Getting the ideas out

Public speaking is one of the most common fears (I was surprised to learn it ranked right behind the fear of death!) and the only way to nudge yourself towards comfort is to start. In this post, I share my method for topic brainstorming. Only you can can make it yours so, please, do whatever helps you turn off your self-doubt filter and put your ideas onto paper.

Gather a few folks who are interested in speaking but are stuck at “but I have nothing to say!” for an exercise. Tell them they will be writing as many possible answers for each of several questions, spending 90 seconds on each question and pausing to wait for the group to continue together. Being timed tends to cause us to filter our ideas less so each person will end with topics they might not have come up with if they were trying to “weed out” as they go along.

Here's my list of questions:

• Things that I know about
• Things that I want to learn about
• Things that I am afraid of
• What are some practices that you wish other people did?
• What practices + tips do you wish you could have told your past self?
• What is an interesting bug that you've run into that surprised you or taught you something?
• What are areas that you have expertise in?
• What resources were helpful to me as I was learning?

Get group feedback

When you reach the end of the list, group members swap papers and mark all the ideas they would like to learn more about. Swap as many times as you’d like and if the group is interested, ask folks to elaborate on their selections, either to the group or the partner they reviewed for (in quieter groups, sharing feedback between partners is helpful but sharing with the group allows all to benefit). You’ll quickly see how interesting your ideas are and will likely hear some helpful suggestions to the tune of “I’d especially like to hear about this aspect of this topic.”

A few pieces of group feedback are especially helpful to participants:

• Any topics you would especially love to hear about?
• Do you see connections or themes in the listed topics?
• Is there a particular “framing” of the topic that you imagine?

The best part: Everyone goes home with a sheet of ideas.

Admire your work

This exercise helps build some very important muscles! You’ll become a successful speaker much faster if you embrace the vulnerability and don’t give into the temptation to undersell your ideas, either to yourself or others! It is common, when asking for help, for folks to share their (often fantastic) idea and then immediately hedge with “oh but I’m not sure it will work”, “sorry to bother you”, etc. One reason this exercise is helpful is that the group offers a good dose of affirmation before you can talk yourself out of your best ideas!

Folks interested in another version of this exercise can find one here.

Hope you enjoy and if you have any thoughts feel free to comment at the bottom or reach out via twitter or email.

The TLDR

Two years ago, I was staring at an empty page labeled “Talk ideas” at the top. Like many, I wanted to speak but was pretty sure I would never be able to pick a topic that would give me the chance to be selected. This year, I’ve shared three talks at 18 conferences. There was a lot to learn along the way but the first, most difficult, and most important step was to realize that I had experiences and knowledge worth sharing and that, yes, this knowledge could be moulded into a 30 minute brainshare that people would want to actually hear.

• Ned Batchelder of Boston Python, who is known, among other fabulousness, for “pulling out the talk inside” by asking questions that bring people closer to their talk topic. I hung around Boston Python from 2012-2014 and appreciated the monthly reminder that we could/should all be up there speaking.
• Gwen Weston who hosted a workshop that included a version of this exercise at the Recurse Center, where I was introduced to it. Props also to Lucy Brain, who blogged about a similar exercise.
• Attendees of the “Getting Started Speaking” Openspaces I’ve headed (PyCon US, DevOpsDays Chicago, and DevOpsDays Buffalo). Just like many of us hesitate to speak publically, I often need to talk myself into writing so if you like this post, you have these folks to thank. Yay to you all!

Each rough draft brought feedback and after a few rounds of revisions, people were interested in my talk. Finally being accepted after a few rounds of rejections made me feel on top of the world! I only got scared when I realized I would be traveling to four different conferences (including two international ones - in Belgium and the Dominican Republic!). I hadn’t crossed an ocean in more than a decade, and I would do it twice during my one-month “tour.” With all that travel squished into such a short time, I expected at least a few learning moments along the way. I wasn’t wrong!

Address pinch-points in your schedule

If you know that something in your schedule will be difficult, ask to change it. For example, I was asked to speak on the same day I would need to leave for the airport. It only occurred to me as I was rushing on the morning of my talk to pack and bring my bags to the conference center that I could have avoided all this unpleasantness by sharing my travel plans and asking to speak earlier in the conference. There will be times when you just have to pull yourself together and do the logistically difficult thing but there’s no reason to not ask if you can foresee the grind.

Ask, ask, ask

Ask as many questions as you need of your conference organizers. Anything you need to know to feel prepared, really. Ask it far enough in advance and your organizers may put together a Q&A for others. You aren’t the only one. (And this counts double for first-time speakers!) Ask about the mic & what clothing it clips to best, if you’ll have time for an on-stage “dry run” the night before,… Anything you need. Ask wildly and with reckless abandon. Ask as if you couldn’t imagine anyone judging you. You’ll learn they aren’t.

