# Dad style programming jokes > submit your own, if they make me laugh I'll merge them. --- Unfortunately these jokes only work if you git them. --- **Q:** What can you do if you cannot push your git changes? **A:** Use the `--force`, Luke --- **Q:** Which body part does a programmer know best? **A:** ARM --- **Q:** Relationship status? **A:** I'll leave the relations to the database. --- **Q:** How do you get the code for the bank vault? **A:** You checkout their branch. --- **Q:** How did the developer announce their engagement? **A:** They `return`ed `true`! --- **Q:** Why did the security conscious engineer refuse to pay their dinner bill? **A:** Because they could not verify the checksum. --- **Q:** What do you call a busy waiter? **A:** A server. --- **Q:** What do you call an idle server? **A:** A waiter. --- ``` [Please Enter New Password] fortnight [Error: Password is Two Week] ``` --- **Q:** How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? **A:** Yes. --- I’ve been hearing news about this big boolean. Huge if true. --- **Q:** What diet did the ghost developer go on? **A:** Boolean --- **Q:** Why was the developer unhappy at their job? **A:** They wanted arrays. --- **Q:** Why did 10 get paid less than "10"? **A:** There was workplace inequality. --- **Q:** Why was the function sad after a successful first call? **A:** It didn’t get a callback. --- **Q:** Why did the angry function exceed the callstack size? **A:** It got into an Argument with itself --- **Q:** Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy? **A:** Inheritance --- **Q:** Why did the developer ground their kid? **A:** They weren't telling the truthy --- **Q:** What did the array say after it was extended? **A:** Stop objectifying me. --- **!false** It's funny 'cause it's true. --- **Q:** Where did the parallel function wash its hands? **A:** Async --- **Q:** I'm starting a band called HTML Encoder **A:** Looking to buy a guitar \& --- **Q:** Why did the functions stop calling each other? **A:** Because they had constant arguments. --- **Q:** What's the second movie about a database engineer called? **A:** The SQL. --- **Q:** Why doesn't Hollywood make more Big Data movies? **A:** NoSQL. --- A programmer's significant other tells them, "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. --- **Q:** What did the spider do on the computer? **A:** Made a website! --- **Q:** What did the computer do at lunchtime? **A:** Had a byte! --- **Q:** What does a baby computer call his father? **A:** Data! --- **Q:** Why did the computer keep sneezing? **A:** It had a virus! --- **Q:** What is a computer virus? **A:** A terminal illness! --- I never tell the same joke twice I have a DRY sense of humor. --- **Q:** Why was the computer freezing? **A:** It left its Windows open! --- **Q:** Why was there a bug in the computer? **A:** Because it was looking for a byte to eat? --- **Q:** Why did the computer squeak? **A:** Because someone stepped on its mouse! --- **Q:** What do you get when you cross a computer and a life guard? **A:** A screensaver! --- **Q:** Where do all the cool mice live? **A:** In their mousepads! --- **Q:** What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? **A:** Lots of memory! --- Java truly is an OOP language... As in: OOPs I used Java! --- **Q:** How do programming pirates pass method parameters? **A:** Varrrrarrrgs. --- **Q:** How do programming shepherds count their flock? **A:** With lambda functions --- **Q:** What airline do developers prefer when they're in a rush? **A:** Delta. --- **Q:** How did pirates collaborate before computers ? **A:** Pier to pier networking. --- **Q:** Why don't bachelors like Git? **A:** Because they are afraid to commit. --- **Q:** A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks: **A:** Can I JOIN you? --- **Q:** Where is a slow query's favorite fishing spot? **A:** The latency. --- **Q:** How does a developer make a cheer? **A:** ["hip","hip"] // (hip hip array!) --- **Q:** Why was the developer's family upset with them at dinner? **A:** They forgot to git squash before going home --- **Q:** What did JavaScript call his son? **A:** JSON! --- **Q:** What did the proud React component say to its child? **A:** I've got to give you props --- **Q:** What did the server say to his client who was having a bad day? **A:** Everything's going to be 200 --- **Q:** Why did the stoner attend the cryptography conference? **A:** They heard it would be a Hash Function --- **Q:** Why did the developer go broke? **A:** Because they used up all their cache --- **Q:** Are computers dangerous? **A:** Nah, they don't byte. They just nibble a bit. --- **Q:** How did the mafioso kill the Node server? **A:** Tie await to it and let it async. --- **Q:** You know what the best thing about booleans is? **A:** Even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit. --- **Q:** Why do UPS drivers get nervous when their internet is unstable? **A:** Because they might lose packets. --- **Q:** Why couldn’t the user update a file on a shared server? **A:** They didn’t have the write permissions --- **Q:** What do you do when you can't understand your husband's behavior? **A:** man man --- **Q:** What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? **A:** A URLogist --- **Q:** How many developers does it take to change a light bulb? **A:** None. It's a hardware issue --- **Q:** Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? **A:** Because 31 OCT == 25 DEC --- **Q:** Why