My Aduerſary euermore twittes mee with my Nephew, forſooth my Nephew: why may not a vertuous vncle haue a diſſolute Nephewe? what tho hee bee a Brotheller, a waſt-thrift, a common Surfetter, and to conclude a beggar, muſt ſinne in him, call vp ſhame in mee: ſince wee haue no part in their follies, why ſhould wee haue part in their infamies? for my ſtrickt hand toward his morgage that I denie not, I confeſſe I had an Vncles penworth: let me ſee, halfe in halfe, true, I ſawe neyther hope of his reclayming, nor comfort in his beeing, and was it not then better beſtow'd vpon his Vncle, then vpon one of his Aunts, I neede not ſay bawde, for euery owne knowes what Aunt ſtands for in the laſt Tranſlation now ſir.

Ime at beſt leiſure now, ſend him in to me;

Bleſſe your venerable worſhip.

Welcome good fellow.

Hee calles me theefe at firſt ſight, yet he little thinkes I am an Hoſt?

What's thy buſines with me?

Faith ſir, I am ſent from my Miſtriſſe to any ſufficient Gentleman indeed, to aske aduiſe vpon a doubtfull point, 'tis indifferent ſir, to whome I come, for I know none, nor did my Miſtres direct mee to any perticuler man, for ſhee's as meere a ſtranger here as my ſelfe, onely I found your worſhip within, and tis a thing I euer lou'd ſir to be diſpacht as ſoone as I can:

A good blunt honeſty, I like him wel what is thy Miſtres?

Fayth a Cuntry Gentlewoman and a widdow ſir, yeſterday was the firſt flight of vs, but now ſhee entends to ſtay till a little Tearme buſineſſe be ended.

Her name I prethee?

It runnes there in the writings ſir, among her Lands, widdow Medler?

Meddler? maſſe haue I neere heard of that widdow?

Yes, I wa •• nt you, haue you ſir, not the rich widdowe in Staffordſheere:

Cuds me, there tis indeede, thou haſt put me into memorie, there's a widdow indeed, ah that I were a batchiler agen.

No doubt your worſhip might do much then, but ſhe's fayrely promiſt to a bachiler already.

Ah what is he I prethee?

A Country Gentleman too, one whome your worſhip knowes not Ime ſure: has ſpent ſome fewe follies in his youth, but marriage by my fayth begins to call him home, my Miſtris loues him ſir, and loue couers faults you know, one maiſter VVit-good if euer you haue heard of the Gentleman:

Ha? Wit-good ſayſt thou?

But I pray take me with you.

I ſir▪

What Countryman might this yong Wit-good be?

A Leſterſhire gentleman ſir.

My Nephew, by th▪ maſſe my Nephew, Ile fetch out more of this yfaith, a ſimple Country fellow, Ile workte out of him, and is that Gentleman ſayſt thou preſently to marrie her?

Fayth he brought her vp to towne ſir, has the beſt card in all the bunch fort, her heart: and I know my Miſtris will bee married, ere ſhe goe downe, nay Ile ſweare that, for ſhe's none of thoſe widdowes that will goe downe firſt, and bee married after, ſhe hates that I can tell you ſir.

By my faith ſir, ſhee is like to haue a proper Gentleman and a comelie, Ile giue her that gift?

Why do's your worſhip know him ſir?

I know him! dos not all the world knowe him, can a man of ſuch exquiſite qualities be hid vnder a buſhell?

Then your worſhippe may ſaue mee a labour, for I had charge giuen me to enquire after him.

Enquire of him? if I might counſell thee, thou ſhouldſt nere trouble thy ſelfe furder, enquire of him of no more but of mee, Ile fit thee? I grant he has beene youthfull, but is he not now reclaimde; marke you that ſir, has not your Miſtris thinke you beene wanton in her youth? if men bee wagges, are there not women wagtayles?

No doubt ſir:

Do's not he returne wiſeſt, that comes home whipt with his owne follies.

Why very true ſir.

The worſt report you can heare of him I can tell you is that hee has beene a kinde Gentleman, a liberall and a worthie, who but luſtie Wit-good, thrice Noble Wit-good.

Since your worſhippe has ſo much knowledge in him, can you reſolue me Sir what his liuing might bee, my duty bindes me ſir to haue a care of my miſtris eſtate, ſhe has beene euer a good miſtris to me though I ſay it, many welthy Suiters has ſhee Nonſuted for his ſake, yet tho her Loue bee ſo fixt, a man cannot tell whether his Non-performance may helpe to remoue it ſir; hee makes vs beleeue hee has lands and liuing.

Who young maiſter Wit-good! why beleeue it he has as goodly a fine liuing out yonder, what do you call the place?

Nay I know not ifaith.

Hum, ſee like a Beaſt if I haue not forgot the name, puh, and out yonder agen, goodly growen woods and faire meado ves, pax ont, I can nere hit of that place neither, hee; why hes Wit-good of Wit-good-Hall, hee, an vnknowe thing.

Is he ſo ſir, to ſee how rumor will alter, truſt me ſir we heard once he had no lands, but all lay morgagde to an Vncle he has in towne here.

Puſh, tis a tale, tis a tale.

I can aſſure you ſir twas credibly reported to my Miſtris.

Why doe you thinke ifaith hee was euer ſo ſimple to morgage his lands to his Vncle? or his vncle ſo vnnaturall to take the extremity of ſuch a morgage.

That was my ſaying ſtill ſir.

Puh, nere thinke it.

Yet that report goes currant.

How ſir! what haue I donne.

Why how now in a Sowne, man▪

Is your worſhip his Vncle ſir.

Can that be any harme to you ſir.

I do beſeech your ſir do me the fauour to conceale it, what a Beaſt was I to vtter ſo much: pray ſir doe mee the kindneſſe to keepe it in, I ſhall haue my coate pull'd ore my eares, ant ſhould bee knowne, for the truth is an't pleaſe your worſhippe, to preuent much rumour and many ſuiters, they entend to bee married verie ſuddenly and priuately.

And do'ſt thou thinke it ſtands with my Iudgement to doe them iniury, muſt I needes ſay the knowledge of this marriage comes from thee? am I a foole at fifty foure? doe I lacke ſubteltie now that haue got all my wealth by it? there's a leaſh of Angells for thee, come let mee wo thee, ſpeake where lie they?

So I might haue no anger ſir—

Paſſion of me not a iot, prethe come.

I would not haue it knowne it came by my meanes,—

Why am I a man of wiſdome?

I dare truſt your worſhip ſir, but I'me a ſtranger to your houſe, and to auoyde al Intelligencers I deſire your worſhippes eare.

This fellowe's worth a matter of truſt—come ſir, why now thou'rt an honeſt lad: ah ſirrah Nephew?

Pleaſe you ſir now I haue begunne with your worſhip when ſhall I attend, for your aduice vpon that doubtfull poynt, I muſt come warily now.

Tut, feare thou nothing, to morrowes euening ſhall reſolue the doubt.

The time ſhall cauſe my attendance.

Fare thee well: there's more true honeſty in ſuch a Cuntrie Seruingman, then in a hundred of our cloake companions, I may well call e'm companions, for ſince blew coates haue beene turn'd into cloakes, wee can ſcarce knowe the man from the Maiſter—George—

Anon ſir?

Liſt hether,—keepe the place ſecret, commend mee to my Nephewe, I knowe no cauſe tell him but hee might ſee his Vncle?

I will ſir.

Here's a ſtrange alteration, one day he muſt be turnd out like a Beggar, and now he muſt be cald in like a Knight!

Ah Sirrah, that rich widdow, 400. a yeare, beſide I here ſhe layes Clayme to a title of a hundred more, this falls vnhappily that he ſhould beare a Grudge to me now being likely to proue ſo rich, what iſt tro that hee makes me a Stranger for? hum, I hope he has not ſo much wit to apprehend that I cozned him, he decaues me then? good heauen, who would haue thought, it would euer haue come to this paſſe, —yet hee's a proper Gentleman ifaith, giue him his due—marry thats his Morgage, but that I nere meane to giue him, ile make him rich inough in words if that be good, and if it come to a peece of mony I will not greatly ſticke fort, there may be hope ſome of the widdowes lands too, may one day fall vpon me if things be carried wiſely: now ſir, where is he?

He deſires your worſhip to hold him excuſde, he has ſuch weighty Buſines it commands him wholy from all men.

Were thoſe my Nephewes words?

Yes indeed ſir.

When men grow rich they grow proud too, I perceiue that, he would not haue ſent me ſuch an anſwere once within this tweluemonth, ſee what tis when a mans come to his lands, returne to him agen ſir, tell him his Vncle deſires his company for an hower▪ Ile trouble him but an hower ſay, tis for his owne good tell him, and do you heare ſir, put worſhip vpon him, go too, doe as I bid you, he's like to be a Gentleman of worſhip very ſhortly.

