A ryght pithy, pleasaunt and merie comedie: intytuled Gammer gurtons nedle played on stage, not longe a go in Christes Colledge in Cambridge. Made by Mr. S. Mr. of Art.

A Ryght Pithy, Pleasaunt and merie Comedie: Intytuled Gammer gurtons Needle: Played on Stage, not longe ago in Christes Colledge in Cambridge.

Made by Mr•. S. Mr. of Art.

Impr • nted at London in Fleetestreat beneth the Conduit at the signe of S. Iohn Euangelist by Thomas Colwell.

¶The names of the Speakers in this Comedie. ¶Diccon the Bedlem. ¶Hodge Gammer Gurtons seruante. ¶Tyb Gammer Gurtons mayde. ¶Gammer Gurton. ¶Docke Gammer Gurtons boye. ¶Dame Chatte, ¶Doctor Rat the Curate. ¶Mayster Baylye. ¶Doll Dame Chattes mayde. ¶Scapethryft mayst Beylies seruante.

¶Mu • es.

¶God Saue the Queene.

¶The Prologue. AS Gāmer Gurton, with manye a wyde styche Sat pesynge & patching of Hodgher mās briche By chance or misfortune as shes her grare to •• In Hodge lether bryches her needle shee lost▪ When Diccon the bedlem had hard by report That good Gāmer Gurton was • ob • e in thys sorte, He quyetly perswaded with her in that stound Dame Chat her deare gossyp this needle had found, Yet knew shee no more of this matter (alas) Then knoeth Tom our clarke what the Priest saith at masse Here of there ensued so fearfull a fraye, Mas Doctor was sent for these gossyps to staye, Because he was Curate, and estemed full wyse Who found that he sought not, by Diccous deuice, When all thinges were tombled and cleane out of fassion Whether it were by fortune, or some other constellacion Sodenlye the neele Hodge found by the prickynge And drew it out of his bottocke where he felt it stickynge Theyr hartes then at rest with perfect securytie, With a pot of good nale they stroake vp theyr plauditie.

¶ The fyrst Acte.

The fyrst Sceane. ¶Diccon. Diccon MAny a myle haue I walked, diuers and sundry wai •• And many a good mās house haue I bin at in my daies Many a gossips cup in my tyme haue I tasted An • many a broche and spyt, haue I both turned and basted Many a peece of • acon haue I had out of thir balkes In ronnyng ouer the countrey, with long and were walkes, Yet came my foote n • uer, within those doore ch • ekes, To seeke flesh or fysh▪ Garlyke, Onyons or Leckes. That euer I saw a sorte, in such a plyght As here within this house ap • er • th to my s • ght, There is howlynge and sco • lyng a • l 〈…〉 adamye, With whewling and pewling, as though they had lost a trump Syghing and sobbing, they weepe and they wayle I maruell in my mynd, what the deuill they ayle The olde Trot syts groning, with alas and alas, And Tib wringes her hands, and takes on in worse case With poore Cocke theyr boye, they be dryuen in such fyts I feare mee the folkes be not well in theyr wyts, Aske them what they ayle, or who brought them in this staye? They aunswer not at all, but alacke and welaway Whan I saw it booted not, out at doores I hyed mee And caught a slyp of Bacon, when I saw that none spyed mee, Which I intend not far hence, vnles my purpose fayle Shall serue for a shoinghorne to draw on two pots of ale.

¶ The fyrst Arte. The second Sceane. Hodge. Diccon. Hodge SEe so cham arayed with dablynge in the durt She that set me to ditchinge, ich wold she had the squrt Was neuer poore soule that such a life had? Gogs bones thys vylthy glaye hase drest mee to bad Gods soule, see how this stuffe teares Iche were better to bee a Bearward and set to keepe Beares By the Masse here is a gasshe, a shamefull hole in deade And one stytch teare furder, a man may thruste in his heade. Diccon ¶ By my fathers soule Hodge, if I shulde now besworne I can not chuse but say thy breech is foule be torne, But the next remedye in such a case and hap Is to plaunche on a piece, as brode as thy cap. Hodge ¶ Gogs soule man, tis not yet two dayes fully ended Synce my dame Gurton ( • hem sure) these breches amended, But cham made suce a drudge to trudge at euery neede Chwold rend it though it were stitched what sturdy pacthreede, Diccon ¶ Hoge, let thy breeches go, and speake and tell mee soone What deuill ayleth gāmer gurton, & Tib her mayd to frowne, Hodge ¶ Tush man thart deceyued, • ys theyr dayly looke, They coure so ouer ye coles, theyr eyes be bleard with smooke, Diccon ¶ Nay by the masse, I perfectly perceiued as I came hether That eyther Tib & her dame hath ben by the cares to gether Or els as great a matter as thou shalt shortly see. Hodge ¶ Now iche bes • eche our Lord they neuer better agree. Diccon ¶ By gogs soule there they syt as still as stones in the streite As though they had ben takē with fairies or els wt some il sprite Hodge ¶ Gogs hart, I durst haue layd my cap to a crowne Chwould lerne of some prancome as sone as ich came to town. Diccon ¶ Why Hodge art thou inspyred? or dedst thou therof here? Hodge ¶ Nay, but ich saw such a wonder as ich saw nat this▪ vii. yere Tome Tannkards Cow (be gogs bones) she set me vp her saile And flynging about his halfe aker fysking with her taile, As though there had ben in her ars a swarme of Bees, And chad not cryed tphrowh hoore, shead lept out of his Lees. Diccon ¶ Why Hodg lies the connyng in Tom tankards cowes taile? Hodge ¶ Well ich chaue hard some say such tokens do not fayle, But cast yu not till in faith Diccon, why she frownes or wher at Hath no man stolne her Ducks or Henes, or gelded gyb her Cat Diccon ¶ What deuyll can I tell man, I cold not haue one word They gaue no more hede to my talk then thou woldst to a lorde Hodge ¶ Iche can not styll but muse, what meruaylous thinge it is Chyll in and know my selfe what matters are amys. Diccon. ¶ Then farewell hodge a while, synce thou doest inward hast, For I will into the good wyfe Chats, to feele how the ale dooth taste.

¶ The fyrst Acre. The thyrd Sceane. ¶Hodge. Tyb. Hodge CHam agast by the masse, ich wot not what to do Chad nede blesse me well before ich go them to Perchaunce some felon sprit may haunt our house indeed, And then chwere but at noddy to venter where cha no neede Tib, ¶ Cham worse then mad by the masse to be at this staye Cham chyd, cham blamd, and beat on all thoures on the daye, Lamed and hunger storued, prycked vp all in Iagges Hauyng no patch to hyde my backe, saue a few rotten ragges. Hodge ¶ I say Tyb, if thou be Tyb, as I trow sure thou bee, What deuyll make a doe is this, betweene our dame and thee. Tyb. ¶ Gogs breade Hodg thou had a good turne thou warte not here this whyle. It had ben better for some of vs to haue ben hence a myle 〈◊〉 Gammer is so out of course, and trantyke all at ones That Co • ke our boy •• I poore wench, haue felt it on our bones. H •• ge • ;What is the matter, say on Tib wherat she taketh so on. Tyb. ¶ 〈◊〉 is vndone • he sayth (alas,) her ioye and life is gone If 〈◊〉 here not of some comfort, she is sayth but dead S • all neuer • ome within her lyps, one inch of meate ne bread. Hodge ¶ 〈◊〉 La •• e cham not very glad, to see her in this dumpe Cholde a noble • er stole hath fallen, & shee hath broke her rumpe Tyb. • Nay and t • at were the worst, we wold not greatly care For bursti • g of her huckle bone, or breakyng of her Chaire, But greatter, greater, is her grief, as hodge we shall all feele. Hodge ¶ Gogs woundes Tyb, my gammer has neuer lost her Neele? Tyb. ¶ Her Neele. Hodge ¶ Her Neele? T • b, ¶ Her neele by him that made me, it is true Hodge I tell thee. Hodge ¶ Gogs sacrament, I would she had lost, tharte out of her belli • The Deuill or els his dame, they ought her sure a shame How a murry • n came this chaunce, (say Tib) vnto our dame? Tyb ¶ My gāmer sat her downe on her pes, & had me reach thy breeche • And • y & by, a vengeāce in it or she had take two stitches To clap a clout vpon thine ars, by chau • ce a syde she • eares And gyb our • at in the milke pan, she spied ouer head and eares Ah hore, out these, she cryed aloud, & swapt the breches downe Up went her staffe, and out leapt gyb, at doors into the towne And synce that time was neuer wyght, cold set their eies vpō it Gogs malison cha • e Cocke and I, b • d twenty times light on it. Hodge ¶ And is • ot thē my breches sewid vp, to morow yt I shuld were Tyb ¶ No in faith • odge thy breeches lie for 〈◊〉 this ne • er the • ere. Hodge ¶ Now a vēg • ance light on al ye sort, y• better shold haue kept it, The cat • the house, and t • b our maid, y• better shold haue swept it S • where we cōmeth crawling, come on in twenty deuils way Ye haue made a fayre daies worke, haue you not • pray you say.

