible.
42045,146,7,10,You're not getting your 60 bucks back.
42046,146,7,10,Give me that.
42047,146,7,10,(coughing)
42048,146,7,10,(piano playing soft music)
42049,146,7,10,"Hey, how you holding up?"
42050,146,7,10,"Well, I'm about to be trapped on boat all night with the guy I cheated on, the guy I cheated with and the girl that the guy I cheated with cheated on."
42051,146,7,10,"So, not super."
42052,146,7,10,"Hi, Sandy."
42053,146,7,10,You're welcome.
42054,146,7,10,"I did not say ""Thank you."""
42055,146,7,10,"Oh, you're too kind."
42056,146,7,10,Too kind.
42057,146,7,10,"Excuse me, I should really try to have s*x with that new intern."
42058,146,7,10,"Narrator: Robin's boss, Sandy Rivers hosted this cruise every year, mostly to hit on the new employees."
42059,146,7,10,And he'd found a clever way to never spend a cent.
42060,146,7,10,"Up next, another four deaths in Arizona's record-breaking heat wave."
42061,146,7,10,You want real record-breaking heat?
42062,146,7,10,Try Kristoff's Jalapeño Coconut Vodka martini.
42063,146,7,10,Muy caliente!
42064,146,7,10,"Okay, Nora and Kevin are gonna be here any minute."
42065,146,7,10,"I thought I could handle this, but I can't."
42066,146,7,10,"Okay, um, here's the plan."
42067,146,7,10,"We'll grab one of the lifeboats, get back to shore, destroy the tape of us doing it..."
42068,146,7,10,There's a tape of us doing it?
42069,146,7,10,...and we'll start a new life together.
42070,146,7,10,"Somewhere simple and homey, like Vermont or Dubai."
42071,146,7,10,"Wait, is that what you want?"
42072,146,7,10,For us to be together?
42073,146,7,10,"Kevin: Hey, Robin."
42074,146,7,10,"Oh, God, I really can't do this."
42075,146,7,10,Don't worry. Just follow my lead and keep cool.
42076,146,7,10,"Hey, guys!"
42077,146,7,10,(whispers): They know!
42078,146,7,10,"Oh, no."
42079,146,7,10,I think that sandwich was laced with other stuff.
42080,146,7,10,"Like, hard meats."
42081,146,7,10,What do you mean?
42082,146,7,10,"Well, usually after a sandwich, I feel paranoid. But I'm not."
42083,146,7,10,Why am I not feeling paranoid?!
42084,146,7,10,"What do you mean? Calm down, dude!"
42085,146,7,10,We'll be fine.
42086,146,7,10,Lily's gonna know.
42087,146,7,10,Listen to me.
42088,146,7,10,Whatever we were just talking about... we'll be fine.
42089,146,7,10,"You're right, she won't find out."
42090,146,7,10,"Hey, guy"
42091,146,7,10,(whispers): She knows!
42092,146,7,10,Good evening.
42093,146,7,10,A special welcome our four new interns: Erika... and so on.
42094,146,7,10,"One safety matter: life preservers are on the side rails, in case anyone falls overboard."
42095,146,7,10,That's it. Have a good night.
42096,146,7,10,Don't drink too much.
42097,146,7,10,Or do.
42098,146,7,10,"Beautiful night, huh, gang?"
42099,146,7,10,"Yeah, Robin and I were just cheating--"
42100,146,7,10,chatting about how warm it is.
42101,146,7,10,I'm breaking a trust-- sweat in here.
42102,146,7,10,(chucks)
42103,146,7,10,And I thought we'd be cuckold.
42104,146,7,10,"I know why you're so nervous, Barney."
42105,146,7,10,You do?
42106,146,7,10,"You're meeting Nora's parents tomorrow night, right?"
42107,146,7,10,(laughs)
42108,146,7,10,That's it! That's it!
42109,146,7,10,Let's dance!
42110,146,7,10,Bah! Whoo!
42111,146,7,10,(whispers): Lily has no idea I'm high.
42112,146,7,10,You're high?
42113,146,7,10,I'm sorry.
42114,146,7,10,(whispers): Lily has no idea I'm high.
42115,146,7,10,"Okay, well, if your pregnant wife has to sit here sober all night, she's gonna need some of them nachos."
42116,146,7,10,You got it.
42117,146,7,10,"Hey, dude, fork over some of them nach..."
42118,146,7,10,"No, not his."
42119,146,7,10,My own.
42120,146,7,10,Ah. Smart.
42121,146,7,10,"Come on, Ted."
42122,146,7,10,What?
42123,146,7,10,And thus began the most harrowing journey of our lives.
42124,146,7,10,"To this day, Robin and Barney swear this is the only dance to that night."
42125,146,7,10,♪ You fooled around on your baby ♪♪ Now the least you could do is to tell her the truth ♪
42126,146,7,10,"♪ Yes, you in the suit ♪♪ Or that secret will eat up your soul ♪"
42127,146,7,10,"♪ Girl, the guilt's gonna drive you crazy ♪♪ Crazy ♪"
42128,146,7,10,"♪ You can't live with this lie, Kevin's such a nice guy ♪♪ Gotta tell him tonight ♪"
42129,146,7,10,♪ Tell them right here on this boat ♪♪ You're like scum round the edge of a toilet bowl ♪
42130,146,7,10,♪ Flush ♪♪ What the hell is in the place where you should have a soul? ♪
42131,146,7,10,♪ Slut ♪♪ You did these two wrong ♪
42132,146,7,10,"♪ Don't wait too long ♪♪ In fact, you know what? ♪"
42133,146,7,10,"♪ Tell them right during this song ♪♪ Tell ', tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em ♪"
42134,146,7,10,I'll wait.
42135,146,7,10,"♪ Tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em ♪"
42136,146,7,10,"Oh, come on, seriously, you're not gonna tell them?"
42137,146,7,10,We have to tell them. Right now.
42138,146,7,10,"♪ Sure, act like it was your idea. ♪"
42139,146,7,10,"Seriously, you guys suck."
42140,146,7,10,Narrator: Marshall and I were still in line to get Lily's nachos.
42141,146,7,10,"Dude, we've been waiting forever."
42142,146,7,10,"Even worse, this is the line for the ladies room."
42143,146,7,10,"I can't believe that our last Groovapalooza was, what, 12 years ago?"
42144,146,7,10,"I mean, time is going by so fast."
42145,146,7,10,"I know, it's crazy."
42146,146,7,10,"In, like, an eye blink, this hand will be, like, an old man's hand."
42147,146,7,10,"I recognize the clichéd nature of what I'm about to say, but... whoa!"
42148,146,7,10,Yeah.
42149,146,7,10,312?
42150,146,7,10,That's our gate.
42151,146,7,10,"Dude, we just walked around the entire arena."
42152,146,7,10,"We've been walking for, like, an hour and we still haven't found the nachos."
42153,146,7,10,I bet Lily is so upset.
42154,146,7,10,"Yo, you want my nachos, bro?"
42155,146,7,10,Thank you.
42156,146,7,10,My husband's been gone an hour looking for these.
42157,146,7,10,"If he can't even do that, how can I trust him as a father?"
42158,146,7,10,"You can't, bro. You can't."
42159,146,7,10,I like your long goatee.
42160,146,7,10,Marshall can't even grow a beard.
42161,146,7,10,"Oh, that's sad. 'Cause one's ability to grow facial hair directly correlates with one's ability to be a good father."
42162,146,7,10,I know it does. I know it does.
42163,146,7,10,(groans)
42164,146,7,10,Oh.
42165,146,7,10,"Excuse me, sir."
42166,146,7,10,Do you know where the nachos are?
42167,146,7,10,(ominous music plays)
42168,146,7,10,(screaming)
42169,146,7,10,Ted: Marshall!
42170,146,7,10,Over here. I found the nacho line.
42171,146,7,10,Oh.
42172,146,7,10,"So, how'd it go with Kevin?"
42173,146,7,10,"Well, I was just about to tell him... ok, Kevin..."
42174,146,7,10,"Erika, I've been meaning to speak with you all night."
42175,146,7,10,Really? What about About me bending your hard little body over the railing of this boat and copulating furiously while I admire the New York City skyline.
42176,146,7,10,"Or, if you're feeling dirty, we can always face Jersey."
42177,146,7,10,Thoughts?
42178,146,7,10,(screams)
42179,146,7,10,Jalapeño!
42180,146,7,10,And just a hint of coconut.
42181,146,7,10,(screams)
42182,146,7,10,"Kevin hit his head, he might have a concussion."
42183,146,7,10,So obviously I couldn't tell him.
42184,146,7,10,What about you?
42185,146,7,10,Something even worse happened to her.
42186,146,7,10,I got a tiny spot of wine on my sleeve.
42187,146,7,10,I couldn't pile on.
42188,146,7,10,I'm not a monster.
42189,146,7,10,Where are they?
42190,146,7,10,"Come on, forget the nachos."
42191,146,7,10,Everyone here is having fun.
42192,146,7,10,"Look, even these guys."
42193,146,7,10,Check it out.
42194,146,7,10,"Wow, music really does bring people together."
42195,146,7,10,Ted? Ted!
42196,146,7,10,Creepy guitar guy is following us.
42197,146,7,10,(ominous music plays)
42198,146,7,10,(both screaming)
42199,146,7,10,(panting)
42200,146,7,10,We did a whole nother lap.
42201,146,7,10,"Oh, man, we missed like, half the concert now."
42202,146,7,10,"Come on, let's just go back to our seats."
42203,146,7,10,"Ted, Ted, Ted."
42204,146,7,10,The nacho line was right here all along.
42205,146,7,10,(both laughing)
42206,146,7,10,So stupid.
42207,146,7,10,"As soon as we dock, I'm taking Kevin to the E.R."
42208,146,7,10,"God, wish last night never happened."
42209,146,7,10,(sighs)
42210,146,7,10,I don't.
42211,146,7,10,What do you mean?
42212,146,7,10,"What if this whole thing, it isn't the story of how we both made a horrible mistake and ruined our relationships, what if it's actually the story of how we got back together?"
42213,146,7,10,"Okay, I'm gonna ask you one last time."
42214,146,7,10,Is this what you want?
42215,146,7,10,It's what we both want!
42216,146,7,10,Why else are we rushing to tell them what we did?
42217,146,7,10,On a boat! That is a terrible idea!
42218,146,7,10,"Barney, we tried this and we failed."
42219,146,7,10,Why try again?
42220,146,7,10,Because I haven't stopped thinking about you and you haven't stopped thinking about me.
42221,146,7,10,It's such a mess.
42222,146,7,10,Why...
42223,146,7,10,Why do you even like me?
42224,146,7,10,I guess... 'cause you're almost as messed up as I.
42225,146,7,10,"Well, there's the small issue that we're currently dating other people."
42226,146,7,10,How about this?
42227,146,7,10,"After we dock, let's each do what we have to do, and then meet up at MacLaren's at midnight and... talk about us."
42228,146,7,10,Don't forget your mystery gift bags!
42229,146,7,10,They're condoms.
42230,146,7,10,We just went all the way around again!
42231,146,7,10,Where the hell are these nachos?!
42232,146,7,10,Who cares about nachos?
42233,146,7,10,"Oh, I love nachos, man!"
42234,146,7,10,"You gotta relax, man."
42235,146,7,10,"You keep worrying about stuff like nachos, you're gonna give yourself a heart attack."
42236,146,7,10,I'm going back in.
42237,146,7,10,Fine!
42238,146,7,10,Ha! Joke's on you!
42239,146,7,10,The nacho line was right here all along!
42240,146,7,10,
42241,146,7,10,Narrator: Robin and Barney were finally off the boat. so they both assumed it was going to be a lot easier to admit what they had done.
42242,146,7,10,Kevin... Me first.
42243,146,7,10,"Look, I don't want to make too much out of saying ""I love you"" for the first time."
42244,146,7,10,Any way I can jump in with my thing?
42245,146,7,10,Robin... I love you.
42246,146,7,10,"Okay, Nora, lo..."
42247,146,7,10,(gasps)
42248,146,7,10,Nora: Mom! Dad!
42249,146,7,10,"Hi, Nora, we got in early!"
42250,146,7,10,Both: Should've done it on the boat.
42251,146,7,10,Ah!
42252,146,7,10,"Hey, where's your friend?"
42253,146,7,10,"We missed almost the entire show because he put his stupid quest for nachos ahead of our friendship, so I bolted."
42254,146,7,10,"Well, I'm just a creepy old guitar player, but isn't any time spent with a friend a blessing?"
42255,146,7,10,"And if nachos is all you seek... take mine, brother."
42256,146,7,10,Wow!
42257,146,7,10,Thank you.
42258,146,7,10,"It's a sign, bro."
42259,146,7,10,It is.
42260,146,7,10,It's a sign I should go find Marshall!
42261,146,7,10,(laughs)
42262,146,7,10,Marshall! Marshall!
42263,146,7,10,"So, Barney, Nora's told us so much about you, but we want to know everything."
42264,146,7,10,"Uh, let's see. Suit, laser tag."
42265,146,7,10,"I say ""wait for it"" a lot. That's about it."
42266,146,7,10,You two must be exhausted.
42267,146,7,10,I'll make coffee.
42268,146,7,10,I'm so glad to see how happy you both are.
42269,146,7,10,"When you meet the right person, you know it."
42270,146,7,10,You can't stop thinking about them.
42271,146,7,10,They're your best friend... and your soul mate.
42272,146,7,10,You can't wait to spend the rest of your life with them.
42273,146,7,10,No one and nothing else can compare.
42274,146,7,10,"Now, where the hell is that coffee, eh?"
42275,146,7,10,(chuckles)
42276,146,7,10,"Look, Nora, there's something I have to tell you."
42277,146,7,10,(ominous music plays)
42278,146,7,10,(groans)
42279,146,7,10,Heart attack.
42280,146,7,10,"Oh, God, Ted was right. I have to relax!"
42281,146,7,10,Ted!
42282,146,7,10,Marshall!
42283,146,7,10,Ted?
42284,146,7,10,Ted! Marshall!
42285,146,7,10,"Oh, Ted! Oh, Ted!"
42286,146,7,10,I'm so sorry! You were right.
42287,146,7,10,"No, Marshall, you... Yeah, I was right."
42288,146,7,10,"But look, nachos!"
42289,146,7,10,Come on. Let's go back inside.
42290,146,7,10,(audience cheering)
42291,146,7,10,That's it.
42292,146,7,10,It's over.
42293,146,7,10,We missed the whole show.
42294,146,7,10,"So... yup, I love you."
42295,146,7,10,"Look, Kevin... there's something I have to tell you."
42296,146,7,10,I cheated on you.
42297,146,7,10,I don't even know how to react.
42298,146,7,10,I am so sorry.
42299,146,7,10,"I know I don't get any second chances, but you will always be..."
42300,146,7,10,Was this a one-time thing?
42301,146,7,10,Can you tell me it didn't mean anything?
42302,146,7,10,No.
42303,146,7,10,"I'm sorry, Ted."
42304,146,7,10,"I still want to have fun, it's just i have"
42305,146,7,10,to be a good husband and father too.
42306,146,7,10,"There's just not enough time, you know?"
42307,146,7,10,I know.
42308,146,7,10,It's all going by so damn fast.
42309,146,7,10,Lily!
42310,146,7,10,"Hey! Oh, Lily, I'm so sorry that we ruined our night. Yeah."
42311,146,7,10,What are you guys talking about?
42312,146,7,10,You've been gone less than two minutes.
42313,146,7,10,"Narrator: Kids, she was right."
42314,146,7,10,Ted: My hand.
42315,146,7,10,Whoa!
42316,146,7,10,Ah! concert!
42317,146,7,10,Nachos! Ah!
42318,146,7,10,(laughs)
42319,146,7,10,Music!
42320,146,7,10,(both scream)
42321,146,7,10,Time!
42322,146,7,10,Nachos!
42323,146,7,10,Thank you!
42324,146,7,10,"It's a sign, bro."
42325,146,7,10,"Oh, oh..."
42326,146,7,10,Heart attack! Marshall!
42327,146,7,10,Marshall!
42328,146,7,10,Both: Time...
42329,146,7,10,Both: Lily!
42330,146,7,10,"Marshall, do you get what this means?"
42331,146,7,10,Life isn't moving too fast.
42332,146,7,10,We-we still have time for everything And we're not gonna miss the concert!
42333,146,7,10,I'm freaking out right now.
42334,146,7,10,We gotta get out of here.
42335,146,7,10,Yeah.
42336,146,7,10,Do you guys know where the ladies' room is?
42337,146,7,10,No idea.
42338,146,7,10,Haven't seen it.
42339,146,7,10,Hey! How's it going?
42340,146,7,10,"Oh, not great. Nora and I broke up."
42341,146,7,10,"Oh, my God, what happened?"
42342,146,7,10,"I don't really feel like getting into it, but..."
42343,146,7,10,I think the worst part is over.
42344,146,7,10,Hey.
42345,146,7,10,Hey.
42346,146,7,10,"Hey, Kev."
42347,146,7,10,"What's up, Kev?"
42348,146,7,10,"Kevin: How's it going, buddy?"
42349,146,7,10,"Robin: Hey, guys."
42350,146,7,10,There's something I have to tell you.
42351,146,7,10,Then don't.
42352,146,7,10,What?
42353,146,7,10,"If there's one thing I've learned as a therapist, it's that just because something needs to be told doesn't always mean it needs to be heard."
42354,146,7,10,"Kevin, I did something bad."
42355,146,7,10,We've all done bad things.
42356,146,7,10,Doesn't mean we're bad people.
42357,146,7,10,"Look, I don't care about every detail from your past, and I hope you don't care about mine either."
42358,146,7,10,"What I do care about is you, and that from tonight forward, you're in this as much as I am."
42359,146,7,10,What do you think?
42360,146,7,10,I'm such a mess.
42361,146,7,10,Why do you even like me?
42362,146,7,10,"Come her I am constantly amazed by the things you say, entranced by the things you do, and unlike a certain Jalapeño Coconut Vodka martini, you're easy on the eye And if we're together long enough, I hope that one day you see yourself the way I see you."
42363,146,7,10,That's a pretty good answer.
42364,146,7,10,Narrator: Sometimes hours can feel like minutes and sometimes a single second can last a lifetime.
42365,146,7,10,"For Barney, the second that would never end was this one."
42366,146,7,10,(ticking)
42367,146,7,10,(ticking stops)
42368,146,7,10,"Well, um, I should go."
42369,146,7,10,Tough night.
42370,146,7,10,I'm so sorry.
42371,146,7,10,Don't be. It's nothing.
42372,146,7,10,It feels good to be sober again.
42373,146,7,10,"Man, how long have we been sitting here, right?"
42374,146,7,10,12 seconds and you're in the wrong booth.
42375,147,7,11,"Narrator: In the fall of 2011, Lily and Marshall received a surprising gift from Lily's grandparents: their house in Long Island."
42376,147,7,11,Lily and Marshall decided to sell it for one simple reason.
42377,147,7,11,It's Long Island.
42378,147,7,11,I don't want to spend my Saturday in Long Island.
42379,147,7,11,"I know, babe, but the realtor staged the place with fake furniture and she wants us to check it out before the open house."
42380,147,7,11,All right.
42381,147,7,11,Can we at least do it on the fake bed?
42382,147,7,11,I'm embarrassed that you have to ask.
42383,147,7,11,"So, they headed out to Long Island, and when they walked in the door..."
42384,147,7,11,We'll take it!
42385,147,7,11,We-We can't take it.
42386,147,7,11,We're the ones selling it.
42387,147,7,11,"We are selling it, right?"
42388,147,7,11,"Baby, your grandparents gave you this house outright."
42389,147,7,11,"So, the way I see it, we have five options."
42390,147,7,11,One: sell it.
42391,147,7,11,Two: year-round haunted house.
42392,147,7,11,"Three: giant fence around the perimeter, chimp sanctuary."
42393,147,7,11,There's already a tire swing in the backyard.
42394,147,7,11,Four: we destroy it with sledgehammers.
42395,147,7,11,I like four.
42396,147,7,11,"Or five: we move in, raise our children and make this our family home."
42397,147,7,11,Till they graduate.
42398,147,7,11,Then we destroy it with sledgehammers.
42399,147,7,11,(voice breaks): As a family.
42400,147,7,11,"No, this is crazy!"
42401,147,7,11,We are New York people.
42402,147,7,11,"We have a big, beautiful apartment that we love."
42403,147,7,11,You're right.
42404,147,7,11,But something happened
42405,147,7,11,to Lily and Marshall that day.
42406,147,7,11,Something that happens to all New Yorkers who return home from anywhere other than New York.
42407,147,7,11,"Their big, lovely apartment..."
42408,147,7,11,Huh. That's weird.
42409,147,7,11,"Okay, after Thanksgiving, I'm cutting out carbs."
42410,147,7,11,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x11 ♪
42411,147,7,11,The Rebound Girl
42412,147,7,11,"Original Air Date on November 21, 2011"
42413,147,7,11,"Narrator: Now, kids, it had been a rough couple weeks for Barney."
42414,147,7,11,"First, he cheated on his girlfriend with Robin, then he broke up with his girlfriend for Robin, then Robin chose Kevin over him."
42415,147,7,11,So he was kind of in a bad place.
42416,147,7,11,Ted: Hey.
42417,147,7,11,You all right?
42418,147,7,11,Why wouldn't I be all right?
42419,147,7,11,Barney's single again!
42420,147,7,11,It's what America's been clamoring for.
42421,147,7,11,You just went through a break-up.
42422,147,7,11,That's usually when people do something crazy.
42423,147,7,11,"If you were a girl, you'd have cut bangs and be dating you by now."
42424,147,7,11,Just promise me you won't do something crazy.
42425,147,7,11,I promise I won't do something crazy.
42426,147,7,11,"Don't worry, he's gonna do something crazy."
42427,147,7,11,"In fact, I think I'm done with girls."
42428,147,7,11,I'm not sure I even like them anymore.
42429,147,7,11,"Based on all the stuff you've done to them over the years, I'm not sure you ever liked them."
42430,147,7,11,I'm serious.
42431,147,7,11,"Come on, you love girls."
42432,147,7,11,"If anyone should be done with girls, it's me."
42433,147,7,11,Look at the year I've had.
42434,147,7,11,"Zoey, Victoria, the Slutty Pumpkin."
42435,147,7,11,Now I'm worried you're gonna do something crazy.
42436,147,7,11,I'm not gonna do something crazy.
42437,147,7,11,"And yes, I'm gonna do something crazy, too."
42438,147,7,11,"But girls, man."
42439,147,7,11,Girls.
42440,147,7,11,You know what would kick ass?
42441,147,7,11,Being gay?
42442,147,7,11,Being gay would kick ass!
42443,147,7,11,Word. Guys understand each other.
42444,147,7,11,"Imagine a relationship where, instead of talking about feelings all the time, you just play some Madden,"
42445,147,7,11,"eat a pizza, give each other a happy, roll over and have some cuddle-free shut-eye."
42446,147,7,11,"Bro, for what it's worth, if we were both gay, you'd be my first call."
42447,147,7,11,Would you mind calling Marshall and telling him that? 'Cause he thinks...
42448,147,7,11,"No, this is only in a scenario where just you and I are gay, not Marshall."
42449,147,7,11,"But if all three of us were gay, you'd pick me over Marshall, right?"
42450,147,7,11,If all three of us were gay?
42451,147,7,11,"Girlfriend, we would all three of us have some fun."
42452,147,7,11,Damn right we would.
42453,147,7,11,We're not gay.
42454,147,7,11,Nope. Stuck with girls.
42455,147,7,11,(grunts)
42456,147,7,11,"I wish men could have children on their own, like sea horses."
42457,147,7,11,Are you saying what I think you're saying?
42458,147,7,11,They have a little pouch.
42459,147,7,11,They should be called sea kangaroos.
42460,147,7,11,"No, y-you want kids?"
42461,147,7,11,Maybe I've kind of lately been thinking about the whole wife and kids thing.
42462,147,7,11,Just minus the wife.
42463,147,7,11,You could always go it alone.
42464,147,7,11,Like Mr. Drummond on Diff'rent Strokes.
42465,147,7,11,"Yeah, but that was the '80s, when you could just swing by any inner-city playground in your limo and scoop up some kids."
42466,147,7,11,Mmm.
42467,147,7,11,Simpler times.
42468,147,7,11,Hmm.
42469,147,7,11,"I guess it's better to have someone in it with you anyway, you know? Lifetime partnership."
42470,147,7,11,The only partnership in my life that has stood the test of time is this one.
42471,147,7,11,The sacred bond of man and bro.
42472,147,7,11,Maybe we should start a family together.
42473,147,7,11,(both laugh)
42474,147,7,11,Are you kidding?
42475,147,7,11,This place is huge.
42476,147,7,11,"I mean, look, I can dance all crazy in here."
42477,147,7,11,Oh! Sh...
42478,147,7,11,"Listen, um, Robin, are you okay with us all doing Thanksgiving out in East Meadow?"
42479,147,7,11,"Uh, yeah, I guess that'd be nice."
42480,147,7,11,"Oh, great!"
42481,147,7,11,"And then after Thanksgiving, Lily and I were thinking that we would just stay at the house until, you know... we die."
42482,147,7,11,What?
42483,147,7,11,No!
42484,147,7,11,You can't move to Long Island!
42485,147,7,11,But this house is so nice.
42486,147,7,11,"It's big, and it's clean, and if there's cockroaches, they respect us enough to sneak around."
42487,147,7,11,Listen to yourself.
42488,147,7,11,This is Pregnancy Brain all over again.
42489,147,7,11,"No, I'm done with Pregnancy Brain."
42490,147,7,11,I've moved on to weird pregnancy s*x dreams.
42491,147,7,11,Officer.
42492,147,7,11,You know. You know.
42493,147,7,11,"I'm-I'm just saying, you're not in the right mind to be making this decision right now."
42494,147,7,11,You know what? Robin's right.
42495,147,7,11,We are in no state of mind to make this kind of decision.
42496,147,7,11,Thank you. And now you're stepping off the crazy bus.
42497,147,7,11,We let the universe decide.
42498,147,7,11,And now you're back on board.
42499,147,7,11,"You hear that, Universe?"
42500,147,7,11,If you send us a sign in the next...
42501,147,7,11,"24 hours, then we're moving to Long Island!"
42502,147,7,11,Okay?
42503,147,7,11,Go.
42504,147,7,11,"Robin: Hey, guys, for the last time, this place is enormous--"
42505,147,7,11,Oh!
42506,147,7,11,"Geez, how many lamps do you have?"
42507,147,7,11,It's genius!
42508,147,7,11,"Instead of throwing away your life marrying some girl, you just go splitsies on a kid with your best bro!"
42509,147,7,11,I wouldn't have to choose between dating and having a family.
42510,147,7,11,"Hell, I could bring the kids on dates!"
42511,147,7,11,And a broken home?
42512,147,7,11,"Um, what's that?"
42513,147,7,11,"Our kids will never know, 'cause we're never gonna split up!"
42514,147,7,11,Why would we?
42515,147,7,11,"I mean, sure, when your wife walks in on you banging a hot flight attendant, you get a divorce."
42516,147,7,11,But when your bro-parent walks in on you banging a hot flight attendant...
42517,147,7,11,"You get five of these bad boys, right up high!"
42518,147,7,11,"(laughs) And you totally join in, right?!"
42519,147,7,11,"Oh, no, there's the line. That's the line."
42520,147,7,11,We found the line. It's good we know where it is.
42521,147,7,11,"Hey, guys."
42522,147,7,11,Hey!
42523,147,7,11,Hey.
42524,147,7,11,We have an announcement.
42525,147,7,11,"So what you're saying is, if you're meant to move to Long Island, some sign from the universe will magically appear at your doorstep?"
42526,147,7,11,"Now, kids, I don't think there was a knock on the door at that exact moment, but for the purposes of this story..."
42527,147,7,11,(knock on door)
42528,147,7,11,"Hi, I'm Clive."
42529,147,7,11,I live upstairs from you.
42530,147,7,11,Is this your sign?
42531,147,7,11,"I don't know, Clive."
42532,147,7,11,Is it?
42533,147,7,11,"Oh, did we leave that outside?"
42534,147,7,11,"Yeah, we're selling our house in Long Island."
42535,147,7,11,Oh. Too bad you're not selling this place.
42536,147,7,11,I'd love to turn mine into a duplex.
42537,147,7,11,"And I'd give you a really good price for it, because I am so rich."
42538,147,7,11,He did not say that.
42539,147,7,11,His shoes did.
42540,147,7,11,"Okay, the point is, we got the sign."
42541,147,7,11,We're moving to East Meadow.
42542,147,7,11,Let's get some champagne.
42543,147,7,11,"And just like that, Lily and Marshall were beginning a new chapter in their lives."
42544,147,7,11,Which meant only one thing for us...
42545,147,7,11,We're having a baby!
42546,147,7,11,Bro-parents activate!
42547,147,7,11,(makes explosion noise)
42548,147,7,11,"Hey, let's talk baby names!"
42549,147,7,11,Barney...
42550,147,7,11,"Oh, my God! That was my first choice, too."
42551,147,7,11,"No, listen. You and I are drunk."
42552,147,7,11,Which means there's a chance that adopting a baby--
42553,147,7,11,"no matter how cute he is in my head with his little cowboy outfit on and he's riding our dog like a horse and we also have a dog, purebred Golden, but it's okay, she's a rescue--"
42554,147,7,11,might not be a good idea.
42555,147,7,11,You're right.
42556,147,7,11,"So let's go home, take some aspirin, drink lots of water, and then see if it's still a good idea tomorrow."
42557,147,7,11,It's still a good idea!
42558,147,7,11,It's totally still a good idea!
42559,147,7,11,We're having a baby!
42560,147,7,11,(both sobbing)
42561,147,7,11,"Narrator: Kids, I cannot stress this enough: Barney and I were going through a tough time."
42562,147,7,11,"You're not leaving, and that's final."
42563,147,7,11,Look what I bought at
42564,147,7,11,4:00 a.m. in New York City.
42565,147,7,11,"A bootleg VHS of a very, very popular Korean movie, this genuine Lenny Vintone purse and the number of a man who can get me a kidney."
42566,147,7,11,Do that on Long Island.
42567,147,7,11,"Look, Robin, we appreciate that you want us to stay in the city, but this is what we want."
42568,147,7,11,"I mean, you understand, right?"
42569,147,7,11,(sighs)
42570,147,7,11,No.
42571,147,7,11,Here are a few fun facts about Long Island.
42572,147,7,11,(clears throat)
42573,147,7,11,Number one: it's Brooklyn's fart trail.
42574,147,7,11,So Barney and I--
42575,147,7,11,"and again, going through a tough time, can't stress that enough--"
42576,147,7,11,found an adoption agency Web site and filled out their online application.
42577,147,7,11,Name: Barney Stinson.
42578,147,7,11,Ted Mosby.
42579,147,7,11,Address...
42580,147,7,11,"Oh, put my address in Westchester."
42581,147,7,11,They'll want to see we'll be raising this child in a good environment.
42582,147,7,11,"You know, the suburbs."
42583,147,7,11,What? No.
42584,147,7,11,All my guys are here.
42585,147,7,11,Your guys?
42586,147,7,11,Yeah. You know how I got a guy for everything?
42587,147,7,11,"Well, they're all in New York."
42588,147,7,11,"My suit guy, my shoe guy, my ticket guy, my club guy."
42589,147,7,11,"And if I don't have a guy for something, then I have a guy guy to get me a guy."
42590,147,7,11,"And oddly enough, his name is Guy."
42591,147,7,11,"Okay, fine. How about this?"
42592,147,7,11,"We stay in the city during the week, then on the weekend, country house in the burbs!"
42593,147,7,11,This is why bro-parenting works!
42594,147,7,11,Totally!
42595,147,7,11,"And with your salary plus my salary, we can totally afford two places."
42596,147,7,11,Oh.
42597,147,7,11,What?
42598,147,7,11,"So... uh, you're gonna keep your job?"
42599,147,7,11,"Robin, this discussion is closed."
42600,147,7,11,"The universe told us to do it, so we're doing it."
42601,147,7,11,"Well, the universe gets it wrong sometimes."
42602,147,7,11,Remember when Marshall was trying to decide between becoming an environmental lawyer and working at a bank?
42603,147,7,11,That's a funny story.
42604,147,7,11,"Marshall was fed up with his job at GNB and was thinking about leaving it all behind, so he and Lily agreed he should wait for a sign from the universe to tell him what to do."
42605,147,7,11,Then one day...
42606,147,7,11,Of course.
42607,147,7,11,It's so clear.
42608,147,7,11,It's been right there all along.
42609,147,7,11,I have to call Lily.
42610,147,7,11,"Excuse me. Excuse me, sir."
42611,147,7,11,"I'm sorry, but, um, can I please borrow your..."
42612,147,7,11,Ernie Hudson?
42613,147,7,11,Yes.
42614,147,7,11,Can I borrow your phone?
42615,147,7,11,Who you gonna call?
42616,147,7,11,And did Marshall become a Ghostbuster?
42617,147,7,11,That firehouse is still for sale.
42618,147,7,11,Even Ernie Hudson begged you not to go through with that.
42619,147,7,11,Ernie Hudson is a coward!
42620,147,7,11,(gasps) Oh!
42621,147,7,11,(gasps)
42622,147,7,11,Of course I'm gonna keep my job.
42623,147,7,11,Why wouldn't I keep my job?
42624,147,7,11,"Well, I mean, this whole architecture thing... isn't it more of a hobby?"
42625,147,7,11,Excuse me?
42626,147,7,11,And now we're fighting. You know what?
42627,147,7,11,Forget I said anything.
42628,147,7,11,"No! No, no, no. We're having this discussion."
42629,147,7,11,Architecture is my life's work.
42630,147,7,11,"Why don't you quit your job? I don't even know what it is you do for a living. ""What it is I do for a living?"""
42631,147,7,11,"I work, Ted, 14 hours a day so that our baby can have food and clothes and a nice house, while you sit around doodling pictures of buildings."
42632,147,7,11,"That's ""what it is I do."""
42633,147,7,11,You know what? Screw this. I'm gonna go to the bar.
42634,147,7,11,"Yeah, right, right, 'cause the answer's always at the bottom of a bottle!"
42635,147,7,11,"Wait, wait, wait! Hold it!"
42636,147,7,11,Brainstorm. Brainstorm.
42637,147,7,11,Nobody quits their job.
42638,147,7,11,We get a nanny.
42639,147,7,11,Dibs on the nanny.
42640,147,7,11,No. No banging the nanny.
42641,147,7,11,"Ted, please don not dig in on this whole no-banging-the-nanny policy."
42642,147,7,11,"Okay, fine. We'll get two nannies."
42643,147,7,11,"One for banging, one for childcare."
42644,147,7,11,Slash banging. Dibs on both nannies!
42645,147,7,11,"Just think of it, Ted, you and me, living together, with our kid, my two hot nannies, our pet cobra..."
42646,147,7,11,What?
42647,147,7,11,"A kid needs a pet cobra, Ted. Don't be a pill about this."
42648,147,7,11,"And we'll have amazing weeklong parties, and there'll be swords and ninja stars lying around."
42649,147,7,11,
42650,147,7,11,Narrator: That's when I realized:
42651,147,7,11,adopting a baby with a friend?
42652,147,7,11,Crazy.
42653,147,7,11,Adopting a baby with Barney? Freaking nuts.
42654,147,7,11,"I can't adopt a baby with you, Barney."
42655,147,7,11,Why not?
42656,147,7,11,Because we don't even have one yet and you're already a terrible father.
42657,147,7,11,"Oh, I get it."
42658,147,7,11,You want one of the nannies.
42659,147,7,11,"Well, you can't have 'em! They're mine!"
42660,147,7,11,So you're just gonna have to get yourself a third nanny.
42661,147,7,11,Except dibs on the third nanny! Good day!
42662,147,7,11,Narrator: Which brings us to Thanksgiving.
42663,147,7,11,"Marshall, Lily and Robin were heading out to Long Island early to get ready."
42664,147,7,11,(grunting)
42665,147,7,11,"Okay, how is this even possible?! 'Cause how did we even get it in here?!"
42666,147,7,11,(grunts)
42667,147,7,11,"Okay, I change my mind. I want an epidural."
42668,147,7,11,You guys are crazy.
42669,147,7,11,This place is enormous.
42670,147,7,11,"I mean, look arou..."
42671,147,7,11,Have you never heard of overhead lighting?!
42672,147,7,11,(sighs)
42673,147,7,11,You're right.
42674,147,7,11,I get it.
42675,147,7,11,This place is great.
42676,147,7,11,"Um, excuse me. Where is the restroom?"
42677,147,7,11,"Oh. Right there. Oh, good, great."
42678,147,7,11,I'm just gonna go in there and... not come out until you promise never to move away!
42679,147,7,11,It's a good thing we have three bathrooms.
42680,147,7,11,"Hey, Barney."
42681,147,7,11,"Uh, listen, sorry about the other day when I said you'd be a terrible father."
42682,147,7,11,You had no reason to think otherwise.
42683,147,7,11,Totally understandable. I'm not mad.
42684,147,7,11,(knocking)
42685,147,7,11,Thanks.
42686,147,7,11,"And, uh, let's be honest, we were both acting a little crazy."
42687,147,7,11,I don't think either of us is truly ready for the responsibility of...
42688,147,7,11,Daddy's home.
42689,147,7,11,"Uh, Barney, uh, where did you get this baby?"
42690,147,7,11,Please.
42691,147,7,11,Did you adopt it?
42692,147,7,11,Please.
42693,147,7,11,Do you have a baby guy?
42694,147,7,11,Did Guy the guy guy get you a baby guy?
42695,147,7,11,"Ted, we should get going."
42696,147,7,11,"No, no, no. I'm not going anywhere with you."
42697,147,7,11,"For all I know, I could be aiding and abetting a kidnapping."
42698,147,7,11,Shh. Bro-daddy's not mad.
42699,147,7,11,"He's just being a wittle loud. He wuvs you! Yes, he does!"
42700,147,7,11,This is insane!
42701,147,7,11,You'll feel better outside.
42702,147,7,11,Come on.
42703,147,7,11,"No, I can't."
42704,147,7,11,Yeah. Na-na-na.
42705,147,7,11,Narrator: But then we went outside.
42706,147,7,11,"Oh, my goodness."
42707,147,7,11,What a beautiful baby.
42708,147,7,11,Thank you.
42709,147,7,11,"By the way, my friend and I, we're not a couple."
42710,147,7,11,We are two straight guys who are single and we have a baby. Just so you know.
42711,147,7,11,Look at this sweet girl.
42712,147,7,11,"Hi. I was just telling this first girl, my friend and I, both straight, both available, and we have a baby."
42713,147,7,11,"Oh, who is this little angel?"
42714,147,7,11,"Okay, real quick: me and him, not gay, single, have a baby."
42715,147,7,11,We should look into having a sign made.
42716,147,7,11,"Kids, again, we were going through a difficult time."
42717,147,7,11,But this part was kind of fun.
42718,147,7,11,Women: Aw...! So cute!
42719,147,7,11,This is awesome.
42720,147,7,11,Right?
42721,147,7,11,"Robin, come out and talk to us."
42722,147,7,11,I'm not coming out of this bathroom until everyone stops acting crazy!
42723,147,7,11,No one is being crazy.
42724,147,7,11,"Again, for the purposes of this story..."
42725,147,7,11,Ted and I have a baby. Crazy!
42726,147,7,11,What the hell is that?
42727,147,7,11,"Guys, this is Hurricane Stinson-Mosby."
42728,147,7,11,Mosby-Stinson.
42729,147,7,11,You named your baby Hurricane?
42730,147,7,11,That is... ultimately inconsiderate to the child who has to live with that name.
42731,147,7,11,"Okay, how the hell does Barney have a baby?"
42732,147,7,11,No idea. Super confused.
42733,147,7,11,I'm finding it best to just sort of go with it.
42734,147,7,11,"She's super cute, though, right?"
42735,147,7,11,Wait a minute.
42736,147,7,11,(sniffs)
42737,147,7,11,"Oh, guh! Hurricane dookied in her drawers."
42738,147,7,11,Ha-ha! Poopy pants!
42739,147,7,11,She needs a new diaper.
42740,147,7,11,Right. Where do you keep your diapers?
42741,147,7,11,We don't have any.
42742,147,7,11,You don't... Wow.
42743,147,7,11,Okay. (scoffs) I guess I'll go buy some.
42744,147,7,11,You're gonna be a mom and you don't have any diapers?
42745,147,7,11,"Lord, watch over that child."
42746,147,7,11,"Uh, okay."
42747,147,7,11,"Come here, you."
42748,147,7,11,"So, there was talk of a cheese plate?"
42749,147,7,11,(knocking)
42750,147,7,11,(gasps)
42751,147,7,11,Hey.
42752,147,7,11,Cheese?
42753,147,7,11,Thanks.
42754,147,7,11,If you don't mind me asking... what-what is this all about?
42755,147,7,11,"I mean, you are one of the most strong, independent, non-locking-themselves-in-"
42756,147,7,11,a-bathroom-on-Thanksgiving people I know.
42757,147,7,11,Why-why are you so upset about us moving?
42758,147,7,11,Maybe I just need you guys more than you think.
42759,147,7,11,Is this about more than us moving?
42760,147,7,11,This is good cheese.
42761,147,7,11,Robin?
42762,147,7,11,Yeah?
42763,147,7,11,Do you think I should've become a Ghostbuster?
42764,147,7,11,"I think you made the right call, buddy."
42765,147,7,11,"Okay, Ted, I'm not gonna ask you where Barney got this baby."
42766,147,7,11,But do you have any idea why?
42767,147,7,11,"Well, a few nights ago, we were talking... you know, ""We hate girls, we wish we were gay,"" just guy stuff."
42768,147,7,11,And we kind of sort of decided to... adopt a baby.
42769,147,7,11,"Yeah, that's crazy."
42770,147,7,11,I know.
42771,147,7,11,"Is it, though?"
42772,147,7,11,Yes.
42773,147,7,11,I know.
42774,147,7,11,"But is it, though?"
42775,147,7,11,Yes.
42776,147,7,11,"Well, so what if it's crazy?"
42777,147,7,11,"I've been ready to meet someone to start a family with for a long time now, and I keep not meeting her."
42778,147,7,11,"Barney is one of my best friends in the world, we rarely fight, and once we iron out the whole pet cobra thing, we will be amazing dads."
42779,147,7,11,Why shouldn't we try this?
42780,147,7,11,When's the last time you fed her?
42781,147,7,11,She had some root beer on the train.
42782,147,7,11,"Oh, Ted. And I'm sorry, but you cannot call a baby Hurricane."
42783,147,7,11,"Actually, her name is Sadie."
42784,147,7,11,"James, what are you doing here?"
42785,147,7,11,Did Barney not tell you that we were coming for Thanksgiving?
42786,147,7,11,"Uh, no."
42787,147,7,11,Then he probably also did not tell you that he was babysitting our new daughter.
42788,147,7,11,This is your daughter?
42789,147,7,11,"Oh, thank God."
42790,147,7,11,And congratulations.
42791,147,7,11,Thanks. Come here.
42792,147,7,11,Aw... Aw...
42793,147,7,11,"I guess this is good-bye, Hurri... Sadie."
42794,147,7,11,(whispers): Your name is Hurricane. Don't ever forget it.
42795,147,7,11,Go with him. Go on.
42796,147,7,11,Come here. That a girl.
42797,147,7,11,"Hey, Ted, I overheard your little speech."
42798,147,7,11,It's not crazy.
42799,147,7,11,"About ten years ago, my best friend and I nearly did the same thing."
42800,147,7,11,"She was single, I was single, we both wanted a family."
42801,147,7,11,It made sense.
42802,147,7,11,But now?
42803,147,7,11,"Every day, we thank our lucky stars that we didn't do it. 'Cause what she found with her husband and what I found with mine--"
42804,147,7,11,it was worth the wait.
42805,147,7,11,Hurricane's a cool name.
42806,147,7,11,"Isn't it, Tom?"
42807,147,7,11,"The pet store was closer, so I just got her some wee-wee pads."
42808,147,7,11,"Oh, I also got this."
42809,147,7,11,It's beef-flavored and it's good for her teeth.
42810,147,7,11,James! Tom! Hey!
42811,147,7,11,Lily... did you get the e-mail that I sent you about inviting James and Tom to Thanksgiving?
42812,147,7,11,"I sent it to your CompuServe. That's your main one, right?"
42813,147,7,11,"Happy Thanksgiving, bro."
42814,147,7,11,Thanks. Hi.
42815,147,7,11,Hey!
42816,147,7,11,Let's go sit down.
42817,147,7,11,Hi.
42818,147,7,11,"All right, you got me."
42819,147,7,11,James is my baby guy.
42820,147,7,11,But these past three hours--
42821,147,7,11,"magical, right?"
42822,147,7,11,We can do this! Say we can do this.
42823,147,7,11,We can't do this.
42824,147,7,11,"Sorry, dude."
42825,147,7,11,We got to wait for the real thing... no matter how tough it gets.
42826,147,7,11,It gets pretty tough.
42827,147,7,11,"I know it does, buddy."
42828,147,7,11,"I have some time before dinner, right?"
42829,147,7,11,I'm going to go... I'm gonna take a little walk.
42830,147,7,11,All right. All right.
42831,147,7,11,(knocking)
42832,147,7,11,God.
42833,147,7,11,(sighs)
42834,147,7,11,Hi.
42835,147,7,11,Hey.
42836,147,7,11,(grunts)
42837,147,7,11,Are we still friends?
42838,147,7,11,Hope so.
42839,147,7,11,Good. 'Cause get this.
42840,147,7,11,Ted almost adopted a baby.
42841,147,7,11,"Crazy, right?"
42842,147,7,11,(scoffs)
42843,147,7,11,Poor guy's going through some stuff.
42844,147,7,11,He actually tried to rope me into it.
42845,147,7,11,Can you imagine me being someone's dad?
42846,148,7,12,"Robin: Kids, have I ever told you the story of how I met your father?"
42847,148,7,12,"Well, I'll just skip ahead to the moment I told him I was pregnant."
42848,148,7,12,W... What happened?
42849,148,7,12,Did I pass out?
42850,148,7,12,Not exactly.
42851,148,7,12,I'm pregnant.
42852,148,7,12,Are you sure you're not just getting fat?
42853,148,7,12,"Oh, yeah."
42854,148,7,12,"So, um, you're pregnant."
42855,148,7,12,Yeah.
42856,148,7,12,Huh.
42857,148,7,12,Looks like nobody told your boobs.
42858,148,7,12,What happened?
42859,148,7,12,Did I pass out?
42860,148,7,12,"Oh, my..."
42861,148,7,12,Please stop hitting me!
42862,148,7,12,Hey.
42863,148,7,12,Are... Are you sure you're...
42864,148,7,12,"Well, no, not positive."
42865,148,7,12,I'm a week late.
42866,148,7,12,But I'm never late; it's a point of pride with me.
42867,148,7,12,I'm going to go see the doctor on Monday to find out for sure.
42868,148,7,12,"Until then, not a word of this to anyone."
42869,148,7,12,Not even Kevin?
42870,148,7,12,"I mean, it's probably his."
42871,148,7,12,I've spent years training my boys to swim the other way.
42872,148,7,12,Kevin and I haven't had s*x yet.
42873,148,7,12,"If I'm pregnant, you're the dad."
42874,148,7,12,That's wonderful!
42875,148,7,12,Huh?
42876,148,7,12,I'm gonna be a daddy!
42877,148,7,12,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x12 ♪
42878,148,7,12,Symphony of Illumination
42879,148,7,12,"Original Air Date on December 21, 2011"
42880,148,7,12,"Okay, one scotch for me, one iced tea on the rocks glass for Mommy."
42881,148,7,12,(whispers): Stop it.
42882,148,7,12,"Sorry, sorry."
42883,148,7,12,"Oop, I think I gave you the wrong one."
42884,148,7,12,"Here, let me just..."
42885,148,7,12,Give it to me. Drop... let go.
42886,148,7,12,Take it away from you.
42887,148,7,12,"Barney, why are you so happy about this?"
42888,148,7,12,Because this is perfect.
42889,148,7,12,I want to be a dad.
42890,148,7,12,This is not good news.
42891,148,7,12,I have a boyfriend.
42892,148,7,12,"Yeah, but if Kevin weren't around..."
42893,148,7,12,It doesn't matter!
42894,148,7,12,I don't want kids.
42895,148,7,12,"I've never wanted kids, and never, in a million years, will I ever want kids."
42896,148,7,12,"Robin: Sorry, kids."
42897,148,7,12,I can't have a baby.
42898,148,7,12,"Marshall: Hey, guys!"
42899,148,7,12,Guess what this is!
42900,148,7,12,One of your socks? Boom! You're huge.
42901,148,7,12,"No, it's our unborn son's Christmas stocking."
42902,148,7,12,Grandma Gunderson started knitting it the day Lily and I got married.
42903,148,7,12,She died before she could finish.
42904,148,7,12,I miss stockings.
42905,148,7,12,My stepdad Clint made us get rid of anything that reminds him of the commercialization of Christmas.
42906,148,7,12,I thought you said he dresses up as Santa.
42907,148,7,12,"Yeah, but, uh, to protest gender stereotypes, he plays Santa as a woman."
42908,148,7,12,"Though, he keeps the beard."
42909,148,7,12,The result is disturbing.
42910,148,7,12,"Well, we should go."
42911,148,7,12,We have to get to We B Babies so that we can register for our shower.
42912,148,7,12,No can do.
42913,148,7,12,"Um, I have a big project that I'm working on."
42914,148,7,12,This is Richard Holdman's house in East Meadow.
42915,148,7,12,"Last year, he had the most visited Christmas display in the tri-state area."
42916,148,7,12,But not this year. You know why?
42917,148,7,12,"Because Big Fudge has come to town, and he brought his two friends: Mannim... Steamroller."
42918,148,7,12,Game on.
42919,148,7,12,(gags)
42920,148,7,12,Are you okay?
42921,148,7,12,Yeah.
42922,148,7,12,"Uh, it's just, um..."
42923,148,7,12,I hate Mannheim Steamroller.
42924,148,7,12,Isn't there anyone else you can use?
42925,148,7,12,Come on! Who am I gonna use if not the Steamroller?!
42926,148,7,12,I don't know. AC/DC?
42927,148,7,12,AC/DC?
42928,148,7,12,"Robin, do you have any idea why they call them Mannheim Steamroller?"
42929,148,7,12,"Because they rock... so hard, so festively, that steam comes out of your brain."
42930,148,7,12,As it melts.
42931,148,7,12,So I have to go to We B Babies by myself?
42932,148,7,12,Robin and I will go with you.
42933,148,7,12,"Barney, what are we doing here?"
42934,148,7,12,I want to show you that having a kid is nothing to be afraid of.
42935,148,7,12,"(kids laughing, crash)"
42936,148,7,12,Kids. Stop.
42937,148,7,12,"Okay, first on the registry: nipple butter."
42938,148,7,12,Uh-oh.
42939,148,7,12,"As you breast-feed, your nipples stretch out, like, four inches and get all dry and cracked."
42940,148,7,12,The nipple butter stops the bleeding.
42941,148,7,12,My four-inch nipples are going to crack and bleed?!
42942,148,7,12,"Yes, but while the baby is gnawing on your bleeding nips, look what she'll be wearing."
42943,148,7,12,Insane Duane?
42944,148,7,12,Barney?
42945,148,7,12,"Robin: Insane Duane was your father's best friend, back in the days before he met me or your Uncle Ted."
42946,148,7,12,We're going back to her place.
42947,148,7,12,Boom!
42948,148,7,12,"All right, you win!"
42949,148,7,12,Here's 20 for picking up a girl with only one word.
42950,148,7,12,And here's another 20
42951,148,7,12,"for that word being ""boner."""
42952,148,7,12,Thank you.
42953,148,7,12,"I'll meet you back here in an hour when I'm done with, uh..."
42954,148,7,12,"Ah, who cares what her name is; she won't be around long enough for it to matter."
42955,148,7,12,(both laugh)
42956,148,7,12,Nice!
42957,148,7,12,Shh...
42958,148,7,12,I can't believe I haven't seen you around.
42959,148,7,12,"Well, after Sheila and I had that quickie, my life's been playdates, preschools and poops."
42960,148,7,12,I haven't set foot in a bar in years.
42961,148,7,12,You stopped drinking?
42962,148,7,12,"Oh, I still drink."
42963,148,7,12,Vaginal numbing spray.
42964,148,7,12,"Apparently, after child birth, your hoo-ha looks like Rocky Balboa's face."
42965,148,7,12,You can't have a baby!
42966,148,7,12,I can't have a baby!
42967,148,7,12,"The next day, we went to the doctor."
42968,148,7,12,"(Russian accent): Well, Mrs. Scherbatsky, I'm sure that you and your husband..."
42969,148,7,12,"Uh, he's not my husband."
42970,148,7,12,"Oh, I'm so sorry."
42971,148,7,12,Your boyfriend then.
42972,148,7,12,He's not my boyfriend.
42973,148,7,12,"Oh, bozhe."
42974,148,7,12,"All right, well, I will just cut to the chase."
42975,148,7,12,Wait! Wait.
42976,148,7,12,All right.
42977,148,7,12,Okay.
42978,148,7,12,"All right, we're ready. Good."
42979,148,7,12,"Um, you: not pregnant."
42980,148,7,12,Yeah!
42981,148,7,12,(dance music playing)
42982,148,7,12,"Oh, yeah!"
42983,148,7,12,Yeah!
42984,148,7,12,That's what I'm talking about!
42985,148,7,12,(Robin and Barney grunting rhythmically)
42986,148,7,12,"Yeah, you know, you know!"
42987,148,7,12,"Again, sorry kids."
42988,148,7,12,"Hey, mister."
42989,148,7,12,Are you putting up all these Christmas lights?
42990,148,7,12,"Oh, kid, by the time I'm done, you're gonna be able to see this son of a bitch from outer space."
42991,148,7,12,"Ah, cool."
42992,148,7,12,"I wanted to put lights on our house, but my dad says he's too busy with work and stuff."
42993,148,7,12,"Hey, what do you say, uh, you come back here next weekend and help me out?"
42994,148,7,12,Yeah!
42995,148,7,12,You've got yourself a deal.
42996,148,7,12,I'm Scott.
42997,148,7,12,I'm... Mr. Eriksen.
42998,148,7,12,"Thanks, Mr. E."
42999,148,7,12,Mr. E.
43000,148,7,12,Looks like some little scamp just earned the right to put the Vikings helmet on baby Jesus.
43001,148,7,12,"Later that week, as I was enjoying every second of not being pregnant..."
43002,148,7,12,Announcer: Next on Teenage Mommies...
43003,148,7,12,Girl: But you said you would watch Bella.
43004,148,7,12,I have cheerleading practice.
43005,148,7,12,(laughs)
43006,148,7,12,"Sucks to be you, Braces."
43007,148,7,12,(cell phone ringing)
43008,148,7,12,Oh. Um...
43009,148,7,12,Yello!
43010,148,7,12,"Uh, yeah, I can come back in."
43011,148,7,12,"Robin, we ran some tests last week."
43012,148,7,12,This is going to be difficult to hear.
43013,148,7,12,"And then the doctor said a bunch of medical stuff that... well, the gist of it was this."
43014,148,7,12,I can't have a baby.
43015,148,7,12,No. You can't have a baby.
43016,148,7,12,"Uh, great."
43017,148,7,12,"Uh, well, I mean, um, not-not great."
43018,148,7,12,"I mean, I've never wanted kids, so if it has to happen to someone..."
43019,148,7,12,"Robin, is there anyone you can talk to about this?"
43020,148,7,12,Perhaps a close friend?
43021,148,7,12,Robin: I knew I could have talked to my friends.
43022,148,7,12,"But, it's just, I already knew exactly how they would all react."
43023,148,7,12,Ted would go into overdrive trying to make me feel better.
43024,148,7,12,You need comfort food.
43025,148,7,12,"Fried chicken, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes."
43026,148,7,12,"Open your present, I'll work on these shoulders."
43027,148,7,12,"Okay, just breathe, relax, eat your chicken."
43028,148,7,12,"Come on, eat, breathe, open it, breathe, open it, eat."
43029,148,7,12,"Robin, why are you so tense?!"
43030,148,7,12,(groans)
43031,148,7,12,Lily would just implode.
43032,148,7,12,And here I've been going on and on about babies.
43033,148,7,12,"(sobbing): Oh, I am such a bad friend!"
43034,148,7,12,And I'd wind up comforting her.
43035,148,7,12,It's okay.
43036,148,7,12,You have to punch me in the face!
43037,148,7,12,Marshall would ask me a ton of questions I don't know the answers to.
43038,148,7,12,Have you thought about adoption?
43039,148,7,12,"Um, well..."
43040,148,7,12,Does this kind of thing run in your family?
43041,148,7,12,Uh...
43042,148,7,12,"What was the date, duration and consistency of your last period?"
43043,148,7,12,And your father would bend over backwards trying to make me laugh.
43044,148,7,12,A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar--
43045,148,7,12,"no, a barbershop--"
43046,148,7,12,"no, a post office--"
43047,148,7,12,"no, it's two priests--"
43048,148,7,12,"no, it's two ducks--"
43049,148,7,12,"no, a priest holding a duck--"
43050,148,7,12,and he's Polish.
43051,148,7,12,"The priest, not the duck."
43052,148,7,12,"Actually, the duck could be Polish, too."
43053,148,7,12,Doesn't matter.
43054,148,7,12,Yes it does. The duck's not Polish.
43055,148,7,12,"And when that didn't work, he would actually bend over backwards."
43056,148,7,12,Pratfall!
43057,148,7,12,(grunts)
43058,148,7,12,Ow!
43059,148,7,12,"The bottom line is, I didn't feel like talking about it."
43060,148,7,12,So when Ted asked...
43061,148,7,12,
43062,148,7,12,"Hey, Robin, you okay? You look upset."
43063,148,7,12,I just came up with the first lie that popped into my head.
43064,148,7,12,Yeah. Uh...
43065,148,7,12,I just found out I can never... be a pole-vaulter for the Canadian Olympic team.
43066,148,7,12,I'm too tall or something.
43067,148,7,12,"Robin, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Robin."
43068,148,7,12,I had no idea. That's terrible.
43069,148,7,12,"Can we get some fried chicken over here, stat!"
43070,148,7,12,I am such a bad friend!
43071,148,7,12,Three slutty nuns show up at St. Peter's--
43072,148,7,12,"Wait, wait, they're not slutty."
43073,148,7,12,"Well, they are, but you're not supposed to know that yet."
43074,148,7,12,(cell phone ringing)
43075,148,7,12,Um...
43076,148,7,12,"Hey, baby, what's up?"
43077,148,7,12,"Hey, uh, listen, the construction of the Symphony of Illumination is taking a little longer than I thought."
43078,148,7,12,Good thing I have Scott here to help me.
43079,148,7,12,"Right, Scott?"
43080,148,7,12,"You betcha, Mr. E!"
43081,148,7,12,Bad news.
43082,148,7,12,Robin's too tall to be an Olympic pole-vaulter.
43083,148,7,12,Has she filed an appeal with the IOC?
43084,148,7,12,Have you filed an appeal with the IOC?
43085,148,7,12,Can she make herself shorter by slouching?
43086,148,7,12,Can you make yourself shorter by slouching?
43087,148,7,12,Has she considered going back to school and competing at the collegiate level?
43088,148,7,12,Have you considered going back to school and...
43089,148,7,12,I don't want to talk about it.
43090,148,7,12,Sorry.
43091,148,7,12,"I love you, baby. See you tomorrow."
43092,148,7,12,"Okay, I love you, too."
43093,148,7,12,(grunts)
43094,148,7,12,Scott?
43095,148,7,12,"Scott, I dropped my phone."
43096,148,7,12,"Yep, found it."
43097,148,7,12,Could you bring it up here?
43098,148,7,12,You got it.
43099,148,7,12,"Hey, while I'm at it, can I get you a beer?"
43100,148,7,12,He wants to bring the old man a beer.
43101,148,7,12,"Yeah, sure."
43102,148,7,12,"Uh, there's a whole case in the fridge."
43103,148,7,12,"Thanks, son."
43104,148,7,12,"Do you, do you mind if I call you ""son""?"
43105,148,7,12,You can call me whatever you want... jackass.
43106,148,7,12,Scott?
43107,148,7,12,The ladder fell.
43108,148,7,12,Scott?
43109,148,7,12,(hip-hop music playing)
43110,148,7,12,♪ ♪
43111,148,7,12,Scott!
43112,148,7,12,What are we doing?
43113,148,7,12,"Listen, um, I know things have been kind of weird between you and me these past couple weeks, so I just want to say I'm..."
43114,148,7,12,I'm glad we're back to where we started.
43115,148,7,12,Yeah.
43116,148,7,12,Friends with benefits.
43117,148,7,12,No.
43118,148,7,12,Just like always.
43119,148,7,12,Never been that. Just friends.
43120,148,7,12,With benefits. We'll talk about it later.
43121,148,7,12,Look at all these babies.
43122,148,7,12,"Isn't it crazy how, now that we're not having one, babies are cute again?"
43123,148,7,12,(laughs)
43124,148,7,12,Look at that one.
43125,148,7,12,I'm good.
43126,148,7,12,"No, I'm serious. Look, look."
43127,148,7,12,ROBIN (gasps): Damn it.
43128,148,7,12,That thing's cute as crap.
43129,148,7,12,"Screw you, baby."
43130,148,7,12,Marshall: Scott?
43131,148,7,12,Scott!
43132,148,7,12,What is going on?
43133,148,7,12,"Hey, Mr. E. Scott... if you do not let me down, I am going to scream my head off until someone comes to help me, and then you're going to have to explain all of this to the cops."
43134,148,7,12,And then you'll have to explain why there's a picture of my ding-dong on your phone.
43135,148,7,12,There is no picture of your...
43136,148,7,12,There is now.
43137,148,7,12,(camera clicks)
43138,148,7,12,"Oh, yeah, that's a beauty."
43139,148,7,12,Scott?
43140,148,7,12,Scott!
43141,148,7,12,(hushed): Scott!
43142,148,7,12,Marshall keeps asking me to text him pictures of my boobies.
43143,148,7,12,"After all these years, he sometimes still acts like a teenager."
43144,148,7,12,I'll be right back.
43145,148,7,12,Insane Duane.
43146,148,7,12,It's Sane Duane now.
43147,148,7,12,You used to be magnificent.
43148,148,7,12,Are you okay?
43149,148,7,12,"Yeah, yeah, um, I guess this, um, this pole-vaulting thing is finally hitting me."
43150,148,7,12,"I don't get it, Robin."
43151,148,7,12,Did you really want to be a pole-vaulter?
43152,148,7,12,"No, no, I was, uh, I was always adamantly against having a... uh, a pole-vaulting career, even though it's what most women want."
43153,148,7,12,Most women want to be a pole-vaulter?
43154,148,7,12,In Canada--
43155,148,7,12,it's very big up there.
43156,148,7,12,"You know, it's, it's meet a nice guy, get married, vault some poles, but I... never wanted that."
43157,148,7,12,"Of course, it's one thing not to want something."
43158,148,7,12,It's another to be told you can't have it.
43159,148,7,12,"I guess it's, it's just nice knowing that you could someday do it if you changed your mind."
43160,148,7,12,"But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed."
43161,148,7,12,What about the one where you ski and shoot at the same time?
43162,148,7,12,That seems like something you'd be good at.
43163,148,7,12,"Oh, my God, Robin, look at this."
43164,148,7,12,O Cana-dorable!
43165,148,7,12,Am I right?
43166,148,7,12,Excuse me.
43167,148,7,12,"Yep, this works."
43168,148,7,12,"Scott, when I get down from here, you are going to be in big, big trouble, mister."
43169,148,7,12,"Come on, Mr. E."
43170,148,7,12,Didn't you ever cut loose when you were a kid?
43171,148,7,12,That's irrelevant.
43172,148,7,12,"I mean, of course I did."
43173,148,7,12,"One time, when my parents were out of town, my brothers and I set the basement on fire hosting an amateur wrestling exhibition."
43174,148,7,12,There were some theatrics.
43175,148,7,12,"See, you get me."
43176,148,7,12,I don't think of you as some dummy I trapped on the roof.
43177,148,7,12,"I think of you more like, like my dad."
43178,148,7,12,"Can we keep the party going for 30 more minutes, please?"
43179,148,7,12,"Okay, Scott."
43180,148,7,12,"Thanks, Pop."
43181,148,7,12,"It's fine, kid just needed to blow off some steam."
43182,148,7,12,(cheering)
43183,148,7,12,No!
43184,148,7,12,Grandma Gunderson knitted that!
43185,148,7,12,Scott...!
43186,148,7,12,That was crazy.
43187,148,7,12,She just ran out of there crying.
43188,148,7,12,Now she's not answering her phone.
43189,148,7,12,"She's been acting really weird for a few weeks now, really since the night we discussed the hurricane."
43190,148,7,12,"Barney, you split a cab home."
43191,148,7,12,Did she say anything?
43192,148,7,12,We didn't really talk much.
43193,148,7,12,"Ted: Well, lucky for us, someone at this table is skilled in the art of detection."
43194,148,7,12,Robin's upset.
43195,148,7,12,She and Kevin are having trouble.
43196,148,7,12,He cheated on her.
43197,148,7,12,Lily: No way.
43198,148,7,12,"Kevin's an honest, decent guy who never on his best day could pull a hotter chick than Robin."
43199,148,7,12,Maybe Robin cheated on him.
43200,148,7,12,Maybe Robin is the dirty bird who slept with someone else.
43201,148,7,12,"I don't know, this pole-vaulting thing seems like a slam dunk to me."
43202,148,7,12,"Oh, it is so obvious."
43203,148,7,12,Barney.
43204,148,7,12,"What is the name of that guy you worked with-- uh, Randy?"
43205,148,7,12,It was Randy.
43206,148,7,12,Ted: Wait a second.
43207,148,7,12,I just cracked this case.
43208,148,7,12,(whimpers)
43209,148,7,12,The little maple leaf onesie.
43210,148,7,12,It made her homesick.
43211,148,7,12,That's why she's so upset.
43212,148,7,12,She's not going home for Christmas.
43213,148,7,12,She wants me to invite her to Ohio.
43214,148,7,12,That's got to be it!
43215,148,7,12,Either that or she slept with Barney.
43216,148,7,12,(all laugh)
43217,148,7,12,(laughing uproariously)
43218,148,7,12,"Oh, you must be Scott."
43219,148,7,12,"Oh, hello, ma'am."
43220,148,7,12,It's nice to finally see your face.
43221,148,7,12,"Well, I'd better go hit those books."
43222,148,7,12,"Hold it right there, young man."
43223,148,7,12,This is for helping out my husband.
43224,148,7,12,"Wow, 50 bucks."
43225,148,7,12,Merry Christmas.
43226,148,7,12,Lily!
43227,148,7,12,An airplane ticket to Cleveland?
43228,148,7,12,"I know it's not Canada, but it starts with a ""C"" and it's cold as balls, so get packed."
43229,148,7,12,You're coming home with me for Christmas.
43230,148,7,12,"Yeah, nice try, dude."
43231,148,7,12,I wouldn't go to Cleveland for $125 million paid over six years.
43232,148,7,12,Still?
43233,148,7,12,Still with the LeBron jokes?
43234,148,7,12,"Where's that ring, huh?"
43235,148,7,12,Where's that ring he's supposed to have by now?
43236,148,7,12,"Look, I just-- I thought you were bummed about not going home for Christmas."
43237,148,7,12,Are you kidding?
43238,148,7,12,(sighs)
43239,148,7,12,I love New York at Christmas.
43240,148,7,12,It's so quiet and peaceful.
43241,148,7,12,"Got my eggnog to keep me company, so..."
43242,148,7,12,"Robin, what's wrong?"
43243,148,7,12,Nothing.
43244,148,7,12,Just tell me.
43245,148,7,12,Why do you need to know so bad?
43246,148,7,12,So I can cheer you up.
43247,148,7,12,It's not your job to cheer me up.
43248,148,7,12,"Yes, it is."
43249,148,7,12,Cheering you up is my job.
43250,148,7,12,"Well, then, you're fired."
43251,148,7,12,You can't fire me.
43252,148,7,12,"I'm union, bitch."
43253,148,7,12,It's not your job to cheer me up.
43254,148,7,12,"Yes, it is."
43255,148,7,12,"No, it's not."
43256,148,7,12,"Yes, it is."
43257,148,7,12,"No, it's not."
43258,148,7,12,"Merry Christmas, Ted."
43259,148,7,12,Merry Christmas.
43260,148,7,12,"Robin: So, kids, I settled in for a Christmas alone."
43261,148,7,12,"I appreciated that Ted wanted to cheer me up, but honestly, it wasn't necessary."
43262,148,7,12,So I can't have kids.
43263,148,7,12,Big deal.
43264,148,7,12,"This way there's no one to hold me back in life, no one to keep me from traveling where I want to travel, no one getting in the way of my career."
43265,148,7,12,"If you want to know the truth of it, I'm glad you guys aren't real."
43266,148,7,12,Really glad.
43267,148,7,12,(sighs)
43268,148,7,12,Damn it.
43269,148,7,12,(sighs)
43270,148,7,12,"(""Highway to Hell"" by AC/DC playing)"
43271,148,7,12,"Yes, it is."
43272,148,7,12,"Look, you don't want to tell me what's wrong, fine."
43273,148,7,12,I don't need to know.
43274,148,7,12,But you can never stop me from trying to cheer you up.
43275,148,7,12,It's a fact of life.
43276,148,7,12,You're just gonna have to deal with it.
43277,148,7,12,Ted...
43278,148,7,12,"Hold on, hold on, this is the best part."
43279,148,7,12,♪ I'm on the highway to hell ♪♪ On the highway to hell ♪
43280,148,7,12,♪ Highway to hell... ♪
43281,148,7,12,"Narrator: Kids, your Aunt Robin never became a pole-vaulter, but she did become a famous journalist, a successful businesswoman, a world traveler."
43282,148,7,12,She was even briefly a bullfighter--
43283,148,7,12,"that's a funny story, I'll get to that one later."
43284,148,7,12,But there's one thing your Aunt Robin never was.
43285,148,7,12,She was never alone.
43286,149,7,13,"Narrator: Kids, on New Year's Day 2012, Uncle Marshall took a trip to Minnesota to see someone he truly missed."
43287,149,7,13,"Hey, Pop."
43288,149,7,13,I can't believe it's been a year.
43289,149,7,13,I think the most appropriate way to honor your memory today... is to get blasted and watch the Vikings make the Bears their furry little bitches.
43290,149,7,13,"Go, Vikes!"
43291,149,7,13,Mourner: Shh.
43292,149,7,13,Sorry for your loss.
43293,149,7,13,"(softly): Which is what we'll be saying to the Bears in about three hours, right, Pop?"
43294,149,7,13,"Narrator: Kids, tailgating at the Vikings-Bears game was a tradition for Uncle Marshall and his dad."
43295,149,7,13,That's how the government covered up the UFO crash in Roswell: by canning the sliced up alien carcasses and calling it Spam.
43296,149,7,13,Wow.
43297,149,7,13,"Is there anything you don't know, Dad?"
43298,149,7,13,No.
43299,149,7,13,I know most stuff.
43300,149,7,13,"And in your honor... three decades of pork fat, lighter fluid and Bengay."
43301,149,7,13,(sniffs)
43302,149,7,13,"Dear God, that's the stuff."
43303,149,7,13,So much to catch you up on.
43304,149,7,13,"So, last night was New Year's Eve."
43305,149,7,13,That's a crazy story.
43306,149,7,13,Marshall: So you haven't told your dad that you're pregnant yet?
43307,149,7,13,No. But why should I?
43308,149,7,13,My dad has never been there for me.
43309,149,7,13,This is just another chance for him to let me down.
43310,149,7,13,"Lily, you have to tell him."
43311,149,7,13,He's at some board game convention in Chicago.
43312,149,7,13,He's your dad.
43313,149,7,13,(sighs)
43314,149,7,13,I don't see why people aren't getting this.
43315,149,7,13,Shoplifter does not promote crime.
43316,149,7,13,It celebrates it.
43317,149,7,13,(phone ringing)
43318,149,7,13,"Hey, Dad."
43319,149,7,13,"I'm, uh, calling with some pretty big news."
43320,149,7,13,I'm pregnant.
43321,149,7,13,Great. Thanks.
43322,149,7,13,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x13 ♪
43323,149,7,13,Tailgate
43324,149,7,13,"Original Air Date on January 2, 2012"
43325,149,7,13,"Marshall: Anyway, Dad, Ted and Barney's New Year's Eve wasn't off to a great start, either."
43326,149,7,13,"Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's 50 bucks, and the line starts out there."
43327,149,7,13,"Uh, we're regulars. Oh, in that case, the line starts out there, and it's 50 bucks."
43328,149,7,13,You got a problem with that?
43329,149,7,13,"Narrator: Kids, here's why we didn't have a problem with that."
43330,149,7,13,And he was even scarier without the toupee.
43331,149,7,13,No problem. It's a little drafty.
43332,149,7,13,We'll get you a nice hot cocoa.
43333,149,7,13,Check it out.
43334,149,7,13,Sandy Rivers' New Year's Eve show.
43335,149,7,13,(scoffs) Thank God I don't have to produce this frozen pile of poo.
43336,149,7,13,How'd you dodge that bullet?
43337,149,7,13,"Well, maybe Tina, the producer, he, uh, picked, is more talented than I am... at lying down while Sandy does his business on her."
43338,149,7,13,"Does it bother you that this pervert's on the air, and you're not anymore?"
43339,149,7,13,Do you miss it?
43340,149,7,13,(laughs)
43341,149,7,13,What? Why would... why would I miss it?
43342,149,7,13,No. I would rather be warm and cozy here in denial-- my apartment.
43343,149,7,13,"Robin, I'm no therapist--"
43344,149,7,13,"wait, yes, I am--"
43345,149,7,13,but I've got a New Year's resolution for you.
43346,149,7,13,Get back on camera.
43347,149,7,13,"Mine was going to be ""make a s*x tape,"" so... two birds."
43348,149,7,13,(phone rings)
43349,149,7,13,Hold that thought.
43350,149,7,13,Hello?
43351,149,7,13,Sandy?
43352,149,7,13,Tina quit.
43353,149,7,13,The woman I love just quit.
43354,149,7,13,"Love? She's my everything, Robin."
43355,149,7,13,"My sun, my stars, my oxygen."
43356,149,7,13,"Plus, she likes it fast and dirty, and that's how Sandy rides."
43357,149,7,13,I need you here ASAP.
43358,149,7,13,Marshall: Are you kidding me?
43359,149,7,13,Marcus?
43360,149,7,13,What the heck are you doing here?
43361,149,7,13,What the heck are you doing here?
43362,149,7,13,I wanted to see Dad today--
43363,149,7,13,in private.
43364,149,7,13,"Well, I had the same idea, and I drove all the way from Mom's, so get lost."
43365,149,7,13,"I flew here, so you get lost."
43366,149,7,13,"Um, I'm trying to have a poignant moment with our departed father, turd face."
43367,149,7,13,"Well, I'm trying to feel Dad's spirit flow through my soul, butt breath."
43368,149,7,13,"I'm reaching out to the beyond to touch Dad's inner light, ass clown."
43369,149,7,13,"I hear Dad's voice like an ethereal song guiding me toward salvation, douche nozzle."
43370,149,7,13,Dibs on Dad.
43371,149,7,13,Dibs on Dad times infinity.
43372,149,7,13,Oh! Ooh.
43373,149,7,13,I'll just pretend like you're not here.
43374,149,7,13,(stammers) What?
43375,149,7,13,"Dad, do you hear something?"
43376,149,7,13,Perhaps the high-pitched whine of someone who wet their bed until they were 11!
43377,149,7,13,Ten.
43378,149,7,13,"Anyway, Dad, since it's just the two of us..."
43379,149,7,13,Lily and I were going to spend New Year's unpacking the baby room.
43380,149,7,13,"Um, sweetie, why is this book in here?"
43381,149,7,13,That's Enigmas of The Mystical.
43382,149,7,13,It's all about mysterious and unexplained phenomena.
43383,149,7,13,Don't you remember the TV commercials from the '80s?
43384,149,7,13,"Announcer: June 17th, 1983."
43385,149,7,13,"Tempe, Arizona."
43386,149,7,13,A woman makes a chicken salad sandwich.
43387,149,7,13,Eerie Whispering: Chicken salad sandwich.
43388,149,7,13,"Announcer: Halfway across the country in Michigan, her daughter is compelled to make almost exactly the same sandwich."
43389,149,7,13,Eerie Whispering: Tuna salad.
43390,149,7,13,Announcer: Coincidence?
43391,149,7,13,Or an enigma of the mystical!
43392,149,7,13,(thunder crashing)
43393,149,7,13,"Yeah, those enigmas always seemed a bit thin to me."
43394,149,7,13,"Thin? Lily, this is 200 pages of detailed accounts about Bigfoot, ghosts, aliens abducting people from their beds and probing them."
43395,149,7,13,I'm going to read it to Baby Eriksen at night-night.
43396,149,7,13,You really want to read our kid bedtime stories about monsters?
43397,149,7,13,"First of all, I wouldn't use the ""M"" word."
43398,149,7,13,Only they can call themselves that.
43399,149,7,13,"And secondly, are you really saying you don't want to raise our child as a believer?"
43400,149,7,13,(chuckles) I don't want to brainwash our child to believe in something with no proof.
43401,149,7,13,It's not about proof; it's about faith.
43402,149,7,13,Faith is what gives life shape and meaning.
43403,149,7,13,"I mean, if there aren't yetis or leprechauns, what's the point of even getting up in the morning?"
43404,149,7,13,I don't know.
43405,149,7,13,"Wife, unborn child, drop a deuce?"
43406,149,7,13,"Lily, don't you think it's a bit narcissistic not to allow for something bigger than us out there?"
43407,149,7,13,Something whose beauty and power and majesty humbles us?
43408,149,7,13,God? Werewolves.
43409,149,7,13,(crowd cheering)
43410,149,7,13,"So, as the countdown to 212 continues, a quick warning, America: Tina Henderson is a soulless bitch who will stomp on your heart."
43411,149,7,13,"(crying): I need you back, Tina."
43412,149,7,13,I love you.
43413,149,7,13,"Well, if that's as bad as it gets, we might be okay."
43414,149,7,13,Bathroom break.
43415,149,7,13,(unzipping)
43416,149,7,13,"Oh, good."
43417,149,7,13,It's on the Jumbotron.
43418,149,7,13,"Oh, finally."
43419,149,7,13,"Yeah, that'll be"
43420,149,7,13,100 bucks each.
43421,149,7,13,What? You said 50.
43422,149,7,13,That was before the place got crowded.
43423,149,7,13,Okay? It's New Year's Eve.
43424,149,7,13,People get rowdy and break stuff.
43425,149,7,13,The cover protects us.
43426,149,7,13,"Plus, you get these festive hats."
43427,149,7,13,For an additional
43428,149,7,13,15 bucks.
43429,149,7,13,They're wet.
43430,149,7,13,Dry ones are 20.
43431,149,7,13,That's it.
43432,149,7,13,"Don't bother, everybody."
43433,149,7,13,MacLaren's is a rip-off!
43434,149,7,13,(scoffs)
43435,149,7,13,You'd all be better off coming upstairs to my place for a beer.
43436,149,7,13,"Hey, dude. You serious?"
43437,149,7,13,"Ted, do you remember a couple yea ago, we had the best idea of a time?"
43438,149,7,13,We should buy a bar.
43439,149,7,13,Of course! We could buy a bar!
43440,149,7,13,The name of our bar?
43441,149,7,13,Puzzles.
43442,149,7,13,"People will be like, ""Why is it called Puzzles?"""
43443,149,7,13,That's the puzzle.
43444,149,7,13,"A bar where no one's overcharged, where everyone feels valued and respected."
43445,149,7,13,A bar... where we get chicks drunk and bang them.
43446,149,7,13,We're opening Puzzles tonight.
43447,149,7,13,Of course we're opening Puzzles tonight!
43448,149,7,13,Aren't you going to ask us why it's called Puzzles?
43449,149,7,13,Nope.
43450,149,7,13,Okay.
43451,149,7,13,"Robin: Okay, we're back live in 30 seconds."
43452,149,7,13,I don't know.
43453,149,7,13,Uht's see if he's still wearing his mic.
43454,149,7,13,"Sandy: Taxi, take me to Tina's house."
43455,149,7,13,50 West 67th.
43456,149,7,13,"Man: Sir, this is a falafel stand, and you're sitting in the hummus."
43457,149,7,13,(sighs)
43458,149,7,13,Okay.
43459,149,7,13,Run the montage of people who died this year until I get back.
43460,149,7,13,"And add Sandy, because when I find him, I'm going to kill him."
43461,149,7,13,"Anyway, Dad..."
43462,149,7,13,Stop hogging Dad already.
43463,149,7,13,"I've got stuff to tell him, too."
43464,149,7,13,Like what?
43465,149,7,13,"You're still living with Mom, and you have no job."
43466,149,7,13,Go ahead.
43467,149,7,13,"So, anyway..."
43468,149,7,13,"8th July, 1972"
43469,149,7,13,(screams)
43470,149,7,13,"Cheyenne, Wyoming."
43471,149,7,13,A hunter spots a hairy form in the fore.
43472,149,7,13,Bigfoot.
43473,149,7,13,"His story is dismissed because, to be honest, he'd been drinking and had a history of mental problems."
43474,149,7,13,But was it a hoax?
43475,149,7,13,Or was it an enigma of the...
43476,149,7,13,It was an idiot in a gorilla suit.
43477,149,7,13,Enigma. Gorilla suit.
43478,149,7,13,Enigma! Gorilla suit!
43479,149,7,13,Marshall? Marcus?
43480,149,7,13,What are you guys doing he?
43481,149,7,13,Having a private moment with Dad.
43482,149,7,13,"No, I'm having a private moment with Dad."
43483,149,7,13,"No, I'm having a private moment with Dad."
43484,149,7,13,"Announcer: Touchdown, Vikings!"
43485,149,7,13,(whooping)
43486,149,7,13,Boom! Yeah!
43487,149,7,13,(celebratory laughter)
43488,149,7,13,(laughter stops abruptly)
43489,149,7,13,"Anyway, Dad, since it's still just the two of us, I'll go on."
43490,149,7,13,"I've always envisioned Puzzles as a literary salon, where Gotham's intelligentsia hold court on art, philosophy and literature."
43491,149,7,13,Great.
43492,149,7,13,"And while you're distracting the nerds and fatties, I'll be in the VIP room getting it in."
43493,149,7,13,"Uh, yeah, dude, I don't know where you got a velvet rope, but you can't use my room for anonymous s*x."
43494,149,7,13,I'm kind of a neat freak that way.
43495,149,7,13,"Hey, guys, I have an idea for Puzzles."
43496,149,7,13,(inhaling through teeth)
43497,149,7,13,What if... What?
43498,149,7,13,Oh. Okay. I understand.
43499,149,7,13,But hey we like your energy.
43500,149,7,13,How would you like to be our star bartender.
43501,149,7,13,(gasps)
43502,149,7,13,I've always wanted to be a bartender.
43503,149,7,13,It's just like being a therapist.
43504,149,7,13,"You listen to people's problems, pretend to care, but you can drink openly, instead of having to hide your booze in a coffee mug."
43505,149,7,13,"Great. Oh, check it out."
43506,149,7,13,We worked out a theme song for Puzzles.
43507,149,7,13,While I was carrying
43508,149,7,13,100-pound kegs up four flights of stairs? Awesome.
43509,149,7,13,♪ ♪♪ Puzzles is a place where people go ♪
43510,149,7,13,♪ To feel like they belong ♪♪ Gonna take advantage of dumb drunk girls ♪
43511,149,7,13,"No, we're not."
43512,149,7,13,♪ That would be wrong ♪
43513,149,7,13,♪ A place where wit and wisdom bloom ♪
43514,149,7,13,♪A place to bang chicks in Ted's room ♪
43515,149,7,13,Not gonna happen.
43516,149,7,13,We'll talk about it.
43517,149,7,13,"♪ At Puzzles, we all fit together ♪♪ And I'm the bartender! ♪"
43518,149,7,13,(inhales sharply)
43519,149,7,13,I'll go get the other kegs.
43520,149,7,13,Probably a good idea.
43521,149,7,13,We got to work out some harmonies.
43522,149,7,13,♪ And I'm right here ♪
43523,149,7,13,"♪ No, you actually down here ♪"
43524,149,7,13,"Excuse me, sir? About the TVs, we in the middle burying my aunt, so..."
43525,149,7,13,Oh I'm sorry. We'll keep it down.
43526,149,7,13,"No, I just want to check out the score."
43527,149,7,13,"Actually, I'm trying to have a private moment with my dad, so..."
43528,149,7,13,Oh.
43529,149,7,13,It's just that I used to goto Vikes's with my aunt; may she rest in peace.
43530,149,7,13,"Anyway, so back to my story."
43531,149,7,13,She also loved burgers.
43532,149,7,13,"So now, back to my story."
43533,149,7,13,Aunt Laura sure loved a toasted bun.
43534,149,7,13,"Tina, please tell me Sandy's here."
43535,149,7,13,"Don't worry, he's here."
43536,149,7,13,And we're back... together!
43537,149,7,13,"He told me he loves me, he's sorry, and I'm the only girl for him."
43538,149,7,13,"You know, since we'll here, and we're all horny..."
43539,149,7,13,I don't know what went wrong.
43540,149,7,13,"Well, proposing the three-way was bad, starting without us was worse, finishing in the hallway was the nail in the coffin."
43541,149,7,13,No! Stop drinking!
43542,149,7,13,I gotta get you back on air!
43543,149,7,13,But I'm single and ready to mingle!
43544,149,7,13,"Hello, there."
43545,149,7,13,"Oh, the Twitter-verse blowing up about a new apartment-themed bar called Puzzles."
43546,149,7,13,Why is it called Puzzles?
43547,149,7,13,That's the puzzle!
43548,149,7,13,"Anyway, this VIP room has a maximum occupancy of two people including me, so eeny... and the rest of you may go."
43549,149,7,13,"It's funny, but it seems each time I read James Joyce's Ulysses,"
43550,149,7,13,"it's a different book, begging the question: Has the book changed... or have I?"
43551,149,7,13,(belches loudly)
43552,149,7,13,(glass breaks)
43553,149,7,13,"Okay, people are getting rowdy and drunk and breaking things."
43554,149,7,13,"I know this goes against the Puzzles mission statement you made me memorize, but we gotta raise our drink prices."
43555,149,7,13,"All right, just a little bit so no one will notice."
43556,149,7,13,All: Boo!
43557,149,7,13,Poodles sucks!
43558,149,7,13,Marshall: And that's when the night turned to absolute crap.
43559,149,7,13,"♪ At Puzzles, we all fit together ♪♪ On sunny days or stormy weather ♪"
43560,149,7,13,♪ So pull up a chair and sit'♪
43561,149,7,13,(vomits)
43562,149,7,13,♪ To share and stories to tell ♪♪ Puzzles is a place where everybody feels at home ♪
43563,149,7,13,Barney: ♪ And we bang chicks in Ted's room. ♪
43564,149,7,13,"What-what do, what do, what do we do?"
43565,149,7,13,"Marshall: And so Puzzles got a bouncer,"
43566,149,7,13,"All right, you know what, you guys?"
43567,149,7,13,"No. No, no, no, no, no, you said double what MacLaren's was paying me."
43568,149,7,13,"And why isn't anyone wearing the hats I brought up?! ""November 14th...(shrieks)"
43569,149,7,13,"""1982. ""Everglades National Park, Florida. ""Five mysterious lights dance in the night sky. ""A ray shoots down, lifting the park ranger, ""who, to be fair, was going through a bad divorce and had a habit of lying to get attention."""
43570,149,7,13,"I hate this job, Sandy!"
43571,149,7,13,"I went into journalism to make a difference, but you have made that impossible."
43572,149,7,13,"You know, to be honest, it hasn't been an easy couple months for me. I've made mistakes."
43573,149,7,13,I've felt alone. I had to let go of dreams I didn't even know I had.
43574,149,7,13,"So here's the deal: You're gonna get back on air and count us into a better year, because I just can't do"
43575,149,7,13,2011 anymore. You with me?
43576,149,7,13,"He's not with me, is he?"
43577,149,7,13,"Anyway, Dad, where was I?"
43578,149,7,13,"You know what? Fine, get out of here!"
43579,149,7,13,We don't need ya!
43580,149,7,13,And why doesn't anybody like these hats?
43581,149,7,13,I made these hats.
43582,149,7,13,"It's because they' wet, Doug."
43583,149,7,13,Why are they all wet?!
43584,149,7,13,Were those our last customers?
43585,149,7,13,Let me go check the bathroom.
43586,149,7,13,(blows note on horn)
43587,149,7,13,You must be from the escort service.
43588,149,7,13,The scenario is high school wrestling match.
43589,149,7,13,(phone rings)
43590,149,7,13,Hello?
43591,149,7,13,So get this: I lost Sandy Rivers.
43592,149,7,13,Funny you should mention that.
43593,149,7,13,It's almost midnight!
43594,149,7,13,"What am I gonna do, go on the air myself?"
43595,149,7,13,"Listen... Wait. Yeah, do that!"
43596,149,7,13,"No, I-I can't actually."
43597,149,7,13,"Yes, you can. It's what you really want and you deserve it."
43598,149,7,13,"Kevin, that's not how it works."
43599,149,7,13,Sounds like that's your only choice.
43600,149,7,13,New York's a big city.
43601,149,7,13,Sandy Rivers could be anywhere.
43602,149,7,13,And... wrestle!
43603,149,7,13,Hey.
43604,149,7,13,"I'm sorry, baby."
43605,149,7,13,I just... I want our kid to believe that the universe is magical.
43606,149,7,13,"You know, like my dad taught me."
43607,149,7,13,You know what my dad taught me?
43608,149,7,13,"Nothing... 'cause he was never there. ""June 22nd, 1996, Brooklyn, New York. ""A man misses his daughter's high school graduation. ""Later, she discovers her babysitting money ""has been spent on a board game called Who Stole The Babysitting Money?"""
43609,149,7,13,"He never saw the irony in that. ""December 31st, 2011. ""A woman calls her father to tell him she's pregnant. says, 'Great. Thanks,' and hangs up on her."""
43610,149,7,13,"And after pushing her to call him, a Big Foot is discovered in her husband's mouth."
43611,149,7,13,"I'm glad you're a believer, baby, but I'm never gonna believe in an ""enigma of the mystical"" unless I see it with my own eyes."
43612,149,7,13,"Because the truth is, my father never taught me believe in anything but myself."
43613,149,7,13,"Well, if it helps at all, I believe in you, too."
43614,149,7,13,Then there's a pretty good chance I don't exist.
43615,149,7,13,How dare you?!
43616,149,7,13,(chuckles)
43617,149,7,13,"Oh, my God!"
43618,149,7,13,This is Robin Scherbatsky filling in for Sandy Rivers.
43619,149,7,13,"You know, America, tonight I've been groped, stepped in puke and until 10 minutes ago had no idea I would be on national television."
43620,149,7,13,That's my girl.
43621,149,7,13,But that's the magic of New Year's.
43622,149,7,13,"When that clock strikes midnight, we all get a fresh start."
43623,149,7,13,"And I don't know about you, but I could really use one."
43624,149,7,13,And that magic moment starts in ten... nine...
43625,149,7,13,
43626,149,7,13,Narrator: That night became a turning point in Robin's career.
43627,149,7,13,But we'll get to that.
43628,149,7,13,"They're nice hats, Doug."
43629,149,7,13,They're wet but they're nice.
43630,149,7,13,"...three, two, one."
43631,149,7,13,(all cheering)
43632,149,7,13,And that's the story of New Year's Eve.
43633,149,7,13,"You know, I've been thinking that the reason I got so intense with Lily about Enigmas of the Mystical"
43634,149,7,13,"is that, well..."
43635,149,7,13,Could you pass the pickles?
43636,149,7,13,"...with you gone, I feel the mystical a little less."
43637,149,7,13,Can you hand me the chips?
43638,149,7,13,Sometimes I feel you a little less.
43639,149,7,13,That's why today was so important because I just...
43640,149,7,13,I needed to...
43641,149,7,13,Did you just open a beer on my father's headstone?
43642,149,7,13,"Actually, it's a hard cider."
43643,149,7,13,Narrator: And just as he was about to lose it...
43644,149,7,13,"Hey, Marvin, can you pass me a burger?"
43645,149,7,13,"Hey, not Marvin. Marshall."
43646,149,7,13,"Sorry, it's just, you're so much like your pop."
43647,149,7,13,Your Uncle Marshall thought back to all those tailgates with his father.
43648,149,7,13,"Hey, mind if I grab one?"
43649,149,7,13,The more the merrier! All right.
43650,149,7,13,♪ The time has come to heal our wounds ♪
43651,149,7,13,"♪ The time has come, it's coming soon..."
43652,149,7,13,And he realized that maybe private moments are overrated.
43653,149,7,13,You know what?
43654,149,7,13,The more the merrier.
43655,149,7,13,"Hey, guys."
43656,149,7,13,♪ The time has come to heal the wounds. ♪
43657,149,7,13,Happy New Year.
43658,149,7,13,Both: Happy New Year.
43659,149,7,13,"January 1st, 2012, East Meadow, New York."
43660,149,7,13,A woman answers her door to find something more enigmatic and mysterious than Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.
43661,149,7,13,Dad?
43662,149,7,13,Hey.
43663,149,7,13,I thought you were in Chicago.
43664,149,7,13,I was.
43665,149,7,13,Great. Thanks.
43666,149,7,13,My daughter's having a baby!
43667,149,7,13,Did you drive all night?
43668,149,7,13,Yeah.
43669,149,7,13,"Well, Teddy and I split the drive."
43670,149,7,13,This guy's a maniac behind the wheel.
43671,149,7,13,"Congrats, Princess."
43672,150,7,14,"Hey, guys. Where are Marshall and Lily?"
43673,150,7,14,Something terrible happened.
43674,150,7,14,Are they okay? Are they in the hospital?
43675,150,7,14,No.
43676,150,7,14,Somewhere much... much worse.
43677,150,7,14,Long Island!
43678,150,7,14,"Tonight, we're moving out there for good."
43679,150,7,14,Yeah. Here are your spare keys to our new house.
43680,150,7,14,Long Island?
43681,150,7,14,I don't understand.
43682,150,7,14,You can get spray tans here.
43683,150,7,14,Robin: I never let myself believe this day would really come.
43684,150,7,14,It's like when they canceled
43685,150,7,14,Party of Five
43686,150,7,14,for the second time.
43687,150,7,14,I mean when they... canceled sports.
43688,150,7,14,"Guys, we'll still see each other all the time, and we'll talk on the phone."
43689,150,7,14,"And I know people say that having kids means you won't see your friends anymore, but..."
43690,150,7,14,"Oh, God, this is good-bye, isn't it?"
43691,150,7,14,No. Stop it.
43692,150,7,14,"Guys, this doesn't change anything."
43693,150,7,14,We are only a 46-minute train ride away.
43694,150,7,14,Just pop out whenever you want.
43695,150,7,14,So... I guess this seat is open.
43696,150,7,14,(whimpering)
43697,150,7,14,I'll go get a chair.
43698,150,7,14,So that's it.
43699,150,7,14,No more Marshall.
43700,150,7,14,No more Lily.
43701,150,7,14,They're gone.
43702,150,7,14,Which means... no lame married couple shooting down all my amazing ideas.
43703,150,7,14,"Guys, great news."
43704,150,7,14,I'm the new leader of the gang!
43705,150,7,14,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x14 ♪
43706,150,7,14,46 Minutes
43707,150,7,14,"Original Air Date on January 16, 2012"
43708,150,7,14,There was only one problem.
43709,150,7,14,Mickey: Wrong!
43710,150,7,14,This can't go here.
43711,150,7,14,"Kids, when he found out she was pregnant, Lily's estranged father unexpectedly showed up on her doorstep."
43712,150,7,14,It was a gesture she appreciated.
43713,150,7,14,"But after two weeks, they'd had just about enough."
43714,150,7,14,That has to go there to cover up the splintery floorboard.
43715,150,7,14,And you can't hang this picture here.
43716,150,7,14,This isn't plaster; it's dried toothpaste.
43717,150,7,14,"Guys, you're so lucky I'm here."
43718,150,7,14,I grew up in this house.
43719,150,7,14,I know it like the back of my hand.
43720,150,7,14,And this lamp absolutely cannot be here.
43721,150,7,14,Why not?
43722,150,7,14,Blocks my view of the Widow Rodriguez doing her Jane Fonda workouts.
43723,150,7,14,"Isn't she a little old, Dad?"
43724,150,7,14,"Oh, you didn't see her when I was a kid."
43725,150,7,14,"In my mind, she'll always be 54."
43726,150,7,14,"I know he means well, but I can't take it anymore."
43727,150,7,14,"He won't leave, and-and he's acting like this is his house. No, I know."
43728,150,7,14,"And these annoying notes he keeps leaving around? ""I need absolute silence when practicing the drums."" ""Do not touch the fudge in my nightstand."" ""We need ant traps for my nightstand."""
43729,150,7,14,I find myself hiding out here just because it's the only room in the house where he can't boss us around.
43730,150,7,14,MICKEY (over intercom): Great news.
43731,150,7,14,I put new batteries in the old intercom system.
43732,150,7,14,Now we can communicate at all times.
43733,150,7,14,Mickey out.
43734,150,7,14,Look at what's become of our booth.
43735,150,7,14,Looks like my old shop teacher's hand--
43736,150,7,14,just sort of missing something.
43737,150,7,14,Enough!
43738,150,7,14,"I am sick of you two wallowing in sadness, instead of doing the healthy thing and pretending anyone who leaves you never existed in the first place."
43739,150,7,14,"I hate to agree with Barney's near-paralyzing abandonment issues, but he has a point."
43740,150,7,14,You can't just stop living because two of your friends moved away.
43741,150,7,14,Precisely.
43742,150,7,14,"Now, as new group leader, I say we go out and do something that we never would have done with Marshall and Lily here."
43743,150,7,14,Ooh.
43744,150,7,14,Remember that amazing idea I had that one time?
43745,150,7,14,Let's go to a strip club. Nope.
43746,150,7,14,So what do you say?
43747,150,7,14,Let's declare our independence with an on-da-peen dance.
43748,150,7,14,On-the-peen dance.
43749,150,7,14,"No, we got it. We got it."
43750,150,7,14,Let's go to a strip club!
43751,150,7,14,Ted: Well...
43752,150,7,14,I'm going to miss them anywhere.
43753,150,7,14,Might as well see some cans while I'm at it.
43754,150,7,14,I'll take it!
43755,150,7,14,"Robin, Kevin, you in?"
43756,150,7,14,"Narrator: Kids, early in any relationship, there's a phase where you don't say no to anything."
43757,150,7,14,Because you want to seem interesting... adventurous... and open-minded.
43758,150,7,14,I call it Early Relationship Chicken.
43759,150,7,14,"Well, I'm open to anything."
43760,150,7,14,"Oh, mos' def."
43761,150,7,14,So... So...
43762,150,7,14,I don't want to go to a strip club.
43763,150,7,14,I don't want to go to a strip club.
43764,150,7,14,But I don't want him to think I'm some prude.
43765,150,7,14,"Man, we've been saying ""so"" for a while."
43766,150,7,14,Yeah! Yeah!
43767,150,7,14,(both grunt)
43768,150,7,14,Yes!
43769,150,7,14,Tonight is going to be legen--
43770,150,7,14,"(imitating Lily): Wait, are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club?"
43771,150,7,14,"Shut up, Lily! I'm in charge now-- dary!"
43772,150,7,14,I've got no cell reception.
43773,150,7,14,I wanted to call Ted.
43774,150,7,14,This feels weird.
43775,150,7,14,The last time I lived this far from him was my semester abroad.
43776,150,7,14,You never did a semester abroad.
43777,150,7,14,That's what I called it when we lived on opposite sides of campus.
43778,150,7,14,Wrong!
43779,150,7,14,Please tell me you're not plugging that in there.
43780,150,7,14,"Yes, Mickey, that's exactly what I'm doing."
43781,150,7,14,"All right, fine. I won't say anything."
43782,150,7,14,"It's... just that this was my room when I growing up, so I know it a little better than you."
43783,150,7,14,Lot of great memories here.
43784,150,7,14,Mostly just discovering my body.
43785,150,7,14,That's it.
43786,150,7,14,"Mickey, since you got here, you've been nothing but judgmental and pushy and strangely obsessed with your adolescent s*x life."
43787,150,7,14,"Tomorrow morning, you're out of here."
43788,150,7,14,"Well, I-I've just been trying to help you..."
43789,150,7,14,We don't need your help!
43790,150,7,14,I...
43791,150,7,14,(door closes)
43792,150,7,14,"Oh, it-it's okay, baby."
43793,150,7,14,It had to be done.
43794,150,7,14,(sighs)
43795,150,7,14,(electrical buzzing)
43796,150,7,14,(beep)
43797,150,7,14,MICKEY (over intercom): Too bad the one person who could stop you from making mistakes like that was told he has to move out next month.
43798,150,7,14,Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
43799,150,7,14,Would either of you like a dance?
43800,150,7,14,(stammering)
43801,150,7,14,I'm always ready to rock.
43802,150,7,14,(chuckles)
43803,150,7,14,And I'm always ready to roll.
43804,150,7,14,So... So...
43805,150,7,14,I'm not ready to rock.
43806,150,7,14,Rolling makes me dizzy.
43807,150,7,14,"Hell, yeah! Yeah!"
43808,150,7,14,"I'm buying my man a lap dance, 'cause that's just how I do!"
43809,150,7,14,Party like a rock star!
43810,150,7,14,(trailing off): Party like a rock star...
43811,150,7,14,"Ted: Uh, hey, guys."
43812,150,7,14,It's Ted.
43813,150,7,14,Um... you're probably busy with the move still.
43814,150,7,14,Um...
43815,150,7,14,Give me a call if you want to gab.
43816,150,7,14,"Sorry about using the word ""gab."""
43817,150,7,14,"Ted, stop pining over Marshall and Lily."
43818,150,7,14,Have some self-respect.
43819,150,7,14,"Now, put this fiver in your mouth so... that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with..."
43820,150,7,14,Barney! Wh-what?
43821,150,7,14,"I'm allowed to miss them, okay?"
43822,150,7,14,They're my two best friends.
43823,150,7,14,I'm your two best friends!
43824,150,7,14,And we're here tonight to show you there's no need to miss something when you can replace it with something better.
43825,150,7,14,"Announcer: Gentlemen, say hello to J-J-J-Jasmine!"
43826,150,7,14,(Barney guffawing)
43827,150,7,14,Remember her?
43828,150,7,14,"Narrator: So, a while back, we discovered the most amazing thing: Lily had a doppelganger who was a Russian stripper."
43829,150,7,14,"Look at her, Ted."
43830,150,7,14,"She's just like old, less-good Lily, but instead of bossing us around, she shows us her boobs."
43831,150,7,14,No touching.
43832,150,7,14,"Okay, a little bossing us around."
43833,150,7,14,I call her Better Lily.
43834,150,7,14,"Hey, Better Lily, please dance for my friend."
43835,150,7,14,"Barney, I don't need a lap dance."
43836,150,7,14,I need to talk to my friends.
43837,150,7,14,Who says you can't do both?
43838,150,7,14,Talk to her. She's got ears.
43839,150,7,14,"Yes, she does have ears."
43840,150,7,14,You want to touch my girlfriend's boobs?
43841,150,7,14,50 bucks.
43842,150,7,14,Wait-- Better Lily is dating this behemoth?
43843,150,7,14,Sound like anyone you know?
43844,150,7,14,That's New Marshall.
43845,150,7,14,This is our gang now.
43846,150,7,14,"Hey, guys, Ted again."
43847,150,7,14,Starting to think you forgot about me.
43848,150,7,14,Or replaced me with some cool neighbor.
43849,150,7,14,What's his name?!
43850,150,7,14,(chuckling): I'm totally kidding.
43851,150,7,14,"Anyway, uh... just trying to remember what your faces look like."
43852,150,7,14,"Ted, when they serve alcohol at a strip club, you're not allowed to show your vagina."
43853,150,7,14,"100 bucks, and you will see the world, my friend."
43854,150,7,14,They're already ignoring my calls?
43855,150,7,14,"Look, I'm realistic."
43856,150,7,14,"I knew I'd have to get used to going to the dentist alone, but I didn't think they'd cut me out completely."
43857,150,7,14,"If they don't need us, we don't need them."
43858,150,7,14,Yes! Finally!
43859,150,7,14,"By the way, did you see how she opened that bottle?"
43860,150,7,14,Whoa.
43861,150,7,14,Lights out in the suburbs is... is really dark.
43862,150,7,14,Marshall: Where's the fuse box?
43863,150,7,14,Lily: I don't know.
43864,150,7,14,(beep)
43865,150,7,14,(singsongy): I know where it is.
43866,150,7,14,"Maybe I could fix it for you, if I wasn't so busy packing."
43867,150,7,14,Marshall: You know what?
43868,150,7,14,I bet the fuse box is in the basement.
43869,150,7,14,I'll just... I'll go find it myself.
43870,150,7,14,How hard can it be?
43871,150,7,14,(Marshall groans)
43872,150,7,14,As hard as that desk you just walked into?
43873,150,7,14,(guffawing)
43874,150,7,14,"Good burn, Mickey."
43875,150,7,14,You deserve a little nightstand fudge for that one.
43876,150,7,14,Kevin: Where do I look?
43877,150,7,14,"I mean, I can't look at her chest."
43878,150,7,14,Damn it! I just did.
43879,150,7,14,Maybe Robin didn't notice.
43880,150,7,14,"Man, he's really up in those jugs."
43881,150,7,14,"Shake it, baby!"
43882,150,7,14,A playa's gotta play!
43883,150,7,14,This is weird.
43884,150,7,14,I'll just look her in the eyes.
43885,150,7,14,Is he falling in love with this stripper?
43886,150,7,14,"Quick, do something cool."
43887,150,7,14,"Make it rain, son!"
43888,150,7,14,Money ain't no thang!
43889,150,7,14,"Damn it, there was a 20 in there."
43890,150,7,14,(chimes tinkling)
43891,150,7,14,"MICKEY (over intercom): Hello, Mr. Eriksen."
43892,150,7,14,"From the sound of the wind chimes, I hear you've made it to the first floor."
43893,150,7,14,"Okay... you know what, Mickey?"
43894,150,7,14,You can save the creepy game master routine.
43895,150,7,14,It's only kind of terrifying me.
43896,150,7,14,"Oh, but the game has just begun."
43897,150,7,14,"I call it ""Try Not to Bang into All the Furniture and Stuff on Your Way to the Fuse Box in the Basement, Marshall."""
43898,150,7,14,That's just a working title.
43899,150,7,14,Hey!
43900,150,7,14,"Got a little boob glitter on your eyebrow, Mac Daddy."
43901,150,7,14,Straight pimpin'.
43902,150,7,14,"Barney, you got a little bit, too."
43903,150,7,14,Where?
43904,150,7,14,Did I get it?
43905,150,7,14,"Yeah, you got it."
43906,150,7,14,Who needs Marshall and Lily?
43907,150,7,14,"We got a new gang, and we're all going to hang out together forever."
43908,150,7,14,My shift is done.
43909,150,7,14,Good-bye.
43910,150,7,14,"Wait, stop!"
43911,150,7,14,"Technically, this song's not over, so we still own you."
43912,150,7,14,Plus we're best friends!
43913,150,7,14,Where to next?
43914,150,7,14,We go to underground poker game in mostly-abandoned insane asylum.
43915,150,7,14,Yes!
43916,150,7,14,"This is gonna be awesome, and when it is, I want you all to remember who led you there: Barney Stinson, new group leader."
43917,150,7,14,(giggles)
43918,150,7,14,Yay!
43919,150,7,14,I'm winning all your chippies!
43920,150,7,14,Let's not drink when we're...
43921,150,7,14,I'm thirsty; it's good.
43922,150,7,14,It's good.
43923,150,7,14,(intercom beeps)
43924,150,7,14,"LILY (over intercom): Marshall, I just remembered I saw a box of matches in the drawer by the trash can."
43925,150,7,14,"Okay, thanks, baby."
43926,150,7,14,"Lily, I can't find them."
43927,150,7,14,Looking for these?
43928,150,7,14,(evil chuckle over intercom)
43929,150,7,14,"Oh, right, you can't see me."
43930,150,7,14,"Um, well, I'm burning the matches you so desperately need."
43931,150,7,14,(evil laugh)
43932,150,7,14,"Aah, ooh, ow!"
43933,150,7,14,(over intercom): Ow.
43934,150,7,14,Hah! Oh!
43935,150,7,14,(laughs)
43936,150,7,14,Mickey... guess who found the basement stairs?
43937,150,7,14,"I'll be down at that fuse box in no time, and when I get there, I'm sure that I'll figure out how fuse boxes work, so it'll be fine."
43938,150,7,14,"MICKEY (muffled): Hey, Marshall, I know I've been messing with you, but seriously, that second step, don't..."
43939,150,7,14,"I don't want to hear it, Mickey."
43940,150,7,14,(yells)
43941,150,7,14,(yelling and crashing)
43942,150,7,14,"Oh, my knee!"
43943,150,7,14,(cymbals crash)
43944,150,7,14,Ow!
43945,150,7,14,(sighs)
43946,150,7,14,And watch out for my drum set.
43947,150,7,14,I win again!
43948,150,7,14,I was bluffing.
43949,150,7,14,I didn't even have enough cards.
43950,150,7,14,"Ted, please stop winning."
43951,150,7,14,"Hey, look, it's the New York City skyline."
43952,150,7,14,"♪ We built Chip City Uh, uh!"
43953,150,7,14,♪ We built Chip City on all your dough ♪♪ Built Chip City Hit it!
43954,150,7,14,(high-pitched whine)
43955,150,7,14,You know Butterfly-knife.
43956,150,7,14,"I'd expect this from Face Tattoo... or Jagged Cheek Scar, or Larry, but not you."
43957,150,7,14,Why don't I get nickname?
43958,150,7,14,"Because you have too many things, Larry."
43959,150,7,14,You get one thing!
43960,150,7,14,(squeals)
43961,150,7,14,(speaking Russian)
43962,150,7,14,"See, that's why you bring New Marshall."
43963,150,7,14,(high-pitched laugh)
43964,150,7,14,We go to party in slaughterhouse.
43965,150,7,14,You come?
43966,150,7,14,"Please, God, no."
43967,150,7,14,(sobbing): Don't let me be in charge of the gang anymore.
43968,150,7,14,I can't believe Dr. Kevin doesn't remember me from our sessions three years ago.
43969,150,7,14,Is that the lunatic that stabbed all those prison guards?
43970,150,7,14,We gotta hit that party!
43971,150,7,14,(quietly): I'll never find love.
43972,150,7,14,We got to hit that party!
43973,150,7,14,BOTH (weakly): Sweet.
43974,150,7,14,Lily?
43975,150,7,14,I think we made a mistake moving out to the suburbs.
43976,150,7,14,I miss our home.
43977,150,7,14,I miss our booth with our friends.
43978,150,7,14,(cymbal crashes)
43979,150,7,14,And I'm pretty sure I have a drumstick... somewhere bad.
43980,150,7,14,"Dad, why are you acting like this?"
43981,150,7,14,"Well, I was just trying to be helpful, but you guys want me out by the Fourth of July."
43982,150,7,14,Tomorrow.
43983,150,7,14,(sighs)
43984,150,7,14,"You know what a helpful father, not to mention grandfather, might do?"
43985,150,7,14,Get these lights back on.
43986,150,7,14,(sighs quietly)
43987,150,7,14,(intercom beeps)
43988,150,7,14,"Okay, Marshall, listen up."
43989,150,7,14,I'm gonna get you to that fuse box.
43990,150,7,14,"Can't you just come down here and do it for me, please?"
43991,150,7,14,I don't know anything about this house.
43992,150,7,14,"No, Marshall... you don't know anything about your house."
43993,150,7,14,"All right, we got a lot of work to do."
43994,150,7,14,"Wait here, we get you on VPI list for party."
43995,150,7,14,"You give us, uh,"
43996,150,7,14,$200 per person.
43997,150,7,14,Cover charge.
43998,150,7,14,That's pretty steep for a cover charge.
43999,150,7,14,Is very good party.
44000,150,7,14,"Is party for, uh, New York ""Yunkees"" and Coca-Cola."
44001,150,7,14,"Oh, my God."
44002,150,7,14,A Coca-Cola Yankees party?
44003,150,7,14,That sounds like a real thing.
44004,150,7,14,"Okay, now, Marshall, take three steps forward, while ducking underneath the broken ceiling fan."
44005,150,7,14,Now look to your left and spit.
44006,150,7,14,"(spits, sizzles)"
44007,150,7,14,That's the water heater.
44008,150,7,14,Want to stay away from that.
44009,150,7,14,That baby is hotter than the Widow Rodriguez in a unitard.
44010,150,7,14,"Okay, now past the washer and dryer is the hardest part."
44011,150,7,14,You're gonna have to belly-crawl underneath the ping-pong table and don't so much as nudge it.
44012,150,7,14,Why not?
44013,150,7,14,Because there are
44014,150,7,14,900 dominos set up in the shape of Barbara Eden.
44015,150,7,14,"Big, big I Dream Of Jeannie fan."
44016,150,7,14,I'm clear.
44017,150,7,14,"(thud, dominos falling)"
44018,150,7,14,(dominos continue falling)
44019,150,7,14,"I don't know what that sound is, Mickey."
44020,150,7,14,That's the sound of Barbara Eden never banging me.
44021,150,7,14,That's what that is.
44022,150,7,14,"Dad, get it back."
44023,150,7,14,(quietly): Come on.
44024,150,7,14,(beep)
44025,150,7,14,"Okay, Marshall, take three steps forward, and you should be at the fuse box."
44026,150,7,14,Do you think he made it?
44027,150,7,14,I did it!
44028,150,7,14,"No, Marshall..."
44029,150,7,14,you did it.
44030,150,7,14,
44031,150,7,14,Narrator: Fun fact: that night inspired Mickey's one and only successful board game--
44032,150,7,14,♪ With splintery floorboards and rusty nails ♪
44033,150,7,14,♪ Make sure you don't get impaled ♪♪ Lites Out!
44034,150,7,14,Mickey: Brought to you by Aldrin Games!
44035,150,7,14,"Well, judging from how many clients that hooker has serviced, I'd say we've been here almost an hour."
44036,150,7,14,"Ted, we've been robbed."
44037,150,7,14,Better Lily and New Marshall would never rob us.
44038,150,7,14,They're our best friends.
44039,150,7,14,(squealing)
44040,150,7,14,(speaking Russian)
44041,150,7,14,"Damn it, Ted."
44042,150,7,14,New Marshall is an escaped zoo bear and the only thing that Better Lily is better at than our Lily is over-the-pants hand stuff.
44043,150,7,14,I'm assuming.
44044,150,7,14,I'll admit it.
44045,150,7,14,I can't lead this group.
44046,150,7,14,We need Marshall and Lily.
44047,150,7,14,"But they're gone, aren't they?"
44048,150,7,14,"I mean, it'll go from seeing them a couple times a week, to a couple times a month, and then it'll just be holiday parties."
44049,150,7,14,"Then the years pass, and you find out Marshall's dead, and you're there for Lily emotionally at first, but then it becomes sexual, and you feel guilty, but maybe that guilt just makes it dirtier and better..."
44050,150,7,14,"No, I won't let that happen."
44051,150,7,14,Especially that last part.
44052,150,7,14,"Look, I know I've been a little drunk and naive tonight, but here's what's gonna happen."
44053,150,7,14,"First, we're gonna leave a note for Better Lily and Arvydas, they're worriers."
44054,150,7,14,"Oh, buddy. Then, we're gonna go see Only Marshall and One-Of-A-Kind Lily because they're our best friends and they're only"
44055,150,7,14,46 minutes away.
44056,150,7,14,Are you with me?
44057,150,7,14,"Kind of resent the power grab, but okay, let's go!"
44058,150,7,14,"Hey, do you want to come to Long Island with us?"
44059,150,7,14,"Uh, well, still a few more hours before the sun comes up."
44060,150,7,14,Both: So...
44061,150,7,14,No. No?
44062,150,7,14,Is that bad?
44063,150,7,14,(exhales)
44064,150,7,14,"No, it's great."
44065,150,7,14,"Ooh, that felt so good."
44066,150,7,14,I hate doing things and going anywhere!
44067,150,7,14,"Oh, new experiences suck!"
44068,150,7,14,(laughing)
44069,150,7,14,"While we're at it, I hate high-fiving you!"
44070,150,7,14,I know.
44071,150,7,14,"We're adults who are sleeping together, not teens pledging a frat."
44072,150,7,14,"Oh, man, I really liked the high-five."
44073,150,7,14,"Narrator: The next morning, Marshall and Lily woke up to a surprise."
44074,150,7,14,(wind chimes clatter)
44075,150,7,14,"Hey, what are... what are you guys doing here?"
44076,150,7,14,Just wanted to make sure this key worked.
44077,150,7,14,(sighs)
44078,150,7,14,We missed you.
44079,150,7,14,Give mama a hug.
44080,150,7,14,All: Oh...
44081,150,7,14,Don't check your voicemail.
44082,150,7,14,Y-You might have a couple weird ones.
44083,150,7,14,You hear this?!
44084,150,7,14,This is the sound of me moving on.
44085,150,7,14,(whooping)
44086,150,7,14,(giggles)
44087,150,7,14,"Yeah, I'm a stripper."
44088,150,7,14,"Okay, who wants pancakes?"
44089,150,7,14,(gasps)
44090,150,7,14,Which two of you want pancakes?
44091,150,7,14,I'll make more.
44092,150,7,14,"Oh, good-good-good, 'cause I want pancakes."
44093,150,7,14,There you go.
44094,150,7,14,"Thank you, okay."
44095,150,7,14,Enjoy them.
44096,150,7,14,"Hey, honey, look, I'm sorry I was a jerk before."
44097,150,7,14,Okay? I'll leave right after breakfast.
44098,150,7,14,I'll crash with some friends.
44099,150,7,14,"Dad, you know what?"
44100,150,7,14,You can stay.
44101,150,7,14,"Oh, thank God."
44102,150,7,14,I got no friends.
44103,150,7,14,"I'll be here two weeks, tops."
44104,150,7,14,Narrator: It wasn't two weeks.
44105,150,7,14,Would the five of us always live within a few minutes of that booth?
44106,150,7,14,"No, that's life, kids, but here's what I discovered."
44107,150,7,14,Our booth was wherever the five of us were together.
44108,150,7,14,"That's right, Widow Rodriguez."
44109,150,7,14,Stretch it.
44110,150,7,14,Work those gams.
44111,150,7,14,"Ooh, yeah."
44112,150,7,14,Grab that left arm.
44113,150,7,14,Clutch that chest.
44114,150,7,14,Fall down really fast.
44115,151,7,15,"Dad, we need to talk."
44116,151,7,15,Is it about the bees?
44117,151,7,15,Bees? We're throwing a housewarming party in two weeks.
44118,151,7,15,Oh.
44119,151,7,15,"It's gonna be friends, neighbors..."
44120,151,7,15,"Did he say... did he say ""bees""?"
44121,151,7,15,"Yeah. Marshall's been working very long hours lately, so I have been planning this whole party by myself, and everything's in place: the food, the wine."
44122,151,7,15,I even found a rare Gouda on the Internet.
44123,151,7,15,Oh.
44124,151,7,15,Getting back to these bees...
44125,151,7,15,"Bottom line: this party is very important to me, so I can only assume--"
44126,151,7,15,and I say this with love--
44127,151,7,15,you're gonna ruin it.
44128,151,7,15,"Lily, I promise I won't ruin your party."
44129,151,7,15,I'll be charming and convivial.
44130,151,7,15,A regular Burt Reynolds.
44131,151,7,15,You have absolutely nothing to worry about.
44132,151,7,15,Tell us about the bees!
44133,151,7,15,"Well, all right, since you asked."
44134,151,7,15,"I'm starting up a business cultivating all-organic, artisanal honey."
44135,151,7,15,"That's right, I'm a job creator."
44136,151,7,15,Oh. So this party...
44137,151,7,15,"Oh, Lily, wait. Um, if you don't mind, I just, I have one follow-up."
44138,151,7,15,Where are you doing this exactly?
44139,151,7,15,"Downstairs-- there's 10,000 bees in the basement."
44140,151,7,15,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x14 ♪
44141,151,7,15,The Burning Beekeeper
44142,151,7,15,"Original Air Date on February 6, 2012"
44143,151,7,15,Ted: Why would you even say that?! It's the most ridic...
44144,151,7,15,Both: Happy housewarming!
44145,151,7,15,"Hey, guys."
44146,151,7,15,Robin here has spent all day learning how to make kugel.
44147,151,7,15,Couldn't figure it out--
44148,151,7,15,this is from Zabar's.
44149,151,7,15,Can we heat it up in your oven?
44150,151,7,15,Faster than heating it up in the refrigerator.
44151,151,7,15,(chuckles)
44152,151,7,15,I've had a few cocktails.
44153,151,7,15,and you might find yourself worrying if something's gonna go wrong.
44154,151,7,15,"Well, don't."
44155,151,7,15,What you should worry about is everything going wrong.
44156,151,7,15,And what's really scary is how quickly that can happen.
44157,151,7,15,"At Lily and Marshall's housewarming party for instance, it only took five minutes."
44158,151,7,15,"Now, a lot happened in those five minutes."
44159,151,7,15,You know what? I'm gonna take this room by room.
44160,151,7,15,We'll start in the living room.
44161,151,7,15,"Oh, no, that's not what you want."
44162,151,7,15,What?
44163,151,7,15,"Oh, nothing. So, you think this is going pretty well?"
44164,151,7,15,"Baby, are you kidding?"
44165,151,7,15,You single-handedly pulled off the party of the year.
44166,151,7,15,"Oh, stop it. I used both hands."
44167,151,7,15,"So, what can I do to help?"
44168,151,7,15,"Honey, this is your first night off in however long."
44169,151,7,15,You just relax and keep knocking back those cocktails.
44170,151,7,15,Mr. Cootes.
44171,151,7,15,"Hey, isn't it nice to finally have a night off?"
44172,151,7,15,It is. But tonight is not that night.
44173,151,7,15,We're going back to the office in 45 minutes.
44174,151,7,15,"But, sir, this is our housewarming party."
44175,151,7,15,"You know, Mother Earth is also having a ""housewarming"" party, too, only hers ends with humankind at the bottom of a rising ocean, passing through the digestive tract of a stingray."
44176,151,7,15,"By the way, it's a lovely home."
44177,151,7,15,"Mr. Cootes, I know you're a vegan, so I, uh, I got some vegan spring rolls for you over there."
44178,151,7,15,"Oh, nummies!"
44179,151,7,15,You're going back to work?
44180,151,7,15,"Sheez, Marshall, you are as busy as a..."
44181,151,7,15,"Oh, gosh, what are you as busy as?"
44182,151,7,15,Please don't talk about the bees.
44183,151,7,15,I was gonna say Nicolas Cage.
44184,151,7,15,That guy is in everything.
44185,151,7,15,Let's just put on some music.
44186,151,7,15,♪
44187,151,7,15,"I'll, uh, I'll bring out the Gouda, we'll open a couple bottles of wine... that are in the basement."
44188,151,7,15,"All right, I'll get my beekeeper's suit."
44189,151,7,15,You should be happy about the bees.
44190,151,7,15,They're keeping the mice at bay.
44191,151,7,15,We have mice?
44192,151,7,15,"Not with all these bees flying around, we don't."
44193,151,7,15,You're welcome.
44194,151,7,15,"Ted, baby Gouda's coming out. Look alive."
44195,151,7,15,Are you a vegan?
44196,151,7,15,What?
44197,151,7,15,Ooh-ee!
44198,151,7,15,"Kitchen, now."
44199,151,7,15,I can't believe that he's making us go to work tonight.
44200,151,7,15,Are... you... a... vegan?
44201,151,7,15,"Um, no."
44202,151,7,15,"Uh-huh. And when you were shoveling the spring rolls down your gullet, did you happen to notice a little sign next to the plate marked ""Vegan""?"
44203,151,7,15,I think there's been some mistake.
44204,151,7,15,You could have had anything on that table!
44205,151,7,15,Anything at all!
44206,151,7,15,"Mini pizzas, bacon-wrapped figs, pigs in blankets."
44207,151,7,15,There was even talk of an inbound Gouda!
44208,151,7,15,"But no, no, you had to have the one thing that someone with my dietary preferences can eat."
44209,151,7,15,"Look, I didn't eat the spring rolls."
44210,151,7,15,Liar!
44211,151,7,15,Your breath reeks of shredded carrots and deceit!
44212,151,7,15,"Okay, okay, maybe I did eat your precious spring rolls."
44213,151,7,15,Oh...
44214,151,7,15,"What are you gonna do about it, hippie?"
44215,151,7,15,(woman screams)
44216,151,7,15,It's fine. Everything's fine.
44217,151,7,15,"Young man, are you suggesting fisticuffs... as in with our fists?"
44218,151,7,15,And feet--
44219,151,7,15,I'm a kicker.
44220,151,7,15,"Well, well, looks like I just started eating white meat again."
44221,151,7,15,I will bite and scratch you like a wolverine.
44222,151,7,15,"May I warn you, I have been in a fight before."
44223,151,7,15,So have I... sort of.
44224,151,7,15,"Oh, God."
44225,151,7,15,Mr. Cootes. Hi.
44226,151,7,15,Did you see that we had hummus and veggies?
44227,151,7,15,There's hummus and veggies?
44228,151,7,15,Over there.
44229,151,7,15,"Hey, I'm not gonna let that guy push me around."
44230,151,7,15,"I believe it was Sun Tzu who wrote, ""Never give up."
44231,151,7,15,"Never surrender."""
44232,151,7,15,"Shut up, Ted. Okay."
44233,151,7,15,"For God's sake, Lily, you're pregnant."
44234,151,7,15,"For God's sake, Te Lily's pregnant."
44235,151,7,15,(groans)
44236,151,7,15,"Oh, man."
44237,151,7,15,Sorry about that.
44238,151,7,15,"I don't need this right now, Ted."
44239,151,7,15,I shouldn't do this.
44240,151,7,15,I shouldn't do this.
44241,151,7,15,What?
44242,151,7,15,This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea!
44243,151,7,15,What is?
44244,151,7,15,I should just go. I should just go!
44245,151,7,15,"Okay, okay, just tell me what is going on."
44246,151,7,15,"I love my pen1s, Robin."
44247,151,7,15,"Oh, Barney, you promised."
44248,151,7,15,I do! I love it!
44249,151,7,15,"If I could kiss it, I would."
44250,151,7,15,I'd be lying if I told you I hadn't tried.
44251,151,7,15,I'm not comfortable with this conversation.
44252,151,7,15,"Oh, come on, Robin, it's my pen1s we're talking about."
44253,151,7,15,You've seen her-- she's magnificent.
44254,151,7,15,She?
44255,151,7,15,"Every pen1s is a girl, Robin. Everyone knows that."
44256,151,7,15,Like... ships and lake monsters.
44257,151,7,15,And Gouda!
44258,151,7,15,She's a beauta.
44259,151,7,15,"Oh, Gouda."
44260,151,7,15,"Well, I'll be back."
44261,151,7,15,"Most of me, anyway."
44262,151,7,15,Don't eat that.
44263,151,7,15,What?
44264,151,7,15,"Whoops! Oh, it's ruined."
44265,151,7,15,It's not ruined. Ten second rule.
44266,151,7,15,"Eight, nine, ten, and it's ruined."
44267,151,7,15,This whole party's ruined.
44268,151,7,15,"I got a basement full of bees, and Ted almost got into a fight with Mr. Cootes."
44269,151,7,15,"Lily, look around."
44270,151,7,15,Everyone's having an amazing time.
44271,151,7,15,It's a great party.
44272,151,7,15,"Okay, maybe it's not a total disaster."
44273,151,7,15,(Mickey screaming)
44274,151,7,15,What the hell was that?!
44275,151,7,15,(screaming)
44276,151,7,15,Narrator: So that's what happened in the living room.
44277,151,7,15,Now I'm gonna tell you what happened in the dining room.
44278,151,7,15,"Oh, no, that's not what you want."
44279,151,7,15,"Man, I can't believe these are vegan."
44280,151,7,15,"I've had, like, 20 of 'em."
44281,151,7,15,I should get the name of this caterer.
44282,151,7,15,It's my kitten's Bat Mitzvah next week.
44283,151,7,15,She's finally becoming a cat.
44284,151,7,15,"Oh, God, you are crazy."
44285,151,7,15,About cats.
44286,151,7,15,Cats are so honest and real with their affections.
44287,151,7,15,"Ever since my divorce, it's just been one liar after another."
44288,151,7,15,"That's why it's so refreshing to meet someone honest like you, Special Agent Gary Powers."
44289,151,7,15,Listen...
44290,151,7,15,I think we can agree there's something here.
44291,151,7,15,Something big... that looks and probably feels real.
44292,151,7,15,Maybe... we can go back to your place.
44293,151,7,15,I can't ask you to delay intercepting those asteroids.
44294,151,7,15,I do need to intercept those asteroids.
44295,151,7,15,I think we need to have s*x right now.
44296,151,7,15,Meet me in the upstairs guest bedroom in two minutes.
44297,151,7,15,(both chuckle)
44298,151,7,15,I'm just looking for the vegan spring rolls.
44299,151,7,15,"Last one, sorry."
44300,151,7,15,Two minutes.
44301,151,7,15,How can they all be gone? The party just started.
44302,151,7,15,"I know, right?"
44303,151,7,15,Let's just put on some music.
44304,151,7,15,♪
44305,151,7,15,"I'll, uh, I'll bring out the Gouda, we'll open a couple of bottles of wine... that are in the basement."
44306,151,7,15,Some jerk was just here.
44307,151,7,15,"And he was all, like, ""I can't believe these are vegan."
44308,151,7,15,"I've had, like, 20 of 'em."""
44309,151,7,15,Point me into the direction of this scoundrel.
44310,151,7,15,Um... it was that guy.
44311,151,7,15,"Ted, baby Gouda's coming out. Look alive."
44312,151,7,15,"Lily, these spring rolls... ooh-ee!"
44313,151,7,15,"Kitchen, now."
44314,151,7,15,I can't believe that he's making us go to work tonight.
44315,151,7,15,"I mean, I think it's time that somebody took him aside and told him this is not how you treat your staff."
44316,151,7,15,"Well, I'm sort of busy with the party right now."
44317,151,7,15,"Fine. I'll do it myself. But he's gonna scream at me, and you know that I can't stand up to screaming."
44318,151,7,15,Just go talk to him! I think I should go talk to him.
44319,151,7,15,"Barney... Ah, Lily, Ted ate all of the spring rolls."
44320,151,7,15,You could have had anything on that table!
44321,151,7,15,"Mini pizzas, bacon-wrapped figs, pigs in blankets."
44322,151,7,15,There was even talk of an inbound Gouda!
44323,151,7,15,"Robin. Okay, listen, I need your help."
44324,151,7,15,"I'm about to get in a screaming match with my boss, and I'm not good at getting screamed at, so I need you to warm me up."
44325,151,7,15,How? I want you to scream at me.
44326,151,7,15,"You know, like you do to strangers on the street at the slightest provocation."
44327,151,7,15,I don't do that.
44328,151,7,15,"Come on, lay some of that classic Scherbatsky mean son of a bitch on me."
44329,151,7,15,Treat me like I'm a Girl Scout trying to sell you cookies.
44330,151,7,15,Four dollars a box and you're out of Thin Mints?!
44331,151,7,15,You green little...! I don't do that!
44332,151,7,15,"Come on, scream at me."
44333,151,7,15,(woman screams)
44334,151,7,15,Like that.
44335,151,7,15,It's fine. Everything's fine.
44336,151,7,15,"Marshall, there is plenty of stuff that I don't get mad about, like the fact that you're serving pigs in blankets without hot mustard."
44337,151,7,15,I'm not the type of person to be driven crazy by a host who refuses to provide delicious hot mustard in which to dip my pigs in blankets!
44338,151,7,15,I'm the type of girl who... keeps her cool.
44339,151,7,15,Who keeps her cool.
44340,151,7,15,"Wait. Whoa, baby, are you okay?"
44341,151,7,15,Of course. This party is great.
44342,151,7,15,"I am handling this. Oh, God."
44343,151,7,15,No...
44344,151,7,15,Hummus and veggies?
44345,151,7,15,I'm looking for hummus and veggies.
44346,151,7,15,"Robin, can I talk to you about something very dear to me?"
44347,151,7,15,Promise me this isn't about your pen1s.
44348,151,7,15,I promise it isn't about my pen1s.
44349,151,7,15,I'm sorry.
44350,151,7,15,"Excuse me, sir, could I talk to you in the kitchen?"
44351,151,7,15,Sorry about that.
44352,151,7,15,"I don't need this right now, Ted."
44353,151,7,15,"I swear, if there's one more crisis..."
44354,151,7,15,"Well, the bees escaped their enclosure, but no reason to ""bee"" concerned."
44355,151,7,15,(laughs)
44356,151,7,15,"No, there is, we're in big trouble."
44357,151,7,15,What is that smell?
44358,151,7,15,"Oh, I doused my suit with kerosene."
44359,151,7,15,All beekeepers do this.
44360,151,7,15,"Dad, just take off the suit right now."
44361,151,7,15,"All right, fine."
44362,151,7,15,"Every 30 seconds, there's another crisis that needs to be dealt with and I have to deal with it."
44363,151,7,15,"This is... Oh, God."
44364,151,7,15,"This is parenthood, isn't it?"
44365,151,7,15,So they say.
44366,151,7,15,"Okay, it's official."
44367,151,7,15,"I thought I could do it, but I can't."
44368,151,7,15,"No, Marshall's always at work."
44369,151,7,15,He's got to go back tonight.
44370,151,7,15,And I don't know if I can handle a life that's just one crisis after another.
44371,151,7,15,"Lily, listen to me. I'm gonna give you a little piece of..."
44372,151,7,15,Gouda!
44373,151,7,15,God.
44374,151,7,15,Crisis? Crisis.
44375,151,7,15,Don't eat that. Whoops!
44376,151,7,15,What?
44377,151,7,15,"Gouda's out, Ted. Don't sleep on the Gouda."
44378,151,7,15,Wouldn't dream of it.
44379,151,7,15,So Lily told me you have to go back to work tonight?
44380,151,7,15,"No, I don't have to go back to work tonight."
44381,151,7,15,Mr. Cootes and I came to an understanding.
44382,151,7,15,"But, hey, what's going on with Robin?"
44383,151,7,15,I called her a mean son of a bitch and she took it all weird.
44384,151,7,15,She did?
44385,151,7,15,Yeah.
44386,151,7,15,"Crazy, right?"
44387,151,7,15,"Hey, buddy."
44388,151,7,15,Best housewarming party ever.
44389,151,7,15,Everybody's abuzz.
44390,151,7,15,Abuzz.
44391,151,7,15,"Oh, good one, Mickey."
44392,151,7,15,"But, hey, you're right."
44393,151,7,15,Great party.
44394,151,7,15,(man screaming)
44395,151,7,15,What the hell was that?!
44396,151,7,15,(man screaming)
44397,151,7,15,
44398,151,7,15,Narrator: And that's what happened in the dining room.
44399,151,7,15,Now I'm gonna tell you what happened in the kitchen.
44400,151,7,15,"Oh, no, that's not what you want."
44401,151,7,15,"Barney: Man, I can't believe these are vegan."
44402,151,7,15,Back to our fight?
44403,151,7,15,Back to our fight.
44404,151,7,15,I cannot believe you screamed at that woman at Zabar's.
44405,151,7,15,She was trying to cut in line.
44406,151,7,15,She was gonna get the last kugel.
44407,151,7,15,She was 90 years old.
44408,151,7,15,It was probably gonna be her last kugel.
44409,151,7,15,"Sometimes in life, you have to be assertive and stand up for yourself."
44410,151,7,15,You called her a whore.
44411,151,7,15,Who wears that much makeup?!
44412,151,7,15,Old ladies!
44413,151,7,15,Who take money for s*x. Exactly.
44414,151,7,15,"Look, I'm sorry."
44415,151,7,15,"If I would've left things in your dainty, lily-white, never-ripped-"
44416,151,7,15,"an-old-lady's-wig-off hands, we would be kugel-free right now."
44417,151,7,15,"Oh, so, what, I'm too nice?"
44418,151,7,15,You never stand up for yourself.
44419,151,7,15,Remember that sixth grader who kept stealing your lunch?
44420,151,7,15,"High school was a tough time for me, okay?"
44421,151,7,15,And that girl was muscular.
44422,151,7,15,Forearms like Popeye.
44423,151,7,15,How do you even know about that?
44424,151,7,15,Marshall told me. He also said that you had your mom stop making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because of that girl's nut allergy.
44425,151,7,15,I didn't want to add to her health problems.
44426,151,7,15,She was already in a wheelchair.
44427,151,7,15,"Okay, so what?"
44428,151,7,15,"I would rather be nice than be like you, always getting in fights about stuff that's not even worth fighting about."
44429,151,7,15,Disagree.
44430,151,7,15,"It's like Sun Tzu wrote in The Art of War,"
44431,151,7,15,"""Never give up. Never surrender."""
44432,151,7,15,That was Tim Allen in Galaxy Quest.
44433,151,7,15,"Whatever, dude."
44434,151,7,15,"Your problem is any time you're faced with the least bit of confrontation, you run away."
44435,151,7,15,"Oh, I run away from confrontation?"
44436,151,7,15,"Ted, baby Gouda's coming out."
44437,151,7,15,Look alive.
44438,151,7,15,Whoops. Son of a...!
44439,151,7,15,I'm sorry.
44440,151,7,15,(clears throat)
44441,151,7,15,Maybe that was my fault.
44442,151,7,15,You think?
44443,151,7,15,You're right in my snack track.
44444,151,7,15,"Hey, nice beekeeper suit."
44445,151,7,15,"Do you know that, uh, most bees are left-handed?"
44446,151,7,15,Did you know bees hate the smell of kerosene?
44447,151,7,15,"I knew that. Geez, what do you think, this is my first day as a beekeeper?"
44448,151,7,15,Nice. Oh.
44449,151,7,15,(bees buzzing) Is that true about bees and kerosene?
44450,151,7,15,I don't know.
44451,151,7,15,Barney...
44452,151,7,15,"Ah, Lily, Ted ate all of the spring rolls."
44453,151,7,15,"Barney, that woman you were talking to, our neighbor Geraldine, some guy slept with her and didn't call her, so she hunted him down and cut off a certain part of his anatomy with a cheese knife."
44454,151,7,15,(gasps)
44455,151,7,15,"So, whatever you do, don't sleep with her."
44456,151,7,15,"It's funny, she is, um, waiting for me in the guest bedroom right now."
44457,151,7,15,"Oh, God! Oh, God!"
44458,151,7,15,"That was the idea, but now forget it!"
44459,151,7,15,"Barney, this is a disaster."
44460,151,7,15,"I swear, if there is one... (gasps)"
44461,151,7,15,It's fine. Everything's fine.
44462,151,7,15,"Hey, ten second rule, right?"
44463,151,7,15,(Lily screams)
44464,151,7,15,It's fine. Everything's fine.
44465,151,7,15,Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
44466,151,7,15,"I know you're pregnant, but you need a glass of wine."
44467,151,7,15,I got that cheese off the Internet.
44468,151,7,15,I know you got it off the Internet.
44469,151,7,15,Why does that make it impressive?
44470,151,7,15,You know what else you can find on the Internet?
44471,151,7,15,Zoo animals masturbating.
44472,151,7,15,There's one of a walrus.
44473,151,7,15,(chuckles)
44474,151,7,15,He's...
44475,151,7,15,Oh.
44476,151,7,15,(groans)
44477,151,7,15,(mutters)
44478,151,7,15,(gasps)
44479,151,7,15,(panting)
44480,151,7,15,No...
44481,151,7,15,(bees buzzing)
44482,151,7,15,(panting)
44483,151,7,15,"Excuse me, sir, could I talk to you in the kitchen?"
44484,151,7,15,(sighs)
44485,151,7,15,(clears throat)
44486,151,7,15,"Mr. Cootes, I am not going back to work tonight."
44487,151,7,15,"Oh, no, she didn't just say that."
44488,151,7,15,(laughs)
44489,151,7,15,"Mickey, could we just have a minute?"
44490,151,7,15,"Oh, yeah. Sure."
44491,151,7,15,"Marshall, look, I know when you started with this firm, it was all fun and games."
44492,151,7,15,The office chair races were particularly spirited.
44493,151,7,15,"Until, of course, Gail went down the stairs."
44494,151,7,15,"But for one brief moment, boy, did she fly."
44495,151,7,15,(sighs)
44496,151,7,15,"I'm not here, I'm not here."
44497,151,7,15,"Mr. Cootes, you're working yourself to death."
44498,151,7,15,Just cut loose a little.
44499,151,7,15,"Have a beer, find a hobby."
44500,151,7,15,"Look, son, it's very simple."
44501,151,7,15,"Um, Mother Earth doesn't get a night off."
44502,151,7,15,Neither do you.
44503,151,7,15,"Well, then I quit."
44504,151,7,15,And I don't know if I can handle a life that's just one crisis after another.
44505,151,7,15,"Lily, listen to me. I'm gonna give you a little piece of..."
44506,151,7,15,Gouda!
44507,151,7,15,Maybe he's right.
44508,151,7,15,Maybe I do need a hobby.
44509,151,7,15,"Well, hey, how about beekeeping?"
44510,151,7,15,Me? No. I-I don't know the first thing about bees.
44511,151,7,15,You want to know a secret?
44512,151,7,15,Neither do I.
44513,151,7,15,It's not a secret.
44514,151,7,15,Let me try this thing on.
44515,151,7,15,I'm gonna give you some privacy.
44516,151,7,15,"All right, thank you."
44517,151,7,15,Okay.
44518,151,7,15,"Hey, buddy."
44519,151,7,15,Best housewarming party ever.
44520,151,7,15,Everybody's abuzz.
44521,151,7,15,"(bees buzzing, timer beeping)"
44522,151,7,15,"Okay, maybe it's not a total disaster."
44523,151,7,15,Great party.
44524,151,7,15,(screaming)
44525,151,7,15,(screaming continues)
44526,151,7,15,"Oh, my God. Oh!"
44527,151,7,15,"Oh, Mr. Cootes!"
44528,151,7,15,"Mr. Cootes, are you okay?!"
44529,151,7,15,That was amazing!
44530,151,7,15,Did you see me?!
44531,151,7,15,I flew through the air like a human fireball and didn't get a scratch.
44532,151,7,15,"Eat your heart out, Gail!"
44533,151,7,15,(laughs)
44534,151,7,15,"God, I feel so alive!"
44535,151,7,15,I want to drink a beer.
44536,151,7,15,"Oh, yeah."
44537,151,7,15,"Okay, one beer, coming right up."
44538,151,7,15,"Oh, and, uh, Marshall, I think we'll take the night off tonight, okay?"
44539,151,7,15,"Sounds good, yeah."
44540,151,7,15,But I'll see you Monday?
44541,151,7,15,Of course.
44542,151,7,15,Yeah.
44543,151,7,15,(sighs)
44544,151,7,15,"You know, Robin, I've been thinking about it."
44545,151,7,15,Guess it's kind of nice you're such a badass.
44546,151,7,15,"It's pretty badass you're so nice, Ted."
44547,151,7,15,Was I supposed to close the basement door?
44548,151,7,15,(bees buzzing)
44549,151,7,15,"God, this feels so right!"
44550,151,7,15,(chuckles)
44551,151,7,15,We're so great together.
44552,151,7,15,I want to spend every minute of every day with you.
44553,151,7,15,I never let you out of my sight for one second.
44554,151,7,15,"Not one second, not one second. I don't!"
44555,151,7,15,(chuckles)
44556,151,7,15,"Oh, God!"
44557,151,7,15,My last lover was not like this.
44558,151,7,15,He was the worst!
44559,151,7,15,"Do you know, he didn't even come to my cat's bris."
44560,151,7,15,"I mean, what?"
44561,151,7,15,"Well, we showed him."
44562,151,7,15,"Yes, we did."
44563,151,7,15,"Let's just say, the punishment fit the crime."
44564,151,7,15,I can't wait to tell everybody that we're boyfriend and girlfriend!
44565,151,7,15,(bees buzzing)
44566,151,7,15,Let's do it tonight.
44567,151,7,15,"No, it's Lily and Marshall's party."
44568,151,7,15,We'll wait.
44569,151,7,15,We can do it at Mittens and Mr. Pepper's wedding.
44570,151,7,15,(bees buzzing)
44571,151,7,15,Or maybe something...
44572,152,7,16,Sorry this is taking so long.
44573,152,7,16,He kicked for everybody else.
44574,152,7,16,It's hard for the little guy to perform under pressure.
44575,152,7,16,Top ten things Marshall said on his wedding night.
44576,152,7,16,(laughter)
44577,152,7,16,"Whoa! It was small, but I think I felt something."
44578,152,7,16,Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night.
44579,152,7,16,"Stop laughing at it, Lily."
44580,152,7,16,All: Top ten things Marshall said on his wedding night!
44581,152,7,16,Can we please talk about something other than my wedding night?
44582,152,7,16,Absolutely. Let's talk about last night.
44583,152,7,16,It was a night like any other.
44584,152,7,16,I was just about to get laid...
44585,152,7,16,"Hey, Barney, I need your help."
44586,152,7,16,"This hottie I'm talking to is meeting her friend at a club, so I need a wingman."
44587,152,7,16,"Well, just so you know, I'd be giving up a sure thing here."
44588,152,7,16,Hey!
44589,152,7,16,Are you not a sure thing?
44590,152,7,16,"Yeah, I am."
44591,152,7,16,"This ""friend"" of yours better be even hotter and dumber than this one."
44592,152,7,16,Wow! You have Enormous pen1s Syndrome?
44593,152,7,16,I've never heard of that. Yeah.
44594,152,7,16,That's the problem with E.P.S.: lack of awareness.
44595,152,7,16,That's why I'm organizing a 10K fun-run.
44596,152,7,16,"Of course, many of us will need wheelbarrows."
44597,152,7,16,You are so brave.
44598,152,7,16,And you are so understanding.
44599,152,7,16,Most people just stare at me like I'm some kind of freak in reinforced underwear.
44600,152,7,16,"Poor, baby."
44601,152,7,16,I can't imagine what you're going through because I never wear underwear.
44602,152,7,16,(coughs) Jackpot!
44603,152,7,16,You want to get out of here?
44604,152,7,16,"Oh, I don't know. This is all moving kind of fast. Okay."
44605,152,7,16,"Oh, but before we go, I should mention my condition."
44606,152,7,16,It's called: I'm Not a Gullible Dumbass Disorder.
44607,152,7,16,"Okay, just stop."
44608,152,7,16,You have no chance with me.
44609,152,7,16,We're just here as backups for our friends.
44610,152,7,16,"Hey, how did you two meet, anyway?"
44611,152,7,16,"No, we're not doing that first date dance where you pretend everything I say is fascinating, thinking it'll somehow get you into my pants."
44612,152,7,16,What? Guys don't do that!
44613,152,7,16,Goat cheese? Fascinating!
44614,152,7,16,"What else are you allergic to, huh?"
44615,152,7,16,"You owe me three hours for last night, Mosby."
44616,152,7,16,"I'm thinking, laser tag tournament in Newark this weekend."
44617,152,7,16,"Ted can pass for under 18, right?"
44618,152,7,16,It's a father-son thing.
44619,152,7,16,"Marshall, we should get going. Any later, and we'll be riding the Drunk Train. Oh."
44620,152,7,16,The Drunk Train?
44621,152,7,16,It's the last train of the night back to Long Island. It's a mess.
44622,152,7,16,"Lily: Just a bunch of drunk, sloppy idiots, fresh off a night of partying in the city, just desperate to hook up with anything that moves."
44623,152,7,16,Yeah. Bye.
44624,152,7,16,Marshall: See you.
44625,152,7,16,"New plan, Ted."
44626,152,7,16,So this father-son thing.
44627,152,7,16,"You know, a backwards baseball cap really youngs me down."
44628,152,7,16,All aboard!
44629,152,7,16,"(train chugging, train whistle toots)"
44630,152,7,16,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x16 ♪
44631,152,7,16,The Drunk Train
44632,152,7,16,"Original Air Date on February 13, 2012"
44633,152,7,16,"Narrator: For Valentine's weekend, Lily and Marshall invited Kevin and Robin on a couple's getaway to Vermont."
44634,152,7,16,Both: Mmm.
44635,152,7,16,"16 years together, and still so in love."
44636,152,7,16,Marshall: Mm. What's your secret?
44637,152,7,16,The key to relationships is understanding the difference between hearing and listening.
44638,152,7,16,It's about respecting your partner's...
44639,152,7,16,Opinions on...
44640,152,7,16,"Hey, shh, shh, shh. Kind of on a roll here."
44641,152,7,16,"Relationships are a give and take, and that's why it's important to never keep score."
44642,152,7,16,"Lily: Yeah, like how Barney's holding these three hours over Ted's head."
44643,152,7,16,"If they were a couple, they'd never work."
44644,152,7,16,"Obviously. Ted's a Taurus, and Barney is such a Scorpio."
44645,152,7,16,Good advice. Don't keep score.
44646,152,7,16,They're not even close to finished.
44647,152,7,16,"How do we not keep score, you ask?"
44648,152,7,16,Huh. Hm.
44649,152,7,16,"Sounds like somebody want to hear some examples, sweetie."
44650,152,7,16,Mm-hmm.
44651,152,7,16,I'm just gonna close my eyes until it's all over.
44652,152,7,16,Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night.
44653,152,7,16,Solid.
44654,152,7,16,Here's one.
44655,152,7,16,"Every time Marshall's mom comes to visit us,"
44656,152,7,16,we have to put out all the tacky Minnesota gifts
44657,152,7,16,she's bought us over the years.
44658,152,7,16,"Hi, Mom! Hi, Mrs. Eriksen!"
44659,152,7,16,Marshall.
44660,152,7,16,Uh-huh. I don't see the gopher-hair tea cozy I made you.
44661,152,7,16,(sighs) Guess it wasn't good enough for Lily.
44662,152,7,16,"But I'd never hold that over Marshall, because if I did, he'd owe me big-time."
44663,152,7,16,Just like I would never hold it over you for dragging me to that experimental theater piece.
44664,152,7,16,(woman screaming onstage)
44665,152,7,16,"(sustained, intense screaming)"
44666,152,7,16,Is it... is it just screaming?
44667,152,7,16,But we don't keep score.
44668,152,7,16,"Gotcha, loud and clear. Don't keep score."
44669,152,7,16,"Because if we did, then Marshall would owe me for killing my cousin's dog."
44670,152,7,16,How did I know that he would eat my wallet?
44671,152,7,16,Why was your wallet filled with chocolate?!
44672,152,7,16,So we're back to this argument!
44673,152,7,16,"Narrator: That night, Barney and I found ourselves in a strange, new universe called..."
44674,152,7,16,The Drunk Train.
44675,152,7,16,Hey!
44676,152,7,16,Where has this heavenly vehicle been all my life?
44677,152,7,16,"Can you hear its inspiring chant, Ted?"
44678,152,7,16,"I think I can get laid, I think I can get laid."
44679,152,7,16,"It's-it's The Little Engine with Wood, The Whore-ient Express."
44680,152,7,16,The Long Island Tail Road!
44681,152,7,16,"Oh, I got one."
44682,152,7,16,Thomas the Spank Engine!
44683,152,7,16,"Ted, that is a children's book."
44684,152,7,16,(bottle shattering)
44685,152,7,16,"Okay, as fun as this place is, it's late."
44686,152,7,16,"So, what's our play?"
44687,152,7,16,"And don't say, ""The Siamese Twins"""""
44688,152,7,16,We're not stretching out another one of my jackets.
44689,152,7,16,"No, dude, this is the Drunk Train."
44690,152,7,16,We don't need a play!
44691,152,7,16,"All we have to do is sit back, play it cool, scope out the hotties, and by the end of the line, we will totally be sleeping with someone."
44692,152,7,16,(both snoring)
44693,152,7,16,(bottle smashing)
44694,152,7,16,"You know, you are so great."
44695,152,7,16,"You sat there listening to Marshall and Lily bicker all night, and you didn't complain once."
44696,152,7,16,"Well, I am a therapist, so I do plan on billing them."
44697,152,7,16,I also have a couple powerful medications that might help.
44698,152,7,16,Lily can't take anything; she's pregnant.
44699,152,7,16,I meant for us.
44700,152,7,16,"If we're getting through five more meals and a sleigh ride with those guys, we need to be spaced out of our gourds."
44701,152,7,16,"Well, if we are keeping score, I owe you one weekend, mister."
44702,152,7,16,I was thinking a little longer than that.
44703,152,7,16,What do you mean?
44704,152,7,16,"Robin, will you marry me?"
44705,152,7,16,"Look, I know this is fast."
44706,152,7,16,I'm just excited to start a life with you.
44707,152,7,16,If that's what you want.
44708,152,7,16,Wow.
44709,152,7,16,Um...
44710,152,7,16,I'm-I'm not saying no.
44711,152,7,16,I'm-I'm not saying anything.
44712,152,7,16,"I just, um... I-I need some time to think."
44713,152,7,16,I totally understand.
44714,152,7,16,"Um, take as much time as you need."
44715,152,7,16,"I'll just, uh... I'll just keep this here until you're ready."
44716,152,7,16,(laughs)
44717,152,7,16,(sighs)
44718,152,7,16,Any chance we could put that bad boy away for now?
44719,152,7,16,"It's really just staring at us, isn't it?"
44720,152,7,16,(panting): Ted! Ted! Ted!
44721,152,7,16,I thought of some new great names for the Drunk Train.
44722,152,7,16,Slamtrak!
44723,152,7,16,Uh-huh.
44724,152,7,16,The Chatta-Nookie Choo-Choo!
44725,152,7,16,Thomas the Spank Engine! I said that one yesterday.
44726,152,7,16,(in high-pitched voice): I don't think you did.
44727,152,7,16,Wow. Someone's had some coffee.
44728,152,7,16,Yeah. 18 cups!
44729,152,7,16,There is no way I'm falling asleep tonight!
44730,152,7,16,That Quinn girl is so wrong.
44731,152,7,16,"She said I could never love anything, but I love this train!"
44732,152,7,16,She said you could never love anything? That's intense.
44733,152,7,16,"Oh, you have no idea."
44734,152,7,16,Stop staring. Not gonna happen.
44735,152,7,16,Is there any way we can start over and get to know each other?
44736,152,7,16,"I already know you. Oh, really?"
44737,152,7,16,You wear a suit all the time.
44738,152,7,16,Obviously.
44739,152,7,16,You have a stupid rule about everything.
44740,152,7,16,"I pay for the meal, you handle my deal."
44741,152,7,16,That's just good manners.
44742,152,7,16,"But you end most nights alone at a strip club, feeling empty inside, telling yourself your life is somehow epic or classic or... legendary."
44743,152,7,16,I never say epic or classic.
44744,152,7,16,(laughs)
44745,152,7,16,Do you practice the dark arts?
44746,152,7,16,"No, they did not forget the potato salad in your takeout order!"
44747,152,7,16,(mimes mind exploding)
44748,152,7,16,Wh-What happened next?!
44749,152,7,16,"For the last time, I'm sorry."
44750,152,7,16,It's okay.
44751,152,7,16,Your debt is paid.
44752,152,7,16,You don't have to come on the Drunk Train anymore.
44753,152,7,16,"You're never gonna meet the one there, anyway."
44754,152,7,16,"Oh, screw the one!"
44755,152,7,16,What?
44756,152,7,16,Every date I've been on lately has been brutal.
44757,152,7,16,"Last week, I went out with a girl whose favorite band was Glee."
44758,152,7,16,"Plus, it's almost Valentine's Day, and I'm alone without anything close to a girlfriend."
44759,152,7,16,So... all aboard!
44760,152,7,16,I have never been more proud of you.
44761,152,7,16,Come on.
44762,152,7,16,"Ted, tonight is gonna be epic--"
44763,152,7,16,wait for it-- dary! Wait.
44764,152,7,16,"No, that's not it."
44765,152,7,16,How do I usually say it? I hate this Quinn girl!
44766,152,7,16,"Well, I propose we order a bottle of wine."
44767,152,7,16,(whispers loudly): Propose!
44768,152,7,16,Not propose. Suggest.
44769,152,7,16,"I'm not married to the idea. Lily, take it."
44770,152,7,16,Why don't we get an appetizer?
44771,152,7,16,How about the... onion rings?
44772,152,7,16,"I mean, diamond rings."
44773,152,7,16,"I mean, diamond circles."
44774,152,7,16,"I mean, onion circles."
44775,152,7,16,"I know they're fattening, but I hear this place has great onion circles."
44776,152,7,16,"So, Robin, about not telling them?"
44777,152,7,16,The green salad looks interesting.
44778,152,7,16,You're so much better without him.
44779,152,7,16,"If you ask me, Vinnie's a real jerk."
44780,152,7,16,"Hey, don't you dare badmouth Vinnie!"
44781,152,7,16,Ow!
44782,152,7,16,So what do you do?
44783,152,7,16,"Well, I teach architecture, and I also..."
44784,152,7,16,"Oh, big man with a job."
44785,152,7,16,You think yore better than me?
44786,152,7,16,What...
44787,152,7,16,(chuckles)
44788,152,7,16,So... where do you live?
44789,152,7,16,I'm on the Upper West Side.
44790,152,7,16,"Oh, big man. Living in Manhattan."
44791,152,7,16,"What, you think you're better than me?"
44792,152,7,16,Ehhh!
44793,152,7,16,Ehhhh!
44794,152,7,16,You think you're better than me?!
44795,152,7,16,"Well, it's a close one."
44796,152,7,16,"Lily made 14 awkward references to marriage, and Marshall made an even 60."
44797,152,7,16,"I'm so sorry, Kevin."
44798,152,7,16,"It's okay. I'm gonna go to bed, but you guys think tomorrow we can stop with all the marriage talk?"
44799,152,7,16,I do. I do.
44800,152,7,16,That's a half a point each.
44801,152,7,16,See you in a minute.
44802,152,7,16,Okay.
44803,152,7,16,(sighs)
44804,152,7,16,So?
44805,152,7,16,Are you any closer to deciding? Ooh...
44806,152,7,16,"Uh... well, there is something you don't know."
44807,152,7,16,Um...
44808,152,7,16,Can you guys keep a secret?
44809,152,7,16,"Yeah. Well, some of us can."
44810,152,7,16,"Well, there's something I have been keeping from everyone for the last couple of months."
44811,152,7,16,Um...
44812,152,7,16,I found out that I can't have children.
44813,152,7,16,I'm so sorry.
44814,152,7,16,Yeah.
44815,152,7,16,Are you okay?
44816,152,7,16,I can't believe that we didn't know.
44817,152,7,16,"No, you know, I've had some... time to deal with this by myself, and..."
44818,152,7,16,I'm okay.
44819,152,7,16,For real.
44820,152,7,16,Are you sure?
44821,152,7,16,"Yeah. So... even though I love Kevin and I... think I want to say yes, I can't until I tell him."
44822,152,7,16,But I'm scared it'll end our relationship.
44823,152,7,16,"Marshall: You know what, Robin?"
44824,152,7,16,"If it's meant to be, then it won't matter."
44825,152,7,16,"Yeah, you just have to tell him."
44826,152,7,16,(groans) Thank God we had the keys to Marshall and Lily's place.
44827,152,7,16,Pretty sure I told you that before you kicked in that side window.
44828,152,7,16,"You mean, before the ""burglars"" kicked in that side window and stole all of Lily's underwear."
44829,152,7,16,(groans)
44830,152,7,16,What the hell happened on that train?
44831,152,7,16,It was absolute chaos.
44832,152,7,16,"Ted, when I was at M.I.T., my favorite Einstein quote was: ""God doesn't play dice with the universe."""
44833,152,7,16,You didn't go to M.I.T.
44834,152,7,16,I didn't?
44835,152,7,16,Huh. I actually have no idea where you went to college.
44836,152,7,16,Who are you?
44837,152,7,16,"(chuckles) If we analyze the seemingly random patterns of the train, taking into account standard deviation, and assuming that epsilon approaches zero as angle delta approaches pi, we can conclude..."
44838,152,7,16,(snoring)
44839,152,7,16,"Damn it, Ted!"
44840,152,7,16,I was about to drop some sweet word play about logarithms and getting into a rhythm with my log.
44841,152,7,16,(snoring)
44842,152,7,16,I'll remember it.
44843,152,7,16,
44844,152,7,16,"Narrator: The next morning, Robin mustered up all her courage and finally told Kevin her secret."
44845,152,7,16,"I know that this is a lot to process, so... you take all the time you need."
44846,152,7,16,And I understand... Robin... will you marry me?
44847,152,7,16,Yes.
44848,152,7,16,What are you doing?
44849,152,7,16,"The top speed of the Drunk Train is 73 miles per hour, and you factor in an aggregate of 32 boobs per car,"
44850,152,7,16,"28 of which are motorboatable, and you divide that... No, no, no!"
44851,152,7,16,This is all wrong!
44852,152,7,16,It should be so simple!
44853,152,7,16,"I mean, it's the Drunk Train!"
44854,152,7,16,"My God... it's been right in front of us the whole time. ""Get drunk"""""
44855,152,7,16,Yeah.
44856,152,7,16,Of course.
44857,152,7,16,"Good circling, Ted."
44858,152,7,16,This ain't my first word search.
44859,152,7,16,"So my Mom's already picked a date, venue and caterer for the wedding."
44860,152,7,16,But nothing's set in stone.
44861,152,7,16,My great-aunt's gonna sing.
44862,152,7,16,That's happening.
44863,152,7,16,Are you really okay with this?
44864,152,7,16,"Yeah, she's actually got a decent voice."
44865,152,7,16,"No, are you... are you okay with everything that we talked about?"
44866,152,7,16,"Of course, Robin, I love you."
44867,152,7,16,"Besides, there are other ways to have kids."
44868,152,7,16,"There's adoption, surrogacy..."
44869,152,7,16,"No, Kevin, it's not just that I can't have kids, I don't want kids."
44870,152,7,16,Oh.
44871,152,7,16,Okay.
44872,152,7,16,"Knowing that, do you want to take your proposal back?"
44873,152,7,16,Will you marry me?
44874,152,7,16,"Oh, you take such good care of me."
44875,152,7,16,Thanks for loaning me your shoes for my swollen feet. Ah!
44876,152,7,16,I owe you one.
44877,152,7,16,We have to stop this.
44878,152,7,16,Stop what?
44879,152,7,16,Keeping score.
44880,152,7,16,"You're growing a baby, our baby."
44881,152,7,16,So you're officially ahead of me for life.
44882,152,7,16,"Oh, thanks, sweetie."
44883,152,7,16,"Once we're parents, we have to be a team. Deal?"
44884,152,7,16,(baby crying)
44885,152,7,16,It's your turn!
44886,152,7,16,I was on point for six straight hours yesterday!
44887,152,7,16,Two of those hours were a nap and you know it!
44888,152,7,16,Let's go to the board!
44889,152,7,16,"I hope it's a soupy deuce, sucka."
44890,152,7,16,(chortles)
44891,152,7,16,Deal. We're a team.
44892,152,7,16,"I was all, ""Do I look like I'm from Ronkonkoma?!"""
44893,152,7,16,All: Oh...!
44894,152,7,16,That's all you gotta say!
44895,152,7,16,"Oh, oh, oh, big man with a briefcase!"
44896,152,7,16,"What do you think, you're better than me?!"
44897,152,7,16,(all laughing)
44898,152,7,16,"Hey, our stop's next."
44899,152,7,16,Do you want to join us?
44900,152,7,16,"Yeah, I think we do. Nah, we're good."
44901,152,7,16,Too skanky.
44902,152,7,16,Too skanky? Eh...
44903,152,7,16,It's the Drunk Train.
44904,152,7,16,"You crossed out all the stops and wrote ""Vaginaville."""
44905,152,7,16,That's not true.
44906,152,7,16,"That one says ""Boner Gardens."""
44907,152,7,16,(snickers)
44908,152,7,16,What's going on?
44909,152,7,16,Wait. Did that Quinn girl shake your game or something?
44910,152,7,16,Hell no!
44911,152,7,16,At the end of the night...
44912,152,7,16,"You know, I went out tonight looking for a cheap, meaningless fling."
44913,152,7,16,But you turned out to be so special.
44914,152,7,16,I'd hate to ruin this friendship with s*x.
44915,152,7,16,"Oh, oh, I am willing to take that risk."
44916,152,7,16,"Good one, Ted."
44917,152,7,16,"Anyway, I'm seriously contemplating purchasing a new ironing board."
44918,152,7,16,Do you think...?
44919,152,7,16,"Okay, I'll give you this: You stood by your boy all night, even though you have no chance of getting with me."
44920,152,7,16,That was pretty cool.
44921,152,7,16,"Yeah, you know, in retrospect, I think that was the moment you decided to come back to my place and get nasty."
44922,152,7,16,"(laughs) Yeah, right."
44923,152,7,16,Get up. You're on my bra.
44924,152,7,16,Sorry.
44925,152,7,16,(grunts)
44926,152,7,16,Where's your bathroom?
44927,152,7,16,"Past the kitchen, down the hall."
44928,152,7,16,"See, I feel like I would remember you two being naked on your couch in the middle of the club."
44929,152,7,16,"Oh, right. That was later in my apartment after we got nasty."
44930,152,7,16,My bad.
44931,152,7,16,"So, you want to go to a diner or something?"
44932,152,7,16,Wait-wait-wait. You slept with her?
44933,152,7,16,"I know, I know."
44934,152,7,16,I'm late on sending the pictures.
44935,152,7,16,I've been swamped.
44936,152,7,16,You like Quinn. I...
44937,152,7,16,"That's why you can't stop ""complaining"" about her."
44938,152,7,16,That's why you just tanked our chance with these... lovely innocent flowers.
44939,152,7,16,"I don't even care where we go, but I hate doing it on the ground."
44940,152,7,16,"Barney, do you know why I'm on the Drunk Train on Valentine's Day?"
44941,152,7,16,Because I have nothing better to do.
44942,152,7,16,No one I can't stop thinking about.
44943,152,7,16,"So if you feel something for Quinn, go for it."
44944,152,7,16,Because you're wasting your time here.
44945,152,7,16,We both are.
44946,152,7,16,I don't like Quinn!
44947,152,7,16,"Kevin, I love you, but please don't just be the nice guy who says the right thing."
44948,152,7,16,"Robin, I want to marry you no matter what."
44949,152,7,16,Assuming you don't turn into a big fat fattie.
44950,152,7,16,See? Right there.
44951,152,7,16,Don't always say the right thing.
44952,152,7,16,"Look, you just got a truckload of new information dumped on you."
44953,152,7,16,Will you marry me?
44954,152,7,16,My feelings on kids aren't gonna change.
44955,152,7,16,Will you marry me?
44956,152,7,16,Haven't you always wanted kids?
44957,152,7,16,That was before I fell in love with you.
44958,152,7,16,"Well, that's the thing."
44959,152,7,16,Your future always had kids in it.
44960,152,7,16,That is something huge you would be giving up for me.
44961,152,7,16,I just don't think I could ever owe someone that much.
44962,152,7,16,"I'm scared that you'll... wake up in-in a year or ten or 50, full of regret."
44963,152,7,16,"So... I need you to be sure, okay?"
44964,152,7,16,"If we get married, you will never have children."
44965,152,7,16,Are you really okay with that?
44966,152,7,16,Enormous pen1s Syndrome?
44967,152,7,16,E.P.S.
44968,152,7,16,It's all about awareness.
44969,152,7,16,"That's why we're doing the fun run, the silent auction, the three-legged race."
44970,152,7,16,"Of course, that's just one guy."
44971,152,7,16,You know what?
44972,152,7,16,I can't do this.
44973,152,7,16,You can let me out up here.
44974,152,7,16,Why? You got a girlfriend or something?
44975,152,7,16,Maybe something.
44976,152,7,16,"Narrator: Kids, sometimes you realize"
44977,152,7,16,the journey you've been taking
44978,152,7,16,has reached its final stop.
44979,152,7,16,"So, the question becomes: Where do you go next?"
44980,152,7,16,Hey.
44981,152,7,16,Are you okay?
44982,152,7,16,"♪ A year from now, we'll all be gone ♪♪ All our friends will move away ♪"
44983,152,7,16,♪ And they're going to better places ♪♪ But our friends will be gone away... ♪
44984,152,7,16,So... he un-proposed.
44985,152,7,16,♪ Nothing is as it has been...
44986,152,7,16,We're over.
44987,152,7,16,And I-I... I-I know it's for the best.
44988,152,7,16,It's just...
44989,152,7,16,I was finally ready for something serious.
44990,152,7,16,He seemed like the guy to take that next step with.
44991,152,7,16,But he couldn't look past this.
44992,152,7,16,"I mean, who could?"
44993,152,7,16,(sighs)
44994,152,7,16,I could.
44995,152,7,16,"I love you, Robin."
44996,152,7,16,"You've been complaining about this Barney guy so much, I'm starting to think that you like him."
44997,152,7,16,Like his apartment-- check.
44998,152,7,16,Like his moves downtown--
44999,152,7,16,check plus.
45000,152,7,16,But like him? Ugh. Please.
45001,152,7,16,I'm just surprised he doesn't recognize you.
45002,152,7,16,He practically lives here.
45003,152,7,16,"Announcer: Gentlemen, give it up for Karma."
45004,153,7,17,"Narrator: Kids, I'll never forget the first time I told your mother I loved her."
45005,153,7,17,It was a rainy day in New York.
45006,153,7,17,We just had a horrible lunch.
45007,153,7,17,"The movie we wanted to see was sold out, and I just looked at her and said, ""I love you."""
45008,153,7,17,It was a big deal for me.
45009,153,7,17,I hadn't said that to a girl since...
45010,153,7,17,"I love you, Robin."
45011,153,7,17,I'm serious.
45012,153,7,17,Do you remember why we broke up in the first place?
45013,153,7,17,"We asked each other, ""Where do you want"
45014,153,7,17,"to be in five years?"""
45015,153,7,17,And our answers were just too different.
45016,153,7,17,"Well, it's five years later, and where are we?"
45017,153,7,17,Standing on the roof
45018,153,7,17,where I kissed you for the first time.
45019,153,7,17,"I know this is a lot to process, so no pressure here."
45020,153,7,17,Just... what do you think?
45021,153,7,17,"You know what? You're exhausted, it's late."
45022,153,7,17,Let's just go to sleep.
45023,153,7,17,"Well, good night."
45024,153,7,17,TED (to self): What the hell was that?
45025,153,7,17,"Okay, I can fix this."
45026,153,7,17,I-I was just temporarily insane
45027,153,7,17,"because of my Lyme disease, which I got on a camping trip that I didn't tell her about because... I go camping in secret."
45028,153,7,17,Perfect.
45029,153,7,17,"Or I could say, ""I'm sorry, we're great as friends."
45030,153,7,17,"Let's just forget I ever said anything."""
45031,153,7,17,"Yeah, that's probably better."
45032,153,7,17,"Okay, here goes."
45033,153,7,17,(sighs)
45034,153,7,17,I go camping in secret.
45035,153,7,17,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x17 ♪
45036,153,7,17,No Pressure
45037,153,7,17,"Original Air Date on February 20, 2012"
45038,153,7,17,"Wow, Ted, I... wow, okay."
45039,153,7,17,You got to give me a minute here.
45040,153,7,17,"This time yesterday, I was in Vermont engaged to another man."
45041,153,7,17,"I mean, it's been 24 hours of emotional mayhem, and, and the day is still not over."
45042,153,7,17,"I mean, I swear to God, if there's any more surprises, I'm gonna hit someone!"
45043,153,7,17,(knocking)
45044,153,7,17,(speaking Russian)... comrade.
45045,153,7,17,"That means, ""Hello, coworker."""
45046,153,7,17,You ready for our trip to Mother Russia?
45047,153,7,17,"Narrator: Oh, yeah, Aunt Robin was thrilled World Wide News asked her to go to Moscow to cover Maslenitsa."
45048,153,7,17,She was less thrilled to discover Maslenitsa is the city's annual butter festival.
45049,153,7,17,"Even worse, she'd spend an entire week with all those buttery Russians and her archenemy Patrice."
45050,153,7,17,"Uh, our flight leaves at 9:00 p.m., not a.m."
45051,153,7,17,God... Patrice!
45052,153,7,17,"But, Robin, the schedule says 9:00 a.m. and my ticket says 9:00 a.m. and all the e-mail reminders said 9:00 a.m. and our boss in the car downstairs said..."
45053,153,7,17,"Okay, Patrice, I get it!"
45054,153,7,17,"Oh, no!"
45055,153,7,17,Pair of pants coming in hot!
45056,153,7,17,Noise-canceling headphones.
45057,153,7,17,"Oh, I don't need 'em."
45058,153,7,17,It's a ten-hour flight and your sitting next to Patrice.
45059,153,7,17,"Oh, God, where's my cough syrup?"
45060,153,7,17,You're gonna make it.
45061,153,7,17,I'll bring your bag down.
45062,153,7,17,Where are my shoes? Where are my shoes?!
45063,153,7,17,Don't worry. It's fine.
45064,153,7,17,"And look, about all this... Just go."
45065,153,7,17,Good-bye. Bye.
45066,153,7,17,Why didn't I kiss her?
45067,153,7,17,We'll continue this when I get back.
45068,153,7,17,(phone rings)
45069,153,7,17,Hello.
45070,153,7,17,"I know it's early, but can you meet me at the bar right now, alone?"
45071,153,7,17,I'm on my way.
45072,153,7,17,I got to meet Ted at the bar.
45073,153,7,17,It's 7:00 a.m.
45074,153,7,17,"Man, Ted really needs to work on his boundaries."
45075,153,7,17,"Shh, guys, seriously."
45076,153,7,17,(gasps)
45077,153,7,17,(both scream)
45078,153,7,17,Why are you in our bed?
45079,153,7,17,I took the drunk train and got stuck out here.
45080,153,7,17,"Oh, God, I am so hungover."
45081,153,7,17,"Oh, God, Lily's not wearing a bra!"
45082,153,7,17,Shh!
45083,153,7,17,"Bye, baby."
45084,153,7,17,Do you think...?
45085,153,7,17,"Okay, I already know I don't want to hear this."
45086,153,7,17,Do you think that if we did it...
45087,153,7,17,"Yeah, I was right. I don't want to hear this."
45088,153,7,17,...and I did a really good job...
45089,153,7,17,Please leave.
45090,153,7,17,...that I could turn that into my baby?
45091,153,7,17,I think I'm gonna throw up.
45092,153,7,17,Morning sickness? No.
45093,153,7,17,"It's crazy, right?"
45094,153,7,17,Are you shocked?
45095,153,7,17,"No, I'm not shocked. You're in love with Robin."
45096,153,7,17,"Do you remember back at Christmas when she was upset, you didn't even know why,"
45097,153,7,17,and you spent eight hours setting up Christmas lights in the apartment just to cheer her up.
45098,153,7,17,That was a platonic friend thing. A platonic friend thing?
45099,153,7,17,"Really? Ted, let me ask you a question."
45100,153,7,17,Would you have done that for me?
45101,153,7,17,"You probably would have. You're such a good friend, Ted."
45102,153,7,17,"You, too, buddy."
45103,153,7,17,I'm going into the city.
45104,153,7,17,"Just, while I'm gone, don't go snooping around in our stuff."
45105,153,7,17,"I know you think we have a s*x tape hidden somewhere, so I'll save you the trouble. We don't. Good-bye."
45106,153,7,17,Here's that moment from Barney's perspective.
45107,153,7,17,(garbled voice)
45108,153,7,17,We have a s*x tape hidden somewhere.
45109,153,7,17,(garbled voice)
45110,153,7,17,Challenge accepted.
45111,153,7,17,Robin again?
45112,153,7,17,Why does everyone keep going after Robin?
45113,153,7,17,How come no one ever takes a run at me?
45114,153,7,17,Barney hits on you every day.
45115,153,7,17,"Yeah, but he just wants to bang me."
45116,153,7,17,I want something real.
45117,153,7,17,"I know, babe."
45118,153,7,17,(over phone): Double A Cleaning.
45119,153,7,17,"Consuela, it's Barney."
45120,153,7,17,I need you and the girls for the afternoon.
45121,153,7,17,"Of course, right away, Mr. Barney."
45122,153,7,17,Are you at home now?
45123,153,7,17,"No, I'm at a house on Long Island."
45124,153,7,17,I'll text you the details.
45125,153,7,17,It's a big job. The place has been ransacked.
45126,153,7,17,We'll get right on it.
45127,153,7,17,"Thanks, Consuela, you're the best."
45128,153,7,17,"Ted, I know you're ready to go with this whole you-and-Robin thing, but is she ready to go?"
45129,153,7,17,Is she ready to go? Um...
45130,153,7,17,"(sultry): Mmm, we'll continue this... when I get back."
45131,153,7,17,So...
45132,153,7,17,Are you sure that it wasn't...?
45133,153,7,17,We'll continue this when I get back.
45134,153,7,17,Okay.
45135,153,7,17,What?! No!
45136,153,7,17,"Damn it, Lily, why are you rooting against me?"
45137,153,7,17,I'm not rooting against you.
45138,153,7,17,"Yes, you are."
45139,153,7,17,"No, I'm not."
45140,153,7,17,"Yes, she was."
45141,153,7,17,"You see, at that very moment... ""Long-term bets""?"
45142,153,7,17,(reading)
45143,153,7,17,Hmm.
45144,153,7,17,My God! They're placing bets on our lives.
45145,153,7,17,"And I'm sorry, Ted cannot pull off bald."
45146,153,7,17,You know Ted. I'm right about this.
45147,153,7,17,(laughs)
45148,153,7,17,"Ted, I'm your best friend. Why would I root against you?"
45149,153,7,17,Lily bets Marshall that Ted and Robin won't end up together.
45150,153,7,17,Narrator: That's why.
45151,153,7,17,"Narrator: So, Lily was betting against me and Robin."
45152,153,7,17,I just didn't know it.
45153,153,7,17,"Okay, you want to make it work with Robin?"
45154,153,7,17,You need to stay on her radar.
45155,153,7,17,Call her right now.
45156,153,7,17,She's on the plane. Her phone's off.
45157,153,7,17,(gasps)
45158,153,7,17,"Oh, my God!"
45159,153,7,17,"How adorable would it be if when the plane lands, she turns on her phone and her mailbox is full of messages from you?!"
45160,153,7,17,(squeals)
45161,153,7,17,"Ted, don't leave her any voice mails."
45162,153,7,17,Why not?
45163,153,7,17,Because... Because you need to go to Russia.
45164,153,7,17,(gasps)
45165,153,7,17,With love!
45166,153,7,17,Surprise her.
45167,153,7,17,Make the--
45168,153,7,17,in no way creepy--
45169,153,7,17,grand romantic gesture that we all know Robin loves.
45170,153,7,17,Oh!
45171,153,7,17,So I just walk up to her in Red Square with a dozen roses?
45172,153,7,17,Or float down to her in my hot air balloon with ten dozen roses!
45173,153,7,17,"Yes, that's perfect!"
45174,153,7,17,"Not like this, Lily."
45175,153,7,17,Not like this.
45176,153,7,17,"If you'll excuse me, I've got some sonnets to write."
45177,153,7,17,"Stay put, Ted. You're gonna want to hear this."
45178,153,7,17,"Guys, what's this?"
45179,153,7,17,Narrator: And Marshall and Lily explained.
45180,153,7,17,It all started ten years earlier.
45181,153,7,17,They had been looking for a new hobby they could do as a couple.
45182,153,7,17,I already missed the beginner's lesson.
45183,153,7,17,Maybe I shouldn't even go.
45184,153,7,17,"Ah, screw it."
45185,153,7,17,I've seen the Olympics. I know what I'm doing.
45186,153,7,17,"I'm going skiing, bitches!"
45187,153,7,17,(loud crashing)
45188,153,7,17,He's gonna break his leg.
45189,153,7,17,He's not gonna break his leg.
45190,153,7,17,"20 bucks says he does. ""Lily bets Marshall that Ted will break his leg skiing."""
45191,153,7,17,You would be amazed.
45192,153,7,17,People fall off ski lifts all the time.
45193,153,7,17,"Well, I gotta hit the head."
45194,153,7,17,(grunts)
45195,153,7,17,"Well, he didn't break his leg."
45196,153,7,17,"Yeah, I gotta say that, um, making money off this bet just makes me feel..."
45197,153,7,17,More alive than you've felt in years?
45198,153,7,17,Yes! New hobby!
45199,153,7,17,(both yelling)
45200,153,7,17,"We need a cash box, some glitter and some glue!"
45201,153,7,17,You've been betting on us?
45202,153,7,17,Like we're a couple of hobos fighting over a sandwich in some psycho preppy kid's backyard?
45203,153,7,17,"No, this is just what happens in marriage."
45204,153,7,17,You get bored.
45205,153,7,17,You run out of things to do.
45206,153,7,17,We were making models.
45207,153,7,17,You single people are out there with the drinking and the sleeping around...
45208,153,7,17,Model airplanes.
45209,153,7,17,The grinding and the bumping and the hot sweaty bodies.
45210,153,7,17,...with little propellers that spin.
45211,153,7,17,"Oh, this one looks interesting."
45212,153,7,17,"Lily, I thought you said you wanted to."
45213,153,7,17,It was your idea.
45214,153,7,17,I starved myself for a week to get camera-ready.
45215,153,7,17,You had a bear claw for breakfast.
45216,153,7,17,"Yeah, a bear claw."
45217,153,7,17,I-I changed my mind.
45218,153,7,17,I-I just don't want Barney to see us doing it.
45219,153,7,17,Barney is never gonna see this.
45220,153,7,17,"Oh, come on. It's Barney."
45221,153,7,17,"Eventually, somehow he's gonna see it."
45222,153,7,17,Want to bet?
45223,153,7,17,So there really is a s*x tape.
45224,153,7,17,"Anyhoozles, just... long-term bets, just a silly thing we do."
45225,153,7,17,"What about you, Ted?"
45226,153,7,17,"Your hair's looking good. ""Lily bets Marshall that Ted and Robin won't end up together."""
45227,153,7,17,Wow.
45228,153,7,17,So now it's becoming clear why... you've been trying to sabotage my future happiness.
45229,153,7,17,To win a bet.
45230,153,7,17,"Come on, Ted."
45231,153,7,17,We made that bet so long ago.
45232,153,7,17,"And boy, it's been a real nail-biter."
45233,153,7,17,Ted and Stella got engaged.
45234,153,7,17,Pay up.
45235,153,7,17,Not yet.
45236,153,7,17,We are driving to the wedding.
45237,153,7,17,Pay up.
45238,153,7,17,Not yet.
45239,153,7,17,We are at the wedding.
45240,153,7,17,Pay up.
45241,153,7,17,Not yet.
45242,153,7,17,Damn it.
45243,153,7,17,I can't believe you guys!
45244,153,7,17,"I got left at the alter, and all you cared about was some stupid bet?"
45245,153,7,17,"I never stopped rooting for you, but I..."
45246,153,7,17,"Ted, I'm not rooting against you."
45247,153,7,17,I just don't think Robin's the girl you marry.
45248,153,7,17,That's why I made the stupid bet to begin with.
45249,153,7,17,"I mean, yes, it's five years later, and you haven't settled down with anyone else, but you haven't settled down with Robin, either."
45250,153,7,17,There must be a reason for that.
45251,153,7,17,What's standing in the way?
45252,153,7,17,(frustrated muttering)
45253,153,7,17,"God... if you help me find this s*x tape, I am going to make some changes in my life."
45254,153,7,17,"I am going to stop sleeping around, quit drinking so much, no more shenanigans."
45255,153,7,17,"I am going to devote my entire life to doing good deeds, and praising your name."
45256,153,7,17,"Is this what you're looking for, Mr. Barney?"
45257,153,7,17,"Never mind, bro. Found it."
45258,153,7,17,I found it!
45259,153,7,17,"Sweet glory hallelujah, I found it, Ted."
45260,153,7,17,"You're the only idiot I know who still owns a VCR, so you are the lucky winner of the ""Who gets to sit next to me and watch our best friends go bananas all over each other"""" sweepstakes."
45261,153,7,17,To the outdated viewing device!
45262,153,7,17,
45263,153,7,17,Narrator: And then I realized why Robin and I hadn't gotten back together in the last five years.
45264,153,7,17,"Oh, my God."
45265,153,7,17,Robin's in love with you.
45266,153,7,17,I can't believe I didn't see it before.
45267,153,7,17,Robin is in love with you.
45268,153,7,17,"No, she's not. Trust me."
45269,153,7,17,"Yes, she is."
45270,153,7,17,Something happened between you guys.
45271,153,7,17,That's why you broke up with Nora.
45272,153,7,17,"That night, I saw you in her room, there were rose petals, candles..."
45273,153,7,17,You saw that?
45274,153,7,17,"Well, then, maybe you also saw those rose petals and candles going into a garbage bag."
45275,153,7,17,Narrator: And then Barney told me everything.
45276,153,7,17,How he and Robin hooked up.
45277,153,7,17,How he broke up with Nora to be with her.
45278,153,7,17,How he thought she would do the same for him.
45279,153,7,17,How she broke his heart.
45280,153,7,17,She chose Kevin.
45281,153,7,17,"It hurt, but..."
45282,153,7,17,I guess they're in love.
45283,153,7,17,They broke up last night.
45284,153,7,17,Bummer.
45285,153,7,17,"Anyway, let's make our own bets about this s*x tape."
45286,153,7,17,"I've got Marshall with a surprise piercing at five-to-one odds, Lily with a landing strip, ten-to-one, Marshall with a landing strip, even money."
45287,153,7,17,I don't believe this.
45288,153,7,17,"You were in love with Robin, you find out she's single, and your reaction is ""Bummer""?"
45289,153,7,17,"What do you want me to say, Ted?"
45290,153,7,17,"Whatever I thought was there, she thought differently."
45291,153,7,17,"So... no, I don't care that Robin is single again."
45292,153,7,17,"So if Robin started dating someone else, you wouldn't mind?"
45293,153,7,17,Nope.
45294,153,7,17,Even if that somebody else was me?
45295,153,7,17,Even if that somebody else was you.
45296,153,7,17,Really? Really.
45297,153,7,17,"Hey, bros before hos, right?"
45298,153,7,17,"No matter how mad she made me, Robin's still my bro."
45299,153,7,17,"And if, uh, you make her happy, then that makes me happy."
45300,153,7,17,"Barney, you've really grown up, you know that?"
45301,153,7,17,Thanks.
45302,153,7,17,Now let's watch our two best friends have s*x on tape.
45303,153,7,17,I'll make the popcorn.
45304,153,7,17,(Barney giggles)
45305,153,7,17,Don't watch that tape!
45306,153,7,17,Watch that tape!
45307,153,7,17,"Well, sorry, I just really want to win the bet."
45308,153,7,17,And here we go.
45309,153,7,17,"O-okay. Okay, fine, Barney."
45310,153,7,17,"Watch our dirty little home movie, but be forewarned, at about the one minute mark, you're going to see me make this face."
45311,153,7,17,"Oh, God, that's the face you made the day we rode motorcycles. Yeah."
45312,153,7,17,Yeah. You really want to see that?
45313,153,7,17,"A-and do you want to hear me go, uh..."
45314,153,7,17,(bleating grunts)
45315,153,7,17,(gags)
45316,153,7,17,(bleating grunting)
45317,153,7,17,It can't sound like that. It can't.
45318,153,7,17,"I know that noise, I've heard it through the walls."
45319,153,7,17,I thought the neighbors had a sick cat.
45320,153,7,17,"Okay, but, Barney, just remember, you'll also be seeing a lot of this: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah."
45321,153,7,17,"It's this, but I'm not pregnant."
45322,153,7,17,"My skin is loose, like an elephant."
45323,153,7,17,My boobs are perky and plump.
45324,153,7,17,I slobber like a confused old dog.
45325,153,7,17,I slap my own ass. I slap my own ass!
45326,153,7,17,(yells)
45327,153,7,17,Barney... that was my VCR.
45328,153,7,17,Ted... it was a VCR.
45329,153,7,17,"A week later, I picked Robin up"
45330,153,7,17,at the airport.
45331,153,7,17,♪
45332,153,7,17,♪
45333,153,7,17,And took her out to dinner at her favorite restaurant.
45334,153,7,17,"And by the end of the night, one thing had become clear:"
45335,153,7,17,"It's not going to happen, is it?"
45336,153,7,17,(sighs)
45337,153,7,17,I'm sorry.
45338,153,7,17,It's because of Barney.
45339,153,7,17,What?
45340,153,7,17,No.
45341,153,7,17,Barney and I... we...
45342,153,7,17,No. No. It's just...
45343,153,7,17,"You know, things have just been so crazy lately."
45344,153,7,17,Everything in my life is... unstable.
45345,153,7,17,"I mean, you're one of the few things that I can count on."
45346,153,7,17,And... I really don't want to mess that up.
45347,153,7,17,"We-we... we still have our deal, right?"
45348,153,7,17,If we're both still... single when we're 40?
45349,153,7,17,Yeah. Yeah.
45350,153,7,17,No. Look... I'm sorry.
45351,153,7,17,I-I can't do that anymore.
45352,153,7,17,"As long as the door is even a little bit open, I have this feeling that I'll just be... waiting around to see if I win the lottery when you turn 40."
45353,153,7,17,"I think you know how you feel about me now, and... I don't think time's going to change that."
45354,153,7,17,Just tell me.
45355,153,7,17,Do you love me?
45356,153,7,17,No.
45357,153,7,17,(sighs)
45358,153,7,17,I'm sorry.
45359,153,7,17,We're great as friends.
45360,153,7,17,Let's just...
45361,153,7,17,(clears throat)
45362,153,7,17,Let's just forget I ever said anything.
45363,153,7,17,(sighs)
45364,153,7,17,Bar. Alone. Now.
45365,153,7,17,It's just a bump in the road.
45366,153,7,17,You guys are meant to be together.
45367,153,7,17,You can't give up.
45368,153,7,17,You... i-it can still happen.
45369,153,7,17,No. Marshall...
45370,153,7,17,"What about the hot air balloon thing, with the ten dozen roses?"
45371,153,7,17,"And how's the sonnet coming, buddy? Dude."
45372,153,7,17,You bet on the wrong horse. Let it go.
45373,153,7,17,"Believe it or not, I'm happy about this. I'm..."
45374,153,7,17,I can finally move on.
45375,153,7,17,This is a good thing.
45376,153,7,17,Really.
45377,153,7,17,"Hey, Robin."
45378,153,7,17,"Oh, hey. Hey."
45379,153,7,17,"Hey. Uh, look, before I forget, here's Lily's hairdryer."
45380,153,7,17,"I borrowed it, like, a million years ago."
45381,153,7,17,"Yeah, you can keep that."
45382,153,7,17,"Um... Hey, listen, Ted told me what happened with you guys, and he says that he's at peace with it."
45383,153,7,17,"Oh, really?"
45384,153,7,17,That's good.
45385,153,7,17,"He's lying, Robin."
45386,153,7,17,"He's trying to be strong, but it's killing him, and so, as his best friend, I have to say something that... he loves you just way too much to say."
45387,153,7,17,You gotta move out.
45388,153,7,17,I know.
45389,153,7,17,♪ And all of the ghouls come out to play ♪♪ And every demon wants his pound of flesh ♪
45390,153,7,17,♪ But I like to keep some things to myself ♪♪ I like to keep my issues strong ♪
45391,153,7,17,♪ It's always darkest before the dawn ♪♪ And I've been a fool and I've been blind ♪
45392,153,7,17,♪ I can never leave the past behind ♪♪ I can see no way
45393,153,7,17,♪ I can see no way ♪
45394,153,7,17,♪ I'm always dragging that horse around ♪
45395,153,7,17,"Narrator: Here's the funny thing: In my own crazy way, I was kind of happy."
45396,153,7,17,"For the first time in years, there was no little part of me clinging to the dream of being with Robin."
45397,153,7,17,"Which meant, for the first time in years, the world was wide open."
45398,153,7,17,"Because, kids... when a door closes, well..."
45399,153,7,17,"♪ Shake it out, shake it out"
45400,153,7,17,...you know the rest.
45401,153,7,17,♪ And it's hard to dance
45402,153,7,17,♪ With a devil on your back
45403,153,7,17,♪ So shake him off
45404,153,7,17,"♪ Oh, whoa..."
45405,153,7,17,"Lily: For Ted's sake, I hate to say this,"
45406,153,7,17,but... pay up.
45407,154,7,18,"Narrator: Kids, 2012 started out kind of crazy."
45408,154,7,18,"Barney met a girl named Quinn,"
45409,154,7,18,"Kevin unproposed to Robin, I told Robin..."
45410,154,7,18,"I love you, Robin."
45411,154,7,18,"When I asked if she loved me back, she said..."
45412,154,7,18,No.
45413,154,7,18,Marshall told Robin...
45414,154,7,18,You got to move out.
45415,154,7,18,And Robin did.
45416,154,7,18,I can't even open her bedroom door anymore.
45417,154,7,18,Why do I have to be so sensitive?
45418,154,7,18,"I don't know, bro."
45419,154,7,18,Look at me and that Quinn chick.
45420,154,7,18,"You don't hear me prattling on about how beautiful her smile is, how her hair is like a waterfall of honey-colored silk, how her eyes are like a warm South Sea kissed by the fire and gold of sunrise."
45421,154,7,18,I don't even remember what she looks like.
45422,154,7,18,"Dude, you obviously like her. Can't you read between the lines, Ted?"
45423,154,7,18,I obviously like her.
45424,154,7,18,How did this happen to me?
45425,154,7,18,When did I become such a gooey romantic?
45426,154,7,18,"Look, I think it's healthy that you have real feelings for a woman instead of just seeing her as an object."
45427,154,7,18,Switch?
45428,154,7,18,Sure.
45429,154,7,18,(snaps fingers)
45430,154,7,18,But why Quinn?
45431,154,7,18,"I mean, you spent one night with her, and she was kind of mean."
45432,154,7,18,We just connected.
45433,154,7,18,"Emotionally, intellectually, spiritually."
45434,154,7,18,"So, mind-blowing s*x?"
45435,154,7,18,Mind-blowing s*x!
45436,154,7,18,"For an hour afterwards, I couldn't uncross my eyes."
45437,154,7,18,"Which was awesome, because when I went back for seconds, I would if I knew how to get in touch with her, but I can't, and it's driving me crazy."
45438,154,7,18,"Everywhere I look, I see her."
45439,154,7,18,I see her walking on the street; I see her shopping in the store; I see her dancing on that pole.
45440,154,7,18,"I see her dancing on that pole, too."
45441,154,7,18,"Oh, my God, that's Quinn."
45442,154,7,18,"EMCEE: Gentlemen, give it up for Karma."
45443,154,7,18,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x18 ♪
45444,154,7,18,Karma
45445,154,7,18,"Original Air Date on February 27, 2012"
45446,154,7,18,I really appreciate you guys taking me in.
45447,154,7,18,"I mean, I'm homeless, things between me and Ted are still kind of weird."
45448,154,7,18,"So, it's nice to be around friends."
45449,154,7,18,"Well, stay as long as you want, sweetie."
45450,154,7,18,"Oh, thank you."
45451,154,7,18,Mm.
45452,154,7,18,"Now, I got you a journal."
45453,154,7,18,"I know this sounds lame, but it really helps work through stuff to write about it."
45454,154,7,18,"Oh. ""Dear Diary. The fantasies of killing Marshall's mom ""have become more vivid."
45455,154,7,18,"Today, I scalped her with a .."""" Whoops, that one's mine."
45456,154,7,18,You are going to have so much fun here.
45457,154,7,18,"Oh, guys, please, do not feel like you have to keep me entertained."
45458,154,7,18,"Well, you shouldn't have come to East Meadow, Long Island, Robin, if you didn't want to be entertained."
45459,154,7,18,Really? I didn't think there was a ton to do here.
45460,154,7,18,"Oh, apparently, someone hasn't heard of the Uniondale Miniatures Museum."
45461,154,7,18,"You'll come for the 19th century thimble art, but you'll stay for the Dutch masters on bottle caps."
45462,154,7,18,"Plus, you'll be bowling with two charter members of the East Meadow Alley Cats. ""We're a hot dog eating team with a bowling problem."""
45463,154,7,18,Shirley came up with that one.
45464,154,7,18,"Great bowler, Shirley."
45465,154,7,18,She hit 280 the other day.
45466,154,7,18,"Unfortunately, that was on her bathroom scale."
45467,154,7,18,"Narrator: When Robin moved out, there was a hole in my life in the shape of an empty bedroom."
45468,154,7,18,I filled it with a new hobby.
45469,154,7,18,(sizzling)
45470,154,7,18,(coughing)
45471,154,7,18,What are you doing in my old room?
45472,154,7,18,"This room being empty was bumming me out, so I decided to do something healthy that would take my mind off you."
45473,154,7,18,"Well, nothing says healthy like smoking 40 pounds of pork loin in an unventilated room while having an imaginary conversation with your ex."
45474,154,7,18,"Just for that, you're not getting any."
45475,154,7,18,I'm not getting any?
45476,154,7,18,You're the one smoking your own meat.
45477,154,7,18,Oh!
45478,154,7,18,(knocking)
45479,154,7,18,What am I gonna do about this Quinn thing?
45480,154,7,18,"I want to ask her out again, but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper."
45481,154,7,18,Why would you have an issue with that?
45482,154,7,18,"I mean, you've dated convicted felons, arms dealers... pageant moms."
45483,154,7,18,"Hey, Quinn is someone I might want to get serious with, not just pretend to be a judge"
45484,154,7,18,(chuckles) Tiffany's mom really
45485,154,7,18,wanted that tiara.
45486,154,7,18,"In a city of eight million people, you happened to walk into the club where she works?"
45487,154,7,18,Maybe it's destiny.
45488,154,7,18,"No, Destiny strips at The Melon Patch."
45489,154,7,18,"They're people, Ted; try to keep them straight."
45490,154,7,18,Wait a minute.
45491,154,7,18,What if this is destiny?
45492,154,7,18,I just said...
45493,154,7,18,What if the universe is throwing us in each other's path for some reason?
45494,154,7,18,More or less exactly what I...
45495,154,7,18,"I don't care what you say, this is destiny!"
45496,154,7,18,"Damn it, Ted!"
45497,154,7,18,Why can't you ever root for love?
45498,154,7,18,Hey.
45499,154,7,18,Hey.
45500,154,7,18,Quinn...
45501,154,7,18,"No, listen, in here I'm Karma, okay?"
45502,154,7,18,Got it.
45503,154,7,18,"Uh, look, Karma, I swear I never say crap like this, but..."
45504,154,7,18,I think maybe the universe is telling us something.
45505,154,7,18,You want to go out again?
45506,154,7,18,"I'm sorry, I don't date customers."
45507,154,7,18,What about destiny?
45508,154,7,18,I heard she's over at The Melon Patch now.
45509,154,7,18,"No, I mean like fate telling us that we're supposed to be..."
45510,154,7,18,"Oh, listen, Barney, my manager is really giving me the stink eye."
45511,154,7,18,I have to get back to work.
45512,154,7,18,"Okay, wait, wait."
45513,154,7,18,What if I pay for a dance?
45514,154,7,18,"That way, your manager's happy, and then I can to tell you why you should go on another date with me."
45515,154,7,18,I guess there's no reason why not.
45516,154,7,18,"Okay, first off, we have a lot in common."
45517,154,7,18,"For example, both of our jobs are largely financed by drunk Asian businessmen."
45518,154,7,18,Dear Diary.
45519,154,7,18,"It is day four on this island,"
45520,154,7,18,"which the natives have dubbed ""Long Island,"" perhaps referencing how each hour here feels like it may never end."
45521,154,7,18,"So far, they have welcomed me and given me a rare glimpse into their bizarre way of life."
45522,154,7,18,"By ""entertainment,"" they mean table shuffle board, macramé classes, and other non-stimulating activities which are only used in Manhattan to calm down drug addicts and the criminally insane."
45523,154,7,18,"A preliterate society, their menus display pictures of the food they offer, everyone is forced to sing ""Happy Birthday"" four or five times a meal, and dessert has fireworks in it."
45524,154,7,18,"In their lairs, they often don"
45525,154,7,18,"a primitive shroud called a ""Snugget,"" and it is not uncommon for them to go to sleep before 9 p.m., fearing, as they do, the night."
45526,154,7,18,"Also Diary, I think writing in you is stupid,"
45527,154,7,18,"but you were a gift from Lily,"
45528,154,7,18,and she's watching me right now.
45529,154,7,18,"Guys, um, I don't want to overstay my welcome, and Patrice said that she would take me off your hands."
45530,154,7,18,"So, do you have a train schedule or..."
45531,154,7,18,"Oh, yeah, um, but-but there's a-a problem with the train."
45532,154,7,18,"Big, big problem."
45533,154,7,18,There was a...
45534,154,7,18,Strike. A lightning strike.
45535,154,7,18,That hit one of the picketers who was on strike.
45536,154,7,18,During a thunderstorm.
45537,154,7,18,"Plus, you don't want to be a burden on Patrice."
45538,154,7,18,"Yeah, she probably doesn't even want you there."
45539,154,7,18,You guys are being weird.
45540,154,7,18,Oh! Oh!
45541,154,7,18,"Oh, my God, Robin, I am so sorry."
45542,154,7,18,I'll throw these in the wash.
45543,154,7,18,They'll be dry and folded in the morning.
45544,154,7,18,Or the weekend.
45545,154,7,18,And we can talk about you leaving then.
45546,154,7,18,(quietly): Or never.
45547,154,7,18,"Wait, Lily, why don't..."
45548,154,7,18,(yawns loudly)
45549,154,7,18,"It's 8:45, time to hit the hay."
45550,154,7,18,Lily: Good night!
45551,154,7,18,(lock clicks)
45552,154,7,18,"So Ted, what healthy, not-at-all-crazy activity are you up to now?"
45553,154,7,18,"I liked smoking meat, but now I've got a new passion: wood."
45554,154,7,18,"You hear these things that come out of your mouth, right?"
45555,154,7,18,(knocking)
45556,154,7,18,So I went back to the Lusty Leopard.
45557,154,7,18,"You know what, Barney?"
45558,154,7,18,"I know I said I have a rule about not dating customers, but you may have convinced me to..."
45559,154,7,18,(music stops)
45560,154,7,18,Oh.
45561,154,7,18,"Song's over, I got to go."
45562,154,7,18,"Wait, no, what? Convinced you to what?"
45563,154,7,18,"I'm sorry, but manager's giving me the stink eye."
45564,154,7,18,"Ugh, get a life, Manager."
45565,154,7,18,What were you saying?
45566,154,7,18,"Well, I was going to say that I do find you very... charming."
45567,154,7,18,(chuckles)
45568,154,7,18,And funny... and sexy.
45569,154,7,18,And exciting and smart.
45570,154,7,18,You so get me.
45571,154,7,18,"You know what, Barney?"
45572,154,7,18,"I have never done this before, but there's just something about you."
45573,154,7,18,So I guess my answer is...
45574,154,7,18,(music stops)
45575,154,7,18,(gasps) Oh.
45576,154,7,18,The song's over.
45577,154,7,18,"Well, just finish the thought!"
45578,154,7,18,"But the manager. God, I hate manager."
45579,154,7,18,(snoring)
45580,154,7,18,There. Your answer is...
45581,154,7,18,Maybe if we knew each other a little better.
45582,154,7,18,(sighs)
45583,154,7,18,Tell me about yourself.
45584,154,7,18,"Well, um, what can I tell you?"
45585,154,7,18,"I'm, um... charming and funny and sexy and... exciting and smart."
45586,154,7,18,"Well, how can a girl say no to that?"
45587,154,7,18,How about we... go out on... aaaaaaaaa... aaaaaa...
45588,154,7,18,"Ugh, these songs are so short."
45589,154,7,18,(groans)
45590,154,7,18,"Uh, how much exactly did you give Quinn?"
45591,154,7,18,"Eight, nine hundred bucks, plus whatever my Rolex is worth."
45592,154,7,18,Whoa.
45593,154,7,18,I know.
45594,154,7,18,"Ted, I think I'm in love."
45595,154,7,18,Quinn is totally playing you.
45596,154,7,18,What?
45597,154,7,18,That's ridiculous.
45598,154,7,18,"If she were playing me, why would she agree to go on a date with me?"
45599,154,7,18,You're different than the rest of these schlubs.
45600,154,7,18,"This one time only, I'm going to break my rule."
45601,154,7,18,Let's go out tomorrow night.
45602,154,7,18,Sweet!
45603,154,7,18,"Oh, shoot! I have to work tomorrow. Ugh!"
45604,154,7,18,Hey! Brainstorm!
45605,154,7,18,"What if we just have our date here, It's a date."
45606,154,7,18,"It's not a date, if you go into a strip club and paying for lap dances."
45607,154,7,18,"If it's not a date, why'd she say, every fifth day was free?"
45608,154,7,18,"Because that's the Lusty Leopard's policy on Friday nights, and I'm so mad at you that I know that!"
45609,154,7,18,Robin: Dear Diary.
45610,154,7,18,"It is day six on this island, and I begin to fear I am more captive than guest..."
45611,154,7,18,(screams)
45612,154,7,18,"Morning, sweetie."
45613,154,7,18,Up for croquet?
45614,154,7,18,"Hey, uh, Lil, are you done washing my clothes yet? Because I..."
45615,154,7,18,"Oh, I am so sorry."
45616,154,7,18,Your clothes accidentally wound up in the bag I donated to Goodwill.
45617,154,7,18,You gave away my clothes?
45618,154,7,18,They were a bit fancy for East Meadow.
45619,154,7,18,(whispers): People were staring.
45620,154,7,18,"Besides, we have an extra Snugget."
45621,154,7,18,Try it.
45622,154,7,18,"Try it, Robin."
45623,154,7,18,"Robin: They're trying to make me one of them, Diary."
45624,154,7,18,And I begin to fear...
45625,154,7,18,I may like it!
45626,154,7,18,"I can't believe we're at a strip club, and the biggest boob in here is you."
45627,154,7,18,"It's a real date, Ted."
45628,154,7,18,And clearly you haven't seen the DeSalvo twins.
45629,154,7,18,She's right over there.
45630,154,7,18,Barney... Yowza!
45631,154,7,18,You are not on a date.
45632,154,7,18,"Okay, look, prove it."
45633,154,7,18,Prove that she's not just taking advantage of you.
45634,154,7,18,Get her to go out with you anywhere but here.
45635,154,7,18,Fine!
45636,154,7,18,"Hey, sexy! You want a dance?"
45637,154,7,18,Yeah!
45638,154,7,18,"Uh, one thing, though."
45639,154,7,18,"Um, you'd be okay with us having a date somewhere besides here, wouldn't you?"
45640,154,7,18,I was hoping you would ask that.
45641,154,7,18,"I'm sorry it's so expensive in here, but it's nice and private, huh?"
45642,154,7,18,Absolutely. And romantic!
45643,154,7,18,It's our first getaway as a couple!
45644,154,7,18,"It's become clear to me, Diary,"
45645,154,7,18,that I must attempt a dramatic escape.
45646,154,7,18,I will fake a stomach ache during dinner.
45647,154,7,18,"Then, after Marshall and Lily leave for bingo night, I will sneak out the back."
45648,154,7,18,I'll swipe Shirley's Rascal and drive to the train station.
45649,154,7,18,"Shirley's 42, by the way, and rides a Rascal."
45650,154,7,18,"I swear, it's the second half of Wall-E out here."
45651,154,7,18,(two handclaps)
45652,154,7,18,Bingo... was canceled.
45653,154,7,18,"Hey, sexy, you want a dance?"
45654,154,7,18,"(chuckles) No, I'm not a customer."
45655,154,7,18,My girlfriend works here.
45656,154,7,18,She's right over...
45657,154,7,18,"This one time only, I'm gonna break my rule."
45658,154,7,18,Let's go out tomorrow night!
45659,154,7,18,Sweet!
45660,154,7,18,"Oh, shoot!"
45661,154,7,18,I have to work tomorrow. Ugh!
45662,154,7,18,Hey! Brainstorm!
45663,154,7,18,"What if we just have our date here, maybe in the Champagne Room?"
45664,154,7,18,That was our spot.
45665,154,7,18,"Hey, gorgeous, You want a dance?"
45666,154,7,18,"Is it a jig? 'Cause if so, it's up."
45667,154,7,18,"Sorry, I only had the last verse of ""Hot For Teacher"" to work on that. What was that?"
45668,154,7,18,You laid exactly the same line on that guy that you did on me!
45669,154,7,18,"Sweetie, that is just something I say to these gullible losers here."
45670,154,7,18,They fall for it every time.
45671,154,7,18,(chuckling): Bunch of losers!
45672,154,7,18,"Oh, gosh, manager again."
45673,154,7,18,"He's looking at me like, ""Karma, why aren't you booking more time in the Champagne Room?"""
45674,154,7,18,"Well, we'll show him."
45675,154,7,18,No! You're playing me again!
45676,154,7,18,And you're not even trying hard!
45677,154,7,18,There's no manager there; You're pointing at a fern!
45678,154,7,18,Ted was right.
45679,154,7,18,"I bet he's home right now, laughing at how dumb I am."
45680,154,7,18,Did I deserve this? Absolutely.
45681,154,7,18,I have told some outrageous lies.
45682,154,7,18,"I have told women I was famous, a war hero, that s*x with me would cure their nearsightedness."
45683,154,7,18,Barney?!
45684,154,7,18,I probably deserved everything you did to me and more.
45685,154,7,18,"But I have been trying, and trying hard to be a better person."
45686,154,7,18,Thanks for showing me I had it right before.
45687,154,7,18,"Look, I'm sorry we made you feel a little suffocated, but were you really just gonna sneak away?"
45688,154,7,18,"Well, it's just... I really miss the city."
45689,154,7,18,"I know you guys love it here, and that's fine, We don't love it here!"
45690,154,7,18,What?
45691,154,7,18,"Come on, Robin, what kind of life is this?"
45692,154,7,18,Going to canasta tournaments and high school field hockey playoffs?
45693,154,7,18,"Oh, I think North Bellmore can take state."
45694,154,7,18,With Sophie's ankle? Doubtful.
45695,154,7,18,"Okay, but if you two are so unhappy, why don't you just move back to Manhattan?"
45696,154,7,18,Because the suburbs are better for the baby.
45697,154,7,18,Who says? Who says any place is better for the baby if you two are unhappy in it?
45698,154,7,18,"No, no, we live here now."
45699,154,7,18,"And, you know, this place wouldn't seem so bad if... we got one of our friends to move out here."
45700,154,7,18,"Oh, guys..."
45701,154,7,18,Oh...
45702,154,7,18,I would rather set myself on fire.
45703,154,7,18,
45704,154,7,18,"Narrator: The next morning, Barney learned that even in"
45705,154,7,18,"a city of eight million people,"
45706,154,7,18,there's no escaping Karma.
45707,154,7,18,(light music playing)
45708,154,7,18,(sighs)
45709,154,7,18,Oh.
45710,154,7,18,"Oh, hey."
45711,154,7,18,"Sorry, can't talk; manager's watching."
45712,154,7,18,"Look, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings; it's a job."
45713,154,7,18,"Yeah, well, at my job, we don't rip out people's hearts for money."
45714,154,7,18,"My company briefly backed a lab in North Korea which did, but we sold it!"
45715,154,7,18,"You know, I've worked at that club for a year."
45716,154,7,18,"You practically live there, and you didn't even recognize me the night we went out."
45717,154,7,18,You can't pretend to be some hurt little victim with me.
45718,154,7,18,I know you.
45719,154,7,18,"Well, of course you do."
45720,154,7,18,I told you things I don't tell anybody.
45721,154,7,18,I was honest with you.
45722,154,7,18,"Yeah, because I believe you have a gay black brother, a friend lonely enough to smoke his own meat and that your mom was a groupie for Supertramp."
45723,154,7,18,They named their band for her!
45724,154,7,18,You remembered all that?
45725,154,7,18,"Well, yeah. I mean, you're more interesting than the lyrics to ""Pour Some Sugar On Me"" for the 8,000th time."
45726,154,7,18,"You know, it's funny."
45727,154,7,18,Almost every woman I've ever met was wrong to give me a chance.
45728,154,7,18,You're the first woman who's wrong not to.
45729,154,7,18,Large black coffee... and whatever he's having.
45730,154,7,18,It's on me.
45731,154,7,18,The same.
45732,154,7,18,Thank you.
45733,154,7,18,You're welcome.
45734,154,7,18,"1,700 more of these and we're even."
45735,154,7,18,"Uh, the song just ended."
45736,154,7,18,That mean you got to get going?
45737,154,7,18,No.
45738,154,7,18,Do you have time to sit with me?
45739,154,7,18,I don't know. You're wearing my watch.
45740,154,7,18,Pottery. Now you're making pottery.
45741,154,7,18,I needed a new vase... and some plates.
45742,154,7,18,And bowls.
45743,154,7,18,The china cabinet I built had some design flaws.
45744,154,7,18,Why don't you just turn this into a guest room?
45745,154,7,18,A guest room?
45746,154,7,18,(chuckles) You mean a room ready and waiting for someone who isn't there?
45747,154,7,18,A room devoted to reminding me that I'm still alone?
45748,154,7,18,"Yeah, I don't need that."
45749,154,7,18,"Ted, no matter how many things you put in this room..."
45750,154,7,18,I'll still be here.
45751,154,7,18,(knocking)
45752,154,7,18,Hey.
45753,154,7,18,Hey!
45754,154,7,18,Come on in.
45755,154,7,18,Thanks.
45756,154,7,18,"Oh, um, thanks for packing up the rest of my stuff."
