Depression & Suicide

F riends, before I begin, let me confess that whatever is going to be presented, nothing is mine. I am not that learned, I am not a professional in this subject, but I am speaking from experience and the things that I have learned from my Guru. So, whatever is good that you can grasp, the whole credit will go to my Guru. I can't present what I am not skilled in; I am responsible for that.

Nowadays, somewhere, someone would say, "Oh my God, this person is in depression." They would all say, "How did it happen? When did it happen? How could it happen?" The person belonged to a very well-off family, having all the amenities in life. How could he go into depression? There will be a shower of questions, but nobody knows what has happened. Nobody can understand why it has happened or how it has happened. Series of questions come from all corners, blaming the person, saying, "You have done it, my dear." When the problem is there, there is always a solution. When a question is there, there is always an answer behind it. Try to find the answer. But then, at that time when you are feeling so low, there is no scope for you to find the reasoning.

Let us go back and see when a child is born, how we see that he is divine. The child is Bhagwan ka Swaroop. We know every child is born as God, then where did the divinity go today?

The process of falling into depression is not a one-day process; it is a continuous process, unknowingly and knowingly. We don't know what we are doing. There is so much identity crisis. People having one or more children just want to identify the other children. One is clever, another is not. Our Guru says everyone is complete and a blessing of God. There is nothing different with them.

One of my friends has two daughters. One is a writer, and her many books have been published. But the younger one is always questioned, "When are you writing?" So, there is so much pressure on the younger child. It might be that the child is not meant for that. Maybe she has some other interest, but nobody wants to see that. Instead, everyone has the question, "Are you writing? Do you want to write?" No one wants to ask her, "What do you want to become?" So, she is stressed and pressured by friends, family, and relatives. They ask her, "What are you doing?" A small child's brain gets malice. She always starts asking questions from herself, "Why can't I do anything? Why can't I become like my sister? Why can't I write like my sister?" It is not a matter of comparison. You are the only one in the world, as the Guru teaches you. You are unique. You know what you want to do, what purpose you have come to the Earth for. But then you have to find your identity in your sibling, which is very sad. And then the child can't find it. Now, if the child starts dancing, somebody says, "Don't dance, start singing."

The world is so full of negativity that it can affect anyone at any time. There's so much comparison and competition. Every child in my house is special and a gift from God to me. My Guru teaches me that a child is a gift from God, and I should know how to handle this gift. We often impose our ambitions on our children. For example, if I am a doctor, I want my son to be a doctor; if I want to be a scientist, I want my son to be a scientist. We fail to understand that our children may not want the same things we do. We treat them as a means to fulfill our own ambitions.

We often label our children as weak if they don't comply with our desires, without realizing the harm we are causing them. We fail to understand because we are too focused on our own desires. We believe that if our child doesn't fulfill our ambitions, who else will? But before expecting our children to fulfill our dreams, we should ask ourselves if we have fulfilled our parents' dreams or ambitions. How can we do this to our children? How can we unconsciously destroy their peaceful lives? We are unknowingly adding discrimination to our children's lives.

A child is a gift from God, but where are we leading them? They have lost their own path; they don't know where they are going. We may have clarity, but the child doesn't. They are too young to understand all these things. So, what should I do? My father wants me to be a doctor, my mother wants me to be a fashion designer, and my relatives suggest I should become a scientist or an engineer. No one is asking what I want to do. It's very difficult, and the child feels helpless, thinking they can't do anything. There's so much pressure and comparison on them. Whenever they take an exam, they come home and we ask them about their marks. But asking a child about their marks is wrong. Just look at their condition and their face, it speaks volumes. They feel they can't live up to our expectations because they are not living their own lives, but rather living up to our expectations. We are completely destroying a child's life. Have we ever thought about what is happening?

I remember an experience shared by my Guruji's family. Whenever their children go for exams and return, they always say, "You are the precious one. Whatever happens, let the sky fall, but you are my precious child. Whatever you write, I will accept it as the right thing you have done. There's no pressure on you." And what are we doing now? Beta, do you remember everything? Don't forget anything. We are unknowingly pressurizing our children. We should relieve them. They beg us to relieve them, saying, "Mom, I can't take this pressure. Mom, I can't live up to your expectations." We shouldn't impose things on our children. The child is begging for relief.

Let me share an experience about one of my family friends. Their son, 21 years old, belonged to a very good family. They were having dinner together in their bungalow. His room was upstairs on the first floor. After saying good night to everyone, he went upstairs. After some time, a servant went up to give him water. The servant came back running, saying that the boy had hanged himself to death. Oh my God, what happened? Where did things go wrong? How could he take his own life? He was just 21 years old, a sweet and obedient child. Why couldn't you read his face when he felt lonely, when he tried to isolate himself? Why are we blind to these things? We only want to see that our child was very good, the best choreographer scoring 99%. But still, he failed in life. What happened? How could things go wrong? These are big questions for us to understand. Furthermore, we want everything from our child. We say, "I am giving him clothes, the best home, the best furniture, the best food, the best clothing, and the best tuition because I can afford it. I am seeking prestige in my society, but I am not looking at how my child is suffering. I am not teaching my child how to share. I am not teaching him the real values of love and compassion. I am not teaching him anything. I just want to hear from society that I am very rich and I take very good care of my family. What nonsense! What am I doing? Our Guru says, "Please stop for a moment and think about where I went wrong. Where did my family go wrong?"