¶ The fyr • st Acte. The .iiii. Sceane. ¶Gammer. Hodge. Tyb. Cocke. • āmer ALas h • ge, alas. I may well cursse and ban This daie that euer I saw it, with gyb and the mylke pan For these and ill lucke to gather, as knoweth Cocke my boye Haue stacke away my deare neele, and robd me of my io • e My fayre longe strayght ne • le that was myne onely treasure The fyrst day of my sorow is, and last end of my pleasure. Hodge ¶ Might ha kept it when ye had it, but fooles will be fooles scyll. Lose that is vast in your handes, ye neede not but ye will. Gāmer ¶ Go hie thee tib, and run thou hoore, to thend here of the towne Didst cary out dust in thy lap seeke wher thou po •• st it down • And as thou sawest me roking, in the asshes where I morned So see in all the heape of dust, thou leaue no straw vnturned. Tyb ¶ That chal gammer swythe and tyte, and sone be here agayne, Gāmer ¶ Tib stoope & loke downe to ye ground to it, & take some paine. Hodge ¶Here is a prety matter, to see this gere how it goes By gogs soule I thenk you wold loes your ars, and it were loose Your neele lost, it is pitie you shold lack care and endlesse sorow Gogs deth how shall my breches be sewid, shall I go thus to morow Gāmer ¶ Ah hodg, hodg, if that ich cold find my neele by the reed Chould sow thy brechee ich promise y•, wt full good double threed And set a patch on either knee, shuld last this monethes twaine Now god & good Saint Sithe I praye, to send it home againe. Hodge ¶ Wherto serued your hands & eies, but this your neele to kepe What deuill had you els to do • ye kept ich wot no sheepe Cham faine a brode to dyg and del • e▪ in water▪ myre and claye Sossing and possing in the durte, styll from • ay to daye A hundred thinges that b • abrode, cham set to see them weele And • oure of you syt •• le at home, and can not k •• pe 〈◊〉 . Gāmer ¶My neele alas ich lost it hodge, what 〈◊〉 ich m • vp h •• t • To saue the milke set vp for the, which g • b our c • t hath wasted Hodge ¶ The Deuill • e burst both gib, and 〈…〉 th all the rest Cham alwa • es sure of the worst end, wh • euer haue the b • st Where ha yo • ben flaging abr • de, since you your • eele l •• t Gāmer ¶ Within the house, and at the dore, sittin • by this same post Wher I was loking a long howre, before • hese folks came h • re, But welaway, all was in vayne, my neel • is n • uer th • n • r • . Hodge ¶ Set me a candle • et me seeke and grope where eue • it 〈◊〉 Gogs hart ye be so folish (ich thinke) you kn • w • it n • t when you •• see Gāmer ¶ Come hether Cocke, what Cocke I say. Cocke. ¶ Howe Gammer. Gāmer ¶ • oe hye thee soone, and grope behynd the old brasse pan, Whych thing when thou hast done Ther shalt thou fynd an old shooe, wher in if thou looke well Thou shalt fynd lyeng an inche of a whyte tallow candell, Lyght it, and brynge it tite awaye. Cocke. ¶ That shalbe done anone. Gāmer ¶ Nay tary hodg til thou hast light, and then weele seke ech one. Hodge ¶ Cum away ye horson boy, are ye a slepe: ye must haue a crier. Cocke. ¶ Ich cannot get the candel light here is almost no fier. Hodge ¶ Chil hold the a peny chil make yt come if y• ich may catch thine eares Art deffe thou horson boy • cocke I say, why canst not heares. Gāmer ¶ Beate hym not Hodge but help the boy and come you two together.

¶ The .i. Acte. The .v. Sceane. ¶Gammer. ¶ Tyb, ¶Cocke. ¶ Hodge. Gāmer HOw now Tyb, quycke lets here, what newes thou hast brought hether. Tyb. ¶ Chaue tost and tumbled yender heap our & ouer againe And winowed it through my fingers, as mē wold winow grain Not so much as a hens turd but in pieces I tare it Or what so euer clod or clay I found, I did not spare it Lokyng within and eke without, to fynd your neele (alas) But all in vaine and without help, your neele is where it was. Gāmer ¶ Alas my neele we shall neuer meete, adue, adue for aye. Tyb. ¶ Not so gammer, we myght it fynd if we knew where it laye. Cocke. ¶ Gogs crosse Gammer if ye will laugh looke in but at the doore And see how Hodg lieth tomblynge and tossing amids the flour • Rakyng there some fayre to find amonge the asshes dead Where there is not one sparke, so byg as a pyns head, At last in a darke corner two sparkes he thought he sees Which where indede no • ght els but Gyb our cats two eyes Puffe quod hodg thinking therby to haue fyre without doubt With that Gyb shut her two eyes, & so the fyre was out And by and by them opened, euen as they were before, With that the sparkes appered euen as they had done of yore, And euen as hodge blew the fire as he did thincke Gyb as she felt the blast strayght way began to wyncke, Tyll Hodge fell of swering, as cam • h • st to his turne, The •• er was sure bewicht, and therfore wold not burne: At last Gyb vp the slayers, among the old postes and pinnes, And Hodge he hied him after till broke were both his s • innes: Cursynge and swering othes, were neuer of his makyng, That Gyb wold fyre the house, if that shee were not taken. Gāmer ¶ See here is all the thought that the foolysh Urchy • taketh, And Lyb me thinke at his elbowe almost as mery maketh This is all the wyt ye haue when others make their mo • e, Come downe Hodge, where art thou and let the Cat alone. Hodge ¶ Gogs harte, help and come vp, Gyb in her tayle hath fyre. And is like to burne all if shes get a lytle hier: Cum downe (quoth you,) nay then you might count me a patch, The • oule cometh downe on your • eads if it take ons yt thatch. Gāmer ¶ It is the cats eyes foole that shineth in the darke. Hodge ¶ Hath the Cat do you thinke in euery eye a sparke. 〈◊〉 ¶ • e, but they shyne as lyke fyre as euer man see. Hodge ¶ • y the masse and she burne all, you • h heare the blame for mee Gāmer ¶ Cum downe & help to seeke here our neele that it were found D • wne • yb on t • o knees I say, downe C • ck • to the ground. • o God I make a vowe, and so to good Saint Anne A can • e • • hall they haue a peece, get it where I can, It I may my neele find in one place or in other. Hodge ¶ Now a vengea • nce on 〈◊〉 lyght, on gyb and gybs mother And all the generacyon o • Cats both far and nere Looke on the ground • orson think • tho • the neele is here. Cocke. ¶ • y my t • outh gammer me thought your ne • le here I saw But when my fyngers toucht it, I • ell it was a straw. Tyb ¶ See Hodge whats ty • , may it no • be withi • it, Hodge ¶ Breake it • oo • e with thy hand and see and thou canst fynde it. • yb ¶ Nay breake it you Hodge accordyng to your word. Hodge ¶ • ogs • ydes, fye it styncks▪ it is a Cats to • rd, • t were well done to make thee eare it by the masse. Gāmer ¶ This matter amendeth not my ne • le is 〈◊〉 where it wasse Our candle is at anende let vs all in • u • ght • nd come another tyme, wh •• we • aue more lyght

The ii. Acte.

Fyrste a Songe. ¶Backe and syde go bare, go bare, booth foote and hande go colde: But Bellye god sende thee good ale ynoughe, whether it be newe or olde. I Can not eate, but lytle meate, my stomacke is not good: But sure I thinke, that I can drytke with him that weares a hood. Thoughe I go bare, take ye no care, I am nothinge a colde: I stufte my skyll, so full within, of ioly good Ale and olde. Backe and syde go bare, go bare, booth foote and hand go colde: But belly god send the good ale inoughe whether it be new or olde. I loue no rost, but a nut browne toste and a Crab layde in the fyre, A lytle bread, shall do me stead much breade I not desyre: No froste nor snow, no winde I trowe can hurte mee if I wolde, I am so wrapt, and throwly lapt of ioly good ale and olde. Backe and syde go bare. &c. And Tyb my wyfe, that as her lyfe loueth well good ale to seeke, Full ofte drynkes shee, tyll ye may see the teares run downe her cheekes: Then dooth she trowle, to mee the bowle euen as a mault worme shuld, And sayth sweete hart, I tooke my part of this ioly good ale and olde. Backe and syde go bare. &c. Now let them drynke, tyll they nod and winke, euen as good felowes shoulde doe They shall not mysse, to haue the blisse, good ale doth bringe men to: And all poore soules that haue scowred boules or haue them lustely trolde, God saue the lyues, of them and theyr wyues whether they be yonge or olde. • acke and syde go bare. &c.