45757,154,7,18,"No problem. Uh, you want some coffee?"
45758,154,7,18,"Uh, sure. Yeah? Yeah."
45759,154,7,18,"So, how are things?"
45760,154,7,18,Good! You? Great!
45761,154,7,18,"You know, I actually made this mug."
45762,154,7,18,"Oh, yeah? Oh! Yeah. Oh!"
45763,154,7,18,"Yeah, sorry, coffee's a little strong."
45764,154,7,18,How was your stay with Marshall and Lily?
45765,154,7,18,Uh... a little weird.
45766,154,7,18,They're not loving Long Island.
45767,154,7,18,Oh.
45768,154,7,18,"I think deep down, they realize it just... isn't a good fit."
45769,154,7,18,It's hard to admit that sometimes.
45770,154,7,18,Sure is.
45771,154,7,18,"But I guess it's better to face it and move on than try to force something that just isn't meant to be, right?"
45772,154,7,18,I think so.
45773,154,7,18,Yeah.
45774,154,7,18,"So, what do you think you're gonna do with my old room?"
45775,154,7,18,Haven't really thought about it.
45776,154,7,18,Oh!
45777,154,7,18,Who needs Manhattan?
45778,154,7,18,Yeah.
45779,154,7,18,(phone buzzes)
45780,154,7,18,"Hmm, it's Ted. He wants to know if we want to hang out in the city."
45781,154,7,18,The next train leaves in nine minutes.
45782,154,7,18,(door closes)
45783,154,7,18,"Ted: Dear Lily and Marshall, I don't know if you know this, but I never took your names off the lease."
45784,154,7,18,"Well, today I took my name off it."
45785,154,7,18,The apartment is now yours.
45786,154,7,18,And I think I finally figured out the best thing to do with Robin's old room.
45787,154,7,18,(soft gasp)
45788,154,7,18,"See, for me, this place has begun to feel a little haunted."
45789,154,7,18,"At first, I thought it was haunted by Robin, but now I think it was haunted by me."
45790,154,7,18,"Well, no ghost is at peace until it finally moves on."
45791,154,7,18,I need a change.
45792,154,7,18,"And I think you do, too."
45793,154,7,18,This apartment needs some new life.
45794,154,7,18,"So, please, make our old home your new home."
45795,154,7,18,It is now ghost-free.
45796,155,7,19,"Narrator: Kids, in the spring of 2012, your Uncle Barney went off the grid for a couple weeks."
45797,155,7,19,So I was relieved when I got a text asking me to come over to his place.
45798,155,7,19,"Glad to hear from you, buddy."
45799,155,7,19,I was worried something bad happened...
45800,155,7,19,...to you.
45801,155,7,19,"Welcome, brother."
45802,155,7,19,What is this?
45803,155,7,19,"Ted Evelyn Mosby, you are about to be sworn to secrecy through the sacred vows of a Bro Oath, or ""Broath."""
45804,155,7,19,"Please, put on your ""brobe."""
45805,155,7,19,"Yeah, I'm not putting on the ""brobe."""
45806,155,7,19,"Ted, just... just... Okay?"
45807,155,7,19,(Gregorian chant over stereo): ♪ Broooo... ♪
45808,155,7,19,"Wait, are they chanting ""bro""?"
45809,155,7,19,♪ Bro... ♪
45810,155,7,19,I got some local monks to record this.
45811,155,7,19,Yeah! I got a monk guy.
45812,155,7,19,"Cool, right?"
45813,155,7,19,"It actually is, yeah."
45814,155,7,19,I'll burn it for you.
45815,155,7,19,Just remind me after The Broath.
45816,155,7,19,"Anyway, Ted Evelyn Mosby, this ritual forever binds you to keep a solemn secret..."
45817,155,7,19,Which is?
45818,155,7,19,I really like this Quinn girl!
45819,155,7,19,"We've been spending tons of time together, and I want the gang to meet her. but I'm afraid they're gonna disapprove because, well, you know. NARRATOR: I did know. You see, Quinn was a stripper... who had swindled Barney out of quite a bit of cash."
45820,155,7,19,"We're inviting everyone to dinner at Quinn's, and I want them to keep an open mind, which brings us to The Broath."
45821,155,7,19,Place your hand on The Bro Code.
45822,155,7,19,"Yeah, yeah, yeah... ""I, Ted ""Why Did I Ever Tell You My Middle Name"" Mosby..."""
45823,155,7,19,"...solemnly swear not to tell our friends that Quinn is a stripper. ""...solemnly swear not to tell our friends that Quinn is a stripper"" who duped you out of lots of money."
45824,155,7,19,"You're only supposed to repeat after me. ""You're only supposed to repeat after me."""
45825,155,7,19,Stop it.
45826,155,7,19,Stop it.
45827,155,7,19,Silence!
45828,155,7,19,"Look, I know that things started out sketchy with me and Quinn, but I really like her, so please."
45829,155,7,19,"Do you, Ted Middle-Name-Omitted Mosby, swear to uphold this Broath?"
45830,155,7,19,I do.
45831,155,7,19,Barney's dating a stripper who's gonna steal all his money!
45832,155,7,19,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x19 ♪
45833,155,7,19,The Broath
45834,155,7,19,"Original Air Date on March 19, 2012"
45835,155,7,19,"Okay, time to go to Quinn's. Now remember, I told you nothing, okay?"
45836,155,7,19,Barney really wants us all to like her.
45837,155,7,19,But how can we?
45838,155,7,19,"Quinn totally duped Barney, and he couldn't even see it."
45839,155,7,19,"Well, apparently, the s*x is mind-blowing."
45840,155,7,19,"Ha, I've been there. Yeah."
45841,155,7,19,"I was once with this chick who answered the door wearing nothing but, uh, whipped cream, a dog collar and a hot pink thong."
45842,155,7,19,"Lily: Marshall, you can't tell s*x stories about ""this chick,"" because everyone knows it's me."
45843,155,7,19,I'm the only woman you've ever been with.
45844,155,7,19,"It's not fair, the guys are always telling their s*x stories and I can top every one of them."
45845,155,7,19,"Baby, you're like 20 slutty chicks all rolled into one."
45846,155,7,19,Sweet talk is not going to change my mind.
45847,155,7,19,Let's focus.
45848,155,7,19,"Tonight, we want to make sure that Quinn is not out to scam Barney."
45849,155,7,19,"So, when we walk back through that door three hours from now, we should all be able to answer one simple question: Do we trust this girl?"
45850,155,7,19,"Well, for one thing, she seems kind of controlling."
45851,155,7,19,"Is it okay if I put out the hummus, bunny face?"
45852,155,7,19,"No, save it for dessert."
45853,155,7,19,Idiot.
45854,155,7,19,(all laughing)
45855,155,7,19,(snaps fingers)
45856,155,7,19,"(chuckles) Uh, ah..."
45857,155,7,19,"More red wine, beauty-swan?"
45858,155,7,19,She drinks a lot.
45859,155,7,19,"Is it okay if I go pee, sugar lamb?"
45860,155,7,19,No!
45861,155,7,19,You just went three hours ago.
45862,155,7,19,"You're right, baby bear!"
45863,155,7,19,(moans)
45864,155,7,19,"Yes, so Barney's whipped; it doesn't mean that Quinn is a con artist."
45865,155,7,19,"Well, maybe we could've gotten a better read on her if two people hadn't gone off topic."
45866,155,7,19,"By the way, Quinn, your apartment is amazing."
45867,155,7,19,"Oh, yeah, it's beautiful."
45868,155,7,19,I'm actually moving out soon.
45869,155,7,19,"If you know anyone looking for a sublet, this place is rent-controlled."
45870,155,7,19,You would not believe what I pay.
45871,155,7,19,"Narrator: Kids, things have been tense between Robin and I for weeks."
45872,155,7,19,"Ever since she moved out, and I gave the apartment to Marshall and Lily, I'd been crashing in university housing."
45873,155,7,19,"It's 10:00, damn it."
45874,155,7,19,"Ned, Martin and Millie, people are trying to sleep!"
45875,155,7,19,"Hey, you were young like us once, right?"
45876,155,7,19,I was never like you guys.
45877,155,7,19,"Narrator: And Robin was staying with her coworker, Patrice."
45878,155,7,19,"You seem so down today, Robin."
45879,155,7,19,I made you cookies.
45880,155,7,19,"Damn it, Patrice, stop smothering me!"
45881,155,7,19,"Narrator: So, when Quinn said her apartment was available..."
45882,155,7,19,ROBIN/TED: It's mine! It's mine! It's mine!
45883,155,7,19,Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!
45884,155,7,19,We got off topic? What about Marshall?
45885,155,7,19,"Hey, I was just going along with whoever suggested we play that game."
45886,155,7,19,"Hey, let's play a game!"
45887,155,7,19,"Uh, craziest sex-in-public story; I'll start."
45888,155,7,19,I was once with this chick who loved to get freaky in elevators.
45889,155,7,19,"Doors would close; suddenly, she's panting on all fours like a dog in heat."
45890,155,7,19,(panting)
45891,155,7,19,"Marshall, stop."
45892,155,7,19,I never said that it was you.
45893,155,7,19,"Okay, so anyway, last August, I go bareback with this same slut."
45894,155,7,19,She get's pregnant; bitch is even hornier.
45895,155,7,19,"Oh, yeah? I was once with this dude who I caught eating a sandwich during s*x."
45896,155,7,19,"Big ol' meatball falls out, lands on my back, rolls on to the elevator floor."
45897,155,7,19,"Hmm. Disgusting, right?"
45898,155,7,19,"What, I never said it was you."
45899,155,7,19,"Yeah, sorry we didn't stay as laser-focused as you guys."
45900,155,7,19,"Hey, at least I got some evidence."
45901,155,7,19,Look what I found in Quinn's bedroom.
45902,155,7,19,Barney's taking her to Hawaii.
45903,155,7,19,"Lily, you snooped through her stuff?"
45904,155,7,19,"No. It's like the first thing you see when you jimmy open her desk drawer with a letter opener her grandfather left her, according to her diary."
45905,155,7,19,"Robin: First-class tickets, a four-star hotel--"
45906,155,7,19,this cost Barney a fortune.
45907,155,7,19,"Yeah, this proves that Quinn is totally using him for his money."
45908,155,7,19,"You know what Lily, enough."
45909,155,7,19,"Guys, even if you're right about Quinn, this is Barney."
45910,155,7,19,He'll come to his senses.
45911,155,7,19,"I give this whole thing a week, two weeks, tops."
45912,155,7,19,"And now, we have an announcement."
45913,155,7,19,Can I tell them?
45914,155,7,19,No.
45915,155,7,19,We're moving in together We're m...
45916,155,7,19,Congrats! That's great. So happy for you.
45917,155,7,19,We gotta end this.
45918,155,7,19,All: Yup.
45919,155,7,19,"Narrator: Kids, as you'll recall, our gang had a subtle way of letting someone know they were making a mistake."
45920,155,7,19,Where have you been?
45921,155,7,19,"Oh, worth it. Hang on."
45922,155,7,19,Hey.
45923,155,7,19,"You know we would've hated ourselves, right?"
45924,155,7,19,"So, did Robin tell you the incredibly devious thing she did today?"
45925,155,7,19,Me?!
45926,155,7,19,"Hey, so I just happened to be in the neighborhood and I thought, ""Man, Quinn is in such great shape, she must love fruit."""
45927,155,7,19,(chuckles)
45928,155,7,19,"So, unrelated, how's the search for a sub-letter going?"
45929,155,7,19,This is such a weird coincidence!
45930,155,7,19,"Robin also ""just happened"" to be in the neighborhood with a bottle of wine and her credit scores."
45931,155,7,19,(cork pops)
45932,155,7,19,I can't believe you two.
45933,155,7,19,"What do you care about more, protecting your friend from getting hurt or scoring this girl's apartment?"
45934,155,7,19,There's a working fireplace!
45935,155,7,19,Patrice is ironing my pants all wrong!
45936,155,7,19,You guys should be ashamed.
45937,155,7,19,"Speaking of shame, I was once with this chick who liked to do hand stuff underneath a jacket while we were all sitting around our favorite booth at MacLaren's."
45938,155,7,19,Gross.
45939,155,7,19,We share appetizers.
45940,155,7,19,"Okay, well, I was once with a dude who couldn't even fantasize about a three-way."
45941,155,7,19,"He was all, ""Ew, she's your best friend."""
45942,155,7,19,What now?
45943,155,7,19,I was once with a chick who wanted to get it on during a school production of Peter Pan.
45944,155,7,19,"Well, I... Wait, that wasn't me."
45945,155,7,19,"So, back to Patrice and this ironing issue..."
45946,155,7,19,I thought I was the first girl you ever did anything with.
45947,155,7,19,Anything serious.
45948,155,7,19,Please don't tell me that you're jealous of me getting to second base in tenth grade with Jenna Cristalli.
45949,155,7,19,Don't say that whore's name in front of our baby.
45950,155,7,19,What's going on?
45951,155,7,19,"Barney, this in an intervention."
45952,155,7,19,(clears throat)
45953,155,7,19,"A ""Quinntervention."""
45954,155,7,19,"You and Quinn are moving really fast, and we don't trust her."
45955,155,7,19,We're just looking out for your best interests.
45956,155,7,19,(clears throat)
45957,155,7,19,"""Quinn-terests."""
45958,155,7,19,I don't understand. Wh...
45959,155,7,19,Wait a sec.
45960,155,7,19,Ted Evelyn Mosby... you broke The Broath.
45961,155,7,19,How dare you?!
45962,155,7,19,"A Broath is the most sacred bond between-- okay, yeah, I did."
45963,155,7,19,"Are you aware that breaking a Broath can have deadly, even fatal repercussions?"
45964,155,7,19,"Have you studied history, Ted?"
45965,155,7,19,"Extensively. But I'm a little shaky on fake history, so..."
45966,155,7,19,The tragic cost of a broken Broath Uh-huh. dates back to Ancient Bro-man times...
45967,155,7,19,"Hey, Bro-tus, you'd tell me if, like, a bunch of dudes were conspiring to assassinate me, right?"
45968,155,7,19,"Um, totally, Caesar."
45969,155,7,19,Paranoid much?
45970,155,7,19,(wry chuckle)
45971,155,7,19,"Just to be sure, can you swear a Broath to me?"
45972,155,7,19,Sure. I swear.
45973,155,7,19,Thanks.
45974,155,7,19,You've always got my back.
45975,155,7,19,(clicks tongue)
45976,155,7,19,(whistling)
45977,155,7,19,(ninjas grunting)
45978,155,7,19,(grunting)
45979,155,7,19,"Et tu, Bro-te?"
45980,155,7,19,(grunts)
45981,155,7,19,(gasps and groans)
45982,155,7,19,"And then he banged, like, a hundred chicks and invented a salad."
45983,155,7,19,True story.
45984,155,7,19,"Well, Quinn lied to you; she manipulated you."
45985,155,7,19,What if she's just using you?
45986,155,7,19,She's not just using me.
45987,155,7,19,What about the expensive trip to Hawaii?
45988,155,7,19,What expensive trip to Hawaii?
45989,155,7,19,The one I got for you.
45990,155,7,19,That was supposed to be a surprise for Barney.
45991,155,7,19,He asked me to meet him here.
45992,155,7,19,"What's going on, you guys?"
45993,155,7,19,Tell her.
45994,155,7,19,"(scoffs) Fine, I'll fill her in."
45995,155,7,19,"And I am so angry, I'm not even gonna make a joke about ""filling her in."""
45996,155,7,19,"Which I did three times last night, self-five."
45997,155,7,19,"My friends think you're wrong for me, so they're having an intervention."
45998,155,7,19,(clears throat)
45999,155,7,19,"A ""Quinntervention."""
46000,155,7,19,I don't understand.
46001,155,7,19,"Well, see, your name is Quinn, and so..."
46002,155,7,19,I'll explain.
46003,155,7,19,"I made Ted promise not to tell them what you do, but he did, and now they don't trust you."
46004,155,7,19,"Wow, that really hurts."
46005,155,7,19,But what's even worse is that you felt the need to lie about me.
46006,155,7,19,"I'm not ashamed of who I am, Barney, but you clearly are."
46007,155,7,19,I'm not ashamed of you.
46008,155,7,19,I just didn't want them to judge you without...
46009,155,7,19,Maybe we are moving too fast.
46010,155,7,19,What? What is that supposed to mean?
46011,155,7,19,I don't think I can do this.
46012,155,7,19,"Wait, are you ending things just like that?"
46013,155,7,19,"If you walk out that door, you prove them right."
46014,155,7,19,You prove that you're just some heartless stripper who never gave a damn about me in the...
46015,155,7,19,Don't call me.
46016,155,7,19,(door slams)
46017,155,7,19,Wow. That was intense.
46018,155,7,19,(clears throat)
46019,155,7,19,We just destroyed what could have been a once-in-a-lifetime shot at happiness.
46020,155,7,19,"I know. I feel guilty, too."
46021,155,7,19,"Fireplace, balcony, hardwood floors..."
46022,155,7,19,"Okay, I'll just say it: After everything that happened between us, I can't believe you wouldn't back down and let me have Quinn's place."
46023,155,7,19,"Ted, can I talk to you out in the hall?"
46024,155,7,19,Has it ever occurred to you that the last few weeks haven't been easy for me either?
46025,155,7,19,"In the span of one day, my engagement fell apart, I lost my best friend, then I lost my apartment."
46026,155,7,19,And-and now I'm about to lose my job.
46027,155,7,19,What do you mean?
46028,155,7,19,(sighs)
46029,155,7,19,I-I've been completely distracted at work.
46030,155,7,19,"And now my boss wants to see me Friday at 5:00, which, around the office, is known as ""fire o'clock."""
46031,155,7,19,I had no idea.
46032,155,7,19,How could you?
46033,155,7,19,"The one person I want to talk to most barely looks me in the eye anymore, much less returns my calls."
46034,155,7,19,"Ted, I know it took guts to tell me you love me."
46035,155,7,19,"And I-I know how much it hurt that I didn't say it back, but..."
46036,155,7,19,"Damn it, th-this sucks for me, too."
46037,155,7,19,And I-I miss you.
46038,155,7,19,Is there any way we can just... go back to normal?
46039,155,7,19,I don't think I can do normal anymore.
46040,155,7,19,(door opens)
46041,155,7,19,Barney still isn't answering.
46042,155,7,19,We gotta go find him and apologize.
46043,155,7,19,"(knocking, door opens)"
46044,155,7,19,Oh. I thought you were Quinn.
46045,155,7,19,"Barney, we're so sorry."
46046,155,7,19,We never should've meddled like that.
46047,155,7,19,Can you forgive us? I don't know.
46048,155,7,19,You had no right to do that.
46049,155,7,19,"How can we make it up to you, buddy?"
46050,155,7,19,(Gregorian chant playing)
46051,155,7,19,"I, one of Barney's best friends..."
46052,155,7,19,"Others: ""I, one of Barney's best friends..."""
46053,155,7,19,"...promise never to interfere with his personal life again... ""...promise never to interfere with his personal life again..."""
46054,155,7,19,"...unless it's an issue of health, national security, or he's about to get up on a fattie. ""...unless it's an issue of health, national security, or he's about to get up on a fattie."""
46055,155,7,19,"And now, to seal this sacred vow, the two ladies will kiss. Barney..."
46056,155,7,19,The two ladies will kiss!
46057,155,7,19,Mmm.
46058,155,7,19,Lil...
46059,155,7,19,(chuckling)
46060,155,7,19,Okay.
46061,155,7,19,And now the gentlemen.
46062,155,7,19,Dude...
46063,155,7,19,And now the gentlemen!
46064,155,7,19,Let's just... This is silly.
46065,155,7,19,Don't-don't touch my face.
46066,155,7,19,"I was going to say, ""And now the gentlemen bump fists."""
46067,155,7,19,How long you been holding back that one?
46068,155,7,19,"QUINN: Hot stuff, fellas."
46069,155,7,19,Did I see a little tongue in there?
46070,155,7,19,I don't understand.
46071,155,7,19,"Well, if these two will keep their sweaty paws off each other for half a second, I'll explain."
46072,155,7,19,It all started a couple days ago...
46073,155,7,19,I want you to meet my friends.
46074,155,7,19,Should I be nervous?
46075,155,7,19,Is it like bringing me home to meet your parents?
46076,155,7,19,"No, no, no."
46077,155,7,19,Much more stressful than that.
46078,155,7,19,"You see, my friends, while awesome, can be presumptuous, meddlesome and downright destructive."
46079,155,7,19,"When they learn what you do and how we met, they'll probably try to break us up."
46080,155,7,19,So let's have some fun with them.
46081,155,7,19,Mess with their heads.
46082,155,7,19,Are you saying... evil plan?
46083,155,7,19,Hells to the yes.
46084,155,7,19,"My God, you're hot."
46085,155,7,19,Wait for it.
46086,155,7,19,Here's what we do.
46087,155,7,19,"Barney: I'll make Ted swear not to tell anyone what he knows about you, and he'll cave immediately."
46088,155,7,19,Barney's dating a stripper who's gonna steal all his money!
46089,155,7,19,"Next, we invite everyone over."
46090,155,7,19,I'll keep saying stuff like:
46091,155,7,19,"Is it okay if I put out the hummus, bunny face?"
46092,155,7,19,QUINN: And I'll be the bossy bitch who says:
46093,155,7,19,"No, save it for dessert, idiot."
46094,155,7,19,Barney: Nice.
46095,155,7,19,"And, finally, we'll announce..."
46096,155,7,19,We're moving in together!
46097,155,7,19,I've got an idea.
46098,155,7,19,Let's get your friends Ted and Robin fighting over my apartment.
46099,155,7,19,"Wait, what does that have to do with you and me?"
46100,155,7,19,Nothing. I just worship chaos.
46101,155,7,19,I can't handle how hot you are right now.
46102,155,7,19,"Wait for it. Next, BARNEY: they'll try to talk me into dumping you."
46103,155,7,19,QUINN: And I'll walk in on it.
46104,155,7,19,Barney: Then we pretend to break up.
46105,155,7,19,"And when they crawl back, begging for forgiveness..."
46106,155,7,19,I'll be the bigger man and let them off the hook.
46107,155,7,19,QUINN: Or make the monkeys dance for you.
46108,155,7,19,"Barney: God, you're smart!"
46109,155,7,19,It's gonna be legen...
46110,155,7,19,I'm not waiting for it anymore. Mmm...
46111,155,7,19,...dary.
46112,155,7,19,"My God, you two are..."
46113,155,7,19,Perfect together.
46114,155,7,19,So you're not really moving in?
46115,155,7,19,"Well, it started out as a joke, but the more we talked about it..."
46116,155,7,19,The more excited we got.
46117,155,7,19,"So, yeah, we are."
46118,155,7,19,You have anything to say about that?
46119,155,7,19,So happy for you. Congratulations.
46120,155,7,19,Thank you.
46121,155,7,19,Thank you.
46122,155,7,19,"You two realize this means my apartment really is up for grabs, right?"
46123,155,7,19,I'm sure I'll find something else.
46124,155,7,19,"Me, too."
46125,155,7,19,Yeah.
46126,155,7,19,
46127,155,7,19,Narrator: And that's the story of how we met Quinn.
46128,155,7,19,"Ted: That Friday, I met Robin to see how it went at ""fire o'clock."""
46129,155,7,19,They promoted me to on-air talent.
46130,155,7,19,I'm gonna be Sandy Rivers' new co-host.
46131,155,7,19,"Oh, my God!"
46132,155,7,19,How'd that happen?
46133,155,7,19,Remember New Year's Eve?
46134,155,7,19,"When I filled in for Sandy, it turns out"
46135,155,7,19,the C.E.O. of World Wide News liked me.
46136,155,7,19,"He said I have ""moxie."""
46137,155,7,19,So he's a 1940s gangster?
46138,155,7,19,(laughing): Apparently.
46139,155,7,19,"And I got a big raise, so I'm taking this apartment on Central Park West, which means..."
46140,155,7,19,Quinn's apartment.
46141,155,7,19,I already told her you'd take it.
46142,155,7,19,Wow. Thanks.
46143,155,7,19,Yeah.
46144,155,7,19,"Hey, and congrats."
46145,155,7,19,You deserve it all.
46146,155,7,19,"You know, I've been thinking about it, and..."
46147,155,7,19,I can do normal.
46148,155,7,19,To back to normal.
46149,155,7,19,To back to normal.
46150,155,7,19,(clink)
46151,155,7,19,Uh... I-I should get going. Yeah.
46152,155,7,19,You've got a lot to do. Totally.
46153,155,7,19,"So... Um, see you soon."
46154,155,7,19,See you soon.
46155,155,7,19,Yeah.
46156,155,7,19,Narrator: We wouldn't see each other for a long time.
46157,155,7,19,But I'll get to that.
46158,155,7,19,"Listen, um... about me getting to second base in tenth grade with Jenna Cristalli..."
46159,155,7,19,I don't know what you're talking about.
46160,155,7,19,I've already forgotten about that dumb hobag.
46161,155,7,19,"Yeah, um, it didn't happen while we were watching Peter Pan."
46162,155,7,19,It happened while I was playing Peter Pan.
46163,155,7,19,Here's a photo from the day I was cast.
46164,155,7,19,That's me in the middle.
46165,155,7,19,But then I had my growth spurt.
46166,155,7,19,"By opening night, I was too big for the flying harness, and, well..."
46167,155,7,19,I fell hands-first right onto Jenna Cristalli.
46168,155,7,19,The tissues in her bra saved me two broken wrists.
46169,155,7,19,"I'm sorry. I just, I just wanted to have one cool s*x story that wasn't you."
46170,155,7,19,"Okay. Next time you tell it, you were in your dad's car, which you stole to go to a Metallica concert, and you got to third base with that slut."
46171,155,7,19,I was once with this chick... who is just the best wife ever.
46172,155,7,19,Thank you for being so cool about what I do.
46173,155,7,19,A lot of guys would be weird or jealous.
46174,155,7,19,Are you kidding?
46175,155,7,19,Who am I to judge anyone? I'm the devil!
46176,155,7,19,"I mean, if you ever wanted to stop stripping, I'd support it."
46177,155,7,19,If you wanted... to.
46178,155,7,19,Uh-huh.
46179,155,7,19,"So, you are jealous?"
46180,155,7,19,"What? No, no, not at all."
46181,155,7,19,"I'm just saying, if you ever wanted to hang up the ol' G-string, I'd completely understand."
46182,155,7,19,"Nah, I like taking my clothes off for money."
46183,155,7,19,Great.
46184,155,7,19,Let me... let me finish.
46185,155,7,19,"Hypothetically, what would make you stop?"
46186,155,7,19,Hypothetically...
46187,155,7,19,I would stop stripping if I ever got married.
46188,155,7,19,Good night.
46189,155,7,19,"And then we agreed to ""go back to normal."""
46190,155,7,19,But I'm starting to wonder if we can ever really just be friends.
46191,155,7,19,"Anyway, that's the story of me and Robin, 2005 to the present."
46192,155,7,19,What do you think?
46193,155,7,19,I think your stories are way too long.
46194,155,7,19,"I feel bad for his future kids, dude."
46195,155,7,19,"Hey, my kids are gonna love my stories."
46196,156,7,20,"Chester, you're not even dressed."
46197,156,7,20,The reservation is in 15 minutes.
46198,156,7,20,Shh!
46199,156,7,20,He's back.
46200,156,7,20,"Every night at exactly 8:00 p.m., the well-dressed blond man appears."
46201,156,7,20,Woman: Chuck and Joanne are going to be waiting. You don't understand!
46202,156,7,20,"Every night, he does this."
46203,156,7,20,Every single night.
46204,156,7,20,"He steps out of this building, walks exactly seven paces, stops, and smiles."
46205,156,7,20,"Honey, I am worried about you."
46206,156,7,20,Is he trying to communicate with someone?
46207,156,7,20,Is he trying to communicate with me?
46208,156,7,20,Why is he doing this?!
46209,156,7,20,"But aside from not being able to fart in the apartment, how's living with Quinn?"
46210,156,7,20,"Oh, it's great."
46211,156,7,20,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x20 ♪
46212,156,7,20,Trilogy Time
46213,156,7,20,"Original Air Date on April 9, 2012"
46214,156,7,20,Yep.
46215,156,7,20,Living with Quinn is great.
46216,156,7,20,"Great, great, great... great."
46217,156,7,20,So how bad is it?
46218,156,7,20,Pretty bad.
46219,156,7,20,"Last night, I had just come back from my 8:00 fart."
46220,156,7,20,Sure.
46221,156,7,20,Go on.
46222,156,7,20,Still no mail.
46223,156,7,20,I think they only deliver it once a day.
46224,156,7,20,"Hey, listen, when I moved in here, I sold all my stuff because I know you like your place as is, and I was totally fine with that."
46225,156,7,20,"Just one little thing: would it be okay if instead of using your coffee mugs, we use mine?"
46226,156,7,20,Hmm...
46227,156,7,20,"Oh, I see what this is really about."
46228,156,7,20,"Yeah, mugs."
46229,156,7,20,Coffee?
46230,156,7,20,Tea?
46231,156,7,20,"Eh, religion."
46232,156,7,20,This is about the fact that you don't think this relationship is gonna last.
46233,156,7,20,That's why you don't want to throw anything out.
46234,156,7,20,"Because when that inevitable breakup comes, you don't want to buy new mugs."
46235,156,7,20,That's why I've never thrown anything out for any relationship ever.
46236,156,7,20,"Isn't that right, honey?"
46237,156,7,20,"Oh, that's right. I'm alone."
46238,156,7,20,"Lily, here's the thing."
46239,156,7,20,"It's my apartment, and I need to assert my dominance as a man."
46240,156,7,20,Don't ever say that... to any girl ever.
46241,156,7,20,Too late.
46242,156,7,20,What did you just say to me?
46243,156,7,20,She gave up her apartment for you!
46244,156,7,20,You said that to her?!
46245,156,7,20,"Okay, you know what?"
46246,156,7,20,I don't have to sit here and take this from you ladies.
46247,156,7,20,I'm going to Ted's.
46248,156,7,20,"The man cave, where guys can be guys."
46249,156,7,20,Assert your dominance?
46250,156,7,20,It's like you have no respect for women.
46251,156,7,20,What is wrong with you?
46252,156,7,20,You have a mother!
46253,156,7,20,"You guys, too?"
46254,156,7,20,(scoffs)
46255,156,7,20,I'm going to the Y for a shvitz.
46256,156,7,20,"No, dude, hold on."
46257,156,7,20,You're not going anywhere.
46258,156,7,20,It's trilogy time.
46259,156,7,20,(gasps)
46260,156,7,20,(yells)
46261,156,7,20,"Narrator: Kids, here's the deal with trilogy time:"
46262,156,7,20,It all started a long time ago
46263,156,7,20,"in a dorm room far, far away."
46264,156,7,20,"Dude, if we fail this econ final, for the rest of our lives we're not gonna be able to..."
46265,156,7,20,We won't know how to...
46266,156,7,20,Do you even know what econ is?
46267,156,7,20,No idea. We're screwed.
46268,156,7,20,But there's only one thing left to do at at time like this.
46269,156,7,20,Watch the entire Star Wars
46270,156,7,20,"trilogy all the way through because I haven't done that in, like, five years."
46271,156,7,20,"Dude, you can't let that happen."
46272,156,7,20,"If you're not trilling it at least once every three years, the Dark Side wins."
46273,156,7,20,"Okay, let's make a pact."
46274,156,7,20,"No matter what, every three years, we sit down and trill it up big time."
46275,156,7,20,Agreed?
46276,156,7,20,A-Greedo.
46277,156,7,20,Wow.
46278,156,7,20,"2003, I mean..."
46279,156,7,20,What's that gonna be like?
46280,156,7,20,"Hey, Ted."
46281,156,7,20,Sweet hair.
46282,156,7,20,I told you it would eventually stop growing out and start growing down.
46283,156,7,20,"Anyway, I'm just working on designing yet another skyscraper."
46284,156,7,20,And I'm carrying this briefcase because now I'm a successful lawyer...
46285,156,7,20,I like that.
46286,156,7,20,Can I make one adjustment?
46287,156,7,20,...with a cool mustache.
46288,156,7,20,Nice.
46289,156,7,20,"And who knows, by then, you and Lily might be engaged."
46290,156,7,20,"Engaged? Bro, I'm gonna do way better than that."
46291,156,7,20,"Ah, being pregnant is so much fun."
46292,156,7,20,I want to do this four more times.
46293,156,7,20,"Oh, baby, how do you feel after spending all day working on your art, since I make enough to support us both financially?"
46294,156,7,20,Horny.
46295,156,7,20,"I hope we don't bother you, Ted, because even though we're married and pregnant, it still makes sense that we all share adult-sized bunk beds."
46296,156,7,20,"So, Star Wars?"
46297,156,7,20,"Sure, I don't have to be at work until late afternoon-ish because my boss appreciates that I like to stay up late drinking and... rocking out with our band."
46298,156,7,20,Did someone say rocking out?
46299,156,7,20,♪ ♪
46300,156,7,20,"Whoa, who's the babe?"
46301,156,7,20,That's the best part.
46302,156,7,20,"Guys, you remember my awesome girlfriend who was a virgin until we met?"
46303,156,7,20,Mm-hmm.
46304,156,7,20,"My name's Rhiannon, like the Stevie Nicks song."
46305,156,7,20,"I'm hot, but in a crunchy, earthy kind of way."
46306,156,7,20,"(British accent): Oh, and I'm from England."
46307,156,7,20,Nice.
46308,156,7,20,"Okay, Star Wars time."
46309,156,7,20,"But first, we jam."
46310,156,7,20,Good thing I spent the last three years learning to wail on guitar.
46311,156,7,20,♪ ♪
46312,156,7,20,Babe.
46313,156,7,20,"Yup, our band is gonna be in demand."
46314,156,7,20,"And luckily, there'll be plenty of supply."
46315,156,7,20,Supply? Demand?
46316,156,7,20,"Dude, do you realize what we just did?"
46317,156,7,20,We used econ.
46318,156,7,20,We're gonna ace this final.
46319,156,7,20,Narrator: We both got zeroes.
46320,156,7,20,"Oh, dude,"
46321,156,7,20,2003 is gonna be awesome.
46322,156,7,20,(playing out-of-tune chords)
46323,156,7,20,"""Satisfaction""? ""Hot Cross Buns."""
46324,156,7,20,"Well, keep it up, bro."
46325,156,7,20,"So, you ready to watch the trilogy?"
46326,156,7,20,(sighs)
46327,156,7,20,I don't know.
46328,156,7,20,"I mean, I really thought that by now I'd be a lawyer with a kick-ass mustache, but I still haven't even gotten into law school, and my facial hair just grows in patchy."
46329,156,7,20,Just red and patchy.
46330,156,7,20,Come on. Your life's not that bad.
46331,156,7,20,"Dude, I manage a Structure."
46332,156,7,20,But you get 10% off vests. That's something.
46333,156,7,20,"The vests are pretty sweet, but, look..."
46334,156,7,20,Yeah.
46335,156,7,20,Lily and I aren't married.
46336,156,7,20,We don't have a baby on the way.
46337,156,7,20,But we did get the cool apartment.
46338,156,7,20,That we can barely afford.
46339,156,7,20,"I mean, I don't see any way that our lives are better now than they were three years ago."
46340,156,7,20,"Barney: Oh, really, Marshall? Nothing comes to mind?"
46341,156,7,20,"By the way, guys, this is Lisa."
46342,156,7,20,You'll be seeing a lot more of Lisa.
46343,156,7,20,And they never saw her again.
46344,156,7,20,Whassaaaa!
46345,156,7,20,"Okay, three years ago, we had this whole fantasy about how great our lives were gonna be, and it didn't pan out."
46346,156,7,20,"But I'm telling you, three years from now, when we're watching the trilogy in 2006, our lives are gonna be awesome."
46347,156,7,20,(classical music playing)
46348,156,7,20,"Ah, hello, Ted."
46349,156,7,20,I'm an environmental lawyer now.
46350,156,7,20,"Sure, it's not the most lucrative field, but luckily I have the cash and prizes from my historic seven-week run on Wheel of Fortune..."
46351,156,7,20,Can I just make one little adjustment?
46352,156,7,20,"...for which I was knighted by Her Majesty, the Queen."
46353,156,7,20,"Ah, Lady Aldrin."
46354,156,7,20,"Oh, Sir Marshall."
46355,156,7,20,"I cannot wait to get a house down the street from your parents so we can be close to your mom, whom I get along with now."
46356,156,7,20,"Good, good."
46357,156,7,20,But here's the best part.
46358,156,7,20,"Rhiannon, hurry!"
46359,156,7,20,Just because I designed the opera house doesn't mean they'll hold the curtain for us.
46360,156,7,20,(chuckles)
46361,156,7,20,Just kidding.
46362,156,7,20,Of course it does.
46363,156,7,20,"Take your time, my love."
46364,156,7,20,"Hey, guys, it's me again."
46365,156,7,20,"I'm pretty much the same as last time, only now I'm super-rich and fancy."
46366,156,7,20,(speaking French): And it still makes sense that we all live together.
46367,156,7,20,(laughter)
46368,156,7,20,"What about you, Barney?"
46369,156,7,20,Any predictions for 2006?
46370,156,7,20,"Oh, yeah. Picture it."
46371,156,7,20,"By the way, guys, this is Jody."
46372,156,7,20,You'll be seeing a lot more of Jody.
46373,156,7,20,And they never saw her again.
46374,156,7,20,Whassaaaa!
46375,156,7,20,How is that any different from your life right now?
46376,156,7,20,"It's not. I'm KFC, baby."
46377,156,7,20,You don't mess with the Colonel's recipe.
46378,156,7,20,"I want things to stay exactly the same, but with a different hottie. 'Cause Barney don't slurp no sloppy seconds, especially his own."
46379,156,7,20,"Okay, the bottom line is things are gonna get better."
46380,156,7,20,"Well, all I care about is getting into law school."
46381,156,7,20,You will.
46382,156,7,20,2006 is gonna be awesome.
46383,156,7,20,And look what happened.
46384,156,7,20,"You got into law school, just like I said you would."
46385,156,7,20,"See, things aren't so bad."
46386,156,7,20,Lily left me.
46387,156,7,20,And now I'll never have a mustache.
46388,156,7,20,
46389,156,7,20,"Baby, there you are."
46390,156,7,20,"I have spent all day thinking about all the naughty, naughty things you and I are gonna do to cheer up Marshall."
46391,156,7,20,Like what?
46392,156,7,20,Um...
46393,156,7,20,"Uh, I'll you guys hang out, okay?"
46394,156,7,20,"Um, I'll just be... waiting in the bedroom."
46395,156,7,20,"(giggles, groans)"
46396,156,7,20,"Oh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean that to sound like Ted and I are gonna do a kind of thing."
46397,156,7,20,"Okay, okay."
46398,156,7,20,See you.
46399,156,7,20,"Marshall, this will pass."
46400,156,7,20,Trust me.
46401,156,7,20,Three years from now...
46402,156,7,20,"Briefcase, lawyer, knighthood, mustache, all that stuff from before."
46403,156,7,20,"Congratulations, bro."
46404,156,7,20,"And congratulations to you too, Ted, for locking this down."
46405,156,7,20,"You know, it's weird, I never thought I would get married, but you talked me into it."
46406,156,7,20,"Or rather, banged me into it."
46407,156,7,20,"You're so good in bed, ooh."
46408,156,7,20,(kissing noisily)
46409,156,7,20,How is this helping me?
46410,156,7,20,I'm getting to it.
46411,156,7,20,"In three years, not only will Lily be back, but..."
46412,156,7,20,(sighs) It's so nice to be married to a wonderful guy and be carrying his child.
46413,156,7,20,"I think you're being kind of optimistic, Ted."
46414,156,7,20,Can I make one little adjustment?
46415,156,7,20,"(sighs) It's so nice to be married to a wonderful guy and carrying his child, and here he is now."
46416,156,7,20,"Guys, I want you to meet some douchey guy named Trey. 'Sup, bro?"
46417,156,7,20,Mmm.
46418,156,7,20,I don't know what I love more: his thick mustache or his trucker hat.
46419,156,7,20,You know I hate those hats.
46420,156,7,20,Then you're really gonna hate this sonogram.
46421,156,7,20,Nooo... ooo...!
46422,156,7,20,(chuckles) A baby in a trucker hat. That's awesome.
46423,156,7,20,"Anyway, Ted's right."
46424,156,7,20,2009's gonna rule.
46425,156,7,20,"By the way, guys, this is Maya."
46426,156,7,20,You'll be seeing a lot more of Maya.
46427,156,7,20,(laughs)
46428,156,7,20,And they never saw her again.
46429,156,7,20,Whassaaaa!
46430,156,7,20,"Okay, seriously, at least tell me you're gonna change the what will by then be nine-year-old beer commercial reference."
46431,156,7,20,"I mean, come on."
46432,156,7,20,There's got to be at least one way that you'd like the future to be different.
46433,156,7,20,I guess there is one thing.
46434,156,7,20,"By the way, guys, this is Maya."
46435,156,7,20,You'll be seeing a lot more of Maya.
46436,156,7,20,And not because of these these.
46437,156,7,20,Because of these.
46438,156,7,20,Back boobs--
46439,156,7,20,the visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy-style.
46440,156,7,20,Patent pending.
46441,156,7,20,Whassaaaa!
46442,156,7,20,"The point is, Marshall, this time in three years, everything is gonna be great."
46443,156,7,20,See? Lily came back.
46444,156,7,20,"Of course, Robin and I didn't end up together."
46445,156,7,20,But I did get engaged.
46446,156,7,20,And left at the altar.
46447,156,7,20,But I did start my own architectural firm.
46448,156,7,20,And it failed after a few months.
46449,156,7,20,"Can we put the movie on, please?"
46450,156,7,20,Yeah.
46451,156,7,20,"Sure, buddy."
46452,156,7,20,"Hey, by the way, where is Robin?"
46453,156,7,20,"In the summer of 2009, Barney and Robin were secretly dating."
46454,156,7,20,"Oh, uh, Barney said she's taking some extension class in how to decoupage, and Barney's taking a different decoupage class in the same building."
46455,156,7,20,That's why they shared that cab that one time.
46456,156,7,20,We were idiots.
46457,156,7,20,Wait a minute.
46458,156,7,20,You're saying that Barney Stinson is at a decoupage class?
46459,156,7,20,That means we can watch
46460,156,7,20,Star Wars on his giant TV!
46461,156,7,20,"Punch it, Chewy!"
46462,156,7,20,"(panting, moaning)"
46463,156,7,20,Oh.
46464,156,7,20,You're back from decoupage.
46465,156,7,20,What's decoupage?
46466,156,7,20,"Oh, uh, yeah, I took that cab there that one time."
46467,156,7,20,Hold on.
46468,156,7,20,Come on in.
46469,156,7,20,We were hoping we could watch the trilogy here.
46470,156,7,20,"Uh, sure. But, uh... first go look out my, uh, bedroom window."
46471,156,7,20,"There's a, uh... naked lady, uh... jumping up and down on a mini-trampoline in the apartment across the, uh... street."
46472,156,7,20,"(gasps, laughs)"
46473,156,7,20,(whispering): Get me out of this thing!
46474,156,7,20,There's no time!
46475,156,7,20,"Barney, I am not ready for them to find out about us."
46476,156,7,20,Then you're gonna have to stay in there for the entire trilogy.
46477,156,7,20,Don't worry. It's only 382 minutes.
46478,156,7,20,Nerd!
46479,156,7,20,"So, where do you guys think we'll be in three years?"
46480,156,7,20,It'll be 2012.
46481,156,7,20,(chuckles)
46482,156,7,20,That's an easy one.
46483,156,7,20,"Guys, this is Sophia."
46484,156,7,20,(glass shatters)
46485,156,7,20,You'll be seeing a lot more of...
46486,156,7,20,"Marshall: Okay, that is so weird."
46487,156,7,20,I was just trying to use the force.
46488,156,7,20,"Do you think instead of making a beer fly out of the fridge, I made that lamp break?"
46489,156,7,20,Either that or the stormtrooper did.
46490,156,7,20,(laughter)
46491,156,7,20,"Oh, the stormtrooper would never do that."
46492,156,7,20,"He knows that lamp costs $1,200."
46493,156,7,20,"Anyway, while it's just us guys, let me ask you something: we've all had that same fantasy about having s*x with a girl in a stormtrooper costume, right?"
46494,156,7,20,"Mmm, no."
46495,156,7,20,Never.
46496,156,7,20,"Guys... come on, no girls around, just us bros."
46497,156,7,20,Safe space.
46498,156,7,20,Let's stop being polite and start gettin' real.
46499,156,7,20,Stormtrooper fantasy.
46500,156,7,20,"Every guy's had that one, right?"
46501,156,7,20,"Not even once, no. No, no, no."
46502,156,7,20,So I'm the weird one?
46503,156,7,20,Yeah. Yeah.
46504,156,7,20,Yeah.
46505,156,7,20,"How about you, Ted?"
46506,156,7,20,"How's your life gonna be different Oh, you know, the usual."
46507,156,7,20,Gonna meet a nice girl and get married.
46508,156,7,20,"I mean, I know I say that every year, but... let's be honest, in 2012, I'll be 34."
46509,156,7,20,"If it still hasn't happened for me by then,"
46510,156,7,20,(laughing): something is seriously wrong with me!
46511,156,7,20,(laughter continues)
46512,156,7,20,Something is seriously wrong with me.
46513,156,7,20,I can't do this anymore.
46514,156,7,20,I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time when all the evidence points to the contrary.
46515,156,7,20,You really think that three years from now things aren't gonna be awesome?
46516,156,7,20,I'll tell you what things are gonna be like three years from now.
46517,156,7,20,"Uh, yes, hello. I see on my frozen entree for one they printed this number where I can voice comments and concerns."
46518,156,7,20,"Well, there's more cinnamon in the cobbler than usual."
46519,156,7,20,"No, I like cinnamon."
46520,156,7,20,"Oh, you're very welcome for my comment."
46521,156,7,20,"Wait! Uh, don't go."
46522,156,7,20,Um... do you like cinnamon?
46523,156,7,20,Hello? Hello?
46524,156,7,20,"Marshall, you want to watch Star Wars?"
46525,156,7,20,"No, can do, old bean!"
46526,156,7,20,"You see, we're up on the Cape living the idyllic family lifestyle that you've always dreamed of."
46527,156,7,20,"Oh, and I'm pregnant with baby #5!"
46528,156,7,20,But baby #4 isn't even out yet.
46529,156,7,20,I'm just that good!
46530,156,7,20,(chuckles)
46531,156,7,20,"Oh, oh, hold on."
46532,156,7,20,There's somebody wants to say hello to you.
46533,156,7,20,(chuckles softly)
46534,156,7,20,"Hey, Ted."
46535,156,7,20,"I just wanted to say that things are great, and I'm married to that douchey guy in the trucker hat."
46536,156,7,20,"Whassup, bra?"
46537,156,7,20,It turns out it was just you
46538,156,7,20,I didn't want to commit to.
46539,156,7,20,(laughter)
46540,156,7,20,"Oh, and I got back boobs."
46541,156,7,20,(giggles)
46542,156,7,20,So things are great!
46543,156,7,20,Buh-bye!
46544,156,7,20,(squeals)
46545,156,7,20,(laughter)
46546,156,7,20,(laughter)
46547,156,7,20,"By the way, Ted, this is Melanie."
46548,156,7,20,You'll be seeing a lot more of Melanie.
46549,156,7,20,Barney: Wait-wait-wait a minute!
46550,156,7,20,Who is Melanie?
46551,156,7,20,"Come on, Barney, if there's one thing I can count on not to change, it's you walking in with some random girl on your arm."
46552,156,7,20,"No. No, I don't want that."
46553,156,7,20,"For the first time in my life, I don't want to find myself in three years with some random girl, no matter how many boobs she has."
46554,156,7,20,I want to be with Quinn.
46555,156,7,20,Guys... you're gonna be seeing a lot more of Quinn.
46556,156,7,20,"Dude, we've been to the Lusty Leopard. We've seen plenty."
46557,156,7,20,"I kind of walked into that one. All right, bye-bye."
46558,156,7,20,What are you doing?
46559,156,7,20,"We're living together, I'm excited about it, and I'm getting rid of my mugs."
46560,156,7,20,That was mine.
46561,156,7,20,Sorry. I don't know which are which.
46562,156,7,20,"Truth is, I never drink coffee at home."
46563,156,7,20,This one? Mm-hmm.
46564,156,7,20,There!
46565,156,7,20,I don't need my coffee mugs 'cause I got yours!
46566,156,7,20,For the rest of my life.
46567,156,7,20,Or as... long as you'll have me.
46568,156,7,20,We haven't really talked about the future.
46569,156,7,20,Did I make things awkward?
46570,156,7,20,Just keep smashing mugs.
46571,156,7,20,(chuckles)
46572,156,7,20,Or donate them.
46573,156,7,20,"Point is, I plan on being with you for a long time."
46574,156,7,20,You okay with that?
46575,156,7,20,Sounds great.
46576,156,7,20,(farts)
46577,156,7,20,Ooh.. Oh!
46578,156,7,20,I am so sorry.
46579,156,7,20,"No, no, it's great."
46580,156,7,20,A guy has to be the first one to let 'er rip.
46581,156,7,20,I was actually hoping this would happen soon.
46582,156,7,20,I've been crop-dusting the patio for weeks.
46583,156,7,20,The patio!
46584,156,7,20,Mm-hmm.
46585,156,7,20,"I've been going out on the street, like, exactly this time every night."
46586,156,7,20,"Where are you, blond man?!"
46587,156,7,20,Show yourself!
46588,156,7,20,I will be at my mother's.
46589,156,7,20,"We're a real couple now, aren't we?"
46590,156,7,20,We are.
46591,156,7,20,(chuckles softly)
46592,156,7,20,(both fart)
46593,156,7,20,(chuckles)
46594,156,7,20,"Hey, buddy, I get that you're bummed."
46595,156,7,20,But I got a good feeling about 2015.
46596,156,7,20,I think that's gonna be your year.
46597,156,7,20,"Kids, that was the one time I ever lost faith in the idea that my life would be better in three years."
46598,156,7,20,"And what's funny is, three years from that moment, my life was amazing."
46599,156,7,20,All right! It's trilogy time!
46600,156,7,20,Can I just lodge one complaint?
46601,156,7,20,This is a guy's tradition.
46602,156,7,20,It's kind of a lame move on Ted's part to bring a chick.
46603,156,7,20,"Come on, dude... cut him some slack."
46604,156,7,20,I know. He loves her.
46605,156,7,20,And I'll give him this: she is pretty damn cute.
46606,156,7,20,Thank God she takes after her mother.
46607,156,7,20,"All right, let's watch this thing!"
46608,156,7,20,TV... play Star Wars trilogy.
46609,156,7,20,Play Star Wars tril...
46610,156,7,20,You know what? Screw it.
46611,156,7,20,"Okay, you are about to see something awesome."
46612,156,7,20,And just know this: Han shot first.
46613,156,7,20,I wonder if things'll be a lot different when we watch the trilogy again in 2018.
46614,156,7,20,I hope not.
46615,156,7,20,(panting)
46616,156,7,20,"Oh, that was awesome."
46617,156,7,20,You were right-- not weird.
46618,157,7,21,"So, how's living alone?"
46619,157,7,21,"You know, it's interesting."
46620,157,7,21,"When I first moved into my new apartment,"
46621,157,7,21,I was nervous.
46622,157,7,21,"For the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a roommate."
46623,157,7,21,"But then it hit me: for the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a roommate!"
46624,157,7,21,"If I want to walk around naked, nobody cares."
46625,157,7,21,"If I want to leave the laundry basket in the middle of the living room, nobody stops me."
46626,157,7,21,"If I bring home soup from the deli and leave it in the fridge for two days, nobody eats it."
46627,157,7,21,"And if I do something colossally stupid, nobody ever has to know."
46628,157,7,21,"(loud, high-pitched gasping)"
46629,157,7,21,People make fun of the guy who stays home every night doing nothing.
46630,157,7,21,But the truth is... that guy's a genius.
46631,157,7,21,"Because let's be honest, sitting around watching TV, drinking beer and eating ribs alone is what every red-blooded American would rather be doing at all times."
46632,157,7,21,"Yeah, but wouldn't it be better to have someone to share the..."
46633,157,7,21,"I mean, don't you get lonely without..."
46634,157,7,21,"Yeah, that sounds pretty great."
46635,157,7,21,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x21 ♪
46636,157,7,21,Now We're Even
46637,157,7,21,"Original Air Date on April 16, 2012"
46638,157,7,21,"What's the best thing about dating a stripper, you ask?"
46639,157,7,21,Nope.
46640,157,7,21,Just asked for your drink order.
46641,157,7,21,I'll tell you the best thing about dating a stripper.
46642,157,7,21,He'll just have a scotch.
46643,157,7,21,"Getting to say, ""Hey, I'm dating a stripper."""
46644,157,7,21,And I should go.
46645,157,7,21,Time to make the doughnuts.
46646,157,7,21,(chuckles)
46647,157,7,21,More like time to make some dough sitting on some nuts.
46648,157,7,21,(chuckles)
46649,157,7,21,She's a stripper.
46650,157,7,21,I'm dating her.
46651,157,7,21,I'm dating a stripper. Barney wins.
46652,157,7,21,I'll walk you out.
46653,157,7,21,"I know, a stripper, got it."
46654,157,7,21,"Hey, taxi!"
46655,157,7,21,(whistles)
46656,157,7,21,My girlfriend's a stripper!
46657,157,7,21,"So, Ted, guess where we're having dinner Friday night."
46658,157,7,21,Chez L'Argent.
46659,157,7,21,I am so excited.
46660,157,7,21,We've been trying forever to get this reservation.
46661,157,7,21,Can you hold on for just one second?
46662,157,7,21,What the hell are you doing?
46663,157,7,21,Nothing.
46664,157,7,21,Did you say you had to pee?
46665,157,7,21,No.
46666,157,7,21,"But yeah, I do have to pee."
46667,157,7,21,"Man, this kid better be real freakin' cute!"
46668,157,7,21,What was that all about?
46669,157,7,21,Lily had a s*x dream last night.
46670,157,7,21,(bullet ricocheting)
46671,157,7,21,s*x dream? Do tell.
46672,157,7,21,I was painting the baby furniture...
46673,157,7,21,"(moaning): Oh, yeah."
46674,157,7,21,"Oh, yeah."
46675,157,7,21,"Hurry up, before Marshall gets home."
46676,157,7,21,"Oh, oh..."
46677,157,7,21,Whoa!
46678,157,7,21,"I'm sorry, baby."
46679,157,7,21,Were you asleep?
46680,157,7,21,All pregnant ladies have crazy s*x dreams.
46681,157,7,21,It's just her hormones going berserk.
46682,157,7,21,So who's responsible for her rapid thigh movement this time?
46683,157,7,21,"Oh, my favorite was when she banged George Washington."
46684,157,7,21,I liked the three-way with Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf.
46685,157,7,21,"Oh, he smurfed the smurf out of her."
46686,157,7,21,"Yes, while The Cos smurfed off in the corner."
46687,157,7,21,We all remember. But here's the thing.
46688,157,7,21,"When Lily has dirty dreams about other people, she always tells me."
46689,157,7,21,But this time...
46690,157,7,21,Sounds like you had a crazy dream.
46691,157,7,21,What was it about?
46692,157,7,21,And then her face turned...
46693,157,7,21,vermilion.
46694,157,7,21,"Just... you and me... gettin' it on, monogamously."
46695,157,7,21,Monoga-me-oh-my.
46696,157,7,21,"Not the rose quartz of the slightly embarrassed, or the tomato red of the mildly abashed, vermilion, the color of carnal shame."
46697,157,7,21,Can only mean one thing: Lily dream-banged someone we know.
46698,157,7,21,"Okay, you caught me vermilion-handed."
46699,157,7,21,"The truth is, I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife."
46700,157,7,21,That movie only came out two years ago.
46701,157,7,21,What movie?
46702,157,7,21,You know who I bet it is?
46703,157,7,21,Robin.
46704,157,7,21,(gasps)
46705,157,7,21,Already checked.
46706,157,7,21,Lily and I paid her a visit at the new World Wide News headquarters.
46707,157,7,21,"And I'm so excited, because I've been trying months to get this reservation."
46708,157,7,21,Can you hold on just one second?
46709,157,7,21,What the hell are you doing?!
46710,157,7,21,Nothing.
46711,157,7,21,Nice photo. Oh.
46712,157,7,21,Your passport must be enormous.
46713,157,7,21,(chuckles)
46714,157,7,21,Ugh.
46715,157,7,21,"You know, for the record, I didn't want this."
46716,157,7,21,"Didn't want it, did not approve it."
46717,157,7,21,(chuckles)
46718,157,7,21,It's super embarrassing.
46719,157,7,21,"Hey, Merle."
46720,157,7,21,"So, uh, do you guys want to come up and see my desk?"
46721,157,7,21,"Yeah, why not?"
46722,157,7,21,Come on.
46723,157,7,21,I.D.?
46724,157,7,21,"Oh. Um, that is me."
46725,157,7,21,(chuckles)
46726,157,7,21,"Ma'am, with all due respect, you're a wee bit older than that hottie."
46727,157,7,21,(scoffs)
46728,157,7,21,For God sakes.
46729,157,7,21,"You know, here I am, on national TV every day, and still a guy who spends his whole life sitting next to a giant picture of me has no idea who I am."
46730,157,7,21,This isn't my whole life; I'm in a band.
46731,157,7,21,And we're gonna make it.
46732,157,7,21,"Narrator: And, kids, they did make it."
46733,157,7,21,But I'll get to that later.
46734,157,7,21,"You know what, I'm probably not going to get to that later."
46735,157,7,21,"They had one song, it didn't suck, the end."
46736,157,7,21,You always said it wasn't about being famous.
46737,157,7,21,"You just want to do solid journalism, right?"
46738,157,7,21,"Yeah, well..."
46739,157,7,21,Of course I want to be famous!
46740,157,7,21,"In Canada, I was Robin Sparkles."
46741,157,7,21,I was a cabinhold name.
46742,157,7,21,But here?
46743,157,7,21,"Don't need to see your I.D., Merle."
46744,157,7,21,Everyone knows who you are.
46745,157,7,21,You're Merle.
46746,157,7,21,He was in one skit in the Christmas party!
46747,157,7,21,(sighs)
46748,157,7,21,"Uh, by the way, how is Ted doing?"
46749,157,7,21,"Narrator: Kids, you remember what happened."
46750,157,7,21,"I declared my love, she turned me down, we both moved out of the apartment, and now..."
46751,157,7,21,I haven't talked to him since we... stopped talking.
46752,157,7,21,(chuckles)
46753,157,7,21,He's pretty good.
46754,157,7,21,Pretty good?
46755,157,7,21,"Last night, you ate a box of Froot Loops in your tighty whities."
46756,157,7,21,"No, I demolished a box of Froot Loops, fully nude."
46757,157,7,21,"Yeah, ""pretty good"" works."
46758,157,7,21,"Hey, Barney."
46759,157,7,21,"Hey, Lily."
46760,157,7,21,Do you know what this is about?
46761,157,7,21,Uh-huh.
46762,157,7,21,Do I want to know?
46763,157,7,21,"No, sorry, bro."
46764,157,7,21,Damn it!
46765,157,7,21,"Okay, time for my stuff."
46766,157,7,21,"Guys, I was sitting at home last night, and all of a sudden, I had a piphany."
46767,157,7,21,And my piphany was this...
46768,157,7,21,"Actually, it's, uh, it's ""epiphany."""
46769,157,7,21,"No, Ted, this is the piphany."
46770,157,7,21,And here it is: Make... every... night... legendary.
46771,157,7,21,"Guys, we've had some pretty legendary nights."
46772,157,7,21,But we've also had some nights that weren't so legendary.
46773,157,7,21,"Lookin' at you, The Night Ted Made Us All Watch Norbit."
46774,157,7,21,Eddie Murphy as a fat lady; what's the problem?
46775,157,7,21,That was Eddie Murphy?
46776,157,7,21,The non-legendary nights are done.
46777,157,7,21,"From here on in, every single night of our lives will be a night we'll never forget."
46778,157,7,21,Starting tonight.
46779,157,7,21,"Who's ready for the longest, craziest adventure yet?!"
46780,157,7,21,(bullet ricocheting)
46781,157,7,21,Good.
46782,157,7,21,The weak have been weeded from our herd.
46783,157,7,21,"You ready to rock and roll, Ted?"
46784,157,7,21,"Yeah, I'm going home, too."
46785,157,7,21,I'm sensing some costumes coming up here and I'd rather steer clear.
46786,157,7,21,"Ted, 20 years from now, when you're all alone and I'm President, you're not gonna remember sitting around your apartment doing nothing."
46787,157,7,21,"What you will remember is that tonight, this night... was The Night We Started a Mariachi Band!"
46788,157,7,21,"Uno, dos, tres, quatro!"
46789,157,7,21,(mariachi song ends)
46790,157,7,21,(cheering)
46791,157,7,21,"Okay, you were right."
46792,157,7,21,Memorable night.
46793,157,7,21,"That was nothing compared to mañana, amigo."
46794,157,7,21,Because mañana is gonna be...
46795,157,7,21,The Night We Ate Everything on the Menu!
46796,157,7,21,(groans)
46797,157,7,21,A really memorable night.
46798,157,7,21,But tomorrow night...
46799,157,7,21,Is The Night We Brought a Horse into the Bar!
46800,157,7,21,"Okay, but tomorrow..."
46801,157,7,21,Is The Night We Bungee Jump off the Statue of Liberty!
46802,157,7,21,Nope.
46803,157,7,21,Narrator: That night was the night of Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall's fancy dinner.
46804,157,7,21,Complete with a fancy limo ride.
46805,157,7,21,Surprise!
46806,157,7,21,Hello!
46807,157,7,21,"Hi, Ranjit."
46808,157,7,21,No.
46809,157,7,21,Should I take the West Side Highway?
46810,157,7,21,"Why not, Ranjit?"
46811,157,7,21,"Don't you always just take whatever you want, regardless of anything but your own dirty, sick, twisted appetites?"
46812,157,7,21,I'll stay on Broadway.
46813,157,7,21,I.D.?
46814,157,7,21,"For God's sakes, open your..."
46815,157,7,21,"Yeah, that's about right."
46816,157,7,21,I.D.?
46817,157,7,21,Narrator: Robin had finally learned the lesson that nobody gets famous overnight.
46818,157,7,21,"But here's the crazy part: that night, she got famous."
46819,157,7,21,"Robin, there you are."
46820,157,7,21,Sandy Rivers!
46821,157,7,21,Star of the show.
46822,157,7,21,"What it is, my man. Yeah."
46823,157,7,21,"Robin, I've got something big for you, something huge."
46824,157,7,21,And I want you on it.
46825,157,7,21,"Sandy, you were"
46826,157,7,21,in the harassment video.
46827,157,7,21,"You were great in that, by the way."
46828,157,7,21,"Thanks, holmes."
46829,157,7,21,"And I like the way your filthy little mind works, Robin, but this is real."
46830,157,7,21,Big story's breaking.
46831,157,7,21,Are you afraid of helicopters?
46832,157,7,21,I love helicopters.
46833,157,7,21,"What am I covering, a war? Better!"
46834,157,7,21,Announcer: World Wide News brings you the world.
46835,157,7,21,And now Robin Scherbatsky with traffic.
46836,157,7,21,"You don't want to go bungee jumping, fine."
46837,157,7,21,Tonight's The Night We Stole a Mummy from the Natural History Museum!
46838,157,7,21,"Yeah, I'm not doing that."
46839,157,7,21,"Then get out your MetroCard, Ted, because tonight's The Night We Partied with the Mole People!"
46840,157,7,21,"Barney, I have a Stouffer's lasagna for one in the freezer that is going to be unforgettable."
46841,157,7,21,I have a Sanford and Son
46842,157,7,21,on my DVR that I will take with me to my grave.
46843,157,7,21,I don't need tonight to be any more memorable than that.
46844,157,7,21,"Okay, Sanford and Son"
46845,157,7,21,does sound good.
46846,157,7,21,But if I could just present a counter argument...
46847,157,7,21,"(imitates Redd Foxx): You're locked out, dummy!"
46848,157,7,21,Damn it! Barney!
46849,157,7,21,Give me your phone; I'm calling my super.
46850,157,7,21,"The only person we're calling is everyone we know, because tonight's The Night We Tracked Down Phil Collins, Became Best Friends with Him, and Talked Him into Reuniting with Peter Gabriel, So Then We Got to Sing Backup On The New Genesis Album and It Was Awesome!"
46851,157,7,21,"Fine, I'll use the phone at the bar."
46852,157,7,21,"Ranjit, would you please put up the partition?"
46853,157,7,21,Partition going up.
46854,157,7,21,You had a s*x dream about Ranjit!
46855,157,7,21,Hello.
46856,157,7,21,Ranjit!
46857,157,7,21,Sorry.
46858,157,7,21,"Okay, yes, I did, but it didn't mean anything."
46859,157,7,21,"Okay, well, what happened in this dream?"
46860,157,7,21,And I want to know everything.
46861,157,7,21,Every explicit detail.
46862,157,7,21,Don't leave out any...
46863,157,7,21,"Damn it, Ranjit!"
46864,157,7,21,Sorry.
46865,157,7,21,"Marshall, it was a dream."
46866,157,7,21,"Yeah, well, dreams are just stuff that you subconsciously want to happen."
46867,157,7,21,Why do you think I'm constantly dreaming about Bigfoot playing quarterback for the Vikings?
46868,157,7,21,Because you fall asleep looking at a painting of it.
46869,157,7,21,It soothes me.
46870,157,7,21,Don't try to change the subject.
46871,157,7,21,You sleep-cheated.
46872,157,7,21,"You've been sleep-sleeping around, and I'm sick of it."
46873,157,7,21,"You know, I have half a mind to get out and let you eat all by yourself."
46874,157,7,21,Should I pull over?
46875,157,7,21,"Damn it, Ranjit!"
46876,157,7,21,"Yes, Ranjit. Pull over."
46877,157,7,21,Pulling over.
46878,157,7,21,"You watch, Ted."
46879,157,7,21,Tonight is going to be legen--
46880,157,7,21,it's the night we stole a camel...
46881,157,7,21,...which means it'll be full of drama-- dary.
46882,157,7,21,Dromedary!
46883,157,7,21,"I applaud your wordplay, but your core premise is flawed."
46884,157,7,21,Every night can't be legendary.
46885,157,7,21,"If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary."
46886,157,7,21,"See, Ted, that attitude right there, that's why I'm in the lead."
46887,157,7,21,"What do you mean, in the lead?"
46888,157,7,21,"I'm talking about the game of life, Ted."
46889,157,7,21,Scoreboard.
46890,157,7,21,Better wardrobe: 75 points.
46891,157,7,21,Apartment on a higher floor: 90 points.
46892,157,7,21,Longer name: 110 points.
46893,157,7,21,Sorry. Did you just make up this point system?
46894,157,7,21,Made up the point system: 114 points.
46895,157,7,21,And ten points to you for pointing that out.
46896,157,7,21,"Nice job, Ted."
46897,157,7,21,15 points to me for being gracious enough to give you those ten points.
46898,157,7,21,"But here's the point, Ted."
46899,157,7,21,"Every time I go out and have an awesome night and you're not there, that's another 100 points in my column."
46900,157,7,21,"So yeah, I'm in the lead."
46901,157,7,21,"Barney, the fact that I can stay home for a night shows that I have inner peace and that I don't feel the need to keep score."
46902,157,7,21,That's worth like
46903,157,7,21,"1,000 points right there, so at the very least, we're tied."
46904,157,7,21,We're so not tied.
46905,157,7,21,Although you know what is tied--
46906,157,7,21,the strap of my girlfriend's bikini.
46907,157,7,21,"Except when it's not, 'cause she's a stripper."
46908,157,7,21,One million points! Game.
46909,157,7,21,Shh.
46910,157,7,21,It's over.
46911,157,7,21,It's done. It's done.
46912,157,7,21,So what do you do?
46913,157,7,21,(laughs)
46914,157,7,21,"You're kidding, right?"
46915,157,7,21,I... I'm an on-air reporter.
46916,157,7,21,I just did a report like five minutes ago.
46917,157,7,21,You sound frustrated.
46918,157,7,21,"Yeah, I am."
46919,157,7,21,"I'm busting my ass, and as usual, no recognition."
46920,157,7,21,"Robin, I've been doing this a while, and if there's one thing I've learned, it's flarm."
46921,157,7,21,What? Flarm.
46922,157,7,21,"Flarm, flarm, flarm."
46923,157,7,21,Blobbum.
46924,157,7,21,(laughing): What is wrong with you?
46925,157,7,21,Are you having a stroke?
46926,157,7,21,
46927,157,7,21,"Narrator: As a matter of fact, he was."
46928,157,7,21,Oh! Hold on! Wait!
46929,157,7,21,"Meanwhile, Lily was in desperate need of a female friend."
46930,157,7,21,"Lily, I have seen this a million times."
46931,157,7,21,Guys go crazy when there's a baby on the way.
46932,157,7,21,You should have seen the manager when his wife got pregnant.
46933,157,7,21,"After the second trimester, he made her stop stripping."
46934,157,7,21,"Yeah, you're right."
46935,157,7,21,Now I feel bad.
46936,157,7,21,Our big dinner's been ruined.
46937,157,7,21,Marshall's probably crying right now.
46938,157,7,21,(crying): I had no idea that food could be this delicious.
46939,157,7,21,"Marshall, you are being crazy."
46940,157,7,21,"No, no, I can handle it."
46941,157,7,21,"If I sell my laptop, we can get seconds on those squash blossoms."
46942,157,7,21,I mean about Lily.
46943,157,7,21,"Well, you know, she's being crazy, too."
46944,157,7,21,She's pregnant.
46945,157,7,21,She gets to be crazy.
46946,157,7,21,You have to be the sane one.
46947,157,7,21,"So what, I don't get to be crazy again until the baby comes?"
46948,157,7,21,No. Then it's baby's turn to be crazy.
46949,157,7,21,When do I get to be crazy again?
46950,157,7,21,Never.
46951,157,7,21,(cackling)
46952,157,7,21,We are totally even.
46953,157,7,21,"We absolutely are not even, and here's why."
46954,157,7,21,"I'll grant you that if you include the 12 points for designing the skyscraper, the 83 points for slapping five with Tommy Lee and the 9,000 points for banging Robin before me, our point totals would be about neck and neck, but there's one thing you're forgetting."
46955,157,7,21,The fact that I don't care?
46956,157,7,21,No.
46957,157,7,21,And you just lost five points for sass.
46958,157,7,21,Do you remember a conversation we had about three years ago?
46959,157,7,21,"Barney, you're the king."
46960,157,7,21,Nobody picks up chicks like you.
46961,157,7,21,"You're handsome, debonair, everything I wish I could be."
46962,157,7,21,I'm starting to think this never happened.
46963,157,7,21,Let you finish.
46964,157,7,21,"You're smooth, charismatic, ""sauve."""
46965,157,7,21,"I think you mean ""suave."""
46966,157,7,21,Aha.
46967,157,7,21,So you do remember.
46968,157,7,21,"But there's one thing even a master ladies' man like you could never do, and if you could ever do it, it would be worth 500 points."
46969,157,7,21,"You have my attention, my slightly shorter friend."
46970,157,7,21,Here's the challenge.
46971,157,7,21,Get a girl's phone number while you're wearing a dress.
46972,157,7,21,Challenge...
46973,157,7,21,Accomplished.
46974,157,7,21,That's right.
46975,157,7,21,"Last year, I slapped on a dress, took a few laps around this very bar, and I got this: the phone number of one Stephanie McColgan."
46976,157,7,21,"Later that night, I took off my pantyhose, and gave her panties... my hose."
46977,157,7,21,"That's right, Ted."
46978,157,7,21,I am 500 points ahead.
46979,157,7,21,"Until you can get a girl's digits while wearing a dress, you and I will never be even."
46980,157,7,21,"You know what? The super's probably waiting for me, and I just remembered there's a spare key under the doormat, so good night. Wait, wait."
46981,157,7,21,"Ted, don't go. Barney, I am leaving."
46982,157,7,21,I'm afraid this is just one of those nights we're probably going to forget.
46983,157,7,21,"I don't think so, dude. Look."
46984,157,7,21,"REPORTER: If you're just joining us, the World Wide News Eye in the Sky traffic chopper is out of control over Manhattan and being piloted by our own Robin Scherbatsky."
46985,157,7,21,This probably won't end well.
46986,157,7,21,"Narrator: Kids, every now and then, New York has a moment when every eye in the city is watching the same thing."
46987,157,7,21,This was one of those moments.
46988,157,7,21,"We all watched breathlessly as the pilot on the ground told her what to do, and against all odds, your Aunt Robin landed that helicopter."
46989,157,7,21,(panting)
46990,157,7,21,I did it.
46991,157,7,21,I did it!
46992,157,7,21,(cheering)
46993,157,7,21,The pilot survived and made a full recovery.
46994,157,7,21,And Robin?
46995,157,7,21,"It's Robin Scherbatsky, everybody!"
46996,157,7,21,Thank you so much.
46997,157,7,21,"Oh, okay..."
46998,157,7,21,Robin got famous.
46999,157,7,21,"In the next few days, she would... meet the mayor, go on Letterman"
47000,157,7,21,and even have a deli sandwich named after her.
47001,157,7,21,"But most importantly, that night, she got a call, text or e-mail from almost everyone she'd ever met."
47002,157,7,21,"Hey, Marshall."
47003,157,7,21,"Hey, Lil."
47004,157,7,21,"Hey, Barney."
47005,157,7,21,"Yes, I know you're dating a stripper."
47006,157,7,21,Mm-hmm.
47007,157,7,21,"Hey, Dad."
47008,157,7,21,You proud of your little girl?
47009,157,7,21,"Okay, I'll keep trying."
47010,157,7,21,"Babe, I think I know why you had that s*x dream about Ranjit. Why?"
47011,157,7,21,Think about it.
47012,157,7,21,The way he talks about his kids.
47013,157,7,21,He's a wonderful father.
47014,157,7,21,"Just like Papa Smurf, Bill Cosby..."
47015,157,7,21,"George Washington, the father of our country."
47016,157,7,21,You're attracted to great dads.
47017,157,7,21,And that's why you love me.
47018,157,7,21,Because I'm going to be the greatest dad ever.
47019,157,7,21,"Sure, that must be it."
47020,157,7,21,Narrator: Lily decided not to tell Marshall about her dream involving Frankenstein and the tea cup from Beauty and the Beast.
47021,157,7,21,That one was just for her.
47022,157,7,21,"Okay, Barney, I got to go."
47023,157,7,21,What?
47024,157,7,21,"In the middle of ""The Night You Got Locked Out in Your Pajamas ""and Robin Landed a Freaking Helicopter and There's Still Time to Reunite Genesis?"""
47025,157,7,21,"Dude, you got your wish."
47026,157,7,21,It's a night we'll always remember.
47027,157,7,21,Why can't we just go home?
47028,157,7,21,"I can't go home, Ted. Why not?"
47029,157,7,21,Because... I'm dating a stripper.
47030,157,7,21,"Yes, I've seen your bus ad."
47031,157,7,21,I get it.
47032,157,7,21,"No, you don't."
47033,157,7,21,"Every night, between 9:00 p.m. and 4:00 a.m., I'm in hell."
47034,157,7,21,All I can think about is what Quinn is doing and where she is doing it and who she is doing it on.
47035,157,7,21,If I don't do something to take my mind off of it...
47036,157,7,21,"You're lucky that you can just go sit around the house, Ted."
47037,157,7,21,I don't have that option.
47038,157,7,21,Wow.
47039,157,7,21,You're in love with this girl.
47040,157,7,21,"I really am, Ted."
47041,157,7,21,I mean... she's a stripper.
47042,157,7,21,Narrator: Later that night...
47043,157,7,21,(cell phone chirps)
47044,157,7,21,"The next night, all I wanted to do was enjoy a night at home."
47045,157,7,21,But there was something I had to do.
47046,157,7,21,♪ ♪
47047,157,7,21,"It wasn't easy, but by God, after a long night of trying..."
47048,157,7,21,Okay.
47049,157,7,21,Now we're even.
47050,157,7,21,500 points.
47051,157,7,21,Scoreboard.
47052,157,7,21,"More than a legendary night we'd remember forever, Uncle Barney needed a bro to help him forget."
47053,157,7,21,"In this case, a bro in a dress."
47054,157,7,21,I'm proud of you.
47055,157,7,21,Are you wearing perfume?
47056,157,7,21,It's a unisex fragrance. It was in Details.
47057,158,7,22,"Narrator: In May of 2012, Marshall and Lily hosted a baby shower in the apartment."
47058,158,7,22,All their friends were there.
47059,158,7,22,So of course I made sure to show up exactly...
47060,158,7,22,(knocking)
47061,158,7,22,...three hours late.
47062,158,7,22,"Oh, no! Am I late?"
47063,158,7,22,Little bit.
47064,158,7,22,"Ah, I'm sorry, I would've gotten here earlier; it's just, um..."
47065,158,7,22,You didn't want to see Robin.
47066,158,7,22,I didn't want to see Robin.
47067,158,7,22,"I know, it's childish."
47068,158,7,22,"She's not here, is she?"
47069,158,7,22,Actually...
47070,158,7,22,"(gasps) Oh, no! Am I early?"
47071,158,7,22,Little bit.
47072,158,7,22,"Whoa, she got you the red stroller?"
47073,158,7,22,Looks like I just blew her out of the water.
47074,158,7,22,"Anyway, he left before the party started."
47075,158,7,22,"Ah, I'm really sorry, I..."
47076,158,7,22,I just think it's best if Robin and I don't see each other for a while.
47077,158,7,22,"Ted, it's fine; I'm a child of divorce."
47078,158,7,22,"You guys keep fighting all you want, as long as the expensive gifts keep coming."
47079,158,7,22,"(chuckles) Uh, so how was the shower?"
47080,158,7,22,"It was good, although there was one weird moment with Barney's new stripper girlfriend."
47081,158,7,22,50 laps a day?
47082,158,7,22,"Oh, my goodness, young lady. That is a lot."
47083,158,7,22,"Oh, is it?"
47084,158,7,22,"Is it a lot, Grandma Lois?"
47085,158,7,22,"Yes, my girlfriend gets naked and sits on guys' laps for money."
47086,158,7,22,"And, yes, sometimes it's as many as 50 laps in one day."
47087,158,7,22,"And maybe society considers what she does to be ""disgusting,"" or ""slutty,"" or verging on ""prostitution,"" or actual ""prostitution."""
47088,158,7,22,"But you know what, I accept her."
47089,158,7,22,"And if you can't do the same, on... you."
47090,158,7,22,"We were, um, talking about swimming."
47091,158,7,22,How I sometimes swim
47092,158,7,22,50 laps a day.
47093,158,7,22,"(snorts) Well, it's great cardio."
47094,158,7,22,"Lois, can I top off your champagne?"
47095,158,7,22,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x22 ♪
47096,158,7,22,Good Crazy
47097,158,7,22,"Original Air Date on April 30, 2012"
47098,158,7,22,"You know, it's funny, you tell the average guy you're dating a stripper, he thinks it's awesome."
47099,158,7,22,"Heck, you tell your mom, she high-fives you so fast, she doesn't even take off her oven mitts."
47100,158,7,22,"But if they had any idea how difficult it is: the jealousy, the insecurity, those high-fives would be high-fives of condolence."
47101,158,7,22,"Barney, condolence high-fives are not a thing."
47102,158,7,22,They're a thing.
47103,158,7,22,I'm afraid we're gonna have to let you go.
47104,158,7,22,Up top.
47105,158,7,22,"Ah, listen to me and my boring couples' problems."
47106,158,7,22,How are you?
47107,158,7,22,How's the single life?
47108,158,7,22,"I wouldn't know. After this whole Robin thing, for the time being, I'm laying low."
47109,158,7,22,Laying low as in sleeping with a really short chick? (wry chuckle)
47110,158,7,22,You guys doing 39?
47111,158,7,22,"I mean, I'm not seeing anyone."
47112,158,7,22,"I'm just, you know, trying to get Robin out of my head."
47113,158,7,22,You need a palate cleanser.
47114,158,7,22,"Barney, please, don't try to set me up with Quinn's stripper friends. Oh, I wouldn't dream of it."
47115,158,7,22,"Why not, how many hints do I have to drop?!"
47116,158,7,22,"No, I'm thinking of something much more traditional."
47117,158,7,22,"Online dating. Yeah, no thanks."
47118,158,7,22,"Come on, Ted! It's 2012."
47119,158,7,22,"What do you expect, to meet some cute travel agent when you're reading a newspaper at a bookstore?"
47120,158,7,22,None of those things exist anymore.
47121,158,7,22,"Barney, I will never, ever, ever, try online dating."
47122,158,7,22,Narrator: That night I tried online dating.
47123,158,7,22,"And kids, the first girl I found was amazing: beautiful, smart, funny, huge fan of prewar architecture, favorite poet Neruda, favorite movie Ghostbusters, and she didn't hate Cleveland."
47124,158,7,22,She's perfect.
47125,158,7,22,"So I sent her an email, inviting her to mini golf."
47126,158,7,22,(typing)
47127,158,7,22,(phone rings)
47128,158,7,22,Hello. BARNEY: Mini golf?
47129,158,7,22,Mini golf? Who takes a first date to mini golf?
47130,158,7,22,I'm coming over!
47131,158,7,22,"Oh, Ted-Ted-Ted-"
47132,158,7,22,Teddy-Ted-Ted.
47133,158,7,22,Who buzzed you in?
47134,158,7,22,"Did you really think you could start dating online, and I wouldn't find out?"
47135,158,7,22,"But with thi-this girl, sh-she was..."
47136,158,7,22,"Me. She was me, Ted."
47137,158,7,22,"The photo was just of some girl I knew you'd never seen before, a very famous sports anchor on ESPN."
47138,158,7,22,"Barney, I don't need you to help me find a girl online."
47139,158,7,22,Exactly because I've already done it!
47140,158,7,22,Three girls in fact.
47141,158,7,22,"I scoured the dating sites using my own personal logarithms, factoring in a broad spectrum of variables, filtering out undesirable high-risk negatives, guaranteeing a success rate of 83..."
47142,158,7,22,You picked the girls that showed the most boob.
47143,158,7,22,My methods get results.
47144,158,7,22,"Go out with these three girls, and your palate is going to be so cleansed, you will see your reflection in it."
47145,158,7,22,"And when you do, you can fix the hair, because... Have you seen yourself?"
47146,158,7,22,"No, but you know what I have seen, your stripper girlfriend's cans. Wow."
47147,158,7,22,"Wow. Wow, wow."
47148,158,7,22,"That was going way too far, wasn't it?"
47149,158,7,22,I'm sorry.
47150,158,7,22,(sighs)
47151,158,7,22,My condolences.
47152,158,7,22,Come on.
47153,158,7,22,"Man, Marshall's really stressing out about this baby."
47154,158,7,22,"He's reading every book, watching breast-feeding documentaries."
47155,158,7,22,"I woke up the other day, he had swaddled me."
47156,158,7,22,"Sure, it was the best night's sleep I had had in months, but still..."
47157,158,7,22,You know what his latest thing is?
47158,158,7,22,(antique car horn blaring)
47159,158,7,22,What the hell is that?
47160,158,7,22,(groaning)
47161,158,7,22,"Marshall, what is that?"
47162,158,7,22,I rigged this alarm to go off every three hours.
47163,158,7,22,I'm training myself for the sporadic sleep patterns of early parenthood.
47164,158,7,22,"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a practice-baby to soothe."
47165,158,7,22,You got to talk to him.
47166,158,7,22,"Yeah, I'll talk to him tonight."
47167,158,7,22,Maybe tomorrow morning.
47168,158,7,22,One last swaddle?
47169,158,7,22,It's just so cozy.
47170,158,7,22,It's like sleeping in a warm burrito.
47171,158,7,22,"Narrator: Meanwhile, Barney was about to have a stripper's boyfriend's worst nightmare."
47172,158,7,22,Karma?
47173,158,7,22,"Oh, my gosh, I didn't recognize you without your legs behind your head."
47174,158,7,22,"Darryl, I didn't recognize you without your creepy trench coat."
47175,158,7,22,How are you?
47176,158,7,22,"Great, you working tomorrow? You know it."
47177,158,7,22,Great. I'll be there with bells on.
47178,158,7,22,"And by bells, I mean super thin sweatpants."
47179,158,7,22,(both laugh)
47180,158,7,22,Gross.
47181,158,7,22,He's actually a nice guy.
47182,158,7,22,"She's so busy as deputy mayor, but I always get a card on my birthday."
47183,158,7,22,"Quinn, I love the fact that you're a stripper, but I hate the fact that you're a stripper."
47184,158,7,22,"Barney, I like my job."
47185,158,7,22,And I do not need to be rescued.
47186,158,7,22,"So, don't be that guy."
47187,158,7,22,"You're right, you're right."
47188,158,7,22,I got it. Forget I said anything.
47189,158,7,22,Hmm.
47190,158,7,22,"I'll see you tonight, Karma."
47191,158,7,22,"You got it, Dirty Larry."
47192,158,7,22,You have to quit your job!
47193,158,7,22,"Narrator: That night, I went out with the first girl Barney picked for me."
47194,158,7,22,There was just one problem.
47195,158,7,22,Your name is Robin?
47196,158,7,22,"Yeah, with a Y."
47197,158,7,22,"Oh, Yobin."
47198,158,7,22,"No, Robin."
47199,158,7,22,"I go by ScotchAndGunLover in my online profile, 'cause those are my two favorite things."
47200,158,7,22,"Well, next to Canada, my home and native land."
47201,158,7,22,Oh. Canada.
47202,158,7,22,"Narrator: And just like that, Robyn became Robin."
47203,158,7,22,"How's it going, Ted?"
47204,158,7,22,"Oh, good. Hey, look, mommy's back from the bar!"
47205,158,7,22,Now I can finally take a shower.
47206,158,7,22,(sighs)
47207,158,7,22,This diaper smells. I don't want to know.
47208,158,7,22,"Okay, Marshall, sit down; we need to talk."
47209,158,7,22,(sighs)
47210,158,7,22,"Look, I know you mean well, but we have five weeks till the due date."
47211,158,7,22,Can't we use this time to just relax?
47212,158,7,22,We'll figure out how all this stuff works after the baby comes.
47213,158,7,22,After the baby comes?
47214,158,7,22,"Yeah, we'll learn on the job."
47215,158,7,22,Learn on the j... Huh.
47216,158,7,22,"Wow, you know, Lily, maybe the crisis here isn't that I'm not ready to be a dad; maybe it's that you're not ready to be a mom!"
47217,158,7,22,Excuse me?! Yeah.
47218,158,7,22,"Narrator: With that, an argument began,"
47219,158,7,22,the details of which are still
47220,158,7,22,hotly debated to this day.
47221,158,7,22,"For instance, Uncle Marshall swears he never said:"
47222,158,7,22,I'm the only one making sacrifices for this baby!
47223,158,7,22,What?!
47224,158,7,22,And he claims he never actually uttered the words:
47225,158,7,22,It's like you don't even know that you're pregnant!
47226,158,7,22,While Lily insists this part was exaggerated:
47227,158,7,22,Baby's are easy; you just watch them be cute and feed them spaghetti!
47228,158,7,22,But everyone agrees this is how the argument ended:
47229,158,7,22,"Marshall, what I need now is some peace, some quiet, and now that it's out there, some spaghetti."
47230,158,7,22,"Now, please help me off the couch so I can storm out."
47231,158,7,22,(angry grunt): Huh!
47232,158,7,22,
47233,158,7,22,"Narrator: The next day, I filled Barney in on my date."
47234,158,7,22,"Oh, Yobin."
47235,158,7,22,"No, Robin."
47236,158,7,22,"And for the rest of the night, every time I looked at her, I just saw Robin's face."
47237,158,7,22,"Well, I should hope so. No, our Robin."
47238,158,7,22,Robin with an I.
47239,158,7,22,"Uh, our Robin has two eyes, my friend."
47240,158,7,22,But that's good. You're forgetting what she looks like.
47241,158,7,22,"I'm sorry, that must have been tough."
47242,158,7,22,"If anyone knows what that feels like, it's me."
47243,158,7,22,My condolences.
47244,158,7,22,Okay. Moving on.
47245,158,7,22,The next girl: perfect palate cleanser.
47246,158,7,22,Nothing like Robin.
47247,158,7,22,How nothing?
47248,158,7,22,I gaze out into the world and all I see is an icy place where dreams die.
47249,158,7,22,"Ooh, lasagna."
47250,158,7,22,"How's it going, Ted?"
47251,158,7,22,What? No. What? Wh-Why?
47252,158,7,22,"Remember, I made lasagna that one time."
47253,158,7,22,That's all it takes?
47254,158,7,22,It wasn't even lasagna; you took your botched kugle and poured tomato sauce on it.
47255,158,7,22,I didn't say it was good lasagna.
47256,158,7,22,"By the way, what are you doing with this girl?"
47257,158,7,22,With tattoos all up and down her arms and... everywhere else. Hello... good gravy.
47258,158,7,22,Does that dragons tail go all the way down to her...
47259,158,7,22,"(chuckling): Ohh, yes, it does."
47260,158,7,22,"Well, what do you want me to do, Robin?"
47261,158,7,22,"I have to get over you somehow, and if this is what it takes..."
47262,158,7,22,Are you okay?
47263,158,7,22,Yeah. Why?
47264,158,7,22,You kind of spaced out there.
47265,158,7,22,"Weirdo. ""So, in summation, I'm very, very sorry."" ""I guess I just wanted you all to myself, ""and then I thought of all the creepy guys groping at your... ""Okay, I'm getting mad again, ""so I'm going to stop writing now."
47266,158,7,22,"Please enjoy these chocolates, may contain peanuts."""
47267,158,7,22,Kiss and make up?
47268,158,7,22,(chuckles)
47269,158,7,22,Have s*x up against the window and make up? - (laughs)
47270,158,7,22,You do have a great view.
47271,158,7,22,"Well, funny you should mention that."
47272,158,7,22,It's your view.
47273,158,7,22,Come again for Big Fudge?
47274,158,7,22,Congratulations. You're hired.
47275,158,7,22,You are Goliath National Bank's newest executive strategy coordinator.
47276,158,7,22,What is an executive strategy coordinator?
47277,158,7,22,"It's three corporate-sounding words which, when added together, equal a fake job for which you get a real paycheck in the amount of exactly what you'd make stripping."
47278,158,7,22,Plus dental. You're welcs.
47279,158,7,22,"Now, about that up-against-the-window s*x..."
47280,158,7,22,"Dude, I don't want to work for a bank."
47281,158,7,22,Why not?
47282,158,7,22,Because I have standards.
47283,158,7,22,You people are whores.
47284,158,7,22,"The things you're willing to do just for some money, it's shameful."
47285,158,7,22,You work in a strip club.
47286,158,7,22,"Yeah, and I like it."
47287,158,7,22,And I'm good at it.
47288,158,7,22,"Barney, if I took this job, you would own me."
47289,158,7,22,"I would be willingly stepping into a cage, which is something I don't do."
47290,158,7,22,"Except on Thursdays, when it's cage night at the Lusty Leopard, but that's a cardboard cage, and I can get out of it any time I want."
47291,158,7,22,You can?
47292,158,7,22,"Wow, thanks for ruining cage night."
47293,158,7,22,"Come on, Quinn."
47294,158,7,22,No.
47295,158,7,22,I wouldn't... Nope.
47296,158,7,22,Don't.
47297,158,7,22,I think I have some thinking to do.
47298,158,7,22,I...
47299,158,7,22,Mr. Stinson?
47300,158,7,22,Does this mean I get to keep my job?
47301,158,7,22,(sighs)
47302,158,7,22,"Yeah, Herm, you can stay."
47303,158,7,22,"Hey, baby, listen."
47304,158,7,22,I'm-I'm sorry I flipped out.
47305,158,7,22,"Oh, that's okay."
47306,158,7,22,"To be fair, maybe I'm at fault for loving our child too much, although that is the definition of parenting, so..."
47307,158,7,22,"All right, good make up."
47308,158,7,22,"Hey, listen, I went online, and I found this Baby Boot Camp thing that they're doing at a hotel in Paramus this weekend."
47309,158,7,22,Baby Boot Camp?
47310,158,7,22,That sounds great.
47311,158,7,22,"Yeah, it's a two-day event..."
47312,158,7,22,We're going.
47313,158,7,22,...and there's lots of seminars and classes.
47314,158,7,22,You've already made the sale.
47315,158,7,22,"Anyway, I signed us up."
47316,158,7,22,Not even listening anymore; mentally packing.
47317,158,7,22,I'm trying to figure out the best way to get to Paramus without hitting any tolls.
47318,158,7,22,This is gonna be great.
47319,158,7,22,And that was the last time I'll ever go out with a guy with a mustache.
47320,158,7,22,(both chuckling)
47321,158,7,22,This is good.
47322,158,7,22,"This is nice, not thinking about you-know-who."
47323,158,7,22,Just having a good time
47324,158,7,22,and thanking God I didn't grow
47325,158,7,22,that mustache.
47326,158,7,22,"And you, you're so polite."
47327,158,7,22,"My ex-fiancé, Wayne, he had no manners."
47328,158,7,22,Wayne had no manners.
47329,158,7,22,Wayne... manners...
47330,158,7,22,"Wayne Manor, home of Bruce Wayne, better known as Batman, mentor to Dick Grayson, his orphan ward who at night would don the colorful vestments of the Boy Wonder, aka..."
47331,158,7,22,(growling): Robin.
47332,158,7,22,"Holy long walk for a short drink of water, Ted."
47333,158,7,22,Stop this.
47334,158,7,22,I need you out of my life for real.
47335,158,7,22,You don't mean that.
47336,158,7,22,"Yes, I do."
47337,158,7,22,"No, you don't."
47338,158,7,22,Look how much is changing right now.
47339,158,7,22,Marshall and Lily are having a baby.
47340,158,7,22,Barney's shacking up with a girl.
47341,158,7,22,"With your whole world turning upside down, isn't a friendship like this one something you want to hold on to as tightly as possible?"
47342,158,7,22,"And every time I look at you, it hurts."
47343,158,7,22,...and that's the story of my only lesbian experience.
47344,158,7,22,I'm sorry for going into so much detail.
47345,158,7,22,I'll never tell that story again.
47346,158,7,22,"Anyway, how's your meal?"
47347,158,7,22,"Holly, listen, I should probably tell you, um, I'm kind of getting over someone right now."
47348,158,7,22,I am so glad you said that.
47349,158,7,22,I guess I'm still getting over Wayne.
47350,158,7,22,It's been really hard.
47351,158,7,22,Can I interest you in some sorbet?
47352,158,7,22,You two look like you could both use a palate cleanser.
47353,158,7,22,(exhales)
47354,158,7,22,"How's your palate, Ted?"
47355,158,7,22,Pretty cleansed.
47356,158,7,22,(chuckling)
47357,158,7,22,(groans)
47358,158,7,22,"You know, at this seminar, there's gonna be the one guy who's, like, Mr. Parenting Expert, keeps interrupting the speakers with his own ""important facts."""
47359,158,7,22,"And you're gonna be sitting right next to him, so get ready for that."
47360,158,7,22,"Baby, you've been a little sleep deprived lately."
47361,158,7,22,Why don't you let me drive?
47362,158,7,22,"You know what, that's not such a bad idea."
47363,158,7,22,"I mean, the last thing we want is for me to get behind the wheel and just..."
47364,158,7,22,(snoring)
47365,158,7,22,(groaning)
47366,158,7,22,(moans)
47367,158,7,22,"Oh, baby, you smell good."
47368,158,7,22,"When we get to that hotel, I'm gonna wear your pregnant belly like a hat."
47369,158,7,22,Barney: You'll have to buy me a couple of cocktails first.
47370,158,7,22,Bar-Barney!
47371,158,7,22,Where are we?
47372,158,7,22,"Atlantic City, baby!"
47373,158,7,22,"Well, in 14 miles."
47374,158,7,22,What the hell is going on?
47375,158,7,22,And where is Lily?
47376,158,7,22,And what did you do to the practice baby?
47377,158,7,22,And is there any left?
47378,158,7,22,Lily was worried about you.
47379,158,7,22,"She thought you needed to unwind, so..."
47380,158,7,22,"I mean, the last thing we want is for me to get behind the wheel and just..."
47381,158,7,22,(snoring)
47382,158,7,22,"Barney: She made reservations for two deluxe rooms, massages, and dinner at the Palm, and in return, I made her cookies."
47383,158,7,22,"So, there's no Baby Boot Camp at the Paramus Waldorf?"
47384,158,7,22,Is there even a Paramus Waldorf?
47385,158,7,22,Bro...
47386,158,7,22,I am so mad at Lily right now.
47387,158,7,22,She knew you would be; that's why she packed this.
47388,158,7,22,Aw.
47389,158,7,22,My mad-at-Lily shirt.
47390,158,7,22,"I had this made for me and my high school girlfriend, Steph."
47391,158,7,22,"In reality, ""Marshall and Steph 4-eva"" turned out to be ""Marshall and Steph for two days until Steph's boyfriend got out of juvie a week early."""
47392,158,7,22,Drives Lily crazy when I wear it.
47393,158,7,22,I hope she's miserable without me.
47394,158,7,22,(crunching)
47395,158,7,22,"Hey, Ted, how's tricks?"
47396,158,7,22,"Tricks are pretty good, Lou."
47397,158,7,22,"Had some girl trouble earlier in the week, but, uh, I got a feeling from here on out, things are gonna be A..."
47398,158,7,22,"O-Oh, you son of a bitch."
47399,158,7,22,Hello.
47400,158,7,22,(cheering)
47401,158,7,22,Lily's right.
47402,158,7,22,I've been acting crazy.
47403,158,7,22,"No, it's okay, bro."
47404,158,7,22,"I mean, yeah, you've been a little crazy, but it comes from love."
47405,158,7,22,"It's the same kind of crazy that makes a man offer his stripper girlfriend over half a million dollars of government bailout money, not to rub up on other guys' junk."
47406,158,7,22,It's good crazy.
47407,158,7,22,(gamblers groaning)
47408,158,7,22,"I hope Lily's okay. Okay, you know, that's it, bro."
47409,158,7,22,We're both turning off our phones for one hour.
47410,158,7,22,Motion denied.
47411,158,7,22,"Okay, you leave me no choice."
47412,158,7,22,"Proposal: you give me one hour of phone-free bro time, during which we, and by we I mean you, get magnificently, mythologically drunk."
47413,158,7,22,I'm talking needing-subtitles-
47414,158,7,22,when-you-speak drunk.
47415,158,7,22,"If you can give me that, I will wear this."
47416,158,7,22,The ducky tie?
47417,158,7,22,I thought you threw that thing away.
47418,158,7,22,I did.
47419,158,7,22,It came back.
47420,158,7,22,"All right, Barney, you got yourself a deal."
47421,158,7,22,(chuckles)
47422,158,7,22,(beep)
47423,158,7,22,"Um, excuse me, miss."
47424,158,7,22,"Um, when you get a chance, could you bring over a hundred shots of tequila, please?"
47425,158,7,22,I'll have the same.
47426,158,7,22,Why are you still here?
47427,158,7,22,Why do you think I'm still here?
47428,158,7,22,I guess because I'm in love with you.
47429,158,7,22,Why else would I be seeing your face everywhere I look?
47430,158,7,22,Because you feel bad.
47431,158,7,22,Of course I feel bad.
47432,158,7,22,"I told you I love you, which is apparently the worst thing you can say to someone."
47433,158,7,22,That's not why you feel bad.
47434,158,7,22,"You feel bad because after you said it, you let me go away."
47435,158,7,22,"I know our relationship isn't exactly what you want it to be, and I know I may not love you the way you love me, but I do love you."
47436,158,7,22,Isn't that worth hanging on to?
47437,158,7,22,(sighs)
47438,158,7,22,I miss you.
47439,158,7,22,So go get me back.
47440,158,7,22,(exhales)
47441,158,7,22,Robin?
47442,158,7,22,Ted.
47443,158,7,22,It's good to really see you.
47444,158,7,22,It's really good to see you.
47445,158,7,22,"Look, I think we need to talk."
47446,158,7,22,"Uh, me, too, but now's not a good time."
47447,158,7,22,Why not?
47448,158,7,22,"I am proud of you, bro."
47449,158,7,22,"You turned off your phone for one hour, and you got so drunk..."
47450,158,7,22,(mumbling)
47451,158,7,22,Exactly.
47452,158,7,22,"Hey, (mumbles)."
47453,158,7,22,"Yes, Marshall?"
47454,158,7,22,(speaking untelligibly)
47455,158,7,22,"Well, I don't see why not."
47456,158,7,22,Whoa! I've got
47457,158,7,22,17 new voicemails.
47458,158,7,22,"Barney, it's Lily."
47459,158,7,22,You guys need to get back to New York right away.
47460,158,7,22,I'm in labor.
47461,158,7,22,(Marshall yelling)
47462,158,7,22,All hail Beercules!
47463,158,7,22,(laughing) Yeah!
47464,158,7,22,(laughing)
47465,158,7,22,(groans)
47466,158,7,22,"All right, Barney, you got yourself a deal."
47467,158,7,22,(beep)
47468,158,7,22,"Hey, you've reached Marshall."
47469,158,7,22,Please leave a message.
47470,158,7,22,(beep)
47471,158,7,22,"Hey, baby, it's me."
47472,158,7,22,I think I'm in labor.
47473,158,7,22,(coughs) We should do this every weekend.
47474,158,7,22,(beep)
47475,158,7,22,"Okay, this is real."
47476,158,7,22,It's not a false alarm.
47477,158,7,22,This is real; I'm in labor.
47478,158,7,22,I kind of need you to call me back now.
47479,158,7,22,How does somebody so little have such strong fingers?
47480,158,7,22,Call me!
47481,158,7,22,He is the manager of the Paramus Waldorf.
47482,158,7,22,"You come to Paramus, we will hook you up."
47483,158,7,22,"(beep) If you're trying to get back at me, you have chosen a wildly inappropriate way of doing so!"
47484,159,7,23,"Narrator: Kids, when Aunt Lily went into labor, Marshall was somewhere slightly inconvenient, in Atlantic City with Uncle Barney, and drunk to the point of talking like Yoda."
47485,159,7,23,Baby come...
47486,159,7,23,Papa gonna be am I...
47487,159,7,23,Hospital must we get now...
47488,159,7,23,"Okay, there's like a four-hour wait at the valet stand."
47489,159,7,23,"Plus, we're in no shape to drive. So, a car's out..."
47490,159,7,23,"Wait, don't worry. We'll take a cab to the train station."
47491,159,7,23,"Man: Yeah, good luck getting a cab."
47492,159,7,23,It's impossible because of the big thing.
47493,159,7,23,"Narrator: Kids, for the life of me, I can't remember what the big thing was in Atlantic City that weekend."
47494,159,7,23,SON: Was it a cheerleading convention?
47495,159,7,23,"Narrator: No, it was a p0rn convention."
47496,159,7,23,Sci-fi convention?
47497,159,7,23,"Eh, I can't remember."
47498,159,7,23,We're stuck in Atlantic City! City of Atlantic stuck in are we.
47499,159,7,23,♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x23 ♪
47500,159,7,23,The Magician's Code
47501,159,7,23,"Original Air Date on May 13, 2012"
47502,159,7,23,"Okay, Lily, it's going to be fine."
47503,159,7,23,We are not freaking out. We are not freaking out!
47504,159,7,23,I feel calmer already. Let's get you to the hospital.
47505,159,7,23,"Oh, I can't go yet. I talked to Dr. Sonya."
47506,159,7,23,They won't admit me until my contractions are four minutes apart.
47507,159,7,23,"Okay, well, if you don't make it in time, I have got you covered. When I was 13, my father caught me kissing a boy, so he sent me to our family's ranch for foaling season. Once you see a baby horse erupt through that birth canal, you stop even touching yourself."
47508,159,7,23,"Anyway, I had skinny arms, so I got up there elbow deep."
47509,159,7,23,I lost this watch birthing Blacky...
47510,159,7,23,"Okay, stop it. I am not a farm animal. (mooing)"
47511,159,7,23,"Oh, there we go. Easy girl. Sugar cube? (moaning)"
47512,159,7,23,"Oh, okay."
47513,159,7,23,"Ah, don't worry, Lil."
47514,159,7,23,Some of us know what a woman actually needs at a time like this.
47515,159,7,23,(panting) A kick-ass labor announcement e-mail.
47516,159,7,23,"and their best friend, embark on an incredible journey."
47517,159,7,23,"Lily's cervix is dilating, and we want you all to be part of its grand opening."
47518,159,7,23,"You are not sending that to anyone, ever."
47519,159,7,23,So what I need right now is distraction from the pain.
47520,159,7,23,Just tell me a story.
47521,159,7,23,"Uh, what story? I don't care. Anything."
47522,159,7,23,How about the worst cab ride ever?
47523,159,7,23,HOMELESS GUY: Clean your window for you? - No!
47524,159,7,23,"Hey, get off my cab!"
47525,159,7,23,(grunting)
47526,159,7,23,(blows landing)
47527,159,7,23,"Oh! Oh, God!"
47528,159,7,23,(loud thud)
47529,159,7,23,Oh! Ah!
47530,159,7,23,(Ted and Robin gasping)
47531,159,7,23,(both screaming)
47532,159,7,23,(screaming)
47533,159,7,23,We are not panicking! We are not panicking!
47534,159,7,23,Get on all fours; it widens your hind quarters.
47535,159,7,23,Stop it! I am not a farm animal!
47536,159,7,23,But give me that sugar cube.
47537,159,7,23,"Okay, listen, I am going to get you to that hospital or die trying. And if I succeed, I ask only one thing in return."
47538,159,7,23,Let me choose your child's middle name.
47539,159,7,23,Because I have thought up the most awesome name of all time.
47540,159,7,23,What's the middle name?
47541,159,7,23,Wait for it...
47542,159,7,23,I'm waiting.
47543,159,7,23,Wait for it...
47544,159,7,23,I said I'm waiting.
47545,159,7,23,Wait for it. What's the middle name?
47546,159,7,23,"No, the middle name is ""Wait For It."""
47547,159,7,23,"Let's say his first name is, oh, I don't know, Barney."
47548,159,7,23,"He'd be Barney ""Wait For It"" Eriksen."
47549,159,7,23,How awesome is that?
47550,159,7,23,That is... the coolest... middle name of all time.
47551,159,7,23,"I know! Okay, listen."
47552,159,7,23,I have a plan to get us to New York.
47553,159,7,23,All we have to do is get our hands on that motorcycle.
47554,159,7,23,And I know just the way to do it.
47555,159,7,23,(both sigh)
47556,159,7,23,(phone rings)
47557,159,7,23,Here.
47558,159,7,23,"Oh. Hi, Judy."
47559,159,7,23,"Oh, good. You got the e-mail from Ted."
47560,159,7,23,"No, I am not worried my city hips are too narrow, and-and your grandson's going to get stuck."
47561,159,7,23,I got to go.
47562,159,7,23,I thought you deleted that stupid e-mail.
47563,159,7,23,"Okay, I sent it by accident."
47564,159,7,23,She like it? Yes!
47565,159,7,23,Just keep telling me stories!
47566,159,7,23,"Okay, okay, I got one for you: second base with Neil Young."
47567,159,7,23,"Um, (chuckles)"
47568,159,7,23,"I don't normally go to, um, second base and tell, but I just spent a magical night with Neil Young."
47569,159,7,23,(whispers): He's still in my room.
47570,159,7,23,"Seriously? Oh, my God."
47571,159,7,23,"Be quiet, don't scare him off."
47572,159,7,23,(clears throat)
47573,159,7,23,He-Hey...
47574,159,7,23,Robin... Yeah.
47575,159,7,23,That's not Neil Young.
47576,159,7,23,"Oh, God."
47577,159,7,23,(both laughing)
47578,159,7,23,"Oh, we're busting apple bags? I can bust apple bags."
47579,159,7,23,"Ted, remember when we were dating and we threw that party and one of those appetizers just didn't sit right?"
47580,159,7,23,Ah... doesn't sound familiar.
47581,159,7,23,"I call this story ""Ted and the Cuban Sandwich Crisis."""
47582,159,7,23,(toilet flushes)
47583,159,7,23,Robin: Ted came out of that bathroom looking like Joe Frazier after the Thrilla in Manila.
47584,159,7,23,"Oh, what is that smell!?"
47585,159,7,23,Ugh!
47586,159,7,23,"So I, being a great girlfriend,"
47587,159,7,23,tried to help him out.
47588,159,7,23,You guys are all crazy; I don't smell anything.
47589,159,7,23,"Anyway, uh, who wants to go up on the roof?"
47590,159,7,23,Robin: But then...
47591,159,7,23,"She, who denied it, supplied it."
47592,159,7,23,"Yeah, must have been that Cuban sandwich, huh, babe?"
47593,159,7,23,(both chuckle)
47594,159,7,23,"That was not cool, Ted."
47595,159,7,23,Contraction!
47596,159,7,23,"That wasn't cool, Ted?"
47597,159,7,23,(grunting): Just keep going with the stories.
47598,159,7,23,I don't even care if I've heard it before.
47599,159,7,23,"Just tell me, uh, ""Where Does That Door Go?"""
47600,159,7,23,Okay.
47601,159,7,23,"Hey, I've never noticed that door before."
47602,159,7,23,I wonder where it goes.
47603,159,7,23,Ted. Ted.
47604,159,7,23,"No, no, no, let him... let him..."
47605,159,7,23,Wow...
47606,159,7,23,Don't... No...
47607,159,7,23,Robi....
47608,159,7,23,Oh...
47609,159,7,23,Wow...
47610,159,7,23,(cell phone rings)
47611,159,7,23,"Dad, oh, good."
47612,159,7,23,"Let me guess, you got Ted's e-mail."
47613,159,7,23,"I'm on my way, Princess. Dad, wait, no, not..."
47614,159,7,23,"Damn it, Ted."
47615,159,7,23,"I was okay with you e-mailing my aunt, my cousins, and your cousins, and the guy that Robin thought was Neil Young."
47616,159,7,23,But my father is the absolute worst person to have around in any sort of medical situation.
47617,159,7,23,"Lily: When I was seven, I needed to have my tonsils out."
47618,159,7,23,"Daddy, I'm scared."
47619,159,7,23,"Aw, Princess, I would be too. I've researched this surgery."
47620,159,7,23,Anything can happen. You could bleed to death...
47621,159,7,23,"...you could have your jaw removed due to infection, and the anesthesia could suddenly just stop working, much like your mom's and my marriage."
47622,159,7,23,(laughing)
47623,159,7,23,You do know that we're getting a divor...
47624,159,7,23,Don't worry about it. We'll talk about it after the surgery.
47625,159,7,23,"Calm down, girl."
47626,159,7,23,(panting)
47627,159,7,23,"Okay, for the last time, I am not..."
47628,159,7,23,"Actually, keep going."
47629,159,7,23,"Okay, I admit the whole ""win a motorcycle plan"" was stupid."
47630,159,7,23,Especially because we've been playing on the wrong machine.
47631,159,7,23,Barney: New plan: Meet me at the entrance in five minutes.
47632,159,7,23,(engine revs)
47633,159,7,23,"Hop on, Marshall. Tonight, we ride!"
47634,159,7,23,You won that?
47635,159,7,23,"Not exactly. You see, I..."
47636,159,7,23,Get off!
47637,159,7,23,(grunting)
47638,159,7,23,I hope Marshall's close. Cube me.
47639,159,7,23,"I'm on my way, Lily Pad."
47640,159,7,23,"Narrator: Kids, your Uncle Marshall has faced many challenges in his life."
47641,159,7,23,But he still considers getting up these two steps when he was this drunk to be the hardest one of all.
47642,159,7,23,Tell me a Marshall story. I miss him.
47643,159,7,23,"Got it. ""The Tale of the Cursed Pants."""
47644,159,7,23,"Hey, guys. (chuckles)"
47645,159,7,23,"So, I'm starting worry about these pants."
47646,159,7,23,Starting to?
47647,159,7,23,"No, ever since I got them, terrible things have been happening to me: I stubbed my toe, I missed my train... You put on the pants."
47648,159,7,23,"(all chuckle) And then the lady at the thrift store said that for years, no one so much as tried them on. Can you believe that?"
47649,159,7,23,Yes.
47650,159,7,23,You know what this means?
47651,159,7,23,These pants are cursed.
47652,159,7,23,What's this in the pocket?
47653,159,7,23,A clue.
47654,159,7,23,Ted: Marshall had the writing translated.
47655,159,7,23,It led him deep into the heart of Chinatown.
47656,159,7,23,(gasps) It is you.
47657,159,7,23,The One has arrived.
47658,159,7,23,"Dry cleaning, $21.50."
47659,159,7,23,I remember that suit. He looked like a little kid's imaginary friend.
47660,159,7,23,(chuckles)
47661,159,7,23,Where is he?!
47662,159,7,23,"Narrator: Now, Uncle Marshall knew he had only one chance of getting out of Atlantic City: bribing a cab driver."
47663,159,7,23,Machine that gives money!
47664,159,7,23,(chuckles)
47665,159,7,23,"Narrator: Now, Marshall was pretty drunk, but he swears the ATM started to do this."
47666,159,7,23,(video game sound effect)
47667,159,7,23,(beeps)
47668,159,7,23,(laughing)
47669,159,7,23,"AUTOMATED VOICE: Stop hitting me. Just for that, you're never getting home for the birth of your son."
47670,159,7,23,(shredding sounds)
47671,159,7,23,No!!
47672,159,7,23,"What's up, bro?"
47673,159,7,23,"Wait, how did you... with the security?"
47674,159,7,23,I'll explain.
47675,159,7,23,(grunts)
47676,159,7,23,"Tell me why we shouldn't call the authorities... right now? Go ahead, call 'em."
47677,159,7,23,"But first, can you show me the rule that says you can't drive a motorcycle on the casino floor?"
47678,159,7,23,(chuckles)
47679,159,7,23,It's not in here.
47680,159,7,23,
47681,159,7,23,"Narrator: And, kids, that sign is still there to this day."
47682,159,7,23,"When I came out, I ran into this guy."
47683,159,7,23,Two seats just opened up on his bus to New York!
47684,159,7,23,"Barney, you're a genius!"
47685,159,7,23,"Plus, here's the best part."
47686,159,7,23,"This Quinn thing is probably done, so I'm basically single."
47687,159,7,23,He said the bus is full of hot college seniors.
47688,159,7,23,"Okay, maybe he didn't say ""college."""
47689,159,7,23,"Or ""hot."""
47690,159,7,23,I miss Quinn.
47691,159,7,23,(groans)
47692,159,7,23,What is taking Marshall so long?
47693,159,7,23,Salt lick?
47694,159,7,23,Just finish the door story!
47695,159,7,23,"Oh, wow."
47696,159,7,23,I don't like this.
47697,159,7,23,"(groaning) Okay, okay, that's four minutes!"
47698,159,7,23,We're going to the hospital.
47699,159,7,23,"W-Wait, but Marshall's not here yet."
47700,159,7,23,I can't go to the hospital without Marshall!
47701,159,7,23,"I'm on it. Lily, spread your legs."
47702,159,7,23,I'm gonna see if we can see the hooves--
47703,159,7,23,"uh, the-the snout--"
47704,159,7,23,"uh, the head."
47705,159,7,23,Here we go. Take me to the hospital now.
47706,159,7,23,"Okay. Come on, come on."
47707,159,7,23,"Excuse me, sir."
47708,159,7,23,"My wife is in labor, and I really need to get to Saint Marcus Hospital."
47709,159,7,23,So where exactly in New York does this bus drop off?
47710,159,7,23,Buffalo.
47711,159,7,23,What do you mean I can't have an epidural?
47712,159,7,23,You're too far along.
47713,159,7,23,Things are moving much faster than expected.
47714,159,7,23,"Look, if your hands are tied medically, just leave the epidural on the table and walk away."
47715,159,7,23,Don't worry.
47716,159,7,23,"The baby slide right out, huh?"
47717,159,7,23,It's like a whoosh.
47718,159,7,23,(chuckles)
47719,159,7,23,Like a waterslide.
47720,159,7,23,(screaming)
47721,159,7,23,Slightly painful waterslide.
47722,159,7,23,(sobbing)
47723,159,7,23,Tell me a story now!
47724,159,7,23,Uh... Uh...
47725,159,7,23,Oh! Remember the time Barney tried to pick up girls as the Terminator?
47726,159,7,23,Yes.
47727,159,7,23,♪ ♪
47728,159,7,23,(à la Schwarzenegger): Come with me if you want to bang.
47729,159,7,23,Another.
47730,159,7,23,"Oh, uh, Ted and the freakishly long arm hair!"
47731,159,7,23,"No, I disagree, because the filling--"
47732,159,7,23,"It depends on what you're eating, right?"
47733,159,7,23,If it's...
47734,159,7,23,Whoa. What the...?
47735,159,7,23,ROBIN and MARSHALL: Whoa.
47736,159,7,23,(groaning) The debunking of the freakishly long arm hair.
47737,159,7,23,"Wait, it's-it's just a thread."
47738,159,7,23,"I was jealous, okay?"
47739,159,7,23,Barney's getting all the attention today with this Terminator thing.
47740,159,7,23,Huh. Can't believe I'm not getting laid in this thing.
47741,159,7,23,Maybe I need to pick a different part of the movie.
47742,159,7,23,♪ ♪
47743,159,7,23,(high-pitched screaming)
47744,159,7,23,Tell me another story!
47745,159,7,23,"Oh, hey, we never finished ""Where does that door go"""""
47746,159,7,23,Come on.
47747,159,7,23,Let's check it out.
47748,159,7,23,"You know what, baby, they're gone."
47749,159,7,23,It's time for us to move on.
47750,159,7,23,L-Lil...
47751,159,7,23,"Oh, my God."
47752,159,7,23,(screaming)
47753,159,7,23,New story!
47754,159,7,23,"Uh, the time we tested if banana peels are really slippery."
47755,159,7,23,Yes.
47756,159,7,23,Ready?
47757,159,7,23,There's no way that's really slippery.
47758,159,7,23,(grunts)
47759,159,7,23,Ow! Ow! Ow!
47760,159,7,23,"Uh, the Halloween we decided to go as The Breakfast Club, but failed to coordinate our costumes!"
47761,159,7,23,Uh... Does...
47762,159,7,23,Oh.
47763,159,7,23,(groans)
47764,159,7,23,(sighs)
47765,159,7,23,"Really? I mean, you live with me, Lily."
47766,159,7,23,"Yeah, that was funny."
47767,159,7,23,Keep going!
47768,159,7,23,"Oh, uh, uh... the-the time Barney saved a woman's life."
47769,159,7,23,Ready?
47770,159,7,23,There's no way that's really slippery.
47771,159,7,23,(grunts)
47772,159,7,23,(screaming)
47773,159,7,23,"Uh, the time Lily went into labor!"
47774,159,7,23,That's now!
47775,159,7,23,"Sorry, I'm running out of stories."
47776,159,7,23,Forget it!
47777,159,7,23,They're not working anymore!
47778,159,7,23,"Okay, Lily, I know this isn't how you imagined it, but I want you to know that I am here for you and I am rock solid!"
47779,159,7,23,"Oh, I can see its head."
47780,159,7,23,"Oh, thank God, Dr. Sonya!"
47781,159,7,23,You!
47782,159,7,23,Get that thing out of my delivery room!
47783,159,7,23,Weak women disgust me.
47784,159,7,23,"All right, Lily, legs up!"
47785,159,7,23,"We push now, yes?!"
47786,159,7,23,I can't. Marshall's not here yet.
47787,159,7,23,Lily!
47788,159,7,23,"If you don't push, I will shove that baby up your throat and pull it out of your mouth!"
47789,159,7,23,(screaming)
47790,159,7,23,Where the hell is Marshall?!
47791,159,7,23,I can't do this without Marshall!
47792,159,7,23,"Narrator: Kids, sometimes the universe sends exactly what you ask for."
47793,159,7,23,"Other times, it sends Lily's dad."
47794,159,7,23,(groaning): Oh...
47795,159,7,23,Remember the time you had your tonsils out?
47796,159,7,23,"Yeah, yeah."
47797,159,7,23,You scared the crap out of me.
47798,159,7,23,"Yes, I did, didn't I?"
47799,159,7,23,(laughs)
47800,159,7,23,"Oh, my."
47801,159,7,23,But do you remember what happened next?
47802,159,7,23,"And don't worry, Princess, if you permanently lose the ability to speak, we'll give you a chalkboard."
47803,159,7,23,You can hang it around your neck on a little string.
47804,159,7,23,"Nurse, I don't know who this strange man is."
47805,159,7,23,Security!
47806,159,7,23,What are you talking about? I'm your daddy.
47807,159,7,23,What do you mean...
47808,159,7,23,"Hey, fellas, come on!"
47809,159,7,23,"I woke up in a Dumpster of medical waste, and I couldn't have been prouder."
47810,159,7,23,"Because, much like that Dumpster, you had a lot of guts."
47811,159,7,23,And you've used that bravery every day of your life.
47812,159,7,23,With or without Marshall.
47813,159,7,23,You're having this baby.
47814,159,7,23,"Thanks, Dad."
47815,159,7,23,That story actually helped.
47816,159,7,23,"Oh, good, I'm glad."
47817,159,7,23,"And, you know, few women have vaginal tearing severe enough to need surgical reconstruction..."
47818,159,7,23,"Security! Oh, come on."
47819,159,7,23,That's not necessary.
47820,159,7,23,"Sweetheart, please..."
47821,159,7,23,"Oh, fellas, come on."
47822,159,7,23,"Please, sir, all you have to do is take the next exit to Manhattan."
47823,159,7,23,You'll be back on the road in 20 minutes.
47824,159,7,23,"I already told you, I'm not allowed to stop."
47825,159,7,23,"Sir, this man is having a baby tonight."
47826,159,7,23,"And instead of going to Saint Marcus Hospital, we're going to Buffalo."
47827,159,7,23,And I've seen women from there; the city's aptly named.
47828,159,7,23,"Look, I'm a screwup."
47829,159,7,23,"I had something special with this girl Quinn, and I ruined it."
47830,159,7,23,But this guy--
47831,159,7,23,he's done everything right.
47832,159,7,23,He's been loving and devoted since he was 18 years old.
47833,159,7,23,"There are only a few truly great people on this planet, and he is one of them."
47834,159,7,23,He deserves to be at the birth of his son.
47835,159,7,23,So... what do you say?
47836,159,7,23,"Unless there's an emergency, I'm not allowed to stop, so sit down, watch"
47837,159,7,23,Cocoon 2 and shut up.
47838,159,7,23,"I'm sorry, buddy, I tried."
47839,159,7,23,"Narrator: And then, something wonderful happened."
47840,159,7,23,I'm having a heart attack!
47841,159,7,23,I'm having a heart attack!
47842,159,7,23,I'm having a heart attack!
47843,159,7,23,And my doctor is at Saint Marcus Hospital!
47844,159,7,23,Man: So is mine!
47845,159,7,23,"Mine, too."
47846,159,7,23,And my son is head of Cardiology.
47847,159,7,23,All: We know!
47848,159,7,23,Push!
47849,159,7,23,I wish Marshall were here!
47850,159,7,23,"(panting): I'm here, baby."
47851,159,7,23,Marshall!
47852,159,7,23,I don't know why I passed out.
47853,159,7,23,I have delivered
47854,159,7,23,"12 perfectly healthy babies, and one of them was even human."
47855,159,7,23,"Well, it's different when it's someone you love."
47856,159,7,23,When that head was coming out of your best friend.
47857,159,7,23,"Oh, stop. I'm feeling woozy again."
47858,159,7,23,Don't.
47859,159,7,23,Salt lick?
47860,159,7,23,"In return for him getting me here, I may have promised Barney that our son's middle name will be Wait For It."
47861,159,7,23,"I can't wait, just--"
47862,159,7,23,what is the name?
47863,159,7,23,The name is Wait For It.
47864,159,7,23,(screaming)
47865,159,7,23,That is the coolest middle name of all time!
47866,159,7,23,"Look, um, I know things have been weird between us the last few months, but..."
47867,159,7,23,Marshall and Lily are having a baby.
47868,159,7,23,Yeah.
47869,159,7,23,"And, you know, I want this baby to be born into a world where we're okay."
47870,159,7,23,"So, friends?"
47871,159,7,23,"I love you, Robin."
47872,159,7,23,Kidding.
47873,159,7,23,You...
47874,159,7,23,Friends. You...
47875,159,7,23,(both laugh)
47876,159,7,23,"Guys, great news from down the hall."
47877,159,7,23,"One dollar, two bags of gummy bears!"
47878,159,7,23,"It's like, I don't even care what happens for the rest of the day."
47879,159,7,23,I...
47880,159,7,23,Hey.
47881,159,7,23,"Well, guys, uh..."
47882,159,7,23,(sighs)
47883,159,7,23,I'm a dad.
47884,159,7,23,"(laughs): Oh, my God!"
47885,159,7,23,(cheering)
47886,159,7,23,"Everybody, this is Marvin."
47887,159,7,23,We named him after my pop.
47888,159,7,23,Tell them the full name.
47889,159,7,23,Marvin Wait For It Eriksen.
47890,159,7,23,That is the coolest middle name of all-time.
47891,159,7,23,Totally.
47892,159,7,23,"♪ You were born into a strange world ♪♪ Like a candle, you were meant to share the fire ♪"
47893,159,7,23,"♪ I don't know where we come from, I don't know where we go ♪♪ But my arms were made to hold you ♪"
47894,159,7,23,♪ So I will never let you go ♪♪ 'Cause you were born ♪
47895,160,7,24,"The Magician's Code, pt2"
47896,160,7,24,"Original Air Date on May 14, 2012"
47897,160,7,24,(exhales)
47898,160,7,24,All: Boo!
47899,160,7,24,(screams)
47900,160,7,24,Narrator: Which brings us to the story of a wedding day that went horribly wrong.
47901,160,7,24,"Ted, the bride wants to see you."
47902,160,7,24,Uncle Barney was getting married.
47903,160,7,24,How the hell did we get there?
47904,160,7,24,I love the name Marvin.
47905,160,7,24,Marv.
47906,160,7,24,Sounds like a little middle-aged man.
47907,160,7,24,(chuckling)
47908,160,7,24,"Golf next weekend, Marv?"
47909,160,7,24,"How's that tax report coming, Marv?"
47910,160,7,24,"At your age, erectile dysfunction is nothing to be ashamed of, Marv."
47911,160,7,24,It was a beautiful moment.
47912,160,7,24,"But then a thought popped into my head, kids."
47913,160,7,24,The same thought that will pop
47914,160,7,24,into your heads the first time you see your best friend holding their baby.
47915,160,7,24,(staple gun clicks)
47916,160,7,24,Wonder how much this would hurt.
47917,160,7,24,(chuckles)
47918,160,7,24,(staple gun clicks)
47919,160,7,24,(screaming)
47920,160,7,24,That guy's a dad.
47921,160,7,24,(screaming)
47922,160,7,24,(baby crying)
47923,160,7,24,"Oh, I think he's hungry."
47924,160,7,24,"Oh, we'll give you some privacy."
47925,160,7,24,"Wow. Seeing them in there all together like that, they're a family, you know?"
47926,160,7,24,That's what I want.
47927,160,7,24,"Oh, Ted, I'm glad we're friends again."
47928,160,7,24,"Me, too."
47929,160,7,24,"Because as your friend, I have to tell you: You're full of crap!"
47930,160,7,24,"You say you want a family, you say you want to meet ""The One,"" but you are always chasing the wrong women."
47931,160,7,24,That is not true.
47932,160,7,24,"Look at the women you date, starting with me: I told you right away I didn't want marriage or kids."
47933,160,7,24,Stella had a child with another man who she still loved.
47934,160,7,24,Zoey was married and trying to sabotage your career and wore a lot of stupid hats.
47935,160,7,24,"If you really wanted a family, you would stop pursuing women you know that there is no future with."
47936,160,7,24,"Okay, first of all, hats were in that year, kind of."
47937,160,7,24,"Secondly, I don't always choose women there's no future with, kind of."
47938,160,7,24,Name one exception.
47939,160,7,24,Victoria.
47940,160,7,24,Ted: Victoria was great.
47941,160,7,24,"Exactly, and you threw it all away to chase after some hot piece of ass. (scoffs)"
47942,160,7,24,You mean you? Thank you!
47943,160,7,24,"Victoria is the only woman you've dated who could've been ""The One."""
47944,160,7,24,You should call her.
47945,160,7,24,"Tiny thing, last time I saw her, she was getting engaged."
47946,160,7,24,That was eight months ago.
47947,160,7,24,"For all you know, she's single again."
47948,160,7,24,What if she's married?
47949,160,7,24,What if she's not?
47950,160,7,24,"Then you would actually have a chance to get what you say you want, and it terrifies you."
47951,160,7,24,"Why? Because if I stole a scalpel and I cut you open, all I would find inside is a scared, trembling pile of crap."
47952,160,7,24,"See, I've missed these talks."
47953,160,7,24,"Oh, me, too."
47954,160,7,24,Yeah. Whoa.
47955,160,7,24,What's wrong?
47956,160,7,24,(sighs)
47957,160,7,24,I ruined things with Quinn.
47958,160,7,24,"I insisted she stop stripping, we got in a huge fight about it, then I ran off to Atlantic City for two days without calling."
47959,160,7,24,What the hell am I coming home to?
47960,160,7,24,Let's have an eight-way with my six hottest stripper friends.
47961,160,7,24,"Um, how is that a punishment?"
47962,160,7,24,Wait for it.
47963,160,7,24,But I forbid you from filming it with your overhead camera that zooms in on whoever's being the loudest.
47964,160,7,24,Nooooo!
47965,160,7,24,(shudders)
47966,160,7,24,"No, that's too cruel."
47967,160,7,24,"Or, you know, maybe Quinn's moved out."
47968,160,7,24,I didn't even think of that!
47969,160,7,24,(sighs)
47970,160,7,24,Hi.
47971,160,7,24,Welcome home.
47972,160,7,24,"I decided the place was a bit too ""American Psycho"" for me, so while you were gone, I hired a decorator and I asked him, ""What would the inside of Tinkerbell's vagina look like?"""
47973,160,7,24,And the kid just ran with it!
47974,160,7,24,So... what do you think?
47975,160,7,24,Thank God you're still here!
47976,160,7,24,Welcome home.
47977,160,7,24,Narrator: Lily and Marshall asked Robin to be the photographer for Baby Marvin's Birth Announcement card instead of me.
47978,160,7,24,Whatever.
47979,160,7,24,The only problem?
47980,160,7,24,(camera snapping)
47981,160,7,24,"These are terrible, Robin!"
47982,160,7,24,"Hey, it is not easy getting a good shot cooped up in this apartment!"
47983,160,7,24,"See, two different styles: I make compositions, Robin makes excuses."
47984,160,7,24,Click!
47985,160,7,24,Photo burn!
47986,160,7,24,Okay. How about this?
47987,160,7,24,"Tomorrow, we go to Central Park at sunset and we get the perfect picture in the perfect setting."
47988,160,7,24,"Oh, I like that."
47989,160,7,24,It'll be Marvin's first outing into the world.
47990,160,7,24,"You're gonna love the park, buddy."
47991,160,7,24,It's a great place to meet chicks.
47992,160,7,24,Or-or dudes.
47993,160,7,24,Or both.
47994,160,7,24,"Oh, we love you no matter what!"
47995,160,7,24,"Narrator: And kids, as I watched your Aunt Lily hold her baby boy, another thought popped into my head."
47996,160,7,24,"Even though you didn't buy anything, I want to thank you for coming in."
47997,160,7,24,Here's a free teddy bear.
47998,160,7,24,What are you gonna name the little guy?
47999,160,7,24,Six Pack.
48000,160,7,24,"Gun it, bitches!"
48001,160,7,24,(engine revs)
48002,160,7,24,Narrator: That girl's a mom!
48003,160,7,24,(engine revving)
48004,160,7,24,(phone chimes)
48005,160,7,24,"Okay, so I met this girl on the train, and I texted her, ""What's up"""""
48006,160,7,24,"She texted, ""Hey,"" exclamation point."
48007,160,7,24,"Does that mean, ""Ask me out"" or ""Just..."""
48008,160,7,24,"Ted, we are responsible for a whole other human life now, so new rule: You can't come to us with any issue unless it's an ""8"" or higher."
48009,160,7,24,Got it.
48010,160,7,24,So I'm thinking of texting back a winky smiley face.
48011,160,7,24,"Eight or higher, bro."
48012,160,7,24,"Well, no, what should I--"
48013,160,7,24,"Eight or higher, bro."
48014,160,7,24,"No, yeah, I'm just wondering if--"
48015,160,7,24,"Eight or higher, bro."
48016,160,7,24,"Well, where do you rate this?"
48017,160,7,24,This is the same as what's in little Marvin's pants right now: a soft two.
48018,160,7,24,"Sorry, bro."
48019,160,7,24,Stop texting the bimbo and call Victoria.
48020,160,7,24,That chapter's over.
48021,160,7,24,"W-We just weren't destined to be together. ""Destined."" Aren't you tired of waiting for destiny, Ted?"
48022,160,7,24,Isn't it time to make your own destiny?
48023,160,7,24,"Hey, false alarm."
48024,160,7,24,"What I was smelling was the previous poop, which, apparently, is still somewhere on my clothes and/or in my hair."
48025,160,7,24,"Hold him, would you? Oh. Here."
48026,160,7,24,"Ooh. Yeah, smart."
48027,160,7,24,(shutter clicking)
48028,160,7,24,"Oh, sure, that one turns out great. Ugh."
48029,160,7,24,Narrator: And then another thought popped
48030,160,7,24,into my head: That guy's nowhere near being a dad.
48031,160,7,24,(line ringing)
48032,160,7,24,VICTORIA: Hello?
48033,160,7,24,"Hey, Victoria, it's Ted."
48034,160,7,24,"Um, listen, I was just wondering if you wanted to catch up sometime; it's been a while."
48035,160,7,24,That sounds nice.
48036,160,7,24,I'm actually around this afternoon.
48037,160,7,24,"Oh, wow, uh, great."
48038,160,7,24,MacLaren's at 2:00?
48039,160,7,24,Is 1:30 okay?
48040,160,7,24,I might have a thing later.
48041,160,7,24,Yeah. Yeah. See you then.
48042,160,7,24,See you then.
48043,160,7,24,"Narrator: Meanwhile, Barney and Quinn were off to Hawaii for their first getaway as a couple."
48044,160,7,24,"Ma'am, I need you to open your suitcase."
48045,160,7,24,(sighing): It's mine.
48046,160,7,24,"Did you have to replace my luggage, too?"
48047,160,7,24,"Run away on me again, you'll be wearing hot pink stilettos."
48048,160,7,24,What's that?
48049,160,7,24,"Yeah, what is that?"
48050,160,7,24,It's a magic trick.
48051,160,7,24,"You see, I'm something of a magician."
48052,160,7,24,"Open the box, sir."
48053,160,7,24,"(laughing): Oh, I can't do that."
48054,160,7,24,(barking)
48055,160,7,24,"Sir, are there drugs in that box?"
48056,160,7,24,"Oh, no. He's probably just barking because of the explosives."
48057,160,7,24,(gasps)
48058,160,7,24,"Oh, my God!"
48059,160,7,24,Tell us what's in the box right now!
48060,160,7,24,I can't.
48061,160,7,24,Magician's Code.
48062,160,7,24,"Ted: Okay, I need to figure out if Victoria ever got engaged."
48063,160,7,24,I'll have to very subtly check for an engagement ring.
48064,160,7,24,"Hmm, can't see the left hand."
48065,160,7,24,Open the box now!
48066,160,7,24,I can't.
48067,160,7,24,Magician's Code.
48068,160,7,24,"What the hell is the Magician's Code?! ""A magician never reveals his tricks."""
48069,160,7,24,"Mr. Flanagan, my magic mentor from the hallowed Staten Island Mall Magic Shop, taught me the importance of the Code one fateful autumn night in 1993."
48070,160,7,24,Always good to tell a long story while people are aiming guns at you. 'Twas a night which would changed my life...
48071,160,7,24,(thudding)
48072,160,7,24,Hello? Mr. Flanagan.
48073,160,7,24,Wh-What are you doing here?
48074,160,7,24,Um... I'm checking up on you.
48075,160,7,24,Just to make sure you're practicing your craft or whatever.
48076,160,7,24,"That is an honor, sir."
48077,160,7,24,"And yeah, I promise, I'm practicing."
48078,160,7,24,But wait.
48079,160,7,24,"Why were you, why were you going in my mom's room?"
48080,160,7,24,Uh... your mom's actually helping me with a new trick.
48081,160,7,24,That is so cool!
48082,160,7,24,What is this trick?
48083,160,7,24,Is it sawing a lady in half?
48084,160,7,24,(wry chuckle)
48085,160,7,24,"Well, not sawing."
48086,160,7,24,"But actually, the Magician's Code forbids me from telling you anything else about the trick."
48087,160,7,24,"Loretta: Wayne, come back to bed!"
48088,160,7,24,"Okay, it involves a bed."
48089,160,7,24,W-W-Wait. Can you at least tell me the name of this trick?
48090,160,7,24,"Sure, kid."
48091,160,7,24,It's called--
48092,160,7,24,The Disappearing Salami.
48093,160,7,24,Mr. Flanagan's wife shot him before he could ever tell me what the trick was.
48094,160,7,24,"Yeah, that guy was banging your mom."
48095,160,7,24,Yup.
48096,160,7,24,Totally.
48097,160,7,24,Mr. Flanagan was not ban--
48098,160,7,24,"Oh, my God, he was."
48099,160,7,24,"Wait, why are you bringing a magic trick to Hawaii anyway?"
48100,160,7,24,I was hoping to shoot up to Honolulu for the Worldwide Magic Convention.
48101,160,7,24,Don't worry. You'll notice I was gone.
48102,160,7,24,It's only three
48103,160,7,24,14-hour days.
48104,160,7,24,"So on our romantic getaway to help me forget about you skipping town on me, you're skipping town on me?!"
48105,160,7,24,"Look Quinn, you're very important to me, but you're sharing my heart with an equally important Miss."
48106,160,7,24,Miss...
48107,160,7,24,Direction.
48108,160,7,24,What?
48109,160,7,24,H...
48110,160,7,24,Shoot him.
48111,160,7,24,So what did you order?
48112,160,7,24,"Oh, just black coffee."
48113,160,7,24,"I like it that way, too."
48114,160,7,24,"Yeah, it just tastes better to me."
48115,160,7,24,"I find that if the coffee beans are good enough, you really don't need--"
48116,160,7,24,Why are you in a wedding dress?!
48117,160,7,24,"Well, I'm sort of supposed to... get married today."
48118,160,7,24,All your friends and family are waiting for you in some church right now?
48119,160,7,24,"Well, not all; we had five last-minute no-shows."
48120,160,7,24,Well... six.
48121,160,7,24,"Mazel tov, Ted."
48122,160,7,24,I was starting to think this would never happen.
48123,160,7,24,"Oh, no, Mrs. Matsen--"
48124,160,7,24,MRS. MATSEN: I told you he wasn't gay.
48125,160,7,24,"Wait, what?"
48126,160,7,24,I was tempted to leave Klaus for you last fall.
48127,160,7,24,The only thing holding me back was the Robin of it all.
48128,160,7,24,"I know, and you were right, but... but that's all over now."
48129,160,7,24,"She moved out-- I mean, we're still friends, but that's over."
48130,160,7,24,"All these years, I never stopped thinking about you, Ted."
48131,160,7,24,I've got a car outside if you're ready to drive off into the sunset together.
48132,160,7,24,"But if you don't feel the same way, if you've closed the door on us, just say the word... and I'll go."
48133,160,7,24,"Barney, tell them the trick."
48134,160,7,24,The only person I could possibly reveal the trick to is another magician.
48135,160,7,24,"Well, I'm a magician."
48136,160,7,24,Prove it.
48137,160,7,24,Whoo-hoo!
48138,160,7,24,(gasps)
48139,160,7,24,
48140,160,7,24,Narrator: That's Barney's version.
48141,160,7,24,Quinn said it was a simple card trick.
48142,160,7,24,Who's to say which version was true?
48143,160,7,24,Quinn's. Quinn's version was true.
48144,160,7,24,Okay.
48145,160,7,24,I'll tell you.
48146,160,7,24,"Oh, that's really cool."
48147,160,7,24,So what's the trick?
48148,160,7,24,I can't say. Magician's Code.
48149,160,7,24,(gasps): Ta-da... da-da-da-da-da-da.
48150,160,7,24,(cell phone ringing)
48151,160,7,24,Hello.
48152,160,7,24,Why did you make me call Victoria?
48153,160,7,24,She's here in a wedding dress.
48154,160,7,24,I'm the verge of ruining a wedding!
48155,160,7,24,"And Mrs. Madsen's friend thinks I'm gay, but let's put a pin in that till later."
48156,160,7,24,"Oh, my God. Victoria's at the bar with Ted."
48157,160,7,24,That's a seven.
48158,160,7,24,And she's in a wedding dress.
48159,160,7,24,That's a ten.
48160,160,7,24,We got a ten!
48161,160,7,24,What are you gonna do? Where is she right now?
48162,160,7,24,"So this dress, what's the cut?"
48163,160,7,24,"Are we talking princess, ball gown, column?"
48164,160,7,24,"Right, 'cause it's a federal crime to love weddings."
48165,160,7,24,"She's in the bathroom, which I guess takes forever with that giant poufy skirt thing."
48166,160,7,24,Ball gown. Thank you.
48167,160,7,24,Four shots of tequila.
48168,160,7,24,"Ted, calm down."
48169,160,7,24,Or not. This is your chance to get the one who got away.
48170,160,7,24,"You want her, she wants you, what's the problem?"
48171,160,7,24,The problem is Victoria's in the middle of a giant freak-out.
48172,160,7,24,What if she winds up regretting this decision?
48173,160,7,24,She's going after Ted Mosby.
48174,160,7,24,That's the best decision she's ever made.
48175,160,7,24,There you go.
48176,160,7,24,Whoa. What was that? What?
48177,160,7,24,You said you wanted a picture of Baby Marvin's first outing.
48178,160,7,24,Our baby's first outing was to a bar.
48179,160,7,24,(gasps)
48180,160,7,24,I dribble Cuervo on Marv's soft spot.
48181,160,7,24,Here she comes! Quick!
48182,160,7,24,"Oh, yeah."
48183,160,7,24,Eggshell or cream?
48184,160,7,24,Is it eggshell or cream?
48185,160,7,24,So.
48186,160,7,24,You... me... riding off into the sunset.
48187,160,7,24,Any thoughts?
48188,160,7,24,"One question: FDR or Westside Highway, what's the quickest way to the sunset?"
48189,160,7,24,"Man, I wind up in these rooms a lot."
48190,160,7,24,"If we miss Hawaii because of this, guess who's not doing The Disappearing Salami anytime soon?"
48191,160,7,24,I need to ask you both a few questions.
48192,160,7,24,Let's start with you.
48193,160,7,24,Name?
48194,160,7,24,Quinn Garvey.
48195,160,7,24,Occupation?
48196,160,7,24,Unemployed.
48197,160,7,24,"Well, well, well."
48198,160,7,24,Look who's keeping secrets now.
48199,160,7,24,"Sir, I'll tell you her occupation: stripper."
48200,160,7,24,"She insists she's proud of it, but apparently not proud enough to tell you."
48201,160,7,24,"Barney, I was going to surprise you with this on our trip, but... I quit."
48202,160,7,24,You... did that for me?
48203,160,7,24,Yes.
48204,160,7,24,"And now that you know what I did for you, and how much I care for you, would you please show him the trick?"
48205,160,7,24,Sorry. Magician's Code.
48206,160,7,24,Where should we go?
48207,160,7,24,Your place?
48208,160,7,24,My place?
48209,160,7,24,We could go on my honeymoon.
48210,160,7,24,(laughs)
48211,160,7,24,Just kidding.
48212,160,7,24,"Although, it is paid for."
48213,160,7,24,I know where we should go. Where?
48214,160,7,24,Your wedding.
48215,160,7,24,I'm taking you back.
48216,160,7,24,I don't understand.
48217,160,7,24,I thought you wanted this.
48218,160,7,24,I do want this.
48219,160,7,24,I've thought about you so many times.
48220,160,7,24,What might have been...
48221,160,7,24,"But I got left at the altar, and it nearly killed me."
48222,160,7,24,"You're someone's fiancé, and I have to respect that."
48223,160,7,24,"So let's hit a motel, jam in a quickie, and get you back to your wedding."
48224,160,7,24,(giggles)
48225,160,7,24,It's the right thing to do.
48226,160,7,24,Some part of me needed to hear you say that running away together wasn't an option.
48227,160,7,24,And now that I know that... it's like I'm sobering up.
48228,160,7,24,Is there any way that we can just pretend this never happened?
48229,160,7,24,This never happened.
48230,160,7,24,Mr. Flanagan wasn't banging my mom.
48231,160,7,24,Well.
48232,160,7,24,Your flight left.
48233,160,7,24,We need to hold Mr. Stinson for further questioning.
48234,160,7,24,But you're free to go.
48235,160,7,24,Maybe I should.
48236,160,7,24,Wait!
48237,160,7,24,I'll show you the trick.
48238,160,7,24,Sir!
48239,160,7,24,May I please have the silk handkerchief in your top left breast pocket?
48240,160,7,24,Well... I don't have...
48241,160,7,24,(chuckles)
48242,160,7,24,(clears throat)
48243,160,7,24,Sim salabi ma... sim salabi ma...
48244,160,7,24,(gasps)
48245,160,7,24,"Relax, relax, it's part of the trick."
48246,160,7,24,How did you get that through the X-Ray machine?
48247,160,7,24,"No questions from the audience, please!"
48248,160,7,24,(chanting nonsense syllables)
48249,160,7,24,What is that?
48250,160,7,24,"Madam, may I please have the key on your necklace?"
48251,160,7,24,Oh!
48252,160,7,24,(giggles)
48253,160,7,24,(beeping)
48254,160,7,24,Is that gonna explode?
48255,160,7,24,What?
48256,160,7,24,(screams)
48257,160,7,24,(coughing)
48258,160,7,24,Ahem.
48259,160,7,24,(mock gasps)
48260,160,7,24,What?
48261,160,7,24,(loudly): Will you marry me?
48262,160,7,24,Yes.
48263,160,7,24,(laughing)
48264,160,7,24,"Come on, guys."
48265,160,7,24,We're losing the light for Baby's Second First Outing.
48266,160,7,24,"Narrator: I hate to say it, but Robin nailed it."
48267,160,7,24,(door closes)
48268,160,7,24,"Hey. Guys, we've got something to tell you."
48269,160,7,24,"Eight or higher, bro."
48270,160,7,24,We're engaged.
48271,160,7,24,That's a... that's a ten.
48272,160,7,24,We got another ten!
48273,160,7,24,"Oh... Wow, big day!"
48274,160,7,24,Congratulations! Thank you.
48275,160,7,24,How did this happen?
48276,160,7,24,Oh... magic.
48277,160,7,24,Oh.
48278,160,7,24,"Uh, not to ruin the moment, but apparently little Marvin is quite stunned by the news."
48279,160,7,24,Well...
48280,160,7,24,Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
48281,160,7,24,Do you guys mind recounting this romantic tale next to a Diaper Genie?
48282,160,7,24,"Oh, Marvin, you're about to hear your first love story!"
48283,160,7,24,"QUINN: Once up on a time, this creepy magic dude was boning Barney's mom..."
48284,160,7,24,It's our last chance to run away together.
48285,160,7,24,Door's right there.
48286,160,7,24,"Yes, we'll start a new life."
48287,160,7,24,Head for the border! Canada!
48288,160,7,24,"Eh, Mexico. Canada sucks."
48289,160,7,24,"Okay, well, you're one-quarter Canadian, so by that logic you one-quarter suck."
48290,160,7,24,I'm 100% awesome and you know it.
48291,160,7,24,"Yeah, I do."
48292,160,7,24,(clears throat)
48293,160,7,24,"Look, I-I hope this isn't weird, or anything, because..."
48294,160,7,24,Barney...
48295,160,7,24,I'm... I'm really happy for you.
48296,160,7,24,Really?
48297,160,7,24,♪ I listen to the wind ♪
48298,160,7,24,Really.
48299,160,7,24,♪ To the wind of my soul ♪♪ Where I'll end up well I think ♪
48300,160,7,24,♪ Only God really knows ♪♪ I've sat upon ♪
48301,160,7,24,♪ The setting sun ♪♪ But never never never... ♪
48302,160,7,24,You just drove right by the church.
48303,160,7,24,I know.
48304,160,7,24,♪ I never wanted water once ♪
48305,160,7,24,"♪ No, never, never, never ♪♪ I listen to my words ♪"
48306,160,7,24,♪ But they fall far below ♪
48307,160,7,24,"The road to this day has had a few twists and turns, hasn't it?"
48308,160,7,24,Yeah. Just a few.
48309,160,7,24,♪ My heart wants to go ♪
48310,160,7,24,"In a weird way, it all makes sense, though, doesn't it?"
48311,160,7,24,Yeah.
48312,160,7,24,"Yeah, it kind of does."
48313,160,7,24,♪ ...the devil's lake ♪♪ But never never ♪
48314,160,7,24,♪ Never never ♪
48315,160,7,24,The bride wants to see me?
48316,161,8,1,"Oh, you look like you're coming from a wedding."
48317,161,8,1,Was it a nice one?
48318,161,8,1,"Uh, it's a long story, and I don't mean to be rude, but I really don't feel like talking about it."
48319,161,8,1,It all started when the bride asked to see me...
48320,161,8,1,Wow.
48321,161,8,1,"Okay, don't sugarcoat it, Mosby."
48322,161,8,1,"Just give it to me straight, okay?"
48323,161,8,1,How bad is Barney freaking out right now?
48324,161,8,1,"Oh, he's fine."
48325,161,8,1,"No, I'm serious. He's totally fine."
48326,161,8,1,I have a better tie at home!
48327,161,8,1,It's cornflower blue!
48328,161,8,1,It's cornflower blue!
48329,161,8,1,"You may rest assured, Barney Stinson is absolutely 100%"
48330,161,8,1,going through with this wedding.
48331,161,8,1,(sighs)
48332,161,8,1,Okay.
48333,161,8,1,Good news.
48334,161,8,1,"Um, just one small issue, uh..."
48335,161,8,1,I can't go through with this wedding.
48336,161,8,1,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x01 ♪
48337,161,8,1,Farhampton
48338,161,8,1,"Original Air Date on September 24, 2012"
48339,161,8,1,"Okay, calm down, everyone feels this way on their wedding day."
48340,161,8,1,It'll pass. No.
48341,161,8,1,It's more than that.
48342,161,8,1,I'm having a serious crisis.
48343,161,8,1,And I wonder if it would be hard to climb out that window.
48344,161,8,1,"Uh, climbing out's easy."
48345,161,8,1,Climbing in's the real challenge.
48346,161,8,1,"Oh, right."
48347,161,8,1,"It's the same window, isn't it?"
48348,161,8,1,Yeah.
48349,161,8,1,Narrator: That story transpired in May of 2012.
48350,161,8,1,"As you may recall, Lily and Marshall were gloriously happy having just welcomed your cousin Marvin."
48351,161,8,1,While Barney and Quinn were gloriously happy having just gotten engaged.
48352,161,8,1,"And Robin, well..."
48353,161,8,1,"Ah, got it!"
48354,161,8,1,"Man, that sum'bitch had been in there since breakfast!"
48355,161,8,1,I think there's some in the fridge.
48356,161,8,1,We'll get it.
48357,161,8,1,"We're totally not gonna go have s*x in the kitchen, if that's what you're thinking."
48358,161,8,1,"Aw, we're not?"
48359,161,8,1,"No, no, we are. I already took off your bra."
48360,161,8,1,Oh!
48361,161,8,1,"Hey, are you guys sure you can handle champagne?"
48362,161,8,1,You haven't slept in like a week.
48363,161,8,1,We should just call it a night.
48364,161,8,1,"Oh, I see what this is about."
48365,161,8,1,You feel weird because Barney's engaged.
48366,161,8,1,What?!
48367,161,8,1,No. Of course not.
48368,161,8,1,And I will tell you why it's not weird.
48369,161,8,1,What's not weird?
48370,161,8,1,The fact that Barney's engaged.
48371,161,8,1,Barney's engaged?!
48372,161,8,1,"Heck, this calls for some champagne."
48373,161,8,1,I think there's some in the fridge.
48374,161,8,1,"Oh, my God, why don't you both just admit it: You're deliriously exhausted."
48375,161,8,1,Both: We're fine!
48376,161,8,1,Really? We're not gonna be the kind of people who have a baby and become total zombies.
48377,161,8,1,"Marshall: Yes, Robin."
48378,161,8,1,We're not gonna be the kind of people that have a zombie and become total babies.
48379,161,8,1,"Okay, well, what the I was saying is..."
48380,161,8,1,"(slow, garbled speech)"
48381,161,8,1,Do you understand?
48382,161,8,1,"Yes! God, yes!"
48383,161,8,1,"You are preaching to the choir, sister."
48384,161,8,1,Whew!
48385,161,8,1,Hey. So...
48386,161,8,1,"I am thinking about my bridal party and, uh, I don't have a lot of girlfriends."
48387,161,8,1,"I mean, I have work friends, but I worked at a strip club and I know they'll just complain about any bridesmaid's dress that has a front, so..."
48388,161,8,1,Would you guys be my bridesmaids?
48389,161,8,1,I'd be honored. Yes!
48390,161,8,1,"Not you, Marshall."
48391,161,8,1,"But, yay, thank you! Oh."
48392,161,8,1,"Oh, thank you. Oh, my gosh."
48393,161,8,1,It's gonna be so much fun.
48394,161,8,1,"Yeah, now it's weird."
48395,161,8,1,What's weird?
48396,161,8,1,Me being Quinn's bridesmaid.
48397,161,8,1,"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, sweetie."
48398,161,8,1,She probably won't even ask you.
48399,161,8,1,She just did.
48400,161,8,1,And we both said yes.
48401,161,8,1,"Heck, this calls for some champagne."
48402,161,8,1,I think there's some in the fridge.
48403,161,8,1,"Narrator: Meanwhile, I was also gloriously happy, driving off into the sunset with Victoria, who left her fiance Klaus at the altar for me."
48404,161,8,1,There was just one problem.
48405,161,8,1,I wonder if Klaus found your note yet.
48406,161,8,1,My note?
48407,161,8,1,"Yeah, you know, the ""I'm leaving you at the altar"" note."
48408,161,8,1,Is that a thing?
48409,161,8,1,(tires screech)
48410,161,8,1,"When you leave someone at the altar, you always leave a note."
48411,161,8,1,It's common courtesy.
48412,161,8,1,I think common courtesy went out the window when I did.
48413,161,8,1,"Look, when Stella left me at the altar, at least I got an explanation."
48414,161,8,1,"I mean, that note is what keeps you sane."
48415,161,8,1,"You read it, you re-read it, you memorize it, you sleep with it, you sniff it because it still kind of smells like her, and then, finally... you let it go... tied to a brick, right through her perfect little suburban bay window."
48416,161,8,1,I'll just text him.
48417,161,8,1,You're leaving a note.
48418,161,8,1,"So, Barney and I have already disagreed on a few of the wedding details."
48419,161,8,1,"I want to go with a buffet, and he wants to ride down the aisle on a grizzly bear."
48420,161,8,1,He'll be wearing a tux.
48421,161,8,1,"Fine, fine, I'll settle for a panda bear, but you have to call my tailor."
48422,161,8,1,He'll be furious about the switch.
48423,161,8,1,"Robin: Hey, Barney, uh..."
48424,161,8,1,We've gotta talk.
48425,161,8,1,"Um, Quinn just asked me to be one of her bridesmaids."
48426,161,8,1,Isn't she even a little weirded out that you and I used to date?
48427,161,8,1,Quinn doesn't have a jealous bone in her body.
48428,161,8,1,She rolls with the punches.
48429,161,8,1,She... Doesn't have a clue.
48430,161,8,1,"No, she does not."
48431,161,8,1,Okay.
48432,161,8,1,"Okay. ""Klaus, there is no easy way to tell you why I won't be marrying you today."
48433,161,8,1,"Have a great summer, Victoria."""
48434,161,8,1,That's it?
48435,161,8,1,"No, no, we gotta do this right."
48436,161,8,1,"Well, you can't write it."
48437,161,8,1,"One look, it's gonna be obvious it's a guy's handwri..."
48438,161,8,1,"Oh no, we're good."
48439,161,8,1,"Okay, fine, you write, I'll advise."
48440,161,8,1,(sighs)
48441,161,8,1,"""Klaus."""
48442,161,8,1,"Just ""Klaus""?"
48443,161,8,1,"Come on, give it some heart, the poor guy. ""Dear sweet Klaus..."" ""Sweet?"" What, are you still in love with this jerk?"
48444,161,8,1,I'm doing this on my own.
48445,161,8,1,"I'm sorry, I just... you know, I feel bad for the guy."
48446,161,8,1,I'm stealing the greatest girl in the world away from him.
48447,161,8,1,You're not stealing me.
48448,161,8,1,I'm choosing you.
48449,161,8,1,Because you are loving and you are caring... and you are going to go deliver this note.
48450,161,8,1,"Wait, you want me to go in there?"
48451,161,8,1,"It took everything I had to climb out that church window today. and if I have to go back in there, I'm not sure I can do it again."
48452,161,8,1,It has to smell like you.
48453,161,8,1,(shuts door)
48454,161,8,1,So Quinn has no idea that we used to date?
48455,161,8,1,None whatsoever.
48456,161,8,1,"Okay, Barney, think this through."
48457,161,8,1,Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with Quinn...
48458,161,8,1,"Oh, God, you have a point."
48459,161,8,1,Haven't gotten to it yet.
48460,161,8,1,(anxious laugh)
48461,161,8,1,Of course. Continue.
48462,161,8,1,Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with Quinn and keep this secret?
48463,161,8,1,"I mean, she's gonna find out."
48464,161,8,1,Quinn's not gonna find out because I've destroyed every piece of evidence that you and I were ever a couple.
48465,161,8,1,That's ridiculous.
48466,161,8,1,You couldn't have gotten rid of all of it.
48467,161,8,1,You replaced me with a tiger.
48468,161,8,1,I couldn't completely get you out of that one.
48469,161,8,1,Had to get creative.
48470,161,8,1,"Well, I'm glad that deleting our entire time together was so easy for you."
48471,161,8,1,But I guarantee you: Quinn is gonna find out eventually.
48472,161,8,1,"No, she won't."
48473,161,8,1,I just need your help.
48474,161,8,1,"Yours, too."
48475,161,8,1,"I know you're out of it, but you have to promise not to tell Quinn, okay?"
48476,161,8,1,Tell Quinn what?
48477,161,8,1,Exactly.
48478,161,8,1,"No, she's really asking."
48479,161,8,1,Tell Quinn what?
48480,161,8,1,(water burbling)
48481,161,8,1,Both: Ooooooh...
48482,161,8,1,Can't climb the drainpipe. What?
48483,161,8,1,"When I was in fourth grade, I couldn't climb the rope in gym class and all the other kids made fun of me, even though it wasn't my fault."
48484,161,8,1,I had to go after Efthimios Papajapoulos.
48485,161,8,1,The rope was slick with lamb grease!
48486,161,8,1,"Okay, so just walk in the front door and act like you belong."
48487,161,8,1,Here.
48488,161,8,1,Here's the key to the dressing room.
48489,161,8,1,Can I help you?
48490,161,8,1,Hi. I'm the church handyman.
48491,161,8,1,I'm here to fix the broken thing.
48492,161,8,1,It's busted.
48493,161,8,1,"The bride is taking a ""schnooze."""
48494,161,8,1,She asked me to stand watch so that no one disturbs her.
48495,161,8,1,I'll be quick.
48496,161,8,1,You will be dead.
48497,161,8,1,I used to wrestle in Leipzig.
48498,161,8,1,You know what?
48499,161,8,1,A note's redundant.
48500,161,8,1,You're not there. He gets it.
48501,161,8,1,"No, you were right, I have to leave a note."
48502,161,8,1,It's common courtesy.
48503,161,8,1,"Well, it's not gonna be possible with Andrea the Giant standing guard up there."
48504,161,8,1,"Oh, right, Klaus's sister."
48505,161,8,1,It's too bad Barney's not here.
48506,161,8,1,"Man, he lives for bridesmaids."
48507,161,8,1,"Right, but he's not."
48508,161,8,1,And it's not like he could seduce Uta over the phone.
48509,161,8,1,Challenge accepted!
48510,161,8,1,"Honey, it's not cheating if it's on the phone, right?"
48511,161,8,1,Say what now?
48512,161,8,1,Quinn's on board!
48513,161,8,1,Text me her number!
48514,161,8,1,"You filthy, disgusting man!"
48515,161,8,1,"But yes, I will do that to myself at your instruction."
48516,161,8,1,Let me find a broom closet.
48517,161,8,1,"Oh, ja, good."
48518,161,8,1,I did it. I did it!
48519,161,8,1,You're amazing.
48520,161,8,1,Let's get out of here.
48521,161,8,1,I left the car keys in the dressing room.
48522,161,8,1,Pretty sure the door locked behind me.
48523,161,8,1,(car horn beeping)
48524,161,8,1,"Oh, God... Oh, God... Oh, God..."
48525,161,8,1,I found it kind of insulting that Barney doesn't think we can keep this secret.
48526,161,8,1,"I mean, yeah, Marvin's keeping us up all night."
48527,161,8,1,But he's still the prettiest little girl in the city.
48528,161,8,1,"Baby, did you just hear yourself?"
48529,161,8,1,"You said, ""Prettiest little girl in the city."""
48530,161,8,1,"I think you meant ""country"""""
48531,161,8,1,Yeah.
48532,161,8,1,"I mean, what does Barney think?"
48533,161,8,1,We're just gonna blurt out that he used to date...
48534,161,8,1,Shh!
48535,161,8,1,Oh... that was close.
48536,161,8,1,Quinn could've heard us through the...
48537,161,8,1,(mouthing)
48538,161,8,1,Good catch!
48539,161,8,1,I almost just blurted out that Barney used to date Robin!
48540,161,8,1,Barney used to date Robin?!
48541,161,8,1,(screaming)
48542,161,8,1,(baby crying)
48543,161,8,1,When did you get in here?
48544,161,8,1,"Like, ten minutes ago when you said, ""Hey Quinn, let's all go hang out in Marvin's room."""
48545,161,8,1,"Aufwiedersehen, fraulein."
48546,161,8,1,"You know, I hate to perpetuate the stereotype, but German female wrestlers from Saxony are just begging for it."
48547,161,8,1,You dated Robin?
48548,161,8,1,Verdammt!
48549,161,8,1,I'm sorry I lied to you. I'll tell you everything.
48550,161,8,1,The whole story. Fine. You have one minute before I walk out that door.
48551,161,8,1,"Um, it's, uh, kind of a long story, Quinn."
48552,161,8,1,Gonna take a bit little longer than a minute.
48553,161,8,1,52 seconds.
48554,161,8,1,"Seven years ago, when Marshall and Lily got engaged, Ted saw Robin across a crowded room, and I said, ""Oh, yeah, you just know she likes it dirty,"" but Ted really liked her so we played ""Have you met Ted?"""
48555,161,8,1,"They went to dinner, he walked her home, shoulda kissed her, didn't-- lame-- so he stole a smurf pen1s, went back to her place, should've kissed her, didn't-- lame."
48556,161,8,1,"He threw three parties, they kissed on the roof, but decided to be friends--"
48557,161,8,1,lame--
48558,161,8,1,"then Ted wanted to take Robin to a wedding, she couldn't go, he went alone and met Victoria, didn't kiss her either-- lame--"
48559,161,8,1,"not a great closer, Ted--"
48560,161,8,1,"but he finally kissed her, they started dating, she went to Germany, Ted kissed Robin, lost Victoria, Ted did a rain dance, got Robin, Ted and Robin broke up, Robin moved to Brazil, came back with a Latin stud, Ted got jealous, got a tramp stamp, not really relevant to the story I just like mentioning that as much as possible, I hooked up with Robin, Ted and I stopped being friends, Ted got hit by a bus, we made up..."
48561,161,8,1,"Robin and I started dating, I got fat, her hair fell out."
48562,161,8,1,"We broke up, Robin dated Don, I dated Nora, cheated on her with Robin, I dumped Nora, Robin dated Kevin, but not for long, and then I met you and you took my grandpa's watch but I fell in love with you anyway, and you let me fart in front of you and I asked you to marry me and you said yes and we came over here to meet little Marvin and that's everything!"
48563,161,8,1,Also I went on the Price Is Right and won a dune buggy.
48564,161,8,1,"Goodbye, Barney."
48565,161,8,1,Good... I j...
48566,161,8,1,She lets you fart in front of her?
48567,161,8,1,Marshall: Barney... you go get that girl.
48568,161,8,1,"Oh, God!"
48569,161,8,1,You cannot tell anyone that you saw me.
48570,161,8,1,I cannot get married today!
48571,161,8,1,Klaus?
48572,161,8,1,"Oh, I'm a mess."
48573,161,8,1,"I threw up in the cloakroom, I blamed a small child."
48574,161,8,1,I cannot get married.
48575,161,8,1,I left a note.
48576,161,8,1,Good for you. Not everyone thinks of that.
48577,161,8,1,Who doesn't leave a note?
48578,161,8,1,It's common courtesy.
48579,161,8,1,Thank you!
48580,161,8,1,Do you have the time? Um...
48581,161,8,1,"Yeah, it's 20 after 7:00."
48582,161,8,1,"Ah, sehr gut."
48583,161,8,1,I can still make the 8:05 back to the city.
48584,161,8,1,Auf wiedersehen!
48585,161,8,1,
48586,161,8,1,Narrator: And suddenly it hit me: a way to absolve Victoria of any blame.
48587,161,8,1,All I had to do was climb that drainpipe.
48588,161,8,1,"What? No, Klaus, no."
48589,161,8,1,(melodramatic weeping)
48590,161,8,1,"Mach schnell, sleepyhead, it's time to..."
48591,161,8,1,I know about you and Barney.
48592,161,8,1,(Marshall gasps)
48593,161,8,1,Who told her?!
48594,161,8,1,You guys did.
48595,161,8,1,"God, go to sleep."
48596,161,8,1,"Okay, no one is going anywhere until we find out who told you."
48597,161,8,1,Look... there is nothing going on between me and Robin.
48598,161,8,1,And why should I believe that?
48599,161,8,1,"Well, for starters, I have a boyfriend."
48600,161,8,1,"No, Robin, you don't have to do this."
48601,161,8,1,There've been enough lies.
48602,161,8,1,I'm not lying.
48603,161,8,1,His name is Nick.
48604,161,8,1,"I didn't want to jinx it by telling everyone, so I just told Marshall and Lily."
48605,161,8,1,"You can tell 'em, guys."
48606,161,8,1,We were just talking about this earlier today.
48607,161,8,1,"Robin: Okay, well, what I was saying is..."
48608,161,8,1,(water burbling)
48609,161,8,1,"I have no desire to get Barney back because I'm with Nick now and, well, I don't want to be crude, but I want to spend all day licking his abs."
48610,161,8,1,Do you understand?
48611,161,8,1,"Yes! God, yes!"
48612,161,8,1,"You are preaching to the choir, sister."
48613,161,8,1,I stand by it.
48614,161,8,1,"Guys, it's okay."
48615,161,8,1,You're new parents.
48616,161,8,1,You just need to get some sleep.
48617,161,8,1,We're fine!
48618,161,8,1,(baby crying)
48619,161,8,1,(Marshall and Lily crying)
48620,161,8,1,"This is hard, guys."
48621,161,8,1,Really hard.
48622,161,8,1,"(crying, then snoring)"
48623,161,8,1,"Oh, God! Stay with me."
48624,161,8,1,Stay with me.
48625,161,8,1,Go get your baby. Yeah.
48626,161,8,1,"Look, it doesn't matter that you have a boyfriend."
48627,161,8,1,I'm always gonna be wondering if you secretly still have feelings for Barney.
48628,161,8,1,I don't care who this guy is.
48629,161,8,1,"Okay, we're good."
48630,161,8,1,"Okay, well, I'm glad I left work early for this."
48631,161,8,1,"Robin, maybe later we can discuss the meaning of the word ""emergency"" and the phrase ""Trapped under a car."""
48632,161,8,1,Okay. Okay.
48633,161,8,1,You know he has chicken legs.
48634,161,8,1,Little tiny chicken legs.
48635,161,8,1,"You guys saw those, right?"
48636,161,8,1,"Honey, it's not cheating if I lie down on the bar and let Nick do a shot from my belly button, right?"
48637,161,8,1,Say what now?
48638,161,8,1,Barney's on board!
48639,161,8,1,"Nick, hold on!"
48640,161,8,1,Thanks for your help today.
48641,161,8,1,"Yeah, sure."
48642,161,8,1,"Although, it, uh, kind of sucked seeing how easy it was for you to throw away everything from our relationship."
48643,161,8,1,(scoffs)
48644,161,8,1,I... I could never do that.
48645,161,8,1,622 West 14th Street.
48646,161,8,1,"Narrator: And so, Victoria and I were back where we started."
48647,161,8,1,But there was something I couldn't get off my mind...
48648,161,8,1,I'll be right back.
48649,161,8,1,"Uh, excuse me."
48650,161,8,1,"Oh, hey, it's you."
48651,161,8,1,"Ja, okay, I'm not sure what kind of vibe I was giving off before, but I am not interested in your schnitzel, okay?"
48652,161,8,1,"No, no, no, no, no-- God, no."
48653,161,8,1,I-I just have one quick question: Victoria seems like a great girl.
48654,161,8,1,Why wouldn't you want to marry her?
48655,161,8,1,"Ach, okay, Victoria is wunderbar."
48656,161,8,1,"I'm sorry, wunderbar is the German word for wonderful."
48657,161,8,1,"Yeah, no, I know."
48658,161,8,1,"Oh, you speak German?"
48659,161,8,1,"Sie sprechen Deutsch? Ich habe keine Freund, die Deutsch sprechen in Amerika und und es macht mir so einsam!"
48660,161,8,1,No...
48661,161,8,1,"No, no, no..."
48662,161,8,1,"No, just-just-just the one word."
48663,161,8,1,Oh. Oh.
48664,161,8,1,"Ah... Okay, Victoria."
48665,161,8,1,There is a word in German: Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz.
48666,161,8,1,"And the closest translation would be... ""Lifelong Treasure of Destiny."""
48667,161,8,1,"And Victoria is wunderbar,"
48668,161,8,1,but she is not my
48669,161,8,1,Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz.
48670,161,8,1,She is my
48671,161,8,1,"Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand,"
48672,161,8,1,you know?
48673,161,8,1,You know wunderbar
48674,161,8,1,but you don't know
48675,161,8,1,Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand?
48676,161,8,1,That is something we learn in kindergarten.
48677,161,8,1,"I'm sorry, ""kindergarten"" is the German word for--"
48678,161,8,1,"No, no, I know that one."
48679,161,8,1,"Oh, okay."
48680,161,8,1,But you don't know
48681,161,8,1,Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand?
48682,161,8,1,You are maddeningly inconsistent.
48683,161,8,1,"It means... ""the thing that is almost the thing that you want..."
48684,161,8,1,"...but it's not quite."""
48685,161,8,1,Das ist Victoria to me.
48686,161,8,1,How do you know she's not
48687,161,8,1,Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz?
48688,161,8,1,"I mean, maybe as the years go by, she'll get"
48689,161,8,1,Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz
48690,161,8,1,-ier.
48691,161,8,1,"Oh, nein, nein, nein."
48692,161,8,1,Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz
48693,161,8,1,is not something that develops over time.
48694,161,8,1,It is something that happens instantaneously.
48695,161,8,1,It courses through you like the water of a river after a storm...
48696,161,8,1,...filling you and emptying you all at once.
48697,161,8,1,You feel it throughout your body...
48698,161,8,1,♪ Coming up only ♪
48699,161,8,1,In your hands...
48700,161,8,1,♪ To show you wrong ♪
48701,161,8,1,in your heart... in your stomach...
48702,161,8,1,♪ And to know you is hard ♪
48703,161,8,1,...in your skin...
48704,161,8,1,♪ We wonder ♪
48705,161,8,1,Of course you feel it in your
48706,161,8,1,Schlauchmachendejungen.
48707,161,8,1,Pardon my French.
48708,161,8,1,Have you ever felt this way about someone?
48709,161,8,1,"Yeah, I think so."
48710,161,8,1,"If you have to think about it, you have not felt it."
48711,161,8,1,And you're absolutely sure you'll find that someday?
48712,161,8,1,Of course.
48713,161,8,1,Everyone does eventually.
48714,161,8,1,You just never know when or where.
48715,161,8,1,Narrator: And he was right.
48716,161,8,1,"Unfortunately, the ""when"" of it was still a little ways down the road."
48717,161,8,1,"But the ""where"" of it?"
48718,161,8,1,(thunder crashes)
48719,161,8,1,♪ Really too late to call ♪♪ So we wait for ♪
48720,161,8,1,♪ Morning to wake you is all we got ♪
48721,161,8,1,"Yeah, there's your change."
48722,161,8,1,"Oh, and don't forget your guitar."
48723,161,8,1,"♪ To know me as hardly golden ♪♪ Is to know me all wrong, they warn ♪"
48724,162,8,2,"Narrator: Kids, the summer of 2012 was the Summer of Love."
48725,162,8,2,"Barney and Quinn, me and Victoria, Robin and Nick, Lily, Marshall and Marvin."
48726,162,8,2,Everyone was happy as can be.
48727,162,8,2,(all sigh happily)
48728,162,8,2,Which means there are absolutely no good stories.
48729,162,8,2,Let's skip ahead...
48730,162,8,2,"...to October 2012, the official kick-off of what came to be known as the Autumn of Breakups."
48731,162,8,2,It all started when Barney got a little friendly advice from a coworker.
48732,162,8,2,"Get a prenup, or I'll neuter you before she ever has a chance!"
48733,162,8,2,"First of all, if you have an onion bagel, you don't need scallion cream cheese."
48734,162,8,2,(gagging)
48735,162,8,2,"Secondly, Quinn is a great girl."
48736,162,8,2,I trust her.
48737,162,8,2,"Oh, Darlene was a great girl."
48738,162,8,2,I trusted her.
48739,162,8,2,And then she took everything!
48740,162,8,2,"My house, my car... my dog Tugboat."
48741,162,8,2,I even lost out with the kids.
48742,162,8,2,Full custody!
48743,162,8,2,I got full custody of those kids!
48744,162,8,2,Your kids are horrible.
48745,162,8,2,The worst.
48746,162,8,2,"Barney, I watched as Darlene cut everything good out of my life like a deranged surgeon hacking out organs, and that's not a metaphor."
48747,162,8,2,She got one of my kidneys.
48748,162,8,2,(musical horror sting)
48749,162,8,2,That's her ringtone.
48750,162,8,2,"I have nothing left to give you, Darlene!"
48751,162,8,2,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x02 ♪
48752,162,8,2,The Pre-Nup
48753,162,8,2,"Original Air Date on October 1, 2012"
48754,162,8,2,"Hey, you ready for lunch?"
48755,162,8,2,"Hey, there she is."
48756,162,8,2,The future Mrs. Barney Stinson.
48757,162,8,2,"You better enjoy signing your name ""Quinn Garvey"" while you still can, right?"
48758,162,8,2,"Like, I don't know... here, here, here, initial here..."
48759,162,8,2,What is this?
48760,162,8,2,"Oh, this is our prenup."
48761,162,8,2,Black or blue? Totally up to you.
48762,162,8,2,"Um, can I read it first?"
48763,162,8,2,Can you believe that?
48764,162,8,2,He wants me to sign a prenup!
48765,162,8,2,Can you believe that?
48766,162,8,2,She wants to read it first!
48767,162,8,2,Just go ahead and sign.
48768,162,8,2,"It's all pretty standard. ""In the event of divorce, ""Mr. Stinson is granted weekly visitation rights to Ann, Sarah and Molly."""
48769,162,8,2,You named our future kids?
48770,162,8,2,That's actually pretty sweet.
48771,162,8,2,Those are Mr. Stinson's names for your lady parts.
48772,162,8,2,It's important for the girls to maintain a relationship with their daddy.
48773,162,8,2,(imitates small explosion)
48774,162,8,2,You named her lady parts?
48775,162,8,2,Everyone does that.
48776,162,8,2,So... Lily?
48777,162,8,2,"Snap, Crackle, Pop."
48778,162,8,2,(popping sound)
48779,162,8,2,Solid. Wait.
48780,162,8,2,Is this prenup in any way legit?
48781,162,8,2,"I mean, so far, it sounds a lot like that bar napkin document you make one-night stands sign, promising not to get clingy."
48782,162,8,2,"The Pre-Shtup, patent pending."
48783,162,8,2,"God, I come up with a lot of good stuff!"
48784,162,8,2,"Anyway, I realize these aren't just terms for divorce, so I ask..."
48785,162,8,2,Are these rules for how I have to behave in our marriage?
48786,162,8,2,Rules?
48787,162,8,2,Suggestions.
48788,162,8,2,Rich people and celebrities put stuff like this in their prenups all the time.
48789,162,8,2,And those are the marriages that last.
48790,162,8,2,"I have to pay $2,000"
48791,162,8,2,every time I gain a pound?
48792,162,8,2,Not every time.
48793,162,8,2,Just if it shows up at the weekly weigh-in.
48794,162,8,2,"See, you can't do that. ""Miss Garvey must invent 12 new sexual positions per year, ""at least ten of which involve her doing all or most of the work."""
48795,162,8,2,"You definitely can't do that. Hm-mm. ""Miss Garvey's breasts must be enhanced every five years or 50,000 honka-honkas, whichever comes first."""
48796,162,8,2,That's actually not bad. I'll allow it.
48797,162,8,2,That's repulsive.
48798,162,8,2,"And, sidebar: why do men think women like to be honka-honka'd?"
48799,162,8,2,What woman wants her breasts squeezed like a seal horn?
48800,162,8,2,Um... totally.
48801,162,8,2,"Lily like-a-like-a the honka-honka. ""All hair below the neck must be removed weekly."""
48802,162,8,2,"Hey, you're gonna be thanking me for that hair loss during the weigh-in. ""Miss Garvey's parents may stay at our place as long as they like."""
48803,162,8,2,"Well, at least that one's nice. ""Provided they each arrive in an urn."" ""Wives two through eight will make a weekly chore wheel."""
48804,162,8,2,"I'm sorry, I borrowed a few sections from a prenup I did for a Saudi Arabian sultan."
48805,162,8,2,I'll cross out the extra wives stuff.
48806,162,8,2,Unless...
48807,162,8,2,Cross it out.
48808,162,8,2,"My God! What the hell does Barney think marriage is going to be like, anyway?"
48809,162,8,2,"Just a healthy, modern-day marriage, based on mutual respect between two equals."
48810,162,8,2,"Ready for your wake-up lap dance, Master?"
48811,162,8,2,Aren't you forgetting something?
48812,162,8,2,(gasps)
48813,162,8,2,"Oh, my God, it's 9:00 a.m."
48814,162,8,2,Legally mandated morning pillow fight time!
48815,162,8,2,(women cheer)
48816,162,8,2,Women: Best husband ever.
48817,162,8,2,Best husband ever.
48818,162,8,2,Best husband ever. Aw.
48819,162,8,2,Best husband e...
48820,162,8,2,"Sorry, sorry, we crossed out the wives two through eight stuff. Unless... Nope."
48821,162,8,2,Okay. Don't worry. I crossed it out.
48822,162,8,2,I didn't really cross it out.
48823,162,8,2,I can hear you.
48824,162,8,2,I'll cross it out.
48825,162,8,2,I didn't really cross it out.
48826,162,8,2,"Hey, hey..."
48827,162,8,2,"Hey, guys, what's up?"
48828,162,8,2,"Oh, Quinn's pissed because Barney wants her to sign a crazy prenup."
48829,162,8,2,But is it really crazy?
48830,162,8,2,"Yes. Well, I'm new to this but guessing yes."
48831,162,8,2,"Okay, look."
48832,162,8,2,"Did I go... a speck of sand, a fairy eyelash, a unicorn whisper too far?"
48833,162,8,2,Perhaps.
48834,162,8,2,But can you tell me there's nothing in any of your relationships you'd want to change?
48835,162,8,2,No behavior you'd want to outlaw?
48836,162,8,2,No terms you'd want to renegotiate?
48837,162,8,2,Look me in the eye and tell me I'm crazy.
48838,162,8,2,Others: You're crazy.
48839,162,8,2,Narrator: But a funny thing happened that night.
48840,162,8,2,(all taking at once)
48841,162,8,2,"Look, I'm not saying he's right, but Barney does have a little bit of a point."
48842,162,8,2,"Marshall: But on this one, he may have a point. I mean, look... the idea of renegotiating the terms of the relationship, that's valid."
48843,162,8,2,NICK: (scoffs): No.
48844,162,8,2,There isn't anything about you that I'd want to change.
48845,162,8,2,"Well, okay, maybe a couple of things."
48846,162,8,2,Women: Like what?
48847,162,8,2,Narrator: And just like that... one of these four couples would break up the very next day.
48848,162,8,2,"Okay, it wasn't Lily and Marshall."
48849,162,8,2,One of these three couples would break up the very next day.
48850,162,8,2,"What happened? So last night Nick was all like, ""Barney has a point ""about renegotiating the terms of the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."" Yeah, and Marshall was all like, ""Uh, I want to blah, of the blah, uh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."""
48851,162,8,2,If I shut my eyes it's like they're here.
48852,162,8,2,They're just using Barney's prenup as a way to complain about us.
48853,162,8,2,"I'm just saying, you've forbidden certain things that I might like to revisit."
48854,162,8,2,"Marshall, you're not going on a Sasquatch hunt in Oregon with a bunch of loonies."
48855,162,8,2,Loonies?
48856,162,8,2,"Those brave, bearded men and women are crypto-zoologists, and they deserve the respect that title commands."
48857,162,8,2,But that's not what I was thinking of.
48858,162,8,2,You're too precious with the baby.
48859,162,8,2,"Lily: Okay,"
48860,162,8,2,"when we first came home with Marvin, there was a bad moment."
48861,162,8,2,"Welcome home, buddy."
48862,162,8,2,(gasps)
48863,162,8,2,(baby giggles)
48864,162,8,2,Robin: Was it really that high?
48865,162,8,2,I don't know. I was hormonal.
48866,162,8,2,"And suddenly, this primal, protective mother voice came out of me."
48867,162,8,2,"Actually, it was two voices."
48868,162,8,2,I seriously think one was coming from my vagina.
48869,162,8,2,"(deep, echoing): Never do that again!"
48870,162,8,2,"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is the big deal?"
48871,162,8,2,My brothers and my dad used to roughhouse with me all the time.
48872,162,8,2,"Welcome home, Marshall."
48873,162,8,2,Hi. Boys... go long.
48874,162,8,2,(baby giggles)
48875,162,8,2,Stop! Not in the house.
48876,162,8,2,That's how lamps break.
48877,162,8,2,Now go pass that baby around outside.
48878,162,8,2,"Oh, fumble!"
48879,162,8,2,And I turned out perfectly fine.
48880,162,8,2,"Marshall, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast."
48881,162,8,2,I didn't put the bread in.
48882,162,8,2,You didn't put the bread in.
48883,162,8,2,You know what? I will play with my son however I see fit. And you know what else?
48884,162,8,2,You can honka-honka yourself tonight.
48885,162,8,2,Robin: Barney's prenup
48886,162,8,2,"ruined my night, too."
48887,162,8,2,"Okay, uh, what behavior of mine don't you like?"
48888,162,8,2,I'm talking about the TV thing.
48889,162,8,2,"Okay, the TV thing is an argument from, like, three weeks ago."
48890,162,8,2,Mmm.
48891,162,8,2,(Nick laughs)
48892,162,8,2,(sighs)
48893,162,8,2,Uh...
48894,162,8,2,"Oh, I'm sorry."
48895,162,8,2,Didn't realize it takes 42 inches to keep you satisfied.
48896,162,8,2,Robin: The TV happened
48897,162,8,2,to be on. I happened to glance at it.
48898,162,8,2,Does that make me so weird? No.
48899,162,8,2,Not at all. Thank you.
48900,162,8,2,I may be a little weird.
48901,162,8,2,Mmm.
48902,162,8,2,(Nick laughs)
48903,162,8,2,"Oh, yeah."
48904,162,8,2,Robin: I get... turned on watching myself do the news during s*x.
48905,162,8,2,"Yeah, that's a little weird."
48906,162,8,2,"Look, seeing myself on TV makes me feel confident and sexy."
48907,162,8,2,"And that is nothing to be ashamed of, right, sisters?"
48908,162,8,2,Never speak of this. Ever.
48909,162,8,2,"Yeah, of course. Yeah."
48910,162,8,2,There's more.
48911,162,8,2,Lily: Wait.
48912,162,8,2,"So when you're doing the news live at 7:00, you wink to future you watching the rebroadcast at 11:00?"
48913,162,8,2,Maybe.
48914,162,8,2,Never speak of this.
48915,162,8,2,Ever!
48916,162,8,2,
48917,162,8,2,You won't believe what Ted did last night.
48918,162,8,2,You said you were happy to help him out.
48919,162,8,2,"Well, now I'm changing my mind."
48920,162,8,2,"Sorry to interrupt, roomie, but I am trying to make sausage. Where do you keep your pig intestines?"
48921,162,8,2,What's your ex-fiancé
48922,162,8,2,doing at Ted's?
48923,162,8,2,Klaus came to me a few weeks ago.
48924,162,8,2,"Since we broke up, he lost his job, he got evicted."
48925,162,8,2,He's miserable.
48926,162,8,2,(sobs): I'm so sorry.
48927,162,8,2,"If I could just take a quick whore's bath in your kitchen sink, then I will skedaddle."
48928,162,8,2,"Oh, Klaus, I wish that there was something I could do to help."
48929,162,8,2,"Ted: There is, little lady. I've got a guest room."
48930,162,8,2,You'll stay here till you're back on your feet.
48931,162,8,2,Are you sure?
48932,162,8,2,This is your apartment.
48933,162,8,2,Shh.
48934,162,8,2,Think of this as our apartment.
48935,162,8,2,Robin: Oh...
48936,162,8,2,Hero Ted.
48937,162,8,2,He loves that move.
48938,162,8,2,"Yeah, for about five minutes, then he gets hero's remorse."
48939,162,8,2,"Danke schon, roomie."
48940,162,8,2,I will go get my things.
48941,162,8,2,Das is super-duper-duper.
48942,162,8,2,My ferrets will be so happy.
48943,162,8,2,They have been living in an airport locker for weeks.
48944,162,8,2,"Here comes papa, children."
48945,162,8,2,(door closes)
48946,162,8,2,"VICTORIA: I'll admit,"
48947,162,8,2,there have been a few awkward moments.
48948,162,8,2,(laughing)
48949,162,8,2,You are going to love this.
48950,162,8,2,"This is the popular German situational-comedy,"
48951,162,8,2,Strange Compatriots.
48952,162,8,2,(giggles)
48953,162,8,2,Here we come.
48954,162,8,2,"Ooh. Here's the thing about this show, okay?"
48955,162,8,2,One of them is very neat
48956,162,8,2,"und the other one is very, very neat."
48957,162,8,2,(laughs)
48958,162,8,2,"Oh, Fritz,"
48959,162,8,2,kommen sie hier.
48960,162,8,2,"Ah, Fritz..."
48961,162,8,2,"It's time to give Klaus ""das boot."""
48962,162,8,2,(Klaus sobbing in distance)
48963,162,8,2,Klaus?
48964,162,8,2,"Wait, can-can you hear us through the wall?"
48965,162,8,2,"KLAUS: Yes, I can hear you."
48966,162,8,2,I hear everything.
48967,162,8,2,(quietly): That's it.
48968,162,8,2,"Klaus, get in here!"
48969,162,8,2,For God's sake.
48970,162,8,2,I want you out of my apartment.
48971,162,8,2,"You, those ferrets and all five newborns."
48972,162,8,2,Six and counting.
48973,162,8,2,Mama is still going.
48974,162,8,2,It is like a clown car.
48975,162,8,2,"Suddenly, it wasn't"
48976,162,8,2,our apartment anymore.
48977,162,8,2,I had no say in the matter.
48978,162,8,2,These guys are unbelievable.
48979,162,8,2,"You know what, I am gonna go home and watch the news all by myself."
48980,162,8,2,Wait.
48981,162,8,2,I have an idea.
48982,162,8,2,You know what?
48983,162,8,2,I'm on board with the whole prenup thing.
48984,162,8,2,That's great.
48985,162,8,2,"It's here to protect you, too, sweetie... from becoming unappealing to me."
48986,162,8,2,"Actually, I made my own prenup with a little help."
48987,162,8,2,Ladies?
48988,162,8,2,Go ahead and sign.
48989,162,8,2,It's all pretty standard.
48990,162,8,2,This might not be the best time to ask--
48991,162,8,2,I'm sort of getting back in the game.
48992,162,8,2,(clears throat)
48993,162,8,2,"The redhead with the baby, what's her situation? ""In the event of divorce, Miss Garvey shall get full custody of Mr. Stinson's suits""?"
48994,162,8,2,Why?
48995,162,8,2,What would you do with them?
48996,162,8,2,Nothing. I'd just sit around and watch them go out of style.
48997,162,8,2,That is just sick.
48998,162,8,2,"Keep reading. ""Mr. Stinson is allowed to attend any function at the Playboy Mansion."""
48999,162,8,2,"Well, at least that's nice. ""Provided he arrives in an urn."""
49000,162,8,2,"Gentlemen, just in time."
49001,162,8,2,What are you bitches doing here?
49002,162,8,2,"Lily. Oh, he's napping."
49003,162,8,2,It's the only time I get to go blue.
49004,162,8,2,Barney texted us that you guys were ganging up on him.
49005,162,8,2,Marshall: So we're just here to ensure he doesn't sign anything he'll regret.
49006,162,8,2,"I'm sorry, I don't think anyone here other than me is a lawyer."
49007,162,8,2,"A well-paid, successful lawyer."
49008,162,8,2,I-I'm a lawyer.
49009,162,8,2,"Actually, we worked together for years."
49010,162,8,2,"Back off, stretch, I saw her first."
49011,162,8,2,"Barney: Hang on a second. ""A half million dollar fine ""any time Mr. Stinson can't 'rise to the occasion,' cue sad slide whistle sounds""?"
49012,162,8,2,(descending slide whistle)
49013,162,8,2,"Hey, what's this about a shock collar?"
49014,162,8,2,"Ah, yes, we'll explain."
49015,162,8,2,Miss Garvey has many attractive friends who will come to visit.
49016,162,8,2,"May I offer you goat cheese puff pastries I made, mistress?"
49017,162,8,2,As long as you can do it quietly.
49018,162,8,2,(buzzing)
49019,162,8,2,"Barney: Wait, I'm confused."
49020,162,8,2,"If it's not around my neck, then where's the shock collar?"
49021,162,8,2,"Oh, God."
49022,162,8,2,"MEN: Oh, God."
49023,162,8,2,"It's more of a shock ring, really."
49024,162,8,2,Her idea.
49025,162,8,2,"Little missy is packing a brain, too."
49026,162,8,2,"Marshall: Okay, you know what?"
49027,162,8,2,"Since we're all pitching in, may I suggest a provision?"
49028,162,8,2,"In the event that you have a son, Mr. Stinson is free to play with his child however he sees fit."
49029,162,8,2,How about forbidding your future husband from spiking his child into his crib?
49030,162,8,2,How about a clause protecting you from having to engage in a three-way with her and whatever's on basic cable?
49031,162,8,2,"Oh, yeah? How about forbidding..."
49032,162,8,2,I got nothing.
49033,162,8,2,How about a provision barring any nudist German ex-fiancés from slapping his strudel up and down your sofa?
49034,162,8,2,"How about pretending to be a hero, but then caving the moment a ferret bite breaks the skin?"
49035,162,8,2,The skin of my eyelid.
49036,162,8,2,That's how they kiss.
49037,162,8,2,Are you serious?
49038,162,8,2,(overlapping arguing)
49039,162,8,2,Enough! Enough!
49040,162,8,2,"You all have someone who loves you, and you're screwing it up, and over what?"
49041,162,8,2,Who has the most power?
49042,162,8,2,That's not love.
49043,162,8,2,Love is trusting someone enough to tell them what's really bothering you.
49044,162,8,2,So that's what we're gonna do.
49045,162,8,2,"You, start."
49046,162,8,2,"When you got scared about Marvin, it felt like you were saying that I'm not as good a parent as you."
49047,162,8,2,"You're an amazing mom, and I want to live up to that."
49048,162,8,2,"Well, I probably have trust issues because my dad wasn't there for me."
49049,162,8,2,But I know that you'll always be there to catch Marvin.
49050,162,8,2,"You, next."
49051,162,8,2,Having Klaus back in our lives made me scared we're never gonna escape the past.
49052,162,8,2,I only wanted to help Klaus because I feel guilty about how happy I am with you.
49053,162,8,2,Next.
49054,162,8,2,"I find you so sexy, it just hurt that you don't feel the same about me."
49055,162,8,2,I get turned on watching myself do the news during s*x.
49056,162,8,2,Oh.
49057,162,8,2,"Well, that's cool."
49058,162,8,2,"Look at that, no legal documents needed."
49059,162,8,2,Just honesty and vulnerability.
49060,162,8,2,That's love.
49061,162,8,2,"You see, I once loved someone, only I didn't say it enough."
49062,162,8,2,Now I wish I could say it every day.
49063,162,8,2,"Hell, I don't care if it's crazy, I-I'm doing it."
49064,162,8,2,"Hello, Darlene?"
49065,162,8,2,Put Tugboat on the line.
49066,162,8,2,"Hey, buddy."
49067,162,8,2,"Hey, it's the man."
49068,162,8,2,"Narrator: And for a moment, all felt right with the world."
49069,162,8,2,"But that very night, the Autumn of Breakups would claim its first victims."
49070,162,8,2,ROBIN (on TV): ...wish you a very safe and pleasant evening.
49071,162,8,2,Good night.
49072,162,8,2,Good night.
49073,162,8,2,Good night.
49074,162,8,2,Good night.
49075,162,8,2,KLAUS (distantly): Gute Nacht.
49076,162,8,2,"And you too, my babies."
49077,162,8,2,"Oh, danke for the sweet eye kisses."
49078,162,8,2,(giggles)
49079,162,8,2,Ow.
49080,162,8,2,"After you, sir."
49081,162,8,2,Ladies first.
49082,162,8,2,I insist.
49083,162,8,2,(chuckles)
49084,162,8,2,I insist.
49085,162,8,2,I'm not throwing mine out first. I'm not throwing mine out first.
49086,162,8,2,You've slept with half the women in New York.
49087,162,8,2,I'm the one who needs a prenup.
49088,162,8,2,You duped me out of thousands of dollars.
49089,162,8,2,I'm the one who needs a prenup.
49090,162,8,2,I just thought of some more stuff to add.
49091,162,8,2,I'm not half finished.
49092,162,8,2,(sighs)
49093,162,8,2,Let's dive in.
49094,162,8,2,"It should be simpler than this, shouldn't it?"
49095,162,8,2,Yeah.
49096,162,8,2,Maybe it should be.
49097,162,8,2,"Barney, do you trust me?"
49098,162,8,2,(scoffs)
49099,162,8,2,No.
49100,162,8,2,Do you trust me?
49101,162,8,2,No.
49102,162,8,2,If we really need something this complicated to get married...
49103,162,8,2,Yeah.
49104,162,8,2,♪ I was anxious to be found ♪♪ You can always go home ♪
49105,162,8,2,♪ To the safety of your cloud. ♪
49106,162,8,2,"I'm sorry, buddy."
49107,162,8,2,"Hey, there's always wives two through eight."
49108,162,8,2,They sounded pretty hot in your fantasy.
49109,162,8,2,All but wife seven.
49110,162,8,2,She was just there 'cause her dad was rich.
49111,162,8,2,"Actually, I'm okay."
49112,162,8,2,"I found out I'll never trust someone enough to get married, and that's fine."
49113,162,8,2,"My single life is, and always will be, legen... wait for it..."
49114,162,8,2,...dary!
49115,162,8,2,My wedding is gonna be legendary.
49116,162,8,2,"So, prenup?"
49117,162,8,2,Not this time.
49118,162,8,2,"Oh, hey you. Ready for lunch?"
49119,162,8,2,Totally.
49120,162,8,2,Mmm.
49121,162,8,2,Thanks.
49122,162,8,2,"See, Tugboat?"
49123,162,8,2,That's love.
49124,162,8,2,Yeah.
49125,162,8,2,(man speaking German on TV)
49126,162,8,2,"Okay, you see, Ludwig has started to polish the doorknobs, but Wilhelm has already completed this chore."
49127,162,8,2,(laughter)
49128,162,8,2,Yeah.
49129,162,8,2,All: Ahh...
49130,162,8,2,"You know, it's big comedy, but you also really care about these characters."
49131,162,8,2,LUDWIG: Wilhelm!
49132,163,8,3,"Narrator: Kids, October of 2012 kicked off The Autumn of Breakups."
49133,163,8,3,"And Barney, having broken his engagement with Quinn, was slowly trying to pick himself back up."
49134,163,8,3,Welcome to Bangtoberfest!
49135,163,8,3,Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt!
49136,163,8,3,I'm back!
49137,163,8,3,Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt!
49138,163,8,3,I'm single again!
49139,163,8,3,(woman screams)
49140,163,8,3,Sorry about your eye!
49141,163,8,3,I'm available!
49142,163,8,3,(clicks tongue)
49143,163,8,3,"""Bangtoberfest: This Time It's Really Not Personal."""
49144,163,8,3,"Barney, you just went through some really big emotional stuff."
49145,163,8,3,You need to give yourself some time to heal.
49146,163,8,3,"Robin, I spent seven grand on merch."
49147,163,8,3,This is happening.
49148,163,8,3,Hey.
49149,163,8,3,"Hey. Hi, Marshall."
49150,163,8,3,"So, Lily's dad just showed up two days ago unannounced."
49151,163,8,3,Remember when I bought all those Mexican fireworks so I'd never have to buy Christmas presents again?
49152,163,8,3,"Oh, God, you blew up the house."
49153,163,8,3,(laughing): Blew up the house?
49154,163,8,3,"Oh, no."
49155,163,8,3,"Nothing like that, no."
49156,163,8,3,(laughs)
49157,163,8,3,"No, the fireworks blew up the garage."
49158,163,8,3,The house burned down.
49159,163,8,3,"Holy frijoles, do I smell brownies?"
49160,163,8,3,(grunting)
49161,163,8,3,We covered that fire on the news.
49162,163,8,3,"I had no idea ""naked man runs back into inferno to rescue potato salad"" was Mickey."
49163,163,8,3,"My hour's up. Your turn, Marshall."
49164,163,8,3,Craziest thing.
49165,163,8,3,He just went poo-poo this very second.
49166,163,8,3,Marshall: Are you sure this poo-poo didn't happen on your watch and you just ran out the clock until it was my problem?
49167,163,8,3,"(chuckles): Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, right."
49168,163,8,3,What kind of mother lets her son sit in his own filth for an extra nine minutes and 42 seconds?
49169,163,8,3,"I got my eye on you, Aldrin."
49170,163,8,3,"It's watering right now, but I got my eye on you."
49171,163,8,3,Lily: I can't believe I have to go back to work on Monday and we still haven't found a nanny.
49172,163,8,3,"Well, if Grandpa Mickey's there, couldn't he just..."
49173,163,8,3,(chuckles): Are you kidding?
49174,163,8,3,My dad was never there for me when I was a kid.
49175,163,8,3,And when he was...
49176,163,8,3,(sighs)
49177,163,8,3,"What's wrong, Daddy?"
49178,163,8,3,"Oh, Daddy can't pick a horse to save his freakin' life."
49179,163,8,3,All I need is just one lucky number.
49180,163,8,3,"Hey, when's your birthday?"
49181,163,8,3,Today.
49182,163,8,3,Well...
49183,163,8,3,"We've got to find a nanny, and my dad's definitely not it."
49184,163,8,3,"Well, um, and this doesn't solve your nanny problem, but if you're in need of a babysitter, Nick and I could do it."
49185,163,8,3,We're really clicking as a couple.
49186,163,8,3,"Um, if any couple is clicking these days, it's me and Victoria."
49187,163,8,3,(laughs)
49188,163,8,3,Do you think that you and Victoria are clicking more than me and Nick?
49189,163,8,3,Do you think you and Nick are...
49190,163,8,3,(gasps)
49191,163,8,3,"Oh, that's precious."
49192,163,8,3,"Narrator: Kids, when you're in a new relationship and you're competing with your ex for who's happier, it can get ugly."
49193,163,8,3,"Anyway, I should get going."
49194,163,8,3,I have to go get a key made for Nick.
49195,163,8,3,For my apartment.
49196,163,8,3,Ha-burn.
49197,163,8,3,"Hey, maybe the locksmith who made the key I gave to Victoria will give you a deal."
49198,163,8,3,"Oh, wait, he won't remember me."
49199,163,8,3,It was three weeks ago.
49200,163,8,3,Ha-double burn.
49201,163,8,3,Nick signed for a package when I wasn't there.
49202,163,8,3,Victoria keeps tampons at my apartment.
49203,163,8,3,Damn it!
49204,163,8,3,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x03 ♪
49205,163,8,3,Nannies
49206,163,8,3,"Original Air Date on October 8, 2012"
49207,163,8,3,"Narrator: The next day, Lily and Marshall's nanny search hit pay dirt."
49208,163,8,3,"(British accent): Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen, I promise to create a safe, nurturing environment full of learning, laughter and love."
49209,163,8,3,"So that even when we have to eat lima beans or we get a boo-boo on our knee, we know everything will be just fine."
49210,163,8,3,And do you know why?
49211,163,8,3,Because you're an angel sent from heaven?
49212,163,8,3,I want to bury my head in the safety of your bosom.
49213,163,8,3,Because Mrs. Buckminster is here.
49214,163,8,3,(Lily sighs)
49215,163,8,3,The search is over.
49216,163,8,3,"Mrs. Buckminster, we just need to know your salary."
49217,163,8,3,"Oh, delightful!"
49218,163,8,3,"Well, my weekly fee is..."
49219,163,8,3,(Marshall and Lily sobbing)
49220,163,8,3,"There, there."
49221,163,8,3,I'm sure you'll find someone you like just as much.
49222,163,8,3,"No, we won't!"
49223,163,8,3,Not like you!
49224,163,8,3,"Hey, Robin, can I borrow a stamp?"
49225,163,8,3,"Oh, wait, this wedding reply card already has one."
49226,163,8,3,"Why, you ask?"
49227,163,8,3,Victoria and I are RSVPing to a wedding... in Jamaica... six months from now.
49228,163,8,3,Ha-triple burn.
49229,163,8,3,Oh.
49230,163,8,3,Jamaica.
49231,163,8,3,Yeah.
49232,163,8,3,"That's an island, right?"
49233,163,8,3,Depends where you're going with this.
49234,163,8,3,All the way to the island of Hawaii.
49235,163,8,3,"Why, you ask?"
49236,163,8,3,"Well, I was invited to spend New Year's there... last night when I met Nick's parents."
49237,163,8,3,Ha-aloha burn.
49238,163,8,3,"Have you, um, met Victoria's parents, Ted?"
49239,163,8,3,"As a matter of fact, I haven't."
49240,163,8,3,Because they're dead.
49241,163,8,3,"Are they, Ted?"
49242,163,8,3,Are they really dead?
49243,163,8,3,No.
49244,163,8,3,Damn it!
49245,163,8,3,Bangtoberfest is a flop!
49246,163,8,3,I can't think of an innovative way to bang chicks that properly honors my return to the game.
49247,163,8,3,"Sure, I've tried some old reliables."
49248,163,8,3,(Boston accent): Ten unpaid parking tickets?
49249,163,8,3,"I suppose there is one way I could... ""get you off."""
49250,163,8,3,(normal voice): No!
49251,163,8,3,I've used that admittedly awesome line a thousand times.
49252,163,8,3,"(Boston accent): You're better than this, Barney!"
49253,163,8,3,"(deep voice): Well, the evidence is pretty incriminating, but..."
49254,163,8,3,"I suppose there is one way I could ""get you off."""
49255,163,8,3,(normal voice): Damn it! What?
49256,163,8,3,"Bangtoberfest is about innovation, about ideas."
49257,163,8,3,Bangtoberfest used to mean something.
49258,163,8,3,You just made it up yesterday.
49259,163,8,3,Enough questions.
49260,163,8,3,I need time to think!
49261,163,8,3,"So, how's the nanny search going, Lil?"
49262,163,8,3,Lousy.
49263,163,8,3,Mrs. Buckminster was a spoonful of sugar.
49264,163,8,3,"But so far, everyone we can afford on this Web site HeyNannyNanny.com is Scary Poppins."
49265,163,8,3,"Narrator: But Lily and Marshall needed a nanny, so they forged ahead with their search."
49266,163,8,3,"So, zero experience as a nanny?"
49267,163,8,3,"Right. But in rehab, I was in charge of the cats."
49268,163,8,3,"And only two died, so I figured..."
49269,163,8,3,(coughs): I'm available.
49270,163,8,3,(clears throat)
49271,163,8,3,How do you feel about spanking?
49272,163,8,3,"For eight bucks an hour, you can do whatever you want to me."
49273,163,8,3,(coughs): I'm available.
49274,163,8,3,"Dad, we know."
49275,163,8,3,(coughs): I wasn't talking to you.
49276,163,8,3,"Narrator: Finally, they met Julie Jorgensen."
49277,163,8,3,"You're from St. Cloud, Minnesota?"
49278,163,8,3,I'm from St. Cloud.
49279,163,8,3,"Really? Oh, you must know my dad, George Jorgensen?"
49280,163,8,3,Of course.
49281,163,8,3,George Jorgensen's Organs.
49282,163,8,3,"Last year, my brother joined the business."
49283,163,8,3,Really? Who knew that Morgan Jorgensen would go into organs?
49284,163,8,3,"Anyway, Julie..."
49285,163,8,3,Is it still called George Jorgensen's Organs or did they change it to George Jorgensen and Son Organs?
49286,163,8,3,They changed it to George and Morgan Jorgensen's Organs.
49287,163,8,3,Guess whose idea that was?
49288,163,8,3,Morgan's. Morgan's.
49289,163,8,3,They just opened a new shop out of state.
49290,163,8,3,"Oh, yeah? Where? Oregon."
49291,163,8,3,What's that one called?
49292,163,8,3,Piano Town.
49293,163,8,3,"Well, you have experience, and I think it's safe to say you have my husband's approval."
49294,163,8,3,What's your salary?
49295,163,8,3,"Oh, um, it's right there."
49296,163,8,3,"Julie, we would love for you to be our nanny."
49297,163,8,3,"Oh, thank you so much."
49298,163,8,3,"Um, I just have one last interview today, but to be honest, I can't imagine liking anyone more than I like you guys."
49299,163,8,3,Oh...
49300,163,8,3,"Okay, bye."
49301,163,8,3,Bye.
49302,163,8,3,Lily: Yay.
49303,163,8,3,"Well, she was a total bitch."
49304,163,8,3,"Narrator: That night, Lily and Marshall called Julie hoping she'd accept the job."
49305,163,8,3,"I'm so sorry, I can't."
49306,163,8,3,Don't tell us you took the other job.
49307,163,8,3,"No, I didn't. I'm not taking any nanny job."
49308,163,8,3,I don't understand.
49309,163,8,3,The most amazing thing happened at my next interview after you guys.
49310,163,8,3,I fell in love with a single dad who turns out to be a billionaire.
49311,163,8,3,"Tomorrow, we're heading off to Paris in his private jet."
49312,163,8,3,"It's gonna be, as he would say, legend-- wait for it..."
49313,163,8,3,Both: Barney!
49314,163,8,3,Ix-nay on the eal-ray ame-nay.
49315,163,8,3,Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen?
49316,163,8,3,You son of a... itch-bay!
49317,163,8,3,"Look, Barney's our friend, for some reason, and everything he told you was a lie."
49318,163,8,3,But the good news is you're free to come work for us.
49319,163,8,3,"I'm sorry, I can't nanny for anyone who's friends with this monster."
49320,163,8,3,(door closes)
49321,163,8,3,"Look, I'd offer you guys coffee, but I have another nanny interview in about 15 minutes, so..."
49322,163,8,3,"Barney, quick question: why are you interviewing nannies?"
49323,163,8,3,Glad you asked!
49324,163,8,3,You guys were all pressuring me to think of a revolutionary new way to get chicks for Bangtoberfest.
49325,163,8,3,"And frankly, I was stumped."
49326,163,8,3,Until...
49327,163,8,3,"So far, everyone we can afford on this Web site HeyNannyNanny.com is Scary Poppins."
49328,163,8,3,Barney: And there it was.
49329,163,8,3,The Big Bro in the sky had answered my prayers.
49330,163,8,3,Almighty-five.
49331,163,8,3,Ow.
49332,163,8,3,"I'd introduce you to little Baby Edgar,"
49333,163,8,3,"(whispering): but one, he's napping, and two, he doesn't exist."
49334,163,8,3,And these nannies are really falling for this?
49335,163,8,3,"Yeah, these toys don't even make sense for a baby."
49336,163,8,3,"You've got an air rifle, you got the exact race track with the double loopty-loop I had as a kid!"
49337,163,8,3,"Oh, can I open it, can I open it, can I open it?"
49338,163,8,3,What about Baby Edgar's mom?
49339,163,8,3,"Oh, that's a sad story."
49340,163,8,3,"And in the end, the coroner's report confirmed what I already feared: the female body cannot withstand that many consecutive orgasms."
49341,163,8,3,I blame myself.
49342,163,8,3,"Okay, does anybody have six nine-volt batteries?"
49343,163,8,3,"Once I got the nannies all sympathetic, I had to check their qualifications."
49344,163,8,3,I'd like to see how you handle bath time.
49345,163,8,3,Follow me to the tub.
49346,163,8,3,Should I get the baby?
49347,163,8,3,No.
49348,163,8,3,I'm just gonna take the batteries out of these smoke detectors. Cool? Cool.
49349,163,8,3,"Once the interview was over, I went in for the kill."
49350,163,8,3,You're perfect for the job.
49351,163,8,3,"So, congratulations, you're hi..."
49352,163,8,3,No.
49353,163,8,3,I can't do this.
49354,163,8,3,"I find you very attractive, and it wouldn't be appropriate."
49355,163,8,3,It wouldn't be appropriate.
49356,163,8,3,It wouldn't be appropriate.
49357,163,8,3,I repeat--
49358,163,8,3,it would not be appropriate.
49359,163,8,3,It was like taking candy from an imaginary baby!
49360,163,8,3,"Barney, I just went five months with no help, and interviewed 92 nannies before finding one we liked, and you ruined everything the night before I'm supposed to go back to work?"
49361,163,8,3,Thank you for being the most immature person I have ever met.
49362,163,8,3,"Marshall, let's go."
49363,163,8,3,Five more minutes!
49364,163,8,3,Now.
49365,163,8,3,I'll be right back. Okay.
49366,163,8,3,Mm. Mmm.
49367,163,8,3,Mm-hmm. Mmm.
49368,163,8,3,(moaning)
49369,163,8,3,(laughs)
49370,163,8,3,Mmm. Mm-hmm.
49371,163,8,3,(chuckles)
49372,163,8,3,Mmm!
49373,163,8,3,I'll miss you.
49374,163,8,3,(laughs)
49375,163,8,3,Oh! Oh!
49376,163,8,3,(laughs)
49377,163,8,3,Overcompensating a bit?
49378,163,8,3,Why would I need
49379,163,8,3,to overcompensate?
49380,163,8,3,I am... (sighs)
49381,163,8,3,...deliriously happy in my perfect relationship.
49382,163,8,3,What about what I just witnessed not two minutes ago?
49383,163,8,3,How can the Giants pass on third and one?!
49384,163,8,3,"Honey, it's okay."
49385,163,8,3,"It's the first quarter, and the Browns are only up by three..."
49386,163,8,3,"Robin, I don't want you to fix this."
49387,163,8,3,I just want to feel heard.
49388,163,8,3,"First of all, the Giants were smart not to run on my Dawg Pound defense."
49389,163,8,3,"They suck, Ted. I know."
49390,163,8,3,And two--
49391,163,8,3,there is no way that you like being with a guy who's so emotional and needy.
49392,163,8,3,(scoffs)
49393,163,8,3,"You want to dance, Mosby?"
49394,163,8,3,Let's talk about yesterday.
49395,163,8,3,"Hi! You guys, I'm so sorry I'm so late."
49396,163,8,3,"I'm gonna run upstairs, change, I'll be back in five minutes."
49397,163,8,3,"Take your time, sweetie."
49398,163,8,3,Victoria's a slob!
49399,163,8,3,"Well, at least I'm not dating a girl."
49400,163,8,3,You know what I mean.
49401,163,8,3,"Hey, you know what?"
49402,163,8,3,I-I really appreciate how sensitive and in touch he is with his...
49403,163,8,3,"God, who am I kidding?"
49404,163,8,3,20 bucks says he is crying in the ladies' room right now.
49405,163,8,3,"Well, at least when he's finished, he's gonna flush."
49406,163,8,3,(sighs)
49407,163,8,3,
49408,163,8,3,"Narrator: So, just as Lily was about to call in sick on her first day back to work..."
49409,163,8,3,"(phone beeps, knocking on door)"
49410,163,8,3,Good morning!
49411,163,8,3,"Mrs. Buckminster, hold me and make everything okay!"
49412,163,8,3,"I mean, uh... what are you doing here?"
49413,163,8,3,A Mr. Stinson called the agency and offered to pay my salary.
49414,163,8,3,Wow. Really?