This is good ſport ifaith.

Troth he vſes his Vncle, diſcourteouſly now, can he tell what I may do for him, Goodnes may come frō me in a minute that comes not in Seauen yeare agen, hee knowes my humour I am not ſo vſually good, tis no ſmall thing that drawes kindnes frō me, he may know that, and he will; the cheife cauſe that inuites me to do him moſt good, is the ſuddaine aſtoniſhing of ould Hoord my Aduerſary, how pale his malice will looke at my Nephewes Aduancement, with what a deiected Spirit hee will behold his Fortunes, whome but laſt day, hee proclaymde Riotter, Penurious Make-ſhift, diſpiſed Brothell Maiſter; ha, ha, twill doe me more ſecret Ioy then my laſt purchaſſe, more pretious comfott then all theſe widdowes Reuennewes,— Now Sir. —

With much entrety he's at length come ſir,

Oh Nephew, let me ſalute you ſir, your welcome Nephew

Vncle I thanke you.

Yaue a ſault Nephew, your a Stranger here, well Heauen giue you ioy.

Of what Sir?

How could you heare of that ſir?

Not for any defect of Loue I proteſt Vncle.

Oh twas Vnkindnes Nephew, fie, fie, fie.

I am ſory you take it in that ſence ſir.

Puh, you cannot coulour it ifaith Nephew.

Will you but heare what I can ſay in my iuſt excuſe ſir.

Yes faith will I, and welcome.

You that know my danger ith Citty ſir ſo well, how great my debts are, and how extreame my Creditors could not out of your pure iudgment ſir, haue wiſht vs hether.

Maſſe a firme reaſon indeed,

Elſe my Vncles houſe, why tad beene the onely make— Match.—

Nay and thy credit.

My credit? nay my countenance, puſh, nay I know vncle you would haue wrought it ſo by your wit you would haue made her beleeue in time the whole houſe had beene mine —

La you there; wel, let e'm al prate what they will ther's nothing like the bringing of a widdow to ones Vncles houſe.

Nay let Nephewes be rulde as they liſt, they ſhall finde their Vncles houſe, the moſt naturall place when all's done.

There they may be bold.

Life, they may do any thing there man, and feare neither Beadle nor Somner, an Vncles houſe! a very coale-harbour? Sirra, Ile touch thee neere now, haſt thou ſo much intereſt in thy widdow, that by a token thou couldſt preſently ſend for her?

Troth I thinke I can vncle.

Go too, let me ſee that?

Pray command one of your men hether Vncle.

George?

Here ſir.

Attend my Nephew? I loue a life to prattle with a rich widdow, tis prety me thinkes when our tongues goe togither, and then to promiſe much and performe little; I loue that ſport a life yfaith, yet I am in the moode now to do my Nephew ſome good, if he take me handſomely: what haue you diſpacht?

I ha ſent ſir?

Yet I muſt condemne you of vnkindneſſe Nephew.

Heauen forbid Vncle?

Yes fayth muſt I; ſay your debts bee many, your creditors importunate, yet the kindneſſe of a thing is all Nephew, you might haue ſent me cloſe word on't, without the leaſt danger, or praeiudice to your fortunes.

Troth I confeſſe it Vncle, I was too blame there, but indeed my intent was to haue clapt it vp ſuddainely, and ſo haue broke forth like a ioye to my friends, and a wonder to the world, beſide there's a trifle of a forty pound matter towarde the ſetting of mee forth, my friends ſhould nere haue knowne on't, I meant to make ſhift for that my ſelfe▪

How Nephew? let me not heare ſuch a word agen, I beſeech you,—ſhall I be beholding to you?

To me alaſſe, what do you meane Vncle?

Y'aue no reaſon for that Vncle.

Troth Ile nere bee friends with you while you liue and you doe.

Nay and you ſay ſo Vncle, here's my hand, I will not doote —

Why well ſayde, there's ſome hope in thee when thou wilt bee rulde, ile make it vp fifty fayth, becauſe I ſee thee ſo reclaimde; peace, here comes my wife with Sam her tother huſbands Sonne.

Good Aunt—

Couzē Wit-good? I reioyce in my ſalute, your moſt welcome to this Noble Citty gouern'd with the ſword in the Scabbard,

And the wit in the pommell, good Maiſter Sam fredome I returne the ſalute.

By the maſſe ſhe's comming wife, let mee ſee now how thou wilt entertaine her.

I hope I am not to learne ſir, to entertaine a widdowe, tis not ſo long ago ſince I was one my ſelfe?

Vncle?

Shee's come indeed?

My Vncle was deſirous to ſee you widdow, and I praeſum'd to enuite you.

The praeſumption was nothing Maiſter Wit-good, is this yours Vncle ſir?

Marry am I ſweete widdow, and his good Vncle he ſhal finde me, I by this ſmack that I giue thee, thou'rt welcome, wife, bid the widdow welcome the ſame way agen.

I am a Gentleman now too, by my fathers occupation, and I ſee no reaſon but I may kiſſe a widdowe by my Fathers Coppy, truely I thinke the Charter is not againſt it, ſurely theſe are the wordes, the Sonne once a Gentleman, may reuell it, tho his father were a dauber, tis about the 15 page,—ile to her—

Y'are not very buſie now, a worde with thee ſweete widdow—

Coades-Nigs, I was neuer ſo diſgrac'ſt, ſince the houre my mother whipt me.

Is he ſo ſir?

Hee knowes it already and the knaues proud on't, iolly rich widdowes haue beene offerd him here ith Citty, great marchants wiues, and do you thinke he would once looke vpon e'm? forſooth heele none, you are beholding to him ith Coūtry then; ere we could be, nay, ile hold a wager widdow if hee were once knowne to bee in towne, hee would bee preſently ſought after, nay and happie were they, that could catch him firſt.

I thinke ſo?

Oh, there would be ſuch running to and fro widdow, hee ſhould not paſſe the ſtreetes for e'm: he'ed bee tooke vp in one great houſe or other preſently, fah, they know he has it & muſt haue it; you ſee this houſe here widdowe, this houſe and all comes to him, goodly Roomes ready furniſht, ſeeld with plaſter of paris, and all hung aboue with cloth of arras. Nephew!

Sir —

Shew the widdowe your houſe, carry her into all the Roomes, and bid her welcome,—you ſhall ſee widdow—Nephew?—ſtrike all ſure aboue and thou bee'ſt a good boye—ah—

Alaſſe ſir, I know not how ſhee would take it:

The right way I warrant tee, a poxe, art an aſſe, would I were in thy ſtead, get you vp, I am a ſhamde of you, ſo: let e'm agree as they wil now? many a match has beene ſtruck vp in my houſe a this faſhion, let e'm try all manner of waies ſtill there's nothing like an Vncles houſe to ſtrike the ſtroake in, —Ile hold my wife in talke a little, now Ginnee; your ſonne there goes a wooing to a poore Gentlewoman but of a 1000. portion, ſee my Nephew, a lad of leſſe hope, ſtrikes at foure hundred a yeare in good Rubbiſh▪

Well we muſt do as we may ſir.

Ile haue his money ready told for him, againe hee come downe, let mee ſee too, by'th maſſe I muſt preſent the widdowe with ſome Iewell, a good peece a plate or ſuch a deuice, twill harten her on wel, I haue a very faire ſtranding cup, and a good hie ſtanding cup wil pleaſe a widow aboue al other peices.

Do you mock vs with your Nephew, I haue a plot in my head ſonne, ifaith huſband to croſſe you.

Is it a tragedy plot, or a comedy plot, good mother.

Tis a plot ſhall vexe him, I charge you of my bleſſing Sonne Sam, that you preſently withdrawe the Action of your loue from Maiſter Hoords Neece.

How mother.

Nay I haue a plot in my head ifaith, here take this chain of gold and this faire diamond, dogge me the widdow home to her lodging, and at thy beſt opportunity faſten e'm both vpon her—nay I haue a Reach, I can tell you thou art knowne what thou art ſonne among the right worſhipfull; all the twelue companyes.

Truely I thanke 'em for it.

He, he's a ſcab to thee, and ſo certifie her, thou haſt two hundred a yeare of thy ſelfe, beſide thy good parts— a proper perſon and a louely, if I were a widdow I could find in my heart to haue thee my ſelfe, ſonne, I, from em all.

Thanke you for your good will mother, but in deed I had rather haue a Stranger: and if I wo her not in that Violent faſhion, that I will make her bee glad to take theſe gifts ere I leaue her, let me neuer be called the heire of your body.