The fyrst Sceane. ¶Diccon. Hodge. Diccon WEll done be Gogs malt, well songe and well sayde, Come on mother Chat as thou art true mayde, 〈◊〉 fresh pot of ale lets see to make an ende Agaynst this colde wether my naked armes to defende, This gere it warms the so • le, now wind blow on the worst, And let vs drink and swill, till that our bellies burste Now were he a wyse man, by cunnynge colde defyne Which way my Iourney lyeth or where Dyccon will dyne But one good turne I haue▪ be it by nyght or daye South, East, North or west, I am neuer out of my waye. Hodge ¶Chym goodly rewarded, cham I not, do you thyncke? Chad a goodly dynner for all my sweate and swyncke, Neyther butter cheese, mylke onyons fleshe nor fyshe Saue thys poor pece of barly bread, tis a pleasant costly dishe. Diccon ¶Haile fellow Hodge & will to face, wt thy meat, i • yu haue any! But by thy words as I thē smelled, thy daintrels be not manye. Hodge ¶Daintrels diccō (gogs soule mā (saue this pece of dry horsbred, Cha byt no byt this lyue longe daie, no crome come in my hed My gutts they yawle crawle and all my belly rumbleth The puddynges can not lye still, ech one ouer other tumbleth By gogs harte cham so ver • e, and in my belly pende Chould one peece were at the spittlehouse another at ye castels ende. Diccon ¶ Why hodge, was there none at home thy dinner for to set: Hodge ¶ Godg • bread Diccon ich came to late, was nothing ther to get G • b (a • owle feind might on her light (lickt ye milke pan so clene See Diccon, twas not so well washt this .vii. yere as ich we • e A pestilence lyght on all ill lucke, chad thought yet for all • hys Of a morsell of bacon behynde the do •• at worst shuld not misse, But when ich sought a slyp to cut, as ich was wont to do Gogs soule Diccon, gyb our Cat had 〈◊〉 the bacon to. Which bacon Diccon stole, as is declared before. Diccon ¶Ill luck quod he, mary swere it hodg, this day ye trueth to tel Thou rose not on thy right syde, or els bl •• t thee not wel. Thy mylk slopt vp, thy bacō fil • ched, that was to bad luck hodg. Hodge ¶ Nay, nay, ther was a fowler fa •• t, my gāmer game y• dog • e Seest not how chā rent & torn, my heels, my knees & my breech Chad thought as ich sat by the fire, help here & there a stitch, But there ich was powpte indeede. Diccon ¶ Why Hodge? Hodge ¶ Bootes not man to tell, Cham so drest amonst a sorte of fooles, chad better be in hell, My gammer (cham ashamed to say) by god serued me not weele Diccon ¶ How so Hodge? Hodge ¶ Hase she not gone trowest now and lost her neele. Diccon ¶ Her Eele Hodge, who fysht of late? that was a dainty dysh. Hodge ¶ Tush tush, her neele, her neele, her neele man. (tys neyther flesh nor fysh. A lytle thing with an hole in the end, as bright as any syller, Small, longe, sharpe at the poynt, & straight as any pyller. Diccon ¶I know not what a deuil yu mēest, yu bringst me more in doubt Hodge ¶ Knowest not wt what tom tailers mā, fits broching throughe a clout A neele, neele, a neele, my gammers neele is gone. Diccon ¶ Her neele Hodge, now I smel thee, yt was a chaunce alone, By ye masse yu hadst a shamefull losse, & it wer but for th • t 〈◊〉 Hodge ¶ Gogs soule man chould giue a crown chad it but iii. stitches. Diccon ¶ How sayest yu Hodg, what shuld he haue, again thy n •• le got Hodge ¶ Gem vathers soule, and chad it chould giue him a new grot. Diccon ¶ Canst thou keepe counsaile in this case. Hodge ¶Els chwold my thonge were out. Diccon ¶Do than but then by my aduise, & I will fetch it wt •• t doubt, Hodge ¶Chyll runne, chyll ryde, chyll dygge, chyl 〈◊〉 , (chill toyle, chill trudge shalt see: Chill hold chil drawe, chil pull, chill pynche (chill kneele on my bare knee. Chill scrape, chill scratche, chill syfte▪ chyll seeke, (chill bowe, chill bende, chill sweate. Chil sto • p, chil stur, chil cap chil knele, chil crepe on hāds & feete▪ Chil be thy bondman Diccon, ich sweare by sunne and moone And channot sum what to stop this gap, cham vtterly vndone Pointing behind to his torne kreeches. Diccon ¶Why, is ther any special cause, thou takest hereat such sorow Hodge ¶Kirstian Clack Tom simsons maid, bithe masse coms hether to morow Cham not able to say, betweene vs what may hap, She smyled on me the last sonday when ich put of my cap, Diccon ¶ Well Hodge this is a matter of weight, & must be kept close, It might els turne to both our costes as the world now gose, Shalt sware to be no blab Hodge. Hodge ¶ Chyll Diccon. Diccon ¶ Then go to, Lay thine hand here, say after me as thou shalt here me do Haste no booke? Hodge ¶ Cha no booke I. Diccon ¶ Then needes must force vs both, Upon my breech to lay thine hand, and there to take thine othe. Hodge ¶ I Hodge breethelesse, Sweare to Diccon rechelesse By the crosse that I shall kysse, To kepe his counsaile close And alwayes me to dispose To worke that his pleasure is. ¶Here he kyssech Diccons breeche. Diccon. ¶ Now Hodge see thou take heede And do as I thee byd For so I iudge it meete, This • eole againe to win There is no shift therin But coniure vp a spreete. Hodge ¶What the great deuill Diccon I saye? Diccon ¶Yea in good faith, that is the waye, Fet with some pretycharme. Hodge ¶Softe Diccon be not to hasty yet, By the masse for ich begyn to sweat Cham afrayde of syme harme. Diccon ¶Come hether then and sturre the nat One inche out of this Cyrcle plat But stande as I thee teac • e. Hodge ¶And shall ich be here safe from theyr clawes: Diccon ¶ The mayster deuill with his longe pawes Here to thee can not reache: Now will I settle me to this geare. Hodge ¶I saye Diccon, heare me, heare: Go softely to thys matter. Diccon ¶ What deuyll man, art afraide of nought Hodge ¶Canst not tarrye a lytle thought Tyll ich make a curtesie of water. Diccon ¶ Stand still to it, why shuldest thou feare hym? Hodge ¶ Gogs sydes Diccon, me thinke ich heare him And tarrye chal mare all. Diccon ¶ The matter is no worse then I tolde it, Hodge ¶ By the masse cham able no longer to • olde it, To bad iche must beraye the hall. Diccon ¶ Stand to it Hodge, sture not you horson, What Deuyll, be thine ars strynges brusten? Thy selfe a while but staye, The deuill I smell hym wyll be here anone. Hodge ¶ Hold him fast Diccon, cham gone, cham gone Chyll not be at that fraye.

The ii. Acte. The ii. Sceane. Diccon. Chat. Diccon FY shytten knaue, and out vpon thee Aboue all other loutes fye on thee, Is not here a clenly prancke? But thy matter was no better Nor thy pres • nce here no sweter, To flye I can the thanke: Here is a matter worthy glosynge Of Gammer Gurtone nedle losynge And a foule peece of warke, A man I thyncke myght make a playe And nede no worde to this they saye Being but halfe a Clarke. Softe, let me alone, I will take the charge This matter further to en large Within a tyme shorte, If ye will marke my toyes, and note I will geue ye leaue to cut my throte If I make not good sporte, Dame Chat I say, where be ye, within? Chat. ¶ Who haue we there maketh such a din: Diccon ¶ Here is a good fellow, maketh no great daunger, Chat. ¶ What diccon? come nere, ye be no straunger, We be fast set at trumpe man, hard by the fyre, Thou shalt set on the king, if thou come a litle nyer. Diccon ¶ Nay, nay, there is no tarying: I must be gone againe But first for you in councel I haue a word or twaine. Chat. ¶Come hether Dol, Dol, sit downe and play this game, And as thou sawest me do, see thou do euen the same There is 5. trumps beside the Queene, ye hindmost yu shalt finde her Take hede of Sim glouers wife, she hath an eie behind her, Now Diccon say your will. Diccon ¶ Nay softe a title yet, I wold not tel it my sister, the matter is so great, There I wil haue you sweare by our dere Lady of Bullaine, S. Dunstone, and S. Donnyke, with the three Kinges of Kullaine, That ye shal keepe it secret. Chat, ¶ Gogs bread that will I doo, As secret as mine owne thought, by god and the deuil two. Diccon. ¶ Here is gāmer gurton your neighbour, a sad & heuy wight Her goodly faire red Cock, at home. was stole this last night. Chat. ¶ Gogs foule her Cock with the yelow legs, ye nightly crowed so iust? Diccon ¶ That cocke is stollen. Chat. ¶ What was he fet out of the hens-ruste? Diccon ¶ I can not tel where ye deuil he was kept, vnder key or locke. But Tib hath tykled in Gammers eare, that you shoulde steale the cocke Chat. ¶ Haue I stronge hoore? by bread and salte. Diccon ¶ What softe, I say be styl. Say not one word for all this geare. Chat. ¶ By the masse that I wyl, I wil haue the yong hore by the head, & the old trot by ye throte Diccon ¶Not one word dame Chat I say, not one word for my cote. Chat. ¶ Shall such a begars brawle as ye thinkest yu make me a theefe The pocks light on her hores sydes, a pestlence & a mischeefe Come out thou hungry nedy bytche, o that my nails be short. Diccon ¶ Gogs bred womā hold your peace, this gere wil els passe sport I wold not for an hundred pound, this matter shuld be knowen, That I am auctour of this tale, or haue abrode it blowen Did ye not sweare ye wold be ruled, before the tale I tolde I said ye must all secret keepe, and ye said sure ye wolde. Chat. ¶ Wolde you suffer your selfe diccon, such a sort, to reuile you With slaunderous words to blot your name, & so to defile you? Diccon ¶ No goodwi • e chat I wold be lot • such drabs shulde blot my name But yet ye must so order all, ye Diccon heare no blame. Chal. ¶Go to then, what is your rede: say on your minde, (ye shall m • e rule herein. Diccon ¶ God a mercye to dame chat, in faith thou must the gere begin It is twenty pound to a goose turd, my gammer will not tary But hetherward she comes as fast as her legs can her cary, To brawle with you about her cocke, for well & hard Tib say The Cocke was rosted in your house, to breafast yesterday, And when ye had the carcas eaten, the fethers ye out flunge And D • ll your maid the legs she hid a foote depe in the dunge. Chat. ¶ Do gracyous god my harte is burstes. Diccon ¶ Well ro • e your selfe a space And gammer gurton when she commeth a • on into thys place Then to the Queane lets see tell her your mynd & spare not So 〈◊〉 Diccon blamelesse bee, and then go to I care not. Chat, ¶ 〈…〉 beware her t • rot • , I can abide no longer In 〈◊〉 old witch it shalbe seene, which of vs two be stronger 〈◊〉 Diccon but at your request, I wold not stay one howre, Diccon ¶ Well • eepe it in till she be here and then out let it powre, In the mean • whi •• get you in, and make no wordes of this More of this matt •• wt in this howre to here you shall not misse Because I know you are my freind, hide it I cold not doubtles Ye know your harm, see ye be wise about your owne busines So fare ye will. Chat. ▪ 〈…〉 Di • con and drynke, what Doll I say Bringe here a cup of the best ale, lets see, come quicly a waye.

The ii. Actt. The iii. Sceane. Hodge. Diccon. Diccon Ye see masters ye one end tapt of this my short deuise Now must wo br • che theter to, howre the smoke arise And by the time they haue a while run. (I trust ye need not craue it. But loke what lieth in both their harts ye ar like sure to haue it Hodge ¶ Yea gogs soule, art aliue yet? what Diccon dare ich come? Diccon ¶ A man is wel hied to trust to thee, I wil say nothing but mum But and ye come any nearer I pray you see all be sweete. Hodge ¶ Tush man, is gammers neele found, that chould gladly weete Diccon ¶ She may thāke thee it is not foūd, for if yu had kept thy stāding The deuil he wold haue fet it out, euen hodg at thy cōmaunding Hodge ¶ Gogs hart, & cold h • tel nothing wher the neele might be found Diccon ¶ Ye folysh dolt, ye were to seek, ear we had g • t our ground, Therfore his tale so doubtfull was, that I cold not perceiue it. Hodge ¶ Then ich se wel somthing was said, chope one day yet to haue it, But diccon, diccon, did not the deuill cry ho, ho, ho, Diccon ¶ If yu hadst taryed where thou stoodst, thou woldest haue said so Hodge ¶ Durst swere of a buke, chard him rore, streight after ich was gon But tel me diccon what said ye knaue: let me here it anon. Diccon ¶ The horson talked to mee. I know not well of what One whyle his tonge it ran and paltered of a Cat, Another whyle he stamered styll vppon a Rat, Last of all there was nothing but euery word Chat, Chat, But this I well perceyued before I wolde him rid, Betweene Chat, and the Rat, and the Cat, the nedle is hyd, Now wether Gyb our cat haue eate it in her mawe, Or Doctor Rat our curat haue found it in the straw, Or this dame chat your neighbour haue stollen it, god hee knoweth But by ye morow at this time, we shal learn how the matter goeth Hodge ¶Canst not learn to night man, seest not what is here, ¶Pointyng behind to his torne breeches. Diccon ¶ Tys not possyble to make it sooner appere, Hodge ¶ Alas Diccon then chaue no shyft, but least ich tary to longe Hye me to Sym glouers shop, theare to seeke for a Thonge, Ther with this breech to tatche and tye as ich may. Diccon ¶ To morow hodg if we chaunce to meete, shalt see what I will say.