49415,163,8,3,"It's a nice gesture, but I'm still pissed."
49416,163,8,3,He also sent along this.
49417,163,8,3,Are the batteries...?
49418,163,8,3,"Yes, the batteries are included, dear."
49419,163,8,3,Yes!
49420,163,8,3,"Now, off to work, you two."
49421,163,8,3,Mr. Marvin and I are going to get acquainted.
49422,163,8,3,Great.
49423,163,8,3,I can't wait to hand him off and-and finally get some freedom.
49424,163,8,3,You deserve it. Now hand him over.
49425,163,8,3,"Hand him over, yup."
49426,163,8,3,I'll just take little Marvin off your hands then.
49427,163,8,3,Take him off my hands.
49428,163,8,3,There he goes.
49429,163,8,3,Ready to receive him!
49430,163,8,3,I can't give Marvin to a stranger!
49431,163,8,3,(toy car whirring)
49432,163,8,3,"Okay, somebody who's not in the middle of a race should probably go talk to her."
49433,163,8,3,I'm sorry Mrs. Buckminster we've decided we're not going to use a nanny afterall.
49434,163,8,3,You're fired.
49435,163,8,3,Calm down.
49436,163,8,3,"Lily, you're just nervous about spending your first day away from Marvin."
49437,163,8,3,That's perfectly normal.
49438,163,8,3,"Oh, I am holding on to you forever."
49439,163,8,3,And when I die and I become a skeleton I'll still be holding you. Yes.
49440,163,8,3,"Last night, Nick cried when I killed a spider."
49441,163,8,3,You should have brought that spider over to my house to feast on the ant colony breeding on Victoria's unwashed dishes.
49442,163,8,3,Whoa!
49443,163,8,3,(gasping)
49444,163,8,3,"Barney, what happened to you?"
49445,163,8,3,It was a nightmare.
49446,163,8,3,"I'm walking down the street, minding my own business, and I see one of the nannies that I interviewed, and I'm thinking, ""Maybe I can get her behind a Dumpster and interview her again."""
49447,163,8,3,But then...
49448,163,8,3,And then...
49449,163,8,3,They were everywhere.
49450,163,8,3,I was surrounded!
49451,163,8,3,Hey. Hi.
49452,163,8,3,Did you really think you could get away with this?
49453,163,8,3,(laughs)
49454,163,8,3,"As a matter of fact, I did, yeah."
49455,163,8,3,Time for your nap!
49456,163,8,3,I woke up in a Dumpster covered in diapers.
49457,163,8,3,And I found a pacifier somewhere I'm not willing to discuss.
49458,163,8,3,What is wrong with me?!
49459,163,8,3,You're still getting over Quinn.
49460,163,8,3,You can't just dive right back into single Barney mode.
49461,163,8,3,But I can't stop myself!
49462,163,8,3,I'm out of control!
49463,163,8,3,"No, I'm not. I'm fine!"
49464,163,8,3,"Now, if you'll excuse me, that blonde at the bar looks as loose as my rear molars."
49465,163,8,3,Stop me! Don't stop me! I'm fine. Help!
49466,163,8,3,Being single's great!
49467,163,8,3,"You know, Victoria's messiness just forces me to grow as a cleaner."
49468,163,8,3,"Totally. And without Nick, who's gonna hem my pants?"
49469,163,8,3,To making these relationships last.
49470,163,8,3,Narrator: Both relationships would implode within the month.
49471,163,8,3,"Hey, sweetie."
49472,163,8,3,Hey. Did you guys conk out?
49473,163,8,3,"Yeah, I guess we did."
49474,163,8,3,What time is it?
49475,163,8,3,5:00.
49476,163,8,3,Wow. We slept all day!
49477,163,8,3,"Quick question. Um, where's Marvin?"
49478,163,8,3,Right here.
49479,163,8,3,(screaming)
49480,163,8,3,(screaming)
49481,163,8,3,"Hey, gang. What's the big whoop?"
49482,163,8,3,Marvin!
49483,163,8,3,"Dad, what happened?"
49484,163,8,3,"Mickey: Well, when I came back this morning from my jog, Marshall was gone, and I couldn't find Mrs. What's-her-face."
49485,163,8,3,"And you two were sawing logs, so I figured I'd lend a hand."
49486,163,8,3,"Lily: Then, why did I wake up"
49487,163,8,3,holding a monkey?
49488,163,8,3,"Well, a little later, I got kind of hungry."
49489,163,8,3,"So I gave him a bath, and put his diaper rash ointment on, and fed him strained peas, not bananas, 'cause he had bananas yesterday, and I did the laundry, finished my burrito, put him down for his nap at noon, sterilized the bottles, and then we just went to the park."
49490,163,8,3,Okay.
49491,163,8,3,Wow. That's incredible.
49492,163,8,3,When did you get so good with kids?
49493,163,8,3,"You know something, honey, you don't remember this, but, um, for the first few years of your life, your mom worked, and I was a stay-at-home dad."
49494,163,8,3,I thought Grandma and Grandpa took care of me.
49495,163,8,3,"Well, they visited a lot, but I was the guy who took care of you."
49496,163,8,3,"You know, America thinks I ran into that burning house to get potato salad, but I actually ran in to get this photo album."
49497,163,8,3,And potato salad. Sure.
49498,163,8,3,"Dad, I never realized you were... there for me."
49499,163,8,3,How come there are no pictures of me after I go to preschool?
49500,163,8,3,Well...
49501,163,8,3,"Oh. Okay, well, have fun on your first day of preschool, Princess."
49502,163,8,3,Okay. Off you go.
49503,163,8,3,There you go.
49504,163,8,3,Ugh!
49505,163,8,3,How am I gonna make it to 3:00 without her?
49506,163,8,3,(sighs)
49507,163,8,3,"""Belmont Race Track?"" Hmm."
49508,163,8,3,I guess it couldn't hurt to go just once.
49509,163,8,3,"Six months later, guess what gambling addict's thumbs had metal pins in them?"
49510,163,8,3,(tongue clicking)
49511,163,8,3,This guy.
49512,163,8,3,"Look, honey, I was a jerk who wasn't there for most of your childhood, and I regret that every single day of my life."
49513,163,8,3,"But I promise you, I'm here now for Marvin... if you want."
49514,163,8,3,You're hired.
49515,163,8,3,♪ I look up to you ♪♪ You don't look down on me ♪
49516,163,8,3,♪ What do you see in me? ♪♪ Is it oceans of blue? ♪
49517,163,8,3,♪ How do you make the colors say ♪♪ In a thousand crazy ways ♪
49518,163,8,3,♪ That in the end ♪♪ Most things will be okay... ♪
49519,163,8,3,"(Boston accent): Ten parking tickets, huh?"
49520,163,8,3,"I suppose there is a way I could, uh... ""get you off."""
49521,163,8,3,(normal voice): Why did I ever doubt a classic?
49522,163,8,3,"MRS. BUCKMINSTER: Now, now, now."
49523,163,8,3,"This is exactly the sort of behavior you hired me to put an end to, Mr. Stinson."
49524,163,8,3,"Off with you, dear."
49525,163,8,3,Go make better decisions!
49526,163,8,3,You're right.
49527,163,8,3,"Thanks, Mrs. Buckminster."
49528,163,8,3,You're welcome.
49529,163,8,3,And I'm proud of you for trying to change.
49530,163,8,3,What you're doing with these young women is simply not appropriate.
49531,163,8,3,That can never happen again.
49532,164,8,4,"Narrator: Kids, once your Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily found a nanny for baby Marvin, they were excited for their first day out together in five months."
49533,164,8,4,And so were we.
49534,164,8,4,(all cheer)
49535,164,8,4,Mama.
49536,164,8,4,Dada.
49537,164,8,4,"Hi, gang."
49538,164,8,4,Ooh.
49539,164,8,4,"Ah, so, now that there's no screaming baby to distract us, what have you guys been up to lately? Yeah."
49540,164,8,4,Narrator: This was a surprisingly loaded question.
49541,164,8,4,"You see, right after Marvin was born, Lily and Marshall had issued a decree."
49542,164,8,4,New rule: you can't come to us with any issue unless it's an eight or higher.
49543,164,8,4,And we were doing our best to abide.
49544,164,8,4,"Marshall: Ted, how are things going with Victoria?"
49545,164,8,4,My dad made the funniest joke.
49546,164,8,4,"He said that since you're the reason I left the wedding, you owe him the $70,000"
49547,164,8,4,"he paid for it, or else."
49548,164,8,4,(laughs)
49549,164,8,4,"You know, he's not usually funny like that."
49550,164,8,4,"Not promising, but not an eight."
49551,164,8,4,Everything's great.
49552,164,8,4,"And Robin, how's everything with Nick?"
49553,164,8,4,Finally ready for a ride on the bike?
49554,164,8,4,Who? Me?
49555,164,8,4,"Let's ride, Big Daddy."
49556,164,8,4,"Oh, yeah."
49557,164,8,4,Mama likey.
49558,164,8,4,♪ ♪
49559,164,8,4,"Robin, over here. Ooh."
49560,164,8,4,Eco-friendly.
49561,164,8,4,She runs on corn.
49562,164,8,4,"Robin: Totally lady bone killer, but not an eight."
49563,164,8,4,Everything's great.
49564,164,8,4,And how are things for the old Barnacle?
49565,164,8,4,(both panting)
49566,164,8,4,Barney: Not an eight.
49567,164,8,4,"At best, she was a six, six and a half."
49568,164,8,4,More like a four by the time I was done with her.
49569,164,8,4,Mental self-five.
49570,164,8,4,(hands smack)
49571,164,8,4,Everything's great.
49572,164,8,4,To long-awaited MacLaren's return of Marshall and Lily.
49573,164,8,4,(all cheer)
49574,164,8,4,All: Mmm.
49575,164,8,4,I've missed this. Okay. We got to go.
49576,164,8,4,W-what? You just got here.
49577,164,8,4,I cleared my whole night for you guys.
49578,164,8,4,I didn't even bring my booty-call phone.
49579,164,8,4,"Oh, I'm sorry, but we just really need some time to ourselves."
49580,164,8,4,I promise we'll hang out soon.
49581,164,8,4,See you guys. Bye.
49582,164,8,4,"♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty rocking everywhere ♪♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty rocking everywhere ♪"
49583,164,8,4,"♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty ♪"
49584,164,8,4,"Yeah, like I'm going to leave this at home."
49585,164,8,4,Barney Stinson. How may I direct my pen1s?
49586,164,8,4,"Ted: Oh, geez."
49587,164,8,4,It is so nice to be out in the fresh air.
49588,164,8,4,You smell that? Ooh.
49589,164,8,4,That's the smell of urine that isn't Marvin's.
49590,164,8,4,"Oh, God, I miss that smell."
49591,164,8,4,"You know, I thought we'd spend the whole time worrying about Marvin, but it's actually nice to be out in the world, living life."
49592,164,8,4,Yeah.
49593,164,8,4,(car tires screech)
49594,164,8,4,(both scream)
49595,164,8,4,Death is all around us.
49596,164,8,4,"Wow, that urine smell just got a lot stronger."
49597,164,8,4,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x04 ♪
49598,164,8,4,Who Wants to Be a Godparent?
49599,164,8,4,"Original Air Date on October 15, 2012"
49600,164,8,4,"So, you guys spent your first night out in five months, sitting at home planning for your own deaths?"
49601,164,8,4,"Yeah, we found this Web site that helps you make a will."
49602,164,8,4,In the event of your death... Ooh!
49603,164,8,4,I'm sorry.
49604,164,8,4,It-it's just-just real sad to think about.
49605,164,8,4,"Oh, I know."
49606,164,8,4,All right.
49607,164,8,4,In the event of your death...
49608,164,8,4,(sobs)
49609,164,8,4,"Okay, no, you know what?"
49610,164,8,4,Let's just start with something easy.
49611,164,8,4,Okay. Okay?
49612,164,8,4,Please enter your zip code.
49613,164,8,4,(sobbing): We'll never get mail again.
49614,164,8,4,I keep reassuring Lily that this is all hypothetical.
49615,164,8,4,"Relatively speaking, New York City is very safe."
49616,164,8,4,"Please, faulty elevators, exploding man hole covers, jealous husbands. Mmm."
49617,164,8,4,This place is a coroner's paradise.
49618,164,8,4,Ooh!
49619,164,8,4,They are way more likely to eat it in a mugging gone wrong.
49620,164,8,4,There was a double hommy on your block like a week ago.
49621,164,8,4,Caught it on the scanner during lunch.
49622,164,8,4,Knife job.
49623,164,8,4,Guy made a real mess of it too.
49624,164,8,4,(sobbing)
49625,164,8,4,"Anyway, then we got to the section about picking a guardian."
49626,164,8,4,Sometimes couples choose one of their parents as a guardian.
49627,164,8,4,That makes it simple.
49628,164,8,4,My mom.
49629,164,8,4,Your mom?
49630,164,8,4,What's wrong with my mom?
49631,164,8,4,Are you...
49632,164,8,4,(rapid gibberish)
49633,164,8,4,Fine. All right.
49634,164,8,4,Marvin won't go to my loving mother.
49635,164,8,4,But he's got to go to somebody.
49636,164,8,4,Fine.
49637,164,8,4,What about my mom?
49638,164,8,4,(scoffs)
49639,164,8,4,Your mom?
49640,164,8,4,"Um, excuse..."
49641,164,8,4,Fine.
49642,164,8,4,Not my mom.
49643,164,8,4,What about my dad?
49644,164,8,4,Your dad?
49645,164,8,4,"Okay, yeah, he's out."
49646,164,8,4,Wait a minute. You know who could be good?
49647,164,8,4,My brother Marcus.
49648,164,8,4,He's like a great dad.
49649,164,8,4,Do you remember his Christmas card?
49650,164,8,4,(Christmas music playing)
49651,164,8,4,"Questionable denim choices aside, Marcus is a good dad."
49652,164,8,4,"I guess if Marvin has to go to anyone, it should be family."
49653,164,8,4,"Okay, great."
49654,164,8,4,Okay.
49655,164,8,4,"Marcus, hey, how's it going?"
49656,164,8,4,"Pretty freaking sweet, buttwipe."
49657,164,8,4,"I packed up all my crap; I said, ""See ya"" to Sarah and the kids; and I finally got my dream job as a mixologist down here at Carnalism 2."
49658,164,8,4,(sighs)
49659,164,8,4,Hold on.
49660,164,8,4,Some punk's trying to use his snorkel rental as a bong.
49661,164,8,4,Hey!
49662,164,8,4,"(Jamaican accent) You be packin' that bowl too tight, mon."
49663,164,8,4,"So, now we don't have a guardian."
49664,164,8,4,"You know, as your best friend, if called upon, I'd be honored to raise Marvin."
49665,164,8,4,"If you want him to be raised by his underwear on a flagpole, Ted's your guy."
49666,164,8,4,"If you want him pulling the chord on some other nerd's panties,"
49667,164,8,4,(clicks tongue)
49668,164,8,4,I'm your guy.
49669,164,8,4,I'll teach that kid how to be awesome in ways you and Lily never could.
49670,164,8,4,It's going to be legend...
49671,164,8,4,"...wait for it, no, I won't wait for it and neither should little baby Marvin, so maybe it's better if you two just die right now..."
49672,164,8,4,...dary.
49673,164,8,4,Narrator: And so began the longest week of Lily and Marshall's lives.
49674,164,8,4,Huh?
49675,164,8,4,Huh?
49676,164,8,4,"♪ Bro McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-bro ♪♪ And on that farm he had some chicks ♪"
49677,164,8,4,♪ E-I-E-I-bro ♪♪ With a hot chick here and a dumb chick there... ♪
49678,164,8,4,Huh? Huh?
49679,164,8,4,"♪ Bro, bro, bro your broat ♪"
49680,164,8,4,"♪ Gently to the bar ♪♪ Hit on sluts, then do ten shots and... ♪"
49681,164,8,4,Huh? Huh?
49682,164,8,4,Aah!
49683,164,8,4,♪ The boobs on the bus go up and down ♪
49684,164,8,4,"♪ Up and down, up and down ♪♪ The boobs on the bus go up and down ♪"
49685,164,8,4,♪ All through the town. ♪
49686,164,8,4,Robin: What?
49687,164,8,4,You think you can bribe them with a stroller?
49688,164,8,4,"They already got one, foo."
49689,164,8,4,"Oh, this is no stroller, Robin."
49690,164,8,4,I call it the Broller.
49691,164,8,4,Go ahead. Look inside.
49692,164,8,4,(sighs)
49693,164,8,4,I don't get it. I don't see anything.
49694,164,8,4,"Yeah, but Papa does."
49695,164,8,4,Those Robin's boobies?
49696,164,8,4,"When new nubile hotties lean in to inspect your bundle of joy, you can inspect their bundles of joy."
49697,164,8,4,The Broller.
49698,164,8,4,"God, I come up with a lot of good stuff."
49699,164,8,4,"Hey, guys, hey..."
49700,164,8,4,Hey.
49701,164,8,4,Lily and I need you to come upstairs.
49702,164,8,4,This is an important decision and we can't have you constantly interrupting us with this childish competition.
49703,164,8,4,Which is why we're going to make it an official competition!
49704,164,8,4,We're going to play
49705,164,8,4,Who Wants to Be a Godparent?
49706,164,8,4,Right after this word from our sponsors.
49707,164,8,4,Why is he talking to the wall?
49708,164,8,4,"Wait, this is how you're going to choose a guardian for Marvin?"
49709,164,8,4,"I mean, why don't you just put us in a three-way cage match and go with whoever's left standing?"
49710,164,8,4,"We talked about that, but it gave Robin an unfair advantage."
49711,164,8,4,"Marshall: Yeah, you see, guys, we were really struggling with this decision."
49712,164,8,4,♪ All through the town. ♪
49713,164,8,4,"Babe, I know these guys have been a little over the top lately. LILY: A little?"
49714,164,8,4,But we still have to pick a guardian just in case.
49715,164,8,4,In case of what?
49716,164,8,4,Don't make me say it.
49717,164,8,4,Say it. I can handle it.
49718,164,8,4,Say it.
49719,164,8,4,In case we die.
49720,164,8,4,(sobbing)
49721,164,8,4,How can you even say it?
49722,164,8,4,"Marshall: And then I thought what do you do if you got a wife who won't stop crying, three idiots who won't stop bribing you, and a universally beloved skill for gamesmanship?"
49723,164,8,4,"You take a bunch of guardianship scenarios, throw them on a wheel, buy your wife an expensive dress so she'll participate."
49724,164,8,4,I'm pretty again.
49725,164,8,4,Bottom line is I just wanted to make the idea of me and Lily dying... fun. Oh.
49726,164,8,4,"Now, if you'll step behind your podiums, we'll get started."
49727,164,8,4,(game show music plays)
49728,164,8,4,(clears throat)
49729,164,8,4,"Contestants, here's how the game works."
49730,164,8,4,Lily will spin that wheel. Not yet.
49731,164,8,4,"When it lands on a parenting issue, you'll each describe how you would handle it with Marvin."
49732,164,8,4,The contestant with the highest score gets to be his godparent.
49733,164,8,4,"Ready to play? Great. Lily, spin that wheel!"
49734,164,8,4,(music stops)
49735,164,8,4,"Okay, now, see, um, enthusiasm will factor into your scores."
49736,164,8,4,"So, I say again: Lily, spin..."
49737,164,8,4,All: Spin that wheel!
49738,164,8,4,♪ ♪
49739,164,8,4,Marshall: Ooh.
49740,164,8,4,Our demise.
49741,164,8,4,(sobs)
49742,164,8,4,(clears throat)
49743,164,8,4,"Barney, how would you explain to little Marvin why we're not around anymore?"
49744,164,8,4,No.
49745,164,8,4,"Easy, all I'd have to do is change a few words to one of my classics with the ladies."
49746,164,8,4,The President of the World has called your parents away on a super-secret space mission.
49747,164,8,4,"For the sake of the planet, you will never see them again."
49748,164,8,4,Now pick up your toys and say good night to Daddy.
49749,164,8,4,What do you know? That last line stays the same.
49750,164,8,4,Judges?
49751,164,8,4,(blows raspberry)
49752,164,8,4,"Marshall: Okay, Robin, what would you do, and remember, ""President of the World called parents away for a super-secret space mission"" has already been taken."
49753,164,8,4,"Well, my dad was always upfront and honest with me, so that's how I would be."
49754,164,8,4,"All right, kid, here's the deal with the deal."
49755,164,8,4,Your mom and dad are done-ski.
49756,164,8,4,Belly-flopped off a subway platform.
49757,164,8,4,Mom busted open like a piñata.
49758,164,8,4,What was left of your dad hung around for a few days.
49759,164,8,4,"Anyway, plug's pulled. Organs donated."
49760,164,8,4,Long story short: I'm your new mommy now. (chuckles)
49761,164,8,4,Sah-wish!
49762,164,8,4,(sobbing)
49763,164,8,4,"Well, I was saving these for the showcase, but here. Hey, Lily, look, baby, his-and-her watches."
49764,164,8,4,Ooh.
49765,164,8,4,(clears throat)
49766,164,8,4,"Ted, the category's all yours."
49767,164,8,4,"Okay, here's what I would say."
49768,164,8,4,"Well, Marvin, explaining where your parents are isn't gonna be easy."
49769,164,8,4,Even I-- Lily and Marshall's best friend for almost 20 years--
49770,164,8,4,will have a hard time doing it.
49771,164,8,4,But I do know a guy who's very good at this sort of thing.
49772,164,8,4,Professor Infosaurus!
49773,164,8,4,"(high voice): Hey, there, squirt!"
49774,164,8,4,Death is a difficult yet unfortunate certainty.
49775,164,8,4,Good enough! Ted wins the round!
49776,164,8,4,Yes! Yes! You'll see.
49777,164,8,4,"Professor Infosaurus will be a big, big hit with children."
49778,164,8,4,"Isn't that right, kids?"
49779,164,8,4,"Moving on. ""Discipline."" ""How would you handle Marvin taking another kid's toy?"" Barney?"
49780,164,8,4,(scoffs)
49781,164,8,4,That's easy.
49782,164,8,4,"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm calling Child Services."
49783,164,8,4,Wait for it.
49784,164,8,4,"I'll return your $1,900"
49785,164,8,4,alligator-skin belt when you return that toy.
49786,164,8,4,"Until then, you can wear this disgusting"
49787,164,8,4,(gasps)
49788,164,8,4,black-and-brown reversible belt.
49789,164,8,4,(sobbing)
49790,164,8,4,"(sobbing): Hey, I don't like it any more than you do!"
49791,164,8,4,"Ted, how would you discipline little Marvin?"
49792,164,8,4,I would be firm.
49793,164,8,4,"Fair, but firm."
49794,164,8,4,"You, sir, just lost your television privileges."
49795,164,8,4,"Okay, you can watch TV, but nothing violent."
49796,164,8,4,"Okay, it can be violent, but you have to do the dishes first."
49797,164,8,4,"Okay, I'll do the dishes, you watch TV."
49798,164,8,4,Let's go get some ice cream! Come on!
49799,164,8,4,But no sprinkles.
49800,164,8,4,Robin?
49801,164,8,4,"Okay, sprinkles."
49802,164,8,4,"Um, I would do what my dad did: tough love."
49803,164,8,4,"You know where you're headed, chief?"
49804,164,8,4,The British Columbia Military School for Boys.
49805,164,8,4,"Of course, you're actually a boy, so at least you won't have to shave off all your hair and burn your ""girlie"" clothing in an old oil drum while your father stands there and laughs at you through the flames!"
49806,164,8,4,"Oh, my God!"
49807,164,8,4,(hits xylophone)
49808,164,8,4,"I think that Robin wins this round because we love her and she's in a safe space, right, guys?"
49809,164,8,4,Robin matters!
49810,164,8,4,Yay! Totally.
49811,164,8,4,"Now, that's just one point, right?"
49812,164,8,4,Lily.
49813,164,8,4,A spin... that... wheel!
49814,164,8,4,"All: Oh... ""Birds and Bees."""
49815,164,8,4,"Barney, ""How would you teach young Marvin about the facts of life?"""
49816,164,8,4,Hmm...
49817,164,8,4,"You're gonna love Amsterdam, little bro."
49818,164,8,4,(sighs)
49819,164,8,4,"Okay, Barney's out of this round."
49820,164,8,4,"Ted, how would you handle ""the talk""?"
49821,164,8,4,"Well, Marvin would be a young adult, so you wouldn't want to talk down to him."
49822,164,8,4,But that doesn't mean you can't get down with him.
49823,164,8,4,(high-pitched rapping): ♪ When two adults wish to procreate ♪♪ They lay together and copulate ♪
49824,164,8,4,"♪ Male gametes, spermatozoa ♪♪ Implant themselves in the ladies' ova! ♪"
49825,164,8,4,♪ Break it down! ♪
49826,164,8,4,(beatboxing)
49827,164,8,4,"I'm sorry, don't you need"
49828,164,8,4,to actually have had s*x in order to explain it?
49829,164,8,4,Professor Infosaurus also has a rap about ignoring bullies.
49830,164,8,4,Robin? Birds and bees?
49831,164,8,4,"Well, I, for one, don't think you have to teach Marvin a thing."
49832,164,8,4,"If he's anything like his dad, he's a natural-born stud."
49833,164,8,4,"Lily got a little braggy at a cucumber stand once, big guy. (clicks tongue)"
49834,164,8,4,Robin wins again!
49835,164,8,4,"Oh, come on! That's clearly pandering!"
49836,164,8,4,A spin... that... wheel!
49837,164,8,4,
49838,164,8,4,"Narrator: We played long into the night, eventually making it to the dreaded..."
49839,164,8,4,Lightning round!
49840,164,8,4,First word!
49841,164,8,4,Oh. Ooh...
49842,164,8,4,"Actually, that's a joist, which carries the stress of the ceiling versus the primary architectural load."
49843,164,8,4,But that's my boy!
49844,164,8,4,(toy squeaking)
49845,164,8,4,Ooh.
49846,164,8,4,Nerd!
49847,164,8,4,(gasps)
49848,164,8,4,That's my boy!
49849,164,8,4,Marshall: First heartbreak!
49850,164,8,4,"I know this hurts, little buddy, but you'll love again someday, because time will heal a broken heart."
49851,164,8,4,But not that bitch's window.
49852,164,8,4,(window breaks)
49853,164,8,4,Run!
49854,164,8,4,"Ted: Yeah, right."
49855,164,8,4,I've seen Barney throw.
49856,164,8,4,"He's no Vinnie Pestano, am I right?"
49857,164,8,4,Beloved Indians' middle reliever.
49858,164,8,4,Cleveland sports are still relevant.
49859,164,8,4,"LeBron who? Right, guys?"
49860,164,8,4,"Ted, neither you nor Cleveland knows how to get over someone leaving them."
49861,164,8,4,Here's how you'd handle heartbreak.
49862,164,8,4,"(high-pitched voice): Cheer up, squirt."
49863,164,8,4,There are plenty of other wonderful women out there.
49864,164,8,4,(sobbing): But I thought that she was the one.
49865,164,8,4,I'll be at Uncle Barney's.
49866,164,8,4,This is ridiculous.
49867,164,8,4,I've known you for 16 years.
49868,164,8,4,I'm the obvious choice.
49869,164,8,4,"Oh, come on, if Ted raises him, the poor kid's still gonna be a virgin when he's 13."
49870,164,8,4,"I'm the obvious choice. Hey, look, as the only one of us packing a vag, I got a natural instinct for nurturing and crap like that."
49871,164,8,4,"Plus, I can teach him how to bow hunt."
49872,164,8,4,"Yeah, I could do that. I am Barney Stinson!"
49873,164,8,4,(all arguing)
49874,164,8,4,"Guys, guys, guys!"
49875,164,8,4,Okay! All right!
49876,164,8,4,"Obviously, none of you knows what it really means to be a parent."
49877,164,8,4,"(scoffs): Well... obviously, neither of you know what it means to be a friend anymore."
49878,164,8,4,What are you talking about?
49879,164,8,4,Think about it.
49880,164,8,4,This is the most we've seen you two in five months.
49881,164,8,4,Robin: You don't seem to care what's going on in our lives unless it's an eight or higher.
49882,164,8,4,"Well, what do you expect?"
49883,164,8,4,We have a baby now. Yeah.
49884,164,8,4,The days of closing down MacLaren's are over.
49885,164,8,4,Unless you want to get up with us at 5:13 in the morning with a screaming baby.
49886,164,8,4,So that's it?
49887,164,8,4,"The... the end of an era, just like that?"
49888,164,8,4,Look... we're sorry if-if we don't have time to sit around the bar listening to silly little dating problems.
49889,164,8,4,"When you have a baby, it's not just the most important thing in your life, it's the only important thing."
49890,164,8,4,When are you guys gonna get that?
49891,164,8,4,Think we get it.
49892,164,8,4,♪ ♪
49893,164,8,4,(door closes)
49894,164,8,4,I can't believe they just walked out.
49895,164,8,4,Yeah. Maybe it's for the best.
49896,164,8,4,Barney was starting to pull ahead.
49897,164,8,4,"I mean, how selfish can they be?"
49898,164,8,4,We're trying to raise a child here.
49899,164,8,4,I'm sorry if I don't have time to deal with Ted's... um.... o-or Robin's... um... or-or Barney's... mm...
49900,164,8,4,Huh.
49901,164,8,4,"You know, we were about to name one of them Marvin's godparent, and... I can't tell you what's going on in any of their lives."
49902,164,8,4,(exhales)
49903,164,8,4,Do you think that maybe we've been a little crappy as friends lately?
49904,164,8,4,Do you really know how to bow hunt?
49905,164,8,4,"Um, yeah."
49906,164,8,4,"At the British Columbia Military School for Boys we called it ""making lunch."""
49907,164,8,4,"Lily: Hey, guys."
49908,164,8,4,We asked Mickey to watch Marvin so we could come down and talk.
49909,164,8,4,"I know that we didn't get to finish the game, but... we've reached a decision."
49910,164,8,4,Marshall: Lily?
49911,164,8,4,We've decided...
49912,164,8,4,"...to revoke the ""eight or higher"" rule."
49913,164,8,4,TED/ROBIN/BARNEY: What?
49914,164,8,4,We want to know everything that's going on with you guys.
49915,164,8,4,Really?
49916,164,8,4,You're our best friends.
49917,164,8,4,Everything is an eight or higher.
49918,164,8,4,"Narrator: And for the first time in almost half a year, Lily and Marshall closed down MacLaren's."
49919,164,8,4,"Anyway, Victoria's dad and I are working out a payment plan with a very reasonable interest rate."
49920,164,8,4,♪ ♪
49921,164,8,4,"At least, Nick's cycle is fuel-efficient--"
49922,164,8,4,"we're getting, like,"
49923,164,8,4,"30, 35 miles to the cob."
49924,164,8,4,Really? Yeah.
49925,164,8,4,"You know, I should've told you about that six and a half sooner."
49926,164,8,4,Barney Stinson banging anything less than an eight?
49927,164,8,4,That's like a 15.
49928,164,8,4,And it was a great night.
49929,164,8,4,Until...
49930,164,8,4,(Marvin bawling in other room)
49931,164,8,4,(sighs): Go back to bed.
49932,164,8,4,We got this.
49933,164,8,4,♪ ♪
49934,164,8,4,(Marvin continues bawling)
49935,164,8,4,And Lily and Marshall finally decided on a guardian.
49936,164,8,4,"Are you sure about this, baby? Yes."
49937,164,8,4,"No matter what happens, I want Marvin to stay in the family."
49938,164,8,4,Oh...
49939,164,8,4,Is that a bowling ball in a onesie?
49940,165,8,5,"Kids, it's no secret your Uncle Barney is a bit of a dog, and even though he loved me, I think he always wanted a wingman who was a bit of a dog, too..."
49941,165,8,5,(chuckles)
49942,165,8,5,And in the fall of 2012... he found one.
49943,165,8,5,Respect.
49944,165,8,5,(barks)
49945,165,8,5,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x05 ♪
49946,165,8,5,The Autumn of Breakups
49947,165,8,5,"Original Air Date on November 5, 2012"
49948,165,8,5,"Hey, guys, thanks again for a great night last night."
49949,165,8,5,"I say again, great night."
49950,165,8,5,"Ted, honey, it was not a great night."
49951,165,8,5,"Marshall: Ted, Lily and I noticed some things last night."
49952,165,8,5,"Hey, Ted, can you pass me a cracker?"
49953,165,8,5,"Yeah. It's the least you can do, considering I left a guy at the altar for you."
49954,165,8,5,"(laughing): Right, right?"
49955,165,8,5,"Oh, come on, that was a joke."
49956,165,8,5,Women over 30 don't joke when it comes to commitment.
49957,165,8,5,Victoria is happy we're taking things slow.
49958,165,8,5,(both laugh)
49959,165,8,5,"Oh, oh, honeysweetiebaby, no 32-year-old woman is happy taking things slow."
49960,165,8,5,Mm.
49961,165,8,5,"Trust me, Victoria has got friends from high school posting pictures of second babies on Facebook."
49962,165,8,5,Mm-hmm.
49963,165,8,5,"And you think girlfriend's all like, ""Oh, let's just bone a bunch so I'm another year older and still single""?"
49964,165,8,5,"Bitch, please. Mm."
49965,165,8,5,"Guys, I've got a new bro--"
49966,165,8,5,a bro that puts all other bros to shame.
49967,165,8,5,The bitches love him.
49968,165,8,5,(snickers)
49969,165,8,5,He buries bones all day.
49970,165,8,5,(snickering): Whoo!
49971,165,8,5,No one chases tail like him.
49972,165,8,5,(snickers)
49973,165,8,5,Why aren't you guys laughing?
49974,165,8,5,"Oh, wait, I probably should have led with this: he's a dog."
49975,165,8,5,I've named him Brover.
49976,165,8,5,I'll go...
49977,165,8,5,(snickers)
49978,165,8,5,...fetch him.
49979,165,8,5,(laughs)
49980,165,8,5,"Okay, I'm worried about Barney."
49981,165,8,5,That breakup with Quinn messed him up more than he let on.
49982,165,8,5,I think he's lonely.
49983,165,8,5,Dude seems fine to me.
49984,165,8,5,"I love you so much, Brover."
49985,165,8,5,(laughing)
49986,165,8,5,"Seriously, based on last night, you and Victoria are headed for trouble."
49987,165,8,5,So I got this kind of interesting job offer to run a bakery in Denver.
49988,165,8,5,"(laughing): But that's too crazy, though, right?"
49989,165,8,5,Right?
49990,165,8,5,"Uh, yeah."
49991,165,8,5,The high altitude would affect the density of the pastries.
49992,165,8,5,"(laughing): I mean, talk about half-baked."
49993,165,8,5,"Man, this is a great night."
49994,165,8,5,That was Victoria asking you to move to Denver with her.
49995,165,8,5,What?
49996,165,8,5,"Then, why wouldn't she just come right out and say what she wants?"
49997,165,8,5,Men.
49998,165,8,5,"It's like, if there weren't pickle jars to open and spiders to kill and computers to back up, what would be their point?"
49999,165,8,5,Mm-hmm.
50000,165,8,5,"Okay, when did Marshall become a slightly more feminine you?"
50001,165,8,5,"Look, Ted, it gets exhausting constantly giving people advice they haven't asked for, so I'm training Marshall."
50002,165,8,5,"My goal is to eventually say things that are so sassy and wise, that there is no possible response other than ""mm"" or ""mm-hmm."""
50003,165,8,5,And if this is a place where we can share our dreams--
50004,165,8,5,I like to think that it is--
50005,165,8,5,"I hope someday to earn a... ""testify."""
50006,165,8,5,"Look, Victoria and I are five months in and we're right where we should be."
50007,165,8,5,"All right, we-we're cosigning birthday cards, w-we got toothbrushes at each other's places, foreplay's out the window."
50008,165,8,5,"I'm in, I'm out, I'm sleeping, it's great."
50009,165,8,5,It's more than five months.
50010,165,8,5,You guys dated before; that time counts.
50011,165,8,5,The clock doesn't reset to zero.
50012,165,8,5,It un-pauses from where you left off.
50013,165,8,5,"No way, no way, the clock resets."
50014,165,8,5,(both laugh)
50015,165,8,5,"Wait, so this is what you guys do?"
50016,165,8,5,You invite other couples over for dinner to judge them and feel superior?
50017,165,8,5,"Oh, grow up, Ted, that's why any couple invites anyone over ever."
50018,165,8,5,"Two Scotches, both neat, and if you've got some, uh, nuts, this guy lost a couple."
50019,165,8,5,Ha-ha.
50020,165,8,5,"Take the hit, just take the hit."
50021,165,8,5,"Okay, this is a cry for help."
50022,165,8,5,Can we invite Barney over for dinner tonight?
50023,165,8,5,But I was going to make you a special meal to celebrate my show getting nominated for a Local Area Media Award.
50024,165,8,5,"Narrator: Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, Nick had a cable access cooking show."
50025,165,8,5,"Announcer: Chef Nick Podarutti uses all fresh, locally grown ingredients, but don't think for a second that means he's not a bad boy."
50026,165,8,5,She runs on corn.
50027,165,8,5,♪ Nick the Bad Boy
50028,165,8,5,♪ Chef...
50029,165,8,5,I'm gonna invite him over for dinner.
50030,165,8,5,"Okay, fine, but you'd better make sure he has a ticket. 'Cause it's all aboard the Chow-Chow Train!"
50031,165,8,5,"Honey, I know it's hard coming up with a signature cooking catchphrase, but I don't think that's it."
50032,165,8,5,"I know, but how do you compete with ""Bam!""?"
50033,165,8,5,It just says it all.
50034,165,8,5,"Hey, you."
50035,165,8,5,"Hey, can I ask you something?"
50036,165,8,5,"Um, Lily and Marshall think I'm missing all these hints you're dropping that you want a deeper commitment."
50037,165,8,5,"I mean, you'd just come right out and tell me, right?"
50038,165,8,5,Totally.
50039,165,8,5,I-I think I can be a little bit more direct than that.
50040,165,8,5,Thank you.
50041,165,8,5,"Oh, hey, I was cleaning my apartment today and I dug this up."
50042,165,8,5,"Should I keep this wedding dress, or do you think I'll never, ever need it again?"
50043,165,8,5,So Lily and Marshall were right?
50044,165,8,5,Of course they're right.
50045,165,8,5,"When a girl jumps in your car in a wedding dress, you can't act surprised to find out she wants to get married."
50046,165,8,5,"Besides, we dated before, and that time counts."
50047,165,8,5,We just hit pause on the clock.
50048,165,8,5,"See, a lot of really smart people would argue the clock resets."
50049,165,8,5,"It un-pauses, everybody knows that."
50050,165,8,5,"You know, Barney's a little late."
50051,165,8,5,I hope he's okay.
50052,165,8,5,"Ah, he's fine, and I still don't think he's crying out for help."
50053,165,8,5,Well...
50054,165,8,5,(knocking)
50055,165,8,5,(sighs)
50056,165,8,5,Sorry we're late.
50057,165,8,5,We just came from the tailor.
50058,165,8,5,"Brover couldn't settle on a tie, so I just bought them all."
50059,165,8,5,You say no to that face.
50060,165,8,5,(laughs)
50061,165,8,5,"There's a reason that you're not a hundred percent in this with me, Ted."
50062,165,8,5,Something's holding us back.
50063,165,8,5,"Well, what is it?"
50064,165,8,5,I think we've established I'm not great at picking up on clues--
50065,165,8,5,"well, in this situation."
50066,165,8,5,"As a kid, I was known as a bit of a detective."
50067,165,8,5,"In fact, when my friend's retainer went missing, the Mosby Boys were put on the case, and it was..."
50068,165,8,5,The retainer was in the garbage.
50069,165,8,5,"The Mosby Boys were you, your sister, and a neighborhood squirrel you thought you had tamed."
50070,165,8,5,I can't believe Squirrel-lock Holmes turned on us like that.
50071,165,8,5,Eight weeks of training down the drain.
50072,165,8,5,"You know how I know that, Ted?"
50073,165,8,5,"Because we covered it in the ""getting to know you"" part of the relationship six years ago."
50074,165,8,5,Six years.
50075,165,8,5,Then... what's holding us back?
50076,165,8,5,"Call in the Mosby Boys, Ted, let me know if they crack the case."
50077,165,8,5,"Guys, Brover is not only the best bro I've ever had, he's amazing with the ladies."
50078,165,8,5,"I'm sorry, don't you think it's a little pathetic to use a dog to pick up chicks?"
50079,165,8,5,"Sir, wingmanship is a two-way street."
50080,165,8,5,"If Brover meets a cutie, I'll take the hit and chat up the chubby lady friend."
50081,165,8,5,Sometimes I'll be the jerk...
50082,165,8,5,(barks)
50083,165,8,5,...so Brover can swoop in and be the hero.
50084,165,8,5,"And like any good wingman, I gather as much intel as I can right up front."
50085,165,8,5,How old's your dog?
50086,165,8,5,She's five. Oh.
50087,165,8,5,What's that in dog years?
50088,165,8,5,"Like, 35."
50089,165,8,5,We're done here.
50090,165,8,5,"Well, you were right."
50091,165,8,5,"Victoria says something's holding us back, and I don't have any idea what it is."
50092,165,8,5,"Any brilliant insights, Oprah?"
50093,165,8,5,Steadman?
50094,165,8,5,"Um, try Gayle."
50095,165,8,5,(scoffs)
50096,165,8,5,"Marshall, I want you to take this one."
50097,165,8,5,You're ready.
50098,165,8,5,"Oh, I don't know."
50099,165,8,5,Although I do hear this little voice in the back of my head trying to tell me something.
50100,165,8,5,(gasps)
50101,165,8,5,That's your inner goddess.
50102,165,8,5,"Listen to her, channel her."
50103,165,8,5,(in Southern belle voice): If Victoria quenches your thirst like a tall glass of sweet tea on a hot July day...
50104,165,8,5,"Marshall, why is she Southern?"
50105,165,8,5,
50106,165,8,5,Don't let him break the connection.
50107,165,8,5,"...well, you got to make an honest woman out of her."
50108,165,8,5,"Okay, I'm leaving."
50109,165,8,5,"But, but, if not, well, then, sugar..."
50110,165,8,5,...you got to let that nightingale spread her wings and soar to her own beautiful tomorrow.
50111,165,8,5,Testify.
50112,165,8,5,You guys are the worst.
50113,165,8,5,Where am I?
50114,165,8,5,(phone rings)
50115,165,8,5,Sorry.
50116,165,8,5,"Uh, go for Barney."
50117,165,8,5,Uh-huh.
50118,165,8,5,I see.
50119,165,8,5,Totally understood.
50120,165,8,5,I'll do that.
50121,165,8,5,Great.
50122,165,8,5,Thank you.
50123,165,8,5,(chuckles)
50124,165,8,5,That was Brover's owner.
50125,165,8,5,"I guess, while she was out of town, he ran away from his kennel, and now that she's back, I have to return him."
50126,165,8,5,"Oh, Barney, I'm so sorry."
50127,165,8,5,"Oh, it's all good."
50128,165,8,5,"Um, excuse me for one moment."
50129,165,8,5,"Hey, Barney."
50130,165,8,5,(sobbing)
50131,165,8,5,"No, no. No, no!"
50132,165,8,5,Oh.
50133,165,8,5,Wha...
50134,165,8,5,Victoria.
50135,165,8,5,Will you marry me?
50136,165,8,5,"Yes, of course."
50137,165,8,5,(sighs)
50138,165,8,5,There's just one thing.
50139,165,8,5,Anything. You name it.
50140,165,8,5,You can't be friends with Robin.
50141,165,8,5,You won't marry me if I'm still friends with Robin?
50142,165,8,5,Wait. She's the thing that's been holding us back?
50143,165,8,5,There-There's just too much history there.
50144,165,8,5,"I mean, Robin's the reason that we broke up the first time around. Robin's our roadblock."
50145,165,8,5,"Robin's the deep, dark pit where our relationship goes to die."
50146,165,8,5,But nicest girl in the world. Salt of the earth.
50147,165,8,5,But she's with Nick now.
50148,165,8,5,"I mean, sure, his cooking show is lousy with awkward catchphrase attempts."
50149,165,8,5,"Oh, my gosh, who's ready to nosh?"
50150,165,8,5,Who's popping a chub for some grub?
50151,165,8,5,(audience gasps)
50152,165,8,5,"I offer my deepest apologies to anyone who was offended by my ""popping a chub"" remark."
50153,165,8,5,I can and will do better.
50154,165,8,5,Won't happen again.
50155,165,8,5,And now who's ready to eat my meat?
50156,165,8,5,(audience gasps)
50157,165,8,5,"Oh, come on."
50158,165,8,5,"But Robin's happy with Nick, and I'm happy with you."
50159,165,8,5,"Look, I, I just asked you to be my wife."
50160,165,8,5,Isn't that proof there's nothing between me and Robin?
50161,165,8,5,"Well, maybe today there isn't, but what about tomorrow?"
50162,165,8,5,Or next week or 15 years from now?
50163,165,8,5,I'll always be wondering.
50164,165,8,5,"I never wanted to be that girl who says it's Robin or it's me, but, well..."
50165,165,8,5,It's Robin or it's you.
50166,165,8,5,You've been a hell of a wingman.
50167,165,8,5,"And even though I think it's kind of gross when you pleasure yourself orally, don't ever think that means I'm not impressed."
50168,165,8,5,Hey... do you think that Barney's gonna be okay bringing Brover back?
50169,165,8,5,"Yeah, he'll be fine."
50170,165,8,5,"(crying): It's not just the ability to go to town on yourself, but you do it with such joie de vivre."
50171,165,8,5,I really think that I should go with him.
50172,165,8,5,"No, but you got to eat these crêpes as soon as they're flambéed."
50173,165,8,5,They're gonna be bon appe-sweet!
50174,165,8,5,No. Damn.
50175,165,8,5,We'll work on it when I get back.
50176,165,8,5,"No, I get it. You know, I only spent all night working on these, but, hey, Barney's more important."
50177,165,8,5,Nick... It's fine. Go.
50178,165,8,5,"Anyway, let's not make a big deal of it."
50179,165,8,5,"We hung out for a few days, had some fun..."
50180,165,8,5,No big woof.
50181,165,8,5,(barks)
50182,165,8,5,(sobbing): I don't know who I am without you.
50183,165,8,5,This is crazy.
50184,165,8,5,"Victoria is being completely unreasonable about Robin, and my snap sister is gonna back me up."
50185,165,8,5,(snaps fingers)
50186,165,8,5,I say again...
50187,165,8,5,(snaps fingers)
50188,165,8,5,I kind of see Victoria's point.
50189,165,8,5,Come again for Ms. Fudge?
50190,165,8,5,Ted and Robin have so much history.
50191,165,8,5,Exactly. History. Ancient history.
50192,165,8,5,"Ted, you said ""I love you"" to her earlier this year."
50193,165,8,5,"I'm not saying this is fair, but I get it."
50194,165,8,5,I didn't get that at all.
50195,165,8,5,How could my inner goddess be so far off?
50196,165,8,5,"Oh, you'll get there, honey."
50197,165,8,5,Oprah wasn't built in a day.
50198,165,8,5,Uh-oh. What?
50199,165,8,5,I kind of went rogue.
50200,165,8,5,"Look, if you really want to have a baby, just stop taking the pill."
50201,165,8,5,You guys slept together at spring break three years ago.
50202,165,8,5,That means something.
50203,165,8,5,"Loves show tunes, total shopaholic, not always pestering you for s*x?"
50204,165,8,5,"Um, Clifford sounds like a keeper."
50205,165,8,5,"Marshall, all of that advice was terrible."
50206,165,8,5,Not as terrible as you saying that Ted and Robin should stop being friends.
50207,165,8,5,I'm not saying they should. It would be horrible.
50208,165,8,5,But if Ted really wants to be with Victoria...
50209,165,8,5,"Ted, tell her that you're not gonna stop being friends with Robin."
50210,165,8,5,(sighs)
50211,165,8,5,I can't imagine life without Robin.
50212,165,8,5,But she'll never be in love with me.
50213,165,8,5,She'll never be my wife.
50214,165,8,5,She'll never be the person I grow old with.
50215,165,8,5,Victoria...
50216,165,8,5,Victoria could be.
50217,165,8,5,Are you saying what I think you're saying?
50218,165,8,5,You ready to say good-bye?
50219,165,8,5,Thanks for coming with me.
50220,165,8,5,"Oh, well, you did the same for me back when I had to give away all my dogs. Remember?"
50221,165,8,5,"Oh, yeah, we drove to your aunt's farm upstate."
50222,165,8,5,She was awesome.
50223,165,8,5,"Yeah. I love how she was this wise, old, chilled out, lesbian farmer."
50224,165,8,5,(laughs)
50225,165,8,5,"No, no, no. She's not a lesbian."
50226,165,8,5,Nor does she farm them.
50227,165,8,5,"No, that woman she lives with, that's just her special friend Maureen."
50228,165,8,5,They've lived together for...
50229,165,8,5,Oh.
50230,165,8,5,"(groaning): Oh, this is gonna be tough."
50231,165,8,5,Brover really was the best wingman ever.
50232,165,8,5,"Oh, my God."
50233,165,8,5,Thank you so much for bringing Mr. Sprinkles back. Mr. Sprinkles... is a great name for a dog.
50234,165,8,5,Mommy missed you so much.
50235,165,8,5,"Yes, she did."
50236,165,8,5,Did this nice couple take care of you?
50237,165,8,5,(both stammering)
50238,165,8,5,That's a laugh. Ha.
50239,165,8,5,(laughs): Big bro.
50240,165,8,5,"I got to split. Yeah, I got to, I got to head back to the farm... where I live with my special friend Maureen."
50241,165,8,5,Whom I now realize is my lesbian life partner.
50242,165,8,5,Surprise.
50243,165,8,5,Okay. All right.
50244,165,8,5,So... would you like a drink?
50245,165,8,5,Best wingman ever.
50246,165,8,5,Hey.
50247,165,8,5,What's all this?
50248,165,8,5,I thought you were mad at me.
50249,165,8,5,I was... but then I realized I just have to accept that you have close guy friends.
50250,165,8,5,"I mean, I don't want it becoming a habit that they steal you away from me in the middle of the night."
50251,165,8,5,But...
50252,165,8,5,(electronic chime)
50253,165,8,5,"Oh, sorry."
50254,165,8,5,"Oh, Ted needs to see me."
50255,165,8,5,"Oh, for the love of God, woman. Oh, it's not what you think. He just wants to have s*x."
50256,165,8,5,Kidding.
50257,165,8,5,Just a little hand stuff.
50258,165,8,5,Ha. Kidding again.
50259,165,8,5,Ted's more of a boob man. I seriously can't stop.
50260,165,8,5,What does he want? Um...
50261,165,8,5,"I don't know, but he says it's urgent."
50262,165,8,5,I'm so sorry.
50263,165,8,5,Just one more little steal-away.
50264,165,8,5,Just as long as he gives you back.
50265,165,8,5,Thanks.
50266,165,8,5,So... are you okay?
50267,165,8,5,"What is this big, urgent thing that couldn't wait till tomorrow?"
50268,165,8,5,There's something I have to tell you.
50269,165,8,5,Um...
50270,165,8,5,"I've thought about this a ton, and, um..."
50271,165,8,5,"I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but..."
50272,165,8,5,"I'm not in love with Robin, um, but she's like family to me, and, uh..."
50273,165,8,5,I can't end that.
50274,165,8,5,So... can you accept that?
50275,165,8,5,I really hope you get her some day.
50276,165,8,5,"Hey, guys."
50277,165,8,5,Hey. Hey.
50278,165,8,5,"So, last night Ted calls me out to the bar to talk about something urgent."
50279,165,8,5,Guess what it was.
50280,165,8,5,He wants to write a series of young adult mystery novels called The Mosby Boys.
50281,165,8,5,Why did you need to tell me that?
50282,165,8,5,You work in the media. You know people.
50283,165,8,5,"Okay, well, first of all, lose the Mosby nerds and focus on that crime-solving squirrel."
50284,165,8,5,That guy is gold. Yeah.
50285,165,8,5,"And secondly, next time you have a big idea late at night, please bug your girlfriend about it."
50286,165,8,5,"Uh, actually..."
50287,165,8,5,Victoria and I broke up.
50288,165,8,5,"Oh, my God."
50289,165,8,5,"Why, what, what happened?"
50290,165,8,5,"We just, you know, wanted different things."
50291,165,8,5,"I'm so sorry, buddy."
50292,165,8,5,"But, bright side..."
50293,165,8,5,Robin is gonna be so touched when she hears you ended things with Victoria because of her.
50294,165,8,5,She can never know.
50295,165,8,5,Promise me Robin will never find out.
50296,165,8,5,I don't understand.
50297,165,8,5,Promise.
50298,165,8,5,Promise. Promise.
50299,165,8,5,"Narrator: Of course, Robin did find out."
50300,165,8,5,But we'll get to that.
50301,165,8,5,(barks)
50302,165,8,5,So you do have balls?
50303,165,8,5,(barks)
50304,166,8,6,"Narrator: In the fall of 2012, Nick and Robin were going strong. Sometimes it's hard to say what it is exactly that makes a couple click."
50305,166,8,6,(sighs)
50306,166,8,6,Wow.
50307,166,8,6,(sighs)
50308,166,8,6,Bravissimo!
50309,166,8,6,"Whatever it was, kids, Nick and Robin really connected at first."
50310,166,8,6,"Hey, you know, I think I'm really starting to feel something here..."
50311,166,8,6,(snoring)
50312,166,8,6,"But then, as often happens, they started to drift apart."
50313,166,8,6,Why?
50314,166,8,6,Who can say?
50315,166,8,6,Nick and I haven't had s*x in three days.
50316,166,8,6,And it's your fault.
50317,166,8,6,"Nick won't have s*x because he pulled his groin muscle, all 'cause you made him join your stupid basketball team."
50318,166,8,6,"Did you say ""stupid basketball team""?"
50319,166,8,6,Yeah.
50320,166,8,6,"Oh, my gosh, guys, we have to rush Robin to the hospital."
50321,166,8,6,"Because somehow, she swallowed her vocal cords and they got lodged in her rectum,"
50322,166,8,6,(whispers): because she's talking out of her ass.
50323,166,8,6,"Over the summer, Marshall had joined a midtown professionals basketball league."
50324,166,8,6,His team of lawyers was called The Force Majeurs.
50325,166,8,6,"Ever since they lost to a group of accountants, he'd started getting a little intense about it."
50326,166,8,6,"You sure you didn't have a ringer or two out there, Joel?"
50327,166,8,6,Don't know what you're talking about.
50328,166,8,6,"Good hustle out there, Aboubakar!"
50329,166,8,6,"If Joel can use ringers, then so can we."
50330,166,8,6,And Nick is our best player.
50331,166,8,6,"So as far as I'm concerned, you can both keep your groins on ice."
50332,166,8,6,Ted: Groins on Ice.
50333,166,8,6,Least popular Madison Square Garden holiday show ever.
50334,166,8,6,Why are you so into this basketball league?
50335,166,8,6,"Robin, it's the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30"
50336,166,8,6,Who Work In Midtown League.
50337,166,8,6,It's The Show!
50338,166,8,6,(laughs)
50339,166,8,6,"You know, it's kind of funny, imagining people icing their groins."
50340,166,8,6,"I mean, first they'd be all cold, and then the ice would start to melt, and things would get all wet and... steamy."
50341,166,8,6,"Okay, Lily."
50342,166,8,6,"Look, buddy, I'm also the captain of a team in the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30"
50343,166,8,6,Who Work In Midtown League.
50344,166,8,6,"I'm addicted to the adrenaline, too."
50345,166,8,6,"Still, don't you think you're getting a little obsessive about..."
50346,166,8,6,"Robin: Uh, hold up, hold up."
50347,166,8,6,Are you suggesting that you are a member of a sports team
50348,166,8,6,and you're the captain?
50349,166,8,6,"So says the ""C"""
50350,166,8,6,I personally sewed onto my jersey.
50351,166,8,6,"After Victoria and I broke up, I had some free time."
50352,166,8,6,"So, called up a few architect friends and put together a little team called the T-Squares."
50353,166,8,6,See that?
50354,166,8,6,The floor's uneven.
50355,166,8,6,And that window placement is rubbish.
50356,166,8,6,"You know, if a genie gave me one wish, I would knock down that wall and create a nice flow."
50357,166,8,6,Great wish.
50358,166,8,6,"I mean, there's too much hardwood, right?"
50359,166,8,6,Did you nerds actually play any basketball?
50360,166,8,6,"Um, us nerds focused on something far more important: bonding."
50361,166,8,6,You guys are going to get pounded.
50362,166,8,6,And I am not.
50363,166,8,6,"Oh, come on. You can't go a couple weeks without s*x?"
50364,166,8,6,"Our point guard's a 52-year-old virgin, happy as a clam."
50365,166,8,6,I'm sure he's quite a ball handler.
50366,166,8,6,"The problem is, now that we're not having s*x, we're talking more, and I'm realizing that Nick is kind of... dumb."
50367,166,8,6,Really? News to me.
50368,166,8,6,I hadn't noticed that. No.
50369,166,8,6,"Oh, my God."
50370,166,8,6,"You guys think that he's dumb, too?"
50371,166,8,6,So dumb.
50372,166,8,6,Air bags are sharper.
50373,166,8,6,Hot as lava but just as thick.
50374,166,8,6,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x06 ♪
50375,166,8,6,Splitsville
50376,166,8,6,"Original Air Date on November 12, 2012"
50377,166,8,6,Wow. When did you guys start to notice that he was kind of dumb?
50378,166,8,6,"Well, there was that time Nick was doing the crossword."
50379,166,8,6,"Hey, what's a four-"
50380,166,8,6,"letter word for cut? ""Nick."""
50381,166,8,6,Yeah?
50382,166,8,6,Is a four-letter word for cut.
50383,166,8,6,"What is? ""Nick."" What?"
50384,166,8,6,"Oh. I got it. ""Shave."""
50385,166,8,6,And there was the comment about Gypsies.
50386,166,8,6,"No, no."
50387,166,8,6,I think Gypsies prefer to be called Romani now.
50388,166,8,6,(laughs)
50389,166,8,6,Do they? Really?
50390,166,8,6,"And what do unicorns and, uh, elves and leprechauns prefer to be called?"
50391,166,8,6,(laughs)
50392,166,8,6,"You do know, uh, Gypsies are a real ethnic group that actually exists?"
50393,166,8,6,"Oh, you guys, I feel terrible now."
50394,166,8,6,"I always thought they were just made up, like goblins or trolls or dolphins."
50395,166,8,6,And then there's that story you told about how you and Nick picked up that Danish exchange student and you all took a shower together.
50396,166,8,6,I never told a story like that.
50397,166,8,6,"Well, no time like the present."
50398,166,8,6,Let's give this Danish ho a name.
50399,166,8,6,I'm thinking Nadia.
50400,166,8,6,"Yeah, she sounds slutty and bi-curious."
50401,166,8,6,What is wrong with you?
50402,166,8,6,Your kid is right there.
50403,166,8,6,Maybe want to clean it up a lit...
50404,166,8,6,(grunting)
50405,166,8,6,You're wearing a baby and you're doing pull-ups?
50406,166,8,6,"No, Ted, I'm sitting around getting soft, 'cause that's what champions do."
50407,166,8,6,"The problem is, now that I know how dumb Nick is, it's kind of making me reconsider the relationship."
50408,166,8,6,Why?
50409,166,8,6,"Eventually, Nick's groin will heal and you'll be back in Sexville, where all the crossword puzzles only have one box to fill."
50410,166,8,6,Talk about a double standard.
50411,166,8,6,"Every time I go after a busty dullard who can't tell time or thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow."
50412,166,8,6,But somehow it's okay for Robin to date a guy who can't be trusted around outlets.
50413,166,8,6,Dump him!
50414,166,8,6,"Okay, that is ridiculous."
50415,166,8,6,Is Nick a genius? No.
50416,166,8,6,But does he have average intelligence?
50417,166,8,6,No.
50418,166,8,6,"But he is a human being, with a heart!"
50419,166,8,6,"And you're afraid if I dump him, it'll throw off his game."
50420,166,8,6,"Robin, he got 36 points and 17 rebounds last week."
50421,166,8,6,And that was with his shoes on the wrong feet.
50422,166,8,6,(sighs)
50423,166,8,6,"Well, you're probably all wondering how the T-Squares' practice went today."
50424,166,8,6,The T-What?
50425,166,8,6,We played up here.
50426,166,8,6,"Basketball, people don't realize, is all geometry, physics and engineering."
50427,166,8,6,"If you think like an architect, you could win a thousand games without ever touching a ball."
50428,166,8,6,What happened to your ball?
50429,166,8,6,Some kids from the Hebrew school next door took it and wouldn't give it back.
50430,166,8,6,(chuckles): Oh.
50431,166,8,6,Oy.
50432,166,8,6,Hey.
50433,166,8,6,"Hey. Hey. Oh, thanks."
50434,166,8,6,How'd the breakup with Nick go?
50435,166,8,6,Well...
50436,166,8,6,"So, I went to this fortune teller today and she said there was a curse on me."
50437,166,8,6,Did she sell you something to ward off the curse?
50438,166,8,6,"It's like you're a fortune teller, too."
50439,166,8,6,(sighs)
50440,166,8,6,"Nick, um..."
50441,166,8,6,I think we need to talk.
50442,166,8,6,Yeah.
50443,166,8,6,Uh... it's just...
50444,166,8,6,"Whoa, these are hard."
50445,166,8,6,"Anyway, this $500 bracelet will ward off evil till the end of the week, so..."
50446,166,8,6,"Do you think that you could do, uh, sit-ups or something while you talk?"
50447,166,8,6,Yeah.
50448,166,8,6,(chuckles)
50449,166,8,6,"Anyway, this fortune teller, she was able to tell me all sorts of stuff about my future, just from my credit cards and my social security number, I knew you'd cave."
50450,166,8,6,Which is why I came up with a little extra incentive to break up with Nick.
50451,166,8,6,End it by 8:00 p.m. tonight or this invite goes live.
50452,166,8,6,(festive music playing over computer)
50453,166,8,6,"""Robin and Patrice's BFF Fun Day?!"""
50454,166,8,6,"Narrator: Kids, Patrice was a coworker of Robin's who'd become sort of obsessed with her."
50455,166,8,6,"Robin had managed, until now, to keep Patrice at arms length."
50456,166,8,6,"But if Patrice were invited to something called Robin and Patrice's BFF Fun Day, she'd latch onto Robin and never let go."
50457,166,8,6,Why would you do that?
50458,166,8,6,Delete that right now!
50459,166,8,6,"No! If I don't give you a little push, you'll let this drag on until Nick can have s*x again, and then you'll be right back to procrastinating on all fours."
50460,166,8,6,"I hate to admit it, but the man in the suit has a point."
50461,166,8,6,Ugh!
50462,166,8,6,"Fine, but the playoffs are coming up soon, and I can't have this guy an emotional wreck."
50463,166,8,6,"If you do dump him, at least let him down easy."
50464,166,8,6,"Yeah, take him to a nice restaurant."
50465,166,8,6,Preferably a dessert place.
50466,166,8,6,"That way, you won't have to sit through a whole meal before you get to..."
50467,166,8,6,Splitsville. Exactly.
50468,166,8,6,"No, Splitsville."
50469,166,8,6,It's a dessert place right around the corner.
50470,166,8,6,It's sort of the place to end a relationship.
50471,166,8,6,"Uh, Nick, listen."
50472,166,8,6,"You are awesome and totally sweet, but we're just not..."
50473,166,8,6,(sighs)
50474,166,8,6,"You know where I'm going with this, right?"
50475,166,8,6,No. No clue.
50476,166,8,6,"Okay, um..."
50477,166,8,6,I don't know if we should keep seeing each other.
50478,166,8,6,You want to start turning off the lights during s*x?
50479,166,8,6,"No. God, no."
50480,166,8,6,No! No.
50481,166,8,6,"I am just worried that, as a couple, we're not working out."
50482,166,8,6,You want to start going to the gym together?
50483,166,8,6,"Okay, no, Nick, here is the deal."
50484,166,8,6,Okay...
50485,166,8,6,(cell phone rings)
50486,166,8,6,"Sorry, babe. I got to take this."
50487,166,8,6,Excuse me.
50488,166,8,6,Hello.
50489,166,8,6,"Hey, what's up?"
50490,166,8,6,You...
50491,166,8,6,What? I...
50492,166,8,6,I don't understand.
50493,166,8,6,But you...
50494,166,8,6,"Okay, um, you know what?"
50495,166,8,6,"I'm sorry, I-I have to go."
50496,166,8,6,What happened?
50497,166,8,6,(sobs): I...
50498,166,8,6,"I, um..."
50499,166,8,6,"Uh, I'm sorry, I can't talk about this."
50500,166,8,6,(sniffles)
50501,166,8,6,(exhales heavily)
50502,166,8,6,"Anyway, what were you going to say?"
50503,166,8,6,Uh...
50504,166,8,6,"I was gonna say, order whatever else you want."
50505,166,8,6,It's on me.
50506,166,8,6,"Well, thanks, but I think I'd just rather eat it out of a bowl."
50507,166,8,6,"Well, no doubt you're all wondering how the T-Square's first game went."
50508,166,8,6,What Squares?
50509,166,8,6,Ted: Picture a well-
50510,166,8,6,oiled machine.
50511,166,8,6,Your sewing machine?
50512,166,8,6,There were two seconds left on the clock.
50513,166,8,6,Aboubakar was all over me.
50514,166,8,6,And that's when all my years of architectural training came to my aid.
50515,166,8,6,I saw the space in a way my opponents never would.
50516,166,8,6,(buzzer sounds)
50517,166,8,6,Yes!
50518,166,8,6,I told you guys I'd make one of these!
50519,166,8,6,"Turns out, those two points were taken away because apparently the ball went ""out of bounds."""
50520,166,8,6,"But don't worry, I'm appealing to the league office."
50521,166,8,6,This Aboubakar-- I'm assuming you showered with the guy?
50522,166,8,6,Paint me a word picture.
50523,166,8,6,(cell phone rings)
50524,166,8,6,Hello.
50525,166,8,6,"Lil, is Barney there?"
50526,166,8,6,He's not answering his phone.
50527,166,8,6,"Mm, he's a little busy right now."
50528,166,8,6,It's Robin.
50529,166,8,6,37... 38...
50530,166,8,6,Put her on speaker. 39...
50531,166,8,6,When did you start being able to do stuff like this?
50532,166,8,6,"A few months ago, you had to catch your breath after making a sandwich."
50533,166,8,6,"Barney, delete the Robin and Patrice's BFF Fun Day invite!"
50534,166,8,6,Did you break up with Nick yet?
50535,166,8,6,I can't! He just got some horrible call.
50536,166,8,6,I think a family member might have died or something.
50537,166,8,6,Oh! Yes! Yes!
50538,166,8,6,Yes! Yes! Yes!
50539,166,8,6,"I mean, good that Robin can't dump him."
50540,166,8,6,"The death part, less good."
50541,166,8,6,"Robin, if you dump Nick, he could get mad and tear your blouse off."
50542,166,8,6,"And then he bites you on the neck, not super hard, just on the brink between pleasure and pain."
50543,166,8,6,And then that Danish slut Nadia bursts in...
50544,166,8,6,"You can't wait. His groin will heal and then before you know it, you'll be marrying a man who once ate a vanilla-scented candle!"
50545,166,8,6,That was on me.
50546,166,8,6,I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen.
50547,166,8,6,"Though, it was lit. Man, he dumb."
50548,166,8,6,The invite goes live in five minutes.
50549,166,8,6,What?!
50550,166,8,6,"It goes out automatically unless I stop it, and that only happens if I hear you dump Nick on speakerphone before then."
50551,166,8,6,Fine.
50552,166,8,6,"Hey, Nick. I'm sorry about that."
50553,166,8,6,"Um, listen, there's something I need to talk to you about."
50554,166,8,6,"No, Robin, I'm sorry. I'm like half here."
50555,166,8,6,"That phone call, it just..."
50556,166,8,6,I got some really bad news.
50557,166,8,6,My doctor did an MRI... and...
50558,166,8,6,"Oh... Oh, God. What, what is it?"
50559,166,8,6,My groin injury is worse than they thought.
50560,166,8,6,I can't play basketball for weeks.
50561,166,8,6,Thank God. I thought he was dying or something.
50562,166,8,6,How many weeks? How many weeks?!
50563,166,8,6,Please tell me it's not a tear in the iliolumbar ligament.
50564,166,8,6,"It's a tear in the ""libioflumflar linament."""
50565,166,8,6,"If it's a small tear, he can still make playoffs."
50566,166,8,6,It's a big tear.
50567,166,8,6,He better not be out for the season.
50568,166,8,6,I'm out for the season. Damn it!
50569,166,8,6,They're going up against The Number Crunchers without me.
50570,166,8,6,It's an after-work basketball league for lawyers and accountants and architects who sew.
50571,166,8,6,"I mean, who takes it that seriously?"
50572,166,8,6,No...!
50573,166,8,6,I just hate letting Coach Eriksen down.
50574,166,8,6,I would follow that man through the gates of hell!
50575,166,8,6,Winning.
50576,166,8,6,What do we win when we beat those Number Crunchers a few short weeks hence?
50577,166,8,6,A game? Sure.
50578,166,8,6,A trophy? Sort of.
50579,166,8,6,"We win a $25 gift card to Bennigan's, but what is it that we really win?"
50580,166,8,6,The game!
50581,166,8,6,"Yes, I said that Nick."
50582,166,8,6,Right.
50583,166,8,6,But we also win the right to walk tall.
50584,166,8,6,Oh!
50585,166,8,6,The right to call ourselves champions.
50586,166,8,6,Yeah. So we are gonna go out and we are gonna wipe the floor with those accountants!
50587,166,8,6,"And afterwards, we will feast like kings on Southwest Fajitas and Cajun shrimp!"
50588,166,8,6,"And that check, that check will be marginally less expensive!"
50589,166,8,6,Yeah! Yeah!
50590,166,8,6,"Now, they're probably gonna have to pay full price for that meal."
50591,166,8,6,(sighs)
50592,166,8,6,"Nick, you are so sweet, but I just..."
50593,166,8,6,"Good news is it doesn't really matter if it takes my groin pull a little longer to heal, so I may as well start having s*x again."
50594,166,8,6,Listening.
50595,166,8,6,Sickening.
50596,166,8,6,Exiting.
50597,166,8,6,Nick... Huh?
50598,166,8,6,I just...
50599,166,8,6,Ah... I...
50600,166,8,6,Hmm? Um...
50601,166,8,6,Mm-hmm?
50602,166,8,6,Oh...
50603,166,8,6,What do you think?
50604,166,8,6,(moans)
50605,166,8,6,I think I am suddenly in the mood for something hot.
50606,166,8,6,I see. Sounds like I should order some cappuccinos.
50607,166,8,6,Don't talk till tomorrow morning.
50608,166,8,6,"She can't go home with you, Nick."
50609,166,8,6,Barney? Why not?
50610,166,8,6,Because Robin and I are in love.
50611,166,8,6,"Barney, what are you doing here?"
50612,166,8,6,Taking care of something you clearly can't do on your own.
50613,166,8,6,"I'm sorry, but you and Robin are done."
50614,166,8,6,"What? Robin, what is this?"
50615,166,8,6,"Barney, look, I-I know what you're doing, okay?"
50616,166,8,6,Please stop.
50617,166,8,6,"Robin doesn't want to hurt your feelings because you're a nice guy, but she thinks you're stupid and she hates you."
50618,166,8,6,You're welcome.
50619,166,8,6,Stop doing this.
50620,166,8,6,"I love her, Nick."
50621,166,8,6,"Look, he doesn't love me."
50622,166,8,6,He's just saying this because...
50623,166,8,6,"I love everything about her, and I'm not a guy who says that lightly."
50624,166,8,6,I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life.
50625,166,8,6,"I thought love was just something idiots thought they felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to, and there have been times that I wanted to."
50626,166,8,6,"It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing."
50627,166,8,6,"I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her."
50628,166,8,6,More than she knows.
50629,166,8,6,"Robin, is this true?"
50630,166,8,6,You heard him.
50631,166,8,6,"(voice breaking): Oh, wow, it feels like I have a pulled groin muscle in my heart."
50632,166,8,6,"Nick, I-I'm so sorry."
50633,166,8,6,(sobbing) I just think that maybe...
50634,166,8,6,(sobbing): Pardon me.
50635,166,8,6,But did you just also get your heart broken?
50636,166,8,6,Yes.
50637,166,8,6,"(sobbing): I just got my heart broken, too!"
50638,166,8,6,"Well, do the... the two of you..."
50639,166,8,6,...want to come back to my place?
50640,166,8,6,Yes. Yes. Come on.
50641,166,8,6,
50642,166,8,6,"Narrator: Thus concluded the Autumn of Breakups,"
50643,166,8,6,Wow.
50644,166,8,6,"Crazy, right? LILY: Yeah, you know what would be really crazy?"
50645,166,8,6,"If all of 'em got it on-- Barney, Robin, Nick, and those two women, and you just know Nadia's watching in the corner with her pet snake."
50646,166,8,6,"Okay, why aren't you two having s*x?"
50647,166,8,6,What?
50648,166,8,6,Excuse me?
50649,166,8,6,"Lily has been slobbering over Robin's s*x life like a cartoon hobo watching a pie cool on a windowsill, and you--"
50650,166,8,6,the only other time you've ever exercised this seriously was when Lily had mono freshman year and I caught you doing one-armed push-ups with your genitals over a bowl of ice.
50651,166,8,6,"So, when did you stop doing it and why?"
50652,166,8,6,"It was, you know, before Marvin was born."
50653,166,8,6,What? Th-That's insane.
50654,166,8,6,"Well, you have to wait a while after having a kid, and, and then you're exhausted from being up all night."
50655,166,8,6,And then this uncanny phenomenon began.
50656,166,8,6,(Marvin crying over monitor)
50657,166,8,6,(crying stops)
50658,166,8,6,(crying resumes)
50659,166,8,6,(crying stops)
50660,166,8,6,(staccato crying)
50661,166,8,6,"Wow, you guys got to fix this."
50662,166,8,6,It's not that easy.
50663,166,8,6,(Marvin crying)
50664,166,8,6,"Ted, having a kid changes things."
50665,166,8,6,"You don't have the time or energy, you're never alone."
50666,166,8,6,Come here.
50667,166,8,6,What are you doing?
50668,166,8,6,Taking Marvin for a walk so you guys can have some privacy.
50669,166,8,6,"Oh, Ted, come on, that's, that's just not the way that it works."
50670,166,8,6,"Yeah, it's not like we can have s*x on cue."
50671,166,8,6,"Yeah, I'll give you guys plenty of time."
50672,166,8,6,"Maybe I'll even swing by the gym, show Marvin where his Uncle Ted made ""the shot."""
50673,166,8,6,"If I'm late, it's 'cause I've been delayed by autograph seekers."
50674,166,8,6,"Oh, forgot Marvin's diaper bag."
50675,166,8,6,Yowza!
50676,166,8,6,Okay.
50677,166,8,6,And the Oscar for Best Fake Romantic Speech goes to Barney Stinson.
50678,166,8,6,"I'd like to thank all the ladies over the years with whom I've practiced fake romantic speeches and, of course, Robin Scherbatsky for being so hypnotized by hog that she needed me to come and save her."
50679,166,8,6,You know what? I didn't need your help.
50680,166,8,6,You were this close to ripping off his misbuttoned shirt and pulling down his inside-out underpants.
50681,166,8,6,"I'll give you this, you were pretty convincing."
50682,166,8,6,"Hey, tricking good-looking idiots is kind of my thing."
50683,166,8,6,No.
50684,166,8,6,(chuckles)
50685,166,8,6,"I mean, you were really convincing."
50686,166,8,6,Please.
50687,166,8,6,I was bro-ing you out.
50688,166,8,6,I'm just glad he bought it so quick.
50689,166,8,6,"Any longer, I'd have had to kiss you."
50690,166,8,6,(phone rings)
50691,166,8,6,(sighs)
50692,166,8,6,Hello.
50693,166,8,6,"PATRICE: Whoo, oh, my God, Robin, BFF Fun Day!"
50694,166,8,6,That's the most amazing thing ever.
50695,166,8,6,"Like, you totally read my mind... Hey, Patrice."
50696,166,8,6,"Oh, you got the invite, great."
50697,166,8,6,"Uh, yeah, uh, let me call you back."
50698,166,8,6,"This is so fantastic, I can't even catch my breath."
50699,166,8,6,"Mm-hmm, yeah."
50700,166,8,6,"Yeah, yeah, yeah!"
50701,166,8,6,You know what I forgot to do?
50702,166,8,6,"(""Signed, Sealed, Delivered"" by Stevie Wonder playing)"
50703,166,8,6,"♪ Like a fool, I went and stayed too long ♪♪ Now I'm wondering if your love's still strong ♪"
50704,166,8,6,"♪ Ooh, baby, here I am"
50705,166,8,6,"♪ Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours. ♪"
50706,166,8,6,"Hey, T-Squares."
50707,166,8,6,"Well, bad news."
50708,166,8,6,Heard back from the league office.
50709,166,8,6,My shot is not going to count.
50710,166,8,6,"But onwards and upwards, right?"
50711,166,8,6,(chuckles)
50712,166,8,6,"What do you cats want to rap about, huh?"
50713,166,8,6,"Listen, Coach... you're great."
50714,166,8,6,And we all really want to stay friends.
50715,166,8,6,"I can change, I can..."
50716,166,8,6,"Come on, we, we had some good times."
50717,166,8,6,Things have been weird lately and...
50718,167,8,7,"Guys, I'm going through something kinda hard."
50719,167,8,7,"Since Quinn and I broke up, she's gone back to dancing at The Lusty Leopard, and it's just really  tough because... 'Cause you have to find a new strip club?"
50720,167,8,7,I have to find a new strip club!
50721,167,8,7,I've been going to The Lusty Leopard for seven years.
50722,167,8,7,Wow. That's like
50723,167,8,7,49 in perv years.
50724,167,8,7,Sixty-nine. Self-five.
50725,167,8,7,"Look... without my open wallet, The Lusty Leopard would be nothing."
50726,167,8,7,"Thanks to me, they've been able to expand and take over that soup kitchen next door."
50727,167,8,7,"Now I'm a free agent, and all the strip clubs are after me."
50728,167,8,7,"Mr. Stinson, we might not have the best strippers at Moneyballs, but we use sabermetrics to get you a stripper with a five body, sure, and another with a butter face, but together, with their tireless grinding, we guarantee a high on-pants percentage."
50729,167,8,7,"I gotta be honest with you, Fred, I can't really see myself signing with the Golden Oldies."
50730,167,8,7,"Well, that's what everyone says... at first."
50731,167,8,7,But our GILFs have got class.
50732,167,8,7,"They've got maturity and experience, and the kind of mind-blowing flexibility that only comes from advanced hip dysplasia."
50733,167,8,7,"Barney, the Lusty Leopard would be lost without you."
50734,167,8,7,I think you're really gonna like a couple of the girls we just pulled up from the minors.
50735,167,8,7,Don't leave us!
50736,167,8,7,"Wow, you're like the LeBron James of strip clubs."
50737,167,8,7,"Actually, you're probably tied with LeBron James for that title."
50738,167,8,7,(scoffs) LeBron isn't all that.
50739,167,8,7,The Cavs are doing great without him.
50740,167,8,7,Yeah!
50741,167,8,7,"Hey, guys, you will never believe who I ran into outside of work today."
50742,167,8,7,"It wasn't the guy handing out coupons in the hot dog costume, was it?"
50743,167,8,7,"Baby, there's no reason to be scared of him."
50744,167,8,7,I'm not scared of him.
50745,167,8,7,It's totally normal to see a hot dog with a face.
50746,167,8,7,"No, it was Brad, my old law school buddy."
50747,167,8,7,I almost didn't recognize him.
50748,167,8,7,Marshall?
50749,167,8,7,Brad?!
50750,167,8,7,Bro!
50751,167,8,7,"Oh, hey!"
50752,167,8,7,What a kick-ass day!
50753,167,8,7,"I run into you, some sucker throws away most of a perfectly good hot dog..."
50754,167,8,7,...kick-ass day!
50755,167,8,7,You still doing corporate law?
50756,167,8,7,I got downsized two years ago.
50757,167,8,7,It's been rough.
50758,167,8,7,Going through a little bit of a depresh.
50759,167,8,7,"But just today, boom!"
50760,167,8,7,Huge job prospect.
50761,167,8,7,Here's your application.
50762,167,8,7,Just tell them I sent you.
50763,167,8,7,I bet you could fit in the bratwurst.
50764,167,8,7,Bratwurst with a face.
50765,167,8,7,What'd I tell you?
50766,167,8,7,Looks like I'm about to be on a roll.
50767,167,8,7,Sounds like that guy could use some help.
50768,167,8,7,I know! That's why I said...
50769,167,8,7,"You know, I'm at Honeywell & Cootes, and they're looking to hire an associate."
50770,167,8,7,I could totally recommend you.
50771,167,8,7,(all groan)
50772,167,8,7,Leave the wounded behind!
50773,167,8,7,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x07 ♪
50774,167,8,7,The Stamp Tramp
50775,167,8,7,"Original Air Date on November 19, 2012"
50776,167,8,7,'Cause Brad is an old friend who needs a job.
50777,167,8,7,Why shouldn't I give him the old Marshall Eriksen Stamp of Approval?
50778,167,8,7,"Marshall, you're a stamp tramp."
50779,167,8,7,How dare you!
50780,167,8,7,And what is that?!
50781,167,8,7,You give your stamp of approval to everything.
50782,167,8,7,It's become meaningless.
50783,167,8,7,It's like when my mom likes a movie.
50784,167,8,7,It just means Richard Dreyfuss is in it.
50785,167,8,7,"Marshall, you love everything and everyone."
50786,167,8,7,"It's-It's what I love about you, but it's also why your stamps are total crap."
50787,167,8,7,Give me one example.
50788,167,8,7,How about when you turned your boss into a fountain of bodily fluids?
50789,167,8,7,You guys like it?
50790,167,8,7,"I'll be waiting for you in hell, Eriksen."
50791,167,8,7,(vomits)
50792,167,8,7,(all groaning with disgust)
50793,167,8,7,"In my defense, that restaurant's health rating had just gone from an ""F"" to a ""D,"" and I wanted to reward that."
50794,167,8,7,"Marshall, you're already on thin ice with that horrible Honeywell guy."
50795,167,8,7,Don't risk screwing things up more right before your biggest case ever.
50796,167,8,7,"Okay, Honeywell is not horrible, he just has a bad temper sometimes."
50797,167,8,7,And he holds a grudge.
50798,167,8,7,He's kind of defensive about his height.
50799,167,8,7,And he's cheap.
50800,167,8,7,And he made those secretaries cry.
50801,167,8,7,"But, deep down, he is a great guy."
50802,167,8,7,"Heck, he gets my stamp, too."
50803,167,8,7,Stamp tramp.
50804,167,8,7,"Well, maybe this isn't the moment to stick your neck out for Brad."
50805,167,8,7,"Well, that's not how I was raised."
50806,167,8,7,"Back in St. Cloud, we believe in people, people like Gudren Olsen, the town wino who became our mayor."
50807,167,8,7,They even wound up naming a bridge after him.
50808,167,8,7,The one he drove off.
50809,167,8,7,"Marshall, why can't you be more like your wife?"
50810,167,8,7,Lily's stamp is gold.
50811,167,8,7,I'm reading this book because of her.
50812,167,8,7,(bell dings)
50813,167,8,7,I'm drinking this beer because she recommended it.
50814,167,8,7,(bell dings)
50815,167,8,7,I'm even wearing this bra because of a lingerie store Lily told me about.
50816,167,8,7,(bell dings twice)
50817,167,8,7,"Uh, if anyone's got the golden stamp, it's old Teddy Westside over here."
50818,167,8,7,Please. You're a piggyback stamper.
50819,167,8,7,How dare you!
50820,167,8,7,And what is that?!
50821,167,8,7,Allow us to demonstrate. Lily?
50822,167,8,7,"Hey, guys, I just found a great new sushi restaurant."
50823,167,8,7,It's called Katsu...
50824,167,8,7,...yoku. Katsuyoku.
50825,167,8,7,My idea. I'm Ted.
50826,167,8,7,Nailed it. Totally.
50827,167,8,7,"Okay, Ted, name one cool thing you've given your stamp to first... Dr. Berkowitz."
50828,167,8,7,"...that isn't an ear, nose and throat doctor."
50829,167,8,7,"Man, these strip clubs want me so bad."
50830,167,8,7,"They're sending me T-shirts, beer cozies."
50831,167,8,7,Sticky's even sent me a boob-shaped hand-sanitizer dispenser.
50832,167,8,7,It's clean and dirty at the same time.
50833,167,8,7,That's it? T-shirts and beer cozies?
50834,167,8,7,"That's disrespect, son!"
50835,167,8,7,Here's what you do: hit a few strip clubs in Jersey and Long Island.
50836,167,8,7,Jersey? Long Island?
50837,167,8,7,Why would I go to a Third World nation to get my knob wobbled?
50838,167,8,7,"Well, you wouldn't."
50839,167,8,7,"But when the clubs in the city hear you're sniffing around across the river, those beer cozies and T-shirts turn into Rolexes and fur coats."
50840,167,8,7,"Especially from that strip club, Fur Coats."
50841,167,8,7,Wow. That's genius.
50842,167,8,7,You're hired.
50843,167,8,7,What do you mean?
50844,167,8,7,I want you to be my strip club agent.
50845,167,8,7,What is wrong with you?
50846,167,8,7,"Well, I just figured I'd ask--"
50847,167,8,7,"No, I was talking to myself, because, for some reason, I really want to do that!"
50848,167,8,7,(laughs)
50849,167,8,7,Oh! Oh! What am I wearing?
50850,167,8,7,"Just proof of a stamp I know I gave first, from a little band called..."
50851,167,8,7,Dishwalla.
50852,167,8,7,Who?
50853,167,8,7,Dishwalla! Come on!
50854,167,8,7,"They had that whole, ""Tell Me All Your Thoughts on God"" song."
50855,167,8,7,All: Oh...
50856,167,8,7,"Look, I'm not saying they're my favorite band, but for a little while in college, we were all into that song, and it was all thanks to me."
50857,167,8,7,But I turned you on to Dishwalla.
50858,167,8,7,No way! I played them on my radio show.
50859,167,8,7,"I mean, pirate DJ Dr. X played them on his beloved radio show."
50860,167,8,7,"We all know you were Dr. X, Ted!"
50861,167,8,7,And I'm the one who got us into that song.
50862,167,8,7,"No! No! On his beloved radio show, Dr. X pointed out that the chorus went, ""Tell me all your thoughts on God"""
50863,167,8,7,♪ 'Cause I really want to meet her. ♪
50864,167,8,7,Her. God's a woman.
50865,167,8,7,(mimics explosion)
50866,167,8,7,And it blew the minds of everyone listening to Dr. X that night.
50867,167,8,7,Which was pretty much everyone on campus... including me.
50868,167,8,7,I'm not Dr. X.
50869,167,8,7,"Oh, so you're saying credit for the stamp goes to Dr. X then, not you."
50870,167,8,7,(exhales)
50871,167,8,7,Okay... I'm gonna tell you guys something right now.
50872,167,8,7,Take a sip. Follow my lead.
50873,167,8,7,(exhales)
50874,167,8,7,I'm Dr. X.
50875,167,8,7,All: No!
50876,167,8,7,"I hope this works out, bro."
50877,167,8,7,I couldn't even get my leg in that bratwurst outfit.
50878,167,8,7,Don't be nervous. Honeywell is gonna love you.
50879,167,8,7,Sweet! Freebie muff-tops!
50880,167,8,7,Can I pour you a pocket of coffee?
50881,167,8,7,I didn't say you were fat.
50882,167,8,7,I said that dress makes you look fat! Idiot!
50883,167,8,7,Hey! You must be Brad!
50884,167,8,7,I'm excited to meet the man Eriksen's been talking up all week.
50885,167,8,7,"Mr. Honeywell, I have to say, your environmental work is amazing."
50886,167,8,7,(bell dings)
50887,167,8,7,"Come on, it's not like I'm saving the world."
50888,167,8,7,"Oh, wait, yes, I am!"
50889,167,8,7,(both laugh)
50890,167,8,7,Great.
50891,167,8,7,Marshall tells me you have the big Gruber Pharmaceutical trial coming up.
50892,167,8,7,"I'd love to give you my thoughts on the case, but I can't take full credit."
50893,167,8,7,Most of these are from my psychic.
50894,167,8,7,My psychic always pushes for a settlement.
50895,167,8,7,But my numerologist says roll the dice with the jury.
50896,167,8,7,"I'm waiting for my astrologist to weigh in, but he can be kind of flaky."
50897,167,8,7,"You know, Cancer."
50898,167,8,7,Should know more after he's back from chemo.
50899,167,8,7,(bell dings)
50900,167,8,7,"Good luck, bro!"
50901,167,8,7,You know the best part about you challenging me on Dishwalla?
50902,167,8,7,"Didn't challenge you, don't care. It made me dig up my old video diaries from freshman year."
50903,167,8,7,And somewhere in here there's gonna be proof that I am not a piggyback stamper.
50904,167,8,7,I have my own original ideas.
50905,167,8,7,Didn't you only do the video diaries because of Winona Ryder in Reality Bites?
50906,167,8,7,No.
50907,167,8,7,I don't know what you're talk-- shut up.
50908,167,8,7,Let's just watch.
50909,167,8,7,How do you even know there's gonna be mention of Dishwalla on those tapes? I don't.
50910,167,8,7,"And it may take me days to go through them all, but that is how committed I am to the truth."
50911,167,8,7,"Lily: Hey, you guys should check out that song by the band Dishwalla."
50912,167,8,7,Ted: Really? I've never heard of them.
50913,167,8,7,Damn it!
50914,167,8,7,So?
50915,167,8,7,"Bottom line, Vito: a lot of strip clubs are into my client."
50916,167,8,7,"If you want the Melon Patch to be in the mix, we're gonna need bigger melons and smaller patches."
50917,167,8,7,"Otherwise, your establishment is not where Barney Stinson is gonna pitch his tent."
50918,167,8,7,(chuckles)
50919,167,8,7,"B-Dawg, Barn Door, Stinson-natti, Bro-hio!"
50920,167,8,7,Talk to me. How's it hangin'?
50921,167,8,7,You are killing it at this agent thing!
50922,167,8,7,I just got a big box at Yankee Stadium from the ladies at The Big Box.
50923,167,8,7,Mm-hmm.
50924,167,8,7,One question: Golden Oldies just sent me a fax machine and a Charo calendar.
50925,167,8,7,Mm-hmm. Aren't they out of the running?
50926,167,8,7,"Yeah, but those old bitches don't need to know that."
50927,167,8,7,"Yeah, I just feel kind of bad."
50928,167,8,7,They just spent eight grand on that wheelchair ramp up to the stage.
50929,167,8,7,"Hey, Larry, how's everything at the Beaver Dam?"
50930,167,8,7,I don't even know that strip club.
50931,167,8,7,"Oh, it's not a club."
50932,167,8,7,My cousin Larry is a forest ranger in Squamish.
50933,167,8,7,"Oh, yeah?"
50934,167,8,7,Then I was fired from Bed Bath & Beyond for telling inappropriate jokes.
50935,167,8,7,"I mean... get a sense of humor, LaShonda."
50936,167,8,7,"You know how ""they"" are. ""They"" meaning Bed Bath"
50937,167,8,7,"& Beyond employees, right?"
50938,167,8,7,Hmm?
50939,167,8,7,No. Women.
50940,167,8,7,That still could have been worse.
50941,167,8,7,Thank God I ran into Marshall.
50942,167,8,7,This guy's supportive as balls.
50943,167,8,7,And here I am.
50944,167,8,7,"Yes, we both owe Marshall a debt of gratitude for getting you this interview."
50945,167,8,7,Eriksen... can I see you outside? Sure.
50946,167,8,7,Good. Try to stay out there a few minutes.
50947,167,8,7,"I just cut one, and I can tell it's gonna be a slow burn."
50948,167,8,7,(clears throat)
50949,167,8,7,Ted: What is Generation X?
50950,167,8,7,"What does the X in ""Generation X"" stand for?"
50951,167,8,7,What do we stand for?
50952,167,8,7,Why aren't people on campus talking about this?
50953,167,8,7,Maybe you should do a radio show and call yourself Dr. X.
50954,167,8,7,(laughing)
50955,167,8,7,I just had an amazing idea.
50956,167,8,7,(groans)
50957,167,8,7,Just turn it off!
50958,167,8,7,I can't look away.
50959,167,8,7,"Oh, God, no."
50960,167,8,7,"Oh, God, I'm putting on a beret."
50961,167,8,7,You were there.
50962,167,8,7,Why didn't you tell me that looked stupid?
50963,167,8,7,"Lily: Ted, that beret looks stupid."
50964,167,8,7,TED (French accent): I look magnifique !
50965,167,8,7,"Marshall, that man is the human equivalent of what came out of my body after eating that soup you recommended!"
50966,167,8,7,This guy's your friend?
50967,167,8,7,Really more of an acquaintance than a friend.
50968,167,8,7,
50969,167,8,7,(bell dings)
50970,167,8,7,No backpedaling.
50971,167,8,7,You're Marshall Eriksen.
50972,167,8,7,You believe in people.
50973,167,8,7,You know what Brad hasn't told you?
50974,167,8,7,He was third in our class at Columbia.
50975,167,8,7,That is impressive.
50976,167,8,7,And I suppose he did warn us about the fart.
50977,167,8,7,He's a great guy.
50978,167,8,7,Please... give him just one more chance.
50979,167,8,7,Two more minutes.
50980,167,8,7,(bell dings)
50981,167,8,7,I'm proud of you.
50982,167,8,7,I'm proud of you for being proud of me.
50983,167,8,7,(light ding)
50984,167,8,7,You went undergrad to Holy Cross?
50985,167,8,7,That's my alma mater.
50986,167,8,7,I went there on a basketball scholarship.
50987,167,8,7,No way. I played center.
50988,167,8,7,(scoffs)
50989,167,8,7,Uh-oh.
50990,167,8,7,"Why is that so shocking? 'Cause you're, like, an itty-bitty fella."
50991,167,8,7,"Hey, uh, fish, huh?"
50992,167,8,7,"Fish are crazy, right?"
50993,167,8,7,You guys ever think about fish?
50994,167,8,7,"I am six-foot one, sir."
50995,167,8,7,"Bro, I'm at least a foot taller than you."
50996,167,8,7,"Well, then I guess that makes you a freakish seven-foot one."
50997,167,8,7,"What do you call fish with no eyes? ""Fsh."""
50998,167,8,7,"I am six-feet and one inch, and I'll prove it."
50999,167,8,7,(snaps fingers)
51000,167,8,7,Eriksen.
51001,167,8,7,How tall are you?
51002,167,8,7,Seven feet.
51003,167,8,7,"So, we've got a deal somewhere?"
51004,167,8,7,We sure do.
51005,167,8,7,You are the new face of--
51006,167,8,7,and exclusive customer to...
51007,167,8,7,Golden Oldies!
51008,167,8,7,What?!
51009,167,8,7,I thought we ruled them out!
51010,167,8,7,(high-pitched): I don't remember that!
51011,167,8,7,"Now let's go. It is 4:00, and their dinner show starts in ten minutes."
51012,167,8,7,Wait a minute.
51013,167,8,7,Oh...
51014,167,8,7,Is that a Rolex?
51015,167,8,7,Huh. What do you know?
51016,167,8,7,How did that get there?
51017,167,8,7,"Anyway, uh, so initial here and..."
51018,167,8,7,"Where'd you get the bling, Robin?"
51019,167,8,7,Uh...
51020,167,8,7,They bribed you.
51021,167,8,7,They bribed you!
51022,167,8,7,Why else would you pick a place where the strippers say they're trying to put their grandkids through college?!
51023,167,8,7,Please leave!
51024,167,8,7,"Barney, I can explain, okay?"
51025,167,8,7,Please... leave.
51026,167,8,7,"Say it, you giant beast! Say I'm six-one!"
51027,167,8,7,Maybe if you stood on top of that pot of gold you have at the end of your rainbow.
51028,167,8,7,You know something?!
51029,167,8,7,You're nothing but a... a tree man!
51030,167,8,7,"I never want to see you again, tree man!"
51031,167,8,7,Fine.
51032,167,8,7,I have to go to the little boys' room.
51033,167,8,7,Not your office.
51034,167,8,7,I need to take a dump.
51035,167,8,7,"If that's the type of guy you vouch for, I can't trust your judgment."
51036,167,8,7,You're off the Gruber Pharmaceutical case.
51037,167,8,7,No...
51038,167,8,7,"Oh, good, we're up to the time I got my ear pierced."
51039,167,8,7,"(on video): Do it, do it, do it, do it."
51040,167,8,7,"Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't, don't."
51041,167,8,7,"Okay, do it now. Do, do, do it, do it."
51042,167,8,7,"Don't, don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it!"
51043,167,8,7,"Don't! Yes, you can do this. You can..."
51044,167,8,7,That goes on for 45 minutes.
51045,167,8,7,"Hey... how was work, baby?"
51046,167,8,7,Remember how I always wanted to know what it was like to be a ghost?
51047,167,8,7,"Well, I don't want that anymore."
51048,167,8,7,"Okay, suppose we lead with the carbon testing of the residue water."
51049,167,8,7,How do we keep the jury engaged? Anyone?
51050,167,8,7,You could bring up the survey from Dr. Pasquesi's testimony.
51051,167,8,7,Anyone?
51052,167,8,7,Anyone who isn't dead to me?
51053,167,8,7,Then you have to earn Honeywell's trust back.
51054,167,8,7,Just start small.
51055,167,8,7,Put your stamp on little things that have nothing to do with work.
51056,167,8,7,Like a funny video.
51057,167,8,7,"I, uh, I may have something."
51058,167,8,7,"Ted: Don't think, Mosby! Do it now! Oh, my God, I'm doing it!"
51059,167,8,7,"Wow, he's a real bleeder!"
51060,167,8,7,(bell dings)
51061,167,8,7,"Lily: And then you build to something else small, like a tasty snack."
51062,167,8,7,Don't sleep on the popcorn.
51063,167,8,7,Try mixing the caramel and the cheese.
51064,167,8,7,"It shouldn't work, but... it... does."
51065,167,8,7,There's no way caramel and cheese... That's good!
51066,167,8,7,That is good. Oh!
51067,167,8,7,(bell dings)
51068,167,8,7,"Lily: And when Honeywell starts trusting your stamp again, he'll seek out your opinion on things."
51069,167,8,7,"Be honest, Eriksen."
51070,167,8,7,Is this deep-V working?
51071,167,8,7,And that's when you lie your ass off.
51072,167,8,7,Sir...
51073,167,8,7,I think you could go even deeper.
51074,167,8,7,(bell dings)
51075,167,8,7,And before you know it...
51076,167,8,7,"Eriksen, get in here."
51077,167,8,7,...you're back on the case.
51078,167,8,7,"Ted, why are you torturing yourself?"
51079,167,8,7,None of us were our best in college.
51080,167,8,7,"Oh, my God, I love my hair there!"
51081,167,8,7,I always thought I was this kid from suburban Ohio who had this innate sense of judgment and taste and just showed up to college and wowed everyone.
51082,167,8,7,Now I have concrete proof that I wasn't.
51083,167,8,7,I was a total gomer.
51084,167,8,7,Maybe I still am.
51085,167,8,7,Wait-- that's the giant suit Marshall wore on our third date.
51086,167,8,7,TED (on video): So...
51087,167,8,7,"Marshall Eriksen, you just came back from your third date with Lily."
51088,167,8,7,How was it?
51089,167,8,7,"Great, yeah."
51090,167,8,7,I just... I think I'm falling for this girl pretty hard.
51091,167,8,7,But is everything happening too fast?
51092,167,8,7,"I mean, maybe I should see other people."
51093,167,8,7,"Whoa, dude, no!"
51094,167,8,7,Lily Aldrin is special. You hold on to that girl.
51095,167,8,7,Marshall: She is.
51096,167,8,7,I'm only 18 and...
51097,167,8,7,"Marshall, you being 18"
51098,167,8,7,isn't a bad thing.
51099,167,8,7,It just means you get to spend even more of your life with her.
51100,167,8,7,"I mean, I'm probably not gonna meet my wife until I'm, like, 23."
51101,167,8,7,You're right.
51102,167,8,7,What am I thinking?
51103,167,8,7,I'm in love with this girl.
51104,167,8,7,"Ted, oh, my God."
51105,167,8,7,You gave me the ultimate stamp.
51106,167,8,7,"And in my whole life, this life... it all goes back to that moment."
51107,167,8,7,"TED (on video): I mean, maybe take a month off, bang a couple chicks."
51108,167,8,7,Lily's not going anywhere.
51109,167,8,7,"Hey, Barney. Hey."
51110,167,8,7,"Um, look, I'm sorry about the whole skimming-off-the-top-"
51111,167,8,7,of-the-strip-club-swag thing.
51112,167,8,7,"Hey, it happens to everybody."
51113,167,8,7,"Really? Because even as I said those words, they did not feel like a real thing."
51114,167,8,7,"Hey, look, wherever you end up, can I have the dubious honor of buying you your first lap dance?"
51115,167,8,7,It's a date.
51116,167,8,7,"Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for ""The Decision."""
51117,167,8,7,(boombox plays fanfare)
51118,167,8,7,Yeah.
51119,167,8,7,"Ladies, my bro-dium?"
51120,167,8,7,Yeah. (chuckles)
51121,167,8,7,Look at this!
51122,167,8,7,"Man, this whole free agent experience, it's been an unbelievable experience, a real humbling experience."
51123,167,8,7,"First of all, The Lusty Leopard is where I developed my game."
51124,167,8,7,Oh...
51125,167,8,7,(voice breaks): I have nothing but the utmost respect for you skanks.
51126,167,8,7,He's just gonna stay at The Lusty Leopard.
51127,167,8,7,They have loyalty and heart.
51128,167,8,7,I bet you he rewards that.
51129,167,8,7,"LeBron moved on, Ted. So should you."
51130,167,8,7,But Barney Stinson has to do what's right for Barney Stinson's pen1s.
51131,167,8,7,In this fall... This is tough.
51132,167,8,7,Um... in this fall I'm going to take my talents to Mouth Beach.
51133,167,8,7,"Narrator: The next day, Uncle Marshall went to court for the biggest case of his life."
51134,167,8,7,"Hey, Marshall! Bilbo!"
51135,167,8,7,Brad? What are you...?
51136,167,8,7,Did you just get hired by Gruber Pharmaceutical's legal team?
51137,167,8,7,"Oh, not just."
51138,167,8,7,I've been working for them for two years.
51139,167,8,7,"I heard about the job opening at Honeywell & Cootes and knew that if I hung out in front of your office and pretended to be down on my luck, you'd take pity on me, get me an interview..."
51140,167,8,7,Try to stay out there a few minutes.
51141,167,8,7,"I just cut one, and I can tell it's gonna be a slow burn."
51142,167,8,7,...and buy some alone time in the conference room.
51143,167,8,7,I got your firm's strategy for the case.
51144,167,8,7,"Muchas gracias, bro-migo."
51145,167,8,7,He's really more of an acquaintance than a bro-migo.
51146,167,8,7,"Win this case or you're fired, Eriksen."
51147,167,8,7,Narrator: And so began the trial that would change the course of Marshall's career.
51148,167,8,7,But we'll get to that.
51149,167,8,7,"Oh, you see?! This is what I miss about being single: cutting loose at a strip club, drinkin' some beers, seein' some boobs, getting thrown out for being ""too handsy."""
51150,167,8,7,You were a little out of control tonight.
51151,167,8,7,"You know, I really thought that that bouncer was bluffing with the Taser."
51152,167,8,7,"Man, everything's gonna taste like pennies for a week."
51153,167,8,7,"I had a fun time tonight, though."
51154,167,8,7,"Me, too."
51155,167,8,7,I always have fun with you.
51156,167,8,7,(chuckles)
51157,167,8,7,"Whoa, whoa."
51158,167,8,7,I-I've got to... um...
51159,167,8,7,"We can't, we can't do this."
51160,167,8,7,(stammers)
51161,167,8,7,"This, this can't happen."
51162,168,8,8,"Narrator: Kids, this a story about the time your Uncle Marshall went before the New York State Judiciary Committee, a panel that would decide the fate of his career. He thought he'd open with an icebreaker."
51163,168,8,8,"By the way, did I mention those robes really do you all... justice?"
51164,168,8,8,I'm just saying that you're all guilty... of looking sharp.
51165,168,8,8,"Mr. Eriksen, please."
51166,168,8,8,"You're here to discuss your conduct in court during the week of November 19, 2012."
51167,168,8,8,"Of course, Your Honor."
51168,168,8,8,It all started when...
51169,168,8,8,"a so-called friend from law school conned me into believing that he needed my help getting a job, when in reality, he stole my firm's strategy for our upcoming trial against Gruber Pharmaceuticals, who'd been polluting a lake upstate."
51170,168,8,8,"Turns out, he was representing Gruber."
51171,168,8,8,"Win this case or you're fired, Eriksen."
51172,168,8,8,How could you trick me like that?
51173,168,8,8,This is the biggest trial in my career.
51174,168,8,8,"Mine too, brobeans."
51175,168,8,8,"When I win this trial, I'm gonna buy a new car."
51176,168,8,8,Thinking Lambo.
51177,168,8,8,"Awesome. I mean, no!"
51178,168,8,8,What happened to you?
51179,168,8,8,"You used to be, like, the nicest guy ever."
51180,168,8,8,We were bros.
51181,168,8,8,More than bros.
51182,168,8,8,We ate brunch together.
51183,168,8,8,And I'll always cherish that.
51184,168,8,8,"But after Kara broke my heart again for the millionth time, I said screw being nice, suited up and started lying to get what I want."
51185,168,8,8,That does happen.
51186,168,8,8,But you used to want to fight for the little guy.
51187,168,8,8,Little guys pay with little checks.
51188,168,8,8,But... you already know that.
51189,168,8,8,You're in environmental law.
51190,168,8,8,"Marshall, you have a kid."
51191,168,8,8,How are you gonna provide for the little dude's futche?
51192,168,8,8,I'm worried about Planet Earth's futche!
51193,168,8,8,That's why I'm gonna kick your ass in this trial.
51194,168,8,8,"Sure, you may have swiped our entire strategy for this case, but I still got some tricks up my sleeve that you know absolutely nothing about."
51195,168,8,8,Really?
51196,168,8,8,No.
51197,168,8,8,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x08 ♪
51198,168,8,8,Twelve Horny Women
51199,168,8,8,"Original Air Date on November 26, 2012"
51200,168,8,8,"Narrator: Kids, Robin and Barney had recently shared an awkward moment."
51201,168,8,8,"Whoa, whoa."
51202,168,8,8,"After that, they did what any two mature adults would do:"
51203,168,8,8,Hey!
51204,168,8,8,Hey!
51205,168,8,8,How are you?
51206,168,8,8,Great. You?
51207,168,8,8,"Good, so good."
51208,168,8,8,"Oh, great. Good to see you! You, too!"
51209,168,8,8,They pretended it never happened.
51210,168,8,8,"All right, guys, this is the biggest case of Marshall's career."
51211,168,8,8,"That is why it's so great that we all called in sick to work tomorrow, so we could be in that courtroom to support him."
51212,168,8,8,I didn't call in sick.
51213,168,8,8,I called in for all of us.
51214,168,8,8,"Uh, I have strep throat."
51215,168,8,8,"Robin, bronchitis."
51216,168,8,8,"Barney, massive hemorrhoids."
51217,168,8,8,"Why'd you have to say ""massive""?"
51218,168,8,8,"Well, if you're gonna miss work for hemorrhoids, they kind of have to be massive."
51219,168,8,8,I don't want to sit in a courtroom all day.
51220,168,8,8,I bet you don't want to sit anywhere with those hemorrhoids.
51221,168,8,8,I don't have... Shut up.
51222,168,8,8,(chuckles)
51223,168,8,8,"Look, you guys wouldn't understand, but when you have a rap sheet as long as mine, the last place you want to spend a day is in court."
51224,168,8,8,Rap sheet?
51225,168,8,8,That's right.
51226,168,8,8,"When I was a teenager, Lily, I was a total badass. Pfft."
51227,168,8,8,You want to talk about teenage badasses?
51228,168,8,8,I was like John Gotti in a training bra.
51229,168,8,8,(laughing)
51230,168,8,8,I'm serious.
51231,168,8,8,"In high school, before I started dating Scooter, even he was afraid of me."
51232,168,8,8,"(whistling ""The Farmer in the Dell"")"
51233,168,8,8,Lily coming!
51234,168,8,8,Lily coming!
51235,168,8,8,You look okay.
51236,168,8,8,Want to hang out?
51237,168,8,8,"Uh, my mom says I'm only allowed three friends, so..."
51238,168,8,8,"Your mom don't make the rules no more, Scooter."
51239,168,8,8,My name's Jeff.
51240,168,8,8,Not no more it ain't.
51241,168,8,8,The one part of that story I believe is that Scooter only had three friends.
51242,168,8,8,Ted: Ah!
51243,168,8,8,Here he is.
51244,168,8,8,"The pride of St. Cloud, the environmental lawyer we've come to know and love."
51245,168,8,8,He's mean. He's green.
51246,168,8,8,"He's not wearing the tie I bought him for the trial, but I'm not gonna mention it..."
51247,168,8,8,"Marshall ""I Was Gonna Say 'Nice Tie'"" Eriksen!"
51248,168,8,8,(cheers)
51249,168,8,8,"Robin: How you feeling, Counselor?"
51250,168,8,8,"Well, uh, I mean, at first that Brad thing had me rattled, but now I feel pretty good."
51251,168,8,8,"I mean, for one thing, I don't have massive hemorrhoids. Sorry, buddy."
51252,168,8,8,I don't have ma...
51253,168,8,8,"And more importantly, unlike Brad, I actually have something to fight for."
51254,168,8,8,"Pop, because of your precedent-setting legal victory 14 years ago, kids like me can fish in clean lakes all over the world."
51255,168,8,8,"They sure can, champ."
51256,168,8,8,Because when you do one good deed...
51257,168,8,8,(smacks lips)
51258,168,8,8,...it creates a ripple effect.
51259,168,8,8,One good deed leads to another and another.
51260,168,8,8,"Man, you're wise."
51261,168,8,8,That's probably why I never have felt the need to do drugs or rebel in any way.
51262,168,8,8,(laughs)
51263,168,8,8,Anyhoo...
51264,168,8,8,(sighs)
51265,168,8,8,"Narrator: The next day, we all headed down to court to support Uncle Marshall."
51266,168,8,8,Yeah.
51267,168,8,8,Want to know what I looked like at age 15?
51268,168,8,8,There it is.
51269,168,8,8,I don't get it. That guy wasn't masturbating.
51270,168,8,8,"Yeah, and the waistband of his undies wasn't pulled up to his Cub Scouts neckerchief."
51271,168,8,8,(chuckling)
51272,168,8,8,"Lily: Ted, you were never a badass."
51273,168,8,8,Au contraire.
51274,168,8,8,Off to a good start...
51275,168,8,8,I was locked up plenty of times as a teenager.
51276,168,8,8,Let's just say Johnny Law was not a fan of Teddy Westside.
51277,168,8,8,Make sure you get my good side...
51278,168,8,8,Princess.
51279,168,8,8,(camera shutter clicks)
51280,168,8,8,You guys want to talk about hassling the fuzz?
51281,168,8,8,"Finish that, Scoots."
51282,168,8,8,"Okay, let's see some IDs."
51283,168,8,8,"Scooter, do you smell bacon?"
51284,168,8,8,(laughs sinisterly)
51285,168,8,8,"Laugh, bitch."
51286,168,8,8,Ha!
51287,168,8,8,Ha ha!
51288,168,8,8,"ID now, both of you."
51289,168,8,8,(sighs)
51290,168,8,8,Which one of you is Yuki Hakutani?
51291,168,8,8,Right here.
51292,168,8,8,"So, Yuki, you're 6'1"" and you were born in 1947?"
51293,168,8,8,Congratulations. You can read.
51294,168,8,8,(screaming)
51295,168,8,8,Barney Stinson?
51296,168,8,8,"Well, if it isn't Warren Frankel."
51297,168,8,8,Bailiff
51298,168,8,8,"Warren Frankel, who knows me. FRANKEL: You know, I almost didn't recognize you without handcuffs on."
51299,168,8,8,"Yeah, I've matured quite a bit since the old days."
51300,168,8,8,"The only time I'm wearing handcuffs now is, uh, in the bedroom."
51301,168,8,8,Bondage. I get it.
51302,168,8,8,"Well, I have to run."
51303,168,8,8,Stay out of trouble.
51304,168,8,8,(chuckles)
51305,168,8,8,Badass.
51306,168,8,8,"In summary, I will prove that Gruber Pharmaceuticals wantonly and knowingly polluted Frog Lake and therefore must pay restitution of no less than $25 million."
51307,168,8,8,Thank you.
51308,168,8,8,How's this for a fact: Frog Lake is home to a buttload of frogs and birds.
51309,168,8,8,"If it's so polluted, why don't all those birds fly to a cleaner lake?"
51310,168,8,8,"And why don't the frogs just be like, ""Hey, birds, can I catch a ride, ribbit?"""
51311,168,8,8,(quietly): Marshall's gonna wipe the floor with this ding-dong.
51312,168,8,8,Oops.
51313,168,8,8,I seem to have dropped my pen.
51314,168,8,8,"Objection, Your Honor."
51315,168,8,8,Nobody needs this long to pick up a pen.
51316,168,8,8,I'll allow it.
51317,168,8,8,The biggest case of my life and I'd already lost the jury.
51318,168,8,8,"I mean, I've heard of Twelve Angry Men,"
51319,168,8,8,but this was more like Twelve Horny Women.
51320,168,8,8,Stay on topic.
51321,168,8,8,I can't compete with Brad.
51322,168,8,8,The jury is in love with him.
51323,168,8,8,"During recess, one of those ladies raced across the hall to see if she could get a divorce."
51324,168,8,8,And I'm pretty sure there was some funny business going on under that judge's robe.
51325,168,8,8,What you guys saw Brad do was nothing.
51326,168,8,8,He's taken it to a whole other level.
51327,168,8,8,"Ladies and... ladies of the jury, I'm sorry if I seem down."
51328,168,8,8,My girlfriend Kara... broke up with me last night.
51329,168,8,8,JURY: Aww...
51330,168,8,8,"She said I listen too much, whatever that means."
51331,168,8,8,JURY: Aww... Aww...
51332,168,8,8,Can you believe this guy?
51333,168,8,8,Really?
51334,168,8,8,Do I even want to see what I look like?
51335,168,8,8,Wow.
51336,168,8,8,"That's, like, super mean."
51337,168,8,8,
51338,168,8,8,"Next, Brad brought out his ""expert witness."""
51339,168,8,8,"So, Dr. Bedrosian, you're saying that even if Gruber Pharmaceuticals' industry-leading drugs somehow seeped into Frog Lake, they could actually be helping the otter population grow thicker coats of fur?"
51340,168,8,8,Absolutely.
51341,168,8,8,"And for the older birds, who... maybe don't perform as well in the bedroom as they used to, could actually be having healthier s*x lives?"
51342,168,8,8,In my expert opinion... yes...?
51343,168,8,8,Yes.
51344,168,8,8,So Gruber... is giving these animals free medicine.
51345,168,8,8,Medicine that you or I would have to pay a fortune for if... we needed help in the bedroom... which I don't.
51346,168,8,8,(jury giggling)
51347,168,8,8,You're so bad.
51348,168,8,8,(chuckles)
51349,168,8,8,"But I realized, if Brad could call a quack as his star witness, then so could I."
51350,168,8,8,You'll get that in a second.
51351,168,8,8,(duckling peeping)
51352,168,8,8,"Meet Paddles, the duckling. ""Quack."""
51353,168,8,8,Continue.
51354,168,8,8,Little Paddles here just spent three months being nursed back to health.
51355,168,8,8,Why?
51356,168,8,8,"Well, because he was found in Frog Lake suffering from acute dermatitis..."
51357,168,8,8,(jury gasps)
51358,168,8,8,"...a painful full-body rash, caused by who?"
51359,168,8,8,Gruber Pharmaceuticals.
51360,168,8,8,(jury gasps)
51361,168,8,8,"For a brief, shining moment, it looked like I might just win this thing."
51362,168,8,8,But then...
51363,168,8,8,"I took a field trip to this so-called ""polluted"" lake."
51364,168,8,8,"If you'll indulge me, I'd like to share my experience."
51365,168,8,8,(sultry saxophone playing)
51366,168,8,8,BRAD: Frog Lake.
51367,168,8,8,Behold... nature's beauty.
51368,168,8,8,Polluted?
51369,168,8,8,Polluted with good times.
51370,168,8,8,♪
51371,168,8,8,♪ WOMAN (sensuously): Frog... Lake.
51372,168,8,8,♪
51373,168,8,8,♪
51374,168,8,8,♪
51375,168,8,8,Frog Lake.
51376,168,8,8,Come on in.
51377,168,8,8,The water's fine.
51378,168,8,8,(bell dings)
51379,168,8,8,I shot and edited that myself.
51380,168,8,8,(quiet laugh)
51381,168,8,8,"Yep, I edit stuff, too."
51382,168,8,8,"Sorry, Ms. Aldrin, there's no rap sheet under your name."
51383,168,8,8,"Oh, y-you know what, it must be under my street tag: Number One Gunna."
51384,168,8,8,"Nope. Sorry, Number One Gunna."
51385,168,8,8,Next!
51386,168,8,8,Those jive-ass turkeys must've lost it.
51387,168,8,8,"Well, they're pretty swamped arresting 1970s pimps like yourself."
51388,168,8,8,"Lily, let it go."
51389,168,8,8,"I didn't want to brag, but I think it's time to acknowledge that I was the ultimate teenage badass of this group."
51390,168,8,8,(laughing)
51391,168,8,8,You were a teen pop star in Canada.
51392,168,8,8,You sang songs about the mall. Hey.
51393,168,8,8,There is a dark side to being a rocker on the road north of the 49th.
51394,168,8,8,(rock music playing)
51395,168,8,8,(knocking)
51396,168,8,8,"Mm, thanks."
51397,168,8,8,Hey.
51398,168,8,8,"We've received some noise complaints, eh?"
51399,168,8,8,Can you please lower the music?
51400,168,8,8,"Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure."
51401,168,8,8,(scoffs): Sure.
51402,168,8,8,"How aboot, uh, I lower the TV, too, yeah?"
51403,168,8,8,(grunts)
51404,168,8,8,(screeches)
51405,168,8,8,(cheering)
51406,168,8,8,"Three hours later, I was arrested drunk, naked, and driving a Zamboni."
51407,168,8,8,"Man, that DUI drove my insurance through the roof."
51408,168,8,8,JUDGE: Please be seated.
51409,168,8,8,"Mr. Morris, good seeing you this morning."
51410,168,8,8,Mr. Eriksen... you're here.
51411,168,8,8,"Any, uh, final witnesses?"
51412,168,8,8,"Well, Your Honor, um..."
51413,168,8,8,Um...
51414,168,8,8,"Actually, Your Honor, uh, I'm afraid..."
51415,168,8,8,JUDGE: Mr. Eriksen?
51416,168,8,8,"Your Honor, I call Brad Morris to the stand."
51417,168,8,8,(excited chatter)
51418,168,8,8,"Mr. Eriksen, this is highly irregular. I would like Mr. Morris to remove his shirt."
51419,168,8,8,"JUDGE: I'll allow it. Objection, Your Honor, on grounds that this is ridonk!"
51420,168,8,8,Overruled. Take it off.
51421,168,8,8,(exhales)
51422,168,8,8,(jury groaning)
51423,168,8,8,"Acute... dermatitis, courtesy of Frog Lake and Gruber Pharmaceuticals."
51424,168,8,8,(exhales)
51425,168,8,8,That was badass.
51426,168,8,8,"So, in the end, one might say you were forced to do something... rash?"
51427,168,8,8,(laughter)
51428,168,8,8,Rash!
51429,168,8,8,"You know, I had that one, but Lily told me to cut it."
51430,168,8,8,"Um, anyway... all that was left was the verdict."
51431,168,8,8,(paper unfolding)
51432,168,8,8,"""We, the jury, find Gruber Pharmaceuticals... guilty."""
51433,168,8,8,(excited shouts)
51434,168,8,8,Yes!
51435,168,8,8,(whispers): $25 million.
51436,168,8,8,That tie is not only tasteful; it's lucky!
51437,168,8,8,"I hereby fine Gruber in the amount of $25,000."
51438,168,8,8,Court is adjourned.
51439,168,8,8,"Your Honor, $25,000? What just happened?"
51440,168,8,8,"Son, yes, Gruber Pharmaceuticals probably polluted that lake, but I'm not gonna ruin an important company just because they gave some bird a rash."
51441,168,8,8,"No, but it's thousands of birds, and fish and otters and turtles... Look, Eriksen, I hate to cut you short, but I got tickets to Annie"
51442,168,8,8,and my wife is waiting.
51443,168,8,8,You have a wi... won-wonderful show to see?
51444,168,8,8,Guilty. Ciao.
51445,168,8,8,"(deep voice): You'd best get your mind right, son!"
51446,168,8,8,"The game is the game, and there ain't no winners."
51447,168,8,8,How many retired gangbangers you know?
51448,168,8,8,Exactly.
51449,168,8,8,(all shrieking)
51450,168,8,8,(chuckling): Barney... check it out.
51451,168,8,8,I found my scrapbook from the old days.
51452,168,8,8,"We're kind of busy right now, Warren."
51453,168,8,8,"We're scaring kids straight, so..."
51454,168,8,8,"No, no. Barney was the youngest member of our Magic Enthusiasts Club years back."
51455,168,8,8,Famous for escaping from handcuffs.
51456,168,8,8,"Handcuffs, huh?"
51457,168,8,8,Very tiny hands.
51458,168,8,8,That was his secret.
51459,168,8,8,(chuckles)
51460,168,8,8,"See you around, baby hands."
51461,168,8,8,"So, you don't know the bailiff because you were a badass."
51462,168,8,8,You knew him because you guys were in a nerd club together.
51463,168,8,8,Where you dazzled audiences with your sleight-of-tiny-hand.
51464,168,8,8,So I was a late hand bloomer!
51465,168,8,8,"Go ahead, laugh, laugh like all the others, but those magicians pulled off the greatest trick of all: (voice breaking): they accepted me."
51466,168,8,8,"Okay, well, to be fair, I... may have slightly exaggerated my badass story, too."
51467,168,8,8,(knocking)
51468,168,8,8,"Oh, sorry. Uh, no, thank you, housekeeping."
51469,168,8,8,I've already made my bed.
51470,168,8,8,"And I only used one washcloth, so it's..."
51471,168,8,8,"Congratulations, Miss Sparkles."
51472,168,8,8,"On behalf of the Manitoba Hotel and Curling Rink Association, we'd like to thank you for being the nicest, most well-behaved hotel guest ever."
51473,168,8,8,"(laughing): Oh, yippee!"
51474,168,8,8,(laughs): What a loser!
51475,168,8,8,"Your story's not true, either, is it, Ted?"
51476,168,8,8,Not at all.
51477,168,8,8,"Make sure you get my good side, Princess!"
51478,168,8,8,(camera shutter clicks)
51479,168,8,8,"I left the courthouse that day questioning what I was even doing with my life... and then that night, I had a dream."
51480,168,8,8,"Sorry I failed, son."
51481,168,8,8,"What about your Pebble Theory, Dad?"
51482,168,8,8,One good deed ripples out and makes another and another?
51483,168,8,8,Yeah.
51484,168,8,8,This is what really happens when you throw a pebble into Frog Lake.
51485,168,8,8,(whoosh)
51486,168,8,8,"The truth is, you can fight your whole life to do good and still get nowhere."
51487,168,8,8,You're wrong.
51488,168,8,8,"Some good's gonna ripple out of this, Dad."
51489,168,8,8,I promise.
51490,168,8,8,(creature screeches)
51491,168,8,8,"Great, I've angered the Frog King."
51492,168,8,8,"Later that night, some good did ripple out."
51493,168,8,8,(footsteps approaching)
51494,168,8,8,BRAD: Hey.
51495,168,8,8,"What, are you here to gloat?"
51496,168,8,8,(sighs): No. Came here to thank you.
51497,168,8,8,For reminding me of why I got into law in the first place: to fight for the little guy.
51498,168,8,8,"Which is why I said ""Hasta Lucia"" to my firm, and took a job at your firm, brobeans."
51499,168,8,8,"Don't ""brobeans"" me."
51500,168,8,8,My boss would never hire you after the way you lied to us.
51501,168,8,8,"I told him I'd take every last bit of manipulation, deception, and accidental pen-dropping I used against you guys and put it towards saving the world."
51502,168,8,8,"Even if that's true, I'm still not sure that I can forgive you."
51503,168,8,8,Would you object to an 11:15 brunch rezzy for two tomorrow at the Popover Pantry?
51504,168,8,8,I'll allow it.
51505,168,8,8,Yes! The Brunch Bros are back!
51506,168,8,8,"And thank God we were, because... well, what he said next is the reason that I'm sitting in this chair."
51507,168,8,8,"Seriously, thanks-- for giving my soul a little redempsh."
51508,168,8,8,"And B-T-dubs, that judge was an idiot."
51509,168,8,8,"It's people like you, people with hope and vision and integ, that should be behind that bench making the calls."
51510,168,8,8,And that's when I realized I wanted to be a judge.
51511,168,8,8,Because judges are the ones who can effect real change.
51512,168,8,8,"And that's why I'm here, before the New York State Judiciary Committee."
51513,168,8,8,I hope that you will consider me for an appointment to a judgeship.
51514,168,8,8,"Thank you, Mr. Eriksen."
51515,168,8,8,The panel will take this under advisement.
51516,168,8,8,Take your time.
51517,168,8,8,It could be a few months.
51518,168,8,8,Better tell my wife I won't be home for dinner.
51519,168,8,8,Get out.
51520,168,8,8,(sighs)
51521,168,8,8,Hey.
51522,168,8,8,Hey.
51523,168,8,8,"How are you? Uh, great. You?"
51524,168,8,8,So gr... (sighs)
51525,168,8,8,Can we talk about this for a second?
51526,168,8,8,Yeah.
51527,168,8,8,"It is super-weird between us, and I don't want it to be."
51528,168,8,8,"Me, neither."
51529,168,8,8,So let me just say this.
51530,168,8,8,I'm done.
51531,168,8,8,You don't have to worry anymore.
51532,168,8,8,What do you mean?
51533,168,8,8,I'm done trying to get you.
51534,168,8,8,I can't do it anymore.
51535,168,8,8,"I'm sorry it's taken me this long to figure it out, but I promise..."
51536,168,8,8,I'm done making a fool of myself.
51537,168,8,8,"Barney, you haven't been making a fool out of yourself..."
51538,168,8,8,It's okay.
51539,168,8,8,It's okay.
51540,168,8,8,I want it to be okay.
51541,168,8,8,So here's what's gonna happen.
51542,168,8,8,"I'm gonna get us two drinks, come back and comment on the likely size and color of the nipples on that redhead at the bar, with the big, dark nipples."
51543,168,8,8,"And you're gonna be grossed out, but you're gonna laugh a little anyway, and then you'll tell a funny story about ""that bitch Patrice"" at work, but neither one of us are gonna say, ""Hey, how's it going?"" or ""Good to see you!"""
51544,168,8,8,Because it really will be good to see you.
51545,168,8,8,Think we can swing that?
51546,168,8,8,"Yeah, I do."
51547,168,8,8,Badass.
51548,168,8,8,(laughs)
51549,168,8,8,Huh.
51550,168,8,8,"Thanks for your support, guys. It means a lot."
51551,168,8,8,We'll call in sick anytime you have a problem.
51552,168,8,8,"(whistling ""The Farmer in the Dell"")"
51553,168,8,8,Lily coming!
51554,168,8,8,Lily coming!
51555,168,8,8,(stops whistling)
51556,169,8,9,"Well, it's come to this-- we're drinking with our baby in a bar."
51557,169,8,9,It is not a bar.
51558,169,8,9,It's a restaurant that happens to have a bar.
51559,169,8,9,"Ergo, we are good parents."
51560,169,8,9,Unrelated: I'm getting faced right now.
51561,169,8,9,Papa needs a grease coat.
51562,169,8,9,"Ted: While it is heartwarming to watch your firstborn teethe on a jalapeño popper, wasn't Mickey gonna watch him today?"
51563,169,8,9,My dad's out all week.
51564,169,8,9,He's got the sniffles.
51565,169,8,9,"For someone who's survived numerous beatings from loan sharks, he has a surprisingly delicate constitution."
51566,169,8,9,"Ted: Well, my semester's over and the GNB building is finally done."
51567,169,8,9,"If you guys want, I'm free to watch Marvin."
51568,169,8,9,"I'm meeting with a headhunter next week to line up my next project, but until then, what the hell?"
51569,169,8,9,"Ted, although a ""what the hell"" attitude is incredibly sought after in a babysitter, I think that Lily and Marshall..."
51570,169,8,9,Both: You're hired.
51571,169,8,9,"Now that we've been parents for awhile, we realize that pretty much any moron can take care of a baby."
51572,169,8,9,Thank you.
51573,169,8,9,Mine!
51574,169,8,9,Ow.
51575,169,8,9,Delicious and mine.
51576,169,8,9,(Robin chuckles)
51577,169,8,9,"They do look yummy yum-yum, mister."
51578,169,8,9,(giggles)
51579,169,8,9,No. No!
51580,169,8,9,What have I done?!
51581,169,8,9,"I am so sorry, Cornelius."
51582,169,8,9,You deserve a better end than this!
51583,169,8,9,You got ketchup on a red tie.
51584,169,8,9,You can't even see it.
51585,169,8,9,(gasping)
51586,169,8,9,(grunts)
51587,169,8,9,Clear!
51588,169,8,9,(sobs)
51589,169,8,9,I'm going in.
51590,169,8,9,(blowing)
51591,169,8,9,"Oh, my..."
51592,169,8,9,"Damn it, guys, we lost him."
51593,169,8,9,And he was so close to retirement.
51594,169,8,9,"Just this morning he said to me, ""I'm getting too old for this shirt."""
51595,169,8,9,(Marvin fussing)
51596,169,8,9,"I know, dude."
51597,169,8,9,(humming taps)
51598,169,8,9,"Oh, my God."
51599,169,8,9,You are such a good folder.
51600,169,8,9,"That's, like, The Gap good."
51601,169,8,9,(giggles)
51602,169,8,9,Robin...
51603,169,8,9,...let's go hit the bar.
51604,169,8,9,At this restaurant.
51605,169,8,9,I think they have a bar here.
51606,169,8,9,"Okay, what was that? What was what?"
51607,169,8,9,"The ""dumb cheerleader flirting with the quarterback"" thing."
51608,169,8,9,You looked like you were gonna chase Barney down with a sixer of watermelon wine coolers.
51609,169,8,9,"First of all, those bad girls come in fourskis."
51610,169,8,9,"And second, why would I be flirting with Barney?"
51611,169,8,9,"I'm not interested in him, and I made that very clear."
51612,169,8,9,With something that I did.
51613,169,8,9,Recently.
51614,169,8,9,Just spill it.
51615,169,8,9,"Robin: The other week, Barney made a move, but I turned him down."
51616,169,8,9,"I felt awful for closing the door in his face, but he realized I was right."
51617,169,8,9,I'm done trying to get you.
51618,169,8,9,I can't do it anymore.
51619,169,8,9,And now I get it. Get what?
51620,169,8,9,"You may have closed the door on Barney, but he locked it."
51621,169,8,9,"What? No, he didn't."
51622,169,8,9,"Yeah, he got the last word, and now you want what you can't have, like you always do."
51623,169,8,9,It's the classic lobster situation.
51624,169,8,9,I'm afraid you're allergic to lobster.
51625,169,8,9,"You can never, ever, ever have it."
51626,169,8,9,"Oh, this... is... delicious."
51627,169,8,9,"Once you learned you couldn't have lobster, you became obsessed."
51628,169,8,9,Barney's the same thing.
51629,169,8,9,"And this is gonna blow up in your face, just like the lobster blew up your face."
51630,169,8,9,Wrong. This is nothing like lobster.
51631,169,8,9,Okay.
51632,169,8,9,"Just remember, you can never hook up with Barney again."
51633,169,8,9,That's fine. Never.
51634,169,8,9,"Ever, ever, ever, ever."
51635,169,8,9,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x09 ♪
51636,169,8,9,Lobster Crawl
51637,169,8,9,"Original Air Date on December 3, 2012"
51638,169,8,9,"Oh, no."
51639,169,8,9,"Marshall, Lily and Ted can't make it, for viable reasons I just learned via this text message I accidentally deleted."
51640,169,8,9,Guess it's just gonna be you and me.
51641,169,8,9,Fine by me.
51642,169,8,9,"Me, too. Totally."
51643,169,8,9,Supafine.
51644,169,8,9,(giggles)
51645,169,8,9,"Robin: Hey there, Scherbats, your voice of reason here."
51646,169,8,9,What you doing?
51647,169,8,9,"I hope you don't mind, but I was hungry, so I ordered MacLaren's new special."
51648,169,8,9,I couldn't eat lunch at work because they ordered
51649,169,8,9,(voice breaking): Thai food.
51650,169,8,9,"I miss you, Cornelius!"
51651,169,8,9,"Oh, my God."
51652,169,8,9,You're so sensitive.
51653,169,8,9,And deep.
51654,169,8,9,No. You're better than this.
51655,169,8,9,Barney is not like lobster.
51656,169,8,9,"Okay, that's unfortunate, but it doesn't mean you have to hook up with Barney."
51657,169,8,9,Whoa!
51658,169,8,9,"God, you said that out loud!"
51659,169,8,9,"No, I didn't."
51660,169,8,9,How would you know? You're out of control.
51661,169,8,9,"Oh, you think you're so smart, don't you, bitch?"
51662,169,8,9,"Um, billion-dollar idea alert."
51663,169,8,9,Why should bibs only be socially acceptable when you're eating lobster?
51664,169,8,9,"If we could wear them all the time,"
51665,169,8,9,(voice breaking): then Corny would still be with us right now.
51666,169,8,9,I miss...
51667,169,8,9,"Picture a bib that looks like your suit: a collar, a tie, a jacket."
51668,169,8,9,Mm-hmm.
51669,169,8,9,Atta girl. Keep it cool.
51670,169,8,9,I could call them Brobibs!
51671,169,8,9,That's interesting.
51672,169,8,9,"Yeah, you got this."
51673,169,8,9,I'm sorry I called you a bitch.
51674,169,8,9,What do you think?
51675,169,8,9,"Oh, that idea's amazeballs!"
51676,169,8,9,(giggles)
51677,169,8,9,That's it. I'm out of here.
51678,169,8,9,(footsteps)
51679,169,8,9,(door slams)
51680,169,8,9,I'm out of control.
51681,169,8,9,I came this close to telling Barney that I wanted him.
51682,169,8,9,"Robin, as your friend, I got to be honest."
51683,169,8,9,I think this Brobibs thing is a frickin' gold mine.
51684,169,8,9,What? No.
51685,169,8,9,"Lily, I really need advice."
51686,169,8,9,Okay.
51687,169,8,9,Invest now.
51688,169,8,9,"Seriously, it's like Apple at ten dollars a share."
51689,169,8,9,"Lily, please."
51690,169,8,9,"Okay, I'm sorry."
51691,169,8,9,"I'm just, I'm a little distracted."
51692,169,8,9,I-I got to get upstairs and check on Ted and Marvin.
51693,169,8,9,Can we please just talk about this Brobib thing another time?
51694,169,8,9,How was your day?
51695,169,8,9,"Good, although I think I just saw a woman with a full beard outside."
51696,169,8,9,Marvin crawled!
51697,169,8,9,What?
51698,169,8,9,He's never done that before.
51699,169,8,9,I know!
51700,169,8,9,I think I just saw a guy with breasts outside.
51701,169,8,9,Marvin crawled.
51702,169,8,9,I can't believe it. Believe it.
51703,169,8,9,I took a video for you.
51704,169,8,9,(sighs)
51705,169,8,9,"Ted: You're doing it, Marvin."
51706,169,8,9,"Go, go, go, go, go."
51707,169,8,9,Oh!
51708,169,8,9,Your Uncle Ted is so proud.
51709,169,8,9,Whoops.
51710,169,8,9,Guess I had the camera flipped.
51711,169,8,9,I use it to check my teeth for debris.
51712,169,8,9,(Marvin laughing)
51713,169,8,9,"Ooh, sounds like somebody's ""crawling"" me."
51714,169,8,9,(whimpering)
51715,169,8,9,"Oh, sweetie, oh, come on."
51716,169,8,9,"Lil, listen, so we missed the first time he crawled."
51717,169,8,9,So what?
51718,169,8,9,"We'll see it the next time, I promise."
51719,169,8,9,"Ted: Oh, my God, he just did it again!"
51720,169,8,9,(sobbing)
51721,169,8,9,"(sobbing) TED: Guys, get in here! Marvin can't stop crawling!"
51722,169,8,9,He's Holden Crawl-field!
51723,169,8,9,Get in here right now--
51724,169,8,9,"nope, nope, it's over."
51725,169,8,9,(whimpering)
51726,169,8,9,"Okay, hey, I know."
51727,169,8,9,"Baby, I know, I know."
51728,169,8,9,"But, listen, there will be plenty of other Marvin firsts."
51729,169,8,9,"His first day at school, his first trip to meet Santa, his first touchdown pass for the 2032 Super Bowl champion Vikings-- no pressure."
51730,169,8,9,I'll love him even if he runs the ball into the end zone.
51731,169,8,9,So can we please just let this crawling thing go?
51732,169,8,9,"Yeah, okay. You're right."
51733,169,8,9,"I mean, I'm being nuts."
51734,169,8,9,We'll see it when we see it.
51735,169,8,9,Yeah.
51736,169,8,9,Do it.
51737,169,8,9,"If you ever want to see these boobs again, crawl, you son of a me."
51738,169,8,9,"Come on, Lil."
51739,169,8,9,You know what they say: a watched tot never crawls.
51740,169,8,9,(chuckles)
51741,169,8,9,"Or calls you later in life, after it sees this disturbing footage."
51742,169,8,9,"Hey, Lily, Marshall."
51743,169,8,9,"Uh, Lily, we need to talk."
51744,169,8,9,"Oh, that sounds serious!"
51745,169,8,9,"Oh, you guys should talk about it down at the bar until after Marvin's asleep."
51746,169,8,9,"And if you want to stay down there until after SportsCenter's over, that's fine, too."
51747,169,8,9,Ooh.
51748,169,8,9,Keep shooting.
51749,169,8,9,"If you miss it, I'm leaving you."
51750,169,8,9,(Marvin giggles)
51751,169,8,9,"Yeah, that seems about right."
51752,169,8,9,Sorry if I'm bad company.
51753,169,8,9,I'm not sure anything is gonna take my mind off of missing Marvin's first crawl.
51754,169,8,9,"Lily, I've had a revelation."
51755,169,8,9,Brobibs for women.
51756,169,8,9,Bitchbibs!
51757,169,8,9,"You know Barney's gonna sue us, but damn it, let's just go for it."
51758,169,8,9,"No, Lily, this is serious."
51759,169,8,9,"When that doctor told me I couldn't eat lobster and I did it anyway, it almost killed me."
51760,169,8,9,But here's the thing: I never wanted lobster again.
51761,169,8,9,So the solution is obvious.
51762,169,8,9,"The only way to get Barney out of my system is to get him into my system, one last time."
51763,169,8,9,"It's brilliant, right?"
51764,169,8,9,Not brilliant at all.
51765,169,8,9,Thanks for being on board. Not on board.
51766,169,8,9,It means a lot. Big mistake.
51767,169,8,9,You're my girl.
51768,169,8,9,Now it's just a question of how to get him...
51769,169,8,9,"(panting): Hey, Robin, I just got your text."
51770,169,8,9,What's the big emergency?
51771,169,8,9,"Hi, Barney!"
51772,169,8,9,You seem like you run fast.
51773,169,8,9,Do you want me to fan you with my US magazine?
51774,169,8,9,"He's fine. Thanks, Patrice."
51775,169,8,9,
51776,169,8,9,"Oh, thank goodness you're here."
51777,169,8,9,"I just got this new printer, and I need somebody big and strong to take it to my office for me."
51778,169,8,9,I promise to repay you.
51779,169,8,9,"We'll do it for you, Robin!"
51780,169,8,9,"Don't you have a late-breaking weather story to cover, Brandi?"
51781,169,8,9,"Oh, I did it already."
51782,169,8,9,It rained.
51783,169,8,9,(cell phone ringing)
51784,169,8,9,"Oh, I got to jump on a big Brobibs conference call."
51785,169,8,9,The lawyer from Dude Aprons is really busting my balls.
51786,169,8,9,See ya.
51787,169,8,9,(Robin sighs)
51788,169,8,9,"Nobody asked for your help, Patrice!"
51789,169,8,9,"You either, Brandi!"
51790,169,8,9,(giggles): Stop it.
51791,169,8,9,"Hey, hey."
51792,169,8,9,What are you guys doing slobbering all over my friend?
51793,169,8,9,"Oh, Barney, don't be jealous."
51794,169,8,9,"If you're gonna drool, do it in style!"
51795,169,8,9,Just go to Brobibs.com.
51796,169,8,9,We've got every look in the book.
51797,169,8,9,The Business Casual.
51798,169,8,9,The Preppy.
51799,169,8,9,The Robin Williams.
51800,169,8,9,(laughs)
51801,169,8,9,Bib up!
51802,169,8,9,"Brobibs is in no way affiliated with, inspired by or derivative of Dude Aprons."
51803,169,8,9,(video game weapons zapping)
51804,169,8,9,"Hey, there."
51805,169,8,9,Hey!
51806,169,8,9,It is so good to see you.
51807,169,8,9,(weapons zapping)
51808,169,8,9,"Barney: Thanks, Robin."
51809,169,8,9,This game affects my league score. (yells)
51810,169,8,9,"Look, I don't agree with your lobster quest, but I can't stand watching you make a fool of yourself."
51811,169,8,9,You want the fix? I got the fix.
51812,169,8,9,Back in college...
51813,169,8,9,"it was love at first sight for me and Marshall, but when it came to making the first move, well, he needed help."
51814,169,8,9,So I took matters into my own hands.
51815,169,8,9,♪
51816,169,8,9,Let's get out of here.
51817,169,8,9,"You just need a girl who, I don't know, gets a few drinks in her and wants to have fun and put on a show. Mm-hmm."
51818,169,8,9,"And it drives guys crazy, 'cause you both don't even care."
51819,169,8,9,It's just stupid and fun.
51820,169,8,9,(sighs)
51821,169,8,9,"Lily, that sounds perfect. Thank you."
51822,169,8,9,Mm. Just stupid.
51823,169,8,9,Stupid and fun.
51824,169,8,9,(chuckles)
51825,169,8,9,Who the hell is that?
51826,169,8,9,"Hey, guys."
51827,169,8,9,"Barney, this is Brandi, my fun friend from work, who just doesn't even care."
51828,169,8,9,"Hello, Brandi."
51829,169,8,9,Congratulations on the gig.
51830,169,8,9,"Aw, thank you!"
51831,169,8,9,World Wide News is an amazing place to work.
51832,169,8,9,"Not that gig, sweetheart."
51833,169,8,9,(raspy sigh)
51834,169,8,9,(heavy breathing)
51835,169,8,9,Lily: Marshall!
51836,169,8,9,What? Ow.
51837,169,8,9,It's late.
51838,169,8,9,I'm so tipsy.
51839,169,8,9,(laughs)
51840,169,8,9,It is late. We should get out of here.
51841,169,8,9,"So, Brandi, ever sneak into the studio and do it in front of the weather map?"
51842,169,8,9,No. Why do you ask?
51843,169,8,9,No reason.
51844,169,8,9,(chuckles)
51845,169,8,9,Someone is about to get unseasonably banged.
51846,169,8,9,Damn it!
51847,169,8,9,What did I do wrong?
51848,169,8,9,"Nothing. It was awesome. Oh, Marshall, let's go!"
51849,169,8,9,"Hey. Hey, Lilypad!"
51850,169,8,9,"So, don't be upset."
51851,169,8,9,Ted... took Marvin shopping and sort of bought him... all his winter clothes.
51852,169,8,9,(Lily squeals)
51853,169,8,9,TED (over baby monitor): Get ready for our star runway model--
51854,169,8,9,"or should I say, our star crawlway model."
51855,169,8,9,"He's doing it again, guys! Get in here!"
51856,169,8,9,"N-No-no, it's over."
51857,169,8,9,That's it. Ted's fired.
51858,169,8,9,"Fired? No, c-come on, Lily, he's helping us out."
51859,169,8,9,"Plus, next week, your dad'll be back, and Ted has the meeting with that headhunter."
51860,169,8,9,Let's just stay cool.
51861,169,8,9,"Ted: Starting at quarterback, the pride of Cleveland..."
51862,169,8,9,(gasps) Marvin Eriksen! Right?
51863,169,8,9,"Right, guys? He's gonna be a little Browns fan."
51864,169,8,9,(wails)
51865,169,8,9,"Oh, by the way, I cancelled that meeting with the headhunter, so I can take care of Marvin next week."
51866,169,8,9,"What? No, no, my dad'll be better by then."
51867,169,8,9,"Oh, I gave Mickey the month off."
51868,169,8,9,"It's supposed to snow, and, uh, Uncle Ted doesn't want to miss Marvin's first sleigh ride."
51869,169,8,9,You're fired. You're fired.
51870,169,8,9,Marvin has a bib with little... little dinosaurs on it.
51871,169,8,9,Maybe you should make one like that.
51872,169,8,9,"Brobibs are for grown men wearing bibs, Ted."
51873,169,8,9,I don't want them looking like idiots.
51874,169,8,9,(phone rings)
51875,169,8,9,"Lily, Marshall, you know you can't keep him away from me."
51876,169,8,9,He's gonna start asking questions.
51877,169,8,9,"Calm down, Ted."
51878,169,8,9,We-we just wanted to apologize.
51879,169,8,9,We overreacted before.
51880,169,8,9,Mm-hmm.
51881,169,8,9,Lily: Meet us at the swim class you apparently signed Marvin up for.
51882,169,8,9,Bubble Buddies? I'd love t...
51883,169,8,9,"I mean, I'll have to check my skedge."
51884,169,8,9,"Sorry. When I'm excited, I abbreviate words I shouldn't."
51885,169,8,9,"Lily: Come on, Ted, what do you say?"
51886,169,8,9,Fab. Perf.
51887,169,8,9,Sorry.
51888,169,8,9,See you at B-Buds.
51889,169,8,9,Bubble Buddies. Sorry.
51890,169,8,9,Augie. Jayden.
51891,169,8,9,Dylan. Girl Dylan.
51892,169,8,9,"Lily: Hey, Ted. Hey. Where's Marvin?"
51893,169,8,9,Does Coach Amber have him warming up in the Jacooz?
51894,169,8,9,Sorry again.
51895,169,8,9,"Aw, hey, buddy, listen, we wanted to talk to you about how you've kind of been overdoing it with Marvin."
51896,169,8,9,I haven't been overdoing it.
51897,169,8,9,"Ted, we're in a baby swim class, and clearly you've done something extreme to get the naming rights to that lollipop bin."
51898,169,8,9,Marshall: But I-I think that we've figured out what's going on with you.
51899,169,8,9,"See, after we let you go..."
51900,169,8,9,What is this?
51901,169,8,9,Marvin's Book of Firsts?
51902,169,8,9,(Lily gasps loudly)
51903,169,8,9,Ted took Marvin to see Santa?!
51904,169,8,9,"Oh, I am gonna take this book and I'm gonna shove it so far up his..."
51905,169,8,9,"The point is, it made us remember another scrapbook you made."
51906,169,8,9,"That project really was your baby, and now it's over, and you're scared to move on."
51907,169,8,9,"I poured my blood, sweat and tears into that building."
51908,169,8,9,"Though, to be fair, a lot of that happened the day I accidentally fell down the elevator shaft."
51909,169,8,9,Mm.
51910,169,8,9,"The point is, it's just really hard to let go."
51911,169,8,9,Especially when that building's my biggest accomplishment.
51912,169,8,9,"I mean, maybe if I was where you guys are at in life, with all you have to be proud of..."
51913,169,8,9,"We get it, okay?"
51914,169,8,9,You're always gonna be Uncle Ted.
51915,169,8,9,"But if Marvin can't be your next project, you need one of your own, and so we rescheduled your meeting with that headhunter."
51916,169,8,9,He's over there.
51917,169,8,9,Which one is he?
51918,169,8,9,"Thanks, guys."
51919,169,8,9,Marvin and I are lucky you're our parents.
51920,169,8,9,Aw.
51921,169,8,9,"Oh, hey, Ted?"
51922,169,8,9,"It's kind of a big, professional meeting--"
51923,169,8,9,you might want to trade out that lollipop for a shirt.
51924,169,8,9,(chuckles): Yeah.
51925,169,8,9,"I'll just give it to one of these kids. Oh, buddy."
51926,169,8,9,"What? You're half naked, you're not a parent to any of these children--"
51927,169,8,9,don't offer 'em candy.
51928,169,8,9,I can't believe Barney went home with Brandi.
51929,169,8,9,I should have asked you
51930,169,8,9,to do that play with me.
51931,169,8,9,"Well, it's too late now, isn't it?"
51932,169,8,9,There he is. Straddle me. Start grinding.
51933,169,8,9,Nothing's off-limits.
51934,169,8,9,"So, last night Brandi and I got to the WWN studios, and my high-pressure system was ready to slam into her warm front."
51935,169,8,9,"The studio's unlocked, the weather map's up--"
51936,169,8,9,ready to do it in 17
51937,169,8,9,different states at once?
51938,169,8,9,(chuckles)
51939,169,8,9,"Um, actually..."
51940,169,8,9,I don't think I want that.
51941,169,8,9,I'm sorry.
51942,169,8,9,I'm-I'm...
51943,169,8,9,I'm gonna go.
51944,169,8,9,"Wait, you didn't sleep with her?"
51945,169,8,9,Nope.
51946,169,8,9,I spent the night thinking about how everything I've done since Quinn and I broke up has been a cry for help.
51947,169,8,9,"Dressing a dog up like me, hooking up with all those nannies..."
51948,169,8,9,"Brobibs? No, those are solid."
51949,169,8,9,I still want in.
51950,169,8,9,"And I realized that... I'm searching, searching for what I really want in life, and you know what?"
51951,169,8,9,I have absolutely no idea what that is.
51952,169,8,9,Wow.
51953,169,8,9,Barney... But...
51954,169,8,9,I'm going to figure it out.
51955,169,8,9,I have to.
51956,169,8,9,"Good night, guys."
51957,169,8,9,"God, I feel awful."
51958,169,8,9,"Barney is going through something big, and I've been obsessing about one stupid final hookup to get him out of my system."
51959,169,8,9,(sighs)
51960,169,8,9,He needs space... and time to figure things out.
51961,169,8,9,And I have to give it to him.
51962,169,8,9,(knocking on door)
51963,169,8,9,Robin? What are you doing here? It's okay if you don't know what you want in life...
51964,169,8,9,...as long as you know what you want... tonight.
51965,169,8,9,Well...
51966,169,8,9,I do know what I want.
51967,169,8,9,"Hi, Robin!"
51968,169,8,9,"Nobody asked you here, Patrice!"
51969,169,8,9,"Actually, I did."
51970,169,8,9,Last night.
51971,169,8,9,Let me go see if the studio's open.
51972,169,8,9,(chuckles softly)
51973,169,8,9,All right.
51974,169,8,9,"Oh, hi, Barney."
51975,169,8,9,I'm working late.
51976,169,8,9,(laughs)
51977,169,8,9,What are you doing here?
51978,169,8,9,I'm... (sighs)
51979,169,8,9,I don't know what I'm doing... here.
51980,169,8,9,"Barney... I don't know you that well, but... are you okay?"
51981,169,8,9,Yeah. What do you mean?
51982,169,8,9,"Well, whenever I see someone unhappy, I get the urge to give them cookies, and I really want to give you cookies right now."
51983,169,8,9,Cookie?
51984,169,8,9,"Lame. No, thanks."
51985,169,8,9,You sure? They're heart-shaped.
51986,169,8,9,"Sorry, a couple of them are broken."
51987,169,8,9,(sobbing): I know how they feel. I'd love one.
51988,169,8,9,"After that, I sent Brandi packing, and Patrice and I talked all night."
51989,169,8,9,We're... kind of on a date right now.
51990,169,8,9,But if you'd like to throw on some clothes and join us for Crazy Eights...
51991,169,8,9,I can deal you in!
51992,169,8,9,My deck has puppies on it!
51993,169,8,9,Arf-arf!
51994,169,8,9,Um...
51995,169,8,9,I... got to go.
51996,169,8,9,"Look, I still feel bad I went too far with all the Marvin firsts--"
51997,169,8,9,"the Santa thing, especially."
51998,169,8,9,"I mean, I should've known."
51999,169,8,9,Are you sure you guys forgive me?
52000,169,8,9,"Absolutely. Don't worry, no grudges."
52001,169,8,9,Great. Next round's on me.
52002,169,8,9,"Coming, honey!"
52003,169,8,9,"Okay, you guys have all the numbers-- my cell, the restaurant, Center for Disease Control?"
52004,169,8,9,She's with her Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall.
52005,169,8,9,Nothing's gonna happen.
52006,169,8,9,You're right.
52007,169,8,9,(chuckles)
52008,169,8,9,You're totally right.
52009,169,8,9,Okay...
52010,169,8,9,"Bye, sweetie."
52011,169,8,9,"Here, you..."
52012,169,8,9,Mm...
52013,169,8,9,"Get out of here, ya crazy. Would you get out of here already."
52014,169,8,9,(Lily giggles)
52015,170,8,10,"Lily, I just saw the worst thing ever!"
52016,170,8,10,"(whispering): Kind of busy right now, Marshall."
52017,170,8,10,Quiet. He can hear you.
52018,170,8,10,"Marshall: Who's ""he""?!"
52019,170,8,10,He's coming! Everyone shut up!
52020,170,8,10,"Narrator: Okay, kids, you're probably wondering how we all got here."
52021,170,8,10,"Oh, hey, buddy, can we borrow your air mattress?"
52022,170,8,10,My mom's coming into town for a few days.
52023,170,8,10,Absolutely not.
52024,170,8,10,"Bummer, I guess she can't stay with us."
52025,170,8,10,"Hey, look, what I just found."
52026,170,8,10,A list of hotels and other creative housing options.
52027,170,8,10,"Baby, my mom is not staying at a hotel."
52028,170,8,10,Or our storage unit.
52029,170,8,10,Why can't we borrow your air mattress?
52030,170,8,10,"Because when you animals borrow things, you never return them."
52031,170,8,10,That's ridiculous.
52032,170,8,10,"No, my Cleveland, Ohio, Chamber of Commerce mini-cooler is ridiculous."
52033,170,8,10,Ridiculous at keeping stuff cold while also promoting Ohio's second-largest rubber producer.
52034,170,8,10,"Watch your back, Akron."
52035,170,8,10,I totally gave that back.
52036,170,8,10,"And what about that ""Vote For Ted"" hoodie from when I ran for treasurer in high school?"
52037,170,8,10,"Mrs. Gooding said my concession speech was, ""full of grace."""
52038,170,8,10,I don't recall borrowing that.
52039,170,8,10,And whatever happened to my limited edition DVD of the classic 1989
52040,170,8,10,"Silverman-McCarthy romp,"
52041,170,8,10,"Weekend at Bernie's,"
52042,170,8,10,"""borrowed"" well over six months ago?"
52043,170,8,10,"Yeah, I'm keeping that."
52044,170,8,10,Those extra features are awesome.
52045,170,8,10,"I mean, that making-of documentary? ""How Bernie Avoided The Gurney: A Cinematic Journey."""
52046,170,8,10,"Look, I'm just tired of people borrowing things and never returning them."
52047,170,8,10,"If you don't believe me, ask my ex-friend Stuart."
52048,170,8,10,"Ted, I gave your red cowboy boots back the day after Halloween."
52049,170,8,10,"How could you lie to me right to my face, Stuart?"
52050,170,8,10,You are a horrible human being.
52051,170,8,10,Congrats on your daughter's christening.
52052,170,8,10,"And where's the worst abuser of my generosity, Barney?"
52053,170,8,10,"Or should I say, ""Borrow-ney""?"
52054,170,8,10,You should never say that.
52055,170,8,10,And I think he's out with Patrice.
52056,170,8,10,"Uch, Patrice? That's still happening?"
52057,170,8,10,"Narrator: Kids, you remember Patrice."
52058,170,8,10,She worked with your Aunt Robin.
52059,170,8,10,"Robin! You left your purse at the vending machine, and some guy tried to steal it!"
52060,170,8,10,"I fought him off, but I think I dislocated my shoulder."
52061,170,8,10,You scratched the leather! Oh!
52062,170,8,10,"Can't you do anything right, Patrice?!"
52063,170,8,10,That Barney-and-Patrice thing is so bogus.
52064,170,8,10,He's clearly trying to get back at me for rejecting him.
52065,170,8,10,"Um, Robin, after you rejected Barney, didn't he reject you?"
52066,170,8,10,And didn't you go over to his place and try to sleep with him in your purple-and-
52067,170,8,10,black underwear?
52068,170,8,10,"Hey, uh, Lil, feel free to disregard that ""Don't tell anyone about this ever"" thing."
52069,170,8,10,She has your mini-cooler.
52070,170,8,10,I knew it!
52071,170,8,10,"But seriously, what other reason would Barney have to date Patrice?"
52072,170,8,10,It's an over-correction.
52073,170,8,10,How dare you?! What is that?!
52074,170,8,10,"Barney was engaged to Quinn, a stripper he never really trusted."
52075,170,8,10,So he overcorrects by dating her opposite: warm and nurturing Patrice.
52076,170,8,10,"Lily: That does happen, like Ted."
52077,170,8,10,After you broke up with sweet innocent Victoria.
52078,170,8,10,"No, you hang up first."
52079,170,8,10,"No, you hang up first."
52080,170,8,10,"No, you hang up first."
52081,170,8,10,"Hang up, you little bitch!"
52082,170,8,10,Over-correction.
52083,170,8,10,Yeah. And it's not just relationships.
52084,170,8,10,"Remember when that comedy club owner told Marshall that his ""funny fish names"" stand-up act didn't have enough edge?"
52085,170,8,10,Flounder? I barely know her! Oh!
52086,170,8,10,Over-correction.
52087,170,8,10,Although it was better than his Chris Rock rip-off.
52088,170,8,10,A trout with a daughter has one job.
52089,170,8,10,One job!
52090,170,8,10,To keep her off the fishing pole!
52091,170,8,10,Lily: You suck!
52092,170,8,10,Lily!
52093,170,8,10,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x10 ♪
52094,170,8,10,The Over-Correction
52095,170,8,10,"Original Air Date on December 10, 2012"
52096,170,8,10,I'm a little worried about Ted.
52097,170,8,10,"I mean, we're parents now, and even Barney is moving on."
52098,170,8,10,I just wish he had someone to talk to.
52099,170,8,10,Even for a week.
52100,170,8,10,"Or you know, four days, three nights."
52101,170,8,10,My mom is not staying with Ted!
52102,170,8,10,He'd love her bacon-
52103,170,8,10,gummy bear pancakes.
52104,170,8,10,"I'm her special boy, I get her special pancakes."
52105,170,8,10,But my dad is here nannying all the time.
52106,170,8,10,Then add your mom in?
52107,170,8,10,This place is crowded enough already.
52108,170,8,10,(knocking)
52109,170,8,10,"Mickey: Hey, Lil, let me know how the pump's working."
52110,170,8,10,I cleaned it for you.
52111,170,8,10,"It's fine, Dad. Yeah, I had to check the suction, so I tested it on myself."
52112,170,8,10,"Oh, no."
52113,170,8,10,"Don't worry, the suction's fine, actually kind of nice."
52114,170,8,10,"Okay, Barney is so not for real about Patrice."
52115,170,8,10,"Today he did the craziest, most clearly staged for my benefit thing ever."
52116,170,8,10,"Hey, Patrice, you ready for lunch?"
52117,170,8,10,Sure.
52118,170,8,10,(scoffs)
52119,170,8,10,"Right, right?"
52120,170,8,10,"I mean, what's next, birthday gifts?"
52121,170,8,10,"Wake up, people, this is not an overcorrection, it's fraud, and we need to keep trying to stop this."
52122,170,8,10,"What do you mean, ""keep trying""?"
52123,170,8,10,Barney is not who you think he is.
52124,170,8,10,What do you mean?
52125,170,8,10,"Well, he has a book of plays he uses to trick women into sleeping with him."
52126,170,8,10,"Oh, no way, Barney's my honey bear."
52127,170,8,10,"Actually, one of his plays is called The Honey Bear."
52128,170,8,10,"He dresses up like Winnie the Pooh, and the next thing you know, his hand's stuck in your pot."
52129,170,8,10,"Robin, you're a doll for worrying about me, but that doesn't sound at all like my Barney."
52130,170,8,10,"Why won't you let me help you, Patrice?!"
52131,170,8,10,"She can't see that Barney is using her, and it breaks my heart."
52132,170,8,10,"You know, I-I-I love Patrice."
52133,170,8,10,We're like sisters.
52134,170,8,10,You've never gotten through even one exchange without screaming at her.
52135,170,8,10,"Sisters fight, Ted!"
52136,170,8,10,But the bond is always there.
52137,170,8,10,Okay? Okay.
52138,170,8,10,"And that's why I need to steal The Playbook and show it to Patrice, so she'll believe me."
52139,170,8,10,Or you could do almost anything else and not sound so creepy.
52140,170,8,10,"Ted: Robin, seriously, this obsession isn't healthy."
52141,170,8,10,Just let it go.
52142,170,8,10,(sighs)
52143,170,8,10,Maybe you guys are right.
52144,170,8,10,(sighs)
52145,170,8,10,Thanks for talking some sense into me.
52146,170,8,10,(whirring)
52147,170,8,10,"Lily, can I ask you a question?"
52148,170,8,10,"If it's ""Did somebody put gravel in the couch cushions you're sleeping on,"" absolutely not."
52149,170,8,10,What would be the motive?
52150,170,8,10,"No, it's not that."
52151,170,8,10,"Uh, don't tell Marshall because he's not ready, but I think I might want to get back out there and meet a nice man."
52152,170,8,10,"Wow, that's great, Judy."
52153,170,8,10,And I thought you might be able to help because you always look so good.
52154,170,8,10,You think I look good?
52155,170,8,10,"I mean, you dress like a Duluth streetwalker, but my son seems to like it."
52156,170,8,10,I'll take it.
52157,170,8,10,"So, any advice?"
52158,170,8,10,"Well, first I'd throw out any giant sweater with a horse on it."
52159,170,8,10,"Even the ones...? Even the ones that have manes with real horse hair, yes."
52160,170,8,10,"And second, I'd let the gals out to play a little more."
52161,170,8,10,The gals?
52162,170,8,10,Oh... you mean the Minnesota Twins.
52163,170,8,10,
52164,170,8,10,"Narrator: Meanwhile, Robin was about to give up on ever finding The Playbook until..."
52165,170,8,10,"(beeps, hisses)"
52166,170,8,10,(choir singing)
52167,170,8,10,"Ugh, the Bro Code, damn it."
52168,170,8,10,"(beeps, hisses)"
52169,170,8,10,(sighs)
52170,170,8,10,(hissing)
52171,170,8,10,(choir singing)
52172,170,8,10,David Lee Roth's autobiography?
52173,170,8,10,Crap.
52174,170,8,10,(sighs)
52175,170,8,10,"""To the best wingman ever. ""We'll always have Panama."
52176,170,8,10,"Love, Diamond Dave."""
52177,170,8,10,(hissing)
52178,170,8,10,"Patrice, it's really nice of you to buy Robin a new purse, but it's not your fault that the other one got scratched."
52179,170,8,10,"Anyway, just get yourself over here."
52180,170,8,10,"I've got the tree, the decorations, and the know-how from Lethal Weapon 2"
52181,170,8,10,to pop that shoulder right back into place.
52182,170,8,10,"Yep, there is not one reason to leave this apartment for even a second tonight."
52183,170,8,10,Ow.
52184,170,8,10,How's my favorite architect? Other than incredibly handsome.
52185,170,8,10,"Hey, Mom."
52186,170,8,10,"No, it's Robin."
52187,170,8,10,What do you need?
52188,170,8,10,"For reasons that aren't important, I'm trapped in Barney's closet."
52189,170,8,10,"Help get me out, and I'll return your Weekend at Bernie's DVD."
52190,170,8,10,"No way, that's not enough to get me involved in your crazy mess."
52191,170,8,10,I'll also go with you to the five-day fan convention in the desert.
52192,170,8,10,You'll come with me to Bernie Man?
52193,170,8,10,"Yes, just hurry."
52194,170,8,10,JUDY (over baby monitor): Ooh... someone's excited to see me.
52195,170,8,10,Who's Mama's big boy?
52196,170,8,10,Who is Mama's big boy?
52197,170,8,10,Wait.
52198,170,8,10,Mickey: I am.
52199,170,8,10,Mickey?
52200,170,8,10,And I've been bad.
52201,170,8,10,Get off my mommy.
52202,170,8,10,(knocking)
52203,170,8,10,Hugh Hefner in your lobby right now.
52204,170,8,10,"I'm gonna grab my robe. ""Teddy's first Christmas""?"
52205,170,8,10,"Barney, are these my ornaments?"
52206,170,8,10,"That could be anyone's baby handprint, Ted."
52207,170,8,10,"Now, come on, Hef's old, but he moves like a cheetah."
52208,170,8,10,(sighing)
52209,170,8,10,(hissing)
52210,170,8,10,(choir singing)
52211,170,8,10,(gasping)
52212,170,8,10,Why would you do that... with Mickey?
52213,170,8,10,"I've been lonely, Marshall, and all the men in St. Cloud's idea of romance is taking me ice fishing."
52214,170,8,10,That was me and your father's thing.
52215,170,8,10,"Plus, call it an overcorrection, but it's kind of nice being with a sophisticated, big-city man."
52216,170,8,10,(belches)
52217,170,8,10,"You know, I don't know what the big deal is."
52218,170,8,10,You've been bumping uglies with my daughter for years.
52219,170,8,10,"The second I climb up on your mom, it's the end of the world?"
52220,170,8,10,(groans)
52221,170,8,10,How could you think that was Hef?
52222,170,8,10,It was an honest mistake.
52223,170,8,10,"That guy was black, Ted."
52224,170,8,10,I guess I just don't notice that kind of stuff.
52225,170,8,10,(hissing)
52226,170,8,10,(exclaims)
52227,170,8,10,(sighs)
52228,170,8,10,"We'll get to the grotto one day, my pet."
52229,170,8,10,One day.
52230,170,8,10,How's my favorite architect?
52231,170,8,10,Other than well-endowed.
52232,170,8,10,Mom?
52233,170,8,10,"No, it's Robin again."
52234,170,8,10,"Look, you've got to come back in and get my purse."
52235,170,8,10,"Nope, I'm done. Bye, Robin."
52236,170,8,10,Wait!
52237,170,8,10,What if I told you I was looking at your red cowboy boots right now?
52238,170,8,10,Describe them.
52239,170,8,10,They're red and they're cowboy boots.
52240,170,8,10,That's them!
52241,170,8,10,Why are they at Barney's?
52242,170,8,10,"Hey, Barney."
52243,170,8,10,Just returning Ted's boots I borrowed for Halloween.
52244,170,8,10,You were a cowboy?
52245,170,8,10,"No, my wife was Wonder Woman."
52246,170,8,10,Can you believe Ted thinks a guy can get laid wearing these?
52247,170,8,10,Challenge accepted.
52248,170,8,10,"Do you know what that sound is, Ted?"
52249,170,8,10,That's a red boot about to be savagely cut up by my pocketknife!
52250,170,8,10,You mean my pocketknife.
52251,170,8,10,I lent it to you two years ago.
52252,170,8,10,(knocking)
52253,170,8,10,Hey.
52254,170,8,10,Sorry about the Hugh Hefner mix-up.
52255,170,8,10,"But seriously, Jon Bon Jovi is downstairs."
52256,170,8,10,"You sure it isn't my landlady, Mrs. Takahashi?"
52257,170,8,10,I'm serious.
52258,170,8,10,The janitor just mopped the floor.
52259,170,8,10,"Bon Jovi is literally standing next to a sign that says ""Slippery When Wet."""
52260,170,8,10,Uh-uh. I want those ornaments back.
52261,170,8,10,(cell phone buzzes)
52262,170,8,10,(knocking at door)
52263,170,8,10,"Damn it, Ted!"
52264,170,8,10,You get those ornaments all year.
52265,170,8,10,I just need 'em for Christmas!
52266,170,8,10,"Oh. Hey, Patrice."
52267,170,8,10,Did you have any trouble finding Rudolph?
52268,170,8,10,"No, it was right on Ted's fire escape like you said."
52269,170,8,10,Are you sure he's okay with us borrowing it?
52270,170,8,10,Positive.
52271,170,8,10,I got your purse.
52272,170,8,10,"(whispering): Oh, Ted, you're the best!"
52273,170,8,10,But I'm trapped in Barney's living room closet.
52274,170,8,10,"Oh, Ted, you're the worst."
52275,170,8,10,"Okay, enough messing around."
52276,170,8,10,I'm calling in The Wolf.
52277,170,8,10,Lily? Lily.
52278,170,8,10,(phone ringing nearby)
52279,170,8,10,(ringing is louder)
52280,170,8,10,What are you doing here? What are you doing here?
52281,170,8,10,"(phone beeps) Hold on, Marshall's calling me on the other line."
52282,170,8,10,"Lily, I just saw the worst thing ever."
52283,170,8,10,"Kind of busy right now, Marshall."
52284,170,8,10,Quiet. He can hear you.
52285,170,8,10,"Who's ""he""?"
52286,170,8,10,He's coming! Everyone shut up!
52287,170,8,10,I'm just gonna grab this star to put on top of the tree.
52288,170,8,10,It's gonna be legend--
52289,170,8,10,wait for it-- merry!
52290,170,8,10,(sighs)
52291,170,8,10,"What are you doing here, Lily?"
52292,170,8,10,I've been using Barney's apartment to pump milk for Marvin.
52293,170,8,10,What?! Why?
52294,170,8,10,"Lily: Our apartment is so crowded these days, I don't get a minute to myself!"
52295,170,8,10,"I have a key to Barney's apartment, he has a kick-ass couch, and he DVR's all the Real Housewives shows, including the reunion specials."
52296,170,8,10,(whirring)
52297,170,8,10,What are you doing here?
52298,170,8,10,I came to get The Playbook so I could show Patrice who Barney really is.
52299,170,8,10,Why can't you just let them be happy?
52300,170,8,10,"Because they're not really happy, Lily!"
52301,170,8,10,"Barney: Patrice, can you grab my computer from the bedroom?"
52302,170,8,10,"I want to change my Facebook status to ""happy!"""
52303,170,8,10,You shouldn't have that.
52304,170,8,10,You're right.
52305,170,8,10,(sighs)
52306,170,8,10,What?
52307,170,8,10,Where is Ted?
52308,170,8,10,My label maker!
52309,170,8,10,No! I'm never coming out!
52310,170,8,10,"You know, Marshall, you've been in there for a while now."
52311,170,8,10,And I couldn't help but notice you chugged that Super Big Gulp.
52312,170,8,10,"It's not gonna work, Mickey."
52313,170,8,10,My bladder's as big as your betrayal!
52314,170,8,10,"I see. So it's not gonna bother you to think about leaky faucets or open hydrants, or rushing rivers, or..."
52315,170,8,10,"Oh, God, I got to pee. Oh!"
52316,170,8,10,What is this?
52317,170,8,10,Where did you find that?
52318,170,8,10,"I didn't want to believe that this existed, but is this... The Playbook?"
52319,170,8,10,(whispering): Let's see him lie his way out of this one.
52320,170,8,10,"Yes, it is."
52321,170,8,10,These are all the tricks I used to get women to sleep with me.
52322,170,8,10,"What do you mean, tricks?"
52323,170,8,10,"Like... ""The Two-Can-Play-at-That Game."""
52324,170,8,10,Can I help you?
52325,170,8,10,"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but... my wife is having an affair with your husband."
52326,170,8,10,I even found a list of every dirty way they've enjoyed each others' bodies.
52327,170,8,10,I wish there was some way we could get back at them.
52328,170,8,10,There is.
52329,170,8,10,We can kill them. (laughs)
52330,170,8,10,I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this...
52331,170,8,10,You're not who I thought you were.
52332,170,8,10,"Patrice, I..."
52333,170,8,10,I need some air.
52334,170,8,10,I...
52335,170,8,10,"Come on, Patrice, you..."
52336,170,8,10,You have got to be kidding me.
52337,170,8,10,Wait. Is that my mini-cooler?!
52338,170,8,10,"Not now, Ted. Let's go!"
52339,170,8,10,Shh! Shh!
52340,170,8,10,"Patrice, I have done some sleazy stuff to seduce women, but I want to be a better person."
52341,170,8,10,You make me want to be a better person.
52342,170,8,10,I can't be with a man who has a playbook.
52343,170,8,10,I understand.
52344,170,8,10,Whoa.
52345,170,8,10,Whoa!
52346,170,8,10,Whoa!
52347,170,8,10,Whoa!
52348,170,8,10,Is that my garbage can?!
52349,170,8,10,I knew you were a keeper.
52350,170,8,10,(laughs)
52351,170,8,10,Oh.
52352,170,8,10,"(rapid, rhythmic beeping, Barney sighs)"
52353,170,8,10,I should go explain this to the super.
52354,170,8,10,"Hey, come with. There's a small chance Jon Bon Jovi's down in the lobby. ""You Give Love a Bad Name"" is the first track on my ""Get Psyched"" mix!"
52355,170,8,10,"Mine, too!"
52356,170,8,10,(sighing)
52357,170,8,10,You still don't believe those two are for real?
52358,170,8,10,I'll take that.
52359,170,8,10,The Ted Mosby Store is officially closed.
52360,170,8,10,What spilled in here?
52361,170,8,10,Breast milk.
52362,170,8,10,"Seriously, I give and give, and all I ask back is a little bit of respect."
52363,170,8,10,(sighs)
52364,170,8,10,(laughs)
52365,170,8,10,"Okay, so tonight got weird."
52366,170,8,10,You have no idea.
52367,170,8,10,My mom's apparently ready to get back out there.
52368,170,8,10,"Marshall, she told me all about it, and I was happy to help."
52369,170,8,10,You helped?! Why?
52370,170,8,10,"I know it's hard to think of your mom as a woman with needs, but you have to let her get out there and rediscover her sexuality with someone special."
52371,170,8,10,"Oh, you don't know."
52372,170,8,10,"No, uh, Marshall, I do know."
52373,170,8,10,You just think it's gross because it's your parent.
52374,170,8,10,But you know what?
52375,170,8,10,It's beautiful. Mm.
52376,170,8,10,My mom and your dad are humping.
52377,170,8,10,(retching)
52378,170,8,10,I think you should be happy for them.
52379,170,8,10,What? Why?
52380,170,8,10,What is good about this?
52381,170,8,10,"Well, first of all, respect to Mickey."
52382,170,8,10,Your mom's a piece.
52383,170,8,10,"She's no Ted's mom, but she's a piece."
52384,170,8,10,"And secondly, I mean, it's nice that they found each other."
52385,170,8,10,"Sometimes you fall for someone you'd never expect, but that doesn't make it wrong."
52386,170,8,10,Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy?
52387,170,8,10,I guess none of us thought of it that way.
52388,170,8,10,Next round's on me.
52389,170,8,10,(sighs)
52390,170,8,10,Wow.
52391,170,8,10,I know.
52392,170,8,10,Barney's lost it.
52393,170,8,10,He needs an intervention.
52394,170,8,10,Oh! Oh! Oh...
52395,170,8,10,"Robin, after everything we've seen, do you still think Barney's faking this?"
52396,170,8,10,"No, but we have to stop it."
52397,170,8,10,Barney is not Barney anymore.
52398,170,8,10,"Well, people change."
52399,170,8,10,But not this fast and this drastically.
52400,170,8,10,"This is a cry for help, okay?"
52401,170,8,10,"If I was out of control, I would want you guys to help me."
52402,170,8,10,"So, what do you say? Intervention?"
52403,170,8,10,Intervention.
52404,170,8,10,(sighs)
52405,170,8,10,"Oh, good. You're all here."
52406,170,8,10,"Um, when Barney shows up, it's important for him not to feel ganged up on, so, let's start with, um, ""We love you, and we're worried about you."""
52407,170,8,10,"All: We love you, and we're worried about you."
52408,170,8,10,Oh. Great.
52409,170,8,10,"But you know, with less pity in your eyes."
52410,170,8,10,"Sweetie, sit down."
52411,170,8,10,"Uh, no. Only the person getting the intervention sits down."
52412,170,8,10,All: Yeah.
52413,170,8,10,Oh.
52414,170,8,10,Please tell me this is about my drinking.
52415,170,8,10,Damn it.
52416,170,8,10,"So, we, um... we just wanted to say that we're sorry for the way that we acted when we found out about you two."
52417,170,8,10,"Your happiness is what is most important, so, if you two want to date, it's okay by us."
52418,170,8,10,Who said anything about dating?
52419,170,8,10,This is just about s*x.
52420,171,8,11,Can I get you guys anything to drink?
52421,171,8,11,"Both: Scotch, neat."
52422,171,8,11,Jinx.
52423,171,8,11,(gasps)
52424,171,8,11,"Oh, my..."
52425,171,8,11,God.
52426,171,8,11,"Narrator: Kids, you may be wondering why five adults in their 30s would take a jinx so seriously."
52427,171,8,11,It all started one day five years ago.
52428,171,8,11,"Ooh, Van Helsing."
52429,171,8,11,"Ooh, Van Helsing."
52430,171,8,11,Jinx. You're jinxed.
52431,171,8,11,"That means that you can't speak until someone who was present for the jinx says your name, or else you will have very bad luck."
52432,171,8,11,(scoffs)
52433,171,8,11,That's ridiculous.
52434,171,8,11,(both gasp)
52435,171,8,11,You broke the jinx.
52436,171,8,11,"Marshall, I'm a grown-ass man."
52437,171,8,11,I'm on my building's co-op board.
52438,171,8,11,"When I say a Pinot Noir tastes luxuriously earthy with a hint of rhubarb, I'm not faking it."
52439,171,8,11,I've had several of the same sexual partners as Henry Kissinger.
52440,171,8,11,I'm not about to stop talking just because I was jinxed.
52441,171,8,11,"Narrator: Barney broke three limbs and two vertebrae, but he never broke another jinx."
52442,171,8,11,"In fact, he started taking jinxes way too seriously."
52443,171,8,11,"Barney, I'm on hold with Sports Talk AM to talk to my childhood hero from the Minnesota Twins."
52444,171,8,11,Who's your childhood hero?
52445,171,8,11,Frank Viola. Frank Viola--
52446,171,8,11,jinx!
52447,171,8,11,"(over phone): Hello, this is Frank."
52448,171,8,11,Anyone there?
52449,171,8,11,Hello?
52450,171,8,11,"I can hear you breathing, you coward."
52451,171,8,11,"Narrator: So, when someone finally jinxed Barney for the first time in years, we were pretty psyched."
52452,171,8,11,The reign of terror is over!
52453,171,8,11,"I've had this cigar in my pocket for two years, waiting for this moment."
52454,171,8,11,"Aw, that would've been good about two years ago."
52455,171,8,11,Cheers.
52456,171,8,11,(all whooping)
52457,171,8,11,Huzzah! Huzzah.
52458,171,8,11,"Lily: Oh, oh, oh, you want us to say your name and un-jinx you?"
52459,171,8,11,"I don't think so, pal."
52460,171,8,11,This is gonna be a long jinx.
52461,171,8,11,Like Yom Kippur services long.
52462,171,8,11,"The only difference is, Yom Kippur's a fast and this one's gonna be a slow."
52463,171,8,11,"Oh! ROBIN: Now, Ted, I was wondering if you could expand upon what you were saying earlier about antiquated currency."
52464,171,8,11,"Ah, yes, yes."
52465,171,8,11,"Contrary to popular belief, the buffalo nickel was modeled on the Black Diamond bison rather than the more iconic Western Plains bison."
52466,171,8,11,"To wit, if President Taft had had his way, we'd all be talking about the egret nickel."
52467,171,8,11,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x11-12 ♪
52468,171,8,11,"The Final Page, Part One and Two"
52469,171,8,11,"Original Air Date on December 17, 2012"
52470,171,8,11,"Narrator: In the winter of 2012 the skyscraper that I designed was about to open, which got me thinking about the most influential architecture professor I ever had."
52471,171,8,11,"So when the children of our grandchildren's children ask us ""Who were we,"" they'll find the answer carved into the granite poetry of our architecture."
52472,171,8,11,Okay.
52473,171,8,11,It doesn't get any better than that.
52474,171,8,11,Class dismissed.
52475,171,8,11,"Wow, just wow."
52476,171,8,11,Do you need something?
52477,171,8,11,I have an apple I was hoping to eat in silence.
52478,171,8,11,"Of course, Professor Vinick, I, um, I-I sketched out a design, and it'd be such an honor if you took a look at it."
52479,171,8,11,"Oh, well."
52480,171,8,11,It is believed that it took the pharaohs over 100 years to build the Sphinx.
52481,171,8,11,So... you think...
52482,171,8,11,I should spend more time on it?
52483,171,8,11,"Oh, dear God, no."
52484,171,8,11,This is terrible.
52485,171,8,11,"Then, why'd you mention the Sphinx?"
52486,171,8,11,(laughs)
52487,171,8,11,I find my mind is often with the Sphinx.
52488,171,8,11,"Anyway, you'll never be an architect."
52489,171,8,11,You'll never be an architect.
52490,171,8,11,You'll never be an architect.
52491,171,8,11,(laughing): You'll never be an architect!
52492,171,8,11,"Well, guess what."
52493,171,8,11,"I sent Professor Vinick the invitation to the opening of my building, so he'll see that I did become an architect, and that I've moved past his petty, hurtful words."
52494,171,8,11,Robin: Wow.
52495,171,8,11,15 years later and you're still this obsessed.
52496,171,8,11,"Yeah, if Vinick ever goes missing, the cops are gonna come looking for him in your basement."
52497,171,8,11,"Totally, he's Ted's pit guy."
52498,171,8,11,How dare you?
52499,171,8,11,And what is that?
52500,171,8,11,A pit guy is someone you've been obsessed with for so long...
52501,171,8,11,that it's driven you crazy enough to throw them in a pit in your basement like in The Silence of the Lambs.
52502,171,8,11,(screaming)
52503,171,8,11,(laughing)
52504,171,8,11,I'm not gonna Silence of the Lambs him.
52505,171,8,11,"At most, I'd Revenge of the Nerds him."
52506,171,8,11,Though I don't see a scenario where he agrees to play me in a pentathlon.
52507,171,8,11,"Yeah, I'm with Ted-- there is no one I hate enough to throw into a pit."
52508,171,8,11,What?
52509,171,8,11,"Narrator: When Robin's most hated coworker Patrice started dating Barney, she became obsessed."
52510,171,8,11,"Patrice, Patrice goes in your pit."
52511,171,8,11,"Guys, I told you, I am done obsessing about Patrice."
52512,171,8,11,Just drop her.
52513,171,8,11,Drop her in a pit.
52514,171,8,11,Enough.
52515,171,8,11,"We all have people that we would throw in our pits, and I'm sure we all have people who would like to throw us in their pits."
52516,171,8,11,"Yeah, if Marshall or I ever go missing, I'll tell you whose basement to look in."
52517,171,8,11,Daryl LaCourte.
52518,171,8,11,"Oh, no."
52519,171,8,11,It's creepy Daryl.
52520,171,8,11,Let's get out of here before he sees us.
52521,171,8,11,"Hey, hot sack coming through."
52522,171,8,11,Ha... ha...
52523,171,8,11,"Hi, Daryl. Hey, Daryl. Hey!"
52524,171,8,11,I feel like I never see you guys anymore.
52525,171,8,11,"Like whenever I'm getting to a party, you're just leaving."
52526,171,8,11,Even that party at your place--
52527,171,8,11,you guys just raced off into the night at 7:30.
52528,171,8,11,That's weird.
52529,171,8,11,But this is great-- the three hackmigos back together again.
52530,171,8,11,"We played Hacky Sack together once freshman year, Daryl."
52531,171,8,11,Once.
52532,171,8,11,"November 14, 1996."
52533,171,8,11,That is the best memory ever.
52534,171,8,11,Sure.
52535,171,8,11,(grunts)
52536,171,8,11,The three hackmigos for life.
52537,171,8,11,"To this day, we are still getting e-mails and posts from Daryl."
52538,171,8,11,"He has commented on every photo of Baby Marvin we have ever posted, and then he comments on his own comments."
52539,171,8,11,(door opens)
52540,171,8,11,(all clamoring excitedly)
52541,171,8,11,"Hey, guys, look, it's Bar... none, my favorite non-speaking jinxed person in the world."
52542,171,8,11,How was your day?
52543,171,8,11,"Yeah, I didn't get a word of that."
52544,171,8,11,"Sorry, buddy."
52545,171,8,11,"Ah, Scherbatsky, it's my favorite time of year."
52546,171,8,11,Didn't know you liked Christmas so much.
52547,171,8,11,"No, year-end reviews."
52548,171,8,11,We get to fire some people.
52549,171,8,11,Get into the spirit.
52550,171,8,11,"Look, Sandy, you might enjoy firing people for petty personal differences."
52551,171,8,11,I'd hardly call giving me gonorrhea a petty personal difference.
52552,171,8,11,"But I am a professional, and I would never fire someone for unprofessional reasons."
52553,171,8,11,"Well, somebody's got to go."
52554,171,8,11,"Narrator: Kids, the thing about pit people, sometimes you don't even know you have one until you have a chance to push 'em in."
52555,171,8,11,"Hi, Robin."
52556,171,8,11,"Not happening, bro."
52557,171,8,11,"Not happening, bro."
52558,171,8,11,Hand get tired?
52559,171,8,11,"Not happening, bro."
52560,171,8,11,I hold in my hand the RSVP from Professor Vinick.
52561,171,8,11,Uh-huh.
52562,171,8,11,"Ah, he's checked ""Will not attend,"" which is fine, because all I needed to know was that he knows."
52563,171,8,11,So now I will throw this in the trash and never look at it.
52564,171,8,11,"What's this? ""I believe you've sent this to the wrong person."
52565,171,8,11,"I have no idea who Ted Mosby is."""
52566,171,8,11,Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
52567,171,8,11,"Oh, you'll remember who I am, Professor Vinick."
52568,171,8,11,You'll never forget it.
52569,171,8,11,"Not happening, bro."
52570,171,8,11,"Ted, just because we're coming with you to Wesleyan does not mean that we condone your behavior."
52571,171,8,11,Just using it as an excuse to see the old campus... and maybe watch you have a complete mental breakdown.
52572,171,8,11,What are you even gonna do when you see Professor Vinick?
52573,171,8,11,"Oh, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do."
52574,171,8,11,"Sweet merciful Franks Gehry and Lloyd Wright, from what brilliant mind was this work of art sired?"
52575,171,8,11,Mosby.
52576,171,8,11,Ted Mosby.
52577,171,8,11,(coughing): Architect.
52578,171,8,11,But that's-that's...
52579,171,8,11,Impossible?
52580,171,8,11,"Looks like you were wrong, Vinick."
52581,171,8,11,Dead wrong.
52582,171,8,11,(distorted): No!
52583,171,8,11,(yells)
52584,171,8,11,(laughs)
52585,171,8,11,"Be careful, Ted."
52586,171,8,11,Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want.
52587,171,8,11,Especially dance-
52588,171,8,11,based revenge.
52589,171,8,11,"My prom was rough, guys."
52590,171,8,11,Lily: Ooh!
52591,171,8,11,We're almost there.
52592,171,8,11,"Oh, I can't wait to see the old campus."
52593,171,8,11,I'm gonna grab one of those giant dining hall hot dogs.
52594,171,8,11,"Oh, I love those huge wieners."
52595,171,8,11,I'm not so sure you heard me.
52596,171,8,11,"I said, ""I love those huge wieners."""
52597,171,8,11,I love them.
52598,171,8,11,In my mouth.
52599,171,8,11,"So, let me ask you a few questions, Clarice... Patrice."
52600,171,8,11,How would you rate your performance in the last six months?
52601,171,8,11,"Well, I don't like to talk about myself, but all my coworkers deserve an A-double-plus, that's for suresies."
52602,171,8,11,"Ooh, fancy lotion."
52603,171,8,11,It puts the lotion in the basket.
52604,171,8,11,"It's just, this is really nice lotion."
52605,171,8,11,"And what a pretty basket, Robin."
52606,171,8,11,"I know, that's why I bought it, Patrice!"
52607,171,8,11,"Man, it's like nothing has changed. Mmm, I know."
52608,171,8,11,"The bun, the relish."
52609,171,8,11,That's a knee.
52610,171,8,11,"It's a beautifully drawn knee, so?"
52611,171,8,11,That's a barn.
52612,171,8,11,"Oh, knee barn, right."
52613,171,8,11,"That's a great idea, Lily."
52614,171,8,11,"On the way home, we should stop at the knee barn, pick us up some wholesale knees. Yeah."
52615,171,8,11,Man: Marshall? Lily!
52616,171,8,11,You... you're here.
52617,171,8,11,"Hi, Daryl."
52618,171,8,11,"(quietly): Hi, Daryl."
52619,171,8,11,Hi.
52620,171,8,11,"Wow, after all these years."
52621,171,8,11,You look just like you do in my paintings.
52622,171,8,11,"Come here, guys."
52623,171,8,11,(grunts)
52624,171,8,11,There are men and there are gods.
52625,171,8,11,Antoni Gaudí was both.
52626,171,8,11,Ted: There are jerk faces and there are buttholes.
52627,171,8,11,Professor Vinick was both.
52628,171,8,11,"Good one, Ted."
52629,171,8,11,"Come on, Vinick, give me an opening."
52630,171,8,11,Gaudí's architecture gave expression to the anarchic geometric form of nature.
52631,171,8,11,"TED (mocking): ""Gaudí's architecture..."""
52632,171,8,11,"Actually, that's a really good point."
52633,171,8,11,"♪ Wow, Professor Vinick"
52634,171,8,11,"♪ Man, you taught me so much"
52635,171,8,11,♪ About architecture and life
52636,171,8,11,"♪ God, your lectures are so cool ♪♪ I'll earn your respect and we'll be best friends. ♪"
52637,171,8,11,"Okay, it doesn't get any better than that."
52638,171,8,11,(sniffles)
52639,171,8,11,"No, it doesn't."
52640,171,8,11,"What are you doing here, Daryl?"
52641,171,8,11,"Well, I live right down the street."
52642,171,8,11,But I work right here.
52643,171,8,11,"Whoa. Oh, boy."
52644,171,8,11,Marshall: Are those...
52645,171,8,11,"(clears throat) ...our, our faces up there, buddy?"
52646,171,8,11,"Hack, yeah!"
52647,171,8,11,It was just as much your idea as mine to open up a Hacky Sack store here at Wesleyan.
52648,171,8,11,So you never left?
52649,171,8,11,"Once. I met a girl on Craigslist, and I flew to Boston to meet her."
52650,171,8,11,"She was a man, 300 pounds, and robbed me."
52651,171,8,11,"Still, the best night of my life."
52652,171,8,11,Until now!
52653,171,8,11,The three hackmigos back together again!
52654,171,8,11,"You know, I've been waiting forever to give you something."
52655,171,8,11,"You're coming with me to my house, and I'm not taking no for an answer."
52656,171,8,11,"Barney: Dude, this is your chance."
52657,171,8,11,"Set me free, and I will lie you out of this creepynightmare."
52658,171,8,11,Marshall: This is a tough one.
52659,171,8,11,"On the one hand, we might die."
52660,171,8,11,"On the other, you're jinxed."
52661,171,8,11,"Barney: Let me free, Marshall."
52662,171,8,11,This guy could be violent.
52663,171,8,11,Marshall: Violent... Viola...
52664,171,8,11,Frank Viola.
52665,171,8,11,"We would love to come to your house, Daryl!"
52666,171,8,11,Yeah!
52667,171,8,11,"Okay, um... how often are you and Barney doing it?"
52668,171,8,11,"That's a strange question, Robin."
52669,171,8,11,You're right.
52670,171,8,11,Maybe I should leave.
52671,171,8,11,"Yeah, maybe you should."
52672,171,8,11,You're fired.
52673,171,8,11,Wow. Just wow.
52674,171,8,11,Ted Mosby. I'm a former student of yours.
52675,171,8,11,"You know, I actually became an architect."
52676,171,8,11,Any chance you remember me?
52677,171,8,11,"Oh, please excuse me, I've been teaching for over 20 years."
52678,171,8,11,"All the faces start to blend together unless you have a, a weird mustache or, or something."
52679,171,8,11,"Junior year I tried to grow muttonchops, but people kept saying my face made them nauseous."
52680,171,8,11,"Well, not people. You."
52681,171,8,11,"Anyway, I would be honored if you, if you took a look at my building."
52682,171,8,11,This... is hideous.
52683,171,8,11,You'll never be an architect.
52684,171,8,11,(echoing): You'll never be an architect.
52685,171,8,11,You'll never be an architect. You'll never be an architect!
52686,171,8,11,You'll never be an architect.
52687,171,8,11,Wait. I was mistaken.
52688,171,8,11,You most definitely will be an architect.
52689,171,8,11,Really?
52690,171,8,11,"These are astonishing, Handlebar Pete."
52691,171,8,11,"So, when you said ""surprise in your house,"" what you really meant was ""surprise in the poorly lit windowless basement of your house."""
52692,171,8,11,"Oh, you guys are gonna love what I have to show you."
52693,171,8,11,"I am so excited, I could just cry and laugh and scream and just punch the wall over and over and over and over and over!"
52694,171,8,11,"Could we just see it, like, up in the living room or anywhere less... gimp-storagey?"
52695,171,8,11,(laughs)
52696,171,8,11,I just realized I want to take a picture of this.
52697,171,8,11,I want to put your faces on my mantel like a trophy.
52698,171,8,11,Like a trophy!
52699,171,8,11,Aah...! Aah...!
52700,171,8,11,(singsongy): Here I come.
52701,171,8,11,And I've got your surprise right here!
52702,171,8,11,"No! We don't want your surprise, Daryl!"
52703,171,8,11,"We're not your amigos, we're definitely not your hackmigos."
52704,171,8,11,"And before you murder us, you should know that we have a child!"
52705,171,8,11,He probably has eight or nine!
52706,171,8,11,What? Murder?
52707,171,8,11,I wanted to give you a cheque.
52708,171,8,11,"For $100,000... for coming up with the idea of the Three Hackmigos with me."
52709,171,8,11,I brought you down here to show you all my inventory.
52710,171,8,11,Business has really exploded.
52711,171,8,11,(laughs)
52712,171,8,11,"I mean, I'm sort of the Mark Zuckerberg of jam-band concert parking lot athletics."
52713,171,8,11,"Well, second."
52714,171,8,11,"But I'm coming for you, Devil Stick Ron."
52715,171,8,11,(screaming)
52716,171,8,11,Why would you fire me?
52717,171,8,11,Because nobody should be as happy as you are.
52718,171,8,11,And also your cookies... they're only pretty good.
52719,171,8,11,(gasps)
52720,171,8,11,"Robin, is this really about me?"
52721,171,8,11,"(voice breaking): No, it's not."
52722,171,8,11,"The old ""fire and bang."" Respect, Scherbatsky."
52723,171,8,11,"Pretty good, right? Right, Handlebar Pete?"
52724,171,8,11,"Ah, you got it easy with that sweet, sweet 'stache."
52725,171,8,11,"Hey, Ted, I see you're holding a little version of your building and yelling at strangers."
52726,171,8,11,So I assume it all worked out?
52727,171,8,11,"I realized, since I work in a three-dimensional medium, the only way to really stick it to Vinick would be with a three-dimensional model."
52728,171,8,11,"Whatever you do, don't march in there thinking, ""I'm gonna do the worm."
52729,171,8,11,"That'll show 'em!"""
52730,171,8,11,"Seriously, guys, I can't stress enough how bad my prom was."
52731,171,8,11,Speaking of the past...
52732,171,8,11,"Wow, we feel like idiots. We're sorry."
52733,171,8,11,"You know, honestly, it's fine."
52734,171,8,11,Look how great I'm doing.
52735,171,8,11,Look at what I've built. I don't need the validation of some people from college to feel good about myself.
52736,171,8,11,My life is amazing!
52737,171,8,11,I own a timeshare in St. Barts with P-Funk!
52738,171,8,11,"The, the whole band?"
52739,171,8,11,Yeah.
52740,171,8,11,Do you guys jam?
52741,171,8,11,That's all we do.
52742,171,8,11,(all gasp)
52743,171,8,11,"So, you completely rejected the guy who's been obsessing about you for 16 years, and he was okay with it?"
52744,171,8,11,Whoa.
52745,171,8,11,Is creepy Daryl more emotionally adjusted than I am?
52746,171,8,11,"Narrator: Kids, sometimes in life you'll make a pit for someone in your mind."
52747,171,8,11,But ultimately the only person in that pit is yourself.
52748,171,8,11,I'm sorry.
52749,171,8,11,"Just seeing you with Barney has brought up some old feelings, and I..."
52750,171,8,11,I really don't like feelings.
52751,171,8,11,But that's not your fault or Barney's fault.
52752,171,8,11,It's just really hard seeing you with him.
52753,171,8,11,♪ There's been a book on the side of the bed... ♪
52754,171,8,11,Narrator: Which means there's only one person who can let you out of the pit.
52755,171,8,11,♪ Many years from now
52756,171,8,11,♪ I know you'll hear me somehow... ♪
52757,171,8,11,So you fired Patrice?
52758,171,8,11,"No, she's staying."
52759,171,8,11,♪ The places we will go...
52760,171,8,11,"Let's get out of here, guys."
52761,171,8,11,"Oh, Mr. Mosby."
52762,171,8,11,You built a model of your building.
52763,171,8,11,No.
52764,171,8,11,Why? To prove some sort of point?
52765,171,8,11,This is just sad.
52766,171,8,11,"No, no, I was just throwing it out."
52767,171,8,11,"Sure, you were."
52768,171,8,11,No!
52769,171,8,11,"No, I-I-I had a transcendent moment where I found emotional clarity!"
52770,171,8,11,"And I realize shouting that makes it seem like it's not true, but I did!"
52771,171,8,11,"Yeah, we're gonna grab some snacks."
52772,171,8,11,You guys want anything?
52773,171,8,11,Spicy beef jerky.
52774,171,8,11,Got you loud and clear.
52775,171,8,11,(sighs)
52776,171,8,11,"Oh, my God! Barney!"
52777,171,8,11,You unjinxed me!
52778,171,8,11,"I'm free! If the bison on the nickel could hear you talk about them, they would diminish their population even further on purpose."
52779,171,8,11,"If Lily wants a big wiener in her mouth, she's got my number."
52780,171,8,11,And I'm sorry that you took the rap for all the farting on the car ride up here. That was me! (sighs)
52781,171,8,11,"The ring! What's, what's, what's the ring?"
52782,171,8,11,"Right, the ring. I'm gonna ask Patrice to marry me."
52783,171,8,11,Both: Are you serious?
52784,171,8,11,Jinx! Good!
52785,171,8,11,I need to say some things without you interrupting.
52786,171,8,11,"Yes, I am serious. I know that if you could talk, you'd say that I'm crazy or that I'm overcorrecting or that I'm moving too fast."
52787,171,8,11,But you would be wrong.
52788,171,8,11,"Look, I have banged my way through every bimbo in the tristate area, and it left me feeling nothing but, but broken."
52789,171,8,11,"But now, with Patrice, for the first time in my life, I feel settled and happy."
52790,171,8,11,I want to feel this way forever.
52791,171,8,11,So tomorrow night on the roof of the World Wide News building--
52792,171,8,11,that's Patrice's favorite spot--
52793,171,8,11,I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
52794,171,8,11,"Ah, poot-tu-tat! You're jinxed."
52795,171,8,11,"I'll unjinx you if you'll follow these two rules: one: you can't try to talk me out of it, and two: you can't tell anybody. Agreed?"
52796,171,8,11,"It's a jinx swear, so if you break it, I get to hit you in the nuts three times with a Wiffle ball bat."
52797,171,8,11,Thank you... Ted.
52798,171,8,11,Hey...
52799,171,8,11,"Hi, guys!"
52800,171,8,11,No. But you're jinxed!
52801,171,8,11,I tricked Ted into saying my name.
52802,171,8,11,"All: Aw, come on, Ted!"
52803,171,8,11,Jinx! Jinx! Ha-ha!
52804,171,8,11,The reign of terror is back! (evil laugh)
52805,171,8,11,"Hey, if you guys don't want me to smoke or fart in here, just speak up."
52806,171,8,11,Nothing? Great.
52807,171,8,11,"Thanks for the spicy beef jerky, dude."
52808,171,8,11,"Anyway, I think we could all use a little quiet."
52809,171,8,11,"Unless you have something you want to talk about, Ted?"
52810,171,8,11,No.
52811,171,8,11,(engine starts)
52812,171,8,11,"Not happening, bro."
52813,171,8,11,
52814,171,8,11,Narrator: So I had promised not to tell anyone about Barney's plan to propose to Patrice.
52815,171,8,11,But I knew deep down Robin deserved to know.
52816,171,8,11,"Uh, there he is! The youngest architect ever to build a skyscraper in New York City!"
52817,171,8,11,The shockingly still single Ted Mosby.
52818,171,8,11,"You hear that, ladies?"
52819,171,8,11,I can't believe the GNB Tower opens tonight.
52820,171,8,11,"Ted, your building finally gets unveiled to the whole world."
52821,171,8,11,(gasps)
52822,171,8,11,"You hear that, ladies?!"
52823,171,8,11,Nervous?
52824,171,8,11,Everything comes out of my body in liquid form now.
52825,171,8,11,"Ignore that, ladies."
52826,171,8,11,"Plus, I, I keep having this nightmare where King Kong shows up to the opening but refuses to climb my building because, in his words, ""It's a bit derivative."""
52827,171,8,11,"Oh, stop it, tonight is gonna be amazing."
52828,171,8,11,"And we are definitely gonna be there to toast you, but we might have to leave a little early if that's okay."
52829,171,8,11,My dad just gave us the most amazing Christmas gift ever.
52830,171,8,11,Our first night away since Marvin was born.
52831,171,8,11,24 hours straight without that little b*st*rd.
52832,171,8,11,Robin: Aw.
52833,171,8,11,This will be a nice memory to share with Marvin when he's older and deciding whether or not to put you in a home.
52834,171,8,11,"Hey, we need this."
52835,171,8,11,We're maximizing our time away by planning everything down to the minute.
52836,171,8,11,See?
52837,171,8,11,2:12 p.m.-- guilt Ted into saying it's okay if we leave early tonight.
52838,171,8,11,It's okay if you leave early tonight.
52839,171,8,11,"Look, I just appreciate you showing up at all on your big night away."
52840,171,8,11,"I mean, Barney's not even gonna be there."
52841,171,8,11,What?
52842,171,8,11,This is the biggest night of your career.
52843,171,8,11,Why isn't Barney coming?
52844,171,8,11,I don't know--
52845,171,8,11,"he said, ""Legendary"" and ""Challenge accepted,"" and then he winked. ""Wait for it,"" you know, all that stuff."
52846,171,8,11,That does sound like him.
52847,171,8,11,"Well, we're your real friends and we wouldn't miss it for the world."
52848,171,8,11,That is why we will see you tonight from 7:03 to 7:14.
52849,171,8,11,"Bye, guys. Good night. Bye."
52850,171,8,11,"Okay, what's the real reason Barney's not coming?"
52851,171,8,11,Narrator: Here was my chance to tell Robin about Barney.
52852,171,8,11,"Yeah, actually, Barney didn't say what he was doing tonight."
52853,171,8,11,"Anyway, uh, you know, I'm not taking anyone to the opening, so you want to be my date?"
52854,171,8,11,Sure.
52855,171,8,11,"Okay, Dad, I-I made you a list of Marvin's nightly schedule down to the minute."
52856,171,8,11,Okay.
52857,171,8,11,"Uh, ""9:06 p.m.--"
52858,171,8,11,"put on edible underwear."""
52859,171,8,11,"Wrong list, wrong list."
52860,171,8,11,"Come on, relax."
52861,171,8,11,I know this little guy like the back of my hand.
52862,171,8,11,"Dear Lord, what is that?"
52863,171,8,11,"Oh, jam, okay."
52864,171,8,11,Just jam.
52865,171,8,11,"Oh, I-I forgot the lullaby."
52866,171,8,11,Do you know Marvin's lullaby?
52867,171,8,11,We sing it to him every night.
52868,171,8,11,"♪ Night, night, little Marvin ♪"
52869,171,8,11,♪ Stars twinkle for you
52870,171,8,11,♪ The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' ♪♪ All your dreams will come true ♪
52871,171,8,11,"♪ And the horsie says, ""Good night"" ♪♪ And the birdie says, ""Good night"" ♪"
52872,171,8,11,"♪ And the elephant says, ""Good night"" ♪♪ And the skeleton playing his own rib cage ♪"
52873,171,8,11,"♪ Says, ""Good Night"""
52874,171,8,11,"♪ And the robot says, ""Good night"" ♪"
52875,171,8,11,(robot voice): Good night.
52876,171,8,11,(knocking on ceiling)
52877,171,8,11,Man: Enough with the damn music!
52878,171,8,11,"♪ And Mr. Nesbit says, ""Good night"" ♪♪ And the whole world says, ""Good night"" ♪"
52879,171,8,11,"Take it, Mommy."
52880,171,8,11,"Got it-- load him up with cough syrup, watch Breaking Bad"
52881,171,8,11,until he conks out.
52882,171,8,11,Just kidding.
52883,171,8,11,We did it.
52884,171,8,11,"Yeah, we did."
52885,171,8,11,"Now that we're out the door, I actually don't feel anxious."
52886,171,8,11,(phone rings)
52887,171,8,11,"Whoa, oh, my God, it's your dad!"
52888,171,8,11,"Oh, something horrible happened-- aah!"
52889,171,8,11,"Oh, it's Ted, relax."
52890,171,8,11,"Bar, now."
52891,171,8,11,What is it?
52892,171,8,11,He needs me.
52893,171,8,11,"But, baby, what about our magical romantic night?"
52894,171,8,11,In four minutes we're supposed to be doing hand stuff in the cab.
52895,171,8,11,I'll be quick--
52896,171,8,11,I'm sure it's nothing huge.
52897,171,8,11,That's huge.
52898,171,8,11,"Yeah, that's why Barney's not coming tonight."
52899,171,8,11,He's getting engaged.
52900,171,8,11,And I knew that I had to tell Robin.
52901,171,8,11,But?
52902,171,8,11,"I may have, uh... asked her to be my date instead."
52903,171,8,11,What is wrong with me?
52904,171,8,11,"Deep down, is there still some crazy part of me that thinks I'm gonna wind up with Robin?"
52905,171,8,11,Am I that deluded?
52906,171,8,11,"If so, I need to grow up."
52907,171,8,11,"Oh, um, by the way, I'm breaking a jinx swear here, so don't tell Barney or he gets to whack me in the nuts three times with a Wiffle ball bat."
52908,171,8,11,"Sure, pretty standard."
52909,171,8,11,Robin deserves the chance to go after Barney one last time if that's what she wants.
52910,171,8,11,"Thanks, buddy."
52911,171,8,11,This helped.
52912,171,8,11,I'm gonna go tell her.
52913,171,8,11,One quick thing. Yeah.
52914,171,8,11,Don't.
52915,171,8,11,Wow.
52916,171,8,11,Nice.
52917,171,8,11,"You know, now that I'm here, I don't feel that anxious."
52918,171,8,11,(phone rings)
52919,171,8,11,It's my dad--
52920,171,8,11,something horrible's happened!
52921,171,8,11,"My husband, relax."
52922,171,8,11,"Hey, um, I'm gonna be a little while, baby."
52923,171,8,11,"It's a long story, but Ted needs my help."
52924,171,8,11,"Okay, but hurry or I'm gonna start doing number 11 on my own."
52925,171,8,11,You can do that by yourself?
52926,171,8,11,"Pilates, bitch."
52927,171,8,11,"Okay, why shouldn't I tell Robin?"
52928,171,8,11,"Because deep down some crazy part of you still thinks you're gonna wind up with her, and I agree."
52929,171,8,11,"Marshall... I'm sorry, I'm Team Tedward."
52930,171,8,11,"Always have been, always will be."
52931,171,8,11,"Now, listen."
52932,171,8,11,I want my best friend to be happy.
52933,171,8,11,"And if Robin could mean happiness for you, then, dear God, why help her go after another man?"
52934,171,8,11,Because she might still be in love with him.
52935,171,8,11,"To not tell her, to not give her that chance, it's... it's selfish."
52936,171,8,11,So be selfish.
52937,171,8,11,I can't do that.
52938,171,8,11,"Tell that to the onion rings we just ""split."""
52939,171,8,11,(sighs)
52940,171,8,11,Robin is my friend.
52941,171,8,11,She's always been more than that and you know it.
52942,171,8,11,"Now, as we speak, my wife is in a hotel room cheating on me... with herself."
52943,171,8,11,But I'm not leaving here until you promise not to say a word about this to Robin.
52944,171,8,11,"Now repeat after me. ""I..."""
52945,171,8,11,"Well, I can do more at a time than ""I."" ""I, Ted Mosby, promise to stop ""putting everyone else's interests ahead of my own, and for once in my life, do what's best for me."""
52946,171,8,11,I...
52947,171,8,11,"Sorry, what was the rest of that?"
52948,171,8,11,"Hey, Dad, just taking a break from our amazing night to check in."
52949,171,8,11,"I bet Marvin's pretty devastated that I'm not there, huh?"
52950,171,8,11,Not at all-- I don't think he even noticed you're gone.
52951,171,8,11,It's kind of like Mommy who?
52952,171,8,11,(laughs)
52953,171,8,11,"Oh... oh, good."
52954,171,8,11,"But I should probably sing him his nighttime lullaby over the phone, just in case."
52955,171,8,11,Sang it already-- nailed it.
52956,171,8,11,Did you do the horsie?
52957,171,8,11,Yep. The birdie?
52958,171,8,11,Yep. Elephant?
52959,171,8,11,Yep. Moose.
52960,171,8,11,"No moose, trick question."
52961,171,8,11,Robot.
52962,171,8,11,(robot voice): Affirmative.
52963,171,8,11,"Look, I should go."
52964,171,8,11,Marvin's asleep in my arms.
52965,171,8,11,"Mmm, his head smells like love."
52966,171,8,11,Bye.
52967,171,8,11,(sighs)
52968,171,8,11,"Narrator: And so, kids, on that cold December night I decided to take your Uncle Marshall's advice and be a little selfish."
52969,171,8,11,Whoa.
52970,171,8,11,Hello... and hubba-hubba.
52971,171,8,11,"Aw, thanks."
52972,171,8,11,But tonight is about my main man Mosby.
52973,171,8,11,Really? Why?
52974,171,8,11,"Oh, Ted, tell Ranjit the huge thing that's happening tonight."
52975,171,8,11,Barney's getting engaged.
52976,171,8,11,Ranjit out.
52977,171,8,11,Bar-Barney's getting engaged?
52978,171,8,11,"He asked me to keep it a secret, but I thought you deserved to know... in case you wanted to do something about it."
52979,171,8,11,Do you?
52980,171,8,11,"Ranjit: Do you, Robin?"
52981,171,8,11,"Ranjit, a little privacy, please?"
52982,171,8,11,"Sorry, not listening."
52983,171,8,11,"Nice, uneven floor there, Ted."
52984,171,8,11,(sighs)
52985,171,8,11,"Lily, are you drunk?"
52986,171,8,11,What? I... I'm on vacation.
52987,171,8,11,I may have cracked open the minibar to celebrate.
52988,171,8,11,Who invited the narc?
52989,171,8,11,"Hey, listen, I know that you miss Marvin, but it's not like we could've brought him to a black tie event anyway."
52990,171,8,11,I don't think that they make tuxedo onesies.
52991,171,8,11,"I mean, at least not ones that are in style."
52992,171,8,11,"I mean, a bow tie?"
52993,171,8,11,Is it 1998 already?
52994,171,8,11,"Yeah, these parents are so lame and-and clingy."
52995,171,8,11,"Yeah, it's like, cut the cord already, right, guys?"
52996,171,8,11,"Yeah, yeah, that baby's not even cute."
52997,171,8,11,Super ugly baby.
52998,171,8,11,It's almost physically repulsive.
52999,171,8,11,Aw.... Aw...
53000,171,8,11,"Great, I just started lactating."
53001,171,8,11,"Me, too."
53002,171,8,11,"So, what do you want to do?"
53003,171,8,11,"Robin, I do not want to meddle, but this is like the classic love song says..."
53004,171,8,11,(singing loudly and high-pitched)
53005,171,8,11,Ranjit.
53006,171,8,11,"Ranjit, let's just communicate via text from now on, okay?"
53007,171,8,11,(singing stops)
53008,171,8,11,I appreciate what you're doing.
53009,171,8,11,But I'm not chasing after Barney anymore.
53010,171,8,11,I-I just got done being crazy about all that.
53011,171,8,11,"I mean, why would I want to throw myself back in that pit?"
53012,171,8,11,Because you're in love with him.
53013,171,8,11,"No, I'm not."
53014,171,8,11,I'm happy for him.