Nay I know theres inough in you ſonne if you once come to put it forth.

Ile quickly make a Bolt, or a ſhaft ont.

Faith Maiſter Hoord, I haue beſtowde many months in the Suite of your Neece, ſuch was the deere loue I euer bore to her vertues, but ſince ſhe hath ſo extreamely denied me, I am to lay out for my fortunes elſe where.

Heauen forbid but you ſhould fir, I euer told you my Neece, ſtood otherwiſe affected.

I muſt confeſſe you did ſir, yet in regard of my great loſſe of time, and the zeale with which I ſought your Neece, ſhall I deſire one fauour of your worſhip.

I ſhall reſt gratefull, tis not full 3. houres ſir, ſince the happy rumour of a rich Country widdow came to my hearing.

How a rich Country widdow?

Foure hundred a yeare landed.

Yea?

Moſt firme ſir, and I haue learnt her lodging, here my ſuite begins ſir, if I might but entreate your worſhip to bee a countenance for mee, and ſpeake a good word: for your words will paſſe, I nothing doubt, but I might ſet faire for the widdowe, nor ſhall your labour ſir end altogither in thankes, two hundred Angells—

So, ſo, what ſuiters has ſhee?

There lies the comfort ſir, the report of her is yet but a whiſper, and onely ſollicited by young Riotous Wit-good, Nephew to your mortall aduerſary.

Ha? art certaine he's her ſuiter?

Moſt certaine ſir, and his Vncle very induſtrious to beguile the widdow, and make vp the match!

So? very good?

Now ſir you know this yong Wit-good is a ſpend-thrift— diſſolute fellow.

A very Raſkall:

A mid-night ſurfetter.

The ſpume of a Brothel-houſe.

True ſir? which beeing well told in your worſhippes phraze, may both heaue him out of her minde, and driue a faire way for me to the widdowes affections.

Attend me about 5.

With my beſt care ſir.

I am glad of this newes.

So are we by my faith.

Yong Wit-good will be a gallant agen now.

Peace?

I promiſe you Maiſter Cock-pit ſhe's a mighty rich widdow.

Why haue you euer heard of her.

Who widdow Medler, ſhee lies open to much rumour.

Foure hundred a yeare they ſay in very good land.

Nay tak't of my word if you beleeue that, you beleeue the leaſt.

And to ſee how cloſſe hee keepes it.

Oh ſir there's policy in that to preuent better ſuiters.

Hee owes me a hundred pound, and I proteſt I neere lookte for a pennie.

He little dreames of our comming, heele wonder to ſee his creditors vpon him.

Why alaſſe, my Creditors? could you finde no other time to vndo mee but now, rather your malice appeares in this then the iuſtneſſe of the debt.

Maiſter Wit-good I haue forborne my money long.

I pray ſpeake lowe ſir, what do you meane?

We heare you are to be married ſuddainely to a rich Country widdow?

What can bee kept ſo cloſſe but you creditors here on't, wel, tis a lamentable ſtate, that our cheifeſt afflicters ſhould firſt heare of our fortunes, why this is no good courſe yfaith ſirs, if euer you haue hope to bee ſatiſfied, why doe you ſeeke to confound the meanes that ſhould worke it, there's neither piety, no nor policy in that, ſhine fauorably now, why I may rize and ſpred agen, to your great comforts.

He ſaies true yfaith.

Remoue me now, and I conſume for euer.

Sweete Gentleman?

How can it thriue which from the Sun you ſeuer.

It cannot indeed?

Oh then ſhow patience, I ſhall haue ynough to ſatiſfie you all.

I, if we could be content a ſhame take vs.

For looke you, I am but newly ſure yet to the widdow, & what a Rend might this diſcredit make: within theſe 3. daies will I binde you lands for your ſecurities.

I know you haue beene kinde, how euer now either by wrong report, or falſe incitement your gentleneſſe is iniurde, in ſuch a ſtate as this a man cannot want foes.

Faith wee heard you brought vp a rich widdow ſir, and were ſuddainely to marry her.

I, why there it was, I knew twas ſo, but ſince you are ſo wel reſolude of my faith toward you, let me be ſo much fauor'd of you, I beſeech you all —

Oh, it ſhall not need ifaith ſir, —

As to lie ſtill a while, and bury my debts in ſilence, till I be fully poſſeſt of the widdow, for the truth is, I may tell you as my friends —

Oh—o—o—

I am to raiſe a little money in the Citty, toward the ſetting forth of my ſelfe, for mine owne credit, and your comfort, now if my former debts ſhould be diuulg'd, all hope of my proceedings were quite extinguiſht!

Do you heare ſir, I may deſerue your cuſtome heereafter, pray let my money be accepted before a ſtrangers, here's fortie pound I receiu'd as I came to you, if that may ſtand you in any ſtead make vſe on't, nay pray ſir, tis at your ſeruice —

You doe ſo rauiſh mee with kindneſſe, that I'me conſtrainde, to play the maide and take it?

Let none of them ſee it I beſeech you.

Fah—

I hope I ſhall be firſt in your remembrance after the marriage rites.

Beleeue it firmely.

So, what do you walke ſirs?

I goe—take no care ſir for money to furniſh you, within this houre ile ſend you ſufficient: come Maiſter Cock-pit wee both ſtay for you.

I ha loſt a ring ifaith, ile followe you preſently—but you ſhall finde it ſir, I know your youth and expences haue diſfurniſht you of all Iewells, ther's a Ruby of twenty pound price ſir, beſtowe it vpon your widdow, —what man, twill call vp her bloud to you, beſide if I might ſo much worke with you, I would not haue you beholding to thoſe bloud-ſuckers for any money.

Not I beleeue it.

The'ar a brace of cut-throates?

I know e'm.

Send a note of all your wants to my ſhoppe and ile ſuply you inſtantly.

Say you ſo, why here's my hand then no man liuing ſhal do't but thy ſelfe.

Shall I carry it away from e'm both then.

I faith ſhalt thou?

Troth then I thanke you ſir.

Welcome good maiſter Cock-pit!

ha, ha, ha? why is not this better now, then lying a bed, I perceiue there's nothing coniures vp wit ſooner then pouerty, and nothing laies it downe ſooner then wealth and lecherie? this has ſome ſauour yet, oh that I had the morgage from mine Vncle as ſure in poſſeſſion as theſe trifles, I would forſweare Brothel at noone day, and Muſcadine and eggs at midnight.

Maiſter Wit-good? where are you?

Rich Newes!

Would twere all in Plate,

There's ſome in chaines and Iewells, I am ſo haunted with ſhuters Maiſter Wit-good, I know not which to diſpatch firſt.

You haue the better tearme by my faith

Among the number, one Maiſter Hoord an Antient Gentleman.

Vpon my life my Vncles aduerſary.

As I could wiſh it.

Excellent,

Wench, make vp thy owne fortunes now, do thy ſelfe a good turne once in thy Dayes, hees rich in money, moueables, and lands, —marry him, he's an old doting foole, and thats worth all, marry him, twould bee a great comfort to me to ſee thee do well ifaith, —marry him, twould eaſe my conſcience well to ſee thee well deſtowd, I haue a care of thee ifaith.

Thankes ſweete maiſter Wit-good.

I reach at farder happines; firſt I am ſure it can be no harme to thee, and there may happen goodnes to me by it, proſecute it well, lets ſend vp for out witts, now we require their beſt and moſt pregnant Aſſiſtance!

Step in, I thinke I heare e'm.

Art thou the widdowes man, by my faith ſh' as a company of proper men then.

I am the worſt of ſixe ſir, good inough for blew-coates.

Harke hether, I heare ſay thou art in moſt credit with her.

Not ſo ſir.

Come, come, thou'rt modeſt, theres a Brace of royalls, prethee helpe me to'th ſpeech of her.

Go too do't I ſay, thou ſhalt heare better from me.

Is not this a better place then 5. Marke a yeare ſtanding wages; ſay a man had but 3. ſuch clients in a day, me thinkes he might make a poore liuing ont, beſide I was neuer brought vp with ſo little honeſty, to refuſe any mans mony neuer; what g • lles there are a this ſide the world, now knowe I the widdowes minde, none but my yong maſter comes in her clutches, ha, ha, ha.

Now my deere Gentlemen ſtand firmely to me, you know his follyes, and my worth.

Wee doo ſir.

But Maiſter Hoord, are you ſure he is not ith houſe now?

Y are wellcome Maiſter Hoord.

And that will driue it home,

It ſuffizes?

Nor land, nor liuing ſay you, pray take heede you do not wrong the Gentleman?

Alaſſe, how ſoone are wee poore ſoules beguild!

And for his Vncle.—

Follow hard, Gentlemen, follow hard?

Heauen knowes hee neuer meant it?