do kayakers make bad programmers? **A:** Because they're afraid of waterfall. --- **Q:** Why do C programmers write their letters in **bold**? **A:** Because they're **strongly** typed. --- **Q:** What are computers' favorite snacks? **A:** Microchips, phish sticks, and cookies. But just a few bytes of each. --- **Q:** What do computers love to do at the beach? **A:** Put on some spam block for protection so they can safely surf the net while catching some .WAVs! --- **Q:** What do you call a computer that sings? **A:** A-dell. --- **Q:** What's a compiler developer's favorite spice? **A:** Parsley. --- **Q:** When do front end developers go out to eat? **A:** On their lunch `
`. --- **Q:** A SQL developer walked into a NoSQL bar. **A:** They left because they couldn't find a table. --- **Q:** How do you help JS errors? **A:** You `console` them! --- **Q:** Why don't parents teach their kids about regular expressions? **A:** Because they don't want them playing with matches --- **Q:** Why was the developer complaining at the hotel reception? **A:** Because they couldn't find room 404 --- **Q:** Why didn't the `
` get invited to the dinner party? **A:** Because it had no class! --- **Q:** Why aren't cryptocurrency engineers allowed to vote? **A:** Because they're miners! --- **Q:** Why did the constant break up with the variable? **A:** Because they changed. --- **Q:** Why did the database administrator leave his wife? **A:** She had one-to-many relationships. --- Asynchronous JavaScript is amazing. I Promise you, await and see. --- **Q:** What did the Class say in court when put on trial? **A:** I strongly object! --- **Q:** Why do Java developers wear glasses? **A:** Because they don't C#! --- **Q:** What are the three hardest problems in computer science? **A:** Naming things and off-by-one errors --- **Q:** What did the fruit basket say to the developer? **A:** I hope you're ready for some pear programming! --- **Q:** How does a sysadmin keep a fire going? **A:** They rotate the logs. --- I've got a great UDP joke but I'm afraid you wouldn't get it... --- A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code. They refused to comment. --- There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't. --- **Q:** I love you and I only love you. Does that turn you on? **AND GATE:** No. --- **Q:** Why do all HTML emails get blocked? **A:** Because they are all ``. --- **Q:** What did the process say after working in an infinite loop all day? **A:** I need a break. --- **Q:** An Agent died unexpectedly. How was the crime solved? **A:** By looking at the Stack Trace. --- **Q:** Why did the document store go out of business? **A:** It had NoSQL. --- **Q:** Why can't SQL and NoSQL Developers date one other? **A:** Because they don't agree on relationships. --- **Q:** Why is Python like the Soviet Union? **A:** Because it has no private fields --- **Q:** Where did the API go to eat? **A:** To the RESTaurant --- **Q:** Why shouldn't you trust Matlab developers? **A:** Because they're always plotting something. --- **Q:** Why did the developer have to quit smoking? **A:** Because they couldn't afford to pay the new syntax. --- **Q:** How does a programmer open a jar for their significant other? **A:** They install Java --- **Q:** What did the psychic say to the developers? **A:** I see dev people. --- **Q:** Where does the pirate stash all of their digital treasures? **A:** RAR --- **Q:** What is React's favorite movie genre? **A:** Suspense --- **Q:** Why couldn't the React component understand the joke? **A:** Because it didn't get the context. --- **Q:** What did XHR say to AJAX when it thought it was being a Mean Girl? **A:** Stop trying to make fetch happen! --- **Q:** What was Grace Hopper's favorite car? **A:** VW Bug --- **Q:** What sits on a pirate's shoulder and calls, "Pieces of seven, Pieces of seven"? **A:** Parroty error. --- **Q:** What is a pirate's favorite programming language? **A:** You'd think it was R, but a pirate's first love is Objectively C. --- **Q:** Why did the programmer come home crying? **A:** His friends were always boolean him. --- **-** Knock Knock! **-** An async function **-** Who's there? --- **Q:** What PostgreSQL library should Python developers use for adult-oriented code? **A:** psycoPG13 --- The next time you're using Safari or Firefox and it's running slowly, you can say to yourself, "[I could've had a V8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld8eAH0MW00)". --- **Q:** What do you call a beverage that is 75% Root Beer, and 75% Ice Cream? **A:** A Float --- **Q:** What accommodations did the JavaScript developer request at the hotel? **A:** A room with a Vue. --- **Q:** Where do developers drink? **A:** The Foo bar --- **Q:** Why was the engineer upset when the bartender served them `1` shot of whiskey? **A:** Because they thought they ordered a double. --- **Q:** Why do assembly programmers need to know how to swim? **A:** Because they work below C level. --- **Q:** Who used the internet before it was cool? **A:** Httpsters --- **Q:** What kind of computer can hold a musical note? **A:** A Dell. --- **Q:** Why did the web developer always go to the wrong hotel room? **A:** They were in room 301. --- **Q:** How do you stop a web developer stealing your stuff? **A:** Write 403 on it. --- **Q:** Why are machine learning models so fit? **A:** Because they do weight training. --- **Q:** Why did Gargamel shut down the internet? **A:** Because he didn't