53015,171,8,11,"So, it doesn't bother you that Barney Stinson's gonna propose to another woman on top of the World Wide News building?"
53016,171,8,11,"Wait, why the top of the World Wide News building?"
53017,171,8,11,I guess it's Patrice's favorite spot in the city.
53018,171,8,11,"Damn it, Patrice, that's my favorite spot in the city!"
53019,171,8,11,Whoa.
53020,171,8,11,(phone chimes)
53021,171,8,11,"Ranjit says, ""Whoa."""
53022,171,8,11,Okay... (sighs)
53023,171,8,11,"maybe that one detail stings a little bit, but that doesn't mean I'm in love with Barney."
53024,171,8,11,(phone chimes)
53025,171,8,11,"""Sounds like she's in love with Barney."""
53026,171,8,11,"Okay, is this divider even slightly soundproof?"
53027,171,8,11,(phone chimes)
53028,171,8,11,"""Yes."""
53029,171,8,11,With a little winky face.
53030,171,8,11,"Look, I... I hope it goes well for Barney."
53031,171,8,11,I really do.
53032,171,8,11,But tonight there is no place I would rather be than at your building.
53033,171,8,11,Celebrating with you.
53034,171,8,11,Are you sure?
53035,171,8,11,"Ranjit, to Teddy Westside's kick-ass building."
53036,171,8,11,I cannot hear you.
53037,171,8,11,We will be there in five minutes.
53038,171,8,11,This kid does not mean that you're special.
53039,171,8,11,It just means that you're horny and you're easy.
53040,171,8,11,"Now, come on, let me smell his head."
53041,171,8,11,"Li-Lily, Lily, no, no, no, no, come on."
53042,171,8,11,"Seriously, Ted, what is up with the floor?"
53043,171,8,11,Lily. What?
53044,171,8,11,Is it harder than we thought to be away from Marvin? Yes.
53045,171,8,11,But are we gonna have fun or are we gonna wallow in the corner like idiots?
53046,171,8,11,"BOTH (crying): ♪ Night, night, little Marvin"
53047,171,8,11,♪ Stars twinkle for you
53048,171,8,11,♪ The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' ♪
53049,171,8,11,♪ All your dreams
53050,171,8,11,♪ Will come true.
53051,171,8,11,Hey.
53052,171,8,11,Do you realize that something you thought up in your head now exists as a part of the Manhattan skyline?
53053,171,8,11,That's huge.
53054,171,8,11,It's just a building.
53055,171,8,11,"I mean, I'm incredibly young for such an achievement, but it's just a building."
53056,171,8,11,"I mean, Architecture Vision Weekly"
53057,171,8,11,"may have dubbed it ""more than just a building,"" but it's just a building."
53058,171,8,11,So let's not get carried...
53059,171,8,11,"Okay, you're right, it's huge."
53060,171,8,11,It is huge.
53061,171,8,11,"You're the star of the party, and who knows?"
53062,171,8,11,Maybe the future Mrs. Ted Mosby is gonna be there.
53063,171,8,11,"Yeah, maybe she will."
53064,171,8,11,Oh.
53065,171,8,11,"Wait, this isn't your..."
53066,171,8,11,(sighs)
53067,171,8,11,This is the World Wide News building.
53068,171,8,11,Go get him.
53069,171,8,11,"I told you, I am done chasing Barney."
53070,171,8,11,Now can we please go to your party?
53071,171,8,11,"Robin, do you want to spend tonight making small talk with a bunch of bankers in a daring yet refined contemporary masterpiece King Kong should feel lucky to climb..."
53072,171,8,11,...or do you want to follow your heart?
53073,171,8,11,Why do you keep insisting that I have feelings for Barney?
53074,171,8,11,(phone chimes)
53075,171,8,11,Because you do.
53076,171,8,11,"See, even Ranjit agrees."
53077,171,8,11,"Oh, he's got to pee."
53078,171,8,11,"The point is, you're not over Barney."
53079,171,8,11,That's why you freaked out about him proposing on the roof of the World Wide News building.
53080,171,8,11,I did not freak out.
53081,171,8,11,"It's just... a teeny, tiny bit annoying that I am the one who showed her that roof in the first place!"
53082,171,8,11,"Damn it, Patrice!"
53083,171,8,11,Whoa.
53084,171,8,11,(phone chimes)
53085,171,8,11,"""Never mind; I found a soda bottle."""
53086,171,8,11,"Okay, that's disturbing."
53087,171,8,11,"What do you want me to do, Ted?"
53088,171,8,11,"Run up to that roof, knock the ring out of Barney's hand, and say, ""Sorry to interrupt, but you should be with me""?"
53089,171,8,11,Is that what you want?
53090,171,8,11,No.
53091,171,8,11,I don't.
53092,171,8,11,I can't keep making an ass of myself.
53093,171,8,11,"Well, a word in defense of making an ass of yourself, it's underrated."
53094,171,8,11,"Eight years ago I made an ass of myself chasing after you, and I've made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then."
53095,171,8,11,But I have no regrets.
53096,171,8,11,Because it led me to something that I wouldn't trade for the world.
53097,171,8,11,It led to you being my friend.
53098,171,8,11,"So, as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself, I say to you from the heart, get the hell out of this car."
53099,171,8,11,(exhales)
53100,171,8,11,"But, Ted, your big night."
53101,171,8,11,It's just a building.
53102,171,8,11,(door closes)
53103,171,8,11,Barney: The Robin.
53104,171,8,11,Step one: admit to yourself that you still have feelings for this girl.
53105,171,8,11,"I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her."
53106,171,8,11,More than she knows.
53107,171,8,11,Step two: choose the completely wrong moment to make a drunken move after hanging out at a strip club and get shot down on purpose.
53108,171,8,11,"Step three: agree that you two don't work, locking the door on any future you could have together."
53109,171,8,11,I'm done trying to get you.
53110,171,8,11,I can't do it anymore.
53111,171,8,11,Which will drive Robin nuts.
53112,171,8,11,Huh.
53113,171,8,11,Step four: Robin goes nuts.
53114,171,8,11,Step five: find the person who annoys Robin most in the world...
53115,171,8,11,"Nobody asked for your help, Patrice!"
53116,171,8,11,...and ask for her help.
53117,171,8,11,"Oh, hi, Barney."
53118,171,8,11,What are you doing here?
53119,171,8,11,"Actually, I'm looking for you."
53120,171,8,11,"This may sound kind of weird, but I have a proposition..."
53121,171,8,11,Explain everything to Patrice and hope she agrees to help.
53122,171,8,11,Yay. I love Robin.
53123,171,8,11,Of course I'll help.
53124,171,8,11,(giggles)
53125,171,8,11,"Good, good."
53126,171,8,11,(screams)
53127,171,8,11,Step six: check with your doctor about possible broken ribs.
53128,171,8,11,Step seven: pretend to be dating Patrice.
53129,171,8,11,"Nobody asked you here, Patrice!"
53130,171,8,11,"Actually, I did."
53131,171,8,11,"Step eight: wait until Robin inevitably breaks into your place to find the Playbook and show it to Patrice, which you'll monitor via the hidden cameras you have in your apartment."
53132,171,8,11,"Patrice, the robin's in the nest."
53133,171,8,11,That means Robin broke into my apartment Were you even listening when I explained the codes?
53134,171,8,11,"Step nine: after Patrice finds the Playbook, have your first big fight."
53135,171,8,11,This is going so well.
53136,171,8,11,Thank you so much.
53137,171,8,11,"I know, but what the heck are Lily and Ted doing here?"
53138,171,8,11,I don't know. My friends have no boundaries.
53139,171,8,11,(groans)
53140,171,8,11,How can I ever thank you?
53141,171,8,11,Will you watch my cat next weekend?
53142,171,8,11,No.
53143,171,8,11,"Come on, we should probably go back inside."
53144,171,8,11,"Step ten: prove your loyalty to Patrice by burning the Playbook, and actually burn it."
53145,171,8,11,You don't need it anymore.
53146,171,8,11,"Step 11: because your friends have no boundaries, they'll inevitably have an intervention for Robin, which you'll monitor via the hidden cameras you have in Marshall and Lily's apartment."
53147,171,8,11,Step 12: tell only Ted about your plan to propose to Patrice.
53148,171,8,11,You can't tell anybody.
53149,171,8,11,Agreed?
53150,171,8,11,"Step 13: wait and see if Ted tells Robin, and if he does..."
53151,171,8,11,Barney's getting engaged.
53152,171,8,11,...it means your best bro in the world has let go of Robin and has given you his blessing.
53153,171,8,11,Step 14: Robin arrives at her favorite spot in the city and finds the secret final page of the Playbook.
53154,171,8,11,The last play you'll ever run.
53155,171,8,11,Step 15: Robin realizes she's standing underneath mistletoe.
53156,171,8,11,(sighs)
53157,171,8,11,"Seriously, Barney?"
53158,171,8,11,"Even you, even someone as certifiably insane as you must realize that this is too far."
53159,171,8,11,"You lied to me, manipulated me for weeks."
53160,171,8,11,Do you really think I could ever kiss you after that?
53161,171,8,11,Do you really think I could ever trust you after that?
53162,171,8,11,"This... this is proof of why we don't work, why we'll never work."
53163,171,8,11,So thank you.
53164,171,8,11,"You've set me free because... how could I be with a man who thinks that this... trick, this enormous lie could ever make me want to date him again?"
53165,171,8,11,Turn it over.
53166,171,8,11,(sighs)
53167,171,8,11,Robin Scherbatsky...
53168,171,8,11,...will you marry me?
53169,171,8,11,Yes.
53170,171,8,11,♪ In the oceans deep
53171,171,8,11,♪ In the canyons steep
53172,171,8,11,♪ Walls of granite
53173,171,8,11,♪ Here I stand
53174,171,8,11,♪ All my desperate calls
53175,171,8,11,♪ Echo off the walls
53176,171,8,11,♪ Back and forth...
53177,171,8,11,"And so, let's all raise a glass to Ted Mosby."
53178,171,8,11,None of this would have been possible without him.
53179,171,8,11,To Ted.
53180,171,8,11,All: To Ted.
53181,171,8,11,♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
53182,171,8,11,♪ Oh-oh-oh-
53183,171,8,11,oh-oh ♪♪ Oh-oh
53184,171,8,11,♪ To believe
53185,171,8,11,♪ I walk
53186,171,8,11,♪ Alone
53187,171,8,11,♪ Is a lie
53188,171,8,11,♪ That I've ♪
53189,171,8,11,♪ Been told
53190,171,8,11,♪ So let your heart hold fast
53191,171,8,11,♪ For this soon shall pass
53192,172,8,12,Can I get you guys anything to drink?
53193,172,8,12,"Both: Scotch, neat."
53194,172,8,12,Jinx.
53195,172,8,12,(gasps)
53196,172,8,12,"Oh, my... God."
53197,172,8,12,"Narrator: Kids, you may be wondering why five adults in their 30s would take a jinx so seriously. It all started one day five years ago."
53198,172,8,12,"Ooh, Van Helsing."
53199,172,8,12,"Ooh, Van Helsing."
53200,172,8,12,Jinx. You're jinxed.
53201,172,8,12,"That means that you can't speak until someone who was present for the jinx says your name, or else you will have very bad luck."
53202,172,8,12,(scoffs)
53203,172,8,12,That's ridiculous.
53204,172,8,12,(both gasp)
53205,172,8,12,You broke the jinx.
53206,172,8,12,"Marshall, I'm a grown-ass man."
53207,172,8,12,I'm on my building's co-op board.
53208,172,8,12,"When I say a Pinot Noir tastes luxuriously earthy with a hint of rhubarb, I'm not faking it."
53209,172,8,12,I've had several of the same sexual partners as Henry Kissinger.
53210,172,8,12,I'm not about to stop talking just because I was jinxed.
53211,172,8,12,"Narrator: Barney broke three limbs and two vertebrae, but he never broke another jinx."
53212,172,8,12,"In fact, he started taking jinxes way too seriously."
53213,172,8,12,"Barney, I'm on hold with Sports Talk AM to talk to my childhood hero from the Minnesota Twins."
53214,172,8,12,Who's your childhood hero?
53215,172,8,12,Frank Viola. Frank Viola--
53216,172,8,12,jinx!
53217,172,8,12,"(over phone): Hello, this is Frank."
53218,172,8,12,Anyone there?
53219,172,8,12,Hello?
53220,172,8,12,"I can hear you breathing, you coward."
53221,172,8,12,"Narrator: So, when someone finally jinxed Barney for the first time in years, we were pretty psyched."
53222,172,8,12,The reign of terror is over!
53223,172,8,12,"I've had this cigar in my pocket for two years, waiting for this moment."
53224,172,8,12,"Aw, that would've been good about two years ago."
53225,172,8,12,Cheers.
53226,172,8,12,(all whooping)
53227,172,8,12,Huzzah! Huzzah.
53228,172,8,12,"Lily: Oh, oh, oh, you want us to say your name and un-jinx you?"
53229,172,8,12,"I don't think so, pal."
53230,172,8,12,This is gonna be a long jinx.
53231,172,8,12,Like Yom Kippur services long.
53232,172,8,12,"The only difference is, Yom Kippur's a fast and this one's gonna be a slow."
53233,172,8,12,"Oh! ROBIN: Now, Ted, I was wondering if you could expand upon what you were saying earlier about antiquated currency."
53234,172,8,12,"Ah, yes, yes."
53235,172,8,12,"Contrary to popular belief, the buffalo nickel was modeled on the Black Diamond bison rather than the more iconic Western Plains bison."
53236,172,8,12,"To wit, if President Taft had had his way, we'd all be talking about the egret nickel."
53237,172,8,12,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x11-12 ♪
53238,172,8,12,"The Final Page, Part One and Two"
53239,172,8,12,"Original Air Date on December 17, 2012"
53240,172,8,12,"Narrator: In the winter of 2012 the skyscraper that I designed was about to open, which got me thinking about the most influential architecture professor I ever had."
53241,172,8,12,"So when the children of our grandchildren's children ask us ""Who were we,"" they'll find the answer carved into the granite poetry of our architecture."
53242,172,8,12,Okay.
53243,172,8,12,It doesn't get any better than that.
53244,172,8,12,Class dismissed.
53245,172,8,12,"Wow, just wow."
53246,172,8,12,Do you need something?
53247,172,8,12,I have an apple I was hoping to eat in silence.
53248,172,8,12,"Of course, Professor Vinick, I, um, I-I sketched out a design, and it'd be such an honor if you took a look at it."
53249,172,8,12,"Oh, well."
53250,172,8,12,It is believed that it took the pharaohs over 100 years to build the Sphinx.
53251,172,8,12,So... you think...
53252,172,8,12,I should spend more time on it?
53253,172,8,12,"Oh, dear God, no."
53254,172,8,12,This is terrible.
53255,172,8,12,"Then, why'd you mention the Sphinx?"
53256,172,8,12,(laughs)
53257,172,8,12,I find my mind is often with the Sphinx.
53258,172,8,12,"Anyway, you'll never be an architect."
53259,172,8,12,You'll never be an architect.
53260,172,8,12,You'll never be an architect.
53261,172,8,12,(laughing): You'll never be an architect!
53262,172,8,12,"Well, guess what."
53263,172,8,12,"I sent Professor Vinick the invitation to the opening of my building, so he'll see that I did become an architect, and that I've moved past his petty, hurtful words."
53264,172,8,12,Robin: Wow.
53265,172,8,12,15 years later and you're still this obsessed.
53266,172,8,12,"Yeah, if Vinick ever goes missing, the cops are gonna come looking for him in your basement."
53267,172,8,12,"Totally, he's Ted's pit guy."
53268,172,8,12,How dare you?
53269,172,8,12,And what is that?
53270,172,8,12,A pit guy is someone you've been obsessed with for so long...
53271,172,8,12,that it's driven you crazy enough to throw them in a pit in your basement like in The Silence of the Lambs.
53272,172,8,12,(screaming)
53273,172,8,12,(laughing)
53274,172,8,12,I'm not gonna Silence of the Lambs him.
53275,172,8,12,"At most, I'd Revenge of the Nerds him."
53276,172,8,12,Though I don't see a scenario where he agrees to play me in a pentathlon.
53277,172,8,12,"Yeah, I'm with Ted-- there is no one I hate enough to throw into a pit."
53278,172,8,12,What?
53279,172,8,12,"Narrator: When Robin's most hated coworker Patrice started dating Barney, she became obsessed."
53280,172,8,12,"Patrice, Patrice goes in your pit."
53281,172,8,12,"Guys, I told you, I am done obsessing about Patrice."
53282,172,8,12,Just drop her.
53283,172,8,12,Drop her in a pit.
53284,172,8,12,Enough.
53285,172,8,12,"We all have people that we would throw in our pits, and I'm sure we all have people who would like to throw us in their pits."
53286,172,8,12,"Yeah, if Marshall or I ever go missing, I'll tell you whose basement to look in."
53287,172,8,12,Daryl LaCourte.
53288,172,8,12,"Oh, no."
53289,172,8,12,It's creepy Daryl.
53290,172,8,12,Let's get out of here before he sees us.
53291,172,8,12,"Hey, hot sack coming through."
53292,172,8,12,Ha... ha...
53293,172,8,12,"Hi, Daryl. Hey, Daryl. Hey!"
53294,172,8,12,I feel like I never see you guys anymore.
53295,172,8,12,"Like whenever I'm getting to a party, you're just leaving."
53296,172,8,12,Even that party at your place-- you guys just raced off into the night at 7:30.
53297,172,8,12,That's weird.
53298,172,8,12,But this is great-- the three hackmigos back together again.
53299,172,8,12,"We played Hacky Sack together once freshman year, Daryl."
53300,172,8,12,Once.
53301,172,8,12,"November 14, 1996."
53302,172,8,12,That is the best memory ever.
53303,172,8,12,Sure.
53304,172,8,12,(grunts)
53305,172,8,12,The three hackmigos for life.
53306,172,8,12,"To this day, we are still getting e-mails and posts from Daryl."
53307,172,8,12,"He has commented on every photo of Baby Marvin we have ever posted, and then he comments on his own comments."
53308,172,8,12,(door opens)
53309,172,8,12,(all clamoring excitedly)
53310,172,8,12,"Hey, guys, look, it's Bar... none, my favorite non-speaking jinxed person in the world."
53311,172,8,12,How was your day?
53312,172,8,12,"Yeah, I didn't get a word of that."
53313,172,8,12,"Sorry, buddy."
53314,172,8,12,"Ah, Scherbatsky, it's my favorite time of year."
53315,172,8,12,Didn't know you liked Christmas so much.
53316,172,8,12,"No, year-end reviews."
53317,172,8,12,We get to fire some people.
53318,172,8,12,Get into the spirit.
53319,172,8,12,"Look, Sandy, you might enjoy firing people for petty personal differences."
53320,172,8,12,I'd hardly call giving me gonorrhea a petty personal difference.
53321,172,8,12,"But I am a professional, and I would never fire someone for unprofessional reasons."
53322,172,8,12,"Well, somebody's got to go."
53323,172,8,12,"Narrator: Kids, the thing about pit people, sometimes you don't even know you have one until you have a chance to push 'em in."
53324,172,8,12,"Hi, Robin."
53325,172,8,12,"Not happening, bro."
53326,172,8,12,"Not happening, bro."
53327,172,8,12,Hand get tired?
53328,172,8,12,"Not happening, bro."
53329,172,8,12,I hold in my hand the RSVP from Professor Vinick.
53330,172,8,12,Uh-huh.
53331,172,8,12,"Ah, he's checked ""Will not attend,"" which is fine, because all I needed to know was that he knows."
53332,172,8,12,So now I will throw this in the trash and never look at it.
53333,172,8,12,"What's this? ""I believe you've sent this to the wrong person."
53334,172,8,12,"I have no idea who Ted Mosby is."""
53335,172,8,12,Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
53336,172,8,12,"Oh, you'll remember who I am, Professor Vinick."
53337,172,8,12,You'll never forget it.
53338,172,8,12,"Not happening, bro."
53339,172,8,12,"Ted, just because we're coming with you to Wesleyan does not mean that we condone your behavior."
53340,172,8,12,Just using it as an excuse to see the old campus... and maybe watch you have a complete mental breakdown.
53341,172,8,12,What are you even gonna do when you see Professor Vinick?
53342,172,8,12,"Oh, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do."
53343,172,8,12,"Sweet merciful Franks Gehry and Lloyd Wright, from what brilliant mind was this work of art sired?"
53344,172,8,12,Mosby.
53345,172,8,12,Ted Mosby.
53346,172,8,12,(coughing): Architect.
53347,172,8,12,But that's-that's...
53348,172,8,12,Impossible?
53349,172,8,12,"Looks like you were wrong, Vinick."
53350,172,8,12,Dead wrong.
53351,172,8,12,(distorted): No!
53352,172,8,12,(yells)
53353,172,8,12,(laughs)
53354,172,8,12,"Be careful, Ted."
53355,172,8,12,Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want.
53356,172,8,12,Especially dance-
53357,172,8,12,based revenge.
53358,172,8,12,"My prom was rough, guys."
53359,172,8,12,Lily: Ooh!
53360,172,8,12,We're almost there.
53361,172,8,12,"Oh, I can't wait to see the old campus."
53362,172,8,12,I'm gonna grab one of those giant dining hall hot dogs.
53363,172,8,12,"Oh, I love those huge wieners."
53364,172,8,12,I'm not so sure you heard me.
53365,172,8,12,"I said, ""I love those huge wieners."""
53366,172,8,12,I love them.
53367,172,8,12,In my mouth.
53368,172,8,12,"So, let me ask you a few questions, Clarice... Patrice."
53369,172,8,12,How would you rate your performance in the last six months?
53370,172,8,12,"Well, I don't like to talk about myself, but all my coworkers deserve an A-double-plus, that's for suresies."
53371,172,8,12,"Ooh, fancy lotion."
53372,172,8,12,It puts the lotion in the basket.
53373,172,8,12,"It's just, this is really nice lotion."
53374,172,8,12,"And what a pretty basket, Robin."
53375,172,8,12,"I know, that's why I bought it, Patrice!"
53376,172,8,12,"Man, it's like nothing has changed. Mmm, I know."
53377,172,8,12,"The bun, the relish."
53378,172,8,12,That's a knee.
53379,172,8,12,"It's a beautifully drawn knee, so?"
53380,172,8,12,That's a barn.
53381,172,8,12,"Oh, knee barn, right."
53382,172,8,12,"That's a great idea, Lily."
53383,172,8,12,"On the way home, we should stop at the knee barn, pick us up some wholesale knees. Yeah."
53384,172,8,12,Man: Marshall? Lily!
53385,172,8,12,You... you're here.
53386,172,8,12,"Hi, Daryl."
53387,172,8,12,"(quietly): Hi, Daryl."
53388,172,8,12,Hi.
53389,172,8,12,"Wow, after all these years."
53390,172,8,12,You look just like you do in my paintings.
53391,172,8,12,"Come here, guys."
53392,172,8,12,(grunts)
53393,172,8,12,There are men and there are gods.
53394,172,8,12,Antoni Gaudí was both.
53395,172,8,12,Ted: There are jerk faces and there are buttholes.
53396,172,8,12,Professor Vinick was both.
53397,172,8,12,"Good one, Ted."
53398,172,8,12,"Come on, Vinick, give me an opening."
53399,172,8,12,Gaudí's architecture gave expression to the anarchic geometric form of nature.
53400,172,8,12,"TED (mocking): ""Gaudí's architecture..."""
53401,172,8,12,"Actually, that's a really good point."
53402,172,8,12,"♪ Wow, Professor Vinick"
53403,172,8,12,"♪ Man, you taught me so much"
53404,172,8,12,♪ About architecture and life
53405,172,8,12,"♪ God, your lectures are so cool ♪♪ I'll earn your respect and we'll be best friends. ♪"
53406,172,8,12,"Okay, it doesn't get any better than that."
53407,172,8,12,(sniffles)
53408,172,8,12,"No, it doesn't."
53409,172,8,12,"What are you doing here, Daryl?"
53410,172,8,12,"Well, I live right down the street."
53411,172,8,12,But I work right here.
53412,172,8,12,"Whoa. Oh, boy."
53413,172,8,12,Marshall: Are those...
53414,172,8,12,"(clears throat) ...our, our faces up there, buddy?"
53415,172,8,12,"Hack, yeah!"
53416,172,8,12,It was just as much your idea as mine to open up a Hacky Sack store here at Wesleyan.
53417,172,8,12,So you never left?
53418,172,8,12,"Once. I met a girl on Craigslist, and I flew to Boston to meet her."
53419,172,8,12,"She was a man, 300 pounds, and robbed me."
53420,172,8,12,"Still, the best night of my life."
53421,172,8,12,Until now!
53422,172,8,12,The three hackmigos back together again!
53423,172,8,12,"You know, I've been waiting forever to give you something."
53424,172,8,12,"You're coming with me to my house, and I'm not taking no for an answer."
53425,172,8,12,"Barney: Dude, this is your chance."
53426,172,8,12,"Set me free, and I will lie you out of this creepynightmare."
53427,172,8,12,Marshall: This is a tough one.
53428,172,8,12,"On the one hand, we might die."
53429,172,8,12,"On the other, you're jinxed."
53430,172,8,12,"Barney: Let me free, Marshall."
53431,172,8,12,This guy could be violent.
53432,172,8,12,Marshall: Violent... Viola...
53433,172,8,12,Frank Viola.
53434,172,8,12,"We would love to come to your house, Daryl!"
53435,172,8,12,Yeah!
53436,172,8,12,"Okay, um... how often are you and Barney doing it?"
53437,172,8,12,"That's a strange question, Robin."
53438,172,8,12,You're right.
53439,172,8,12,Maybe I should leave.
53440,172,8,12,"Yeah, maybe you should."
53441,172,8,12,You're fired.
53442,172,8,12,Wow. Just wow.
53443,172,8,12,Ted Mosby. I'm a former student of yours.
53444,172,8,12,"You know, I actually became an architect."
53445,172,8,12,Any chance you remember me?
53446,172,8,12,"Oh, please excuse me, I've been teaching for over 20 years."
53447,172,8,12,"All the faces start to blend together unless you have a, a weird mustache or, or something."
53448,172,8,12,"Junior year I tried to grow muttonchops, but people kept saying my face made them nauseous."
53449,172,8,12,"Well, not people. You."
53450,172,8,12,"Anay, I would be honored if you, if you took a look at my building."
53451,172,8,12,This... is hideous.
53452,172,8,12,You'll never be an architect.
53453,172,8,12,(echoing): You'll never be an architect.
53454,172,8,12,You'll never be an architect. You'll never be an architect!
53455,172,8,12,You'll never be an architect.
53456,172,8,12,Wait. I was mistaken.
53457,172,8,12,You most definitely will be an architect.
53458,172,8,12,Really?
53459,172,8,12,"These are astonishing, Handlebar Pete."
53460,172,8,12,"So, when you said ""surprise in your house,"" what you really meant was ""surprise in the poorly lit windowless basement of your house."""
53461,172,8,12,"Oh, you guys are gonna love what I have to show you."
53462,172,8,12,"I am so excited, I could just cry and laugh and scream and just punch the wall over and over and over and over and over!"
53463,172,8,12,"Could we just see it, like, up in the living room or anywhere less... gimp-storagey?"
53464,172,8,12,(laughs)
53465,172,8,12,I just realized I want to take a picture of this.
53466,172,8,12,I want to put your faces on my mantel like a trophy.
53467,172,8,12,Like a trophy!
53468,172,8,12,Aah...! Aah...!
53469,172,8,12,(singsongy): Here I come.
53470,172,8,12,And I've got your surprise right here!
53471,172,8,12,"No! We don't want your surprise, Daryl!"
53472,172,8,12,"We're not your amigos, we're definitely not your hackmigos."
53473,172,8,12,"And before you murder us, you should know that we have a child!"
53474,172,8,12,He probably has eight or nine!
53475,172,8,12,What? Murder?
53476,172,8,12,I wanted to give you a check.
53477,172,8,12,"For $100,000... for coming up with the idea of the Three Hackmigos with me."
53478,172,8,12,I brought you down here to show you all my inventory.
53479,172,8,12,Business has really exploded.
53480,172,8,12,(laughs)
53481,172,8,12,"I mean, I'm sort of the Mark Zuckerberg of jam-band concert parking lot athletics."
53482,172,8,12,"Well, second."
53483,172,8,12,"But I'm coming for you, Devil Stick Ron."
53484,172,8,12,(screaming)
53485,172,8,12,Why would you fire me?
53486,172,8,12,Because nobody should be as happy as you are.
53487,172,8,12,And also your cookies... they're only pretty good.
53488,172,8,12,(gasps)
53489,172,8,12,"Robin, is this really about me?"
53490,172,8,12,"(voice breaking): No, it's not."
53491,172,8,12,"The old ""fire and bang."" Respect, Scherbatsky."
53492,172,8,12,"Pretty good, right? Right, Handlebar Pete?"
53493,172,8,12,"Ah, you got it easy with that sweet, sweet 'stache."
53494,172,8,12,"Hey, Ted, I see you're holding a little version of your building and yelling at strangers."
53495,172,8,12,So I assume it all worked out?
53496,172,8,12,"I realized, since I work in a three-dimensional medium, the only way to really stick it to Vinick would be with a three-dimensional model."
53497,172,8,12,"Whatever you do, don't march in there thinking, ""I'm gonna do the worm."
53498,172,8,12,"That'll show 'em!"""
53499,172,8,12,"Seriously, guys, I can't stress enough how bad my prom was."
53500,172,8,12,Speaking of the past...
53501,172,8,12,"Wow, we feel like idiots. We're sorry."
53502,172,8,12,"You know, honestly, it's fine."
53503,172,8,12,Look how great I'm doing.
53504,172,8,12,Look at what I've built. I don't need the validation of some people from college to feel good about myself.
53505,172,8,12,My life is amazing!
53506,172,8,12,I own a timeshare in St. Barts with P-Funk!
53507,172,8,12,"The, the whole band?"
53508,172,8,12,Yeah.
53509,172,8,12,Do you guys jam?
53510,172,8,12,That's all we do.
53511,172,8,12,(all gasp)
53512,172,8,12,"So, you completely rejected the guy who's been obsessing about you for 16 years, and he was okay with it?"
53513,172,8,12,Whoa.
53514,172,8,12,Is creepy Daryl more emotionally adjusted than I am?
53515,172,8,12,"Narrator: Kids, sometimes in life you'll make a pit for someone in your mind."
53516,172,8,12,But ultimately the only person in that pit is yourself.
53517,172,8,12,I'm sorry.
53518,172,8,12,"Just seeing you with Barney has brought up some old feelings, and I..."
53519,172,8,12,I really don't like feelings.
53520,172,8,12,But that's not your fault or Barney's fault.
53521,172,8,12,It's just really hard seeing you with him.
53522,172,8,12,♪ There's been a book on the side of the bed... ♪
53523,172,8,12,Narrator: Which means there's only one person who can let you out of the pit.
53524,172,8,12,♪ Many years from now
53525,172,8,12,♪ I know you'll hear me somehow... ♪
53526,172,8,12,So you fired Patrice?
53527,172,8,12,"No, she's staying."
53528,172,8,12,♪ The places we will go...
53529,172,8,12,"Let's get out of here, guys."
53530,172,8,12,"Oh, Mr. Mosby."
53531,172,8,12,You built a model of your building.
53532,172,8,12,No.
53533,172,8,12,Why? To prove some sort of point?
53534,172,8,12,This is just sad.
53535,172,8,12,"No, no, I was just throwing it out."
53536,172,8,12,"Sure, you were."
53537,172,8,12,No!
53538,172,8,12,"No, I-I-I had a transcendent moment where I found emotional clarity!"
53539,172,8,12,"And I realize shouting that makes it seem like it's not true, but I did!"
53540,172,8,12,"Yeah, we're gonna grab some snacks."
53541,172,8,12,You guys want anything?
53542,172,8,12,Spicy beef jerky.
53543,172,8,12,Got you loud and clear.
53544,172,8,12,(sighs)
53545,172,8,12,"Oh, my God! Barney!"
53546,172,8,12,You unjinxed me!
53547,172,8,12,"I'm free! If the bison on the nickel could hear you talk about them, they would diminish their population even further on purpose."
53548,172,8,12,"If Lily wants a big wiener in her mouth, she's got my number."
53549,172,8,12,And I'm sorry that you took the rap for all the farting on the car ride up here. That was me! (sighs)
53550,172,8,12,"The ring! What's, what's, what's the ring?"
53551,172,8,12,"Right, the ring. I'm gonna ask Patrice to marry me."
53552,172,8,12,Both: Are you serious?
53553,172,8,12,Jinx! Good!
53554,172,8,12,I need to say some things without you interrupting.
53555,172,8,12,"Yes, I am serious. I know that if you could talk, you'd say that I'm crazy or that I'm overcorrecting or that I'm moving too fast."
53556,172,8,12,But you would be wrong.
53557,172,8,12,"Look, I have banged my way through every bimbo in the tristate area, and it left me feeling nothing but, but broken."
53558,172,8,12,"But now, with Patrice, for the first time in my life, I feel settled and happy."
53559,172,8,12,I want to feel this way forever.
53560,172,8,12,So tomorrow night on the roof of the World Wide News building--
53561,172,8,12,that's Patrice's favorite spot--
53562,172,8,12,I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
53563,172,8,12,"Ah, poot-tu-tat! You're jinxed."
53564,172,8,12,"I'll unjinx you if you'll follow these two rules: one: you can't try to talk me out of it, and two: you can't tell anybody. Agreed?"
53565,172,8,12,"It's a jinx swear, so if you break it, I get to hit you in the nuts three times with a Wiffle ball bat."
53566,172,8,12,Thank you... Ted.
53567,172,8,12,Hey...
53568,172,8,12,"Hi, guys!"
53569,172,8,12,No. But you're jinxed!
53570,172,8,12,I tricked Ted into saying my name.
53571,172,8,12,"All: Aw, come on, Ted!"
53572,172,8,12,Jinx! Jinx! Ha-ha!
53573,172,8,12,The reign of terror is back! (evil laugh)
53574,172,8,12,"Hey, if you guys don't want me to smoke or fart in here, just speak up."
53575,172,8,12,Nothing? Great.
53576,172,8,12,"Thanks for the spicy beef jerky, dude."
53577,172,8,12,"Anyway, I think we could all use a little quiet."
53578,172,8,12,"Unless you have something you want to talk about, Ted?"
53579,172,8,12,No.
53580,172,8,12,(engine starts)
53581,172,8,12,"Not happening, bro."
53582,172,8,12,
53583,172,8,12,Narrator: So I had promised not to tell anyone about Barney's plan to propose to Patrice.
53584,172,8,12,But I knew deep down Robin deserved to know.
53585,172,8,12,"Uh, there he is! The youngest architect ever to build a skyscraper in New York City!"
53586,172,8,12,The shockingly still single Ted Mosby.
53587,172,8,12,"You hear that, ladies?"
53588,172,8,12,I can't believe the GNB Tower opens tonight.
53589,172,8,12,"Ted, your building finally gets unveiled to the whole world."
53590,172,8,12,(gasps)
53591,172,8,12,"You hear that, ladies?!"
53592,172,8,12,Nervous?
53593,172,8,12,Everything comes out of my body in liquid form now.
53594,172,8,12,"Ignore that, ladies."
53595,172,8,12,"Plus, I, I keep having this nightmare where King Kong shows up to the opening but refuses to climb my building because, in his words, ""It's a bit derivative."""
53596,172,8,12,"Oh, stop it, tonight is gonna be amazing."
53597,172,8,12,"And we are definitely gonna be there to toast you, but we might have to leave a little early if that's okay."
53598,172,8,12,My dad just gave us the most amazing Christmas gift ever.
53599,172,8,12,Our first night away since Marvin was born.
53600,172,8,12,24 hours straight without that little b*st*rd.
53601,172,8,12,Robin: Aw.
53602,172,8,12,This will be a nice memory to share with Marvin when he's older and deciding whether or not to put you in a home.
53603,172,8,12,"Hey, we need this."
53604,172,8,12,We're maximizing our time away by planning everything down to the minute.
53605,172,8,12,See?
53606,172,8,12,2:12 p.m.-- guilt Ted into saying it's okay if we leave early tonight.
53607,172,8,12,It's okay if you leave early tonight.
53608,172,8,12,"Look, I just appreciate you showing up at all on your big night away."
53609,172,8,12,"I mean, Barney's not even gonna be there."
53610,172,8,12,What?
53611,172,8,12,This is the biggest night of your career.
53612,172,8,12,Why isn't Barney coming?
53613,172,8,12,"I don't know-- he said, ""Legendary"" and ""Challenge accepted,"" and then he winked. ""Wait for it,"" you know, all that stuff."
53614,172,8,12,That does sound like him.
53615,172,8,12,"Well, we're your real friends and we wouldn't miss it for the world."
53616,172,8,12,That is why we will see you tonight from 7:03 to 7:14.
53617,172,8,12,"Bye, guys. Good night. Bye."
53618,172,8,12,"Okay, what's the real reason Barney's not coming?"
53619,172,8,12,Narrator: Here was my chance to tell Robin about Barney.
53620,172,8,12,"Yeah, actually, Barney didn't say what he was doing tonight."
53621,172,8,12,"Anyway, uh, you know, I'm not taking anyone to the opening, so you want to be my date?"
53622,172,8,12,Sure.
53623,172,8,12,"Okay, Dad, I-I made you a list of Marvin's nightly schedule down to the minute."
53624,172,8,12,Okay.
53625,172,8,12,"Uh, ""9:06 p.m.-- put on edible underwear."""
53626,172,8,12,"Wrong list, wrong list."
53627,172,8,12,"Come on, relax."
53628,172,8,12,I know this little guy like the back of my hand.
53629,172,8,12,"Dear Lord, what is that?"
53630,172,8,12,"Oh, jam, okay."
53631,172,8,12,Just jam.
53632,172,8,12,"Oh, I-I forgot the lullaby."
53633,172,8,12,Do you know Marvin's lullaby?
53634,172,8,12,We sing it to him every night.
53635,172,8,12,"♪ Night, night, little Marvin ♪"
53636,172,8,12,♪ Stars twinkle for you
53637,172,8,12,♪ The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' ♪♪ All your dreams will come true ♪
53638,172,8,12,"♪ And the horsie says, ""Good night"" ♪♪ And the birdie says, ""Good night"" ♪"
53639,172,8,12,"♪ And the elephant says, ""Good night"" ♪♪ And the skeleton playing his own rib cage ♪"
53640,172,8,12,"♪ Says, ""Good Night"""
53641,172,8,12,"♪ And the robot says, ""Good night"" ♪"
53642,172,8,12,(robot voice): Good night.
53643,172,8,12,(knocking on ceiling)
53644,172,8,12,Man: Enough with the damn music!
53645,172,8,12,"♪ And Mr. Nesbit says, ""Good night"" ♪♪ And the whole world says, ""Good night"" ♪"
53646,172,8,12,"Take it, Mommy."
53647,172,8,12,"Got it-- load him up with cough syrup, watch Breaking Bad until he conks out."
53648,172,8,12,Just kidding.
53649,172,8,12,We did it.
53650,172,8,12,"Yeah, we did."
53651,172,8,12,"Now that we're out the door, I actually don't feel anxious."
53652,172,8,12,(phone rings)
53653,172,8,12,"Whoa, oh, my God, it's your dad!"
53654,172,8,12,"Oh, something horrible happened-- aah!"
53655,172,8,12,"Oh, it's Ted, relax."
53656,172,8,12,"Bar, now."
53657,172,8,12,What is it?
53658,172,8,12,He needs me.
53659,172,8,12,"But, baby, what about our magical romantic night?"
53660,172,8,12,In four minutes we're supposed to be doing hand stuff in the cab.
53661,172,8,12,I'll be quick--
53662,172,8,12,I'm sure it's nothing huge.
53663,172,8,12,That's huge.
53664,172,8,12,"Yeah, that's why Barney's not coming tonight."
53665,172,8,12,He's getting engaged.
53666,172,8,12,And I knew that I had to tell Robin.
53667,172,8,12,But?
53668,172,8,12,"I may have, uh... asked her to be my date instead."
53669,172,8,12,What is wrong with me?
53670,172,8,12,"Deep down, is there still some crazy part of me that thinks I'm gonna wind up with Robin?"
53671,172,8,12,Am I that deluded?
53672,172,8,12,"If so, I need to grow up."
53673,172,8,12,"Oh, um, by the way, I'm breaking a jinx swear here, so don't tell Barney or he gets to whack me in the nuts three times with a Wiffle ball bat."
53674,172,8,12,"Sure, pretty standard."
53675,172,8,12,Robin deserves the chance to go after Barney one last time if that's what she wants.
53676,172,8,12,"Thanks, buddy."
53677,172,8,12,This helped.
53678,172,8,12,I'm gonna go tell her.
53679,172,8,12,One quick thing. Yeah.
53680,172,8,12,Don't.
53681,172,8,12,Wow.
53682,172,8,12,Nice.
53683,172,8,12,"You know, now that I'm here, I don't feel that anxious."
53684,172,8,12,(phone rings)
53685,172,8,12,It's my dad-- something horrible's happened!
53686,172,8,12,"My husband, relax."
53687,172,8,12,"Hey, um, I'm gonna be a little while, baby."
53688,172,8,12,"It's a long story, but Ted needs my help."
53689,172,8,12,"Okay, but hurry or I'm gonna start doing number 11 on my own."
53690,172,8,12,You can do that by yourself?
53691,172,8,12,"Pilates, bitch."
53692,172,8,12,"Okay, why shouldn't I tell Robin?"
53693,172,8,12,"Because deep down some crazy part of you still thinks you're gonna wind up with her, and I agree."
53694,172,8,12,"Marshall... I'm sorry, I'm Team Tedward."
53695,172,8,12,"Always have been, always will be."
53696,172,8,12,"Now, listen."
53697,172,8,12,I want my best friend to be happy.
53698,172,8,12,"And if Robin could mean happiness for you, then, dear God, why help her go after another man?"
53699,172,8,12,Because she might still be in love with him.
53700,172,8,12,"To not tell her, to not give her that chance, it's... it's selfish."
53701,172,8,12,So be selfish.
53702,172,8,12,I can't do that.
53703,172,8,12,"Tell that to the onion rings we just ""split."""
53704,172,8,12,(sighs)
53705,172,8,12,Robin is my friend.
53706,172,8,12,She's always been more than that and you know it.
53707,172,8,12,"Now, as we speak, my wife is in a hotel room cheating on me... with herself."
53708,172,8,12,But I'm not leaving here until you promise not to say a word about this to Robin.
53709,172,8,12,"Now repeat after me. ""I..."""
53710,172,8,12,"Well, I can do more at a time than ""I."" ""I, Ted Mosby, promise to stop ""putting everyone else's interests ahead of my own, and for once in my life, do what's best for me."""
53711,172,8,12,I...
53712,172,8,12,"Sorry, what was the rest of that?"
53713,172,8,12,"Hey, Dad, just taking a break from our amazing night to check in."
53714,172,8,12,"I bet Marvin's pretty devastated that I'm not there, huh?"
53715,172,8,12,Not at all-- I don't think he even noticed you're gone.
53716,172,8,12,It's kind of like Mommy who?
53717,172,8,12,(laughs)
53718,172,8,12,"Oh... oh, good."
53719,172,8,12,"But I should probably sing him his nighttime lullaby over the phone, just in case."
53720,172,8,12,Sang it already-- nailed it.
53721,172,8,12,Did you do the horsie?
53722,172,8,12,Yep. The birdie?
53723,172,8,12,Yep. Elephant?
53724,172,8,12,Yep. Moose.
53725,172,8,12,"No moose, trick question."
53726,172,8,12,Robot.
53727,172,8,12,(robot voice): Affirmative.
53728,172,8,12,"Look, I should go."
53729,172,8,12,Marvin's asleep in my arms.
53730,172,8,12,"Mmm, his head smells like love."
53731,172,8,12,Bye.
53732,172,8,12,(sighs)
53733,172,8,12,"Narrator: And so, kids, on that cold December night I decided to take your Uncle Marshall's advice and be a little selfish."
53734,172,8,12,Whoa.
53735,172,8,12,Hello... and hubba-hubba.
53736,172,8,12,"Aw, thanks."
53737,172,8,12,But tonight is about my main man Mosby.
53738,172,8,12,Really? Why?
53739,172,8,12,"Oh, Ted, tell Ranjit the huge thing that's happening tonight."
53740,172,8,12,Barney's getting engaged.
53741,172,8,12,Ranjit out.
53742,172,8,12,Bar-Barney's getting engaged?
53743,172,8,12,"He asked me to keep it a secret, but I thought you deserved to know... in case you wanted to do something about it."
53744,172,8,12,Do you?
53745,172,8,12,"Ranjit: Do you, Robin?"
53746,172,8,12,"Ranjit, a little privacy, please?"
53747,172,8,12,"Sorry, not listening."
53748,172,8,12,"Nice, uneven floor there, Ted."
53749,172,8,12,(sighs)
53750,172,8,12,"Lily, are you drunk?"
53751,172,8,12,What? I... I'm on vacation.
53752,172,8,12,I may have cracked open the minibar to celebrate.
53753,172,8,12,Who invited the narc?
53754,172,8,12,"Hey, listen, I know that you miss Marvin, but it's not like we could've brought him to a black tie event anyway."
53755,172,8,12,I don't think that they make tuxedo onesies.
53756,172,8,12,"I mean, at least not ones that are in style."
53757,172,8,12,"I mean, a bow tie?"
53758,172,8,12,Is it 1998 already?
53759,172,8,12,"Yeah, these parents are so lame and-and clingy."
53760,172,8,12,"Yeah, it's like, cut the cord already, right, guys?"
53761,172,8,12,"Yeah, yeah, that baby's not even cute."
53762,172,8,12,Super ugly baby.
53763,172,8,12,It's almost physically repulsive.
53764,172,8,12,Aw.... Aw...
53765,172,8,12,"Great, I just started lactating."
53766,172,8,12,"Me, too."
53767,172,8,12,"So, what do you want to do?"
53768,172,8,12,"Robin, I do not want to meddle, but this is like the classic love song says..."
53769,172,8,12,(singing loudly and high-pitched)
53770,172,8,12,Ranjit.
53771,172,8,12,"Ranjit, let's just communicate via text from now on, okay?"
53772,172,8,12,(singing stops)
53773,172,8,12,I appreciate what you're doing.
53774,172,8,12,But I'm not chasing after Barney anymore.
53775,172,8,12,I-I just got done being crazy about all that.
53776,172,8,12,"I mean, why would I want to throw myself back in that pit?"
53777,172,8,12,Because you're in love with him.
53778,172,8,12,"No, I'm not."
53779,172,8,12,I'm happy for him.
53780,172,8,12,"So, it doesn't bother you that Barney Stinson's gonna propose to another woman on top of the World Wide News building?"
53781,172,8,12,"Wait, why the top of the World Wide News building?"
53782,172,8,12,I guess it's Patrice's favorite spot in the city.
53783,172,8,12,"Damn it, Patrice, that's my favorite spot in the city!"
53784,172,8,12,Whoa.
53785,172,8,12,(phone chimes)
53786,172,8,12,"Ranjit says, ""Whoa."""
53787,172,8,12,Okay... (sighs)
53788,172,8,12,"maybe that one detail stings a little bit, but that doesn't mean I'm in love with Barney."
53789,172,8,12,(phone chimes)
53790,172,8,12,"""Sounds like she's in love with Barney."""
53791,172,8,12,"Okay, is this divider even slightly soundproof?"
53792,172,8,12,(phone chimes)
53793,172,8,12,"""Yes."""
53794,172,8,12,With a little winky face.
53795,172,8,12,"Look, I... I hope it goes well for Barney."
53796,172,8,12,I really do.
53797,172,8,12,But tonight there is no place I would rather be than at your building.
53798,172,8,12,Celebrating with you.
53799,172,8,12,Are you sure?
53800,172,8,12,"Ranjit, to Teddy Westside's kick-ass building."
53801,172,8,12,I cannot hear you.
53802,172,8,12,We will be there in five minutes.
53803,172,8,12,This kid does not mean that you're special.
53804,172,8,12,It just means that you're horny and you're easy.
53805,172,8,12,"Now, come on, let me smell his head."
53806,172,8,12,"Li-Lily, Lily, no, no, no, no, come on."
53807,172,8,12,"Seriously, Ted, what is up with the floor?"
53808,172,8,12,Lily. What?
53809,172,8,12,Is it harder than we thought to be away from Marvin? Yes.
53810,172,8,12,But are we gonna have fun or are we gonna wallow in the corner like idiots?
53811,172,8,12,"BOTH (crying): ♪ Night, night, little Marvin"
53812,172,8,12,♪ Stars twinkle for you
53813,172,8,12,♪ The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' ♪
53814,172,8,12,♪ All your dreams
53815,172,8,12,♪ Will come true.
53816,172,8,12,Hey.
53817,172,8,12,Do you realize that something you thought up in your head now exists as a part of the Manhattan skyline?
53818,172,8,12,That's huge.
53819,172,8,12,It's just a building.
53820,172,8,12,"I mean, I'm incredibly young for such an achievement, but it's just a building."
53821,172,8,12,"I mean, Architecture Vision Weekly"
53822,172,8,12,"may have dubbed it ""more than just a building,"" but it's just a building."
53823,172,8,12,So let's not get carried...
53824,172,8,12,"Okay, you're right, it's huge."
53825,172,8,12,It is huge.
53826,172,8,12,"You're the star of the party, and who knows?"
53827,172,8,12,Maybe the future Mrs. Ted Mosby is gonna be there.
53828,172,8,12,"Yeah, maybe she will."
53829,172,8,12,Oh.
53830,172,8,12,"Wait, this isn't your..."
53831,172,8,12,(sighs)
53832,172,8,12,This is the World Wide News building.
53833,172,8,12,Go get him.
53834,172,8,12,"I told you, I am done chasing Barney."
53835,172,8,12,Now can we please go to your party?
53836,172,8,12,"Robin, do you want to spend tonight making small talk with a bunch of bankers in a daring yet refined contemporary masterpiece King Kong should feel lucky to climb..."
53837,172,8,12,...or do you want to follow your heart?
53838,172,8,12,Why do you keep insisting that I have feelings for Barney?
53839,172,8,12,(phone chimes)
53840,172,8,12,Because you do.
53841,172,8,12,"See, even Ranjit agrees."
53842,172,8,12,"Oh, he's got to pee."
53843,172,8,12,"The point is, you're not over Barney."
53844,172,8,12,That's why you freaked out about him proposing on the roof of the World Wide News building.
53845,172,8,12,I did not freak out.
53846,172,8,12,"It's just... a teeny, tiny bit annoying that I am the one who showed her that roof in the first place!"
53847,172,8,12,"Damn it, Patrice!"
53848,172,8,12,Whoa.
53849,172,8,12,(phone chimes)
53850,172,8,12,"""Never mind; I found a soda bottle."""
53851,172,8,12,"Okay, that's disturbing."
53852,172,8,12,"What do you want me to do, Ted?"
53853,172,8,12,"Run up to that roof, knock the ring out of Barney's hand, and say, ""Sorry to interrupt, but you should be with me""?"
53854,172,8,12,Is that what you want?
53855,172,8,12,No.
53856,172,8,12,I don't.
53857,172,8,12,I can't keep making an ass of myself.
53858,172,8,12,"Well, a word in defense of making an ass of yourself, it's underrated."
53859,172,8,12,"Eight years ago I made an ass of myself chasing after you, and I've made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then."
53860,172,8,12,But I have no regrets.
53861,172,8,12,Because it led me to something that I wouldn't trade for the world.
53862,172,8,12,It led to you being my friend.
53863,172,8,12,"So, as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself, I say to you from the heart, get the hell out of this car."
53864,172,8,12,(exhales)
53865,172,8,12,"But, Ted, your big night."
53866,172,8,12,It's just a building.
53867,172,8,12,(door closes)
53868,172,8,12,Barney: The Robin.
53869,172,8,12,Step one: admit to yourself that you still have feelings for this girl.
53870,172,8,12,"I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her."
53871,172,8,12,More than she knows.
53872,172,8,12,Step two: choose the completely wrong moment to make a drunken move after hanging out at a strip club and get shot down on purpose.
53873,172,8,12,"Step three: agree that you two don't work, locking the door on any future you could have together."
53874,172,8,12,I'm done trying to get you.
53875,172,8,12,I can't do it anymore.
53876,172,8,12,Which will drive Robin nuts.
53877,172,8,12,Huh.
53878,172,8,12,Step four: Robin goes nuts.
53879,172,8,12,Step five: find the person who annoys Robin most in the world...
53880,172,8,12,"Nobody asked for your help, Patrice!"
53881,172,8,12,...and ask for her help.
53882,172,8,12,"Oh, hi, Barney."
53883,172,8,12,What are you doing here?
53884,172,8,12,"Actually, I'm looking for you."
53885,172,8,12,"This may sound kind of weird, but I have a proposition..."
53886,172,8,12,Explain everything to Patrice and hope she agrees to help.
53887,172,8,12,Yay. I love Robin.
53888,172,8,12,Of course I'll help.
53889,172,8,12,(giggles)
53890,172,8,12,"Good, good."
53891,172,8,12,(screams)
53892,172,8,12,Step six: check with your doctor about possible broken ribs.
53893,172,8,12,Step seven: pretend to be dating Patrice.
53894,172,8,12,"Nobody asked you here, Patrice!"
53895,172,8,12,"Actually, I did."
53896,172,8,12,"Step eight: wait until Robin inevitably breaks into your place to find the Playbook and show it to Patrice, which you'll monitor via the hidden cameras you have in your apartment."
53897,172,8,12,"Patrice, the robin's in the nest."
53898,172,8,12,That means Robin broke into my apartment Were you even listening when I explained the codes?
53899,172,8,12,"Step nine: after Patrice finds the Playbook, have your first big fight."
53900,172,8,12,This is going so well.
53901,172,8,12,Thank you so much.
53902,172,8,12,"I know, but what the heck are Lily and Ted doing here?"
53903,172,8,12,I don't know. My friends have no boundaries.
53904,172,8,12,(groans)
53905,172,8,12,How can I ever thank you?
53906,172,8,12,Will you watch my cat next weekend?
53907,172,8,12,No.
53908,172,8,12,"Come on, we should probably go back inside."
53909,172,8,12,"Step ten: prove your loyalty to Patrice by burning the Playbook, and actually burn it."
53910,172,8,12,You don't need it anymore.
53911,172,8,12,"Step 11: because your friends have no boundaries, they'll inevitably have an intervention for Robin, which you'll monitor via the hidden cameras you have in Marshall and Lily's apartment."
53912,172,8,12,Step 12: tell only Ted about your plan to propose to Patrice.
53913,172,8,12,You can't tell anybody.
53914,172,8,12,Agreed?
53915,172,8,12,"Step 13: wait and see if Ted tells Robin, and if he does..."
53916,172,8,12,Barney's getting engaged.
53917,172,8,12,...it means your best bro in the world has let go of Robin and has given you his blessing.
53918,172,8,12,Step 14: Robin arrives at her favorite spot in the city and finds the secret final page of the Playbook.
53919,172,8,12,The last play you'll ever run.
53920,172,8,12,Step 15: Robin realizes she's standing underneath mistletoe.
53921,172,8,12,(sighs)
53922,172,8,12,"Seriously, Barney?"
53923,172,8,12,"Even you, even someone as certifiably insane as you must realize that this is too far."
53924,172,8,12,"You lied to me, manipulated me for weeks."
53925,172,8,12,Do you really think I could ever kiss you after that?
53926,172,8,12,Do you really think I could ever trust you after that?
53927,172,8,12,"This... this is proof of why we don't work, why we'll never work."
53928,172,8,12,So thank you.
53929,172,8,12,"You've set me free because... how could I be with a man who thinks that this... trick, this enormous lie could ever make me want to date him again?"
53930,172,8,12,Turn it over.
53931,172,8,12,(sighs)
53932,172,8,12,Robin Scherbatsky...
53933,172,8,12,...will you marry me?
53934,172,8,12,Yes.
53935,172,8,12,♪ In the oceans deep
53936,172,8,12,♪ In the canyons steep
53937,172,8,12,♪ Walls of granite
53938,172,8,12,♪ Here I stand
53939,172,8,12,♪ All my desperate calls
53940,172,8,12,♪ Echo off the walls
53941,172,8,12,♪ Back and forth...
53942,172,8,12,"And so, let's all raise a glass to Ted Mosby."
53943,172,8,12,None of this would have been possible without him.
53944,172,8,12,To Ted.
53945,172,8,12,All: To Ted.
53946,172,8,12,♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
53947,172,8,12,♪ Oh-oh-oh-
53948,172,8,12,oh-oh ♪♪ Oh-oh
53949,172,8,12,♪ To believe
53950,172,8,12,♪ I walk
53951,172,8,12,♪ Alone
53952,172,8,12,♪ Is a lie
53953,172,8,12,♪ That I've ♪
53954,172,8,12,♪ Been told
53955,172,8,12,♪ So let your heart hold fast
53956,172,8,12,♪ For this soon shall pass
53957,173,8,13,"Narrator: Kids, in late 2012, I received a very important text message. Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin were engaged, marking a truly happy time for our little group. The problem was one of us was definitely not happy."
53958,173,8,13,(crying)
53959,173,8,13,Marvin will not stop crying.
53960,173,8,13,What do you guys think it is?
53961,173,8,13,Is he hungry?
53962,173,8,13,"Well, that must be it."
53963,173,8,13,Huh!
53964,173,8,13,"Thank you for thinking of that, Ted."
53965,173,8,13,And here we were just watering him and facing him towards the sunlight.
53966,173,8,13,"Sorry, I haven't slept in..."
53967,173,8,13,January.
53968,173,8,13,"Marshall: Food going in isn't the problem, it's what's coming out, or not coming out."
53969,173,8,13,He hasn't pooped in three days.
53970,173,8,13,"Lily: Yeah, normally I wouldn't wish one of his dirty diapers on my worst enemy, but now I kind of miss popping the hood in the morning and finding that first big juicy, black..."
53971,173,8,13,"Lily, I'm eating chili."
53972,173,8,13,"I'm eating chili, Lily."
53973,173,8,13,Confetti.
53974,173,8,13,Big blast of confetti.
53975,173,8,13,"Normally, the kid's a confetti machine."
53976,173,8,13,He's Rip Taylor in a diaper.
53977,173,8,13,"Marshall: I have a feeling at this point, Rip Taylor is Rip Taylor in a diaper."
53978,173,8,13,"And with that image, dinner is done."
53979,173,8,13,"Hey, guys."
53980,173,8,13,"Hey. Well, well, well."
53981,173,8,13,Here comes the bride.
53982,173,8,13,"Now the annoying part, right?"
53983,173,8,13,Planning the wedding?
53984,173,8,13,"So not fun, right?"
53985,173,8,13,I don't know-- I'm kind of looking forward to it.
53986,173,8,13,"Fine, I'll do it for you."
53987,173,8,13,First thing we need to do is set a date.
53988,173,8,13,"May 25, 2013."
53989,173,8,13,"Thank you, Ted."
53990,173,8,13,The ladies are talking.
53991,173,8,13,"Actually, that is the date."
53992,173,8,13,Ted offered to help with the planning a little.
53993,173,8,13,"And, well, uh..."
53994,173,8,13,That's a big binder.
53995,173,8,13,"Oh, this?"
53996,173,8,13,This is just cakes.
53997,173,8,13,"Anyway, we're having the ceremony at that beautiful little church out on Long Island, where Victoria almost got married-- lovely spot."
53998,173,8,13,And then we're gonna have a reception in a big white tent on the front lawn of the hotel.
53999,173,8,13,"Oh, and, uh, the colors are cream and lilac."
54000,173,8,13,"I will cut you, bitch."
54001,173,8,13,"No, L-L-Lily..."
54002,173,8,13,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x13 ♪
54003,173,8,13,Band or DJ
54004,173,8,13,"Original Air Date on January 14, 2013"
54005,173,8,13,"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."
54006,173,8,13,"I'm cool, I'm cool."
54007,173,8,13,"Marshall: Hey, Robin, where's Barney?"
54008,173,8,13,Did he skip town already?
54009,173,8,13,"If so, exactly what time was it?"
54010,173,8,13,It's important for the over/under.
54011,173,8,13,"Barney's fine, it's just... well, earlier this morning..."
54012,173,8,13,"So, it's been three days since I said yes."
54013,173,8,13,True.
54014,173,8,13,And your panic attacks are getting shorter and further apart.
54015,173,8,13,I can't do this! I feel like I'm drowning!
54016,173,8,13,Also true.
54017,173,8,13,So I guess we're officially engaged.
54018,173,8,13,Maybe we should tell our parents.
54019,173,8,13,I assume my dad already knows--
54020,173,8,13,"you did call him and got his permission, right?"
54021,173,8,13,(laughs)
54022,173,8,13,"Yeah, yeah, Robin."
54023,173,8,13,I bought you with an ox and some spices from the East.
54024,173,8,13,"Uh, he's gonna put you in a cage. and send you on horseback to my remote desert camp."
54025,173,8,13,"Okay, Barney... Hold on, I'm not done."
54026,173,8,13,Where you'll be bathed in perfumes and oils and delivered to my tent.
54027,173,8,13,"After you perform the traditional Dance of the Seven Veils, we'll adjourn to the tiger skin rug where we'll..."
54028,173,8,13,Barney... Robin!
54029,173,8,13,"If we're gonna build a marriage together, we have got to stop interrupting each other all the time."
54030,173,8,13,(sighs)
54031,173,8,13,"Fine, finish your story."
54032,173,8,13,Thank you.
54033,173,8,13,(scoffs)
54034,173,8,13,Where we'll do it.
54035,173,8,13,Did you ask for my father's permission?
54036,173,8,13,"No, I did not."
54037,173,8,13,"So, as some of you know, my dad is a little scary."
54038,173,8,13,A little? Dude's a stone cold Slytherin.
54039,173,8,13,He always looks like he just came from slapping some guy tied to a chair in a back room.
54040,173,8,13,"Anyway, we go get lunch..."
54041,173,8,13,"Look, I know I already told you this, but my dad is a scary guy."
54042,173,8,13,"Please, I think I can handle..."
54043,173,8,13,"Oh, vampire in the daylight, vampire in the daylight!"
54044,173,8,13,"ROBIN (quietly): Oh, my God."
54045,173,8,13,(sighs)
54046,173,8,13,"Hello, Robin."
54047,173,8,13,"Hello, sir."
54048,173,8,13,"Put that thing away, Give your old man a hug."
54049,173,8,13,And then it got really scary.
54050,173,8,13,I'm glad you could meet me here at my favorite restaurant.
54051,173,8,13,Carol and I come here all the time.
54052,173,8,13,(clears throat)
54053,173,8,13,I... you...
54054,173,8,13,When... Da... who's Carol?
54055,173,8,13,"Oh, right, you haven't met Carol, um..."
54056,173,8,13,(gasps)
54057,173,8,13,Very special woman.
54058,173,8,13,"48 years old, dental hygienist, no kids."
54059,173,8,13,Likes Zumba.
54060,173,8,13,She's the reason I moved to New York City.
54061,173,8,13,"Eight months ago. Thanks for the call, by the way."
54062,173,8,13,"Well, I figured you knew."
54063,173,8,13,It's on my Facebook page.
54064,173,8,13,You really should respond to my friend request.
54065,173,8,13,I post a lot of great stuff.
54066,173,8,13,Are you familiar with memes?
54067,173,8,13,"There's a cat who says, ""I can has cheeseburger"""""
54068,173,8,13,"Okay, what the hell happened to you?"
54069,173,8,13,"Robin, I know in the past, I have been... emotionally distant."
54070,173,8,13,But Carol has brought out a whole new side of me.
54071,173,8,13,"I have a new outlook on life a devil-may-care insouciance that embodies the credo, ""No shirt, no shoes, no problem."""
54072,173,8,13,Robin...
54073,173,8,13,I'm fun now.
54074,173,8,13,(all groaning)
54075,173,8,13,"Oh, God."
54076,173,8,13,He's fun now? That does not sound fun.
54077,173,8,13,No child should have to see a parent go through that.
54078,173,8,13,"Well, it probably took some of the pressure off the Barney of it all."
54079,173,8,13,"Sir, hi."
54080,173,8,13,My name is Barney Stinson.
54081,173,8,13,This is Barney?
54082,173,8,13,This man is blond.
54083,173,8,13,Grown men are not blond.
54084,173,8,13,Dad.
54085,173,8,13,Pleased to meet you.
54086,173,8,13,That's a very... fun hair color.
54087,173,8,13,"That's nothing-- when he met me, his first words were, ""Nice blouse"""" You were wearing a blouse."
54088,173,8,13,It was not a blouse!
54089,173,8,13,"Oh, great. You're all here."
54090,173,8,13,Let's talk about our wedding band.
54091,173,8,13,"How much do you guys think they should rock? 'Cause I vote, a million."
54092,173,8,13,"Yeah, yeah, I think we already settled on a DJ, so..."
54093,173,8,13,"Barney: Lily, do you remember the band you guys almost hired for your wedding?"
54094,173,8,13,Remember them?
54095,173,8,13,I'll call them up and book them for you.
54096,173,8,13,Just say the word.
54097,173,8,13,"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like we keep coming back to this DJ thing."
54098,173,8,13,"What do you think, baby?"
54099,173,8,13,"Yeah, I don't think anyone should book anything right now."
54100,173,8,13,Why not?
54101,173,8,13,"Well, I am going to go the room marked ""Spaghettis,"" which I'm hoping is the ladies room. ""Meatballs"" has to be men's, right?"
54102,173,8,13,"I don't know what the hell ""Calamaris"" is."
54103,173,8,13,(mouthing)
54104,173,8,13,(anxious laugh)
54105,173,8,13,Um...
54106,173,8,13,"Sir, I-I-I..."
54107,173,8,13,Permission denied.
54108,173,8,13,Ooh.
54109,173,8,13,"And it turns out, ""spaghettis"" are men."
54110,173,8,13,I saw a noodle.
54111,173,8,13,Marshall: He said no?
54112,173,8,13,"Yeah, I don't know what we're gonna do."
54113,173,8,13,"Relax, baby. I got this."
54114,173,8,13,I know how to be persuasive.
54115,173,8,13,"Narrator: The next day, Uncle Barney met Robin's dad for lunch at the same restaurant."
54116,173,8,13,"This time, with a plan."
54117,173,8,13,"Hello, Mr. Scherbatsky."
54118,173,8,13,I think we got off on the wrong foot.
54119,173,8,13,You have my attention.
54120,173,8,13,I left the meatball at home so I could talk to you spaghetti to spaghetti.
54121,173,8,13,Sir...
54122,173,8,13,I'm very serious about marrying your daughter.
54123,173,8,13,"Barney, when I wanted to marry Robin's mother, I slaughtered a whole family of bears with my bare hands."
54124,173,8,13,I gave the pelts and the bear meat to her father as tribute.
54125,173,8,13,You know what we call that in Canada?
54126,173,8,13,Manners.
54127,173,8,13,Man: Would either of you like a mudslide?
54128,173,8,13,I just had one. Thank you.
54129,173,8,13,I'll have a Jazzy Pizzazzy Razzleberry Rainbow Milkshake with a swirly straw?
54130,173,8,13,You didn't say the magic word.
54131,173,8,13,I'll go get your drink.
54132,173,8,13,(Marvin crying)
54133,173,8,13,"Still crying, huh?"
54134,173,8,13,Yeah. We've tried everything short of a pack of smokes and a cup of coffee.
54135,173,8,13,Still nothing but clean dipeys.
54136,173,8,13,There's only one explanation for this.
54137,173,8,13,Marvin has potty-trained himself.
54138,173,8,13,He sneaks into the bathroom while we're sleeping.
54139,173,8,13,I'll ask Barney to check the tapes.
54140,173,8,13,Barney has cameras in our bathroom?!
54141,173,8,13,"Well, I mean, don't you think?"
54142,173,8,13,"Hey, guys. Robin, good."
54143,173,8,13,You're here. Bad news.
54144,173,8,13,That wedding band you wanted is booked for May 25.
54145,173,8,13,"Oh, no. What are you gonna do?"
54146,173,8,13,"Oh! Oh, hey! Here's an idea."
54147,173,8,13,"Oh, God, Ted, if you suggest a DJ..."
54148,173,8,13,Far from it.
54149,173,8,13,I was going to suggest a band.
54150,173,8,13,A band called... Kool and the Gang.
54151,173,8,13,"Robin, would you like for me to get Kool and the Gang to play at your wedding?"
54152,173,8,13,"Uh... I... yeah, guess so."
54153,173,8,13,"And would it be okay if they invited their friends, Beyonce and-and ABBA, and the Bee Gees, and Journey, and Queen?"
54154,173,8,13,What? You're...? What are you say...?
54155,173,8,13,How... how is that even possible?
54156,173,8,13,I'll tell you how.
54157,173,8,13,You hire a DJ.
54158,173,8,13,Wicka-wicka-wicka-burn.
54159,173,8,13,"Robin: Ugh! God, this is, like, the fifteenth time my dad has sent me a friend request."
54160,173,8,13,"I'm just gonna hit ""accept."""
54161,173,8,13,"No, no, no. No, no, no, no, don't do it, Robin."
54162,173,8,13,You don't want to see what's behind that door.
54163,173,8,13,What are you talking about?
54164,173,8,13,"He's talking about my mom's 2,000-word review of Fifty Shades of Grey."
54165,173,8,13,"And 14 of those words were ""vulva."""
54166,173,8,13,You're gonna get endless requests to play some game that has something to do with gangsters and farming.
54167,173,8,13,Never mind the embarrassing cheerleading photos from high school.
54168,173,8,13,"Begged my mom to burn those. TED: Robin, trust me, no good can come from accepting that friend request."
54169,173,8,13,"Yeah, I-I think I may have given you guys the wrong impression."
54170,173,8,13,"Okay, my dad is actually not that bad of a guy."
54171,173,8,13,"Do it, Barney. Squeeze that trigger."
54172,173,8,13,I don't want to do this.
54173,173,8,13,"Well, you think I wanted to kill that bear?"
54174,173,8,13,"Yeah, kind of. Oh, yeah, you're right."
54175,173,8,13,(whimpers)
54176,173,8,13,I can't do this.
54177,173,8,13,(sighs)
54178,173,8,13,(sobbing)
54179,173,8,13,Oh.
54180,173,8,13,What... what the hell is this?!
54181,173,8,13,Your dad is crazy!
54182,173,8,13,He wanted me to kill Fluffernutter!
54183,173,8,13,I told you not to give him a name!
54184,173,8,13,"Well, I did!"
54185,173,8,13,I gave him a name and a backstory!
54186,173,8,13,He comes from a magical rabbit warren underneath the old rusty tractor.
54187,173,8,13,"He was the runt of the litter, but he persevered."
54188,173,8,13,"He... Oh, give me this. Give it to me!"
54189,173,8,13,"Dad, is there, um, something you want to tell me?"
54190,173,8,13,(sighs heavily)
54191,173,8,13,"Well, in the early '80s, I did some wet work for the CIA."
54192,173,8,13,"Yes, Daddy, I remember the bedtime stories."
54193,173,8,13,"No, I'm, uh, talking about your Facebook page?"
54194,173,8,13,It says you're married.
54195,173,8,13,"Well... yes, uh, Carol and I were in Key Largo at a performance of the recording artist James Buffett."
54196,173,8,13,We're what are known as Parrotheads.
54197,173,8,13,"And, uh, well, one thing led to the other, and, uh... we got married."
54198,173,8,13,You didn't want to tell me about it?
54199,173,8,13,I Facebooked it... on Facebook.
54200,173,8,13,"Okay, you know what, Dad?"
54201,173,8,13,"Since you obviously have no interest in involving me in your personal life, I may as well tell you: Barney and I are already engaged."
54202,173,8,13,That's right.
54203,173,8,13,"I'm behind you on this, Robin."
54204,173,8,13,Directly behind you.
54205,173,8,13,"Anyway, this is happening."
54206,173,8,13,"And since I wasn't invited to your wedding, you're not invited to mine."
54207,173,8,13,Good-bye.
54208,173,8,13,(door shuts)
54209,173,8,13,"Oh, no!"
54210,173,8,13,Fluffernutter peed all over my pants!
54211,173,8,13,(Marvin crying)
54212,173,8,13,"So, I just called up that wedding band's road manager to get the number of the people who booked them for the 25th, so I could bribe them into giving up the band."
54213,173,8,13,You did what?! That is so dishonest!
54214,173,8,13,"No matter what happens next, I think we can all agree, you're in the wrong here, Lily."
54215,173,8,13,"It's your number, Ted."
54216,173,8,13,"All right, you got me!"
54217,173,8,13,I put a non-refundable deposit on that band to keep Barney and Robin from booking them.
54218,173,8,13,And I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't a really stupid and expensive plan.
54219,173,8,13,"Dude, why would you do that?"
54220,173,8,13,I don't see what the big deal is.
54221,173,8,13,"The big deal is Robin deserves better than some crappy, unreliable band!"
54222,173,8,13,"Sure, bands seem cool with their nice suits and their well-rehearsed moves, but let's be honest: bands let you down."
54223,173,8,13,"They-They cheat, they deceive, and God knows they've slept with every girl in New York City."
54224,173,8,13,"I just, I can't believe Robin is going through with marrying... the idea of getting a band."
54225,173,8,13,"And that is, that's a perfectly normal way to phrase that."
54226,173,8,13,"Okay, Ted, bar. Now."
54227,173,8,13,Nice try.
54228,173,8,13,"You're gonna stick me with that baby so that you guys can spend five minutes sorting out his love life, followed by an hour of you getting drunk and pretending to be in The Departed."
54229,173,8,13,"You know what? I'm sorry, Lily, okay?"
54230,173,8,13,But I just need to know: (Boston accent): Are you a cop? I'm not a cop!
54231,173,8,13,Are you a cop? I'm not a cop!
54232,173,8,13,Uh-uh.
54233,173,8,13,I got this.
54234,173,8,13,"Ted, you, me, upstairs."
54235,173,8,13,Roof. Now.
54236,173,8,13,What? It's January. Move!
54237,173,8,13,(Marvin coos)
54238,173,8,13,Let's cut the crap.
54239,173,8,13,We're both freezing--
54240,173,8,13,just say it and we can go downstairs.
54241,173,8,13,Say what?
54242,173,8,13,Say how much you hate that Robin and Barney are getting married.
54243,173,8,13,What? No. I...
54244,173,8,13,I'm happy for them.
54245,173,8,13,I-I encouraged Robin to go after Barney.
54246,173,8,13,I know-- because you thought you were okay letting her go.
54247,173,8,13,"But now that she's really gone, it hurts."
54248,173,8,13,
54249,173,8,13,"Narrator: Kids, at that point in my life,"
54250,173,8,13,I'd been hurt quite a few times already.
54251,173,8,13,"Today, we're gonna braid friendship bracelets."
54252,173,8,13,"(Ted grunts, groans)"
54253,173,8,13,(woman yelps)
54254,173,8,13,(Ted grunts)
54255,173,8,13,♪ I fell in love...
54256,173,8,13,There is a very simple explana... ah!
54257,173,8,13,"This one time, I was playing tennis, and..."
54258,173,8,13,(screams)
54259,173,8,13,Ooh!
54260,173,8,13,"Oh, ow! Ow!"
54261,173,8,13,(bleats)
54262,173,8,13,(choking)
54263,173,8,13,"Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied in your pants down by the lake?"
54264,173,8,13,Unbelievable!
54265,173,8,13,(Ted groans)
54266,173,8,13,(Barney laughs)
54267,173,8,13,(shrieking)
54268,173,8,13,Do you love me?
54269,173,8,13,No.
54270,173,8,13,"Narrator: But when I saw that text message, and found out Robin was engaged, it was like:"
54271,173,8,13,"(grunting, screaming, choking)"
54272,173,8,13,Unbelievable!
54273,173,8,13,"(grunts, shrieks)"
54274,173,8,13,No.
54275,173,8,13,...times a million.
54276,173,8,13,I am happy for them.
54277,173,8,13,"Is all you'll let yourself say out loud, because if you said anything to the contrary, well, that would make you the most awful person on this rooftop."
54278,173,8,13,"So, I'm gonna give you an out."
54279,173,8,13,And how are you gonna do that?
54280,173,8,13,By saying something that is even more awful.
54281,173,8,13,Like what?
54282,173,8,13,(sighs)
54283,173,8,13,Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom.
54284,173,8,13,Sometimes I want to pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night and not come back.
54285,173,8,13,"Robin shouldn't be with Barney, she should be with me."
54286,173,8,13,(sighing)
54287,173,8,13,You serious?
54288,173,8,13,I don't know.
54289,173,8,13,"I mean, I love being a mom, and..."
54290,173,8,13,I love Marvin so much.
54291,173,8,13,But... but do you remember when I wanted to be an artist?
54292,173,8,13,Art was my whole life.
54293,173,8,13,And-and now it's been months since I've even picked up a brush.
54294,173,8,13,"I-I spend the whole day taking care of kids at my job, and I come home and it's more of the same."
54295,173,8,13,It just...
54296,173,8,13,(sighs)
54297,173,8,13,"It never lets up, it..."
54298,173,8,13,"It's just really, really hard, Ted."
54299,173,8,13,Have you talked to Marshall about how you feel?
54300,173,8,13,Have you talked to Robin about how you feel?
54301,173,8,13,(sighs)
54302,173,8,13,Fair enough.
54303,173,8,13,"I just think we have to accept our lots in life, and I have to be a mom to a... a beautiful, wonderful--"
54304,173,8,13,if slightly constipated--
54305,173,8,13,"little boy, and... you have to let Robin and Barney get a band."
54306,173,8,13,"All right, let's see what's in this dipey."
54307,173,8,13,Nothing.
54308,173,8,13,Absolutely nothing.
54309,173,8,13,Hey.
54310,173,8,13,Are you finally giving Daddy a smile?
54311,173,8,13,Oh!
54312,173,8,13,"Oh, God!"
54313,173,8,13,"Narrator: And, no, it wasn't confetti."
54314,173,8,13,Oh!
54315,173,8,13,"Oh, God!"
54316,173,8,13,Please!
54317,173,8,13,Holy confetti.
54318,173,8,13,"Narrator: That night, Robin agreed"
54319,173,8,13,to meet her dad one more time.
54320,173,8,13,Your Dad has something to say.
54321,173,8,13,(Robin Sr. clears throat)
54322,173,8,13,(clears throat again)
54323,173,8,13,I'm sorry for getting married without consulting you.
54324,173,8,13,It was wrong of me.
54325,173,8,13,"There. Now, Robin..."
54326,173,8,13,I know that no mere apology will fix this.
54327,173,8,13,And that is why I've asked Carol for a divorce.
54328,173,8,13,What?!
54329,173,8,13,"She's heartbroken, understandably."
54330,173,8,13,Possibly suicidal.
54331,173,8,13,I did not tell him...
54332,173,8,13,But if that's the price for my daughter's love... then I will gladly let Carol pay it.
54333,173,8,13,(sighs)
54334,173,8,13,Was that not what you wanted?
54335,173,8,13,You want to know what I want?
54336,173,8,13,(grunts)
54337,173,8,13,A normal dad. That's all.
54338,173,8,13,I want you to give this blond guy permission to marry me.
54339,173,8,13,"Come to the wedding, give me away, smile in the pictures, and then... dance with me like a normal dad."
54340,173,8,13,"Is that too much to ask? ""Of course not. ""Oh, Robin, my darling girl, ""of course I'll do all stuff. ""I love you and I'm proud of you."""
54341,173,8,13,He didn't say that?
54342,173,8,13,No.
54343,173,8,13,Fine. One dance--
54344,173,8,13,"""Cheeseburger in Paradise."""
54345,173,8,13,And Carol's going to sing it.
54346,173,8,13,"Well, see you at the wedding."
54347,173,8,13,But it's kind of amazing.
54348,173,8,13,"I mean, he's never apologized to me in his life."
54349,173,8,13,Barney made it happen.
54350,173,8,13,He must really love me.
54351,173,8,13,"Well, he'd be crazy not to."
54352,173,8,13,I'm really happy for you guys.
54353,173,8,13,But I still think you should get a DJ.
54354,173,8,13,"Ju-Ju.. For God's sakes, Ted."
54355,173,8,13,Hear me out.
54356,173,8,13,"Narrator: I made a pretty strong case that night, but in the end, she didn't want a DJ."
54357,173,8,13,She wanted a band.
54358,173,8,13,And guess what happened.
54359,173,8,13,"That's right, the band cancelled at the last minute, just like I said they would."
54360,173,8,13,"The wedding is in a week, and no bands."
54361,173,8,13,When will people realize I always know what's what?
54362,173,8,13,He says to the lesbian he dated for a month.
54363,173,8,13,That's a fair point.
54364,173,8,13,"Anyway, you guys wouldn't, uh, happen to know of any good wedding bands available at the last minute, would you?"
54365,173,8,13,"Ted, do you believe in destiny?"
54366,173,8,13,"You really don't know me, do you?"
54367,173,8,13,We just had brunch with my ex-roommate.
54368,173,8,13,The bass player?
54369,173,8,13,"No, she's not just a bass player."
54370,173,8,13,She's a bass player in the best wedding band in the tri-state area.
54371,173,8,13,"They had a gig lined up for this weekend, but it just fell through this morning."
54372,173,8,13,"You, my friend, are gonna save that wedding."
54373,173,8,13,Do you know any DJs?
54374,173,8,13,"Dude, come on."
54375,173,8,13,"Let it go, bro. Just let it go."
54376,173,8,13,"All right, all right, all right."
54377,173,8,13,"Well, I guess, uh..."
54378,173,8,13,(laughs)
54379,173,8,13,Guess it's a lucky thing I ran into you guys.
54380,173,8,13,"Narrator: And, kids, ""lucky"" doesn't even begin to describe it."
54381,173,8,13,♪
54382,174,8,14,You guys. You guys will not believe what just happened.
54383,174,8,14,"On my way here, a taxi jumped the curb and it pinned this old lady, and I-I just went into this, like, crazy adrenaline mode and I somehow lifted it off her."
54384,174,8,14,"Oh, my God, Ted, your wrist."
54385,174,8,14,"Oh, yeah, I guess it's a little swollen."
54386,174,8,14,"I must've strained it lifting. No, I believe our dear friend Lily was referring to your other wrist."
54387,174,8,14,The one wearing the male birth control.
54388,174,8,14,"Robin: I was gonna go with ""chastity bracelet."""
54389,174,8,14,"God, is it possible to love you more?"
54390,174,8,14,"Ted: Really? Really? I just saved someone's life, and you guys are focusing on this?"
54391,174,8,14,"Yeah, you know what, guys? Leave him alone."
54392,174,8,14,"All right, he's a hero."
54393,174,8,14,Thank you.
54394,174,8,14,Do you think that your super strength came from wearing Wonder Woman's magic wrist cuff?
54395,174,8,14,(laughter)
54396,174,8,14,"Yeah, I'll have you know that because of this cuff, I have a date."
54397,174,8,14,With some hand lotion and the Internet?
54398,174,8,14,It is possible to love you more!
54399,174,8,14,She exists.
54400,174,8,14,And she's right outside.
54401,174,8,14,Great. Bring her in.
54402,174,8,14,You know what? It's so nice out.
54403,174,8,14,Why don't... why don't we just all go for a walk.
54404,174,8,14,"It's pouring rain, Ted. I think it's pretty obvious she can't fit through the door. Mm."
54405,174,8,14,"She is a gorgeous, athletic woman. ""Athletic""? Sideburns, no cans."
54406,174,8,14,She is hot.
54407,174,8,14,"So why can't she come in, Ted?"
54408,174,8,14,She can come in.
54409,174,8,14,(quietly): In six and a half months.
54410,174,8,14,Wait. Are you saying she's...
54411,174,8,14,Twenty.
54412,174,8,14,And a half.
54413,174,8,14,(clears throat)
54414,174,8,14,Almost.
54415,174,8,14,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x14 ♪
54416,174,8,14,Ring Up
54417,174,8,14,"Original Air Date on January 21, 2013"
54418,174,8,14,"Ah-ah! Hold up, guys."
54419,174,8,14,"She had to bounce. Um, a flash mob broke out in front of a line of Korean-Mexican food trucks in Williamsburg."
54420,174,8,14,The only thing that would make her more of a 20-year-old is an ironic form of transportation. BARNEY: Yeah.
54421,174,8,14,She's roller skating there.
54422,174,8,14,(laughs)
54423,174,8,14,I don't know which is more pathetic--
54424,174,8,14,that you're going out with a 20-year-old or that you bought a leather cuff to get a date with her.
54425,174,8,14,Ted: I didn't buy this to get a date.
54426,174,8,14,"I just happened to be out catching up on some Saturday afternoon leather cuff shopping, ROBIN: Oh. and she just happened to be a leather cuff saleswoman."
54427,174,8,14,(others groan)
54428,174,8,14,"God, I am so glad I am done chasing bimbos."
54429,174,8,14,"Now that I'm engaged, that whole part of my life just seems sad and empty."
54430,174,8,14,"I don't want this to sound too harsh, Ted, but you disgust me."
54431,174,8,14,"Until a month ago, your headboard had a lube dispenser."
54432,174,8,14,"Uh, yeah."
54433,174,8,14,"We got rid of that, okay? Yeah."
54434,174,8,14,"Robin: Anyway, speaking of engaged, check out what got back from being resized."
54435,174,8,14,"Oh, my God. Look at the size of that rock."
54436,174,8,14,"Barney, you don't start with the I-got-caught-cheating diamond."
54437,174,8,14,You give yourself room to grow.
54438,174,8,14,It's a family heirloom.
54439,174,8,14,"Yeah, I got a few dirty looks from Barney's half-sister over Christmas, so I had to sit her down and explain very respectfully... that she can suck it."
54440,174,8,14,(chuckles)
54441,174,8,14,Ted: Okay.
54442,174,8,14,I got to bounce.
54443,174,8,14,Stop saying that.
54444,174,8,14,This DJ from Dubai is spinning at an abandoned loading dock in Bushwick.
54445,174,8,14,I'm worried I don't have enough layers.
54446,174,8,14,(others groan)
54447,174,8,14,Narrator: So what if my friends thought it was doomed?
54448,174,8,14,"I was still young, and I knew that a night of partying with a girl over a decade younger than me would be a total..."
54449,174,8,14,...disaster. She's like an entirely different species.
54450,174,8,14,(sneezes)
54451,174,8,14,And I definitely didn't have enough layers.
54452,174,8,14,I didn't understand half the words she was saying.
54453,174,8,14,"To me, it all sounded like hipster Mad Libs."
54454,174,8,14,Didn't you check your phone?
54455,174,8,14,"I just ""means of contacting"" you on ""currently hot social networking site."""
54456,174,8,14,"The show's been moved to ""New York neighborhood you've never heard of."""
54457,174,8,14,"Oh. Wow, my phone has a clock."
54458,174,8,14,And they subsist on a diet of pointlessly weird combinations.
54459,174,8,14,Ooh.
54460,174,8,14,"Hey, do you want to split a kimchi cupcake with bacon frosting?"
54461,174,8,14,They are the best here.
54462,174,8,14,"Uh, yeah. Yeah, that'll go great with my cucumber jalapeño egg cream."
54463,174,8,14,Chug it! Come on. Come on.
54464,174,8,14,We got to get going. Right. Okay.
54465,174,8,14,"Then later, at a club in Chinatown somehow located beneath a manhole cover, it got weird."
54466,174,8,14,"God, I just love those tiny gray hairs in your eyebrows."
54467,174,8,14,Old men are so sexy.
54468,174,8,14,"(Marshall, Lily, Barney and Robin groan)"
54469,174,8,14,"All right, to be fair, some of those gray hairs were dried egg cream."
54470,174,8,14,"Turns out, when you projectile vomit on skates, you roll right into the spray."
54471,174,8,14,(Barney groans)
54472,174,8,14,"Wait, how old does she think you are?"
54473,174,8,14,"So, were you in Vietnam?"
54474,174,8,14,(others groan)
54475,174,8,14,Hold that groan.
54476,174,8,14,(helicopter blades whirring)
54477,174,8,14,Charlie was everywhere.
54478,174,8,14,(others groan)
54479,174,8,14,She's hot! She likes old guys!
54480,174,8,14,Don't judge me!
54481,174,8,14,"Anyway, when we got out on the dance floor, th..."
54482,174,8,14,"I swear, this is what all the 20-year-olds looked like..."
54483,174,8,14,(dance music playing)
54484,174,8,14,(others groan)
54485,174,8,14,"I want to thank you for your service to this nation, Private."
54486,174,8,14,Colonel.
54487,174,8,14,Aw.
54488,174,8,14,I got to end this.
54489,174,8,14,"Yeah, seriously, Ted."
54490,174,8,14,Pretending to be someone else just to get laid?
54491,174,8,14,That's... (scoffs)
54492,174,8,14,embarrassing.
54493,174,8,14,Your Highness!
54494,174,8,14,Let's go.
54495,174,8,14,"Ew. Marshall, take that off."
54496,174,8,14,What? I think it looks kind of cool.
54497,174,8,14,Cool?
54498,174,8,14,You look like one of those jerks who's in some lame band and rides a motorcycle without a helmet and has a wallet chain and neck tattoos and a drug problem.
54499,174,8,14,"Not a... a big one, just, uh... enough that he deals a little bit on the side, and... he can never... ever be true to one woman."
54500,174,8,14,Finish that damn pickle and do me!
54501,174,8,14,(both moaning)
54502,174,8,14,(door opens)
54503,174,8,14,(Robin sighs)
54504,174,8,14,"Okay, you guys know how my mornings usually go."
54505,174,8,14,Why would we care how...
54506,174,8,14,Usually it's like this.
54507,174,8,14,"(bright, cheerful music plays)"
54508,174,8,14,After you.
54509,174,8,14,"Aw, thank you."
54510,174,8,14,"(giggles, gasps)"
54511,174,8,14,"On the house, Robin!"
54512,174,8,14,♪ Take this bagel on the house
54513,174,8,14,♪ Have a paper on the house
54514,174,8,14,♪ I'd give you a house on the house ♪♪ If I could
54515,174,8,14,♪ You're so beautiful
54516,174,8,14,♪ Everything in life should be free ♪
54517,174,8,14,♪ It's so wonderful to be me!
54518,174,8,14,Mmm.
54519,174,8,14,(giggles)
54520,174,8,14,Lily: Wow.
54521,174,8,14,"Do little bluebirds help you get dressed in the morning, too?"
54522,174,8,14,♪ She's exaggerating
54523,174,8,14,♪ To make a point!
54524,174,8,14,But today was different.
54525,174,8,14,"(bright, cheerful music plays)"
54526,174,8,14,(music ends)
54527,174,8,14,That'll be $3.75.
54528,174,8,14,But I didn't have to pay yesterday.
54529,174,8,14,Okay. $7.50.
54530,174,8,14,(sighs)
54531,174,8,14,"Oh, honey-sweetie-baby. It's the ring, Robin."
54532,174,8,14,The ring has power.
54533,174,8,14,"When a woman puts on an engagement ring, it's like when Bilbo Baggins wears the One Ring in The Hobbit."
54534,174,8,14,"Okay, can you say that again but not in nerd?"
54535,174,8,14,"Sure. Uh, the ring is like the cloak that Harry Potter wears to sneak around Hogwarts."
54536,174,8,14,"Yeah, I don't speak virgin either."
54537,174,8,14,The ring-- it makes you invisible.
54538,174,8,14,(ominous music plays)
54539,174,8,14,RING (whispers): You're not precious.
54540,174,8,14,"(muffled shouting, gasps)"
54541,174,8,14,"Oh, good, you're awake."
54542,174,8,14,(gasping)
54543,174,8,14,"Look, Ted, there's something we have to talk about."
54544,174,8,14,Boundaries? Invasion of privacy?
54545,174,8,14,Losing your key privileges?
54546,174,8,14,"It's about the 20-year-old, Ted."
54547,174,8,14,You have to bang her.
54548,174,8,14,For me!
54549,174,8,14,Why do you want me to hook up with this 20-year-old?
54550,174,8,14,I thought I disgusted you.
54551,174,8,14,"Yeah, that was all an act."
54552,174,8,14,"Look, look, look, I love Robin and she's the only girl I want to be with."
54553,174,8,14,But my body is detoxing after years of one-night stands.
54554,174,8,14,"They don't make gum or a patch for this, Ted."
54555,174,8,14,"But, hey, billion-dollar idea alert."
54556,174,8,14,(muttering indistinctly)
54557,174,8,14,"Oh, yeah."
54558,174,8,14,That's okay. I'll just buy a new dream journal.
54559,174,8,14,What-what-what are you looking for?
54560,174,8,14,Your phone.
54561,174,8,14,There's got to be some pictures of her in here.
54562,174,8,14,Damn it. No.
54563,174,8,14,Those are all worthless.
54564,174,8,14,"I need some one-night-stand material, Ted."
54565,174,8,14,"Oh. Oh. Here's your mom. Hello, Virginia."
54566,174,8,14,"Um, my mother is not one-night-stand material."
54567,174,8,14,"Yeah, you're right. It wasn't night and we weren't standing."
54568,174,8,14,Hey-oh!
54569,174,8,14,That didn't happen.
54570,174,8,14,You're right. It didn't.
54571,174,8,14,(clicks tongue)
54572,174,8,14,You just winked.
54573,174,8,14,"No, I didn't."
54574,174,8,14,(clicks tongue)
54575,174,8,14,You just did it again!
54576,174,8,14,"Look, bottom line: I need you to proxy bang this girl for me."
54577,174,8,14,Be my stand-in and put your gland in.
54578,174,8,14,"Hey, wow, that'd be good on a hat."
54579,174,8,14,(sighs)
54580,174,8,14,"Barney, she's just using me for my gracefully aging body."
54581,174,8,14,You're picking now to get some self-respect?
54582,174,8,14,You once banged a blind girl by pretending to be Sean Connery.
54583,174,8,14,That was you.
54584,174,8,14,"(imitates Sean Connery): Yeah, that conquest was most enjoyable."
54585,174,8,14,"I'm sorry. T-To hook up with a girl, I have to connect with her at least a little."
54586,174,8,14,Then find a connection.
54587,174,8,14,Just go simple.
54588,174,8,14,"Nothing about weird poets or buildings or any of those stupid articles you've ever e-mailed me with the subject line ""Food for thought."""
54589,174,8,14,"Please, Ted."
54590,174,8,14,I need this.
54591,174,8,14,Fine. You win.
54592,174,8,14,I'll bang a hot 20-year-old.
54593,174,8,14,(sighs)
54594,174,8,14,But I'm not gonna enjoy...
54595,174,8,14,"Oh, who am I kidding?"
54596,174,8,14,It's gonna be awesome.
54597,174,8,14,"Now, turn off the lights and go."
54598,174,8,14,Not all the way!
54599,174,8,14,"Hello. Yeah, three..."
54600,174,8,14,"Okay, normally New York is the friendliest, most affordable city in the world."
54601,174,8,14,Now it's as rude and expensive as San Francisco.
54602,174,8,14,Guys?
54603,174,8,14,"Oh, hey, that's life once you're engaged."
54604,174,8,14,"Oh, tell her, baby. Make it hurt."
54605,174,8,14,I'll be at the booth.
54606,174,8,14,My panties may or may not be on when you get there.
54607,174,8,14,(whispers): They won't be!
54608,174,8,14,"Okay, what is going on with you guys?"
54609,174,8,14,It's the cuff.
54610,174,8,14,It turns out that picturing me as a loser musician with a Vicodin addiction and a beat-up van I use to steal copper wire really turns Lily's crank.
54611,174,8,14,Who knew?
54612,174,8,14,"Whoa, what-what happened to your wrist?"
54613,174,8,14,Oh. It's an allergic reaction.
54614,174,8,14,So take it off.
54615,174,8,14,"Robin, once you have a child, anything that gets you even remotely close to the possibility of s*x is worth a few pus-filled blisters."
54616,174,8,14,Better the sores weep than I.
54617,174,8,14,"Hey, hold on. That slut just got here."
54618,174,8,14,How'd she get beer already?
54619,174,8,14,Do you see a ring on that finger?
54620,174,8,14,"Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa."
54621,174,8,14,Are you saying that this invisibility thing means I might not be able to get beer?
54622,174,8,14,I was just getting used to the idea of having to pay for coffee and bagels and rent.
54623,174,8,14,Rent? But not being able to get a beer? Unacceptable.
54624,174,8,14,(sighs)
54625,174,8,14,Excuse me.
54626,174,8,14,Hot girl coming through.
54627,174,8,14,(sighs)
54628,174,8,14,"(bright, cheerful music plays)"
54629,174,8,14,Huh.
54630,174,8,14,(chuckles)
54631,174,8,14,"Three beers, please."
54632,174,8,14,♪ Take the...
54633,174,8,14,(music stops)
54634,174,8,14,"Robin: Damn it, ring!"
54635,174,8,14,"Oh, yeah, baby. Mm-hmm."
54636,174,8,14,Later you should totally go out and buy a switchblade.
54637,174,8,14,Mm. Sure.
54638,174,8,14,"While I'm out, maybe Daddy picks up some diapers and a little mild salsa because we're low."
54639,174,8,14,(both moaning)
54640,174,8,14,"Robin: Well, you're right--"
54641,174,8,14,I'm invisible.
54642,174,8,14,(Lily moaning)
54643,174,8,14,(Robin gulping)
54644,174,8,14,
54645,174,8,14,"Narrator: That night, the only person in worse shape than Robin was her fiancé."
54646,174,8,14,"(panting): Ted, I'm desperate."
54647,174,8,14,"Earlier today, I saw that wrist cuff and I got a partial for Marshall."
54648,174,8,14,Did you bang that girl yet?
54649,174,8,14,"Don't get your hopes, or anything else, up."
54650,174,8,14,"I tried to connect with her, but everything just comes back to her weird fetish about how old I am."
54651,174,8,14,"Well, j-just go simple--"
54652,174,8,14,does she like TV?
54653,174,8,14,No.
54654,174,8,14,But I'll watch 60 Minutes
54655,174,8,14,with you as loud and as long as you want.
54656,174,8,14,Sports?
54657,174,8,14,No.
54658,174,8,14,"But I bet you look super hot playing shuffleboard, just... slathered in Bengay."
54659,174,8,14,"Well, does she like books?"
54660,174,8,14,No.
54661,174,8,14,But I bet you do.
54662,174,8,14,(quietly): Mm-hmm.
54663,174,8,14,"I bet you have a big, thick pair of bifocals."
54664,174,8,14,"She doesn't have daddy issues, she has granddaddy issues."
54665,174,8,14,I'm ending it.
54666,174,8,14,"Ted, I beg of you, don't quit on a body that won't quit."
54667,174,8,14,"Ooh, ooh, that'll go sweet on a bumper sticker."
54668,174,8,14,That's going in the journal.
54669,174,8,14,"Ted: Wait, did you steal my dream journal?"
54670,174,8,14,"No! Now, get back in there before all your teeth fall out and you're naked in front of Shaker Heights High School in a play you never rehearsed for."
54671,174,8,14,b*st*rd!
54672,174,8,14,We don't connect on a single thing. It's over.
54673,174,8,14,(beep)
54674,174,8,14,It's not...
54675,174,8,14,"Look, Carly, I got to tell you something."
54676,174,8,14,"I just, I don't see a future here."
54677,174,8,14,"Oh, my God."
54678,174,8,14,Are you dying?
54679,174,8,14,"(sighs): Oh, that is so hot."
54680,174,8,14,(robotic beeping)
54681,174,8,14,Hey... is that R2-D2?
54682,174,8,14,Do you like Star Wars?
54683,174,8,14,I love Star Wars.
54684,174,8,14,"Me, too!"
54685,174,8,14,♪
54686,174,8,14,"I mean, I've only seen the new ones."
54687,174,8,14,Close enough.
54688,174,8,14,So?
54689,174,8,14,Yeah.
54690,174,8,14,I knew it! I could feel it.
54691,174,8,14,It's almost like we were hooking up with her together.
54692,174,8,14,"You felt that, right?"
54693,174,8,14,I couldn't have performed if I did.
54694,174,8,14,"Don't you see, Ted?"
54695,174,8,14,We had a bro-nnection.
54696,174,8,14,(clicking tongue)
54697,174,8,14,"All right, I got to know what she looks like--"
54698,174,8,14,show me a picture.
54699,174,8,14,"Well, normally, I'm above such things, but it's been a while, and, uh, Teddy's braggin'."
54700,174,8,14,(chuckles)
54701,174,8,14,"Okay, here she is."
54702,174,8,14,Okay. Scrolling up.
54703,174,8,14,"Oh, yeah, those are ""plow me"" heels. Nice. Uh-huh."
54704,174,8,14,The knee bruise is encouraging.
54705,174,8,14,Working our way up to those 20-year-old ta-tas.
54706,174,8,14,"Oh... gravity's cruel grasp hasn't found you yet, my sweet perky miracles."
54707,174,8,14,(chuckles)
54708,174,8,14,"Now, let's get a gander at Dirty Girl's face."
54709,174,8,14,Mm-hmm.
54710,174,8,14,(gasps)
54711,174,8,14,"Her face says, ""Ready to bone,"" am I right?"
54712,174,8,14,"I say again, am I right?"
54713,174,8,14,That's my half sister.
54714,174,8,14,Then you probably shouldn't scroll to the next picture.
54715,174,8,14,No!
54716,174,8,14,"That's my sister, Ted!"
54717,174,8,14,"Well, look, I didn't know!"
54718,174,8,14,"None of us even knew you had a sister until two years ago, including you!"
54719,174,8,14,This is just some crazy coincidence.
54720,174,8,14,"There are four million women in the city of New York, Ted, and you sleep with my sister?"
54721,174,8,14,Why would the universe do that to me?
54722,174,8,14,I don't know.
54723,174,8,14,It's not like you've ever treated women in such a way that would invite some sort of karmic retribution.
54724,174,8,14,You banged my sister!
54725,174,8,14,"My sweet, little, innocent..."
54726,174,8,14,Pierced. Really? Where?
54727,174,8,14,Don't answer that! Now I know why I felt everything you did to her last night.
54728,174,8,14,"It wasn't a bro-nnection, it was a sis-nnection!"
54729,174,8,14,"Oh, my God."
54730,174,8,14,Ted... did you...
54731,174,8,14,Big-time.
54732,174,8,14,Nice! High five!
54733,174,8,14,Wait! No! No!
54734,174,8,14,Retraction five!
54735,174,8,14,(speaks words in reverse)
54736,174,8,14,"Hey, hey, you're the one who begged for a proxy bang."
54737,174,8,14,"And while we're on the subject of family, I'm pretty sure you banged my mom-- mom beats sister."
54738,174,8,14,I never banged your mom.
54739,174,8,14,(clicks tongue)
54740,174,8,14,You just did the winking thing again!
54741,174,8,14,"No, I didn't."
54742,174,8,14,(clicks tongue)
54743,174,8,14,"Fine. Hey, Barney, let me ask you something."
54744,174,8,14,"Were you, uh, feeling a little sore this morning?"
54745,174,8,14,Especially...
54746,174,8,14,(gasps)
54747,174,8,14,Friendship over!
54748,174,8,14,"Oh, yeah."
54749,174,8,14,Who's your guitar-player-biker-
54750,174,8,14,who-couldn't-find-mild-salsa-
54751,174,8,14,but-said-screw-it-
54752,174,8,14,and-went-medium bad boy?
54753,174,8,14,(moans)
54754,174,8,14,"Marshall, your hand!"
54755,174,8,14,"Narrator: Okay, I'm pretty sure it wasn't that bad,"
54756,174,8,14,but this is how Uncle Marshall
54757,174,8,14,likes to tell the story.
54758,174,8,14,"Oh, yeah, no, that's the cuff."
54759,174,8,14,"I'm woozy, and I can't flex my fingers..."
54760,174,8,14,(sniffs)
54761,174,8,14,...and the rotten fish smell is getting stronger.
54762,174,8,14,But I'm learning to compensate with my left.
54763,174,8,14,Is that why last night when I asked you to honka honka me you only honka'd me?
54764,174,8,14,I didn't think you noticed.
54765,174,8,14,Snap's been jealous of Crackle all day.
54766,174,8,14,Just take the cuff off.
54767,174,8,14,"No, but, baby, then all the s*x will stop."
54768,174,8,14,"Marshall, you don't need a cuff for me to find you sexy."
54769,174,8,14,"All you have to do is smile, and I'm ready for you to hop on Pop."
54770,174,8,14,(chuckles softly)
54771,174,8,14,"Thanks, baby."
54772,174,8,14,Are you too woozy to do it one last time before we seek emergency medical attention?
54773,174,8,14,Only one way to find out.
54774,174,8,14,Mm.
54775,174,8,14,"I'm sorry, bro, I totally overreacted."
54776,174,8,14,You think? I can't believe you're allowed to ship a dead possum.
54777,174,8,14,He died?
54778,174,8,14,That possum was supposed to be an olive branch.
54779,174,8,14,Are you sure he's not just playing dead?
54780,174,8,14,He smells like Marshall's hand.
54781,174,8,14,"And wait, you-you forgive me?"
54782,174,8,14,"Absolutely. Hey, I got a couple ""cee-gars."""
54783,174,8,14,Get over here!
54784,174,8,14,"All right. So, where are those ""cee-gars""?"
54785,174,8,14,"Eh, we'll break 'em out in a minute."
54786,174,8,14,(knocks)
54787,174,8,14,"Hey, Barn."
54788,174,8,14,Ted?
54789,174,8,14,"Barney, what is your sister doing here?"
54790,174,8,14,"Nothing, bro. Or should I say, bro-in-law!"
54791,174,8,14,"(organ playing ""Wedding March"")"
54792,174,8,14,"(""Wedding March"" continues)"
54793,174,8,14,Congratulations!
54794,174,8,14,You're marrying my sister!
54795,174,8,14,"And you spared no expense, you big crazy!"
54796,174,8,14,"You know what? I love Barney, but this ring thing sucks."
54797,174,8,14,Some gross guy just brushed up against my rack and then apologized.
54798,174,8,14,"And I think he really, really meant it."
54799,174,8,14,"Oh, sweetie, I know it's nice to be groped by strangers, but nothing beats the rush you get when that one special person looks at you."
54800,174,8,14,It's true.
54801,174,8,14,"Like here in this bar, there's only one thing that I see, and I see her brighter and more clearly than anything else in this world."
54802,174,8,14,You know what that is?
54803,174,8,14,That's love.
54804,174,8,14,And possibly alcohol mixed with some very powerful antibiotics.
54805,174,8,14,And that's how Barney sees you.
54806,174,8,14,And I know that's how you see Barney.
54807,174,8,14,"(clears throat) I'd like to start the service with a passage from Ted's dream journal. ""Drowning. ""Gasping for air."
54808,174,8,14,"No escape."""
54809,174,8,14,"Wait, is that about Vietnam?"
54810,174,8,14,It's about Whole Foods.
54811,174,8,14,Barney.
54812,174,8,14,We are not getting married.
54813,174,8,14,And those aisles are too narrow!
54814,174,8,14,Barney: But you two have to get married--
54815,174,8,14,"otherwise, it's just a cheap, meaningless, disgusting one-night stand."
54816,174,8,14,"Wait, just to be clear, you're saying you're opposed"
54817,174,8,14,"to cheap, meaningless, disgusting one-night stands?"
54818,174,8,14,Yes.
54819,174,8,14,Barney... don't you see?
54820,174,8,14,Your detox is done!
54821,174,8,14,You're over one-night stands!
54822,174,8,14,"Oh, my God, you're right!"
54823,174,8,14,I'm free! Yeah.
54824,174,8,14,So if you think about it--
54825,174,8,14,but not too much--
54826,174,8,14,it's actually good that Carly and I hooked up.
54827,174,8,14,"Yeah, it's really good."
54828,174,8,14,"I mean, this guy goes at it like he's still in his 50s."
54829,174,8,14,"Hey, have a cigar, you big crazy!"
54830,174,8,14,(chuckles)
54831,174,8,14,"Hey, don't try to make this okay."
54832,174,8,14,You still slept with my sister.
54833,174,8,14,"Promise me you will never, ever do that again."
54834,174,8,14,I promise.
54835,174,8,14,(clicks tongue)
54836,174,8,14,You just winked.
54837,174,8,14,"No, I didn't."
54838,174,8,14,(clicks tongue)
54839,174,8,14,"You did it again! No, I didn't!"
54840,174,8,14,"You swear, right?"
54841,174,8,14,Yeah. Of course.
54842,174,8,14,(clicks tongue)
54843,174,8,14,Hey.
54844,174,8,14,"That night, even though she still couldn't get a beer, Robin realized the true power of the ring."
54845,174,8,14,♪
54846,174,8,14,"Hey, Robin."
54847,174,8,14,Did you ever figure out how you're gonna get a drink at the bar now that you're engaged?
54848,174,8,14,"Oh, sure. I know a way that's gonna last forever."
54849,174,8,14,Scotch on the rocks?
54850,174,8,14,Coming right up.
54851,174,8,14,"Now, before you say anything about the hat... this new girl's ass is phenomenal!"
54852,174,8,14,"Lily: Hey, Marshall, you got to see this."
54853,174,8,14,The catalog must have mixed up my order.
54854,174,8,14,You won't believe the jeans they just sent me.
54855,174,8,14,(mumbles)
54856,174,8,14,"Hilarious, right?"
54857,174,8,14,Totally.
54858,174,8,14,(laughs)
54859,174,8,14,You look like some suburban mom who drives a minivan filled with stale Cheerios and empty juice boxes...
54860,174,8,14,(laughs)
54861,175,8,15,"Narrator: Kids, sometimes when you're about to give up on your love life forever for the 17th time, destiny intervenes."
54862,175,8,15,"Instead of rushing in, I took my time to think up the perfect opening line."
54863,175,8,15,(train brakes screech)
54864,175,8,15,"Wait, no, damn it, come back! You're really..."
54865,175,8,15,You're pretty!
54866,175,8,15,"And before I could call out after her, in any kind of embarrassing way that a bunch of teenagers made fun of for the next five stops while I stared straight ahead and pretended not to hear them, she was gone."
54867,175,8,15,But here's the thing about Ted Mosby: he doesn't give up.
54868,175,8,15,(imitates blaring alarm)
54869,175,8,15,Stalker Ted alert.
54870,175,8,15,"Repeat, Stalker Ted alert."
54871,175,8,15,Already has a yellow legal pad going.
54872,175,8,15,"Repeat, already has a yellow legal pad going."
54873,175,8,15,I'm not stalking.
54874,175,8,15,I just jotted down a few details to help me find her.
54875,175,8,15,"Uh, like the fact that her smile was cute, but a bit crooked, which can be a sign of teeth grinding."
54876,175,8,15,"So I called up the city's top five TMJ specialists, and here's where it gets interesting."
54877,175,8,15,"Not interesting, Ted, creepy."
54878,175,8,15,Let her go.
54879,175,8,15,"No, this is destiny."
54880,175,8,15,"No, Ted, this is forcing it."
54881,175,8,15,"When Lily and I met, I mean, that was destiny."
54882,175,8,15,"Marshall: She could've knocked on any door to find someone to fix her stereo, but she knocked on mine."
54883,175,8,15,Now hand over the pad.
54884,175,8,15,Ted...
54885,175,8,15,And the backup pad.
54886,175,8,15,Narrator: They were right.
54887,175,8,15,You can't force destiny.
54888,175,8,15,"If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen."
54889,175,8,15,(fire alarm ringing)
54890,175,8,15,"And funny story, kids..."
54891,175,8,15,"Oh, my God."
54892,175,8,15,It's you.
54893,175,8,15,...it happened.
54894,175,8,15,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x15 ♪
54895,175,8,15,P.S. I Love You
54896,175,8,15,"Original Air Date on February 4, 2013"
54897,175,8,15,"Subway Girl's name is Jeanette, and she does grind her teeth."
54898,175,8,15,I assume that started the moment she met you?
54899,175,8,15,(laughing)
54900,175,8,15,"Uh, well, the fact is she wanted to find me."
54901,175,8,15,The first thing I did was list out all the details I remembered about you.
54902,175,8,15,Is... is that a yellow legal pad?
54903,175,8,15,Yeah.
54904,175,8,15,I've even got a backup.
54905,175,8,15,"Oh, my God."
54906,175,8,15,"You had a tweed blazer and chalk all over your hands, so I figured you were either a professor or a British gymnast."
54907,175,8,15,(bad British accent): I'm bloody good on the pommel 'orse.
54908,175,8,15,Regrettin' this accent.
54909,175,8,15,Can't seem to stop.
54910,175,8,15,"So then I asked the lady at the student center where I could find the youngest, cutest professor on staff."
54911,175,8,15,And...?
54912,175,8,15,She sent me to a physics class.
54913,175,8,15,Professor Leyborne?
54914,175,8,15,I wonder if she'd think Dr. Goodhair was so cute if she knew he hasn't been published in over a year?
54915,175,8,15,"Then she sent me here, but the security guard wouldn't let me in without an ID."
54916,175,8,15,I was about to give up when the fire alarm just sent you out.
54917,175,8,15,It was like...
54918,175,8,15,Destiny.
54919,175,8,15,Right? Right?
54920,175,8,15,It's a meet-cute.
54921,175,8,15,It's a stalk-crazy.
54922,175,8,15,Look... there's a fine line between love and insanity.
54923,175,8,15,It's... the Dobler-Dahmer theory.
54924,175,8,15,"Oh, no..."
54925,175,8,15,(moans)
54926,175,8,15,"Damn, I always forget the little one. TED: All right."
54927,175,8,15,"If both people are into each other, a big romantic gesture works."
54928,175,8,15,Like Lloyd Dobler holding up the boom box outside Diane Court's window in Say Anything.
54929,175,8,15,"But if one person isn't into the other, the same gesture comes off serial-killer crazy, or Dahmer."
54930,175,8,15,"Now, Marshall, the story of how you asked out Lily is super sweet."
54931,175,8,15,"♪ Lily, how you thrill me"
54932,175,8,15,♪ But it may just even kill me
54933,175,8,15,"♪ If you do not say ""I will-y"""
54934,175,8,15,♪ To this question
54935,175,8,15,♪ Will you go out with me?
54936,175,8,15,I will-y.
54937,175,8,15,Dobler.
54938,175,8,15,But if Lily wasn't into you?
54939,175,8,15,"♪ Lily, how you thrill me"
54940,175,8,15,"♪ But it might just even kill me ♪♪ If you do not say ""I will-y"""
54941,175,8,15,♪ To this question
54942,175,8,15,♪ Will you go out with me?
54943,175,8,15,(spraying)
54944,175,8,15,(screaming)
54945,175,8,15,Dahmer.
54946,175,8,15,Whether a gesture's charming or alarming depends on how it's received.
54947,175,8,15,"And I was charmed by Jeanette finding me, hence... she's a Dobler."
54948,175,8,15,Don't you think it's a little convenient how that fire alarm happened to randomly go off?
54949,175,8,15,What are you saying?
54950,175,8,15,"Ted, does she have enormous cans?"
54951,175,8,15,No. Then what we're saying is she's a crazy stalker bitch who pulled that fire alarm and you should run screaming.
54952,175,8,15,Robin: You know what?
54953,175,8,15,"I-I don't think that we should be so cavalier with the word ""stalker."""
54954,175,8,15,Why does that word bother you so much?
54955,175,8,15,Doesn't bother me.
54956,175,8,15,Wait... do you have a stalker?
54957,175,8,15,I don't want to talk about this.
54958,175,8,15,Barney: What do you mean?
54959,175,8,15,"As your fiancé, if you have some psycho stalker out there, I should know."
54960,175,8,15,It was me.
54961,175,8,15,I was a stalker.
54962,175,8,15,It was back in Canada.
54963,175,8,15,"I liked a guy and he didn't like me, and... well, I got a little obsessed."
54964,175,8,15,"I'd fill up my journals all about him, and eventually there may have been a teensy-weensy"
54965,175,8,15,50-meter restraining order.
54966,175,8,15,50 meters?
54967,175,8,15,(sighs)
54968,175,8,15,That's like... four years.
54969,175,8,15,Wow.
54970,175,8,15,You must have been a total nutbag.
54971,175,8,15,I wasn't.
54972,175,8,15,"Ted is right, there is a fine line."
54973,175,8,15,Anyone can cross it and get obsessed.
54974,175,8,15,"Yeah, if you're a total nutbag."
54975,175,8,15,(sighs)
54976,175,8,15,"Now, uh... who's the guy?"
54977,175,8,15,I'm not telling you until you admit that this can happen to anybody.
54978,175,8,15,I'm not admitting that.
54979,175,8,15,Fine. Forget it. I'm not telling you.
54980,175,8,15,Fine. Forgotten.
54981,175,8,15,"Robin: ""You are so beautiful. ""Why can't you see me? ""Someday, I'll make you see me ""and we'll be together. ""P.S. I love you. ""P.S. I love you. P.S. I love you. ""P.S. I love you. ""P.S. I love you. P.S. I love you."
54982,175,8,15,"(echoes): P.S. I love you, you, you."""
54983,175,8,15,"Barney: This is ""ridikilus."""
54984,175,8,15,Who cares who she was obsessed with?
54985,175,8,15,"What, am I gonna go to Canada and track this guy down?"
54986,175,8,15,"Narrator: Thankfully, unlike Uncle Barney, I wasn't the kind of guy to fixate on one little detail."
54987,175,8,15,That fire alarm--
54988,175,8,15,did you pull it?
54989,175,8,15,Ugh...
54990,175,8,15,This is embarrassing.
54991,175,8,15,"I wasn't gonna tell you this, but..."
54992,175,8,15,"I'd come so far, only to be sent packing by that security guard, and... well..."
54993,175,8,15,(fire alarm ringing)
54994,175,8,15,I'm sorry.
54995,175,8,15,I just couldn't stand the idea of not meeting you.
54996,175,8,15,Ted: Could not
54997,175,8,15,stand the idea of not meeting me.
54998,175,8,15,Was it a little over the top to pull that fire alarm? Perhaps.
54999,175,8,15,But it charmed me.
55000,175,8,15,Hence... Dobler.
55001,175,8,15,Aha! You see?
55002,175,8,15,People don't put fire alarms out in front lobbies for just anyone to prank pull.
55003,175,8,15,They put smoke detectors up on the ceiling.
55004,175,8,15,Hold on.
55005,175,8,15,I'm beginning to think that you guys didn't come here to see my new lectern.
55006,175,8,15,Are you implying Jeanette started a fire?
55007,175,8,15,Dahmer.
55008,175,8,15,Dobler.
55009,175,8,15,"She's John Cusack, I'm Ione Skye, and there is nothing weird about that."
55010,175,8,15,Gordie Bellavoh.
55011,175,8,15,"Thanks again for the free donuts, eh?"
55012,175,8,15,"So, you up here visiting family?"
55013,175,8,15,No. I'm not Canadian.
55014,175,8,15,Not even a quarter Canadian on my father's side.
55015,175,8,15,Shut up.
55016,175,8,15,"We're not talking ""aboot"" me--"
55017,175,8,15,about me. Whoa.
55018,175,8,15,How long did you and Robin date?
55019,175,8,15,"Well, it wasn't really dating."
55020,175,8,15,We'd take a sixer of Labatts behind the hydro plant and she'd let me go under her parka over turtleneck.
55021,175,8,15,(laughs)
55022,175,8,15,Summer love.
55023,175,8,15,Was Robin obsessed with you?
55024,175,8,15,No.
55025,175,8,15,(laughing): No.
55026,175,8,15,Robin was way more into this guy named...
55027,175,8,15,Turk Grimsby.
55028,175,8,15,I hear Robin was obsessed with you?
55029,175,8,15,"No. We only went out a few times, barely knew each other."
55030,175,8,15,"All we talked about was her relationship with her mother, the gnawing feelings of inadequacy, all the horrible secrets on that side of the family."
55031,175,8,15,"But heck, you're her fiancé."
55032,175,8,15,"You know all that, right?"
55033,175,8,15,Yeah.
55034,175,8,15,Robin was way more into this other guy.
55035,175,8,15,Can't seem to remember his name.
55036,175,8,15,Though sometimes a powdered jelly can help get the old noodle going.
55037,175,8,15,Ah...
55038,175,8,15,His name's...
55039,175,8,15,Simon Tremblay.
55040,175,8,15,I should have known.
55041,175,8,15,Eh.
55042,175,8,15,Thanks for the free donuts.
55043,175,8,15,They're just donuts!
55044,175,8,15,Okay? They're like two for a loonie-- dollar.
55045,175,8,15,What's happening?
55046,175,8,15,"Oh, somebody moosed down all the jellies."
55047,175,8,15,Have you been hanging out with Turk Grimsby?
55048,175,8,15,So how serious were you and Robin?
55049,175,8,15,"Well, serious enough to pop the question."
55050,175,8,15,Wow. Really?
55051,175,8,15,"Yeah, sure."
55052,175,8,15,"Got down on one goalie pad, I said, ""Robin, could we keep dating but I get to stick it to other babes?"""
55053,175,8,15,Turned me down.
55054,175,8,15,I'm so sorry.
55055,175,8,15,"Oh, that's okay."
55056,175,8,15,I really wanted to stick it to Louise Marsh.
55057,175,8,15,(laughs)
55058,175,8,15,"Still, as the years pass, and you take stock of your life, part of me wishes I could've kept sticking it to Robin, too."
55059,175,8,15,So are you the one that Robin stalked?
55060,175,8,15,"Oh, that story goes back to the 1996 Grey Cup."
55061,175,8,15,What in God's name is that?
55062,175,8,15,Only Canada's Super Bowl.
55063,175,8,15,Didn't you ever see
55064,175,8,15,Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes
55065,175,8,15,on MuchMusic?
55066,175,8,15,"Again, I have to go with: what in God's name is that?"
55067,175,8,15,It's only Canada's VH1 Behind the Music.
55068,175,8,15,There's one all about Robin Sparkles.
55069,175,8,15,"Tells you the whole story from ""A"" to zed."
55070,175,8,15,Are you gonna take your...?
55071,175,8,15,
55072,175,8,15,"Narrator: Kids, relationships are built on trust."
55073,175,8,15,"So unlike Uncle Barney, I wasn't gonna keep digging and digging..."
55074,175,8,15,Did you start a fire?
55075,175,8,15,Ugh...
55076,175,8,15,This is embarrassing.
55077,175,8,15,"I wasn't gonna tell you this, but..."
55078,175,8,15,"I'd come so far, only to be sent packing by that security guard, and... well..."
55079,175,8,15,I'm sorry.
55080,175,8,15,I just couldn't stand the idea of not meeting you.
55081,175,8,15,Ted: Could not
55082,175,8,15,stand the idea of not meeting me.
55083,175,8,15,"She set a fire, Ted!"
55084,175,8,15,Dahmer.
55085,175,8,15,You're just jealous 'cause Lily never burned anything for you.
55086,175,8,15,Clearly you never tried her pot roast.
55087,175,8,15,(rimshot)
55088,175,8,15,"I actually brought this for something totally different, but it worked out, right?"
55089,175,8,15,"Okay, anyway, here's my thing."
55090,175,8,15,(drumroll)
55091,175,8,15,"Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my back pocket the answer to the question ""Who was Robin obsessed with?"""
55092,175,8,15,Hang on tight.
55093,175,8,15,"It's Robin Sparkles 4, y'all!"
55094,175,8,15,(all cheering)
55095,175,8,15,(shushes)
55096,175,8,15,(rock music plays)
55097,175,8,15,"Announcer: With her jelly bracelets, graffiti coat, and totally rad robot, no one symbolized the 1990s in Canada like Robin Sparkles."
55098,175,8,15,"But as we'd all learn one heartbreaking Grey Cup Sunday, Canada's sweetheart had a dark side."
55099,175,8,15,I'll never forget that moment.
55100,175,8,15,A little piece of Canada died that day.
55101,175,8,15,To see her throw her life away like that...
55102,175,8,15,...it was heartbreaking.
55103,175,8,15,I am so happy right now.
55104,175,8,15,I want to see her throw her life away so badly.
55105,175,8,15,Lily: Yeah.
55106,175,8,15,We're all terrible people--
55107,175,8,15,turn it up.
55108,175,8,15,Announcer: Sparkles' hit records...
55109,175,8,15,"...both went maple with ""Mall"""
55110,175,8,15,eventually going double maple.
55111,175,8,15,"I never admitted this till now, but before a big game,"
55112,175,8,15,I'd listen to
55113,175,8,15,"""Sand Castles in the Sand"""
55114,175,8,15,and get a good cry on.
55115,175,8,15,I'm not ashamed.
55116,175,8,15,"Announcer: But after endless touring, Robin started to crack."
55117,175,8,15,Who doesn't love the mall?
55118,175,8,15,Shopping with your friends and...
55119,175,8,15,(sighs) I can't do this.
55120,175,8,15,"Get this out of my face, please."
55121,175,8,15,"Thank you, pardon me, thanks, sorry."
55122,175,8,15,"Even when Canadians are mean, they're polite."
55123,175,8,15,"Her record producer Chuck ""Chuck"" Gerusi."
55124,175,8,15,Robin Sparkles was big.
55125,175,8,15,"Gino Vannelli big, who I discovered by the way."
55126,175,8,15,"Announcer: Robin's next song,"
55127,175,8,15,"""P.S. I Love You,"" was so dark"
55128,175,8,15,Dominant Records refused to release it.
55129,175,8,15,"Few have ever seen the long-lost music video, but we found it."
55130,175,8,15,(shushes)
55131,175,8,15,"♪ You, you're beautiful"
55132,175,8,15,♪ On your pedestal
55133,175,8,15,♪ I see you
55134,175,8,15,♪ You don't see me
55135,175,8,15,♪ Am I just too young
55136,175,8,15,♪ Or just too dumb
55137,175,8,15,♪ Or maybe just too grungy
55138,175,8,15,♪ And I'm wearing my flannel and I'm thinking of you ♪
55139,175,8,15,♪ I lace up my boots
55140,175,8,15,♪ And I'm thinking of you...
55141,175,8,15,Ted: This is the most
55142,175,8,15,1990s music video of all time.
55143,175,8,15,All it needs is a shirtless old man in black and white for no reason.
55144,175,8,15,(all yelling)
55145,175,8,15,(shushes)
55146,175,8,15,"♪ I'll never move on, it'll always be you ♪♪ Every guy that I'm with, I'll be thinking of you ♪"
55147,175,8,15,"♪ If I get married, he'll always be second to you ♪"
55148,175,8,15,That's got to feel good.
55149,175,8,15,♪ I'll always be waiting for you ♪♪ P.S. I love you.
55150,175,8,15,"In 1996, we booked the halftime show for the Grey Cup."
55151,175,8,15,Huge gig.
55152,175,8,15,"We're talking Ivor Wynne Stadium in Hamilton,"
55153,175,8,15,just outside of Guelph.
55154,175,8,15,It doesn't get any bigger than that.
55155,175,8,15,(crowd cheering)
55156,175,8,15,"Hello, Canada. (giggles)"
55157,175,8,15,I'm Robin Sparkles.
55158,175,8,15,Oh. (blows kiss)
55159,175,8,15,(loud cheering)
55160,175,8,15,Actually...
55161,175,8,15,I was Robin Sparkles.
55162,175,8,15,The whole stadium went silent.
55163,175,8,15,"Right then, I knew something terrible was gonna happen."
55164,175,8,15,My stomach started churning.
55165,175,8,15,But Robin Sparkles is dead.
55166,175,8,15,All I could hear was Paul Shaffer's stomach growling.
55167,175,8,15,Stress goes to my stomach--
55168,175,8,15,sue me.
55169,175,8,15,It was kind of disgusting.
55170,175,8,15,"I'm sorry, Jason Priestley, I didn't realize you were the Queen of England."
55171,175,8,15,My new name is...
55172,175,8,15,Robin Daggers!
55173,175,8,15,"Two, three, four!"
55174,175,8,15,"♪ You, you're beautiful ALEX TREBEK: That day is now"
55175,175,8,15,known in music history as the day grunge was born.
55176,175,8,15,"In 1996, in Canada?"
55177,175,8,15,"That seems right, Trebek."
55178,175,8,15,"Give him a break, he's not a music guy."
55179,175,8,15,That day is now known in music history as the day that grunge was born.
55180,175,8,15,"Well, that's a bummer."
55181,175,8,15,It was tragic.
55182,175,8,15,"I mean, to this day, you ask any Canadian where they were when Robin Sparkles lost it, not only can they tell you which Tim Hortons they were in, but what donut they were eating."
55183,175,8,15,"Me? Wawa, Ontario."
55184,175,8,15,Blueberry fritter.
55185,175,8,15,"Halifax, Nova Scotia."
55186,175,8,15,Walnut crunch.
55187,175,8,15,"Victoriaville, Quebec."
55188,175,8,15,Sour cream plain.
55189,175,8,15,"Sudbury, Ontario."
55190,175,8,15,Honey dip.
55191,175,8,15,"Red Deer, Alberta."
55192,175,8,15,Chocolate glaze.
55193,175,8,15,"Squamish, British Columbia."
55194,175,8,15,Crammed a Timbit into a strawberry vanilla and invented The Priestley.
55195,175,8,15,Should've been the best day of my life.
55196,175,8,15,PAUL SHAFFER: It was horrifying on so many levels.
55197,175,8,15,"(stomach growling, sighs)"
55198,175,8,15,"Actually, you know what?"
55199,175,8,15,"I'm sorry, I can't..."
55200,175,8,15,I just can't talk about this.
55201,175,8,15,"I'm out of here, okay? I'm out of here."
55202,175,8,15,"Here, excuse me."
55203,175,8,15,"I'm sorry, will you take..."
55204,175,8,15,"No, no, don't move, I'm out..."
55205,175,8,15,"Sorry, sorry."
55206,175,8,15,Announcer: Speculation began immediately.
55207,175,8,15,"Who was Robin Sparkles singing about with those angry, obsessive lyrics?"
55208,175,8,15,Many names were suggested.
55209,175,8,15,It wasn't me.
55210,175,8,15,It wasn't me.
55211,175,8,15,Wasn't me.
55212,175,8,15,It wasn't me.
55213,175,8,15,It wasn't me.
55214,175,8,15,It wasn't me.
55215,175,8,15,Why does everyone always think it's me?
55216,175,8,15,I wish it was me.
55217,175,8,15,Announcer: But one name comes up more than any other.
55218,175,8,15,Alan Thicke.
55219,175,8,15,How can I help you?
55220,175,8,15,Donut?
55221,175,8,15,Whoa!
55222,175,8,15,(yells)
55223,175,8,15,Whoa. What happened to you?
55224,175,8,15,We watched Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes today.
55225,175,8,15,"Wait, what?"
55226,175,8,15,You guys get MuchMusic down here?
55227,175,8,15,And that video lead me to...
55228,175,8,15,"I am engaged to Robin Scherbatsky, and I know that she wrote ""P.S. I Love You"" for you."
55229,175,8,15,"Now-now, why is she so obsessed with you?"
55230,175,8,15,What? That song's not about me.
55231,175,8,15,"Then who is it ""aboot""-- about."
55232,175,8,15,Damn it.
55233,175,8,15,I don't know.
55234,175,8,15,I always thought it was Coulier.
55235,175,8,15,It wasn't me.
55236,175,8,15,(laughs): Stop asking.
55237,175,8,15,"Geez, cut it out."
55238,175,8,15,NARRATOR (laughs): I always liked that joke.
55239,175,8,15,Alan Thicke kicked your ass.
55240,175,8,15,"He lied, didn't he?"
55241,175,8,15,It was Alan Thicke!
55242,175,8,15,Wow.
55243,175,8,15,"It sounds like you've become a bit obsessed, huh, Barney?"
55244,175,8,15,I am not obsessed.
55245,175,8,15,"All I did was break into your apartment and read your teenage journals, and fly to Vancouver to interrogate your ex-boyfriends, and fight beloved Canadian actor Alan Thicke to a draw."
55246,175,8,15,"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!"
55247,175,8,15,"So, ready to admit it?"
55248,175,8,15,(sighs)
55249,175,8,15,Anyone can get obsessed.
55250,175,8,15,Thank you.
55251,175,8,15,"And now, I am ready to tell you who ""P.S. I Love You"" is about."
55252,175,8,15,All: Who?
55253,175,8,15,(sighs)
55254,175,8,15,"""P.S."""
55255,175,8,15,Paul Shaffer.
55256,175,8,15,All: Paul Shaffer?
55257,175,8,15,"I know, so stereotypical."
55258,175,8,15,Every young Canadian girl fantasizes about being with Paul Shaffer.
55259,175,8,15,"At the Grey Cup gig, Paul was sitting in the front row."
55260,175,8,15,♪ I'll always be waiting for you ♪
55261,175,8,15,No wonder his stomach was growling.
55262,175,8,15,I feel bad that I scared Paul.
55263,175,8,15,(sighs)
55264,175,8,15,He's amazing.
55265,175,8,15,But I have no regrets.
55266,175,8,15,I was done being Robin Sparkles.
55267,175,8,15,"You're not gonna go get beat up by Paul Shaffer now, are you?"
55268,175,8,15,I can't believe it.
55269,175,8,15,I'm a total Dahmer.
55270,175,8,15,"Yeah, but you're my Dahmer, which makes you a Dobler."
55271,175,8,15,Ted: Just like Jeanette.
55272,175,8,15,"No, Ted, what that woman did to run in to you was bonkers."
55273,175,8,15,That's just not how you start a healthy relationship.
55274,175,8,15,"Tell him, Lil."
55275,175,8,15,I can't stand it anymore.
55276,175,8,15,I've been living a lie.
55277,175,8,15,See?
55278,175,8,15,"Lily: I saw you at orientation and I needed an excuse to meet you, so..."
55279,175,8,15,(electrical crackling)
55280,175,8,15,Ah!
55281,175,8,15,"I didn't know which room you were in, so I had to create a little destiny."
55282,175,8,15,(quiet laugh)
55283,175,8,15,Okay.
55284,175,8,15,"I'm sorry, I just couldn't stand the idea of not meeting you."
55285,175,8,15,Could... not stand the idea of not meeting me.
55286,175,8,15,"I'm sorry, Ted."
55287,175,8,15,You were right.
55288,175,8,15,Jeanette's a Dobler.
55289,175,8,15,So are you.
55290,175,8,15,"Thanks, buddy."
55291,175,8,15,"You know, if you hadn't been reading the exact same book as me, we never would've met."
55292,175,8,15,"I mean, that's destiny."
55293,175,8,15,"Oh, look."
55294,175,8,15,You bought it in the same bookstore I did.
55295,175,8,15,On the same day.
55296,175,8,15,Within ten minutes of me buying mine.
55297,175,8,15,Ugh...
55298,175,8,15,"Uh, this is embarrassing."
55299,175,8,15,"I wasn't gonna tell you this, but I followed you to that bookstore."
55300,175,8,15,I just couldn't stand the idea of not meeting you.
55301,175,8,15,You followed me to the bookstore from where?
55302,175,8,15,How long have you been following me?
55303,175,8,15,"Uh, this is embarrassing."
55304,175,8,15,"Uh, remember when you were on the cover of New York Magazine?"
55305,175,8,15,That was like a year and a half ago.
55306,175,8,15,Yeah.
55307,175,8,15,"Narrator: Before a man meets the woman he'll marry, he'll make one final, horrible mistake."
55308,175,8,15,"For me, that was Jeanette."
55309,175,8,15,♪ P.S. I Love You.
55310,175,8,15,♪ The law can't stop my love ♪
55311,175,8,15,♪ I'll fit you like a glove ♪♪ Restraining orders don't scare me ♪
55312,175,8,15,♪ The lawyers at the record company ♪♪ Made me promise to say ROBIN (reading): ♪ I'm totally a slacker and I don't even care ♪
55313,175,8,15,"♪ With my curling 'zines and my faraway stare ♪♪ But deep down inside, yeah deep down inside I'm dying ♪"
55314,175,8,15,"♪ I'm trapped in a cage of the tears I cry ♪♪ I praying to God, but she doesn't reply ♪"
55315,175,8,15,♪ Even the robot says Move on.
55316,176,8,16,"Narrator: Kids, early in this story, you may recall me saying something along the lines of..."
55317,176,8,16,"Okay, no more dating."
55318,176,8,16,I am ready to settle down.
55319,176,8,16,"And at the time, I probably thought I meant it."
55320,176,8,16,"But, kids, I'll be honest."
55321,176,8,16,Being single's fun.
55322,176,8,16,"As a young unattached man in New York City, I had a great time."
55323,176,8,16,A great time.
55324,176,8,16,"What was I saying? Oh, yeah."
55325,176,8,16,I had such a great time that it took someone very special
55326,176,8,16,to make me want to settle down.
55327,176,8,16,And that someone... was Jeanette.
55328,176,8,16,What made Jeanette so special?
55329,176,8,16,Well...
55330,176,8,16,That was a foul!
55331,176,8,16,(glass shatters)
55332,176,8,16,Jeanette was the last girl I dated before I met your mother.
55333,176,8,16,The girl who finally got me to say...
55334,176,8,16,No more dating.
55335,176,8,16,I'm ready to settle down.
55336,176,8,16,Narrator: ...and really mean it.
55337,176,8,16,Oh!
55338,176,8,16,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x16 ♪
55339,176,8,16,Bad Crazy
55340,176,8,16,"Original Air Date on February 11, 2013"
55341,176,8,16,Narrator: But let's back up a little bit.
55342,176,8,16,She broke your TV with a beer bottle?
55343,176,8,16,"In her defense, she was aiming for the window."
55344,176,8,16,"Dude, you gotta get rid of this girl."
55345,176,8,16,Agreed. Cray-cray gotta go bye-bye before you get stab-stabbed.
55346,176,8,16,"Oh, really?"
55347,176,8,16,"And are you guys saying this because you don't want me to be with Jeanette, or because you want me to stay single so you guys can keep your clubhouse?"
55348,176,8,16,J'accuse!
55349,176,8,16,"Narrator: I had a point, and they knew it."
55350,176,8,16,"You see, in early 2013, I was the only single guy in the group."
55351,176,8,16,Which meant whenever Marshall or Barney bought something they weren't allowed to keep in their apartments...
55352,176,8,16,♪
55353,176,8,16,"You know what, Ted? That reminds me."
55354,176,8,16,"I just bought this antique Swiss clock, but Robin won't let us put it in the apartment, so I was gonna leave it at your place."
55355,176,8,16,Only problem? It's broken.
55356,176,8,16,So I was just gonna sit here and try to fix it while maybe you tell us what you and Jeanette did last night?
55357,176,8,16,"Okay. Well, uh, Jeanette is a big Marilyn Monroe fan."
55358,176,8,16,(clock cuckoos)
55359,176,8,16,There you go! Now it's working!
55360,176,8,16,Sorry. Sorry. Go on. Go on. She's a Marilyn Monroe fan so I guess you watched one of her movies?
55361,176,8,16,"Uh, No, we had a séance."
55362,176,8,16,(clock cuckoos)
55363,176,8,16,Look at that! Good as new.
55364,176,8,16,"Anyway, were you able to contact Marilyn in the spirit world?"
55365,176,8,16,No. We talked to her cat.
55366,176,8,16,(clock cuckooing)
55367,176,8,16,Screw loose! That's the problem.
55368,176,8,16,(Marvin crying)
55369,176,8,16,Uh-oh.
55370,176,8,16,Looks like somebody's hungry.
55371,176,8,16,I'm gonna get his food ready.
55372,176,8,16,"Robin, can you grab him?"
55373,176,8,16,Can I? Try and stop me!
55374,176,8,16,"Narrator: Now, kids, what Lily didn't realize--"
55375,176,8,16,"what none of us realized, in fact-- was that"
55376,176,8,16,in the eight months since your
55377,176,8,16,"cousin Marvin was born,"
55378,176,8,16,Robin had never once held him.
55379,176,8,16,"The truth was, the thought of holding him terrified her, so she had always avoided it, ever so discreetly."
55380,176,8,16,"Can you hold... Oh, shoot! Look at that!"
55381,176,8,16,"Oh, geez."
55382,176,8,16,I got him.
55383,176,8,16,"Come here, you little munchkin."
55384,176,8,16,"Aw, man..."
55385,176,8,16,"Oh, well, I call next."
55386,176,8,16,"Well, I should go. It's time for Jeanette's... something."
55387,176,8,16,"Time for Jeanette's what, Ted?"
55388,176,8,16,"Uh, we're taking her dog to an exorcist."
55389,176,8,16,"Wow, Ted, that sounds..."
55390,176,8,16,"Crap, it's really broken now."
55391,176,8,16,"Okay, fine. I admit it. She's crazy."
55392,176,8,16,Obviously.
55393,176,8,16,But I'm not in this for the long haul.
55394,176,8,16,"It's just, you know, it's just fun."
55395,176,8,16,"Of course it's fun, at first."
55396,176,8,16,"But then when she starts calling out the name of her high school science teacher in the throes of passion, it's really fun."
55397,176,8,16,But then when she starts bringing knives into bed and making you fear for your safety?
55398,176,8,16,"It's really, really fun."
55399,176,8,16,But then when she starts unbuttoning your pants while you're being forced to drive blindfolded down the freeway with a gun pointed at your...
55400,176,8,16,"I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"
55401,176,8,16,Jeanette.
55402,176,8,16,"Oh, right. That girl's crazy."
55403,176,8,16,You gotta break up with her. I know.
55404,176,8,16,I know. You're right. I-I have to break up with her.
55405,176,8,16,"I should do it in a public place, though, so she doesn't flip out."
55406,176,8,16,"Narrator: So the next night, I met her in a public place so she wouldn't flip out."
55407,176,8,16,"I will kill you, ref!"
55408,176,8,16,I will kill you in front of all these people!
55409,176,8,16,"Oh, boy. What, you think I won't just 'cause I'm in a public place?!"
55410,176,8,16,I'll go to jail for the rest of my life if I have to!
55411,176,8,16,(clears throat)
55412,176,8,16,"Listen, before the game starts, I think we need to talk."
55413,176,8,16,I can't believe Ted's dead.
55414,176,8,16,I know.
55415,176,8,16,What a way to go.
55416,176,8,16,Killed by a bazooka.
55417,176,8,16,"All right, all right, so I'm not on my game today."
55418,176,8,16,Anyway...
55419,176,8,16,I gotta hop out for a bit.
55420,176,8,16,You guys stay here.
55421,176,8,16,"Oh, and, um, if Jeanette comes by, do not let her into the apartment."
55422,176,8,16,Don't let her in. Got it.
55423,176,8,16,"Guys, this is serious. This girl is like bedbugs."
55424,176,8,16,"Once she's in the apartment, there's no getting her out."
55425,176,8,16,"Ted, buddy, (clears throat)"
55426,176,8,16,how long have we been dealing with Barney's insane girlfriends? Years.
55427,176,8,16,Nigh on a decade!
55428,176,8,16,I had to testify in five competency hearings.
55429,176,8,16,I think we can handle Jeanette.
55430,176,8,16,"Okay, okay."
55431,176,8,16,See you soon.
55432,176,8,16,(Marshall scoffs)
55433,176,8,16,That kid. Am I right?
55434,176,8,16,(knocking)
55435,176,8,16,Now look who forgot his keys.
55436,176,8,16,(shrieks)
55437,176,8,16,What is it?
55438,176,8,16,(screams)
55439,176,8,16,"Narrator: Meanwhile, Lily and Robin were out getting lunch, when disaster struck."
55440,176,8,16,"Oh, God, I left his binky on that bus!"
55441,176,8,16,Wait. Don't you have other binkies?
55442,176,8,16,That one's his favorite! He'll know the difference!
55443,176,8,16,I'm not gonna let this be the reason he resents me later in life!
55444,176,8,16,"If he starts crying, just pick him up!"
55445,176,8,16,(Marvin crying)
55446,176,8,16,"What? Uh, uh..."
55447,176,8,16,"Okay, okay. Yeah,  there, there, there. Okay."
55448,176,8,16,"Hey, I'm back. Did I miss anything?"
55449,176,8,16,Nope.
55450,176,8,16,Did Jeanette come by?
55451,176,8,16,Jeanette? I know lots of Jeanettes.
55452,176,8,16,Um... (mutters)
55453,176,8,16,"Guys! Okay, she came by because she forgot her book."
55454,176,8,16,So we let her go up in your room and get it.
55455,176,8,16,And then?
55456,176,8,16,And then what?
55457,176,8,16,And then she left?
55458,176,8,16,I think she left.
55459,176,8,16,(glass shatters upstairs)
55460,176,8,16,Are you sure she left?
55461,176,8,16,I am... 90% sure... that she left.
55462,176,8,16,(loud thudding upstairs)
55463,176,8,16,80 percent.
55464,176,8,16,(glass shatters)
55465,176,8,16,"Actually, I'm gonna change my answer."
55466,176,8,16,"I am now starting to think she never left, and instead she barricaded herself in your room."
55467,176,8,16,And I'm never coming out!
55468,176,8,16,A hundred percent.
55469,176,8,16,I cannot believe you guys!
55470,176,8,16,"Well, maybe if you had given us a warning that she was crazy!"
55471,176,8,16,"Dude, it's okay."
55472,176,8,16,She can't stay in there forever.
55473,176,8,16,"She'll have to come out to eat and drink and go to the bathroom, right?"
55474,176,8,16,"Narrator: Now, a few months earlier, the East Coast had been hit by a bad storm, and some intelligent, forward-thinking New Yorkers took it as a wake-up call, making sure to stock their bedrooms with enough"
55475,176,8,16,"food and water to last months, not to mention a portable waste"
55476,176,8,16,management system.
55477,176,8,16,It was really the smart thing to do.
55478,176,8,16,You dumbass!
55479,176,8,16,"Really, Ted. How could you be so unbelievably stupid?"
55480,176,8,16,"No, no, you guys are the ones who invited a vampire into my apartment! This is your fault!"
55481,176,8,16,"And P.S., if this disaster had been a superstorm instead of a hot lunatic, you'd all be begging to eat my freeze-dried protein paste and crap in my biohazard bucket. Just sayin'."
55482,176,8,16,I got it.
55483,176,8,16,It was on the floor of the bus.
55484,176,8,16,I should probably throw it out. Eh.
55485,176,8,16,Did he give you any problems?
55486,176,8,16,"He cried a little, but then he stopped."
55487,176,8,16,"Oh, good. Anything else happen?"
55488,176,8,16,Nope.
55489,176,8,16,That... is... it.
55490,176,8,16,All gone!
55491,176,8,16,We have to do this more often.
55492,176,8,16,"Oh, we totally do."
55493,176,8,16,I can't believe Marvin's in kindergarten.
55494,176,8,16,He's growing up so fast.
55495,176,8,16,Can I confess something to you?
55496,176,8,16,Remember the day you left Marvin's binky on the bus and you left me alone with him? Yeah.
55497,176,8,16,"Well, I didn't tell you this at the time, but..."
55498,176,8,16,(Marvin crying)
55499,176,8,16,"Okay, okay. Yeah, there, there, there."
55500,176,8,16,"Okay, shh, shh."
55501,176,8,16,"Oh, no, it looks like somebody's not happy."
55502,176,8,16,No kidding. I'm miserable.
55503,176,8,16,Listen to this thing.
55504,176,8,16,He probably just wants to be held.
55505,176,8,16,I think you're right.
55506,176,8,16,Can you do it?
55507,176,8,16,All right.
55508,176,8,16,"Come here, handsome. Oh. Yeah."
55509,176,8,16,(crying stops)
55510,176,8,16,Yes.
55511,176,8,16,Oh.
55512,176,8,16,I let a stranger pick up Marvin. I'm sorry.
55513,176,8,16,"It's just, I hadn't actually picked him up at that point, and I was scared, so..."
55514,176,8,16,You know what? It was four years ago.
55515,176,8,16,He's obviously fine. Don't even worry about it.
55516,176,8,16,Really? Yeah.
55517,176,8,16,Thank you.
55518,176,8,16,"I mean, as long as there's not more to that story."
55519,176,8,16,Nope. That... is... it.
55520,176,8,16,"Jeanette, you have to leave!"
55521,176,8,16,JEANETTE: In a minute!
55522,176,8,16,I still haven't found that book!
55523,176,8,16,(loud crashing)
55524,176,8,16,"Listen, Jeanette, I didn't want to do this, but I called the police. They're on their way."
55525,176,8,16,"WOMAN (over radio): All units, all units."
55526,176,8,16,"Possible 10-90 in progress at 521 West 82nd, apartment 15."
55527,176,8,16,Where's that coming from?
55528,176,8,16,"Is that you, Dolores?"
55529,176,8,16,"Jeanette? Hey, girl. How you been?"
55530,176,8,16,"Oh, you know, I'm just doing me."
55531,176,8,16,"Anyway, I'll check out that 10-90."
55532,176,8,16,"Okay, but remember..."
55533,176,8,16,"I know, no excessive force."
55534,176,8,16,"Last thing I need is another suspension, am I right? (laughs)"
55535,176,8,16,
55536,176,8,16,"Narrator: And that, kids, was how I found out"
55537,176,8,16,what Jeanette did for a living.
55538,176,8,16,Wait a second.
55539,176,8,16,(Boston accent): Is she a cop?!
55540,176,8,16,(Boston accent): I think she's a cop!
55541,176,8,16,Did you know she was a cop?!
55542,176,8,16,I didn't know she was a cop!
55543,176,8,16,"Ted, I'm sorry I have to say this-- Jeanette lives here now."
55544,176,8,16,This is her place. You're gonna have to leave.
55545,176,8,16,What?
55546,176,8,16,Why don't you have to leave?
55547,176,8,16,JEANETTE: They can stay.
55548,176,8,16,"Thank you, Officer Jeanette. Thank you, Officer Jeanette."
55549,176,8,16,All gone. (giggles)
55550,176,8,16,We need to do this more often.
55551,176,8,16,We totally do. I can't believe Marvin's in middle school.
55552,176,8,16,"Oh, he's growing up so fast."
55553,176,8,16,Can I confess something to you?
55554,176,8,16,Remember that day you left Marvin's binky on the bus and I let that old lady pick him up?
55555,176,8,16,I seem to recall that was the entire story.
55556,176,8,16,There's a little bit more.
55557,176,8,16,"There, there, little one."
55558,176,8,16,"Let's put you back in your strolly-poo, so you can drift off to dreamy-dreamy land."
55559,176,8,16,"Oh, thank you so much."
55560,176,8,16,"Yeah, this is my first time alone with him, and, you know, um, I have this weird feeling that I'm gonna, I don't know, like, drop him or injure him in some way, which is completely insane."
55561,176,8,16,But... (laughs)
55562,176,8,16,"Oh, heavens."
55563,176,8,16,"Oh, my God!"
55564,176,8,16,"Oh, my God."
55565,176,8,16,"I know, I'm so sorry."
55566,176,8,16,"Well, you know what?"
55567,176,8,16,"That was what, 12 years ago?"
55568,176,8,16,Don't even worry about it.
55569,176,8,16,Really? Yeah.
55570,176,8,16,"Oh, thank you."
55571,176,8,16,Just promise me there's no more to that story.
55572,176,8,16,"Nope, that is it."
55573,176,8,16,Are you sure you want to do this?
55574,176,8,16,The girl's a cop.
55575,176,8,16,"Yeah, this seems like a really bad idea."
55576,176,8,16,I don't care.
55577,176,8,16,I am going into that bedroom because this is my home and I have to defend it.
55578,176,8,16,But mostly because my allergy medication is in there!
55579,176,8,16,"All right, just be careful, okay?"
55580,176,8,16,This girl is really crazy.
55581,176,8,16,"Yeah, why can't she just accept the fact that you guys broke up?"
55582,176,8,16,"I know, I know, why can't she just accept that?"
55583,176,8,16,"Why, it's, like, why?"
55584,176,8,16,(dramatic music plays)
55585,176,8,16,It might be because we didn't actually break up.
55586,176,8,16,"(record scratches, music stops)"
55587,176,8,16,"Aw, man."
55588,176,8,16,"Jeanette, come on, that's vintage vinyl."
55589,176,8,16,"Ted, did you or didn't you break up with Jeanette last night?"
55590,176,8,16,"I don't know, it's kind of confusing."
55591,176,8,16,I think we need to talk.
55592,176,8,16,"Oh, oh, okay."
55593,176,8,16,I see where this is going.
55594,176,8,16,You're in love with Lily.
55595,176,8,16,"That's it, isn't it?"
55596,176,8,16,"What? No, I..."
55597,176,8,16,Like I should be surprised with her fancy medical degree and her sexy Southern drawl.
55598,176,8,16,What? She's not...
55599,176,8,16,"Don't talk to me, don't look at me."
55600,176,8,16,I hate you and I never want to see you again!
55601,176,8,16,And then things got crazy and we got thrown out of the Barclays Center.
55602,176,8,16,"I don't know, it felt pretty breakup-y."
55603,176,8,16,"Mm. Anyway, we parted on pretty bad terms, so..."
55604,176,8,16,I kind of thought maybe I could...
55605,176,8,16,Never contact her again and hope she'd take the hint and just leave you alone?
55606,176,8,16,"Barney, give me some credit."
55607,176,8,16,Was that the plan? Yes.
55608,176,8,16,All gone. We need to do this more often.
55609,176,8,16,We totally do.
55610,176,8,16,I can't believe Marvin's in high school.
55611,176,8,16,He's growing up so fast.
55612,176,8,16,"Can I confess something to you? Oh, no. What?"
55613,176,8,16,What happened?
55614,176,8,16,Tell me what you did to my son.
55615,176,8,16,This is not going well at all.
55616,176,8,16,"Oh, honey, you are shaking."
55617,176,8,16,Let's get you out of the cold.
55618,176,8,16,What's open near here?
55619,176,8,16,♪
55620,176,8,16,You took my infant child to a strip club?
55621,176,8,16,It was just topless.
55622,176,8,16,He saw yours all the time anyway.
55623,176,8,16,"Okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, but that is all there is."
55624,176,8,16,"Okay, there is no more to the story."
55625,176,8,16,I have now told you everything.
55626,176,8,16,Robin: All gone.
55627,176,8,16,We need to do this more often. We totally do.
55628,176,8,16,I can't believe Marvin's driving.
55629,176,8,16,He's growing up so fast.
55630,176,8,16,"Okay, there's one other thing."
55631,176,8,16,What?
55632,176,8,16,"Well, I have to go use the ladies' room."
55633,176,8,16,Can you watch him for me?
55634,176,8,16,Of course.
55635,176,8,16,I could just eat you up.
55636,176,8,16,(laughs)
55637,176,8,16,You left him with a complete stranger?
55638,176,8,16,He could've been...
55639,176,8,16,"Robin, how could you? Lily, please, okay, it was 16 years ago."
55640,176,8,16,He's fine.
55641,176,8,16,You're right.
55642,176,8,16,It's fine.
55643,176,8,16,(sighs)
55644,176,8,16,"God, it feels so good to have gotten this off my chest."
55645,176,8,16,Finally it is all on the table.
55646,176,8,16,All secrets are exposed and there is nothing left to be revealed.
55647,176,8,16,All gone. We need to do this more...
55648,176,8,16,"There's more to the story. Damn it, Robin."
55649,176,8,16,What could you possibly have left out?
55650,176,8,16,"It's just there's, um, one little detail that I may have slightly altered."
55651,176,8,16,"If he starts crying, just pick him up."
55652,176,8,16,(Marvin crying)
55653,176,8,16,"Yeah, there, there."
55654,176,8,16,"Come on, buddy, shh."
55655,176,8,16,Looks like somebody's unhappy.
55656,176,8,16,"No kidding, I'm miserable."
55657,176,8,16,Listen to this thing.
55658,176,8,16,Maybe he needs to be held.
55659,176,8,16,I think you're right.
55660,176,8,16,Can you do it?
55661,176,8,16,Sure.
55662,176,8,16,"Come here, handsome."
55663,176,8,16,"Come here, come here, you handsome devil, you."
55664,176,8,16,(crying stops)
55665,176,8,16,You're such a beautiful...
55666,176,8,16,"Aw, you're such a cool dude."
55667,176,8,16,"Oh, look at you, oh."
55668,176,8,16,"All right, there, there, little one, there, there."
55669,176,8,16,Let me put you back in your strolly-poo so you can drift off to dreamy-dreamy land.
55670,176,8,16,Okay? All right.
55671,176,8,16,Thank you so much.
55672,176,8,16,"Hey, don't worry about it."
55673,176,8,16,"It's my first time alone with him, and I just have this weird feeling I'm gonna drop him or injure him in some way."
55674,176,8,16,I know it's completely insane...
55675,176,8,16,"Oh, heavens, oh, watch it, no!"
55676,176,8,16,(screams): No!
55677,176,8,16,This is not going well at all.
55678,176,8,16,(sighs)
55679,176,8,16,"Oh, hon, you're shaking."
55680,176,8,16,Let's get out of the cold.
55681,176,8,16,Is there anything open near here?
55682,176,8,16,(sighs)
55683,176,8,16,♪
55684,176,8,16,"Hey, I need to go to the ladies' room-- can you watch him for me?"
55685,176,8,16,Of course. I could just eat you up.
55686,176,8,16,"Look at you, yum, yum, yum, yum."
55687,176,8,16,You waited 17 years to tell me that you met the greatest boxer of all time?
55688,176,8,16,My son was rocked to sleep by Senator Mike Tyson?
55689,176,8,16,"I wanted to tell you, believe me. How could you...?"
55690,176,8,16,"Okay, this is the right thing to do."
55691,176,8,16,You got to go up there and break up with her for real.
55692,176,8,16,"And don't worry, if anything happens, just scream, we'll come rescue you."
55693,176,8,16,Okay.
55694,176,8,16,(laughs)
55695,176,8,16,Did you guys not hear me screaming up there?
55696,176,8,16,"Aw, I feel so awful."
55697,176,8,16,We went to get subs.
55698,176,8,16,We got you one though.
55699,176,8,16,We didn't get you one.
55700,176,8,16,"So, Jeanette's squatting in your room?"
55701,176,8,16,What are you guys doing here?
55702,176,8,16,We heard you screaming from three blocks away.
55703,176,8,16,Why is she in there?
55704,176,8,16,"Lily, there is no reason why."
55705,176,8,16,That's like asking why is the earth round?
55706,176,8,16,Why does the sun come up in the morning?
55707,176,8,16,What do I do for a living?
55708,176,8,16,There are some questions we're not meant to know the answer to.
55709,176,8,16,Crazy girls are crazy because they're crazy.
55710,176,8,16,I-I don't think it's quite that simple.
55711,176,8,16,I was talking to a friend of mine about Ted and Jeanette.
55712,176,8,16,"Oh, great, what friend is this?"
55713,176,8,16,"Uh, just this wise old lady that I know."
55714,176,8,16,Here's the thing about crazy.
55715,176,8,16,"When a guy sends mixed signals to a girl, it takes a toll on her psychological well-being."
55716,176,8,16,"You want to know why a girl acts crazy, look at the guy she's dating."
55717,176,8,16,Then you really see some crazy.
55718,176,8,16,Trust me.
55719,176,8,16,Are you Mike Tyson?
55720,176,8,16,"Now, hold on."
55721,176,8,16,"I've dated tons of crazy girls in my life, and not once have I ever treated them with anything other than..."
55722,176,8,16,"Oh, right, I'm a monster."
55723,176,8,16,Maybe the old lady with the face tattoo is right.
55724,176,8,16,Maybe the reason Jeanette's acting this way is Ted.
55725,176,8,16,Me? How is this my fault?
55726,176,8,16,"Yeah, come on, this is Ted we're talking about."
55727,176,8,16,"I'm sure he didn't do anything to lead her on or send mixed signals, right, Ted?"
55728,176,8,16,"Don't talk to me, don't look at me."
55729,176,8,16,I hate you and I never want to see you again!
55730,176,8,16,And we got thrown out of the Barclays Center.
55731,176,8,16,"Okay, that's disappointing."
55732,176,8,16,So disappointing.
55733,176,8,16,Seriously.
55734,176,8,16,"But that was last night. I mean, it's not like..."
55735,176,8,16,"Listen, Jeanette, we really need to have a serious talk about our..."
55736,176,8,16,"So, did Lily leave these boots here or was it some other bitch?"
55737,176,8,16,"Marshall, Barney, help me!"
55738,176,8,16,I don't think they're coming.
55739,176,8,16,I guess not.
55740,176,8,16,It's those red boots.
55741,176,8,16,They just look sexy on everyone.
55742,176,8,16,"Okay, Ted, what is with the red boots?"
55743,176,8,16,"You're a smart guy, you've got some taste, you got a visual sense, I mean, you're an architect for Pete's sakes."
55744,176,8,16,How can you look at those boots and think...
55745,176,8,16,"Oh, my God, I'm holding it, I'm holding the baby."
55746,176,8,16,"What, you've never held him before?"
55747,176,8,16,"Uh, tons of times."
55748,176,8,16,This-this is not a big moment for me.
55749,176,8,16,(quietly): This is exhilarating.
55750,176,8,16,(crashing upstairs)
55751,176,8,16,"Look, yes, I know what you're gonna say."
55752,176,8,16,"I have to break up with her. No, I was actually gonna say the opposite."
55753,176,8,16,I think you need to be with Jeanette right now.
55754,176,8,16,Because she's the one.
55755,176,8,16,No. What? No.
55756,176,8,16,She's insane.
55757,176,8,16,But I think you are also a little insane right now.
55758,176,8,16,"So I think you need to go be with your crazy girl for a while and when it all goes down in flames-- and I don't mean that figuratively, I expect there to be actual flames..."
55759,176,8,16,Narrator: And there were.
55760,176,8,16,...we'll be here for you because we love you.
55761,176,8,16,"Jeanette I just want to say that, uh, you going through my stuff like that..."
55762,176,8,16,You are really something special.
55763,176,8,16,I'm gonna send Lily a dead animal in the mail.
55764,176,8,16,I think I'm falling for you.
55765,176,8,16,I think we should have a three-way with my therapist.
55766,176,8,16,He's 70.
55767,176,8,16,What is your ring size?
55768,176,8,16,(whispers): Robin.
55769,176,8,16,It's 3:00 in the morning.
55770,176,8,16,(whispers): Really?
55771,176,8,16,"Yeah, you sure you don't want to just put him in the crib and, you know, go home?"
55772,176,8,16,"No, I'm good."
55773,176,8,16,Okay.
55774,176,8,16,Good night.
55775,176,8,16,Good night.
55776,176,8,16,What's that smell?
55777,177,8,17,Thanks.
55778,177,8,17,That's weird. I have a message.
55779,177,8,17,That's weird.
55780,177,8,17,You still have an answering machine.
55781,177,8,17,(beep)
55782,177,8,17,"Ted, this is the Captain."
55783,177,8,17,Please call me back at your earliest convenience.
55784,177,8,17,"Oh, crap."
55785,177,8,17,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x17 ♪
55786,177,8,17,The Ashtray
55787,177,8,17,"Original Air Date on February 18, 2013"
55788,177,8,17,"Narrator: Kids, you remember the Captain."
55789,177,8,17,"He was one of the richest men in New York, and when I met him, he was married to Zoey,"
55790,177,8,17,who I ended up... befriending.
55791,177,8,17,"Oh, man, he seems pissed. Does he?"
55792,177,8,17,Yes. Listen.
55793,177,8,17,(beep)
55794,177,8,17,"Ted, this is the Captain."
55795,177,8,17,Please call me back at your earliest convenience.
55796,177,8,17,"Oh, I hear it now."
55797,177,8,17,What? I don't know.
55798,177,8,17,Listen again.
55799,177,8,17,(beep)
55800,177,8,17,"Ted, this is the Captain."
55801,177,8,17,Please call me back at your earliest convenience.
55802,177,8,17,Marshall: He sounds pissed.
55803,177,8,17,"Yeah, and I think I know why."
55804,177,8,17,It has to do with the last time I saw him.
55805,177,8,17,"It was, um... it was, like, a year and a half ago."
55806,177,8,17,"Oh, boy, that was a crazy story."
55807,177,8,17,"(chuckling): Oh, boy, yeah."
55808,177,8,17,I remember.
55809,177,8,17,You weren't there.
55810,177,8,17,"Ted, bubbeleh."
55811,177,8,17,"If you have a crazy story, I was there."
55812,177,8,17,That's just a law of the universe.
55813,177,8,17,So what happened?
55814,177,8,17,"Well, it was a few weeks after Zoey and I broke up, and I was on the rebound, and I kind of rekindled things with that girl, Becky."
55815,177,8,17,"Becky? Boats, boats, boats."
55816,177,8,17,"Boats, boats, boats!"
55817,177,8,17,Boats!
55818,177,8,17,What's this a commercial for again?
55819,177,8,17,I can't quite...
55820,177,8,17,"Boats, boats, boats!"
55821,177,8,17,"Oh, get a room, you two."
55822,177,8,17,Ted: You weren't there.
55823,177,8,17,"I was, too."
55824,177,8,17,"All right, you were there? Tell me the story."
55825,177,8,17,I like the way you tell it.
55826,177,8,17,"Please, I insist."
55827,177,8,17,"Okay, we'll tell it together."
55828,177,8,17,Okay.
55829,177,8,17,Lily... Lily... had invited us...
55830,177,8,17,...had invited us...
55831,177,8,17,...to an art...
55832,177,8,17,...Garfunkel concert.
55833,177,8,17,...gallery opening.
55834,177,8,17,An Art Garfunkel gallery opening concert.
55835,177,8,17,"Go on, Ted. You're doing great."
55836,177,8,17,"Anyway, I get to the gallery..."
55837,177,8,17,This place is so fancy.
55838,177,8,17,I hope I don't embarrass myself.
55839,177,8,17,"What? Lily, come on."
55840,177,8,17,You got nothing to be embarrassed about.
55841,177,8,17,"Dude, look who it is."
55842,177,8,17,And who should walk in but...
55843,177,8,17,Daddy's home.
55844,177,8,17,Nope.
55845,177,8,17,"Well, well, Ted Mosby, my old nemesis."
55846,177,8,17,What are you doing here?
55847,177,8,17,"Um, well, uh, Lily saw an ad for this..."
55848,177,8,17,Gallery?
55849,177,8,17,So we... we came to check out the...
55850,177,8,17,Artwork.
55851,177,8,17,And then we ran into...
55852,177,8,17,Me.
55853,177,8,17,"Ted: Man, this guy's so rude."
55854,177,8,17,"I mean, I get why he's mad."
55855,177,8,17,I did stick it to his ex-wife... repeatedly.
55856,177,8,17,"Still, he's being a jerk."
55857,177,8,17,Someone needs to bring him down a peg.
55858,177,8,17,I'm sorry. Where are my...
55859,177,8,17,Manners.
55860,177,8,17,That's how that feels.
55861,177,8,17,This is my art consultant.
55862,177,8,17,Shelly.
55863,177,8,17,Art consultant? What's that?
55864,177,8,17,"Oh, Shelly helps the Captain select artwork based on its aesthetic appeal and value as an investment."
55865,177,8,17,That's why I think she's gonna love this elephant painting.
55866,177,8,17,I think this artist is going places.
55867,177,8,17,"Well, I should go."
55868,177,8,17,"Captain, we'll talk tomorrow?"
55869,177,8,17,At ease.
55870,177,8,17,"Hey, if you like art, you should see the painting I just acquired."
55871,177,8,17,It's in my apartment just upstairs.
55872,177,8,17,It's gonna blow you away.
55873,177,8,17,Anyone with this kind of ashtray money probably has an island where he hunts people.
55874,177,8,17,Probably somewhere in the Caribbean.
55875,177,8,17,I bet there's good snorkeling.
55876,177,8,17,"Hello, my darling, my one true love, my everything."
55877,177,8,17,"So, who wants to see that painting?"
55878,177,8,17,"Okay, Captain, we know why you brought us up here. It's, uh... it's about me and Zoey."
55879,177,8,17,"Ted, if you've got something to say, say it."
55880,177,8,17,A harpoon gun?
55881,177,8,17,A double-barreled harpoon gun.
55882,177,8,17,One barrel.
55883,177,8,17,With a scope.
55884,177,8,17,No scope.
55885,177,8,17,"I know you're upset, Captain, but I promise you nothing happened between me and Zoey until after you guys split up, okay?"
55886,177,8,17,So let's...
55887,177,8,17,"Let's please, just-just-just put this down."
55888,177,8,17,"Okay? Okay, oh, there we go."
55889,177,8,17,"Look, Ted, I'm not mad at you."
55890,177,8,17,"The truth is I'm in love with somebody else now, so we're fine."
55891,177,8,17,"Just don't steal this one from me, too, okay?"
55892,177,8,17,Okay?
55893,177,8,17,(laughter)
55894,177,8,17,Of course.
55895,177,8,17,I promise. Okay.
55896,177,8,17,But that got me thinking.
55897,177,8,17,Who was this new lady in his life?
55898,177,8,17,I-I had this weird sinking feeling.
55899,177,8,17,We both did.
55900,177,8,17,I had to see that picture.
55901,177,8,17,So I waited until everyone
55902,177,8,17,"was out of the room, and then..."
55903,177,8,17,"BECKY: Boats, boats, boats!"
55904,177,8,17,No.
55905,177,8,17,No...!
55906,177,8,17,"She's ""boats, boats, boats,"" and he's the Captain."
55907,177,8,17,That's sweet; I'm happy for those two.
55908,177,8,17,"Ted, you suck."
55909,177,8,17,(phone rings)
55910,177,8,17,(gasps)
55911,177,8,17,"Oh, my God, oh, my God."
55912,177,8,17,"It's him, it's him. What do I do?"
55913,177,8,17,"What do I do? Ted, wait a second."
55914,177,8,17,What do I do? Wait a second. Wait a second!
55915,177,8,17,"Hey, is there any chance that he is calling to invite the three of us out on his boat?"
55916,177,8,17,"Uh, I don't know, maybe like one percent."
55917,177,8,17,Ted's phone. Hold for Ted.
55918,177,8,17,Hello.
55919,177,8,17,"Ted, I'm gonna ask you something, and I want you to be completely honest."
55920,177,8,17,What's your friend Robin's number?
55921,177,8,17,What?
55922,177,8,17,"Ted, ask about the boat."
55923,177,8,17,"Uh, Captain, can... can I put you on hold?"
55924,177,8,17,Affirmative.
55925,177,8,17,He wants Robin's number.
55926,177,8,17,Should I give it to him?
55927,177,8,17,Is he trying to hook up with my fiancée?
55928,177,8,17,"No, uh-uh. (snorts)"
55929,177,8,17,"The only way that's happening is if I get to hook up with someone, too."
55930,177,8,17,Wait a second... No.
55931,177,8,17,Unless... Absolutely not.
55932,177,8,17,However... Forget it.
55933,177,8,17,On the other hand... Ixnay!
55934,177,8,17,"Guys, guys, I got to make a decision here."
55935,177,8,17,"Okay, you know what, I say do it."
55936,177,8,17,"If it is a booty call, then Robin will just let him down easy, but in the meantime, Ted is back on the Captain's good side."
55937,177,8,17,We all get to go out on his boat; I get to steer it.
55938,177,8,17,Everybody wins.
55939,177,8,17,Okay.
55940,177,8,17,Fine. Give him her number.
55941,177,8,17,You don't think she'll mind?
55942,177,8,17,I don't think she'll mind.
55943,177,8,17,You gave the Captain my number?
55944,177,8,17,She minds.
55945,177,8,17,Do you not remember that night we hung out with him at the art show?
55946,177,8,17,"Oh, right, of course you don't remember because, earlier that night, you shared a big, fat sandwich with Becky."
55947,177,8,17,"Boats, boats, boats!"
55948,177,8,17,What's this a commercial for again?
55949,177,8,17,"Yeah, so?"
55950,177,8,17,I hardly think that changes the story.
55951,177,8,17,Mmm. Mmm.
55952,177,8,17,Delicious!
55953,177,8,17,This place is so fancy.
55954,177,8,17,I hope I don't embarrass myself.
55955,177,8,17,"Oh, come on, Lily."
55956,177,8,17,You got nothing to be embarrassed about.
55957,177,8,17,"Dude, look who's here."
55958,177,8,17,Daddy's home.
55959,177,8,17,Nope. Nope.
55960,177,8,17,"Well, well."
55961,177,8,17,(screams)
55962,177,8,17,"Ted Mosby, my old nemesis."
55963,177,8,17,What are you doing here?
55964,177,8,17,"Well, Lily... saw an ad for this..."
55965,177,8,17,Gallery.
55966,177,8,17,"So we thought we'd, um... come and check out the..."
55967,177,8,17,Artwork?
55968,177,8,17,And then we ran into...
55969,177,8,17,Me?
55970,177,8,17,Robin: And the Captain wasn't glaring at you.
55971,177,8,17,He couldn't take his eyes off...
55972,177,8,17,"Hey, nice to see you again."
55973,177,8,17,"Yeah, you, too."
55974,177,8,17,Oh.
55975,177,8,17,"Man, this guy is so rude."
55976,177,8,17,"I mean, I get why he's upset."
55977,177,8,17,I did stick it to his ex-wife... repeatedly.
55978,177,8,17,"Still, the guy's being a jerk."
55979,177,8,17,Someone needs to take him down a peg.
55980,177,8,17,(clears throat)
55981,177,8,17,Sorry.
55982,177,8,17,Where are my manners?
55983,177,8,17,"This is Shelly, my art consultant."
55984,177,8,17,Art consultant? What's that?
55985,177,8,17,Shelly helps the Captain select artwork based on aesthetic...
55986,177,8,17,Manners!
55987,177,8,17,That's how that feels.
55988,177,8,17,"...appeal and value as an investment, and that's why I think she's gonna love this elephant painting."
55989,177,8,17,I think this artist is going places.
55990,177,8,17,"Well, I should go."
55991,177,8,17,"Captain, we'll talk tomorrow."
55992,177,8,17,"If you like art, you should see the painting I just acquired."
55993,177,8,17,It's gonna blow you away.
55994,177,8,17,Snorkeling.
55995,177,8,17,"Robin: Then, after I saved you from destroying"
55996,177,8,17,a priceless crystal ashtray...
55997,177,8,17,You're welcome.
55998,177,8,17,(screams)
55999,177,8,17,"Hello, my darling, my one true love, my everything."
56000,177,8,17,
56001,177,8,17,Ahoy?
56002,177,8,17,So who wants to see that painting?
56003,177,8,17,"Okay, Captain."
56004,177,8,17,We all know why you brought us up here.
56005,177,8,17,"This is about me and, um..."
56006,177,8,17,(snaps fingers)
56007,177,8,17,Zoey.
56008,177,8,17,"All right, Ted."
56009,177,8,17,"If you've got something to say, say it."
56010,177,8,17,"Whoa, whoa."
56011,177,8,17,A remote control?
56012,177,8,17,A remote control.
56013,177,8,17,Let's relax.
56014,177,8,17,"I-I know you're upset, Captain."
56015,177,8,17,I-I just... I want to assure you nothing happened between me and Zoey until after you guys had split up.
56016,177,8,17,So let's just... let's just... let's put this down.
56017,177,8,17,"Okay, okay."
56018,177,8,17,There we go.
56019,177,8,17,"Ted, I'm not mad at you."
56020,177,8,17,"Truth is, I'm in love with somebody else now."
56021,177,8,17,"So he invited me back to his bedroom to show me this painting, and..."
56022,177,8,17,Finally.
56023,177,8,17,We're alone.
56024,177,8,17,"Barney: Robin, no, I don't want"
56025,177,8,17,to picture that. Nothing happened.
56026,177,8,17,"Aw, that means hand stuff. What?"
56027,177,8,17,No.
56028,177,8,17,I'm serious--
56029,177,8,17,he was on the rebound.
56030,177,8,17,I told him to take some time to pull himself together and... call me in a year and a half.
56031,177,8,17,"Barney: Ah, great."
56032,177,8,17,What if he asks you out?
56033,177,8,17,What does that mean for our relationship?
56034,177,8,17,"What, are we planning to be in some super-enlightened, forward-thinking marriage, where we don't get hung up on the suffocating and outdated principles of monogamy, and instead enjoy the company of multiple partners, sometimes bringing said partners into our marital bed, but just girls, not dudes, except maybe one time just to see what that's like?"
56035,177,8,17,"I mean, is that what you want?"
56036,177,8,17,No.
56037,177,8,17,Okay.
56038,177,8,17,"Me, neither!"
56039,177,8,17,"Okay, Robin, look, you-you need to call the Captain and let him down easy, okay?"
56040,177,8,17,Let him move on with his life.
56041,177,8,17,"Let him go out on his boat with his old friends, maybe some new friends."
56042,177,8,17,Maybe let one of those new friends steer the boat.
56043,177,8,17,"Just so that one of them could say, ""Iceberg straighthead!"""
56044,177,8,17,Fine.
56045,177,8,17,(sighs)
56046,177,8,17,Ahoy.
56047,177,8,17,"Hi. Captain, it's Robin."
56048,177,8,17,Ahoy.
56049,177,8,17,"Uh, look, I, uh, have to be upfront with you."
56050,177,8,17,I'm engaged.
56051,177,8,17,Engaged? I thought you were married to Marshall.
56052,177,8,17,This is Robin right?
56053,177,8,17,The redheaded kindergarten teacher who wore the gray dress and the blue shoes to that art show?
56054,177,8,17,Can you please hold a moment?
56055,177,8,17,Dropping anchor.
56056,177,8,17,He's looking for Lily.
56057,177,8,17,Should I give him her number?
56058,177,8,17,Yeah. We've already discussed it.
56059,177,8,17,It's $4 million cash.
56060,177,8,17,"Oh, her phone number."
56061,177,8,17,"Yes, I don't think she'll mind."
56062,177,8,17,You gave the Captain my number?
56063,177,8,17,She minds.
56064,177,8,17,(sighs)
56065,177,8,17,It finally happened.
56066,177,8,17,My past finally caught up with me.
56067,177,8,17,"Oh, God."
56068,177,8,17,"Lily, if you tell me that you slept with the Captain for anything under 2.8, which we agreed was as low as we were going to go..."
56069,177,8,17,"No, it's nothing like that."
56070,177,8,17,Do you guys remember the last time we saw the Captain?
56071,177,8,17,"All: Yes. LILY: Oh, right."
56072,177,8,17,"Of course you don't. Barney, you weren't there."
56073,177,8,17,"Ted, you had just floated out of a Snoop Dogg B-side."
56074,177,8,17,"And, Robin, you had just come from that big meeting that ran long."
56075,177,8,17,(whooping)
56076,177,8,17,(imitating drums)
56077,177,8,17,Delicious. Shrimpy for me.
56078,177,8,17,This place is so fancy.
56079,177,8,17,I hope I don't embarrass myself.
56080,177,8,17,"Come on, Lily, you have nothing to be embarrassed about."
56081,177,8,17,Dude!
56082,177,8,17,Look who's here!
56083,177,8,17,Daddy's...
56084,177,8,17,Nope. Nope.
56085,177,8,17,"Well, well."
56086,177,8,17,(Ted shrieking)
56087,177,8,17,"Ted Mosby, my old nemesis."
56088,177,8,17,"Hello, sailor."
56089,177,8,17,Robin: No!
56090,177,8,17,"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no."
56091,177,8,17,"Okay, yeah, that's what happened."
56092,177,8,17,"This is Shelly, my art consultant."
56093,177,8,17,(scoffs)
56094,177,8,17,Art consultant!
56095,177,8,17,What's that?
56096,177,8,17,"Shelly helps the Captain select artwork based on its aesthetic appeal and its value as an investment, which is why I think she's gonna love this elephant painting."
56097,177,8,17,I think this artist is going places.
56098,177,8,17,You'd have to be a real Dumbo not to enjoy this painting.
56099,177,8,17,(laughs) Get it? 'Cause he's an elephant?
56100,177,8,17,Your sense of humor is as good as your taste in art.
56101,177,8,17,Captain?
56102,177,8,17,We'll talk tomorrow?
56103,177,8,17,"If you like art, you should see the painting I just acquired."
56104,177,8,17,It's in my...
56105,177,8,17,Manners.
56106,177,8,17,That's how that feels.
56107,177,8,17,In my apartment right upstairs.
56108,177,8,17,It's gonna blow you away.
56109,177,8,17,Snorkeling.
56110,177,8,17,"Lily: Then, after I saved you from destroying"
56111,177,8,17,a priceless crystal ashtray...
56112,177,8,17,You're welcome.
56113,177,8,17,(shrieks)
56114,177,8,17,"Hello, my darling, my one true love, my everything."
56115,177,8,17,"So, who wants to see that painting?"
56116,177,8,17,"Ooh, if you show me yours, I'll show you mine."
56117,177,8,17,So we check out the painting.
56118,177,8,17,"Huh. You know, that elephant painting would look nice in here."
56119,177,8,17,"You're looking at a masterpiece, and you're talking about some elephant painting?"
56120,177,8,17,TED (yelling): No...!
56121,177,8,17,"Oh, this one's nice, too."
56122,177,8,17,I just like the elephant painting better.
56123,177,8,17,"You know, it doesn't matter what you like."
56124,177,8,17,You're just a kindergarten teacher.
56125,177,8,17,"Ah, finally we're alone."
56126,177,8,17,(giggles)
56127,177,8,17,(snoring)
56128,177,8,17,"Oh, no, Lily, what did you do?"
56129,177,8,17,He was a jerk--
56130,177,8,17,he deserved to have that precious painting stolen.
56131,177,8,17,"Oh, God, Lily, you didn't...?"
56132,177,8,17,Of course I didn't.
56133,177,8,17,I stole this ashtray instead.
56134,177,8,17,"Lily! Hey, you know the rules."
56135,177,8,17,"You misbehave, I take away one of your toys."
56136,177,8,17,"Aldrin Justice, baby."
56137,177,8,17,"So you're telling me that that ashtray that's been in our apartment for over a year and a half is not only stolen, but also very expensive."
56138,177,8,17,Both of those things-- yes.
56139,177,8,17,"Guys, can you leave us alone for a minute, please?"
56140,177,8,17,"Ooh, they're gonna do it."
56141,177,8,17,"No, we're gonna fight."
56142,177,8,17,And then maybe afterwards we'll do it.
56143,177,8,17,I can't believe that was the same ashtray.
56144,177,8,17,I should've recognized it.
56145,177,8,17,"I know-- me, too."
56146,177,8,17,"Barney, you weren't there."
56147,177,8,17,Why is it so important that you be part of this story?
56148,177,8,17,Because crazy stories are my thing.
56149,177,8,17,"You have architecture, Marshall has the law, Lily has art, Robin has pleasing me sexually."
56150,177,8,17,You all have a passion that drives you.
56151,177,8,17,"Well, if I have a passion, it's taking life and turning it into a series of crazy stories."
56152,177,8,17,"If you can do that without me, then..."
56153,177,8,17,I don't even know who I am anymore.
56154,177,8,17,"You know what, Barney?"
56155,177,8,17,"Now that I think about it, you were there."
56156,177,8,17,"That's right, you were."
56157,177,8,17,I was? Yeah.
56158,177,8,17,"I mean, I know I was."
56159,177,8,17,"That's what I'm saying, guys."
56160,177,8,17,"We just, uh... we just didn't realize it because... you were in disguise."
56161,177,8,17,"Yeah, you were doing, uh, one of your plays from the playbook."
56162,177,8,17,"On Shelly, the art consultant."
56163,177,8,17,"Yes, it was, uh, some play that had to do with art..."
56164,177,8,17,The Royal Archduke of Grand Fenwick?
56165,177,8,17,A simple play you can do using two everyday household objects--
56166,177,8,17,a Prussian military costume and an oil painting of yourself?
56167,177,8,17,"That's the one, and it worked on Shelly."
56168,177,8,17,I totally nailed her!
56169,177,8,17,And then I nailed her sister who was even hotter.
56170,177,8,17,(laughing)
56171,177,8,17,Good times.
56172,177,8,17,"You are gonna return that ashtray, and you're gonna pray that he doesn't press charges, because I can't be in a marriage where one of us is in prison."
56173,177,8,17,"I know that we role-play conjugal visits a lot, but I can't do that for realsies."
56174,177,8,17,I'm sorry--
56175,177,8,17,all rulings are final.
56176,177,8,17,I am not taking it back.
56177,177,8,17,"Oh, my God!"
56178,177,8,17,"Lily, what is the big deal?"
56179,177,8,17,"Okay, so what?"
56180,177,8,17,So he said you're just a kindergarten teacher.
56181,177,8,17,Why do you let that bother you?
56182,177,8,17,Because he was right.
56183,177,8,17,I am just a kindergarten teacher.
56184,177,8,17,"And, yes, I have a degree in art history and I was meant to do something with it, but I didn't."
56185,177,8,17,"Somewhere along the line, I forgot to pursue my dream, and... and now I'm old and I'm a mom and it's just too late for me."
56186,177,8,17,"Lily, okay, okay."
56187,177,8,17,"It's too late. No, no, no, it's not too... it's not too late."
56188,177,8,17,"You're gonna quit your job tomorrow, and you're gonna... you're gonna go back and pick up right where you left off with that art stuff."
56189,177,8,17,And then you know what?
56190,177,8,17,"I'm gonna find Shelly, and I'm gonna punch her in the face."
56191,177,8,17,I am-- I'm gonna punch a girl... and run away.
56192,177,8,17,Look.
56193,177,8,17,"I promise you, your best and your most exciting days are all ahead of you."
56194,177,8,17,"I love you so much for saying that, but there gets to be a point in life where that just stops being true."
56195,177,8,17,I'm sorry I stole this.
56196,177,8,17,I'll return it first thing tomorrow.
56197,177,8,17,"Narrator: And so the next day, Lily returned to the Captain's apartment."
56198,177,8,17,"Well, how about that."
56199,177,8,17,I didn't even realize it was gone.
56200,177,8,17,No harm done.
56201,177,8,17,"Wait, if you weren't calling about the ashtray, then why'd you want to see me?"
56202,177,8,17,Follow me.
56203,177,8,17,"Oh, my gosh."
56204,177,8,17,"Yep, that night, I ducked back down into the gallery and bought it."
56205,177,8,17,Shelly didn't stop you?
56206,177,8,17,Shelly was off with some archduke she met at the party.
56207,177,8,17,"No, I just... well, I liked what you said about how you just liked it."
56208,177,8,17,I still do.
56209,177,8,17,"Me, too."
56210,177,8,17,"Anyway, I just sold it for $4 million."
56211,177,8,17,What?
56212,177,8,17,"In the year and a half since I bought this piece, the artist has turned into a huge star in the art world."
56213,177,8,17,"The next Basquiat, they're saying."
56214,177,8,17,And nobody saw it coming except you.
56215,177,8,17,So I've decided to give you half my earnings from the sale.
56216,177,8,17,(gasps)
56217,177,8,17,I'm just kidding.
56218,177,8,17,I'm not giving you two million bucks.
56219,177,8,17,(groans)
56220,177,8,17,"I mean, I could."
56221,177,8,17,Easily-- it wouldn't even make a dent for me.
56222,177,8,17,"But trust me, the tax code being what it is, you do not want to be rich right now."
56223,177,8,17,So here's what I'm thinking.
56224,177,8,17,"I want to get back in the art game, and I need a new art consultant."
56225,177,8,17,"Wait, are you offering me a job?"
56226,177,8,17,If you want it.
56227,177,8,17,What do you say?
56228,177,8,17,"And she said yes. Guys, it was amazing!"
56229,177,8,17,You should have been there. Barney!
56230,177,8,17,You were not there. Let her tell her story.
56231,177,8,17,Guys! You were not there.
56232,177,8,17,"What did you say, baby?"
56233,177,8,17,I said yes.
56234,177,8,17,Ha! Told you!
56235,177,8,17,How would I know that she was going to say...?
56236,177,8,17,♪
56237,178,8,18,Marshall: This is the life.
56238,178,8,18,We got the three B's.
56239,178,8,18,"Beach, booze and bodacious babes."
56240,178,8,18,I don't know.
56241,178,8,18,I'm starting to think we should call the police.
56242,178,8,18,"Oh, would you relax?"
56243,178,8,18,We've got it made.
56244,178,8,18,"One whole week at his bodacious beach house, no strings attached."
56245,178,8,18,"Well, there is one string attached."
56246,178,8,18,"Hi, Barney."
56247,178,8,18,Both: Bodacious.
56248,178,8,18,(gasps)
56249,178,8,18,"""Weekend at Barney's!"""
56250,178,8,18,What is it? What's wrong?
56251,178,8,18,"The plays, Robin, the plays."
56252,178,8,18,The ingenious techniques I used as a bachelor to pick up busty dullards.
56253,178,8,18,They just keep coming to me; I can't turn them off.
56254,178,8,18,"Okay, Barney, let me ease your mind, okay?"
56255,178,8,18,"All right, here we go."
56256,178,8,18,Remember when you set your Playbook on fire?
56257,178,8,18,That was the moment I realized you were someone I could marry.
56258,178,8,18,And I'd burn it again if I could.
56259,178,8,18,You're right.
56260,178,8,18,I'm done with all these plays.
56261,178,8,18,"Besides, there's no way I'll ever come up with anything that tops ""Weekend at Barney's."""
56262,178,8,18,(chuckles)
56263,178,8,18,"""Weekend at Barney's Two!"""
56264,178,8,18,"Damn it, Barney!"
56265,178,8,18,(panting)
56266,178,8,18,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x18 ♪
56267,178,8,18,Weekend at Barney's
56268,178,8,18,"Original Air Date on February 25, 2013"
56269,178,8,18,"So, there's this big gallery opening tonight."
56270,178,8,18,"Oh, we'd love to, but we've got this, um..."
56271,178,8,18,"Genesis reunion, Madison Square Garden, front row."
56272,178,8,18,It's gonna be legend...
56273,178,8,18,I wasn't inviting you guys.
56274,178,8,18,"Oh, thank God. There is no concert."
56275,178,8,18,"As the captain's new art buyer, I have to go schmooze this up-and-coming artist, Strickland Stevens, so we get first dibs on all his new stuff."
56276,178,8,18,And I'll be helping Lily seal the deal by impressing the intelligentsia with some art-related hilarity.
56277,178,8,18,I've prepared some jokes.
56278,178,8,18,Why couldn't the art dealer pay his rent?
56279,178,8,18,I don't know. Why?
56280,178,8,18,This is gonna be rough.
56281,178,8,18,Because he ran out of Monet.
56282,178,8,18,You're gonna get that on the walk home. How about this one?
56283,178,8,18,"You know what, we'd... we'd love to hear it, but we've got that, um... that..."
56284,178,8,18,"Steely Dan, Carnegie Hall, backstage pass. Let's go."
56285,178,8,18,We don't want to miss whatever their big song was.
56286,178,8,18,Yeah.
56287,178,8,18,"Your wedding response card, as promised."
56288,178,8,18,Why didn't you just mail it like everybody else?
56289,178,8,18,"Oh, see, that's sad, Robin."
56290,178,8,18,You should be touched that I hand-delivered it.
56291,178,8,18,Has social media so eroded our interpersonal relationships that we no longer wish to experience the...
56292,178,8,18,You wanted to keep the stamp?
56293,178,8,18,They're 46 cents now.
56294,178,8,18,"It's getting out of hand. ""Your invitation is joyfully accepted by Mr. Ted Mosby and Jeanette"""""
56295,178,8,18,(groaning)
56296,178,8,18,"Narrator: Kids, as you'll recall, Jeanette was the last girl I dated before I met your mother."
56297,178,8,18,My friends only had one tiny problem with her.
56298,178,8,18,(alarm buzzing)
56299,178,8,18,She was nuts.
56300,178,8,18,So you're bringing a plus one?
56301,178,8,18,"If you count the voices in her head, it's plus five."
56302,178,8,18,"Guys, I'm bringing her, and you're gonna love having her there."
56303,178,8,18,"Oh, and, um, by the way, just so this doesn't turn into an argument later, the dress she's gonna wear isn't technically white; it's eggshell."
56304,178,8,18,"The shoes are white, though."
56305,178,8,18,And the gloves.
56306,178,8,18,"And the veil. Well, see you guys."
56307,178,8,18,"No, no, no. Mosby! Get..."
56308,178,8,18,"Oh, my God, what happened?"
56309,178,8,18,"Oh, I trashed your apartment."
56310,178,8,18,"See, I got bored, so I started going through all your e-mails."
56311,178,8,18,"Sure. And I found one from a woman with the subject line, ""big pen1s orgasms,"" so naturally, I smashed your plates, knifed your mattress, peed in your drawers, the whole nine, but then, while I was upper-decking your toilet, I actually read the e-mail."
56312,178,8,18,Turns out it was spam.
56313,178,8,18,"Classic Jeanette, huh?"
56314,178,8,18,"Oh, my God."
56315,178,8,18,You are certifiably insane...
56316,178,8,18,...about me.
56317,178,8,18,"Come here, you knucklehead."
56318,178,8,18,I can't stay mad at you.
56319,178,8,18,"Ted, Ted, I'm breaking up with you."
56320,178,8,18,"You're just so intense, and it's all moving way too fast."
56321,178,8,18,Here's your key back.
56322,178,8,18,I never gave you a key.
56323,178,8,18,And here's your grandmother's ring.
56324,178,8,18,She was buried wearing this.
56325,178,8,18,"And just like that,"
56326,178,8,18,it was over.
56327,178,8,18,I texted Barney and Robin.
56328,178,8,18,I'm sure they're over the moon that Jeanette's not coming to the wedding.
56329,178,8,18,"Oh, no, Ted, no."
56330,178,8,18,They're not gonna be happy about you being sad.
56331,178,8,18,They broke up!
56332,178,8,18,(screaming)
56333,178,8,18,"Ted, respectfully, are you sure that this was the right girl for you?"
56334,178,8,18,Of course not.
56335,178,8,18,She was crazy.
56336,178,8,18,Absolutely a nightmare.
56337,178,8,18,It's totally not worth the trouble.
56338,178,8,18,"I mean, no matter how... no matter how great the s*x was."
56339,178,8,18,"Uh-oh. Stay with us, buddy."
56340,178,8,18,"No matter how hot and passionate and surprising, possibly illegal..."
56341,178,8,18,"I don't like this. Me, neither."
56342,178,8,18,I'm gonna win her back.
56343,178,8,18,(groaning)
56344,178,8,18,Barney and Robin are gonna be so happy I'm happy.
56345,178,8,18,(sobbing)
56346,178,8,18,I know.
56347,178,8,18,I know.
56348,178,8,18,Did you just unhook my bra?
56349,178,8,18,"Shh. There, there."
56350,178,8,18,Narrator: That night was the big gallery show.
56351,178,8,18,Hey. I'm so sorry.
56352,178,8,18,I decided to grab a snack from the bodega.
56353,178,8,18,Why?
56354,178,8,18,They'll have food at the gallery.
56355,178,8,18,"Oh, come on, these places never have food."
56356,178,8,18,It's fine.
56357,178,8,18,I got some Skittles.
56358,178,8,18,Narrator: That was the last bag of Skittles your Uncle Marshall would ever buy.
56359,178,8,18,"Meanwhile, I headed over to Jeanette's place to win her back."
56360,178,8,18,(bell dings)
56361,178,8,18,(doors close)
56362,178,8,18,What the hell?
56363,178,8,18,"I can't let you do this, Ted."
56364,178,8,18,I want Jeanette back.
56365,178,8,18,"Well, then accept my apology."
56366,178,8,18,For what?
56367,178,8,18,(sighs)
56368,178,8,18,This.
56369,178,8,18,"Ow, ow, ow! Damn it! You're strong."
56370,178,8,18,That's just from Pilates?
56371,178,8,18,Twice a week.
56372,178,8,18,"Look, I don't want you getting back with Jeanette."
56373,178,8,18,"Ted, what is my one rule?"
56374,178,8,18,You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?
56375,178,8,18,My other one rule.
56376,178,8,18,Flaxseed relieves upset stomach?
56377,178,8,18,My other one rule.
56378,178,8,18,Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?
56379,178,8,18,My other one rule.
56380,178,8,18,Lebanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there?
56381,178,8,18,My other one rule. New is always better.
56382,178,8,18,New is always better!
56383,178,8,18,"Exactly, Ted."
56384,178,8,18,"You want to invite a date to our wedding, it is not gonna be Jeanette."
56385,178,8,18,It is gonna be someone new.
56386,178,8,18,And I am gonna help you find her with a little help from...
56387,178,8,18,The Playbook.
56388,178,8,18,The Playbook?
56389,178,8,18,Didn't you burn that?
56390,178,8,18,"Oh, I didn't burn the real one."
56391,178,8,18,"That was the ceremonial playbook for parades, mall openings, inaugurations, stuff like that."
56392,178,8,18,That's a pretty big secret to keep from Robin.
56393,178,8,18,"Which is exactly why I'm trusting you, my best bro, to never let her know that the Playbook still exists."
56394,178,8,18,Pinky swear?
56395,178,8,18,Fine.
56396,178,8,18,Wow.
56397,178,8,18,"See, I told you."
56398,178,8,18,Thank God I snuck in this bag of goodness.
56399,178,8,18,(gasps)
56400,178,8,18,There's Strickland Stevens.
56401,178,8,18,Marshall: Wow.
56402,178,8,18,Even his scarf is up-and-coming.
56403,178,8,18,Are you gonna be okay by yourself for a few minutes?
56404,178,8,18,"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
56405,178,8,18,"Well, you're sitting on an $80,000 sculpture."
56406,178,8,18,"For 80 grand, you'd think it would be more comfortable."
56407,178,8,18,"Lil, I'll be fine."
56408,178,8,18,Do you know who you're talking to?
56409,178,8,18,"In high school, I was voted most outgoing freshman, sophomore and senior year."
56410,178,8,18,What happened junior year?
56411,178,8,18,"Egdud Ferhaki, that outgoing son of a bitch."
56412,178,8,18,He beat you for most outgoing?
56413,178,8,18,"Huh? Oh, no, we tied."
56414,178,8,18,"Look, the point is, I can make friends anywhere, even here."
56415,178,8,18,"Thanks, baby. You got it."
56416,178,8,18,(clicks tongue)
56417,178,8,18,"Hey, excuse me."
56418,178,8,18,Listen.
56419,178,8,18,"Do you think that you would enjoy a show featuring Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo and Leonardo?"
56420,178,8,18,Sound like you're a fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
56421,178,8,18,Gotcha. Skin it.
56422,178,8,18,He will get that on the drive home.
56423,178,8,18,
56424,178,8,18,Narrator: He didn't.
56425,178,8,18,Fireworks? Yeah.
56426,178,8,18,Everything in there is a prop we'll need for tonight.
56427,178,8,18,Everything.
56428,178,8,18,"All right, here's how this is going down."
56429,178,8,18,You'll be wearing this earpiece and microphone.
56430,178,8,18,"I'll be staked out here, telling you exactly what to say, so just stay focused and you'll be fine."
56431,178,8,18,Which play are we gonna run first?
56432,178,8,18,"How about the ""Weekend at Barney's""?"
56433,178,8,18,(chuckles)
56434,178,8,18,"Oh, Ted, your first day at the salon, and you want to do a cut and color?"
56435,178,8,18,No.
56436,178,8,18,Tonight we're gonna start off with...
56437,178,8,18,Ice Man to Neruda.
56438,178,8,18,Ice Man to Neruda.
56439,178,8,18,"Bogey at 10:00, and she is packing two fully-operational sweater stretchers."
56440,178,8,18,"That's bravo, Oscar, Oscar, bravo, Sierra."
56441,178,8,18,Possible delta cups.
56442,178,8,18,Copy that. Engaging target.
56443,178,8,18,Over.
56444,178,8,18,"Excuse me, I have a delivery for Lisa."
56445,178,8,18,"Excuse me, I have a delivery for Lisa."
56446,178,8,18,Are you Lisa? Are you Lisa?
56447,178,8,18,"Uh, no."
56448,178,8,18,But you must be.
56449,178,8,18,I was told to...
56450,178,8,18,"...deliver this package to a girl named Lisa, and that I'd recognize her because she'd be..."
56451,178,8,18,The most beautiful girl in this bar.
56452,178,8,18,"So, here's your delivery, Lisa."
56453,178,8,18,"Uh, I am definitely not Lisa, but I would be happy to help you find her."
56454,178,8,18,"Great, and then maybe later..."
56455,178,8,18,I could give you a different package-- my pen1s.
56456,178,8,18,That is a terrible line!
56457,178,8,18,You said it wrong.
56458,178,8,18,I did not say it wrong.
56459,178,8,18,My pen1s.
56460,178,8,18,No. My pen1s.
56461,178,8,18,"Still not right. My pen1s, my pen1s, my pen1s!"
56462,178,8,18,(muttering): Hello.
56463,178,8,18,Lily: This sucks.
56464,178,8,18,I can't get near Strickland.
56465,178,8,18,At least Marshall's having a good time.
56466,178,8,18,"Man, he always knows just the right thing to say."
56467,178,8,18,"For a gay guy, Andy Warhol sure liked cans."
56468,178,8,18,This sucks.
56469,178,8,18,Maybe I've lost my charm.
56470,178,8,18,"No, Marshall, if Lily's gonna make it in this fancy art world, you're gonna have to make it, too, so suck it up, stop sitting on the art,"
56471,178,8,18,"and bust out the ""A"" material."
56472,178,8,18,"You two keep chugging like that, you're gonna have to Vincent van go"
56473,178,8,18,"to the bathroom, am I right?"
56474,178,8,18,It's pronounced van Gogh.
56475,178,8,18,"Oh, ""blogh"" me."
56476,178,8,18,I still don't get why someone would leave the hospital without changing into their clothes first. Over.
56477,178,8,18,"Ted, this is my thing."
56478,178,8,18,So just... okay?
56479,178,8,18,Over.
56480,178,8,18,Okay? Over.
56481,178,8,18,Are you all right?
56482,178,8,18,What? Oh.
56483,178,8,18,"Yes, yes, I'm fine."
56484,178,8,18,"Tomorrow, I'm... donating a kidney to my best friend."
56485,178,8,18,My best friend Barney.
56486,178,8,18,Not Marshall.
56487,178,8,18,Barney.
56488,178,8,18,Marshall's so lame.
56489,178,8,18,"Anyway, uh... just wanted to grab one last drink, in case... you know, I don't make it."
56490,178,8,18,You are so brave.
56491,178,8,18,"Hey, listen. (clears throat)"
56492,178,8,18,"Before I give my best friend this organ, how about..."
56493,178,8,18,Nope.
56494,178,8,18,"Nope, I'm not saying that."
56495,178,8,18,"I did hear you, but I'm not saying that."
56496,178,8,18,Because I'm not.
56497,178,8,18,Are you okay?
56498,178,8,18,One second. I know you put a lot of work into this.
56499,178,8,18,I understand that.
56500,178,8,18,I understand that.
56501,178,8,18,I understand that.
56502,178,8,18,I understand that.
56503,178,8,18,Why can't I just talk to her?
56504,178,8,18,Maybe we'll hit it off...
56505,178,8,18,(sighs)
56506,178,8,18,Fine.
56507,178,8,18,Copy that.
56508,178,8,18,(clears throat)
56509,178,8,18,How about I give you a different organ?
56510,178,8,18,My pen1s.
56511,178,8,18,You said it wrong.
56512,178,8,18,I did not say it wrong!
56513,178,8,18,Thank you all so much for coming.
56514,178,8,18,"If you'll indulge me, I would like to share a story about my dearly departed grandmother."
56515,178,8,18,"Marshall: Oh, God."
56516,178,8,18,"News flash, Johnny Ascot: Lots of people have dead grandmas."
56517,178,8,18,"No, Marshall."
56518,178,8,18,Don't be bitter.
56519,178,8,18,You're here for Lily.
56520,178,8,18,"Just look at her, so professional."
56521,178,8,18,She hasn't sat on a single piece of art.
56522,178,8,18,You're gonna ride this thing out with dignity for Lily.
56523,178,8,18,Not one more thing that might embarrass her.
56524,178,8,18,I will simply stand here.
56525,178,8,18,Perfectly invisible.
56526,178,8,18,And so I dedicate this show to my grandmother's memory.
56527,178,8,18,Now... please join me in honoring her with 60 seconds of absolute silence.
56528,178,8,18,(clattering)
56529,178,8,18,(one Skittle rattles on floor)
56530,178,8,18,"Barney: Okay, Neruda, this play is extremely complicated."
56531,178,8,18,"Let me guess. Does it involve me saying ""my pen1s"" in a Scottish accent?"
56532,178,8,18,"(Scottish accent): Now you're gettin' it, laddie!"
56533,178,8,18,Hey!
56534,178,8,18,Robin. What are you doing here?
56535,178,8,18,"I was curious as to whether you found Ted a date to our wedding who was a little less, you know, Antichrist-y."
56536,178,8,18,Is that the Playbook?
56537,178,8,18,"No, Robin, that is a couch."
56538,178,8,18,"Oh, you mean the Playbook on the couch?"
56539,178,8,18,I can explain.
56540,178,8,18,Don't bother.
56541,178,8,18,"I can ex... Uh, Ted? Uh..."
56542,178,8,18,I got to step away from mission control for a sec.
56543,178,8,18,Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone.
56544,178,8,18,Robin...
56545,178,8,18,(no dialogue)
56546,178,8,18,"Robin, wait."
56547,178,8,18,Um... shoot. I haven't figured out what I'm gonna say yet. Keep going.
56548,178,8,18,"Robin, wait."
56549,178,8,18,"Look, I'm sorry that I still have the Playbook."
56550,178,8,18,"It's just, it's filled with a lifetime of great ideas."
56551,178,8,18,Am I supposed to just leave all that behind?
56552,178,8,18,"Yes. But... ""Weekend at Barney's""!"
56553,178,8,18,"Okay, what is that?"
56554,178,8,18,"Explain the ""Weekend at Barney's"" to me."
56555,178,8,18,What's to explain?
56556,178,8,18,"I play a dead guy, and Ted and Marshall carry me around."
56557,178,8,18,"Okay. And based on that, girls want to sleep with you."
56558,178,8,18,Big time. But you're dead.
56559,178,8,18,"Yeah. Except not really, obviously."
56560,178,8,18,But the girl thinks you're dead.
56561,178,8,18,"No, she thinks I'm alive."
56562,178,8,18,Which you are. Exactly.
56563,178,8,18,Except you're dead. Exactly.
56564,178,8,18,Except you're alive. Exactly.
56565,178,8,18,"Okay, so instead of... of being an alive person pretending to be a dead person pretending to be an alive person, why not just be an alive person?"
56566,178,8,18,"Okay, let's start from the beginning."
56567,178,8,18,The movie is called
56568,178,8,18,Weekend at Bernie's.
56569,178,8,18,My name is Barney.
56570,178,8,18,"I'm so sorry, sweetie."
56571,178,8,18,"I don't know if you heard, but I dropped some Skittles."
56572,178,8,18,"Do you know what, I'm just gonna go home before I make things worse."
56573,178,8,18,You're not going anywhere.
56574,178,8,18,We're a team.
56575,178,8,18,You stuck by me after my nip slip at your law school graduation.
56576,178,8,18,And after my nip slip at the GNB Christmas party.
56577,178,8,18,And after my nip slip at the Honeywell and Coots Family Fun Day.
56578,178,8,18,I don't know why you keep wearing that top.
56579,178,8,18,"All right, I'll stay put, but I'm keeping my mouth shut."
56580,178,8,18,"No more jokes, no more candy, no more Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."
56581,178,8,18,"Hey, are you guys talking Ninja Turtles?"
56582,178,8,18,I'm a huge TMNT fan.
56583,178,8,18,I grew up on those comic books.
56584,178,8,18,"Me, too! I was obsessed."
56585,178,8,18,Did you know that the original comic debuted in 1984 at a convention in New Hampshire?
56586,178,8,18,"Uh, yes."
56587,178,8,18,Did you know that Eastman and Laird always had their doubts about their characters being commercialized?
56588,178,8,18,Yes!
56589,178,8,18,Did you know that the painting on the back wall is inspired by Master Splinter?
56590,178,8,18,"Oh, the one of the rat doing karate."
56591,178,8,18,I see it now.
56592,178,8,18,"Hey, I'm Strickland."
56593,178,8,18,Hey. Marshall.
56594,178,8,18,"And this is my wife, Lily, who, as a matter of fact, happens to represent one of the biggest art collectors in New York City."
56595,178,8,18,I love your work.
56596,178,8,18,It's great to see you getting some recognition.
56597,178,8,18,Thank you. It's been a long haul.
56598,178,8,18,"The first painting I ever sold, I used the money to get my car fixed."
56599,178,8,18,You might say...
56600,178,8,18,I used it to make my van go.
56601,178,8,18,(laughing): That's...
56602,178,8,18,(laughing)
56603,178,8,18,"Um, a little something called rigor mortis?"
56604,178,8,18,"Oh, come on."
56605,178,8,18,Are you really this mad about a book?
56606,178,8,18,"You really think that this is just about a book, Barney?"
56607,178,8,18,You lied to me.
56608,178,8,18,"If we're gonna be in a marriage and trust each other, you can't lie to me ever."
56609,178,8,18,Really?
56610,178,8,18,"Well, that's just great."
56611,178,8,18,"Because, in case you haven't noticed these last eight years, lying is what I do best."
56612,178,8,18,"I'm a magician, Robin."
56613,178,8,18,Misdirection and deceit are my stock in trade.
56614,178,8,18,You don't want me to lie to you?
56615,178,8,18,Lies are the reason that we're together.
56616,178,8,18,Everything single thing I did to get you to say yes to me on that rooftop--
56617,178,8,18,"Patrice, the false engagement, everything--"
56618,178,8,18,it was all utter malarkey.
56619,178,8,18,But... underneath all of those lies is one true thing.
56620,178,8,18,"One true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world, and... and that's the fact that I love you."
56621,178,8,18,And you know that when I say that...
56622,178,8,18,I am not lying.
56623,178,8,18,Wha...
56624,178,8,18,Did you just unhook my bra again?
56625,178,8,18,(Barney shushes)
56626,178,8,18,"Ted: Jeanette,"
56627,178,8,18,this is great.
56628,178,8,18,We're back together.
56629,178,8,18,You're coming to Barney and Robin's wedding.
56630,178,8,18,I found two wine glasses you didn't smash.
56631,178,8,18,"Call me crazy, but I've got a feeling, from here on out, it's gonna be nothing but blue skies and..."
56632,178,8,18,What... the hell... is this?!
56633,178,8,18,(cell phone chiming)
56634,178,8,18,Uh-oh.
56635,178,8,18,Check out this text from Ted.
56636,178,8,18,(sighs)
56637,178,8,18,"Oh, my..."
56638,178,8,18,What the hell happened here?
56639,178,8,18,Jeanette and I had a little spat.
56640,178,8,18,(cuckoos)
56641,178,8,18,Would anyone like some wine?
56642,178,8,18,It's a nice Côtes du Rhône.
56643,178,8,18,Still needs to breathe a bit.
56644,178,8,18,"You know what? I got a decanter upstairs, so..."
56645,178,8,18,We should just drink it now.
56646,178,8,18,"JEANETTE: And for the grand finale, I found your fireworks."
56647,178,8,18,Let's see what they do to your precious Playbook!
56648,178,8,18,Ted: No!
56649,178,8,18,"Jeanette, please, that's Barney's life's work!"
56650,178,8,18,"Barney: It's fine, Ted."
56651,178,8,18,"Blow it up, Jeanette."
56652,178,8,18,♪ Put a candle in the window
56653,178,8,18,"♪ 'Cause I feel I've got to move ♪♪ Though I'm going, going"
56654,178,8,18,♪ I'll be coming home soon
56655,178,8,18,♪ Long as I can see the light... ♪
56656,178,8,18,Okay.
56657,178,8,18,No more dating.
56658,178,8,18,I'm ready to settle down.
56659,178,8,18,"Narrator: And, kids..."
56660,178,8,18,"for the first time in my life,"
56661,178,8,18,I really meant it.
56662,178,8,18,Oh!
56663,178,8,18,Marshall: Oh... The boots...
56664,178,8,18,(laughing)
56665,179,8,19,"Narrator: In the spring of 2013, Barney and Robin were just weeks away from tying the knot. But there were still some pretty big issues they hadn't agreed on."
56666,179,8,19,Adoption.
56667,179,8,19,I don't know.
56668,179,8,19,(sighs) It's the only thing that makes sense.
56669,179,8,19,I can't... I can't believe you're not open to it.
56670,179,8,19,Okay. Let's try it.
56671,179,8,19,"Nope, it doesn't work with 27 down."
56672,179,8,19,"Hey, with the wedding so close, maybe we should talk about where we're going to live."
56673,179,8,19,"Fine, enough."
56674,179,8,19,Stop begging.
56675,179,8,19,We'll live here.
56676,179,8,19,But you owe me.
56677,179,8,19,"Yeah, I don't know... there's just a lot of things I don't totally love about your apartment."
56678,179,8,19,Like what?
56679,179,8,19,"Well, for example, why is your bed on what look like train tracks?"
56680,179,8,19,(chuckles)
56681,179,8,19,You were wonderful.
56682,179,8,19,(chuckles)
56683,179,8,19,"Well, you don't get to be a state-certified orgasmologist without learning how to please a woman."
56684,179,8,19,"You don't mind if I spend the night, do you?"
56685,179,8,19,"Um, how else are we gonna get to know each other on a deeper level?"
56686,179,8,19,"Excuse me, I just have to log tonight's orgasms with the licensing board."
56687,179,8,19,(shrieks)
56688,179,8,19,Barney: The Ho-be-gone Sleep System
56689,179,8,19,"by Stinson, patent pending."
56690,179,8,19,What-what is on the other side of the wall?
56691,179,8,19,Where do the hos go?
56692,179,8,19,(scoffs)
56693,179,8,19,"What am I, a contractor?"
56694,179,8,19,We-we need to go into this marriage with a fresh start.
56695,179,8,19,What do you say we find a new place together?
56696,179,8,19,I love you.
56697,179,8,19,"And if that will make you happy, then let's do it."
56698,179,8,19,"Wow, so we need to find an apartment where I haven't banged someone?"
56699,179,8,19,How do you feel about Cleveland? (chuckles)
56700,179,8,19,"Ha, ha."
56701,179,8,19,Nope. Ted's mom.
56702,179,8,19,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x19 ♪
56703,179,8,19,The Fortress
56704,179,8,19,"Original Air Date on March 18, 2013"
56705,179,8,19,Shh...