There, take her at the bound,—

Ile make her a ioynture ſay.

Hee can ioyne land to land, and will poſſeſſe you of what you can deſire.

Come widdow come.

The world is ſo deceitfull?

Pray ſir.

Come you widdowes are euer moſt back-ward, when you ſhould doe your ſelues moſt good, but were it to marry a chin not worth a haire now, then you would bee forward ynough? come, clap hands, a match.

Well ſaid, widdowe, well ſaid, thy Loue is all I ſeeke, before theſe Gentlemen.

Now I muſt hope the beſt,

My ioyes are ſuch they want to be expreſt,

But Maiſter Hoord, one thing I muſ • remember you of before theſe gentlemen your friends, how ſhall I ſuddainly auoyde the loathed Solleciting of that periurd Wit-good, and his Tedious—diſſembling Vncle, who this very uery day hath appointed a meeting for the ſame purpoſe too, where had not truth come forth I had beene vndon, vtterly vndon.

What thinke you of that Gentlemen.

Twas well deuized.

Harke thee widdow, trayne out yong Wit-good ſingle, haſten him thether with thee, ſomewhat before the hower where at the place appointed theſe Gentlemen and my ſelfe wil waite the opportunty, when by ſome ſlieght remouing him from thee we'le ſuddenly enter and ſurpriſe thee, carry thee away by boate to Coale-harbour, haue a Prieſt ready and there Clap it vp inſtantly, how lik'ſt it widdow?

In that it pleaſeth you, it likes me well.

Farwell ſir.—

Maiſter Wit-good your Vncle—

Cuds me, remoue thy ſelfe a while, ile ſerue for him?

Nephew, good morrow, Nephew?

The ſame to you kinde Vncle.

How fares the widdow, do's the meeting hold?

Oh no queſtion of that ſir?

Ile ſtrike the ſtroake then for thee, no more daies.

The ſooner the better Vncle, oh ſhee's mightily followed, —

And yet ſo little rumourd.

Mightily? here comes one old Gentleman, and heele make her a ioynture of three hundred a yeare forſooth, another welthy ſuiter wil eſtate his ſonne in his life time, and make him weigh downe the widdow, here a Merchants ſonne wil poſſeſſe, her with no leſſe then three goodly Lordſhips at once, which were all pawnes to his Father.

Peace Nephew let mee heare no more of e'm, it mads mee, thou ſhalt preuent e'm all, no words to the widdow of my comming hether, let mee ſee, tis now vpon nine, before twelue. Nephew we will haue the bargaine ſtruck, wee will faith boye.

Oh my pretious Vncle.

Neece, ſweete Neece, prethee haue a care to my houſe, I leaue al to thy diſcretion, be content to dreame a while, ile haue a huſband for thee ſhortly, put that care vpon me wench, for in chooſing wiues and huſbands I am onely fortunate, I haue that gift giuen me.

You're very welcome Gentlemen, Dick ſhowe thoſe Gentlemen the Pomgranite there,—

Hiſt—

Vp thoſe ſtaires Gentlemen.

Piſt Drawer,—

Anon ſir?

Prethe aske at the Bar, if a gentlewomā came not in lately?

William at the Bar did you ſee any Gentlewoman come in lately, ſpeake you I, ſpeake you no.

No, none came in yet but miſtres Florence.

Hee ſaies none came in yet ſir, but one Miſtres Florence.

What is that Florence? a widdow!

Yes a duch widdow.

How?

Thats an Engliſh drab ſir, giue your worſhip good morrow.

A merry knaue ifaith, I ſhall remember a dutch widdow the longeſt day of my life.

Did not I vſe moſt art to win the widdow.

You ſhall pardon mee for that ſir, Maiſter Hoord knowes I tooke her at beſt vantage.

What's that ſweete Gentlemen, what's that?

He will needs beare me downe that his art onely, wrought with the widdow moſt.

Oh you did both well Gentlemen, you did both well, I thanke you.

I was the firſt that mou'd her.

You were ifaith.

But it was I that tooke her at the bound.

I, that was you, faith Gentlemen, tis right.

I boaſted leaſt, but twas I ioynd their hands,

By'th maſſe I thinke hee did, you did all well gentlemen, you did al wel, contend no more:

Come you roomes fitteſt:

True tis next the doore?

Vp ſtaires! troth I am weary Maiſter Wit-good

Reſt your ſelfe here a while widdowe, wee'le haue a cup of Muſcadine in this little Roome.

A cup of Muſcadine, you ſhall haue the beſt ſir.

But do you heare ſirrah.

Do you call, anon ſir.

What is there prouided for dinner

I cannot readily tell you ſir, if you pleaſe, you may goe into the kitchin and ſee your ſelfe ſir, many Gentlemen of worſhip do vſe to do it, I aſſure you ſir?

A prety familiar Priggin raſkall, hee has his part without booke?

Againſt you are ready to drinck to mee, widdow, ile bee preſent to pledge you.

Nay I commend your care, tis donne well of you? aſſe what haue I forgot.

What Miſtres?

I ſlipt my wedding Ring off when I waſht, and left it at my lodging, prethee run, I ſhall be ſad without it, ſo, hee's gon!—boye?

Anon forſooth?

Come hether ſirrah, learne ſecretly if one Maiſter Hoord an antient Gentleman be about houſe?

I heard ſuch a one nam'd.

Commend me to him.

I bee do thy commendations?

Oh you come well: away, to boate, be gon.

Thus wiſemen are reueng'd giue two for one.

I muſt requeſt you ſir, to ſhow extraordinary care, my Vncle comes with Gentlemen his friends, and tis vpon a making?

If ſhee bee a Staffordſheere Gentlewoman, tis much if I know her not, —

How now, boy, drawer.

Hie?

Do you ca • l ſir?

Went the Gentlewoman vp that was here?

Out ſir?

Out ſir: one Maiſter Hoord with a guard of Gentlemen carried her out at backdoore, a pretie while ſince ſir.

Hoord, death and darkeneſſe, Hoord.

The deuill of ring I can finde?

How now, what newes, where's the widdow?

My Miſtris? is ſhe not here ſir?

More madnes yet.

Shee ſent me for a Ring.

A plot, a plot: to Boate ſhee's ſtole away.

What?

Follow, enquire, old Hoord my Vncles Aduerſary—

Nephew, what's that?

Thrice miſerable wretch.

Why what's the matter?

The widdow's borne away ſir?

Ha, paſſion of me, a heauy welcome Gentlemen.

The widdow gon?

Who durſt attempt it?

Who but old Hoord, my Vncles aduerſary?

How?

With his confederates.

So malitiouſlie.

How now you treacherous Raſcall?

That's none of my name ſir.

Poore ſoule he knew not on't.

Ime ſory, I ſee then 'twas a meere plot.

I trac'de e'm neerely.—

Well.

And heare for certaine, they haue tooke Cole-harbor.

When did I ſay my prayers? In Anno 88. when the great Armado was comming, and In Anno. 99. when the great Thundring and Lighting was I prayd heartily then ifaith, to ouerthrow Poouyes new buildings, I kneeld by my great iron cheſt I remember.

Maiſter Dampit, one may heare you, before they ſee you, you keepe ſweet howers Maiſter Dampit, we were all a bed 3 howers agoe.

Audry.

Oh yare a fine Gentleman.

So I am ifaith, and a fine Scholler, do you vſe to goe to bed Bed, ſo earely Audry?

Call you this earely Maiſter Dampit.

Why iſt not one of Clocke ith morning is not that earely inough? fetch me a glaſſe of freſh-Beere.

Here, I haue warmd your Nightcap for you maiſter Dampit.

Draw it on then—I am very weake truely, I haue not eaten ſo much as the bulke of an Egge theſe 3. dayes.

You haue drunke the more Maiſter Dampit,

Whats that?

You mought, and you would Maiſter Dampit.

I anſwer you I cannot, hold your prating, you prat too much, and vnderſtand too litle, are you anſwered, —giue me a glaſſe of beare.

May I aske you how you doe Maiſter Dampit?

How do I? ifaith naught.

I nere knenw you do otherwiſe,

I eate not one pennort of bread theſe 2. yeares, giue me a glaſſe of freſh beere,—I am not ſicke, nor I am not well.—

Take ths warme Napken about your necke ſir, whilſt I helpe to make you vnready.

What ſay I Maiſter Dampit? I ſay nothing but that you are very weake,

Faith thou haſt more cunny catching deuices then all London?

Why Maiſter Dampit I neuer deceiu▪d you in al my life?

VVhy was that? becauſe I neuer did truſt thee.

I care not what you ſay Maiſter Dampit?

Hold thy prating, I anſwere thee, thou art a beggar, a queane, and a bawde: are you anſwerd.