Let me tell you about the family situation nowadays. Everybody is sitting at a dinner table, but nobody knows what they are eating. Everybody is engrossed in their mobile phones. A child sitting across from his father begs, "Papa, have tears in his eyes, saying, 'I want your love, Papa.'" The child looks at everyone, but family members are busy with their own work. The child is thinking, "Where can I feel the love?" It is crucial to connect children with everyone. It is essential to understand if my child is truly suffering and facing problems. If you neglect these matters, you will lose your child. The world will not cry with you. Nobody will cry. The loss is entirely yours. You have destroyed your child's life. Nobody can forgive you. You are always busy with your commitments. Today's generation doesn't know how to enjoy life. They even join laughter clubs to learn how to laugh because they don't know how to enjoy life. They are buried in mobile phones. Mobile phones won't give you anything. One day, you will hear that your child has committed suicide, and you will cry out, saying, "God, what have you done? Why have you done this to us?" God says, "I don't do anything to anybody. You should ask yourself the question. I entrusted that child to your care, and you didn't take care of him. You were busy with your life, your commitments. There were so many things that the child was begging for: love from you, time with you, conversations with mother and father, sharing with them. He doesn't need a tuition teacher; he wants you. He wants love. We are not solving his problems. Problems are never there; they are created by us."

No child is depressed until you pressurize him and see what the problem is that he is undergoing depression. Why were we always comparing them? God has made you; nobody else can make you. Have you ever given these words to children? Just tell them what they are in reality. We don't want to see that he will learn from outside, but whatever he learns from you, he will cherish in life. Whatever you want him to learn, just make him learn from home.

Open up and open up yourself first.

Why do you want your child to compete? Let him present himself as he is. We always want our child to be what we want him to be. Let's stop imposing everything on our child. Some children will cope up with it, but some will not. They may go into depression and feel like they would be better off dead. They don't know why this life was given to them. They don't know anything about what we are teaching them. Just lead by example, prepare yourself, go to school, and score the marks.

You want a lot of money in your life to lead a successful and peaceful life, but just ask a very rich person if they are leading a peaceful life. What will your child do with all this wealth that you are earning if he is not getting your real-time and love?

Make your child independent by creating willpower in him. Do you know why mothers and fathers were made? God himself couldn't come to earth, so he gave mothers to protect the child. You were just the custodians, but now we have become possessors. This is my child. What are we teaching him?

We should think that the child is a beautiful gift of God, and whatever we do, we should surrender everything to God. Just ask yourself. Still, we are alive, and we need to understand this gift. Don't compare your children with other children; just understand their interests.

n the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna, after every chapter, you will see that he will never impose anything on anyone. He always says, "This is my opinion; I am not forcing anyone."

Let me tell you a story our Guru has told us. There was a person who had three sons. At that time, the medium of exchange was not money but articles. So, he had 19 camels and three sons. He said, "When I die, this is my will: whatever will be my property, half of it will go to my elder son, 1/4 will go to my second son, and 1/5 will go to my third son." The children were happy, and the person died after all his rituals. They said, "Let's come and divide the properties." They started doing it. First of all, the eldest said, "Let me get my share. My father said that I am entitled to half of his property, and his property is 19 camels. So, my portion says I am entitled to 9 and a half camels." Everybody said, "How do we cut the camel?" The elder brother said, "No, I won't compromise. I need 9 and a half according to my father's last wish." So, the whole day and night, all three sons were fighting. Even the panchayat was there to sort out these things, but they were not able to convince anybody. Then, one day, a very intelligent saint came to that village and asked why there was so much noise from this house. They said, "These three brothers are fighting day and night." So, the saint asked, "What is the matter?" People told him, "There are just 19 camels, and the elder one wants 9 and a half because he is entitled to half of his father's property." They won their share as their father had said, and that is not possible because you cannot cut the camel in half. It is such a small thing. The saint said, "Let me go and sort it out." Villagers said that they were not going to listen to him, but he said, "God is with me. Let me try." And there he goes and says, "Do you all have any problem?" Some said, "Nobody can solve this problem." The saint kept his own camel outside and asked all the 19 camels to stand in a row along with his own camel. Now he asked them to count the camels. "Now, there are 20 camels," he said. "What is the half of 20? That is 10." Then the eldest is entitled to half, which is 10. The other one said, "I am entitled to one fourth. So, what is 1/4 of 20?" He said, "5, so take it." Now, the third son, 1/5 of 20, which is 4, so take it.

Problem solved. All of them were satisfied. Now, who sent that 20th camel? That is God. If you bring God in between everything, every problem will be solved. Try it.

Stop possessing things. You always want these things to be mine. I want to take care of them. This is my child, and I decide the child's future. But this is wrong. You are just a custodian.

God says nobody should ever go into depression and commit suicide. Never finish this beautiful life. Come on, you are strong. You have that internal strength. Let us come back and see. We can do everything that we want.