A few logistical questions that ease my mind:

• Will there be a designated time for speakers to test their slides in the room they will be speaking? Git Merge did this and being able to say a few lines of my intro before I gave my first “big stage” talk (Yes, my voice does sound weird! There are a lot of seats out there! (etc.)) made all the difference for my nerves.”
• What is that mic like and what constraints does it put on clothing? Wearers of feminine styles need to pay special attention to this because any clothing (scarf, etc.) that could brush the mic and obscure sound is no good. I quickly removed a pair of dangling earrings so they wouldn’t interfere with my headset mic, and they were misplaced backstage. (RIP, earrings. Hope you are happy somewhere.) Everyone, learn from my mistake.
• If I need to fly the last day of the conference, is there a secure place to keep baggage on that day? If not, it’s time to pare down to a backpack!

Plan your practice time

Plenty of it. 2x, 4x, 10x* what you think you need. Carve out some time for some nerve-working-out practice a day or two before as well. You may not see other speakers doing it, but they are. Go sneak off for some self-care practice.

Get yourself in front of a crowd

Look for ways to practice in front of an audience before your big day. Even an adapted version of your talk will give you valuable feedback. Check in with Meetups, offer to speak at work or to academics in a related field. One friend who did this found a Meetup organizer that was willing to shuffle the Meetup’s event schedule to accommodate a practice session. I wasn’t able to fit into the busy NYC Meetup scene, but I did get the chance to give a related workshop by asking about speaking opportunities. Amazing things can happen!

Talk to yourself

If you can’t get an audience to help you work through your nerves, there’s technology to help you do that! I had the habit of stopping and restarting when make a mistake and that’s not something you want to do during the real talk to avoid bringing attention to your mistakes! I challenged this habit by using Quicktime to make a video that included my screen and my voice as I walked through my talk. It felt like someone was watching! Some use these screencasts during unrecorded talks so they can promote themselves online. Alternatively, some practice in front of folks who aren’t paying attention to them—it’s just enough pressure you’ll keep going but may be more helpful than talking to an empty room or screen. If you’ve ever wanted a reason to “perform” in a crowded place, I’ve got your excuse right here!

Plan those posts

Get serious about pre-planning your social media posts. I use twitter to keep in touch with conference and work folks, so I use TweetDeck [my #conferencefriend Sarah has some tips!] to schedule tweets a few days ahead. There will be things you want to tweet as they happen (cheers 🥂to the live-tweeters—your thumbs are far faster than mine!), but a lot of tweets can be planned before you arrive. You know you’ll want to announce your talk time/location for the folks on-site and that you’ll want to send your slides out shortly after you get off stage, right? I promise you’ll completely forget in the moment. Do as much prep as you can to make sure “future you” has less to think about day-of.

Your nerves are normal

I feel like I have the flu for about a day before my talk but these symptoms disappear in the hours before I speak. I imagined this would get better with time but several speakers spoke about similar reactions, even for subjects/talks that they have given several times. I guess a tummy’s got to do what a tummy’s got to do. Whatever pre-talk nerves you have, if you can let them be there, I think you’ll be a lot happier. I’ve heard of folks acknowledging their nerves to their audience and I told myself I would do that if I felt myself getting lost. Acknowledging your stress (even if only to yourself) gives you the chance to recognize you are facing an unknown (It’s ok! I’m safe!”) and make it easier to avoid shutting down. Having a plan for my “worst case” made me a lot more comfortable.

Jerks on planes

As glamorous as travel can look, like any series of new experiences, it will stress your body and brain in ways you didn’t expect. Sometimes coexisting with an airplane full of other similarly strained humans ends in rudeness. If you’re already in “I’m just happy to be here” mode and questioning you are truly excellent enough at what you do to be traveling and speaking about it, you might feel you have to comply with the entitled asks of strangers. For example, if you choose to graciously accommodate another passenger's request to swap seats, it's a gift, not a reward for the other person demanding it. Sometimes you're just sitting next to a jerk and you should respond however seems best to you. But "no" is always ok.

I do a lot of planning to both help myself feel prepared and to avoid having unfortunate things happen. While I do have a tendency to always imagine the worst case scenario, but I realized on this complicated, multi-stop, multi-talk, and terrifying and amazing adventure that I’m experiencing more nuance in my speaking stress than I did before. If I can indulge in my copious planning (and thus let myself think about all those negative outcomes) without feeling stress as if the negative outcome is coming unless I act, I benefit from planning without inviting its more anxiety-filled flip side: Being too worried to enjoy all the good things I’ve planned for.

Going through life avoiding one “worst” after another can be a hard habit to break. If we can shift to celebrating each of those previously anxiety-inducing steps, we can be a lot happier. Planning ahead is self-care, after all, and we could all use a little more of that. I have had a lot of contention in the past over the negativity inherent in always imagining the worst case scenario but putting myself through the stress of travel is getting me a little closer to finding balance. I want a future that is guided more by the carrots than the sticks.