Fie Maiſter Dampit, a Gentleman and haue ſuch words.

VVhy thou baſe drudge of infortunity, thou kitchin-ſtuffe drab of Beggery, Roguery & cockſcombre, thou Cauerneſed queane of foolery, knauery and baudreaminy, ile tell thee what, I will not giue a lowſe for thy fortunes:

No, maiſter Dampit, and there's a Gentleman comes a wooing to me, and he doubts nothing but that you will get mee from him:

I, if I would either haue thee or lie with thee for two thouſand pound, would I might bee dambd, why thou baſe impudent queane of foolery, flattery, and cockſcombry, are you anſwerd?

Come will you riſe and goe to bed ſir?

Riſe, and go to bed too Audry? how do's Miſters Proſerpine?

Fooh—

She's as fine a Philoſipher of a ſtinkards wife, as any within the liberties,—fah, fah Audry:

How now Maiſter Dampit?

Fie vpon't, what a choiſe of ſtinckes here is, what haſt thou don Audry fie vppon't, here's a choice of ſtinckes indeed; giue me a glaſſe of freſh Beere, and then I wil to bed:

It waites for you aboue ſir?

Foh, I thinke they burne hornes in Barnards Inne, if euer I ſmelt ſuch an abhominable ſtinck, vſury forſake me:

They be the ſtincking nailes of his trampling feete, and he talkes of burning of hornes:

Hoord?

Vpon my life, my aduerſary, Gentlemen.

Gentlemen keepe'm out.

Hee comes vpon his death that enters here.

My friends aſſiſt me.

Hee has aſſiſtants, Gentlemen.

Tut, nor him, nor them, we in this action feare.

Shall I in peace, ſpeake one word with the widow?

Husband and Gentlemen, heare me but a word.

Freely ſweete wife.

Let him in peaceably, you know we're ſure, from any act of his.

Moſt true,

You may ſtand by and ſmile at his old weakeneſſe, let mee alone to anſwere him.

Good gullery?

Vpon calme conditions let him in.

All ſpite and malice—

I do vow it.

Then enter and talke freely, here ſhe ſtands.

Oh Maiſter Hoord, your ſpite has wacht the houre, your excellent at vengeance Maiſter Hoord.

Ha, ha, ha.

Broke you for this?

Why ſay it did, you might haue knowne my minde; I could haue ſoone reſtorde it.

I had I but ſeene any ſuch thing perform'd why twould haue tyed my affection and contaynd me in my firſt deſires, doe you thinke ifayth, that I could twine ſuch a dry, oake as this, had promiſe in your Nephew tooke effect:

Why and there's no time paſt, and rather then my aduerſary ſhould thus thw'art my hopes, I would —

Weele pawne our credits widdow, what he ſpeakes ſhall be performde in fullneſſe.

When I ſhall heare this done, I ſhall ſoone yeeld, to reaſonable tearmes.

I, with all my heart.

He ſhall ſee all performde and bring you word.

Thats all I waite for.

What haue you finiſht Maiſter Lucre? ha, ha, ha, ha!

So, laugh Hoord, laugh at your poore enimy, do, the winde may turne you may be laught at too, yes marry may you ſir—ha, ha, ha?

Faith ſpoke to eaſe his minde,—

Oh—o—o—

You know now, little to any purpoſe.

True, true, true.

He would do mountaines now.

I, I, I, I.

Y'aue ſtruck him dead Maſter Hoord.

I and his Nephew deſperate:

O man in lamentation father?

How!

He thumpes his breſt like a gallant Dicer that has loſt his doublet, and ſtands in's ſhirt to do pennance:

Alaſſe poore gentleman.

I warrant, you may heare him ſigh in a ſtill euening to your houſe at Hyegate.

I prethe ſend him in.

Were it to do a greater matter, I will not ſtick with you ſir, in regard you married my Mother?

Sweete Gentlemen cheere him vp, I will but fetch the morgage, and returne to you inſtantly.

Why how Maiſter Wit-good, fie, you a firme ſcholler, and an vnderſtanding Gentleman, and giue your beſt partes to paſſion.

Come fie?

Oh Gentlemen!—

Sorrow of mee what a ſigh was there ſir, nine ſuch widdowes are not worth it.

To be borne from me by that lecher Hoord.

I beſeech you Gentlemen.

Cheere thy ſelfe man, there's hope of her ifayth?

To gladſome, to be true.

Nephew what cheere? alaſſe poore Gentleman how art thou changd? call thy freſh bloud into thy cheekes agen, ſhee comes—

I thats it mads mee, ſpites mee? ile ſpend my wealth, e're he ſhall carry her ſo, becauſe I know tis onely to ſpite me, I this is it,—here Nephew, before theſe kinde Gentlemen I deliuer in your morgage, my promiſe to the widdow, ſee tis done, be wiſe your once more Maiſter of your owne, the widdow ſhall perceiue now, you are not altogither ſuch a beggar as the world reputes you, you can make ſhift to bring her to 300. a yeare ſir.

Berlady and thats no toye ſir:

A word Nephew?

Now you may certifye the widdow?

You muſt conceiue it a right Nephewe now, to doe you good, I am content to do this.

I know it ſir?

I thats moſt certaine.

Much money layde out, beſide maney a iourney to fetch the rent, I hope youle thinke on't Nephew.

I were worſe then a beaſt elſe ifayth.

Although to blinde the widdow and the world I out of policy doote, yet there's a conſcience Nephew.

Heaven forbid elſe.

Alaſſe a thing quickly done Vncle.

Well ſayd,—you know I giue it you but in truſt.

No.

That is, you truſt me with it.

True, true:

But if euer I truſt you with it agen, would I might bee truſt vp for my labour.

You can all witneſſe Gentlemen, and you ſir yeoman?

My life for yours ſir now, I know my Miſtriſſes minde to well toward your Nephew, let things be in preparation, and ile traine her hether in moſt excellent faſhion:

A good old boy,—wife Girnne?

Whats the newes ſir?

The wedding daies at hand, prethee ſweete wife, expreſſe thy houſwifery, thou'rt a fine Cooke I knowte, thy firſt husband married thee out of an Aldermans kitchin, go too, he raiſde thee for rayſing of paſte, what, here's none but friends, moſt of our beginnings muſt bee winckt at, Gentlemen I enuite you all to my Nephewes wedding againſt Thurſday morning:

Withall our hearts, and wee ſhall ioye to ſee your enimy ſo mockt:

He laught at me, gentlemen, ha, ha, ha:

Ile wayte theſe 7. howers but Ile ſee him caught,

Faith ſo will I.

Hang him prodigall, he's ſtript of the Widdow.

A my Troth ſhees the wiſer, ſhe has made the happier choyſe, and I wonder of what Stuffe thoſe widdowes hearts are made of, that wil marry vnfledgd Boies, before comely thrumbchind Gentlemen.

Newes, newes newes,

What boye?

The Rioter is caught.

So, ſo, ſo, ſo, it warmes me at the heart, I loue a life to ſee Dogs vpon men; oh here hee comes.

My laſt ioy was ſo great it tooke away the ſence of all future afflictions, what a day is here orecaſt? how ſoone a black tempeſt riſes?

Oh wee may ſpeake with you now ſir, whats become of your rich widdow, I thinke you may caſt your cap at the widdow, may you not ſir.

He a rich widdow? who a prodigall, a dayly Rioter, and a nightly vomiter, he a widow of account? he a hole ith counter.

You do well my maiſters, to tiranize ouer miſery to afflect the affl • cted, tis a cuſtome you haue here amongſt you, I would wiſh you neuer leaue it and I hope youle do as I bid you

Come, come ſir, what ſay you extempore now to your bill of a hundred pound: a ſweet debt, for froating your doublets.

Here's mine of forty,

Here's mine of fifty.

Pray ſirs▪ youle giue me Breath.

No ſir, wel'e keepe you out of breath ſtill, then we ſhall be ſure you will not run away from vs.

Will you but here me ſpeake?

Giue me but reaſonable time, and I proteſt Ile make you ample Satiſfaction.

Do you talke of Reaſonable time to vs?

Tis true, beaſts know no reaſonable time,

Wee muſt haue either mony or carcaſſe.

Alaſſe what good will my carcaſſe do you?

Oh tis a Secret delight we haue amongſt vs, we that are vſde to keepe birds in cages, haue the heart to keepe men in priſon, I warrant you.

I perceiue I muſt craue a litle more Ayde from my wits, do but make ſhift for me this once, and Ile forſweare euer to trouble you in the like faſhion hereafter, Ile haue better employment for you, and I liue. Youle giue me leaue my maiſters to make Tryall of my friends and raiſe all meanes I can.

