---
title: Toenails
date: 2026-11-07T18:25:35+08:00
categories:
- funny
- how-i-do-things
description: I explain why good toenails are rarer and more valuable to me than my phone or laptops, how I fiddle with them, and why housekeepers threaten my secret stash.
tags: [humor, habits]
---

Note: This continues my nasty habits series: [licking](https://www.s-anand.net/blog/licking/), [scraping](https://www.s-anand.net/blog/scraping/), and [nibbling](https://www.s-anand.net/blog/nibbling/) - in which I mentioned fiddling with nails.

There are three irreplacable possessions in my room:

1. My phone, because it authorizes lots of services.
2. My laptops, because they have un-backed-up data.
3. My toenails, because the good ones are rare.

Here are two _good_ ones I've had for a few months. The ones best for fiddling are from the toe thumb. They typically have:

- A large, thick, smooth surface that I can run my finger over
- A thin, tapering edge that's springy and I can twang it
- A ragged edge that I need to be careful of
- Ridges and grooves that I can pluck at
- An irregular bend I can pull at to straighten
- A sharp tip I can poke with
- ... and so many other delights.

![](https://files.s-anand.net/images/2026-11-07-toenails.avif)

Seriously. These are irreplaceable. How often do you get a toenail with _all_ of these features? (Once a year, if I"m lucky.) That makes them _more_ irreplaceble than my phone or laptop.

The biggest threat to my possessions are our maids (we get different ones periodically). Apart from [turning off my remote laptop](https://www.s-anand.net/blog/code-on-remote-machines/), they also sometimes discover my secret stash of toenails and throw them away. The last time this happened, it took me an entire quarter to get a moderately satisfactory replacement.

Unlike the laptop shutdown, this is harder to prevent. It would mean telling my wife about the toenail stash, which could lead to a permanent ban.