56706,179,8,19,Nice job filling in for Lily on Marvin's lullaby.
56707,179,8,19,"Thanks, but I came in early on the horsie."
56708,179,8,19,Stupid!
56709,179,8,19,"No, you really nailed all of Lily's parts."
56710,179,8,19,It's been three weeks since I have.
56711,179,8,19,I barely see her anymore 'cause of this new job.
56712,179,8,19,"Well, you know what might cheer you up?"
56713,179,8,19,Hmm?
56714,179,8,19,There's a new Woodworthy Manor on tonight.
56715,179,8,19,(concerto plays)
56716,179,8,19,Narrator: Woodworthy Manor was a show about an upper class
56717,179,8,19,English estate at the beginning of the 20th century.
56718,179,8,19,MAN (British accent): My word! You can't possibly mean...
56719,179,8,19,WOMAN (British accent): But I do!
56720,179,8,19,"With the succession of Lady Eastbrooke to Viscountess of Marlyemead, our cousin Baldrick becomes... the Earl of Witherstead. The Earl of Witherstead!"
56721,179,8,19,I only posted that prediction
56722,179,8,19,15 times on the forums!
56723,179,8,19,"No, I can't."
56724,179,8,19,I promised Lily that I would wait and watch it with her.
56725,179,8,19,"Problem is, the Captain."
56726,179,8,19,"Narrator: Lily had just started a job as the art consultant for an eccentric billionaire, the Captain."
56727,179,8,19,"(concerto plays, phone rings)"
56728,179,8,19,Oh.
56729,179,8,19,(concerto stops)
56730,179,8,19,Ahoy.
56731,179,8,19,There's a hot new artist in Red Hook.
56732,179,8,19,He's molded world currency into a sculpture of a soulless plutocrat defecating on the poor.
56733,179,8,19,A scathing indictment of capitalism.
56734,179,8,19,I'll go as high as $200K as long as you think I can flip it for double in six months.
56735,179,8,19,"Aye, aye, Cap'n."
56736,179,8,19,Sorry.
56737,179,8,19,(concerto plays)
56738,179,8,19,(phone rings)
56739,179,8,19,(concerto stops)
56740,179,8,19,Ahoy.
56741,179,8,19,"here's this gorgeously delicate impressionist still life, reminiscent of Monet's water lilies."
56742,179,8,19,Where is it?
56743,179,8,19,Rikers Island.
56744,179,8,19,The artist is serving two consecutive life sentences for aggravated homicide.
56745,179,8,19,I'm willing to go as high as six cartons of cigarettes and a jug of toilet wine.
56746,179,8,19,"Is it a strain, feeling like a single dad at times?"
56747,179,8,19,"Sure, but Lily's been busting her butt at this new job."
56748,179,8,19,It's not like she's been out there partying. (door opens)
56749,179,8,19,"Man, I'm 'faced."
56750,179,8,19,"I ate a ton of caviar, but it soaked up none of the champagne."
56751,179,8,19,"Mondays, right? LILY: Yeah."
56752,179,8,19,When did you get glasses?
56753,179,8,19,(laughing): Oh... you mean my glare reduction lunettes.
56754,179,8,19,Yeah. They help me discern genius from pretentious crap.
56755,179,8,19,Too bad you weren't wearing those glasses when you bought those glasses.
56756,179,8,19,"Well, listen, baby, I-I'm just happy to see you."
56757,179,8,19,"And if you're not too tired, maybe we could watch"
56758,179,8,19,Woodworthy Manor tonight.
56759,179,8,19,I'd love to.
56760,179,8,19,Great! Because I've come up with a fun little game.
56761,179,8,19,I made figgy pudding and I put it in shot glasses.
56762,179,8,19,"And every time they say,"
56763,179,8,19,"(British accent): ""The dowager will be less than pleased,"""
56764,179,8,19,you have to...
56765,179,8,19,(phone rings)
56766,179,8,19,Oh.
56767,179,8,19,Ugh...
56768,179,8,19,Ahoy.
56769,179,8,19,A seven-foot-tall cross-dressing Cambodian is throwing glitter and fish guts at a billboard on the B.Q.E.
56770,179,8,19,So he's some sort of conceptual painter?
56771,179,8,19,"No, no, just a crazy person on the local news."
56772,179,8,19,I thought you might have a laugh.
56773,179,8,19,"You're off the clock, relax."
56774,179,8,19,I must own it.
56775,179,8,19,"Aye, aye, Cap'n."
56776,179,8,19,"Hey, did you find a Realtor to sell this place yet?"
56777,179,8,19,"Robin, a Realtor's just gonna give it to the highest bidder."
56778,179,8,19,I need this place to go to someone worthy.
56779,179,8,19,And I've made some inquiries.
56780,179,8,19,"(gentle, majestic music plays)"
56781,179,8,19,Barney?
56782,179,8,19,(booming voice): My son.
56783,179,8,19,"Barney, enough with the floating Jor-El head from the Fortress of Solitude in"
56784,179,8,19,"Superman, okay?"
56785,179,8,19,It's getting old.
56786,179,8,19,I only use it to say really important stuff.
56787,179,8,19,"Last time you used it to tell me Wendy's had introduced a spicy version of ""The Baconator."""
56788,179,8,19,Exactly.
56789,179,8,19,"And now, my son... it is time for me to bestow on you..."
56790,179,8,19,Can we just talk face-to-face like normal people?
56791,179,8,19,"Ted, just... just... okay?"
56792,179,8,19,"My son, it is time for me to bestow on you..."
56793,179,8,19,Close the door.
56794,179,8,19,No. This is...
56795,179,8,19,"Oh, my God, can you just be cool?"
56796,179,8,19,Once? Please?
56797,179,8,19,Just once?
56798,179,8,19,Can you just once be cool?
56799,179,8,19,Once?
56800,179,8,19,Please?
56801,179,8,19,My son... for many years this apartment has been my Fortress of Barnitude.
56802,179,8,19,But now the time has come for me to pass it on.
56803,179,8,19,"Soon, this place will become your ""Fortress of Soli-Ted."""
56804,179,8,19,"Barney, I wouldn't live here even if you scrubbed every inch of this place with Purell, amoxicillin and holy water."
56805,179,8,19,(sighs)
56806,179,8,19,Fine.
56807,179,8,19,"But I think we can both agree, it would be totally awesome to see my deal floating around all huge-like on the big Jor-El cam."
56808,179,8,19,Hold on.
56809,179,8,19,(unzips)
56810,179,8,19,"Now, it's a little cold here in the Fortress, so don't judge..."
56811,179,8,19,"Barney: Ted, wait."
56812,179,8,19,What did you...
56813,179,8,19,"That's... okay, that's not funny."
56814,179,8,19,"Ted, open the..."
56815,179,8,19,Uh... walls closing in.
56816,179,8,19,I can't... can't breathe.
56817,179,8,19,(gasps)
56818,179,8,19,Must... show deal... on Jor-El cam...
56819,179,8,19,I... (gasps)
56820,179,8,19,(thud)
56821,179,8,19,"Oh, well, guess I'm keeping this place forever, good night."
56822,179,8,19,"Wait a... wait a minute, that's it?"
56823,179,8,19,"Ted wasn't interested in buying your apartment, so you just gave up?"
56824,179,8,19,"Barney, I gave up my beautiful two-bedroom apartment on the Upper West Side that was rent-free and the landlord hand-washed all my delicates."
56825,179,8,19,Which is probably why it was rent-free.
56826,179,8,19,"The point is, I need to buy all new underwear, and you agreed that we would find a new place together."
56827,179,8,19,"Oh, God, Barney, relationships are about trust and compromise."
56828,179,8,19,You can't just...
56829,179,8,19,"Oh, you are so dead."
56830,179,8,19,"If I ever figure a way out of here, I will make your life a living..."
56831,179,8,19,Lily and I really need this night out.
56832,179,8,19,A big fancy dinner and the ballet.
56833,179,8,19,Thank you so much for babysitting.
56834,179,8,19,"Hey, three bucks an hour, thank you."
56835,179,8,19,(phone rings)
56836,179,8,19,"Oh, hey, baby."
56837,179,8,19,"Yeah, I'm just on my way out."
56838,179,8,19,If you get there before...
56839,179,8,19,"Come on, really?"
56840,179,8,19,I'll see you later.
56841,179,8,19,Captain?
56842,179,8,19,"I'm sorry, dude. But, hey, look at it this way: now you don't have to go to the ballet."
56843,179,8,19,"Get your head out of your ass, Ted."
56844,179,8,19,There was no ballet.
56845,179,8,19,We were gonna sneak into your apartment and bang.
56846,179,8,19,"Well, you know what might take both our minds off that?"
56847,179,8,19,"A little, uh..."
56848,179,8,19,(clears throat)
56849,179,8,19,(whispering): Woodworthy Manor.
56850,179,8,19,"No, I-I-I can't."
56851,179,8,19,I-I promised Lily that I would wait and watch it with her.
56852,179,8,19,And I feel like I'd be cheating on her.
56853,179,8,19,"Sure, sure, sure, sure, I get all that."
56854,179,8,19,"It's just, um..."
56855,179,8,19,"You know, tonight they're gonna finally reveal who framed the chimney sweep for stealing Lord Stoutshire's gooseberries."
56856,179,8,19,And reveal the winner of the local gardening competition.
56857,179,8,19,I don't know how they're going to pack all that action into one episode.
56858,179,8,19,(groans softly)
56859,179,8,19,(concerto plays)
56860,179,8,19,Oops.
56861,179,8,19,"No, Ted, you know I promised Lily, I... Shh, shh, shh."
56862,179,8,19,Just let it happen.
56863,179,8,19,
56864,179,8,19,"Narrator: Later that week, Barney came home to discover that Robin had a little surprise waiting for him."
56865,179,8,19,Wha...?
56866,179,8,19,Mimosas? Mm-hmm.
56867,179,8,19,(sniffs)
56868,179,8,19,Freshly-baked cookie smell?
56869,179,8,19,A middle-aged woman in a red blazer?
56870,179,8,19,I see what this is.
56871,179,8,19,You finally green-lit my orgy idea!
56872,179,8,19,Okay.
56873,179,8,19,"It's an open house, Barney."
56874,179,8,19,Say good-bye to your fortress.
56875,179,8,19,"If we weren't about to have an orgy, I'd be so mad at you right now."
56876,179,8,19,"If you'll follow me into the bedroom, I'll show you some beautiful woodwork."
56877,179,8,19,I am way too upset right now to point out how many women have seen some beautiful woodwork in there.
56878,179,8,19,Angry self five!
56879,179,8,19,Rah!
56880,179,8,19,"Robin, I did not agree to this."
56881,179,8,19,"Yes, you did."
56882,179,8,19,That is why I gave up my apartment.
56883,179,8,19,Not so I could live in a disease-riddled bang pad haunted by the ghosts of your ex-skanks.
56884,179,8,19,The bathrooms are Italian marble.
56885,179,8,19,"(British accent): Hello, old bean."
56886,179,8,19,"Jolly good evening, isn't it?"
56887,179,8,19,What are you doing here?
56888,179,8,19,And why do you sound like Madonna?
56889,179,8,19,"Uh, Robin asked us all to come here and pretend that we are prospective buyers who love this apartment."
56890,179,8,19,"Ted: And inspired by a character on Woodworthy Manor,"
56891,179,8,19,"I've decided to play Emsbry Postlethwaite, a handsome cricket player who secretly hates his life."
56892,179,8,19,You don't have to be a cricket player.
56893,179,8,19,Tell that to Emsbry's father.
56894,179,8,19,Sorry!
56895,179,8,19,Oh...
56896,179,8,19,I was checking out some mole people's graffiti art and my cape got caught on the F train.
56897,179,8,19,Oh.
56898,179,8,19,Bisou bisou.
56899,179,8,19,"Oh, what a cute baby."
56900,179,8,19,What's his name?
56901,179,8,19,(British accent): Marvin.
56902,179,8,19,For my father.
56903,179,8,19,"Oh, that's so sweet."
56904,179,8,19,Have you two been looking at a lot of places in this neighborhood?
56905,179,8,19,"Oh, actually they're not..."
56906,179,8,19,"Yes, we have."
56907,179,8,19,What?
56908,179,8,19,My husband Emsbry and I just love this area.
56909,179,8,19,I'm a cricket player who secretly hates his life.
56910,179,8,19,(laughs)
56911,179,8,19,What are you doing?
56912,179,8,19,"Well, you were late yet again, and so I'm gonna do this little scene study with Ted."
56913,179,8,19,Why? Because he's there for me.
56914,179,8,19,Pretending you're married?
56915,179,8,19,"That's going a little far to prove your point, isn't it?"
56916,179,8,19,"Excuse me, but I think it's offensive to suggest the only reason gay people get married is to prove a point."
56917,179,8,19,"No, no, no, no, no."
56918,179,8,19,I didn't... that's not what I...
56919,179,8,19,"Thank you, sister--"
56920,179,8,19,somebody needs to get this lady's mind a rearview mirror because she is thinking in reverse. Mm-hmm.
56921,179,8,19,Hate is a four-letter word.
56922,179,8,19,I didn't... I voted for...
56923,179,8,19,"Oh, is this part of a security system?"
56924,179,8,19,Sort of.
56925,179,8,19,It's connected to the welcome mat. You see...
56926,179,8,19,Let's say the young lady you're bringing home is dressed for winter.
56927,179,8,19,"Under those layers, an unwelcome surprise could await you."
56928,179,8,19,The scale with body fat calculator I've hidden under the welcome mat makes sure you never have banger's remorse.
56929,179,8,19,The Heavy Set Go
56930,179,8,19,"by Stinson, patent pending."
56931,179,8,19,'Cause there's only one kind of chubby you want in the bedroom.
56932,179,8,19,"Am I right, people? (laughs)"
56933,179,8,19,This guy knows what I'm talking about.
56934,179,8,19,"I don't want to tell you and Emsbry how to raise your child, but I think if you keep letting him nap, he's gonna be up all night."
56935,179,8,19,"Funny, you sound like someone who's been around for his bedtime lately."
56936,179,8,19,"Uh, can somebody get this lady a storefront 'cause she needs to mind her own business, mm-kay?"
56937,179,8,19,(other clapping)
56938,179,8,19,Would you stop it?
56939,179,8,19,"(British accent): Oh, right, right, because it's a choice."
56940,179,8,19,Robin: You know what's not a choice?
56941,179,8,19,Being gay for this kitchen.
56942,179,8,19,That came out wrong--
56943,179,8,19,"the point is, let's focus on this awesome apartment."
56944,179,8,19,You're right. (gasps)
56945,179,8,19,Look at that fabulous plasma television.
56946,179,8,19,"My ex-husband, who never supported my career, would love to watch the Vikings never win a Super Bowl in franchise history on that thing."
56947,179,8,19,How dare you. Don't let her push your buttons.
56948,179,8,19,Right.
56949,179,8,19,I don't care about football.
56950,179,8,19,I'm more of a...
56951,179,8,19,Woodworthy Manor fan.
56952,179,8,19,I very much enjoyed watching it the other night.
56953,179,8,19,(gasps)
56954,179,8,19,With Emsbry.
56955,179,8,19,"Oh, you didn't."
56956,179,8,19,"Yeah, oh, yeah."
56957,179,8,19,I know who deliberately overwatered Lady Chillsbury's prize-winning roses.
56958,179,8,19,"They have been building to that reveal all season, Marshall, don't you tell me..."
56959,179,8,19,It was Parson Smallsby.
56960,179,8,19,(groans)
56961,179,8,19,"Wow, great view."
56962,179,8,19,And customizable.
56963,179,8,19,Let's say you promised a girl a surprise trip to the most romantic place on Earth.
56964,179,8,19,No peeking.
56965,179,8,19,"Wow, we must've gone far."
56966,179,8,19,"We were on your private jet for, like, six hours."
56967,179,8,19,"Well, You definitely weren't on a bus to Delaware and back wearing earplugs, I'll tell you that much."
56968,179,8,19,And I think you'll agree it was worth the wait once you see the view.
56969,179,8,19,Et voila ma chérie.
56970,179,8,19,"Oh, my God."
56971,179,8,19,You flew me to Vegas?
56972,179,8,19,"It's, um... it's Par..."
56973,179,8,19,"Well, hey, whatever works, whatever..."
56974,179,8,19,The Room With a Screw
56975,179,8,19,"by Stinson, patent pending."
56976,179,8,19,I know what you're trying to do.
56977,179,8,19,You're trying to drive people away.
56978,179,8,19,"No, I'm not--"
56979,179,8,19,I'm just trying to show off all of its one-of-a-kind features.
56980,179,8,19,"See, see, there's also, uh, Venice."
56981,179,8,19,"Niagara Falls, African safari."
56982,179,8,19,Oh... and my favorite...
56983,179,8,19,Huh?
56984,179,8,19,"Nothing gets a girl to go from ""on the fenc"""""
56985,179,8,19,"to ""on all fours"" faster than thinking everyone she's ever held dear is a glowing pile of ash."
56986,179,8,19,Mushroom cloud five.
56987,179,8,19,(imitates explosion)
56988,179,8,19,I love you accent.
56989,179,8,19,Thank you.
56990,179,8,19,I practiced it all morning.
56991,179,8,19,(laughs)
56992,179,8,19,You are adorable.
56993,179,8,19,Well...
56994,179,8,19,That Marshall's a lucky man.
56995,179,8,19,"Well, aren't you ducky?"
56996,179,8,19,"Seriously if you were straight, I'd be all over you."
56997,179,8,19,Huh.
56998,179,8,19,What's this?
56999,179,8,19,"Oh, God."
57000,179,8,19,Only the best thing ever.
57001,179,8,19,"Let's say you had a wonderful night with a girl, but now she's turning into a bit of a morning-after pill."
57002,179,8,19,See? We need to extend the chute and add a landing spot.
57003,179,8,19,And you said testing it with a dummy was a waste of time.
57004,179,8,19,"No, I said ""dressing the dummy"" was a waste of time."
57005,179,8,19,"The Escape From Bitch Mountain by Stinson, patent pending. Okay."
57006,179,8,19,"He's kidding, it's just, you know, in case of fire."
57007,179,8,19,"No, but I'm glad you mentioned fire."
57008,179,8,19,See those smoke detectors?
57009,179,8,19,Say these words.
57010,179,8,19,"""I'm looking for a deeper commitment."""
57011,179,8,19,(alarm ringing)
57012,179,8,19,"It's also triggered by ""I'm too tired,"" ""Let's snuggle,"""
57013,179,8,19,"and ""I'm a week late."""
57014,179,8,19,"Barney, I'm getting wet."
57015,179,8,19,And that turns it off.
57016,179,8,19,"Look, just stop talking."
57017,179,8,19,We've made up our minds.
57018,179,8,19,"Oh, well, thanks for taking a look."
57019,179,8,19,I'll walk you out.
57020,179,8,19,We'll take it.
57021,179,8,19,(Robin gasps)
57022,179,8,19,"If you never get a black light, you'll be so happy here."
57023,179,8,19,(screams happily)
57024,179,8,19,"Yes, yes!"
57025,179,8,19,"Yes, yes."
57026,179,8,19,(whoops)
57027,179,8,19,"(gentle, majestic music plays)"
57028,179,8,19,Trouble in paradise?
57029,179,8,19,We have a child together.
57030,179,8,19,(alarm ringing)
57031,179,8,19,I can't believe you watched
57032,179,8,19,Woodworthy Manor without me.
57033,179,8,19,I can't believe that you're mad at me.
57034,179,8,19,I've been abandoned by my wife and my gay companion.
57035,179,8,19,"If I get blinded in one eye by a badminton shuttlecock, you might as well call me Lord Esterbrooke."
57036,179,8,19,(both gasp)
57037,179,8,19,You watched the new one without me?
57038,179,8,19,"Betrayal stings, doesn't it, Emsbry?"
57039,179,8,19,Hey.
57040,179,8,19,Hey. Listen.
57041,179,8,19,"I... No, me first."
57042,179,8,19,I've been thinking and I realized something.
57043,179,8,19,The Fortress of Solitude is where Superman went to be alone.
57044,179,8,19,And I never want to be alone again.
57045,179,8,19,"Thank you, Barney, that really..."
57046,179,8,19,"But then I remembered in Superman II,"
57047,179,8,19,"Superman gave up all his powers to be with Lois Lane, and he was honestly kind of a vag after that."
57048,179,8,19,"Oh, buddy, just quit while..."
57049,179,8,19,"Now, Superman III was a complete train wreck totally."
57050,179,8,19,What's your point?
57051,179,8,19,That... that I love you.
57052,179,8,19,And...
57053,179,8,19,I'm giving up my apartment for you.
57054,179,8,19,And that the Superman films are uneven.
57055,179,8,19,"I really appreciate that, Barney, but..."
57056,179,8,19,after you left...
57057,179,8,19,Congrats. You guys are getting a fantastic apartment.
57058,179,8,19,"I mean, I know some of the features are a little weird."
57059,179,8,19,A little?
57060,179,8,19,We're gonna rip this thing down to the studs.
57061,179,8,19,I get it.
57062,179,8,19,"But, I mean, some things might be worth saving."
57063,179,8,19,I don't see any. No.
57064,179,8,19,You don't see any?
57065,179,8,19,"Sure some of the stuff in here is creepy, but it's also brilliant."
57066,179,8,19,"I mean, a lot of geniuses were kind of pervy."
57067,179,8,19,Look at Thomas Edison--
57068,179,8,19,why do you think that lightbulbs are boob-shaped?
57069,179,8,19,"Yeah, we're taking a wrecking ball to this place and turning it into something actually fit for humans."
57070,179,8,19,(laughs)
57071,179,8,19,Excuse me.
57072,179,8,19,"(talking low, indistinctly)"
57073,179,8,19,(door closes)
57074,179,8,19,(booming voice): Get out!
57075,179,8,19,The Fortress of Barnitude is no longer for sale.
57076,179,8,19,Also your husband has been staring at my ass all afternoon so don't act all high-and-mighty.
57077,179,8,19,You turned them down?
57078,179,8,19,"Yeah. If I ask you to change too many things about yourself, you're not gonna be the man I fell in love with."
57079,179,8,19,"Turns out, I accept and appreciate even the grossest, creepiest, most sociopathic parts of you."
57080,179,8,19,(laughs)
57081,179,8,19,Sounds like somebody just wrote her vows.
57082,179,8,19,(quiet laugh)
57083,179,8,19,Mm.
57084,179,8,19,(phone rings)
57085,179,8,19,It's the Captain.
57086,179,8,19,Ahoy.
57087,179,8,19,There's a zebra at the Central Park Zoo who's got quite a keen hoof at photography.
57088,179,8,19,"Ironically, he's great with color. Now..."
57089,179,8,19,"Captain, I'll check it out, just not tonight."
57090,179,8,19,I need to spend some time with my husband.
57091,179,8,19,You sure?
57092,179,8,19,"I know it's been tough, me working this much, and I guess I went a little overboard with the whole artsy thing."
57093,179,8,19,(laughing): I know.
57094,179,8,19,The cape.
57095,179,8,19,What about my cape?
57096,179,8,19,I love it.
57097,179,8,19,And I...
57098,179,8,19,I know that you love this job.
57099,179,8,19,I should be more supportive--
57100,179,8,19,I just miss you.
57101,179,8,19,"I miss you, too."
57102,179,8,19,"Hey, guys."
57103,179,8,19,Hey. Hey.
57104,179,8,19,You guys are all so lucky.
57105,179,8,19,When am I gonna find something real?
57106,179,8,19,"Well, Emsbry, ready to see what it's like to be with a woman?"
57107,179,8,19,(British accent): I suppose there's a first time for everything.
57108,179,8,19,Go ahead. My son.
57109,179,8,19,(majestic theme playing)
57110,179,8,19,Okay.
57111,179,8,19,"Yeah, all right."
57112,179,8,19,Are you guys sure we're gonna like this Woodworthy Manor show?
57113,179,8,19,"Yeah, it sounds kind of boring."
57114,179,8,19,(gasping)
57115,179,8,19,Kind of boring?
57116,179,8,19,"Grab a seat guys, but trust me, you're only gonna need the edge."
57117,179,8,19,(concerto plays)
57118,179,8,19,"Ah-ha, all right, now, a little backstory."
57119,179,8,19,Lady Stoutshire has developed a serious case of croquet ankle and the cook Mrs. Bootbrush can't find enough chestnuts for a proper St. Crispin's Day goose.
57120,179,8,19,Let's watch.
57121,179,8,19,I love you.
57122,179,8,19,My wrist is broken.
57123,180,8,20,"Narrator: Kids, in April of 2013, your mother and I were very close and yet very far apart."
57124,180,8,20,I was living on West 82nd Street.
57125,180,8,20,She was up on West 115th.
57126,180,8,20,She was getting a degree in economics.
57127,180,8,20,I was teaching architecture.
57128,180,8,20,I was always at MacLaren's.
57129,180,8,20,She was always... not spending all her time in a bar.
57130,180,8,20,She was dating some finance guy named Louis.
57131,180,8,20,And I...
57132,180,8,20,I was alone.
57133,180,8,20,"Ted, get ready to be surrounded by half-naked, grease-covered bodies."
57134,180,8,20,"And by grease, I mean motor grease."
57135,180,8,20,We're going to
57136,180,8,20,Robots vs. Wrestlers!
57137,180,8,20,"Narrator: Kids, you remember"
57138,180,8,20,Robots vs. Wrestlers.
57139,180,8,20,Forget everything you remember about Robots vs. Wrestlers.
57140,180,8,20,"This is Robots vs. Wrestlers: ""Legends."""
57141,180,8,20,Elderly wrestlers fighting old-timey robots in a wheelchair-accessible wrestling ring.
57142,180,8,20,Why are we still sitting here?
57143,180,8,20,I got a big lecture tomorrow.
57144,180,8,20,Think I'm gonna take it easy tonight.
57145,180,8,20,"Ted, trust me,"
57146,180,8,20,"20 years from now, you'll be glad you saw"
57147,180,8,20,Robots vs. Wrestlers: Legends.
57148,180,8,20,I can't imagine a world where that's possible.
57149,180,8,20,I'm serious.
57150,180,8,20,"20 years from now, when my 26-year-old third wife asks me about this..."
57151,180,8,20,You make a lot of those jokes.
57152,180,8,20,"I'm gonna say, ""Yeah, it was awesome, but you know the funny thing?"
57153,180,8,20,"Ted almost didn't go."" Hmm."
57154,180,8,20,"""But thank God he did, because it was a great night."""
57155,180,8,20,"And then she and I will adjourn to the Jacuzzi, where my fourth wife will be waiting for us, already warming herself up on the jets."
57156,180,8,20,"Oh, Robin's here--"
57157,180,8,20,I'll tell you the rest later.
57158,180,8,20,"Please do, that story could go anywhere."
57159,180,8,20,Mwah.
57160,180,8,20,"Hey, hello. Hey."
57161,180,8,20,Here we are at the bar once more.
57162,180,8,20,"""What will I have to drink?"" you ask."
57163,180,8,20,Hmm.
57164,180,8,20,Minnesota Tidal Wave.
57165,180,8,20,"""What's that?"" you ask."
57166,180,8,20,Only the best cocktail ever.
57167,180,8,20,"""Who invented it?"" you ask."
57168,180,8,20,Me.
57169,180,8,20,And it's not a girly drink.
57170,180,8,20,"Lily, why would you even say that?"
57171,180,8,20,(scoffing): Girly drink.
57172,180,8,20,"Hey, I am the least girly girl on Earth, and I love the Minnesota Tidal Wave."
57173,180,8,20,"Thank you, Robin."
57174,180,8,20,"Matter of fact, I'm going to go order one right now with my head held high."
57175,180,8,20,Lily.
57176,180,8,20,You want me to order it for you?
57177,180,8,20,"Yes, please, thank you, baby."
57178,180,8,20,"Ted, let me tell you the secret to life."
57179,180,8,20,Hmm.
57180,180,8,20,"Every time I make a decision about what to do on a given night, I ask myself, ""What would make the best memory"
57181,180,8,20,"20 years from now?"""
57182,180,8,20,So I let 20-Years-From-Now-
57183,180,8,20,Barney call the shots.
57184,180,8,20,And it always works out.
57185,180,8,20,And 20-Years-From-Now-Barney thinks we should go to Robots vs. Wrestlers?
57186,180,8,20,I don't know.
57187,180,8,20,Let's ask him.
57188,180,8,20,"Close your eyes, Ted."
57189,180,8,20,(sighs)
57190,180,8,20,"Okay, now open them."
57191,180,8,20,"Barney, I swear to God, if I open my eyes and your bare ass is an inch away from my face again..."
57192,180,8,20,Just open your eyes.
57193,180,8,20,(whooshing)
57194,180,8,20,"Ted, I'd like you to meet"
57195,180,8,20,20-Years-From-Now-Barney.
57196,180,8,20,"20-Years-From-Now-Barney, you remember Ted."
57197,180,8,20,'Sup?
57198,180,8,20,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x20 ♪
57199,180,8,20,The Time Travelers
57200,180,8,20,"Original Air Date on March 25, 2013"
57201,180,8,20,"Hey, Ted."
57202,180,8,20,What's this I hear-slash-remember about you not wanting to see Robots vs. Wrestlers?
57203,180,8,20,"Yeah, it's just that I don't want to see it."
57204,180,8,20,You don't... I know.
57205,180,8,20,He doesn't... I know.
57206,180,8,20,(stammering)
57207,180,8,20,"Ted, trust us, it's gonna be legend--"
57208,180,8,20,wait 20 years for it...
57209,180,8,20,...dary!
57210,180,8,20,Legendary! Legendary!
57211,180,8,20,"Okay, uh, I'm gonna go home."
57212,180,8,20,"No, Ted, look. Come on!"
57213,180,8,20,If you don't believe that
57214,180,8,20,Robots vs. Wrestlers
57215,180,8,20,"is gonna be a life-changing event, maybe you'll believe"
57216,180,8,20,20-Years-From-Now-Ted.
57217,180,8,20,(whooshing)
57218,180,8,20,Whoa.
57219,180,8,20,'Sup?
57220,180,8,20,Wow.
57221,180,8,20,"Wow, so many things all at once."
57222,180,8,20,But most importantly...
57223,180,8,20,I don't go bald?
57224,180,8,20,Nope.
57225,180,8,20,And neither do I.
57226,180,8,20,Eeh...
57227,180,8,20,"Ted, listen to me."
57228,180,8,20,"You, listen to you."
57229,180,8,20,Me.
57230,180,8,20,You got to go to Robots vs. Wrestlers: Legends.
57231,180,8,20,"Trust me, you will regret it if you don't."
57232,180,8,20,"So, what, do I go bald or something?"
57233,180,8,20,Is that a toupee?
57234,180,8,20,"Ted, scalp check! Can't Robin do this?"
57235,180,8,20,"Come on, you've been doing it for years."
57236,180,8,20,You know the frame of reference.
57237,180,8,20,Scalp check!
57238,180,8,20,"Hmm, that's odd."
57239,180,8,20,Little early in the week for scalp check.
57240,180,8,20,"Five tablespoons of sugar, a whisper of vanilla vodka and you're done."
57241,180,8,20,(fake coughs): Maraschino cherries.
57242,180,8,20,"Oh, and a handful of maraschino cherries on top."
57243,180,8,20,"Wait, you're ordering a Robin Scherbatsky."
57244,180,8,20,Why didn't you just say that?
57245,180,8,20,(chuckles)
57246,180,8,20,"One second there, barkeep."
57247,180,8,20,"Unless I'm mistaken, the drink this lady just ordered is called the Minnesota Tidal Wave."
57248,180,8,20,Origin unknown.
57249,180,8,20,"Oh, well, you know, Robin's been ordering them so much lately that we named it after her."
57250,180,8,20,You named a drink after me?
57251,180,8,20,Right there in the menu.
57252,180,8,20,Congrats.
57253,180,8,20,I can't drink this.
57254,180,8,20,That's better.
57255,180,8,20,"I'm still seething, but that's better."
57256,180,8,20,(mouthing)
57257,180,8,20,"Okay,"
57258,180,8,20,"20-Years-From-Now-Me, level with me."
57259,180,8,20,You. Us.
57260,180,8,20,Is Robots vs. Wrestlers worth it?
57261,180,8,20,It was the single greatest night of my life.
57262,180,8,20,Even greater than your wedding?
57263,180,8,20,"Well, I mean, when I get married, that'll be the greatest night of my life."
57264,180,8,20,But who knows when that's going to happen?
57265,180,8,20,"Oh, my God, you still haven't..."
57266,180,8,20,"Man, I hope I meet her soon."
57267,180,8,20,"Oh, God, what is wrong with me?!"
57268,180,8,20,(laughing): I'm sorry!
57269,180,8,20,I'm just messing with you!
57270,180,8,20,"Now, come on, are we going or what?"
57271,180,8,20,"Fine, let's go."
57272,180,8,20,Yeah!
57273,180,8,20,Not so fast.
57274,180,8,20,"Barney, Ted,"
57275,180,8,20,"20-Years-From-Now-Barney,"
57276,180,8,20,20-Years-From-Now-Ted.
57277,180,8,20,Who are you?
57278,180,8,20,I'm 20-Hours-From-Now-Ted.
57279,180,8,20,And you bastards aren't going anywhere.
57280,180,8,20,"So, you're the Ted from 20 hours from now?"
57281,180,8,20,Shh.
57282,180,8,20,Just... shh.
57283,180,8,20,You okay?
57284,180,8,20,"No, I'm not okay."
57285,180,8,20,This dummy's about to go to Robots vs. Wrestlers--
57286,180,8,20,"and yes, it'll be awesome..."
57287,180,8,20,See?
57288,180,8,20,...at first.
57289,180,8,20,"But then you're gonna drink way too much, hence the headache."
57290,180,8,20,"Then you're gonna jump into the ring and sprain your wrist, hence the splint."
57291,180,8,20,"And then afterwards, you're gonna smoke half a pack of cigarettes, hence the..."
57292,180,8,20,(coughing)
57293,180,8,20,"Well, that's the sound a good time."
57294,180,8,20,"And 20 hours from now, when you're me, you're gonna want to come back here, right to this very spot, right now, and smack yourself upside the head."
57295,180,8,20,"Yeah, but obviously I wouldn't do that 'cause I'd only be smacking myself--"
57296,180,8,20,Ow!
57297,180,8,20,"Don't do this to me, Ted. Don't do this to us."
57298,180,8,20,"Don't listen to yourself, Present-Day-Ted."
57299,180,8,20,It's a day of pain for a lifetime of memories.
57300,180,8,20,"20-Hours-From-Now-Me, just tell me one thing: do I hurl?"
57301,180,8,20,"Yeah, kid."
57302,180,8,20,You hurl.
57303,180,8,20,A lot?
57304,180,8,20,Remember when Mom bought the beef from the Price Club?
57305,180,8,20,"Okay, how about this: we go to"
57306,180,8,20,"Robots vs. Wrestlers,"
57307,180,8,20,but I don't drink too much?
57308,180,8,20,Interesting.
57309,180,8,20,I'm good with that.
57310,180,8,20,"No, forget it."
57311,180,8,20,"If Ted doesn't get wasted, there's no way he'll end up making out with that surprisingly realistic-looking female robot."
57312,180,8,20,"Wait, I kiss a female robot?"
57313,180,8,20,"Oh, you do a lot more than that."
57314,180,8,20,"Now, look, nobody is saying you need alcohol to have an exciting and memorable night."
57315,180,8,20,(all agreeing) Absolutely not. Absolutely not.
57316,180,8,20,"But in this case, yeah, you kind of have to be wasted."
57317,180,8,20,"(all agreeing, overlapping chatter)"
57318,180,8,20,You drink beers in cans still.
57319,180,8,20,It makes the robot scarier.
57320,180,8,20,They named my drink after her.
57321,180,8,20,The Minnesota Tidal Wave.
57322,180,8,20,It's my usual.
57323,180,8,20,Immaterial!
57324,180,8,20,"If it's gonna be named after anybody, it should be called The Marshall Eriksen."
57325,180,8,20,"Sorry, it's The Robin Scherbatsky."
57326,180,8,20,Read it and weep.
57327,180,8,20,"Oh, so you're gonna Zuckerberg me?"
57328,180,8,20,That it?
57329,180,8,20,You're Zuckerberging me?
57330,180,8,20,That's fine.
57331,180,8,20,I'll see you in court.
57332,180,8,20,Little court known as the dance floor.
57333,180,8,20,Dance-off. Now.
57334,180,8,20,"No, no dancing."
57335,180,8,20,"Marshall, we've been through this."
57336,180,8,20,The doctor said your dancer's hip is worse than ever.
57337,180,8,20,You have to lay off dancing for a while.
57338,180,8,20,"You're killing me, Lily!"
57339,180,8,20,You're killing me!
57340,180,8,20,I'm an adult.
57341,180,8,20,You have to let me dance my own battles.
57342,180,8,20,"Marshall, there's not gonna be a dance-off because the name is staying."
57343,180,8,20,"Period, end of story."
57344,180,8,20,I just like having my name on something.
57345,180,8,20,"Oh, you do?"
57346,180,8,20,"Oh, that's great, Robin."
57347,180,8,20,Then that's what you will get.
57348,180,8,20,That's... what you... will get.
57349,180,8,20,"Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm."
57350,180,8,20,"Oh, hey, Robin."
57351,180,8,20,"You here ""for a good time""?"
57352,180,8,20,(whispers): Classic.
57353,180,8,20,Did you write my number in the men's room?
57354,180,8,20,It... (scoffs)
57355,180,8,20,"Well, I don't know."
57356,180,8,20,"I guess you'll never know unless you go in there, which I highly doubt that..."
57357,180,8,20,There she goes.
57358,180,8,20,"Okay, boys."
57359,180,8,20,Close your eyes and zip your flies.
57360,180,8,20,Hi. Don't mind me.
57361,180,8,20,I don't think you should have done that.
57362,180,8,20,"Lily, I know what I'm doing, all right?"
57363,180,8,20,I'm a lawyer.
57364,180,8,20,I've thought about every possible scenario.
57365,180,8,20,I'm ten steps ahead of...
57366,180,8,20,Where's she going?
57367,180,8,20,Probably into the ladies' room to write something on the wall about you.
57368,180,8,20,Nobody writes things on the walls of the ladies' room.
57369,180,8,20,Have you been in the ladies' room?
57370,180,8,20,Of course not.
57371,180,8,20,"Lily, I know that I have the sexual charisma of a bad boy, but I certainly don't have the manners of one."
57372,180,8,20,What'd you write in there?
57373,180,8,20,Why don't you go in and look?
57374,180,8,20,"You know I can't do that, Robin."
57375,180,8,20,"Lily, can you go look?"
57376,180,8,20,"Oh, I thought you wanted to dance your own battles."
57377,180,8,20,"Ladies, put your blouses back on!"
57378,180,8,20,I'm coming in!
57379,180,8,20,
57380,180,8,20,"Robin: Dear Marshall, I know this is a strange way to apologize, but I'm sorry I let Carl name your drink after me."
57381,180,8,20,Why didn't I say something?
57382,180,8,20,"Gosh, I guess that goes back to my childhood."
57383,180,8,20,"Okay, guys."
57384,180,8,20,Let's go to
57385,180,8,20,Robots vs. Wrestlers.
57386,180,8,20,Huzzah! Now you're talking!
57387,180,8,20,Here we go.
57388,180,8,20,"Nope, sit down."
57389,180,8,20,Everybody sit down.
57390,180,8,20,"Okay, who are you?"
57391,180,8,20,"Hello, Ted, Barney,"
57392,180,8,20,"20-Hours-From-Now-Ted,"
57393,180,8,20,"20-Years-From-Now-Ted,"
57394,180,8,20,20-Years-From-Now-Barney.
57395,180,8,20,"Hey, how's it going?"
57396,180,8,20,Allow me to introduce myself.
57397,180,8,20,"I'm 20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney, and I have got something very important to..."
57398,180,8,20,(Barney scoffs)
57399,180,8,20,"What's the stain on your shirt, bro?"
57400,180,8,20,"Please, please, I really do have something very important to..."
57401,180,8,20,(Barney laughs mockingly)
57402,180,8,20,You look stupid.
57403,180,8,20,Here's your spaghetti.
57404,180,8,20,And be careful...
57405,180,8,20,...with the meatball.
57406,180,8,20,Robin: And that's the only time my father ever said he was proud of me.
57407,180,8,20,Maybe that's why I stole credit for your drink.
57408,180,8,20,Maybe that's why I needed to pour my heart out like this.
57409,180,8,20,"Or, maybe I wrote this so you'd be in here long enough for a lady to walk in, causing you to freak out and hide in the stall."
57410,180,8,20,(door opens)
57411,180,8,20,"So, you got a text message? Yeah."
57412,180,8,20,Whoa.
57413,180,8,20,Try to get some in your mouth next time.
57414,180,8,20,"20-MINUTES-FROM-NOW-BARNEY: Okay, everybody, listen up."
57415,180,8,20,"When I walked in here, I was 20-Minutes-"
57416,180,8,20,From-Now-Barney.
57417,180,8,20,But that was 19 minutes and some serious acid reflux--
57418,180,8,20,who orders spaghetti at an Irish bar?-- ago.
57419,180,8,20,"Now, I'm 20-Seconds-"
57420,180,8,20,"From-Now-Barney, and I'm telling you, watch that door."
57421,180,8,20,Why?
57422,180,8,20,That's why.
57423,180,8,20,"Um, oh."
57424,180,8,20,"In-in, like,"
57425,180,8,20,12 seconds.
57426,180,8,20,Your skin looks great.
57427,180,8,20,Thanks.
57428,180,8,20,And thank you for taking such good care of it.
57429,180,8,20,Shh.
57430,180,8,20,That's why.
57431,180,8,20,Who is that?
57432,180,8,20,All: She's the coat check girl from that dance club we went to seven years ago.
57433,180,8,20,20-YEARS-FROM-NOW-TED: You remember that night.
57434,180,8,20,When Barney grinded with his cousin.
57435,180,8,20,"Oh, man, you remember that"
57436,180,8,20,20 years from now?
57437,180,8,20,He won't let anyone forget.
57438,180,8,20,Ted: Coat check girl.
57439,180,8,20,"I always meant to go back to that club and get her number, but I didn't."
57440,180,8,20,And now she's here?
57441,180,8,20,She's in this bar seven years later?
57442,180,8,20,I-I can't believe this.
57443,180,8,20,"So, wait, do you guys think I should go talk to her?"
57444,180,8,20,"Are you kidding me? Yes, go..."
57445,180,8,20,How many different ways... Idiot.
57446,180,8,20,(high-pitched voice): Hello?
57447,180,8,20,Is anybody out there?
57448,180,8,20,(whispers): Sounds like the coast is clear.
57449,180,8,20,(women screaming)
57450,180,8,20,"No, no, wait!"
57451,180,8,20,"Please, it's not my fault!"
57452,180,8,20,I was tricked!
57453,180,8,20,"Not cool, Marshall."
57454,180,8,20,This is a nice bar.
57455,180,8,20,"Girls come here, they just want to relax with their friends, maybe have a few Robin Scherbatskys, and not have to worry out some guy pulling a Marshall Eriksen in the bathroom."
57456,180,8,20,"No, no, no, I know. I just..."
57457,180,8,20,"Wait a minute, did you just use my name as shorthand for a guy being creepy?"
57458,180,8,20,Yep.
57459,180,8,20,"Well, you know what, Carl?"
57460,180,8,20,I think that you are making a broad and prejudicial assumption.
57461,180,8,20,"So next time I meet a guy who just goes around rushing to judgment, I'm gonna say, ""Hey, that guy's being a real Carl..."""
57462,180,8,20,You don't know my last name.
57463,180,8,20,"You've been drinking here for years, and you don't know my last name."
57464,180,8,20,I will name every drink in this bar after you if you can tell me my last name.
57465,180,8,20,"Well, that just seems confusing."
57466,180,8,20,How will you know what people are ordering?
57467,180,8,20,"What's my last name, Marshall?"
57468,180,8,20,It's Carl...
57469,180,8,20,...'s Junior.
57470,180,8,20,"Okay, wish me luck, everyone."
57471,180,8,20,Break a leg...
57472,180,8,20,(everyone talking at once)
57473,180,8,20,(clears throat)
57474,180,8,20,What the hell?
57475,180,8,20,Do not talk to her.
57476,180,8,20,What-what... Who are you?
57477,180,8,20,We are 20-Months-From-Now-
57478,180,8,20,Coat-Check-Girl.
57479,180,8,20,But there's two of you.
57480,180,8,20,"Right, because if you go over there and you talk to her,"
57481,180,8,20,"20 months from now, it's gonna end in one of two ways."
57482,180,8,20,Either you are gonna get sick of me.
57483,180,8,20,I made you muffins because of your nickname: Muffin.
57484,180,8,20,Or...
57485,180,8,20,I am gonna get sick of you and your stupid habits.
57486,180,8,20,Stop DVR-ing the news. You're never gonna catch up.
57487,180,8,20,"(sobbing): Oh, stop it, you're scaring him off."
57488,180,8,20,"By the way, I'm pregnant."
57489,180,8,20,"No, she's not."
57490,180,8,20,"Okay, no, I'm not, but that made you happy for a second, right?"
57491,180,8,20,"Please shut up. Okay, wait, so you're saying it's doomed completely?"
57492,180,8,20,One of us is just guaranteed to get sick of the other and call it quits?
57493,180,8,20,"You've been dating for a long time, Ted."
57494,180,8,20,Has it ever gone any other way?
57495,180,8,20,(quiet chatter)
57496,180,8,20,Look at this one.
57497,180,8,20,Robin: Thank you so much.
57498,180,8,20,Hey.
57499,180,8,20,"Hey, you look kind of down."
57500,180,8,20,"Have a Robin Scherbatsky, on me."
57501,180,8,20,None of this would have happened if Lily had let me dance.
57502,180,8,20,(sighs)
57503,180,8,20,"Baby, wait."
57504,180,8,20,"God, you're still clinging to that?"
57505,180,8,20,"Marshall, it doesn't matter, 'cause you'd lose anyway, and you know why?"
57506,180,8,20,"'Cause I'm Sparkles, bitch."
57507,180,8,20,"Oh, and you think you can step to me?"
57508,180,8,20,You think you can step up to the streets?
57509,180,8,20,To me?
57510,180,8,20,You think you can step up over me to the streets?
57511,180,8,20,I guess we'll never know because you are not allowed...
57512,180,8,20,"Wait, wait."
57513,180,8,20,(upbeat rap music playing)
57514,180,8,20,That's my jam.
57515,180,8,20,Who's playing my jam?
57516,180,8,20,♪ Like you carry dairy there
57517,180,8,20,♪ Carry dairy there ♪♪ Heinie heinie heinie ho
57518,180,8,20,♪ Heinie heinie heinie ho ♪
57519,180,8,20,♪ Work your derriere
57520,180,8,20,♪ Work your derriere ♪
57521,180,8,20,Dance-off.
57522,180,8,20,You're on.
57523,180,8,20,♪ Work that booty
57524,180,8,20,"♪ Work that booty, work that booty ♪♪ Work that booty"
57525,180,8,20,♪ You got that pretty brown round ♪
57526,180,8,20,♪ Want both hands all on them chocolate mounds ♪♪ Give you my Almond Joy...
57527,180,8,20,Oh.
57528,180,8,20,I think I'm gonna head home.
57529,180,8,20,I understand.
57530,180,8,20,"What, you're not gonna try and stop me?"
57531,180,8,20,And how would I try and stop you?
57532,180,8,20,"I don't know, by telling me life is short, and if you ever come across a beautiful, exciting, crazy moment in it, you got to seize it while you can before that moment's gone?"
57533,180,8,20,"Ted, this moment already is gone."
57534,180,8,20,The whole Minnesota Tidal Wave thing happened five years ago.
57535,180,8,20,It's just a memory.
57536,180,8,20,And the rest of this never happened.
57537,180,8,20,"Right now, Marshall and Lily are upstairs, trying to get Marvin to go back to sleep."
57538,180,8,20,Robin and I are trying to decide on a caterer.
57539,180,8,20,"And you've been sitting here all night, staring at a single ticket to Robots vs. Wrestlers"
57540,180,8,20,because the rest of us couldn't come out.
57541,180,8,20,"Look around, Ted."
57542,180,8,20,You're all alone.
57543,180,8,20,"Narrator: Kids, it's been almost 20 years since that cold April night in 2013, and I can safely tell you, if I could go back in time and relive that night, there's no way in hell I'd go to Robots vs. Wrestlers."
57544,180,8,20,"No, I'd go home."
57545,180,8,20,"I'd go to my old apartment, see all my old furniture, my old stuff."
57546,180,8,20,"I'd see my old drafting table, where I sketched out my first building."
57547,180,8,20,I'd sit on that old couch and smell the Indian food cooking three stories below.
57548,180,8,20,"I'd go to Lily and Marshall's place, be back in that old living room where so many things happened."
57549,180,8,20,I'd see the baby.
57550,180,8,20,"I don't know if you can picture me holding your six-foot-seven cousin Marvin over my head, but back then I could."
57551,180,8,20,"I'd go have a drink with Barney and Robin, watch them fight about their caterer or whatever it was they were fighting about that night."
57552,180,8,20,But none of those things is the thing I'd do first.
57553,180,8,20,You know the thing I'd do first?
57554,180,8,20,Hi.
57555,180,8,20,I'm Ted Mosby.
57556,180,8,20,"And exactly 45 days from now, you and I are gonna meet, and we're gonna fall in love, and we're gonna get married, and... we're gonna have two kids."
57557,180,8,20,And we're gonna love them and each other so much.
57558,180,8,20,All that is 45 days away.
57559,180,8,20,"But I'm here now, I guess, because..."
57560,180,8,20,I want those extra 45 days with you.
57561,180,8,20,I want each one of them.
57562,180,8,20,"Look, and if I can't have them, I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because..."
57563,180,8,20,I love you.
57564,180,8,20,"I'm always gonna love you, till the end of my days and beyond."
57565,180,8,20,You'll see.
57566,180,8,20,Can I help you?
57567,180,8,20,"Oh, hey, it's, uh, Louis, right?"
57568,180,8,20,It's okay.
57569,180,8,20,"It's fine, um..."
57570,180,8,20,"I'm in love with your girlfriend, and, uh, we're gonna get married."
57571,180,8,20,What? Yeah.
57572,180,8,20,"Okay, guys, I've been waiting"
57573,180,8,20,20 years for this.
57574,180,8,20,Just like we practiced.
57575,180,8,20,"No mistakes, ready?"
57576,180,8,20,"One, two, a-one, two, three, four."
57577,180,8,20,All: ♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh
57578,180,8,20,♪ For the longest
57579,180,8,20,♪ For the longest time
57580,180,8,20,♪ Whoa-oh-oh
57581,180,8,20,♪ For the longest
57582,180,8,20,♪ For the longest time
57583,180,8,20,♪ If you said good-bye to me tonight ♪
57584,180,8,20,♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh
57585,180,8,20,♪ There would still
57586,180,8,20,♪ Be music left to write
57587,180,8,20,♪ Doo-doo-doo
57588,181,8,21,"Narrator: Kids, by the spring of 2013, Lily and Marshall had life figured out; Lily was making a name as the art consultant for The Captain, Marshall was a superstar environmental lawyer and home life was a well-oiled machine. And then... something changed."
57589,181,8,21,(knocking)
57590,181,8,21,"Captain, you wanted to see me?"
57591,181,8,21,Captain? Hello?
57592,181,8,21,Permission to come aboard?
57593,181,8,21,Granted.
57594,181,8,21,"Lily, small order of business: I'm moving to Rome and I'd like you to come with me."
57595,181,8,21,Carry on.
57596,181,8,21,"What?! That-That-That's amazing, but I-I don't know if I can just uproot my life."
57597,181,8,21,It's only for a year. Carry on.
57598,181,8,21,But I'm married and we have a baby and they just opened a Shake Shack on our block and there's never a line!
57599,181,8,21,I understand it's a big decision.
57600,181,8,21,Take all the time you need.
57601,181,8,21,Just let me know by the end of the day.
57602,181,8,21,"Also, I need your advice on purchasing some luggage."
57603,181,8,21,What kind? Carry on.
57604,181,8,21,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x21 ♪
57605,181,8,21,Romeward Bound
57606,181,8,21,"Original Air Date on April 15, 2013"
57607,181,8,21,"Well, this has been fun. I should go."
57608,181,8,21,But you literally just got here.
57609,181,8,21,"I didn't ""literally"" just get here."
57610,181,8,21,I hate when people misuse that word.
57611,181,8,21,So do I. But you literally just got here.
57612,181,8,21,"Hey, Ted."
57613,181,8,21,"Well, this has been fun. I should go."
57614,181,8,21,"Okay, fine, now I'm leaving."
57615,181,8,21,"Why do people go to a bar, anyway?"
57616,181,8,21,To get your drink on and some girl's pants off.
57617,181,8,21,I can do both at home.
57618,181,8,21,What are you looking at?
57619,181,8,21,The girl in the big coat?
57620,181,8,21,We were in the same yoga class together.
57621,181,8,21,You know how sometimes you'll meet a girl and there'll be that one bewitching little detail that'll make you fall in love with her instantly?
57622,181,8,21,"You know, a little freckle on the nose, the-the lilt of her laugh, the way she pronounces a certain word or phrase?"
57623,181,8,21,"Sure, totally."
57624,181,8,21,"Well, in this girl's case, the bewitching little detail is the fact that she has just a ""redonkulous"" body."
57625,181,8,21,Redonkulous?
57626,181,8,21,Redonkulous!
57627,181,8,21,"I've only heard you use ""redonkulous"" to describe"
57628,181,8,21,Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.
57629,181,8,21,"Barney, this girl has the Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol of bodies."
57630,181,8,21,Whoa.
57631,181,8,21,Just wait till she takes that coat off.
57632,181,8,21,"Oh, wait, sorry, you were just about to leave, right?"
57633,181,8,21,"I mean, I've already paid for this drink."
57634,181,8,21,"Guys, The Captain just made me a very interesting offer."
57635,181,8,21,"Finally, we get around to the real reason he hired you."
57636,181,8,21,"Just promise you film it, and please use a tripod."
57637,181,8,21,There's nothing artistic about shaky-cam.
57638,181,8,21,It just looks sloppy.
57639,181,8,21,He wants me to move to Rome for a year to buy art for him.
57640,181,8,21,Whoa! Seriously?
57641,181,8,21,Is that something you want to do? Are you kidding?
57642,181,8,21,I've always wanted to live abroad!
57643,181,8,21,"My summer in Paris, back in college, was so enlightening: the art, the history, the free cheese just for wearing a low-cut top."
57644,181,8,21,"Well, how does Marshall feel about moving?"
57645,181,8,21,I haven't told him yet.
57646,181,8,21,He really loves his job here.
57647,181,8,21,"Yeah, but he also loves Italy!"
57648,181,8,21,"He took a week of Italian in college, and the only reason he dropped it was 'cause he had a conflict... with being not stoned."
57649,181,8,21,"But he still knows how to say the phrase, ""Come on, bro, don't Bogart all the Funyuns."""
57650,181,8,21,"All right, I'm gonna call him."
57651,181,8,21,"Hey, baby."
57652,181,8,21,"Hey, baby, I can't talk right now."
57653,181,8,21,I'm working on a big case. Bye.
57654,181,8,21,Narrator: And that's when Lily realized what moving to Rome would really mean.
57655,181,8,21,♪
57656,181,8,21,(baby crying)
57657,181,8,21,And before you know it...
57658,181,8,21,"...his life turns into an angsty, existential black-and-white Italian movie."
57659,181,8,21,Exactly.
57660,181,8,21,I used to be a lawyer.
57661,181,8,21,I don't know anymore.
57662,181,8,21,Narrator: I'm sorry. I got to hit pause for a second.
57663,181,8,21,Why is it so hot in here?
57664,181,8,21,"Oh, right. While you were blabbering on and on about your whole life crisis or whatever, I slipped Carl a hundred to turn the heat up in here."
57665,181,8,21,What? Why?
57666,181,8,21,Because she is still in the big puffy coat!
57667,181,8,21,"Barney, what are you doing?"
57668,181,8,21,"I'm trying her out of that coat, that's what I'm doing!"
57669,181,8,21,I'm fighting hotness with hotness!
57670,181,8,21,You're engaged.
57671,181,8,21,"Okay, Lily, clearly you're forgetting something."
57672,181,8,21,"Yes, I'm engaged to the coolest girl on Earth."
57673,181,8,21,"This is about looking, not touching."
57674,181,8,21,Robin understands there is one set of balls she can't tie up with a necktie and lightly hit with a Ping-Pong paddle.
57675,181,8,21,These balls.
57676,181,8,21,"Okay, I'm gonna call The Captain, get this over with."
57677,181,8,21,(phone rings)
57678,181,8,21,Ahoy.
57679,181,8,21,"Hello, Captain?"
57680,181,8,21,"Lily, I hope you're not calling to harpoon our big move to Rome."
57681,181,8,21,"Thank you, but I can't ask my husband to abandon his career."
57682,181,8,21,Would you like me to try and convince him?
57683,181,8,21,I'm very persuasive.
57684,181,8,21,"I'm sorry, the ship has sailed."
57685,181,8,21,What's that mean?
57686,181,8,21,"Well, you know, ""The ship has sailed""?"
57687,181,8,21,That it's over and there's nothing you can do?
57688,181,8,21,What a peculiar expression. Hmm.
57689,181,8,21,"Well, thanks for all your hard work, Lily."
57690,181,8,21,"I've never been good at good-byes, so..."
57691,181,8,21,"Well, that's that."
57692,181,8,21,My dream job as an art consultant is over.
57693,181,8,21,And the sad part...
57694,181,8,21,"Okay, I gotta stop you right there, Lily, 'cause unless I'm mistaken, lock and load gentlemen."
57695,181,8,21,"A scarf?! No, don't put on, take off!"
57696,181,8,21,"Okay, you're starting to drool."
57697,181,8,21,I'm calling creepy.
57698,181,8,21,"Lily, it's fine."
57699,181,8,21,This is purely academic.
57700,181,8,21,It's-It's like bird-watching.
57701,181,8,21,"And right now, I am watching a double-breasted-- Robin!"
57702,181,8,21,Wait-- they know each other?!
57703,181,8,21,"Whoa, wait--"
57704,181,8,21,what is going on here?
57705,181,8,21,"Oh, my God, it's happening."
57706,181,8,21,This is just like I imagined.
57707,181,8,21,"Right in front of Ted, so I can rub it in his face."
57708,181,8,21,The belt is mine!
57709,181,8,21,"Hi, guys. Barney, you remember Liddy."
57710,181,8,21,I do?
57711,181,8,21,Yes! Libby.
57712,181,8,21,Liddy. We met when Robin hired me.
57713,181,8,21,Robin hired you?
57714,181,8,21,Naughty girl. Okay.
57715,181,8,21,"Okay, so how's this gonna go down?"
57716,181,8,21,"You two just gonna start, and I'll just jump in?"
57717,181,8,21,"Uh, she's our wedding planner."
57718,181,8,21,Of course she's the wedding planner!
57719,181,8,21,"Good to see you again, Libby."
57720,181,8,21,Liddy. Yeah.
57721,181,8,21,"Hey, I'm Ted. We, uh, we met once before."
57722,181,8,21,"Oh, right, in yoga class. How are you?"
57723,181,8,21,She's talking to me.
57724,181,8,21,"Well, I would love to stay, but now that I'm unemployed, I think I'll go surprise Marshall at work."
57725,181,8,21,(sighs)
57726,181,8,21,Wedding planner.
57727,181,8,21,
57728,181,8,21,"Narrator: So Lily went to visit Marshall at work, hoping she wasn't interrupting anything important."
57729,181,8,21,She wasn't.
57730,181,8,21,Whoa. What is going on?
57731,181,8,21,"Bernard, if we just glue the cards together..."
57732,181,8,21,Lily! What are you doing here?
57733,181,8,21,"Well, I baked you brownies because I thought you were busy working, but... so when you said..."
57734,181,8,21,"Lily, hey, I can't really talk."
57735,181,8,21,I'm working on a big project right now.
57736,181,8,21,It's a real house of cards.
57737,181,8,21,"Is this the ""house of cards"" you were talking about?"
57738,181,8,21,I thought you had some big client.
57739,181,8,21,"Oh, sweetheart, we haven't had a client here in months."
57740,181,8,21,Mmm! Brownies! Hey!
57741,181,8,21,What is going on? What do you mean you haven't had a client in months?
57742,181,8,21,"Ever since the Gruber case, we lost a lot of business, people got laid off... it's just me and Bernard now."
57743,181,8,21,Where's Cootes?
57744,181,8,21,"He's holed up in a bomb shelter in Colorado, waiting for the apocalypse and tending to his herb garden."
57745,181,8,21,"So all those times I've called you in the past few months, when you talked about how busy you were... you were just lying to me?"
57746,181,8,21,"Technically, I never lied..."
57747,181,8,21,"Hey, baby."
57748,181,8,21,"Hey, baby, I can't talk right now."
57749,181,8,21,I'm working on a big case. Bye.
57750,181,8,21,That is a big case.
57751,181,8,21,"Bad time, Lily."
57752,181,8,21,I got to focus on the client.
57753,181,8,21,Gotta go. Bye.
57754,181,8,21,Where were we?
57755,181,8,21,Chapter 19.
57756,181,8,21,I can't talk right now; I got a lot on my plate.
57757,181,8,21,"Well, let's dig in."
57758,181,8,21,"If we start now, we can be done by lunch."
57759,181,8,21,"Now's not a good time, Lil."
57760,181,8,21,We got a lot of balls in the air right now.
57761,181,8,21,"Okay, toss me the stapler."
57762,181,8,21,Unbelievable.
57763,181,8,21,Wait-- when you said you were about to get reamed...
57764,181,8,21,"Oh, right. That."
57765,181,8,21,"No, sometimes, for fun, We throw reams of paper at each other."
57766,181,8,21,Bernard! Not a good time!
57767,181,8,21,Read the room!
57768,181,8,21,"I'm sorry, baby, I..."
57769,181,8,21,I didn't want you to see me fail.
57770,181,8,21,Damn it! Do you realize what you cost us by lying to me?
57771,181,8,21,"The Captain is moving to Rome, and he offered to bring me along as his art consultant, but I turned it down, because I thought you loved your job."
57772,181,8,21,"Oh, my gosh."
57773,181,8,21,"If we lived in Italy, I could just spend my days taking care of Marvin and trying to make pasta and watching Italian Price Is Right."
57774,181,8,21,It sounds like a dream!
57775,181,8,21,"Oh, it's too late."
57776,181,8,21,"No, no. Lily, I'm going to The Captain's right now!"
57777,181,8,21,I'm gonna make this right!
57778,181,8,21,I'm gonna get you that job!
57779,181,8,21,"No, Marshall... You're getting that job!"
57780,181,8,21,You can just make it out to Liddy Gates.
57781,181,8,21,That's L-I-D-D-Y.
57782,181,8,21,"L-I, two D's... double D... two D's... -Y."
57783,181,8,21,"Well, here is the final menu, as we discussed, but let me be clear."
57784,181,8,21,You're the boss; I'm here to serve you.
57785,181,8,21,"So if there's anything you want me to remove, just tell me to remove it and it's gone."
57786,181,8,21,I'll remove anything you want.
57787,181,8,21,"That sounds like a sound policy. Up to you, whatever you feel like."
57788,181,8,21,That's a good... That's a good thing to know.
57789,181,8,21,"That's fine, you can remove whatever you want."
57790,181,8,21,"I'm serious, and I won't be offended; you want it gone, I'll take it right off. Is it hot in here?"
57791,181,8,21,It's not cold. You know what?
57792,181,8,21,"It's hot; it's sticky. It's not... It's like Bikram, right?"
57793,181,8,21,We're yoga buddies.
57794,181,8,21,♪ Yoga buddies.
57795,181,8,21,"Well, I'll let you guys read the menu."
57796,181,8,21,Can you point me to the... GUYS: Coat rack?
57797,181,8,21,...restroom?
57798,181,8,21,"Uh, it's right over there."
57799,181,8,21,But it's hard to pee in a giant coat.
57800,181,8,21,"Okay, what's going on?"
57801,181,8,21,Why are you guys being so weird?
57802,181,8,21,"Ted says that Liddy has a ridonkulous body, but there's no way of verifying because she won't take off the coat!"
57803,181,8,21,Is that why it's so hot in here?
57804,181,8,21,Did you pay Carl to turn up the heat again?
57805,181,8,21,"Well, yes."
57806,181,8,21,But I was curious.
57807,181,8,21,I want to get that coat on the rack so I can see the rack that's under the coat.
57808,181,8,21,My God.
57809,181,8,21,I have been wondering the same thing.
57810,181,8,21,"I mean, she never takes that coat off."
57811,181,8,21,Whatever she's smuggling under there has to be thermonuclear.
57812,181,8,21,I bet she has WBDs.
57813,181,8,21,Weapons of bra destruction.
57814,181,8,21,Thank you.
57815,181,8,21,"This, this is why you're the coolest fiancée ever."
57816,181,8,21,"(both moan, laugh)"
57817,181,8,21,"So, Ted, when you say ridonkulous..."
57818,181,8,21,I can't even describe it.
57819,181,8,21,It'd be like trying to explain a rainbow to a blind person.
57820,181,8,21,Is she single?
57821,181,8,21,Why don't you ask her out?
57822,181,8,21,"Actually, I almost did the first time we met, before she took off that coat."
57823,181,8,21,Sandstorm?
57824,181,8,21,Dubai? That hoodie?
57825,181,8,21,"I mean, it's ridonkulous."
57826,181,8,21,"Oh, I know. I so want to see it again."
57827,181,8,21,"Well, hey, I mean, maybe after this, if you're not doing anything."
57828,181,8,21,"Totally, and maybe later, we could get a bite to eat."
57829,181,8,21,There's this great place that's super close.
57830,181,8,21,"No, I..."
57831,181,8,21,"No, I... No."
57832,181,8,21,It was just too much.
57833,181,8,21,Indiana Jones wouldn't look at this body.
57834,181,8,21,This is a body that would melt a Nazi's face.
57835,181,8,21,"Oh, man, I want my face to melt."
57836,181,8,21,(sighs) It's too bad Marshall isn't here.
57837,181,8,21,Why Marshall?
57838,181,8,21,'Cause he could just say...
57839,181,8,21,"Hey, Liddy, why don't you take off that coat?"
57840,181,8,21,Barney: And Liddy would be all...
57841,181,8,21,"Sure, should I take my shirt off, too?"
57842,181,8,21,"No, the coat's probably enough."
57843,181,8,21,And he'd get away with it.
57844,181,8,21,You know why? No stink.
57845,181,8,21,You obviously haven't split a cab with him after basketball.
57846,181,8,21,"No, I don't mean ""physical stink."""
57847,181,8,21,I mean the pheromonal stink a guy gives off when he's desperate for action to a pathetic degree.
57848,181,8,21,"You know, like Ted."
57849,181,8,21,I have stink?
57850,181,8,21,"Bro, you dipped in stink."
57851,181,8,21,If Liddy came back to the table and you said...
57852,181,8,21,"Uh, Liddy, why don't you, uh, take off that coat?"
57853,181,8,21,You want me to take my coat off?
57854,181,8,21,"How about instead, I take off your face?"
57855,181,8,21,Ow!
57856,181,8,21,"Ow, oh!"
57857,181,8,21,Ted: Really?
57858,181,8,21,You had to have her beat me up?
57859,181,8,21,"She's not done, Ted."
57860,181,8,21,Ghost Protocol
57861,181,8,21,wasn't that good!
57862,181,8,21,(screams)
57863,181,8,21,"Marshall, on the other hand, girls take one look and just know there's a guy who's met the girl of his dreams and wants to spend the rest of his life with her and only her."
57864,181,8,21,So why don't you ask her?
57865,181,8,21,Pardon me?
57866,181,8,21,Aren't you a guy who's met the girl of his dreams and wants to spend the rest of his life with her and only her?
57867,181,8,21,"Of course, baby."
57868,181,8,21,So why don't you ask her to take her coat off?
57869,181,8,21,Um...
57870,181,8,21,And you never even saw Ghost Protocol.
57871,181,8,21,"So, the big day's coming up."
57872,181,8,21,How are you guys feeling?
57873,181,8,21,"I talked to the caterer, and the mini lamb shanks are gonna be amazing."
57874,181,8,21,"Oh, by the way, I talked to the florist, and the violets are gonna be gorgeous. BARNEY: Okay, Barney. You can do this."
57875,181,8,21,Just say it. Say it.
57876,181,8,21,...little ones and big ones...
57877,181,8,21,Say it.
57878,181,8,21,"Hey, Liddy, do you want to take off your coat?"
57879,181,8,21,Sure.
57880,181,8,21,(whimpers)
57881,181,8,21,I did it! I proved to myself and everyone else that I have no desire to be with any other woman.
57882,181,8,21,I am completely immune to every other...
57883,181,8,21,Holy crap!
57884,181,8,21,(both panting)
57885,181,8,21,"And it was, indeed, ridonkulous."
57886,181,8,21,"And we got to see it, all thanks to this lovely lady right here."
57887,181,8,21,"Robin, thanks to you, I can now walk up to any girl and say whatever creepy, disgusting thing I want and totally get away with it."
57888,181,8,21,Mm. Man!
57889,181,8,21,I think I'm gonna like being married.
57890,181,8,21,(phone rings)
57891,181,8,21,Hello?
57892,181,8,21,Ahoy.
57893,181,8,21,"Ahoy, Lily."
57894,181,8,21,I just had a long talk with your husband.
57895,181,8,21,He convinced me to offer you that job in Rome again.
57896,181,8,21,How do you respond?
57897,181,8,21,"Thanks, but the answer is still no."
57898,181,8,21,"Lily, why the hell did you turn that down again."
57899,181,8,21,Because I 'd have to get a new passport photo.
57900,181,8,21,And I'd miss out on New York in August.
57901,181,8,21,Unless they open the Shake Shop in a box.
57902,181,8,21,"Lily, what's the real reason?"
57903,181,8,21,What if we moved to Rome...
57904,181,8,21,(laughing)
57905,181,8,21,What's so funny?
57906,181,8,21,I'm uh sorry.
57907,181,8,21,I can't believe you paid a
57908,181,8,21,10 million euro this painting.
57909,181,8,21,Why not?
57910,181,8,21,This is not even a painting.
57911,181,8,21,"I spin my plate, it's gonna fill a blank canvas."
57912,181,8,21,It's like a toilet.
57913,181,8,21,It just make you look uh stupida.
57914,181,8,21,"Lily, you're fired. What?"
57915,181,8,21,But no. I-I...it's still a great painting.
57916,181,8,21,I like what it says about the structure in society and the changing worlds of women.
57917,181,8,21,(speaks Italian)
57918,181,8,21,I used to be an art consultant.
57919,181,8,21,"Hey baby. It's time for Marvin's, uh, bottle."
57920,181,8,21,And it's all because I screwed up and through away a perfectly comfortable life here in New York.
57921,181,8,21,"Lily, you're not going to screw up."
57922,181,8,21,"You know what, just please, just leave it alone."
57923,181,8,21,"Besides, deep down, I don't think Marshall's even excited about Italy."
57924,181,8,21,Narrator: At that very moment in little Italy.
57925,181,8,21,(phone chirps)
57926,181,8,21,Marron!
57927,181,8,21,I can't wait for my wedding day.
57928,181,8,21,"I mean, there is no way that Liddy is gonna be wearing that coat, right?"
57929,181,8,21,Right?
57930,181,8,21,"""Barney Stinson, do you hope she wears something slinky and backless?"""
57931,181,8,21,"""I do."""
57932,181,8,21,"Okay, can I just say something as your best man?"
57933,181,8,21,Be careful.
57934,181,8,21,What do you mean?
57935,181,8,21,"You just... you haven't been acting like a guy who's about to get married, and I know you think it's okay because Robin's so cool, but I'm telling you, she's not as cool as you think she is."
57936,181,8,21,"Oh, I see."
57937,181,8,21,And you'd know this because you know Robin better than I do.
57938,181,8,21,You know what she appreciates better than her own fiancé.
57939,181,8,21,"I'm just saying, if I was getting married in three weeks..."
57940,181,8,21,"But you're not getting married in three weeks, Ted."
57941,181,8,21,I am.
57942,181,8,21,"Robin's marrying me, not you."
57943,181,8,21,You're right.
57944,181,8,21,Not my place.
57945,181,8,21,Why don't I get the next round?
57946,181,8,21,So... how many times are you gonna say no to your dream job?
57947,181,8,21,I'm just trying to plan my day.
57948,181,8,21,"I'm a scaredy-cat, okay?"
57949,181,8,21,"I want to be the type of person that just charges fearlessly into the unknown, but I came back two weeks early from Paris because I was lonely."
57950,181,8,21,"I went to San Francisco, and I was never more depressed in my life."
57951,181,8,21,"I'm small town, Marshall."
57952,181,8,21,I'm a hick from Brooklyn who's terrified of living more than ten subway stops from where I was born.
57953,181,8,21,"Okay, Lily, if I can move from St. Cloud, Minnesota, to New York City, then you can move to Rome."
57954,181,8,21,We know nothing about Italy.
57955,181,8,21,We have no friends there.
57956,181,8,21,We don't speak the language.
57957,181,8,21,"Okay, so you know that one sentence."
57958,181,8,21,Can you say anything else?
57959,181,8,21,That-that was the same sentence.
57960,181,8,21,You just changed the inflection.
57961,181,8,21,"I love you, too."
57962,181,8,21,All right.
57963,181,8,21,We're going to Italy.
57964,181,8,21,Si!
57965,181,8,21,"You may not know this yet, but, um, I've already done some shopping."
57966,181,8,21,Welcome home.
57967,182,8,22,"Narrator: Kids, this is the story of the night Barney's life completely fell apart."
57968,182,8,22,"My life is finally perfect, and that is never going to change."
57969,182,8,22,Fired up for dinner with my mom tonight?
57970,182,8,22,"Yeah. To help streamline the rest of our lives, you can always assume my answer to that question is no."
57971,182,8,22,W... I'm pretty nervous.
57972,182,8,22,"Nervous? Why? It's just gonna be two hours of ""I love Barney the most."" ""No, I love Barney the most."""
57973,182,8,22,You're right. I may not even get a chance to talk.
57974,182,8,22,But I'm still--
57975,182,8,22,I-I don't know. I'm worried she won't think I'm good enough to be engaged to her precious little Love-Love.
57976,182,8,22,"Okay, first of all, it's ""Wuv-Wuv."""
57977,182,8,22,"And second, don't worry."
57978,182,8,22,"I'm just gonna drop off our catering deposit, and then I will be there for you. Mm."
57979,182,8,22,"Okay, well, please don't be late."
57980,182,8,22,I am counting on you tonight.
57981,182,8,22,And be careful--
57982,182,8,22,"that's 5,000 bucks in there."
57983,182,8,22,"Uh, I think I'll be okay walking four blocks here on the Upper East Side."
57984,182,8,22,(chuckles)
57985,182,8,22,(grunting)
57986,182,8,22,"Please, I swear I never talked to the North Koreans!"
57987,182,8,22,"Unless you are the North Koreans, in which case I never talked to the South Koreans!"
57988,182,8,22,"MAN (menacingly): Barney Stinson, you are being kidnapped."
57989,182,8,22,For your surprise bachelor party!
57990,182,8,22,(both laughing)
57991,182,8,22,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x22 ♪
57992,182,8,22,The Bro Mitzvah
57993,182,8,22,"Original Air Date on April 29, 2013"
57994,182,8,22,A kidnapping.
57995,182,8,22,Respect.
57996,182,8,22,I was secretly worried you might not be able to pull off my bachelor party.
57997,182,8,22,"Yeah, it wasn't that secret."
57998,182,8,22,You two? Planning my bachelor party?
57999,182,8,22,(chuckles)
58000,182,8,22,"Look, you seem like nice kids."
58001,182,8,22,"But this is a sacred event, a man's rite of passage with his bros."
58002,182,8,22,His... bro mitzvah!
58003,182,8,22,You didn't just think of that.
58004,182,8,22,You've been saying it for months every...
58005,182,8,22,But here's my dilemma: my average night is like an average guy's bachelor party.
58006,182,8,22,"So, no offense, but if you two plan it, it's gonna be ordi--"
58007,182,8,22,why wait for it?-- nary.
58008,182,8,22,Ordinary.
58009,182,8,22,I can help.
58010,182,8,22,You?
58011,182,8,22,(chuckles)
58012,182,8,22,"Look, you seem like a nice kid, but bros' fiancées cannot plan bachelor parties."
58013,182,8,22,Sorry. You two are on your own.
58014,182,8,22,And you will disappoint me.
58015,182,8,22,"But make it great, okay?"
58016,182,8,22,But this is a strong start.
58017,182,8,22,The students have become... the intermediate students.
58018,182,8,22,I just have to make one call.
58019,182,8,22,(phone rings)
58020,182,8,22,Hello.
58021,182,8,22,"Robin, great news!"
58022,182,8,22,I've been kidnapped for a surprise bachelor party so I won't be there at all!
58023,182,8,22,"What? Barney, I-I can't do dinner with your mom alone."
58024,182,8,22,"Okay, I'll call her, make up an excuse and cancel."
58025,182,8,22,"And don't worry, I'll take all the blame."
58026,182,8,22,Hold on.
58027,182,8,22,"Hi, Wuv-Wuv."
58028,182,8,22,"Hi, Momsies."
58029,182,8,22,"I forgot, I'm mentoring an underprivileged child tonight, and Robin can't stand the idea of dinner with you by herself, so we're not gonna be able to..."
58030,182,8,22,Don't bother. She's already here.
58031,182,8,22,Hold on.
58032,182,8,22,Robin? Too late. She's already there.
58033,182,8,22,"Barney, don't..."
58034,182,8,22,Robin can't stand the idea of dinner with me?
58035,182,8,22,Great! We're all set then.
58036,182,8,22,Don't you leave me alone with her. I told you...
58037,182,8,22,That problem is solved.
58038,182,8,22,So what's the plan?
58039,182,8,22,"Well, you know the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City?"
58040,182,8,22,Yeah.
58041,182,8,22,You know the secret penthouse in the top of the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City?
58042,182,8,22,Yeah!
58043,182,8,22,Boom! There it is.
58044,182,8,22,Visible from our window.
58045,182,8,22,In the distance.
58046,182,8,22,Behind the refinery.
58047,182,8,22,"Okay, you can't quite see it."
58048,182,8,22,Why are we outside Atlantic City?
58049,182,8,22,"Well, we thought it was best, what with your weakness for games of chance."
58050,182,8,22,"Narrator: Kids, Barney was addicted to one Chinese gambling game that was, well, sort of complicated."
58051,182,8,22,But don't worry.
58052,182,8,22,"Back when you were engaged to Quinn, you told us everything you wanted for tonight."
58053,182,8,22,A bachelor party is a man's... bro mitzvah!
58054,182,8,22,Did you just think of that?
58055,182,8,22,Totally! We can wear... bro-mulkes... spin the bro-del... and consult the wisdom of the Bro-rah.
58056,182,8,22,Written in... He-bro.
58057,182,8,22,Not at all bro-ffensive.
58058,182,8,22,"Ooh, ooh! Couple other ideas--"
58059,182,8,22,and I'm just spitballing here--
58060,182,8,22,so take 'em or leave 'em.
58061,182,8,22,"Booze, duh; cigars, duh; strippers, duh..."
58062,182,8,22,Ooh! Things should get so crazy that at some point we should fear for our lives.
58063,182,8,22,"Oh, we'll fear for our lives, all right."
58064,182,8,22,When we watch Al Gore's
58065,182,8,22,An Inconvenient Truth!
58066,182,8,22,(chuckles) Yeah. We're gonna pound a beer every time we hear the word
58067,182,8,22,"(imitates Al Gore): ""catastrophic"""""
58068,182,8,22,(knocking)
58069,182,8,22,Oh!
58070,182,8,22,Could that be... the next item on your list?
58071,182,8,22,"Barney: Mind-blowing entertainment, like a naked fire show or a naked magic show."
58072,182,8,22,"There's a good chance our engagement doesn't work out, isn't there?"
58073,182,8,22,"Not now, honey."
58074,182,8,22,Or a naked contortionist!
58075,182,8,22,Or... a balloon contortionist!
58076,182,8,22,(honking)
58077,182,8,22,Balloons.
58078,182,8,22,"Not the inflatable, round, squishy pouches I was hoping to see tonight."
58079,182,8,22,(cell phone ringing)
58080,182,8,22,Hold on.
58081,182,8,22,TED (quietly): I told you no clown.
58082,182,8,22,"Well, you didn't like the bubble guy either."
58083,182,8,22,"Hey, Robin."
58084,182,8,22,Did you tell your mother I'm a virgin?
58085,182,8,22,What? Why would you think that?
58086,182,8,22,Save yourself room for dessert. Mmm.
58087,182,8,22,And I hear you excel at saving yourself.
58088,182,8,22,(chuckles): You are so funny.
58089,182,8,22,What's gotten into you?
58090,182,8,22,"Oh, that's right-- nothing ever."
58091,182,8,22,You may be nervous as to what goes where on your wedding night.
58092,182,8,22,It's really simple.
58093,182,8,22,Let me show you.
58094,182,8,22,Let's start with the fundamentals.
58095,182,8,22,Why would you tell her I'm a virgin?
58096,182,8,22,I panicked.
58097,182,8,22,"Look, I really want her to like you, so just go with it, okay? Okay!"
58098,182,8,22,"Listen, Wuv-Wuv, you better get your ass back..."
58099,182,8,22,(knocking)
58100,182,8,22,Another guest?
58101,182,8,22,Who could this be?
58102,182,8,22,"Why, it's Lily!"
58103,182,8,22,And she's here to deliver one of your requests!
58104,182,8,22,"Oh, thank you, Marshall."
58105,182,8,22,"Oh, not that one."
58106,182,8,22,"An appearance by my all-time idol, the Karate Kid!"
58107,182,8,22,Narrator: The Karate Kid
58108,182,8,22,"was an uplifting '80s classic about a teen, played by Ralph Macchio, who defeats the local jerk, played by William Zabka."
58109,182,8,22,"At least, that's how most people saw it."
58110,182,8,22,"Here he is, just as hot as when his Tiger Beat"
58111,182,8,22,photo spread gave a young girl the courage to explore the suddenly unfamiliar topography of her changing body... the Karate Kid!
58112,182,8,22,"Hey, Barney. It's Ralph."
58113,182,8,22,"Listen, it's always flattering..."
58114,182,8,22,No!
58115,182,8,22,I hate Ralph Macchio!
58116,182,8,22,"I hate him, hate him, hate him!"
58117,182,8,22,He is not the Karate Kid!
58118,182,8,22,"The Karate Kid was William Zabka, star pupil of the Cobra Kai Dojo, who this monster defeated with a cheap,"
58119,182,8,22,illegal head-kick in the most tragically haunting film ending of all time.
58120,182,8,22,"Oh, see, I thought you meant fun-crazy."
58121,182,8,22,"Shut it, Ralph Macchio."
58122,182,8,22,Why don't you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!
58123,182,8,22,This night has been catastrophic.
58124,182,8,22,"""Catastrophic""! Everybody pound."
58125,182,8,22,"Sorry, bro."
58126,182,8,22,I'm staying.
58127,182,8,22,If this is anything like my bachelor party--
58128,182,8,22,"strippers, booze, definitely no hand stuff--"
58129,182,8,22,wink-wink--
58130,182,8,22,it is gonna be in--
58131,182,8,22,wait for it-- credible.
58132,182,8,22,Incredible!
58133,182,8,22,Ted: Wow.
58134,182,8,22,You guys are actually a lot alike.
58135,182,8,22,"You take that back, sir!"
58136,182,8,22,I am nothing like Ralph Macchio!
58137,182,8,22,"I mean, did you guys even get a stripper?"
58138,182,8,22,Bro.
58139,182,8,22,(chuckling)
58140,182,8,22,Bro.
58141,182,8,22,Of course we got a stripper.
58142,182,8,22,Do we look like the kind of dweebs who wouldn't get a stripper?
58143,182,8,22,(scoffs)
58144,182,8,22,(knocking)
58145,182,8,22,"And as the saying goes, what happens in the sensibly-priced business hotel outside Atlantic City stays in the sensibly-priced business hotel outside Atlantic City."
58146,182,8,22,Who is it?
58147,182,8,22,Woman: Police. We got a noise complaint from...
58148,182,8,22,"Oh, who am I kidding? I can tell it's dead in there."
58149,182,8,22,I'm the stripper!
58150,182,8,22,Barney?
58151,182,8,22,Quinn?
58152,182,8,22,"This is your bachelor party? You're engaged again, less than a year after we broke up?"
58153,182,8,22,Is it Robin?
58154,182,8,22,"Now, hold on."
58155,182,8,22,You're not the only one with questions here.
58156,182,8,22,You didn't vet the stripper?!
58157,182,8,22,"Well, I'm glad you're so happy."
58158,182,8,22,"After we broke up, I had to move out of the city, my car got totaled, and I had to go back to stripping just to pay rent."
58159,182,8,22,"It's like everywhere I look, my life is a dead-end."
58160,182,8,22,Wow.
58161,182,8,22,"I am... I'm so sorry, Quinn."
58162,182,8,22,"So, how does this work?"
58163,182,8,22,"Do you give me a private show, or does everyone...?"
58164,182,8,22,I am not stripping for you.
58165,182,8,22,"Whoa, whoa! I was promised boobs."
58166,182,8,22,"Oh, Ralph, if you want, I can..."
58167,182,8,22,Lily.
58168,182,8,22,Is that the Karate Kid?
58169,182,8,22,Yes! Yes! Yes!
58170,182,8,22,No!
58171,182,8,22,"He's a lot like Barney, huh?"
58172,182,8,22,"(gasps) You take that back, madam."
58173,182,8,22,I am nothing like Ralph Macchio!
58174,182,8,22,"QUINN: Okay, okay."
58175,182,8,22,I'll tell you what.
58176,182,8,22,I am going to strip for everyone here except Barney.
58177,182,8,22,And I'm gonna make it dirty.
58178,182,8,22,"Yeah, um, I'm the bachelor."
58179,182,8,22,Kind of no stripping without the lap of honor.
58180,182,8,22,"Back me up, bros."
58181,182,8,22,"(people whooping, dance music playing)"
58182,182,8,22,(phone ringing)
58183,182,8,22,Marshall: How'd you even do that?
58184,182,8,22,"Ted: What the...?! LILY: Oh, my God, yeah!"
58185,182,8,22,"Hey, Robin."
58186,182,8,22,"Hey, sweetie, having fun at your bachelor party?"
58187,182,8,22,"No. Good, 'cause my night's been hell!"
58188,182,8,22,"And that's the inverted chimney sweep, the last of the 17 basic sexual positions."
58189,182,8,22,"Now, bondage..."
58190,182,8,22,Stop! I'm not a virgin!
58191,182,8,22,My napkin ring has seen plenty of breadsticks.
58192,182,8,22,And one baguette.
58193,182,8,22,I dated a center for the Knicks.
58194,182,8,22,"Oh, thank God you're not a prude."
58195,182,8,22,Now we can really talk.
58196,182,8,22,"Four cosmos, pronto!"
58197,182,8,22,"Now she's drunk, holding up a napkin ring and three breadsticks, and talking about her night with Crosby, Stills and Nash."
58198,182,8,22,"Waiter, can I have another breadstick?"
58199,182,8,22,And Young.
58200,182,8,22,Please come back.
58201,182,8,22,(people cheering)
58202,182,8,22,Okay.
58203,182,8,22,I'll be there soon.
58204,182,8,22,Real nice. So beautiful.
58205,182,8,22,"I think we really did it. I think we did it, you know?"
58206,182,8,22,You didn't miss a thing.
58207,182,8,22,"Marshall: Oh, Quinn? Yeah?"
58208,182,8,22,You got a little... something.
58209,182,8,22,Oh! Oh.
58210,182,8,22,(sighs)
58211,182,8,22,"Let's head back, guys."
58212,182,8,22,This night has been completely half-assed.
58213,182,8,22,You obviously missed the strip show.
58214,182,8,22,Hey-oh!
58215,182,8,22,(horn honks)
58216,182,8,22,"Ted, this was my bachelor party."
58217,182,8,22,A man only gets two or three of these in his lifetime.
58218,182,8,22,And this is all you do for me?
58219,182,8,22,"That's it, I'm calling it."
58220,182,8,22,Who needs a ride back to the city?
58221,182,8,22,Oh.
58222,182,8,22,"Oh, guys, wait, hold on, hold on."
58223,182,8,22,Drinking.
58224,182,8,22,A shot.
58225,182,8,22,Shooting.
58226,182,8,22,A gun.
58227,182,8,22,"Shot, gun."
58228,182,8,22,Shotgun?
58229,182,8,22,(sighs)
58230,182,8,22,"Man, it's crowded in here."
58231,182,8,22,"I know, it's like a clown car."
58232,182,8,22,"Well, I can make some room by grinding on Ralph's lap."
58233,182,8,22,ing!
58234,182,8,22,"I-I meant, I meant sitting."
58235,182,8,22,This is the worst bachelor party ever.
58236,182,8,22,"Man, my bachelor party was incr-- wait for it--"
58237,182,8,22,"and I hope you're hungry, 'cause the second half of this word is-- edible!"
58238,182,8,22,Incredible!
58239,182,8,22,(chuckles)
58240,182,8,22,Self-shake.
58241,182,8,22,(gasps)
58242,182,8,22,"You take that back, clown."
58243,182,8,22,I am nothing like Ralph Macchio!
58244,182,8,22,RALPH: Yeah.
58245,182,8,22,"You've got more in common with the clown, except his suit's more expensive."
58246,182,8,22,"Hey, yo!"
58247,182,8,22,(horn honks)
58248,182,8,22,"I mean, what kind of loser has his bachelor party ten yards from A.C."
58249,182,8,22,and doesn't even gamble?
58250,182,8,22,(tires screeching)
58251,182,8,22,(screams)
58252,182,8,22,"Oh. Oh, sorry."
58253,182,8,22,Sorry. Sorry.
58254,182,8,22,(chuckles)
58255,182,8,22,Sorry.
58256,182,8,22,"Oh... oh, wait."
58257,182,8,22,Just a little more.
58258,182,8,22,"Okay, sorry."
58259,182,8,22,(sighs): Okay.
58260,182,8,22,(speaking Chinese)
58261,182,8,22,...bro mitzvah!
58262,182,8,22,(laughs)
58263,182,8,22,
58264,182,8,22,"Narrator: Kids, I'll skip over the gambling."
58265,182,8,22,"Like I said, it was a complicated game."
58266,182,8,22,Although your old man did pick it up pretty quickly.
58267,182,8,22,(crowd cheers)
58268,182,8,22,Hey!
58269,182,8,22,You just won 300 bucks!
58270,182,8,22,"I just lost $5,000."
58271,182,8,22,"Oh, right. 'Cause the chicken."
58272,182,8,22,"Yep, that-that's"
58273,182,8,22,"$5,000, yeah."
58274,182,8,22,(laughs)
58275,182,8,22,"See, I'm laughing because you couldn't see me take my top off, but I just saw you lose your shirt. Hey-yo!"
58276,182,8,22,(horn honks)
58277,182,8,22,We have to go back.
58278,182,8,22,"(sneezes): Loser! Sorry, that was a real sneeze."
58279,182,8,22,Might have made you miss what I was saying.
58280,182,8,22,Loser!
58281,182,8,22,(laughs): Loser.
58282,182,8,22,We're not going anywhere.
58283,182,8,22,I can still make this night legendary.
58284,182,8,22,"Uh, uh... (speaks Chinese)"
58285,182,8,22,(replies in Chinese)
58286,182,8,22,"Oh, oh."
58287,182,8,22,"Okay, I got some credit."
58288,182,8,22,I just... mm...
58289,182,8,22,"Marshall, stand over there for good luck?"
58290,182,8,22,"Oh, sure."
58291,182,8,22,"Okay, okay."
58292,182,8,22,(crowd chants in Chinese)
58293,182,8,22,(speaks Chinese)
58294,182,8,22,(crowd cheers)
58295,182,8,22,(laughs): Oh! Oh!
58296,182,8,22,"You crazy son of a bitch, you did it!"
58297,182,8,22,"I just lost $80,000."
58298,182,8,22,"Oh, right, right, yeah. 'Cause the black jelly bean."
58299,182,8,22,"That-That's $80,000. He's right."
58300,182,8,22,(clears throat)
58301,182,8,22,"You know, Ralph, earlier at the salon, I waxed on, then waxed off."
58302,182,8,22,(whispers): Everywhere.
58303,182,8,22,"Uh, listen, lady, your husband is, like..."
58304,182,8,22,"Hey, where is"
58305,182,8,22,your husband?
58306,182,8,22,Marshall?
58307,182,8,22,Where's Marshall?!
58308,182,8,22,"Okay, Lily, don't overreact, but..."
58309,182,8,22,"Oh, oh."
58310,182,8,22,"Okay, I got some credit."
58311,182,8,22,"Marshall, stand over there for good luck?"
58312,182,8,22,"Oh, sure."
58313,182,8,22,You sold my husband?!
58314,182,8,22,"Lily, can you be more like the Chinese mobster and give me some credit?"
58315,182,8,22,I'm going back for Marshall; I just need to get some money.
58316,182,8,22,"You have nothing to worry about; these are the ""good"" mobsters."
58317,182,8,22,"Wow, what kind of bozo does that to a friend?"
58318,182,8,22,"Shut it, Ralph Macchio!"
58319,182,8,22,"No, you shut it!"
58320,182,8,22,"Ralph Macchio's right, you are a bozo."
58321,182,8,22,"Um, I think they prefer ""people of bright color."""
58322,182,8,22,You know what a bachelor party's about?
58323,182,8,22,Hanging out with your friends and having a good time.
58324,182,8,22,"But you only care about the good time, not the friends."
58325,182,8,22,So you know what?
58326,182,8,22,I'm-I'm done caring about you then.
58327,182,8,22,I'm out of here.
58328,182,8,22,Ted...
58329,182,8,22,"Ted, Ted, I have..."
58330,182,8,22,I just tore your mom away from a living version of a Nick Nolte mug shot and put her in a cab home.
58331,182,8,22,Thank you for abandoning me on what has been one of the worst nights of my life.
58332,182,8,22,"So, it's my usual fee, plus I always charge an extra hundred for girl-on-clown action."
58333,182,8,22,What the hell is she doing here?
58334,182,8,22,"Robin, I swear, nothing happened."
58335,182,8,22,That means just hand stuff.
58336,182,8,22,(horn honks)
58337,182,8,22,You...! Oh!
58338,182,8,22,"No, no, stop, stop, stop!"
58339,182,8,22,"Sorry, Barney, this... this-this is unforgivable."
58340,182,8,22,It's over.
58341,182,8,22,You know...
58342,182,8,22,I never got to do that.
58343,182,8,22,(sighs)
58344,182,8,22,(sighs)
58345,182,8,22,Ted?
58346,182,8,22,Robin.
58347,182,8,22,We're right on schedule.
58348,182,8,22,"Barney is suicidal. I know, it's awesome!"
58349,182,8,22,(both laughing)
58350,182,8,22,"Narrator: Yep, kids, we had planned out every step of the night."
58351,182,8,22,It started three weeks earlier.
58352,182,8,22,...and you will disappoint me.
58353,182,8,22,"But make it great, okay?"
58354,182,8,22,"Oh, it'll be great, all right!"
58355,182,8,22,"Okay, after two weeks of brainstorming, all I have on my list so far is Purell."
58356,182,8,22,"Marshall, what do you got?"
58357,182,8,22,"Well, nothing now."
58358,182,8,22,This is impossible!
58359,182,8,22,How do you make something memorable for a guy who makes every night the best night of his life?
58360,182,8,22,Give him the worst night of his life.
58361,182,8,22,We'll give him the worst hotel room
58362,182,8,22,"with the worst entertainment,"
58363,182,8,22,(horn honks)
58364,182,8,22,"the wrong Karate Kid,"
58365,182,8,22,and the absolute last stripper he would want to see.
58366,182,8,22,Hold on.
58367,182,8,22,You want me to pretend my life's gone to crap and I'm back to stripping just screw with my ex-fiancé?
58368,182,8,22,I love it!
58369,182,8,22,"That party will be so terrible, he'll have to leave it."
58370,182,8,22,Then I'll instruct his arch-nemesis to say...
58371,182,8,22,"I mean, what kind of loser has his bachelor party ten yards from A.C. and doesn't even gamble?"
58372,182,8,22,Robin: Barney will take the envelope of cash I gave him and head straight into our trap.
58373,182,8,22,Hold on.
58374,182,8,22,You want us to rig a casino game to trick one of our former high rollers?
58375,182,8,22,Um...
58376,182,8,22,I love it.
58377,182,8,22,"Well, then you get Barney to use one of these guys as collateral."
58378,182,8,22,He'll probably choose me. What?
58379,182,8,22,"Well, I'd be worth more."
58380,182,8,22,Yeah. Perfect teeth.
58381,182,8,22,(clears throat)
58382,182,8,22,"Yeah, it's just, uh, just I'm way more athletic than you."
58383,182,8,22,"Yeah, this coming from the guy who's never beaten me at skee-ball."
58384,182,8,22,"The only reason a mobster might choose you is because they'd be afraid I'd go all ""Marshall Unchained"" on them, which obviously isn't a risk with you."
58385,182,8,22,"Oh, you want to see some ""Ted Unchained,"" huh?"
58386,182,8,22,I'll show you Ted Unchained!
58387,182,8,22,"Marshall, would you mind standing over there for good luck?"
58388,182,8,22,"Oh, yeah, sure."
58389,182,8,22,"Robin: Meanwhile, I'll make sure"
58390,182,8,22,he's abandoned me in my nightmare scenario.
58391,182,8,22,Hold on. You want me to help you trick my own son?
58392,182,8,22,I love it.
58393,182,8,22,(sighs)
58394,182,8,22,Barney deserves it.
58395,182,8,22,"You know, he told me you were a virgin."
58396,182,8,22,(scoffs)
58397,182,8,22,Ridiculous!
58398,182,8,22,I know.
58399,182,8,22,(laughs)
58400,182,8,22,You are a dirty ho-bag just like me.
58401,182,8,22,But he loves you so much.
58402,182,8,22,And so do I.
58403,182,8,22,(mouthing)
58404,182,8,22,"Wait, hold on. Is there any chance this is all too mean to Barney?"
58405,182,8,22,(laughter)
58406,182,8,22,Just kidding.
58407,182,8,22,"Okay, we just need the finale."
58408,182,8,22,Oh! The Chinese mobsters chop off my hand right in front of Barney!
58409,182,8,22,"Yes, we're all equally enthused!"
58410,182,8,22,"Okay, here's the plan. After I storm off..."
58411,182,8,22,Marshall: Barney!
58412,182,8,22,"Barney, hurry! Give them the money!"
58413,182,8,22,"Please, hurry! Oh, no!"
58414,182,8,22,"The Chinese mobster is giving Marshall back and taking me hostage instead, because he says I'm obviously more valuable!"
58415,182,8,22,"Can you, can you unlock the door?"
58416,182,8,22,"Barney, please!"
58417,182,8,22,They're gonna chop off my hand!
58418,182,8,22,"No, they're not!"
58419,182,8,22,"They said you're free, and I think we agreed that's not something mobsters would do."
58420,182,8,22,"Ted, come on! This is my thing!"
58421,182,8,22,Don't hurt him.
58422,182,8,22,I've got the money.
58423,182,8,22,Too late!
58424,182,8,22,(screaming)
58425,182,8,22,Not my skee-ball hand!
58426,182,8,22,No...! No...!
58427,182,8,22,No!
58428,182,8,22,"Please, just don't shoot me in the face... or the crotch!"
58429,182,8,22,All: Surprise!
58430,182,8,22,What's going on?
58431,182,8,22,"Well, we decided to give you everything you wanted for your bachelor party without you even realizing it."
58432,182,8,22,"Wait, so that's why you made me think Marshall might die?"
58433,182,8,22,And I'd lost all that money and my friends hated me and my wedding was off?
58434,182,8,22,You just decided to-to check off everything on this list in the most twisted way imaginable?
58435,182,8,22,That is awesome!
58436,182,8,22,And it was all planned by a girl.
58437,182,8,22,(laughs): Wow!
58438,182,8,22,"So, Lily... later on tonight, you want to, um...?"
58439,182,8,22,"Whoa, whoa, whoa."
58440,182,8,22,That was all just part of the act.
58441,182,8,22,"Y-You knew that, right?"
58442,182,8,22,Yeah! Totally.
58443,182,8,22,"We pulled it off, right?"
58444,182,8,22,Platonic shake!
58445,182,8,22,"Everyone, everyone, thank you for an incredible bro mitzvah."
58446,182,8,22,Mazel brov!
58447,182,8,22,All: Mazel brov!
58448,182,8,22,(chuckles)
58449,182,8,22,"Mm, oh, you didn't really get everything on the list."
58450,182,8,22,"N-No offense to Ralph Macchio, but he ain't the Karate Kid."
58451,182,8,22,I couldn't agree with you more.
58452,182,8,22,"You know, they almost didn't get me."
58453,182,8,22,But after
58454,182,8,22,18 voice mails...
58455,182,8,22,I returned Robin's call.
58456,182,8,22,And she told me how you're one of the few people in the world who truly gets
58457,182,8,22,The Karate Kid movie.
58458,182,8,22,"So when she asked if I'd help, well, my answer just had to be..."
58459,182,8,22,Hai!
58460,182,8,22,William Zabka!
58461,183,8,23,"Narrator: In 1994, Robin's dad took her to New York City for the first time..."
58462,183,8,23,"This is amazing! Thank you, sir!"
58463,183,8,23,"Well, a little father-son bonding trip never hurt anyone."
58464,183,8,23,I-I did almost die from malnutrition on that wolf hunt last year...
58465,183,8,23,I had to almost kill you for you to learn how to kill.
58466,183,8,23,(sighs happily)
58467,183,8,23,"New York City's the best, eh?"
58468,183,8,23,"I despise it. It's like Edmonton, minus the arts and culture."
58469,183,8,23,"Come on, we'll miss our flight."
58470,183,8,23,I'll catch up.
58471,183,8,23,"One day, I'm gonna move here, marry a sophisticated big-city man with a sick mullet--"
58472,183,8,23,"like all the way down to his shoulder pads, and at night, he'll let me brush it... and I'll dig up this locket so it can be my ""something old"" at our wedding."
58473,183,8,23,ROBIN SENIOR: R.J.!
58474,183,8,23,"Coming, sir!"
58475,183,8,23,(whispering): I'll be back for you.
58476,183,8,23,"Back then, I was-I was too embarrassed to tell you why I've done that, but we're closer now."
58477,183,8,23,(phone ringing)
58478,183,8,23,I feel like I don't have to hide my feminine side anymore just because you've always wanted a...
58479,183,8,23,Son! It's Barney!
58480,183,8,23,Great!
58481,183,8,23,"I'll be there in 15, B-dawg."
58482,183,8,23,"Woof, woof!"
58483,183,8,23,(laughs)
58484,183,8,23,That's our thing.
58485,183,8,23,Uh... be where in 15?
58486,183,8,23,Laser tag.
58487,183,8,23,Never been. B-dawg's gonna teach me.
58488,183,8,23,"Look, I-I think that it's great that you and Barney are..."
58489,183,8,23,B-dawg.
58490,183,8,23,"...B-dawg are bonding, but, um... you agreed to help me with this."
58491,183,8,23,Fine.
58492,183,8,23,Where did you bury this tampon?
58493,183,8,23,It's a locket.
58494,183,8,23,"I'm sorry, I get all these girlie things confused."
58495,183,8,23,Do you need my help or not?
58496,183,8,23,"Nah, it's stupid."
58497,183,8,23,(laughs)
58498,183,8,23,"Narrator: So while Robin searched for her something old, Lily and Marshall packed for their something new:"
58499,183,8,23,Lily's year-long art consultant
58500,183,8,23,gig in Italy.
58501,183,8,23,I still can't believe we have to say goodbye to this place...
58502,183,8,23,"Oh. I know, baby."
58503,183,8,23,But look at it as an excuse to simplify our lives.
58504,183,8,23,"You know, we can't bring everything to Italy, so we gotta throw out some junk."
58505,183,8,23,"For example, look... my old Sasquatch binders that ""I could never throw away"""
58506,183,8,23,"because ""I was gonna be the guy who proved the existence of Bigfoot..."""
58507,183,8,23,These are obviously coming to Italy.
58508,183,8,23,But these handbags?
58509,183,8,23,Gonzo.
58510,183,8,23,No way!
58511,183,8,23,These have sentimental meaning to me.
58512,183,8,23,Didn't you shop-lift these in your 20s?
58513,183,8,23,"Yes, and I get very nostalgic for that time."
58514,183,8,23,"You get older, you have kids, you stop stealing, it's sad."
58515,183,8,23,Lily... we just don't have room for these.
58516,183,8,23,"Oh, but you get to keep your Bigfoot binders?"
58517,183,8,23,"Wait, why is this one just December 1999?"
58518,183,8,23,Oh. Y2K was coming.
58519,183,8,23,Lot of people took to the woods.
58520,183,8,23,Saw the truth.
58521,183,8,23,"Okay, Marshall, we don't have time to argue over what stays and what goes."
58522,183,8,23,"Ooh, you know who we gotta bring in?"
58523,183,8,23,"Okay, I agree he is good at this stuff, but he just gets so cocky."
58524,183,8,23,"No, he doesn't."
58525,183,8,23,So I heard you guys have a bit of a... packing situation.
58526,183,8,23,I acknowledge now this was a mistake.
58527,183,8,23,"Look, I came here to chew bubblegum and pack boxes."
58528,183,8,23,And I'm all out of bubble...
58529,183,8,23,"(gulps, chokes)"
58530,183,8,23,"(coughing): Oh, my God.... Oh, my God."
58531,183,8,23,I swallowed it.
58532,183,8,23,Is that bad?
58533,183,8,23,"Okay, thank you."
58534,183,8,23,"Well, Dr. Goldsmith says I should be fine."
58535,183,8,23,I just have to look for it in my stool.
58536,183,8,23,So as I was saying...
58537,183,8,23,I heard you guys have a bit of a... packing situation.
58538,183,8,23,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x23 ♪
58539,183,8,23,Something Old
58540,183,8,23,"Original Air Date on May 6, 2013"
58541,183,8,23,"Now, as you know, I'm a bit of a legend when it comes to packing."
58542,183,8,23,We know. We know.
58543,183,8,23,Tales are still told
58544,183,8,23,of the time I traveled all through Spain...
58545,183,8,23,...for two weeks...
58546,183,8,23,...with everything I needed efficiently packed into a hands-free belt satchel.
58547,183,8,23,The locals called me...
58548,183,8,23,"Yeah, it's not a ""hands-free belt satchel,"" Ted."
58549,183,8,23,It's a fanny pack.
58550,183,8,23,It's not a fanny pack.
58551,183,8,23,"In Spanish,"
58552,183,8,23,El Ganso con la Riñonera
58553,183,8,23,"means ""Fanny Pack Dork."""
58554,183,8,23,"No, it doesn't."
58555,183,8,23,"It means ""Packer of Great Skill and Merit."""
58556,183,8,23,Narrator: I looked it up.
58557,183,8,23,"It means""Fanny Pack Dork."""
58558,183,8,23,"And as a Packer of Great Skill and Merit, I will tell you how to pack with Tetris-like precision."
58559,183,8,23,"We get it, you pack a lot in your fanny."
58560,183,8,23,Obvious yet delightful.
58561,183,8,23,Ted: Okay.
58562,183,8,23,I got a big interview at 3:00
58563,183,8,23,about possibly designing another building.
58564,183,8,23,"Until then, if you abide by my rulings, I will tell you what goes to Italy and what goes in... The Triangle."
58565,183,8,23,"Narrator: Kids, as you know, ""The Bermuda Triangle"""
58566,183,8,23,"was the name we gave to the curb right outside our apartment, which possessed the magical ability to make any item disappear."
58567,183,8,23,Instantly.
58568,183,8,23,"The biggest rule for de-cluttering is, ""Have you used it in the last year?"""
58569,183,8,23,If not... Triangle.
58570,183,8,23,Have you used this jump rope in the last year?
58571,183,8,23,(scoffs) Are you kidding?
58572,183,8,23,"I hop threads every morning, son!"
58573,183,8,23,Do three in a row and you can keep it.
58574,183,8,23,"Well-played, Mosby."
58575,183,8,23,Next!
58576,183,8,23,Have you used it in the last year?
58577,183,8,23,"Gee, I can't remember."
58578,183,8,23,Are you trying to bribe me?
58579,183,8,23,I don't know what you're talking about.
58580,183,8,23,(coughing): Take it.
58581,183,8,23,Triangle!
58582,183,8,23,(whimpers)
58583,183,8,23,Next!
58584,183,8,23,(laughing)
58585,183,8,23,"Wow, you're a natural... Dad."
58586,183,8,23,"You know, I love Robin."
58587,183,8,23,"And her sister's okay, I guess."
58588,183,8,23,But there's something nice about finally having... a son.
58589,183,8,23,A s...
58590,183,8,23,(choked up): I...
58591,183,8,23,"Cristalli twins, nine o'clock!"
58592,183,8,23,(Barney laughs evilly)
58593,183,8,23,Now make like your mommy's ovum and split!
58594,183,8,23,(laughs)
58595,183,8,23,"Solid biology joke, B-dawg."
58596,183,8,23,"Both: Woof, woof!"
58597,183,8,23,(laughs)
58598,183,8,23,"Narrator: Now, I'll admit, to the untrained eye, a few of my packing rulings may have seemed arbitrary."
58599,183,8,23,Let's Go Italy? Triangle.
58600,183,8,23,Triangle... let's go Italy.
58601,183,8,23,A gorilla suit and a blonde wig.
58602,183,8,23,Have you used either of these in the last year?
58603,183,8,23,(grunting)
58604,183,8,23,"(silly high-pitched voice): Please, Queen Kong... be gentle."
58605,183,8,23,(growling)
58606,183,8,23,"Nope, haven't used those."
58607,183,8,23,I don't think those even belong to us.
58608,183,8,23,"Okay, here's an easy one."
58609,183,8,23,"A leaky, ten-year-old beanbag chair covered in beer, bong water and fossilized Cool Ranch Dorito fingerprints."
58610,183,8,23,Italy.
58611,183,8,23,Vieni ancora per Fudge Grande?
58612,183,8,23,"Guys, this chair has been here forever."
58613,183,8,23,You gotta take it with you.
58614,183,8,23,Italy. MARSHALL: Ted...
58615,183,8,23,"Italy doesn't need something that is wrinkled, red and leaky, and smells like booze and narcotics."
58616,183,8,23,They've already got former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.
58617,183,8,23,(laughs)
58618,183,8,23,I don't know who that is.
58619,183,8,23,All rulings are final.
58620,183,8,23,"Okay, why are things that we like getting ""Triangled"""
58621,183,8,23,and crap you like sneaks through? Like what?
58622,183,8,23,That old 50-pound karaoke machine.
58623,183,8,23,Come on!
58624,183,8,23,We sang in the New Year in '02
58625,183,8,23,"on this thing, remember?"
58626,183,8,23,We were Destiny's Child!
58627,183,8,23,"And since I was Beyonce , I'm pretty sure I get final say here, so..."
58628,183,8,23,"Oh, we were not your backup singers, bitch, we were a group."
58629,183,8,23,"I'm sorry, are you guys married to Jay-Z, or am I married to Jay-Z?"
58630,183,8,23,Italy.
58631,183,8,23,(feedback squeals)
58632,183,8,23,(laser guns firing)
58633,183,8,23,(grunting)
58634,183,8,23,Wow.
58635,183,8,23,The way you used that kid having an asthma attack as a human shield?
58636,183,8,23,That took my breath away.
58637,183,8,23,"Yeah. Okay, next, I'll be point guy and you lay down cover."
58638,183,8,23,"So I'm... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... are you suggesting that I will not be point guy?"
58639,183,8,23,(laughs)
58640,183,8,23,"Look, if Michael Jordan's healthy, you don't let Scottie Pippen run the offense."
58641,183,8,23,"Oh, you're from Canada, right."
58642,183,8,23,If... how do I put this?
58643,183,8,23,"If Wayne Gretzky's healthy, you don't let... uh..."
58644,183,8,23,François...
58645,183,8,23,What I'm saying is: hockey is stupid and I'm point guy.
58646,183,8,23,"Well, I'm point guy or I'm off the team."
58647,183,8,23,Gah! You are the most stubborn human being I have ever met!
58648,183,8,23,You better get used to it... you're marrying a Scherbatsky.
58649,183,8,23,"Your daughter is not even a fraction as obstinate, stubborn and... insane as you are!"
58650,183,8,23,"Where are you, you son of a bitch?!"
58651,183,8,23,"Look away, kids, she's about to pee."
58652,183,8,23,What...?
58653,183,8,23,I am not some animal.
58654,183,8,23,I peed 20 minutes ago and I buried it neatly because I am a lady!
58655,183,8,23,"Ted, we haven't used this chair in the last year."
58656,183,8,23,"Ergo, Triangle."
58657,183,8,23,"Yeah, I guess I see your point."
58658,183,8,23,"I mean, if you haven't used it in the last year..."
58659,183,8,23,Oh! (laughs)
58660,183,8,23,Using it!
58661,183,8,23,Italy!
58662,183,8,23,Triangle!
58663,183,8,23,Italy.
58664,183,8,23,Triangle! Triangle!
58665,183,8,23,Italy.
58666,183,8,23,"Okay, stop!"
58667,183,8,23,"Every time he lands, that chair farts out ten-year-old Dorito dust."
58668,183,8,23,"Yeah, it's the chair."
58669,183,8,23,"Guys, trust me: you're gonna want this chair in Italy."
58670,183,8,23,I... it'll feel like home.
58671,183,8,23,"All right, buddy."
58672,183,8,23,You win. Italy.
58673,183,8,23,Really? Yeah.
58674,183,8,23,We asked you to be the judge here and we gotta trust your opinion.
58675,183,8,23,She's right.
58676,183,8,23,And with all the traveling that we'll be doing... we could probably use a couple of your... hands-free belt satchels.
58677,183,8,23,You said they were lame.
58678,183,8,23,"I hate to admit it, but they actually sound useful."
58679,183,8,23,Could you buy us a couple?
58680,183,8,23,"Two hands-free belt satchels, coming right up."
58681,183,8,23,"Oh, and don't worry, I'll get cool colors so you guys don't look like whatever the Spanish term really is for ""Fanny Pack Dork."""
58682,183,8,23,"Men, it's us... versus them."
58683,183,8,23,Our actions here today will echo through eternity...
58684,183,8,23,"Stand up straight, Kaden!"
58685,183,8,23,"I only have one rule, you worthless maggots: We all respect each other."
58686,183,8,23,"I only have one rule: For every three tens you bang, throw a bone to a five."
58687,183,8,23,"They're grateful and hard-working and let's face it, sometimes you just want to lay there."
58688,183,8,23,What's that got to do with Laser Tag?
58689,183,8,23,Everything!
58690,183,8,23,"...and we will prevail, even if it takes all night!"
58691,183,8,23,Tanner.
58692,183,8,23,I have to be home by 4:00.
58693,183,8,23,(ray gun zapping)
58694,183,8,23,Anyone else have any scheduling issues?
58695,183,8,23,You can take down anyone on their team... but I want the big man for myself.
58696,183,8,23,What's your beef with oldie?
58697,183,8,23,He's... my father.
58698,183,8,23,Father-in-law.
58699,183,8,23,"Shut up, Kai."
58700,183,8,23,Wait a second...
58701,183,8,23,"We get it, you pack a lot in your fanny."
58702,183,8,23,Obvious yet delightful.
58703,183,8,23,"Oh, no!"
58704,183,8,23,No!
58705,183,8,23,El Ganso! El Ganso!
58706,183,8,23,Liars!
58707,183,8,23,You sent me on a fool's errand.
58708,183,8,23,"Okay, to be fair, buying a fanny pack is inherently a fool's errand."
58709,183,8,23,Hands-free belt satchels.
58710,183,8,23,"And just for that, I will not move from this chair until you agree to keep it!"
58711,183,8,23,"Ted, unlike that chair, you, sir, are full of beans."
58712,183,8,23,You have a job interview in half an hour.
58713,183,8,23,Screw the interview.
58714,183,8,23,I'm staying.
58715,183,8,23,And because the forecast calls for rain...
58716,183,8,23,This... is a raincoat.
58717,183,8,23,(groans)
58718,183,8,23,(sighs)
58719,183,8,23,Go for Barney.
58720,183,8,23,Hey. Um...
58721,183,8,23,I'm having an issue.
58722,183,8,23,"Now, listen, Robin... is this urgent or can we talk about it later?"
58723,183,8,23,"Nah, it's stupid."
58724,183,8,23,Have fun.
58725,183,8,23,(laughing)
58726,183,8,23,"So long, losers!"
58727,183,8,23,(laughing)
58728,183,8,23,Um...
58729,183,8,23,"Look, can you guys help me down?"
58730,183,8,23,I... um...
58731,183,8,23,"Ted, if this chair really means that much to you, why don't you just take it for yourself?"
58732,183,8,23,"No, it's important that you keep it."
58733,183,8,23,Why?
58734,183,8,23,This is the first thing we bought when we moved here after college.
58735,183,8,23,It was the only piece of furniture we had for a week.
58736,183,8,23,And now you two are
58737,183,8,23,moving to Italy.
58738,183,8,23,"What if our friendship doesn't pass the ""Have you used it in a year"" test?"
58739,183,8,23,"If you can throw out this chair... who's to say you can't throw me out, too?"
58740,183,8,23,That could never happen.
58741,183,8,23,"You're not a chair, you're our best friend."
58742,183,8,23,"You can say that, but a lot can change in a year."
58743,183,8,23,"Buddy, I..."
58744,183,8,23,"Look, I know I'm being crazy."
58745,183,8,23,I just...
58746,183,8,23,I just need a moment with this chair.
58747,183,8,23,You know... to say good-bye.
58748,183,8,23,We'll give you two some space.
58749,183,8,23,
58750,183,8,23,"Narrator: Kids, you can't cling to the past."
58751,183,8,23,Because no matter how tightly you hold on...
58752,183,8,23,...it's already gone.
58753,183,8,23,Hello?
58754,183,8,23,Hi.
58755,183,8,23,"I'm at the Central Park Carousel and, um..."
58756,183,8,23,I'm having a little bit of an issue.
58757,183,8,23,"Uh, what kind of issue?"
58758,183,8,23,"Actually, it's a long story..."
58759,183,8,23,"Um, Robin, listen, I'm-I'm late for a big meeting."
58760,183,8,23,Is it important?
58761,183,8,23,"Nah, it's stupid."
58762,183,8,23,Good luck.
58763,183,8,23,"All right, here's the bottom line, cockroaches."
58764,183,8,23,There's no end in sight and we've got no provisions.
58765,183,8,23,"If it comes down to it, I need a volunteer to let the rest of us... eat him."
58766,183,8,23,Barney's team seems way more fun.
58767,183,8,23,Nonsense.
58768,183,8,23,Candy for everyone!
58769,183,8,23,(kids whooping)
58770,183,8,23,"Okay, Team Animal House... who wants to try a cigar?"
58771,183,8,23,Yeah! Yay! (laughs)
58772,183,8,23,"I'm not saying we're gonna start with your face or anything, but is there seriously no one here willing to give up a hand or a foot?"
58773,183,8,23,We're outta here!
58774,183,8,23,"Ted, why are you here?"
58775,183,8,23,You had that meeting; I told you not to come.
58776,183,8,23,"You said, ""Nah, it's stupid,"""
58777,183,8,23,"which is Robin-ese for, ""It's important."""
58778,183,8,23,Everyone knows that.
58779,183,8,23,Well... not everyone.
58780,183,8,23,But you shouldn't have skipped that meeting.
58781,183,8,23,Was it important?
58782,183,8,23,"Nah, it's stupid."
58783,183,8,23,"And yet, my future husband--"
58784,183,8,23,who I sometimes fear is troublingly similar to my emotionally unavailable father--
58785,183,8,23,"is off shooting laser guns with, oh, yeah, you guessed it: my emotionally unavailable father."
58786,183,8,23,"Oh, come on, that's not fair."
58787,183,8,23,"If you told Barney that you needed him, he'd be here in a heartbeat."
58788,183,8,23,I didn't have to tell you.
58789,183,8,23,And you're here.
58790,183,8,23,You don't even know why.
58791,183,8,23,Seems like I'm here to dig.
58792,183,8,23,(kids' ray guns zapping)
58793,183,8,23,"Looking for ""D""s?"
58794,183,8,23,"Long story short, I promised my future self the locket would be my ""something old"" at my wedding."
58795,183,8,23,What?
58796,183,8,23,"No, I just like that there was ever a version of you who imagined having a ""something old"" at your wedding."
58797,183,8,23,Robin Scherbatsky--
58798,183,8,23,you're a girl.
58799,183,8,23,Shut up. You're a girl.
58800,183,8,23,That's been established.
58801,183,8,23,The new information here is that you're a girl.
58802,183,8,23,Wait... is that...?
58803,183,8,23,"Oh, my God, I found it."
58804,183,8,23,"(sighs, laughs)"
58805,183,8,23,Okay... what's really going on with this locket?
58806,183,8,23,(sighs)
58807,183,8,23,I'm gonna admit something that I couldn't admit until I found this.
58808,183,8,23,I've been having fears about marrying Barney.
58809,183,8,23,"I mean, in many ways, he's-he's grown up into a mature, caring adult..."
58810,183,8,23,I'm gonna shoot you with your own gun.
58811,183,8,23,(laughs manically)
58812,183,8,23,...but I still don't know if he's ready for this.
58813,183,8,23,I still don't know if I am.
58814,183,8,23,But if I could find this locket--
58815,183,8,23,"if it was still here, waiting for me--"
58816,183,8,23,that would mean that the Universe wanted me to marry Barney.
58817,183,8,23,And that everything was gonna be okay.
58818,183,8,23,"And when it was gone, it was like... every doubt I-I ever had about Barney, about myself, got dug up."
58819,183,8,23,But I found it. (laughs)
58820,183,8,23,And everything's gonna be okay.
58821,183,8,23,Any last words?
58822,183,8,23,"You know, seeing you on the field of battle--"
58823,183,8,23,"ruthless, manipulative, untrustworthy--"
58824,183,8,23,you've got all the qualities I would've wanted in a son.
58825,183,8,23,"Now I say to you the last words my father said to me: ""Shoot me already."""
58826,183,8,23,"Or we could keep playing, if you want."
58827,183,8,23,"Nah, it's stupid."
58828,183,8,23,"Okay, Team Animal House, I got him!"
58829,183,8,23,Come on out!
58830,183,8,23,"You're point guy, R-dawg."
58831,183,8,23,"Both: Woof, woof."
58832,183,8,23,(ray guns zapping)
58833,183,8,23,(phone blips)
58834,183,8,23,(phone blips)
58835,183,8,23,"Oh, thank God."
58836,183,8,23,This is a sign from the Universe.
58837,183,8,23,It's not a sign from the Universe...
58838,183,8,23,"Yes, it is!"
58839,183,8,23,The-the locket is just gone and you're telling me that doesn't mean anything?
58840,183,8,23,"You know this is a bad omen, Ted-- you're Universe Guy!"
58841,183,8,23,And you're Skeptic Girl!
58842,183,8,23,You're-you're not supposed to believe any of that.
58843,183,8,23,"Well, maybe I've grown skeptical of being skeptical."
58844,183,8,23,(voice breaking): This is a sign.
58845,183,8,23,"Look, it's not a sign."
58846,183,8,23,You're doing the right thing marrying Barney.
58847,183,8,23,The Universe isn't sending you some message.
58848,183,8,23,(thunder crashes)
58849,183,8,23,"As we know from science, rain is liquid water in the form of droplets which have condensed from atmospheric vapor and then precipitated."
58850,183,8,23,It's not a sign.
58851,183,8,23,"Ted, this is a sign and you know it."
58852,183,8,23,"I mean, the Universe is screaming at me right now!"
58853,183,8,23,"How-how-how can you, of all people, tell me to ignore that?"
58854,183,8,23,"Because maybe it's dumb to look for ""signs from the Universe."""
58855,183,8,23,"I mean, maybe the Universe has better things to do."
58856,183,8,23,"Dear God, I hope it does."
58857,183,8,23,"Do you know how many ""signs"" I've gotten that I should or shouldn't be with someone?"
58858,183,8,23,And where has it gotten me?
58859,183,8,23,Maybe there aren't any signs.
58860,183,8,23,"Maybe... maybe a locket's just a locket, a chair is just a chair."
58861,183,8,23,Maybe we don't have to give meaning to every little thing.
58862,183,8,23,Maybe we don't... maybe we don't need the Universe to tell us what we really want.
58863,183,8,23,"Maybe we already know that, deep down."
58864,183,8,23,♪ Sharpen them with lies
58865,183,8,23,♪ And whatever's going down
58866,183,8,23,♪ Will follow you around
58867,184,8,24,"Narrator: Kids, in the spring of 2013, we were all tying up loose ends before the big wedding."
58868,184,8,24,"I was right here in this very room, putting the finishing touches on the house."
58869,184,8,24,"Oh, come on!"
58870,184,8,24,Narrator: Barney and Robin were wrapping up rehearsal for their first dance.
58871,184,8,24,That was amazing. We can do better.
58872,184,8,24,"Back to one, everyone!"
58873,184,8,24,"Reload the cannons, we'll go again right away."
58874,184,8,24,(sighs)
58875,184,8,24,Narrator: And Lily and Marshall were packing for their year in Italy.
58876,184,8,24,(phone rings)
58877,184,8,24,Hello.
58878,184,8,24,How's my favorite daughter-in-law?
58879,184,8,24,"Oh, things are a bit crazy here."
58880,184,8,24,"We've got this big move to Rome coming up, and I, I just can't shake the feeling that I'm forgetting something, you know."
58881,184,8,24,"I know, I know, I'm being crazy, right?"
58882,184,8,24,"Right, Judy?"
58883,184,8,24,"Right, Judy?"
58884,184,8,24,You're moving to Rome?!
58885,184,8,24,(whispering): Is that my mom?
58886,184,8,24,Don't mention Rome.
58887,184,8,24,♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x24 ♪
58888,184,8,24,Something New
58889,184,8,24,"Original Air Date on May 13, 2013"
58890,184,8,24,You didn't tell your mom about Rome?
58891,184,8,24,It didn't feel right.
58892,184,8,24,This isn't over-the-phone news.
58893,184,8,24,This is face-to-face news.
58894,184,8,24,I was gonna tell her when we see her at Christmas.
58895,184,8,24,You were gonna wait and tell her after we had already been living there for six months?
58896,184,8,24,That... was a great plan.
58897,184,8,24,Damn it.
58898,184,8,24,"Hey, Mom, it's Marshall."
58899,184,8,24,"If you're moving to Rome, I at least need to see my grandson before you go!"
58900,184,8,24,"Of course, and that is why we would love for you to come visit us for a week."
58901,184,8,24,No.
58902,184,8,24,The place will be all packed up.
58903,184,8,24,"Oh, oh, uh, okay, hey, Mom, better idea: how about we all come visit you for a week?"
58904,184,8,24,I can't go to Minnesota for a week.
58905,184,8,24,I have a job.
58906,184,8,24,"Okay, Mom, here's the plan: um, Lily has to work, so Marvin and I will come visit you for a whole week, and I-I'll see if I can get a last-minute flight."
58907,184,8,24,You are going to take my infant son away from me for a whole week?
58908,184,8,24,Whoo!
58909,184,8,24,"So, what do you want to do tonight--"
58910,184,8,24,"drink ourselves blind, set a car on fire?"
58911,184,8,24,"(gasps) Ooh, watch a movie that doesn't start with a desk lamp jumping on top of a capital ""I""?"
58912,184,8,24,"I'm all yours, Teddy Westside."
58913,184,8,24,"Actually, tonight it's Teddy Westchester."
58914,184,8,24,"Got to head up to the house, take care of some stuff."
58915,184,8,24,"Oh, yeah, how's the restoration going?"
58916,184,8,24,"Actually, done."
58917,184,8,24,You finished the house?
58918,184,8,24,"Well, I want to see it."
58919,184,8,24,"Marshall already canceled the cable, huh?"
58920,184,8,24,And the Wi-Fi. It's like Little House on the Freaking Prairie
58921,184,8,24,up there.
58922,184,8,24,Mm-hmm.
58923,184,8,24,"Well, the wedding planning is done, so tonight is all about relaxing and celebrating everything that makes us awesome, which is why I requested our favorite table."
58924,184,8,24,The one by the window.
58925,184,8,24,Where we were sitting the night we saw those two bums fighting.
58926,184,8,24,Both: Over a sandwich.
58927,184,8,24,(both laughing)
58928,184,8,24,We almost called the cops.
58929,184,8,24,(sighs)
58930,184,8,24,And then we realized they weren't fighting at all.
58931,184,8,24,They were making love.
58932,184,8,24,(sighs)
58933,184,8,24,Over a sandwich.
58934,184,8,24,"Oh, I almost forgot."
58935,184,8,24,(gasps)
58936,184,8,24,"Ha-ha, yeah. No way, is that...?"
58937,184,8,24,El Piramide.
58938,184,8,24,The first cigar we ever smoked together.
58939,184,8,24,"Aw, Barney."
58940,184,8,24,(chuckles)
58941,184,8,24,Woman: Excuse me.
58942,184,8,24,Hi.
58943,184,8,24,Could you not? Thanks.
58944,184,8,24,"Uh... dude, I'm not gonna light 'em up in here."
58945,184,8,24,I'm just looking at 'em.
58946,184,8,24,"Right, but even when they're unlit, the smell-- it's very..."
58947,184,8,24,Pungent.
58948,184,8,24,Exactly--
58949,184,8,24,thank you.
58950,184,8,24,It's a very pungent smell.
58951,184,8,24,"So, could you not?"
58952,184,8,24,Thanks.
58953,184,8,24,Okay.
58954,184,8,24,(sighs)
58955,184,8,24,"I'm sorry, can you also put the bag away?"
58956,184,8,24,It-It's just really unappetizing to look at.
58957,184,8,24,You're unappetizing to look at.
58958,184,8,24,"You know what? Um, I'll put them away, okay?"
58959,184,8,24,Enjoy your night.
58960,184,8,24,We'll try.
58961,184,8,24,Did those two just become our archenemies?
58962,184,8,24,"No, Robin, they've always been our archenemies."
58963,184,8,24,They've only just revealed themselves.
58964,184,8,24,"Hi, Kristen?"
58965,184,8,24,Everyone pronounces it wrong.
58966,184,8,24,(groans)
58967,184,8,24,"The ""R"" is after the ""I"""""
58968,184,8,24,Kirsten.
58969,184,8,24,"And before the ""I"""""
58970,184,8,24,(sighs)
58971,184,8,24,It's Krirsten.
58972,184,8,24,Your table's ready.
58973,184,8,24,"Wow, they're ""trerrible"""""
58974,184,8,24,You know what?
58975,184,8,24,"Don't even think about them, okay?"
58976,184,8,24,"Tonight is about celebrating us. You're right, you're right."
58977,184,8,24,"We shouldn't let a couple... MAN: Nope, nope."
58978,184,8,24,I'm a self-diagnosed claustrophobic.
58979,184,8,24,I have to sit next to the window.
58980,184,8,24,"No, that's our table, that's our table, that's our table, that's our table, that's our table, that's our table."
58981,184,8,24,(groans)
58982,184,8,24,You know what?
58983,184,8,24,Screw celebrating us. You know what we're gonna do?
58984,184,8,24,"Both: Make those smug, obnoxious sons of bitches pay."
58985,184,8,24,Aw...
58986,184,8,24,(both giggle)
58987,184,8,24,Narrator: So Aunt Lily and I drove up to Westchester.
58988,184,8,24,(phone rings)
58989,184,8,24,"Hey, baby, how's Minnesota?"
58990,184,8,24,Marshall: It is so much fun.
58991,184,8,24,"Oh, hold on one sec."
58992,184,8,24,"Marshall, I made you this welcome-home ice cream sundae."
58993,184,8,24,"But I can't remember, do you like crushed nuts?"
58994,184,8,24,Marshall: I love crushed nuts.
58995,184,8,24,Oh!
58996,184,8,24,"Anyway, it's, it's great to be home."
58997,184,8,24,How's Judy doing?
58998,184,8,24,"Oh, she's great."
58999,184,8,24,"It's cute, you know, she keeps joking about how she's not gonna let us leave."
59000,184,8,24,I'm really not.
59001,184,8,24,It's not a joke.
59002,184,8,24,(laughing)
59003,184,8,24,(all laughing)
59004,184,8,24,Judy's going to talk him out of going to Rome.
59005,184,8,24,"I knew something was going to screw up our plans, and this is it."
59006,184,8,24,She is going to convince him never to leave the country.
59007,184,8,24,I think you're imagining things.
59008,184,8,24,"Oh, yeah? Well, check out what's already on Facebook."
59009,184,8,24,Inconclusive.
59010,184,8,24,"Oh, really?"
59011,184,8,24,It's getting conclusiver.
59012,184,8,24,"Hey, Lily."
59013,184,8,24,What? Come on.
59014,184,8,24,"Okay, open 'em."
59015,184,8,24,"Your eyes-- sorry, they should have been closed."
59016,184,8,24,That one's on me.
59017,184,8,24,Let's try again.
59018,184,8,24,Wow.
59019,184,8,24,"Ted, you did this all yourself?"
59020,184,8,24,Just like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.
59021,184,8,24,"I was pretty manly till I mentioned Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, huh?"
59022,184,8,24,"Even I haven't seen it, Ted."
59023,184,8,24,"Just think, this is the house your kids are going to grow up in."
59024,184,8,24,They are going to roast marshmallows in this fireplace.
59025,184,8,24,They're gonna experiment with recreational drugs on that porch.
59026,184,8,24,They're gonna sit on a couch right here and listen to your boring stories about...
59027,184,8,24,"""For sale"" sign?"
59028,184,8,24,Are you selling this place?
59029,184,8,24,Yeah.
59030,184,8,24,Why?
59031,184,8,24,Because I'm moving to Chicago.
59032,184,8,24,Ow.
59033,184,8,24,"So, what are we gonna do--"
59034,184,8,24,"put something in their food, key their car? Ooh, do either of those cigars explode?"
59035,184,8,24,"Hold on, Wile E. Coyote, I think I got something."
59036,184,8,24,He's checking out the hostess.
59037,184,8,24,"Now, a guy who's happily in a relationship sees a girl like that, he'll check her out maybe 14, 15 times, tops."
59038,184,8,24,"16 times, tops."
59039,184,8,24,So Krirsten's more invested in the relationship than her fella is.
59040,184,8,24,That could spell trouble.
59041,184,8,24,Challenge accepted.
59042,184,8,24,"Hey, do you think it's bad luck for a bride to break up two strangers a week before her wedding?"
59043,184,8,24,I'd say it's very bad luck... for Krirsten.
59044,184,8,24,(both laughing)
59045,184,8,24,"Ow, I hate this table so much!"
59046,184,8,24,Why would you move to Chicago?
59047,184,8,24,Because it's the perfect town for me.
59048,184,8,24,"I-It's like a Clevelandy New York, and-- don't act like you haven't noticed--"
59049,184,8,24,my hair excels in the wind.
59050,184,8,24,"Besides, you're moving to Rome."
59051,184,8,24,"Yeah, for a year, a-and when we get back, we need you to be here waiting for us, hopefully living in this house with your future bride."
59052,184,8,24,Wha... what future bride?
59053,184,8,24,The girl.
59054,184,8,24,"She's out there walking around New York City right now, probably in a pair of really cute boots that she's gonna let me borrow whenever I want because we're the same size."
59055,184,8,24,"She is out there, Ted."
59056,184,8,24,"Is she, really? Because I've looked."
59057,184,8,24,I have looked high and low for someone I can love and adore and cook waffles for.
59058,184,8,24,The closest I've come is Marshall.
59059,184,8,24,He does love your waffles.
59060,184,8,24,It's the cinnamon.
59061,184,8,24,I add cinnamon.
59062,184,8,24,She's not in New York.
59063,184,8,24,Maybe she's in Chicago.
59064,184,8,24,(phone rings)
59065,184,8,24,"Okay, you are being ridiculous."
59066,184,8,24,You are going to find someone here in New York that you love just as much as I love Marshall.
59067,184,8,24,"And you, if you let Judy talk you out of going to Italy, so help me, I will never let you stuff my ravioli again."
59068,184,8,24,I'm gonna take you off speaker.
59069,184,8,24,"Lily, you got to relax."
59070,184,8,24,"Okay, my mom is psyched about Italy."
59071,184,8,24,She keeps making jokes about how she's gonna come live with us in Rome and sleep on the couch and cook every meal for us so we never have to go to a restaurant the whole year we're there.
59072,184,8,24,It's not a joke.
59073,184,8,24,"By not saying no to me right now, you are giving me your full consent for that to happen."
59074,184,8,24,(laughs)
59075,184,8,24,(laughing and mumbling)
59076,184,8,24,(forced laugh)
59077,184,8,24,I got to go.
59078,184,8,24,
59079,184,8,24,"Barney: ""I'm probably saying some political stuff right now to sound smart."""
59080,184,8,24,"""I'm probably referring to some snooty podcast to sound even smarter."""
59081,184,8,24,"""I'm probably saying something in French."""
59082,184,8,24,Aah!
59083,184,8,24,My God...
59084,184,8,24,Ow.
59085,184,8,24,"Okay, you want to break them up?"
59086,184,8,24,I got a plan.
59087,184,8,24,"It's something I know has worked in the past, but it-it's, it's risky, so it's, it's not too late to call it off."
59088,184,8,24,"No way, I'm in."
59089,184,8,24,"Good, 'cause it's too late to call it off."
59090,184,8,24,Observe.
59091,184,8,24,And that is why the senate can't push anything through.
59092,184,8,24,And Doug Mand said the same thing in his podcast.
59093,184,8,24,"It's like, ""Après moi le déluge!"""
59094,184,8,24,(laughing)
59095,184,8,24,Ooh.
59096,184,8,24,"Oh, my gosh."
59097,184,8,24,"Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh."
59098,184,8,24,"Yes, yes, yes."
59099,184,8,24,Yes!
59100,184,8,24,Man: What?
59101,184,8,24,KRIRSTEN: Yes!
59102,184,8,24,I will marry you!
59103,184,8,24,(chuckles) Even though a ring in a champagne glass is a total cliché
59104,184,8,24,and this is a cushion cut.
59105,184,8,24,And how long have I been hinting that I want a princess cut?
59106,184,8,24,But yes!
59107,184,8,24,That's a mistake. That's not from me.
59108,184,8,24,It's not?
59109,184,8,24,We've only been together seven years.
59110,184,8,24,Now it becomes clear. Here we go.
59111,184,8,24,You want commitment the same way you want my brother to work for you.
59112,184,8,24,I'm sorry I didn't put an engagement ring in your drink.
59113,184,8,24,"The way you chug booze, I'm surprised you even noticed."
59114,184,8,24,"So, when are you leaving?"
59115,184,8,24,Day after the wedding.
59116,184,8,24,What?
59117,184,8,24,You can't miss the day after the wedding.
59118,184,8,24,"That's when we sit around all hungover, drinking mimosas and talking smack about who looked fat."
59119,184,8,24,That's my Christmas.
59120,184,8,24,Why are you in such a rush to get out of there?
59121,184,8,24,Oh.
59122,184,8,24,Of course.
59123,184,8,24,You're not leaving because you think the love of your life isn't in New York.
59124,184,8,24,You're leaving because you think she is.
59125,184,8,24,"And this time next week, she'll be married to your best friend."
59126,184,8,24,(phone rings)
59127,184,8,24,(sighs) Baby!
59128,184,8,24,I am in the middle of something super dramatic here.
59129,184,8,24,"But real quick: If you let Judy come to Rome with us, you are going to have to find someone else to do your laundry and massage your feet."
59130,184,8,24,"Oh, my gosh, she's going to do all that, won't she?"
59131,184,8,24,"Lily, you have to stop freaking out."
59132,184,8,24,Nothing is going to screw up the plan.
59133,184,8,24,We're doing this.
59134,184,8,24,I love you.
59135,184,8,24,"I love you, baby. Bye."
59136,184,8,24,(phone rings)
59137,184,8,24,Hello?
59138,184,8,24,Hi. Marshall Eriksen?
59139,184,8,24,I'm calling from the New York State Judiciary Committee.
59140,184,8,24,"Uh, you applied for a judgeship a few months ago, remember?"
59141,184,8,24,"Uh, of... of course."
59142,184,8,24,"Well, I have good news."
59143,184,8,24,We have a last-minute opening on the bench.
59144,184,8,24,What are you saying to me right now?
59145,184,8,24,I'm saying congratulations.
59146,184,8,24,We want you to be a judge.
59147,184,8,24,"So, you want me to be a judge? Yes."
59148,184,8,24,And I would start a week from Tuesday? Yes.
59149,184,8,24,Could I maybe start a year from Tuesday?
59150,184,8,24,No.
59151,184,8,24,Got to be a week from Tuesday? Yes.
59152,184,8,24,And I'd be a real judge? Yes.
59153,184,8,24,With a robe? Yes.
59154,184,8,24,Gavel? Yes.
59155,184,8,24,Wacky Southern accent? No.
59156,184,8,24,"(bad Southern accent): Now, counselor, are you absolutely sure?"
59157,184,8,24,Yes.
59158,184,8,24,And I have to be in New York for this?
59159,184,8,24,Yes. I can't telecommute?
59160,184,8,24,No.
59161,184,8,24,I couldn't be the crazy speakerphone judge?
59162,184,8,24,No. Could I be a hologram?
59163,184,8,24,No. Animatronic robot like Abe Lincoln from the Hall of Presidents that I control from afar with a joystick?
59164,184,8,24,No.
59165,184,8,24,Do you remember the giant Jor-El head from Superman?
59166,184,8,24,"Yes. Well, what if I...?"
59167,184,8,24,No. Is there any way that I could do this and also spend the next year of my life in Italy with my wife? No.
59168,184,8,24,This is such a big decision.
59169,184,8,24,I-I'm not good at big decisions.
59170,184,8,24,Are you sure you want to be a judge?
59171,184,8,24,"Wow. Now that we've broken up a seven-year relationship just 'cause they stole our table, I feel kind of... Awesome?"
59172,184,8,24,"I was going to say horny, but yeah, awesome, too."
59173,184,8,24,(both laughing)
59174,184,8,24,No way.
59175,184,8,24,Are you kidding me? What?
59176,184,8,24,Barney: Whoa. Is there going to be a fight?
59177,184,8,24,"Okay, here's the play."
59178,184,8,24,"You take the girl, and the guy and I will watch."
59179,184,8,24,Hello. Just the people we want to see.
59180,184,8,24,We got in a pretty big fight because of you guys.
59181,184,8,24,We had to call our therapists after hours.
59182,184,8,24,Not cool.
59183,184,8,24,"Anyway, it got us to where we are now."
59184,184,8,24,We're getting married!
59185,184,8,24,And I'm taking her last name.
59186,184,8,24,You should think about doing the same thing.
59187,184,8,24,"Well, good night. Good night."
59188,184,8,24,Good night. Congratulations.
59189,184,8,24,"Yes, definitely."
59190,184,8,24,That was us.
59191,184,8,24,We made that happen.
59192,184,8,24,We're pretty cool.
59193,184,8,24,"And, you know, a week from today, we are going to be legend... wait for it..."
59194,184,8,24,Married.
59195,184,8,24,Legend-married. Legend-married.
59196,184,8,24,(both laughing)
59197,184,8,24,"Robin Scherbatsky, I love you so damn much."
59198,184,8,24,"I love you, too, Barney Scherbatsky."
59199,184,8,24,That sounds good.
59200,184,8,24,Shh. Think about it.
59201,184,8,24,Ted: They're happy.
59202,184,8,24,And I'm happy for them.
59203,184,8,24,I want them to have an amazing life together. I just...
59204,184,8,24,I just think it would be best for everyone if I wasn't around for it.
59205,184,8,24,Did something happen recently between you and Robin?
59206,184,8,24,No.
59207,184,8,24,"Where's the poop, Ted?"
59208,184,8,24,She called me up the other day.
59209,184,8,24,"She was trying to dig up this locket she had buried behind the Central Park Carousel, and I blew off that big interview to go help her."
59210,184,8,24,And then... it started raining.
59211,184,8,24,"I'll, uh..."
59212,184,8,24,I'll see you at the wedding.
59213,184,8,24,Yeah.
59214,184,8,24,"Ted: Even now, after all these years,"
59215,184,8,24,"there's still just this part of me where, if there's even the slightest chance something I do could make Robin smile, I don't even think about it--"
59216,184,8,24,I just do it.
59217,184,8,24,"I mean, if I could make that locket magically appear, I would."
59218,184,8,24,"I would open a vein in my arm if I could bleed that locket out, just to make her happy."
59219,184,8,24,That's just a really sucky way to feel about your best friend's fiancée.
59220,184,8,24,"So I'm going to come to the wedding, you know, I'll have a good time, but after that, I..."
59221,184,8,24,What?
59222,184,8,24,(sighs)
59223,184,8,24,I know where the locket is.
59224,184,8,24,What?
59225,184,8,24,I know where the locket is.
59226,184,8,24,"It-it was a few years ago,"
59227,184,8,24,right before you were supposed to marry Stella.
59228,184,8,24,"I went down to the bar one night to get a drink, and what should I see?"
59229,184,8,24,Lily!
59230,184,8,24,"Hey, girl."
59231,184,8,24,I got a question for you.
59232,184,8,24,Why isn't Ted marrying me?
59233,184,8,24,Whoa...
59234,184,8,24,"I'm sorry. Oh, God."
59235,184,8,24,I'm sorry.
59236,184,8,24,"I just... I-I should be happy for him, and yet here I am, moving off to Japan just to get away from him."
59237,184,8,24,And-and I guess to see those... those terra-cotta warriors and the Great Wall.
59238,184,8,24,"Well, that's China."
59239,184,8,24,What? This?
59240,184,8,24,"No, it's just a paper plate."
59241,184,8,24,(plate shatters)
59242,184,8,24,"Uh, we should get out of here."
59243,184,8,24,"Come on. Come on. Oh, totally."
59244,184,8,24,I know just where we should go.
59245,184,8,24,"Man, you're fast when you're drunk."
59246,184,8,24,But at least you're still making good decisions.
59247,184,8,24,"Central Park, around midnight, digging a hole with a spoon."
59248,184,8,24,Solid.
59249,184,8,24,Jackpot. (sighs)
59250,184,8,24,What is that?
59251,184,8,24,My something old.
59252,184,8,24,This locket was my grandma's.
59253,184,8,24,She kept it hidden in her butt all through World War II.
59254,184,8,24,What? Where was she?
59255,184,8,24,Winnipeg.
59256,184,8,24,(laughing)
59257,184,8,24,"Oh, come on."
59258,184,8,24,"Lily, it's a joke."
59259,184,8,24,"Yeah, I was going to wear this when I married Ted."
59260,184,8,24,I guess that's not going to happen.
59261,184,8,24,So I am taking it with me to Japan.
59262,184,8,24,"Okay, Lily, help me put this locket in my butt."
59263,184,8,24,"Okay. Uh, you know what?"
59264,184,8,24,Why don't we put it in this pencil box instead?
59265,184,8,24,"Oh, and then I will take the pencil box with me to Japan."
59266,184,8,24,"Okay. Hey, Lily?"
59267,184,8,24,Help me put this pencil box in my butt.
59268,184,8,24,(laughing)
59269,184,8,24,Wait!
59270,184,8,24,There's one other thing I have to do.
59271,184,8,24,"Lily, it's very important."
59272,184,8,24,It's something that needs to happen right now. Yeah?
59273,184,8,24,Then she barfed in my face.
59274,184,8,24,It was a lovely night.
59275,184,8,24,Wait. You put the locket in the race car pencil box?
59276,184,8,24,Yep. And then Robin took it to Japan.
59277,184,8,24,"No, she didn't."
59278,184,8,24,It's sitting on my desk at home right now.
59279,184,8,24,It's been with me all along.
59280,184,8,24,Ted. The locket is in the pencil box.
59281,184,8,24,This is awesome.
59282,184,8,24,Ted.
59283,184,8,24,"No, I just... I just mean, this is going to be the best wedding gift ever."
59284,184,8,24,It's going to blow her mind.
59285,184,8,24,Ted.
59286,184,8,24,Be careful.
59287,184,8,24,♪
59288,184,8,24,"♪ Well, this is just a simple song ♪♪ To say what you've done"
59289,184,8,24,♪ I told you about all those fears ♪
59290,184,8,24,♪ And away they did run
59291,184,8,24,♪ You sure must be strong
59292,184,8,24,♪ And you feel like an ocean
59293,184,8,24,♪ Being warmed by the sun...
59294,184,8,24,"Come on, we got to go."
59295,184,8,24,Wait. What am I forgetting?
59296,184,8,24,Nothing. You're not forgetting anything. Let's go.
59297,184,8,24,"Oh, wait, I'm forgetting something."
59298,184,8,24,What?
59299,184,8,24,♪ I swear that I dreamt Let's go get married. Yeah.
59300,184,8,24,♪ Your face on a football field and a kiss... ♪
59301,184,8,24,Marshall: Bottle for Marvin during takeoff.
59302,184,8,24,"Got it, baby."
59303,184,8,24,"Lily: And hey, just think, one week from right now..."
59304,184,8,24,We'll be in Italy.
59305,184,8,24,We'll be in Italy.
59306,184,8,24,"Okay, um, I-I got to go, baby."
59307,184,8,24,"Um, I love you."
59308,184,8,24,You still haven't told her.
59309,184,8,24,No.
59310,184,8,24,This is face-to-face news.
59311,184,8,24,Good luck with that...
59312,184,8,24,Your Honor.
59313,184,8,24,♪ Don't go thinking you gotta be tough ♪♪ To bleed like a stone Hello.
59314,184,8,24,♪ Could be there's nothing else... ♪
59315,184,8,24,You want me to grab your bag? Yeah. Thanks.
59316,184,8,24,(yells in pain)
59317,184,8,24,"Hey, I don't want to draw focus from the wedding, so... don't tell anyone about Chicago."
59318,184,8,24,It's a major city with a bunch of sports teams and some pretty good pizza.
59319,184,8,24,I think people know about Chicago.
59320,184,8,24,What time do you leave on Monday?
59321,184,8,24,Early.
59322,184,8,24,Gonna have to head back to the city Sunday night.
59323,184,8,24,How are you going to get back?
59324,184,8,24,Guess I'll take the train.
59325,184,8,24,♪ Remember walking a mile to your house ♪
59326,184,8,24,♪ A glow in the dark
59327,184,8,24,♪ I made a fumbling play for your heart ♪♪ And the act struck a spark
59328,184,8,24,♪ You wore a charm on the chain ♪
59329,184,8,24,♪ That I stole especial for you ♪♪ Love's such a delicate thing that we do ♪
59330,184,8,24,♪ With nothing to prove
59331,184,8,24,♪ Which I never knew.
59332,185,9,1,"NARRATOR: Kids, Barney and Robin's wedding turned out to be a life-changing weekend for all of us. Well, not just us."
59333,185,9,1,"One ticket to Farhampton, please."
59334,185,9,1,NARRATOR: But I'll get to that.
59335,185,9,1,(horn honks)
59336,185,9,1,Who are you honking at? You.
59337,185,9,1,You're going 40 in a 65.
59338,185,9,1,"Pick it up, Grandma!"
59339,185,9,1,"Look, I'm happy to rock it up into the 50s, but I'm gonna need a hand... or two."
59340,185,9,1,"Oh, no. Not the driving gloves."
59341,185,9,1,"In 99.9% of highway accidents, the driver was not wearing gloves."
59342,185,9,1,Because they're stupid.
59343,185,9,1,They don't help you drive better.
59344,185,9,1,That's why no one wears them.
59345,185,9,1,Then why is it called... the glove compartment?
59346,185,9,1,I am not having this argument again.
59347,185,9,1,"Now, as you know, a Mosby road trip is not only safe, but informative."
59348,185,9,1,Chiggedy-check it.
59349,185,9,1,Manhattan to Farhampton: Lil' and Ted's Excellent Adventure?
59350,185,9,1,That baby's stuffed to the rings with fun facts about our unsung neighbor to the east-- Long Island.
59351,185,9,1,"For instance, just up ahead, the historic childhood home of Florian van Otterloop, the Dutch bucklesmith who revolutionized the belt industry."
59352,185,9,1,"Uh, fun story about that color-blind genius."
59353,185,9,1,When he... Please stop!
59354,185,9,1,"Well, I was just gonna slow down for pictures, but that level of enthusiasm can't go unrewarded."
59355,185,9,1,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x01 ♪
59356,185,9,1,The Locket
59357,185,9,1,"Original Air Date on September 23, 2013"
59358,185,9,1,(phone chimes)
59359,185,9,1,Hmm.
59360,185,9,1,"Oh, look at my little cousins in their flower girl dresses."
59361,185,9,1,"Aw, they'll look so cute next to the ring bear."
59362,185,9,1,Yeah.
59363,185,9,1,"Wait, you said ring bear-er, right?"
59364,185,9,1,Ring bear.
59365,185,9,1,Ring bear-er.
59366,185,9,1,Ring bear.
59367,185,9,1,Are you planning some crazy stunt with a dangerous wild animal at our wedding?
59368,185,9,1,(phone chirps)
59369,185,9,1,Because...
59370,185,9,1,"Oh, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry."
59371,185,9,1,"Oh, boy."
59372,185,9,1,"My brother wants to know what time he ""goes on"" at the reception."
59373,185,9,1,What does that mean?
59374,185,9,1,"Every wedding he attends, James insists on... performing."
59375,185,9,1,♪ Islands in the stream
59376,185,9,1,♪ That is what we are
59377,185,9,1,♪ No one in between...
59378,185,9,1,So? What do you got against K-Rodge?
59379,185,9,1,Everybody loves
59380,185,9,1,The Gambler.
59381,185,9,1,Wait for it.
59382,185,9,1,♪ How can we be wrong?
59383,185,9,1,♪ Sail away with me to another world ♪
59384,185,9,1,"♪ And we rely on each other, uh-huh! ♪"
59385,185,9,1,That is nothing.
59386,185,9,1,"I have invited Scherbatskys from all over Canada, and they are Canuckin' nuts."
59387,185,9,1,Like my cousin Ruth from the Yukon.
59388,185,9,1,"I don't like to encourage Canadian stereotypes, but that woman practically rides a moose."
59389,185,9,1,(laughs)
59390,185,9,1,Does she actually ride a moose?
59391,185,9,1,Yeah.
59392,185,9,1,"And, uh, I'm worried she'll bring it to the wedding."
59393,185,9,1,She and the moose are... very close.
59394,185,9,1,Whoa.
59395,185,9,1,"Every wedding's got a wild card, but we've invited a whole set."
59396,185,9,1,"(accordion playin,[/i] gWedding March"")"
59397,185,9,1,Someone is gonna ruin this wedding.
59398,185,9,1,It's just a question of... who.
59399,185,9,1,I'm gonna ruin this wedding!
59400,185,9,1,My wife is gonna kill me!
59401,185,9,1,PILOT: Flight attendants prepare for departure.
59402,185,9,1,"We were gonna move to Italy for her dream job, so I brought my son here to Minnesota to see my mom before we left."
59403,185,9,1,"And then I got offered a job as a judge in New York City, which is my dream."
59404,185,9,1,But that'll totally destroy her dream!
59405,185,9,1,You are destroying a lot of dreams right now.
59406,185,9,1,(phone chimes)
59407,185,9,1,(chuckles)
59408,185,9,1,Wait.
59409,185,9,1,If I got this...
59410,185,9,1,(phone chimes)
59411,185,9,1,(sighs)
59412,185,9,1,Aren't you gonna check that?
59413,185,9,1,No.
59414,185,9,1,It-It's just another obnoxious update from Marshall's mom.
59415,185,9,1,"She's been posting these ""cute"" baby pics of Marvin, but it's all just propaganda."
59416,185,9,1,"First, it wa,[/i] sDon't move to Italy."""
59417,185,9,1,Followed by an extremely subtle
59418,185,9,1,guilt trip.
59419,185,9,1,"And then, randomly preachy."
59420,185,9,1,"Nah, not looking."
59421,185,9,1,It's just gonna piss me off.
59422,185,9,1,Why are we exiting again?
59423,185,9,1,"Well, if you turn in your binder to the section labele,[/i] dMennonite Windmills..."""
59424,185,9,1,Get back on the expressway now.
59425,185,9,1,(scoffs)
59426,185,9,1,The expressway's for gloveless amateurs.
59427,185,9,1,I'm done.
59428,185,9,1,There's a train station coming up; just drop me off.
59429,185,9,1,"Okay, but some newfangled train's not gonna stop at the 40-foot-tall butter churn in Ronkonkoma!"
59430,185,9,1,"Yes, but unlike any of your 18th-century stops, at least the train will have a 21st-century toilet!"
59431,185,9,1,You're a 21st-century toilet!
59432,185,9,1,(gasps)
59433,185,9,1,Train now!
59434,185,9,1,Fine!
59435,185,9,1,"Okay, so far, I've got 12 wild cards, not counting the ring bear."
59436,185,9,1,Ring bear-er.
59437,185,9,1,"Oh, oh, here's another one."
59438,185,9,1,You know how I found out that I'm one-quarter Canadian but I've completely blocked that out because your nation's ridiculous and I'm awesome?
59439,185,9,1,Sure.
59440,185,9,1,"Well, turns out, I have a crazy cousin Mitch on that side of the family."
59441,185,9,1,That's funny.
59442,185,9,1,"I have a crazy cousin Mitch, too."
59443,185,9,1,But I guarantee he is crazier than yours.
59444,185,9,1,He built his own house from timber he chopped down from other people's houses.
59445,185,9,1,That's funny.
59446,185,9,1,My cousin Mitch is a lumberjack.
59447,185,9,1,Except mine has six fingers.
59448,185,9,1,On one hand or total?
59449,185,9,1,Total.
59450,185,9,1,Are truckers always beating him up?
59451,185,9,1,"Yes, because he has to..."
59452,185,9,1,BOTH: ...hitchhike with his middle finger.
59453,185,9,1,Wait.
59454,185,9,1,Is it possible that we're...
59455,185,9,1,Could... c-could... could we be...?
59456,185,9,1,Shh...
59457,185,9,1,"Ranjit, could you be a dear and pull over for a second?"
59458,185,9,1,Pulling over!
59459,185,9,1,(both chuckle weakly)
59460,185,9,1,(both retching)
59461,185,9,1,"All right, train."
59462,185,9,1,Let's show your critics you're not just a Dumpster on wheels full of drunk idiots.
59463,185,9,1,CONDUCTOR: We're being held at this station until further notice.
59464,185,9,1,I got to sober up.
59465,185,9,1,(phone ringing)
59466,185,9,1,"Eriksen residence, Judy speaking."
59467,185,9,1,Why did you post that judge photo?
59468,185,9,1,Because I'm guilty... of being one proud mama!
59469,185,9,1,"Lily doesn't know that I took the job, so if she sees it, I'm dead."
59470,185,9,1,"Just take it down, okay?"
59471,185,9,1,Fine.
59472,185,9,1,Let me just get on the online so I can Internet.
59473,185,9,1,I love the lingo!
59474,185,9,1,(modem screeching)
59475,185,9,1,"Look, Mom, just-just... click on the photo on your wall, and then under ""menu"""" click on ""options"""""
59476,185,9,1,Some kind of advertisement popped on.
59477,185,9,1,"Oh, my."
59478,185,9,1,That appears to be pornography.
59479,185,9,1,"Just click on ""options"""""
59480,185,9,1,(whispering): It's men with other men.
59481,185,9,1,"(whispering loudly): Just click on ""options""!"
59482,185,9,1,Excuse me!
59483,185,9,1,Are there any other seats left on this plane?
59484,185,9,1,No.
59485,185,9,1,"Hell, I've been going to Pilates."
59486,185,9,1,I can just hang on to the landing gear like this.
59487,185,9,1,"Sorry, ma'am."
59488,185,9,1,"I only signed up for Pilates, I haven't actually started going yet."
59489,185,9,1,I didn't sign up.
59490,185,9,1,"LILY: No, I'm not looking."
59491,185,9,1,I don't need to see my child used against me.
59492,185,9,1,"My sweet, beautiful child who I haven't seen in a week... whose head smells like love and unicorn teardrops, and why are trains so lonely?!"
59493,185,9,1,"Damn it, I'm looking!"
59494,185,9,1,"WOMAN: Hey, are you okay?"
59495,185,9,1,You look stressed.
59496,185,9,1,"Plus, you muttered a few words out loud."
59497,185,9,1,"I heard ""lonely"" and ""unicorn,"" which actually gave me a great idea for a children's book, so thank you."
59498,185,9,1,Are you okay?
59499,185,9,1,No.
59500,185,9,1,But there's nothing you can do.
59501,185,9,1,Do you want a cookie?
59502,185,9,1,(crying): Yes.
59503,185,9,1,"Yes, I do."
59504,185,9,1,Wow.
59505,185,9,1,You just took a cookie from a complete stranger on a train.
59506,185,9,1,I like how trusting you are.
59507,185,9,1,There could be drugs or poison in there.
59508,185,9,1,"But there's not, is there?"
59509,185,9,1,"No idea, I found them under my seat."
59510,185,9,1,No!
59511,185,9,1,Kidding! Sorry!
59512,185,9,1,"You looked stressed, so I thought you could use a cookie, then I thought you could use a joke."
59513,185,9,1,I should have stopped at the cookie.
59514,185,9,1,You know what?
59515,185,9,1,I don't care if these are poisoned.
59516,185,9,1,There's chocolate and peanut butter and caramel in these sumbitches.
59517,185,9,1,"I call them ""Sumbitches""!"
59518,185,9,1,(laughing)
59519,185,9,1,NARRATOR: And that's how Lily met your mother.
59520,185,9,1,Are Cousin Mitch and I directly related?
59521,185,9,1,"No, Mom, I'm asking is Cousin Mitch a blood relative?"
59522,185,9,1,"I'm not asking about Cousin Pete, I'm asking about Cousin Robin!"
59523,185,9,1,Mitch!
59524,185,9,1,Cousin Mitch!
59525,185,9,1,"Well, just find out from Uncle Frank and call me back!"
59526,185,9,1,"Well, then, go visit Cousin Cecil at his sky-diving school and ask him!"
59527,185,9,1,"Oh, God, he did?"
59528,185,9,1,"Well, I guess that can happen no matter how experienced you are."
59529,185,9,1,I'm so sorry.
59530,185,9,1,(exhales)
59531,185,9,1,My Cousin Cecil got fired.
59532,185,9,1,(sighs): Oh.
59533,185,9,1,That's a relief. He was so distraught he jumped off the bridge. He's dead.
59534,185,9,1,Um... I'm so sorry for your loss.
59535,185,9,1,It may be our loss.
59536,185,9,1,(both shudder)
59537,185,9,1,"Just click on ""options""!"
59538,185,9,1,All I see is a man holding a bratwurst!
59539,185,9,1,Oh.
59540,185,9,1,"No, the pornography's back."
59541,185,9,1,"I said, please turn off all electronic devices."
59542,185,9,1,Oh. (laughs)
59543,185,9,1,This isn't an electronic device.
59544,185,9,1,This is actually a toy.
59545,185,9,1,For my son.
59546,185,9,1,We call it Phone-y.
59547,185,9,1,(scoffs)
59548,185,9,1,I call you phony.
59549,185,9,1,We can't take off till you hang up.
59550,185,9,1,"Okay, enough. Give me that phone!"
59551,185,9,1,"Just click on ""options"""
59552,185,9,1,I don't see it!
59553,185,9,1,"I said, give me the phone!"
59554,185,9,1,"Just click on ""options""!"
59555,185,9,1,Stop yelling at me!
59556,185,9,1,"Just click on ""options"""""
59557,185,9,1,Give me the phone.
59558,185,9,1,"Click on ""options""!"
59559,185,9,1,Click on... I have a baby!
59560,185,9,1,"Please, I-I have to get to New York."
59561,185,9,1,"Yeah, well, you should have thought about that before you attacked me."
59562,185,9,1,"All right, boys, you got this?"
59563,185,9,1,Good.
59564,185,9,1,"Let's get this bird in the air. Ah, you're both banned from this flight."
59565,185,9,1,"So I was driving with my friend, who thinks he',[/i] sThe Road Trip Master."""
59566,185,9,1,He has leather driving gloves.
59567,185,9,1,Who wears those?
59568,185,9,1,"Huge dorks, that's who."
59569,185,9,1,NARRATOR: Your mother was lying.
59570,185,9,1,She had her own pair.
59571,185,9,1,And he always makes us stop to see some weird roadside attraction no one except him gives a crap about.
59572,185,9,1,Nerd alert.
59573,185,9,1,"NARRATOR: Kids, you remember the seven-hour detour on our road trip to Disney World so your mother didn't miss that goat in South Carolina who could blow smoke rings."
59574,185,9,1,And he won't go one mile an hour over the speed limit.
59575,185,9,1,That would drive me crazy.
59576,185,9,1,I would give him a humiliating nickname until he stopped driving like a little girl.
59577,185,9,1,"NARRATOR: It was ""Lady Tedwina Slowsby."""
59578,185,9,1,And it worked.
59579,185,9,1,"Okay, look, if it's true, if we are..."
59580,185,9,1,(gags softly)
59581,185,9,1,You know.
59582,185,9,1,It's really not that big a deal.
59583,185,9,1,"Okay, we-we know we won't have kids."
59584,185,9,1,"And even if we did, King Joffrey's parents were brother and sister, and he was a fair and wise leader."
59585,185,9,1,"Yeah. Look, no one ever needs to know but us."
59586,185,9,1,Exactly.
59587,185,9,1,(both chuckle)
59588,185,9,1,I know.
59589,185,9,1,BARNEY: We might have to...
59590,185,9,1,ROBIN: Take care of Ranjit.
59591,185,9,1,"Hey, you just finished my..."
59592,185,9,1,Creepy telepathic murder thought.
59593,185,9,1,"Oh, it must be a soul mate thing."
59594,185,9,1,Unless... it's a weird cousin thing.
59595,185,9,1,(gags softly)
59596,185,9,1,"So we'll be good either way, right?"
59597,185,9,1,Honey?
59598,185,9,1,That's right... sweetie.
59599,185,9,1,"Now, get over here, you."
59600,185,9,1,"Gah, just try and stop me."
59601,185,9,1,"Aw. Ooh, ooh."
59602,185,9,1,"Ooh, mmm, mmm, mmm."
59603,185,9,1,"Well, I can't wait till tonight."
59604,185,9,1,I have got some naughty-naughty-naughty things planned.
59605,185,9,1,Aw.
59606,185,9,1,"Oh, wow, you have certainly piqued my incest."
59607,185,9,1,Interest. Interest!
59608,185,9,1,I still can't believe he dragged me to the childhood home of some stupid bucklesmith no one's ever even heard of.
59609,185,9,1,"Yeah, who cares about Florian van Otterloop?"
59610,185,9,1,I never told you his name.
59611,185,9,1,Sumbitch?
59612,185,9,1,"I mean, why'd he have to act that way?"
59613,185,9,1,He knows I hate how he gets on road trips.
59614,185,9,1,It almost seems like he wanted you to storm off.
59615,185,9,1,But we're going to the same place.
59616,185,9,1,There's no reason why he'd want to ditch me.
59617,185,9,1,"NARRATOR: And suddenly Lily remembered that a week ago, I'd helped Robin look for her long-lost locket."
59618,185,9,1,But it was gone.
59619,185,9,1,"Then Lily told me the locket actually got stashed in my pencil box, but when I opened it... the locket wasn't there."
59620,185,9,1,Good.
59621,185,9,1,'Cause that locket's trouble.
59622,185,9,1,"How? It's-it's just a friendly, innocent wedding gift."
59623,185,9,1,It's not innocent.
59624,185,9,1,"Ted, you think if you can get that locket for Robin you'll win her back."
59625,185,9,1,"Lily, I've let it go."
59626,185,9,1,I mean... What?
59627,185,9,1,"There's, like, a one percent chance that Stella has the locket from when we lived together."
59628,185,9,1,Promise me you didn't call the woman who left you at the altar so that you could find that locket.
59629,185,9,1,Of course not.
59630,185,9,1,I e-mailed her.
59631,185,9,1,Ted.
59632,185,9,1,But Stella's living in L.A. now.
59633,185,9,1,"And even if she has it, it's buried in some storage unit."
59634,185,9,1,She said I'd have to fly out there and look for it myself.
59635,185,9,1,Promise me you aren't about to do that.
59636,185,9,1,I promise.
59637,185,9,1,Sumbitch!
59638,185,9,1,"You better hope when Sweaty finally gets off that phone, he can get me on the next flight to New York."
59639,185,9,1,I got the password from my mom.
59640,185,9,1,I'm gonna take that photo down myself.
59641,185,9,1,"You know, I don't give a damn about your photo."
59642,185,9,1,"My daughter is giving a big speech for the Model U.N. at her school, and I'm gonna miss it because of you."
59643,185,9,1,(sighs)
59644,185,9,1,Her father and I are separated.
59645,185,9,1,She lives with her dad.
59646,185,9,1,And if I don't make it... she's never gonna trust me again.
59647,185,9,1,I'm so sorry.
59648,185,9,1,"Wow, that worked on you?"
59649,185,9,1,Let's hope Pit Stains is as dumb as you are.
59650,185,9,1,What? Why is this so hard for my mom?
59651,185,9,1,"All you do is you click the photo, and then you click on the..."
59652,185,9,1,"I don't see... I don't see ""options."""
59653,185,9,1,"Just click on ""options."""
59654,185,9,1,But where is it?
59655,185,9,1,"Just click on ""options."""
59656,185,9,1,Is it up on the toolbar?
59657,185,9,1,"Just click on ""options."" It's not there!"
59658,185,9,1,"Just click on ""options""!"
59659,185,9,1,(phone ringing)
59660,185,9,1,"Hi, Grandma."
59661,185,9,1,You-you can explain how Cousin Mitch is related to us?
59662,185,9,1,"Explain, Grandma, explain!"
59663,185,9,1,"Okay, he married Barney's dad's cousin Renee, who he met selling Vachon cakes outside a curling bonspiel in Chicoutimi."
59664,185,9,1,"English, Grandma, English!"
59665,185,9,1,"And on our side of the family, he was adopted because his real parents were eaten alive by their sled dogs?"
59666,185,9,1,"That's awesome! Thanks, Grandma."
59667,185,9,1,(both sigh)
59668,185,9,1,So...
59669,185,9,1,So you and I share no DNA whatsoever.
59670,185,9,1,Let's change that.
59671,185,9,1,(both moaning)
59672,185,9,1,RANJIT: Don't hold back.
59673,185,9,1,This divider is totally soundproof.
59674,185,9,1,Go all the way.
59675,185,9,1,Wait till the hotel?
59676,185,9,1,Totally.
59677,185,9,1,"Hey, you know what?"
59678,185,9,1,I'm not worried about a wild card at our wedding anymore.
59679,185,9,1,Whether it's Uncle Vic or Aunt Shelly or the ring bear.
59680,185,9,1,Ring bear-er. Er.
59681,185,9,1,"Whether any of those mammals go rogue, our wedding is gonna be legendary."
59682,185,9,1,"No ""wait for it""?"
59683,185,9,1,I've got you.
59684,185,9,1,I don't have to wait for it anymore.
59685,185,9,1,(phone ringing)
59686,185,9,1,(line ringing)
59687,185,9,1,"It's a long story, but if we don't beat my friend out to that wedding, it's gonna be bad."
59688,185,9,1,This is too stressful. I-I need to see Marvin!
59689,185,9,1,"No! You made me promise not to let you look, because it's only gonna upset you."
59690,185,9,1,"Here, have another sum... bitch."
59691,185,9,1,No more sumbitches?!
59692,185,9,1,Give me the damn phone!
59693,185,9,1,(both scream)
59694,185,9,1,"(clamoring) Just go to ""edit"" on the toolbar!"
59695,185,9,1,"No, ""account settings""!"
59696,185,9,1,"Just click on ""options""!"
59697,185,9,1,Stop!
59698,185,9,1,It can't be done.
59699,185,9,1,That photo is etched in eternity.
59700,185,9,1,"Long after humanity's reign has ended, the only traces of our civilization found by Earth's new ape masters will be the top of the Statue of Liberty and this photo of me pretending to be a judge with a banana gavel."
59701,185,9,1,"Well, they'll probably like the banana thing."
59702,185,9,1,The ape masters?
59703,185,9,1,"Sorry. Lily's gonna see it, and we're gonna have the biggest fight of our lives."
59704,185,9,1,"(chuckles) Oh, I wish I could see your wife kick your ass."
59705,185,9,1,I don't mean a physical fight.
59706,185,9,1,She's not an animal.
59707,185,9,1,I'm sorry I tried to bite you.
59708,185,9,1,I'm sorry that I swatted you on the nose with a rolled-up magazine.
59709,185,9,1,It's the only way I'll learn.
59710,185,9,1,"Look, I haven't seen my baby in a week."
59711,185,9,1,You know what?
59712,185,9,1,Go for it.
59713,185,9,1,It's gone!
59714,185,9,1,It's gone!
59715,185,9,1,(all cheering)
59716,185,9,1,You did it!
59717,185,9,1,You did it! (laughs)
59718,185,9,1,No new insulting Marvin photo.
59719,185,9,1,Hmm.
59720,185,9,1,(voice breaks): No new insulting Marvin photo.
59721,185,9,1,"I know I'm just a stranger on a train who you tried to bite, but... do you want a hug?"
59722,185,9,1,(Lily yells)
59723,185,9,1,Lily! What the hell?!
59724,185,9,1,Ted and I had some road trip issues.
59725,185,9,1,Did he put on the gloves? Mm-hmm.
59726,185,9,1,That tackle was justified.
59727,185,9,1,What's this? It's for you.
59728,185,9,1,Don't open it.
59729,185,9,1,"TED: With all the big changes coming up, I just wanted Robin to remember her friends."
59730,185,9,1,We all want nothing but happiness for you and Barney.
59731,185,9,1,"Right, Lily?"
59732,185,9,1,Right.
59733,185,9,1,"Oh, wow."
59734,185,9,1,"That was, what, eight years ago?"
59735,185,9,1,Yeah.
59736,185,9,1,Eight years.
59737,185,9,1,"Thanks, Ted."
59738,185,9,1,I'm gonna... I'm gonna get checked in.
59739,185,9,1,Marshall's flight just took off.
59740,185,9,1,My boys will be here soon.
59741,185,9,1,"Oh, yay."
59742,185,9,1,
59743,185,9,1,"NARRATOR: Actually, Lily's boys were just learning there was only one more flight out to New York with one seat left, and it was all the way across the airport."
59744,185,9,1,"You're not gonna tackle me again, are you?"
59745,185,9,1,I'm the maid of honor.
59746,185,9,1,There's a good chance that won't be my only tackle of the weekend.
59747,185,9,1,NARRATOR: It wasn't.
59748,185,9,1,"Look, I'm sorry."
59749,185,9,1,"I just got it in my head that you somehow managed to track down that locket in Los Angeles, and now you were gonna blow up the wedding."
59750,185,9,1,You really think I'm that crazy?
59751,185,9,1,(sighs)
59752,185,9,1,I guess that's fair.
59753,185,9,1,"Look, even though I was wrong, tell me you aren't thinking about doing anything insane this weekend."
59754,185,9,1,Of course not.
59755,185,9,1,"NARRATOR: And all I can say, kids, is at that moment, I really thought I meant it."
59756,185,9,1,But the truth is... you never know who's gonna be the wild card at a wedding.
59757,185,9,1,"Hi. One ticket to Los Angeles, please."
59758,185,9,1,"NARRATOR: That afternoon at the Farhampton Inn, Aunt Lily and I tried to check in."
59759,185,9,1,Are you chewing gum?
59760,185,9,1,You never chew gum.
59761,185,9,1,You shouldn't chew gum in here.
59762,185,9,1,"Nobody cares if I chew gum, Ted."
59763,185,9,1,Are you chewing gum?
59764,185,9,1,"Yes, she is. She's chewing gum."
59765,185,9,1,"Ooh, can I have a piece?"
59766,185,9,1,Of course! Great.
59767,185,9,1,Thank you.
59768,185,9,1,"Okay, let's chew some gum and get you guys all checked in."
59769,185,9,1,"Ms. Aldrin, how many keys will you need?"
59770,185,9,1,"Two, please."
59771,185,9,1,My husband's getting in later.
59772,185,9,1,"Excellent, and Mr. Mosby?"
59773,185,9,1,"Uh, just one, please."
59774,185,9,1,"Oh, oh, I-I see."
59775,185,9,1,Oh.
59776,185,9,1,"Well, hang in there."
59777,185,9,1,You'll find somebody.
59778,185,9,1,"Thank you, front desk stranger."
59779,185,9,1,"I'm sorry, we just... we just don't get a lot of singles here."
59780,185,9,1,"I mean, look at this place."
59781,185,9,1,It's so romantic.
59782,185,9,1,Countless babies conceived within these walls.
59783,185,9,1,And one... grisly murder.
59784,185,9,1,"Now, are you sure that you wouldn't feel more comfortable staying at a motel?"
59785,185,9,1,"What? No, look."
59786,185,9,1,"I'm not some miserable, lonely person."
59787,185,9,1,"Tell him, Lily."
59788,185,9,1,It's a tough weekend for him.
59789,185,9,1,Bro.
59790,185,9,1,We're here for a wedding. Ouch.
59791,185,9,1,"And he used to date the bride. Ooh, mama."
59792,185,9,1,And he's the best man. Devastating.
59793,185,9,1,Could you please just check us in?
59794,185,9,1,"Oh, your rooms aren't gonna be ready for hours."
59795,185,9,1,"But in the meantime, Ms. Aldrin, I definitely think you and your husband should check out the lighthouse."
59796,185,9,1,It's a beautiful view of the bay-- so romantic.
59797,185,9,1,"Oh, wow."
59798,185,9,1,Here's the channel guide for the TV.
59799,185,9,1,"Don't listen to him, Ted."
59800,185,9,1,(phone ringing)
59801,185,9,1,You are not alone.
59802,185,9,1,"In fact, this whole weekend, it is going to be nothing but me and..."
59803,185,9,1,Marshall!
59804,185,9,1,"Oh, thank God, you're on your way."
59805,185,9,1,"If I had to be here alone, I would kill myself."
59806,185,9,1,How are you doing?
59807,185,9,1,I'm fine... Curtis.
59808,185,9,1,"I mean, let's do the math here."
59809,185,9,1,"One ""best man"" plus on,[/i] eno girlfriend"" equals..."
59810,185,9,1,"""Mothers of Farhampton, lock up your daughters!"""
59811,185,9,1,Double guns!
59812,185,9,1,(imitating gunshots)
59813,185,9,1,"Wow, you're in bad shape."
59814,185,9,1,Marshall missed his flight.
59815,185,9,1,He might not get here tonight.
59816,185,9,1,He might not get here at all.
59817,185,9,1,We... only have a few of these left.
59818,185,9,1,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x02 ♪
59819,185,9,1,Coming Back
59820,185,9,1,"Original Air Date on September 23, 2013"
59821,185,9,1,Hi...
59822,185,9,1,Linus.
59823,185,9,1,Here's how this goes down.
59824,185,9,1,"If I'm going to make it through this weekend without my husband, I need you to hook a lady up."
59825,185,9,1,"Any time you see me without a drink in my hand, you put a drink in my hand."
59826,185,9,1,"Are you my guy, Linus?"
59827,185,9,1,So you want the Kennedy Package?
59828,185,9,1,Bingo.
59829,185,9,1,(phone rings)
59830,185,9,1,Go for Barney.
59831,185,9,1,Ah.
59832,185,9,1,Thank you Linus.
59833,185,9,1,"Barney, before you get too upset, there's another flight that leaves in five minutes."
59834,185,9,1,You're getting on it. I'm gonna try.
59835,185,9,1,There is no try!
59836,185,9,1,You're getting on that plane.
59837,185,9,1,"Hey, growth spurt."
59838,185,9,1,"If there is only one seat left on this plane, I will fight you for it."
59839,185,9,1,And I'm a biter.
59840,185,9,1,"Marshall, whoever that is, grab her carry-on and throw it into a restricted area."
59841,185,9,1,I'm serious. Do it. Do it now.
59842,185,9,1,What? No.
59843,185,9,1,"Barney, are you...?"
59844,185,9,1,"No, I'm not gonna..."
59845,185,9,1,That's... No.
59846,185,9,1,"There is n,[/i] oWhat, no, Barney, are you, no I'm not gonna, that's no!"""
59847,185,9,1,This is a holiday weekend.
59848,185,9,1,You're not gonna get to New York by being nice.
59849,185,9,1,So you're gonna have to lose the whole Midwestern aw-shucksy-doodles thing...
59850,185,9,1,Shucksy doodles?
59851,185,9,1,...and act like a New Yorker.
59852,185,9,1,"A pushy, obnoxious, knock-the-other-guy-down-and-take-his-hot-dog resident of the greatest city on earth!"
59853,185,9,1,"No can do, Barney."
59854,185,9,1,"I'm from Minnesota, where there's plenty of hot dogs for everyone."
59855,185,9,1,Perhaps even too many.
59856,185,9,1,"But listen, I'm gonna get to New York without being a jerk."
59857,185,9,1,Just get to New York!
59858,185,9,1,I'll get to New York!
59859,185,9,1,Nobody's getting to New York.
59860,185,9,1,Not this weekend anyway.
59861,185,9,1,There's a big storm rolling up the East Coast.
59862,185,9,1,All the airports are closing.
59863,185,9,1,My advice is rent a car and drive.
59864,185,9,1,But you better hurry.
59865,185,9,1,They're gonna run out of cars soon.
59866,185,9,1,(groans)
59867,185,9,1,"Okay, listen."
59868,185,9,1,"If we're both going to New York, why don't we rent a car, split the drive?"
59869,185,9,1,That seems like a reasonable plan.
59870,185,9,1,Can I help you with that diaper bag?
59871,185,9,1,"Sure. Thank you. Oh, it's..."
59872,185,9,1,"Have a nice bus ride, pumpkin head!"
59873,185,9,1,(panting)
59874,185,9,1,"Hey, lady."
59875,185,9,1,"Yeah, you just threw away your ticket to a really great road trip."
59876,185,9,1,"I'm sorry, I can't hear you."
59877,185,9,1,"You're all the way back there, and I'm all the way up here."
59878,185,9,1,(laughing)
59879,185,9,1,"Oh, you can hear me."
59880,185,9,1,"Get ready to be driving the jealous-mobile because our car is gonna have games, snacks, a James Patterson audio book my mother describes a,[/i] scluttering her glove box."""
59881,185,9,1,Your car? I'll be in Pittsburgh before you get your car.
59882,185,9,1,We'll see about that.
59883,185,9,1,"And if you're going to New York, you're not gonna want to go through Pittsburgh."
59884,185,9,1,"94 backs up around Allentown, so you're gonna want to stick on 80."
59885,185,9,1,Jerk face!
59886,185,9,1,"Come on, universe."
59887,185,9,1,I'm a nice guy.
59888,185,9,1,Send me a miracle.
59889,185,9,1,NARRATOR: And then the universe sent your Uncle Marshall...
59890,185,9,1,Herm.
59891,185,9,1,"Okay, people, let's move it along. What do you want?"
59892,185,9,1,You want a car? You got a car. Beat it.
59893,185,9,1,What kind of car do you want?
59894,185,9,1,"Too slow, you get a minivan."
59895,185,9,1,"Next. Ah, midsize sedan."
59896,185,9,1,Incoming. Next.
59897,185,9,1,Yes! You want a gas option?
59898,185,9,1,Nobody wants a gas option. Get out of here.
59899,185,9,1,Next.
59900,185,9,1,Hello. I need a car.
59901,185,9,1,You've got it. That's all of them.
59902,185,9,1,"We're all out of cars, everybody."
59903,185,9,1,"Wait, no!"
59904,185,9,1,You let this guy beat you?
59905,185,9,1,"Ma'am, it's not a race."
59906,185,9,1,That right there is why you lost.
59907,185,9,1,Maybe this is your fault.
59908,185,9,1,Did you ever think of that?
59909,185,9,1,"Maybe if you had just been a little bit nicer, then you would be the one driving this lovely..."
59910,185,9,1,What kind of car is it?
59911,185,9,1,"NARRATOR: Now, kids, I don't remember the actual name of this car, but to an environmentalist like Marshall, this car was a monstrosity."
59912,185,9,1,2006 Monstrosity.
59913,185,9,1,♪ Monstrosity
59914,185,9,1,♪ 'Cause global warming's not real. ♪
59915,185,9,1,"Oh, no, not a Monstrosity."
59916,185,9,1,I'll take it. I can't drive that.
59917,185,9,1,I can. Give me the Monstrosity.
59918,185,9,1,Do you have anything else? I'll take the Monstrosity.
59919,185,9,1,"There's nothing else. Give me the keys, old man!"
59920,185,9,1,It's just so freaking huge!
59921,185,9,1,"Well, actually it's a Monstrosity Sport, so it's a little smaller."
59922,185,9,1,♪ Monstrosity Sport
59923,185,9,1,♪ It's still freaking huge.
59924,185,9,1,Fine. I'll take it.
59925,185,9,1,But I'm also gonna need a baby seat.
59926,185,9,1,We're all out of baby seats. Get out of here.
59927,185,9,1,"Oh, my God... what am I gonna do?"
59928,185,9,1,I don't care.
59929,185,9,1,(groans)
59930,185,9,1,Can I make a suggestion?
59931,185,9,1,"I rent the car, then I go buy the car seat, come back here, pick you guys up, and then the three of us drive to New York together."
59932,185,9,1,(laughs quietly)
59933,185,9,1,Let me get this straight.
59934,185,9,1,"So, you're gonna rent the car, go and get a baby seat for my son, and then drive all the way back here to pick me up."
59935,185,9,1,That's right.
59936,185,9,1,"Well, then you're gonna need some cash. Here."
59937,185,9,1,Hundred bucks ought to cover it.
59938,185,9,1,"So, we'll see you soon."
59939,185,9,1,"You got it, Michael! Marshall."
59940,185,9,1,"Doesn't matter now, does it?"
59941,185,9,1,"Remember this day, Marvin."
59942,185,9,1,"Not only is this the day that we either saw Prince or a... a really flamboyantly dressed greyhound, it's also the day that your dad chose not to be a jerk... and put his trust in humanity."
59943,185,9,1,Just watch where it gets us.
59944,185,9,1,Shucksy-doodles!
59945,185,9,1,NARRATOR: Uncle Marshall was just about ready to abandon his faith in humanity.
59946,185,9,1,But let's back up a little bit.
59947,185,9,1,And now the true tale of the Stinson Curse.
59948,185,9,1,"BARNEY: Moscow, 1807."
59949,185,9,1,(Russian accent): What a wonderful night at the opera.
59950,185,9,1,"Wouldn't you agree, Comrade Barnovski?"
59951,185,9,1,"(Russian accent): I would indeed, Comrade Jamesokoff."
59952,185,9,1,But you know what made it truly wonderful?
59953,185,9,1,"Being here with my wife... the beet in my borscht, the fur on my hat, the only person I've ever been attracted to, ever."
59954,185,9,1,I feel the same way about Kyle... my plutonic friend from work.
59955,185,9,1,(clattering)
59956,185,9,1,"Is it just me, or did that feel like we hit an old Gypsy woman?"
59957,185,9,1,Yep. Old Gypsy woman.
59958,185,9,1,"Good call, Barnovski. Oh, well, she's just a peasant."
59959,185,9,1,"Home, Smirnoff."
59960,185,9,1,"Wait, she's saying somethink!"
59961,185,9,1,"(low, deep moan)"
59962,185,9,1,Hornier.
59963,185,9,1,Hornier.
59964,185,9,1,Hornier?
59965,185,9,1,Sonobovich!
59966,185,9,1,Did she just put a curse on us?
59967,185,9,1,"Eh, nonsense, brother."
59968,185,9,1,"Okay, let's go, Smirnoff."
59969,185,9,1,Smirnoff?
59970,185,9,1,"Homina, hominovich. Mmm, Smirnoff, I would climb you like the Kremlin Wall."
59971,185,9,1,What's happening to me?
59972,185,9,1,"Don't you see? You're getting hornier, brother, just like the old Gypsy woman said!"
59973,185,9,1,"Oh, hello there."
59974,185,9,1,(chuckles) Ever had a White Russian?
59975,185,9,1,"BARNEY: For the next 200 years, every male member of the Stinson family was afflicted by the Gypsy's curse, an unquenchable thirst for booty that no committed relationship"
59976,185,9,1,could ever satisfy.
59977,185,9,1,"That is, until my brother James met his husband Tom."
59978,185,9,1,"The day they got married, they lifted the curse forever, freeing me from the shackles of having s*x with lots of different women."
59979,185,9,1,"Although, sometimes Robin and I still use the shackles."
59980,185,9,1,Bondage five!
59981,185,9,1,"Whoa. I can't, I can't, I can't."
59982,185,9,1,(phone rings)
59983,185,9,1,Go for Barney!
59984,185,9,1,Ah.
59985,185,9,1,"Thank you, Linus."
59986,185,9,1,This is worse than I thought.
59987,185,9,1,"I know. Showtime, no HBO?"
59988,185,9,1,JAMES: No.
59989,185,9,1,Tom and I are getting divorced.
59990,185,9,1,What? TED: What?
59991,185,9,1,That's why you look extra handsome.
59992,185,9,1,I do get extra hot when I'm single.
59993,185,9,1,Your skin looks amazing.
59994,185,9,1,Looks amazing. I know.
59995,185,9,1,So... so what happened? Why-why'd you guys break up?
59996,185,9,1,"Well, the thing to remember is that when something like this happens, it's nobody's fault."
59997,185,9,1,You cheated on him. Repeatedly.
59998,185,9,1,"I thought about keeping it quiet, but then I realized, wouldn't my family want me to be honest with them about news this big?"
59999,185,9,1,"Oh, can I just say five things?"
60000,185,9,1,"What is the matter with... sorry, six-- you?!"
60001,185,9,1,Ooh! What?!
60002,185,9,1,"I'm-I'm sorry about you and Tom, but you can't just drop a bombshell like this so close to someone's wedding."
60003,185,9,1,You broke the curse. You and Tom are the only couple that makes Barney believe in marriage.
60004,185,9,1,(chuckles) Really? The only couple?
60005,185,9,1,"I mean, no one else comes to mind?"
60006,185,9,1,Been together 17 years?
60007,185,9,1,"She's a spunky redhead, he's got calves that launched a thousand lady boners?"
60008,185,9,1,"BARNEY: Hey, sorry about that."
60009,185,9,1,"Hey, did you guys know that Sunday is James' and Tom's anniversary?"
60010,185,9,1,How cool is that?
60011,185,9,1,We're anniversary bros!
60012,185,9,1,"Every year, we should go out and celebrate... just the two of us."
60013,185,9,1,"Listen, bro, you..."
60014,185,9,1,"I know, I know, ""Please, Barney, you don't have to get us an anniversary gift this year."""
60015,185,9,1,You get them an anniversary gift?
60016,185,9,1,Why shouldn't I? They're the one couple that makes me believe marriage is possible.
60017,185,9,1,"I mean, I'm sitting right here."
60018,185,9,1,"Thank you, Linus."
60019,185,9,1,"JAMES: Barney, the thing is..."
60020,185,9,1,"Cover your ears and hum ""The Battle Hymn of the Republic."""
60021,185,9,1,Why?
60022,185,9,1,It's for the bride.
60023,185,9,1,"Oh, it's for... (humming)"
60024,185,9,1,"Okay, listen, James, my cousin Vince is a Mountie."
60025,185,9,1,"His girlfriend is back home, but he gets gay at weddings."
60026,185,9,1,He's yours. I am giving you Vince.
60027,185,9,1,"Just please, don't tell Barney."
60028,185,9,1,If he finds out that the only successful marriage in his life is over...
60029,185,9,1,I hate everyone at this table.
60030,185,9,1,...it'll spook him.
60031,185,9,1,I don't want him getting spooked.
60032,185,9,1,"Robin, have some faith."
60033,185,9,1,Do you really think what you and Barney have is that fragile?
60034,185,9,1,I don't want to find out.
60035,185,9,1,Fine.
60036,185,9,1,"Thanks, baby."
60037,185,9,1,No sweat. Mmm...
60038,185,9,1,"So, James, seriously, where's Tom?"
60039,185,9,1,He can't make the wedding.
60040,185,9,1,He had his wisdom teeth out.
60041,185,9,1,Ugh! On top of a divorce?
60042,185,9,1,That is rough.
60043,185,9,1,Uh-oh.
60044,185,9,1,What is she talking about?
60045,185,9,1,Tom and I are getting a divorce.
60046,185,9,1,Excuse me.
60047,185,9,1,Vince... off the table.
60048,185,9,1,What was that? I don't know.
60049,185,9,1,It just came out.
60050,185,9,1,That's it. It's barely even noon.
60051,185,9,1,You're cut off.
60052,185,9,1,"Thank you, Linus."
60053,185,9,1,"Thank you, Linus."
60054,185,9,1,"Thank you, Linus."
60055,185,9,1,"Thank you, Linus."
60056,185,9,1,"Thank you, Linus."
60057,185,9,1,"Okay, but after that one, you're cut off!"
60058,185,9,1,"No! No, you are not doing this. Step away from the desk."
60059,185,9,1,What are you talking about?
60060,185,9,1,"You just found out about James and Tom, and it totally freaked you out, and now you're asking this guy to point you in the direction of the nearest, dirtiest strip club."
60061,185,9,1,"Oh, well, that-that's a tough one."
60062,185,9,1,"Uh, the nearest one that's-that's kind of dirty is The Sand Box, but the, uh... the dirtiest one that's nearby is The Crab Shed."
60063,185,9,1,Dude.
60064,185,9,1,"Sorry. Uh, but hey, if-if you do go, maybe you could take Ted."
60065,185,9,1,I'm really worried about that kid.
60066,185,9,1,"No, Robin, I am not going to a strip club."
60067,185,9,1,Especially right now.
60068,185,9,1,Could you imagine the day shift at The Crab Shed?
60069,185,9,1,Robin...
60070,185,9,1,I came to the desk to get this.
60071,185,9,1,Is that the key to our room?
60072,185,9,1,It's the key to James's room.
60073,185,9,1,"Oh, my."
60074,185,9,1,What is that?
60075,185,9,1,It's an erotic cake.
60076,185,9,1,I wanted to surprise them for their anniversary.
60077,185,9,1,Is that... is that James and Tom?
60078,185,9,1,"Mmm, caramel marzipan, chocolate marzipan."
60079,185,9,1,I love chocolate marzipan.
60080,185,9,1,So does Tom. Used to anyway.
60081,185,9,1,"This is, uh, absolutely the, uh... the weirdest thing anyone has ever done for their sibling."
60082,185,9,1,I love you so much.
60083,185,9,1,You thought I was gonna freak out.
60084,185,9,1,"Well, I mean, a Gypsy cursed your family to become hornier and do awesome guitar solos."
60085,185,9,1,Can you blame me?
60086,185,9,1,"Look, am I bummed about James and Tom getting a divorce?"
60087,185,9,1,Obviously. But I don't need them to make me believe in true love anymore.
60088,185,9,1,I've got you for that now.
60089,185,9,1,Mmm.
60090,185,9,1,"Oh, man, now I gotta figure out what to do with all this stuff."
60091,185,9,1,"Well, before we do that... um, would it be all right if I nibbled on your brother's Ding Dong?"
60092,185,9,1,How about we nibble on my brother's Ding Dong together?
60093,185,9,1,I'd like that.
60094,185,9,1,"NARRATOR: So, they cleaned all that stuff"
60095,185,9,1,out of there and had a talk with James.
60096,185,9,1,"And Barney didn't freak out, because here's the thing, kids."
60097,185,9,1,"When you believe in people, people come through."
60098,185,9,1,"Just so we're clear, I pick the music."
60099,185,9,1,Of course.
60100,185,9,1,Say it.
60101,185,9,1,"Say, ""Daphne picks the music."""
60102,185,9,1,Daphne picks the music.
60103,185,9,1,And you pay for gas.
60104,185,9,1,Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how much gas this thing takes?
60105,185,9,1,(engine revs)
60106,185,9,1,"No, no, okay!"
60107,185,9,1,"Okay, I pay for gas."
60108,185,9,1,"Good. Now, get in."
60109,185,9,1,It's a long ride to Phoenix.
60110,185,9,1,Say what?
60111,185,9,1,(laughs)
60112,185,9,1,I'm just kidding.
60113,185,9,1,"Oh, this is gonna be fun."
60114,185,9,1,This must be the singles table.
60115,185,9,1,(chuckles)
60116,185,9,1,Guess it is.
60117,185,9,1,"Well, it's kind of nice to be asking this question instead of answering it for a change: How are you doing?"
60118,185,9,1,I don't know.
60119,185,9,1,"I'm trying to be happy for my brother, but, uh... I guess a person has a different perspective on weddings when he knows what's down there at the end of the aisle."
60120,185,9,1,It's not all champagne and frosting.
60121,185,9,1,"Mr. Stinson, your room is ready."
60122,185,9,1,"And, Ted... she's right around the corner."
60123,185,9,1,"Thank you, Curtis."
60124,185,9,1,"I feel it, too."
60125,185,9,1,"No, no, no, the-the housekeeper."
60126,185,9,1,She's in the room that's right around the corner from yours.
60127,185,9,1,"Oh. So another hour, tops."
60128,185,9,1,Sure.
60129,185,9,1,"Okay, see you later, Ted."
60130,185,9,1,"You're not giving up, James."
60131,185,9,1,And neither am I.
60132,185,9,1,(footsteps approach)
60133,185,9,1,"TED: Hey, beautiful."
60134,185,9,1,Hi.
60135,185,9,1,"God, you look great."
60136,185,9,1,What? Come on.
60137,185,9,1,You do!
60138,185,9,1,I've been in a car all morning.
60139,185,9,1,I just ate a croissant crumb that I found in my bra.
60140,185,9,1,I'm disgusting.
60141,185,9,1,"Yeah, I saw you do that. And it was super hot. Come here."
60142,185,9,1,(chuckles) You come here. Come here.
60143,185,9,1,"No, you come here. Come here."
60144,185,9,1,"Hey, you want to hear something funny?"
60145,185,9,1,Mm-hmm.
60146,185,9,1,"One year ago today, almost to the minute, I was sitting at this very table right in that seat."
60147,185,9,1,"Oh, yeah. I can see it."
60148,185,9,1,"Nursing your gin and tonic with three extra limes, doing the crossword, probably being all showboat-y about it."
60149,185,9,1,I wasn't being showboat-y about it.
60150,185,9,1,"""Vesuvius""! Boo-yah!"
60151,185,9,1,"Oh, wait, that doesn't fit."
60152,185,9,1,"The point is, one year ago today, I made a promise to myself right at this table."
60153,185,9,1,THE MOTHER: What was the promise?
60154,185,9,1,"BOTH TEDS: I'm coming back, and I'm bringing you."
60155,185,9,1,Wait a second. Hold it.
60156,185,9,1,"One year ago today, you hadn't even met me."
60157,185,9,1,"I know, but I knew I would."
60158,185,9,1,And now it's a year later.
60159,185,9,1,And here I am.
60160,185,9,1,Here you are.
60161,185,9,1,"Love in your eyes, baked goods in your undergarments."
60162,185,9,1,Yeah.
60163,185,9,1,"You picked a real winner, Mosby."
60164,185,9,1,I did.
60165,185,9,1,"Okay, seriously, what the crap is taking so long with these rooms?"
60166,185,9,1,It was like this last year.
60167,185,9,1,I'll be right back.
60168,185,9,1,I'll be right here.
60169,185,9,1,Sorry that took so long.
60170,185,9,1,Please... try to enjoy your stay.
60171,185,9,1,I will.
60172,185,9,1,Try to.
60173,185,9,1,I will enjoy my stay.
60174,185,9,1,Try.
60175,185,9,1,Not gonna try.
60176,185,9,1,Just... just gonna do it.
60177,185,9,1,Good for you.
60178,185,9,1,Not good for me.
60179,185,9,1,"No, just-just neutral for me."
60180,185,9,1,"Attaboy. No, at not a boy."
60181,185,9,1,It gets better.
60182,185,9,1,"I am fine, Curtis. Okay?"
60183,185,9,1,I enjoy and appreciate the happiness of other people whether I am in a relationship or not. Okay? Curtis?
60184,185,9,1,So just-just... just go ahead and give me my one key because I am fine.
60185,186,9,2,"NARRATOR: Kids, Barney and Robin's wedding turned out to be a life-changing weekend for all of us. Well, not just us."
60186,186,9,2,"One ticket to Farhampton, please."
60187,186,9,2,NARRATOR: But I'll get to that.
60188,186,9,2,(horn honks)
60189,186,9,2,Who are you honking at? You.
60190,186,9,2,You're going 40 in a 65.
60191,186,9,2,"Pick it up, Grandma!"
60192,186,9,2,"Look, I'm happy to rock it up into the 50s, but I'm gonna need a hand... or two."
60193,186,9,2,"Oh, no. Not the driving gloves."
60194,186,9,2,"In 99.9% of highway accidents, the driver was not wearing gloves."
60195,186,9,2,Because they're stupid.
60196,186,9,2,They don't help you drive better.
60197,186,9,2,That's why no one wears them.
60198,186,9,2,Then why is it called... the glove compartment?
60199,186,9,2,I am not having this argument again.
60200,186,9,2,"Now, as you know, a Mosby road trip is not only safe, but informative."
60201,186,9,2,Chiggedy-check it.
60202,186,9,2,Manhattan to Farhampton: Lil' and Ted's Excellent Adventure?
60203,186,9,2,That baby's stuffed to the rings with fun facts about our unsung neighbor to the east-- Long Island.
60204,186,9,2,"For instance, just up ahead, the historic childhood home of Florian van Otterloop, the Dutch bucklesmith who revolutionized the belt industry."
60205,186,9,2,"Uh, fun story about that color-blind genius."
60206,186,9,2,When he... Please stop!
60207,186,9,2,"Well, I was just gonna slow down for pictures, but that level of enthusiasm can't go unrewarded."
60208,186,9,2,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x01 ♪
60209,186,9,2,The Locket
60210,186,9,2,"Original Air Date on September 23, 2013"
60211,186,9,2,(phone chimes)
60212,186,9,2,Hmm.
60213,186,9,2,"Oh, look at my little cousins in their flower girl dresses."
60214,186,9,2,"Aw, they'll look so cute next to the ring bear."
60215,186,9,2,Yeah.
60216,186,9,2,"Wait, you said ring bear-er, right?"
60217,186,9,2,Ring bear.
60218,186,9,2,Ring bear-er.
60219,186,9,2,Ring bear.
60220,186,9,2,Are you planning some crazy stunt with a dangerous wild animal at our wedding?
60221,186,9,2,(phone chirps)
60222,186,9,2,Because...
60223,186,9,2,"Oh, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry."
60224,186,9,2,"Oh, boy."
60225,186,9,2,"My brother wants to know what time he ""goes on"" at the reception."
60226,186,9,2,What does that mean?
60227,186,9,2,"Every wedding he attends, James insists on... performing."
60228,186,9,2,♪ Islands in the stream
60229,186,9,2,♪ That is what we are
60230,186,9,2,♪ No one in between...
60231,186,9,2,So? What do you got against K-Rodge?
60232,186,9,2,Everybody loves
60233,186,9,2,The Gambler.
60234,186,9,2,Wait for it.
60235,186,9,2,♪ How can we be wrong?
60236,186,9,2,♪ Sail away with me to another world ♪
60237,186,9,2,"♪ And we rely on each other, uh-huh! ♪"
60238,186,9,2,That is nothing.
60239,186,9,2,"I have invited Scherbatskys from all over Canada, and they are Canuckin' nuts."
60240,186,9,2,Like my cousin Ruth from the Yukon.
60241,186,9,2,"I don't like to encourage Canadian stereotypes, but that woman practically rides a moose."
60242,186,9,2,(laughs)
60243,186,9,2,Does she actually ride a moose?
60244,186,9,2,Yeah.
60245,186,9,2,"And, uh, I'm worried she'll bring it to the wedding."
60246,186,9,2,She and the moose are... very close.
60247,186,9,2,Whoa.
60248,186,9,2,"Every wedding's got a wild card, but we've invited a whole set."
60249,186,9,2,"(accordion playin,[/i] gWedding March"")"
60250,186,9,2,Someone is gonna ruin this wedding.
60251,186,9,2,It's just a question of... who.
60252,186,9,2,I'm gonna ruin this wedding!
60253,186,9,2,My wife is gonna kill me!
60254,186,9,2,PILOT: Flight attendants prepare for departure.
60255,186,9,2,"We were gonna move to Italy for her dream job, so I brought my son here to Minnesota to see my mom before we left."
60256,186,9,2,"And then I got offered a job as a judge in New York City, which is my dream."
60257,186,9,2,But that'll totally destroy her dream!
60258,186,9,2,You are destroying a lot of dreams right now.
60259,186,9,2,(phone chimes)
60260,186,9,2,(chuckles)
60261,186,9,2,Wait.
60262,186,9,2,If I got this...
60263,186,9,2,(phone chimes)
60264,186,9,2,(sighs)
60265,186,9,2,Aren't you gonna check that?
60266,186,9,2,No.
60267,186,9,2,It-It's just another obnoxious update from Marshall's mom.
60268,186,9,2,"She's been posting these ""cute"" baby pics of Marvin, but it's all just propaganda."
60269,186,9,2,"First, it wa,[/i] sDon't move to Italy."""
60270,186,9,2,Followed by an extremely subtle
60271,186,9,2,guilt trip.
60272,186,9,2,"And then, randomly preachy."
60273,186,9,2,"Nah, not looking."
60274,186,9,2,It's just gonna piss me off.
60275,186,9,2,Why are we exiting again?
60276,186,9,2,"Well, if you turn in your binder to the section labele,[/i] dMennonite Windmills..."""
60277,186,9,2,Get back on the expressway now.
60278,186,9,2,(scoffs)
60279,186,9,2,The expressway's for gloveless amateurs.
60280,186,9,2,I'm done.
60281,186,9,2,There's a train station coming up; just drop me off.
60282,186,9,2,"Okay, but some newfangled train's not gonna stop at the 40-foot-tall butter churn in Ronkonkoma!"
60283,186,9,2,"Yes, but unlike any of your 18th-century stops, at least the train will have a 21st-century toilet!"
60284,186,9,2,You're a 21st-century toilet!
60285,186,9,2,(gasps)
60286,186,9,2,Train now!
60287,186,9,2,Fine!
60288,186,9,2,"Okay, so far, I've got 12 wild cards, not counting the ring bear."
60289,186,9,2,Ring bear-er.
60290,186,9,2,"Oh, oh, here's another one."
60291,186,9,2,You know how I found out that I'm one-quarter Canadian but I've completely blocked that out because your nation's ridiculous and I'm awesome?
60292,186,9,2,Sure.
60293,186,9,2,"Well, turns out, I have a crazy cousin Mitch on that side of the family."
60294,186,9,2,That's funny.
60295,186,9,2,"I have a crazy cousin Mitch, too."
60296,186,9,2,But I guarantee he is crazier than yours.
60297,186,9,2,He built his own house from timber he chopped down from other people's houses.
60298,186,9,2,That's funny.
60299,186,9,2,My cousin Mitch is a lumberjack.
60300,186,9,2,Except mine has six fingers.
60301,186,9,2,On one hand or total?
60302,186,9,2,Total.
60303,186,9,2,Are truckers always beating him up?
60304,186,9,2,"Yes, because he has to..."
60305,186,9,2,BOTH: ...hitchhike with his middle finger.
60306,186,9,2,Wait.
60307,186,9,2,Is it possible that we're...
60308,186,9,2,Could... c-could... could we be...?
60309,186,9,2,Shh...
60310,186,9,2,"Ranjit, could you be a dear and pull over for a second?"
60311,186,9,2,Pulling over!
60312,186,9,2,(both chuckle weakly)
60313,186,9,2,(both retching)
60314,186,9,2,"All right, train."
60315,186,9,2,Let's show your critics you're not just a Dumpster on wheels full of drunk idiots.
60316,186,9,2,CONDUCTOR: We're being held at this station until further notice.
60317,186,9,2,I got to sober up.
60318,186,9,2,(phone ringing)
60319,186,9,2,"Eriksen residence, Judy speaking."
60320,186,9,2,Why did you post that judge photo?
60321,186,9,2,Because I'm guilty... of being one proud mama!
60322,186,9,2,"Lily doesn't know that I took the job, so if she sees it, I'm dead."
60323,186,9,2,"Just take it down, okay?"
60324,186,9,2,Fine.
60325,186,9,2,Let me just get on the online so I can Internet.
60326,186,9,2,I love the lingo!
60327,186,9,2,(modem screeching)
60328,186,9,2,"Look, Mom, just-just... click on the photo on your wall, and then under ""menu"""" click on ""options"""""
60329,186,9,2,Some kind of advertisement popped on.
60330,186,9,2,"Oh, my."
60331,186,9,2,That appears to be pornography.
60332,186,9,2,"Just click on ""options"""""
60333,186,9,2,(whispering): It's men with other men.
60334,186,9,2,"(whispering loudly): Just click on ""options""!"
60335,186,9,2,Excuse me!
60336,186,9,2,Are there any other seats left on this plane?
60337,186,9,2,No.
60338,186,9,2,"Hell, I've been going to Pilates."
60339,186,9,2,I can just hang on to the landing gear like this.
60340,186,9,2,"Sorry, ma'am."
60341,186,9,2,"I only signed up for Pilates, I haven't actually started going yet."
60342,186,9,2,I didn't sign up.
60343,186,9,2,"LILY: No, I'm not looking."
60344,186,9,2,I don't need to see my child used against me.
60345,186,9,2,"My sweet, beautiful child who I haven't seen in a week... whose head smells like love and unicorn teardrops, and why are trains so lonely?!"
60346,186,9,2,"Damn it, I'm looking!"
60347,186,9,2,"WOMAN: Hey, are you okay?"
60348,186,9,2,You look stressed.
60349,186,9,2,"Plus, you muttered a few words out loud."
60350,186,9,2,"I heard ""lonely"" and ""unicorn,"" which actually gave me a great idea for a children's book, so thank you."
60351,186,9,2,Are you okay?
60352,186,9,2,No.
60353,186,9,2,But there's nothing you can do.
60354,186,9,2,Do you want a cookie?
60355,186,9,2,(crying): Yes.
60356,186,9,2,"Yes, I do."
60357,186,9,2,Wow.
60358,186,9,2,You just took a cookie from a complete stranger on a train.
60359,186,9,2,I like how trusting you are.
60360,186,9,2,There could be drugs or poison in there.
60361,186,9,2,"But there's not, is there?"
60362,186,9,2,"No idea, I found them under my seat."
60363,186,9,2,No!
60364,186,9,2,Kidding! Sorry!
60365,186,9,2,"You looked stressed, so I thought you could use a cookie, then I thought you could use a joke."
60366,186,9,2,I should have stopped at the cookie.
60367,186,9,2,You know what?
60368,186,9,2,I don't care if these are poisoned.
60369,186,9,2,There's chocolate and peanut butter and caramel in these sumbitches.
60370,186,9,2,"I call them ""Sumbitches""!"
60371,186,9,2,(laughing)
60372,186,9,2,NARRATOR: And that's how Lily met your mother.
60373,186,9,2,Are Cousin Mitch and I directly related?
60374,186,9,2,"No, Mom, I'm asking is Cousin Mitch a blood relative?"
60375,186,9,2,"I'm not asking about Cousin Pete, I'm asking about Cousin Robin!"
60376,186,9,2,Mitch!
60377,186,9,2,Cousin Mitch!
60378,186,9,2,"Well, just find out from Uncle Frank and call me back!"
60379,186,9,2,"Well, then, go visit Cousin Cecil at his sky-diving school and ask him!"
60380,186,9,2,"Oh, God, he did?"
60381,186,9,2,"Well, I guess that can happen no matter how experienced you are."
60382,186,9,2,I'm so sorry.
60383,186,9,2,(exhales)
60384,186,9,2,got fired.
60385,186,9,2,(sighs): Oh.
60386,186,9,2,That's a relief.
60387,186,9,2,Um... I'm so sorry for your loss.
60388,186,9,2,It may be our loss.
60389,186,9,2,(both shudder)
60390,186,9,2,"Just click on ""options""!"
60391,186,9,2,All I see is a man holding a bratwurst!
60392,186,9,2,Oh.
60393,186,9,2,"No, the pornography's back."
60394,186,9,2,"I said, please turn off all electronic devices."
60395,186,9,2,Oh. (laughs)
60396,186,9,2,This isn't an electronic device.
60397,186,9,2,This is actually a toy.
60398,186,9,2,For my son.
60399,186,9,2,We call it Phone-y.
60400,186,9,2,(scoffs)
60401,186,9,2,I call you phony.
60402,186,9,2,We can't take off till you hang up.
60403,186,9,2,"Okay, enough. Give me that phone!"
60404,186,9,2,"Just click on ""options"""""
60405,186,9,2,I don't see it!
60406,186,9,2,"I said, give me the phone!"
60407,186,9,2,"Just click on ""options""!"
60408,186,9,2,Stop yelling at me!
60409,186,9,2,"Just click on ""options"""""
60410,186,9,2,Give me the phone.
60411,186,9,2,"Click on ""options""!"
60412,186,9,2,Click on... I have a baby!
60413,186,9,2,"Please, I-I have to get to New York."
60414,186,9,2,"Yeah, well, you should have thought about that before you attacked me."
