I'm Not That Drunk | The home of regrettable purchases

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How to dress like Jeremy Corbyn

If you want to run the labour party, you’ll need to perfect the art of dressing like your Grandad dressed himself while drunk, then sent you a 1.1 megapixel picture he took on a Nokia 3220, and then you tried to copy his outfit but you don’t have a mirror...

Prepare for your day like Patrick Bateman

As a teenager you no doubt slept until midday, rolled out of bed, played computer games and ate bowls of cereal. You probably didn’t shower until the evening and I’m guessing your job (if you had one) was rubbish. If you’re a student this’ll sound near identical to your life...

Features / Man Tools / Style

13 ways to evolve before everyone else

So evolution is probably slowing down, what with all the health care and all the easy girls flying around. Being alpha male just doesn’t put you at the front of the pack anymore; you need to take matters into your own hands. You need to e-volve (sorry) and get the...

Features / For Girls

8 Valentines gifts guaranteed to end your relationship

It’s almost Valentine’s day and you’re on the internet looking for something – anything – for your boyfriend or girlfriend. Then you realize: you can’t think of anything because, in reality, you don’t really care about this person. Better yet, you want to break up with them! And what better...

Features / Living / WTF?

Prepare for the apocalypse

Sooner or later the apocalypse’s sure to arrive. We think sooner. Ok, so it didn’t really show up on May 21st 2011, but there are big hopes for 2012. Unless you’ve invested in an iron man suit, a spaceship or built yourself a nuclear bunker, you’re gonna feel like a...

Features / For Girls / Nostalgia / Watching

Top 5 Underrated Disney Movies

If you were born in 80s and your parents weren’t exceptionally elitist, you probably grew up watching enough Disney movies to permanently loosen your grasp on reality. Only us kids had the time and mental strength to traipse through every Disney movie that was around, often more than once, and...

Features / Listening / Nostalgia / Reading / Watching

I’ve got love for you if you were born in the eighties

There’s a good chance that if you’re browsing this website you were born in the 1980s. A lot happened in that decade. John Lennon was shot, the Berlin wall came down, Sega’s ‘Master System’ was released (as were the first two Terminator Films), and Elisha Cuthbert was gifted to the...

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Listening

around
$8

Jam Sessions, the pres blows CD

Hear your president play the sax

Bill Clinton blowing an instrument? Looks like the tables have turned. Not exactly John Coltrane, but definitely a great buy for those of you who want to rock out to the sounds of an ex-president.

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Man Tools / Playing

around
$50

Nerf Vulcan repeater gun

Why unlock better guns in Modern Warfare when you can buy them

Get this Nerf N-Strike Vulcan EBF-25 Dart Blaster and you can shoot your friends/family/pets/colleagues at the beach/dinner table/office/garden/bar. It has a 25 dart belt and fires three darts a second, I’m no mathematician but that sounds like a shit-load of fun for $50.

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Nostalgia / Playing

around
$10

Finger drum set

Your ears may have drums but what about your fingers??

Ever wanted to play the drums but didn’t want to make the commitment of buying an expensive drum set? For around $15 you can get a drum set FOR YOUR FINGERS!! Think of the money you’ll save on drumsticks. You can even play with one hand, leaving the other free for a chicken drumstick! Absolute...

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Man Tools / Playing

around
$40

Remote Control Amphibious Tank

Not only is this tank amphibious, not only does it fire airsoft BBs, it also holds your beer while it wreaks havoc across land and sea. So you can get drunk, shoot some things, and take it in the bath with you. Just don’t leave it there to rust.

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Reading / X-Rated

around
$20

Girls, Guns & Ropes, hardcover

Photos of hot Texas girls with guns, knives and ropes? Naked legs wrapped seductively around an AK-47? Only a real-life gay or a massive pacifist wouldn’t want this.

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Nostalgia / Playing

around
$90

Erector AKA Meccano 643 Piece Set

Get constructive

Meccano sounded a little like "Vagina" so they changed the name to something a bit safer – get this Erector Motorized Racing Car & More – 643 pc Metal Construction Set. It comes with the instructions for 25 models and you can relive the old Meccano days making ’em all. Then when you’re done, have...

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Man Tools

around
$20

Man Hatchet AKA Manchet

Man up and chop your steak with a real knife. Made by Smith & Wesson so it can probably fire bullets as well.