The ii. Acte. The iiii. Sceane. Diccon: Gammer. Diccon NOw this gere must forward goe, for here my gammer: commeth, Be still a while & say nothing, make here a litle romth. Gāmer ¶ Good lord, shall neuer be my lucke my neele agayne to spye▪ Alas the whyle tys past my helpe, where tis still it must lye. Diccon ¶Now Iesus gammer gurtō, what driueth you to this sadne •• I feare me by my conscience, you will sure fall to madnes. Gāmer ¶ Who is that, what Diccon, cham lost man: fye fye. Diccon ¶ Mary fy on them yt be worthy, but what shuld be your troble, Gāmer ¶Alas the more ich thinke on it, my sorow it waxeth doble My goodly tossing sporyars neele, chaue lost ich wot not where. Diccon ¶ Your neele, whan? Gāmer ¶My neele (alas) ich myght full ill it spare, As god him selfe he knoweth nere one bes • de chaue. Diccon ¶If this be all good gammer, I warrant you all is saue. Gāmer ¶ Why know you any tydings which way my neele is gone? Diccon ¶ Yea that I do doubtlesse, as ye shall here anone, A see a thing this matter toucheth, within these .xx. howres, Euen at this gate, before my face, by a neyghbour of yours, She stooped me downe, and vp she toke a nedle or a pyn: I durst be sworne it was euen yours, by all my moth • rs kyn. Gāmer ¶ It was my neele diccon ich wot, for here euen by 〈◊〉 p • ste Ich sat, what time as ich vp starte, and so my neele it loste: Who was it le •• e son? speke ich pray the, & quickly tell me that? Diccon ¶ A s • ttle queane as any in thys Towne, (your neyghboure here dame Chat. Gāmer ¶ Dame chat diccon let me be gone, chil thyther in post h • ste. Diccon ¶ Take my councell yet or ye go, for feare ye walke in wast, It is a murrion crafty drab, and froward to be pleased. And ye take not the better way, our nedle yet ye lose it: For when she tooke it vp, euen here before your doores What soft dame chat (quoth I) that same is none 〈◊〉 yours Auant (quoth she) syr knaue, what pratest thou of that 〈…〉 : I wold yt hadst kist me I wot whear: (she ment I know 〈◊〉 ) And home she went as brag, as it had ben a 〈◊〉 , And I after as bold, as it had ben, the goodman of the 〈◊〉 : But there and ye had hard her, how she began to scolde The tonge it went on patins, by hym that Iudas solde, Ech other worde I was a knaue, and you a bore of hores, Because I spake in your behalfe, and sayde the neele was yours, Gāmer ¶Gogs bread, and thinks yt callet thus to kepe my neele me fro? Diccon ¶Let her alone, and she minds non other but euē to dresse you so Gāmer ¶By the masse chil rather spend the cote that is on my backe. Thinks the false quean by such a slygh, that chill my neele lacke Diccon ¶Slepe not you gere I counsell you, but of this take good hede Let not be knowen I told you of it, how well soeuer ye spede. Gāmer ¶ Chil in Diccon a cleene aperne to take, and set before me, And ich may my neele once see, chil sure remember the

The ii. Acte. The v. Sceane. Diccon. Diccon HEre will the sporte begin, if these two once may meete. Their chere durst lay money will proue scarsly sweete My gammer sure entends, to be vppon her bones, Wich staues, or with clubs, or els with coble stones. Dame Chat on the other syde, if she be far behynde I am right far deceiued she is geuen to it of kynde, He tha • may tarry by it a whyle, and that but shorts I warrant hym trust to it, he shall see all the sporte Into the towne will I, my frendes to vysit there And hether straight againe to see thend of this gere In the meane time felowes, pype vpp your fiddles, I saie take them And let your freyndes here such mirth as ye can make them.

The iii. Acte.