60415,186,9,2,"All right, boys, you got this?"
60416,186,9,2,Good.
60417,186,9,2,"Let's get this bird in the air. Ah, you're both banned from this flight."
60418,186,9,2,"So I was driving with my friend, who thinks he',[/i] sThe Road Trip Master."""
60419,186,9,2,He has leather driving gloves.
60420,186,9,2,Who wears those?
60421,186,9,2,"Huge dorks, that's who."
60422,186,9,2,NARRATOR: Your mother was lying.
60423,186,9,2,She had her own pair.
60424,186,9,2,And he always makes us stop to see some weird roadside attraction no one except him gives a crap about.
60425,186,9,2,Nerd alert.
60426,186,9,2,"NARRATOR: Kids, you remember the seven-hour detour on our road trip to Disney World so your mother didn't miss that goat in South Carolina who could blow smoke rings."
60427,186,9,2,And he won't go one mile an hour over the speed limit.
60428,186,9,2,That would drive me crazy.
60429,186,9,2,I would give him a humiliating nickname until he stopped driving like a little girl.
60430,186,9,2,"NARRATOR: It was ""Lady Tedwina Slowsby."""
60431,186,9,2,And it worked.
60432,186,9,2,"Okay, look, if it's true, if we are..."
60433,186,9,2,(gags softly)
60434,186,9,2,You know.
60435,186,9,2,It's really not that big a deal.
60436,186,9,2,"Okay, we-we know we won't have kids."
60437,186,9,2,"And even if we did, King Joffrey's parents were brother and sister, and he was a fair and wise leader."
60438,186,9,2,"Yeah. Look, no one ever needs to know but us."
60439,186,9,2,Exactly.
60440,186,9,2,(both chuckle)
60441,186,9,2,I know.
60442,186,9,2,BARNEY: We might have to...
60443,186,9,2,ROBIN: Take care of Ranjit.
60444,186,9,2,"Hey, you just finished my..."
60445,186,9,2,Creepy telepathic murder thought.
60446,186,9,2,"Oh, it must be a soul mate thing."
60447,186,9,2,Unless... it's a weird cousin thing.
60448,186,9,2,(gags softly)
60449,186,9,2,"So we'll be good either way, right?"
60450,186,9,2,Honey?
60451,186,9,2,That's right... sweetie.
60452,186,9,2,"Now, get over here, you."
60453,186,9,2,"Gah, just try and stop me."
60454,186,9,2,"Aw. Ooh, ooh."
60455,186,9,2,"Ooh, mmm, mmm, mmm."
60456,186,9,2,"Well, I can't wait till tonight."
60457,186,9,2,I have got some naughty-naughty-naughty things planned.
60458,186,9,2,Aw.
60459,186,9,2,"Oh, wow, you have certainly piqued my incest."
60460,186,9,2,Interest. Interest!
60461,186,9,2,I still can't believe he dragged me to the childhood home of some stupid bucklesmith no one's ever even heard of.
60462,186,9,2,"Yeah, who cares about Florian van Otterloop?"
60463,186,9,2,I never told you his name.
60464,186,9,2,Sumbitch?
60465,186,9,2,"I mean, why'd he have to act that way?"
60466,186,9,2,He knows I hate how he gets on road trips.
60467,186,9,2,It almost seems like he wanted you to storm off.
60468,186,9,2,But we're going to the same place.
60469,186,9,2,There's no reason why he'd want to ditch me.
60470,186,9,2,"NARRATOR: And suddenly Lily remembered that a week ago, I'd helped Robin look for her long-lost locket."
60471,186,9,2,But it was gone.
60472,186,9,2,"Then Lily told me the locket actually got stashed in my pencil box, but when I opened it... the locket wasn't there."
60473,186,9,2,Good.
60474,186,9,2,'Cause that locket's trouble.
60475,186,9,2,"How? It's-it's just a friendly, innocent wedding gift."
60476,186,9,2,It's not innocent.
60477,186,9,2,"Ted, you think if you can get that locket for Robin you'll win her back."
60478,186,9,2,"Lily, I've let it go."
60479,186,9,2,I mean... What?
60480,186,9,2,"There's, like, a one percent chance that Stella has the locket from when we lived together."
60481,186,9,2,Promise me you didn't call the woman who left you at the altar so that you could find that locket.
60482,186,9,2,Of course not.
60483,186,9,2,I e-mailed her.
60484,186,9,2,Ted.
60485,186,9,2,But Stella's living in L.A. now.
60486,186,9,2,"And even if she has it, it's buried in some storage unit."
60487,186,9,2,She said I'd have to fly out there and look for it myself.
60488,186,9,2,Promise me you aren't about to do that.
60489,186,9,2,I promise.
60490,186,9,2,Sumbitch!
60491,186,9,2,"You better hope when Sweaty finally gets off that phone, he can get me on the next flight to New York."
60492,186,9,2,I got the password from my mom.
60493,186,9,2,I'm gonna take that photo down myself.
60494,186,9,2,"You know, I don't give a damn about your photo."
60495,186,9,2,"My daughter is giving a big speech for the Model U.N. at her school, and I'm gonna miss it because of you."
60496,186,9,2,(sighs)
60497,186,9,2,Her father and I are separated.
60498,186,9,2,She lives with her dad.
60499,186,9,2,And if I don't make it... she's never gonna trust me again.
60500,186,9,2,I'm so sorry.
60501,186,9,2,"Wow, that worked on you?"
60502,186,9,2,Let's hope Pit Stains is as dumb as you are.
60503,186,9,2,What? Why is this so hard for my mom?
60504,186,9,2,"All you do is you click the photo, and then you click on the..."
60505,186,9,2,"I don't see... I don't see ""options."""
60506,186,9,2,"Just click on ""options."""
60507,186,9,2,But where is it?
60508,186,9,2,"Just click on ""options."""
60509,186,9,2,Is it up on the toolbar?
60510,186,9,2,"Just click on ""options."" It's not there!"
60511,186,9,2,"Just click on ""options""!"
60512,186,9,2,(phone ringing)
60513,186,9,2,"Hi, Grandma."
60514,186,9,2,You-you can explain how Cousin Mitch is related to us?
60515,186,9,2,"Explain, Grandma, explain!"
60516,186,9,2,"Okay, he married Barney's dad's cousin Renee, who he met selling Vachon cakes outside a curling bonspiel in Chicoutimi."
60517,186,9,2,"English, Grandma, English!"
60518,186,9,2,"And on our side of the family, he was adopted because his real parents were eaten alive by their sled dogs?"
60519,186,9,2,"That's awesome! Thanks, Grandma."
60520,186,9,2,(both sigh)
60521,186,9,2,So...
60522,186,9,2,So you and I share no DNA whatsoever.
60523,186,9,2,Let's change that.
60524,186,9,2,(both moaning)
60525,186,9,2,RANJIT: Don't hold back.
60526,186,9,2,This divider is totally soundproof.
60527,186,9,2,Go all the way.
60528,186,9,2,Wait till the hotel?
60529,186,9,2,Totally.
60530,186,9,2,"Hey, you know what?"
60531,186,9,2,I'm not worried about a wild card at our wedding anymore.
60532,186,9,2,Whether it's Uncle Vic or Aunt Shelly or the ring bear.
60533,186,9,2,Ring bear-er. Er.
60534,186,9,2,"Whether any of those mammals go rogue, our wedding is gonna be legendary."
60535,186,9,2,"No ""wait for it""?"
60536,186,9,2,I've got you.
60537,186,9,2,I don't have to wait for it anymore.
60538,186,9,2,(phone ringing)
60539,186,9,2,(line ringing)
60540,186,9,2,"It's a long story, but if we don't beat my friend out to that wedding, it's gonna be bad."
60541,186,9,2,This is too stressful. I-I need to see Marvin!
60542,186,9,2,"No! You made me promise not to let you look, because it's only gonna upset you."
60543,186,9,2,"Here, have another sum... bitch."
60544,186,9,2,No more sumbitches?!
60545,186,9,2,Give me the damn phone!
60546,186,9,2,(both scream)
60547,186,9,2,"(clamoring) Just go to ""edi"""" on the toolbar!"
60548,186,9,2,"No, ""account settings""!"
60549,186,9,2,"Just click on ""options"""""
60550,186,9,2,Stop!
60551,186,9,2,It can't be done.
60552,186,9,2,That photo is etched in eternity.
60553,186,9,2,"Long after humanity's reign has ended, the only traces of our civilization found by Earth's new ape masters will be the top of the Statue of Liberty and this photo of me pretending to be a judge with a banana gavel."
60554,186,9,2,"Well, they'll probably like the banana thing."
60555,186,9,2,The ape masters?
60556,186,9,2,"Sorry. Lily's gonna see it, and we're gonna have the biggest fight of our lives."
60557,186,9,2,"(chuckles) Oh, I wish I could see your wife kick your ass."
60558,186,9,2,I don't mean a physical fight.
60559,186,9,2,She's not an animal.
60560,186,9,2,I'm sorry I tried to bite you.
60561,186,9,2,I'm sorry that I swatted you on the nose with a rolled-up magazine.
60562,186,9,2,It's the only way I'll learn.
60563,186,9,2,"Look, I haven't seen my baby in a week."
60564,186,9,2,You know what?
60565,186,9,2,Go for it.
60566,186,9,2,It's gone!
60567,186,9,2,It's gone!
60568,186,9,2,(all cheering)
60569,186,9,2,You did it!
60570,186,9,2,You did it! (laughs)
60571,186,9,2,No new insulting Marvin photo.
60572,186,9,2,Hmm.
60573,186,9,2,(voice breaks): No new insulting Marvin photo.
60574,186,9,2,"I know I'm just a stranger on a train who you tried to bite, but... do you want a hug?"
60575,186,9,2,(Lily yells)
60576,186,9,2,Lily! What the hell?!
60577,186,9,2,Ted and I had some road trip issues.
60578,186,9,2,Did he put on the gloves? Mm-hmm.
60579,186,9,2,That tackle was justified.
60580,186,9,2,What's this? It's for you.
60581,186,9,2,Don't open it.
60582,186,9,2,"TED: With all the big changes coming up, I just wanted Robin to remember her friends."
60583,186,9,2,We all want nothing but happiness for you and Barney.
60584,186,9,2,"Right, Lily?"
60585,186,9,2,Right.
60586,186,9,2,"Oh, wow."
60587,186,9,2,"That was, what, eight years ago?"
60588,186,9,2,Yeah.
60589,186,9,2,Eight years.
60590,186,9,2,"Thanks, Ted."
60591,186,9,2,I'm gonna... I'm gonna get checked in.
60592,186,9,2,Marshall's flight just took off.
60593,186,9,2,My boys will be here soon.
60594,186,9,2,"Oh, yay."
60595,186,9,2,
60596,186,9,2,"NARRATOR: Actually, Lily's boys were just learning there was only one more flight out to New York with one seat left, and it was all the way across the airport."
60597,186,9,2,"You're not gonna tackle me again, are you?"
60598,186,9,2,I'm the maid of honor.
60599,186,9,2,There's a good chance that won't be my only tackle of the weekend.
60600,186,9,2,NARRATOR: It wasn't.
60601,186,9,2,"Look, I'm sorry."
60602,186,9,2,"I just got it in my head that you somehow managed to track down that locket in Los Angeles, and now you were gonna blow up the wedding."
60603,186,9,2,You really think I'm that crazy?
60604,186,9,2,(sighs)
60605,186,9,2,I guess that's fair.
60606,186,9,2,"Look, even though I was wrong, tell me you aren't thinking about doing anything insane this weekend."
60607,186,9,2,Of course not.
60608,186,9,2,"NARRATOR: And all I can say, kids, is at that moment, I really thought I meant it."
60609,186,9,2,But the truth is... you never know who's gonna be the wild card at a wedding.
60610,186,9,2,"Hi. One ticket to Los Angeles, please."
60611,186,9,2,"NARRATOR: That afternoon at the Farhampton Inn, Aunt Lily and I tried to check in."
60612,186,9,2,Are you chewing gum?
60613,186,9,2,You never chew gum.
60614,186,9,2,You shouldn't chew gum in here.
60615,186,9,2,"Nobody cares if I chew gum, Ted."
60616,186,9,2,Are you chewing gum?
60617,186,9,2,"Yes, she is. She's chewing gum."
60618,186,9,2,"Ooh, can I have a piece?"
60619,186,9,2,Of course! Great.
60620,186,9,2,Thank you.
60621,186,9,2,"Okay, let's chew some gum and get you guys all checked in."
60622,186,9,2,"Ms. Aldrin, how many keys will you need?"
60623,186,9,2,"Two, please."
60624,186,9,2,My husband's getting in later.
60625,186,9,2,"Excellent, and Mr. Mosby?"
60626,186,9,2,"Uh, just one, please."
60627,186,9,2,"Oh, oh, I-I see."
60628,186,9,2,Oh.
60629,186,9,2,"Well, hang in there."
60630,186,9,2,You'll find somebody.
60631,186,9,2,"Thank you, front desk stranger."
60632,186,9,2,"I'm sorry, we just... we just don't get a lot of singles here."
60633,186,9,2,"I mean, look at this place."
60634,186,9,2,It's so romantic.
60635,186,9,2,Countless babies conceived within these walls.
60636,186,9,2,And one... grisly murder.
60637,186,9,2,"Now, are you sure that you wouldn't feel more comfortable staying at a motel?"
60638,186,9,2,"What? No, look."
60639,186,9,2,"I'm not some miserable, lonely person."
60640,186,9,2,"Tell him, Lily."
60641,186,9,2,It's a tough weekend for him.
60642,186,9,2,Bro.
60643,186,9,2,We're here for a wedding. Ouch.
60644,186,9,2,"And he used to date the bride. Ooh, mama."
60645,186,9,2,And he's the best man. Devastating.
60646,186,9,2,Could you please just check us in?
60647,186,9,2,"Oh, your rooms aren't gonna be ready for hours."
60648,186,9,2,"But in the meantime, Ms. Aldrin, I definitely think you and your husband should check out the lighthouse."
60649,186,9,2,It's a beautiful view of the bay-- so romantic.
60650,186,9,2,"Oh, wow."
60651,186,9,2,Here's the channel guide for the TV.
60652,186,9,2,"Don't listen to him, Ted."
60653,186,9,2,(phone ringing)
60654,186,9,2,You are not alone.
60655,186,9,2,"In fact, this whole weekend, it is going to be nothing but me and..."
60656,186,9,2,Marshall!
60657,186,9,2,"Oh, thank God, you're on your way."
60658,186,9,2,"If I had to be here alone, I would kill myself."
60659,186,9,2,How are you doing?
60660,186,9,2,I'm fine... Curtis.
60661,186,9,2,"I mean, let's do the math here."
60662,186,9,2,"One ""best man"" plus on,[/i] eno girlfriend"" equals..."
60663,186,9,2,"""Mothers of Farhampton, lock up your daughters!"""
60664,186,9,2,Double guns!
60665,186,9,2,(imitating gunshots)
60666,186,9,2,"Wow, you're in bad shape."
60667,186,9,2,Marshall missed his flight.
60668,186,9,2,He might not get here tonight.
60669,186,9,2,He might not get here at all.
60670,186,9,2,We... only have a few of these left.
60671,186,9,2,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x02 ♪
60672,186,9,2,Coming Back
60673,186,9,2,"Original Air Date on September 23, 2013"
60674,186,9,2,Hi...
60675,186,9,2,Linus.
60676,186,9,2,Here's how this goes down.
60677,186,9,2,"If I'm going to make it through this weekend without my husband, I need you to hook a lady up."
60678,186,9,2,"Any time you see me without a drink in my hand, you put a drink in my hand."
60679,186,9,2,"Are you my guy, Linus?"
60680,186,9,2,So you want the Kennedy Package?
60681,186,9,2,Bingo.
60682,186,9,2,(phone rings)
60683,186,9,2,Go for Barney.
60684,186,9,2,Ah.
60685,186,9,2,Thank you Linus.
60686,186,9,2,"Barney, before you get too upset, there's another flight that leaves in five minutes."
60687,186,9,2,You're getting on it. I'm gonna try.
60688,186,9,2,There is no try!
60689,186,9,2,You're getting on that plane.
60690,186,9,2,"Hey, growth spurt."
60691,186,9,2,"If there is only one seat left on this plane, I will fight you for it."
60692,186,9,2,And I'm a biter.
60693,186,9,2,"Marshall, whoever that is, grab her carry-on and throw it into a restricted area."
60694,186,9,2,I'm serious. Do it. Do it now.
60695,186,9,2,What? No.
60696,186,9,2,"Barney, are you...?"
60697,186,9,2,"No, I'm not gonna..."
60698,186,9,2,That's... No.
60699,186,9,2,"There is n,[/i] oWhat, no, Barney, are you, no I'm not gonna, that's no!"""
60700,186,9,2,This is a holiday weekend.
60701,186,9,2,You're not gonna get to New York by being nice.
60702,186,9,2,So you're gonna have to lose the whole Midwestern aw-shucksy-doodles thing...
60703,186,9,2,Shucksy doodles?
60704,186,9,2,...and act like a New Yorker.
60705,186,9,2,"A pushy, obnoxious, knock-the-other-guy-down-and-take-his-hot-dog resident of the greatest city on earth!"
60706,186,9,2,"No can do, Barney."
60707,186,9,2,"I'm from Minnesota, where there's plenty of hot dogs for everyone."
60708,186,9,2,Perhaps even too many.
60709,186,9,2,"But listen, I'm gonna get to New York without being a jerk."
60710,186,9,2,Just get to New York!
60711,186,9,2,I'll get to New York!
60712,186,9,2,Nobody's getting to New York.
60713,186,9,2,Not this weekend anyway.
60714,186,9,2,There's a big storm rolling up the East Coast.
60715,186,9,2,All the airports are closing.
60716,186,9,2,My advice is rent a car and drive.
60717,186,9,2,But you better hurry.
60718,186,9,2,They're gonna run out of cars soon.
60719,186,9,2,(groans)
60720,186,9,2,"Okay, listen."
60721,186,9,2,"If we're both going to New York, why don't we rent a car, split the drive?"
60722,186,9,2,That seems like a reasonable plan.
60723,186,9,2,Can I help you with that diaper bag?
60724,186,9,2,"Sure. Thank you. Oh, it's..."
60725,186,9,2,"Have a nice bus ride, pumpkin head!"
60726,186,9,2,(panting)
60727,186,9,2,"Hey, lady."
60728,186,9,2,"Yeah, you just threw away your ticket to a really great road trip."
60729,186,9,2,"I'm sorry, I can't hear you."
60730,186,9,2,"You're all the way back there, and I'm all the way up here."
60731,186,9,2,(laughing)
60732,186,9,2,"Oh, you can hear me."
60733,186,9,2,"Get ready to be driving the jealous-mobile because our car is gonna have games, snacks, a James Patterson audio book my mother describes a,[/i] scluttering her glove box."""
60734,186,9,2,Your car? I'll be in Pittsburgh before you get your car.
60735,186,9,2,We'll see about that.
60736,186,9,2,"And if you're going to New York, you're not gonna want to go through Pittsburgh."
60737,186,9,2,"94 backs up around Allentown, so you're gonna want to stick on 80."
60738,186,9,2,Jerk face!
60739,186,9,2,"Come on, universe."
60740,186,9,2,I'm a nice guy.
60741,186,9,2,Send me a miracle.
60742,186,9,2,NARRATOR: And then the universe sent your Uncle Marshall...
60743,186,9,2,Herm.
60744,186,9,2,"Okay, people, let's move it along. What do you want?"
60745,186,9,2,You want a car? You got a car. Beat it.
60746,186,9,2,What kind of car do you want?
60747,186,9,2,"Too slow, you get a minivan."
60748,186,9,2,"Next. Ah, midsize sedan."
60749,186,9,2,Incoming. Next.
60750,186,9,2,Yes! You want a gas option?
60751,186,9,2,Nobody wants a gas option. Get out of here.
60752,186,9,2,Next.
60753,186,9,2,Hello. I need a car.
60754,186,9,2,You've got it. That's all of them.
60755,186,9,2,"We're all out of cars, everybody."
60756,186,9,2,"Wait, no!"
60757,186,9,2,You let this guy beat you?
60758,186,9,2,"Ma'am, it's not a race."
60759,186,9,2,That right there is why you lost.
60760,186,9,2,Maybe this is your fault.
60761,186,9,2,Did you ever think of that?
60762,186,9,2,"Maybe if you had just been a little bit nicer, then you would be the one driving this lovely..."
60763,186,9,2,What kind of car is it?
60764,186,9,2,"NARRATOR: Now, kids, I don't remember the actual name of this car, but to an environmentalist like Marshall, this car was a monstrosity."
60765,186,9,2,2006 Monstrosity.
60766,186,9,2,♪ Monstrosity
60767,186,9,2,♪ 'Cause global warming's not real. ♪
60768,186,9,2,"Oh, no, not a Monstrosity."
60769,186,9,2,I'll take it. I can't drive that.
60770,186,9,2,I can. Give me the Monstrosity.
60771,186,9,2,Do you have anything else? I'll take the Monstrosity.
60772,186,9,2,"There's nothing else. Give me the keys, old man!"
60773,186,9,2,It's just so freaking huge!
60774,186,9,2,"Well, actually it's a Monstrosity Sport, so it's a little smaller."
60775,186,9,2,♪ Monstrosity Sport
60776,186,9,2,♪ It's still freaking huge.
60777,186,9,2,Fine. I'll take it.
60778,186,9,2,But I'm also gonna need a baby seat.
60779,186,9,2,We're all out of baby seats. Get out of here.
60780,186,9,2,"Oh, my God... what am I gonna do?"
60781,186,9,2,I don't care.
60782,186,9,2,(groans)
60783,186,9,2,Can I make a suggestion?
60784,186,9,2,"I rent the car, then I go buy the car seat, come back here, pick you guys up, and then the three of us drive to New York together."
60785,186,9,2,(laughs quietly)
60786,186,9,2,Let me get this straight.
60787,186,9,2,"So, you're gonna rent the car, go and get a baby seat for my son, and then drive all the way back here to pick me up."
60788,186,9,2,That's right.
60789,186,9,2,"Well, then you're gonna need some cash. Here."
60790,186,9,2,Hundred bucks ought to cover it.
60791,186,9,2,"So, we'll see you soon."
60792,186,9,2,"You got it, Michael! Marshall."
60793,186,9,2,"Doesn't matter now, does it?"
60794,186,9,2,"Remember this day, Marvin."
60795,186,9,2,"Not only is this the day that we either saw Prince or a... a really flamboyantly dressed greyhound, it's also the day that your dad chose not to be a jerk... and put his trust in humanity."
60796,186,9,2,Just watch where it gets us.
60797,186,9,2,Shucksy-doodles!
60798,186,9,2,NARRATOR: Uncle Marshall was just about ready to abandon his faith in humanity.
60799,186,9,2,But let's back up a little bit.
60800,186,9,2,And now the true tale of the Stinson Curse.
60801,186,9,2,"BARNEY: Moscow, 1807."
60802,186,9,2,(Russian accent): What a wonderful night at the opera.
60803,186,9,2,"Wouldn't you agree, Comrade Barnovski?"
60804,186,9,2,"(Russian accent): I would indeed, Comrade Jamesokoff."
60805,186,9,2,But you know what made it truly wonderful?
60806,186,9,2,"Being here with my wife... the beet in my borscht, the fur on my hat, the only person I've ever been attracted to, ever."
60807,186,9,2,I feel the same way about Kyle... my plutonic friend from work.
60808,186,9,2,(clattering)
60809,186,9,2,"Is it just me, or did that feel like we hit an old Gypsy woman?"
60810,186,9,2,Yep. Old Gypsy woman.
60811,186,9,2,"Good call, Barnovski. Oh, well, she's just a peasant."
60812,186,9,2,"Home, Smirnoff."
60813,186,9,2,"Wait, she's saying somethink!"
60814,186,9,2,"(low, deep moan)"
60815,186,9,2,Hornier.
60816,186,9,2,Hornier.
60817,186,9,2,Hornier?
60818,186,9,2,Sonobovich!
60819,186,9,2,Did she just put a curse on us?
60820,186,9,2,"Eh, nonsense, brother."
60821,186,9,2,"Okay, let's go, Smirnoff."
60822,186,9,2,Smirnoff?
60823,186,9,2,"Homina, hominovich. Mmm, Smirnoff, I would climb you like the Kremlin Wall."
60824,186,9,2,What's happening to me?
60825,186,9,2,"Don't you see? You're getting hornier, brother, just like the old Gypsy woman said!"
60826,186,9,2,"Oh, hello there."
60827,186,9,2,(chuckles) Ever had a White Russian?
60828,186,9,2,"BARNEY: For the next 200 years, every male member of the Stinson family was afflicted by the Gypsy's curse, an unquenchable thirst for booty that no committed relationship"
60829,186,9,2,could ever satisfy.
60830,186,9,2,"That is, until my brother James met his husband Tom."
60831,186,9,2,"The day they got married, they lifted the curse forever, freeing me from the shackles of having s*x with lots of different women."
60832,186,9,2,"Although, sometimes Robin and I still use the shackles."
60833,186,9,2,Bondage five!
60834,186,9,2,"Whoa. I can't, I can't, I can't."
60835,186,9,2,(phone rings)
60836,186,9,2,Go for Barney!
60837,186,9,2,Ah.
60838,186,9,2,"Thank you, Linus."
60839,186,9,2,This is worse than I thought.
60840,186,9,2,"I know. Showtime, no HBO?"
60841,186,9,2,JAMES: No.
60842,186,9,2,Tom and I are getting divorced.
60843,186,9,2,What? TED: What?
60844,186,9,2,That's why you look extra handsome.
60845,186,9,2,I do get extra hot when I'm single.
60846,186,9,2,Your skin looks amazing.
60847,186,9,2,Looks amazing. I know.
60848,186,9,2,So... so what happened? Why-why'd you guys break up?
60849,186,9,2,"Well, the thing to remember is that when something like this happens, it's nobody's fault."
60850,186,9,2,You cheated on him. Repeatedly.
60851,186,9,2,"I thought about keeping it quiet, but then I realized, wouldn't my family want me to be honest with them about news this big?"
60852,186,9,2,"Oh, can I just say five things?"
60853,186,9,2,"What is the matter with... sorry, six-- you?!"
60854,186,9,2,Ooh! What?!
60855,186,9,2,"I'm-I'm sorry about you and Tom, but you can't just drop a bombshell like this so close to someone's wedding."
60856,186,9,2,You broke the curse. You and Tom are the only couple that makes Barney believe in marriage.
60857,186,9,2,(chuckles) Really? The only couple?
60858,186,9,2,"I mean, no one else comes to mind?"
60859,186,9,2,Been together 17 years?
60860,186,9,2,"She's a spunky redhead, he's got calves that launched a thousand lady boners?"
60861,186,9,2,"BARNEY: Hey, sorry about that."
60862,186,9,2,"Hey, did you guys know that Sunday is James' and Tom's anniversary?"
60863,186,9,2,How cool is that?
60864,186,9,2,We're anniversary bros!
60865,186,9,2,"Every year, we should go out and celebrate... just the two of us."
60866,186,9,2,"Listen, bro, you..."
60867,186,9,2,"I know, I know, ""Please, Barney, you don't have to get us an anniversary gift this year."""
60868,186,9,2,You get them an anniversary gift?
60869,186,9,2,Why shouldn't I? They're the one couple that makes me believe marriage is possible.
60870,186,9,2,"I mean, I'm sitting right here."
60871,186,9,2,"Thank you, Linus."
60872,186,9,2,"JAMES: Barney, the thing is..."
60873,186,9,2,"Cover your ears and hum ""The Battle Hymn of the Republic"""""
60874,186,9,2,Why?
60875,186,9,2,It's for the bride.
60876,186,9,2,"Oh, it's for... (humming)"
60877,186,9,2,"Okay, listen, James, my cousin Vince is a Mountie."
60878,186,9,2,"His girlfriend is back home, but he gets gay at weddings."
60879,186,9,2,He's yours. I am giving you Vince.
60880,186,9,2,"Just please, don't tell Barney."
60881,186,9,2,If he finds out that the only successful marriage in his life is over...
60882,186,9,2,I hate everyone at this table.
60883,186,9,2,...it'll spook him.
60884,186,9,2,I don't want him getting spooked.
60885,186,9,2,"Robin, have some faith."
60886,186,9,2,Do you really think what you and Barney have is that fragile?
60887,186,9,2,I don't want to find out.
60888,186,9,2,Fine.
60889,186,9,2,"Thanks, baby."
60890,186,9,2,No sweat. Mmm...
60891,186,9,2,"So, James, seriously, where's Tom?"
60892,186,9,2,He can't make the wedding.
60893,186,9,2,He had his wisdom teeth out.
60894,186,9,2,Ugh! On top of a divorce?
60895,186,9,2,That is rough.
60896,186,9,2,Uh-oh.
60897,186,9,2,What is she talking about?
60898,186,9,2,Tom and I are getting a divorce.
60899,186,9,2,Excuse me.
60900,186,9,2,Vince... off the table.
60901,186,9,2,What was that? I don't know.
60902,186,9,2,It just came out.
60903,186,9,2,That's it. It's barely even noon.
60904,186,9,2,You're cut off.
60905,186,9,2,"Thank you, Linus."
60906,186,9,2,"Thank you, Linus."
60907,186,9,2,"Thank you, Linus."
60908,186,9,2,"Thank you, Linus."
60909,186,9,2,"Thank you, Linus."
60910,186,9,2,"Okay, but after that one, you're cut off!"
60911,186,9,2,"No! No, you are not doing this. Step away from the desk."
60912,186,9,2,What are you talking about?
60913,186,9,2,"You just found out about James and Tom, and it totally freaked you out, and now you're asking this guy to point you in the direction of the nearest, dirtiest strip club."
60914,186,9,2,"Oh, well, that-that's a tough one."
60915,186,9,2,"Uh, the nearest one that's-that's kind of dirty is The Sand Box, but the, uh... the dirtiest one that's nearby is The Crab Shed."
60916,186,9,2,Dude.
60917,186,9,2,"Sorry. Uh, but hey, if-if you do go, maybe you could take Ted."
60918,186,9,2,I'm really worried about that kid.
60919,186,9,2,"No, Robin, I am not going to a strip club."
60920,186,9,2,Especially right now.
60921,186,9,2,Could you imagine the day shift at The Crab Shed?
60922,186,9,2,Robin...
60923,186,9,2,I came to the desk to get this.
60924,186,9,2,Is that the key to our room?
60925,186,9,2,It's the key to James's room.
60926,186,9,2,"Oh, my."
60927,186,9,2,What is that?
60928,186,9,2,It's an erotic cake.
60929,186,9,2,I wanted to surprise them for their anniversary.
60930,186,9,2,Is that... is that James and Tom?
60931,186,9,2,"Mmm, caramel marzipan, chocolate marzipan."
60932,186,9,2,I love chocolate marzipan.
60933,186,9,2,So does Tom. Used to anyway.
60934,186,9,2,"This is, uh, absolutely the, uh... the weirdest thing anyone has ever done for their sibling."
60935,186,9,2,I love you so much.
60936,186,9,2,You thought I was gonna freak out.
60937,186,9,2,"Well, I mean, a Gypsy cursed your family to become hornier and do awesome guitar solos."
60938,186,9,2,Can you blame me?
60939,186,9,2,"Look, am I bummed about James and Tom getting a divorce?"
60940,186,9,2,Obviously. But I don't need them to make me believe in true love anymore.
60941,186,9,2,I've got you for that now.
60942,186,9,2,Mmm.
60943,186,9,2,"Oh, man, now I gotta figure out what to do with all this stuff."
60944,186,9,2,"Well, before we do that... um, would it be all right if I nibbled on your brother's Ding Dong?"
60945,186,9,2,How about we nibble on my brother's Ding Dong together?
60946,186,9,2,I'd like that.
60947,186,9,2,"NARRATOR: So, they cleaned all that stuff"
60948,186,9,2,out of there and had a talk with James.
60949,186,9,2,"And Barney didn't freak out, because here's the thing, kids."
60950,186,9,2,"When you believe in people, people come through."
60951,186,9,2,"Just so we're clear, I pick the music."
60952,186,9,2,Of course.
60953,186,9,2,Say it.
60954,186,9,2,"Say, ""Daphne picks the music."""
60955,186,9,2,Daphne picks the music.
60956,186,9,2,And you pay for gas.
60957,186,9,2,Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how much gas this thing takes?
60958,186,9,2,(engine revs)
60959,186,9,2,"No, no, okay!"
60960,186,9,2,"Okay, I pay for gas."
60961,186,9,2,"Good. Now, get in."
60962,186,9,2,It's a long ride to Phoenix.
60963,186,9,2,Say what?
60964,186,9,2,(laughs)
60965,186,9,2,I'm just kidding.
60966,186,9,2,"Oh, this is gonna be fun."
60967,186,9,2,This must be the singles table.
60968,186,9,2,(chuckles)
60969,186,9,2,Guess it is.
60970,186,9,2,"Well, it's kind of nice to be asking this question instead of answering it for a change: How are you doing?"
60971,186,9,2,I don't know.
60972,186,9,2,"I'm trying to be happy for my brother, but, uh... I guess a person has a different perspective on weddings when he knows what's down there at the end of the aisle."
60973,186,9,2,It's not all champagne and frosting.
60974,186,9,2,"Mr. Stinson, your room is ready."
60975,186,9,2,"And, Ted... she's right around the corner."
60976,186,9,2,"Thank you, Curtis."
60977,186,9,2,"I feel it, too."
60978,186,9,2,"No, no, no, the-the housekeeper."
60979,186,9,2,She's in the room that's right around the corner from yours.
60980,186,9,2,"Oh. So another hour, tops."
60981,186,9,2,Sure.
60982,186,9,2,"Okay, see you later, Ted."
60983,186,9,2,"You're not giving up, James."
60984,186,9,2,And neither am I.
60985,186,9,2,(footsteps approach)
60986,186,9,2,"TED: Hey, beautiful."
60987,186,9,2,Hi.
60988,186,9,2,"God, you look great."
60989,186,9,2,What? Come on.
60990,186,9,2,You do!
60991,186,9,2,I've been in a car all morning.
60992,186,9,2,I just ate a croissant crumb that I found in my bra.
60993,186,9,2,I'm disgusting.
60994,186,9,2,"Yeah, I saw you do that. And it was super hot. Come here."
60995,186,9,2,(chuckles) You come here. Come here.
60996,186,9,2,"No, you come here. Come here."
60997,186,9,2,"Hey, you want to hear something funny?"
60998,186,9,2,Mm-hmm.
60999,186,9,2,"One year ago today, almost to the minute, I was sitting at this very table right in that seat."
61000,186,9,2,"Oh, yeah. I can see it."
61001,186,9,2,"Nursing your gin and tonic with three extra limes, doing the crossword, probably being all showboat-y about it."
61002,186,9,2,I wasn't being showboat-y about it.
61003,186,9,2,"""Vesuvius"""" Boo-yah!"
61004,186,9,2,"Oh, wait, that doesn't fit."
61005,186,9,2,"The point is, one year ago today, I made a promise to myself right at this table."
61006,186,9,2,THE MOTHER: What was the promise?
61007,186,9,2,"BOTH TEDS: I'm coming back, and I'm bringing you."
61008,186,9,2,Wait a second. Hold it.
61009,186,9,2,"One year ago today, you hadn't even met me."
61010,186,9,2,"I know, but I knew I would."
61011,186,9,2,And now it's a year later.
61012,186,9,2,And here I am.
61013,186,9,2,Here you are.
61014,186,9,2,"Love in your eyes, baked goods in your undergarments."
61015,186,9,2,Yeah.
61016,186,9,2,"You picked a real winner, Mosby."
61017,186,9,2,I did.
61018,186,9,2,"Okay, seriously, what the crap is taking so long with these rooms?"
61019,186,9,2,It was like this last year.
61020,186,9,2,I'll be right back.
61021,186,9,2,I'll be right here.
61022,186,9,2,Sorry that took so long.
61023,186,9,2,Please... try to enjoy your stay.
61024,186,9,2,I will.
61025,186,9,2,Try to.
61026,186,9,2,I will enjoy my stay.
61027,186,9,2,Try.
61028,186,9,2,Not gonna try.
61029,186,9,2,Just... just gonna do it.
61030,186,9,2,Good for you.
61031,186,9,2,Not good for me.
61032,186,9,2,"No, just-just neutral for me."
61033,186,9,2,"Attaboy. No, at not a boy."
61034,186,9,2,It gets better.
61035,186,9,2,"I am fine, Curtis. Okay?"
61036,186,9,2,I enjoy and appreciate the happiness of other people whether I am in a relationship or not. Okay? Curtis?
61037,186,9,2,So just-just... just go ahead and give me my one key because I am fine.
61038,187,9,3,"ROBIN: So, the hairdresser shows up at 2:00 on Sunday."
61039,187,9,3,"Great, and while you do that, I'll check in on the ring bear."
61040,187,9,3,I'm sorry.
61041,187,9,3,"You're sayin,[/i] gring bearer,"" right?"
61042,187,9,3,Ring bear.
61043,187,9,3,"Okay, look into my eyes and say, ""I promise that I'm not bringing a dangerous wild animal to our wedding."""
61044,187,9,3,(chuckles)
61045,187,9,3,(beeping)
61046,187,9,3,I...
61047,187,9,3,"Oh, that's the shuttle with our elderly relatives pulling up."
61048,187,9,3,"There's nine steps between the bus and that front door, which means we've only got about 45 minutes until they get inside."
61049,187,9,3,"We won't have a moment to ourselves once those old bastards latch onto us like leeches, but they're family and I love them."
61050,187,9,3,(chuckles)
61051,187,9,3,Living link to history.
61052,187,9,3,"Oh, God."
61053,187,9,3,This is gonna be rough.
61054,187,9,3,"My great-grandparents never stop bickering, but I guess that's what happens when you've been married for 60 years."
61055,187,9,3,60 years.
61056,187,9,3,"Man, when was the last time you think they had s*x?"
61057,187,9,3,Probably not since the Maple Leafs won the cup.
61058,187,9,3,(chuckles)
61059,187,9,3,1967.
61060,187,9,3,"That's not gonna be us, right?"
61061,187,9,3,"Like, when we get married, it's not all fighting, no s*x?"
61062,187,9,3,What? No way.
61063,187,9,3,"It's us, R-Train and B-Nasty."
61064,187,9,3,That will never happen.
61065,187,9,3,BOTH: We have to have s*x right now.
61066,187,9,3,Aw.
61067,187,9,3,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x03 ♪
61068,187,9,3,Last Time in New York
61069,187,9,3,"Original Air Date on September 30, 2013"
61070,187,9,3,"NARRATOR: Kids, as you recall, Uncle Marshall had gotten kicked off his flight home from Minnesota and was now high-tailing it across the country with another stranded traveler"
61071,187,9,3,named Daphne.
61072,187,9,3,"How's it going, baby?"
61073,187,9,3,Fine.
61074,187,9,3,"Except the flames of Lucifer keep singeing our back bumper as we drive through this hellish, cheese-infested wasteland."
61075,187,9,3,Wisconsin? Wisconsin!
61076,187,9,3,Packers country.
61077,187,9,3,"But don't worry, the Eriksen men are repping the purple and gold like two bosses."
61078,187,9,3,"Go, Vikings!"
61079,187,9,3,(giggles)
61080,187,9,3,"And how are you doing, Daphne?"
61081,187,9,3,"Not bad, considering Marshall's been spouting Vikings trivia for the last hour."
61082,187,9,3,"Do you kno,[/i] wI don't care"" led the league last year in ""dumb sports stuff""?"
61083,187,9,3,"MARSHALL: Anyways, listen, I should be back in time for the rehearsal dinner tomorrow."
61084,187,9,3,"Oh, the rehearsal dinner."
61085,187,9,3,"Daphne, you should have seen the dress I was gonna wear."
61086,187,9,3,"Up top, it packed the gals together like opening night of a s*x and the City movie."
61087,187,9,3,"And down south, it made mama look like a dream Sir Mix-A-Lot would never want to wake up from."
61088,187,9,3,"Ooh, what happened to that dress?"
61089,187,9,3,(screaming)
61090,187,9,3,The drunks at the dry cleaners destroyed it.
61091,187,9,3,(slurps loudly)
61092,187,9,3,"Thank you, Linus."
61093,187,9,3,"Okay, Lily, I have to go."
61094,187,9,3,I have to alert the villagers that there is a Viking amongst them.
61095,187,9,3,Oh...
61096,187,9,3,(blowing horn)
61097,187,9,3,Marshall's driving through Wisconsin? Yep.
61098,187,9,3,"Ooh, is that your toast?"
61099,187,9,3,"Uh... yeah. Yeah, I'm just gonna wing mine."
61100,187,9,3,'Cause if you get up there and speak from the heart... things good... mouth words... memory times.
61101,187,9,3,Can I take a peek at your speech?
61102,187,9,3,"Uh, no. I..."
61103,187,9,3,"""Have a drink with my favorite students, see one last sunset over the Hudson."""
61104,187,9,3,"Ted, your speech sucks."
61105,187,9,3,"Well, it's no ""mouth words, memory times."""
61106,187,9,3,"But if you must know, it's, uh... it's not a speech."
61107,187,9,3,"What is it, then?"
61108,187,9,3,"NARRATOR: A week before the wedding, I realized I couldn't stay in New York any longer."
61109,187,9,3,So I decided to start fresh in Chicago.
61110,187,9,3,It's a list of all the things I want to do before I leave New York.
61111,187,9,3,"Okay, I don't know which I hate more: the fact that you're moving away or the fact that I'm the only one that knows about it."
61112,187,9,3,Why won't you tell anyone?
61113,187,9,3,You don't drop a bombshell like that this close to a wedding.
61114,187,9,3,"No, that's an excuse. You have been avoiding Barney and Robin since the carousel."
61115,187,9,3,"And now on Monday, you're running away to Chicago."
61116,187,9,3,I'm not running away.
61117,187,9,3,I'm moving on.
61118,187,9,3,This list isn't written by someone who's ready to move on.
61119,187,9,3,It's written by someone who loves New York.
61120,187,9,3,"I mean, ""Fix graffiti on 96th and Amsterdam""?"
61121,187,9,3,I hated looking at it.
61122,187,9,3,"(clicks tongue, sighs)"
61123,187,9,3,(paint spraying)
61124,187,9,3,"""Buy the whole bar a round of drinks."""
61125,187,9,3,Mm-hmm.
61126,187,9,3,"Hey, everyone."
61127,187,9,3,Next round's on me!
61128,187,9,3,(cheering)
61129,187,9,3,Yeah!
61130,187,9,3,"(patrons chanting ""Ted!"")"
61131,187,9,3,Ted?
61132,187,9,3,"Hey, everyone."
61133,187,9,3,Next round's on me!
61134,187,9,3,Can I have a double bourbon...
61135,187,9,3,No doubles!
61136,187,9,3,"""Say good-bye to the Empire State Building."""
61137,187,9,3,Bro.
61138,187,9,3,What?
61139,187,9,3,Sometimes I go... talk to her about life.
61140,187,9,3,"TED: And I just hate the thought of leaving you, Empy, but my gut tells me my future's in Chicago."
61141,187,9,3,What do you think?
61142,187,9,3,(deep male voice): You need to move.
61143,187,9,3,"Oh, my God, r-really?"
61144,187,9,3,Are-are you sure?
61145,187,9,3,"Yeah, I'm sure."
61146,187,9,3,You can't just stand there talking to a building and petting it.
61147,187,9,3,"Wait, are you one of those freaks who's sexually attracted to buildings?"
61148,187,9,3,An objectophiliac?
61149,187,9,3,No way.
61150,187,9,3,Then why do you know what they're called?
61151,187,9,3,Why do you know what they're called?
61152,187,9,3,(moaning)
61153,187,9,3,"Wait. Wait, wait. You know what would really prove we're not some old married couple? Mmm."
61154,187,9,3,Doing it somewhere we're not supposed to.
61155,187,9,3,(gasps)
61156,187,9,3,"No, not what I mean."
61157,187,9,3,Oh. Like the elevator or the pool cabana.
61158,187,9,3,"Uh, how about the roof? Oh..."
61159,187,9,3,(both chuckling)
61160,187,9,3,MAN: Who gets married this far away?
61161,187,9,3,WOMAN: And the humidity.
61162,187,9,3,BOTH (quietly): They're here.
61163,187,9,3,What do you say we make this bang a home game?
61164,187,9,3,Yes.
61165,187,9,3,We're locked out.
61166,187,9,3,I guess we could try the back door.
61167,187,9,3,(gasps)
61168,187,9,3,Of our suite.
61169,187,9,3,Oh. There's a back door.
61170,187,9,3,"No, I locked it."
61171,187,9,3,(sighs)
61172,187,9,3,"Okay, it's fine."
61173,187,9,3,We'll race down to the front desk and get a key before anyone notices us.
61174,187,9,3,(sighs)
61175,187,9,3,Too late. It's like we're in a zombie movie.
61176,187,9,3,Seriously.
61177,187,9,3,"They move at a slow shuffle, they moan a lot and, if given the chance, they chew your ear off."
61178,187,9,3,But they're family and I love 'em.
61179,187,9,3,Their wisdom is priceless.
61180,187,9,3,(chuckles)
61181,187,9,3,"""Finally tell my upstairs neighbor how I've been feeling all this time."""
61182,187,9,3,(sighing): Yeah.
61183,187,9,3,"Hi. Um, I live downstairs, and, well, I've always wanted to say this to you, but..."
61184,187,9,3,I've never had the guts.
61185,187,9,3,So here goes.
61186,187,9,3,Are your shoes made of lead?!
61187,187,9,3,Because you are the loudest upstairs neighbor in history!
61188,187,9,3,"Oh, oh, and you suck at the bongos! But, hey..."
61189,187,9,3,(chuckles)
61190,187,9,3,keep practicing!
61191,187,9,3,In the middle of the night!
61192,187,9,3,Before any important interview I've ever had!
61193,187,9,3,"""Come clean about April 26."""
61194,187,9,3,What happened April 26?
61195,187,9,3,Uh...
61196,187,9,3,(chuckles)
61197,187,9,3,Can you believe people used to actually swim in those things?
61198,187,9,3,"(old-timey): ""Meet me at Coney Island, see?"
61199,187,9,3,"""I'll be doing the Charleston atop my giant-wheeled bicycle in an era where folks inexplicably talked like this."""
61200,187,9,3,(chuckles)
61201,187,9,3,Ted.
61202,187,9,3,Whoa.
61203,187,9,3,(chuckles) Hey.
61204,187,9,3,"Hey, bud, I was just about to take, uh, Lily's rehearsal dinner dress to the dry cleaner."
61205,187,9,3,"Oh, that's too bad."
61206,187,9,3,"Because, uh, I was just watching"
61207,187,9,3,The Princess Bride when something occurred to me.
61208,187,9,3,"How, at the end, Andre the Giant hooks 'em up with those horses and then Inigo Montoya is like, ""Fezzik, you did something right."" And it's like, ""Bro, Andre's been doing stuff right the whole movie: ""knocking out serpents, busting down castle doors, ""basically carrying your revenge-and-sangria-soaked ass, ""so instead of being a patronizing jerk, ""how about a simple, 'Hey, thanks for the horses, bro.'"""
61209,187,9,3,"That's totally what you were thinking, right?"
61210,187,9,3,"No, I... No, I came over..."
61211,187,9,3,"God, that's a really good point."
61212,187,9,3,Yeah.
61213,187,9,3,But here's my point.
61214,187,9,3,And your point.
61215,187,9,3,(chuckles) Why haven't we done this in forever?
61216,187,9,3,"Ted, you know damn well why we haven't."
61217,187,9,3,(both grunting)
61218,187,9,3,(shouts)
61219,187,9,3,(Ted and Lily scream)
61220,187,9,3,"Sorry, Lily. Sorry, Lily."
61221,187,9,3,"I almost killed my wife, Ted!"
61222,187,9,3,I almost killed my wife!
61223,187,9,3,I almost...
61224,187,9,3,(both grunting)
61225,187,9,3,Yah!
61226,187,9,3,"""Hello!"
61227,187,9,3,"My name is Inigo Montoya!"""
61228,187,9,3,"""You killed my father."""
61229,187,9,3,"""Prepare to die!"""
61230,187,9,3,"""Prepare to die!"""
61231,187,9,3,(both grunting)
61232,187,9,3,TED: Whoa.
61233,187,9,3,You son of a bitch.
61234,187,9,3,I loved that dress you cut in half.
61235,187,9,3,It was the perfect combination of slutty and classy.
61236,187,9,3,"Well, what about your backup dress?"
61237,187,9,3,"Oh, it's just classy, Ted!"
61238,187,9,3,(slurps)
61239,187,9,3,"Thank you, Linus."
61240,187,9,3,"Look, I'm really sorry."
61241,187,9,3,"No, it's not good enough."
61242,187,9,3,"Since I'm being forced to wear something I don't want to, you should have to wear something you don't want to."
61243,187,9,3,Why am I the only one being punished?
61244,187,9,3,Marshall's just as responsible for your dress as I am.
61245,187,9,3,"Yeah, but he's in the middle of Wisconsin."
61246,187,9,3,How am I gonna punish...
61247,187,9,3,DAPHNE: Say cheese!
61248,187,9,3,"Go, Pack, go!"
61249,187,9,3,"(quietly): I'm sorry, Dad."
61250,187,9,3,There's got to be someplace to bang around here.
61251,187,9,3,I'm starving.
61252,187,9,3,I knew we should've hit the buffet when...
61253,187,9,3,(grunts)
61254,187,9,3,"Don't say ""buffet""."
61255,187,9,3,"That attracts old people. Same goes for ""coupon,"""
61256,187,9,3,"""60 Minutes"" and ""Mandy Patinkin."""
61257,187,9,3,"W... Robin, you're being paranoid."
61258,187,9,3,"Old people don't magically sense it when you say ""Mandy Patinkin."""
61259,187,9,3,(echoing whisper): Patinkin...
61260,187,9,3,"Quick, the ice machine room."
61261,187,9,3,It's too cold for them in there. Oh.
61262,187,9,3,"I'll protect you, Robin."
61263,187,9,3,You'll always be safe with me.
61264,187,9,3,(screams)
61265,187,9,3,Take her!
61266,187,9,3,You bitches best get out of my hiding spot.
61267,187,9,3,"The only thing not checked off on this list i,[/i] sscotch with Barney."" That's the easiest one on here."
61268,187,9,3,You are avoiding him.
61269,187,9,3,I'm not. We've both been busy.
61270,187,9,3,"Besides, Marshall and I are saving that scotch to have a drink with Barney before the rehearsal dinner."
61271,187,9,3,Because it's not just any bottle.
61272,187,9,3,It's a $600
61273,187,9,3,Glen McKenna 30-year.
61274,187,9,3,
61275,187,9,3,NARRATOR: What I didn't know at the time was...
61276,187,9,3,I told those idiots these death rods are not welcome here.
61277,187,9,3,What is it with dudes and swords?
61278,187,9,3,"Oh, this is fun."
61279,187,9,3,"Oh, yeah, and it's so cool when I go like this."
61280,187,9,3,Hi. My name is Rodrigo DeGoya.
61281,187,9,3,You killed someone I love!
61282,187,9,3,Prepare to dance!
61283,187,9,3,"NARRATOR: Yes, kids, that's what your Aunt Lily thought the line was."
61284,187,9,3,(growls)
61285,187,9,3,Ha! Whoo!
61286,187,9,3,(both grunting)
61287,187,9,3,Ha!
61288,187,9,3,(both gasp)
61289,187,9,3,We'll switch it with this cheap bottle of whiskey.
61290,187,9,3,You peel the label off the Glen McKenna.
61291,187,9,3,On it!
61292,187,9,3,Then we'll pour the... Robin!
61293,187,9,3,"Damn, that's smooth."
61294,187,9,3,Pour it into the other bottle!
61295,187,9,3,Wait. The color's not dark enough.
61296,187,9,3,Still not right.
61297,187,9,3,I think it was a little redder. Mm-hmm.
61298,187,9,3,"Okay, now the consistency's off."
61299,187,9,3,(sighs)
61300,187,9,3,Yeah.
61301,187,9,3,Looks good.
61302,187,9,3,"I mean, look at the color."
61303,187,9,3,It's almost chocolaty in its richness.
61304,187,9,3,The reddish hue.
61305,187,9,3,Something that looks sort of clumpy.
61306,187,9,3,"Oh, yeah, I-I read about that."
61307,187,9,3,Isn't the Highland region known for its clumps?
61308,187,9,3,"Thanks, Lily."
61309,187,9,3,I'm very aware of the Highland Clumps.
61310,187,9,3,You know what? I think I'm gonna sneak a taste.
61311,187,9,3,What? But-but Marshall's not even here yet!
61312,187,9,3,"Ah, a quick nip won't hurt."
61313,187,9,3,Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
61314,187,9,3,(sniffs)
61315,187,9,3,She's breathtaking.
61316,187,9,3,"You avoiding the family, too?"
61317,187,9,3,"I'm gay, I'm black, and I'm getting a divorce."
61318,187,9,3,Those walking skeletons are gonna have more questions for me than their pharmacist.
61319,187,9,3,(chuckles)
61320,187,9,3,But they're family and I love 'em.
61321,187,9,3,The greatest generation.
61322,187,9,3,Smother me before I'm that age. (laughs)
61323,187,9,3,What are you two doing?
61324,187,9,3,"Oh, we're trying to do it someplace naughty."
61325,187,9,3,(gasps)
61326,187,9,3,Not what I mean!
61327,187,9,3,That-that is never what I mean!
61328,187,9,3,(sighs)
61329,187,9,3,We're trying to sneak in one last bang 'cause we're afraid that the magic might fade after we get married.
61330,187,9,3,Are we being crazy?
61331,187,9,3,That is what happened with me and Tom.
61332,187,9,3,But it doesn't mean it's gonna happen to you.
61333,187,9,3,I won't let it.
61334,187,9,3,"Whoa-whoa, you can't go out there."
61335,187,9,3,It's suicide.
61336,187,9,3,Consider it your early wedding gift.
61337,187,9,3,Why does the brother always die first?
61338,187,9,3,Aunt Muriel!
61339,187,9,3,Aunt Muriel!
61340,187,9,3,Aunt Muriel?
61341,187,9,3,James!
61342,187,9,3,Where's Tom?
61343,187,9,3,I have a gay question for you.
61344,187,9,3,How do you decide which one...?
61345,187,9,3,"No, no..."
61346,187,9,3,"No! He's gone, Barney. He's gone."
61347,187,9,3,James!
61348,187,9,3,"Okay, you go check out the second floor for open rooms."
61349,187,9,3,I'm gonna go check out the gym.
61350,187,9,3,"No, no, no, that gym has a sauna!"
61351,187,9,3,You know my Papa Sid can't go ten minutes without a schvitz!
61352,187,9,3,What about the gazebo out back?
61353,187,9,3,Next to the lawn bowling court?
61354,187,9,3,Get your head out of your ass.
61355,187,9,3,It looks like they're casting
61356,187,9,3,Cocoon Three out there.
61357,187,9,3,"Oh, what about the business center?"
61358,187,9,3,A room full of computers? That's perfect.
61359,187,9,3,Technology is their compression-sock-covered Achilles Heel!
61360,187,9,3,Whoa. What?
61361,187,9,3,"Stay safe, R-Train. You too, B-Nasty."
61362,187,9,3,Mmm... Mmm...
61363,187,9,3,Ah!
61364,187,9,3,"Ooh, my, I found Waldo."
61365,187,9,3,(laughs)
61366,187,9,3,What's this list?
61367,187,9,3,Whose is this?
61368,187,9,3,NARRATOR: I was faced with a tough call: come clean about Chicago or cleverly lie my way out of it.
61369,187,9,3,"Oh, well, you see... mouth words... memory times..."
61370,187,9,3,It's mine. It's my list.
61371,187,9,3,It's everything I want to do before I go to Italy.
61372,187,9,3,Oh. You want to say good-bye to the Empire State Building?
61373,187,9,3,Sometimes I go and I talk to Empy.
61374,187,9,3,That's kind of weird.
61375,187,9,3,"Is ""weird"" the right word?"
61376,187,9,3,Seems pretty reasonable to me.
61377,187,9,3,Maybe even kind of cool.
61378,187,9,3,"""Have a drink with my favorite students."""
61379,187,9,3,"Lily, you taught kindergarten."
61380,187,9,3,That does seem pretty irresponsible.
61381,187,9,3,"""Come clean about April 26."""
61382,187,9,3,You told Ted about our sword fight?
61383,187,9,3,Wait-- you-you guys had a sword fight?
61384,187,9,3,Maybe a tiny one.
61385,187,9,3,I was pretending to be Mandy Patinkin.
61386,187,9,3,(echoing whisper): Patinkin.
61387,187,9,3,But it was no big deal.
61388,187,9,3,No big deal?
61389,187,9,3,"We destroyed their 30-year Glen McKenna and replaced it with cheap booze, ketchup and hand sanny."
61390,187,9,3,I knew it!
61391,187,9,3,You knew nothing!
61392,187,9,3,(phone rings)
61393,187,9,3,Hello.
61394,187,9,3,"The third floor's a ghost town, tons of empty rooms to bang in."
61395,187,9,3,Hurry. I've started without you.
61396,187,9,3,"I mean, I love you."
61397,187,9,3,Got to go.
61398,187,9,3,Bye.
61399,187,9,3,(sighs)
61400,187,9,3,We made it.
61401,187,9,3,(both laugh)
61402,187,9,3,(both moaning)
61403,187,9,3,"MURIEL: Remind me to put a five-dollar bill in Barney's wedding card, you know, to get 'em started."
61404,187,9,3,(giggles)
61405,187,9,3,(chuckles)
61406,187,9,3,"MAN: No, Elizabeth."
61407,187,9,3,Leave the dentures in.
61408,187,9,3,WOMAN: Mmm!
61409,187,9,3,BOTH: I never want to have s*x again.
61410,187,9,3,Aw.
61411,187,9,3,(groans)
61412,187,9,3,They broke our $600 bottle of scotch?
61413,187,9,3,"Well, I'm not wearing this abomination anymore."
61414,187,9,3,Put it back on.
61415,187,9,3,I can't believe my great-grandparents still do that.
61416,187,9,3,I never imagined a walker being used for anything other than walking.
61417,187,9,3,"Plus, how about those balls dragging all over the ground?"
61418,187,9,3,Barney.
61419,187,9,3,"No, the tennis balls on the bottom of the walker."
61420,187,9,3,Oh.
61421,187,9,3,"Plus, his testicles were swinging like a broken yo-yo."
61422,187,9,3,"Still, when you think about it: married for 60 years and they still want to jump each other's bones."
61423,187,9,3,I mean... it's kind of sweet.
61424,187,9,3,"In 60 years, that'll be us, right?"
61425,187,9,3,"Yeah, it will."
61426,187,9,3,(both chuckle)
61427,187,9,3,"So, what do you think, hmm?"
61428,187,9,3,On the count of three?
61429,187,9,3,"Hmm, okay."
61430,187,9,3,Okay.
61431,187,9,3,"BOTH: One, two, three."
61432,187,9,3,Mandy Patinkin.
61433,187,9,3,"Oh, wow. Look at you."
61434,187,9,3,Thank you for making it...
61435,187,9,3,We got lucky.
61436,187,9,3,The Farhampton Liquor Store is actually pretty high-end.
61437,187,9,3,Oh.
61438,187,9,3,And their security is a total joke.
61439,187,9,3,Thanks.
61440,187,9,3,And thanks for not telling Robin the list was mine.
61441,187,9,3,But I don't get it.
61442,187,9,3,You're so against me moving.
61443,187,9,3,Why'd you help me out?
61444,187,9,3,(sighs)
61445,187,9,3,"For a guy who loves New York this much, to leave it, you must really need to go, huh?"
61446,187,9,3,"Yeah, I really do."
61447,187,9,3,"Okay, but there's still one item left on this list."
61448,187,9,3,Time to check it off.
61449,187,9,3,"Yeah, I should probably wait for Marshall."
61450,187,9,3,"Well, we both know he may not get here in time."
61451,187,9,3,Be honest.
61452,187,9,3,Have you been avoiding Barney?
61453,187,9,3,Maybe a little.
61454,187,9,3,"This is the biggest weekend of his life, and you're his best bro."
61455,187,9,3,"No matter how awkward you feel, i-if you're not there for him, you will always regret it."
61456,187,9,3,Okay.
61457,187,9,3,"Hey, Ted. Yeah."
61458,187,9,3,"You wrote down all these things to say good-bye to, but so many of them are good things."
61459,187,9,3,Why not just... say good-bye to the bad things?
61460,187,9,3,Say good-bye to all the times you felt lost.
61461,187,9,3,To all the times it was a no instead of a yes.
61462,187,9,3,"To all the scrapes and bruises, to all the heartache."
61463,187,9,3,"Say good-bye to everything you really want to do for the last time, but don't go have one last scotch with Barney."
61464,187,9,3,"Have the first scotch toasting Barney's new life because that's a good thing, and the good things will always be here waiting for you."
61465,187,9,3,What?
61466,187,9,3,Turn the page.
61467,187,9,3,"""Get one last life lecture from Lily."""
61468,187,9,3,"Well, you're dreaming if you think that's the last one of those."
61469,187,9,3,(sighs)
61470,187,9,3,Ah.
61471,187,9,3,"Been waiting for the perfect time for this, and, my friend, that time is..."
61472,188,9,4,"NARRATOR: Kids, it was two days before Barney and Robin's wedding, and everything was going off without a hitch."
61473,188,9,4,TED: Ah.
61474,188,9,4,"Been waiting for the perfect time for this, and, my friend, that time is..."
61475,188,9,4,I saw you and Robin at the carousel.
61476,188,9,4,"(bottle shatters) Okay, there was one slight hitch."
61477,188,9,4,"BARNEY: She called me to help her, and there you were in the rain holding hands with my fiancée."
61478,188,9,4,What up?
61479,188,9,4,Nothing up.
61480,188,9,4,Everything down.
61481,188,9,4,All parts of me down.
61482,188,9,4,"Look, you were busy, so I-I..."
61483,188,9,4,I went to the park to help her look for this locket she buried years ago.
61484,188,9,4,"She couldn't find it, she got upset, I held her hand. End of story."
61485,188,9,4,Cool! I just wanted to air that out.
61486,188,9,4,"You know, bro to bro."
61487,188,9,4,You're my best friend and my best man.
61488,188,9,4,Of course I trust you.
61489,188,9,4,"Oh, come on."
61490,188,9,4,You don't have to cry about it.
61491,188,9,4,(sobs)
61492,188,9,4,It's not that.
61493,188,9,4,That was a $600 bottle of scotch.
61494,188,9,4,"(crying): Oh, my God."
61495,188,9,4,(both blubbering)
61496,188,9,4,I hope Marshall gets here for the rehearsal dinner.
61497,188,9,4,"Thank you, Linus."
61498,188,9,4,He's somewhere in Wisconsin in a rental car.
61499,188,9,4,"Hertz? I mean, it hurts a little but I'm not gonna cry about it. Hey!"
61500,188,9,4,We've been doing that all afternoon.
61501,188,9,4,"ROBIN: Oh, who's that for?"
61502,188,9,4,Marshpillow.
61503,188,9,4,"NARRATOR: Kids, as you may recall, whenever Marshall left town for a few days, Lily would compensate with a body pillow she dressed up and named Marshpillow."
61504,188,9,4,Pretty normal stuff.
61505,188,9,4,"But with Marshall stuck driving across the country, Lily decided to upgrade."
61506,188,9,4,Meet Marshpillow 2.0!
61507,188,9,4,Hey!
61508,188,9,4,Am I on?
61509,188,9,4,"Hey, guys!"
61510,188,9,4,"Hey, Marsh. Hey, Marshall. Hey."
61511,188,9,4,It's like you're really here.
61512,188,9,4,"MARSHALL: Hey, Ted."
61513,188,9,4,Can you give me a gander of the environs?
61514,188,9,4,Wow!
61515,188,9,4,This place looks beautif...
61516,188,9,4,Wait for it.
61517,188,9,4,He's frozen.
61518,188,9,4,(Lily groans)
61519,188,9,4,Same thing happened last night at the worst possible time.
61520,188,9,4,I had just gotten on all fours and taken off my panti...
61521,188,9,4,Now Lily's frozen.
61522,188,9,4,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x04 ♪
61523,188,9,4,The Broken Code
61524,188,9,4,"Original Air Date on October 7, 2013"
61525,188,9,4,...ful.
61526,188,9,4,This place is beautiful!
61527,188,9,4,"Wow. Lily, it looks like you really put some time into this, huh?"
61528,188,9,4,(chuckles)
61529,188,9,4,"Though I wonder if instead of dressing up your giant husband doll like Malibu Ken, you could've spent a minute or two--"
61530,188,9,4,I don't know... planning the weak ass bachelorette party you threw me?
61531,188,9,4,I-It's possible I forgot to send out the Evite.
61532,188,9,4,Robin!
61533,188,9,4,Happy bachelorette party!
61534,188,9,4,(chuckles)
61535,188,9,4,You invited Patrice to my bachelorette party?!
61536,188,9,4,No.
61537,188,9,4,"You know, it's funny."
61538,188,9,4,"When I was planning Barney's bachelor party, I managed to wrangle his boyhood hero, Billy Zabka, from The Karate Kid."
61539,188,9,4,But you scored Patrice.
61540,188,9,4,"I'm sorry, Robin."
61541,188,9,4,I-I've just been so consumed with our move to Rome.
61542,188,9,4,I guess I forgot to invite the girls.
61543,188,9,4,"Yeah, Lily, I'd like to show you how it's done."
61544,188,9,4,"Billy Zabka, what a great guy."
61545,188,9,4,Look at how thorough Ted was planning the best man poker game he's throwing for Barney.
61546,188,9,4,"Wait, I think I'm on some sort of delay here."
61547,188,9,4,(clears throat) Best man visor for the dealer.
61548,188,9,4,Customized playing cards.
61549,188,9,4,Barney's the king.
61550,188,9,4,And... the queens are naked.
61551,188,9,4,It was my first decree.
61552,188,9,4,"Hmm. Plus, Ted handwrote all of the table cards for the reception in calligraphy."
61553,188,9,4,The man's a wizard with a pen.
61554,188,9,4,Oh. I don't know about all that.
61555,188,9,4,Though I was approached by the decorating committee to make the... signs for our senior prom.
61556,188,9,4,I'm told they were quite the hit.
61557,188,9,4,(sucks air through teeth)
61558,188,9,4,"Hey, buddy, listen, you're gonna kill me, but I forgot to bring the table cards."
61559,188,9,4,"Uh, I'd hate to ask you to redo them..."
61560,188,9,4,Say no more. The best man is on it.
61561,188,9,4,"Thanks, Ted."
61562,188,9,4,(scoffs)
61563,188,9,4,S-So now the best man is painstakingly handwriting
61564,188,9,4,"200 table cards, but my maid of honor forgot to click ""send"" on an Evite."
61565,188,9,4,I didn't forget to invite the girls to your bachelorette party.
61566,188,9,4,You have no girls!
61567,188,9,4,(high-pitched): What?
61568,188,9,4,(chuckles)
61569,188,9,4,What?
61570,188,9,4,What?
61571,188,9,4,What? I... All my girls.
61572,188,9,4,I gave you a list.
61573,188,9,4,This list?
61574,188,9,4,Yeah.
61575,188,9,4,"""Tall girl from work, ""mouth-breather from coffee shop, ""average-sized girl from that place""?"
61576,188,9,4,Ooh. Sorry I didn't track her down.
61577,188,9,4,She sounds great!
61578,188,9,4,She's actually kind of a bitch.
61579,188,9,4,"Face it, Robin."
61580,188,9,4,"You hate women, and... women hate you."
61581,188,9,4,Ted didn't go to his prom?
61582,188,9,4,Classic.
61583,188,9,4,"While Lily was dropping the ball as Robin's maid of honor, the best man was busy knocking it out of the park."
61584,188,9,4,(sucks air through teeth)
61585,188,9,4,"Hey, buddy, listen, my great-aunt Ida has corns on her feet and needs a first-floor room."
61586,188,9,4,"Uh, would you mind switching rooms?"
61587,188,9,4,Say no more. The best man is on it.
61588,188,9,4,"Thanks, Ted."
61589,188,9,4,(shouts)
61590,188,9,4,(whoops) (sucks air through teeth)
61591,188,9,4,"Hey, buddy, listen, the wedding doves got here early, and I don't know where to put 'em..."
61592,188,9,4,Say no more. The best man is on it!
61593,188,9,4,"Thanks, Ted."
61594,188,9,4,(cooing)
61595,188,9,4,Poor guys.
61596,188,9,4,All cooped up.
61597,188,9,4,"I guess there's no harm in letting you out for a bit, huh?"
61598,188,9,4,They carpet-bombed my entire room.
61599,188,9,4,Wish I'd closed my suitcase.
61600,188,9,4,And my mouth.
61601,188,9,4,(sucks air through teeth)
61602,188,9,4,"Hey, buddy, listen, I see you wrote ""N-O-period"" instead of the number sign."
61603,188,9,4,I'm worried that might confuse the guests...
61604,188,9,4,Say no more.
61605,188,9,4,The best man is on it.
61606,188,9,4,"Thanks, Ted."
61607,188,9,4,(knocking)
61608,188,9,4,Here they are.
61609,188,9,4,Freshly penned table cards in a pretty decent chancery considering I only had my travel quills.
61610,188,9,4,Wait. Why's the poker game started?
61611,188,9,4,"Oh, um, the best man moved the time."
61612,188,9,4,"Mm, no, he didn't."
61613,188,9,4,"Yes, he did."
61614,188,9,4,"Heya, Ted."
61615,188,9,4,"Thanks for the sweet lid, bro."
61616,188,9,4,(quietly): Billy Zabka's your new best man?
61617,188,9,4,He's the best... around.
61618,188,9,4,"Sorry, Ted. Maybe next wedding."
61619,188,9,4,What...
61620,188,9,4,So you're playing the best man poker game without me?
61621,188,9,4,Tim Gunn's here and I'm not?
61622,188,9,4,"I'm Barney's personal tailor, of course I'm here."
61623,188,9,4,"Plus, I've never played poker before."
61624,188,9,4,It looks like a hoot.
61625,188,9,4,I moved into a dungeon.
61626,188,9,4,I wrote hundreds of cards.
61627,188,9,4,I even gave your batty great-aunt Ida a foot massage so vigorous it put her to sleep right there in the lobby.
61628,188,9,4,"Yeah, I don't really have a great-aunt Ida."
61629,188,9,4,So you are mad about me and Robin holding hands.
61630,188,9,4,"Of course I'm mad, Ted."
61631,188,9,4,"Holding hands is, like, the fourth-grade equivalent of banging."
61632,188,9,4,"Well, in your case, 12th grade."
61633,188,9,4,Self-five.
61634,188,9,4,You broke the Bro Code.
61635,188,9,4,"No, I did not. I only went to help Robin as a friend because you didn't show up."
61636,188,9,4,I did not break the Bro Code.
61637,188,9,4,It's in the text.
61638,188,9,4,"A bro shall not have a weird moment with another bro's fiancée. Well, too bad we're in Farhampton and can't actually check."
61639,188,9,4,I am pleased to announce that the Bro Code has replaced the Gideons Bible at select hotels throughout the country.
61640,188,9,4,Oh.
61641,188,9,4,I'm sorry I said you hate women.
61642,188,9,4,"Yeah, don't be."
61643,188,9,4,"For whatever reason, I just..."
61644,188,9,4,(sighs) I can't seem to connect with them. Down!
61645,188,9,4,Can you help me? I've got a bunch more wedding gifts in the van.
61646,188,9,4,Yay! I love Robin so much!
61647,188,9,4,"(quietly): Oh, God, I'm gonna strangle that bitch."
61648,188,9,4,"Robin, what is it with you and women?"
61649,188,9,4,(groans)
61650,188,9,4,They're so annoying.
61651,188,9,4,I'm glad that you're my only female friend.
61652,188,9,4,Girls are always whining and crying over every little thing.
61653,188,9,4,(groans)
61654,188,9,4,(crying)
61655,188,9,4,Yes. That's exactly...
61656,188,9,4,"Thank you. ""Oh, oh, boo-hoo."
61657,188,9,4,"""Look at me. I'm a sensitive little girl..."" Oh. God, I'm sorry."
61658,188,9,4,You're actually crying.
61659,188,9,4,(groans)
61660,188,9,4,It's just so sad.
61661,188,9,4,(sobs)
61662,188,9,4,"I can't be your only girlfriend. Well, I..."
61663,188,9,4,I don't need anybody else. I got... I got you.
61664,188,9,4,For another six days and then I'm off to Rome for a year.
61665,188,9,4,(gasps) What are you gonna do without our Saturday morning brunch with a side of sassy gossip?
61666,188,9,4,A one-shot power play?!
61667,188,9,4,"Hey! Hey, Boston!"
61668,188,9,4,Why not drop your hockey pants and actually take a dump on the ice next time?!
61669,188,9,4,(cackles)
61670,188,9,4,I love it!
61671,188,9,4,(groans)
61672,188,9,4,See? It is just too horrible to even think about.
61673,188,9,4,Yeah. You... need another female friend.
61674,188,9,4,(sighs)
61675,188,9,4,"Whenever I try to talk to women, they look like they want to punch me."
61676,188,9,4,"Well, maybe you're accidentally giving off the wrong vibe."
61677,188,9,4,"Like, what do you say to other women at the gym?"
61678,188,9,4,"Oh, well, I haven't been to the gym in forever."
61679,188,9,4,My metabolism is all messed up.
61680,188,9,4,"See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple for a midnight snack and wake up having lost weight."
61681,188,9,4,(groans)
61682,188,9,4,"Well, everywhere except for my boobs."
61683,188,9,4,So annoying.
61684,188,9,4,You're gonna need a lot of work.
61685,188,9,4,It's in here. Somewhere.
61686,188,9,4,I... It has to be.
61687,188,9,4,"Damn it, I know I should've done these in alphabrotical order."
61688,188,9,4,(groans)
61689,188,9,4,Who cares about the Bro Code?
61690,188,9,4,It's just some stupid book you made up.
61691,188,9,4,(gasps)
61692,188,9,4,How dare you?
61693,188,9,4,The Bro Code has been around for centuries.
61694,188,9,4,Nay... whatever's more than centuries.
61695,188,9,4,Please don't launch into a fake history lesson.
61696,188,9,4,The Bro Code can trace its lineage all the way back to Broses himself.
61697,188,9,4,Article one: bros before ho's.
61698,188,9,4,TED: Okay.
61699,188,9,4,"I see what you're doing. You can't prove that I broke the Bro Code, so you're just making up stories about..."
61700,188,9,4,This sacred text was eventually brought to the New World in 1776 by none other than Christopher Brolumbus.
61701,188,9,4,Article 62: a bro who calls dibs first has dibs.
61702,188,9,4,Oh? Dibs!
61703,188,9,4,And that's why he got to bang Pocahontas.
61704,188,9,4,Pocahontas was with John Smith.
61705,188,9,4,Maybe according to the hotel register.
61706,188,9,4,"Whatever Mrs. Brolumbus didn't know couldn't hurt her, am I right?"
61707,188,9,4,"Well, except maybe that New World syphilis."
61708,188,9,4,But I digress.
61709,188,9,4,"Barney, if you believe in the Bro Code, how come you've broken it so many times?"
61710,188,9,4,(gasps loudly)
61711,188,9,4,How dare you!
61712,188,9,4,I have never broken the Bro Code!
61713,188,9,4,Hmm? Hmm? Ah.
61714,188,9,4,"""Article 104: the mom of a bro is always off limits."""
61715,188,9,4,"Okay, look, we've all had a lot of fun joking about me banging your mom."
61716,188,9,4,Not all of us. Continue.
61717,188,9,4,But I swear nothing ever happened between the two of us.
61718,188,9,4,Trust me.
61719,188,9,4,And what's going on with your fingers?
61720,188,9,4,(whispering): That's how our bodies were intertwined.
61721,188,9,4,"All right, this is ridiculous!"
61722,188,9,4,It's ridiculous that you won't admit holding Robin's hand was weird.
61723,188,9,4,It wasn't weird!
61724,188,9,4,"Yes, it was."
61725,188,9,4,You know what?
61726,188,9,4,We need a third impartial bro to settle this.
61727,188,9,4,"To resolve this, I really need to parse the text of the Bro Code."
61728,188,9,4,It's too bad Marshall doesn't have a copy.
61729,188,9,4,"Actually, I do."
61730,188,9,4,"They were in the, uh, seat back pockets on my flight in place of the safety cards."
61731,188,9,4,I'm also pleased to announce
61732,188,9,4,The Bro Code is now available in select airlines across the country.
61733,188,9,4,And Lufthansa.
61734,188,9,4,"Der Bro Code is, like, huge in Germany."
61735,188,9,4,"Okay, so prove to me you can make a female friend."
61736,188,9,4,What about her?
61737,188,9,4,Ugh! The girl with the bangs?
61738,188,9,4,Any chick who does that to her hair is going through a big life transition I don't want to hear about.
61739,188,9,4,"Next time, grow your bangs long enough to cover your mouth."
61740,188,9,4,Ha-pass.
61741,188,9,4,"Okay, well... what about her?"
61742,188,9,4,Ugh! Comfortable shoes?
61743,188,9,4,(laughing)
61744,188,9,4,"What, are you filibustering later?"
61745,188,9,4,It's after 5:00. Put on some heels.
61746,188,9,4,Ha-pass.
61747,188,9,4,"Okay, well, what about...? Ugh!"
61748,188,9,4,I haven't even pointed to anyone yet!
61749,188,9,4,"MARSHALL: Now, although not expressly stated in the Bro Code, a weird moment between a bro and his bro's fiancée is, in my bropinion... a violation."
61750,188,9,4,"No! Yes! However, Ted was helping Robin as a friend."
61751,188,9,4,"Therefore, holding her hand isn't necessarily a weird moment."
61752,188,9,4,No! Yes!
61753,188,9,4,That being said...
61754,188,9,4,What?
61755,188,9,4,(mutters)
61756,188,9,4,"...if we decide that holding any friend's hand is weird, then, yes, Ted did break the Bro Code."
61757,188,9,4,"So, the question is this."
61758,188,9,4,"If Ted had gone to the park and held Barney's hand, would it have been weird?"
61759,188,9,4,No? Yes?
61760,188,9,4,See?
61761,188,9,4,(scoffs)
61762,188,9,4,It's not weird at all.
61763,188,9,4,I don't know what to say.
61764,188,9,4,Just be yourself.
61765,188,9,4,Say something nice.
61766,188,9,4,Which one? I can't do both.
61767,188,9,4,Slut alert.
61768,188,9,4,That's my 14-year-old daughter.
61769,188,9,4,Crappy mom alert.
61770,188,9,4,Ugh!
61771,188,9,4,It's you. Nice bangs.
61772,188,9,4,What is wrong with you?!
61773,188,9,4,"I can't do this, okay?"
61774,188,9,4,I was raised as a boy.
61775,188,9,4,I don't get along with women.
61776,188,9,4,Can we just drop it?
61777,188,9,4,"Okay, I never thought I'd take a page out of your fiancé's playbook, but... it's time to target the crying chick."
61778,188,9,4,Not weird at all.
61779,188,9,4,"BARNEY: Marshall, why are we doing this?!"
61780,188,9,4,Two dudes on a beach with a lifeless blob they're pretending is alive?
61781,188,9,4,It's stupid.
61782,188,9,4,"So, I guess that means"
61783,188,9,4,"Weekend at Bernie's is stupid, too."
61784,188,9,4,(gasps)
61785,188,9,4,E-Lawyered.
61786,188,9,4,"Now, before I can render a decision, we need to recreate the variables at the carousel as closely as possible."
61787,188,9,4,"Since Ted says that he was comforting Robin, he needs to do the same for Barney, so, Ted, comfort Barney."
61788,188,9,4,I don't see how that...
61789,188,9,4,Comfort... Barney.
61790,188,9,4,(sputters)
61791,188,9,4,"Barney, what is going on with you?"
61792,188,9,4,Why are you so upset with me?
61793,188,9,4,"Marshall, this is stupid! I don't..."
61794,188,9,4,Accept the comfort.
61795,188,9,4,Fine!
61796,188,9,4,(sighs)
61797,188,9,4,I guess... I'm not really mad at you.
61798,188,9,4,"I'm mad at myself. I should have met Robin at the carousel when she called, but I was having such a good time greasing 12-year-olds."
61799,188,9,4,Laser tag.
61800,188,9,4,Helpful. Continue.
61801,188,9,4,"Look, Ted, I'm sorry that I've been taking it out on you."
61802,188,9,4,You were just being a good friend to Robin.
61803,188,9,4,It's okay.
61804,188,9,4,"It would be different if you still had feelings for her, but you don't, right?"
61805,188,9,4,Right?
61806,188,9,4,(thunder booming)
61807,188,9,4,"Okay, now it's weird."
61808,188,9,4,You still have feelings for Robin?!
61809,188,9,4,What?! What?! What?! What?!
61810,188,9,4,"Okay, yes, sometimes I do."
61811,188,9,4,"Well, then, turn 'em off!"
61812,188,9,4,"I would love to, but it doesn't work that way!"
61813,188,9,4,I'm a... I'm a human being. I-I-I don't have an off switch.
61814,188,9,4,I'm shutting off.
61815,188,9,4,"There, there."
61816,188,9,4,Sister?
61817,188,9,4,Who needs a lady hug?
61818,188,9,4,Ugh! What the hell are you doing?!
61819,188,9,4,"Wait. Did you jus,[/i] tugh"" my hug?"
61820,188,9,4,I don't need a hug.
61821,188,9,4,I'm pissed off because the Rangers just lost to the Boston Bruins.
61822,188,9,4,BOTH: I hate the Boston Bruins!
61823,188,9,4,(laughs)
61824,188,9,4,"Look, Barney, I hate these feelings."
61825,188,9,4,I hate myself for having these feelings.
61826,188,9,4,"No one wishes they would go away more than I do, but I just... I... I can't seem to make that happen. I've tried."
61827,188,9,4,"Well, then, try harder!"
61828,188,9,4,I'm marrying her in less than two days!
61829,188,9,4,What the hell are we gonna do about this?!
61830,188,9,4,
61831,188,9,4,"NARRATOR: As she watched Robin make a new friend, Lily was happy... for two seconds."
61832,188,9,4,"Oh, no! Oh, come on, ref!"
61833,188,9,4,I haven't seen that much hooking go unpunished since my last trip to Vegas.
61834,188,9,4,"And I was on that trip, because we are best friends now."
61835,188,9,4,(laughs)
61836,188,9,4,(both laughing)
61837,188,9,4,"Hey, this might sound a little nutty, but how about we inject a sexual edge into our abiding friendship that..."
61838,188,9,4,"BOTH: ...in no way jeopardizes our emotional connection, or respective marriages?!"
61839,188,9,4,(both giggling)
61840,188,9,4,LILY: Aw!
61841,188,9,4,"Hell, no!"
61842,188,9,4,Excuse me.
61843,188,9,4,"I've got a Boston Brewin', if you know what I mean."
61844,188,9,4,(laughs)
61845,188,9,4,"You listen, and you listen good."
61846,188,9,4,"If I see your face around Robin again, you will be crying about a lot more than your precious New York Rogers."
61847,188,9,4,Rangers? I will cut you!
61848,188,9,4,(Lily mutters gibberish)
61849,188,9,4,Forgot my purse.
61850,188,9,4,(mutters)
61851,188,9,4,You know what?
61852,188,9,4,That's why I only need you.
61853,188,9,4,'Cause you're a psycho.
61854,188,9,4,My psycho.
61855,188,9,4,"I am, aren't I? Mm-hmm."
61856,188,9,4,(giggling)
61857,188,9,4,There's the blushing bride!
61858,188,9,4,"Back off, Patrice!"
61859,188,9,4,"Look, Barney, the truth is, it was weird at the carousel."
61860,188,9,4,"On some level, it's probably been weird between me and Robin ever since we broke up."
61861,188,9,4,But you're my brother.
61862,188,9,4,"I would never do anything to hurt you, ever."
61863,188,9,4,(scoffs)
61864,188,9,4,"I mean it, I swear!"
61865,188,9,4,I'll-I'll even swear it on the Bro Code.
61866,188,9,4,The Bro Code's stupid.
61867,188,9,4,(gasps)
61868,188,9,4,How dare you!
61869,188,9,4,I'd be honored.
61870,188,9,4,I can't promise that I'll ever get to a place where it won't be at least a little weird between me and Robin.
61871,188,9,4,"But I don't want to lose you as a friend, either of you."
61872,188,9,4,So I will do everything I can to move on and live with it.
61873,188,9,4,The question is... can you?
61874,188,9,4,(sighs)
61875,188,9,4,"I'm sorry, Ted. I just... can't do this."
61876,188,9,4,I fold.
61877,188,9,4,What about the best man?
61878,188,9,4,"I fold, too."
61879,188,9,4,I fold.
61880,188,9,4,There goes my belly buster.
61881,188,9,4,"You sandbag all night, only to bluff a couple of rags, pre-flop, and wind up with a dry board."
61882,188,9,4,That's what you get for limping in shorts-tacked with a pack of donkeys.
61883,188,9,4,Muck city.
61884,188,9,4,I fold!
61885,188,9,4,"Yeah... Oh, right. I knew that."
61886,188,9,4,"I knew that, I knew that, I knew that."
61887,188,9,4,"Okay, two players left."
61888,188,9,4,"You are bluffing, robot man."
61889,188,9,4,I raise.
61890,188,9,4,BARNEY: Oh.
61891,188,9,4,"Hey, Billy, do you mind pushing my chips into the center of the pot?"
61892,188,9,4,"Preferably with gusto, because..."
61893,188,9,4,I'm all in!
61894,188,9,4,"Oh! Oh, boy!"
61895,188,9,4,"All right, all right. ALL: Oh!"
61896,188,9,4,(cheering and laughing)
61897,188,9,4,NARRATOR: And that's how I became Barney's best man again.
61898,188,9,4,Everything was back to going off without a hitch.
61899,188,9,4,"I'm coming for you, Mosby."
61900,189,9,5,"Ooh, Chicago!"
61901,189,9,5,There is this pizza place called Gazzola's.
61902,189,9,5,It's fantastic.
61903,189,9,5,"It was closed down for a while, but it just reopened."
61904,189,9,5,I'm sure they got a Godzilla's in New York.
61905,189,9,5,We're not stopping.
61906,189,9,5,It's just pizza.
61907,189,9,5,Just... pizza?
61908,189,9,5,Let me tell you about the thing you say is just pizza.
61909,189,9,5,We begin with the first bite.
61910,189,9,5,"Oh, the crunch!"
61911,189,9,5,And then the marinara.
61912,189,9,5,That roiling lava of tomato and oregano... it overtakes you!
61913,189,9,5,I'm falling!
61914,189,9,5,And that's.... when she catches you.
61915,189,9,5,"That chewy, voluptuous mistress, Mozzarella."
61916,189,9,5,"Her oven-kissed cheeks crackle with warmth in your mouth, cradling the sauce and the bread, letting you know that from now on... this... is home."
61917,189,9,5,This pizza... is home.
61918,189,9,5,"If it was so delicious, why'd they close it in the first place?"
61919,189,9,5,Rats. We're not stopping!
61920,189,9,5,This road trip sucks!
61921,189,9,5,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x05 ♪
61922,189,9,5,The Poker Game
61923,189,9,5,"Original Air Date on October 14, 2013"
61924,189,9,5,NARRATOR: Barney's bachelor poker game was winding down.
61925,189,9,5,"Tim Gunn, out."
61926,189,9,5,"Lily, busted."
61927,189,9,5,"Marshpillow, fluffed and turned down."
61928,189,9,5,"We were playing what we thought was our final hand, and it was getting intense."
61929,189,9,5,Action to Ranjit.
61930,189,9,5,"Ranjit, action to you."
61931,189,9,5,What?!
61932,189,9,5,"Hey, Ted, thanks again for your gift."
61933,189,9,5,"He gave us a framed photo of all of us at the bar, and he's getting us two other wedding gifts."
61934,189,9,5,What can I say? I just love giving wedding gifts.
61935,189,9,5,"I love giving wedding gifts so much, I wish I could marry giving-wedding-gifts, and then get myself and giving-wedding-gifts a wedding gift."
61936,189,9,5,Maybe saying things like that's why I am not married.
61937,189,9,5,(laughter)
61938,189,9,5,"NARRATOR: Kids, there's a story behind that face."
61939,189,9,5,"Six years earlier, a few weeks after their wedding, Marshall and Lily were going through their wedding gifts."
61940,189,9,5,"Well, that's weird."
61941,189,9,5,Did Ted get us anything?
61942,189,9,5,"Come on, Lily."
61943,189,9,5,Ted... Ted's our best friend.
61944,189,9,5,"If his gift hasn't arrived yet, it's on the way."
61945,189,9,5,"NARRATOR: But time passed, and no gift arrived."
61946,189,9,5,"Finally, Marshall started dropping hints."
61947,189,9,5,"Hey, man, it was great having you at our wedding."
61948,189,9,5,"Thanks, Bro, and thanks for this coffee."
61949,189,9,5,It is great.
61950,189,9,5,You were not wedding absent.
61951,189,9,5,"No, sir."
61952,189,9,5,You were wedding present.
61953,189,9,5,Do I detect a note of hazelnut?
61954,189,9,5,(laughs)
61955,189,9,5,Wedding present.
61956,189,9,5,I think he got it.
61957,189,9,5,NARRATOR: But I didn't get it.
61958,189,9,5,More months passed.
61959,189,9,5,His hints got more desperate.
61960,189,9,5,Happy Halloween!
61961,189,9,5,Yeah. What-what are you supposed to be?
61962,189,9,5,"Well, I'm a wedding present, Ted!"
61963,189,9,5,How could you not get me a wedding present?
61964,189,9,5,"I mean, how could you not get that I am a wedding present?"
61965,189,9,5,Get me? A wedding present!
61966,189,9,5,Get me a wedding present.
61967,189,9,5,Why isn't he getting it?!
61968,189,9,5,I don't know.
61969,189,9,5,"Why didn't you get the message to dress up like a pregnant teenager, home skillet?"
61970,189,9,5,NARRATOR: But he kept on waiting until the summer of 2008 when I got engaged.
61971,189,9,5,"So Ted's getting married, huh?"
61972,189,9,5,Bet he'd love a gift from his old pal Marshall.
61973,189,9,5,"Well, he can forget it!"
61974,189,9,5,We're getting them a gift.
61975,189,9,5,"But Lily, this is the dream."
61976,189,9,5,This is the whole reason we wanted Ted to get married.
61977,189,9,5,"So we could not give him a wedding gift, and he would know exactly how it feels!"
61978,189,9,5,"Baby, I'm as pissed as you are, but we're getting them a gift."
61979,189,9,5,We have to.
61980,189,9,5,Fine.
61981,189,9,5,We'll get them a gift.
61982,189,9,5,A gift that'll send a message loud and clear.
61983,189,9,5,A gift-wrapping station! (laughs)
61984,189,9,5,"Oh, boy. This time, he has to get it."
61985,189,9,5,"NARRATOR: And not long after that, a package arrived."
61986,189,9,5,"Oh, well, well, well."
61987,189,9,5,Package from one Mr. Ted Mosby.
61988,189,9,5,"It's a little late, but..."
61989,189,9,5,What the balls is this?!
61990,189,9,5,It-It's a thank you note for the gift-wrapping station.
61991,189,9,5,NARRATOR: Which explains the face.
61992,189,9,5,Wedding gift.
61993,189,9,5,"JAMES: Hey, Barney."
61994,189,9,5,"I've got a wedding gift for you, too."
61995,189,9,5,Don't get married. (laughs)
61996,189,9,5,Ah.
61997,189,9,5,"In fact, it comes in His and Hers."
61998,189,9,5,(in deep voice): Don't get married!
61999,189,9,5,(in high-pitched voice): Don't get married!
62000,189,9,5,(laughing)
62001,189,9,5,BARNEY: Ah.
62002,189,9,5,I'm not cheating! Don't tell anyone!
62003,189,9,5,I'll cut you in on half!
62004,189,9,5,"Hey, Barney, can you ask James to stop crapping all over marriage?"
62005,189,9,5,He's not crapping on marriage.
62006,189,9,5,He literally drew this on the toilet.
62007,189,9,5,"Come on, Robin. Please don't ask me to pick sides."
62008,189,9,5,"In two days, he's gonna be your brother, too."
62009,189,9,5,Just be honest and tell him what's bothering you.
62010,189,9,5,Okay.
62011,189,9,5,(imitating car revving)
62012,189,9,5,"Marshall, are you...?"
62013,189,9,5,"Hey, Andretti!"
62014,189,9,5,Beat it!
62015,189,9,5,"Marshall, are you sitting down?"
62016,189,9,5,"Well, I'm in a car, and you were pretty clear about the No-Teen-Wolfing Now-That-I'm-A-Dad rule, so, yeah, I'm sitting down."
62017,189,9,5,Ted is getting Barney and Robin three wedding gifts!
62018,189,9,5,I hate him.
62019,189,9,5,"Lily, requesting permission to make a stink?"
62020,189,9,5,Stink away!
62021,189,9,5,Hurry up and get it over with.
62022,189,9,5,(window whirring down)
62023,189,9,5,(phone buzzes)
62024,189,9,5,"Oh, that's Marshall."
62025,189,9,5,I should take this.
62026,189,9,5,"Well, call me Akira Yoshizawa."
62027,189,9,5,World's most famous origamist?
62028,189,9,5,I fold.
62029,189,9,5,(overlapping chatter)
62030,189,9,5,"Barney, here's a good one."
62031,189,9,5,What's the difference between a Journey song and a husband?
62032,189,9,5,A Journey song has a climax.
62033,189,9,5,(laughs)
62034,189,9,5,(laughs)
62035,189,9,5,"I'm sorry, Robin."
62036,189,9,5,I'm just messing with you.
62037,189,9,5,Raise a hundred.
62038,189,9,5,"No, it's fine."
62039,189,9,5,It's just funny hearing all this anti-marriage stuff from a divorced guy who still wears his wedding ring.
62040,189,9,5,"What, this? Mm."
62041,189,9,5,"Only wear it because, nothing attracts a gay guy faster than a wedding ring."
62042,189,9,5,Except saying hi to him.
62043,189,9,5,"Or being in the same room, or every app on my phone."
62044,189,9,5,"People, it is a good time to be gay."
62045,189,9,5,So you can just... you can take that ring off anytime you want?
62046,189,9,5,Anytime.
62047,189,9,5,I'm all in.
62048,189,9,5,And raise you... one ring.
62049,189,9,5,ALL: Ooh!
62050,189,9,5,Fine.
62051,189,9,5,It's just a ring.
62052,189,9,5,"Okay, let's see what you got."
62053,189,9,5,"Robin has three jacks, James has... just shy of a pair of a sixes."
62054,189,9,5,Thank you.
62055,189,9,5,Yeah.
62056,189,9,5,I'm gonna hit the gym.
62057,189,9,5,Let me know if you want to get some dinner later.
62058,189,9,5,"Oh, we'll give you a ring, just not this one. Ho!"
62059,189,9,5,(laughs)
62060,189,9,5,"MARSHALL: You, Ted Mosby, never got me and Lily a wedding gift!"
62061,189,9,5,J'accuse!
62062,189,9,5,"I did, too, get you a gift!"
62063,189,9,5,"It was a coffeemaker, and you never sent me a thank you note!"
62064,189,9,5,Oh.
62065,189,9,5,So-so... me-cuse?
62066,189,9,5,You-cuse!
62067,189,9,5,"Robin, when I said, ""Be honest and say what's bothering you,"""
62068,189,9,5,"I meant, stuff it down and never do anything about it."
62069,189,9,5,How did you not get that?
62070,189,9,5,It's fine. He's a grown-up.
62071,189,9,5,(door opens)
62072,189,9,5,What did you do to my little boy?
62073,189,9,5,(thunder crackling)
62074,189,9,5,"Hi, Mom."
62075,189,9,5,"You get your brother's ring back! Mom, please don't make me take sides! That's your brother out there."
62076,189,9,5,"You two shared bunk beds and baseball mitts, and, when you were hungry, these supple breasts."
62077,189,9,5,Arguably a little too long.
62078,189,9,5,Stinsons stand up for each other.
62079,189,9,5,Take care of this!
62080,189,9,5,I... I'm gonna play some cards.
62081,189,9,5,"All right, chumps."
62082,189,9,5,I'm gonna tell you what I told Frampton's guitar tech when he couldn't find a condom: let's gamble.
62083,189,9,5,You gave us a coffeemaker?
62084,189,9,5,Not just ah coffeemaker.
62085,189,9,5,I asked what they used at your favorite coffeehouse and got you that exact... one tier down model.
62086,189,9,5,And you know what you got me? Huh?
62087,189,9,5,NARRATOR: No thank you note.
62088,189,9,5,So I started dropping hints about it.
62089,189,9,5,Do I detect a note of hazelnut?
62090,189,9,5,Wedding present.
62091,189,9,5,Kind of want to say thank you to that note of hazelnut.
62092,189,9,5,Thank you... note.
62093,189,9,5,(laughs)
62094,189,9,5,Wedding... present.
62095,189,9,5,Anyway...
62096,189,9,5,Thank you note.
62097,189,9,5,"Yeah, he got it."
62098,189,9,5,But you never got it!
62099,189,9,5,"I drank so much coffee that year, hoping you'd take the hint, my resting pulse was like the drum solo from ""Wipeout."""
62100,189,9,5,"And then, uh, Halloween rolled around."
62101,189,9,5,Get me a wedding present.
62102,189,9,5,On that note...
62103,189,9,5,I think you'll like my costume.
62104,189,9,5,Mm.
62105,189,9,5,I'm a thank you note.
62106,189,9,5,Thank you note. Ah.
62107,189,9,5,Guess you could say that we sort of go together.
62108,189,9,5,"That's right, Marshall. That's right."
62109,189,9,5,"When someone gets you a gift, you give them a thank you note."
62110,189,9,5,That is how it works.
62111,189,9,5,"Give a gift, get a note."
62112,189,9,5,Agreed. Exactly.
62113,189,9,5,Exactly.
62114,189,9,5,Exactly. Exactly.
62115,189,9,5,I think he got it.
62116,189,9,5,"Yeah. Yeah, he got it."
62117,189,9,5,I have to find a bathroom.
62118,189,9,5,I didn't get it!
62119,189,9,5,And I thought for sure you'd get it when I sent that thank you note for the wrapping station.
62120,189,9,5,"""Dear Marshall and Lily, ""this is a thank you note to thank yo, ufor the gift-wrapping station."
62121,189,9,5,"""Because even though the wedding never happened, ""there's one thing that didn't leave me at the altar, and that's my manners.""[/i]"
62122,189,9,5,I can't believe this.
62123,189,9,5,Eriksens send thank you notes.
62124,189,9,5,It's the one thing that we always do!
62125,189,9,5,We even have a family saying about it.
62126,189,9,5,"""Lick it, before you stick it!"""
62127,189,9,5,"""It"" being the stamp on the thank you note, before you stick it in the mailbox."
62128,189,9,5,I will make this right!
62129,189,9,5,"I know, right?"
62130,189,9,5,"Hey, listen, we're about to go through a tunnel."
62131,189,9,5,"Guys, big dilemma."
62132,189,9,5,"My mom's insisting that I get Robin to give James his ring back, but Robin's refusing."
62133,189,9,5,But James seems like he's really upset.
62134,189,9,5,But Robin's gonna be my wife.
62135,189,9,5,But James is my brother.
62136,189,9,5,But Robin lets me do s*x to her.
62137,189,9,5,But I have to spend eternity in my mom's mausoleum.
62138,189,9,5,I just wish there was a way I didn't have to take sides!
62139,189,9,5,What should I do?!
62140,189,9,5,(exhales)
62141,189,9,5,Choose your wife.
62142,189,9,5,You always choose your wife. Easy.
62143,189,9,5,"Got any other stumpers, like how to answe,[/i] rDoes this make me look fat?"""
62144,189,9,5,"Well, maybe a little around the hips but no more than usual."
62145,189,9,5,"You're getting married, so I will deal with that one after your honeymoon."
62146,189,9,5,
62147,189,9,5,NARRATOR: And she did.
62148,189,9,5,Belize was amazi...
62149,189,9,5,(groaning)
62150,189,9,5,"In marriage, being right is less important than being supportive."
62151,189,9,5,Remember: happy wife equals happy life.
62152,189,9,5,"Wow, thanks. That's some great advice, Lil."
62153,189,9,5,I knew I could count on you.
62154,189,9,5,He's gotten very respectful with his fake listening.
62155,189,9,5,"Anyway, Lily, I told Marshall this already, but... don't worry about not sending a thank you note for the coffeemaker. It's cool."
62156,189,9,5,"Uh, we did send a thank you note for the coffeemaker."
62157,189,9,5,"Uh... no, you didn't."
62158,189,9,5,"Uh... yes, we did."
62159,189,9,5,"To Stuart and Claudia, the people who gave us the coffeemaker."
62160,189,9,5,Uh... what?
62161,189,9,5,"Hey, you two!"
62162,189,9,5,Hey. Hey.
62163,189,9,5,"Hey, thanks again for that coffeemaker."
62164,189,9,5,We use it all the time.
62165,189,9,5,Especially when Ted's over.
62166,189,9,5,"Yeah, it's a great machine."
62167,189,9,5,We have one at home and we love it.
62168,189,9,5,Did I forget to get you a wedding gift?
62169,189,9,5,What kind of monster am I?
62170,189,9,5,Mosbys always give wedding gifts.
62171,189,9,5,"We even have an expression: ""Wrap it before you tap it."""
62172,189,9,5,"You know, wrap the gift before you tap the person on the shoulder and say, ""Here's your gift."""
62173,189,9,5,I will make this right.
62174,189,9,5,"Robin? Two things: number one, are you dropping heat right now?"
62175,189,9,5,No. Great.
62176,189,9,5,Number two.
62177,189,9,5,(chuckles)
62178,189,9,5,"Nice. Thanks. Anyway, I came up with an amazing plan that I think will make everyone happy."
62179,189,9,5,Step one: you let my mom win the ring back in a hand of poker.
62180,189,9,5,Step two...
62181,189,9,5,"No, that's all the steps."
62182,189,9,5,What do you think?
62183,189,9,5,So your plan is you do absolutely nothing to get your fiancée's back.
62184,189,9,5,Okay.
62185,189,9,5,Let me propose a different plan.
62186,189,9,5,Step one...
62187,189,9,5,"Good game, everybody!"
62188,189,9,5,(giggles)
62189,189,9,5,And that's all the steps.
62190,189,9,5,"That's a really pretty bra, Mom."
62191,189,9,5,"Well, I'd better leave now before I lose any more of my dignity, the likelihood of which is increasing every moment in this very chilly room."
62192,189,9,5,Oh...
62193,189,9,5,(door shuts)
62194,189,9,5,"Not good, Robin."
62195,189,9,5,Very not good.
62196,189,9,5,"How do you keep winning, anyway?"
62197,189,9,5,"Well, to the keen observer, all of you Stinsons have the same very subtle tell."
62198,189,9,5,"Whenever you're bluffing, you say the word ""bluff."""
62199,189,9,5,"Hey, I'm hungry. Uh... should we get some bluffalo wings?"
62200,189,9,5,Raise you $20.
62201,189,9,5,"When I walked in, I saw an all-you-can-eat bluffet."
62202,189,9,5,Raise $50.
62203,189,9,5,Mmm... I could use a bluffberry muffin.
62204,189,9,5,A blueberry bluffin. Sorry.
62205,189,9,5,A bluebluffy muffbluff. All in.
62206,189,9,5,I don't believe it.
62207,189,9,5,"Robin, you've got to give her that blouse back."
62208,189,9,5,She loves that blouse.
62209,189,9,5,She got those sequins from Rick James...'s open casket.
62210,189,9,5,Nope. Not happening.
62211,189,9,5,"Woman, as your bridegroom, I command you!"
62212,189,9,5,We'll leave and give you guys some privacy.
62213,189,9,5,(door shuts)
62214,189,9,5,"You, uh, want to take back that ""I command you"" thing?"
62215,189,9,5,Please can I?
62216,189,9,5,Why is this so important to you?
62217,189,9,5,Because it's my family.
62218,189,9,5,"And, so help me, you and I will never have s*x again if you don't give back their bluff."
62219,189,9,5,Stuff! Damn it.
62220,189,9,5,"Look, I just... I want to feel like you're on my side once in a while. That's all."
62221,189,9,5,"Look, I'm gonna be your wife, for God's sakes."
62222,189,9,5,"But, look, if it's... if it's that important to you, here."
62223,189,9,5,Do what you want.
62224,189,9,5,Thank you.
62225,189,9,5,And please don't play strip poker with my mom again.
62226,189,9,5,It's all kinds of confusing.
62227,189,9,5,(door shuts)
62228,189,9,5,(sighs)
62229,189,9,5,(phone ringing)
62230,189,9,5,"Oh, that's where my phone is."
62231,189,9,5,"I wasn't eavesdropping. Hey, baby."
62232,189,9,5,"Lily, we were wrong the whole time."
62233,189,9,5,Ted got us the coffeemaker!
62234,189,9,5,He's a wonderful man!
62235,189,9,5,What? No. Claudia and Stuart gave us our coffeemaker.
62236,189,9,5,Ted's a rat b*st*rd! Never mention his name again!
62237,189,9,5,Your coffeemaker?
62238,189,9,5,Ted got you that.
62239,189,9,5,I was with him when he bought it.
62240,189,9,5,I don't know what to feel!
62241,189,9,5,But Stuart said he got it for us.
62242,189,9,5,Stuart and Claudia checked in.
62243,189,9,5,I saw them in the lobby.
62244,189,9,5,Let's go get to the bottom of this.
62245,189,9,5,"Stuart, no B.S., did you really get us that coffeemaker for our wedding?"
62246,189,9,5,Of course.
62247,189,9,5,What a crazy thing to ask.
62248,189,9,5,They never give you enough of these things.
62249,189,9,5,"Oh, my God."
62250,189,9,5,"Ted got us that coffeemaker, and you just played it off as your gift."
62251,189,9,5,You're a weasel. Admit it.
62252,189,9,5,"No, that's insane."
62253,189,9,5,Really?
62254,189,9,5,Housekeeping!
62255,189,9,5,Conditioner thief!
62256,189,9,5,"Okay, shh, shh. Yes, I am a weasel."
62257,189,9,5,I ripped the card off Ted's gift and I wrote my name on it.
62258,189,9,5,Does Claudia know about this?
62259,189,9,5,No. Please don't tell her.
62260,189,9,5,That gift was a turning point for us.
62261,189,9,5,Ah.
62262,189,9,5,"I got to admit, I came pretty close to leaving you."
62263,189,9,5,"Bags packed, plane ticket purchased, topless pics sent to your brother, the whole nine."
62264,189,9,5,"But seeing that you got our friends such a nice gift, ah, it just really puts you in a whole new light."
62265,189,9,5,Oh.
62266,189,9,5,I'm a pretty great guy. Oh.
62267,189,9,5,(water running in background)
62268,189,9,5,"And since that day, on the foundation of that coffeemaker, we've built a strong, nurturing relationship."
62269,189,9,5,"Well, out of respect for your marriage, I won't say anything."
62270,189,9,5,Say hi to Claudia when she gets out of the shower.
62271,189,9,5,That's not Claudia. Good night.
62272,189,9,5,Tap tap.
62273,189,9,5,Look what I wrapped!
62274,189,9,5,What?
62275,189,9,5,(door opens)
62276,189,9,5,(sighs)
62277,189,9,5,"So, I went to give James his ring back..."
62278,189,9,5,Glad you came to your senses.
62279,189,9,5,You can't let being married keep you from being you.
62280,189,9,5,"It's like Tom, always telling me I spend too much time at the gym."
62281,189,9,5,Exactly. Is it so wrong if you want to work out a couple times a week?
62282,189,9,5,Right. Or a couple times a day.
62283,189,9,5,Or a couple times...
62284,189,9,5,A couple times a day? Really?
62285,189,9,5,"A few hours before work, a few hours after."
62286,189,9,5,Only way to keep up the chocolate xylophone.
62287,189,9,5,(singing notes)
62288,189,9,5,"Still, that's a lot of time at the gym."
62289,189,9,5,Especially with two kids.
62290,189,9,5,"It's like I always said to Tom, ""I've got to stay in shape in case I'm ever single again."""
62291,189,9,5,"And, hello, I was right."
62292,189,9,5,"Oh, my God."
62293,189,9,5,I think I finally understand what Lily was mumbling in my peripheral vision earlier.
62294,189,9,5,"I'm marrying Robin so I can be part of a team, not just some guy alone at a gym with admittedly amazing abs."
62295,189,9,5,"Thanks, Bro."
62296,189,9,5,"No. Thank you, Bro."
62297,189,9,5,You're not getting this ring.
62298,189,9,5,I'm always gonna have your back.
62299,189,9,5,No matter what.
62300,189,9,5,Thank you.
62301,189,9,5,"I love you. Mmm, I love you, too."
62302,189,9,5,(chuckles)
62303,189,9,5,(moaning)
62304,189,9,5,"Oh, oh! I almost didn't tell you the best part!"
62305,189,9,5,There's more!
62306,189,9,5,Really?
62307,189,9,5,"James, let me spell this out for you: now that I've got Robin, we are not brothers anymore."
62308,189,9,5,What?!
62309,189,9,5,Uh-huh.
62310,189,9,5,"If you and Robin are both ever hanging from a cliff and I have one hand free, enjoy the fall."
62311,189,9,5,"Uh, buh-bye."
62312,189,9,5,"If you... Oh, Mom! Good!"
62313,189,9,5,"You should hear this, too."
62314,189,9,5,This mother-son thing... it's over.
62315,189,9,5,"It's been a nice few decades, but I've got a wife now, so you mean nothing to me."
62316,189,9,5,"Oh, and me coming over for Thanksgiving and Christmas, that's done!"
62317,189,9,5,No more of that!
62318,189,9,5,And you know why?
62319,189,9,5,Because Robin said so!
62320,189,9,5,This came directly from her!
62321,189,9,5,"See ya, losers!"
62322,189,9,5,"Oh, my God."
62323,189,9,5,Yeah.
62324,189,9,5,Fiancé of the year?
62325,189,9,5,"(chuckles) I think I know what's next. Oh, God."
62326,189,9,5,"Oh, God. I can't leave this room for the rest of the weekend."
62327,189,9,5,"I'm sure we can find something to do, eh?"
62328,189,9,5,"MARSHALL: Ted, I'm so sorry!"
62329,189,9,5,"No, I'm sorry."
62330,189,9,5,I shouldn't have spent the last six years passive-aggressively drinking gallons of coffee around you.
62331,189,9,5,And I shouldn't have taken that sewing class to learn how to make that wedding present costume.
62332,189,9,5,"I regret all of it. Me, too!"
62333,189,9,5,Except I actually don't regret that sewing class.
62334,189,9,5,I learned a fun and useful lifetime skill.
62335,189,9,5,"But, seriously, even without the coffeemaker, you've given us more than enough."
62336,189,9,5,"Well, there is one more gift on the way."
62337,189,9,5,"Whatever it is, send it back."
62338,189,9,5,(horn honks)
62339,189,9,5,It's a little late for that.
62340,189,9,5,Marshall Eriksen?!
62341,189,9,5,Yes?!
62342,189,9,5,I got your pizza!
62343,189,9,5,"Oh, Ted!"
62344,189,9,5,You are the best friend ever!
62345,189,9,5,"Don't say another word, Marshall."
62346,189,9,5,Save it for the thank you note.
62347,189,9,5,"You got it, buddy!"
62348,189,9,5,"NARRATOR: And, kids, I got that thank you note four months later."
62349,189,9,5,Four months.
62350,189,9,5,"Uh, here's your blouse back."
62351,189,9,5,"Is there any way we could just, um... forget about all this?"
62352,189,9,5,"Oh, no, dear, you keep the blouse."
62353,189,9,5,Think of it as your consolation prize.
62354,189,9,5,Consolation prize?
62355,189,9,5,You won the battle.
62356,189,9,5,But I'll win the war.
62357,190,9,6,"TED: Look at this, your wedding weekend. I know."
62358,190,9,6,This close to finally having s*x again.
62359,190,9,6,It's been forever.
62360,190,9,6,"Oh, you and Robin been abstaining?"
62361,190,9,6,"Talking about you, Ted."
62362,190,9,6,Now here's the deal: every hookup at a weekend wedding is decided at Friday night drinks.
62363,190,9,6,"Get stuck with the wrong girl tonight, the only action you'll be getting all weekend is a self-five, and I don't mean the cool kind."
62364,190,9,6,(chuckles)
62365,190,9,6,Self-five! That's the cool kind.
62366,190,9,6,"Well, that's a big decision."
62367,190,9,6,The biggest.
62368,190,9,6,It brings to mind that religious text which we hold most sacred: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
62369,190,9,6,Remember? They entered a chamber.
62370,190,9,6,Really? I'm the one working with the Nazis?
62371,190,9,6,"Ted, just... just... okay?"
62372,190,9,6,Yeah. They had to choose which cup was this special cup.
62373,190,9,6,"I forget what it was called, but it's like the Holy Grail of cups."
62374,190,9,6,"It was the Holy Grail. Of cups, exactly."
62375,190,9,6,"So the Nazi confederate chose, and..."
62376,190,9,6,(quietly): Please don't make me do that...
62377,190,9,6,"Ted, Ted, the confederate Nazi chose, and...? - I..."
62378,190,9,6,"Okay, okay."
62379,190,9,6,Oh.
62380,190,9,6,And so now I'm gonna explode.
62381,190,9,6,(explosion sounds)
62382,190,9,6,He chose... poorly.
62383,190,9,6,"Then Indy picked a cup, and..."
62384,190,9,6,You chose... wisely.
62385,190,9,6,(playing surf guitar)
62386,190,9,6,"So choose wisely, Ted."
62387,190,9,6,"To help you decide, I spent all day yesterday picking your top three prospects."
62388,190,9,6,And I helped.
62389,190,9,6,It was either that or writing our vows.
62390,190,9,6,Uch! Gag.
62391,190,9,6,"Sophia was Robin's college roommate, and she's apparently ""a bit of a screamer"" in the sack."
62392,190,9,6,"Yeah, during s*x, she sounds exactly like a car alarm from the '90s."
62393,190,9,6,"You know, whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo, ooh-uh, ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah."
62394,190,9,6,Dudes love it.
62395,190,9,6,Cassie is the daughter of my mom's best friend.
62396,190,9,6,"Sad story: 12 years ago, her gymnast career was tragically cut short when her boobs got too big."
62397,190,9,6,Grace is a new coworker.
62398,190,9,6,"She's had six different positions at the firm, and that was just at the Christmas party."
62399,190,9,6,Ooh.
62400,190,9,6,"So, Grace doesn't arrive till later, Mm-hmm."
62401,190,9,6,I recommend
62402,190,9,6,(whistles) Sophia.
62403,190,9,6,I strongly feel that you should strongly feel her.
62404,190,9,6,"I guess it's decided, then."
62405,190,9,6,"Ted, right? Yeah."
62406,190,9,6,I'm Cassie.
62407,190,9,6,Oh... something tells me that we are gonna have a lot of fun this weekend. (chuckles)
62408,190,9,6,(quietly): Cassie. I pick Cassie.
62409,190,9,6,You chose... poorly.
62410,190,9,6,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x06 ♪
62411,190,9,6,Knight Vision
62412,190,9,6,"Original Air Date on October 21, 2013"
62413,190,9,6,"Hey, there's our minister."
62414,190,9,6,"Oh, what a sweet-looking old..."
62415,190,9,6,Ah! He looks scary.
62416,190,9,6,"Looks can be deceiving, Lily."
62417,190,9,6,But not in this case.
62418,190,9,6,He's a mean old tool.
62419,190,9,6,"Oh, he can't be that bad."
62420,190,9,6,I'll get him to come around. Just...
62421,190,9,6,"Hi, Reverend, I'm Lily Aldrin, the maid of honor."
62422,190,9,6,Not too much honor.
62423,190,9,6,You're dressed like a whore.
62424,190,9,6,(mouthing)
62425,190,9,6,So what's going on? Why aren't you telling your wife you got an offer to be a judge?
62426,190,9,6,"Lily had her heart set on us moving to Rome, so I have to tell her in person."
62427,190,9,6,"That way, I know that I can convince her that we need to stay."
62428,190,9,6,"In the courtroom, they call me The Convincer."
62429,190,9,6,They really call you that?
62430,190,9,6,I convinced them to call me that.
62431,190,9,6,But you have to prepare for your court cases.
62432,190,9,6,Did you prepare for talking to Lily?
62433,190,9,6,"I don't need to prepare, okay?"
62434,190,9,6,I can craft a nice... thingy.
62435,190,9,6,"Oh, wow I'm totally... the twisty metal thingy?"
62436,190,9,6,You're screwed.
62437,190,9,6,I'm screwed!
62438,190,9,6,(both laughing)
62439,190,9,6,"I'm sorry, Ted, I don't know."
62440,190,9,6,"I'm just so tired of this routine: we flirt, we have a few drinks, and then we end the night with meaningless s*x."
62441,190,9,6,Oh... yeah.
62442,190,9,6,"Me, too."
62443,190,9,6,Do you want to start the night with meaningless s*x and then flirt later?
62444,190,9,6,You are a visionary.
62445,190,9,6,(laughs)
62446,190,9,6,Come on.
62447,190,9,6,(phone rings)
62448,190,9,6,Oh! Oh! It's work.
62449,190,9,6,Should I get it or ignore it?
62450,190,9,6,"Or get it? Oh, or ignore it?"
62451,190,9,6,Um... Forget it?
62452,190,9,6,"You know? Go ahead, get it."
62453,190,9,6,Okay. (clears throat)
62454,190,9,6,Hello?
62455,190,9,6,You chose... poorly.
62456,190,9,6,I'm fired?
62457,190,9,6,But teaching there was my dream job!
62458,190,9,6,And you guys are my only friends.
62459,190,9,6,You all hate me?
62460,190,9,6,Can I at least say good-bye to all my kids?
62461,190,9,6,My kids all hate me?!
62462,190,9,6,(sobbing)
62463,190,9,6,Oh!
62464,190,9,6,Oh. It's okay.
62465,190,9,6,"So, what were we about to do?"
62466,190,9,6,"I think it wa,[/i] smeaningless"" something?"
62467,190,9,6,Meaningless socks? No.
62468,190,9,6,(sobbing)
62469,190,9,6,"No, it wasn't meaningless socks."
62470,190,9,6,"Hey, hi, hi, hi."
62471,190,9,6,"Um, so, a little problem."
62472,190,9,6,I was trying really hard not to offend your minister...
62473,190,9,6,So how did you and your husband meet?
62474,190,9,6,"Oh, it was our first week of college."
62475,190,9,6,"I needed help hooking up my stereo, so I walked down the hall, and I just knew I should knock on this one door."
62476,190,9,6,Marshall opened it.
62477,190,9,6,It was destiny.
62478,190,9,6,Hi. Hi.
62479,190,9,6,We've been together ever since.
62480,190,9,6,Excuse me!
62481,190,9,6,What did I do wrong?
62482,190,9,6,What did you do wrong?
62483,190,9,6,We really wanted him to marry us.
62484,190,9,6,"His church has cute coming out the wazoo, but when we met with him..."
62485,190,9,6,No pets in my church.
62486,190,9,6,No casual attire in my church.
62487,190,9,6,No gum. No sports logos...
62488,190,9,6,Reverend? More like Never-end.
62489,190,9,6,Prayer-five. No shouting. No cell phones.
62490,190,9,6,I'll warn you that I turn down most wedding requests.
62491,190,9,6,"Particularly from boozy, promiscuous Manhattanites who only want me to marry them because my church has ""cute coming out the wazoo."""
62492,190,9,6,That is the total opposite of us.
62493,190,9,6,People are like that?
62494,190,9,6,"Well, then, how did you two meet?"
62495,190,9,6,"Oh, um, um..."
62496,190,9,6,Um...
62497,190,9,6,"Uh, we've been... dating since college."
62498,190,9,6,We met the very first week.
62499,190,9,6,"I needed help hooking up my stereo, so I walked down the hall, and I just knew that I should knock on this one door."
62500,190,9,6,BARNEY: I opened the door.
62501,190,9,6,And it was destiny.
62502,190,9,6,Hi.
62503,190,9,6,Hi.
62504,190,9,6,BOTH: We've been together ever since!
62505,190,9,6,You stole our story of how we met?!
62506,190,9,6,We had to! Your story is so sweet! Mm.
62507,190,9,6,You didn't even kiss till the third date.
62508,190,9,6,"By our third date, I'd hit more bases than Bob Hope on a USO tour. Topical."
62509,190,9,6,Now Reverend Lowell knows that we lied to him.
62510,190,9,6,What if he cancels our wedding?
62511,190,9,6,What? That's ridiculous.
62512,190,9,6,"Barney, Robin, I need to speak with you in private immediately."
62513,190,9,6,"And it's not just losing my job, my car just got stolen with all my stuff in it."
62514,190,9,6,And now I think I'm getting the flu!
62515,190,9,6,I'm sorry.
62516,190,9,6,"I've been talking for, like, a half an hour."
62517,190,9,6,It's fine.
62518,190,9,6,40 minutes. It's fine.
62519,190,9,6,"Still, I think I would be able to handle all of this"
62520,190,9,6,(voice breaks): if my boyfriend Wesley hadn't just broken up with me!
62521,190,9,6,(sobs softly)
62522,190,9,6,(inhales deeply)
62523,190,9,6,Why don't you tell me about it?
62524,190,9,6,Okay! I should go back to the beginning.
62525,190,9,6,"Oh, no, before the beginning."
62526,190,9,6,"Winter, 1998..."
62527,190,9,6,"Man, this girl is a drag!"
62528,190,9,6,"If I hurry, I bet I still have"
62529,190,9,6,a shot with Sophia.
62530,190,9,6,"Okay, I'll get one more drink with Cassie, then bail."
62531,190,9,6,"But where, bar or dining room?"
62532,190,9,6,Bar or dining room?
62533,190,9,6,"For my fourth date with Wesley, we went..."
62534,190,9,6,"Cassie, let's get one more drink in the dining room."
62535,190,9,6,You chose...
62536,190,9,6,"Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!"
62537,190,9,6,Hey! We just ordered appetizers.
62538,190,9,6,"Sit down, you two!"
62539,190,9,6,...Ha-poorly!
62540,190,9,6,"Marshall, you're walking into the biggest fight of your life."
62541,190,9,6,You have to be prepared. You have to be tough.
62542,190,9,6,"I am tough! No, you're not."
62543,190,9,6,You make some good points.
62544,190,9,6,"Now, what exactly are you gonna say to Lily when you walk through that door?"
62545,190,9,6,Okay.
62546,190,9,6,"Hey, baby."
62547,190,9,6,"So, listen, I got this phone call..."
62548,190,9,6,"DAPHNE: Whoa, whoa, whoa!"
62549,190,9,6,You haven't seen her in a week.
62550,190,9,6,"Where's the ""I missed you""? How about a kiss?"
62551,190,9,6,Nothing about her new hairstyle?
62552,190,9,6,Hairstyle? I can't actually see...
62553,190,9,6,Start over!
62554,190,9,6,Lily! Hi.
62555,190,9,6,Mmm.
62556,190,9,6,I missed you.
62557,190,9,6,And your hairstyle so much.
62558,190,9,6,"DAPHNE'S VOICE: I missed you, too."
62559,190,9,6,I can't wait to show you how much in bed tonight.
62560,190,9,6,"Okay, that's creepy."
62561,190,9,6,Don't break character.
62562,190,9,6,"Okay, um..."
62563,190,9,6,"So, listen, I got this phone call last week, and I..."
62564,190,9,6,"DAPHNE: Whoa, whoa, whoa!"
62565,190,9,6,Acknowledge her own views on the matter first.
62566,190,9,6,Start over.
62567,190,9,6,"Lily, hi, mwah."
62568,190,9,6,I missed you and your hairstyle so much.
62569,190,9,6,"DAPHNE'S VOICE: I missed you, too."
62570,190,9,6,"Okay, so, I know that you're excited for Rome."
62571,190,9,6,I'm more excited for bed tonight.
62572,190,9,6,"While I was away, uh, I got a phone call."
62573,190,9,6,To be a judge.
62574,190,9,6,What the damn hell?!
62575,190,9,6,"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"
62576,190,9,6,"Lily does not sa,[/i] yWhat the damn hell."""
62577,190,9,6,"Well, I've never met her but, yes, she does."
62578,190,9,6,You make some good points. Wow.
62579,190,9,6,You are terrible at this.
62580,190,9,6,(sighs)
62581,190,9,6,Why did we lie?
62582,190,9,6,We have to come clean.
62583,190,9,6,"Frankly, I am appalled."
62584,190,9,6,I know. I... Your friend Lily just tried to pass off your sweet story of how you met as her own.
62585,190,9,6,That lying little tart! I am horrified and relieved!
62586,190,9,6,Does Lily have any... problems that you're aware of?
62587,190,9,6,Drinking. Drugs.
62588,190,9,6,BOTH: She's been drinking drugs.
62589,190,9,6,"LOWELL: Well,"
62590,190,9,6,"I talked to Barney and Robin, and, let me say, I'm shocked."
62591,190,9,6,You should be.
62592,190,9,6,Flat-out lying to me like that?
62593,190,9,6,We are not misunderstanding each other.
62594,190,9,6,How dare you pretend their beautiful story is actually your own.
62595,190,9,6,Come again for Lil' Fudge?
62596,190,9,6,(chuckles)
62597,190,9,6,I understand the temptation.
62598,190,9,6,They're such a sweet couple.
62599,190,9,6,"I mean, the way they call each other Barnmallow and Robinpad."
62600,190,9,6,(chuckles)
62601,190,9,6,Oh.
62602,190,9,6,LILY: Yes.
62603,190,9,6,I do steal their stories.
62604,190,9,6,Mm-hmm. But only because my husband and I are so ashamed of how we met.
62605,190,9,6,"See, we only met because his friend Ted fell in love with me."
62606,190,9,6,And who could blame him?
62607,190,9,6,"Hey, Marshall."
62608,190,9,6,See that girl?
62609,190,9,6,"Oh, yeah."
62610,190,9,6,You just know she likes it dirty.
62611,190,9,6,Go say hi. What?
62612,190,9,6,I can't just go say hi. I-I need a plan.
62613,190,9,6,Hmm.
62614,190,9,6,I'm gonna wait until she goes to the bathroom...
62615,190,9,6,Hi.
62616,190,9,6,Have you met Ted?
62617,190,9,6,"MARSHALL: I'm sorry, I can't..."
62618,190,9,6,"LILY: And now, after years of lying, cheating and backsliding, here we are, married!"
62619,190,9,6,But what can I say?
62620,190,9,6,"My husband's a sociopath who's slept with over a hundred women, and I'm a slut who once let my boss feel me up."
62621,190,9,6,"Oh, come on!"
62622,190,9,6,I felt him up! It is over 250 women!
62623,190,9,6,"If you two want to get married in my church, you'll stop breaking the ninth commandment."
62624,190,9,6,Uh... no fat chicks?
62625,190,9,6,Thou shalt not lie!
62626,190,9,6,With fat chicks?
62627,190,9,6,You're killing me. You're killing me.
62628,190,9,6,Now that... was a good dessert.
62629,190,9,6,(Cassie sighs)
62630,190,9,6,"""Dessert"" sounds like ""desert."""
62631,190,9,6,The desert has sand... there's sand at the beach... and Wesley and I once drove by a beach.
62632,190,9,6,(sobbing)
62633,190,9,6,Excuse me.
62634,190,9,6,(sobbing)
62635,190,9,6,TED: Now's my chance to leave.
62636,190,9,6,"No, I'll wait five more seconds"
62637,190,9,6,so I don't seem too eager.
62638,190,9,6,Four... three... two...
62639,190,9,6,"Well, thanks for keeping our daughter company."
62640,190,9,6,"Man, she can be a real drag, huh?"
62641,190,9,6,We're gonna go have a little fun. See ya!
62642,190,9,6,(laughing)
62643,190,9,6,"You're on fire tonight, bro."
62644,190,9,6,"But, Lily, being a judge is my dream job."
62645,190,9,6,DAPHNE'S VOICE: So your dream job is more important than my dream job?
62646,190,9,6,Exactly. Now you're getting it.
62647,190,9,6,(clucks tongue)
62648,190,9,6,Nope.
62649,190,9,6,Start over.
62650,190,9,6,So your dream job's more important than my dream job?
62651,190,9,6,"But, baby, you already have the best job in the world: Mom. Nope."
62652,190,9,6,Start over.
62653,190,9,6,So your dream job's more important than my dream job?
62654,190,9,6,"Hey, I gave up peeing in the shower for you."
62655,190,9,6,Nope.
62656,190,9,6,Start over.
62657,190,9,6,So your dream job's more important than my dream job?
62658,190,9,6,Of course not.
62659,190,9,6,But this isn't just about our future.
62660,190,9,6,It's about everyone's.
62661,190,9,6,"As a lawyer, I couldn't stop big oil from polluting, but as a judge... well, maybe I can."
62662,190,9,6,And that's why I took the job.
62663,190,9,6,"You've just been ""convincered."""
62664,190,9,6,Wait.
62665,190,9,6,You already took the job?
62666,190,9,6,Without even talking to your wife?
62667,190,9,6,Start over.
62668,190,9,6,Start over... start over.
62669,190,9,6,What the damn hell?!
62670,190,9,6,"Hi, Reverend Lowell?"
62671,190,9,6,Whew. Made it through my half.
62672,190,9,6,You're up.
62673,190,9,6,Oh. Uh...
62674,190,9,6,"The-the truth is, we-we have a complicated, messy history that-that we're not too proud of."
62675,190,9,6,"But... we're sorry that we lied, and hope that you can forgive us."
62676,190,9,6,"Nope, I can't do it."
62677,190,9,6,You're going to have to find a new officiant.
62678,190,9,6,Okay.
62679,190,9,6,"Well, these things happen."
62680,190,9,6,And a new church.
62681,190,9,6,What the damn hell?!
62682,190,9,6,TED: This evening could not get any worse.
62683,190,9,6,Whenever you're ready. Crap!
62684,190,9,6,"Hey, Ted."
62685,190,9,6,Thanks for being so great.
62686,190,9,6,I'm lucky to have you around this weekend.
62687,190,9,6,"Ooh, yeah..."
62688,190,9,6,About that...
62689,190,9,6,"I should really go see about the, uh..."
62690,190,9,6,"So, s*x? My room is very close."
62691,190,9,6,(Cassie laughs)
62692,190,9,6,TED: Sophia. Hi.
62693,190,9,6,"Oh, God. Wesley."
62694,190,9,6,"Wait. Wait, you're Wesley?"
62695,190,9,6,"Hey, Cassie."
62696,190,9,6,(laughs nervously)
62697,190,9,6,Your parents were just saying you have a new boyfriend.
62698,190,9,6,"""Boyfriend"" is a little premature."
62699,190,9,6,Though I did pay for dinner.
62700,190,9,6,Ted and I are very happy.
62701,190,9,6,Are we?
62702,190,9,6,(crying): Even if... he'll never replace you.
62703,190,9,6,(sobbing)
62704,190,9,6,"So, Sophia. Hi."
62705,190,9,6,I'm Ted.
62706,190,9,6,Robin's friend.
62707,190,9,6,"What do you say we give these two old flames a chance to... catch up alone, and maybe you and I could go get a drink."
62708,190,9,6,Are you hitting on me? Dude!
62709,190,9,6,"Ted, let's go!"
62710,190,9,6,You tip...
62711,190,9,6,(scoffs)
62712,190,9,6,...poorly.
62713,190,9,6,"Look, I know. I shouldn't have taken the job without telling Lily."
62714,190,9,6,Why are you so ticked off about it?
62715,190,9,6,Because I know what she's going through.
62716,190,9,6,"I always dreamed of having a career I could be proud of, but my husband never supported me."
62717,190,9,6,"Eventually, I had to... make a choice."
62718,190,9,6,"Now, every day, I'm out there, I'm fighting for the good guys, and I love it."
62719,190,9,6,"Doesn't your wife deserve that, too?"
62720,190,9,6,"Wow. Um, maybe you're right."
62721,190,9,6,I didn't realize how many sacrifices you'd made.
62722,190,9,6,"What is it you do, anyway?"
62723,190,9,6,I'm a lobbyist for a big oil company.
62724,190,9,6,What the damn hell?!
62725,190,9,6,You know that I'm an environmentalist!
62726,190,9,6,That's why you don't want me to become a judge.
62727,190,9,6,But you're the reason I have to become a judge!
62728,190,9,6,You're the devil incarnate! And outcarnate!
62729,190,9,6,Every kind of carnate!
62730,190,9,6,"Please, is-is there any way you'd reconsider?"
62731,190,9,6,"No! No, no!"
62732,190,9,6,You two are both terrible people.
62733,190,9,6,Who found each other in this crazy world!
62734,190,9,6,Aw!
62735,190,9,6,And who lie about how they found each other.
62736,190,9,6,"So, please leave now. Just..."
62737,190,9,6,Ugh! Ugh!
62738,190,9,6,You know what? You're right.
62739,190,9,6,We shouldn't have lied about our story.
62740,190,9,6,I love our story.
62741,190,9,6,"Sure, it's messy, but it's the story that got us here, about to get married."
62742,190,9,6,"I love it, too."
62743,190,9,6,Every messy chapter.
62744,190,9,6,I love that you slept with over 250 women before deciding that I was your favorite.
62745,190,9,6,This is killing me.
62746,190,9,6,"And I love that we just had to keep having s*x with each other, even when we were dating other people."
62747,190,9,6,This is really killing me.
62748,190,9,6,"And I love that your marriage proposal involved a strip club, lying to me, and pretending to bang the woman I hate for two months."
62749,190,9,6,I love that we keep a running tally of all the different rooms we've had s*x in.
62750,190,9,6,"I love that two weeks ago, we put this room on that list."
62751,190,9,6,"Huh? Come on, Rev."
62752,190,9,6,"That's got to be worth some kind of reaction, right?"
62753,190,9,6,"I mean, right where your hymnal is, is where we... we..."
62754,190,9,6,(laughs)
62755,190,9,6,"Well, that's not what you want."
62756,190,9,6,(crying and kissing)
62757,190,9,6,"(crying, sniffling, kissing)"
62758,190,9,6,"Um, are... are you okay?"
62759,190,9,6,I think... think maybe seeing your ex was a bit much for you.
62760,190,9,6,No. Not at all.
62761,190,9,6,I want... only you.
62762,190,9,6,"Oh, yeah."
62763,190,9,6,I want to... I want to rock your world.
62764,190,9,6,And you're so hot.
62765,190,9,6,(sniffling)
62766,190,9,6,I want to ride you like a bronco.
62767,190,9,6,(sobbing)
62768,190,9,6,"Okay, Cassie. Cassie."
62769,190,9,6,"Yeah, we... we can't do this."
62770,190,9,6,"I mean, you're crying."
62771,190,9,6,(coughing)
62772,190,9,6,And contagious.
62773,190,9,6,"You're-you're having a really, really bad week."
62774,190,9,6,I think... I think you should just take it easy.
62775,190,9,6,You're right.
62776,190,9,6,I'm not in a good place. No.
62777,190,9,6,"Oh, wow."
62778,190,9,6,I probably would have let you do all sorts of crazy things to me.
62779,190,9,6,(sighs)
62780,190,9,6,Exactly.
62781,190,9,6,I release you.
62782,190,9,6,Go have fun this weekend.
62783,190,9,6,Meet someone else.
62784,190,9,6,TED: Yes! Yes! Be cool.
62785,190,9,6,Okay.
62786,190,9,6,
62787,190,9,6,NARRATOR: But I couldn't meet someone else.
62788,190,9,6,"Hey, Ted? Yeah."
62789,190,9,6,Everyone here is saying you and Cassie are the couple of the weekend.
62790,190,9,6,How great is that?
62791,190,9,6,NARRATOR: Barney was right.
62792,190,9,6,"I'd chosen poorly, everyone had seen us together, and now the whole weekend seemed lost."
62793,190,9,6,Until...
62794,190,9,6,Hi. I just got here.
62795,190,9,6,Did I miss anything?
62796,190,9,6,"Not at all. Grace, right?"
62797,190,9,6,I'm Ted. Let's get you a drink before you talk to anyone else or hear anything.
62798,190,9,6,"Hey, guys. How's your night going?"
62799,190,9,6,Ugh! Ugh!
62800,190,9,6,Our minister just died.
62801,190,9,6,"Wh...? We can still use the church, but we only have two days to find a new officiant."
62802,190,9,6,Unless...
62803,190,9,6,BARNEY: Wedding at Bernie's!
62804,190,9,6,We're not doing Wedding at Bernie's!
62805,190,9,6,"Wow. Oh, that's terrible."
62806,190,9,6,Should I make a toast in his honor?
62807,190,9,6,(whispers): No.
62808,190,9,6,Of course I should.
62809,190,9,6,Everyone?
62810,190,9,6,To Reverend Lowell.
62811,190,9,6,"He may have passed away tonight, but he will always..."
62812,190,9,6,Uncle Robert died?!
62813,190,9,6,"Oh, no."
62814,190,9,6,(crying)
62815,190,9,6,(high-pitched crying)
62816,190,9,6,(sobbing)
62817,190,9,6,Have a nice weekend.
62818,190,9,6,"NARRATOR: All that night, I did nothing but choose poorly."
62819,190,9,6,"But thanks to Cassie, I didn't get together with anyone at that wedding."
62820,190,9,6,"And if I had, well, then, your mother and I might never have met."
62821,190,9,6,"So, maybe, in a way, I chose wisely."
62822,190,9,6,SOPHIA: Boo-uh! Boo-uh! Eee!
62823,190,9,6,"Although, it sure as heck didn't feel like it at the time."
62824,190,9,6,Aah! Aah! Aah!
62825,190,9,6,(sighs)
62826,190,9,6,She chose...
62827,190,9,6,Wesley.
62828,190,9,6,(chuckling)
62829,190,9,6,I've been dying to say that one all night.
62830,190,9,6,"Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you."
62831,190,9,6,"The truth is, you're right."
62832,190,9,6,It was wrong of me to take that job without telling Lily.
62833,190,9,6,I don't need to be tough with her. I need to be fair.
62834,190,9,6,"Thanks, Marshall. Mm."
62835,190,9,6,I should also apologize.
62836,190,9,6,"While you were filling the tank, I may have been so angry, I texted your wife with the news that you took that judge offer."
62837,190,9,6,(phone ringing)
62838,191,9,7,"NARRATOR: Kids, as you know, Lily and Marshall had decided to move to Rome after Barney and Robin's wedding."
62839,191,9,7,We're going to Italy.
62840,191,9,7,"Sì. But without telling Lily, Marshall had then accepted a judgeship in New York."
62841,191,9,7,Good luck with that... Your Honor.
62842,191,9,7,Until his always-helpful road trip companion Daphne had selflessly (phone ringing)
62843,191,9,7,come to his aid.
62844,191,9,7,You texted Lily that I took the job?
62845,191,9,7,You're welcome.
62846,191,9,7,"You were torturing yourself figuring out how to tell her, I just broke the ice for you."
62847,191,9,7,I was standing on that ice.
62848,191,9,7,"Now I'm gonna be bobbing, facedown on a frigid creek."
62849,191,9,7,I do not need to know the nasty way you apologize to your wife.
62850,191,9,7,And frigid? Maybe you're just doing it wrong.
62851,191,9,7,"Hi, baby."
62852,191,9,7,I can't believe you did this behind my back.
62853,191,9,7,"I know, I should have talked to you."
62854,191,9,7,"Thanks to you, we are stuck all weekend in the room with a ghost in it."
62855,191,9,7,Room with a...?
62856,191,9,7,We got 13?
62857,191,9,7,The room that's haunted by the ghost of Captain Dearduff?
62858,191,9,7,Who got the who with the what now?
62859,191,9,7,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x07 ♪
62860,191,9,7,No Questions Asked
62861,191,9,7,"Original Air Date on October 28, 2013"
62862,191,9,7,"NARRATOR: Marshall had recently discovered that the Farhampton Inn was featured in an episode of The Ghost Network's original series,"
62863,191,9,7,True & Real Ghost Stories of the Supernatural.
62864,191,9,7,"Ooh, there, see?"
62865,191,9,7,The Farhampton Inn.
62866,191,9,7,I told you it sounded familiar.
62867,191,9,7,"TV NARRATOR: In 1843, the streets of Farhampton, Long Island were stalked by a vicious killer named Captain Blazeby Dearduff."
62868,191,9,7,"Dubbed ""Dearduff the Hooker,"" he murdered dozens of unwary travelers with his sharpened hook."
62869,191,9,7,Ironically that hook would prove Dearduff's own undoing
62870,191,9,7,(laughing maniacally)
62871,191,9,7,one wintry night in room 13 of the Farhampton Inn.
62872,191,9,7,(fly buzzing)
62873,191,9,7,(grunting)
62874,191,9,7,(yells)
62875,191,9,7,Uh-oh.
62876,191,9,7,"He was found the next morning, frozen to death."
62877,191,9,7,MAN: Boom!
62878,191,9,7,Some say you can still hear Captain Dearduff's cries coming from room 13.
62879,191,9,7,Cold.
62880,191,9,7,So cold.
62881,191,9,7,Help me... help me...
62882,191,9,7,"MAN: We can see you, Ron."
62883,191,9,7,Some say you can still hear the thump of his peg and the scrape of his hook.
62884,191,9,7,Others say Dearduff the Hooker was just a popular male prostitute who murdered no one and died of syphilis in 1848.
62885,191,9,7,Let's hear from some people who have actually survived a night in room 13.
62886,191,9,7,(thunder crashing)
62887,191,9,7,Did I see a ghost?
62888,191,9,7,Of course... WOMAN: Yes.
62889,191,9,7,There's...
62890,191,9,7,Are.
62891,191,9,7,...such thing as ghosts.
62892,191,9,7,(Dearduff laughing maniacally)
62893,191,9,7,"So, have you seen the ghost?"
62894,191,9,7,"Not yet, but that might just be because ghosts don't exist, Marshall!"
62895,191,9,7,So explain the night shirt we saw flying around our cabin in the Poconos.
62896,191,9,7,An owl got stuck in it.
62897,191,9,7,We saw it fly out the neck hole.
62898,191,9,7,"Yeah, the ghost of an owl that died in that cabin."
62899,191,9,7,"Plus it's a crappy room, but when I tried to complain..."
62900,191,9,7,The thermostat in my room is broken.
62901,191,9,7,The AC won't turn off.
62902,191,9,7,Ooh!
62903,191,9,7,Sounds like the work of Captain Dearduff.
62904,191,9,7,He brings with him the icy chill of death.
62905,191,9,7,So... bad luck there.
62906,191,9,7,Night-night.
62907,191,9,7,It sounds like you're using Captain Dearduff as an excuse for a crappy room.
62908,191,9,7,I beg your pardon.
62909,191,9,7,I did not get to be a 40-year-old night clerk by making excuses.
62910,191,9,7,"Now, if there is anything wrong with your room that isn't ghost-related, I'm more than happy to address it."
62911,191,9,7,"Okay, the Wi-Fi doesn't work."
62912,191,9,7,Ghosts interfere with electronic devices.
62913,191,9,7,The shower's leaking.
62914,191,9,7,Dearduff likes the sound of dripping.
62915,191,9,7,Reminds him of his bleeding victims.
62916,191,9,7,And the door won't lock.
62917,191,9,7,"Captain Dearduff doesn't want to... you know, be locked out of his room."
62918,191,9,7,Why would a locked door keep a ghost out?
62919,191,9,7,Can't he just walk through walls?
62920,191,9,7,Maybe he's afraid of rats.
62921,191,9,7,There are rats in the walls?
62922,191,9,7,No.
62923,191,9,7,"And the inn's booked up because of the wedding, so we can't change rooms."
62924,191,9,7,"Oh, that sucks."
62925,191,9,7,"I'm sorry, baby."
62926,191,9,7,"Hey... but if Dearduff does manifest, you know the proper way to harvest ectoplasm, right?"
62927,191,9,7,(phone beeps)
62928,191,9,7,"Hey, good news-- we're all set for the dove release."
62929,191,9,7,"The what? When we leave the church, they're gonna release a hundred doves."
62930,191,9,7,It's gonna be avi-wait-for-it-ary.
62931,191,9,7,Aviary!
62932,191,9,7,Oh.
62933,191,9,7,That might be a problem. Why?
62934,191,9,7,"Because when we leave the church, a few of the gun enthusiasts in my family are gonna fire a 21-gun salute."
62935,191,9,7,"(bells tolling, doves cooing)"
62936,191,9,7,"Hey, man."
62937,191,9,7,(gunfire)
62938,191,9,7,(dove cooing)
62939,191,9,7,"Oh, look-- one got away."
62940,191,9,7,(gunshot)
62941,191,9,7,Can't you guys just fire blanks?
62942,191,9,7,At a wedding?
62943,191,9,7,(laughing)
62944,191,9,7,"Yeah, that's romantic."
62945,191,9,7,(thunder rumbling)
62946,191,9,7,(thunder crashing)
62947,191,9,7,(thunder crashes)
62948,191,9,7,(screams)
62949,191,9,7,"(grunts, groans)"
62950,191,9,7,Ted!
62951,191,9,7,What the hell are you doing in my room?!
62952,191,9,7,Uh...
62953,191,9,7,NARRATOR: There was an explanation.
62954,191,9,7,"You see, after Marshall got off the phone with Lily, he'd called me."
62955,191,9,7,(phone rings)
62956,191,9,7,"Hey, buddy. What's up?"
62957,191,9,7,"Ted, listen, I need you to sneak into Lily's room, find her phone, and delete the last text she got."
62958,191,9,7,Why? What's...
62959,191,9,7,"Ted, I need you to do this no questions asked."
62960,191,9,7,"And as we both know, you owe me a ""No Questions Asked."""
62961,191,9,7,(phone rings)
62962,191,9,7,Hey.
62963,191,9,7,"TED: Hey. Listen, I need you to do something for me no questions asked, okay? What is it?"
62964,191,9,7,Meet me at the corner of 53rd and 8th.
62965,191,9,7,Bring your drill.
62966,191,9,7,(click)
62967,191,9,7,TED: Marshall.
62968,191,9,7,What the hell?
62969,191,9,7,How did you...
62970,191,9,7,No... questions... asked.
62971,191,9,7,I broke federal law drilling you out of that mailbox.
62972,191,9,7,"Hey, I was a man in need."
62973,191,9,7,"I know. You were a ""Priority Male."""
62974,191,9,7,You said you'd stop doing that joke after the editor of Bazooka Joe comics rejected it.
62975,191,9,7,That man is a comedy snob.
62976,191,9,7,"The point is, you owe me a ""No Questions Asked."""
62977,191,9,7,"Okay, okay! I'll delete the text."
62978,191,9,7,Thank you.
62979,191,9,7,I just have to figure out how to get into Lily's room.
62980,191,9,7,"Easy. The lock on her door is busted, so..."
62981,191,9,7,The drainpipe! What?
62982,191,9,7,"There's a drainpipe that runs up near her window, and, no big deal, I can totally climb it."
62983,191,9,7,I'll call you when it's done.
62984,191,9,7,Her door is unlock...
62985,191,9,7,(click)
62986,191,9,7,Uh...
62987,191,9,7,Marshall wanted me to check on you.
62988,191,9,7,He was worried that you might be scared all alone in the ghost room.
62989,191,9,7,Remind me to call you next time Marvin has a nightmare... you can calm him by bursting into his room with a chain saw and a hockey mask!
62990,191,9,7,"Sorry, I didn't want to knock in case you were already asleep, so I just climbed the drainpipe up to your window."
62991,191,9,7,"No big deal. Mm, opened the latch with this here coat hanger."
62992,191,9,7,"I would have called, but, uh... well, I didn't know if you'd have your phone handy."
62993,191,9,7,"Say, where is that old phone of yours?"
62994,191,9,7,"Ted, I am not scared, so why don't you head back to your room..."
62995,191,9,7,(thunder crashes)
62996,191,9,7,(screams): Oh... kay...
62997,191,9,7,"Why, I guess you can stay until I fall asleep, if it'll make you feel better?"
62998,191,9,7,(thunder crashes)
62999,191,9,7,"A-And... maybe if it'll make you feel even better, you can sing me a version of Marvin's lullaby?"
63000,191,9,7,Okay.
63001,191,9,7,Okay.
63002,191,9,7,"♪ Night-night, little Lily"
63003,191,9,7,"♪ No ifs, ands or buts"
63004,191,9,7,♪ No peg-legged ghost is waiting ♪
63005,191,9,7,♪ To hook out your guts.
63006,191,9,7,Ted!
63007,191,9,7,Sorry. Sorry.
63008,191,9,7,Nighty-night.
63009,191,9,7,(Ted humming lullaby)
63010,191,9,7,(continues humming lullaby)
63011,191,9,7,(continues humming)
63012,191,9,7,ETHEREAL VOICE (softly): Cold...
63013,191,9,7,So cold.
63014,191,9,7,Help me.
63015,191,9,7,Help me...
63016,191,9,7,"Oh, God, the Hooker's here! Ted, I am not gonna cheat on Robin."
63017,191,9,7,"But you're a hell of a best man for getting me one, buddy."
63018,191,9,7,Where is she?
63019,191,9,7,"All right, I'll take a lap dance."
63020,191,9,7,Can I borrow some sweatpants?
63021,191,9,7,"(whispers): Barney, what are you doing in there?"
63022,191,9,7,"Marshall asked me to do something for him, no questions asked."
63023,191,9,7,Sidebar-- I forgot to get my cousin David something for his bar mitzvah last week.
63024,191,9,7,Could you send the hooker to his room?
63025,191,9,7,"Wait, Marshall called you, too?"
63026,191,9,7,NARRATOR: Turns out I wasn't Marshall's first call.
63027,191,9,7,Can't you guys just fire blanks?
63028,191,9,7,At a wedding?
63029,191,9,7,(laughing)
63030,191,9,7,"Yeah, that's romantic."
63031,191,9,7,"I just wish I would've known about the guns. Well, I wish I'd known about the doves."
63032,191,9,7,That's the problem with us-- we don't think about checking in with the other person before doing something.
63033,191,9,7,"Honestly, I think that's what broke us up the first time."
63034,191,9,7,We're both... lone wolves... always off in our own worlds.
63035,191,9,7,That's not gonna work.
63036,191,9,7,"Not in a marriage, no."
63037,191,9,7,"What? Sorry, I was thinking about getting the doves little Kevlar tuxedos, but that's not gonna work... there's no time for a fitting."
63038,191,9,7,(phone rings)
63039,191,9,7,Hey.
63040,191,9,7,"Listen, I need you to get to Lily's phone without her seeing, and delete the last text she got."
63041,191,9,7,Why? What did you...
63042,191,9,7,And I need you to do it no questions asked.
63043,191,9,7,"As you'll recall, you owe me a ""No Questions Asked."""
63044,191,9,7,(phone rings)
63045,191,9,7,Hello?
63046,191,9,7,"Marshall, I need you to rush to the Macy's in Herald Square, find the utility closet on the third floor, and bring me the following things: a clean pair of underwear, a clean pair of pants, a box of moist towelettes, hand sanitizer, and a garbage bag, no questions asked."
63047,191,9,7,You deuced your pants.
63048,191,9,7,Never mind.
63049,191,9,7,"Ha. You didn't wind up helping me, so it doesn't count."
63050,191,9,7,"Yes, I'm the one Face! who should be embarrassed by that story."
63051,191,9,7,But that wasn't the time I meant.
63052,191,9,7,This was last fall.
63053,191,9,7,"Hey, I got here as fast as I could."
63054,191,9,7,"Are you okay? Yeah, fine."
63055,191,9,7,Th-These quacks said I was...
63056,191,9,7,(scoffs)
63057,191,9,7,"unfit to leave on my own. Blah, blah, blah."
63058,191,9,7,"""Danger to myself."" Blah, blah, blah."
63059,191,9,7,"""Whoever signs me out is legally responsible for my actions."""
63060,191,9,7,I just need you to sign me out.
63061,191,9,7,What the hell happened?
63062,191,9,7,Uh-uh!
63063,191,9,7,I said no questions asked.
63064,191,9,7,W...
63065,191,9,7,"Star, clover, horseshoe."
63066,191,9,7,"Barney, did you swallow real versions of all the Lucky Charms items?"
63067,191,9,7,No... questions... asked.
63068,191,9,7,Now come on. Let's hit the bar. I'm buying.
63069,191,9,7,I just won 50 bucks from a little Irish guy on a dare.
63070,191,9,7,"Fine, I'll delete the text."
63071,191,9,7,But how am I supposed to get into Lily's room?
63072,191,9,7,Easy. The lock on her door is busted...
63073,191,9,7,Air ducts! What?
63074,191,9,7,"I'll use the system of air ducts to get in her room, just like the bad guy in Die Hard."
63075,191,9,7,"Barney, Bruce Willis is not the bad guy in Die H..."
63076,191,9,7,"Not important. The point is, the door is not lock..."
63077,191,9,7,I'll call you when it's done.
63078,191,9,7,"ROBIN: Anyway, I was saying, I think we need to be better about talking to each other before doing stuff."
63079,191,9,7,Can't talk. Doing stuff.
63080,191,9,7,(grunting)
63081,191,9,7,(grate clatters)
63082,191,9,7,What is going on?
63083,191,9,7,(groans)
63084,191,9,7,"Barney, what are you doing in there?"
63085,191,9,7,"Uh, well, there is a story there."
63086,191,9,7,"It involves a trained Guatemalan kinkajou, a Bolshoi Ballet prima ballerina and Olympic gold medalist Duke Kahanamoku's surfboard."
63087,191,9,7,"Tell her, Ted."
63088,191,9,7,Uh... uh... uh... The kinkajou... the kinkajou...
63089,191,9,7,(knocking)
63090,191,9,7,"Oh, God, what is it now?"
63091,191,9,7,"Good evening, Ms. Aldrin."
63092,191,9,7,I didn't order room service.
63093,191,9,7,"It says right here, room 13."
63094,191,9,7,"Lobster, caviar, champagne."
63095,191,9,7,$400?!
63096,191,9,7,I didn't order any of this.
63097,191,9,7,Maybe Dearduff the Hooker ordered it.
63098,191,9,7,"Well, I'm not paying for room service the Hooker ordered!"
63099,191,9,7,"I've been there. LILY: Okay, you know what? I need to talk to the manager."
63100,191,9,7,"All right, where's that damn phone?"
63101,191,9,7,"You, too?!"
63102,191,9,7,(groans)
63103,191,9,7,(phone rings)
63104,191,9,7,"Hey. MARSHALL: Robin, I need you to delete the last text that Lily got before she sees it."
63105,191,9,7,"Bro, it's my wedding weekend."
63106,191,9,7,Just because you didn't know better than to take a naked selfie while you were in the coldest part of the country...
63107,191,9,7,"First, I'm an Eriksen."
63108,191,9,7,Cold has a plumping effect.
63109,191,9,7,"Second, you owe me a ""No Questions Asked."""
63110,191,9,7,"All right, I'm-I'm at the alley near 22nd and 2nd. Now what?"
63111,191,9,7,ROBIN: No questions asked. Tell me about that giant trout you and your dad caught ice-fishing that one time.
63112,191,9,7,"Well, it was more beast than trout."
63113,191,9,7,Fought us for three hours and nearly dragged us both into Lake Winnibigoshish.
63114,191,9,7,"It was this big, and..."
63115,191,9,7,(grunts)
63116,191,9,7,Hey.
63117,191,9,7,Run!
63118,191,9,7,"I never asked you who those weirdos were, why they kept calling you Night Falcon or even what was in those darts that they were blowing at us."
63119,191,9,7,"Your vision came back, didn't it?"
63120,191,9,7,(sighs)
63121,191,9,7,Wuss.
63122,191,9,7,"Fine, I'll take care of it."
63123,191,9,7,Just have to figure out how to get into Lily's room.
63124,191,9,7,Her door doesn't lock. You can just...
63125,191,9,7,Room service!
63126,191,9,7,"Night Falcon, you're a genius."
63127,191,9,7,I'll call you when it's done.
63128,191,9,7,"Why would he call you guys before me? Well, dude, you're not great in a crisis."
63129,191,9,7,What was that story you were prattling on about?
63130,191,9,7,What the hell is a kinkajou?
63131,191,9,7,"Okay, let's just find it before she gets back."
63132,191,9,7,"NIGHT CLERK: I'm sorry, ma'am."
63133,191,9,7,"You ordered it, so you have to pay for it."
63134,191,9,7,Not to mention the room damage you're responsible for.
63135,191,9,7,"I've got a report here: broken lock, faulty Wi-Fi, you've taken several items from the minibar..."
63136,191,9,7,There is no minibar.
63137,191,9,7,Stolen minibar.
63138,191,9,7,It's not here.
63139,191,9,7,"Well, where else would it be?"
63140,191,9,7,Okay.
63141,191,9,7,I think it's time I call my lawyer.
63142,191,9,7,Uh-oh.
63143,191,9,7,"Okay, we need to get to Lily's phone before she sees that text."
63144,191,9,7,I'm on it. Night Falcon is on it.
63145,191,9,7,Good thing I packed my unitard.
63146,191,9,7,(groans)
63147,191,9,7,(panting)
63148,191,9,7,"This is exactly what we always do, isn't it?"
63149,191,9,7,Yeah.
63150,191,9,7,We were both gonna bolt off and lone wolf it without telling the other person a thing.
63151,191,9,7,Why do we do that? I don't know.
63152,191,9,7,Maybe we're just incapable of working as a unit.
63153,191,9,7,(sighs)
63154,191,9,7,You know...
63155,191,9,7,I bet even lone wolves can learn to work together.
63156,191,9,7,I'd like to think so.
63157,191,9,7,They could build their little woodland den together.
63158,191,9,7,Roam together.
63159,191,9,7,Hunt together.
63160,191,9,7,Lure prey into a tight corner and...
63161,191,9,7,BOTH: Snap its limbs with our powerful jaws and watch the life drain from its eyes.
63162,191,9,7,BOTH: Aw...
63163,191,9,7,"Point is, we're gonna make a great team."
63164,191,9,7,We'll just need some practice.
63165,191,9,7,"Yeah. Yeah, let's prove that we believe in marriage by working together to help Marshall hide something from his wife."
63166,191,9,7,"ROBIN: First, we take position in the lobby."
63167,191,9,7,BARNEY: Then you cause a distraction.
63168,191,9,7,(silenced gunshot)
63169,191,9,7,(vase shatters)
63170,191,9,7,ROBIN: Then you send in a trained dove to grab Lily's phone.
63171,191,9,7,BARNEY: The dove drops the phone into your hand.
63172,191,9,7,You delete the text and toss it back on the counter.
63173,191,9,7,♪
63174,191,9,7,Wait.
63175,191,9,7,(sighs)
63176,191,9,7,It's absolutely insane...
63177,191,9,7,...how foolproof this plan is!
63178,191,9,7,Sometimes it's best to just go simple.
63179,191,9,7,Yep.
63180,191,9,7,(coughing)
63181,191,9,7,Wh-Why do you have a gun?
63182,191,9,7,Why do you always have a gun?
63183,191,9,7,(quietly): Where's Lily?
63184,191,9,7,She went up 20 minutes ago.
63185,191,9,7,You're kidding.
63186,191,9,7,"Courtney Dove, no!"
63187,191,9,7,I already lost Kurt Coo-bain!
63188,191,9,7,I can't lose you as well.
63189,191,9,7,Great. How are we gonna get Lily's phone back now?
63190,191,9,7,"Oh, I already took care of that."
63191,191,9,7,And now I'm rewarding myself with some of the inn's finest brandy.
63192,191,9,7,Bottoms up.
63193,191,9,7,"Well, thank you."
63194,191,9,7,"No, no, that's a warning."
63195,191,9,7,The dove's about to...
63196,191,9,7,(cooing)
63197,191,9,7,What happened?
63198,191,9,7,Well...
63199,191,9,7,I think it's time I call my lawyer.
63200,191,9,7,(phone ringing)
63201,191,9,7,"Hi, baby."
63202,191,9,7,"You are never gonna believe this, but... (phone chimes)"
63203,191,9,7,"Uh, someone sent me a text."
63204,191,9,7,"TED: Lily, stop!"
63205,191,9,7,Why?
63206,191,9,7,Because... because...
63207,191,9,7,
63208,191,9,7,NARRATOR: And that's when I realized that the answer had been there all along.
63209,191,9,7,Throw your phone on the ground and smash it with your foot.
63210,191,9,7,What? No. I need you to do this no questions asked.
63211,191,9,7,"You owe me a ""No Questions Asked."""
63212,191,9,7,"Hey, Lil. What's... Ted, I need you to come to my classroom right now with two dozen cupcakes and a box cutter."
63213,191,9,7,No questions asked.
63214,191,9,7,"Lily, I brought the..."
63215,191,9,7,"Oh-oh, my God."
63216,191,9,7,"Ted, put the cupcakes at the feet of their leader, then cut me loose."
63217,191,9,7,Don't make eye contact!
63218,191,9,7,(children chanting)
63219,191,9,7,Ted...
63220,191,9,7,No... questions... asked.
63221,191,9,7,(Lily stomping)
63222,191,9,7,"Well, interesting that I was the one who fixed everything even though Marshall called me... third. NARRATOR: Ninth, as I found out later, but I won't go into it."
63223,191,9,7,The important thing is what happened right after the untimely death of Lily's phone.
63224,191,9,7,So you're saying you didn't order room service and you didn't order
63225,191,9,7,Prison Sluts Nine?
63226,191,9,7,I am saying I did not order room service.
63227,191,9,7,It is done. By me.
63228,191,9,7,Your third call.
63229,191,9,7,"Actually, you were..."
63230,191,9,7,Thank you. H-How did you do it?
63231,191,9,7,"I called in a ""No Questions Asked"" with Lily."
63232,191,9,7,"But, wait, why didn't you do that?"
63233,191,9,7,"You must have, like, a million of those."
63234,191,9,7,And Marshall thought back.
63235,191,9,7,Hello?
63236,191,9,7,"Hey, baby, it's me."
63237,191,9,7,"Um, can you come bail me out of jail?"
63238,191,9,7,"I thought I saw Bigfoot in Central Park and so I tackled him, but it turned out to be Russell Brand."
63239,191,9,7,Hey...
63240,191,9,7,"Oh, do you mind looking up our vaccination records?"
63241,191,9,7,I tried to hug a raccoon.
63242,191,9,7,"Hey, babe, um, could you dig up our warranty?"
63243,191,9,7,"I took the TV apart, and I made a robot out of it."
63244,191,9,7,(phone rings)
63245,191,9,7,Hello?
63246,191,9,7,Hey.
63247,191,9,7,I tackled Russell Brand again.
63248,191,9,7,I've never asked Lily to do anything no questions asked because...
63249,191,9,7,I've never wanted to.
63250,191,9,7,She's the love of my life.
63251,191,9,7,I never keep anything from her.
63252,191,9,7,(sighs)
63253,191,9,7,"Ted, put Lily on the phone."
63254,191,9,7,Hey. It's Marshall.
63255,191,9,7,Want to tell me what's going on?
63256,191,9,7,Yes.
63257,191,9,7,I was offered a judgeship in New York.
63258,191,9,7,And I took it.
63259,191,9,7,Even though we already agreed to move to Rome.
63260,191,9,7,I'm gonna be a judge.
63261,191,9,7,Lily?
63262,191,9,7,"You know, Marshall, I don't believe in ghosts, and I'm not sure anyone died in our room, but someone's going to."
63263,191,9,7,(thunder rumbles)
63264,191,9,7,(Dearduff laughing manically)
63265,191,9,7,"""And I see in your eyes the emerald reef,[/i] sof the primordial seas afrot,[/i] hwith the first stirrings of life, ""infinite in mystery and miracle."
63266,191,9,7,"""Forever yours, ""the guy you met at the drugstore an hour ago."
63267,191,9,7,"""I heard you give your address to the pharmacist while I was buying foot powder."""
63268,191,9,7,Yeah.
63269,191,9,7,Mailed it.
63270,191,9,7,(grunting)
63271,191,9,7,"No! No! No, no!"
63272,192,9,8,"NARRATOR: Kids, Barney's mom had this blouse that she absolutely loved, but then Robin won it in a poker game, which led to some slight awkwardness."
63273,192,9,8,You won the battle... but I'll win the war.
63274,192,9,8,"Game on, bitch."
63275,192,9,8,"BARNEY: Please, Mom, I need you to just be cool."
63276,192,9,8,"Okay, can you do that for me?"
63277,192,9,8,"For you, yes."
63278,192,9,8,And for Robin?
63279,192,9,8,(scoffs)
63280,192,9,8,She's gonna be your daughter in 33 hours.
63281,192,9,8,Daughter in law.
63282,192,9,8,Making it illegal for you not to treat her like a daughter.
63283,192,9,8,In-lawyered.
63284,192,9,8,"Please, Mom."
63285,192,9,8,All Robin wants to do is put this whole thing behind her so she can get married and put this whole thing behind her.
63286,192,9,8,Ah! Get-this-over-with-quickly so-we-can move-past-how-awkward-it-was that-I-just-said-that five!
63287,192,9,8,"Fine. If Robin's ready to bury the hatchet, then I guess I'm ready to bury the hatchet."
63288,192,9,8,"Morning, bitches. Like my new blouse?"
63289,192,9,8,"Oh, hell, no!"
63290,192,9,8,"No, Mom. Mom!"
63291,192,9,8,"Hey, hey, hey, hey!"
63292,192,9,8,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x08 ♪
63293,192,9,8,The Lighthouse
63294,192,9,8,"Original Air Date on November 4, 2013"
63295,192,9,8,"NARRATOR: Kids, not far from the Farhampton Inn, there's a lighthouse."
63296,192,9,8,"It's a really special place, and that morning I wanted to see it for myself."
63297,192,9,8,There was just one problem.
63298,192,9,8,"Look, I'm sorry, Ted, but-but I can't in good faith send a lonely guy like yourself to the top of a very romantic, and more to the point, a very tall lighthouse."
63299,192,9,8,"(whistles, blows raspberry)"
63300,192,9,8,"I don't want your blood on my hands, and I mean that literally, because it would be my job to... to hose down the rocks."
63301,192,9,8,"NARRATOR: Now, late the night before, thanks to Marshall's travel companion, Daphne, Lily had received some unsettling news."
63302,192,9,8,I'm gonna be a judge.
63303,192,9,8,NARRATOR: Screwing up their whole plan to move to Italy.
63304,192,9,8,She wasn't happy.
63305,192,9,8,"Yes, I'm in a rotten mood."
63306,192,9,8,"No, I don't want to talk about it."
63307,192,9,8,"Yes, this has booze in it."
63308,192,9,8,"No, it's not my first."
63309,192,9,8,You want to make this brunch a drunch?
63310,192,9,8,"You do you, I'm not gonna judge."
63311,192,9,8,I'm gonna be a judge.
63312,192,9,8,Judge.
63313,192,9,8,"Thank you, Linus."
63314,192,9,8,"NARRATOR: As for Marshall and Daphne, they got caught in that big storm."
63315,192,9,8,"Luckily, they had a place to crash for the night."
63316,192,9,8,My childhood home.
63317,192,9,8,"Okay, that sign might not have been there."
63318,192,9,8,"Thank you so much for letting us stay the night, Mrs. Mosby."
63319,192,9,8,"Oh, it's our pleasure."
63320,192,9,8,I'm just glad that storm has passed. Oh.
63321,192,9,8,"But there's one storm that hasn't passed, isn't there, Marshall?"
63322,192,9,8,"Hey, Clint."
63323,192,9,8,"CLINT: You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Marshall?"
63324,192,9,8,"I'm talking about the one that's been raining cats and dogs all over this-this, this friendship."
63325,192,9,8,This isn't a friendship.
63326,192,9,8,Oh.
63327,192,9,8,Nice.
63328,192,9,8,We're reluctant travel companions.
63329,192,9,8,"Well, little known fact about me."
63330,192,9,8,I'm an almost-graduate of the Conflict Resolution program over at... at Tri-C.
63331,192,9,8,I even had my own practice at Van Aken Plaza before the manager of the Wendy's made me stop hogging the booth.
63332,192,9,8,"The point is, I can fix this."
63333,192,9,8,"Oh, I don't know, Clint."
63334,192,9,8,(strums upbeat melody)
63335,192,9,8,♪ Gonna resolve some conflicts
63336,192,9,8,♪ Gonna resolve some conflicts ♪
63337,192,9,8,♪ Gonna make a deeper understanding ♪
63338,192,9,8,♪ Through mediation.
63339,192,9,8,"Okay, you know what? We have to hit the road."
63340,192,9,8,"But, um, Mrs. Mosby, do you mind if I take this mug?"
63341,192,9,8,I would very much like to make fun of Ted next time I see him.
63342,192,9,8,Of course.
63343,192,9,8,"You know, when Ted was seven, he and his best friend took this Wild West photo together at Geauga Lake."
63344,192,9,8,I could go look for it.
63345,192,9,8,We really should get going.
63346,192,9,8,His best friend was a balloon.
63347,192,9,8,What's a few more minutes?
63348,192,9,8,"Yeah, you're gonna want that."
63349,192,9,8,So... what's everyone doing this morning?
63350,192,9,8,"Oh, well, I kind of feel like playing some tennis."
63351,192,9,8,Maybe we should reserve a court.
63352,192,9,8,Court.
63353,192,9,8,"Thank you, Linus."
63354,192,9,8,"Pancakes and eggs, Robin?"
63355,192,9,8,I guess that blouse won't be loose and flowy for long.
63356,192,9,8,Mom...
63357,192,9,8,"Keep talking, Loretta."
63358,192,9,8,I've been waiting all morning to... ketchup.
63359,192,9,8,Oops.
63360,192,9,8,You're not supposed to put ketchup on scrambled eggs.
63361,192,9,8,"Right, Loretta, because you're the queen of scrambled eggs."
63362,192,9,8,"BARNEY: Actually, that's exactly what she is."
63363,192,9,8,"When Mom was a groupie in the '70s, her scrambled eggs made her the darling of the MSG loading dock."
63364,192,9,8,Lot of songs written about those scrambled eggs.
63365,192,9,8,"ZZ Top's ""She's Got Legs""?"
63366,192,9,8,"Originally ""She's Got Eggs."""
63367,192,9,8,Led Zeppelin?
63368,192,9,8,"""Scramble On."""
63369,192,9,8,Steve Miller?
63370,192,9,8,"""The Yolker."""
63371,192,9,8,If you listen to Pink Floyd's
63372,192,9,8,"Dark Side of the Moon while eating her eggs, it lines up perfectly."
63373,192,9,8,"While I'm sure it was your mother's cooking skills that made her so popular with Zed Zed Top and their ilk, I know for a fact that she does not make the best scrambled eggs."
63374,192,9,8,Because my mom makes the best scrambled eggs.
63375,192,9,8,(gasps)
63376,192,9,8,"NARRATOR: Kids, we've known your Aunt Robin for eight years at that point, and here's what we knew about her mom."
63377,192,9,8,My mom is terrified of flying.
63378,192,9,8,(bell dings)
63379,192,9,8,My mom got stung by a jellyfish.
63380,192,9,8,(bell dings)
63381,192,9,8,My mom makes the best scrambled eggs.
63382,192,9,8,(bell dings)
63383,192,9,8,NARRATOR: And... that's everything.
63384,192,9,8,"In fact, she should be here any minute."
63385,192,9,8,"Barney, maybe she can cook you some real scrambled eggs so you can see what you've been missing."
63386,192,9,8,"Don't do this, Robin. You can't win the egg war."
63387,192,9,8,"Canadian scrambled eggs, how quaint."
63388,192,9,8,Does your mom put maple syrup on them?
63389,192,9,8,"Ha, ha, ha, this is all very friendly."
63390,192,9,8,(whispering): Get out of this now.
63391,192,9,8,Why not? We put maple syrup on everything else.
63392,192,9,8,BARNEY: Aw.
63393,192,9,8,That's it!
63394,192,9,8,We need your omelet station.
63395,192,9,8,My son's fiancée is about to get served... some delicious scrambled eggs.
63396,192,9,8,Or I could go out to the driveway and eat some gravel.
63397,192,9,8,(soft grunt)
63398,192,9,8,Wait. Sorry. Did you say gravel or gavel?
63399,192,9,8,Gravel. Why would I say gavel?
63400,192,9,8,Gavel.
63401,192,9,8,(sighs)
63402,192,9,8,"Thank you, Linus."
63403,192,9,8,"Curtis, can I please have a map to the lighthouse?"
63404,192,9,8,It's a very romantic lighthouse.
63405,192,9,8,I can't even have a map?
63406,192,9,8,It's a very romantic map.
63407,192,9,8,I can't let you go without a date.
63408,192,9,8,Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
63409,192,9,8,What happened to that girl Cassie? Cassie?
63410,192,9,8,NARRATOR: Cassie was the girl I'd spent the entire previous night consoling.
63411,192,9,8,Just consoling.
63412,192,9,8,"Yeah, that's not happening."
63413,192,9,8,"NARRATOR: And then, in her anger, Lily gave me a piece of advice about which she would later say..."
63414,192,9,8,"Oh, mama, that was some bad advice."
63415,192,9,8,"Okay, here's why you're an idiot."
63416,192,9,8,Did you find Cassie attractive?
63417,192,9,8,I guess.
63418,192,9,8,Is she a relatively normal height?
63419,192,9,8,Yeah. So end up with her already.
63420,192,9,8,"God, do you really think that you're gonna find some perfect girl who checks off every item on your list?"
63421,192,9,8,"Well, not every item."
63422,192,9,8,"I mean, she doesn't have to share my love for coins."
63423,192,9,8,"Although it would be nice, just once, not to have to go stag to Coin-Con."
63424,192,9,8,"Pull your head out of your ass, Mosby."
63425,192,9,8,Do you think Marshall always makes me happy?
63426,192,9,8,"I mean, sometimes being with him is a real trial."
63427,192,9,8,Real trial.
63428,192,9,8,Huh.
63429,192,9,8,Did it to myself that time.
63430,192,9,8,"Look, Ted, it's time to settle."
63431,192,9,8,Take this normal-sized chick up to the lighthouse and fall in love with her and quit bothering us with your dumb love life stuff.
63432,192,9,8,"God, I am so sick of being smarter than everyone else."
63433,192,9,8,"You're slipping, Linus."
63434,192,9,8,We're running out of glasses.
63435,192,9,8,Do you want to just go to the stupid lighthouse?
63436,192,9,8,"Ooh, zitch dog."
63437,192,9,8,Cocker spaniel in the Jetta.
63438,192,9,8,"That's Marshall Eriksen-- 28, Daphne-- zero."
63439,192,9,8,"For the 28th time, I'm not playing your stupid game!"
63440,192,9,8,"Oh, stupid, huh?"
63441,192,9,8,That's great.
63442,192,9,8,I guess Daphne gets to pick the music and crap all over my fun road-trip games.
63443,192,9,8,"(sighs) You know, maybe Clint was right."
63444,192,9,8,Maybe we do need conflict resolution.
63445,192,9,8,I knew you guys would come around.
63446,192,9,8,(Daphne and Marshall screaming)
63447,192,9,8,NARRATOR: And so I made up my mind to settle for Cassie.
63448,192,9,8,"So, um, what kind of music do you like?"
63449,192,9,8,Hmm... nothing.
63450,192,9,8,"NARRATOR: Still, I felt optimistic."
63451,192,9,8,"After all, Cassie was cute and single and heck, it's not like the universe was telling us we shouldn't be together."
63452,192,9,8,Here we are. Enjoy.
63453,192,9,8,"Remember: happy wife, happy life."
63454,192,9,8,Pretend they're just okay.
63455,192,9,8,"Please, Lily, I think I can manage to..."
63456,192,9,8,"Oh, my God."
63457,192,9,8,"I'm eight years old again, and life is perfect, and I haven't peed my shorts in front of 350 Webelos at the Pinewood Derby Regionals in Wheeling, West Virginia."
63458,192,9,8,"I'm sorry, Robin."
63459,192,9,8,"What do you think, Lily?"
63460,192,9,8,"Oh, my God, they are so delicious."
63461,192,9,8,"Even more delicious than finding out Barney peed himself at the Pinewood Derby Regionals in Wheeling, West Virginia."
63462,192,9,8,"I'm sorry, Robin."
63463,192,9,8,"Mmm. Come on, they can't be that good."
63464,192,9,8,Oh!
63465,192,9,8,"Excuse me, Mrs. Stinson, some of our guests smelled your scrambled eggs and were wondering if you could make some for them as well."
63466,192,9,8,"(laughing): Oh, I don't think I should..."
63467,192,9,8,CROWD (chanting): Eggs! Eggs! Eggs! Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!
63468,192,9,8,Eggs! Eggs!
63469,192,9,8,(sighs)
63470,192,9,8,"Clint, what are you doing here?"
63471,192,9,8,What the Ohio State Board of Holistic Medicine has repeatedly told me I'm in no way qualified to do: my job.
63472,192,9,8,"When I see a conflict needs resolving, I must act."
63473,192,9,8,"Plus, Ted's mom wanted me out of the house."
63474,192,9,8,"So, today, we're gonna build a new paradigm of understanding, and then you're gonna swoop me on back to Shaker Heights."
63475,192,9,8,"Oh, I need to stop at Record Rev on Coventry."
63476,192,9,8,My vaporizer's ready.
63477,192,9,8,"Marshall, pull over and dump this hippie on the side of the road."
63478,192,9,8,I can't do that.
63479,192,9,8,CLINT: ♪ Gonna resolve some conflicts ♪
63480,192,9,8,♪ Gonna resolve some conflicts Daphne picks the music.
63481,192,9,8,♪ Gonna end this argument
63482,192,9,8,♪ Between Marshall and his mistress. ♪
63483,192,9,8,"Oh, come on. Daphne picks the music!"
63484,192,9,8,Ow! Stupid racecar!
63485,192,9,8,This is why children should not have toys!
63486,192,9,8,"Look, maybe this lighthouse thing isn't such a good idea."
63487,192,9,8,"No, you don't."
63488,192,9,8,"You committed, and so did I, so let's go."
63489,192,9,8,Oh. Ow! Oh!
63490,192,9,8,"Actually, it's feeling better."
63491,192,9,8,(laughs)
63492,192,9,8,"Ow! Oh! No, it's not."
63493,192,9,8,Oh. (whimpering)
63494,192,9,8,"Mom, I don't know why your phone is off."
63495,192,9,8,Maybe you left your charger in the pickup truck.
63496,192,9,8,(bell dings)
63497,192,9,8,But I need you to get here as fast possible.
63498,192,9,8,I know you're probably gonna want to take a hot bath when you get in.
63499,192,9,8,(bell dings)
63500,192,9,8,She fits in a bathtub.
63501,192,9,8,That's good news. Unless...
63502,192,9,8,"Oh, God, how big are Canadian bathtubs?"
63503,192,9,8,(bell dings)
63504,192,9,8,LORETTA: People ever line up like this for your mom's eggs?
63505,192,9,8,"Loretta, even I could make better eggs than this."
63506,192,9,8,"Oh, I'd love it if you'd come teach me how to make scrambled eggs."
63507,192,9,8,"It's a scramble-off, everybody!"
63508,192,9,8,A scramble-off to the death!
63509,192,9,8,Someone go watch for the cops!
63510,192,9,8,Maybe we should have read up on this town before booking our wedding.
63511,192,9,8,"Let's do some, ""When you... I feel."""
63512,192,9,8,"All right, for example, when you don't do trust falls, I feel like you should do trust falls."
63513,192,9,8,So just do the damn trust falls.
63514,192,9,8,"I'm driving a car, Clint."
63515,192,9,8,"Okay, uh, Daphne, when you sa,[/i] yDrill, baby, drill"" every time that we pass a gas station, I feel invalidated."
63516,192,9,8,"Marshall, when you talk, I feel shut up!"
63517,192,9,8,"That's very good, both of you."
63518,192,9,8,Really? Both of us?
63519,192,9,8,Name one energy that's better than oil.
63520,192,9,8,"Wind, solar, hydroelectric."
63521,192,9,8,"You see what I've been dealing with, Clint?"
63522,192,9,8,♪ The sticky petroleum clings... ♪
63523,192,9,8,"Please not now, Clint."
63524,192,9,8,♪ To the pelican's broken wings ♪
63525,192,9,8,"♪ Hey, Mr. Oilman, what have you done... ♪"
63526,192,9,8,"Stop, stop, stop, please. Enough! Clint, (Marvin crying) I'm tired of your beard and I'm tired of this stupid therapy session. And I'm tired of the way that your songs have a-a laxative effect on Marvin!"
63527,192,9,8,"And on me. Every time Clint starts singing, I just got to go. Yeah."
63528,192,9,8,"It's like, uh, the only trust fall when you sing is that I ""trust"" that a piece of poop is gonna ""fall"" out of my son's butt."
63529,192,9,8,(laughs)
63530,192,9,8,"Hey, Clint, how about that?"
63531,192,9,8,You got us to agree on something. Yeah.
63532,192,9,8,We both think you're a loser.
63533,192,9,8,(laughs)
63534,192,9,8,This therapy works.
63535,192,9,8,No!
63536,192,9,8,That is not the way therapy works at all!
63537,192,9,8,Do you think this is some kind of a joke?!
63538,192,9,8,This is my career!
63539,192,9,8,I will not go back to coaching the Browns!
63540,192,9,8,Why can't people take what I do seriously?!
63541,192,9,8,God!
63542,192,9,8,(grunting)
63543,192,9,8,(Marvin crying)
63544,192,9,8,"(strained): Oh, my God. One more."
63545,192,9,8,"Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, my God."
63546,192,9,8,(panting)
63547,192,9,8,"God, that was a lot of stairs. I'm exhausted."
63548,192,9,8,My chest is on fire.
63549,192,9,8,Oh.
63550,192,9,8,"Ooh! So, Mr. Arch-itect, what do we do now?"
63551,192,9,8,Fall in love or something?
63552,192,9,8,
63553,192,9,8,"NARRATOR: And, kids, as I stood on that lighthouse and looked at that girl, I felt something happen inside me, something that had only happened one other time in my entire adult life."
63554,192,9,8,(retches)
63555,192,9,8,"ROBIN: Okay, scrambled eggs."
63556,192,9,8,Here we go.
63557,192,9,8,Where is the egg opener?
63558,192,9,8,Never mind. I'll pre-scramble them. It's fine.
63559,192,9,8,"Okay, fine, Loretta. You know what? You win."
63560,192,9,8,I don't know how to cook egg.
63561,192,9,8,"If you don't even know how to make scrambled eggs, I just worry what kind of breakfast you're gonna be serving my grandchildren."
63562,192,9,8,"Well, lucky you because that is one thing you won't ever have to worry about."
63563,192,9,8,"Mom, Robin can't have kids."
63564,192,9,8,"Every single job I take on, it's always the same!"
63565,192,9,8,"""The coffee maker has to stay in the office, Clint!"""
63566,192,9,8,"""You still have to wear pants on Casual Friday, Clint!"""
63567,192,9,8,"""We didn't hire you, Clint!"""
63568,192,9,8,"Well, God, I'm-I'm..."
63569,192,9,8,I'm just sick of it. I'm si...
63570,192,9,8,"Ow. Ow. Oh, I can hear my blood right now."
63571,192,9,8,I'm having an attack. I'm having a blood attack.
63572,192,9,8,A blood attack?
63573,192,9,8,Yeah. Pull over. I need... I-I need to meditate.
63574,192,9,8,I got to get my heart rate down. I'll... Ow! Pull over.
63575,192,9,8,We're in the middle of nowhere. Pull over!
63576,192,9,8,"Zitch dog, Labradoodle in a Ford Fusion! Ow!"
63577,192,9,8,God...
63578,192,9,8,Robin can't have kids?
63579,192,9,8,But you always wanted children.
63580,192,9,8,"No, I always liked children."
63581,192,9,8,I've always wanted a Lamborghini where there's a hot tub inside.
63582,192,9,8,"God, I wish that existed."
63583,192,9,8,So no grandkids.
63584,192,9,8,How long have you known about this?
63585,192,9,8,I found out last fall.
63586,192,9,8,Robin and I had been hanging out downtown at this very cool secret bar.
63587,192,9,8,(dance music playing)
63588,192,9,8,What a lovely place!
63589,192,9,8,Have you ever had sushi that fresh?
63590,192,9,8,"Okay, I am never getting on a mechanical bull again."
63591,192,9,8,(chuckles)
63592,192,9,8,I can't believe Marshall and Lily missed out.
63593,192,9,8,"Promise me, if you ever have kids, you'll sometimes get a babysitter and come have an epic night."
63594,192,9,8,"Oh, and, P.S., bring the babysitter, she sounds dirty."
63595,192,9,8,"Actually, I, uh, I can't have kids, so that's not an issue."
63596,192,9,8,Really?
63597,192,9,8,Yeah.
63598,192,9,8,Is it weird that I'm hugging you like this?
63599,192,9,8,"No, it's not weird."
63600,192,9,8,"Now it's weird. Mm-hmm. Yep, the rain makes it weird."
63601,192,9,8,"Mom, I'm not marrying some future possibility of starting a family."
63602,192,9,8,I'm marrying a girl.
63603,192,9,8,Who means more to me than kids.
63604,192,9,8,Or my career.
63605,192,9,8,"Or even the Lambor-cuzzi, patent pending."
63606,192,9,8,So please...
63607,192,9,8,...be nice to her?
63608,192,9,8,DAPHNE: This is ridiculous.
63609,192,9,8,Get out there and drag Clint's downward-facing ass back in here so we can get going.
63610,192,9,8,Just let him do his thing.
63611,192,9,8,(sighs)
63612,192,9,8,Do you know why the Daphnes of the world always get to pick the music and the Marshalls pay all the tolls?
63613,192,9,8,"Because the Marshalls are so concerned with letting everybody do their thing, and the Daphnes are taking care of Daphne."
63614,192,9,8,"You can talk to me about solar or wind or hydro-whatever, but the world is always gonna push you around, Marshall."
63615,192,9,8,Until you learn to go nuclear.
63616,192,9,8,(tribal drums playing)
63617,192,9,8,(starts engine)
63618,192,9,8,What are you doing?
63619,192,9,8,(tribal drums playing)
63620,192,9,8,Is this real?
63621,192,9,8,Are you doing this?
63622,192,9,8,We need some driving music.
63623,192,9,8,No!
63624,192,9,8,(sucks air through teeth)
63625,192,9,8,You threw a live grenade into my marriage.
63626,192,9,8,You screwed up my whole world.
63627,192,9,8,So from now on... we listen to my music.
63628,192,9,8,♪ But I would walk 500 miles
63629,192,9,8,♪ And I would walk 500 more...
63630,192,9,8,I hate this song.
63631,192,9,8,Give it time.
63632,192,9,8,"Zitch dog, beagle in a Beetle."
63633,192,9,8,Don't let Loretta get to you.
63634,192,9,8,"Hey, when your mom gets here, do you want to all go--"
63635,192,9,8,I don't know... avoid jellyfish?
63636,192,9,8,She's not coming.
63637,192,9,8,What?
63638,192,9,8,I finally got a hold of her.
63639,192,9,8,"She, um, never got on the plane."
63640,192,9,8,She was too scared.
63641,192,9,8,She won't be at her daughter's wedding.
63642,192,9,8,(bell dings)
63643,192,9,8,"(""Try a Little Tenderness"" by Otis Redding playing)"
63644,192,9,8,If that is the case... can we tell Barney she's super fat?
63645,192,9,8,It would mean the world to me.
63646,192,9,8,(chuckles)
63647,192,9,8,Of course.
63648,192,9,8,"Oh, here we go."
63649,192,9,8,"Listen, Robin... Loretta, not now. Robin just found out her mom's not coming to the wedding."
63650,192,9,8,Oh.
63651,192,9,8,"Well, uh, okay."
63652,192,9,8,Loretta...
63653,192,9,8,My name's Mom.
63654,192,9,8,Don't you ever call me anything else.
63655,192,9,8,I'm Mom.
63656,192,9,8,Okay.
63657,192,9,8,Mom.
63658,192,9,8,I'm sorry. Sometimes I get...
63659,192,9,8,...carried away.
63660,192,9,8,"Your eggs are great, by the way."
63661,192,9,8,"LILY: Oh, mama, that was some bad advice."
63662,192,9,8,"Thanks, Lil."
63663,192,9,8,But you know what sucks?
63664,192,9,8,"When I was at the top of that lighthouse, despite everything else..."
63665,192,9,8,Wow. It's like traveling back in time.
63666,192,9,8,Just stop talking.
63667,192,9,8,(sighs)
63668,192,9,8,...it was breathtaking.
63669,192,9,8,And I wasted it.
63670,192,9,8,"I mean, how many places have I ruined forever by being there with the wrong girl?"
63671,192,9,8,So come back with the right girl.
63672,192,9,8,I don't know.
63673,192,9,8,I'm starting to think a person gets a certain allotment of lighthouses per lifetime.
63674,192,9,8,And I've used all mine up.
63675,192,9,8,"NARRATOR: And that, kids, is the kind of stupid thing you say before you've met the person who hits the reset button on the world, who makes everything new again, who makes it seem ridiculous that you ever considered settling, because not two years later..."
63676,192,9,8,Look at that.
63677,192,9,8,It's like traveling back in time.
63678,192,9,8,That is exactly what I said.
63679,192,9,8,(chuckles)
63680,192,9,8,Why couldn't it have been you here with me two years ago?
63681,192,9,8,That's probably for the best.
63682,192,9,8,"When you vomit, I vomit."
63683,192,9,8,You know that.
63684,192,9,8,"(chuckles) Well, thanks for being here with me now."
63685,192,9,8,Thanks for bringing me.
63686,192,9,8,Wow.
63687,192,9,8,It is just bonkers beautiful here.
63688,192,9,8,I don't know how you could improve on a day like this.
63689,192,9,8,"Well, I'm gonna try."
63690,192,9,8,Whoa.
63691,192,9,8,Will you...
63692,192,9,8,Yes.
63693,192,9,8,You didn't even let me...
63694,192,9,8,Yes.
63695,192,9,8,Marry me?
63696,192,9,8,"Yes, yes, yes, yes."
63697,192,9,8,"Yes, yes... yes."
63698,192,9,8,(chuckles)
63699,192,9,8,"♪ Just try, try a little tenderness ♪"
63700,192,9,8,"♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to"
63701,192,9,8,"♪ Know how to love her, man"
63702,192,9,8,"♪ Take this advice, man"
63703,192,9,8,♪ You got to squeeze her
63704,192,9,8,♪ Don't tease her. ♪
63705,192,9,8,(inhales deeply)
63706,192,9,8,(exhales)
63707,193,9,9,TED: I can't believe your mom's not coming to the wedding?
63708,193,9,9,"Okay, seriously, I-I need to stop crying Does anyone know how to turn this off?"
63709,193,9,9,"Is there, like, a button or something?"
63710,193,9,9,Want me to feel around for it?
63711,193,9,9,It's probably somewhere on your back.
63712,193,9,9,Stop it. What? I'm trying to cheer you up.
63713,193,9,9,I don't think that's possible at this point.
63714,193,9,9,Challenge accepted!
63715,193,9,9,"No, Barney, I just need to get myself to stop crying, that's all."
63716,193,9,9,Boogity-boo!
63717,193,9,9,"Lily, what the hell?! It's not the hiccups."
63718,193,9,9,I was just going on a hunch.
63719,193,9,9,(hiccups)
63720,193,9,9,And now I have the hiccups.
63721,193,9,9,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x09 ♪
63722,193,9,9,Platonish
63723,193,9,9,"Original Air Date on November 11, 2013"
63724,193,9,9,"Look, guys, just, seriously, don't worry about me, okay?"
63725,193,9,9,Just let me deal with this on my own.
63726,193,9,9,"I'm afraid that's not possible, Robin."
63727,193,9,9,"Once I've accepted a challenge, it cannot be unaccepted."
63728,193,9,9,I will not rest until the job is done.
63729,193,9,9,"Oh, is that so?"
63730,193,9,9,Then where are our diapers and Samosas?
63731,193,9,9,Aha!
63732,193,9,9,"NARRATOR: Diapers and Samosas. Oh, that's about something that happened six months earlier in the fall of 2012."
63733,193,9,9,BOTH: Major craving for a mojito.
63734,193,9,9,"Oh, God, we're back to your stupid little private joke again?"
63735,193,9,9,Are you guys really still doing this seven years later?
63736,193,9,9,It's so annoying. Just stop it.
63737,193,9,9,Private joke again?
63738,193,9,9,Are you guys really still doing this seven years later?
63739,193,9,9,It's so annoying. Just stop it.
63740,193,9,9,You don't salute a private!
63741,193,9,9,I'll be right back. All right.
63742,193,9,9,"Lily, are you playing footsie with me?"
63743,193,9,9,What?
63744,193,9,9,"Oh, no, no. I was just feeling around for your shin."
63745,193,9,9,My shin? Why would you...?
63746,193,9,9,Ow! Why'd you do that?
63747,193,9,9,To remind you what pain is.
63748,193,9,9,"You keep it up with all the cutesy-tootsy stuff with Robin, gonna be a whole lot more where that came from."
63749,193,9,9,"Lily, you have nothing to worry about."
63750,193,9,9,I better not. You and Robin are platonic.
63751,193,9,9,Please. Ted and Robin are not platonic.
63752,193,9,9,Just like me and Robin are not platonic.
63753,193,9,9,Just like no two single people in the world are ever platonic.
63754,193,9,9,Symposium: two people are only platonic if in the next 20 minutes there is no chance of them hooking up.
63755,193,9,9,"Truth is, I only know of one genuinely platonic relationship."
63756,193,9,9,You and me.
63757,193,9,9,"Don't make me laugh, Lily."
63758,193,9,9,You want to hit this so hard.
63759,193,9,9,"Seriously, she's playing footsies with me as I... Ow!"
63760,193,9,9,"No, I'm talking about Marshall and Robin."
63761,193,9,9,NARRATOR: Marshall and Robin wouldn't hook up even if this happened:
63762,193,9,9,"Marshall, Robin!"
63763,193,9,9,"If you guys don't full-on make out in the next 20 minutes, they're gonna blow me up and everyone in this bar!"
63764,193,9,9,"My God, no! Anyone but Robin."
63765,193,9,9,I really don't want to do this!
63766,193,9,9,"Guys, we have no time! Just do it!"
63767,193,9,9,"I'm sorry, baby, I just, I can't do it."
63768,193,9,9,Aw...
63769,193,9,9,(explosion)
63770,193,9,9,And the only survivor was me because I was upstairs banging Ted's mom.
63771,193,9,9,What? Get that blond girl's phone number?
63772,193,9,9,Challenge accepted.
63773,193,9,9,(phone rings)
63774,193,9,9,"Unknown caller, stop calling me."
63775,193,9,9,Are you gonna answer it?
63776,193,9,9,"Yeah, 'cause it's 1994 and I'm gonna pick up a phone without knowing who's on the other end."
63777,193,9,9,I should get going.
63778,193,9,9,Ted...
63779,193,9,9,"Lily, by every definition of the word platonic, including Barney's fake one, I can say with total certainty... that Brussels sprouts are the comeback vegetable of the 21st century."
63780,193,9,9,"Well, see you guys later."
63781,193,9,9,Bye.
63782,193,9,9,Challenge completed.
63783,193,9,9,I'm sorry. I-I missed the first half of this.
63784,193,9,9,"Um, why is picking up a drunk chick sitting alone and rubbing a tan line on her finger where a wedding ring used to be, a challenge?"
63785,193,9,9,Because I said challenge accepted.
63786,193,9,9,"See? That's your problem, Barney."
63787,193,9,9,You only accept challenges you came up with.
63788,193,9,9,"Just once, I'd like to see you accept someone else's challenge."
63789,193,9,9,Challenge acc... Wait-- what's the challenge?
63790,193,9,9,Interesting. An opportunity rife with possibilities.
63791,193,9,9,We need to find something with just the right amount of poetic...
63792,193,9,9,Get a girl's number while talking like a dolphin!
63793,193,9,9,That works.
63794,193,9,9,(chittering like a dolphin)
63795,193,9,9,"Open your eyes, ref! That's not a pregnant lady!"
63796,193,9,9,It's a basketball under his shirt!
63797,193,9,9,Blow the freakin' whistle!
63798,193,9,9,"Anyways, Barney's right; I would absolutely let the bar blow up."
63799,193,9,9,"But you'd die, and Lily would die, too."
63800,193,9,9,"Yeah, but then we could haunt the bar for eternity like we always planned. Anyways, Robin's your girl."
63801,193,9,9,Why do we keep coming back to this?
63802,193,9,9,It's fun. Tickets are cheap. Gets us out of the house.
63803,193,9,9,"No, me and Robin."
63804,193,9,9,Because Robin told me that she's still in love with you.
63805,193,9,9,Are you serious? Robin told you that she's still in love with me?
63806,193,9,9,"No, I just made that up."
63807,193,9,9,But it was worth it because I can tell by that look on your face that you still have feelings for Robin.
63808,193,9,9,"Okay, ball is sitting on the basket!"
63809,193,9,9,"That's not only illegal, it's unsafe!"
63810,193,9,9,"Come on, Gens, D up!"
63811,193,9,9,"It's this monastery in Connecticut out in the woods, and the nuns there, they make this gourmet cheese."
63812,193,9,9,It's just amazing.
63813,193,9,9,(chittering)
63814,193,9,9,"Wow, was that three glasses of wine?"
63815,193,9,9,Where does the time go
63816,193,9,9,(chitters)
63817,193,9,9,"(chuckles) Look, I know that you need to get back to your studies."
63818,193,9,9,Maybe we could get together some other time?
63819,193,9,9,"(clicking, chittering)"
63820,193,9,9,No! Not possible!
63821,193,9,9,It was the performance of a lifetime.
63822,193,9,9,"Man, if I'd have hung around for a few more minutes, I probably could have gotten her to touch my blowhole. Give me that."
63823,193,9,9,(distant phone rings)
63824,193,9,9,Hello?
63825,193,9,9,"Hi, did you just give your phone number to a guy who was squeaking like a dolphin?"
63826,193,9,9,(chuckles)
63827,193,9,9,Yeah.
63828,193,9,9,"Honey, listen to me."
63829,193,9,9,"I need you to take a year, a full year and just be celibate, okay?"
63830,193,9,9,No boys.
63831,193,9,9,One year.
63832,193,9,9,I think you know I'm right about this.
63833,193,9,9,You're right.
63834,193,9,9,Yeah.
63835,193,9,9,That was heartbreaking And pants-breaking Boing-oing-oing!
63836,193,9,9,"All right, next challenge."
63837,193,9,9,"Oh, this is an all-night thing?"
63838,193,9,9,"Okay, um, pick up a girl... wearing a garbage bag."
63839,193,9,9,(scoffs)
63840,193,9,9,"I'd be ""Glad"" to."
63841,193,9,9,"Just hope she's not too ""Hefty"""""
63842,193,9,9,And those are all of the brands of trash bags I can think of.
63843,193,9,9,I'm not done.
63844,193,9,9,"You also can't use the letter ""E."""
63845,193,9,9,Challng... accptd-d.
63846,193,9,9,"You're single, she's single, It's time to do this."
63847,193,9,9,"You're only saying this because you bet Lily that Robin and I would end up together, and you want that five bucks."
63848,193,9,9,"I need that five bucks, Ted."
63849,193,9,9,"But more importantly, I need you to be happy."
63850,193,9,9,"Marshall, we're platonic."
63851,193,9,9,But you're not platonic!
63852,193,9,9,You are 20 short minutes away from happily ever after.
63853,193,9,9,"I mean, if you left right now."
63854,193,9,9,Hey.
63855,193,9,9,I have loved you from the moment we met.
63856,193,9,9,I know we're meant to be together.
63857,193,9,9,I don't want to waste another second without you.
63858,193,9,9,Let's give it another shot.
63859,193,9,9,Okay!
63860,193,9,9,No!
63861,193,9,9,(buzzer sounds)
63862,193,9,9,"Pay up, baby. Pay up."
63863,193,9,9,"TED: Oh, yes!"
63864,193,9,9,"♪ Sweet, sweet five bucks, you soon will be mine ♪"
63865,193,9,9,♪ Even though Lily and I share bank accounts ♪
63866,193,9,9,♪ You're already mine to begin with. ♪ Sorry.
63867,193,9,9,"And you and Robin get a lifetime of happiness, so there's that."
63868,193,9,9,But you better hurry up before some other guy snatches her up.
63869,193,9,9,Really? And who's my competition?
63870,193,9,9,"Okay, don't use the letter ""E."" Don't use the letter ""E."""
63871,193,9,9,Hey.
63872,193,9,9,Damn it.
63873,193,9,9,Hi. I... am...
63874,193,9,9,Barney. Damn it!
63875,193,9,9,There's an E in my name!
63876,193,9,9,Hi. My word for... this guy is Barno.
63877,193,9,9,Barno. You look... not ugly.
63878,193,9,9,(chuckles)
63879,193,9,9,Your... dial thing... is what?
63880,193,9,9,Do you want to just go back to my place?
63881,193,9,9,Yes. Damn it!
63882,193,9,9,I want to buy you a drink.
63883,193,9,9,"But first, what do I call you?"
63884,193,9,9,Elaine Edelstein.
63885,193,9,9,How about I just call you... tomorrow?
63886,193,9,9,"Your digits, m'lady?"
63887,193,9,9,"Seriously, guys, you're gonna have to try harder than that."
63888,193,9,9,Challenge accepted.
63889,193,9,9,"Excuse me, hi."
63890,193,9,9,I'm Ryan Gosling's personal assistant.
63891,193,9,9,"He saw you as you were walking in, and he sent me over to tell you to wait here."
63892,193,9,9,"Be cool. This is real, okay?"
63893,193,9,9,"But listen, Ryan is super shy."
63894,193,9,9,Aw... I know.
63895,193,9,9,"Which means that if he comes in here and he sees you talking to some other guy, he's gonna turn right around and leave."
63896,193,9,9,Nod if you understand.
63897,193,9,9,Redhead at the bar.
63898,193,9,9,Challenge accepted.
63899,193,9,9,"Hey, there. Get away from me!"
63900,193,9,9,"It's like you're trying to lose, Eddie!"
63901,193,9,9,"Hey, Eddie, last time I saw this many turnovers was at a bakery. - Oh!"
63902,193,9,9,So are you doing this or what? No.
63903,193,9,9,"And for the record, if I were gonna do it, I wouldn't just be, like, ""Hey, we should get back together""."
63904,193,9,9,Amateur hour.
63905,193,9,9,Here's how you do it.
63906,193,9,9,"Excuse me. Okay, sorry."
63907,193,9,9,(text alert sounds)
63908,193,9,9,Sorry.
63909,193,9,9,Huh.
63910,193,9,9,"Stop, thief!"
63911,193,9,9,"MARSHALL: The blue French horn, it's so romantic!"
63912,193,9,9,"Oh, my God, do you know who you are?!"
63913,193,9,9,You're Nicholas Sparks!
63914,193,9,9,"Hey, everybody, we got a, uh, celebrity in the crowd over here. We got, uh, Nicholas Sparks!"
63915,193,9,9,You didn't let me finish.
63916,193,9,9,"Ted, listen..."
63917,193,9,9,(buzzer sounds)
63918,193,9,9,I can do without reliving that.
63919,193,9,9,Are you completely blind?
63920,193,9,9,What?
63921,193,9,9,"Open your eyes, ref!"
63922,193,9,9,The ball hasn't touched the ground in seven minutes!
63923,193,9,9,"Hey, ref, check your voicemail!"
63924,193,9,9,I think you've missed a few calls!
63925,193,9,9,(scoffs)
63926,193,9,9,Are you completely blind?!
63927,193,9,9,Wait-- me or...?
63928,193,9,9,"You, Ted!"
63929,193,9,9,Robin has changed her mind.
63930,193,9,9,"No, Robin doesn't change her mind."
63931,193,9,9,Except that she does.
63932,193,9,9,Remember how she used to claim to hate white guy funk bands?
63933,193,9,9,"And yet, at the farewell performance of my band, ""The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk,"" there's Robin rhythmically nodding her head and shouting out a request for ""Give Up the Funk."""
63934,193,9,9,"I think she was nodding her head in response to my question, ""Do you want to leave soon?"""
63935,193,9,9,And she was legitimately suggesting that you give up the funk.
63936,193,9,9,Can we just drop this? I have moved on.
63937,193,9,9,"Well, except that you haven't."
63938,193,9,9,You didn't just come up with this blue French horn thing.
63939,193,9,9,You've thought about this.
63940,193,9,9,EDDIE: Mr. Sparks?
63941,193,9,9,I loved The Notebook.
63942,193,9,9,"Eddie, you're down by 80."
63943,193,9,9,Will you watch the game?
63944,193,9,9,Do not come any closer!
63945,193,9,9,I swear to God I will kill you.
63946,193,9,9,It's cool. I'm not gonna come any closer.
63947,193,9,9,"You're looking at the door, you're waiting for someone."
63948,193,9,9,"Someone important, someone who will fill an empty space in your life."
63949,193,9,9,A movie star?
63950,193,9,9,Ah-huh.
63951,193,9,9,But which one?
63952,193,9,9,"Clooney, DiCaprio, Zabka...?"
63953,193,9,9,No...
63954,193,9,9,I'm gonna go with Ryan...
63955,193,9,9,Reyn...
63956,193,9,9,Phil-Phillip...
63957,193,9,9,Seacr... Gosling...
63958,193,9,9,Ryan Gosling!
63959,193,9,9,"Yes, I'm waiting for Ryan Gosling, okay?"
63960,193,9,9,"Now, leave me alone."
63961,193,9,9,"You passed my test, girl."
63962,193,9,9,Ryan? ROBIN: No.
63963,193,9,9,Just... no.
63964,193,9,9,I told her I'm a method actor.
63965,193,9,9,And I had to get plastic surgery for an upcoming role where I play a man much more handsome than myself.
63966,193,9,9,"Congratulations, you win."
63967,193,9,9,"Win? No, I don't want to win."
63968,193,9,9,I want to keep playing. More challenges.
63969,193,9,9,"Fine, you want another challenge?"
63970,193,9,9,"More challenges, more challenges."
63971,193,9,9,"Fine, here's your challenge."
63972,193,9,9,Go down to the pharmacy and buy some diapers.
63973,193,9,9,"And, uh, get me a Samosa from the Indian place."
63974,193,9,9,Sounds like an errand.
63975,193,9,9,While picking up a girl.
63976,193,9,9,Challenge accepted!
63977,193,9,9,Come on!
63978,193,9,9,Whatever happened to the guy who wasn't afraid to charge headlong into the unknown?
63979,193,9,9,What unknown?
63980,193,9,9,"Sure, eight years ago when I stole that blue French horn, yeah."
63981,193,9,9,That was the unknown.
63982,193,9,9,"But now? I mean, how many times have we been here?"
63983,193,9,9,I know exactly what's gonna happen.
63984,193,9,9,"You know who else knew exactly what was gonna happen, Ted?"
63985,193,9,9,"The Washington Generals on January 5, 1971."
63986,193,9,9,"They knew they were gonna lose, but they went in there anyway, and then gave it their best shot."
63987,193,9,9,"And they won that game, Ted!"
63988,193,9,9,For one reason and for one reason only.
63989,193,9,9,A scoring error and the fact that Curly Neal had the flu?
63990,193,9,9,Perseverance.
63991,193,9,9,"It was the only win in Generals history, but that's all you need."
63992,193,9,9,Just one win.
63993,193,9,9,(cell phone ringing)
63994,193,9,9,I'm gonna go grab us some beers.
63995,193,9,9,(clicks tongue)
63996,193,9,9,"Hi, I don't know who this is or what you're trying to sell, but you are disturbing me during the Globetrotters."
63997,193,9,9,"Hello, Ted, it's Hammond Druthers."
63998,193,9,9,Target acquired.
63999,193,9,9,I'm recruiting volunteers for the starving puppy orphanage where I work.
64000,193,9,9,For free.
64001,193,9,9,"So, if you wouldn't mind just writing your number down on this signup sheet...?"
64002,193,9,9,"Listen, I appreciate that you feel like you need my number."
64003,193,9,9,Um.
64004,193,9,9,Maybe it's because you're really sad about something and this is your way of feeling better about yourself.
64005,193,9,9,"But... since I have a boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure I heard you call me a target earlier over there, Wha...? I'm gonna go ahead and not give you my number."
64006,193,9,9,I'm gonna give you something even better.
64007,193,9,9,"Wow, right to the chase."
64008,193,9,9,Meet you in aisle six.
64009,193,9,9,I'm gonna give you this. Okay.
64010,193,9,9,It's gonna be okay.
64011,193,9,9,You're a good guy.
64012,193,9,9,You will get through this.
64013,193,9,9,"Uh, okay."
64014,193,9,9,Weirdo alert.
64015,193,9,9,(chuckles)
64016,193,9,9,(scoffs)
64017,193,9,9,Have you met...?
64018,193,9,9,(groans)
64019,193,9,9,Excuse me.
64020,193,9,9,"What do you mean ""sad""?"
64021,193,9,9,HAMMOND DRUTHERS: Ted?
64022,193,9,9,"I'm calling you from Chicago, Illinois where I'm a key player in a very successful architectural firm."
64023,193,9,9,"Oh, yeah, I read about that."
64024,193,9,9,"All right, about what you read..."
64025,193,9,9,You built that big concave glass tower.
64026,193,9,9,And it melted a few buildings across the street.
64027,193,9,9,"Yes, fine, but come on."
64028,193,9,9,What architect hasn't made a major design flaw that raised the temperature of the city aquarium to 190 degrees and killed thousands of very rare fish?
64029,193,9,9,"That's the past, Ted. I'm looking forward."
64030,193,9,9,I want you on my team.
64031,193,9,9,And I won't take no for an answer.
64032,193,9,9,"No. I don't think you heard me, Ted."
64033,193,9,9,"No. Come on, Ted!"
64034,193,9,9,Please?
64035,193,9,9,They're gonna give me a parking spot if you say yes.
64036,193,9,9,"Do I get a parking spot? Well, we can go tandem."
64037,193,9,9,No. Every other week then?
64038,193,9,9,No.
64039,193,9,9,"You know, Chicago's more of a walking town."
64040,193,9,9,No. All right!
64041,193,9,9,You can have the parking spot.
64042,193,9,9,"So, that's a yes?"
64043,193,9,9,"Mm, no. Look, Ted."
64044,193,9,9,I can make your life very difficult.
64045,193,9,9,How? How?!
64046,193,9,9,I will call you a lot.
64047,193,9,9,I will Tweet at you like crazy.
64048,193,9,9,I will live on your Facebook wall!
64049,193,9,9,We're not Facebook friends.
64050,193,9,9,"Yeah, what's going on with that?"
64051,193,9,9,"It's been pending, like, for eight months now."
64052,193,9,9,"Look, Ted, you're a... a very hot commodity."
64053,193,9,9,Everybody loves the GNB Tower.
64054,193,9,9,And how it hasn't blinded any pilots on final approach into O'Hare.
64055,193,9,9,(laughs)
64056,193,9,9,"And I-I may have told the partners here that you and I are very, very good friends."
64057,193,9,9,"So, please, just say that you'll think about it."
64058,193,9,9,Fine.
64059,193,9,9,I'll think about it.
64060,193,9,9,"Druthers shoots, he scores!"
64061,193,9,9,"Sad? Lady, I got 14 girls' numbers in the last hour."
64062,193,9,9,And this was an off night.
64063,193,9,9,(chuckles)
64064,193,9,9,What can I possibly be sad about?
64065,193,9,9,I think you were in love and you messed it up.
64066,193,9,9,And every moment of your life since then has been spent trying to stay busy enough to ignore that fact.
64067,193,9,9,
64068,193,9,9,NARRATOR: And that's how Barney met your mother.
64069,193,9,9,"Well, the Generals lost."
64070,193,9,9,What a nail biter... the whole fourth quarter my heart was in my throat.
64071,193,9,9,What was the final?
64072,193,9,9,216 to 12.
64073,193,9,9,"Nobody talk to me right now, I can't even..."
64074,193,9,9,The strangest thing happened at the game.
64075,193,9,9,I got a phone call from an unknown number.
64076,193,9,9,And when I answered I...
64077,193,9,9,You're eating olives.
64078,193,9,9,Yup.
64079,193,9,9,Do you want these?
64080,193,9,9,I hate olives.
64081,193,9,9,I... thought you hate olives.
64082,193,9,9,(laughs)
64083,193,9,9,I guess I changed my mind.
64084,193,9,9,(phone ringing)
64085,193,9,9,Ah!
64086,193,9,9,"Hello, partner!"
64087,193,9,9,"Boy, that just sounds right, doesn't it?"
64088,193,9,9,"Yeah, actually, Mr. Druthers."
64089,193,9,9,My answer is no.
64090,193,9,9,"What? No, Ted, come on!"
64091,193,9,9,"I'm sorry, I still have things to do here in New York."
64092,193,9,9,I am going to build a tower of glass and melt you with it!
64093,193,9,9,"No, you won't. No, I won't, but know this."
64094,193,9,9,After today this offer is gone forever.
64095,193,9,9,"When I hang up this phone, you and I are done."
64096,193,9,9,The door is closed! Okay.
64097,193,9,9,"The door's always open, Ted."
64098,193,9,9,"If you change your mind, just call me back, okay?"
64099,193,9,9,Bye.
64100,193,9,9,I think he's coming around.
64101,193,9,9,We tried dating a while back and it was a disaster.
64102,193,9,9,But I-I always regret giving up.
64103,193,9,9,It just ended so quickly.
64104,193,9,9,(quiet laugh)
64105,193,9,9,What about you?
64106,193,9,9,You and your boyfriend gonna go the distance?
64107,193,9,9,I don't know.
64108,193,9,9,I think maybe I still haven't met the right guy.