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Man Tools

around
$7

Real Batarang

How many times have you wanted to knife someone but they are annoyingly standing between 6 and 20 feet away. How many times have you thought “I want my own FUCKING BATARANG!!!” Check this out, a Black Batman Batarang, double edge folding knife. It’s sharp and you can throw it at shit.

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Man Tools

around
$9

Throwing Knives

These throwing knives are especially useful if your dinner is just out of reach, moving or just pissing you off.

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WTF?

around
$30

Sarah Palin Lifesize Cardboard Cut-out

Ever wondered what it would be like to eat dinner with Sarah Palin? Bring her home to meet your parents? Or share a bed with her? Well now you can do all those things and more. Take your Sarah Palin to the park, or to church, just don’t take her to a public health center...

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Man Tools

around
$140

Night vision goggles

Don't be afraid of the dark

An essential part of every man’s survival gear, the NEWCON OPTIK SGT-150P StarGate Night Vision Scope will be your best friend during night recons.

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Nostalgia / Playing

around
$180

James Bond Scalextric

Ever wondered what it would be like to race James Bond’s Aston Martin? Remember scalextric and the sweet smell of burning rubber? This Scalextric 1:32 James Bond 007 Slot Car Race Track Set C1254T kit combines the two coolest inventions of the twentieth century. No friends? Get your wife/cat to race as Oddjob.

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Man Tools / Playing / Style

around
$30

Lord Voldemort’s Wand

An essential piece of kit for fighting off do-gooders like Potter, Weasley and Robbie Coltrane. Use it to cast spells on your friends and to get in to Hermione’s underwear. She’s always had her eye on your wand…

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For Girls / Living / Reading

around
$10

Crazy about cupcakes, Paperback

The best thing about having an oven

The only people who don’t like cupcakes are anorexics and people who are so fat they only bother with full-sized cakes. This book contains recipes for virtually every cupcake you could ever want to make. Bake them after a night out, before your yoga class, or just before you settle down to watch ‘Pride &...

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Living / WTF?

around
$1000

Tutankhamen’s Throne

Don’t sit around in a chair like an IDIOT when you could be kicking back like an Egyptian Pharaoh. This is a seriously accurate replica, that takes 2 weeks to craft by hand, and made of woven wicker, sturdy wood, and real gold. Obviously.

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Nourishment

around
$15

Spice up your life

Why buy your Beef Jerky from the store when you can make your own? All you need is this spice and some ground beef, and you can start eating your own handmade jerky, as god intended.

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Nostalgia / Watching

around
$20

Thundercats HO!

Thundercats HO! The best cartoon of all. Who can argue with a show that contains ninjas that look like cats fighting an immortal mummified badass, using legendary magic laser swords. It all makes perfect sense. Also Cheetara is hot.

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For Girls / Listening

around
$10

The Notebook OST

Cry yourself to sleep

Yeah you’ve seen it, The Notebook, powerful enough to make grown men cry. Well here is the soundtrack on digital download so your ears can relive the whole saga all over again right now. Also, play it when you’ve a man with you and he’ll probably turn into Ryan Gosling. ( -Don’t hold us to...

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Living

around
$30

Hydros Bottle, filtering water bottle

Drink of the gods

You know all those empty plastic bottles piling up next to the sink? Before they were filled with gin they contained water. The ‘Hydros’ filters your water on the go, so you don’t have that disgusting taste from the tap, or the expense of bottled water. A great way to hydrate after a night out....

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Newer Older

How to dress like Jeremy Corbyn

Prepare for your day like Patrick Bateman

13 ways to evolve before everyone else

8 Valentines gifts guaranteed to end your relationship

Prepare for the apocalypse

Top 5 Underrated Disney Movies

I’ve got love for you if you were born in the eighties

Jam Sessions, the pres blows CD

Hear your president play the sax

Nerf Vulcan repeater gun

Why unlock better guns in Modern Warfare when you can buy them

Finger drum set

Your ears may have drums but what about your fingers??

Remote Control Amphibious Tank

Girls, Guns & Ropes, hardcover

Erector AKA Meccano 643 Piece Set

Get constructive

Man Hatchet AKA Manchet

Real Batarang

Throwing Knives

Sarah Palin Lifesize Cardboard Cut-out

Night vision goggles

Don't be afraid of the dark

James Bond Scalextric

Lord Voldemort’s Wand

Crazy about cupcakes, Paperback

The best thing about having an oven

Tutankhamen’s Throne

Spice up your life

Thundercats HO!

The Notebook OST

Cry yourself to sleep

Hydros Bottle, filtering water bottle

Drink of the gods

Wisdom

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