The i Sceane. Hodge. Hodge SYm glouer yet gramercy, cham meetlye well sped now, Thart e • en as good a felow as euer kyste a cowe, Here is a thynge in dede, by ye masse though ich speake it Tom tankard • great bald cortal, I thinke could not breake it And when he spyed my neede, to be so straight and hard, Hays lent me here his naull, to set the • yd forward, As for my Gammers neele, the • lyenge feyud go we • te, Chill no • now go to the • oore againe with it to meete: Chould make shyfte good inough and chad a candels ••• e, The chee • e hole in my breeche, with these two chil amende.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The ii. Sceane. Gammer. Hodge. Gāmer HOw Hodge, mayst nowe be glade, cha newes to tell thee Ich knowe who • ais my neele, ich trust soone shalt it see Hodge ¶ The deuyll thou does, hast hard gammer in deede, or doest but iest Gāmer ¶ Tys as true as steele Hodge. Hodge ¶ Why, knowest well where dydst leese it? Gāmer ¶ Ich know who found it, and tooke it vp shalt see or it be longe. Hodge ¶ Gods mother dere, if that be true, farwel both naule an thong But who hais it gammer say on: chould faine here it disclosed. Gāmer ¶ That false fixen, that same dame Chat, that counts her selfe so honest. Hodge ¶ Who tolde you so: Gāmer ¶ That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done. Hodge ¶ Diccon: it is a vengeable knaue gammer, tis a bonable horsō, Can do mo things then that els cham deceyued euill: By the masse ich saw him of late cal vp a great blacke deuill, O the knaue cryed ho▪ ho, he roared and he thundred, And yead bene here, cham sure yould murrenly ha wondred. Gāmer ¶ Was not thou afraide Hodge to see him in this place: Hodge ¶ No, and chad come to me, chould haue laid him on the face, Chould haue promised him. Gāmer ¶ But Hodge, had he no hornes to pushe: Hodge ¶ As long as your two armes, saw ye neuer Fryer Rushe Painted on a cloth, with a side long cowes tayle: And crooked clouen feete, • nd many a hoked nayle? For al the world (if I shuld iudg) chould recken him his brother Loke euen what face Frier Rush had, the deuil had such another Gāmer ¶ New Iesus mercy hodg. did diccon in him bring: Hodge ¶ Nay gammer (heare me speke) chil to • you a greater thing, The deuil (when diccon had him, ich hard him wondrous weel) Sayd plainly (here before vs, that dame chat had your neele. ••• mer ¶ They let vs go, and aske her wherfore she minds to kepe it, Seing 〈◊〉 know so much, tware a madnes now to slepe it. Hodge ¶ Go to 〈◊〉 • āmer see ye not where she stands in her doores Byd her geue you the neele, tys none of hers but yours.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The iii Sceane. Gammer. Chat. Hodge. Gāmer SAme Chat cholde praye the fair, let me haue y• is mine Chil not this twenty yeres take one fart that is thyne Therfore giue me mine owne & let me liue besyde the Chat. ¶ Why art thou crept frō home hether, to mine own doores to chide me: Hence doting drab, auaunt, or I shall set the further. Intends thou and that • na • e, mee in my house to murther: Gāmer ¶ Tush gape not so no me woman▪ shalt not yet eate mee, Nor all the frends thou hast, in this shall not intreate mee: Mine owne goods I will haue, and aske the on beleue, What woman: pore folks must haue right, though the thing you agre • s. Chat. ¶ Giue thee thy right, and hang thee vp, wt al thy baggers broode What wilt thou make me a theefe▪ and say I stole thy good: Gāmer ¶ Chil say nothing (ich warrāt thee, but that ich cā proue it well Thou set my good euen from my doore, cham able this to tel, Chat. ¶ Dyd I (olde witche) steale oft was thine: (how should that thing be knowen: Gāmer ¶ Ich can not tel, but vp thou tokest it as though it had ben thine owne, Chat, ¶ Mary fy on thee, thou old gyb, with al my very hart. Gāmer ¶ Nay fy on thee yu rampe, thou ryg, with al that take thy parte. Chat. ¶ A vengeaunce on those lips yt laieth such things to my charge. Gāmer ¶ A vengeance on those callats hips, whose consciēce is so large Chat. ¶ Come out Hogge. Gāmer ¶ Come out hogge, and let haue me right. Chat. ¶ Thou arrant Witche. Gāmer ¶ Thou bawdie bitche, chil make thee cursse this night. Chat. ¶ A bag and a wallet. Gāmer ¶ A carte for a callet. Chat. ¶ Why wenest thou thus to preuaile, I hold thee a grote, I shall patche thy coate. Gāmer ¶ Thou warte as good kysse my tayle: Thou siut yu kut, yu rokes▪ y• iakes: will not shau • e make y• • ide Chat. ¶ • hou shald thou bald, thou ro • ten, yu glotton, I will no lenger chyd the But I will teache the to kepe home. Gāmer ¶ Wylt thou drunken b •• ste. Hodge ¶ Sticke to her gammer, take her by the head, chil warrant you thys feast. Sm • te I laye gammer, 〈◊〉 I lay gammer, I trow ye wyll •••• one: Where by your •• yl • ? claw her by the iawes, pull me out bothe her eyen, Gogs bones gammer, holde vp your head, Chat. ¶ I trow drab I shall dresse thee. Tary yu knaue I hold the a gr • te, I shall make these hands blesse thee Take y• this old hore for a mends, & lerne thy tonge well to tame And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame. Hodge ¶ Where is the strong stued hore, chil geare a hores marke, Stand out ones way, that ich kyll none in the darke: Up gammer and ye be alyue, chil feygh now for vs bothe, Come no nere me thou • calde • allet, to kyll the ich wer loth. Chat. ¶ Art here agayne thou hoddy peke, what doll bryng me out my spitte. Hodge ¶ Chill broche thee wyth this, him father soule, (chyll coniure that foule sprete: Let der • stand Cock, why come in deede? kepe dore yu horson boy. Chat. ¶ Stand to it yu • astard for thine eares, ise teche y• a fluttish toye. Hodge ¶ G • gs woundes hore, chil make the auaunte, (take heede Cocke, pull in the latche, Chat. ¶ I faith sir loose breche had ye taried, ye shold haue found your match. Gāmer ¶ Now ware thy throte losell, thouse pray for al Hodge ¶ Well said gammer by my soule, Hoyse her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull out her throte boule Chat. ¶ Comst behynd me thou withered witch, & I get once on foote Thouse pay for all, yu ol • tar lether, ile teach the what longs to it Take yt this to make vp thy mouth, til time thou come by more Hodge ¶ Up gammer stand on your feete, where is the olde hore • Faith woulde chad her by the face (choulde cracke her • allet crowne Gāmer ¶ A hodg, hodg, where was thy help, when fixen had me downe. Hodge ¶ By the masse Gammer, but for my staffe (Chat had gone nye to spyl you Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not com to kill you But shall wel cost our neele thus? Gāmer ¶ No Hodge chwarde lothe doo soo. Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand, no hodg ich tell the no Hodge ¶ Chold yet this fray wer wel take vp & our own neele at home Twill be my chaunce • ls some to kil, wher euer it be or whome Gāmer ¶ We haue a parson, (hodge thou knoes) a man estemed wise Mast doctor Rat, chil for hym lend, and let me here his aduise, He will her shriue for all this gere, & geue her penaunce strait Wese haue our neele, els dame that comes nere wt in heauē gate Hodge ¶ Ye mary gammer, y• ich think best: wyll you now for him • end The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the soner wes • ha an ende, And here gammer Dyccons deuill, (as iche remember well) Of Cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat: a felloneus tale dyd tell, Chold you forty pound, that is the way your neele to • et againe. Gāmer ¶ Chil ha him strait, call out ye boy, wele make him take the payn Hodge ¶ What coke I saye, come out what deuill canst not • e • e. Gāmer ¶ How now hodg? how does gammer, is yet the wether cl •• re • What wold chaue me to doe? Gāmer ¶ Come • ether C • cke anon: Hence swythe to Doctor Rat, hye the that thou were gone, And pray hym come speke with me, cham not well at ease, Shalt haue him at his chamber, of els at mother Bees, E • s seeke him at Hobfytchers shop for as charde it reported Cocke. Th • re is the best ale in al the towne▪ and now is most resorted. Gāmer • And shall ich brynge hym with me gammer? Cocke. • Yea, by and by good Cocke. Ho • ge ¶ Shalt see that shalbe here anone, els let me haue one the docke ¶ Now gammer shal we two go in, and tary for hy • commynge What deuill w • man plucke vp your hart, & leue of al this glōmīg Though she were stronger 〈◊〉 first, as ich thinke ye did find her Gāmer Yet there ye brest the dronkē • ow, what time ye cam behind her ¶ Nay, nay▪ cham sure she lost not all, for let them to ye beginnīg And ich doubt not, but she will make small bost of her winning.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The iiii. Sceane. Tyb. Hodge. Gammer. Cocke. Tyb SE gāmer, gāmer, gib our cat, chā afraid what she ayleth She standes me gasping behind the doore, (as though her winde her faileth: Now let ich doubt what gib shuld mean, yt now she doth so dote. Hodge ¶ Hold hether, ichould twenty pound, your neele is in her throte Grope her ich say, me thinkes ich feele it, does not pricke your hand? Gāmer ¶ Ich can feele nothing. Hodge ¶ No, ich know thars not within this land A muryner Cat then Gyb is, betwixt the tems and Tyne, Shase as much wyt in her head almost as chaue in mine. Tyb ¶ Faith shase eaten some thing, that wil not easely downe Whether she gat it at home, or abrode in the towne Iche can not tell. Gāmer ¶ Alas ich feare it he some croked pyn, And then farewell gyb, she is vndone, and lost al saue the skyn. Hodge ¶ Tyb, your neele woman, I say: gags soule geue me a knyfe And chil haue it out of her mawe, or els chal lose my lyfe. Gāmer ¶ What nay hodg, fy kil not our cat, tis al the cats we ha now. Hodge ¶ By the masse dame Chat bays me so moued, (iche care not what I kyll, ma god a vowe: Go to then Tyb to this geare, holde vp har tayle and take her, Chil see what deuil is in her guts chil take yu paines to rake her. Gāmer ¶ Rake a Cat Hodge, what woldst thou do? Hodge ¶ What thinckst that cham not able? Did not Tom Lankard rake his Curtal toore day standing in the stable. Gāmer ¶ Soft be content, le • s here what newes (Cocke bringeth from maist Rat. Cocke. ¶ Gammer chaue b • n ther as you bad, you wot wel about what Twill not be long before he come, ich durst sweare of a booke He byds you see ye be at home, and there for him to looke. Gāmer ¶ Where didst thou find him boy was he not wher I told thea? Cocke. ¶ Yes, yes euen at hob • ilchers house, by him yt bought and solde me A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fyer, Ch • d much a do to go and come, al was so ful of myer: And Gammer one thing I can tel, Hobfilchers naule was loste And Doctor Rat found it againe, hard beside the doore poste, I chould a p • nny can say something, your neele againe to fet. ••• mer • Cham glad to heare so much Cocke, then trust he wil not let, To helpe vs herein best he can therfore tyl time he come 〈1 line〉

¶ The ii. Acte. ¶ The iiii. Sceane. Doctor Rat. Gammer Gurton. D. Rat. A Man were better twenty times be a bandog & barke. Then here among such a sort, be parish priest or clarke Where he shal neuer be at rest, one pissing while a day But he must trudge about the towne, this way, and that way, Here to a drab, there to a theefe, his shoes to teare and rent And that which is worst of al, at euery knaues commaundemēt I had not sit the space, to drinke two pots of ale But Gammer gurtons sory boy, was straite way at my taile, And she was sicke, and I must come, to do I wot not what, If once her fingers end but ake, trudge, call for Doctor Rat And when I come not at their call, I only therby loo • e, For I am sure to lacke therfore, a tythe pyg or a goose: I warrāt you whē truth is knowen, & told they haue their tale The matter where about I come, is not worth a half peny worth of ale, Yet must I talke so sage and smothe, as though I were a glos • er Els or the yere come at an end. I shalbe sure the loser. What worke ye gāmer gurtō? hoow here is your frēd M. Rat. Gāmer ¶ A good M. Doctor cha trobled, cha trobled you, chwot wel • hat D. Rat. ¶ How do ye woman: be ye lus • ie, or be ye not wel at ease: Gāmer ¶ By gys master cham not 〈◊〉 , but yet chaue a disease. Chad a foule turne now of late, chill tell it you by gigs. D. Rat. ¶ Hach your browne cow cast hir calfe, or your sandy sowe her pigs Gāmer ¶ No, but chad ben as good they had, as this ich wot weel. D. Rat. ¶ What is the matter • Gāmer ¶ Alas, alas, cha lost my good neele, My necle I say, and wot ye wh • t: a drab came by and spied it And when I asked hir sor the same, the s •• th flatly demed it. D. Rat. ¶ What was she that: Gāmer ¶ A dame ich warrant you she began to scold and brawl • Alas, ala • , come hether Hodge: this wriche can tell you all.

The iiii. Act.

