around
$25
$25
Stormtrooper Helmet
You've never had the balls before
This turns you into a Stormtrooper, guaranteed. Think how many girls you’ll get when you tell them your house is the Death Star.
around
$15
$15
Turtleneck & Chain CD/DVD
It felt so good when I did it with my penis
Get ‘Turtleneck & Chain’, the new album/DVD from the Lonely Island guys – including the classic ‘I Just Had Sex’, which you can probably ignore if you’re so drunk you’re on this website.
around
$400
$400
Conway Stewart Collectors Fountain Pen
The pen that wins wars
Throw away that chewed up Biro. No-one (except Josh Hartnett in ‘the Faculty’) ever did anything useful with one of those. Put away your Sharpie – they’re for hipsters and cosmetic surgeons. If you want your writing to impress you’ll do no better than the Conway Stewart fountain pen. Used by Winston Churchill, Presidents Bush...
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$8
$8
Curious George Goes to an Ice Cream Shop
Science: Humans got ADHD from monkeys
In this beautifully illustrated book the most popular monkey of all time visits an ice cream shop. If you like ice cream and monkeys, and have any happy memories of your childhood whatsoever, then you should probably buy this. If you don’t, go to bed and read some Thomas Hardy or something tomorrow.
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$30
$30
Organic Anti-Cellulite Treatment
Nice, butt...
Wasn’t it Abraham Lincoln who once said ‘I do love a nice, smooth bottom’? And James Brown who sang ‘your thighs get me high’? Why insult the memory of these two great Americans when for $30 you can get this organic cream and ensure your skin stays cellulite free? I mean, who wants to end...
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$3
$3
Caligula on demand
Highest budget porno ever?
Caligula, 70s playboy film about sex and murder in Roman times available on digital download. If you think Helen Mirren’s hot now, 1. Call an ambulance, you’ve drunk way too much, 2. Check her out when she was actually hot – watch it now for $3.
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$15
$15
National Geographic Year Subscription
Isn't about time you got cultured?
Mark Twain once said, “The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.” If you think there is any truth in that then you should probably get a year’s subscription to National Geographic magazine. Think of your excitement every month when you see that golden border...
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$20
$20
Juniper Bonsai Tree
Bonsai is Japanese for "buy me"
If you are like me then you have a vague idea of what a small tree would look like, but can’t even begin to imagine the fan-bonsai-tastic times you would have if you took the time and effort to care for one of these little dudes. The best part is you don’t have to go...
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$10
$10
Slap Chop!
Slap your troubles away
The original advert… The DJ Steve Porter Remix… We all know and love the Slap Chop™. Ingeniously named, as like a domestic abusing lumberjack, it slaps and it chops. Smack down on the top, and whatever small items are in the base get shredded – onions, small animals, nuts, it lets your imagination roam free....
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$130
$130
LEGO Harry Potter – Hogwarts Castle
A ginger with two friends? That's magic for you
All the team’s here, including Harry, Haggers and Hermione “Lovely pair of Dumbledores” Granger. There’s Sirius’ face in the fireplace and Tom Riddle’s book in the Knight’s armour. ENDLESS FUN! You can re-enact all your favourite moments, like when Harry fights Snape, when Harry met Sally and the Ron and Hermoine sex scene.
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$10
$10
Spacejam OST
When basketball didn't discriminate
Yes, it probably is. Starring R. Kelly before he went nuts and classic tracks like ‘Buggin’, featuring Bugs Bunny and ‘Upside Down’ by Salt-N-Pepa, this music makes you want to call up Michael Jordan and ‘shoot some hoops’. Inspiring.
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$250
$250
Franklin Cherrywood Grandfather Clock
Time you stopped playing with that cheap rolex?
Look, we all know that grandfather clocks are coming back into fashion. I saw one the other day in that film starring Guy Pearce and Samantha Mumba – the Time Machine. They make your house look decadent and sophisticated, and at $300, your grandad would be proud.
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$15
$15
Inspector Gadget DVD Collection
Go go gadget credit card
Forget Jason Bourne, James Bond and Jack Bauer. Here’s a guy who has a helicopter propeller in his HAT. Get up at 7am on Sunday, grab yourself a bowl of coco pops and watch until your mum/girlfriend threatens to confiscate the tv.
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$100
$100
Garden Statues
Go on safari in your back garden (not euphemism)
You know how when you were younger you dreamed of living on a farm? Well unless you’re now a farmer it’s unlikely that your dream came true. We’ve got the next best thing. You can have the animals without the noise, the smell and the legal repercussions that accompany bestiality. Stick this bear in the...
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$150
$150
Masterbuilt 7 in 1 Smoker
Who says smoking is bad for you?
Here it is, the answer to all your raw meat, just chuck it in here for a few hours, come back and you’ve got some seriously tasty smoked meat. If animals could choose how they are cooked after death, I’m pretty sure they’d be all over this business – the tastiest crematorium I know.
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$15
$15
Last Will and Testament Kit
How's your liver holding out?
If you think you may have pushed the boat out a little far this time (that 18th Tequila sort of felt wrong?) then you might want to consider making a will. It’s probably a great idea because unless you are Benjamin Button (not sure of the ramifications of that) you might need it one day....
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$80
$80
Epilator, 72 tweezer heads
Hair of the dog
Say you need to remove some hair. Say you don’t want it growing back. Say you wanted to have 72 tweezers working in perfect harmony to comfortably remove unwanted hair. It’s about $80, go crazy.
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$10
$10
Team Jacob Mug
Whose team are you on?
Let’s face it. No one likes Edward; he’s moody all the time, he disappeared for a whole movie for some reason and then came back at the end for the same reason, and he never has sex with Belle (but then again…). Even if you don’t know what I’m talking about, trust me you’re not...
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$25
$25
Belly cast kit
Is your stomach growing?
Science can only get you so far in answering this age old question. The only way to be sure is to make a drunken cast of your inflating belly with this belly casting kit for pregnant ladies. For $25 you, and anyone else that you decide deserves to witness this event, get to have priceless...
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$15
$15
Wicca Love Spells book
Online dating didn't work? Try something more traditional, try witchcraft.
We all know that witches weren’t that popular back in the day, but now we are a more tolerant and liberal society, every race and creed is equal – bring witchcraft back with this spell book. You can cast love spells, make sex potions, and if you are advanced enough you can cast a spell...