Thats our deſires ſir.

Maiſter Wit-good.

Oh art thou come!

May I ſpeake one word with you in priuate ſir?

No by my faith canſt thou. I am in hell here and the Deuills will not let me Come to thee.

Do you call vs diuuills, you ſhall find vs Puritanes beare him away, let em talke as they go, we'le not ſtand to heare 'em, ah ſir, am I a deuile, I ſhall thinke the better of my ſelfe as long as I liue, a Deuill ifaith.

What a Sweet bleſſing haſt thou Maiſter Hoord aboue a multitude, wilt thou neuer be thankeful? how doſt thou thinke to be bleſt another time? or doſt thou count this the full meaſure of thy hapines by my troth I thinke thou doeſt▪ not only a wife large in poſſeſſions, but ſpatious in content, ſhe's rich, ſhe's yong, ſhe's fayre, ſhe's wife, when I wake I thinke of her lands that reuiues me, when I go to bed, I dreame of her beauty, and thats ynough for me, ſhe's worth 4. hundred a yeare in her very ſmock, if a man knewe how to vſe it, but the iourney will bee all introth into the Country, to ride to her Lands in ſtate and order following my Brother & other worſhipfull Gentlemen whoſe companies I ha ſent downe for already, to ride along with vs, in their goodly Decorum beards, their broad Veluet chaſhocks, and chaines of gold twice or thrice double; againſt which time, ile entertaine ſome ten men of mine own, into Liueries, all of occupations or qualities, I will not keepe an idle man about mee, the ſight of which will ſo vexe my Aduerſary Lucre, for weele paſſe by his dore of purpoſe, make a little ſtand for nonce, & haue our horſes Curuet before the window, certainly he will neuer endure it, but run vp & hang himſelf preſently? how now ſirra? what newes? any that offer their ſeruice to me yet.

Yes ſir, there are ſome ith hall, that waite for your worſhips liking, and deſire to be entertainde.

Are they of occupation?

They are men fit for your worſhip ſir.

Sayſt ſo? ſend e'm all in!—to ſee ten men ride after mee in watchet liueries with Orenge-tawny capes, twill cut his combe ifayth, how now? of what occupation are you ſir.

A Taylor, an't pleaſe your worſhip.

A taylor, oh very good, you ſhall ſerue to make all the Liueries—what are you ſir?

A Barber ſir.

A Barber very needefull, you ſhall ſhaue all the houſe, and if neede require ſtand for a Reaper ith Sommer time,— You ſir?

A Perfumer?

I ſmelt you before, Perſumers of all men had neede carry themſelues vprightly, for if they were once knaues they would be ſmelt out quickly, —to you ſir?

A Fawlkner an't pleaſe your worſhip—

Sa ho, ſa ho, ſa ho—and you ſir?

A Huntſman ſir.

There boy, there boye, there boye? I am not ſo old but I haue pleaſant daies to come, I promiſe you my Maiſters I take ſuch a good liking to you, that I entertaine you all, I put you already into my countenance, and you ſhall be ſhortly in my liuerie? but eſpecially you two my • olly Fawlkner, and my bonny huntſman, wee ſhall haue moſt neede of you at my wifes Mannor-houſes ith Country, there's goodly parkes and Champion-grounds for you, we ſhall haue all our ſports within our ſelues, all the Gentlemen ath Country ſhall bee beholding to vs and our paſtimes:

And weele make you worſhip admire ſir:

Sayſt thou • o do but make mee admire, and thou ſhalt want for nothing,—my Taylor?

Anon ſir.

Go preſently in hand with the liueries.

I will ſir.

My Barber.

Here ſir.

Make e'm all trim fellowes, lowſe e'm well, eſpecially my huntſman, and cut all their beards of the Polonian faſhion: my perfumer:

Vnder your noſe ſir:

Caſt a better ſauour vpon the knaues, to take away the ſent of my Taylors feete, and my Barbers Lotium-water:

It ſhall be carefully performde ſir.

But you my Faulkner and Huntſman, the welcomſt men aliue ifayth:

And weele ſhow you that ſir, ſhall deſerue your worſhippes fauour?

I prethee ſhow mee that: goe you knaues all, and waſh your lungs ith Buttery, go—byth maſſe, and well remembred, ile aske my wife that queſtion, wife, Miſtrs Iane Hoord!

Sir? would you with me.

I would but know ſweet wife, which might ſtād beſt to thy liking, to haue the wedding dinner kept here or ith Country?

Hum? faith ſir twould like me better here, here you were married, here let all rites be ended.

Could a Marqueſſe giue a better anſwere? Hoord beare thy head aloft, thou'ſt a wife will aduance it, what haſte comes here now? yee a letter: ſome dregge of my Aduerſaries malice: come hether, whats the newes!

A thing that concernes my Miſtris ſir.

Why then it concernes me knaue?

I and you knaue too, (cry your worſhippe mercy) you are both like to come into trouble I promiſe you ſir, a praecontract

I feare they haue too much proofe on't ſir, old Lucre he runs mad vp and downe and will to lawe as faſt as he can, yong Wit-good layde hold on by his creditors, hee exclaymes vpon you a tother ſide, ſaies you haue wrought his vndoing, by the iniurious detayning of his contract.

Body a me?

Alaſſe his creditors ſo mercileſſe, my ſtate beeing yet vncertaine, I deeme it not vnconſcionable to furder him.

True ſir—

Wife, what ſaies that letter let me conſtrue it.

Wife—

A prety ſhift yfaith, I commend a woman when ſhee can make away a letter from her huſband handſomely, and this was cleanely done by my troth.

Of what force? let me ezamine e'm.

Too ſtrong I feare, would I were well free'd of him.

Shall I compound?

Where? how? deere wife.

Hee is now caught by his creditors, the ſlaue's needie, his debts petty, hee'le rather binde himſelfe, to all inconueniences then rot in pryſon, by this onely meanes you may get a releaſe from him, 'tis not yet come to his Vncles hearing, ſend ſpeedily for the creditors, by this time hee's diſperate, hee'le ſet his hand to any thing, take order for his debts, or diſcharge e'm quite, a pax on him, lets be rid of a raskall.

Excellent, thou doſt aſtoniſh mee, go, runne, make haſt, bring both the creditors and Wit-good hether.

This will be ſome reuenge yet.

In the meane ſpace Ile haue a releaſe drawne-within there.

Sir.

Sirrah, come take derictions, goe to my Scriuener.

What would you with me now, my Vncles ſpitefull aduerſary.

Nay I am friends,

I when your miſcheifes ſpent.

I heard you were arreſted.

Wel, what then? you wil pay none of my debts I am ſure.

Out you penurious ſlaue.

Shall I remember thee of an other promiſe far ſtronger then the firſt.

Ide faine knowe that.

Twould call ſhame to thy cheeks.

Shame.

Harke in your ear.—will hee come of thinkſt thou, and pay my Debts roundly.

Doubt nothing, theres a Releaſe a drawing and all to which you muſt ſet your hand.

Excellent.

But mee thinkes ifaith you might haue made ſome ſhift to diſcharge this your ſelfe, hauing in the morgage, and neuer haue burdned my conſcience with it.

A my troth I could not, for my creditors cruelties extend to the preſent.

No more,—why do your worſt for that, I defie you.

Y'are impudent, ile call vp witneſſes.

Call vp thy wits for thou haſt beene deuoted to follies a long time.

Wife, y'are too bitter? Maiſter Wit-good, and you my Maiſters, you ſhal heare a milde ſpeech come from me now, and this it is, tas beene my fortune, Gentlemen, to haue an extraordinary bleſſing powr'd vpon me alate, and here ſhe ſtands, I haue wedded her and bedded her, & yet ſhe is little the worſe, ſome fooliſh wordes ſhee hath paſt to you in the Country, and ſome peeuiſh debts you owe here in the Citty, ſet the Hares head to the Gooſe—giblet, releaſe you her of her words, and ile releaſe you of your debts ſir:

Would you ſo, I thanke you for that ſir, I cannot blame you ifayth.

Why are not debts better then words ſir?

Are not words promiſes, and are not promiſes debts ſir.

He plaies at back-Racket with me.

Come hether Maiſter Wit-good come hether, be rulde by fooles once:

We are Cittizens and know what belong toote.

Take hold of his offer pax on her, let her goe, if your debts were once diſcharg'd, I would helpe you to a widdow my ſelfe worth ten of her.

Maſſe partner and now you remember mee on't, there's Maiſter Muligrubs ſiſter newly falne a widdow.

Cuds mee, as pat as can be, there's a widdow left for you, ten thouſand in mony, beſide Plate, Iewells et caetera I warrant it a match, wee can do all in all with her, prethee diſpatch weele carry thee to her preſently.