64109,193,9,9,Hmm.
64110,193,9,9,I wonder if I know someone to set you up with.
64111,193,9,9,Drawing a blank.
64112,193,9,9,Are you gonna go get this girl?
64113,193,9,9,Or what?
64114,193,9,9,I don't know.
64115,193,9,9,I'm kind of at my peak right now.
64116,193,9,9,I don't know if I can just walk away from the game.
64117,193,9,9,Do you want to keep playing or do you want to win?
64118,193,9,9,I want to win.
64119,193,9,9,What am I doing?
64120,193,9,9,"In less than 20 minutes, Robin and I could be..."
64121,193,9,9,"Oh, no, no, no, no, no."
64122,193,9,9,It's gonna take a lot more than 20 minutes.
64123,193,9,9,This is gonna take everything you have got.
64124,193,9,9,"This is gonna take all of your time, all of your attention."
64125,193,9,9,All of your resources.
64126,193,9,9,This is the big one.
64127,193,9,9,Diaper man.
64128,193,9,9,You got to do it right.
64129,193,9,9,"Can't be messing around, picking up girls in drug stores."
64130,193,9,9,♪ It's only time You got work to do.
64131,193,9,9,♪ It's only time ♪
64132,193,9,9,♪ It's only time
64133,193,9,9,♪ What could stop...
64134,193,9,9,We're not platonic.
64135,193,9,9,"Platon-ish, maybe."
64136,193,9,9,If that's even a word.
64137,193,9,9,But not platonic.
64138,193,9,9,♪ It's only time...
64139,193,9,9,"I mean, there's something between us."
64140,193,9,9,And there always will be.
64141,193,9,9,♪ If rain won't...
64142,193,9,9,"If this was eight years ago, I'd be jumping into a cab right now to go steal that blue French horn."
64143,193,9,9,"Well, why don't you?"
64144,193,9,9,I don't know.
64145,193,9,9,Just doesn't seem to work that way anymore.
64146,193,9,9,"I used to be in such a hurry all the time, you know?"
64147,193,9,9,Everything was so urgent.
64148,193,9,9,"Now, I just, I don't know, I figure... it's gonna happen, it'll happen"
64149,193,9,9,when it happens.
64150,193,9,9,"I'm not going anywhere, she's not going anywhere."
64151,193,9,9,"What's the rush, right?"
64152,193,9,9,♪ And swim your sea ♪
64153,193,9,9,♪ And swim
64154,193,9,9,♪ Your sea
64155,193,9,9,♪ Marry me I have no idea who that girl was.
64156,193,9,9,But she set me straight.
64157,193,9,9,"After that, I had one challenge and one challenge only."
64158,193,9,9,Get Robin Scherbatsky to fall in love with me.
64159,193,9,9,Challenge completed.
64160,194,9,10,"NARRATOR: Two days before Barney and Robin's wedding, their reverend passed away, and the search was on for a replacement."
64161,194,9,10,(phone rings)
64162,194,9,10,"BARNEY: Oh, boy, it's the creepy, bug-eyed minister from that culty church who kept asking us if we're ""pure enough to die."""
64163,194,9,10,He's our best lead. I should get this.
64164,194,9,10,"James, unless you have a minister, I don't want to hear it."
64165,194,9,10,"You mean, like this one?"
64166,194,9,10,"NARRATOR: A few years back, Barney's brother James finally met his long-lost father, Sam, who turned out to be a reverend."
64167,194,9,10,I know pronounce your asses saved.
64168,194,9,10,Whoa!
64169,194,9,10,NARRATOR: Reverend Gibbs wouldn't be the only VIP arrival that day.
64170,194,9,10,BARNEY: Dad!
64171,194,9,10,"Barney. Oh, I can't believe you're getting married."
64172,194,9,10,You've grown up so fast.
64173,194,9,10,"Then again, I did miss about 30 years of your life."
64174,194,9,10,Did I mention we got you two things from your registry?
64175,194,9,10,"Hey, can we buy you guys a drink in a bit?"
64176,194,9,10,Sure. We'll meet you at the bar.
64177,194,9,10,Yeah. (laughs)
64178,194,9,10,Here. All right.
64179,194,9,10,Hey.
64180,194,9,10,Oh. Whoa. Look.
64181,194,9,10,"My dad hasn't seen my mom in years, not since he bailed on her."
64182,194,9,10,"Oh, man, take it from a fellow child of divorce, this could get real messy."
64183,194,9,10,"Loretta, good to see you."
64184,194,9,10,"You, too, Jerry."
64185,194,9,10,(gasps)
64186,194,9,10,Wow.
64187,194,9,10,"Yeah. Thank God, no drama."
64188,194,9,10,They're in love!
64189,194,9,10,My mom and dad are getting back together again!
64190,194,9,10,Uh-oh.
64191,194,9,10,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x10 ♪
64192,194,9,10,Mom and Dad
64193,194,9,10,"Original Air Date on November 18, 2013"
64194,194,9,10,"Hey, quick favor."
64195,194,9,10,I want to give this to Robin.
64196,194,9,10,Gretzky's her hero.
64197,194,9,10,She says his name sometimes in bed. I've accepted it.
64198,194,9,10,"Can you, uh, hide it for me till the rehearsal dinner?"
64199,194,9,10,The best man is on it.
64200,194,9,10,Great. Now I'm gonna go get my mom and dad back together.
64201,194,9,10,They're totally in love. I know. It's amazing.
64202,194,9,10,I'm walking on air.
64203,194,9,10,My family's gonna be whole again!
64204,194,9,10,Should we stop him or something?
64205,194,9,10,The best man is staying on the Gretzky thing.
64206,194,9,10,"♪ Well, I would walk"
64207,194,9,10,500 miles and ♪
64208,194,9,10,♪ I would walk 500 more
64209,194,9,10,♪ Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles ♪
64210,194,9,10,♪ Then falls down at your door. ♪
64211,194,9,10,Ha!
64212,194,9,10,You're right.
64213,194,9,10,That crap grows on you.
64214,194,9,10,Again?
64215,194,9,10,Proclaim it!
64216,194,9,10,(intro to song starts)
64217,194,9,10,"Hey. So there I am, lying in the wet, filthy sand under the patio, just minding my own business, when my dad bumps into my mom, and he says-- get this... he says to her, ""Weather's improving, huh?"""
64218,194,9,10,(giggling)
64219,194,9,10,"It's like, why don't you just do it already? Huh?"
64220,194,9,10,"Barney, I know you've always dreamed of a reunited family, but... Jerry's married."
64221,194,9,10,So what? Marriage is just a meaningless piece of paper.
64222,194,9,10,I'm a lucky gal.
64223,194,9,10,"Sweetie, this just isn't gonna happen."
64224,194,9,10,"Now, please promise me you haven't already put some crazy scheme in motion."
64225,194,9,10,I haven't put some crazy scheme in motion.
64226,194,9,10,Why did you pause?
64227,194,9,10,I didn't pause.
64228,194,9,10,Why did you pause?!
64229,194,9,10,"Ah. Hey, there."
64230,194,9,10,Hi.
64231,194,9,10,"Barney texted me to meet him ASAP, but the stairs are wet."
64232,194,9,10,"No, broken."
64233,194,9,10,"Yeah, the stairs are broken."
64234,194,9,10,Yeah. I got the same text.
64235,194,9,10,"(elevator thumps, stops)"
64236,194,9,10,Oh.
64237,194,9,10,"Barney, Jerry has a wife."
64238,194,9,10,"Oh, God, what did you do to the wife?"
64239,194,9,10,"So, my husband snuck off to go parasailing, and he wants me to join him?"
64240,194,9,10,Yes.
64241,194,9,10,Who is ready to rock it Scottish-identical-twin-brothers style?
64242,194,9,10,♪ When I wake up
64243,194,9,10,"(Scottish accent): ♪ Yeah, I know I'm gonna be ♪"
64244,194,9,10,♪ I'm gonna be the man who ends up next to you... ♪
64245,194,9,10,"Oh, man, I hope they're not singing to the same girl."
64246,194,9,10,Or to each other.
64247,194,9,10,Shut up! Music sucks!
64248,194,9,10,Scotland sucks! You suck!
64249,194,9,10,"Just drive, pumpkin head."
64250,194,9,10,"BARNEY: Hey, guys, don't worry."
64251,194,9,10,Help's on the way.
64252,194,9,10,"Oh! Thank you, Barney. Thank you, honey."
64253,194,9,10,"In the meantime, I'll try to keep you two as comfortable as possible."
64254,194,9,10,(R&B music playing)
64255,194,9,10,"♪ I said, bang..."
64256,194,9,10,"Well, we don't need wine."
64257,194,9,10,♪ Bang
64258,194,9,10,♪ Bangity bang...
64259,194,9,10,"We don't need champagne, either. We need help!"
64260,194,9,10,This could be very unsafe!
64261,194,9,10,Oh.
64262,194,9,10,I'll say something.
64263,194,9,10,No. You've had a whole lifetime of this. Let me.
64264,194,9,10,Oh.
64265,194,9,10,"Barney, are you thinking you can get your mother and me back together?"
64266,194,9,10,Because I'm married.
64267,194,9,10,My wife is right upstairs!
64268,194,9,10,"No, she's not."
64269,194,9,10,What's that? Nothing!
64270,194,9,10,I'm just trying to keep you refreshed through this unexpected and flukish elevator malfunction!
64271,194,9,10,Here's some water!
64272,194,9,10,Ah... drat.
64273,194,9,10,"Clumsy hands much, Barney?"
64274,194,9,10,Just disrobe and send up those wet clothes.
64275,194,9,10,"You'll be cold, so I'll send down strawberry warming gel and some cozy, zippered masks."
64276,194,9,10,(sighs): Ooh.
64277,194,9,10,(gasps)
64278,194,9,10,My calligraphy ink!
64279,194,9,10,"I mean, the Gretzky photo!"
64280,194,9,10,Some b*st*rd snuck into my room and spilled ink all over the Gretzky photo I was holding for Barney.
64281,194,9,10,Detective Mosby is on the case.
64282,194,9,10,"Oh, God, that's horrible. I know."
64283,194,9,10,It was a gift for Robin.
64284,194,9,10,"No, I mean, ""Oh, God, that's horrible. Detective Mosby's the worst."""
64285,194,9,10,"Mm, Detective Mosby is the case-crackingest private dick on the scene."
64286,194,9,10,Really? Like that case from eight years ago you still haven't cracked?
64287,194,9,10,I'm callin' it.
64288,194,9,10,Damn it!
64289,194,9,10,My greatest failure.
64290,194,9,10,I will solve this case.
64291,194,9,10,"Now, there were three people nearby when Barney gave me that head shot: Karate Kid bad boy Billy Zabka, a shifty-eyed bellhop, and Robin's cousin Claude from Quebec with the neck trouble."
64292,194,9,10,"Right, 'cause an elaborate conspiracy is much more likely than you leaving the photo next to an open ink bottle."
64293,194,9,10,Thank you! You can't even detect sarcasm!
64294,194,9,10,Why don't you just try to fix the photo?
64295,194,9,10,Don't you have ink remover?
64296,194,9,10,Of course I have ink remover.
64297,194,9,10,"I'm not one of those sloppy, punk calligraphers who's in it for glory over craft."
64298,194,9,10,"No, we got to solve this!"
64299,194,9,10,"Now, the question is, which of those three suspects had the most cause to frame me?"
64300,194,9,10,The one that I replaced as Barney's best man?
64301,194,9,10,"I'm coming for you, Mosby."
64302,194,9,10,Billy Zabka!
64303,194,9,10,"Okay, real quick, I need fresh-cut English lavender, a copy of Shakespeare's 18th sonnet, and enough Nutella to cover a 60-year-old woman."
64304,194,9,10,"Oh, great. You guys escaped."
64305,194,9,10,Got rescued!
64306,194,9,10,Are you okay?
64307,194,9,10,A bit shaken up.
64308,194,9,10,Being trapped in an elevator is scary.
64309,194,9,10,"No, Barney lowered in a TV showing some pretty graphic 1970s pornography."
64310,194,9,10,"Still, a lot of familiar faces in there."
64311,194,9,10,"Well, not just faces."
64312,194,9,10,I'm gonna go find my wife.
64313,194,9,10,(sighs)
64314,194,9,10,"Nice job, bro."
64315,194,9,10,Mom was just about to get some action for the first time since she conceived me.
64316,194,9,10,"Barney, this has to stop."
64317,194,9,10,You're being delusional.
64318,194,9,10,Mom is not getting back together with Jerry.
64319,194,9,10,(sighs)
64320,194,9,10,Because she's getting back together with my daddy!
64321,194,9,10,I see what you're doing.
64322,194,9,10,You didn't bring your dad here to marry us.
64323,194,9,10,You want him to get back together with Mom!
64324,194,9,10,"Which is completely insane, by the way."
64325,194,9,10,"Um, my dad's single, Mom's single."
64326,194,9,10,Your dad's happily married with two kids.
64327,194,9,10,Which one makes more sense?
64328,194,9,10,I agree. It's a tie.
64329,194,9,10,What do we do?
64330,194,9,10,You back down and let me get my mom and dad back together?
64331,194,9,10,"Um, how about you back down and let me get my mom and dad back together?"
64332,194,9,10,(scoffs)
64333,194,9,10,I can already picture it.
64334,194,9,10,(peppy music plays)
64335,194,9,10,♪ We're reunited and we're going so strong ♪
64336,194,9,10,♪ My wife died parasailing and I've moved on ♪
64337,194,9,10,♪ And now our Barney-boy will always be near ♪
64338,194,9,10,♪ I'll come to live with you and it won't be weird ♪
64339,194,9,10,"Of course not, Wuv-Wuv!"
64340,194,9,10,♪ Back together and forever we'll be ♪
64341,194,9,10,♪ Mom
64342,194,9,10,♪ And Dad
64343,194,9,10,"♪ And Barney makes three We love you, champ!"
64344,194,9,10,"♪ And I'll live here, too, since we're married ♪"
64345,194,9,10,♪ And I'm totally cool with it! ♪
64346,194,9,10,(scoffs)
64347,194,9,10,That's completely insane.
64348,194,9,10,This is how it's gonna be.
64349,194,9,10,♪ We're reunited and I'm feeling so glad ♪
64350,194,9,10,♪ I'm so much sexier than Barney's dad ♪
64351,194,9,10,(plays flourish)
64352,194,9,10,"♪ Back together, now our life's right on track ♪"
64353,194,9,10,♪ But she's banging my dad behind your dad's back ♪
64354,194,9,10,"♪ When you're at work, I'm all over her rack ♪"
64355,194,9,10,♪ That's not true ♪
64356,194,9,10,"♪ Yes, it is"
64357,194,9,10,♪ That's not funny ♪
64358,194,9,10,"♪ Mom, break the news"
64359,194,9,10,"♪ Okay, we're screwin' like bunnies ♪"
64360,194,9,10,♪ I'll kick your ass ♪
64361,194,9,10,♪ I'd like to see you try ♪
64362,194,9,10,"♪ Well, my dad would win in a fight ♪"
64363,194,9,10,"♪ No, my dad would win in a fight ♪"
64364,194,9,10,♪ No
64365,194,9,10,♪ Yeah
64366,194,9,10,♪ My dad would win
64367,194,9,10,♪ Yeah
64368,194,9,10,♪ In a fight
64369,194,9,10,♪ Yeah!
64370,194,9,10,"No, my dad would win in a fight! Nuh-uh!"
64371,194,9,10,Uh-huh! Don't fight!
64372,194,9,10,I'm marrying into this family. BARNEY: Stop.
64373,194,9,10,You stupid! I won't stop.
64374,194,9,10,Where the heck is this parasailing place?
64375,194,9,10,(laughs)
64376,194,9,10,You know what?
64377,194,9,10,I'm gonna... I'm gonna call Jerry.
64378,194,9,10,(beep)
64379,194,9,10,"Oh, that's weird."
64380,194,9,10,I just lost cell reception.
64381,194,9,10,Yes.
64382,194,9,10,Weird.
64383,194,9,10,Lot of pretty paintings in this hotel.
64384,194,9,10,I like how they've been... framed.
64385,194,9,10,"I've noticed the vintage, antique, gilded Victorian frames, too."
64386,194,9,10,I'm not blind... but what are you getting at?
64387,194,9,10,You know damn well what I'm getting at!
64388,194,9,10,"You're jealous I got the Best Mansmanship back, so you destroyed that photo as part of some diabolical scheme to make me look bad."
64389,194,9,10,I bet you even found some other photo of Wayne Gretzky so you could swoop in and save the day.
64390,194,9,10,You're insane. Am I?
64391,194,9,10,Yeah. Yeah. Am I?
64392,194,9,10,Where were you today at 3:15 p.m.?
64393,194,9,10,Right here getting a massage.
64394,194,9,10,Rocked a 60-minute deep tish.
64395,194,9,10,"Now if you'll excuse me, Detective, I think I'll go have some pineapple."
64396,194,9,10,How do you know about that?
64397,194,9,10,Everybody knows about that!
64398,194,9,10,Excuse me? Mm?
64399,194,9,10,"You destroyed that photo, didn't you?"
64400,194,9,10,"No, I didn't."
64401,194,9,10,"Admit it! I complained about you to the bell captain, so you got your revenge."
64402,194,9,10,You complained about me?
64403,194,9,10,No.
64404,194,9,10,"So, Claude..."
64405,194,9,10,I see that you're a Montreal Canadiens fan.
64406,194,9,10,"Which means you hate the Edmonton Oilers, which is why you destroyed the Wayne Gretzky head shot!"
64407,194,9,10,J'accuse!
64408,194,9,10,C'est ridicule!
64409,194,9,10,"If it's so ridicule, how do you explain this?"
64410,194,9,10,"Ah, seems like I've caught you... midnight blue-handed."
64411,194,9,10,"Oh, these. Yeah."
64412,194,9,10,"I-I was out by the water when... an elderly R-Rastafarian hang glider... he-he crash onto a beached squid, which squirted ink when I ran in to help."
64413,194,9,10,You really expect me to believe that?
64414,194,9,10,Story checks out.
64415,194,9,10,"Sorry, Claude."
64416,194,9,10,De rien.
64417,194,9,10,I don't get it.
64418,194,9,10,We were bonding.
64419,194,9,10,I can't think of anything I did wrong!
64420,194,9,10,"Okay, I did a few things wrong."
64421,194,9,10,"For the last time, I did not leave the bag of oranges you bought on the roof!"
64422,194,9,10,"No more breaking the speed limit. And, uh, thanks for flagging me down and telling me she was going 67."
64423,194,9,10,"Just following the rules, Officer."
64424,194,9,10,Oh. She's also not wearing her seat belt.
64425,194,9,10,You are not allowed to use that word!
64426,194,9,10,Only we're allowed to use that word!
64427,194,9,10,I am so sorry.
64428,194,9,10,I will never call you or anyone else a...
64429,194,9,10,Trekkie again.
64430,194,9,10,But I apologized and you accepted.
64431,194,9,10,I even bought you more oranges.
64432,194,9,10,"Look, it wasn't you, okay?"
64433,194,9,10,"Baby, I know your speech at the Model U.N. is a big deal, but I'm just not sure I'll make it in time."
64434,194,9,10,I'm trying.
64435,194,9,10,You know what?
64436,194,9,10,Don't bother coming.
64437,194,9,10,"So, back at the airport, that story was true?"
64438,194,9,10,You have a daughter?
64439,194,9,10,She lives with her dad.
64440,194,9,10,"And since I travel for work, I miss a lot of stuff."
64441,194,9,10,I only work as hard as I do to provide for her.
64442,194,9,10,"But kids, they don't understand logic."
64443,194,9,10,Kids understand who shows up.
64444,194,9,10,That's why her dad's her hero... and I get hung up on.
64445,194,9,10,Go see your daughter's speech.
64446,194,9,10,"If you show up, all will be forgiven."
64447,194,9,10,Just drop it.
64448,194,9,10,And drop me at home.
64449,194,9,10,Then head out to your wedding.
64450,194,9,10,End of discussion.
64451,194,9,10,"Barney, even if your plan worked, you'd be destroying your dad's marriage."
64452,194,9,10,"Okay, you may have a point."
64453,194,9,10,Can I suggest something?
64454,194,9,10,(sighs)
64455,194,9,10,Truce?
64456,194,9,10,We both agree to drop this.
64457,194,9,10,Agreed.
64458,194,9,10,"Hey, I got a replacement bottle of 30-year Glen McKenna. Okay."
64459,194,9,10,"Look, even if Mom never gets back together with either one of our dads, we're still brothers."
64460,194,9,10,It's not a competition.
64461,194,9,10,(chuckles)
64462,194,9,10,I win!
64463,194,9,10,Hoo-hoo!
64464,194,9,10,Get your damn hands off my mom!
64465,194,9,10,Get your damn hands on my mom!
64466,194,9,10,"One on, one off?"
64467,194,9,10,What the hell is going on here?
64468,194,9,10,"After you boys tracked Sam down a few years back, we got in touch. We became friends again, started hanging out. And then one day, she went from being Loretta to being..."
64469,194,9,10,Lo-ret-ta.
64470,194,9,10,(chuckles)
64471,194,9,10,"We wanted to wait to tell you because it's still new, but it was inevitable you'd find out once Sam came to perform the ceremony."
64472,194,9,10,Is that what you two call it?
64473,194,9,10,"""Performing the ceremony""?"
64474,194,9,10,"Oh, Sam's marrying you tomorrow, dear."
64475,194,9,10,"Right. Thank you, Reverend. Look, is there any way you guys can be all right with this?"
64476,194,9,10,Of course I am!
64477,194,9,10,(clears throat)
64478,194,9,10,Barney?
64479,194,9,10,"I know I've been acting crazy today, but..."
64480,194,9,10,"I just have one real question, Mom, and I want an honest answer."
64481,194,9,10,Is there a scenario... and hear me out... where you might consider doing kind of a three-way deal with both of our dads?
64482,194,9,10,"God! What is wrong with you?! Oh, dude, come on!"
64483,194,9,10,(sobs)
64484,194,9,10,That's what I thought!
64485,194,9,10,"It's time to admit it, Ted."
64486,194,9,10,You spilled the ink. There's no conspiracy.
64487,194,9,10,I guess you're right.
64488,194,9,10,"I mean, the only other person who saw Barney give me that photo... was you."
64489,194,9,10,(dramatic sting)
64490,194,9,10,Hey. Idiot.
64491,194,9,10,"While you've been playing detective, I've been cleaning up your mess."
64492,194,9,10,"Look, the ink remover works."
64493,194,9,10,I'm gonna finish this.
64494,194,9,10,You come clean to Barney.
64495,194,9,10,(sighs): Okay.
64496,194,9,10,"She's been missing all day, a-and I found what appears to be a-a suicide note on my bed."
64497,194,9,10,But it doesn't really sound like her.
64498,194,9,10,"""I'm going to kill my... wait for it-- self."""
64499,194,9,10,Is everything okay with Mr. Zabka?
64500,194,9,10,Wait. W-Wait. Why do you think that's Billy Zabka?
64501,194,9,10,(The Beastie Boys'
64502,194,9,10,"""Sabotage"" begins)"
64503,194,9,10,WOMAN: See?
64504,194,9,10,The man from the lobby got this massage.
64505,194,9,10,A younger gentleman bought it for him as a gift.
64506,194,9,10,He even signed his name for him.
64507,194,9,10,Right here.
64508,194,9,10,I'm telling all y'all... it's Zabka-tage.
64509,194,9,10,"♪ I can't stand it, I know you planned it ♪"
64510,194,9,10,"♪ I'm gonna set it straight, this Watergate ♪"
64511,194,9,10,♪ I can't stand rocking when I'm in here ♪
64512,194,9,10,♪ 'Cause your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear ♪
64513,194,9,10,♪ So while you sit back and wonder why ♪
64514,194,9,10,♪ I got this ... thorn in my side ♪
64515,194,9,10,(shouts)
64516,194,9,10,
64517,194,9,10,NARRATOR: Lily's second tackle of the weekend.
64518,194,9,10,♪ Sabotage.
64519,194,9,10,"Wakey, wakey."
64520,194,9,10,"DAPHNE: Wait, this isn't..."
64521,194,9,10,It's your daughter's school.
64522,194,9,10,You need to go in.
64523,194,9,10,"She asked me not to come, Marshall."
64524,194,9,10,This doesn't make any sense.
64525,194,9,10,Kids don't understand logic.
64526,194,9,10,Kids understand who shows up.
64527,194,9,10,People say children are the future.
64528,194,9,10,I say... oil is the future!
64529,194,9,10,Don't listen to these gutless environmental sissies!
64530,194,9,10,That's my baby. Drill in the oceans!
64531,194,9,10,Thank you. Drill in the wetlands!
64532,194,9,10,Pumpkin head. Drill in the national parks!
64533,194,9,10,You're welcome.
64534,194,9,10,"Drill, baby, drill! Drill, baby, drill!"
64535,194,9,10,"AUDIENCE (chanting): Drill, baby, drill! We should go."
64536,194,9,10,"Drill, baby, drill! Drill, baby, drill!"
64537,194,9,10,"Drill, baby, drill! Drill, baby, drill!"
64538,194,9,10,"Drill, baby, drill!"
64539,194,9,10,You said it was nuts to think that my mom and dad would get back together.
64540,194,9,10,But that's what happened for James.
64541,194,9,10,I've been dreaming of that since I was five.
64542,194,9,10,"Well, that and my own operational Death Star."
64543,194,9,10,But mostly them getting back together.
64544,194,9,10,Why does James get it and I don't?
64545,194,9,10,"Well, think about it."
64546,194,9,10,"You have me, your dad has Cheryl..."
64547,194,9,10,"""So to summarize: ""I'm super dead, ""you should totally bone Loretta, ""and I never loved you, Cheryl,"" which is misspelled."
64548,194,9,10,...but James is going through a divorce.
64549,194,9,10,He just lost his family.
64550,194,9,10,"I-I know you've been dreaming of this, but... maybe he needs ""Mom and Dad"" more than you."
64551,194,9,10,"So, Billy, did you really think you could get away with it?"
64552,194,9,10,"Actually, I did."
64553,194,9,10,Ah. I was gonna give this to Barney and say I'd driven an hour away to get a replacement from an autograph dealer.
64554,194,9,10,"First, I needed an alibi."
64555,194,9,10,So I got Barney's dad a massage but signed in my name.
64556,194,9,10,Then I switched the Gretzky head shot with one of myself.
64557,194,9,10,"I always travel with 2,000 of those handsome devils in the trunk of my car."
64558,194,9,10,"I have so many questions for you, but first... you keep 2,000 head shots of yourself in your trunk?"
64559,194,9,10,"No one ever wants them! They only want the ""good guy's"" autograph!"
64560,194,9,10,"In the '80s, I was the bad guy in every movie."
64561,194,9,10,Do you know what my life has been like?
64562,194,9,10,"Every premiere, when I came on-screen..."
64563,194,9,10,(crowd booing)
64564,194,9,10,"I wasn't a bad guy in real life, just a kick-ass actor."
64565,194,9,10,No one got that.
64566,194,9,10,It happened everywhere I went.
64567,194,9,10,"(crowd booing) Somehow, people always had popcorn."
64568,194,9,10,"25 years of getting crane-kicked in the nuts, until Barney Stinson gave me the best moment of my life."
64569,194,9,10,"Hey. Hey, some issues just came up with Ted, so... will you be my best man?"
64570,194,9,10,Sure. Thanks.
64571,194,9,10,WOMAN: Hello? Mom?
64572,194,9,10,(booing)
64573,194,9,10,"No, no, listen, listen."
64574,194,9,10,I just became somebody's best man.
64575,194,9,10,(gasps) You can come to Thanksgiving this year!
64576,194,9,10,"To Barney Stinson, I wasn't a bad guy."
64577,194,9,10,"To Barney Stinson, I was the best man."
64578,194,9,10,"I thought if Ted screwed up again, I'd have another shot."
64579,194,9,10,But I guess this time I really was the bad guy.
64580,194,9,10,"Hey, Ted, what's so urgent?"
64581,194,9,10,I have something to tell you.
64582,194,9,10,(sighs)
64583,194,9,10,I destroyed that Gretzky head shot and I couldn't fix it. Billy saved the day by getting a new one from an autograph dealer nearby.
64584,194,9,10,A-An hour away.
64585,194,9,10,An hour away. Just be cool.
64586,194,9,10,"Awesome. Thanks, Billy!"
64587,194,9,10,(chuckles)
64588,194,9,10,Ah.
64589,194,9,10,"And, Ted..."
64590,194,9,10,I really appreciate that you told the truth.
64591,194,9,10,Ow... Psych!
64592,194,9,10,"Billy rules, Ted drools, Stinson out."
64593,194,9,10,"You're all right, Mosby."
64594,194,9,10,"NARRATOR: And for an all too rare moment that weekend, everything was all right."
64595,194,9,10,"(elevator thumps, stops)"
64596,194,9,10,(R&B music playing)
64597,194,9,10,♪ Bang bang
64598,194,9,10,"♪ Bangity bang Um, Barney?"
64599,194,9,10,Is this your way of saying you're supporting us?
64600,194,9,10,BARNEY: Yes! Go for it.
64601,194,9,10,♪ I said bang Consummate your love!
64602,194,9,10,"♪ Bang Thanks, bro."
64603,194,9,10,♪ Bangity bang But this is super weird.
64604,194,9,10,Super weird.
64605,194,9,10,♪ Bang bang.
64606,194,9,10,Are we almost there?
64607,194,9,10,Almost there.
64608,194,9,10,"Give me back my wife, you son of a bitch!"
64609,195,9,11,NARRATOR: Marshall and Marvin were taking the bus on their way to Long Island to meet up with us.
64610,195,9,11,"(crying) There, there, little Marvin."
64611,195,9,11,Let no more tears fall.
64612,195,9,11,We're gonna see Mommy in no time at all.
64613,195,9,11,Hello there. I'm sorry for all of the noise.
64614,195,9,11,It's been a long day for the Eriksen boys.
64615,195,9,11,Uh... what's with the rhyming?
64616,195,9,11,I'm glad that you ask.
64617,195,9,11,To get my son sleeping is no easy task.
64618,195,9,11,"A few weeks ago, the job fell to my wife."
64619,195,9,11,"And as the poor baby cried out for dear life, she read every book, but all were no use until she arrived at a mother named Goose."
64620,195,9,11,"Why, Marvin... MARSHALL: She noted."
64621,195,9,11,...these rhymes make you tired!
64622,195,9,11,"And ever since then, all young Marvin's required is one book of rhymes, and to dream land he goes."
64623,195,9,11,"Now, what shall we read?"
64624,195,9,11,"Oh, crap, I left his book in the car!"
64625,195,9,11,(crying)
64626,195,9,11,That blows.
64627,195,9,11,(crying stops)
64628,195,9,11,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x11♪
64629,195,9,11,Bedtime Stories
64630,195,9,11,"Original Air Date on November 25, 2013"
64631,195,9,11,"Oh, no, what a bummer!"
64632,195,9,11,What craptastic luck!
64633,195,9,11,"Without Marvin's rhyme book, this ride's gonna suck!"
64634,195,9,11,Does anyone here have some poetry maybe?
64635,195,9,11,Or any advice? Yeah!
64636,195,9,11,Don't have a baby!
64637,195,9,11,(laughter)
64638,195,9,11,"I guess if I don't want young Marvin to wake up, the rhymes will just have to be ones that I make up."
64639,195,9,11,I'll whip up some poetry in seconds flat!
64640,195,9,11,"Oh, I know!"
64641,195,9,11,This story's called
64642,195,9,11,Mosby at the Bat!
64643,195,9,11,The outlook wasn't brilliant for poor Ted's romantic life.
64644,195,9,11,"He was deep into his thirties, and yet, still he had no wife."
64645,195,9,11,"But then, one day whilst grading papers, life sent him a whammy."
64646,195,9,11,A physics prof named Lisa who'd just moved here from Miami.
64647,195,9,11,Professor?
64648,195,9,11,She asked timidly. He answered:
64649,195,9,11,Call me Ted. Oh.
64650,195,9,11,I don't want to bother you.
64651,195,9,11,"Please, have a seat."
64652,195,9,11,He said.
64653,195,9,11,"I'm fairly new to teaching, and I'm looking for advice."
64654,195,9,11,"Every night I practice giving lectures, sometimes twice."
64655,195,9,11,"But when I teach magnetic force, I just see eyeballs glazing."
64656,195,9,11,"I asked around, and people say your lectures are amazing."
64657,195,9,11,"Which is really saying something, because, architecture? Yawn."
64658,195,9,11,And Ted thought...
64659,195,9,11,"TED: Psh, yeah, 'cause physics is so interesting."
64660,195,9,11,Go on.
64661,195,9,11,"It's just that you're so skilled, and I'm a relative beginner."
64662,195,9,11,"If it isn't too much trouble, can I take you out to dinner?"
64663,195,9,11,"I'd love to get some pointers, and I shouldn't keep you late."
64664,195,9,11,What do you say?
64665,195,9,11,What do I say?
64666,195,9,11,Teddy Westside's got a date!
64667,195,9,11,ALL: Hooray! MARSHALL: We cheered.
64668,195,9,11,Ted's off the bench!
64669,195,9,11,Our boy's back in the game!
64670,195,9,11,"Thank God, it's been a hundred years since Mosby scored a dame."
64671,195,9,11,The last time he saw boobies was the screen-test scene in Fame.
64672,195,9,11,"The last girl he dated, I think ""Righty"" was her name."
64673,195,9,11,Hold it. Let's not all go crazy like some wild berzerkers.
64674,195,9,11,What if this is just a business meal between co-workers?
64675,195,9,11,MARSHALL: Ted thought back on past failed dates.
64676,195,9,11,"Oh, God, that could be true."
64677,195,9,11,How many times have I come home to find my balls are blue?
64678,195,9,11,"It all depends where Ted and his new fetching young Floridian are standing in relation to that puzzling meridian calle,[/i] dThe International Date Line."""
64679,195,9,11,"That's right, new theory."
64680,195,9,11,"""What's that,"" you ask? Nobody did."
64681,195,9,11,I'll now address your query! The date line is the border betwixt happiness and sorrow.
64682,195,9,11,"On this side, you go home tonight."
64683,195,9,11,"On this side, home tomorrow."
64684,195,9,11,"MARSHALL: And then, as Barney made some gestures that were rather rude, Ted left to go meet Lisa, in a rather puzzled mood."
64685,195,9,11,Was this a date?
64686,195,9,11,He simply couldn't tell how he was faring.
64687,195,9,11,Then Lisa showed up.
64688,195,9,11,Ted rejoiced to see what she was wearing.
64689,195,9,11,For girls at business dinners don't have necklines that revealing!
64690,195,9,11,But then a friendly handshake gave poor Ted a sinking feeling.
64691,195,9,11,"And so, the night wore on."
64692,195,9,11,"And back and forth, the globe rotated."
64693,195,9,11,"But still, Ted's curiosity was never fully sated."
64694,195,9,11,How long could this continue?
64695,195,9,11,He was truly fortune's pawn.
64696,195,9,11,Then Lisa saw the TV.
64697,195,9,11,"Hey, the Yankees game is on!"
64698,195,9,11,Of baseball...
64699,195,9,11,Ted observed...
64700,195,9,11,...you seem to have some firsthand knowledge.
64701,195,9,11,To which the lady shrugged and said...
64702,195,9,11,I played softball in college.
64703,195,9,11,"Now the age-old softball stereotype's just that, and nothing more."
64704,195,9,11,Yeah!
64705,195,9,11,"But as the Yankees got a run, Ted feared he wouldn't score."
64706,195,9,11,"For while the date side of the line's the one we all might guess he's in, there'll be no joy in Tedville if our Lisa is a..."
64707,195,9,11,Yes! We win!
64708,195,9,11,Then Lisa took a drink and said...
64709,195,9,11,"This may sound kind of random, but there actually is a reason for my rabid Yankee fandom."
64710,195,9,11,"I guess I'll just be honest here, though crazy it may seem."
64711,195,9,11,"My first week in New York, I dated someone on the team."
64712,195,9,11,Which player?
64713,195,9,11,I'm not saying. Please?
64714,195,9,11,"What are you, a reporter?"
64715,195,9,11,Ted's mind began to race.
64716,195,9,11,The waiter came to take their order.
64717,195,9,11,As Lisa said...
64718,195,9,11,I might like the spaghetti marinara.
64719,195,9,11,Poor Ted just wondered silently...
64720,195,9,11,TED: Mariano Rivera?
64721,195,9,11,MARSHALL: And as she said...
64722,195,9,11,I read this place has great chicken Milano.
64723,195,9,11,All Ted could bring himself to think was:
64724,195,9,11,TED: Alfonso Soriano?
64725,195,9,11,I want something hearty.
64726,195,9,11,How about blackened miso cod?
64727,195,9,11,TED: Is it Joe Girardi?
64728,195,9,11,"Holy crap, is it A-Rod?!"
64729,195,9,11,"Okay, Ted, calm down."
64730,195,9,11,You've got to get yourself together.
64731,195,9,11,"Just smile, be charming, ooze charisma, talk about the weather."
64732,195,9,11,"For this might be a date, which means there might be hanky-panky."
64733,195,9,11,"So, dude, be cool, relax, don't even..."
64734,195,9,11,Just tell me which Yankee!
64735,195,9,11,I'd rather not discuss this here.
64736,195,9,11,"But then again, I'd hate... to let a silly secret ruin such a lovely date."
64737,195,9,11,"If there's an elephant in the room, why don't we just remove it?"
64738,195,9,11,I dated Derek Jeter.
64739,195,9,11,Here's a picture that'll prove it.
64740,195,9,11,"MARSHALL: As Ted looked at that cell phone pic, there were two things he reckoned."
64741,195,9,11,"This definitely was a date, but there wouldn't be a second."
64742,195,9,11,See? It worked.
64743,195,9,11,"I said some rhymes, and out my boy did conk."
64744,195,9,11,Now let's enjoy the ride.
64745,195,9,11,(brakes screech)
64746,195,9,11,"Move, jackass!"
64747,195,9,11,(honk)
64748,195,9,11,(crying)
64749,195,9,11,"Okay, I need a brand-new tale to silence Marvin's chatter."
64750,195,9,11,"I don't know, that last one had some sketchy subject matter."
64751,195,9,11,"Forgive me, but before you got here, did you smoke a joint?"
64752,195,9,11,You don't tell kids a tale that crass!
64753,195,9,11,
64754,195,9,11,NARRATOR: I guess he had a point.
64755,195,9,11,"I know, I said some things that were, as you say, kind of questionable."
64756,195,9,11,"The truth is, children Marvin's age aren't really that impressionable."
64757,195,9,11,Do you remember anything from when you were this small?
64758,195,9,11,Pumpkin picking at age three is the first thing I recall.
64759,195,9,11,Hmm. Huh.
64760,195,9,11,He won't remember this. I guess it's true.
64761,195,9,11,It better be.
64762,195,9,11,Or else we'll end up paying through the nose for Marvin's therapy.
64763,195,9,11,"Okay, buddy, nice chat, but I think I need a break."
64764,195,9,11,Great idea.
64765,195,9,11,After this story!
64766,195,9,11,Robin Takes the Cake.
64767,195,9,11,"Once in an East Side bakery, your debonair Aunt Robin was making other customers think, ""Geez, who let this slob in?"""
64768,195,9,11,"She didn't care about their stares, or who was looking on."
64769,195,9,11,She'd just broke up with...
64770,195,9,11,Kevin.
64771,195,9,11,"No, Gael. Or Scooby?"
64772,195,9,11,Don?
64773,195,9,11,"Now, sometimes, when it rains it pours, and sometimes, it starts snowing, for as cream filling hit her shirt..."
64774,195,9,11,"MAN: Hey, Robin, how's it going?"
64775,195,9,11,"'Twas Simon, her ex-boyfriend from her younger days in Canada, but now, he looked quite different..."
64776,195,9,11,Um...
64777,195,9,11,Rhyme.
64778,195,9,11,Uh... thinking. Uh...
64779,195,9,11,I've just been handed a news flash.
64780,195,9,11,"The word ""Canada"" is unrhymeable."
64781,195,9,11,It's easier to--
64782,195,9,11,I don't know... get drunk and try to climb a bull.
64783,195,9,11,"But Canada, damn it, ask any man on the planet and watch their stammerin' stamina as they clamor and cram it into the middle of a sentence for a shot at repentance, pass the problem on to all their non-rhyming descendants."
64784,195,9,11,I've never met anyone who could clean up after Canada.
64785,195,9,11,Except my Uncle Tony from the Bronx.
64786,195,9,11,He's a janitor.
64787,195,9,11,(applause)
64788,195,9,11,Show-off.
64789,195,9,11,Simon. Nice to see you.
64790,195,9,11,"So, what brings you to New York?"
64791,195,9,11,I live here now. What? Really?
64792,195,9,11,Yeah. That's great.
64793,195,9,11,Can I get a fork?
64794,195,9,11,"MARSHALL: He'd always been a deadbeat and your classic hoser phony, but seeing Simon all cleaned up hit Robin like a Zamboni."
64795,195,9,11,"And as she looked him up and down, young Robin felt a tingle."
64796,195,9,11,Had Simon blossomed finally?
64797,195,9,11,"And if so, was he single?"
64798,195,9,11,So great.
64799,195,9,11,"She purred, whilst batting her eyelashes like a flooze."
64800,195,9,11,"Yup, I'm engaged to Louise Marsh, and our pad's got a Jacuzz!"
64801,195,9,11,"The bakery spinned, the floor dropped out."
64802,195,9,11,The air was thick as syrup.
64803,195,9,11,"Poor Robin swooned, she couldn't breathe, her eyes began to tear up."
64804,195,9,11,"And as she tried to stammer some excuse to get away, Simon said:"
64805,195,9,11,"Our wedding cake is pretty bitchin', eh?"
64806,195,9,11,And so was born the worst idea poor Robin's ever had.
64807,195,9,11,And on Ted's door there came a rapping.
64808,195,9,11,I did something bad.
64809,195,9,11,"As Robin told her tale, Ted knew she'd made a massive boo-boo."
64810,195,9,11,For stealing someone's wedding cake is terribly bad juju.
64811,195,9,11,"Robin, I'm beside myself to see what you've become!"
64812,195,9,11,You must return this cake at once!
64813,195,9,11,I can't! Why not?
64814,195,9,11,'Cause...
64815,195,9,11,Yum.
64816,195,9,11,"Ted gasped, for he had never seen a brazen act so vicious."
64817,195,9,11,"Robin felt remorse, and yet..."
64818,195,9,11,"Oh, God, this is delicious!"
64819,195,9,11,"So one piece led to two, then three, then five, then 17."
64820,195,9,11,She savaged that poor cake like some rapacious wolverine.
64821,195,9,11,"Eating, gobbling, munching, so the frenzied night wore on."
64822,195,9,11,"And by the time your mom arrived, the cake was halfway gone."
64823,195,9,11,I came as soon as I got word.
64824,195,9,11,So how bad is the damage?
64825,195,9,11,See for yourself the product of her cake-in-gullet crammage!
64826,195,9,11,Half a cake?
64827,195,9,11,What have I done?!
64828,195,9,11,The world shall not forgive it!
64829,195,9,11,This day will live in infamy.
64830,195,9,11,I never shall outlive it!
64831,195,9,11,"For I have become the girl that eats her feelings, don't mistake it."
64832,195,9,11,I think I need to get out of this chair before I break it.
64833,195,9,11,Nonsense! Hogwash! Balderdash!
64834,195,9,11,"Said Mommy, with great fervor."
64835,195,9,11,"You can't stop now, for don't you see?"
64836,195,9,11,"To the uninformed observer, you're not some sad cliché, some loser from a chick-lit story."
64837,195,9,11,"You're Robin, and you're half a wedding cake away from glory!"
64838,195,9,11,"If you quit now, then Simon wins, the tale comes to a stop at how you saw an ex, freaked out, and robbed a pastry shop."
64839,195,9,11,"If you have the guts, my dear, it's time to get empowered and be remembered for this sweet behemoth you devoured."
64840,195,9,11,"And years from now, the troubadour will raise his voice and sing of the time that Robin took the cake."
64841,195,9,11,And ate the whole... damned... thing.
64842,195,9,11,"MARSHALL: Once more into the breach she surged, as Ted and Mommy cheered and bite by bite the towering confection disappeared."
64843,195,9,11,Some friends were called to come and watch.
64844,195,9,11,And no one had to beg.
64845,195,9,11,It soon became a party.
64846,195,9,11,Barney even got a keg.
64847,195,9,11,"Forkful after forkful, Robin guzzled French vanilla making noises not unlike those made by a gorilla."
64848,195,9,11,"Ooh, ooh, ooh! Come on, Robin, finish it."
64849,195,9,11,Yeah. MARSHALL: Mom's exhortations rang like Apollo coaching Rocky 'gainst a frosted Clubber Lang.
64850,195,9,11,"Oh, Rocky IV, my favorite."
64851,195,9,11,"No, no, IV is with the Russians."
64852,195,9,11,"No, IV's the one where he talks weird because of his concussions."
64853,195,9,11,"I think that's all of them. Hey now, no need to be discordant. It's Rocky IV."
64854,195,9,11,"No, III."
64855,195,9,11,"No, II."
64856,195,9,11,It's really not important.
64857,195,9,11,At last young Robin raised the final bite up to her lips the crowd grew still.
64858,195,9,11,The only sound was Barney eating chips.
64859,195,9,11,(crunch)
64860,195,9,11,Just one bite left.
64861,195,9,11,"Hey, this is like that scene from Cool Hand Luke. You know, (Southern accent): ""My boy can eat 50 eggs "" Right?"
64862,195,9,11,She's gonna puke.
64863,195,9,11,But Robin did not puke.
64864,195,9,11,"She ate that bite and stood up, proud."
64865,195,9,11,"(wild cheering, whooping)"
64866,195,9,11,Wait. I'm not done yet.
64867,195,9,11,"She shouted, to the startled crowd."
64868,195,9,11,I've bested this here wedding cake.
64869,195,9,11,I'll gladly wear that crown.
64870,195,9,11,But now that I have done that task it's time to wash it down.
64871,195,9,11,"For it's been such an awesome night, there's just one way to cap it."
64872,195,9,11,I'm going to drink this entire keg.
64873,195,9,11,"Okay, Barney, tap it."
64874,195,9,11,Oh! Wow.
64875,195,9,11,"Hup. Ho-o, oh."
64876,195,9,11,MARSHALL: And now that night's remembered not for Robin getting dumped but as the night we took her in to get her stomach pumped.
64877,195,9,11,"And look at that, the little angel's sleeping soundly, Gus."
64878,195,9,11,Looks like our problems...
64879,195,9,11,Pick a lane!
64880,195,9,11,"(honks horn, Marvin cries)"
64881,195,9,11,I hate this stupid bus.
64882,195,9,11,"Marvin, I'm afraid this night is not much of a winner."
64883,195,9,11,"Stuck in traffic, now we've missed the whole rehearsal dinner."
64884,195,9,11,I pray that I was right and that you'll have no memory of this godforsaken ride down the congested LIE.
64885,195,9,11,"At least we know one thing for sure: things can't get worse, I swear."
64886,195,9,11,"Adios, truck stop burrito. Ooh!"
64887,195,9,11,Do not go in there.
64888,195,9,11,"Okay, one more story, and I'll try to tell it pretty."
64889,195,9,11,"The tale of Barney Stinson, Player King of New York City."
64890,195,9,11,"Once upon a time, we all went out to get our drink on."
64891,195,9,11,When who should walk in but a girl with sweater tight and pink on.
64892,195,9,11,She ordered up a beer.
64893,195,9,11,I think you see where this is going.
64894,195,9,11,"As Barney put it, oh so eloquently:"
64895,195,9,11,Boy-oy-oy-oing.
64896,195,9,11,He rose to go approach this girl commanding such intrigue when Mommy interrupted:
64897,195,9,11,"Dude, she's way out of your league."
64898,195,9,11,"She's not in Daisy Dukes, nor squeezed into a Hooters tee."
64899,195,9,11,And I don't see a Curves membership dangling from her key.
64900,195,9,11,"She has no glaring spray tan, no unicorn tattoos."
64901,195,9,11,"She's sipping Chardonnay, not pounding cherry-flavored booze."
64902,195,9,11,"Her makeup isn't running, she's not playing with her hair."
64903,195,9,11,There's very little chance she'll let you put it anywhere.
64904,195,9,11,"Your challenge is accepted, Lil."
64905,195,9,11,"There is no girl too pretty, for I am Barney Stinson, Player King of New York City."
64906,195,9,11,"You can't anoint yourself the king, just like that jerk, LeBron."
64907,195,9,11,He left the Cavs three years ago.
64908,195,9,11,"Bro, give it up, move on."
64909,195,9,11,So why am I king? Glad you asked.
64910,195,9,11,We didn't. Never do.
64911,195,9,11,It's origin story time.
64912,195,9,11,"And trust me, every word is true."
64913,195,9,11,"One morning long ago, I woke up next to a conquest."
64914,195,9,11,"So many great things 'bout this girl: her boobs, her rack, her chest."
64915,195,9,11,"She had a thirst for action, and young Barney was a-quenchin' it."
64916,195,9,11,Is this important to the story?
64917,195,9,11,"No, just thought I'd mention it."
64918,195,9,11,"As I departed, having bid this busty babe buh-bye, I stopped and looked around, and wondered:"
64919,195,9,11,Where the hell am I?
64920,195,9,11,"The sign read 22nd Street, and my concern decreased until a cold wind blew a branch aside, revealing: ""East."""
64921,195,9,11,The East Side. No.
64922,195,9,11,Wh-What have I done?
64923,195,9,11,I stammered with chagrin.
64924,195,9,11,Just then a black sedan pulled up...
64925,195,9,11,You Barney? Yeah.
64926,195,9,11,Get in.
64927,195,9,11,(sighs)
64928,195,9,11,Is any of this true?
64929,195,9,11,"Of course. Now, hang on to your ""chayers."""
64930,195,9,11,For that day I was called before...
64931,195,9,11,the High Council of Players.
64932,195,9,11,"Gentlemen, for your attendance here, our deepest thanks."
64933,195,9,11,"I'm sad to say, this council has a poacher in its ranks."
64934,195,9,11,For Barney here picked up a girl outside his territory.
64935,195,9,11,The East Side is Tuxedo Charlie's turf.
64936,195,9,11,He's mad.
64937,195,9,11,True story.
64938,195,9,11,The Agreement of 2004 quite clearly did define Fifth Avenue to be our hunting grounds' dividing line.
64939,195,9,11,Your West Side college girls are not the slip I park my boat in.
64940,195,9,11,So you should know my East Side debutantes are quite verboten.
64941,195,9,11,(sighs) Members of the council...
64942,195,9,11,Bros... nobody wants a war.
64943,195,9,11,Of course I've not forgotten the agreement of '04.
64944,195,9,11,What can I say? A bonehead move.
64945,195,9,11,Defend it? I'm not able.
64946,195,9,11,"But, bros, have I not been a bro to each bro at this table?"
64947,195,9,11,"My friend from Brooklyn, Pickle Jar Bob, will give some validation."
64948,195,9,11,Remember that young tourist who was looking for Penn Station?
64949,195,9,11,"She'd just come in from Boston, had a wicked good-in-bed look."
64950,195,9,11,I gave her bad directions and she ended up in Red Hook.
64951,195,9,11,"Shut up, Barney. Whoa, Bronx Donnie, let's not get excited."
64952,195,9,11,Tuxedo Charlie's not the only one here who's been slighted.
64953,195,9,11,You told her you were Jeter in your quest to lie upon her.
64954,195,9,11,Impersonating Yankees is my thing.
64955,195,9,11,Have you no honor?
64956,195,9,11,"Gentlemen, please, let's not blow this détente to smithereens."
64957,195,9,11,"Council recognizes Captain Bill, our bro from Queens."
64958,195,9,11,Thank you.
64959,195,9,11,"You all know me, and you all respect my game."
64960,195,9,11,I dress up like a pilot and meet girls in baggage claim.
64961,195,9,11,"And on my long-ass subway ride from 61st and Woodside, I came up with a plan to keep you each other's good side."
64962,195,9,11,"Barney, you have wronged these two."
64963,195,9,11,"So, for the game they're losing, you now must grant them each a West Side hottie of their choosing."
64964,195,9,11,You're kidding.
64965,195,9,11,That's the settlement?
64966,195,9,11,"Come on, that's rather silly. Gentlemen, what say you?"
64967,195,9,11,I want Robin.
64968,195,9,11,I want Lily.
64969,195,9,11,Please. Bronx Donnie?
64970,195,9,11,No chance he could get me in the sack.
64971,195,9,11,Tell that Mafioso I know something he can whack.
64972,195,9,11,"Ladies, don't you worry, your fair legs can all stay closed."
64973,195,9,11,'Cause luckily they took the counteroffer I proposed.
64974,195,9,11,"Well, gentlemen, it seems there's nothing I can say to sway you."
64975,195,9,11,"Charlie, Donnie, say no more, I gladly will repay you."
64976,195,9,11,"Carlotta, some champagne."
64977,195,9,11,Let's toast before we all adjourn.
64978,195,9,11,To boobies.
64979,195,9,11,"Oh, and B-T-dub, y'all just drank poison."
64980,195,9,11,Ha-burn.
64981,195,9,11,(gags)
64982,195,9,11,(maniacal laugh)
64983,195,9,11,"And thus, my friends, I have become, through methods somewhat gory the Player King of New York City."
64984,195,9,11,Boom.
64985,195,9,11,The end.
64986,195,9,11,True story.
64987,195,9,11,"Well, that was great."
64988,195,9,11,Your little story tickled all our ribs.
64989,195,9,11,"But one mistake you made, sir, was forgetting to call dibs."
64990,195,9,11,(gasps)
64991,195,9,11,BARNEY: No! Not fair.
64992,195,9,11,But I'm the king.
64993,195,9,11,"And such a better dresser. TED: Sorry, dude, but that's revenge for Lisa the professor."
64994,195,9,11,(chuckles)
64995,195,9,11,(giggles)
64996,195,9,11,Let's have another round.
64997,195,9,11,Yes. MARSHALL: Your mommy said.
64998,195,9,11,And so we had one.
64999,195,9,11,"The night wore on, and I must say, it wasn't a half bad one."
65000,195,9,11,What memories. Our young and happy hearts were hot as fire.
65001,195,9,11,Feels like a lifetime since those days.
65002,195,9,11,(loud bump)
65003,195,9,11,"BUS DRIVER: Sorry, folks, flat tire."
65004,195,9,11,(Marvin cries)
65005,195,9,11,"Oh, come on."
65006,195,9,11,Now I'm never gonna make it to Nantucket.
65007,195,9,11,(Marvin continues wailing)
65008,195,9,11,(explosions)
65009,195,9,11,"Oh, look a fireworks display."
65010,195,9,11,Some rockets red glare action.
65011,195,9,11,Thank God.
65012,195,9,11,Thought my glaucoma drops were causing a reaction.
65013,195,9,11,"Marvin, I'm so sorry this whole journey's been a bummer."
65014,195,9,11,"Soon you'll be right back in Mommy's arms, as warm as summer."
65015,195,9,11,But sadly while your troubles stop once we get to the inn the moment we arrive is when my troubles will begin.
65016,195,9,11,"Sometimes daddies screw up, sometimes mommies get upset."
65017,195,9,11,I really hope this weekend is a memory you'll forget.
65018,195,9,11,"So look up at those fireworks, enjoy the falling embers..."
65019,195,9,11,"NARRATOR: And that, kids, is the very first thing your cousin Marvin remembers."
65020,195,9,11,"Gentlemen and ladies, it'll be an hour or so..."
65021,195,9,11,(groans) before the truck gets here to give our broken bus a tow.
65022,195,9,11,So in the meantime I suggest we all get nice and cozy.
65023,195,9,11,We're gonna be here for a while.
65024,195,9,11,"Uh, ring-around-the-rosy?"
65025,195,9,11,Yeah!
65026,195,9,11,How far do you suppose it is to the Farhampton Inn?
65027,195,9,11,I'd say about five miles away.
65028,195,9,11,"Oh, no."
65029,195,9,11,What's with the grin?
65030,195,9,11,"NARRATOR: Then Marshall looked up heavenward, and swore by night's first star five simple words he'd soon regret:"
65031,196,9,12,"BARNEY: ""Let's get this party started."""
65032,196,9,12,"Hey, can you push the button?"
65033,196,9,12,Do not touch that button.
65034,196,9,12,Just give it a little push. Don't push it.
65035,196,9,12,Just push it a little. Don't listen to him.
65036,196,9,12,"Half of it, halfway, halfway... Don't even touch it."
65037,196,9,12,Why can't I push the button?
65038,196,9,12,Because whenever Barney sees a button-- any button... as to push it.
65039,196,9,12,(panting)
65040,196,9,12,Sorry.
65041,196,9,12,Why are you so mad?
65042,196,9,12,Because my rehearsal dinner was supposed to start ten minutes ago.
65043,196,9,12,"But instead of stuffing my face with hors d'oeuvres that I have been dreaming about for months, I am in a laser tag security office, waiting for the police to arrest my fiancé for causing a disturbance."
65044,196,9,12,"Hey, you said ""fiancé."""
65045,196,9,12,That's a good sign.
65046,196,9,12,(sighs)
65047,196,9,12,Now what do you say we give that old button a push?
65048,196,9,12,"Take a good look at this face, Barney, okay?"
65049,196,9,12,'Cause it'll be useful for the future.
65050,196,9,12,"This is my ""pretty mad"" face."
65051,196,9,12,"Well, then, we've got a problem."
65052,196,9,12,"'Cause it looks a lot like your ""pretty hungry"" face."
65053,196,9,12,I'm missing the bacon-wrapped figs!
65054,196,9,12,Please push the button!
65055,196,9,12,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x12 ♪
65056,196,9,12,The Rehearsal Dinner
65057,196,9,12,"Original Air Date on December 2, 2013"
65058,196,9,12,Why is it so cold in here?
65059,196,9,12,You trying to get me to talk or something?
65060,196,9,12,Not really.
65061,196,9,12,"In fact, if you could just sit there quietly..."
65062,196,9,12,"Fine, I'll talk."
65063,196,9,12,"It all started a few months ago, when I had the most awesome idea ever."
65064,196,9,12,Laser tag rehearsal dinner!
65065,196,9,12,"That might be the worst idea you've ever had, which is saying a lot."
65066,196,9,12,Name one bad idea I've ever had.
65067,196,9,12,Gluten-free edible panties.
65068,196,9,12,Hot dog on a stick on a bun.
65069,196,9,12,Inflatable s*x toy life raft.
65070,196,9,12,The breast augmentation channel.
65071,196,9,12,Single malt Scotch tape.
65072,196,9,12,The time you ran for mayor.
65073,196,9,12,"I still have 12,000 buttons that say, ""The only poll I care about is in my pants."""
65074,196,9,12,"Barney, planning a wedding is all about compromise."
65075,196,9,12,"Do you remember that one night, right after we got engaged?"
65076,196,9,12,"Where is this wedding gonna be, anyway?"
65077,196,9,12,"You know, I thought it might be nice to get married in Canada."
65078,196,9,12,"I mean, it's where I'm from, and..."
65079,196,9,12,Okay.
65080,196,9,12,"Let's have it. Get it over with, get it all out of your system."
65081,196,9,12,"I'm the groom, I'm the groom, I might as well start."
65082,196,9,12,"Canada? What, are we gonna walk down the aisle to Crash Test Dummies?"
65083,196,9,12,Play's to Marshall.
65084,196,9,12,"Canada? What are you gonna do, hire a regular dog sled or a stretch? (snorts)"
65085,196,9,12,Canada?
65086,196,9,12,Are you registered at Tim Hortons?
65087,196,9,12,LILY: Canada.
65088,196,9,12,"Oh, does the organist play wearing mittens?"
65089,196,9,12,MARSHALL: Canada? How are you gonna slip the ring on the bride's finger if she's wearing mittens?
65090,196,9,12,(laughs)
65091,196,9,12,Two mitten jokes in a row?
65092,196,9,12,"So... you're pretty much done, then?"
65093,196,9,12,NARRATOR: Kids... we weren't even close.
65094,196,9,12,Canada.
65095,196,9,12,What do we ask on the wedding invitation?
65096,196,9,12,"""Will you be having the elk or the moose?"""
65097,196,9,12,Canada.
65098,196,9,12,"What, are you gonna walk down the aisle wearing snowshoes?!"
65099,196,9,12,(laughing)
65100,196,9,12,Canada.
65101,196,9,12,"What, is everyone gonna have access to universal healthcare so no one has to choose between going bankrupt and treating a life-threatening illness?"
65102,196,9,12,Canada?
65103,196,9,12,W-What's the band gonna play for your first dance?
65104,196,9,12,Crash Test Dummies?
65105,196,9,12,(laughing)
65106,196,9,12,"See, it's funn,[/i] ycause who gets a band?"
65107,196,9,12,Enough. It was just an idea.
65108,196,9,12,"Okay, okay."
65109,196,9,12,"Seriously, Robin, doing it here in New York would be easier, since all of our friends and a lot of our family are here."
65110,196,9,12,But... I want you to have the wedding that you want.
65111,196,9,12,So if it's Canada... just say the word.
65112,196,9,12,(stifles a laugh)
65113,196,9,12,And then say it again in French.
65114,196,9,12,(laughing)
65115,196,9,12,See? I compromised.
65116,196,9,12,Fine.
65117,196,9,12,"We'll just have a nice, tasteful rehearsal dinner."
65118,196,9,12,Maybe at a French restaurant.
65119,196,9,12,I know just the place.
65120,196,9,12,What's the name of the restaurant?
65121,196,9,12,La... ser tag.
65122,196,9,12,"You know, I was thinking about what to get you guys for a wedding gift."
65123,196,9,12,"As you know, I'm kind of the wedding gift master."
65124,196,9,12,"And, well, all this talk of the rehearsal dinner gives me a fantastic idea."
65125,196,9,12,I've been meaning to start taking piano lessons again.
65126,196,9,12,No.
65127,196,9,12,No piano time. Guys!
65128,196,9,12,Just let me perform something.
65129,196,9,12,I'll-I'll tickle the keys.
65130,196,9,12,It'll be great.
65131,196,9,12,Not even if you dressed up as Liberace.
65132,196,9,12,What if I dressed up as Liberace?
65133,196,9,12,Sold! Sold.
65134,196,9,12,And that was the end of it.
65135,196,9,12,Until my bachelor party.
65136,196,9,12,Uh-oh.
65137,196,9,12,Let me guess: there was a stripper.
65138,196,9,12,You had a little fun.
65139,196,9,12,Maybe took some ill-advised pictures.
65140,196,9,12,"Next thing you know, she's blackmailing you into bankruptcy, and your medical degree's hanging on the wall of a laser tag security office!"
65141,196,9,12,No.
65142,196,9,12,"The night of my bachelor party, my friends took me to a crappy hotel, hired my ex-fiancée to be the stripper, I lost thousands of dollars, and my best friend even had his hand cut off."
65143,196,9,12,It would've been the worst night of all time if the whole thing hadn't been
65144,196,9,12,"a prank planned by my beautiful, amazing fiancée."
65145,196,9,12,"She put me through hell just to give me the best surprise of my life...which, p.s.,included an appearance by my favorite actor... non-porn category."
65146,196,9,12,"Wow, that sounds pretty cool."
65147,196,9,12,"Yeah. Except pretty not cool, because he kept talking about how he was gonna get me back, and sure enough, a few days later..."
65148,196,9,12,"Robin, there's no good way to say this."
65149,196,9,12,I've made a huge mistake.
65150,196,9,12,I can't go through with the wedding.
65151,196,9,12,What?
65152,196,9,12,(choked up): I'm so sorry.
65153,196,9,12,I-I just... I had to tell you before it was too late.
65154,196,9,12,"Oh, my God, you're serious."
65155,196,9,12,Yeah.
65156,196,9,12,"And since this is my apartment, I think that you should move out."
65157,196,9,12,Fine.
65158,196,9,12,Puppies!
65159,196,9,12,"I know. Great prank, right?"
65160,196,9,12,That is awful.
65161,196,9,12,You're a frickin' weirdo.
65162,196,9,12,Such a weirdo.
65163,196,9,12,"Careful, watch the robe."
65164,196,9,12,"Anyway, for reasons only you guys and Robin but nobody normal like me would understand, she got cranky."
65165,196,9,12,And she laid down the law.
65166,196,9,12,No more surprises.
65167,196,9,12,(weird voice): But you love surprises.
65168,196,9,12,Almost as much as I love lickin' myself!
65169,196,9,12,"That was me talking, not the puppy."
65170,196,9,12,"Barney, the surprises are out of hand and they have to stop."
65171,196,9,12,Deal? But...
65172,196,9,12,Deal? But...
65173,196,9,12,Deal. Butt...
65174,196,9,12,Barney...
65175,196,9,12,Fine.
65176,196,9,12,Deal.
65177,196,9,12,Man.
65178,196,9,12,"This whole ""no more surprises"" thing is so unfair."
65179,196,9,12,Who does that?
65180,196,9,12,"Barney, the ""no more surprises"" thing is the best part of being married."
65181,196,9,12,"It's true. When I wake up in the morning, I know what Lily's breath is gonna smell like."
65182,196,9,12,It's like... roses.
65183,196,9,12,"Do you really want a marriage where you have this paranoia that Robin's hiding around every corner, planning to get you back with some crazy new prank?"
65184,196,9,12,You're absolutely right.
65185,196,9,12,"Thank you, Lily."
65186,196,9,12,"No, th... that was me, over here."
65187,196,9,12,He wasn't listening.
65188,196,9,12,If you guys are saying what I think you're saying...
65189,196,9,12,Probably not. Go on.
65190,196,9,12,...then that must mean...
65191,196,9,12,"No, it doesn't."
65192,196,9,12,...that Robin is planning a surprise laser tag rehearsal dinner!
65193,196,9,12,"Dude, Robin is not planning a surprise laser tag rehearsal dinner."
65194,196,9,12,"Yes, she is."
65195,196,9,12,"No, she isn't. Yes, she is."
65196,196,9,12,"No, I'm not!"
65197,196,9,12,"Yes, she is."
65198,196,9,12,"ALL: No, she isn't."
65199,196,9,12,Then why did she pretend to ridicule it as an idiotic idea?
65200,196,9,12,Because it is an idiotic idea.
65201,196,9,12,"If Robin actually was planning a surprise, don't you think she would tell her maid of honor?"
65202,196,9,12,"She didn't tell yo,[/i] ucause you can keep a secret the way my dentist keeps his car keys."
65203,196,9,12,"You don't know him, but he's lost them... like, twice."
65204,196,9,12,"Actually, just once, and... that time they were in his other pocket."
65205,196,9,12,I can't keep a secret?
65206,196,9,12,"He does have a point, Lily."
65207,196,9,12,You're kind of famous for the old blabbity-blabbity.
65208,196,9,12,
65209,196,9,12,Hey.
65210,196,9,12,How was lunch with Debbie?
65211,196,9,12,Great. She's pregnant!
65212,196,9,12,(gasps) Oops.
65213,196,9,12,I'm not supposed to tell anybody. Why not?
65214,196,9,12,Because she's getting a divorce.
65215,196,9,12,Damn it!
65216,196,9,12,Debbie's getting a divorce?
65217,196,9,12,"Yeah, she walked in on her husband having s*x."
65218,196,9,12,"Oh! Come on, Lily."
65219,196,9,12,"Well, maybe we don't need to know every gory..."
65220,196,9,12,With a man.
65221,196,9,12,"Will you get it together, Aldrin?!"
65222,196,9,12,"You okay, Lily?"
65223,196,9,12,And that guy's the father of the baby.
65224,196,9,12,(sighs)
65225,196,9,12,I gotta go lie down.
65226,196,9,12,"Which brings us to earlier today, when Robin was setting up the decoy rehearsal dinner, complete with fake booze."
65227,196,9,12,"Trying to pass this off as Scotch, and we all know it's apple juice."
65228,196,9,12,(choking): Typical apple juice burn.
65229,196,9,12,"Yes, Barney, the booze is real."
65230,196,9,12,The food is real.
65231,196,9,12,"Ooh, speaking of which, where are the bacon-wrapped figs?"
65232,196,9,12,Probably at...
65233,196,9,12,(clears throat)
65234,196,9,12,"...the laser tag place, where the real rehearsal dinner's going down."
65235,196,9,12,"Isn't that right, Theodore?"
65236,196,9,12,"Barney, there is no laser tag."
65237,196,9,12,"We're gonna have a nice dinner, some drinks, and then, according to Robin, if her Aunt Edith gets drunk enough, she'll take off her wig and they'll play hockey with it."
65238,196,9,12,Poppycock!
65239,196,9,12,"You know how she's gonna do it, and you're gonna tell me!"
65240,196,9,12,Or do I have to get my face even closer to yours?
65241,196,9,12,LILY: Hey.
65242,196,9,12,How come you're not getting uncomfortably close to my face?
65243,196,9,12,"I could be in on it, too."
65244,196,9,12,(both laughing)
65245,196,9,12,"'Course you could, Lil."
65246,196,9,12,I can keep a secret.
65247,196,9,12,"Lily, don't make me laugh."
65248,196,9,12,I'd trust you with a secret as much as I'd trust Marshall with Pop Secret.
65249,196,9,12,I can keep a secret!
65250,196,9,12,I can keep a secret real good.
65251,196,9,12,"I can keep a secret like nobody's business, 'cause it is nobody's business."
65252,196,9,12,"'Cause it's a secret, and I'm keeping it!"
65253,196,9,12,Does Marshall shave his back?
65254,196,9,12,"No, I shave it for him. Damn it!"
65255,196,9,12,Ooh!
65256,196,9,12,I should call Marshall.
65257,196,9,12,I bet he's in on this.
65258,196,9,12,If he really exists.
65259,196,9,12,Okay.
65260,196,9,12,"Setting aside the fact that I've kept your whol,[/i] emoving to Chicago"" thing a secret, aren't you supposed to be dressed like Liberace right now?"
65261,196,9,12,"Okay, first of all, if I showed up in costume, it would steal from the surprise and spectacle of my grand entrance."
65262,196,9,12,"And second of all, I'm not doing that."
65263,196,9,12,Why not?
65264,196,9,12,"Because dressing like Liberace is easy, but..."
65265,196,9,12,"Uh, yes, 4/4, E-sharp... major..."
65266,196,9,12,Okay.
65267,196,9,12,"Let's make something beautiful, shall we?"
65268,196,9,12,(inhales deeply)
65269,196,9,12,I think that's enough for today.
65270,196,9,12,"Okay, I figured out how this is gonna go down."
65271,196,9,12,"We're gonna ""run out"" of ice, and Robin's gonna ask me to go get some, and lo and behold, the only place that sells ice in this whole town is right next to the local laser taggery."
65272,196,9,12,I go inside and... (gasps)
65273,196,9,12,Surprise!
65274,196,9,12,"Beautiful dinner, family and friends, free game tokens and an off-road arcade game that's rigged for unlimited turbos!"
65275,196,9,12,That is the single stupidest...
65276,196,9,12,"Guys, you aren't gonna believe this."
65277,196,9,12,The ice machine is broken.
65278,196,9,12,Is it now?
65279,196,9,12,"Well, dog my cats, what are the chances?"
65280,196,9,12,Huh? What do we do?
65281,196,9,12,"Well, I guess I could go get some ice."
65282,196,9,12,"Uh, no, they'll send someone."
65283,196,9,12,"All right, fine. Twist my arm. I'll do it."
65284,196,9,12,"But seriously, Hmm? did you get everything set up over there?"
65285,196,9,12,"Do you have enough food, have enough guns?"
65286,196,9,12,Did you get a vest extender for Grandma Stinson? She's...
65287,196,9,12,What are you talking about?
65288,196,9,12,"Oh, babe, you're so good at this. I love it."
65289,196,9,12,"All right, I'll see you guys over there."
65290,196,9,12,"I mean, be right back."
65291,196,9,12,"Barney, Barney, this is our rehearsal dinner, okay?"
65292,196,9,12,Do not leave the premises.
65293,196,9,12,Promise me you're not going anywhere.
65294,196,9,12,Fine.
65295,196,9,12,Say it.
65296,196,9,12,Say you promise you won't leave.
65297,196,9,12,I promise I won't leave.
65298,196,9,12,"So I left. And what do you know, the ice store is right next to a laser tag place!"
65299,196,9,12,"No, it isn't! It's six miles away in the opposite direction."
65300,196,9,12,And I told you not to go!
65301,196,9,12,"Yeah, well, you also told me didn't want a ring bear at the wedding."
65302,196,9,12,Ring bear-er!
65303,196,9,12,"We all know how great that's gonna be. The point is, I played along with her plan, and I acted ""natural"" so I wouldn't spoil the surprise."
65304,196,9,12,"Oh, my goodness!"
65305,196,9,12,Laser tag?!
65306,196,9,12,"Maybe I should go in here for a minute, just check it out for no apparent reason."
65307,196,9,12,And what's this?
65308,196,9,12,My hands-free token satchel?
65309,196,9,12,And my free lifetime refill root beer mug?
65310,196,9,12,"So for the past two months when we were letting you use our apartment to practice the piano every Sunday night, what were you doing?"
65311,196,9,12,"Oh, so that's not travelin,[/i] gcause he's the MVP?"
65312,196,9,12,Come on!
65313,196,9,12,Where's Barney? Has anyone seen him?
65314,196,9,12,"Robin, Ted's totally bailing on playing the piano for you and Barney."
65315,196,9,12,"Oh, really? Ted, you didn't have to not do that."
65316,196,9,12,But thank you.
65317,196,9,12,But he promised! A promise is a promise.
65318,196,9,12,You can't say you're gonna do something and then suddenly do something completely different!
65319,196,9,12,Why are you getting so worked up about this?
65320,196,9,12,"Because, obviously, I'm worked up for a different but somewhat similar reason."
65321,196,9,12,And someone should ask me about it!
65322,196,9,12,"I'm sorry. I don't have time for your drama right now, Lily."
65323,196,9,12,My fiancé is missing.
65324,196,9,12,Marshall got picked to be a judge.
65325,196,9,12,He took the job without even asking me.
65326,196,9,12,Italy's off!
65327,196,9,12,I have time for your drama.
65328,196,9,12,"So, Marshall can't go to Italy? Not if he wants to be a judge."
65329,196,9,12,And my Italian was getting so good.
65330,196,9,12,It was so (speaks Italian).
65331,196,9,12,"But wait, you guys already sublet the apartment."
65332,196,9,12,You're already packed.
65333,196,9,12,Marshall already borrowed and lost my Rosetta Stone.
65334,196,9,12,That selfish b*st*rd!
65335,196,9,12,(phone rings)
65336,196,9,12,"Sorry, Lil. Hello."
65337,196,9,12,"Okay, I'm mad, too."
65338,196,9,12,I should hope so.
65339,196,9,12,"All of a sudden, his dream is more important than yours?"
65340,196,9,12,And he did it behind your back.
65341,196,9,12,Bastardo!
65342,196,9,12,He would never hurt me intentionally.
65343,196,9,12,I'll hurt him intentionally.
65344,196,9,12,Molto bastardo!
65345,196,9,12,That's sweet of you to say.
65346,196,9,12,"You could never take Marshall in a million years, but that's sweet of you to say."
65347,196,9,12,"Well, apparently, Barney went to the laser tag place looking for a surprise rehearsal dinner."
65348,196,9,12,"When he didn't find one, he threatened to dunk the snack bar guy's head into a vat of scalding nacho Whiz."
65349,196,9,12,He's being held until the police arrive I need your apple juice.
65350,196,9,12,Ha!
65351,196,9,12,And here we are.
65352,196,9,12,"Now, I believe this charade has gone on long enough."
65353,196,9,12,Can we please get to the surprise laser tag rehearsal?
65354,196,9,12,"Hey, there is no surprise laser tag rehearsal dinner!"
65355,196,9,12,"Okay, but if I may offer an opposing view."
65356,196,9,12,Of course there is!
65357,196,9,12,This place is lousy with clues.
65358,196,9,12,Is he even really a security guard?
65359,196,9,12,Because he looks an awful lot like a non-Pakistani version of the guy who delivers sandwiches at my office.
65360,196,9,12,Also...
65361,196,9,12,"""laser tag"" has the same number of letters as ""rehearsal."""
65362,196,9,12,"Laser tag has eight, rehearsal has nine."
65363,196,9,12,"And if you rearrange the letters and add some other ones, it says, ""Get ready, Barney, for the biggest surprise ever, you handsome son of a..."" and then not quite enough letters for ""bitch,"" but good try, Robin."
65364,196,9,12,"This is crazy, Barney."
65365,196,9,12,We-We can't have a marriage like this.
65366,196,9,12,A marriage has to be built on honesty and trust and all of that Lily-and-Marshall crap.
65367,196,9,12,I though our marriage was built on honesty and trust and all that Lily-and-Marshal crap.
65368,196,9,12,I just feel so alone right now.
65369,196,9,12,"Well, you're not. I'm here."
65370,196,9,12,And I know you can keep a secret.
65371,196,9,12,"(scoffs) Yeah, right."
65372,196,9,12,Tell you what.
65373,196,9,12,How about I let you in on another secret?
65374,196,9,12,Something bigger.
65375,196,9,12,Bigger than Chicago?
65376,196,9,12,Are you kidding?
65377,196,9,12,Nope. Want to do the honors?
65378,196,9,12,"Ladies and gentlemen, there's been a slight change of plan."
65379,196,9,12,Fine! Fine.
65380,196,9,12,"You're right, Robin."
65381,196,9,12,Marriage isn't about playing crazy pranks.
65382,196,9,12,It isn't about telling long expertly crafted lies to cover those pranks...
65383,196,9,12,How'd you get out of those handcuffs?
65384,196,9,12,"...and hiring actors to play security guards and spending exorbitant amounts of money on things like giant, fake laser tag signs."
65385,196,9,12,"No, it's about honesty."
65386,196,9,12,"Size six skate, right?"
65387,196,9,12,Yeah.
65388,196,9,12,"And in that spirit, I got to be honest."
65389,196,9,12,"Every now and then, I am gonna lie to you. I just am."
65390,196,9,12,"If it's in the interest of an amazing surprise, that is."
65391,196,9,12,"You're gonna get bamboozled, hoodwinked."
65392,196,9,12,"Heck, I'll just say it."
65393,196,9,12,You're gonna get snowed.
65394,196,9,12,Why is it snowing in here?
65395,196,9,12,Put on the skates.
65396,196,9,12,We gotta go.
65397,196,9,12,Where?
65398,196,9,12,Where are we going?
65399,196,9,12,"To the rehearsal dinner, silly."
65400,196,9,12,Let's get this party started.
65401,196,9,12,What?!
65402,196,9,12,ALL: Surprise!
65403,196,9,12,What-What is going on?
65404,196,9,12,I know how much you wanted to be in Canada this weekend.
65405,196,9,12,So I brought Canada to you.
65406,196,9,12,"Oh, and here's an autographed picture of Wayne Gretzky."
65407,196,9,12,Thanks.
65408,196,9,12,And this guy's not really a security guard.
65409,196,9,12,♪ Once there was this boy who
65410,196,9,12,"♪ Wore a lot of suits and said that stuff was ""legendary"" ♪"
65411,196,9,12,♪ He gave lots of high fives
65412,196,9,12,♪ And swore...
65413,196,9,12,♪ That he would never get married ♪
65414,196,9,12,♪ He really thought he meant it ♪
65415,196,9,12,Thanks for letting me in on this.
65416,196,9,12,Even if it was at the very end.
65417,196,9,12,My pleasure.
65418,196,9,12,"Oh, and by the way, there's one more secret I've been keeping."
65419,196,9,12,All those nights I was supposed to be taking piano lessons?
65420,196,9,12,I was actually taking figure skating lessons!
65421,196,9,12,"♪ Once, there was this girl who... ♪"
65422,196,9,12,"NARRATOR: Kids, it takes more than two months to learn how to figure skate."
65423,196,9,12,I love you.
65424,196,9,12,"I love you, too."
65425,196,9,12,"I'm gonna get you back, you know? Bring it."
65426,196,9,12,♪ And swore she'd also never get married ♪
65427,196,9,12,♪ She really thought she meant it. ♪
65428,196,9,12,I can't believe you did all of this.
65429,196,9,12,"Hey, I thought you didn't like Canada."
65430,196,9,12,Are you kidding? I love Canada.
65431,196,9,12,"Holy musk ox, is that legendary Canadian doctor Frederick Banting?"
65432,196,9,12,Whoa!
65433,196,9,12,"In 1924, I discovered insulin."
65434,196,9,12,"Take that, diabetes."
65435,196,9,12,"Hey, look, it's Manitoba's native son, Norman Breakey."
65436,196,9,12,"You're welcome, world."
65437,196,9,12,"Enjoy my invention, the paint roller."
65438,196,9,12,"And of course, you know Alan Thicke."
65439,196,9,12,"Hey, hey, you... Oh, hey."
65440,196,9,12,...are the prettiest girl in the place.
65441,196,9,12,"Oh, thank you, Alan."
65442,196,9,12,"All right, all right, all right."
65443,196,9,12,Good to see you.
65444,196,9,12,"Hey, look, it's Louise Poirier, who I think worked for the company that probably created Wonderbra."
65445,196,9,12,(speaks French)
65446,196,9,12,(speaks French)
65447,196,9,12,"Okay, okay."
65448,196,9,12,Canadians also helped win two world wars...
65449,196,9,12,Mm-hmm.
65450,196,9,12,"...and gave the world Neil Young, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen, Pamela Anderson, one quarter of Barney Stinson, instant mashed potatoes, and best of all, you."
65451,197,9,13,"NARRATOR: Kids, when your Uncle Marshall's bus broke down five miles away from the Farhampton Inn, he made a vow."
65452,197,9,13,I can walk that far.
65453,197,9,13,Yes. It was another exciting installment of...
65454,197,9,13,MARSHALL: ♪ Marshall versus the machines
65455,197,9,13,♪ Our hero starts his journey
65456,197,9,13,"♪ With steely-eyed resolve, but let's ♪"
65457,197,9,13,♪ Skip ahead to later
65458,197,9,13,♪ With a slow dissolve
65459,197,9,13,"♪ So tired, dehydrated"
65460,197,9,13,♪ Not making any sense
65461,197,9,13,"♪ But wait a second, why is Bigfoot ♪"
65462,197,9,13,♪ Standing by that fence?
65463,197,9,13,Oh. Hey.
65464,197,9,13,You didn't see this.
65465,197,9,13,♪ I'm not hallucinating
65466,197,9,13,♪ Bigfoot really exists
65467,197,9,13,♪ But everyone knows he quit smoking years ago ♪
65468,197,9,13,"MARSHALL: Oh, crap. I'm losing it."
65469,197,9,13,(vehicle approaching)
65470,197,9,13,(horn honks)
65471,197,9,13,WOMAN: Excuse me. Hey.
65472,197,9,13,You guys need a lift?
65473,197,9,13,NARRATOR: And that's how Marshall met your mother.
65474,197,9,13,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x13 ♪
65475,197,9,13,Bass Player Wanted
65476,197,9,13,"Original Air Date on December 16, 2013"
65477,197,9,13,This is great. The whole gang together.
65478,197,9,13,"Well, almost the whole gang."
65479,197,9,13,"Yeah, there's just one beloved piece of the puzzle missing."
65480,197,9,13,That bottle of 30-year Glen McKenna scotch.
65481,197,9,13,Mmm...
65482,197,9,13,(slurping)
65483,197,9,13,"NARRATOR: So far, that weekend had been fatal for not just one... but two bottles of $600 scotch"
65484,197,9,13,intended for a special wedding toast.
65485,197,9,13,"Also, where the hell is Marshall?"
65486,197,9,13,I still can't believe he took the judgeship behind my back.
65487,197,9,13,"Look, I know this is messy, my dream versus Marshall's dream."
65488,197,9,13,I won't force you guys to choose sides.
65489,197,9,13,"Good, because I totally side with Marshall."
65490,197,9,13,That would've been so awkward.
65491,197,9,13,"Hey, let's go see if they have any Glen McKenna up at the bar."
65492,197,9,13,Okay.
65493,197,9,13,"Hey, look, don't be mad."
65494,197,9,13,"Barney just thinks that if he has a judge friend, he can get all of his citations for public urination thrown out."
65495,197,9,13,How often does Barney pee in public?
65496,197,9,13,A lot.
65497,197,9,13,But don't worry.
65498,197,9,13,I'm on your side.
65499,197,9,13,Aw...
65500,197,9,13,(chuckles)
65501,197,9,13,"What's poppin', mi amigas?"
65502,197,9,13,"ROBIN: Oh, boy, who's this idiot?"
65503,197,9,13,LILY: And which one of us is he gonna
65504,197,9,13,try to make the s*x on?
65505,197,9,13,You both look beautiful tonight.
65506,197,9,13,"ROBIN: Bro, going for the tricycle."
65507,197,9,13,(scoffs) Can you imagine having a three-way with this creep?
65508,197,9,13,(chuckles)
65509,197,9,13,"Yeah, right."
65510,197,9,13,"You, me and this guy, naked, going at it."
65511,197,9,13,Then he gets tired and it's just you and me going at it.
65512,197,9,13,"ROBIN: Uh, Lily... That'd be so stupid."
65513,197,9,13,So stupid...
65514,197,9,13,"ROBIN: Um, okay, I'll shoot him down."
65515,197,9,13,"By the way, I am so psyched for the wedding tomorrow, Robin."
65516,197,9,13,I'm truly honored that you and Barney asked me to be a part of it.
65517,197,9,13,We're honored... you're here...
65518,197,9,13,...valued invitee.
65519,197,9,13,(chuckles)
65520,197,9,13,(chuckles)
65521,197,9,13,ROBIN: Help me. Who is this?
65522,197,9,13,LILY: Maybe he's one of your long-lost Canadian cousins?
65523,197,9,13,"Uh, do you happen to have all of your fingers and teeth?"
65524,197,9,13,Uh... yeah.
65525,197,9,13,(chuckles)
65526,197,9,13,ROBIN: Not one of my cousins.
65527,197,9,13,"Hey, thanks again for picking us up."
65528,197,9,13,It's been a crazy couple of days.
65529,197,9,13,You can't imagine what we've been through.
65530,197,9,13,"Wait, let me guess."
65531,197,9,13,"You were visiting a relative, maybe... your mother?"
65532,197,9,13,"And I'm getting a Midwest vibe, somewhere like... Wisconsin..."
65533,197,9,13,(scoffs)
65534,197,9,13,"...no, Minnesota?"
65535,197,9,13,Wow.
65536,197,9,13,"You're-you're, like, really good at this."
65537,197,9,13,You're planning an overseas trip with your wife.
65538,197,9,13,I'm seeing a... a feisty redhead who loves art.
65539,197,9,13,"She just got a job in Europe, maybe France?"
65540,197,9,13,No. Italy?
65541,197,9,13,(gasps)
65542,197,9,13,"Total shot in the dark, but..."
65543,197,9,13,Rome?
65544,197,9,13,"Maybe I'll just, like..."
65545,197,9,13,I'll get out right here.
65546,197,9,13,(doors lock)
65547,197,9,13,You're not going anywhere.
65548,197,9,13,"No, I'm just messin' with ya."
65549,197,9,13,I rode the train with your wife.
65550,197,9,13,She told me all about you.
65551,197,9,13,You must be Marshall.
65552,197,9,13,Um...
65553,197,9,13,I was checking on the baby.
65554,197,9,13,(laughs)
65555,197,9,13,"(laughing): Wait-wait a minute, wait a minute."
65556,197,9,13,So you guys both got locked out on the roof in your pajamas?
65557,197,9,13,You guys are hilarious and adorable!
65558,197,9,13,LILY: Any idea who this guy is?
65559,197,9,13,"ROBIN: No, but I like that he gets how hilarious and adorable we are!"
65560,197,9,13,LILY: We are hilarious and adorable!
65561,197,9,13,(laughs)
65562,197,9,13,I'll get the next round.
65563,197,9,13,"Oh, thanks."
65564,197,9,13,"Thanks, Lil."
65565,197,9,13,"Hey, I'm sorry if I barged in on you guys."
65566,197,9,13,I can be a little overeager to connect sometimes.
65567,197,9,13,Probably because of my childhood.
65568,197,9,13,Right.
65569,197,9,13,Because of that thing that happened.
65570,197,9,13,My mother died on a hunting trip when I was very young.
65571,197,9,13,"Yeah, that's it, that's the thing."
65572,197,9,13,"Sorry, blah, too heavy!"
65573,197,9,13,(chuckles)
65574,197,9,13,"So, Robin."
65575,197,9,13,What's going on... with you?
65576,197,9,13,"Oh, nothing."
65577,197,9,13,"I mean, uh, nothing big, anyway."
65578,197,9,13,"Hey, hey, hey... this is me you're talking to."
65579,197,9,13,"Well, there is this thing with Lily..."
65580,197,9,13,"You know, Ted, if you really want to get a bottle of Glen McKenna 30-year for Barney, I got that last one at the Farhampton Liquor Store."
65581,197,9,13,The security there is a total joke!
65582,197,9,13,"No, see, I don't want to know that."
65583,197,9,13,I won't be an accomplice to grand larceny.
65584,197,9,13,I am not confirming or denying a thing.
65585,197,9,13,But there's a really high window in the storage room and if you climb up...
65586,197,9,13,"La la la la la, I'm not listening!"
65587,197,9,13,"I love Barney, but I'm not going to jail for him."
65588,197,9,13,What? Really? Why not?
65589,197,9,13,I'd go to jail for you.
65590,197,9,13,"No, you wouldn't. Yes, I would."
65591,197,9,13,Going to jail for your best friend?
65592,197,9,13,That's the dream.
65593,197,9,13,Really?
65594,197,9,13,That's the dream?
65595,197,9,13,"Yeah, it's the most noble... nay, bro-ble... thing a bro can do for a fellow bro."
65596,197,9,13,Mm-hmm.
65597,197,9,13,"So yes, Ted, that's the dream."
65598,197,9,13,"You're too liberal with the phras,[/i] eThat's the dream."""
65599,197,9,13,Name one other time I've said that!
65600,197,9,13,"A suit made of prosciutto so you can eat your way naked, ""That's the dream."""
65601,197,9,13,"A pack of lions fighting a tyrannosaurus, ""That's the dream."""
65602,197,9,13,"Being able to take a whole year's worth of dumps in one, nonstop"
65603,197,9,13,"24-hour period then not having to dump again for the rest of the year, ""That's the dream."""
65604,197,9,13,I never said Dump Day was the dream.
65605,197,9,13,I said science is this close to a pill.
65606,197,9,13,"There can only be one ""the dream""!"
65607,197,9,13,You're saying it's going to jail for a bro?
65608,197,9,13,"You're comfortable with that being the one and only dream, forever?"
65609,197,9,13,Yes.
65610,197,9,13,"Great, now you can never use that phrase again."
65611,197,9,13,"And for me, that's the dream."
65612,197,9,13,"Hey, Lily, Robin just told me about Italy!"
65613,197,9,13,"Oh, yeah, it's gonna be great."
65614,197,9,13,"Well, that is, if I can convince my husband to keep his promise and move there with me."
65615,197,9,13,"Robin, I know you told me you want Marshall to win, but I don't know."
65616,197,9,13,I gotta side with Lily on this one.
65617,197,9,13,"Later, skaters."
65618,197,9,13,Thanks again for saving us.
65619,197,9,13,"Well, I don't normally stop like that, but I just had to for the cutest hitchhiker in the world!"
65620,197,9,13,Thank you.
65621,197,9,13,"Oh, you were talking about Marvin."
65622,197,9,13,"(coos) Sorry, it's been a really, really long day."
65623,197,9,13,"When we get there, I'll buy you a drink."
65624,197,9,13,"Thank you, but, um, after I drop you off, I'm heading back to the city."
65625,197,9,13,What? I thought you said that your-your band's playing the wedding.
65626,197,9,13,Why are you leaving?
65627,197,9,13,The lead singer.
65628,197,9,13,He's the devil.
65629,197,9,13,He's a total fire-starter.
65630,197,9,13,He just ruins people's lives for his own amusement.
65631,197,9,13,"You know, he will walk up to two friends, he will find the one thing that will destroy their friendship and just-- poof!-- burn it to the ground."
65632,197,9,13,Wow.
65633,197,9,13,What's his name?
65634,197,9,13,"What's poppin', mi amigos?"
65635,197,9,13,THE MOTHER: Darren.
65636,197,9,13,You're rooting for Marshall?!
65637,197,9,13,"Well, why don't you just get a Team Marshall T-shirt?"
65638,197,9,13,What size are you?
65639,197,9,13,Extra-traitor?
65640,197,9,13,"No. No, okay..."
65641,197,9,13,What I said was...
65642,197,9,13,"See, all I meant was..."
65643,197,9,13,"God, how did we get here?"
65644,197,9,13,That's the question you're left asking yourself.
65645,197,9,13,"So here's how he does it: First, he makes you feel like you are the most hilarious and adorable person in the world..."
65646,197,9,13,You guys are hilarious and adorable!
65647,197,9,13,TED: I like that he gets how hilarious and adorable we are.
65648,197,9,13,BARNEY: We are hilarious and adorable.
65649,197,9,13,(laughing)
65650,197,9,13,"Next, he finds some flimsy connection with you based on where you're from..."
65651,197,9,13,Cleveland? Yeah.
65652,197,9,13,Galluci's serves the best pepperoni bread! Best pepperoni bread!
65653,197,9,13,And Staten Island!
65654,197,9,13,Guys getting in fights on their front lawns!
65655,197,9,13,It's like you're from there!
65656,197,9,13,
65657,197,9,13,(laughing)
65658,197,9,13,TED: This guy's awesome!
65659,197,9,13,BARNEY: So awesome!
65660,197,9,13,TED: I'd totally go to jail for him.
65661,197,9,13,BARNEY: That hurts.
65662,197,9,13,"Next, he tells you a ""deep personal secret"" that is usually the tragic back-story from an animated kid's film."
65663,197,9,13,My mother died on a hunting trip.
65664,197,9,13,It's often Bambi.
65665,197,9,13,My father was betrayed and killed by a trusted advisor.
65666,197,9,13,Sometimes he'll throw a little
65667,197,9,13,Lion King in there.
65668,197,9,13,I have no family.
65669,197,9,13,But tonight...
65670,197,9,13,I think maybe I found two brothers.
65671,197,9,13,(sobs)
65672,197,9,13,"Sorry, blah, too heavy."
65673,197,9,13,"(crying): That's okay, man."
65674,197,9,13,(crying): Let me get you a drink.
65675,197,9,13,"THE MOTHER: And then, once your guard is down, the emotional prostate exam begins..."
65676,197,9,13,"So, Ted, what's going on... with you?"
65677,197,9,13,"Well... I mean, there was this thing..."
65678,197,9,13,Never mind.
65679,197,9,13,"Hey, hey, hey..."
65680,197,9,13,This is me you're talking to.
65681,197,9,13,"Look, all I meant was that there are two sides here."
65682,197,9,13,"Yes, Italy is your dream, but being a judge is Marshall's."
65683,197,9,13,"Well, that and teaching prop comedy to a tropical bird."
65684,197,9,13,Parrot Top has nothing to do with this!
65685,197,9,13,I don't need objectivity.
65686,197,9,13,"You're my best friend, I just need your support."
65687,197,9,13,I understand. You got it.
65688,197,9,13,(sighs)
65689,197,9,13,I'm sorry.
65690,197,9,13,"Oh, me, too."
65691,197,9,13,Forgot my phone.
65692,197,9,13,"I'm sorry, you guys are probably talking wedding details."
65693,197,9,13,"I mean, no maid of honor's gonna steal the spotlight with her own problem on the bride's big weekend, am I right?"
65694,197,9,13,"Keep it real, homies!"
65695,197,9,13,"You know, he is right."
65696,197,9,13,Why is this all about you?
65697,197,9,13,"I mean, you have been preoccupied with Marshall all weekend."
65698,197,9,13,I have not!
65699,197,9,13,You have been sleeping with a doll made of cushions that you named after him.
65700,197,9,13,Not true!
65701,197,9,13,"After we do our business, I make Marshpillow sleep on the couch!"
65702,197,9,13,"So there! Oh, my God, that is so ridiculous!"
65703,197,9,13,"So, what did Darren do to you?"
65704,197,9,13,"Well, a few years ago, I started this band."
65705,197,9,13,"And, you know, it was a goof... it was just me and a couple of dorks from business school."
65706,197,9,13,I'm actually embarrassed to tell you our name.
65707,197,9,13,"I had an all-lawyer funk band called The Funk, The Whole Funk, And Nothing But The Funk."
65708,197,9,13,"Oh, I now feel very safe talking about my band--"
65709,197,9,13,Super-Freak-Onomics.
65710,197,9,13,Nice.
65711,197,9,13,"(laughs) Anyway, I brought Darren in to split lead vocals, and he took over."
65712,197,9,13,"You know, first he took away my solos, then I got demoted to backup vocals, and now the only time I use a mic is after Darren's first false exit, when I say, ""Do you guys want more Darren?"""
65713,197,9,13,"And then today, I found this ad online."
65714,197,9,13,"""Ass player wanted""?"
65715,197,9,13,Move your thumb.
65716,197,9,13,"Oh, ""bass player wanted."""
65717,197,9,13,"Wait, he was gonna kick you out of your own band?"
65718,197,9,13,Yeah.
65719,197,9,13,But instead...I quit.
65720,197,9,13,You quit?! That's it?
65721,197,9,13,But it's your band... you must be avenged!
65722,197,9,13,"(laughs): Funny you should say that, because as I was leaving the hotel, I ran into someone."
65723,197,9,13,You need to steal this douche monkey's van.
65724,197,9,13,"Aldrin Justice, nice!"
65725,197,9,13,Your wife is cool.
65726,197,9,13,"Oh, the coolest."
65727,197,9,13,"Hey, did she, um, happen to mention the fact that I'm sort of ruining her dream of moving to Italy?"
65728,197,9,13,"Uh, yeah, that did come up."
65729,197,9,13,You need to steal this douche monkey's van.
65730,197,9,13,And then run my husband over with it.
65731,197,9,13,I think you've got a tough talk coming.
65732,197,9,13,"Yeah, well, so do you."
65733,197,9,13,"When we get to the Farhampton Inn, you're gonna go in there and you're gonna stand up to Darren."
65734,197,9,13,"Oh, come on, I Aldrin Justiced him."
65735,197,9,13,"Yeah, but I bet you're just gonna give this van right back to him."
65736,197,9,13,"I mean, were you at least gonna pee in it a little?"
65737,197,9,13,I was gonna gas it up and get it washed.
65738,197,9,13,You're too nice.
65739,197,9,13,I'm the same way.
65740,197,9,13,Sometimes you got to get in there and-and stand up for yourself.
65741,197,9,13,I always cave and side with the other person.
65742,197,9,13,I can't handle confrontation.
65743,197,9,13,"Yes, you can."
65744,197,9,13,You make some good points.
65745,197,9,13,Look.
65746,197,9,13,"I don't know you, but I can tell that you're strong."
65747,197,9,13,That's your band.
65748,197,9,13,Don't let Darren steal it away.
65749,197,9,13,(sighs)
65750,197,9,13,"No, there's no defeating the devil."
65751,197,9,13,He's someone else's problem now.
65752,197,9,13,I'm sorry if I've been distracted this weekend.
65753,197,9,13,"Oh, let's not fight anymore, okay?"
65754,197,9,13,"Oh, good, Robin, you finally told Lily you feel like she's abandoning you as a friend by going to Italy."
65755,197,9,13,Honesty is progress. Stay gold.
65756,197,9,13,I'm not...
65757,197,9,13,"Ooh, Ted."
65758,197,9,13,(indistinct chatter)
65759,197,9,13,"When you move to Chicago, you got to try Gazzola's pizza."
65760,197,9,13,"Namaste, hermanos."
65761,197,9,13,You're moving to Chicago?
65762,197,9,13,Is that even a real place?
65763,197,9,13,It's a style of pizza.
65764,197,9,13,"Ted, you can't live in a pizza."
65765,197,9,13,I got an amazing job offer there.
65766,197,9,13,"Look, Lily knows, but Marshall and Robin don't."
65767,197,9,13,So please keep it quiet.
65768,197,9,13,(loudly): You're moving to Chicago?!
65769,197,9,13,He-he's moving to Chicago!
65770,197,9,13,When do you move?
65771,197,9,13,At least tell me it's not until next year or something.
65772,197,9,13,It's not until...
65773,197,9,13,Monday.
65774,197,9,13,Monday?!
65775,197,9,13,So you are just gonna disappear the day after my wedding?
65776,197,9,13,After ten years of being best friends?
65777,197,9,13,"Well, actually, Marshall's my... Don't even think about it!"
65778,197,9,13,That's fair enough.
65779,197,9,13,You are gonna give me one day's notice?
65780,197,9,13,"Well, I didn't want to upset you on your wedding weekend."
65781,197,9,13,"No, it's good."
65782,197,9,13,It'll be easy to say good-bye now that I know how much I mean to you.
65783,197,9,13,Well... (sighs)
65784,197,9,13,(door closes)
65785,197,9,13,(footsteps approach)
65786,197,9,13,Hey.
65787,197,9,13,Hey.
65788,197,9,13,"Look, I was..."
65789,197,9,13,I was never really rooting for Marshall.
65790,197,9,13,I was rooting to not lose my best friend.
65791,197,9,13,But that's selfish.
65792,197,9,13,"No matter where you go, I'm in your corner and I always will be."
65793,197,9,13,And to prove it...
65794,197,9,13,What are you gonna do with Marshpillow?
65795,197,9,13,Hold his arms back while you beat the goose down out of this b*st*rd.
65796,197,9,13,Because that's what best friends do.
65797,197,9,13,"Thanks, it-it's not gonna help."
65798,197,9,13,Try it. One punch.
65799,197,9,13,"Ooh, that felt good."
65800,197,9,13,Mm-hmm.
65801,197,9,13,(grunting)
65802,197,9,13,"Yeah, that's it, sweetheart."
65803,197,9,13,"Head, body, head. Head, body, head."
65804,197,9,13,"Barney, wait, wait!"
65805,197,9,13,Your friendship is important to me.
65806,197,9,13,I swear on my mother's...
65807,197,9,13,"No, I swear to God."
65808,197,9,13,No... I swear to Hef.
65809,197,9,13,(gasps)
65810,197,9,13,Don't take that name in vain.
65811,197,9,13,"If someone is important to you, you tell them you're moving."
65812,197,9,13,I'm just some guy you used to know back in New York.
65813,197,9,13,Hey.
65814,197,9,13,Whoa.
65815,197,9,13,How...?
65816,197,9,13,That's a $600 bottle.
65817,197,9,13,"Ted, that's grand larceny."
65818,197,9,13,You really could go to jail for this.
65819,197,9,13,That's the dream.
65820,197,9,13,So... you're moving to Chicago.
65821,197,9,13,I'm going to Chicago.
65822,197,9,13,"Why? I know Marshall and Lily might leave, but it's only a year, and in the meantime, we'll still see each other all the time."
65823,197,9,13,"You, me, Robin..."
65824,197,9,13,Oh.
65825,197,9,13,I need a new start.
65826,197,9,13,I'm gonna miss you.
65827,197,9,13,I'm gonna miss you so much.
65828,197,9,13,"Well, here we are."
65829,197,9,13,Good luck in there.
65830,197,9,13,Thank you.
65831,197,9,13,"And don't worry, at the reception, I'll yell, ""The lead singer sucks skunk junk,"" after every song."
65832,197,9,13,(laughing)
65833,197,9,13,"I'll come up with something better than ""skunk junk."""
65834,197,9,13,"No, no."
65835,197,9,13,"""Skunk junk"" is pretty solid."
65836,197,9,13,You can't yell that at the lead singer.
65837,197,9,13,Because I don't suck skunk junk.
65838,197,9,13,"Wait, are you saying...?"
65839,197,9,13,I'm coming in. Darren and I are gonna have a chat about my band!
65840,197,9,13,(whoops)
65841,197,9,13,MARVIN: Skunk junk.
65842,197,9,13,"For the record... Uh-huh. his first word was ""Mommy."""
65843,197,9,13,Mm-hmm.
65844,197,9,13,This is my band. I started it.
65845,197,9,13,"And if anyone is getting fired here, it's you, Darren."
65846,197,9,13,"So hit the bricks, s-skunk... junk."
65847,197,9,13,Is that even a little bit intimidating?
65848,197,9,13,"Nope, and the knitting's not helping."
65849,197,9,13,"I'm sorry, I just met this baby and he needs a hat."
65850,197,9,13,What... (stammers)
65851,197,9,13,You can't fire Darren.
65852,197,9,13,He gets how hilarious and adorable I am.
65853,197,9,13,Plus it is so inspiring how he overcame his mother being eaten by a barracuda.
65854,197,9,13,Gah! It's Finding Nemo.
65855,197,9,13,(sighs)
65856,197,9,13,That's new.
65857,197,9,13,There's no defeating the devil.
65858,197,9,13,"New plan. Linus, if at any point tonight you see me with an empty glass..."
65859,197,9,13,Kennedy package.
65860,197,9,13,It's a very popular choice this weekend.
65861,197,9,13,"Thank you, Linus."
65862,197,9,13,(grunting)
65863,197,9,13,Yup.
65864,197,9,13,"Uh, Lily?"
65865,197,9,13,Lily.
65866,197,9,13,MARSHALL: Lily.
65867,197,9,13,Pause?
65868,197,9,13,Pause.
65869,197,9,13,Hi.
65870,197,9,13,"Thank you, Linus."
65871,197,9,13,Mm-hmm.
65872,197,9,13,There are real villains in this world.
65873,197,9,13,"But they don't always get real justice, do they?"
65874,197,9,13,You want to believe karma's gonna get them.
65875,197,9,13,"All right, who wants a drink?"
65876,197,9,13,I'm stealing.
65877,197,9,13,(all cheer)
65878,197,9,13,But karma doesn't always come through.
65879,197,9,13,I love how strong your marriage is.
65880,197,9,13,"And you don't need to lose weight, Louise, no matter what he told me."
65881,197,9,13,"Catch you on the flip-flop, muchachos."
65882,197,9,13,Oh!
65883,197,9,13,(groans)
65884,197,9,13,(short laugh)
65885,197,9,13,"Sorry, mi amigos."
65886,197,9,13,I guess you have to accept that sometimes in life...
65887,197,9,13,...you just don't get that knockout punch.
65888,197,9,13,(loud punch)
65889,197,9,13,(loud grunt)
65890,197,9,13,(all laughing)
65891,197,9,13,"Hey, can I get some ice?"
65892,197,9,13,The best man just punched me in the face for no reason.
65893,197,9,13,(laughs)
65894,197,9,13,"Oh, what, that's funny to you?"
65895,197,9,13,You know what? I quit.
65896,197,9,13,You can have your stupid band back.
65897,197,9,13,I miss being in a band where people are decent to each other and there's no drama.
65898,197,9,13,I'm going back to the new Guns N' Roses.
65899,197,9,13,"Linus, whoever that best man is, I would like to buy him a double of your finest scotch."
65900,197,9,13,♪ You started a band
65901,197,9,13,♪ That was cool for a while
65902,197,9,13,♪ But it turned pretty bland
65903,197,9,13,♪ I started a fight
65904,197,9,13,♪ With a neighbor next door
65905,197,9,13,♪ And his pesky wife...
65906,197,9,13,Here you go.
65907,197,9,13,Is this from one of you guys?
65908,197,9,13,Nah. Uh-uh. No.
65909,197,9,13,Okay.
65910,197,9,13,♪ And hate even more when you're not ♪
65911,197,9,13,Well... this is incredible.
65912,197,9,13,What is this?
65913,197,9,13,It's the Glen McKenna 35-year.
65914,197,9,13,Wait a minute.
65915,197,9,13,"This whole time, you had Glen McKenna 35-year?"
65916,197,9,13,Why didn't you say something?
65917,197,9,13,You didn't ask about the 35.
65918,197,9,13,"NARRATOR: And, kids, that's the first drink your mother ever bought me."
65919,197,9,13,"Hey, Barney, I'm so sorry I missed your rehearsal dinner."
65920,197,9,13,"Oh, that's okay."
65921,197,9,13,"We didn't even know you weren't here, jerk."
65922,197,9,13,"Listen, I know that I can't make up for being late, but I did get you a-a special gift."
65923,197,9,13,"Well, hand it over, fathead."
65924,197,9,13,"Well, you might want to wait until after the wedding photos."
65925,197,9,13,"Hand it over now, travel breath."
65926,197,9,13,"Okay, Barney, I'll hand it over."
65927,197,9,13,"Oh, God, it's the fourth slap!"
65928,198,9,14,"(""O Fortuna"" playing)"
65929,198,9,14,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x14 ♪
65930,198,9,14,Slapsgiving No. 3: Slappointment in Slapmarra
65931,198,9,14,"Original Air Date on January 13, 2014"
65932,198,9,14,"(""O Fortuna"" playing)"
65933,198,9,14,"NARRATOR: Oh, sorry, kids. I forgot to mention there's a bit of a backstory to this particular slap."
65934,198,9,14,"Oh, man."
65935,198,9,14,Oh.
65936,198,9,14,At least it landed on the mustard stain.
65937,198,9,14,Don't bother. That suit is a stain.
65938,198,9,14,A stain on the very institution of suits.
65939,198,9,14,You know what tie goes with that suit?
65940,198,9,14,The tie at the top of a Hefty bag.
65941,198,9,14,A suit like that only needs one button... self-destruct.
65942,198,9,14,"Hey, I bought him that suit."
65943,198,9,14,Where? Barfs Brothers?
65944,198,9,14,Men's Outhouse?
65945,198,9,14,Giorgio Arms... Are-Not-the-Same-Lengthy?
65946,198,9,14,That suit is a slap in the face to all suits everywhere.
65947,198,9,14,A slap in the face.
65948,198,9,14,"Uh, yes, Barney."
65949,198,9,14,There's something I need to tell you about the next slap that you're going to receive.
65950,198,9,14,"You see, I want this slap to be as painful as humanly possible."
65951,198,9,14,"BOTH: Sure. Sure. Okay, okay."
65952,198,9,14,"Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there."
65953,198,9,14,"Yes, you won a slap bet with me seven years ago."
65954,198,9,14,"And, yes, over the years, you got in some great slaps."
65955,198,9,14,Some great slaps.
65956,198,9,14,But here's the problem.
65957,198,9,14,You've tormented me so much that I am now immune to it.
65958,198,9,14,"Hmm. It's as if my face, my psyche, my soul were covered in that numbing cream we all put on our deals so that we can go all night."
65959,198,9,14,"Am I right, fellas?"
65960,198,9,14,"Okay, we'll all just pretend like we've never done that."
65961,198,9,14,Just like we've never sat on our left hand until it fell asleep and then used it for an away gamer.
65962,198,9,14,Okay.
65963,198,9,14,We'll all pretend like we've never done that.
65964,198,9,14,Just like we've all never taken two live jumper cables...
65965,198,9,14,Please stop.
65966,198,9,14,"Barney, I'm well-aware that you've developed a resistance to all of my old tricks, which is why I sought out special training."
65967,198,9,14,"Hi, hey, I'm sure you get this question all the time."
65968,198,9,14,But is there a special class where I just learn slapping?
65969,198,9,14,We teach kung fu here.
65970,198,9,14,"Right, see, the thing is, I don't need to learn anything about kicking."
65971,198,9,14,You know?
65972,198,9,14,"'Cause, uh..."
65973,198,9,14,"So, yeah."
65974,198,9,14,I'm good there.
65975,198,9,14,"Um, what I really need to learn is slapping."
65976,198,9,14,I need someone to teach me how to slap my friend just like really hard right in his stupid face.
65977,198,9,14,Can you teach me that?
65978,198,9,14,Kung fu is an ancient and honorable martial art.
65979,198,9,14,It must be learned with great devotion and respect.
65980,198,9,14,"So, where are we on this whole slapping thing?"
65981,198,9,14,"Yes, no, maybe...? Get out."
65982,198,9,14,Psst.
65983,198,9,14,I know what you seek.
65984,198,9,14,You seek to learn the Slap of a Thousand Exploding Suns.
65985,198,9,14,"Yes, that's totally a thing I've heard of."
65986,198,9,14,Can you teach me?
65987,198,9,14,"No, but I know who can."
65988,198,9,14,Can you take me to this great master?
65989,198,9,14,I have much gold.
65990,198,9,14,It is not one great master you seek but three.
65991,198,9,14,They will teach you the three mighty virtues of slapistry.
65992,198,9,14,Speed.
65993,198,9,14,Strength.
65994,198,9,14,And accuracy.
65995,198,9,14,"Put these three virtues together, and only then will you have mastered the Slap of a Million Exploding Suns."
65996,198,9,14,"I'm sorry to interrupt, but a second ago, wasn't it the Slap of a Thousand Exploding Suns?"
65997,198,9,14,"Pretty sure I said a million, guys? I heard a million."
65998,198,9,14,He said a million. One million.
65999,198,9,14,MARSHALL: So I went to Shanghai...
66000,198,9,14,You didn't go to Shanghai.
66001,198,9,14,I went to Shanghai.
66002,198,9,14,When did you go to Shanghai?
66003,198,9,14,Last year I went to Shanghai.
66004,198,9,14,You didn't go to Shanghai.
66005,198,9,14,He went to Shanghai.
66006,198,9,14,He didn't go to Shanghai. Totally went to Shanghai.
66007,198,9,14,You didn't go to Shanghai.
66008,198,9,14,So I went to Shanghai.
66009,198,9,14,In search of the first master.
66010,198,9,14,Are you Red Bird?
66011,198,9,14,"BARNEY: Okay, enough."
66012,198,9,14,I know you're trying to freak me out.
66013,198,9,14,"But like I said, it's not working."
66014,198,9,14,So I will give you much gold to stop wasting my time.
66015,198,9,14,"Hold that thought, I just want to see if can fix this."
66016,198,9,14,(song skipping)
66017,198,9,14,(groans)
66018,198,9,14,(all gasp)
66019,198,9,14,ALL: The Slap of...
66020,198,9,14,Ten Million Exploding Suns!
66021,198,9,14,500 Exploding Suns!
66022,198,9,14,Three Billion Exploding Stars!
66023,198,9,14,Whoops.
66024,198,9,14,(chuckles)
66025,198,9,14,(sighs)
66026,198,9,14,(gasps)
66027,198,9,14,"Relax, I'm not gonna slap you right now."
66028,198,9,14,(grunts)
66029,198,9,14,"When I slap you, it shall be beneath a willow tree next to four women and a tiger."
66030,198,9,14,"A willow tree, four women and a tiger?"
66031,198,9,14,What are you talking about?
66032,198,9,14,"Who said anything about a willow tree, four women and a tiger?"
66033,198,9,14,Guys? Nobody.
66034,198,9,14,A tiger? You were totally silent just now.
66035,198,9,14,But Marshall just said that!
66036,198,9,14,What is going on?
66037,198,9,14,How did you do that to the jukebox?
66038,198,9,14,"Wait, it's fake."
66039,198,9,14,"That's a prop jukebox, designed just to mess with me."
66040,198,9,14,"Marshall, that jukebox cost eight grand."
66041,198,9,14,I have much gold.
66042,198,9,14,"Huh, that is much."
66043,198,9,14,"You got lucky, Eriksen."
66044,198,9,14,I don't like this!
66045,198,9,14,I thought that nothing I said or did could intimidate you anymore.
66046,198,9,14,(stammers)
66047,198,9,14,That's right.
66048,198,9,14,It can't.
66049,198,9,14,(sniffs)
66050,198,9,14,(yells)
66051,198,9,14,Itch.
66052,198,9,14,Look.
66053,198,9,14,"If you're really nervous, don't think of it as a slap."
66054,198,9,14,Think of it as a high five. Okay.
66055,198,9,14,For your stupid face.
66056,198,9,14,(Barney crying)
66057,198,9,14,"So, anyway, I'm in the noodle house..."
66058,198,9,14,I'll admit.
66059,198,9,14,"I didn't expect Red Bird, Master of Speed, to be a girl."
66060,198,9,14,You sure you really know how to...?
66061,198,9,14,What is the sound of one hand slapping?
66062,198,9,14,"I'm sorry, I don't understa..."
66063,198,9,14,(slap)
66064,198,9,14,"Wait, how did you...?"
66065,198,9,14,(slap)
66066,198,9,14,"Lucky shot, I wasn't ready..."
66067,198,9,14,(slap)
66068,198,9,14,"You know, that tip isn't a full 20%..."
66069,198,9,14,(two slaps)
66070,198,9,14,"Train me, Red Bird."
66071,198,9,14,Teach me speed.
66072,198,9,14,No.
66073,198,9,14,I retired long ago.
66074,198,9,14,"Retired? You're like, 32."
66075,198,9,14,I am 86 years old.
66076,198,9,14,But slapping is now a part of my past.
66077,198,9,14,"Darn, I really wanted to slap Barney Stinson."
66078,198,9,14,This is to slap Barney Stinson?
66079,198,9,14,"Yeah, okay."
66080,198,9,14,I'll totally teach you.
66081,198,9,14,MARSHALL: And so began my training.
66082,198,9,14,Slap this tree.
66083,198,9,14,Slap the tree?
66084,198,9,14,If you can.
66085,198,9,14,I mean...
66086,198,9,14,Seems pretty easy.
66087,198,9,14,Ooh!
66088,198,9,14,What the...?
66089,198,9,14,Ooh!
66090,198,9,14,The fabled Slapping Tree of Gongqing Forest.
66091,198,9,14,BARNEY: Beg your pardon.
66092,198,9,14,"The ""Fabled Slapping Tree of Gongqing Forest""? Sure."
66093,198,9,14,"Really? ""Fabled."" Mmm."
66094,198,9,14,'Cause I've never heard of it.
66095,198,9,14,I'm pretty sure everybody's heard of it.
66096,198,9,14,Guys? Yup.
66097,198,9,14,"Totally, yeah. I backpacked there in college."
66098,198,9,14,See?
66099,198,9,14,Fabled. It even inspired a popular Chinese children's book.
66100,198,9,14,"It's a poignant parable whose message, is if you love someone, set them free."
66101,198,9,14,But not before first slapping them right in their stupid face.
66102,198,9,14,"As my training continued, I also learned the delicate art of Chinese painting."
66103,198,9,14,That looks nothing like this bowl of fruit!
66104,198,9,14,MARSHALL: My training went on for a year.
66105,198,9,14,A year? A year.
66106,198,9,14,One year? None of us noticed you were stuck in Shanghai for a year?
66107,198,9,14,"I wasn't being held slaptive, I chose to stay and complete my training."
66108,198,9,14,I'm not even gonna...
66109,198,9,14,"Just, whatever."
66110,198,9,14,"You have shown great slaptitude, young one."
66111,198,9,14,You are ready for your final test.
66112,198,9,14,Slap me.
66113,198,9,14,What?
66114,198,9,14,"Slap me, now!"
66115,198,9,14,"No, Red Bird, I can't."
66116,198,9,14,Slap me-- that is not a request.
66117,198,9,14,I won't!
66118,198,9,14,The Vikings will never win the Super Bo...
66119,198,9,14,(slap)
66120,198,9,14,"Wait, how did you...?"
66121,198,9,14,(slap)
66122,198,9,14,Lucky shot.
66123,198,9,14,I wasn't re...
66124,198,9,14,(slap)
66125,198,9,14,That's a big tip.
66126,198,9,14,You must have much gold.
66127,198,9,14,(two slaps)
66128,198,9,14,You are ready for your final step.
66129,198,9,14,"Awesome! Oh, man!"
66130,198,9,14,I can't wait to slap Barney Stinson right across his stupid fa...
66131,198,9,14,(slapping)
66132,198,9,14,What? What did I say?
66133,198,9,14,You must not slap anyone until your training is complete.
66134,198,9,14,The consequences could be dire.
66135,198,9,14,"First, you must meet White Flower, the second master, who will teach you strength."
66136,198,9,14,She lives atop a mountain.
66137,198,9,14,Which mountain?
66138,198,9,14,"No, not Witch Mountain."
66139,198,9,14,Slap Mountain.
66140,198,9,14,"BARNEY: Hate to cut in again here, but..."
66141,198,9,14,Slap Mountain? That's right.
66142,198,9,14,You're claiming there's a mountain in China in the exact shape of a hand?
66143,198,9,14,Everyone knows that.
66144,198,9,14,"Right, guys? True."
66145,198,9,14,Totally. I backpacked there in college.
66146,198,9,14,It's the largest of the Slappalachian Mountains.
66147,198,9,14,(groans)
66148,198,9,14,And at the top...
66149,198,9,14,"Excuse me? Uh, do you know where I can find White Flower?"
66150,198,9,14,How dare you speak that name?
66151,198,9,14,That is the most feared name in 40 villages!
66152,198,9,14,"Really? ""White Flower""?"
66153,198,9,14,"I'm sorry, it's just, it's not exactly Voldemort."
66154,198,9,14,Bro!
66155,198,9,14,"Why don't yo just say ""Candyman"" three times and be done with it?"
66156,198,9,14,Geez!
66157,198,9,14,(fly buzzing)
66158,198,9,14,Awesome!
66159,198,9,14,Can-can you teach me how to do that?
66160,198,9,14,"No, I retired from teaching long ago."
66161,198,9,14,"Retired? You're like, 32."
66162,198,9,14,I am 106 years old.
66163,198,9,14,What is in these noodles?
66164,198,9,14,"I'm sorry, but my slapping days are over."
66165,198,9,14,"Darn, I really wanted this next Barney Stinson slap to be special."
66166,198,9,14,This is to slap Barney Stinson? Mmm.
66167,198,9,14,"Yeah, okay, I'll totally teach you."
66168,198,9,14,The true power of any slap comes from the anger behind it.
66169,198,9,14,"So for a truly devastating slap, you must harvest the anger of many."
66170,198,9,14,"Every time someone who hates Barney slaps you in the face, the power of their anger goes from your face into your hand."
66171,198,9,14,MARSHALL: White Flower and I made love that night in the forest.
66172,198,9,14,"No, sorry. Flag on the play."
66173,198,9,14,You banged White Flower?
66174,198,9,14,I made love to White Flower.
66175,198,9,14,And then I banged her.
66176,198,9,14,In the forest?
66177,198,9,14,"In Gongqing Forest, yes."
66178,198,9,14,Actually right near the Slapping Tree.
66179,198,9,14,Which may or may not have come into play.
66180,198,9,14,"Oh, my God, you had a tree-way?"
66181,198,9,14,"And, Lily, you were okay with Marshall having an affair?"
66182,198,9,14,What happens in the magical Gongqing Forest stays in the magical Gongqing Forest.
66183,198,9,14,Best wife ever.
66184,198,9,14,"Like I was saying, you need to harvest the anger of others into your own slap."
66185,198,9,14,"Now, dig deep."
66186,198,9,14,"Can you think of anyone, anyone at all who hates Barney Stinson?"
66187,198,9,14,(both laughing)
66188,198,9,14,"I know, I know, I almost couldn't get through it with a straight face!"
66189,198,9,14,There are just so many people who hate Barney's guts!
66190,198,9,14,Moving on.
66191,198,9,14,(sighs)
66192,198,9,14,"The point is, you need to go get slapped in the face by a bunch of gullible chicks Barney banged."
66193,198,9,14,I'm a friend of Barney Stinson. Ooh!
66194,198,9,14,I'm a friend of Barney Stins...
66195,198,9,14,I-I'm-I'm a friend of Barney Stinson. Aah!
66196,198,9,14,Ooh!
66197,198,9,14,I'm so sorry.
66198,198,9,14,I thought you said you were a friend of Barney Stinson.
66199,198,9,14,I did. Ooh!
66200,198,9,14,Oh!
66201,198,9,14,Ooh! Wow!
66202,198,9,14,Could you... also... slap me in the face?
66203,198,9,14,"God, you're just as perverted as Barney."
66204,198,9,14,Ooh!
66205,198,9,14,(groans)
66206,198,9,14,And after a while...
66207,198,9,14,Look at this thing... it's all hot and glowy!
66208,198,9,14,I'll never have cold pizza again!
66209,198,9,14,I'll never have cold pizza again.
66210,198,9,14,Silence!
66211,198,9,14,"Sorry, White Flower."
66212,198,9,14,I've just got a slappetite for destruction.
66213,198,9,14,Thanks for everything!
66214,198,9,14,I'm gonna go slap Barney Stinson right in his stupid face!
66215,198,9,14,"Wait, first you must go learn accuracy from the one who is called The Calligrapher in the far-off, mystical land of..."
66216,198,9,14,Cleveland? Cleveland.
66217,198,9,14,Why Cleveland?
66218,198,9,14,It's the city equivalent of being slapped in the face.
66219,198,9,14,Bro.
66220,198,9,14,"Man, is this place a chain or something?"
66221,198,9,14,One for dinner?
66222,198,9,14,"No, I'm here to meet her."
66223,198,9,14,Bro.
66224,198,9,14,Can you teach me accuracy?
66225,198,9,14,I can.
66226,198,9,14,The proper question is: will I?
66227,198,9,14,Grammar is the first step on the thousand-mile journey to accuracy.
66228,198,9,14,"I'm, uh, assuming there's no Mrs. The Calligrapher?"
66229,198,9,14,The path I've chosen is lonesome.
66230,198,9,14,But it's no big deal.
66231,198,9,14,"I prefer being alone, I really do."
66232,198,9,14,Unless you know any single ladies you-you-you could set me up with.
66233,198,9,14,"Nope. Good, because I prefer being alone."
66234,198,9,14,"Also I'm sorry, but I retired from teaching long ago."
66235,198,9,14,"Retired? You're like, 35."
66236,198,9,14,(groans)
66237,198,9,14,I'm 34.
66238,198,9,14,"Oh, sorry."
66239,198,9,14,I use moisturizer every night.
66240,198,9,14,I thought my skin still looked vibrant.
66241,198,9,14,"It does, it does."
66242,198,9,14,"Look, uh, I'm just..."
66243,198,9,14,"I'm really just here to finish my training, um, so, the, uh, look, the truth is, I have a divorced cousin just outside of Akron."
66244,198,9,14,"Now, I wouldn't call Janice easy on the eyes... or the springs of a bathroom scale... but if you want, I could set you up."
66245,198,9,14,"Sold! Now, the most important lesson in learning accuracy..."
66246,198,9,14,(choking)
66247,198,9,14,He was dying right before my eyes.
66248,198,9,14,So I did the only thing that I could think to do.
66249,198,9,14,(stammers)
66250,198,9,14,Please!
66251,198,9,14,I slapped his back.
66252,198,9,14,"And that's when I found out wh,[/i] yNo slapping until your training is complete"" is the most important rule."
66253,198,9,14,Because my slap... was too powerful.
66254,198,9,14,I hadn't learned accuracy and so I couldn't control it.
66255,198,9,14,"And, well..."
66256,198,9,14,No!
66257,198,9,14,Stop it! Just stop!
66258,198,9,14,You did not slap the heart out of a man's body!
66259,198,9,14,If only that were true.
66260,198,9,14,You're saying that you committed a murder?
66261,198,9,14,I was trying to save him!
66262,198,9,14,"Shh, baby, it's okay, you didn't mean to."
66263,198,9,14,He doesn't sleep.
66264,198,9,14,You got to move on. You were only trying to help.
66265,198,9,14,You're making this whole story up.
66266,198,9,14,I wish that I were.
66267,198,9,14,"Because of the tragedy, I never got to finish my training."
66268,198,9,14,I never learned accuracy.
66269,198,9,14,"Because of that, I shall remain... forever... a mere slapprentice."
66270,198,9,14,"What does that mean, baby?"
66271,198,9,14,
66272,198,9,14,NARRATOR: Here's what it meant.
66273,198,9,14,"(""O Fortuna"" playing)"
66274,198,9,14,(Barney gasps)
66275,198,9,14,(yelling)
66276,198,9,14,Damn it!
66277,198,9,14,Please! Somebody!
66278,198,9,14,Help me!
66279,198,9,14,There's a crazy guy trying to slap me and he's...
66280,198,9,14,"Oh, my God."
66281,198,9,14,Four women.
66282,198,9,14,And a willow tree.
66283,198,9,14,At least there's no tiger.
66284,198,9,14,"Oh, my God."
66285,198,9,14,Is that... half a tiger?
66286,198,9,14,You got here early.
66287,198,9,14,Aah!
66288,198,9,14,It's time.
66289,198,9,14,But you never completed your training.
66290,198,9,14,Actually...
66291,198,9,14,Listen to me. I must speak fast.
66292,198,9,14,"Once you've had your heart slapped out of your body, you've only got ten, 15 minutes to live, max."
66293,198,9,14,"Sure. The trick to accuracy is to, like, try to be really accurate."
66294,198,9,14,Okay? Don't just slap.
66295,198,9,14,"Like, like, really try to aim."
66296,198,9,14,"Look where you're slapping, that's important."
66297,198,9,14,And then try to slap that spot instead of some other spot.
66298,198,9,14,"Well, I guess that's pretty much it."
66299,198,9,14,You can slap people now.
66300,198,9,14,(groans)
66301,198,9,14,He's gone.
66302,198,9,14,One other thing.
66303,198,9,14,Cleveland has a lot to offer.
66304,198,9,14,Be sure to check out the James A. Garfield Monument.
66305,198,9,14,"Um, I mean, sure, he was only president for four months before he was assassinated, but if you get up to the top, you can see almost for 30 miles."
66306,198,9,14,As long as the steel factory's not smelting.
66307,198,9,14,(groans)
66308,198,9,14,He's gone.
66309,198,9,14,"No, like I said, ten, 15 minutes."
66310,198,9,14,"Oh, God, this is awkward."
66311,198,9,14,"Yeah, yeah."
66312,198,9,14,"It's like when you're saying good-bye to someone, and then you realize you're both heading in the same direction."
66313,198,9,14,"It's like, what do we, what do we we say good-bye again or...?"
66314,198,9,14,Right...
66315,198,9,14,(groans)
66316,198,9,14,He's gone.
66317,198,9,14,"Wait, are you just pretending so it'll be less awkward?"
66318,198,9,14,"Should I just, like, go?"
66319,198,9,14,Okay.
66320,198,9,14,My training is complete.
66321,198,9,14,I'm ready.
66322,198,9,14,"I'm ready, too."
66323,198,9,14,I love you.
66324,198,9,14,Enough to take this slap for me?
66325,198,9,14,No.
66326,198,9,14,♪
66327,198,9,14,(grunts)
66328,198,9,14,That's four!
66329,198,9,14,All right! Yeah! Oh!
66330,198,9,14,"Good one, you got me that time, bro."
66331,198,9,14,"Yeah, right? Hey, only one slap left."
66332,198,9,14,Crazy! Where did the time go?
66333,198,9,14,"I know, it's, like, uh, slow down, life, you know what I mean?"
66334,198,9,14,(laughter)
66335,198,9,14,"Hey, was that a fake jukebox?"
66336,198,9,14,"Yeah, yeah, fake jukebox. Nice, nice."
66337,198,9,14,"Aw, man. All right."
66338,198,9,14,"You okay? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, good."
66339,198,9,14,"Ladies and gentlemen, Boyz II Men."
66340,198,9,14,♪ Ooh-ooh
66341,198,9,14,♪ Ooh
66342,198,9,14,♪ What is this feeling
66343,198,9,14,♪ That's put you in your place? ♪
66344,198,9,14,♪ A hot red burning
66345,198,9,14,♪ On the side of your face
66346,198,9,14,♪ Ah ♪
66347,198,9,14,♪ You feel the blood rush ♪
66348,198,9,14,♪ To your cheek
66349,198,9,14,♪ Tears start to fill your eyes ♪
66350,198,9,14,"♪ Your lips are trembling, but you can't speak ♪"
66351,198,9,14,"♪ You're trying, oh ♪"
66352,198,9,14,♪ You're trying not to cry ♪
66353,198,9,14,♪ You just got slapped
66354,198,9,14,♪ Whoa
66355,198,9,14,"♪ Across the face, my friend"
66356,198,9,14,"♪ Yeah, you just got slapped"
66357,198,9,14,"♪ Oh, yes"
66358,198,9,14,♪ It really just happened
66359,198,9,14,"♪ Oh, yes, it did ♪"
66360,198,9,14,"♪ Oh, everybody saw it-- ha!"
66361,198,9,14,♪ And everybody laughed and clapped ♪
66362,198,9,14,"♪ Ooh, everybody saw it"
66363,198,9,14,♪ Ha! And everybody laughed and clapped ♪
66364,198,9,14,♪ 'Cause it was awesome ♪
66365,198,9,14,♪ So awesome ♪
66366,198,9,14,♪ The way that you just got slapped ♪
66367,198,9,14,"♪ Ooh, yeah"
66368,198,9,14,♪ Slapped ♪
66369,198,9,14,"♪ Oh, yeah."
66370,199,9,15,(exhales)
66371,199,9,15,(exhales)
66372,199,9,15,"Labor sucks, huh? Yeah."
66373,199,9,15,That fun-sounding name?
66374,199,9,15,It's totally misleading.
66375,199,9,15,(chuckles)
66376,199,9,15,Better have this baby soon.
66377,199,9,15,You know my mom's rule: Nothing good happens after 2:00 a.m.
66378,199,9,15,I don't buy it.
66379,199,9,15,"Just like I don't buy what her son told me: ""Let's go away for one last weeken,[/i] dbefore the baby comes."
66380,199,9,15,"We'll be fine!"""
66381,199,9,15,"Well, I hate to point fingers, but you should never listen to me."
66382,199,9,15,You know that.
66383,199,9,15,That's my bad.
66384,199,9,15,Oh!
66385,199,9,15,Here comes another one. Already?
66386,199,9,15,"Yeah. Yeah yep. Okay, okay, okay."
66387,199,9,15,We should get you to the hospital. Come on.
66388,199,9,15,THE MOTHER: Okay.
66389,199,9,15,"TED: Oh, here we go."
66390,199,9,15,"Sho-sho-shoes, baby-baby-baby..."
66391,199,9,15,"You guys can't still see where Marshall slapped me, can you?"
66392,199,9,15,"Your face looks like a ""don't walk"" signal."
66393,199,9,15,Your face looks like a photo negative of the Hamburger Helper box.
66394,199,9,15,A palm reader could tell Marshall's future by studying your face.
66395,199,9,15,"The phrase ""talk to the han,[/i] dcause the face ain't listening"" doesn't work for you because the hand is on your face."
66396,199,9,15,"A simple ""yes"" would've sufficed."
66397,199,9,15,"LILY: Oh, baby, I missed you so much."
66398,199,9,15,I am so angry!
66399,199,9,15,I am gonna tear you apart tonight.
66400,199,9,15,"I am gonna tear you apart tonight! Okay, okay."
66401,199,9,15,"Look, we said that we wouldn't fight until the gang was all done hanging out, remember?"
66402,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: Ever since Lily heard that Marshall had accepted an offer to be a judge, thus jeopardizing their planned year in Italy, they both knew a big fight was coming."
66403,199,9,15,But when they finally saw each other...
66404,199,9,15,Pause?
66405,199,9,15,Pause.
66406,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: See, Lily and Marshall had a long tradition of hitting ""pause"" on their arguments."
66407,199,9,15,Sometimes they paused because they suddenly had other things to do.
66408,199,9,15,We have to stick to our budget! Okay?
66409,199,9,15,You cannot be out there buying all these Brazilian bikini waxes and Kama Sutra body oils and edible... Pause.
66410,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: Sometimes, they paused to keep their fights from subtly changing subjects."
66411,199,9,15,"Baby, I cannot put up with your shoes being all over the house!"
66412,199,9,15,Why not? I put up with your terrible mother.
66413,199,9,15,(gasps)
66414,199,9,15,Pause! Pause.
66415,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: And now that they were paused, Marshall realized he would do anything to stay paused for as long as he could."
66416,199,9,15,"Okay, time to go to bed."
66417,199,9,15,Big day tomorrow.
66418,199,9,15,Big day tomorrow! Big day tomorrow!
66419,199,9,15,MARSHALL: Screw tomorrow!
66420,199,9,15,"We go big tonight, huh?"
66421,199,9,15,We go big tonight! We go big tonight!
66422,199,9,15,(laughing)
66423,199,9,15,"MARSHALL: I mean, uh... come on, you know, uh, what time is it, anyway?"
66424,199,9,15,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x15 ♪
66425,199,9,15,Unpause
66426,199,9,15,"Original Air Date on January 20, 2014"
66427,199,9,15,"Hey, where's the baby?"
66428,199,9,15,The elevator! The elevator!
66429,199,9,15,(laughs)
66430,199,9,15,"Ah, that joke just never gets old."
66431,199,9,15,And it's not at all inspired by real-life events.
66432,199,9,15,"No, it is not. Mm-mm."
66433,199,9,15,"Anyway, the sitter has Marvin for the night."
66434,199,9,15,Ooh!
66435,199,9,15,"And now... the best thing to come out of my cross-country trip: a little segment I like to cal,[/i] lEmbarrassing Souvenirs I Picked Up From Ted's Childhood Home."""
66436,199,9,15,(Robin giggles)
66437,199,9,15,(Barney laughs)
66438,199,9,15,"""Totally Awesome Ted."""
66439,199,9,15,"What, did you steal this off some other kid named Ted?"
66440,199,9,15,I'm just getting warmed up here.
66441,199,9,15,(laughing): This is fun.
66442,199,9,15,"We're all... you know, it's..."
66443,199,9,15,I'm having fun.
66444,199,9,15,(Marshall chuckles)
66445,199,9,15,"When you squeeze this toy, a recording of Ted says, ""I wuv you, Mommy!"""
66446,199,9,15,"Oh, but that's sweet!"
66447,199,9,15,Why would we make fun of him for that?
66448,199,9,15,He gave it to her when he was 19.
66449,199,9,15,"TED (recorded): I wuv you, Mommy."
66450,199,9,15,(laughing)
66451,199,9,15,"And lastly, a photo of young Ted and his best friend dressed up like cowboys."
66452,199,9,15,"No, oh, all right."
66453,199,9,15,Leave him alone.
66454,199,9,15,His best friend was a balloon.
66455,199,9,15,ROBIN: I want to see that picture more than I want to get married!
66456,199,9,15,(laughing)
66457,199,9,15,I hate you so much.
66458,199,9,15,(deep voice): Oo yah maya stupa koon!
66459,199,9,15,Ho ho ho!
66460,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: Over the years, we'd seen all sorts of levels of Barney's drunkenness."
66461,199,9,15,How you doin'?
66462,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: ""Richard Dawson drunk..."""
66463,199,9,15,"Ah, is this your sister?"
66464,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: ""Big plans with strangers drunk..."""
66465,199,9,15,Hey!
66466,199,9,15,"Me and the Road Dawgs going splitsies on a time share in Flint, Michigan!"
66467,199,9,15,And... non-refundably booked!
66468,199,9,15,Come on! I'm gonna buy you all some mopeds!
66469,199,9,15,Road Dawgs!
66470,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: And ""Marcel Marceau drunk..."""
66471,199,9,15,But we knew the night was over whenever Barney got...
66472,199,9,15,"""Jabba drunk."""
66473,199,9,15,So drunk that his speech bore an uncanny resemblance to that of...
66474,199,9,15,Jabba the Hutt from
66475,199,9,15,Return of the Jedi.
66476,199,9,15,Bo shuda!
66477,199,9,15,Ha ha ha!
66478,199,9,15,"Okay, we have to go to bed."
66479,199,9,15,Big day tomorrow.
66480,199,9,15,Big day tomorrow! Noon-eeg Han Solo!
66481,199,9,15,MARSHALL: Screw tomorrow!
66482,199,9,15,Let's go big tonight!
66483,199,9,15,We go big tonight! Ah wotto potto tapa ho!
66484,199,9,15,"No, Marshall, let's go now."
66485,199,9,15,"Okay, okay, okay, okay."
66486,199,9,15,"Look, I-I guess we have to do this."
66487,199,9,15,"Okay, first off, I know how important Italy was to you..."
66488,199,9,15,Shut up and do me!
66489,199,9,15,"Okay, we have to go to bed."
66490,199,9,15,Yeah.
66491,199,9,15,Yeah. I need to get my ear hair trimmed in the morning.
66492,199,9,15,It's like a rain forest in there.
66493,199,9,15,"Uh, why would you volunteer that information?"
66494,199,9,15,Because it's the truth.
66495,199,9,15,"Also, I peed a little on my tie at the urinal."
66496,199,9,15,"Uh, Barney... who's taller: me or you?"
66497,199,9,15,You're taller. I wear lifts in all my shoes.
66498,199,9,15,"Oh, my God, Robin..."
66499,199,9,15,Barney has reached a whole new level.
66500,199,9,15,"He's ""truth serum drunk."""
66501,199,9,15,He can't lie.
66502,199,9,15,So we can finally get the answers we've always been wondering about.
66503,199,9,15,"Look, I know you said you had to go to bed, but I really think..."
66504,199,9,15,Screw tomorrow!
66505,199,9,15,We go big tonight.
66506,199,9,15,Yeah.
66507,199,9,15,"Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy."
66508,199,9,15,"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait."
66509,199,9,15,We're not unpaused?
66510,199,9,15,Not yet.
66511,199,9,15,Mama needs some Papa.
66512,199,9,15,"But as soon as we're done having s*x, we are having that fight!"
66513,199,9,15,"Wait, so we're... not gonna fight until after we're done having s*x."
66514,199,9,15,Challenge accepted.
66515,199,9,15,"Um, so... just, just to be clear, after we finish having s*x, that's when we'll have our fight?"
66516,199,9,15,That's right.
66517,199,9,15,Excuse me.
66518,199,9,15,"Okay, Marshall."
66519,199,9,15,It's go time.
66520,199,9,15,"You've had great nights of s*x before, most of them with Lily, a few by yourself... and we'll always have that Unscrambled Spice Channel Glitch of '93-- but this has got to be the performance of a lifetime."
66521,199,9,15,Jimi Hendrix at Monterey.
66522,199,9,15,James Brown at the Apollo.
66523,199,9,15,Your law school funk band pretty much anywhere.
66524,199,9,15,So get out there and bang your wife for as long as you possibly can!
66525,199,9,15,Not a good sign that I'm already out of breath.
66526,199,9,15,So... Barney will answer any question we ask him with the truth?
66527,199,9,15,I think so.
66528,199,9,15,"Honey... when that Bryan Adams song came on the radio, did two mosquitoes really fly into your eyes at the same time?"
66529,199,9,15,No.
66530,199,9,15,"I got all choked up thinking about how everything he does, he does it for her."
66531,199,9,15,Checks out.
66532,199,9,15,"Okay, what next?"
66533,199,9,15,"I mean, it's... it's so hard to know where to begin."
66534,199,9,15,"I mean, there are so many..."
66535,199,9,15,What did you do to my mom?!
66536,199,9,15,"BARNEY: Well, that night, we were in my car..."
66537,199,9,15,I was wrong! I can't handle this!
66538,199,9,15,"Uh, just tell me in baseball terms."
66539,199,9,15,I got thrown out trying to stretch a single into a double.
66540,199,9,15,(gasps)
66541,199,9,15,I can live with that.
66542,199,9,15,"How about that time you walked into the bar wearing ""Triple-X-Ray Goggles""?"
66543,199,9,15,"Well, hello, you two lovely ladies."
66544,199,9,15,What are you wearing?
66545,199,9,15,"Oh, hey, Robin, didn't see you there."
66546,199,9,15,"Just Triple-X-Ray Goggles, no big deal. Oh..."
66547,199,9,15,There is no way those things work.
66548,199,9,15,I'm not even here.
66549,199,9,15,Just act natural.
66550,199,9,15,Right.
66551,199,9,15,'Cause that jacket's made of lead.
66552,199,9,15,"Those things didn't work, did they?"
66553,199,9,15,Absolutely. Lily's boobs always work for me.
66554,199,9,15,"Oh, the goggles? No."
66555,199,9,15,Next question.
66556,199,9,15,"You keep saying ""ring bear"" instead of ring bear-er."
66557,199,9,15,Will there or will there not be a bear at our wedding?
66558,199,9,15,The truth is... aggle flaggle klabble.
66559,199,9,15,Wumby flappy snurp...
66560,199,9,15,"Oh, my God, he's dipped back down to Jabba drunk!"
66561,199,9,15,Give him another drink!
66562,199,9,15,Come on.
66563,199,9,15,"Oh, yeah, baby."
66564,199,9,15,I could go all night.
66565,199,9,15,I can't hold out much longer!
66566,199,9,15,What are the least arousing things I can think of?
66567,199,9,15,♪ Day-old roadkill
66568,199,9,15,"♪ Ah, yeah..."
66569,199,9,15,♪ Fingernail
66570,199,9,15,♪ Fingernail clippings
66571,199,9,15,♪ That is some dull stuff
66572,199,9,15,♪ How your TMJ night guard smells in the morning ♪
66573,199,9,15,♪ Nasty
66574,199,9,15,♪ Bugs...
66575,199,9,15,Mmm ♪
66576,199,9,15,♪ More bugs MARSHALL: It's working! It's working!
66577,199,9,15,"Uh-oh, it's working too well."
66578,199,9,15,Think sexy thoughts. Think sexy thoughts!
66579,199,9,15,♪ Bugs with boobs...
66580,199,9,15,"LILY: Marshall, are you all right?"
66581,199,9,15,"You don't seem to be, um..."
66582,199,9,15,"Please, uh, excuse Medium-Sized Fudge."
66583,199,9,15,6 and 3/64 inches.
66584,199,9,15,"Yeah, he's back to telling the truth."
66585,199,9,15,"Okay, Barney, how are you always able to do that magic trick where you make doves appear?"
66586,199,9,15,Special dehydrated birds I get in Chinatown.
66587,199,9,15,I knew it!
66588,199,9,15,(sighs)
66589,199,9,15,Okay. Okay.
66590,199,9,15,Will there or will there not be a bear at our wedding?
66591,199,9,15,The truth is...
66592,199,9,15,"Barney... Oh, come on!"
66593,199,9,15,"I know that you always say that you don't need any kind o,[/i] fhelp"" in bed, but if you, um..."
66594,199,9,15,I always keep these on hand.
66595,199,9,15,But be careful.
66596,199,9,15,"When you go off, there's a kickback like a cannon."
66597,199,9,15,Thank you.
66598,199,9,15,How much a year do you spend on suits?
66599,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: Kids, I won't bother you with the number... but it was a crapload."
66600,199,9,15,Around one crapload.
66601,199,9,15,That much?
66602,199,9,15,Well... aren't you concerned about your future?
66603,199,9,15,Nope.
66604,199,9,15,Especially since Robin is massively wealthy.
66605,199,9,15,Barney! What?
66606,199,9,15,You're rich?
66607,199,9,15,L-Like how rich?
66608,199,9,15,"It's my family's money, not mine."
66609,199,9,15,I-I don't really know how much.
66610,199,9,15,How much is her family worth?
66611,199,9,15,"6,000 craploads."
66612,199,9,15,Canadian craploads.
66613,199,9,15,That much?!
66614,199,9,15,"But when we dated, I paid for everything."
66615,199,9,15,You didn't pay for everything.
66616,199,9,15,He paid for everything.
66617,199,9,15,I pick up our bar tab all the time.
66618,199,9,15,Three times in the last nine years.
66619,199,9,15,I took you out to tons of four-star restaurants.
66620,199,9,15,Two-star restaurants.
66621,199,9,15,"Figuring, on average, two meals out a week plus 20% tip..."
66622,199,9,15,12 and a half percent tip.
66623,199,9,15,Do you know how much money you cost me?
66624,199,9,15,What am I? A prostitute?
66625,199,9,15,You are not a prostitute.
66626,199,9,15,"No, a prostitute would've been cheaper."
66627,199,9,15,Depends on the prostitute.
66628,199,9,15,"Wait, hold on, Ted What are we doing?"
66629,199,9,15,You're arguing about Robin's wealth when you really should be asking me embarrassing questions.
66630,199,9,15,He's right.
66631,199,9,15,Let's do this.
66632,199,9,15,
66633,199,9,15,NARRATOR: And so we did it.
66634,199,9,15,We asked Barney all the questions we'd always wanted to.
66635,199,9,15,In one night? Four.
66636,199,9,15,In one family? Three.
66637,199,9,15,"Yes, but not while she was secretary of state."
66638,199,9,15,"Yes, but not while she was secretary of state."
66639,199,9,15,Just once.
66640,199,9,15,With a French male model Henri.
66641,199,9,15,It was late.
66642,199,9,15,We were the last two people in the club.
66643,199,9,15,"I was lonely and I figured, why not try it?"
66644,199,9,15,That was the only time I ever split a cab.
66645,199,9,15,"Yes, but not the M.I.T. you're thinking of."
66646,199,9,15,The Magician's Institute of Teaneck.
66647,199,9,15,I've had s*x in Ted's bed 14 times.
66648,199,9,15,I asked if you wear shoulder pads.
66649,199,9,15,I think I've just got one question left.
66650,199,9,15,And it's a biggie.
66651,199,9,15,Barney Stinson...
66652,199,9,15,...what do you do for a living?
66653,199,9,15,You did it.
66654,199,9,15,You banged your wife to sleep.
66655,199,9,15,Nice job...
66656,199,9,15,Still-Big Fudge.
66657,199,9,15,"TED: I wuv you, Mommy."
66658,199,9,15,Unpause.
66659,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: Kids, in all the time we knew Barney, there was one question he would always answer the same way."
66660,199,9,15,"Seriously, what is it that you do?"
66661,199,9,15,(chuckles) Please.
66662,199,9,15,"Okay, seriously."
66663,199,9,15,What do you do for a living?
66664,199,9,15,(chuckles) Please.
66665,199,9,15,Are you finally gonna tell me exactly what your job is?
66666,199,9,15,(chuckles) Please.
66667,199,9,15,"So, naturally, this was a pretty big moment for us."
66668,199,9,15,"Well, what do you do for a living?"
66669,199,9,15,Please.
66670,199,9,15,(groans)
66671,199,9,15,"God, he's not telling us."
66672,199,9,15,More booze.
66673,199,9,15,"Not so fast, princess."
66674,199,9,15,I guess subtle clues and the bar tab are two things you just don't pick up.
66675,199,9,15,Because...
66676,199,9,15,I think he is telling us.
66677,199,9,15,Tell us more about this job.
66678,199,9,15,"BARNEY: Well, as you know, back in my hippie days, a business man came into my coffee shop, told me money was all that mattered, and stole my girlfriend."
66679,199,9,15,That's when I decided to become awesome.
66680,199,9,15,But I had no idea how to break into the corporate world.
66681,199,9,15,"So, hoping he wouldn't recognize me, I went to the one person from whom I knew I could learn everything."
66682,199,9,15,"Do we know each other, bro?"
66683,199,9,15,We're all connected in Gaia's great tapestry of...
66684,199,9,15,(clears throat)
66685,199,9,15,No.
66686,199,9,15,We don't.
66687,199,9,15,Bro.
66688,199,9,15,"Wow, you went to M.I.T."
66689,199,9,15,Pretty impressive.
66690,199,9,15,I did get a perfect score on the A.C.T.'s.
66691,199,9,15,Advanced Card Tricks.
66692,199,9,15,"Well, look, buddy."
66693,199,9,15,You got a sweet résumé.
66694,199,9,15,But we don't have any openings you're qualified for.
66695,199,9,15,They set me up! It was a trap! It's a trap!
66696,199,9,15,We have one opening you'd be perfect for.
66697,199,9,15,Great. What do I do?
66698,199,9,15,Please.
66699,199,9,15,"""Provide Legal Exculpation And Sign Everything."""
66700,199,9,15,"Just show up every day, scribble your name on a bunch of documents, and we'll pay you"
66701,199,9,15,16 craploads a year.
66702,199,9,15,Deets are in the contract.
66703,199,9,15,I'll give you time to think about it.
66704,199,9,15,I'll take it.
66705,199,9,15,Hold on.
66706,199,9,15,Did you even read this before signing it?
66707,199,9,15,No.
66708,199,9,15,(laughs)
66709,199,9,15,You're hired.
66710,199,9,15,We'll work on that.
66711,199,9,15,TED: Wait.
66712,199,9,15,That's your job?
66713,199,9,15,"You sign sketchy, legally binding documents that could implicate you for God knows what?"
66714,199,9,15,"Best job ever, right?"
66715,199,9,15,No more pausing.
66716,199,9,15,We're getting through this argument.
66717,199,9,15,Okay.
66718,199,9,15,No potshots at my mom.
66719,199,9,15,"Fine, no distracting me with your calves."
66720,199,9,15,Fine.
66721,199,9,15,"Look, I love you, Lilypad."
66722,199,9,15,"I love you, Marshmallow."
66723,199,9,15,(deep breath)
66724,199,9,15,Now...
66725,199,9,15,(exhales)
66726,199,9,15,...how could you take that job without telling me?!
66727,199,9,15,"Baby, I'm sorry, but they needed an answer right away."
66728,199,9,15,"This is a huge opportunity, it could be very good for our family, and we have to at least talk about it."
66729,199,9,15,"Sorry, you lost your chance to talk about it when you didn't talk about it."
66730,199,9,15,We're going to Italy.
66731,199,9,15,But I could be a judge.
66732,199,9,15,We can't give that up for what is clearly just a hobby.
66733,199,9,15,Pause.
66734,199,9,15,No pause.
66735,199,9,15,"That ""hobby"" is my dream."
66736,199,9,15,We're going to Italy.
66737,199,9,15,But it's my dream to...
66738,199,9,15,We are going to Italy!
66739,199,9,15,"Baby, can you just...?"
66740,199,9,15,We are going to Italy!
66741,199,9,15,Don't you get it?
66742,199,9,15,You went behind my back.
66743,199,9,15,You hurt me.
66744,199,9,15,You were more selfish than I have ever been to you.
66745,199,9,15,You broke up with me and moved to San Francisco.
66746,199,9,15,Barney! You're being stupid.
66747,199,9,15,The-the-the company is setting you up as their fall guy for all of their illegal activities.
66748,199,9,15,"No, you guys are being stupid."
66749,199,9,15,Especially Ted.
66750,199,9,15,What? I didn't say anything.
66751,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: And then, kids, Barney revealed to us his master plan."
66752,199,9,15,It all went down a few months after the wedding.
66753,199,9,15,"Hey, Greg?"
66754,199,9,15,"I know you're busy, but FYI, I've been colluding with the Feds."
66755,199,9,15,They know everything.
66756,199,9,15,And they're on their way up right now to shut down this division and arrest you.
66757,199,9,15,Door closed or...?
66758,199,9,15,What?
66759,199,9,15,Why would you do that?
66760,199,9,15,"Oh, gosh, countless moral reasons... could have applied, but this is pretty much revenge for stealing my girlfriend."
66761,199,9,15,"See? That day, I vowed I would do everything in my power to track you down, gain your trust, and then destroy you."
66762,199,9,15,Who are you?
66763,199,9,15,Who am I?
66764,199,9,15,Just a guy who served you coffee once.
66765,199,9,15,"Peace out, loser."
66766,199,9,15,"♪ Barney Stinson, Barney Stinson ♪"
66767,199,9,15,You son of a bitch!
66768,199,9,15,♪ That guy's awesome ♪
66769,199,9,15,I will destroy you! Get your hands off of me.
66770,199,9,15,♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
66771,199,9,15,♪ Awesome.
66772,199,9,15,Why are you bringing up San Francisco?
66773,199,9,15,That was seven years ago.
66774,199,9,15,Because you are being selfish all over again.
66775,199,9,15,"Marshall, I apologized over and over again."
66776,199,9,15,Now you're saying you never have forgiven me?
66777,199,9,15,There is nothing more important to me than our family.
66778,199,9,15,You know that.
66779,199,9,15,"Well, let me ask."
66780,199,9,15,What if you had found success in San Francisco?
66781,199,9,15,How do I know that you even would've come back to me?
66782,199,9,15,Stop it.
66783,199,9,15,Are Marvin and I and any other future children we may have just some consolation prize?
66784,199,9,15,I have to get out of here.
66785,199,9,15,Babe?
66786,199,9,15,(door slams)
66787,199,9,15,"So, Barney, I still haven't heard you pronounce that last syllable."
66788,199,9,15,"At our wedding, will there be a ring bear-er?"
66789,199,9,15,(deep breath)
66790,199,9,15,The truth is...
66791,199,9,15,"...yes, there will be a ring bear-er."
66792,199,9,15,"His name is Trevor Hudson, I worked with his mother, and he's adorable."
66793,199,9,15,"I want our wedding to be perfect, Robin."
66794,199,9,15,"Me, too."
66795,199,9,15,"Okay, I'm gonna go upstairs."
66796,199,9,15,"He's okay to crash with you, right?"
66797,199,9,15,"Yup, we'll see you in the morning."
66798,199,9,15,Hmm.
66799,199,9,15,I love you.
66800,199,9,15,"I love you, too."
66801,199,9,15,"Okay, I got one last question for you."
66802,199,9,15,And I can't believe I haven't asked it yet.
66803,199,9,15,"Dude, you're getting married tomorrow."
66804,199,9,15,How are you doing? Good.
66805,199,9,15,"I mean, I'm a little nervous, but I love Robin more than I've ever loved anyone, and I'm gonna do everything I can to make her happy."
66806,199,9,15,"For a long time, deep down, I've felt sort of... broken?"
66807,199,9,15,I don't feel that way anymore.
66808,199,9,15,"Robin, along with the idea that vengeance will soon be mine, has made me 100% awesome."
66809,199,9,15,"I'm proud of you, buddy."
66810,199,9,15,Globan froban.
66811,199,9,15,"Ho, ho, ho."
66812,199,9,15,Okay.
66813,199,9,15,"Come on, Jabba."
66814,199,9,15,Big day tomorrow.
66815,199,9,15,(grunts)
66816,199,9,15,Tab for the night?
66817,199,9,15,"Just so you know, those last few rounds of 35-year Glen McKenna were not cheap."
66818,199,9,15,Whoa.
66819,199,9,15,Um... you know what?
66820,199,9,15,Charge them to the bride's room.
66821,199,9,15,Thank you.
66822,199,9,15,Come on.
66823,199,9,15,(muttering)
66824,199,9,15,Let's go. We got you.
66825,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: Kids, it's your grandmother's favorite rule."
66826,199,9,15,Nothing good happens after 2:00 a.m.
66827,199,9,15,"Hi. I-I know it's late, but I've got to get out of here."
66828,199,9,15,Marshall and I just had a huge fight.
66829,199,9,15,You will?
66830,199,9,15,"Oh, my God, thank you."
66831,199,9,15,"Okay, here we go."
66832,199,9,15,"You good, yeah? Yeah."
66833,199,9,15,Okay.
66834,199,9,15,Okay.
66835,199,9,15,Everything is fine.
66836,199,9,15,Okay? Just don't freak out.
66837,199,9,15,I'm not freaking out.
66838,199,9,15,I was talking to myself.
66839,199,9,15,Do you have the baby?
66840,199,9,15,The elevator! What?!
66841,199,9,15,Marshall and Lily are right. It never gets old.
66842,199,9,15,Unless you're crowning.
66843,199,9,15,So proud of you. Thank you.
66844,199,9,15,Penny is proud of you.
66845,199,9,15,Let's go get you a brother.
66846,199,9,15,Okay? Hmm?
66847,199,9,15,You want a brother? All right?
66848,199,9,15,"I love you. I love you, too."
66849,199,9,15,You're gonna be great.
66850,199,9,15,"Yeah, okay."
66851,199,9,15,"NARRATOR: 2:00 a.m., it's a good rule, but every rule has an exception."
66852,199,9,15,"And for us, that exception was you, Luke."
66853,199,9,15,We're having a baby!
66854,199,9,15,(yells)
66855,199,9,15,"Come on, Trevor Hudson."
66856,200,9,16,"You're my best friend, Barney."
66857,200,9,16,"Good. Then, as your best friend, I suggest we play a game I like to call Have You Met Ted?"
66858,200,9,16,"What? Oh, my God."
66859,200,9,16,I'm so stupid.
66860,200,9,16,Stay there. I'm on my way.
66861,200,9,16,"♪ Say, man"
66862,200,9,16,♪ Don't walk ahead of that woman ♪
66863,200,9,16,♪ Like she don't belong to you ♪
66864,200,9,16,♪ Just 'cause her got them little skinny legs ♪
66865,200,9,16,♪ You know that ain't no way to do ♪
66866,200,9,16,♪ You didn't act like that when you had it home ♪
66867,200,9,16,♪ Behind closed doors
66868,200,9,16,♪ All right
66869,200,9,16,♪ Now you act like you're ashamed at a woman ♪
66870,200,9,16,♪ Don't even want nobody to know she's yours ♪
66871,200,9,16,♪ But that's all right ♪
66872,200,9,16,"♪ You just walk on, baby Excuse me. Pardon me."
66873,200,9,16,♪ Because there's some man somewhere who'll take you ♪
66874,200,9,16,"♪ Baby, skinny legs and all I am so, so sorry."
66875,200,9,16,I went to the one on the West Side.
66876,200,9,16,I was beginning to think that you'd forgotten about me.
66877,200,9,16,(laughs)
66878,200,9,16,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x16 ♪
66879,200,9,16,How Your Mother Met Me
66880,200,9,16,"Original Air Date on January 27, 2014"
66881,200,9,16,"NARRATOR: Kids, the night your Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall got engaged, the night I met Aunt Robin, was the night of your mom's"
66882,200,9,16,21st birthday.
66883,200,9,16,Happy birthday.
66884,200,9,16,W-Where's Max? He couldn't get a cab.
66885,200,9,16,"Which is code fo,[/i] rwaited until the last minute to get me a birthday gift."""
66886,200,9,16,Although... he always nails it.
66887,200,9,16,"Two years ago, he got me an exact replica of the Pee-wee's Big Adventure bike."
66888,200,9,16,"And last year, he got me a one-man band suit including knee cymbals."
66889,200,9,16,And these are things you want?
66890,200,9,16,"No, these are things I need."
66891,200,9,16,(phone rings)
66892,200,9,16,"Oh, that's Max."
66893,200,9,16,Uh... I got to take this.
66894,200,9,16,Okay.
66895,200,9,16,"Okay, you're officially super late now..."
66896,200,9,16,"Yes, this is she."
66897,200,9,16,♪
66898,200,9,16,♪
66899,200,9,16,"WOMAN: Okay, this is ridiculous."
66900,200,9,16,You've been sitting around for two years.
66901,200,9,16,It's time to get back out there.
66902,200,9,16,I have not been sitting around. I have been hard at work.
66903,200,9,16,"I think I'm about to enter m,[/i] yRobots Doing Track and Field Events"" period."
66904,200,9,16,It's a very exciting time.
66905,200,9,16,(door closes)
66906,200,9,16,Sweetie.
66907,200,9,16,I love you.
66908,200,9,16,And I can't imagine what it was like going through what you went through.
66909,200,9,16,But these are your 20s.
66910,200,9,16,It's St. Patrick's Day.
66911,200,9,16,The holiday of my people.
66912,200,9,16,You're not Irish. Binge drinkers.
66913,200,9,16,"Now, let's go."
66914,200,9,16,"No, please don't make me go out there."
66915,200,9,16,It's gonna rain.
66916,200,9,16,Bring your umbrella.
66917,200,9,16,(sighs)
66918,200,9,16,(dance music plays)
66919,200,9,16,"How is the bathroom line this long and yet the floor is covered with urine? If there's urine out here, what in God's name is going on in there?"
66920,200,9,16,"Screw this, we're holding it. Let's go dance."
66921,200,9,16,"No, thanks."
66922,200,9,16,This is what I'm talking about.
66923,200,9,16,"The love of your life could be on that dance floor, waiting for you to bump into him."
66924,200,9,16,"If you're not there, he's just gonna bump into someone else."
66925,200,9,16,Somehow I doubt it.
66926,200,9,16,"Oh, I'm sorry."
66927,200,9,16,"No, that's okay."
66928,200,9,16,I'm going in.
66929,200,9,16,"Wait, is that..."
66930,200,9,16,Mitch.
66931,200,9,16,No way. Hi.
66932,200,9,16,What are you doing in New York?
66933,200,9,16,I live here. What?
66934,200,9,16,"Uh, this is my friend, Kelly."
66935,200,9,16,Hey. Hi.
66936,200,9,16,Mitch was my instructor at orchestra camp.
66937,200,9,16,Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. KELLY: Orchestra camp.
66938,200,9,16,It's not as lame as it sounds.
66939,200,9,16,"We also did physics, so... Right."
66940,200,9,16,"So, Mitch, what are you up to these days?"
66941,200,9,16,I'm still teaching orchestra.
66942,200,9,16,I'm at this public school up in the Bronx.
66943,200,9,16,"It's totally underfunded, a lot of the kids can't afford instruments, but I really... Take my cello."
66944,200,9,16,What? Yeah.
66945,200,9,16,"Oh, yeah, you gotta take it."
66946,200,9,16,I haven't played it in years.
66947,200,9,16,It's just sitting in my closet.
66948,200,9,16,Give it to one of the kids!
66949,200,9,16,"Wow, are you sure?"
66950,200,9,16,Do you want to come and get it right now?
66951,200,9,16,Um... okay.
66952,200,9,16,"Okay, great. Let's go."
66953,200,9,16,(laughing)
66954,200,9,16,"Okay, yes, you're doing something nice."
66955,200,9,16,But you're still bailing on me.
66956,200,9,16,"So I guess, karmically... it evens out?"
66957,200,9,16,I'm just worried about you.
66958,200,9,16,Don't be.
66959,200,9,16,Have fun.
66960,200,9,16,And who knows?
66961,200,9,16,Maybe you'll bump into someone tonight.
66962,200,9,16,Oh...
66963,200,9,16,(exhales)
66964,200,9,16,"Girl, I will sham-rock your world."
66965,200,9,16,(laughing): Okay...
66966,200,9,16,I'll...
66967,200,9,16,We'll...
66968,200,9,16,Okay.
66969,200,9,16,"THE MOTHER: Okay, here it is."
66970,200,9,16,I haven't played this since the popular girls locked me inside the case.
66971,200,9,16,Although it was roomier than when I played the violin...
66972,200,9,16,(gasps)
66973,200,9,16,What are you doing?!
66974,200,9,16,I don't know.
66975,200,9,16,What am I doing?
66976,200,9,16,I don't know! What are you doing?!
66977,200,9,16,This is my thing...
66978,200,9,16,It most certainly is your thing.
66979,200,9,16,"Now, please cover your thing up."
66980,200,9,16,Sorry.
66981,200,9,16,I-I meant... this move.
66982,200,9,16,It's my thing.
66983,200,9,16,"I call it ""The Naked Man."""
66984,200,9,16,"A few weeks ago, I was on a date, and it worked."
66985,200,9,16,"And then I was on another date and it worked again, so I figured it would work all the time."
66986,200,9,16,"Well, now you know it doesn't work all the time."
66987,200,9,16,Yeah.
66988,200,9,16,Although two out of three...
66989,200,9,16,Is this what it's gonna be like?
66990,200,9,16,Being single in New York?
66991,200,9,16,Even the nice guys turn out to be total creeps?
66992,200,9,16,I have gotten pretty creepy since I moved here.
66993,200,9,16,I feel so lost right now.
66994,200,9,16,I don't even know what I'm doing with my life.
66995,200,9,16,Can I tell you an embarrassing story?
66996,200,9,16,Is it this one?
66997,200,9,16,Taking place right now?
66998,200,9,16,"I felt lost for a long time, too."
66999,200,9,16,I was living in my parents' basement.
67000,200,9,16,"Playing video games, mastur... ing those games, until I finally woke up and realized I wanted to follow my dream of teaching music."
67001,200,9,16,Let me save you a few years.
67002,200,9,16,Even if it sound completely crazy... what is it you want to do with your life?
67003,200,9,16,I want to end poverty.
67004,200,9,16,Great.
67005,200,9,16,Then every decision you make from here on out should be in service of that.
67006,200,9,16,Wow.
67007,200,9,16,Thanks.
67008,200,9,16,"You know, for a minute there, I totally forgot you were naked."
67009,200,9,16,(laughs)
67010,200,9,16,In a way... aren't we all naked?
67011,200,9,16,"Yeah, but your balls are on my couch."
67012,200,9,16,Hug? I will take a rain check.
67013,200,9,16,It's raining now.
67014,200,9,16,(gasps)
67015,200,9,16,"Oh, my umbrella! Oh! Uh..."
67016,200,9,16,I will be right back.
67017,200,9,16,Um... long story.
67018,200,9,16,(door closes)
67019,200,9,16,"Nothing happened, I swear."
67020,200,9,16,Then why are you naked?
67021,200,9,16,"Oh, what the hell?"
67022,200,9,16,"THE MOTHER: When I got to the club, it had already closed."
67023,200,9,16,"By the next day, some super inconsiderate person had taken my umbrella."
67024,200,9,16,"But by that point, I didn't care."
67025,200,9,16,"I knew that if I really wanted to end poverty,"
67026,200,9,16,I had to get a degree in economics.
67027,200,9,16,"So... to answer your question, that's how I got here."
67028,200,9,16,"I meant, how did you get here from the subway station?"
67029,200,9,16,Oh.
67030,200,9,16,"But I'm only askin,[/i] gcause I just moved to town."
67031,200,9,16,I don't even have a place to live yet.
67032,200,9,16,"Yeah, you do."
67033,200,9,16,Come live with me.
67034,200,9,16,My roommate just moved out.
67035,200,9,16,Are you sure?
67036,200,9,16,You just met me.
67037,200,9,16,I could be a serial killer.
67038,200,9,16,I like to believe in people.
67039,200,9,16,"Plus, what are the chances that we're both serial killers?"
67040,200,9,16,(laughs)
67041,200,9,16,Just promise me there won't be any naked men in the living room.
67042,200,9,16,Not a problem.
67043,200,9,16,I'm on permanent hiatus in the love department.
67044,200,9,16,Really?
67045,200,9,16,I find that hard to believe.
67046,200,9,16,I guess I'm old-fashioned.
67047,200,9,16,I believe that each of us only gets one.
67048,200,9,16,And I got mine already.
67049,200,9,16,"Well, if you ask me, you know what comes after the one?"
67050,200,9,16,The next one.
67051,200,9,16,"(laughing): Oh, yeah."
67052,200,9,16,"Well, I don't really see that happening any time soon."
67053,200,9,16,Hi.
67054,200,9,16,Is this room seven?
67055,200,9,16,"And so, if you must bring food to this class, please bring enough for everyone."
67056,200,9,16,"I don't want to see someone eating, say, lobster, in the front row without sharing with the rest of of us."
67057,200,9,16,Because that... would be shellfish.
67058,200,9,16,(laughs)
67059,200,9,16,"Come on, that was funny."
67060,200,9,16,Anyway... (clears throat)
67061,200,9,16,...this is Architecture 101.
67062,200,9,16,Architecture 101?
67063,200,9,16,"Oh, no, I'm in the wrong class! I have to go!"
67064,200,9,16,"Oh, sorry."
67065,200,9,16,Um...
67066,200,9,16,"Oh, God."
67067,200,9,16,"Wait, I was in the right class."
67068,200,9,16,"First day as a professor, wrong classroom, coming through!"
67069,200,9,16,TED: You play bass?
67070,200,9,16,"Seriously, ask my friends."
67071,200,9,16,I always say my ideal woman...
67072,200,9,16,"...does not play bass, because this is clearly your roommate's."
67073,200,9,16,She's in a band.
67074,200,9,16,"Damn, that's cool."
67075,200,9,16,This is unbelievable.
67076,200,9,16,You just picked out the only three things in here that are my roommate's.
67077,200,9,16,So does your roommate's band ever play shows or...
67078,200,9,16,Get out. All right.
67079,200,9,16,"Okay, this is crazy."
67080,200,9,16,Do you know where this umbrella came from?
67081,200,9,16,Because I could've sworn that I...
67082,200,9,16,What's wrong?
67083,200,9,16,Are you okay?
67084,200,9,16,We broke up.
67085,200,9,16,"Oh... well, I never liked him, and I never thought he deserved you, and..."
67086,200,9,16,"I am sorry, I didn't know you were dating someone."
67087,200,9,16,Who was this?
67088,200,9,16,He was the architecture professor.
67089,200,9,16,The one who taught Econ 305 by accident.
67090,200,9,16,Oh.
67091,200,9,16,That guy?
67092,200,9,16,Why did you break up?
67093,200,9,16,He's got a thing for you.
67094,200,9,16,What?
67095,200,9,16,"Yeah, what?"
67096,200,9,16,He's... what?
67097,200,9,16,"How... um, how could he have a thing for me?"
67098,200,9,16,He's never even met me.
67099,200,9,16,He didn't have to.
67100,200,9,16,"Everything he saw of yours, he went crazy for."
67101,200,9,16,You should've brought him to my room.
67102,200,9,16,"Okay? He would've run screaming once he saw my calligraphy set, my coin collection, my chain-mail corset from the Renaissance Faire."
67103,200,9,16,"Well, that's pretty cool."
67104,200,9,16,Come on.
67105,200,9,16,How could he not be in love with you?
67106,200,9,16,The way you fall asleep on the couch when you're doing the crossword.
67107,200,9,16,When did he see me fall asleep on...
67108,200,9,16,The way your hair smells.
67109,200,9,16,The way your eyes sparkle.
67110,200,9,16,I might have some stuff to figure out.
67111,200,9,16,You might. I'm so sorry!
67112,200,9,16,"No, uh, it's okay."
67113,200,9,16,It was nice.
67114,200,9,16,I haven't been kissed in a really long time.
67115,200,9,16,"Not long after that, she met a nice girl and they fell in love, so it's a happy ending... for Cindy anyway."
67116,200,9,16,"I, however, am left without a roommate, so here we are."
67117,200,9,16,(chuckles)
67118,200,9,16,I have a confession.
67119,200,9,16,"Uh, I don't need a place to live."
67120,200,9,16,"I saw your ad for the roommate, and I just..."
67121,200,9,16,I-I really wanted to meet you.
67122,200,9,16,I-I'm a huge fan of your band SuperFreakonomics.
67123,200,9,16,"Oh, my gosh, really?"
67124,200,9,16,"Really, come I to all your shows, and I'm not just saying this--"
67125,200,9,16,I think you guys are the best economic-themed band in the entire city.
67126,200,9,16,Even better than Radiohedge Fund?
67127,200,9,16,"Oh, absolutely."
67128,200,9,16,I wish I had the guts to do what you do.
67129,200,9,16,"I love to sing, but..."
67130,200,9,16,You know what?
67131,200,9,16,"Next time we do a show, you have got to come up onstage with us and sing a song."
67132,200,9,16,"Oh, no, I couldn't. Mm-hmm."
67133,200,9,16,"No, I'm, I'm, I'm too shy."
67134,200,9,16,♪ But maybe just one song!
67135,200,9,16,♪ Yeah!
67136,200,9,16,"I mean, I don't like to think of SuperFreakonomics as my band."
67137,200,9,16,I think of it as my canvas upon which I paint my masterpieces.
67138,200,9,16,(laughs)
67139,200,9,16,And that right there is why I don't play bass.
67140,200,9,16,(laughter)
67141,200,9,16,Can I help you with that?
67142,200,9,16,"Uh, wow, thanks, Superman."
67143,200,9,16,No problem.
67144,200,9,16,"It's either help you or stop a train from going off a cliff, and you're much cuter."
67145,200,9,16,(chuckles)
67146,200,9,16,Can I buy you a drink?
67147,200,9,16,"Oh, no, sorry, I'm 16."
67148,200,9,16,"Oh, wow, sorry."
67149,200,9,16,Have a good night.
67150,200,9,16,"Wait, you believe that?"
67151,200,9,16,I like you.
67152,200,9,16,"Uh, sure, you can buy me a drink."
67153,200,9,16,MacLaren's.
67154,200,9,16,"The last time I was here, I thought this place was called Puzzles."
67155,200,9,16,That's an odd name.
67156,200,9,16,Why would you call a bar Puzzles?
67157,200,9,16,Unless that's the puzzle.
67158,200,9,16,"Well, um, thank you for the drink."
67159,200,9,16,"Uh, so, do you want to get dinner sometime?"
67160,200,9,16,Um...
67161,200,9,16,"Louis, you're really nice, but..."
67162,200,9,16,"I was in love with somebody a long time ago, and he died."
67163,200,9,16,"Oh, I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry."
67164,200,9,16,"Uh, it's silly, but... it's like the first lottery ticket I ever bought was... kaboom, jackpot, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to win again, not like that anyway, so I don't generally buy lottery tickets anymore."
67165,200,9,16,I understand.
67166,200,9,16,So I should... go.
67167,200,9,16,"Well, if you change your mind..."
67168,200,9,16,...give me a call.
67169,200,9,16,Okay.
67170,200,9,16,"Okay, now we're even!"
67171,200,9,16,What?! What?!
67172,200,9,16,So we got dinner. And?
67173,200,9,16,He's... nice.
67174,200,9,16,Nice? He sounds amazing!
67175,200,9,16,"Handsome, good dresser, paid for dinner."
67176,200,9,16,What more do you want?
67177,200,9,16,Do you know how rough it is out there?
67178,200,9,16,I once met a guy claiming to be a genie whose pen1s grants wishes.
67179,200,9,16,"Oh, my God, who would even fall for that?"
67180,200,9,16,"The point is, Louis sounds great."
67181,200,9,16,
67182,200,9,16,NARRATOR: And that's how your mom started dating Louis.
67183,200,9,16,"And for a couple years, it was fun."
67184,200,9,16,THE MOTHER: ♪ One tasty English muffin
67185,200,9,16,"♪ Baby, that is what I am"
67186,200,9,16,♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da
67187,200,9,16,♪ One tasty English muffin
67188,200,9,16,♪ With some raspberry jam.
67189,200,9,16,That's funny.
67190,200,9,16,(chuckles)
67191,200,9,16,NARRATOR: It just wasn't love.
67192,200,9,16,But then fate intervened.
67193,200,9,16,"Anyway, you guys wouldn't, uh, happen to know of any good wedding bands available at the last minute, would you?"
67194,200,9,16,"Hi. One ticket to Farhampton, please."
67195,200,9,16,"NARRATOR: Now, Louis had a beach house out in Farhampton, so he let your mother stay there."
67196,200,9,16,"The day before the wedding, as she was taking some cookies out of the oven, she got an e-mail."
67197,200,9,16,(gasps)
67198,200,9,16,What the damn hell?!
67199,200,9,16,"""Bass player wanted,"" that is what the ad said."
67200,200,9,16,Can you believe that?
67201,200,9,16,After I'm the one who invited Darren into the band.
67202,200,9,16,What am I gonna do?
67203,200,9,16,You need to steal this douche monkey's van.
67204,200,9,16,Then run my husband over with it.
67205,200,9,16,"Well, that's very tempting."
67206,200,9,16,I've never really been the type of person to...
67207,200,9,16,"""Must be hotter than the girl we have now, who, in my opinion, is a six at best""?"
67208,200,9,16,"Aw, geez, what is this knucklehead doing?"
67209,200,9,16,Excuse me! Hey!
67210,200,9,16,You guys need a lift?
67211,200,9,16,DARREN: The best man just punched me in the face for no reason.
67212,200,9,16,You know what? I quit.
67213,200,9,16,You can have your stupid band back.
67214,200,9,16,"Linus, whoever that best man is, I would like to buy him a double of your finest scotch."
67215,200,9,16,Louis!
67216,200,9,16,Will you marry me?
67217,200,9,16,Can you give me a minute? Um... okay.
67218,200,9,16,There's someone that I need to talk to.
67219,200,9,16,I'll-I'll be right back.
67220,200,9,16,(breathes heavily)
67221,200,9,16,"Hi, Max. It's me."
67222,200,9,16,Sorry to interrupt.
67223,200,9,16,I know you're probably up there playing baseball with your dad.
67224,200,9,16,"Um, look, I-I've got a situation here."
67225,200,9,16,I think that I have been holding myself back from falling in love again.
67226,200,9,16,(voice breaks): And I think it's because I can't let you go.
67227,200,9,16,But you're not here anymore... so I have to ask this: Would it be okay if I moved on?
67228,200,9,16,"I realize that you have no way of answering that, but, um..."
67229,200,9,16,"Oh, okay... (laughs)"
67230,200,9,16,I will take that as yes.
67231,200,9,16,"Um, in that case, I should get back in there."
67232,200,9,16,(voice breaks): I guess this is it.
67233,200,9,16,For real this time.
67234,200,9,16,"Bye, Max. (sniffles)"
67235,200,9,16,"(sighs, sniffles)"
67236,200,9,16,So?
67237,200,9,16,My answer is... no.
67238,200,9,16,(sighs)
67239,200,9,16,(sobs)
67240,200,9,16,DESK CLERK: You're in luck.
67241,200,9,16,Mother of the bride never checked in.
67242,200,9,16,How many keys will you be needing?
67243,200,9,16,Just one.
67244,200,9,16,Yeah. I just...
67245,200,9,16,I broke up with someone.
67246,200,9,16,I think room number six is the room for you.
67247,200,9,16,Thank you.
67248,200,9,16,(plays soft chord)
67249,200,9,16,(plays soft ballad)
67250,200,9,16,♪ Hold me close and hold me fast ♪
67251,200,9,16,♪ This magic spell you cast
67252,200,9,16,♪ This is la vie en rose
67253,200,9,16,"♪ When you kiss me, Heaven sighs ♪"
67254,200,9,16,♪ And though I close my eyes
67255,200,9,16,♪ I see la vie en rose
67256,200,9,16,♪ When you press me to your heart ♪
67257,200,9,16,♪ I'm in a world apart ♪
67258,200,9,16,♪ A world where roses bloom
67259,200,9,16,"♪ And when you speak, angels sing from above ♪"
67260,200,9,16,♪ Everyday words
67261,200,9,16,♪ Seem to turn into love songs
67262,200,9,16,♪ Give your heart and soul to me ♪
67263,200,9,16,♪ And life will always be
67264,200,9,16,♪ La vie en rose.
67265,200,9,16,(plays ending chord)
67266,200,9,16,"NARRATOR: Kids, I must have heard your mom's rendition of ""La Vie en Rose"" a million times over the years."
67267,200,9,16,"Every night when she tucked you in, for instance."
67268,200,9,16,"But that performance, that first night I ever heard her sing, that one will always be my favorite."
67269,200,9,16,Wow.
67270,200,9,16,"Barney, I was just out there on the patio... and there's someone in the room next to us."
67271,200,9,16,"I didn't see her, but..."
67272,200,9,16,"Well, she was playing the ukulele..."
67273,201,9,17,"MAN: Well, that party was a dud."
67274,201,9,17,"MAN 2: I think I struck out with, like, 20 girls."
67275,201,9,17,And... my condom expired.
67276,201,9,17,We are losers!
67277,201,9,17,We've tried everything.
67278,201,9,17,(sighs)
67279,201,9,17,"We're covered in Drakkar, I've got fresh new white socks, and I thought our mime work in there was excellent!"
67280,201,9,17,What?
67281,201,9,17,"Um, are we in a zombie movie right now?"
67282,201,9,17,(hiccups)
67283,201,9,17,(scoffs)
67284,201,9,17,(sniffing)
67285,201,9,17,Boys... today is your lucky day.
67286,201,9,17,Because today...
67287,201,9,17,I'm gonna teach you how to...
67288,201,9,17,(vomiting)
67289,201,9,17,...live.
67290,201,9,17,Who's got gum?
67291,201,9,17,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x17 ♪
67292,201,9,17,Sunrise
67293,201,9,17,"Original Air Date on February 3, 2014"
67294,201,9,17,"NARRATOR: Kids, for a brief period when I was seven, my best friend was a balloon."
67295,201,9,17,"It was the classic story: boy meets balloon, boy and balloon become friends, boy loses balloon when Mom sets out hot dogs in the backyard."
67296,201,9,17,No!
67297,201,9,17,"NARRATOR: Decades later, boy's new best friend finds out about the whole thing and never lets him live it down."
67298,201,9,17,I hate you so much.
67299,201,9,17,NARRATOR: The whole thing taught me a lesson.
67300,201,9,17,"If you love something, you can never let it go, not even for a second, or it's gone forever."
67301,201,9,17,"Well, at least I still got my hot dogs."
67302,201,9,17,No!
67303,201,9,17,NARRATOR: It was a lesson that took me nearly 30 years to unlearn.
67304,201,9,17,Where could Barney be?
67305,201,9,17,"Oh, relax. He always finds his way home."
67306,201,9,17,"St. Patrick's Day, 2008."
67307,201,9,17,He did not find his way home that night.
67308,201,9,17,That Dumpster was a block from his apartment.
67309,201,9,17,I call that a win.
67310,201,9,17,(laughs)
67311,201,9,17,"Also, that isn't the filthiest trash he's ever slept with."
67312,201,9,17,"Ho! My future husband, folks!"
67313,201,9,17,(both laughing)
67314,201,9,17,Or maybe he bailed on the wedding.
67315,201,9,17,"Oh, come on."
67316,201,9,17,Don't even think like that.
67317,201,9,17,"Well, he's terrified of commitment... although, ironically, loves being tied down..."
67318,201,9,17,"Look, as the run-offee at my own almost-wedding, I can tell you you are fine."
67319,201,9,17,Barney is no Stella. Mmm.
67320,201,9,17,"Hey, have you talked to her in a while?"
67321,201,9,17,Stella? Yeah.
67322,201,9,17,The woman who broke my heart and embarrassed me in front of all my friends and loved ones?
67323,201,9,17,(laughing): Uh... no.
67324,201,9,17,NARRATOR: That was a lie.
67325,201,9,17,"A few days earlier, I had talked to Stella on the phone."
67326,201,9,17,"Because, as you may recall, I'm kind of the wedding gift master."
67327,201,9,17,"Okay, I'm gonna stop you."
67328,201,9,17,Do you not hear how weird this all sounds?
67329,201,9,17,What part of this is weird?
67330,201,9,17,You're going to your ex-girlfriend's wedding.
67331,201,9,17,It's not weird at all. Where you'll be the best man...
67332,201,9,17,Utterly not weird.
67333,201,9,17,"And now, less than a week before the wedding, you're calling the woman who left you at the altar and moved three time zones away on the razor-thin chance that I somehow ended up with her grandmother's locket?"
67334,201,9,17,"You know what's weird, Stella?"
67335,201,9,17,Not seeing Star Wars until you're 30.
67336,201,9,17,You're trying to blow up the wedding.
67337,201,9,17,"You called C-3PO ""the Tin Man."""
67338,201,9,17,He is made of tin!
67339,201,9,17,It's Tatooine scrap metal!
67340,201,9,17,This is not an argument you are gonna win.
67341,201,9,17,"Now, do you have the locket or not?"
67342,201,9,17,"Look, I might have it somewhere in one of my old boxes in our storage locker, but even if I did, I cannot get out there this week."
67343,201,9,17,I'm totally swamped.
67344,201,9,17,"One ticket to Los Angeles, please."
67345,201,9,17,"MARSHALL: So the reason someone can't come up to fix the air conditioning is that the ghost of Captain Dearduff, who haunts this room, likes it muggy?"
67346,201,9,17,That's correct.
67347,201,9,17,"Although, now that I say it out loud, it does sound kind of ridiculous, because there's no such thing as ghosts."
67348,201,9,17,Right?
67349,201,9,17,"You have outflanked me, Front Desk Guy!"
67350,201,9,17,Victory is yours!
67351,201,9,17,"NARRATOR: The truth is, there was a ghost in that room."
67352,201,9,17,"You see, minutes earlier, Marshall had been in the middle of the worst fight of his marriage, when all of sudden, Lily stormed out."
67353,201,9,17,"Damn it, Lily."
67354,201,9,17,This is so unfair.
67355,201,9,17,I know!
67356,201,9,17,Storming out in the middle of an argument?
67357,201,9,17,So childish!
67358,201,9,17,"Thank you, Ghost Lily."
67359,201,9,17,I'm glad at least you see it that way.
67360,201,9,17,"Although, let's be honest, I did you a favor."
67361,201,9,17,You were gonna lose.
67362,201,9,17,I... what?
67363,201,9,17,I was gonna lose?
67364,201,9,17,"Uh, check your spectral scorecard, Ghost Lily."
67365,201,9,17,I had you on the ropes.
67366,201,9,17,That's why you ran out.
67367,201,9,17,I ran out because you brought up San Francisco.
67368,201,9,17,It was a valid point.
67369,201,9,17,It's ancient history.
67370,201,9,17,"If you're mad at anyone, you're mad at 2006 Lily."
67371,201,9,17,"Well, I can't very well have an argument with 2006..."
67372,201,9,17,(à la Borat): Is nice!
67373,201,9,17,(normal voice): Do people still say that?
67374,201,9,17,"I'm sorry, how exactly are you gonna teach us how to live?"
67375,201,9,17,The journey to awesome starts with a single...
67376,201,9,17,"Actually, lots of singles."
67377,201,9,17,We're going to a strip club.
67378,201,9,17,(laughs)
67379,201,9,17,Strip club?
67380,201,9,17,We're in the middle of nowhere.
67381,201,9,17,There is always a strip club.
67382,201,9,17,"Hey, are you a little worried this guy might kill us?"
67383,201,9,17,We just put a down payment on adult bunk beds.
67384,201,9,17,Would getting killed really be so bad?
67385,201,9,17,Good point. I got a weird feeling.
67386,201,9,17,"I mean, there's something off about..."
67387,201,9,17,Whoa!
67388,201,9,17,"BARNEY: Question: why does this sign say ""gentlemen's club""?"
67389,201,9,17,Answer: because The Crab Shed is a place for gentlemen.
67390,201,9,17,A gentleman tips generously.
67391,201,9,17,A gentleman uses the complimentary bathroom cologne...
67392,201,9,17,(whispering): ...but not too much.
67393,201,9,17,Oh. This is important.
67394,201,9,17,Your instinct may be to avoid the free buffet.
67395,201,9,17,Your instinct is wrong.
67396,201,9,17,"Don't sleep on the meatballs, gentlemen."
67397,201,9,17,They are exquisite!
67398,201,9,17,Come on!
67399,201,9,17,"You know, I liked Stella."
67400,201,9,17,"Even though she broke your heart, I'd still put her in your top five."
67401,201,9,17,Which are...?
67402,201,9,17,"All right, number five, Stella. Mm-hmm."
67403,201,9,17,"Number four, Zoey."
67404,201,9,17,"Number three, uh, the Slutty Pumpkin."
67405,201,9,17,Ah.
67406,201,9,17,"Number two, Marshall, that time you guys pretended to be a couple when Barney was trying to sell the apartment."
67407,201,9,17,(both laugh)
67408,201,9,17,"And number one, Victoria."
67409,201,9,17,"Well, you've given this some thought."
67410,201,9,17,"Well, we all have."
67411,201,9,17,There's kind of a running e-mail chain about it.
67412,201,9,17,But the pastry chef was the best.
67413,201,9,17,No question.
67414,201,9,17,I do miss her sticky buns.
67415,201,9,17,"Uh, euphemism?"
67416,201,9,17,Nope.
67417,201,9,17,(laughs)
67418,201,9,17,Can I be honest?
67419,201,9,17,"Um, it was kind of crazy how all of sudden it was just... over between you and Victoria."
67420,201,9,17,I mean... you guys were seven years in the making.
67421,201,9,17,She left her fiancé for you.
67422,201,9,17,What... why would you break up?
67423,201,9,17,What happened?
67424,201,9,17,(clears throat)
67425,201,9,17,"We, um... we broke up because of you."
67426,201,9,17,"Oh, my God, this is amazing!"
67427,201,9,17,"I ruined my pants, but it's totally worth it!"
67428,201,9,17,Best meatballs ever!
67429,201,9,17,Mmm! I'm gonna ask a serious question right now.
67430,201,9,17,Can a person live in a strip club?
67431,201,9,17,Yes.
67432,201,9,17,"For the next few years, your strip club will be like home."
67433,201,9,17,"Then, one day, you'll date a stripper and almost marry her, and after that, you'll realize you're done with strip clubs."
67434,201,9,17,"In the sense that you'll dial it back to, like, once a week."
67435,201,9,17,I feel like I can talk to women now. Yeah.
67436,201,9,17,"You just stick a dollar bill in your mouth, and the conversation starts itself."
67437,201,9,17,"You know, I think we're ready to go back to that party and meet some ladies."
67438,201,9,17,(laughs)
67439,201,9,17,Yeah!
67440,201,9,17,Yeah! Yeah!
67441,201,9,17,You! Are! Not! Ready!
67442,201,9,17,Your training is complete when I say your training is complete!
67443,201,9,17,"Come on, let's go."
67444,201,9,17,You-you broke up with Victoria because of me?
67445,201,9,17,"She didn't want us to be friends anymore, so I had to let her go."
67446,201,9,17,Ted...
67447,201,9,17,I just...
67448,201,9,17,"Wow, I..."
67449,201,9,17,And-and you haven't talked to her since?
67450,201,9,17,Haven't talked to her since.
67451,201,9,17,
67452,201,9,17,NARRATOR: Also a lie.
67453,201,9,17,Unbelievable.
67454,201,9,17,And I assume this is all in the hopes that Robin'll ditch her own wedding and run off with you?
67455,201,9,17,What? No.
67456,201,9,17,I would never.
67457,201,9,17,You would never run off with a girl on the day of her wedding?
67458,201,9,17,Ri...
67459,201,9,17,"Okay, that's a fair point."
67460,201,9,17,I'm not done.
67461,201,9,17,...ight.
67462,201,9,17,"So, do you have it?"
67463,201,9,17,I'm looking at it right now.
67464,201,9,17,"What? Oh, uh... stay there."
67465,201,9,17,I'm-I'm on my way.
67466,201,9,17,I'm in Germany.
67467,201,9,17,Danke schon!
67468,201,9,17,I see.
67469,201,9,17,"Look, if it means that much to you, as soon as I'm done here at the bakery, I'll overnight it."
67470,201,9,17,It'll be there in 24 hours.
67471,201,9,17,(exhales)
67472,201,9,17,Thank you.
67473,201,9,17,"So this bakery, what kind of, uh..."
67474,201,9,17,You want me to send you some chocolate truffle streuselkuchen?
67475,201,9,17,"Yes, please, you're the best, thank you."
67476,201,9,17,"NARRATOR: But then, 24 hours later... disaster."
67477,201,9,17,"MAN: I'm sorry, Mr. Mosby."
67478,201,9,17,It says here your package was delivered earlier today.
67479,201,9,17,Your wife signed for it.
67480,201,9,17,My... what?
67481,201,9,17,I... I don't have a wife.
67482,201,9,17,"So, then, who's Jeanette Mosby?"
67483,201,9,17,"Oh, you're kidding me."
67484,201,9,17,"Oh, my gosh, 2013 me!"
67485,201,9,17,So many questions!
67486,201,9,17,How many MySpace friends do I have now?
67487,201,9,17,Has James Blunt put out the steady stream of number one hits we all expect from him?
67488,201,9,17,And why are we in this hotel room?
67489,201,9,17,We're here for Barney's wedding.
67490,201,9,17,Barney's wedding?
67491,201,9,17,"Oh, God."
67492,201,9,17,What desperate ho-bag is handcuffing herself to that time bomb?
67493,201,9,17,My dad did a real number on me.
67494,201,9,17,"Okay, uh... Ghost Lily, seven-years-ago Ghost Lily, can we get on with this so I can win the argument and we can move on to my regularly scheduled fantasy of you two making out with each other?"
67495,201,9,17,"Sure. Just so you know, I really like it when..."
67496,201,9,17,I know. I'm you.
67497,201,9,17,And I don't like that anymore.
67498,201,9,17,"MARSHALL: Okay, yes, seven-years-ago Lily, maybe I am wrong for still being mad at you about San Francisco and our breakup."
67499,201,9,17,"But the truth is, when you left me, that was the saddest I've ever been in my life."
67500,201,9,17,Really?
67501,201,9,17,The saddest you've ever been in your life?
67502,201,9,17,Saddest I've ever been in my life.
67503,201,9,17,"I mean, I am sitting right here."
67504,201,9,17,"Look, Dad, yes, obviously, losing you was way worse, but I'm trying to make a bigger point here."
67505,201,9,17,And what point is that?
67506,201,9,17,"Because she hurt you once, you now get to hurt her?"
67507,201,9,17,It's not how it works in a marriage.
67508,201,9,17,ALL: Ooh...
67509,201,9,17,You're totally gonna lose.
67510,201,9,17,I can't believe you're open at this hour.
67511,201,9,17,I'm always open for my friends.
67512,201,9,17,What are we doing here?
67513,201,9,17,We should go back to the party.
67514,201,9,17,In relaxed-fit domestic denim?
67515,201,9,17,"I'm sorry, is this a costume party, and you're going as 1994?"
67516,201,9,17,"Would you be a peach and bump this, please?"
67517,201,9,17,Who cares about any of this?
67518,201,9,17,They're just clothes.
67519,201,9,17,"Just clothes? Ted... sorry, force of habit... boys, suits are cool."
67520,201,9,17,Exhibit A.
67521,201,9,17,I don't care how well-dressed I am.
67522,201,9,17,The real challenge is walking up to a girl that I've never met before and somehow talking to her with words from my mouth.
67523,201,9,17,I've looked at it from every possible angle.
67524,201,9,17,There's just no way to do it.
67525,201,9,17,(both chuckle)
67526,201,9,17,What's your name?
67527,201,9,17,Justin.
67528,201,9,17,Have you met Justin?
67529,201,9,17,"Uh, no. Hi, I'm Julie."
67530,201,9,17,"So simple, so elegant."
67531,201,9,17,Hmm. That's it?
67532,201,9,17,You just walk up to someone you don't know and introduce them to your buddy?
67533,201,9,17,I don't know. That sounds kind of...
67534,201,9,17,Have you met Kyle?
67535,201,9,17,"Hi, Kyle."
67536,201,9,17,Are you Jesus?!
67537,201,9,17,"I would have understood, you know?"
67538,201,9,17,"I mean, if you told me that we couldn't be friends anymore, I-I wouldn't have liked it, but I, God, I would have understood."
67539,201,9,17,I could never do that.
67540,201,9,17,Why not?
67541,201,9,17,"Ted, okay, I insist that you tell me why not."
67542,201,9,17,No way.
67543,201,9,17,Answer the question. It's... it's for the bride.
67544,201,9,17,"I'm not gonna answer the question, because you know the answer."
67545,201,9,17,You want to talk about my top five?
67546,201,9,17,"There's no top five, Robin!"
67547,201,9,17,"There's just a top one, and it's you."
67548,201,9,17,And the only reason I'm saying any of this is 'cause I know that it's not gonna change anything.
67549,201,9,17,You and Barney are getting married today.
67550,201,9,17,"If I have to hold the shotgun myself, it's happening."
67551,201,9,17,I thought you don't like guns.
67552,201,9,17,I'm the best man.
67553,201,9,17,I swore on the Bro Code.
67554,201,9,17,I don't want to go to Bro Hell.
67555,201,9,17,Bro Hell sounds bad.
67556,201,9,17,I'm sure Barney's got a whole thing about Bro Hell.
67557,201,9,17,But what about when we get back from our honeymoon?
67558,201,9,17,What about our first night out at the bar?
67559,201,9,17,But what then?
67560,201,9,17,"I mean, is it gonna be weird?"
67561,201,9,17,No.
67562,201,9,17,How can you be so sure?
67563,201,9,17,Because I'm not gonna be there.
67564,201,9,17,I'm moving to Chicago.
67565,201,9,17,You're moving to Chicago? That's right.
67566,201,9,17,I'm gonna work for Hammond Druthers.
67567,201,9,17,The penis-building guy?
67568,201,9,17,They're not all pen1s buildings.
67569,201,9,17,They just designed this clamshell amphitheater for the St. Louis Symphony.
67570,201,9,17,"That one, it doesn't look like a pen1s, anyway."
67571,201,9,17,I can't believe you're leaving New York.
67572,201,9,17,"Wait, is this be... is this because of me?"
67573,201,9,17,"No, it's not because of you."
67574,201,9,17,"Well, maybe at first it was, but..."
67575,201,9,17,(sighs)
67576,201,9,17,(grunts)
67577,201,9,17,It's been a really long week.
67578,201,9,17,"Some stuff has happened and... it's just made me feel like it's, it's time to move on."
67579,201,9,17,"Yes, good things happened to me in New York, but bad things happened, too."
67580,201,9,17,Like your top five worst relationships?
67581,201,9,17,"Okay, come on. Let me hear it."
67582,201,9,17,"Number five, Blah Blah. Mm-hmm."
67583,201,9,17,"Number four, boats, boats, boats."
67584,201,9,17,"Number three, Karen. Mm."
67585,201,9,17,"Number two, uh, Zoey. She made both lists."
67586,201,9,17,"Number one, by a landslide, Jeanette."
67587,201,9,17,"Jeanette, of course. By the way, have you talked to Jeanette lately?"
67588,201,9,17,I haven't talked to her.
67589,201,9,17,NARRATOR: Liar.
67590,201,9,17,"So I was at your apartment stealing your mail, and apparently there's some chick named Victoria sending you jewelry from Germany?"
67591,201,9,17,Somebody owes somebody an explanation.
67592,201,9,17,"Jeanette, that locket is a wedding gift for Robin."
67593,201,9,17,"Robin?! Oh, God, this again?"
67594,201,9,17,That I'm giving to her as a friend because I'm kind of the wedding gift master!
67595,201,9,17,Now bring it back to me right now!
67596,201,9,17,Fine. Meet me at the Bow Bridge in Central Park in one hour.
67597,201,9,17,"And by the way, I want Kenny back."
67598,201,9,17,Who's Kenny?!
67599,201,9,17,My pet tarantula.
67600,201,9,17,(gasps)
67601,201,9,17,"By the way, I love your hair."
67602,201,9,17,I love your hair!
67603,201,9,17,"Imaginary women, right?"
67604,201,9,17,"I need everyone to just be quiet, please."
67605,201,9,17,"Look, I know that I could have handled all of this better."
67606,201,9,17,"But setting aside the fact that all of our friends are here and that we don't speak Italian, if we stay in New York, we both get to follow our dreams."
67607,201,9,17,Are we really gonna go someplace where only one of us gets to do that?
67608,201,9,17,"Of course not. Well, then how can you...?"
67609,201,9,17,Wait-- what?
67610,201,9,17,We're not moving to Italy.
67611,201,9,17,We have a baby. It makes sense to stay here.
67612,201,9,17,Even I know that.
67613,201,9,17,You do?
67614,201,9,17,So... I win?
67615,201,9,17,"Well, then, ho, hey, ho."
67616,201,9,17,"In your ethereal face, Ghost Lily."
67617,201,9,17,"Oh, yeah, the Convincer right here!"
67618,201,9,17,She thought I was gonna lose.
67619,201,9,17,You are gonna lose.
67620,201,9,17,You're gonna lose this.
67621,201,9,17,"If you keep lying to me, if you keep cutting me out of decisions, if you keep using words like ""winning"" and ""losing"" when you talk about our marriage."
67622,201,9,17,"It's not like it'll happen all at once, but if you keep acting this way, little by little, you're gonna lose me."
67623,201,9,17,Is that what you want?
67624,201,9,17,"No, of course not."
67625,201,9,17,You're not my enemy. You're my wife.
67626,201,9,17,(à la Borat): My wife!
67627,201,9,17,(normal voice): Right?
67628,201,9,17,No. Sorr... sorry.
67629,201,9,17,We should probably head back.
67630,201,9,17,Do you want to watch the sun come up?
67631,201,9,17,Sure.
67632,201,9,17,JEANETTE: Thanks for meeting me here.
67633,201,9,17,"I'm heading over to the East Side to stuff a dead squirrel into a different ex-boyfriend's mailbox, so, you know, this made sense."
67634,201,9,17,Of course.
67635,201,9,17,"So, can I have the locket?"
67636,201,9,17,No.
67637,201,9,17,What? Jeanette...
67638,201,9,17,"Ted, listen to me. You're being crazy."
67639,201,9,17,I'm being crazy?!
67640,201,9,17,Yes! How long have you been hung up on Robin?
67641,201,9,17,Eight years?!
67642,201,9,17,And you're still killing yourself to fetch dumb little trinkets for her. That's crazy!
67643,201,9,17,That's more than crazy.
67644,201,9,17,I don't think there's a word for what that is!
67645,201,9,17,"Actually, there is a word for that. It's ""love."""
67646,201,9,17,"I'm in love with her, okay?"
67647,201,9,17,"If you're looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's love!"
67648,201,9,17,"And when you love someone, you just, you... you don't stop, ever."
67649,201,9,17,Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy.
67650,201,9,17,Even then. Especially then!
67651,201,9,17,"You just-- you don't give up! Because if I could give up... if I could just, you know, take the whole world's advice and-and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love."
67652,201,9,17,That would be... that would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for.
67653,201,9,17,But I-- that is not what this is.
67654,201,9,17,"So, please, can I have the locket?"
67655,201,9,17,Cuckoo.
67656,201,9,17,I think we should get back together.
67657,201,9,17,ROBIN: And... new day.
67658,201,9,17,"Yep, new day."
67659,201,9,17,♪ Close your eyes...
67660,201,9,17,"Okay, you need to get at least a little sleep."
67661,201,9,17,♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪
67662,201,9,17,♪ Do you understand?
67663,201,9,17,♪ Do you feel the same?
67664,201,9,17,BARNEY (slurring): A few final thoughts.
67665,201,9,17,Don't get married until you're 30.
67666,201,9,17,Play laser tag once a week.
67667,201,9,17,Give at least as many high fives as you get.
67668,201,9,17,"Teacup pigs are lady magnets, but very hard to care for. Not worth the effort."
67669,201,9,17,The same goes for dogs and babies.
67670,201,9,17,"And most importantly, whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary unless your friends are there to see it."
67671,201,9,17,"Good luck, boys."
67672,201,9,17,Take care of the game for me.
67673,201,9,17,We will.
67674,201,9,17,Did you ever get his name?
67675,201,9,17,No. What'd he give you?
67676,201,9,17,"I don't know, but I think it's important."
67677,201,9,17,♪ I don't want to lose this feeling ♪
67678,201,9,17,Lil-Lily...
67679,201,9,17,I love you. And I'm so sorry.
67680,201,9,17,It doesn't matter where we live.
67681,201,9,17,I just want us to be together.
67682,201,9,17,We're staying in New York.
67683,201,9,17,What? No.
67684,201,9,17,Yes.
67685,201,9,17,It just makes sense.
67686,201,9,17,I've missed you so much.
67687,201,9,17,♪ Am I only dreaming?
67688,201,9,17,I have to let go now.
67689,201,9,17,♪ Is this burning I know you do.
67690,201,9,17,♪ An eternal flame?
67691,201,9,17,"♪ Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling ♪"
67692,201,9,17,♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪
67693,201,9,17,♪ Do you understand?
67694,201,9,17,♪ Do you feel the same?
67695,201,9,17,♪ Am I only dreaming?
67696,201,9,17,"When we went out on our first date, at the end of the night, did you want me to kiss you?"
67697,202,9,18,(cork pops)
67698,202,9,18,"Whoa, sorry, sorry."
67699,202,9,18,"Oh, my God! You know that there is gonna be champagne at this party, right? I know, I know."
67700,202,9,18,"But we're gonna get there and it's gonna be everyone congratulating you on your book, saying, ""This is a revelation!"
67701,202,9,18,"""You're gonna end poverty in our time."
67702,202,9,18,"""This is the greatest book anyone's ever written in any genre."""
67703,202,9,18,"You're the only one that says that, sweetie."
67704,202,9,18,"Well, it's true."
67705,202,9,18,"So before I lose you to your adoring public, I just want to take a moment, you and I, to celebrate the best year of our lives."
67706,202,9,18,Happy New Year.
67707,202,9,18,Happy New Year.
67708,202,9,18,(grunts)
67709,202,9,18,We go big tonight!
67710,202,9,18,"Easy there, buddy."
67711,202,9,18,"We're old people, remember?"
67712,202,9,18,We haven't even gone medium sized in forever.
67713,202,9,18,And I cannot carry you home in this dress.
67714,202,9,18,"Sweetie, relax."
67715,202,9,18,I got this.
67716,202,9,18,"Yeah, right."
67717,202,9,18,I can see your whole future.
67718,202,9,18,You are gonna be so hungover tomorrow.
67719,202,9,18,I'm gonna be fine. Hmm.
67720,202,9,18,"I made a vow, remember?"
67721,202,9,18,NARRATOR: Kids... the story behind that vow took place the morning of Barney and Robin's wedding.
67722,202,9,18,"You see, after drinking way too much the night before, this is all your Uncle Barney remembers from the first two hours of his wedding day."
67723,202,9,18,(gasps)
67724,202,9,18,(roars)
67725,202,9,18,And that's it.
67726,202,9,18,Now here's how the rest of us remember those two hours.
67727,202,9,18,(tape rewinding)
67728,202,9,18,ROBIN: Found him.
67729,202,9,18,"You know, he looks better than I thought he would."
67730,202,9,18,Rise and shine.
67731,202,9,18,"Up and at 'em, let's do this."
67732,202,9,18,There's a gas leak!
67733,202,9,18,The building's on fire!
67734,202,9,18,Your shoes don't match your belt!
67735,202,9,18,(moaning)
67736,202,9,18,BOTH: Uh-oh.
67737,202,9,18,"(piano playing Wagner's ""Bridal Chorus"")"
67738,202,9,18,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x18 ♪
67739,202,9,18,Rally
67740,202,9,18,"Original Air Date on February 24, 2014"
67741,202,9,18,"Okay, I think my fiancé peed himself a little."
67742,202,9,18,"Oh, tomorrow I'm gonna be able to say my husband peed himself a little."
67743,202,9,18,(moaning)
67744,202,9,18,Don't worry.
67745,202,9,18,I accidentally spilled some iced tea on him.
67746,202,9,18,"Oh, thank God."
67747,202,9,18,(whispering): I didn't really spill some iced tea on him.
67748,202,9,18,"Oh, God, this is bad."
67749,202,9,18,We're doing family wedding pictures at the lighthouse in two hours.
67750,202,9,18,My father is paying for the whole thing.
67751,202,9,18,He's gonna kill Barney if he doesn't show up.
67752,202,9,18,"Come on, your dad's tough."
67753,202,9,18,But won't he understand a good old fashioned hangover?
67754,202,9,18,My father's recipe for a Bloody Mary trades out tomato juice for wolf's blood.
67755,202,9,18,Ooh. Ooh.
67756,202,9,18,Bloody Mary?
67757,202,9,18,Sounds more like a Bloody Scary.
67758,202,9,18,I'm gonna say it again.
67759,202,9,18,"Bloody Mary? Uh, hold on."
67760,202,9,18,You guys are forgetting Barney Stinson has a super power.
67761,202,9,18,He can't take a bad photo.
67762,202,9,18,(grunts)
67763,202,9,18,"Okay, here."
67764,202,9,18,Watch.
67765,202,9,18,"Guys, Barney may be dead."
67766,202,9,18,MARSHALL: That's it!
67767,202,9,18,You know what? We are all now seriously too old to keep doing this to ourselves!
67768,202,9,18,I vow here and now that I shall never again get that drunk in my life!
67769,202,9,18,"NARRATOR: Yeah, he'd wind up breaking that vow."
67770,202,9,18,And I will not break that vow as sure as I will always have a full head of hair!
67771,202,9,18,"WOMAN: In other elections today, in the race for New York State Supreme Court, Judge Brad Morris..."
67772,202,9,18,"Mmm, just look at him."
67773,202,9,18,I would love to rub that down.
67774,202,9,18,(clears throat)
67775,202,9,18,Sorry.
67776,202,9,18,Has increased his sizable lead over Judge Marshall Eriksen.
67777,202,9,18,It was supposed to be a victory party.
67778,202,9,18,"You ran a great campaign, baby."
67779,202,9,18,"Yeah, but it was the most stressful three weeks of my life!"
67780,202,9,18,"And in other results, a surprise comeback."
67781,202,9,18,We are now ready to call the New York State Supreme Court race for Judge Marshall Eriksen.
67782,202,9,18,(all cheering)
67783,202,9,18,We'll go to Judge Eriksen for a live statement in just a few minutes.
67784,202,9,18,(slurring): Come again for Judge Fudge?
67785,202,9,18,As your next commissioner...
67786,202,9,18,State Supreme Court judge.
67787,202,9,18,...of Gotham City...
67788,202,9,18,The State of New York.
67789,202,9,18,...I vow to make Batman work harder.
67790,202,9,18,I say shine that Bat-Signal even for small stuff.
67791,202,9,18,"Like, uh, shoveling snow."
67792,202,9,18,"Or, like, uh, if a police horse dumps out in the park."
67793,202,9,18,"LILY: Okay, well, that will be all at this time, thank you."
67794,202,9,18,That's all. Okay.
67795,202,9,18,"Mmm, good night."
67796,202,9,18,Never again!
67797,202,9,18,I vow it!
67798,202,9,18,I am more worried about the vows I have to take with this useless pile of garbage a few hours from now.
67799,202,9,18,What do we do?
67800,202,9,18,You guys see the irony here.
67801,202,9,18,The only person who could possibly get Barney back on his feet is Barney.
67802,202,9,18,"NARRATOR: See, over the years, we'd all come to experience something Barney called..."
67803,202,9,18,Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir!
67804,202,9,18,"The most effective post-bender, head's-too-tender ender from here to Denver."
67805,202,9,18,What's in it?
67806,202,9,18,"Glad you asked. Ah, I take it back."
67807,202,9,18,"Columbia University, 1941... I take it back, I take it back."
67808,202,9,18,"President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, whom we all know is most famous for being a world-class drunk, commissioned a top-secret scientific project... develop an elixir to cure the common hangover."
67809,202,9,18,And what brilliant scientific mind did boozy old FDR pick to head up this historic task?
67810,202,9,18,TED: Look.
67811,202,9,18,My head really hurts. Let's just speed this along.
67812,202,9,18,"You're clearly ripping off the story of the Manhattan Project, which was run by Dr. Robert Oppenheimer."
67813,202,9,18,So I'm gonna guess it was your distant relative...
67814,202,9,18,...Barnert Stinsonheimer?