The ii. Sceane. Hodge Doctor Rat. Gammer. Diccon. Chat. Hodge 〈1 line〉 D. Rat. 〈…〉 vs heare. Thy dame hath sayd to me, thou kn • west of all this geare, Lets see what thou canst saie. Hodge ¶ Bym say sir that ye shall, What matter so euer here was done, ich can fell your mashly My Gammer gurton heare see now, sat her downe at this doore see now: And as she began to stirre her, see now, her neele fell in the floore, see now, And whi • e her staffe shee tooke, see now, at Gyb her Cat to flynge, see now, Her neele was lost in the floore, see now is not this a wondrous thing, see now? Then came the queane Dame Chat see now to aske for hir blacke cup, see now: And euen here at this gate, see now: she tooke that neele vp see now: My Gammer then she yeede, see now hir neele againe to bring, see now And was caught by the head see now is not this a wondrous thing, see now She tare my Gammers cote see now and scratched hir by the face, see now Chad thought shad stopt hir throte, see now is not this a wondrous case, see now▪ When ich saw this, ich was worthe see now and start betwene them twaine, see now Els ich durst take a booke othe, see now my Gammer had bene slaine, see now. Gāmer ¶ This is euen the whole matter, as Hodge has plainly tolde And chould faine be quiet for my part that chould But helpe vs good master, beseech ye that ye doo Els shall we both be beaten and lose our neele too. D. Rat. ¶ What wold ye haue me to doo tel me that I were gone I will do the best that I can, to set you both at one But be ye sure dame Chat hath this your neele founde: Gāmer ¶ Here comes the man that see hir take it vp o • the ground, Aske him your selfe master Rat if ye beleue not me. And helpe me to my neele, for gods sake and saint charitie. D. Rat. ¶ Come nere diccon and let vs heare, what thou can expresse. Wilt y• be sworne y• 〈…〉 haue▪ Diccon ¶ Nay by S. Benit wil I not, then might 〈…〉 ra •• . Gāmer ¶ Why did 〈…〉 deny it Diccon ¶ I mary gammer: but I said I 〈…〉 by it. D. Rat. ¶ Will you say a thing, and not sticke do it to trie it. Diccon ¶ Stick to it quoth you master rat, mary • r I de • y it. Nay there is many an honest man, when he suche blastes hath blowne In his freindes eares, he woulde be loth the same by him were knowne If such a toy be vsed oft among the honestie It may be seme a simple man, if your and my degre • D. Rat. ¶ Then we be neuer the nearer, for all that you can tell. Diccon ¶ Yes mary sir, if ye will do by mine aduise and counsaile, If mother chat se al vs here, she knoweth how the matter goes Therfore I red you three go hence, and within keepe close, And I will into dame chats house, and so the matter vse, That or you cold go twise to church, I warant y • u hote nowe, She shall looke wel about hir, but I durst • ay a pledge, Ye shal of gammers neele, haue shortly better knowledge. Gāmer ¶ Now gentle Diccon do so, and good sir let vs trudge. D Rat. ¶ By the masse • may not tarry so long to be your iudge. Diccon ¶ Dys but a litle whi • e man, what take so much paine, If I here no newes of it I wi • l come sooner againe. Hodge ¶ Cary so much good master Doctor of your gentlenes. D. Rat. ¶ Then let vs hie • e inward, and Diccon speede thy busines. Diccon ¶ Now sirs do ye • no more, but kepe my counsaile iuste, And Doctor Rat shall thus catch, some good I trust, But mother Chat my gossop, talke first with all I must: For she must be chiefe captaine to lay the Rat in the dust, God deuen • ame Chat in faith, and wel met in this place. Chat. ¶ God deuen my friend Diccon, whether walke ye this pace? Diccon ¶ By my truth euen to you, to learne how the world goeth, Hard ye no more of the other matter, say me now by your troth Chat. ¶ O yes diccon, here the olde hoore, & hodge that great knaue. But in faith I would thou hadst sene, o lord I drest them brane She bare me two or three souses behind in the nape of the necke Till I made hir olde wesen, to answere againe kecke: And Hodge that dirty dastard, that at hir elbow standes, I • one paire of legs had not bene worth two paire of hands He had had his bearde shauen, if my nayles wold haue serued And not without a cause for the knaue it well deserued. Diccon ¶ By the moste I can the thank wench, 〈…〉 so w • l acquite the Chat. ¶ And 〈…〉 him Di • con, it wold haue made y• beshite the For laughter. The 〈…〉 • ast caught vp a club, As though he would haue slaine the master deuil Belsabub, But I set him soone in worde. Diccon ¶ O Lorde there is the thing That Hodge is so offended, that makes him starte and dyng Chat. ¶ Why? makes the knaue any moyling, as ye haue sene or hard Diccon ¶ Euen now I sawe him last, like a mad man he • arde, And sware by heauen and hell▪ he would a wreake his sorowe And leue you neuer a hen on li • e▪ by viii. of the clock to morow, Therfore marke what I say, and my wordes see that ye trust Your hens be as good as dead, if ye leaue them on the ruste. Chat, ¶ The knaue dare as wel go hang himself, as go vpon my groūd Diccon ¶ Wel yet take hede I say, I must tel you my tale round, Haue you not about your house, behind your furnace or leade: A hole where a crafty knaue, may crepe in for neade? Chat. ¶ Yes by the masse, a hole broke down, euen wtin these ii. dayes. Diccon ¶ Hodge, he intendes this same night, to slip in there awayes. Chat. ¶ O christ that I were sure of it, in faith he shuld haue his mede. Diccon ¶ watch wel, for the knaue wil be there as sure as is your crede I wold spend my selfe a shilling: to haue him swinged well. Chat. ¶ I am as glad as a woman can be • of this thing to here tell By gogs bones when he cōmeth, now that I know the matter He shal sure at the first skip, to leape in scalding water: Wish a worse turne besides when he will, let him come. Diccon ¶ I tell you as my sister, you know what meaneth mum, Now lacke I but my doctor, to play his part againe And so where he commeth towards, peraduenture to his paine. D. Rat. ¶ What good newes Diccon? fellow, is mother chat at home, Diccon ¶ She is syr, and she is not, but it please her to whome: Yet dyd I take h • r tardy, as s • btle as she was. D. Rat. ¶ The thing that thou wen • st for, hast thou brought it to passe? Diccon ¶ I haue done that I haue done, be it worse be it better. And dame Chat at her wyts ende, I haue almost set her. D Rat. ¶ Why hast thou spied the neele quickly I pray thee tell. Diccon ¶ I haue spyed it in faith sir, I handled my selfe so well, And yet the crafty queane, had almost take my trumpe. But or all came to an ende. I set her in a dumpe: D. Rat. ¶ How so I pray thee Diccon? Diccon ¶ Mary syr will ye heare? She was clapt downe on the backside, by cocks mother dere And there she sat sewing a halter, or a bande, With no other thing saue gammers nedle in her hande, As soone as any knocke, if she filth be in double, She needes but once puffe, and her candle is out: Now I sir knowing of euery doore she pin. Came nycely, and said no worde, till time I was within, And there I sawe the neele, euen with these tw • • yes, Who euer say the contrary, I will sweare he lyes. D. Rat. ¶ O Diccon that I was not there, then in thy steade. Diccon ¶ Well, if ye will be ordred, and do by my reade. I will bring you to a place, as the house standes. Where ye shall take the drab, with the neele in hir handes D. Rat. ¶ For Gods sake do so Diccon, and I will gage my gowne To geue thee a full pot, of the best ale in the towne, Diccon ¶ Follow me but a litle, and marke what I will say, Lay downe your gown beside you, go to, come on your way: Se ye not what is here a hole wherin ye may creepe Into the house, and sodenly vnwares among them leape, There shal ye finde the Bitchfox▪ and the neele together Do as I bid you man, come on your wayes hether. D. Rat. ¶ Art thou sure diccon, the swil tub standes not here aboute. Diccon ¶ I was within my selfe man euen now, there is no doubt, Go softly, make no noyse, giue me your foote sir Iohn, Here will I waite vpon you, tyl you come out anone. D. Rat. ¶ Helpe Diccon, out alas, I shal be slaine among them. Diccon ¶ If they giue you not the nedle, tel them that ye will hāg them Ware that, hoow my wenches, haue ye caught the Foxe, That vsed to make reuel, among your hennes and Cocks: Saue his life yet for his order, though he susteine some paine Gogs bread, I am afraide, they wil beate out his braine. D. Rat. ¶ Wo worth the houre that I came heare. And wo worth him that wrought this geare, A sort of drabs and queanes haue me blest, Was euer creature halfe so euill drest? Who euer it wrought, and first did •• uent it, He shall I warrant him, erre long repent it, I will spend all I haue without my skinne But he shall be brought to the plight I am in, Master Bayly I trow, and he be worth his eares. Will snaffle these murderers and all that them beares, I will surely neither byte nor su • pe Till I fetch him hether, this matter to take vp.

The v. Acte.

The i. Sceane. Master Bayly. Dector Rat. Bailie. I Can perceiue none other, I speke it from my hart But either ye ar in al the fault or els in y• greatest part D. Rat. ¶ If it be counted his fault, besides all his greeues When a poore man is spoyled: and beaten among theeues? Then I confesse my fault herein, at this season, But I hope you wil not iudge so much against reason. Baily. ¶ And me thinkes by your owne tale, of all that ye name. If any plaid the theefe you were the very same. The women they did nothing, as your words make probation But stoutly withsto • d your forcible inuasion, If that a theefe at your window, to enter should begin, Wold you hold forth your hand, and helpe to pull him in: Or you wold kepe him out: I pray you answere me. D. Rat. ¶ Mary kepe him out, and a good cause why: But I am no theef • sir but an honest learned Clarke. Baily. ¶ Yea b • t who knoweth that, when he mee • s you in the darke I am sure your learning shines not out at your nose, Was it any mar • a ••• , though the poore woman arose And start vp, being afraide of that was in hir purse Me thinke you may be glad th • t you lucke was no worse. D. Rat. ¶Is not this • ill ynough, I pray you as you thinke, Showing his b • oken head. 〈◊〉 • Yea but a man in the darke, of chaunces do wincke, 〈…〉 he smites his • ather as any other man. 〈◊〉 for ••• ke of • ight, discerne him he ne can. 〈◊〉 it not haue ben your lucke, wt a spit to haue ben slaine: 〈◊〉〈…〉 I am litle better, my scalpe is clouen to the braine, If there be all the remedy, I know who beares the kockes. Baily. ¶ By my troth and well worthy, besides to kisse the stockes To come in on the backe side, when ye might go about, I know non such, vnles they long to • aue their braines knockt out D. Rat. ¶ Well, wil you be so good sir, as talke with dame Chat▪ And know what she intended: I aske no more but that▪ Bayly. ¶ Let her be called fellow because of master doctor, I warrant in this case, she wil be hir owne Proctor, She will tel hir owne tale in metter or in prose, And byd you seeke your remedy, and so • o wype your nose.