My Vncle wi • l nere endure me, when he ſhall heare I ſet my hand to a releaſe:

Harke, ile tell thee a Trick for that, I haue ſpent fiue hundred pound in ſuites in my time, I ſhould be wiſe, thou it now a priſoner, make a releaſe, takte of my worde, whatſoeuer a man makes as long as he is in durance, tis nothing in lawe, not thus much.

Say you ſo ſir?

I haue payde for't I know't.

Proceede then, I conſent.

Why wel ſayde:

How now my Maiſters, what haue you done with him?

With much a doe ſir, we haue got him to conſent.

Ah—a—a,— and what came his debts to now?

Some eight ſcore od pounds ſir.

Nau, nau, nau, nau, naw, tell me the ſecond time, giue me a lighter ſomme, they are but deſperate debts you know, neere cald in but vpon ſuch an accident, a poore needy knaue hee would ſtarue and rot in priſon, come, come, you ſhall haue ten ſhillings in the pound and the ſomme downe roundly—

You muſt make it a marke ſir,—

Go too then, tell your mony in the meane time, you ſhall finde little leſſe there,—come Maiſter Wit-good you are ſo vnwilling to do your ſelfe good now, welcome honeſt Scriuener, now you ſhall heare the releaſe read,—

Be it known, to al men by theſe preſents, that I Theodorus Wit-good, Gentleman, ſole Nephew to Pecunious Lucre, hauing vniuſtly made title and claime, to one Iane Medler, late widdow of Anthory Medler, and now wife to Walkadine Hoord, in conſideration of a competent ſom of mony to diſcharge my debts, do for euer hereafter diſclaime any title, right, eſtate, or intereſt in or to the ſayd widdow late in the occupation of the ſayd Anthony Medler, and now in the occupation of Walkadine Hoord, as alſo neither to laye claime, by vertue of any former contract, grant, promiſe or demiſe, to any of her Mannor, Mannorhouſes, Parkes, Groues, Meadow-grounds, arrable lands, Barnes, ſtacks, Stables, Doue-holes, and Cunny-borrowes, togither with al her cattell, money, plate, iewells, borders, chaines, bracelets, furnitures, hangings, moueables, or immouerables in wittneſſe wherof I the ſayd Theodorus Wit-good, haue enterchangeably ſet to my hand and ſeale before theſe preſents, the daie, & date aboue written.

What a pretious fortune haſt thou ſlipt here like a beaſt as thou art?

Come, vnwilling heart come.

Oh as vaine a thing as can bee, you cannot commit a greater abſurdity ſir,—ſo, ſo, giue mee that hand now, before al theſe preſents I am friends for euer with thee.

Troth, and it were pit • y of my heart now, if I ſhould beare you any grudge yfaith.

Content, ile ſend for thy Vncle againſt the wedding dinner, we will be friends once agen.

I hope to bring it to paſſe my ſelfe ſir?

How now? iſt right my maſters?

Tis ſomthing wanting ſir, yet it ſhall be ſufficient.

Why well ſayd, a good conſcience makes a fine ſhowe now a daies, come my Maiſters you ſhall all—taſt of my wine ere you depart.

We follow you ſir?

Ile try theſe fellowes now, —a word ſir, what will you carry me to that widdow now?

Why do you thinke we were in earneſt yfaith? carry you to a rich widdow, wee ſhould get much credit by that; a noted Rioter a contemptible prodigall, twas a Trick we haue amongſt vs, to get in our mony, fare you well ſir.

Farewell and be hangd, you ſhort-pig-hayrde Ram-headed raskalls, he that beleeues in you, ſhall nere be ſau'd I warrant him, by this new league, I ſhall haue ſome acceſſe vnto my loue —

Maiſter Wit-good?

My life.

Meete me preſently, that note directs you, I would not be ſuſpected our happineſſe attends vs, farewell?

A words ynough.

Trahe, traheto, drawe the Curtaine, giue mee a ſippe of Sack more.

But I thinke the deuill had no ſteele Bedſtaffes, he goes beyond him for that.

Nay doe but marke the conceite of his drincking, one muſt wipe his mouth for him with a muckinder, do you ſee ſir.

Is this the ſick trampler, why he is onely bed-red with drincking.

True ſir, he ſpies vs.

What? ſir Triſtram? you come and ſee a weake man here, a very weake man,—

If you be weake in body, you ſhould be ſtrong in prayer ſir.

Oh, I haue pray'd too much poore man.

There's a taſt of his ſoule for you.

Fah, loathſome?

I come to borrow a hundred pound of you ſir.

Ha, ha, ha.

Out you gernatiue queane, the mullipood of villany, the Spinner of concupiſcency.

Yee gentlemen are you here before vs? how is hee now?

Faith the ſame man ſtill, the Tauerne bitch has bit him ith head.

Wee ſhall haue the better ſport with him, peace, and how cheeres Maiſter Dampit now?

Oh, my boſome ſir Lancelot, how cheere I? thy preſence is reſtoratiue:

But I heare a great complaint of you Maiſter Dampit, among gallants.

I am glad of that ifayth; —prethee what?

They ſay you are waxte proud alate, and if a friend viſit you in the after-noone, you'le ſcarce know him.

Fie, fie, proud? I cannot remember any ſuch thing, ſure I was drunck then.

Thinke you ſo ſir?

There twas ifayth, nothing but the pride of the Sack and ſo certifie e'm, fetch Sack ſirrah.

A vengeance Sack you once.

Why Maiſter Dampit if you hold on as you begin, and lie a little longer, you neede not take care how to diſpoſe your wealth, you'le make the Vintner your heire.

Good words Maiſter Dampit, to ſpeake before a maide and a virgin.

Hang thy virginity, vpon the pole of carnality.

Sweete tearmes, my Miſtris ſhall know e'm.

Note but the miſery of this vſuring ſlaue, here hee lies like a noyſome dunghill, full of the poyſon of his druncken blaſphemies, and they to whome he bequeathes all, grudge him the very meate that feedes him, the very pillow that eaſes him, here may a vſurer behold his end, what profits it to be a ſlaue in this world, and a deuil ith next.

Sir Lancelot? let me buſſe thee ſir Lancelot, thou art the onely friend that I honor and reſpect.

I thanke you for that Maiſter Dampit.

Farewell my boſome ſir Lancelot.

Gentlemen, and you loue mee, let mee ſtep behinde you, and one of you fall a talking of me to him.

Content—Maiſter Dampit.

So ſir.

Here came ſir Lancelot to ſee you e'en now.

Hang him raskall.

Who ſir Lancelot.

Pythagoricall raskall.

Pythagoricall?

I he changes his cloake when he meetes a Sergiant.

What a rogues this?

I wonder you can raile at him ſir, he comes in loue to ſee you.

A louſe for his loue, his father was a Combe-maker, I haue no neede of his crawling loue, hee comes to haue longer day, the ſuperlatiue raskall:

Sfoote I can no longer endure the rogue, Maiſter Dampit, I come to take my leaue once agen ſir?

Who? my deere and kinde Sir Lancelot? the onely Gentleman of England, let me hug thee, farewell and a thouſand.

Compoſde of wrongs and ſlauiſh flatteries.

Nay Gentlemen, he ſhall ſhow you more Tricks yet, ile giue you another taſt of him:

I'ſt poſſible?

His memory is vpon departing.

Another cup of Sack.

Inough.

One Cup more, and then let the Bell toale, I hope I ſhall be weake inough by that time.

Maiſter Dampit.

Is the Sack ſpouting.

Tis comming forward ſir,—heres a countryman a client of yours, waytes for your deepe and profound aduice ſir.

A cockſcombry? where is he? let him approch, ſet me vp a pegge higher.

You muſt draw nere ſir.

Now good-man fooleaminy, what ſay you to me now

Pleaſe your good worſhip, I am a poore man ſir.—

What make you in my Chamber then?

I would entreate your worſhips deuice in a iuſt and honeſt cauſe ſir.—

I meddle with no ſuch matters, I refer e'm, to Maiſter No-mans Office.

I had but one houſe left me in all the world ſir which was my fathers, my Grand-fathers, my great Grandfathers, and now a Villaine has vniuſtly wrung me out, and tooke poſſeſſion out.

Has he ſuch feates? thy beſt courſe is to bring thy eiectione firme, and in Seauen yeare thou mayſt ſhoue him out by the Law.

Alaſſe, ant pleaſe your worſhip, I haue ſmall friends and leſſe mony.

Hoyda, this geere will fadge well, haſt no money, why then my aduice is thou muſt ſet fire ath houſe & ſo get him out.