67815,202,9,18,Somebody's read their history books.
67816,202,9,18,The Too Many Manhattans Project hit a few snags at first.
67817,202,9,18,The first batch exploded.
67818,202,9,18,Which sounded kind of like this.
67819,202,9,18,Boom! Oh!
67820,202,9,18,You suck.
67821,202,9,18,Just let me finish.
67822,202,9,18,But the second batch...
67823,202,9,18,sadly also exploded.
67824,202,9,18,Boom! Oh!
67825,202,9,18,Why are you here right now?
67826,202,9,18,Do you want to hear the story or not?
67827,202,9,18,Absolutely not. Please leave.
67828,202,9,18,"After some trial and error, Dr. Stinsonheimer finally found the magic formula."
67829,202,9,18,TED: Hang on.
67830,202,9,18,Funyuns?
67831,202,9,18,Tantrum Soda?
67832,202,9,18,Sure.
67833,202,9,18,In 1941?
67834,202,9,18,Sure.
67835,202,9,18,They haven't made new Tantrum since then.
67836,202,9,18,That stuff lasts a while.
67837,202,9,18,"Anyway, the elixir was such a success, he was awarded the Bro-bel Prize."
67838,202,9,18,True story.
67839,202,9,18,Boom!
67840,202,9,18,Wh-Wh-Why?
67841,202,9,18,That time I was just messing with you.
67842,202,9,18,Just give me the stupid drink.
67843,202,9,18,(groans)
67844,202,9,18,NARRATOR: And the craziest part was...
67845,202,9,18,I-I feel better.
67846,202,9,18,"Over the years, each of us would discover that Barney's elixir actually worked."
67847,202,9,18,"Like, way better."
67848,202,9,18,What's in this thing again?
67849,202,9,18,Stinson family secret.
67850,202,9,18,"Oh, come on, you told me most of the ingredients in your story."
67851,202,9,18,Just tell me the secret one.
67852,202,9,18,Ha! I'll never tell you.
67853,202,9,18,I'll take it with me to my grave.
67854,202,9,18,"Damn it, Barney!"
67855,202,9,18,Why are you always so selfish?!
67856,202,9,18,We are trying to help you!
67857,202,9,18,"ROBIN: Okay, we somehow have to get this leaky barf bag back on his feet before the wedding pictures."
67858,202,9,18,"Well, we know what Barney would want us to do."
67859,202,9,18,WOMAN: Say cheese.
67860,202,9,18,ALL: Cheese!
67861,202,9,18,ROBIN: No!
67862,202,9,18,We are not doing Weekend at Barney's!
67863,202,9,18,But that's the dream!
67864,202,9,18,I can't believe I just said that.
67865,202,9,18,Someone suggest something useful!
67866,202,9,18,"Okay, here's the plan."
67867,202,9,18,"Marshall, you and Ted go gather the ingredients we do know."
67868,202,9,18,"Robin, you wake up Barney long enough to find out the secret ingredient."
67869,202,9,18,And I'll race down to the spa to keep my 8:15 mani and pedi.
67870,202,9,18,"Okay, let's do this!"
67871,202,9,18,Bitch?
67872,202,9,18,Walk out that door and I tag in Zabka as my maid of honor.
67873,202,9,18,"Okay, let's start simple."
67874,202,9,18,Fresh ocean air.
67875,202,9,18,"Come on, baby."
67876,202,9,18,"BOTH: Come on, honey."
67877,202,9,18,"Come on, love, yeah. Baby, baby."
67878,202,9,18,I'll get the elevator.
67879,202,9,18,"Oh, I should get some water."
67880,202,9,18,"Okay, so... accidentally throwing Barney down the stairs did not wake him up."
67881,202,9,18,Nor did banging his head on each step as we dragged him back up here.
67882,202,9,18,"So, how do we wake him up long enough to tell us the final ingredient?"
67883,202,9,18,"You know, when my sister and I had trouble getting up for school, my dad a few cute little tricks."
67884,202,9,18,(growling)
67885,202,9,18,I'll do it!
67886,202,9,18,I swear to God I'll do it!
67887,202,9,18,Your dad used to do this to you?
67888,202,9,18,"Well, it was with a Cabbage Patch doll and an ax."
67889,202,9,18,But same idea. Trust me.
67890,202,9,18,I was never late for kindergarten again.
67891,202,9,18,What? Come on.
67892,202,9,18,(Barney moaning)
67893,202,9,18,(groans)
67894,202,9,18,I second Marshall's vow.
67895,202,9,18,"I will never, ever get that drunk again."
67896,202,9,18,NARRATOR: Yeah. She would.
67897,202,9,18,LILY: My baby boy's in college.
67898,202,9,18,Did you pack enough undies?
67899,202,9,18,"Yes, Mom."
67900,202,9,18,(shushes)
67901,202,9,18,Your father did a lot of puking in these hallowed halls.
67902,202,9,18,From-from binge studying.
67903,202,9,18,(quietly): Saved it.
67904,202,9,18,"That reminds me, mister."
67905,202,9,18,No underage drinking.
67906,202,9,18,No good comes from hanging out in bars and getting drunk.
67907,202,9,18,But every story from your 20s starts in a bar.
67908,202,9,18,Listen to your mother.
67909,202,9,18,"Oh, what are we gonna do without you in the house?"
67910,202,9,18,(groans)
67911,202,9,18,We got him out of the house! Drink up!
67912,202,9,18,(grunts)
67913,202,9,18,(whoops)
67914,202,9,18,Oh...
67915,202,9,18,You son of a bitch! You son of a me!
67916,202,9,18,"All right, we got most of the ingredients on our list."
67917,202,9,18,"Ginger, bananas, Funyuns."
67918,202,9,18,I cannot believe that minimart sold Tantrum.
67919,202,9,18,It's been discontinued for years.
67920,202,9,18,"Uh, hey."
67921,202,9,18,(clears throat)
67922,202,9,18,"Will you, uh, toss me that bottle?"
67923,202,9,18,"Oh. Yeah, we haven't done this forever."
67924,202,9,18,(smacks lips)
67925,202,9,18,Dude!
67926,202,9,18,You're a grown man.
67927,202,9,18,Why you throwing a Tantrum?
67928,202,9,18,Nice!
67929,202,9,18,So awesome!
67930,202,9,18,So awesome!
67931,202,9,18,"Okay, there's only one more item on the list and... it's an odd one."
67932,202,9,18,Grease? Grease.
67933,202,9,18,"At the Farhampton Inn, we don't cook with grease."
67934,202,9,18,Our menu is organic.
67935,202,9,18,"Farm to table, locally grown."
67936,202,9,18,"No ""grease."""
67937,202,9,18,"Sir, I am from Minnesota, where every meal is cooked with grease."
67938,202,9,18,"And my father dubbed that food the tastiest eats in the whole gosh darn world, so..."
67939,202,9,18,And how is your father's health?
67940,202,9,18,"Point is, it tastes really good."
67941,202,9,18,"Also, uh, we need it to help a friend recover from a hangover."
67942,202,9,18,Wait a second.
67943,202,9,18,There's bacon right here.
67944,202,9,18,"And where there's bacon, there's bacon grease."
67945,202,9,18,Which we throw out.
67946,202,9,18,And we aren't making any more bacon today.
67947,202,9,18,Not unless it all somehow gets eaten in the ten minutes before breakfast is over.
67948,202,9,18,"No, no, no!"
67949,202,9,18,"Ted, do not give me that look!"
67950,202,9,18,A mountain of food.
67951,202,9,18,A ticking clock? Come on!
67952,202,9,18,You live for this stuff!
67953,202,9,18,"No, I'm not a wild animal."
67954,202,9,18,"I'm a Columbia-educated lawyer, poised to become a judge before age 35."
67955,202,9,18,"And remind me, how did you celebrate getting accepted into Columbia?"
67956,202,9,18,You eat one eight-pound block of fudge in 12 minutes and you're marked for life.
67957,202,9,18,You're not marked for life...
67958,202,9,18,Big Fudge.
67959,202,9,18,"I'm out, okay?"
67960,202,9,18,You eat the bacon.
67961,202,9,18,You know I can't.
67962,202,9,18,I'm allergic. Ted.
67963,202,9,18,I've been trying to tell you this for years.
67964,202,9,18,Your bacon allergy is a lie your mother made up so you'd eat healthy as a kid.
67965,202,9,18,"No, I'm just allergic to a lot of stuff."
67966,202,9,18,"Bacon, doughnuts, Halloween candy."
67967,202,9,18,Not saying thank you.
67968,202,9,18,"Oh, my God!"
67969,202,9,18,That bitch lied to me!
67970,202,9,18,"Okay, I'll-I'll do it."
67971,202,9,18,"But I... look, I don't, I don't even know if I'll like bacon."
67972,202,9,18,(sniffs)
67973,202,9,18,Mm-hmm.
67974,202,9,18,What do you think?
67975,202,9,18,(choir humming)
67976,202,9,18,I have seen the face of God.
67977,202,9,18,"Okay, there is one thing we haven't tried yet."
67978,202,9,18,Making out with each other.
67979,202,9,18,You really think that will wake him up?
67980,202,9,18,Wake up who now?
67981,202,9,18,(Barney moaning)
67982,202,9,18,(groans)
67983,202,9,18,Look at this soggy bag of snot.
67984,202,9,18,"That's it, I am joining Marshall's vow."
67985,202,9,18,"I am never, ever getting that drunk again."
67986,202,9,18,
67987,202,9,18,"NARRATOR: Kids, you see where this is going."
67988,202,9,18,Did last night really happen?
67989,202,9,18,I think so.
67990,202,9,18,"Look, let's just agree."
67991,202,9,18,Absolute silence for the rest of the day.
67992,202,9,18,(baby crying)
67993,202,9,18,(groans)
67994,202,9,18,(laughs)
67995,202,9,18,Every time.
67996,202,9,18,You want me to get her?
67997,202,9,18,"No, I got her."
67998,202,9,18,(grunts)
67999,202,9,18,"Yeah, I know, I know."
68000,202,9,18,(shushing)
68001,202,9,18,"Hey, Barney?"
68002,202,9,18,Yeah?
68003,202,9,18,Whose baby is this?
68004,202,9,18,"Uh, pardon."
68005,202,9,18,(speaks French)
68006,202,9,18,"How could you, Mom?!"
68007,202,9,18,You had the map to heaven and you never showed me the way.
68008,202,9,18,May you rot in the bacon-less hell that I've lived in my entire life.
68009,202,9,18,"Yeah, they-they, uh, crisp it up real nice here."
68010,202,9,18,Don't they? Mm-hmm.
68011,202,9,18,What is that... applewood smoked?
68012,202,9,18,"You know what, Ted, you've been going at it real hard."
68013,202,9,18,Why don't you take a breather?
68014,202,9,18,And I'll drive us home.
68015,202,9,18,(growls)
68016,202,9,18,"Well, congratulations."
68017,202,9,18,Here's your grease.
68018,202,9,18,(grunts)
68019,202,9,18,No!
68020,202,9,18,I don't want to lose a finger.
68021,202,9,18,(grunts)
68022,202,9,18,Here. Thanks.
68023,202,9,18,"All right, Ted, let's go."
68024,202,9,18,"No, no!"
68025,202,9,18,"I finally found the one, Marshall."
68026,202,9,18,Her name is Bacon.
68027,202,9,18,"You know, this would go great on one of my mom's LT sandwiches."
68028,202,9,18,"Buddy, you got to take it easy."
68029,202,9,18,Never!
68030,202,9,18,I got a lifetime without bacon to make up for.
68031,202,9,18,"I will keep eating and eating and eating... Oh, God, help me."
68032,202,9,18,I'm going down.
68033,202,9,18,NARRATOR: And that's the first and last time I ever ate bacon.
68034,202,9,18,Not everything.
68035,202,9,18,Lily Aldrin?
68036,202,9,18,Let's make out.
68037,202,9,18,(gasps)
68038,202,9,18,Are you sure?!
68039,202,9,18,"Yeah, baby, I'm sure."
68040,202,9,18,"Um... okay, well, you know what? I mean... it probably won't even work."
68041,202,9,18,And it was stupid.
68042,202,9,18,I'm stupid.
68043,202,9,18,(shushing)
68044,202,9,18,You're beautiful.
68045,202,9,18,(gasps)
68046,202,9,18,"More, more, more, more, more, more, more, more."
68047,202,9,18,"Whoa, he's awake!"
68048,202,9,18,How'd you do it?!
68049,202,9,18,Nothing special.
68050,202,9,18,"Hydration, patience."
68051,202,9,18,"Quick, before he passes out again."
68052,202,9,18,Barney!
68053,202,9,18,(grunts)
68054,202,9,18,What's the secret ingredient in Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir?
68055,202,9,18,"Come on, stay with us."
68056,202,9,18,The secret ingredient is... nothing.
68057,202,9,18,ALL: Huh?
68058,202,9,18,I ate too much bacon.
68059,202,9,18,Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir is a lie.
68060,202,9,18,That's the secret.
68061,202,9,18,You...
68062,202,9,18,"You know, I could use a little lie-down myself."
68063,202,9,18,"So, Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir is a lie?"
68064,202,9,18,Why would you lie about that?
68065,202,9,18,Just to mess with us?
68066,202,9,18,Like that one jerk in every high school who brings in fake mushrooms just to see who's gullible enough to think they're tripping?
68067,202,9,18,"Damn you, Ollie Gunderson."
68068,202,9,18,I knew those shrooms tasted like Sea-Monkeys.
68069,202,9,18,How do you know what Sea-Monkeys taste like?
68070,202,9,18,My older brothers are not... the best people.
68071,202,9,18,Why did you lie?
68072,202,9,18,I... love you guys.
68073,202,9,18,He loves us?
68074,202,9,18,Let's throw him down the stairs again.
68075,202,9,18,Yeah! Yeah!
68076,202,9,18,"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Think about it."
68077,202,9,18,"The first time Barney gave us that drink, those hangovers all happened at the worst possible moments."
68078,202,9,18,"Remember? Marshall thought he botched day two of the bar exam, so he freaked out that night and got wasted?"
68079,202,9,18,Now I'm gonna miss the last day of the bar?
68080,202,9,18,I'll never be a lawyer!
68081,202,9,18,I should just go back to being a manager at Structure.
68082,202,9,18,That ten percent off all vests sale?
68083,202,9,18,That was my idea!
68084,202,9,18,As was cutting the arms off all the shirts that weren't selling.
68085,202,9,18,That's where I belong.
68086,202,9,18,"No, Marshall."
68087,202,9,18,You're gonna be a lawyer.
68088,202,9,18,(groans)
68089,202,9,18,"No, I can't do it."
68090,202,9,18,"Yes, you can. Your first day back live on the air is gonna be legend... wait for it... dary!"
68091,202,9,18,Your kindergarten field trip to the jackhammer and siren museum today...
68092,202,9,18,(groans)
68093,202,9,18,...is gonna be legendary.
68094,202,9,18,"No, it's not."
68095,202,9,18,Nothing's ever gonna be legendary again.
68096,202,9,18,I-I'm never gonna recover from this.
68097,202,9,18,"It's just a hangover, Ted."
68098,202,9,18,Not that!
68099,202,9,18,"I got left at the altar, Barney."
68100,202,9,18,I'm now a guy who got left at the altar.
68101,202,9,18,There's no coming back from that.
68102,202,9,18,Drink this.
68103,202,9,18,You're gonna be okay.
68104,202,9,18,Barney made up the Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir so we would all believe that we could rally.
68105,202,9,18,"I mean, even though it's fake, it-it worked."
68106,202,9,18,Like-like Dumbo's feather.
68107,202,9,18,Dum-bro's feather.
68108,202,9,18,A placebo.
68109,202,9,18,Place-bro.
68110,202,9,18,A sugar pill.
68111,202,9,18,(gasps)
68112,202,9,18,I...
68113,202,9,18,He lied so we'd be okay.
68114,202,9,18,Hmm.
68115,202,9,18,Barney does love us.
68116,202,9,18,I wish we could help him out the way he helped us.
68117,202,9,18,But the wedding photos are in 20 minutes.
68118,202,9,18,(groans)
68119,202,9,18,My dad's gonna be so pissed.
68120,202,9,18,Yup.
68121,202,9,18,Barney's a dead man.
68122,202,9,18,(camera shutter clicking)
68123,202,9,18,Barney?
68124,202,9,18,You were always a bit... chatty and blond for my taste. Like a woman.
68125,202,9,18,"But this new side of you... quiet, steady?"
68126,202,9,18,I like it!
68127,202,9,18,"You've earned my respect today, son."
68128,202,9,18,I request the highest of fives.
68129,202,9,18,"Oh, no. Stay cool."
68130,202,9,18,I got this.
68131,202,9,18,BARNEY: I don't believe this.
68132,202,9,18,You did Weekend at Barney's.
68133,202,9,18,And it worked.
68134,202,9,18,"God, today's gonna be all downhill from here."
68135,202,9,18,That's what the bride wants to hear.
68136,202,9,18,"No, that's not what I meant."
68137,202,9,18,I just mean Weekend at Barney's is a thousand times more amazing than our wedding could ever be.
68138,202,9,18,I'm gonna get some more coffee. I can't wait to see the photos!
68139,202,9,18,"Well, he bought it."
68140,202,9,18,We lied out of love.
68141,202,9,18,Look how happy he is.
68142,202,9,18,"I mean, he has no idea we had to cancel the wedding photos and my dad was so angry, he came up to our room and kicked Barney in the crotch."
68143,202,9,18,And the best part is your dad has no idea.
68144,202,9,18,He still loves me.
68145,202,9,18,"Hey, do anyone else's balls hurt?"
68146,202,9,18,"MARSHALL: And, look, some good came out of all this."
68147,202,9,18,"Seeing you like that, we all vowed never to get that drunk again."
68148,202,9,18,"Well, actually I didn't."
68149,202,9,18,But I will now.
68150,202,9,18,Never again.
68151,202,9,18,Never again. Never again. Never... Ow!
68152,202,9,18,"NARRATOR: Kids, no matter how hard we try, even the best of us go a little too wild sometimes."
68153,202,9,18,"And in those moments, we all need someone who loves us to help us rally."
68154,202,9,18,(groans)
68155,202,9,18,(whispers): Happy New Year. Okay.
68156,202,9,18,"That was, that was way too loud."
68157,202,9,18,You're practically screaming.
68158,202,9,18,What you need is Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir.
68159,202,9,18,Even if that means lying once in a while.
68160,202,9,18,Does it work?
68161,202,9,18,Totally works.
68162,202,9,18,(gags)
68163,202,9,18,"It's normal, it's totally normal."
68164,202,9,18,(groans)
68165,202,9,18,(laughs)
68166,202,9,18,I love you so much.
68167,202,9,18,"I love you, too."
68168,202,9,18,"Whoop, whoop."
68169,202,9,18,Better drink it fast.
68170,202,9,18,BOTH: Mommy!
68171,202,9,18,"Hey, look who it is!"
68172,202,9,18,Get her!
68173,202,9,18,(all clamoring)
68174,202,9,18,I can't believe we kissed today.
68175,202,9,18,Weird.
68176,202,9,18,"I-I feel kind of bad that, um, Ted and Marshall missed it."
68177,202,9,18,"Hey, we should kiss one more time in front of them just to, like, blow their minds."
68178,202,9,18,Right?
68179,202,9,18,"Nah, I don't think so."
68180,202,9,18,"Exactly, totally."
68181,202,9,18,"Ha-ha, guys, you don't get to see this kiss either."
68182,202,9,18,"So, where should we go?"
68183,202,9,18,"Closet, patio?"
68184,202,9,18,"Ooh, I think the sauna's open."
68185,202,9,18,"Well, I... actually... to be honest, it-it felt kind of weird to me."
68186,202,9,18,Once was enough.
68187,202,9,18,Totally.
68188,202,9,18,We could kiss.
68189,202,9,18,We could not kiss.
68190,202,9,18,We could kiss.
68191,202,9,18,Doesn't matter to me.
68192,202,9,18,It's stupid.
68193,202,9,18,I'm stupid.
68194,203,9,19,Thank you for bringing me here.
68195,203,9,19,I am so glad we made it. That snowstorm was getting really bad.
68196,203,9,19,"Wait, you think this is a snowstorm?"
68197,203,9,19,This is nothing. I'll tell you about a snowstorm.
68198,203,9,19,"It was winter break, freshman year of college..."
68199,203,9,19,"Marshall and I were roommates, but we weren't really good friends yet."
68200,203,9,19,"THE MOTHER: Wait, stop."
68201,203,9,19,You've told me this one before.
68202,203,9,19,I have? When?
68203,203,9,19,"Uh, let's see. It was... all the time."
68204,203,9,19,Really?
68205,203,9,19,(deep breath)
68206,203,9,19,You and Marshall drove back to school...
68207,203,9,19,"""500 Miles"" played on a loop."
68208,203,9,19,"You took a back road, ran out of gas, got stuck in a snowstorm, spooned to stay warm... at least that's your story... and at the end of it, you were best friends."
68209,203,9,19,"Okay. Okay, that's fine, because guess what."
68210,203,9,19,That wasn't even the worst snowstorm ever.
68211,203,9,19,It was 2008...
68212,203,9,19,Barney and I...
68213,203,9,19,"THE MOTHER: Took over the bar, met the Arizona Tech marching band-- ""Go Hens!""-- and they played ""Auld Lang Syne"" when Marshall picked up Lily at the airport."
68214,203,9,19,Okay. Have I told you about the time that Marshall...
68215,203,9,19,THE MOTHER: Tried to put Christmas lights on Lily's grandparents' house and the little ragamuffin from next door left him stranded on the roof?
68216,203,9,19,Did Lily tell you that one?
68217,203,9,19,Yeah.
68218,203,9,19,"Lily used the word ""ragamuffin."""
68219,203,9,19,So I've told you all my stories.
68220,203,9,19,I'm afraid so. But luckily I have plenty of stories that you don't know yet.
68221,203,9,19,Like the one where my college roommates and I went to this male strip club...
68222,203,9,19,And your friend Dongnose got smacked on the nose with a dong?
68223,203,9,19,I know that one.
68224,203,9,19,Okay.
68225,203,9,19,What about the story that explains how...
68226,203,9,19,"Dongnose got her nickname ""Dongnose"" and that it had nothing to do with the dong-smacking incident?"
68227,203,9,19,"Heard it, loved it, called it the greatest coincidence of the 21st century."
68228,203,9,19,Wow.
68229,203,9,19,You know every one of my stories.
68230,203,9,19,And you know every one of mine.
68231,203,9,19,I guess it's official.
68232,203,9,19,We're an old married couple.
68233,203,9,19,Nice! We did it!
68234,203,9,19,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x19 ♪
68235,203,9,19,Vesuvius
68236,203,9,19,"Original Air Date on March 3, 2014"
68237,203,9,19,"Well, well, if it isn't the Mosbys."
68238,203,9,19,Hi. Hi.
68239,203,9,19,Here for a romantic weekend away from the kids.
68240,203,9,19,"(laughs) It's a good thing there's no guests on either side of you, 'cause those bedsprings are gonna squeak like mice in a cheese factory. Am I right? (laughs)"
68241,203,9,19,"Just don't break any of the lamps like your friends Barney and Robin, okay? That's not how the lamp broke."
68242,203,9,19,"Of course not. All right, you have fun, you two."
68243,203,9,19,(chuckles)
68244,203,9,19,"Uh, what lamp is this?"
68245,203,9,19,The lamp Robin broke the day of the wedding.
68246,203,9,19,"Oh, my God."
68247,203,9,19,You don't know this one.
68248,203,9,19,Oh... man.
68249,203,9,19,This is a good one.
68250,203,9,19,(laughs)
68251,203,9,19,"I mean, it's got everything."
68252,203,9,19,"Intrigue, betrayal, lamps."
68253,203,9,19,"It is a ripping yarn, so buckle your seatbelt."
68254,203,9,19,Just tell the story. Okay.
68255,203,9,19,Here goes.
68256,203,9,19,Robin broke a lamp.
68257,203,9,19,"Okay, this has to stop."
68258,203,9,19,"Come on, we're just having fun."
68259,203,9,19,It has been a long weekend.
68260,203,9,19,This is how I relax.
68261,203,9,19,Really?
68262,203,9,19,This is how you relax?
68263,203,9,19,By not getting a single shot past me the entire morning?
68264,203,9,19,"You suck, Scherbatsky, you shoot like my grandma."
68265,203,9,19,"Okay, Scherbatsky, you just poked the dragon."
68266,203,9,19,Here comes the bride.
68267,203,9,19,"Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, okay. How about we switch to an activity that's more suited to somebody who's, you know, (chuckles), getting married today?"
68268,203,9,19,Oh. We gonna go chug some Labatts?
68269,203,9,19,I was thinking we could chug some memories instead.
68270,203,9,19,"""Barney & Robin: Lovers Foreve,[/i] rand Ever and Ever: A Love Story."""
68271,203,9,19,Sounds cheesy. I'm gonna go barf forever and ever and ever.
68272,203,9,19,"See you, hosers."
68273,203,9,19,It's not cheesy.
68274,203,9,19,(gentle tune starts chiming)
68275,203,9,19,See?
68276,203,9,19,(sniffles)
68277,203,9,19,"Uh, can you tell me the name of the guest staying in room nine?"
68278,203,9,19,I'm sorry.
68279,203,9,19,That would violate hotel privacy policy.
68280,203,9,19,"Well, maybe my old friend Mr. Lincoln... can emancipate that information."
68281,203,9,19,"I'm so sorry, I wasn't clear."
68282,203,9,19,I can't violate our hotel privacy policy.
68283,203,9,19,For five dollars.
68284,203,9,19,Something with a two on it is fine.
68285,203,9,19,But those are super rare and the one I have is kind of lucky.
68286,203,9,19,"Just give me a 20, Mr. Mosby."
68287,203,9,19,That room belongs to a Ms. Susan Tupp.
68288,203,9,19,"Oh, boy."
68289,203,9,19,"BARNEY: God, you're gorgeous."
68290,203,9,19,"Oh, I can't wait to be inside you."
68291,203,9,19,"Barney. Get out here, this is your wedding day."
68292,203,9,19,Wha... (grunts)
68293,203,9,19,Where is she? Who?
68294,203,9,19,"Look, I just grossly overpaid for some information about this room, so I know it's accurate."
68295,203,9,19,This room belongs to Susan Tupp.
68296,203,9,19,Who?
68297,203,9,19,Susan Tupp.
68298,203,9,19,Who?
68299,203,9,19,Sue...
68300,203,9,19,Tupp.
68301,203,9,19,Suit up.
68302,203,9,19,I'm trying to.
68303,203,9,19,I need you to help me pick the suit I'm gonna wear when I walk down the aisle.
68304,203,9,19,"Okay, Robin walks down the aisle, you wait at the end of it."
68305,203,9,19,"Okay, then the suit I'll be wearing when they all stand as I enter the chapel. That's also her."
68306,203,9,19,"Really? Man, the fellas sure do get boned on the whole wedding thing, don't they? Okay."
68307,203,9,19,"All right, well, let's, let's pick you a suit."
68308,203,9,19,What are... what are the top contenders?
68309,203,9,19,"Well, after careful consideration, I have narrowed it down to these ones... and these ones... and the other ones in this room and all the ones in the adjoining room."
68310,203,9,19,So you've narrowed it down to all your suits.
68311,203,9,19,"Yeah, we're screwed."
68312,203,9,19,And this is a picture of the restaurant where you and Barney had your first date.
68313,203,9,19,And now you're getting married.
68314,203,9,19,Mm. And this is the receipt from the meal you and Barney ate at that restaurant on your first date.
68315,203,9,19,And now you're getting married.
68316,203,9,19,Can we look at this later?
68317,203,9,19,Later? There is no later.
68318,203,9,19,"Robin, this is a day you only get to do once."
68319,203,9,19,You need to appreciate the importance of it right now.
68320,203,9,19,"Oh, my God."
68321,203,9,19,How did I only just now realize this?
68322,203,9,19,"Dude, this hotel has"
68323,203,9,19,The Wedding Bride 2 on pay-per-view.
68324,203,9,19,Score.
68325,203,9,19,This is the best day of my life!
68326,203,9,19,"I mean, I know Robin's not the girliest girl, but you'd think on her wedding day, she'd be at least a little sentimental."
68327,203,9,19,Everyone deals with getting married differently.
68328,203,9,19,I got what I thought was the worst haircut ever.
68329,203,9,19,Till I fixed it with the actual worst haircut ever.
68330,203,9,19,Which led to the worst wedding photos ever.
68331,203,9,19,But at least you had a wedding day freak-out.
68332,203,9,19,"Baby, don't worry. Any minute now, Robin's gonna get smacked in the face with her ow,[/i] nholy crap, this is my wedding"" moment, and then she's gonna wedding out all over the place. I promise."
68333,203,9,19,"But you can't force it, it has to just happen."
68334,203,9,19,"Mm, I don't know. I mean, she bailed on my scrapbook when she found out"
68335,203,9,19,The Wedding Bride 2 is on pay-per-view.
68336,203,9,19,The Wedding Bride 2 is on pay-per-view?!
68337,203,9,19,"CURTIS: I'm sorry, did... did I hear you guys talking about"
68338,203,9,19,The Wedding Bride?
68339,203,9,19,"Oh, God. The movie or the... smash Broadway musical?"
68340,203,9,19,"(scoffs) Smash? Oh, oh, oh, I-I guess a show's a smash now if it closes after only 96 weeks."
68341,203,9,19,So my husband's ex-fiancé's husband wrote the screenplay for The Wedding Bride.
68342,203,9,19,"""Jed Mosley"" was based on Ted."
68343,203,9,19,"Okay, Jed was not based on me..."
68344,203,9,19,Hey!
68345,203,9,19,"That is not a toy, you ragamuffin."
68346,203,9,19,That is an authentic flail I won at the Renaissance fair.
68347,203,9,19,...entirely.
68348,203,9,19,"But, regardless, there's... there's still some lingering pain there and..."
68349,203,9,19,"Well, as you can imagine, my friends promised me that they'd never watch it."
68350,203,9,19,Wow.
68351,203,9,19,Those are some good friends.
68352,203,9,19,"Oh, they're the best."
68353,203,9,19,"Oh, oh, whoa!"
68354,203,9,19,My wiener!
68355,203,9,19,I can't believe Jed made us promise not to watch this.
68356,203,9,19,"Wait, you mean Ted."
68357,203,9,19,Whatever. Same guy.
68358,203,9,19,"See, I would have expected you to have an extra-special suit tailor-made just for this occasion."
68359,203,9,19,"Oh, I did."
68360,203,9,19,I had my boy Timmy G make the perfect wedding suit.
68361,203,9,19,"You ever heard of ""bespoke""?"
68362,203,9,19,This suit was be-freaking-screamed.
68363,203,9,19,"But then I tried it on this morning and it was uncomfortable and itchy and completely wrong. It was like a suit made for someone with terrible posture, no taste and limited funds."
68364,203,9,19,"Here, you take it."
68365,203,9,19,"The only question is, which of these other suits do I pick?"
68366,203,9,19,There are so many great ones to choose from.
68367,203,9,19,"Uh, how about this one?"
68368,203,9,19,"Yes. Yes, that's the one."
68369,203,9,19,"Oh, hey, quick question: is it weird to get married in a suit that you may have worn while banging a female rodeo clown?"
68370,203,9,19,I know what you're wondering.
68371,203,9,19,"Yes, the carpet matched the drapes."
68372,203,9,19,Of course that's weird. Every part of that is weird.
68373,203,9,19,Mm.
68374,203,9,19,"Uh, what about this suit?"
68375,203,9,19,Huh?
68376,203,9,19,(slow chuckle)
68377,203,9,19,Let's just say I stuffed a lot of bunnies in that suit.
68378,203,9,19,"Ugh, Barney, do you have to phrase it that way?"
68379,203,9,19,"Actual bunnies, Ted. This is my magic suit."
68380,203,9,19,Get your mind out of the gutter.
68381,203,9,19,"Though, I did once wear it to the Playboy holiday party and, uh... (chuckles)"
68382,203,9,19,Let's just say I stuffed a lot of Bunnies in that suit.
68383,203,9,19,Uh...
68384,203,9,19,"How about this one? Oh, man, I went crazy on an escort in that one."
68385,203,9,19,"Barney, come on."
68386,203,9,19,"A Ford Escort, Ted, I did it on a car."
68387,203,9,19,With a woman who I then may or may not have paid.
68388,203,9,19,"Yeah, that one's out, too."
68389,203,9,19,"Okay, so your wedding's in a few hours."
68390,203,9,19,"Kind of strange to spend those hours watching a terrible movie, right?"
68391,203,9,19,"Terrible? Lily, this movie is a revelation."
68392,203,9,19,I can't believe that Ted wouldn't let us see it.
68393,203,9,19,Yeah. Why was he hanging so much beef on this movie?
68394,203,9,19,Just 'cause there's a character based on him? (laughs)
68395,203,9,19,
68396,203,9,19,Of course. I'll make all weddings illegal.
68397,203,9,19,Then Stella can never be a wedding bride.
68398,203,9,19,(cackles)
68399,203,9,19,"Ooh, No-can-I-do's-ville, baby doll."
68400,203,9,19,"It's like, ""Relax, Ted, it's no big deal. You should be flattered."""
68401,203,9,19,And now to celebrate with that piece of chocolate cake I've been saving.
68402,203,9,19,What?!
68403,203,9,19,Who ate my cake?!
68404,203,9,19,"Uh, what cake?"
68405,203,9,19,Narshall!
68406,203,9,19,Narshall?
68407,203,9,19,Narshall. How dare they?
68408,203,9,19,That is insulting and ridiculous and I am nothing like that character.
68409,203,9,19,I'm gonna sue everyone involved with this film.
68410,203,9,19,"So, you're-you're gonna sue them on the grounds that nothing like that cake thing has ever happened?"
68411,203,9,19,(sighs)
68412,203,9,19,"If Ted didn't want me to eat that cake, he should have put a note on it."
68413,203,9,19,(knocking)
68414,203,9,19,"Oh, hi, Grandma. Robin, sweetheart."
68415,203,9,19,I wanted you to have this.
68416,203,9,19,It's me and your grandpa on our wedding day.
68417,203,9,19,"Aw, that's so sweet."
68418,203,9,19,See my bouquet?
68419,203,9,19,"Those wildflowers... they were supposed to be hydrangeas, but there was a mix-up at the florist's."
68420,203,9,19,I was so upset.
68421,203,9,19,"Your grandpa went behind the church and picked those wildflowers for me. And now he's buried... Behind the very same church, surrounded by the very same wildflowers."
68422,203,9,19,"Okay, Grandma, watching a movie. Got to go."
68423,203,9,19,"Every single holiday, that same dumb story."
68424,203,9,19,"Sorry, Grandma, not as touching as you think it is."
68425,203,9,19,(crying): At the very same church.
68426,203,9,19,"Now, I want to see if Jed can get his wiener unstuck from that thermos."
68427,203,9,19,(chuckling)
68428,203,9,19,"No-can-do's-ville, baby doll."
68429,203,9,19,"Uh, I'm sorry. Did you just turn off the bride's TV on her wedding day?"
68430,203,9,19,Oh!
68431,203,9,19,Oh! Is this your wedding day?
68432,203,9,19,(chuckles)
68433,203,9,19,"I'm sorry. I couldn't tell because you're acting like it's any other Sunday morning, and it's not."
68434,203,9,19,"Lily, if you're waiting for me to suddenly turn into th-th-the Wedding Bride, you just give up."
68435,203,9,19,That's just not me. Fine.
68436,203,9,19,Maybe we should all just act like this wedding's no big deal.
68437,203,9,19,Maybe I don't even feel like wearing my bridesmaid's dress.
68438,203,9,19,Great. It-It's just a wedding. Who cares what people wear?
68439,203,9,19,Say yes to the suit!
68440,203,9,19,(sobbing): I can't! I can't.
68441,203,9,19,Great. Because I actually brought a different dress that I'd like to wear.
68442,203,9,19,Fine.
68443,203,9,19,"Oh, no."
68444,203,9,19,Maybe I'll go put it on right now.
68445,203,9,19,Go right ahead. What?
68446,203,9,19,(sucks air through teeth)
68447,203,9,19,I'm so sorry.
68448,203,9,19,"What, why?"
68449,203,9,19,"I know this story, too."
68450,203,9,19,Really?
68451,203,9,19,"Mm-hmm. Yeah. Robin and Lily get in a big fight and then, a few minutes later, there's a knock at the door."
68452,203,9,19,Hello.
68453,203,9,19,I've told you this one before.
68454,203,9,19,A few times.
68455,203,9,19,(groans)
68456,203,9,19,I'm just... a boring old man who won't stop spinning yarns.
68457,203,9,19,"Oh, hey. I love your yarns."
68458,203,9,19,I hope you never stop spinning them.
68459,203,9,19,But...
68460,203,9,19,"You're the love of my life, Pooh Bear."
68461,203,9,19,I just worry about you.
68462,203,9,19,I don't want you to be the guy who lives in his stories.
68463,203,9,19,Life only moves forward.
68464,203,9,19,So what happens next?
68465,203,9,19,"With Lily and the wedding dress, I mean."
68466,203,9,19,Well... she brought the dress so that she and Marshall could get new wedding photos taken.
68467,203,9,19,Because in yet another story that I know...
68468,203,9,19,(shouting)
68469,203,9,19,No!
68470,203,9,19,What kind of space would I have in my brain for other things if I didn't know all this?
68471,203,9,19,"Eh, probably just state birds or some crap."
68472,203,9,19,(chuckles)
68473,203,9,19,"So, uh, Lily wanted to borrow Robin's photographer."
68474,203,9,19,"That shouldn't be a problem. Shouldn't be a problem, Robin? Of course it should be a problem."
68475,203,9,19,This is your wedding.
68476,203,9,19,You can't let somebody borrow your photographer.
68477,203,9,19,"Don't worry. She's not serious, Robin."
68478,203,9,19,I didn't even bring the suit that I wore to our wedding.
68479,203,9,19,"Yes, you did."
68480,203,9,19,It's in our room.
68481,203,9,19,Go put it on. We're doing this.
68482,203,9,19,"And, Robin, since you don't seem to care, I think I'll be wearing this to the ceremony."
68483,203,9,19,Fine! Fine!
68484,203,9,19,Fine. There's a very simple solution here.
68485,203,9,19,We might as well just face it.
68486,203,9,19,(sighs)
68487,203,9,19,"U.S. Marines have to get married in uniform, so..."
68488,203,9,19,I'll just go enlist.
68489,203,9,19,"Dude, we can enlist together! That's the dream!"
68490,203,9,19,That's not the...
68491,203,9,19,I wonder if they let you pick bunkmates. I hope they do.
68492,203,9,19,Although I might want to request a single. You'll make friends.
68493,203,9,19,"Look, enough of this."
68494,203,9,19,Tim made you this amazing suit.
68495,203,9,19,Put it on.
68496,203,9,19,This feels weird.
68497,203,9,19,That's because it's new.
68498,203,9,19,"It's a suit that's never been worn before, a suit you never dreamed you'd wear."
68499,203,9,19,All of this suit's memories are still ahead of it.
68500,203,9,19,"Look, picture it, huh?"
68501,203,9,19,The ceremony.
68502,203,9,19,When everyone stands up for me? They do that for her.
68503,203,9,19,They should.
68504,203,9,19,She's gonna look amazing.
68505,203,9,19,You'd better believe it.
68506,203,9,19,"She walks down the aisle, you say your vows, you go to the reception, you have your first dance."
68507,203,9,19,"And before you know it, just like magic, you realize... it's a perfect fit."
68508,203,9,19,"You're right, Ted."
68509,203,9,19,This is the one.
68510,203,9,19,Thanks.
68511,203,9,19,So... belts.
68512,203,9,19,"Hey, Lil. Nice dress."
68513,203,9,19,(sighs) You two were made for each other.
68514,203,9,19,"Like, does no one care that I'm wearing this dress?"
68515,203,9,19,I care.
68516,203,9,19,Okay. Now you're good.
68517,203,9,19,"Okay, look, I know this is your wedding, but this is a big moment for all of us."
68518,203,9,19,This may be the last time we're all hanging out together for who knows how long.
68519,203,9,19,"I mean, tomorrow morning, Ted's leaving for Chicag..."
68520,203,9,19,"Oh, boy. Lily."
68521,203,9,19,"Wait, you already know."
68522,203,9,19,You already know.
68523,203,9,19,"You're married to Lily, which means..."
68524,203,9,19,She pocket-texted me while you were telling her.
68525,203,9,19,So... everybody knows I'm moving to Chicago tomorrow.
68526,203,9,19,Lily's right.
68527,203,9,19,We don't know the next time that we'll all be together.
68528,203,9,19,TED: And then I think it hit all of us.
68529,203,9,19,We didn't know the next time we'd be together.
68530,203,9,19,This was it.
68531,203,9,19,And it's funny.
68532,203,9,19,"In a moment like that, when what's really happening is too intense to deal with, sometimes it's best..."
68533,203,9,19,To leave it unspoken and just enjoy each other's company instead.
68534,203,9,19,"You know, I've been wanting to see this movie."
68535,203,9,19,"Yes, movie time."
68536,203,9,19,So it's not bad luck for the... bride to see the groom in his wedding suit?
68537,203,9,19,"No, I think it's fine. Nice tie."
68538,203,9,19,Thanks. There was a cornflower blue one I almost went with.
68539,203,9,19,"Oh. Um, that would've brought out your eyes."
68540,203,9,19,"You brought more than one tie, right?"
68541,203,9,19,I was trying to pack light.
68542,203,9,19,"Hey, you know what, maybe the, uh, groomsmen should go get some food."
68543,203,9,19,I don't want Ted to have to sit through this movie.
68544,203,9,19,"Ah. I appreciate that, Narshall."
68545,203,9,19,Really?
68546,203,9,19,"Aw, damn it. Sorry, I saw it on a plane."
68547,203,9,19,"What, so this is gonna be, like, a thing now?"
68548,203,9,19,"Yeah, it's gonna be a thing now, Narshall. Right?"
68549,203,9,19,Narshall.
68550,203,9,19,"(chuckles) Dude, settle down, Swarley."
68551,203,9,19,Yeah.
68552,203,9,19,"Yeah, Swarlize Theron, take it easy."
68553,203,9,19,"Man, this was supposed to be my special day."
68554,203,9,19,"Oh. Hey, we survived the storm!"
68555,203,9,19,"(sniffing) Oh, Narshall, did you do that?"
68556,203,9,19,Nope. Wasn't me.
68557,203,9,19,"Well, then who was it?"
68558,203,9,19,(growling)
68559,203,9,19,(Jed and Narshall yelling)
68560,203,9,19,A gorilla! Gorilla!
68561,203,9,19,So that really happened to Ted?
68562,203,9,19,That is exactly what went down.
68563,203,9,19,Chapter and verse.
68564,203,9,19,Uh-oh. Out of ice.
68565,203,9,19,"I'll get it. Oh, no. Got it. Sit down."
68566,203,9,19,"Plus, the, uh, vending machine's got a loose coil."
68567,203,9,19,I'm gonna try to hip check my way into some free Tropical Skittles.
68568,203,9,19,(chuckles)
68569,203,9,19,(sighs)
68570,203,9,19,"Your sister's not like most brides, is she?"
68571,203,9,19,She's a Scherbatsky. She's not gonna lose her Timbits just 'cause she's getting married.
68572,203,9,19,"I guess some people just never have tha,[/i] tholy crap, this is my wedding"" moment."
68573,203,9,19,(humming softly)
68574,203,9,19,Mom?
68575,203,9,19,TED: That's the story.
68576,203,9,19,Right down to the surprise ending.
68577,203,9,19,Is that really such a surprise?
68578,203,9,19,"I mean, come on."
68579,203,9,19,"Yeah, of course she showed up."
68580,203,9,19,What mother is gonna miss her daughter's wedding?
68581,203,9,19,"Oh, hey."
68582,203,9,19,No. Come on.
68583,203,9,19,(sniffling)
68584,203,9,19,It's okay. I'm fine.
68585,203,9,19,I'm okay.
68586,203,9,19,(sighs)
68587,203,9,19,Did Barney really wear a scuba suit into the bar?
68588,203,9,19,I've told you that story a million times.
68589,203,9,19,"Yeah, but where did Barney get the scuba suit?"
68590,203,9,19,(chuckles)
68591,203,9,19,He stole it.
68592,203,9,19,What?
68593,203,9,19,Yeah.
68594,203,9,19,(chuckles)
68595,203,9,19,I can't believe I forgot that.
68596,203,9,19,"He... walked right into a sporting goods store, tried on a scuba suit, and walked right out the door."
68597,203,9,19,"Walked all the way home in it, like, 20 blocks."
68598,203,9,19,(chuckles)
68599,203,9,19,(laughs)
68600,203,9,19,"Guy in a scuba suit, just walking down Broadway. Ah."
68601,203,9,19,He should be in prison.
68602,203,9,19,"Well, yeah, for lots of reasons."
68603,203,9,19,(laughs)
68604,203,9,19,"You know, the thief of the group is Lily."
68605,203,9,19,"Yes. Oh, my God. Lily... No. She stole my heart."
68606,203,9,19,"No, n-no, I'm telling you, Lily, from like, uh..."
68607,203,9,19,♪ She might be in Tangier
68608,203,9,19,♪ She left here last early spring ♪
68609,203,9,19,"♪ Is livin' there, I hear ♪"
68610,203,9,19,♪ Say for me that I'm all right ♪
68611,203,9,19,♪ Though things get kind of slow ♪
68612,203,9,19,♪ She might think that I've forgotten her ♪
68613,204,9,20,"NARRATOR: It was the day of Barney and Robin's wedding, and a surprise guest had just arrived."
68614,204,9,20,"ROBIN: Mom, I-I can't believe you're here."
68615,204,9,20,How did you get here?
68616,204,9,20,On a plane.
68617,204,9,20,"With your fear of flying? What, did the plane drive here?"
68618,204,9,20,(laughs)
68619,204,9,20,"I've made enormous strides since you last saw me, dear."
68620,204,9,20,This is nice.
68621,204,9,20,(chuckles)
68622,204,9,20,"I don't love flying, I must admit."
68623,204,9,20,"I haven't been on a plane in years, but... maybe this won't be such a bad..."
68624,204,9,20,"PILOT: Ladies and gentlemen, we are cleared for takeoff."
68625,204,9,20,(screams)
68626,204,9,20,We're all gonna die!
68627,204,9,20,We're all gonna die!
68628,204,9,20,(screaming)
68629,204,9,20,"During the flight, I'll admit, I-I had a few... difficult moments, but, you know, by the time we'd landed..."
68630,204,9,20,Here already.
68631,204,9,20,"Well, I have to say, it wasn't so dreadful after all."
68632,204,9,20,"Oh, I do apologize if I caused any distress."
68633,204,9,20,"And, oh, I'm terribly sorry about the door."
68634,204,9,20,I had no idea it would fly off like that.
68635,204,9,20,"Please, please send me a bill, because I'd like to replace it."
68636,204,9,20,I'll be taking the train home.
68637,204,9,20,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x20 ♪
68638,204,9,20,Daisy
68639,204,9,20,"Original Air Date on March 10, 2014"
68640,204,9,20,"Well, it's official: I'm gonna be Judge Marshall Eriksen."
68641,204,9,20,That is great.
68642,204,9,20,Can you help me get a driver's license?
68643,204,9,20,A what?
68644,204,9,20,"Marshall, you, uh, you don't sound too excited to become a judge."
68645,204,9,20,(sighs) I feel kind of guilty about it.
68646,204,9,20,"I mean, I know how badly Lily wanted to move to Italy."
68647,204,9,20,"Don't do this, bro."
68648,204,9,20,Classic mistake.
68649,204,9,20,You won-- enjoy it.
68650,204,9,20,Drink the blood of your vanquished enemy and move on.
68651,204,9,20,You're gonna be a great husband.
68652,204,9,20,"No, no, wait, he has a point."
68653,204,9,20,"I mean, you said yourself, it was her decision."
68654,204,9,20,Lily chose to give up her job and not move to Rome so you could be a judge.
68655,204,9,20,"Yeah, but something seemed off."
68656,204,9,20,"We had this big fight and she stormed out, and when she came back, she had totally, like, changed her mind."
68657,204,9,20,"Wait, what time was this?"
68658,204,9,20,"A little after 3:00 a.m., Billy Zabka. Why?"
68659,204,9,20,"Well, last night, I was out doing some late-night dirt-biking in the sand."
68660,204,9,20,Naturally. Continue. And I ended up at that EZ Pick a few miles up the road.
68661,204,9,20,"And, well..."
68662,204,9,20,That's odd.
68663,204,9,20,SEVERAL PEOPLE: Boo...!
68664,204,9,20,You saw Lily getting into someone's car?
68665,204,9,20,I wonder who it was.
68666,204,9,20,What did the license plate say?
68667,204,9,20,It said...
68668,204,9,20,"""AHOY!!!"""
68669,204,9,20,The Captain! Lily's boss.
68670,204,9,20,He has a house out here.
68671,204,9,20,"Wait, why was Lily getting into the Captain's car at 3:00 in the morning?"
68672,204,9,20,Guys...
68673,204,9,20,"I hate to even say this, but... do you think it's possible..."
68674,204,9,20,...that I could eat six of these saltines in under a minute?
68675,204,9,20,Challenge accepted!
68676,204,9,20,"Well, I can't wait to meet this Barney."
68677,204,9,20,"I haven't met him already, have I?"
68678,204,9,20,"Because they said after getting Tasered, I might suffer from short-term memory loss."
68679,204,9,20,"Oh, you'd remember if you'd met Barney."
68680,204,9,20,Why don't I see what he's doing right now?
68681,204,9,20,(phone ringing)
68682,204,9,20,"Barney's phone. Ted, where's Barney?"
68683,204,9,20,He's trying to eat six saltines in under a minute.
68684,204,9,20,"Well, his future mother-in-law is here."
68685,204,9,20,Robin's mom is here.
68686,204,9,20,And she wants to meet him.
68687,204,9,20,She wants to meet you.
68688,204,9,20,He's kind of in the middle of a saltine challenge at the moment.
68689,204,9,20,"But as soon as he's done, he'll just, uh, pop right over."
68690,204,9,20,All right. Good-bye.
68691,204,9,20,ROBIN: The saltine challenge?
68692,204,9,20,Now?
68693,204,9,20,(Lily chuckles)
68694,204,9,20,It's his wedding day.
68695,204,9,20,Guys do weird things on their wedding day.
68696,204,9,20,"Well, on my wedding day, Robin's father completely disappeared for about three hours."
68697,204,9,20,"He just said, ""I've got to go and teach somebody some manners,"" and off he went."
68698,204,9,20,"And then three hours later, he emerged from the woods with a dead elk slung across his shoulder."
68699,204,9,20,And I didn't even know that there were elk in Bermuda.
68700,204,9,20,But this Barney... he sounds like a fine young man.
68701,204,9,20,"Yes, he is."
68702,204,9,20,We're going again.
68703,204,9,20,"Marshall, are you okay?"
68704,204,9,20,"Why did she get into the Captain's car, and why didn't she tell me about it?"
68705,204,9,20,"Well, maybe it was a work thing. What? No."
68706,204,9,20,"She has a big fight with me, she goes down to an EZ Pick, she gets into the Captain's Mercedes, and then three hours later, she doesn't want to go to Italy anymore?"
68707,204,9,20,"I mean, do you think this means..."
68708,204,9,20,That the Captain moored his dinghy in Lily's lagoon?
68709,204,9,20,Most definitely.
68710,204,9,20,That's crazy.
68711,204,9,20,You'd never moor a dinghy in a lagoon.
68712,204,9,20,"I don't know, Ted."
68713,204,9,20,"In certain tidal conditions, if you had a protected inlet..."
68714,204,9,20,"Okay, you know what? It doesn't matter."
68715,204,9,20,Today is Barney's wedding.
68716,204,9,20,Let's just forget it.
68717,204,9,20,"Marshall... do you want to go over to the Captain's house right now, punch him in the face really fast and then come back and do this wedding?"
68718,204,9,20,Would that be okay?
68719,204,9,20,"Ranjit, get the car."
68720,204,9,20,Getting the car.
68721,204,9,20,"Baby, I can't wait to meet your mom, but I kind of got to go on a little excursion with the boys right now."
68722,204,9,20,What? Where are you going?
68723,204,9,20,Me and the boys have to go teach someone some manners.
68724,204,9,20,Are there any elk on Long Island?
68725,204,9,20,♪ My gallant housekeeping crew ♪
68726,204,9,20,♪ Good morning.
68727,204,9,20,♪ Sir! Good morning.
68728,204,9,20,♪ I hope you are quite well.
68729,204,9,20,"♪ Quite well, and you, sir?"
68730,204,9,20,♪ I am in reasonable health.
68731,204,9,20,♪ And happy to meet you all once... ♪
68732,204,9,20,(doorbell rings)
68733,204,9,20,"Oh, bother it!"
68734,204,9,20,I'll get it.
68735,204,9,20,"Ahoy, Marshall!"
68736,204,9,20,(Captain grunts)
68737,204,9,20,"Are you okay, Robin? No, I'm not okay, because apparently, I am marrying my dad in a few hours."
68738,204,9,20,"Oh, sweetie, no."
68739,204,9,20,I'm sure that's not true.
68740,204,9,20,"I mean, th-there's so much you don't know about your father."
68741,204,9,20,"There were... oh, there were so many other red flags in our marriage."
68742,204,9,20,"I mean, for instance, do you know that before he was engaged to me, he was engaged to marry an exotic dancer?"
68743,204,9,20,Hello!
68744,204,9,20,Red flag!
68745,204,9,20,"LILY: Oh, Genevieve, not good."
68746,204,9,20,"And did you know that one time, to impress women, he dressed up like a Prussian aristocrat, had a painting of himself made, and posed next to it in an art gallery?"
68747,204,9,20,Can you imagine?
68748,204,9,20,"Oh, that's a rough one."
68749,204,9,20,"Darling, darling, the list goes on."
68750,204,9,20,He would always take his mother's side in arguments.
68751,204,9,20,He never checked with me before making plans.
68752,204,9,20,"And our rehearsal dinner... oh, boy, did we have it out right before our rehearsal dinner!"
68753,204,9,20,"Thank you, Linus."
68754,204,9,20,"GENEVIEVE: For the first ten years I knew him, I didn't even know what your father did for a living."
68755,204,9,20,"Every time I used to ask him, he'd just say... Please!"
68756,204,9,20,"Yes, that's exactly what he used to say."
68757,204,9,20,How did you know that?
68758,204,9,20,"Heck of a jab, Marshall."
68759,204,9,20,Well-placed.
68760,204,9,20,"MARSHALL: Captain, I know something happened between you and Lily last night."
68761,204,9,20,What?
68762,204,9,20,No. Nothing happened.
68763,204,9,20,Captain's honor.
68764,204,9,20,"Well, you can ask my fiancée."
68765,204,9,20,Fiancée? What-what fiancée?
68766,204,9,20,Captain.
68767,204,9,20,Permission to clear things up? Granted.
68768,204,9,20,Me.
68769,204,9,20,We're engaged.
68770,204,9,20,"It's ""boats, boats, boats""!"
68771,204,9,20,"Ted, look! Uh, yeah."
68772,204,9,20,"I mean, yeah, I know her from that commercial."
68773,204,9,20,"Boats, boats, boats!"
68774,204,9,20,And only from that commercial.
68775,204,9,20,"No, you banged her."
68776,204,9,20,Remember?
68777,204,9,20,"Like, a bunch of times."
68778,204,9,20,"You knocked ""boots, boots, boots"""""
68779,204,9,20,"MARSHALL: All right, Captain. What the hell happened here last night?"
68780,204,9,20,"Well, it was just after four bells."
68781,204,9,20,(phone ringing)
68782,204,9,20,Ahoy!
68783,204,9,20,"(choked up): Hi, I-I know it's late, but I've got to get out of here."
68784,204,9,20,CAPTAIN: So I sent the car. When she got here...
68785,204,9,20,"Lily, what a lovely..."
68786,204,9,20,Can I use your powder room?
68787,204,9,20,And then she went to the powder room.
68788,204,9,20,"She was in there quite a while, actually."
68789,204,9,20,Probably a deuce. Go on.
68790,204,9,20,"CAPTAIN: And when she came out, she had to leave right away."
68791,204,9,20,It was odd.
68792,204,9,20,"But I assure you, nothing inappropriate happened between me and your wife."
68793,204,9,20,"Captain, I understand what you're saying, but what you don't understand is that Lily is my wife, and I love her way too much to behave rationally right now!"
68794,204,9,20,En garde!
68795,204,9,20,This is the best day of my life.
68796,204,9,20,"Oh, darling, come on, no, no."
68797,204,9,20,You're not marrying your father.
68798,204,9,20,"I mean, your father..."
68799,204,9,20,"I mean, let's just put it this way."
68800,204,9,20,Your father was a sociopath.
68801,204,9,20,He slept with over 20 women.
68802,204,9,20,"And sure, you know, we were friends for years first and it was entertaining watching him lie to those poor girls to get inside their snow pants, but I should have known back then this was not husband material."
68803,204,9,20,"I mean, even your Uncle Jim, you know, his gay black brother..."
68804,204,9,20,Will you shut up!
68805,204,9,20,
68806,204,9,20,Go for Barney!
68807,204,9,20,Your bride is freaking the crap out right now.
68808,204,9,20,Where the hell are you?
68809,204,9,20,"I warn you, Captain, I've pretended to have a duel with actual swords twice."
68810,204,9,20,"I warn you, Marshall, I was on the Olympic fencing team."
68811,204,9,20,Won three gold medals.
68812,204,9,20,"I warn you, Captain, I'm starting to feel like this was a mistake."
68813,204,9,20,I think I'd better not say where I am.
68814,204,9,20,I am not kidding around here!
68815,204,9,20,Tell me where you are!
68816,204,9,20,(sighs)
68817,204,9,20,We're at the Captain's house.
68818,204,9,20,What is it? What's wrong?
68819,204,9,20,I am so busted.
68820,204,9,20,"Thank you, Linus."
68821,204,9,20,You have another piece of gum?
68822,204,9,20,LILY: I can keep a secret.
68823,204,9,20,I can keep a secret real good.
68824,204,9,20,Are you chewing gum?
68825,204,9,20,"I can keep a secret like nobody's business, 'cause it is nobody's business."
68826,204,9,20,You never chew gum.
68827,204,9,20,You shouldn't chew gum in here.
68828,204,9,20,"'Cause it's a secret, and I'm keeping it!"
68829,204,9,20,Wait!
68830,204,9,20,Stop the duel!
68831,204,9,20,"Oh, thank God."
68832,204,9,20,"I mean, why?"
68833,204,9,20,TED: Why?
68834,204,9,20,"Because I just solved the mystery, that's why."
68835,204,9,20,Mosby Boys!
68836,204,9,20,We agreed you wouldn't do that anymore.
68837,204,9,20,Mystery? What mystery?
68838,204,9,20,Lily has a secret.
68839,204,9,20,"She's hiding something, and I know what it is."
68840,204,9,20,"Okay, what is she hiding?"
68841,204,9,20,I'll tell you in a minute.
68842,204,9,20,I want to enjoy the suspense a little bit first.
68843,204,9,20,Ooh.
68844,204,9,20,"Oh, my God, will you just tell us!"
68845,204,9,20,Very well.
68846,204,9,20,"Now, we can all agree that this is the first time I've ever set foot in this house, correct?"
68847,204,9,20,"Oh, this is going to be unbearable."
68848,204,9,20,"Now, Captain, your powder room... does it face out on the ocean?"
68849,204,9,20,"Of course, right over the cliff."
68850,204,9,20,Just as I suspected.
68851,204,9,20,"And if I were to walk into this powder room right now, I believe I'd see a potted plant of some sort."
68852,204,9,20,Is that correct?
68853,204,9,20,Yes. There's a daisy.
68854,204,9,20,A daisy. Interesting.
68855,204,9,20,"Uh, not traditionally an indoor plant, but I suppose it gets plenty of light with the southern exposure."
68856,204,9,20,"That's right, it does."
68857,204,9,20,Will you please fetch the daisy?
68858,204,9,20,Aye-aye.
68859,204,9,20,I totally solved it.
68860,204,9,20,You didn't solve it.
68861,204,9,20,You didn't solve it.
68862,204,9,20,You didn't solve it.
68863,204,9,20,You didn't solve it.
68864,204,9,20,"Did you solve...? No, you didn't solve it."
68865,204,9,20,I solved it!
68866,204,9,20,Ah.
68867,204,9,20,"Thank you, Captain."
68868,204,9,20,Now... a simple question.
68869,204,9,20,"When Lily and Marshall are apart for an extended period of time, what is the one thing Lily always does?"
68870,204,9,20,Cry?
68871,204,9,20,Masturbate?
68872,204,9,20,Karate?
68873,204,9,20,Go sailing?
68874,204,9,20,No.
68875,204,9,20,"When Lily and Marshall are apart for a long period of time, Lily... always..."
68876,204,9,20,...starts smoking again.
68877,204,9,20,"That's true, she does."
68878,204,9,20,Happened when she went to Paris in college.
68879,204,9,20,"It happened when she moved to San Francisco, and last week, it happened again."
68880,204,9,20,"From the moment Marshall left for Minnesota, Lily's been secretly puffing down the ciggies like a 46-year-old grandma at a Reno slot machine."
68881,204,9,20,"Problem was, come Friday morning, she knew she'd have to quit again,cold turkey."
68882,204,9,20,And it wouldn't be easy.
68883,204,9,20,"She tried to make it a whole car ride without a fix, but couldn't."
68884,204,9,20,"So, she pretended to be annoyed by perfectly reasonable things, like my stylish driving gloves and my appreciation of the historic van Otterloop manse."
68885,204,9,20,All so she could have one last smoke on the train.
68886,204,9,20,"But afterwards, her breath told the tale."
68887,204,9,20,"And that's why, when she got to the hotel, Lily... was chewing... gum."
68888,204,9,20,Lily never chews gum.
68889,204,9,20,What? Never?
68890,204,9,20,"Well, hardly ever."
68891,204,9,20,"Great job, Ted."
68892,204,9,20,That's some pretty solid evidence. Gum.
68893,204,9,20,"(laughing): Oh, Barney, my dear boy."
68894,204,9,20,I'm just getting started.
68895,204,9,20,Getting started?
68896,204,9,20,TED: Lily knew that cigarette was probably her last for a while.
68897,204,9,20,"She needed something to keep her nerves calm, so she headed to the bar."
68898,204,9,20,"Anytime you see me without a drink in my hand, you put a drink in my hand."
68899,204,9,20,"Are you my guy, Linus?"
68900,204,9,20,TED: What followed was a long day and a half for Lily.
68901,204,9,20,A really long day and a half.
68902,204,9,20,"Oh, it's kind of insane how much happened in just a day and a half."
68903,204,9,20,"Anyway, Marshall returned, they had a big fight, Lily stormed out."
68904,204,9,20,"And that's when she realized, if she was gonna sneak one this weekend, this was her chance."
68905,204,9,20,"And after that fight, boy, did she need one."
68906,204,9,20,Only problem: she was all out.
68907,204,9,20,"Now, it's 3:00 a.m., you need a cigarette, and the only place that's open is an EZ Pick that's five miles down the road."
68908,204,9,20,You have no car.
68909,204,9,20,What do you do? Go.
68910,204,9,20,Dirt-bike it.
68911,204,9,20,I can walk that far.
68912,204,9,20,Masturbate.
68913,204,9,20,Take a boat.
68914,204,9,20,What? A boat? No.
68915,204,9,20,"Dude, she got a ride in your car, remember?"
68916,204,9,20,(phone ringing)
68917,204,9,20,Ahoy.
68918,204,9,20,"Hi. I-I know it's late, but I've got to get out of here."
68919,204,9,20,I want to make one stop first.
68920,204,9,20,"TED: The problem was, Lily didn't want to smoke in front of her new employer."
68921,204,9,20,"So, when she arrived at the Captain's house, there was only one possible course of action."
68922,204,9,20,Can I use your powder room?
68923,204,9,20,"TED: Now, you're Lily."
68924,204,9,20,You've just had a cigarette in your boss's powder room.
68925,204,9,20,What do you do with the cigarette butt?
68926,204,9,20,Throw it out the window? Flush it?
68927,204,9,20,"No, she-she wouldn't do either of those things."
68928,204,9,20,She's an environmentalist.
68929,204,9,20,Stick it in your purse?
68930,204,9,20,Marshall could find it there.
68931,204,9,20,Throw it in the trash can.
68932,204,9,20,The Captain would find it there.
68933,204,9,20,Hide it in a boat.
68934,204,9,20,A boat? Wait. How would that...
68935,204,9,20,I don't know.
68936,204,9,20,I just... I like boats.
68937,204,9,20,No.
68938,204,9,20,There's only one place that she would put it.
68939,204,9,20,"A place where, eventually, it would decompose and serve as a natural mulch."
68940,204,9,20,It's in the daisy.
68941,204,9,20,"And sure enough, if I dig around..."
68942,204,9,20,I am all but guaranteed to find...
68943,204,9,20,A pregnancy test.
68944,204,9,20,You could smoke those?
68945,204,9,20,(vomiting)
68946,204,9,20,(panting)
68947,204,9,20,"Oh, no."
68948,204,9,20,"So, you want the Kennedy package?"
68949,204,9,20,Bingo.
68950,204,9,20,One other little thing.
68951,204,9,20,"When you do put a drink in my hand, let's make it non-alcoholic."
68952,204,9,20,There's a chance I might be pregnant.
68953,204,9,20,"Okay, Linus, don't start popping the sparkling cider just yet."
68954,204,9,20,I'm just being cautious.
68955,204,9,20,I'll take a test when I get home.
68956,204,9,20,It can wait.
68957,204,9,20,Are Marvin and I and any other future children we may have just some consolation prize?
68958,204,9,20,I have to get out of here.
68959,204,9,20,♪
68960,204,9,20,(sighs)
68961,204,9,20,It can't wait.
68962,204,9,20,♪
68963,204,9,20,"Lily, what a lovely..."
68964,204,9,20,Can I use your powder room?
68965,204,9,20,♪
68966,204,9,20,Two minutes. Here we go.
68967,204,9,20,♪
68968,204,9,20,"Guys, we need to go back to the hotel."
68969,204,9,20,"Lily peed on that, and you touched it."
68970,204,9,20,Lily?
68971,204,9,20,We're gonna have a baby?
68972,204,9,20,I told you guys I could keep a secret.
68973,204,9,20,"Uh, uh, Barney, this-this is my mom."
68974,204,9,20,Hi. Hello.
68975,204,9,20,Oh.
68976,204,9,20,"Oh, he's a hugger."
68977,204,9,20,Nothing like your dad.
68978,204,9,20,(laughs)
68979,204,9,20,I'm sorry. I-I was gonna tell you tonight.
68980,204,9,20,"No. Oh, my God, no. It's fine."
68981,204,9,20,There's just... there's so much we have to do.
68982,204,9,20,"You know, we have to, um... we have to do research on... uh, hospitals in Italy, and we have to, uh..."
68983,204,9,20,We're not going to Italy.
68984,204,9,20,Of course we are.
68985,204,9,20,"Lily, we have to do this."
68986,204,9,20,"You're gonna live in Rome, and you're gonna get your dream, because... because you're giving me mine."
68987,204,9,20,Again.
68988,204,9,20,"But there's gonna be all sorts of paperwork, and-and if she's born outside of the U.S., she could never become president."
68989,204,9,20,It's a girl?
68990,204,9,20,"Oh. I don't know, but... in my mind, I kind of think she is."
68991,204,9,20,Oh.
68992,204,9,20,I love you so much.
68993,204,9,20,Mmm.
68994,204,9,20,We're gonna give you some privacy.
68995,204,9,20,It's my room. Why do I have to...?
68996,204,9,20,Just... come on.
68997,204,9,20,"I thought this was an exit. No, balcony."
68998,204,9,20,Ah. Oh.
68999,204,9,20,"Well, we'll just give them a few minutes, and then..."
69000,204,9,20,Mm-hmm.
69001,204,9,20,...we'll go back in and...
69002,204,9,20,Oh.
69003,204,9,20,"Oh, they are both naked."
69004,204,9,20,"Yeah, they work fast."
69005,204,9,20,Yes. (sighs)
69006,204,9,20,"Oh, darling."
69007,204,9,20,"Oh, you're going to be fine."
69008,204,9,20,"You know, for every marriage in the world like I had with your dad, you know, there's... there's a marriage like those two in there."
69009,204,9,20,"And, oh, marriage is..."
69010,204,9,20,"Oh, it's terrifying."
69011,204,9,20,It's-it's like flying.
69012,204,9,20,"You know, you're-you're filled with this mortal dread, but if you find someone you feel safe with, it's like flying!"
69013,204,9,20,"But if you got someone that you feel is really there for you, someone you can depend on, you're gonna be fine."
69014,205,9,21,TED: Hi.
69015,205,9,21,Hi.
69016,205,9,21,Okay.
69017,205,9,21,(chuckles)
69018,205,9,21,So I thought we'd... try this new restaurant.
69019,205,9,21,It's right around the corner from here.
69020,205,9,21,It's Scottish-Mexican fusion.
69021,205,9,21,Scottish-Mexican fusion?
69022,205,9,21,Scottish-Mexican fusion.
69023,205,9,21,That would seem like two things that do not fuse.
69024,205,9,21,Perhaps you'll change your mind when you try their signature haggis enchiladas.
69025,205,9,21,(laughs) Okay.
69026,205,9,21,(chuckles)
69027,205,9,21,"All right. Yeah, come on. Lead the way."
69028,205,9,21,I was surprised when you called.
69029,205,9,21,Isn't there some universal guy rule where you have to wait four days to call a girl?
69030,205,9,21,That... does not ring a bell.
69031,205,9,21,And it's three days.
69032,205,9,21,(laughs)
69033,205,9,21,Here we are.
69034,205,9,21,(bagpipes and trumpets playing mariachi music)
69035,205,9,21,"Uh, I did not realize there would be live music."
69036,205,9,21,"So, uh, should we..."
69037,205,9,21,Eat anywhere but here?
69038,205,9,21,(laughs): Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
69039,205,9,21,"Besides, I'm sure we can find a place where we don't need reservations."
69040,205,9,21,"Oh, you think it's just that easy?"
69041,205,9,21,Just stroll in off the street and get a meal?
69042,205,9,21,"Well, let me tell you the tale of Gary Blauman."
69043,205,9,21,There's the blushing bride!
69044,205,9,21,Oh!
69045,205,9,21,Gary Blauman!
69046,205,9,21,How are you?!
69047,205,9,21,"Uh, duh, like I need to ask."
69048,205,9,21,You're getting married.
69049,205,9,21,"Well, don't let me keep you. You have things to do."
69050,205,9,21,I will see you walking down the aisle.
69051,205,9,21,I'll be the guy in the eighth row going like this.
69052,205,9,21,(laughs) Right?! Right.
69053,205,9,21,Good luck today! Thank you.
69054,205,9,21,Okay.
69055,205,9,21,(chuckles)
69056,205,9,21,"Hey, there's the blushing bride..."
69057,205,9,21,Code red!
69058,205,9,21,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x21 ♪
69059,205,9,21,Gary Blauman
69060,205,9,21,"Original Air Date on March 17, 2014"
69061,205,9,21,"Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! Why the code red?"
69062,205,9,21,"I mean, if it's... if it's about your hair, I didn't even notice; especially not from the back."
69063,205,9,21,What? Nothing.
69064,205,9,21,"Gary Blauman is here, and I had no idea he was coming."
69065,205,9,21,His reply card must've gotten lost in the mail.
69066,205,9,21,"I mean, where's he gonna sit?"
69067,205,9,21,It took us weeks to plan the seating chart!
69068,205,9,21,Robin.
69069,205,9,21,Shh.
69070,205,9,21,I got you. Huh?
69071,205,9,21,You're talking to the seating chart master.
69072,205,9,21,"At my own wedding, I managed to sit small-town Minnesotans right next to liberal New Yorkers with grace and aplomb."
69073,205,9,21,Table 27 still gets together once a year for a reunion.
69074,205,9,21,Perhaps you've seen their photos on Facebook.
69075,205,9,21,Like I said...
69076,205,9,21,(whispers): I got you.
69077,205,9,21,"Thanks, Marshall."
69078,205,9,21,(door closes)
69079,205,9,21,Code red!
69080,205,9,21,"Grandma's sitting next to the band, divorced couple sitting one table away from each other, no coherent singles table."
69081,205,9,21,This is the Robin's hair of seating charts.
69082,205,9,21,Singles tables are cruel.
69083,205,9,21,"I mean, what if you went to a wedding and there was a table of all fat guys?"
69084,205,9,21,"That would be awesome. You're right, it would."
69085,205,9,21,"Let's crack this Gary Blauman nut first, and then we'll work on the fat guy table."
69086,205,9,21,"Wait, did you say Gary Blauman?"
69087,205,9,21,Yeah. Why?
69088,205,9,21,I... hate... that guy.
69089,205,9,21,Why?
69090,205,9,21,Remember a few years ago when I read that biography of Teddy Roosevelt?
69091,205,9,21,"For weeks after I read it, I only wanted to talk about one thing."
69092,205,9,21,Teddy Roosevelt was the coolest guy ever!
69093,205,9,21,(others grumbling)
69094,205,9,21,"Oh, that's it! No more books, Ted."
69095,205,9,21,I don't like the person you become when you read books.
69096,205,9,21,Here's the deal: you get to tell us one more interesting fact about Teddy Roosevelt.
69097,205,9,21,"One more, and then you're done forever."
69098,205,9,21,So make it a good one.
69099,205,9,21,Okay.
69100,205,9,21,He went blind in one eye... from getting hit too hard in a boxing match...
69101,205,9,21,...while he was president!
69102,205,9,21,That's a pretty good one. Wow.
69103,205,9,21,That is kind of...
69104,205,9,21,"Right?! Oh, and when he was at Harvard..."
69105,205,9,21,"No! No! Shut up! Oh, my God! Please!"
69106,205,9,21,"TED: Well, one night, we were throwing a party to celebrate... something--"
69107,205,9,21,I-I can't remember what... when a pretty girl I had never met noticed the book on the coffee table.
69108,205,9,21,I can't believe you have this book.
69109,205,9,21,I just finished reading it.
69110,205,9,21,Teddy Roosevelt was the coolest guy ever.
69111,205,9,21,A unicorn.
69112,205,9,21,I couldn't believe it.
69113,205,9,21,It was a stroke of luck on par
69114,205,9,21,with the 50-page manuscript in Roosevelt's breast pocket that helped slow that would-be assassin's bullet.
69115,205,9,21,"Dude, come on."
69116,205,9,21,Sorry. Anyway... enter Gary Blauman.
69117,205,9,21,Is that the Teddy Roosevelt biography?
69118,205,9,21,Coolest guy ever.
69119,205,9,21,Right? Right?
69120,205,9,21,Right? Right?
69121,205,9,21,Right? Right? Right?
69122,205,9,21,So the three of us started talking Teddy Roosevelt.
69123,205,9,21,When he took that four-minute flight on the Wright brother's plane?
69124,205,9,21,So cool.
69125,205,9,21,The time he climbed the tallest mountain in Europe on his honeymoon.
69126,205,9,21,So cool.
69127,205,9,21,"And that's when I realized, Blauman and I were locked in a battle of wills that made T.R.'s charge up San Juan Hill look like a walk in the park."
69128,205,9,21,"Or should I say, in the national park, since it was Roosevelt who spearheaded the establishment..."
69129,205,9,21,"Dude, come on. I gave you one."
69130,205,9,21,The battle raged on.
69131,205,9,21,"In a way, he was..."
69132,205,9,21,ALL: ...the archetype of the modern politician!
69133,205,9,21,(all laugh)
69134,205,9,21,"TED: Dude, knock it off."
69135,205,9,21,"GARY: Knock what off, bro?"
69136,205,9,21,"This is my apartment, my Teddy Roosevelt conversation, I get the girl."
69137,205,9,21,"Oh, so the fact that you're the incumbent means she should just pick you?"
69138,205,9,21,Tell that to William Howard Taft.
69139,205,9,21,You're calling me Taft?
69140,205,9,21,"If anyone's Taft, you're Taft!"
69141,205,9,21,I'm not Taft! I'm Teddy!
69142,205,9,21,The hell you are. My name is Ted!
69143,205,9,21,"Yeah, right. Go sign the Payne-Aldrich Tariff Act, Taft!"
69144,205,9,21,(gasps)How dare you?
69145,205,9,21,Skinny-dipping in the Potomac River.
69146,205,9,21,(all laugh)
69147,205,9,21,"TED: And so the standoff continued, hours passed... then days."
69148,205,9,21,Days passed? Days passed.
69149,205,9,21,"Finally, a T.R. stricken by tropical fever on his Amazon trek, we could go no further."
69150,205,9,21,When he was Assistant Secretary of the Navy...
69151,205,9,21,Will you just pick one of us already so I can either have s*x or go to sleep!
69152,205,9,21,"Smooth, bro."
69153,205,9,21,"After that day, I have never liked that guy."
69154,205,9,21,"So let's just tell Robin this can't be done, and send Gary Blauman packing."
69155,205,9,21,LILY: Did you just say Gary Blauman?
69156,205,9,21,Yeah.
69157,205,9,21,I... love that guy!
69158,205,9,21,What?! He's the devil!
69159,205,9,21,He's an angel.
69160,205,9,21,"It was 2006, Marshall and I had broken up, and I was back in New York feeling vulnerable and listening to my breakup song over and over."
69161,205,9,21,"Sugar Ray's ""Fly."" You know it."
69162,205,9,21,"Man, you know nothing about breakups."
69163,205,9,21,I really don't.
69164,205,9,21,"Anyway, then I hit bottom."
69165,205,9,21,There's a bottom below Sugar Ray?
69166,205,9,21,Mm.
69167,205,9,21,What?!
69168,205,9,21,Why have I never seen that before?
69169,205,9,21,I've been using cover-up and strategically placed straps for a long time to keep this puppy quiet.
69170,205,9,21,After all the times you guys made fun of me for my breakup butterfly tattoo?
69171,205,9,21,(Lily and Marshall snicker)
69172,205,9,21,"Oh, the fact that Ted got a butterfly tattoo, will you ever stop being hilarious?"
69173,205,9,21,So why is it only half a butterfly?
69174,205,9,21,"Because Gary Blauman saw me in the tattoo parlor, dragged me out and talked some sense into me."
69175,205,9,21,"Lily, trust me, you and Marshall are going to get back together."
69176,205,9,21,"And when you do, you will be so glad you did not get the other half of that butterfly."
69177,205,9,21,"Actually, I was gonna get a little more than the butterfly."
69178,205,9,21,It's good that I ran into you.
69179,205,9,21,"Marshall, Blauman saved you from a lifetime of looking at Sugar Ray every time we do it on your birthday."
69180,205,9,21,Find him a nice seat.
69181,205,9,21,"No, no, do not find him a seat."
69182,205,9,21,"I'm telling you, this guy... You find him a nice..."
69183,205,9,21,"Neither of us was gonna back down, so finally we decided to take it to the groom."
69184,205,9,21,(gasps)
69185,205,9,21,Wh-What's going on? Shh!
69186,205,9,21,Wha...?
69187,205,9,21,Who's that guy?
69188,205,9,21,It's my ex-boyfriend.
69189,205,9,21,"So, we're crouching behind a van, hiding from your ex-boyfriend."
69190,205,9,21,"Forgive me, I'm a little bit of a detective."
69191,205,9,21,It was a bad breakup?
69192,205,9,21,Pretty bad.
69193,205,9,21,Bad like there was a big fight?
69194,205,9,21,Bad like there was a big ring.
69195,205,9,21,Bad like this happened in the past year?
69196,205,9,21,Bad like it happened Saturday.
69197,205,9,21,So bad.
69198,205,9,21,Yeah.
69199,205,9,21,"Okay, he's gone."
69200,205,9,21,"I'm so sorry, Ted."
69201,205,9,21,"I really like you, but I'm-I'm in the weirdest place on Earth right now."
69202,205,9,21,You're in a Scottish-Mexican restaurant?
69203,205,9,21,(laughs)
69204,205,9,21,Yup.
69205,205,9,21,"Yeah, I am."
69206,205,9,21,It's just too soon for me to be dating.
69207,205,9,21,I think I should head home.
69208,205,9,21,"Well, want me to walk with you?"
69209,205,9,21,Lots of scary ex-boyfriends in this neighborhood.
69210,205,9,21,Sure.
69211,205,9,21,I do want to hear the rest of that story.
69212,205,9,21,"Right, right the story."
69213,205,9,21,Yeah.
69214,205,9,21,"So, we decided to take it to the groom."
69215,205,9,21,Did you say Gary Blauman?
69216,205,9,21,Yeah.
69217,205,9,21,Gary Blauman?
69218,205,9,21,Yes.
69219,205,9,21,"Blauman... comma, Gary?"
69220,205,9,21,"Point, comma, get to the damn."
69221,205,9,21,I... love... that we have the opportunity to destroy Gary Blauman's weekend by kicking him out of the wedding!
69222,205,9,21,Yes! Gary Blauman Haters' Club right here!
69223,205,9,21,What that guy did to me.
69224,205,9,21,Oh... God!
69225,205,9,21,It makes me furious to this day!
69226,205,9,21,"Okay, okay, I'm gonna try and tell this story without completely losing it."
69227,205,9,21,"Ready? Okay, here goes."
69228,205,9,21,I was at the... (growls)
69229,205,9,21,(growls)
69230,205,9,21,"Nope, not gonna happen. Give me a second."
69231,205,9,21,Ooh! Ooh!
69232,205,9,21,I was at the bar.
69233,205,9,21,"Hey, Barney!"
69234,205,9,21,"What's up, Blauman? Have a seat."
69235,205,9,21,"Oh, thanks."
69236,205,9,21,Your fries. Need anything?
69237,205,9,21,"I'm good, thanks."
69238,205,9,21,"Oh, but he was not good, thanks."
69239,205,9,21,"He was not good, thanks, at all!"
69240,205,9,21,"Oh, what? Did he take one of your fries?"
69241,205,9,21,Take one?
69242,205,9,21,Take one?
69243,205,9,21,"Lily, it would have been one thing if he took one of my fries; that would have been one thing."
69244,205,9,21,"No, Lily, that day, Blauman took..."
69245,205,9,21,...four of my fries!
69246,205,9,21,But that's not even the capper!
69247,205,9,21,Here's the part that still keeps me up at night: the fourth fry he took...
69248,205,9,21,(yells): the fourth fry he took...
69249,205,9,21,(grunting)
69250,205,9,21,"Buddy, you oka... you okay?"
69251,205,9,21,(grunting)
69252,205,9,21,The fourth fry he took...
69253,205,9,21,...was an accidental curly.
69254,205,9,21,(both gasp)
69255,205,9,21,You don't take a man's accidental curly.
69256,205,9,21,MARSHALL: You take a man's wife before you take his accidental curly.
69257,205,9,21,"LILY: If you wanted curly fries so bad, why not just order them in the first place?"
69258,205,9,21,(laughs)
69259,205,9,21,"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
69260,205,9,21,'Cause that's what you want.
69261,205,9,21,All curly fries.
69262,205,9,21,(laughs)
69263,205,9,21,Regular cut with a few accidental curlies.
69264,205,9,21,That's what you want.
69265,205,9,21,That's the dream. He's right.
69266,205,9,21,That is the dream. No!
69267,205,9,21,"I refuse to look down from the altar as I say my vows to the woman of my dreams, and see that damned, stupid, accidental-curly-fry-stealing Gary Blauman!"
69268,205,9,21,Did you say Gary Blauman?
69269,205,9,21,I... hate... to disagree with Barney.
69270,205,9,21,But I love that guy!
69271,205,9,21,I just met him earlier today.
69272,205,9,21,"Oh, my gosh!"
69273,205,9,21,It's you.
69274,205,9,21,Yeah.
69275,205,9,21,You're the poet William Zabka.
69276,205,9,21,Nobody ever recognizes me for my poetry.
69277,205,9,21,He has all six of my collections.
69278,205,9,21,"When Terry Gross interviewed me on Fresh Air, he listened live."
69279,205,9,21,Gary Blauman rules!
69280,205,9,21,Gary Blauman?
69281,205,9,21,I... hate...
69282,205,9,21,...that I once thought I loved Gary Blauman.
69283,205,9,21,"Ooh, this sounds good."
69284,205,9,21,Gary's the guy that I had an affair with.
69285,205,9,21,"Tom found out, threw me out of the house."
69286,205,9,21,Now the kids are from a broken home.
69287,205,9,21,"Because of Gary Blauman, everything that matters to me is gone."
69288,205,9,21,I got that beat.
69289,205,9,21,"So, I was ordering these fries..."
69290,205,9,21,"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait."
69291,205,9,21,Blauman's gay?
69292,205,9,21,"Well... then that means that night, the real battle was between Blauman and the girl."
69293,205,9,21,And the prize... was this guy.
69294,205,9,21,(all groaning)
69295,205,9,21,"Keep telling yourself that, buddy."
69296,205,9,21,I don't want to see Gary Blauman at my brother's wedding.
69297,205,9,21,Neither do I!
69298,205,9,21,"I'm the brother in question! Now, now, hold on."
69299,205,9,21,(all arguing)
69300,205,9,21,Order! Order!
69301,205,9,21,"Robin put this on my plate, and so I'll make the decision."
69302,205,9,21,"Now, let's take a short recess."
69303,205,9,21,Everybody out.
69304,205,9,21,Okay.
69305,205,9,21,"Lily, out of court settlement."
69306,205,9,21,"Drop this whole thing, and I'll give you ten bucks."
69307,205,9,21,No.
69308,205,9,21,I can't go higher than ten.
69309,205,9,21,(clears throat)
69310,205,9,21,I'm ready to give my decision.
69311,205,9,21,This was a tough one.
69312,205,9,21,Lot of good points on both sides.
69313,205,9,21,But ultimately... Blauman stays.
69314,205,9,21,Yeah. What in the...?
69315,205,9,21,For one simple reason.
69316,205,9,21,There is a higher law at every wedding.
69317,205,9,21,A law that trumps all other arguments.
69318,205,9,21,"When the bride asks for something, she gets it."
69319,205,9,21,Yes.
69320,205,9,21,Wow. ZABKA: Good point.
69321,205,9,21,He's right.
69322,205,9,21,This fake court thing is adjourned.
69323,205,9,21,Judged.
69324,205,9,21,"Well, I guess let's go find Blauman and tell him the good news."
69325,205,9,21,"Yeah, about that. Bit of a wrinkle."
69326,205,9,21,"I was just in the hallway, ran into Blauman."
69327,205,9,21,"I told him if he didn't leave immediately, then Billy Zabka was gonna crane-kick him in the face."
69328,205,9,21,What?!
69329,205,9,21,But that's not even my move!
69330,205,9,21,I...
69331,205,9,21,We have to stop him.
69332,205,9,21,Barney! I... (sighs)
69333,205,9,21,"Come on, come on, come on."
69334,205,9,21,"So, we all run out to the parking lot to stop Gary Blauman from leaving the wedding..."
69335,205,9,21,What are you doing?
69336,205,9,21,This is my place.
69337,205,9,21,Oh.
69338,205,9,21,"So, uh... well, I guess this... this is where I leave you."
69339,205,9,21,This is your place.
69340,205,9,21,Yup.
69341,205,9,21,You sure it's not a few blocks that way?
69342,205,9,21,"Nope, it's right here."
69343,205,9,21,It's right where you picked me up.
69344,205,9,21,So it is.
69345,205,9,21,Well... good night.
69346,205,9,21,Good night.
69347,205,9,21,
69348,205,9,21,"NARRATOR: Eight years earlier, I probably would've given some embarrassing speech, confessed my love and scared her off."
69349,205,9,21,But I didn't.
69350,205,9,21,Because somehow I just knew this was all gonna work out.
69351,205,9,21,"Ted? Oh, thank God."
69352,205,9,21,Do you at least want to finish your story?
69353,205,9,21,Right.
69354,205,9,21,"So, we all ran out to the parking lot, and..."
69355,205,9,21,"Blauman, Blauman, I'm sorry."
69356,205,9,21,You can stay. Billy won't kick you in the face.
69357,205,9,21,It's not even my move.
69358,205,9,21,"If I was gonna do anything, I'd sweep the leg, and put you in a body bag; everyone knows that."
69359,205,9,21,What...? Is that from one of your poems?
69360,205,9,21,Thank you for that.
69361,205,9,21,"Please stick around, for the bride."
69362,205,9,21,"You're not a Taft. Even if you are, Roosevelt shouldn't have divided the party like that."
69363,205,9,21,"I mean, he handed the election to Wilson."
69364,205,9,21,"Completely, right? Right? Right?"
69365,205,9,21,(laughs)
69366,205,9,21,"No, wait! No! All right?"
69367,205,9,21,Forget it!
69368,205,9,21,"And, James, I'm sorry about you and Tom."
69369,205,9,21,But you have to stop blaming me for your own decisions.
69370,205,9,21,"Well, guys, take a good look."
69371,205,9,21,This face you won't be seeing again.
69372,205,9,21,Come...
69373,205,9,21,The bri... the bri...
69374,205,9,21,Gary?
69375,205,9,21,He's really leaving.
69376,205,9,21,"Hey, Barney."
69377,205,9,21,"You still, uh, have my wedding ring?"
69378,205,9,21,(quietly): Yeah.
69379,205,9,21,I've got some work to do.
69380,205,9,21,Excuse me.
69381,205,9,21,Blauman will cool off eventually.
69382,205,9,21,We'll see him again.
69383,205,9,21,Of course we will.
69384,205,9,21,MARSHALL: I don't know.
69385,205,9,21,"I mean, we might really never see him again."
69386,205,9,21,"Because I remember at our wedding looking out and thinking, ""Man, everyone here means so much to me."""
69387,205,9,21,"A bunch of those people, you know, I haven't seen them since."
69388,205,9,21,"NARRATOR: And that's how it goes, kids."
69389,205,9,21,"The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies and partners in crime you love so much when you're young, as the years go by, you just lose touch."
69390,205,9,21,"That being said, I did manage to keep track of a few people."
69391,205,9,21,Carl's still behind the bar at MacLaren's.
69392,205,9,21,"Hey, watch it over there."
69393,205,9,21,"Yeah, watch it over there!"
69394,205,9,21,It's become a family business.
69395,205,9,21,Jeanette was arrested for mailing jars of urine to Val Kilmer.
69396,205,9,21,"No, not that Val Kilmer."
69397,205,9,21,"She narrowly avoided prison time, but did receive mandatory psychological counseling."
69398,205,9,21,"Hello, handsome."
69399,205,9,21,"I should say up front, I'm not allowed to date my..."
69400,205,9,21,"Oh, what the hell."
69401,205,9,21,She and Kevin live in Poughkeepsie now.
69402,205,9,21,"Ranjit made a couple really good stock picks, and, well, he owns the limo service now."
69403,205,9,21,"Bitterman, get the car."
69404,205,9,21,"Getting the car, sir."
69405,205,9,21,Patrice has her own drive-time radio show.
69406,205,9,21,"People call in, she gives advice."
69407,205,9,21,"ROBIN (over phone): Because sometimes I just feel like he never listens to me, you know?"
69408,205,9,21,"Gosh, caller, that's a real pickle."
69409,205,9,21,"You know, my grandma always says..."
69410,205,9,21,"ROBIN: Damn it, Patrice, I'm not finished!"
69411,205,9,21,"Sorry, sorry, go on."
69412,205,9,21,William Zabka became the youngest poet ever to win the American Humanities
69413,205,9,21,Medal for Literature.
69414,205,9,21,He's currently working on a collection of travel essays.
69415,205,9,21,Hyah!
69416,205,9,21,Zoey pops up in the news every now and then supporting some cause or another.
69417,205,9,21,It doesn't always go well for her.
69418,205,9,21,The hawk is a majestic creature!
69419,205,9,21,She means you no har...
69420,205,9,21,(hawk screeching)
69421,205,9,21,"Aah, no! I'm your friend! I'm helping you!"
69422,205,9,21,"Still, it's nice knowing she's out there fighting the good fight."
69423,205,9,21,Scooter's been married for a while.
69424,205,9,21,"Apparently, he met a girl at work, and it was love at first sight."
69425,205,9,21,I guess something about her helped him get over Lily.
69426,205,9,21,"You look beautiful today, Jasmine."
69427,205,9,21,Like every day.
69428,205,9,21,Move. I serve sloppy joe now.
69429,205,9,21,Blitz struggled with a gambling
69430,205,9,21,addiction for a while.
69431,205,9,21,"But after a three-day bender on the same slot machine, he finally kicked it."
69432,205,9,21,I got to get help.
69433,205,9,21,Yes!
69434,205,9,21,(whoops)
69435,205,9,21,"Aw, man!"
69436,205,9,21,I'm not sure what happened to Blah Blah.
69437,205,9,21,"But I'd like to think that wherever she is, she..."
69438,205,9,21,Carol! Her name was Carol!
69439,205,9,21,Thank you.
69440,205,9,21,"Sandy Rivers' inappropriate office behavior finally caught up with him, ending his news career... in America."
69441,205,9,21,(speaking Russian)
69442,205,9,21,He hasn't changed.
69443,205,9,21,"It took some doing, but James finally convinced Tom to take him back."
69444,205,9,21,And nobody's happier about it than their kids.
69445,205,9,21,"Hey, kids, have I ever told you how I met your father?"
69446,205,9,21,It was at a party.
69447,205,9,21,And as for Blauman...
69448,205,9,21,"Guys, wait!"
69449,205,9,21,(car door closes)
69450,205,9,21,I'm sorry for storming off like that.
69451,205,9,21,I don't want to miss this wedding.
69452,205,9,21,"You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever."
69453,205,9,21,"That's why when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it."
69454,205,9,21,"So, I guess... good night."
69455,205,9,21,Good night.
69456,205,9,21,Unless... do you want to walk around some more?
69457,205,9,21,It's still early.
69458,205,9,21,Sure.
69459,205,9,21,What are you doing?
69460,205,9,21,Remembering this.
69461,206,9,22,"NARRATOR: Kids, it's not always rational, but people on their wedding day sometimes find themselves panicking about whether they've made the best choice."
69462,206,9,22,I have a better tie at home!
69463,206,9,22,It's cornflower blue. It's cornflower blue!
69464,206,9,22,"NARRATOR: But lucky for Barney, he was marrying a rock."
69465,206,9,22,I can't go through with this wedding.
69466,206,9,22,"Last year, when you helped Victoria escape this church, how hard was it to climb down that drainpipe?"
69467,206,9,22,Extremely hard.
69468,206,9,22,"Okay, so that means super easy. Thanks."
69469,206,9,22,"Wait, wait. Stop, stop."
69470,206,9,22,What the hell are you doing?
69471,206,9,22,I just... I can't go through with this!
69472,206,9,22,"No, no. Sorry. I refuse to be a part of a third runaway bride situation."
69473,206,9,22,It's like the dude in that documentary who kept having women show up dead at the bottom of his staircase.
69474,206,9,22,"Sure, maybe they all tripped, but it's like, do you want to hang out with that guy?"
69475,206,9,22,"God, you're gonna think I'm insane, but..."
69476,206,9,22,I still think that it's a bad sign I never found that locket.
69477,206,9,22,Some part of me thought that Barney would magically find it.
69478,206,9,22,I know.
69479,206,9,22,"I know that's unfair of me to expect that, but... you know, I want to be with a guy who comes through for me, you know?"
69480,206,9,22,"The guy who, somehow, against all odds, finds my locket."
69481,206,9,22,"Okay, just, um... just calm down, stay put."
69482,206,9,22,"Uh, I'm-I'm gonna go get you some water, okay?"
69483,206,9,22,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x22 ♪
69484,206,9,22,The End of the Aisle
69485,206,9,22,"Original Air Date on March 24, 2014"
69486,206,9,22,"Uh, listen, I have something for you, but before I give it to you, I just want to make sure you're okay."
69487,206,9,22,"I was freaking out a little earlier, but Lily and Marshall calmed me down. I'm okay."
69488,206,9,22,"Good, good. So, Robin's a little nervous."
69489,206,9,22,Nervous? Why is she nervous?
69490,206,9,22,I'm not nervous! Who's nervous?!
69491,206,9,22,No one needs to be nervous!
69492,206,9,22,"Cornflower blue, Ted. Cornflower blue!"
69493,206,9,22,"First off, kudos to Marshall and Lily for calming you down."
69494,206,9,22,"Second, do you... you remember Robin's locket?"
69495,206,9,22,"Yeah, of course."
69496,206,9,22,She never found it.
69497,206,9,22,Whoa. How did you...?
69498,206,9,22,"I never told you about it because I was afraid you'd take it the wrong way, but I actually wound up tracking it down."
69499,206,9,22,It's a long story.
69500,206,9,22,"I was gonna give it to Robin as a surprise, but... she needs it to come from you."
69501,206,9,22,"Ted, I don't know."
69502,206,9,22,Take it. Please.
69503,206,9,22,How'd you find it?
69504,206,9,22,I didn't find it.
69505,206,9,22,You found it.
69506,206,9,22,♪
69507,206,9,22,Hey. Hey.
69508,206,9,22,What you writing?
69509,206,9,22,"Um, it's my wedding day."
69510,206,9,22,What do you think I'm writing?
69511,206,9,22,Suicide note?
69512,206,9,22,Hey-yo! (laughs)
69513,206,9,22,"Oh, God, is it a suicide note?"
69514,206,9,22,"Oh, my God, how many pills did you take?"
69515,206,9,22,Quick. How do we make him vomit?
69516,206,9,22,"Uh, remind him he's getting married. Hey-yo!"
69517,206,9,22,(laughs)
69518,206,9,22,Wait. Now I'm confused.
69519,206,9,22,Are you dying?
69520,206,9,22,"I'm writing my vows to Robin, but I want them to be profound and inspiring, as if they were written by the bard himself, Lionel Richie."
69521,206,9,22,Then why did you wait until right before the wedding to compose them?
69522,206,9,22,I didn't. I've been trying to get these right for weeks. Oh.
69523,206,9,22,This is a lot of vows.
69524,206,9,22,Vow-za.
69525,206,9,22,I'll say it again. Vow-za.
69526,206,9,22,Are you really gonna read all of these?
69527,206,9,22,"Yeah, uh, wouldn't it be better to project them as a VowerPoint presentation?"
69528,206,9,22,(clicks tongue)
69529,206,9,22,Say it again. VowerPoint...
69530,206,9,22,"I know it's a lot, but I-I don't want to screw up this wedding thing."
69531,206,9,22,"""I vow to love you forever unconditionally, ""unless you pudge out, in which case I'm a Barney-shaped hole in the wall."""
69532,206,9,22,"""I vow to start watching hockey with you.."""""
69533,206,9,22,"Oh, that one's sweet."
69534,206,9,22,I know how much you hate hockey.
69535,206,9,22,"""...once a month"""""
69536,206,9,22,But it's still a nice gesture.
69537,206,9,22,"""No. Once a year. No. Hockey's dumb."
69538,206,9,22,"""Not watching it, and neither are you, woman."
69539,206,9,22,"Now make me French toast"""""
69540,206,9,22,I'll put this in the maybe pile.
69541,206,9,22,"Look, if you're having trouble, you've got two expert vow consultants standing right in front of you."
69542,206,9,22,Yeah. We can show you vow it's done.
69543,206,9,22,Say it again. Vow it's done...
69544,206,9,22,"We're just not enjoying them, honey."
69545,206,9,22,I am not gonna take marriage advice from a couple who just got in a gigantic fight.
69546,206,9,22,I'm doing fine on my own.
69547,206,9,22,"No, you're not."
69548,206,9,22,All of these vows are selfish and way too easy to keep.
69549,206,9,22,"Wedding vows need to be real commitments, like our vows."
69550,206,9,22,Poppycock!
69551,206,9,22,What are you talking about?
69552,206,9,22,"I remember your precious wedding vows, and I guarantee you've broken every single one of them."
69553,206,9,22,Vow dare you!
69554,206,9,22,Just stop.
69555,206,9,22,I can't. It's invowluntary.
69556,206,9,22,(knocking)
69557,206,9,22,Yeah.
69558,206,9,22,Hey. You asked for me?
69559,206,9,22,Look what Barney just gave me.
69560,206,9,22,No way!
69561,206,9,22,See? Barney came through.
69562,206,9,22,There's your sign.
69563,206,9,22,You're good to go.
69564,206,9,22,"Where'd you find the locket, Ted?"
69565,206,9,22,Where did you find the locket?
69566,206,9,22,Me? Why-why are you asking me?
69567,206,9,22,Barney found it. Ask him.
69568,206,9,22,"What, you lost a locket?"
69569,206,9,22,"Barney wouldn't tell me how he found it, which made me realize it had to be you."
69570,206,9,22,(laughs): Okay.
69571,206,9,22,I'll embarrass him.
69572,206,9,22,"Your fiancé got a metal detector and scoured a 10,000-square-foot grid around that carousel."
69573,206,9,22,Guess where he found it.
69574,206,9,22,The nest of a mama pigeon.
69575,206,9,22,(laughs): Barney had to wrestle it away from four baby pigeons.
69576,206,9,22,But here's where the story gets bittersweet.
69577,206,9,22,I lied. Barney said it was in Marshall and Lily's basement.
69578,206,9,22,But do you still want to finish your little pigeon story?
69579,206,9,22,The mama pigeon gets killed by a cab.
69580,206,9,22,Barney still goes back to the park every day to feed the babies. The end.
69581,206,9,22,Tell me the truth.
69582,206,9,22,"Okay, I-I tracked it down, and I gave it to Barney to give to you."
69583,206,9,22,"Honestly, it was no big deal."
69584,206,9,22,How did you find it?
69585,206,9,22,Psh. How does anybody find anything?
69586,206,9,22,You hear it might be in your race car pencil box. It's not there.
69587,206,9,22,So you swing by your ex-fiancée's storage locker on the opposite coast.
69588,206,9,22,It's not there.
69589,206,9,22,"You learn Victoria has it in Germany, but Jeanette intercepts it, throws it in Central Park Lake."
69590,206,9,22,"It's a nice day for a swim, so what the heck?"
69591,206,9,22,"You dive in, scoop it up, make"
69592,206,9,22,it home in time for Jeopardy!
69593,206,9,22,Ease to the pease. Happy wedding.
69594,206,9,22,You're seriously questioning our wedding vows?
69595,206,9,22,"Us? Uh, we're adorable."
69596,206,9,22,"We're Marshmallow and Lilypad, bitch."
69597,206,9,22,"Okay, I'll give you this."
69598,206,9,22,Your little pre-wedding wedding out by the tree... you said some very sweet stuff.
69599,206,9,22,"Hell, Ted even cried."
69600,206,9,22,(scoffs)
69601,206,9,22,Ted.
69602,206,9,22,"But later, at the actual wedding..."
69603,206,9,22,"Lily Aldrin, I vow to be there for you in sickness and in health."
69604,206,9,22,"Hate to tell you, Lilypad, but Marshall has since confessed to me that en route to your honeymoon..."
69605,206,9,22,"(retching): Oh. Oh, God."
69606,206,9,22,(snoring)
69607,206,9,22,You son of a beech. You son of a beech.
69608,206,9,22,Do you deny it?
69609,206,9,22,"Lily, you know I'm not a vomit guy, and I just thought I should give you your space."
69610,206,9,22,Like a dying cat.
69611,206,9,22,"Oh, yeah, that saves it."
69612,206,9,22,I'm so sorry I let you down.
69613,206,9,22,"Hang on there, Marshmallow."
69614,206,9,22,Remember when the blushing bride said...
69615,206,9,22,I vow to honor and respect you.
69616,206,9,22,Maybe she was blushing because she was lying her ass off.
69617,206,9,22,Not two months later...
69618,206,9,22,Shh. Okay. Okay.
69619,206,9,22,"Hey, not cool!"
69620,206,9,22,You will not take a picture of my husband like that!
69621,206,9,22,(laughter)
69622,206,9,22,(camera clicks)
69623,206,9,22,MARSHALL: You took part in the bearded Wonder Woman incident of 2007?
69624,206,9,22,"Lily, that photo got all over Friendster and Myspace and... man, 2007 was a long time ago."
69625,206,9,22,"Ted, I can't believe how much trouble you went through to get this for me."
69626,206,9,22,It really wasn't that much trouble.
69627,206,9,22,"Yes, it was."
69628,206,9,22,You always go big for me.
69629,206,9,22,Not as big as Barney.
69630,206,9,22,Canadian rehearsal dinner on ice-- big.
69631,206,9,22,The way he proposed-- huge.
69632,206,9,22,"Yeah, but think about it."
69633,206,9,22,"Those are the most loving things that Barney has ever done for me, and they're all based on lies."
69634,206,9,22,Right down to taking credit for this locket.
69635,206,9,22,That's not fair.
69636,206,9,22,I told Barney to take credit for it.
69637,206,9,22,Which he did without blinking an eye.
69638,206,9,22,Because lying is second nature to Barney.
69639,206,9,22,Everything's legendary.
69640,206,9,22,"You know what ""legendary"" means?"
69641,206,9,22,Not real.
69642,206,9,22,"I mean, the man's initials are ""B.S."""
69643,206,9,22,"If it helps, I'm pretty sure Barney Stinson's a fake name."
69644,206,9,22,I'm kidding.
69645,206,9,22,"You're the one who always comes through for me, Ted."
69646,206,9,22,The one who's there for me.
69647,206,9,22,Maybe I'm making a mistake.
69648,206,9,22,Wait. What-what are you saying?
69649,206,9,22,Maybe I should be marrying you.
69650,206,9,22,Wait. I know one vow we kept.
69651,206,9,22,I vow to make you breakfast in bed every Sunday morning.
69652,206,9,22,Really? You still do that?
69653,206,9,22,Absolutely.
69654,206,9,22,(baby crying)
69655,206,9,22,MARSHALL: Heads up!
69656,206,9,22,Oh! No cream cheese?
69657,206,9,22,Oh.
69658,206,9,22,BARNEY: Oh!
69659,206,9,22,You feed her like Sloth from Goonies.
69660,206,9,22,So the magic's still there.
69661,206,9,22,"Well, here's one you definitely didn't keep."
69662,206,9,22,I vow to keep the romantic spark alive.
69663,206,9,22,And how is that going for you these days?
69664,206,9,22,MARSHALL: Are you watching Marvin?
69665,206,9,22,I'm trimming my nose hair.
69666,206,9,22,LILY: I'm dumping out.
69667,206,9,22,"I watched him all morning, Lily."
69668,206,9,22,I need a break.
69669,206,9,22,"I don't control when my deuces happen, Marshall."
69670,206,9,22,Deuces are wild!
69671,206,9,22,(laughing)
69672,206,9,22,"Ted, I should be with you."
69673,206,9,22,
69674,206,9,22,"NARRATOR: There it was-- the words that some deep, dark part of me"
69675,206,9,22,always wanted to hear.
69676,206,9,22,But it's funny.
69677,206,9,22,Once you actually hear those words out loud...
69678,206,9,22,I don't want to hear that.
69679,206,9,22,We should get out of here.
69680,206,9,22,You and me right now. We'll...
69681,206,9,22,We'll move to Chicago. W-We'll start a new life.
69682,206,9,22,"It'll-it'll be painful at first, but, hell, I can root for the Blackhawks."
69683,206,9,22,Stop! Stop!
69684,206,9,22,You're just saying this because you're scared.
69685,206,9,22,I am not your future. Barney is.
69686,206,9,22,Shouldn't I be with the guy who finds me my locket?
69687,206,9,22,The guy who steals me the blue French horn.
69688,206,9,22,"I mean, look me in the eye and tell me, why shouldn't I be with that guy?"
69689,206,9,22,Because I'm not that guy anymore.
69690,206,9,22,Then why did you work so hard to find me my locket?
69691,206,9,22,It... it was a wedding gift.
69692,206,9,22,"Ted, stop it, okay? I know you better than that."
69693,206,9,22,This is more than a wedding gift.
69694,206,9,22,Maybe it started out that way. Maybe some part of me thought...
69695,206,9,22,That you still loved me.
69696,206,9,22,Maybe.
69697,206,9,22,But the truth is...
69698,206,9,22,I don't love you like that anymore.
69699,206,9,22,And you don't love me.
69700,206,9,22,You love Barney.
69701,206,9,22,"And if you think I would ever be part of screwing that up, then maybe you don't know me at all, Robin."
69702,206,9,22,(groans)
69703,206,9,22,I... I can't shake it.
69704,206,9,22,I-I can't shake this feeling that nothing about me and Barney makes any sense.
69705,206,9,22,But love doesn't make sense.
69706,206,9,22,"I mean, you can't logic your way into or out of it."
69707,206,9,22,"Love is totally nonsensical, but we have to keep doing it or else we're lost and-and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in."
69708,206,9,22,Because love is the best thing we do.
69709,206,9,22,"Look, I know that sounds cheesy, but it's-it's just true."
69710,206,9,22,"You love Barney, and-and he loves you."
69711,206,9,22,And that doesn't have to make sense to make sense.
69712,206,9,22,Remember back when you had never even seen me pee?
69713,206,9,22,Yeah. Yeah.
69714,206,9,22,"Oh, sorry."
69715,206,9,22,We were so innocent then.
69716,206,9,22,So many dreams.
69717,206,9,22,Trying to work over here.
69718,206,9,22,"Bright, shimmering future ahead."
69719,206,9,22,Now we're basically a couple of wild animals grunting at each other to throw some toilet paper through the crack in the bathroom door.
69720,206,9,22,"Baby, let's be honest."
69721,206,9,22,"At this point, that door is wide open."
69722,206,9,22,You know what you should use the next time you run out of toilet paper? Your wedding vows.
69723,206,9,22,"'Cause that's all your marriage has been, one long six-year wipe after that double-flusher of a wedding."
69724,206,9,22,Stinson out!
69725,206,9,22,You okay?
69726,206,9,22,Yeah.
69727,206,9,22,You're right. I'm-I'm being insane.
69728,206,9,22,"Oh, come on, Robin."
69729,206,9,22,That's... accurate.
69730,206,9,22,(chuckles)
69731,206,9,22,We can't run away together.
69732,206,9,22,(chuckles)
69733,206,9,22,Of course not.
69734,206,9,22,So I'm just gonna run away alone!
69735,206,9,22,(panting)
69736,206,9,22,Damn it.
69737,206,9,22,(panting)
69738,206,9,22,(yelps) Whoa!
69739,206,9,22,NARRATOR: And that's how Robin met your mother.
69740,206,9,22,"Wait, what are we doing here?"
69741,206,9,22,"Lily, our-our wedding vows, maybe they were just too perfect for real life."
69742,206,9,22,"Real life is messier than that, and... we're different people than we were in 2007."
69743,206,9,22,But that's okay.
69744,206,9,22,Maybe we just need some updated vows.
69745,206,9,22,"So I thought maybe before this place gets too busy, we could... borrow this altar for a minute."
69746,206,9,22,"Lily Aldrin, I vow to stop shouting stuff at you when you're dumping out."
69747,206,9,22,"You're the love of my life, and you deserve to make a deuce in peace."
69748,206,9,22,"I vow to stop pointing out every dog erection we see when we walk through the park, even though they are incredibly weird looking."
69749,206,9,22,"Oh, just don't point and screa,[/i] mMaybe it's Maybelline."""
69750,206,9,22,"Marshall Eriksen, I vow to always tell you when you have green stuff in your teeth."
69751,206,9,22,You have green stuff in your teeth.
69752,206,9,22,Oh.
69753,206,9,22,(chuckles)
69754,206,9,22,"I vow to always sit next to you and hug you, even if you're covered in vomit, whether it's yours or Marvin's or... in the case of what came to be known as Spew Year's Eve 1998-- my own. Sorry."
69755,206,9,22,I vow to stop getting so angry...
69756,206,9,22,"Ooh, I just thought of another one."
69757,206,9,22,...when you interrupt me.
69758,206,9,22,"Mine was to interrupt you less, so that's good."
69759,206,9,22,"I vow... to finally stop petitioning Paul McCartney to let Weird Al recor,[/i] dChicken Pot Pie"" to the tune o,[/i] fLive and Let Die."""
69760,206,9,22,It's over.
69761,206,9,22,I'll let it go.
69762,206,9,22,I vow... to cry less during this pregnancy.
69763,206,9,22,I vow to cry less during this Vikings season.
69764,206,9,22,"Mm, with that secondary, I wouldn't make that promise."
69765,206,9,22,I vow to keep at least 80% of these vows.
69766,206,9,22,That seems high.
69767,206,9,22,And I vow to keep updating them as we go.
69768,206,9,22,"Because one set of vows, it can't cover a lifetime of growing and changing with you, of raising children with you..."
69769,206,9,22,"...falling more and more in love with you every day, Lily Aldrin, which is what I vow to do for the rest of my life."
69770,206,9,22,Crap. I already broke my crying vow.
69771,206,9,22,I'll forgive you.
69772,206,9,22,I am so sorry. Are you okay? Oh...
69773,206,9,22,That was totally my fault.
69774,206,9,22,No. The bride is always right. It was my fault.
69775,206,9,22,Are you okay?
69776,206,9,22,I'm fine.
69777,206,9,22,Are you sure?
69778,206,9,22,Because you were sprinting from a church in a wedding dress.
69779,206,9,22,"And as a kid, I was a bit of a detective..."
69780,206,9,22,(chuckles): so...
69781,206,9,22,"Um... to be honest, I'm-I'm wondering if this... whole getting married thing is something I can go through with."
69782,206,9,22,Oh.
69783,206,9,22,Wow.
69784,206,9,22,That's it?
69785,206,9,22,Aren't you supposed to talk me out of it?
69786,206,9,22,Tell me it's just cold feet? I'm-I'm being crazy?
69787,206,9,22,"Okay, during that fall, we did kind of get to second base with each other... and we'll always share that... but I don't really know you."
69788,206,9,22,"So... here's all I'll say: when I'm overwhelmed, I force myself to do one simple thing before I have to make a decision: close my eyes and take three deep breaths."
69789,206,9,22,Three deep breaths. Mm-hmm.
69790,206,9,22,Sometimes even three deep breaths can change everything.
69791,206,9,22,(breathing deeply)
69792,206,9,22,Barney?
69793,206,9,22,"Hey, I've been looking for you. You okay?"
69794,206,9,22,Uh... yeah. I-I was just talking to the... the band about the... thing with the stuff.
69795,206,9,22,What are those?
69796,206,9,22,My vows.
69797,206,9,22,"I-I know it's bad luck to see the bride right before the ceremony, but I realized something."
69798,206,9,22,"Marshall and Lily have broken most of their wedding vows, but they're still the best couple I know."
69799,206,9,22,I think their biggest problem was that Marshall didn't tell Lily the truth.
69800,206,9,22,So...
69801,206,9,22,"I've decided to make only one vow to you, because it's the only one that really counts."
69802,206,9,22,Robin Scherbatsky...
69803,206,9,22,"...from this day forward, I am always gonna be honest with you."
69804,206,9,22,'Cause I love you.
69805,206,9,22,I'll see you up there.
69806,206,9,22,Oh.
69807,206,9,22,Ted got that locket for you.
69808,206,9,22,He's the one you should thank.
69809,206,9,22,"Barney, wait."
69810,206,9,22,(Pachelbel's Canon in D playing)
69811,206,9,22,(quietly): What is it?
69812,206,9,22,The cornflower blue tie.
69813,206,9,22,That's the one I should be wearing.
69814,206,9,22,It's right by my bed. Back in Manhattan.
69815,206,9,22,"Stall for me. I'll be back in six hours, tops."
69816,206,9,22,That's all of 'em!
69817,206,9,22,Wow.
69818,206,9,22,Wait.
69819,206,9,22,I'm free.
69820,206,9,22,It's over.
69821,206,9,22,The slap bet is finally... over?
69822,206,9,22,"Yeah, it is, buddy."
69823,206,9,22,(exhales)
69824,206,9,22,Thank you.
69825,206,9,22,"You know, this may sound crazy, but I'm gonna miss that slap bet."
69826,206,9,22,"No, you won't. No, you're right. I won't."
69827,206,9,22,"(Handel's ""Hornpipe"" from Water Music playing)"
69828,206,9,22,Hi.
69829,206,9,22,Hi.
69830,206,9,22,"You've never looked more beautiful, Robin."
69831,206,9,22,"Nobody asked you, Patrice."
69832,206,9,22,"By the way, in the interest of honesty, we really do have a ring bear."
69833,206,9,22,What?
69834,206,9,22,Oh. I love the ring bear.
69835,206,9,22,Then you are gonna love the flower gorilla.
69836,206,9,22,What? Kidding. I'm kidding.
69837,206,9,22,(chuckles)
69838,206,9,22,(clears throat)
69839,206,9,22,♪ If I ever were to lose you... ♪
69840,206,9,22,"NARRATOR: Kids, I won't lie, that was a long weekend."
69841,206,9,22,More ups and downs than I can count.
69842,206,9,22,♪ I've not found by myself...
69843,206,9,22,"It was a twisting, turning road that led to the end of the aisle, and not everything along the way was perfect."
69844,206,9,22,"To be honest, not everything to follow would be perfect either."
69845,206,9,22,But what is?
69846,206,9,22,"Here's the secret, kids: none of us can vow to be perfect."
69847,206,9,22,"In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we've got."
69848,206,9,22,♪ 'Cause I can see ♪
69849,206,9,22,♪ Our future days...
69850,206,9,22,Because love's the best thing we do.
69851,206,9,22,♪ Days of you and me...
69852,206,9,22,"And on that lovely spring evening, that's exactly what Barney and Robin vowed to each other."
69853,207,9,23,So?
69854,207,9,23,(whispers): No.
69855,207,9,23,No. You-You were in.
69856,207,9,23,"I said, ""Have you met Ted"" and everything."
69857,207,9,23,"How could that not work? I don't know, we introduced ourselves, I bought her a drink, told her I loved her..."
69858,207,9,23,What? I'm kidding.
69859,207,9,23,"Hold on, Roxanne-- if that really is your name."
69860,207,9,23,It's not. It's Robin.
69861,207,9,23,"You played ""Have You Met Ted"" without me?"
69862,207,9,23,In my bar with my Ted?
69863,207,9,23,Maybe stealing a bro's wingman is okay back in...
69864,207,9,23,"I'm sorry, what's the name of this third world banana republic you claim to be from?"
69865,207,9,23,Canada.
69866,207,9,23,I have literally never heard of that place.
69867,207,9,23,"When'd you move here, anyway?"
69868,207,9,23,Two months ago.
69869,207,9,23,"How do you like it? Honestly, it-it's been a little tough."
69870,207,9,23,"I moved here for this on-air reporter job at Metro News 1 thinking it was gonna be my big break, only to find out that our viewership mostly consists of DMV waiting rooms and people plugging in their TV for the first time."
69871,207,9,23,(chuckles)
69872,207,9,23,"To top it all off, I have no friends."
69873,207,9,23,Um... wrong.
69874,207,9,23,You have four friends right here.
69875,207,9,23,"Right, guys? Uh, yeah."
69876,207,9,23,"You're totally in our gang, now. And once you're in, you're in for life, right?"
69877,207,9,23,She's in. Oh. All right.
69878,207,9,23,She's in. Welcome.
69879,207,9,23,"Well, if I'm in, I should get the next round."
69880,207,9,23,"Whoa, whoa, Ooh, I like this girl. ho, ho."
69881,207,9,23,"I'm serious, I like this girl."
69882,207,9,23,And we need some estrogen up in this bitch.
69883,207,9,23,All we ever talk about is Scotch and sports.
69884,207,9,23,"Five Glen McKennas, 21 years, neat."
69885,207,9,23,"And switch it to the hockey game, 'cause my Canucks are gonna bury the Bruins, yo."
69886,207,9,23,So here's the deal with the deal.
69887,207,9,23,Robin's my new best friend... nobody bangs her.
69888,207,9,23,"Hey, hey, hey, she only rejected me three times, she's still very much in play."
69889,207,9,23,I'm serious.
69890,207,9,23,There's only one way I'd let either of you have s*x with her.
69891,207,9,23,(gasps)
69892,207,9,23,Not that. It's never that.
69893,207,9,23,I really want this girl to stay a part of our lives.
69894,207,9,23,So the only way you're allowed to hook up with her... is if you marry her.
69895,207,9,23,Too rich for my blood.
69896,207,9,23,TED: That son of a bitch did it.
69897,207,9,23,He really did.
69898,207,9,23,"So you're moving to Chicago tomorrow, huh?"
69899,207,9,23,How do you feel?
69900,207,9,23,"Uh, I'm looking forward to it."
69901,207,9,23,The job's amazing.
69902,207,9,23,I got a great apartment lined up.
69903,207,9,23,"You know, it's..."
69904,207,9,23,It's exciting.
69905,207,9,23,Onwards and upwar...
69906,207,9,23,♪
69907,207,9,23,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x23 ♪
69908,207,9,23,"Last Forever, Part 1"
69909,207,9,23,"Original Air Date on March 31, 2014"
69910,207,9,23,♪
69911,207,9,23,BARNEY: Hey! Bass player.
69912,207,9,23,"It's me. The guy from the drug store with the diapers that hit on you, then we went outside and had a deep, emotional talk on a bus bench."
69913,207,9,23,I ...I-I'm gonna be really surprised if I have to be more specific than that.
69914,207,9,23,Remember when you told me to stop messing around and go get the girl?
69915,207,9,23,"Well, check it. I got her."
69916,207,9,23,(chuckles)
69917,207,9,23,What about you? You still dating that guy?
69918,207,9,23,"Grape Scotch Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted."
69919,207,9,23,"Right here, right here, Yeah, I-I see you, Barney. right here, right here."
69920,207,9,23,"Good, great. Then it's time to play a little game I like to call Have... Yeah, Barney, I... No, no."
69921,207,9,23,You are not getting out of Have You Met Ted.
69922,207,9,23,There's a girl that you have to meet.
69923,207,9,23,"She is perfect for you. And has... she met you? No, she has... not."
69924,207,9,23,Think of all the s*x you're gonna ha..
69925,207,9,23,Barney.
69926,207,9,23,I ha... I have to go.
69927,207,9,23,"What, now?"
69928,207,9,23,Yeah.
69929,207,9,23,Y...
69930,207,9,23,W-We have to do this outside.
69931,207,9,23,Robin.
69932,207,9,23,It's been a major pleasure.
69933,207,9,23,Major Pleasure. Major Pleasure.
69934,207,9,23,(chuckles)
69935,207,9,23,Come here.
69936,207,9,23,(whispers): Congratulations.
69937,207,9,23,(whispers): Thank you.
69938,207,9,23,"Oh, God, no, this is too real."
69939,207,9,23,"I can't handle this, Marshall's next."
69940,207,9,23,Marshall.
69941,207,9,23,Good luck out there in Chicago.
69942,207,9,23,"I'm gonna be kind of jealous of you, getting to have Gazzola's pizza whenever you want."
69943,207,9,23,You're gonna be in Rome.
69944,207,9,23,Yeah. I guess.
69945,207,9,23,I just...
69946,207,9,23,I feel like a hug isn't enough.
69947,207,9,23,E.T. good-bye?
69948,207,9,23,(imitating E.T.): I'll be right... here.
69949,207,9,23,"Okay, it helped, but that was really creepy."
69950,207,9,23,I don't want to see you for awhile.
69951,207,9,23,(laughs)
69952,207,9,23,Barney.
69953,207,9,23,Mm.
69954,207,9,23,We licked the Liberty Bell.
69955,207,9,23,We did?
69956,207,9,23,"Yeah, you..."
69957,207,9,23,You don't remember that?
69958,207,9,23,"Uh, I've done a lot of cool stuff, Ted."
69959,207,9,23,"Oh, my God."
69960,207,9,23,I just... I just realized: Who am I gonna high five now?
69961,207,9,23,"(laughs) Come on, dude. No, no, I'm being serious. What if I see... a pack of lions fighting a tyrannosaurus?"
69962,207,9,23,"Or, better yet, what if I see boobs?"
69963,207,9,23,Who am I... who am I gonna high five then?
69964,207,9,23,You can high five Marshall.
69965,207,9,23,"Yeah, yeah. But Marshall only likes to high five about Lily boobs."
69966,207,9,23,"Oh, always."
69967,207,9,23,"Okay, Barney."
69968,207,9,23,I have an idea.
69969,207,9,23,One last high five.
69970,207,9,23,A high five to echo throughout eternity.
69971,207,9,23,Yes.
69972,207,9,23,And within that high five will be all the high fives we've ever high fived.
69973,207,9,23,And all the high fives we could ever possibly high five.
69974,207,9,23,A high infinity.
69975,207,9,23,"A high infinity, exactly."
69976,207,9,23,Let's do this.
69977,207,9,23,"All right, everybody back up."
69978,207,9,23,"Oh, boy."
69979,207,9,23,"I'll see you on the other side, Ray."
69980,207,9,23,"Nice working with you, Dr. Venkman."
69981,207,9,23,(Ted and Barney growling)
69982,207,9,23,TED and BARNEY: Aah!
69983,207,9,23,(slap) Ow! Ow!
69984,207,9,23,Oh. Oh. Oh!
69985,207,9,23,Worth it.
69986,207,9,23,So worth it.
69987,207,9,23,(short laugh)
69988,207,9,23,"So I rushed out to make the train, which is now 45 minutes late."
69989,207,9,23,This lady with the bass guitar... was she pretty?
69990,207,9,23,♪
69991,207,9,23,Yeah.
69992,207,9,23,She was beautiful.
69993,207,9,23,Go back and meet her.
69994,207,9,23,No.
69995,207,9,23,But what if it was destiny?
69996,207,9,23,"Lady, it's been a really long weekend."
69997,207,9,23,I'm moving to Chicago tomorrow.
69998,207,9,23,I can't really talk destiny right now.
69999,207,9,23,Okay.
70000,207,9,23,Yes?
70001,207,9,23,What if the universe sent you a gigantic sign that this woman
70002,207,9,23,was your destiny?
70003,207,9,23,Then would you talk to her?
70004,207,9,23,"Yeah, sure. I mean, I-I guess I would have to."
70005,207,9,23,Okay.
70006,207,9,23,Okay.
70007,207,9,23,Where is that train?
70008,207,9,23,Can I ask one more question?
70009,207,9,23,What?
70010,207,9,23,This girl with the bass guitar... is that her?
70011,207,9,23,"That is her, isn't it?"
70012,207,9,23,(whoops)
70013,207,9,23,This is so exciting.
70014,207,9,23,G-Go talk to her.
70015,207,9,23,"(whispers): All right. Just be cool, lady. Damn."
70016,207,9,23,Why are you still sitting here?
70017,207,9,23,"Because I'm moving to Chicago tomorrow, remember?"
70018,207,9,23,"And 24 hours from now, my life is gonna be completely different."
70019,207,9,23,"MARSHALL: This is so strange, you know, now that Ted's gone, it's just a... a different vibe."
70020,207,9,23,You can just f-feel his absence.
70021,207,9,23,Are you kidding me?!
70022,207,9,23,"Oh, hey."
70023,207,9,23,"Ted, what are you doing here?"
70024,207,9,23,Just having a drink.
70025,207,9,23,What are you doing in New York?
70026,207,9,23,Aren't you supposed to be in Chicago?
70027,207,9,23,No... Oh.
70028,207,9,23,"Yeah, I'm not doing that."
70029,207,9,23,What? What?
70030,207,9,23,I'm not moving to Chicago. Why?
70031,207,9,23,I met a girl. You... son of a bitch!
70032,207,9,23,What is the matter with you?
70033,207,9,23,How could you put us through that?
70034,207,9,23,That good-bye was emotionally devastating.
70035,207,9,23,A certain delicate flower cried all night in the shower.
70036,207,9,23,"And I was pretty bummed, too."
70037,207,9,23,And now you're staying because of some girl?
70038,207,9,23,"I mean, who is this person?"
70039,207,9,23,The bass player from the wedding band.
70040,207,9,23,"Oh, yeah, she's great."
70041,207,9,23,(gasps)
70042,207,9,23,"Love her. Right, right?"
70043,207,9,23,What are you... What are you doing? Calling her.
70044,207,9,23,Don't do this. Don't call her the next day.
70045,207,9,23,You're blowing this. Huh?
70046,207,9,23,"Three days. You wait three days, Ted. Oh, the three day rule is-is a childish, manipulative mind game."
70047,207,9,23,"But yeah, you wait three days."
70048,207,9,23,"H-Hey, it's Ted. Hi. Um, listen, do you ... do you want to have dinner tomorrow night?"
70049,207,9,23,Great.
70050,207,9,23,"It was clear I meant with me, right?"
70051,207,9,23,Same answer. Solid.
70052,207,9,23,MARSHALL: Why does he keep doing this?
70053,207,9,23,"He meets 'em, he likes 'em way too much, he goes way too big, too soon, and he ends up blowing it."
70054,207,9,23,I can't take this anymore.
70055,207,9,23,He's fallen in love so many times now.
70056,207,9,23,Not like this.
70057,207,9,23,This is different.
70058,207,9,23,"Come on, go talk to her."
70059,207,9,23,"Oh, and it'll all be because of me."
70060,207,9,23,And I'll sing at your wedding. (laughs)
70061,207,9,23,"Y-You are gonna have a big wedding, right?"
70062,207,9,23,"What? No. Just be cool, lady. Damn."
70063,207,9,23,(sighs) And aren't big weddings kind of a young man's game?
70064,207,9,23,You don't have a big wedding in your 30s.
70065,207,9,23,"If I do ever get married, I'm keeping it simple."
70066,207,9,23,BARNEY: A hot air balloon?
70067,207,9,23,"Well, yeah. I mean, when you're getting married in a 17th-century castle in France and making your entrance on a stagecoach with six white horses, you kind of got to make a big exit. (chuckles)"
70068,207,9,23,How much are you spending on this?
70069,207,9,23,"Oh, like, a lot of money."
70070,207,9,23,Mm. All of my money.
70071,207,9,23,"Look, I know you guys have been traveling a lot, but you're coming, right?"
70072,207,9,23,Oh course. What... Duh.
70073,207,9,23,(short laugh)
70074,207,9,23,(quiet laugh)
70075,207,9,23,I'll get the next round.
70076,207,9,23,Thanks.
70077,207,9,23,"I'd offer, but..."
70078,207,9,23,Castle.
70079,207,9,23,Yeah.
70080,207,9,23,"So, how you guys doing?"
70081,207,9,23,"I mean, Robin's really taking off at work, huh?"
70082,207,9,23,"It's like, ""Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News, Caracas."""
70083,207,9,23,"""Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News, St. Petersburg."""
70084,207,9,23,"""Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News, anywhere but New York, apparently."" (laughs)"
70085,207,9,23,But it's great.
70086,207,9,23,"Uh, it's makes things super difficult for us, but it's great. It's great."
70087,207,9,23,It's great. It's great.
70088,207,9,23,One more and I'll believe you.
70089,207,9,23,It's great. (laughs)
70090,207,9,23,Sounds great.
70091,207,9,23,"Hey. Hi, hi. Sorry I'm late."
70092,207,9,23,Can I talk to you for a minute?
70093,207,9,23,"Yeah, sure. Did you wire the down payment to the castle guy?"
70094,207,9,23,I got a castle guy.
70095,207,9,23,"I've got, like, three castle guys."
70096,207,9,23,"And a moat guy, so..."
70097,207,9,23,I didn't wire the payment because I don't think we can get married in September.
70098,207,9,23,"What-What, why? Because, when I do get married, I kind of want to fit in... my dress."
70099,207,9,23,Why wouldn't you f...
70100,207,9,23,No.
70101,207,9,23,Yeah.
70102,207,9,23,No. Yeah.
70103,207,9,23,"Yeah, yeah."
70104,207,9,23,Yeah. Whoa. (laughing)
70105,207,9,23,What's going on?
70106,207,9,23,She's getting a boob job.
70107,207,9,23,LILY: We just peeked in on Penny asleep in the baby room.
70108,207,9,23,It's adorable.
70109,207,9,23,"The whole place looks great, guys."
70110,207,9,23,But I can't believe you let Ted hang his jousting lance from the renaissance fair on your bedroom wall.
70111,207,9,23,(chuckles)
70112,207,9,23,Yeah.
70113,207,9,23,That's Ted's.
70114,207,9,23,"So, Marshall, how's your job going? Mm."
70115,207,9,23,My chair... is reasonably comfortable.
70116,207,9,23,For short periods of time.
70117,207,9,23,Marshall has decided to say only positive things about being back in corporate law.
70118,207,9,23,So you hate it?
70119,207,9,23,Much of what I do does not make me cry.
70120,207,9,23,But the job's only temporary.
70121,207,9,23,"Marshall was offered the judgeship once, and he turned it down for me."
70122,207,9,23,"So, karmically, that phone has to ring again."
70123,207,9,23,"And even if it doesn't, today, when my boss threw his egg salad sandwich at my face, some of it got into my mouth."
70124,207,9,23,And it was tasty.
70125,207,9,23,"Hey, what about you guys?"
70126,207,9,23,How was Argentina?
70127,207,9,23,Great. It was great.
70128,207,9,23,It was great. It was great.
70129,207,9,23,It was great. It was great.
70130,207,9,23,It was great.
70131,207,9,23,(chuckles)
70132,207,9,23,One more and I'll believe you.
70133,207,9,23,(sighs)
70134,207,9,23,(sighs)
70135,207,9,23,This is so not great.
70136,207,9,23,I'm sorry that I have to work while I'm here.
70137,207,9,23,It's called being on assignment.
70138,207,9,23,"Well, what about me? There's no Wi-Fi in this hotel."
70139,207,9,23,"How am I supposed to run a business, Robin, with no Wi-Fi?"
70140,207,9,23,"It's not a business, Barney, it's a blog, okay?"
70141,207,9,23,It is a lifestyle blog.
70142,207,9,23,"For the upscale, sophisticated urban gentleman, and it's never gonna take off if I can't post today's boner joke."
70143,207,9,23,I know I'm always traveling.
70144,207,9,23,"We both hate it when I'm gone, we both hate it when I drag you with me. Neither of us is happy."
70145,207,9,23,Is this just not working anymore?
70146,207,9,23,"Wait, w... What ""this""? This-this?"
70147,207,9,23,"If I gave you an out, right now... if there was an exit ramp right here at the three-year mark... would you take it?"
70148,207,9,23,"Before I answer that, real quick: you want to get super drunk and have s*x right now?"
70149,207,9,23,Of course.
70150,207,9,23,"And then, one thing led to another."
70151,207,9,23,And then another.
70152,207,9,23,And then another after that.
70153,207,9,23,Oh. Oh.
70154,207,9,23,"And we kept drinking, and may have had a little... too much."
70155,207,9,23,Arigato.
70156,207,9,23,"Wow, these rooms all look the same, even when you're sober."
70157,207,9,23,You're sober?
70158,207,9,23,"So, um... about what we discussed last night."
70159,207,9,23,How do you feel?
70160,207,9,23,"I love you, Robin."
70161,207,9,23,"And when we got married, I made a vow that I would always tell you the truth."
70162,207,9,23,We got divorced.
70163,207,9,23,I can't believe you got divorced without telling us.
70164,207,9,23,This is my mom and dad all over again.
70165,207,9,23,"Barney, if you start brewing your own beer now and nail my prom date, so help me..."
70166,207,9,23,"Years too late on one of those, Teddy."
70167,207,9,23,"Guys, it's okay."
70168,207,9,23,This isn't a failed marriage.
70169,207,9,23,It's a very successful marriage that happened to only last three years.
70170,207,9,23,You both want this?
70171,207,9,23,For real?
70172,207,9,23,We do.
70173,207,9,23,For real.
70174,207,9,23,"Lily, you okay?"
70175,207,9,23,Of course I'm not okay.
70176,207,9,23,This ruins everything.
70177,207,9,23,"Now we have to choose sides, and obviously we're gonna choose Robin, but Barney has his moments."
70178,207,9,23,MARSHALL: I really liked the boner joke of the day.
70179,207,9,23,"Look, you guys do not need to pick sides."
70180,207,9,23,Nothing has to change.
70181,207,9,23,"No. We've already broken up before and we've stayed friends, remember?"
70182,207,9,23,As long as you promise me this won't mean we stop hanging out.
70183,207,9,23,Okay.
70184,207,9,23,"I'm serious. I know, but, I mean, we hardly hang out anymore anyway."
70185,207,9,23,"They live in the suburbs now, and you two are about to have baby number three."
70186,207,9,23,Please. You're so obvious.
70187,207,9,23,"Your gals are back up to a full C-cup, and you've been sipping her drink all night long."
70188,207,9,23,We didn't want to announce anything till we knew for sure.
70189,207,9,23,"Oh, my gosh, Lily!"
70190,207,9,23,"That's amazing! Oh, congratulations!"
70191,207,9,23,"Oh, my God. Wait, see?"
70192,207,9,23,"This, right here, this is why we can't fall out of each other's lives."
70193,207,9,23,We have to be here for the big moments.
70194,207,9,23,"Just promise me, no matter what, we will always be there for the big moments."
70195,207,9,23,I-I promise. We'll-we'll always be there for the big moments.
70196,207,9,23,Mm. See?
70197,207,9,23,It's like this whole divorce thing never happened.
70198,207,9,23,(crying)
70199,207,9,23,I...
70200,207,9,23,"Hey. Hi, sweetie."
70201,207,9,23,How was work?
70202,207,9,23,"My-my boss only called me three words that meant ""vagina"" today."
70203,207,9,23,How are the kids? Asleep.
70204,207,9,23,"Good. This is working, right?"
70205,207,9,23,Marvin and Daisy sharing a room together? It's not too cramped?
70206,207,9,23,"And then when the next one arrives, we'll just put her crib... in the shower."
70207,207,9,23,It's the perfect size. It'll save time on cleanups...
70208,207,9,23,Let's move somewhere bigger.
70209,207,9,23,"Yes. Oh, thank God."
70210,207,9,23,"I mean... You know, don't get me wrong. I love this apartment."
70211,207,9,23,How do you say good-bye to so many special memories?
70212,207,9,23,Cock-a-mouse! We have to move!
70213,207,9,23,(dance music playing)
70214,207,9,23,(laughs)
70215,207,9,23,"Hey, Marshall. Robin!"
70216,207,9,23,"Hey, I'm so glad you're here. It's-it's been forever."
70217,207,9,23,"Oh, hey. Hey."
70218,207,9,23,Where's your... where's your costume?
70219,207,9,23,"Oh, uh, it's been a crazy week at work so no time to go shopping."
70220,207,9,23,"Uh, well, who are you supposed to be?"
70221,207,9,23,"Okay, I want to make it clear this is not my idea."
70222,207,9,23,I'm Captain Ahab.
70223,207,9,23,Why is it bad if it was your idea?
70224,207,9,23,"Robin, you made it! A white whale. Got it. (chuckles)"
70225,207,9,23,Aw. Hi. Hi.
70226,207,9,23,"Yeah, I figured, people are thinkin' it. Might as well steer into the skid, right?"
70227,207,9,23,Where's your costume?
70228,207,9,23,"Oh, you know, I've just been so..."
70229,207,9,23,(squealing)
70230,207,9,23,"Oh, my God, Marshall!"
70231,207,9,23,Guess whose digits I just scored?
70232,207,9,23,The slutty police officer's... tax attorney.
70233,207,9,23,"Hey, Robin!"
70234,207,9,23,Hey. Didn't see you there.
70235,207,9,23,(chuckling nervously)
70236,207,9,23,Saved it.
70237,207,9,23,"Sorry, I got to pee."
70238,207,9,23,I-I'll be back in... an hour.
70239,207,9,23,"Oh, man."
70240,207,9,23,Is Ted still wearing his hanging chad costume?
70241,207,9,23,How old is that thing? It's gone from played out to charmingly retro and back six or seven times now.
70242,207,9,23,Kind of like Ted himself.
70243,207,9,23,Tonight it's working for him though.
70244,207,9,23,"ROBIN: How do you do this, Ted? How do you sit out here all night on the roof in the cold and still have faith your pumpkin's gonna show up?"
70245,207,9,23,"Look, I know that odds are the love of my life isn't gonna magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at..."
70246,207,9,23,"2:43 in the morning, but... this seems as nice a spot as any to just, you know... sit and wait."
70247,207,9,23,"Um... uh, c-can you tell Lily I-I had to go?"
70248,207,9,23,I got to split.
70249,207,9,23,(sighs)
70250,207,9,23,"Speaking of splits, do you think I can do a split in midair like my boy David Lee Roth?"
70251,207,9,23,I know you can't.
70252,207,9,23,Challenge accepted.
70253,207,9,23,(exhales)
70254,207,9,23,"BARNEY: Oh, my scrotum!"
70255,207,9,23,(sighs)
70256,207,9,23,I can't get out of this thing.
70257,207,9,23,I'm holding it.
70258,207,9,23,"Wait, are you leaving? Yeah, I got a big day tomorrow. I got to get some sleep."
70259,207,9,23,"No, you can't leave. This is a big moment."
70260,207,9,23,We're saying good-bye to the apartment.
70261,207,9,23,The whole gang has to be here.
70262,207,9,23,The gang?
70263,207,9,23,"Do you know who the gang is to me, Lily?"
70264,207,9,23,"Here's what the gang is: the gang is a married couple who I never see anymore, about to have their third kid; it's my ex-husband, hitting on slutty cops right in front of me; and it's the guy I probably should have ended up with with the beautiful mother of his child."
70265,207,9,23,"I mean, who in their right mind would call that group of people ""the gang""?"
70266,207,9,23,Oh...
70267,207,9,23,"Oh, oh, so... so what?"
70268,207,9,23,This is all just over then?
70269,207,9,23,Our whole friendship is just over?
70270,207,9,23,"No. No, of course not. Look, we'll... we'll always be friends. It's just... never gonna be how it was."
70271,207,9,23,It can't be.
70272,207,9,23,And that doesn't have to be a sad thing.
70273,207,9,23,There-There's so much wonderful stuff happening in all of our lives right now.
70274,207,9,23,"Look, more than enough to be grateful for."
70275,207,9,23,"But the five of us hanging out at MacLaren's, being young and stupid..."
70276,207,9,23,(sighs) that's just not one of those things.
70277,207,9,23,That part's over.
70278,207,9,23,(sighs)
70279,207,9,23,I got to go.
70280,207,9,23,"Good night, Lily."
70281,207,9,23,Good night.
70282,207,9,23,(shuddering sigh)
70283,207,9,23,LILY: Marshall's almost here.
70284,207,9,23,"Yes! Look at us, hanging out again. This is amazing."
70285,207,9,23,This is awesome!
70286,207,9,23,This is... (roaring)
70287,207,9,23,(laughing): Okay.
70288,207,9,23,"Just settle down, buddy. No!"
70289,207,9,23,Settling down is for losers with kids who never go out anymore.
70290,207,9,23,"I am in charge tonight, and the earliest I am allowing anyone to go home is..."
70291,207,9,23,2:00 a.m.
70292,207,9,23,10:00 p.m.
70293,207,9,23,9:45.
70294,207,9,23,3:00 a.m.
70295,207,9,23,"Guys, tonight is gonna be legen... wait for it..."
70296,207,9,23,"If I leave now, I could put the kids to bed."
70297,207,9,23,I'll get the check.
70298,207,9,23,..dary!
70299,207,9,23,Legendary!
70300,207,9,23,"Guys, the gang is back!"
70301,207,9,23,We're back!
70302,207,9,23,"(sputtering, shouting)"
70303,207,9,23,All of us except for Robin.
70304,207,9,23,We never see her anymore.
70305,207,9,23,"Okay, in addition to you guys not going home before 4:00 a.m.-- yes, it's up to 4:00 now... new rule: anytime anyone talks about something sad, we stay out an extra hour."
70306,207,9,23,We said we'd always be there for the big moments.
70307,207,9,23,"5:00 a.m. To be fair, tonight's just us hanging out until 10:00 p.m., tops."
70308,207,9,23,It's not a big moment.
70309,207,9,23,"BARNEY: Um, yes, it is. Um, no, it's not."
70310,207,9,23,"Um, yes, it is. Um... no, it's not."
70311,207,9,23,"Um, yes, it is."
70312,207,9,23,I got a phone call today.
70313,207,9,23,"A judge in Queens is retiring, so..."
70314,207,9,23,I'm gonna be a judge.
70315,207,9,23,(gasps)
70316,207,9,23,(shouting)
70317,207,9,23,Yes! Yes!
70318,207,9,23,(laughing)
70319,207,9,23,Judge Eriksen!
70320,207,9,23,Yeah!
70321,207,9,23,(chuckling) One more.
70322,207,9,23,I told you the phone would ring. You deserve this.
70323,207,9,23,"Thanks, Lily."
70324,207,9,23,"I love you, Marshmallow. TED: Oh."
70325,207,9,23,1:45 a.m.
70326,207,9,23,"Well, you were right, Barney, this night was, in fact, legendary, but..."
70327,207,9,23,I know what you're gonna say and I agree.
70328,207,9,23,We're going to Vegas!
70329,207,9,23,TED: I will be awakened by screaming children in less than...
70330,207,9,23,(crying): four-and-a-half hours.
70331,207,9,23,BARNEY: You're staying.
70332,207,9,23,I'm going.
70333,207,9,23,"Judge Fudge, your very first ruling?"
70334,207,9,23,(deep voice): He stays.
70335,207,9,23,Hey! See?
70336,207,9,23,Tonight is about celebrating our enduring bond as friends.
70337,207,9,23,"Nay, family. Because that's what we are, Ted."
70338,207,9,23,We are fa...
70339,207,9,23,"Okay, fun night, guys. Keep in touch."
70340,207,9,23,"Damn it, Barney."
70341,207,9,23,(choking)
70342,207,9,23,(strained): Crushing... windpipe.
70343,207,9,23,You're lucky that's the only pipe I'm crushing.
70344,207,9,23,Aah! That woman is half your age.
70345,207,9,23,"Haven't you changed, even a little?"
70346,207,9,23,No. I haven't.
70347,207,9,23,"Look, I know there was a time when it seemed like I was capable of going the distance, but... if it wasn't gonna happen with Robin, then it's just not gonna happen with anyone."
70348,207,9,23,"I am never gonna be a guy who meets a girl and, from the first time I see her, I'm just like, ""You are the love of my life."
70349,207,9,23,"""Everything I have and everything I am is yours forever."""
70350,207,9,23,Really?
70351,207,9,23,"No, I'm just making a point. Move it along."
70352,207,9,23,That's not me.
70353,207,9,23,"I'm the guy who straightens his tie, says something dirty, high-fives himself and then goes and talks to that girl over there."
70354,207,9,23,That's me.
70355,207,9,23,Can I please... just be me?
70356,207,9,23,Judge Fudge?
70357,207,9,23,I'll allow it.
70358,207,9,23,Then I'll a-plow it. Self-five.
70359,207,9,23,Stinson out.
70360,207,9,23,(rock music playing)
70361,207,9,23,(cheering)
70362,207,9,23,Oh!
70363,207,9,23,"(whoops) MARSHALL: Hey, so are you guys ever gonna tie the knot or are you... are you just comfortable living in sin?"
70364,207,9,23,Someone's gotten a bit... judge-y. Oh!
70365,207,9,23,Sustained. THE MOTHER: Yeah.
70366,207,9,23,"We'll get around to it. It's just, you know, with life and jobs and kids."
70367,207,9,23,"Plus, this one's still insisting on getting married in a French castle."
70368,207,9,23,"I'd get married tomorrow in a White Castle, but this guy needs more ""wow factor."""
70369,207,9,23,You're all the wow factor I need.
70370,207,9,23,BARNEY: Aw!
70371,207,9,23,(mimics retching)
70372,207,9,23,Glad someone can be happy on the day of a tragedy.
70373,207,9,23,"LILY: Aw, Barney, you know this is all fake, right?"
70374,207,9,23,That robot's not really dead.
70375,207,9,23,(laughter)
70376,207,9,23,"I'm not talking about the robot, Lily. Everyone, stop having fun! I'm about to tell a sad story!"
70377,207,9,23,"Guys, remember back in 2010 when I achieved a perfect week?"
70378,207,9,23,"Seven girls in seven nights, sure."
70379,207,9,23,"BARNEY: Well, recently, I decided to attempt... a perfect month."
70380,207,9,23,I put together a brand-new playbook.
70381,207,9,23,"No, I can't hear this. This is just too sad."
70382,207,9,23,But I haven't gotten to the sad part yet.
70383,207,9,23,You're in your 40s and you have a playbook.
70384,207,9,23,That's the sad part.
70385,207,9,23,Lily... just...
70386,207,9,23,Okay?
70387,207,9,23,"So I put together a brand-new playbook, filled with plays I'd never tried before, like..."
70388,207,9,23,"...where, as in the '80s classic, I magically come to life, if you know what I mean."
70389,207,9,23,...where I wait till a girl mentions something she likes.
70390,207,9,23,"God, I love nachos."
70391,207,9,23,Thank you.
70392,207,9,23,Allow me to introduce myself.
70393,207,9,23,"My name is Jim, Jim Nacho."
70394,207,9,23,Inventor of the nacho.
70395,207,9,23,So... did you get a perfect month?
70396,207,9,23,Yes.
70397,207,9,23,Then why are you so upset?
70398,207,9,23,"That last girl, number 31..."
70399,207,9,23,"Oh, that's a pretty name. What is that, French?"
70400,207,9,23,...she's pregnant.
70401,207,9,23,"Wait, you're messing with us, right?"
70402,207,9,23,You didn't really get a girl pregnant?
70403,207,9,23,It's real.
70404,207,9,23,She's pregnant.
70405,207,9,23,"Kinda puts an asterisk, on the whole perfect month thing, huh?"
70406,207,9,23,"Barney, are you okay?"
70407,207,9,23,"Ah, Jim Nantz."
70408,207,9,23,Thank goodness. You're always here for me in times of trouble.
70409,207,9,23,What should I do?
70410,207,9,23,"You're on your own this time, bro."
70411,207,9,23,"Congratulations, Papa."
70412,207,9,23,Stop it. This is a disaster.
70413,207,9,23,Why?
70414,207,9,23,Why? Because I'm too old.
70415,207,9,23,"I was about to enter my golden years, my Clooney years, my daddy issues years, where I don't just remind messed-up girls of their dads because I'm emotionally distant."
70416,207,9,23,I freaking look like their dads. That's the dream.
70417,207,9,23,My life is over.
70418,207,9,23,So where are you guys registered?
70419,207,9,23,"TED: Another fun fact about the Goliath National Bank building, the sleek but historical facade has been described by Architecture Vision Monthly as ""modern classicism."""
70420,207,9,23,I can see that.
70421,207,9,23,Mm-hmm. Any questions from the group?
70422,207,9,23,I have a question.
70423,207,9,23,What happened to the building that used to be here?
70424,207,9,23,It was way nicer.
70425,207,9,23,Robin!
70426,207,9,23,"Oh, my God!"
70427,207,9,23,What are you doing here?
70428,207,9,23,I thought you were in...
70429,207,9,23,"Greece, uh, Morocco, Moscow."
70430,207,9,23,"Yeah, World Wide News keeps me pretty busy."
70431,207,9,23,And pretty famous.
70432,207,9,23,"I mean, you're everywhere."
70433,207,9,23,I am not everywhere. The...
70434,207,9,23,"Okay, I'm some places."
70435,207,9,23,"(laughs): Hi, Penny."
70436,207,9,23,"Oh, my gosh, I haven't seen you in forever."
70437,207,9,23,"I like you, bus lady. Oh, I like you, too."
70438,207,9,23,Never call me that again.
70439,207,9,23,(giggles)
70440,207,9,23,And that was it.
70441,207,9,23,Wow. Hm.
70442,207,9,23,A genuine Scherbatsky sighting out in nature.
70443,207,9,23,"At this point, that's like seeing Sasquatch."
70444,207,9,23,"No, Sasquatch is a warm and affectionate creature."
70445,207,9,23,"At this point, Robin's more like the yeti... cold and aloof."
70446,207,9,23,"Hey, Ted."
70447,207,9,23,Ask me if the Abominable Snowman called.
70448,207,9,23,Has the Abominable Snowman called?
70449,207,9,23,Not yeti.
70450,207,9,23,Here we are again.
70451,207,9,23,"Another big moment for us, and Robin's missing it."
70452,207,9,23,"MARSHALL: I know, baby."
70453,207,9,23,"I mean, the birth of her ex-husband's love child is a bit of a stretch... but I know, baby."
70454,207,9,23,(sighs)
70455,207,9,23,Well?
70456,207,9,23,"It was... crazy in there, but..."
70457,207,9,23,"I threw up, and now I feel better."
70458,207,9,23,Where were you?
70459,207,9,23,"In the can. I knew I was gonna urp, so I put this on over my suit."
70460,207,9,23,Number 31 won't let me in the delivery room.
70461,207,9,23,We're gonna need a name eventually.
70462,207,9,23,Mr. Stinson?
70463,207,9,23,Yes? Congratulations.
70464,207,9,23,Congratulations because the blood test came back and I'm not the father?!
70465,207,9,23,Happy Not a Father's Day!
70466,207,9,23,No. Congratulations.
70467,207,9,23,It's a girl.
70468,207,9,23,Would you like to meet her?
70469,207,9,23,"Nah, I'm good."
70470,207,9,23,"I don't... Oh, just go meet your daughter!"
70471,207,9,23,This is Ellie.
70472,207,9,23,I'll give you guys a minute.
70473,207,9,23,♪
70474,207,9,23,You are the love of my life.
70475,207,9,23,(trembling breath)
70476,207,9,23,Everything I have... and everything I am...
70477,207,9,23,...is yours.
70478,207,9,23,(gasping breath)
70479,207,9,23,Forever.
70480,207,9,23,What?
70481,207,9,23,Do I have stuff in my teeth?
70482,207,9,23,Give me your engagement ring back.
70483,207,9,23,Just because I have stuff in my teeth?
70484,207,9,23,We-we can work through this.
70485,207,9,23,(laughs): Just give it back.
70486,207,9,23,(clears throat)
70487,207,9,23,"If you don't get married in that time, you have to re-propose."
70488,207,9,23,Will you...
70489,207,9,23,"Yes. Yes, you silly man."
70490,207,9,23,Let me finish.
70491,207,9,23,Will you...
70492,207,9,23,Yes! Sorry.
70493,207,9,23,Yes.
70494,207,9,23,Will y...
70495,207,9,23,Will you marry me... on Thursday?
70496,207,9,23,I called your office... you got nothing on Thursday.
70497,207,9,23,Will you marry me on Thursday?
70498,207,9,23,Yes.
70499,207,9,23,(laughs)
70500,207,9,23,(groans)
70501,207,9,23,Same ring.
70502,207,9,23,(laughs)
70503,207,9,23,LILY: I can't believe it.
70504,207,9,23,It's Ted Mosby's wedding day!
70505,207,9,23,Yes! After only seven years and two kids.
70506,207,9,23,"Guys, am I rushing into this?"
70507,207,9,23,Whoa.
70508,207,9,23,"Oh, buddy, are you okay?"
70509,207,9,23,So tired.
70510,207,9,23,Baby no sleepy.
70511,207,9,23,Barney dying.
70512,207,9,23,"Well, we're staying out till"
70513,207,9,23,3:00 a.m. tonight.
70514,207,9,23,9:45!
70515,207,9,23,"Seriously, though, I am so proud of you."
70516,207,9,23,Not that you're a dad.
70517,207,9,23,It's like you're a totally different pers... Whoa!
70518,207,9,23,And... we're back.
70519,207,9,23,Hey.
70520,207,9,23,Hi. What to join us for shots?
70521,207,9,23,(chuckles): Shots?
70522,207,9,23,Before lunch on a Thursday?
70523,207,9,23,It's like you're trying to make bad decisions.
70524,207,9,23,"You young ladies need to go home, put on some decent clothes and take a good hard look at your lives. Get!"
70525,207,9,23,Call your parents... they're probably worried sick.
70526,207,9,23,I have officially seen everything.
70527,207,9,23,Not everything.
70528,207,9,23,Hi. Hi.
70529,207,9,23,"I-I know I've... missed a couple lately, but... we said we'd always be there for the big moments."
70530,207,9,23,"Aw, crap."
70531,207,9,23,Mascara running.
70532,207,9,23,Nobody let her out of your sight.
70533,207,9,23,"Hi, Daddy. Whoa."
70534,207,9,23,"Look, Robin, I'm really happy to see you, but I don't think of you that way anymore."
70535,207,9,23,", dummy, you had a kid."
70536,207,9,23,"Congrats. Right, yeah."
70537,207,9,23,Thanks. A kid.
70538,207,9,23,I'm tired.
70539,207,9,23,"Oh. But, uh, she's awesome. Yeah?"
70540,207,9,23,Yeah.
70541,207,9,23,Daddy's home.
70542,207,9,23,Mm.
70543,207,9,23,Judge Fudge? Hey?
70544,207,9,23,(laughs) Hey...
70545,207,9,23,"Actually, um, little announcement for everybody."
70546,207,9,23,I'm gonna be running for State Supreme Court.
70547,207,9,23,"Yeah. So if everything goes well, in a couple of months, you won't be calling me Judge Fudge anymore."
70548,207,9,23,You'll be calling me Fudge Supreme.
70549,207,9,23,(others chuckling)
70550,207,9,23,The man of the hour.
70551,207,9,23,Yeah.
70552,207,9,23,You RSVP'd no.
70553,207,9,23,I did.
70554,207,9,23,But someone pretty persuasive talked me into it.
70555,207,9,23,♪
70556,207,9,23,Sorry. I know it's bad luck to see the bride in her dress.
70557,207,9,23,Worth it.
70558,207,9,23,But I couldn't miss this.
70559,207,9,23,I want to get a picture.
70560,207,9,23,Get in! I want to take a picture of you guys.
70561,207,9,23,"Come on, get together."
70562,207,9,23,Are you ready?
70563,207,9,23,"All right, get in. All right. All right."
70564,207,9,23,"One, two, three."
70565,207,9,23,(shutter clicks)
70566,207,9,23,♪
70567,207,9,23,"Hey. Hey, you kids."
70568,207,9,23,"Yeah, you didn't sound a thousand there."
70569,207,9,23,Do you have any idea what happened right here in this very bar?
70570,207,9,23,No. What happened?
70571,207,9,23,(chuckles)
70572,207,9,23,Just...
70573,207,9,23,...just all kinds of stuff.
70574,207,9,23,A toast.
70575,207,9,23,Mm-hmm.
70576,207,9,23,"Okay, first off... to everyone at this table..."
70577,207,9,23,"...I love you guys so much, I can't even..."
70578,207,9,23,"Just move to the second part. Okay, okay."
70579,207,9,23,"Secondly, to Ted..."
70580,207,9,23,Don't say it.
70581,207,9,23,OTHERS: ...Evelyn Mosby.
70582,207,9,23,Thank you for that.
70583,207,9,23,A man with... more emotional endurance than anyone I know.
70584,207,9,23,"It was a long, difficult road."
70585,207,9,23,Thank God we finally got here.
70586,207,9,23,"Hear, hear."
70587,207,9,23,"OTHERS: Hear, hear."
70588,207,9,23,
70589,207,9,23,NARRATOR: Aunt Lily wasn't wrong.
70590,207,9,23,"It was at times a long, difficult road."
70591,207,9,23,"But I'm glad it was long and difficult, because if I hadn't gone through hell to get there, the lesson might not have been as clear."
70592,207,9,23,"You see, kids, right from the moment I met your mom, I knew..."
70593,207,9,23,"I have to love this woman as much as I can for as long as I can, and I can never stop loving her, not even for a second."
70594,207,9,23,"I carried that lesson with me through every stupid fight we ever had, every 5:00 a.m. Christmas morning, every sleepy Sunday afternoon, through every speed bump."
70595,207,9,23,"Every pang of jealousy or boredom or uncertainty that came our way, I carried that lesson with me."
70596,207,9,23,And I carried it with me when she got sick.
70597,207,9,23,"Even then, in what can only be called the worst of times, all I could do was thank God, thank every god there is, or ever was, or will be, and the whole universe, and anyone else I can possibly thank..."
70598,207,9,23,♪ Will I see you tonight?
70599,207,9,23,"...that I saw that beautiful girl on that train platform, and that I had the guts to stand up, walk over to her, tap her on the shoulder, open my mouth, and speak."
70600,207,9,23,Excuse me. Hi. Hi.
70601,207,9,23,"I'm the... The best man. Yeah. Get in here, get in here, get in here. Oh, thanks. Here, let me."
70602,207,9,23,"Oh, okay. Thank you."
70603,207,9,23,"Great show tonight. Yeah. Oh, thank you."
70604,207,9,23,"You're Cindy's ex-roommate, right?"
70605,207,9,23,Yeah. And you are the professor.
70606,207,9,23,I took one of your classes.
70607,207,9,23,Really? Which one? Mm-hmm.
70608,207,9,23,Econ 305.
70609,207,9,23,Econ 305. I don't teach...
70610,207,9,23,"Oh, no."
70611,207,9,23,"Oh, yeah."
70612,207,9,23,"Excuse me, I'm gonna jump onto the tracks now. - No."
70613,207,9,23,"No, no, no, don't. You were great, you were great."
70614,207,9,23,Wait a second.
70615,207,9,23,This is my umbrella.
70616,207,9,23,I left this umbrella at Cindy's... you totally stole my umbrella.
70617,207,9,23,"(laughs): What? No, I didn't."
70618,207,9,23,This is my umbrella. I bought this.
70619,207,9,23,Excuse me. It even has my initials on it right here: T.M.
70620,207,9,23,Ted Mosby.
70621,207,9,23,"Yeah. Look again, Ted Mosby."
70622,207,9,23,Those are my initials: T.M.
70623,207,9,23,"Tracy McConnell. Um, no, Tracy McConnell, it's T.M.--"
70624,207,9,23,Totally My umbrella.
70625,207,9,23,"Uh, your T.M.--"
70626,207,9,23,"Terribly Mistaken, because this umbrella has always belonged T.M.: To Me."
70627,207,9,23,(laughs)
70628,207,9,23,Although... I did lose it for a few years there.
70629,207,9,23,"Um... so, I went to this dance club..."
70630,207,9,23,On St. Patrick's Day.
70631,207,9,23,...on St. Patrick's Day.
70632,207,9,23,And you left it there.
70633,207,9,23,And I left it there.
70634,207,9,23,And you never thought you'd see it again.
70635,207,9,23,And I never thought I'd see it again.
70636,207,9,23,Funny how sometimes you just... find things.
70637,207,9,23,♪ Will I see you tonight?
70638,207,9,23,Hi.
70639,207,9,23,(laughs): Hi.
70640,207,9,23,♪
70641,207,9,23,♪ Every night
70642,207,9,23,♪ It's just the same ♪
70643,207,9,23,♪ All upon a downtown train.
70644,207,9,23,"And that, kids... is how I met your mother."
70645,207,9,23,That's it?
70646,207,9,23,That's it.
70647,207,9,23,No. I don't buy it.
70648,207,9,23,That is not the reason you made us listen to this.
70649,207,9,23,"Oh, really?"
70650,207,9,23,Then what's the reason?
70651,207,9,23,Let's look at the facts here.
70652,207,9,23,You made us sit down and listen to this story about how you met mom.
70653,207,9,23,Yet mom's hardly in the story. No.
70654,207,9,23,This is a story about how you're totally in love with Aunt Robin.
70655,207,9,23,"And you're thinking about asking her out, and you want to know if we're okay with it."
70656,207,9,23,I can't believe this.
70657,207,9,23,"I kept this story short and to the point, and you guys still missed it."
70658,207,9,23,The point of the story is that...
70659,207,9,23,"Is that you totally, totally, totally have the hots for Aunt Robin."
70660,207,9,23,"No, I don't."
70661,207,9,23,"Yes, you do."
70662,207,9,23,You're grounded.
70663,207,9,23,"Wow, you are really into Aunt Robin."
70664,207,9,23,"You're grounded, too."
70665,207,9,23,"Okay, suppose I were interested in Aunt Robin in that way... it's not like I'd do anything about it."
70666,207,9,23,"I got you guys to think about. My gosh, we love Aunt Robin."
70667,207,9,23,"Whenever she comes over for dinner, you guys are so obvious."
70668,207,9,23,"Come on, Dad."
70669,207,9,23,Mom's been gone for six years now.
70670,207,9,23,It's time.
70671,207,9,23,"What, I just... just call her up on the phone and ask her out on a date?"
70672,207,9,23,Yes. Yes.
70673,207,9,23,And that... that's something you guys would want?
70674,207,9,23,Yes! Yes!
70675,207,9,23,"All right, I'll give her a call."
70676,207,9,23,Do it. I am.
70677,207,9,23,Call her. I'm calling her.
70678,207,9,23,Great.
70679,207,9,23,Here I go.
70680,207,9,23,Or...
70681,207,9,23,♪
70682,207,9,23,"All right, home sweet home."
70683,207,9,23,Oh. Wait one second.
70684,207,9,23,Okay.
70685,207,9,23,Stay.
70686,207,9,23,(sighs): We'll work on that.
70687,207,9,23,(intercom chimes)
70688,207,9,23,"Television, display front door security."
70689,207,9,23,(sighs)
70690,207,9,23,"Television, dis..."
70691,207,9,23,"Oh, for Pete's sakes."
70692,207,9,23,♪ May come and go
70693,207,9,23,♪ Our crooked dreams
70694,207,9,23,♪ Will always flow
70695,207,9,23,♪ Remember
70696,207,9,23,♪ Remem...
70697,207,9,23,♪ Ber
70698,207,9,23,♪ All we fight for
70699,207,9,23,♪ Remember
70700,207,9,23,♪ Remem...
70701,207,9,23,♪ Ber
70702,207,9,23,♪ All we fight for
70703,207,9,23,♪ Remember
70704,207,9,23,♪ Remem...
70705,207,9,23,♪ Ber
70706,207,9,23,♪ All we fight for
70707,208,9,24,So?
70708,208,9,24,(whispers): No.
70709,208,9,24,No. You-You were in.
70710,208,9,24,"I said, ""Have you met Ted"" and everything."
70711,208,9,24,"How could that not work? I don't know, we introduced ourselves, I bought her a drink, told her I loved her..."
70712,208,9,24,What? I'm kidding.
70713,208,9,24,"Hold on, Roxanne-- if that really is your name."
70714,208,9,24,It's not. It's Robin.
70715,208,9,24,"You played ""Have You Met Ted"" without me?"
70716,208,9,24,In my bar with my Ted?
70717,208,9,24,Maybe stealing a bro's wingman is okay back in...
70718,208,9,24,"I'm sorry, what's the name of this third world banana republic you claim to be from?"
70719,208,9,24,Canada.
70720,208,9,24,I have literally never heard of that place.
70721,208,9,24,"When'd you move here, anyway?"
70722,208,9,24,Two months ago.
70723,208,9,24,"How do you like it? Honestly, it-it's been a little tough."
70724,208,9,24,"I moved here for this on-air reporter job at Metro News 1 thinking it was gonna be my big break, only to find out that our viewership mostly consists of DMV waiting rooms and people plugging in their TV for the first time."
70725,208,9,24,(chuckles)
70726,208,9,24,"To top it all off, I have no friends."
70727,208,9,24,Um... wrong.
70728,208,9,24,You have four friends right here.
70729,208,9,24,"Right, guys? Uh, yeah."
70730,208,9,24,"You're totally in our gang, now. And once you're in, you're in for life, right?"
70731,208,9,24,She's in. Oh. All right.
70732,208,9,24,She's in. Welcome.
70733,208,9,24,"Well, if I'm in, I should get the next round."
70734,208,9,24,"Whoa, whoa, Ooh, I like this girl. ho, ho."
70735,208,9,24,"I'm serious, I like this girl."
70736,208,9,24,And we need some estrogen up in this bitch.
70737,208,9,24,All we ever talk about is Scotch and sports.
70738,208,9,24,"Five Glen McKennas, 21 years, neat."
70739,208,9,24,"And switch it to the hockey game, 'cause my Canucks are gonna bury the Bruins, yo."
70740,208,9,24,So here's the deal with the deal.
70741,208,9,24,Robin's my new best friend... nobody bangs her.
70742,208,9,24,"Hey, hey, hey, she only rejected me three times, she's still very much in play."
70743,208,9,24,I'm serious.
70744,208,9,24,There's only one way I'd let either of you have s*x with her.
70745,208,9,24,(gasps)
70746,208,9,24,Not that. It's never that.
70747,208,9,24,I really want this girl to stay a part of our lives.
70748,208,9,24,So the only way you're allowed to hook up with her... is if you marry her.
70749,208,9,24,Too rich for my blood.
70750,208,9,24,TED: That son of a bitch did it.
70751,208,9,24,He really did.
70752,208,9,24,"So you're moving to Chicago tomorrow, huh?"
70753,208,9,24,How do you feel?
70754,208,9,24,"Uh, I'm looking forward to it."
70755,208,9,24,The job's amazing.
70756,208,9,24,I got a great apartment lined up.
70757,208,9,24,"You know, it's..."
70758,208,9,24,It's exciting.
70759,208,9,24,Onwards and upwar...
70760,208,9,24,♪
70761,208,9,24,♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x23 ♪
70762,208,9,24,"Last Forever, Part 1"
70763,208,9,24,"Original Air Date on March 31, 2014"
70764,208,9,24,♪
70765,208,9,24,BARNEY: Hey! Bass player.
70766,208,9,24,"It's me. The guy from the drug store with the diapers that hit on you, then we went outside and had a deep, emotional talk on a bus bench."
70767,208,9,24,I ...I-I'm gonna be really surprised if I have to be more specific than that.
70768,208,9,24,Remember when you told me to stop messing around and go get the girl?
70769,208,9,24,"Well, check it. I got her."
70770,208,9,24,(chuckles)
70771,208,9,24,What about you? You still dating that guy?
70772,208,9,24,"Grape Scotch Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted."
70773,208,9,24,"Right here, right here, Yeah, I-I see you, Barney. right here, right here."
70774,208,9,24,"Good, great. Then it's time to play a little game I like to call Have... Yeah, Barney, I... No, no."
70775,208,9,24,You are not getting out of Have You Met Ted.
70776,208,9,24,There's a girl that you have to meet.
70777,208,9,24,"She is perfect for you. And has... she met you? No, she has... not."
70778,208,9,24,Think of all the s*x you're gonna ha..
70779,208,9,24,Barney.
70780,208,9,24,I ha... I have to go.
70781,208,9,24,"What, now?"
70782,208,9,24,Yeah.
70783,208,9,24,Y...
70784,208,9,24,W-We have to do this outside.
70785,208,9,24,Robin.
70786,208,9,24,It's been a major pleasure.
70787,208,9,24,Major Pleasure. Major Pleasure.
70788,208,9,24,(chuckles)
70789,208,9,24,Come here.
70790,208,9,24,(whispers): Congratulations.
70791,208,9,24,(whispers): Thank you.
70792,208,9,24,"Oh, God, no, this is too real."
70793,208,9,24,"I can't handle this, Marshall's next."
70794,208,9,24,Marshall.
70795,208,9,24,Good luck out there in Chicago.
70796,208,9,24,"I'm gonna be kind of jealous of you, getting to have Gazzola's pizza whenever you want."
70797,208,9,24,You're gonna be in Rome.
70798,208,9,24,Yeah. I guess.
70799,208,9,24,I just...
70800,208,9,24,I feel like a hug isn't enough.
70801,208,9,24,E.T. good-bye?
70802,208,9,24,(imitating E.T.): I'll be right... here.
70803,208,9,24,"Okay, it helped, but that was really creepy."
70804,208,9,24,I don't want to see you for awhile.
70805,208,9,24,(laughs)
70806,208,9,24,Barney.
70807,208,9,24,Mm.
70808,208,9,24,We licked the Liberty Bell.
70809,208,9,24,We did?
70810,208,9,24,"Yeah, you..."
70811,208,9,24,You don't remember that?
70812,208,9,24,"Uh, I've done a lot of cool stuff, Ted."
70813,208,9,24,"Oh, my God."
70814,208,9,24,I just... I just realized: Who am I gonna high five now?
70815,208,9,24,"(laughs) Come on, dude. No, no, I'm being serious. What if I see... a pack of lions fighting a tyrannosaurus?"
70816,208,9,24,"Or, better yet, what if I see boobs?"
70817,208,9,24,Who am I... who am I gonna high five then?
70818,208,9,24,You can high five Marshall.
70819,208,9,24,"Yeah, yeah. But Marshall only likes to high five about Lily boobs."
70820,208,9,24,"Oh, always."
70821,208,9,24,"Okay, Barney."
70822,208,9,24,I have an idea.
70823,208,9,24,One last high five.
70824,208,9,24,A high five to echo throughout eternity.
70825,208,9,24,Yes.
70826,208,9,24,And within that high five will be all the high fives we've ever high fived.
70827,208,9,24,And all the high fives we could ever possibly high five.
70828,208,9,24,A high infinity.
70829,208,9,24,"A high infinity, exactly."
70830,208,9,24,Let's do this.
70831,208,9,24,"All right, everybody back up."
70832,208,9,24,"Oh, boy."
70833,208,9,24,"I'll see you on the other side, Ray."
70834,208,9,24,"Nice working with you, Dr. Venkman."
70835,208,9,24,(Ted and Barney growling)
70836,208,9,24,TED and BARNEY: Aah!
70837,208,9,24,(slap) Ow! Ow!
70838,208,9,24,Oh. Oh. Oh!
70839,208,9,24,Worth it.
70840,208,9,24,So worth it.
70841,208,9,24,(short laugh)
70842,208,9,24,"So I rushed out to make the train, which is now 45 minutes late."
70843,208,9,24,This lady with the bass guitar... was she pretty?
70844,208,9,24,♪
70845,208,9,24,Yeah.
70846,208,9,24,She was beautiful.
70847,208,9,24,Go back and meet her.
70848,208,9,24,No.
70849,208,9,24,But what if it was destiny?
70850,208,9,24,"Lady, it's been a really long weekend."
70851,208,9,24,I'm moving to Chicago tomorrow.
70852,208,9,24,I can't really talk destiny right now.
70853,208,9,24,Okay.
70854,208,9,24,Yes?
70855,208,9,24,What if the universe sent you a gigantic sign that this woman
70856,208,9,24,was your destiny?
70857,208,9,24,Then would you talk to her?
70858,208,9,24,"Yeah, sure. I mean, I-I guess I would have to."
70859,208,9,24,Okay.
70860,208,9,24,Okay.
70861,208,9,24,Where is that train?
70862,208,9,24,Can I ask one more question?
70863,208,9,24,What?
70864,208,9,24,This girl with the bass guitar... is that her?
70865,208,9,24,"That is her, isn't it?"
70866,208,9,24,(whoops)
70867,208,9,24,This is so exciting.
70868,208,9,24,G-Go talk to her.
70869,208,9,24,"(whispers): All right. Just be cool, lady. Damn."
70870,208,9,24,Why are you still sitting here?
70871,208,9,24,"Because I'm moving to Chicago tomorrow, remember?"
70872,208,9,24,"And 24 hours from now, my life is gonna be completely different."
70873,208,9,24,"MARSHALL: This is so strange, you know, now that Ted's gone, it's just a... a different vibe."
70874,208,9,24,You can just f-feel his absence.
70875,208,9,24,Are you kidding me?!
70876,208,9,24,"Oh, hey."
70877,208,9,24,"Ted, what are you doing here?"
70878,208,9,24,Just having a drink.
70879,208,9,24,What are you doing in New York?
70880,208,9,24,Aren't you supposed to be in Chicago?
70881,208,9,24,No... Oh.
70882,208,9,24,"Yeah, I'm not doing that."
70883,208,9,24,What? What?
70884,208,9,24,I'm not moving to Chicago. Why?
70885,208,9,24,I met a girl. You... son of a bitch!
70886,208,9,24,What is the matter with you?
70887,208,9,24,How could you put us through that?
70888,208,9,24,That good-bye was emotionally devastating.
70889,208,9,24,A certain delicate flower cried all night in the shower.
70890,208,9,24,"And I was pretty bummed, too."
70891,208,9,24,And now you're staying because of some girl?
70892,208,9,24,"I mean, who is this person?"
70893,208,9,24,The bass player from the wedding band.
70894,208,9,24,"Oh, yeah, she's great."
70895,208,9,24,(gasps)
70896,208,9,24,"Love her. Right, right?"
70897,208,9,24,What are you... What are you doing? Calling her.
70898,208,9,24,Don't do this. Don't call her the next day.
70899,208,9,24,You're blowing this. Huh?
70900,208,9,24,"Three days. You wait three days, Ted. Oh, the three day rule is-is a childish, manipulative mind game."
70901,208,9,24,"But yeah, you wait three days."
70902,208,9,24,"H-Hey, it's Ted. Hi. Um, listen, do you ... do you want to have dinner tomorrow night?"
70903,208,9,24,Great.
70904,208,9,24,"It was clear I meant with me, right?"
70905,208,9,24,Same answer. Solid.
70906,208,9,24,MARSHALL: Why does he keep doing this?
70907,208,9,24,"He meets 'em, he likes 'em way too much, he goes way too big, too soon, and he ends up blowing it."
70908,208,9,24,I can't take this anymore.
70909,208,9,24,He's fallen in love so many times now.
70910,208,9,24,Not like this.
70911,208,9,24,This is different.
70912,208,9,24,"Come on, go talk to her."
70913,208,9,24,"Oh, and it'll all be because of me."
70914,208,9,24,And I'll sing at your wedding. (laughs)
70915,208,9,24,"Y-You are gonna have a big wedding, right?"
70916,208,9,24,"What? No. Just be cool, lady. Damn."
70917,208,9,24,(sighs) And aren't big weddings kind of a young man's game?
70918,208,9,24,You don't have a big wedding in your 30s.
70919,208,9,24,"If I do ever get married, I'm keeping it simple."
70920,208,9,24,BARNEY: A hot air balloon?
70921,208,9,24,"Well, yeah. I mean, when you're getting married in a 17th-century castle in France and making your entrance on a stagecoach with six white horses, you kind of got to make a big exit. (chuckles)"
70922,208,9,24,How much are you spending on this?
70923,208,9,24,"Oh, like, a lot of money."
70924,208,9,24,Mm. All of my money.
70925,208,9,24,"Look, I know you guys have been traveling a lot, but you're coming, right?"
70926,208,9,24,Oh course. What... Duh.
70927,208,9,24,(short laugh)
70928,208,9,24,(quiet laugh)
70929,208,9,24,I'll get the next round.
70930,208,9,24,Thanks.
70931,208,9,24,"I'd offer, but..."
70932,208,9,24,Castle.
70933,208,9,24,Yeah.
70934,208,9,24,"So, how you guys doing?"
70935,208,9,24,"I mean, Robin's really taking off at work, huh?"
70936,208,9,24,"It's like, ""Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News, Caracas."""
70937,208,9,24,"""Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News, St. Petersburg."""
70938,208,9,24,"""Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News, anywhere but New York, apparently."" (laughs)"
70939,208,9,24,But it's great.
70940,208,9,24,"Uh, it's makes things super difficult for us, but it's great. It's great."
70941,208,9,24,It's great. It's great.
70942,208,9,24,One more and I'll believe you.
70943,208,9,24,It's great. (laughs)
70944,208,9,24,Sounds great.
70945,208,9,24,"Hey. Hi, hi. Sorry I'm late."
70946,208,9,24,Can I talk to you for a minute?
70947,208,9,24,"Yeah, sure. Did you wire the down payment to the castle guy?"
70948,208,9,24,I got a castle guy.
70949,208,9,24,"I've got, like, three castle guys."
70950,208,9,24,"And a moat guy, so..."
70951,208,9,24,I didn't wire the payment because I don't think we can get married in September.
70952,208,9,24,"What-What, why? Because, when I do get married, I kind of want to fit in... my dress."
70953,208,9,24,Why wouldn't you f...
70954,208,9,24,No.
70955,208,9,24,Yeah.
70956,208,9,24,No. Yeah.
70957,208,9,24,"Yeah, yeah."
70958,208,9,24,Yeah. Whoa. (laughing)
70959,208,9,24,What's going on?
70960,208,9,24,She's getting a boob job.
70961,208,9,24,LILY: We just peeked in on Penny asleep in the baby room.
70962,208,9,24,It's adorable.
70963,208,9,24,"The whole place looks great, guys."
70964,208,9,24,But I can't believe you let Ted hang his jousting lance from the renaissance fair on your bedroom wall.
70965,208,9,24,(chuckles)
70966,208,9,24,Yeah.
70967,208,9,24,That's Ted's.
70968,208,9,24,"So, Marshall, how's your job going? Mm."
70969,208,9,24,My chair... is reasonably comfortable.
70970,208,9,24,For short periods of time.
70971,208,9,24,Marshall has decided to say only positive things about being back in corporate law.
70972,208,9,24,So you hate it?
70973,208,9,24,Much of what I do does not make me cry.
70974,208,9,24,But the job's only temporary.
70975,208,9,24,"Marshall was offered the judgeship once, and he turned it down for me."
70976,208,9,24,"So, karmically, that phone has to ring again."
70977,208,9,24,"And even if it doesn't, today, when my boss threw his egg salad sandwich at my face, some of it got into my mouth."
70978,208,9,24,And it was tasty.
70979,208,9,24,"Hey, what about you guys?"
70980,208,9,24,How was Argentina?
70981,208,9,24,Great. It was great.
70982,208,9,24,It was great. It was great.
70983,208,9,24,It was great. It was great.
70984,208,9,24,It was great.
70985,208,9,24,(chuckles)
70986,208,9,24,One more and I'll believe you.
70987,208,9,24,(sighs)
70988,208,9,24,(sighs)
70989,208,9,24,This is so not great.
70990,208,9,24,I'm sorry that I have to work while I'm here.
70991,208,9,24,It's called being on assignment.
70992,208,9,24,"Well, what about me? There's no Wi-Fi in this hotel."
70993,208,9,24,"How am I supposed to run a business, Robin, with no Wi-Fi?"
70994,208,9,24,"It's not a business, Barney, it's a blog, okay?"
70995,208,9,24,It is a lifestyle blog.
70996,208,9,24,"For the upscale, sophisticated urban gentleman, and it's never gonna take off if I can't post today's boner joke."
70997,208,9,24,I know I'm always traveling.
70998,208,9,24,"We both hate it when I'm gone, we both hate it when I drag you with me. Neither of us is happy."
70999,208,9,24,Is this just not working anymore?
71000,208,9,24,"Wait, w... What ""this""? This-this?"
71001,208,9,24,"If I gave you an out, right now... if there was an exit ramp right here at the three-year mark... would you take it?"
71002,208,9,24,"Before I answer that, real quick: you want to get super drunk and have s*x right now?"
71003,208,9,24,Of course.
71004,208,9,24,"And then, one thing led to another."
71005,208,9,24,And then another.
71006,208,9,24,And then another after that.
71007,208,9,24,Oh. Oh.
71008,208,9,24,"And we kept drinking, and may have had a little... too much."
71009,208,9,24,Arigato.
71010,208,9,24,"Wow, these rooms all look the same, even when you're sober."
71011,208,9,24,You're sober?
71012,208,9,24,"So, um... about what we discussed last night."
71013,208,9,24,How do you feel?
71014,208,9,24,"I love you, Robin."
71015,208,9,24,"And when we got married, I made a vow that I would always tell you the truth."
71016,208,9,24,We got divorced.
71017,208,9,24,I can't believe you got divorced without telling us.
71018,208,9,24,This is my mom and dad all over again.
71019,208,9,24,"Barney, if you start brewing your own beer now and nail my prom date, so help me..."
71020,208,9,24,"Years too late on one of those, Teddy."
71021,208,9,24,"Guys, it's okay."
71022,208,9,24,This isn't a failed marriage.
71023,208,9,24,It's a very successful marriage that happened to only last three years.
71024,208,9,24,You both want this?
71025,208,9,24,For real?
71026,208,9,24,We do.
71027,208,9,24,For real.
71028,208,9,24,"Lily, you okay?"
71029,208,9,24,Of course I'm not okay.
71030,208,9,24,This ruins everything.
71031,208,9,24,"Now we have to choose sides, and obviously we're gonna choose Robin, but Barney has his moments."
71032,208,9,24,MARSHALL: I really liked the boner joke of the day.
71033,208,9,24,"Look, you guys do not need to pick sides."
71034,208,9,24,Nothing has to change.
71035,208,9,24,"No. We've already broken up before and we've stayed friends, remember?"
71036,208,9,24,As long as you promise me this won't mean we stop hanging out.
71037,208,9,24,Okay.
71038,208,9,24,"I'm serious. I know, but, I mean, we hardly hang out anymore anyway."
71039,208,9,24,"They live in the suburbs now, and you two are about to have baby number three."
71040,208,9,24,Please. You're so obvious.
71041,208,9,24,"Your gals are back up to a full C-cup, and you've been sipping her drink all night long."
71042,208,9,24,We didn't want to announce anything till we knew for sure.
71043,208,9,24,"Oh, my gosh, Lily!"
71044,208,9,24,"That's amazing! Oh, congratulations!"
71045,208,9,24,"Oh, my God. Wait, see?"
71046,208,9,24,"This, right here, this is why we can't fall out of each other's lives."
71047,208,9,24,We have to be here for the big moments.
71048,208,9,24,"Just promise me, no matter what, we will always be there for the big moments."
71049,208,9,24,I-I promise. We'll-we'll always be there for the big moments.
71050,208,9,24,Mm. See?
71051,208,9,24,It's like this whole divorce thing never happened.
71052,208,9,24,(crying)
71053,208,9,24,I...
71054,208,9,24,"Hey. Hi, sweetie."
71055,208,9,24,How was work?
71056,208,9,24,"My-my boss only called me three words that meant ""vagina"" today."
71057,208,9,24,How are the kids? Asleep.
71058,208,9,24,"Good. This is working, right?"
71059,208,9,24,Marvin and Daisy sharing a room together? It's not too cramped?
71060,208,9,24,"And then when the next one arrives, we'll just put her crib... in the shower."
71061,208,9,24,It's the perfect size. It'll save time on cleanups...
71062,208,9,24,Let's move somewhere bigger.
71063,208,9,24,"Yes. Oh, thank God."
71064,208,9,24,"I mean... You know, don't get me wrong. I love this apartment."
71065,208,9,24,How do you say good-bye to so many special memories?
71066,208,9,24,Cock-a-mouse! We have to move!
71067,208,9,24,(dance music playing)
71068,208,9,24,(laughs)
71069,208,9,24,"Hey, Marshall. Robin!"
71070,208,9,24,"Hey, I'm so glad you're here. It's-it's been forever."
71071,208,9,24,"Oh, hey. Hey."
71072,208,9,24,Where's your... where's your costume?
71073,208,9,24,"Oh, uh, it's been a crazy week at work so no time to go shopping."
71074,208,9,24,"Uh, well, who are you supposed to be?"
71075,208,9,24,"Okay, I want to make it clear this is not my idea."
71076,208,9,24,I'm Captain Ahab.
71077,208,9,24,Why is it bad if it was your idea?
71078,208,9,24,"Robin, you made it! A white whale. Got it. (chuckles)"
71079,208,9,24,Aw. Hi. Hi.
71080,208,9,24,"Yeah, I figured, people are thinkin' it. Might as well steer into the skid, right?"
71081,208,9,24,Where's your costume?
71082,208,9,24,"Oh, you know, I've just been so..."
71083,208,9,24,(squealing)
71084,208,9,24,"Oh, my God, Marshall!"
71085,208,9,24,Guess whose digits I just scored?
71086,208,9,24,The slutty police officer's... tax attorney.
71087,208,9,24,"Hey, Robin!"
71088,208,9,24,Hey. Didn't see you there.
71089,208,9,24,(chuckling nervously)
71090,208,9,24,Saved it.
71091,208,9,24,"Sorry, I got to pee."
71092,208,9,24,I-I'll be back in... an hour.
71093,208,9,24,"Oh, man."
71094,208,9,24,Is Ted still wearing his hanging chad costume?
71095,208,9,24,How old is that thing? It's gone from played out to charmingly retro and back six or seven times now.
71096,208,9,24,Kind of like Ted himself.
71097,208,9,24,Tonight it's working for him though.
71098,208,9,24,"ROBIN: How do you do this, Ted? How do you sit out here all night on the roof in the cold and still have faith your pumpkin's gonna show up?"
71099,208,9,24,"Look, I know that odds are the love of my life isn't gonna magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at..."
71100,208,9,24,"2:43 in the morning, but... this seems as nice a spot as any to just, you know... sit and wait."
71101,208,9,24,"Um... uh, c-can you tell Lily I-I had to go?"
71102,208,9,24,I got to split.
71103,208,9,24,(sighs)
71104,208,9,24,"Speaking of splits, do you think I can do a split in midair like my boy David Lee Roth?"
71105,208,9,24,I know you can't.
71106,208,9,24,Challenge accepted.
71107,208,9,24,(exhales)
71108,208,9,24,"BARNEY: Oh, my scrotum!"
71109,208,9,24,(sighs)
71110,208,9,24,I can't get out of this thing.
71111,208,9,24,I'm holding it.
71112,208,9,24,"Wait, are you leaving? Yeah, I got a big day tomorrow. I got to get some sleep."
71113,208,9,24,"No, you can't leave. This is a big moment."
71114,208,9,24,We're saying good-bye to the apartment.
71115,208,9,24,The whole gang has to be here.
71116,208,9,24,The gang?
71117,208,9,24,"Do you know who the gang is to me, Lily?"
71118,208,9,24,"Here's what the gang is: the gang is a married couple who I never see anymore, about to have their third kid; it's my ex-husband, hitting on slutty cops right in front of me; and it's the guy I probably should have ended up with with the beautiful mother of his child."
71119,208,9,24,"I mean, who in their right mind would call that group of people ""the gang""?"
71120,208,9,24,Oh...
71121,208,9,24,"Oh, oh, so... so what?"
71122,208,9,24,This is all just over then?
71123,208,9,24,Our whole friendship is just over?
71124,208,9,24,"No. No, of course not. Look, we'll... we'll always be friends. It's just... never gonna be how it was."
71125,208,9,24,It can't be.
71126,208,9,24,And that doesn't have to be a sad thing.
71127,208,9,24,There-There's so much wonderful stuff happening in all of our lives right now.
71128,208,9,24,"Look, more than enough to be grateful for."
71129,208,9,24,"But the five of us hanging out at MacLaren's, being young and stupid..."
71130,208,9,24,(sighs) that's just not one of those things.
71131,208,9,24,That part's over.
71132,208,9,24,(sighs)
71133,208,9,24,I got to go.
71134,208,9,24,"Good night, Lily."
71135,208,9,24,Good night.
71136,208,9,24,(shuddering sigh)
71137,208,9,24,LILY: Marshall's almost here.
71138,208,9,24,"Yes! Look at us, hanging out again. This is amazing."
71139,208,9,24,This is awesome!
71140,208,9,24,This is... (roaring)
71141,208,9,24,(laughing): Okay.
71142,208,9,24,"Just settle down, buddy. No!"
71143,208,9,24,Settling down is for losers with kids who never go out anymore.
71144,208,9,24,"I am in charge tonight, and the earliest I am allowing anyone to go home is..."
71145,208,9,24,2:00 a.m.
71146,208,9,24,10:00 p.m.
71147,208,9,24,9:45.
71148,208,9,24,3:00 a.m.
71149,208,9,24,"Guys, tonight is gonna be legen... wait for it..."
71150,208,9,24,"If I leave now, I could put the kids to bed."
71151,208,9,24,I'll get the check.
71152,208,9,24,..dary!
71153,208,9,24,Legendary!
71154,208,9,24,"Guys, the gang is back!"
71155,208,9,24,We're back!
71156,208,9,24,"(sputtering, shouting)"
71157,208,9,24,All of us except for Robin.
71158,208,9,24,We never see her anymore.
71159,208,9,24,"Okay, in addition to you guys not going home before 4:00 a.m.-- yes, it's up to 4:00 now... new rule: anytime anyone talks about something sad, we stay out an extra hour."
71160,208,9,24,We said we'd always be there for the big moments.
71161,208,9,24,"5:00 a.m. To be fair, tonight's just us hanging out until 10:00 p.m., tops."
71162,208,9,24,It's not a big moment.
71163,208,9,24,"BARNEY: Um, yes, it is. Um, no, it's not."
71164,208,9,24,"Um, yes, it is. Um... no, it's not."
71165,208,9,24,"Um, yes, it is."
71166,208,9,24,I got a phone call today.
71167,208,9,24,"A judge in Queens is retiring, so..."
71168,208,9,24,I'm gonna be a judge.
71169,208,9,24,(gasps)
71170,208,9,24,(shouting)
71171,208,9,24,Yes! Yes!
71172,208,9,24,(laughing)
71173,208,9,24,Judge Eriksen!
71174,208,9,24,Yeah!
71175,208,9,24,(chuckling) One more.
71176,208,9,24,I told you the phone would ring. You deserve this.
71177,208,9,24,"Thanks, Lily."
71178,208,9,24,"I love you, Marshmallow. TED: Oh."
71179,208,9,24,1:45 a.m.
71180,208,9,24,"Well, you were right, Barney, this night was, in fact, legendary, but..."
71181,208,9,24,I know what you're gonna say and I agree.
71182,208,9,24,We're going to Vegas!
71183,208,9,24,TED: I will be awakened by screaming children in less than...
71184,208,9,24,(crying): four-and-a-half hours.
71185,208,9,24,BARNEY: You're staying.
71186,208,9,24,I'm going.
71187,208,9,24,"Judge Fudge, your very first ruling?"
71188,208,9,24,(deep voice): He stays.
71189,208,9,24,Hey! See?
71190,208,9,24,Tonight is about celebrating our enduring bond as friends.
71191,208,9,24,"Nay, family. Because that's what we are, Ted."
71192,208,9,24,We are fa...
71193,208,9,24,"Okay, fun night, guys. Keep in touch."
71194,208,9,24,"Damn it, Barney."
71195,208,9,24,(choking)
71196,208,9,24,(strained): Crushing... windpipe.
71197,208,9,24,You're lucky that's the only pipe I'm crushing.
71198,208,9,24,Aah! That woman is half your age.
71199,208,9,24,"Haven't you changed, even a little?"
71200,208,9,24,No. I haven't.
71201,208,9,24,"Look, I know there was a time when it seemed like I was capable of going the distance, but... if it wasn't gonna happen with Robin, then it's just not gonna happen with anyone."
71202,208,9,24,"I am never gonna be a guy who meets a girl and, from the first time I see her, I'm just like, ""You are the love of my life."
71203,208,9,24,"""Everything I have and everything I am is yours forever."""
71204,208,9,24,Really?
71205,208,9,24,"No, I'm just making a point. Move it along."
71206,208,9,24,That's not me.
71207,208,9,24,"I'm the guy who straightens his tie, says something dirty, high-fives himself and then goes and talks to that girl over there."
71208,208,9,24,That's me.
71209,208,9,24,Can I please... just be me?
71210,208,9,24,Judge Fudge?
71211,208,9,24,I'll allow it.
71212,208,9,24,Then I'll a-plow it. Self-five.
71213,208,9,24,Stinson out.
71214,208,9,24,(rock music playing)
71215,208,9,24,(cheering)
71216,208,9,24,Oh!
71217,208,9,24,"(whoops) MARSHALL: Hey, so are you guys ever gonna tie the knot or are you... are you just comfortable living in sin?"
71218,208,9,24,Someone's gotten a bit... judge-y. Oh!
71219,208,9,24,Sustained. THE MOTHER: Yeah.
71220,208,9,24,"We'll get around to it. It's just, you know, with life and jobs and kids."
71221,208,9,24,"Plus, this one's still insisting on getting married in a French castle."
71222,208,9,24,"I'd get married tomorrow in a White Castle, but this guy needs more ""wow factor."""
71223,208,9,24,You're all the wow factor I need.
71224,208,9,24,BARNEY: Aw!
71225,208,9,24,(mimics retching)
71226,208,9,24,Glad someone can be happy on the day of a tragedy.
71227,208,9,24,"LILY: Aw, Barney, you know this is all fake, right?"
71228,208,9,24,That robot's not really dead.
71229,208,9,24,(laughter)
71230,208,9,24,"I'm not talking about the robot, Lily. Everyone, stop having fun! I'm about to tell a sad story!"
71231,208,9,24,"Guys, remember back in 2010 when I achieved a perfect week?"
71232,208,9,24,"Seven girls in seven nights, sure."
71233,208,9,24,"BARNEY: Well, recently, I decided to attempt... a perfect month."
71234,208,9,24,I put together a brand-new playbook.
71235,208,9,24,"No, I can't hear this. This is just too sad."
71236,208,9,24,But I haven't gotten to the sad part yet.
71237,208,9,24,You're in your 40s and you have a playbook.
71238,208,9,24,That's the sad part.
71239,208,9,24,Lily... just...
71240,208,9,24,Okay?
71241,208,9,24,"So I put together a brand-new playbook, filled with plays I'd never tried before, like..."
71242,208,9,24,"...where, as in the '80s classic, I magically come to life, if you know what I mean."
71243,208,9,24,...where I wait till a girl mentions something she likes.
71244,208,9,24,"God, I love nachos."
71245,208,9,24,Thank you.
71246,208,9,24,Allow me to introduce myself.
71247,208,9,24,"My name is Jim, Jim Nacho."
71248,208,9,24,Inventor of the nacho.
71249,208,9,24,So... did you get a perfect month?
71250,208,9,24,Yes.
71251,208,9,24,Then why are you so upset?
71252,208,9,24,"That last girl, number 31..."
71253,208,9,24,"Oh, that's a pretty name. What is that, French?"
71254,208,9,24,...she's pregnant.
71255,208,9,24,"Wait, you're messing with us, right?"
71256,208,9,24,You didn't really get a girl pregnant?
71257,208,9,24,It's real.
71258,208,9,24,She's pregnant.
71259,208,9,24,"Kinda puts an asterisk, on the whole perfect month thing, huh?"
71260,208,9,24,"Barney, are you okay?"
71261,208,9,24,"Ah, Jim Nantz."
71262,208,9,24,Thank goodness. You're always here for me in times of trouble.
71263,208,9,24,What should I do?
71264,208,9,24,"You're on your own this time, bro."
71265,208,9,24,"Congratulations, Papa."
71266,208,9,24,Stop it. This is a disaster.
71267,208,9,24,Why?
71268,208,9,24,Why? Because I'm too old.
71269,208,9,24,"I was about to enter my golden years, my Clooney years, my daddy issues years, where I don't just remind messed-up girls of their dads because I'm emotionally distant."
71270,208,9,24,I freaking look like their dads. That's the dream.
71271,208,9,24,My life is over.
71272,208,9,24,So where are you guys registered?
71273,208,9,24,"TED: Another fun fact about the Goliath National Bank building, the sleek but historical facade has been described by Architecture Vision Monthly as ""modern classicism."""
71274,208,9,24,I can see that.
71275,208,9,24,Mm-hmm. Any questions from the group?
71276,208,9,24,I have a question.
71277,208,9,24,What happened to the building that used to be here?
71278,208,9,24,It was way nicer.
71279,208,9,24,Robin!
71280,208,9,24,"Oh, my God!"
71281,208,9,24,What are you doing here?
71282,208,9,24,I thought you were in...
71283,208,9,24,"Greece, uh, Morocco, Moscow."
71284,208,9,24,"Yeah, World Wide News keeps me pretty busy."
71285,208,9,24,And pretty famous.
71286,208,9,24,"I mean, you're everywhere."
71287,208,9,24,I am not everywhere. The...
71288,208,9,24,"Okay, I'm some places."
71289,208,9,24,"(laughs): Hi, Penny."
71290,208,9,24,"Oh, my gosh, I haven't seen you in forever."
71291,208,9,24,"I like you, bus lady. Oh, I like you, too."
71292,208,9,24,Never call me that again.
71293,208,9,24,(giggles)
71294,208,9,24,And that was it.
71295,208,9,24,Wow. Hm.
71296,208,9,24,A genuine Scherbatsky sighting out in nature.
71297,208,9,24,"At this point, that's like seeing Sasquatch."
71298,208,9,24,"No, Sasquatch is a warm and affectionate creature."
71299,208,9,24,"At this point, Robin's more like the yeti... cold and aloof."
71300,208,9,24,"Hey, Ted."
71301,208,9,24,Ask me if the Abominable Snowman called.
71302,208,9,24,Has the Abominable Snowman called?
71303,208,9,24,Not yeti.
71304,208,9,24,Here we are again.
71305,208,9,24,"Another big moment for us, and Robin's missing it."
71306,208,9,24,"MARSHALL: I know, baby."
71307,208,9,24,"I mean, the birth of her ex-husband's love child is a bit of a stretch... but I know, baby."
71308,208,9,24,(sighs)
71309,208,9,24,Well?
71310,208,9,24,"It was... crazy in there, but..."
71311,208,9,24,"I threw up, and now I feel better."
71312,208,9,24,Where were you?
71313,208,9,24,"In the can. I knew I was gonna urp, so I put this on over my suit."
71314,208,9,24,Number 31 won't let me in the delivery room.
71315,208,9,24,We're gonna need a name eventually.
71316,208,9,24,Mr. Stinson?
71317,208,9,24,Yes? Congratulations.
71318,208,9,24,Congratulations because the blood test came back and I'm not the father?!
71319,208,9,24,Happy Not a Father's Day!
71320,208,9,24,No. Congratulations.
71321,208,9,24,It's a girl.
71322,208,9,24,Would you like to meet her?
71323,208,9,24,"Nah, I'm good."
71324,208,9,24,"I don't... Oh, just go meet your daughter!"
71325,208,9,24,This is Ellie.
71326,208,9,24,I'll give you guys a minute.
71327,208,9,24,♪
71328,208,9,24,You are the love of my life.
71329,208,9,24,(trembling breath)
71330,208,9,24,Everything I have... and everything I am...
71331,208,9,24,...is yours.
71332,208,9,24,(gasping breath)
71333,208,9,24,Forever.
71334,208,9,24,What?
71335,208,9,24,Do I have stuff in my teeth?
71336,208,9,24,Give me your engagement ring back.
71337,208,9,24,Just because I have stuff in my teeth?
71338,208,9,24,We-we can work through this.
71339,208,9,24,(laughs): Just give it back.
71340,208,9,24,(clears throat)
71341,208,9,24,"If you don't get married in that time, you have to re-propose."
71342,208,9,24,Will you...
71343,208,9,24,"Yes. Yes, you silly man."
71344,208,9,24,Let me finish.
71345,208,9,24,Will you...
71346,208,9,24,Yes! Sorry.
71347,208,9,24,Yes.
71348,208,9,24,Will y...
71349,208,9,24,Will you marry me... on Thursday?
71350,208,9,24,I called your office... you got nothing on Thursday.
71351,208,9,24,Will you marry me on Thursday?
71352,208,9,24,Yes.
71353,208,9,24,(laughs)
71354,208,9,24,(groans)
71355,208,9,24,Same ring.
71356,208,9,24,(laughs)
71357,208,9,24,LILY: I can't believe it.
71358,208,9,24,It's Ted Mosby's wedding day!
71359,208,9,24,Yes! After only seven years and two kids.
71360,208,9,24,"Guys, am I rushing into this?"
71361,208,9,24,Whoa.
71362,208,9,24,"Oh, buddy, are you okay?"
71363,208,9,24,So tired.
71364,208,9,24,Baby no sleepy.
71365,208,9,24,Barney dying.
71366,208,9,24,"Well, we're staying out till"
71367,208,9,24,3:00 a.m. tonight.
71368,208,9,24,9:45!
71369,208,9,24,"Seriously, though, I am so proud of you."
71370,208,9,24,Not that you're a dad.
71371,208,9,24,It's like you're a totally different pers... Whoa!
71372,208,9,24,And... we're back.
71373,208,9,24,Hey.
71374,208,9,24,Hi. What to join us for shots?
71375,208,9,24,(chuckles): Shots?
71376,208,9,24,Before lunch on a Thursday?
71377,208,9,24,It's like you're trying to make bad decisions.
71378,208,9,24,"You young ladies need to go home, put on some decent clothes and take a good hard look at your lives. Get!"
71379,208,9,24,Call your parents... they're probably worried sick.
71380,208,9,24,I have officially seen everything.
71381,208,9,24,Not everything.
71382,208,9,24,Hi. Hi.
71383,208,9,24,"I-I know I've... missed a couple lately, but... we said we'd always be there for the big moments."
71384,208,9,24,"Aw, crap."
71385,208,9,24,Mascara running.
71386,208,9,24,Nobody let her out of your sight.
71387,208,9,24,"Hi, Daddy. Whoa."
71388,208,9,24,"Look, Robin, I'm really happy to see you, but I don't think of you that way anymore."
71389,208,9,24,", dummy, you had a kid."
71390,208,9,24,"Congrats. Right, yeah."
71391,208,9,24,Thanks. A kid.
71392,208,9,24,I'm tired.
71393,208,9,24,"Oh. But, uh, she's awesome. Yeah?"
71394,208,9,24,Yeah.
71395,208,9,24,Daddy's home.
71396,208,9,24,Mm.
71397,208,9,24,Judge Fudge? Hey?
71398,208,9,24,(laughs) Hey...
71399,208,9,24,"Actually, um, little announcement for everybody."
71400,208,9,24,I'm gonna be running for State Supreme Court.
71401,208,9,24,"Yeah. So if everything goes well, in a couple of months, you won't be calling me Judge Fudge anymore."
71402,208,9,24,You'll be calling me Fudge Supreme.
71403,208,9,24,(others chuckling)
71404,208,9,24,The man of the hour.
71405,208,9,24,Yeah.
71406,208,9,24,You RSVP'd no.
71407,208,9,24,I did.
71408,208,9,24,But someone pretty persuasive talked me into it.
71409,208,9,24,♪
71410,208,9,24,Sorry. I know it's bad luck to see the bride in her dress.
71411,208,9,24,Worth it.
71412,208,9,24,But I couldn't miss this.
71413,208,9,24,I want to get a picture.
71414,208,9,24,Get in! I want to take a picture of you guys.
71415,208,9,24,"Come on, get together."
71416,208,9,24,Are you ready?
71417,208,9,24,"All right, get in. All right. All right."
71418,208,9,24,"One, two, three."
71419,208,9,24,(shutter clicks)
71420,208,9,24,♪
71421,208,9,24,"Hey. Hey, you kids."
71422,208,9,24,"Yeah, you didn't sound a thousand there."
71423,208,9,24,Do you have any idea what happened right here in this very bar?
71424,208,9,24,No. What happened?
71425,208,9,24,(chuckles)
71426,208,9,24,Just...
71427,208,9,24,...just all kinds of stuff.
71428,208,9,24,A toast.
71429,208,9,24,Mm-hmm.
71430,208,9,24,"Okay, first off... to everyone at this table..."
71431,208,9,24,"...I love you guys so much, I can't even..."
71432,208,9,24,"Just move to the second part. Okay, okay."
71433,208,9,24,"Secondly, to Ted..."
71434,208,9,24,Don't say it.
71435,208,9,24,OTHERS: ...Evelyn Mosby.
71436,208,9,24,Thank you for that.
71437,208,9,24,A man with... more emotional endurance than anyone I know.
71438,208,9,24,"It was a long, difficult road."
71439,208,9,24,Thank God we finally got here.
71440,208,9,24,"Hear, hear."
71441,208,9,24,"OTHERS: Hear, hear."
71442,208,9,24,
71443,208,9,24,NARRATOR: Aunt Lily wasn't wrong.
71444,208,9,24,"It was at times a long, difficult road."
71445,208,9,24,"But I'm glad it was long and difficult, because if I hadn't gone through hell to get there, the lesson might not have been as clear."
71446,208,9,24,"You see, kids, right from the moment I met your mom, I knew..."
71447,208,9,24,"I have to love this woman as much as I can for as long as I can, and I can never stop loving her, not even for a second."
71448,208,9,24,"I carried that lesson with me through every stupid fight we ever had, every 5:00 a.m. Christmas morning, every sleepy Sunday afternoon, through every speed bump."
71449,208,9,24,"Every pang of jealousy or boredom or uncertainty that came our way, I carried that lesson with me."
71450,208,9,24,And I carried it with me when she got sick.
71451,208,9,24,"Even then, in what can only be called the worst of times, all I could do was look at her and thank God, thank every god there is, or ever was, or will be, and the whole universe, and anyone else I can possibly thank..."
71452,208,9,24,♪ Will I see you tonight?
71453,208,9,24,"...that I saw that beautiful girl on that train platform, and that I had the guts to stand up, walk over to her, tap her on the shoulder, open my mouth, and speak."
71454,208,9,24,Excuse me. Hi. Hi.
71455,208,9,24,"I'm the... The best man. Yeah. Get in here, get in here, get in here. Oh, thanks. Here, let me."
71456,208,9,24,"Oh, okay. Thank you."
71457,208,9,24,"Great show tonight. Yeah. Oh, thank you."
71458,208,9,24,"You're Cindy's ex-roommate, right?"
71459,208,9,24,Yeah. And you are the professor.
71460,208,9,24,I took one of your classes.
71461,208,9,24,Really? Which one? Mm-hmm.
71462,208,9,24,Econ 305.
71463,208,9,24,Econ 305. I don't teach...
71464,208,9,24,"Oh, no."
71465,208,9,24,"Oh, yeah."
71466,208,9,24,"Excuse me, I'm gonna jump onto the tracks now. - No."
71467,208,9,24,"No, no, no, don't. You were great, you were great."
71468,208,9,24,Wait a second.
71469,208,9,24,This is my umbrella.
71470,208,9,24,I left this umbrella at Cindy's... you totally stole my umbrella.
71471,208,9,24,"(laughs): What? No, I didn't."
71472,208,9,24,This is my umbrella. I bought this.
71473,208,9,24,Excuse me. It even has my initials on it right here: T.M.
71474,208,9,24,Ted Mosby.
71475,208,9,24,"Yeah. Look again, Ted Mosby."
71476,208,9,24,Those are my initials: T.M.
71477,208,9,24,"Tracy McConnell. Um, no, Tracy McConnell, it's T.M.--"
71478,208,9,24,Totally My umbrella.
71479,208,9,24,"Uh, your T.M.--"
71480,208,9,24,"Terribly Mistaken, because this umbrella has always belonged T.M.: To Me."
71481,208,9,24,(laughs)
71482,208,9,24,Although... I did lose it for a few years there.
71483,208,9,24,"Um... so, I went to this dance club..."
71484,208,9,24,On St. Patrick's Day.
71485,208,9,24,...on St. Patrick's Day.
71486,208,9,24,And you left it there.
71487,208,9,24,And I left it there.
71488,208,9,24,And you never thought you'd see it again.
71489,208,9,24,And I never thought I'd see it again.
71490,208,9,24,Funny how sometimes you just... find things.
71491,208,9,24,♪ Will I see you tonight?
71492,208,9,24,Hi.
71493,208,9,24,(laughs): Hi.
71494,208,9,24,♪
71495,208,9,24,♪ Every night
71496,208,9,24,♪ It's just the same ♪
71497,208,9,24,♪ All upon a downtown train.
71498,208,9,24,"And that, kids... is how I met your mother."
71499,208,9,24,That's it?
71500,208,9,24,That's it.
71501,208,9,24,No. I don't buy it.
71502,208,9,24,That is not the reason you made us listen to this.
71503,208,9,24,"Oh, really?"
71504,208,9,24,Then what's the reason?
71505,208,9,24,Let's look at the facts here.
71506,208,9,24,You made us sit down and listen to this story about how you met mom.
71507,208,9,24,Yet mom's hardly in the story. No.
71508,208,9,24,This is a story about how you're totally in love with Aunt Robin.
71509,208,9,24,"And you're thinking about asking her out, and you want to know if we're okay with it."
71510,208,9,24,I can't believe this.
71511,208,9,24,"I kept this story short and to the point, and you guys still missed it."
71512,208,9,24,The point of the story is that...
71513,208,9,24,"Is that you totally, totally, totally have the hots for Aunt Robin."
71514,208,9,24,"No, I don't."
71515,208,9,24,"Yes, you do."
71516,208,9,24,You're grounded.
71517,208,9,24,"Wow, you are really into Aunt Robin."
71518,208,9,24,"You're grounded, too."
71519,208,9,24,"Okay, suppose I were interested in Aunt Robin in that way... it's not like I'd do anything about it."
71520,208,9,24,"I got you guys to think about. My gosh, we love Aunt Robin."
71521,208,9,24,"Whenever she comes over for dinner, you guys are so obvious."
71522,208,9,24,"Come on, Dad."
71523,208,9,24,Mom's been gone for six years now.
71524,208,9,24,It's time.
71525,208,9,24,"What, I just... just call her up on the phone and ask her out on a date?"
71526,208,9,24,Yes. Yes.
71527,208,9,24,And that... that's something you guys would want?
71528,208,9,24,Yes! Yes!
71529,208,9,24,"All right, I'll give her a call."
71530,208,9,24,Do it. I am.
71531,208,9,24,Call her. I'm calling her.
71532,208,9,24,Great.
71533,208,9,24,Here I go.
71534,208,9,24,Or...
71535,208,9,24,♪
71536,208,9,24,"All right, home sweet home."
71537,208,9,24,Oh. Wait one second.
71538,208,9,24,Okay.
71539,208,9,24,Stay.
71540,208,9,24,(sighs): We'll work on that.
71541,208,9,24,(intercom chimes)
71542,208,9,24,"Television, display front door security."
71543,208,9,24,(sighs)
71544,208,9,24,"Television, dis..."
71545,208,9,24,"Oh, for Pete's sakes."
71546,208,9,24,♪ May come and go
71547,208,9,24,♪ Our crooked dreams
71548,208,9,24,♪ Will always flow
71549,208,9,24,♪ Remember
71550,208,9,24,♪ Remem...
71551,208,9,24,♪ Ber
71552,208,9,24,♪ All we fight for
71553,208,9,24,♪ Remember
71554,208,9,24,♪ Remem...
71555,208,9,24,♪ Ber
71556,208,9,24,♪ All we fight for
71557,208,9,24,♪ Remember
71558,208,9,24,♪ Remem...
71559,208,9,24,♪ Ber
71560,208,9,24,♪ All we fight for