Last year, attending three conferences in one month overwhelmed me. This February, I attended four and spoke at three of those and haven’t really stopped since. I’m really proud of this growth, but I’ll be the first to admit that I was terrified as my plans were coming together. The “what-ifs” were staggering. My support system was amazing as I prepared. I had pairing buddies, speaking buddies, “you’ve got this” buddies, and one extra-amazing bud who sat next to not-used-to-traveling me and helped me press the “purchase” button on the plane tickets for two international flights. Thanks for the help, squad. You helped me “tear the bandaid off” my conference speaking fear and I’m super-proud and excited for everything that comes next.

This was written at the end of February 2019 but posted in September 2019 because the conference adventures continued! While many of my perspectives have changed, hopefully my initial speaking thoughts will be helpful to others. Thanks to Kayla, Khalid, Kate, Deborah, Sarah and Andrew for pre-reading this post.

* Please note this was written well before all that “10x developer” nonsense hit the internet.

Optimize for happiness at your next conference

Attending conferences is by far one of the best ways to meet people in your field and be introduced to concepts that you may not see in your daily work. I try to be efficient, and (downside to perfectionism) this can make decision-making difficult. I’ve found, in situations with many good choices, it’s helpful to make the choice that I expect I will regret the least. This is my “golden rule” of conference decision-making.

1. Define your own goals

When every choice you make means missing something else, it can be really helpful to set your own goals ahead of time. For example, the first time I attended PyCon, I spent most of my time attending talks and sessions. I only wandered onto the expo floor after I learned that some folks had I gotten O'Reilly coloring books, and, no, I had not been fast enough to get one of my own.

This year, I decided to attend only a small number of sessions, because now I knew I would be almost as happy seeing them online. Instead, I spent most of my time talking to people, some of whom I now consider friends. I felt I had “conferenced” to my fullest each time, and I was only able to do that because I had started the week with a plan for what I would compromise on and what I would prioritize. I still chuckle to myself when I remember that it was a coloring book that dragged me into the expo hall/hallway track. (And yes, during my latest trip around the expo hall, the O’Reilly booth was one of the first on my list.)

2. Prepare yourself for a deluge of new ideas

It’s far easier to be ready for new ideas while sitting at your desk, tea and notebook in hand, anticipating new challenges. When you’re traveling and feeling overloaded, learning can be difficult. At home, we’re likely to say “my brain is full,” and do whatever it takes to for us to come back to the problem fresher. At a conference, it rarely feels there is time and space to refresh. I’ve found that each time I attempt to push my understanding day-in-and-day-out for that length of time, I’m vulnerable to all-or-nothing thinking (when things are going well: “this is learning, and I’m doing great!”; once I see something confusing: ”ohno, I don’t even know how to approach this”).

I’ve found a few things I can do to ease this feeling:

• Think about what topics and technologies you’d like to learn, and evaluate how much background you have for each topic. While learning a bit about something new is a fantastic use of your conference time (remember, a lot of people go to conferences to discover what they want to learn next), the slightly disoriented “newb” feeling is a stressful one to sit with. It’s helpful to walk in the door saying “this might be hard for me, but I’m going anyway!”
• Try to attend at least one event which you care about but have some mastery each day. You will retain more if you attend talks/events that you expect to have a range of personal difficulty levels.
• When you have a “know nothing” moment, remind yourself of an accomplishment. I have a whole folder of screenshots that remind me of times I’ve been resourceful or figured out a difficult problem. Having a handful of proud moments at the top of your mind can really help bring you back into growth-mindset when it starts to slip.

3. Make (purposefully low-pressure) conversation

Everyone knows a few people that they enjoy running into, so aspire to be that person! Consider opening a conversation by asking what a person looks forward to at the conference as a low-pressure alternative to “tell me about you [your career]”. Regardless of their work/life situation, or how ready they feel to give an elevator pitch, everyone comes to a conference excited about something. By putting other people at ease, you’ll have more candid conversations and everyone will walk away with a smile on their face.

4. Maintain routines

Even the small adjustments you make to be comfortable in your daily life can make a big difference. Think about your typical food needs (I’m usually carrying a sandwich bag of nuts), comfort items (falling asleep is so much easier with an eye mask), and any self-care gear that you use regularly. I keep a list and update it each time I realize that, yes, I did forget something. If you’re starting your own list, you can use this as inspiration.

5. Keep a wish list

I take note of what I wished I had brought or saw other people bring and thought “that’s genius”.

Next time, I plan to bring:

• A surge strip for recharging at the conference center. What a great way to avoid the wall-squat-near-a-charger problem and make new (similarly charger-hungry) friends.
• A set of contact cards. I’ve found that it’s easier to remember someone if you have a card to scribble a few words about what you talked to them about / when to connect with them.
• A small notepad or syncing phone app. Many I have talked to kept notes on talks, conversations, and any of their reactions they expect to wish to revisit.

6. Prepare for the possible “con-drop”

When you attend a conference, you’re interrupting your “normal” and replacing it with a deluge of new ideas, opportunities, and the sense that we have to be “on” as much as possible. There are many reasons to feel overwhelmed, especially if you start to see practices at work or in yourself that you now realize aren’t ideal but don’t feel you can implement new patterns. It’s important to think about the space you need for yourself after this kind of experience.

I wish you a happy and well-prepared conference season!