That will breake ſtrife indeed,

I thanke your worſhip for your hot Counſell ſir.— altring but my voyce alitle, you ſee he knew me not, you may obſerue by this that a drunkards memory, holds longer in the voyce then in the perſon, but Gentlemen ſhall I ſhow you a ſight, behold the litle diue-dapper of Damnation, Gulfe the vſurer, for his time worſe then tother.

What's he comes with him?

Why Hoord, that maried lately the widdowe medler.

Now gentlemen viſitants? how dos maiſter Dampit?

faith here hee lies e'n drawing—in ſir, good canary as faſt as hee can ſir, a very weake creature truely, hee is almoſt paſt memory.

Fie Maiſter Dampit: you lie lazing a bed here, and I come to enuite you to my wedding dinner, vp, vp, vp.

Whoſe this maiſter Hoord! who haſt thou married in the name of foolery.

A rich widdow.

A Duch widdow.

A ritch widdow,—one widdow medler.

Medler ſhe keepes open houſe.

She did I can tell you in her tother husbands dayes, open houſe for all comers, horſe and man was welcome, and Roome inough for em all.

Theres to much for thee then, thou mayſt let out ſome to thy Neighbours.

What? hung a liue in chaynes O Spectacle, bed ſtaffs of ſteele, O monſtrum, horrendum, Informe, Ingens cui Lumen ademptum, O Dampit, Dampit, heres a Iuſt iudgment, ſhowne vpon vſury, extortion, and trampling Villany.

This exlent, theefe rayles vpon the Theefe.

Is this the end of cut throate Vſury, Brothell, and blaſphemy? now maiſt thou ſee what Race a Vſurer runnes.

Why thou Rogue of vniuerſality, do not I know thee? thy Sound is like the cuckowe, the welch Embaſſador, thou cowardly ſlaue that offers to fight with a ſicke man when his weapons downe: rayle vpon me in my naked bed? why thou great Lucifers litle vicar, I am not ſo weake but I know a knaue at firſt ſight, thou Inconſcionable Raskall, thou that goeſt vpon middleſex Iuryes, and will make haſt to giue vp thy verdit, becauſe thou wilt not looſe thy dinner, are you anſwered?

Ant twere not for ſhame.—

Thou wouldſt be hangd then.

Nay you muſt exercize patience Maiſter Gulfe, alwayes in a ſick-mans Chamber.

'Heele quarrell with none I warrant you, but thoſe that are bedred.

Here wilbe a ſweet fraie anon, Ile leaue you gentlemen.

Nay wel'e a long with you, Maiſter Gulfe.

Hang him vſuring raskall.

Puſh, ſet your Strenght to his, your wit to his.

Pray Gentlemen depart, his howers come vpon him, ſleepe in my boſome, ſleepe.

A litle thing would make me beat him, now he's aſleep.

You ouer-rule me gentlemen ifaith.

I ſhall haue great ioy there, when he has borne away the widdow.

Whats nothing ſo ſir, is not he maried to the widdow.

No by my troth is he not Vncle.

How?

Will you haue the truth out, he is married to a whore ifaith.

I ſhould laugh at that.

Vncle, let me periſh in your fauour if you find it not ſo and that tis I that haue married the honeſt woman.

Ha? Ide walke ten mile a foot to ſee that ifaith.

And ſee'te you ſhall, or Ile nere ſee you agen.

A Queane ifaith? ha, ha, ha.

Pup, pup, pup, pup, I like not this wine, is there neuer a better Teirs in the houſe.

Yes ſir, there are as good Teirs in the houſe, as any are in England.

Deſire your miſtris you knaue, to taſt e'm all ouer, ſhe • has better Skill.

Arthur, is the cupbard of plate ſet out,

Al's inorder ſir.

I am in loue with my Liueryes euery time I thinke on e'm, they make a gallant ſhow by my troth.—Neece.

Do you call ſir?

Prethee ſhow a litle diligence, and ouer-looke the knaues a litle, theile filtch and ſteale to day and ſend whole paſties home to their wiues, and thou bee'ſt a good Neece, do not ſee me purloynd.

Feare it not ſir, I haue cauſe, tho the feaſt bee prepared for you, yet it ſerues fit for my wedding dinner too.

Maiſter Lamprey, and Maiſter Spichcocke two the moſt welcome gentlemen aliue, your fathers and mine were all free a • h Fiſhmongers.

They were indeed ſir, you ſee bould gueſtes ſir, ſoone intreated

And thats beſt ſir—how now ſirrah?

Ther's a coach come to'th doore ſir.

My Ladie Foxeſtone a my life. Miſtris Iane Hoord, wife, maſſe tis her Ladyſhip indeed, Madame you are welcome to an vnfurniſht houſe, dearth of cheere, ſcarcſity of attendance.

You are pleaſd to make the worſt ſir.

Wife.

Is this your Bride.

Yes Maddam ſalute my Lady Foxtone.

Pleaſe you Madam a while to taſt the ayre in the garden?

Twill pleaſe vs well.

So we bachilers thinke that are not troubled with them

Your worſhips brother with an other antient Gentleman, are newly allighted Sir.

Maiſter Oneſiphorus Hoord, why now our company begins to come in: my deere and kind brother welcome ifaith.

You ſee we are men at an hower brother.

I, Ile ſay that for you brother you keepe as good an hower to come to a feaſt, as any Gentleman in the Sheere▪ what ould Maiſter Limber and Maiſter Kicks, doe wee meete ifaith Iolly Gentlemen?

Oh welcome, welcome, wee lack ſtill ſuch gueſſe as your worſhips.

Ah ſirrah brother, haue you catcht vp widdow Medler.

From e'm all brother, and I may tell you, I had mighty enemies, thoſe that ſtuck ſore, old Lucre is a ſore foxe I can tell you brother.

Where is ſhe, ile go ſeeke her out, I long to haue a ſmack at her lips.

And moſt wiſhfully brother ſee where ſhe comes, giue her a ſmerck now we may heare it all the houſe ouer.

Oh heauen, I am betrayde, I know that face.

Ha, ha, ha, why how now? are you both a ſhamde? come Gentlemen, weele looke another way—

Nay Brother, harke you, come y'are diſpoſde to be merrie?

Why do we meete elſe man?

That's another matter, I was nere ſo fread in my life but that you had beene in earneſt.

How meane you brother?

You ſayd ſhe was your wife?

Did I ſo? by my troth and ſo ſhe is.

By your troth Brother?

What reaſon haue I to diſſemble with my friends, brother, if marriage can make her mine, ſhe is mine? why?

Troth I am not well of a ſuddaine? I muſt craue pardon brother, I came to ſee you, but I cannot ſtay dinner yfaith.

I hope you will not ſerue mee ſo brother.

By your leaue Maiſter Hoord.

What now? what now? pray Gentlemen, you were wont to ſhow your ſelues wiſemen.

But you haue ſhowne your folly too much here.

How?

This growes too deepe pray let vs reach the ſence.

In your old age doate on a Curtizan—

Ha?

Marry a Srumpet?

Gentlemen!

And Wit-goods queane:

Oh, nor Lands, nor liuing?

Speake?

Out, out, I am cheated, infinitely couzned.

Nay Maſter Hoord:

A dutch widdow, a dutch widdow, a dutch widdow:

Why Nephew ſhall I trace thee ſtill a lier? wilt make mee mad is not yon thing the widdow.

Why la, you are ſo hard a beleefe Vncle, by my troth ſhe's a whore.

Then thou'rt a knaue:

Negatur Argumentum Vncle.

Probo tibi, Nephew: Hee that knowes a woman to bee a queane muſt needes bee a knaue, thou ſayſt thou knowſt her to bee one, ergo if ſhee bee a queane thou'rt a knaue:

Negatur, ſequela maioris, Vncle, hee that knowes a woman to be a queane, muſt needes be a knaue, I deny that.

Lucre, and Wit-good, y'are both villaines, get you out of my houſe:

Why didſt not inuite me to thy wedding dinner?

And are not you and I ſworne perpetuall friends before wittneſſe ſir, and were both drunck vpon't.

Daintily abuſde y'aue put a Iunt vpon me:

Ha, ha, ha:

A common ſtrumpet?

Nay now you wrong her ſir▪ if I were ſhee ide haue the lawe on you for that, I durſt depoſe for her, ſhee nere had common vſe, nor common thought.

Brother?

Alaſſe ſir, I was prick tin conſcience to ſee her well beſtowd▪ and where could I beſtowe her beter then vpon your pittifull worſhip: excepting but my ſelfe, I dare ſweare ſhees a Virgin, and now by marrying your Neece I haue baniſht my ſelfe for euer from her, ſhe's mine Aunt now by my faith, and theres no Medling with mine Aunt you know, a ſinne againſt my Nuncle.

A, heres a leſſon Rioter for you.