around
$25
$25
Shake Weight
Shake it like a polaroid penis
Alright people, now is the time for you to take the initiative and own one of these legendary workout tools. The SNL parody clip was pretty good, and then South Park introduced us to the revolutionary cooling down system, but nothing comes close to owning one of these monsters. Shake that weight til you’re spent....
around
$40
$40
Pheromone Cologne
Liquid Sex
Make yourself irresistible to the opposite sex by showing them you’ve the disposable income to purchase $35 worth of pheromones. Nah, I joke but I’ve done some research and it looks like this stuff scientifically works. If you’ve got terrible chat, want to be the perfect stealth-wingman or you’re just trying to convince the girlfriend...
around
$15
$15
Batdog costume
Need a sidekick?
You are drunk, but unless you’re incredibly generous, your dog probably isn’t. He needs to get chicks too, and what better way for him to bone some bitches than by hitting the town in his very own Batdog costume? Also, think how great it would be if your dog is always running around the house...
around
$30
$30
Jerky and sausage gun kit
Actually stuff your own sausages
This jerky and sausage gun means you can make sausages out of whatever you want. Whack in some beef, pork, egg, chili pepper, steak seasoning and ale or go full McDonalds and experiment with scraps off the floor. Then quit the office job and open a hotdog stand outside your house.
around
$30
$30
Organic Anti-Cellulite Treatment
Nice, butt...
Wasn’t it Abraham Lincoln who once said ‘I do love a nice, smooth bottom’? And James Brown who sang ‘your thighs get me high’? Why insult the memory of these two great Americans when for $30 you can get this organic cream and ensure your skin stays cellulite free? I mean, who wants to end...
around
$20
$20
Juniper Bonsai Tree
Bonsai is Japanese for "buy me"
If you are like me then you have a vague idea of what a small tree would look like, but can’t even begin to imagine the fan-bonsai-tastic times you would have if you took the time and effort to care for one of these little dudes. The best part is you don’t have to go...
around
$10
$10
Slap Chop!
Slap your troubles away
The original advert… The DJ Steve Porter Remix… We all know and love the Slap Chop™. Ingeniously named, as like a domestic abusing lumberjack, it slaps and it chops. Smack down on the top, and whatever small items are in the base get shredded – onions, small animals, nuts, it lets your imagination roam free....
around
$250
$250
Franklin Cherrywood Grandfather Clock
Time you stopped playing with that cheap rolex?
Look, we all know that grandfather clocks are coming back into fashion. I saw one the other day in that film starring Guy Pearce and Samantha Mumba – the Time Machine. They make your house look decadent and sophisticated, and at $300, your grandad would be proud.
around
$100
$100
Garden Statues
Go on safari in your back garden (not euphemism)
You know how when you were younger you dreamed of living on a farm? Well unless you’re now a farmer it’s unlikely that your dream came true. We’ve got the next best thing. You can have the animals without the noise, the smell and the legal repercussions that accompany bestiality. Stick this bear in the...
around
$150
$150
Masterbuilt 7 in 1 Smoker
Who says smoking is bad for you?
Here it is, the answer to all your raw meat, just chuck it in here for a few hours, come back and you’ve got some seriously tasty smoked meat. If animals could choose how they are cooked after death, I’m pretty sure they’d be all over this business – the tastiest crematorium I know.
around
$80
$80
Epilator, 72 tweezer heads
Hair of the dog
Say you need to remove some hair. Say you don’t want it growing back. Say you wanted to have 72 tweezers working in perfect harmony to comfortably remove unwanted hair. It’s about $80, go crazy.
around
$10
$10
Team Jacob Mug
Whose team are you on?
Let’s face it. No one likes Edward; he’s moody all the time, he disappeared for a whole movie for some reason and then came back at the end for the same reason, and he never has sex with Belle (but then again…). Even if you don’t know what I’m talking about, trust me you’re not...
around
$230
$230
Heated massage chair
Why is your current chair not massaging you?
Simply because it can’t. You’re sitting in a chair, that’s valuable massaging time that you’re wasting, get it sorted and pick this bad boy up. It massages your arms, legs, feet, and back. How good is that going to make watching Saturday Night Live?
around
$10
$10
Crazy about cupcakes, Paperback
The best thing about having an oven
The only people who don’t like cupcakes are anorexics and people who are so fat they only bother with full-sized cakes. This book contains recipes for virtually every cupcake you could ever want to make. Bake them after a night out, before your yoga class, or just before you settle down to watch ‘Pride &...
around
$1000
$1000
Tutankhamen’s Throne
Don’t sit around in a chair like an IDIOT when you could be kicking back like an Egyptian Pharaoh. This is a seriously accurate replica, that takes 2 weeks to craft by hand, and made of woven wicker, sturdy wood, and real gold. Obviously.
around
$30
$30
Hydros Bottle, filtering water bottle
Drink of the gods
You know all those empty plastic bottles piling up next to the sink? Before they were filled with gin they contained water. The ‘Hydros’ filters your water on the go, so you don’t have that disgusting taste from the tap, or the expense of bottled water. A great way to hydrate after a night out....