want people **SMURFING** the web! --- **Q**: What did the command line die of? **A**: A Terminal illness. --- **Q**: Did you hear what the clumsy cryptographer did to their password? **A**: Made a hash of it. --- **Q**: Why are keyboards always working so hard? **A**: Cause they have two shifts! --- **Q**: What are clouds made of? **A**: Mostly linux servers. --- **Q**: Why did Tom Selleck never git commit anything? **A**: Because he thought he mustache his work. --- **Q**: How does Mr. Potato Head (dev edition 0.0.1) remove his mustache? **A**: git stache pop --- **Q**: Why can't you use 'Soup' as your password? **A**: Because it isn't `stroganoff` --- **Q**: Why do developers use mechanical keyboards? **A**: To strongly type their code. --- A new database query walks into a bar. The server says "Sorry, cache only." --- What's the best tool for automatically ignoring long email threads about tech buzzwords? "Block-chain" --- **Q**: What is a developer's favorite country song? **A**: Hello World - by Lady Antebellum --- **Q**: Why was nobody given food at the developer conference? **A**: It was a serverless function! --- **Q**: Why did the developer cancel their dinner plans? **A**: They were unable to fulfil peer dependencies --- **Q**: Why did the functional programmer finally move out of their house? **A**: For(e) closure --- **Q**: Why do cryptographers never have more than 2 kids? **A**: Because after Alice and Bob, they can't think of any other names --- **Q:** How do JavaScript developers break up? **A:** They always promise to callback --- **Q:** Why do developers mixup Terminals and Polygraphs? **A:** Because they both can see a lie (CLI) --- **Q:** Did you hear about the programmer that was scared of IDEs? **A:** They retreated back into their shell --- **Q:** What do you call optimistic front-end developers? **A:** Stack half-full developers. --- Chuck Norris can take a screenshot of his blue screen. --- **Q:** Have you heard the one about the Corduroy pillow? **A:** It's making HEADLINES! --- **Q:** Hey officer! How did the hackers escape? **A:** No idea. They just ransomware. --- **Q:** Why can’t data engineers become hat makers? **A:** They can only guarantee two thirds of a CAP! --- **Q:** How did the hippie learn about database transactions? **A:** By taking ACID --- **Q:** Why is it called the Dark Ages? **A:** There were a lot of KNIGHTS! --- **Q:** What did the Network Administrator say when they caught a nasty virus? **A:** It hurts when IP --- **Q:** Which programming language is the shortest? **A:** HTML. Because it doesn't have a neck between its `` and ``. --- **Q**: What good can come of 2989 witches casting a hex? **A**: None, it is always 0xBAD --- **Q**: Did you hear about the witch who was off by two when casting a hex? **A**: They failed to make the target DEAD and made them DEAF instead! --- I went to a street where the houses were numbered 8k, 16k, 32k, 64k, 128k, 256k and 512k. It was a trip down Memory Lane. --- Lisp programmers don't make prank calls. They make `FUNCALL`s --- **Q**: Why do Front-End Developers eat lunch alone? **A**: Because, they don't know how to join tables. --- **Q**: What advice do you give to a JS developer who has never played baseball? **A**: Try catch. --- **Q**: Got any funny DNS jokes? **A**: Yeah, but it may take 24 hours to get it. --- **Q**: Why were A & B so frustrated? **A**: Because they couldn’t cd… --- **Q**: Where do programmer dad's store their jokes? **A**: In a dad-a-base. --- **Q**: Why was the developer MEAN to React? **A**: Because they preferred Angular. --- **Q**: Why do Websockets make the best therapists? **A**: They are always listening. --- **Q**: Why did the ALU refuse to add two subnibbles. **A**: Because it refuses to be seen doing a two-bit operation. --- **Q**: How do you know your baby is going to be a developer when they grow up? **A**: Their first word is "Hello world!" --- **Q**: What kind of image saved the day? **A**: The HERO image! --- **Q**: Why do programmers prefer dark mode? **A**: Because light attracts bugs! --- **Q**: Does this vaccine contain a microchip? **A**: I don't know for sure, but it must be ARM based. --- **Q**: How do you make a 4D Printer? **A**: Take a 3D printer and give it some time --- **Q**: Why do astronauts use Linux? **A**: They can't open Windows in space! --- **Q**: How do front end devs like their brownies? **A**: GUI --- Some languages can be read by humans, not by machines. Others can be read by machines but not by humans. XML solves this problem by being readable to neither. --- **Q**: What do hackers do on a boat? **A**: Phishing. --- **Q:** What is the most used language in programming? **A:** Profanity --- **Q:** Why couldn't the HTML list be trusted? **A:** There were LI's everywhere --- **Q:** To the person who invented zero **A:** Thank's for nothing --- **Q:** What do you call a bee that lives in America? **A:** A USB --- **Q:** What did Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business? **A:** Amazon Web Services --- **Q:** What’s a Jedi’s favourite programming language? **A:** JabbaScript --- **Q:** What do you call a 3.14 meters long snake? **A:** Python. --- want about to a race conditions hear joke? --- **Q:** What did the .NET developer name their boat? **A:** Sea Sharp --- **Q:** Why do developers listen to Led Zeppelin when they build APIs? **A:** To help them RAML on. --- **Q:** What is a Package Managers favorite holiday? **A:** Dependency Day ---