¶ The v. Acte. ¶ The ii. Sceane, Bayly. M. Bayly. Chat. D. Rat. Gammer. Hodge. Diccon. SAme Chat, master doctor vpon you here complained That you • your maides shuld him much misorder. And taketh many an o • h, that no word he fained, Laying to your charge, how you thought him to murder: And on his part againe, that same man saith furder He neuer offended you in word nor intent, To heare you answer hereto, we haue now for you sent. Chat. ¶That I wold haue murdered him, fye on him wretch, And euil mought be thee for it▪ our Lord I besēch. I will swere on al the bookes that opens and shuttes 〈◊〉 fai • eth this tale out of his owne guttes, For this seuen weekes with me, I am sure he sat not downe, Nay ye haue other minions, in the other end of the towne, Where ye were like • to ca • ch such a blow, • hen any where els, as farre as I know. Baily. ¶ 〈◊〉 like then master Doctor, you stripe there ye got not? D. Rat. ¶ Thinke you I am so mad, that where I was bet, I wod not▪ Wil ye beleue this queane, before she hath tryd it? It 〈◊〉 the first dede she hath done and afterward deuide it. Chat ¶ 〈◊〉 at ma • , will you say I broke your head? D. Rat. ¶ 〈◊〉 canst thou proue the contrary? Chat. ¶ Nay how prouest thou that I did the 〈◊〉 ▪ D. Rat. ¶ To plainly, by S. Mary. This profe I trow may serue, though I no 〈…〉 Showing his broken head. Chat. ¶ Bicause thy head is broken, was it I that it broke? I saw thee Rat I tel thee, not once within this fortnight, D. Rat. ¶ No mary, thou sawest me not, for why thou hadst no light, But I felt thee for al the darke, be shrew thy smothe cheekes, And thou groped me this wil declare, any day this six weekes Showing his heade. Baily. ¶ Answere me to this M. Rat, when caught you this harme of yours? D. Rat. ¶A while a go sir, god he knoweth, wtin les thē these ii. houres. Baily. ¶Dame Chat was there none with you: (confesse I faith) about that season. What woman, let it be what it wil, tis neither felony nor treason Chat. ¶ Yes by my faith master Bayly, there was a knaue not farre Who caught one good Philup on the brow, with a dore barre And well was he worthy, as it semed to mee, But what is that to this man, since this was not hee. Baily. ¶ Who was it then? lets here. D. Rat. ¶ Alas sir, aske you that? Is it not made plain inough (by the owne mouth of dame chat The time agreeth, my head is broken, her tong can not lye, On • ly vpon a bare nay she saith it was not I. Chat. ¶No mary was it not indeede ye shal here by this one thing, This after noone a frēd of mine, for good wil gaue we warning And bad mo wel loke to my ruste, and al my Capo • s pennes, For if I •• ke not better heede, a knaue wold haue my hennes, Then I to saue my goods toke so much pains as him to watch And as good fortune serued me, it was my chaūce hī for to catch What strokes he bare away, or other what was his gaines I wot not, but sure I am, he had something for his paines Ba • l • . ¶Yet telles thou not who it was. Chat▪ ¶ Who it was a false theefe, That came like a false Fore, my • ull • i • e to kil and mischeefe. Baily. ¶ But knowest thou not his name▪ Chat. ¶ I know it but what than. It was that cra • ty cullyon Hodge my gammer gurtons man. Bailie. ¶ Cal me the knaue hether, he shal sure kysse the stockes. D. Rat. I shall te • ch him a lesson, for filc •• ng hens or cocks. ¶ I maru • ile master bayly, so bleared be your eyes. An egge is not so ful of meate as she is ful of lyes: When she hath playd this pranke, • o excuse al this geare, She layeth the fault in such a one, as I know was not there. Chat. ¶ Was he not thear loke on his pate, that shalbe his witnes. D. Rat. ¶I wold my head were half so h •• e, I wold seeke no redresse, Baily. ¶God blesse you gammer Gurton. Gāmer ¶ God • ylde you master mine. Baily. ¶ Thou ha •• a knaue wtin thy house, hodge, a seruant of thine. They tel 〈◊〉 busy knaue, is such a filching one, That Hen. 〈◊〉 goose or capon, thy neighbour can haue none, Gāmer ¶ By go • 〈◊〉 • uch ameued, to beare any such reporte: Hodge was not wo •• • ch trow, to haue him in that sort. Chat. ¶A theenisher knaue is not on liue, more filching nor more false Many a truer man then he, ha • e hanged vp by the halfe. And thou his dame of al his theft, thou art the sole receauer For hodge to catch, and thou to kepe, I neuer knew none better Gāmer ¶ Sir reuerence of your masterdome, and you were out adoore, Chold be so bolde for al hir brags, to cal hir arrant whoore, And ich knew Hodge so bad as tow, ich with me endlesse sorow And chould not take the pains, to hang him vp before to morow? Chat, ¶ What ha • e I stolne frō the or thine: thou ilfauored olde trot. Gāmer ¶ A great deale more (by Gods blest,) then cheuer by the got, That thou knowest wel I neade not say it. Baily. ¶ Stoppe there I say, And tel me here I pray you, this matter by the way: How chaunce hodge is not here him wold I faine haue had. Gāmer ¶ Alas sir, heel be here anon, h • be handled to • ad. Chat. ¶ Master bayly, sir ye be not such a foole wel I know, But ye perceiue by this lingring, there is a pad in the straw. Thinking that Hodg, his head was broke, and that gammer Wold not let him come before them. Gāmer ¶ Ch • l shew you his face, ich warrant the, lo now where he is. Bailie. ¶ Come on fellow it is tolde me thou art a shrew iwysse, Thy neighbours hens yu takest, and playes • he two legged fore Their chikens & their cap • ns to, & now and then their Cocks. Hodge ¶ Ich defy them al that dare it say, cham as true as the best. Baily. ¶ Wart not yu take within this houre, in dame • hats hens nest? Hodge ¶ Take there? no master chold not dot, for a house ful of gold. Chat ¶ Thou or the deuil in thy • ote, sweare this I dare be bold. D. Rat. ¶ • w •• re me no swearing quean, the deuill h • 〈◊〉 the sorow, Al is not worth a gua • , thou canst sweare till to morow, Where is the harme he hath? shew it by gods bread, Ye beat him with a witnes, but the stripes light on my head. Hodge ¶ Bet me? gogs blessed body, chold first ich trow haue burst the Ich thinke and chad my hands loose callet chould haue crust th • . Chat. ¶ Thou shittē knaue I trow yu knowest ye ful wei • ht of my fist I am fowly deceiued, onles thy head & my d • ore bar kyste Hodge ¶ Hold thy chat whore yu criest so loude, 〈◊〉 man els be hard Chat. ¶ Well knaue, & I had the alone, I 〈◊〉 •• rely rap th • costard. Bayly. ¶ Sir answer me to this, is thy head whole or broken? Chat▪ ¶ Yea master Bayly, blest be euer • good token. Hodge ¶ Is my head whole? ich warrāt you, tis neither scuruy nor seald What you foule beast, does think tis either pil • or bald. Nay ich thanke god: chil not for al that thou maist sp • nd That chad one scab on my narse, as brode as thy fingers end. Bayly. ¶ Come nearer heare. Hodge ¶ Yes That iche dare. Bayly. ¶ By our Lady here is no harme, Hodges head is hole ynough, for al dame Chats charme. Chat. ¶ By gogs blest, how euer the thing he clockes or smolders, I know the blowes he ba • e away, either wt head or shoulders, Camest yu not knaue within this houre, creping into my pens And there was caught within my hous, gropīg among my hens. Hodge ¶A plage both on thy hens & the, a carte wh • re, a carte, Chould I were hāged as hie as a tree, & chware as false as yu art Geue my gāmer again her washi • al, yu stole away in thy lap. Gāmer ¶ Yea maister baily there is a thing, you know not on may hay This drab she kepes away my good, ye deuil he might her snare Ich pray you that ich might haue, a right action on her. Chat. ¶ Haue I thy good old filth, or any such old • owes? I am as true, I wold thou knew, as skin betwene thy browes Gāmer ¶ Many a truer hath bē hanged, though you escape the daunger Chat, ¶ Thou shalt answer by gods pity, for this thy foule slaunder. Baily. ¶ Why, what cā ye charge hir withal • to say so, ye do not well. Gāmer ¶ Mary a vēgeance to hir hart, y• whore hase stoln my neele. Chat. ¶ Thy nedle old witch, how so? it were al • nes thy scul to knock So didst thou say, the other day, that I had stolne thy Cock And rosted him to my breakfast, which shal not be forgotten, The deuil pul out thy lying tong, and teeth that be so rotten. Gāmer ¶Geue me my neele, as for my cocke, chould be very loth That chuld here tel he shuld h •• g, on thy false faith and tro • h. Baily. ¶ Your talke is such, I can •• arse learn • who shuld be most in f • ult Gāmer ¶Y • t shal ye •• nd no other wight, saue •• e, by bred & salt Baily. ¶ Kepe ye content a while▪ se that your songes ye holde, Me thinkes you shuld remembre, this is no place to scolde▪ How knowest thou gāmer gurton, dame Chat thy nedle 〈◊〉 Gāmer ¶ To name you sir the party, chould not be very glad. Baily. ¶Yea but we must nedes heare it, & therfore say it boldly. Gāmer ¶ Such one as told the tale, full soberly and coldly, Euen he that loked on, wil sweare on a booke: What time this drunken go •• ip, my faire •• ng neele vp tooke Diccon (master) the Bedlam, cham very sure ye know him. Bailie. ¶ A false knaue by Gods pitie, ye were but a foole to trow him, I durst auenture wel the price of my b • st cap, That when the end is knowen, all wil turne to a iape, Tolde he not you that besides, she stole your Cocke that tyde▪ Gāmer ¶ No master no indede, for then he shuld haue lyed, My cocke is I thanke Christ, safe and wel a fine. Chat. ¶ Yea but that ragged colt, that whore that tyb of thine Said plainly thy cocke was stolne, & in my house was eaten, That lying cut is lost, that she is not swinged and beaten, And yet for al my good name, it were a small amendes I picke not this geare (hearst thou) out of my finger • • nde • But he that hard it told me, who thou of late didst name Diccon whom al men knowes, it was the very same. Baily. ¶ This is the case, you lost your nedle about the dores And she answeres againe, she hase no cocke of yours, Thus in you talke and Action, from that you do intend, She is whole fiue mile wide, from that she doth defend: Will you saie she hath your Cocke? Gāmer ¶ No me • y sir that chil not, Bayly. ¶ Will you confesse hir neele? Chat. ¶ Will I •• o si • will I not. Bayly. ¶ Then there lieth all the matter. Gāmer ¶ Soft •• i • er by the way, Ye know she could do li • le, and she c • ld not say nay. Bayly. ¶ Yea b • t he that made one lie about your Cock stealing, Wil not sticke to make another, what time lies be in dealing I weene the ende wil proue, this brawle did first arise, Upon no other ground, but only Diccons lyes. Chat. ¶ Though some be lyes as you belike haue espyed them. Yet other some be true, by proof I haue wel tryed them. Bayly. ¶ What other thing beside this dame Chat. Chat. ¶ Mary syr euen this, The tale I tolde before, the selfe same tale it was his, He gaue me like a frende, warning against my lo •• e, Els had my hens be stolne, eche one, by Gods crosse: He tolde me Hodge wold come, and in he came indeede, But as the matter chauns • d, with greater hast then speede, This truth was said, and true was found, as truly I report. Bayly. ¶If Doctor Rat be not deceiued, it was of another sort. D. Rat. ¶ By Gods mother thou and he, be a cople of suttle foxes, Betweene you and Hodge. I beare away the bores, Did not diccō apoynt the place, wher yu shuldst stād to mete him. Chat. ¶Yes by the masse, & if he came, bad me not sticke to speet hym. D. Rat. ¶ Gods sacrament the villain knaue hath drest vs round about, He is the cause of all this brawle, that dyrty shitten loute: When gammer gurton here complained, & made a ruful mone I heard him sweare yt you had gotten, hir ned • e that was gone, And this to try he furder said, he was ful lo • h how be it He was content with small adoe, to bring me where to see it. And where ye sat, he said ful certain, if I wold folow his read Into your house a priuy way, he wold me guide and leade, And where ye had it in your hands, sewing about a clowte, And set me in the backe hole, therby to finde you out: And whiles I sought a quietnes, creping vpon my knees, I found the weight of your dore bar, for my reward and fees, Such is the lucke that some men gets, while they begin to mel In setting at one such as were out▪ minding to make al wel. Hodge ¶ Was not wel blest gāmer, to scape ye • coure▪ & chad ben there Thē chad ben drest be like, as ill by the masse, as ga •• ar vicar. Bayly. ¶ Mary sir, here is a sport alone, I loked for such an end If diccon had not playd the knaue, this had ben sone amend My gammer here he made a foole, and drest hir as she was And good wife Chat he set to scole, till both partes cried alas, And D. Rat was not behind, whiles Chat his crown did pare, I wold the knaue had bē starke blind, 〈◊〉 hodg had not his share. Hodge ¶ Cham meetly wel sped alredy amongs, cham drest like a coult And chad not had the better wit, chad bene made a • oul • . Bayly. ¶ Sir knaue make hast diccon were here, fetch him where euer he bee Chat. ¶ Fie on the villaine, fie, fie, yt makes vs thus agree, Gāmer ¶ Fie on him knaue, with al my hart, now fie, and fie againe. D. Rat. ¶ Now fie on him may I best say, whom he hath almost slaine. Bayly. ¶Lo where he commeth at hand, belike he was not fare Diccon heare be two or three, thy company can not spare. Diccon ¶ God blesse you, and you may be blest so many al at once Chat. ¶ Come knaue, it were a good deed to geld the by cockes bones Seest not thy handiwarke▪ sir Rat can ye forbeare him? Diccon ¶ A vēgeance on those hands lite, for my hāde cam not nere hym The horsen priest hath lift the pot, in some of these alewyues chayres That his head wolde not serue him, belyke to come downe the stayres. Baily. ¶ Nay soft, thou maist not play ye knaue, & haue this language to If thou thy tong bridle a while, the better maist thou do, Confesse the truth as I shall aske, and cease a while to fable. And for thy fault I promise the, thy handling shalbe reasonable Hast thou not made a lie or two, to set these tw • by the eares? Diccon ¶ What if I haue▪ fiue hundred such haue I seene within these seuen yeares: I am sory for nothing else but that I see not the sport Which was betwene them whē they met, as they thēselues report Bayly. ¶ The greatest thing master rat, ye se how he is drest. Diccon. ¶ What deuil nede he be groping so depe, in good wife Chats hēs nest Bayly. ¶ Yea but it was thy drift to bring him into y• briars. Diccon. ¶ Gods bread, hath not such an old foole, wit to saue his eares? He showeth himselfe herein ye see, so very a coxe, The Cat was not so madly alured by the Foxe, To run into the snares, was set for him doubtlesse, For he leapt in for myce, and this sir Iohn for madnes. D. Rat. ¶ Well and ye shift no better, ye losel, lyther, and la ••• , I will go neare for this, to make ye leape at a Dasye. In the kings name master Bayly, I charge you set him fast. Diccon. ¶ What fast at cardes, or fast on slepe? it is the thing I did last. D. Rat. ¶ Nay fast in fetters false varlet, according to thy deedes. Bayly. ¶ Master doctor ther is no remedy, I must intreat you needes Some other kinde of punishment, D. Rat. ¶Nay by all Halowes. His punishmēt if I may iudg, shalbe naught els but the gallous. Bayly. ¶ That were to sore, a spiritual man to be so extreame. D. Rat. ¶ Is he worthy any better, sir how do ye iudge and deame? Bayly. ¶ I graunt him wortie punishment, but in no wise so great. Gāmer ¶ It is a shame ich tel you plaine, for such false knaues intreat He has almost vndone vs al, that is as tr • e as steele▪ And yet for al this great a do'cham neuer the nere my neele. Bayly. ¶ Canst yu not say any thing to that diccon, wish least or most▪ Diccon ¶ Yea mary sir, thus much I can say wel, the nedle is lost. Bayly. ¶ Nay canst not thou tel which way, that nedle may be found Diccon ¶ No by my fay sir. though I might haue an hundred pound. Hodge ¶ Thou lier lickdis • , didst not say the neele wold be gitten? Diccon ¶ No hodge, by the same token, you where that time be s • itten? For feare of Hobgobling, you wot wel what I meane, As long as it is sence, I feare me yet ye be scarce cleane. Bayly. ¶ Wel master rat, you must both learne, & teach vs to forgeue Since Diccon hath confession made, • is so cleane shreue, If ye to me conscent, to amend this heauie chaunce. I wil inioyne him here, some open kind of penaunce: Of this condition, where ye know my fee is twenty pence For the bloodshed, I am agreed with you here to dispence, Ye shal go quite, so that ye graunt, the matter now to run, To end with mirth emong vs al, euen as it was begun. Chat. ¶ Say yea master vicar, & he shal sure confes to be your dotter And al we that be heare present, wil loue you much the better D. Rat. ¶ My part is the worst, but since you al here on agree. Go euen to master Bayly▪ let it be so for mee, Bayly. ¶ How saiest thou diccon, art content this shal on me depend Diccon ¶ Go to M. Bayly say on your mind, I know ye are my frend▪ Bayly. ¶Then marke ye wel, to recompence this thy former action Because thou hast offended al, to make them satisfaction, Before their faces, here kneele downe, & as I shal the teach. For thou shalt take on othe, of hodges leather breache First for master Doctor, vpon paine of his cu • sse, Where he wil pay for al▪ thou neuer draw thy pur •• e. And when ye m • ete at one pot, he shall haue the first pull, And thou shalt neuer offer him the cup, but it be full. To good wife ch • t thou shalt be sworne, euen on the same wyse If • he refuse thy money once, neuer to offer it twise. Thou shalt be bound by the same here, as thou dost take it When thou maist drinke of free cost, thou neuer forsake it: For gammer gurtons sake, againe sworne shalt thou bee To helpe hir to hir ne • le againe if it do lie in thee And likewise be bound: by the vertue of that To be of good abering to Gib hir great Cat: Last of al for Hodge, the othe to scanne, Thou shalt neuer take him, for fine gentleman. Hodge ¶ Come on fellow Diccon chalbe euen with thee now. Bayly ¶ Thou wilt not sticke to do this Diccon I trow. Diccon ¶ No by my fathers skin, my hand downe I lay it? Lo • e as I haue promised, I wil not denay it, But Hodge take good heede now, thou do not beshite me. And gaue him a good blow on the buttocke. Hodge ¶Gogs hart thou false villaine dost thou bite me • Bayly ¶ What Hodge doth he hurt the or euer he begin. Hodge ¶ He thrust me into the buttocke, with a bodkin or a pin, I saie Gammer, Gammer? Gāmer ¶ How now Hodge, how now: Hodge ¶ Gods ma • t Gammer gurton. Gāmer ¶ Thou art mad ich trow. Hodge ¶ Will you see the deuil Gammer. Gāmer ¶ The deuil sonne, god blesse vs. Hodge ¶ Chould iche were hanged Gammer. Gāmer ¶ Mary se ye might dresse vs. Hodge ¶ • haue it by the masse Gammer Gāmer ¶ What not my neele Hodge? Hodge ¶Your Neele Gammer, your neele. Gāmer ¶ No fie, dost but dodge. Hodge ¶ Cha • ound • our neele Gammer, here in my hand be it. Gāmer ¶ For al the loues on earth Hodge, let me see it. Ho • ge ¶ Soft Gammer. Gāmer ¶ Good Hodge. Hodge ¶ Soft ich say, tarie a while. Gāmer ¶ Nay swee • e Hodge say truth, and do not me begile. Hodge ¶ Cham sure on it ich warrant you: it goes no more a stray Gāmer ¶ Hodge when I speake so faire: wilt stil say me na • : Hodge ¶ Go neare the • ight gammer this wel in faith good lucke: Chwas almost vndone: twas so far in my buttocke Gāmer ¶ Tis min owne deare neele Hodge, sykerly I wot Hodge ¶ Cham I not a good sonne gammer, cham I not, Gāmer ¶ Christs blessing light on thee, hast made me for euer Hodge ¶ Ich knew that ich must finde it, els choud a had it neuer Chat. ¶ By my troth Go •• py gurton, I am euen as glad As though I mine owne selfe as good a turne had: Bayly. ¶And I by my concience, to see it so come forth, Reioyce so much at it, 〈◊〉 three nedles be worth. D. Rat. ¶ I am no whit sory to see you so reioyce. Diccon ¶ Nor I much the gladder for al this noyce: Yet say gramercy Diccon, for springing of the game. Gāmer ¶ Gramercy Diccon twenty times, • how glad cham, If that chould do so much, your masterdome to come hether, Master Rat, good wife Chat, and Diccon together: Cha but one half peny, as far as iche know it, And chil not rest this night, till ich bestow it. If euer ye loue me, let vs go in and drinke. Bayly. ¶ I am content if the rest thinke as I thinke▪ Mas • er Rat it shalbe best for you if we so doo, Then shall you warme you and dr •• se your self too. Diccon ¶ Soft syrs, take vs with you, the company shalbe the more, As proude coms behinde they say, as any goes before, But now my good masters since we must be gone And leaue you behinde vs, here all alone: Since at our last ending, thus mery we bee, For Gammer Gurtons nedle sake, let vs haue a plaudyti • . Finis, Gurton. Perused and alowed, &c.

Imprinted at London in Fleetestreate beneath the Conduite, at the signe of S. Iohn Euangelist, by Thomas Colwell. 1575.